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PARENT TO PARENT

Raising Kids to Give Back....PAGE 16

Playing Nice Indoors and Outdoors.....PAGE 7

Beyond Manners: Teaching Children Respect.....PAGE 6

Winter 2011:On Your Best Behavior

2 • Parent to Parent, Winter 2011

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PARENT TO PARENTJill Chukerman, Managing [email protected]

Peggy Fink, [email protected]

Ellie Ander, Marketing & [email protected]

Sarah Cobb, Executive [email protected]

Melanie Schlachter, Associate Executive [email protected]

BJ Slusarczyk, Operations [email protected]

Parent to Parent contains articles and information straight from our NPN member community. For information about editorial submissions, email [email protected]; for advertising, email [email protected]. We look forward to hearing from you!

INSIDE THIS ISSUEOUR MISSIONConnecting a diverse community of families with the resources they need to navigate parenting in the city

FeaturesBeyond Manners: Teaching Children Respect ................... 6

Playing Nice Indoors and Outdoors .......7

Greater Tolerance for Family Dining ...... 8

Before Time Outs ................................. 9

United Parenting In a Divided Household: Is it Possible? ................... 10

Baby 1, Meet Baby 2: A How-To Guide on a Proper Introduction .....................12

Raising Kids to Give Back: It’s Never Too Early To Get Started! ......16

Drawing a Line for Safety ....................18

Teaching Good Manners to Little Ones .....................................20

Sharing: A Uniquely Childish Skill ........ 22

Sleep Deprivation (Doubled!) .............. 25

News & InformationNPN Volunteers .....................................5

Social Snapshot ...................................14

Good Giving: Ways to Give Back ......... 17

NPN Neighborhood Picks ................... 26

Upcoming Events ...............Back Cover

Letter from the Past Board President

As I end my term as NPN Board President, I wanted to say thank you for the opportunity to serve this awesome organization and to work with such an amazing group of people. I leave the Board in the very capable hands of a new slate of officers: Kelley Ahuja, Alex Guzman, Steven Block and Jennifer Quigley-Guimond.

In my 10 years with NPN, I’ve made friends, created networks and participated in many fun activities. But the best thing about my NPN involvement has been witnessing the tremendous growth of this organization. When I joined, the 500 members benefited from a newsletter, a babysitting co-op, the school fair and a few other random events. Then a few bright women decided to create an online discussion board for parents—and NPN’s membership exploded.

I’m not sure they had any idea the impact an online presence would have on membership back then. But what’s amazing is that, rather than becoming just another online community, NPN began looking for other opportunities to better serve Chicago’s parents. And to support the needs of this growing parent community, NPN evolved as an organization and built a strong leadership team of staff and volunteers. Being part of this growth has provided me with a wealth of professional experience—strategic planning, human resources, website development, database management, volunteer recruitment, networking, budgeting and finance, event planning and marketing.

Though I’m stepping down from the Board, I will continue to volunteer. I truly feel that I have gained more through my NPN experiences than anywhere else in my life (OK, aside from parenting!). I encourage you all to take advantage of the many volunteer opportunities as well, through NPN or elsewhere in your community.

Thanks! Lee Haas


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NPN THANkS OUR VOlUNTEERS ClubsAndersonville-Edgewater......................................................Robin.Brannigan/Diane.AvrahamLakeview............................................................ Christine.Jordan/Megan.Puzen/Miranda.ByrdLincoln.Square-North.Center............................................................................. Kelly.CantwellNear.West-South.Side.............................................. Lisa.Kulisek/Gina.Joslin/Francine.VerlottaNorthwest.Side..................................................Diana.Servatius/Kim.Sanford/Kristy.BatchelorOld.Town-Gold.Coast.......................................................... Marisa.Fetter/Sarah.Squires-DoylePortage.Park................................................................................Cyrus.Clausen/Lisa.FalconerWest.Town.................................................................................................... Marcie.WolbeckAdoption..........................................................................................Tammy.Miller/Julie.RakayAsian............................................................................................... .Jennifer.Uson/Ying.ZhanAttorney.Moms.................................................... Jean.Choi/Elizabeth.O’Brien/Hope.WhitfieldDads................................................................................................................ Ian.SmithdahlDevelopmental.Differences................................................... Ellen.Sternweiler/Kandalyn.HahnElementary.School.Parents.......................................................................... Bernadette.PawlikGreen.Parenting...................................................................Sherry.Polachek/Ellen.SternweilerMoms.in.Business.................................................................Katherine.McHenry/Jenny.PerilloMoms’.Night.Out..............................................................................................Mandy.MoiseMoms.Over.35................................................................................. Marie.Lona/Lisa.MendellMultiples......Cari.Matykiewicz/Becky.Reno/Melissa.Manning/Michelle.Gauthreaux/Anna.FarrisParents.of.One.................................................................................................. Janet.Walkoe

Same.Sex.Parents.................................................................. Monique.Urban/Angela.DebelloSingle.Parents...................................................................................................Angela.KezonSouth.Side.........................................................................................................Amy.MardenSo.Called.Bad.Mommies...................................................................................Kim.SledgisterWorking.Moms...............................Rebekah.Kohmescher/Gretchen.Speakman/Amanda.Wiley

ResourcesLegal.Counselor...............................................................................................Heather.Varon

NPN Board of DirectorsBoard.President...................................................... Kelly.AhujaVice.President..................................................... Alex.GuzmanTreasurer.............................................................. Steven.BlockSecretary.(interim)............................ Jennifer.Guimond-QuigleyBoard.Members. Sarah.Davis. Elisa.Kronish.Drake. Cindy.McCarthy.. Victoria.Nygren.. Lynne.Obiala. Alison.Ray... Sharmila.Rao.Thakkar


LIFE JUST GOT EASIER


SET lIMITSSet clear rules about respectful behavior. Following are a few ways to set limits for disrespectful behavior:

a. Address it simply, briefly and calmly. Shake your head to signal “No” or say “That is unacceptable” or “I won’t tolerate being spoken to with that language.”

