Hand in Hand for Education How Parents Help Children Succeed in School

Seminar Excerpts—

Six Things Wise Parents Do

The content of this seminar is solely the responsibility of Kent and Ella Madsen. We welcome comments and suggestions. Contact us at: s.kent.madsen@gmail.com. Access the full seminar online at the sites listed on slide 30.

v16 3-31-2013© Copyright 2013

Background

This PowerPoint presentation contains excerpts from an online parenting seminar—available through Internet links provided on Slide 30.

The full seminar describes how:• From the earliest years, parents can lay a foundation for school success. • Through the school years, parents can most effectively guide and support their children.

As we began work on the seminar, we were amazed to find a striking array of excellent videos and articles on these subjects—readily available to anyone on the Internet. It made no sense to reinvent them, and so we decided to incorporate them into our program.

For more than a year, we have been been on a mission to:• Identify and catalogue Internet materials that are most effective in teaching important

parenting principles related to education.• Organize and sequence them in a meaningful way.• Provide transitions and develop exercises and questions to engage parents and

encourage them to apply these principles in their homes.

We gratefully acknowledge the contribution that organizations sponsoring the referenced websites and materials have made to parents and families everywhere.

Background (continued)

Note on Streaming Videos: In this presentation (and in the full seminar) we make extensive use of YouTube and other Internet videos. For best results, you will need access to a good Internet connection. If you have no home connection or if the one you have is not fast enough to play the videos smoothly, try using computers at a local public library, business, church, or friend’s home. To do this without disturbing others, you may have to acquire a set of headphones.

Note on Responsibility for Content: We have chosen to offer our personal (Mormon) religious perspective on a few of the topics addressed because we think it is revealing and important. But please recognize that: (1) the seminar is for everyone, (2) we are solely responsible for its content, and (3) we do not represent any particular organization—religious or otherwise.

We offer this overview of key seminar concepts and materials for two reasons: • First, we hope it will help you to be more focused and effective in raising your children.• Second, we hope it will motivate you to dig into the full seminar.

Take a quick look at the overview now. We welcome comments and suggestions—for this short sampler and the full seminar as well.

S. Kent Madsen, Ph.D., Romance Languages, Duke University ( s.kent.madsen@gmail.com ) Ella R. Madsen, M.S., Child Development, University of California, Davis

Laying a Foundation for Learning— Six Things Parents Can Do

From the earliest years:

1. Be warm, positive, authoritative, and consistent—expect a lot of your children (and of yourself).

2. Teach work, responsibility, and persistence.3. Establish routines and structure in the home.4. Cultivate social skills and emotional maturity.5. Build academic skills.6. Embrace moral values and spiritual gifts.

Then, as children grow:

Guide and support them actively in specific school settings—from elementary school to college.

1. Be Warm, Positive, Authoritative, and Consistent—Expect a Lot of Your Children

 

What kind of parent are you? What is your parenting style?• Uninvolved?• Indulgent?• Authoritarian?• Warm and authoritative?

“Nobody rises to low expectations.” —Calvin Lloyd

These may seem like abstract terms, but the patterns of behavior they represent have a real impact on the development (or destruction) of attitudes and skills crucial to school success:

• Confidence• Openness• Motivation• Self-control

1. View video on parenting styles (launch slide show—from the Slide Show menu—and then click on this link):

http://youtu.be/AGHyB9MsMho

2. Read articles on authoritative parenting:Parenting Styles

http://psychology.about.com/od/developmentalpsychology/a/parenting-style.htm

Authoritative Parenting = Balancehttp://www.extension.umn.edu/specializations/familydevelopment/authpar.html

3. Describe the benefits associated with a warm, authoritative parenting style_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

4. Reflect on ways of demonstrating warmth and interest and maintaining credibility: • Give time, attention, and respect• Communicate, teach, and listen• Set a good example; be steady and consistent

Recognize the Power of a Warm, Authoritative Father or Mother

Your children’s confidence can be built up by the tone of everyday conversations in the home.

• If you focus on the positive—giving children honest praise for the good things they do and for their hard work—they will be more inclined to work, achieve, and embrace a positive view of themselves and their future.

• On the other hand, if you flood their minds with negative comments and criticism, they are likely to become hesitant, listless, fearful, shallow, and self-indulgent—unwilling to embrace life’s challenges and take the risks crucial to learning, growth, and progress.

Build Confidence

Your goal as a parent should be to notice and praise your children’s real accomplishments—to catch them doing good things every day.

Give Meaningful Praise

View the video and article below to find out what the experts have discovered. Take notes on what you hear and read. Let a day pass, and then review and reflect on your notes (and perhaps view the videos again). This is very important material.

