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THE CALIFORNIA TECH P ASADENA CALIFORNIA FRIDAY M ARCH 1998

RAINED? WE ARE. THIS ISSUE 1 00% CONTENT FREE Adam Villani: Media Guy: Armegeddon, Part /I

With the Oscars coming up on Monday, the question is not whether Titanic will dominate the compet iti on, but by how much it will dominate the competition. Looking at the nominations individually, Ithink Titanic has a decent shot to win in each of its 14 nominated categories except Besi AClress (Kale Winslet). Even if lhere's a huge backlash agai nslthis gOO-pound gorilla of a movie, It 's still got Ed iti ng. Art Direction, Origi­nal Dramatic Score, Costume, Original Song, and Sound pretty much wrapped up and in the bag. While I think the 14 nominations represented the peak of its popu larity, I think we should expect to see represe ntatives of this very popular and technicai ly outstandi ng film take the podium about J 0 limes the evening of the 23rd.

Allalysis by Calegory Best Picture-l don 't think it 's likely, but I think lhere's a distinct possi­bil ity lhal underdog favorite Good Will HUll/illg will pullihe upset of the year and win the top honor of the year. Academy voters love sentimental favo rites, and some may feel that Titanic's box-office success is reward enough. Hunting is my favorit e of the nominated films, but on an open ballot I'd cast my vote for Lost Highway. Best Director-Jim Cameron is more secure here than his film is for Picture. Gus Van Sant's direct ion of Good Will Hunting didn 't really stand out, and a win by crit ical favorite Curtis Hanson (L.A. Confidelllial) would be trul y unexpected. Without question, my favorite nominee here is Atom Egoyan for The Sweet Hereafter, but my open vote would go to the in­comparable David Lynch for Lost Highway. BestActress- By all rights, lhis shou ld belong 10 Helena Bonham Carler for The Willgs of the Dove butlthink Ihis' ll go to Helen Hunl by a nose over Judi Dench. As Good As It Gets and its director James Brooks are popular, Hunt's perfonnance is charismatic and well- felt , and she's the onl y American nomi nated in the category. In my world. four-year:olO Victoire Thivi sol from POl/ette tics Bonham Carter and Virginie Le.doyen from Lajille selile (A Sillgle Girl). Best Actor-Thi s one's a tough call. Peter Fonda's the comeback kid

t .,p ...

here and Jack Nicholson has a 10 1 of friend s, but I would PUI my money on Robert Duvall forsinglehandedly carrying The Apostle. I liked Matt Damon, the unnom,inated AI Pac ino in Donnie Brasco,and the very unnominated Nicholas Hope Jof the hard-to-slOmach Australian satire Bad Boy Bubby. Besl Supporting Actor- Burt Reynolds has won every award under the sun for his Boogie Nights perfonnance, but I can't really see what was so special there. [ might place my money on a longshol chance of Robin Williams winni ng hi s fi rst Oscar here, though I wouldn 't be at all sur­prised to see Reynolds take it. Personally, J Ihought Roberl Forster found precisely the right groove for his charactcr in the otherwise tcdious Jackie Browil. Best Supportillg Actress- Thi s award could really go 10 any o f the nomi­nees, but I sure hope they don't give it to Gloria Stuart for Titanic. Sig­nificantly, the old-timer's sentimentality vote isn't as strong as it once was. I guess Kim Basinger may get the award to represen t the great en­semble cast of L.A. Confidential but the great Julianne Moore's chances aren' t too bad for Boogie Nights. My personal choice, Christina Ricci, was a victim of6'he Ice Storm 's nomination blank-out. Best Origillal.s'Ereellplay- Whil e il may be somelhing of a Hollywood· slyle ego piece, I think I'll agree with the Academy when they hand Ihis one to Matt Damon and Ben Afneck for Good Will Hull/illg. Bes/Adapted Screellplay-Iflhere werc any juslice in Hollywood, James Schamus' adaptation of The lee Storm would win hands down hcre-but

the Acadcmy failed to nominate it. You can safely put your money on L.A. COl/fidel/tial, but of the nominees I would cheer for Th e Sweet Hereafter and DOlil/ie Brasco. Cillematography- The sheer beauty of Martin Scorsesc's marvelous Kill/dun may beat out Titan ic here. Conn oisseurs should check out Maborosi for a movie expressed al most sole ly through its cinematogra­phy_ Ediling- Titanic wins, and is the best nominated. Errol Morris' docu­mentary Fast, Cheap. and Oul of COlllroi and Peter Greenaway's spec­tacu lar Th e Pillow Book were the true masterpieces of editing this year. Origillal Musical or Comedy Score- I} rcally don 't know; I've only seen two of lhese film s. Forced to guess, I'd say Hans Zimmer wins for As Good As It GelS. I think they mi ssed an opportunity to honor Waiting For Guffman here. Original Dramatic Score- Philip Glass' music for Kundwl is his best since Koyaanisqatsi and eas ily the bcst of the year, but don't expect him to beat Titanic. Origillal Song- Always the worst category, and as such we'll have Celine Dion belting out this year's winner "My Hearl Will Go On," from (of course) Titanic. I thought the songs in Wag the Dog were bitingly funny. A rt Direction-Ju st look al the sizc of the damn boal. I thought the de­signs for Gattaca were more stylish and those for Alien Resurrection and! The Fifth Elemellt more effective. Costumes-I can see why the Academy will go for lhe opulence of Ti· tallic, bUI I think Boogie .Nights really outdid itself usi ng costumes to create atmosphere. Makeu~l'd guess Men in Black wins, though I haven't seen it; what's so hard about maki ng all those Ooati ng bloated bodies in Titallic? Alien Resurrection, The Fifth Element, and Spawn excelled here, although Spawn was absolute crap. SOllnd- Th e Fifth Element and Contact were quite good in this regard, but I certainly won't protest when Titanic wins this one. Sound Eff ects Editing- See above. Visual Effects- For all ihe hype, the success of the effects in Titanic was more a case of gett ing their money's worth on the screen rather than much originality, and The Lost Worlds effects were obvious, recycled, and corny (How many times would lhey use that phony-Iookin' T·Rex head? And why weren' l any San Diego landmarks deslroyed?) Titanic s nol a bad choice, bUI [lhink I' d ralher see Starship Troopers lake home the stalu­elle, and I wish Th e Fifth Element had been nominated here. Foreign lAnguage Film, Documentary Short, A 1Iimated Short, Live Action Short, Documelltary Featllre- Who knows?