b. Use the three steps to set limits: 1: Empathize2: State the limit clearly3: Offer two acceptable choices or ask for a better choice

(i.e., “I know you were frustrated and in a hurry to leave. But yelling at me and calling names is not okay; it is disrespectful. Are you ready to talk to me respectfully or do you need some time to yourself to calm down?”)

c. Send a message with your actions (no words). When your child is acting disrespectfully at the dinner table, quietly remove his plate. The message is that when people act inappropriately at dinner, the meal is over. When your child complains, empathize and sincerely respond, “I know, it’s sad. I will make a great breakfast tomorrow.”

d. Talk about it later. When disrespectful behavior is severe and needs intervention, it can be difficult to address if there is a lot of emotion, anger and defensiveness. Saying to the child, “Your behavior is unacceptable, we will talk about this later” gives parents time to calm down and determine how to handle the situation. Time also allows children to calm down and think about what happened. They may begin to feel sorry or guilty for their behavior. They may think about ways they can repair or make up for their mistake. This can be effective but parents must follow through in a timely manner.

PIck bATTlESOften what parents interpret as disrespectful is just a child venting her feelings. Not reacting to the negative feelings will allow them to dissipate and avoid a power struggle.

bEyOND MANNERS: TEAcHINg cHIlDREN RESPEcTBy Karen Jacobson, NPN member since 2003

Karen Jacobson, MA, LCPC, LMFT is a family therapist and co-founder of

PARENTING PERSPECTIVES (parentingperspectives.com), which provides parent

workshops, parent coaching, a four-week parenting course and other services

to support parents and create healthy families. She is a mom to two boys.

Back talk, lack of manners, foul language, name-calling, rude behavior and being demanding seem more commonplace today. Disrespect is modeled everywhere: TV shows, movies, music lyrics, sporting events, even in preschool pick-up lines. Teaching children respect and manners is essential; learning to live and behave respectfully translates into self–respect, the building block of self-esteem.

gIVE RESPEcTTo receive respect from children, parents must first give them respect. Children learn how to treat themselves and others from how they are treated. Respect is communicated by words, tone, body language and actions. Think about how you treat your child.

MODEl RESPEcT AND MANNERSChildren watch and listen to their parents. Imagine yourself in these situations: someone cuts you off while driving, you are running late, someone insults you, or the food server gets your order wrong. What do you do? What do you say? What is your tone? How do you handle your anger, frustration and stress? Children learn from our example.

SEEk TO UNDERSTANDChildren tend to behave disrespectfully when they are angry or frustrated, need attention or a sense of control, or have been hurt and want to hurt back. Seek to understand the feelings behind your children’s disrespectful behavior. When you see life from their perspective, you can empathize and ultimately teach them more appropriate ways of expressing their feelings.

REMAIN cAlMReacting angrily or harshly to your child typically causes the child to feel justified in acting disrespectfully and escalates emotions.

Photo.courtesy.Karen.Jacobson.

TO REcEIVE RESPEcT fROM cHIlDREN, PARENTS MUST fIRST gIVE THEM RESPEcT.


PlAyINg NIcE INDOORS AND OUTDOORSBy Beth Cohen-Dorfman, NPN member since 2008

• Help your kids share their toys at the park and take turns with the toys they’re playing with in play spaces. My kids often have trouble remembering that we share everything we play with, but I remind them that other children are just borrowing their stuff and we have plenty to go around.

• Encourage your caregivers to be actively involved at the parks. As a stay-at-home mom, I see lots of nannies, and while many are doing the right thing, there are always three or four sitting on the sidelines texting or sticking children in the swings and talking on their phones. To avoid this problem, encourage them to make play dates with other nannies in the area. Several nannies I see regularly at a park near our house bring a picnic and divide and conquer the kids—some go off with the bigger ones and some chase the littler ones, and in the midst of this chaos, they get to socialize. It’s truly heartwarming.

Above all, remember your kids want to play with you. As much as you want to talk to other grown-ups, check your iPhone and just sit and rest in what is left of the nice weather (and I’ve been guilty of all those things!), make sure you take some time to play with your kids. Help them overcome their fear of heights, color, be the awesome mom or dad who is blowing the bubbles, and make your kids laugh!

One of my favorite things about living in the city is the sheer number of parks and play spaces I can go to with my kids. I can think of five parks to which my four (and a half)-year-old daughter can comfortably walk or bike and as many indoor play spaces we can get to quickly. We have a stash of things that live under my two-year-old’s stroller to make the playgrounds even more exciting: chalk, bubbles, balls, sunscreen, Matchbox cars, books and more. My kids know they must share everything we take with everyone. The overriding question is: Why don’t all the adults make sure their kids are doing the same thing? Why am I taking the time to make sure my kids are behaving and observing appropriate play etiquette and others are sitting on the sidelines while their kids are, for example, taking my son’s car without asking, grinning and running away while he cries, leaving me to discipline?

I’m not suggesting we all tag along after our kids every second. I like to hang back and let them play on their own, see what they can accomplish when I’m not hovering, and I like talking to other adults. But I keep my kids in sight at all times to make sure they are being both safe and kind. Most adults I see at playgrounds and play spaces are doing exactly the same thing. It’s always a few bad apples that spoil the bunch, isn’t it?

I’d like to propose some basic “Playground/Play Space Etiquette”:

• Keep your kids within your line of vision to ensure they are safe and are neither being picked on nor picking on others.

• Teach them to go up the stairs and down the slide. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve seen some poor kid get whacked in the face by a child going down the slide; this is especially true of the “curly slide” where the kids cannot see one another.

Beth Cohen-Dorfman lives in East Lakeview with her husband and two

children. She has a B.S. in early childhood education and runs NPN’s New

Moms Groups.

I kEEP My kIDS IN SIgHT AT All TIMES TO MAkE SURE THEy ARE bEINg bOTH SAfE AND kIND.

Photo.courtesy.Beth.Cohen-Dorfman.