How to Praise Childrenhttp://youtu.be/Wqo4c-FlFGE

I Think I Can! I Think I Can!http://www.nasponline.org/publications/cq/pdf/V39N3_FT_Self-Efficacy.pdf

You might think all praise is of equal power in building confidence and a sense of competence in your children? The people who study these things say no.

Prize Effort, Growth, and Learning

Links to view and ponder

What Is a “Growth Mindset”http://mindsetonline.com/whatisit/about/index.html

Fostering Growth Mindsetshttp://youtu.be/o-SaTBg5eIc

“Every mountain top is within reach if you just keep climbing.” —Barry Finlay

View video number 2 on “Authority” in this nine-video series onresponsive discipline:

http://www.youtube.com/user/casmith46

Record ideas on how you might apply principles of authoritative parenting and responsive discipline in your home._________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Exercise Parental Authority Wisely

1. View video number 3 (on “Limits”) in the series on responsive discipline:

http://www.youtube.com/user/casmith46

2. List characteristics of effective limits.__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Make Rules and Set Limits

Use this worksheet to consider potential family rules. If you decide a rule is needed in a topic area, phrase it in the positive, rather than the negative. For example, “Eat only in the kitchen” means the same thing as “No eating in any room with a rug,” but it tends to be more “friendly.”

Household responsibility and participation _________________________________________________

Mealtimes_________________________________________________

Snacking_________________________________________________

Other food concerns_________________________________________________

Privacy_________________________________________________

Language_________________________________________________

TV and video games_________________________________________________

Homework _________________________________________________

Other school issues_________________________________________________

Indoor physical activity_________________________________________________

Extracurricular activities_________________________________________________

Sibling behavior_________________________________________________

Forbidden activities_________________________________________________

Telephone _________________________________________________

Family Rules Definition Worksheet

Computer and Internet use_______________________________________________

Reading_______________________________________________

Pets and pet care_______________________________________________

Allowance_______________________________________________

Earnings_______________________________________________

Savings_______________________________________________

Family functions_______________________________________________

Guests_______________________________________________________________________

Family Rules Definition Worksheet (continued)

Family Rules Definition Worksheet (contd)

Permissions_________________________________________________

Modesty_________________________________________________

Car_________________________________________________

Smoking, alcohol, and other drugs_________________________________________________

Curfew_________________________________________________

Dating_________________________________________________

Sexual activity_________________________________________________

2. Teach Work, Responsibility, and Persistence

Teaching responsibility

We all want our children to become hard-working, responsible adults:

• To be dutiful and independent• To be organized• To do hard things (such as go to college)• To stick with important jobs until they are completed.

But in subtle and not so subtle ways, we sometimes deprive them of the experience of doing these very things during the growing-up years.

“The most important thing parents can teach their children is how to get along without them.” —Frank Clark

How could that happen? What would motivate it? What would be the likely outcome?

As you peruse the material below, take notes and think about how you might give your children more experience and encouragement in:

• Working hard • Making good choices• Accepting responsibility• Solving problems and overcoming obstacles• Persevering with difficult tasks until they are

completed

Teach via Chores, Choices, and Consequences

Articles and VideosAge-Appropriate Chores

http://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/chores-for-childrenGiving Children Choices

http://www.arfamilies.org/family_life/parenting/character/giving_children_choices.htmHow to Motivate Kids to Do Chores

http://youtu.be/SU_yWD3poU0Teaching Middle-Schoolers Responsibility and Independence

http://youtu.be/jlmn4zhzcwU

GritOne quality associated with educational success is "grit," which has been described as "perseverance and a passion for long-term goals." Gritty people possess persistence of motive and effort. They are more focused on winning the marathon than the sprint. Individuals with grit are able to maintain their determination and motivation over long periods of time despite experiences with failure and adversity. Their passion and commitment to a long-term objective is what provides the stamina required to stay the course. But how does a child develop grit? Launch a slide show, and click on the links below for some good ideas: 

Raising Gritty Kidshttp://happyfamiliesblog.blogspot.com/2011/06/raising-gritty-kids.html

Achievement Motivationhttp://youtu.be/6Jsui7ppoFw

Deferred GratificationDeferred Gratification (Article and Links)

Impart the “Gift of Grit”— Achievement Motivation, Self-Discipline, Persistence

“I will is more important than IQ.” —Marva Collins

What is the value of establishing and maintaining family routines?

Routines give children a sense of order, organization, security, control, and predictability. Examples include morning routines, after-school routines, meal times, bed times, and limits on TV or other media.

Although children may chafe against schedules and structure from time to time, they reap significant benefits. Children from families with consistent standards and routines do better in school and in other arenas. Routines teach organization and seem to prepare children for the structure of classroom, work, and social environments.

3. Establish Routines and Structure in the Home

“A child wants some kind of undisrupted routine or rhythm. He seems to want a predictable, orderly world.”

—Abraham Maslow

One Routine That Really Matters: Regular Family Dinners

Ronald Reagan once said: “All great change . . . begins at the dinner table.”