IN THIS ISSUE

T HE U SUAL

STUFF

M ints ................................... ....•.. 8 DILBERTt ............. _ ..................... 6 The Outside World ................... 3

THIS W EEK'S

F EATURES

Term in Review ....................... 3 Tech Minules .•. ..•.......••.. •••....... 2 More Media Guy .......•............. ..4

March 20, 1998

lnutes M ARCH II , 1998

Present (atsome point): BoD, Tom Elling

Meeting called to order at 22:39.

General Business New Office - Tom Mannion of­fered to give ASCIT the Inter­national Student Affairs Office when they move out. It is per­fect for our needs , howeve r, Lloyd is just itching to get their hands back on those rooms . It looks like we will have to go with our second choice - SAC 33. We may move as soon as spring break . Jasmine and Steve will get the details from Gina Armas.

The meeting moves to SAC 33 to give it a test run.

Capra - Autumn is gelling the details of the retreat from Kira n. It is asserted by Rob th at no work will be done at Capra af­ter sundown.

Logo - Jasmine and Autumn have designed a saucy new ASCIT logo. It may appear in the Tech sometime soon.

Business Cards - Do we need 'em? Should we get 'em? J as­mine - "We're a corporation. We need business cards." Jas­mine and Autumn offer to make an appropriate design.

Officer Reports Steve - Moore 070 has been re­served for the budget meeting on April 4. Funding request forms keep trickling in. The BoD wi ll be eating dinner in Fleming to­morrow.

Autumn - The copier is OK.

Jasmine - Is giving Dabney their interhouse cash for the

treat as she will be out east looking for a job and other less savory diversions.

Devi - The CLUE wi ll be out early next term. The li­braries will be open until 04:00 during finals. Stu­dents working late will need to have their ID with them.

Jaideep - The IHC will be se­lecting a Secretary and defining the athletic manager this week.

Rob - Is looking at ASCIT's tax status. In order 'to file as SOl C, ASCIT cann ot advocate any form of legislative change. He will talk to Tech's legal coun sel about what guidelines we should go by to maintain this statu s. At the beginning of the fi scal year, Rob will be changing ove r banks and in vestigating some corporate banking op tions . Clubs, last call to pick up your cash.

Mike - The ASCIT computer is now running NT Server and is named Optimus. We have gobs of letterh ead so start writing stuff. The embosser is still not in . In the amendment elect ion, only the Avery proposition was rejected. No legitimate protests are expected. There wi ll be an election for BoC chair on Mon­day.

Alex - The new BoC Rep. At Large will be appointed on Fri­day. Alex won 't be able to at­tend the Capra retreat. He has beller things to do .

Baldeep - Thinks we should tum the issue of the Coffeehouse turnover to a committee. There is general agreement. Ko hl thinks we should keep a log of speeches that ASCIT personnel g ive on the web page. Baldeep will be attend ing the Alumni As­sociation meetings on Friday and Saturday.

Meeting adjourned at 11 :30.

Respectfully submitted,

MINUTES

lnutes M ARCH 19, 1998

Present (at some point):The Editors minus Terry, Myfanwy Callahan,Daisy James, Wren M<L!!tgomery, Rob Saliba, Liz Verschell, Mie Westcoat, Yin Yuen

Present (via the phone): Terry's Mom, The Printer, Vanessa Sih, Adam Villani

(Thi s week, Erik S=Dr. Doolittle, Erik D=Roadkill .)

Minutes open: 16:52:23

Myfanwy drops by. Can't take her plans for converting the Cof­feehouse into a strip club home to her mother. Wonders how Dr. Doolittle spell s his name.

Shay reveals hi s master plan to open a hit agency up. Hi s first set of contracts are already on the table. In this case, it 's per­sona l.

Wren stops by briefly to give Katy a heart-w renchingl y felt apology about some biology thing. Wren claims her finals are "over." Wren has a ball mock ing the new ed itors.

Stew co ntemp lates B ifCh double. Stew's brain appears to be dripping . Emergency goo sucking device falls from cei l­ing. Stew realizes that the fi sh las t week rus ted ou t his iron stomach.

Wren and the Editors debate the Mannion plan of Pasadena conquest (MPPC). There' s a vote to make the decision to move this to committee unani­

mous. Passes, .3-2.

Mic enters, begging to he lp . He's strong, sil ent type . He reads Dilbert

nances are quickly glossed over, as the Editor s realize that we need cash. Dona­tions will be solicited. He reads the Dilbert and grape­vines out.

Roadkill walks in . The front page has unanimous ap­

proval. Begins writing a comer of sorts.

Katy steals minute power from Shannon .

Pornos stops in. Drops a few photos and leaves. '-.

Roadkill and Shay discuss Chem 41. Shannon wishes Terry was around . No need to get into depressing detai ls

Katy notes that the filter doesn't work. Shannon wonders about rewriting th e filt er program. Thi s jumpstarts a discussion be­t ween Shay and Shannon about programming languages.

The Editors try to decide what goes on the remaining pages, starting with the other Villani article. Shay remini sces aboul the reall y bad Villani heads we used to use in the Tech.

Liz shuffles in. She st ill has Bi 8 to do. She doubts our ability to get out 8 pages. Katy scoffs at her. She copy edits the min­utes as Katy writes them. What a gal!

Shay crashes. Unrecoverable error.

Liz steals minute power from Katy who has decided to do some real work. Liz promptly finds she has nOlhing to say. Liz wanders away dejectedly. Minute pow,: r reverts to Kaly.

Yin zips in and print s out a bunch of mailing labels. He is a pillar of efficiency.