When I first read this I had to laugh. Yes, Mr. Restaurant Owner, I will be sure to explain this to my toddler so that he will feel shameful and stop whining immediately! Genius! But then, as my cynical side (I bet he doesn’t have children!) calmed down, I was forced to throw myself back to my pre-kid days (as hard as it was) and remember how I felt hearing a screaming child in a restaurant as I tried to enjoy a meal.

As parents, we become more tolerant, but we still don’t want to hear other screaming children while we eat (unless our own child is screaming, in which case we might, for the sake of feeling better). Hate to say it, but this goes for “happy” screams, too. I know, I know—the horror of someone being annoyed at your happy child squealing with delight for 45 minutes straight at the next table. You might be seeing hearts as you smile fondly at your baby, but the people sitting around you are looking for earplugs. There are always exceptions to the rule, but for the most part, this is reality, folks.

So, after letting both sides of the argument sink in, I have come to the conclusion that we all need to be a bit more tolerant of each other. If your child is screaming in a restaurant, take Precious outside. If you’re dining in a restaurant and the child next to you starts screaming, realize that the parents cannot control this behavior, and, for the most part, they are mortified, too. Give them a chance to remedy the situation. Unfortunately, it’s the intolerance of many people that has forced restaurant owners to make the bold move of not allowing children in their places of business. Whatever happened to simple common courtesy? It goes both ways.

It’s Friday night and your husband suggests on the fly to grab dinner at a local spot he’s wanted to try for weeks. While he’s dreaming of the beer menu, you are plagued by the following thoughts: What will my child eat? Is it nice and loud in there? Do they have booths where I can cage my two-year-old son against the wall? And most of all: Will my child behave? As if that wasn’t enough, there is a new concern that’s blindsiding parents across the nation: Does this restaurant allow children?

As you might be aware, a sweeping anti-child trend in our local restaurants has owners implementing a “no children under six” rule to keep customers happy amidst the unpredictability/likelihood that a child might misbehave, thus causing pain and anguish for surrounding patrons. The owner of McDain’s restaurant in Pennsylvania, where the “no children” rule is in place, says that having loud kids at a restaurant is “the height of being impolite and selfish.”

gREATER TOlERANcE fOR fAMIly DININgBy Shannon Brown, NPN member since 2010

Shannon Brown, after a cross-country move from sunny Florida, is an

elementary school teacher currently staying home with her precious,

never-tantruming two-year-old son. She loves sarcasm and the color pink.

Photo.courtesy.Shannon.Brown.

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO SIMPlE cOMMON cOURTESy? IT gOES bOTH WAyS.

npnparents.org • 9npnparents.org • 9

bEfORE TIME OUTS By JoAnne Loper, Tuesday’s Child, NPN member since 2010

Families often see such positive results from acknowledging and praising good behavior that consequences and time outs aren’t necessary often. Strong-willed children tend to start listening more when parents’ attention is positive. Also, giving specificity to behaviors you want to increase is more effective than simply saying “good job.” Some families need to do more to change bad behavior, but acknowledgement and praise is the foundation that must be in place before other behavior management tools can be effective.

Three critical behaviors to acknowledge in your children are making good choices, being a good listener and being safe. Successful practice of these behaviors will remain important in every stage of your child’s life.

Parents often ask, “How can I stop my child from hitting/jumping on the couch/whining or crying to get his way, etc.?” Often, these parents are surprised at the answer. It’s not, “Use time outs effectively” or “Make sure your child understands the consequences of misbehavior.” Rather than the consequence, or even the misbehavior itself, parents should focus on noticing and praising the good behavior, however rare it might seem. Parents also should try to understand what motivates their child to cooperate or follow rules; since you can’t motivate after a bad behavior, this requires you to be one step ahead of the kids. To begin with, it’s best for parents to examine what precedes and follows their child’s good behaviors.

Specific praise firstAn important first step in changing bad behavior is to always acknowledge the good behavior, or “reinforce” the behaviors you want to see more often.

• When your child holds your hand and cooperatively gets into her car seat, say, “Holding my hand and getting into the car nicely shows that you know how to be safe!”

• When your child follows a direction on the first request: “I appreciate that you listened quickly.”

• When your child calmly picks between the sweatshirt and the sweater: “That’s a good choice.”

• When you notice that your children are playing together nicely (i.e., not fighting, screaming, jumping on the furniture, etc.): “You guys are playing so nicely together.”

Tuesday’s Child provides programming for families across the Chicagoland area,

utilizing a unique parent training model and a child center where professional

staff reinforce parenting techniques and promote school readiness. JoAnne Loper,

director of parent training at Tuesday’s Child, has four boys ages 13 to 25.

fAMIlIES OfTEN SEE SUcH POSITIVE RESUlTS fROM AckNOWlEDgINg AND PRAISINg gOOD bEHAVIOR THAT cONSEqUENcES AND TIME OUTS AREN’T NEcESSARy OfTEN.

gOOD JOb!


2. Keep above the fray if your kids try to pit one of you against the other. Children are surprisingly keen at sensing their parents are facing a stressful time and could use it to their advantage. Try to avoid ceding to your kids’ requests just to avoid being seen as the “bad guy.”

3. Only speak in laudatory terms about your (soon to be ex-) significant other. Once your kids see their parents getting along, they’re less likely to try to use conflict as a weapon to get what they want

4. Communicate, communicate, communicate. For some parents, a divorce means the relationship simply didn’t work out and there are no hard feelings that would preclude friendly conversation about the children. For others, email is a safe way to distance yourself from the emotional baggage. Ourfamilywizard.com is a great tool for parents who need a safe neutral location to co-parent. However it’s done, the more you communicate with your former partner, the more your children benefit.

Negotiating the pitfalls of united discipline can be tough enough on parents who are getting along. But what about those whose marriage is facing a demise?

Here’s what I’m sure is an all-too-familiar scenario. Your little one coyly asks you if he or she can stay up just a little longer tonight. He or she insists that they just have to stay up to see the end of Toy Story 3—that, even though you have the DVD and it will no doubt be paused at the same scene tomorrow morning, it won’t possibly be the same if they can’t finish the movie tonight.