Family researchers agree. Laurie David, producer and author of “The Family Dinner: Great Ways to Connect with Your Kids,” (2010) claims that:

“Basically, everything a parent worries about can be improved by the simple act of sitting down and sharing a meal.”

Miriam Weinstein, author of “The Surprising Power of Family Meals,” (2005) writes:

“Better grades, healthier eating habits, closer relationships to parents and siblings, ability to resist negative peer pressure, resilience in the face of life's problems — all these are outcomes of simply sharing dinner on a regular basis . . . . Experts everywhere agree: sharing meals helps cement family relationships [and build skills of many different kinds]

“. . . family meals . . . are the single most important activity . . . to enhance the life of children.” --Dr. William Doherty

View the following videos and read the article. Make notes on what you learn.

The Value of Family Dinner (Part 1)http://youtu.be/9ETtdZZS6iw

The Value of Family Dinner (Part 2)http://youtu.be/aHOEddf9fv0

The Importance of Eating Togetherthefamilydinnerproject.org/resources/faq/

Notes on the importance of family dinners____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Why Are Family Dinners So Important?

Are there other routines that would be good for your children?

• Set meal times? • Bed times?• Study times?• Chore times?• Play times?• Reading times? • Family meeting and activity times?

Take a look at this excellent article for ideas.http://www.arfamilies.org/family_life/parenting/character.htm

Establishing Other Family Routines

Build curiosity, confidence, unity, and a culture of learning by exploring the world as a family.

Schedule Regular Family Activities, Field Trips, and Outings

Here are some ideas:• Take walks, talk about what you see,

welcome questions, and find answers• Read together, and pursue hobbies

and personal interests• Visit family and friends, and invite them tell you their stories and describe

life lessons• Learn about your ancestors, and put a photo album together• Show your children how things work• Arrange for visits to fire stations, factories, mills, workshops, and

interesting local businesses• Attend concerts, shows, plays, and festivals• Visit museums, parks, historic sites, and scenic wonders• Take trips; go on picnics• Find Internet resources that can teach, inspire, and stimulate curiosity

4. Cultivate Social Skillsand Emotional Maturity

School is a social experience. And it requires self control.

Children who are quick to make friends and who feel comfortable working in groups will do better (and be happier) there. Children with emotional intelligence (the ability to recognize, understand, and control their own emotions and relate to the emotions of others) will be more successful socially and academically.

View the following videos and articles, and make notes on what you learn.

Helping Kids Build Strong Social Connectionshttp://youtu.be/MzatPjH7bkg

Emotional Literacyhttp://youtu.be/I9xsr4Epd74

Social Skillshttp://extension.oregonstate.edu/catalog/pdf/ec/ec1317-e.pdf

Identifying/Expressing Emotionshttp://csefel.vanderbilt.edu/familytools/teaching_emotions.pdf

Dealing with Strong Emotionshttp://www.arfamilies.org/family_life/parenting/insight/insight.pdf

Summarize the “why’s and how’s” of raising a child’s social/emotional IQ.

5. Build Academic Skills—Reading, Writing, Working with Numbers

The most obvious thing parents can do at home to help children succeed in school is to promote basic academic skills: • Speaking and listening (comprehending spoken language)• Recognizing letters, numbers, and printed words• Reading stories and articles and understanding them.• Counting and working with numbers and math concepts.

Children learn spoken language from their parents. And the process begins at birth. Every conversation, every word spoken, every nursery rhyme recited, and every story told adds to vocabulary and understanding that can translate into success at school.

Parents who own books, treasure them, give them as gifts, go to the library with their children, and read regularly to and with them pass on a priceless legacy. Written language can be taught and reviewed on a daily basis by pointing out words and phrases on billboards, signs, cereal boxes, storefronts, etc., as well as in magazines, newspapers, and books.

Counting and math concepts can be taught and reinforced in the context of everyday activities (cooking, sewing, shopping, building, measuring, drawing, doing crafts, etc.).

Establish

View Videos

The Importance of Reading Aloudhttp://youtu.be/2HThtiOkD2k

How to Read Out Loud with Your Preschoolerhttp://youtu.be/sZSlUVrCJRo

How to Read Out Loud with Your Preteenhttp://youtu.be/hBhEsdy6vgY

The Importance of Reading to Childrenhttp://www.5min.com/Video/Importance-of-Reading--to-Children-264565128

Establish a Family Reading/Writing Time

“Children become readers on the laps of their parents.” —Emilie Buchwald

Use Everyday Activities to FosterWord, Number, and Learning Skills

View Videos

Teaching Moments (Video Series)http://www.scholastic.com/parents/videos

“Smart is just time on task; it’s repetition and support.” —Nicole Blake

6. Embrace Moral Values and Spiritual Gifts

Seek the spirit as a partner in parenting. Learn what scriptures and church leaders have said about the importance of family, fatherhood, and motherhood.