Katy realizes no one has put the ads on the pasteboards. That would mean we're sc rewed. Vanessa is sought out. All at­tempts fail.

party this Friday. She will not Michael D. Astle be able to attend the Capra re- ASCIT Secretary Saliba en te rs. The Tech fi- Daisy sau nters in . She has a

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The California Tech -Bookworm on disk. We tum our backs, and suddenly she was gone.

Myfanwy jogs back in to see what's going on . She talks of "random whacko psychotic re­ligious spazzy hairsprayftooth_ paste" whi le we all discuss long hair. Also, ASCIT Excomm will be meeting too late for us to have a minute.

Vanessa phones, we have te paste ads. Suck.

Christoph trots in looking fOI business managers so he can gel more money. He also has 1

snazzy green crayon which he has dubbed "a jo lly green giant.' The rest is left to Freud. ACCUSe! Vanessa of embezzling Tech funds. Has racial problem. We suggest deoderant.

Katy can't find the clear roller. The world becomes a very dark place. She is too depressed (and (00 close to deadline) to Con­tinue minutes.

Minutes close: 21 :47:52 Death to the beyond.

THE CALIFORNIA TECH

Caltecn 40-58, Pasadena, CA 91125 editorial d(!sk: (626) 395-6153

advert ising desk: (626) 395-6154 editorial e-mail: edirors@rech.ca/rech.edu advertising e-mair: adv@tech.caltechedu

rSSN 0008-1 582

VOLUME XCIX , NUMBER 21 MARCH 20, 1998

[mots Shay Chinn

Erik Dill Kar y Issacs

Terry Moran Shann on Slewman

JuSINUS M ,f.)rU,IU.

Jim Glore

CorY r"rou An MANMU

Men:dith Alden Vanessa Sih

Jim Panetta Liz. Verse he ll StAlJ Wr.nru

Myranwy Callahan

O"IION$ ["rot Mohi Kumar

John Hatfield eo ... ies Editor

( filTrtfAIHt.4(fiIT (I'Irot: Kennelh Kuo

Ron Dollete fL41'\1U Wr.nru

u.,... Ron Dollelc

Wei-Hwa Huang Dai sy James

Autumn Looijen Jean-Paul Revel Adam VilhFi

[YUln" Hams Andrea McColl CoNIlIMOLI

Mike Astle CWtw,,,,, Judy Green

OUlsioph Bamac Roger O'Brient A ......

Rik WitJiams Hall Daily

"' .... Ad~cnilinl: 5 p.m. M"l>\by AtlJIoIMJnccmenlS ( Mitll'): "'KHI M" .... ay LcIlCrs III !he &Ii!" .. : .'i p.m. M,m<J;,y Unsulicilal Article!; n""n Mumby

Pufllilflaf weekly e.cepl L1uring vacation and enminalion pcri.,<h by the Assuci"tctl SI...ucnl.'l of tile Ca.lirumia lruliluu: o r TlXhllt.lugy. Inc. "The opinions e ~ prc.\SCd hcn:in arc striclly Ibose of the

l..cu.crs and :ultloun(:emen15 :lJ"e welcome.. All cuntri!>utiullli l lluukl inc luoJc the aulhnr·s nan1C ;and phnlle numhcr:all<llhc imcl'llcd dal<: nf puhlir;a­linn. Submil cupy (prcfcr.lbly lin Macint\ll\h J.'~ uisk) III Ihe Tu " m;ojlb<..~ {llJuKJc SAC filum 40. til" c-m~1 ~Jiton@t~c1r..CtJ/I~c". ~d ... 1be ediln.s resen-e tile right to roi l ~ ahritl~ all submis.sions for lil­eracy, exl'Clliency. !';te. All :tttides an: the prllperty uf \he auth"l"5. Aulh"r~ ~ clllurnnins rct;Iin aU in­Ielkclulll property ri(;h~. Article.! rccciw:J in IltIlVC r"rm:tl will be laugllcU at. hut if Joc<j1lC:li is in a ~,~'"

.... dvcnis;nl should he iuhmillCu as cilmcn· ready an. bUI the Tn-" t;ll1 lis .. w simple type5l:l·

\il1, and arrangement All adveni5ing in<juirleJ

ib""h! he L1ire<:tOO h. the i"!usi llC.'ls m;ll1lgcr. FtII" c;mail. plc;t.<,C USC,ul"@ltC".Ct</,,,",,.,JII. Dn ... !lscr.r ;",j ;n<luirie.~ In tbe edilnr~.

Fur suhscriptilln jnflJlJJl~li,m. pl.c.a:o;e send mail lo··Sul>sctif'li"ns··ur call (62f1) JYS-flIS4.

Prinl.OO by News-Type Servia:. GJenoJak.

The California Tech OTHER

Stories of Fun Police

March 13, 1998 5:00 p.m. Loud noise reported on Olive Walk at 5:00 p.m. Source is unknown. Witnesses reported smelling gunpowder but was not confirmed by other stu­dents in the area.

March 13, 1998 8:00 p.m. Suspicious person seen walk­ing around student houses. When the Fun Police (tm) ar­rived nothing was found.

March 13, 1998 8:05 p.m. God stops in for a visit. Shakes his head when he sees the stack offinals placed in front of him and says "Ouch." Was es­corted off of campus by the Fun Police. Apparently God did not have proper identifica­tion .

March 14, 1998 10:ooa.m. Large robot was seen III

Ricketts house. Investigation revealed a interesting spec­tacle. Needed to investigate for two hours. More investigation isin order.

March 14, 1998 l:OOp.m. Stockpile of so-called 'Dean 's Comers' is found. Area is se­cured for Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms assess­

ment.

March 14, 1998 10:00 p.m. Investigated noises from robot in Prexy, Ricketts house. Long term investigation initiated.

March 15, 1998 8:00a.m. Stopped mad genius from de­stroying the world on Tech property. Suspect was heard saying "like it matters" as he was escorted off campus.

Remember kids, when the bomb comes or any other di ­saster, natural or not, drop and cover! It is important to va­porize your arms first. Another helpful tip from the Fun Police.

March 15, 1998 9:00p.m. Responded to a call of disturb­ing noise from student houses interrupting the wedding mu­sic from the Athenaeum. What the hell is bagpipe music doing playing?!?

