parent keynote
DESCRIPTION
I present this to parents a month before their students attend college.TRANSCRIPT
My kid is going to college. . .
Ryan McRae, M.Div.Resident Director, SME Faculty
My kid is going to college. . .
(And I think I might be freaking out. . . )
Ryan McRae, M.Div.Resident Director, SME Faculty
Illinois State UniversityAugust 20th, 1991
Walker Hall, 263 on 2-South. My room.
Emotions, Expectations and Easing Your Mind
Emotions, Expectations and Easing Your Mind
• What are some things you might be feeling this summer as your student prepares to go to college?
Emotions, Expectations and Easing Your Mind
• What are some things you might be feeling this summer as your student prepares to go to college?
• Sadness
Emotions, Expectations and Easing Your Mind
• What are some things you might be feeling this summer as your student prepares to go to college?
• Sadness
• Frustration
Emotions, Expectations and Easing Your Mind
• What are some things you might be feeling this summer as your student prepares to go to college?
• Sadness
• Frustration
• Loneliness
Emotions, Expectations and Easing Your Mind
• What are some things you might be feeling this summer as your student prepares to go to college?
• Sadness
• Frustration
• Loneliness
UTTER AND COMPLETE
JOY??
Say, “Yes, you’re right.”
My kid will still need me, right?
They will just need something else.
They need more advice--less action.
They need more acceptance, less adherence
They need more accountability and less authority
We’re glad you asked.
Clean a toilet.
Clean a toilet.
Cook one meal.
Cook one meal.
Use this and clean this.
Use this and clean this.
Handle a refrigerator.
Handle a refrigerator.
Know how to shop.
Know how to shop.
Handle money.
Handle money.
Play the “What If?” game?
Play the “What If?” game?
• What if you don’t like your classes, what will you do?
Play the “What If?” game?
• What if you don’t like your classes, what will you do?
• What if your roommate is shady? What if his partner is shady?
Play the “What If?” game?
• What if you don’t like your classes, what will you do?
• What if your roommate is shady? What if his partner is shady?
• What if your roommate keeps drinking out of YOUR milk carton?
Play the “What If?” game?
• What if you don’t like your classes, what will you do?
• What if your roommate is shady? What if his partner is shady?
• What if your roommate keeps drinking out of YOUR milk carton?
• What if you get the flu on the day of a midterm?
Play the “What If?” game?
• What if you don’t like your classes, what will you do?
• What if your roommate is shady? What if his partner is shady?
• What if your roommate keeps drinking out of YOUR milk carton?
• What if you get the flu on the day of a midterm?
• What if your roommate plays music while you’re sleeping?
Play the “What If?” game?
• What if you don’t like your classes, what will you do?
• What if your roommate is shady? What if his partner is shady?
• What if your roommate keeps drinking out of YOUR milk carton?
• What if you get the flu on the day of a midterm?
• What if your roommate plays music while you’re sleeping?
• What if you get written up by one of the RAs?
Play the “What If?” game?
• What if you don’t like your classes, what will you do?
• What if your roommate is shady? What if his partner is shady?
• What if your roommate keeps drinking out of YOUR milk carton?
• What if you get the flu on the day of a midterm?
• What if your roommate plays music while you’re sleeping?
• What if you get written up by one of the RAs?
• What if you run out of money?
Play the “What If?” game?
• What if you don’t like your classes, what will you do?
• What if your roommate is shady? What if his partner is shady?
• What if your roommate keeps drinking out of YOUR milk carton?
• What if you get the flu on the day of a midterm?
• What if your roommate plays music while you’re sleeping?
• What if you get written up by one of the RAs?
• What if you run out of money?
• What if your roommate snores?
Student’s Conduct
Student’s Conduct
• Here are the most at risk behaviors for students:
Student’s Conduct
• Here are the most at risk behaviors for students:
• Alcohol/Drugs
Student’s Conduct
• Here are the most at risk behaviors for students:
• Alcohol/Drugs
• Aiding and Abetting
Student’s Conduct
• Here are the most at risk behaviors for students:
• Alcohol/Drugs
• Aiding and Abetting
• Interpersonal Responsibility
Student’s Conduct
• Here are the most at risk behaviors for students:
• Alcohol/Drugs
• Aiding and Abetting
• Interpersonal Responsibility
• Academic Integrity
So what happens?
So what happens?
• A student can meet with possibly three areas of conduct here at CSUSM
So what happens?
• A student can meet with possibly three areas of conduct here at CSUSM
• Police
So what happens?
• A student can meet with possibly three areas of conduct here at CSUSM
• Police
• Dean of Students
So what happens?
• A student can meet with possibly three areas of conduct here at CSUSM
• Police
• Dean of Students
• Resident Director (UVA)
What happens with the Dean?
What happens with the Dean?
• For academic honesty, faculty determines the grade for alleged academic misconduct assignment and/or the overall course
What happens with the Dean?
• For academic honesty, faculty determines the grade for alleged academic misconduct assignment and/or the overall course
• (The dean has seen more academic dishonesty cases than non-academic dishonesty cases in the last 3 years)
What happens at UVA?
What happens at UVA?
