p e ci a l a a di a c enewsletter - jellinek: sexual … · principal of jellinek law, a per-sonal...
TRANSCRIPT
We are committed to preventing healing and eliminating all forms of sexual victimization of boys and men through support treatment research education advocacy and activism
S imona Jellinek is the founder and principal of Jellinek Law a per-sonal injury firm in Toronto Can-
ada that gives special emphasis to rep-resenting Canadian survivors of child-hood sexual abuse and adult sexual as-sault in civil suits Simona is a graduate of the University of Toronto and To-rontorsquos prestigious Osgoode Hall Law School of York University She was ad-
mitted to the bar in 1996 and first represented a victim of sex-ual assault in 1998 She has quickly risen to prominence in the field of per-sonal injury law and serves on the board of directors of the Ontario Trial
Lawyers Association This interview was conducted by Richard Cleverly on be-half of MaleSurvivor and has been ed-ited for length and clarity
MaleSurvivor Simona welcome to the MaleSurvivor interview
Simona Jellinek Thank you very much for interviewing me I hope that wersquore able to shed some light on the law in Canada and how we can help survivors in Canada
The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek
MS Yoursquove said that on the first day of law school the Dean of Osgoode Hall addressed the incoming class and said that Osgoode was a school of law and not a school of justice Would it be fair to say that this remark still echoes in your ears as you seek justice for sur-vivors of childhood sexual abuse sexual assault and other forms of personal injury
SJ It echoes very loudly Itrsquos one of the things that I think about on at least a weekly basis mdash how to actually get some justice for my clients as opposed
to simply monetary compensation At the end of the day most of these cases really arenrsquot about money Within the first hour of meeting with me nearly all
(Continued on page 41)
REFLECTIONS FROM CANADA 8
A DEARTH OF SERVICES 10
MY JOURNEY TO MS 12
MY WEEKEND OF RECOVERY 14
THE CIRCLE OF COMPASSION 18
THIS BOYrsquoS LIFE 19
MY STORY 22
A VICTIM NO MORE 24
MALE SURVIVOR GROUPS 27
THE CCAA 28
INSIDE 31
A HISTORY OF MS SERVICES 34
ABUSER IS RELIGIOUS LEADER 37
Features
February 2009
eN EW S L E T T E R
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY 2
EVENT CALENDAR 3
JUST A THOUGHT 5
EDITORIAL 6
Departments
Vol 2 No 2
THE MISSION OF THE MALESURVIVOR NEWSLETTER is to provide useful information to promote health discussion and connections for male survivors of sexual abuse and those who support us
Simona Jellinek
Special
Canadian
Issue
ldquoThis Has to Stoprdquo a bronzed quilt square by a 9 year old survivor a part of the Child
Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 2
Weekends of Recovery
Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS
Weekends of Recovery Eh
By Howard Fradkin PhD
Chairperson Weekends of Recovery
T his past November MaleSur-vivor was thrilled to return to Canada for our second Cana-
dian Weekend of Recovery and we received an incredibly warm wel-come It was truly an international weekend with 14 participants from Canada one from Great Britain and two from the US Hearing all those
accents was fun (including learning the proper way to put ldquoehrdquo at the end of a sentence) but more than that it was thrilling to witness and facilitate
and participate in the amazing healing work men at the weekend did in supporting one another The weekend could only have been possible with the help of several Canadian organizations including the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness The Dioceses of Lon-don and especially the help of Tom Wilken and the Silence to Hope Project and especially the help of Lynne MacDonell Hildie Jacyk our other Canadian facilitator was also a huge help in getting the word out and assisting us with the many logistics of the weekend Daniel
and Eric from Windsor offered tre-mendous support to the men in their group assisting them in par-ticipating fully in the weekend as well Mysthaven Retreat Centre provided us ample space and a beautiful setting in which to do this important work
For the facilitator team this was a trial weekend with regard to returning to Can-ada as wersquove had trouble in the past attracting Canadian men to the weekends The overwhelming success of the week-end assures us that Canada will be a regular stop on the MaleSurvivor WOR agenda This success has been bolstered by the addition to the team of Rob Hawkings (see accompanying article by Rob on page 12) who we are thrilled to welcome as well Rob who hails from Deep River Ontario brings many years of experience as a counselor and psychotherapist He has trained many therapists throughout Canada in working with male survivors in individual and group psychotherapy He has spe-cialties in trauma resolution and addictions including sexual addic-tions and he also has worked ex-tensively in programme develop-ment
The team is in the final stage of deciding when and where the next Canadian weekend will be and we
hope to announce this within the next month on the website So stay tuned
I hope that the courage of each man who attends a Weekend of Recovery will inspire those of you
who have not yet given yourself the gift of a weekend experi-ence Our team learns from every single manrsquos experience at the weekends we are profoundly touched by the absolute de-termination we see in the faces of each man who refuses to be taken down by the abuse he suffered We celebrate the amazing changes we witness even in the short
span of the 51 hours we spend to-gether
The Canadian weekend again re-minded us of the most important aspects of each weekend
Being in a group with no judg-ments
Being in a group where every manrsquos voice is valued and every manrsquos needs are given the re-spect each man deserves
Being in a group where inti-macy is not just discussed it is experienced and embraced
Being in a collective space where it really is possible to
(Continued on page 7)
Howard Fradkin
ldquoI hope that the courage
of each man who
attends a Weekend of
Recovery will inspire
those of you who have
not yet given yourself
the gift of a weekend
experienceldquo
February 2009
Page 3
Event Calendar
Weekends of Recovery
Date Type Place
March 27-29 2009 Level 1 Sequoia Retreat Center Ben Lomond California
May 15-17 2009 Level 1 Center for New Beginnings Dahlonega Georgia (1 hour north of Atlanta)
September 11-13 2009 Advanced
Alta Lodge Alta Utah (outside of Salt Lake City Utah)
The Advanced Weekend is only open to men who have participated in at least one Level One MaleSurvivor Weekend of Recovery
October 23-25 2009 Level 1 Hope Springs Institute Peebles Ohio (SE Ohio fly into ColumbusCincinnati or Dayton)
Conferences and Workshops
Date Place Description
Workshop 1
April 23 2009 7pm
Plymouth Congre-gational Church 232 E Onodaga
Syracuse NY
An Evening with Mike Lew MEd A free community event no pre-registration required
Interpreter service provided by Fair Access for the Deaf
Workshop 3
April 25 2009 800am - 400pm
Plymouth Congre-gational Church 232 E Onodaga
Syracuse NY
A Full-Day Workshop with Mike Lew For adult non-offending survivors of sexual abuse
Cost $20 (includes lunch) Pre-registration requested No one will be turned away due to inability to pay
Event Calendar Continues on Page 4
Men Hurt Too Healing from Sexual Abuse A 3-day event for survivors friends family allies partners professionals and those who care
3 workshops are available Register at Vera House
Workshop 2
April 24 2009 830am - 1200pm
Tucker Missionary Baptist Church 515 Oakwood Syracuse NY
A Half-Day Workshop with Mike Lew For professionals practitioners and interested others
Cost $20 Pre-registration requested No one will be turned away due to inability to pay
Vol 2 No 2
Page 4
Event Calendar (continued)
Conferences and Workshops
Date Place Description
May 1-3 2009
Center for New Beginnings
129 Center Point Dr Dahlonega GA
Possibilities in the HomestretchmdashAn Experiential Weekend for women survivors of sexual abuse who are beginning to thrive and
want more joy more freedom more personal power Led by Joanna Colrain and Mikele Rauch For more information con-tact Joanna at (770) 220-4059 or Mikele at mikelerauchgmailcom
June 8 2009 930am - 430pm
Ontario Science Centre Talus
Room 770 Don Mills Rd Toronto
Ontario
What Every Victim Treatment Provider Needs to Know about Offender Thinking and Risk
This workshop led by Anna Salter PhD will address common ways offenders confuse trick and manipulate victims and the implications on treating victims who struggle with issues of responsibilities and reporting Sponsored by Crisci amp Mayer For more information call (416) 480-1611 ext 223 or email trainingckmconsultationcom
August 14-16 2009 800am - 500pm
Doubletree Hotel Bradley Interna-tional Airport 16 Ella Grasso Turn-
pike Windsor Locks CT
The Twelfth Annual Ritual Abuse Secretive Organizations and Mind Control Conference
The goal is to help stop future occurrences of ritual abuse to help survivors of ritual abuse to name the groups that have participated in alleged illegal activities and to unite those working to stop ritual abuse For more information visit the conference website or email smartnewsaolcom Pre-registration is preferred
September 21-26 2009
Town and Country Resort amp Conven-tion Center500
Hotel Circle North San Diego CA
The 14th International Conference on Violence Abuse and Trauma
Promoting Peace in the Home Your Community and the World Link-ing Practice Research and Policy Across the Lifespan For more infor-mation visit the conference website or call (858) 627-1860 ext 4030 or email ivatconfalliantedu
March 18-21 2010
John Jay College of Criminal Justice 899 Tenth Ave-nue New York
NY
MaleSurvivor International Conference Relief Healing and Hope for Male Survivors
For adult male survivors of sexual abuse their friends family and loved ones clinicians attorneys law enforcement professionals legal advocates researchers educators students and those who care Watch the MaleSurvivor website for information about being a pre-senter as well as a list of the speakers being lined up The 2010 con-ference promises to be as always a transformative experience
February 2009
Page 5
Connecting the Dots By Dale English MS CAS
I have a very distant memory of being in the first grade in a small New Hampshire town
sitting at my one-piece wood and iron deskchair and being exposed to multitasking for the first time by Sister Mary George She gave me a paper covered with a mass of dots each with a number next to it The task was to connect the numbered dots in ascending order with straight lines If done correctly a
picture would ap-pear serving both as proof of mastery and as an object waiting to be coloredmdasha prize for onersquos efforts Uncon-sciously I must have
been channeling this moment of history as I crisscrossed Canada through emails and phone calls meeting each of the contributors of this Issue and discovering yet again that the first frame of a perception is often quite different from the last
The first dot on this journey be-longed to the woman I think of when anyone says the word ldquoCanadardquo to me Toronto therapist Lynne MacDonell of the Weekend of Recovery team provided her vision of the challenges faced by
survivors in her country and the first of the names that would ac-company each of the next few dots I was led to John Muise and Ellen Campbell from the Canadian Center for Abuse Awareness who write in this issue about the legisla-tive role in abuse Tom Wilken therapist and author who facilitates support groups for men Jim Hall facilitator from the Menrsquos Trauma Group Program in Scarborough Ontario Glenn Allan a local radio personality who facilitates a support group for male survi-vors J A a survivortherapist who serves in an area necessitat-ing confidentiality and Robert Hawkings a psychotherapist who is the newest member of the Week-end of Recovery program
The dots that followed came with names like Bruce Jordan David and Robert all alumni of the WOR program courageously willing to share some of their journeys with our readers Then the newest mem-ber of the MS newsletter team Mark H volunteered to take on the massive task of locating sup-port groups and other services for male survivors across Canada It was then from Mark that we re-ceived the name of the person who would be this Issuersquos front page interview attorney Simona Jellinek From Simona came the name of psychotherapist Nancy Mayer who
works with survivors of clergy sex-ual abuse and from Nancy came the name of Robert Beacuterubeacute who founded a male survivor Facebook page facilitates groups and advo-cates for services for male survivors Everyone mentioned thus far is
from the province of Ontario However a dance and movement colleague from France Caroline Benamza who also works in Queacutebec province provided our final dot repre-senting our French speaking brothers who are serviced by an organization called CRIPHASE My at-tempts to connect with men and women
whose efforts lie with serving First Nations people and their survivors from residential schools were un-successful Their stories will be told the next time we visit Canada in a future Issue of the newsletter
What a journey it has been for me to meet and converse with such wonderful and committed men and women all focused on doing what they can to make a difference in the life of men who were once innocent little boys These are ordinary people doing extraordinary things as they shed light on crimes against the most vulnerable of humanity on a scale that equals some of worldrsquos worst moments Let this Issue of the newsletter
(Continued on page 7)
Just a Thought
Dale English
ldquoLet this Issue of the
newsletter serve as the
screaming voice that
every survivor wished he
had possessed to call for
someone to enter the
room and stop the
abuserdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 6
By Richard Cleverly
O n a cold October morning in 1997 Martin Kruze a courageous young man
who had been an inspiration to thousands of sexually abused Cana-dian men leapt to his death from Torontorsquos Bloor Street Viaduct Three days earlier his abuser of many years (and the sexual abuser of many other boys) Gordon Stuck-less had been sentenced to two years plus a day for his crimes mdash a mere slap on the wrist and more
than Martin could bear
Eight months ear-lier 35 year old Martin Kruze went public with his harrow-ing story of his sexual abuse most
of which occurred between 1975 and 1982 in Canadarsquos high temple of hockey Torontorsquos Maple Leaf Gardens In 1993 Martin sued Ma-ple Leaf Sports and Entertainment the operator of the Gardens which settled with him for $60000 in re-turn for his silence about what had happened to him and others at the Gardens
Four years later and a month after another hockey-related story of sexual abuse broke in the national media Martin decided to end his silence Martinrsquos story galvanized the media and shocked and out-
raged the Canadian public as no other revelation of sexual abuse had In the months that followed Martin used his ldquocelebrityrdquo to begin working to help his fellow survi-vors many of whom still credit him with helping save their lives But tragically his good works and the adulation he received did little to alleviate the terrible pain and suffering the rage and self-hatred and the profound despair that had led him to attempt sui-cide several times previously
A few months before his death Martin visited Michael Irving PhD the creator of the wonderful Child Abuse Survivor Monument in To-ronto Martin wanted to contribute his own ldquoquilt squarerdquo to the Monu-ment and arranged to work on it that fall Martin died before he could make his contribution how-ever with the assistance of Martinrsquos brothers Dr Irving made a death cast of Martinrsquos hand and sculpted a portrait of Martin from the family photo above His father Imants Kruze named the finished work ldquoMartinrsquos Hoperdquo which later be-came the title of a policy document published by the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness recommend-ing comprehensive reform of the criminal justice system (see page 28)
I have chosen to grace this publica-tion with several images of the beautiful and poignant bronzed quilt squares from the Monument
Although Martinrsquos tragic story did much to help raise awareness of male sexual abuse and assault in Canada and prepare the ground for reforms much work remains to create an integrated system of care for abused men The contributors to this special Canadian issue of the MaleSurvivor newsletter ndash care providers and advocates attorney Simona Jellinek who seeks justice for survivors and the men who tell their stories ndash share a common goal of advancing the cause of boys and men who have suffered so much at the hands of predators including First Nations people who were vic-tims of the ldquoCanadian Holocaustrdquo (see page 37)
I extend my deepest gratitude to you all
Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze
Richard Cleverly
Martin Kruze
February 2009
Page 7
serve as the screaming voice that every survivor wished he had pos-sessed to call for someone to enter the room and stop the abuse We have just scratched the surface in this effort to respond to the men of Canada So much more is needed and networking is at the center of any successful effort I would ask all our Canadian readers to contact one of these contributors and ask what you could do in this most worthy endeavor And take heart because when all the dots are connected a picture appears It is the picture of compassion and hope It is a picture of many pic-tures and they all have names And theyrsquore waiting for you
Connecting the Dots (Continued from page 5)
reclaim onersquos life and the free-dom to thrive and not simply exist
Being with other men who will absolutely provide support to one another no matter how different they may be in terms of history esteem country of origin abuse history masculin-ityfemininity or sexual orienta-tion and
Being in a safe enough space to speak to move to sing to breathe deeply to create with or without formal artistic train-ing to listen and to connect
Our next weekend mdash March 27-29 mdash will take place at the Sequoia Re-treat Center in Ben Lomond Cali-
Warm Welcome (Continued from page 2)
fornia nestled in the redwood madrone and tan oak forest of the Santa Cruz Mountains As of the third week of February we have 21 registrants with room for 28 I am not sure how many spaces will be available when you receive this so if you are interested jump in fast And if you are too late remember we have three more Level One weekends this year Dahlonega outside of Atlanta May 15-17 Hope Springs in SW Ohio Oct 23-25 and then our yet to be an-nounced weekend in Canada For those of you who are alumni you have already received our first sur-vey to help us plan the Advanced Weekend (open to any man who has attended a Level One WOR) slated for the beautiful Alta Lodge in Alta Utah outside of Salt Lake City September 11-13
Weekend of Recovery 27 at Mysthaven November 2008
Vol 2 No 2
Page 8
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Sexual assault will always be an individual experience however I think we have all witnessed via the media that when a man comes forward with his experience of sexual abuse it often uncovers a mother lode of hidden institutional
or multiple abuses Boy Scouts churches training schools private schools sports teams all flooding our TV screens and our minds with the troubling stories of scores of men abused over decades I hesi-tate to speculate that the next big exposure of institutionalized abuse will be the reporting of psychiat-ric hospitals That
exposeacute must wait for those institu-tionally traumatized men and women to find their courage and their voices
It has been my experience that pockets of expertise develop in different areas of our country and those victims of abuse fortunate enough to be able to access those resources benefit greatly Beyond those resourced areas men are left living ldquolives of quiet desperationrdquo
In 2004-2005 the Menrsquos Project in Ottawa received some time-limited funding to compile a list of thera-peutic resources and programs for male survivors A great beginning but unfortunately resources ran out and the website had to be shut down
At our clinic in Toronto Ontario Canada we run three treatment groups a week for adult men who were sexually traumatized as chil-dren This year mdash 2009 mdash the program is celebrating its fifteenth year
The difficulty in pre-senting a picture of the state of treatment for men who have suffered from sexual abuse is that there is no coordination of resources at any level in Toronto in Ontario in Canada No one really has the big picture There was a conference held in Toronto last year that illustrated that there are a number of won-derful people and programs across the province that are doing what they can for traumatized men
The spark that got our group pro-gram running was a desperate call in 1992 to SASAT (Scarborough Agencies Sexual Abuse Treatment program) from a man who could find no professional government funded resource to help him deal with his childhood trauma In To-ronto we have the ldquoBlue Bookrdquo a listing of social service resources that is the size of a medium sized cityrsquos phone book In all those many pages there was half a page listing resources for men who were either alcoholics or abusing their wives
Reflections from Canada
By Jim Hall
Wolfwood Canada
wolfwoodcanadarogerscom
I was asked by MaleSurvivor to give some reflections on my experience as a therapist dealing
with male sexual traumatisation in Canada
I began my professional journey in 1985 working in a childrenrsquos De-tention Centre I worked with street kids through Covenant House in
treatment classrooms and for the past fifteen years in a hospital-based clinic Over the past three years I have become increasingly involved with
the Inuit of Canadarsquos Arctic dealing with issues of trauma including cultural trauma
In 2005 I wrote Creating Courage Search amp Rescue a manual for people in the caring professions who deal with trauma and anxiety In March of 2005 I began present-ing ldquoInside the Male Mind Identify-ing Resistance and Opportunity in the Treatment of Boys and Teen Guys Who Have Experienced Sexual Abuserdquo throughout the province of Ontario
Jim Hall
ldquoThe mass of men lead
lives of quiet
desperation
What is called
resignation is confirmed
desperationrdquo
mdashHenry David Thoreau
1854
February 2009
Page 9
One of our shining resources in Canada is the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness Headed by Ellen Campbell the CCAA has always been a strong advocate and sup-porter of men who have suffered sexual trauma It coordinated Mar-tinrsquos Hope which was a public forum supported by the Toronto Maple Leaf organization under the direction of General Manager and hockey great Ken Dryden Sadly Martin Kruze who blew the whistle on the Maple Leaf Gardens abuse scandal committed suicide but because of his courage many men found the strength to seek help
Like the United States Canada is a country of many cultures To understand where Canada is at in its response to the sex-ual abuse of males we have to be aware of different culturesrsquo take on the idea of ldquowhether or not males can be sexually abusedrdquo Strange question to all that will be reading this newsletter but I have talked to men of various cultures whose isolation is magnified by the cultural belief that ldquoit doesnrsquot happen to black men (unless theyrsquore gay)rdquo or ldquoit doesnrsquot happen in Indian culturerdquo What do you do when an experi-ence that doesnrsquot happen in your culture happens to you
On my office wall hangs a picture of a wolf hiding behind a tree It was drawn by a man who fought
the good fight and lost The feeling of being ldquoutterly alonerdquo over-whelmed him and his life was lost to suicide The stakes can be no higher There are few fights that are harder What keeps me going as a therapist as a man are the brave men who stay the course who push out the darkness finding strength in the company of other men who also fight to reclaim their livesrsquo potential
As a Canadian trauma therapist I am encouraged that our collective culture continues to move forward This past year our Prime Minister
apologized in the parliament of our country to our native peoples who were victimized by the residential school atrocities which mdash for many mdash included sex-ual abuse I have had the honour to work in our high Arctic with the Inuit There I have found a wonderful culture which wants to heal It didnrsquot begin so smoothly though for me Dur-ing my first visit there
while trying to start a menrsquos group the interpreter said to me ldquoItrsquos really offensive that you should come up here and talk to us about our traumardquo In the subsequent years of working together he and I have become friends
In the north and in the south I find the same troubling story Young men lost disconnected caught up in the world of drugs alcohol and
crime desperately searching for a sense of meaning and belonging Although not all have been sexually abused many have Our young men and men in general lack men-tors
In Canada we lack a coordinating organization mdash a rdquoCentre of Excel-lencerdquo mdash that would address the issues specific to traumatized men and could provide research leader-ship and treatment We didnrsquot start using seatbelts in Canada until the government said we had to I be-lieve the shame and embarrass-ment most traumatized men feel keeps many from seeking the help they need A Menrsquos Trauma Centre could say ldquoMen can be sexually abused Men can be traumatized If that has happened to you you can come here We can help You need to come here Things can and will get betterrdquo
As a country are we there yet We are not even close mdash no culture no country is But there are more and more men who are there who have fought the good fight and won They have opened their mouths spoken their truth challenged the status quo and blazed a trail for other traumatized men and boys to find and follow
I believe the tide in Canada is changing Doors of secrecy that have been forced open will not close again Our compassion for traumatized men continues to grow The future has some bright-ness around its edges that wasnrsquot there ten years ago
ldquoTo understand where
Canada is at in its
response to the sexual
abuse of males we have
to be aware of different
culturesrsquo take on the
idea of lsquowhether or not
males can be sexually
abusedrsquordquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 10
this was the case It was discovered that those in control of determin-ing what funding went to what had decided it was not cost effective to have a womenrsquos detox since so few women were over-drinking The committee decided to document the need since many felt that a womenrsquos detox was necessary
In the end the committee was able to document the need and a womenrsquos detox was funded in Windsor Ontario What had hap-pened Many women struggling with a substance abuse problem were hidden and misdiagnosed A similar situation exists with male survivors of childhood abuse This problem is hidden and often misdi-agnosed
The Greater Toronto Area where I cur-rently live is a city of over 55 million peo-ple If we believe the current stats and if we assume that roughly half the population are male and if perhaps one in six boys will have been abused by the age of 16 (and ac-cording to some
experts one in five boys is sexually abused) then there are possibly over 500000 men out there who have experienced childhood abuse in my little corner of the world To be fair we know that some chil-dren report and are heard and helped We also know that some seem to have been able to work it
A Dearth of Services in Canada
By Lynne MacDonnell
Private Practice in Toronto Area +1 (416) 996-4050
A report issued by the United Nations states that millions of children are exposed to
sexual violence each year It cuts across cultures income levels edu-cation levels No country is immune from it The four-year study that encompassed 130 countries was completed by Paulo Pinheiro an independent expert appointed by UN Secretary General Kofi Annan As many as 150 million girls and 73 million boys worldwide are subject to sexual violence each year usually by someone in their family circle said the report A 2002 Canadian study showed chil-dren made up 23 of the popula-tion but accounted for 61 of
sexual assault victimssup1
In spite of this recovery services for male survivors of childhood abuse seem to be limited An internet search for services in the Toronto area yields services for gay bi or transgendered men and a group for men against violence of women While these services are necessary and valuable what about the guys who need to deal with the sexual abuse they experienced as children rather than their sexual preference Apparently there is no lack of need since the above quoted report suggests that boys are just as likely
to be sexually abused as little girlssup2 One might argue that little boys are
even more likely to be abused since access to male children is more readily achieved Common sense suggests that one is more likely to leave their male children with coaches male babysitters male teachers ldquoUncle Ernierdquo and so forth than they would ever leave their young daughters This is in spite of the fact that the majority of the perpetrators ldquoreported as
malerdquosup3 It has often been suggested that incidents of sexual abuse of boys is under-reported
If the abuse of boys is under-reported the need for services may not be apparent As an example of this Irsquod like to tell you a short story In 1977-78 in Windsor On-tario my home town there was a detox centre But it was a male-only facil-ity In those days if a man was picked up for being drunk in a public place he was taken to the detox unless it was deter-mined that he was dangerously close to overdosing or had incurred some sort of an injury in which case he was taken to hospital In that same city a blue collar hard working town women who over-drank and were picked up drunk were taken to hospital if it was deemed that they were in physical trouble But if that was not the case women were taken to Jail At that time a com-mittee was struck to find out why
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoThose of us offering
services are not
connected and donrsquot
seem to know one
another except perhaps
for the few agencies
that do work with menrdquo
February 2009
Page 11
out But we also know that many try but cannot ldquoget over itrdquo much as they would like to Sadly we also know that some end up using addiction and or violence and end up in jail or treatment and never report the abuse (I wonder how many men who are in jail for vio-lent acts have been abused as boys mdash but that is another arti-cle) Some end up dead Where are all these men Are they suffering in silence
Free or close to free workshops for male survi-vors have been offered but few men come out Perhaps the adverts for such offerings are not read by these men or their partners Yet invariably when a man does finally access services he reports the difficulty he has had finding such services Is that too a lack of good PR It seems that the lack of information and the lack of coordinating ser-vices as well as the lack of the ability to document the need have all contributed to the situation we face Those of us offering services are not connected and donrsquot seem to know one another except per-haps for the few agencies that do work with men
In September of 2008 the Archdio-cese of Toronto gave the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness a small grant to help me partner with
others to offer groups for men This has been difficult to accom-plish Despite all the emails sent out only one person responded and unfortunately she is out of the area How does it happen How do those of us working in this field connect collaborate and use each other as referrals and consultants
It is a difficult situation
Originally when asked to write this article about the ser-vices in my area I waxed eloquent about how we are all protecting our little clinical kingdom reluc-tant to share information or lose clients But
upon reflection I wonder if that is true Could it be truer that others like me are busy doing what we do best mdash working with our clients mdash thus leaving less time for what we do not do best investigate and find others working with the same clientele Am I guilty of just that I wonder
The next obvious question is how How do we get out the word that ldquoyou are not the only onerdquo to a man who was abused in childhood As we are aware men often donrsquot get help until they end up in some sort of trouble with relationships addictions or recovering from depression or suicidal attempts Or Jail Sadly they donrsquot get help there except possibly for anger management
Perhaps we can speculate that as more information regarding male childhood abuse becomes avail-able more men will come forward but if they come forward we have to have a network of people to be there It is so difficult for a man to attempt to get help mdash even more difficult if he finds places he has reached out to turn him away because they donrsquot how to help him or where to send him
Irsquove attempted in my limited way to get the message out that men need to know that they are not alone that six out of 10 boys have been or will be abused by age 18 that healing is possible and healing is a private issue Men need not suffer in silence and can stop past abuse from damaging their lives just as MaleSurvivor has helped The trouble seems to be that those who read this are not those who need to read it Too many ques-tions and not enough answers
My only plan at this point is to send the link for this edition of the newsletter highlighting Canada to everyone I can find in the hopes that somehow we service providers can have a conference workshop meeting or whatever to find each other and start working on getting the message out that we are here and we know something about how to help
Endnotes
sup1 UN report reveals ldquoshockingrdquo levels of violence against children
sup2 See httpwwwjimhoppercommale-ab
sup3 This is a discussion for another occasion
ldquoThe Cycle Stoppedrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 12
My Journey to MaleSurvivor
By Rob Hawkings MA
I was asked a few weeks ago if I would write an article for the MaleSurvivor newsletter telling
the story of how I came to be in-volved in working with male survi-vors most recently as the newest member of the Weekends of Recov-ery leadership team My initial reaction was an enthusiastic ldquoNo problem great ideardquo And I do think it is a great idea I remember back to about 1989 when I attended mdash as a par-ticipant mdash my first therapeutic weekend for men who had ex-perienced childhood sexual abuse how difficult it was to trust anyone enough mdash par-ticularly male author-ity figures mdash to talk openly about my experience and feelings and how much easier it was after the leaders had modeled appropriate trust and self-disclosure I see this autobio-graphical article as an opportunity to begin to earn your trust
A few days later it hit me that what I had undertaken was not a one-to-one direct personal exchange or confined to a self-help setting or therapy group or retreat it was go-ing to be published on the Inter-net mdash for anyone to read mdash forever After 21 years of personal recovery
including almost 20 years as a counselor and psychotherapist I am quite comfortable disclosing my status as a survivor and whatever pieces of my story will be helpful in therapeutic settings mdash but this is different This is not contained Ah well as I have been told many times along my journey There are no accidents look for signs of syn-
chronicity and take advantage of opportunities for growth So here goes
Counseling and psychotherapy is a second career for me to which I aspired as a teenager a natural choice given that one of my child-hood roles as the eldest son in an alcoholic home was to be confi-dant and counselor to my suffering mother Looking back it is a very good thing I got diverted from that career path while at university Blind to my personal issues and
without the support and life experi-ence to handle my deeply buried emotions I would have made a terrible mdash and perhaps dangerous mdash therapist I am grateful that I did not revisit this career path until age 39 after I had begun a personal healing journey Up to that point I had managed to achieve an appar-ently successful life (at that time I
was in the corporate business world) but addictive behavior and underlying abuse-related issues had progressed to the point where I was unable to hold my house of cards together I realize now that the ensu-ing marital and pro-fessional melt-down was both unavoid-able and necessary in order for the healing to begin
The high quality of the self-help and
professional therapy I was blessed to experience in the early stages of my own recovery reawakened (on a much healthier footing this time) my passion to be doing that kind of work as a professional Organiz-ing self-help retreats led to training to be an addictions counselor serv-ing a year ldquoin the trenchesrdquo of front-line addictions treatment (invaluable experience) and then working half-time for two years as a therapist in hospital-based psy-chiatric day-treatment programs
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Journey Uncredited Photo
February 2009
Page 13
during which time I began a private practice The part-time private practice filled quickly (and became full-time after two years) with re-covering alcoholics and addicts adult children of alcoholics and increasingly adult survivors of sex-ual abuse
It was while I was working that first year in a menrsquos residential addic-tion treatment facility that men be-gan to disclose to me that they had been sexually abused as boys These emotionally charged disclo-sures were always one-on-one and curiously were occurring way more often with me than with other counselors on staff I say ldquocuriouslyrdquo because I was curious as to why this was happening It was only that same year in context of self-help support and professional help that I ldquoconnected the dotsrdquo between my own sex-ual abuse as a boy and the problems that had developed in my life I did not yet fully understand as I do now that with the highly sensitive ldquoradarrdquo that survivors seem to have these men were recognizing in me an empathetic kindred spirit who would somehow relate to their is-sues To learn to help these men (and to help myself) along a heal-ing path I began to seek out any and all training I could find on the subject
In those early years I learned mostly from women in the feminist movement who had been aware of the impact of sexual abuse for dec-ades and were far ahead of men in helping each other heal Much of what they knew and so generously shared was also useful in working with men There are however ma-jor differences and I was fortunate in connecting with some of the pioneers (Mike Lew among others) who were researching and articulat-ing those differences and how to address them in recovery Over succeeding years I continued to gain experience doing one-on-one
therapy with male survivors and in lead-ing and supervising group-based pro-grams for a succes-sion of Ontario agen-cies Along the way I have been honored to serve as clinical consultant for two treatment handbooks on working with men who have experi-enced childhood sex-ual abuse
A significant experi-ence professionally for me was leaving
my private practice for five years (2000-2005) to work full-time as a Program Development Specialist at Bellwood Health Services a 60-bed in-patient addictions treatment fa-cility in Toronto It was stimulating and rewarding to play lead roles in designing and implementing Can-adarsquos first residential treatment program for sexual addiction and Canadarsquos first truly concurrent
treatment program for soldiers and veterans with substance depend-ency and post-traumatic stress (I like the term ldquoOperational Stress Injuryrdquo adopted by the Canadian military which encompasses the whole spectrum of clinical and sub-clinical combat-related stress disor-ders not just psychiatrically diag-nosable PTSD)
At this point in my life and career (as of 2005) I and my second wife (I have been happily remarried now for close to ten years) have chosen to ldquosemi-retirerdquo to the small town of Deep River Ontario about a six-hour drive north of Toronto where I maintain a part-time private prac-tice providing counseling therapy training and consulting in two of the specialties I am known for re-covery for male survivors of child-hood sexual abuse and sexual ad-diction recovery I also ldquokeep my hand inrdquo in the field of combat-related post-traumatic stress treat-ment by working two days a week as an addictions counselor at a large nearby Canadian Forces Base (in Petawawa) which is sending units regularly to Afghanistan and where we are seeing growing num-bers of soldiers self-medicating their post-traumatic stress symp-toms with addictive behavior and substances
Deep River affords us a wonderfully quiet and gently paced lifestyle in a part of the country with beautiful natural surroundings and consis-tently and gloriously clean air but it poses some challenges This town is where I grew up and where the abuse happened There are ldquoghosts
(Continued on page 15)
ldquoIn those early years I
learned mostly from
women in the feminist
movement who had
been aware of the
impact of sexual abuse
for decades and were far
ahead of men in helping
each other healrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 14
My Weekend of Recovery
By Robert L
M y Weekend of Recovery was a phenomenal ex-perience Phenomenal
The more time that passes the more I realize how much of a posi-tive impact the WOR has had on me Since the WOR things have opened up and my recovery is accelerating
Given the positive experi-ence it is hard to believe that I was somewhat hesitant to attend While I was very excited when I first signed up months in advance some personal issues arose by the time the WOR came around and I seriously considered backing out Thankfully I did not
By way of background I have known about my abuse all my life No flashbacks for me it was always front and center I tried to deal with it as best as I could alone I first spoke about the abuse at age 19 telling my first real love interest about it Disclosing my past only to love interests became a pattern for me until I could no longer handle the pain and started individual therapy at age 31 (six years ago)
The individual therapy has been very helpful I have learned a lot
about myself particularly by ex-ploring areas that I did not even think were part of the equation The therapy also helped a lot of the pain go away
My biggest single problem remains relationships or the lack thereof In actuality I have never had a ldquorealrdquo relationship Instead I keep repeat-ing the same patterns of falling for girls who cannot be emotionally available to me who are often
survivors themselves and are often already in a relationship with an-other man Clearly I needed to add something to my individual ther-apy
Over the past six years I have considered group therapy but
could not find a suitable group A few months before the WOR my therapist gave me a copy of Mike Lewrsquos book Victims No Longer As I read the book I realized that I was a ldquotextbook caserdquo and thought that surely there must be a ldquotextbook solutionrdquo (that I obviously could not find over six years of individual therapy) Naiumlve or not I decided to search for a group once again My online search led me to
the MaleSurvivor website Imagine my pleasant surprise when I discov-ered that a WOR was coming to my city I signed up immediately
I was literally the first survivor to arrive at Mysthaven and was so anxious to ldquoget the show on the roadrdquo While wait-ing for the others to arrive I spent my time looking around trying to make myself feel at home It did not take long for that to happen As I entered the main room I was faced with dozens of t-shirts made by past WOR attendees and it moved me to tears I was surely in a place where I belonged
Eventually the others arrived and we began the opening ceremony It was so well thought out Actually everything was well thought out right from the opening to the closing ceremonies I noticed a lot
In the First Person
ldquoI Know I Am Not Shamefulrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 15
of nice little touches and appreci-ated all of them
After the opening ceremony we did a ldquosafetyrdquo exercise in which everyone had a chance to express his needs for a safe environment (for instance I cannot have people touch my neck) We all committed to abide by the safety rules This turned out to be one of the best parts of the WOR because at no time whatsoever did I feel judged or unsafe in any way I cannot recall ever being in such an atmosphere before
We went through a lot of activities and exercises over the weekend Some of these included small groups breathing exercises (grounding) telling our story ldquosculptingrdquo shame busting commu-nity building art and mindfulness walks
I liked the small groups the best I felt there was an excellent fit among the facilitators my fellow survivors and me I had ample opportunity to say what I wanted to say and welcomed all the feed-back After years of individual ther-apy it was great to finally connect with other male survivors in a group setting I learned from my fellow survivors and it also put my recovery into perspective
The shame busting exercise was also incredible It is one thing to talk about creating intimacy it is another to learn how to do it ac-
from the pastrdquo on every street cor-ner mdash and I am finding them a greater challenge than I antici-pated It has been much easier (surprisingly) and a hugely empow-ering victory for me to transform the house we now inhabit mdash where some of the abuse occurred in my childhood mdash into the safest and most comfortable home I have ever known Deep River is relatively iso-lated from the colleagues I have come to know and trust over many years and I take every opportunity to join them whenever and wher-ever I can for trainings and work-shops I am also learning to rely more on the telephone and the Internet to maintain my personal and professional circles of support My journey of growth and healing continues It is not without hurdles and challenges but at this stage it is filled with blessings not the least of which are my two children (now adults) and the relationships I now enjoy with them Life now is better than I could ever have imagined and I welcome the challenges
Which brings me to the present blessing and challenge namely joining the leadership team of the MaleSurvivor Weekends of Recov-ery I have many strong family and professional connections in the United States and I welcome this opportunity to work with a geo-graphically and culturally broader range of men and women who share my values principles and passion for recovery I look forward to meeting and working with some of you
My Journey (Continued from page 13)
tively After the movement exercise one of the facilitators told me that I ldquolooked beautiful out thererdquo I did not believe or understand that comment at the time but I think I do now and it still makes me cry to think of it The comment made me feel that someone saw the ldquorealrdquo me regardless of what I look
like on the outside It also made me realize that I had forgotten how to ldquoplayrdquo I really did feel like a playful child during the exer-cise and I cannot think of the last time that I experienced such a feeling
Since the WOR I have stepped up my recov-ery process I attend weekly groups and keep in regular con-
tact with a few fellow WOR partici-pants I have also bought many self-help books started journaling and increased my time on the MaleSur-vivor forums
I see a dramatic difference in my-self since the WOR I feel more positive and more at peace I can also talk more freely about the abuse and no longer feel shame The bottom line is that I have moved from being a victim to being a SURVIVOR
Words cannot express my gratitude to the WOR team and my fellow survivors I really appreciate the individual chats and felt that every-one was genuinely interested in my recovery Thank you I love you all
ldquoThe shame busting
exercise was also
incredible It is one
thing to talk about
creating intimacy it is
another to learn how to
do it activelyrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 16
high schools were resistant to al-lowing staff members to enter their school and provide educational programs Having a male on staff proved to be beneficial and the program grew rapidly Fortunately mdash and unfortunately mdash the media be-gan writing articles about me and the educational programs Once the Ministry folks became aware a man was on the payroll of the cen-tre my position was terminated I was told that funding was specifi-cally designed for women to pro-
vide services for women To the credit of the crisis centre they had me volun-teer for six months until they could se-cure funding from the local United Way They seemed less concerned about a man wanting to pro-vide services to peo-ple in need
History was being made We became the first sexual assault crisis centre in Canada to open a separate satellite office for a
menrsquos program This was not something celebrated by all crisis centres I was asked to advocate for men but to keep quiet at the same time The program became very successful and more and more male survivors were asking for ser-vices Unfortunately in 2002 the local United Way decided to reduce their support after having a trou-
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
The Circle of Compassion
By Tom Wilken
T hanks to Dale English of the MaleSurvivor newsletter for asking me to write an article
about my experiences working with male sexual abuse survivors in Can-ada As an advocate it seems like the journey of working with survi-vors has many societal obstacles but we are moving forward slowly but surely I often wonder why it is so challenging for Canadians to include male survivors into the circle of compas-sion
In 1991 I accepted a role with the local sexual assault crisis centre and attended one of their training programs On the first day the female facili-tator looked at me and said ldquoyou must be a brave manrdquo I had no idea what she was talking about at the time but I sure do now For the next eleven years I was employed in an adversarial political roller coaster ride that made advocating for men a daunting task Nevertheless I am very thankful for that opportunity I started as a part-time support worker counseling men My posi-tion evolved and included the role of an Education Co-Coordinator The crisis centre found the local
bling fund raising year Since the gender of the clientele was male the crisis centre was unable to top up funding and the male program was removed from the services of-fered by this crisis centre This may sound discriminatory and perhaps even a human rights issue because it is In Canada we pride ourselves in celebrating diversity but unfor-tunately that does not always in-clude the needs of male survivors
Something exciting happened in 2002 Health Canada asked me to update their ldquoAdult Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse - Overview Pa-perrdquo which was distributed throughout the country by the Na-tional Clearinghouse on Family Vio-lence Until that point in time the Overview Paper was predominately written about the concerns of fe-male survivors without any equality for the concerns of male survivors There was some resistance voiced by a crisis centre about a man writ-ing about both genders but Health Canada took a chance and re-quested I complete the Overview Paper that spoke to the similarities and differences regarding the re-covery process of both genders This paper was considered success-ful and a second printing was needed to meet the requests by Canadians This was so rewarding for me and it helped me to realize that there is hope for male survi-vors
Facilitating groups for male survi-vors was an exciting part of my role at the crisis centre Being with men who are being ldquorealrdquo and sup-
ldquoThe Canadian
government has known
for years that 37 of
sexual abuse survivors
under the age of 21 are
male however they do
not open their hearts for
male survivors and
welcome them into the
circle of compassionrdquo
February 2009
Page 17
ple as well The main difference was they responded to their woundedness in a different fashion It is estimated that on any given day there are over 100000 people on probation in the province of Ontario It is also estimated that up to 80 of these folks may have been sexually abused This equates
to 80000 sexual abuse survivors who are on probation most of whom are male We also know that 59 of people in prison are sexual abuse survivors Sadly probation officers are not trained in sexual abuse recovery issues It is interest-ing to note that I work with more male survivors as a Probation Offi-cer than when I worked at the crisis centre When people are not given healthy outlets for expressing their anger it can manifest in less desir-able ways
I started the ldquoWe Want to Knowrdquo project in 2003 which was partially sponsored by the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness and the now
porting one another throughout the healing process is truly a magi-cal experience The men receiving services were both grateful and angry They were grateful to be receiving services but angry these services were not available when they were younger They wondered why so many other male survivors
are not given the same opportunity to heal Seven men from group consented to having their healing journey documented during thirty weeks of group counseling Thus the book Rebuilding Your House of Self Respect Men Recovering from Childhood Sexual Abuse first edi-tion was in the works
In 2002 I accepted a position as a Probation Officer with the Ministry of Community Safety and Correc-tional Services After working with victims for over a decade I won-dered if the adjustment to working with offenders was possible It did-nrsquot take long to realize that people who offended were wounded peo-
closed Windsor Family Forum We were able to fulfill the dream of the seven courageous men from group by distributing copies of the RYHSR book to agencies throughout Can-ada
Millions of dollars are spent in Can-ada for sexual assault crisis centres and other programs for female sur-
vivors These valuable programs for women are underfunded but un-fortunately there are rarely any services specifically for men The Canadian government has known for years that 37 of sexual abuse survivors under the age of 21 are male however they do not open their hearts for male survivors and welcome them into the circle of compassion
In 2007 the Diocese of London Ontario provided funding for my business Hope amp Healing Associ-ates and the Silence to Hope (STH) project was born The Diocese in-creased their funding from $30000
(Continued on page 18)
A Circle of Compassion (uncredited photo)
Vol 2 No 2
Page 18
material to the Ministry of Commu-nity Safety and Correctional Ser-vices the Ministry of Children and Youth Services Victim Services the Ontario Provincial Police and other various other agencies Over 1500 free copies of the second edition of my book Rebuilding Your House of Self Respect Men Recovering in Group from Childhood Sexual Abuse are being distributed to sur-vivors and agencies working with male survivors Lynne MacDonell has received funding from the Arch-diocese of Toronto and is assisting male survivors in central Ontario Her Help amp Hope Project is similar
to the STH project
The STH project was fortunate to partner with Howard Fradkin of MaleSurvivor and his Weekend of Re-covery facilitation team who came to Canada in November 2008 This was quite a treat for Canadian male survivors The expertise of the Frad-kin team provided a
high-caliber experience not nor-mally available to Canadians The feedback from participants indi-cated these men felt truly blessed to be part of this experience In 2009 I hope to write a workbook for male survivors that will accom-pany the second edition of the RYHSR book Ellen Campbell and the CCAA plan to partner with the STH project and provide free cop-ies of this workbook as part of a joint education and awareness pro-gram I am presently updating a Directory of Services for Health
in 2007 to $60000 in 2008 to $75000 in 2009 Thanks to the generosity of the Diocese we are able to provide support groups information and referral services education and awareness pro-grams The Diocese not only wanted us to help males who were victimized by priests but any male survivors
In the early stages we recognized that our communities were not pro-viding a safe and supportive envi-ronment for men to step out of isolation Various agencies were con-tacting me and shared their frustra-tions about not hav-ing places to refer men who were sexu-ally abused as chil-dren It became pain-fully evident how un-educated Canadian service providers are on the needs of men and sexual abuse One of the main focuses of the STH project is our education and aware-ness program and group facilita-tion
As sad as the present situation is for male survivors we are making progress The STH project has part-nered with agencies throughout our area and two agencies from our bigger cities are providing group facilitation on a year round basis We are partnering with the Cana-dian Centre for Abuse Awareness (CCAA) and providing educational
Circle of Compassion (Continued from page 17)
Canada and the National Clearing-house on Family Violence called Combining Voices This directory lists all agencies throughout the Country that provide services to male and female survivors
ldquoCollective denialrdquo is strong throughout Canada but there is HOPE There seems to be an im-portant shift in thinking taking place Several years ago the topic of working with male survivors was not to be spoken about however people are now more receptive to exploring the needs of a much ne-glected portion of the population More men are requesting services and more group counseling oppor-tunities are presenting themselves It appears that more and more Ca-nadian agencies are starting to rec-ognize the importance of including male survivors into the circle of compassion Every time we have articles in the media more men seem to come out of isolation My biggest concerns include the lack of funding by the government If this topic is not talked about and if a safe and supportive environment for men is not created men will go back into silence and isolation This work seems to be driven from the ldquobottom uprdquo and not the ldquotop downrdquo We need good men and women to talk more openly about the needs of male survivors ldquoCollective denialrdquo thrives when good people keep silent Survivors are not living in total isolation they are fathers brothers husbands workers community members and they are valuable human beings
We are proud to join MaleSurvivor in making this world a better place
ldquorsquoCollective denialrsquo is
strong throughout
Canada but there is
HOPE There seems to
be an important shift in
thinking taking placerdquo
February 2009
Page 19
This Boyrsquos Life
By Jordan M
M y life began as any other a happy boy in a happy nuclear family It
was a time when my biggest worry was my brother threatening to tattle on me for sneaking a cookie up to bed I was young and the life I was living was exactly how it should have been carefree and devoid of the messy thoughts and situations which I would soon come to know all too well I was a boy and without trying to sound too clicheacuted I was innocent Pure
My parentsrsquo nasty divorce popped that bubble I loved my family more than anything and the di-vorce ripped us apart Mom and Dad were too busy fighting each other to notice anything that was happening with me or my siblings We were pushed aside used as bargaining tools I felt like a pawn Mom convincing us that Dad was a bad guy Dad convincing us that Mom was to blame Being the third child of five I was lost I withdrew and I stayed as far away from any sort of family situation as I could I didnrsquot know whom to trust
Time passed and things leveled and Mom married again but her taste in men had changed since Dad Her new husband seemed to hate children and he made sure that was known He was a violent man and my family and I paid the price I felt more lost than ever I was all alone in a hell that I was not prepared for Looking for some
kind of calm in this storm I started spending more time with Dad on his farm
Dad had met and moved in with another woman as well and unlike my new step-dad I liked her I thought that this could be my escape I could stay with Dad and be safe Go back to being a kid again Live that normal life I used to have
Not only did Dadrsquos new girlfriend move in so did her brother mdash my new step-uncle of sorts He was great The coolest guy Irsquod ever met We got along he played with me we watched mov-ies we went out we did everything He paid attention to me and I sud-denly felt less alone He was that person whom I could trust He was the man who would help me through all this crap at home He was the one that cared I didnrsquot just have a new step-uncle I had a new friend a new guardian someone who was there for me I latched on I bought his trick mdash hook line and sinker
The sexual abuse began and after the initial shock frankly I got used to it Although I hated it he as-sured me it was ok This is what should be happening between a 12 year old boy and 32 year old man who have a special relationship like
the one we did I believed him All I had to do was comply with his sexual desires and he would remain there for me I was willing to pay that price to keep this man in my life Somewhere in the back of my little mind I knew it was wrong but
I wouldnrsquot tell a soul It was our little secret our special relation-ship Nobody could know but us
It went on for years and for years I grew more and more dis-tant from people from myself and from the world I attempted a few times to get away but there was no where to go Either I live in an abusive hell with Mom or I cater to my step-unclersquos desires at my
Dadrsquos Which is the lesser evil
I went back and forth from house to house each time growing a little more resilient a little harder Time went on and I wasnrsquot that little boy anymore Age was on my side now and I wanted it to stop
Mom did get rid of the mistake she married after a while but soon found a new one and I promised myself that I would not stand for another day in this hell The first time this new guy laid a hand on me I gave Mom an ultimatum him or me She chose him I was gone
(Continued on page 20)
In the First Person
ldquoAlthough I hated [the
abuse] he assured me it
was ok This is what
should be happening
between a 12 year old
boy and 32 year old
man who have a special
relationship like the one
we did I believed himrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 20
been chasing me the whole time and it was catching up
The lure of the big city called me and I began spending nights and weekends in Toronto Attempting to end the emptiness I began searching for ways to fill it I got hooked on drugs became an ad-dict I became hard Mean Nothing could touch me Fear couldnrsquot stand in my way The worst had already happened I thought what I was feeling was freedom but free was the farthest thing from the truth I was trapped trapped in anger and guilt and shame
The deep desire to be taken care of continued to force its way to the surface and take on new extremes My cutting habit that I had devel-
I left home at 16 I figured that anything was better than staying where I was This was going to be a new start for me It was going to be different this time I promised myself that I would make it
I was wrong Again
Life on your own at 16 is not an easy one mdash new city no friends barely any money Schools wouldnrsquot accept me apartments wouldnrsquot let a kid occupy a unit I was alone I was really alone this time It took
time but I eventually managed a bit of a life for myself and was able to get through high school but it didnrsquot come easy My past had
This Boyrsquos Life (Continued from page 19)
oped as a young teen had ex-ploded and I began to brutally beat myself in hopes that somebody would notice maybe take me to hospital Take care of me It didnrsquot work It never worked There was only one thing that worked sex
Hustling made me feel powerful Men would pay to be with me Itrsquos all I felt I was good at seducing men And it was a power that I so badly thought I needed As bad as I was treated the glimpse of con-trol that I felt was enough to keep me going back But all I was doing was allowing myself to be abused
over and over again It just lead me further and further down
The years passed and I lost all feeling I forgot how to feel I knew
A Sliver of Light copy 2009 Timothy Andrew
February 2009
Page 21
only three emotions happiness sadness and anger And it was the anger that consumed me Anything could set me off I was a ticking time-bomb I began to wonder if any sort of normal life would ever happen for me
I was ready to give up to accept that this was what God had planned for me but somewhere inside that messed up 20 year old head of mine there was a sliver of light the same light that was there when I was a child the light that only had to worry about sneaking a cookie up to bed And I knew that that tiny glimpse of light was the real me If I could find a way to broaden its beam I would be able to peel back all the layers of abuse and discover who I really am
I searched I called crisis lines I went to free therapy sessions I attempted to try to understand why I was like I was but I kept hitting dead ends Nobody seemed to know how to help me me a male survivor
Nothing would last The little help I did receive all faded All I really got were programs and information and books and flyers Then I found Lynne MacDonells number I called her late one night She agreed to meet with me and quickly got me
into her mens group ldquoA Time for Menrdquo
The group literally saved my life For the first time I knew I wasnt alone There were other men who had been through what I had been through and they genuinely cared for me It has been over three years
now and it is still difficult Although I have put an end to the coping mecha-nisms mdash the drugs and the cutting mdash itrsquos the feelings that still manage to give me a struggle As survivors we have to sort out our insides Our guts Our feelings All that stuff was ripped out mixed up and thrown back in when we were abused We have to retrain our brains learn how to think how to feel how to trust how to love At times I feel like Irsquom an emotional infant as if my body kept
growing after my uncle abused me but my mind didnrsquot That was the main issue when I finally decided that I needed to be on the path of recovery So I focused and I began
I look forward to those two hours every Monday night because I know I can say and share anything I want and I will not be judged I am safe there I am safe to peel back those layers of abuse and discover the real me who I was really meant to be not this husk of
a human being that I had been living as for so many years
Since joining the group I have finished university got my degree I am free of drugs and self-harming I have a good job and a much healthier lifestyle and I have come out with my secret about sexual abuse
I am not ashamed of who I am anymore It is a long and tough uphill battle and it is still far from over but I know that I have plenty of people helping me fight this battle Our group is more that just a support group We are a family a brotherhood of survivors deter-mined to help each other and spread the word
It was hope That light the real memdashit was hope As survivors some-times all we have to go on is hope and that is why we need to remem-ber that there is ALWAYS hope There never needs to be a dead end That tiny sliver of light exists in all of us you just have to find it
ldquoAs survivors
sometimes all we have
to go on is hope and
that is why we need to
remember that there is
ALWAYS hope There
never needs to be a
dead end That tiny
sliver of light exists in
all of us you just have
to find itrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 22
My Story
by Bruce M
A s I start to write this article I find myself sitting in front of the house where I was
first sexually abused I donrsquot know why I am here but I am Perhaps it is my way of being in control which I certainly wasnrsquot for a very long time It was really not that long ago before I avoided this area of the city entirely mdash never mind sitting on the street in front of the home where I was sexually as-
saulted
I am now 42 years old and have a partner who supports me more than I could have ever asked for I am in love and
although I thought I loved others before now I really know what love is For many years I was so secretly dysfunctional that most people were under the impression that I had it all together but that was furthest from the truth I was a good actor
I grew up in a middle class suburb of Toronto I was the youngest of three kids I was diagnosed with ADD and was given Ritalin to ldquosettle me downrdquo I think that Ritalin was an easy out for my parents I needed more one on one interac-tion and understanding rather than a drug regimen which suited their
needs I clearly remember my pe-diatrician back then coaching my parents on what I needed mdash and many of his recommendations went ignored In their minds it seemed that all I needed was Ritalin
I had very few true friends Most people found my hyperactivity to be too much My mother was a practicing alcoholic (thankfully sober for about 28 years now) and my father was nothing short of physically abusive mdash mainly to my sister and me but also to my brother from what I understand My father had out-bursts of rage during which he would beat me with a dog leash and his fist Once he shoved my head down a toilet and told me that is where I belonged I donrsquot know if many people could appreciate how horrible it was to be told that As long as I live I will never for-get how I felt when he said that
When I was 12 years old I was enrolled in basketball That year I excelled and my team ended up winning the champion-ship This was a great confidence boost that I really needed I had finally found something that I was good at The second year was not so great My assistant basketball
coach was a sexual predator who saw a shy and troubled boy in me and decided that he would look after his own needs This guy was a medical doctor so he knew what he was doing and started what I now understand was a very intense grooming process He talked to me about my hyperactivity my motherrsquos alcoholism and my fatherrsquos abuse As I remember back he brought these things up often while he was getting to know me
After a period of time he invited me to his home one day on the pretence of my coming over to rake leaves Once there he invited me to his basement where he
Moving On
Bruce M
Bruce M during the time of his abuse
February 2009
Page 23
matum He said that if I would not come to his house we could no longer be friends I donrsquot know how I did it but I decided that I did not want to go to his house and that was the end of that I now know that he went on to find an-other victim
For nearly the next two decades I struggled with life To add insult to injury I knew that I was a gay male and after the abuse I figured that this was what a gay relation-ship was like and I didnrsquot want it I lacked direction with almost everything I did For a while I was practically homeless because I was staying with one friend after another putting myself in situations where I could be abused again and again I was con-stantly haunted with
guilt because I was sure that the man who abused me was abusing other boys
Finally one day I came forward and told the police about my abuse They charged this man and I quickly learned that this perpetra-tor was one of the nastiest that I have come across to this day He had deep pockets and fought ruthlessly I was followed by private investigators my friends were approached by private investigators
made it clear that his gentle kind supportive ways would have a cost to me I remember hating the experience This disgusting smelling man was more than repulsive Would you believe that I went back Well I did Most other vic-tims of sexual abuse will under-
stand why better than those who have not been there I wanted to be cared for and listened to so badly that for a while I just put up with the abuse This guy came to my school at lunch and let me drive his car around the back streets I was too young and imma-ture to realize that this was not a kind gesture but more grooming that would give him access to what he wanted Eventually he got an-noyed that I would avoid going to his house so he gave me an ulti-
for interviews and he hired some of Canadarsquos best attorneys to get him out of his charges When I went to court to testify at a prelimi-nary trial he had people there to threaten me in the halls of the court and the bathrooms The criminal case went on and on and eventually to the Supreme Court of Canada for a ruling about my con-sent All in all it has been a very intense process which went on so long that the case was thrown out because of delay He is still not out of hot water because the College of Physicians and Surgeons went after him and I had to testify at that hearing too which is still going on to this day
Last fall I completed my third Weekend of Recovery and al-though I have been in private ther-apy for close to four years and have been a part of a menrsquos group in Toronto nothing compares to the results that I achieved from attending the Weekends of Recov-ery The weekend program and the connections that I made with other guys and therapists have been instrumental in giving me a push forward allowing me to have some happiness and a meaningful rela-tionship which I was never able to have before
Life is not perfect but I can tell you that it is so much better than it was a few years ago and it is getting better all the time
Bruce M during the time of his abuse
Vol 2 No 2
Page 24
nor injury well that was his cue He took me into a medical room and closed the door He examined my knee and soon the subject changed That was the first time that I was sexually assaulted
Over the years this repulsive man be-came my coach in both hockey and baseball He was a central figure at the arena and the base-ball diamond He was the one involved in all the fundraisers and came to be known as ldquothe guy who would do any-thing for the kidsrdquo Most of the parents loved him mdash but not mine He drank with parents partied with them all while he ldquotook carerdquo of us kids
The first time I was abused at the arena I told someone older than I I did so again when I was 15 What was I to do Neither time did the adults take appropriate action and you guessed it everything was swept under the carpet So I did the only thing I knew how to do mdash I stuffed it
Growing up was a difficult time for me because of the abuse and the fact that I suffered with ADHD and anxiety (undiagnosed at the time) My sisters did well in school how-ever I didnrsquot I would work my tail off get a ldquoCrdquo and then would be told to work harder or asked if I
A Victim No More
by Glenn Allan
M y name is Glenn Allan and I grew up in Stoney Creek Ontario Canada
By all rights I should have been dead years ago I am a recovering alcoholic and cocaine addict and I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse I donrsquot want my story to become an ldquoabuse or addiction-aloguerdquo so I wonrsquot get into graphic details or talk about every abusive situation
Please keep an open mind as this is my story
I was wel-comed into a loving yet dysfunctional family in February of 1964 I have four sisters
nine nieces and nephews two great-nieces and one great-nephew My story begins around the age of seven I loved skating and playing hockey I was always told ldquoYoursquove gotta practice to get betterrdquo and so I did I would play as much ice and road hockey as I could and my sis-ters would take me public skating It was at public skating that my abuser first spotted me and as-saulted me I fell during one of those skating sessions and hurt my knee My abuser was a skating monitor that day and when I needed medical attention for a mi-
were dumb My frustrations grew mdash if only they knew that there was a hurting little boy inside But I was a boy who was too afraid to say that he hurt or to cry mdash because ldquobig boys donrsquot cryrdquo I would get teased at home about being stupid or
asked ldquoWhy donrsquot you try harderrdquo
I couldnrsquot defend my-self verbally with my parents because that would have been ldquotalking backrdquo There were times when I would be so angry at them for picking on me for little things and I would think to myself ldquoYou are yell-ing at me for this while he (the abuser) is doing that to merdquo
Talk about frustration and built up rage I was a walking volcano I would fight all the time whether it was at school playing hockey or baseball it really didnrsquot matter why mdash all I knew was I was MAD
Over the years I slowly lost my self-esteem and self-worth I wanted to be anybody but me I idolized ath-letes like Bobby Orr Bobby Clarke and Pete Rose because of their dedication and work ethic Being a class clown I loved comedians (Steve Martin Richard Pryor Robin Williams Johnny Carson) and the entertainer in me loved singers (Elvis) and wanted so badly to be them Then maybe people would like me because there was abso-lutely no way anyone could really
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Glenn Allan
ldquoMy frustrations grewmdash
if only they knew that
there was a hurting little
boy inside But I was a
boy who was too afraid
to say that he hurt or to
crymdashbecause lsquobig boys
donrsquot cryrsquordquo
February 2009
Page 25
like or love me with the things my abuser had made me do
Because of the trauma of being abused I wet the bed until I was about 12 years of age which drained any remaining self-worth or self-esteem that I had left I was so embarrassed And then I had to tolerate ridiculous comments from people saying things like ldquoYou know that you are going to have to stop thisrdquo and ldquoYou are getting too old for thisrdquo No kidding really Did they think that I liked waking up in my own urine Did they not think that I wanted to stop Did they have any idea how their words hurt me Man oh man it was like that all the time They just didnrsquot think before they spoke
Frustrated and over-whelmed in my teens I finally found the ldquofriendrdquo that I had been looking for mdash first name ldquoALrdquo last name ldquoCOHOLrdquo I would be-come a whole new person when I drank booze and how I drank I found a brand new confidence I was somewhat funny when I drank dur-ing the early years of drinking however over time I became de-pressed and extremely angry I would fight in bars on a regular basis Then in December of 1987 I was stabbed outside a bar and nearly died Now you would think that being stabbed and nearly dy-ing would prompt a lifestyle
change or at the very least cause me to take a personal inventory of my situation and myself But not me I wore it as a badge of honour allowing the insanity to continue
It is said that if the drugs and alco-hol donrsquot kill you the lifestyle will During this time and over the years I was introduced to many criminals Their crimes ranged from murder assaults extortion and drug dealing to running massage parlours and prostitution mdash to just name a few One of my acquaint-ances was even a hired killer He
actually assassinated two reputed crime bosses in Ontario and is now serving a lengthy sentence for those and other killings
But I was drawn to their so-called power and complete disregard for the law Looking back on it I guess I was looking to reclaim the power
that was stolen from me by my abuser
In my early twenties I got a job working with Young Offenders as a Correctional Officer With the money I was making I bought a very nice sports car dated pretty women was extremely materialistic and yet I was never satisfied I worked in corrections for about four years During that time I also began my career in the world of entertainment as a voice impres-sionist and stand-up comedian as well as a co-host of a comedy tele-
vision show I had a tremendous ego and unknowingly had be-come rdquoThe Great I Amrdquo
After a couple of years I moved from comedy to producing and host-ing my own sports television program which aired for ten years I had so much fun and I was able to meet and interview some of sportsrsquo big-gest names
In my mid-20s when the alcohol wasnrsquot medicating my pain any longer I turned to
something stronger mdash COCAINE During a span of approximately ten years the combination of alcohol cocaine and all my poor choices cost me most of my jobs many of my relationships and all my money It drove me to criminal activity po-lice charges a conviction and a criminal record But most of all I
(Continued on page 26)
Alone Uncredited Photo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 26
was lost Glenn was slowly dying inside me I became depressed and despondent and I hated so many people But most of all I hated my-self
I had attempted suicide on a few occasions and I really and truly had a death wish I hated myself so much that on Friday January 16 1998 loaded with a supply of co-caine and booze I booked myself into a hotel room with no intention of coming out alive Friday night and Saturday passed with me drinking and getting high on co-caine After having more cocaine delivered to me on Sunday after-noon there was no turning back mdash or so I thought Approximately at midnight on Sunday I made my final decision mdash it was time for me to leave this stinking world I ingested enough cocaine to kill me and then I barricaded my hotel door and ripped the phone out of the wall I lay down on the bed defeated broken sad guilt-ridden ashamed depressed and scared yet so ready to die
Only Divine Intervention mdash some sort of miracle mdash can explain what hap-pened next The police came into my hotel room at just the right time on Sunday night and took me to the hospital Who called them how did they know to come to my room I donrsquot know Well thatrsquos not completely true Today I am a man of faith and as a Christian I know exactly who orchestrated my rescue
A Victim No More (Continued from page 25)
After a brief stay in the hospital I chose to enter the Hamilton Menrsquos Withdrawal Management Centre where I spent eleven days From there I entered an intensive addic-tion treatment centre for a six-week stay followed by a five and one half month stay at a recovery house
I have been clean and sober since Janu-ary 19 1998
I work the program of recovery intensely I was blessed with some incredible therapists who were able to break through my trust issues my rough exterior and my wall of comedy to allow me to heal I also became involved in the 12-Steps and other support groups through which I have found tremendous friendships and men-toring
Recovery is about making changes Al-though my abuser assaulted me until I was 15 years old I blamed him for all of my problems until I was 33 years old I had to change from being a pro-fessional blamer and liar to a man of responsibility character and in-tegrity It wasnrsquot easy however after many tears and lots of hard work life has gotten much better
Over time and through applying these principles I found peace se-renity and forgiveness and I also
learned how to love myself again Everything that was set in motion to harm me as a young man is now what drives me With Godrsquos help today I am able to live humbly honestly open-minded and willing to do whatever it takes to stay clean and sober while doing what I can to help others who face similar
struggles
Today I serve the Ca-nadian Centre for Abuse Awareness as the Director of the Southwestern Ontario office My mission at hand is to create a task force that will be responsible for build-ing a residential pro-gram for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
I am also the Execu-tive Producer and Host of three popular television programs Good News Sports The Edge and Living Clean Living Clean is the only live weekly interactive television program in Canada
that is designed to assist individu-als who suffer with addiction abuse andor mental illnesses
I also host The Glenn Allan Show on a local radio station in Hamil-ton ON Canada
As a motivational speaker my pres-entation entitled Youth Yak Live has enabled me to speak to thou-sands of youth nationwide since 2000 Through Youth Yak Live I
ldquoRecovery is about
making changes
Although my abuser
assaulted me until I was
15 years old I blamed
him for all of my
problems until I was 33
years old I had to
change from being a
professional blamer and
liar to a man of
responsibility character
and integrity
February 2009
Page 27
Male Survivor Groups (MSG)
By Robert Beacuterubeacute Co-founder MSG
M ale Survivor Groups (MSG) was created by a group of male survivors
of childhood sexual abuse follow-ing the death of a fellow survi-vor in Lon-don Ontario Canada The initial objec-tives were to foster cama-raderie and support for one another and also to obtain proper help
for survivors in the London area
Presently our aim is to help all male survivors and also to make our cause known It is open to all male survivors of childhood ado-lescent and adult abuse We have expanded and have supported the creation of groups across Canada and we are prepared to support the creation of groups throughout the World
Groups have been established in London Vancouver Sudbury and North Bay in Canada
Our beliefs
1 Our groups are for male survi-vors of abuse What is said in the group remains there What is stated must remain confiden-
have developed tremendous work-ing relationships with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police Ontario Provincial Police Crime Stoppers local police agencies young of-fender facilities churches self-help groups and alcohol and drug treatment centres
I also facilitate a weekly peer sup-port group for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
There was a time when I thought I would never get married and that no one could love me for who I am Colleen and I met in 1999 We both have similar pasts We both have worked through our abuse issues and are both clean and so-ber In 2001 my best friend and I married and we now have three beautiful children Ashley Brandon and Christopher Spending the rest of my life with Colleen and our family is a dream come true
The opportunity of sharing Godrsquos gifts and blessings with others is truly an honour and a privilege It is imperative that I never take these things for granted
If I can assist you or someone dear to you please donrsquot hesitate to contact me at the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness Ph 905-594-1581 or email glennccfaacom or visit these websites
wwwabusehurtscom wwwlivingcleanca wwwglennallanca
or write to me co CCAA 38 King St East PO Box 66614 Stoney Creek ON L8G 5E5
(Continued from page 26)
tial Anonymity is of the utmost importance unless the survivor has gone public But intimate details of the public person must also remain confidential Confidentiality must be assured
2 We are in the group to heal and to support each other
3 We are male survivors who want to heal and help others in the process We can be as young as 16 or as old as old can be
4 Our primary purpose is our own safe being Secondary purposes are the betterment of services for male survivors and the advancement of our cause
5 We fight on so that we may grow in solidarity
6 We are not a religious group We do use different models of functioning in our different sub-groups Ours is a healing group for more than one prob-lematic issue
7 We encourage partnerships with organisations businesses and agencies that foster the creation of services for male survivors of abuse
We have created a Facebook Group which is also open to FRIENDS who support our cause Our group is establishing partnerships with other male survivor groups in Canada and worldwide You can contact us through the Facebook page or by emailing me at berube55yahooca
Support Groups
Robert Beacuterubeacute
Vol 2 No 2
Page 28
The CCAA By Ellen Campbell [ellenccfaacom]
Founder and Executive Director Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness
A s some of you know the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness (CCAA) is a
national non-government charitable organization dedicated to eliminat-ing child abuse through advocacy education public awareness and prevention programs With help from community and corporate partners the CCAA provides accessible support healing and indi-vidual empowerment for adult survivors their fami-lies and caregivers through over 20 programs Those that listen to classic rock station Q107 in the To-ronto region will recognize us as their charity of choice through Derringerrsquos Thir-teen Days of Christmas campaign
Based in Newmarket On-tario the CCAA is an active and vibrant organization that in addition to its variety of program offer-ings is also involved in public safety advocacy That advo-cacy started with the early release from prison of one of the perpetra-tors in the Maple Leaf Gardensrsquo child sex abuse scandal Many surviving victims were traumatized again this time by the system The
CCAA went public with its concerns that day and the public safety advocacy program was born
Later the CCAA wrote a sweeping report titled Martinrsquos Hope named in memory of Martin Kruze (the first victim to courageously go public with the story of his abuse at the Gardens and who later tragi-cally took his own life) that made 60 recommendations for legislative and policy change to the criminal justice system These recommenda-tions were gleaned from round-
table discussions with over 150 front-line criminal justice system professionals crime victims and survivors To this day members of the Kruze family sit on the CCAA Board of Directors
After the initial public release of the Martinrsquos Hope report in the fall of 2003 I knew that if repairs were to be made to the criminal justice system advocacy would have to be accelerated That advocacy began in earnest in early 2006 with the hiring of John Muise a volunteer with the CCAA and previously a Toronto police officer with signifi-cant experience in legislative and policy advocacy The hire coincided with new political winds blowing in Ottawa The CCAArsquos full-time public
safety program was born
Relationships already in existence were strength-ened new ones were made and the CCAA intensified its advocacy with politi-cians stakeholders and other decision makers In addition the CCAA courted media attention recogniz-ing the opportunity to get our message out
That advocacy included the preparation of written briefs in support of testi-mony before a number of decision making bodies including several appear-ances before the House of Commons Justice Commit-tee
ADVOCACY REWARDED The last three years have brought success on a number of fronts Progress on the criminal justice reform front is rarely if ever the result of one person or just one organization advocating for
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoMartinrsquos Hoperdquo in Memory of Martin Arnold Kruze From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 29
government Although there are specific circumstances under which the age of consent is 16 (or 18) the general age of consent remained at 14 For many in the child protection
world this has been a shame of what is otherwise a devel-oped and civilized land The fight is finally over with the passage and Royal Assent of this legisla-tion in July of 2008 This is a victory for the many people that fought the good fight and most importantly this law allows prose-cution of those adult predators who choose to sexually exploit 14
and 15 year old children
Review of federal corrections policy
In 2007 the federal government ordered an independent review of the federal corrections and parole system The CCAA attended the announcement of that review and subsequently appeared before the review team and provided detailed written recommendations for change The final report included a number of recommendations that the CCAA provided including those contained in Martinrsquos Hope A rollout of some report recommen-dations has already started includ-ing a pilot project for the use of electronic monitoring on serious and violent offenders who are on parole in communities
(Continued on page 30)
Dangerous offenders Having someone declared a dan-gerous offender is very difficult to do In fact there are fewer then 400 declared dangerous offenders in the country This amendment makes it easier to bring a dangerous offender application for a serious repeat con-victed offender before the court The end result should be we hope the detection and declaration of more dangerous offenders Dangerous offender designation is for life and results in indefinite lock-up of the offender with periodic judicial reviews
Community protection orders
Also known as ldquoSection 810rdquo orders they allow the state to monitor the activities of certain subjects mdash no longer under some form of sen-tence or other judicial release but still considered a danger mdash to be placed on a judicial order similar to a bail with control and monitoring conditions The legislation explicitly expands the controls that can be usedmdashfor example electronic moni-toringmdashand extends the length of the order from one year to two
Age of protection For longer than people care to remember advocates have fought to raise the general age of consent from 14 to 16 years of age Until recently those voices have been largely ignored by the federal
change but no one can deny the important roll played by the CCAA in advancing these reforms These are all original recommendations contained in the Martinrsquos Hope report The results as they say speak for themselves and include but are not limited to the follow-ing
Mandatory minimum sentences for Internet chi ld abuse offences
Over time courts have increasingly relied on so called ldquohouse arrestrdquo provisions (see section immediately below) when sentencing offenders found guilty of Internet child abuse and similar kinds of serious child exploitation offences The sen-tences were often way out of pro-portion to the gravity of the crimes Minimum sentences were legislated for a variety of crimes with the net effect of eliminating the ability of the court to impose ldquohouse arrestrdquo
Conditional sentences of imprisonment
Better known as ldquohouse arrestrdquo this measure brought in over a decade ago was being imposed by the courts for ever more serious of-fenders and offences Many violent and dangerous offenders were allowed to serve their term of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo at home Justice and public safety were compro-mised by this provision Although the Bill that finally passed was watered down significantly by opposition party demands the end result was a tightening of the cir-cumstances under which a sen-tence of this kind could be given
ldquoAfter the initial public
release of the Martinrsquos
Hope report in the fall
of 2003 I knew that if
repairs were to be made
to the criminal justice
system advocacy would
have to be acceleratedrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 30
munity committees and inquiries including the Federal Inquiry pre-sided over by Justice Major into the Air India bombing
Moving forward We are delighted to report that John Muise our Director of Public Safety has recently received a Governor-in-council appointment as a full-time member of the Na-tional Parole Board effective in May of 2009 Although this is a big loss
for the CCAA we are thrilled for John and we know that he will bring the same com-mitment to public safety in that position as he did with the CCAA We wish him the very best in this new and challenging role
Much progress has been made in the past three years with
more anticipated The federal gov-ernment has signaled its intention to finish the work it started and attempt a further repeal of condi-tional sentences of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo They have also said that they in-tend on amending certain aspects of parole legislation and moving on tightening up security (including drug interdiction) in federal prisons
As we kick off 2009 the CCAA has the following priorities
Enhanced training for law enforcement off icers involved in chi ld abuse
investigations The introduction of provincial ldquosafe havenrdquo legislation that would pro-
vide a distressed mother who has given birth (within 72 hours) to take her baby to a place of safety (for example fire station police station hospital emergency) no questions asked and drop the baby off The purpose is to avoid the unthinkable mdash dumpster aban-donment murder at birth This legislation exists in all 50 of the United States but has yet to to be introduced in this country
Parole reform In addition the CCAA will work with partners on two parole and corrections recommendations They include legislating breach of parole as an offence for which a police officer has a power of arrest Com-plimentary to this the replacement of statutory release (automatic release after serving two thirds of a sentence) with regular earned parole Both recommendations were included in the final report of the Corrections Review Team and had been provided with others by the CCAA
We at the CCAA believe that much has been done on the criminal justice reform and public awareness front We are grateful for the pro-gress thus far and proud of the part we have played in moving the public safety agenda along
There is still much work to be done and the CCAA will step up to carry on this most important work
Selection of judges In recognition of the importance of the justice selection process the federal government has recently expanded the scope of people selected to sit on the regional Judicial Advisory Committees tasked with vetting potential ap-pointments and providing recom-mendations to the federal Attorney General and Minister of Justice for final selection Although still dominated by judges and lawyers a wider variety of voices and minds is now part of the selection proc-ess This is welcome news I am one of those voices I sit on one of the regional committees itrsquos an appointment we can all be proud of
Gun crime and other victim focused matters
Although outside the specific man-date of the CCAA (and not included in the Martinrsquos Hope report) in recognition of the impact on com-munities and particularly at risk children and youth the CCAA also appeared before the House of Commons Committee in support of mandatory minimum sentences for serious gun crimes and for amend-ments that tighten up the bail system for those charged with serious gun-related offences
In addition several crime victim supportive briefs were prepared for a number of safe school and com-
The CCAA (Continued from page 29)
ldquoWe at the CCAA hellip are
grateful for the progress
thus far and proud of
the part we have played
in moving the public
safety agenda alongrdquo
February 2009
Page 31
higher than its current statistical significance would suggest I would suggest itrsquos about one in four of the men I deal with 25 compared to the 16 suggested in the cur-rent literature If you allow for the fact that many of the men I work with have come from dysfunctional families that have been dysfunc-tional for generations the higher rate of incidence will hardly be surprising
I really had no idea when I started this job that I would have a head-
on collision with CSA No idea at all I was in my pre-survivor life My own past experi-ences were like a dormant volcano Sure some smoke would puff out every now and then for no readily apparent rea-son but no major eruption But as I heard more and more stories told by men in their own abyss of despair and self loath-ing things started to bubble within me
I remember the first man who disclosed to me He did not really intend to He started to tell part of a story and I just knew I just knew What he did say was part of an institutional abuse situa-tion that gained public awareness in the media After that story broke many men came forward as well to tell their story of how they too were abused as boys in a school
Inside
By Geeders (Jim)
W hen I was first asked to write about my experi-ences working in a jail I
wasnrsquot really sure what I could say about it Can I say this or should I say that Was it going to be really negative or show promise of better days ahead And what about me mdashthe new me mdash dealing with issues of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) at the same time as the men I see and work with How the hell was (or is) that going to work Well it is a work in progress after all and one that seems to evolve as I change and as I become more comfortable with my own sense of a new self
Let me begin by saying that there is nothing in this article that would meet the rigours of clinical dissection Equally important I do not work with sexual offenders What I am going to say is purely my experience based on personal observation No scientific analysis can be attributed to it apart from what we already know or suspect One in six men will have been sexually assaulted or abused by the time they are 18 It has long been opined that the number of abused men is actually
setting that was really a cover for juveniles in trouble with the law
The inmate I was working with did not come forward at that time He couldnrsquot His disclosure to me was the first time he had ever said anything about his abuse No one else knew mdash no one He was alone His pain was palpable and obvious His shame and guilt were profound Never had he admitted to himself what had happened in that school let alone admitted to a total stranger until that very moment I listened to his pain tried to console him just let him cry Eventually over the course of a couple of interviews it became obvious to me why he was in jail Any self-esteem that he had as a boy or young man was destroyed by his abuse His very essence was rewritten by the men who had abused him Teens get into trouble but they can also learn to later stay out of it by fol-lowing the teachings of those they trust But for this young man his ability to trust was destroyed by the very people who were sup-posed to care for him nurture him and dare I say it love him appro-priately What was even more tragic is that this man came from a cul-ture that has low tolerance for anything that even remotely resem-bles homosexuality
Being abused sent this man on a downward spiral that ultimately turned him into a drug addict by his own admission a junkie who hated himself for what ldquohe had
(Continued on page 32)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoOver the course of
several related careers I
have seen a lot of good
being done Irsquove also
seen a lot of ugliness
that even by todayrsquos
standards defies the
most common
sensibilities we have as
human beingsldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 32
donerdquo His shame and guilt and culture prevented him saying any-thing about what happened It cut him off from any legal action that might take place and removed any sort of financial compensation that he might gain as a result of his abuse It eventually cut him off from his own family because his drug abuse prevented him from working and supporting his wife and family It destroyed his ability to be a good dad and husband A few years later I saw him back in jail again
When I did encounter him again it was with an in-creased sense of awareness within me Every time a man disclosed to me that he had been sexually abused or assaulted I started to die inside A little piece of me just died every time a man said to me what I could not say to myself or anyone else That dormant volcano started to fume a bit more regularly
Over the course of several related careers I have seen a lot of good being done Irsquove also seen a lot of ugliness that even by todayrsquos standards defies the most common sensibilities we have as human beings It exists Itrsquos around every corner if we choose to look at it Along with the ugly we have the good We have people who are willing to take a stand and come forward to say to the world ldquoWe
Inside (Continued from page 31)
have a problem here itrsquos not going to go away and it needs to be fixedrdquo I had the good fortune to meet many of these people last year at a conference on male sex-ual victimization By then I had been able to learn from the men that I serve that perhaps I too could learn to tell someone Could I be a survivor too
Men in jail are there for a reason Whether itrsquos to protect society while they await trial or from
themselves or while sentenced they are here Whether I think they should be here is irrelevant They are usually at the end of their ropes Their lives are upside down and in turmoil They are frequently in withdrawal from illicit drug use They are in the bottom of a pit from which there does not appear to be an escape or refuge They are desperate and will act desperately
if needed They are angry and no longer have any control over their lives Someone has taken that control away from them They have no choice but to comply Failure to comply results in loss of privileges which can include being prohibited from contact with those they love the most Forced co-habitation with other men can evoke strong memories of prior abuse which they cannot deal with let alone understand It can be isolation
They are alone and cannot speak about their issues for fear of being discovered and further stigmatized and trau-matized by a peer group that cannot tolerate differences or diversity
I have been fortunate in that for some reason men trust me and feel safe and able to disclose And when they do you can see the relief on their faces They are scared for sure but it has always seemed to be a relief I have to ask them I have no choice because itrsquos part of my job But now as a survivor myself I can tell them they are not alone I cannot tell them about me but I can tell them they are not alone that they
are among the approximately one in six men who are assaulted or abused when they are boys or young men I can tell them about the few resources we have avail-able for men which are a 100 improvement compared to what they had when they first walked into my office I tell them about MaleSurvivor and have MS posters up in my office I can tell them that
ldquoTougher than lsquoNamrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 33
Maybe not I prefer to think that I have shown them that there is hope There is life in being a survi-vor they donrsquot have to be held hostage any longer by a secret that was put upon them by an abuser I prefer to think that I have been able to show them that they do not have to be ashamed for being male When I speak with them Irsquom a straight shooter I calls rsquoem as I sees lsquoem I use words they can understand mdash street language mdash which helps them understand their bodies and to understand that Mother Nature made them to be reactive and responsive I tell them that simply because their bodies reacted that their bodies re-sponded while being abused did not make the abuse their fault It takes a while to get there at times But the relief when the penny drops and they realize that they themselves were in no way respon-sible for the abuse is quite remark-able
Just this week Irsquove been working with a man who actually smiled when he came into my office He said ldquoI finally get it It wasnrsquot my faultrdquo He then went on to tell me that immediately prior to his at-tending in my office he had just disclosed to his sister while on the phone in his jail area surrounded by other inmates While it was perhaps not the safest venue for a disclosure he made his own deci-sion He said he was taking control As a 35 year old this man has not been in control since he was first abused at age seven Subsequent abuse only reinforced for him that he was an object a thing not worth anything Relationship after relationship failed him as he con-tinued to relive issues of abandon-
there are over 6000 people regis-tered at MS and that when they get out they will find tremendous support at the MS website I can tell them about Weekends of Re-covery without disclosing that attending a WOR was one of the best things I have done with my life They will know that they are no longer alone And not once has anyone asked me directly about me If they did I could not reply which in a round about way is a reply But I cannot reply Why The institution that I work in can be as intolerant of differences and diver-sity as the inmates are of each other The whole notion of male abuse and assault simply does not exist It is not spoken of It will not be spoken of mdash until now
Because abuse is now spoken of I have been able to create a support network for inmates and for myself Itrsquos a small step but a step never-theless Itrsquos spoken of now at a level never before reached in terms of official support and direction Support has yet to be defined but I have a mandate now to do a better job for male survivors Itrsquos on paper Itrsquos my goal
Safety of all concerned has to remain first and foremost mdash safety for the inmate safety for me With inmates disclosing to me often for the first time I am struck by what happens next A huge can of worms is opened And for what There is little safety here little opportunity to follow up The court system tosses these men around like dice One day they are here the next they are God knows where Have I done something that perhaps I shouldnrsquot have Maybe
ment physical and sexual abuse sexual orientation confusion anger management substance abuse domestic violence self respect low self esteem boundaries mdash these and much more impact upon this man daily But hersquos making a start Itrsquos another chance We all need them
I would be remiss to not mention the support of my colleagues Some of them do know about me and they have been tremendously supportive and understanding They too share a belief that it is possible for men to become survivors I cannot imagine doing this work everyday without their ongoing support I love you guys
The resources I refer to are few the Menrsquos Project in Ottawa The Gate-house in Toronto as well as local sexual assault centres I discovered on my own road to recovery that our local sexual assault centre does in fact offer services to men but does not advertise this due to the fear of being inundated with refer-rals They simply are not equipped to handle what surely lies out in my community When the report of the Cornwall Inquiry comes out later this year it is my belief that it will force our government our society to re-examine how its treatment of boys and men is provided Hope-fully those who are like I was feeling alone fearful uncomfortable in their own skin will feel more enabled to come forward to shed that skin that was put on them by their abuser(s) and step out of the ordinary letting their souls ascend and become free
Vol 2 No 2
Page 34
A History of Male Survi-vor Services in Queacutebec
and First Nations Communities
By Caroline Benamza (dance and drama therapistpsychotherapist at CRIPHASE)
And by Benoicirct St Jean (Director of CRIPHASE)
Contact Tel +1-514-529-55-67 Email infocriphaseorg
Website wwwcriphaseorg
T he latest statistics in Queacutebec show that one out of every six men has been sexually
abused before the age of 18 but there are very few statistics regard-ing male survivors and this estima-tion is only based on reported abuse Most adult men or boys who are survivors go unnoticed because most of the services in Queacutebec are exclusively for women In 2008 the male population in Queacutebec was about 3800000 of which about 3000000 are above 20 years of age (from the Institut de la Statistique) Therefore we can estimate that in Queacutebec there are around 500000 male survivors actually visible within the different health care services justice system and police departments The num-ber is already frightening for a seemingly peaceful society like Queacutebec When it comes to Native American communities as many as 80 of boys have been sexually abused before the age of 18 This number is quite similar mdash but for different reasons mdash to the male population within the Federal or Provincial prisons
The reality of male survivors of sexual abuse in childhood has remained in the dark for years in Queacutebec and it is only in the last four years that the government has acknowledged the necessity of funding counseling services for male survivors Historically it can be explained The first services for survivors have been developed since the 1960s within the very strong Queacutebeacutecois feminist move-ments The women have built along the years a strong network of ser-vices for female vic-tims of sexual abuse and domestic vio-lence Today these services still exist as the CALACS (Centres dAide et de Lutte contre les Agressions agrave Caractegravere Sexuel = Sexual Assault Cen-tres) network for survivors of sexual abuse Due to a strong belief in pro-viding a safe haven for women survivors men were turned away from these services and had nowhere to go Only two survivorsrsquo centres in the Montreal area outside the CALACS network welcomed men but those men represent only 5 of clients
This situation became obvious when the CAVAC (Centre drsquoAide pour les Victime drsquoActes Criminels = Crime Victims Assistance Centres) started to provide counseling ser-
vices to victims of criminal acts who wished to press charges and go through a court procedure The first services in Queacutebec for male survivors therefore came from a strong need in the society In 1996 the CAVAC decided to fund an experimental program directed by Denis Reneacute to offer a support group for male survivors This program was named the PHASE Groups (Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = For Men Sexually Abused in Child-
hood) With the suc-cess of these first groups between 1996 and 1997 the CAVAC of Montreal tried to secure funding for the continuation of services Unfortu-nately the PHASE Groups suffered from the double status it carried within the government the Minister of Justice that was the main funder of the CAVAC refused to fund a counseling service supposedly to be funded by the Health Minister Later the Health Minister turned down the
funding because as part of CAVAC the program should have been funded by the Minister of Justice
So it was in 1997 that Denis Reneacute decided to secure the future of the PHASE Groups by registering them
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoWhen it comes to
Native American
communities as many
as 80 of boys have
been sexually abused
before the age of 18
This number is quite
similarmdashbut for different
reasonsmdashto the male
population within the
Federal or Provincial
prisonsrdquo
February 2009
Page 35
intimacy and sexuality issues) and PHASE Artistique (a 10 weeks art and movement therapy program) with a holistic approach to body and mind recovery
In 2008 the very first weekend of recovery (named PHASE Weekend) was created and CRIPHASE wishes to make the weekend an annual event In 2003 for the first time
CRIPHASE became a full member of the Table de Concertation en Agressions Sexuelles (a gathering of several organizations providing services to survivors in addition to representatives from the Justice the Health Minister and the police) This cooperation allows a better understanding of survivor issues and needs as well as a better coor-
within a non-profit organization that took the name CRIPHASE (Centre de Resources et drsquointervention Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = Resource and Intervention Centre for Men who have been Sexually Abused in Childhood) For 10 years the Groups have survived on pri-vate funding and have provided two recovery Groups called PHASE 1 and PHASE 2 Each PHASE is a 10-week program serving non-offending male survivors over 18 years of age and of all sexual orienta-tions With its first public funding in 2004 of $38000 a director was en-gaged by the board of administration and in 2008 the PSOC (a funding body within the agency of Health and Social Services) fi-nally secured the future of CRIPHASE with a first major funding rooting CRIPHASE in the circle of sexual abuse survivors centres
Since 2006 CRIPHASE has devel-oped a major politics of visibility through the media conferences and meetings with the different actors of the Queacutebeacutecois stage Three more programs have been developed within CRIPHASE PHASE Conjoint (for partners of male survivors) PHASE Sexo (a 10 weeks program of recovery focusing on
dination of services on the ground From within the Table CRIPHASE has been able to educate people on the issue of male survivors and participate or initiate projects such as the Information Guide for Sexual Assault Victims and the first pre-vention mobilization and aware-ness march for sexual abuse survi-vors in 2008 The presence of CRIPHASE at the Table has also
allowed the feminists within the CALACS to have a better under-standing of the suffer-ing of male survivors who are also victims in their own way of an old patriarchal system CRIPHASE was also finally incorporated in the CALACS coordina-tion groupmdashcalled Table des CALACS mdash in 2008
Until 2008 there were no services provided in English (Queacutebec is a French-speaking province where Eng-lish speakers are a minority) due to lack of funding to translate the PHASE 1 docu-ments and employ English-speaking therapists The project
to offer groups in English had been put aside for years but finally in 2008 the first groups of PHASE 1 and 2 opened for English speakers The PHASE Artistique and PHASE Weekend are now bilingual pro-grams
(Continued on page 36)
Phone calls received at CRIPHASE
male survivors
therapists
relatives and loved ones
other
The average male survivor using the services at CRIPHASE is aged between 35 and 55
Vol 2 No 2
Page 36
Male survivors in the Native American
communities Recovery programs within Native American communities are only starting Many Native American men were sexually abused as well as psychologically and emotionally abused when they were sent to boarding schools across the province for assimila-tion The effects of this traumatic experience (including historic trauma) can be seen in all First Nations of Queacutebec Algonquians Cris Innus Abenakis Innuits Micmacs and so forth Today there is a strong need of heal-ing for this lost gen-eration but traumatic experiences and con-sequences have been passed on to the next generations Unfortu-nately sexual abuse is one of these problems which need to be addressed through prevention and coun-seling in a way that will integrate Native American traditions and their holistic ap-proach to medicine Such programs already exist within some communi-ties Organizations like GRIPMA (Groupe de Recherches et dInter-ventions Psychosociales en Milieu Autochtone = Research and Inter-vention group in Aboriginal Com-munities) located in the Huron
History of Male Survivor Services (Continued from page 35)
community of Wendake (near Queacute-bec city) provide a clinical expertise in intervention within Native Ameri-can communities On the other side the Aboriginal Healing Foun-dation based in Ottawa is currently funding 16 recovery projects for the First Nations in Queacutebec ad-dressing sexual abuse addiction prevention of suicide boarding schools trauma etc until 2010
Last year the publication of the five-year funding plan on sexual abuse by the provincial govern-ment of Queacutebec has seen the recognition of male survivors as a population in great need of ser-vices It has also recognized the necessity of providing services to the First Nations communities
Things are changing in Queacutebec for male survivors Because CRIPHASE is the only organization providing support and counseling to men in Queacutebec who have been sexually abused in childhood there is great hope for an increase of funding this year The constant develop-ment of CRIPHASE and the increase in phone calls and numbers of guys within the services (in 2008-
2009 there will be seven groups of PHASE 1 in-stead of five the year before) also show that men in Queacutebec are get-ting the right information on sexual abuse and services and are being encouraged to look for help and engage in re-covery
If you are one of these men in Queacutebec we are waiting for your call Remember you are not alone
For the annual march event please visit wwwmarchevasca (Information for the May 2009 march will be on line from February 2009)
Quilt Square by a Native Child from Alberta From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 37
MaleSurvivor is men surviving sexual abuse in Canada we will start with Canadarsquos sad legacy of abuse of children by clergy
A Brief Incomplete Canadian History
In Canada our First Nations People have had to bear the legacy of abuse they endured in Canadarsquos notorious residential schools Cur-rent issues of addictions and family and mental health problems amongst our First Nations people can be traced back to the legacy of abuse experienced by Native chil-dren in residential schools
Around 1874 the federal government began working with the churches (Catholic Anglican United and Presbyte-rian) to set up the Residential School System as a means to suppress Native cul-ture and promote assimilation In gen-eral children between the ages of five and 16 were taken from their parents and sent to church-run residen-tial schools The extent of the abuse in these church-run schools has been referred to as the ldquoCanadian Holocaustrdquo Recently the Canadian Government formed the Truth and Reconciliation Commis-sion (TRC) as part of the court-approved Indian Residential Schools Settlement Agreement The
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious
Leader By Nancy N Mayer MSW RSW
Partner Crisci amp Mayer Consultation Counselling and
Training Toronto wwwckmconsultationcom
Introduction
L ikely all the readers of this newsletter have knowledge and expertise about men
being physically sexually and emotionally abused Research tells us that abusers can come from any
walk of life and most often are known to the child or adult In the last decade abuse by clergy has finally ldquocome out of the closetrdquo so to
speak thanks to those brave survi-vors who have made public their experiences of being abused by clergy More than ever survivor groups are encouraging victims to report these crimes to the police and to consider seeking civil re-dress for their injuries Many groups believe that change in churches will only come when they are held accountable for the abuse perpetrated by clergy
This article will attempt to address the distinctive issues that are com-mon to this population of survivors Because the focus of this issue of
purpose of the commission is not to determine guilt or innocence but to create an historical account of the residential schools help people to heal and encourage reconciliation between Aboriginal and non-aboriginal Canadians
The notorious Mount Cashel Or-phanage is another Canadian leg-acy of sexual abuse by clergy This facility was operated in Newfound-land by the Christian Brothers More than a dozen priests were convicted after decades of abusing young boys at the orphanage
Mount Cashel Or-phanage closed in 1989 just six months after allegations of sexual physical and emotional abuse were published by the media (For more in depth information see Harris Michael Unholy Orders Trag-edy at Mount Cashel Ontario Viking Press 1990)
Like the US there have been hundreds and perhaps thou-sands of cases of children and vulner-
able adults abused by clergy in every religious denomination Unlike the US our country is not bound as strictly by statutes of limitations so lawsuits can proceed more freely Our sentences for convicted clerical sex offenders are
(Continued on page 38)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Nancy N Mayer
ldquo[First Nations] children
between the ages of five
and 16 were taken from
their parents and sent to
church-run residential
schools The extent of
the abuse in these
church-run schools has
been referred to as the
lsquoCanadian Holocaustrsquoldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 38
nowhere near as severe as those of our American neighbours Most first offenders will not serve a day in jail The civil awards for personal inju-ries are also quite low Our court system promotes set-tling these cases out of court When a case fails to go to trial it is not part of the public re-cord The widespread use of confidentiality orders media fatigue and Canadian reserve means that it is impos-sible to obtain accurate statistics on how often men are abused by clergy or even the ex-tent of the problem in this country
The Authority of Rel igious Leaders Religious organizations have always played a central role in our so-cieties They provide moral ethical and spiritual guidance Reli-gious teachings have given us a context and meaning for our lives Most religious belief revolves around a divine power or God Religious leaders (ministers priests rabbis elders nuns) are thought to be Godrsquos earthly repre-sentatives and are treated with reverence and respect They have intimate involvement with families and children at such vulnerable times as an illness death or other family crises They may have access
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 37)
to confidential information by virtue of their roles of confessor or counsellor A child brought up by religious parents is taught to re-spect these men and women Oth-ers associated with churches mdash choir leaders teachers cantors youth group leaders mdash are also considered trustworthy by virtue of their close
association with their religious organizations Most parents en-courage their childrenrsquos participa-tion in church-based activities believing them to be safe and wholesome
These leaders are considered to be esteemed authorities and as repre-sentatives of God wield a great deal of power Depending on the faith group there may be teachings
that support an unquestioning adherence to their instructions and guidance This makes children and vulnerable adults particularly sus-ceptible to exploitation by this group because they have access opportunity and trust
Misuse of Power Perpetrators can utilize their positions of power and trust to gain access to their victims some-times for extended periods of uninterrupted time They may tell children that they are being asked to ldquoserve Godrdquo or that they or their families will be punished if they do not do as instructed Chil-dren may be threatened with eternal damnation or blamed for leading the religious leader into sin If the religion con-siders premarital sex or same sex contacts as sinful the guilt will be compounded
In most cases the victim will not disclose or may disclose but not be
believed A child will have a difficult time convincing adults that he or she has been victimized The vic-timrsquos family culture or communi-ties have been socialized to see their religious leaders as unques-tionably good and incapable of lies This can lead to others denying or minimizing the victimrsquos experience of abuse The victim is initially harmed by the abuser and then is revictimized by those who cannot
ldquoMay Hope be Passed through Every Handrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 39
institutionrsquos response and lack of compassion and pastoral care
The Impact on Spir ituality
The frequently used term ldquosoul murderrdquo aptly describes what hap-pens when the abuser is a religious leader When the response of the religious institu-tion to a disclosure of abuse is experienced as self-serving and uncaring the survivor will likely lose his faith in the religious community of which he has been a part To belong and to feel connected is a basic human need When abused by clergy the loss of connection and belonging to what may have been a spiritual anchor can be devastating
To compound the harm the abuse may have occurred in a religious building The abuser may have worn traditional cleri-cal attire or may have made religious or biblical refer-ences As a result being exposed to religious symbols music or any other reminder can trigger flashbacks and other uncomfortable physical symptoms
The cleric is often considered Godrsquos representative on earth This gives the cleric power that surpasses his position and status When abuse is at the hands of a minister nun
accept that their spiritual leaders are capable of abuse There are many stories of clergy abuse survi-vors being abandoned by their religious communities (who side with the cleric) and their families who cannot face leaving the church that has given their lives meaning and comfort The resultant feelings of betrayal and abandonment are profound
The Role of the Religious Inst itutions
When religious institutions hold themselves up as ethical compasses and arbitrators of right and wrong society has an expectation that church leaders will act in a fair and moral way Many US Commissions and Grand Juries and Canadian reports such as the Winter Com-mission Report (Archdiocese of St Johns Newfoundland Canada 1990) Child Abuse in Community Institutions and Organizations and Improving Public and Professional Understanding (prepared for the Law Commission of Canada) all record and explain the dynamics that have lead to the failure of religious institutions to protect our children
While it is well known that any institution mdash educational recrea-tional or spiritual mdash is not immune from having sex offenders in its midst the religious institutions have a particular legacy of protect-ing the institution through aggres-sive legal tactics versus truth telling and reconciliation Many victims state that they have been less wounded by the actual abuse and profoundly more damaged by the
priest rabbi minister or elder the recipient of the abuse may experi-ence profound guilt for ldquoparticipatingrdquo in ldquosinfulrdquo behaviour mdash a mistaken belief that he is respon-sible for the abuse or shame that
he has ldquosinnedrdquo He may believe he is deserving of rejection or eternal damnation If he confesses he risks exposing the cleric who has likely done what he could to trick the victim into believing that he must maintain silence and secrecy One survivor describes feeling that rdquoIt was like being abused by God him-self If even God couldnrsquot love me how could anyone else ever love merdquo
These factors alone can leave a man who has been abused by clergy unable to find comfort and solace in what used to be his spiritual beliefs and his church Without these familiar beliefs the survivor is aban-
doned and alone when he most needs support
The Role of Gender While woman are ordained in some denominations there is still an imbalance of power between men and women in many religious tradi-tions For boys and men abused by male clerics embarrassment and
(Continued on page 40)
ldquoThe frequently used
term lsquosoul murderrsquo aptly
describes what happens
when the abuser is a
religious leader When
the response of the
religious institution to a
disclosure of abuse is
experienced as self-
serving and uncaring
the survivor will likely
lose his faith in the
religious community of
which he has been
a partrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 40
concerns of how they will be per-ceived promote silence For the boy or man abused by a female cleric there may be worries that he will be labelled the seducer or pres-sured to consider this ldquorelationshiprdquo as non-abusive
The study conducted by the John Jay Col-lege of Criminal Jus-tice regarding The Nature and Scope of the Problem of Sexual Abuse of Minors by Priests and Deacons in the Catholic Church (Washington DC USCCB 2004) found some very disturbing information about the age and gender of victims The largest group of reported victims (509) was between the ages of 11 and 14 273 of victims were 15 to 17 16 were eight to 10 and nearly 6 were under age seven Overall 81 of vic-tims were male and 19 female Male victims tended to be older than female victims Over 40 of all victims were males between the ages of 11 and 14
The largest group of reported victims in this study consisted of boys who were entering puberty This is a tumultuous time in most
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 39)
young menrsquos lives To have this period of development disrupted can contribute to many mental health problems including lack of confidence disruption of emo-tional sexual and psycho-social development isolation sexual identity confusion depression anxiety and abuse of substances
In Summary The harm experienced by those
who are abused by clergy is profound and multifaceted Some therapists will not want to work with survivors of clergy abuse due to the complexity of their issues their limited knowledge of the subject area possible religious biases and potential for litigation Most (but certainly not all) survivors will have experienced revictimization by their churches or religious institutions This compounded by abuse by a religious leader in a position of power will under-standably lead to unique challenges Survivors will have
significant trust issues that can impede the forming of a trusting therapeutic relationship with a therapist who will also be in a position of power and may be an employee of an institution With transparency and skill on the part of the therapist and tenacity on the part of the survivor effective thera-
peutic partnership can be achieved While recovery is difficult it is possible
The irony is that many survivors of abuse by clergy have a strong sense of integrity morality and perseverance They learned the lessons that the ldquoreligiousrdquo offend-ers failed to learn At the core of their beings these clergy abuse survivors are the prophets who have come to speak the truth and reveal the abuse and the decep-tions It is this desire for social justice truth telling belonging and connection that will allow a healthy spiritual belief system to rise out of the ashes of what has happened It is this healthy spiritual belief that makes many clergy abuse survivors persistent and tenacious in seeking recovery and social justice They are making a difference and chang-ing the world as we know it
ldquoThe harm experienced
by those who are
abused by clergy is
profound and
multifaceted Some
therapists will not want
to work with survivors
of clergy abuse due to
the complexity of their
issues their limited
knowledge of the
subject area possible
religious biases and
potential for litigationldquo
February 2009
Page 41
tion of it earlier in the lsquo90s but 1997 is when there was a critical mass of mostly male survivors coming forward and taking action against Maple Leaf Gardens Your question specifically was ldquoDid it play a role in my choice of ca-reersrdquo
MS Yes
SJ Yes and no The Maple Leaf
Gardens cases were not my first sexual assault cases but my in-volvement in these cases solidified my interest and desire to help sur-vivors
MS Could you take a few minutes to explain to our readers just what the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal was and why it has played a central role in revealing the extent of sex-ual abuse at least in the Toronto area
of my clients will say something like ldquoYou know this is not about the money I donrsquot care how much I get this is about something elserdquo And whatever that person seeks mdash an apology or the empowerment of filing a lawsuit or a million other unique things mdash that is why I do this kind of work Itrsquos about helping people through whatever process they need in order to begin that healing process the moving forward process
MS And also to provide your clients with a sense of justice
SJ Absolutely Justice is really not about the money itrsquos about the knowledge that theyrsquove come forward theyrsquove done something and theyrsquove empowered themselves It takes a tre-mendous amount of courage to do that I am always in awe of my cli-ents for the amount of courage they have They are my inspiration
MS Many Americans are unaware of the so-called Maple Leaf Gar-dens sex scandal that began some-time in the 1960s but didnrsquot come to wide public attention until 1997 the year after you began practicing law Did this scandal have some affect on your choice of career
SJ Actually the scandal did come to prominence before 1997 There was scattered media atten-
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 1)
SJ Sure There was a series of men who were employed at Maple Leaf Gardens which was the home of the Toronto Maple Leafs mdash the hockey club mdash who over a period of a couple of decades sexually abused probably hundreds of chil-dren It started in the lsquo60s it went on we believe until the early lsquo80s There were two principal men in-volved but there were at least three
others who also were ac-cused In order to under-stand why the Maple Leaf Gardens sex scandals are as important as they are you have to understand that hockey in Toronto and hockey in Canada is almost a religion Hockey is to Canadians what the NFL or Major League Baseball is to Americans Every little boy dreams of about becoming the next Wayne Gretzky becoming the best hockey player he can be Maple Leaf Gar-dens was the home of one of the best loved and biggest hockey teams mdash the Toronto Maple Leafs The Gardens was the high
temple of hockey in Canada and still is In the lsquo60s lsquo70s and even the lsquo80s children mdash mostly boys mdash would go to Maple Leaf Gardens usually unaccompanied by their parents because back then nobody really thought that anything bad would happen to them at the Gar-dens The boys would go there ei-ther for practice games or to watch the Maple Leafs play or more likely they would go to watch To-
(Continued on page 42)
ldquoMaple Leaf Gardens in Memory of Martin Kruzerdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 42
ronto Marlies games The Marlies were the farm team for the Toronto Maple Leafs During these games and these practices the pedophiles who worked at the Gardenrsquos would often befriend these boys seeking out boys who were more vulner-able than others most likely and would sexually assault the boys sometimes off-property but most often within the Gardens itself They would use their position as employees of the Gardens to be able to say to the boys if you come with me Irsquoll get you a broken hockey stick or hockey puck or Irsquoll get you into better seats the next game or whatever other type of inducement would be necessary to get the boys to go with them into either a washroom or a training room or other private place where the boys would be sexually abused
In 1997 there were about 50 or 60 cases all joined to-gether and Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Entertainment Ltd wanted to settle all the cases prior to the Toronto Maple Leafs moving into a new hockey rink called the Air Canada Center so as to have a clean slate at the new rink By and large a lot of the litigation was fin-ished before the team moved into the Air Canada Center but not all of it In fact there are probably 17 or 19 cases going through the court
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 41)
system today more than 10 years after the original large group of plaintiffs went through the court and I believe that new people will continue to come forward when they are strong enough
MS I understand that one of the principal plaintiffs in the case Mar-tin Kruze had settled with the owners or the operators of the Ma-ple Leaf Gardens in 1995 and that he signed a confidentiality agree-ment not to reveal the settlement
or perhaps even the details of what had happened to him Do you think that the confidentiality agree-ment Mr Kruze agreed to slowed down or hindered the full exposure of this scandal
SJ I think that any confidentiality agreement blocks public access to knowledge and to understanding so I do suspect that Martinrsquos confi-dentiality agreement did have some impact on the scandal re-
maining hidden for as long as it did Absolutely yes I believe that confidentiality agreements are in-herently difficult for plaintiffs be-cause they create and continue a cycle of secrecy Sexual assault is a crime that is almost always carried out in secret and the guilt and shame it produces is key in helping pedophiles maintain their hold over their victims Putting a confidential-ity agreement on a settlement just perpetuates the guilt and the shame
MS Unfortunately Martin Kruzersquos principal perpetrator received a shockingly light sen-tence for all his actions and I understand that this led to Martin com-mitting suicide shortly afterwards
SJ I would think that the perpetratorrsquos sentence was a part of why Martin chose to end his life yes It hap-pened relatively shortly after the sentencing and I suspect that it weighed heavily on Martinrsquos decision
MS Do you think that the sen-tence that the perpetrator received was a reflection of the then current attitude towards pedophiles and sexual abuse
SJ The sentence that the perpe-trator received was a reflection on the way that the Canadian justice system deals with criminals regard-ing personal crimes absolutely It was a very low sentence in keep-
Imants Kruze visiting his sonrsquos memorial quilt square in the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 43
obtain here versus how much they can obtain in the United States In the United States there is no cap for pain and suffering awards whereas here in Canada there is a very small cap mdash about $325000 If a survivor of sexual assault goes through the court system and even if they have a very good day in court in terms of compensation yoursquore probably looking at an award for dam-ages somewhere be-tween $200000 and $500000 Sometimes itrsquos actually less than $200000 and very very rarely more than $500000 so in that sense we are defi-nitely behind But I donrsquot think itrsquos a question of waiting 10 years to see if we ldquocatch uprdquo I think itrsquos just a fundamental difference in how our court system works and whatrsquos available to survivors in terms of compensation
If you mean that Canada is 10 years behind in dealing with other aspects of sexual assault then you are probably correct in terms of media attention public awareness and outrage Sexual assault is still largely an unreported unprose-cuted crime But things are getting better every day and as more and more survivors come forward posi-tive changes will continue to hap-pen
MS As Irsquom sure you know therersquos periodic discussion about tort re-
ing with what was handed out at the time and to a large extent itrsquos still in keeping with what is handed out right now
MS Are you still representing or have you represented anyone who is a plaintiff in this scandal
SJ I was very much involved in the core group of Maple Leaf Gar-dens survivors that came forward in 1997 I was on what was called the plaintiffsrsquo committee back then which was a group of a few lawyers who brought the litigation forward I represented a number of plaintiffs in the original group that came forward I have also represented quite a few men throughout the last 10 years and currently repre-sent two men in the last group of plaintiffs to come forward I have also been approached by at least two other men who may decide to pursue litigation
MS Dale English mdash who has spo-ken to you at some length mdash has said to me that either you or he or both of you have felt that Canada is perhaps 10 or more years behind the US in dealing with the issues of sexual abuse and sexual assault Could you elaborate on that com-ment
SJ I think it depends on what you mean by dealing with the is-sues If you mean dealing with the issues in terms of bringing civil cases forward to a certain extent we are behind One of the funda-mental differences between the United States and Canada is the way that our tort systems operate and specifically the amount of compensation that tort victims can
form in the United States mainly aimed at capping punitive dam-ages Irsquom wondering whether there is the mirror of that in Canada mdash whether therersquos any movement to-wards tort reform that would allow greater awards to victims
SJ Well there is and there isnrsquot In Canada itrsquos very difficult if not
impossible to get pu-nitive damages espe-cially if therersquos a criminal conviction The punitive damages that are available in Canada are very low A typical punitive damage award would be $20000 or $25000 - usually not much more than that So damages are quite restricted here in any event In terms of tort reform I think there is a global push by in-surance companies to
try to limit compensation whether in the States or here The things that the American Association of Justice are fighting for down in the States are the same things that the Ontario Trial Lawyers Association are fighting for here mdash the continued ability to sue for compensation un-hampered by legislative roadblocks benefitting powerful institutional defendants to the detriment of those who have suffered Ours is a much smaller playing field and therefore less money is at stake In terms of plaintiffsrsquo lawyers wersquore trying to maximize the compensa-tion that we can get for our client Every time we go to court we try
(Continued on page 44)
ldquoIf you mean that
Canada is 10 years
behind in dealing with
other aspects of sexual
assault then you are
probably correct in
terms of media
attention public
awareness and outrageldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 44
to get a higher damage award so that that case will be a building block for future cases There are always attempts to try to circum-vent the cap on pain and suffering damages that we have Itrsquos not an easy thing to do the cap has been in place in Canada for 32 years now It was put in place in 1977 by the Supreme Court of Canada and itrsquos unlikely to be overturned any-time soon Even though from a purely theoretical legal analysis that cap does not apply to pain and suffering damages for victims of sexual assault and sexual abuse the reality is that judges still use that cap as a high water mark even though it doesnrsquot formally apply mdash it is still a de facto cap and to be honest with you it is almost impos-sible to get anywhere near that cap for compensation for pain and suf-fering A typical pain and suffering award in Canada for childhood sex-ual abuse is somewhere between $100000 and $200000 Anything on top of that would be associated economic loss or care costs
MS Itrsquos quite unfortunate that even though therersquos no real cap the law behaves as if there were one
SJ Yep I couldnrsquot agree with you more Itrsquos very unfortunate
MS I understand that in 2005 the government of Ontario convened whatrsquos known as the Cornwall Pub-lic Inquiry Was the Inquiry con-vened to address the issues of sex-ual abuse and sexual assault and
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 43)
the way the justice system is han-dling it
SJ Thatrsquos probably one of the reasons the Inquiry was convened Thatrsquos one of the hopes The In-quiry was convened because of what was going on in a little city east of Toronto mdash a series of allega-tions against very prominent mem-bers of that community involving the sexual abuse of children over a period of many many years The idea behind the Inquiry is to try to figure out what happened and to put in place some recommenda-tions that will not only stop some-thing like the abuse in Cornwall from happening again but will also try to help those who were affected by the events in the first place And to some extent I think some good will come of the Inquiry Hopefully the recommendations will be good for survivors of childhood sexual abuse or any kind of sexual assault The Submission phase of the In-quiry officially ended late February 2009
MS Did you have the opportunity to testify before the Inquiry
SJ I did not personally testify before the Inquiry Testimony was generally limited to the people ac-tually involved mdash police officers vic-tims what not I was involved in the Inquiry with regards to a panel discussionroundtable that they had regarding the use of confiden-tiality agreements
MS As you probably know Male-Survivor was first founded in the early 1980s by a group of thera-pists who were concerned about support for victims of childhood
sexual abuse and although Male-Survivor is still not a very large or-ganization it has increased its in-fluence significantly over the years and Irsquom wondering whether there is a similar non-profit or other group in Canada that also is dedi-cated to helping victims of child-hood sexual abuse
SJ There are some grass roots organizations that deal with victims of childhood sexual abuse or adult sexual assault I donrsquot believe there is as cohesive a unit as MaleSurvi-vor I may be wrong on that but there are smaller more community based organizations that assist sur-vivors That being said resources available to survivors are unfortu-nately pretty limited
MS Is that because there are too few therapists in that form of prac-tice
SJ I think itrsquos a mixture of many different things First of all Canada has a much smaller population base mdash 30 million people as com-pared to 300 million in the United States mdash so you have significantly fewer people affected and there-fore you have significantly fewer resources available to those people The services that we do have will often have very long waiting lists before people can access them There are some very very good counselors in Canada assisting sur-vivors but unfortunately the waiting lists are sometimes long and the availability for public funding to provide services free of charge is somewhat limited
MS Is there anything in your opinion about the Canadian health
February 2009
Page 45
system that contributes to the scar-city of services
SJ I donrsquot know if itrsquos the Cana-dian health system I think that in Canada we have a pretty good public health system in the sense that anybody who needs medical services can access those services free of charge The problem is that a lot of these services are not covered under our health system per se Many are covered under either private plans or pay as you go type services and itrsquos just a question of finding the people who can provide these services and being lucky enough to get them when they either donrsquot have a waiting list or other-wise having to wait until your name comes up on that waiting list
MS And that could takes years in some cases it seems
SJ My understanding is that those waiting lists can be quite long but there are very good peo-ple out there Itrsquos just a question of finding them and being able to afford them
MS Can you elaborate on other differences between the US and Canada that affect the way survi-vors and perpetrators are treated by the legal system and the media
SJ The differences between Can-ada and the US are really huge On the surface Americans and Canadi-ans look pretty much the same dress the same talk the same eat the same foods and by and large watch the same TV but culturally there is a huge difference in the way we look at the world in the
way our legal system works and the way that people interact with one another
Americans are much more litigious by na-ture I think this is due to the fact that in the United States mdash at least as seen from the outside mdash the rights of the individual are paramount In Can-ada less so Canada is much more commu-nity-oriented We of-tentimes think about how something is going to affect others instead of looking at what an individual might be entitled to I think that the high
damage awards available through the American legal system are beneficial in sexual abuse cases as is the lack of a cap on awards which we have
In some ways though our legal system is much better for my cli-ents than the US system would be because of the way that our actual process works One of the things that I know is very damaging to a lot of plaintiffs in the United States is the whole discovery process tak-
ing depositions Depositions can go on for a huge number of days and pretty much everybody in the per-sonrsquos life can be called to give a deposition That is very troubling and painful for people who donrsquot necessarily want others to know about their abuse or donrsquot want to involve their family Here in Canada depositions mdash or what we call the examination for discovery mdash are lim-ited to the actual named parties in the lawsuit The defendant and the plaintiff are examined for discovery or deposed if you will Anyone who is not an actual party to the litiga-tion can only be discovered under court orders and itrsquos very difficult to get those court orders so in that sense itrsquos a much quicker cleaner process and less intrusive on some-onersquos life So that is probably a good thing
The other really huge difference between the two systems which I think does in fact impact on why a lot of these cases settle as opposed to going to court and oftentimes settle for very different amounts of money than they would if they went to court is that in Canada we have a ldquoloser paysrdquo system If you go to court and you lose you have to pay at least a portion of the fees incurred by the other side Letrsquos say the defendantrsquos settlement offer is $100000 If the plaintiff does not accept that $100000 and at trial the plaintiff gets $99000 then the plaintiff has to pay the lawyerrsquos fees of the defendant because the award is less than the settlement offer That is very difficult That means that a lot of cases are set-tled for probably less money than
(Continued on page 46)
ldquoOn the surface
Americans and
Canadians look pretty
much the same hellip but
culturally there is a
huge difference in the
way we look at the
world in the way our
legal system works and
the way that people
interact with one
anotherldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 46
MS I join you in that hope Any-thing that can advance the cause of not only helping people but also helping prevent further abuses is always going to be welcome If you could set forth a vision of how you would like to see the law and the therapeutic community in Canada evolve to handle matters of child-
hood sexual abuse and sexual assault mdash if you could influence the reform of institu-tions what would your vision be
SJ Oh Richard Wow Well first and foremost I would love to raise public aware-ness of this issue for various reasons I think that increased public awareness will not necessarily reduce the instances of abuse but will help improve how abuse is dealt with when itrsquos ongoing and after-wards Itrsquos very im-portant that when a child is hurt that
child knows that he can go to peo-ple for help and support All too often if kids get up enough cour-age to tell someone the reaction they get is not very positive I think that with increased public aware-ness hopefully people will under-stand that there are ways to deal with this that will decrease the amount of harm so public aware-ness is paramount
I would like the legal system to raise compensation awards for sur-
turning point in bringing to the publicrsquos attention that the sexual assault of children can happen does happen and itrsquos a very diffi-cult thing for anyone to go through whether theyrsquore little boys or grown men that were abused as children It brought childhood sex-ual abuse out of the shadows to a certain extent The scandal still garners media attention as new survivors come forward but not the same as it did 10 years ago
MS Would you say that the lack of inves-tigative reporting is a cultural phenomenon or is it that the news-papers donrsquot feel they have that role
SJ Oh no Canadian newspapers do feel that they have a role in investigating things but for whatever rea-son sexual abuse of children has not been a priority The Cana-dian media really has not been at the forefront of this issue the way the media in the United States has been and I think that is tremen-dously disappointing The lack of media attention means that we arenrsquot fostering the awareness within the public that we need in order to provide real help and ser-vices for survivors We need the mediarsquos help to bring this horrific crime to light and to help stop it from happening
they would get if they went to court because that risk of going to court and not getting at least the amount of the original offer weighs heavily on everyone Our system is designed and geared toward avoid-ing trials which can be good be-cause nobody really wants to go through a trial but can be bad be-cause people become very intimi-dated by the prospect of losing or not getting as much as the settle-ment offer and being indebted to the defendant for a lot of money Thatrsquos a scary scary thing to go through
With regards to the media the US has a media that by and large has helped out a lot with sexual abuse cases The whole issue of clergy abuse really started with investiga-tive reporting by the Boston Globe right
MS Right
SJ They really took that issue and just ran with it Here in Canada we really havenrsquot had the same kind of investigative media cover-age as yoursquove had which is why events like the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal are not as huge as they are down in the States
Before Martin Kruze committed sui-cide the media was only somewhat interested in the Maple Leaf Gar-dens scandal Martin Kruze was a figure because he had sued the Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Com-plex But after he committed sui-cide the media was really galva-nized and that was probably a
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 45)
ldquoThe lack of media
attention means that we
arenrsquot fostering the
awareness within the
public that we need in
order to provide real
help and services for
survivors We need the
mediarsquos help to bring
this horrific crime to
light and to help stop it
from happeningrdquo
February 2009
Page 47
ments but it canrsquot at this stage really happen through the courts
I would want there to be an ability for institutions or perpetrators mdash de-fendants mdash to look beyond mere dollars and cents and look toward healing the person that they have hurt either directly or indirectly All too often in these cases we really become tied up in the legal minu-tiae of things as opposed to defen-dants saying ldquoOK letrsquos step back here and letrsquos try to helprdquo
I wish that there were a real under-standing that these cases are not car accident cases and they should