You’re resolute, however. No nap today, you were assaulted with a 6 a.m. hair-tugging wake-up call, and your little angel has already tested your patience by throwing dinner on the floor to “signal” the meal’s over. And then, just when you think you’ve dug your heels in successfully, you hear the unraveling: “But Daddy said…”

Parents have a tough enough time figuring out when to draw the line in the sand, and doing it in synch with your partner or spouse is even trickier. But parents who can’t get along with each other face a much steeper obstacle. How is it at all possible for parents who will soon maintain separate households to successfully tackle the discipline conundrum together?

Here are a few tips that a divorcing couple can take to make sure, while their marriage is on the rocks, their child-rearing remains steadfast and united:

1. Come up with a list of priorities that you can agree on and stick to it. Plan to revisit the list on an ongoing basis. While a divorce is pending, that could simply be a handwritten list you keep in your nightstand. Post-divorce, the list should be a parenting agreement with a parenting style both of you are committed to.

UNITED PARENTINg IN A DIVIDED HOUSEHOlD: IS IT POSSIblE?By Kathryn L. Mickelson, NPN member since 2011

Kathryn L. Mickelson ([email protected]) lives in Wicker

Park with her husband Kory and their 21-month-old son Luke. She is a

family law associate attorney at Beermann Swerdlove LLP, handling all

types of complex domestic relations cases, including divorce, custody,

parentage and domestic violence issues.

HOW IS IT AT All POSSIblE fOR PARENTS WHO WIll SOON MAINTAIN SEPARATE HOUSEHOlDS TO SUccESSfUlly TAcklE THE DIScIPlINE cONUNDRUM TOgETHER?


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Here are some ideas:

Before baby’s arrival

• Let your child know that Mommy will go to the hospital, Mommy will return, and everyone will be together again at home.

• Encourage pretend “baby” play with a stuffed animal/baby doll.

• Read children’s books about new babies.

• Give the sibling a role in preparing (i.e., draw a picture for the nursery).

When baby arrives: encourage sibling bonding

• Give a specific job to the sibling; i.e., get burp cloths, show a book to the baby, turn on lullaby CD, etc.

• Discuss how the baby is “talking” to sibling with eyes, body, cries. Comment positively when the sibling “talks” back. Help model singing and “baby talk.”

• Encourage siblings to touch and snuggle.

• Let the sibling choose a copy of a picture with him/her and the new baby to post anywhere in the house.

Help the older sibling cope with feelings of insecurity/jealousy

• Learn to pass the baby, not just the sibling, to another caregiver.

• Schedule a date hour or date evening with Mom; mark it on a calendar.

• Allow the sibling to choose an activity for everyone for the day (i.e., library, playground, etc.). This helps children to cope when they do not have control over an activity (hello—breastfeeding!).

Avoid words like “big” boy/girl and expect some regression to behaviors from a younger age (i.e., accidents, sucking pacifier, baby talk). These behaviors serve a purpose in allowing a child to re-gain security and usually disappear quickly if you remain calm. Disciplining for the behaviors or heavy correcting will tend to have the opposite effect and lead to increased anxiety in your child.

Enjoy the ride with your newly expanded family!

“Go downstairs Grandma!” were the words of my three-year-old son two days into my mom’s stay after baby #2’s arrival. What is a sleep-deprived, donut-sitting mom to do? We need help. We often hear, “Your oldest will love one-on-one time with Grandma, Aunt Barb, even (gulp) Dad, when the new baby comes home, he/she will be fine.” But the introduction is not that easy. Despite my training as a child development specialist, I was caught off guard by my son’s clinging regression and general insistence on not leaving any area that I happened to occupy. (He was not even a mama’s boy to begin with—I could only imagine the drama of a kid who was!) This is not to belittle the strong emotions of an older sibling; young children are quite capable of feeling genuine sadness, anger and fear, especially during a big change. When our grown-up minds step back and think about it from the child’s perspective, it makes sense. All of a sudden, a “new” baby is in the house, and children, being literal thinkers, may feel threatened as the “old” version of that baby. Children have been known to ask, “Do I get thrown out—like something old?” or, since the baby is new and interfering with our routine, “Can they go back?” It can be a confusing time for a young child!

Knowing how early experience shapes our little ones’ brains, what can we do to make the arrival of a new sibling more positive and make things easier for us as parents?

bAby 1, MEET bAby 2: A HOW-TO gUIDE ON A PROPER INTRODUcTIONBy Sara Sladoje, GRASP, NPN member since 2010

Sara Sladoje is a child development specialist and the co-founder, with

psychotherapist Alison Kramme, of GRASP|Support Services to GROW

AS PARENTS, which provides consultation, therapy, support groups and

educational workshops. She is the mother of George (8) and baby #2

Samantha (5). Visit graspgroup.net and FACEBOOK.com/graspgroup

kNOWINg HOW EARly ExPERIENcE SHAPES OUR lITTlE ONES’ bRAINS, WHAT cAN WE DO TO MAkE THE ARRIVAl Of A NEW SIblINg MORE POSITIVE AND MAkE THINgS EASIER fOR US AS PARENTS?

Photo.courtesy.Sara.Sladoje.


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SOcIAl SNAPSHOT

cONNEcTINg WITH fAMIlIES THROUgH THE NPN blOg, fAcEbOOk AND TWITTER fEEDSBy Melanie Schlachter, NPN Associate Executive Director, NPN member since 2007

SOcIAl SNAPSHOT WINTER gIVEAWAyTell us on Facebook or Twitter before Dec. 18 about a new or established family tradition you will enjoy this holiday season. One winner will get a family 4-pack to Feld Entertainment’s Disney On Ice presents Dare to Dream:

• Allstate Arena: Weds., Jan. 25 at 7 p.m. OR Thurs., Jan. 26 at 7 p.m.

• United Center: Weds., Feb. 1 at 7 p.m. OR Thurs., Feb. 2 at 7 p.m.

yOU kNOW yOU HAVE AN NPN cITy kID…..Congratulations to our NPN Facebook winner! Thanks to everyone who submitted little urban dweller pics. “Like” NPN to see the rest of the adorable City Kids and to make sure you get the latest updates.