March 15, 1998 l1:00p.m. Robot has, after intense inves­tigation, been named "Pomos" .

March 16,1998 l1:00a.m. While eating donuts, suspi­cious character seen walking to UGCS.

March 16, 1998 2:00p.m. Wandered around the campus look­ing forward to visiting the robot.

Yearbooks were sent out TO DAY

from Texas .... they should arrive in the beginning of

next term

March 16, 1998 3:00pm Used executive power to "sanction" funny little man. Claimed he was a school offi­cial and kept saying "Viva La France," beat into submission.

Forced to correctly say "Chow-dar" instead of prissy French way.

March 16,1998 4:00p.m. Went to sleep on park bench until real police officer came. Note: sleeping across chairs is more comfortable.

March 16, 1998 8:00p.m. Revi sted the residents of Prexy to see if everything was ok. As the Fun Police , we live to serve.

March 17, 1998 9:00a.m. Destroyed everything which might link the Fun Police to "Pomos."

March 17,1998 8:00p.m. Revisted the residents of Prexy to see if everything was ok.

March 18, 1998 8:00p.m. Investigated "Porn os" as to its possible content problem.

March 19, 1998 8:00p.m. Ditto on investgation.

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NEW DELHI, INDIA - The new Hindu nationalist gov­ernment announced it rnay " induct nuclear weapons" into the military arsenal. This is the first time in India 's 50 years of in de pen­dence that the Hindu nation­ali st party has led the coun­try.

BELFAST, NORTHERN IRE­LAND - Police arrested three inmates of Maze Prison for beating and strangling a fel­low pro-British pri soner. They are members of the Loyali st Volunteer Force which has claimed respon­sibility for several recent killings and a bomb threat.

GENEVA, SWITZERLAND -Algier 's Foreign Minis ter Ahmed Attif asked the United Nations Human Rights Commission to help combat terrorism in his country, but would not al­low human rights experts to enter Algeria to evaluate the s ituatio n . Human right s groups est imate 80,000 peopl have died in the vio­lence since 1992.

JAKARTA, INDONESIA - Presi­dent Suharto promised to donate one year 's salary to a fund for the poor in an effort to counter charges of high-level corrup­tion. Thousands of students continue to demonstrate in the capital for democratic and economic re­forms.

ADET, THE SUDAN Two years of drought and

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JERUSALEM, ISRAEL - "r,~'"

Minister Benjami Netanyahu canceled a din Tuesday with the British eign Secretary because he met with Palestinians at site of a disputed Jew settlement. Foreign Robin Cook arrived in lsr,ae'l as a representative of the ropean Union and int.endedl the site visit to dem()m;tfllteJ Europe's opposition to Tp,,,;<lhl

expansion into OCCUpl lands.

Los ANGELES - A judge nullified almost all the re maining provisions California's Proposition 1 which denies illegal immi grants social services. ruling: the measure unconsti tutionally usurps Federal thority over immigrati

policy.

OUT AND PROUD

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4 March 20, 1998

The Ca t Who Tailed a Thief Lilian Jackson Braun

**

Time has not improved these books. This is the eighteenth in Braun's series about a man and hi s two ca ts and the mysteries they sol ve, and it is no better than the first.

The plot is weak, the characters are unbelcivable and the criminal might as well be go ing around with a shirt that says "Murderers Do It Again st the Law" . It is a mildly entertaining ride , light to the point of absur­dity.

There are good poi n ts in the stories tha t the main character is collecting for his book; historical aneccotes about the fic tional location. But everything is too sani ­tized and shallow, even in the "darkest" parts.

There isn't a lot of fun in readin g abo ut a va in wealthy man whom every­one adores as a hero; it lacks any semblence of the under­dog element which makes a charac te r s . mpath e ti c.

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Slavery Time When I Was Chillun Belinda Hurmence

*****

When it comes to study­ing history, there really is no subs titute for prim ary sources.

This is a compilation of so me of the memorie s of former slaves, recorded by unempl oyed writers during the depress ion as part of the Works Project Admini stra­tion (question: how do you tell if a write r is unem­ployed?)

The people represented in this book were chosen by various criteri a; that their stories were clear and coher­ent, that they had been old enough to remember th ings before emancipation (at least 10) and that they be from a variety of states.

Th ey a re, of course, memori es of o ld peop le. Even someone who was 10 inl 865 would be 81 in 1936. The past often seems beller than the present , especially when the present is the Great Depression and you art! a

FEATURES

member of a severely disad­vantaged minority. So some of the people interviewed re member s lav ery wilh more fondness than might be expected. Some speak of good masters, or the parties they had, or how it was bet­ter not to have to worry about anything because it was all taken care of, how­ever poorl y. But to many that means noth ing. The cru­elty, violence and indigni ­lies left too strong of a mark to be erased by time and fur­Iher hardships.

A powerful collec tion, though it 's less than a hun­dred pages long.

The Scholarship Advisor 1998 Chris Vuturo

****

A massive book with every poss ib le schola rship you could imagin e, and some that I couldn't (d id you know lhal you can major in turf mainlanence?). Looks like a really good way to try and ge t enough money to stay here. I'd suggest buying one with a fri end and sharing; twenty-three dollars is a lot fo r a one-use book.

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Adam Villani Media" Guy

, A Perfect Gallesh

..