• We meet and go over what happened with the student; we hear his or her side of the story
What happens at UVA?
• We meet and go over what happened with the student; we hear his or her side of the story
• We conclude whether the student is responsible or not responsible
What happens at UVA?
• We meet and go over what happened with the student; we hear his or her side of the story
• We conclude whether the student is responsible or not responsible
• They complete educational sanctions appropriate to what occurred
Why do we do this?
Why do we do this?
• We are interested in the development of students; our interest is intervention, not confrontation
Why do we do this?
• We are interested in the development of students; our interest is intervention, not confrontation
• We are interested in the acceptance of responsibility, not “punishing a student”
Why do we do this?
• We are interested in the development of students; our interest is intervention, not confrontation
• We are interested in the acceptance of responsibility, not “punishing a student”
• We look at the community standards and civility
Why CSUSM is like ER.
A thing called FERPA
A thing called FERPA
• Family Education Rights and Privacy Act
A thing called FERPA
• Family Education Rights and Privacy Act
• Your student has a right of confidentiality when it comes to what occurs here.
A thing called FERPA
• Family Education Rights and Privacy Act
• Your student has a right of confidentiality when it comes to what occurs here.
• UVA will call for an emergency medical condition
Hel
icop
ter
Pare
nts
Hel
icop
ter
Pare
nts
• The term for a parent who is “hyper” involved is a called a “helicopter parent”
Hel
icop
ter
Pare
nts
• The term for a parent who is “hyper” involved is a called a “helicopter parent”
• Other terms: Blackhawk, hovercraft, etc.
Hel
icop
ter
Pare
nts
• The term for a parent who is “hyper” involved is a called a “helicopter parent”
• Other terms: Blackhawk, hovercraft, etc.
• Keith McRae, my dad, the first helicopter parent. I should have called him back.
MY DAD!!
You might be a helicopter parent if. . . . .
You might be a helicopter parent if. . . . .
• During registration, you attempted to “co-schedule” your student’s schedule.
You might be a helicopter parent if. . . . .
• During registration, you attempted to “co-schedule” your student’s schedule.
• You attempted to bribe an O-team member to find your student.
You might be a helicopter parent if. . . . .
• During registration, you attempted to “co-schedule” your student’s schedule.
• You attempted to bribe an O-team member to find your student.
• You are getting a chip implanted in your student that detects alcohol consumption.
You might be a helicopter parent if. . . . .
• During registration, you attempted to “co-schedule” your student’s schedule.
• You attempted to bribe an O-team member to find your student.
• You are getting a chip implanted in your student that detects alcohol consumption.
• If you student does not return your phone call within 20 minutes, you call UPD.
• If you use the royal “We”. . . financial aid. . . . registration.
• If you use the royal “We”. . . financial aid. . . . registration.
• You call an CSUSM office pretending to be your student. . . . we get it. We know, OK?
• If you use the royal “We”. . . financial aid. . . . registration.
• You call an CSUSM office pretending to be your student. . . . we get it. We know, OK?
• You plan on attending every academic advising appointment and you’ve already sent the advisor a friendly “bribe”: candy, a 4G iPhone. . .
The Big Change. . . .
• You may want your student to talk to you about the big things (dating, sex, beliefs, etc.)
The Big Change. . . .
• You may want your student to talk to you about the big things (dating, sex, beliefs, etc.)
• You may not need to talk to them about the small things: (laundry, roommate relations, grades.)
The Big Change. . . .
• You may want your student to talk to you about the big things (dating, sex, beliefs, etc.)
• You may not need to talk to them about the small things: (laundry, roommate relations, grades.)
• BUT THEY ARE ALL BIG. . . ..
The Big Change. . . .
• You may want your student to talk to you about the big things (dating, sex, beliefs, etc.)
• You may not need to talk to them about the small things: (laundry, roommate relations, grades.)
• BUT THEY ARE ALL BIG. . . ..
• For now. . .but you need to pick.
The Big Change. . . .
What is your student feeling about how YOU are feeling?
What is your student feeling about how YOU are feeling?
•How are you feeling?
What is your student feeling about how YOU are feeling?
•How are you feeling?
•Sadness: Am I not supposed to be here?
What is your student feeling about how YOU are feeling?
•How are you feeling?
•Sadness: Am I not supposed to be here?
•Frustration: Am I not trusted?
What is your student feeling about how YOU are feeling?
•How are you feeling?
•Sadness: Am I not supposed to be here?
•Frustration: Am I not trusted?
•Loneliness: Should I wait?
What is your student feeling about how YOU are feeling?
•How are you feeling?
•Sadness: Am I not supposed to be here?
•Frustration: Am I not trusted?
•Loneliness: Should I wait?
What should you show them?
What is your student feeling about how YOU are feeling?
•How are you feeling?
•Sadness: Am I not supposed to be here?
•Frustration: Am I not trusted?
•Loneliness: Should I wait?
What should you show them? You are proud.
What is your student feeling about how YOU are feeling?
•How are you feeling?
•Sadness: Am I not supposed to be here?
•Frustration: Am I not trusted?
•Loneliness: Should I wait?
What should you show them? You are proud.You are proud.And so are we.
Ryan McRae
Resident Director
SME Faculty