THESE lUcky bRITAx WINNERS ARE NOW ENJOyINg THEIR OWN NEW “RIDES”:

This duo captured the hearts of el riders everywhere..


STAyINg HEAlTHy AND SANE: TWEEPlES TO fOllOW fOR SURVIVINg WINTER1. Get recipes, tips on getting toddlers to listen,

help on de-stressing your morning routine and more from @BrightHorizons.

2. Stop by @GoddardSchool for useful tips on early childhood development, education and parenting.

3. Stay well with @HealthyJasmine, a mom specializing in gluten-free living, pregnancy wellness and infant health.

4. Get inspired to protect children from harmful chemicals with @Healthy_Child.

5. Declutter your home and your brain with professional organizing tips from @LessIsMoreSarah and @naikpooj.

6. Read advice to decrease stress, anxiety and anger and improve sleep and self-esteem from @StressFreeKids.

7. Keep up on the latest Chicago education news with nonprofit friends: Healthy Schools Campaign @healthyschools and Chicago News Coop @cncschools.

fOllOW US: @NPNPARENTS!Our feed is chock-full of family-friendly Chicago events, news, fun and everything in between!

Melanie Schlachter is eternally grateful for the lasting friendships and support

she received from her NPN New Moms Group and relies on invaluable tips and

resources from NPN’s Discussion Forum. She lives in Andersonville with her

husband Christian, son Jack, daughter Clara and dog Parker.

“SOcIAl ScENE” OUT AND AbOUT WITH NPN MEMbERS AND VOlUNTEERS

New Moms Mingle at Bubbles Academy.

NPN Day at Wrigley Field.

Dads enjoying New Member Mingle at Bubbles Academy (courtesy of Bum Bul Bee Photography).

NPN board members volunteering at the School Fair at Grossinger City Autoplex.


Sarah Kozlowski is co-founder, with Amy Cahill, of More Than Milk

(morethanmilk.org), which provides moms with an avenue to explore,

get involved and be inspired through philanthropy. By connecting

moms with deserving nonprofits, we provide partner organizations with

heightened awareness in the community, financial support and energetic

and talented volunteers.

RAISINg kIDS TO gIVE bAck: IT’S NEVER TOO EARly TO gET STARTED! By Sarah Kozlowski, More Than Milk, NPN member since 2011

With the approach of winter comes the anticipation of giving—giving presents, giving thanks, giving back. This time of abundant parties, gifts and good cheer to celebrate the holidays inspires many of us to think about how we can help spread that happiness by helping others.

As an adult, I’ve found it pretty easy to give back by participating in a gift drive at work, bringing canned goods to a grocery store or buying for a young child whose short wish list is posted on a “Giving Tree” at my local gym. But this year is different. I’m no longer just me, and my husband and I are no longer just “we.” We are now a family of three, and we want our one-year-old daughter Lila to understand and participate in the tradition of giving back, even at her early age.

When should families start encouraging their kids to give back and volunteer? This is a question my husband and I have asked ourselves since Lila was born last November, and the answer we kept coming back to is: Why not start now? We prioritize teaching her about many things that are important to us, and we make time to read to her, prepare healthy food for her and expose her to music and culture (ahh, the opportunities for an urban baby!). Giving back is just another core value I hope she acquires and wants to make time for as she grows and her time becomes her own, rather than mommy-directed. And, of course, babies and kids learn behavior best through examples set by their best role models, their parents, so we need to cultivate this value through our actions first.

How to get started in ChicagoWho could argue the value of raising kids who understand that even the smallest act of kindness can change the course of someone’s day or life? Much of today’s early child development research points to the importance of instilling this belief early on, affirming that teaching babies to do meaningful things is a top way to help raise a happy child.

In the More Than Milk community in Chicago, moms are volunteering with their kids from the time they are just a few months old. More than Milk is an organization promoting the development of a family culture of giving and providing opportunities for moms to continue to learn, grow and use their many talents to support others. By giving back, moms are generating “more than milk” to talk about with their friends and family. Can you think of a richer conversation than talking about the good you, your children and others are doing for the community?

When philanthropy starts young, it becomes a way of life, generates rich dialogue at dinner tables and develops into an activity families can always do together. It’s never too early to teach your kids to give back, and this holiday season is a perfect time to start.

WHEN PHIlANTHROPy STARTS yOUNg, IT bEcOMES A WAy Of lIfE, gENERATES RIcH DIAlOgUE AT DINNER TAblES AND DEVElOPS INTO AN AcTIVITy fAMIlIES cAN AlWAyS DO TOgETHER.

Photo.courtesy.Sarah.Kozlowski.


NPN DEVElOPMENTAl DIffERENcES ScHOOl & RESOURcES fAIR

When: February 4, 2012, 10 am – 1pm

What: Our 1st event dedicated to families of children with developmental differences. Connect with 50 exhibitors representing Chicago school programs, service providers, and nonprofits.

Who: Open to the public. Free admission. RSVP is not required.

Where: Gordon Tech High School, 3633 N. California Ave.

contact [email protected] to learn more!

gOOD gIVINg: WAyS TO gIVE bAck• Bundle of Joy (bundleofjoydiaperbank.org): Collect leftover diapers at your

next playgroup or purchase an extra box on a grocery run. Cover and protect Chicago’s littlest ones!

• Open Books (open-books.org): Clear off your shelves and plan a donation trip to Open Books. Support Chicago literacy and find some new books to enjoy!

• Birthday party alternatives: Choose a charity with your child and skip the party gifts.

• Volunteer with NPN and support Chicago families!Please contact [email protected]

Plan events for one of these groups:

Rogers Park

Single Parents

Participate in one of these committees:

Event Planning

Fundraising/Silent Auction/Grants

School Fair & Directory

Volunteer Recruiting and Management

Thank you for attending the NPN event at

Please present coupon at time of write up. Limit one coupon per visit. Plus waste removal and taxes. Expire 11/30/11.