After hitting hard with the abortion drama/n tJre'H,)u$,el Lord and letting it all hang out with v'c"m': ~]Jllre J..,esOiH

of SodOJ1l, my co-worker Dave Barton's Rude U UC[_I

Theater Company switches gears again with thought-provoking magical real ism of A Perfect (jane;,h:1

Written by Terrenc McNaUy of Love! Valor! Ipalss lon! fame A Perfect Gallesh is a conceptually <1"'rm,.1

Iw,)r ic in which two rich white women from Con'ne.:hc:utl travel to India in search of an elusive spiritual 'Ul l Ulr '

ment, encountering the elephant-headed god Ganesha many different guises along the,way. ·The travel"serves

backdrop and catalyst for pe~sonar ' .....

gay-bashillg;,racism; diseast pOI~nl.UI1lic~lt,!qJ

Rude .Guerrilla 's lgw-budget · p rOduct~9n ¢!lkes, ,wclIiH IU~">U' use of a few Spartan ~r~"'"" ;

beautiful Gem Theatre tp , a wicle.)(ari1ery' Qf ings; and Susan Shearer/Stewart is 'a standoul:' iilnong/;il

four-pers-o~ cast,' which doe~ it wonderfuJjobU1""-lllllll rich material (though <;ianesha coLild -have'used

gusto). While not 100% 5uccessfuJ; this play that actually makes a trip to Garden (if(we

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MedII Street~:

Last week rciught a brand-new print Scorsese piCture at the Nuart, and man, I IQv'ea

" ",OW'" .- '.' ., I. ji'

you could have watched this earJy effort,of it would have been 9bvious you haCia rr,.'~ii,r ·t"l

on your hands. Tllis:mov!e is on fue.A very VOllllll[-lIOOI'" Harvey Ke,itel playsCha,:.lie, a IO~Hevel

Im",n'< to go straight, but can ' t sever bls ti¢s and reSP9flSH bilities to his epilepticgififriend and J~se ~ilnribn hood pal Johnpy Boy (an amazingRoQertD~ Niro). movie has,a loose, raw fe~1 to it, but stilJ j'r ltf(j', IUGed.mllch of the film world to the tracking ~hots , .a'· l!I:lhenti~;il.)'pj:, se t~1 ting, drariltic sense, and keen eye"for humaninteralctioill that make Martin Scorsese one of the greatest dir~ct9rs his generation. You can catch this movie on video, . , . . recommend seeking out its theatrical plaYdates.

California Tech MEMORIES

While you were trolling ... mhering events from th is term

... Editorial team.f7akes­new regime takes control ...

March 20, 1998 5

GOOD LUCK WITH FINALS,

HAVE A GREAT BREAK, AND

SEE YOU NEXT TERM!

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6 March 20, 1998 COMICS The California Tech

DILBERT ® by Scott Adams

I JUST IIEAD THA, THE

AVERAGE WOMAN IS PAW 15 CENTS FOR E"ERY DOLLAR THAT I'IEN MAKE. ! IT'5 ANfUTRAGE! i

THIS ARTICLE SAYS MEN ME PAID "5~ MORE Tl4AN WOM~. HOW DO YOU E,,-PLAIN TH AT?

ALIC E. ONE DAY I HOPE WE C"N BE :ruOGEO e,y OUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS AND NOT OUR GENDER.

l

r'r'I THE ~IGHEST PAID ENGINEER IN THE COMPANY.

"CTUALLY, IT SAyS WOI'IEN I'I"KE 75<1-FOR EVERY DOllAR

THAT I"IEN "''''KE. THAT'S ~ MOI'.( FOR MEN .

~

I GOT KY FOURTE ENTh

P"TEN, TOO"Y. 1' /,\ ON "'~ WAY TO "­LUNCH BANQUET IN 1'1'1' HONOR .

\.

i Tl-II\T'5 tf"\P055IeLE. T~E. Afl..TICl[ SAYS '\AVERAG£

WOMEN" E"-RN LESS.

I SUPPOSE THERE 'S

"lM05T NO CH"NCE YOU 'Ll PRAISE ME

FOR MY I'IATf.\ SKILL5 RIGHT NOW .

~ __ ~-L-L __ ~ ~~==~==~~ OUR USEI>. "'ANUAL HAS A TYPO . OUR TECHNICAL

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t'LL NEED A LETTER OF 8 .. fOR A "'AN OF illS AND 1"I1EN HE S"YS IIEFERENCE TO APPLY ~ HYGIENE , liE OOESN'T ~ YOU'RE PRONE TO FO" A ;rOB IN ANOTHER Eo STEAL AS MuCH AS 1 ANGER AND DENIAL. DIVISION . YOU ' O TIIINI<-. I IS TH"T TIIUE 7

C ~

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MY BOSS IS PREVENTING ,

I

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LIS1[N , EILEEN. GIllEN MY REPvTATION FOQ HATING GIRlS, I ~S HoPING To kEEP NEWS TWIT I lIlCf lOJ SoRT of 01)11: LITTlE SEeifT.

rASoN, I WISH YOU'O SToP AcTIN(;.

So WEIRD .'

[1000,, _ _ _

I GIVE ANY : THou6HT To

\

o WHAT WE TAU<£D ABooT ?

\

'\'aU ~RE

RI6HT, EILEEN.

SAY, ISN"T lW"T 1'0011: PAL MAACuS A M£"Rt: 300 Y-'Rf)S AWAY Wfrn HIS NoSE ~EO IN SoME BooK?

IT'S oBVIOUS ll-IE RooT of ALL ouR PRoBLEMS IS MY o8SESSION WIll-! kEEP,N" 1'1-115 TH ING SEcRET, THE bNL'T' Soll' .<oN IS To J uST GfM MY h(Tl; TAKE THE PlvNGE, ANI) ACiM,r To ~E WoRLD TrI .... r I lu<E 'ou.

AMA' IT IS HIM.' DorH LET HIM SEE uS To6ETliEF(!

HIDE! HIDE! HIDE! \

IS YouR LuoN(:r ME ~T So EMSARASS­INGo To '1'ou Tl1AT IT 'S woRll-i CRlPPlIN6 ouR A119l~I P J"vST To kEEP IT SEtRET??

I

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lou'RE To SHOUT IT SoRE? 1l4E

"I LIICt

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Caltech /D. Pasadena, eA 9 11 07

'TtlAT 'WOUlO.n

"'''-N ScH~

HAS WA,Y

""'MANY ~lCI(tR BUSHES.

BE APRil fOot:s DANG. I t>A'( BY ~ CAtn CHANCE, lov WouLO IT?

