parenting children who are strong willed

40
Parenting Children Who Are Strong Willed David Causey, Ph.D. Clinical Child Psychologist 502-896-2606 [email protected] Square One: Specialists in Child and Adolescent Development

Upload: quasar

Post on 21-Jan-2016

30 views

Category:

Documents


0 download

DESCRIPTION

Parenting Children Who Are Strong Willed. David Causey, Ph.D. Clinical Child Psychologist 502-896-2606 [email protected] Square One: Specialists in Child and Adolescent Development. Group Hypnosis for Parents of Children Who Are Strong Willed. David Causey, Ph.D. - PowerPoint PPT Presentation

TRANSCRIPT

Page 1: Parenting Children Who Are Strong Willed

Parenting Children Who Are Strong Willed

David Causey, Ph.D.

Clinical Child Psychologist

502-896-2606

[email protected]

Square One: Specialists in Child and Adolescent Development

Page 2: Parenting Children Who Are Strong Willed

Group Hypnosis for Parents of Children Who Are Strong Willed

David Causey, Ph.D.

Clinical Child Psychologist

Square One: Specialists in Child and Adolescent Development

Page 3: Parenting Children Who Are Strong Willed

Support Groups for Parents of Children Who Are Strong Willed

1-800-AAA-AHHH!!!

www.AAAAHHH!.com

Page 4: Parenting Children Who Are Strong Willed
Page 5: Parenting Children Who Are Strong Willed
Page 6: Parenting Children Who Are Strong Willed

Most Common Characteristics

• Inflexible

• Stubborn

• Persistent

• Insistent

• Demanding

• Argumentative

• Low Frustration Tolerance

Page 7: Parenting Children Who Are Strong Willed
Page 8: Parenting Children Who Are Strong Willed

Other Characteristics

• Perfectionist• Need for instant gratification• Controlling• Reactive• Moody• Self-centered• Contrary

Page 9: Parenting Children Who Are Strong Willed

Positive Characteristics Often Described by Parents

• Charming

• Helpful

• Smart

• Determined

• Loving

• Inquisitive

• Eager to please

Page 10: Parenting Children Who Are Strong Willed
Page 11: Parenting Children Who Are Strong Willed

What Makes Parenting Them So Challenging?

• Emotionally draining

• Frustrating

• Inconvenient

• Disruptive to family life

• Simple becomes complicated

• No obvious reason for behaviors

Page 12: Parenting Children Who Are Strong Willed

Temperament

Determines how we interact with the world around us, which then reflects how we cope. Coping is defined as any response to perceived threat, change, stress, or DISAPPOINTMENT. Types of coping may include: problem solving, support seeking, avoidant coping, emotion focused coping, or aggressive.

Page 13: Parenting Children Who Are Strong Willed

Temperament

• Emotional versus Logical

• Rigid versus Adaptable

• Controlling versus Compromising

Page 14: Parenting Children Who Are Strong Willed
Page 15: Parenting Children Who Are Strong Willed

What’s Behind the Frustration?

(Internally)

Sad / Disappointed Worried / Nervous Embarrassed

Frustrated (Externally)

Page 16: Parenting Children Who Are Strong Willed

Issues that contribute to strong-willed behaviors

• Temperament!!!

• Compromised coping skills

• Medical Concerns

• Sleep Disorders

• Environmental Stressors

• Disrupted Attachment

• Regulatory / Psychological Problems

Page 17: Parenting Children Who Are Strong Willed
Page 18: Parenting Children Who Are Strong Willed

Regulatory / Psychological Problems

• Mood reactivity• Depression / irritability• Anxiety • Obsessive• Impulse control• Sensory Integration • Processing problems• Oppositional Defiant

Page 19: Parenting Children Who Are Strong Willed

WHY? – The myths

• They want to make your life miserable

• They must have their way

• They can’t help it

• They just care about themselves

• They’re spoiled

• Poor parenting caused it

Page 20: Parenting Children Who Are Strong Willed

WHY?!!!

• Need to feel in control

• Internal discomfort not regulated

• Internal alarm and agitation supersedes logic, common sense, or good coping

• Instant gratification

Page 21: Parenting Children Who Are Strong Willed

Impact on the child?

• Lowers self esteem

• Perceived frustration of others

• Compromised ability to problem solve

• Heightened sensitivity to correction

Page 22: Parenting Children Who Are Strong Willed

Impact on others?