not be treated as car accident cases My clients are not people whorsquove broken a leg and therefore need X amount of dollars in order to pay for medical services or whatnot And unfortu-nately that doesnrsquot necessarily happen
In terms of the thera-peutic community I would love to see counseling and therapy ses-sions be paid for through the pub-lic purse so that people who re-quire the services of highly-skilled counselors and therapists and psy-chologists can access those services without having to pay for them A lot of clients just donrsquot have the economic means to pay for such services until after they get a set-tlement and that could take years It would be wonderful to see those kinds of services funded the same way as a trip to the emergency room or a trip to your family doc-tor for a cold is funded Irsquod love to
vivors The amount of damage that can be done as a result of child-hood abuse or in fact any kind of sexual assault is tremendous It affects almost every aspect of someonersquos life It becomes inter-generational because it affects the people around the survivor and compensation awards are still very much a pale reflection of what is needed in order to help these peo-ple I hope that at some point our judges and our legislature under-stand that need and can corre-spondingly give appropriate and reasonable damage awards so that people can start to rebuild their lives in a meaningful way
I would love there to be an opportunity within our civil system for more than just compensation At this stage the only thing that a civil judge can do is award monetary compensation There are a lot of creative things that you can do within a settlement that are not purely fi-nancial that can give a lot of sol-ace to someone who has been abused whether that be in the form of some non-financial healing whether it be in the form of a situation where somebody can con-front their abuser if thatrsquos what they wish to do in a safe setting or whether itrsquos the ability for that sur-vivor to do something outside of pure simple dollars and put for-ward some sort of healing plan that is as individual as they are That can happen through settle-
be able to see that I think that that would go a long way to helping people earlier rather than later
Ultimately I wish that this situation didnrsquot exist anymore and I would be put out of business frankly
MS Well I can certainly sympa-thize with the way you feel but it would seem that you have a career ahead of you dealing with this problem
SJ Unfortunately I think you are right I think that instances of child-hood sexual abuse are not neces-sarily going down I think that insti-tutions are getting a little bit better at putting in place policies and sometimes even following their own policies to stop pedophiles from entering those institutions and preying on people that those insti-tutions are theoretically set up to serve but I think that as long as the problem of childhood sexual abuse is with us I will be out there trying to help anybody that I can
MS Is there anything else yoursquod like to say to our readers
SJ I think that organizations such as MaleSurvivor are imperative in helping people understand that they are not alone that itrsquos not their fault and there are ways to get help So hats off to an organi-zation such as yours The clients I have who are involved in your or-ganization are very very well served so I have to thank you for being a resource
MS Thank you very much for your kind comments and for your time Simona
ldquoUltimately I wish that
this situation didnrsquot exist
anymore and I would be
put out of business
franklyrdquo
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-
Vol 2 No 2
Page 2
Weekends of Recovery
Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS
Weekends of Recovery Eh
By Howard Fradkin PhD
Chairperson Weekends of Recovery
T his past November MaleSur-vivor was thrilled to return to Canada for our second Cana-
dian Weekend of Recovery and we received an incredibly warm wel-come It was truly an international weekend with 14 participants from Canada one from Great Britain and two from the US Hearing all those
accents was fun (including learning the proper way to put ldquoehrdquo at the end of a sentence) but more than that it was thrilling to witness and facilitate
and participate in the amazing healing work men at the weekend did in supporting one another The weekend could only have been possible with the help of several Canadian organizations including the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness The Dioceses of Lon-don and especially the help of Tom Wilken and the Silence to Hope Project and especially the help of Lynne MacDonell Hildie Jacyk our other Canadian facilitator was also a huge help in getting the word out and assisting us with the many logistics of the weekend Daniel
and Eric from Windsor offered tre-mendous support to the men in their group assisting them in par-ticipating fully in the weekend as well Mysthaven Retreat Centre provided us ample space and a beautiful setting in which to do this important work
For the facilitator team this was a trial weekend with regard to returning to Can-ada as wersquove had trouble in the past attracting Canadian men to the weekends The overwhelming success of the week-end assures us that Canada will be a regular stop on the MaleSurvivor WOR agenda This success has been bolstered by the addition to the team of Rob Hawkings (see accompanying article by Rob on page 12) who we are thrilled to welcome as well Rob who hails from Deep River Ontario brings many years of experience as a counselor and psychotherapist He has trained many therapists throughout Canada in working with male survivors in individual and group psychotherapy He has spe-cialties in trauma resolution and addictions including sexual addic-tions and he also has worked ex-tensively in programme develop-ment
The team is in the final stage of deciding when and where the next Canadian weekend will be and we
hope to announce this within the next month on the website So stay tuned
I hope that the courage of each man who attends a Weekend of Recovery will inspire those of you
who have not yet given yourself the gift of a weekend experi-ence Our team learns from every single manrsquos experience at the weekends we are profoundly touched by the absolute de-termination we see in the faces of each man who refuses to be taken down by the abuse he suffered We celebrate the amazing changes we witness even in the short
span of the 51 hours we spend to-gether
The Canadian weekend again re-minded us of the most important aspects of each weekend
Being in a group with no judg-ments
Being in a group where every manrsquos voice is valued and every manrsquos needs are given the re-spect each man deserves
Being in a group where inti-macy is not just discussed it is experienced and embraced
Being in a collective space where it really is possible to
(Continued on page 7)
Howard Fradkin
ldquoI hope that the courage
of each man who
attends a Weekend of
Recovery will inspire
those of you who have
not yet given yourself
the gift of a weekend
experienceldquo
February 2009
Page 3
Event Calendar
Weekends of Recovery
Date Type Place
March 27-29 2009 Level 1 Sequoia Retreat Center Ben Lomond California
May 15-17 2009 Level 1 Center for New Beginnings Dahlonega Georgia (1 hour north of Atlanta)
September 11-13 2009 Advanced
Alta Lodge Alta Utah (outside of Salt Lake City Utah)
The Advanced Weekend is only open to men who have participated in at least one Level One MaleSurvivor Weekend of Recovery
October 23-25 2009 Level 1 Hope Springs Institute Peebles Ohio (SE Ohio fly into ColumbusCincinnati or Dayton)
Conferences and Workshops
Date Place Description
Workshop 1
April 23 2009 7pm
Plymouth Congre-gational Church 232 E Onodaga
Syracuse NY
An Evening with Mike Lew MEd A free community event no pre-registration required
Interpreter service provided by Fair Access for the Deaf
Workshop 3
April 25 2009 800am - 400pm
Plymouth Congre-gational Church 232 E Onodaga
Syracuse NY
A Full-Day Workshop with Mike Lew For adult non-offending survivors of sexual abuse
Cost $20 (includes lunch) Pre-registration requested No one will be turned away due to inability to pay
Event Calendar Continues on Page 4
Men Hurt Too Healing from Sexual Abuse A 3-day event for survivors friends family allies partners professionals and those who care
3 workshops are available Register at Vera House
Workshop 2
April 24 2009 830am - 1200pm
Tucker Missionary Baptist Church 515 Oakwood Syracuse NY
A Half-Day Workshop with Mike Lew For professionals practitioners and interested others
Cost $20 Pre-registration requested No one will be turned away due to inability to pay
Vol 2 No 2
Page 4
Event Calendar (continued)
Conferences and Workshops
Date Place Description
May 1-3 2009
Center for New Beginnings
129 Center Point Dr Dahlonega GA
Possibilities in the HomestretchmdashAn Experiential Weekend for women survivors of sexual abuse who are beginning to thrive and
want more joy more freedom more personal power Led by Joanna Colrain and Mikele Rauch For more information con-tact Joanna at (770) 220-4059 or Mikele at mikelerauchgmailcom
June 8 2009 930am - 430pm
Ontario Science Centre Talus
Room 770 Don Mills Rd Toronto
Ontario
What Every Victim Treatment Provider Needs to Know about Offender Thinking and Risk
This workshop led by Anna Salter PhD will address common ways offenders confuse trick and manipulate victims and the implications on treating victims who struggle with issues of responsibilities and reporting Sponsored by Crisci amp Mayer For more information call (416) 480-1611 ext 223 or email trainingckmconsultationcom
August 14-16 2009 800am - 500pm
Doubletree Hotel Bradley Interna-tional Airport 16 Ella Grasso Turn-
pike Windsor Locks CT
The Twelfth Annual Ritual Abuse Secretive Organizations and Mind Control Conference
The goal is to help stop future occurrences of ritual abuse to help survivors of ritual abuse to name the groups that have participated in alleged illegal activities and to unite those working to stop ritual abuse For more information visit the conference website or email smartnewsaolcom Pre-registration is preferred
September 21-26 2009
Town and Country Resort amp Conven-tion Center500
Hotel Circle North San Diego CA
The 14th International Conference on Violence Abuse and Trauma
Promoting Peace in the Home Your Community and the World Link-ing Practice Research and Policy Across the Lifespan For more infor-mation visit the conference website or call (858) 627-1860 ext 4030 or email ivatconfalliantedu
March 18-21 2010
John Jay College of Criminal Justice 899 Tenth Ave-nue New York
NY
MaleSurvivor International Conference Relief Healing and Hope for Male Survivors
For adult male survivors of sexual abuse their friends family and loved ones clinicians attorneys law enforcement professionals legal advocates researchers educators students and those who care Watch the MaleSurvivor website for information about being a pre-senter as well as a list of the speakers being lined up The 2010 con-ference promises to be as always a transformative experience
February 2009
Page 5
Connecting the Dots By Dale English MS CAS
I have a very distant memory of being in the first grade in a small New Hampshire town
sitting at my one-piece wood and iron deskchair and being exposed to multitasking for the first time by Sister Mary George She gave me a paper covered with a mass of dots each with a number next to it The task was to connect the numbered dots in ascending order with straight lines If done correctly a
picture would ap-pear serving both as proof of mastery and as an object waiting to be coloredmdasha prize for onersquos efforts Uncon-sciously I must have
been channeling this moment of history as I crisscrossed Canada through emails and phone calls meeting each of the contributors of this Issue and discovering yet again that the first frame of a perception is often quite different from the last
The first dot on this journey be-longed to the woman I think of when anyone says the word ldquoCanadardquo to me Toronto therapist Lynne MacDonell of the Weekend of Recovery team provided her vision of the challenges faced by
survivors in her country and the first of the names that would ac-company each of the next few dots I was led to John Muise and Ellen Campbell from the Canadian Center for Abuse Awareness who write in this issue about the legisla-tive role in abuse Tom Wilken therapist and author who facilitates support groups for men Jim Hall facilitator from the Menrsquos Trauma Group Program in Scarborough Ontario Glenn Allan a local radio personality who facilitates a support group for male survi-vors J A a survivortherapist who serves in an area necessitat-ing confidentiality and Robert Hawkings a psychotherapist who is the newest member of the Week-end of Recovery program
The dots that followed came with names like Bruce Jordan David and Robert all alumni of the WOR program courageously willing to share some of their journeys with our readers Then the newest mem-ber of the MS newsletter team Mark H volunteered to take on the massive task of locating sup-port groups and other services for male survivors across Canada It was then from Mark that we re-ceived the name of the person who would be this Issuersquos front page interview attorney Simona Jellinek From Simona came the name of psychotherapist Nancy Mayer who
works with survivors of clergy sex-ual abuse and from Nancy came the name of Robert Beacuterubeacute who founded a male survivor Facebook page facilitates groups and advo-cates for services for male survivors Everyone mentioned thus far is
from the province of Ontario However a dance and movement colleague from France Caroline Benamza who also works in Queacutebec province provided our final dot repre-senting our French speaking brothers who are serviced by an organization called CRIPHASE My at-tempts to connect with men and women
whose efforts lie with serving First Nations people and their survivors from residential schools were un-successful Their stories will be told the next time we visit Canada in a future Issue of the newsletter
What a journey it has been for me to meet and converse with such wonderful and committed men and women all focused on doing what they can to make a difference in the life of men who were once innocent little boys These are ordinary people doing extraordinary things as they shed light on crimes against the most vulnerable of humanity on a scale that equals some of worldrsquos worst moments Let this Issue of the newsletter
(Continued on page 7)
Just a Thought
Dale English
ldquoLet this Issue of the
newsletter serve as the
screaming voice that
every survivor wished he
had possessed to call for
someone to enter the
room and stop the
abuserdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 6
By Richard Cleverly
O n a cold October morning in 1997 Martin Kruze a courageous young man
who had been an inspiration to thousands of sexually abused Cana-dian men leapt to his death from Torontorsquos Bloor Street Viaduct Three days earlier his abuser of many years (and the sexual abuser of many other boys) Gordon Stuck-less had been sentenced to two years plus a day for his crimes mdash a mere slap on the wrist and more
than Martin could bear
Eight months ear-lier 35 year old Martin Kruze went public with his harrow-ing story of his sexual abuse most
of which occurred between 1975 and 1982 in Canadarsquos high temple of hockey Torontorsquos Maple Leaf Gardens In 1993 Martin sued Ma-ple Leaf Sports and Entertainment the operator of the Gardens which settled with him for $60000 in re-turn for his silence about what had happened to him and others at the Gardens
Four years later and a month after another hockey-related story of sexual abuse broke in the national media Martin decided to end his silence Martinrsquos story galvanized the media and shocked and out-
raged the Canadian public as no other revelation of sexual abuse had In the months that followed Martin used his ldquocelebrityrdquo to begin working to help his fellow survi-vors many of whom still credit him with helping save their lives But tragically his good works and the adulation he received did little to alleviate the terrible pain and suffering the rage and self-hatred and the profound despair that had led him to attempt sui-cide several times previously
A few months before his death Martin visited Michael Irving PhD the creator of the wonderful Child Abuse Survivor Monument in To-ronto Martin wanted to contribute his own ldquoquilt squarerdquo to the Monu-ment and arranged to work on it that fall Martin died before he could make his contribution how-ever with the assistance of Martinrsquos brothers Dr Irving made a death cast of Martinrsquos hand and sculpted a portrait of Martin from the family photo above His father Imants Kruze named the finished work ldquoMartinrsquos Hoperdquo which later be-came the title of a policy document published by the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness recommend-ing comprehensive reform of the criminal justice system (see page 28)
I have chosen to grace this publica-tion with several images of the beautiful and poignant bronzed quilt squares from the Monument
Although Martinrsquos tragic story did much to help raise awareness of male sexual abuse and assault in Canada and prepare the ground for reforms much work remains to create an integrated system of care for abused men The contributors to this special Canadian issue of the MaleSurvivor newsletter ndash care providers and advocates attorney Simona Jellinek who seeks justice for survivors and the men who tell their stories ndash share a common goal of advancing the cause of boys and men who have suffered so much at the hands of predators including First Nations people who were vic-tims of the ldquoCanadian Holocaustrdquo (see page 37)
I extend my deepest gratitude to you all
Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze
Richard Cleverly
Martin Kruze
February 2009
Page 7
serve as the screaming voice that every survivor wished he had pos-sessed to call for someone to enter the room and stop the abuse We have just scratched the surface in this effort to respond to the men of Canada So much more is needed and networking is at the center of any successful effort I would ask all our Canadian readers to contact one of these contributors and ask what you could do in this most worthy endeavor And take heart because when all the dots are connected a picture appears It is the picture of compassion and hope It is a picture of many pic-tures and they all have names And theyrsquore waiting for you
Connecting the Dots (Continued from page 5)
reclaim onersquos life and the free-dom to thrive and not simply exist
Being with other men who will absolutely provide support to one another no matter how different they may be in terms of history esteem country of origin abuse history masculin-ityfemininity or sexual orienta-tion and
Being in a safe enough space to speak to move to sing to breathe deeply to create with or without formal artistic train-ing to listen and to connect
Our next weekend mdash March 27-29 mdash will take place at the Sequoia Re-treat Center in Ben Lomond Cali-
Warm Welcome (Continued from page 2)
fornia nestled in the redwood madrone and tan oak forest of the Santa Cruz Mountains As of the third week of February we have 21 registrants with room for 28 I am not sure how many spaces will be available when you receive this so if you are interested jump in fast And if you are too late remember we have three more Level One weekends this year Dahlonega outside of Atlanta May 15-17 Hope Springs in SW Ohio Oct 23-25 and then our yet to be an-nounced weekend in Canada For those of you who are alumni you have already received our first sur-vey to help us plan the Advanced Weekend (open to any man who has attended a Level One WOR) slated for the beautiful Alta Lodge in Alta Utah outside of Salt Lake City September 11-13
Weekend of Recovery 27 at Mysthaven November 2008
Vol 2 No 2
Page 8
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Sexual assault will always be an individual experience however I think we have all witnessed via the media that when a man comes forward with his experience of sexual abuse it often uncovers a mother lode of hidden institutional
or multiple abuses Boy Scouts churches training schools private schools sports teams all flooding our TV screens and our minds with the troubling stories of scores of men abused over decades I hesi-tate to speculate that the next big exposure of institutionalized abuse will be the reporting of psychiat-ric hospitals That
exposeacute must wait for those institu-tionally traumatized men and women to find their courage and their voices
It has been my experience that pockets of expertise develop in different areas of our country and those victims of abuse fortunate enough to be able to access those resources benefit greatly Beyond those resourced areas men are left living ldquolives of quiet desperationrdquo
In 2004-2005 the Menrsquos Project in Ottawa received some time-limited funding to compile a list of thera-peutic resources and programs for male survivors A great beginning but unfortunately resources ran out and the website had to be shut down
At our clinic in Toronto Ontario Canada we run three treatment groups a week for adult men who were sexually traumatized as chil-dren This year mdash 2009 mdash the program is celebrating its fifteenth year
The difficulty in pre-senting a picture of the state of treatment for men who have suffered from sexual abuse is that there is no coordination of resources at any level in Toronto in Ontario in Canada No one really has the big picture There was a conference held in Toronto last year that illustrated that there are a number of won-derful people and programs across the province that are doing what they can for traumatized men
The spark that got our group pro-gram running was a desperate call in 1992 to SASAT (Scarborough Agencies Sexual Abuse Treatment program) from a man who could find no professional government funded resource to help him deal with his childhood trauma In To-ronto we have the ldquoBlue Bookrdquo a listing of social service resources that is the size of a medium sized cityrsquos phone book In all those many pages there was half a page listing resources for men who were either alcoholics or abusing their wives
Reflections from Canada
By Jim Hall
Wolfwood Canada
wolfwoodcanadarogerscom
I was asked by MaleSurvivor to give some reflections on my experience as a therapist dealing
with male sexual traumatisation in Canada
I began my professional journey in 1985 working in a childrenrsquos De-tention Centre I worked with street kids through Covenant House in
treatment classrooms and for the past fifteen years in a hospital-based clinic Over the past three years I have become increasingly involved with
the Inuit of Canadarsquos Arctic dealing with issues of trauma including cultural trauma
In 2005 I wrote Creating Courage Search amp Rescue a manual for people in the caring professions who deal with trauma and anxiety In March of 2005 I began present-ing ldquoInside the Male Mind Identify-ing Resistance and Opportunity in the Treatment of Boys and Teen Guys Who Have Experienced Sexual Abuserdquo throughout the province of Ontario
Jim Hall
ldquoThe mass of men lead
lives of quiet
desperation
What is called
resignation is confirmed
desperationrdquo
mdashHenry David Thoreau
1854
February 2009
Page 9
One of our shining resources in Canada is the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness Headed by Ellen Campbell the CCAA has always been a strong advocate and sup-porter of men who have suffered sexual trauma It coordinated Mar-tinrsquos Hope which was a public forum supported by the Toronto Maple Leaf organization under the direction of General Manager and hockey great Ken Dryden Sadly Martin Kruze who blew the whistle on the Maple Leaf Gardens abuse scandal committed suicide but because of his courage many men found the strength to seek help
Like the United States Canada is a country of many cultures To understand where Canada is at in its response to the sex-ual abuse of males we have to be aware of different culturesrsquo take on the idea of ldquowhether or not males can be sexually abusedrdquo Strange question to all that will be reading this newsletter but I have talked to men of various cultures whose isolation is magnified by the cultural belief that ldquoit doesnrsquot happen to black men (unless theyrsquore gay)rdquo or ldquoit doesnrsquot happen in Indian culturerdquo What do you do when an experi-ence that doesnrsquot happen in your culture happens to you
On my office wall hangs a picture of a wolf hiding behind a tree It was drawn by a man who fought
the good fight and lost The feeling of being ldquoutterly alonerdquo over-whelmed him and his life was lost to suicide The stakes can be no higher There are few fights that are harder What keeps me going as a therapist as a man are the brave men who stay the course who push out the darkness finding strength in the company of other men who also fight to reclaim their livesrsquo potential
As a Canadian trauma therapist I am encouraged that our collective culture continues to move forward This past year our Prime Minister
apologized in the parliament of our country to our native peoples who were victimized by the residential school atrocities which mdash for many mdash included sex-ual abuse I have had the honour to work in our high Arctic with the Inuit There I have found a wonderful culture which wants to heal It didnrsquot begin so smoothly though for me Dur-ing my first visit there
while trying to start a menrsquos group the interpreter said to me ldquoItrsquos really offensive that you should come up here and talk to us about our traumardquo In the subsequent years of working together he and I have become friends
In the north and in the south I find the same troubling story Young men lost disconnected caught up in the world of drugs alcohol and
crime desperately searching for a sense of meaning and belonging Although not all have been sexually abused many have Our young men and men in general lack men-tors
In Canada we lack a coordinating organization mdash a rdquoCentre of Excel-lencerdquo mdash that would address the issues specific to traumatized men and could provide research leader-ship and treatment We didnrsquot start using seatbelts in Canada until the government said we had to I be-lieve the shame and embarrass-ment most traumatized men feel keeps many from seeking the help they need A Menrsquos Trauma Centre could say ldquoMen can be sexually abused Men can be traumatized If that has happened to you you can come here We can help You need to come here Things can and will get betterrdquo
As a country are we there yet We are not even close mdash no culture no country is But there are more and more men who are there who have fought the good fight and won They have opened their mouths spoken their truth challenged the status quo and blazed a trail for other traumatized men and boys to find and follow
I believe the tide in Canada is changing Doors of secrecy that have been forced open will not close again Our compassion for traumatized men continues to grow The future has some bright-ness around its edges that wasnrsquot there ten years ago
ldquoTo understand where
Canada is at in its
response to the sexual
abuse of males we have
to be aware of different
culturesrsquo take on the
idea of lsquowhether or not
males can be sexually
abusedrsquordquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 10
this was the case It was discovered that those in control of determin-ing what funding went to what had decided it was not cost effective to have a womenrsquos detox since so few women were over-drinking The committee decided to document the need since many felt that a womenrsquos detox was necessary
In the end the committee was able to document the need and a womenrsquos detox was funded in Windsor Ontario What had hap-pened Many women struggling with a substance abuse problem were hidden and misdiagnosed A similar situation exists with male survivors of childhood abuse This problem is hidden and often misdi-agnosed
The Greater Toronto Area where I cur-rently live is a city of over 55 million peo-ple If we believe the current stats and if we assume that roughly half the population are male and if perhaps one in six boys will have been abused by the age of 16 (and ac-cording to some
experts one in five boys is sexually abused) then there are possibly over 500000 men out there who have experienced childhood abuse in my little corner of the world To be fair we know that some chil-dren report and are heard and helped We also know that some seem to have been able to work it
A Dearth of Services in Canada
By Lynne MacDonnell
Private Practice in Toronto Area +1 (416) 996-4050
A report issued by the United Nations states that millions of children are exposed to
sexual violence each year It cuts across cultures income levels edu-cation levels No country is immune from it The four-year study that encompassed 130 countries was completed by Paulo Pinheiro an independent expert appointed by UN Secretary General Kofi Annan As many as 150 million girls and 73 million boys worldwide are subject to sexual violence each year usually by someone in their family circle said the report A 2002 Canadian study showed chil-dren made up 23 of the popula-tion but accounted for 61 of
sexual assault victimssup1
In spite of this recovery services for male survivors of childhood abuse seem to be limited An internet search for services in the Toronto area yields services for gay bi or transgendered men and a group for men against violence of women While these services are necessary and valuable what about the guys who need to deal with the sexual abuse they experienced as children rather than their sexual preference Apparently there is no lack of need since the above quoted report suggests that boys are just as likely
to be sexually abused as little girlssup2 One might argue that little boys are
even more likely to be abused since access to male children is more readily achieved Common sense suggests that one is more likely to leave their male children with coaches male babysitters male teachers ldquoUncle Ernierdquo and so forth than they would ever leave their young daughters This is in spite of the fact that the majority of the perpetrators ldquoreported as
malerdquosup3 It has often been suggested that incidents of sexual abuse of boys is under-reported
If the abuse of boys is under-reported the need for services may not be apparent As an example of this Irsquod like to tell you a short story In 1977-78 in Windsor On-tario my home town there was a detox centre But it was a male-only facil-ity In those days if a man was picked up for being drunk in a public place he was taken to the detox unless it was deter-mined that he was dangerously close to overdosing or had incurred some sort of an injury in which case he was taken to hospital In that same city a blue collar hard working town women who over-drank and were picked up drunk were taken to hospital if it was deemed that they were in physical trouble But if that was not the case women were taken to Jail At that time a com-mittee was struck to find out why
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoThose of us offering
services are not
connected and donrsquot
seem to know one
another except perhaps
for the few agencies
that do work with menrdquo
February 2009
Page 11
out But we also know that many try but cannot ldquoget over itrdquo much as they would like to Sadly we also know that some end up using addiction and or violence and end up in jail or treatment and never report the abuse (I wonder how many men who are in jail for vio-lent acts have been abused as boys mdash but that is another arti-cle) Some end up dead Where are all these men Are they suffering in silence
Free or close to free workshops for male survi-vors have been offered but few men come out Perhaps the adverts for such offerings are not read by these men or their partners Yet invariably when a man does finally access services he reports the difficulty he has had finding such services Is that too a lack of good PR It seems that the lack of information and the lack of coordinating ser-vices as well as the lack of the ability to document the need have all contributed to the situation we face Those of us offering services are not connected and donrsquot seem to know one another except per-haps for the few agencies that do work with men
In September of 2008 the Archdio-cese of Toronto gave the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness a small grant to help me partner with
others to offer groups for men This has been difficult to accom-plish Despite all the emails sent out only one person responded and unfortunately she is out of the area How does it happen How do those of us working in this field connect collaborate and use each other as referrals and consultants
It is a difficult situation
Originally when asked to write this article about the ser-vices in my area I waxed eloquent about how we are all protecting our little clinical kingdom reluc-tant to share information or lose clients But
upon reflection I wonder if that is true Could it be truer that others like me are busy doing what we do best mdash working with our clients mdash thus leaving less time for what we do not do best investigate and find others working with the same clientele Am I guilty of just that I wonder
The next obvious question is how How do we get out the word that ldquoyou are not the only onerdquo to a man who was abused in childhood As we are aware men often donrsquot get help until they end up in some sort of trouble with relationships addictions or recovering from depression or suicidal attempts Or Jail Sadly they donrsquot get help there except possibly for anger management
Perhaps we can speculate that as more information regarding male childhood abuse becomes avail-able more men will come forward but if they come forward we have to have a network of people to be there It is so difficult for a man to attempt to get help mdash even more difficult if he finds places he has reached out to turn him away because they donrsquot how to help him or where to send him
Irsquove attempted in my limited way to get the message out that men need to know that they are not alone that six out of 10 boys have been or will be abused by age 18 that healing is possible and healing is a private issue Men need not suffer in silence and can stop past abuse from damaging their lives just as MaleSurvivor has helped The trouble seems to be that those who read this are not those who need to read it Too many ques-tions and not enough answers
My only plan at this point is to send the link for this edition of the newsletter highlighting Canada to everyone I can find in the hopes that somehow we service providers can have a conference workshop meeting or whatever to find each other and start working on getting the message out that we are here and we know something about how to help
Endnotes
sup1 UN report reveals ldquoshockingrdquo levels of violence against children
sup2 See httpwwwjimhoppercommale-ab
sup3 This is a discussion for another occasion
ldquoThe Cycle Stoppedrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 12
My Journey to MaleSurvivor
By Rob Hawkings MA
I was asked a few weeks ago if I would write an article for the MaleSurvivor newsletter telling
the story of how I came to be in-volved in working with male survi-vors most recently as the newest member of the Weekends of Recov-ery leadership team My initial reaction was an enthusiastic ldquoNo problem great ideardquo And I do think it is a great idea I remember back to about 1989 when I attended mdash as a par-ticipant mdash my first therapeutic weekend for men who had ex-perienced childhood sexual abuse how difficult it was to trust anyone enough mdash par-ticularly male author-ity figures mdash to talk openly about my experience and feelings and how much easier it was after the leaders had modeled appropriate trust and self-disclosure I see this autobio-graphical article as an opportunity to begin to earn your trust
A few days later it hit me that what I had undertaken was not a one-to-one direct personal exchange or confined to a self-help setting or therapy group or retreat it was go-ing to be published on the Inter-net mdash for anyone to read mdash forever After 21 years of personal recovery
including almost 20 years as a counselor and psychotherapist I am quite comfortable disclosing my status as a survivor and whatever pieces of my story will be helpful in therapeutic settings mdash but this is different This is not contained Ah well as I have been told many times along my journey There are no accidents look for signs of syn-
chronicity and take advantage of opportunities for growth So here goes
Counseling and psychotherapy is a second career for me to which I aspired as a teenager a natural choice given that one of my child-hood roles as the eldest son in an alcoholic home was to be confi-dant and counselor to my suffering mother Looking back it is a very good thing I got diverted from that career path while at university Blind to my personal issues and
without the support and life experi-ence to handle my deeply buried emotions I would have made a terrible mdash and perhaps dangerous mdash therapist I am grateful that I did not revisit this career path until age 39 after I had begun a personal healing journey Up to that point I had managed to achieve an appar-ently successful life (at that time I
was in the corporate business world) but addictive behavior and underlying abuse-related issues had progressed to the point where I was unable to hold my house of cards together I realize now that the ensu-ing marital and pro-fessional melt-down was both unavoid-able and necessary in order for the healing to begin
The high quality of the self-help and
professional therapy I was blessed to experience in the early stages of my own recovery reawakened (on a much healthier footing this time) my passion to be doing that kind of work as a professional Organiz-ing self-help retreats led to training to be an addictions counselor serv-ing a year ldquoin the trenchesrdquo of front-line addictions treatment (invaluable experience) and then working half-time for two years as a therapist in hospital-based psy-chiatric day-treatment programs
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Journey Uncredited Photo
February 2009
Page 13
during which time I began a private practice The part-time private practice filled quickly (and became full-time after two years) with re-covering alcoholics and addicts adult children of alcoholics and increasingly adult survivors of sex-ual abuse
It was while I was working that first year in a menrsquos residential addic-tion treatment facility that men be-gan to disclose to me that they had been sexually abused as boys These emotionally charged disclo-sures were always one-on-one and curiously were occurring way more often with me than with other counselors on staff I say ldquocuriouslyrdquo because I was curious as to why this was happening It was only that same year in context of self-help support and professional help that I ldquoconnected the dotsrdquo between my own sex-ual abuse as a boy and the problems that had developed in my life I did not yet fully understand as I do now that with the highly sensitive ldquoradarrdquo that survivors seem to have these men were recognizing in me an empathetic kindred spirit who would somehow relate to their is-sues To learn to help these men (and to help myself) along a heal-ing path I began to seek out any and all training I could find on the subject
In those early years I learned mostly from women in the feminist movement who had been aware of the impact of sexual abuse for dec-ades and were far ahead of men in helping each other heal Much of what they knew and so generously shared was also useful in working with men There are however ma-jor differences and I was fortunate in connecting with some of the pioneers (Mike Lew among others) who were researching and articulat-ing those differences and how to address them in recovery Over succeeding years I continued to gain experience doing one-on-one
therapy with male survivors and in lead-ing and supervising group-based pro-grams for a succes-sion of Ontario agen-cies Along the way I have been honored to serve as clinical consultant for two treatment handbooks on working with men who have experi-enced childhood sex-ual abuse
A significant experi-ence professionally for me was leaving
my private practice for five years (2000-2005) to work full-time as a Program Development Specialist at Bellwood Health Services a 60-bed in-patient addictions treatment fa-cility in Toronto It was stimulating and rewarding to play lead roles in designing and implementing Can-adarsquos first residential treatment program for sexual addiction and Canadarsquos first truly concurrent
treatment program for soldiers and veterans with substance depend-ency and post-traumatic stress (I like the term ldquoOperational Stress Injuryrdquo adopted by the Canadian military which encompasses the whole spectrum of clinical and sub-clinical combat-related stress disor-ders not just psychiatrically diag-nosable PTSD)
At this point in my life and career (as of 2005) I and my second wife (I have been happily remarried now for close to ten years) have chosen to ldquosemi-retirerdquo to the small town of Deep River Ontario about a six-hour drive north of Toronto where I maintain a part-time private prac-tice providing counseling therapy training and consulting in two of the specialties I am known for re-covery for male survivors of child-hood sexual abuse and sexual ad-diction recovery I also ldquokeep my hand inrdquo in the field of combat-related post-traumatic stress treat-ment by working two days a week as an addictions counselor at a large nearby Canadian Forces Base (in Petawawa) which is sending units regularly to Afghanistan and where we are seeing growing num-bers of soldiers self-medicating their post-traumatic stress symp-toms with addictive behavior and substances
Deep River affords us a wonderfully quiet and gently paced lifestyle in a part of the country with beautiful natural surroundings and consis-tently and gloriously clean air but it poses some challenges This town is where I grew up and where the abuse happened There are ldquoghosts
(Continued on page 15)
ldquoIn those early years I
learned mostly from
women in the feminist
movement who had
been aware of the
impact of sexual abuse
for decades and were far
ahead of men in helping
each other healrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 14
My Weekend of Recovery
By Robert L
M y Weekend of Recovery was a phenomenal ex-perience Phenomenal
The more time that passes the more I realize how much of a posi-tive impact the WOR has had on me Since the WOR things have opened up and my recovery is accelerating
Given the positive experi-ence it is hard to believe that I was somewhat hesitant to attend While I was very excited when I first signed up months in advance some personal issues arose by the time the WOR came around and I seriously considered backing out Thankfully I did not
By way of background I have known about my abuse all my life No flashbacks for me it was always front and center I tried to deal with it as best as I could alone I first spoke about the abuse at age 19 telling my first real love interest about it Disclosing my past only to love interests became a pattern for me until I could no longer handle the pain and started individual therapy at age 31 (six years ago)
The individual therapy has been very helpful I have learned a lot
about myself particularly by ex-ploring areas that I did not even think were part of the equation The therapy also helped a lot of the pain go away
My biggest single problem remains relationships or the lack thereof In actuality I have never had a ldquorealrdquo relationship Instead I keep repeat-ing the same patterns of falling for girls who cannot be emotionally available to me who are often
survivors themselves and are often already in a relationship with an-other man Clearly I needed to add something to my individual ther-apy
Over the past six years I have considered group therapy but
could not find a suitable group A few months before the WOR my therapist gave me a copy of Mike Lewrsquos book Victims No Longer As I read the book I realized that I was a ldquotextbook caserdquo and thought that surely there must be a ldquotextbook solutionrdquo (that I obviously could not find over six years of individual therapy) Naiumlve or not I decided to search for a group once again My online search led me to
the MaleSurvivor website Imagine my pleasant surprise when I discov-ered that a WOR was coming to my city I signed up immediately
I was literally the first survivor to arrive at Mysthaven and was so anxious to ldquoget the show on the roadrdquo While wait-ing for the others to arrive I spent my time looking around trying to make myself feel at home It did not take long for that to happen As I entered the main room I was faced with dozens of t-shirts made by past WOR attendees and it moved me to tears I was surely in a place where I belonged
Eventually the others arrived and we began the opening ceremony It was so well thought out Actually everything was well thought out right from the opening to the closing ceremonies I noticed a lot
In the First Person
ldquoI Know I Am Not Shamefulrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 15
of nice little touches and appreci-ated all of them
After the opening ceremony we did a ldquosafetyrdquo exercise in which everyone had a chance to express his needs for a safe environment (for instance I cannot have people touch my neck) We all committed to abide by the safety rules This turned out to be one of the best parts of the WOR because at no time whatsoever did I feel judged or unsafe in any way I cannot recall ever being in such an atmosphere before
We went through a lot of activities and exercises over the weekend Some of these included small groups breathing exercises (grounding) telling our story ldquosculptingrdquo shame busting commu-nity building art and mindfulness walks
I liked the small groups the best I felt there was an excellent fit among the facilitators my fellow survivors and me I had ample opportunity to say what I wanted to say and welcomed all the feed-back After years of individual ther-apy it was great to finally connect with other male survivors in a group setting I learned from my fellow survivors and it also put my recovery into perspective
The shame busting exercise was also incredible It is one thing to talk about creating intimacy it is another to learn how to do it ac-
from the pastrdquo on every street cor-ner mdash and I am finding them a greater challenge than I antici-pated It has been much easier (surprisingly) and a hugely empow-ering victory for me to transform the house we now inhabit mdash where some of the abuse occurred in my childhood mdash into the safest and most comfortable home I have ever known Deep River is relatively iso-lated from the colleagues I have come to know and trust over many years and I take every opportunity to join them whenever and wher-ever I can for trainings and work-shops I am also learning to rely more on the telephone and the Internet to maintain my personal and professional circles of support My journey of growth and healing continues It is not without hurdles and challenges but at this stage it is filled with blessings not the least of which are my two children (now adults) and the relationships I now enjoy with them Life now is better than I could ever have imagined and I welcome the challenges
Which brings me to the present blessing and challenge namely joining the leadership team of the MaleSurvivor Weekends of Recov-ery I have many strong family and professional connections in the United States and I welcome this opportunity to work with a geo-graphically and culturally broader range of men and women who share my values principles and passion for recovery I look forward to meeting and working with some of you
My Journey (Continued from page 13)
tively After the movement exercise one of the facilitators told me that I ldquolooked beautiful out thererdquo I did not believe or understand that comment at the time but I think I do now and it still makes me cry to think of it The comment made me feel that someone saw the ldquorealrdquo me regardless of what I look
like on the outside It also made me realize that I had forgotten how to ldquoplayrdquo I really did feel like a playful child during the exer-cise and I cannot think of the last time that I experienced such a feeling
Since the WOR I have stepped up my recov-ery process I attend weekly groups and keep in regular con-
tact with a few fellow WOR partici-pants I have also bought many self-help books started journaling and increased my time on the MaleSur-vivor forums
I see a dramatic difference in my-self since the WOR I feel more positive and more at peace I can also talk more freely about the abuse and no longer feel shame The bottom line is that I have moved from being a victim to being a SURVIVOR
Words cannot express my gratitude to the WOR team and my fellow survivors I really appreciate the individual chats and felt that every-one was genuinely interested in my recovery Thank you I love you all
ldquoThe shame busting
exercise was also
incredible It is one
thing to talk about
creating intimacy it is
another to learn how to
do it activelyrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 16
high schools were resistant to al-lowing staff members to enter their school and provide educational programs Having a male on staff proved to be beneficial and the program grew rapidly Fortunately mdash and unfortunately mdash the media be-gan writing articles about me and the educational programs Once the Ministry folks became aware a man was on the payroll of the cen-tre my position was terminated I was told that funding was specifi-cally designed for women to pro-
vide services for women To the credit of the crisis centre they had me volun-teer for six months until they could se-cure funding from the local United Way They seemed less concerned about a man wanting to pro-vide services to peo-ple in need
History was being made We became the first sexual assault crisis centre in Canada to open a separate satellite office for a
menrsquos program This was not something celebrated by all crisis centres I was asked to advocate for men but to keep quiet at the same time The program became very successful and more and more male survivors were asking for ser-vices Unfortunately in 2002 the local United Way decided to reduce their support after having a trou-
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
The Circle of Compassion
By Tom Wilken
T hanks to Dale English of the MaleSurvivor newsletter for asking me to write an article
about my experiences working with male sexual abuse survivors in Can-ada As an advocate it seems like the journey of working with survi-vors has many societal obstacles but we are moving forward slowly but surely I often wonder why it is so challenging for Canadians to include male survivors into the circle of compas-sion
In 1991 I accepted a role with the local sexual assault crisis centre and attended one of their training programs On the first day the female facili-tator looked at me and said ldquoyou must be a brave manrdquo I had no idea what she was talking about at the time but I sure do now For the next eleven years I was employed in an adversarial political roller coaster ride that made advocating for men a daunting task Nevertheless I am very thankful for that opportunity I started as a part-time support worker counseling men My posi-tion evolved and included the role of an Education Co-Coordinator The crisis centre found the local
bling fund raising year Since the gender of the clientele was male the crisis centre was unable to top up funding and the male program was removed from the services of-fered by this crisis centre This may sound discriminatory and perhaps even a human rights issue because it is In Canada we pride ourselves in celebrating diversity but unfor-tunately that does not always in-clude the needs of male survivors
Something exciting happened in 2002 Health Canada asked me to update their ldquoAdult Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse - Overview Pa-perrdquo which was distributed throughout the country by the Na-tional Clearinghouse on Family Vio-lence Until that point in time the Overview Paper was predominately written about the concerns of fe-male survivors without any equality for the concerns of male survivors There was some resistance voiced by a crisis centre about a man writ-ing about both genders but Health Canada took a chance and re-quested I complete the Overview Paper that spoke to the similarities and differences regarding the re-covery process of both genders This paper was considered success-ful and a second printing was needed to meet the requests by Canadians This was so rewarding for me and it helped me to realize that there is hope for male survi-vors
Facilitating groups for male survi-vors was an exciting part of my role at the crisis centre Being with men who are being ldquorealrdquo and sup-
ldquoThe Canadian
government has known
for years that 37 of
sexual abuse survivors
under the age of 21 are
male however they do
not open their hearts for
male survivors and
welcome them into the
circle of compassionrdquo
February 2009
Page 17
ple as well The main difference was they responded to their woundedness in a different fashion It is estimated that on any given day there are over 100000 people on probation in the province of Ontario It is also estimated that up to 80 of these folks may have been sexually abused This equates
to 80000 sexual abuse survivors who are on probation most of whom are male We also know that 59 of people in prison are sexual abuse survivors Sadly probation officers are not trained in sexual abuse recovery issues It is interest-ing to note that I work with more male survivors as a Probation Offi-cer than when I worked at the crisis centre When people are not given healthy outlets for expressing their anger it can manifest in less desir-able ways
I started the ldquoWe Want to Knowrdquo project in 2003 which was partially sponsored by the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness and the now
porting one another throughout the healing process is truly a magi-cal experience The men receiving services were both grateful and angry They were grateful to be receiving services but angry these services were not available when they were younger They wondered why so many other male survivors
are not given the same opportunity to heal Seven men from group consented to having their healing journey documented during thirty weeks of group counseling Thus the book Rebuilding Your House of Self Respect Men Recovering from Childhood Sexual Abuse first edi-tion was in the works
In 2002 I accepted a position as a Probation Officer with the Ministry of Community Safety and Correc-tional Services After working with victims for over a decade I won-dered if the adjustment to working with offenders was possible It did-nrsquot take long to realize that people who offended were wounded peo-
closed Windsor Family Forum We were able to fulfill the dream of the seven courageous men from group by distributing copies of the RYHSR book to agencies throughout Can-ada
Millions of dollars are spent in Can-ada for sexual assault crisis centres and other programs for female sur-
vivors These valuable programs for women are underfunded but un-fortunately there are rarely any services specifically for men The Canadian government has known for years that 37 of sexual abuse survivors under the age of 21 are male however they do not open their hearts for male survivors and welcome them into the circle of compassion
In 2007 the Diocese of London Ontario provided funding for my business Hope amp Healing Associ-ates and the Silence to Hope (STH) project was born The Diocese in-creased their funding from $30000
(Continued on page 18)
A Circle of Compassion (uncredited photo)
Vol 2 No 2
Page 18
material to the Ministry of Commu-nity Safety and Correctional Ser-vices the Ministry of Children and Youth Services Victim Services the Ontario Provincial Police and other various other agencies Over 1500 free copies of the second edition of my book Rebuilding Your House of Self Respect Men Recovering in Group from Childhood Sexual Abuse are being distributed to sur-vivors and agencies working with male survivors Lynne MacDonell has received funding from the Arch-diocese of Toronto and is assisting male survivors in central Ontario Her Help amp Hope Project is similar
to the STH project
The STH project was fortunate to partner with Howard Fradkin of MaleSurvivor and his Weekend of Re-covery facilitation team who came to Canada in November 2008 This was quite a treat for Canadian male survivors The expertise of the Frad-kin team provided a
high-caliber experience not nor-mally available to Canadians The feedback from participants indi-cated these men felt truly blessed to be part of this experience In 2009 I hope to write a workbook for male survivors that will accom-pany the second edition of the RYHSR book Ellen Campbell and the CCAA plan to partner with the STH project and provide free cop-ies of this workbook as part of a joint education and awareness pro-gram I am presently updating a Directory of Services for Health
in 2007 to $60000 in 2008 to $75000 in 2009 Thanks to the generosity of the Diocese we are able to provide support groups information and referral services education and awareness pro-grams The Diocese not only wanted us to help males who were victimized by priests but any male survivors
In the early stages we recognized that our communities were not pro-viding a safe and supportive envi-ronment for men to step out of isolation Various agencies were con-tacting me and shared their frustra-tions about not hav-ing places to refer men who were sexu-ally abused as chil-dren It became pain-fully evident how un-educated Canadian service providers are on the needs of men and sexual abuse One of the main focuses of the STH project is our education and aware-ness program and group facilita-tion
As sad as the present situation is for male survivors we are making progress The STH project has part-nered with agencies throughout our area and two agencies from our bigger cities are providing group facilitation on a year round basis We are partnering with the Cana-dian Centre for Abuse Awareness (CCAA) and providing educational
Circle of Compassion (Continued from page 17)
Canada and the National Clearing-house on Family Violence called Combining Voices This directory lists all agencies throughout the Country that provide services to male and female survivors
ldquoCollective denialrdquo is strong throughout Canada but there is HOPE There seems to be an im-portant shift in thinking taking place Several years ago the topic of working with male survivors was not to be spoken about however people are now more receptive to exploring the needs of a much ne-glected portion of the population More men are requesting services and more group counseling oppor-tunities are presenting themselves It appears that more and more Ca-nadian agencies are starting to rec-ognize the importance of including male survivors into the circle of compassion Every time we have articles in the media more men seem to come out of isolation My biggest concerns include the lack of funding by the government If this topic is not talked about and if a safe and supportive environment for men is not created men will go back into silence and isolation This work seems to be driven from the ldquobottom uprdquo and not the ldquotop downrdquo We need good men and women to talk more openly about the needs of male survivors ldquoCollective denialrdquo thrives when good people keep silent Survivors are not living in total isolation they are fathers brothers husbands workers community members and they are valuable human beings
We are proud to join MaleSurvivor in making this world a better place
ldquorsquoCollective denialrsquo is
strong throughout
Canada but there is
HOPE There seems to
be an important shift in
thinking taking placerdquo
February 2009
Page 19
This Boyrsquos Life
By Jordan M
M y life began as any other a happy boy in a happy nuclear family It
was a time when my biggest worry was my brother threatening to tattle on me for sneaking a cookie up to bed I was young and the life I was living was exactly how it should have been carefree and devoid of the messy thoughts and situations which I would soon come to know all too well I was a boy and without trying to sound too clicheacuted I was innocent Pure
My parentsrsquo nasty divorce popped that bubble I loved my family more than anything and the di-vorce ripped us apart Mom and Dad were too busy fighting each other to notice anything that was happening with me or my siblings We were pushed aside used as bargaining tools I felt like a pawn Mom convincing us that Dad was a bad guy Dad convincing us that Mom was to blame Being the third child of five I was lost I withdrew and I stayed as far away from any sort of family situation as I could I didnrsquot know whom to trust
Time passed and things leveled and Mom married again but her taste in men had changed since Dad Her new husband seemed to hate children and he made sure that was known He was a violent man and my family and I paid the price I felt more lost than ever I was all alone in a hell that I was not prepared for Looking for some
kind of calm in this storm I started spending more time with Dad on his farm
Dad had met and moved in with another woman as well and unlike my new step-dad I liked her I thought that this could be my escape I could stay with Dad and be safe Go back to being a kid again Live that normal life I used to have
Not only did Dadrsquos new girlfriend move in so did her brother mdash my new step-uncle of sorts He was great The coolest guy Irsquod ever met We got along he played with me we watched mov-ies we went out we did everything He paid attention to me and I sud-denly felt less alone He was that person whom I could trust He was the man who would help me through all this crap at home He was the one that cared I didnrsquot just have a new step-uncle I had a new friend a new guardian someone who was there for me I latched on I bought his trick mdash hook line and sinker
The sexual abuse began and after the initial shock frankly I got used to it Although I hated it he as-sured me it was ok This is what should be happening between a 12 year old boy and 32 year old man who have a special relationship like
the one we did I believed him All I had to do was comply with his sexual desires and he would remain there for me I was willing to pay that price to keep this man in my life Somewhere in the back of my little mind I knew it was wrong but
I wouldnrsquot tell a soul It was our little secret our special relation-ship Nobody could know but us
It went on for years and for years I grew more and more dis-tant from people from myself and from the world I attempted a few times to get away but there was no where to go Either I live in an abusive hell with Mom or I cater to my step-unclersquos desires at my
Dadrsquos Which is the lesser evil
I went back and forth from house to house each time growing a little more resilient a little harder Time went on and I wasnrsquot that little boy anymore Age was on my side now and I wanted it to stop
Mom did get rid of the mistake she married after a while but soon found a new one and I promised myself that I would not stand for another day in this hell The first time this new guy laid a hand on me I gave Mom an ultimatum him or me She chose him I was gone
(Continued on page 20)
In the First Person
ldquoAlthough I hated [the
abuse] he assured me it
was ok This is what
should be happening
between a 12 year old
boy and 32 year old
man who have a special
relationship like the one
we did I believed himrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 20
been chasing me the whole time and it was catching up
The lure of the big city called me and I began spending nights and weekends in Toronto Attempting to end the emptiness I began searching for ways to fill it I got hooked on drugs became an ad-dict I became hard Mean Nothing could touch me Fear couldnrsquot stand in my way The worst had already happened I thought what I was feeling was freedom but free was the farthest thing from the truth I was trapped trapped in anger and guilt and shame
The deep desire to be taken care of continued to force its way to the surface and take on new extremes My cutting habit that I had devel-
I left home at 16 I figured that anything was better than staying where I was This was going to be a new start for me It was going to be different this time I promised myself that I would make it
I was wrong Again
Life on your own at 16 is not an easy one mdash new city no friends barely any money Schools wouldnrsquot accept me apartments wouldnrsquot let a kid occupy a unit I was alone I was really alone this time It took
time but I eventually managed a bit of a life for myself and was able to get through high school but it didnrsquot come easy My past had
This Boyrsquos Life (Continued from page 19)
oped as a young teen had ex-ploded and I began to brutally beat myself in hopes that somebody would notice maybe take me to hospital Take care of me It didnrsquot work It never worked There was only one thing that worked sex
Hustling made me feel powerful Men would pay to be with me Itrsquos all I felt I was good at seducing men And it was a power that I so badly thought I needed As bad as I was treated the glimpse of con-trol that I felt was enough to keep me going back But all I was doing was allowing myself to be abused
over and over again It just lead me further and further down
The years passed and I lost all feeling I forgot how to feel I knew
A Sliver of Light copy 2009 Timothy Andrew
February 2009
Page 21
only three emotions happiness sadness and anger And it was the anger that consumed me Anything could set me off I was a ticking time-bomb I began to wonder if any sort of normal life would ever happen for me
I was ready to give up to accept that this was what God had planned for me but somewhere inside that messed up 20 year old head of mine there was a sliver of light the same light that was there when I was a child the light that only had to worry about sneaking a cookie up to bed And I knew that that tiny glimpse of light was the real me If I could find a way to broaden its beam I would be able to peel back all the layers of abuse and discover who I really am
I searched I called crisis lines I went to free therapy sessions I attempted to try to understand why I was like I was but I kept hitting dead ends Nobody seemed to know how to help me me a male survivor
Nothing would last The little help I did receive all faded All I really got were programs and information and books and flyers Then I found Lynne MacDonells number I called her late one night She agreed to meet with me and quickly got me
into her mens group ldquoA Time for Menrdquo
The group literally saved my life For the first time I knew I wasnt alone There were other men who had been through what I had been through and they genuinely cared for me It has been over three years
now and it is still difficult Although I have put an end to the coping mecha-nisms mdash the drugs and the cutting mdash itrsquos the feelings that still manage to give me a struggle As survivors we have to sort out our insides Our guts Our feelings All that stuff was ripped out mixed up and thrown back in when we were abused We have to retrain our brains learn how to think how to feel how to trust how to love At times I feel like Irsquom an emotional infant as if my body kept
growing after my uncle abused me but my mind didnrsquot That was the main issue when I finally decided that I needed to be on the path of recovery So I focused and I began
I look forward to those two hours every Monday night because I know I can say and share anything I want and I will not be judged I am safe there I am safe to peel back those layers of abuse and discover the real me who I was really meant to be not this husk of
a human being that I had been living as for so many years
Since joining the group I have finished university got my degree I am free of drugs and self-harming I have a good job and a much healthier lifestyle and I have come out with my secret about sexual abuse
I am not ashamed of who I am anymore It is a long and tough uphill battle and it is still far from over but I know that I have plenty of people helping me fight this battle Our group is more that just a support group We are a family a brotherhood of survivors deter-mined to help each other and spread the word
It was hope That light the real memdashit was hope As survivors some-times all we have to go on is hope and that is why we need to remem-ber that there is ALWAYS hope There never needs to be a dead end That tiny sliver of light exists in all of us you just have to find it
ldquoAs survivors
sometimes all we have
to go on is hope and
that is why we need to
remember that there is
ALWAYS hope There
never needs to be a
dead end That tiny
sliver of light exists in
all of us you just have
to find itrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 22
My Story
by Bruce M
A s I start to write this article I find myself sitting in front of the house where I was
first sexually abused I donrsquot know why I am here but I am Perhaps it is my way of being in control which I certainly wasnrsquot for a very long time It was really not that long ago before I avoided this area of the city entirely mdash never mind sitting on the street in front of the home where I was sexually as-
saulted
I am now 42 years old and have a partner who supports me more than I could have ever asked for I am in love and
although I thought I loved others before now I really know what love is For many years I was so secretly dysfunctional that most people were under the impression that I had it all together but that was furthest from the truth I was a good actor
I grew up in a middle class suburb of Toronto I was the youngest of three kids I was diagnosed with ADD and was given Ritalin to ldquosettle me downrdquo I think that Ritalin was an easy out for my parents I needed more one on one interac-tion and understanding rather than a drug regimen which suited their
needs I clearly remember my pe-diatrician back then coaching my parents on what I needed mdash and many of his recommendations went ignored In their minds it seemed that all I needed was Ritalin
I had very few true friends Most people found my hyperactivity to be too much My mother was a practicing alcoholic (thankfully sober for about 28 years now) and my father was nothing short of physically abusive mdash mainly to my sister and me but also to my brother from what I understand My father had out-bursts of rage during which he would beat me with a dog leash and his fist Once he shoved my head down a toilet and told me that is where I belonged I donrsquot know if many people could appreciate how horrible it was to be told that As long as I live I will never for-get how I felt when he said that
When I was 12 years old I was enrolled in basketball That year I excelled and my team ended up winning the champion-ship This was a great confidence boost that I really needed I had finally found something that I was good at The second year was not so great My assistant basketball
coach was a sexual predator who saw a shy and troubled boy in me and decided that he would look after his own needs This guy was a medical doctor so he knew what he was doing and started what I now understand was a very intense grooming process He talked to me about my hyperactivity my motherrsquos alcoholism and my fatherrsquos abuse As I remember back he brought these things up often while he was getting to know me
After a period of time he invited me to his home one day on the pretence of my coming over to rake leaves Once there he invited me to his basement where he
Moving On
Bruce M
Bruce M during the time of his abuse
February 2009
Page 23
matum He said that if I would not come to his house we could no longer be friends I donrsquot know how I did it but I decided that I did not want to go to his house and that was the end of that I now know that he went on to find an-other victim
For nearly the next two decades I struggled with life To add insult to injury I knew that I was a gay male and after the abuse I figured that this was what a gay relation-ship was like and I didnrsquot want it I lacked direction with almost everything I did For a while I was practically homeless because I was staying with one friend after another putting myself in situations where I could be abused again and again I was con-stantly haunted with
guilt because I was sure that the man who abused me was abusing other boys
Finally one day I came forward and told the police about my abuse They charged this man and I quickly learned that this perpetra-tor was one of the nastiest that I have come across to this day He had deep pockets and fought ruthlessly I was followed by private investigators my friends were approached by private investigators
made it clear that his gentle kind supportive ways would have a cost to me I remember hating the experience This disgusting smelling man was more than repulsive Would you believe that I went back Well I did Most other vic-tims of sexual abuse will under-
stand why better than those who have not been there I wanted to be cared for and listened to so badly that for a while I just put up with the abuse This guy came to my school at lunch and let me drive his car around the back streets I was too young and imma-ture to realize that this was not a kind gesture but more grooming that would give him access to what he wanted Eventually he got an-noyed that I would avoid going to his house so he gave me an ulti-
for interviews and he hired some of Canadarsquos best attorneys to get him out of his charges When I went to court to testify at a prelimi-nary trial he had people there to threaten me in the halls of the court and the bathrooms The criminal case went on and on and eventually to the Supreme Court of Canada for a ruling about my con-sent All in all it has been a very intense process which went on so long that the case was thrown out because of delay He is still not out of hot water because the College of Physicians and Surgeons went after him and I had to testify at that hearing too which is still going on to this day
Last fall I completed my third Weekend of Recovery and al-though I have been in private ther-apy for close to four years and have been a part of a menrsquos group in Toronto nothing compares to the results that I achieved from attending the Weekends of Recov-ery The weekend program and the connections that I made with other guys and therapists have been instrumental in giving me a push forward allowing me to have some happiness and a meaningful rela-tionship which I was never able to have before
Life is not perfect but I can tell you that it is so much better than it was a few years ago and it is getting better all the time
Bruce M during the time of his abuse
Vol 2 No 2
Page 24
nor injury well that was his cue He took me into a medical room and closed the door He examined my knee and soon the subject changed That was the first time that I was sexually assaulted
Over the years this repulsive man be-came my coach in both hockey and baseball He was a central figure at the arena and the base-ball diamond He was the one involved in all the fundraisers and came to be known as ldquothe guy who would do any-thing for the kidsrdquo Most of the parents loved him mdash but not mine He drank with parents partied with them all while he ldquotook carerdquo of us kids
The first time I was abused at the arena I told someone older than I I did so again when I was 15 What was I to do Neither time did the adults take appropriate action and you guessed it everything was swept under the carpet So I did the only thing I knew how to do mdash I stuffed it
Growing up was a difficult time for me because of the abuse and the fact that I suffered with ADHD and anxiety (undiagnosed at the time) My sisters did well in school how-ever I didnrsquot I would work my tail off get a ldquoCrdquo and then would be told to work harder or asked if I
A Victim No More
by Glenn Allan
M y name is Glenn Allan and I grew up in Stoney Creek Ontario Canada
By all rights I should have been dead years ago I am a recovering alcoholic and cocaine addict and I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse I donrsquot want my story to become an ldquoabuse or addiction-aloguerdquo so I wonrsquot get into graphic details or talk about every abusive situation
Please keep an open mind as this is my story
I was wel-comed into a loving yet dysfunctional family in February of 1964 I have four sisters
nine nieces and nephews two great-nieces and one great-nephew My story begins around the age of seven I loved skating and playing hockey I was always told ldquoYoursquove gotta practice to get betterrdquo and so I did I would play as much ice and road hockey as I could and my sis-ters would take me public skating It was at public skating that my abuser first spotted me and as-saulted me I fell during one of those skating sessions and hurt my knee My abuser was a skating monitor that day and when I needed medical attention for a mi-
were dumb My frustrations grew mdash if only they knew that there was a hurting little boy inside But I was a boy who was too afraid to say that he hurt or to cry mdash because ldquobig boys donrsquot cryrdquo I would get teased at home about being stupid or
asked ldquoWhy donrsquot you try harderrdquo
I couldnrsquot defend my-self verbally with my parents because that would have been ldquotalking backrdquo There were times when I would be so angry at them for picking on me for little things and I would think to myself ldquoYou are yell-ing at me for this while he (the abuser) is doing that to merdquo
Talk about frustration and built up rage I was a walking volcano I would fight all the time whether it was at school playing hockey or baseball it really didnrsquot matter why mdash all I knew was I was MAD
Over the years I slowly lost my self-esteem and self-worth I wanted to be anybody but me I idolized ath-letes like Bobby Orr Bobby Clarke and Pete Rose because of their dedication and work ethic Being a class clown I loved comedians (Steve Martin Richard Pryor Robin Williams Johnny Carson) and the entertainer in me loved singers (Elvis) and wanted so badly to be them Then maybe people would like me because there was abso-lutely no way anyone could really
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Glenn Allan
ldquoMy frustrations grewmdash
if only they knew that
there was a hurting little
boy inside But I was a
boy who was too afraid
to say that he hurt or to
crymdashbecause lsquobig boys
donrsquot cryrsquordquo
February 2009
Page 25
like or love me with the things my abuser had made me do
Because of the trauma of being abused I wet the bed until I was about 12 years of age which drained any remaining self-worth or self-esteem that I had left I was so embarrassed And then I had to tolerate ridiculous comments from people saying things like ldquoYou know that you are going to have to stop thisrdquo and ldquoYou are getting too old for thisrdquo No kidding really Did they think that I liked waking up in my own urine Did they not think that I wanted to stop Did they have any idea how their words hurt me Man oh man it was like that all the time They just didnrsquot think before they spoke
Frustrated and over-whelmed in my teens I finally found the ldquofriendrdquo that I had been looking for mdash first name ldquoALrdquo last name ldquoCOHOLrdquo I would be-come a whole new person when I drank booze and how I drank I found a brand new confidence I was somewhat funny when I drank dur-ing the early years of drinking however over time I became de-pressed and extremely angry I would fight in bars on a regular basis Then in December of 1987 I was stabbed outside a bar and nearly died Now you would think that being stabbed and nearly dy-ing would prompt a lifestyle
change or at the very least cause me to take a personal inventory of my situation and myself But not me I wore it as a badge of honour allowing the insanity to continue
It is said that if the drugs and alco-hol donrsquot kill you the lifestyle will During this time and over the years I was introduced to many criminals Their crimes ranged from murder assaults extortion and drug dealing to running massage parlours and prostitution mdash to just name a few One of my acquaint-ances was even a hired killer He
actually assassinated two reputed crime bosses in Ontario and is now serving a lengthy sentence for those and other killings
But I was drawn to their so-called power and complete disregard for the law Looking back on it I guess I was looking to reclaim the power
that was stolen from me by my abuser
In my early twenties I got a job working with Young Offenders as a Correctional Officer With the money I was making I bought a very nice sports car dated pretty women was extremely materialistic and yet I was never satisfied I worked in corrections for about four years During that time I also began my career in the world of entertainment as a voice impres-sionist and stand-up comedian as well as a co-host of a comedy tele-
vision show I had a tremendous ego and unknowingly had be-come rdquoThe Great I Amrdquo
After a couple of years I moved from comedy to producing and host-ing my own sports television program which aired for ten years I had so much fun and I was able to meet and interview some of sportsrsquo big-gest names
In my mid-20s when the alcohol wasnrsquot medicating my pain any longer I turned to
something stronger mdash COCAINE During a span of approximately ten years the combination of alcohol cocaine and all my poor choices cost me most of my jobs many of my relationships and all my money It drove me to criminal activity po-lice charges a conviction and a criminal record But most of all I
(Continued on page 26)
Alone Uncredited Photo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 26
was lost Glenn was slowly dying inside me I became depressed and despondent and I hated so many people But most of all I hated my-self
I had attempted suicide on a few occasions and I really and truly had a death wish I hated myself so much that on Friday January 16 1998 loaded with a supply of co-caine and booze I booked myself into a hotel room with no intention of coming out alive Friday night and Saturday passed with me drinking and getting high on co-caine After having more cocaine delivered to me on Sunday after-noon there was no turning back mdash or so I thought Approximately at midnight on Sunday I made my final decision mdash it was time for me to leave this stinking world I ingested enough cocaine to kill me and then I barricaded my hotel door and ripped the phone out of the wall I lay down on the bed defeated broken sad guilt-ridden ashamed depressed and scared yet so ready to die
Only Divine Intervention mdash some sort of miracle mdash can explain what hap-pened next The police came into my hotel room at just the right time on Sunday night and took me to the hospital Who called them how did they know to come to my room I donrsquot know Well thatrsquos not completely true Today I am a man of faith and as a Christian I know exactly who orchestrated my rescue
A Victim No More (Continued from page 25)
After a brief stay in the hospital I chose to enter the Hamilton Menrsquos Withdrawal Management Centre where I spent eleven days From there I entered an intensive addic-tion treatment centre for a six-week stay followed by a five and one half month stay at a recovery house
I have been clean and sober since Janu-ary 19 1998
I work the program of recovery intensely I was blessed with some incredible therapists who were able to break through my trust issues my rough exterior and my wall of comedy to allow me to heal I also became involved in the 12-Steps and other support groups through which I have found tremendous friendships and men-toring
Recovery is about making changes Al-though my abuser assaulted me until I was 15 years old I blamed him for all of my problems until I was 33 years old I had to change from being a pro-fessional blamer and liar to a man of responsibility character and in-tegrity It wasnrsquot easy however after many tears and lots of hard work life has gotten much better
Over time and through applying these principles I found peace se-renity and forgiveness and I also
learned how to love myself again Everything that was set in motion to harm me as a young man is now what drives me With Godrsquos help today I am able to live humbly honestly open-minded and willing to do whatever it takes to stay clean and sober while doing what I can to help others who face similar
struggles
Today I serve the Ca-nadian Centre for Abuse Awareness as the Director of the Southwestern Ontario office My mission at hand is to create a task force that will be responsible for build-ing a residential pro-gram for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
I am also the Execu-tive Producer and Host of three popular television programs Good News Sports The Edge and Living Clean Living Clean is the only live weekly interactive television program in Canada
that is designed to assist individu-als who suffer with addiction abuse andor mental illnesses
I also host The Glenn Allan Show on a local radio station in Hamil-ton ON Canada
As a motivational speaker my pres-entation entitled Youth Yak Live has enabled me to speak to thou-sands of youth nationwide since 2000 Through Youth Yak Live I
ldquoRecovery is about
making changes
Although my abuser
assaulted me until I was
15 years old I blamed
him for all of my
problems until I was 33
years old I had to
change from being a
professional blamer and
liar to a man of
responsibility character
and integrity
February 2009
Page 27
Male Survivor Groups (MSG)
By Robert Beacuterubeacute Co-founder MSG
M ale Survivor Groups (MSG) was created by a group of male survivors
of childhood sexual abuse follow-ing the death of a fellow survi-vor in Lon-don Ontario Canada The initial objec-tives were to foster cama-raderie and support for one another and also to obtain proper help
for survivors in the London area
Presently our aim is to help all male survivors and also to make our cause known It is open to all male survivors of childhood ado-lescent and adult abuse We have expanded and have supported the creation of groups across Canada and we are prepared to support the creation of groups throughout the World
Groups have been established in London Vancouver Sudbury and North Bay in Canada
Our beliefs
1 Our groups are for male survi-vors of abuse What is said in the group remains there What is stated must remain confiden-
have developed tremendous work-ing relationships with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police Ontario Provincial Police Crime Stoppers local police agencies young of-fender facilities churches self-help groups and alcohol and drug treatment centres
I also facilitate a weekly peer sup-port group for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
There was a time when I thought I would never get married and that no one could love me for who I am Colleen and I met in 1999 We both have similar pasts We both have worked through our abuse issues and are both clean and so-ber In 2001 my best friend and I married and we now have three beautiful children Ashley Brandon and Christopher Spending the rest of my life with Colleen and our family is a dream come true
The opportunity of sharing Godrsquos gifts and blessings with others is truly an honour and a privilege It is imperative that I never take these things for granted
If I can assist you or someone dear to you please donrsquot hesitate to contact me at the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness Ph 905-594-1581 or email glennccfaacom or visit these websites
wwwabusehurtscom wwwlivingcleanca wwwglennallanca
or write to me co CCAA 38 King St East PO Box 66614 Stoney Creek ON L8G 5E5
(Continued from page 26)
tial Anonymity is of the utmost importance unless the survivor has gone public But intimate details of the public person must also remain confidential Confidentiality must be assured
2 We are in the group to heal and to support each other
3 We are male survivors who want to heal and help others in the process We can be as young as 16 or as old as old can be
4 Our primary purpose is our own safe being Secondary purposes are the betterment of services for male survivors and the advancement of our cause
5 We fight on so that we may grow in solidarity
6 We are not a religious group We do use different models of functioning in our different sub-groups Ours is a healing group for more than one prob-lematic issue
7 We encourage partnerships with organisations businesses and agencies that foster the creation of services for male survivors of abuse
We have created a Facebook Group which is also open to FRIENDS who support our cause Our group is establishing partnerships with other male survivor groups in Canada and worldwide You can contact us through the Facebook page or by emailing me at berube55yahooca
Support Groups
Robert Beacuterubeacute
Vol 2 No 2
Page 28
The CCAA By Ellen Campbell [ellenccfaacom]
Founder and Executive Director Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness
A s some of you know the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness (CCAA) is a
national non-government charitable organization dedicated to eliminat-ing child abuse through advocacy education public awareness and prevention programs With help from community and corporate partners the CCAA provides accessible support healing and indi-vidual empowerment for adult survivors their fami-lies and caregivers through over 20 programs Those that listen to classic rock station Q107 in the To-ronto region will recognize us as their charity of choice through Derringerrsquos Thir-teen Days of Christmas campaign
Based in Newmarket On-tario the CCAA is an active and vibrant organization that in addition to its variety of program offer-ings is also involved in public safety advocacy That advo-cacy started with the early release from prison of one of the perpetra-tors in the Maple Leaf Gardensrsquo child sex abuse scandal Many surviving victims were traumatized again this time by the system The
CCAA went public with its concerns that day and the public safety advocacy program was born
Later the CCAA wrote a sweeping report titled Martinrsquos Hope named in memory of Martin Kruze (the first victim to courageously go public with the story of his abuse at the Gardens and who later tragi-cally took his own life) that made 60 recommendations for legislative and policy change to the criminal justice system These recommenda-tions were gleaned from round-
table discussions with over 150 front-line criminal justice system professionals crime victims and survivors To this day members of the Kruze family sit on the CCAA Board of Directors
After the initial public release of the Martinrsquos Hope report in the fall of 2003 I knew that if repairs were to be made to the criminal justice system advocacy would have to be accelerated That advocacy began in earnest in early 2006 with the hiring of John Muise a volunteer with the CCAA and previously a Toronto police officer with signifi-cant experience in legislative and policy advocacy The hire coincided with new political winds blowing in Ottawa The CCAArsquos full-time public
safety program was born
Relationships already in existence were strength-ened new ones were made and the CCAA intensified its advocacy with politi-cians stakeholders and other decision makers In addition the CCAA courted media attention recogniz-ing the opportunity to get our message out
That advocacy included the preparation of written briefs in support of testi-mony before a number of decision making bodies including several appear-ances before the House of Commons Justice Commit-tee
ADVOCACY REWARDED The last three years have brought success on a number of fronts Progress on the criminal justice reform front is rarely if ever the result of one person or just one organization advocating for
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoMartinrsquos Hoperdquo in Memory of Martin Arnold Kruze From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 29
government Although there are specific circumstances under which the age of consent is 16 (or 18) the general age of consent remained at 14 For many in the child protection
world this has been a shame of what is otherwise a devel-oped and civilized land The fight is finally over with the passage and Royal Assent of this legisla-tion in July of 2008 This is a victory for the many people that fought the good fight and most importantly this law allows prose-cution of those adult predators who choose to sexually exploit 14
and 15 year old children
Review of federal corrections policy
In 2007 the federal government ordered an independent review of the federal corrections and parole system The CCAA attended the announcement of that review and subsequently appeared before the review team and provided detailed written recommendations for change The final report included a number of recommendations that the CCAA provided including those contained in Martinrsquos Hope A rollout of some report recommen-dations has already started includ-ing a pilot project for the use of electronic monitoring on serious and violent offenders who are on parole in communities
(Continued on page 30)
Dangerous offenders Having someone declared a dan-gerous offender is very difficult to do In fact there are fewer then 400 declared dangerous offenders in the country This amendment makes it easier to bring a dangerous offender application for a serious repeat con-victed offender before the court The end result should be we hope the detection and declaration of more dangerous offenders Dangerous offender designation is for life and results in indefinite lock-up of the offender with periodic judicial reviews
Community protection orders
Also known as ldquoSection 810rdquo orders they allow the state to monitor the activities of certain subjects mdash no longer under some form of sen-tence or other judicial release but still considered a danger mdash to be placed on a judicial order similar to a bail with control and monitoring conditions The legislation explicitly expands the controls that can be usedmdashfor example electronic moni-toringmdashand extends the length of the order from one year to two
Age of protection For longer than people care to remember advocates have fought to raise the general age of consent from 14 to 16 years of age Until recently those voices have been largely ignored by the federal
change but no one can deny the important roll played by the CCAA in advancing these reforms These are all original recommendations contained in the Martinrsquos Hope report The results as they say speak for themselves and include but are not limited to the follow-ing
Mandatory minimum sentences for Internet chi ld abuse offences
Over time courts have increasingly relied on so called ldquohouse arrestrdquo provisions (see section immediately below) when sentencing offenders found guilty of Internet child abuse and similar kinds of serious child exploitation offences The sen-tences were often way out of pro-portion to the gravity of the crimes Minimum sentences were legislated for a variety of crimes with the net effect of eliminating the ability of the court to impose ldquohouse arrestrdquo
Conditional sentences of imprisonment
Better known as ldquohouse arrestrdquo this measure brought in over a decade ago was being imposed by the courts for ever more serious of-fenders and offences Many violent and dangerous offenders were allowed to serve their term of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo at home Justice and public safety were compro-mised by this provision Although the Bill that finally passed was watered down significantly by opposition party demands the end result was a tightening of the cir-cumstances under which a sen-tence of this kind could be given
ldquoAfter the initial public
release of the Martinrsquos
Hope report in the fall
of 2003 I knew that if
repairs were to be made
to the criminal justice
system advocacy would
have to be acceleratedrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 30
munity committees and inquiries including the Federal Inquiry pre-sided over by Justice Major into the Air India bombing
Moving forward We are delighted to report that John Muise our Director of Public Safety has recently received a Governor-in-council appointment as a full-time member of the Na-tional Parole Board effective in May of 2009 Although this is a big loss
for the CCAA we are thrilled for John and we know that he will bring the same com-mitment to public safety in that position as he did with the CCAA We wish him the very best in this new and challenging role
Much progress has been made in the past three years with
more anticipated The federal gov-ernment has signaled its intention to finish the work it started and attempt a further repeal of condi-tional sentences of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo They have also said that they in-tend on amending certain aspects of parole legislation and moving on tightening up security (including drug interdiction) in federal prisons
As we kick off 2009 the CCAA has the following priorities
Enhanced training for law enforcement off icers involved in chi ld abuse
investigations The introduction of provincial ldquosafe havenrdquo legislation that would pro-
vide a distressed mother who has given birth (within 72 hours) to take her baby to a place of safety (for example fire station police station hospital emergency) no questions asked and drop the baby off The purpose is to avoid the unthinkable mdash dumpster aban-donment murder at birth This legislation exists in all 50 of the United States but has yet to to be introduced in this country
Parole reform In addition the CCAA will work with partners on two parole and corrections recommendations They include legislating breach of parole as an offence for which a police officer has a power of arrest Com-plimentary to this the replacement of statutory release (automatic release after serving two thirds of a sentence) with regular earned parole Both recommendations were included in the final report of the Corrections Review Team and had been provided with others by the CCAA
We at the CCAA believe that much has been done on the criminal justice reform and public awareness front We are grateful for the pro-gress thus far and proud of the part we have played in moving the public safety agenda along
There is still much work to be done and the CCAA will step up to carry on this most important work
Selection of judges In recognition of the importance of the justice selection process the federal government has recently expanded the scope of people selected to sit on the regional Judicial Advisory Committees tasked with vetting potential ap-pointments and providing recom-mendations to the federal Attorney General and Minister of Justice for final selection Although still dominated by judges and lawyers a wider variety of voices and minds is now part of the selection proc-ess This is welcome news I am one of those voices I sit on one of the regional committees itrsquos an appointment we can all be proud of
Gun crime and other victim focused matters
Although outside the specific man-date of the CCAA (and not included in the Martinrsquos Hope report) in recognition of the impact on com-munities and particularly at risk children and youth the CCAA also appeared before the House of Commons Committee in support of mandatory minimum sentences for serious gun crimes and for amend-ments that tighten up the bail system for those charged with serious gun-related offences
In addition several crime victim supportive briefs were prepared for a number of safe school and com-
The CCAA (Continued from page 29)
ldquoWe at the CCAA hellip are
grateful for the progress
thus far and proud of
the part we have played
in moving the public
safety agenda alongrdquo
February 2009
Page 31
higher than its current statistical significance would suggest I would suggest itrsquos about one in four of the men I deal with 25 compared to the 16 suggested in the cur-rent literature If you allow for the fact that many of the men I work with have come from dysfunctional families that have been dysfunc-tional for generations the higher rate of incidence will hardly be surprising
I really had no idea when I started this job that I would have a head-
on collision with CSA No idea at all I was in my pre-survivor life My own past experi-ences were like a dormant volcano Sure some smoke would puff out every now and then for no readily apparent rea-son but no major eruption But as I heard more and more stories told by men in their own abyss of despair and self loath-ing things started to bubble within me
I remember the first man who disclosed to me He did not really intend to He started to tell part of a story and I just knew I just knew What he did say was part of an institutional abuse situa-tion that gained public awareness in the media After that story broke many men came forward as well to tell their story of how they too were abused as boys in a school
Inside
By Geeders (Jim)
W hen I was first asked to write about my experi-ences working in a jail I
wasnrsquot really sure what I could say about it Can I say this or should I say that Was it going to be really negative or show promise of better days ahead And what about me mdashthe new me mdash dealing with issues of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) at the same time as the men I see and work with How the hell was (or is) that going to work Well it is a work in progress after all and one that seems to evolve as I change and as I become more comfortable with my own sense of a new self
Let me begin by saying that there is nothing in this article that would meet the rigours of clinical dissection Equally important I do not work with sexual offenders What I am going to say is purely my experience based on personal observation No scientific analysis can be attributed to it apart from what we already know or suspect One in six men will have been sexually assaulted or abused by the time they are 18 It has long been opined that the number of abused men is actually
setting that was really a cover for juveniles in trouble with the law
The inmate I was working with did not come forward at that time He couldnrsquot His disclosure to me was the first time he had ever said anything about his abuse No one else knew mdash no one He was alone His pain was palpable and obvious His shame and guilt were profound Never had he admitted to himself what had happened in that school let alone admitted to a total stranger until that very moment I listened to his pain tried to console him just let him cry Eventually over the course of a couple of interviews it became obvious to me why he was in jail Any self-esteem that he had as a boy or young man was destroyed by his abuse His very essence was rewritten by the men who had abused him Teens get into trouble but they can also learn to later stay out of it by fol-lowing the teachings of those they trust But for this young man his ability to trust was destroyed by the very people who were sup-posed to care for him nurture him and dare I say it love him appro-priately What was even more tragic is that this man came from a cul-ture that has low tolerance for anything that even remotely resem-bles homosexuality
Being abused sent this man on a downward spiral that ultimately turned him into a drug addict by his own admission a junkie who hated himself for what ldquohe had
(Continued on page 32)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoOver the course of
several related careers I
have seen a lot of good
being done Irsquove also
seen a lot of ugliness
that even by todayrsquos
standards defies the
most common
sensibilities we have as
human beingsldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 32
donerdquo His shame and guilt and culture prevented him saying any-thing about what happened It cut him off from any legal action that might take place and removed any sort of financial compensation that he might gain as a result of his abuse It eventually cut him off from his own family because his drug abuse prevented him from working and supporting his wife and family It destroyed his ability to be a good dad and husband A few years later I saw him back in jail again
When I did encounter him again it was with an in-creased sense of awareness within me Every time a man disclosed to me that he had been sexually abused or assaulted I started to die inside A little piece of me just died every time a man said to me what I could not say to myself or anyone else That dormant volcano started to fume a bit more regularly
Over the course of several related careers I have seen a lot of good being done Irsquove also seen a lot of ugliness that even by todayrsquos standards defies the most common sensibilities we have as human beings It exists Itrsquos around every corner if we choose to look at it Along with the ugly we have the good We have people who are willing to take a stand and come forward to say to the world ldquoWe
Inside (Continued from page 31)
have a problem here itrsquos not going to go away and it needs to be fixedrdquo I had the good fortune to meet many of these people last year at a conference on male sex-ual victimization By then I had been able to learn from the men that I serve that perhaps I too could learn to tell someone Could I be a survivor too
Men in jail are there for a reason Whether itrsquos to protect society while they await trial or from
themselves or while sentenced they are here Whether I think they should be here is irrelevant They are usually at the end of their ropes Their lives are upside down and in turmoil They are frequently in withdrawal from illicit drug use They are in the bottom of a pit from which there does not appear to be an escape or refuge They are desperate and will act desperately
if needed They are angry and no longer have any control over their lives Someone has taken that control away from them They have no choice but to comply Failure to comply results in loss of privileges which can include being prohibited from contact with those they love the most Forced co-habitation with other men can evoke strong memories of prior abuse which they cannot deal with let alone understand It can be isolation
They are alone and cannot speak about their issues for fear of being discovered and further stigmatized and trau-matized by a peer group that cannot tolerate differences or diversity
I have been fortunate in that for some reason men trust me and feel safe and able to disclose And when they do you can see the relief on their faces They are scared for sure but it has always seemed to be a relief I have to ask them I have no choice because itrsquos part of my job But now as a survivor myself I can tell them they are not alone I cannot tell them about me but I can tell them they are not alone that they
are among the approximately one in six men who are assaulted or abused when they are boys or young men I can tell them about the few resources we have avail-able for men which are a 100 improvement compared to what they had when they first walked into my office I tell them about MaleSurvivor and have MS posters up in my office I can tell them that
ldquoTougher than lsquoNamrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 33
Maybe not I prefer to think that I have shown them that there is hope There is life in being a survi-vor they donrsquot have to be held hostage any longer by a secret that was put upon them by an abuser I prefer to think that I have been able to show them that they do not have to be ashamed for being male When I speak with them Irsquom a straight shooter I calls rsquoem as I sees lsquoem I use words they can understand mdash street language mdash which helps them understand their bodies and to understand that Mother Nature made them to be reactive and responsive I tell them that simply because their bodies reacted that their bodies re-sponded while being abused did not make the abuse their fault It takes a while to get there at times But the relief when the penny drops and they realize that they themselves were in no way respon-sible for the abuse is quite remark-able
Just this week Irsquove been working with a man who actually smiled when he came into my office He said ldquoI finally get it It wasnrsquot my faultrdquo He then went on to tell me that immediately prior to his at-tending in my office he had just disclosed to his sister while on the phone in his jail area surrounded by other inmates While it was perhaps not the safest venue for a disclosure he made his own deci-sion He said he was taking control As a 35 year old this man has not been in control since he was first abused at age seven Subsequent abuse only reinforced for him that he was an object a thing not worth anything Relationship after relationship failed him as he con-tinued to relive issues of abandon-
there are over 6000 people regis-tered at MS and that when they get out they will find tremendous support at the MS website I can tell them about Weekends of Re-covery without disclosing that attending a WOR was one of the best things I have done with my life They will know that they are no longer alone And not once has anyone asked me directly about me If they did I could not reply which in a round about way is a reply But I cannot reply Why The institution that I work in can be as intolerant of differences and diver-sity as the inmates are of each other The whole notion of male abuse and assault simply does not exist It is not spoken of It will not be spoken of mdash until now
Because abuse is now spoken of I have been able to create a support network for inmates and for myself Itrsquos a small step but a step never-theless Itrsquos spoken of now at a level never before reached in terms of official support and direction Support has yet to be defined but I have a mandate now to do a better job for male survivors Itrsquos on paper Itrsquos my goal
Safety of all concerned has to remain first and foremost mdash safety for the inmate safety for me With inmates disclosing to me often for the first time I am struck by what happens next A huge can of worms is opened And for what There is little safety here little opportunity to follow up The court system tosses these men around like dice One day they are here the next they are God knows where Have I done something that perhaps I shouldnrsquot have Maybe
ment physical and sexual abuse sexual orientation confusion anger management substance abuse domestic violence self respect low self esteem boundaries mdash these and much more impact upon this man daily But hersquos making a start Itrsquos another chance We all need them
I would be remiss to not mention the support of my colleagues Some of them do know about me and they have been tremendously supportive and understanding They too share a belief that it is possible for men to become survivors I cannot imagine doing this work everyday without their ongoing support I love you guys
The resources I refer to are few the Menrsquos Project in Ottawa The Gate-house in Toronto as well as local sexual assault centres I discovered on my own road to recovery that our local sexual assault centre does in fact offer services to men but does not advertise this due to the fear of being inundated with refer-rals They simply are not equipped to handle what surely lies out in my community When the report of the Cornwall Inquiry comes out later this year it is my belief that it will force our government our society to re-examine how its treatment of boys and men is provided Hope-fully those who are like I was feeling alone fearful uncomfortable in their own skin will feel more enabled to come forward to shed that skin that was put on them by their abuser(s) and step out of the ordinary letting their souls ascend and become free
Vol 2 No 2
Page 34
A History of Male Survi-vor Services in Queacutebec
and First Nations Communities
By Caroline Benamza (dance and drama therapistpsychotherapist at CRIPHASE)
And by Benoicirct St Jean (Director of CRIPHASE)
Contact Tel +1-514-529-55-67 Email infocriphaseorg
Website wwwcriphaseorg
T he latest statistics in Queacutebec show that one out of every six men has been sexually
abused before the age of 18 but there are very few statistics regard-ing male survivors and this estima-tion is only based on reported abuse Most adult men or boys who are survivors go unnoticed because most of the services in Queacutebec are exclusively for women In 2008 the male population in Queacutebec was about 3800000 of which about 3000000 are above 20 years of age (from the Institut de la Statistique) Therefore we can estimate that in Queacutebec there are around 500000 male survivors actually visible within the different health care services justice system and police departments The num-ber is already frightening for a seemingly peaceful society like Queacutebec When it comes to Native American communities as many as 80 of boys have been sexually abused before the age of 18 This number is quite similar mdash but for different reasons mdash to the male population within the Federal or Provincial prisons
The reality of male survivors of sexual abuse in childhood has remained in the dark for years in Queacutebec and it is only in the last four years that the government has acknowledged the necessity of funding counseling services for male survivors Historically it can be explained The first services for survivors have been developed since the 1960s within the very strong Queacutebeacutecois feminist move-ments The women have built along the years a strong network of ser-vices for female vic-tims of sexual abuse and domestic vio-lence Today these services still exist as the CALACS (Centres dAide et de Lutte contre les Agressions agrave Caractegravere Sexuel = Sexual Assault Cen-tres) network for survivors of sexual abuse Due to a strong belief in pro-viding a safe haven for women survivors men were turned away from these services and had nowhere to go Only two survivorsrsquo centres in the Montreal area outside the CALACS network welcomed men but those men represent only 5 of clients
This situation became obvious when the CAVAC (Centre drsquoAide pour les Victime drsquoActes Criminels = Crime Victims Assistance Centres) started to provide counseling ser-
vices to victims of criminal acts who wished to press charges and go through a court procedure The first services in Queacutebec for male survivors therefore came from a strong need in the society In 1996 the CAVAC decided to fund an experimental program directed by Denis Reneacute to offer a support group for male survivors This program was named the PHASE Groups (Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = For Men Sexually Abused in Child-
hood) With the suc-cess of these first groups between 1996 and 1997 the CAVAC of Montreal tried to secure funding for the continuation of services Unfortu-nately the PHASE Groups suffered from the double status it carried within the government the Minister of Justice that was the main funder of the CAVAC refused to fund a counseling service supposedly to be funded by the Health Minister Later the Health Minister turned down the
funding because as part of CAVAC the program should have been funded by the Minister of Justice
So it was in 1997 that Denis Reneacute decided to secure the future of the PHASE Groups by registering them
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoWhen it comes to
Native American
communities as many
as 80 of boys have
been sexually abused
before the age of 18
This number is quite
similarmdashbut for different
reasonsmdashto the male
population within the
Federal or Provincial
prisonsrdquo
February 2009
Page 35
intimacy and sexuality issues) and PHASE Artistique (a 10 weeks art and movement therapy program) with a holistic approach to body and mind recovery
In 2008 the very first weekend of recovery (named PHASE Weekend) was created and CRIPHASE wishes to make the weekend an annual event In 2003 for the first time
CRIPHASE became a full member of the Table de Concertation en Agressions Sexuelles (a gathering of several organizations providing services to survivors in addition to representatives from the Justice the Health Minister and the police) This cooperation allows a better understanding of survivor issues and needs as well as a better coor-
within a non-profit organization that took the name CRIPHASE (Centre de Resources et drsquointervention Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = Resource and Intervention Centre for Men who have been Sexually Abused in Childhood) For 10 years the Groups have survived on pri-vate funding and have provided two recovery Groups called PHASE 1 and PHASE 2 Each PHASE is a 10-week program serving non-offending male survivors over 18 years of age and of all sexual orienta-tions With its first public funding in 2004 of $38000 a director was en-gaged by the board of administration and in 2008 the PSOC (a funding body within the agency of Health and Social Services) fi-nally secured the future of CRIPHASE with a first major funding rooting CRIPHASE in the circle of sexual abuse survivors centres
Since 2006 CRIPHASE has devel-oped a major politics of visibility through the media conferences and meetings with the different actors of the Queacutebeacutecois stage Three more programs have been developed within CRIPHASE PHASE Conjoint (for partners of male survivors) PHASE Sexo (a 10 weeks program of recovery focusing on
dination of services on the ground From within the Table CRIPHASE has been able to educate people on the issue of male survivors and participate or initiate projects such as the Information Guide for Sexual Assault Victims and the first pre-vention mobilization and aware-ness march for sexual abuse survi-vors in 2008 The presence of CRIPHASE at the Table has also
allowed the feminists within the CALACS to have a better under-standing of the suffer-ing of male survivors who are also victims in their own way of an old patriarchal system CRIPHASE was also finally incorporated in the CALACS coordina-tion groupmdashcalled Table des CALACS mdash in 2008
Until 2008 there were no services provided in English (Queacutebec is a French-speaking province where Eng-lish speakers are a minority) due to lack of funding to translate the PHASE 1 docu-ments and employ English-speaking therapists The project
to offer groups in English had been put aside for years but finally in 2008 the first groups of PHASE 1 and 2 opened for English speakers The PHASE Artistique and PHASE Weekend are now bilingual pro-grams
(Continued on page 36)
Phone calls received at CRIPHASE
male survivors
therapists
relatives and loved ones
other
The average male survivor using the services at CRIPHASE is aged between 35 and 55
Vol 2 No 2
Page 36
Male survivors in the Native American
communities Recovery programs within Native American communities are only starting Many Native American men were sexually abused as well as psychologically and emotionally abused when they were sent to boarding schools across the province for assimila-tion The effects of this traumatic experience (including historic trauma) can be seen in all First Nations of Queacutebec Algonquians Cris Innus Abenakis Innuits Micmacs and so forth Today there is a strong need of heal-ing for this lost gen-eration but traumatic experiences and con-sequences have been passed on to the next generations Unfortu-nately sexual abuse is one of these problems which need to be addressed through prevention and coun-seling in a way that will integrate Native American traditions and their holistic ap-proach to medicine Such programs already exist within some communi-ties Organizations like GRIPMA (Groupe de Recherches et dInter-ventions Psychosociales en Milieu Autochtone = Research and Inter-vention group in Aboriginal Com-munities) located in the Huron
History of Male Survivor Services (Continued from page 35)
community of Wendake (near Queacute-bec city) provide a clinical expertise in intervention within Native Ameri-can communities On the other side the Aboriginal Healing Foun-dation based in Ottawa is currently funding 16 recovery projects for the First Nations in Queacutebec ad-dressing sexual abuse addiction prevention of suicide boarding schools trauma etc until 2010
Last year the publication of the five-year funding plan on sexual abuse by the provincial govern-ment of Queacutebec has seen the recognition of male survivors as a population in great need of ser-vices It has also recognized the necessity of providing services to the First Nations communities
Things are changing in Queacutebec for male survivors Because CRIPHASE is the only organization providing support and counseling to men in Queacutebec who have been sexually abused in childhood there is great hope for an increase of funding this year The constant develop-ment of CRIPHASE and the increase in phone calls and numbers of guys within the services (in 2008-
2009 there will be seven groups of PHASE 1 in-stead of five the year before) also show that men in Queacutebec are get-ting the right information on sexual abuse and services and are being encouraged to look for help and engage in re-covery
If you are one of these men in Queacutebec we are waiting for your call Remember you are not alone
For the annual march event please visit wwwmarchevasca (Information for the May 2009 march will be on line from February 2009)
Quilt Square by a Native Child from Alberta From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 37
MaleSurvivor is men surviving sexual abuse in Canada we will start with Canadarsquos sad legacy of abuse of children by clergy
A Brief Incomplete Canadian History
In Canada our First Nations People have had to bear the legacy of abuse they endured in Canadarsquos notorious residential schools Cur-rent issues of addictions and family and mental health problems amongst our First Nations people can be traced back to the legacy of abuse experienced by Native chil-dren in residential schools
Around 1874 the federal government began working with the churches (Catholic Anglican United and Presbyte-rian) to set up the Residential School System as a means to suppress Native cul-ture and promote assimilation In gen-eral children between the ages of five and 16 were taken from their parents and sent to church-run residen-tial schools The extent of the abuse in these church-run schools has been referred to as the ldquoCanadian Holocaustrdquo Recently the Canadian Government formed the Truth and Reconciliation Commis-sion (TRC) as part of the court-approved Indian Residential Schools Settlement Agreement The
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious
Leader By Nancy N Mayer MSW RSW
Partner Crisci amp Mayer Consultation Counselling and
Training Toronto wwwckmconsultationcom
Introduction
L ikely all the readers of this newsletter have knowledge and expertise about men
being physically sexually and emotionally abused Research tells us that abusers can come from any
walk of life and most often are known to the child or adult In the last decade abuse by clergy has finally ldquocome out of the closetrdquo so to
speak thanks to those brave survi-vors who have made public their experiences of being abused by clergy More than ever survivor groups are encouraging victims to report these crimes to the police and to consider seeking civil re-dress for their injuries Many groups believe that change in churches will only come when they are held accountable for the abuse perpetrated by clergy
This article will attempt to address the distinctive issues that are com-mon to this population of survivors Because the focus of this issue of
purpose of the commission is not to determine guilt or innocence but to create an historical account of the residential schools help people to heal and encourage reconciliation between Aboriginal and non-aboriginal Canadians
The notorious Mount Cashel Or-phanage is another Canadian leg-acy of sexual abuse by clergy This facility was operated in Newfound-land by the Christian Brothers More than a dozen priests were convicted after decades of abusing young boys at the orphanage
Mount Cashel Or-phanage closed in 1989 just six months after allegations of sexual physical and emotional abuse were published by the media (For more in depth information see Harris Michael Unholy Orders Trag-edy at Mount Cashel Ontario Viking Press 1990)
Like the US there have been hundreds and perhaps thou-sands of cases of children and vulner-
able adults abused by clergy in every religious denomination Unlike the US our country is not bound as strictly by statutes of limitations so lawsuits can proceed more freely Our sentences for convicted clerical sex offenders are
(Continued on page 38)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Nancy N Mayer
ldquo[First Nations] children
between the ages of five
and 16 were taken from
their parents and sent to
church-run residential
schools The extent of
the abuse in these
church-run schools has
been referred to as the
lsquoCanadian Holocaustrsquoldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 38
nowhere near as severe as those of our American neighbours Most first offenders will not serve a day in jail The civil awards for personal inju-ries are also quite low Our court system promotes set-tling these cases out of court When a case fails to go to trial it is not part of the public re-cord The widespread use of confidentiality orders media fatigue and Canadian reserve means that it is impos-sible to obtain accurate statistics on how often men are abused by clergy or even the ex-tent of the problem in this country
The Authority of Rel igious Leaders Religious organizations have always played a central role in our so-cieties They provide moral ethical and spiritual guidance Reli-gious teachings have given us a context and meaning for our lives Most religious belief revolves around a divine power or God Religious leaders (ministers priests rabbis elders nuns) are thought to be Godrsquos earthly repre-sentatives and are treated with reverence and respect They have intimate involvement with families and children at such vulnerable times as an illness death or other family crises They may have access
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 37)
to confidential information by virtue of their roles of confessor or counsellor A child brought up by religious parents is taught to re-spect these men and women Oth-ers associated with churches mdash choir leaders teachers cantors youth group leaders mdash are also considered trustworthy by virtue of their close
association with their religious organizations Most parents en-courage their childrenrsquos participa-tion in church-based activities believing them to be safe and wholesome
These leaders are considered to be esteemed authorities and as repre-sentatives of God wield a great deal of power Depending on the faith group there may be teachings
that support an unquestioning adherence to their instructions and guidance This makes children and vulnerable adults particularly sus-ceptible to exploitation by this group because they have access opportunity and trust
Misuse of Power Perpetrators can utilize their positions of power and trust to gain access to their victims some-times for extended periods of uninterrupted time They may tell children that they are being asked to ldquoserve Godrdquo or that they or their families will be punished if they do not do as instructed Chil-dren may be threatened with eternal damnation or blamed for leading the religious leader into sin If the religion con-siders premarital sex or same sex contacts as sinful the guilt will be compounded
In most cases the victim will not disclose or may disclose but not be
believed A child will have a difficult time convincing adults that he or she has been victimized The vic-timrsquos family culture or communi-ties have been socialized to see their religious leaders as unques-tionably good and incapable of lies This can lead to others denying or minimizing the victimrsquos experience of abuse The victim is initially harmed by the abuser and then is revictimized by those who cannot
ldquoMay Hope be Passed through Every Handrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 39
institutionrsquos response and lack of compassion and pastoral care
The Impact on Spir ituality
The frequently used term ldquosoul murderrdquo aptly describes what hap-pens when the abuser is a religious leader When the response of the religious institu-tion to a disclosure of abuse is experienced as self-serving and uncaring the survivor will likely lose his faith in the religious community of which he has been a part To belong and to feel connected is a basic human need When abused by clergy the loss of connection and belonging to what may have been a spiritual anchor can be devastating
To compound the harm the abuse may have occurred in a religious building The abuser may have worn traditional cleri-cal attire or may have made religious or biblical refer-ences As a result being exposed to religious symbols music or any other reminder can trigger flashbacks and other uncomfortable physical symptoms
The cleric is often considered Godrsquos representative on earth This gives the cleric power that surpasses his position and status When abuse is at the hands of a minister nun
accept that their spiritual leaders are capable of abuse There are many stories of clergy abuse survi-vors being abandoned by their religious communities (who side with the cleric) and their families who cannot face leaving the church that has given their lives meaning and comfort The resultant feelings of betrayal and abandonment are profound
The Role of the Religious Inst itutions
When religious institutions hold themselves up as ethical compasses and arbitrators of right and wrong society has an expectation that church leaders will act in a fair and moral way Many US Commissions and Grand Juries and Canadian reports such as the Winter Com-mission Report (Archdiocese of St Johns Newfoundland Canada 1990) Child Abuse in Community Institutions and Organizations and Improving Public and Professional Understanding (prepared for the Law Commission of Canada) all record and explain the dynamics that have lead to the failure of religious institutions to protect our children
While it is well known that any institution mdash educational recrea-tional or spiritual mdash is not immune from having sex offenders in its midst the religious institutions have a particular legacy of protect-ing the institution through aggres-sive legal tactics versus truth telling and reconciliation Many victims state that they have been less wounded by the actual abuse and profoundly more damaged by the
priest rabbi minister or elder the recipient of the abuse may experi-ence profound guilt for ldquoparticipatingrdquo in ldquosinfulrdquo behaviour mdash a mistaken belief that he is respon-sible for the abuse or shame that
he has ldquosinnedrdquo He may believe he is deserving of rejection or eternal damnation If he confesses he risks exposing the cleric who has likely done what he could to trick the victim into believing that he must maintain silence and secrecy One survivor describes feeling that rdquoIt was like being abused by God him-self If even God couldnrsquot love me how could anyone else ever love merdquo
These factors alone can leave a man who has been abused by clergy unable to find comfort and solace in what used to be his spiritual beliefs and his church Without these familiar beliefs the survivor is aban-
doned and alone when he most needs support
The Role of Gender While woman are ordained in some denominations there is still an imbalance of power between men and women in many religious tradi-tions For boys and men abused by male clerics embarrassment and
(Continued on page 40)
ldquoThe frequently used
term lsquosoul murderrsquo aptly
describes what happens
when the abuser is a
religious leader When
the response of the
religious institution to a
disclosure of abuse is
experienced as self-
serving and uncaring
the survivor will likely
lose his faith in the
religious community of
which he has been
a partrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 40
concerns of how they will be per-ceived promote silence For the boy or man abused by a female cleric there may be worries that he will be labelled the seducer or pres-sured to consider this ldquorelationshiprdquo as non-abusive
The study conducted by the John Jay Col-lege of Criminal Jus-tice regarding The Nature and Scope of the Problem of Sexual Abuse of Minors by Priests and Deacons in the Catholic Church (Washington DC USCCB 2004) found some very disturbing information about the age and gender of victims The largest group of reported victims (509) was between the ages of 11 and 14 273 of victims were 15 to 17 16 were eight to 10 and nearly 6 were under age seven Overall 81 of vic-tims were male and 19 female Male victims tended to be older than female victims Over 40 of all victims were males between the ages of 11 and 14
The largest group of reported victims in this study consisted of boys who were entering puberty This is a tumultuous time in most
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 39)
young menrsquos lives To have this period of development disrupted can contribute to many mental health problems including lack of confidence disruption of emo-tional sexual and psycho-social development isolation sexual identity confusion depression anxiety and abuse of substances
In Summary The harm experienced by those
who are abused by clergy is profound and multifaceted Some therapists will not want to work with survivors of clergy abuse due to the complexity of their issues their limited knowledge of the subject area possible religious biases and potential for litigation Most (but certainly not all) survivors will have experienced revictimization by their churches or religious institutions This compounded by abuse by a religious leader in a position of power will under-standably lead to unique challenges Survivors will have
significant trust issues that can impede the forming of a trusting therapeutic relationship with a therapist who will also be in a position of power and may be an employee of an institution With transparency and skill on the part of the therapist and tenacity on the part of the survivor effective thera-
peutic partnership can be achieved While recovery is difficult it is possible
The irony is that many survivors of abuse by clergy have a strong sense of integrity morality and perseverance They learned the lessons that the ldquoreligiousrdquo offend-ers failed to learn At the core of their beings these clergy abuse survivors are the prophets who have come to speak the truth and reveal the abuse and the decep-tions It is this desire for social justice truth telling belonging and connection that will allow a healthy spiritual belief system to rise out of the ashes of what has happened It is this healthy spiritual belief that makes many clergy abuse survivors persistent and tenacious in seeking recovery and social justice They are making a difference and chang-ing the world as we know it
ldquoThe harm experienced
by those who are
abused by clergy is
profound and
multifaceted Some
therapists will not want
to work with survivors
of clergy abuse due to
the complexity of their
issues their limited
knowledge of the
subject area possible
religious biases and
potential for litigationldquo
February 2009
Page 41
tion of it earlier in the lsquo90s but 1997 is when there was a critical mass of mostly male survivors coming forward and taking action against Maple Leaf Gardens Your question specifically was ldquoDid it play a role in my choice of ca-reersrdquo
MS Yes
SJ Yes and no The Maple Leaf
Gardens cases were not my first sexual assault cases but my in-volvement in these cases solidified my interest and desire to help sur-vivors
MS Could you take a few minutes to explain to our readers just what the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal was and why it has played a central role in revealing the extent of sex-ual abuse at least in the Toronto area
of my clients will say something like ldquoYou know this is not about the money I donrsquot care how much I get this is about something elserdquo And whatever that person seeks mdash an apology or the empowerment of filing a lawsuit or a million other unique things mdash that is why I do this kind of work Itrsquos about helping people through whatever process they need in order to begin that healing process the moving forward process
MS And also to provide your clients with a sense of justice
SJ Absolutely Justice is really not about the money itrsquos about the knowledge that theyrsquove come forward theyrsquove done something and theyrsquove empowered themselves It takes a tre-mendous amount of courage to do that I am always in awe of my cli-ents for the amount of courage they have They are my inspiration
MS Many Americans are unaware of the so-called Maple Leaf Gar-dens sex scandal that began some-time in the 1960s but didnrsquot come to wide public attention until 1997 the year after you began practicing law Did this scandal have some affect on your choice of career
SJ Actually the scandal did come to prominence before 1997 There was scattered media atten-
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 1)
SJ Sure There was a series of men who were employed at Maple Leaf Gardens which was the home of the Toronto Maple Leafs mdash the hockey club mdash who over a period of a couple of decades sexually abused probably hundreds of chil-dren It started in the lsquo60s it went on we believe until the early lsquo80s There were two principal men in-volved but there were at least three
others who also were ac-cused In order to under-stand why the Maple Leaf Gardens sex scandals are as important as they are you have to understand that hockey in Toronto and hockey in Canada is almost a religion Hockey is to Canadians what the NFL or Major League Baseball is to Americans Every little boy dreams of about becoming the next Wayne Gretzky becoming the best hockey player he can be Maple Leaf Gar-dens was the home of one of the best loved and biggest hockey teams mdash the Toronto Maple Leafs The Gardens was the high
temple of hockey in Canada and still is In the lsquo60s lsquo70s and even the lsquo80s children mdash mostly boys mdash would go to Maple Leaf Gardens usually unaccompanied by their parents because back then nobody really thought that anything bad would happen to them at the Gar-dens The boys would go there ei-ther for practice games or to watch the Maple Leafs play or more likely they would go to watch To-
(Continued on page 42)
ldquoMaple Leaf Gardens in Memory of Martin Kruzerdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 42
ronto Marlies games The Marlies were the farm team for the Toronto Maple Leafs During these games and these practices the pedophiles who worked at the Gardenrsquos would often befriend these boys seeking out boys who were more vulner-able than others most likely and would sexually assault the boys sometimes off-property but most often within the Gardens itself They would use their position as employees of the Gardens to be able to say to the boys if you come with me Irsquoll get you a broken hockey stick or hockey puck or Irsquoll get you into better seats the next game or whatever other type of inducement would be necessary to get the boys to go with them into either a washroom or a training room or other private place where the boys would be sexually abused
In 1997 there were about 50 or 60 cases all joined to-gether and Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Entertainment Ltd wanted to settle all the cases prior to the Toronto Maple Leafs moving into a new hockey rink called the Air Canada Center so as to have a clean slate at the new rink By and large a lot of the litigation was fin-ished before the team moved into the Air Canada Center but not all of it In fact there are probably 17 or 19 cases going through the court
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 41)
system today more than 10 years after the original large group of plaintiffs went through the court and I believe that new people will continue to come forward when they are strong enough
MS I understand that one of the principal plaintiffs in the case Mar-tin Kruze had settled with the owners or the operators of the Ma-ple Leaf Gardens in 1995 and that he signed a confidentiality agree-ment not to reveal the settlement
or perhaps even the details of what had happened to him Do you think that the confidentiality agree-ment Mr Kruze agreed to slowed down or hindered the full exposure of this scandal
SJ I think that any confidentiality agreement blocks public access to knowledge and to understanding so I do suspect that Martinrsquos confi-dentiality agreement did have some impact on the scandal re-
maining hidden for as long as it did Absolutely yes I believe that confidentiality agreements are in-herently difficult for plaintiffs be-cause they create and continue a cycle of secrecy Sexual assault is a crime that is almost always carried out in secret and the guilt and shame it produces is key in helping pedophiles maintain their hold over their victims Putting a confidential-ity agreement on a settlement just perpetuates the guilt and the shame
MS Unfortunately Martin Kruzersquos principal perpetrator received a shockingly light sen-tence for all his actions and I understand that this led to Martin com-mitting suicide shortly afterwards
SJ I would think that the perpetratorrsquos sentence was a part of why Martin chose to end his life yes It hap-pened relatively shortly after the sentencing and I suspect that it weighed heavily on Martinrsquos decision
MS Do you think that the sen-tence that the perpetrator received was a reflection of the then current attitude towards pedophiles and sexual abuse
SJ The sentence that the perpe-trator received was a reflection on the way that the Canadian justice system deals with criminals regard-ing personal crimes absolutely It was a very low sentence in keep-
Imants Kruze visiting his sonrsquos memorial quilt square in the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 43
obtain here versus how much they can obtain in the United States In the United States there is no cap for pain and suffering awards whereas here in Canada there is a very small cap mdash about $325000 If a survivor of sexual assault goes through the court system and even if they have a very good day in court in terms of compensation yoursquore probably looking at an award for dam-ages somewhere be-tween $200000 and $500000 Sometimes itrsquos actually less than $200000 and very very rarely more than $500000 so in that sense we are defi-nitely behind But I donrsquot think itrsquos a question of waiting 10 years to see if we ldquocatch uprdquo I think itrsquos just a fundamental difference in how our court system works and whatrsquos available to survivors in terms of compensation
If you mean that Canada is 10 years behind in dealing with other aspects of sexual assault then you are probably correct in terms of media attention public awareness and outrage Sexual assault is still largely an unreported unprose-cuted crime But things are getting better every day and as more and more survivors come forward posi-tive changes will continue to hap-pen
MS As Irsquom sure you know therersquos periodic discussion about tort re-
ing with what was handed out at the time and to a large extent itrsquos still in keeping with what is handed out right now
MS Are you still representing or have you represented anyone who is a plaintiff in this scandal
SJ I was very much involved in the core group of Maple Leaf Gar-dens survivors that came forward in 1997 I was on what was called the plaintiffsrsquo committee back then which was a group of a few lawyers who brought the litigation forward I represented a number of plaintiffs in the original group that came forward I have also represented quite a few men throughout the last 10 years and currently repre-sent two men in the last group of plaintiffs to come forward I have also been approached by at least two other men who may decide to pursue litigation
MS Dale English mdash who has spo-ken to you at some length mdash has said to me that either you or he or both of you have felt that Canada is perhaps 10 or more years behind the US in dealing with the issues of sexual abuse and sexual assault Could you elaborate on that com-ment
SJ I think it depends on what you mean by dealing with the is-sues If you mean dealing with the issues in terms of bringing civil cases forward to a certain extent we are behind One of the funda-mental differences between the United States and Canada is the way that our tort systems operate and specifically the amount of compensation that tort victims can
form in the United States mainly aimed at capping punitive dam-ages Irsquom wondering whether there is the mirror of that in Canada mdash whether therersquos any movement to-wards tort reform that would allow greater awards to victims
SJ Well there is and there isnrsquot In Canada itrsquos very difficult if not
impossible to get pu-nitive damages espe-cially if therersquos a criminal conviction The punitive damages that are available in Canada are very low A typical punitive damage award would be $20000 or $25000 - usually not much more than that So damages are quite restricted here in any event In terms of tort reform I think there is a global push by in-surance companies to
try to limit compensation whether in the States or here The things that the American Association of Justice are fighting for down in the States are the same things that the Ontario Trial Lawyers Association are fighting for here mdash the continued ability to sue for compensation un-hampered by legislative roadblocks benefitting powerful institutional defendants to the detriment of those who have suffered Ours is a much smaller playing field and therefore less money is at stake In terms of plaintiffsrsquo lawyers wersquore trying to maximize the compensa-tion that we can get for our client Every time we go to court we try
(Continued on page 44)
ldquoIf you mean that
Canada is 10 years
behind in dealing with
other aspects of sexual
assault then you are
probably correct in
terms of media
attention public
awareness and outrageldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 44
to get a higher damage award so that that case will be a building block for future cases There are always attempts to try to circum-vent the cap on pain and suffering damages that we have Itrsquos not an easy thing to do the cap has been in place in Canada for 32 years now It was put in place in 1977 by the Supreme Court of Canada and itrsquos unlikely to be overturned any-time soon Even though from a purely theoretical legal analysis that cap does not apply to pain and suffering damages for victims of sexual assault and sexual abuse the reality is that judges still use that cap as a high water mark even though it doesnrsquot formally apply mdash it is still a de facto cap and to be honest with you it is almost impos-sible to get anywhere near that cap for compensation for pain and suf-fering A typical pain and suffering award in Canada for childhood sex-ual abuse is somewhere between $100000 and $200000 Anything on top of that would be associated economic loss or care costs
MS Itrsquos quite unfortunate that even though therersquos no real cap the law behaves as if there were one
SJ Yep I couldnrsquot agree with you more Itrsquos very unfortunate
MS I understand that in 2005 the government of Ontario convened whatrsquos known as the Cornwall Pub-lic Inquiry Was the Inquiry con-vened to address the issues of sex-ual abuse and sexual assault and
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 43)
the way the justice system is han-dling it
SJ Thatrsquos probably one of the reasons the Inquiry was convened Thatrsquos one of the hopes The In-quiry was convened because of what was going on in a little city east of Toronto mdash a series of allega-tions against very prominent mem-bers of that community involving the sexual abuse of children over a period of many many years The idea behind the Inquiry is to try to figure out what happened and to put in place some recommenda-tions that will not only stop some-thing like the abuse in Cornwall from happening again but will also try to help those who were affected by the events in the first place And to some extent I think some good will come of the Inquiry Hopefully the recommendations will be good for survivors of childhood sexual abuse or any kind of sexual assault The Submission phase of the In-quiry officially ended late February 2009
MS Did you have the opportunity to testify before the Inquiry
SJ I did not personally testify before the Inquiry Testimony was generally limited to the people ac-tually involved mdash police officers vic-tims what not I was involved in the Inquiry with regards to a panel discussionroundtable that they had regarding the use of confiden-tiality agreements
MS As you probably know Male-Survivor was first founded in the early 1980s by a group of thera-pists who were concerned about support for victims of childhood
sexual abuse and although Male-Survivor is still not a very large or-ganization it has increased its in-fluence significantly over the years and Irsquom wondering whether there is a similar non-profit or other group in Canada that also is dedi-cated to helping victims of child-hood sexual abuse
SJ There are some grass roots organizations that deal with victims of childhood sexual abuse or adult sexual assault I donrsquot believe there is as cohesive a unit as MaleSurvi-vor I may be wrong on that but there are smaller more community based organizations that assist sur-vivors That being said resources available to survivors are unfortu-nately pretty limited
MS Is that because there are too few therapists in that form of prac-tice
SJ I think itrsquos a mixture of many different things First of all Canada has a much smaller population base mdash 30 million people as com-pared to 300 million in the United States mdash so you have significantly fewer people affected and there-fore you have significantly fewer resources available to those people The services that we do have will often have very long waiting lists before people can access them There are some very very good counselors in Canada assisting sur-vivors but unfortunately the waiting lists are sometimes long and the availability for public funding to provide services free of charge is somewhat limited
MS Is there anything in your opinion about the Canadian health
February 2009
Page 45
system that contributes to the scar-city of services
SJ I donrsquot know if itrsquos the Cana-dian health system I think that in Canada we have a pretty good public health system in the sense that anybody who needs medical services can access those services free of charge The problem is that a lot of these services are not covered under our health system per se Many are covered under either private plans or pay as you go type services and itrsquos just a question of finding the people who can provide these services and being lucky enough to get them when they either donrsquot have a waiting list or other-wise having to wait until your name comes up on that waiting list
MS And that could takes years in some cases it seems
SJ My understanding is that those waiting lists can be quite long but there are very good peo-ple out there Itrsquos just a question of finding them and being able to afford them
MS Can you elaborate on other differences between the US and Canada that affect the way survi-vors and perpetrators are treated by the legal system and the media
SJ The differences between Can-ada and the US are really huge On the surface Americans and Canadi-ans look pretty much the same dress the same talk the same eat the same foods and by and large watch the same TV but culturally there is a huge difference in the way we look at the world in the
way our legal system works and the way that people interact with one another
Americans are much more litigious by na-ture I think this is due to the fact that in the United States mdash at least as seen from the outside mdash the rights of the individual are paramount In Can-ada less so Canada is much more commu-nity-oriented We of-tentimes think about how something is going to affect others instead of looking at what an individual might be entitled to I think that the high
damage awards available through the American legal system are beneficial in sexual abuse cases as is the lack of a cap on awards which we have
In some ways though our legal system is much better for my cli-ents than the US system would be because of the way that our actual process works One of the things that I know is very damaging to a lot of plaintiffs in the United States is the whole discovery process tak-
ing depositions Depositions can go on for a huge number of days and pretty much everybody in the per-sonrsquos life can be called to give a deposition That is very troubling and painful for people who donrsquot necessarily want others to know about their abuse or donrsquot want to involve their family Here in Canada depositions mdash or what we call the examination for discovery mdash are lim-ited to the actual named parties in the lawsuit The defendant and the plaintiff are examined for discovery or deposed if you will Anyone who is not an actual party to the litiga-tion can only be discovered under court orders and itrsquos very difficult to get those court orders so in that sense itrsquos a much quicker cleaner process and less intrusive on some-onersquos life So that is probably a good thing
The other really huge difference between the two systems which I think does in fact impact on why a lot of these cases settle as opposed to going to court and oftentimes settle for very different amounts of money than they would if they went to court is that in Canada we have a ldquoloser paysrdquo system If you go to court and you lose you have to pay at least a portion of the fees incurred by the other side Letrsquos say the defendantrsquos settlement offer is $100000 If the plaintiff does not accept that $100000 and at trial the plaintiff gets $99000 then the plaintiff has to pay the lawyerrsquos fees of the defendant because the award is less than the settlement offer That is very difficult That means that a lot of cases are set-tled for probably less money than
(Continued on page 46)
ldquoOn the surface
Americans and
Canadians look pretty
much the same hellip but
culturally there is a
huge difference in the
way we look at the
world in the way our
legal system works and
the way that people
interact with one
anotherldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 46
MS I join you in that hope Any-thing that can advance the cause of not only helping people but also helping prevent further abuses is always going to be welcome If you could set forth a vision of how you would like to see the law and the therapeutic community in Canada evolve to handle matters of child-
hood sexual abuse and sexual assault mdash if you could influence the reform of institu-tions what would your vision be
SJ Oh Richard Wow Well first and foremost I would love to raise public aware-ness of this issue for various reasons I think that increased public awareness will not necessarily reduce the instances of abuse but will help improve how abuse is dealt with when itrsquos ongoing and after-wards Itrsquos very im-portant that when a child is hurt that
child knows that he can go to peo-ple for help and support All too often if kids get up enough cour-age to tell someone the reaction they get is not very positive I think that with increased public aware-ness hopefully people will under-stand that there are ways to deal with this that will decrease the amount of harm so public aware-ness is paramount
I would like the legal system to raise compensation awards for sur-
turning point in bringing to the publicrsquos attention that the sexual assault of children can happen does happen and itrsquos a very diffi-cult thing for anyone to go through whether theyrsquore little boys or grown men that were abused as children It brought childhood sex-ual abuse out of the shadows to a certain extent The scandal still garners media attention as new survivors come forward but not the same as it did 10 years ago
MS Would you say that the lack of inves-tigative reporting is a cultural phenomenon or is it that the news-papers donrsquot feel they have that role
SJ Oh no Canadian newspapers do feel that they have a role in investigating things but for whatever rea-son sexual abuse of children has not been a priority The Cana-dian media really has not been at the forefront of this issue the way the media in the United States has been and I think that is tremen-dously disappointing The lack of media attention means that we arenrsquot fostering the awareness within the public that we need in order to provide real help and ser-vices for survivors We need the mediarsquos help to bring this horrific crime to light and to help stop it from happening
they would get if they went to court because that risk of going to court and not getting at least the amount of the original offer weighs heavily on everyone Our system is designed and geared toward avoid-ing trials which can be good be-cause nobody really wants to go through a trial but can be bad be-cause people become very intimi-dated by the prospect of losing or not getting as much as the settle-ment offer and being indebted to the defendant for a lot of money Thatrsquos a scary scary thing to go through
With regards to the media the US has a media that by and large has helped out a lot with sexual abuse cases The whole issue of clergy abuse really started with investiga-tive reporting by the Boston Globe right
MS Right
SJ They really took that issue and just ran with it Here in Canada we really havenrsquot had the same kind of investigative media cover-age as yoursquove had which is why events like the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal are not as huge as they are down in the States
Before Martin Kruze committed sui-cide the media was only somewhat interested in the Maple Leaf Gar-dens scandal Martin Kruze was a figure because he had sued the Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Com-plex But after he committed sui-cide the media was really galva-nized and that was probably a