\

v When you get right down to

really resembles a forest. ng foliage blots out the

in a n e ndl ess ca nopy of Movin g here and the re,

di scover vegetation in end-variety covering the bare

Each plant strains upward sun , reaching for life and

Creatures roam d performing the great of evolution , though in a

Illmc>re civ ili zed fashion than They eat , sending

of reconstituted sunlight their syste ms, red uc ing

oxidizing, building up in spite of themlodynamics. respire and expire , mark­

out the beat o f an ageless, I"rle~;s metronome. And all is

in our little forest. Until

IM",olne cuts the grass, that is . with the unnatural

ion of grass cutlin g, we consider the very e xistence

li ttle forest itse lf. Two III~re'llyears ago , thi s land was

more than du st sewn to­at the seams with a bit of

Dill's Growing the grass

by Erik Dill

scrub. Now, we have a wedding cake audi­

torium, a phallic library, and seas of green that are perhaps even more unusual. In crossing a con­tinent to bui ld a new li fe, we seem to have brought the bricks with us. However, verdant fields of green look as out of place in a de sert as the ivy-bes ieged brick battlements of Harvard Yard would look in ou r semi­Mediterranean stronghold. Per­haps we are sti ll import in g bricks, as the water which makes our finely man icured , th oug h rather bland , gree n canvases poss ible is far from nati ve. For that matte r, many of the paint­e rs themsel yes are recen t i ITI­

ports, trying to he w a new life out of nature as many pioneers be fore them did .

Grass is grass, pe rhaps, but it seems an inordinate amount of energy goes into keepin g it from drying up a nd withering into oblivion. End less gadgets and machine s of all desc ri pti o ns, more or less useful , have bee n concei ved sole ly for rai sing, and so met imes res urrec tin g thi s

RANDOM

Corner

rather fragile pa-tient. Not onl y that , but

millions of tons of chemicals are produced each year to perform vari ous lawn -prim pi ng func ­ti ons. The fact that some of these products are also used by te rrori sts to blow up bui ldings and kill people seems to escape turfmani acs. Perhaps this chemi­cal obsession in the growers of grass is a crossover from the consumers of grass . Not only do we seek foreign landscaping, but we pursue furthe r alienation fro m nature by making th ese plots into mortuaries for all that threate n, however remotely, the survival of our patient.

Horticulture is not brain sur­gery. It is not preci se or we ll de fin ed, and certainly not ste r­ile. Undoubtedl y, some of us probably yearn for a c lean room for our lawns . A perfect, en ­closed en vironment whe re each tender blade can receive the per­fect amount of light, water and nutrients, and be she ltered from the harsh realities of slu gs, fun ­gus, and the heavy tread of a jaunt from the pave ment. For­tun ate ly for the rest of us, the world is not quite so borin g. It wou ld be a shame if the world was a huge sod farm , sl ug frce

and li berally spa rkled wi th "Keep Off Grass" signs.

Is thi s preoccupati on wi th s teril e perfection limited to grass, or is it symptomatic of a broader, more strung out socia l dysfunction ? People tend to mow the ir mental lawns far too muc h. Rathe r than leave the m in a free, natural state, they con­tort the m into gross, torture ab­errations. Especially in the warp 9 world of LA, there is peril­o us ly littl e roo m to fit a life amo n g day plann e rs, ce ll pho nes, d igital assis tants, fax machines, microwaves, TV din­ners, and leaner, meaner com­pute rs. A m icroprocessor may be able to make 330 MHz on a good day, but humans are far more amicable at about a hertz or less . Whi le technol ogy ad­vances, e volution keeps us on a fairly steady course . It still takes a lazy afternoon to have a pic­n ie, and a fe w years prior to mak e w o rth w hile win e and c heese for the event. The clouds will still fl oat by, the ant s will st ill car ry awa y your fall e n crumbs in a wandering, mean­de ring path back to their colony, and you will still ge t a burn that will leave you peeling for days if you are lulled to s leep in the sun. Life works through kite fly­in g a nd f in ge r painting , not thro ug h neuro ti c hu sbandry. Cu uin g your lawn with scissors and a ru le r w ill wrec k yo ur

March 20, 1998 7 knees, pushing a lawn mower w ill wrench YOl\r back, and riding around on · one of those " lawn tractors" w ill contribute to the ai r pollution that will eventual cause you to die when you contract pneumonia and slowly drown as your lungs fill with fluid . Let your lawn be a little w ild , let your soul be free. It is just as unnatural , and detri­mental , to place yourself in a vacuum of joy as it is to put grass in the desert .

The b linding pace of the world becomes horribly appar­ent finals week. In the midst of thi s frenzy of abuse, sometimes it ' s easy to forget the reasons why we were drawn to Tech , mecca of a ll things tec hnical. Too often, we are drawn into the e ndless drudgery, proceedi ng without pleasure , numb to the pain . The weeks can drag on for an eternity, until you look back and see s ix months of your life disappear. However, sometimes the li ght breaks in like the sun coming over the mountains and floodi ng your room at the e nd of a seventy hour study session. The knowledge fl ows like fail ­ing rain , bringing peace and se­re nity known onl y in the sil ent beauty of our untouched forest, growing free.

Vale !

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8 March 20, 1998

Announcements

The Caltech Ballroom Dance Club will be offering two new dance classes, starting on March 31 sL Lindy Hop. a fast· paced varian t of Swing and Charleston. will be taught by a profes­sional instructor. It will be in Dabney Havse' s lounge on Thursdays from 7:30-9 p.m. The cost will be$25 if the senes is 5 weeks long. or $20 for a 4 week series. For undergrads, the cost is $15 and S12, respectively. The free beginner 's class will be Merengue, starting April 2nd and running for five Tuesday evenings, from 7:30-9p.m. in Dabney Lounge (NOT Oabney Hayse), The classes do not require a partner or prior experience. Refreshments and practice dance time follow each lesson. For more information, visit lilll':// www.ca.rcch.edul-ba!!room

The Prefrosh are coming! The Prefrosh are coming! Prefrosh Week­end 1998 will be held from April 16-19,1998. If you have comments orsug­gestions for Prefrosh Weekend, or your club or organization would like to be involved with Prefrosh Weekend activi­ties, please contact Dina Figueroa at dina@admissiolls.