CITY AUTOPLEX

1530 N. Dayton312-291-2111


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FREEPlease present coupon at time of write up. Limit one coupon per visit.

Plus waste removal and taxes. Expire 11/30/11.

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NEW fOR 2012!

Thank you to our sponsors!


Nancy Cowles is a mother of three and lives in Oak Park. She is executive

director of Kids In Danger (KidsInDanger.org), a nonprofit in River North

working to keep children safe.

DRAWINg A lINE fOR SAfETy By Nancy Cowles, Kids In Danger, NPN member since 2011

It is always a little awkward when you see moms in your play group, your in-laws or, let’s face it, complete strangers engaging in what seem like unsafe child care practices or wanting to do something you don’t think is entirely safe when your child is in their care. How should you handle this?

When it comes to safety—especially car safety or safe sleep—it is worth the risk of being impolite and stating your position. Situations range from your parents pulling down an old crib from the attic for your newborn’s visit to a helpful friend willing to take your child for a play date—but without a safety seat.

What can you do to stick to your safety practices without hurting feelings or insulting a mother-in-law or friend who does things differently?

First, know the facts: babies sleep safest in a bare crib. Older model cribs, recalled bassinets or play yards or improvised sleeping environments, such as couch pillows or strollers, are dangerous, creating entrapment and suffocation hazards that have killed children. And it is the law that children travel in car safety restraints. Study after study shows that properly used car restraint systems save lives.

Remind the person that while the likelihood of any one child being injured in these situations might be small, the fact is, sleep environments and car seats are vital for safety. Some children might escape injury in a recalled crib or on a couch or pillow, but all it takes is one night and a product failure for heartache to ensue.

When you are entrusting your children to another’s care, provide the portable crib, travel bassinet or car seat to make sure your child is safe. With today’s compact products, it is easy to bring one along while traveling.

Perhaps the stickier question is how you respond when you believe a friend’s child is sleeping or traveling unsafely. It’s one thing to insist when it is your child, but you can only present information to other parents. If you get the old “We slept in it and we’re fine,” remind them that the ones who weren’t fine aren’t here to say so. We are constantly learning more about safety and can apply that knowledge to keep children safe. Doing so will help reduce the number of parents whose children die in preventable accidents.

Children face all kinds of risks in their lives—many we can’t control. But making sure infants and toddlers are safe while sleeping and while traveling is something we can do.

cHIlDREN fAcE All kINDS Of RISkS IN THEIR lIVES— MANy WE cAN’T cONTROl. bUT MAkINg SURE INfANTS AND TODDlERS ARE SAfE WHIlE SlEEPINg AND WHIlE TRAVElINg IS SOMETHINg WE cAN DO.

Photo.courtesy.SIDS.of.Illinois.


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T H E R E A D I N G C L I N I C

Diagnostic Reading Testing

Early Reading Preparation

Remedial Reading

Enrichment Programs

Writing Workshops

Summer Programs

4TH ANNUAL

FAMILY FESTIVAL

SAVE THE DATE!

WHEN: Saturday, March 3, 2012

9:30 am–12:30 pm

WHERE: The Cubby Bear

1059 W. Addison St.

TICKETS:Members: $20 Adults/$10 Kids

Non-Members: $25 Adults/$15 Kids

Under age 1 free.

Family Discounts Available!

Save 15% w/ CODE ffearlybird15

(limited time!)

Buy tickets at:

npnparents.org/events/379

GIVE BACK TO NPN AND GET YOUR GROOVE ON WITH THE WHOLE FAMILY!

ROCKIN’ LIVE

MUSIC

FUN GAMES

& MORE!

ROCKSTARMAKEOVERS

INTERACTIVE DANCING

TASTY TREATS

Design provided by ME Ottenstein & Bill Costantino. Media Sponsor


Here are some tips and tricks you can implement on your way to having a better-behaved child:

• Use “please,” “thank you” and “pardon me” even when the children are babies. It is never too early for a child to begin hearing certain key words. The more familiar they are, the more comfortable children will be using them.

• Try not to make manners a “task.” Being polite and having proper etiquette is not a chore; it should be something that becomes second nature.

• Reminding one to say “please” and “thank you” is fair, but forcing a child will make etiquette seem negative.

• When you hear children say something polite, respond pleasantly and positively. For example: “Pardon me, Mommy?” “Thank you for being so polite, Charlie, I said…”

• It is always polite to excuse yourself for invading someone else’s personal space and be grateful when people do something for you. Having the confidence to look someone in the eye and thank him or her for the gesture can be difficult for a child to understand. However, with a good example, children will use manners as easily as breathing and eating.

That store again. You’re there and you’re deciding whether to get healthy cereal or the delicious sugary kind that we all know tastes better. You overhear a child asking for candy, and the mother replies, “Sure, we can get something small.” And then you hear a faint little voice reply, “Yay, Mommy, thank you.” Which scenario sounds better?

You are strolling through the store, taking in the bright colors and big words on the various boxes. Then you hear it: the unmistakable sound of a mother and child arguing over whether or not to buy candy. The mother is firmly explaining they do not need any candy, but the child will not listen. As this goes back and forth, the child begins to stomp his feet and wail. Mom’s cheeks flush with embarrassment, and finally the kid—with the candy—goes into the cart.

As a parent, scenes such as this make you want to crawl under a rock to avoid the dirty glances from passersby. The reality is that all children misbehave. With busy schedules and longer school days, maintaining a sane household can be quite the feat. Though it is not uncommon to witness a child throwing a tantrum in public, it can be avoided. Teaching proper etiquette from the beginning is essential to a child’s social development. While all children learn in different ways and at different rates, manners should be a priority in a child’s life. Adults are constantly on display for children, who will model what they witness day-to-day.

TEAcHINg gOOD MANNERSTO lITTlE ONESBy Karla Issa, NPN member since 2010

Karla Issa has been a professional nanny for more than five years and

runs a nanny-consulting firm, Fancy Nannies. She is also a full-time

student at DePaul University studying political science/pre-law and en-

trepreneurship. She resides in Lincoln Park with her pug Lola.