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 45)
ldquoThe lack of media
attention means that we
arenrsquot fostering the
awareness within the
public that we need in
order to provide real
help and services for
survivors We need the
mediarsquos help to bring
this horrific crime to
light and to help stop it
from happeningrdquo
February 2009
Page 47
ments but it canrsquot at this stage really happen through the courts
I would want there to be an ability for institutions or perpetrators mdash de-fendants mdash to look beyond mere dollars and cents and look toward healing the person that they have hurt either directly or indirectly All too often in these cases we really become tied up in the legal minu-tiae of things as opposed to defen-dants saying ldquoOK letrsquos step back here and letrsquos try to helprdquo
I wish that there were a real under-standing that these cases are not car accident cases and they should
not be treated as car accident cases My clients are not people whorsquove broken a leg and therefore need X amount of dollars in order to pay for medical services or whatnot And unfortu-nately that doesnrsquot necessarily happen
In terms of the thera-peutic community I would love to see counseling and therapy ses-sions be paid for through the pub-lic purse so that people who re-quire the services of highly-skilled counselors and therapists and psy-chologists can access those services without having to pay for them A lot of clients just donrsquot have the economic means to pay for such services until after they get a set-tlement and that could take years It would be wonderful to see those kinds of services funded the same way as a trip to the emergency room or a trip to your family doc-tor for a cold is funded Irsquod love to
vivors The amount of damage that can be done as a result of child-hood abuse or in fact any kind of sexual assault is tremendous It affects almost every aspect of someonersquos life It becomes inter-generational because it affects the people around the survivor and compensation awards are still very much a pale reflection of what is needed in order to help these peo-ple I hope that at some point our judges and our legislature under-stand that need and can corre-spondingly give appropriate and reasonable damage awards so that people can start to rebuild their lives in a meaningful way
I would love there to be an opportunity within our civil system for more than just compensation At this stage the only thing that a civil judge can do is award monetary compensation There are a lot of creative things that you can do within a settlement that are not purely fi-nancial that can give a lot of sol-ace to someone who has been abused whether that be in the form of some non-financial healing whether it be in the form of a situation where somebody can con-front their abuser if thatrsquos what they wish to do in a safe setting or whether itrsquos the ability for that sur-vivor to do something outside of pure simple dollars and put for-ward some sort of healing plan that is as individual as they are That can happen through settle-
be able to see that I think that that would go a long way to helping people earlier rather than later
Ultimately I wish that this situation didnrsquot exist anymore and I would be put out of business frankly
MS Well I can certainly sympa-thize with the way you feel but it would seem that you have a career ahead of you dealing with this problem
SJ Unfortunately I think you are right I think that instances of child-hood sexual abuse are not neces-sarily going down I think that insti-tutions are getting a little bit better at putting in place policies and sometimes even following their own policies to stop pedophiles from entering those institutions and preying on people that those insti-tutions are theoretically set up to serve but I think that as long as the problem of childhood sexual abuse is with us I will be out there trying to help anybody that I can
MS Is there anything else yoursquod like to say to our readers
SJ I think that organizations such as MaleSurvivor are imperative in helping people understand that they are not alone that itrsquos not their fault and there are ways to get help So hats off to an organi-zation such as yours The clients I have who are involved in your or-ganization are very very well served so I have to thank you for being a resource
MS Thank you very much for your kind comments and for your time Simona
ldquoUltimately I wish that
this situation didnrsquot exist
anymore and I would be
put out of business
franklyrdquo
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-
February 2009
Page 3
Event Calendar
Weekends of Recovery
Date Type Place
March 27-29 2009 Level 1 Sequoia Retreat Center Ben Lomond California
May 15-17 2009 Level 1 Center for New Beginnings Dahlonega Georgia (1 hour north of Atlanta)
September 11-13 2009 Advanced
Alta Lodge Alta Utah (outside of Salt Lake City Utah)
The Advanced Weekend is only open to men who have participated in at least one Level One MaleSurvivor Weekend of Recovery
October 23-25 2009 Level 1 Hope Springs Institute Peebles Ohio (SE Ohio fly into ColumbusCincinnati or Dayton)
Conferences and Workshops
Date Place Description
Workshop 1
April 23 2009 7pm
Plymouth Congre-gational Church 232 E Onodaga
Syracuse NY
An Evening with Mike Lew MEd A free community event no pre-registration required
Interpreter service provided by Fair Access for the Deaf
Workshop 3
April 25 2009 800am - 400pm
Plymouth Congre-gational Church 232 E Onodaga
Syracuse NY
A Full-Day Workshop with Mike Lew For adult non-offending survivors of sexual abuse
Cost $20 (includes lunch) Pre-registration requested No one will be turned away due to inability to pay
Event Calendar Continues on Page 4
Men Hurt Too Healing from Sexual Abuse A 3-day event for survivors friends family allies partners professionals and those who care
3 workshops are available Register at Vera House
Workshop 2
April 24 2009 830am - 1200pm
Tucker Missionary Baptist Church 515 Oakwood Syracuse NY
A Half-Day Workshop with Mike Lew For professionals practitioners and interested others
Cost $20 Pre-registration requested No one will be turned away due to inability to pay
Vol 2 No 2
Page 4
Event Calendar (continued)
Conferences and Workshops
Date Place Description
May 1-3 2009
Center for New Beginnings
129 Center Point Dr Dahlonega GA
Possibilities in the HomestretchmdashAn Experiential Weekend for women survivors of sexual abuse who are beginning to thrive and
want more joy more freedom more personal power Led by Joanna Colrain and Mikele Rauch For more information con-tact Joanna at (770) 220-4059 or Mikele at mikelerauchgmailcom
June 8 2009 930am - 430pm
Ontario Science Centre Talus
Room 770 Don Mills Rd Toronto
Ontario
What Every Victim Treatment Provider Needs to Know about Offender Thinking and Risk
This workshop led by Anna Salter PhD will address common ways offenders confuse trick and manipulate victims and the implications on treating victims who struggle with issues of responsibilities and reporting Sponsored by Crisci amp Mayer For more information call (416) 480-1611 ext 223 or email trainingckmconsultationcom
August 14-16 2009 800am - 500pm
Doubletree Hotel Bradley Interna-tional Airport 16 Ella Grasso Turn-
pike Windsor Locks CT
The Twelfth Annual Ritual Abuse Secretive Organizations and Mind Control Conference
The goal is to help stop future occurrences of ritual abuse to help survivors of ritual abuse to name the groups that have participated in alleged illegal activities and to unite those working to stop ritual abuse For more information visit the conference website or email smartnewsaolcom Pre-registration is preferred
September 21-26 2009
Town and Country Resort amp Conven-tion Center500
Hotel Circle North San Diego CA
The 14th International Conference on Violence Abuse and Trauma
Promoting Peace in the Home Your Community and the World Link-ing Practice Research and Policy Across the Lifespan For more infor-mation visit the conference website or call (858) 627-1860 ext 4030 or email ivatconfalliantedu
March 18-21 2010
John Jay College of Criminal Justice 899 Tenth Ave-nue New York
NY
MaleSurvivor International Conference Relief Healing and Hope for Male Survivors
For adult male survivors of sexual abuse their friends family and loved ones clinicians attorneys law enforcement professionals legal advocates researchers educators students and those who care Watch the MaleSurvivor website for information about being a pre-senter as well as a list of the speakers being lined up The 2010 con-ference promises to be as always a transformative experience
February 2009
Page 5
Connecting the Dots By Dale English MS CAS
I have a very distant memory of being in the first grade in a small New Hampshire town
sitting at my one-piece wood and iron deskchair and being exposed to multitasking for the first time by Sister Mary George She gave me a paper covered with a mass of dots each with a number next to it The task was to connect the numbered dots in ascending order with straight lines If done correctly a
picture would ap-pear serving both as proof of mastery and as an object waiting to be coloredmdasha prize for onersquos efforts Uncon-sciously I must have
been channeling this moment of history as I crisscrossed Canada through emails and phone calls meeting each of the contributors of this Issue and discovering yet again that the first frame of a perception is often quite different from the last
The first dot on this journey be-longed to the woman I think of when anyone says the word ldquoCanadardquo to me Toronto therapist Lynne MacDonell of the Weekend of Recovery team provided her vision of the challenges faced by
survivors in her country and the first of the names that would ac-company each of the next few dots I was led to John Muise and Ellen Campbell from the Canadian Center for Abuse Awareness who write in this issue about the legisla-tive role in abuse Tom Wilken therapist and author who facilitates support groups for men Jim Hall facilitator from the Menrsquos Trauma Group Program in Scarborough Ontario Glenn Allan a local radio personality who facilitates a support group for male survi-vors J A a survivortherapist who serves in an area necessitat-ing confidentiality and Robert Hawkings a psychotherapist who is the newest member of the Week-end of Recovery program
The dots that followed came with names like Bruce Jordan David and Robert all alumni of the WOR program courageously willing to share some of their journeys with our readers Then the newest mem-ber of the MS newsletter team Mark H volunteered to take on the massive task of locating sup-port groups and other services for male survivors across Canada It was then from Mark that we re-ceived the name of the person who would be this Issuersquos front page interview attorney Simona Jellinek From Simona came the name of psychotherapist Nancy Mayer who
works with survivors of clergy sex-ual abuse and from Nancy came the name of Robert Beacuterubeacute who founded a male survivor Facebook page facilitates groups and advo-cates for services for male survivors Everyone mentioned thus far is
from the province of Ontario However a dance and movement colleague from France Caroline Benamza who also works in Queacutebec province provided our final dot repre-senting our French speaking brothers who are serviced by an organization called CRIPHASE My at-tempts to connect with men and women
whose efforts lie with serving First Nations people and their survivors from residential schools were un-successful Their stories will be told the next time we visit Canada in a future Issue of the newsletter
What a journey it has been for me to meet and converse with such wonderful and committed men and women all focused on doing what they can to make a difference in the life of men who were once innocent little boys These are ordinary people doing extraordinary things as they shed light on crimes against the most vulnerable of humanity on a scale that equals some of worldrsquos worst moments Let this Issue of the newsletter
(Continued on page 7)
Just a Thought
Dale English
ldquoLet this Issue of the
newsletter serve as the
screaming voice that
every survivor wished he
had possessed to call for
someone to enter the
room and stop the
abuserdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 6
By Richard Cleverly
O n a cold October morning in 1997 Martin Kruze a courageous young man
who had been an inspiration to thousands of sexually abused Cana-dian men leapt to his death from Torontorsquos Bloor Street Viaduct Three days earlier his abuser of many years (and the sexual abuser of many other boys) Gordon Stuck-less had been sentenced to two years plus a day for his crimes mdash a mere slap on the wrist and more
than Martin could bear
Eight months ear-lier 35 year old Martin Kruze went public with his harrow-ing story of his sexual abuse most
of which occurred between 1975 and 1982 in Canadarsquos high temple of hockey Torontorsquos Maple Leaf Gardens In 1993 Martin sued Ma-ple Leaf Sports and Entertainment the operator of the Gardens which settled with him for $60000 in re-turn for his silence about what had happened to him and others at the Gardens
Four years later and a month after another hockey-related story of sexual abuse broke in the national media Martin decided to end his silence Martinrsquos story galvanized the media and shocked and out-
raged the Canadian public as no other revelation of sexual abuse had In the months that followed Martin used his ldquocelebrityrdquo to begin working to help his fellow survi-vors many of whom still credit him with helping save their lives But tragically his good works and the adulation he received did little to alleviate the terrible pain and suffering the rage and self-hatred and the profound despair that had led him to attempt sui-cide several times previously
A few months before his death Martin visited Michael Irving PhD the creator of the wonderful Child Abuse Survivor Monument in To-ronto Martin wanted to contribute his own ldquoquilt squarerdquo to the Monu-ment and arranged to work on it that fall Martin died before he could make his contribution how-ever with the assistance of Martinrsquos brothers Dr Irving made a death cast of Martinrsquos hand and sculpted a portrait of Martin from the family photo above His father Imants Kruze named the finished work ldquoMartinrsquos Hoperdquo which later be-came the title of a policy document published by the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness recommend-ing comprehensive reform of the criminal justice system (see page 28)
I have chosen to grace this publica-tion with several images of the beautiful and poignant bronzed quilt squares from the Monument
Although Martinrsquos tragic story did much to help raise awareness of male sexual abuse and assault in Canada and prepare the ground for reforms much work remains to create an integrated system of care for abused men The contributors to this special Canadian issue of the MaleSurvivor newsletter ndash care providers and advocates attorney Simona Jellinek who seeks justice for survivors and the men who tell their stories ndash share a common goal of advancing the cause of boys and men who have suffered so much at the hands of predators including First Nations people who were vic-tims of the ldquoCanadian Holocaustrdquo (see page 37)
I extend my deepest gratitude to you all
Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze
Richard Cleverly
Martin Kruze
February 2009
Page 7
serve as the screaming voice that every survivor wished he had pos-sessed to call for someone to enter the room and stop the abuse We have just scratched the surface in this effort to respond to the men of Canada So much more is needed and networking is at the center of any successful effort I would ask all our Canadian readers to contact one of these contributors and ask what you could do in this most worthy endeavor And take heart because when all the dots are connected a picture appears It is the picture of compassion and hope It is a picture of many pic-tures and they all have names And theyrsquore waiting for you
Connecting the Dots (Continued from page 5)
reclaim onersquos life and the free-dom to thrive and not simply exist
Being with other men who will absolutely provide support to one another no matter how different they may be in terms of history esteem country of origin abuse history masculin-ityfemininity or sexual orienta-tion and
Being in a safe enough space to speak to move to sing to breathe deeply to create with or without formal artistic train-ing to listen and to connect
Our next weekend mdash March 27-29 mdash will take place at the Sequoia Re-treat Center in Ben Lomond Cali-
Warm Welcome (Continued from page 2)
fornia nestled in the redwood madrone and tan oak forest of the Santa Cruz Mountains As of the third week of February we have 21 registrants with room for 28 I am not sure how many spaces will be available when you receive this so if you are interested jump in fast And if you are too late remember we have three more Level One weekends this year Dahlonega outside of Atlanta May 15-17 Hope Springs in SW Ohio Oct 23-25 and then our yet to be an-nounced weekend in Canada For those of you who are alumni you have already received our first sur-vey to help us plan the Advanced Weekend (open to any man who has attended a Level One WOR) slated for the beautiful Alta Lodge in Alta Utah outside of Salt Lake City September 11-13
Weekend of Recovery 27 at Mysthaven November 2008
Vol 2 No 2
Page 8
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Sexual assault will always be an individual experience however I think we have all witnessed via the media that when a man comes forward with his experience of sexual abuse it often uncovers a mother lode of hidden institutional
or multiple abuses Boy Scouts churches training schools private schools sports teams all flooding our TV screens and our minds with the troubling stories of scores of men abused over decades I hesi-tate to speculate that the next big exposure of institutionalized abuse will be the reporting of psychiat-ric hospitals That
exposeacute must wait for those institu-tionally traumatized men and women to find their courage and their voices
It has been my experience that pockets of expertise develop in different areas of our country and those victims of abuse fortunate enough to be able to access those resources benefit greatly Beyond those resourced areas men are left living ldquolives of quiet desperationrdquo
In 2004-2005 the Menrsquos Project in Ottawa received some time-limited funding to compile a list of thera-peutic resources and programs for male survivors A great beginning but unfortunately resources ran out and the website had to be shut down
At our clinic in Toronto Ontario Canada we run three treatment groups a week for adult men who were sexually traumatized as chil-dren This year mdash 2009 mdash the program is celebrating its fifteenth year
The difficulty in pre-senting a picture of the state of treatment for men who have suffered from sexual abuse is that there is no coordination of resources at any level in Toronto in Ontario in Canada No one really has the big picture There was a conference held in Toronto last year that illustrated that there are a number of won-derful people and programs across the province that are doing what they can for traumatized men
The spark that got our group pro-gram running was a desperate call in 1992 to SASAT (Scarborough Agencies Sexual Abuse Treatment program) from a man who could find no professional government funded resource to help him deal with his childhood trauma In To-ronto we have the ldquoBlue Bookrdquo a listing of social service resources that is the size of a medium sized cityrsquos phone book In all those many pages there was half a page listing resources for men who were either alcoholics or abusing their wives
Reflections from Canada
By Jim Hall
Wolfwood Canada
wolfwoodcanadarogerscom
I was asked by MaleSurvivor to give some reflections on my experience as a therapist dealing
with male sexual traumatisation in Canada
I began my professional journey in 1985 working in a childrenrsquos De-tention Centre I worked with street kids through Covenant House in
treatment classrooms and for the past fifteen years in a hospital-based clinic Over the past three years I have become increasingly involved with
the Inuit of Canadarsquos Arctic dealing with issues of trauma including cultural trauma
In 2005 I wrote Creating Courage Search amp Rescue a manual for people in the caring professions who deal with trauma and anxiety In March of 2005 I began present-ing ldquoInside the Male Mind Identify-ing Resistance and Opportunity in the Treatment of Boys and Teen Guys Who Have Experienced Sexual Abuserdquo throughout the province of Ontario
Jim Hall
ldquoThe mass of men lead
lives of quiet
desperation
What is called
resignation is confirmed
desperationrdquo
mdashHenry David Thoreau
1854
February 2009
Page 9
One of our shining resources in Canada is the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness Headed by Ellen Campbell the CCAA has always been a strong advocate and sup-porter of men who have suffered sexual trauma It coordinated Mar-tinrsquos Hope which was a public forum supported by the Toronto Maple Leaf organization under the direction of General Manager and hockey great Ken Dryden Sadly Martin Kruze who blew the whistle on the Maple Leaf Gardens abuse scandal committed suicide but because of his courage many men found the strength to seek help
Like the United States Canada is a country of many cultures To understand where Canada is at in its response to the sex-ual abuse of males we have to be aware of different culturesrsquo take on the idea of ldquowhether or not males can be sexually abusedrdquo Strange question to all that will be reading this newsletter but I have talked to men of various cultures whose isolation is magnified by the cultural belief that ldquoit doesnrsquot happen to black men (unless theyrsquore gay)rdquo or ldquoit doesnrsquot happen in Indian culturerdquo What do you do when an experi-ence that doesnrsquot happen in your culture happens to you
On my office wall hangs a picture of a wolf hiding behind a tree It was drawn by a man who fought
the good fight and lost The feeling of being ldquoutterly alonerdquo over-whelmed him and his life was lost to suicide The stakes can be no higher There are few fights that are harder What keeps me going as a therapist as a man are the brave men who stay the course who push out the darkness finding strength in the company of other men who also fight to reclaim their livesrsquo potential
As a Canadian trauma therapist I am encouraged that our collective culture continues to move forward This past year our Prime Minister
apologized in the parliament of our country to our native peoples who were victimized by the residential school atrocities which mdash for many mdash included sex-ual abuse I have had the honour to work in our high Arctic with the Inuit There I have found a wonderful culture which wants to heal It didnrsquot begin so smoothly though for me Dur-ing my first visit there
while trying to start a menrsquos group the interpreter said to me ldquoItrsquos really offensive that you should come up here and talk to us about our traumardquo In the subsequent years of working together he and I have become friends
In the north and in the south I find the same troubling story Young men lost disconnected caught up in the world of drugs alcohol and
crime desperately searching for a sense of meaning and belonging Although not all have been sexually abused many have Our young men and men in general lack men-tors
In Canada we lack a coordinating organization mdash a rdquoCentre of Excel-lencerdquo mdash that would address the issues specific to traumatized men and could provide research leader-ship and treatment We didnrsquot start using seatbelts in Canada until the government said we had to I be-lieve the shame and embarrass-ment most traumatized men feel keeps many from seeking the help they need A Menrsquos Trauma Centre could say ldquoMen can be sexually abused Men can be traumatized If that has happened to you you can come here We can help You need to come here Things can and will get betterrdquo
As a country are we there yet We are not even close mdash no culture no country is But there are more and more men who are there who have fought the good fight and won They have opened their mouths spoken their truth challenged the status quo and blazed a trail for other traumatized men and boys to find and follow
I believe the tide in Canada is changing Doors of secrecy that have been forced open will not close again Our compassion for traumatized men continues to grow The future has some bright-ness around its edges that wasnrsquot there ten years ago
ldquoTo understand where
Canada is at in its
response to the sexual
abuse of males we have
to be aware of different
culturesrsquo take on the
idea of lsquowhether or not
males can be sexually
abusedrsquordquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 10
this was the case It was discovered that those in control of determin-ing what funding went to what had decided it was not cost effective to have a womenrsquos detox since so few women were over-drinking The committee decided to document the need since many felt that a womenrsquos detox was necessary
In the end the committee was able to document the need and a womenrsquos detox was funded in Windsor Ontario What had hap-pened Many women struggling with a substance abuse problem were hidden and misdiagnosed A similar situation exists with male survivors of childhood abuse This problem is hidden and often misdi-agnosed
The Greater Toronto Area where I cur-rently live is a city of over 55 million peo-ple If we believe the current stats and if we assume that roughly half the population are male and if perhaps one in six boys will have been abused by the age of 16 (and ac-cording to some
experts one in five boys is sexually abused) then there are possibly over 500000 men out there who have experienced childhood abuse in my little corner of the world To be fair we know that some chil-dren report and are heard and helped We also know that some seem to have been able to work it
A Dearth of Services in Canada
By Lynne MacDonnell
Private Practice in Toronto Area +1 (416) 996-4050
A report issued by the United Nations states that millions of children are exposed to
sexual violence each year It cuts across cultures income levels edu-cation levels No country is immune from it The four-year study that encompassed 130 countries was completed by Paulo Pinheiro an independent expert appointed by UN Secretary General Kofi Annan As many as 150 million girls and 73 million boys worldwide are subject to sexual violence each year usually by someone in their family circle said the report A 2002 Canadian study showed chil-dren made up 23 of the popula-tion but accounted for 61 of
sexual assault victimssup1
In spite of this recovery services for male survivors of childhood abuse seem to be limited An internet search for services in the Toronto area yields services for gay bi or transgendered men and a group for men against violence of women While these services are necessary and valuable what about the guys who need to deal with the sexual abuse they experienced as children rather than their sexual preference Apparently there is no lack of need since the above quoted report suggests that boys are just as likely
to be sexually abused as little girlssup2 One might argue that little boys are
even more likely to be abused since access to male children is more readily achieved Common sense suggests that one is more likely to leave their male children with coaches male babysitters male teachers ldquoUncle Ernierdquo and so forth than they would ever leave their young daughters This is in spite of the fact that the majority of the perpetrators ldquoreported as
malerdquosup3 It has often been suggested that incidents of sexual abuse of boys is under-reported
If the abuse of boys is under-reported the need for services may not be apparent As an example of this Irsquod like to tell you a short story In 1977-78 in Windsor On-tario my home town there was a detox centre But it was a male-only facil-ity In those days if a man was picked up for being drunk in a public place he was taken to the detox unless it was deter-mined that he was dangerously close to overdosing or had incurred some sort of an injury in which case he was taken to hospital In that same city a blue collar hard working town women who over-drank and were picked up drunk were taken to hospital if it was deemed that they were in physical trouble But if that was not the case women were taken to Jail At that time a com-mittee was struck to find out why
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoThose of us offering
services are not
connected and donrsquot
seem to know one
another except perhaps
for the few agencies
that do work with menrdquo
February 2009
Page 11
out But we also know that many try but cannot ldquoget over itrdquo much as they would like to Sadly we also know that some end up using addiction and or violence and end up in jail or treatment and never report the abuse (I wonder how many men who are in jail for vio-lent acts have been abused as boys mdash but that is another arti-cle) Some end up dead Where are all these men Are they suffering in silence
Free or close to free workshops for male survi-vors have been offered but few men come out Perhaps the adverts for such offerings are not read by these men or their partners Yet invariably when a man does finally access services he reports the difficulty he has had finding such services Is that too a lack of good PR It seems that the lack of information and the lack of coordinating ser-vices as well as the lack of the ability to document the need have all contributed to the situation we face Those of us offering services are not connected and donrsquot seem to know one another except per-haps for the few agencies that do work with men
In September of 2008 the Archdio-cese of Toronto gave the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness a small grant to help me partner with
others to offer groups for men This has been difficult to accom-plish Despite all the emails sent out only one person responded and unfortunately she is out of the area How does it happen How do those of us working in this field connect collaborate and use each other as referrals and consultants
It is a difficult situation
Originally when asked to write this article about the ser-vices in my area I waxed eloquent about how we are all protecting our little clinical kingdom reluc-tant to share information or lose clients But
upon reflection I wonder if that is true Could it be truer that others like me are busy doing what we do best mdash working with our clients mdash thus leaving less time for what we do not do best investigate and find others working with the same clientele Am I guilty of just that I wonder
The next obvious question is how How do we get out the word that ldquoyou are not the only onerdquo to a man who was abused in childhood As we are aware men often donrsquot get help until they end up in some sort of trouble with relationships addictions or recovering from depression or suicidal attempts Or Jail Sadly they donrsquot get help there except possibly for anger management
Perhaps we can speculate that as more information regarding male childhood abuse becomes avail-able more men will come forward but if they come forward we have to have a network of people to be there It is so difficult for a man to attempt to get help mdash even more difficult if he finds places he has reached out to turn him away because they donrsquot how to help him or where to send him
Irsquove attempted in my limited way to get the message out that men need to know that they are not alone that six out of 10 boys have been or will be abused by age 18 that healing is possible and healing is a private issue Men need not suffer in silence and can stop past abuse from damaging their lives just as MaleSurvivor has helped The trouble seems to be that those who read this are not those who need to read it Too many ques-tions and not enough answers
My only plan at this point is to send the link for this edition of the newsletter highlighting Canada to everyone I can find in the hopes that somehow we service providers can have a conference workshop meeting or whatever to find each other and start working on getting the message out that we are here and we know something about how to help
Endnotes
sup1 UN report reveals ldquoshockingrdquo levels of violence against children
sup2 See httpwwwjimhoppercommale-ab
sup3 This is a discussion for another occasion
ldquoThe Cycle Stoppedrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 12
My Journey to MaleSurvivor
By Rob Hawkings MA
I was asked a few weeks ago if I would write an article for the MaleSurvivor newsletter telling
the story of how I came to be in-volved in working with male survi-vors most recently as the newest member of the Weekends of Recov-ery leadership team My initial reaction was an enthusiastic ldquoNo problem great ideardquo And I do think it is a great idea I remember back to about 1989 when I attended mdash as a par-ticipant mdash my first therapeutic weekend for men who had ex-perienced childhood sexual abuse how difficult it was to trust anyone enough mdash par-ticularly male author-ity figures mdash to talk openly about my experience and feelings and how much easier it was after the leaders had modeled appropriate trust and self-disclosure I see this autobio-graphical article as an opportunity to begin to earn your trust
A few days later it hit me that what I had undertaken was not a one-to-one direct personal exchange or confined to a self-help setting or therapy group or retreat it was go-ing to be published on the Inter-net mdash for anyone to read mdash forever After 21 years of personal recovery
including almost 20 years as a counselor and psychotherapist I am quite comfortable disclosing my status as a survivor and whatever pieces of my story will be helpful in therapeutic settings mdash but this is different This is not contained Ah well as I have been told many times along my journey There are no accidents look for signs of syn-
chronicity and take advantage of opportunities for growth So here goes
Counseling and psychotherapy is a second career for me to which I aspired as a teenager a natural choice given that one of my child-hood roles as the eldest son in an alcoholic home was to be confi-dant and counselor to my suffering mother Looking back it is a very good thing I got diverted from that career path while at university Blind to my personal issues and
without the support and life experi-ence to handle my deeply buried emotions I would have made a terrible mdash and perhaps dangerous mdash therapist I am grateful that I did not revisit this career path until age 39 after I had begun a personal healing journey Up to that point I had managed to achieve an appar-ently successful life (at that time I
was in the corporate business world) but addictive behavior and underlying abuse-related issues had progressed to the point where I was unable to hold my house of cards together I realize now that the ensu-ing marital and pro-fessional melt-down was both unavoid-able and necessary in order for the healing to begin
The high quality of the self-help and
professional therapy I was blessed to experience in the early stages of my own recovery reawakened (on a much healthier footing this time) my passion to be doing that kind of work as a professional Organiz-ing self-help retreats led to training to be an addictions counselor serv-ing a year ldquoin the trenchesrdquo of front-line addictions treatment (invaluable experience) and then working half-time for two years as a therapist in hospital-based psy-chiatric day-treatment programs
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Journey Uncredited Photo
February 2009
Page 13
during which time I began a private practice The part-time private practice filled quickly (and became full-time after two years) with re-covering alcoholics and addicts adult children of alcoholics and increasingly adult survivors of sex-ual abuse
It was while I was working that first year in a menrsquos residential addic-tion treatment facility that men be-gan to disclose to me that they had been sexually abused as boys These emotionally charged disclo-sures were always one-on-one and curiously were occurring way more often with me than with other counselors on staff I say ldquocuriouslyrdquo because I was curious as to why this was happening It was only that same year in context of self-help support and professional help that I ldquoconnected the dotsrdquo between my own sex-ual abuse as a boy and the problems that had developed in my life I did not yet fully understand as I do now that with the highly sensitive ldquoradarrdquo that survivors seem to have these men were recognizing in me an empathetic kindred spirit who would somehow relate to their is-sues To learn to help these men (and to help myself) along a heal-ing path I began to seek out any and all training I could find on the subject
In those early years I learned mostly from women in the feminist movement who had been aware of the impact of sexual abuse for dec-ades and were far ahead of men in helping each other heal Much of what they knew and so generously shared was also useful in working with men There are however ma-jor differences and I was fortunate in connecting with some of the pioneers (Mike Lew among others) who were researching and articulat-ing those differences and how to address them in recovery Over succeeding years I continued to gain experience doing one-on-one
therapy with male survivors and in lead-ing and supervising group-based pro-grams for a succes-sion of Ontario agen-cies Along the way I have been honored to serve as clinical consultant for two treatment handbooks on working with men who have experi-enced childhood sex-ual abuse
A significant experi-ence professionally for me was leaving
my private practice for five years (2000-2005) to work full-time as a Program Development Specialist at Bellwood Health Services a 60-bed in-patient addictions treatment fa-cility in Toronto It was stimulating and rewarding to play lead roles in designing and implementing Can-adarsquos first residential treatment program for sexual addiction and Canadarsquos first truly concurrent
treatment program for soldiers and veterans with substance depend-ency and post-traumatic stress (I like the term ldquoOperational Stress Injuryrdquo adopted by the Canadian military which encompasses the whole spectrum of clinical and sub-clinical combat-related stress disor-ders not just psychiatrically diag-nosable PTSD)
At this point in my life and career (as of 2005) I and my second wife (I have been happily remarried now for close to ten years) have chosen to ldquosemi-retirerdquo to the small town of Deep River Ontario about a six-hour drive north of Toronto where I maintain a part-time private prac-tice providing counseling therapy training and consulting in two of the specialties I am known for re-covery for male survivors of child-hood sexual abuse and sexual ad-diction recovery I also ldquokeep my hand inrdquo in the field of combat-related post-traumatic stress treat-ment by working two days a week as an addictions counselor at a large nearby Canadian Forces Base (in Petawawa) which is sending units regularly to Afghanistan and where we are seeing growing num-bers of soldiers self-medicating their post-traumatic stress symp-toms with addictive behavior and substances
Deep River affords us a wonderfully quiet and gently paced lifestyle in a part of the country with beautiful natural surroundings and consis-tently and gloriously clean air but it poses some challenges This town is where I grew up and where the abuse happened There are ldquoghosts
(Continued on page 15)
ldquoIn those early years I
learned mostly from
women in the feminist
movement who had
been aware of the
impact of sexual abuse
for decades and were far
ahead of men in helping
each other healrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 14
My Weekend of Recovery
By Robert L
M y Weekend of Recovery was a phenomenal ex-perience Phenomenal
The more time that passes the more I realize how much of a posi-tive impact the WOR has had on me Since the WOR things have opened up and my recovery is accelerating
Given the positive experi-ence it is hard to believe that I was somewhat hesitant to attend While I was very excited when I first signed up months in advance some personal issues arose by the time the WOR came around and I seriously considered backing out Thankfully I did not
By way of background I have known about my abuse all my life No flashbacks for me it was always front and center I tried to deal with it as best as I could alone I first spoke about the abuse at age 19 telling my first real love interest about it Disclosing my past only to love interests became a pattern for me until I could no longer handle the pain and started individual therapy at age 31 (six years ago)
The individual therapy has been very helpful I have learned a lot
about myself particularly by ex-ploring areas that I did not even think were part of the equation The therapy also helped a lot of the pain go away
My biggest single problem remains relationships or the lack thereof In actuality I have never had a ldquorealrdquo relationship Instead I keep repeat-ing the same patterns of falling for girls who cannot be emotionally available to me who are often
survivors themselves and are often already in a relationship with an-other man Clearly I needed to add something to my individual ther-apy
Over the past six years I have considered group therapy but
could not find a suitable group A few months before the WOR my therapist gave me a copy of Mike Lewrsquos book Victims No Longer As I read the book I realized that I was a ldquotextbook caserdquo and thought that surely there must be a ldquotextbook solutionrdquo (that I obviously could not find over six years of individual therapy) Naiumlve or not I decided to search for a group once again My online search led me to
the MaleSurvivor website Imagine my pleasant surprise when I discov-ered that a WOR was coming to my city I signed up immediately
I was literally the first survivor to arrive at Mysthaven and was so anxious to ldquoget the show on the roadrdquo While wait-ing for the others to arrive I spent my time looking around trying to make myself feel at home It did not take long for that to happen As I entered the main room I was faced with dozens of t-shirts made by past WOR attendees and it moved me to tears I was surely in a place where I belonged
Eventually the others arrived and we began the opening ceremony It was so well thought out Actually everything was well thought out right from the opening to the closing ceremonies I noticed a lot
In the First Person
ldquoI Know I Am Not Shamefulrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 15
of nice little touches and appreci-ated all of them
After the opening ceremony we did a ldquosafetyrdquo exercise in which everyone had a chance to express his needs for a safe environment (for instance I cannot have people touch my neck) We all committed to abide by the safety rules This turned out to be one of the best parts of the WOR because at no time whatsoever did I feel judged or unsafe in any way I cannot recall ever being in such an atmosphere before
We went through a lot of activities and exercises over the weekend Some of these included small groups breathing exercises (grounding) telling our story ldquosculptingrdquo shame busting commu-nity building art and mindfulness walks
I liked the small groups the best I felt there was an excellent fit among the facilitators my fellow survivors and me I had ample opportunity to say what I wanted to say and welcomed all the feed-back After years of individual ther-apy it was great to finally connect with other male survivors in a group setting I learned from my fellow survivors and it also put my recovery into perspective
The shame busting exercise was also incredible It is one thing to talk about creating intimacy it is another to learn how to do it ac-
from the pastrdquo on every street cor-ner mdash and I am finding them a greater challenge than I antici-pated It has been much easier (surprisingly) and a hugely empow-ering victory for me to transform the house we now inhabit mdash where some of the abuse occurred in my childhood mdash into the safest and most comfortable home I have ever known Deep River is relatively iso-lated from the colleagues I have come to know and trust over many years and I take every opportunity to join them whenever and wher-ever I can for trainings and work-shops I am also learning to rely more on the telephone and the Internet to maintain my personal and professional circles of support My journey of growth and healing continues It is not without hurdles and challenges but at this stage it is filled with blessings not the least of which are my two children (now adults) and the relationships I now enjoy with them Life now is better than I could ever have imagined and I welcome the challenges
Which brings me to the present blessing and challenge namely joining the leadership team of the MaleSurvivor Weekends of Recov-ery I have many strong family and professional connections in the United States and I welcome this opportunity to work with a geo-graphically and culturally broader range of men and women who share my values principles and passion for recovery I look forward to meeting and working with some of you
My Journey (Continued from page 13)
tively After the movement exercise one of the facilitators told me that I ldquolooked beautiful out thererdquo I did not believe or understand that comment at the time but I think I do now and it still makes me cry to think of it The comment made me feel that someone saw the ldquorealrdquo me regardless of what I look
like on the outside It also made me realize that I had forgotten how to ldquoplayrdquo I really did feel like a playful child during the exer-cise and I cannot think of the last time that I experienced such a feeling
Since the WOR I have stepped up my recov-ery process I attend weekly groups and keep in regular con-
tact with a few fellow WOR partici-pants I have also bought many self-help books started journaling and increased my time on the MaleSur-vivor forums
I see a dramatic difference in my-self since the WOR I feel more positive and more at peace I can also talk more freely about the abuse and no longer feel shame The bottom line is that I have moved from being a victim to being a SURVIVOR
Words cannot express my gratitude to the WOR team and my fellow survivors I really appreciate the individual chats and felt that every-one was genuinely interested in my recovery Thank you I love you all
ldquoThe shame busting
exercise was also
incredible It is one
thing to talk about
creating intimacy it is
another to learn how to
do it activelyrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 16
high schools were resistant to al-lowing staff members to enter their school and provide educational programs Having a male on staff proved to be beneficial and the program grew rapidly Fortunately mdash and unfortunately mdash the media be-gan writing articles about me and the educational programs Once the Ministry folks became aware a man was on the payroll of the cen-tre my position was terminated I was told that funding was specifi-cally designed for women to pro-
vide services for women To the credit of the crisis centre they had me volun-teer for six months until they could se-cure funding from the local United Way They seemed less concerned about a man wanting to pro-vide services to peo-ple in need
History was being made We became the first sexual assault crisis centre in Canada to open a separate satellite office for a
menrsquos program This was not something celebrated by all crisis centres I was asked to advocate for men but to keep quiet at the same time The program became very successful and more and more male survivors were asking for ser-vices Unfortunately in 2002 the local United Way decided to reduce their support after having a trou-
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
The Circle of Compassion
By Tom Wilken
T hanks to Dale English of the MaleSurvivor newsletter for asking me to write an article
about my experiences working with male sexual abuse survivors in Can-ada As an advocate it seems like the journey of working with survi-vors has many societal obstacles but we are moving forward slowly but surely I often wonder why it is so challenging for Canadians to include male survivors into the circle of compas-sion
In 1991 I accepted a role with the local sexual assault crisis centre and attended one of their training programs On the first day the female facili-tator looked at me and said ldquoyou must be a brave manrdquo I had no idea what she was talking about at the time but I sure do now For the next eleven years I was employed in an adversarial political roller coaster ride that made advocating for men a daunting task Nevertheless I am very thankful for that opportunity I started as a part-time support worker counseling men My posi-tion evolved and included the role of an Education Co-Coordinator The crisis centre found the local
bling fund raising year Since the gender of the clientele was male the crisis centre was unable to top up funding and the male program was removed from the services of-fered by this crisis centre This may sound discriminatory and perhaps even a human rights issue because it is In Canada we pride ourselves in celebrating diversity but unfor-tunately that does not always in-clude the needs of male survivors
Something exciting happened in 2002 Health Canada asked me to update their ldquoAdult Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse - Overview Pa-perrdquo which was distributed throughout the country by the Na-tional Clearinghouse on Family Vio-lence Until that point in time the Overview Paper was predominately written about the concerns of fe-male survivors without any equality for the concerns of male survivors There was some resistance voiced by a crisis centre about a man writ-ing about both genders but Health Canada took a chance and re-quested I complete the Overview Paper that spoke to the similarities and differences regarding the re-covery process of both genders This paper was considered success-ful and a second printing was needed to meet the requests by Canadians This was so rewarding for me and it helped me to realize that there is hope for male survi-vors
Facilitating groups for male survi-vors was an exciting part of my role at the crisis centre Being with men who are being ldquorealrdquo and sup-
ldquoThe Canadian
government has known
for years that 37 of
sexual abuse survivors
under the age of 21 are
male however they do
not open their hearts for
male survivors and
welcome them into the
circle of compassionrdquo
February 2009
Page 17
ple as well The main difference was they responded to their woundedness in a different fashion It is estimated that on any given day there are over 100000 people on probation in the province of Ontario It is also estimated that up to 80 of these folks may have been sexually abused This equates
to 80000 sexual abuse survivors who are on probation most of whom are male We also know that 59 of people in prison are sexual abuse survivors Sadly probation officers are not trained in sexual abuse recovery issues It is interest-ing to note that I work with more male survivors as a Probation Offi-cer than when I worked at the crisis centre When people are not given healthy outlets for expressing their anger it can manifest in less desir-able ways
I started the ldquoWe Want to Knowrdquo project in 2003 which was partially sponsored by the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness and the now
porting one another throughout the healing process is truly a magi-cal experience The men receiving services were both grateful and angry They were grateful to be receiving services but angry these services were not available when they were younger They wondered why so many other male survivors
are not given the same opportunity to heal Seven men from group consented to having their healing journey documented during thirty weeks of group counseling Thus the book Rebuilding Your House of Self Respect Men Recovering from Childhood Sexual Abuse first edi-tion was in the works
In 2002 I accepted a position as a Probation Officer with the Ministry of Community Safety and Correc-tional Services After working with victims for over a decade I won-dered if the adjustment to working with offenders was possible It did-nrsquot take long to realize that people who offended were wounded peo-
closed Windsor Family Forum We were able to fulfill the dream of the seven courageous men from group by distributing copies of the RYHSR book to agencies throughout Can-ada
Millions of dollars are spent in Can-ada for sexual assault crisis centres and other programs for female sur-
vivors These valuable programs for women are underfunded but un-fortunately there are rarely any services specifically for men The Canadian government has known for years that 37 of sexual abuse survivors under the age of 21 are male however they do not open their hearts for male survivors and welcome them into the circle of compassion
In 2007 the Diocese of London Ontario provided funding for my business Hope amp Healing Associ-ates and the Silence to Hope (STH) project was born The Diocese in-creased their funding from $30000
(Continued on page 18)
A Circle of Compassion (uncredited photo)
Vol 2 No 2
Page 18
material to the Ministry of Commu-nity Safety and Correctional Ser-vices the Ministry of Children and Youth Services Victim Services the Ontario Provincial Police and other various other agencies Over 1500 free copies of the second edition of my book Rebuilding Your House of Self Respect Men Recovering in Group from Childhood Sexual Abuse are being distributed to sur-vivors and agencies working with male survivors Lynne MacDonell has received funding from the Arch-diocese of Toronto and is assisting male survivors in central Ontario Her Help amp Hope Project is similar
to the STH project
The STH project was fortunate to partner with Howard Fradkin of MaleSurvivor and his Weekend of Re-covery facilitation team who came to Canada in November 2008 This was quite a treat for Canadian male survivors The expertise of the Frad-kin team provided a
high-caliber experience not nor-mally available to Canadians The feedback from participants indi-cated these men felt truly blessed to be part of this experience In 2009 I hope to write a workbook for male survivors that will accom-pany the second edition of the RYHSR book Ellen Campbell and the CCAA plan to partner with the STH project and provide free cop-ies of this workbook as part of a joint education and awareness pro-gram I am presently updating a Directory of Services for Health
in 2007 to $60000 in 2008 to $75000 in 2009 Thanks to the generosity of the Diocese we are able to provide support groups information and referral services education and awareness pro-grams The Diocese not only wanted us to help males who were victimized by priests but any male survivors
In the early stages we recognized that our communities were not pro-viding a safe and supportive envi-ronment for men to step out of isolation Various agencies were con-tacting me and shared their frustra-tions about not hav-ing places to refer men who were sexu-ally abused as chil-dren It became pain-fully evident how un-educated Canadian service providers are on the needs of men and sexual abuse One of the main focuses of the STH project is our education and aware-ness program and group facilita-tion
As sad as the present situation is for male survivors we are making progress The STH project has part-nered with agencies throughout our area and two agencies from our bigger cities are providing group facilitation on a year round basis We are partnering with the Cana-dian Centre for Abuse Awareness (CCAA) and providing educational
Circle of Compassion (Continued from page 17)
Canada and the National Clearing-house on Family Violence called Combining Voices This directory lists all agencies throughout the Country that provide services to male and female survivors
ldquoCollective denialrdquo is strong throughout Canada but there is HOPE There seems to be an im-portant shift in thinking taking place Several years ago the topic of working with male survivors was not to be spoken about however people are now more receptive to exploring the needs of a much ne-glected portion of the population More men are requesting services and more group counseling oppor-tunities are presenting themselves It appears that more and more Ca-nadian agencies are starting to rec-ognize the importance of including male survivors into the circle of compassion Every time we have articles in the media more men seem to come out of isolation My biggest concerns include the lack of funding by the government If this topic is not talked about and if a safe and supportive environment for men is not created men will go back into silence and isolation This work seems to be driven from the ldquobottom uprdquo and not the ldquotop downrdquo We need good men and women to talk more openly about the needs of male survivors ldquoCollective denialrdquo thrives when good people keep silent Survivors are not living in total isolation they are fathers brothers husbands workers community members and they are valuable human beings
We are proud to join MaleSurvivor in making this world a better place
ldquorsquoCollective denialrsquo is
strong throughout
Canada but there is
HOPE There seems to
be an important shift in
thinking taking placerdquo
February 2009
Page 19
This Boyrsquos Life
By Jordan M
M y life began as any other a happy boy in a happy nuclear family It
was a time when my biggest worry was my brother threatening to tattle on me for sneaking a cookie up to bed I was young and the life I was living was exactly how it should have been carefree and devoid of the messy thoughts and situations which I would soon come to know all too well I was a boy and without trying to sound too clicheacuted I was innocent Pure
My parentsrsquo nasty divorce popped that bubble I loved my family more than anything and the di-vorce ripped us apart Mom and Dad were too busy fighting each other to notice anything that was happening with me or my siblings We were pushed aside used as bargaining tools I felt like a pawn Mom convincing us that Dad was a bad guy Dad convincing us that Mom was to blame Being the third child of five I was lost I withdrew and I stayed as far away from any sort of family situation as I could I didnrsquot know whom to trust
Time passed and things leveled and Mom married again but her taste in men had changed since Dad Her new husband seemed to hate children and he made sure that was known He was a violent man and my family and I paid the price I felt more lost than ever I was all alone in a hell that I was not prepared for Looking for some
kind of calm in this storm I started spending more time with Dad on his farm
Dad had met and moved in with another woman as well and unlike my new step-dad I liked her I thought that this could be my escape I could stay with Dad and be safe Go back to being a kid again Live that normal life I used to have
Not only did Dadrsquos new girlfriend move in so did her brother mdash my new step-uncle of sorts He was great The coolest guy Irsquod ever met We got along he played with me we watched mov-ies we went out we did everything He paid attention to me and I sud-denly felt less alone He was that person whom I could trust He was the man who would help me through all this crap at home He was the one that cared I didnrsquot just have a new step-uncle I had a new friend a new guardian someone who was there for me I latched on I bought his trick mdash hook line and sinker
The sexual abuse began and after the initial shock frankly I got used to it Although I hated it he as-sured me it was ok This is what should be happening between a 12 year old boy and 32 year old man who have a special relationship like
the one we did I believed him All I had to do was comply with his sexual desires and he would remain there for me I was willing to pay that price to keep this man in my life Somewhere in the back of my little mind I knew it was wrong but
I wouldnrsquot tell a soul It was our little secret our special relation-ship Nobody could know but us
It went on for years and for years I grew more and more dis-tant from people from myself and from the world I attempted a few times to get away but there was no where to go Either I live in an abusive hell with Mom or I cater to my step-unclersquos desires at my
Dadrsquos Which is the lesser evil
I went back and forth from house to house each time growing a little more resilient a little harder Time went on and I wasnrsquot that little boy anymore Age was on my side now and I wanted it to stop
Mom did get rid of the mistake she married after a while but soon found a new one and I promised myself that I would not stand for another day in this hell The first time this new guy laid a hand on me I gave Mom an ultimatum him or me She chose him I was gone
(Continued on page 20)
In the First Person
ldquoAlthough I hated [the
abuse] he assured me it
was ok This is what
should be happening
between a 12 year old
boy and 32 year old
man who have a special
relationship like the one
we did I believed himrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 20
been chasing me the whole time and it was catching up
The lure of the big city called me and I began spending nights and weekends in Toronto Attempting to end the emptiness I began searching for ways to fill it I got hooked on drugs became an ad-dict I became hard Mean Nothing could touch me Fear couldnrsquot stand in my way The worst had already happened I thought what I was feeling was freedom but free was the farthest thing from the truth I was trapped trapped in anger and guilt and shame
The deep desire to be taken care of continued to force its way to the surface and take on new extremes My cutting habit that I had devel-
I left home at 16 I figured that anything was better than staying where I was This was going to be a new start for me It was going to be different this time I promised myself that I would make it
I was wrong Again
Life on your own at 16 is not an easy one mdash new city no friends barely any money Schools wouldnrsquot accept me apartments wouldnrsquot let a kid occupy a unit I was alone I was really alone this time It took
time but I eventually managed a bit of a life for myself and was able to get through high school but it didnrsquot come easy My past had
This Boyrsquos Life (Continued from page 19)
oped as a young teen had ex-ploded and I began to brutally beat myself in hopes that somebody would notice maybe take me to hospital Take care of me It didnrsquot work It never worked There was only one thing that worked sex
Hustling made me feel powerful Men would pay to be with me Itrsquos all I felt I was good at seducing men And it was a power that I so badly thought I needed As bad as I was treated the glimpse of con-trol that I felt was enough to keep me going back But all I was doing was allowing myself to be abused
over and over again It just lead me further and further down
The years passed and I lost all feeling I forgot how to feel I knew
A Sliver of Light copy 2009 Timothy Andrew
February 2009
Page 21
only three emotions happiness sadness and anger And it was the anger that consumed me Anything could set me off I was a ticking time-bomb I began to wonder if any sort of normal life would ever happen for me
I was ready to give up to accept that this was what God had planned for me but somewhere inside that messed up 20 year old head of mine there was a sliver of light the same light that was there when I was a child the light that only had to worry about sneaking a cookie up to bed And I knew that that tiny glimpse of light was the real me If I could find a way to broaden its beam I would be able to peel back all the layers of abuse and discover who I really am
I searched I called crisis lines I went to free therapy sessions I attempted to try to understand why I was like I was but I kept hitting dead ends Nobody seemed to know how to help me me a male survivor
Nothing would last The little help I did receive all faded All I really got were programs and information and books and flyers Then I found Lynne MacDonells number I called her late one night She agreed to meet with me and quickly got me
into her mens group ldquoA Time for Menrdquo
The group literally saved my life For the first time I knew I wasnt alone There were other men who had been through what I had been through and they genuinely cared for me It has been over three years
now and it is still difficult Although I have put an end to the coping mecha-nisms mdash the drugs and the cutting mdash itrsquos the feelings that still manage to give me a struggle As survivors we have to sort out our insides Our guts Our feelings All that stuff was ripped out mixed up and thrown back in when we were abused We have to retrain our brains learn how to think how to feel how to trust how to love At times I feel like Irsquom an emotional infant as if my body kept
growing after my uncle abused me but my mind didnrsquot That was the main issue when I finally decided that I needed to be on the path of recovery So I focused and I began
I look forward to those two hours every Monday night because I know I can say and share anything I want and I will not be judged I am safe there I am safe to peel back those layers of abuse and discover the real me who I was really meant to be not this husk of
a human being that I had been living as for so many years
Since joining the group I have finished university got my degree I am free of drugs and self-harming I have a good job and a much healthier lifestyle and I have come out with my secret about sexual abuse
I am not ashamed of who I am anymore It is a long and tough uphill battle and it is still far from over but I know that I have plenty of people helping me fight this battle Our group is more that just a support group We are a family a brotherhood of survivors deter-mined to help each other and spread the word
It was hope That light the real memdashit was hope As survivors some-times all we have to go on is hope and that is why we need to remem-ber that there is ALWAYS hope There never needs to be a dead end That tiny sliver of light exists in all of us you just have to find it
ldquoAs survivors
sometimes all we have
to go on is hope and
that is why we need to
remember that there is
ALWAYS hope There
never needs to be a
dead end That tiny
sliver of light exists in
all of us you just have
to find itrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 22
My Story
by Bruce M
A s I start to write this article I find myself sitting in front of the house where I was
first sexually abused I donrsquot know why I am here but I am Perhaps it is my way of being in control which I certainly wasnrsquot for a very long time It was really not that long ago before I avoided this area of the city entirely mdash never mind sitting on the street in front of the home where I was sexually as-
saulted
I am now 42 years old and have a partner who supports me more than I could have ever asked for I am in love and
although I thought I loved others before now I really know what love is For many years I was so secretly dysfunctional that most people were under the impression that I had it all together but that was furthest from the truth I was a good actor
I grew up in a middle class suburb of Toronto I was the youngest of three kids I was diagnosed with ADD and was given Ritalin to ldquosettle me downrdquo I think that Ritalin was an easy out for my parents I needed more one on one interac-tion and understanding rather than a drug regimen which suited their
needs I clearly remember my pe-diatrician back then coaching my parents on what I needed mdash and many of his recommendations went ignored In their minds it seemed that all I needed was Ritalin
I had very few true friends Most people found my hyperactivity to be too much My mother was a practicing alcoholic (thankfully sober for about 28 years now) and my father was nothing short of physically abusive mdash mainly to my sister and me but also to my brother from what I understand My father had out-bursts of rage during which he would beat me with a dog leash and his fist Once he shoved my head down a toilet and told me that is where I belonged I donrsquot know if many people could appreciate how horrible it was to be told that As long as I live I will never for-get how I felt when he said that
When I was 12 years old I was enrolled in basketball That year I excelled and my team ended up winning the champion-ship This was a great confidence boost that I really needed I had finally found something that I was good at The second year was not so great My assistant basketball
coach was a sexual predator who saw a shy and troubled boy in me and decided that he would look after his own needs This guy was a medical doctor so he knew what he was doing and started what I now understand was a very intense grooming process He talked to me about my hyperactivity my motherrsquos alcoholism and my fatherrsquos abuse As I remember back he brought these things up often while he was getting to know me
After a period of time he invited me to his home one day on the pretence of my coming over to rake leaves Once there he invited me to his basement where he
Moving On
Bruce M
Bruce M during the time of his abuse
February 2009
Page 23
matum He said that if I would not come to his house we could no longer be friends I donrsquot know how I did it but I decided that I did not want to go to his house and that was the end of that I now know that he went on to find an-other victim
For nearly the next two decades I struggled with life To add insult to injury I knew that I was a gay male and after the abuse I figured that this was what a gay relation-ship was like and I didnrsquot want it I lacked direction with almost everything I did For a while I was practically homeless because I was staying with one friend after another putting myself in situations where I could be abused again and again I was con-stantly haunted with
guilt because I was sure that the man who abused me was abusing other boys
Finally one day I came forward and told the police about my abuse They charged this man and I quickly learned that this perpetra-tor was one of the nastiest that I have come across to this day He had deep pockets and fought ruthlessly I was followed by private investigators my friends were approached by private investigators
made it clear that his gentle kind supportive ways would have a cost to me I remember hating the experience This disgusting smelling man was more than repulsive Would you believe that I went back Well I did Most other vic-tims of sexual abuse will under-
stand why better than those who have not been there I wanted to be cared for and listened to so badly that for a while I just put up with the abuse This guy came to my school at lunch and let me drive his car around the back streets I was too young and imma-ture to realize that this was not a kind gesture but more grooming that would give him access to what he wanted Eventually he got an-noyed that I would avoid going to his house so he gave me an ulti-
for interviews and he hired some of Canadarsquos best attorneys to get him out of his charges When I went to court to testify at a prelimi-nary trial he had people there to threaten me in the halls of the court and the bathrooms The criminal case went on and on and eventually to the Supreme Court of Canada for a ruling about my con-sent All in all it has been a very intense process which went on so long that the case was thrown out because of delay He is still not out of hot water because the College of Physicians and Surgeons went after him and I had to testify at that hearing too which is still going on to this day
Last fall I completed my third Weekend of Recovery and al-though I have been in private ther-apy for close to four years and have been a part of a menrsquos group in Toronto nothing compares to the results that I achieved from attending the Weekends of Recov-ery The weekend program and the connections that I made with other guys and therapists have been instrumental in giving me a push forward allowing me to have some happiness and a meaningful rela-tionship which I was never able to have before
Life is not perfect but I can tell you that it is so much better than it was a few years ago and it is getting better all the time
Bruce M during the time of his abuse
Vol 2 No 2
Page 24
nor injury well that was his cue He took me into a medical room and closed the door He examined my knee and soon the subject changed That was the first time that I was sexually assaulted
Over the years this repulsive man be-came my coach in both hockey and baseball He was a central figure at the arena and the base-ball diamond He was the one involved in all the fundraisers and came to be known as ldquothe guy who would do any-thing for the kidsrdquo Most of the parents loved him mdash but not mine He drank with parents partied with them all while he ldquotook carerdquo of us kids
The first time I was abused at the arena I told someone older than I I did so again when I was 15 What was I to do Neither time did the adults take appropriate action and you guessed it everything was swept under the carpet So I did the only thing I knew how to do mdash I stuffed it
Growing up was a difficult time for me because of the abuse and the fact that I suffered with ADHD and anxiety (undiagnosed at the time) My sisters did well in school how-ever I didnrsquot I would work my tail off get a ldquoCrdquo and then would be told to work harder or asked if I
A Victim No More
by Glenn Allan
M y name is Glenn Allan and I grew up in Stoney Creek Ontario Canada
By all rights I should have been dead years ago I am a recovering alcoholic and cocaine addict and I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse I donrsquot want my story to become an ldquoabuse or addiction-aloguerdquo so I wonrsquot get into graphic details or talk about every abusive situation
Please keep an open mind as this is my story
I was wel-comed into a loving yet dysfunctional family in February of 1964 I have four sisters
nine nieces and nephews two great-nieces and one great-nephew My story begins around the age of seven I loved skating and playing hockey I was always told ldquoYoursquove gotta practice to get betterrdquo and so I did I would play as much ice and road hockey as I could and my sis-ters would take me public skating It was at public skating that my abuser first spotted me and as-saulted me I fell during one of those skating sessions and hurt my knee My abuser was a skating monitor that day and when I needed medical attention for a mi-
were dumb My frustrations grew mdash if only they knew that there was a hurting little boy inside But I was a boy who was too afraid to say that he hurt or to cry mdash because ldquobig boys donrsquot cryrdquo I would get teased at home about being stupid or
asked ldquoWhy donrsquot you try harderrdquo
I couldnrsquot defend my-self verbally with my parents because that would have been ldquotalking backrdquo There were times when I would be so angry at them for picking on me for little things and I would think to myself ldquoYou are yell-ing at me for this while he (the abuser) is doing that to merdquo
Talk about frustration and built up rage I was a walking volcano I would fight all the time whether it was at school playing hockey or baseball it really didnrsquot matter why mdash all I knew was I was MAD
Over the years I slowly lost my self-esteem and self-worth I wanted to be anybody but me I idolized ath-letes like Bobby Orr Bobby Clarke and Pete Rose because of their dedication and work ethic Being a class clown I loved comedians (Steve Martin Richard Pryor Robin Williams Johnny Carson) and the entertainer in me loved singers (Elvis) and wanted so badly to be them Then maybe people would like me because there was abso-lutely no way anyone could really
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Glenn Allan
ldquoMy frustrations grewmdash
if only they knew that
there was a hurting little
boy inside But I was a
boy who was too afraid
to say that he hurt or to
crymdashbecause lsquobig boys
donrsquot cryrsquordquo
February 2009
Page 25
like or love me with the things my abuser had made me do
Because of the trauma of being abused I wet the bed until I was about 12 years of age which drained any remaining self-worth or self-esteem that I had left I was so embarrassed And then I had to tolerate ridiculous comments from people saying things like ldquoYou know that you are going to have to stop thisrdquo and ldquoYou are getting too old for thisrdquo No kidding really Did they think that I liked waking up in my own urine Did they not think that I wanted to stop Did they have any idea how their words hurt me Man oh man it was like that all the time They just didnrsquot think before they spoke
Frustrated and over-whelmed in my teens I finally found the ldquofriendrdquo that I had been looking for mdash first name ldquoALrdquo last name ldquoCOHOLrdquo I would be-come a whole new person when I drank booze and how I drank I found a brand new confidence I was somewhat funny when I drank dur-ing the early years of drinking however over time I became de-pressed and extremely angry I would fight in bars on a regular basis Then in December of 1987 I was stabbed outside a bar and nearly died Now you would think that being stabbed and nearly dy-ing would prompt a lifestyle
change or at the very least cause me to take a personal inventory of my situation and myself But not me I wore it as a badge of honour allowing the insanity to continue
It is said that if the drugs and alco-hol donrsquot kill you the lifestyle will During this time and over the years I was introduced to many criminals Their crimes ranged from murder assaults extortion and drug dealing to running massage parlours and prostitution mdash to just name a few One of my acquaint-ances was even a hired killer He
actually assassinated two reputed crime bosses in Ontario and is now serving a lengthy sentence for those and other killings
But I was drawn to their so-called power and complete disregard for the law Looking back on it I guess I was looking to reclaim the power
that was stolen from me by my abuser
In my early twenties I got a job working with Young Offenders as a Correctional Officer With the money I was making I bought a very nice sports car dated pretty women was extremely materialistic and yet I was never satisfied I worked in corrections for about four years During that time I also began my career in the world of entertainment as a voice impres-sionist and stand-up comedian as well as a co-host of a comedy tele-
vision show I had a tremendous ego and unknowingly had be-come rdquoThe Great I Amrdquo
After a couple of years I moved from comedy to producing and host-ing my own sports television program which aired for ten years I had so much fun and I was able to meet and interview some of sportsrsquo big-gest names
In my mid-20s when the alcohol wasnrsquot medicating my pain any longer I turned to
something stronger mdash COCAINE During a span of approximately ten years the combination of alcohol cocaine and all my poor choices cost me most of my jobs many of my relationships and all my money It drove me to criminal activity po-lice charges a conviction and a criminal record But most of all I
(Continued on page 26)
Alone Uncredited Photo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 26
was lost Glenn was slowly dying inside me I became depressed and despondent and I hated so many people But most of all I hated my-self
I had attempted suicide on a few occasions and I really and truly had a death wish I hated myself so much that on Friday January 16 1998 loaded with a supply of co-caine and booze I booked myself into a hotel room with no intention of coming out alive Friday night and Saturday passed with me drinking and getting high on co-caine After having more cocaine delivered to me on Sunday after-noon there was no turning back mdash or so I thought Approximately at midnight on Sunday I made my final decision mdash it was time for me to leave this stinking world I ingested enough cocaine to kill me and then I barricaded my hotel door and ripped the phone out of the wall I lay down on the bed defeated broken sad guilt-ridden ashamed depressed and scared yet so ready to die
Only Divine Intervention mdash some sort of miracle mdash can explain what hap-pened next The police came into my hotel room at just the right time on Sunday night and took me to the hospital Who called them how did they know to come to my room I donrsquot know Well thatrsquos not completely true Today I am a man of faith and as a Christian I know exactly who orchestrated my rescue
A Victim No More (Continued from page 25)
After a brief stay in the hospital I chose to enter the Hamilton Menrsquos Withdrawal Management Centre where I spent eleven days From there I entered an intensive addic-tion treatment centre for a six-week stay followed by a five and one half month stay at a recovery house
I have been clean and sober since Janu-ary 19 1998
I work the program of recovery intensely I was blessed with some incredible therapists who were able to break through my trust issues my rough exterior and my wall of comedy to allow me to heal I also became involved in the 12-Steps and other support groups through which I have found tremendous friendships and men-toring
Recovery is about making changes Al-though my abuser assaulted me until I was 15 years old I blamed him for all of my problems until I was 33 years old I had to change from being a pro-fessional blamer and liar to a man of responsibility character and in-tegrity It wasnrsquot easy however after many tears and lots of hard work life has gotten much better
Over time and through applying these principles I found peace se-renity and forgiveness and I also
learned how to love myself again Everything that was set in motion to harm me as a young man is now what drives me With Godrsquos help today I am able to live humbly honestly open-minded and willing to do whatever it takes to stay clean and sober while doing what I can to help others who face similar
struggles
Today I serve the Ca-nadian Centre for Abuse Awareness as the Director of the Southwestern Ontario office My mission at hand is to create a task force that will be responsible for build-ing a residential pro-gram for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
I am also the Execu-tive Producer and Host of three popular television programs Good News Sports The Edge and Living Clean Living Clean is the only live weekly interactive television program in Canada
that is designed to assist individu-als who suffer with addiction abuse andor mental illnesses
I also host The Glenn Allan Show on a local radio station in Hamil-ton ON Canada
As a motivational speaker my pres-entation entitled Youth Yak Live has enabled me to speak to thou-sands of youth nationwide since 2000 Through Youth Yak Live I
ldquoRecovery is about
making changes
Although my abuser
assaulted me until I was
15 years old I blamed
him for all of my
problems until I was 33
years old I had to
change from being a
professional blamer and
liar to a man of
responsibility character
and integrity
February 2009
Page 27
Male Survivor Groups (MSG)
By Robert Beacuterubeacute Co-founder MSG
M ale Survivor Groups (MSG) was created by a group of male survivors
of childhood sexual abuse follow-ing the death of a fellow survi-vor in Lon-don Ontario Canada The initial objec-tives were to foster cama-raderie and support for one another and also to obtain proper help
for survivors in the London area
Presently our aim is to help all male survivors and also to make our cause known It is open to all male survivors of childhood ado-lescent and adult abuse We have expanded and have supported the creation of groups across Canada and we are prepared to support the creation of groups throughout the World
Groups have been established in London Vancouver Sudbury and North Bay in Canada
Our beliefs
1 Our groups are for male survi-vors of abuse What is said in the group remains there What is stated must remain confiden-
have developed tremendous work-ing relationships with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police Ontario Provincial Police Crime Stoppers local police agencies young of-fender facilities churches self-help groups and alcohol and drug treatment centres
I also facilitate a weekly peer sup-port group for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
There was a time when I thought I would never get married and that no one could love me for who I am Colleen and I met in 1999 We both have similar pasts We both have worked through our abuse issues and are both clean and so-ber In 2001 my best friend and I married and we now have three beautiful children Ashley Brandon and Christopher Spending the rest of my life with Colleen and our family is a dream come true
The opportunity of sharing Godrsquos gifts and blessings with others is truly an honour and a privilege It is imperative that I never take these things for granted
If I can assist you or someone dear to you please donrsquot hesitate to contact me at the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness Ph 905-594-1581 or email glennccfaacom or visit these websites
wwwabusehurtscom wwwlivingcleanca wwwglennallanca
or write to me co CCAA 38 King St East PO Box 66614 Stoney Creek ON L8G 5E5
(Continued from page 26)
tial Anonymity is of the utmost importance unless the survivor has gone public But intimate details of the public person must also remain confidential Confidentiality must be assured
2 We are in the group to heal and to support each other
3 We are male survivors who want to heal and help others in the process We can be as young as 16 or as old as old can be
4 Our primary purpose is our own safe being Secondary purposes are the betterment of services for male survivors and the advancement of our cause
5 We fight on so that we may grow in solidarity
6 We are not a religious group We do use different models of functioning in our different sub-groups Ours is a healing group for more than one prob-lematic issue
7 We encourage partnerships with organisations businesses and agencies that foster the creation of services for male survivors of abuse
We have created a Facebook Group which is also open to FRIENDS who support our cause Our group is establishing partnerships with other male survivor groups in Canada and worldwide You can contact us through the Facebook page or by emailing me at berube55yahooca
Support Groups
Robert Beacuterubeacute
Vol 2 No 2
Page 28
The CCAA By Ellen Campbell [ellenccfaacom]
Founder and Executive Director Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness
A s some of you know the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness (CCAA) is a
national non-government charitable organization dedicated to eliminat-ing child abuse through advocacy education public awareness and prevention programs With help from community and corporate partners the CCAA provides accessible support healing and indi-vidual empowerment for adult survivors their fami-lies and caregivers through over 20 programs Those that listen to classic rock station Q107 in the To-ronto region will recognize us as their charity of choice through Derringerrsquos Thir-teen Days of Christmas campaign
Based in Newmarket On-tario the CCAA is an active and vibrant organization that in addition to its variety of program offer-ings is also involved in public safety advocacy That advo-cacy started with the early release from prison of one of the perpetra-tors in the Maple Leaf Gardensrsquo child sex abuse scandal Many surviving victims were traumatized again this time by the system The
CCAA went public with its concerns that day and the public safety advocacy program was born
Later the CCAA wrote a sweeping report titled Martinrsquos Hope named in memory of Martin Kruze (the first victim to courageously go public with the story of his abuse at the Gardens and who later tragi-cally took his own life) that made 60 recommendations for legislative and policy change to the criminal justice system These recommenda-tions were gleaned from round-
table discussions with over 150 front-line criminal justice system professionals crime victims and survivors To this day members of the Kruze family sit on the CCAA Board of Directors
After the initial public release of the Martinrsquos Hope report in the fall of 2003 I knew that if repairs were to be made to the criminal justice system advocacy would have to be accelerated That advocacy began in earnest in early 2006 with the hiring of John Muise a volunteer with the CCAA and previously a Toronto police officer with signifi-cant experience in legislative and policy advocacy The hire coincided with new political winds blowing in Ottawa The CCAArsquos full-time public
safety program was born
Relationships already in existence were strength-ened new ones were made and the CCAA intensified its advocacy with politi-cians stakeholders and other decision makers In addition the CCAA courted media attention recogniz-ing the opportunity to get our message out
That advocacy included the preparation of written briefs in support of testi-mony before a number of decision making bodies including several appear-ances before the House of Commons Justice Commit-tee
ADVOCACY REWARDED The last three years have brought success on a number of fronts Progress on the criminal justice reform front is rarely if ever the result of one person or just one organization advocating for
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoMartinrsquos Hoperdquo in Memory of Martin Arnold Kruze From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 29
government Although there are specific circumstances under which the age of consent is 16 (or 18) the general age of consent remained at 14 For many in the child protection
world this has been a shame of what is otherwise a devel-oped and civilized land The fight is finally over with the passage and Royal Assent of this legisla-tion in July of 2008 This is a victory for the many people that fought the good fight and most importantly this law allows prose-cution of those adult predators who choose to sexually exploit 14
and 15 year old children
Review of federal corrections policy
In 2007 the federal government ordered an independent review of the federal corrections and parole system The CCAA attended the announcement of that review and subsequently appeared before the review team and provided detailed written recommendations for change The final report included a number of recommendations that the CCAA provided including those contained in Martinrsquos Hope A rollout of some report recommen-dations has already started includ-ing a pilot project for the use of electronic monitoring on serious and violent offenders who are on parole in communities
(Continued on page 30)
Dangerous offenders Having someone declared a dan-gerous offender is very difficult to do In fact there are fewer then 400 declared dangerous offenders in the country This amendment makes it easier to bring a dangerous offender application for a serious repeat con-victed offender before the court The end result should be we hope the detection and declaration of more dangerous offenders Dangerous offender designation is for life and results in indefinite lock-up of the offender with periodic judicial reviews
Community protection orders
Also known as ldquoSection 810rdquo orders they allow the state to monitor the activities of certain subjects mdash no longer under some form of sen-tence or other judicial release but still considered a danger mdash to be placed on a judicial order similar to a bail with control and monitoring conditions The legislation explicitly expands the controls that can be usedmdashfor example electronic moni-toringmdashand extends the length of the order from one year to two
Age of protection For longer than people care to remember advocates have fought to raise the general age of consent from 14 to 16 years of age Until recently those voices have been largely ignored by the federal
change but no one can deny the important roll played by the CCAA in advancing these reforms These are all original recommendations contained in the Martinrsquos Hope report The results as they say speak for themselves and include but are not limited to the follow-ing
Mandatory minimum sentences for Internet chi ld abuse offences
Over time courts have increasingly relied on so called ldquohouse arrestrdquo provisions (see section immediately below) when sentencing offenders found guilty of Internet child abuse and similar kinds of serious child exploitation offences The sen-tences were often way out of pro-portion to the gravity of the crimes Minimum sentences were legislated for a variety of crimes with the net effect of eliminating the ability of the court to impose ldquohouse arrestrdquo
Conditional sentences of imprisonment
Better known as ldquohouse arrestrdquo this measure brought in over a decade ago was being imposed by the courts for ever more serious of-fenders and offences Many violent and dangerous offenders were allowed to serve their term of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo at home Justice and public safety were compro-mised by this provision Although the Bill that finally passed was watered down significantly by opposition party demands the end result was a tightening of the cir-cumstances under which a sen-tence of this kind could be given
ldquoAfter the initial public
release of the Martinrsquos
Hope report in the fall
of 2003 I knew that if
repairs were to be made
to the criminal justice
system advocacy would
have to be acceleratedrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 30
munity committees and inquiries including the Federal Inquiry pre-sided over by Justice Major into the Air India bombing
Moving forward We are delighted to report that John Muise our Director of Public Safety has recently received a Governor-in-council appointment as a full-time member of the Na-tional Parole Board effective in May of 2009 Although this is a big loss
for the CCAA we are thrilled for John and we know that he will bring the same com-mitment to public safety in that position as he did with the CCAA We wish him the very best in this new and challenging role
Much progress has been made in the past three years with
more anticipated The federal gov-ernment has signaled its intention to finish the work it started and attempt a further repeal of condi-tional sentences of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo They have also said that they in-tend on amending certain aspects of parole legislation and moving on tightening up security (including drug interdiction) in federal prisons
As we kick off 2009 the CCAA has the following priorities
Enhanced training for law enforcement off icers involved in chi ld abuse
investigations The introduction of provincial ldquosafe havenrdquo legislation that would pro-
vide a distressed mother who has given birth (within 72 hours) to take her baby to a place of safety (for example fire station police station hospital emergency) no questions asked and drop the baby off The purpose is to avoid the unthinkable mdash dumpster aban-donment murder at birth This legislation exists in all 50 of the United States but has yet to to be introduced in this country
Parole reform In addition the CCAA will work with partners on two parole and corrections recommendations They include legislating breach of parole as an offence for which a police officer has a power of arrest Com-plimentary to this the replacement of statutory release (automatic release after serving two thirds of a sentence) with regular earned parole Both recommendations were included in the final report of the Corrections Review Team and had been provided with others by the CCAA
We at the CCAA believe that much has been done on the criminal justice reform and public awareness front We are grateful for the pro-gress thus far and proud of the part we have played in moving the public safety agenda along
There is still much work to be done and the CCAA will step up to carry on this most important work
Selection of judges In recognition of the importance of the justice selection process the federal government has recently expanded the scope of people selected to sit on the regional Judicial Advisory Committees tasked with vetting potential ap-pointments and providing recom-mendations to the federal Attorney General and Minister of Justice for final selection Although still dominated by judges and lawyers a wider variety of voices and minds is now part of the selection proc-ess This is welcome news I am one of those voices I sit on one of the regional committees itrsquos an appointment we can all be proud of
Gun crime and other victim focused matters
Although outside the specific man-date of the CCAA (and not included in the Martinrsquos Hope report) in recognition of the impact on com-munities and particularly at risk children and youth the CCAA also appeared before the House of Commons Committee in support of mandatory minimum sentences for serious gun crimes and for amend-ments that tighten up the bail system for those charged with serious gun-related offences
In addition several crime victim supportive briefs were prepared for a number of safe school and com-
The CCAA (Continued from page 29)
ldquoWe at the CCAA hellip are
grateful for the progress
thus far and proud of
the part we have played
in moving the public
safety agenda alongrdquo
February 2009
Page 31
higher than its current statistical significance would suggest I would suggest itrsquos about one in four of the men I deal with 25 compared to the 16 suggested in the cur-rent literature If you allow for the fact that many of the men I work with have come from dysfunctional families that have been dysfunc-tional for generations the higher rate of incidence will hardly be surprising
I really had no idea when I started this job that I would have a head-
on collision with CSA No idea at all I was in my pre-survivor life My own past experi-ences were like a dormant volcano Sure some smoke would puff out every now and then for no readily apparent rea-son but no major eruption But as I heard more and more stories told by men in their own abyss of despair and self loath-ing things started to bubble within me
I remember the first man who disclosed to me He did not really intend to He started to tell part of a story and I just knew I just knew What he did say was part of an institutional abuse situa-tion that gained public awareness in the media After that story broke many men came forward as well to tell their story of how they too were abused as boys in a school
Inside
By Geeders (Jim)
W hen I was first asked to write about my experi-ences working in a jail I
wasnrsquot really sure what I could say about it Can I say this or should I say that Was it going to be really negative or show promise of better days ahead And what about me mdashthe new me mdash dealing with issues of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) at the same time as the men I see and work with How the hell was (or is) that going to work Well it is a work in progress after all and one that seems to evolve as I change and as I become more comfortable with my own sense of a new self
Let me begin by saying that there is nothing in this article that would meet the rigours of clinical dissection Equally important I do not work with sexual offenders What I am going to say is purely my experience based on personal observation No scientific analysis can be attributed to it apart from what we already know or suspect One in six men will have been sexually assaulted or abused by the time they are 18 It has long been opined that the number of abused men is actually
setting that was really a cover for juveniles in trouble with the law
The inmate I was working with did not come forward at that time He couldnrsquot His disclosure to me was the first time he had ever said anything about his abuse No one else knew mdash no one He was alone His pain was palpable and obvious His shame and guilt were profound Never had he admitted to himself what had happened in that school let alone admitted to a total stranger until that very moment I listened to his pain tried to console him just let him cry Eventually over the course of a couple of interviews it became obvious to me why he was in jail Any self-esteem that he had as a boy or young man was destroyed by his abuse His very essence was rewritten by the men who had abused him Teens get into trouble but they can also learn to later stay out of it by fol-lowing the teachings of those they trust But for this young man his ability to trust was destroyed by the very people who were sup-posed to care for him nurture him and dare I say it love him appro-priately What was even more tragic is that this man came from a cul-ture that has low tolerance for anything that even remotely resem-bles homosexuality
Being abused sent this man on a downward spiral that ultimately turned him into a drug addict by his own admission a junkie who hated himself for what ldquohe had
(Continued on page 32)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoOver the course of
several related careers I
have seen a lot of good
being done Irsquove also
seen a lot of ugliness
that even by todayrsquos
standards defies the
most common
sensibilities we have as
human beingsldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 32
donerdquo His shame and guilt and culture prevented him saying any-thing about what happened It cut him off from any legal action that might take place and removed any sort of financial compensation that he might gain as a result of his abuse It eventually cut him off from his own family because his drug abuse prevented him from working and supporting his wife and family It destroyed his ability to be a good dad and husband A few years later I saw him back in jail again
When I did encounter him again it was with an in-creased sense of awareness within me Every time a man disclosed to me that he had been sexually abused or assaulted I started to die inside A little piece of me just died every time a man said to me what I could not say to myself or anyone else That dormant volcano started to fume a bit more regularly
Over the course of several related careers I have seen a lot of good being done Irsquove also seen a lot of ugliness that even by todayrsquos standards defies the most common sensibilities we have as human beings It exists Itrsquos around every corner if we choose to look at it Along with the ugly we have the good We have people who are willing to take a stand and come forward to say to the world ldquoWe
Inside (Continued from page 31)
have a problem here itrsquos not going to go away and it needs to be fixedrdquo I had the good fortune to meet many of these people last year at a conference on male sex-ual victimization By then I had been able to learn from the men that I serve that perhaps I too could learn to tell someone Could I be a survivor too
Men in jail are there for a reason Whether itrsquos to protect society while they await trial or from
themselves or while sentenced they are here Whether I think they should be here is irrelevant They are usually at the end of their ropes Their lives are upside down and in turmoil They are frequently in withdrawal from illicit drug use They are in the bottom of a pit from which there does not appear to be an escape or refuge They are desperate and will act desperately
if needed They are angry and no longer have any control over their lives Someone has taken that control away from them They have no choice but to comply Failure to comply results in loss of privileges which can include being prohibited from contact with those they love the most Forced co-habitation with other men can evoke strong memories of prior abuse which they cannot deal with let alone understand It can be isolation
They are alone and cannot speak about their issues for fear of being discovered and further stigmatized and trau-matized by a peer group that cannot tolerate differences or diversity
I have been fortunate in that for some reason men trust me and feel safe and able to disclose And when they do you can see the relief on their faces They are scared for sure but it has always seemed to be a relief I have to ask them I have no choice because itrsquos part of my job But now as a survivor myself I can tell them they are not alone I cannot tell them about me but I can tell them they are not alone that they
are among the approximately one in six men who are assaulted or abused when they are boys or young men I can tell them about the few resources we have avail-able for men which are a 100 improvement compared to what they had when they first walked into my office I tell them about MaleSurvivor and have MS posters up in my office I can tell them that
ldquoTougher than lsquoNamrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 33
Maybe not I prefer to think that I have shown them that there is hope There is life in being a survi-vor they donrsquot have to be held hostage any longer by a secret that was put upon them by an abuser I prefer to think that I have been able to show them that they do not have to be ashamed for being male When I speak with them Irsquom a straight shooter I calls rsquoem as I sees lsquoem I use words they can understand mdash street language mdash which helps them understand their bodies and to understand that Mother Nature made them to be reactive and responsive I tell them that simply because their bodies reacted that their bodies re-sponded while being abused did not make the abuse their fault It takes a while to get there at times But the relief when the penny drops and they realize that they themselves were in no way respon-sible for the abuse is quite remark-able
Just this week Irsquove been working with a man who actually smiled when he came into my office He said ldquoI finally get it It wasnrsquot my faultrdquo He then went on to tell me that immediately prior to his at-tending in my office he had just disclosed to his sister while on the phone in his jail area surrounded by other inmates While it was perhaps not the safest venue for a disclosure he made his own deci-sion He said he was taking control As a 35 year old this man has not been in control since he was first abused at age seven Subsequent abuse only reinforced for him that he was an object a thing not worth anything Relationship after relationship failed him as he con-tinued to relive issues of abandon-
there are over 6000 people regis-tered at MS and that when they get out they will find tremendous support at the MS website I can tell them about Weekends of Re-covery without disclosing that attending a WOR was one of the best things I have done with my life They will know that they are no longer alone And not once has anyone asked me directly about me If they did I could not reply which in a round about way is a reply But I cannot reply Why The institution that I work in can be as intolerant of differences and diver-sity as the inmates are of each other The whole notion of male abuse and assault simply does not exist It is not spoken of It will not be spoken of mdash until now
Because abuse is now spoken of I have been able to create a support network for inmates and for myself Itrsquos a small step but a step never-theless Itrsquos spoken of now at a level never before reached in terms of official support and direction Support has yet to be defined but I have a mandate now to do a better job for male survivors Itrsquos on paper Itrsquos my goal
Safety of all concerned has to remain first and foremost mdash safety for the inmate safety for me With inmates disclosing to me often for the first time I am struck by what happens next A huge can of worms is opened And for what There is little safety here little opportunity to follow up The court system tosses these men around like dice One day they are here the next they are God knows where Have I done something that perhaps I shouldnrsquot have Maybe
ment physical and sexual abuse sexual orientation confusion anger management substance abuse domestic violence self respect low self esteem boundaries mdash these and much more impact upon this man daily But hersquos making a start Itrsquos another chance We all need them
I would be remiss to not mention the support of my colleagues Some of them do know about me and they have been tremendously supportive and understanding They too share a belief that it is possible for men to become survivors I cannot imagine doing this work everyday without their ongoing support I love you guys
The resources I refer to are few the Menrsquos Project in Ottawa The Gate-house in Toronto as well as local sexual assault centres I discovered on my own road to recovery that our local sexual assault centre does in fact offer services to men but does not advertise this due to the fear of being inundated with refer-rals They simply are not equipped to handle what surely lies out in my community When the report of the Cornwall Inquiry comes out later this year it is my belief that it will force our government our society to re-examine how its treatment of boys and men is provided Hope-fully those who are like I was feeling alone fearful uncomfortable in their own skin will feel more enabled to come forward to shed that skin that was put on them by their abuser(s) and step out of the ordinary letting their souls ascend and become free
Vol 2 No 2
Page 34
A History of Male Survi-vor Services in Queacutebec
and First Nations Communities
By Caroline Benamza (dance and drama therapistpsychotherapist at CRIPHASE)
And by Benoicirct St Jean (Director of CRIPHASE)
Contact Tel +1-514-529-55-67 Email infocriphaseorg
Website wwwcriphaseorg
T he latest statistics in Queacutebec show that one out of every six men has been sexually
abused before the age of 18 but there are very few statistics regard-ing male survivors and this estima-tion is only based on reported abuse Most adult men or boys who are survivors go unnoticed because most of the services in Queacutebec are exclusively for women In 2008 the male population in Queacutebec was about 3800000 of which about 3000000 are above 20 years of age (from the Institut de la Statistique) Therefore we can estimate that in Queacutebec there are around 500000 male survivors actually visible within the different health care services justice system and police departments The num-ber is already frightening for a seemingly peaceful society like Queacutebec When it comes to Native American communities as many as 80 of boys have been sexually abused before the age of 18 This number is quite similar mdash but for different reasons mdash to the male population within the Federal or Provincial prisons
The reality of male survivors of sexual abuse in childhood has remained in the dark for years in Queacutebec and it is only in the last four years that the government has acknowledged the necessity of funding counseling services for male survivors Historically it can be explained The first services for survivors have been developed since the 1960s within the very strong Queacutebeacutecois feminist move-ments The women have built along the years a strong network of ser-vices for female vic-tims of sexual abuse and domestic vio-lence Today these services still exist as the CALACS (Centres dAide et de Lutte contre les Agressions agrave Caractegravere Sexuel = Sexual Assault Cen-tres) network for survivors of sexual abuse Due to a strong belief in pro-viding a safe haven for women survivors men were turned away from these services and had nowhere to go Only two survivorsrsquo centres in the Montreal area outside the CALACS network welcomed men but those men represent only 5 of clients
This situation became obvious when the CAVAC (Centre drsquoAide pour les Victime drsquoActes Criminels = Crime Victims Assistance Centres) started to provide counseling ser-
vices to victims of criminal acts who wished to press charges and go through a court procedure The first services in Queacutebec for male survivors therefore came from a strong need in the society In 1996 the CAVAC decided to fund an experimental program directed by Denis Reneacute to offer a support group for male survivors This program was named the PHASE Groups (Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = For Men Sexually Abused in Child-
hood) With the suc-cess of these first groups between 1996 and 1997 the CAVAC of Montreal tried to secure funding for the continuation of services Unfortu-nately the PHASE Groups suffered from the double status it carried within the government the Minister of Justice that was the main funder of the CAVAC refused to fund a counseling service supposedly to be funded by the Health Minister Later the Health Minister turned down the
funding because as part of CAVAC the program should have been funded by the Minister of Justice
So it was in 1997 that Denis Reneacute decided to secure the future of the PHASE Groups by registering them
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoWhen it comes to
Native American
communities as many
as 80 of boys have
been sexually abused
before the age of 18
This number is quite
similarmdashbut for different
reasonsmdashto the male
population within the
Federal or Provincial
prisonsrdquo
February 2009
Page 35
intimacy and sexuality issues) and PHASE Artistique (a 10 weeks art and movement therapy program) with a holistic approach to body and mind recovery
In 2008 the very first weekend of recovery (named PHASE Weekend) was created and CRIPHASE wishes to make the weekend an annual event In 2003 for the first time
CRIPHASE became a full member of the Table de Concertation en Agressions Sexuelles (a gathering of several organizations providing services to survivors in addition to representatives from the Justice the Health Minister and the police) This cooperation allows a better understanding of survivor issues and needs as well as a better coor-
within a non-profit organization that took the name CRIPHASE (Centre de Resources et drsquointervention Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = Resource and Intervention Centre for Men who have been Sexually Abused in Childhood) For 10 years the Groups have survived on pri-vate funding and have provided two recovery Groups called PHASE 1 and PHASE 2 Each PHASE is a 10-week program serving non-offending male survivors over 18 years of age and of all sexual orienta-tions With its first public funding in 2004 of $38000 a director was en-gaged by the board of administration and in 2008 the PSOC (a funding body within the agency of Health and Social Services) fi-nally secured the future of CRIPHASE with a first major funding rooting CRIPHASE in the circle of sexual abuse survivors centres
Since 2006 CRIPHASE has devel-oped a major politics of visibility through the media conferences and meetings with the different actors of the Queacutebeacutecois stage Three more programs have been developed within CRIPHASE PHASE Conjoint (for partners of male survivors) PHASE Sexo (a 10 weeks program of recovery focusing on
dination of services on the ground From within the Table CRIPHASE has been able to educate people on the issue of male survivors and participate or initiate projects such as the Information Guide for Sexual Assault Victims and the first pre-vention mobilization and aware-ness march for sexual abuse survi-vors in 2008 The presence of CRIPHASE at the Table has also
allowed the feminists within the CALACS to have a better under-standing of the suffer-ing of male survivors who are also victims in their own way of an old patriarchal system CRIPHASE was also finally incorporated in the CALACS coordina-tion groupmdashcalled Table des CALACS mdash in 2008
Until 2008 there were no services provided in English (Queacutebec is a French-speaking province where Eng-lish speakers are a minority) due to lack of funding to translate the PHASE 1 docu-ments and employ English-speaking therapists The project
to offer groups in English had been put aside for years but finally in 2008 the first groups of PHASE 1 and 2 opened for English speakers The PHASE Artistique and PHASE Weekend are now bilingual pro-grams
(Continued on page 36)
Phone calls received at CRIPHASE
male survivors
therapists
relatives and loved ones
other
The average male survivor using the services at CRIPHASE is aged between 35 and 55
Vol 2 No 2
Page 36
Male survivors in the Native American
communities Recovery programs within Native American communities are only starting Many Native American men were sexually abused as well as psychologically and emotionally abused when they were sent to boarding schools across the province for assimila-tion The effects of this traumatic experience (including historic trauma) can be seen in all First Nations of Queacutebec Algonquians Cris Innus Abenakis Innuits Micmacs and so forth Today there is a strong need of heal-ing for this lost gen-eration but traumatic experiences and con-sequences have been passed on to the next generations Unfortu-nately sexual abuse is one of these problems which need to be addressed through prevention and coun-seling in a way that will integrate Native American traditions and their holistic ap-proach to medicine Such programs already exist within some communi-ties Organizations like GRIPMA (Groupe de Recherches et dInter-ventions Psychosociales en Milieu Autochtone = Research and Inter-vention group in Aboriginal Com-munities) located in the Huron
History of Male Survivor Services (Continued from page 35)
community of Wendake (near Queacute-bec city) provide a clinical expertise in intervention within Native Ameri-can communities On the other side the Aboriginal Healing Foun-dation based in Ottawa is currently funding 16 recovery projects for the First Nations in Queacutebec ad-dressing sexual abuse addiction prevention of suicide boarding schools trauma etc until 2010
Last year the publication of the five-year funding plan on sexual abuse by the provincial govern-ment of Queacutebec has seen the recognition of male survivors as a population in great need of ser-vices It has also recognized the necessity of providing services to the First Nations communities
Things are changing in Queacutebec for male survivors Because CRIPHASE is the only organization providing support and counseling to men in Queacutebec who have been sexually abused in childhood there is great hope for an increase of funding this year The constant develop-ment of CRIPHASE and the increase in phone calls and numbers of guys within the services (in 2008-
2009 there will be seven groups of PHASE 1 in-stead of five the year before) also show that men in Queacutebec are get-ting the right information on sexual abuse and services and are being encouraged to look for help and engage in re-covery
If you are one of these men in Queacutebec we are waiting for your call Remember you are not alone
For the annual march event please visit wwwmarchevasca (Information for the May 2009 march will be on line from February 2009)
Quilt Square by a Native Child from Alberta From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 37
MaleSurvivor is men surviving sexual abuse in Canada we will start with Canadarsquos sad legacy of abuse of children by clergy
A Brief Incomplete Canadian History
In Canada our First Nations People have had to bear the legacy of abuse they endured in Canadarsquos notorious residential schools Cur-rent issues of addictions and family and mental health problems amongst our First Nations people can be traced back to the legacy of abuse experienced by Native chil-dren in residential schools
Around 1874 the federal government began working with the churches (Catholic Anglican United and Presbyte-rian) to set up the Residential School System as a means to suppress Native cul-ture and promote assimilation In gen-eral children between the ages of five and 16 were taken from their parents and sent to church-run residen-tial schools The extent of the abuse in these church-run schools has been referred to as the ldquoCanadian Holocaustrdquo Recently the Canadian Government formed the Truth and Reconciliation Commis-sion (TRC) as part of the court-approved Indian Residential Schools Settlement Agreement The
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious
Leader By Nancy N Mayer MSW RSW
Partner Crisci amp Mayer Consultation Counselling and
Training Toronto wwwckmconsultationcom
Introduction
L ikely all the readers of this newsletter have knowledge and expertise about men
being physically sexually and emotionally abused Research tells us that abusers can come from any
walk of life and most often are known to the child or adult In the last decade abuse by clergy has finally ldquocome out of the closetrdquo so to
speak thanks to those brave survi-vors who have made public their experiences of being abused by clergy More than ever survivor groups are encouraging victims to report these crimes to the police and to consider seeking civil re-dress for their injuries Many groups believe that change in churches will only come when they are held accountable for the abuse perpetrated by clergy
This article will attempt to address the distinctive issues that are com-mon to this population of survivors Because the focus of this issue of
purpose of the commission is not to determine guilt or innocence but to create an historical account of the residential schools help people to heal and encourage reconciliation between Aboriginal and non-aboriginal Canadians
The notorious Mount Cashel Or-phanage is another Canadian leg-acy of sexual abuse by clergy This facility was operated in Newfound-land by the Christian Brothers More than a dozen priests were convicted after decades of abusing young boys at the orphanage
Mount Cashel Or-phanage closed in 1989 just six months after allegations of sexual physical and emotional abuse were published by the media (For more in depth information see Harris Michael Unholy Orders Trag-edy at Mount Cashel Ontario Viking Press 1990)
Like the US there have been hundreds and perhaps thou-sands of cases of children and vulner-
able adults abused by clergy in every religious denomination Unlike the US our country is not bound as strictly by statutes of limitations so lawsuits can proceed more freely Our sentences for convicted clerical sex offenders are
(Continued on page 38)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Nancy N Mayer
ldquo[First Nations] children
between the ages of five
and 16 were taken from
their parents and sent to
church-run residential
schools The extent of
the abuse in these
church-run schools has
been referred to as the
lsquoCanadian Holocaustrsquoldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 38
nowhere near as severe as those of our American neighbours Most first offenders will not serve a day in jail The civil awards for personal inju-ries are also quite low Our court system promotes set-tling these cases out of court When a case fails to go to trial it is not part of the public re-cord The widespread use of confidentiality orders media fatigue and Canadian reserve means that it is impos-sible to obtain accurate statistics on how often men are abused by clergy or even the ex-tent of the problem in this country
The Authority of Rel igious Leaders Religious organizations have always played a central role in our so-cieties They provide moral ethical and spiritual guidance Reli-gious teachings have given us a context and meaning for our lives Most religious belief revolves around a divine power or God Religious leaders (ministers priests rabbis elders nuns) are thought to be Godrsquos earthly repre-sentatives and are treated with reverence and respect They have intimate involvement with families and children at such vulnerable times as an illness death or other family crises They may have access
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 37)
to confidential information by virtue of their roles of confessor or counsellor A child brought up by religious parents is taught to re-spect these men and women Oth-ers associated with churches mdash choir leaders teachers cantors youth group leaders mdash are also considered trustworthy by virtue of their close
association with their religious organizations Most parents en-courage their childrenrsquos participa-tion in church-based activities believing them to be safe and wholesome
These leaders are considered to be esteemed authorities and as repre-sentatives of God wield a great deal of power Depending on the faith group there may be teachings
that support an unquestioning adherence to their instructions and guidance This makes children and vulnerable adults particularly sus-ceptible to exploitation by this group because they have access opportunity and trust
Misuse of Power Perpetrators can utilize their positions of power and trust to gain access to their victims some-times for extended periods of uninterrupted time They may tell children that they are being asked to ldquoserve Godrdquo or that they or their families will be punished if they do not do as instructed Chil-dren may be threatened with eternal damnation or blamed for leading the religious leader into sin If the religion con-siders premarital sex or same sex contacts as sinful the guilt will be compounded
In most cases the victim will not disclose or may disclose but not be
believed A child will have a difficult time convincing adults that he or she has been victimized The vic-timrsquos family culture or communi-ties have been socialized to see their religious leaders as unques-tionably good and incapable of lies This can lead to others denying or minimizing the victimrsquos experience of abuse The victim is initially harmed by the abuser and then is revictimized by those who cannot
ldquoMay Hope be Passed through Every Handrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 39
institutionrsquos response and lack of compassion and pastoral care
The Impact on Spir ituality
The frequently used term ldquosoul murderrdquo aptly describes what hap-pens when the abuser is a religious leader When the response of the religious institu-tion to a disclosure of abuse is experienced as self-serving and uncaring the survivor will likely lose his faith in the religious community of which he has been a part To belong and to feel connected is a basic human need When abused by clergy the loss of connection and belonging to what may have been a spiritual anchor can be devastating
To compound the harm the abuse may have occurred in a religious building The abuser may have worn traditional cleri-cal attire or may have made religious or biblical refer-ences As a result being exposed to religious symbols music or any other reminder can trigger flashbacks and other uncomfortable physical symptoms
The cleric is often considered Godrsquos representative on earth This gives the cleric power that surpasses his position and status When abuse is at the hands of a minister nun
accept that their spiritual leaders are capable of abuse There are many stories of clergy abuse survi-vors being abandoned by their religious communities (who side with the cleric) and their families who cannot face leaving the church that has given their lives meaning and comfort The resultant feelings of betrayal and abandonment are profound
The Role of the Religious Inst itutions
When religious institutions hold themselves up as ethical compasses and arbitrators of right and wrong society has an expectation that church leaders will act in a fair and moral way Many US Commissions and Grand Juries and Canadian reports such as the Winter Com-mission Report (Archdiocese of St Johns Newfoundland Canada 1990) Child Abuse in Community Institutions and Organizations and Improving Public and Professional Understanding (prepared for the Law Commission of Canada) all record and explain the dynamics that have lead to the failure of religious institutions to protect our children
While it is well known that any institution mdash educational recrea-tional or spiritual mdash is not immune from having sex offenders in its midst the religious institutions have a particular legacy of protect-ing the institution through aggres-sive legal tactics versus truth telling and reconciliation Many victims state that they have been less wounded by the actual abuse and profoundly more damaged by the
priest rabbi minister or elder the recipient of the abuse may experi-ence profound guilt for ldquoparticipatingrdquo in ldquosinfulrdquo behaviour mdash a mistaken belief that he is respon-sible for the abuse or shame that
he has ldquosinnedrdquo He may believe he is deserving of rejection or eternal damnation If he confesses he risks exposing the cleric who has likely done what he could to trick the victim into believing that he must maintain silence and secrecy One survivor describes feeling that rdquoIt was like being abused by God him-self If even God couldnrsquot love me how could anyone else ever love merdquo
These factors alone can leave a man who has been abused by clergy unable to find comfort and solace in what used to be his spiritual beliefs and his church Without these familiar beliefs the survivor is aban-
doned and alone when he most needs support
The Role of Gender While woman are ordained in some denominations there is still an imbalance of power between men and women in many religious tradi-tions For boys and men abused by male clerics embarrassment and
(Continued on page 40)
ldquoThe frequently used
term lsquosoul murderrsquo aptly
describes what happens
when the abuser is a
religious leader When
the response of the
religious institution to a
disclosure of abuse is
experienced as self-
serving and uncaring
the survivor will likely
lose his faith in the
religious community of
which he has been
a partrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 40
concerns of how they will be per-ceived promote silence For the boy or man abused by a female cleric there may be worries that he will be labelled the seducer or pres-sured to consider this ldquorelationshiprdquo as non-abusive
The study conducted by the John Jay Col-lege of Criminal Jus-tice regarding The Nature and Scope of the Problem of Sexual Abuse of Minors by Priests and Deacons in the Catholic Church (Washington DC USCCB 2004) found some very disturbing information about the age and gender of victims The largest group of reported victims (509) was between the ages of 11 and 14 273 of victims were 15 to 17 16 were eight to 10 and nearly 6 were under age seven Overall 81 of vic-tims were male and 19 female Male victims tended to be older than female victims Over 40 of all victims were males between the ages of 11 and 14
The largest group of reported victims in this study consisted of boys who were entering puberty This is a tumultuous time in most
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 39)
young menrsquos lives To have this period of development disrupted can contribute to many mental health problems including lack of confidence disruption of emo-tional sexual and psycho-social development isolation sexual identity confusion depression anxiety and abuse of substances
In Summary The harm experienced by those
who are abused by clergy is profound and multifaceted Some therapists will not want to work with survivors of clergy abuse due to the complexity of their issues their limited knowledge of the subject area possible religious biases and potential for litigation Most (but certainly not all) survivors will have experienced revictimization by their churches or religious institutions This compounded by abuse by a religious leader in a position of power will under-standably lead to unique challenges Survivors will have
significant trust issues that can impede the forming of a trusting therapeutic relationship with a therapist who will also be in a position of power and may be an employee of an institution With transparency and skill on the part of the therapist and tenacity on the part of the survivor effective thera-
peutic partnership can be achieved While recovery is difficult it is possible
The irony is that many survivors of abuse by clergy have a strong sense of integrity morality and perseverance They learned the lessons that the ldquoreligiousrdquo offend-ers failed to learn At the core of their beings these clergy abuse survivors are the prophets who have come to speak the truth and reveal the abuse and the decep-tions It is this desire for social justice truth telling belonging and connection that will allow a healthy spiritual belief system to rise out of the ashes of what has happened It is this healthy spiritual belief that makes many clergy abuse survivors persistent and tenacious in seeking recovery and social justice They are making a difference and chang-ing the world as we know it
ldquoThe harm experienced
by those who are
abused by clergy is
profound and
multifaceted Some
therapists will not want
to work with survivors
of clergy abuse due to
the complexity of their
issues their limited
knowledge of the
subject area possible
religious biases and
potential for litigationldquo
February 2009
Page 41
tion of it earlier in the lsquo90s but 1997 is when there was a critical mass of mostly male survivors coming forward and taking action against Maple Leaf Gardens Your question specifically was ldquoDid it play a role in my choice of ca-reersrdquo
MS Yes
SJ Yes and no The Maple Leaf
Gardens cases were not my first sexual assault cases but my in-volvement in these cases solidified my interest and desire to help sur-vivors
MS Could you take a few minutes to explain to our readers just what the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal was and why it has played a central role in revealing the extent of sex-ual abuse at least in the Toronto area
of my clients will say something like ldquoYou know this is not about the money I donrsquot care how much I get this is about something elserdquo And whatever that person seeks mdash an apology or the empowerment of filing a lawsuit or a million other unique things mdash that is why I do this kind of work Itrsquos about helping people through whatever process they need in order to begin that healing process the moving forward process
MS And also to provide your clients with a sense of justice
SJ Absolutely Justice is really not about the money itrsquos about the knowledge that theyrsquove come forward theyrsquove done something and theyrsquove empowered themselves It takes a tre-mendous amount of courage to do that I am always in awe of my cli-ents for the amount of courage they have They are my inspiration
MS Many Americans are unaware of the so-called Maple Leaf Gar-dens sex scandal that began some-time in the 1960s but didnrsquot come to wide public attention until 1997 the year after you began practicing law Did this scandal have some affect on your choice of career
SJ Actually the scandal did come to prominence before 1997 There was scattered media atten-
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 1)
SJ Sure There was a series of men who were employed at Maple Leaf Gardens which was the home of the Toronto Maple Leafs mdash the hockey club mdash who over a period of a couple of decades sexually abused probably hundreds of chil-dren It started in the lsquo60s it went on we believe until the early lsquo80s There were two principal men in-volved but there were at least three
others who also were ac-cused In order to under-stand why the Maple Leaf Gardens sex scandals are as important as they are you have to understand that hockey in Toronto and hockey in Canada is almost a religion Hockey is to Canadians what the NFL or Major League Baseball is to Americans Every little boy dreams of about becoming the next Wayne Gretzky becoming the best hockey player he can be Maple Leaf Gar-dens was the home of one of the best loved and biggest hockey teams mdash the Toronto Maple Leafs The Gardens was the high
temple of hockey in Canada and still is In the lsquo60s lsquo70s and even the lsquo80s children mdash mostly boys mdash would go to Maple Leaf Gardens usually unaccompanied by their parents because back then nobody really thought that anything bad would happen to them at the Gar-dens The boys would go there ei-ther for practice games or to watch the Maple Leafs play or more likely they would go to watch To-
(Continued on page 42)
ldquoMaple Leaf Gardens in Memory of Martin Kruzerdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 42
ronto Marlies games The Marlies were the farm team for the Toronto Maple Leafs During these games and these practices the pedophiles who worked at the Gardenrsquos would often befriend these boys seeking out boys who were more vulner-able than others most likely and would sexually assault the boys sometimes off-property but most often within the Gardens itself They would use their position as employees of the Gardens to be able to say to the boys if you come with me Irsquoll get you a broken hockey stick or hockey puck or Irsquoll get you into better seats the next game or whatever other type of inducement would be necessary to get the boys to go with them into either a washroom or a training room or other private place where the boys would be sexually abused
In 1997 there were about 50 or 60 cases all joined to-gether and Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Entertainment Ltd wanted to settle all the cases prior to the Toronto Maple Leafs moving into a new hockey rink called the Air Canada Center so as to have a clean slate at the new rink By and large a lot of the litigation was fin-ished before the team moved into the Air Canada Center but not all of it In fact there are probably 17 or 19 cases going through the court
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 41)
system today more than 10 years after the original large group of plaintiffs went through the court and I believe that new people will continue to come forward when they are strong enough
MS I understand that one of the principal plaintiffs in the case Mar-tin Kruze had settled with the owners or the operators of the Ma-ple Leaf Gardens in 1995 and that he signed a confidentiality agree-ment not to reveal the settlement
or perhaps even the details of what had happened to him Do you think that the confidentiality agree-ment Mr Kruze agreed to slowed down or hindered the full exposure of this scandal
SJ I think that any confidentiality agreement blocks public access to knowledge and to understanding so I do suspect that Martinrsquos confi-dentiality agreement did have some impact on the scandal re-
maining hidden for as long as it did Absolutely yes I believe that confidentiality agreements are in-herently difficult for plaintiffs be-cause they create and continue a cycle of secrecy Sexual assault is a crime that is almost always carried out in secret and the guilt and shame it produces is key in helping pedophiles maintain their hold over their victims Putting a confidential-ity agreement on a settlement just perpetuates the guilt and the shame
MS Unfortunately Martin Kruzersquos principal perpetrator received a shockingly light sen-tence for all his actions and I understand that this led to Martin com-mitting suicide shortly afterwards
SJ I would think that the perpetratorrsquos sentence was a part of why Martin chose to end his life yes It hap-pened relatively shortly after the sentencing and I suspect that it weighed heavily on Martinrsquos decision
MS Do you think that the sen-tence that the perpetrator received was a reflection of the then current attitude towards pedophiles and sexual abuse
SJ The sentence that the perpe-trator received was a reflection on the way that the Canadian justice system deals with criminals regard-ing personal crimes absolutely It was a very low sentence in keep-
Imants Kruze visiting his sonrsquos memorial quilt square in the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 43
obtain here versus how much they can obtain in the United States In the United States there is no cap for pain and suffering awards whereas here in Canada there is a very small cap mdash about $325000 If a survivor of sexual assault goes through the court system and even if they have a very good day in court in terms of compensation yoursquore probably looking at an award for dam-ages somewhere be-tween $200000 and $500000 Sometimes itrsquos actually less than $200000 and very very rarely more than $500000 so in that sense we are defi-nitely behind But I donrsquot think itrsquos a question of waiting 10 years to see if we ldquocatch uprdquo I think itrsquos just a fundamental difference in how our court system works and whatrsquos available to survivors in terms of compensation
If you mean that Canada is 10 years behind in dealing with other aspects of sexual assault then you are probably correct in terms of media attention public awareness and outrage Sexual assault is still largely an unreported unprose-cuted crime But things are getting better every day and as more and more survivors come forward posi-tive changes will continue to hap-pen
MS As Irsquom sure you know therersquos periodic discussion about tort re-
ing with what was handed out at the time and to a large extent itrsquos still in keeping with what is handed out right now
MS Are you still representing or have you represented anyone who is a plaintiff in this scandal
SJ I was very much involved in the core group of Maple Leaf Gar-dens survivors that came forward in 1997 I was on what was called the plaintiffsrsquo committee back then which was a group of a few lawyers who brought the litigation forward I represented a number of plaintiffs in the original group that came forward I have also represented quite a few men throughout the last 10 years and currently repre-sent two men in the last group of plaintiffs to come forward I have also been approached by at least two other men who may decide to pursue litigation
MS Dale English mdash who has spo-ken to you at some length mdash has said to me that either you or he or both of you have felt that Canada is perhaps 10 or more years behind the US in dealing with the issues of sexual abuse and sexual assault Could you elaborate on that com-ment
SJ I think it depends on what you mean by dealing with the is-sues If you mean dealing with the issues in terms of bringing civil cases forward to a certain extent we are behind One of the funda-mental differences between the United States and Canada is the way that our tort systems operate and specifically the amount of compensation that tort victims can
form in the United States mainly aimed at capping punitive dam-ages Irsquom wondering whether there is the mirror of that in Canada mdash whether therersquos any movement to-wards tort reform that would allow greater awards to victims
SJ Well there is and there isnrsquot In Canada itrsquos very difficult if not
impossible to get pu-nitive damages espe-cially if therersquos a criminal conviction The punitive damages that are available in Canada are very low A typical punitive damage award would be $20000 or $25000 - usually not much more than that So damages are quite restricted here in any event In terms of tort reform I think there is a global push by in-surance companies to
try to limit compensation whether in the States or here The things that the American Association of Justice are fighting for down in the States are the same things that the Ontario Trial Lawyers Association are fighting for here mdash the continued ability to sue for compensation un-hampered by legislative roadblocks benefitting powerful institutional defendants to the detriment of those who have suffered Ours is a much smaller playing field and therefore less money is at stake In terms of plaintiffsrsquo lawyers wersquore trying to maximize the compensa-tion that we can get for our client Every time we go to court we try
(Continued on page 44)
ldquoIf you mean that
Canada is 10 years
behind in dealing with
other aspects of sexual
assault then you are
probably correct in
terms of media
attention public
awareness and outrageldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 44
to get a higher damage award so that that case will be a building block for future cases There are always attempts to try to circum-vent the cap on pain and suffering damages that we have Itrsquos not an easy thing to do the cap has been in place in Canada for 32 years now It was put in place in 1977 by the Supreme Court of Canada and itrsquos unlikely to be overturned any-time soon Even though from a purely theoretical legal analysis that cap does not apply to pain and suffering damages for victims of sexual assault and sexual abuse the reality is that judges still use that cap as a high water mark even though it doesnrsquot formally apply mdash it is still a de facto cap and to be honest with you it is almost impos-sible to get anywhere near that cap for compensation for pain and suf-fering A typical pain and suffering award in Canada for childhood sex-ual abuse is somewhere between $100000 and $200000 Anything on top of that would be associated economic loss or care costs
MS Itrsquos quite unfortunate that even though therersquos no real cap the law behaves as if there were one
SJ Yep I couldnrsquot agree with you more Itrsquos very unfortunate
MS I understand that in 2005 the government of Ontario convened whatrsquos known as the Cornwall Pub-lic Inquiry Was the Inquiry con-vened to address the issues of sex-ual abuse and sexual assault and
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 43)
the way the justice system is han-dling it
SJ Thatrsquos probably one of the reasons the Inquiry was convened Thatrsquos one of the hopes The In-quiry was convened because of what was going on in a little city east of Toronto mdash a series of allega-tions against very prominent mem-bers of that community involving the sexual abuse of children over a period of many many years The idea behind the Inquiry is to try to figure out what happened and to put in place some recommenda-tions that will not only stop some-thing like the abuse in Cornwall from happening again but will also try to help those who were affected by the events in the first place And to some extent I think some good will come of the Inquiry Hopefully the recommendations will be good for survivors of childhood sexual abuse or any kind of sexual assault The Submission phase of the In-quiry officially ended late February 2009
MS Did you have the opportunity to testify before the Inquiry
SJ I did not personally testify before the Inquiry Testimony was generally limited to the people ac-tually involved mdash police officers vic-tims what not I was involved in the Inquiry with regards to a panel discussionroundtable that they had regarding the use of confiden-tiality agreements
MS As you probably know Male-Survivor was first founded in the early 1980s by a group of thera-pists who were concerned about support for victims of childhood
sexual abuse and although Male-Survivor is still not a very large or-ganization it has increased its in-fluence significantly over the years and Irsquom wondering whether there is a similar non-profit or other group in Canada that also is dedi-cated to helping victims of child-hood sexual abuse
SJ There are some grass roots organizations that deal with victims of childhood sexual abuse or adult sexual assault I donrsquot believe there is as cohesive a unit as MaleSurvi-vor I may be wrong on that but there are smaller more community based organizations that assist sur-vivors That being said resources available to survivors are unfortu-nately pretty limited
MS Is that because there are too few therapists in that form of prac-tice
SJ I think itrsquos a mixture of many different things First of all Canada has a much smaller population base mdash 30 million people as com-pared to 300 million in the United States mdash so you have significantly fewer people affected and there-fore you have significantly fewer resources available to those people The services that we do have will often have very long waiting lists before people can access them There are some very very good counselors in Canada assisting sur-vivors but unfortunately the waiting lists are sometimes long and the availability for public funding to provide services free of charge is somewhat limited
MS Is there anything in your opinion about the Canadian health
February 2009
Page 45
system that contributes to the scar-city of services
SJ I donrsquot know if itrsquos the Cana-dian health system I think that in Canada we have a pretty good public health system in the sense that anybody who needs medical services can access those services free of charge The problem is that a lot of these services are not covered under our health system per se Many are covered under either private plans or pay as you go type services and itrsquos just a question of finding the people who can provide these services and being lucky enough to get them when they either donrsquot have a waiting list or other-wise having to wait until your name comes up on that waiting list
MS And that could takes years in some cases it seems
SJ My understanding is that those waiting lists can be quite long but there are very good peo-ple out there Itrsquos just a question of finding them and being able to afford them
MS Can you elaborate on other differences between the US and Canada that affect the way survi-vors and perpetrators are treated by the legal system and the media
SJ The differences between Can-ada and the US are really huge On the surface Americans and Canadi-ans look pretty much the same dress the same talk the same eat the same foods and by and large watch the same TV but culturally there is a huge difference in the way we look at the world in the
way our legal system works and the way that people interact with one another
Americans are much more litigious by na-ture I think this is due to the fact that in the United States mdash at least as seen from the outside mdash the rights of the individual are paramount In Can-ada less so Canada is much more commu-nity-oriented We of-tentimes think about how something is going to affect others instead of looking at what an individual might be entitled to I think that the high
damage awards available through the American legal system are beneficial in sexual abuse cases as is the lack of a cap on awards which we have
In some ways though our legal system is much better for my cli-ents than the US system would be because of the way that our actual process works One of the things that I know is very damaging to a lot of plaintiffs in the United States is the whole discovery process tak-
ing depositions Depositions can go on for a huge number of days and pretty much everybody in the per-sonrsquos life can be called to give a deposition That is very troubling and painful for people who donrsquot necessarily want others to know about their abuse or donrsquot want to involve their family Here in Canada depositions mdash or what we call the examination for discovery mdash are lim-ited to the actual named parties in the lawsuit The defendant and the plaintiff are examined for discovery or deposed if you will Anyone who is not an actual party to the litiga-tion can only be discovered under court orders and itrsquos very difficult to get those court orders so in that sense itrsquos a much quicker cleaner process and less intrusive on some-onersquos life So that is probably a good thing
The other really huge difference between the two systems which I think does in fact impact on why a lot of these cases settle as opposed to going to court and oftentimes settle for very different amounts of money than they would if they went to court is that in Canada we have a ldquoloser paysrdquo system If you go to court and you lose you have to pay at least a portion of the fees incurred by the other side Letrsquos say the defendantrsquos settlement offer is $100000 If the plaintiff does not accept that $100000 and at trial the plaintiff gets $99000 then the plaintiff has to pay the lawyerrsquos fees of the defendant because the award is less than the settlement offer That is very difficult That means that a lot of cases are set-tled for probably less money than
(Continued on page 46)
ldquoOn the surface
Americans and
Canadians look pretty
much the same hellip but
culturally there is a
huge difference in the
way we look at the
world in the way our
legal system works and
the way that people
interact with one
anotherldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 46
MS I join you in that hope Any-thing that can advance the cause of not only helping people but also helping prevent further abuses is always going to be welcome If you could set forth a vision of how you would like to see the law and the therapeutic community in Canada evolve to handle matters of child-
hood sexual abuse and sexual assault mdash if you could influence the reform of institu-tions what would your vision be
SJ Oh Richard Wow Well first and foremost I would love to raise public aware-ness of this issue for various reasons I think that increased public awareness will not necessarily reduce the instances of abuse but will help improve how abuse is dealt with when itrsquos ongoing and after-wards Itrsquos very im-portant that when a child is hurt that
child knows that he can go to peo-ple for help and support All too often if kids get up enough cour-age to tell someone the reaction they get is not very positive I think that with increased public aware-ness hopefully people will under-stand that there are ways to deal with this that will decrease the amount of harm so public aware-ness is paramount
I would like the legal system to raise compensation awards for sur-
turning point in bringing to the publicrsquos attention that the sexual assault of children can happen does happen and itrsquos a very diffi-cult thing for anyone to go through whether theyrsquore little boys or grown men that were abused as children It brought childhood sex-ual abuse out of the shadows to a certain extent The scandal still garners media attention as new survivors come forward but not the same as it did 10 years ago
MS Would you say that the lack of inves-tigative reporting is a cultural phenomenon or is it that the news-papers donrsquot feel they have that role
SJ Oh no Canadian newspapers do feel that they have a role in investigating things but for whatever rea-son sexual abuse of children has not been a priority The Cana-dian media really has not been at the forefront of this issue the way the media in the United States has been and I think that is tremen-dously disappointing The lack of media attention means that we arenrsquot fostering the awareness within the public that we need in order to provide real help and ser-vices for survivors We need the mediarsquos help to bring this horrific crime to light and to help stop it from happening
they would get if they went to court because that risk of going to court and not getting at least the amount of the original offer weighs heavily on everyone Our system is designed and geared toward avoid-ing trials which can be good be-cause nobody really wants to go through a trial but can be bad be-cause people become very intimi-dated by the prospect of losing or not getting as much as the settle-ment offer and being indebted to the defendant for a lot of money Thatrsquos a scary scary thing to go through
With regards to the media the US has a media that by and large has helped out a lot with sexual abuse cases The whole issue of clergy abuse really started with investiga-tive reporting by the Boston Globe right
MS Right
SJ They really took that issue and just ran with it Here in Canada we really havenrsquot had the same kind of investigative media cover-age as yoursquove had which is why events like the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal are not as huge as they are down in the States
Before Martin Kruze committed sui-cide the media was only somewhat interested in the Maple Leaf Gar-dens scandal Martin Kruze was a figure because he had sued the Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Com-plex But after he committed sui-cide the media was really galva-nized and that was probably a
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 45)
ldquoThe lack of media
attention means that we
arenrsquot fostering the
awareness within the
public that we need in
order to provide real
help and services for
survivors We need the
mediarsquos help to bring
this horrific crime to
light and to help stop it
from happeningrdquo
February 2009
Page 47
ments but it canrsquot at this stage really happen through the courts
I would want there to be an ability for institutions or perpetrators mdash de-fendants mdash to look beyond mere dollars and cents and look toward healing the person that they have hurt either directly or indirectly All too often in these cases we really become tied up in the legal minu-tiae of things as opposed to defen-dants saying ldquoOK letrsquos step back here and letrsquos try to helprdquo
I wish that there were a real under-standing that these cases are not car accident cases and they should
not be treated as car accident cases My clients are not people whorsquove broken a leg and therefore need X amount of dollars in order to pay for medical services or whatnot And unfortu-nately that doesnrsquot necessarily happen
In terms of the thera-peutic community I would love to see counseling and therapy ses-sions be paid for through the pub-lic purse so that people who re-quire the services of highly-skilled counselors and therapists and psy-chologists can access those services without having to pay for them A lot of clients just donrsquot have the economic means to pay for such services until after they get a set-tlement and that could take years It would be wonderful to see those kinds of services funded the same way as a trip to the emergency room or a trip to your family doc-tor for a cold is funded Irsquod love to
vivors The amount of damage that can be done as a result of child-hood abuse or in fact any kind of sexual assault is tremendous It affects almost every aspect of someonersquos life It becomes inter-generational because it affects the people around the survivor and compensation awards are still very much a pale reflection of what is needed in order to help these peo-ple I hope that at some point our judges and our legislature under-stand that need and can corre-spondingly give appropriate and reasonable damage awards so that people can start to rebuild their lives in a meaningful way