Beginning Monday, January 5th, free anonymous H IV testing , using an o ral HIV antibody tcst , will be available each Monday evening from 6:30-9:30 p.m. at the AIDS Service Center, 1030 S. Arroyo Parkway in Pasadena. Per­sons wish ing to be tested may make an appointment by calling (888)488-9242. Walk-ins will also be accepted. Both prc- and pos t-test counseling will be provided. and results will be given the following Monday.

The Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual Discus­sion Group Looking for a safe and sup­portive place to discuss issues such as coming out, being out, dealing with family, coping with a homophobic cul­ture , and being GLB at Callech? We invite you to the Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual Discussion group, which meets on the first and third Tuesdays of each month from 7:30 p.m. until 10 p.m. in the Health Center lounge. This is a confi­dential meeting and docs not imply any­thing about a person 's sexual orient,l­tion - only that slhe is willing to be sup­portive in this seuing. The group usu­ally discusses a particular relevant topic and then moves on 10 the general dis­cussion. Refreshments will be served. If you would like more information, please call x8331.

Events

* Creation Entertainment presents Grand Slam VI. a Star Trek and Babylon 5 convention, at the Pnsadena Center on April 3-5. Guests scheduled to appear include William Shatner, Avery Brooks. Patrick Stewart. and Kate Mulgrew. The convention will also feature a full range of program­ming including previews of sci-fi tele­vision programs and motion pictures. A dealers emporium will feature sci -fi collectibles. Advanced tickets pur­chased from licketmaster are $26 Fri­day. $31 Saturday. and $36 Sunday. Tickets purchased a[ the door arc $5 morc. For furt her information , ca ll (818)409-0960.

( *Thc AmlChair Adventures travel film Scotland and the Scottish Isles will be narrated by travcllecturcrs Joe and Mary Liz Adair on April 3rd. at 8 p.m. in Beckman Auditorium. TIckets to this film arc priced at $9 and $7.

* The C hinese Golden Dragon Ac­robats will perform on April 4th at 8 p.m. in Beckman Auditorium. Award­winning acrobatics arc combined with colorful costumes, dramatic dance, and music. Tickets to this performance arc priced at $29. $26. and $23; youths 12 years and under recei vc $4 off. Stu­dent and senior rush tickets will go on sale for $\0, beginning one-half hour before the performance (subject to availability).

The Distinguished Speaker Series of Southern California is moving into its second season. The events will be held at the Pasadena Ci vic Auditorium on five remaining dates. a[ 8 p.m .. Jean­Michael Cousteau will be speaking on April 8th. Maya Angelou on May 13th and Mark Victor Hansen on June 10th. For more information, contact (800) 508-9301.

For mosl Caflech even IS /isled,Jllrther informalioll can be obtained by call­ing 395-4652 or (888) 2-CALTECH. or throllgh the Calteeh website, http:// www.cal tech.edu.

Fellowships and

Scholarships

Distant Lands. a loca l travel bookstore. sponsors free bud get travel work­shops. For more information, or to re­serve a spot, call 449-3220. FAR

The National Institutes of Health 's Undergraduate Scholarship Program (UGSP) is pleased to announce the availability of up to 15 compet itive scholarships to support to p undergradu­ate students who are committed to pur­sue careers in biomedical research. Awards arc up to $20,000 per year. To qualify. a student must be a U.S. citi­zen, national o r permanent resident, be enrolled in or accepted by an accred­ited undergraduate institution, and carry a GPA of 3.5 or beller or be in the top 5% of his/her class. In addition, the applicant must dcmonstrate extreme economic need or come from a disad­vantaged background. For each year of scholarship, the student will fulfill a IO-week summer research/menlOring program and after graduation, fulfill one year of full-time employment. both at NIH in Bethesda, Maryland. UFA

Working or studying in New York City this summer? Educational Housing is a non-profit group that helps students locate safe, reasonab ly priced New York housing. For more info, vis it www.stlidelltllOlisillg.org FAR

Work in Britain this summer or nexl fall: The British Universities North America Club (BUNAC) offers a spe­cial student work permit for $225, valid

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Mints * denotes a new announcement.

for 6 months , allowing U.S. citizens who are at least 18 years of age to le~ gaily work in Britain at any time of the year. Jobs can be prearranged. or stu­dents can just go to Britain and find jobs (most students find work within a week of arrival). BUNAC's program also provides participants with a helpful manual and ajob hunting center in Lon­don. BUNAC can also prearrange your first 3 nights of lodging in London. Applications and further information arc availab le in Fellowships Advising. Visit BUNAC's Work in Britain si te at hup://wuw.BUNAC.org. FAR

Pa ul and Daisy Soros Fellowships ror New Americans are offering ten fel­lowships for graduate study in profes· sional fields and the academic disci­plines anywhere in the United States. "New Americans" include green card holders, naturalized citizens, and chil­dren of parents who were both natural· ized ci tizens. Each fellowship will be for up to two years, with the possibility of a third year. Applicants must be be­tween the ages of 20 and 28. The awards will be $20,000 annually for maintenance and half tuition. The dead­line is March 30, 1998. Applications are available at the Office of Interna­tional Student Programs (lSP). Lloyd House.

The John Gyles Education Fund of­fers financial assistance to full-time sru­dents in Canada and the United States. Full Canadian or American citizenShip is required. Awards are avai lable for all areas of post-secondary study. A minimum 2.7 GPA is required . Crite­rin other than academic ability and fi­nnncial need are considered in the se­lecti on process. Selected students will receive up to $3,000. To receive an application, please send a stamped, self­addressed, standard letter size (No. 10) envelope to: The John Gyles Education Fund, Attention: R. James Cougle, Ad­ministrator. P.O. Box 4808, 712 River­side Drive, Frederic ton, New Brunswick, Canada E3B5G4. Filing dates for mailing application's in 1998 are April 1st, June 1st, and November 15th. UFA

The Na tiona l Associa tion of Water Companies (NAWC) is soliciting ap­plications for three scholarsh ips to be awarded for the 1998 academic year. Scholarships range from $5,000 to $10,000. In addition, a $500 award will be made to the winners' colleges/uni­versities. Students must be graduJting seniors or current graduate students in Masters Degree programs. Eligible stu­dents must be U.S. citizens and be pur­suing or planning to pursue a degree in engineering, biology, chemistry, busi­ness administration, or any other field which may lead to a career in the in­vestor-owned public water supply bus i­ness. Applications arc available in the Financial Aid Officc. Appli cations must be postmarked by April 1, 1998.