Recognize the clear connection between religious principles and teachings and school success:

• Faith in God builds confidence, hope, and a sense of purpose and potential.

• The scriptures teach that learning and growth are central to God’s plans and hopes for man.• Allegiance to moral principles brings power and discipline—to work, serve, study, improve

oneself, control impulses, and delay gratification.• Church programs provide many school-like experiences and a strong family support system.

Work together as parents:• Follow counsel regarding family prayer, family home evenings, church attendance, moral

behavior, love, kindness, and service.• Decide exactly what you are trying to achieve with your children; use this seminar as a

catalyst for setting goals and making plans. (The worksheet on the next slide can help.)

Above all, set a good example; you are your children’s most important teacher.

What Do You Hope to Accomplish with Your Children (and How)?

Your Goals (What?)

For example: Help my children to become: --Educated/skilled --Confident/positive --Hard-working/steady --Honest/moral --Socially comfortable/ people-oriented—able to make friends, work well with others, and maintain positive relationships --Emotionally mature— able to manage moods/ practice self control

Your Plans/Strategies (How?)

To support the education goal, we’ll: --Read together often --Communicate/talk regularly --Go to the library --Provide a quiet place to study --Set a time for homework --Help kids organize materials --Communicate with teachers --Monitor school progress --Drill math facts for fun --Focus on learning new words --Pursue hobbies and interests --Explore/travel/attend cultural and community events

Your Time Frame (When?)

For the listed education plans: --Twice a week --Every day during dinner --Weekly in summer --Today --From 6 to 8 pm weekdays --This week --Monthly --Weekly --While doing chores --On trips/at dinner --On Saturday afternoons --At least once a month

Use charts like this to make plans for each parenting goal—and review progress weekly or monthly.

Summary—Six Things Wise Parents Can Do to Lay a Solid Foundation

1. Be Warm, Positive, Authoritative, and Consistent• Expect a lot of your children (and yourself).• Give time, attention, and respect; manage the tone of

everyday conversations.• Teach, communicate, listen, and set a good example.• Set limits and make expectations clear.

2. Teach Work, Responsibility, and Persistence• Have children share in household chores.• Give children choices and ample experience with natural and logical consequences.• Model self control, a strong work ethic, deferred gratification, and a growth mindset.

3. Establish Routines and Structure in the Home• Have dinner together• Schedule regular reading, writing, homework, conversation, work, meal, and bed times• Plan regular family field trips and fun activities

4. Cultivate Social Skills and Emotional Maturity

5. Build Academic Skills

6. Embrace Moral Values and Spiritual Gifts

The Full Seminar Can Help You Guide Children through the School Years

Elementary School, Middle School, High School, and College• What to expect?• Making the transitions• Keys to success• Benchmarks for achievement at each grade level

Partnering with Teachers and Becoming Involved with Schools• Parent-teacher conferences• Communicating with schools• Participating and volunteering

Homework and Study Skills• Providing a quiet, comfortable place to study• Coaching children and dealing with common homework problems• Understanding how we learn—brain development and learning

Preparing for College in Middle School and High School• Taking the right classes• Exploring interests, careers, and the world of work• Choosing a college or post-high-school technical or job training program• College application procedures and financial aid strategies

There Are Two Ways to Access the Full Seminar

1. By viewing PowerPoint files that contain all essential seminar content:• Part 1. From the Earliest Years, Parents Lay a Foundation for Learning—

available at:http://www.slideshare.net/SKMadsen/parent-seminar-student-guide-part-1laying-a-foundation-for-learning-16726108 .

• Part 2. Through the School Years, Parents Guide and Support—available at:http://www.slideshare.net/SKMadsen/parent-seminar-student-guide-part-2the-school-yearsrev-1-16725677

2. By going to our website (coming soon) and working through the same material in a different format:

www.parentingforschoolsuccess.org

Either way, best wishes to you as you embark on this family journey to education and school success. We would welcome feedback on your experience. Send comments and suggestions to s.kent.madsen@gmail.com.

FYI, Our Website is Laid out Like a Bulletin Board

www.parentingforschoolsuccess.org1. Content will be delivered on 14 learning panels posted on a green background as shown here.

2. All you’ll see initially is the central Welcome panel (full screen size).

3. To view the other panels, zoom out (or in) using the roller wheel on your mouse, and then . . .

4. . . . scroll from panel to panel by holding down the left mouse button and dragging up, down, left, or right.

6. Panel text introduces major topics. Buttons on panels launch PowerPoint slide shows with links and details. Be patient. Launching the site (and downloading some files) may take a minute or two.

5. Another way of zooming in on a given panel is to do a double left- mouse-click on it—which will bring it front and center. To zoom back, do a single right mouse click.