I would love there to be an opportunity within our civil system for more than just compensation At this stage the only thing that a civil judge can do is award monetary compensation There are a lot of creative things that you can do within a settlement that are not purely fi-nancial that can give a lot of sol-ace to someone who has been abused whether that be in the form of some non-financial healing whether it be in the form of a situation where somebody can con-front their abuser if thatrsquos what they wish to do in a safe setting or whether itrsquos the ability for that sur-vivor to do something outside of pure simple dollars and put for-ward some sort of healing plan that is as individual as they are That can happen through settle-
be able to see that I think that that would go a long way to helping people earlier rather than later
Ultimately I wish that this situation didnrsquot exist anymore and I would be put out of business frankly
MS Well I can certainly sympa-thize with the way you feel but it would seem that you have a career ahead of you dealing with this problem
SJ Unfortunately I think you are right I think that instances of child-hood sexual abuse are not neces-sarily going down I think that insti-tutions are getting a little bit better at putting in place policies and sometimes even following their own policies to stop pedophiles from entering those institutions and preying on people that those insti-tutions are theoretically set up to serve but I think that as long as the problem of childhood sexual abuse is with us I will be out there trying to help anybody that I can
MS Is there anything else yoursquod like to say to our readers
SJ I think that organizations such as MaleSurvivor are imperative in helping people understand that they are not alone that itrsquos not their fault and there are ways to get help So hats off to an organi-zation such as yours The clients I have who are involved in your or-ganization are very very well served so I have to thank you for being a resource
MS Thank you very much for your kind comments and for your time Simona
ldquoUltimately I wish that
this situation didnrsquot exist
anymore and I would be
put out of business
franklyrdquo
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-
Vol 2 No 2
Page 4
Event Calendar (continued)
Conferences and Workshops
Date Place Description
May 1-3 2009
Center for New Beginnings
129 Center Point Dr Dahlonega GA
Possibilities in the HomestretchmdashAn Experiential Weekend for women survivors of sexual abuse who are beginning to thrive and
want more joy more freedom more personal power Led by Joanna Colrain and Mikele Rauch For more information con-tact Joanna at (770) 220-4059 or Mikele at mikelerauchgmailcom
June 8 2009 930am - 430pm
Ontario Science Centre Talus
Room 770 Don Mills Rd Toronto
Ontario
What Every Victim Treatment Provider Needs to Know about Offender Thinking and Risk
This workshop led by Anna Salter PhD will address common ways offenders confuse trick and manipulate victims and the implications on treating victims who struggle with issues of responsibilities and reporting Sponsored by Crisci amp Mayer For more information call (416) 480-1611 ext 223 or email trainingckmconsultationcom
August 14-16 2009 800am - 500pm
Doubletree Hotel Bradley Interna-tional Airport 16 Ella Grasso Turn-
pike Windsor Locks CT
The Twelfth Annual Ritual Abuse Secretive Organizations and Mind Control Conference
The goal is to help stop future occurrences of ritual abuse to help survivors of ritual abuse to name the groups that have participated in alleged illegal activities and to unite those working to stop ritual abuse For more information visit the conference website or email smartnewsaolcom Pre-registration is preferred
September 21-26 2009
Town and Country Resort amp Conven-tion Center500
Hotel Circle North San Diego CA
The 14th International Conference on Violence Abuse and Trauma
Promoting Peace in the Home Your Community and the World Link-ing Practice Research and Policy Across the Lifespan For more infor-mation visit the conference website or call (858) 627-1860 ext 4030 or email ivatconfalliantedu
March 18-21 2010
John Jay College of Criminal Justice 899 Tenth Ave-nue New York
NY
MaleSurvivor International Conference Relief Healing and Hope for Male Survivors
For adult male survivors of sexual abuse their friends family and loved ones clinicians attorneys law enforcement professionals legal advocates researchers educators students and those who care Watch the MaleSurvivor website for information about being a pre-senter as well as a list of the speakers being lined up The 2010 con-ference promises to be as always a transformative experience
February 2009
Page 5
Connecting the Dots By Dale English MS CAS
I have a very distant memory of being in the first grade in a small New Hampshire town
sitting at my one-piece wood and iron deskchair and being exposed to multitasking for the first time by Sister Mary George She gave me a paper covered with a mass of dots each with a number next to it The task was to connect the numbered dots in ascending order with straight lines If done correctly a
picture would ap-pear serving both as proof of mastery and as an object waiting to be coloredmdasha prize for onersquos efforts Uncon-sciously I must have
been channeling this moment of history as I crisscrossed Canada through emails and phone calls meeting each of the contributors of this Issue and discovering yet again that the first frame of a perception is often quite different from the last
The first dot on this journey be-longed to the woman I think of when anyone says the word ldquoCanadardquo to me Toronto therapist Lynne MacDonell of the Weekend of Recovery team provided her vision of the challenges faced by
survivors in her country and the first of the names that would ac-company each of the next few dots I was led to John Muise and Ellen Campbell from the Canadian Center for Abuse Awareness who write in this issue about the legisla-tive role in abuse Tom Wilken therapist and author who facilitates support groups for men Jim Hall facilitator from the Menrsquos Trauma Group Program in Scarborough Ontario Glenn Allan a local radio personality who facilitates a support group for male survi-vors J A a survivortherapist who serves in an area necessitat-ing confidentiality and Robert Hawkings a psychotherapist who is the newest member of the Week-end of Recovery program
The dots that followed came with names like Bruce Jordan David and Robert all alumni of the WOR program courageously willing to share some of their journeys with our readers Then the newest mem-ber of the MS newsletter team Mark H volunteered to take on the massive task of locating sup-port groups and other services for male survivors across Canada It was then from Mark that we re-ceived the name of the person who would be this Issuersquos front page interview attorney Simona Jellinek From Simona came the name of psychotherapist Nancy Mayer who
works with survivors of clergy sex-ual abuse and from Nancy came the name of Robert Beacuterubeacute who founded a male survivor Facebook page facilitates groups and advo-cates for services for male survivors Everyone mentioned thus far is
from the province of Ontario However a dance and movement colleague from France Caroline Benamza who also works in Queacutebec province provided our final dot repre-senting our French speaking brothers who are serviced by an organization called CRIPHASE My at-tempts to connect with men and women
whose efforts lie with serving First Nations people and their survivors from residential schools were un-successful Their stories will be told the next time we visit Canada in a future Issue of the newsletter
What a journey it has been for me to meet and converse with such wonderful and committed men and women all focused on doing what they can to make a difference in the life of men who were once innocent little boys These are ordinary people doing extraordinary things as they shed light on crimes against the most vulnerable of humanity on a scale that equals some of worldrsquos worst moments Let this Issue of the newsletter
(Continued on page 7)
Just a Thought
Dale English
ldquoLet this Issue of the
newsletter serve as the
screaming voice that
every survivor wished he
had possessed to call for
someone to enter the
room and stop the
abuserdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 6
By Richard Cleverly
O n a cold October morning in 1997 Martin Kruze a courageous young man
who had been an inspiration to thousands of sexually abused Cana-dian men leapt to his death from Torontorsquos Bloor Street Viaduct Three days earlier his abuser of many years (and the sexual abuser of many other boys) Gordon Stuck-less had been sentenced to two years plus a day for his crimes mdash a mere slap on the wrist and more
than Martin could bear
Eight months ear-lier 35 year old Martin Kruze went public with his harrow-ing story of his sexual abuse most
of which occurred between 1975 and 1982 in Canadarsquos high temple of hockey Torontorsquos Maple Leaf Gardens In 1993 Martin sued Ma-ple Leaf Sports and Entertainment the operator of the Gardens which settled with him for $60000 in re-turn for his silence about what had happened to him and others at the Gardens
Four years later and a month after another hockey-related story of sexual abuse broke in the national media Martin decided to end his silence Martinrsquos story galvanized the media and shocked and out-
raged the Canadian public as no other revelation of sexual abuse had In the months that followed Martin used his ldquocelebrityrdquo to begin working to help his fellow survi-vors many of whom still credit him with helping save their lives But tragically his good works and the adulation he received did little to alleviate the terrible pain and suffering the rage and self-hatred and the profound despair that had led him to attempt sui-cide several times previously
A few months before his death Martin visited Michael Irving PhD the creator of the wonderful Child Abuse Survivor Monument in To-ronto Martin wanted to contribute his own ldquoquilt squarerdquo to the Monu-ment and arranged to work on it that fall Martin died before he could make his contribution how-ever with the assistance of Martinrsquos brothers Dr Irving made a death cast of Martinrsquos hand and sculpted a portrait of Martin from the family photo above His father Imants Kruze named the finished work ldquoMartinrsquos Hoperdquo which later be-came the title of a policy document published by the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness recommend-ing comprehensive reform of the criminal justice system (see page 28)
I have chosen to grace this publica-tion with several images of the beautiful and poignant bronzed quilt squares from the Monument
Although Martinrsquos tragic story did much to help raise awareness of male sexual abuse and assault in Canada and prepare the ground for reforms much work remains to create an integrated system of care for abused men The contributors to this special Canadian issue of the MaleSurvivor newsletter ndash care providers and advocates attorney Simona Jellinek who seeks justice for survivors and the men who tell their stories ndash share a common goal of advancing the cause of boys and men who have suffered so much at the hands of predators including First Nations people who were vic-tims of the ldquoCanadian Holocaustrdquo (see page 37)
I extend my deepest gratitude to you all
Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze
Richard Cleverly
Martin Kruze
February 2009
Page 7
serve as the screaming voice that every survivor wished he had pos-sessed to call for someone to enter the room and stop the abuse We have just scratched the surface in this effort to respond to the men of Canada So much more is needed and networking is at the center of any successful effort I would ask all our Canadian readers to contact one of these contributors and ask what you could do in this most worthy endeavor And take heart because when all the dots are connected a picture appears It is the picture of compassion and hope It is a picture of many pic-tures and they all have names And theyrsquore waiting for you
Connecting the Dots (Continued from page 5)
reclaim onersquos life and the free-dom to thrive and not simply exist
Being with other men who will absolutely provide support to one another no matter how different they may be in terms of history esteem country of origin abuse history masculin-ityfemininity or sexual orienta-tion and
Being in a safe enough space to speak to move to sing to breathe deeply to create with or without formal artistic train-ing to listen and to connect
Our next weekend mdash March 27-29 mdash will take place at the Sequoia Re-treat Center in Ben Lomond Cali-
Warm Welcome (Continued from page 2)
fornia nestled in the redwood madrone and tan oak forest of the Santa Cruz Mountains As of the third week of February we have 21 registrants with room for 28 I am not sure how many spaces will be available when you receive this so if you are interested jump in fast And if you are too late remember we have three more Level One weekends this year Dahlonega outside of Atlanta May 15-17 Hope Springs in SW Ohio Oct 23-25 and then our yet to be an-nounced weekend in Canada For those of you who are alumni you have already received our first sur-vey to help us plan the Advanced Weekend (open to any man who has attended a Level One WOR) slated for the beautiful Alta Lodge in Alta Utah outside of Salt Lake City September 11-13
Weekend of Recovery 27 at Mysthaven November 2008
Vol 2 No 2
Page 8
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Sexual assault will always be an individual experience however I think we have all witnessed via the media that when a man comes forward with his experience of sexual abuse it often uncovers a mother lode of hidden institutional
or multiple abuses Boy Scouts churches training schools private schools sports teams all flooding our TV screens and our minds with the troubling stories of scores of men abused over decades I hesi-tate to speculate that the next big exposure of institutionalized abuse will be the reporting of psychiat-ric hospitals That
exposeacute must wait for those institu-tionally traumatized men and women to find their courage and their voices
It has been my experience that pockets of expertise develop in different areas of our country and those victims of abuse fortunate enough to be able to access those resources benefit greatly Beyond those resourced areas men are left living ldquolives of quiet desperationrdquo
In 2004-2005 the Menrsquos Project in Ottawa received some time-limited funding to compile a list of thera-peutic resources and programs for male survivors A great beginning but unfortunately resources ran out and the website had to be shut down
At our clinic in Toronto Ontario Canada we run three treatment groups a week for adult men who were sexually traumatized as chil-dren This year mdash 2009 mdash the program is celebrating its fifteenth year
The difficulty in pre-senting a picture of the state of treatment for men who have suffered from sexual abuse is that there is no coordination of resources at any level in Toronto in Ontario in Canada No one really has the big picture There was a conference held in Toronto last year that illustrated that there are a number of won-derful people and programs across the province that are doing what they can for traumatized men
The spark that got our group pro-gram running was a desperate call in 1992 to SASAT (Scarborough Agencies Sexual Abuse Treatment program) from a man who could find no professional government funded resource to help him deal with his childhood trauma In To-ronto we have the ldquoBlue Bookrdquo a listing of social service resources that is the size of a medium sized cityrsquos phone book In all those many pages there was half a page listing resources for men who were either alcoholics or abusing their wives
Reflections from Canada
By Jim Hall
Wolfwood Canada
wolfwoodcanadarogerscom
I was asked by MaleSurvivor to give some reflections on my experience as a therapist dealing
with male sexual traumatisation in Canada
I began my professional journey in 1985 working in a childrenrsquos De-tention Centre I worked with street kids through Covenant House in
treatment classrooms and for the past fifteen years in a hospital-based clinic Over the past three years I have become increasingly involved with
the Inuit of Canadarsquos Arctic dealing with issues of trauma including cultural trauma
In 2005 I wrote Creating Courage Search amp Rescue a manual for people in the caring professions who deal with trauma and anxiety In March of 2005 I began present-ing ldquoInside the Male Mind Identify-ing Resistance and Opportunity in the Treatment of Boys and Teen Guys Who Have Experienced Sexual Abuserdquo throughout the province of Ontario
Jim Hall
ldquoThe mass of men lead
lives of quiet
desperation
What is called
resignation is confirmed
desperationrdquo
mdashHenry David Thoreau
1854
February 2009
Page 9
One of our shining resources in Canada is the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness Headed by Ellen Campbell the CCAA has always been a strong advocate and sup-porter of men who have suffered sexual trauma It coordinated Mar-tinrsquos Hope which was a public forum supported by the Toronto Maple Leaf organization under the direction of General Manager and hockey great Ken Dryden Sadly Martin Kruze who blew the whistle on the Maple Leaf Gardens abuse scandal committed suicide but because of his courage many men found the strength to seek help
Like the United States Canada is a country of many cultures To understand where Canada is at in its response to the sex-ual abuse of males we have to be aware of different culturesrsquo take on the idea of ldquowhether or not males can be sexually abusedrdquo Strange question to all that will be reading this newsletter but I have talked to men of various cultures whose isolation is magnified by the cultural belief that ldquoit doesnrsquot happen to black men (unless theyrsquore gay)rdquo or ldquoit doesnrsquot happen in Indian culturerdquo What do you do when an experi-ence that doesnrsquot happen in your culture happens to you
On my office wall hangs a picture of a wolf hiding behind a tree It was drawn by a man who fought
the good fight and lost The feeling of being ldquoutterly alonerdquo over-whelmed him and his life was lost to suicide The stakes can be no higher There are few fights that are harder What keeps me going as a therapist as a man are the brave men who stay the course who push out the darkness finding strength in the company of other men who also fight to reclaim their livesrsquo potential
As a Canadian trauma therapist I am encouraged that our collective culture continues to move forward This past year our Prime Minister
apologized in the parliament of our country to our native peoples who were victimized by the residential school atrocities which mdash for many mdash included sex-ual abuse I have had the honour to work in our high Arctic with the Inuit There I have found a wonderful culture which wants to heal It didnrsquot begin so smoothly though for me Dur-ing my first visit there
while trying to start a menrsquos group the interpreter said to me ldquoItrsquos really offensive that you should come up here and talk to us about our traumardquo In the subsequent years of working together he and I have become friends
In the north and in the south I find the same troubling story Young men lost disconnected caught up in the world of drugs alcohol and
crime desperately searching for a sense of meaning and belonging Although not all have been sexually abused many have Our young men and men in general lack men-tors
In Canada we lack a coordinating organization mdash a rdquoCentre of Excel-lencerdquo mdash that would address the issues specific to traumatized men and could provide research leader-ship and treatment We didnrsquot start using seatbelts in Canada until the government said we had to I be-lieve the shame and embarrass-ment most traumatized men feel keeps many from seeking the help they need A Menrsquos Trauma Centre could say ldquoMen can be sexually abused Men can be traumatized If that has happened to you you can come here We can help You need to come here Things can and will get betterrdquo
As a country are we there yet We are not even close mdash no culture no country is But there are more and more men who are there who have fought the good fight and won They have opened their mouths spoken their truth challenged the status quo and blazed a trail for other traumatized men and boys to find and follow
I believe the tide in Canada is changing Doors of secrecy that have been forced open will not close again Our compassion for traumatized men continues to grow The future has some bright-ness around its edges that wasnrsquot there ten years ago
ldquoTo understand where
Canada is at in its
response to the sexual
abuse of males we have
to be aware of different
culturesrsquo take on the
idea of lsquowhether or not
males can be sexually
abusedrsquordquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 10
this was the case It was discovered that those in control of determin-ing what funding went to what had decided it was not cost effective to have a womenrsquos detox since so few women were over-drinking The committee decided to document the need since many felt that a womenrsquos detox was necessary
In the end the committee was able to document the need and a womenrsquos detox was funded in Windsor Ontario What had hap-pened Many women struggling with a substance abuse problem were hidden and misdiagnosed A similar situation exists with male survivors of childhood abuse This problem is hidden and often misdi-agnosed
The Greater Toronto Area where I cur-rently live is a city of over 55 million peo-ple If we believe the current stats and if we assume that roughly half the population are male and if perhaps one in six boys will have been abused by the age of 16 (and ac-cording to some
experts one in five boys is sexually abused) then there are possibly over 500000 men out there who have experienced childhood abuse in my little corner of the world To be fair we know that some chil-dren report and are heard and helped We also know that some seem to have been able to work it
A Dearth of Services in Canada
By Lynne MacDonnell
Private Practice in Toronto Area +1 (416) 996-4050
A report issued by the United Nations states that millions of children are exposed to
sexual violence each year It cuts across cultures income levels edu-cation levels No country is immune from it The four-year study that encompassed 130 countries was completed by Paulo Pinheiro an independent expert appointed by UN Secretary General Kofi Annan As many as 150 million girls and 73 million boys worldwide are subject to sexual violence each year usually by someone in their family circle said the report A 2002 Canadian study showed chil-dren made up 23 of the popula-tion but accounted for 61 of
sexual assault victimssup1
In spite of this recovery services for male survivors of childhood abuse seem to be limited An internet search for services in the Toronto area yields services for gay bi or transgendered men and a group for men against violence of women While these services are necessary and valuable what about the guys who need to deal with the sexual abuse they experienced as children rather than their sexual preference Apparently there is no lack of need since the above quoted report suggests that boys are just as likely
to be sexually abused as little girlssup2 One might argue that little boys are
even more likely to be abused since access to male children is more readily achieved Common sense suggests that one is more likely to leave their male children with coaches male babysitters male teachers ldquoUncle Ernierdquo and so forth than they would ever leave their young daughters This is in spite of the fact that the majority of the perpetrators ldquoreported as
malerdquosup3 It has often been suggested that incidents of sexual abuse of boys is under-reported
If the abuse of boys is under-reported the need for services may not be apparent As an example of this Irsquod like to tell you a short story In 1977-78 in Windsor On-tario my home town there was a detox centre But it was a male-only facil-ity In those days if a man was picked up for being drunk in a public place he was taken to the detox unless it was deter-mined that he was dangerously close to overdosing or had incurred some sort of an injury in which case he was taken to hospital In that same city a blue collar hard working town women who over-drank and were picked up drunk were taken to hospital if it was deemed that they were in physical trouble But if that was not the case women were taken to Jail At that time a com-mittee was struck to find out why
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoThose of us offering
services are not
connected and donrsquot
seem to know one
another except perhaps
for the few agencies
that do work with menrdquo
February 2009
Page 11
out But we also know that many try but cannot ldquoget over itrdquo much as they would like to Sadly we also know that some end up using addiction and or violence and end up in jail or treatment and never report the abuse (I wonder how many men who are in jail for vio-lent acts have been abused as boys mdash but that is another arti-cle) Some end up dead Where are all these men Are they suffering in silence
Free or close to free workshops for male survi-vors have been offered but few men come out Perhaps the adverts for such offerings are not read by these men or their partners Yet invariably when a man does finally access services he reports the difficulty he has had finding such services Is that too a lack of good PR It seems that the lack of information and the lack of coordinating ser-vices as well as the lack of the ability to document the need have all contributed to the situation we face Those of us offering services are not connected and donrsquot seem to know one another except per-haps for the few agencies that do work with men
In September of 2008 the Archdio-cese of Toronto gave the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness a small grant to help me partner with
others to offer groups for men This has been difficult to accom-plish Despite all the emails sent out only one person responded and unfortunately she is out of the area How does it happen How do those of us working in this field connect collaborate and use each other as referrals and consultants
It is a difficult situation
Originally when asked to write this article about the ser-vices in my area I waxed eloquent about how we are all protecting our little clinical kingdom reluc-tant to share information or lose clients But
upon reflection I wonder if that is true Could it be truer that others like me are busy doing what we do best mdash working with our clients mdash thus leaving less time for what we do not do best investigate and find others working with the same clientele Am I guilty of just that I wonder
The next obvious question is how How do we get out the word that ldquoyou are not the only onerdquo to a man who was abused in childhood As we are aware men often donrsquot get help until they end up in some sort of trouble with relationships addictions or recovering from depression or suicidal attempts Or Jail Sadly they donrsquot get help there except possibly for anger management
Perhaps we can speculate that as more information regarding male childhood abuse becomes avail-able more men will come forward but if they come forward we have to have a network of people to be there It is so difficult for a man to attempt to get help mdash even more difficult if he finds places he has reached out to turn him away because they donrsquot how to help him or where to send him
Irsquove attempted in my limited way to get the message out that men need to know that they are not alone that six out of 10 boys have been or will be abused by age 18 that healing is possible and healing is a private issue Men need not suffer in silence and can stop past abuse from damaging their lives just as MaleSurvivor has helped The trouble seems to be that those who read this are not those who need to read it Too many ques-tions and not enough answers
My only plan at this point is to send the link for this edition of the newsletter highlighting Canada to everyone I can find in the hopes that somehow we service providers can have a conference workshop meeting or whatever to find each other and start working on getting the message out that we are here and we know something about how to help
Endnotes
sup1 UN report reveals ldquoshockingrdquo levels of violence against children
sup2 See httpwwwjimhoppercommale-ab
sup3 This is a discussion for another occasion
ldquoThe Cycle Stoppedrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 12
My Journey to MaleSurvivor
By Rob Hawkings MA
I was asked a few weeks ago if I would write an article for the MaleSurvivor newsletter telling
the story of how I came to be in-volved in working with male survi-vors most recently as the newest member of the Weekends of Recov-ery leadership team My initial reaction was an enthusiastic ldquoNo problem great ideardquo And I do think it is a great idea I remember back to about 1989 when I attended mdash as a par-ticipant mdash my first therapeutic weekend for men who had ex-perienced childhood sexual abuse how difficult it was to trust anyone enough mdash par-ticularly male author-ity figures mdash to talk openly about my experience and feelings and how much easier it was after the leaders had modeled appropriate trust and self-disclosure I see this autobio-graphical article as an opportunity to begin to earn your trust
A few days later it hit me that what I had undertaken was not a one-to-one direct personal exchange or confined to a self-help setting or therapy group or retreat it was go-ing to be published on the Inter-net mdash for anyone to read mdash forever After 21 years of personal recovery
including almost 20 years as a counselor and psychotherapist I am quite comfortable disclosing my status as a survivor and whatever pieces of my story will be helpful in therapeutic settings mdash but this is different This is not contained Ah well as I have been told many times along my journey There are no accidents look for signs of syn-
chronicity and take advantage of opportunities for growth So here goes
Counseling and psychotherapy is a second career for me to which I aspired as a teenager a natural choice given that one of my child-hood roles as the eldest son in an alcoholic home was to be confi-dant and counselor to my suffering mother Looking back it is a very good thing I got diverted from that career path while at university Blind to my personal issues and
without the support and life experi-ence to handle my deeply buried emotions I would have made a terrible mdash and perhaps dangerous mdash therapist I am grateful that I did not revisit this career path until age 39 after I had begun a personal healing journey Up to that point I had managed to achieve an appar-ently successful life (at that time I
was in the corporate business world) but addictive behavior and underlying abuse-related issues had progressed to the point where I was unable to hold my house of cards together I realize now that the ensu-ing marital and pro-fessional melt-down was both unavoid-able and necessary in order for the healing to begin
The high quality of the self-help and
professional therapy I was blessed to experience in the early stages of my own recovery reawakened (on a much healthier footing this time) my passion to be doing that kind of work as a professional Organiz-ing self-help retreats led to training to be an addictions counselor serv-ing a year ldquoin the trenchesrdquo of front-line addictions treatment (invaluable experience) and then working half-time for two years as a therapist in hospital-based psy-chiatric day-treatment programs
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Journey Uncredited Photo
February 2009
Page 13
during which time I began a private practice The part-time private practice filled quickly (and became full-time after two years) with re-covering alcoholics and addicts adult children of alcoholics and increasingly adult survivors of sex-ual abuse
It was while I was working that first year in a menrsquos residential addic-tion treatment facility that men be-gan to disclose to me that they had been sexually abused as boys These emotionally charged disclo-sures were always one-on-one and curiously were occurring way more often with me than with other counselors on staff I say ldquocuriouslyrdquo because I was curious as to why this was happening It was only that same year in context of self-help support and professional help that I ldquoconnected the dotsrdquo between my own sex-ual abuse as a boy and the problems that had developed in my life I did not yet fully understand as I do now that with the highly sensitive ldquoradarrdquo that survivors seem to have these men were recognizing in me an empathetic kindred spirit who would somehow relate to their is-sues To learn to help these men (and to help myself) along a heal-ing path I began to seek out any and all training I could find on the subject
In those early years I learned mostly from women in the feminist movement who had been aware of the impact of sexual abuse for dec-ades and were far ahead of men in helping each other heal Much of what they knew and so generously shared was also useful in working with men There are however ma-jor differences and I was fortunate in connecting with some of the pioneers (Mike Lew among others) who were researching and articulat-ing those differences and how to address them in recovery Over succeeding years I continued to gain experience doing one-on-one
therapy with male survivors and in lead-ing and supervising group-based pro-grams for a succes-sion of Ontario agen-cies Along the way I have been honored to serve as clinical consultant for two treatment handbooks on working with men who have experi-enced childhood sex-ual abuse
A significant experi-ence professionally for me was leaving
my private practice for five years (2000-2005) to work full-time as a Program Development Specialist at Bellwood Health Services a 60-bed in-patient addictions treatment fa-cility in Toronto It was stimulating and rewarding to play lead roles in designing and implementing Can-adarsquos first residential treatment program for sexual addiction and Canadarsquos first truly concurrent
treatment program for soldiers and veterans with substance depend-ency and post-traumatic stress (I like the term ldquoOperational Stress Injuryrdquo adopted by the Canadian military which encompasses the whole spectrum of clinical and sub-clinical combat-related stress disor-ders not just psychiatrically diag-nosable PTSD)
At this point in my life and career (as of 2005) I and my second wife (I have been happily remarried now for close to ten years) have chosen to ldquosemi-retirerdquo to the small town of Deep River Ontario about a six-hour drive north of Toronto where I maintain a part-time private prac-tice providing counseling therapy training and consulting in two of the specialties I am known for re-covery for male survivors of child-hood sexual abuse and sexual ad-diction recovery I also ldquokeep my hand inrdquo in the field of combat-related post-traumatic stress treat-ment by working two days a week as an addictions counselor at a large nearby Canadian Forces Base (in Petawawa) which is sending units regularly to Afghanistan and where we are seeing growing num-bers of soldiers self-medicating their post-traumatic stress symp-toms with addictive behavior and substances
Deep River affords us a wonderfully quiet and gently paced lifestyle in a part of the country with beautiful natural surroundings and consis-tently and gloriously clean air but it poses some challenges This town is where I grew up and where the abuse happened There are ldquoghosts
(Continued on page 15)
ldquoIn those early years I
learned mostly from
women in the feminist
movement who had
been aware of the
impact of sexual abuse
for decades and were far
ahead of men in helping
each other healrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 14
My Weekend of Recovery
By Robert L
M y Weekend of Recovery was a phenomenal ex-perience Phenomenal
The more time that passes the more I realize how much of a posi-tive impact the WOR has had on me Since the WOR things have opened up and my recovery is accelerating
Given the positive experi-ence it is hard to believe that I was somewhat hesitant to attend While I was very excited when I first signed up months in advance some personal issues arose by the time the WOR came around and I seriously considered backing out Thankfully I did not
By way of background I have known about my abuse all my life No flashbacks for me it was always front and center I tried to deal with it as best as I could alone I first spoke about the abuse at age 19 telling my first real love interest about it Disclosing my past only to love interests became a pattern for me until I could no longer handle the pain and started individual therapy at age 31 (six years ago)
The individual therapy has been very helpful I have learned a lot
about myself particularly by ex-ploring areas that I did not even think were part of the equation The therapy also helped a lot of the pain go away
My biggest single problem remains relationships or the lack thereof In actuality I have never had a ldquorealrdquo relationship Instead I keep repeat-ing the same patterns of falling for girls who cannot be emotionally available to me who are often
survivors themselves and are often already in a relationship with an-other man Clearly I needed to add something to my individual ther-apy
Over the past six years I have considered group therapy but
could not find a suitable group A few months before the WOR my therapist gave me a copy of Mike Lewrsquos book Victims No Longer As I read the book I realized that I was a ldquotextbook caserdquo and thought that surely there must be a ldquotextbook solutionrdquo (that I obviously could not find over six years of individual therapy) Naiumlve or not I decided to search for a group once again My online search led me to
the MaleSurvivor website Imagine my pleasant surprise when I discov-ered that a WOR was coming to my city I signed up immediately
I was literally the first survivor to arrive at Mysthaven and was so anxious to ldquoget the show on the roadrdquo While wait-ing for the others to arrive I spent my time looking around trying to make myself feel at home It did not take long for that to happen As I entered the main room I was faced with dozens of t-shirts made by past WOR attendees and it moved me to tears I was surely in a place where I belonged
Eventually the others arrived and we began the opening ceremony It was so well thought out Actually everything was well thought out right from the opening to the closing ceremonies I noticed a lot
In the First Person
ldquoI Know I Am Not Shamefulrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 15
of nice little touches and appreci-ated all of them
After the opening ceremony we did a ldquosafetyrdquo exercise in which everyone had a chance to express his needs for a safe environment (for instance I cannot have people touch my neck) We all committed to abide by the safety rules This turned out to be one of the best parts of the WOR because at no time whatsoever did I feel judged or unsafe in any way I cannot recall ever being in such an atmosphere before
We went through a lot of activities and exercises over the weekend Some of these included small groups breathing exercises (grounding) telling our story ldquosculptingrdquo shame busting commu-nity building art and mindfulness walks
I liked the small groups the best I felt there was an excellent fit among the facilitators my fellow survivors and me I had ample opportunity to say what I wanted to say and welcomed all the feed-back After years of individual ther-apy it was great to finally connect with other male survivors in a group setting I learned from my fellow survivors and it also put my recovery into perspective
The shame busting exercise was also incredible It is one thing to talk about creating intimacy it is another to learn how to do it ac-
from the pastrdquo on every street cor-ner mdash and I am finding them a greater challenge than I antici-pated It has been much easier (surprisingly) and a hugely empow-ering victory for me to transform the house we now inhabit mdash where some of the abuse occurred in my childhood mdash into the safest and most comfortable home I have ever known Deep River is relatively iso-lated from the colleagues I have come to know and trust over many years and I take every opportunity to join them whenever and wher-ever I can for trainings and work-shops I am also learning to rely more on the telephone and the Internet to maintain my personal and professional circles of support My journey of growth and healing continues It is not without hurdles and challenges but at this stage it is filled with blessings not the least of which are my two children (now adults) and the relationships I now enjoy with them Life now is better than I could ever have imagined and I welcome the challenges
Which brings me to the present blessing and challenge namely joining the leadership team of the MaleSurvivor Weekends of Recov-ery I have many strong family and professional connections in the United States and I welcome this opportunity to work with a geo-graphically and culturally broader range of men and women who share my values principles and passion for recovery I look forward to meeting and working with some of you
My Journey (Continued from page 13)
tively After the movement exercise one of the facilitators told me that I ldquolooked beautiful out thererdquo I did not believe or understand that comment at the time but I think I do now and it still makes me cry to think of it The comment made me feel that someone saw the ldquorealrdquo me regardless of what I look
like on the outside It also made me realize that I had forgotten how to ldquoplayrdquo I really did feel like a playful child during the exer-cise and I cannot think of the last time that I experienced such a feeling
Since the WOR I have stepped up my recov-ery process I attend weekly groups and keep in regular con-
tact with a few fellow WOR partici-pants I have also bought many self-help books started journaling and increased my time on the MaleSur-vivor forums
I see a dramatic difference in my-self since the WOR I feel more positive and more at peace I can also talk more freely about the abuse and no longer feel shame The bottom line is that I have moved from being a victim to being a SURVIVOR
Words cannot express my gratitude to the WOR team and my fellow survivors I really appreciate the individual chats and felt that every-one was genuinely interested in my recovery Thank you I love you all
ldquoThe shame busting
exercise was also
incredible It is one
thing to talk about
creating intimacy it is
another to learn how to
do it activelyrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 16
high schools were resistant to al-lowing staff members to enter their school and provide educational programs Having a male on staff proved to be beneficial and the program grew rapidly Fortunately mdash and unfortunately mdash the media be-gan writing articles about me and the educational programs Once the Ministry folks became aware a man was on the payroll of the cen-tre my position was terminated I was told that funding was specifi-cally designed for women to pro-
vide services for women To the credit of the crisis centre they had me volun-teer for six months until they could se-cure funding from the local United Way They seemed less concerned about a man wanting to pro-vide services to peo-ple in need
History was being made We became the first sexual assault crisis centre in Canada to open a separate satellite office for a
menrsquos program This was not something celebrated by all crisis centres I was asked to advocate for men but to keep quiet at the same time The program became very successful and more and more male survivors were asking for ser-vices Unfortunately in 2002 the local United Way decided to reduce their support after having a trou-
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
The Circle of Compassion
By Tom Wilken
T hanks to Dale English of the MaleSurvivor newsletter for asking me to write an article
about my experiences working with male sexual abuse survivors in Can-ada As an advocate it seems like the journey of working with survi-vors has many societal obstacles but we are moving forward slowly but surely I often wonder why it is so challenging for Canadians to include male survivors into the circle of compas-sion
In 1991 I accepted a role with the local sexual assault crisis centre and attended one of their training programs On the first day the female facili-tator looked at me and said ldquoyou must be a brave manrdquo I had no idea what she was talking about at the time but I sure do now For the next eleven years I was employed in an adversarial political roller coaster ride that made advocating for men a daunting task Nevertheless I am very thankful for that opportunity I started as a part-time support worker counseling men My posi-tion evolved and included the role of an Education Co-Coordinator The crisis centre found the local
bling fund raising year Since the gender of the clientele was male the crisis centre was unable to top up funding and the male program was removed from the services of-fered by this crisis centre This may sound discriminatory and perhaps even a human rights issue because it is In Canada we pride ourselves in celebrating diversity but unfor-tunately that does not always in-clude the needs of male survivors
Something exciting happened in 2002 Health Canada asked me to update their ldquoAdult Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse - Overview Pa-perrdquo which was distributed throughout the country by the Na-tional Clearinghouse on Family Vio-lence Until that point in time the Overview Paper was predominately written about the concerns of fe-male survivors without any equality for the concerns of male survivors There was some resistance voiced by a crisis centre about a man writ-ing about both genders but Health Canada took a chance and re-quested I complete the Overview Paper that spoke to the similarities and differences regarding the re-covery process of both genders This paper was considered success-ful and a second printing was needed to meet the requests by Canadians This was so rewarding for me and it helped me to realize that there is hope for male survi-vors
Facilitating groups for male survi-vors was an exciting part of my role at the crisis centre Being with men who are being ldquorealrdquo and sup-
ldquoThe Canadian
government has known
for years that 37 of
sexual abuse survivors
under the age of 21 are
male however they do
not open their hearts for
male survivors and
welcome them into the
circle of compassionrdquo
February 2009
Page 17
ple as well The main difference was they responded to their woundedness in a different fashion It is estimated that on any given day there are over 100000 people on probation in the province of Ontario It is also estimated that up to 80 of these folks may have been sexually abused This equates
to 80000 sexual abuse survivors who are on probation most of whom are male We also know that 59 of people in prison are sexual abuse survivors Sadly probation officers are not trained in sexual abuse recovery issues It is interest-ing to note that I work with more male survivors as a Probation Offi-cer than when I worked at the crisis centre When people are not given healthy outlets for expressing their anger it can manifest in less desir-able ways
I started the ldquoWe Want to Knowrdquo project in 2003 which was partially sponsored by the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness and the now
porting one another throughout the healing process is truly a magi-cal experience The men receiving services were both grateful and angry They were grateful to be receiving services but angry these services were not available when they were younger They wondered why so many other male survivors
are not given the same opportunity to heal Seven men from group consented to having their healing journey documented during thirty weeks of group counseling Thus the book Rebuilding Your House of Self Respect Men Recovering from Childhood Sexual Abuse first edi-tion was in the works
In 2002 I accepted a position as a Probation Officer with the Ministry of Community Safety and Correc-tional Services After working with victims for over a decade I won-dered if the adjustment to working with offenders was possible It did-nrsquot take long to realize that people who offended were wounded peo-
closed Windsor Family Forum We were able to fulfill the dream of the seven courageous men from group by distributing copies of the RYHSR book to agencies throughout Can-ada
Millions of dollars are spent in Can-ada for sexual assault crisis centres and other programs for female sur-
vivors These valuable programs for women are underfunded but un-fortunately there are rarely any services specifically for men The Canadian government has known for years that 37 of sexual abuse survivors under the age of 21 are male however they do not open their hearts for male survivors and welcome them into the circle of compassion
In 2007 the Diocese of London Ontario provided funding for my business Hope amp Healing Associ-ates and the Silence to Hope (STH) project was born The Diocese in-creased their funding from $30000
(Continued on page 18)
A Circle of Compassion (uncredited photo)
Vol 2 No 2
Page 18
material to the Ministry of Commu-nity Safety and Correctional Ser-vices the Ministry of Children and Youth Services Victim Services the Ontario Provincial Police and other various other agencies Over 1500 free copies of the second edition of my book Rebuilding Your House of Self Respect Men Recovering in Group from Childhood Sexual Abuse are being distributed to sur-vivors and agencies working with male survivors Lynne MacDonell has received funding from the Arch-diocese of Toronto and is assisting male survivors in central Ontario Her Help amp Hope Project is similar
to the STH project
The STH project was fortunate to partner with Howard Fradkin of MaleSurvivor and his Weekend of Re-covery facilitation team who came to Canada in November 2008 This was quite a treat for Canadian male survivors The expertise of the Frad-kin team provided a
high-caliber experience not nor-mally available to Canadians The feedback from participants indi-cated these men felt truly blessed to be part of this experience In 2009 I hope to write a workbook for male survivors that will accom-pany the second edition of the RYHSR book Ellen Campbell and the CCAA plan to partner with the STH project and provide free cop-ies of this workbook as part of a joint education and awareness pro-gram I am presently updating a Directory of Services for Health
in 2007 to $60000 in 2008 to $75000 in 2009 Thanks to the generosity of the Diocese we are able to provide support groups information and referral services education and awareness pro-grams The Diocese not only wanted us to help males who were victimized by priests but any male survivors
In the early stages we recognized that our communities were not pro-viding a safe and supportive envi-ronment for men to step out of isolation Various agencies were con-tacting me and shared their frustra-tions about not hav-ing places to refer men who were sexu-ally abused as chil-dren It became pain-fully evident how un-educated Canadian service providers are on the needs of men and sexual abuse One of the main focuses of the STH project is our education and aware-ness program and group facilita-tion
As sad as the present situation is for male survivors we are making progress The STH project has part-nered with agencies throughout our area and two agencies from our bigger cities are providing group facilitation on a year round basis We are partnering with the Cana-dian Centre for Abuse Awareness (CCAA) and providing educational
Circle of Compassion (Continued from page 17)
Canada and the National Clearing-house on Family Violence called Combining Voices This directory lists all agencies throughout the Country that provide services to male and female survivors
ldquoCollective denialrdquo is strong throughout Canada but there is HOPE There seems to be an im-portant shift in thinking taking place Several years ago the topic of working with male survivors was not to be spoken about however people are now more receptive to exploring the needs of a much ne-glected portion of the population More men are requesting services and more group counseling oppor-tunities are presenting themselves It appears that more and more Ca-nadian agencies are starting to rec-ognize the importance of including male survivors into the circle of compassion Every time we have articles in the media more men seem to come out of isolation My biggest concerns include the lack of funding by the government If this topic is not talked about and if a safe and supportive environment for men is not created men will go back into silence and isolation This work seems to be driven from the ldquobottom uprdquo and not the ldquotop downrdquo We need good men and women to talk more openly about the needs of male survivors ldquoCollective denialrdquo thrives when good people keep silent Survivors are not living in total isolation they are fathers brothers husbands workers community members and they are valuable human beings
We are proud to join MaleSurvivor in making this world a better place
ldquorsquoCollective denialrsquo is
strong throughout
Canada but there is
HOPE There seems to
be an important shift in
thinking taking placerdquo
February 2009
Page 19
This Boyrsquos Life
By Jordan M
M y life began as any other a happy boy in a happy nuclear family It
was a time when my biggest worry was my brother threatening to tattle on me for sneaking a cookie up to bed I was young and the life I was living was exactly how it should have been carefree and devoid of the messy thoughts and situations which I would soon come to know all too well I was a boy and without trying to sound too clicheacuted I was innocent Pure
My parentsrsquo nasty divorce popped that bubble I loved my family more than anything and the di-vorce ripped us apart Mom and Dad were too busy fighting each other to notice anything that was happening with me or my siblings We were pushed aside used as bargaining tools I felt like a pawn Mom convincing us that Dad was a bad guy Dad convincing us that Mom was to blame Being the third child of five I was lost I withdrew and I stayed as far away from any sort of family situation as I could I didnrsquot know whom to trust
Time passed and things leveled and Mom married again but her taste in men had changed since Dad Her new husband seemed to hate children and he made sure that was known He was a violent man and my family and I paid the price I felt more lost than ever I was all alone in a hell that I was not prepared for Looking for some
kind of calm in this storm I started spending more time with Dad on his farm
Dad had met and moved in with another woman as well and unlike my new step-dad I liked her I thought that this could be my escape I could stay with Dad and be safe Go back to being a kid again Live that normal life I used to have
Not only did Dadrsquos new girlfriend move in so did her brother mdash my new step-uncle of sorts He was great The coolest guy Irsquod ever met We got along he played with me we watched mov-ies we went out we did everything He paid attention to me and I sud-denly felt less alone He was that person whom I could trust He was the man who would help me through all this crap at home He was the one that cared I didnrsquot just have a new step-uncle I had a new friend a new guardian someone who was there for me I latched on I bought his trick mdash hook line and sinker
The sexual abuse began and after the initial shock frankly I got used to it Although I hated it he as-sured me it was ok This is what should be happening between a 12 year old boy and 32 year old man who have a special relationship like
the one we did I believed him All I had to do was comply with his sexual desires and he would remain there for me I was willing to pay that price to keep this man in my life Somewhere in the back of my little mind I knew it was wrong but
I wouldnrsquot tell a soul It was our little secret our special relation-ship Nobody could know but us
It went on for years and for years I grew more and more dis-tant from people from myself and from the world I attempted a few times to get away but there was no where to go Either I live in an abusive hell with Mom or I cater to my step-unclersquos desires at my
Dadrsquos Which is the lesser evil
I went back and forth from house to house each time growing a little more resilient a little harder Time went on and I wasnrsquot that little boy anymore Age was on my side now and I wanted it to stop
Mom did get rid of the mistake she married after a while but soon found a new one and I promised myself that I would not stand for another day in this hell The first time this new guy laid a hand on me I gave Mom an ultimatum him or me She chose him I was gone
(Continued on page 20)
In the First Person
ldquoAlthough I hated [the
abuse] he assured me it
was ok This is what
should be happening
between a 12 year old
boy and 32 year old
man who have a special
relationship like the one
we did I believed himrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 20
been chasing me the whole time and it was catching up
The lure of the big city called me and I began spending nights and weekends in Toronto Attempting to end the emptiness I began searching for ways to fill it I got hooked on drugs became an ad-dict I became hard Mean Nothing could touch me Fear couldnrsquot stand in my way The worst had already happened I thought what I was feeling was freedom but free was the farthest thing from the truth I was trapped trapped in anger and guilt and shame
The deep desire to be taken care of continued to force its way to the surface and take on new extremes My cutting habit that I had devel-
I left home at 16 I figured that anything was better than staying where I was This was going to be a new start for me It was going to be different this time I promised myself that I would make it
I was wrong Again
Life on your own at 16 is not an easy one mdash new city no friends barely any money Schools wouldnrsquot accept me apartments wouldnrsquot let a kid occupy a unit I was alone I was really alone this time It took
time but I eventually managed a bit of a life for myself and was able to get through high school but it didnrsquot come easy My past had
This Boyrsquos Life (Continued from page 19)
oped as a young teen had ex-ploded and I began to brutally beat myself in hopes that somebody would notice maybe take me to hospital Take care of me It didnrsquot work It never worked There was only one thing that worked sex
Hustling made me feel powerful Men would pay to be with me Itrsquos all I felt I was good at seducing men And it was a power that I so badly thought I needed As bad as I was treated the glimpse of con-trol that I felt was enough to keep me going back But all I was doing was allowing myself to be abused
over and over again It just lead me further and further down
The years passed and I lost all feeling I forgot how to feel I knew
A Sliver of Light copy 2009 Timothy Andrew
February 2009
Page 21
only three emotions happiness sadness and anger And it was the anger that consumed me Anything could set me off I was a ticking time-bomb I began to wonder if any sort of normal life would ever happen for me
I was ready to give up to accept that this was what God had planned for me but somewhere inside that messed up 20 year old head of mine there was a sliver of light the same light that was there when I was a child the light that only had to worry about sneaking a cookie up to bed And I knew that that tiny glimpse of light was the real me If I could find a way to broaden its beam I would be able to peel back all the layers of abuse and discover who I really am
I searched I called crisis lines I went to free therapy sessions I attempted to try to understand why I was like I was but I kept hitting dead ends Nobody seemed to know how to help me me a male survivor
Nothing would last The little help I did receive all faded All I really got were programs and information and books and flyers Then I found Lynne MacDonells number I called her late one night She agreed to meet with me and quickly got me
into her mens group ldquoA Time for Menrdquo
The group literally saved my life For the first time I knew I wasnt alone There were other men who had been through what I had been through and they genuinely cared for me It has been over three years
now and it is still difficult Although I have put an end to the coping mecha-nisms mdash the drugs and the cutting mdash itrsquos the feelings that still manage to give me a struggle As survivors we have to sort out our insides Our guts Our feelings All that stuff was ripped out mixed up and thrown back in when we were abused We have to retrain our brains learn how to think how to feel how to trust how to love At times I feel like Irsquom an emotional infant as if my body kept
growing after my uncle abused me but my mind didnrsquot That was the main issue when I finally decided that I needed to be on the path of recovery So I focused and I began
I look forward to those two hours every Monday night because I know I can say and share anything I want and I will not be judged I am safe there I am safe to peel back those layers of abuse and discover the real me who I was really meant to be not this husk of
a human being that I had been living as for so many years
Since joining the group I have finished university got my degree I am free of drugs and self-harming I have a good job and a much healthier lifestyle and I have come out with my secret about sexual abuse
I am not ashamed of who I am anymore It is a long and tough uphill battle and it is still far from over but I know that I have plenty of people helping me fight this battle Our group is more that just a support group We are a family a brotherhood of survivors deter-mined to help each other and spread the word
It was hope That light the real memdashit was hope As survivors some-times all we have to go on is hope and that is why we need to remem-ber that there is ALWAYS hope There never needs to be a dead end That tiny sliver of light exists in all of us you just have to find it
ldquoAs survivors
sometimes all we have
to go on is hope and
that is why we need to
remember that there is
ALWAYS hope There
never needs to be a
dead end That tiny
sliver of light exists in
all of us you just have
to find itrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 22
My Story
by Bruce M
A s I start to write this article I find myself sitting in front of the house where I was
first sexually abused I donrsquot know why I am here but I am Perhaps it is my way of being in control which I certainly wasnrsquot for a very long time It was really not that long ago before I avoided this area of the city entirely mdash never mind sitting on the street in front of the home where I was sexually as-
saulted
I am now 42 years old and have a partner who supports me more than I could have ever asked for I am in love and
although I thought I loved others before now I really know what love is For many years I was so secretly dysfunctional that most people were under the impression that I had it all together but that was furthest from the truth I was a good actor
I grew up in a middle class suburb of Toronto I was the youngest of three kids I was diagnosed with ADD and was given Ritalin to ldquosettle me downrdquo I think that Ritalin was an easy out for my parents I needed more one on one interac-tion and understanding rather than a drug regimen which suited their
needs I clearly remember my pe-diatrician back then coaching my parents on what I needed mdash and many of his recommendations went ignored In their minds it seemed that all I needed was Ritalin
I had very few true friends Most people found my hyperactivity to be too much My mother was a practicing alcoholic (thankfully sober for about 28 years now) and my father was nothing short of physically abusive mdash mainly to my sister and me but also to my brother from what I understand My father had out-bursts of rage during which he would beat me with a dog leash and his fist Once he shoved my head down a toilet and told me that is where I belonged I donrsquot know if many people could appreciate how horrible it was to be told that As long as I live I will never for-get how I felt when he said that
When I was 12 years old I was enrolled in basketball That year I excelled and my team ended up winning the champion-ship This was a great confidence boost that I really needed I had finally found something that I was good at The second year was not so great My assistant basketball
coach was a sexual predator who saw a shy and troubled boy in me and decided that he would look after his own needs This guy was a medical doctor so he knew what he was doing and started what I now understand was a very intense grooming process He talked to me about my hyperactivity my motherrsquos alcoholism and my fatherrsquos abuse As I remember back he brought these things up often while he was getting to know me
After a period of time he invited me to his home one day on the pretence of my coming over to rake leaves Once there he invited me to his basement where he
Moving On
Bruce M
Bruce M during the time of his abuse
February 2009
Page 23
matum He said that if I would not come to his house we could no longer be friends I donrsquot know how I did it but I decided that I did not want to go to his house and that was the end of that I now know that he went on to find an-other victim
For nearly the next two decades I struggled with life To add insult to injury I knew that I was a gay male and after the abuse I figured that this was what a gay relation-ship was like and I didnrsquot want it I lacked direction with almost everything I did For a while I was practically homeless because I was staying with one friend after another putting myself in situations where I could be abused again and again I was con-stantly haunted with
guilt because I was sure that the man who abused me was abusing other boys
Finally one day I came forward and told the police about my abuse They charged this man and I quickly learned that this perpetra-tor was one of the nastiest that I have come across to this day He had deep pockets and fought ruthlessly I was followed by private investigators my friends were approached by private investigators
made it clear that his gentle kind supportive ways would have a cost to me I remember hating the experience This disgusting smelling man was more than repulsive Would you believe that I went back Well I did Most other vic-tims of sexual abuse will under-
stand why better than those who have not been there I wanted to be cared for and listened to so badly that for a while I just put up with the abuse This guy came to my school at lunch and let me drive his car around the back streets I was too young and imma-ture to realize that this was not a kind gesture but more grooming that would give him access to what he wanted Eventually he got an-noyed that I would avoid going to his house so he gave me an ulti-
for interviews and he hired some of Canadarsquos best attorneys to get him out of his charges When I went to court to testify at a prelimi-nary trial he had people there to threaten me in the halls of the court and the bathrooms The criminal case went on and on and eventually to the Supreme Court of Canada for a ruling about my con-sent All in all it has been a very intense process which went on so long that the case was thrown out because of delay He is still not out of hot water because the College of Physicians and Surgeons went after him and I had to testify at that hearing too which is still going on to this day
Last fall I completed my third Weekend of Recovery and al-though I have been in private ther-apy for close to four years and have been a part of a menrsquos group in Toronto nothing compares to the results that I achieved from attending the Weekends of Recov-ery The weekend program and the connections that I made with other guys and therapists have been instrumental in giving me a push forward allowing me to have some happiness and a meaningful rela-tionship which I was never able to have before
Life is not perfect but I can tell you that it is so much better than it was a few years ago and it is getting better all the time
Bruce M during the time of his abuse
Vol 2 No 2
Page 24
nor injury well that was his cue He took me into a medical room and closed the door He examined my knee and soon the subject changed That was the first time that I was sexually assaulted
Over the years this repulsive man be-came my coach in both hockey and baseball He was a central figure at the arena and the base-ball diamond He was the one involved in all the fundraisers and came to be known as ldquothe guy who would do any-thing for the kidsrdquo Most of the parents loved him mdash but not mine He drank with parents partied with them all while he ldquotook carerdquo of us kids
The first time I was abused at the arena I told someone older than I I did so again when I was 15 What was I to do Neither time did the adults take appropriate action and you guessed it everything was swept under the carpet So I did the only thing I knew how to do mdash I stuffed it
Growing up was a difficult time for me because of the abuse and the fact that I suffered with ADHD and anxiety (undiagnosed at the time) My sisters did well in school how-ever I didnrsquot I would work my tail off get a ldquoCrdquo and then would be told to work harder or asked if I
A Victim No More
by Glenn Allan
M y name is Glenn Allan and I grew up in Stoney Creek Ontario Canada
By all rights I should have been dead years ago I am a recovering alcoholic and cocaine addict and I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse I donrsquot want my story to become an ldquoabuse or addiction-aloguerdquo so I wonrsquot get into graphic details or talk about every abusive situation
Please keep an open mind as this is my story
I was wel-comed into a loving yet dysfunctional family in February of 1964 I have four sisters
nine nieces and nephews two great-nieces and one great-nephew My story begins around the age of seven I loved skating and playing hockey I was always told ldquoYoursquove gotta practice to get betterrdquo and so I did I would play as much ice and road hockey as I could and my sis-ters would take me public skating It was at public skating that my abuser first spotted me and as-saulted me I fell during one of those skating sessions and hurt my knee My abuser was a skating monitor that day and when I needed medical attention for a mi-
were dumb My frustrations grew mdash if only they knew that there was a hurting little boy inside But I was a boy who was too afraid to say that he hurt or to cry mdash because ldquobig boys donrsquot cryrdquo I would get teased at home about being stupid or
asked ldquoWhy donrsquot you try harderrdquo
I couldnrsquot defend my-self verbally with my parents because that would have been ldquotalking backrdquo There were times when I would be so angry at them for picking on me for little things and I would think to myself ldquoYou are yell-ing at me for this while he (the abuser) is doing that to merdquo
Talk about frustration and built up rage I was a walking volcano I would fight all the time whether it was at school playing hockey or baseball it really didnrsquot matter why mdash all I knew was I was MAD
Over the years I slowly lost my self-esteem and self-worth I wanted to be anybody but me I idolized ath-letes like Bobby Orr Bobby Clarke and Pete Rose because of their dedication and work ethic Being a class clown I loved comedians (Steve Martin Richard Pryor Robin Williams Johnny Carson) and the entertainer in me loved singers (Elvis) and wanted so badly to be them Then maybe people would like me because there was abso-lutely no way anyone could really
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Glenn Allan
ldquoMy frustrations grewmdash
if only they knew that
there was a hurting little
boy inside But I was a
boy who was too afraid
to say that he hurt or to
crymdashbecause lsquobig boys
donrsquot cryrsquordquo
February 2009
Page 25
like or love me with the things my abuser had made me do
Because of the trauma of being abused I wet the bed until I was about 12 years of age which drained any remaining self-worth or self-esteem that I had left I was so embarrassed And then I had to tolerate ridiculous comments from people saying things like ldquoYou know that you are going to have to stop thisrdquo and ldquoYou are getting too old for thisrdquo No kidding really Did they think that I liked waking up in my own urine Did they not think that I wanted to stop Did they have any idea how their words hurt me Man oh man it was like that all the time They just didnrsquot think before they spoke
Frustrated and over-whelmed in my teens I finally found the ldquofriendrdquo that I had been looking for mdash first name ldquoALrdquo last name ldquoCOHOLrdquo I would be-come a whole new person when I drank booze and how I drank I found a brand new confidence I was somewhat funny when I drank dur-ing the early years of drinking however over time I became de-pressed and extremely angry I would fight in bars on a regular basis Then in December of 1987 I was stabbed outside a bar and nearly died Now you would think that being stabbed and nearly dy-ing would prompt a lifestyle
change or at the very least cause me to take a personal inventory of my situation and myself But not me I wore it as a badge of honour allowing the insanity to continue
It is said that if the drugs and alco-hol donrsquot kill you the lifestyle will During this time and over the years I was introduced to many criminals Their crimes ranged from murder assaults extortion and drug dealing to running massage parlours and prostitution mdash to just name a few One of my acquaint-ances was even a hired killer He
actually assassinated two reputed crime bosses in Ontario and is now serving a lengthy sentence for those and other killings
But I was drawn to their so-called power and complete disregard for the law Looking back on it I guess I was looking to reclaim the power
that was stolen from me by my abuser
In my early twenties I got a job working with Young Offenders as a Correctional Officer With the money I was making I bought a very nice sports car dated pretty women was extremely materialistic and yet I was never satisfied I worked in corrections for about four years During that time I also began my career in the world of entertainment as a voice impres-sionist and stand-up comedian as well as a co-host of a comedy tele-
vision show I had a tremendous ego and unknowingly had be-come rdquoThe Great I Amrdquo
After a couple of years I moved from comedy to producing and host-ing my own sports television program which aired for ten years I had so much fun and I was able to meet and interview some of sportsrsquo big-gest names
In my mid-20s when the alcohol wasnrsquot medicating my pain any longer I turned to
something stronger mdash COCAINE During a span of approximately ten years the combination of alcohol cocaine and all my poor choices cost me most of my jobs many of my relationships and all my money It drove me to criminal activity po-lice charges a conviction and a criminal record But most of all I
(Continued on page 26)
Alone Uncredited Photo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 26
was lost Glenn was slowly dying inside me I became depressed and despondent and I hated so many people But most of all I hated my-self
I had attempted suicide on a few occasions and I really and truly had a death wish I hated myself so much that on Friday January 16 1998 loaded with a supply of co-caine and booze I booked myself into a hotel room with no intention of coming out alive Friday night and Saturday passed with me drinking and getting high on co-caine After having more cocaine delivered to me on Sunday after-noon there was no turning back mdash or so I thought Approximately at midnight on Sunday I made my final decision mdash it was time for me to leave this stinking world I ingested enough cocaine to kill me and then I barricaded my hotel door and ripped the phone out of the wall I lay down on the bed defeated broken sad guilt-ridden ashamed depressed and scared yet so ready to die
Only Divine Intervention mdash some sort of miracle mdash can explain what hap-pened next The police came into my hotel room at just the right time on Sunday night and took me to the hospital Who called them how did they know to come to my room I donrsquot know Well thatrsquos not completely true Today I am a man of faith and as a Christian I know exactly who orchestrated my rescue
A Victim No More (Continued from page 25)
After a brief stay in the hospital I chose to enter the Hamilton Menrsquos Withdrawal Management Centre where I spent eleven days From there I entered an intensive addic-tion treatment centre for a six-week stay followed by a five and one half month stay at a recovery house
I have been clean and sober since Janu-ary 19 1998
I work the program of recovery intensely I was blessed with some incredible therapists who were able to break through my trust issues my rough exterior and my wall of comedy to allow me to heal I also became involved in the 12-Steps and other support groups through which I have found tremendous friendships and men-toring
Recovery is about making changes Al-though my abuser assaulted me until I was 15 years old I blamed him for all of my problems until I was 33 years old I had to change from being a pro-fessional blamer and liar to a man of responsibility character and in-tegrity It wasnrsquot easy however after many tears and lots of hard work life has gotten much better
Over time and through applying these principles I found peace se-renity and forgiveness and I also
learned how to love myself again Everything that was set in motion to harm me as a young man is now what drives me With Godrsquos help today I am able to live humbly honestly open-minded and willing to do whatever it takes to stay clean and sober while doing what I can to help others who face similar
struggles
Today I serve the Ca-nadian Centre for Abuse Awareness as the Director of the Southwestern Ontario office My mission at hand is to create a task force that will be responsible for build-ing a residential pro-gram for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
I am also the Execu-tive Producer and Host of three popular television programs Good News Sports The Edge and Living Clean Living Clean is the only live weekly interactive television program in Canada
that is designed to assist individu-als who suffer with addiction abuse andor mental illnesses
I also host The Glenn Allan Show on a local radio station in Hamil-ton ON Canada
As a motivational speaker my pres-entation entitled Youth Yak Live has enabled me to speak to thou-sands of youth nationwide since 2000 Through Youth Yak Live I
ldquoRecovery is about
making changes
Although my abuser
assaulted me until I was
15 years old I blamed
him for all of my
problems until I was 33
years old I had to
change from being a
professional blamer and
liar to a man of
responsibility character
and integrity
February 2009
Page 27
Male Survivor Groups (MSG)
By Robert Beacuterubeacute Co-founder MSG
M ale Survivor Groups (MSG) was created by a group of male survivors
of childhood sexual abuse follow-ing the death of a fellow survi-vor in Lon-don Ontario Canada The initial objec-tives were to foster cama-raderie and support for one another and also to obtain proper help
for survivors in the London area
Presently our aim is to help all male survivors and also to make our cause known It is open to all male survivors of childhood ado-lescent and adult abuse We have expanded and have supported the creation of groups across Canada and we are prepared to support the creation of groups throughout the World
Groups have been established in London Vancouver Sudbury and North Bay in Canada
Our beliefs
1 Our groups are for male survi-vors of abuse What is said in the group remains there What is stated must remain confiden-
have developed tremendous work-ing relationships with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police Ontario Provincial Police Crime Stoppers local police agencies young of-fender facilities churches self-help groups and alcohol and drug treatment centres
I also facilitate a weekly peer sup-port group for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
There was a time when I thought I would never get married and that no one could love me for who I am Colleen and I met in 1999 We both have similar pasts We both have worked through our abuse issues and are both clean and so-ber In 2001 my best friend and I married and we now have three beautiful children Ashley Brandon and Christopher Spending the rest of my life with Colleen and our family is a dream come true
The opportunity of sharing Godrsquos gifts and blessings with others is truly an honour and a privilege It is imperative that I never take these things for granted
If I can assist you or someone dear to you please donrsquot hesitate to contact me at the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness Ph 905-594-1581 or email glennccfaacom or visit these websites
wwwabusehurtscom wwwlivingcleanca wwwglennallanca
or write to me co CCAA 38 King St East PO Box 66614 Stoney Creek ON L8G 5E5
(Continued from page 26)
tial Anonymity is of the utmost importance unless the survivor has gone public But intimate details of the public person must also remain confidential Confidentiality must be assured
2 We are in the group to heal and to support each other
3 We are male survivors who want to heal and help others in the process We can be as young as 16 or as old as old can be
4 Our primary purpose is our own safe being Secondary purposes are the betterment of services for male survivors and the advancement of our cause
5 We fight on so that we may grow in solidarity
6 We are not a religious group We do use different models of functioning in our different sub-groups Ours is a healing group for more than one prob-lematic issue
7 We encourage partnerships with organisations businesses and agencies that foster the creation of services for male survivors of abuse
We have created a Facebook Group which is also open to FRIENDS who support our cause Our group is establishing partnerships with other male survivor groups in Canada and worldwide You can contact us through the Facebook page or by emailing me at berube55yahooca
Support Groups
Robert Beacuterubeacute
Vol 2 No 2
Page 28
The CCAA By Ellen Campbell [ellenccfaacom]
Founder and Executive Director Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness
A s some of you know the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness (CCAA) is a
national non-government charitable organization dedicated to eliminat-ing child abuse through advocacy education public awareness and prevention programs With help from community and corporate partners the CCAA provides accessible support healing and indi-vidual empowerment for adult survivors their fami-lies and caregivers through over 20 programs Those that listen to classic rock station Q107 in the To-ronto region will recognize us as their charity of choice through Derringerrsquos Thir-teen Days of Christmas campaign
Based in Newmarket On-tario the CCAA is an active and vibrant organization that in addition to its variety of program offer-ings is also involved in public safety advocacy That advo-cacy started with the early release from prison of one of the perpetra-tors in the Maple Leaf Gardensrsquo child sex abuse scandal Many surviving victims were traumatized again this time by the system The
CCAA went public with its concerns that day and the public safety advocacy program was born
Later the CCAA wrote a sweeping report titled Martinrsquos Hope named in memory of Martin Kruze (the first victim to courageously go public with the story of his abuse at the Gardens and who later tragi-cally took his own life) that made 60 recommendations for legislative and policy change to the criminal justice system These recommenda-tions were gleaned from round-
table discussions with over 150 front-line criminal justice system professionals crime victims and survivors To this day members of the Kruze family sit on the CCAA Board of Directors
After the initial public release of the Martinrsquos Hope report in the fall of 2003 I knew that if repairs were to be made to the criminal justice system advocacy would have to be accelerated That advocacy began in earnest in early 2006 with the hiring of John Muise a volunteer with the CCAA and previously a Toronto police officer with signifi-cant experience in legislative and policy advocacy The hire coincided with new political winds blowing in Ottawa The CCAArsquos full-time public
safety program was born
Relationships already in existence were strength-ened new ones were made and the CCAA intensified its advocacy with politi-cians stakeholders and other decision makers In addition the CCAA courted media attention recogniz-ing the opportunity to get our message out
That advocacy included the preparation of written briefs in support of testi-mony before a number of decision making bodies including several appear-ances before the House of Commons Justice Commit-tee
ADVOCACY REWARDED The last three years have brought success on a number of fronts Progress on the criminal justice reform front is rarely if ever the result of one person or just one organization advocating for
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoMartinrsquos Hoperdquo in Memory of Martin Arnold Kruze From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 29
government Although there are specific circumstances under which the age of consent is 16 (or 18) the general age of consent remained at 14 For many in the child protection
world this has been a shame of what is otherwise a devel-oped and civilized land The fight is finally over with the passage and Royal Assent of this legisla-tion in July of 2008 This is a victory for the many people that fought the good fight and most importantly this law allows prose-cution of those adult predators who choose to sexually exploit 14
and 15 year old children
Review of federal corrections policy
In 2007 the federal government ordered an independent review of the federal corrections and parole system The CCAA attended the announcement of that review and subsequently appeared before the review team and provided detailed written recommendations for change The final report included a number of recommendations that the CCAA provided including those contained in Martinrsquos Hope A rollout of some report recommen-dations has already started includ-ing a pilot project for the use of electronic monitoring on serious and violent offenders who are on parole in communities
(Continued on page 30)
Dangerous offenders Having someone declared a dan-gerous offender is very difficult to do In fact there are fewer then 400 declared dangerous offenders in the country This amendment makes it easier to bring a dangerous offender application for a serious repeat con-victed offender before the court The end result should be we hope the detection and declaration of more dangerous offenders Dangerous offender designation is for life and results in indefinite lock-up of the offender with periodic judicial reviews
Community protection orders
Also known as ldquoSection 810rdquo orders they allow the state to monitor the activities of certain subjects mdash no longer under some form of sen-tence or other judicial release but still considered a danger mdash to be placed on a judicial order similar to a bail with control and monitoring conditions The legislation explicitly expands the controls that can be usedmdashfor example electronic moni-toringmdashand extends the length of the order from one year to two
Age of protection For longer than people care to remember advocates have fought to raise the general age of consent from 14 to 16 years of age Until recently those voices have been largely ignored by the federal
change but no one can deny the important roll played by the CCAA in advancing these reforms These are all original recommendations contained in the Martinrsquos Hope report The results as they say speak for themselves and include but are not limited to the follow-ing
Mandatory minimum sentences for Internet chi ld abuse offences
Over time courts have increasingly relied on so called ldquohouse arrestrdquo provisions (see section immediately below) when sentencing offenders found guilty of Internet child abuse and similar kinds of serious child exploitation offences The sen-tences were often way out of pro-portion to the gravity of the crimes Minimum sentences were legislated for a variety of crimes with the net effect of eliminating the ability of the court to impose ldquohouse arrestrdquo
Conditional sentences of imprisonment
Better known as ldquohouse arrestrdquo this measure brought in over a decade ago was being imposed by the courts for ever more serious of-fenders and offences Many violent and dangerous offenders were allowed to serve their term of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo at home Justice and public safety were compro-mised by this provision Although the Bill that finally passed was watered down significantly by opposition party demands the end result was a tightening of the cir-cumstances under which a sen-tence of this kind could be given
ldquoAfter the initial public
release of the Martinrsquos
Hope report in the fall
of 2003 I knew that if
repairs were to be made
to the criminal justice
system advocacy would
have to be acceleratedrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 30
munity committees and inquiries including the Federal Inquiry pre-sided over by Justice Major into the Air India bombing
Moving forward We are delighted to report that John Muise our Director of Public Safety has recently received a Governor-in-council appointment as a full-time member of the Na-tional Parole Board effective in May of 2009 Although this is a big loss
for the CCAA we are thrilled for John and we know that he will bring the same com-mitment to public safety in that position as he did with the CCAA We wish him the very best in this new and challenging role
Much progress has been made in the past three years with
more anticipated The federal gov-ernment has signaled its intention to finish the work it started and attempt a further repeal of condi-tional sentences of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo They have also said that they in-tend on amending certain aspects of parole legislation and moving on tightening up security (including drug interdiction) in federal prisons
As we kick off 2009 the CCAA has the following priorities
Enhanced training for law enforcement off icers involved in chi ld abuse
investigations The introduction of provincial ldquosafe havenrdquo legislation that would pro-
vide a distressed mother who has given birth (within 72 hours) to take her baby to a place of safety (for example fire station police station hospital emergency) no questions asked and drop the baby off The purpose is to avoid the unthinkable mdash dumpster aban-donment murder at birth This legislation exists in all 50 of the United States but has yet to to be introduced in this country
Parole reform In addition the CCAA will work with partners on two parole and corrections recommendations They include legislating breach of parole as an offence for which a police officer has a power of arrest Com-plimentary to this the replacement of statutory release (automatic release after serving two thirds of a sentence) with regular earned parole Both recommendations were included in the final report of the Corrections Review Team and had been provided with others by the CCAA
We at the CCAA believe that much has been done on the criminal justice reform and public awareness front We are grateful for the pro-gress thus far and proud of the part we have played in moving the public safety agenda along
There is still much work to be done and the CCAA will step up to carry on this most important work
Selection of judges In recognition of the importance of the justice selection process the federal government has recently expanded the scope of people selected to sit on the regional Judicial Advisory Committees tasked with vetting potential ap-pointments and providing recom-mendations to the federal Attorney General and Minister of Justice for final selection Although still dominated by judges and lawyers a wider variety of voices and minds is now part of the selection proc-ess This is welcome news I am one of those voices I sit on one of the regional committees itrsquos an appointment we can all be proud of
Gun crime and other victim focused matters
Although outside the specific man-date of the CCAA (and not included in the Martinrsquos Hope report) in recognition of the impact on com-munities and particularly at risk children and youth the CCAA also appeared before the House of Commons Committee in support of mandatory minimum sentences for serious gun crimes and for amend-ments that tighten up the bail system for those charged with serious gun-related offences
In addition several crime victim supportive briefs were prepared for a number of safe school and com-
The CCAA (Continued from page 29)
ldquoWe at the CCAA hellip are
grateful for the progress
thus far and proud of
the part we have played
in moving the public
safety agenda alongrdquo
February 2009
Page 31
higher than its current statistical significance would suggest I would suggest itrsquos about one in four of the men I deal with 25 compared to the 16 suggested in the cur-rent literature If you allow for the fact that many of the men I work with have come from dysfunctional families that have been dysfunc-tional for generations the higher rate of incidence will hardly be surprising
I really had no idea when I started this job that I would have a head-
on collision with CSA No idea at all I was in my pre-survivor life My own past experi-ences were like a dormant volcano Sure some smoke would puff out every now and then for no readily apparent rea-son but no major eruption But as I heard more and more stories told by men in their own abyss of despair and self loath-ing things started to bubble within me
I remember the first man who disclosed to me He did not really intend to He started to tell part of a story and I just knew I just knew What he did say was part of an institutional abuse situa-tion that gained public awareness in the media After that story broke many men came forward as well to tell their story of how they too were abused as boys in a school
Inside
By Geeders (Jim)
W hen I was first asked to write about my experi-ences working in a jail I
wasnrsquot really sure what I could say about it Can I say this or should I say that Was it going to be really negative or show promise of better days ahead And what about me mdashthe new me mdash dealing with issues of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) at the same time as the men I see and work with How the hell was (or is) that going to work Well it is a work in progress after all and one that seems to evolve as I change and as I become more comfortable with my own sense of a new self
Let me begin by saying that there is nothing in this article that would meet the rigours of clinical dissection Equally important I do not work with sexual offenders What I am going to say is purely my experience based on personal observation No scientific analysis can be attributed to it apart from what we already know or suspect One in six men will have been sexually assaulted or abused by the time they are 18 It has long been opined that the number of abused men is actually
setting that was really a cover for juveniles in trouble with the law
The inmate I was working with did not come forward at that time He couldnrsquot His disclosure to me was the first time he had ever said anything about his abuse No one else knew mdash no one He was alone His pain was palpable and obvious His shame and guilt were profound Never had he admitted to himself what had happened in that school let alone admitted to a total stranger until that very moment I listened to his pain tried to console him just let him cry Eventually over the course of a couple of interviews it became obvious to me why he was in jail Any self-esteem that he had as a boy or young man was destroyed by his abuse His very essence was rewritten by the men who had abused him Teens get into trouble but they can also learn to later stay out of it by fol-lowing the teachings of those they trust But for this young man his ability to trust was destroyed by the very people who were sup-posed to care for him nurture him and dare I say it love him appro-priately What was even more tragic is that this man came from a cul-ture that has low tolerance for anything that even remotely resem-bles homosexuality
Being abused sent this man on a downward spiral that ultimately turned him into a drug addict by his own admission a junkie who hated himself for what ldquohe had
(Continued on page 32)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoOver the course of
several related careers I
have seen a lot of good
being done Irsquove also
seen a lot of ugliness
that even by todayrsquos
standards defies the
most common
sensibilities we have as
human beingsldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 32
donerdquo His shame and guilt and culture prevented him saying any-thing about what happened It cut him off from any legal action that might take place and removed any sort of financial compensation that he might gain as a result of his abuse It eventually cut him off from his own family because his drug abuse prevented him from working and supporting his wife and family It destroyed his ability to be a good dad and husband A few years later I saw him back in jail again
When I did encounter him again it was with an in-creased sense of awareness within me Every time a man disclosed to me that he had been sexually abused or assaulted I started to die inside A little piece of me just died every time a man said to me what I could not say to myself or anyone else That dormant volcano started to fume a bit more regularly
Over the course of several related careers I have seen a lot of good being done Irsquove also seen a lot of ugliness that even by todayrsquos standards defies the most common sensibilities we have as human beings It exists Itrsquos around every corner if we choose to look at it Along with the ugly we have the good We have people who are willing to take a stand and come forward to say to the world ldquoWe
Inside (Continued from page 31)
have a problem here itrsquos not going to go away and it needs to be fixedrdquo I had the good fortune to meet many of these people last year at a conference on male sex-ual victimization By then I had been able to learn from the men that I serve that perhaps I too could learn to tell someone Could I be a survivor too
Men in jail are there for a reason Whether itrsquos to protect society while they await trial or from
themselves or while sentenced they are here Whether I think they should be here is irrelevant They are usually at the end of their ropes Their lives are upside down and in turmoil They are frequently in withdrawal from illicit drug use They are in the bottom of a pit from which there does not appear to be an escape or refuge They are desperate and will act desperately
if needed They are angry and no longer have any control over their lives Someone has taken that control away from them They have no choice but to comply Failure to comply results in loss of privileges which can include being prohibited from contact with those they love the most Forced co-habitation with other men can evoke strong memories of prior abuse which they cannot deal with let alone understand It can be isolation
They are alone and cannot speak about their issues for fear of being discovered and further stigmatized and trau-matized by a peer group that cannot tolerate differences or diversity
I have been fortunate in that for some reason men trust me and feel safe and able to disclose And when they do you can see the relief on their faces They are scared for sure but it has always seemed to be a relief I have to ask them I have no choice because itrsquos part of my job But now as a survivor myself I can tell them they are not alone I cannot tell them about me but I can tell them they are not alone that they
are among the approximately one in six men who are assaulted or abused when they are boys or young men I can tell them about the few resources we have avail-able for men which are a 100 improvement compared to what they had when they first walked into my office I tell them about MaleSurvivor and have MS posters up in my office I can tell them that
ldquoTougher than lsquoNamrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 33
Maybe not I prefer to think that I have shown them that there is hope There is life in being a survi-vor they donrsquot have to be held hostage any longer by a secret that was put upon them by an abuser I prefer to think that I have been able to show them that they do not have to be ashamed for being male When I speak with them Irsquom a straight shooter I calls rsquoem as I sees lsquoem I use words they can understand mdash street language mdash which helps them understand their bodies and to understand that Mother Nature made them to be reactive and responsive I tell them that simply because their bodies reacted that their bodies re-sponded while being abused did not make the abuse their fault It takes a while to get there at times But the relief when the penny drops and they realize that they themselves were in no way respon-sible for the abuse is quite remark-able
Just this week Irsquove been working with a man who actually smiled when he came into my office He said ldquoI finally get it It wasnrsquot my faultrdquo He then went on to tell me that immediately prior to his at-tending in my office he had just disclosed to his sister while on the phone in his jail area surrounded by other inmates While it was perhaps not the safest venue for a disclosure he made his own deci-sion He said he was taking control As a 35 year old this man has not been in control since he was first abused at age seven Subsequent abuse only reinforced for him that he was an object a thing not worth anything Relationship after relationship failed him as he con-tinued to relive issues of abandon-
there are over 6000 people regis-tered at MS and that when they get out they will find tremendous support at the MS website I can tell them about Weekends of Re-covery without disclosing that attending a WOR was one of the best things I have done with my life They will know that they are no longer alone And not once has anyone asked me directly about me If they did I could not reply which in a round about way is a reply But I cannot reply Why The institution that I work in can be as intolerant of differences and diver-sity as the inmates are of each other The whole notion of male abuse and assault simply does not exist It is not spoken of It will not be spoken of mdash until now
Because abuse is now spoken of I have been able to create a support network for inmates and for myself Itrsquos a small step but a step never-theless Itrsquos spoken of now at a level never before reached in terms of official support and direction Support has yet to be defined but I have a mandate now to do a better job for male survivors Itrsquos on paper Itrsquos my goal
Safety of all concerned has to remain first and foremost mdash safety for the inmate safety for me With inmates disclosing to me often for the first time I am struck by what happens next A huge can of worms is opened And for what There is little safety here little opportunity to follow up The court system tosses these men around like dice One day they are here the next they are God knows where Have I done something that perhaps I shouldnrsquot have Maybe
ment physical and sexual abuse sexual orientation confusion anger management substance abuse domestic violence self respect low self esteem boundaries mdash these and much more impact upon this man daily But hersquos making a start Itrsquos another chance We all need them
I would be remiss to not mention the support of my colleagues Some of them do know about me and they have been tremendously supportive and understanding They too share a belief that it is possible for men to become survivors I cannot imagine doing this work everyday without their ongoing support I love you guys
The resources I refer to are few the Menrsquos Project in Ottawa The Gate-house in Toronto as well as local sexual assault centres I discovered on my own road to recovery that our local sexual assault centre does in fact offer services to men but does not advertise this due to the fear of being inundated with refer-rals They simply are not equipped to handle what surely lies out in my community When the report of the Cornwall Inquiry comes out later this year it is my belief that it will force our government our society to re-examine how its treatment of boys and men is provided Hope-fully those who are like I was feeling alone fearful uncomfortable in their own skin will feel more enabled to come forward to shed that skin that was put on them by their abuser(s) and step out of the ordinary letting their souls ascend and become free
Vol 2 No 2
Page 34
A History of Male Survi-vor Services in Queacutebec
and First Nations Communities
By Caroline Benamza (dance and drama therapistpsychotherapist at CRIPHASE)
And by Benoicirct St Jean (Director of CRIPHASE)
Contact Tel +1-514-529-55-67 Email infocriphaseorg
Website wwwcriphaseorg
T he latest statistics in Queacutebec show that one out of every six men has been sexually
abused before the age of 18 but there are very few statistics regard-ing male survivors and this estima-tion is only based on reported abuse Most adult men or boys who are survivors go unnoticed because most of the services in Queacutebec are exclusively for women In 2008 the male population in Queacutebec was about 3800000 of which about 3000000 are above 20 years of age (from the Institut de la Statistique) Therefore we can estimate that in Queacutebec there are around 500000 male survivors actually visible within the different health care services justice system and police departments The num-ber is already frightening for a seemingly peaceful society like Queacutebec When it comes to Native American communities as many as 80 of boys have been sexually abused before the age of 18 This number is quite similar mdash but for different reasons mdash to the male population within the Federal or Provincial prisons
The reality of male survivors of sexual abuse in childhood has remained in the dark for years in Queacutebec and it is only in the last four years that the government has acknowledged the necessity of funding counseling services for male survivors Historically it can be explained The first services for survivors have been developed since the 1960s within the very strong Queacutebeacutecois feminist move-ments The women have built along the years a strong network of ser-vices for female vic-tims of sexual abuse and domestic vio-lence Today these services still exist as the CALACS (Centres dAide et de Lutte contre les Agressions agrave Caractegravere Sexuel = Sexual Assault Cen-tres) network for survivors of sexual abuse Due to a strong belief in pro-viding a safe haven for women survivors men were turned away from these services and had nowhere to go Only two survivorsrsquo centres in the Montreal area outside the CALACS network welcomed men but those men represent only 5 of clients
This situation became obvious when the CAVAC (Centre drsquoAide pour les Victime drsquoActes Criminels = Crime Victims Assistance Centres) started to provide counseling ser-
vices to victims of criminal acts who wished to press charges and go through a court procedure The first services in Queacutebec for male survivors therefore came from a strong need in the society In 1996 the CAVAC decided to fund an experimental program directed by Denis Reneacute to offer a support group for male survivors This program was named the PHASE Groups (Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = For Men Sexually Abused in Child-
hood) With the suc-cess of these first groups between 1996 and 1997 the CAVAC of Montreal tried to secure funding for the continuation of services Unfortu-nately the PHASE Groups suffered from the double status it carried within the government the Minister of Justice that was the main funder of the CAVAC refused to fund a counseling service supposedly to be funded by the Health Minister Later the Health Minister turned down the
funding because as part of CAVAC the program should have been funded by the Minister of Justice
So it was in 1997 that Denis Reneacute decided to secure the future of the PHASE Groups by registering them
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoWhen it comes to
Native American
communities as many
as 80 of boys have
been sexually abused
before the age of 18
This number is quite
similarmdashbut for different
reasonsmdashto the male
population within the
Federal or Provincial
prisonsrdquo
February 2009
Page 35
intimacy and sexuality issues) and PHASE Artistique (a 10 weeks art and movement therapy program) with a holistic approach to body and mind recovery
In 2008 the very first weekend of recovery (named PHASE Weekend) was created and CRIPHASE wishes to make the weekend an annual event In 2003 for the first time
CRIPHASE became a full member of the Table de Concertation en Agressions Sexuelles (a gathering of several organizations providing services to survivors in addition to representatives from the Justice the Health Minister and the police) This cooperation allows a better understanding of survivor issues and needs as well as a better coor-
within a non-profit organization that took the name CRIPHASE (Centre de Resources et drsquointervention Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = Resource and Intervention Centre for Men who have been Sexually Abused in Childhood) For 10 years the Groups have survived on pri-vate funding and have provided two recovery Groups called PHASE 1 and PHASE 2 Each PHASE is a 10-week program serving non-offending male survivors over 18 years of age and of all sexual orienta-tions With its first public funding in 2004 of $38000 a director was en-gaged by the board of administration and in 2008 the PSOC (a funding body within the agency of Health and Social Services) fi-nally secured the future of CRIPHASE with a first major funding rooting CRIPHASE in the circle of sexual abuse survivors centres
Since 2006 CRIPHASE has devel-oped a major politics of visibility through the media conferences and meetings with the different actors of the Queacutebeacutecois stage Three more programs have been developed within CRIPHASE PHASE Conjoint (for partners of male survivors) PHASE Sexo (a 10 weeks program of recovery focusing on
dination of services on the ground From within the Table CRIPHASE has been able to educate people on the issue of male survivors and participate or initiate projects such as the Information Guide for Sexual Assault Victims and the first pre-vention mobilization and aware-ness march for sexual abuse survi-vors in 2008 The presence of CRIPHASE at the Table has also
allowed the feminists within the CALACS to have a better under-standing of the suffer-ing of male survivors who are also victims in their own way of an old patriarchal system CRIPHASE was also finally incorporated in the CALACS coordina-tion groupmdashcalled Table des CALACS mdash in 2008
Until 2008 there were no services provided in English (Queacutebec is a French-speaking province where Eng-lish speakers are a minority) due to lack of funding to translate the PHASE 1 docu-ments and employ English-speaking therapists The project
to offer groups in English had been put aside for years but finally in 2008 the first groups of PHASE 1 and 2 opened for English speakers The PHASE Artistique and PHASE Weekend are now bilingual pro-grams
(Continued on page 36)
Phone calls received at CRIPHASE
male survivors
therapists
relatives and loved ones
other
The average male survivor using the services at CRIPHASE is aged between 35 and 55
Vol 2 No 2
Page 36
Male survivors in the Native American
communities Recovery programs within Native American communities are only starting Many Native American men were sexually abused as well as psychologically and emotionally abused when they were sent to boarding schools across the province for assimila-tion The effects of this traumatic experience (including historic trauma) can be seen in all First Nations of Queacutebec Algonquians Cris Innus Abenakis Innuits Micmacs and so forth Today there is a strong need of heal-ing for this lost gen-eration but traumatic experiences and con-sequences have been passed on to the next generations Unfortu-nately sexual abuse is one of these problems which need to be addressed through prevention and coun-seling in a way that will integrate Native American traditions and their holistic ap-proach to medicine Such programs already exist within some communi-ties Organizations like GRIPMA (Groupe de Recherches et dInter-ventions Psychosociales en Milieu Autochtone = Research and Inter-vention group in Aboriginal Com-munities) located in the Huron
History of Male Survivor Services (Continued from page 35)
community of Wendake (near Queacute-bec city) provide a clinical expertise in intervention within Native Ameri-can communities On the other side the Aboriginal Healing Foun-dation based in Ottawa is currently funding 16 recovery projects for the First Nations in Queacutebec ad-dressing sexual abuse addiction prevention of suicide boarding schools trauma etc until 2010
Last year the publication of the five-year funding plan on sexual abuse by the provincial govern-ment of Queacutebec has seen the recognition of male survivors as a population in great need of ser-vices It has also recognized the necessity of providing services to the First Nations communities
Things are changing in Queacutebec for male survivors Because CRIPHASE is the only organization providing support and counseling to men in Queacutebec who have been sexually abused in childhood there is great hope for an increase of funding this year The constant develop-ment of CRIPHASE and the increase in phone calls and numbers of guys within the services (in 2008-
2009 there will be seven groups of PHASE 1 in-stead of five the year before) also show that men in Queacutebec are get-ting the right information on sexual abuse and services and are being encouraged to look for help and engage in re-covery
If you are one of these men in Queacutebec we are waiting for your call Remember you are not alone
For the annual march event please visit wwwmarchevasca (Information for the May 2009 march will be on line from February 2009)
Quilt Square by a Native Child from Alberta From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 37
MaleSurvivor is men surviving sexual abuse in Canada we will start with Canadarsquos sad legacy of abuse of children by clergy
A Brief Incomplete Canadian History
In Canada our First Nations People have had to bear the legacy of abuse they endured in Canadarsquos notorious residential schools Cur-rent issues of addictions and family and mental health problems amongst our First Nations people can be traced back to the legacy of abuse experienced by Native chil-dren in residential schools
Around 1874 the federal government began working with the churches (Catholic Anglican United and Presbyte-rian) to set up the Residential School System as a means to suppress Native cul-ture and promote assimilation In gen-eral children between the ages of five and 16 were taken from their parents and sent to church-run residen-tial schools The extent of the abuse in these church-run schools has been referred to as the ldquoCanadian Holocaustrdquo Recently the Canadian Government formed the Truth and Reconciliation Commis-sion (TRC) as part of the court-approved Indian Residential Schools Settlement Agreement The
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious
Leader By Nancy N Mayer MSW RSW
Partner Crisci amp Mayer Consultation Counselling and
Training Toronto wwwckmconsultationcom
Introduction
L ikely all the readers of this newsletter have knowledge and expertise about men
being physically sexually and emotionally abused Research tells us that abusers can come from any
walk of life and most often are known to the child or adult In the last decade abuse by clergy has finally ldquocome out of the closetrdquo so to
speak thanks to those brave survi-vors who have made public their experiences of being abused by clergy More than ever survivor groups are encouraging victims to report these crimes to the police and to consider seeking civil re-dress for their injuries Many groups believe that change in churches will only come when they are held accountable for the abuse perpetrated by clergy
This article will attempt to address the distinctive issues that are com-mon to this population of survivors Because the focus of this issue of
purpose of the commission is not to determine guilt or innocence but to create an historical account of the residential schools help people to heal and encourage reconciliation between Aboriginal and non-aboriginal Canadians
The notorious Mount Cashel Or-phanage is another Canadian leg-acy of sexual abuse by clergy This facility was operated in Newfound-land by the Christian Brothers More than a dozen priests were convicted after decades of abusing young boys at the orphanage
Mount Cashel Or-phanage closed in 1989 just six months after allegations of sexual physical and emotional abuse were published by the media (For more in depth information see Harris Michael Unholy Orders Trag-edy at Mount Cashel Ontario Viking Press 1990)
Like the US there have been hundreds and perhaps thou-sands of cases of children and vulner-
able adults abused by clergy in every religious denomination Unlike the US our country is not bound as strictly by statutes of limitations so lawsuits can proceed more freely Our sentences for convicted clerical sex offenders are
(Continued on page 38)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Nancy N Mayer
ldquo[First Nations] children
between the ages of five
and 16 were taken from
their parents and sent to
church-run residential
schools The extent of
the abuse in these
church-run schools has
been referred to as the
lsquoCanadian Holocaustrsquoldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 38
nowhere near as severe as those of our American neighbours Most first offenders will not serve a day in jail The civil awards for personal inju-ries are also quite low Our court system promotes set-tling these cases out of court When a case fails to go to trial it is not part of the public re-cord The widespread use of confidentiality orders media fatigue and Canadian reserve means that it is impos-sible to obtain accurate statistics on how often men are abused by clergy or even the ex-tent of the problem in this country
The Authority of Rel igious Leaders Religious organizations have always played a central role in our so-cieties They provide moral ethical and spiritual guidance Reli-gious teachings have given us a context and meaning for our lives Most religious belief revolves around a divine power or God Religious leaders (ministers priests rabbis elders nuns) are thought to be Godrsquos earthly repre-sentatives and are treated with reverence and respect They have intimate involvement with families and children at such vulnerable times as an illness death or other family crises They may have access
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 37)
to confidential information by virtue of their roles of confessor or counsellor A child brought up by religious parents is taught to re-spect these men and women Oth-ers associated with churches mdash choir leaders teachers cantors youth group leaders mdash are also considered trustworthy by virtue of their close
association with their religious organizations Most parents en-courage their childrenrsquos participa-tion in church-based activities believing them to be safe and wholesome
These leaders are considered to be esteemed authorities and as repre-sentatives of God wield a great deal of power Depending on the faith group there may be teachings
that support an unquestioning adherence to their instructions and guidance This makes children and vulnerable adults particularly sus-ceptible to exploitation by this group because they have access opportunity and trust
Misuse of Power Perpetrators can utilize their positions of power and trust to gain access to their victims some-times for extended periods of uninterrupted time They may tell children that they are being asked to ldquoserve Godrdquo or that they or their families will be punished if they do not do as instructed Chil-dren may be threatened with eternal damnation or blamed for leading the religious leader into sin If the religion con-siders premarital sex or same sex contacts as sinful the guilt will be compounded
In most cases the victim will not disclose or may disclose but not be
believed A child will have a difficult time convincing adults that he or she has been victimized The vic-timrsquos family culture or communi-ties have been socialized to see their religious leaders as unques-tionably good and incapable of lies This can lead to others denying or minimizing the victimrsquos experience of abuse The victim is initially harmed by the abuser and then is revictimized by those who cannot
ldquoMay Hope be Passed through Every Handrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 39
institutionrsquos response and lack of compassion and pastoral care
The Impact on Spir ituality
The frequently used term ldquosoul murderrdquo aptly describes what hap-pens when the abuser is a religious leader When the response of the religious institu-tion to a disclosure of abuse is experienced as self-serving and uncaring the survivor will likely lose his faith in the religious community of which he has been a part To belong and to feel connected is a basic human need When abused by clergy the loss of connection and belonging to what may have been a spiritual anchor can be devastating
To compound the harm the abuse may have occurred in a religious building The abuser may have worn traditional cleri-cal attire or may have made religious or biblical refer-ences As a result being exposed to religious symbols music or any other reminder can trigger flashbacks and other uncomfortable physical symptoms
The cleric is often considered Godrsquos representative on earth This gives the cleric power that surpasses his position and status When abuse is at the hands of a minister nun
accept that their spiritual leaders are capable of abuse There are many stories of clergy abuse survi-vors being abandoned by their religious communities (who side with the cleric) and their families who cannot face leaving the church that has given their lives meaning and comfort The resultant feelings of betrayal and abandonment are profound
The Role of the Religious Inst itutions
When religious institutions hold themselves up as ethical compasses and arbitrators of right and wrong society has an expectation that church leaders will act in a fair and moral way Many US Commissions and Grand Juries and Canadian reports such as the Winter Com-mission Report (Archdiocese of St Johns Newfoundland Canada 1990) Child Abuse in Community Institutions and Organizations and Improving Public and Professional Understanding (prepared for the Law Commission of Canada) all record and explain the dynamics that have lead to the failure of religious institutions to protect our children
While it is well known that any institution mdash educational recrea-tional or spiritual mdash is not immune from having sex offenders in its midst the religious institutions have a particular legacy of protect-ing the institution through aggres-sive legal tactics versus truth telling and reconciliation Many victims state that they have been less wounded by the actual abuse and profoundly more damaged by the
priest rabbi minister or elder the recipient of the abuse may experi-ence profound guilt for ldquoparticipatingrdquo in ldquosinfulrdquo behaviour mdash a mistaken belief that he is respon-sible for the abuse or shame that
he has ldquosinnedrdquo He may believe he is deserving of rejection or eternal damnation If he confesses he risks exposing the cleric who has likely done what he could to trick the victim into believing that he must maintain silence and secrecy One survivor describes feeling that rdquoIt was like being abused by God him-self If even God couldnrsquot love me how could anyone else ever love merdquo
These factors alone can leave a man who has been abused by clergy unable to find comfort and solace in what used to be his spiritual beliefs and his church Without these familiar beliefs the survivor is aban-
doned and alone when he most needs support
The Role of Gender While woman are ordained in some denominations there is still an imbalance of power between men and women in many religious tradi-tions For boys and men abused by male clerics embarrassment and
(Continued on page 40)
ldquoThe frequently used
term lsquosoul murderrsquo aptly
describes what happens
when the abuser is a
religious leader When
the response of the
religious institution to a
disclosure of abuse is
experienced as self-
serving and uncaring
the survivor will likely
lose his faith in the
religious community of
which he has been
a partrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 40
concerns of how they will be per-ceived promote silence For the boy or man abused by a female cleric there may be worries that he will be labelled the seducer or pres-sured to consider this ldquorelationshiprdquo as non-abusive
The study conducted by the John Jay Col-lege of Criminal Jus-tice regarding The Nature and Scope of the Problem of Sexual Abuse of Minors by Priests and Deacons in the Catholic Church (Washington DC USCCB 2004) found some very disturbing information about the age and gender of victims The largest group of reported victims (509) was between the ages of 11 and 14 273 of victims were 15 to 17 16 were eight to 10 and nearly 6 were under age seven Overall 81 of vic-tims were male and 19 female Male victims tended to be older than female victims Over 40 of all victims were males between the ages of 11 and 14
The largest group of reported victims in this study consisted of boys who were entering puberty This is a tumultuous time in most
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 39)
young menrsquos lives To have this period of development disrupted can contribute to many mental health problems including lack of confidence disruption of emo-tional sexual and psycho-social development isolation sexual identity confusion depression anxiety and abuse of substances
In Summary The harm experienced by those
who are abused by clergy is profound and multifaceted Some therapists will not want to work with survivors of clergy abuse due to the complexity of their issues their limited knowledge of the subject area possible religious biases and potential for litigation Most (but certainly not all) survivors will have experienced revictimization by their churches or religious institutions This compounded by abuse by a religious leader in a position of power will under-standably lead to unique challenges Survivors will have
significant trust issues that can impede the forming of a trusting therapeutic relationship with a therapist who will also be in a position of power and may be an employee of an institution With transparency and skill on the part of the therapist and tenacity on the part of the survivor effective thera-
peutic partnership can be achieved While recovery is difficult it is possible
The irony is that many survivors of abuse by clergy have a strong sense of integrity morality and perseverance They learned the lessons that the ldquoreligiousrdquo offend-ers failed to learn At the core of their beings these clergy abuse survivors are the prophets who have come to speak the truth and reveal the abuse and the decep-tions It is this desire for social justice truth telling belonging and connection that will allow a healthy spiritual belief system to rise out of the ashes of what has happened It is this healthy spiritual belief that makes many clergy abuse survivors persistent and tenacious in seeking recovery and social justice They are making a difference and chang-ing the world as we know it
ldquoThe harm experienced
by those who are
abused by clergy is
profound and
multifaceted Some
therapists will not want
to work with survivors
of clergy abuse due to
the complexity of their
issues their limited
knowledge of the
subject area possible
religious biases and
potential for litigationldquo
February 2009
Page 41
tion of it earlier in the lsquo90s but 1997 is when there was a critical mass of mostly male survivors coming forward and taking action against Maple Leaf Gardens Your question specifically was ldquoDid it play a role in my choice of ca-reersrdquo
MS Yes
SJ Yes and no The Maple Leaf
Gardens cases were not my first sexual assault cases but my in-volvement in these cases solidified my interest and desire to help sur-vivors
MS Could you take a few minutes to explain to our readers just what the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal was and why it has played a central role in revealing the extent of sex-ual abuse at least in the Toronto area
of my clients will say something like ldquoYou know this is not about the money I donrsquot care how much I get this is about something elserdquo And whatever that person seeks mdash an apology or the empowerment of filing a lawsuit or a million other unique things mdash that is why I do this kind of work Itrsquos about helping people through whatever process they need in order to begin that healing process the moving forward process
MS And also to provide your clients with a sense of justice
SJ Absolutely Justice is really not about the money itrsquos about the knowledge that theyrsquove come forward theyrsquove done something and theyrsquove empowered themselves It takes a tre-mendous amount of courage to do that I am always in awe of my cli-ents for the amount of courage they have They are my inspiration
MS Many Americans are unaware of the so-called Maple Leaf Gar-dens sex scandal that began some-time in the 1960s but didnrsquot come to wide public attention until 1997 the year after you began practicing law Did this scandal have some affect on your choice of career
SJ Actually the scandal did come to prominence before 1997 There was scattered media atten-
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 1)
SJ Sure There was a series of men who were employed at Maple Leaf Gardens which was the home of the Toronto Maple Leafs mdash the hockey club mdash who over a period of a couple of decades sexually abused probably hundreds of chil-dren It started in the lsquo60s it went on we believe until the early lsquo80s There were two principal men in-volved but there were at least three
others who also were ac-cused In order to under-stand why the Maple Leaf Gardens sex scandals are as important as they are you have to understand that hockey in Toronto and hockey in Canada is almost a religion Hockey is to Canadians what the NFL or Major League Baseball is to Americans Every little boy dreams of about becoming the next Wayne Gretzky becoming the best hockey player he can be Maple Leaf Gar-dens was the home of one of the best loved and biggest hockey teams mdash the Toronto Maple Leafs The Gardens was the high
temple of hockey in Canada and still is In the lsquo60s lsquo70s and even the lsquo80s children mdash mostly boys mdash would go to Maple Leaf Gardens usually unaccompanied by their parents because back then nobody really thought that anything bad would happen to them at the Gar-dens The boys would go there ei-ther for practice games or to watch the Maple Leafs play or more likely they would go to watch To-
(Continued on page 42)
ldquoMaple Leaf Gardens in Memory of Martin Kruzerdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 42
ronto Marlies games The Marlies were the farm team for the Toronto Maple Leafs During these games and these practices the pedophiles who worked at the Gardenrsquos would often befriend these boys seeking out boys who were more vulner-able than others most likely and would sexually assault the boys sometimes off-property but most often within the Gardens itself They would use their position as employees of the Gardens to be able to say to the boys if you come with me Irsquoll get you a broken hockey stick or hockey puck or Irsquoll get you into better seats the next game or whatever other type of inducement would be necessary to get the boys to go with them into either a washroom or a training room or other private place where the boys would be sexually abused
In 1997 there were about 50 or 60 cases all joined to-gether and Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Entertainment Ltd wanted to settle all the cases prior to the Toronto Maple Leafs moving into a new hockey rink called the Air Canada Center so as to have a clean slate at the new rink By and large a lot of the litigation was fin-ished before the team moved into the Air Canada Center but not all of it In fact there are probably 17 or 19 cases going through the court
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 41)
system today more than 10 years after the original large group of plaintiffs went through the court and I believe that new people will continue to come forward when they are strong enough
MS I understand that one of the principal plaintiffs in the case Mar-tin Kruze had settled with the owners or the operators of the Ma-ple Leaf Gardens in 1995 and that he signed a confidentiality agree-ment not to reveal the settlement
or perhaps even the details of what had happened to him Do you think that the confidentiality agree-ment Mr Kruze agreed to slowed down or hindered the full exposure of this scandal
SJ I think that any confidentiality agreement blocks public access to knowledge and to understanding so I do suspect that Martinrsquos confi-dentiality agreement did have some impact on the scandal re-
maining hidden for as long as it did Absolutely yes I believe that confidentiality agreements are in-herently difficult for plaintiffs be-cause they create and continue a cycle of secrecy Sexual assault is a crime that is almost always carried out in secret and the guilt and shame it produces is key in helping pedophiles maintain their hold over their victims Putting a confidential-ity agreement on a settlement just perpetuates the guilt and the shame
MS Unfortunately Martin Kruzersquos principal perpetrator received a shockingly light sen-tence for all his actions and I understand that this led to Martin com-mitting suicide shortly afterwards
SJ I would think that the perpetratorrsquos sentence was a part of why Martin chose to end his life yes It hap-pened relatively shortly after the sentencing and I suspect that it weighed heavily on Martinrsquos decision
MS Do you think that the sen-tence that the perpetrator received was a reflection of the then current attitude towards pedophiles and sexual abuse
SJ The sentence that the perpe-trator received was a reflection on the way that the Canadian justice system deals with criminals regard-ing personal crimes absolutely It was a very low sentence in keep-
Imants Kruze visiting his sonrsquos memorial quilt square in the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 43
obtain here versus how much they can obtain in the United States In the United States there is no cap for pain and suffering awards whereas here in Canada there is a very small cap mdash about $325000 If a survivor of sexual assault goes through the court system and even if they have a very good day in court in terms of compensation yoursquore probably looking at an award for dam-ages somewhere be-tween $200000 and $500000 Sometimes itrsquos actually less than $200000 and very very rarely more than $500000 so in that sense we are defi-nitely behind But I donrsquot think itrsquos a question of waiting 10 years to see if we ldquocatch uprdquo I think itrsquos just a fundamental difference in how our court system works and whatrsquos available to survivors in terms of compensation
If you mean that Canada is 10 years behind in dealing with other aspects of sexual assault then you are probably correct in terms of media attention public awareness and outrage Sexual assault is still largely an unreported unprose-cuted crime But things are getting better every day and as more and more survivors come forward posi-tive changes will continue to hap-pen
MS As Irsquom sure you know therersquos periodic discussion about tort re-
ing with what was handed out at the time and to a large extent itrsquos still in keeping with what is handed out right now
MS Are you still representing or have you represented anyone who is a plaintiff in this scandal
SJ I was very much involved in the core group of Maple Leaf Gar-dens survivors that came forward in 1997 I was on what was called the plaintiffsrsquo committee back then which was a group of a few lawyers who brought the litigation forward I represented a number of plaintiffs in the original group that came forward I have also represented quite a few men throughout the last 10 years and currently repre-sent two men in the last group of plaintiffs to come forward I have also been approached by at least two other men who may decide to pursue litigation
MS Dale English mdash who has spo-ken to you at some length mdash has said to me that either you or he or both of you have felt that Canada is perhaps 10 or more years behind the US in dealing with the issues of sexual abuse and sexual assault Could you elaborate on that com-ment
SJ I think it depends on what you mean by dealing with the is-sues If you mean dealing with the issues in terms of bringing civil cases forward to a certain extent we are behind One of the funda-mental differences between the United States and Canada is the way that our tort systems operate and specifically the amount of compensation that tort victims can
form in the United States mainly aimed at capping punitive dam-ages Irsquom wondering whether there is the mirror of that in Canada mdash whether therersquos any movement to-wards tort reform that would allow greater awards to victims
SJ Well there is and there isnrsquot In Canada itrsquos very difficult if not
impossible to get pu-nitive damages espe-cially if therersquos a criminal conviction The punitive damages that are available in Canada are very low A typical punitive damage award would be $20000 or $25000 - usually not much more than that So damages are quite restricted here in any event In terms of tort reform I think there is a global push by in-surance companies to
try to limit compensation whether in the States or here The things that the American Association of Justice are fighting for down in the States are the same things that the Ontario Trial Lawyers Association are fighting for here mdash the continued ability to sue for compensation un-hampered by legislative roadblocks benefitting powerful institutional defendants to the detriment of those who have suffered Ours is a much smaller playing field and therefore less money is at stake In terms of plaintiffsrsquo lawyers wersquore trying to maximize the compensa-tion that we can get for our client Every time we go to court we try
(Continued on page 44)
ldquoIf you mean that
Canada is 10 years
behind in dealing with
other aspects of sexual
assault then you are
probably correct in
terms of media
attention public
awareness and outrageldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 44
to get a higher damage award so that that case will be a building block for future cases There are always attempts to try to circum-vent the cap on pain and suffering damages that we have Itrsquos not an easy thing to do the cap has been in place in Canada for 32 years now It was put in place in 1977 by the Supreme Court of Canada and itrsquos unlikely to be overturned any-time soon Even though from a purely theoretical legal analysis that cap does not apply to pain and suffering damages for victims of sexual assault and sexual abuse the reality is that judges still use that cap as a high water mark even though it doesnrsquot formally apply mdash it is still a de facto cap and to be honest with you it is almost impos-sible to get anywhere near that cap for compensation for pain and suf-fering A typical pain and suffering award in Canada for childhood sex-ual abuse is somewhere between $100000 and $200000 Anything on top of that would be associated economic loss or care costs
MS Itrsquos quite unfortunate that even though therersquos no real cap the law behaves as if there were one
SJ Yep I couldnrsquot agree with you more Itrsquos very unfortunate
MS I understand that in 2005 the government of Ontario convened whatrsquos known as the Cornwall Pub-lic Inquiry Was the Inquiry con-vened to address the issues of sex-ual abuse and sexual assault and
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 43)
the way the justice system is han-dling it
SJ Thatrsquos probably one of the reasons the Inquiry was convened Thatrsquos one of the hopes The In-quiry was convened because of what was going on in a little city east of Toronto mdash a series of allega-tions against very prominent mem-bers of that community involving the sexual abuse of children over a period of many many years The idea behind the Inquiry is to try to figure out what happened and to put in place some recommenda-tions that will not only stop some-thing like the abuse in Cornwall from happening again but will also try to help those who were affected by the events in the first place And to some extent I think some good will come of the Inquiry Hopefully the recommendations will be good for survivors of childhood sexual abuse or any kind of sexual assault The Submission phase of the In-quiry officially ended late February 2009
MS Did you have the opportunity to testify before the Inquiry
SJ I did not personally testify before the Inquiry Testimony was generally limited to the people ac-tually involved mdash police officers vic-tims what not I was involved in the Inquiry with regards to a panel discussionroundtable that they had regarding the use of confiden-tiality agreements
MS As you probably know Male-Survivor was first founded in the early 1980s by a group of thera-pists who were concerned about support for victims of childhood
sexual abuse and although Male-Survivor is still not a very large or-ganization it has increased its in-fluence significantly over the years and Irsquom wondering whether there is a similar non-profit or other group in Canada that also is dedi-cated to helping victims of child-hood sexual abuse
SJ There are some grass roots organizations that deal with victims of childhood sexual abuse or adult sexual assault I donrsquot believe there is as cohesive a unit as MaleSurvi-vor I may be wrong on that but there are smaller more community based organizations that assist sur-vivors That being said resources available to survivors are unfortu-nately pretty limited
MS Is that because there are too few therapists in that form of prac-tice
SJ I think itrsquos a mixture of many different things First of all Canada has a much smaller population base mdash 30 million people as com-pared to 300 million in the United States mdash so you have significantly fewer people affected and there-fore you have significantly fewer resources available to those people The services that we do have will often have very long waiting lists before people can access them There are some very very good counselors in Canada assisting sur-vivors but unfortunately the waiting lists are sometimes long and the availability for public funding to provide services free of charge is somewhat limited
MS Is there anything in your opinion about the Canadian health
February 2009
Page 45
system that contributes to the scar-city of services
SJ I donrsquot know if itrsquos the Cana-dian health system I think that in Canada we have a pretty good public health system in the sense that anybody who needs medical services can access those services free of charge The problem is that a lot of these services are not covered under our health system per se Many are covered under either private plans or pay as you go type services and itrsquos just a question of finding the people who can provide these services and being lucky enough to get them when they either donrsquot have a waiting list or other-wise having to wait until your name comes up on that waiting list
MS And that could takes years in some cases it seems
SJ My understanding is that those waiting lists can be quite long but there are very good peo-ple out there Itrsquos just a question of finding them and being able to afford them
MS Can you elaborate on other differences between the US and Canada that affect the way survi-vors and perpetrators are treated by the legal system and the media
SJ The differences between Can-ada and the US are really huge On the surface Americans and Canadi-ans look pretty much the same dress the same talk the same eat the same foods and by and large watch the same TV but culturally there is a huge difference in the way we look at the world in the
way our legal system works and the way that people interact with one another
Americans are much more litigious by na-ture I think this is due to the fact that in the United States mdash at least as seen from the outside mdash the rights of the individual are paramount In Can-ada less so Canada is much more commu-nity-oriented We of-tentimes think about how something is going to affect others instead of looking at what an individual might be entitled to I think that the high
damage awards available through the American legal system are beneficial in sexual abuse cases as is the lack of a cap on awards which we have
In some ways though our legal system is much better for my cli-ents than the US system would be because of the way that our actual process works One of the things that I know is very damaging to a lot of plaintiffs in the United States is the whole discovery process tak-
ing depositions Depositions can go on for a huge number of days and pretty much everybody in the per-sonrsquos life can be called to give a deposition That is very troubling and painful for people who donrsquot necessarily want others to know about their abuse or donrsquot want to involve their family Here in Canada depositions mdash or what we call the examination for discovery mdash are lim-ited to the actual named parties in the lawsuit The defendant and the plaintiff are examined for discovery or deposed if you will Anyone who is not an actual party to the litiga-tion can only be discovered under court orders and itrsquos very difficult to get those court orders so in that sense itrsquos a much quicker cleaner process and less intrusive on some-onersquos life So that is probably a good thing
The other really huge difference between the two systems which I think does in fact impact on why a lot of these cases settle as opposed to going to court and oftentimes settle for very different amounts of money than they would if they went to court is that in Canada we have a ldquoloser paysrdquo system If you go to court and you lose you have to pay at least a portion of the fees incurred by the other side Letrsquos say the defendantrsquos settlement offer is $100000 If the plaintiff does not accept that $100000 and at trial the plaintiff gets $99000 then the plaintiff has to pay the lawyerrsquos fees of the defendant because the award is less than the settlement offer That is very difficult That means that a lot of cases are set-tled for probably less money than
(Continued on page 46)
ldquoOn the surface
Americans and
Canadians look pretty
much the same hellip but
culturally there is a
huge difference in the
way we look at the
world in the way our
legal system works and
the way that people
interact with one
anotherldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 46
MS I join you in that hope Any-thing that can advance the cause of not only helping people but also helping prevent further abuses is always going to be welcome If you could set forth a vision of how you would like to see the law and the therapeutic community in Canada evolve to handle matters of child-
hood sexual abuse and sexual assault mdash if you could influence the reform of institu-tions what would your vision be
SJ Oh Richard Wow Well first and foremost I would love to raise public aware-ness of this issue for various reasons I think that increased public awareness will not necessarily reduce the instances of abuse but will help improve how abuse is dealt with when itrsquos ongoing and after-wards Itrsquos very im-portant that when a child is hurt that
child knows that he can go to peo-ple for help and support All too often if kids get up enough cour-age to tell someone the reaction they get is not very positive I think that with increased public aware-ness hopefully people will under-stand that there are ways to deal with this that will decrease the amount of harm so public aware-ness is paramount
I would like the legal system to raise compensation awards for sur-
turning point in bringing to the publicrsquos attention that the sexual assault of children can happen does happen and itrsquos a very diffi-cult thing for anyone to go through whether theyrsquore little boys or grown men that were abused as children It brought childhood sex-ual abuse out of the shadows to a certain extent The scandal still garners media attention as new survivors come forward but not the same as it did 10 years ago
MS Would you say that the lack of inves-tigative reporting is a cultural phenomenon or is it that the news-papers donrsquot feel they have that role
SJ Oh no Canadian newspapers do feel that they have a role in investigating things but for whatever rea-son sexual abuse of children has not been a priority The Cana-dian media really has not been at the forefront of this issue the way the media in the United States has been and I think that is tremen-dously disappointing The lack of media attention means that we arenrsquot fostering the awareness within the public that we need in order to provide real help and ser-vices for survivors We need the mediarsquos help to bring this horrific crime to light and to help stop it from happening
they would get if they went to court because that risk of going to court and not getting at least the amount of the original offer weighs heavily on everyone Our system is designed and geared toward avoid-ing trials which can be good be-cause nobody really wants to go through a trial but can be bad be-cause people become very intimi-dated by the prospect of losing or not getting as much as the settle-ment offer and being indebted to the defendant for a lot of money Thatrsquos a scary scary thing to go through
With regards to the media the US has a media that by and large has helped out a lot with sexual abuse cases The whole issue of clergy abuse really started with investiga-tive reporting by the Boston Globe right
MS Right
SJ They really took that issue and just ran with it Here in Canada we really havenrsquot had the same kind of investigative media cover-age as yoursquove had which is why events like the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal are not as huge as they are down in the States
Before Martin Kruze committed sui-cide the media was only somewhat interested in the Maple Leaf Gar-dens scandal Martin Kruze was a figure because he had sued the Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Com-plex But after he committed sui-cide the media was really galva-nized and that was probably a
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 45)
ldquoThe lack of media
attention means that we
arenrsquot fostering the
awareness within the
public that we need in
order to provide real
help and services for
survivors We need the
mediarsquos help to bring
this horrific crime to
light and to help stop it
from happeningrdquo
February 2009
Page 47
ments but it canrsquot at this stage really happen through the courts
I would want there to be an ability for institutions or perpetrators mdash de-fendants mdash to look beyond mere dollars and cents and look toward healing the person that they have hurt either directly or indirectly All too often in these cases we really become tied up in the legal minu-tiae of things as opposed to defen-dants saying ldquoOK letrsquos step back here and letrsquos try to helprdquo
I wish that there were a real under-standing that these cases are not car accident cases and they should
not be treated as car accident cases My clients are not people whorsquove broken a leg and therefore need X amount of dollars in order to pay for medical services or whatnot And unfortu-nately that doesnrsquot necessarily happen
In terms of the thera-peutic community I would love to see counseling and therapy ses-sions be paid for through the pub-lic purse so that people who re-quire the services of highly-skilled counselors and therapists and psy-chologists can access those services without having to pay for them A lot of clients just donrsquot have the economic means to pay for such services until after they get a set-tlement and that could take years It would be wonderful to see those kinds of services funded the same way as a trip to the emergency room or a trip to your family doc-tor for a cold is funded Irsquod love to
vivors The amount of damage that can be done as a result of child-hood abuse or in fact any kind of sexual assault is tremendous It affects almost every aspect of someonersquos life It becomes inter-generational because it affects the people around the survivor and compensation awards are still very much a pale reflection of what is needed in order to help these peo-ple I hope that at some point our judges and our legislature under-stand that need and can corre-spondingly give appropriate and reasonable damage awards so that people can start to rebuild their lives in a meaningful way
I would love there to be an opportunity within our civil system for more than just compensation At this stage the only thing that a civil judge can do is award monetary compensation There are a lot of creative things that you can do within a settlement that are not purely fi-nancial that can give a lot of sol-ace to someone who has been abused whether that be in the form of some non-financial healing whether it be in the form of a situation where somebody can con-front their abuser if thatrsquos what they wish to do in a safe setting or whether itrsquos the ability for that sur-vivor to do something outside of pure simple dollars and put for-ward some sort of healing plan that is as individual as they are That can happen through settle-
be able to see that I think that that would go a long way to helping people earlier rather than later
Ultimately I wish that this situation didnrsquot exist anymore and I would be put out of business frankly
MS Well I can certainly sympa-thize with the way you feel but it would seem that you have a career ahead of you dealing with this problem
SJ Unfortunately I think you are right I think that instances of child-hood sexual abuse are not neces-sarily going down I think that insti-tutions are getting a little bit better at putting in place policies and sometimes even following their own policies to stop pedophiles from entering those institutions and preying on people that those insti-tutions are theoretically set up to serve but I think that as long as the problem of childhood sexual abuse is with us I will be out there trying to help anybody that I can
MS Is there anything else yoursquod like to say to our readers
SJ I think that organizations such as MaleSurvivor are imperative in helping people understand that they are not alone that itrsquos not their fault and there are ways to get help So hats off to an organi-zation such as yours The clients I have who are involved in your or-ganization are very very well served so I have to thank you for being a resource
MS Thank you very much for your kind comments and for your time Simona
ldquoUltimately I wish that
this situation didnrsquot exist
anymore and I would be
put out of business
franklyrdquo
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-
February 2009
Page 5
Connecting the Dots By Dale English MS CAS
I have a very distant memory of being in the first grade in a small New Hampshire town
sitting at my one-piece wood and iron deskchair and being exposed to multitasking for the first time by Sister Mary George She gave me a paper covered with a mass of dots each with a number next to it The task was to connect the numbered dots in ascending order with straight lines If done correctly a
picture would ap-pear serving both as proof of mastery and as an object waiting to be coloredmdasha prize for onersquos efforts Uncon-sciously I must have
been channeling this moment of history as I crisscrossed Canada through emails and phone calls meeting each of the contributors of this Issue and discovering yet again that the first frame of a perception is often quite different from the last
The first dot on this journey be-longed to the woman I think of when anyone says the word ldquoCanadardquo to me Toronto therapist Lynne MacDonell of the Weekend of Recovery team provided her vision of the challenges faced by
survivors in her country and the first of the names that would ac-company each of the next few dots I was led to John Muise and Ellen Campbell from the Canadian Center for Abuse Awareness who write in this issue about the legisla-tive role in abuse Tom Wilken therapist and author who facilitates support groups for men Jim Hall facilitator from the Menrsquos Trauma Group Program in Scarborough Ontario Glenn Allan a local radio personality who facilitates a support group for male survi-vors J A a survivortherapist who serves in an area necessitat-ing confidentiality and Robert Hawkings a psychotherapist who is the newest member of the Week-end of Recovery program
