Parenting a College Student

Gloria Saito, Ph.D., Psychologist and Clinical Director of Counseling and Psychological Services, UC Berkeley

Susan Bell, Ph.D., psychologist and Coordinator of Outreach and Consultation Counseling and Psychological ServicesUC Berkeley

Letting Go

Can you relate?

  Jim Borgman's Cartoon Depicts College Students

 

Can you relate?

08/21/06

                                                                                      

                                                                       Jim

Developmental Issues for college students

Achieving Sense of competency Achieving Identity Separation/Independence Managing Emotions Achieving Intimacy

Developmental Issues for Parents Competence: Trusting your child’s abilities Identity– redefinition of yourself, role

change from caretaker to mentor/advisor/refuge

Separation– anxiety for you! Management of emotions: how to deal with

your anxiety Intimacy– How to stay close with your child

without being overly involved I

Specific issues for freshmen

New freedoms and responsibilities New and more demanding academic

requirements Changing relationships with peer

family and self Challenges to beliefs and values-- adjustment reactions are common

and expected--

Common freshman stressors at Berkeley Built in Pressures: size of campus, competition, workload,

uncertainty of expectations

1st generation college students Relationships or lack of Living on one’s own: self-care, attending to

academic demands without adult pressure Residential Living: roommate conflicts Disenchantment with college

New challenges: what you might not have experienced in college Diversity: heightened exposure to new

beliefs, values, challenges to identity Competition higher Economic and political uncertainties Technology Drugs

Coping Strategies for Parents

Recognize the feelings of ambivalence are normal

Allow yourself to feel Make overall wellness a goal Find a new creative outlet

Tips for helping your child

Do stay in touch Do encourage Do be realistic Do allow space Do be prepared for change

Don’t panic Don’t tell them what to do Don’t take over and assume responsibility Don’t insist on frequent visits or phone calls Don’t press your child on what they will do after

college

National Trends

Increase in number of students who are struggling with serious mental health problems.

--85% nationwide agreement -- increase in use of psychiatric medications from

9% (1999) to 24% (2004-- increase in clinical depression – up to

200%

Increase in the number of students using counseling services

--30 - 100% increase in utilization

(Counseling Center Director Surveys)(Benton et al, 2003)

When should I be concerned about my daughter/son’s mental health? Social withdrawal Marked change in appearance, hygiene Excessive self-criticism Tearful calls home outnumber the others Talk of hopelessness Excessive fatigue or lethargic mood Extreme increases in energy, rapid speech Inability to think and concentrate: dramatic

change in grades References to suicide or self-harm

What should I do?

Listen Express concerns directly Encourage him or her to seek help Tell your daughter/son about CPS Look for leverage: health, career, academic Normalize the idea of seeking help and let

him/her know it is not a sign of weakness

What should I do?

Seek professional consultation: call CPS Whenever possible, allow your child to take the

next step

Counseling and Psychological Services (CPS)

The facts:---3rd floor, Tang Center (University Health Services)

--- Open 8am- 5pm, Mon. – Fri

--- Professional Counselors with expertise in college student issues

-- Brief individual counseling for personal, academic and career issues

--- Group counseling

--- Crisis intervention

--- Don’t need to have SHIP to use services

--- Make appointment by calling or visiting

--- Drop-in counseling for urgent concerns 10am – 12 and 1 – 4:30pm

Resources for Parents

Letting Go: A Parents’ Guide to Understanding the College Years, Karen Levin Coburn & Madge Tregger

Empty Nest: Full Heart: The Journey from Home to College by Andrea Van Steenhouse

Your On Your Own (But I’m Here If You Need Me): Mentoring Your Child During the College Years, by Marjorie Savage

More Resources for Parents

Don’t Tell Me What To Do, Just Send Money: The Essential Parenting Guide to the College Years, by Helen E. Johnson, Christine Schelhas-Mille

When Kids Go To College: A Parents Guide to Changing Relationships, by Barbara M. Newman & Philip Newman

Calparents.berkeley.edu: The parent liaison website for UC Berkeley