ADUlTS ARE cONSTANTly ON DISPlAy fOR cHIlDREN, WHO WIll MODEl WHAT THEy WITNESS DAy-TO-DAy.

Photo.courtesy.Karla.Issa.

PlEASE

THANk yOU

PARDON ME


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Rachel Kramer recently began staying home with her two-year-old son

after 11 years in fundraising. She lives in Ukrainian Village with her

husband and son.

SHARINg: A UNIqUEly cHIlDISH SkIll By Rachel Kramer, NPN member since 2009

Like all parents, in addition to the biggies like health and happiness, I hope with all my heart that my son will be a nice person. I am careful to teach kindness by example and by pointing out people we see being nice. I have noticed, though, that modeling sharing and finding other adults sharing in their daily lives is more challenging than I expected.

As adults, how many of our possessions do we have to share regularly, especially with others we don’t know well? Sharing is a skill that is both uniquely difficult for children and, in some ways, unique to them, overall.

I’ve found that the best way to develop my son’s ability to share is to provide lots of opportunities for practice. For only children and/or kids who are not in school or child care (like my son), it may take effort to find these opportunities. So—though I share other parents’ desire to avoid high-pitched shrieks of “MINE!” and embarrassing tantrums—instead of avoiding places where I know my son will scuffle with other kids over toys and turn-taking, I seek them out and dive right in.

The following places and situations provide wonderful opportunities to flex my son’s sharing muscle:

• Sandboxes: For sharing practice, there is nothing better than an enclosed area with a limited number of toys. Bring some of your own toys in addition to enjoying the ones that are in the sandbox. “Mine” isn’t necessarily a terrible word if it means, “This is mine and I will share with you.”

• Playdates: Hosting playdates is the ultimate sharing challenge since it requires the host to be the “giver” the entire time. It helps to hide my son’s most special toys; the sight of others playing with them is just too difficult. Going to another child’s home for a playdate is a great opportunity to develop understanding if you talk with your child about the fact that all the toys belong to his friend.

• Art classes: Even if your child isn’t a little Monet, art classes provide opportunities to share supplies; trade for a favorite color paper or marker; take turns with tools like glue and scissors; and, often, work together to complete a group piece and then share pride in the accomplishment.

• Indoor play spaces: Sharing at indoor play spaces sometimes takes some encouragement; there are so many toys and areas to explore, it’s often easier to move along to something else rather than share or take turns. Encouraging your child to interact with the other kids makes trips to these cold-and-rainy-weather havens great sharing practice.

• Toy and book stores: Why go out to the train table at Barnes & Noble or Building Blocks toy store when you have one at your home? When you do, your child can practice sharing the trains and the track with the other kids.

Finally, after lots of sharing time, praise your child for his effort and give him a break: play time with his toys alone, no sharing required. The lack of screams, snatching and tears will be quiet music to your ears.

SHARINg IS A SkIll THAT IS bOTH UNIqUEly DIffIcUlT fOR cHIlDREN AND, IN SOME WAyS, UNIqUE TO THEM, OVERAll.

Photo.courtesy.Rachel.Kramer.


2301 North Clark Street (at Belden)

Telephone: (312) 361-3539LittleGemsInternational.com

Little GEMS International is coming to Lincoln Park.

GEMS Education, the world’s foremost provider of private education for children from birth through grade 12, is proud to announce its newest school:Little GEMS InternationalLincoln Park

From 6 weeks to 5 years of age

MUSIC FOR EARLY CHILDHOOD(Birth through Age 6) Music Together: Babies Birth—8 months

Music Together: Mixed Age Birth—Age 4

Music Together: Spanish Fusion Birth—Age 4

Exploring Musical Instruments Ages 3—5

Percussion for Kids Ages 4—6

BE the Music! Ages 3—6

First Chorus Ages 4—6

Winter Term Open Registration Begins: November 21, 2011

To Register: Visit colum.edu/sherwood

New Parents: enter code NPN to receive $25 OFF

COLUM.EDU/SHERWOOD1312 S. MICHIGAN AVE., CHICAGO, IL 60605 312.369.3100

Photo: Nolan Wells


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The key points to our bedtime plan

• I set a bedtime in tune with when I thought they were getting sleepy (fussiness, yawning, etc.).

• I came up with a simple routine. They got fussy reading a whole book (even a short one) so I read just a few pages and rocked them for a minute.

• I put them in the crib drowsy but awake. It’s worth a try but it may not work at this age.

• I tried not to get frustrated if it didn’t work. Every night is a new night.

Some special considerations for multiples

• I didn’t worry too much about one twin waking the other. It’s better to get them used to crying now. Plus, they were already used to it from the NICU.

• I worked on keeping their sleep and feeding schedules synchronized by waking the other twin to eat when one woke up to eat. The times I didn’t do this were total chaos!

What’s next? Naps and sleep training!Most babies are ready for some sort of sleep training around four to six months. For now, we are working on figuring out a relaxing bedtime routine, getting the twins used to sleeping in their cribs and having them practice falling asleep on their own. Hopefully this is a great start to good sleep for everyone!

As a psychologist who treats sleep disorders, I think about sleep every day. But when I became a parent of twins, my interest in sleep took a completely new direction.

At about six weeks, the twins began to fight to stay awake, even when they were very sleepy. They also started getting fussy in the evening. One night I spent three hours rocking babies, settling one down only to have the other wake up and start crying. That’s when I decided it was time to start working on their sleep.

Now what? When and how to start with good sleep habitsI knew what I needed to do (bath, bottle, book, then kiss goodnight) but I didn’t know how and when to start. I decided the fussy time in the evening was most likely a sign of sleepiness. So, between 7 and 8 p.m. became the goal for bedtime.

The first night I tried it—bath, bottle, snuggle and a few pages of a book. I put them down drowsy but awake, kissed them goodnight and walked out. My daughter promptly fell asleep and stayed asleep until she woke for a feeding. My son also fell asleep quickly but woke up after 30 minutes. Oh well—50 percent isn’t too bad. I eventually ended up using the swing to help him calm down, then transferred him to the crib.