The dots that followed came with names like Bruce Jordan David and Robert all alumni of the WOR program courageously willing to share some of their journeys with our readers Then the newest mem-ber of the MS newsletter team Mark H volunteered to take on the massive task of locating sup-port groups and other services for male survivors across Canada It was then from Mark that we re-ceived the name of the person who would be this Issuersquos front page interview attorney Simona Jellinek From Simona came the name of psychotherapist Nancy Mayer who
works with survivors of clergy sex-ual abuse and from Nancy came the name of Robert Beacuterubeacute who founded a male survivor Facebook page facilitates groups and advo-cates for services for male survivors Everyone mentioned thus far is
from the province of Ontario However a dance and movement colleague from France Caroline Benamza who also works in Queacutebec province provided our final dot repre-senting our French speaking brothers who are serviced by an organization called CRIPHASE My at-tempts to connect with men and women
whose efforts lie with serving First Nations people and their survivors from residential schools were un-successful Their stories will be told the next time we visit Canada in a future Issue of the newsletter
What a journey it has been for me to meet and converse with such wonderful and committed men and women all focused on doing what they can to make a difference in the life of men who were once innocent little boys These are ordinary people doing extraordinary things as they shed light on crimes against the most vulnerable of humanity on a scale that equals some of worldrsquos worst moments Let this Issue of the newsletter
(Continued on page 7)
Just a Thought
Dale English
ldquoLet this Issue of the
newsletter serve as the
screaming voice that
every survivor wished he
had possessed to call for
someone to enter the
room and stop the
abuserdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 6
By Richard Cleverly
O n a cold October morning in 1997 Martin Kruze a courageous young man
who had been an inspiration to thousands of sexually abused Cana-dian men leapt to his death from Torontorsquos Bloor Street Viaduct Three days earlier his abuser of many years (and the sexual abuser of many other boys) Gordon Stuck-less had been sentenced to two years plus a day for his crimes mdash a mere slap on the wrist and more
than Martin could bear
Eight months ear-lier 35 year old Martin Kruze went public with his harrow-ing story of his sexual abuse most
of which occurred between 1975 and 1982 in Canadarsquos high temple of hockey Torontorsquos Maple Leaf Gardens In 1993 Martin sued Ma-ple Leaf Sports and Entertainment the operator of the Gardens which settled with him for $60000 in re-turn for his silence about what had happened to him and others at the Gardens
Four years later and a month after another hockey-related story of sexual abuse broke in the national media Martin decided to end his silence Martinrsquos story galvanized the media and shocked and out-
raged the Canadian public as no other revelation of sexual abuse had In the months that followed Martin used his ldquocelebrityrdquo to begin working to help his fellow survi-vors many of whom still credit him with helping save their lives But tragically his good works and the adulation he received did little to alleviate the terrible pain and suffering the rage and self-hatred and the profound despair that had led him to attempt sui-cide several times previously
A few months before his death Martin visited Michael Irving PhD the creator of the wonderful Child Abuse Survivor Monument in To-ronto Martin wanted to contribute his own ldquoquilt squarerdquo to the Monu-ment and arranged to work on it that fall Martin died before he could make his contribution how-ever with the assistance of Martinrsquos brothers Dr Irving made a death cast of Martinrsquos hand and sculpted a portrait of Martin from the family photo above His father Imants Kruze named the finished work ldquoMartinrsquos Hoperdquo which later be-came the title of a policy document published by the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness recommend-ing comprehensive reform of the criminal justice system (see page 28)
I have chosen to grace this publica-tion with several images of the beautiful and poignant bronzed quilt squares from the Monument
Although Martinrsquos tragic story did much to help raise awareness of male sexual abuse and assault in Canada and prepare the ground for reforms much work remains to create an integrated system of care for abused men The contributors to this special Canadian issue of the MaleSurvivor newsletter ndash care providers and advocates attorney Simona Jellinek who seeks justice for survivors and the men who tell their stories ndash share a common goal of advancing the cause of boys and men who have suffered so much at the hands of predators including First Nations people who were vic-tims of the ldquoCanadian Holocaustrdquo (see page 37)
I extend my deepest gratitude to you all
Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze
Richard Cleverly
Martin Kruze
February 2009
Page 7
serve as the screaming voice that every survivor wished he had pos-sessed to call for someone to enter the room and stop the abuse We have just scratched the surface in this effort to respond to the men of Canada So much more is needed and networking is at the center of any successful effort I would ask all our Canadian readers to contact one of these contributors and ask what you could do in this most worthy endeavor And take heart because when all the dots are connected a picture appears It is the picture of compassion and hope It is a picture of many pic-tures and they all have names And theyrsquore waiting for you
Connecting the Dots (Continued from page 5)
reclaim onersquos life and the free-dom to thrive and not simply exist
Being with other men who will absolutely provide support to one another no matter how different they may be in terms of history esteem country of origin abuse history masculin-ityfemininity or sexual orienta-tion and
Being in a safe enough space to speak to move to sing to breathe deeply to create with or without formal artistic train-ing to listen and to connect
Our next weekend mdash March 27-29 mdash will take place at the Sequoia Re-treat Center in Ben Lomond Cali-
Warm Welcome (Continued from page 2)
fornia nestled in the redwood madrone and tan oak forest of the Santa Cruz Mountains As of the third week of February we have 21 registrants with room for 28 I am not sure how many spaces will be available when you receive this so if you are interested jump in fast And if you are too late remember we have three more Level One weekends this year Dahlonega outside of Atlanta May 15-17 Hope Springs in SW Ohio Oct 23-25 and then our yet to be an-nounced weekend in Canada For those of you who are alumni you have already received our first sur-vey to help us plan the Advanced Weekend (open to any man who has attended a Level One WOR) slated for the beautiful Alta Lodge in Alta Utah outside of Salt Lake City September 11-13
Weekend of Recovery 27 at Mysthaven November 2008
Vol 2 No 2
Page 8
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Sexual assault will always be an individual experience however I think we have all witnessed via the media that when a man comes forward with his experience of sexual abuse it often uncovers a mother lode of hidden institutional
or multiple abuses Boy Scouts churches training schools private schools sports teams all flooding our TV screens and our minds with the troubling stories of scores of men abused over decades I hesi-tate to speculate that the next big exposure of institutionalized abuse will be the reporting of psychiat-ric hospitals That
exposeacute must wait for those institu-tionally traumatized men and women to find their courage and their voices
It has been my experience that pockets of expertise develop in different areas of our country and those victims of abuse fortunate enough to be able to access those resources benefit greatly Beyond those resourced areas men are left living ldquolives of quiet desperationrdquo
In 2004-2005 the Menrsquos Project in Ottawa received some time-limited funding to compile a list of thera-peutic resources and programs for male survivors A great beginning but unfortunately resources ran out and the website had to be shut down
At our clinic in Toronto Ontario Canada we run three treatment groups a week for adult men who were sexually traumatized as chil-dren This year mdash 2009 mdash the program is celebrating its fifteenth year
The difficulty in pre-senting a picture of the state of treatment for men who have suffered from sexual abuse is that there is no coordination of resources at any level in Toronto in Ontario in Canada No one really has the big picture There was a conference held in Toronto last year that illustrated that there are a number of won-derful people and programs across the province that are doing what they can for traumatized men
The spark that got our group pro-gram running was a desperate call in 1992 to SASAT (Scarborough Agencies Sexual Abuse Treatment program) from a man who could find no professional government funded resource to help him deal with his childhood trauma In To-ronto we have the ldquoBlue Bookrdquo a listing of social service resources that is the size of a medium sized cityrsquos phone book In all those many pages there was half a page listing resources for men who were either alcoholics or abusing their wives
Reflections from Canada
By Jim Hall
Wolfwood Canada
wolfwoodcanadarogerscom
I was asked by MaleSurvivor to give some reflections on my experience as a therapist dealing
with male sexual traumatisation in Canada
I began my professional journey in 1985 working in a childrenrsquos De-tention Centre I worked with street kids through Covenant House in
treatment classrooms and for the past fifteen years in a hospital-based clinic Over the past three years I have become increasingly involved with
the Inuit of Canadarsquos Arctic dealing with issues of trauma including cultural trauma
In 2005 I wrote Creating Courage Search amp Rescue a manual for people in the caring professions who deal with trauma and anxiety In March of 2005 I began present-ing ldquoInside the Male Mind Identify-ing Resistance and Opportunity in the Treatment of Boys and Teen Guys Who Have Experienced Sexual Abuserdquo throughout the province of Ontario
Jim Hall
ldquoThe mass of men lead
lives of quiet
desperation
What is called
resignation is confirmed
desperationrdquo
mdashHenry David Thoreau
1854
February 2009
Page 9
One of our shining resources in Canada is the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness Headed by Ellen Campbell the CCAA has always been a strong advocate and sup-porter of men who have suffered sexual trauma It coordinated Mar-tinrsquos Hope which was a public forum supported by the Toronto Maple Leaf organization under the direction of General Manager and hockey great Ken Dryden Sadly Martin Kruze who blew the whistle on the Maple Leaf Gardens abuse scandal committed suicide but because of his courage many men found the strength to seek help
Like the United States Canada is a country of many cultures To understand where Canada is at in its response to the sex-ual abuse of males we have to be aware of different culturesrsquo take on the idea of ldquowhether or not males can be sexually abusedrdquo Strange question to all that will be reading this newsletter but I have talked to men of various cultures whose isolation is magnified by the cultural belief that ldquoit doesnrsquot happen to black men (unless theyrsquore gay)rdquo or ldquoit doesnrsquot happen in Indian culturerdquo What do you do when an experi-ence that doesnrsquot happen in your culture happens to you
On my office wall hangs a picture of a wolf hiding behind a tree It was drawn by a man who fought
the good fight and lost The feeling of being ldquoutterly alonerdquo over-whelmed him and his life was lost to suicide The stakes can be no higher There are few fights that are harder What keeps me going as a therapist as a man are the brave men who stay the course who push out the darkness finding strength in the company of other men who also fight to reclaim their livesrsquo potential
As a Canadian trauma therapist I am encouraged that our collective culture continues to move forward This past year our Prime Minister
apologized in the parliament of our country to our native peoples who were victimized by the residential school atrocities which mdash for many mdash included sex-ual abuse I have had the honour to work in our high Arctic with the Inuit There I have found a wonderful culture which wants to heal It didnrsquot begin so smoothly though for me Dur-ing my first visit there
while trying to start a menrsquos group the interpreter said to me ldquoItrsquos really offensive that you should come up here and talk to us about our traumardquo In the subsequent years of working together he and I have become friends
In the north and in the south I find the same troubling story Young men lost disconnected caught up in the world of drugs alcohol and
crime desperately searching for a sense of meaning and belonging Although not all have been sexually abused many have Our young men and men in general lack men-tors
In Canada we lack a coordinating organization mdash a rdquoCentre of Excel-lencerdquo mdash that would address the issues specific to traumatized men and could provide research leader-ship and treatment We didnrsquot start using seatbelts in Canada until the government said we had to I be-lieve the shame and embarrass-ment most traumatized men feel keeps many from seeking the help they need A Menrsquos Trauma Centre could say ldquoMen can be sexually abused Men can be traumatized If that has happened to you you can come here We can help You need to come here Things can and will get betterrdquo
As a country are we there yet We are not even close mdash no culture no country is But there are more and more men who are there who have fought the good fight and won They have opened their mouths spoken their truth challenged the status quo and blazed a trail for other traumatized men and boys to find and follow
I believe the tide in Canada is changing Doors of secrecy that have been forced open will not close again Our compassion for traumatized men continues to grow The future has some bright-ness around its edges that wasnrsquot there ten years ago
ldquoTo understand where
Canada is at in its
response to the sexual
abuse of males we have
to be aware of different
culturesrsquo take on the
idea of lsquowhether or not
males can be sexually
abusedrsquordquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 10
this was the case It was discovered that those in control of determin-ing what funding went to what had decided it was not cost effective to have a womenrsquos detox since so few women were over-drinking The committee decided to document the need since many felt that a womenrsquos detox was necessary
In the end the committee was able to document the need and a womenrsquos detox was funded in Windsor Ontario What had hap-pened Many women struggling with a substance abuse problem were hidden and misdiagnosed A similar situation exists with male survivors of childhood abuse This problem is hidden and often misdi-agnosed
The Greater Toronto Area where I cur-rently live is a city of over 55 million peo-ple If we believe the current stats and if we assume that roughly half the population are male and if perhaps one in six boys will have been abused by the age of 16 (and ac-cording to some
experts one in five boys is sexually abused) then there are possibly over 500000 men out there who have experienced childhood abuse in my little corner of the world To be fair we know that some chil-dren report and are heard and helped We also know that some seem to have been able to work it
A Dearth of Services in Canada
By Lynne MacDonnell
Private Practice in Toronto Area +1 (416) 996-4050
A report issued by the United Nations states that millions of children are exposed to
sexual violence each year It cuts across cultures income levels edu-cation levels No country is immune from it The four-year study that encompassed 130 countries was completed by Paulo Pinheiro an independent expert appointed by UN Secretary General Kofi Annan As many as 150 million girls and 73 million boys worldwide are subject to sexual violence each year usually by someone in their family circle said the report A 2002 Canadian study showed chil-dren made up 23 of the popula-tion but accounted for 61 of
sexual assault victimssup1
In spite of this recovery services for male survivors of childhood abuse seem to be limited An internet search for services in the Toronto area yields services for gay bi or transgendered men and a group for men against violence of women While these services are necessary and valuable what about the guys who need to deal with the sexual abuse they experienced as children rather than their sexual preference Apparently there is no lack of need since the above quoted report suggests that boys are just as likely
to be sexually abused as little girlssup2 One might argue that little boys are
even more likely to be abused since access to male children is more readily achieved Common sense suggests that one is more likely to leave their male children with coaches male babysitters male teachers ldquoUncle Ernierdquo and so forth than they would ever leave their young daughters This is in spite of the fact that the majority of the perpetrators ldquoreported as
malerdquosup3 It has often been suggested that incidents of sexual abuse of boys is under-reported
If the abuse of boys is under-reported the need for services may not be apparent As an example of this Irsquod like to tell you a short story In 1977-78 in Windsor On-tario my home town there was a detox centre But it was a male-only facil-ity In those days if a man was picked up for being drunk in a public place he was taken to the detox unless it was deter-mined that he was dangerously close to overdosing or had incurred some sort of an injury in which case he was taken to hospital In that same city a blue collar hard working town women who over-drank and were picked up drunk were taken to hospital if it was deemed that they were in physical trouble But if that was not the case women were taken to Jail At that time a com-mittee was struck to find out why
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoThose of us offering
services are not
connected and donrsquot
seem to know one
another except perhaps
for the few agencies
that do work with menrdquo
February 2009
Page 11
out But we also know that many try but cannot ldquoget over itrdquo much as they would like to Sadly we also know that some end up using addiction and or violence and end up in jail or treatment and never report the abuse (I wonder how many men who are in jail for vio-lent acts have been abused as boys mdash but that is another arti-cle) Some end up dead Where are all these men Are they suffering in silence
Free or close to free workshops for male survi-vors have been offered but few men come out Perhaps the adverts for such offerings are not read by these men or their partners Yet invariably when a man does finally access services he reports the difficulty he has had finding such services Is that too a lack of good PR It seems that the lack of information and the lack of coordinating ser-vices as well as the lack of the ability to document the need have all contributed to the situation we face Those of us offering services are not connected and donrsquot seem to know one another except per-haps for the few agencies that do work with men
In September of 2008 the Archdio-cese of Toronto gave the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness a small grant to help me partner with
others to offer groups for men This has been difficult to accom-plish Despite all the emails sent out only one person responded and unfortunately she is out of the area How does it happen How do those of us working in this field connect collaborate and use each other as referrals and consultants
It is a difficult situation
Originally when asked to write this article about the ser-vices in my area I waxed eloquent about how we are all protecting our little clinical kingdom reluc-tant to share information or lose clients But
upon reflection I wonder if that is true Could it be truer that others like me are busy doing what we do best mdash working with our clients mdash thus leaving less time for what we do not do best investigate and find others working with the same clientele Am I guilty of just that I wonder
The next obvious question is how How do we get out the word that ldquoyou are not the only onerdquo to a man who was abused in childhood As we are aware men often donrsquot get help until they end up in some sort of trouble with relationships addictions or recovering from depression or suicidal attempts Or Jail Sadly they donrsquot get help there except possibly for anger management
Perhaps we can speculate that as more information regarding male childhood abuse becomes avail-able more men will come forward but if they come forward we have to have a network of people to be there It is so difficult for a man to attempt to get help mdash even more difficult if he finds places he has reached out to turn him away because they donrsquot how to help him or where to send him
Irsquove attempted in my limited way to get the message out that men need to know that they are not alone that six out of 10 boys have been or will be abused by age 18 that healing is possible and healing is a private issue Men need not suffer in silence and can stop past abuse from damaging their lives just as MaleSurvivor has helped The trouble seems to be that those who read this are not those who need to read it Too many ques-tions and not enough answers
My only plan at this point is to send the link for this edition of the newsletter highlighting Canada to everyone I can find in the hopes that somehow we service providers can have a conference workshop meeting or whatever to find each other and start working on getting the message out that we are here and we know something about how to help
Endnotes
sup1 UN report reveals ldquoshockingrdquo levels of violence against children
sup2 See httpwwwjimhoppercommale-ab
sup3 This is a discussion for another occasion
ldquoThe Cycle Stoppedrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 12
My Journey to MaleSurvivor
By Rob Hawkings MA
I was asked a few weeks ago if I would write an article for the MaleSurvivor newsletter telling
the story of how I came to be in-volved in working with male survi-vors most recently as the newest member of the Weekends of Recov-ery leadership team My initial reaction was an enthusiastic ldquoNo problem great ideardquo And I do think it is a great idea I remember back to about 1989 when I attended mdash as a par-ticipant mdash my first therapeutic weekend for men who had ex-perienced childhood sexual abuse how difficult it was to trust anyone enough mdash par-ticularly male author-ity figures mdash to talk openly about my experience and feelings and how much easier it was after the leaders had modeled appropriate trust and self-disclosure I see this autobio-graphical article as an opportunity to begin to earn your trust
A few days later it hit me that what I had undertaken was not a one-to-one direct personal exchange or confined to a self-help setting or therapy group or retreat it was go-ing to be published on the Inter-net mdash for anyone to read mdash forever After 21 years of personal recovery
including almost 20 years as a counselor and psychotherapist I am quite comfortable disclosing my status as a survivor and whatever pieces of my story will be helpful in therapeutic settings mdash but this is different This is not contained Ah well as I have been told many times along my journey There are no accidents look for signs of syn-
chronicity and take advantage of opportunities for growth So here goes
Counseling and psychotherapy is a second career for me to which I aspired as a teenager a natural choice given that one of my child-hood roles as the eldest son in an alcoholic home was to be confi-dant and counselor to my suffering mother Looking back it is a very good thing I got diverted from that career path while at university Blind to my personal issues and
without the support and life experi-ence to handle my deeply buried emotions I would have made a terrible mdash and perhaps dangerous mdash therapist I am grateful that I did not revisit this career path until age 39 after I had begun a personal healing journey Up to that point I had managed to achieve an appar-ently successful life (at that time I
was in the corporate business world) but addictive behavior and underlying abuse-related issues had progressed to the point where I was unable to hold my house of cards together I realize now that the ensu-ing marital and pro-fessional melt-down was both unavoid-able and necessary in order for the healing to begin
The high quality of the self-help and
professional therapy I was blessed to experience in the early stages of my own recovery reawakened (on a much healthier footing this time) my passion to be doing that kind of work as a professional Organiz-ing self-help retreats led to training to be an addictions counselor serv-ing a year ldquoin the trenchesrdquo of front-line addictions treatment (invaluable experience) and then working half-time for two years as a therapist in hospital-based psy-chiatric day-treatment programs
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Journey Uncredited Photo
February 2009
Page 13
during which time I began a private practice The part-time private practice filled quickly (and became full-time after two years) with re-covering alcoholics and addicts adult children of alcoholics and increasingly adult survivors of sex-ual abuse
It was while I was working that first year in a menrsquos residential addic-tion treatment facility that men be-gan to disclose to me that they had been sexually abused as boys These emotionally charged disclo-sures were always one-on-one and curiously were occurring way more often with me than with other counselors on staff I say ldquocuriouslyrdquo because I was curious as to why this was happening It was only that same year in context of self-help support and professional help that I ldquoconnected the dotsrdquo between my own sex-ual abuse as a boy and the problems that had developed in my life I did not yet fully understand as I do now that with the highly sensitive ldquoradarrdquo that survivors seem to have these men were recognizing in me an empathetic kindred spirit who would somehow relate to their is-sues To learn to help these men (and to help myself) along a heal-ing path I began to seek out any and all training I could find on the subject
In those early years I learned mostly from women in the feminist movement who had been aware of the impact of sexual abuse for dec-ades and were far ahead of men in helping each other heal Much of what they knew and so generously shared was also useful in working with men There are however ma-jor differences and I was fortunate in connecting with some of the pioneers (Mike Lew among others) who were researching and articulat-ing those differences and how to address them in recovery Over succeeding years I continued to gain experience doing one-on-one
therapy with male survivors and in lead-ing and supervising group-based pro-grams for a succes-sion of Ontario agen-cies Along the way I have been honored to serve as clinical consultant for two treatment handbooks on working with men who have experi-enced childhood sex-ual abuse
A significant experi-ence professionally for me was leaving
my private practice for five years (2000-2005) to work full-time as a Program Development Specialist at Bellwood Health Services a 60-bed in-patient addictions treatment fa-cility in Toronto It was stimulating and rewarding to play lead roles in designing and implementing Can-adarsquos first residential treatment program for sexual addiction and Canadarsquos first truly concurrent
treatment program for soldiers and veterans with substance depend-ency and post-traumatic stress (I like the term ldquoOperational Stress Injuryrdquo adopted by the Canadian military which encompasses the whole spectrum of clinical and sub-clinical combat-related stress disor-ders not just psychiatrically diag-nosable PTSD)
At this point in my life and career (as of 2005) I and my second wife (I have been happily remarried now for close to ten years) have chosen to ldquosemi-retirerdquo to the small town of Deep River Ontario about a six-hour drive north of Toronto where I maintain a part-time private prac-tice providing counseling therapy training and consulting in two of the specialties I am known for re-covery for male survivors of child-hood sexual abuse and sexual ad-diction recovery I also ldquokeep my hand inrdquo in the field of combat-related post-traumatic stress treat-ment by working two days a week as an addictions counselor at a large nearby Canadian Forces Base (in Petawawa) which is sending units regularly to Afghanistan and where we are seeing growing num-bers of soldiers self-medicating their post-traumatic stress symp-toms with addictive behavior and substances
Deep River affords us a wonderfully quiet and gently paced lifestyle in a part of the country with beautiful natural surroundings and consis-tently and gloriously clean air but it poses some challenges This town is where I grew up and where the abuse happened There are ldquoghosts
(Continued on page 15)
ldquoIn those early years I
learned mostly from
women in the feminist
movement who had
been aware of the
impact of sexual abuse
for decades and were far
ahead of men in helping
each other healrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 14
My Weekend of Recovery
By Robert L
M y Weekend of Recovery was a phenomenal ex-perience Phenomenal
The more time that passes the more I realize how much of a posi-tive impact the WOR has had on me Since the WOR things have opened up and my recovery is accelerating
Given the positive experi-ence it is hard to believe that I was somewhat hesitant to attend While I was very excited when I first signed up months in advance some personal issues arose by the time the WOR came around and I seriously considered backing out Thankfully I did not
By way of background I have known about my abuse all my life No flashbacks for me it was always front and center I tried to deal with it as best as I could alone I first spoke about the abuse at age 19 telling my first real love interest about it Disclosing my past only to love interests became a pattern for me until I could no longer handle the pain and started individual therapy at age 31 (six years ago)
The individual therapy has been very helpful I have learned a lot
about myself particularly by ex-ploring areas that I did not even think were part of the equation The therapy also helped a lot of the pain go away
My biggest single problem remains relationships or the lack thereof In actuality I have never had a ldquorealrdquo relationship Instead I keep repeat-ing the same patterns of falling for girls who cannot be emotionally available to me who are often
survivors themselves and are often already in a relationship with an-other man Clearly I needed to add something to my individual ther-apy
Over the past six years I have considered group therapy but
could not find a suitable group A few months before the WOR my therapist gave me a copy of Mike Lewrsquos book Victims No Longer As I read the book I realized that I was a ldquotextbook caserdquo and thought that surely there must be a ldquotextbook solutionrdquo (that I obviously could not find over six years of individual therapy) Naiumlve or not I decided to search for a group once again My online search led me to
the MaleSurvivor website Imagine my pleasant surprise when I discov-ered that a WOR was coming to my city I signed up immediately
I was literally the first survivor to arrive at Mysthaven and was so anxious to ldquoget the show on the roadrdquo While wait-ing for the others to arrive I spent my time looking around trying to make myself feel at home It did not take long for that to happen As I entered the main room I was faced with dozens of t-shirts made by past WOR attendees and it moved me to tears I was surely in a place where I belonged
Eventually the others arrived and we began the opening ceremony It was so well thought out Actually everything was well thought out right from the opening to the closing ceremonies I noticed a lot
In the First Person
ldquoI Know I Am Not Shamefulrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 15
of nice little touches and appreci-ated all of them
After the opening ceremony we did a ldquosafetyrdquo exercise in which everyone had a chance to express his needs for a safe environment (for instance I cannot have people touch my neck) We all committed to abide by the safety rules This turned out to be one of the best parts of the WOR because at no time whatsoever did I feel judged or unsafe in any way I cannot recall ever being in such an atmosphere before
We went through a lot of activities and exercises over the weekend Some of these included small groups breathing exercises (grounding) telling our story ldquosculptingrdquo shame busting commu-nity building art and mindfulness walks
I liked the small groups the best I felt there was an excellent fit among the facilitators my fellow survivors and me I had ample opportunity to say what I wanted to say and welcomed all the feed-back After years of individual ther-apy it was great to finally connect with other male survivors in a group setting I learned from my fellow survivors and it also put my recovery into perspective
The shame busting exercise was also incredible It is one thing to talk about creating intimacy it is another to learn how to do it ac-
from the pastrdquo on every street cor-ner mdash and I am finding them a greater challenge than I antici-pated It has been much easier (surprisingly) and a hugely empow-ering victory for me to transform the house we now inhabit mdash where some of the abuse occurred in my childhood mdash into the safest and most comfortable home I have ever known Deep River is relatively iso-lated from the colleagues I have come to know and trust over many years and I take every opportunity to join them whenever and wher-ever I can for trainings and work-shops I am also learning to rely more on the telephone and the Internet to maintain my personal and professional circles of support My journey of growth and healing continues It is not without hurdles and challenges but at this stage it is filled with blessings not the least of which are my two children (now adults) and the relationships I now enjoy with them Life now is better than I could ever have imagined and I welcome the challenges
Which brings me to the present blessing and challenge namely joining the leadership team of the MaleSurvivor Weekends of Recov-ery I have many strong family and professional connections in the United States and I welcome this opportunity to work with a geo-graphically and culturally broader range of men and women who share my values principles and passion for recovery I look forward to meeting and working with some of you
My Journey (Continued from page 13)
tively After the movement exercise one of the facilitators told me that I ldquolooked beautiful out thererdquo I did not believe or understand that comment at the time but I think I do now and it still makes me cry to think of it The comment made me feel that someone saw the ldquorealrdquo me regardless of what I look
like on the outside It also made me realize that I had forgotten how to ldquoplayrdquo I really did feel like a playful child during the exer-cise and I cannot think of the last time that I experienced such a feeling
Since the WOR I have stepped up my recov-ery process I attend weekly groups and keep in regular con-
tact with a few fellow WOR partici-pants I have also bought many self-help books started journaling and increased my time on the MaleSur-vivor forums
I see a dramatic difference in my-self since the WOR I feel more positive and more at peace I can also talk more freely about the abuse and no longer feel shame The bottom line is that I have moved from being a victim to being a SURVIVOR
Words cannot express my gratitude to the WOR team and my fellow survivors I really appreciate the individual chats and felt that every-one was genuinely interested in my recovery Thank you I love you all
ldquoThe shame busting
exercise was also
incredible It is one
thing to talk about
creating intimacy it is
another to learn how to
do it activelyrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 16
high schools were resistant to al-lowing staff members to enter their school and provide educational programs Having a male on staff proved to be beneficial and the program grew rapidly Fortunately mdash and unfortunately mdash the media be-gan writing articles about me and the educational programs Once the Ministry folks became aware a man was on the payroll of the cen-tre my position was terminated I was told that funding was specifi-cally designed for women to pro-
vide services for women To the credit of the crisis centre they had me volun-teer for six months until they could se-cure funding from the local United Way They seemed less concerned about a man wanting to pro-vide services to peo-ple in need
History was being made We became the first sexual assault crisis centre in Canada to open a separate satellite office for a
menrsquos program This was not something celebrated by all crisis centres I was asked to advocate for men but to keep quiet at the same time The program became very successful and more and more male survivors were asking for ser-vices Unfortunately in 2002 the local United Way decided to reduce their support after having a trou-
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
The Circle of Compassion
By Tom Wilken
T hanks to Dale English of the MaleSurvivor newsletter for asking me to write an article
about my experiences working with male sexual abuse survivors in Can-ada As an advocate it seems like the journey of working with survi-vors has many societal obstacles but we are moving forward slowly but surely I often wonder why it is so challenging for Canadians to include male survivors into the circle of compas-sion
In 1991 I accepted a role with the local sexual assault crisis centre and attended one of their training programs On the first day the female facili-tator looked at me and said ldquoyou must be a brave manrdquo I had no idea what she was talking about at the time but I sure do now For the next eleven years I was employed in an adversarial political roller coaster ride that made advocating for men a daunting task Nevertheless I am very thankful for that opportunity I started as a part-time support worker counseling men My posi-tion evolved and included the role of an Education Co-Coordinator The crisis centre found the local
bling fund raising year Since the gender of the clientele was male the crisis centre was unable to top up funding and the male program was removed from the services of-fered by this crisis centre This may sound discriminatory and perhaps even a human rights issue because it is In Canada we pride ourselves in celebrating diversity but unfor-tunately that does not always in-clude the needs of male survivors
Something exciting happened in 2002 Health Canada asked me to update their ldquoAdult Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse - Overview Pa-perrdquo which was distributed throughout the country by the Na-tional Clearinghouse on Family Vio-lence Until that point in time the Overview Paper was predominately written about the concerns of fe-male survivors without any equality for the concerns of male survivors There was some resistance voiced by a crisis centre about a man writ-ing about both genders but Health Canada took a chance and re-quested I complete the Overview Paper that spoke to the similarities and differences regarding the re-covery process of both genders This paper was considered success-ful and a second printing was needed to meet the requests by Canadians This was so rewarding for me and it helped me to realize that there is hope for male survi-vors
Facilitating groups for male survi-vors was an exciting part of my role at the crisis centre Being with men who are being ldquorealrdquo and sup-
ldquoThe Canadian
government has known
for years that 37 of
sexual abuse survivors
under the age of 21 are
male however they do
not open their hearts for
male survivors and
welcome them into the
circle of compassionrdquo
February 2009
Page 17
ple as well The main difference was they responded to their woundedness in a different fashion It is estimated that on any given day there are over 100000 people on probation in the province of Ontario It is also estimated that up to 80 of these folks may have been sexually abused This equates
to 80000 sexual abuse survivors who are on probation most of whom are male We also know that 59 of people in prison are sexual abuse survivors Sadly probation officers are not trained in sexual abuse recovery issues It is interest-ing to note that I work with more male survivors as a Probation Offi-cer than when I worked at the crisis centre When people are not given healthy outlets for expressing their anger it can manifest in less desir-able ways
I started the ldquoWe Want to Knowrdquo project in 2003 which was partially sponsored by the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness and the now
porting one another throughout the healing process is truly a magi-cal experience The men receiving services were both grateful and angry They were grateful to be receiving services but angry these services were not available when they were younger They wondered why so many other male survivors
are not given the same opportunity to heal Seven men from group consented to having their healing journey documented during thirty weeks of group counseling Thus the book Rebuilding Your House of Self Respect Men Recovering from Childhood Sexual Abuse first edi-tion was in the works
In 2002 I accepted a position as a Probation Officer with the Ministry of Community Safety and Correc-tional Services After working with victims for over a decade I won-dered if the adjustment to working with offenders was possible It did-nrsquot take long to realize that people who offended were wounded peo-
closed Windsor Family Forum We were able to fulfill the dream of the seven courageous men from group by distributing copies of the RYHSR book to agencies throughout Can-ada
Millions of dollars are spent in Can-ada for sexual assault crisis centres and other programs for female sur-
vivors These valuable programs for women are underfunded but un-fortunately there are rarely any services specifically for men The Canadian government has known for years that 37 of sexual abuse survivors under the age of 21 are male however they do not open their hearts for male survivors and welcome them into the circle of compassion
In 2007 the Diocese of London Ontario provided funding for my business Hope amp Healing Associ-ates and the Silence to Hope (STH) project was born The Diocese in-creased their funding from $30000
(Continued on page 18)
A Circle of Compassion (uncredited photo)
Vol 2 No 2
Page 18
material to the Ministry of Commu-nity Safety and Correctional Ser-vices the Ministry of Children and Youth Services Victim Services the Ontario Provincial Police and other various other agencies Over 1500 free copies of the second edition of my book Rebuilding Your House of Self Respect Men Recovering in Group from Childhood Sexual Abuse are being distributed to sur-vivors and agencies working with male survivors Lynne MacDonell has received funding from the Arch-diocese of Toronto and is assisting male survivors in central Ontario Her Help amp Hope Project is similar
to the STH project
The STH project was fortunate to partner with Howard Fradkin of MaleSurvivor and his Weekend of Re-covery facilitation team who came to Canada in November 2008 This was quite a treat for Canadian male survivors The expertise of the Frad-kin team provided a
high-caliber experience not nor-mally available to Canadians The feedback from participants indi-cated these men felt truly blessed to be part of this experience In 2009 I hope to write a workbook for male survivors that will accom-pany the second edition of the RYHSR book Ellen Campbell and the CCAA plan to partner with the STH project and provide free cop-ies of this workbook as part of a joint education and awareness pro-gram I am presently updating a Directory of Services for Health
in 2007 to $60000 in 2008 to $75000 in 2009 Thanks to the generosity of the Diocese we are able to provide support groups information and referral services education and awareness pro-grams The Diocese not only wanted us to help males who were victimized by priests but any male survivors
In the early stages we recognized that our communities were not pro-viding a safe and supportive envi-ronment for men to step out of isolation Various agencies were con-tacting me and shared their frustra-tions about not hav-ing places to refer men who were sexu-ally abused as chil-dren It became pain-fully evident how un-educated Canadian service providers are on the needs of men and sexual abuse One of the main focuses of the STH project is our education and aware-ness program and group facilita-tion
As sad as the present situation is for male survivors we are making progress The STH project has part-nered with agencies throughout our area and two agencies from our bigger cities are providing group facilitation on a year round basis We are partnering with the Cana-dian Centre for Abuse Awareness (CCAA) and providing educational
Circle of Compassion (Continued from page 17)
Canada and the National Clearing-house on Family Violence called Combining Voices This directory lists all agencies throughout the Country that provide services to male and female survivors
ldquoCollective denialrdquo is strong throughout Canada but there is HOPE There seems to be an im-portant shift in thinking taking place Several years ago the topic of working with male survivors was not to be spoken about however people are now more receptive to exploring the needs of a much ne-glected portion of the population More men are requesting services and more group counseling oppor-tunities are presenting themselves It appears that more and more Ca-nadian agencies are starting to rec-ognize the importance of including male survivors into the circle of compassion Every time we have articles in the media more men seem to come out of isolation My biggest concerns include the lack of funding by the government If this topic is not talked about and if a safe and supportive environment for men is not created men will go back into silence and isolation This work seems to be driven from the ldquobottom uprdquo and not the ldquotop downrdquo We need good men and women to talk more openly about the needs of male survivors ldquoCollective denialrdquo thrives when good people keep silent Survivors are not living in total isolation they are fathers brothers husbands workers community members and they are valuable human beings
We are proud to join MaleSurvivor in making this world a better place
ldquorsquoCollective denialrsquo is
strong throughout
Canada but there is
HOPE There seems to
be an important shift in
thinking taking placerdquo
February 2009
Page 19
This Boyrsquos Life
By Jordan M
M y life began as any other a happy boy in a happy nuclear family It
was a time when my biggest worry was my brother threatening to tattle on me for sneaking a cookie up to bed I was young and the life I was living was exactly how it should have been carefree and devoid of the messy thoughts and situations which I would soon come to know all too well I was a boy and without trying to sound too clicheacuted I was innocent Pure
My parentsrsquo nasty divorce popped that bubble I loved my family more than anything and the di-vorce ripped us apart Mom and Dad were too busy fighting each other to notice anything that was happening with me or my siblings We were pushed aside used as bargaining tools I felt like a pawn Mom convincing us that Dad was a bad guy Dad convincing us that Mom was to blame Being the third child of five I was lost I withdrew and I stayed as far away from any sort of family situation as I could I didnrsquot know whom to trust
Time passed and things leveled and Mom married again but her taste in men had changed since Dad Her new husband seemed to hate children and he made sure that was known He was a violent man and my family and I paid the price I felt more lost than ever I was all alone in a hell that I was not prepared for Looking for some
kind of calm in this storm I started spending more time with Dad on his farm
Dad had met and moved in with another woman as well and unlike my new step-dad I liked her I thought that this could be my escape I could stay with Dad and be safe Go back to being a kid again Live that normal life I used to have
Not only did Dadrsquos new girlfriend move in so did her brother mdash my new step-uncle of sorts He was great The coolest guy Irsquod ever met We got along he played with me we watched mov-ies we went out we did everything He paid attention to me and I sud-denly felt less alone He was that person whom I could trust He was the man who would help me through all this crap at home He was the one that cared I didnrsquot just have a new step-uncle I had a new friend a new guardian someone who was there for me I latched on I bought his trick mdash hook line and sinker
The sexual abuse began and after the initial shock frankly I got used to it Although I hated it he as-sured me it was ok This is what should be happening between a 12 year old boy and 32 year old man who have a special relationship like
the one we did I believed him All I had to do was comply with his sexual desires and he would remain there for me I was willing to pay that price to keep this man in my life Somewhere in the back of my little mind I knew it was wrong but
I wouldnrsquot tell a soul It was our little secret our special relation-ship Nobody could know but us
It went on for years and for years I grew more and more dis-tant from people from myself and from the world I attempted a few times to get away but there was no where to go Either I live in an abusive hell with Mom or I cater to my step-unclersquos desires at my
Dadrsquos Which is the lesser evil
I went back and forth from house to house each time growing a little more resilient a little harder Time went on and I wasnrsquot that little boy anymore Age was on my side now and I wanted it to stop
Mom did get rid of the mistake she married after a while but soon found a new one and I promised myself that I would not stand for another day in this hell The first time this new guy laid a hand on me I gave Mom an ultimatum him or me She chose him I was gone
(Continued on page 20)
In the First Person
ldquoAlthough I hated [the
abuse] he assured me it
was ok This is what
should be happening
between a 12 year old
boy and 32 year old
man who have a special
relationship like the one
we did I believed himrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 20
been chasing me the whole time and it was catching up
The lure of the big city called me and I began spending nights and weekends in Toronto Attempting to end the emptiness I began searching for ways to fill it I got hooked on drugs became an ad-dict I became hard Mean Nothing could touch me Fear couldnrsquot stand in my way The worst had already happened I thought what I was feeling was freedom but free was the farthest thing from the truth I was trapped trapped in anger and guilt and shame
The deep desire to be taken care of continued to force its way to the surface and take on new extremes My cutting habit that I had devel-
I left home at 16 I figured that anything was better than staying where I was This was going to be a new start for me It was going to be different this time I promised myself that I would make it
I was wrong Again
Life on your own at 16 is not an easy one mdash new city no friends barely any money Schools wouldnrsquot accept me apartments wouldnrsquot let a kid occupy a unit I was alone I was really alone this time It took
time but I eventually managed a bit of a life for myself and was able to get through high school but it didnrsquot come easy My past had
This Boyrsquos Life (Continued from page 19)
oped as a young teen had ex-ploded and I began to brutally beat myself in hopes that somebody would notice maybe take me to hospital Take care of me It didnrsquot work It never worked There was only one thing that worked sex
Hustling made me feel powerful Men would pay to be with me Itrsquos all I felt I was good at seducing men And it was a power that I so badly thought I needed As bad as I was treated the glimpse of con-trol that I felt was enough to keep me going back But all I was doing was allowing myself to be abused
over and over again It just lead me further and further down
The years passed and I lost all feeling I forgot how to feel I knew
A Sliver of Light copy 2009 Timothy Andrew
February 2009
Page 21
only three emotions happiness sadness and anger And it was the anger that consumed me Anything could set me off I was a ticking time-bomb I began to wonder if any sort of normal life would ever happen for me
I was ready to give up to accept that this was what God had planned for me but somewhere inside that messed up 20 year old head of mine there was a sliver of light the same light that was there when I was a child the light that only had to worry about sneaking a cookie up to bed And I knew that that tiny glimpse of light was the real me If I could find a way to broaden its beam I would be able to peel back all the layers of abuse and discover who I really am
I searched I called crisis lines I went to free therapy sessions I attempted to try to understand why I was like I was but I kept hitting dead ends Nobody seemed to know how to help me me a male survivor
Nothing would last The little help I did receive all faded All I really got were programs and information and books and flyers Then I found Lynne MacDonells number I called her late one night She agreed to meet with me and quickly got me
into her mens group ldquoA Time for Menrdquo
The group literally saved my life For the first time I knew I wasnt alone There were other men who had been through what I had been through and they genuinely cared for me It has been over three years
now and it is still difficult Although I have put an end to the coping mecha-nisms mdash the drugs and the cutting mdash itrsquos the feelings that still manage to give me a struggle As survivors we have to sort out our insides Our guts Our feelings All that stuff was ripped out mixed up and thrown back in when we were abused We have to retrain our brains learn how to think how to feel how to trust how to love At times I feel like Irsquom an emotional infant as if my body kept
growing after my uncle abused me but my mind didnrsquot That was the main issue when I finally decided that I needed to be on the path of recovery So I focused and I began
I look forward to those two hours every Monday night because I know I can say and share anything I want and I will not be judged I am safe there I am safe to peel back those layers of abuse and discover the real me who I was really meant to be not this husk of
a human being that I had been living as for so many years
Since joining the group I have finished university got my degree I am free of drugs and self-harming I have a good job and a much healthier lifestyle and I have come out with my secret about sexual abuse
I am not ashamed of who I am anymore It is a long and tough uphill battle and it is still far from over but I know that I have plenty of people helping me fight this battle Our group is more that just a support group We are a family a brotherhood of survivors deter-mined to help each other and spread the word
It was hope That light the real memdashit was hope As survivors some-times all we have to go on is hope and that is why we need to remem-ber that there is ALWAYS hope There never needs to be a dead end That tiny sliver of light exists in all of us you just have to find it
ldquoAs survivors
sometimes all we have
to go on is hope and
that is why we need to
remember that there is
ALWAYS hope There
never needs to be a
dead end That tiny
sliver of light exists in
all of us you just have
to find itrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 22
My Story
by Bruce M
A s I start to write this article I find myself sitting in front of the house where I was
first sexually abused I donrsquot know why I am here but I am Perhaps it is my way of being in control which I certainly wasnrsquot for a very long time It was really not that long ago before I avoided this area of the city entirely mdash never mind sitting on the street in front of the home where I was sexually as-
saulted
I am now 42 years old and have a partner who supports me more than I could have ever asked for I am in love and
although I thought I loved others before now I really know what love is For many years I was so secretly dysfunctional that most people were under the impression that I had it all together but that was furthest from the truth I was a good actor
I grew up in a middle class suburb of Toronto I was the youngest of three kids I was diagnosed with ADD and was given Ritalin to ldquosettle me downrdquo I think that Ritalin was an easy out for my parents I needed more one on one interac-tion and understanding rather than a drug regimen which suited their
needs I clearly remember my pe-diatrician back then coaching my parents on what I needed mdash and many of his recommendations went ignored In their minds it seemed that all I needed was Ritalin
I had very few true friends Most people found my hyperactivity to be too much My mother was a practicing alcoholic (thankfully sober for about 28 years now) and my father was nothing short of physically abusive mdash mainly to my sister and me but also to my brother from what I understand My father had out-bursts of rage during which he would beat me with a dog leash and his fist Once he shoved my head down a toilet and told me that is where I belonged I donrsquot know if many people could appreciate how horrible it was to be told that As long as I live I will never for-get how I felt when he said that
When I was 12 years old I was enrolled in basketball That year I excelled and my team ended up winning the champion-ship This was a great confidence boost that I really needed I had finally found something that I was good at The second year was not so great My assistant basketball
coach was a sexual predator who saw a shy and troubled boy in me and decided that he would look after his own needs This guy was a medical doctor so he knew what he was doing and started what I now understand was a very intense grooming process He talked to me about my hyperactivity my motherrsquos alcoholism and my fatherrsquos abuse As I remember back he brought these things up often while he was getting to know me
After a period of time he invited me to his home one day on the pretence of my coming over to rake leaves Once there he invited me to his basement where he
Moving On
Bruce M
Bruce M during the time of his abuse
February 2009
Page 23
matum He said that if I would not come to his house we could no longer be friends I donrsquot know how I did it but I decided that I did not want to go to his house and that was the end of that I now know that he went on to find an-other victim
For nearly the next two decades I struggled with life To add insult to injury I knew that I was a gay male and after the abuse I figured that this was what a gay relation-ship was like and I didnrsquot want it I lacked direction with almost everything I did For a while I was practically homeless because I was staying with one friend after another putting myself in situations where I could be abused again and again I was con-stantly haunted with
guilt because I was sure that the man who abused me was abusing other boys
Finally one day I came forward and told the police about my abuse They charged this man and I quickly learned that this perpetra-tor was one of the nastiest that I have come across to this day He had deep pockets and fought ruthlessly I was followed by private investigators my friends were approached by private investigators
made it clear that his gentle kind supportive ways would have a cost to me I remember hating the experience This disgusting smelling man was more than repulsive Would you believe that I went back Well I did Most other vic-tims of sexual abuse will under-
stand why better than those who have not been there I wanted to be cared for and listened to so badly that for a while I just put up with the abuse This guy came to my school at lunch and let me drive his car around the back streets I was too young and imma-ture to realize that this was not a kind gesture but more grooming that would give him access to what he wanted Eventually he got an-noyed that I would avoid going to his house so he gave me an ulti-
for interviews and he hired some of Canadarsquos best attorneys to get him out of his charges When I went to court to testify at a prelimi-nary trial he had people there to threaten me in the halls of the court and the bathrooms The criminal case went on and on and eventually to the Supreme Court of Canada for a ruling about my con-sent All in all it has been a very intense process which went on so long that the case was thrown out because of delay He is still not out of hot water because the College of Physicians and Surgeons went after him and I had to testify at that hearing too which is still going on to this day
Last fall I completed my third Weekend of Recovery and al-though I have been in private ther-apy for close to four years and have been a part of a menrsquos group in Toronto nothing compares to the results that I achieved from attending the Weekends of Recov-ery The weekend program and the connections that I made with other guys and therapists have been instrumental in giving me a push forward allowing me to have some happiness and a meaningful rela-tionship which I was never able to have before
Life is not perfect but I can tell you that it is so much better than it was a few years ago and it is getting better all the time
Bruce M during the time of his abuse
Vol 2 No 2
Page 24
nor injury well that was his cue He took me into a medical room and closed the door He examined my knee and soon the subject changed That was the first time that I was sexually assaulted
Over the years this repulsive man be-came my coach in both hockey and baseball He was a central figure at the arena and the base-ball diamond He was the one involved in all the fundraisers and came to be known as ldquothe guy who would do any-thing for the kidsrdquo Most of the parents loved him mdash but not mine He drank with parents partied with them all while he ldquotook carerdquo of us kids
The first time I was abused at the arena I told someone older than I I did so again when I was 15 What was I to do Neither time did the adults take appropriate action and you guessed it everything was swept under the carpet So I did the only thing I knew how to do mdash I stuffed it
Growing up was a difficult time for me because of the abuse and the fact that I suffered with ADHD and anxiety (undiagnosed at the time) My sisters did well in school how-ever I didnrsquot I would work my tail off get a ldquoCrdquo and then would be told to work harder or asked if I
A Victim No More
by Glenn Allan
M y name is Glenn Allan and I grew up in Stoney Creek Ontario Canada
By all rights I should have been dead years ago I am a recovering alcoholic and cocaine addict and I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse I donrsquot want my story to become an ldquoabuse or addiction-aloguerdquo so I wonrsquot get into graphic details or talk about every abusive situation
Please keep an open mind as this is my story
I was wel-comed into a loving yet dysfunctional family in February of 1964 I have four sisters
nine nieces and nephews two great-nieces and one great-nephew My story begins around the age of seven I loved skating and playing hockey I was always told ldquoYoursquove gotta practice to get betterrdquo and so I did I would play as much ice and road hockey as I could and my sis-ters would take me public skating It was at public skating that my abuser first spotted me and as-saulted me I fell during one of those skating sessions and hurt my knee My abuser was a skating monitor that day and when I needed medical attention for a mi-
were dumb My frustrations grew mdash if only they knew that there was a hurting little boy inside But I was a boy who was too afraid to say that he hurt or to cry mdash because ldquobig boys donrsquot cryrdquo I would get teased at home about being stupid or
asked ldquoWhy donrsquot you try harderrdquo
I couldnrsquot defend my-self verbally with my parents because that would have been ldquotalking backrdquo There were times when I would be so angry at them for picking on me for little things and I would think to myself ldquoYou are yell-ing at me for this while he (the abuser) is doing that to merdquo
Talk about frustration and built up rage I was a walking volcano I would fight all the time whether it was at school playing hockey or baseball it really didnrsquot matter why mdash all I knew was I was MAD
Over the years I slowly lost my self-esteem and self-worth I wanted to be anybody but me I idolized ath-letes like Bobby Orr Bobby Clarke and Pete Rose because of their dedication and work ethic Being a class clown I loved comedians (Steve Martin Richard Pryor Robin Williams Johnny Carson) and the entertainer in me loved singers (Elvis) and wanted so badly to be them Then maybe people would like me because there was abso-lutely no way anyone could really
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Glenn Allan
ldquoMy frustrations grewmdash
if only they knew that
there was a hurting little
boy inside But I was a
boy who was too afraid
to say that he hurt or to
crymdashbecause lsquobig boys
donrsquot cryrsquordquo
February 2009
Page 25
like or love me with the things my abuser had made me do
Because of the trauma of being abused I wet the bed until I was about 12 years of age which drained any remaining self-worth or self-esteem that I had left I was so embarrassed And then I had to tolerate ridiculous comments from people saying things like ldquoYou know that you are going to have to stop thisrdquo and ldquoYou are getting too old for thisrdquo No kidding really Did they think that I liked waking up in my own urine Did they not think that I wanted to stop Did they have any idea how their words hurt me Man oh man it was like that all the time They just didnrsquot think before they spoke
Frustrated and over-whelmed in my teens I finally found the ldquofriendrdquo that I had been looking for mdash first name ldquoALrdquo last name ldquoCOHOLrdquo I would be-come a whole new person when I drank booze and how I drank I found a brand new confidence I was somewhat funny when I drank dur-ing the early years of drinking however over time I became de-pressed and extremely angry I would fight in bars on a regular basis Then in December of 1987 I was stabbed outside a bar and nearly died Now you would think that being stabbed and nearly dy-ing would prompt a lifestyle
change or at the very least cause me to take a personal inventory of my situation and myself But not me I wore it as a badge of honour allowing the insanity to continue
It is said that if the drugs and alco-hol donrsquot kill you the lifestyle will During this time and over the years I was introduced to many criminals Their crimes ranged from murder assaults extortion and drug dealing to running massage parlours and prostitution mdash to just name a few One of my acquaint-ances was even a hired killer He
actually assassinated two reputed crime bosses in Ontario and is now serving a lengthy sentence for those and other killings
But I was drawn to their so-called power and complete disregard for the law Looking back on it I guess I was looking to reclaim the power
that was stolen from me by my abuser
In my early twenties I got a job working with Young Offenders as a Correctional Officer With the money I was making I bought a very nice sports car dated pretty women was extremely materialistic and yet I was never satisfied I worked in corrections for about four years During that time I also began my career in the world of entertainment as a voice impres-sionist and stand-up comedian as well as a co-host of a comedy tele-
vision show I had a tremendous ego and unknowingly had be-come rdquoThe Great I Amrdquo
After a couple of years I moved from comedy to producing and host-ing my own sports television program which aired for ten years I had so much fun and I was able to meet and interview some of sportsrsquo big-gest names
In my mid-20s when the alcohol wasnrsquot medicating my pain any longer I turned to
something stronger mdash COCAINE During a span of approximately ten years the combination of alcohol cocaine and all my poor choices cost me most of my jobs many of my relationships and all my money It drove me to criminal activity po-lice charges a conviction and a criminal record But most of all I
(Continued on page 26)
Alone Uncredited Photo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 26
was lost Glenn was slowly dying inside me I became depressed and despondent and I hated so many people But most of all I hated my-self
I had attempted suicide on a few occasions and I really and truly had a death wish I hated myself so much that on Friday January 16 1998 loaded with a supply of co-caine and booze I booked myself into a hotel room with no intention of coming out alive Friday night and Saturday passed with me drinking and getting high on co-caine After having more cocaine delivered to me on Sunday after-noon there was no turning back mdash or so I thought Approximately at midnight on Sunday I made my final decision mdash it was time for me to leave this stinking world I ingested enough cocaine to kill me and then I barricaded my hotel door and ripped the phone out of the wall I lay down on the bed defeated broken sad guilt-ridden ashamed depressed and scared yet so ready to die
Only Divine Intervention mdash some sort of miracle mdash can explain what hap-pened next The police came into my hotel room at just the right time on Sunday night and took me to the hospital Who called them how did they know to come to my room I donrsquot know Well thatrsquos not completely true Today I am a man of faith and as a Christian I know exactly who orchestrated my rescue
A Victim No More (Continued from page 25)
After a brief stay in the hospital I chose to enter the Hamilton Menrsquos Withdrawal Management Centre where I spent eleven days From there I entered an intensive addic-tion treatment centre for a six-week stay followed by a five and one half month stay at a recovery house
I have been clean and sober since Janu-ary 19 1998
I work the program of recovery intensely I was blessed with some incredible therapists who were able to break through my trust issues my rough exterior and my wall of comedy to allow me to heal I also became involved in the 12-Steps and other support groups through which I have found tremendous friendships and men-toring
Recovery is about making changes Al-though my abuser assaulted me until I was 15 years old I blamed him for all of my problems until I was 33 years old I had to change from being a pro-fessional blamer and liar to a man of responsibility character and in-tegrity It wasnrsquot easy however after many tears and lots of hard work life has gotten much better
Over time and through applying these principles I found peace se-renity and forgiveness and I also
learned how to love myself again Everything that was set in motion to harm me as a young man is now what drives me With Godrsquos help today I am able to live humbly honestly open-minded and willing to do whatever it takes to stay clean and sober while doing what I can to help others who face similar
struggles
Today I serve the Ca-nadian Centre for Abuse Awareness as the Director of the Southwestern Ontario office My mission at hand is to create a task force that will be responsible for build-ing a residential pro-gram for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
I am also the Execu-tive Producer and Host of three popular television programs Good News Sports The Edge and Living Clean Living Clean is the only live weekly interactive television program in Canada
that is designed to assist individu-als who suffer with addiction abuse andor mental illnesses
I also host The Glenn Allan Show on a local radio station in Hamil-ton ON Canada
As a motivational speaker my pres-entation entitled Youth Yak Live has enabled me to speak to thou-sands of youth nationwide since 2000 Through Youth Yak Live I
ldquoRecovery is about
making changes
Although my abuser
assaulted me until I was
15 years old I blamed
him for all of my
problems until I was 33
years old I had to
change from being a
professional blamer and
liar to a man of
responsibility character
and integrity
February 2009
Page 27
Male Survivor Groups (MSG)
By Robert Beacuterubeacute Co-founder MSG
M ale Survivor Groups (MSG) was created by a group of male survivors
of childhood sexual abuse follow-ing the death of a fellow survi-vor in Lon-don Ontario Canada The initial objec-tives were to foster cama-raderie and support for one another and also to obtain proper help
for survivors in the London area
Presently our aim is to help all male survivors and also to make our cause known It is open to all male survivors of childhood ado-lescent and adult abuse We have expanded and have supported the creation of groups across Canada and we are prepared to support the creation of groups throughout the World
Groups have been established in London Vancouver Sudbury and North Bay in Canada
Our beliefs
1 Our groups are for male survi-vors of abuse What is said in the group remains there What is stated must remain confiden-
have developed tremendous work-ing relationships with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police Ontario Provincial Police Crime Stoppers local police agencies young of-fender facilities churches self-help groups and alcohol and drug treatment centres
I also facilitate a weekly peer sup-port group for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
There was a time when I thought I would never get married and that no one could love me for who I am Colleen and I met in 1999 We both have similar pasts We both have worked through our abuse issues and are both clean and so-ber In 2001 my best friend and I married and we now have three beautiful children Ashley Brandon and Christopher Spending the rest of my life with Colleen and our family is a dream come true
The opportunity of sharing Godrsquos gifts and blessings with others is truly an honour and a privilege It is imperative that I never take these things for granted
If I can assist you or someone dear to you please donrsquot hesitate to contact me at the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness Ph 905-594-1581 or email glennccfaacom or visit these websites
wwwabusehurtscom wwwlivingcleanca wwwglennallanca
or write to me co CCAA 38 King St East PO Box 66614 Stoney Creek ON L8G 5E5
(Continued from page 26)
tial Anonymity is of the utmost importance unless the survivor has gone public But intimate details of the public person must also remain confidential Confidentiality must be assured
2 We are in the group to heal and to support each other
3 We are male survivors who want to heal and help others in the process We can be as young as 16 or as old as old can be
4 Our primary purpose is our own safe being Secondary purposes are the betterment of services for male survivors and the advancement of our cause
5 We fight on so that we may grow in solidarity
6 We are not a religious group We do use different models of functioning in our different sub-groups Ours is a healing group for more than one prob-lematic issue
7 We encourage partnerships with organisations businesses and agencies that foster the creation of services for male survivors of abuse
We have created a Facebook Group which is also open to FRIENDS who support our cause Our group is establishing partnerships with other male survivor groups in Canada and worldwide You can contact us through the Facebook page or by emailing me at berube55yahooca
Support Groups
Robert Beacuterubeacute
Vol 2 No 2
Page 28
The CCAA By Ellen Campbell [ellenccfaacom]
Founder and Executive Director Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness
A s some of you know the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness (CCAA) is a
national non-government charitable organization dedicated to eliminat-ing child abuse through advocacy education public awareness and prevention programs With help from community and corporate partners the CCAA provides accessible support healing and indi-vidual empowerment for adult survivors their fami-lies and caregivers through over 20 programs Those that listen to classic rock station Q107 in the To-ronto region will recognize us as their charity of choice through Derringerrsquos Thir-teen Days of Christmas campaign
Based in Newmarket On-tario the CCAA is an active and vibrant organization that in addition to its variety of program offer-ings is also involved in public safety advocacy That advo-cacy started with the early release from prison of one of the perpetra-tors in the Maple Leaf Gardensrsquo child sex abuse scandal Many surviving victims were traumatized again this time by the system The
CCAA went public with its concerns that day and the public safety advocacy program was born
Later the CCAA wrote a sweeping report titled Martinrsquos Hope named in memory of Martin Kruze (the first victim to courageously go public with the story of his abuse at the Gardens and who later tragi-cally took his own life) that made 60 recommendations for legislative and policy change to the criminal justice system These recommenda-tions were gleaned from round-
table discussions with over 150 front-line criminal justice system professionals crime victims and survivors To this day members of the Kruze family sit on the CCAA Board of Directors
After the initial public release of the Martinrsquos Hope report in the fall of 2003 I knew that if repairs were to be made to the criminal justice system advocacy would have to be accelerated That advocacy began in earnest in early 2006 with the hiring of John Muise a volunteer with the CCAA and previously a Toronto police officer with signifi-cant experience in legislative and policy advocacy The hire coincided with new political winds blowing in Ottawa The CCAArsquos full-time public
safety program was born
Relationships already in existence were strength-ened new ones were made and the CCAA intensified its advocacy with politi-cians stakeholders and other decision makers In addition the CCAA courted media attention recogniz-ing the opportunity to get our message out
That advocacy included the preparation of written briefs in support of testi-mony before a number of decision making bodies including several appear-ances before the House of Commons Justice Commit-tee
ADVOCACY REWARDED The last three years have brought success on a number of fronts Progress on the criminal justice reform front is rarely if ever the result of one person or just one organization advocating for
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoMartinrsquos Hoperdquo in Memory of Martin Arnold Kruze From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 29
government Although there are specific circumstances under which the age of consent is 16 (or 18) the general age of consent remained at 14 For many in the child protection
world this has been a shame of what is otherwise a devel-oped and civilized land The fight is finally over with the passage and Royal Assent of this legisla-tion in July of 2008 This is a victory for the many people that fought the good fight and most importantly this law allows prose-cution of those adult predators who choose to sexually exploit 14
and 15 year old children
Review of federal corrections policy
In 2007 the federal government ordered an independent review of the federal corrections and parole system The CCAA attended the announcement of that review and subsequently appeared before the review team and provided detailed written recommendations for change The final report included a number of recommendations that the CCAA provided including those contained in Martinrsquos Hope A rollout of some report recommen-dations has already started includ-ing a pilot project for the use of electronic monitoring on serious and violent offenders who are on parole in communities
(Continued on page 30)
Dangerous offenders Having someone declared a dan-gerous offender is very difficult to do In fact there are fewer then 400 declared dangerous offenders in the country This amendment makes it easier to bring a dangerous offender application for a serious repeat con-victed offender before the court The end result should be we hope the detection and declaration of more dangerous offenders Dangerous offender designation is for life and results in indefinite lock-up of the offender with periodic judicial reviews
Community protection orders
Also known as ldquoSection 810rdquo orders they allow the state to monitor the activities of certain subjects mdash no longer under some form of sen-tence or other judicial release but still considered a danger mdash to be placed on a judicial order similar to a bail with control and monitoring conditions The legislation explicitly expands the controls that can be usedmdashfor example electronic moni-toringmdashand extends the length of the order from one year to two
Age of protection For longer than people care to remember advocates have fought to raise the general age of consent from 14 to 16 years of age Until recently those voices have been largely ignored by the federal
change but no one can deny the important roll played by the CCAA in advancing these reforms These are all original recommendations contained in the Martinrsquos Hope report The results as they say speak for themselves and include but are not limited to the follow-ing
Mandatory minimum sentences for Internet chi ld abuse offences
Over time courts have increasingly relied on so called ldquohouse arrestrdquo provisions (see section immediately below) when sentencing offenders found guilty of Internet child abuse and similar kinds of serious child exploitation offences The sen-tences were often way out of pro-portion to the gravity of the crimes Minimum sentences were legislated for a variety of crimes with the net effect of eliminating the ability of the court to impose ldquohouse arrestrdquo
Conditional sentences of imprisonment
Better known as ldquohouse arrestrdquo this measure brought in over a decade ago was being imposed by the courts for ever more serious of-fenders and offences Many violent and dangerous offenders were allowed to serve their term of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo at home Justice and public safety were compro-mised by this provision Although the Bill that finally passed was watered down significantly by opposition party demands the end result was a tightening of the cir-cumstances under which a sen-tence of this kind could be given
ldquoAfter the initial public
release of the Martinrsquos
Hope report in the fall
of 2003 I knew that if
repairs were to be made
to the criminal justice
system advocacy would
have to be acceleratedrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 30
munity committees and inquiries including the Federal Inquiry pre-sided over by Justice Major into the Air India bombing
Moving forward We are delighted to report that John Muise our Director of Public Safety has recently received a Governor-in-council appointment as a full-time member of the Na-tional Parole Board effective in May of 2009 Although this is a big loss
for the CCAA we are thrilled for John and we know that he will bring the same com-mitment to public safety in that position as he did with the CCAA We wish him the very best in this new and challenging role
Much progress has been made in the past three years with
more anticipated The federal gov-ernment has signaled its intention to finish the work it started and attempt a further repeal of condi-tional sentences of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo They have also said that they in-tend on amending certain aspects of parole legislation and moving on tightening up security (including drug interdiction) in federal prisons
As we kick off 2009 the CCAA has the following priorities
Enhanced training for law enforcement off icers involved in chi ld abuse
investigations The introduction of provincial ldquosafe havenrdquo legislation that would pro-
vide a distressed mother who has given birth (within 72 hours) to take her baby to a place of safety (for example fire station police station hospital emergency) no questions asked and drop the baby off The purpose is to avoid the unthinkable mdash dumpster aban-donment murder at birth This legislation exists in all 50 of the United States but has yet to to be introduced in this country
Parole reform In addition the CCAA will work with partners on two parole and corrections recommendations They include legislating breach of parole as an offence for which a police officer has a power of arrest Com-plimentary to this the replacement of statutory release (automatic release after serving two thirds of a sentence) with regular earned parole Both recommendations were included in the final report of the Corrections Review Team and had been provided with others by the CCAA
We at the CCAA believe that much has been done on the criminal justice reform and public awareness front We are grateful for the pro-gress thus far and proud of the part we have played in moving the public safety agenda along
There is still much work to be done and the CCAA will step up to carry on this most important work
Selection of judges In recognition of the importance of the justice selection process the federal government has recently expanded the scope of people selected to sit on the regional Judicial Advisory Committees tasked with vetting potential ap-pointments and providing recom-mendations to the federal Attorney General and Minister of Justice for final selection Although still dominated by judges and lawyers a wider variety of voices and minds is now part of the selection proc-ess This is welcome news I am one of those voices I sit on one of the regional committees itrsquos an appointment we can all be proud of
Gun crime and other victim focused matters
Although outside the specific man-date of the CCAA (and not included in the Martinrsquos Hope report) in recognition of the impact on com-munities and particularly at risk children and youth the CCAA also appeared before the House of Commons Committee in support of mandatory minimum sentences for serious gun crimes and for amend-ments that tighten up the bail system for those charged with serious gun-related offences
In addition several crime victim supportive briefs were prepared for a number of safe school and com-
The CCAA (Continued from page 29)
ldquoWe at the CCAA hellip are
grateful for the progress
thus far and proud of
the part we have played
in moving the public
safety agenda alongrdquo
February 2009
Page 31
higher than its current statistical significance would suggest I would suggest itrsquos about one in four of the men I deal with 25 compared to the 16 suggested in the cur-rent literature If you allow for the fact that many of the men I work with have come from dysfunctional families that have been dysfunc-tional for generations the higher rate of incidence will hardly be surprising
I really had no idea when I started this job that I would have a head-
on collision with CSA No idea at all I was in my pre-survivor life My own past experi-ences were like a dormant volcano Sure some smoke would puff out every now and then for no readily apparent rea-son but no major eruption But as I heard more and more stories told by men in their own abyss of despair and self loath-ing things started to bubble within me
I remember the first man who disclosed to me He did not really intend to He started to tell part of a story and I just knew I just knew What he did say was part of an institutional abuse situa-tion that gained public awareness in the media After that story broke many men came forward as well to tell their story of how they too were abused as boys in a school
Inside
By Geeders (Jim)
W hen I was first asked to write about my experi-ences working in a jail I
wasnrsquot really sure what I could say about it Can I say this or should I say that Was it going to be really negative or show promise of better days ahead And what about me mdashthe new me mdash dealing with issues of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) at the same time as the men I see and work with How the hell was (or is) that going to work Well it is a work in progress after all and one that seems to evolve as I change and as I become more comfortable with my own sense of a new self
Let me begin by saying that there is nothing in this article that would meet the rigours of clinical dissection Equally important I do not work with sexual offenders What I am going to say is purely my experience based on personal observation No scientific analysis can be attributed to it apart from what we already know or suspect One in six men will have been sexually assaulted or abused by the time they are 18 It has long been opined that the number of abused men is actually
setting that was really a cover for juveniles in trouble with the law
The inmate I was working with did not come forward at that time He couldnrsquot His disclosure to me was the first time he had ever said anything about his abuse No one else knew mdash no one He was alone His pain was palpable and obvious His shame and guilt were profound Never had he admitted to himself what had happened in that school let alone admitted to a total stranger until that very moment I listened to his pain tried to console him just let him cry Eventually over the course of a couple of interviews it became obvious to me why he was in jail Any self-esteem that he had as a boy or young man was destroyed by his abuse His very essence was rewritten by the men who had abused him Teens get into trouble but they can also learn to later stay out of it by fol-lowing the teachings of those they trust But for this young man his ability to trust was destroyed by the very people who were sup-posed to care for him nurture him and dare I say it love him appro-priately What was even more tragic is that this man came from a cul-ture that has low tolerance for anything that even remotely resem-bles homosexuality
Being abused sent this man on a downward spiral that ultimately turned him into a drug addict by his own admission a junkie who hated himself for what ldquohe had
(Continued on page 32)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoOver the course of
several related careers I
have seen a lot of good
being done Irsquove also
seen a lot of ugliness
that even by todayrsquos
standards defies the
most common
sensibilities we have as
human beingsldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 32
donerdquo His shame and guilt and culture prevented him saying any-thing about what happened It cut him off from any legal action that might take place and removed any sort of financial compensation that he might gain as a result of his abuse It eventually cut him off from his own family because his drug abuse prevented him from working and supporting his wife and family It destroyed his ability to be a good dad and husband A few years later I saw him back in jail again
When I did encounter him again it was with an in-creased sense of awareness within me Every time a man disclosed to me that he had been sexually abused or assaulted I started to die inside A little piece of me just died every time a man said to me what I could not say to myself or anyone else That dormant volcano started to fume a bit more regularly
Over the course of several related careers I have seen a lot of good being done Irsquove also seen a lot of ugliness that even by todayrsquos standards defies the most common sensibilities we have as human beings It exists Itrsquos around every corner if we choose to look at it Along with the ugly we have the good We have people who are willing to take a stand and come forward to say to the world ldquoWe
Inside (Continued from page 31)
have a problem here itrsquos not going to go away and it needs to be fixedrdquo I had the good fortune to meet many of these people last year at a conference on male sex-ual victimization By then I had been able to learn from the men that I serve that perhaps I too could learn to tell someone Could I be a survivor too
Men in jail are there for a reason Whether itrsquos to protect society while they await trial or from
themselves or while sentenced they are here Whether I think they should be here is irrelevant They are usually at the end of their ropes Their lives are upside down and in turmoil They are frequently in withdrawal from illicit drug use They are in the bottom of a pit from which there does not appear to be an escape or refuge They are desperate and will act desperately
if needed They are angry and no longer have any control over their lives Someone has taken that control away from them They have no choice but to comply Failure to comply results in loss of privileges which can include being prohibited from contact with those they love the most Forced co-habitation with other men can evoke strong memories of prior abuse which they cannot deal with let alone understand It can be isolation
They are alone and cannot speak about their issues for fear of being discovered and further stigmatized and trau-matized by a peer group that cannot tolerate differences or diversity
I have been fortunate in that for some reason men trust me and feel safe and able to disclose And when they do you can see the relief on their faces They are scared for sure but it has always seemed to be a relief I have to ask them I have no choice because itrsquos part of my job But now as a survivor myself I can tell them they are not alone I cannot tell them about me but I can tell them they are not alone that they
are among the approximately one in six men who are assaulted or abused when they are boys or young men I can tell them about the few resources we have avail-able for men which are a 100 improvement compared to what they had when they first walked into my office I tell them about MaleSurvivor and have MS posters up in my office I can tell them that
ldquoTougher than lsquoNamrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 33
Maybe not I prefer to think that I have shown them that there is hope There is life in being a survi-vor they donrsquot have to be held hostage any longer by a secret that was put upon them by an abuser I prefer to think that I have been able to show them that they do not have to be ashamed for being male When I speak with them Irsquom a straight shooter I calls rsquoem as I sees lsquoem I use words they can understand mdash street language mdash which helps them understand their bodies and to understand that Mother Nature made them to be reactive and responsive I tell them that simply because their bodies reacted that their bodies re-sponded while being abused did not make the abuse their fault It takes a while to get there at times But the relief when the penny drops and they realize that they themselves were in no way respon-sible for the abuse is quite remark-able
Just this week Irsquove been working with a man who actually smiled when he came into my office He said ldquoI finally get it It wasnrsquot my faultrdquo He then went on to tell me that immediately prior to his at-tending in my office he had just disclosed to his sister while on the phone in his jail area surrounded by other inmates While it was perhaps not the safest venue for a disclosure he made his own deci-sion He said he was taking control As a 35 year old this man has not been in control since he was first abused at age seven Subsequent abuse only reinforced for him that he was an object a thing not worth anything Relationship after relationship failed him as he con-tinued to relive issues of abandon-
there are over 6000 people regis-tered at MS and that when they get out they will find tremendous support at the MS website I can tell them about Weekends of Re-covery without disclosing that attending a WOR was one of the best things I have done with my life They will know that they are no longer alone And not once has anyone asked me directly about me If they did I could not reply which in a round about way is a reply But I cannot reply Why The institution that I work in can be as intolerant of differences and diver-sity as the inmates are of each other The whole notion of male abuse and assault simply does not exist It is not spoken of It will not be spoken of mdash until now
Because abuse is now spoken of I have been able to create a support network for inmates and for myself Itrsquos a small step but a step never-theless Itrsquos spoken of now at a level never before reached in terms of official support and direction Support has yet to be defined but I have a mandate now to do a better job for male survivors Itrsquos on paper Itrsquos my goal
Safety of all concerned has to remain first and foremost mdash safety for the inmate safety for me With inmates disclosing to me often for the first time I am struck by what happens next A huge can of worms is opened And for what There is little safety here little opportunity to follow up The court system tosses these men around like dice One day they are here the next they are God knows where Have I done something that perhaps I shouldnrsquot have Maybe
ment physical and sexual abuse sexual orientation confusion anger management substance abuse domestic violence self respect low self esteem boundaries mdash these and much more impact upon this man daily But hersquos making a start Itrsquos another chance We all need them
I would be remiss to not mention the support of my colleagues Some of them do know about me and they have been tremendously supportive and understanding They too share a belief that it is possible for men to become survivors I cannot imagine doing this work everyday without their ongoing support I love you guys
The resources I refer to are few the Menrsquos Project in Ottawa The Gate-house in Toronto as well as local sexual assault centres I discovered on my own road to recovery that our local sexual assault centre does in fact offer services to men but does not advertise this due to the fear of being inundated with refer-rals They simply are not equipped to handle what surely lies out in my community When the report of the Cornwall Inquiry comes out later this year it is my belief that it will force our government our society to re-examine how its treatment of boys and men is provided Hope-fully those who are like I was feeling alone fearful uncomfortable in their own skin will feel more enabled to come forward to shed that skin that was put on them by their abuser(s) and step out of the ordinary letting their souls ascend and become free
Vol 2 No 2
Page 34
A History of Male Survi-vor Services in Queacutebec
and First Nations Communities
By Caroline Benamza (dance and drama therapistpsychotherapist at CRIPHASE)
And by Benoicirct St Jean (Director of CRIPHASE)
Contact Tel +1-514-529-55-67 Email infocriphaseorg
Website wwwcriphaseorg
T he latest statistics in Queacutebec show that one out of every six men has been sexually
abused before the age of 18 but there are very few statistics regard-ing male survivors and this estima-tion is only based on reported abuse Most adult men or boys who are survivors go unnoticed because most of the services in Queacutebec are exclusively for women In 2008 the male population in Queacutebec was about 3800000 of which about 3000000 are above 20 years of age (from the Institut de la Statistique) Therefore we can estimate that in Queacutebec there are around 500000 male survivors actually visible within the different health care services justice system and police departments The num-ber is already frightening for a seemingly peaceful society like Queacutebec When it comes to Native American communities as many as 80 of boys have been sexually abused before the age of 18 This number is quite similar mdash but for different reasons mdash to the male population within the Federal or Provincial prisons
The reality of male survivors of sexual abuse in childhood has remained in the dark for years in Queacutebec and it is only in the last four years that the government has acknowledged the necessity of funding counseling services for male survivors Historically it can be explained The first services for survivors have been developed since the 1960s within the very strong Queacutebeacutecois feminist move-ments The women have built along the years a strong network of ser-vices for female vic-tims of sexual abuse and domestic vio-lence Today these services still exist as the CALACS (Centres dAide et de Lutte contre les Agressions agrave Caractegravere Sexuel = Sexual Assault Cen-tres) network for survivors of sexual abuse Due to a strong belief in pro-viding a safe haven for women survivors men were turned away from these services and had nowhere to go Only two survivorsrsquo centres in the Montreal area outside the CALACS network welcomed men but those men represent only 5 of clients
This situation became obvious when the CAVAC (Centre drsquoAide pour les Victime drsquoActes Criminels = Crime Victims Assistance Centres) started to provide counseling ser-
vices to victims of criminal acts who wished to press charges and go through a court procedure The first services in Queacutebec for male survivors therefore came from a strong need in the society In 1996 the CAVAC decided to fund an experimental program directed by Denis Reneacute to offer a support group for male survivors This program was named the PHASE Groups (Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = For Men Sexually Abused in Child-
hood) With the suc-cess of these first groups between 1996 and 1997 the CAVAC of Montreal tried to secure funding for the continuation of services Unfortu-nately the PHASE Groups suffered from the double status it carried within the government the Minister of Justice that was the main funder of the CAVAC refused to fund a counseling service supposedly to be funded by the Health Minister Later the Health Minister turned down the
funding because as part of CAVAC the program should have been funded by the Minister of Justice
So it was in 1997 that Denis Reneacute decided to secure the future of the PHASE Groups by registering them
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoWhen it comes to
Native American
communities as many
as 80 of boys have
been sexually abused
before the age of 18
This number is quite
similarmdashbut for different
reasonsmdashto the male
population within the
Federal or Provincial
prisonsrdquo
February 2009
Page 35
intimacy and sexuality issues) and PHASE Artistique (a 10 weeks art and movement therapy program) with a holistic approach to body and mind recovery
In 2008 the very first weekend of recovery (named PHASE Weekend) was created and CRIPHASE wishes to make the weekend an annual event In 2003 for the first time
CRIPHASE became a full member of the Table de Concertation en Agressions Sexuelles (a gathering of several organizations providing services to survivors in addition to representatives from the Justice the Health Minister and the police) This cooperation allows a better understanding of survivor issues and needs as well as a better coor-
within a non-profit organization that took the name CRIPHASE (Centre de Resources et drsquointervention Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = Resource and Intervention Centre for Men who have been Sexually Abused in Childhood) For 10 years the Groups have survived on pri-vate funding and have provided two recovery Groups called PHASE 1 and PHASE 2 Each PHASE is a 10-week program serving non-offending male survivors over 18 years of age and of all sexual orienta-tions With its first public funding in 2004 of $38000 a director was en-gaged by the board of administration and in 2008 the PSOC (a funding body within the agency of Health and Social Services) fi-nally secured the future of CRIPHASE with a first major funding rooting CRIPHASE in the circle of sexual abuse survivors centres
Since 2006 CRIPHASE has devel-oped a major politics of visibility through the media conferences and meetings with the different actors of the Queacutebeacutecois stage Three more programs have been developed within CRIPHASE PHASE Conjoint (for partners of male survivors) PHASE Sexo (a 10 weeks program of recovery focusing on
dination of services on the ground From within the Table CRIPHASE has been able to educate people on the issue of male survivors and participate or initiate projects such as the Information Guide for Sexual Assault Victims and the first pre-vention mobilization and aware-ness march for sexual abuse survi-vors in 2008 The presence of CRIPHASE at the Table has also
allowed the feminists within the CALACS to have a better under-standing of the suffer-ing of male survivors who are also victims in their own way of an old patriarchal system CRIPHASE was also finally incorporated in the CALACS coordina-tion groupmdashcalled Table des CALACS mdash in 2008
Until 2008 there were no services provided in English (Queacutebec is a French-speaking province where Eng-lish speakers are a minority) due to lack of funding to translate the PHASE 1 docu-ments and employ English-speaking therapists The project
to offer groups in English had been put aside for years but finally in 2008 the first groups of PHASE 1 and 2 opened for English speakers The PHASE Artistique and PHASE Weekend are now bilingual pro-grams
(Continued on page 36)
Phone calls received at CRIPHASE
male survivors
therapists
relatives and loved ones
other
The average male survivor using the services at CRIPHASE is aged between 35 and 55
Vol 2 No 2
Page 36
Male survivors in the Native American
communities Recovery programs within Native American communities are only starting Many Native American men were sexually abused as well as psychologically and emotionally abused when they were sent to boarding schools across the province for assimila-tion The effects of this traumatic experience (including historic trauma) can be seen in all First Nations of Queacutebec Algonquians Cris Innus Abenakis Innuits Micmacs and so forth Today there is a strong need of heal-ing for this lost gen-eration but traumatic experiences and con-sequences have been passed on to the next generations Unfortu-nately sexual abuse is one of these problems which need to be addressed through prevention and coun-seling in a way that will integrate Native American traditions and their holistic ap-proach to medicine Such programs already exist within some communi-ties Organizations like GRIPMA (Groupe de Recherches et dInter-ventions Psychosociales en Milieu Autochtone = Research and Inter-vention group in Aboriginal Com-munities) located in the Huron
History of Male Survivor Services (Continued from page 35)
community of Wendake (near Queacute-bec city) provide a clinical expertise in intervention within Native Ameri-can communities On the other side the Aboriginal Healing Foun-dation based in Ottawa is currently funding 16 recovery projects for the First Nations in Queacutebec ad-dressing sexual abuse addiction prevention of suicide boarding schools trauma etc until 2010
Last year the publication of the five-year funding plan on sexual abuse by the provincial govern-ment of Queacutebec has seen the recognition of male survivors as a population in great need of ser-vices It has also recognized the necessity of providing services to the First Nations communities
Things are changing in Queacutebec for male survivors Because CRIPHASE is the only organization providing support and counseling to men in Queacutebec who have been sexually abused in childhood there is great hope for an increase of funding this year The constant develop-ment of CRIPHASE and the increase in phone calls and numbers of guys within the services (in 2008-
2009 there will be seven groups of PHASE 1 in-stead of five the year before) also show that men in Queacutebec are get-ting the right information on sexual abuse and services and are being encouraged to look for help and engage in re-covery
If you are one of these men in Queacutebec we are waiting for your call Remember you are not alone
For the annual march event please visit wwwmarchevasca (Information for the May 2009 march will be on line from February 2009)
Quilt Square by a Native Child from Alberta From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 37
MaleSurvivor is men surviving sexual abuse in Canada we will start with Canadarsquos sad legacy of abuse of children by clergy
A Brief Incomplete Canadian History
In Canada our First Nations People have had to bear the legacy of abuse they endured in Canadarsquos notorious residential schools Cur-rent issues of addictions and family and mental health problems amongst our First Nations people can be traced back to the legacy of abuse experienced by Native chil-dren in residential schools
Around 1874 the federal government began working with the churches (Catholic Anglican United and Presbyte-rian) to set up the Residential School System as a means to suppress Native cul-ture and promote assimilation In gen-eral children between the ages of five and 16 were taken from their parents and sent to church-run residen-tial schools The extent of the abuse in these church-run schools has been referred to as the ldquoCanadian Holocaustrdquo Recently the Canadian Government formed the Truth and Reconciliation Commis-sion (TRC) as part of the court-approved Indian Residential Schools Settlement Agreement The
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious
Leader By Nancy N Mayer MSW RSW
Partner Crisci amp Mayer Consultation Counselling and
Training Toronto wwwckmconsultationcom
Introduction
L ikely all the readers of this newsletter have knowledge and expertise about men
being physically sexually and emotionally abused Research tells us that abusers can come from any
walk of life and most often are known to the child or adult In the last decade abuse by clergy has finally ldquocome out of the closetrdquo so to
speak thanks to those brave survi-vors who have made public their experiences of being abused by clergy More than ever survivor groups are encouraging victims to report these crimes to the police and to consider seeking civil re-dress for their injuries Many groups believe that change in churches will only come when they are held accountable for the abuse perpetrated by clergy
This article will attempt to address the distinctive issues that are com-mon to this population of survivors Because the focus of this issue of
purpose of the commission is not to determine guilt or innocence but to create an historical account of the residential schools help people to heal and encourage reconciliation between Aboriginal and non-aboriginal Canadians
The notorious Mount Cashel Or-phanage is another Canadian leg-acy of sexual abuse by clergy This facility was operated in Newfound-land by the Christian Brothers More than a dozen priests were convicted after decades of abusing young boys at the orphanage
Mount Cashel Or-phanage closed in 1989 just six months after allegations of sexual physical and emotional abuse were published by the media (For more in depth information see Harris Michael Unholy Orders Trag-edy at Mount Cashel Ontario Viking Press 1990)
Like the US there have been hundreds and perhaps thou-sands of cases of children and vulner-
able adults abused by clergy in every religious denomination Unlike the US our country is not bound as strictly by statutes of limitations so lawsuits can proceed more freely Our sentences for convicted clerical sex offenders are
(Continued on page 38)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Nancy N Mayer
ldquo[First Nations] children
between the ages of five
and 16 were taken from
their parents and sent to
church-run residential
schools The extent of
the abuse in these
church-run schools has
been referred to as the
lsquoCanadian Holocaustrsquoldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 38
nowhere near as severe as those of our American neighbours Most first offenders will not serve a day in jail The civil awards for personal inju-ries are also quite low Our court system promotes set-tling these cases out of court When a case fails to go to trial it is not part of the public re-cord The widespread use of confidentiality orders media fatigue and Canadian reserve means that it is impos-sible to obtain accurate statistics on how often men are abused by clergy or even the ex-tent of the problem in this country
The Authority of Rel igious Leaders Religious organizations have always played a central role in our so-cieties They provide moral ethical and spiritual guidance Reli-gious teachings have given us a context and meaning for our lives Most religious belief revolves around a divine power or God Religious leaders (ministers priests rabbis elders nuns) are thought to be Godrsquos earthly repre-sentatives and are treated with reverence and respect They have intimate involvement with families and children at such vulnerable times as an illness death or other family crises They may have access
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 37)
to confidential information by virtue of their roles of confessor or counsellor A child brought up by religious parents is taught to re-spect these men and women Oth-ers associated with churches mdash choir leaders teachers cantors youth group leaders mdash are also considered trustworthy by virtue of their close
association with their religious organizations Most parents en-courage their childrenrsquos participa-tion in church-based activities believing them to be safe and wholesome
These leaders are considered to be esteemed authorities and as repre-sentatives of God wield a great deal of power Depending on the faith group there may be teachings
that support an unquestioning adherence to their instructions and guidance This makes children and vulnerable adults particularly sus-ceptible to exploitation by this group because they have access opportunity and trust
Misuse of Power Perpetrators can utilize their positions of power and trust to gain access to their victims some-times for extended periods of uninterrupted time They may tell children that they are being asked to ldquoserve Godrdquo or that they or their families will be punished if they do not do as instructed Chil-dren may be threatened with eternal damnation or blamed for leading the religious leader into sin If the religion con-siders premarital sex or same sex contacts as sinful the guilt will be compounded
In most cases the victim will not disclose or may disclose but not be
believed A child will have a difficult time convincing adults that he or she has been victimized The vic-timrsquos family culture or communi-ties have been socialized to see their religious leaders as unques-tionably good and incapable of lies This can lead to others denying or minimizing the victimrsquos experience of abuse The victim is initially harmed by the abuser and then is revictimized by those who cannot
ldquoMay Hope be Passed through Every Handrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 39
institutionrsquos response and lack of compassion and pastoral care
The Impact on Spir ituality
The frequently used term ldquosoul murderrdquo aptly describes what hap-pens when the abuser is a religious leader When the response of the religious institu-tion to a disclosure of abuse is experienced as self-serving and uncaring the survivor will likely lose his faith in the religious community of which he has been a part To belong and to feel connected is a basic human need When abused by clergy the loss of connection and belonging to what may have been a spiritual anchor can be devastating
To compound the harm the abuse may have occurred in a religious building The abuser may have worn traditional cleri-cal attire or may have made religious or biblical refer-ences As a result being exposed to religious symbols music or any other reminder can trigger flashbacks and other uncomfortable physical symptoms
The cleric is often considered Godrsquos representative on earth This gives the cleric power that surpasses his position and status When abuse is at the hands of a minister nun
accept that their spiritual leaders are capable of abuse There are many stories of clergy abuse survi-vors being abandoned by their religious communities (who side with the cleric) and their families who cannot face leaving the church that has given their lives meaning and comfort The resultant feelings of betrayal and abandonment are profound
The Role of the Religious Inst itutions
When religious institutions hold themselves up as ethical compasses and arbitrators of right and wrong society has an expectation that church leaders will act in a fair and moral way Many US Commissions and Grand Juries and Canadian reports such as the Winter Com-mission Report (Archdiocese of St Johns Newfoundland Canada 1990) Child Abuse in Community Institutions and Organizations and Improving Public and Professional Understanding (prepared for the Law Commission of Canada) all record and explain the dynamics that have lead to the failure of religious institutions to protect our children
While it is well known that any institution mdash educational recrea-tional or spiritual mdash is not immune from having sex offenders in its midst the religious institutions have a particular legacy of protect-ing the institution through aggres-sive legal tactics versus truth telling and reconciliation Many victims state that they have been less wounded by the actual abuse and profoundly more damaged by the
priest rabbi minister or elder the recipient of the abuse may experi-ence profound guilt for ldquoparticipatingrdquo in ldquosinfulrdquo behaviour mdash a mistaken belief that he is respon-sible for the abuse or shame that
he has ldquosinnedrdquo He may believe he is deserving of rejection or eternal damnation If he confesses he risks exposing the cleric who has likely done what he could to trick the victim into believing that he must maintain silence and secrecy One survivor describes feeling that rdquoIt was like being abused by God him-self If even God couldnrsquot love me how could anyone else ever love merdquo
These factors alone can leave a man who has been abused by clergy unable to find comfort and solace in what used to be his spiritual beliefs and his church Without these familiar beliefs the survivor is aban-
doned and alone when he most needs support
The Role of Gender While woman are ordained in some denominations there is still an imbalance of power between men and women in many religious tradi-tions For boys and men abused by male clerics embarrassment and
(Continued on page 40)
ldquoThe frequently used
term lsquosoul murderrsquo aptly
describes what happens
when the abuser is a
religious leader When
the response of the
religious institution to a
disclosure of abuse is
experienced as self-
serving and uncaring
the survivor will likely
lose his faith in the
religious community of
which he has been
a partrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 40
concerns of how they will be per-ceived promote silence For the boy or man abused by a female cleric there may be worries that he will be labelled the seducer or pres-sured to consider this ldquorelationshiprdquo as non-abusive
The study conducted by the John Jay Col-lege of Criminal Jus-tice regarding The Nature and Scope of the Problem of Sexual Abuse of Minors by Priests and Deacons in the Catholic Church (Washington DC USCCB 2004) found some very disturbing information about the age and gender of victims The largest group of reported victims (509) was between the ages of 11 and 14 273 of victims were 15 to 17 16 were eight to 10 and nearly 6 were under age seven Overall 81 of vic-tims were male and 19 female Male victims tended to be older than female victims Over 40 of all victims were males between the ages of 11 and 14
The largest group of reported victims in this study consisted of boys who were entering puberty This is a tumultuous time in most
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 39)
young menrsquos lives To have this period of development disrupted can contribute to many mental health problems including lack of confidence disruption of emo-tional sexual and psycho-social development isolation sexual identity confusion depression anxiety and abuse of substances
In Summary The harm experienced by those
who are abused by clergy is profound and multifaceted Some therapists will not want to work with survivors of clergy abuse due to the complexity of their issues their limited knowledge of the subject area possible religious biases and potential for litigation Most (but certainly not all) survivors will have experienced revictimization by their churches or religious institutions This compounded by abuse by a religious leader in a position of power will under-standably lead to unique challenges Survivors will have
significant trust issues that can impede the forming of a trusting therapeutic relationship with a therapist who will also be in a position of power and may be an employee of an institution With transparency and skill on the part of the therapist and tenacity on the part of the survivor effective thera-
peutic partnership can be achieved While recovery is difficult it is possible
The irony is that many survivors of abuse by clergy have a strong sense of integrity morality and perseverance They learned the lessons that the ldquoreligiousrdquo offend-ers failed to learn At the core of their beings these clergy abuse survivors are the prophets who have come to speak the truth and reveal the abuse and the decep-tions It is this desire for social justice truth telling belonging and connection that will allow a healthy spiritual belief system to rise out of the ashes of what has happened It is this healthy spiritual belief that makes many clergy abuse survivors persistent and tenacious in seeking recovery and social justice They are making a difference and chang-ing the world as we know it
ldquoThe harm experienced
by those who are
abused by clergy is
profound and
multifaceted Some
therapists will not want
to work with survivors
of clergy abuse due to
the complexity of their
issues their limited
knowledge of the
subject area possible
religious biases and
potential for litigationldquo
February 2009
Page 41
tion of it earlier in the lsquo90s but 1997 is when there was a critical mass of mostly male survivors coming forward and taking action against Maple Leaf Gardens Your question specifically was ldquoDid it play a role in my choice of ca-reersrdquo
MS Yes
SJ Yes and no The Maple Leaf
Gardens cases were not my first sexual assault cases but my in-volvement in these cases solidified my interest and desire to help sur-vivors
MS Could you take a few minutes to explain to our readers just what the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal was and why it has played a central role in revealing the extent of sex-ual abuse at least in the Toronto area
of my clients will say something like ldquoYou know this is not about the money I donrsquot care how much I get this is about something elserdquo And whatever that person seeks mdash an apology or the empowerment of filing a lawsuit or a million other unique things mdash that is why I do this kind of work Itrsquos about helping people through whatever process they need in order to begin that healing process the moving forward process
MS And also to provide your clients with a sense of justice
SJ Absolutely Justice is really not about the money itrsquos about the knowledge that theyrsquove come forward theyrsquove done something and theyrsquove empowered themselves It takes a tre-mendous amount of courage to do that I am always in awe of my cli-ents for the amount of courage they have They are my inspiration
MS Many Americans are unaware of the so-called Maple Leaf Gar-dens sex scandal that began some-time in the 1960s but didnrsquot come to wide public attention until 1997 the year after you began practicing law Did this scandal have some affect on your choice of career
SJ Actually the scandal did come to prominence before 1997 There was scattered media atten-
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 1)
SJ Sure There was a series of men who were employed at Maple Leaf Gardens which was the home of the Toronto Maple Leafs mdash the hockey club mdash who over a period of a couple of decades sexually abused probably hundreds of chil-dren It started in the lsquo60s it went on we believe until the early lsquo80s There were two principal men in-volved but there were at least three
others who also were ac-cused In order to under-stand why the Maple Leaf Gardens sex scandals are as important as they are you have to understand that hockey in Toronto and hockey in Canada is almost a religion Hockey is to Canadians what the NFL or Major League Baseball is to Americans Every little boy dreams of about becoming the next Wayne Gretzky becoming the best hockey player he can be Maple Leaf Gar-dens was the home of one of the best loved and biggest hockey teams mdash the Toronto Maple Leafs The Gardens was the high
temple of hockey in Canada and still is In the lsquo60s lsquo70s and even the lsquo80s children mdash mostly boys mdash would go to Maple Leaf Gardens usually unaccompanied by their parents because back then nobody really thought that anything bad would happen to them at the Gar-dens The boys would go there ei-ther for practice games or to watch the Maple Leafs play or more likely they would go to watch To-
(Continued on page 42)
ldquoMaple Leaf Gardens in Memory of Martin Kruzerdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 42
ronto Marlies games The Marlies were the farm team for the Toronto Maple Leafs During these games and these practices the pedophiles who worked at the Gardenrsquos would often befriend these boys seeking out boys who were more vulner-able than others most likely and would sexually assault the boys sometimes off-property but most often within the Gardens itself They would use their position as employees of the Gardens to be able to say to the boys if you come with me Irsquoll get you a broken hockey stick or hockey puck or Irsquoll get you into better seats the next game or whatever other type of inducement would be necessary to get the boys to go with them into either a washroom or a training room or other private place where the boys would be sexually abused
In 1997 there were about 50 or 60 cases all joined to-gether and Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Entertainment Ltd wanted to settle all the cases prior to the Toronto Maple Leafs moving into a new hockey rink called the Air Canada Center so as to have a clean slate at the new rink By and large a lot of the litigation was fin-ished before the team moved into the Air Canada Center but not all of it In fact there are probably 17 or 19 cases going through the court
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 41)
system today more than 10 years after the original large group of plaintiffs went through the court and I believe that new people will continue to come forward when they are strong enough
MS I understand that one of the principal plaintiffs in the case Mar-tin Kruze had settled with the owners or the operators of the Ma-ple Leaf Gardens in 1995 and that he signed a confidentiality agree-ment not to reveal the settlement
or perhaps even the details of what had happened to him Do you think that the confidentiality agree-ment Mr Kruze agreed to slowed down or hindered the full exposure of this scandal
SJ I think that any confidentiality agreement blocks public access to knowledge and to understanding so I do suspect that Martinrsquos confi-dentiality agreement did have some impact on the scandal re-
maining hidden for as long as it did Absolutely yes I believe that confidentiality agreements are in-herently difficult for plaintiffs be-cause they create and continue a cycle of secrecy Sexual assault is a crime that is almost always carried out in secret and the guilt and shame it produces is key in helping pedophiles maintain their hold over their victims Putting a confidential-ity agreement on a settlement just perpetuates the guilt and the shame
MS Unfortunately Martin Kruzersquos principal perpetrator received a shockingly light sen-tence for all his actions and I understand that this led to Martin com-mitting suicide shortly afterwards
SJ I would think that the perpetratorrsquos sentence was a part of why Martin chose to end his life yes It hap-pened relatively shortly after the sentencing and I suspect that it weighed heavily on Martinrsquos decision
MS Do you think that the sen-tence that the perpetrator received was a reflection of the then current attitude towards pedophiles and sexual abuse
SJ The sentence that the perpe-trator received was a reflection on the way that the Canadian justice system deals with criminals regard-ing personal crimes absolutely It was a very low sentence in keep-
Imants Kruze visiting his sonrsquos memorial quilt square in the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 43
obtain here versus how much they can obtain in the United States In the United States there is no cap for pain and suffering awards whereas here in Canada there is a very small cap mdash about $325000 If a survivor of sexual assault goes through the court system and even if they have a very good day in court in terms of compensation yoursquore probably looking at an award for dam-ages somewhere be-tween $200000 and $500000 Sometimes itrsquos actually less than $200000 and very very rarely more than $500000 so in that sense we are defi-nitely behind But I donrsquot think itrsquos a question of waiting 10 years to see if we ldquocatch uprdquo I think itrsquos just a fundamental difference in how our court system works and whatrsquos available to survivors in terms of compensation
If you mean that Canada is 10 years behind in dealing with other aspects of sexual assault then you are probably correct in terms of media attention public awareness and outrage Sexual assault is still largely an unreported unprose-cuted crime But things are getting better every day and as more and more survivors come forward posi-tive changes will continue to hap-pen
MS As Irsquom sure you know therersquos periodic discussion about tort re-
ing with what was handed out at the time and to a large extent itrsquos still in keeping with what is handed out right now
MS Are you still representing or have you represented anyone who is a plaintiff in this scandal
SJ I was very much involved in the core group of Maple Leaf Gar-dens survivors that came forward in 1997 I was on what was called the plaintiffsrsquo committee back then which was a group of a few lawyers who brought the litigation forward I represented a number of plaintiffs in the original group that came forward I have also represented quite a few men throughout the last 10 years and currently repre-sent two men in the last group of plaintiffs to come forward I have also been approached by at least two other men who may decide to pursue litigation
MS Dale English mdash who has spo-ken to you at some length mdash has said to me that either you or he or both of you have felt that Canada is perhaps 10 or more years behind the US in dealing with the issues of sexual abuse and sexual assault Could you elaborate on that com-ment
SJ I think it depends on what you mean by dealing with the is-sues If you mean dealing with the issues in terms of bringing civil cases forward to a certain extent we are behind One of the funda-mental differences between the United States and Canada is the way that our tort systems operate and specifically the amount of compensation that tort victims can
form in the United States mainly aimed at capping punitive dam-ages Irsquom wondering whether there is the mirror of that in Canada mdash whether therersquos any movement to-wards tort reform that would allow greater awards to victims
SJ Well there is and there isnrsquot In Canada itrsquos very difficult if not
impossible to get pu-nitive damages espe-cially if therersquos a criminal conviction The punitive damages that are available in Canada are very low A typical punitive damage award would be $20000 or $25000 - usually not much more than that So damages are quite restricted here in any event In terms of tort reform I think there is a global push by in-surance companies to
try to limit compensation whether in the States or here The things that the American Association of Justice are fighting for down in the States are the same things that the Ontario Trial Lawyers Association are fighting for here mdash the continued ability to sue for compensation un-hampered by legislative roadblocks benefitting powerful institutional defendants to the detriment of those who have suffered Ours is a much smaller playing field and therefore less money is at stake In terms of plaintiffsrsquo lawyers wersquore trying to maximize the compensa-tion that we can get for our client Every time we go to court we try
(Continued on page 44)
ldquoIf you mean that
Canada is 10 years
behind in dealing with
other aspects of sexual
assault then you are
probably correct in
terms of media
attention public
awareness and outrageldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 44
to get a higher damage award so that that case will be a building block for future cases There are always attempts to try to circum-vent the cap on pain and suffering damages that we have Itrsquos not an easy thing to do the cap has been in place in Canada for 32 years now It was put in place in 1977 by the Supreme Court of Canada and itrsquos unlikely to be overturned any-time soon Even though from a purely theoretical legal analysis that cap does not apply to pain and suffering damages for victims of sexual assault and sexual abuse the reality is that judges still use that cap as a high water mark even though it doesnrsquot formally apply mdash it is still a de facto cap and to be honest with you it is almost impos-sible to get anywhere near that cap for compensation for pain and suf-fering A typical pain and suffering award in Canada for childhood sex-ual abuse is somewhere between $100000 and $200000 Anything on top of that would be associated economic loss or care costs
MS Itrsquos quite unfortunate that even though therersquos no real cap the law behaves as if there were one
SJ Yep I couldnrsquot agree with you more Itrsquos very unfortunate
MS I understand that in 2005 the government of Ontario convened whatrsquos known as the Cornwall Pub-lic Inquiry Was the Inquiry con-vened to address the issues of sex-ual abuse and sexual assault and
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 43)
the way the justice system is han-dling it
SJ Thatrsquos probably one of the reasons the Inquiry was convened Thatrsquos one of the hopes The In-quiry was convened because of what was going on in a little city east of Toronto mdash a series of allega-tions against very prominent mem-bers of that community involving the sexual abuse of children over a period of many many years The idea behind the Inquiry is to try to figure out what happened and to put in place some recommenda-tions that will not only stop some-thing like the abuse in Cornwall from happening again but will also try to help those who were affected by the events in the first place And to some extent I think some good will come of the Inquiry Hopefully the recommendations will be good for survivors of childhood sexual abuse or any kind of sexual assault The Submission phase of the In-quiry officially ended late February 2009
MS Did you have the opportunity to testify before the Inquiry
SJ I did not personally testify before the Inquiry Testimony was generally limited to the people ac-tually involved mdash police officers vic-tims what not I was involved in the Inquiry with regards to a panel discussionroundtable that they had regarding the use of confiden-tiality agreements
MS As you probably know Male-Survivor was first founded in the early 1980s by a group of thera-pists who were concerned about support for victims of childhood
sexual abuse and although Male-Survivor is still not a very large or-ganization it has increased its in-fluence significantly over the years and Irsquom wondering whether there is a similar non-profit or other group in Canada that also is dedi-cated to helping victims of child-hood sexual abuse
SJ There are some grass roots organizations that deal with victims of childhood sexual abuse or adult sexual assault I donrsquot believe there is as cohesive a unit as MaleSurvi-vor I may be wrong on that but there are smaller more community based organizations that assist sur-vivors That being said resources available to survivors are unfortu-nately pretty limited
MS Is that because there are too few therapists in that form of prac-tice
SJ I think itrsquos a mixture of many different things First of all Canada has a much smaller population base mdash 30 million people as com-pared to 300 million in the United States mdash so you have significantly fewer people affected and there-fore you have significantly fewer resources available to those people The services that we do have will often have very long waiting lists before people can access them There are some very very good counselors in Canada assisting sur-vivors but unfortunately the waiting lists are sometimes long and the availability for public funding to provide services free of charge is somewhat limited
MS Is there anything in your opinion about the Canadian health
February 2009
Page 45
system that contributes to the scar-city of services
SJ I donrsquot know if itrsquos the Cana-dian health system I think that in Canada we have a pretty good public health system in the sense that anybody who needs medical services can access those services free of charge The problem is that a lot of these services are not covered under our health system per se Many are covered under either private plans or pay as you go type services and itrsquos just a question of finding the people who can provide these services and being lucky enough to get them when they either donrsquot have a waiting list or other-wise having to wait until your name comes up on that waiting list
MS And that could takes years in some cases it seems
SJ My understanding is that those waiting lists can be quite long but there are very good peo-ple out there Itrsquos just a question of finding them and being able to afford them
MS Can you elaborate on other differences between the US and Canada that affect the way survi-vors and perpetrators are treated by the legal system and the media
SJ The differences between Can-ada and the US are really huge On the surface Americans and Canadi-ans look pretty much the same dress the same talk the same eat the same foods and by and large watch the same TV but culturally there is a huge difference in the way we look at the world in the
way our legal system works and the way that people interact with one another
Americans are much more litigious by na-ture I think this is due to the fact that in the United States mdash at least as seen from the outside mdash the rights of the individual are paramount In Can-ada less so Canada is much more commu-nity-oriented We of-tentimes think about how something is going to affect others instead of looking at what an individual might be entitled to I think that the high
damage awards available through the American legal system are beneficial in sexual abuse cases as is the lack of a cap on awards which we have
In some ways though our legal system is much better for my cli-ents than the US system would be because of the way that our actual process works One of the things that I know is very damaging to a lot of plaintiffs in the United States is the whole discovery process tak-
ing depositions Depositions can go on for a huge number of days and pretty much everybody in the per-sonrsquos life can be called to give a deposition That is very troubling and painful for people who donrsquot necessarily want others to know about their abuse or donrsquot want to involve their family Here in Canada depositions mdash or what we call the examination for discovery mdash are lim-ited to the actual named parties in the lawsuit The defendant and the plaintiff are examined for discovery or deposed if you will Anyone who is not an actual party to the litiga-tion can only be discovered under court orders and itrsquos very difficult to get those court orders so in that sense itrsquos a much quicker cleaner process and less intrusive on some-onersquos life So that is probably a good thing
The other really huge difference between the two systems which I think does in fact impact on why a lot of these cases settle as opposed to going to court and oftentimes settle for very different amounts of money than they would if they went to court is that in Canada we have a ldquoloser paysrdquo system If you go to court and you lose you have to pay at least a portion of the fees incurred by the other side Letrsquos say the defendantrsquos settlement offer is $100000 If the plaintiff does not accept that $100000 and at trial the plaintiff gets $99000 then the plaintiff has to pay the lawyerrsquos fees of the defendant because the award is less than the settlement offer That is very difficult That means that a lot of cases are set-tled for probably less money than
(Continued on page 46)
ldquoOn the surface
Americans and
Canadians look pretty
much the same hellip but
culturally there is a
huge difference in the
way we look at the
world in the way our
legal system works and
the way that people
interact with one
anotherldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 46
MS I join you in that hope Any-thing that can advance the cause of not only helping people but also helping prevent further abuses is always going to be welcome If you could set forth a vision of how you would like to see the law and the therapeutic community in Canada evolve to handle matters of child-
hood sexual abuse and sexual assault mdash if you could influence the reform of institu-tions what would your vision be
SJ Oh Richard Wow Well first and foremost I would love to raise public aware-ness of this issue for various reasons I think that increased public awareness will not necessarily reduce the instances of abuse but will help improve how abuse is dealt with when itrsquos ongoing and after-wards Itrsquos very im-portant that when a child is hurt that
child knows that he can go to peo-ple for help and support All too often if kids get up enough cour-age to tell someone the reaction they get is not very positive I think that with increased public aware-ness hopefully people will under-stand that there are ways to deal with this that will decrease the amount of harm so public aware-ness is paramount
I would like the legal system to raise compensation awards for sur-
turning point in bringing to the publicrsquos attention that the sexual assault of children can happen does happen and itrsquos a very diffi-cult thing for anyone to go through whether theyrsquore little boys or grown men that were abused as children It brought childhood sex-ual abuse out of the shadows to a certain extent The scandal still garners media attention as new survivors come forward but not the same as it did 10 years ago
MS Would you say that the lack of inves-tigative reporting is a cultural phenomenon or is it that the news-papers donrsquot feel they have that role
SJ Oh no Canadian newspapers do feel that they have a role in investigating things but for whatever rea-son sexual abuse of children has not been a priority The Cana-dian media really has not been at the forefront of this issue the way the media in the United States has been and I think that is tremen-dously disappointing The lack of media attention means that we arenrsquot fostering the awareness within the public that we need in order to provide real help and ser-vices for survivors We need the mediarsquos help to bring this horrific crime to light and to help stop it from happening
they would get if they went to court because that risk of going to court and not getting at least the amount of the original offer weighs heavily on everyone Our system is designed and geared toward avoid-ing trials which can be good be-cause nobody really wants to go through a trial but can be bad be-cause people become very intimi-dated by the prospect of losing or not getting as much as the settle-ment offer and being indebted to the defendant for a lot of money Thatrsquos a scary scary thing to go through
With regards to the media the US has a media that by and large has helped out a lot with sexual abuse cases The whole issue of clergy abuse really started with investiga-tive reporting by the Boston Globe right
MS Right
SJ They really took that issue and just ran with it Here in Canada we really havenrsquot had the same kind of investigative media cover-age as yoursquove had which is why events like the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal are not as huge as they are down in the States
Before Martin Kruze committed sui-cide the media was only somewhat interested in the Maple Leaf Gar-dens scandal Martin Kruze was a figure because he had sued the Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Com-plex But after he committed sui-cide the media was really galva-nized and that was probably a
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 45)
ldquoThe lack of media
attention means that we
arenrsquot fostering the
awareness within the
public that we need in
order to provide real
help and services for
survivors We need the
mediarsquos help to bring
this horrific crime to
light and to help stop it
from happeningrdquo
February 2009
Page 47
ments but it canrsquot at this stage really happen through the courts
I would want there to be an ability for institutions or perpetrators mdash de-fendants mdash to look beyond mere dollars and cents and look toward healing the person that they have hurt either directly or indirectly All too often in these cases we really become tied up in the legal minu-tiae of things as opposed to defen-dants saying ldquoOK letrsquos step back here and letrsquos try to helprdquo
I wish that there were a real under-standing that these cases are not car accident cases and they should
not be treated as car accident cases My clients are not people whorsquove broken a leg and therefore need X amount of dollars in order to pay for medical services or whatnot And unfortu-nately that doesnrsquot necessarily happen
In terms of the thera-peutic community I would love to see counseling and therapy ses-sions be paid for through the pub-lic purse so that people who re-quire the services of highly-skilled counselors and therapists and psy-chologists can access those services without having to pay for them A lot of clients just donrsquot have the economic means to pay for such services until after they get a set-tlement and that could take years It would be wonderful to see those kinds of services funded the same way as a trip to the emergency room or a trip to your family doc-tor for a cold is funded Irsquod love to
vivors The amount of damage that can be done as a result of child-hood abuse or in fact any kind of sexual assault is tremendous It affects almost every aspect of someonersquos life It becomes inter-generational because it affects the people around the survivor and compensation awards are still very much a pale reflection of what is needed in order to help these peo-ple I hope that at some point our judges and our legislature under-stand that need and can corre-spondingly give appropriate and reasonable damage awards so that people can start to rebuild their lives in a meaningful way
I would love there to be an opportunity within our civil system for more than just compensation At this stage the only thing that a civil judge can do is award monetary compensation There are a lot of creative things that you can do within a settlement that are not purely fi-nancial that can give a lot of sol-ace to someone who has been abused whether that be in the form of some non-financial healing whether it be in the form of a situation where somebody can con-front their abuser if thatrsquos what they wish to do in a safe setting or whether itrsquos the ability for that sur-vivor to do something outside of pure simple dollars and put for-ward some sort of healing plan that is as individual as they are That can happen through settle-
be able to see that I think that that would go a long way to helping people earlier rather than later
Ultimately I wish that this situation didnrsquot exist anymore and I would be put out of business frankly
MS Well I can certainly sympa-thize with the way you feel but it would seem that you have a career ahead of you dealing with this problem
SJ Unfortunately I think you are right I think that instances of child-hood sexual abuse are not neces-sarily going down I think that insti-tutions are getting a little bit better at putting in place policies and sometimes even following their own policies to stop pedophiles from entering those institutions and preying on people that those insti-tutions are theoretically set up to serve but I think that as long as the problem of childhood sexual abuse is with us I will be out there trying to help anybody that I can
MS Is there anything else yoursquod like to say to our readers
SJ I think that organizations such as MaleSurvivor are imperative in helping people understand that they are not alone that itrsquos not their fault and there are ways to get help So hats off to an organi-zation such as yours The clients I have who are involved in your or-ganization are very very well served so I have to thank you for being a resource
MS Thank you very much for your kind comments and for your time Simona
ldquoUltimately I wish that
this situation didnrsquot exist
anymore and I would be
put out of business
franklyrdquo
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-
Vol 2 No 2
Page 6
By Richard Cleverly
O n a cold October morning in 1997 Martin Kruze a courageous young man
who had been an inspiration to thousands of sexually abused Cana-dian men leapt to his death from Torontorsquos Bloor Street Viaduct Three days earlier his abuser of many years (and the sexual abuser of many other boys) Gordon Stuck-less had been sentenced to two years plus a day for his crimes mdash a mere slap on the wrist and more
than Martin could bear
Eight months ear-lier 35 year old Martin Kruze went public with his harrow-ing story of his sexual abuse most
of which occurred between 1975 and 1982 in Canadarsquos high temple of hockey Torontorsquos Maple Leaf Gardens In 1993 Martin sued Ma-ple Leaf Sports and Entertainment the operator of the Gardens which settled with him for $60000 in re-turn for his silence about what had happened to him and others at the Gardens
Four years later and a month after another hockey-related story of sexual abuse broke in the national media Martin decided to end his silence Martinrsquos story galvanized the media and shocked and out-
raged the Canadian public as no other revelation of sexual abuse had In the months that followed Martin used his ldquocelebrityrdquo to begin working to help his fellow survi-vors many of whom still credit him with helping save their lives But tragically his good works and the adulation he received did little to alleviate the terrible pain and suffering the rage and self-hatred and the profound despair that had led him to attempt sui-cide several times previously
A few months before his death Martin visited Michael Irving PhD the creator of the wonderful Child Abuse Survivor Monument in To-ronto Martin wanted to contribute his own ldquoquilt squarerdquo to the Monu-ment and arranged to work on it that fall Martin died before he could make his contribution how-ever with the assistance of Martinrsquos brothers Dr Irving made a death cast of Martinrsquos hand and sculpted a portrait of Martin from the family photo above His father Imants Kruze named the finished work ldquoMartinrsquos Hoperdquo which later be-came the title of a policy document published by the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness recommend-ing comprehensive reform of the criminal justice system (see page 28)
I have chosen to grace this publica-tion with several images of the beautiful and poignant bronzed quilt squares from the Monument
Although Martinrsquos tragic story did much to help raise awareness of male sexual abuse and assault in Canada and prepare the ground for reforms much work remains to create an integrated system of care for abused men The contributors to this special Canadian issue of the MaleSurvivor newsletter ndash care providers and advocates attorney Simona Jellinek who seeks justice for survivors and the men who tell their stories ndash share a common goal of advancing the cause of boys and men who have suffered so much at the hands of predators including First Nations people who were vic-tims of the ldquoCanadian Holocaustrdquo (see page 37)
I extend my deepest gratitude to you all
Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze
Richard Cleverly
Martin Kruze
February 2009
Page 7
serve as the screaming voice that every survivor wished he had pos-sessed to call for someone to enter the room and stop the abuse We have just scratched the surface in this effort to respond to the men of Canada So much more is needed and networking is at the center of any successful effort I would ask all our Canadian readers to contact one of these contributors and ask what you could do in this most worthy endeavor And take heart because when all the dots are connected a picture appears It is the picture of compassion and hope It is a picture of many pic-tures and they all have names And theyrsquore waiting for you
Connecting the Dots (Continued from page 5)
reclaim onersquos life and the free-dom to thrive and not simply exist
Being with other men who will absolutely provide support to one another no matter how different they may be in terms of history esteem country of origin abuse history masculin-ityfemininity or sexual orienta-tion and
Being in a safe enough space to speak to move to sing to breathe deeply to create with or without formal artistic train-ing to listen and to connect
Our next weekend mdash March 27-29 mdash will take place at the Sequoia Re-treat Center in Ben Lomond Cali-
Warm Welcome (Continued from page 2)
fornia nestled in the redwood madrone and tan oak forest of the Santa Cruz Mountains As of the third week of February we have 21 registrants with room for 28 I am not sure how many spaces will be available when you receive this so if you are interested jump in fast And if you are too late remember we have three more Level One weekends this year Dahlonega outside of Atlanta May 15-17 Hope Springs in SW Ohio Oct 23-25 and then our yet to be an-nounced weekend in Canada For those of you who are alumni you have already received our first sur-vey to help us plan the Advanced Weekend (open to any man who has attended a Level One WOR) slated for the beautiful Alta Lodge in Alta Utah outside of Salt Lake City September 11-13
Weekend of Recovery 27 at Mysthaven November 2008
Vol 2 No 2
Page 8
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Sexual assault will always be an individual experience however I think we have all witnessed via the media that when a man comes forward with his experience of sexual abuse it often uncovers a mother lode of hidden institutional
or multiple abuses Boy Scouts churches training schools private schools sports teams all flooding our TV screens and our minds with the troubling stories of scores of men abused over decades I hesi-tate to speculate that the next big exposure of institutionalized abuse will be the reporting of psychiat-ric hospitals That
exposeacute must wait for those institu-tionally traumatized men and women to find their courage and their voices
It has been my experience that pockets of expertise develop in different areas of our country and those victims of abuse fortunate enough to be able to access those resources benefit greatly Beyond those resourced areas men are left living ldquolives of quiet desperationrdquo
In 2004-2005 the Menrsquos Project in Ottawa received some time-limited funding to compile a list of thera-peutic resources and programs for male survivors A great beginning but unfortunately resources ran out and the website had to be shut down
At our clinic in Toronto Ontario Canada we run three treatment groups a week for adult men who were sexually traumatized as chil-dren This year mdash 2009 mdash the program is celebrating its fifteenth year
The difficulty in pre-senting a picture of the state of treatment for men who have suffered from sexual abuse is that there is no coordination of resources at any level in Toronto in Ontario in Canada No one really has the big picture There was a conference held in Toronto last year that illustrated that there are a number of won-derful people and programs across the province that are doing what they can for traumatized men
The spark that got our group pro-gram running was a desperate call in 1992 to SASAT (Scarborough Agencies Sexual Abuse Treatment program) from a man who could find no professional government funded resource to help him deal with his childhood trauma In To-ronto we have the ldquoBlue Bookrdquo a listing of social service resources that is the size of a medium sized cityrsquos phone book In all those many pages there was half a page listing resources for men who were either alcoholics or abusing their wives
Reflections from Canada
By Jim Hall
Wolfwood Canada
wolfwoodcanadarogerscom
I was asked by MaleSurvivor to give some reflections on my experience as a therapist dealing
with male sexual traumatisation in Canada
I began my professional journey in 1985 working in a childrenrsquos De-tention Centre I worked with street kids through Covenant House in
treatment classrooms and for the past fifteen years in a hospital-based clinic Over the past three years I have become increasingly involved with
the Inuit of Canadarsquos Arctic dealing with issues of trauma including cultural trauma
In 2005 I wrote Creating Courage Search amp Rescue a manual for people in the caring professions who deal with trauma and anxiety In March of 2005 I began present-ing ldquoInside the Male Mind Identify-ing Resistance and Opportunity in the Treatment of Boys and Teen Guys Who Have Experienced Sexual Abuserdquo throughout the province of Ontario