• May resent the child

• Disruption to family life

• Parent self esteem and “efficacy”

Page 23: Parenting Children Who Are Strong Willed

Adult Issues That Escalate or Reinforce Strong Willed Behavior

• The adult’s mood at that moment

• Feeling helpless or ineffective

• Expectations – Anticipate Conflict.

• Not being prepared for managing the situations.

Page 24: Parenting Children Who Are Strong Willed
Page 25: Parenting Children Who Are Strong Willed

What makes it worse?

• Too quick to say “no”• Quick to anticipate a conflict• Quick to raise voice or yell • Coercive Process• Interpret behavior as intentional• Don’t set limits when necessary• Too strict with limits-can’t follow through• Indulge to “keep the peace”

Page 26: Parenting Children Who Are Strong Willed

Goals of intervention:

• Short-term – some immediate relief of conflict

• Long term: – parent feels empowered and effective– Child develops better self-regulation and

compliance– Conflict is significantly reduced

Page 27: Parenting Children Who Are Strong Willed

Best Intervention:

Prevention!!!

Page 28: Parenting Children Who Are Strong Willed

1) Floor Time

• Schedule 20 minutes several times a week to be with your child

• Let them pick the activity

• Let them be “in charge” of it

• Be a spectator or participant, but do not direct the activity unless invited to by child

Page 29: Parenting Children Who Are Strong Willed

2) Behavior Blueprint• Make a list of common conflicts• Evaluate how you will view these issues in the

future (Ross Green – ABC basket)• Evaluate the importance of “winning” or

confronting these issues

- Preference versus Requirement• Decide on a specific plan for how you will handle

these issues in the future

Page 30: Parenting Children Who Are Strong Willed

2) Behavior Blueprint• Have an action plan - practice or rehearse: specific

issues and/or situations, preference or requirement, how to respond, consequences

• *Consider including your child to decide how certain issues should be handled

• “Firm Flexibility” – adult must be firm, clear, and consistent while ALSO being flexible, supportive, and

collaborative with the child when appropriate.

Page 31: Parenting Children Who Are Strong Willed

Frustration

0 1 2 3

Page 32: Parenting Children Who Are Strong Willed

3) Make schedule if needed

• Add predictability to the day and maybe give them a say about it

Page 33: Parenting Children Who Are Strong Willed

4) Simple Incentive Plan• Set a simple goal with your child such as:

“accept no without arguing”, “be respectful”, etc.

• Earn tokens in a jar

• Earn privileges or reward

• Never take away tokens that are earned

Page 34: Parenting Children Who Are Strong Willed

Look for the Positive

Positive Attention Things (PATs)

Page 35: Parenting Children Who Are Strong Willed

INTERVENTION

When prevention isn’t enough…

Page 36: Parenting Children Who Are Strong Willed

In the moment• Try to avoid a critical or judgmental tone of voice when a

request is made or a potential conflict occurs

• Take time to consider the request before giving an answer – “I need to take a few minutes to think about that.” (Tell your child in advance that you will be doing this from now on)

• Consider your child’s underlying stress or anxiety level

• Remember: Is this issue a “preference” or a “requirement” for you as the parent?

Page 37: Parenting Children Who Are Strong Willed

Request Form• List the request and give some details:

• Why I think this is an OK request and why it could work:

• Why I think mom and/or dad might say “no” to this request:

• What might be a fair compromise:

• PARENT RESPONSE:

Page 38: Parenting Children Who Are Strong Willed

Rules for Request Form

• -If a request is made, the parent tells the child to fill out a request form OR the child may decide to go ahead and fill out the request form right away.

• -Child completes the request form and gives it to the parent

• -Child must give the parent time to review and respond to the request

• -Parent must provide an answer and give reasons for the answer or provide a temporary reason to wait (such as I need to talk with your mom/dad about this request).

• -***The answer still may end up being given a “NO”• -Child must review the parents response alone• -Then the parent and child can discuss

Page 39: Parenting Children Who Are Strong Willed

Discipline

• 1-2-3 Magic Approach (Phelan)

• “All or none privileges” approach

• Level system

Page 40: Parenting Children Who Are Strong Willed

Parenting Children Who Are Strong Willed

David Causey, Ph.D.

Clinical Child Psychologist

502-896-2606

[email protected]

Square One: Specialists in Child and Adolescent Development