Night 2: They both fell asleep and stayed asleep until the next feeding.

Night 3: My son fell asleep and stayed asleep, but my daughter had a little more trouble and needed to be rocked for a while. And that’s how it’s been for the past few weeks. It hasn’t been perfect but I’ve kept at it. Things in the sleep department are headed in the right direction.

IT HASN’T bEEN PERfEcT bUT I’VE kEPT AT IT. THINgS IN THE SlEEP DEPARTMENT ARE HEADED IN THE RIgHT DIREcTION.

SlEEP DEPRIVATION (DOUblED!)By Kelly Glazer Baron, Ph.D., MPH, NPN member since 2011

Kelly Glazer Baron, Ph.D., MPH lives in Lakeview East with her husband

Steve and their four-month-old twins Joshua and Molly. Kelly is a clinical

psychologist at Northwestern Feinberg School of Medicine and specializes

in behavioral sleep medicine.

Photo.courtesy.Kelly.Glazer.Baron.


lINcOlN SqUARE/NORTH cENTERAndies, 1467 W. Montrose great kabobs

Homemade Pizza Company, 4603 N. Lincoln take and bake your own pizzas

Real Kitchen, 1433 W. Montroseamazing “Charlie Trotter’s to go” concept and great prices

Rolls ’N Bowls, 5501 N. Lincolngreat Asian food and rolls, inexpensive

Youngs, 3949 N. Ashland Chinese

Jimmy’s Pizza & Cafe, 5159 N. LincolnNY-style pizza in enormous portions, delicious beignets

Me dee Cafe, 4805 N. Damengreat Thai, delivers all hours of the night, mochi in half a dozen flavors

NEAR WEST/NEAR SOUTHButterfly Sushi, 1131 W. Madison Order online for delivery or pick-up

Morgan Street Café, 111 S. Morgangreat deli-style sandwiches, soups and some desserts

OlD IRVINg/PORTAgE PARk Gale Street Inn, 4914 N. Milwaukee wonderful ribs

Smoque BBQ, 3800 N. Pulaskiincredible barbecue

Trattoria Porretta, 3656 N. Central

ANDERSONVIllE Calo Ristorante, 5343 N. Clark Italian, best delivery pizza

Mista, 5351 N. Clark organic wraps and salads

Piatto Pronto, 5624 N. Clark awesome deli sandwiches made to order at awesome prices, super-friendly owner

lAkEVIEWCozy Noodles, 3456 N. Sheffield great Thai

DMK, 2954 N. Sheffield burgers

La Gondola, 2914 N. AshlandItalian

Pompeii, 2955 N. Sheffield Italian

Raj Darbar, 2660 N. Halsted Indian

Robey Pizza, 1958 W. Roscoe fast delivery, great pizza

Thai Classic, 3332 N. Clark more great Thai

lINcOlN PARkBricks, 1909 N. Lincoln delicious thin crust pizza with huge assortment of toppings, the best for a cold winter night

Noodles in the Pot, 2453 N. Halsted big bang for your buck, delicious noodles, cheap delivery

RJ Grunts, 2056 N. Lincoln Park West great burgers

Thai Bowl, 2410 N. Lincolngreat place to satisfy your pad thai craving

NPN NEIgHbORHOOD PIckS:WINTER TAkE-OUT/DElIVERy fAVORITESCompiled by Amy Archer, NPN Program Manager, NPN member since 2003 Favorite spots from volunteers!


Amy and her family live in Lincoln Square. They love ordering the tasty and steaming

hot calzones from Pockets (4301 N. Lincoln) on a cold winter night. For family pizza

and movie night, they always call Pete’s Pizza (3737 N. Western).

WEST TOWNGreek Corner, 958 N. Damencheap and convenient

Leona’s, 1936 W. Augustatons of options and tons of food for the money

Smoke Daddy, 1804 W. Divisionreasonable, delicious and quick

The Center for Children and Families provides family-centered assessment and treatment for children birth through 8.

parent consultation

Concerned about your child?

call 312-893-7119.

Center for Children and Families451 North LaSalle StreetChicago, IL 60654-4510www.erikson.edu/ccf

graduate school in child development

SOUTH SIDEDeColores,1626 S. Halsted Mexican, great tacos and award-winning mole

Kroll’s, 1736 S. Michigan great neighborhood bar and grill food

Ma & I, 1234 S. Michiganauthentic Thai, great pad-see-ew and curry

Panozzo’s Italian Market, 1303 S. MichiganItalian deli, freshly cut meats, delicious hot subs including Italian beef

Papa John’s, 1151 W. Taylorfast delivery for the late night pizza craving

South Coast Sushi, 1700 S. Michiganawesome sushi

Neighborhood Parents Network of Chicago 3020 N. Lincoln Ave.Chicago, IL [email protected]

UPcOMINg EVENTSVisit our Calendar for more great events all over Chicago!

MARCH

39:30 a.m.–12:30 p.m.

DECEMBER

304:30–7:30 p.m.

FEBRUARy

410 a.m.–1 p.m.

Stay connected!Become a Facebook fan of Neighborhood

Parents Network of Chicago (NPN) and suggest our page to your friends!

Follow us on Twitter, twitter.com/NPNparents,

and send us a Tweet!

Events, news, contests and giveaways!

Annual Wake Up & Boogie Down Family Festival

The Cubby Bear1059 W. Addison, Chicago

A rockin’ good time for the whole family—live music, dancing, kids’ activities and giveaways!

2nd Annual Pre-New Year’s Eve Celebration

Lil’ Kickers Bradley Place2640 B W. Bradley, Chicago

Rock in the New Year (one day early!) at this family- friendly bash.

NPN Developmental Differences School & Resources Fair

Gordon Tech High School3633 N. California, Chicago

Our first school fair dedicated to improving access to resources for Chicago families, including school programs, service providers and non-profits that serve parents of children with developmental differences. RSVP is not required.

Non ProfitOrganizationU.S. Postage

PAIDChicago, IL

Permit No. 2536

Not a member yet? Join today at npnparents.org!

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