Jim Hall
ldquoThe mass of men lead
lives of quiet
desperation
What is called
resignation is confirmed
desperationrdquo
mdashHenry David Thoreau
1854
February 2009
Page 9
One of our shining resources in Canada is the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness Headed by Ellen Campbell the CCAA has always been a strong advocate and sup-porter of men who have suffered sexual trauma It coordinated Mar-tinrsquos Hope which was a public forum supported by the Toronto Maple Leaf organization under the direction of General Manager and hockey great Ken Dryden Sadly Martin Kruze who blew the whistle on the Maple Leaf Gardens abuse scandal committed suicide but because of his courage many men found the strength to seek help
Like the United States Canada is a country of many cultures To understand where Canada is at in its response to the sex-ual abuse of males we have to be aware of different culturesrsquo take on the idea of ldquowhether or not males can be sexually abusedrdquo Strange question to all that will be reading this newsletter but I have talked to men of various cultures whose isolation is magnified by the cultural belief that ldquoit doesnrsquot happen to black men (unless theyrsquore gay)rdquo or ldquoit doesnrsquot happen in Indian culturerdquo What do you do when an experi-ence that doesnrsquot happen in your culture happens to you
On my office wall hangs a picture of a wolf hiding behind a tree It was drawn by a man who fought
the good fight and lost The feeling of being ldquoutterly alonerdquo over-whelmed him and his life was lost to suicide The stakes can be no higher There are few fights that are harder What keeps me going as a therapist as a man are the brave men who stay the course who push out the darkness finding strength in the company of other men who also fight to reclaim their livesrsquo potential
As a Canadian trauma therapist I am encouraged that our collective culture continues to move forward This past year our Prime Minister
apologized in the parliament of our country to our native peoples who were victimized by the residential school atrocities which mdash for many mdash included sex-ual abuse I have had the honour to work in our high Arctic with the Inuit There I have found a wonderful culture which wants to heal It didnrsquot begin so smoothly though for me Dur-ing my first visit there
while trying to start a menrsquos group the interpreter said to me ldquoItrsquos really offensive that you should come up here and talk to us about our traumardquo In the subsequent years of working together he and I have become friends
In the north and in the south I find the same troubling story Young men lost disconnected caught up in the world of drugs alcohol and
crime desperately searching for a sense of meaning and belonging Although not all have been sexually abused many have Our young men and men in general lack men-tors
In Canada we lack a coordinating organization mdash a rdquoCentre of Excel-lencerdquo mdash that would address the issues specific to traumatized men and could provide research leader-ship and treatment We didnrsquot start using seatbelts in Canada until the government said we had to I be-lieve the shame and embarrass-ment most traumatized men feel keeps many from seeking the help they need A Menrsquos Trauma Centre could say ldquoMen can be sexually abused Men can be traumatized If that has happened to you you can come here We can help You need to come here Things can and will get betterrdquo
As a country are we there yet We are not even close mdash no culture no country is But there are more and more men who are there who have fought the good fight and won They have opened their mouths spoken their truth challenged the status quo and blazed a trail for other traumatized men and boys to find and follow
I believe the tide in Canada is changing Doors of secrecy that have been forced open will not close again Our compassion for traumatized men continues to grow The future has some bright-ness around its edges that wasnrsquot there ten years ago
ldquoTo understand where
Canada is at in its
response to the sexual
abuse of males we have
to be aware of different
culturesrsquo take on the
idea of lsquowhether or not
males can be sexually
abusedrsquordquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 10
this was the case It was discovered that those in control of determin-ing what funding went to what had decided it was not cost effective to have a womenrsquos detox since so few women were over-drinking The committee decided to document the need since many felt that a womenrsquos detox was necessary
In the end the committee was able to document the need and a womenrsquos detox was funded in Windsor Ontario What had hap-pened Many women struggling with a substance abuse problem were hidden and misdiagnosed A similar situation exists with male survivors of childhood abuse This problem is hidden and often misdi-agnosed
The Greater Toronto Area where I cur-rently live is a city of over 55 million peo-ple If we believe the current stats and if we assume that roughly half the population are male and if perhaps one in six boys will have been abused by the age of 16 (and ac-cording to some
experts one in five boys is sexually abused) then there are possibly over 500000 men out there who have experienced childhood abuse in my little corner of the world To be fair we know that some chil-dren report and are heard and helped We also know that some seem to have been able to work it
A Dearth of Services in Canada
By Lynne MacDonnell
Private Practice in Toronto Area +1 (416) 996-4050
A report issued by the United Nations states that millions of children are exposed to
sexual violence each year It cuts across cultures income levels edu-cation levels No country is immune from it The four-year study that encompassed 130 countries was completed by Paulo Pinheiro an independent expert appointed by UN Secretary General Kofi Annan As many as 150 million girls and 73 million boys worldwide are subject to sexual violence each year usually by someone in their family circle said the report A 2002 Canadian study showed chil-dren made up 23 of the popula-tion but accounted for 61 of
sexual assault victimssup1
In spite of this recovery services for male survivors of childhood abuse seem to be limited An internet search for services in the Toronto area yields services for gay bi or transgendered men and a group for men against violence of women While these services are necessary and valuable what about the guys who need to deal with the sexual abuse they experienced as children rather than their sexual preference Apparently there is no lack of need since the above quoted report suggests that boys are just as likely
to be sexually abused as little girlssup2 One might argue that little boys are
even more likely to be abused since access to male children is more readily achieved Common sense suggests that one is more likely to leave their male children with coaches male babysitters male teachers ldquoUncle Ernierdquo and so forth than they would ever leave their young daughters This is in spite of the fact that the majority of the perpetrators ldquoreported as
malerdquosup3 It has often been suggested that incidents of sexual abuse of boys is under-reported
If the abuse of boys is under-reported the need for services may not be apparent As an example of this Irsquod like to tell you a short story In 1977-78 in Windsor On-tario my home town there was a detox centre But it was a male-only facil-ity In those days if a man was picked up for being drunk in a public place he was taken to the detox unless it was deter-mined that he was dangerously close to overdosing or had incurred some sort of an injury in which case he was taken to hospital In that same city a blue collar hard working town women who over-drank and were picked up drunk were taken to hospital if it was deemed that they were in physical trouble But if that was not the case women were taken to Jail At that time a com-mittee was struck to find out why
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoThose of us offering
services are not
connected and donrsquot
seem to know one
another except perhaps
for the few agencies
that do work with menrdquo
February 2009
Page 11
out But we also know that many try but cannot ldquoget over itrdquo much as they would like to Sadly we also know that some end up using addiction and or violence and end up in jail or treatment and never report the abuse (I wonder how many men who are in jail for vio-lent acts have been abused as boys mdash but that is another arti-cle) Some end up dead Where are all these men Are they suffering in silence
Free or close to free workshops for male survi-vors have been offered but few men come out Perhaps the adverts for such offerings are not read by these men or their partners Yet invariably when a man does finally access services he reports the difficulty he has had finding such services Is that too a lack of good PR It seems that the lack of information and the lack of coordinating ser-vices as well as the lack of the ability to document the need have all contributed to the situation we face Those of us offering services are not connected and donrsquot seem to know one another except per-haps for the few agencies that do work with men
In September of 2008 the Archdio-cese of Toronto gave the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness a small grant to help me partner with
others to offer groups for men This has been difficult to accom-plish Despite all the emails sent out only one person responded and unfortunately she is out of the area How does it happen How do those of us working in this field connect collaborate and use each other as referrals and consultants
It is a difficult situation
Originally when asked to write this article about the ser-vices in my area I waxed eloquent about how we are all protecting our little clinical kingdom reluc-tant to share information or lose clients But
upon reflection I wonder if that is true Could it be truer that others like me are busy doing what we do best mdash working with our clients mdash thus leaving less time for what we do not do best investigate and find others working with the same clientele Am I guilty of just that I wonder
The next obvious question is how How do we get out the word that ldquoyou are not the only onerdquo to a man who was abused in childhood As we are aware men often donrsquot get help until they end up in some sort of trouble with relationships addictions or recovering from depression or suicidal attempts Or Jail Sadly they donrsquot get help there except possibly for anger management
Perhaps we can speculate that as more information regarding male childhood abuse becomes avail-able more men will come forward but if they come forward we have to have a network of people to be there It is so difficult for a man to attempt to get help mdash even more difficult if he finds places he has reached out to turn him away because they donrsquot how to help him or where to send him
Irsquove attempted in my limited way to get the message out that men need to know that they are not alone that six out of 10 boys have been or will be abused by age 18 that healing is possible and healing is a private issue Men need not suffer in silence and can stop past abuse from damaging their lives just as MaleSurvivor has helped The trouble seems to be that those who read this are not those who need to read it Too many ques-tions and not enough answers
My only plan at this point is to send the link for this edition of the newsletter highlighting Canada to everyone I can find in the hopes that somehow we service providers can have a conference workshop meeting or whatever to find each other and start working on getting the message out that we are here and we know something about how to help
Endnotes
sup1 UN report reveals ldquoshockingrdquo levels of violence against children
sup2 See httpwwwjimhoppercommale-ab
sup3 This is a discussion for another occasion
ldquoThe Cycle Stoppedrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 12
My Journey to MaleSurvivor
By Rob Hawkings MA
I was asked a few weeks ago if I would write an article for the MaleSurvivor newsletter telling
the story of how I came to be in-volved in working with male survi-vors most recently as the newest member of the Weekends of Recov-ery leadership team My initial reaction was an enthusiastic ldquoNo problem great ideardquo And I do think it is a great idea I remember back to about 1989 when I attended mdash as a par-ticipant mdash my first therapeutic weekend for men who had ex-perienced childhood sexual abuse how difficult it was to trust anyone enough mdash par-ticularly male author-ity figures mdash to talk openly about my experience and feelings and how much easier it was after the leaders had modeled appropriate trust and self-disclosure I see this autobio-graphical article as an opportunity to begin to earn your trust
A few days later it hit me that what I had undertaken was not a one-to-one direct personal exchange or confined to a self-help setting or therapy group or retreat it was go-ing to be published on the Inter-net mdash for anyone to read mdash forever After 21 years of personal recovery
including almost 20 years as a counselor and psychotherapist I am quite comfortable disclosing my status as a survivor and whatever pieces of my story will be helpful in therapeutic settings mdash but this is different This is not contained Ah well as I have been told many times along my journey There are no accidents look for signs of syn-
chronicity and take advantage of opportunities for growth So here goes
Counseling and psychotherapy is a second career for me to which I aspired as a teenager a natural choice given that one of my child-hood roles as the eldest son in an alcoholic home was to be confi-dant and counselor to my suffering mother Looking back it is a very good thing I got diverted from that career path while at university Blind to my personal issues and
without the support and life experi-ence to handle my deeply buried emotions I would have made a terrible mdash and perhaps dangerous mdash therapist I am grateful that I did not revisit this career path until age 39 after I had begun a personal healing journey Up to that point I had managed to achieve an appar-ently successful life (at that time I
was in the corporate business world) but addictive behavior and underlying abuse-related issues had progressed to the point where I was unable to hold my house of cards together I realize now that the ensu-ing marital and pro-fessional melt-down was both unavoid-able and necessary in order for the healing to begin
The high quality of the self-help and
professional therapy I was blessed to experience in the early stages of my own recovery reawakened (on a much healthier footing this time) my passion to be doing that kind of work as a professional Organiz-ing self-help retreats led to training to be an addictions counselor serv-ing a year ldquoin the trenchesrdquo of front-line addictions treatment (invaluable experience) and then working half-time for two years as a therapist in hospital-based psy-chiatric day-treatment programs
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Journey Uncredited Photo
February 2009
Page 13
during which time I began a private practice The part-time private practice filled quickly (and became full-time after two years) with re-covering alcoholics and addicts adult children of alcoholics and increasingly adult survivors of sex-ual abuse
It was while I was working that first year in a menrsquos residential addic-tion treatment facility that men be-gan to disclose to me that they had been sexually abused as boys These emotionally charged disclo-sures were always one-on-one and curiously were occurring way more often with me than with other counselors on staff I say ldquocuriouslyrdquo because I was curious as to why this was happening It was only that same year in context of self-help support and professional help that I ldquoconnected the dotsrdquo between my own sex-ual abuse as a boy and the problems that had developed in my life I did not yet fully understand as I do now that with the highly sensitive ldquoradarrdquo that survivors seem to have these men were recognizing in me an empathetic kindred spirit who would somehow relate to their is-sues To learn to help these men (and to help myself) along a heal-ing path I began to seek out any and all training I could find on the subject
In those early years I learned mostly from women in the feminist movement who had been aware of the impact of sexual abuse for dec-ades and were far ahead of men in helping each other heal Much of what they knew and so generously shared was also useful in working with men There are however ma-jor differences and I was fortunate in connecting with some of the pioneers (Mike Lew among others) who were researching and articulat-ing those differences and how to address them in recovery Over succeeding years I continued to gain experience doing one-on-one
therapy with male survivors and in lead-ing and supervising group-based pro-grams for a succes-sion of Ontario agen-cies Along the way I have been honored to serve as clinical consultant for two treatment handbooks on working with men who have experi-enced childhood sex-ual abuse
A significant experi-ence professionally for me was leaving
my private practice for five years (2000-2005) to work full-time as a Program Development Specialist at Bellwood Health Services a 60-bed in-patient addictions treatment fa-cility in Toronto It was stimulating and rewarding to play lead roles in designing and implementing Can-adarsquos first residential treatment program for sexual addiction and Canadarsquos first truly concurrent
treatment program for soldiers and veterans with substance depend-ency and post-traumatic stress (I like the term ldquoOperational Stress Injuryrdquo adopted by the Canadian military which encompasses the whole spectrum of clinical and sub-clinical combat-related stress disor-ders not just psychiatrically diag-nosable PTSD)
At this point in my life and career (as of 2005) I and my second wife (I have been happily remarried now for close to ten years) have chosen to ldquosemi-retirerdquo to the small town of Deep River Ontario about a six-hour drive north of Toronto where I maintain a part-time private prac-tice providing counseling therapy training and consulting in two of the specialties I am known for re-covery for male survivors of child-hood sexual abuse and sexual ad-diction recovery I also ldquokeep my hand inrdquo in the field of combat-related post-traumatic stress treat-ment by working two days a week as an addictions counselor at a large nearby Canadian Forces Base (in Petawawa) which is sending units regularly to Afghanistan and where we are seeing growing num-bers of soldiers self-medicating their post-traumatic stress symp-toms with addictive behavior and substances
Deep River affords us a wonderfully quiet and gently paced lifestyle in a part of the country with beautiful natural surroundings and consis-tently and gloriously clean air but it poses some challenges This town is where I grew up and where the abuse happened There are ldquoghosts
(Continued on page 15)
ldquoIn those early years I
learned mostly from
women in the feminist
movement who had
been aware of the
impact of sexual abuse
for decades and were far
ahead of men in helping
each other healrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 14
My Weekend of Recovery
By Robert L
M y Weekend of Recovery was a phenomenal ex-perience Phenomenal
The more time that passes the more I realize how much of a posi-tive impact the WOR has had on me Since the WOR things have opened up and my recovery is accelerating
Given the positive experi-ence it is hard to believe that I was somewhat hesitant to attend While I was very excited when I first signed up months in advance some personal issues arose by the time the WOR came around and I seriously considered backing out Thankfully I did not
By way of background I have known about my abuse all my life No flashbacks for me it was always front and center I tried to deal with it as best as I could alone I first spoke about the abuse at age 19 telling my first real love interest about it Disclosing my past only to love interests became a pattern for me until I could no longer handle the pain and started individual therapy at age 31 (six years ago)
The individual therapy has been very helpful I have learned a lot
about myself particularly by ex-ploring areas that I did not even think were part of the equation The therapy also helped a lot of the pain go away
My biggest single problem remains relationships or the lack thereof In actuality I have never had a ldquorealrdquo relationship Instead I keep repeat-ing the same patterns of falling for girls who cannot be emotionally available to me who are often
survivors themselves and are often already in a relationship with an-other man Clearly I needed to add something to my individual ther-apy
Over the past six years I have considered group therapy but
could not find a suitable group A few months before the WOR my therapist gave me a copy of Mike Lewrsquos book Victims No Longer As I read the book I realized that I was a ldquotextbook caserdquo and thought that surely there must be a ldquotextbook solutionrdquo (that I obviously could not find over six years of individual therapy) Naiumlve or not I decided to search for a group once again My online search led me to
the MaleSurvivor website Imagine my pleasant surprise when I discov-ered that a WOR was coming to my city I signed up immediately
I was literally the first survivor to arrive at Mysthaven and was so anxious to ldquoget the show on the roadrdquo While wait-ing for the others to arrive I spent my time looking around trying to make myself feel at home It did not take long for that to happen As I entered the main room I was faced with dozens of t-shirts made by past WOR attendees and it moved me to tears I was surely in a place where I belonged
Eventually the others arrived and we began the opening ceremony It was so well thought out Actually everything was well thought out right from the opening to the closing ceremonies I noticed a lot
In the First Person
ldquoI Know I Am Not Shamefulrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 15
of nice little touches and appreci-ated all of them
After the opening ceremony we did a ldquosafetyrdquo exercise in which everyone had a chance to express his needs for a safe environment (for instance I cannot have people touch my neck) We all committed to abide by the safety rules This turned out to be one of the best parts of the WOR because at no time whatsoever did I feel judged or unsafe in any way I cannot recall ever being in such an atmosphere before
We went through a lot of activities and exercises over the weekend Some of these included small groups breathing exercises (grounding) telling our story ldquosculptingrdquo shame busting commu-nity building art and mindfulness walks
I liked the small groups the best I felt there was an excellent fit among the facilitators my fellow survivors and me I had ample opportunity to say what I wanted to say and welcomed all the feed-back After years of individual ther-apy it was great to finally connect with other male survivors in a group setting I learned from my fellow survivors and it also put my recovery into perspective
The shame busting exercise was also incredible It is one thing to talk about creating intimacy it is another to learn how to do it ac-
from the pastrdquo on every street cor-ner mdash and I am finding them a greater challenge than I antici-pated It has been much easier (surprisingly) and a hugely empow-ering victory for me to transform the house we now inhabit mdash where some of the abuse occurred in my childhood mdash into the safest and most comfortable home I have ever known Deep River is relatively iso-lated from the colleagues I have come to know and trust over many years and I take every opportunity to join them whenever and wher-ever I can for trainings and work-shops I am also learning to rely more on the telephone and the Internet to maintain my personal and professional circles of support My journey of growth and healing continues It is not without hurdles and challenges but at this stage it is filled with blessings not the least of which are my two children (now adults) and the relationships I now enjoy with them Life now is better than I could ever have imagined and I welcome the challenges
Which brings me to the present blessing and challenge namely joining the leadership team of the MaleSurvivor Weekends of Recov-ery I have many strong family and professional connections in the United States and I welcome this opportunity to work with a geo-graphically and culturally broader range of men and women who share my values principles and passion for recovery I look forward to meeting and working with some of you
My Journey (Continued from page 13)
tively After the movement exercise one of the facilitators told me that I ldquolooked beautiful out thererdquo I did not believe or understand that comment at the time but I think I do now and it still makes me cry to think of it The comment made me feel that someone saw the ldquorealrdquo me regardless of what I look
like on the outside It also made me realize that I had forgotten how to ldquoplayrdquo I really did feel like a playful child during the exer-cise and I cannot think of the last time that I experienced such a feeling
Since the WOR I have stepped up my recov-ery process I attend weekly groups and keep in regular con-
tact with a few fellow WOR partici-pants I have also bought many self-help books started journaling and increased my time on the MaleSur-vivor forums
I see a dramatic difference in my-self since the WOR I feel more positive and more at peace I can also talk more freely about the abuse and no longer feel shame The bottom line is that I have moved from being a victim to being a SURVIVOR
Words cannot express my gratitude to the WOR team and my fellow survivors I really appreciate the individual chats and felt that every-one was genuinely interested in my recovery Thank you I love you all
ldquoThe shame busting
exercise was also
incredible It is one
thing to talk about
creating intimacy it is
another to learn how to
do it activelyrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 16
high schools were resistant to al-lowing staff members to enter their school and provide educational programs Having a male on staff proved to be beneficial and the program grew rapidly Fortunately mdash and unfortunately mdash the media be-gan writing articles about me and the educational programs Once the Ministry folks became aware a man was on the payroll of the cen-tre my position was terminated I was told that funding was specifi-cally designed for women to pro-
vide services for women To the credit of the crisis centre they had me volun-teer for six months until they could se-cure funding from the local United Way They seemed less concerned about a man wanting to pro-vide services to peo-ple in need
History was being made We became the first sexual assault crisis centre in Canada to open a separate satellite office for a
menrsquos program This was not something celebrated by all crisis centres I was asked to advocate for men but to keep quiet at the same time The program became very successful and more and more male survivors were asking for ser-vices Unfortunately in 2002 the local United Way decided to reduce their support after having a trou-
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
The Circle of Compassion
By Tom Wilken
T hanks to Dale English of the MaleSurvivor newsletter for asking me to write an article
about my experiences working with male sexual abuse survivors in Can-ada As an advocate it seems like the journey of working with survi-vors has many societal obstacles but we are moving forward slowly but surely I often wonder why it is so challenging for Canadians to include male survivors into the circle of compas-sion
In 1991 I accepted a role with the local sexual assault crisis centre and attended one of their training programs On the first day the female facili-tator looked at me and said ldquoyou must be a brave manrdquo I had no idea what she was talking about at the time but I sure do now For the next eleven years I was employed in an adversarial political roller coaster ride that made advocating for men a daunting task Nevertheless I am very thankful for that opportunity I started as a part-time support worker counseling men My posi-tion evolved and included the role of an Education Co-Coordinator The crisis centre found the local
bling fund raising year Since the gender of the clientele was male the crisis centre was unable to top up funding and the male program was removed from the services of-fered by this crisis centre This may sound discriminatory and perhaps even a human rights issue because it is In Canada we pride ourselves in celebrating diversity but unfor-tunately that does not always in-clude the needs of male survivors
Something exciting happened in 2002 Health Canada asked me to update their ldquoAdult Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse - Overview Pa-perrdquo which was distributed throughout the country by the Na-tional Clearinghouse on Family Vio-lence Until that point in time the Overview Paper was predominately written about the concerns of fe-male survivors without any equality for the concerns of male survivors There was some resistance voiced by a crisis centre about a man writ-ing about both genders but Health Canada took a chance and re-quested I complete the Overview Paper that spoke to the similarities and differences regarding the re-covery process of both genders This paper was considered success-ful and a second printing was needed to meet the requests by Canadians This was so rewarding for me and it helped me to realize that there is hope for male survi-vors
Facilitating groups for male survi-vors was an exciting part of my role at the crisis centre Being with men who are being ldquorealrdquo and sup-
ldquoThe Canadian
government has known
for years that 37 of
sexual abuse survivors
under the age of 21 are
male however they do
not open their hearts for
male survivors and
welcome them into the
circle of compassionrdquo
February 2009
Page 17
ple as well The main difference was they responded to their woundedness in a different fashion It is estimated that on any given day there are over 100000 people on probation in the province of Ontario It is also estimated that up to 80 of these folks may have been sexually abused This equates
to 80000 sexual abuse survivors who are on probation most of whom are male We also know that 59 of people in prison are sexual abuse survivors Sadly probation officers are not trained in sexual abuse recovery issues It is interest-ing to note that I work with more male survivors as a Probation Offi-cer than when I worked at the crisis centre When people are not given healthy outlets for expressing their anger it can manifest in less desir-able ways
I started the ldquoWe Want to Knowrdquo project in 2003 which was partially sponsored by the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness and the now
porting one another throughout the healing process is truly a magi-cal experience The men receiving services were both grateful and angry They were grateful to be receiving services but angry these services were not available when they were younger They wondered why so many other male survivors
are not given the same opportunity to heal Seven men from group consented to having their healing journey documented during thirty weeks of group counseling Thus the book Rebuilding Your House of Self Respect Men Recovering from Childhood Sexual Abuse first edi-tion was in the works
In 2002 I accepted a position as a Probation Officer with the Ministry of Community Safety and Correc-tional Services After working with victims for over a decade I won-dered if the adjustment to working with offenders was possible It did-nrsquot take long to realize that people who offended were wounded peo-
closed Windsor Family Forum We were able to fulfill the dream of the seven courageous men from group by distributing copies of the RYHSR book to agencies throughout Can-ada
Millions of dollars are spent in Can-ada for sexual assault crisis centres and other programs for female sur-
vivors These valuable programs for women are underfunded but un-fortunately there are rarely any services specifically for men The Canadian government has known for years that 37 of sexual abuse survivors under the age of 21 are male however they do not open their hearts for male survivors and welcome them into the circle of compassion
In 2007 the Diocese of London Ontario provided funding for my business Hope amp Healing Associ-ates and the Silence to Hope (STH) project was born The Diocese in-creased their funding from $30000
(Continued on page 18)
A Circle of Compassion (uncredited photo)
Vol 2 No 2
Page 18
material to the Ministry of Commu-nity Safety and Correctional Ser-vices the Ministry of Children and Youth Services Victim Services the Ontario Provincial Police and other various other agencies Over 1500 free copies of the second edition of my book Rebuilding Your House of Self Respect Men Recovering in Group from Childhood Sexual Abuse are being distributed to sur-vivors and agencies working with male survivors Lynne MacDonell has received funding from the Arch-diocese of Toronto and is assisting male survivors in central Ontario Her Help amp Hope Project is similar
to the STH project
The STH project was fortunate to partner with Howard Fradkin of MaleSurvivor and his Weekend of Re-covery facilitation team who came to Canada in November 2008 This was quite a treat for Canadian male survivors The expertise of the Frad-kin team provided a
high-caliber experience not nor-mally available to Canadians The feedback from participants indi-cated these men felt truly blessed to be part of this experience In 2009 I hope to write a workbook for male survivors that will accom-pany the second edition of the RYHSR book Ellen Campbell and the CCAA plan to partner with the STH project and provide free cop-ies of this workbook as part of a joint education and awareness pro-gram I am presently updating a Directory of Services for Health
in 2007 to $60000 in 2008 to $75000 in 2009 Thanks to the generosity of the Diocese we are able to provide support groups information and referral services education and awareness pro-grams The Diocese not only wanted us to help males who were victimized by priests but any male survivors
In the early stages we recognized that our communities were not pro-viding a safe and supportive envi-ronment for men to step out of isolation Various agencies were con-tacting me and shared their frustra-tions about not hav-ing places to refer men who were sexu-ally abused as chil-dren It became pain-fully evident how un-educated Canadian service providers are on the needs of men and sexual abuse One of the main focuses of the STH project is our education and aware-ness program and group facilita-tion
As sad as the present situation is for male survivors we are making progress The STH project has part-nered with agencies throughout our area and two agencies from our bigger cities are providing group facilitation on a year round basis We are partnering with the Cana-dian Centre for Abuse Awareness (CCAA) and providing educational
Circle of Compassion (Continued from page 17)
Canada and the National Clearing-house on Family Violence called Combining Voices This directory lists all agencies throughout the Country that provide services to male and female survivors
ldquoCollective denialrdquo is strong throughout Canada but there is HOPE There seems to be an im-portant shift in thinking taking place Several years ago the topic of working with male survivors was not to be spoken about however people are now more receptive to exploring the needs of a much ne-glected portion of the population More men are requesting services and more group counseling oppor-tunities are presenting themselves It appears that more and more Ca-nadian agencies are starting to rec-ognize the importance of including male survivors into the circle of compassion Every time we have articles in the media more men seem to come out of isolation My biggest concerns include the lack of funding by the government If this topic is not talked about and if a safe and supportive environment for men is not created men will go back into silence and isolation This work seems to be driven from the ldquobottom uprdquo and not the ldquotop downrdquo We need good men and women to talk more openly about the needs of male survivors ldquoCollective denialrdquo thrives when good people keep silent Survivors are not living in total isolation they are fathers brothers husbands workers community members and they are valuable human beings
We are proud to join MaleSurvivor in making this world a better place
ldquorsquoCollective denialrsquo is
strong throughout
Canada but there is
HOPE There seems to
be an important shift in
thinking taking placerdquo
February 2009
Page 19
This Boyrsquos Life
By Jordan M
M y life began as any other a happy boy in a happy nuclear family It
was a time when my biggest worry was my brother threatening to tattle on me for sneaking a cookie up to bed I was young and the life I was living was exactly how it should have been carefree and devoid of the messy thoughts and situations which I would soon come to know all too well I was a boy and without trying to sound too clicheacuted I was innocent Pure
My parentsrsquo nasty divorce popped that bubble I loved my family more than anything and the di-vorce ripped us apart Mom and Dad were too busy fighting each other to notice anything that was happening with me or my siblings We were pushed aside used as bargaining tools I felt like a pawn Mom convincing us that Dad was a bad guy Dad convincing us that Mom was to blame Being the third child of five I was lost I withdrew and I stayed as far away from any sort of family situation as I could I didnrsquot know whom to trust
Time passed and things leveled and Mom married again but her taste in men had changed since Dad Her new husband seemed to hate children and he made sure that was known He was a violent man and my family and I paid the price I felt more lost than ever I was all alone in a hell that I was not prepared for Looking for some
kind of calm in this storm I started spending more time with Dad on his farm
Dad had met and moved in with another woman as well and unlike my new step-dad I liked her I thought that this could be my escape I could stay with Dad and be safe Go back to being a kid again Live that normal life I used to have
Not only did Dadrsquos new girlfriend move in so did her brother mdash my new step-uncle of sorts He was great The coolest guy Irsquod ever met We got along he played with me we watched mov-ies we went out we did everything He paid attention to me and I sud-denly felt less alone He was that person whom I could trust He was the man who would help me through all this crap at home He was the one that cared I didnrsquot just have a new step-uncle I had a new friend a new guardian someone who was there for me I latched on I bought his trick mdash hook line and sinker
The sexual abuse began and after the initial shock frankly I got used to it Although I hated it he as-sured me it was ok This is what should be happening between a 12 year old boy and 32 year old man who have a special relationship like
the one we did I believed him All I had to do was comply with his sexual desires and he would remain there for me I was willing to pay that price to keep this man in my life Somewhere in the back of my little mind I knew it was wrong but
I wouldnrsquot tell a soul It was our little secret our special relation-ship Nobody could know but us
It went on for years and for years I grew more and more dis-tant from people from myself and from the world I attempted a few times to get away but there was no where to go Either I live in an abusive hell with Mom or I cater to my step-unclersquos desires at my
Dadrsquos Which is the lesser evil
I went back and forth from house to house each time growing a little more resilient a little harder Time went on and I wasnrsquot that little boy anymore Age was on my side now and I wanted it to stop
Mom did get rid of the mistake she married after a while but soon found a new one and I promised myself that I would not stand for another day in this hell The first time this new guy laid a hand on me I gave Mom an ultimatum him or me She chose him I was gone
(Continued on page 20)
In the First Person
ldquoAlthough I hated [the
abuse] he assured me it
was ok This is what
should be happening
between a 12 year old
boy and 32 year old
man who have a special
relationship like the one
we did I believed himrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 20
been chasing me the whole time and it was catching up
The lure of the big city called me and I began spending nights and weekends in Toronto Attempting to end the emptiness I began searching for ways to fill it I got hooked on drugs became an ad-dict I became hard Mean Nothing could touch me Fear couldnrsquot stand in my way The worst had already happened I thought what I was feeling was freedom but free was the farthest thing from the truth I was trapped trapped in anger and guilt and shame
The deep desire to be taken care of continued to force its way to the surface and take on new extremes My cutting habit that I had devel-
I left home at 16 I figured that anything was better than staying where I was This was going to be a new start for me It was going to be different this time I promised myself that I would make it
I was wrong Again
Life on your own at 16 is not an easy one mdash new city no friends barely any money Schools wouldnrsquot accept me apartments wouldnrsquot let a kid occupy a unit I was alone I was really alone this time It took
time but I eventually managed a bit of a life for myself and was able to get through high school but it didnrsquot come easy My past had
This Boyrsquos Life (Continued from page 19)
oped as a young teen had ex-ploded and I began to brutally beat myself in hopes that somebody would notice maybe take me to hospital Take care of me It didnrsquot work It never worked There was only one thing that worked sex
Hustling made me feel powerful Men would pay to be with me Itrsquos all I felt I was good at seducing men And it was a power that I so badly thought I needed As bad as I was treated the glimpse of con-trol that I felt was enough to keep me going back But all I was doing was allowing myself to be abused
over and over again It just lead me further and further down
The years passed and I lost all feeling I forgot how to feel I knew
A Sliver of Light copy 2009 Timothy Andrew
February 2009
Page 21
only three emotions happiness sadness and anger And it was the anger that consumed me Anything could set me off I was a ticking time-bomb I began to wonder if any sort of normal life would ever happen for me
I was ready to give up to accept that this was what God had planned for me but somewhere inside that messed up 20 year old head of mine there was a sliver of light the same light that was there when I was a child the light that only had to worry about sneaking a cookie up to bed And I knew that that tiny glimpse of light was the real me If I could find a way to broaden its beam I would be able to peel back all the layers of abuse and discover who I really am
I searched I called crisis lines I went to free therapy sessions I attempted to try to understand why I was like I was but I kept hitting dead ends Nobody seemed to know how to help me me a male survivor
Nothing would last The little help I did receive all faded All I really got were programs and information and books and flyers Then I found Lynne MacDonells number I called her late one night She agreed to meet with me and quickly got me
into her mens group ldquoA Time for Menrdquo
The group literally saved my life For the first time I knew I wasnt alone There were other men who had been through what I had been through and they genuinely cared for me It has been over three years
now and it is still difficult Although I have put an end to the coping mecha-nisms mdash the drugs and the cutting mdash itrsquos the feelings that still manage to give me a struggle As survivors we have to sort out our insides Our guts Our feelings All that stuff was ripped out mixed up and thrown back in when we were abused We have to retrain our brains learn how to think how to feel how to trust how to love At times I feel like Irsquom an emotional infant as if my body kept
growing after my uncle abused me but my mind didnrsquot That was the main issue when I finally decided that I needed to be on the path of recovery So I focused and I began
I look forward to those two hours every Monday night because I know I can say and share anything I want and I will not be judged I am safe there I am safe to peel back those layers of abuse and discover the real me who I was really meant to be not this husk of
a human being that I had been living as for so many years
Since joining the group I have finished university got my degree I am free of drugs and self-harming I have a good job and a much healthier lifestyle and I have come out with my secret about sexual abuse
I am not ashamed of who I am anymore It is a long and tough uphill battle and it is still far from over but I know that I have plenty of people helping me fight this battle Our group is more that just a support group We are a family a brotherhood of survivors deter-mined to help each other and spread the word
It was hope That light the real memdashit was hope As survivors some-times all we have to go on is hope and that is why we need to remem-ber that there is ALWAYS hope There never needs to be a dead end That tiny sliver of light exists in all of us you just have to find it
ldquoAs survivors
sometimes all we have
to go on is hope and
that is why we need to
remember that there is
ALWAYS hope There
never needs to be a
dead end That tiny
sliver of light exists in
all of us you just have
to find itrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 22
My Story
by Bruce M
A s I start to write this article I find myself sitting in front of the house where I was
first sexually abused I donrsquot know why I am here but I am Perhaps it is my way of being in control which I certainly wasnrsquot for a very long time It was really not that long ago before I avoided this area of the city entirely mdash never mind sitting on the street in front of the home where I was sexually as-
saulted
I am now 42 years old and have a partner who supports me more than I could have ever asked for I am in love and
although I thought I loved others before now I really know what love is For many years I was so secretly dysfunctional that most people were under the impression that I had it all together but that was furthest from the truth I was a good actor
I grew up in a middle class suburb of Toronto I was the youngest of three kids I was diagnosed with ADD and was given Ritalin to ldquosettle me downrdquo I think that Ritalin was an easy out for my parents I needed more one on one interac-tion and understanding rather than a drug regimen which suited their
needs I clearly remember my pe-diatrician back then coaching my parents on what I needed mdash and many of his recommendations went ignored In their minds it seemed that all I needed was Ritalin
I had very few true friends Most people found my hyperactivity to be too much My mother was a practicing alcoholic (thankfully sober for about 28 years now) and my father was nothing short of physically abusive mdash mainly to my sister and me but also to my brother from what I understand My father had out-bursts of rage during which he would beat me with a dog leash and his fist Once he shoved my head down a toilet and told me that is where I belonged I donrsquot know if many people could appreciate how horrible it was to be told that As long as I live I will never for-get how I felt when he said that
When I was 12 years old I was enrolled in basketball That year I excelled and my team ended up winning the champion-ship This was a great confidence boost that I really needed I had finally found something that I was good at The second year was not so great My assistant basketball
coach was a sexual predator who saw a shy and troubled boy in me and decided that he would look after his own needs This guy was a medical doctor so he knew what he was doing and started what I now understand was a very intense grooming process He talked to me about my hyperactivity my motherrsquos alcoholism and my fatherrsquos abuse As I remember back he brought these things up often while he was getting to know me
After a period of time he invited me to his home one day on the pretence of my coming over to rake leaves Once there he invited me to his basement where he
Moving On
Bruce M
Bruce M during the time of his abuse
February 2009
Page 23
matum He said that if I would not come to his house we could no longer be friends I donrsquot know how I did it but I decided that I did not want to go to his house and that was the end of that I now know that he went on to find an-other victim
For nearly the next two decades I struggled with life To add insult to injury I knew that I was a gay male and after the abuse I figured that this was what a gay relation-ship was like and I didnrsquot want it I lacked direction with almost everything I did For a while I was practically homeless because I was staying with one friend after another putting myself in situations where I could be abused again and again I was con-stantly haunted with
guilt because I was sure that the man who abused me was abusing other boys
Finally one day I came forward and told the police about my abuse They charged this man and I quickly learned that this perpetra-tor was one of the nastiest that I have come across to this day He had deep pockets and fought ruthlessly I was followed by private investigators my friends were approached by private investigators
made it clear that his gentle kind supportive ways would have a cost to me I remember hating the experience This disgusting smelling man was more than repulsive Would you believe that I went back Well I did Most other vic-tims of sexual abuse will under-
stand why better than those who have not been there I wanted to be cared for and listened to so badly that for a while I just put up with the abuse This guy came to my school at lunch and let me drive his car around the back streets I was too young and imma-ture to realize that this was not a kind gesture but more grooming that would give him access to what he wanted Eventually he got an-noyed that I would avoid going to his house so he gave me an ulti-
for interviews and he hired some of Canadarsquos best attorneys to get him out of his charges When I went to court to testify at a prelimi-nary trial he had people there to threaten me in the halls of the court and the bathrooms The criminal case went on and on and eventually to the Supreme Court of Canada for a ruling about my con-sent All in all it has been a very intense process which went on so long that the case was thrown out because of delay He is still not out of hot water because the College of Physicians and Surgeons went after him and I had to testify at that hearing too which is still going on to this day
Last fall I completed my third Weekend of Recovery and al-though I have been in private ther-apy for close to four years and have been a part of a menrsquos group in Toronto nothing compares to the results that I achieved from attending the Weekends of Recov-ery The weekend program and the connections that I made with other guys and therapists have been instrumental in giving me a push forward allowing me to have some happiness and a meaningful rela-tionship which I was never able to have before
Life is not perfect but I can tell you that it is so much better than it was a few years ago and it is getting better all the time
Bruce M during the time of his abuse
Vol 2 No 2
Page 24
nor injury well that was his cue He took me into a medical room and closed the door He examined my knee and soon the subject changed That was the first time that I was sexually assaulted
Over the years this repulsive man be-came my coach in both hockey and baseball He was a central figure at the arena and the base-ball diamond He was the one involved in all the fundraisers and came to be known as ldquothe guy who would do any-thing for the kidsrdquo Most of the parents loved him mdash but not mine He drank with parents partied with them all while he ldquotook carerdquo of us kids
The first time I was abused at the arena I told someone older than I I did so again when I was 15 What was I to do Neither time did the adults take appropriate action and you guessed it everything was swept under the carpet So I did the only thing I knew how to do mdash I stuffed it
Growing up was a difficult time for me because of the abuse and the fact that I suffered with ADHD and anxiety (undiagnosed at the time) My sisters did well in school how-ever I didnrsquot I would work my tail off get a ldquoCrdquo and then would be told to work harder or asked if I
A Victim No More
by Glenn Allan
M y name is Glenn Allan and I grew up in Stoney Creek Ontario Canada
By all rights I should have been dead years ago I am a recovering alcoholic and cocaine addict and I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse I donrsquot want my story to become an ldquoabuse or addiction-aloguerdquo so I wonrsquot get into graphic details or talk about every abusive situation
Please keep an open mind as this is my story
I was wel-comed into a loving yet dysfunctional family in February of 1964 I have four sisters
nine nieces and nephews two great-nieces and one great-nephew My story begins around the age of seven I loved skating and playing hockey I was always told ldquoYoursquove gotta practice to get betterrdquo and so I did I would play as much ice and road hockey as I could and my sis-ters would take me public skating It was at public skating that my abuser first spotted me and as-saulted me I fell during one of those skating sessions and hurt my knee My abuser was a skating monitor that day and when I needed medical attention for a mi-
were dumb My frustrations grew mdash if only they knew that there was a hurting little boy inside But I was a boy who was too afraid to say that he hurt or to cry mdash because ldquobig boys donrsquot cryrdquo I would get teased at home about being stupid or
asked ldquoWhy donrsquot you try harderrdquo
I couldnrsquot defend my-self verbally with my parents because that would have been ldquotalking backrdquo There were times when I would be so angry at them for picking on me for little things and I would think to myself ldquoYou are yell-ing at me for this while he (the abuser) is doing that to merdquo
Talk about frustration and built up rage I was a walking volcano I would fight all the time whether it was at school playing hockey or baseball it really didnrsquot matter why mdash all I knew was I was MAD
Over the years I slowly lost my self-esteem and self-worth I wanted to be anybody but me I idolized ath-letes like Bobby Orr Bobby Clarke and Pete Rose because of their dedication and work ethic Being a class clown I loved comedians (Steve Martin Richard Pryor Robin Williams Johnny Carson) and the entertainer in me loved singers (Elvis) and wanted so badly to be them Then maybe people would like me because there was abso-lutely no way anyone could really
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Glenn Allan
ldquoMy frustrations grewmdash
if only they knew that
there was a hurting little
boy inside But I was a
boy who was too afraid
to say that he hurt or to
crymdashbecause lsquobig boys
donrsquot cryrsquordquo
February 2009
Page 25
like or love me with the things my abuser had made me do
Because of the trauma of being abused I wet the bed until I was about 12 years of age which drained any remaining self-worth or self-esteem that I had left I was so embarrassed And then I had to tolerate ridiculous comments from people saying things like ldquoYou know that you are going to have to stop thisrdquo and ldquoYou are getting too old for thisrdquo No kidding really Did they think that I liked waking up in my own urine Did they not think that I wanted to stop Did they have any idea how their words hurt me Man oh man it was like that all the time They just didnrsquot think before they spoke
Frustrated and over-whelmed in my teens I finally found the ldquofriendrdquo that I had been looking for mdash first name ldquoALrdquo last name ldquoCOHOLrdquo I would be-come a whole new person when I drank booze and how I drank I found a brand new confidence I was somewhat funny when I drank dur-ing the early years of drinking however over time I became de-pressed and extremely angry I would fight in bars on a regular basis Then in December of 1987 I was stabbed outside a bar and nearly died Now you would think that being stabbed and nearly dy-ing would prompt a lifestyle
change or at the very least cause me to take a personal inventory of my situation and myself But not me I wore it as a badge of honour allowing the insanity to continue
It is said that if the drugs and alco-hol donrsquot kill you the lifestyle will During this time and over the years I was introduced to many criminals Their crimes ranged from murder assaults extortion and drug dealing to running massage parlours and prostitution mdash to just name a few One of my acquaint-ances was even a hired killer He
actually assassinated two reputed crime bosses in Ontario and is now serving a lengthy sentence for those and other killings
But I was drawn to their so-called power and complete disregard for the law Looking back on it I guess I was looking to reclaim the power
that was stolen from me by my abuser
In my early twenties I got a job working with Young Offenders as a Correctional Officer With the money I was making I bought a very nice sports car dated pretty women was extremely materialistic and yet I was never satisfied I worked in corrections for about four years During that time I also began my career in the world of entertainment as a voice impres-sionist and stand-up comedian as well as a co-host of a comedy tele-
vision show I had a tremendous ego and unknowingly had be-come rdquoThe Great I Amrdquo
After a couple of years I moved from comedy to producing and host-ing my own sports television program which aired for ten years I had so much fun and I was able to meet and interview some of sportsrsquo big-gest names
In my mid-20s when the alcohol wasnrsquot medicating my pain any longer I turned to
something stronger mdash COCAINE During a span of approximately ten years the combination of alcohol cocaine and all my poor choices cost me most of my jobs many of my relationships and all my money It drove me to criminal activity po-lice charges a conviction and a criminal record But most of all I
(Continued on page 26)
Alone Uncredited Photo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 26
was lost Glenn was slowly dying inside me I became depressed and despondent and I hated so many people But most of all I hated my-self
I had attempted suicide on a few occasions and I really and truly had a death wish I hated myself so much that on Friday January 16 1998 loaded with a supply of co-caine and booze I booked myself into a hotel room with no intention of coming out alive Friday night and Saturday passed with me drinking and getting high on co-caine After having more cocaine delivered to me on Sunday after-noon there was no turning back mdash or so I thought Approximately at midnight on Sunday I made my final decision mdash it was time for me to leave this stinking world I ingested enough cocaine to kill me and then I barricaded my hotel door and ripped the phone out of the wall I lay down on the bed defeated broken sad guilt-ridden ashamed depressed and scared yet so ready to die
Only Divine Intervention mdash some sort of miracle mdash can explain what hap-pened next The police came into my hotel room at just the right time on Sunday night and took me to the hospital Who called them how did they know to come to my room I donrsquot know Well thatrsquos not completely true Today I am a man of faith and as a Christian I know exactly who orchestrated my rescue
A Victim No More (Continued from page 25)
After a brief stay in the hospital I chose to enter the Hamilton Menrsquos Withdrawal Management Centre where I spent eleven days From there I entered an intensive addic-tion treatment centre for a six-week stay followed by a five and one half month stay at a recovery house
I have been clean and sober since Janu-ary 19 1998
I work the program of recovery intensely I was blessed with some incredible therapists who were able to break through my trust issues my rough exterior and my wall of comedy to allow me to heal I also became involved in the 12-Steps and other support groups through which I have found tremendous friendships and men-toring
Recovery is about making changes Al-though my abuser assaulted me until I was 15 years old I blamed him for all of my problems until I was 33 years old I had to change from being a pro-fessional blamer and liar to a man of responsibility character and in-tegrity It wasnrsquot easy however after many tears and lots of hard work life has gotten much better
Over time and through applying these principles I found peace se-renity and forgiveness and I also
learned how to love myself again Everything that was set in motion to harm me as a young man is now what drives me With Godrsquos help today I am able to live humbly honestly open-minded and willing to do whatever it takes to stay clean and sober while doing what I can to help others who face similar
struggles
Today I serve the Ca-nadian Centre for Abuse Awareness as the Director of the Southwestern Ontario office My mission at hand is to create a task force that will be responsible for build-ing a residential pro-gram for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
I am also the Execu-tive Producer and Host of three popular television programs Good News Sports The Edge and Living Clean Living Clean is the only live weekly interactive television program in Canada
that is designed to assist individu-als who suffer with addiction abuse andor mental illnesses
I also host The Glenn Allan Show on a local radio station in Hamil-ton ON Canada
As a motivational speaker my pres-entation entitled Youth Yak Live has enabled me to speak to thou-sands of youth nationwide since 2000 Through Youth Yak Live I
ldquoRecovery is about
making changes
Although my abuser
assaulted me until I was
15 years old I blamed
him for all of my
problems until I was 33
years old I had to
change from being a
professional blamer and
liar to a man of
responsibility character
and integrity
February 2009
Page 27
Male Survivor Groups (MSG)
By Robert Beacuterubeacute Co-founder MSG
M ale Survivor Groups (MSG) was created by a group of male survivors
of childhood sexual abuse follow-ing the death of a fellow survi-vor in Lon-don Ontario Canada The initial objec-tives were to foster cama-raderie and support for one another and also to obtain proper help
for survivors in the London area
Presently our aim is to help all male survivors and also to make our cause known It is open to all male survivors of childhood ado-lescent and adult abuse We have expanded and have supported the creation of groups across Canada and we are prepared to support the creation of groups throughout the World
Groups have been established in London Vancouver Sudbury and North Bay in Canada
Our beliefs
1 Our groups are for male survi-vors of abuse What is said in the group remains there What is stated must remain confiden-
have developed tremendous work-ing relationships with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police Ontario Provincial Police Crime Stoppers local police agencies young of-fender facilities churches self-help groups and alcohol and drug treatment centres
I also facilitate a weekly peer sup-port group for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
There was a time when I thought I would never get married and that no one could love me for who I am Colleen and I met in 1999 We both have similar pasts We both have worked through our abuse issues and are both clean and so-ber In 2001 my best friend and I married and we now have three beautiful children Ashley Brandon and Christopher Spending the rest of my life with Colleen and our family is a dream come true
The opportunity of sharing Godrsquos gifts and blessings with others is truly an honour and a privilege It is imperative that I never take these things for granted
If I can assist you or someone dear to you please donrsquot hesitate to contact me at the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness Ph 905-594-1581 or email glennccfaacom or visit these websites
wwwabusehurtscom wwwlivingcleanca wwwglennallanca
or write to me co CCAA 38 King St East PO Box 66614 Stoney Creek ON L8G 5E5
(Continued from page 26)
tial Anonymity is of the utmost importance unless the survivor has gone public But intimate details of the public person must also remain confidential Confidentiality must be assured
2 We are in the group to heal and to support each other
3 We are male survivors who want to heal and help others in the process We can be as young as 16 or as old as old can be
4 Our primary purpose is our own safe being Secondary purposes are the betterment of services for male survivors and the advancement of our cause
5 We fight on so that we may grow in solidarity
6 We are not a religious group We do use different models of functioning in our different sub-groups Ours is a healing group for more than one prob-lematic issue
7 We encourage partnerships with organisations businesses and agencies that foster the creation of services for male survivors of abuse
We have created a Facebook Group which is also open to FRIENDS who support our cause Our group is establishing partnerships with other male survivor groups in Canada and worldwide You can contact us through the Facebook page or by emailing me at berube55yahooca
Support Groups
Robert Beacuterubeacute
Vol 2 No 2
Page 28
The CCAA By Ellen Campbell [ellenccfaacom]
Founder and Executive Director Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness
A s some of you know the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness (CCAA) is a
national non-government charitable organization dedicated to eliminat-ing child abuse through advocacy education public awareness and prevention programs With help from community and corporate partners the CCAA provides accessible support healing and indi-vidual empowerment for adult survivors their fami-lies and caregivers through over 20 programs Those that listen to classic rock station Q107 in the To-ronto region will recognize us as their charity of choice through Derringerrsquos Thir-teen Days of Christmas campaign
Based in Newmarket On-tario the CCAA is an active and vibrant organization that in addition to its variety of program offer-ings is also involved in public safety advocacy That advo-cacy started with the early release from prison of one of the perpetra-tors in the Maple Leaf Gardensrsquo child sex abuse scandal Many surviving victims were traumatized again this time by the system The
CCAA went public with its concerns that day and the public safety advocacy program was born
Later the CCAA wrote a sweeping report titled Martinrsquos Hope named in memory of Martin Kruze (the first victim to courageously go public with the story of his abuse at the Gardens and who later tragi-cally took his own life) that made 60 recommendations for legislative and policy change to the criminal justice system These recommenda-tions were gleaned from round-
table discussions with over 150 front-line criminal justice system professionals crime victims and survivors To this day members of the Kruze family sit on the CCAA Board of Directors
After the initial public release of the Martinrsquos Hope report in the fall of 2003 I knew that if repairs were to be made to the criminal justice system advocacy would have to be accelerated That advocacy began in earnest in early 2006 with the hiring of John Muise a volunteer with the CCAA and previously a Toronto police officer with signifi-cant experience in legislative and policy advocacy The hire coincided with new political winds blowing in Ottawa The CCAArsquos full-time public
safety program was born
Relationships already in existence were strength-ened new ones were made and the CCAA intensified its advocacy with politi-cians stakeholders and other decision makers In addition the CCAA courted media attention recogniz-ing the opportunity to get our message out
That advocacy included the preparation of written briefs in support of testi-mony before a number of decision making bodies including several appear-ances before the House of Commons Justice Commit-tee
ADVOCACY REWARDED The last three years have brought success on a number of fronts Progress on the criminal justice reform front is rarely if ever the result of one person or just one organization advocating for
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoMartinrsquos Hoperdquo in Memory of Martin Arnold Kruze From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 29
government Although there are specific circumstances under which the age of consent is 16 (or 18) the general age of consent remained at 14 For many in the child protection
world this has been a shame of what is otherwise a devel-oped and civilized land The fight is finally over with the passage and Royal Assent of this legisla-tion in July of 2008 This is a victory for the many people that fought the good fight and most importantly this law allows prose-cution of those adult predators who choose to sexually exploit 14
and 15 year old children
Review of federal corrections policy
In 2007 the federal government ordered an independent review of the federal corrections and parole system The CCAA attended the announcement of that review and subsequently appeared before the review team and provided detailed written recommendations for change The final report included a number of recommendations that the CCAA provided including those contained in Martinrsquos Hope A rollout of some report recommen-dations has already started includ-ing a pilot project for the use of electronic monitoring on serious and violent offenders who are on parole in communities
(Continued on page 30)
Dangerous offenders Having someone declared a dan-gerous offender is very difficult to do In fact there are fewer then 400 declared dangerous offenders in the country This amendment makes it easier to bring a dangerous offender application for a serious repeat con-victed offender before the court The end result should be we hope the detection and declaration of more dangerous offenders Dangerous offender designation is for life and results in indefinite lock-up of the offender with periodic judicial reviews
Community protection orders
Also known as ldquoSection 810rdquo orders they allow the state to monitor the activities of certain subjects mdash no longer under some form of sen-tence or other judicial release but still considered a danger mdash to be placed on a judicial order similar to a bail with control and monitoring conditions The legislation explicitly expands the controls that can be usedmdashfor example electronic moni-toringmdashand extends the length of the order from one year to two
Age of protection For longer than people care to remember advocates have fought to raise the general age of consent from 14 to 16 years of age Until recently those voices have been largely ignored by the federal
change but no one can deny the important roll played by the CCAA in advancing these reforms These are all original recommendations contained in the Martinrsquos Hope report The results as they say speak for themselves and include but are not limited to the follow-ing
Mandatory minimum sentences for Internet chi ld abuse offences
Over time courts have increasingly relied on so called ldquohouse arrestrdquo provisions (see section immediately below) when sentencing offenders found guilty of Internet child abuse and similar kinds of serious child exploitation offences The sen-tences were often way out of pro-portion to the gravity of the crimes Minimum sentences were legislated for a variety of crimes with the net effect of eliminating the ability of the court to impose ldquohouse arrestrdquo
Conditional sentences of imprisonment
Better known as ldquohouse arrestrdquo this measure brought in over a decade ago was being imposed by the courts for ever more serious of-fenders and offences Many violent and dangerous offenders were allowed to serve their term of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo at home Justice and public safety were compro-mised by this provision Although the Bill that finally passed was watered down significantly by opposition party demands the end result was a tightening of the cir-cumstances under which a sen-tence of this kind could be given
ldquoAfter the initial public
release of the Martinrsquos
Hope report in the fall
of 2003 I knew that if
repairs were to be made
to the criminal justice
system advocacy would
have to be acceleratedrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 30
munity committees and inquiries including the Federal Inquiry pre-sided over by Justice Major into the Air India bombing
Moving forward We are delighted to report that John Muise our Director of Public Safety has recently received a Governor-in-council appointment as a full-time member of the Na-tional Parole Board effective in May of 2009 Although this is a big loss
for the CCAA we are thrilled for John and we know that he will bring the same com-mitment to public safety in that position as he did with the CCAA We wish him the very best in this new and challenging role
Much progress has been made in the past three years with
more anticipated The federal gov-ernment has signaled its intention to finish the work it started and attempt a further repeal of condi-tional sentences of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo They have also said that they in-tend on amending certain aspects of parole legislation and moving on tightening up security (including drug interdiction) in federal prisons
As we kick off 2009 the CCAA has the following priorities
Enhanced training for law enforcement off icers involved in chi ld abuse
investigations The introduction of provincial ldquosafe havenrdquo legislation that would pro-
vide a distressed mother who has given birth (within 72 hours) to take her baby to a place of safety (for example fire station police station hospital emergency) no questions asked and drop the baby off The purpose is to avoid the unthinkable mdash dumpster aban-donment murder at birth This legislation exists in all 50 of the United States but has yet to to be introduced in this country
Parole reform In addition the CCAA will work with partners on two parole and corrections recommendations They include legislating breach of parole as an offence for which a police officer has a power of arrest Com-plimentary to this the replacement of statutory release (automatic release after serving two thirds of a sentence) with regular earned parole Both recommendations were included in the final report of the Corrections Review Team and had been provided with others by the CCAA
We at the CCAA believe that much has been done on the criminal justice reform and public awareness front We are grateful for the pro-gress thus far and proud of the part we have played in moving the public safety agenda along
There is still much work to be done and the CCAA will step up to carry on this most important work
Selection of judges In recognition of the importance of the justice selection process the federal government has recently expanded the scope of people selected to sit on the regional Judicial Advisory Committees tasked with vetting potential ap-pointments and providing recom-mendations to the federal Attorney General and Minister of Justice for final selection Although still dominated by judges and lawyers a wider variety of voices and minds is now part of the selection proc-ess This is welcome news I am one of those voices I sit on one of the regional committees itrsquos an appointment we can all be proud of
Gun crime and other victim focused matters
Although outside the specific man-date of the CCAA (and not included in the Martinrsquos Hope report) in recognition of the impact on com-munities and particularly at risk children and youth the CCAA also appeared before the House of Commons Committee in support of mandatory minimum sentences for serious gun crimes and for amend-ments that tighten up the bail system for those charged with serious gun-related offences
In addition several crime victim supportive briefs were prepared for a number of safe school and com-
The CCAA (Continued from page 29)
ldquoWe at the CCAA hellip are
grateful for the progress
thus far and proud of
the part we have played
in moving the public
safety agenda alongrdquo
February 2009
Page 31
higher than its current statistical significance would suggest I would suggest itrsquos about one in four of the men I deal with 25 compared to the 16 suggested in the cur-rent literature If you allow for the fact that many of the men I work with have come from dysfunctional families that have been dysfunc-tional for generations the higher rate of incidence will hardly be surprising
I really had no idea when I started this job that I would have a head-
on collision with CSA No idea at all I was in my pre-survivor life My own past experi-ences were like a dormant volcano Sure some smoke would puff out every now and then for no readily apparent rea-son but no major eruption But as I heard more and more stories told by men in their own abyss of despair and self loath-ing things started to bubble within me
I remember the first man who disclosed to me He did not really intend to He started to tell part of a story and I just knew I just knew What he did say was part of an institutional abuse situa-tion that gained public awareness in the media After that story broke many men came forward as well to tell their story of how they too were abused as boys in a school
Inside
By Geeders (Jim)
W hen I was first asked to write about my experi-ences working in a jail I
wasnrsquot really sure what I could say about it Can I say this or should I say that Was it going to be really negative or show promise of better days ahead And what about me mdashthe new me mdash dealing with issues of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) at the same time as the men I see and work with How the hell was (or is) that going to work Well it is a work in progress after all and one that seems to evolve as I change and as I become more comfortable with my own sense of a new self
Let me begin by saying that there is nothing in this article that would meet the rigours of clinical dissection Equally important I do not work with sexual offenders What I am going to say is purely my experience based on personal observation No scientific analysis can be attributed to it apart from what we already know or suspect One in six men will have been sexually assaulted or abused by the time they are 18 It has long been opined that the number of abused men is actually
setting that was really a cover for juveniles in trouble with the law
The inmate I was working with did not come forward at that time He couldnrsquot His disclosure to me was the first time he had ever said anything about his abuse No one else knew mdash no one He was alone His pain was palpable and obvious His shame and guilt were profound Never had he admitted to himself what had happened in that school let alone admitted to a total stranger until that very moment I listened to his pain tried to console him just let him cry Eventually over the course of a couple of interviews it became obvious to me why he was in jail Any self-esteem that he had as a boy or young man was destroyed by his abuse His very essence was rewritten by the men who had abused him Teens get into trouble but they can also learn to later stay out of it by fol-lowing the teachings of those they trust But for this young man his ability to trust was destroyed by the very people who were sup-posed to care for him nurture him and dare I say it love him appro-priately What was even more tragic is that this man came from a cul-ture that has low tolerance for anything that even remotely resem-bles homosexuality
Being abused sent this man on a downward spiral that ultimately turned him into a drug addict by his own admission a junkie who hated himself for what ldquohe had
(Continued on page 32)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoOver the course of
several related careers I
have seen a lot of good
being done Irsquove also
seen a lot of ugliness
that even by todayrsquos
standards defies the
most common
sensibilities we have as
human beingsldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 32
donerdquo His shame and guilt and culture prevented him saying any-thing about what happened It cut him off from any legal action that might take place and removed any sort of financial compensation that he might gain as a result of his abuse It eventually cut him off from his own family because his drug abuse prevented him from working and supporting his wife and family It destroyed his ability to be a good dad and husband A few years later I saw him back in jail again
When I did encounter him again it was with an in-creased sense of awareness within me Every time a man disclosed to me that he had been sexually abused or assaulted I started to die inside A little piece of me just died every time a man said to me what I could not say to myself or anyone else That dormant volcano started to fume a bit more regularly
Over the course of several related careers I have seen a lot of good being done Irsquove also seen a lot of ugliness that even by todayrsquos standards defies the most common sensibilities we have as human beings It exists Itrsquos around every corner if we choose to look at it Along with the ugly we have the good We have people who are willing to take a stand and come forward to say to the world ldquoWe
Inside (Continued from page 31)
have a problem here itrsquos not going to go away and it needs to be fixedrdquo I had the good fortune to meet many of these people last year at a conference on male sex-ual victimization By then I had been able to learn from the men that I serve that perhaps I too could learn to tell someone Could I be a survivor too
Men in jail are there for a reason Whether itrsquos to protect society while they await trial or from
themselves or while sentenced they are here Whether I think they should be here is irrelevant They are usually at the end of their ropes Their lives are upside down and in turmoil They are frequently in withdrawal from illicit drug use They are in the bottom of a pit from which there does not appear to be an escape or refuge They are desperate and will act desperately
if needed They are angry and no longer have any control over their lives Someone has taken that control away from them They have no choice but to comply Failure to comply results in loss of privileges which can include being prohibited from contact with those they love the most Forced co-habitation with other men can evoke strong memories of prior abuse which they cannot deal with let alone understand It can be isolation
They are alone and cannot speak about their issues for fear of being discovered and further stigmatized and trau-matized by a peer group that cannot tolerate differences or diversity
I have been fortunate in that for some reason men trust me and feel safe and able to disclose And when they do you can see the relief on their faces They are scared for sure but it has always seemed to be a relief I have to ask them I have no choice because itrsquos part of my job But now as a survivor myself I can tell them they are not alone I cannot tell them about me but I can tell them they are not alone that they
are among the approximately one in six men who are assaulted or abused when they are boys or young men I can tell them about the few resources we have avail-able for men which are a 100 improvement compared to what they had when they first walked into my office I tell them about MaleSurvivor and have MS posters up in my office I can tell them that
ldquoTougher than lsquoNamrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 33
Maybe not I prefer to think that I have shown them that there is hope There is life in being a survi-vor they donrsquot have to be held hostage any longer by a secret that was put upon them by an abuser I prefer to think that I have been able to show them that they do not have to be ashamed for being male When I speak with them Irsquom a straight shooter I calls rsquoem as I sees lsquoem I use words they can understand mdash street language mdash which helps them understand their bodies and to understand that Mother Nature made them to be reactive and responsive I tell them that simply because their bodies reacted that their bodies re-sponded while being abused did not make the abuse their fault It takes a while to get there at times But the relief when the penny drops and they realize that they themselves were in no way respon-sible for the abuse is quite remark-able
Just this week Irsquove been working with a man who actually smiled when he came into my office He said ldquoI finally get it It wasnrsquot my faultrdquo He then went on to tell me that immediately prior to his at-tending in my office he had just disclosed to his sister while on the phone in his jail area surrounded by other inmates While it was perhaps not the safest venue for a disclosure he made his own deci-sion He said he was taking control As a 35 year old this man has not been in control since he was first abused at age seven Subsequent abuse only reinforced for him that he was an object a thing not worth anything Relationship after relationship failed him as he con-tinued to relive issues of abandon-
there are over 6000 people regis-tered at MS and that when they get out they will find tremendous support at the MS website I can tell them about Weekends of Re-covery without disclosing that attending a WOR was one of the best things I have done with my life They will know that they are no longer alone And not once has anyone asked me directly about me If they did I could not reply which in a round about way is a reply But I cannot reply Why The institution that I work in can be as intolerant of differences and diver-sity as the inmates are of each other The whole notion of male abuse and assault simply does not exist It is not spoken of It will not be spoken of mdash until now
Because abuse is now spoken of I have been able to create a support network for inmates and for myself Itrsquos a small step but a step never-theless Itrsquos spoken of now at a level never before reached in terms of official support and direction Support has yet to be defined but I have a mandate now to do a better job for male survivors Itrsquos on paper Itrsquos my goal
Safety of all concerned has to remain first and foremost mdash safety for the inmate safety for me With inmates disclosing to me often for the first time I am struck by what happens next A huge can of worms is opened And for what There is little safety here little opportunity to follow up The court system tosses these men around like dice One day they are here the next they are God knows where Have I done something that perhaps I shouldnrsquot have Maybe
ment physical and sexual abuse sexual orientation confusion anger management substance abuse domestic violence self respect low self esteem boundaries mdash these and much more impact upon this man daily But hersquos making a start Itrsquos another chance We all need them
I would be remiss to not mention the support of my colleagues Some of them do know about me and they have been tremendously supportive and understanding They too share a belief that it is possible for men to become survivors I cannot imagine doing this work everyday without their ongoing support I love you guys
The resources I refer to are few the Menrsquos Project in Ottawa The Gate-house in Toronto as well as local sexual assault centres I discovered on my own road to recovery that our local sexual assault centre does in fact offer services to men but does not advertise this due to the fear of being inundated with refer-rals They simply are not equipped to handle what surely lies out in my community When the report of the Cornwall Inquiry comes out later this year it is my belief that it will force our government our society to re-examine how its treatment of boys and men is provided Hope-fully those who are like I was feeling alone fearful uncomfortable in their own skin will feel more enabled to come forward to shed that skin that was put on them by their abuser(s) and step out of the ordinary letting their souls ascend and become free
Vol 2 No 2
Page 34
A History of Male Survi-vor Services in Queacutebec
and First Nations Communities
By Caroline Benamza (dance and drama therapistpsychotherapist at CRIPHASE)
And by Benoicirct St Jean (Director of CRIPHASE)
Contact Tel +1-514-529-55-67 Email infocriphaseorg
Website wwwcriphaseorg
T he latest statistics in Queacutebec show that one out of every six men has been sexually
abused before the age of 18 but there are very few statistics regard-ing male survivors and this estima-tion is only based on reported abuse Most adult men or boys who are survivors go unnoticed because most of the services in Queacutebec are exclusively for women In 2008 the male population in Queacutebec was about 3800000 of which about 3000000 are above 20 years of age (from the Institut de la Statistique) Therefore we can estimate that in Queacutebec there are around 500000 male survivors actually visible within the different health care services justice system and police departments The num-ber is already frightening for a seemingly peaceful society like Queacutebec When it comes to Native American communities as many as 80 of boys have been sexually abused before the age of 18 This number is quite similar mdash but for different reasons mdash to the male population within the Federal or Provincial prisons
The reality of male survivors of sexual abuse in childhood has remained in the dark for years in Queacutebec and it is only in the last four years that the government has acknowledged the necessity of funding counseling services for male survivors Historically it can be explained The first services for survivors have been developed since the 1960s within the very strong Queacutebeacutecois feminist move-ments The women have built along the years a strong network of ser-vices for female vic-tims of sexual abuse and domestic vio-lence Today these services still exist as the CALACS (Centres dAide et de Lutte contre les Agressions agrave Caractegravere Sexuel = Sexual Assault Cen-tres) network for survivors of sexual abuse Due to a strong belief in pro-viding a safe haven for women survivors men were turned away from these services and had nowhere to go Only two survivorsrsquo centres in the Montreal area outside the CALACS network welcomed men but those men represent only 5 of clients
This situation became obvious when the CAVAC (Centre drsquoAide pour les Victime drsquoActes Criminels = Crime Victims Assistance Centres) started to provide counseling ser-
vices to victims of criminal acts who wished to press charges and go through a court procedure The first services in Queacutebec for male survivors therefore came from a strong need in the society In 1996 the CAVAC decided to fund an experimental program directed by Denis Reneacute to offer a support group for male survivors This program was named the PHASE Groups (Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = For Men Sexually Abused in Child-
hood) With the suc-cess of these first groups between 1996 and 1997 the CAVAC of Montreal tried to secure funding for the continuation of services Unfortu-nately the PHASE Groups suffered from the double status it carried within the government the Minister of Justice that was the main funder of the CAVAC refused to fund a counseling service supposedly to be funded by the Health Minister Later the Health Minister turned down the
funding because as part of CAVAC the program should have been funded by the Minister of Justice
So it was in 1997 that Denis Reneacute decided to secure the future of the PHASE Groups by registering them
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoWhen it comes to
Native American
communities as many
as 80 of boys have
been sexually abused
before the age of 18
This number is quite
similarmdashbut for different
reasonsmdashto the male
population within the
Federal or Provincial
prisonsrdquo
February 2009
Page 35
intimacy and sexuality issues) and PHASE Artistique (a 10 weeks art and movement therapy program) with a holistic approach to body and mind recovery
In 2008 the very first weekend of recovery (named PHASE Weekend) was created and CRIPHASE wishes to make the weekend an annual event In 2003 for the first time
CRIPHASE became a full member of the Table de Concertation en Agressions Sexuelles (a gathering of several organizations providing services to survivors in addition to representatives from the Justice the Health Minister and the police) This cooperation allows a better understanding of survivor issues and needs as well as a better coor-
within a non-profit organization that took the name CRIPHASE (Centre de Resources et drsquointervention Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = Resource and Intervention Centre for Men who have been Sexually Abused in Childhood) For 10 years the Groups have survived on pri-vate funding and have provided two recovery Groups called PHASE 1 and PHASE 2 Each PHASE is a 10-week program serving non-offending male survivors over 18 years of age and of all sexual orienta-tions With its first public funding in 2004 of $38000 a director was en-gaged by the board of administration and in 2008 the PSOC (a funding body within the agency of Health and Social Services) fi-nally secured the future of CRIPHASE with a first major funding rooting CRIPHASE in the circle of sexual abuse survivors centres
Since 2006 CRIPHASE has devel-oped a major politics of visibility through the media conferences and meetings with the different actors of the Queacutebeacutecois stage Three more programs have been developed within CRIPHASE PHASE Conjoint (for partners of male survivors) PHASE Sexo (a 10 weeks program of recovery focusing on
dination of services on the ground From within the Table CRIPHASE has been able to educate people on the issue of male survivors and participate or initiate projects such as the Information Guide for Sexual Assault Victims and the first pre-vention mobilization and aware-ness march for sexual abuse survi-vors in 2008 The presence of CRIPHASE at the Table has also
allowed the feminists within the CALACS to have a better under-standing of the suffer-ing of male survivors who are also victims in their own way of an old patriarchal system CRIPHASE was also finally incorporated in the CALACS coordina-tion groupmdashcalled Table des CALACS mdash in 2008
Until 2008 there were no services provided in English (Queacutebec is a French-speaking province where Eng-lish speakers are a minority) due to lack of funding to translate the PHASE 1 docu-ments and employ English-speaking therapists The project
to offer groups in English had been put aside for years but finally in 2008 the first groups of PHASE 1 and 2 opened for English speakers The PHASE Artistique and PHASE Weekend are now bilingual pro-grams
(Continued on page 36)
Phone calls received at CRIPHASE
male survivors
therapists
relatives and loved ones
other
The average male survivor using the services at CRIPHASE is aged between 35 and 55
Vol 2 No 2
Page 36
Male survivors in the Native American
communities Recovery programs within Native American communities are only starting Many Native American men were sexually abused as well as psychologically and emotionally abused when they were sent to boarding schools across the province for assimila-tion The effects of this traumatic experience (including historic trauma) can be seen in all First Nations of Queacutebec Algonquians Cris Innus Abenakis Innuits Micmacs and so forth Today there is a strong need of heal-ing for this lost gen-eration but traumatic experiences and con-sequences have been passed on to the next generations Unfortu-nately sexual abuse is one of these problems which need to be addressed through prevention and coun-seling in a way that will integrate Native American traditions and their holistic ap-proach to medicine Such programs already exist within some communi-ties Organizations like GRIPMA (Groupe de Recherches et dInter-ventions Psychosociales en Milieu Autochtone = Research and Inter-vention group in Aboriginal Com-munities) located in the Huron
History of Male Survivor Services (Continued from page 35)
community of Wendake (near Queacute-bec city) provide a clinical expertise in intervention within Native Ameri-can communities On the other side the Aboriginal Healing Foun-dation based in Ottawa is currently funding 16 recovery projects for the First Nations in Queacutebec ad-dressing sexual abuse addiction prevention of suicide boarding schools trauma etc until 2010
Last year the publication of the five-year funding plan on sexual abuse by the provincial govern-ment of Queacutebec has seen the recognition of male survivors as a population in great need of ser-vices It has also recognized the necessity of providing services to the First Nations communities
Things are changing in Queacutebec for male survivors Because CRIPHASE is the only organization providing support and counseling to men in Queacutebec who have been sexually abused in childhood there is great hope for an increase of funding this year The constant develop-ment of CRIPHASE and the increase in phone calls and numbers of guys within the services (in 2008-
2009 there will be seven groups of PHASE 1 in-stead of five the year before) also show that men in Queacutebec are get-ting the right information on sexual abuse and services and are being encouraged to look for help and engage in re-covery
If you are one of these men in Queacutebec we are waiting for your call Remember you are not alone
For the annual march event please visit wwwmarchevasca (Information for the May 2009 march will be on line from February 2009)
Quilt Square by a Native Child from Alberta From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 37
MaleSurvivor is men surviving sexual abuse in Canada we will start with Canadarsquos sad legacy of abuse of children by clergy
A Brief Incomplete Canadian History
In Canada our First Nations People have had to bear the legacy of abuse they endured in Canadarsquos notorious residential schools Cur-rent issues of addictions and family and mental health problems amongst our First Nations people can be traced back to the legacy of abuse experienced by Native chil-dren in residential schools
Around 1874 the federal government began working with the churches (Catholic Anglican United and Presbyte-rian) to set up the Residential School System as a means to suppress Native cul-ture and promote assimilation In gen-eral children between the ages of five and 16 were taken from their parents and sent to church-run residen-tial schools The extent of the abuse in these church-run schools has been referred to as the ldquoCanadian Holocaustrdquo Recently the Canadian Government formed the Truth and Reconciliation Commis-sion (TRC) as part of the court-approved Indian Residential Schools Settlement Agreement The
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious
Leader By Nancy N Mayer MSW RSW
Partner Crisci amp Mayer Consultation Counselling and
Training Toronto wwwckmconsultationcom
Introduction
L ikely all the readers of this newsletter have knowledge and expertise about men
being physically sexually and emotionally abused Research tells us that abusers can come from any
walk of life and most often are known to the child or adult In the last decade abuse by clergy has finally ldquocome out of the closetrdquo so to
speak thanks to those brave survi-vors who have made public their experiences of being abused by clergy More than ever survivor groups are encouraging victims to report these crimes to the police and to consider seeking civil re-dress for their injuries Many groups believe that change in churches will only come when they are held accountable for the abuse perpetrated by clergy
This article will attempt to address the distinctive issues that are com-mon to this population of survivors Because the focus of this issue of
purpose of the commission is not to determine guilt or innocence but to create an historical account of the residential schools help people to heal and encourage reconciliation between Aboriginal and non-aboriginal Canadians
The notorious Mount Cashel Or-phanage is another Canadian leg-acy of sexual abuse by clergy This facility was operated in Newfound-land by the Christian Brothers More than a dozen priests were convicted after decades of abusing young boys at the orphanage
Mount Cashel Or-phanage closed in 1989 just six months after allegations of sexual physical and emotional abuse were published by the media (For more in depth information see Harris Michael Unholy Orders Trag-edy at Mount Cashel Ontario Viking Press 1990)
Like the US there have been hundreds and perhaps thou-sands of cases of children and vulner-
able adults abused by clergy in every religious denomination Unlike the US our country is not bound as strictly by statutes of limitations so lawsuits can proceed more freely Our sentences for convicted clerical sex offenders are
(Continued on page 38)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Nancy N Mayer
ldquo[First Nations] children
between the ages of five
and 16 were taken from
their parents and sent to
church-run residential
schools The extent of
the abuse in these
church-run schools has
been referred to as the
lsquoCanadian Holocaustrsquoldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 38
nowhere near as severe as those of our American neighbours Most first offenders will not serve a day in jail The civil awards for personal inju-ries are also quite low Our court system promotes set-tling these cases out of court When a case fails to go to trial it is not part of the public re-cord The widespread use of confidentiality orders media fatigue and Canadian reserve means that it is impos-sible to obtain accurate statistics on how often men are abused by clergy or even the ex-tent of the problem in this country
The Authority of Rel igious Leaders Religious organizations have always played a central role in our so-cieties They provide moral ethical and spiritual guidance Reli-gious teachings have given us a context and meaning for our lives Most religious belief revolves around a divine power or God Religious leaders (ministers priests rabbis elders nuns) are thought to be Godrsquos earthly repre-sentatives and are treated with reverence and respect They have intimate involvement with families and children at such vulnerable times as an illness death or other family crises They may have access
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 37)
to confidential information by virtue of their roles of confessor or counsellor A child brought up by religious parents is taught to re-spect these men and women Oth-ers associated with churches mdash choir leaders teachers cantors youth group leaders mdash are also considered trustworthy by virtue of their close
association with their religious organizations Most parents en-courage their childrenrsquos participa-tion in church-based activities believing them to be safe and wholesome
These leaders are considered to be esteemed authorities and as repre-sentatives of God wield a great deal of power Depending on the faith group there may be teachings
that support an unquestioning adherence to their instructions and guidance This makes children and vulnerable adults particularly sus-ceptible to exploitation by this group because they have access opportunity and trust
Misuse of Power Perpetrators can utilize their positions of power and trust to gain access to their victims some-times for extended periods of uninterrupted time They may tell children that they are being asked to ldquoserve Godrdquo or that they or their families will be punished if they do not do as instructed Chil-dren may be threatened with eternal damnation or blamed for leading the religious leader into sin If the religion con-siders premarital sex or same sex contacts as sinful the guilt will be compounded
In most cases the victim will not disclose or may disclose but not be
believed A child will have a difficult time convincing adults that he or she has been victimized The vic-timrsquos family culture or communi-ties have been socialized to see their religious leaders as unques-tionably good and incapable of lies This can lead to others denying or minimizing the victimrsquos experience of abuse The victim is initially harmed by the abuser and then is revictimized by those who cannot
ldquoMay Hope be Passed through Every Handrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 39
institutionrsquos response and lack of compassion and pastoral care
The Impact on Spir ituality
The frequently used term ldquosoul murderrdquo aptly describes what hap-pens when the abuser is a religious leader When the response of the religious institu-tion to a disclosure of abuse is experienced as self-serving and uncaring the survivor will likely lose his faith in the religious community of which he has been a part To belong and to feel connected is a basic human need When abused by clergy the loss of connection and belonging to what may have been a spiritual anchor can be devastating
To compound the harm the abuse may have occurred in a religious building The abuser may have worn traditional cleri-cal attire or may have made religious or biblical refer-ences As a result being exposed to religious symbols music or any other reminder can trigger flashbacks and other uncomfortable physical symptoms
The cleric is often considered Godrsquos representative on earth This gives the cleric power that surpasses his position and status When abuse is at the hands of a minister nun
accept that their spiritual leaders are capable of abuse There are many stories of clergy abuse survi-vors being abandoned by their religious communities (who side with the cleric) and their families who cannot face leaving the church that has given their lives meaning and comfort The resultant feelings of betrayal and abandonment are profound
The Role of the Religious Inst itutions
When religious institutions hold themselves up as ethical compasses and arbitrators of right and wrong society has an expectation that church leaders will act in a fair and moral way Many US Commissions and Grand Juries and Canadian reports such as the Winter Com-mission Report (Archdiocese of St Johns Newfoundland Canada 1990) Child Abuse in Community Institutions and Organizations and Improving Public and Professional Understanding (prepared for the Law Commission of Canada) all record and explain the dynamics that have lead to the failure of religious institutions to protect our children
While it is well known that any institution mdash educational recrea-tional or spiritual mdash is not immune from having sex offenders in its midst the religious institutions have a particular legacy of protect-ing the institution through aggres-sive legal tactics versus truth telling and reconciliation Many victims state that they have been less wounded by the actual abuse and profoundly more damaged by the
priest rabbi minister or elder the recipient of the abuse may experi-ence profound guilt for ldquoparticipatingrdquo in ldquosinfulrdquo behaviour mdash a mistaken belief that he is respon-sible for the abuse or shame that
he has ldquosinnedrdquo He may believe he is deserving of rejection or eternal damnation If he confesses he risks exposing the cleric who has likely done what he could to trick the victim into believing that he must maintain silence and secrecy One survivor describes feeling that rdquoIt was like being abused by God him-self If even God couldnrsquot love me how could anyone else ever love merdquo
These factors alone can leave a man who has been abused by clergy unable to find comfort and solace in what used to be his spiritual beliefs and his church Without these familiar beliefs the survivor is aban-
doned and alone when he most needs support
The Role of Gender While woman are ordained in some denominations there is still an imbalance of power between men and women in many religious tradi-tions For boys and men abused by male clerics embarrassment and
(Continued on page 40)
ldquoThe frequently used
term lsquosoul murderrsquo aptly
describes what happens
when the abuser is a
religious leader When
the response of the
religious institution to a
disclosure of abuse is
experienced as self-
serving and uncaring
the survivor will likely
lose his faith in the
religious community of
which he has been
a partrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 40
concerns of how they will be per-ceived promote silence For the boy or man abused by a female cleric there may be worries that he will be labelled the seducer or pres-sured to consider this ldquorelationshiprdquo as non-abusive
The study conducted by the John Jay Col-lege of Criminal Jus-tice regarding The Nature and Scope of the Problem of Sexual Abuse of Minors by Priests and Deacons in the Catholic Church (Washington DC USCCB 2004) found some very disturbing information about the age and gender of victims The largest group of reported victims (509) was between the ages of 11 and 14 273 of victims were 15 to 17 16 were eight to 10 and nearly 6 were under age seven Overall 81 of vic-tims were male and 19 female Male victims tended to be older than female victims Over 40 of all victims were males between the ages of 11 and 14
The largest group of reported victims in this study consisted of boys who were entering puberty This is a tumultuous time in most
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 39)
young menrsquos lives To have this period of development disrupted can contribute to many mental health problems including lack of confidence disruption of emo-tional sexual and psycho-social development isolation sexual identity confusion depression anxiety and abuse of substances
In Summary The harm experienced by those
who are abused by clergy is profound and multifaceted Some therapists will not want to work with survivors of clergy abuse due to the complexity of their issues their limited knowledge of the subject area possible religious biases and potential for litigation Most (but certainly not all) survivors will have experienced revictimization by their churches or religious institutions This compounded by abuse by a religious leader in a position of power will under-standably lead to unique challenges Survivors will have
significant trust issues that can impede the forming of a trusting therapeutic relationship with a therapist who will also be in a position of power and may be an employee of an institution With transparency and skill on the part of the therapist and tenacity on the part of the survivor effective thera-
peutic partnership can be achieved While recovery is difficult it is possible
The irony is that many survivors of abuse by clergy have a strong sense of integrity morality and perseverance They learned the lessons that the ldquoreligiousrdquo offend-ers failed to learn At the core of their beings these clergy abuse survivors are the prophets who have come to speak the truth and reveal the abuse and the decep-tions It is this desire for social justice truth telling belonging and connection that will allow a healthy spiritual belief system to rise out of the ashes of what has happened It is this healthy spiritual belief that makes many clergy abuse survivors persistent and tenacious in seeking recovery and social justice They are making a difference and chang-ing the world as we know it
ldquoThe harm experienced
by those who are
abused by clergy is
profound and
multifaceted Some
therapists will not want
to work with survivors
of clergy abuse due to
the complexity of their
issues their limited
knowledge of the
subject area possible
religious biases and
potential for litigationldquo
February 2009
Page 41
tion of it earlier in the lsquo90s but 1997 is when there was a critical mass of mostly male survivors coming forward and taking action against Maple Leaf Gardens Your question specifically was ldquoDid it play a role in my choice of ca-reersrdquo
MS Yes
SJ Yes and no The Maple Leaf
Gardens cases were not my first sexual assault cases but my in-volvement in these cases solidified my interest and desire to help sur-vivors
MS Could you take a few minutes to explain to our readers just what the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal was and why it has played a central role in revealing the extent of sex-ual abuse at least in the Toronto area
of my clients will say something like ldquoYou know this is not about the money I donrsquot care how much I get this is about something elserdquo And whatever that person seeks mdash an apology or the empowerment of filing a lawsuit or a million other unique things mdash that is why I do this kind of work Itrsquos about helping people through whatever process they need in order to begin that healing process the moving forward process
MS And also to provide your clients with a sense of justice
SJ Absolutely Justice is really not about the money itrsquos about the knowledge that theyrsquove come forward theyrsquove done something and theyrsquove empowered themselves It takes a tre-mendous amount of courage to do that I am always in awe of my cli-ents for the amount of courage they have They are my inspiration
MS Many Americans are unaware of the so-called Maple Leaf Gar-dens sex scandal that began some-time in the 1960s but didnrsquot come to wide public attention until 1997 the year after you began practicing law Did this scandal have some affect on your choice of career
SJ Actually the scandal did come to prominence before 1997 There was scattered media atten-
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 1)
SJ Sure There was a series of men who were employed at Maple Leaf Gardens which was the home of the Toronto Maple Leafs mdash the hockey club mdash who over a period of a couple of decades sexually abused probably hundreds of chil-dren It started in the lsquo60s it went on we believe until the early lsquo80s There were two principal men in-volved but there were at least three
others who also were ac-cused In order to under-stand why the Maple Leaf Gardens sex scandals are as important as they are you have to understand that hockey in Toronto and hockey in Canada is almost a religion Hockey is to Canadians what the NFL or Major League Baseball is to Americans Every little boy dreams of about becoming the next Wayne Gretzky becoming the best hockey player he can be Maple Leaf Gar-dens was the home of one of the best loved and biggest hockey teams mdash the Toronto Maple Leafs The Gardens was the high
temple of hockey in Canada and still is In the lsquo60s lsquo70s and even the lsquo80s children mdash mostly boys mdash would go to Maple Leaf Gardens usually unaccompanied by their parents because back then nobody really thought that anything bad would happen to them at the Gar-dens The boys would go there ei-ther for practice games or to watch the Maple Leafs play or more likely they would go to watch To-
(Continued on page 42)
ldquoMaple Leaf Gardens in Memory of Martin Kruzerdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 42
ronto Marlies games The Marlies were the farm team for the Toronto Maple Leafs During these games and these practices the pedophiles who worked at the Gardenrsquos would often befriend these boys seeking out boys who were more vulner-able than others most likely and would sexually assault the boys sometimes off-property but most often within the Gardens itself They would use their position as employees of the Gardens to be able to say to the boys if you come with me Irsquoll get you a broken hockey stick or hockey puck or Irsquoll get you into better seats the next game or whatever other type of inducement would be necessary to get the boys to go with them into either a washroom or a training room or other private place where the boys would be sexually abused
In 1997 there were about 50 or 60 cases all joined to-gether and Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Entertainment Ltd wanted to settle all the cases prior to the Toronto Maple Leafs moving into a new hockey rink called the Air Canada Center so as to have a clean slate at the new rink By and large a lot of the litigation was fin-ished before the team moved into the Air Canada Center but not all of it In fact there are probably 17 or 19 cases going through the court
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 41)
system today more than 10 years after the original large group of plaintiffs went through the court and I believe that new people will continue to come forward when they are strong enough
MS I understand that one of the principal plaintiffs in the case Mar-tin Kruze had settled with the owners or the operators of the Ma-ple Leaf Gardens in 1995 and that he signed a confidentiality agree-ment not to reveal the settlement
or perhaps even the details of what had happened to him Do you think that the confidentiality agree-ment Mr Kruze agreed to slowed down or hindered the full exposure of this scandal
SJ I think that any confidentiality agreement blocks public access to knowledge and to understanding so I do suspect that Martinrsquos confi-dentiality agreement did have some impact on the scandal re-
maining hidden for as long as it did Absolutely yes I believe that confidentiality agreements are in-herently difficult for plaintiffs be-cause they create and continue a cycle of secrecy Sexual assault is a crime that is almost always carried out in secret and the guilt and shame it produces is key in helping pedophiles maintain their hold over their victims Putting a confidential-ity agreement on a settlement just perpetuates the guilt and the shame
MS Unfortunately Martin Kruzersquos principal perpetrator received a shockingly light sen-tence for all his actions and I understand that this led to Martin com-mitting suicide shortly afterwards
SJ I would think that the perpetratorrsquos sentence was a part of why Martin chose to end his life yes It hap-pened relatively shortly after the sentencing and I suspect that it weighed heavily on Martinrsquos decision
MS Do you think that the sen-tence that the perpetrator received was a reflection of the then current attitude towards pedophiles and sexual abuse
SJ The sentence that the perpe-trator received was a reflection on the way that the Canadian justice system deals with criminals regard-ing personal crimes absolutely It was a very low sentence in keep-
Imants Kruze visiting his sonrsquos memorial quilt square in the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 43
obtain here versus how much they can obtain in the United States In the United States there is no cap for pain and suffering awards whereas here in Canada there is a very small cap mdash about $325000 If a survivor of sexual assault goes through the court system and even if they have a very good day in court in terms of compensation yoursquore probably looking at an award for dam-ages somewhere be-tween $200000 and $500000 Sometimes itrsquos actually less than $200000 and very very rarely more than $500000 so in that sense we are defi-nitely behind But I donrsquot think itrsquos a question of waiting 10 years to see if we ldquocatch uprdquo I think itrsquos just a fundamental difference in how our court system works and whatrsquos available to survivors in terms of compensation
If you mean that Canada is 10 years behind in dealing with other aspects of sexual assault then you are probably correct in terms of media attention public awareness and outrage Sexual assault is still largely an unreported unprose-cuted crime But things are getting better every day and as more and more survivors come forward posi-tive changes will continue to hap-pen
MS As Irsquom sure you know therersquos periodic discussion about tort re-
ing with what was handed out at the time and to a large extent itrsquos still in keeping with what is handed out right now
MS Are you still representing or have you represented anyone who is a plaintiff in this scandal
SJ I was very much involved in the core group of Maple Leaf Gar-dens survivors that came forward in 1997 I was on what was called the plaintiffsrsquo committee back then which was a group of a few lawyers who brought the litigation forward I represented a number of plaintiffs in the original group that came forward I have also represented quite a few men throughout the last 10 years and currently repre-sent two men in the last group of plaintiffs to come forward I have also been approached by at least two other men who may decide to pursue litigation
MS Dale English mdash who has spo-ken to you at some length mdash has said to me that either you or he or both of you have felt that Canada is perhaps 10 or more years behind the US in dealing with the issues of sexual abuse and sexual assault Could you elaborate on that com-ment
SJ I think it depends on what you mean by dealing with the is-sues If you mean dealing with the issues in terms of bringing civil cases forward to a certain extent we are behind One of the funda-mental differences between the United States and Canada is the way that our tort systems operate and specifically the amount of compensation that tort victims can
form in the United States mainly aimed at capping punitive dam-ages Irsquom wondering whether there is the mirror of that in Canada mdash whether therersquos any movement to-wards tort reform that would allow greater awards to victims
SJ Well there is and there isnrsquot In Canada itrsquos very difficult if not
impossible to get pu-nitive damages espe-cially if therersquos a criminal conviction The punitive damages that are available in Canada are very low A typical punitive damage award would be $20000 or $25000 - usually not much more than that So damages are quite restricted here in any event In terms of tort reform I think there is a global push by in-surance companies to
try to limit compensation whether in the States or here The things that the American Association of Justice are fighting for down in the States are the same things that the Ontario Trial Lawyers Association are fighting for here mdash the continued ability to sue for compensation un-hampered by legislative roadblocks benefitting powerful institutional defendants to the detriment of those who have suffered Ours is a much smaller playing field and therefore less money is at stake In terms of plaintiffsrsquo lawyers wersquore trying to maximize the compensa-tion that we can get for our client Every time we go to court we try
(Continued on page 44)
ldquoIf you mean that
Canada is 10 years
behind in dealing with
other aspects of sexual
assault then you are
probably correct in
terms of media
attention public
awareness and outrageldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 44
to get a higher damage award so that that case will be a building block for future cases There are always attempts to try to circum-vent the cap on pain and suffering damages that we have Itrsquos not an easy thing to do the cap has been in place in Canada for 32 years now It was put in place in 1977 by the Supreme Court of Canada and itrsquos unlikely to be overturned any-time soon Even though from a purely theoretical legal analysis that cap does not apply to pain and suffering damages for victims of sexual assault and sexual abuse the reality is that judges still use that cap as a high water mark even though it doesnrsquot formally apply mdash it is still a de facto cap and to be honest with you it is almost impos-sible to get anywhere near that cap for compensation for pain and suf-fering A typical pain and suffering award in Canada for childhood sex-ual abuse is somewhere between $100000 and $200000 Anything on top of that would be associated economic loss or care costs
MS Itrsquos quite unfortunate that even though therersquos no real cap the law behaves as if there were one
SJ Yep I couldnrsquot agree with you more Itrsquos very unfortunate
MS I understand that in 2005 the government of Ontario convened whatrsquos known as the Cornwall Pub-lic Inquiry Was the Inquiry con-vened to address the issues of sex-ual abuse and sexual assault and
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 43)
the way the justice system is han-dling it
SJ Thatrsquos probably one of the reasons the Inquiry was convened Thatrsquos one of the hopes The In-quiry was convened because of what was going on in a little city east of Toronto mdash a series of allega-tions against very prominent mem-bers of that community involving the sexual abuse of children over a period of many many years The idea behind the Inquiry is to try to figure out what happened and to put in place some recommenda-tions that will not only stop some-thing like the abuse in Cornwall from happening again but will also try to help those who were affected by the events in the first place And to some extent I think some good will come of the Inquiry Hopefully the recommendations will be good for survivors of childhood sexual abuse or any kind of sexual assault The Submission phase of the In-quiry officially ended late February 2009
MS Did you have the opportunity to testify before the Inquiry
SJ I did not personally testify before the Inquiry Testimony was generally limited to the people ac-tually involved mdash police officers vic-tims what not I was involved in the Inquiry with regards to a panel discussionroundtable that they had regarding the use of confiden-tiality agreements
MS As you probably know Male-Survivor was first founded in the early 1980s by a group of thera-pists who were concerned about support for victims of childhood
sexual abuse and although Male-Survivor is still not a very large or-ganization it has increased its in-fluence significantly over the years and Irsquom wondering whether there is a similar non-profit or other group in Canada that also is dedi-cated to helping victims of child-hood sexual abuse
SJ There are some grass roots organizations that deal with victims of childhood sexual abuse or adult sexual assault I donrsquot believe there is as cohesive a unit as MaleSurvi-vor I may be wrong on that but there are smaller more community based organizations that assist sur-vivors That being said resources available to survivors are unfortu-nately pretty limited
MS Is that because there are too few therapists in that form of prac-tice
SJ I think itrsquos a mixture of many different things First of all Canada has a much smaller population base mdash 30 million people as com-pared to 300 million in the United States mdash so you have significantly fewer people affected and there-fore you have significantly fewer resources available to those people The services that we do have will often have very long waiting lists before people can access them There are some very very good counselors in Canada assisting sur-vivors but unfortunately the waiting lists are sometimes long and the availability for public funding to provide services free of charge is somewhat limited
MS Is there anything in your opinion about the Canadian health
February 2009
Page 45
system that contributes to the scar-city of services
SJ I donrsquot know if itrsquos the Cana-dian health system I think that in Canada we have a pretty good public health system in the sense that anybody who needs medical services can access those services free of charge The problem is that a lot of these services are not covered under our health system per se Many are covered under either private plans or pay as you go type services and itrsquos just a question of finding the people who can provide these services and being lucky enough to get them when they either donrsquot have a waiting list or other-wise having to wait until your name comes up on that waiting list
MS And that could takes years in some cases it seems
SJ My understanding is that those waiting lists can be quite long but there are very good peo-ple out there Itrsquos just a question of finding them and being able to afford them
MS Can you elaborate on other differences between the US and Canada that affect the way survi-vors and perpetrators are treated by the legal system and the media
SJ The differences between Can-ada and the US are really huge On the surface Americans and Canadi-ans look pretty much the same dress the same talk the same eat the same foods and by and large watch the same TV but culturally there is a huge difference in the way we look at the world in the
way our legal system works and the way that people interact with one another
Americans are much more litigious by na-ture I think this is due to the fact that in the United States mdash at least as seen from the outside mdash the rights of the individual are paramount In Can-ada less so Canada is much more commu-nity-oriented We of-tentimes think about how something is going to affect others instead of looking at what an individual might be entitled to I think that the high
damage awards available through the American legal system are beneficial in sexual abuse cases as is the lack of a cap on awards which we have
In some ways though our legal system is much better for my cli-ents than the US system would be because of the way that our actual process works One of the things that I know is very damaging to a lot of plaintiffs in the United States is the whole discovery process tak-
ing depositions Depositions can go on for a huge number of days and pretty much everybody in the per-sonrsquos life can be called to give a deposition That is very troubling and painful for people who donrsquot necessarily want others to know about their abuse or donrsquot want to involve their family Here in Canada depositions mdash or what we call the examination for discovery mdash are lim-ited to the actual named parties in the lawsuit The defendant and the plaintiff are examined for discovery or deposed if you will Anyone who is not an actual party to the litiga-tion can only be discovered under court orders and itrsquos very difficult to get those court orders so in that sense itrsquos a much quicker cleaner process and less intrusive on some-onersquos life So that is probably a good thing
The other really huge difference between the two systems which I think does in fact impact on why a lot of these cases settle as opposed to going to court and oftentimes settle for very different amounts of money than they would if they went to court is that in Canada we have a ldquoloser paysrdquo system If you go to court and you lose you have to pay at least a portion of the fees incurred by the other side Letrsquos say the defendantrsquos settlement offer is $100000 If the plaintiff does not accept that $100000 and at trial the plaintiff gets $99000 then the plaintiff has to pay the lawyerrsquos fees of the defendant because the award is less than the settlement offer That is very difficult That means that a lot of cases are set-tled for probably less money than
(Continued on page 46)
ldquoOn the surface
Americans and
Canadians look pretty
much the same hellip but
culturally there is a
huge difference in the
way we look at the
world in the way our
legal system works and
the way that people
interact with one
anotherldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 46
MS I join you in that hope Any-thing that can advance the cause of not only helping people but also helping prevent further abuses is always going to be welcome If you could set forth a vision of how you would like to see the law and the therapeutic community in Canada evolve to handle matters of child-
hood sexual abuse and sexual assault mdash if you could influence the reform of institu-tions what would your vision be
SJ Oh Richard Wow Well first and foremost I would love to raise public aware-ness of this issue for various reasons I think that increased public awareness will not necessarily reduce the instances of abuse but will help improve how abuse is dealt with when itrsquos ongoing and after-wards Itrsquos very im-portant that when a child is hurt that
child knows that he can go to peo-ple for help and support All too often if kids get up enough cour-age to tell someone the reaction they get is not very positive I think that with increased public aware-ness hopefully people will under-stand that there are ways to deal with this that will decrease the amount of harm so public aware-ness is paramount
I would like the legal system to raise compensation awards for sur-
turning point in bringing to the publicrsquos attention that the sexual assault of children can happen does happen and itrsquos a very diffi-cult thing for anyone to go through whether theyrsquore little boys or grown men that were abused as children It brought childhood sex-ual abuse out of the shadows to a certain extent The scandal still garners media attention as new survivors come forward but not the same as it did 10 years ago
MS Would you say that the lack of inves-tigative reporting is a cultural phenomenon or is it that the news-papers donrsquot feel they have that role
SJ Oh no Canadian newspapers do feel that they have a role in investigating things but for whatever rea-son sexual abuse of children has not been a priority The Cana-dian media really has not been at the forefront of this issue the way the media in the United States has been and I think that is tremen-dously disappointing The lack of media attention means that we arenrsquot fostering the awareness within the public that we need in order to provide real help and ser-vices for survivors We need the mediarsquos help to bring this horrific crime to light and to help stop it from happening
they would get if they went to court because that risk of going to court and not getting at least the amount of the original offer weighs heavily on everyone Our system is designed and geared toward avoid-ing trials which can be good be-cause nobody really wants to go through a trial but can be bad be-cause people become very intimi-dated by the prospect of losing or not getting as much as the settle-ment offer and being indebted to the defendant for a lot of money Thatrsquos a scary scary thing to go through
With regards to the media the US has a media that by and large has helped out a lot with sexual abuse cases The whole issue of clergy abuse really started with investiga-tive reporting by the Boston Globe right
MS Right
SJ They really took that issue and just ran with it Here in Canada we really havenrsquot had the same kind of investigative media cover-age as yoursquove had which is why events like the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal are not as huge as they are down in the States
Before Martin Kruze committed sui-cide the media was only somewhat interested in the Maple Leaf Gar-dens scandal Martin Kruze was a figure because he had sued the Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Com-plex But after he committed sui-cide the media was really galva-nized and that was probably a
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 45)
ldquoThe lack of media
attention means that we
arenrsquot fostering the
awareness within the
public that we need in
order to provide real
help and services for
survivors We need the
mediarsquos help to bring
this horrific crime to
light and to help stop it
from happeningrdquo
February 2009
Page 47
ments but it canrsquot at this stage really happen through the courts
I would want there to be an ability for institutions or perpetrators mdash de-fendants mdash to look beyond mere dollars and cents and look toward healing the person that they have hurt either directly or indirectly All too often in these cases we really become tied up in the legal minu-tiae of things as opposed to defen-dants saying ldquoOK letrsquos step back here and letrsquos try to helprdquo
I wish that there were a real under-standing that these cases are not car accident cases and they should
not be treated as car accident cases My clients are not people whorsquove broken a leg and therefore need X amount of dollars in order to pay for medical services or whatnot And unfortu-nately that doesnrsquot necessarily happen
In terms of the thera-peutic community I would love to see counseling and therapy ses-sions be paid for through the pub-lic purse so that people who re-quire the services of highly-skilled counselors and therapists and psy-chologists can access those services without having to pay for them A lot of clients just donrsquot have the economic means to pay for such services until after they get a set-tlement and that could take years It would be wonderful to see those kinds of services funded the same way as a trip to the emergency room or a trip to your family doc-tor for a cold is funded Irsquod love to
vivors The amount of damage that can be done as a result of child-hood abuse or in fact any kind of sexual assault is tremendous It affects almost every aspect of someonersquos life It becomes inter-generational because it affects the people around the survivor and compensation awards are still very much a pale reflection of what is needed in order to help these peo-ple I hope that at some point our judges and our legislature under-stand that need and can corre-spondingly give appropriate and reasonable damage awards so that people can start to rebuild their lives in a meaningful way
I would love there to be an opportunity within our civil system for more than just compensation At this stage the only thing that a civil judge can do is award monetary compensation There are a lot of creative things that you can do within a settlement that are not purely fi-nancial that can give a lot of sol-ace to someone who has been abused whether that be in the form of some non-financial healing whether it be in the form of a situation where somebody can con-front their abuser if thatrsquos what they wish to do in a safe setting or whether itrsquos the ability for that sur-vivor to do something outside of pure simple dollars and put for-ward some sort of healing plan that is as individual as they are That can happen through settle-
be able to see that I think that that would go a long way to helping people earlier rather than later
Ultimately I wish that this situation didnrsquot exist anymore and I would be put out of business frankly
MS Well I can certainly sympa-thize with the way you feel but it would seem that you have a career ahead of you dealing with this problem
SJ Unfortunately I think you are right I think that instances of child-hood sexual abuse are not neces-sarily going down I think that insti-tutions are getting a little bit better at putting in place policies and sometimes even following their own policies to stop pedophiles from entering those institutions and preying on people that those insti-tutions are theoretically set up to serve but I think that as long as the problem of childhood sexual abuse is with us I will be out there trying to help anybody that I can
MS Is there anything else yoursquod like to say to our readers
SJ I think that organizations such as MaleSurvivor are imperative in helping people understand that they are not alone that itrsquos not their fault and there are ways to get help So hats off to an organi-zation such as yours The clients I have who are involved in your or-ganization are very very well served so I have to thank you for being a resource
MS Thank you very much for your kind comments and for your time Simona
ldquoUltimately I wish that
this situation didnrsquot exist
anymore and I would be
put out of business
franklyrdquo
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-
February 2009
Page 7
serve as the screaming voice that every survivor wished he had pos-sessed to call for someone to enter the room and stop the abuse We have just scratched the surface in this effort to respond to the men of Canada So much more is needed and networking is at the center of any successful effort I would ask all our Canadian readers to contact one of these contributors and ask what you could do in this most worthy endeavor And take heart because when all the dots are connected a picture appears It is the picture of compassion and hope It is a picture of many pic-tures and they all have names And theyrsquore waiting for you
Connecting the Dots (Continued from page 5)
reclaim onersquos life and the free-dom to thrive and not simply exist
Being with other men who will absolutely provide support to one another no matter how different they may be in terms of history esteem country of origin abuse history masculin-ityfemininity or sexual orienta-tion and
Being in a safe enough space to speak to move to sing to breathe deeply to create with or without formal artistic train-ing to listen and to connect
Our next weekend mdash March 27-29 mdash will take place at the Sequoia Re-treat Center in Ben Lomond Cali-
Warm Welcome (Continued from page 2)
fornia nestled in the redwood madrone and tan oak forest of the Santa Cruz Mountains As of the third week of February we have 21 registrants with room for 28 I am not sure how many spaces will be available when you receive this so if you are interested jump in fast And if you are too late remember we have three more Level One weekends this year Dahlonega outside of Atlanta May 15-17 Hope Springs in SW Ohio Oct 23-25 and then our yet to be an-nounced weekend in Canada For those of you who are alumni you have already received our first sur-vey to help us plan the Advanced Weekend (open to any man who has attended a Level One WOR) slated for the beautiful Alta Lodge in Alta Utah outside of Salt Lake City September 11-13
Weekend of Recovery 27 at Mysthaven November 2008
Vol 2 No 2
Page 8
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Sexual assault will always be an individual experience however I think we have all witnessed via the media that when a man comes forward with his experience of sexual abuse it often uncovers a mother lode of hidden institutional
or multiple abuses Boy Scouts churches training schools private schools sports teams all flooding our TV screens and our minds with the troubling stories of scores of men abused over decades I hesi-tate to speculate that the next big exposure of institutionalized abuse will be the reporting of psychiat-ric hospitals That
exposeacute must wait for those institu-tionally traumatized men and women to find their courage and their voices
It has been my experience that pockets of expertise develop in different areas of our country and those victims of abuse fortunate enough to be able to access those resources benefit greatly Beyond those resourced areas men are left living ldquolives of quiet desperationrdquo
In 2004-2005 the Menrsquos Project in Ottawa received some time-limited funding to compile a list of thera-peutic resources and programs for male survivors A great beginning but unfortunately resources ran out and the website had to be shut down
At our clinic in Toronto Ontario Canada we run three treatment groups a week for adult men who were sexually traumatized as chil-dren This year mdash 2009 mdash the program is celebrating its fifteenth year
The difficulty in pre-senting a picture of the state of treatment for men who have suffered from sexual abuse is that there is no coordination of resources at any level in Toronto in Ontario in Canada No one really has the big picture There was a conference held in Toronto last year that illustrated that there are a number of won-derful people and programs across the province that are doing what they can for traumatized men
The spark that got our group pro-gram running was a desperate call in 1992 to SASAT (Scarborough Agencies Sexual Abuse Treatment program) from a man who could find no professional government funded resource to help him deal with his childhood trauma In To-ronto we have the ldquoBlue Bookrdquo a listing of social service resources that is the size of a medium sized cityrsquos phone book In all those many pages there was half a page listing resources for men who were either alcoholics or abusing their wives
Reflections from Canada
By Jim Hall
Wolfwood Canada
wolfwoodcanadarogerscom
I was asked by MaleSurvivor to give some reflections on my experience as a therapist dealing
with male sexual traumatisation in Canada
I began my professional journey in 1985 working in a childrenrsquos De-tention Centre I worked with street kids through Covenant House in
treatment classrooms and for the past fifteen years in a hospital-based clinic Over the past three years I have become increasingly involved with
the Inuit of Canadarsquos Arctic dealing with issues of trauma including cultural trauma
In 2005 I wrote Creating Courage Search amp Rescue a manual for people in the caring professions who deal with trauma and anxiety In March of 2005 I began present-ing ldquoInside the Male Mind Identify-ing Resistance and Opportunity in the Treatment of Boys and Teen Guys Who Have Experienced Sexual Abuserdquo throughout the province of Ontario
Jim Hall
ldquoThe mass of men lead
lives of quiet
desperation
What is called
resignation is confirmed
desperationrdquo
mdashHenry David Thoreau
1854
February 2009
Page 9
One of our shining resources in Canada is the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness Headed by Ellen Campbell the CCAA has always been a strong advocate and sup-porter of men who have suffered sexual trauma It coordinated Mar-tinrsquos Hope which was a public forum supported by the Toronto Maple Leaf organization under the direction of General Manager and hockey great Ken Dryden Sadly Martin Kruze who blew the whistle on the Maple Leaf Gardens abuse scandal committed suicide but because of his courage many men found the strength to seek help
Like the United States Canada is a country of many cultures To understand where Canada is at in its response to the sex-ual abuse of males we have to be aware of different culturesrsquo take on the idea of ldquowhether or not males can be sexually abusedrdquo Strange question to all that will be reading this newsletter but I have talked to men of various cultures whose isolation is magnified by the cultural belief that ldquoit doesnrsquot happen to black men (unless theyrsquore gay)rdquo or ldquoit doesnrsquot happen in Indian culturerdquo What do you do when an experi-ence that doesnrsquot happen in your culture happens to you
On my office wall hangs a picture of a wolf hiding behind a tree It was drawn by a man who fought
the good fight and lost The feeling of being ldquoutterly alonerdquo over-whelmed him and his life was lost to suicide The stakes can be no higher There are few fights that are harder What keeps me going as a therapist as a man are the brave men who stay the course who push out the darkness finding strength in the company of other men who also fight to reclaim their livesrsquo potential
As a Canadian trauma therapist I am encouraged that our collective culture continues to move forward This past year our Prime Minister
apologized in the parliament of our country to our native peoples who were victimized by the residential school atrocities which mdash for many mdash included sex-ual abuse I have had the honour to work in our high Arctic with the Inuit There I have found a wonderful culture which wants to heal It didnrsquot begin so smoothly though for me Dur-ing my first visit there
while trying to start a menrsquos group the interpreter said to me ldquoItrsquos really offensive that you should come up here and talk to us about our traumardquo In the subsequent years of working together he and I have become friends
In the north and in the south I find the same troubling story Young men lost disconnected caught up in the world of drugs alcohol and
crime desperately searching for a sense of meaning and belonging Although not all have been sexually abused many have Our young men and men in general lack men-tors
In Canada we lack a coordinating organization mdash a rdquoCentre of Excel-lencerdquo mdash that would address the issues specific to traumatized men and could provide research leader-ship and treatment We didnrsquot start using seatbelts in Canada until the government said we had to I be-lieve the shame and embarrass-ment most traumatized men feel keeps many from seeking the help they need A Menrsquos Trauma Centre could say ldquoMen can be sexually abused Men can be traumatized If that has happened to you you can come here We can help You need to come here Things can and will get betterrdquo
As a country are we there yet We are not even close mdash no culture no country is But there are more and more men who are there who have fought the good fight and won They have opened their mouths spoken their truth challenged the status quo and blazed a trail for other traumatized men and boys to find and follow
I believe the tide in Canada is changing Doors of secrecy that have been forced open will not close again Our compassion for traumatized men continues to grow The future has some bright-ness around its edges that wasnrsquot there ten years ago
ldquoTo understand where
Canada is at in its
response to the sexual
abuse of males we have
to be aware of different
culturesrsquo take on the
idea of lsquowhether or not
males can be sexually
abusedrsquordquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 10
this was the case It was discovered that those in control of determin-ing what funding went to what had decided it was not cost effective to have a womenrsquos detox since so few women were over-drinking The committee decided to document the need since many felt that a womenrsquos detox was necessary
In the end the committee was able to document the need and a womenrsquos detox was funded in Windsor Ontario What had hap-pened Many women struggling with a substance abuse problem were hidden and misdiagnosed A similar situation exists with male survivors of childhood abuse This problem is hidden and often misdi-agnosed
The Greater Toronto Area where I cur-rently live is a city of over 55 million peo-ple If we believe the current stats and if we assume that roughly half the population are male and if perhaps one in six boys will have been abused by the age of 16 (and ac-cording to some
experts one in five boys is sexually abused) then there are possibly over 500000 men out there who have experienced childhood abuse in my little corner of the world To be fair we know that some chil-dren report and are heard and helped We also know that some seem to have been able to work it
A Dearth of Services in Canada
By Lynne MacDonnell
Private Practice in Toronto Area +1 (416) 996-4050
A report issued by the United Nations states that millions of children are exposed to
sexual violence each year It cuts across cultures income levels edu-cation levels No country is immune from it The four-year study that encompassed 130 countries was completed by Paulo Pinheiro an independent expert appointed by UN Secretary General Kofi Annan As many as 150 million girls and 73 million boys worldwide are subject to sexual violence each year usually by someone in their family circle said the report A 2002 Canadian study showed chil-dren made up 23 of the popula-tion but accounted for 61 of
sexual assault victimssup1
In spite of this recovery services for male survivors of childhood abuse seem to be limited An internet search for services in the Toronto area yields services for gay bi or transgendered men and a group for men against violence of women While these services are necessary and valuable what about the guys who need to deal with the sexual abuse they experienced as children rather than their sexual preference Apparently there is no lack of need since the above quoted report suggests that boys are just as likely
to be sexually abused as little girlssup2 One might argue that little boys are
even more likely to be abused since access to male children is more readily achieved Common sense suggests that one is more likely to leave their male children with coaches male babysitters male teachers ldquoUncle Ernierdquo and so forth than they would ever leave their young daughters This is in spite of the fact that the majority of the perpetrators ldquoreported as
malerdquosup3 It has often been suggested that incidents of sexual abuse of boys is under-reported
If the abuse of boys is under-reported the need for services may not be apparent As an example of this Irsquod like to tell you a short story In 1977-78 in Windsor On-tario my home town there was a detox centre But it was a male-only facil-ity In those days if a man was picked up for being drunk in a public place he was taken to the detox unless it was deter-mined that he was dangerously close to overdosing or had incurred some sort of an injury in which case he was taken to hospital In that same city a blue collar hard working town women who over-drank and were picked up drunk were taken to hospital if it was deemed that they were in physical trouble But if that was not the case women were taken to Jail At that time a com-mittee was struck to find out why
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoThose of us offering
services are not
connected and donrsquot
seem to know one
another except perhaps
for the few agencies
that do work with menrdquo
February 2009
Page 11
out But we also know that many try but cannot ldquoget over itrdquo much as they would like to Sadly we also know that some end up using addiction and or violence and end up in jail or treatment and never report the abuse (I wonder how many men who are in jail for vio-lent acts have been abused as boys mdash but that is another arti-cle) Some end up dead Where are all these men Are they suffering in silence
Free or close to free workshops for male survi-vors have been offered but few men come out Perhaps the adverts for such offerings are not read by these men or their partners Yet invariably when a man does finally access services he reports the difficulty he has had finding such services Is that too a lack of good PR It seems that the lack of information and the lack of coordinating ser-vices as well as the lack of the ability to document the need have all contributed to the situation we face Those of us offering services are not connected and donrsquot seem to know one another except per-haps for the few agencies that do work with men
In September of 2008 the Archdio-cese of Toronto gave the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness a small grant to help me partner with
others to offer groups for men This has been difficult to accom-plish Despite all the emails sent out only one person responded and unfortunately she is out of the area How does it happen How do those of us working in this field connect collaborate and use each other as referrals and consultants
It is a difficult situation
Originally when asked to write this article about the ser-vices in my area I waxed eloquent about how we are all protecting our little clinical kingdom reluc-tant to share information or lose clients But
upon reflection I wonder if that is true Could it be truer that others like me are busy doing what we do best mdash working with our clients mdash thus leaving less time for what we do not do best investigate and find others working with the same clientele Am I guilty of just that I wonder
The next obvious question is how How do we get out the word that ldquoyou are not the only onerdquo to a man who was abused in childhood As we are aware men often donrsquot get help until they end up in some sort of trouble with relationships addictions or recovering from depression or suicidal attempts Or Jail Sadly they donrsquot get help there except possibly for anger management
Perhaps we can speculate that as more information regarding male childhood abuse becomes avail-able more men will come forward but if they come forward we have to have a network of people to be there It is so difficult for a man to attempt to get help mdash even more difficult if he finds places he has reached out to turn him away because they donrsquot how to help him or where to send him
Irsquove attempted in my limited way to get the message out that men need to know that they are not alone that six out of 10 boys have been or will be abused by age 18 that healing is possible and healing is a private issue Men need not suffer in silence and can stop past abuse from damaging their lives just as MaleSurvivor has helped The trouble seems to be that those who read this are not those who need to read it Too many ques-tions and not enough answers
My only plan at this point is to send the link for this edition of the newsletter highlighting Canada to everyone I can find in the hopes that somehow we service providers can have a conference workshop meeting or whatever to find each other and start working on getting the message out that we are here and we know something about how to help
Endnotes
sup1 UN report reveals ldquoshockingrdquo levels of violence against children
sup2 See httpwwwjimhoppercommale-ab
sup3 This is a discussion for another occasion
ldquoThe Cycle Stoppedrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 12
My Journey to MaleSurvivor
By Rob Hawkings MA
I was asked a few weeks ago if I would write an article for the MaleSurvivor newsletter telling
the story of how I came to be in-volved in working with male survi-vors most recently as the newest member of the Weekends of Recov-ery leadership team My initial reaction was an enthusiastic ldquoNo problem great ideardquo And I do think it is a great idea I remember back to about 1989 when I attended mdash as a par-ticipant mdash my first therapeutic weekend for men who had ex-perienced childhood sexual abuse how difficult it was to trust anyone enough mdash par-ticularly male author-ity figures mdash to talk openly about my experience and feelings and how much easier it was after the leaders had modeled appropriate trust and self-disclosure I see this autobio-graphical article as an opportunity to begin to earn your trust
A few days later it hit me that what I had undertaken was not a one-to-one direct personal exchange or confined to a self-help setting or therapy group or retreat it was go-ing to be published on the Inter-net mdash for anyone to read mdash forever After 21 years of personal recovery