UFA

The Literature Faculty is pleased to an­nounce the 52nd Annual M cKinney Competition for excellence in writ­ing. Prizes will be given in three cat -

THE CALIFORNIATECH Cal tech 40-58

Pasadena, CA 91125

) egories: poctry. prose fi ction. and non­fiction essays. All submissions must be typed and double-spaced , with ad­dress and phone number included. The prizes arc $300. Contestants should submit their wo rk to Professor Jenijoy LaBelle. 10 \-40 by no Inter than April 3, 1998. Winners will be announced in May, and the names or the winners will appear in the commencement program. If you have any questions. contact Pro­fessor LaBelle al x3605 or Barbara Estrada. x3609.

The Judicial Adminislralion Fe llow­shi p offers work in administrative or executivc offices of California appel­late or trial courls. There is no preferred major. Applicants must have received their B.S. by August 1997. Fellows earn a monthly stipend of$1707 fo r the II months of the program. The appli­cation deadline is April3. 1998. Please note that California also offers similar programs in its Assembly and other state administratiVe/policy areas. FAR

The AmericanAssociation of Univer­sity ' Vomen will be awarding scholar­ships ($500-$ 1000) to sophomore and junior female college students who will have junior or senior standing as of Sep­tembcr 1998 and have lived in the San Ramon Valley, or have attended high school there. Applicants will be evalu­ated on the basis of scholarship. ac hievement, educational goals, finan­cial nccd. and campus or communi ty involvcmenl. For more information and an application package, please send your request with a $.64 stamped, self­add ressed large envelope (9"x 12") to: Mary Ann Osborne, 2530 Roundhill Drive, Alamo, CA 94507. Applications must be postmarked by Apri l 6, 1998

UFA

The Coal ition of Higher Education Assistance Organizations (COHEAO) is pleased to present the opportunity for six individual scholar­ships for the 1998-99 academic year. There will be three (3) $1 ,000 scholar­ships, and three (3) $500 scholarship awards granted. Applicants must: I) complete and return the 1998 COHEAO Scholarship application, 2) be attending, or plan to enroll as an undergraduate ur graduate student in a CO HEAO member institution, 3) In­clude a 300-wo rd essay on "The COHEAO SCholarship will help me ... " , 4) Include Iwo academic reference let­ters and an original Iranscripl(S), and 5) mcet the app li cation deadline. Ap­plications are available at www.coheao.eom, or at the Financial Aid Office. Applications must be re­ceived by COHEAO no later than April 15. 1998. UFA

The Asian PacificAmerican Associa · ti on for Ad,'ancement, Inc. (4A) has launched its second annual 4A San Francisco Bay Area Scholarship Pro­gram. Three $1.000 scholarships wi ll be awarded. All AsianIPacific students enro lled in a full-time undergraduate or graduate college or university in the United States areeligibleto apply. Can ­didates mllst be U.S. citizens or have permanen t resiJent status in the U.S. and have the San Francisco Bay Area

The California Tech -as their permanent home address. AT&T, Lucent Technologies, and NCR employees and their children are ineli. gible to participate. Prior award recipi_ ents are also not eligible. Candidates will be evaluated based on their scho­lastic discipline, personal achievement and communi ty involvement. Applica~ lions are available in the Financial Aid Office. Applications must be receiVed on o r before April 15.1998. UFA

A travel grant equal to the cost of a round-trip ticket between the U.S. and ' Sweden is avai lable to women students who are 18 or older and U.S. citizens who wish to do study or research in Sweden. There is an April 15, 1998 deadline. FAR

Scholarship applications for 1998-99 are now availal1le through [he Jewisla Vocational Service (JVS) and the Jewish Community Foundation. The funds are intended to provide a limited amount of financial aid fo r needy col­lege students who arc legal and perma­nent residents of Los Angeles County. Scholarships are not available to col­lege freshmen. A minimum 2.5 GPAis requ ired. Appl icat ions can be obtained until March 1,1998 fro m : Jewish V0-cational Service, 5700 Wilshire Blvd., 2nd Floor, Los Angeles. CA 90036. Deadline for submission of completed appl ications is April 15, 1998.

The American E lect roplaters ad Surrace Finishers Society is offering scholarships 10 undergraduate juniors and seniors and graduate students who are interested in ca reers in the electro­plating and su rface finishing industry. Undergraduates must be full-time and must be:; majoring in metallurgy, metal­lurgical engineering, materials science or engineering, chemistry, chemical en­gineering, or environmental engineer. ing. Applicat ions must be submiued by April 15.1998. UFA

The Jewish Family and Childna', Services offers financial support for Jewish indi viduals and thei r famil ies. Individuals may apply for up to$5.0(~)'

Special scholarShips are available for study in Israel. Eligible srudents must have financial need, have at least a 3.0 GPA., and be residents of San Fran­cisco, the Peninsu la, Marin or Sonoma counties, or the Bay Area. There are no deadlines-applications are ac­cepled throughout the year and are available in the Financial Aid Office.

UFA

For information on lite listed fellow­ships, assislallce wilh essays, or clari­fication of questions, contact:

FAR· The Fellowships Advising and Resources Office. For information , please contact lauren_stolper@starbascl.caJ tech.edLL To make an appointment, caJ/ x2 /50.

UFA - The Undergradurlle Financi/J/ Aid Office. For ill formation, call x6280, or stop hy 5 I 5 S. Wilson for an appointment.

To submit an event for lite MinIS, con­tact mints@tech.caltech.edu or Mail Code 040-058 by noon on the Monday prior to its inclusion. Submissions musl

be brief and concise, alld lite editon reserve the right to edil and abridge aU materia/.