Today is your chance to make your essay sizzlesizzle

sizzle

We want to turn our heads when we see your

essay and ask,

“Who wrote that?”

First....You must have five paragraphs.

1.Introductory paragraph2.First body paragraph3.Second Body Paragraph4.Third Body Paragraph5.Conclusion

If you don’t....the first thing you must do is to organize

your paper into five paragraphs...

If you do have five paragraphs...you can make them better...much better.

Use your elaboration list and try many different methods. You’re using a computer. You can change things several times.

Now follow along through the rest of this PowerPoint and look carefully at the changes presented

Don’t go too slow though! You need a lot of class time to work on these elaboration steps.

Another reason I would like to be in cosmetology is because I think it would be fun to talk to people. I love talking to people. Although I don’t usually talk much in class, I love talking to friends in the hallway. As a cosmetologist, I could talk to customers while I work on their hair. It would be fun to do hair and talk.

Here’s the second body paragraph of a paragraph about the perfect career.

This is a standard five-sentence paragraph. It’s okay, but it doesn’t SIZZLE...

STEP ONE—Add Examples

Another reason I would like to be in cosmetology is because I think it would be fun to talk to people. For example, cosmetologists are able to complete most all of their work while talking with customers and coworkers. I love talking to people. Although I don’t usually talk much in class, I love talking to friends in the hallway. As a cosmetologist, I could talk to customers while I work on their hair. It would be fun to do hair and talk.

STEP TWO—Add Similes and Metaphors

Another reason I would like to be in cosmetology is because I think it would be fun to talk to people. For example, cosmetologists are able to complete most all of their work while chatting with customers and coworkers. With the talking, the hairdryers, and the phone ringing every few minutes, a hairdresser’s shop is as busy as a beehive. I love talking to people. Although I don’t usually talk much in class, I love talking to friends in the hallway. As a cosmetologist, I could talk to customers while I work on their hair. It would be fun to do hair and talk.

STEP THREE--Adjectives

STEP FOUR—Vivid Verbs

STEP FIVE—Quotes and Dialogue

STEP Six—Compare and Contrast (and a few more examples).

STEP Seven & Eight—Answer and Anecdotes

Add interesting ending sentence

Now Reread Your paragraph to be sure your topic sentence is still stating the main idea of the paragraph.

Chat

Chat

Chat

Chat

Before the topic was, “…I want to be a cosmetologist because it would be fun to talk with people.

Now…the topic is more specific.

Now…it is about how it would be great to be able to talk to people and make money doing it.

So….let’s change the topic sentence.

What would be better?

COSMETOLOGY WOULD BE A GREAT JOB FOR ME BECAUSE I COULD MAKE MONEY WHILE I TALK TO OTHERS.

I think I counted 14 sentences...

You have to admit, it was much more interesting than the first one...and it was well on it’s way to getting a six as part of a bigger essay.

Now it’s your turn...

• Skip your introduction. We’ll work on it Friday.

• Find your first body paragraph.• Go through your elaboration list step by

step...adding each element as you go.• If you have to make up an anecdote or

dialogue element, it’s okay.• When your first body paragraph has 10 or

more sentences, try the next one.

Don’t zip through it...If you do a good job...it should take you the rest of class or longer to fully elaborate your paragraphs.