including almost 20 years as a counselor and psychotherapist I am quite comfortable disclosing my status as a survivor and whatever pieces of my story will be helpful in therapeutic settings mdash but this is different This is not contained Ah well as I have been told many times along my journey There are no accidents look for signs of syn-
chronicity and take advantage of opportunities for growth So here goes
Counseling and psychotherapy is a second career for me to which I aspired as a teenager a natural choice given that one of my child-hood roles as the eldest son in an alcoholic home was to be confi-dant and counselor to my suffering mother Looking back it is a very good thing I got diverted from that career path while at university Blind to my personal issues and
without the support and life experi-ence to handle my deeply buried emotions I would have made a terrible mdash and perhaps dangerous mdash therapist I am grateful that I did not revisit this career path until age 39 after I had begun a personal healing journey Up to that point I had managed to achieve an appar-ently successful life (at that time I
was in the corporate business world) but addictive behavior and underlying abuse-related issues had progressed to the point where I was unable to hold my house of cards together I realize now that the ensu-ing marital and pro-fessional melt-down was both unavoid-able and necessary in order for the healing to begin
The high quality of the self-help and
professional therapy I was blessed to experience in the early stages of my own recovery reawakened (on a much healthier footing this time) my passion to be doing that kind of work as a professional Organiz-ing self-help retreats led to training to be an addictions counselor serv-ing a year ldquoin the trenchesrdquo of front-line addictions treatment (invaluable experience) and then working half-time for two years as a therapist in hospital-based psy-chiatric day-treatment programs
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Journey Uncredited Photo
February 2009
Page 13
during which time I began a private practice The part-time private practice filled quickly (and became full-time after two years) with re-covering alcoholics and addicts adult children of alcoholics and increasingly adult survivors of sex-ual abuse
It was while I was working that first year in a menrsquos residential addic-tion treatment facility that men be-gan to disclose to me that they had been sexually abused as boys These emotionally charged disclo-sures were always one-on-one and curiously were occurring way more often with me than with other counselors on staff I say ldquocuriouslyrdquo because I was curious as to why this was happening It was only that same year in context of self-help support and professional help that I ldquoconnected the dotsrdquo between my own sex-ual abuse as a boy and the problems that had developed in my life I did not yet fully understand as I do now that with the highly sensitive ldquoradarrdquo that survivors seem to have these men were recognizing in me an empathetic kindred spirit who would somehow relate to their is-sues To learn to help these men (and to help myself) along a heal-ing path I began to seek out any and all training I could find on the subject
In those early years I learned mostly from women in the feminist movement who had been aware of the impact of sexual abuse for dec-ades and were far ahead of men in helping each other heal Much of what they knew and so generously shared was also useful in working with men There are however ma-jor differences and I was fortunate in connecting with some of the pioneers (Mike Lew among others) who were researching and articulat-ing those differences and how to address them in recovery Over succeeding years I continued to gain experience doing one-on-one
therapy with male survivors and in lead-ing and supervising group-based pro-grams for a succes-sion of Ontario agen-cies Along the way I have been honored to serve as clinical consultant for two treatment handbooks on working with men who have experi-enced childhood sex-ual abuse
A significant experi-ence professionally for me was leaving
my private practice for five years (2000-2005) to work full-time as a Program Development Specialist at Bellwood Health Services a 60-bed in-patient addictions treatment fa-cility in Toronto It was stimulating and rewarding to play lead roles in designing and implementing Can-adarsquos first residential treatment program for sexual addiction and Canadarsquos first truly concurrent
treatment program for soldiers and veterans with substance depend-ency and post-traumatic stress (I like the term ldquoOperational Stress Injuryrdquo adopted by the Canadian military which encompasses the whole spectrum of clinical and sub-clinical combat-related stress disor-ders not just psychiatrically diag-nosable PTSD)
At this point in my life and career (as of 2005) I and my second wife (I have been happily remarried now for close to ten years) have chosen to ldquosemi-retirerdquo to the small town of Deep River Ontario about a six-hour drive north of Toronto where I maintain a part-time private prac-tice providing counseling therapy training and consulting in two of the specialties I am known for re-covery for male survivors of child-hood sexual abuse and sexual ad-diction recovery I also ldquokeep my hand inrdquo in the field of combat-related post-traumatic stress treat-ment by working two days a week as an addictions counselor at a large nearby Canadian Forces Base (in Petawawa) which is sending units regularly to Afghanistan and where we are seeing growing num-bers of soldiers self-medicating their post-traumatic stress symp-toms with addictive behavior and substances
Deep River affords us a wonderfully quiet and gently paced lifestyle in a part of the country with beautiful natural surroundings and consis-tently and gloriously clean air but it poses some challenges This town is where I grew up and where the abuse happened There are ldquoghosts
(Continued on page 15)
ldquoIn those early years I
learned mostly from
women in the feminist
movement who had
been aware of the
impact of sexual abuse
for decades and were far
ahead of men in helping
each other healrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 14
My Weekend of Recovery
By Robert L
M y Weekend of Recovery was a phenomenal ex-perience Phenomenal
The more time that passes the more I realize how much of a posi-tive impact the WOR has had on me Since the WOR things have opened up and my recovery is accelerating
Given the positive experi-ence it is hard to believe that I was somewhat hesitant to attend While I was very excited when I first signed up months in advance some personal issues arose by the time the WOR came around and I seriously considered backing out Thankfully I did not
By way of background I have known about my abuse all my life No flashbacks for me it was always front and center I tried to deal with it as best as I could alone I first spoke about the abuse at age 19 telling my first real love interest about it Disclosing my past only to love interests became a pattern for me until I could no longer handle the pain and started individual therapy at age 31 (six years ago)
The individual therapy has been very helpful I have learned a lot
about myself particularly by ex-ploring areas that I did not even think were part of the equation The therapy also helped a lot of the pain go away
My biggest single problem remains relationships or the lack thereof In actuality I have never had a ldquorealrdquo relationship Instead I keep repeat-ing the same patterns of falling for girls who cannot be emotionally available to me who are often
survivors themselves and are often already in a relationship with an-other man Clearly I needed to add something to my individual ther-apy
Over the past six years I have considered group therapy but
could not find a suitable group A few months before the WOR my therapist gave me a copy of Mike Lewrsquos book Victims No Longer As I read the book I realized that I was a ldquotextbook caserdquo and thought that surely there must be a ldquotextbook solutionrdquo (that I obviously could not find over six years of individual therapy) Naiumlve or not I decided to search for a group once again My online search led me to
the MaleSurvivor website Imagine my pleasant surprise when I discov-ered that a WOR was coming to my city I signed up immediately
I was literally the first survivor to arrive at Mysthaven and was so anxious to ldquoget the show on the roadrdquo While wait-ing for the others to arrive I spent my time looking around trying to make myself feel at home It did not take long for that to happen As I entered the main room I was faced with dozens of t-shirts made by past WOR attendees and it moved me to tears I was surely in a place where I belonged
Eventually the others arrived and we began the opening ceremony It was so well thought out Actually everything was well thought out right from the opening to the closing ceremonies I noticed a lot
In the First Person
ldquoI Know I Am Not Shamefulrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 15
of nice little touches and appreci-ated all of them
After the opening ceremony we did a ldquosafetyrdquo exercise in which everyone had a chance to express his needs for a safe environment (for instance I cannot have people touch my neck) We all committed to abide by the safety rules This turned out to be one of the best parts of the WOR because at no time whatsoever did I feel judged or unsafe in any way I cannot recall ever being in such an atmosphere before
We went through a lot of activities and exercises over the weekend Some of these included small groups breathing exercises (grounding) telling our story ldquosculptingrdquo shame busting commu-nity building art and mindfulness walks
I liked the small groups the best I felt there was an excellent fit among the facilitators my fellow survivors and me I had ample opportunity to say what I wanted to say and welcomed all the feed-back After years of individual ther-apy it was great to finally connect with other male survivors in a group setting I learned from my fellow survivors and it also put my recovery into perspective
The shame busting exercise was also incredible It is one thing to talk about creating intimacy it is another to learn how to do it ac-
from the pastrdquo on every street cor-ner mdash and I am finding them a greater challenge than I antici-pated It has been much easier (surprisingly) and a hugely empow-ering victory for me to transform the house we now inhabit mdash where some of the abuse occurred in my childhood mdash into the safest and most comfortable home I have ever known Deep River is relatively iso-lated from the colleagues I have come to know and trust over many years and I take every opportunity to join them whenever and wher-ever I can for trainings and work-shops I am also learning to rely more on the telephone and the Internet to maintain my personal and professional circles of support My journey of growth and healing continues It is not without hurdles and challenges but at this stage it is filled with blessings not the least of which are my two children (now adults) and the relationships I now enjoy with them Life now is better than I could ever have imagined and I welcome the challenges
Which brings me to the present blessing and challenge namely joining the leadership team of the MaleSurvivor Weekends of Recov-ery I have many strong family and professional connections in the United States and I welcome this opportunity to work with a geo-graphically and culturally broader range of men and women who share my values principles and passion for recovery I look forward to meeting and working with some of you
My Journey (Continued from page 13)
tively After the movement exercise one of the facilitators told me that I ldquolooked beautiful out thererdquo I did not believe or understand that comment at the time but I think I do now and it still makes me cry to think of it The comment made me feel that someone saw the ldquorealrdquo me regardless of what I look
like on the outside It also made me realize that I had forgotten how to ldquoplayrdquo I really did feel like a playful child during the exer-cise and I cannot think of the last time that I experienced such a feeling
Since the WOR I have stepped up my recov-ery process I attend weekly groups and keep in regular con-
tact with a few fellow WOR partici-pants I have also bought many self-help books started journaling and increased my time on the MaleSur-vivor forums
I see a dramatic difference in my-self since the WOR I feel more positive and more at peace I can also talk more freely about the abuse and no longer feel shame The bottom line is that I have moved from being a victim to being a SURVIVOR
Words cannot express my gratitude to the WOR team and my fellow survivors I really appreciate the individual chats and felt that every-one was genuinely interested in my recovery Thank you I love you all
ldquoThe shame busting
exercise was also
incredible It is one
thing to talk about
creating intimacy it is
another to learn how to
do it activelyrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 16
high schools were resistant to al-lowing staff members to enter their school and provide educational programs Having a male on staff proved to be beneficial and the program grew rapidly Fortunately mdash and unfortunately mdash the media be-gan writing articles about me and the educational programs Once the Ministry folks became aware a man was on the payroll of the cen-tre my position was terminated I was told that funding was specifi-cally designed for women to pro-
vide services for women To the credit of the crisis centre they had me volun-teer for six months until they could se-cure funding from the local United Way They seemed less concerned about a man wanting to pro-vide services to peo-ple in need
History was being made We became the first sexual assault crisis centre in Canada to open a separate satellite office for a
menrsquos program This was not something celebrated by all crisis centres I was asked to advocate for men but to keep quiet at the same time The program became very successful and more and more male survivors were asking for ser-vices Unfortunately in 2002 the local United Way decided to reduce their support after having a trou-
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
The Circle of Compassion
By Tom Wilken
T hanks to Dale English of the MaleSurvivor newsletter for asking me to write an article
about my experiences working with male sexual abuse survivors in Can-ada As an advocate it seems like the journey of working with survi-vors has many societal obstacles but we are moving forward slowly but surely I often wonder why it is so challenging for Canadians to include male survivors into the circle of compas-sion
In 1991 I accepted a role with the local sexual assault crisis centre and attended one of their training programs On the first day the female facili-tator looked at me and said ldquoyou must be a brave manrdquo I had no idea what she was talking about at the time but I sure do now For the next eleven years I was employed in an adversarial political roller coaster ride that made advocating for men a daunting task Nevertheless I am very thankful for that opportunity I started as a part-time support worker counseling men My posi-tion evolved and included the role of an Education Co-Coordinator The crisis centre found the local
bling fund raising year Since the gender of the clientele was male the crisis centre was unable to top up funding and the male program was removed from the services of-fered by this crisis centre This may sound discriminatory and perhaps even a human rights issue because it is In Canada we pride ourselves in celebrating diversity but unfor-tunately that does not always in-clude the needs of male survivors
Something exciting happened in 2002 Health Canada asked me to update their ldquoAdult Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse - Overview Pa-perrdquo which was distributed throughout the country by the Na-tional Clearinghouse on Family Vio-lence Until that point in time the Overview Paper was predominately written about the concerns of fe-male survivors without any equality for the concerns of male survivors There was some resistance voiced by a crisis centre about a man writ-ing about both genders but Health Canada took a chance and re-quested I complete the Overview Paper that spoke to the similarities and differences regarding the re-covery process of both genders This paper was considered success-ful and a second printing was needed to meet the requests by Canadians This was so rewarding for me and it helped me to realize that there is hope for male survi-vors
Facilitating groups for male survi-vors was an exciting part of my role at the crisis centre Being with men who are being ldquorealrdquo and sup-
ldquoThe Canadian
government has known
for years that 37 of
sexual abuse survivors
under the age of 21 are
male however they do
not open their hearts for
male survivors and
welcome them into the
circle of compassionrdquo
February 2009
Page 17
ple as well The main difference was they responded to their woundedness in a different fashion It is estimated that on any given day there are over 100000 people on probation in the province of Ontario It is also estimated that up to 80 of these folks may have been sexually abused This equates
to 80000 sexual abuse survivors who are on probation most of whom are male We also know that 59 of people in prison are sexual abuse survivors Sadly probation officers are not trained in sexual abuse recovery issues It is interest-ing to note that I work with more male survivors as a Probation Offi-cer than when I worked at the crisis centre When people are not given healthy outlets for expressing their anger it can manifest in less desir-able ways
I started the ldquoWe Want to Knowrdquo project in 2003 which was partially sponsored by the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness and the now
porting one another throughout the healing process is truly a magi-cal experience The men receiving services were both grateful and angry They were grateful to be receiving services but angry these services were not available when they were younger They wondered why so many other male survivors
are not given the same opportunity to heal Seven men from group consented to having their healing journey documented during thirty weeks of group counseling Thus the book Rebuilding Your House of Self Respect Men Recovering from Childhood Sexual Abuse first edi-tion was in the works
In 2002 I accepted a position as a Probation Officer with the Ministry of Community Safety and Correc-tional Services After working with victims for over a decade I won-dered if the adjustment to working with offenders was possible It did-nrsquot take long to realize that people who offended were wounded peo-
closed Windsor Family Forum We were able to fulfill the dream of the seven courageous men from group by distributing copies of the RYHSR book to agencies throughout Can-ada
Millions of dollars are spent in Can-ada for sexual assault crisis centres and other programs for female sur-
vivors These valuable programs for women are underfunded but un-fortunately there are rarely any services specifically for men The Canadian government has known for years that 37 of sexual abuse survivors under the age of 21 are male however they do not open their hearts for male survivors and welcome them into the circle of compassion
In 2007 the Diocese of London Ontario provided funding for my business Hope amp Healing Associ-ates and the Silence to Hope (STH) project was born The Diocese in-creased their funding from $30000
(Continued on page 18)
A Circle of Compassion (uncredited photo)
Vol 2 No 2
Page 18
material to the Ministry of Commu-nity Safety and Correctional Ser-vices the Ministry of Children and Youth Services Victim Services the Ontario Provincial Police and other various other agencies Over 1500 free copies of the second edition of my book Rebuilding Your House of Self Respect Men Recovering in Group from Childhood Sexual Abuse are being distributed to sur-vivors and agencies working with male survivors Lynne MacDonell has received funding from the Arch-diocese of Toronto and is assisting male survivors in central Ontario Her Help amp Hope Project is similar
to the STH project
The STH project was fortunate to partner with Howard Fradkin of MaleSurvivor and his Weekend of Re-covery facilitation team who came to Canada in November 2008 This was quite a treat for Canadian male survivors The expertise of the Frad-kin team provided a
high-caliber experience not nor-mally available to Canadians The feedback from participants indi-cated these men felt truly blessed to be part of this experience In 2009 I hope to write a workbook for male survivors that will accom-pany the second edition of the RYHSR book Ellen Campbell and the CCAA plan to partner with the STH project and provide free cop-ies of this workbook as part of a joint education and awareness pro-gram I am presently updating a Directory of Services for Health
in 2007 to $60000 in 2008 to $75000 in 2009 Thanks to the generosity of the Diocese we are able to provide support groups information and referral services education and awareness pro-grams The Diocese not only wanted us to help males who were victimized by priests but any male survivors
In the early stages we recognized that our communities were not pro-viding a safe and supportive envi-ronment for men to step out of isolation Various agencies were con-tacting me and shared their frustra-tions about not hav-ing places to refer men who were sexu-ally abused as chil-dren It became pain-fully evident how un-educated Canadian service providers are on the needs of men and sexual abuse One of the main focuses of the STH project is our education and aware-ness program and group facilita-tion
As sad as the present situation is for male survivors we are making progress The STH project has part-nered with agencies throughout our area and two agencies from our bigger cities are providing group facilitation on a year round basis We are partnering with the Cana-dian Centre for Abuse Awareness (CCAA) and providing educational
Circle of Compassion (Continued from page 17)
Canada and the National Clearing-house on Family Violence called Combining Voices This directory lists all agencies throughout the Country that provide services to male and female survivors
ldquoCollective denialrdquo is strong throughout Canada but there is HOPE There seems to be an im-portant shift in thinking taking place Several years ago the topic of working with male survivors was not to be spoken about however people are now more receptive to exploring the needs of a much ne-glected portion of the population More men are requesting services and more group counseling oppor-tunities are presenting themselves It appears that more and more Ca-nadian agencies are starting to rec-ognize the importance of including male survivors into the circle of compassion Every time we have articles in the media more men seem to come out of isolation My biggest concerns include the lack of funding by the government If this topic is not talked about and if a safe and supportive environment for men is not created men will go back into silence and isolation This work seems to be driven from the ldquobottom uprdquo and not the ldquotop downrdquo We need good men and women to talk more openly about the needs of male survivors ldquoCollective denialrdquo thrives when good people keep silent Survivors are not living in total isolation they are fathers brothers husbands workers community members and they are valuable human beings
We are proud to join MaleSurvivor in making this world a better place
ldquorsquoCollective denialrsquo is
strong throughout
Canada but there is
HOPE There seems to
be an important shift in
thinking taking placerdquo
February 2009
Page 19
This Boyrsquos Life
By Jordan M
M y life began as any other a happy boy in a happy nuclear family It
was a time when my biggest worry was my brother threatening to tattle on me for sneaking a cookie up to bed I was young and the life I was living was exactly how it should have been carefree and devoid of the messy thoughts and situations which I would soon come to know all too well I was a boy and without trying to sound too clicheacuted I was innocent Pure
My parentsrsquo nasty divorce popped that bubble I loved my family more than anything and the di-vorce ripped us apart Mom and Dad were too busy fighting each other to notice anything that was happening with me or my siblings We were pushed aside used as bargaining tools I felt like a pawn Mom convincing us that Dad was a bad guy Dad convincing us that Mom was to blame Being the third child of five I was lost I withdrew and I stayed as far away from any sort of family situation as I could I didnrsquot know whom to trust
Time passed and things leveled and Mom married again but her taste in men had changed since Dad Her new husband seemed to hate children and he made sure that was known He was a violent man and my family and I paid the price I felt more lost than ever I was all alone in a hell that I was not prepared for Looking for some
kind of calm in this storm I started spending more time with Dad on his farm
Dad had met and moved in with another woman as well and unlike my new step-dad I liked her I thought that this could be my escape I could stay with Dad and be safe Go back to being a kid again Live that normal life I used to have
Not only did Dadrsquos new girlfriend move in so did her brother mdash my new step-uncle of sorts He was great The coolest guy Irsquod ever met We got along he played with me we watched mov-ies we went out we did everything He paid attention to me and I sud-denly felt less alone He was that person whom I could trust He was the man who would help me through all this crap at home He was the one that cared I didnrsquot just have a new step-uncle I had a new friend a new guardian someone who was there for me I latched on I bought his trick mdash hook line and sinker
The sexual abuse began and after the initial shock frankly I got used to it Although I hated it he as-sured me it was ok This is what should be happening between a 12 year old boy and 32 year old man who have a special relationship like
the one we did I believed him All I had to do was comply with his sexual desires and he would remain there for me I was willing to pay that price to keep this man in my life Somewhere in the back of my little mind I knew it was wrong but
I wouldnrsquot tell a soul It was our little secret our special relation-ship Nobody could know but us
It went on for years and for years I grew more and more dis-tant from people from myself and from the world I attempted a few times to get away but there was no where to go Either I live in an abusive hell with Mom or I cater to my step-unclersquos desires at my
Dadrsquos Which is the lesser evil
I went back and forth from house to house each time growing a little more resilient a little harder Time went on and I wasnrsquot that little boy anymore Age was on my side now and I wanted it to stop
Mom did get rid of the mistake she married after a while but soon found a new one and I promised myself that I would not stand for another day in this hell The first time this new guy laid a hand on me I gave Mom an ultimatum him or me She chose him I was gone
(Continued on page 20)
In the First Person
ldquoAlthough I hated [the
abuse] he assured me it
was ok This is what
should be happening
between a 12 year old
boy and 32 year old
man who have a special
relationship like the one
we did I believed himrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 20
been chasing me the whole time and it was catching up
The lure of the big city called me and I began spending nights and weekends in Toronto Attempting to end the emptiness I began searching for ways to fill it I got hooked on drugs became an ad-dict I became hard Mean Nothing could touch me Fear couldnrsquot stand in my way The worst had already happened I thought what I was feeling was freedom but free was the farthest thing from the truth I was trapped trapped in anger and guilt and shame
The deep desire to be taken care of continued to force its way to the surface and take on new extremes My cutting habit that I had devel-
I left home at 16 I figured that anything was better than staying where I was This was going to be a new start for me It was going to be different this time I promised myself that I would make it
I was wrong Again
Life on your own at 16 is not an easy one mdash new city no friends barely any money Schools wouldnrsquot accept me apartments wouldnrsquot let a kid occupy a unit I was alone I was really alone this time It took
time but I eventually managed a bit of a life for myself and was able to get through high school but it didnrsquot come easy My past had
This Boyrsquos Life (Continued from page 19)
oped as a young teen had ex-ploded and I began to brutally beat myself in hopes that somebody would notice maybe take me to hospital Take care of me It didnrsquot work It never worked There was only one thing that worked sex
Hustling made me feel powerful Men would pay to be with me Itrsquos all I felt I was good at seducing men And it was a power that I so badly thought I needed As bad as I was treated the glimpse of con-trol that I felt was enough to keep me going back But all I was doing was allowing myself to be abused
over and over again It just lead me further and further down
The years passed and I lost all feeling I forgot how to feel I knew
A Sliver of Light copy 2009 Timothy Andrew
February 2009
Page 21
only three emotions happiness sadness and anger And it was the anger that consumed me Anything could set me off I was a ticking time-bomb I began to wonder if any sort of normal life would ever happen for me
I was ready to give up to accept that this was what God had planned for me but somewhere inside that messed up 20 year old head of mine there was a sliver of light the same light that was there when I was a child the light that only had to worry about sneaking a cookie up to bed And I knew that that tiny glimpse of light was the real me If I could find a way to broaden its beam I would be able to peel back all the layers of abuse and discover who I really am
I searched I called crisis lines I went to free therapy sessions I attempted to try to understand why I was like I was but I kept hitting dead ends Nobody seemed to know how to help me me a male survivor
Nothing would last The little help I did receive all faded All I really got were programs and information and books and flyers Then I found Lynne MacDonells number I called her late one night She agreed to meet with me and quickly got me
into her mens group ldquoA Time for Menrdquo
The group literally saved my life For the first time I knew I wasnt alone There were other men who had been through what I had been through and they genuinely cared for me It has been over three years
now and it is still difficult Although I have put an end to the coping mecha-nisms mdash the drugs and the cutting mdash itrsquos the feelings that still manage to give me a struggle As survivors we have to sort out our insides Our guts Our feelings All that stuff was ripped out mixed up and thrown back in when we were abused We have to retrain our brains learn how to think how to feel how to trust how to love At times I feel like Irsquom an emotional infant as if my body kept
growing after my uncle abused me but my mind didnrsquot That was the main issue when I finally decided that I needed to be on the path of recovery So I focused and I began
I look forward to those two hours every Monday night because I know I can say and share anything I want and I will not be judged I am safe there I am safe to peel back those layers of abuse and discover the real me who I was really meant to be not this husk of
a human being that I had been living as for so many years
Since joining the group I have finished university got my degree I am free of drugs and self-harming I have a good job and a much healthier lifestyle and I have come out with my secret about sexual abuse
I am not ashamed of who I am anymore It is a long and tough uphill battle and it is still far from over but I know that I have plenty of people helping me fight this battle Our group is more that just a support group We are a family a brotherhood of survivors deter-mined to help each other and spread the word
It was hope That light the real memdashit was hope As survivors some-times all we have to go on is hope and that is why we need to remem-ber that there is ALWAYS hope There never needs to be a dead end That tiny sliver of light exists in all of us you just have to find it
ldquoAs survivors
sometimes all we have
to go on is hope and
that is why we need to
remember that there is
ALWAYS hope There
never needs to be a
dead end That tiny
sliver of light exists in
all of us you just have
to find itrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 22
My Story
by Bruce M
A s I start to write this article I find myself sitting in front of the house where I was
first sexually abused I donrsquot know why I am here but I am Perhaps it is my way of being in control which I certainly wasnrsquot for a very long time It was really not that long ago before I avoided this area of the city entirely mdash never mind sitting on the street in front of the home where I was sexually as-
saulted
I am now 42 years old and have a partner who supports me more than I could have ever asked for I am in love and
although I thought I loved others before now I really know what love is For many years I was so secretly dysfunctional that most people were under the impression that I had it all together but that was furthest from the truth I was a good actor
I grew up in a middle class suburb of Toronto I was the youngest of three kids I was diagnosed with ADD and was given Ritalin to ldquosettle me downrdquo I think that Ritalin was an easy out for my parents I needed more one on one interac-tion and understanding rather than a drug regimen which suited their
needs I clearly remember my pe-diatrician back then coaching my parents on what I needed mdash and many of his recommendations went ignored In their minds it seemed that all I needed was Ritalin
I had very few true friends Most people found my hyperactivity to be too much My mother was a practicing alcoholic (thankfully sober for about 28 years now) and my father was nothing short of physically abusive mdash mainly to my sister and me but also to my brother from what I understand My father had out-bursts of rage during which he would beat me with a dog leash and his fist Once he shoved my head down a toilet and told me that is where I belonged I donrsquot know if many people could appreciate how horrible it was to be told that As long as I live I will never for-get how I felt when he said that
When I was 12 years old I was enrolled in basketball That year I excelled and my team ended up winning the champion-ship This was a great confidence boost that I really needed I had finally found something that I was good at The second year was not so great My assistant basketball
coach was a sexual predator who saw a shy and troubled boy in me and decided that he would look after his own needs This guy was a medical doctor so he knew what he was doing and started what I now understand was a very intense grooming process He talked to me about my hyperactivity my motherrsquos alcoholism and my fatherrsquos abuse As I remember back he brought these things up often while he was getting to know me
After a period of time he invited me to his home one day on the pretence of my coming over to rake leaves Once there he invited me to his basement where he
Moving On
Bruce M
Bruce M during the time of his abuse
February 2009
Page 23
matum He said that if I would not come to his house we could no longer be friends I donrsquot know how I did it but I decided that I did not want to go to his house and that was the end of that I now know that he went on to find an-other victim
For nearly the next two decades I struggled with life To add insult to injury I knew that I was a gay male and after the abuse I figured that this was what a gay relation-ship was like and I didnrsquot want it I lacked direction with almost everything I did For a while I was practically homeless because I was staying with one friend after another putting myself in situations where I could be abused again and again I was con-stantly haunted with
guilt because I was sure that the man who abused me was abusing other boys
Finally one day I came forward and told the police about my abuse They charged this man and I quickly learned that this perpetra-tor was one of the nastiest that I have come across to this day He had deep pockets and fought ruthlessly I was followed by private investigators my friends were approached by private investigators
made it clear that his gentle kind supportive ways would have a cost to me I remember hating the experience This disgusting smelling man was more than repulsive Would you believe that I went back Well I did Most other vic-tims of sexual abuse will under-
stand why better than those who have not been there I wanted to be cared for and listened to so badly that for a while I just put up with the abuse This guy came to my school at lunch and let me drive his car around the back streets I was too young and imma-ture to realize that this was not a kind gesture but more grooming that would give him access to what he wanted Eventually he got an-noyed that I would avoid going to his house so he gave me an ulti-
for interviews and he hired some of Canadarsquos best attorneys to get him out of his charges When I went to court to testify at a prelimi-nary trial he had people there to threaten me in the halls of the court and the bathrooms The criminal case went on and on and eventually to the Supreme Court of Canada for a ruling about my con-sent All in all it has been a very intense process which went on so long that the case was thrown out because of delay He is still not out of hot water because the College of Physicians and Surgeons went after him and I had to testify at that hearing too which is still going on to this day
Last fall I completed my third Weekend of Recovery and al-though I have been in private ther-apy for close to four years and have been a part of a menrsquos group in Toronto nothing compares to the results that I achieved from attending the Weekends of Recov-ery The weekend program and the connections that I made with other guys and therapists have been instrumental in giving me a push forward allowing me to have some happiness and a meaningful rela-tionship which I was never able to have before
Life is not perfect but I can tell you that it is so much better than it was a few years ago and it is getting better all the time
Bruce M during the time of his abuse
Vol 2 No 2
Page 24
nor injury well that was his cue He took me into a medical room and closed the door He examined my knee and soon the subject changed That was the first time that I was sexually assaulted
Over the years this repulsive man be-came my coach in both hockey and baseball He was a central figure at the arena and the base-ball diamond He was the one involved in all the fundraisers and came to be known as ldquothe guy who would do any-thing for the kidsrdquo Most of the parents loved him mdash but not mine He drank with parents partied with them all while he ldquotook carerdquo of us kids
The first time I was abused at the arena I told someone older than I I did so again when I was 15 What was I to do Neither time did the adults take appropriate action and you guessed it everything was swept under the carpet So I did the only thing I knew how to do mdash I stuffed it
Growing up was a difficult time for me because of the abuse and the fact that I suffered with ADHD and anxiety (undiagnosed at the time) My sisters did well in school how-ever I didnrsquot I would work my tail off get a ldquoCrdquo and then would be told to work harder or asked if I
A Victim No More
by Glenn Allan
M y name is Glenn Allan and I grew up in Stoney Creek Ontario Canada
By all rights I should have been dead years ago I am a recovering alcoholic and cocaine addict and I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse I donrsquot want my story to become an ldquoabuse or addiction-aloguerdquo so I wonrsquot get into graphic details or talk about every abusive situation
Please keep an open mind as this is my story
I was wel-comed into a loving yet dysfunctional family in February of 1964 I have four sisters
nine nieces and nephews two great-nieces and one great-nephew My story begins around the age of seven I loved skating and playing hockey I was always told ldquoYoursquove gotta practice to get betterrdquo and so I did I would play as much ice and road hockey as I could and my sis-ters would take me public skating It was at public skating that my abuser first spotted me and as-saulted me I fell during one of those skating sessions and hurt my knee My abuser was a skating monitor that day and when I needed medical attention for a mi-
were dumb My frustrations grew mdash if only they knew that there was a hurting little boy inside But I was a boy who was too afraid to say that he hurt or to cry mdash because ldquobig boys donrsquot cryrdquo I would get teased at home about being stupid or
asked ldquoWhy donrsquot you try harderrdquo
I couldnrsquot defend my-self verbally with my parents because that would have been ldquotalking backrdquo There were times when I would be so angry at them for picking on me for little things and I would think to myself ldquoYou are yell-ing at me for this while he (the abuser) is doing that to merdquo
Talk about frustration and built up rage I was a walking volcano I would fight all the time whether it was at school playing hockey or baseball it really didnrsquot matter why mdash all I knew was I was MAD
Over the years I slowly lost my self-esteem and self-worth I wanted to be anybody but me I idolized ath-letes like Bobby Orr Bobby Clarke and Pete Rose because of their dedication and work ethic Being a class clown I loved comedians (Steve Martin Richard Pryor Robin Williams Johnny Carson) and the entertainer in me loved singers (Elvis) and wanted so badly to be them Then maybe people would like me because there was abso-lutely no way anyone could really
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Glenn Allan
ldquoMy frustrations grewmdash
if only they knew that
there was a hurting little
boy inside But I was a
boy who was too afraid
to say that he hurt or to
crymdashbecause lsquobig boys
donrsquot cryrsquordquo
February 2009
Page 25
like or love me with the things my abuser had made me do
Because of the trauma of being abused I wet the bed until I was about 12 years of age which drained any remaining self-worth or self-esteem that I had left I was so embarrassed And then I had to tolerate ridiculous comments from people saying things like ldquoYou know that you are going to have to stop thisrdquo and ldquoYou are getting too old for thisrdquo No kidding really Did they think that I liked waking up in my own urine Did they not think that I wanted to stop Did they have any idea how their words hurt me Man oh man it was like that all the time They just didnrsquot think before they spoke
Frustrated and over-whelmed in my teens I finally found the ldquofriendrdquo that I had been looking for mdash first name ldquoALrdquo last name ldquoCOHOLrdquo I would be-come a whole new person when I drank booze and how I drank I found a brand new confidence I was somewhat funny when I drank dur-ing the early years of drinking however over time I became de-pressed and extremely angry I would fight in bars on a regular basis Then in December of 1987 I was stabbed outside a bar and nearly died Now you would think that being stabbed and nearly dy-ing would prompt a lifestyle
change or at the very least cause me to take a personal inventory of my situation and myself But not me I wore it as a badge of honour allowing the insanity to continue
It is said that if the drugs and alco-hol donrsquot kill you the lifestyle will During this time and over the years I was introduced to many criminals Their crimes ranged from murder assaults extortion and drug dealing to running massage parlours and prostitution mdash to just name a few One of my acquaint-ances was even a hired killer He
actually assassinated two reputed crime bosses in Ontario and is now serving a lengthy sentence for those and other killings
But I was drawn to their so-called power and complete disregard for the law Looking back on it I guess I was looking to reclaim the power
that was stolen from me by my abuser
In my early twenties I got a job working with Young Offenders as a Correctional Officer With the money I was making I bought a very nice sports car dated pretty women was extremely materialistic and yet I was never satisfied I worked in corrections for about four years During that time I also began my career in the world of entertainment as a voice impres-sionist and stand-up comedian as well as a co-host of a comedy tele-
vision show I had a tremendous ego and unknowingly had be-come rdquoThe Great I Amrdquo
After a couple of years I moved from comedy to producing and host-ing my own sports television program which aired for ten years I had so much fun and I was able to meet and interview some of sportsrsquo big-gest names
In my mid-20s when the alcohol wasnrsquot medicating my pain any longer I turned to
something stronger mdash COCAINE During a span of approximately ten years the combination of alcohol cocaine and all my poor choices cost me most of my jobs many of my relationships and all my money It drove me to criminal activity po-lice charges a conviction and a criminal record But most of all I
(Continued on page 26)
Alone Uncredited Photo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 26
was lost Glenn was slowly dying inside me I became depressed and despondent and I hated so many people But most of all I hated my-self
I had attempted suicide on a few occasions and I really and truly had a death wish I hated myself so much that on Friday January 16 1998 loaded with a supply of co-caine and booze I booked myself into a hotel room with no intention of coming out alive Friday night and Saturday passed with me drinking and getting high on co-caine After having more cocaine delivered to me on Sunday after-noon there was no turning back mdash or so I thought Approximately at midnight on Sunday I made my final decision mdash it was time for me to leave this stinking world I ingested enough cocaine to kill me and then I barricaded my hotel door and ripped the phone out of the wall I lay down on the bed defeated broken sad guilt-ridden ashamed depressed and scared yet so ready to die
Only Divine Intervention mdash some sort of miracle mdash can explain what hap-pened next The police came into my hotel room at just the right time on Sunday night and took me to the hospital Who called them how did they know to come to my room I donrsquot know Well thatrsquos not completely true Today I am a man of faith and as a Christian I know exactly who orchestrated my rescue
A Victim No More (Continued from page 25)
After a brief stay in the hospital I chose to enter the Hamilton Menrsquos Withdrawal Management Centre where I spent eleven days From there I entered an intensive addic-tion treatment centre for a six-week stay followed by a five and one half month stay at a recovery house
I have been clean and sober since Janu-ary 19 1998
I work the program of recovery intensely I was blessed with some incredible therapists who were able to break through my trust issues my rough exterior and my wall of comedy to allow me to heal I also became involved in the 12-Steps and other support groups through which I have found tremendous friendships and men-toring
Recovery is about making changes Al-though my abuser assaulted me until I was 15 years old I blamed him for all of my problems until I was 33 years old I had to change from being a pro-fessional blamer and liar to a man of responsibility character and in-tegrity It wasnrsquot easy however after many tears and lots of hard work life has gotten much better
Over time and through applying these principles I found peace se-renity and forgiveness and I also
learned how to love myself again Everything that was set in motion to harm me as a young man is now what drives me With Godrsquos help today I am able to live humbly honestly open-minded and willing to do whatever it takes to stay clean and sober while doing what I can to help others who face similar
struggles
Today I serve the Ca-nadian Centre for Abuse Awareness as the Director of the Southwestern Ontario office My mission at hand is to create a task force that will be responsible for build-ing a residential pro-gram for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
I am also the Execu-tive Producer and Host of three popular television programs Good News Sports The Edge and Living Clean Living Clean is the only live weekly interactive television program in Canada
that is designed to assist individu-als who suffer with addiction abuse andor mental illnesses
I also host The Glenn Allan Show on a local radio station in Hamil-ton ON Canada
As a motivational speaker my pres-entation entitled Youth Yak Live has enabled me to speak to thou-sands of youth nationwide since 2000 Through Youth Yak Live I
ldquoRecovery is about
making changes
Although my abuser
assaulted me until I was
15 years old I blamed
him for all of my
problems until I was 33
years old I had to
change from being a
professional blamer and
liar to a man of
responsibility character
and integrity
February 2009
Page 27
Male Survivor Groups (MSG)
By Robert Beacuterubeacute Co-founder MSG
M ale Survivor Groups (MSG) was created by a group of male survivors
of childhood sexual abuse follow-ing the death of a fellow survi-vor in Lon-don Ontario Canada The initial objec-tives were to foster cama-raderie and support for one another and also to obtain proper help
for survivors in the London area
Presently our aim is to help all male survivors and also to make our cause known It is open to all male survivors of childhood ado-lescent and adult abuse We have expanded and have supported the creation of groups across Canada and we are prepared to support the creation of groups throughout the World
Groups have been established in London Vancouver Sudbury and North Bay in Canada
Our beliefs
1 Our groups are for male survi-vors of abuse What is said in the group remains there What is stated must remain confiden-
have developed tremendous work-ing relationships with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police Ontario Provincial Police Crime Stoppers local police agencies young of-fender facilities churches self-help groups and alcohol and drug treatment centres
I also facilitate a weekly peer sup-port group for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
There was a time when I thought I would never get married and that no one could love me for who I am Colleen and I met in 1999 We both have similar pasts We both have worked through our abuse issues and are both clean and so-ber In 2001 my best friend and I married and we now have three beautiful children Ashley Brandon and Christopher Spending the rest of my life with Colleen and our family is a dream come true
The opportunity of sharing Godrsquos gifts and blessings with others is truly an honour and a privilege It is imperative that I never take these things for granted
If I can assist you or someone dear to you please donrsquot hesitate to contact me at the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness Ph 905-594-1581 or email glennccfaacom or visit these websites
wwwabusehurtscom wwwlivingcleanca wwwglennallanca
or write to me co CCAA 38 King St East PO Box 66614 Stoney Creek ON L8G 5E5
(Continued from page 26)
tial Anonymity is of the utmost importance unless the survivor has gone public But intimate details of the public person must also remain confidential Confidentiality must be assured
2 We are in the group to heal and to support each other
3 We are male survivors who want to heal and help others in the process We can be as young as 16 or as old as old can be
4 Our primary purpose is our own safe being Secondary purposes are the betterment of services for male survivors and the advancement of our cause
5 We fight on so that we may grow in solidarity
6 We are not a religious group We do use different models of functioning in our different sub-groups Ours is a healing group for more than one prob-lematic issue
7 We encourage partnerships with organisations businesses and agencies that foster the creation of services for male survivors of abuse
We have created a Facebook Group which is also open to FRIENDS who support our cause Our group is establishing partnerships with other male survivor groups in Canada and worldwide You can contact us through the Facebook page or by emailing me at berube55yahooca
Support Groups
Robert Beacuterubeacute
Vol 2 No 2
Page 28
The CCAA By Ellen Campbell [ellenccfaacom]
Founder and Executive Director Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness
A s some of you know the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness (CCAA) is a
national non-government charitable organization dedicated to eliminat-ing child abuse through advocacy education public awareness and prevention programs With help from community and corporate partners the CCAA provides accessible support healing and indi-vidual empowerment for adult survivors their fami-lies and caregivers through over 20 programs Those that listen to classic rock station Q107 in the To-ronto region will recognize us as their charity of choice through Derringerrsquos Thir-teen Days of Christmas campaign
Based in Newmarket On-tario the CCAA is an active and vibrant organization that in addition to its variety of program offer-ings is also involved in public safety advocacy That advo-cacy started with the early release from prison of one of the perpetra-tors in the Maple Leaf Gardensrsquo child sex abuse scandal Many surviving victims were traumatized again this time by the system The
CCAA went public with its concerns that day and the public safety advocacy program was born
Later the CCAA wrote a sweeping report titled Martinrsquos Hope named in memory of Martin Kruze (the first victim to courageously go public with the story of his abuse at the Gardens and who later tragi-cally took his own life) that made 60 recommendations for legislative and policy change to the criminal justice system These recommenda-tions were gleaned from round-
table discussions with over 150 front-line criminal justice system professionals crime victims and survivors To this day members of the Kruze family sit on the CCAA Board of Directors
After the initial public release of the Martinrsquos Hope report in the fall of 2003 I knew that if repairs were to be made to the criminal justice system advocacy would have to be accelerated That advocacy began in earnest in early 2006 with the hiring of John Muise a volunteer with the CCAA and previously a Toronto police officer with signifi-cant experience in legislative and policy advocacy The hire coincided with new political winds blowing in Ottawa The CCAArsquos full-time public
safety program was born
Relationships already in existence were strength-ened new ones were made and the CCAA intensified its advocacy with politi-cians stakeholders and other decision makers In addition the CCAA courted media attention recogniz-ing the opportunity to get our message out
That advocacy included the preparation of written briefs in support of testi-mony before a number of decision making bodies including several appear-ances before the House of Commons Justice Commit-tee
ADVOCACY REWARDED The last three years have brought success on a number of fronts Progress on the criminal justice reform front is rarely if ever the result of one person or just one organization advocating for
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoMartinrsquos Hoperdquo in Memory of Martin Arnold Kruze From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 29
government Although there are specific circumstances under which the age of consent is 16 (or 18) the general age of consent remained at 14 For many in the child protection
world this has been a shame of what is otherwise a devel-oped and civilized land The fight is finally over with the passage and Royal Assent of this legisla-tion in July of 2008 This is a victory for the many people that fought the good fight and most importantly this law allows prose-cution of those adult predators who choose to sexually exploit 14
and 15 year old children
Review of federal corrections policy
In 2007 the federal government ordered an independent review of the federal corrections and parole system The CCAA attended the announcement of that review and subsequently appeared before the review team and provided detailed written recommendations for change The final report included a number of recommendations that the CCAA provided including those contained in Martinrsquos Hope A rollout of some report recommen-dations has already started includ-ing a pilot project for the use of electronic monitoring on serious and violent offenders who are on parole in communities
(Continued on page 30)
Dangerous offenders Having someone declared a dan-gerous offender is very difficult to do In fact there are fewer then 400 declared dangerous offenders in the country This amendment makes it easier to bring a dangerous offender application for a serious repeat con-victed offender before the court The end result should be we hope the detection and declaration of more dangerous offenders Dangerous offender designation is for life and results in indefinite lock-up of the offender with periodic judicial reviews
Community protection orders
Also known as ldquoSection 810rdquo orders they allow the state to monitor the activities of certain subjects mdash no longer under some form of sen-tence or other judicial release but still considered a danger mdash to be placed on a judicial order similar to a bail with control and monitoring conditions The legislation explicitly expands the controls that can be usedmdashfor example electronic moni-toringmdashand extends the length of the order from one year to two
Age of protection For longer than people care to remember advocates have fought to raise the general age of consent from 14 to 16 years of age Until recently those voices have been largely ignored by the federal
change but no one can deny the important roll played by the CCAA in advancing these reforms These are all original recommendations contained in the Martinrsquos Hope report The results as they say speak for themselves and include but are not limited to the follow-ing
Mandatory minimum sentences for Internet chi ld abuse offences
Over time courts have increasingly relied on so called ldquohouse arrestrdquo provisions (see section immediately below) when sentencing offenders found guilty of Internet child abuse and similar kinds of serious child exploitation offences The sen-tences were often way out of pro-portion to the gravity of the crimes Minimum sentences were legislated for a variety of crimes with the net effect of eliminating the ability of the court to impose ldquohouse arrestrdquo
Conditional sentences of imprisonment
Better known as ldquohouse arrestrdquo this measure brought in over a decade ago was being imposed by the courts for ever more serious of-fenders and offences Many violent and dangerous offenders were allowed to serve their term of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo at home Justice and public safety were compro-mised by this provision Although the Bill that finally passed was watered down significantly by opposition party demands the end result was a tightening of the cir-cumstances under which a sen-tence of this kind could be given
ldquoAfter the initial public
release of the Martinrsquos
Hope report in the fall
of 2003 I knew that if
repairs were to be made
to the criminal justice
system advocacy would
have to be acceleratedrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 30
munity committees and inquiries including the Federal Inquiry pre-sided over by Justice Major into the Air India bombing
Moving forward We are delighted to report that John Muise our Director of Public Safety has recently received a Governor-in-council appointment as a full-time member of the Na-tional Parole Board effective in May of 2009 Although this is a big loss
for the CCAA we are thrilled for John and we know that he will bring the same com-mitment to public safety in that position as he did with the CCAA We wish him the very best in this new and challenging role
Much progress has been made in the past three years with
more anticipated The federal gov-ernment has signaled its intention to finish the work it started and attempt a further repeal of condi-tional sentences of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo They have also said that they in-tend on amending certain aspects of parole legislation and moving on tightening up security (including drug interdiction) in federal prisons
As we kick off 2009 the CCAA has the following priorities
Enhanced training for law enforcement off icers involved in chi ld abuse
investigations The introduction of provincial ldquosafe havenrdquo legislation that would pro-
vide a distressed mother who has given birth (within 72 hours) to take her baby to a place of safety (for example fire station police station hospital emergency) no questions asked and drop the baby off The purpose is to avoid the unthinkable mdash dumpster aban-donment murder at birth This legislation exists in all 50 of the United States but has yet to to be introduced in this country
Parole reform In addition the CCAA will work with partners on two parole and corrections recommendations They include legislating breach of parole as an offence for which a police officer has a power of arrest Com-plimentary to this the replacement of statutory release (automatic release after serving two thirds of a sentence) with regular earned parole Both recommendations were included in the final report of the Corrections Review Team and had been provided with others by the CCAA
We at the CCAA believe that much has been done on the criminal justice reform and public awareness front We are grateful for the pro-gress thus far and proud of the part we have played in moving the public safety agenda along
There is still much work to be done and the CCAA will step up to carry on this most important work
Selection of judges In recognition of the importance of the justice selection process the federal government has recently expanded the scope of people selected to sit on the regional Judicial Advisory Committees tasked with vetting potential ap-pointments and providing recom-mendations to the federal Attorney General and Minister of Justice for final selection Although still dominated by judges and lawyers a wider variety of voices and minds is now part of the selection proc-ess This is welcome news I am one of those voices I sit on one of the regional committees itrsquos an appointment we can all be proud of
Gun crime and other victim focused matters
Although outside the specific man-date of the CCAA (and not included in the Martinrsquos Hope report) in recognition of the impact on com-munities and particularly at risk children and youth the CCAA also appeared before the House of Commons Committee in support of mandatory minimum sentences for serious gun crimes and for amend-ments that tighten up the bail system for those charged with serious gun-related offences
In addition several crime victim supportive briefs were prepared for a number of safe school and com-
The CCAA (Continued from page 29)
ldquoWe at the CCAA hellip are
grateful for the progress
thus far and proud of
the part we have played
in moving the public
safety agenda alongrdquo
February 2009
Page 31
higher than its current statistical significance would suggest I would suggest itrsquos about one in four of the men I deal with 25 compared to the 16 suggested in the cur-rent literature If you allow for the fact that many of the men I work with have come from dysfunctional families that have been dysfunc-tional for generations the higher rate of incidence will hardly be surprising
I really had no idea when I started this job that I would have a head-
on collision with CSA No idea at all I was in my pre-survivor life My own past experi-ences were like a dormant volcano Sure some smoke would puff out every now and then for no readily apparent rea-son but no major eruption But as I heard more and more stories told by men in their own abyss of despair and self loath-ing things started to bubble within me
I remember the first man who disclosed to me He did not really intend to He started to tell part of a story and I just knew I just knew What he did say was part of an institutional abuse situa-tion that gained public awareness in the media After that story broke many men came forward as well to tell their story of how they too were abused as boys in a school
Inside
By Geeders (Jim)
W hen I was first asked to write about my experi-ences working in a jail I
wasnrsquot really sure what I could say about it Can I say this or should I say that Was it going to be really negative or show promise of better days ahead And what about me mdashthe new me mdash dealing with issues of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) at the same time as the men I see and work with How the hell was (or is) that going to work Well it is a work in progress after all and one that seems to evolve as I change and as I become more comfortable with my own sense of a new self
Let me begin by saying that there is nothing in this article that would meet the rigours of clinical dissection Equally important I do not work with sexual offenders What I am going to say is purely my experience based on personal observation No scientific analysis can be attributed to it apart from what we already know or suspect One in six men will have been sexually assaulted or abused by the time they are 18 It has long been opined that the number of abused men is actually
setting that was really a cover for juveniles in trouble with the law
The inmate I was working with did not come forward at that time He couldnrsquot His disclosure to me was the first time he had ever said anything about his abuse No one else knew mdash no one He was alone His pain was palpable and obvious His shame and guilt were profound Never had he admitted to himself what had happened in that school let alone admitted to a total stranger until that very moment I listened to his pain tried to console him just let him cry Eventually over the course of a couple of interviews it became obvious to me why he was in jail Any self-esteem that he had as a boy or young man was destroyed by his abuse His very essence was rewritten by the men who had abused him Teens get into trouble but they can also learn to later stay out of it by fol-lowing the teachings of those they trust But for this young man his ability to trust was destroyed by the very people who were sup-posed to care for him nurture him and dare I say it love him appro-priately What was even more tragic is that this man came from a cul-ture that has low tolerance for anything that even remotely resem-bles homosexuality
Being abused sent this man on a downward spiral that ultimately turned him into a drug addict by his own admission a junkie who hated himself for what ldquohe had
(Continued on page 32)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoOver the course of
several related careers I
have seen a lot of good
being done Irsquove also
seen a lot of ugliness
that even by todayrsquos
standards defies the
most common
sensibilities we have as
human beingsldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 32
donerdquo His shame and guilt and culture prevented him saying any-thing about what happened It cut him off from any legal action that might take place and removed any sort of financial compensation that he might gain as a result of his abuse It eventually cut him off from his own family because his drug abuse prevented him from working and supporting his wife and family It destroyed his ability to be a good dad and husband A few years later I saw him back in jail again
When I did encounter him again it was with an in-creased sense of awareness within me Every time a man disclosed to me that he had been sexually abused or assaulted I started to die inside A little piece of me just died every time a man said to me what I could not say to myself or anyone else That dormant volcano started to fume a bit more regularly
Over the course of several related careers I have seen a lot of good being done Irsquove also seen a lot of ugliness that even by todayrsquos standards defies the most common sensibilities we have as human beings It exists Itrsquos around every corner if we choose to look at it Along with the ugly we have the good We have people who are willing to take a stand and come forward to say to the world ldquoWe
Inside (Continued from page 31)
have a problem here itrsquos not going to go away and it needs to be fixedrdquo I had the good fortune to meet many of these people last year at a conference on male sex-ual victimization By then I had been able to learn from the men that I serve that perhaps I too could learn to tell someone Could I be a survivor too
Men in jail are there for a reason Whether itrsquos to protect society while they await trial or from
themselves or while sentenced they are here Whether I think they should be here is irrelevant They are usually at the end of their ropes Their lives are upside down and in turmoil They are frequently in withdrawal from illicit drug use They are in the bottom of a pit from which there does not appear to be an escape or refuge They are desperate and will act desperately
if needed They are angry and no longer have any control over their lives Someone has taken that control away from them They have no choice but to comply Failure to comply results in loss of privileges which can include being prohibited from contact with those they love the most Forced co-habitation with other men can evoke strong memories of prior abuse which they cannot deal with let alone understand It can be isolation
They are alone and cannot speak about their issues for fear of being discovered and further stigmatized and trau-matized by a peer group that cannot tolerate differences or diversity
I have been fortunate in that for some reason men trust me and feel safe and able to disclose And when they do you can see the relief on their faces They are scared for sure but it has always seemed to be a relief I have to ask them I have no choice because itrsquos part of my job But now as a survivor myself I can tell them they are not alone I cannot tell them about me but I can tell them they are not alone that they
are among the approximately one in six men who are assaulted or abused when they are boys or young men I can tell them about the few resources we have avail-able for men which are a 100 improvement compared to what they had when they first walked into my office I tell them about MaleSurvivor and have MS posters up in my office I can tell them that
ldquoTougher than lsquoNamrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 33
Maybe not I prefer to think that I have shown them that there is hope There is life in being a survi-vor they donrsquot have to be held hostage any longer by a secret that was put upon them by an abuser I prefer to think that I have been able to show them that they do not have to be ashamed for being male When I speak with them Irsquom a straight shooter I calls rsquoem as I sees lsquoem I use words they can understand mdash street language mdash which helps them understand their bodies and to understand that Mother Nature made them to be reactive and responsive I tell them that simply because their bodies reacted that their bodies re-sponded while being abused did not make the abuse their fault It takes a while to get there at times But the relief when the penny drops and they realize that they themselves were in no way respon-sible for the abuse is quite remark-able
Just this week Irsquove been working with a man who actually smiled when he came into my office He said ldquoI finally get it It wasnrsquot my faultrdquo He then went on to tell me that immediately prior to his at-tending in my office he had just disclosed to his sister while on the phone in his jail area surrounded by other inmates While it was perhaps not the safest venue for a disclosure he made his own deci-sion He said he was taking control As a 35 year old this man has not been in control since he was first abused at age seven Subsequent abuse only reinforced for him that he was an object a thing not worth anything Relationship after relationship failed him as he con-tinued to relive issues of abandon-
there are over 6000 people regis-tered at MS and that when they get out they will find tremendous support at the MS website I can tell them about Weekends of Re-covery without disclosing that attending a WOR was one of the best things I have done with my life They will know that they are no longer alone And not once has anyone asked me directly about me If they did I could not reply which in a round about way is a reply But I cannot reply Why The institution that I work in can be as intolerant of differences and diver-sity as the inmates are of each other The whole notion of male abuse and assault simply does not exist It is not spoken of It will not be spoken of mdash until now
Because abuse is now spoken of I have been able to create a support network for inmates and for myself Itrsquos a small step but a step never-theless Itrsquos spoken of now at a level never before reached in terms of official support and direction Support has yet to be defined but I have a mandate now to do a better job for male survivors Itrsquos on paper Itrsquos my goal
Safety of all concerned has to remain first and foremost mdash safety for the inmate safety for me With inmates disclosing to me often for the first time I am struck by what happens next A huge can of worms is opened And for what There is little safety here little opportunity to follow up The court system tosses these men around like dice One day they are here the next they are God knows where Have I done something that perhaps I shouldnrsquot have Maybe
ment physical and sexual abuse sexual orientation confusion anger management substance abuse domestic violence self respect low self esteem boundaries mdash these and much more impact upon this man daily But hersquos making a start Itrsquos another chance We all need them
I would be remiss to not mention the support of my colleagues Some of them do know about me and they have been tremendously supportive and understanding They too share a belief that it is possible for men to become survivors I cannot imagine doing this work everyday without their ongoing support I love you guys
The resources I refer to are few the Menrsquos Project in Ottawa The Gate-house in Toronto as well as local sexual assault centres I discovered on my own road to recovery that our local sexual assault centre does in fact offer services to men but does not advertise this due to the fear of being inundated with refer-rals They simply are not equipped to handle what surely lies out in my community When the report of the Cornwall Inquiry comes out later this year it is my belief that it will force our government our society to re-examine how its treatment of boys and men is provided Hope-fully those who are like I was feeling alone fearful uncomfortable in their own skin will feel more enabled to come forward to shed that skin that was put on them by their abuser(s) and step out of the ordinary letting their souls ascend and become free
Vol 2 No 2
Page 34
A History of Male Survi-vor Services in Queacutebec
and First Nations Communities
By Caroline Benamza (dance and drama therapistpsychotherapist at CRIPHASE)
And by Benoicirct St Jean (Director of CRIPHASE)
Contact Tel +1-514-529-55-67 Email infocriphaseorg
Website wwwcriphaseorg
T he latest statistics in Queacutebec show that one out of every six men has been sexually
abused before the age of 18 but there are very few statistics regard-ing male survivors and this estima-tion is only based on reported abuse Most adult men or boys who are survivors go unnoticed because most of the services in Queacutebec are exclusively for women In 2008 the male population in Queacutebec was about 3800000 of which about 3000000 are above 20 years of age (from the Institut de la Statistique) Therefore we can estimate that in Queacutebec there are around 500000 male survivors actually visible within the different health care services justice system and police departments The num-ber is already frightening for a seemingly peaceful society like Queacutebec When it comes to Native American communities as many as 80 of boys have been sexually abused before the age of 18 This number is quite similar mdash but for different reasons mdash to the male population within the Federal or Provincial prisons
The reality of male survivors of sexual abuse in childhood has remained in the dark for years in Queacutebec and it is only in the last four years that the government has acknowledged the necessity of funding counseling services for male survivors Historically it can be explained The first services for survivors have been developed since the 1960s within the very strong Queacutebeacutecois feminist move-ments The women have built along the years a strong network of ser-vices for female vic-tims of sexual abuse and domestic vio-lence Today these services still exist as the CALACS (Centres dAide et de Lutte contre les Agressions agrave Caractegravere Sexuel = Sexual Assault Cen-tres) network for survivors of sexual abuse Due to a strong belief in pro-viding a safe haven for women survivors men were turned away from these services and had nowhere to go Only two survivorsrsquo centres in the Montreal area outside the CALACS network welcomed men but those men represent only 5 of clients
This situation became obvious when the CAVAC (Centre drsquoAide pour les Victime drsquoActes Criminels = Crime Victims Assistance Centres) started to provide counseling ser-
vices to victims of criminal acts who wished to press charges and go through a court procedure The first services in Queacutebec for male survivors therefore came from a strong need in the society In 1996 the CAVAC decided to fund an experimental program directed by Denis Reneacute to offer a support group for male survivors This program was named the PHASE Groups (Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = For Men Sexually Abused in Child-
hood) With the suc-cess of these first groups between 1996 and 1997 the CAVAC of Montreal tried to secure funding for the continuation of services Unfortu-nately the PHASE Groups suffered from the double status it carried within the government the Minister of Justice that was the main funder of the CAVAC refused to fund a counseling service supposedly to be funded by the Health Minister Later the Health Minister turned down the
funding because as part of CAVAC the program should have been funded by the Minister of Justice
So it was in 1997 that Denis Reneacute decided to secure the future of the PHASE Groups by registering them
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoWhen it comes to
Native American
communities as many
as 80 of boys have
been sexually abused
before the age of 18
This number is quite
similarmdashbut for different
reasonsmdashto the male
population within the
Federal or Provincial
prisonsrdquo
February 2009
Page 35
intimacy and sexuality issues) and PHASE Artistique (a 10 weeks art and movement therapy program) with a holistic approach to body and mind recovery
In 2008 the very first weekend of recovery (named PHASE Weekend) was created and CRIPHASE wishes to make the weekend an annual event In 2003 for the first time
CRIPHASE became a full member of the Table de Concertation en Agressions Sexuelles (a gathering of several organizations providing services to survivors in addition to representatives from the Justice the Health Minister and the police) This cooperation allows a better understanding of survivor issues and needs as well as a better coor-
within a non-profit organization that took the name CRIPHASE (Centre de Resources et drsquointervention Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = Resource and Intervention Centre for Men who have been Sexually Abused in Childhood) For 10 years the Groups have survived on pri-vate funding and have provided two recovery Groups called PHASE 1 and PHASE 2 Each PHASE is a 10-week program serving non-offending male survivors over 18 years of age and of all sexual orienta-tions With its first public funding in 2004 of $38000 a director was en-gaged by the board of administration and in 2008 the PSOC (a funding body within the agency of Health and Social Services) fi-nally secured the future of CRIPHASE with a first major funding rooting CRIPHASE in the circle of sexual abuse survivors centres
Since 2006 CRIPHASE has devel-oped a major politics of visibility through the media conferences and meetings with the different actors of the Queacutebeacutecois stage Three more programs have been developed within CRIPHASE PHASE Conjoint (for partners of male survivors) PHASE Sexo (a 10 weeks program of recovery focusing on
dination of services on the ground From within the Table CRIPHASE has been able to educate people on the issue of male survivors and participate or initiate projects such as the Information Guide for Sexual Assault Victims and the first pre-vention mobilization and aware-ness march for sexual abuse survi-vors in 2008 The presence of CRIPHASE at the Table has also
allowed the feminists within the CALACS to have a better under-standing of the suffer-ing of male survivors who are also victims in their own way of an old patriarchal system CRIPHASE was also finally incorporated in the CALACS coordina-tion groupmdashcalled Table des CALACS mdash in 2008
Until 2008 there were no services provided in English (Queacutebec is a French-speaking province where Eng-lish speakers are a minority) due to lack of funding to translate the PHASE 1 docu-ments and employ English-speaking therapists The project
to offer groups in English had been put aside for years but finally in 2008 the first groups of PHASE 1 and 2 opened for English speakers The PHASE Artistique and PHASE Weekend are now bilingual pro-grams
(Continued on page 36)
Phone calls received at CRIPHASE
male survivors
therapists
relatives and loved ones
other
The average male survivor using the services at CRIPHASE is aged between 35 and 55
Vol 2 No 2
Page 36
Male survivors in the Native American
communities Recovery programs within Native American communities are only starting Many Native American men were sexually abused as well as psychologically and emotionally abused when they were sent to boarding schools across the province for assimila-tion The effects of this traumatic experience (including historic trauma) can be seen in all First Nations of Queacutebec Algonquians Cris Innus Abenakis Innuits Micmacs and so forth Today there is a strong need of heal-ing for this lost gen-eration but traumatic experiences and con-sequences have been passed on to the next generations Unfortu-nately sexual abuse is one of these problems which need to be addressed through prevention and coun-seling in a way that will integrate Native American traditions and their holistic ap-proach to medicine Such programs already exist within some communi-ties Organizations like GRIPMA (Groupe de Recherches et dInter-ventions Psychosociales en Milieu Autochtone = Research and Inter-vention group in Aboriginal Com-munities) located in the Huron
History of Male Survivor Services (Continued from page 35)
community of Wendake (near Queacute-bec city) provide a clinical expertise in intervention within Native Ameri-can communities On the other side the Aboriginal Healing Foun-dation based in Ottawa is currently funding 16 recovery projects for the First Nations in Queacutebec ad-dressing sexual abuse addiction prevention of suicide boarding schools trauma etc until 2010
Last year the publication of the five-year funding plan on sexual abuse by the provincial govern-ment of Queacutebec has seen the recognition of male survivors as a population in great need of ser-vices It has also recognized the necessity of providing services to the First Nations communities
Things are changing in Queacutebec for male survivors Because CRIPHASE is the only organization providing support and counseling to men in Queacutebec who have been sexually abused in childhood there is great hope for an increase of funding this year The constant develop-ment of CRIPHASE and the increase in phone calls and numbers of guys within the services (in 2008-
2009 there will be seven groups of PHASE 1 in-stead of five the year before) also show that men in Queacutebec are get-ting the right information on sexual abuse and services and are being encouraged to look for help and engage in re-covery
If you are one of these men in Queacutebec we are waiting for your call Remember you are not alone
For the annual march event please visit wwwmarchevasca (Information for the May 2009 march will be on line from February 2009)
Quilt Square by a Native Child from Alberta From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 37
MaleSurvivor is men surviving sexual abuse in Canada we will start with Canadarsquos sad legacy of abuse of children by clergy
A Brief Incomplete Canadian History
In Canada our First Nations People have had to bear the legacy of abuse they endured in Canadarsquos notorious residential schools Cur-rent issues of addictions and family and mental health problems amongst our First Nations people can be traced back to the legacy of abuse experienced by Native chil-dren in residential schools
Around 1874 the federal government began working with the churches (Catholic Anglican United and Presbyte-rian) to set up the Residential School System as a means to suppress Native cul-ture and promote assimilation In gen-eral children between the ages of five and 16 were taken from their parents and sent to church-run residen-tial schools The extent of the abuse in these church-run schools has been referred to as the ldquoCanadian Holocaustrdquo Recently the Canadian Government formed the Truth and Reconciliation Commis-sion (TRC) as part of the court-approved Indian Residential Schools Settlement Agreement The
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious
Leader By Nancy N Mayer MSW RSW
Partner Crisci amp Mayer Consultation Counselling and
Training Toronto wwwckmconsultationcom
Introduction
L ikely all the readers of this newsletter have knowledge and expertise about men
being physically sexually and emotionally abused Research tells us that abusers can come from any
walk of life and most often are known to the child or adult In the last decade abuse by clergy has finally ldquocome out of the closetrdquo so to
speak thanks to those brave survi-vors who have made public their experiences of being abused by clergy More than ever survivor groups are encouraging victims to report these crimes to the police and to consider seeking civil re-dress for their injuries Many groups believe that change in churches will only come when they are held accountable for the abuse perpetrated by clergy
This article will attempt to address the distinctive issues that are com-mon to this population of survivors Because the focus of this issue of
purpose of the commission is not to determine guilt or innocence but to create an historical account of the residential schools help people to heal and encourage reconciliation between Aboriginal and non-aboriginal Canadians
The notorious Mount Cashel Or-phanage is another Canadian leg-acy of sexual abuse by clergy This facility was operated in Newfound-land by the Christian Brothers More than a dozen priests were convicted after decades of abusing young boys at the orphanage
Mount Cashel Or-phanage closed in 1989 just six months after allegations of sexual physical and emotional abuse were published by the media (For more in depth information see Harris Michael Unholy Orders Trag-edy at Mount Cashel Ontario Viking Press 1990)
Like the US there have been hundreds and perhaps thou-sands of cases of children and vulner-
able adults abused by clergy in every religious denomination Unlike the US our country is not bound as strictly by statutes of limitations so lawsuits can proceed more freely Our sentences for convicted clerical sex offenders are
(Continued on page 38)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Nancy N Mayer
ldquo[First Nations] children
between the ages of five
and 16 were taken from
their parents and sent to
church-run residential
schools The extent of
the abuse in these
church-run schools has
been referred to as the
lsquoCanadian Holocaustrsquoldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 38
nowhere near as severe as those of our American neighbours Most first offenders will not serve a day in jail The civil awards for personal inju-ries are also quite low Our court system promotes set-tling these cases out of court When a case fails to go to trial it is not part of the public re-cord The widespread use of confidentiality orders media fatigue and Canadian reserve means that it is impos-sible to obtain accurate statistics on how often men are abused by clergy or even the ex-tent of the problem in this country
The Authority of Rel igious Leaders Religious organizations have always played a central role in our so-cieties They provide moral ethical and spiritual guidance Reli-gious teachings have given us a context and meaning for our lives Most religious belief revolves around a divine power or God Religious leaders (ministers priests rabbis elders nuns) are thought to be Godrsquos earthly repre-sentatives and are treated with reverence and respect They have intimate involvement with families and children at such vulnerable times as an illness death or other family crises They may have access
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 37)
to confidential information by virtue of their roles of confessor or counsellor A child brought up by religious parents is taught to re-spect these men and women Oth-ers associated with churches mdash choir leaders teachers cantors youth group leaders mdash are also considered trustworthy by virtue of their close
association with their religious organizations Most parents en-courage their childrenrsquos participa-tion in church-based activities believing them to be safe and wholesome
These leaders are considered to be esteemed authorities and as repre-sentatives of God wield a great deal of power Depending on the faith group there may be teachings
that support an unquestioning adherence to their instructions and guidance This makes children and vulnerable adults particularly sus-ceptible to exploitation by this group because they have access opportunity and trust
Misuse of Power Perpetrators can utilize their positions of power and trust to gain access to their victims some-times for extended periods of uninterrupted time They may tell children that they are being asked to ldquoserve Godrdquo or that they or their families will be punished if they do not do as instructed Chil-dren may be threatened with eternal damnation or blamed for leading the religious leader into sin If the religion con-siders premarital sex or same sex contacts as sinful the guilt will be compounded
In most cases the victim will not disclose or may disclose but not be
believed A child will have a difficult time convincing adults that he or she has been victimized The vic-timrsquos family culture or communi-ties have been socialized to see their religious leaders as unques-tionably good and incapable of lies This can lead to others denying or minimizing the victimrsquos experience of abuse The victim is initially harmed by the abuser and then is revictimized by those who cannot
ldquoMay Hope be Passed through Every Handrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 39
institutionrsquos response and lack of compassion and pastoral care
The Impact on Spir ituality
The frequently used term ldquosoul murderrdquo aptly describes what hap-pens when the abuser is a religious leader When the response of the religious institu-tion to a disclosure of abuse is experienced as self-serving and uncaring the survivor will likely lose his faith in the religious community of which he has been a part To belong and to feel connected is a basic human need When abused by clergy the loss of connection and belonging to what may have been a spiritual anchor can be devastating
To compound the harm the abuse may have occurred in a religious building The abuser may have worn traditional cleri-cal attire or may have made religious or biblical refer-ences As a result being exposed to religious symbols music or any other reminder can trigger flashbacks and other uncomfortable physical symptoms
The cleric is often considered Godrsquos representative on earth This gives the cleric power that surpasses his position and status When abuse is at the hands of a minister nun
accept that their spiritual leaders are capable of abuse There are many stories of clergy abuse survi-vors being abandoned by their religious communities (who side with the cleric) and their families who cannot face leaving the church that has given their lives meaning and comfort The resultant feelings of betrayal and abandonment are profound
The Role of the Religious Inst itutions
When religious institutions hold themselves up as ethical compasses and arbitrators of right and wrong society has an expectation that church leaders will act in a fair and moral way Many US Commissions and Grand Juries and Canadian reports such as the Winter Com-mission Report (Archdiocese of St Johns Newfoundland Canada 1990) Child Abuse in Community Institutions and Organizations and Improving Public and Professional Understanding (prepared for the Law Commission of Canada) all record and explain the dynamics that have lead to the failure of religious institutions to protect our children
While it is well known that any institution mdash educational recrea-tional or spiritual mdash is not immune from having sex offenders in its midst the religious institutions have a particular legacy of protect-ing the institution through aggres-sive legal tactics versus truth telling and reconciliation Many victims state that they have been less wounded by the actual abuse and profoundly more damaged by the
priest rabbi minister or elder the recipient of the abuse may experi-ence profound guilt for ldquoparticipatingrdquo in ldquosinfulrdquo behaviour mdash a mistaken belief that he is respon-sible for the abuse or shame that
he has ldquosinnedrdquo He may believe he is deserving of rejection or eternal damnation If he confesses he risks exposing the cleric who has likely done what he could to trick the victim into believing that he must maintain silence and secrecy One survivor describes feeling that rdquoIt was like being abused by God him-self If even God couldnrsquot love me how could anyone else ever love merdquo
These factors alone can leave a man who has been abused by clergy unable to find comfort and solace in what used to be his spiritual beliefs and his church Without these familiar beliefs the survivor is aban-
doned and alone when he most needs support
The Role of Gender While woman are ordained in some denominations there is still an imbalance of power between men and women in many religious tradi-tions For boys and men abused by male clerics embarrassment and
(Continued on page 40)
ldquoThe frequently used
term lsquosoul murderrsquo aptly
describes what happens
when the abuser is a
religious leader When
the response of the
religious institution to a
disclosure of abuse is
experienced as self-
serving and uncaring
the survivor will likely
lose his faith in the
religious community of
which he has been
a partrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 40
concerns of how they will be per-ceived promote silence For the boy or man abused by a female cleric there may be worries that he will be labelled the seducer or pres-sured to consider this ldquorelationshiprdquo as non-abusive
The study conducted by the John Jay Col-lege of Criminal Jus-tice regarding The Nature and Scope of the Problem of Sexual Abuse of Minors by Priests and Deacons in the Catholic Church (Washington DC USCCB 2004) found some very disturbing information about the age and gender of victims The largest group of reported victims (509) was between the ages of 11 and 14 273 of victims were 15 to 17 16 were eight to 10 and nearly 6 were under age seven Overall 81 of vic-tims were male and 19 female Male victims tended to be older than female victims Over 40 of all victims were males between the ages of 11 and 14
The largest group of reported victims in this study consisted of boys who were entering puberty This is a tumultuous time in most
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 39)
young menrsquos lives To have this period of development disrupted can contribute to many mental health problems including lack of confidence disruption of emo-tional sexual and psycho-social development isolation sexual identity confusion depression anxiety and abuse of substances
In Summary The harm experienced by those
who are abused by clergy is profound and multifaceted Some therapists will not want to work with survivors of clergy abuse due to the complexity of their issues their limited knowledge of the subject area possible religious biases and potential for litigation Most (but certainly not all) survivors will have experienced revictimization by their churches or religious institutions This compounded by abuse by a religious leader in a position of power will under-standably lead to unique challenges Survivors will have
significant trust issues that can impede the forming of a trusting therapeutic relationship with a therapist who will also be in a position of power and may be an employee of an institution With transparency and skill on the part of the therapist and tenacity on the part of the survivor effective thera-
peutic partnership can be achieved While recovery is difficult it is possible
The irony is that many survivors of abuse by clergy have a strong sense of integrity morality and perseverance They learned the lessons that the ldquoreligiousrdquo offend-ers failed to learn At the core of their beings these clergy abuse survivors are the prophets who have come to speak the truth and reveal the abuse and the decep-tions It is this desire for social justice truth telling belonging and connection that will allow a healthy spiritual belief system to rise out of the ashes of what has happened It is this healthy spiritual belief that makes many clergy abuse survivors persistent and tenacious in seeking recovery and social justice They are making a difference and chang-ing the world as we know it
ldquoThe harm experienced
by those who are
abused by clergy is
profound and
multifaceted Some
therapists will not want
to work with survivors
of clergy abuse due to
the complexity of their
issues their limited
knowledge of the
subject area possible
religious biases and
potential for litigationldquo
February 2009
Page 41
tion of it earlier in the lsquo90s but 1997 is when there was a critical mass of mostly male survivors coming forward and taking action against Maple Leaf Gardens Your question specifically was ldquoDid it play a role in my choice of ca-reersrdquo
MS Yes
SJ Yes and no The Maple Leaf
Gardens cases were not my first sexual assault cases but my in-volvement in these cases solidified my interest and desire to help sur-vivors
MS Could you take a few minutes to explain to our readers just what the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal was and why it has played a central role in revealing the extent of sex-ual abuse at least in the Toronto area
of my clients will say something like ldquoYou know this is not about the money I donrsquot care how much I get this is about something elserdquo And whatever that person seeks mdash an apology or the empowerment of filing a lawsuit or a million other unique things mdash that is why I do this kind of work Itrsquos about helping people through whatever process they need in order to begin that healing process the moving forward process
MS And also to provide your clients with a sense of justice
SJ Absolutely Justice is really not about the money itrsquos about the knowledge that theyrsquove come forward theyrsquove done something and theyrsquove empowered themselves It takes a tre-mendous amount of courage to do that I am always in awe of my cli-ents for the amount of courage they have They are my inspiration
MS Many Americans are unaware of the so-called Maple Leaf Gar-dens sex scandal that began some-time in the 1960s but didnrsquot come to wide public attention until 1997 the year after you began practicing law Did this scandal have some affect on your choice of career
SJ Actually the scandal did come to prominence before 1997 There was scattered media atten-
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 1)
SJ Sure There was a series of men who were employed at Maple Leaf Gardens which was the home of the Toronto Maple Leafs mdash the hockey club mdash who over a period of a couple of decades sexually abused probably hundreds of chil-dren It started in the lsquo60s it went on we believe until the early lsquo80s There were two principal men in-volved but there were at least three
others who also were ac-cused In order to under-stand why the Maple Leaf Gardens sex scandals are as important as they are you have to understand that hockey in Toronto and hockey in Canada is almost a religion Hockey is to Canadians what the NFL or Major League Baseball is to Americans Every little boy dreams of about becoming the next Wayne Gretzky becoming the best hockey player he can be Maple Leaf Gar-dens was the home of one of the best loved and biggest hockey teams mdash the Toronto Maple Leafs The Gardens was the high
temple of hockey in Canada and still is In the lsquo60s lsquo70s and even the lsquo80s children mdash mostly boys mdash would go to Maple Leaf Gardens usually unaccompanied by their parents because back then nobody really thought that anything bad would happen to them at the Gar-dens The boys would go there ei-ther for practice games or to watch the Maple Leafs play or more likely they would go to watch To-
(Continued on page 42)
ldquoMaple Leaf Gardens in Memory of Martin Kruzerdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 42
ronto Marlies games The Marlies were the farm team for the Toronto Maple Leafs During these games and these practices the pedophiles who worked at the Gardenrsquos would often befriend these boys seeking out boys who were more vulner-able than others most likely and would sexually assault the boys sometimes off-property but most often within the Gardens itself They would use their position as employees of the Gardens to be able to say to the boys if you come with me Irsquoll get you a broken hockey stick or hockey puck or Irsquoll get you into better seats the next game or whatever other type of inducement would be necessary to get the boys to go with them into either a washroom or a training room or other private place where the boys would be sexually abused
In 1997 there were about 50 or 60 cases all joined to-gether and Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Entertainment Ltd wanted to settle all the cases prior to the Toronto Maple Leafs moving into a new hockey rink called the Air Canada Center so as to have a clean slate at the new rink By and large a lot of the litigation was fin-ished before the team moved into the Air Canada Center but not all of it In fact there are probably 17 or 19 cases going through the court
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 41)
system today more than 10 years after the original large group of plaintiffs went through the court and I believe that new people will continue to come forward when they are strong enough
MS I understand that one of the principal plaintiffs in the case Mar-tin Kruze had settled with the owners or the operators of the Ma-ple Leaf Gardens in 1995 and that he signed a confidentiality agree-ment not to reveal the settlement
or perhaps even the details of what had happened to him Do you think that the confidentiality agree-ment Mr Kruze agreed to slowed down or hindered the full exposure of this scandal
SJ I think that any confidentiality agreement blocks public access to knowledge and to understanding so I do suspect that Martinrsquos confi-dentiality agreement did have some impact on the scandal re-
maining hidden for as long as it did Absolutely yes I believe that confidentiality agreements are in-herently difficult for plaintiffs be-cause they create and continue a cycle of secrecy Sexual assault is a crime that is almost always carried out in secret and the guilt and shame it produces is key in helping pedophiles maintain their hold over their victims Putting a confidential-ity agreement on a settlement just perpetuates the guilt and the shame
MS Unfortunately Martin Kruzersquos principal perpetrator received a shockingly light sen-tence for all his actions and I understand that this led to Martin com-mitting suicide shortly afterwards
SJ I would think that the perpetratorrsquos sentence was a part of why Martin chose to end his life yes It hap-pened relatively shortly after the sentencing and I suspect that it weighed heavily on Martinrsquos decision
MS Do you think that the sen-tence that the perpetrator received was a reflection of the then current attitude towards pedophiles and sexual abuse
SJ The sentence that the perpe-trator received was a reflection on the way that the Canadian justice system deals with criminals regard-ing personal crimes absolutely It was a very low sentence in keep-
Imants Kruze visiting his sonrsquos memorial quilt square in the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 43
obtain here versus how much they can obtain in the United States In the United States there is no cap for pain and suffering awards whereas here in Canada there is a very small cap mdash about $325000 If a survivor of sexual assault goes through the court system and even if they have a very good day in court in terms of compensation yoursquore probably looking at an award for dam-ages somewhere be-tween $200000 and $500000 Sometimes itrsquos actually less than $200000 and very very rarely more than $500000 so in that sense we are defi-nitely behind But I donrsquot think itrsquos a question of waiting 10 years to see if we ldquocatch uprdquo I think itrsquos just a fundamental difference in how our court system works and whatrsquos available to survivors in terms of compensation
If you mean that Canada is 10 years behind in dealing with other aspects of sexual assault then you are probably correct in terms of media attention public awareness and outrage Sexual assault is still largely an unreported unprose-cuted crime But things are getting better every day and as more and more survivors come forward posi-tive changes will continue to hap-pen
MS As Irsquom sure you know therersquos periodic discussion about tort re-
ing with what was handed out at the time and to a large extent itrsquos still in keeping with what is handed out right now
MS Are you still representing or have you represented anyone who is a plaintiff in this scandal
SJ I was very much involved in the core group of Maple Leaf Gar-dens survivors that came forward in 1997 I was on what was called the plaintiffsrsquo committee back then which was a group of a few lawyers who brought the litigation forward I represented a number of plaintiffs in the original group that came forward I have also represented quite a few men throughout the last 10 years and currently repre-sent two men in the last group of plaintiffs to come forward I have also been approached by at least two other men who may decide to pursue litigation
MS Dale English mdash who has spo-ken to you at some length mdash has said to me that either you or he or both of you have felt that Canada is perhaps 10 or more years behind the US in dealing with the issues of sexual abuse and sexual assault Could you elaborate on that com-ment
SJ I think it depends on what you mean by dealing with the is-sues If you mean dealing with the issues in terms of bringing civil cases forward to a certain extent we are behind One of the funda-mental differences between the United States and Canada is the way that our tort systems operate and specifically the amount of compensation that tort victims can
form in the United States mainly aimed at capping punitive dam-ages Irsquom wondering whether there is the mirror of that in Canada mdash whether therersquos any movement to-wards tort reform that would allow greater awards to victims
SJ Well there is and there isnrsquot In Canada itrsquos very difficult if not
impossible to get pu-nitive damages espe-cially if therersquos a criminal conviction The punitive damages that are available in Canada are very low A typical punitive damage award would be $20000 or $25000 - usually not much more than that So damages are quite restricted here in any event In terms of tort reform I think there is a global push by in-surance companies to
try to limit compensation whether in the States or here The things that the American Association of Justice are fighting for down in the States are the same things that the Ontario Trial Lawyers Association are fighting for here mdash the continued ability to sue for compensation un-hampered by legislative roadblocks benefitting powerful institutional defendants to the detriment of those who have suffered Ours is a much smaller playing field and therefore less money is at stake In terms of plaintiffsrsquo lawyers wersquore trying to maximize the compensa-tion that we can get for our client Every time we go to court we try
(Continued on page 44)
ldquoIf you mean that
Canada is 10 years
behind in dealing with
other aspects of sexual
assault then you are
probably correct in
terms of media
attention public
awareness and outrageldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 44
to get a higher damage award so that that case will be a building block for future cases There are always attempts to try to circum-vent the cap on pain and suffering damages that we have Itrsquos not an easy thing to do the cap has been in place in Canada for 32 years now It was put in place in 1977 by the Supreme Court of Canada and itrsquos unlikely to be overturned any-time soon Even though from a purely theoretical legal analysis that cap does not apply to pain and suffering damages for victims of sexual assault and sexual abuse the reality is that judges still use that cap as a high water mark even though it doesnrsquot formally apply mdash it is still a de facto cap and to be honest with you it is almost impos-sible to get anywhere near that cap for compensation for pain and suf-fering A typical pain and suffering award in Canada for childhood sex-ual abuse is somewhere between $100000 and $200000 Anything on top of that would be associated economic loss or care costs
MS Itrsquos quite unfortunate that even though therersquos no real cap the law behaves as if there were one
SJ Yep I couldnrsquot agree with you more Itrsquos very unfortunate
MS I understand that in 2005 the government of Ontario convened whatrsquos known as the Cornwall Pub-lic Inquiry Was the Inquiry con-vened to address the issues of sex-ual abuse and sexual assault and
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 43)
the way the justice system is han-dling it
SJ Thatrsquos probably one of the reasons the Inquiry was convened Thatrsquos one of the hopes The In-quiry was convened because of what was going on in a little city east of Toronto mdash a series of allega-tions against very prominent mem-bers of that community involving the sexual abuse of children over a period of many many years The idea behind the Inquiry is to try to figure out what happened and to put in place some recommenda-tions that will not only stop some-thing like the abuse in Cornwall from happening again but will also try to help those who were affected by the events in the first place And to some extent I think some good will come of the Inquiry Hopefully the recommendations will be good for survivors of childhood sexual abuse or any kind of sexual assault The Submission phase of the In-quiry officially ended late February 2009
MS Did you have the opportunity to testify before the Inquiry
SJ I did not personally testify before the Inquiry Testimony was generally limited to the people ac-tually involved mdash police officers vic-tims what not I was involved in the Inquiry with regards to a panel discussionroundtable that they had regarding the use of confiden-tiality agreements
MS As you probably know Male-Survivor was first founded in the early 1980s by a group of thera-pists who were concerned about support for victims of childhood
sexual abuse and although Male-Survivor is still not a very large or-ganization it has increased its in-fluence significantly over the years and Irsquom wondering whether there is a similar non-profit or other group in Canada that also is dedi-cated to helping victims of child-hood sexual abuse
SJ There are some grass roots organizations that deal with victims of childhood sexual abuse or adult sexual assault I donrsquot believe there is as cohesive a unit as MaleSurvi-vor I may be wrong on that but there are smaller more community based organizations that assist sur-vivors That being said resources available to survivors are unfortu-nately pretty limited
MS Is that because there are too few therapists in that form of prac-tice
SJ I think itrsquos a mixture of many different things First of all Canada has a much smaller population base mdash 30 million people as com-pared to 300 million in the United States mdash so you have significantly fewer people affected and there-fore you have significantly fewer resources available to those people The services that we do have will often have very long waiting lists before people can access them There are some very very good counselors in Canada assisting sur-vivors but unfortunately the waiting lists are sometimes long and the availability for public funding to provide services free of charge is somewhat limited
MS Is there anything in your opinion about the Canadian health
February 2009
Page 45
system that contributes to the scar-city of services
SJ I donrsquot know if itrsquos the Cana-dian health system I think that in Canada we have a pretty good public health system in the sense that anybody who needs medical services can access those services free of charge The problem is that a lot of these services are not covered under our health system per se Many are covered under either private plans or pay as you go type services and itrsquos just a question of finding the people who can provide these services and being lucky enough to get them when they either donrsquot have a waiting list or other-wise having to wait until your name comes up on that waiting list
MS And that could takes years in some cases it seems
SJ My understanding is that those waiting lists can be quite long but there are very good peo-ple out there Itrsquos just a question of finding them and being able to afford them
MS Can you elaborate on other differences between the US and Canada that affect the way survi-vors and perpetrators are treated by the legal system and the media
SJ The differences between Can-ada and the US are really huge On the surface Americans and Canadi-ans look pretty much the same dress the same talk the same eat the same foods and by and large watch the same TV but culturally there is a huge difference in the way we look at the world in the
way our legal system works and the way that people interact with one another
Americans are much more litigious by na-ture I think this is due to the fact that in the United States mdash at least as seen from the outside mdash the rights of the individual are paramount In Can-ada less so Canada is much more commu-nity-oriented We of-tentimes think about how something is going to affect others instead of looking at what an individual might be entitled to I think that the high
damage awards available through the American legal system are beneficial in sexual abuse cases as is the lack of a cap on awards which we have
In some ways though our legal system is much better for my cli-ents than the US system would be because of the way that our actual process works One of the things that I know is very damaging to a lot of plaintiffs in the United States is the whole discovery process tak-
ing depositions Depositions can go on for a huge number of days and pretty much everybody in the per-sonrsquos life can be called to give a deposition That is very troubling and painful for people who donrsquot necessarily want others to know about their abuse or donrsquot want to involve their family Here in Canada depositions mdash or what we call the examination for discovery mdash are lim-ited to the actual named parties in the lawsuit The defendant and the plaintiff are examined for discovery or deposed if you will Anyone who is not an actual party to the litiga-tion can only be discovered under court orders and itrsquos very difficult to get those court orders so in that sense itrsquos a much quicker cleaner process and less intrusive on some-onersquos life So that is probably a good thing
The other really huge difference between the two systems which I think does in fact impact on why a lot of these cases settle as opposed to going to court and oftentimes settle for very different amounts of money than they would if they went to court is that in Canada we have a ldquoloser paysrdquo system If you go to court and you lose you have to pay at least a portion of the fees incurred by the other side Letrsquos say the defendantrsquos settlement offer is $100000 If the plaintiff does not accept that $100000 and at trial the plaintiff gets $99000 then the plaintiff has to pay the lawyerrsquos fees of the defendant because the award is less than the settlement offer That is very difficult That means that a lot of cases are set-tled for probably less money than
(Continued on page 46)
ldquoOn the surface
Americans and
Canadians look pretty
much the same hellip but
culturally there is a
huge difference in the
way we look at the
world in the way our
legal system works and
the way that people
interact with one
anotherldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 46
MS I join you in that hope Any-thing that can advance the cause of not only helping people but also helping prevent further abuses is always going to be welcome If you could set forth a vision of how you would like to see the law and the therapeutic community in Canada evolve to handle matters of child-
hood sexual abuse and sexual assault mdash if you could influence the reform of institu-tions what would your vision be
SJ Oh Richard Wow Well first and foremost I would love to raise public aware-ness of this issue for various reasons I think that increased public awareness will not necessarily reduce the instances of abuse but will help improve how abuse is dealt with when itrsquos ongoing and after-wards Itrsquos very im-portant that when a child is hurt that
child knows that he can go to peo-ple for help and support All too often if kids get up enough cour-age to tell someone the reaction they get is not very positive I think that with increased public aware-ness hopefully people will under-stand that there are ways to deal with this that will decrease the amount of harm so public aware-ness is paramount
I would like the legal system to raise compensation awards for sur-
turning point in bringing to the publicrsquos attention that the sexual assault of children can happen does happen and itrsquos a very diffi-cult thing for anyone to go through whether theyrsquore little boys or grown men that were abused as children It brought childhood sex-ual abuse out of the shadows to a certain extent The scandal still garners media attention as new survivors come forward but not the same as it did 10 years ago
MS Would you say that the lack of inves-tigative reporting is a cultural phenomenon or is it that the news-papers donrsquot feel they have that role
SJ Oh no Canadian newspapers do feel that they have a role in investigating things but for whatever rea-son sexual abuse of children has not been a priority The Cana-dian media really has not been at the forefront of this issue the way the media in the United States has been and I think that is tremen-dously disappointing The lack of media attention means that we arenrsquot fostering the awareness within the public that we need in order to provide real help and ser-vices for survivors We need the mediarsquos help to bring this horrific crime to light and to help stop it from happening
they would get if they went to court because that risk of going to court and not getting at least the amount of the original offer weighs heavily on everyone Our system is designed and geared toward avoid-ing trials which can be good be-cause nobody really wants to go through a trial but can be bad be-cause people become very intimi-dated by the prospect of losing or not getting as much as the settle-ment offer and being indebted to the defendant for a lot of money Thatrsquos a scary scary thing to go through
With regards to the media the US has a media that by and large has helped out a lot with sexual abuse cases The whole issue of clergy abuse really started with investiga-tive reporting by the Boston Globe right
MS Right
SJ They really took that issue and just ran with it Here in Canada we really havenrsquot had the same kind of investigative media cover-age as yoursquove had which is why events like the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal are not as huge as they are down in the States
Before Martin Kruze committed sui-cide the media was only somewhat interested in the Maple Leaf Gar-dens scandal Martin Kruze was a figure because he had sued the Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Com-plex But after he committed sui-cide the media was really galva-nized and that was probably a
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 45)
ldquoThe lack of media
attention means that we
arenrsquot fostering the
awareness within the
public that we need in
order to provide real
help and services for
survivors We need the
mediarsquos help to bring
this horrific crime to
light and to help stop it
from happeningrdquo
February 2009
Page 47
ments but it canrsquot at this stage really happen through the courts
I would want there to be an ability for institutions or perpetrators mdash de-fendants mdash to look beyond mere dollars and cents and look toward healing the person that they have hurt either directly or indirectly All too often in these cases we really become tied up in the legal minu-tiae of things as opposed to defen-dants saying ldquoOK letrsquos step back here and letrsquos try to helprdquo
I wish that there were a real under-standing that these cases are not car accident cases and they should
not be treated as car accident cases My clients are not people whorsquove broken a leg and therefore need X amount of dollars in order to pay for medical services or whatnot And unfortu-nately that doesnrsquot necessarily happen
In terms of the thera-peutic community I would love to see counseling and therapy ses-sions be paid for through the pub-lic purse so that people who re-quire the services of highly-skilled counselors and therapists and psy-chologists can access those services without having to pay for them A lot of clients just donrsquot have the economic means to pay for such services until after they get a set-tlement and that could take years It would be wonderful to see those kinds of services funded the same way as a trip to the emergency room or a trip to your family doc-tor for a cold is funded Irsquod love to
vivors The amount of damage that can be done as a result of child-hood abuse or in fact any kind of sexual assault is tremendous It affects almost every aspect of someonersquos life It becomes inter-generational because it affects the people around the survivor and compensation awards are still very much a pale reflection of what is needed in order to help these peo-ple I hope that at some point our judges and our legislature under-stand that need and can corre-spondingly give appropriate and reasonable damage awards so that people can start to rebuild their lives in a meaningful way
I would love there to be an opportunity within our civil system for more than just compensation At this stage the only thing that a civil judge can do is award monetary compensation There are a lot of creative things that you can do within a settlement that are not purely fi-nancial that can give a lot of sol-ace to someone who has been abused whether that be in the form of some non-financial healing whether it be in the form of a situation where somebody can con-front their abuser if thatrsquos what they wish to do in a safe setting or whether itrsquos the ability for that sur-vivor to do something outside of pure simple dollars and put for-ward some sort of healing plan that is as individual as they are That can happen through settle-
be able to see that I think that that would go a long way to helping people earlier rather than later
Ultimately I wish that this situation didnrsquot exist anymore and I would be put out of business frankly
MS Well I can certainly sympa-thize with the way you feel but it would seem that you have a career ahead of you dealing with this problem
SJ Unfortunately I think you are right I think that instances of child-hood sexual abuse are not neces-sarily going down I think that insti-tutions are getting a little bit better at putting in place policies and sometimes even following their own policies to stop pedophiles from entering those institutions and preying on people that those insti-tutions are theoretically set up to serve but I think that as long as the problem of childhood sexual abuse is with us I will be out there trying to help anybody that I can
MS Is there anything else yoursquod like to say to our readers
SJ I think that organizations such as MaleSurvivor are imperative in helping people understand that they are not alone that itrsquos not their fault and there are ways to get help So hats off to an organi-zation such as yours The clients I have who are involved in your or-ganization are very very well served so I have to thank you for being a resource
MS Thank you very much for your kind comments and for your time Simona
ldquoUltimately I wish that
this situation didnrsquot exist
anymore and I would be
put out of business
franklyrdquo
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-
Vol 2 No 2
Page 8
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Sexual assault will always be an individual experience however I think we have all witnessed via the media that when a man comes forward with his experience of sexual abuse it often uncovers a mother lode of hidden institutional
or multiple abuses Boy Scouts churches training schools private schools sports teams all flooding our TV screens and our minds with the troubling stories of scores of men abused over decades I hesi-tate to speculate that the next big exposure of institutionalized abuse will be the reporting of psychiat-ric hospitals That
exposeacute must wait for those institu-tionally traumatized men and women to find their courage and their voices
It has been my experience that pockets of expertise develop in different areas of our country and those victims of abuse fortunate enough to be able to access those resources benefit greatly Beyond those resourced areas men are left living ldquolives of quiet desperationrdquo
In 2004-2005 the Menrsquos Project in Ottawa received some time-limited funding to compile a list of thera-peutic resources and programs for male survivors A great beginning but unfortunately resources ran out and the website had to be shut down
At our clinic in Toronto Ontario Canada we run three treatment groups a week for adult men who were sexually traumatized as chil-dren This year mdash 2009 mdash the program is celebrating its fifteenth year
The difficulty in pre-senting a picture of the state of treatment for men who have suffered from sexual abuse is that there is no coordination of resources at any level in Toronto in Ontario in Canada No one really has the big picture There was a conference held in Toronto last year that illustrated that there are a number of won-derful people and programs across the province that are doing what they can for traumatized men
The spark that got our group pro-gram running was a desperate call in 1992 to SASAT (Scarborough Agencies Sexual Abuse Treatment program) from a man who could find no professional government funded resource to help him deal with his childhood trauma In To-ronto we have the ldquoBlue Bookrdquo a listing of social service resources that is the size of a medium sized cityrsquos phone book In all those many pages there was half a page listing resources for men who were either alcoholics or abusing their wives
Reflections from Canada
By Jim Hall
Wolfwood Canada
wolfwoodcanadarogerscom
I was asked by MaleSurvivor to give some reflections on my experience as a therapist dealing
with male sexual traumatisation in Canada
I began my professional journey in 1985 working in a childrenrsquos De-tention Centre I worked with street kids through Covenant House in
treatment classrooms and for the past fifteen years in a hospital-based clinic Over the past three years I have become increasingly involved with
the Inuit of Canadarsquos Arctic dealing with issues of trauma including cultural trauma
In 2005 I wrote Creating Courage Search amp Rescue a manual for people in the caring professions who deal with trauma and anxiety In March of 2005 I began present-ing ldquoInside the Male Mind Identify-ing Resistance and Opportunity in the Treatment of Boys and Teen Guys Who Have Experienced Sexual Abuserdquo throughout the province of Ontario
Jim Hall
ldquoThe mass of men lead
lives of quiet
desperation
What is called
resignation is confirmed
desperationrdquo
mdashHenry David Thoreau
1854
February 2009
Page 9
One of our shining resources in Canada is the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness Headed by Ellen Campbell the CCAA has always been a strong advocate and sup-porter of men who have suffered sexual trauma It coordinated Mar-tinrsquos Hope which was a public forum supported by the Toronto Maple Leaf organization under the direction of General Manager and hockey great Ken Dryden Sadly Martin Kruze who blew the whistle on the Maple Leaf Gardens abuse scandal committed suicide but because of his courage many men found the strength to seek help
Like the United States Canada is a country of many cultures To understand where Canada is at in its response to the sex-ual abuse of males we have to be aware of different culturesrsquo take on the idea of ldquowhether or not males can be sexually abusedrdquo Strange question to all that will be reading this newsletter but I have talked to men of various cultures whose isolation is magnified by the cultural belief that ldquoit doesnrsquot happen to black men (unless theyrsquore gay)rdquo or ldquoit doesnrsquot happen in Indian culturerdquo What do you do when an experi-ence that doesnrsquot happen in your culture happens to you
On my office wall hangs a picture of a wolf hiding behind a tree It was drawn by a man who fought
the good fight and lost The feeling of being ldquoutterly alonerdquo over-whelmed him and his life was lost to suicide The stakes can be no higher There are few fights that are harder What keeps me going as a therapist as a man are the brave men who stay the course who push out the darkness finding strength in the company of other men who also fight to reclaim their livesrsquo potential
As a Canadian trauma therapist I am encouraged that our collective culture continues to move forward This past year our Prime Minister
apologized in the parliament of our country to our native peoples who were victimized by the residential school atrocities which mdash for many mdash included sex-ual abuse I have had the honour to work in our high Arctic with the Inuit There I have found a wonderful culture which wants to heal It didnrsquot begin so smoothly though for me Dur-ing my first visit there
while trying to start a menrsquos group the interpreter said to me ldquoItrsquos really offensive that you should come up here and talk to us about our traumardquo In the subsequent years of working together he and I have become friends
In the north and in the south I find the same troubling story Young men lost disconnected caught up in the world of drugs alcohol and
crime desperately searching for a sense of meaning and belonging Although not all have been sexually abused many have Our young men and men in general lack men-tors
In Canada we lack a coordinating organization mdash a rdquoCentre of Excel-lencerdquo mdash that would address the issues specific to traumatized men and could provide research leader-ship and treatment We didnrsquot start using seatbelts in Canada until the government said we had to I be-lieve the shame and embarrass-ment most traumatized men feel keeps many from seeking the help they need A Menrsquos Trauma Centre could say ldquoMen can be sexually abused Men can be traumatized If that has happened to you you can come here We can help You need to come here Things can and will get betterrdquo
As a country are we there yet We are not even close mdash no culture no country is But there are more and more men who are there who have fought the good fight and won They have opened their mouths spoken their truth challenged the status quo and blazed a trail for other traumatized men and boys to find and follow
I believe the tide in Canada is changing Doors of secrecy that have been forced open will not close again Our compassion for traumatized men continues to grow The future has some bright-ness around its edges that wasnrsquot there ten years ago
ldquoTo understand where
Canada is at in its
response to the sexual
abuse of males we have
to be aware of different
culturesrsquo take on the
idea of lsquowhether or not
males can be sexually
abusedrsquordquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 10
this was the case It was discovered that those in control of determin-ing what funding went to what had decided it was not cost effective to have a womenrsquos detox since so few women were over-drinking The committee decided to document the need since many felt that a womenrsquos detox was necessary
In the end the committee was able to document the need and a womenrsquos detox was funded in Windsor Ontario What had hap-pened Many women struggling with a substance abuse problem were hidden and misdiagnosed A similar situation exists with male survivors of childhood abuse This problem is hidden and often misdi-agnosed
The Greater Toronto Area where I cur-rently live is a city of over 55 million peo-ple If we believe the current stats and if we assume that roughly half the population are male and if perhaps one in six boys will have been abused by the age of 16 (and ac-cording to some
experts one in five boys is sexually abused) then there are possibly over 500000 men out there who have experienced childhood abuse in my little corner of the world To be fair we know that some chil-dren report and are heard and helped We also know that some seem to have been able to work it
A Dearth of Services in Canada
By Lynne MacDonnell
Private Practice in Toronto Area +1 (416) 996-4050
A report issued by the United Nations states that millions of children are exposed to
sexual violence each year It cuts across cultures income levels edu-cation levels No country is immune from it The four-year study that encompassed 130 countries was completed by Paulo Pinheiro an independent expert appointed by UN Secretary General Kofi Annan As many as 150 million girls and 73 million boys worldwide are subject to sexual violence each year usually by someone in their family circle said the report A 2002 Canadian study showed chil-dren made up 23 of the popula-tion but accounted for 61 of
sexual assault victimssup1
In spite of this recovery services for male survivors of childhood abuse seem to be limited An internet search for services in the Toronto area yields services for gay bi or transgendered men and a group for men against violence of women While these services are necessary and valuable what about the guys who need to deal with the sexual abuse they experienced as children rather than their sexual preference Apparently there is no lack of need since the above quoted report suggests that boys are just as likely
to be sexually abused as little girlssup2 One might argue that little boys are
even more likely to be abused since access to male children is more readily achieved Common sense suggests that one is more likely to leave their male children with coaches male babysitters male teachers ldquoUncle Ernierdquo and so forth than they would ever leave their young daughters This is in spite of the fact that the majority of the perpetrators ldquoreported as
malerdquosup3 It has often been suggested that incidents of sexual abuse of boys is under-reported
If the abuse of boys is under-reported the need for services may not be apparent As an example of this Irsquod like to tell you a short story In 1977-78 in Windsor On-tario my home town there was a detox centre But it was a male-only facil-ity In those days if a man was picked up for being drunk in a public place he was taken to the detox unless it was deter-mined that he was dangerously close to overdosing or had incurred some sort of an injury in which case he was taken to hospital In that same city a blue collar hard working town women who over-drank and were picked up drunk were taken to hospital if it was deemed that they were in physical trouble But if that was not the case women were taken to Jail At that time a com-mittee was struck to find out why
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoThose of us offering
services are not
connected and donrsquot
seem to know one
another except perhaps
for the few agencies
that do work with menrdquo
February 2009
Page 11
out But we also know that many try but cannot ldquoget over itrdquo much as they would like to Sadly we also know that some end up using addiction and or violence and end up in jail or treatment and never report the abuse (I wonder how many men who are in jail for vio-lent acts have been abused as boys mdash but that is another arti-cle) Some end up dead Where are all these men Are they suffering in silence
Free or close to free workshops for male survi-vors have been offered but few men come out Perhaps the adverts for such offerings are not read by these men or their partners Yet invariably when a man does finally access services he reports the difficulty he has had finding such services Is that too a lack of good PR It seems that the lack of information and the lack of coordinating ser-vices as well as the lack of the ability to document the need have all contributed to the situation we face Those of us offering services are not connected and donrsquot seem to know one another except per-haps for the few agencies that do work with men
In September of 2008 the Archdio-cese of Toronto gave the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness a small grant to help me partner with
others to offer groups for men This has been difficult to accom-plish Despite all the emails sent out only one person responded and unfortunately she is out of the area How does it happen How do those of us working in this field connect collaborate and use each other as referrals and consultants
It is a difficult situation
Originally when asked to write this article about the ser-vices in my area I waxed eloquent about how we are all protecting our little clinical kingdom reluc-tant to share information or lose clients But
upon reflection I wonder if that is true Could it be truer that others like me are busy doing what we do best mdash working with our clients mdash thus leaving less time for what we do not do best investigate and find others working with the same clientele Am I guilty of just that I wonder
The next obvious question is how How do we get out the word that ldquoyou are not the only onerdquo to a man who was abused in childhood As we are aware men often donrsquot get help until they end up in some sort of trouble with relationships addictions or recovering from depression or suicidal attempts Or Jail Sadly they donrsquot get help there except possibly for anger management
Perhaps we can speculate that as more information regarding male childhood abuse becomes avail-able more men will come forward but if they come forward we have to have a network of people to be there It is so difficult for a man to attempt to get help mdash even more difficult if he finds places he has reached out to turn him away because they donrsquot how to help him or where to send him
Irsquove attempted in my limited way to get the message out that men need to know that they are not alone that six out of 10 boys have been or will be abused by age 18 that healing is possible and healing is a private issue Men need not suffer in silence and can stop past abuse from damaging their lives just as MaleSurvivor has helped The trouble seems to be that those who read this are not those who need to read it Too many ques-tions and not enough answers
My only plan at this point is to send the link for this edition of the newsletter highlighting Canada to everyone I can find in the hopes that somehow we service providers can have a conference workshop meeting or whatever to find each other and start working on getting the message out that we are here and we know something about how to help
Endnotes
sup1 UN report reveals ldquoshockingrdquo levels of violence against children
sup2 See httpwwwjimhoppercommale-ab
sup3 This is a discussion for another occasion
ldquoThe Cycle Stoppedrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 12
My Journey to MaleSurvivor
By Rob Hawkings MA
I was asked a few weeks ago if I would write an article for the MaleSurvivor newsletter telling
the story of how I came to be in-volved in working with male survi-vors most recently as the newest member of the Weekends of Recov-ery leadership team My initial reaction was an enthusiastic ldquoNo problem great ideardquo And I do think it is a great idea I remember back to about 1989 when I attended mdash as a par-ticipant mdash my first therapeutic weekend for men who had ex-perienced childhood sexual abuse how difficult it was to trust anyone enough mdash par-ticularly male author-ity figures mdash to talk openly about my experience and feelings and how much easier it was after the leaders had modeled appropriate trust and self-disclosure I see this autobio-graphical article as an opportunity to begin to earn your trust
A few days later it hit me that what I had undertaken was not a one-to-one direct personal exchange or confined to a self-help setting or therapy group or retreat it was go-ing to be published on the Inter-net mdash for anyone to read mdash forever After 21 years of personal recovery
including almost 20 years as a counselor and psychotherapist I am quite comfortable disclosing my status as a survivor and whatever pieces of my story will be helpful in therapeutic settings mdash but this is different This is not contained Ah well as I have been told many times along my journey There are no accidents look for signs of syn-
chronicity and take advantage of opportunities for growth So here goes
Counseling and psychotherapy is a second career for me to which I aspired as a teenager a natural choice given that one of my child-hood roles as the eldest son in an alcoholic home was to be confi-dant and counselor to my suffering mother Looking back it is a very good thing I got diverted from that career path while at university Blind to my personal issues and
without the support and life experi-ence to handle my deeply buried emotions I would have made a terrible mdash and perhaps dangerous mdash therapist I am grateful that I did not revisit this career path until age 39 after I had begun a personal healing journey Up to that point I had managed to achieve an appar-ently successful life (at that time I
was in the corporate business world) but addictive behavior and underlying abuse-related issues had progressed to the point where I was unable to hold my house of cards together I realize now that the ensu-ing marital and pro-fessional melt-down was both unavoid-able and necessary in order for the healing to begin
The high quality of the self-help and
professional therapy I was blessed to experience in the early stages of my own recovery reawakened (on a much healthier footing this time) my passion to be doing that kind of work as a professional Organiz-ing self-help retreats led to training to be an addictions counselor serv-ing a year ldquoin the trenchesrdquo of front-line addictions treatment (invaluable experience) and then working half-time for two years as a therapist in hospital-based psy-chiatric day-treatment programs
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Journey Uncredited Photo
February 2009
Page 13
during which time I began a private practice The part-time private practice filled quickly (and became full-time after two years) with re-covering alcoholics and addicts adult children of alcoholics and increasingly adult survivors of sex-ual abuse
It was while I was working that first year in a menrsquos residential addic-tion treatment facility that men be-gan to disclose to me that they had been sexually abused as boys These emotionally charged disclo-sures were always one-on-one and curiously were occurring way more often with me than with other counselors on staff I say ldquocuriouslyrdquo because I was curious as to why this was happening It was only that same year in context of self-help support and professional help that I ldquoconnected the dotsrdquo between my own sex-ual abuse as a boy and the problems that had developed in my life I did not yet fully understand as I do now that with the highly sensitive ldquoradarrdquo that survivors seem to have these men were recognizing in me an empathetic kindred spirit who would somehow relate to their is-sues To learn to help these men (and to help myself) along a heal-ing path I began to seek out any and all training I could find on the subject
In those early years I learned mostly from women in the feminist movement who had been aware of the impact of sexual abuse for dec-ades and were far ahead of men in helping each other heal Much of what they knew and so generously shared was also useful in working with men There are however ma-jor differences and I was fortunate in connecting with some of the pioneers (Mike Lew among others) who were researching and articulat-ing those differences and how to address them in recovery Over succeeding years I continued to gain experience doing one-on-one
therapy with male survivors and in lead-ing and supervising group-based pro-grams for a succes-sion of Ontario agen-cies Along the way I have been honored to serve as clinical consultant for two treatment handbooks on working with men who have experi-enced childhood sex-ual abuse
A significant experi-ence professionally for me was leaving
my private practice for five years (2000-2005) to work full-time as a Program Development Specialist at Bellwood Health Services a 60-bed in-patient addictions treatment fa-cility in Toronto It was stimulating and rewarding to play lead roles in designing and implementing Can-adarsquos first residential treatment program for sexual addiction and Canadarsquos first truly concurrent
treatment program for soldiers and veterans with substance depend-ency and post-traumatic stress (I like the term ldquoOperational Stress Injuryrdquo adopted by the Canadian military which encompasses the whole spectrum of clinical and sub-clinical combat-related stress disor-ders not just psychiatrically diag-nosable PTSD)
At this point in my life and career (as of 2005) I and my second wife (I have been happily remarried now for close to ten years) have chosen to ldquosemi-retirerdquo to the small town of Deep River Ontario about a six-hour drive north of Toronto where I maintain a part-time private prac-tice providing counseling therapy training and consulting in two of the specialties I am known for re-covery for male survivors of child-hood sexual abuse and sexual ad-diction recovery I also ldquokeep my hand inrdquo in the field of combat-related post-traumatic stress treat-ment by working two days a week as an addictions counselor at a large nearby Canadian Forces Base (in Petawawa) which is sending units regularly to Afghanistan and where we are seeing growing num-bers of soldiers self-medicating their post-traumatic stress symp-toms with addictive behavior and substances
Deep River affords us a wonderfully quiet and gently paced lifestyle in a part of the country with beautiful natural surroundings and consis-tently and gloriously clean air but it poses some challenges This town is where I grew up and where the abuse happened There are ldquoghosts
(Continued on page 15)
ldquoIn those early years I
learned mostly from
women in the feminist
movement who had
been aware of the
impact of sexual abuse
for decades and were far
ahead of men in helping
each other healrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 14
My Weekend of Recovery
By Robert L
M y Weekend of Recovery was a phenomenal ex-perience Phenomenal
The more time that passes the more I realize how much of a posi-tive impact the WOR has had on me Since the WOR things have opened up and my recovery is accelerating
Given the positive experi-ence it is hard to believe that I was somewhat hesitant to attend While I was very excited when I first signed up months in advance some personal issues arose by the time the WOR came around and I seriously considered backing out Thankfully I did not
By way of background I have known about my abuse all my life No flashbacks for me it was always front and center I tried to deal with it as best as I could alone I first spoke about the abuse at age 19 telling my first real love interest about it Disclosing my past only to love interests became a pattern for me until I could no longer handle the pain and started individual therapy at age 31 (six years ago)
The individual therapy has been very helpful I have learned a lot
about myself particularly by ex-ploring areas that I did not even think were part of the equation The therapy also helped a lot of the pain go away
My biggest single problem remains relationships or the lack thereof In actuality I have never had a ldquorealrdquo relationship Instead I keep repeat-ing the same patterns of falling for girls who cannot be emotionally available to me who are often
survivors themselves and are often already in a relationship with an-other man Clearly I needed to add something to my individual ther-apy
Over the past six years I have considered group therapy but
could not find a suitable group A few months before the WOR my therapist gave me a copy of Mike Lewrsquos book Victims No Longer As I read the book I realized that I was a ldquotextbook caserdquo and thought that surely there must be a ldquotextbook solutionrdquo (that I obviously could not find over six years of individual therapy) Naiumlve or not I decided to search for a group once again My online search led me to
the MaleSurvivor website Imagine my pleasant surprise when I discov-ered that a WOR was coming to my city I signed up immediately
I was literally the first survivor to arrive at Mysthaven and was so anxious to ldquoget the show on the roadrdquo While wait-ing for the others to arrive I spent my time looking around trying to make myself feel at home It did not take long for that to happen As I entered the main room I was faced with dozens of t-shirts made by past WOR attendees and it moved me to tears I was surely in a place where I belonged
Eventually the others arrived and we began the opening ceremony It was so well thought out Actually everything was well thought out right from the opening to the closing ceremonies I noticed a lot
In the First Person
ldquoI Know I Am Not Shamefulrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 15
of nice little touches and appreci-ated all of them
After the opening ceremony we did a ldquosafetyrdquo exercise in which everyone had a chance to express his needs for a safe environment (for instance I cannot have people touch my neck) We all committed to abide by the safety rules This turned out to be one of the best parts of the WOR because at no time whatsoever did I feel judged or unsafe in any way I cannot recall ever being in such an atmosphere before
We went through a lot of activities and exercises over the weekend Some of these included small groups breathing exercises (grounding) telling our story ldquosculptingrdquo shame busting commu-nity building art and mindfulness walks
I liked the small groups the best I felt there was an excellent fit among the facilitators my fellow survivors and me I had ample opportunity to say what I wanted to say and welcomed all the feed-back After years of individual ther-apy it was great to finally connect with other male survivors in a group setting I learned from my fellow survivors and it also put my recovery into perspective
The shame busting exercise was also incredible It is one thing to talk about creating intimacy it is another to learn how to do it ac-
from the pastrdquo on every street cor-ner mdash and I am finding them a greater challenge than I antici-pated It has been much easier (surprisingly) and a hugely empow-ering victory for me to transform the house we now inhabit mdash where some of the abuse occurred in my childhood mdash into the safest and most comfortable home I have ever known Deep River is relatively iso-lated from the colleagues I have come to know and trust over many years and I take every opportunity to join them whenever and wher-ever I can for trainings and work-shops I am also learning to rely more on the telephone and the Internet to maintain my personal and professional circles of support My journey of growth and healing continues It is not without hurdles and challenges but at this stage it is filled with blessings not the least of which are my two children (now adults) and the relationships I now enjoy with them Life now is better than I could ever have imagined and I welcome the challenges
Which brings me to the present blessing and challenge namely joining the leadership team of the MaleSurvivor Weekends of Recov-ery I have many strong family and professional connections in the United States and I welcome this opportunity to work with a geo-graphically and culturally broader range of men and women who share my values principles and passion for recovery I look forward to meeting and working with some of you
My Journey (Continued from page 13)
tively After the movement exercise one of the facilitators told me that I ldquolooked beautiful out thererdquo I did not believe or understand that comment at the time but I think I do now and it still makes me cry to think of it The comment made me feel that someone saw the ldquorealrdquo me regardless of what I look
like on the outside It also made me realize that I had forgotten how to ldquoplayrdquo I really did feel like a playful child during the exer-cise and I cannot think of the last time that I experienced such a feeling
Since the WOR I have stepped up my recov-ery process I attend weekly groups and keep in regular con-
tact with a few fellow WOR partici-pants I have also bought many self-help books started journaling and increased my time on the MaleSur-vivor forums
I see a dramatic difference in my-self since the WOR I feel more positive and more at peace I can also talk more freely about the abuse and no longer feel shame The bottom line is that I have moved from being a victim to being a SURVIVOR
Words cannot express my gratitude to the WOR team and my fellow survivors I really appreciate the individual chats and felt that every-one was genuinely interested in my recovery Thank you I love you all
ldquoThe shame busting
exercise was also
incredible It is one
thing to talk about
creating intimacy it is
another to learn how to
do it activelyrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 16
high schools were resistant to al-lowing staff members to enter their school and provide educational programs Having a male on staff proved to be beneficial and the program grew rapidly Fortunately mdash and unfortunately mdash the media be-gan writing articles about me and the educational programs Once the Ministry folks became aware a man was on the payroll of the cen-tre my position was terminated I was told that funding was specifi-cally designed for women to pro-
vide services for women To the credit of the crisis centre they had me volun-teer for six months until they could se-cure funding from the local United Way They seemed less concerned about a man wanting to pro-vide services to peo-ple in need
History was being made We became the first sexual assault crisis centre in Canada to open a separate satellite office for a
menrsquos program This was not something celebrated by all crisis centres I was asked to advocate for men but to keep quiet at the same time The program became very successful and more and more male survivors were asking for ser-vices Unfortunately in 2002 the local United Way decided to reduce their support after having a trou-
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
The Circle of Compassion
By Tom Wilken
T hanks to Dale English of the MaleSurvivor newsletter for asking me to write an article
about my experiences working with male sexual abuse survivors in Can-ada As an advocate it seems like the journey of working with survi-vors has many societal obstacles but we are moving forward slowly but surely I often wonder why it is so challenging for Canadians to include male survivors into the circle of compas-sion
In 1991 I accepted a role with the local sexual assault crisis centre and attended one of their training programs On the first day the female facili-tator looked at me and said ldquoyou must be a brave manrdquo I had no idea what she was talking about at the time but I sure do now For the next eleven years I was employed in an adversarial political roller coaster ride that made advocating for men a daunting task Nevertheless I am very thankful for that opportunity I started as a part-time support worker counseling men My posi-tion evolved and included the role of an Education Co-Coordinator The crisis centre found the local
bling fund raising year Since the gender of the clientele was male the crisis centre was unable to top up funding and the male program was removed from the services of-fered by this crisis centre This may sound discriminatory and perhaps even a human rights issue because it is In Canada we pride ourselves in celebrating diversity but unfor-tunately that does not always in-clude the needs of male survivors
Something exciting happened in 2002 Health Canada asked me to update their ldquoAdult Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse - Overview Pa-perrdquo which was distributed throughout the country by the Na-tional Clearinghouse on Family Vio-lence Until that point in time the Overview Paper was predominately written about the concerns of fe-male survivors without any equality for the concerns of male survivors There was some resistance voiced by a crisis centre about a man writ-ing about both genders but Health Canada took a chance and re-quested I complete the Overview Paper that spoke to the similarities and differences regarding the re-covery process of both genders This paper was considered success-ful and a second printing was needed to meet the requests by Canadians This was so rewarding for me and it helped me to realize that there is hope for male survi-vors
Facilitating groups for male survi-vors was an exciting part of my role at the crisis centre Being with men who are being ldquorealrdquo and sup-
ldquoThe Canadian
government has known
for years that 37 of
sexual abuse survivors
under the age of 21 are
male however they do
not open their hearts for
male survivors and
welcome them into the
circle of compassionrdquo
February 2009
Page 17
ple as well The main difference was they responded to their woundedness in a different fashion It is estimated that on any given day there are over 100000 people on probation in the province of Ontario It is also estimated that up to 80 of these folks may have been sexually abused This equates
to 80000 sexual abuse survivors who are on probation most of whom are male We also know that 59 of people in prison are sexual abuse survivors Sadly probation officers are not trained in sexual abuse recovery issues It is interest-ing to note that I work with more male survivors as a Probation Offi-cer than when I worked at the crisis centre When people are not given healthy outlets for expressing their anger it can manifest in less desir-able ways
I started the ldquoWe Want to Knowrdquo project in 2003 which was partially sponsored by the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness and the now
porting one another throughout the healing process is truly a magi-cal experience The men receiving services were both grateful and angry They were grateful to be receiving services but angry these services were not available when they were younger They wondered why so many other male survivors
are not given the same opportunity to heal Seven men from group consented to having their healing journey documented during thirty weeks of group counseling Thus the book Rebuilding Your House of Self Respect Men Recovering from Childhood Sexual Abuse first edi-tion was in the works
In 2002 I accepted a position as a Probation Officer with the Ministry of Community Safety and Correc-tional Services After working with victims for over a decade I won-dered if the adjustment to working with offenders was possible It did-nrsquot take long to realize that people who offended were wounded peo-
closed Windsor Family Forum We were able to fulfill the dream of the seven courageous men from group by distributing copies of the RYHSR book to agencies throughout Can-ada
Millions of dollars are spent in Can-ada for sexual assault crisis centres and other programs for female sur-
vivors These valuable programs for women are underfunded but un-fortunately there are rarely any services specifically for men The Canadian government has known for years that 37 of sexual abuse survivors under the age of 21 are male however they do not open their hearts for male survivors and welcome them into the circle of compassion
In 2007 the Diocese of London Ontario provided funding for my business Hope amp Healing Associ-ates and the Silence to Hope (STH) project was born The Diocese in-creased their funding from $30000
(Continued on page 18)
A Circle of Compassion (uncredited photo)
Vol 2 No 2
Page 18
material to the Ministry of Commu-nity Safety and Correctional Ser-vices the Ministry of Children and Youth Services Victim Services the Ontario Provincial Police and other various other agencies Over 1500 free copies of the second edition of my book Rebuilding Your House of Self Respect Men Recovering in Group from Childhood Sexual Abuse are being distributed to sur-vivors and agencies working with male survivors Lynne MacDonell has received funding from the Arch-diocese of Toronto and is assisting male survivors in central Ontario Her Help amp Hope Project is similar
to the STH project
The STH project was fortunate to partner with Howard Fradkin of MaleSurvivor and his Weekend of Re-covery facilitation team who came to Canada in November 2008 This was quite a treat for Canadian male survivors The expertise of the Frad-kin team provided a
high-caliber experience not nor-mally available to Canadians The feedback from participants indi-cated these men felt truly blessed to be part of this experience In 2009 I hope to write a workbook for male survivors that will accom-pany the second edition of the RYHSR book Ellen Campbell and the CCAA plan to partner with the STH project and provide free cop-ies of this workbook as part of a joint education and awareness pro-gram I am presently updating a Directory of Services for Health
in 2007 to $60000 in 2008 to $75000 in 2009 Thanks to the generosity of the Diocese we are able to provide support groups information and referral services education and awareness pro-grams The Diocese not only wanted us to help males who were victimized by priests but any male survivors
In the early stages we recognized that our communities were not pro-viding a safe and supportive envi-ronment for men to step out of isolation Various agencies were con-tacting me and shared their frustra-tions about not hav-ing places to refer men who were sexu-ally abused as chil-dren It became pain-fully evident how un-educated Canadian service providers are on the needs of men and sexual abuse One of the main focuses of the STH project is our education and aware-ness program and group facilita-tion
As sad as the present situation is for male survivors we are making progress The STH project has part-nered with agencies throughout our area and two agencies from our bigger cities are providing group facilitation on a year round basis We are partnering with the Cana-dian Centre for Abuse Awareness (CCAA) and providing educational
Circle of Compassion (Continued from page 17)
Canada and the National Clearing-house on Family Violence called Combining Voices This directory lists all agencies throughout the Country that provide services to male and female survivors
ldquoCollective denialrdquo is strong throughout Canada but there is HOPE There seems to be an im-portant shift in thinking taking place Several years ago the topic of working with male survivors was not to be spoken about however people are now more receptive to exploring the needs of a much ne-glected portion of the population More men are requesting services and more group counseling oppor-tunities are presenting themselves It appears that more and more Ca-nadian agencies are starting to rec-ognize the importance of including male survivors into the circle of compassion Every time we have articles in the media more men seem to come out of isolation My biggest concerns include the lack of funding by the government If this topic is not talked about and if a safe and supportive environment for men is not created men will go back into silence and isolation This work seems to be driven from the ldquobottom uprdquo and not the ldquotop downrdquo We need good men and women to talk more openly about the needs of male survivors ldquoCollective denialrdquo thrives when good people keep silent Survivors are not living in total isolation they are fathers brothers husbands workers community members and they are valuable human beings
We are proud to join MaleSurvivor in making this world a better place
ldquorsquoCollective denialrsquo is
strong throughout
Canada but there is
HOPE There seems to
be an important shift in
thinking taking placerdquo
February 2009
Page 19
This Boyrsquos Life
By Jordan M
M y life began as any other a happy boy in a happy nuclear family It
was a time when my biggest worry was my brother threatening to tattle on me for sneaking a cookie up to bed I was young and the life I was living was exactly how it should have been carefree and devoid of the messy thoughts and situations which I would soon come to know all too well I was a boy and without trying to sound too clicheacuted I was innocent Pure
My parentsrsquo nasty divorce popped that bubble I loved my family more than anything and the di-vorce ripped us apart Mom and Dad were too busy fighting each other to notice anything that was happening with me or my siblings We were pushed aside used as bargaining tools I felt like a pawn Mom convincing us that Dad was a bad guy Dad convincing us that Mom was to blame Being the third child of five I was lost I withdrew and I stayed as far away from any sort of family situation as I could I didnrsquot know whom to trust
Time passed and things leveled and Mom married again but her taste in men had changed since Dad Her new husband seemed to hate children and he made sure that was known He was a violent man and my family and I paid the price I felt more lost than ever I was all alone in a hell that I was not prepared for Looking for some
kind of calm in this storm I started spending more time with Dad on his farm
Dad had met and moved in with another woman as well and unlike my new step-dad I liked her I thought that this could be my escape I could stay with Dad and be safe Go back to being a kid again Live that normal life I used to have
Not only did Dadrsquos new girlfriend move in so did her brother mdash my new step-uncle of sorts He was great The coolest guy Irsquod ever met We got along he played with me we watched mov-ies we went out we did everything He paid attention to me and I sud-denly felt less alone He was that person whom I could trust He was the man who would help me through all this crap at home He was the one that cared I didnrsquot just have a new step-uncle I had a new friend a new guardian someone who was there for me I latched on I bought his trick mdash hook line and sinker
The sexual abuse began and after the initial shock frankly I got used to it Although I hated it he as-sured me it was ok This is what should be happening between a 12 year old boy and 32 year old man who have a special relationship like
the one we did I believed him All I had to do was comply with his sexual desires and he would remain there for me I was willing to pay that price to keep this man in my life Somewhere in the back of my little mind I knew it was wrong but
I wouldnrsquot tell a soul It was our little secret our special relation-ship Nobody could know but us
It went on for years and for years I grew more and more dis-tant from people from myself and from the world I attempted a few times to get away but there was no where to go Either I live in an abusive hell with Mom or I cater to my step-unclersquos desires at my
Dadrsquos Which is the lesser evil
I went back and forth from house to house each time growing a little more resilient a little harder Time went on and I wasnrsquot that little boy anymore Age was on my side now and I wanted it to stop
Mom did get rid of the mistake she married after a while but soon found a new one and I promised myself that I would not stand for another day in this hell The first time this new guy laid a hand on me I gave Mom an ultimatum him or me She chose him I was gone
(Continued on page 20)
In the First Person
ldquoAlthough I hated [the
abuse] he assured me it
was ok This is what
should be happening
between a 12 year old
boy and 32 year old
man who have a special
relationship like the one
we did I believed himrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 20
been chasing me the whole time and it was catching up
The lure of the big city called me and I began spending nights and weekends in Toronto Attempting to end the emptiness I began searching for ways to fill it I got hooked on drugs became an ad-dict I became hard Mean Nothing could touch me Fear couldnrsquot stand in my way The worst had already happened I thought what I was feeling was freedom but free was the farthest thing from the truth I was trapped trapped in anger and guilt and shame
The deep desire to be taken care of continued to force its way to the surface and take on new extremes My cutting habit that I had devel-
I left home at 16 I figured that anything was better than staying where I was This was going to be a new start for me It was going to be different this time I promised myself that I would make it
I was wrong Again
Life on your own at 16 is not an easy one mdash new city no friends barely any money Schools wouldnrsquot accept me apartments wouldnrsquot let a kid occupy a unit I was alone I was really alone this time It took
time but I eventually managed a bit of a life for myself and was able to get through high school but it didnrsquot come easy My past had
This Boyrsquos Life (Continued from page 19)
oped as a young teen had ex-ploded and I began to brutally beat myself in hopes that somebody would notice maybe take me to hospital Take care of me It didnrsquot work It never worked There was only one thing that worked sex
Hustling made me feel powerful Men would pay to be with me Itrsquos all I felt I was good at seducing men And it was a power that I so badly thought I needed As bad as I was treated the glimpse of con-trol that I felt was enough to keep me going back But all I was doing was allowing myself to be abused
over and over again It just lead me further and further down
The years passed and I lost all feeling I forgot how to feel I knew
A Sliver of Light copy 2009 Timothy Andrew
February 2009
Page 21
only three emotions happiness sadness and anger And it was the anger that consumed me Anything could set me off I was a ticking time-bomb I began to wonder if any sort of normal life would ever happen for me
I was ready to give up to accept that this was what God had planned for me but somewhere inside that messed up 20 year old head of mine there was a sliver of light the same light that was there when I was a child the light that only had to worry about sneaking a cookie up to bed And I knew that that tiny glimpse of light was the real me If I could find a way to broaden its beam I would be able to peel back all the layers of abuse and discover who I really am
I searched I called crisis lines I went to free therapy sessions I attempted to try to understand why I was like I was but I kept hitting dead ends Nobody seemed to know how to help me me a male survivor
Nothing would last The little help I did receive all faded All I really got were programs and information and books and flyers Then I found Lynne MacDonells number I called her late one night She agreed to meet with me and quickly got me
into her mens group ldquoA Time for Menrdquo
The group literally saved my life For the first time I knew I wasnt alone There were other men who had been through what I had been through and they genuinely cared for me It has been over three years
now and it is still difficult Although I have put an end to the coping mecha-nisms mdash the drugs and the cutting mdash itrsquos the feelings that still manage to give me a struggle As survivors we have to sort out our insides Our guts Our feelings All that stuff was ripped out mixed up and thrown back in when we were abused We have to retrain our brains learn how to think how to feel how to trust how to love At times I feel like Irsquom an emotional infant as if my body kept
growing after my uncle abused me but my mind didnrsquot That was the main issue when I finally decided that I needed to be on the path of recovery So I focused and I began
I look forward to those two hours every Monday night because I know I can say and share anything I want and I will not be judged I am safe there I am safe to peel back those layers of abuse and discover the real me who I was really meant to be not this husk of
a human being that I had been living as for so many years
Since joining the group I have finished university got my degree I am free of drugs and self-harming I have a good job and a much healthier lifestyle and I have come out with my secret about sexual abuse
I am not ashamed of who I am anymore It is a long and tough uphill battle and it is still far from over but I know that I have plenty of people helping me fight this battle Our group is more that just a support group We are a family a brotherhood of survivors deter-mined to help each other and spread the word
It was hope That light the real memdashit was hope As survivors some-times all we have to go on is hope and that is why we need to remem-ber that there is ALWAYS hope There never needs to be a dead end That tiny sliver of light exists in all of us you just have to find it
ldquoAs survivors
sometimes all we have
to go on is hope and
that is why we need to
remember that there is
ALWAYS hope There
never needs to be a
dead end That tiny
sliver of light exists in
all of us you just have
to find itrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 22
My Story
by Bruce M
A s I start to write this article I find myself sitting in front of the house where I was
first sexually abused I donrsquot know why I am here but I am Perhaps it is my way of being in control which I certainly wasnrsquot for a very long time It was really not that long ago before I avoided this area of the city entirely mdash never mind sitting on the street in front of the home where I was sexually as-
saulted
I am now 42 years old and have a partner who supports me more than I could have ever asked for I am in love and
although I thought I loved others before now I really know what love is For many years I was so secretly dysfunctional that most people were under the impression that I had it all together but that was furthest from the truth I was a good actor
I grew up in a middle class suburb of Toronto I was the youngest of three kids I was diagnosed with ADD and was given Ritalin to ldquosettle me downrdquo I think that Ritalin was an easy out for my parents I needed more one on one interac-tion and understanding rather than a drug regimen which suited their
needs I clearly remember my pe-diatrician back then coaching my parents on what I needed mdash and many of his recommendations went ignored In their minds it seemed that all I needed was Ritalin
I had very few true friends Most people found my hyperactivity to be too much My mother was a practicing alcoholic (thankfully sober for about 28 years now) and my father was nothing short of physically abusive mdash mainly to my sister and me but also to my brother from what I understand My father had out-bursts of rage during which he would beat me with a dog leash and his fist Once he shoved my head down a toilet and told me that is where I belonged I donrsquot know if many people could appreciate how horrible it was to be told that As long as I live I will never for-get how I felt when he said that
When I was 12 years old I was enrolled in basketball That year I excelled and my team ended up winning the champion-ship This was a great confidence boost that I really needed I had finally found something that I was good at The second year was not so great My assistant basketball
coach was a sexual predator who saw a shy and troubled boy in me and decided that he would look after his own needs This guy was a medical doctor so he knew what he was doing and started what I now understand was a very intense grooming process He talked to me about my hyperactivity my motherrsquos alcoholism and my fatherrsquos abuse As I remember back he brought these things up often while he was getting to know me
After a period of time he invited me to his home one day on the pretence of my coming over to rake leaves Once there he invited me to his basement where he
Moving On
Bruce M
Bruce M during the time of his abuse
February 2009
Page 23
matum He said that if I would not come to his house we could no longer be friends I donrsquot know how I did it but I decided that I did not want to go to his house and that was the end of that I now know that he went on to find an-other victim
For nearly the next two decades I struggled with life To add insult to injury I knew that I was a gay male and after the abuse I figured that this was what a gay relation-ship was like and I didnrsquot want it I lacked direction with almost everything I did For a while I was practically homeless because I was staying with one friend after another putting myself in situations where I could be abused again and again I was con-stantly haunted with
guilt because I was sure that the man who abused me was abusing other boys
Finally one day I came forward and told the police about my abuse They charged this man and I quickly learned that this perpetra-tor was one of the nastiest that I have come across to this day He had deep pockets and fought ruthlessly I was followed by private investigators my friends were approached by private investigators
made it clear that his gentle kind supportive ways would have a cost to me I remember hating the experience This disgusting smelling man was more than repulsive Would you believe that I went back Well I did Most other vic-tims of sexual abuse will under-
stand why better than those who have not been there I wanted to be cared for and listened to so badly that for a while I just put up with the abuse This guy came to my school at lunch and let me drive his car around the back streets I was too young and imma-ture to realize that this was not a kind gesture but more grooming that would give him access to what he wanted Eventually he got an-noyed that I would avoid going to his house so he gave me an ulti-
for interviews and he hired some of Canadarsquos best attorneys to get him out of his charges When I went to court to testify at a prelimi-nary trial he had people there to threaten me in the halls of the court and the bathrooms The criminal case went on and on and eventually to the Supreme Court of Canada for a ruling about my con-sent All in all it has been a very intense process which went on so long that the case was thrown out because of delay He is still not out of hot water because the College of Physicians and Surgeons went after him and I had to testify at that hearing too which is still going on to this day
Last fall I completed my third Weekend of Recovery and al-though I have been in private ther-apy for close to four years and have been a part of a menrsquos group in Toronto nothing compares to the results that I achieved from attending the Weekends of Recov-ery The weekend program and the connections that I made with other guys and therapists have been instrumental in giving me a push forward allowing me to have some happiness and a meaningful rela-tionship which I was never able to have before
Life is not perfect but I can tell you that it is so much better than it was a few years ago and it is getting better all the time
Bruce M during the time of his abuse
Vol 2 No 2
Page 24
nor injury well that was his cue He took me into a medical room and closed the door He examined my knee and soon the subject changed That was the first time that I was sexually assaulted
Over the years this repulsive man be-came my coach in both hockey and baseball He was a central figure at the arena and the base-ball diamond He was the one involved in all the fundraisers and came to be known as ldquothe guy who would do any-thing for the kidsrdquo Most of the parents loved him mdash but not mine He drank with parents partied with them all while he ldquotook carerdquo of us kids
The first time I was abused at the arena I told someone older than I I did so again when I was 15 What was I to do Neither time did the adults take appropriate action and you guessed it everything was swept under the carpet So I did the only thing I knew how to do mdash I stuffed it
Growing up was a difficult time for me because of the abuse and the fact that I suffered with ADHD and anxiety (undiagnosed at the time) My sisters did well in school how-ever I didnrsquot I would work my tail off get a ldquoCrdquo and then would be told to work harder or asked if I
A Victim No More
by Glenn Allan
M y name is Glenn Allan and I grew up in Stoney Creek Ontario Canada
By all rights I should have been dead years ago I am a recovering alcoholic and cocaine addict and I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse I donrsquot want my story to become an ldquoabuse or addiction-aloguerdquo so I wonrsquot get into graphic details or talk about every abusive situation
Please keep an open mind as this is my story
I was wel-comed into a loving yet dysfunctional family in February of 1964 I have four sisters
nine nieces and nephews two great-nieces and one great-nephew My story begins around the age of seven I loved skating and playing hockey I was always told ldquoYoursquove gotta practice to get betterrdquo and so I did I would play as much ice and road hockey as I could and my sis-ters would take me public skating It was at public skating that my abuser first spotted me and as-saulted me I fell during one of those skating sessions and hurt my knee My abuser was a skating monitor that day and when I needed medical attention for a mi-
were dumb My frustrations grew mdash if only they knew that there was a hurting little boy inside But I was a boy who was too afraid to say that he hurt or to cry mdash because ldquobig boys donrsquot cryrdquo I would get teased at home about being stupid or
asked ldquoWhy donrsquot you try harderrdquo
I couldnrsquot defend my-self verbally with my parents because that would have been ldquotalking backrdquo There were times when I would be so angry at them for picking on me for little things and I would think to myself ldquoYou are yell-ing at me for this while he (the abuser) is doing that to merdquo
Talk about frustration and built up rage I was a walking volcano I would fight all the time whether it was at school playing hockey or baseball it really didnrsquot matter why mdash all I knew was I was MAD
Over the years I slowly lost my self-esteem and self-worth I wanted to be anybody but me I idolized ath-letes like Bobby Orr Bobby Clarke and Pete Rose because of their dedication and work ethic Being a class clown I loved comedians (Steve Martin Richard Pryor Robin Williams Johnny Carson) and the entertainer in me loved singers (Elvis) and wanted so badly to be them Then maybe people would like me because there was abso-lutely no way anyone could really
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Glenn Allan
ldquoMy frustrations grewmdash
if only they knew that
there was a hurting little
boy inside But I was a
boy who was too afraid
to say that he hurt or to
crymdashbecause lsquobig boys
donrsquot cryrsquordquo
February 2009
Page 25
like or love me with the things my abuser had made me do
Because of the trauma of being abused I wet the bed until I was about 12 years of age which drained any remaining self-worth or self-esteem that I had left I was so embarrassed And then I had to tolerate ridiculous comments from people saying things like ldquoYou know that you are going to have to stop thisrdquo and ldquoYou are getting too old for thisrdquo No kidding really Did they think that I liked waking up in my own urine Did they not think that I wanted to stop Did they have any idea how their words hurt me Man oh man it was like that all the time They just didnrsquot think before they spoke
Frustrated and over-whelmed in my teens I finally found the ldquofriendrdquo that I had been looking for mdash first name ldquoALrdquo last name ldquoCOHOLrdquo I would be-come a whole new person when I drank booze and how I drank I found a brand new confidence I was somewhat funny when I drank dur-ing the early years of drinking however over time I became de-pressed and extremely angry I would fight in bars on a regular basis Then in December of 1987 I was stabbed outside a bar and nearly died Now you would think that being stabbed and nearly dy-ing would prompt a lifestyle
change or at the very least cause me to take a personal inventory of my situation and myself But not me I wore it as a badge of honour allowing the insanity to continue
It is said that if the drugs and alco-hol donrsquot kill you the lifestyle will During this time and over the years I was introduced to many criminals Their crimes ranged from murder assaults extortion and drug dealing to running massage parlours and prostitution mdash to just name a few One of my acquaint-ances was even a hired killer He
actually assassinated two reputed crime bosses in Ontario and is now serving a lengthy sentence for those and other killings
But I was drawn to their so-called power and complete disregard for the law Looking back on it I guess I was looking to reclaim the power
that was stolen from me by my abuser
In my early twenties I got a job working with Young Offenders as a Correctional Officer With the money I was making I bought a very nice sports car dated pretty women was extremely materialistic and yet I was never satisfied I worked in corrections for about four years During that time I also began my career in the world of entertainment as a voice impres-sionist and stand-up comedian as well as a co-host of a comedy tele-
vision show I had a tremendous ego and unknowingly had be-come rdquoThe Great I Amrdquo
After a couple of years I moved from comedy to producing and host-ing my own sports television program which aired for ten years I had so much fun and I was able to meet and interview some of sportsrsquo big-gest names
In my mid-20s when the alcohol wasnrsquot medicating my pain any longer I turned to
something stronger mdash COCAINE During a span of approximately ten years the combination of alcohol cocaine and all my poor choices cost me most of my jobs many of my relationships and all my money It drove me to criminal activity po-lice charges a conviction and a criminal record But most of all I
(Continued on page 26)
Alone Uncredited Photo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 26
was lost Glenn was slowly dying inside me I became depressed and despondent and I hated so many people But most of all I hated my-self
I had attempted suicide on a few occasions and I really and truly had a death wish I hated myself so much that on Friday January 16 1998 loaded with a supply of co-caine and booze I booked myself into a hotel room with no intention of coming out alive Friday night and Saturday passed with me drinking and getting high on co-caine After having more cocaine delivered to me on Sunday after-noon there was no turning back mdash or so I thought Approximately at midnight on Sunday I made my final decision mdash it was time for me to leave this stinking world I ingested enough cocaine to kill me and then I barricaded my hotel door and ripped the phone out of the wall I lay down on the bed defeated broken sad guilt-ridden ashamed depressed and scared yet so ready to die
Only Divine Intervention mdash some sort of miracle mdash can explain what hap-pened next The police came into my hotel room at just the right time on Sunday night and took me to the hospital Who called them how did they know to come to my room I donrsquot know Well thatrsquos not completely true Today I am a man of faith and as a Christian I know exactly who orchestrated my rescue
A Victim No More (Continued from page 25)
After a brief stay in the hospital I chose to enter the Hamilton Menrsquos Withdrawal Management Centre where I spent eleven days From there I entered an intensive addic-tion treatment centre for a six-week stay followed by a five and one half month stay at a recovery house
I have been clean and sober since Janu-ary 19 1998
I work the program of recovery intensely I was blessed with some incredible therapists who were able to break through my trust issues my rough exterior and my wall of comedy to allow me to heal I also became involved in the 12-Steps and other support groups through which I have found tremendous friendships and men-toring
Recovery is about making changes Al-though my abuser assaulted me until I was 15 years old I blamed him for all of my problems until I was 33 years old I had to change from being a pro-fessional blamer and liar to a man of responsibility character and in-tegrity It wasnrsquot easy however after many tears and lots of hard work life has gotten much better
Over time and through applying these principles I found peace se-renity and forgiveness and I also
learned how to love myself again Everything that was set in motion to harm me as a young man is now what drives me With Godrsquos help today I am able to live humbly honestly open-minded and willing to do whatever it takes to stay clean and sober while doing what I can to help others who face similar
struggles
Today I serve the Ca-nadian Centre for Abuse Awareness as the Director of the Southwestern Ontario office My mission at hand is to create a task force that will be responsible for build-ing a residential pro-gram for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
I am also the Execu-tive Producer and Host of three popular television programs Good News Sports The Edge and Living Clean Living Clean is the only live weekly interactive television program in Canada
that is designed to assist individu-als who suffer with addiction abuse andor mental illnesses
I also host The Glenn Allan Show on a local radio station in Hamil-ton ON Canada
As a motivational speaker my pres-entation entitled Youth Yak Live has enabled me to speak to thou-sands of youth nationwide since 2000 Through Youth Yak Live I
ldquoRecovery is about
making changes
Although my abuser
assaulted me until I was
15 years old I blamed
him for all of my
problems until I was 33
years old I had to
change from being a
professional blamer and
liar to a man of
responsibility character
and integrity
February 2009
Page 27
Male Survivor Groups (MSG)
By Robert Beacuterubeacute Co-founder MSG
M ale Survivor Groups (MSG) was created by a group of male survivors
of childhood sexual abuse follow-ing the death of a fellow survi-vor in Lon-don Ontario Canada The initial objec-tives were to foster cama-raderie and support for one another and also to obtain proper help
for survivors in the London area
Presently our aim is to help all male survivors and also to make our cause known It is open to all male survivors of childhood ado-lescent and adult abuse We have expanded and have supported the creation of groups across Canada and we are prepared to support the creation of groups throughout the World
Groups have been established in London Vancouver Sudbury and North Bay in Canada
Our beliefs
1 Our groups are for male survi-vors of abuse What is said in the group remains there What is stated must remain confiden-
have developed tremendous work-ing relationships with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police Ontario Provincial Police Crime Stoppers local police agencies young of-fender facilities churches self-help groups and alcohol and drug treatment centres
I also facilitate a weekly peer sup-port group for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
There was a time when I thought I would never get married and that no one could love me for who I am Colleen and I met in 1999 We both have similar pasts We both have worked through our abuse issues and are both clean and so-ber In 2001 my best friend and I married and we now have three beautiful children Ashley Brandon and Christopher Spending the rest of my life with Colleen and our family is a dream come true
The opportunity of sharing Godrsquos gifts and blessings with others is truly an honour and a privilege It is imperative that I never take these things for granted
If I can assist you or someone dear to you please donrsquot hesitate to contact me at the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness Ph 905-594-1581 or email glennccfaacom or visit these websites
wwwabusehurtscom wwwlivingcleanca wwwglennallanca
or write to me co CCAA 38 King St East PO Box 66614 Stoney Creek ON L8G 5E5
(Continued from page 26)
tial Anonymity is of the utmost importance unless the survivor has gone public But intimate details of the public person must also remain confidential Confidentiality must be assured
2 We are in the group to heal and to support each other
3 We are male survivors who want to heal and help others in the process We can be as young as 16 or as old as old can be
4 Our primary purpose is our own safe being Secondary purposes are the betterment of services for male survivors and the advancement of our cause
5 We fight on so that we may grow in solidarity
6 We are not a religious group We do use different models of functioning in our different sub-groups Ours is a healing group for more than one prob-lematic issue
7 We encourage partnerships with organisations businesses and agencies that foster the creation of services for male survivors of abuse
We have created a Facebook Group which is also open to FRIENDS who support our cause Our group is establishing partnerships with other male survivor groups in Canada and worldwide You can contact us through the Facebook page or by emailing me at berube55yahooca
Support Groups
Robert Beacuterubeacute
Vol 2 No 2
Page 28
The CCAA By Ellen Campbell [ellenccfaacom]
Founder and Executive Director Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness
A s some of you know the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness (CCAA) is a
national non-government charitable organization dedicated to eliminat-ing child abuse through advocacy education public awareness and prevention programs With help from community and corporate partners the CCAA provides accessible support healing and indi-vidual empowerment for adult survivors their fami-lies and caregivers through over 20 programs Those that listen to classic rock station Q107 in the To-ronto region will recognize us as their charity of choice through Derringerrsquos Thir-teen Days of Christmas campaign
Based in Newmarket On-tario the CCAA is an active and vibrant organization that in addition to its variety of program offer-ings is also involved in public safety advocacy That advo-cacy started with the early release from prison of one of the perpetra-tors in the Maple Leaf Gardensrsquo child sex abuse scandal Many surviving victims were traumatized again this time by the system The
CCAA went public with its concerns that day and the public safety advocacy program was born
Later the CCAA wrote a sweeping report titled Martinrsquos Hope named in memory of Martin Kruze (the first victim to courageously go public with the story of his abuse at the Gardens and who later tragi-cally took his own life) that made 60 recommendations for legislative and policy change to the criminal justice system These recommenda-tions were gleaned from round-
table discussions with over 150 front-line criminal justice system professionals crime victims and survivors To this day members of the Kruze family sit on the CCAA Board of Directors
After the initial public release of the Martinrsquos Hope report in the fall of 2003 I knew that if repairs were to be made to the criminal justice system advocacy would have to be accelerated That advocacy began in earnest in early 2006 with the hiring of John Muise a volunteer with the CCAA and previously a Toronto police officer with signifi-cant experience in legislative and policy advocacy The hire coincided with new political winds blowing in Ottawa The CCAArsquos full-time public
safety program was born
Relationships already in existence were strength-ened new ones were made and the CCAA intensified its advocacy with politi-cians stakeholders and other decision makers In addition the CCAA courted media attention recogniz-ing the opportunity to get our message out
That advocacy included the preparation of written briefs in support of testi-mony before a number of decision making bodies including several appear-ances before the House of Commons Justice Commit-tee
ADVOCACY REWARDED The last three years have brought success on a number of fronts Progress on the criminal justice reform front is rarely if ever the result of one person or just one organization advocating for
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoMartinrsquos Hoperdquo in Memory of Martin Arnold Kruze From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 29
government Although there are specific circumstances under which the age of consent is 16 (or 18) the general age of consent remained at 14 For many in the child protection
world this has been a shame of what is otherwise a devel-oped and civilized land The fight is finally over with the passage and Royal Assent of this legisla-tion in July of 2008 This is a victory for the many people that fought the good fight and most importantly this law allows prose-cution of those adult predators who choose to sexually exploit 14
and 15 year old children
Review of federal corrections policy
In 2007 the federal government ordered an independent review of the federal corrections and parole system The CCAA attended the announcement of that review and subsequently appeared before the review team and provided detailed written recommendations for change The final report included a number of recommendations that the CCAA provided including those contained in Martinrsquos Hope A rollout of some report recommen-dations has already started includ-ing a pilot project for the use of electronic monitoring on serious and violent offenders who are on parole in communities
(Continued on page 30)
Dangerous offenders Having someone declared a dan-gerous offender is very difficult to do In fact there are fewer then 400 declared dangerous offenders in the country This amendment makes it easier to bring a dangerous offender application for a serious repeat con-victed offender before the court The end result should be we hope the detection and declaration of more dangerous offenders Dangerous offender designation is for life and results in indefinite lock-up of the offender with periodic judicial reviews
Community protection orders
Also known as ldquoSection 810rdquo orders they allow the state to monitor the activities of certain subjects mdash no longer under some form of sen-tence or other judicial release but still considered a danger mdash to be placed on a judicial order similar to a bail with control and monitoring conditions The legislation explicitly expands the controls that can be usedmdashfor example electronic moni-toringmdashand extends the length of the order from one year to two
Age of protection For longer than people care to remember advocates have fought to raise the general age of consent from 14 to 16 years of age Until recently those voices have been largely ignored by the federal
change but no one can deny the important roll played by the CCAA in advancing these reforms These are all original recommendations contained in the Martinrsquos Hope report The results as they say speak for themselves and include but are not limited to the follow-ing
Mandatory minimum sentences for Internet chi ld abuse offences
Over time courts have increasingly relied on so called ldquohouse arrestrdquo provisions (see section immediately below) when sentencing offenders found guilty of Internet child abuse and similar kinds of serious child exploitation offences The sen-tences were often way out of pro-portion to the gravity of the crimes Minimum sentences were legislated for a variety of crimes with the net effect of eliminating the ability of the court to impose ldquohouse arrestrdquo
Conditional sentences of imprisonment
Better known as ldquohouse arrestrdquo this measure brought in over a decade ago was being imposed by the courts for ever more serious of-fenders and offences Many violent and dangerous offenders were allowed to serve their term of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo at home Justice and public safety were compro-mised by this provision Although the Bill that finally passed was watered down significantly by opposition party demands the end result was a tightening of the cir-cumstances under which a sen-tence of this kind could be given
ldquoAfter the initial public
release of the Martinrsquos
Hope report in the fall
of 2003 I knew that if
repairs were to be made
to the criminal justice
system advocacy would
have to be acceleratedrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 30
munity committees and inquiries including the Federal Inquiry pre-sided over by Justice Major into the Air India bombing
Moving forward We are delighted to report that John Muise our Director of Public Safety has recently received a Governor-in-council appointment as a full-time member of the Na-tional Parole Board effective in May of 2009 Although this is a big loss
for the CCAA we are thrilled for John and we know that he will bring the same com-mitment to public safety in that position as he did with the CCAA We wish him the very best in this new and challenging role
Much progress has been made in the past three years with
more anticipated The federal gov-ernment has signaled its intention to finish the work it started and attempt a further repeal of condi-tional sentences of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo They have also said that they in-tend on amending certain aspects of parole legislation and moving on tightening up security (including drug interdiction) in federal prisons
As we kick off 2009 the CCAA has the following priorities
Enhanced training for law enforcement off icers involved in chi ld abuse
investigations The introduction of provincial ldquosafe havenrdquo legislation that would pro-
vide a distressed mother who has given birth (within 72 hours) to take her baby to a place of safety (for example fire station police station hospital emergency) no questions asked and drop the baby off The purpose is to avoid the unthinkable mdash dumpster aban-donment murder at birth This legislation exists in all 50 of the United States but has yet to to be introduced in this country
Parole reform In addition the CCAA will work with partners on two parole and corrections recommendations They include legislating breach of parole as an offence for which a police officer has a power of arrest Com-plimentary to this the replacement of statutory release (automatic release after serving two thirds of a sentence) with regular earned parole Both recommendations were included in the final report of the Corrections Review Team and had been provided with others by the CCAA
We at the CCAA believe that much has been done on the criminal justice reform and public awareness front We are grateful for the pro-gress thus far and proud of the part we have played in moving the public safety agenda along
There is still much work to be done and the CCAA will step up to carry on this most important work
Selection of judges In recognition of the importance of the justice selection process the federal government has recently expanded the scope of people selected to sit on the regional Judicial Advisory Committees tasked with vetting potential ap-pointments and providing recom-mendations to the federal Attorney General and Minister of Justice for final selection Although still dominated by judges and lawyers a wider variety of voices and minds is now part of the selection proc-ess This is welcome news I am one of those voices I sit on one of the regional committees itrsquos an appointment we can all be proud of
Gun crime and other victim focused matters
Although outside the specific man-date of the CCAA (and not included in the Martinrsquos Hope report) in recognition of the impact on com-munities and particularly at risk children and youth the CCAA also appeared before the House of Commons Committee in support of mandatory minimum sentences for serious gun crimes and for amend-ments that tighten up the bail system for those charged with serious gun-related offences
In addition several crime victim supportive briefs were prepared for a number of safe school and com-
The CCAA (Continued from page 29)
ldquoWe at the CCAA hellip are
grateful for the progress
thus far and proud of
the part we have played
in moving the public
safety agenda alongrdquo
February 2009
Page 31
higher than its current statistical significance would suggest I would suggest itrsquos about one in four of the men I deal with 25 compared to the 16 suggested in the cur-rent literature If you allow for the fact that many of the men I work with have come from dysfunctional families that have been dysfunc-tional for generations the higher rate of incidence will hardly be surprising
I really had no idea when I started this job that I would have a head-
on collision with CSA No idea at all I was in my pre-survivor life My own past experi-ences were like a dormant volcano Sure some smoke would puff out every now and then for no readily apparent rea-son but no major eruption But as I heard more and more stories told by men in their own abyss of despair and self loath-ing things started to bubble within me
I remember the first man who disclosed to me He did not really intend to He started to tell part of a story and I just knew I just knew What he did say was part of an institutional abuse situa-tion that gained public awareness in the media After that story broke many men came forward as well to tell their story of how they too were abused as boys in a school
Inside
By Geeders (Jim)
W hen I was first asked to write about my experi-ences working in a jail I
wasnrsquot really sure what I could say about it Can I say this or should I say that Was it going to be really negative or show promise of better days ahead And what about me mdashthe new me mdash dealing with issues of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) at the same time as the men I see and work with How the hell was (or is) that going to work Well it is a work in progress after all and one that seems to evolve as I change and as I become more comfortable with my own sense of a new self
Let me begin by saying that there is nothing in this article that would meet the rigours of clinical dissection Equally important I do not work with sexual offenders What I am going to say is purely my experience based on personal observation No scientific analysis can be attributed to it apart from what we already know or suspect One in six men will have been sexually assaulted or abused by the time they are 18 It has long been opined that the number of abused men is actually
setting that was really a cover for juveniles in trouble with the law
The inmate I was working with did not come forward at that time He couldnrsquot His disclosure to me was the first time he had ever said anything about his abuse No one else knew mdash no one He was alone His pain was palpable and obvious His shame and guilt were profound Never had he admitted to himself what had happened in that school let alone admitted to a total stranger until that very moment I listened to his pain tried to console him just let him cry Eventually over the course of a couple of interviews it became obvious to me why he was in jail Any self-esteem that he had as a boy or young man was destroyed by his abuse His very essence was rewritten by the men who had abused him Teens get into trouble but they can also learn to later stay out of it by fol-lowing the teachings of those they trust But for this young man his ability to trust was destroyed by the very people who were sup-posed to care for him nurture him and dare I say it love him appro-priately What was even more tragic is that this man came from a cul-ture that has low tolerance for anything that even remotely resem-bles homosexuality
Being abused sent this man on a downward spiral that ultimately turned him into a drug addict by his own admission a junkie who hated himself for what ldquohe had
(Continued on page 32)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoOver the course of
several related careers I
have seen a lot of good
being done Irsquove also
seen a lot of ugliness
that even by todayrsquos
standards defies the
most common
sensibilities we have as
human beingsldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 32
donerdquo His shame and guilt and culture prevented him saying any-thing about what happened It cut him off from any legal action that might take place and removed any sort of financial compensation that he might gain as a result of his abuse It eventually cut him off from his own family because his drug abuse prevented him from working and supporting his wife and family It destroyed his ability to be a good dad and husband A few years later I saw him back in jail again
When I did encounter him again it was with an in-creased sense of awareness within me Every time a man disclosed to me that he had been sexually abused or assaulted I started to die inside A little piece of me just died every time a man said to me what I could not say to myself or anyone else That dormant volcano started to fume a bit more regularly
Over the course of several related careers I have seen a lot of good being done Irsquove also seen a lot of ugliness that even by todayrsquos standards defies the most common sensibilities we have as human beings It exists Itrsquos around every corner if we choose to look at it Along with the ugly we have the good We have people who are willing to take a stand and come forward to say to the world ldquoWe
Inside (Continued from page 31)
have a problem here itrsquos not going to go away and it needs to be fixedrdquo I had the good fortune to meet many of these people last year at a conference on male sex-ual victimization By then I had been able to learn from the men that I serve that perhaps I too could learn to tell someone Could I be a survivor too
Men in jail are there for a reason Whether itrsquos to protect society while they await trial or from
themselves or while sentenced they are here Whether I think they should be here is irrelevant They are usually at the end of their ropes Their lives are upside down and in turmoil They are frequently in withdrawal from illicit drug use They are in the bottom of a pit from which there does not appear to be an escape or refuge They are desperate and will act desperately
if needed They are angry and no longer have any control over their lives Someone has taken that control away from them They have no choice but to comply Failure to comply results in loss of privileges which can include being prohibited from contact with those they love the most Forced co-habitation with other men can evoke strong memories of prior abuse which they cannot deal with let alone understand It can be isolation
They are alone and cannot speak about their issues for fear of being discovered and further stigmatized and trau-matized by a peer group that cannot tolerate differences or diversity
I have been fortunate in that for some reason men trust me and feel safe and able to disclose And when they do you can see the relief on their faces They are scared for sure but it has always seemed to be a relief I have to ask them I have no choice because itrsquos part of my job But now as a survivor myself I can tell them they are not alone I cannot tell them about me but I can tell them they are not alone that they
are among the approximately one in six men who are assaulted or abused when they are boys or young men I can tell them about the few resources we have avail-able for men which are a 100 improvement compared to what they had when they first walked into my office I tell them about MaleSurvivor and have MS posters up in my office I can tell them that
ldquoTougher than lsquoNamrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 33
Maybe not I prefer to think that I have shown them that there is hope There is life in being a survi-vor they donrsquot have to be held hostage any longer by a secret that was put upon them by an abuser I prefer to think that I have been able to show them that they do not have to be ashamed for being male When I speak with them Irsquom a straight shooter I calls rsquoem as I sees lsquoem I use words they can understand mdash street language mdash which helps them understand their bodies and to understand that Mother Nature made them to be reactive and responsive I tell them that simply because their bodies reacted that their bodies re-sponded while being abused did not make the abuse their fault It takes a while to get there at times But the relief when the penny drops and they realize that they themselves were in no way respon-sible for the abuse is quite remark-able
Just this week Irsquove been working with a man who actually smiled when he came into my office He said ldquoI finally get it It wasnrsquot my faultrdquo He then went on to tell me that immediately prior to his at-tending in my office he had just disclosed to his sister while on the phone in his jail area surrounded by other inmates While it was perhaps not the safest venue for a disclosure he made his own deci-sion He said he was taking control As a 35 year old this man has not been in control since he was first abused at age seven Subsequent abuse only reinforced for him that he was an object a thing not worth anything Relationship after relationship failed him as he con-tinued to relive issues of abandon-
there are over 6000 people regis-tered at MS and that when they get out they will find tremendous support at the MS website I can tell them about Weekends of Re-covery without disclosing that attending a WOR was one of the best things I have done with my life They will know that they are no longer alone And not once has anyone asked me directly about me If they did I could not reply which in a round about way is a reply But I cannot reply Why The institution that I work in can be as intolerant of differences and diver-sity as the inmates are of each other The whole notion of male abuse and assault simply does not exist It is not spoken of It will not be spoken of mdash until now
Because abuse is now spoken of I have been able to create a support network for inmates and for myself Itrsquos a small step but a step never-theless Itrsquos spoken of now at a level never before reached in terms of official support and direction Support has yet to be defined but I have a mandate now to do a better job for male survivors Itrsquos on paper Itrsquos my goal
Safety of all concerned has to remain first and foremost mdash safety for the inmate safety for me With inmates disclosing to me often for the first time I am struck by what happens next A huge can of worms is opened And for what There is little safety here little opportunity to follow up The court system tosses these men around like dice One day they are here the next they are God knows where Have I done something that perhaps I shouldnrsquot have Maybe
ment physical and sexual abuse sexual orientation confusion anger management substance abuse domestic violence self respect low self esteem boundaries mdash these and much more impact upon this man daily But hersquos making a start Itrsquos another chance We all need them
I would be remiss to not mention the support of my colleagues Some of them do know about me and they have been tremendously supportive and understanding They too share a belief that it is possible for men to become survivors I cannot imagine doing this work everyday without their ongoing support I love you guys
The resources I refer to are few the Menrsquos Project in Ottawa The Gate-house in Toronto as well as local sexual assault centres I discovered on my own road to recovery that our local sexual assault centre does in fact offer services to men but does not advertise this due to the fear of being inundated with refer-rals They simply are not equipped to handle what surely lies out in my community When the report of the Cornwall Inquiry comes out later this year it is my belief that it will force our government our society to re-examine how its treatment of boys and men is provided Hope-fully those who are like I was feeling alone fearful uncomfortable in their own skin will feel more enabled to come forward to shed that skin that was put on them by their abuser(s) and step out of the ordinary letting their souls ascend and become free
Vol 2 No 2
Page 34
A History of Male Survi-vor Services in Queacutebec
and First Nations Communities
By Caroline Benamza (dance and drama therapistpsychotherapist at CRIPHASE)
And by Benoicirct St Jean (Director of CRIPHASE)
Contact Tel +1-514-529-55-67 Email infocriphaseorg
Website wwwcriphaseorg
T he latest statistics in Queacutebec show that one out of every six men has been sexually
abused before the age of 18 but there are very few statistics regard-ing male survivors and this estima-tion is only based on reported abuse Most adult men or boys who are survivors go unnoticed because most of the services in Queacutebec are exclusively for women In 2008 the male population in Queacutebec was about 3800000 of which about 3000000 are above 20 years of age (from the Institut de la Statistique) Therefore we can estimate that in Queacutebec there are around 500000 male survivors actually visible within the different health care services justice system and police departments The num-ber is already frightening for a seemingly peaceful society like Queacutebec When it comes to Native American communities as many as 80 of boys have been sexually abused before the age of 18 This number is quite similar mdash but for different reasons mdash to the male population within the Federal or Provincial prisons
The reality of male survivors of sexual abuse in childhood has remained in the dark for years in Queacutebec and it is only in the last four years that the government has acknowledged the necessity of funding counseling services for male survivors Historically it can be explained The first services for survivors have been developed since the 1960s within the very strong Queacutebeacutecois feminist move-ments The women have built along the years a strong network of ser-vices for female vic-tims of sexual abuse and domestic vio-lence Today these services still exist as the CALACS (Centres dAide et de Lutte contre les Agressions agrave Caractegravere Sexuel = Sexual Assault Cen-tres) network for survivors of sexual abuse Due to a strong belief in pro-viding a safe haven for women survivors men were turned away from these services and had nowhere to go Only two survivorsrsquo centres in the Montreal area outside the CALACS network welcomed men but those men represent only 5 of clients
This situation became obvious when the CAVAC (Centre drsquoAide pour les Victime drsquoActes Criminels = Crime Victims Assistance Centres) started to provide counseling ser-
vices to victims of criminal acts who wished to press charges and go through a court procedure The first services in Queacutebec for male survivors therefore came from a strong need in the society In 1996 the CAVAC decided to fund an experimental program directed by Denis Reneacute to offer a support group for male survivors This program was named the PHASE Groups (Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = For Men Sexually Abused in Child-
hood) With the suc-cess of these first groups between 1996 and 1997 the CAVAC of Montreal tried to secure funding for the continuation of services Unfortu-nately the PHASE Groups suffered from the double status it carried within the government the Minister of Justice that was the main funder of the CAVAC refused to fund a counseling service supposedly to be funded by the Health Minister Later the Health Minister turned down the
funding because as part of CAVAC the program should have been funded by the Minister of Justice
So it was in 1997 that Denis Reneacute decided to secure the future of the PHASE Groups by registering them
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoWhen it comes to
Native American
communities as many
as 80 of boys have
been sexually abused
before the age of 18
This number is quite
similarmdashbut for different
reasonsmdashto the male
population within the
Federal or Provincial
prisonsrdquo
February 2009
Page 35
intimacy and sexuality issues) and PHASE Artistique (a 10 weeks art and movement therapy program) with a holistic approach to body and mind recovery
In 2008 the very first weekend of recovery (named PHASE Weekend) was created and CRIPHASE wishes to make the weekend an annual event In 2003 for the first time
CRIPHASE became a full member of the Table de Concertation en Agressions Sexuelles (a gathering of several organizations providing services to survivors in addition to representatives from the Justice the Health Minister and the police) This cooperation allows a better understanding of survivor issues and needs as well as a better coor-
within a non-profit organization that took the name CRIPHASE (Centre de Resources et drsquointervention Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = Resource and Intervention Centre for Men who have been Sexually Abused in Childhood) For 10 years the Groups have survived on pri-vate funding and have provided two recovery Groups called PHASE 1 and PHASE 2 Each PHASE is a 10-week program serving non-offending male survivors over 18 years of age and of all sexual orienta-tions With its first public funding in 2004 of $38000 a director was en-gaged by the board of administration and in 2008 the PSOC (a funding body within the agency of Health and Social Services) fi-nally secured the future of CRIPHASE with a first major funding rooting CRIPHASE in the circle of sexual abuse survivors centres
Since 2006 CRIPHASE has devel-oped a major politics of visibility through the media conferences and meetings with the different actors of the Queacutebeacutecois stage Three more programs have been developed within CRIPHASE PHASE Conjoint (for partners of male survivors) PHASE Sexo (a 10 weeks program of recovery focusing on
dination of services on the ground From within the Table CRIPHASE has been able to educate people on the issue of male survivors and participate or initiate projects such as the Information Guide for Sexual Assault Victims and the first pre-vention mobilization and aware-ness march for sexual abuse survi-vors in 2008 The presence of CRIPHASE at the Table has also
allowed the feminists within the CALACS to have a better under-standing of the suffer-ing of male survivors who are also victims in their own way of an old patriarchal system CRIPHASE was also finally incorporated in the CALACS coordina-tion groupmdashcalled Table des CALACS mdash in 2008
Until 2008 there were no services provided in English (Queacutebec is a French-speaking province where Eng-lish speakers are a minority) due to lack of funding to translate the PHASE 1 docu-ments and employ English-speaking therapists The project
to offer groups in English had been put aside for years but finally in 2008 the first groups of PHASE 1 and 2 opened for English speakers The PHASE Artistique and PHASE Weekend are now bilingual pro-grams
(Continued on page 36)
Phone calls received at CRIPHASE
male survivors
therapists
relatives and loved ones
other
The average male survivor using the services at CRIPHASE is aged between 35 and 55
Vol 2 No 2
Page 36
Male survivors in the Native American
communities Recovery programs within Native American communities are only starting Many Native American men were sexually abused as well as psychologically and emotionally abused when they were sent to boarding schools across the province for assimila-tion The effects of this traumatic experience (including historic trauma) can be seen in all First Nations of Queacutebec Algonquians Cris Innus Abenakis Innuits Micmacs and so forth Today there is a strong need of heal-ing for this lost gen-eration but traumatic experiences and con-sequences have been passed on to the next generations Unfortu-nately sexual abuse is one of these problems which need to be addressed through prevention and coun-seling in a way that will integrate Native American traditions and their holistic ap-proach to medicine Such programs already exist within some communi-ties Organizations like GRIPMA (Groupe de Recherches et dInter-ventions Psychosociales en Milieu Autochtone = Research and Inter-vention group in Aboriginal Com-munities) located in the Huron
History of Male Survivor Services (Continued from page 35)
community of Wendake (near Queacute-bec city) provide a clinical expertise in intervention within Native Ameri-can communities On the other side the Aboriginal Healing Foun-dation based in Ottawa is currently funding 16 recovery projects for the First Nations in Queacutebec ad-dressing sexual abuse addiction prevention of suicide boarding schools trauma etc until 2010
Last year the publication of the five-year funding plan on sexual abuse by the provincial govern-ment of Queacutebec has seen the recognition of male survivors as a population in great need of ser-vices It has also recognized the necessity of providing services to the First Nations communities
Things are changing in Queacutebec for male survivors Because CRIPHASE is the only organization providing support and counseling to men in Queacutebec who have been sexually abused in childhood there is great hope for an increase of funding this year The constant develop-ment of CRIPHASE and the increase in phone calls and numbers of guys within the services (in 2008-
2009 there will be seven groups of PHASE 1 in-stead of five the year before) also show that men in Queacutebec are get-ting the right information on sexual abuse and services and are being encouraged to look for help and engage in re-covery
If you are one of these men in Queacutebec we are waiting for your call Remember you are not alone
For the annual march event please visit wwwmarchevasca (Information for the May 2009 march will be on line from February 2009)
Quilt Square by a Native Child from Alberta From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 37
MaleSurvivor is men surviving sexual abuse in Canada we will start with Canadarsquos sad legacy of abuse of children by clergy
A Brief Incomplete Canadian History
In Canada our First Nations People have had to bear the legacy of abuse they endured in Canadarsquos notorious residential schools Cur-rent issues of addictions and family and mental health problems amongst our First Nations people can be traced back to the legacy of abuse experienced by Native chil-dren in residential schools
Around 1874 the federal government began working with the churches (Catholic Anglican United and Presbyte-rian) to set up the Residential School System as a means to suppress Native cul-ture and promote assimilation In gen-eral children between the ages of five and 16 were taken from their parents and sent to church-run residen-tial schools The extent of the abuse in these church-run schools has been referred to as the ldquoCanadian Holocaustrdquo Recently the Canadian Government formed the Truth and Reconciliation Commis-sion (TRC) as part of the court-approved Indian Residential Schools Settlement Agreement The
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious
Leader By Nancy N Mayer MSW RSW
Partner Crisci amp Mayer Consultation Counselling and
Training Toronto wwwckmconsultationcom
Introduction
L ikely all the readers of this newsletter have knowledge and expertise about men
being physically sexually and emotionally abused Research tells us that abusers can come from any
walk of life and most often are known to the child or adult In the last decade abuse by clergy has finally ldquocome out of the closetrdquo so to
speak thanks to those brave survi-vors who have made public their experiences of being abused by clergy More than ever survivor groups are encouraging victims to report these crimes to the police and to consider seeking civil re-dress for their injuries Many groups believe that change in churches will only come when they are held accountable for the abuse perpetrated by clergy
This article will attempt to address the distinctive issues that are com-mon to this population of survivors Because the focus of this issue of
purpose of the commission is not to determine guilt or innocence but to create an historical account of the residential schools help people to heal and encourage reconciliation between Aboriginal and non-aboriginal Canadians
The notorious Mount Cashel Or-phanage is another Canadian leg-acy of sexual abuse by clergy This facility was operated in Newfound-land by the Christian Brothers More than a dozen priests were convicted after decades of abusing young boys at the orphanage
Mount Cashel Or-phanage closed in 1989 just six months after allegations of sexual physical and emotional abuse were published by the media (For more in depth information see Harris Michael Unholy Orders Trag-edy at Mount Cashel Ontario Viking Press 1990)
Like the US there have been hundreds and perhaps thou-sands of cases of children and vulner-
able adults abused by clergy in every religious denomination Unlike the US our country is not bound as strictly by statutes of limitations so lawsuits can proceed more freely Our sentences for convicted clerical sex offenders are
(Continued on page 38)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Nancy N Mayer
ldquo[First Nations] children
between the ages of five
and 16 were taken from
their parents and sent to
church-run residential
schools The extent of
the abuse in these
church-run schools has
been referred to as the
lsquoCanadian Holocaustrsquoldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 38
nowhere near as severe as those of our American neighbours Most first offenders will not serve a day in jail The civil awards for personal inju-ries are also quite low Our court system promotes set-tling these cases out of court When a case fails to go to trial it is not part of the public re-cord The widespread use of confidentiality orders media fatigue and Canadian reserve means that it is impos-sible to obtain accurate statistics on how often men are abused by clergy or even the ex-tent of the problem in this country
The Authority of Rel igious Leaders Religious organizations have always played a central role in our so-cieties They provide moral ethical and spiritual guidance Reli-gious teachings have given us a context and meaning for our lives Most religious belief revolves around a divine power or God Religious leaders (ministers priests rabbis elders nuns) are thought to be Godrsquos earthly repre-sentatives and are treated with reverence and respect They have intimate involvement with families and children at such vulnerable times as an illness death or other family crises They may have access
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 37)
to confidential information by virtue of their roles of confessor or counsellor A child brought up by religious parents is taught to re-spect these men and women Oth-ers associated with churches mdash choir leaders teachers cantors youth group leaders mdash are also considered trustworthy by virtue of their close
association with their religious organizations Most parents en-courage their childrenrsquos participa-tion in church-based activities believing them to be safe and wholesome
These leaders are considered to be esteemed authorities and as repre-sentatives of God wield a great deal of power Depending on the faith group there may be teachings
that support an unquestioning adherence to their instructions and guidance This makes children and vulnerable adults particularly sus-ceptible to exploitation by this group because they have access opportunity and trust
Misuse of Power Perpetrators can utilize their positions of power and trust to gain access to their victims some-times for extended periods of uninterrupted time They may tell children that they are being asked to ldquoserve Godrdquo or that they or their families will be punished if they do not do as instructed Chil-dren may be threatened with eternal damnation or blamed for leading the religious leader into sin If the religion con-siders premarital sex or same sex contacts as sinful the guilt will be compounded
In most cases the victim will not disclose or may disclose but not be
believed A child will have a difficult time convincing adults that he or she has been victimized The vic-timrsquos family culture or communi-ties have been socialized to see their religious leaders as unques-tionably good and incapable of lies This can lead to others denying or minimizing the victimrsquos experience of abuse The victim is initially harmed by the abuser and then is revictimized by those who cannot
ldquoMay Hope be Passed through Every Handrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 39
institutionrsquos response and lack of compassion and pastoral care
The Impact on Spir ituality
The frequently used term ldquosoul murderrdquo aptly describes what hap-pens when the abuser is a religious leader When the response of the religious institu-tion to a disclosure of abuse is experienced as self-serving and uncaring the survivor will likely lose his faith in the religious community of which he has been a part To belong and to feel connected is a basic human need When abused by clergy the loss of connection and belonging to what may have been a spiritual anchor can be devastating
To compound the harm the abuse may have occurred in a religious building The abuser may have worn traditional cleri-cal attire or may have made religious or biblical refer-ences As a result being exposed to religious symbols music or any other reminder can trigger flashbacks and other uncomfortable physical symptoms
The cleric is often considered Godrsquos representative on earth This gives the cleric power that surpasses his position and status When abuse is at the hands of a minister nun
accept that their spiritual leaders are capable of abuse There are many stories of clergy abuse survi-vors being abandoned by their religious communities (who side with the cleric) and their families who cannot face leaving the church that has given their lives meaning and comfort The resultant feelings of betrayal and abandonment are profound
The Role of the Religious Inst itutions
When religious institutions hold themselves up as ethical compasses and arbitrators of right and wrong society has an expectation that church leaders will act in a fair and moral way Many US Commissions and Grand Juries and Canadian reports such as the Winter Com-mission Report (Archdiocese of St Johns Newfoundland Canada 1990) Child Abuse in Community Institutions and Organizations and Improving Public and Professional Understanding (prepared for the Law Commission of Canada) all record and explain the dynamics that have lead to the failure of religious institutions to protect our children
While it is well known that any institution mdash educational recrea-tional or spiritual mdash is not immune from having sex offenders in its midst the religious institutions have a particular legacy of protect-ing the institution through aggres-sive legal tactics versus truth telling and reconciliation Many victims state that they have been less wounded by the actual abuse and profoundly more damaged by the
priest rabbi minister or elder the recipient of the abuse may experi-ence profound guilt for ldquoparticipatingrdquo in ldquosinfulrdquo behaviour mdash a mistaken belief that he is respon-sible for the abuse or shame that
he has ldquosinnedrdquo He may believe he is deserving of rejection or eternal damnation If he confesses he risks exposing the cleric who has likely done what he could to trick the victim into believing that he must maintain silence and secrecy One survivor describes feeling that rdquoIt was like being abused by God him-self If even God couldnrsquot love me how could anyone else ever love merdquo
These factors alone can leave a man who has been abused by clergy unable to find comfort and solace in what used to be his spiritual beliefs and his church Without these familiar beliefs the survivor is aban-
doned and alone when he most needs support
The Role of Gender While woman are ordained in some denominations there is still an imbalance of power between men and women in many religious tradi-tions For boys and men abused by male clerics embarrassment and
(Continued on page 40)
ldquoThe frequently used
term lsquosoul murderrsquo aptly
describes what happens
when the abuser is a
religious leader When
the response of the
religious institution to a
disclosure of abuse is
experienced as self-
serving and uncaring
the survivor will likely
lose his faith in the
religious community of
which he has been
a partrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 40
concerns of how they will be per-ceived promote silence For the boy or man abused by a female cleric there may be worries that he will be labelled the seducer or pres-sured to consider this ldquorelationshiprdquo as non-abusive
The study conducted by the John Jay Col-lege of Criminal Jus-tice regarding The Nature and Scope of the Problem of Sexual Abuse of Minors by Priests and Deacons in the Catholic Church (Washington DC USCCB 2004) found some very disturbing information about the age and gender of victims The largest group of reported victims (509) was between the ages of 11 and 14 273 of victims were 15 to 17 16 were eight to 10 and nearly 6 were under age seven Overall 81 of vic-tims were male and 19 female Male victims tended to be older than female victims Over 40 of all victims were males between the ages of 11 and 14
The largest group of reported victims in this study consisted of boys who were entering puberty This is a tumultuous time in most
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 39)
young menrsquos lives To have this period of development disrupted can contribute to many mental health problems including lack of confidence disruption of emo-tional sexual and psycho-social development isolation sexual identity confusion depression anxiety and abuse of substances
In Summary The harm experienced by those
who are abused by clergy is profound and multifaceted Some therapists will not want to work with survivors of clergy abuse due to the complexity of their issues their limited knowledge of the subject area possible religious biases and potential for litigation Most (but certainly not all) survivors will have experienced revictimization by their churches or religious institutions This compounded by abuse by a religious leader in a position of power will under-standably lead to unique challenges Survivors will have
significant trust issues that can impede the forming of a trusting therapeutic relationship with a therapist who will also be in a position of power and may be an employee of an institution With transparency and skill on the part of the therapist and tenacity on the part of the survivor effective thera-
peutic partnership can be achieved While recovery is difficult it is possible
The irony is that many survivors of abuse by clergy have a strong sense of integrity morality and perseverance They learned the lessons that the ldquoreligiousrdquo offend-ers failed to learn At the core of their beings these clergy abuse survivors are the prophets who have come to speak the truth and reveal the abuse and the decep-tions It is this desire for social justice truth telling belonging and connection that will allow a healthy spiritual belief system to rise out of the ashes of what has happened It is this healthy spiritual belief that makes many clergy abuse survivors persistent and tenacious in seeking recovery and social justice They are making a difference and chang-ing the world as we know it
ldquoThe harm experienced
by those who are
abused by clergy is
profound and
multifaceted Some
therapists will not want
to work with survivors
of clergy abuse due to
the complexity of their
issues their limited
knowledge of the
subject area possible
religious biases and
potential for litigationldquo
February 2009
Page 41
tion of it earlier in the lsquo90s but 1997 is when there was a critical mass of mostly male survivors coming forward and taking action against Maple Leaf Gardens Your question specifically was ldquoDid it play a role in my choice of ca-reersrdquo
MS Yes
SJ Yes and no The Maple Leaf
Gardens cases were not my first sexual assault cases but my in-volvement in these cases solidified my interest and desire to help sur-vivors
MS Could you take a few minutes to explain to our readers just what the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal was and why it has played a central role in revealing the extent of sex-ual abuse at least in the Toronto area
of my clients will say something like ldquoYou know this is not about the money I donrsquot care how much I get this is about something elserdquo And whatever that person seeks mdash an apology or the empowerment of filing a lawsuit or a million other unique things mdash that is why I do this kind of work Itrsquos about helping people through whatever process they need in order to begin that healing process the moving forward process
MS And also to provide your clients with a sense of justice
SJ Absolutely Justice is really not about the money itrsquos about the knowledge that theyrsquove come forward theyrsquove done something and theyrsquove empowered themselves It takes a tre-mendous amount of courage to do that I am always in awe of my cli-ents for the amount of courage they have They are my inspiration
MS Many Americans are unaware of the so-called Maple Leaf Gar-dens sex scandal that began some-time in the 1960s but didnrsquot come to wide public attention until 1997 the year after you began practicing law Did this scandal have some affect on your choice of career
SJ Actually the scandal did come to prominence before 1997 There was scattered media atten-
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 1)
SJ Sure There was a series of men who were employed at Maple Leaf Gardens which was the home of the Toronto Maple Leafs mdash the hockey club mdash who over a period of a couple of decades sexually abused probably hundreds of chil-dren It started in the lsquo60s it went on we believe until the early lsquo80s There were two principal men in-volved but there were at least three
others who also were ac-cused In order to under-stand why the Maple Leaf Gardens sex scandals are as important as they are you have to understand that hockey in Toronto and hockey in Canada is almost a religion Hockey is to Canadians what the NFL or Major League Baseball is to Americans Every little boy dreams of about becoming the next Wayne Gretzky becoming the best hockey player he can be Maple Leaf Gar-dens was the home of one of the best loved and biggest hockey teams mdash the Toronto Maple Leafs The Gardens was the high
temple of hockey in Canada and still is In the lsquo60s lsquo70s and even the lsquo80s children mdash mostly boys mdash would go to Maple Leaf Gardens usually unaccompanied by their parents because back then nobody really thought that anything bad would happen to them at the Gar-dens The boys would go there ei-ther for practice games or to watch the Maple Leafs play or more likely they would go to watch To-
(Continued on page 42)
ldquoMaple Leaf Gardens in Memory of Martin Kruzerdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 42
ronto Marlies games The Marlies were the farm team for the Toronto Maple Leafs During these games and these practices the pedophiles who worked at the Gardenrsquos would often befriend these boys seeking out boys who were more vulner-able than others most likely and would sexually assault the boys sometimes off-property but most often within the Gardens itself They would use their position as employees of the Gardens to be able to say to the boys if you come with me Irsquoll get you a broken hockey stick or hockey puck or Irsquoll get you into better seats the next game or whatever other type of inducement would be necessary to get the boys to go with them into either a washroom or a training room or other private place where the boys would be sexually abused
In 1997 there were about 50 or 60 cases all joined to-gether and Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Entertainment Ltd wanted to settle all the cases prior to the Toronto Maple Leafs moving into a new hockey rink called the Air Canada Center so as to have a clean slate at the new rink By and large a lot of the litigation was fin-ished before the team moved into the Air Canada Center but not all of it In fact there are probably 17 or 19 cases going through the court
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 41)
system today more than 10 years after the original large group of plaintiffs went through the court and I believe that new people will continue to come forward when they are strong enough
MS I understand that one of the principal plaintiffs in the case Mar-tin Kruze had settled with the owners or the operators of the Ma-ple Leaf Gardens in 1995 and that he signed a confidentiality agree-ment not to reveal the settlement
or perhaps even the details of what had happened to him Do you think that the confidentiality agree-ment Mr Kruze agreed to slowed down or hindered the full exposure of this scandal
SJ I think that any confidentiality agreement blocks public access to knowledge and to understanding so I do suspect that Martinrsquos confi-dentiality agreement did have some impact on the scandal re-
maining hidden for as long as it did Absolutely yes I believe that confidentiality agreements are in-herently difficult for plaintiffs be-cause they create and continue a cycle of secrecy Sexual assault is a crime that is almost always carried out in secret and the guilt and shame it produces is key in helping pedophiles maintain their hold over their victims Putting a confidential-ity agreement on a settlement just perpetuates the guilt and the shame
MS Unfortunately Martin Kruzersquos principal perpetrator received a shockingly light sen-tence for all his actions and I understand that this led to Martin com-mitting suicide shortly afterwards
SJ I would think that the perpetratorrsquos sentence was a part of why Martin chose to end his life yes It hap-pened relatively shortly after the sentencing and I suspect that it weighed heavily on Martinrsquos decision
MS Do you think that the sen-tence that the perpetrator received was a reflection of the then current attitude towards pedophiles and sexual abuse
SJ The sentence that the perpe-trator received was a reflection on the way that the Canadian justice system deals with criminals regard-ing personal crimes absolutely It was a very low sentence in keep-
Imants Kruze visiting his sonrsquos memorial quilt square in the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 43
obtain here versus how much they can obtain in the United States In the United States there is no cap for pain and suffering awards whereas here in Canada there is a very small cap mdash about $325000 If a survivor of sexual assault goes through the court system and even if they have a very good day in court in terms of compensation yoursquore probably looking at an award for dam-ages somewhere be-tween $200000 and $500000 Sometimes itrsquos actually less than $200000 and very very rarely more than $500000 so in that sense we are defi-nitely behind But I donrsquot think itrsquos a question of waiting 10 years to see if we ldquocatch uprdquo I think itrsquos just a fundamental difference in how our court system works and whatrsquos available to survivors in terms of compensation
If you mean that Canada is 10 years behind in dealing with other aspects of sexual assault then you are probably correct in terms of media attention public awareness and outrage Sexual assault is still largely an unreported unprose-cuted crime But things are getting better every day and as more and more survivors come forward posi-tive changes will continue to hap-pen
MS As Irsquom sure you know therersquos periodic discussion about tort re-
ing with what was handed out at the time and to a large extent itrsquos still in keeping with what is handed out right now
MS Are you still representing or have you represented anyone who is a plaintiff in this scandal
SJ I was very much involved in the core group of Maple Leaf Gar-dens survivors that came forward in 1997 I was on what was called the plaintiffsrsquo committee back then which was a group of a few lawyers who brought the litigation forward I represented a number of plaintiffs in the original group that came forward I have also represented quite a few men throughout the last 10 years and currently repre-sent two men in the last group of plaintiffs to come forward I have also been approached by at least two other men who may decide to pursue litigation
MS Dale English mdash who has spo-ken to you at some length mdash has said to me that either you or he or both of you have felt that Canada is perhaps 10 or more years behind the US in dealing with the issues of sexual abuse and sexual assault Could you elaborate on that com-ment
SJ I think it depends on what you mean by dealing with the is-sues If you mean dealing with the issues in terms of bringing civil cases forward to a certain extent we are behind One of the funda-mental differences between the United States and Canada is the way that our tort systems operate and specifically the amount of compensation that tort victims can
form in the United States mainly aimed at capping punitive dam-ages Irsquom wondering whether there is the mirror of that in Canada mdash whether therersquos any movement to-wards tort reform that would allow greater awards to victims
SJ Well there is and there isnrsquot In Canada itrsquos very difficult if not
impossible to get pu-nitive damages espe-cially if therersquos a criminal conviction The punitive damages that are available in Canada are very low A typical punitive damage award would be $20000 or $25000 - usually not much more than that So damages are quite restricted here in any event In terms of tort reform I think there is a global push by in-surance companies to
try to limit compensation whether in the States or here The things that the American Association of Justice are fighting for down in the States are the same things that the Ontario Trial Lawyers Association are fighting for here mdash the continued ability to sue for compensation un-hampered by legislative roadblocks benefitting powerful institutional defendants to the detriment of those who have suffered Ours is a much smaller playing field and therefore less money is at stake In terms of plaintiffsrsquo lawyers wersquore trying to maximize the compensa-tion that we can get for our client Every time we go to court we try
(Continued on page 44)
ldquoIf you mean that
Canada is 10 years
behind in dealing with
other aspects of sexual
assault then you are
probably correct in
terms of media
attention public
awareness and outrageldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 44
to get a higher damage award so that that case will be a building block for future cases There are always attempts to try to circum-vent the cap on pain and suffering damages that we have Itrsquos not an easy thing to do the cap has been in place in Canada for 32 years now It was put in place in 1977 by the Supreme Court of Canada and itrsquos unlikely to be overturned any-time soon Even though from a purely theoretical legal analysis that cap does not apply to pain and suffering damages for victims of sexual assault and sexual abuse the reality is that judges still use that cap as a high water mark even though it doesnrsquot formally apply mdash it is still a de facto cap and to be honest with you it is almost impos-sible to get anywhere near that cap for compensation for pain and suf-fering A typical pain and suffering award in Canada for childhood sex-ual abuse is somewhere between $100000 and $200000 Anything on top of that would be associated economic loss or care costs
MS Itrsquos quite unfortunate that even though therersquos no real cap the law behaves as if there were one
SJ Yep I couldnrsquot agree with you more Itrsquos very unfortunate
MS I understand that in 2005 the government of Ontario convened whatrsquos known as the Cornwall Pub-lic Inquiry Was the Inquiry con-vened to address the issues of sex-ual abuse and sexual assault and
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 43)
the way the justice system is han-dling it
SJ Thatrsquos probably one of the reasons the Inquiry was convened Thatrsquos one of the hopes The In-quiry was convened because of what was going on in a little city east of Toronto mdash a series of allega-tions against very prominent mem-bers of that community involving the sexual abuse of children over a period of many many years The idea behind the Inquiry is to try to figure out what happened and to put in place some recommenda-tions that will not only stop some-thing like the abuse in Cornwall from happening again but will also try to help those who were affected by the events in the first place And to some extent I think some good will come of the Inquiry Hopefully the recommendations will be good for survivors of childhood sexual abuse or any kind of sexual assault The Submission phase of the In-quiry officially ended late February 2009
MS Did you have the opportunity to testify before the Inquiry
SJ I did not personally testify before the Inquiry Testimony was generally limited to the people ac-tually involved mdash police officers vic-tims what not I was involved in the Inquiry with regards to a panel discussionroundtable that they had regarding the use of confiden-tiality agreements
MS As you probably know Male-Survivor was first founded in the early 1980s by a group of thera-pists who were concerned about support for victims of childhood
sexual abuse and although Male-Survivor is still not a very large or-ganization it has increased its in-fluence significantly over the years and Irsquom wondering whether there is a similar non-profit or other group in Canada that also is dedi-cated to helping victims of child-hood sexual abuse
SJ There are some grass roots organizations that deal with victims of childhood sexual abuse or adult sexual assault I donrsquot believe there is as cohesive a unit as MaleSurvi-vor I may be wrong on that but there are smaller more community based organizations that assist sur-vivors That being said resources available to survivors are unfortu-nately pretty limited
MS Is that because there are too few therapists in that form of prac-tice
SJ I think itrsquos a mixture of many different things First of all Canada has a much smaller population base mdash 30 million people as com-pared to 300 million in the United States mdash so you have significantly fewer people affected and there-fore you have significantly fewer resources available to those people The services that we do have will often have very long waiting lists before people can access them There are some very very good counselors in Canada assisting sur-vivors but unfortunately the waiting lists are sometimes long and the availability for public funding to provide services free of charge is somewhat limited
MS Is there anything in your opinion about the Canadian health
February 2009
Page 45
system that contributes to the scar-city of services
SJ I donrsquot know if itrsquos the Cana-dian health system I think that in Canada we have a pretty good public health system in the sense that anybody who needs medical services can access those services free of charge The problem is that a lot of these services are not covered under our health system per se Many are covered under either private plans or pay as you go type services and itrsquos just a question of finding the people who can provide these services and being lucky enough to get them when they either donrsquot have a waiting list or other-wise having to wait until your name comes up on that waiting list
MS And that could takes years in some cases it seems
SJ My understanding is that those waiting lists can be quite long but there are very good peo-ple out there Itrsquos just a question of finding them and being able to afford them
MS Can you elaborate on other differences between the US and Canada that affect the way survi-vors and perpetrators are treated by the legal system and the media
SJ The differences between Can-ada and the US are really huge On the surface Americans and Canadi-ans look pretty much the same dress the same talk the same eat the same foods and by and large watch the same TV but culturally there is a huge difference in the way we look at the world in the
way our legal system works and the way that people interact with one another
Americans are much more litigious by na-ture I think this is due to the fact that in the United States mdash at least as seen from the outside mdash the rights of the individual are paramount In Can-ada less so Canada is much more commu-nity-oriented We of-tentimes think about how something is going to affect others instead of looking at what an individual might be entitled to I think that the high
damage awards available through the American legal system are beneficial in sexual abuse cases as is the lack of a cap on awards which we have
In some ways though our legal system is much better for my cli-ents than the US system would be because of the way that our actual process works One of the things that I know is very damaging to a lot of plaintiffs in the United States is the whole discovery process tak-
ing depositions Depositions can go on for a huge number of days and pretty much everybody in the per-sonrsquos life can be called to give a deposition That is very troubling and painful for people who donrsquot necessarily want others to know about their abuse or donrsquot want to involve their family Here in Canada depositions mdash or what we call the examination for discovery mdash are lim-ited to the actual named parties in the lawsuit The defendant and the plaintiff are examined for discovery or deposed if you will Anyone who is not an actual party to the litiga-tion can only be discovered under court orders and itrsquos very difficult to get those court orders so in that sense itrsquos a much quicker cleaner process and less intrusive on some-onersquos life So that is probably a good thing
The other really huge difference between the two systems which I think does in fact impact on why a lot of these cases settle as opposed to going to court and oftentimes settle for very different amounts of money than they would if they went to court is that in Canada we have a ldquoloser paysrdquo system If you go to court and you lose you have to pay at least a portion of the fees incurred by the other side Letrsquos say the defendantrsquos settlement offer is $100000 If the plaintiff does not accept that $100000 and at trial the plaintiff gets $99000 then the plaintiff has to pay the lawyerrsquos fees of the defendant because the award is less than the settlement offer That is very difficult That means that a lot of cases are set-tled for probably less money than
(Continued on page 46)
ldquoOn the surface
Americans and
Canadians look pretty
much the same hellip but
culturally there is a
huge difference in the
way we look at the
world in the way our
legal system works and
the way that people
interact with one
anotherldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 46
MS I join you in that hope Any-thing that can advance the cause of not only helping people but also helping prevent further abuses is always going to be welcome If you could set forth a vision of how you would like to see the law and the therapeutic community in Canada evolve to handle matters of child-
hood sexual abuse and sexual assault mdash if you could influence the reform of institu-tions what would your vision be
SJ Oh Richard Wow Well first and foremost I would love to raise public aware-ness of this issue for various reasons I think that increased public awareness will not necessarily reduce the instances of abuse but will help improve how abuse is dealt with when itrsquos ongoing and after-wards Itrsquos very im-portant that when a child is hurt that
child knows that he can go to peo-ple for help and support All too often if kids get up enough cour-age to tell someone the reaction they get is not very positive I think that with increased public aware-ness hopefully people will under-stand that there are ways to deal with this that will decrease the amount of harm so public aware-ness is paramount
I would like the legal system to raise compensation awards for sur-
turning point in bringing to the publicrsquos attention that the sexual assault of children can happen does happen and itrsquos a very diffi-cult thing for anyone to go through whether theyrsquore little boys or grown men that were abused as children It brought childhood sex-ual abuse out of the shadows to a certain extent The scandal still garners media attention as new survivors come forward but not the same as it did 10 years ago
MS Would you say that the lack of inves-tigative reporting is a cultural phenomenon or is it that the news-papers donrsquot feel they have that role
SJ Oh no Canadian newspapers do feel that they have a role in investigating things but for whatever rea-son sexual abuse of children has not been a priority The Cana-dian media really has not been at the forefront of this issue the way the media in the United States has been and I think that is tremen-dously disappointing The lack of media attention means that we arenrsquot fostering the awareness within the public that we need in order to provide real help and ser-vices for survivors We need the mediarsquos help to bring this horrific crime to light and to help stop it from happening
they would get if they went to court because that risk of going to court and not getting at least the amount of the original offer weighs heavily on everyone Our system is designed and geared toward avoid-ing trials which can be good be-cause nobody really wants to go through a trial but can be bad be-cause people become very intimi-dated by the prospect of losing or not getting as much as the settle-ment offer and being indebted to the defendant for a lot of money Thatrsquos a scary scary thing to go through
With regards to the media the US has a media that by and large has helped out a lot with sexual abuse cases The whole issue of clergy abuse really started with investiga-tive reporting by the Boston Globe right
MS Right
SJ They really took that issue and just ran with it Here in Canada we really havenrsquot had the same kind of investigative media cover-age as yoursquove had which is why events like the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal are not as huge as they are down in the States
Before Martin Kruze committed sui-cide the media was only somewhat interested in the Maple Leaf Gar-dens scandal Martin Kruze was a figure because he had sued the Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Com-plex But after he committed sui-cide the media was really galva-nized and that was probably a
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 45)
ldquoThe lack of media
attention means that we
arenrsquot fostering the
awareness within the
public that we need in
order to provide real
help and services for
survivors We need the
mediarsquos help to bring
this horrific crime to
light and to help stop it
from happeningrdquo
February 2009
Page 47
ments but it canrsquot at this stage really happen through the courts
I would want there to be an ability for institutions or perpetrators mdash de-fendants mdash to look beyond mere dollars and cents and look toward healing the person that they have hurt either directly or indirectly All too often in these cases we really become tied up in the legal minu-tiae of things as opposed to defen-dants saying ldquoOK letrsquos step back here and letrsquos try to helprdquo
I wish that there were a real under-standing that these cases are not car accident cases and they should
not be treated as car accident cases My clients are not people whorsquove broken a leg and therefore need X amount of dollars in order to pay for medical services or whatnot And unfortu-nately that doesnrsquot necessarily happen
In terms of the thera-peutic community I would love to see counseling and therapy ses-sions be paid for through the pub-lic purse so that people who re-quire the services of highly-skilled counselors and therapists and psy-chologists can access those services without having to pay for them A lot of clients just donrsquot have the economic means to pay for such services until after they get a set-tlement and that could take years It would be wonderful to see those kinds of services funded the same way as a trip to the emergency room or a trip to your family doc-tor for a cold is funded Irsquod love to
vivors The amount of damage that can be done as a result of child-hood abuse or in fact any kind of sexual assault is tremendous It affects almost every aspect of someonersquos life It becomes inter-generational because it affects the people around the survivor and compensation awards are still very much a pale reflection of what is needed in order to help these peo-ple I hope that at some point our judges and our legislature under-stand that need and can corre-spondingly give appropriate and reasonable damage awards so that people can start to rebuild their lives in a meaningful way
I would love there to be an opportunity within our civil system for more than just compensation At this stage the only thing that a civil judge can do is award monetary compensation There are a lot of creative things that you can do within a settlement that are not purely fi-nancial that can give a lot of sol-ace to someone who has been abused whether that be in the form of some non-financial healing whether it be in the form of a situation where somebody can con-front their abuser if thatrsquos what they wish to do in a safe setting or whether itrsquos the ability for that sur-vivor to do something outside of pure simple dollars and put for-ward some sort of healing plan that is as individual as they are That can happen through settle-
be able to see that I think that that would go a long way to helping people earlier rather than later
Ultimately I wish that this situation didnrsquot exist anymore and I would be put out of business frankly
MS Well I can certainly sympa-thize with the way you feel but it would seem that you have a career ahead of you dealing with this problem
SJ Unfortunately I think you are right I think that instances of child-hood sexual abuse are not neces-sarily going down I think that insti-tutions are getting a little bit better at putting in place policies and sometimes even following their own policies to stop pedophiles from entering those institutions and preying on people that those insti-tutions are theoretically set up to serve but I think that as long as the problem of childhood sexual abuse is with us I will be out there trying to help anybody that I can
MS Is there anything else yoursquod like to say to our readers
SJ I think that organizations such as MaleSurvivor are imperative in helping people understand that they are not alone that itrsquos not their fault and there are ways to get help So hats off to an organi-zation such as yours The clients I have who are involved in your or-ganization are very very well served so I have to thank you for being a resource
MS Thank you very much for your kind comments and for your time Simona
ldquoUltimately I wish that
this situation didnrsquot exist
anymore and I would be
put out of business
franklyrdquo
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-
February 2009
Page 9
One of our shining resources in Canada is the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness Headed by Ellen Campbell the CCAA has always been a strong advocate and sup-porter of men who have suffered sexual trauma It coordinated Mar-tinrsquos Hope which was a public forum supported by the Toronto Maple Leaf organization under the direction of General Manager and hockey great Ken Dryden Sadly Martin Kruze who blew the whistle on the Maple Leaf Gardens abuse scandal committed suicide but because of his courage many men found the strength to seek help
Like the United States Canada is a country of many cultures To understand where Canada is at in its response to the sex-ual abuse of males we have to be aware of different culturesrsquo take on the idea of ldquowhether or not males can be sexually abusedrdquo Strange question to all that will be reading this newsletter but I have talked to men of various cultures whose isolation is magnified by the cultural belief that ldquoit doesnrsquot happen to black men (unless theyrsquore gay)rdquo or ldquoit doesnrsquot happen in Indian culturerdquo What do you do when an experi-ence that doesnrsquot happen in your culture happens to you
On my office wall hangs a picture of a wolf hiding behind a tree It was drawn by a man who fought
the good fight and lost The feeling of being ldquoutterly alonerdquo over-whelmed him and his life was lost to suicide The stakes can be no higher There are few fights that are harder What keeps me going as a therapist as a man are the brave men who stay the course who push out the darkness finding strength in the company of other men who also fight to reclaim their livesrsquo potential
As a Canadian trauma therapist I am encouraged that our collective culture continues to move forward This past year our Prime Minister
apologized in the parliament of our country to our native peoples who were victimized by the residential school atrocities which mdash for many mdash included sex-ual abuse I have had the honour to work in our high Arctic with the Inuit There I have found a wonderful culture which wants to heal It didnrsquot begin so smoothly though for me Dur-ing my first visit there
while trying to start a menrsquos group the interpreter said to me ldquoItrsquos really offensive that you should come up here and talk to us about our traumardquo In the subsequent years of working together he and I have become friends
In the north and in the south I find the same troubling story Young men lost disconnected caught up in the world of drugs alcohol and
crime desperately searching for a sense of meaning and belonging Although not all have been sexually abused many have Our young men and men in general lack men-tors
In Canada we lack a coordinating organization mdash a rdquoCentre of Excel-lencerdquo mdash that would address the issues specific to traumatized men and could provide research leader-ship and treatment We didnrsquot start using seatbelts in Canada until the government said we had to I be-lieve the shame and embarrass-ment most traumatized men feel keeps many from seeking the help they need A Menrsquos Trauma Centre could say ldquoMen can be sexually abused Men can be traumatized If that has happened to you you can come here We can help You need to come here Things can and will get betterrdquo
As a country are we there yet We are not even close mdash no culture no country is But there are more and more men who are there who have fought the good fight and won They have opened their mouths spoken their truth challenged the status quo and blazed a trail for other traumatized men and boys to find and follow
I believe the tide in Canada is changing Doors of secrecy that have been forced open will not close again Our compassion for traumatized men continues to grow The future has some bright-ness around its edges that wasnrsquot there ten years ago
ldquoTo understand where
Canada is at in its
response to the sexual
abuse of males we have
to be aware of different
culturesrsquo take on the
idea of lsquowhether or not
males can be sexually
abusedrsquordquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 10
this was the case It was discovered that those in control of determin-ing what funding went to what had decided it was not cost effective to have a womenrsquos detox since so few women were over-drinking The committee decided to document the need since many felt that a womenrsquos detox was necessary
In the end the committee was able to document the need and a womenrsquos detox was funded in Windsor Ontario What had hap-pened Many women struggling with a substance abuse problem were hidden and misdiagnosed A similar situation exists with male survivors of childhood abuse This problem is hidden and often misdi-agnosed
The Greater Toronto Area where I cur-rently live is a city of over 55 million peo-ple If we believe the current stats and if we assume that roughly half the population are male and if perhaps one in six boys will have been abused by the age of 16 (and ac-cording to some
experts one in five boys is sexually abused) then there are possibly over 500000 men out there who have experienced childhood abuse in my little corner of the world To be fair we know that some chil-dren report and are heard and helped We also know that some seem to have been able to work it
A Dearth of Services in Canada
By Lynne MacDonnell
Private Practice in Toronto Area +1 (416) 996-4050
A report issued by the United Nations states that millions of children are exposed to
sexual violence each year It cuts across cultures income levels edu-cation levels No country is immune from it The four-year study that encompassed 130 countries was completed by Paulo Pinheiro an independent expert appointed by UN Secretary General Kofi Annan As many as 150 million girls and 73 million boys worldwide are subject to sexual violence each year usually by someone in their family circle said the report A 2002 Canadian study showed chil-dren made up 23 of the popula-tion but accounted for 61 of
sexual assault victimssup1
In spite of this recovery services for male survivors of childhood abuse seem to be limited An internet search for services in the Toronto area yields services for gay bi or transgendered men and a group for men against violence of women While these services are necessary and valuable what about the guys who need to deal with the sexual abuse they experienced as children rather than their sexual preference Apparently there is no lack of need since the above quoted report suggests that boys are just as likely
to be sexually abused as little girlssup2 One might argue that little boys are
even more likely to be abused since access to male children is more readily achieved Common sense suggests that one is more likely to leave their male children with coaches male babysitters male teachers ldquoUncle Ernierdquo and so forth than they would ever leave their young daughters This is in spite of the fact that the majority of the perpetrators ldquoreported as
malerdquosup3 It has often been suggested that incidents of sexual abuse of boys is under-reported
If the abuse of boys is under-reported the need for services may not be apparent As an example of this Irsquod like to tell you a short story In 1977-78 in Windsor On-tario my home town there was a detox centre But it was a male-only facil-ity In those days if a man was picked up for being drunk in a public place he was taken to the detox unless it was deter-mined that he was dangerously close to overdosing or had incurred some sort of an injury in which case he was taken to hospital In that same city a blue collar hard working town women who over-drank and were picked up drunk were taken to hospital if it was deemed that they were in physical trouble But if that was not the case women were taken to Jail At that time a com-mittee was struck to find out why
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoThose of us offering
services are not
connected and donrsquot
seem to know one
another except perhaps
for the few agencies
that do work with menrdquo
February 2009
Page 11
out But we also know that many try but cannot ldquoget over itrdquo much as they would like to Sadly we also know that some end up using addiction and or violence and end up in jail or treatment and never report the abuse (I wonder how many men who are in jail for vio-lent acts have been abused as boys mdash but that is another arti-cle) Some end up dead Where are all these men Are they suffering in silence
Free or close to free workshops for male survi-vors have been offered but few men come out Perhaps the adverts for such offerings are not read by these men or their partners Yet invariably when a man does finally access services he reports the difficulty he has had finding such services Is that too a lack of good PR It seems that the lack of information and the lack of coordinating ser-vices as well as the lack of the ability to document the need have all contributed to the situation we face Those of us offering services are not connected and donrsquot seem to know one another except per-haps for the few agencies that do work with men
In September of 2008 the Archdio-cese of Toronto gave the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness a small grant to help me partner with
others to offer groups for men This has been difficult to accom-plish Despite all the emails sent out only one person responded and unfortunately she is out of the area How does it happen How do those of us working in this field connect collaborate and use each other as referrals and consultants
It is a difficult situation
Originally when asked to write this article about the ser-vices in my area I waxed eloquent about how we are all protecting our little clinical kingdom reluc-tant to share information or lose clients But
upon reflection I wonder if that is true Could it be truer that others like me are busy doing what we do best mdash working with our clients mdash thus leaving less time for what we do not do best investigate and find others working with the same clientele Am I guilty of just that I wonder
The next obvious question is how How do we get out the word that ldquoyou are not the only onerdquo to a man who was abused in childhood As we are aware men often donrsquot get help until they end up in some sort of trouble with relationships addictions or recovering from depression or suicidal attempts Or Jail Sadly they donrsquot get help there except possibly for anger management
Perhaps we can speculate that as more information regarding male childhood abuse becomes avail-able more men will come forward but if they come forward we have to have a network of people to be there It is so difficult for a man to attempt to get help mdash even more difficult if he finds places he has reached out to turn him away because they donrsquot how to help him or where to send him
Irsquove attempted in my limited way to get the message out that men need to know that they are not alone that six out of 10 boys have been or will be abused by age 18 that healing is possible and healing is a private issue Men need not suffer in silence and can stop past abuse from damaging their lives just as MaleSurvivor has helped The trouble seems to be that those who read this are not those who need to read it Too many ques-tions and not enough answers
My only plan at this point is to send the link for this edition of the newsletter highlighting Canada to everyone I can find in the hopes that somehow we service providers can have a conference workshop meeting or whatever to find each other and start working on getting the message out that we are here and we know something about how to help
Endnotes
sup1 UN report reveals ldquoshockingrdquo levels of violence against children
sup2 See httpwwwjimhoppercommale-ab
sup3 This is a discussion for another occasion
ldquoThe Cycle Stoppedrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 12
My Journey to MaleSurvivor
By Rob Hawkings MA
I was asked a few weeks ago if I would write an article for the MaleSurvivor newsletter telling
the story of how I came to be in-volved in working with male survi-vors most recently as the newest member of the Weekends of Recov-ery leadership team My initial reaction was an enthusiastic ldquoNo problem great ideardquo And I do think it is a great idea I remember back to about 1989 when I attended mdash as a par-ticipant mdash my first therapeutic weekend for men who had ex-perienced childhood sexual abuse how difficult it was to trust anyone enough mdash par-ticularly male author-ity figures mdash to talk openly about my experience and feelings and how much easier it was after the leaders had modeled appropriate trust and self-disclosure I see this autobio-graphical article as an opportunity to begin to earn your trust
A few days later it hit me that what I had undertaken was not a one-to-one direct personal exchange or confined to a self-help setting or therapy group or retreat it was go-ing to be published on the Inter-net mdash for anyone to read mdash forever After 21 years of personal recovery
including almost 20 years as a counselor and psychotherapist I am quite comfortable disclosing my status as a survivor and whatever pieces of my story will be helpful in therapeutic settings mdash but this is different This is not contained Ah well as I have been told many times along my journey There are no accidents look for signs of syn-
chronicity and take advantage of opportunities for growth So here goes
Counseling and psychotherapy is a second career for me to which I aspired as a teenager a natural choice given that one of my child-hood roles as the eldest son in an alcoholic home was to be confi-dant and counselor to my suffering mother Looking back it is a very good thing I got diverted from that career path while at university Blind to my personal issues and
without the support and life experi-ence to handle my deeply buried emotions I would have made a terrible mdash and perhaps dangerous mdash therapist I am grateful that I did not revisit this career path until age 39 after I had begun a personal healing journey Up to that point I had managed to achieve an appar-ently successful life (at that time I
was in the corporate business world) but addictive behavior and underlying abuse-related issues had progressed to the point where I was unable to hold my house of cards together I realize now that the ensu-ing marital and pro-fessional melt-down was both unavoid-able and necessary in order for the healing to begin
The high quality of the self-help and
professional therapy I was blessed to experience in the early stages of my own recovery reawakened (on a much healthier footing this time) my passion to be doing that kind of work as a professional Organiz-ing self-help retreats led to training to be an addictions counselor serv-ing a year ldquoin the trenchesrdquo of front-line addictions treatment (invaluable experience) and then working half-time for two years as a therapist in hospital-based psy-chiatric day-treatment programs
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Journey Uncredited Photo
February 2009
Page 13
during which time I began a private practice The part-time private practice filled quickly (and became full-time after two years) with re-covering alcoholics and addicts adult children of alcoholics and increasingly adult survivors of sex-ual abuse
It was while I was working that first year in a menrsquos residential addic-tion treatment facility that men be-gan to disclose to me that they had been sexually abused as boys These emotionally charged disclo-sures were always one-on-one and curiously were occurring way more often with me than with other counselors on staff I say ldquocuriouslyrdquo because I was curious as to why this was happening It was only that same year in context of self-help support and professional help that I ldquoconnected the dotsrdquo between my own sex-ual abuse as a boy and the problems that had developed in my life I did not yet fully understand as I do now that with the highly sensitive ldquoradarrdquo that survivors seem to have these men were recognizing in me an empathetic kindred spirit who would somehow relate to their is-sues To learn to help these men (and to help myself) along a heal-ing path I began to seek out any and all training I could find on the subject
In those early years I learned mostly from women in the feminist movement who had been aware of the impact of sexual abuse for dec-ades and were far ahead of men in helping each other heal Much of what they knew and so generously shared was also useful in working with men There are however ma-jor differences and I was fortunate in connecting with some of the pioneers (Mike Lew among others) who were researching and articulat-ing those differences and how to address them in recovery Over succeeding years I continued to gain experience doing one-on-one
therapy with male survivors and in lead-ing and supervising group-based pro-grams for a succes-sion of Ontario agen-cies Along the way I have been honored to serve as clinical consultant for two treatment handbooks on working with men who have experi-enced childhood sex-ual abuse
A significant experi-ence professionally for me was leaving
my private practice for five years (2000-2005) to work full-time as a Program Development Specialist at Bellwood Health Services a 60-bed in-patient addictions treatment fa-cility in Toronto It was stimulating and rewarding to play lead roles in designing and implementing Can-adarsquos first residential treatment program for sexual addiction and Canadarsquos first truly concurrent
treatment program for soldiers and veterans with substance depend-ency and post-traumatic stress (I like the term ldquoOperational Stress Injuryrdquo adopted by the Canadian military which encompasses the whole spectrum of clinical and sub-clinical combat-related stress disor-ders not just psychiatrically diag-nosable PTSD)
At this point in my life and career (as of 2005) I and my second wife (I have been happily remarried now for close to ten years) have chosen to ldquosemi-retirerdquo to the small town of Deep River Ontario about a six-hour drive north of Toronto where I maintain a part-time private prac-tice providing counseling therapy training and consulting in two of the specialties I am known for re-covery for male survivors of child-hood sexual abuse and sexual ad-diction recovery I also ldquokeep my hand inrdquo in the field of combat-related post-traumatic stress treat-ment by working two days a week as an addictions counselor at a large nearby Canadian Forces Base (in Petawawa) which is sending units regularly to Afghanistan and where we are seeing growing num-bers of soldiers self-medicating their post-traumatic stress symp-toms with addictive behavior and substances
Deep River affords us a wonderfully quiet and gently paced lifestyle in a part of the country with beautiful natural surroundings and consis-tently and gloriously clean air but it poses some challenges This town is where I grew up and where the abuse happened There are ldquoghosts
(Continued on page 15)
ldquoIn those early years I
learned mostly from
women in the feminist
movement who had
been aware of the
impact of sexual abuse
for decades and were far
ahead of men in helping
each other healrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 14
My Weekend of Recovery
By Robert L
M y Weekend of Recovery was a phenomenal ex-perience Phenomenal
The more time that passes the more I realize how much of a posi-tive impact the WOR has had on me Since the WOR things have opened up and my recovery is accelerating
Given the positive experi-ence it is hard to believe that I was somewhat hesitant to attend While I was very excited when I first signed up months in advance some personal issues arose by the time the WOR came around and I seriously considered backing out Thankfully I did not
By way of background I have known about my abuse all my life No flashbacks for me it was always front and center I tried to deal with it as best as I could alone I first spoke about the abuse at age 19 telling my first real love interest about it Disclosing my past only to love interests became a pattern for me until I could no longer handle the pain and started individual therapy at age 31 (six years ago)
The individual therapy has been very helpful I have learned a lot
about myself particularly by ex-ploring areas that I did not even think were part of the equation The therapy also helped a lot of the pain go away
My biggest single problem remains relationships or the lack thereof In actuality I have never had a ldquorealrdquo relationship Instead I keep repeat-ing the same patterns of falling for girls who cannot be emotionally available to me who are often
survivors themselves and are often already in a relationship with an-other man Clearly I needed to add something to my individual ther-apy
Over the past six years I have considered group therapy but
could not find a suitable group A few months before the WOR my therapist gave me a copy of Mike Lewrsquos book Victims No Longer As I read the book I realized that I was a ldquotextbook caserdquo and thought that surely there must be a ldquotextbook solutionrdquo (that I obviously could not find over six years of individual therapy) Naiumlve or not I decided to search for a group once again My online search led me to
the MaleSurvivor website Imagine my pleasant surprise when I discov-ered that a WOR was coming to my city I signed up immediately
I was literally the first survivor to arrive at Mysthaven and was so anxious to ldquoget the show on the roadrdquo While wait-ing for the others to arrive I spent my time looking around trying to make myself feel at home It did not take long for that to happen As I entered the main room I was faced with dozens of t-shirts made by past WOR attendees and it moved me to tears I was surely in a place where I belonged
Eventually the others arrived and we began the opening ceremony It was so well thought out Actually everything was well thought out right from the opening to the closing ceremonies I noticed a lot
In the First Person
ldquoI Know I Am Not Shamefulrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 15
of nice little touches and appreci-ated all of them
After the opening ceremony we did a ldquosafetyrdquo exercise in which everyone had a chance to express his needs for a safe environment (for instance I cannot have people touch my neck) We all committed to abide by the safety rules This turned out to be one of the best parts of the WOR because at no time whatsoever did I feel judged or unsafe in any way I cannot recall ever being in such an atmosphere before
We went through a lot of activities and exercises over the weekend Some of these included small groups breathing exercises (grounding) telling our story ldquosculptingrdquo shame busting commu-nity building art and mindfulness walks
I liked the small groups the best I felt there was an excellent fit among the facilitators my fellow survivors and me I had ample opportunity to say what I wanted to say and welcomed all the feed-back After years of individual ther-apy it was great to finally connect with other male survivors in a group setting I learned from my fellow survivors and it also put my recovery into perspective
The shame busting exercise was also incredible It is one thing to talk about creating intimacy it is another to learn how to do it ac-
from the pastrdquo on every street cor-ner mdash and I am finding them a greater challenge than I antici-pated It has been much easier (surprisingly) and a hugely empow-ering victory for me to transform the house we now inhabit mdash where some of the abuse occurred in my childhood mdash into the safest and most comfortable home I have ever known Deep River is relatively iso-lated from the colleagues I have come to know and trust over many years and I take every opportunity to join them whenever and wher-ever I can for trainings and work-shops I am also learning to rely more on the telephone and the Internet to maintain my personal and professional circles of support My journey of growth and healing continues It is not without hurdles and challenges but at this stage it is filled with blessings not the least of which are my two children (now adults) and the relationships I now enjoy with them Life now is better than I could ever have imagined and I welcome the challenges
Which brings me to the present blessing and challenge namely joining the leadership team of the MaleSurvivor Weekends of Recov-ery I have many strong family and professional connections in the United States and I welcome this opportunity to work with a geo-graphically and culturally broader range of men and women who share my values principles and passion for recovery I look forward to meeting and working with some of you
My Journey (Continued from page 13)
tively After the movement exercise one of the facilitators told me that I ldquolooked beautiful out thererdquo I did not believe or understand that comment at the time but I think I do now and it still makes me cry to think of it The comment made me feel that someone saw the ldquorealrdquo me regardless of what I look
like on the outside It also made me realize that I had forgotten how to ldquoplayrdquo I really did feel like a playful child during the exer-cise and I cannot think of the last time that I experienced such a feeling
Since the WOR I have stepped up my recov-ery process I attend weekly groups and keep in regular con-
tact with a few fellow WOR partici-pants I have also bought many self-help books started journaling and increased my time on the MaleSur-vivor forums
I see a dramatic difference in my-self since the WOR I feel more positive and more at peace I can also talk more freely about the abuse and no longer feel shame The bottom line is that I have moved from being a victim to being a SURVIVOR
Words cannot express my gratitude to the WOR team and my fellow survivors I really appreciate the individual chats and felt that every-one was genuinely interested in my recovery Thank you I love you all
ldquoThe shame busting
exercise was also
incredible It is one
thing to talk about
creating intimacy it is
another to learn how to
do it activelyrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 16
high schools were resistant to al-lowing staff members to enter their school and provide educational programs Having a male on staff proved to be beneficial and the program grew rapidly Fortunately mdash and unfortunately mdash the media be-gan writing articles about me and the educational programs Once the Ministry folks became aware a man was on the payroll of the cen-tre my position was terminated I was told that funding was specifi-cally designed for women to pro-
vide services for women To the credit of the crisis centre they had me volun-teer for six months until they could se-cure funding from the local United Way They seemed less concerned about a man wanting to pro-vide services to peo-ple in need
History was being made We became the first sexual assault crisis centre in Canada to open a separate satellite office for a
menrsquos program This was not something celebrated by all crisis centres I was asked to advocate for men but to keep quiet at the same time The program became very successful and more and more male survivors were asking for ser-vices Unfortunately in 2002 the local United Way decided to reduce their support after having a trou-
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
The Circle of Compassion
By Tom Wilken
T hanks to Dale English of the MaleSurvivor newsletter for asking me to write an article
about my experiences working with male sexual abuse survivors in Can-ada As an advocate it seems like the journey of working with survi-vors has many societal obstacles but we are moving forward slowly but surely I often wonder why it is so challenging for Canadians to include male survivors into the circle of compas-sion
In 1991 I accepted a role with the local sexual assault crisis centre and attended one of their training programs On the first day the female facili-tator looked at me and said ldquoyou must be a brave manrdquo I had no idea what she was talking about at the time but I sure do now For the next eleven years I was employed in an adversarial political roller coaster ride that made advocating for men a daunting task Nevertheless I am very thankful for that opportunity I started as a part-time support worker counseling men My posi-tion evolved and included the role of an Education Co-Coordinator The crisis centre found the local
bling fund raising year Since the gender of the clientele was male the crisis centre was unable to top up funding and the male program was removed from the services of-fered by this crisis centre This may sound discriminatory and perhaps even a human rights issue because it is In Canada we pride ourselves in celebrating diversity but unfor-tunately that does not always in-clude the needs of male survivors
Something exciting happened in 2002 Health Canada asked me to update their ldquoAdult Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse - Overview Pa-perrdquo which was distributed throughout the country by the Na-tional Clearinghouse on Family Vio-lence Until that point in time the Overview Paper was predominately written about the concerns of fe-male survivors without any equality for the concerns of male survivors There was some resistance voiced by a crisis centre about a man writ-ing about both genders but Health Canada took a chance and re-quested I complete the Overview Paper that spoke to the similarities and differences regarding the re-covery process of both genders This paper was considered success-ful and a second printing was needed to meet the requests by Canadians This was so rewarding for me and it helped me to realize that there is hope for male survi-vors
Facilitating groups for male survi-vors was an exciting part of my role at the crisis centre Being with men who are being ldquorealrdquo and sup-
ldquoThe Canadian
government has known
for years that 37 of
sexual abuse survivors
under the age of 21 are
male however they do
not open their hearts for
male survivors and
welcome them into the
circle of compassionrdquo
February 2009
Page 17
ple as well The main difference was they responded to their woundedness in a different fashion It is estimated that on any given day there are over 100000 people on probation in the province of Ontario It is also estimated that up to 80 of these folks may have been sexually abused This equates
to 80000 sexual abuse survivors who are on probation most of whom are male We also know that 59 of people in prison are sexual abuse survivors Sadly probation officers are not trained in sexual abuse recovery issues It is interest-ing to note that I work with more male survivors as a Probation Offi-cer than when I worked at the crisis centre When people are not given healthy outlets for expressing their anger it can manifest in less desir-able ways
I started the ldquoWe Want to Knowrdquo project in 2003 which was partially sponsored by the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness and the now
porting one another throughout the healing process is truly a magi-cal experience The men receiving services were both grateful and angry They were grateful to be receiving services but angry these services were not available when they were younger They wondered why so many other male survivors
are not given the same opportunity to heal Seven men from group consented to having their healing journey documented during thirty weeks of group counseling Thus the book Rebuilding Your House of Self Respect Men Recovering from Childhood Sexual Abuse first edi-tion was in the works
In 2002 I accepted a position as a Probation Officer with the Ministry of Community Safety and Correc-tional Services After working with victims for over a decade I won-dered if the adjustment to working with offenders was possible It did-nrsquot take long to realize that people who offended were wounded peo-
closed Windsor Family Forum We were able to fulfill the dream of the seven courageous men from group by distributing copies of the RYHSR book to agencies throughout Can-ada
Millions of dollars are spent in Can-ada for sexual assault crisis centres and other programs for female sur-
vivors These valuable programs for women are underfunded but un-fortunately there are rarely any services specifically for men The Canadian government has known for years that 37 of sexual abuse survivors under the age of 21 are male however they do not open their hearts for male survivors and welcome them into the circle of compassion
In 2007 the Diocese of London Ontario provided funding for my business Hope amp Healing Associ-ates and the Silence to Hope (STH) project was born The Diocese in-creased their funding from $30000
(Continued on page 18)
A Circle of Compassion (uncredited photo)
Vol 2 No 2
Page 18
material to the Ministry of Commu-nity Safety and Correctional Ser-vices the Ministry of Children and Youth Services Victim Services the Ontario Provincial Police and other various other agencies Over 1500 free copies of the second edition of my book Rebuilding Your House of Self Respect Men Recovering in Group from Childhood Sexual Abuse are being distributed to sur-vivors and agencies working with male survivors Lynne MacDonell has received funding from the Arch-diocese of Toronto and is assisting male survivors in central Ontario Her Help amp Hope Project is similar
to the STH project
The STH project was fortunate to partner with Howard Fradkin of MaleSurvivor and his Weekend of Re-covery facilitation team who came to Canada in November 2008 This was quite a treat for Canadian male survivors The expertise of the Frad-kin team provided a
high-caliber experience not nor-mally available to Canadians The feedback from participants indi-cated these men felt truly blessed to be part of this experience In 2009 I hope to write a workbook for male survivors that will accom-pany the second edition of the RYHSR book Ellen Campbell and the CCAA plan to partner with the STH project and provide free cop-ies of this workbook as part of a joint education and awareness pro-gram I am presently updating a Directory of Services for Health
in 2007 to $60000 in 2008 to $75000 in 2009 Thanks to the generosity of the Diocese we are able to provide support groups information and referral services education and awareness pro-grams The Diocese not only wanted us to help males who were victimized by priests but any male survivors
In the early stages we recognized that our communities were not pro-viding a safe and supportive envi-ronment for men to step out of isolation Various agencies were con-tacting me and shared their frustra-tions about not hav-ing places to refer men who were sexu-ally abused as chil-dren It became pain-fully evident how un-educated Canadian service providers are on the needs of men and sexual abuse One of the main focuses of the STH project is our education and aware-ness program and group facilita-tion
As sad as the present situation is for male survivors we are making progress The STH project has part-nered with agencies throughout our area and two agencies from our bigger cities are providing group facilitation on a year round basis We are partnering with the Cana-dian Centre for Abuse Awareness (CCAA) and providing educational
Circle of Compassion (Continued from page 17)
Canada and the National Clearing-house on Family Violence called Combining Voices This directory lists all agencies throughout the Country that provide services to male and female survivors
ldquoCollective denialrdquo is strong throughout Canada but there is HOPE There seems to be an im-portant shift in thinking taking place Several years ago the topic of working with male survivors was not to be spoken about however people are now more receptive to exploring the needs of a much ne-glected portion of the population More men are requesting services and more group counseling oppor-tunities are presenting themselves It appears that more and more Ca-nadian agencies are starting to rec-ognize the importance of including male survivors into the circle of compassion Every time we have articles in the media more men seem to come out of isolation My biggest concerns include the lack of funding by the government If this topic is not talked about and if a safe and supportive environment for men is not created men will go back into silence and isolation This work seems to be driven from the ldquobottom uprdquo and not the ldquotop downrdquo We need good men and women to talk more openly about the needs of male survivors ldquoCollective denialrdquo thrives when good people keep silent Survivors are not living in total isolation they are fathers brothers husbands workers community members and they are valuable human beings
We are proud to join MaleSurvivor in making this world a better place
ldquorsquoCollective denialrsquo is
strong throughout
Canada but there is
HOPE There seems to
be an important shift in
thinking taking placerdquo
February 2009
Page 19
This Boyrsquos Life
By Jordan M
M y life began as any other a happy boy in a happy nuclear family It
was a time when my biggest worry was my brother threatening to tattle on me for sneaking a cookie up to bed I was young and the life I was living was exactly how it should have been carefree and devoid of the messy thoughts and situations which I would soon come to know all too well I was a boy and without trying to sound too clicheacuted I was innocent Pure
My parentsrsquo nasty divorce popped that bubble I loved my family more than anything and the di-vorce ripped us apart Mom and Dad were too busy fighting each other to notice anything that was happening with me or my siblings We were pushed aside used as bargaining tools I felt like a pawn Mom convincing us that Dad was a bad guy Dad convincing us that Mom was to blame Being the third child of five I was lost I withdrew and I stayed as far away from any sort of family situation as I could I didnrsquot know whom to trust
Time passed and things leveled and Mom married again but her taste in men had changed since Dad Her new husband seemed to hate children and he made sure that was known He was a violent man and my family and I paid the price I felt more lost than ever I was all alone in a hell that I was not prepared for Looking for some
kind of calm in this storm I started spending more time with Dad on his farm
Dad had met and moved in with another woman as well and unlike my new step-dad I liked her I thought that this could be my escape I could stay with Dad and be safe Go back to being a kid again Live that normal life I used to have
Not only did Dadrsquos new girlfriend move in so did her brother mdash my new step-uncle of sorts He was great The coolest guy Irsquod ever met We got along he played with me we watched mov-ies we went out we did everything He paid attention to me and I sud-denly felt less alone He was that person whom I could trust He was the man who would help me through all this crap at home He was the one that cared I didnrsquot just have a new step-uncle I had a new friend a new guardian someone who was there for me I latched on I bought his trick mdash hook line and sinker
The sexual abuse began and after the initial shock frankly I got used to it Although I hated it he as-sured me it was ok This is what should be happening between a 12 year old boy and 32 year old man who have a special relationship like
the one we did I believed him All I had to do was comply with his sexual desires and he would remain there for me I was willing to pay that price to keep this man in my life Somewhere in the back of my little mind I knew it was wrong but
I wouldnrsquot tell a soul It was our little secret our special relation-ship Nobody could know but us
It went on for years and for years I grew more and more dis-tant from people from myself and from the world I attempted a few times to get away but there was no where to go Either I live in an abusive hell with Mom or I cater to my step-unclersquos desires at my
Dadrsquos Which is the lesser evil
I went back and forth from house to house each time growing a little more resilient a little harder Time went on and I wasnrsquot that little boy anymore Age was on my side now and I wanted it to stop
Mom did get rid of the mistake she married after a while but soon found a new one and I promised myself that I would not stand for another day in this hell The first time this new guy laid a hand on me I gave Mom an ultimatum him or me She chose him I was gone
(Continued on page 20)
In the First Person
ldquoAlthough I hated [the
abuse] he assured me it
was ok This is what
should be happening
between a 12 year old
boy and 32 year old
man who have a special
relationship like the one
we did I believed himrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 20
been chasing me the whole time and it was catching up
The lure of the big city called me and I began spending nights and weekends in Toronto Attempting to end the emptiness I began searching for ways to fill it I got hooked on drugs became an ad-dict I became hard Mean Nothing could touch me Fear couldnrsquot stand in my way The worst had already happened I thought what I was feeling was freedom but free was the farthest thing from the truth I was trapped trapped in anger and guilt and shame
The deep desire to be taken care of continued to force its way to the surface and take on new extremes My cutting habit that I had devel-
I left home at 16 I figured that anything was better than staying where I was This was going to be a new start for me It was going to be different this time I promised myself that I would make it
I was wrong Again
Life on your own at 16 is not an easy one mdash new city no friends barely any money Schools wouldnrsquot accept me apartments wouldnrsquot let a kid occupy a unit I was alone I was really alone this time It took
time but I eventually managed a bit of a life for myself and was able to get through high school but it didnrsquot come easy My past had
This Boyrsquos Life (Continued from page 19)
oped as a young teen had ex-ploded and I began to brutally beat myself in hopes that somebody would notice maybe take me to hospital Take care of me It didnrsquot work It never worked There was only one thing that worked sex
Hustling made me feel powerful Men would pay to be with me Itrsquos all I felt I was good at seducing men And it was a power that I so badly thought I needed As bad as I was treated the glimpse of con-trol that I felt was enough to keep me going back But all I was doing was allowing myself to be abused
over and over again It just lead me further and further down
The years passed and I lost all feeling I forgot how to feel I knew
A Sliver of Light copy 2009 Timothy Andrew
February 2009
Page 21
only three emotions happiness sadness and anger And it was the anger that consumed me Anything could set me off I was a ticking time-bomb I began to wonder if any sort of normal life would ever happen for me
I was ready to give up to accept that this was what God had planned for me but somewhere inside that messed up 20 year old head of mine there was a sliver of light the same light that was there when I was a child the light that only had to worry about sneaking a cookie up to bed And I knew that that tiny glimpse of light was the real me If I could find a way to broaden its beam I would be able to peel back all the layers of abuse and discover who I really am
I searched I called crisis lines I went to free therapy sessions I attempted to try to understand why I was like I was but I kept hitting dead ends Nobody seemed to know how to help me me a male survivor
Nothing would last The little help I did receive all faded All I really got were programs and information and books and flyers Then I found Lynne MacDonells number I called her late one night She agreed to meet with me and quickly got me
into her mens group ldquoA Time for Menrdquo
The group literally saved my life For the first time I knew I wasnt alone There were other men who had been through what I had been through and they genuinely cared for me It has been over three years
now and it is still difficult Although I have put an end to the coping mecha-nisms mdash the drugs and the cutting mdash itrsquos the feelings that still manage to give me a struggle As survivors we have to sort out our insides Our guts Our feelings All that stuff was ripped out mixed up and thrown back in when we were abused We have to retrain our brains learn how to think how to feel how to trust how to love At times I feel like Irsquom an emotional infant as if my body kept
growing after my uncle abused me but my mind didnrsquot That was the main issue when I finally decided that I needed to be on the path of recovery So I focused and I began
I look forward to those two hours every Monday night because I know I can say and share anything I want and I will not be judged I am safe there I am safe to peel back those layers of abuse and discover the real me who I was really meant to be not this husk of
a human being that I had been living as for so many years
Since joining the group I have finished university got my degree I am free of drugs and self-harming I have a good job and a much healthier lifestyle and I have come out with my secret about sexual abuse
I am not ashamed of who I am anymore It is a long and tough uphill battle and it is still far from over but I know that I have plenty of people helping me fight this battle Our group is more that just a support group We are a family a brotherhood of survivors deter-mined to help each other and spread the word
It was hope That light the real memdashit was hope As survivors some-times all we have to go on is hope and that is why we need to remem-ber that there is ALWAYS hope There never needs to be a dead end That tiny sliver of light exists in all of us you just have to find it
ldquoAs survivors
sometimes all we have
to go on is hope and
that is why we need to
remember that there is
ALWAYS hope There
never needs to be a
dead end That tiny
sliver of light exists in
all of us you just have
to find itrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 22
My Story
by Bruce M
A s I start to write this article I find myself sitting in front of the house where I was
first sexually abused I donrsquot know why I am here but I am Perhaps it is my way of being in control which I certainly wasnrsquot for a very long time It was really not that long ago before I avoided this area of the city entirely mdash never mind sitting on the street in front of the home where I was sexually as-
saulted
I am now 42 years old and have a partner who supports me more than I could have ever asked for I am in love and
although I thought I loved others before now I really know what love is For many years I was so secretly dysfunctional that most people were under the impression that I had it all together but that was furthest from the truth I was a good actor
I grew up in a middle class suburb of Toronto I was the youngest of three kids I was diagnosed with ADD and was given Ritalin to ldquosettle me downrdquo I think that Ritalin was an easy out for my parents I needed more one on one interac-tion and understanding rather than a drug regimen which suited their
needs I clearly remember my pe-diatrician back then coaching my parents on what I needed mdash and many of his recommendations went ignored In their minds it seemed that all I needed was Ritalin
I had very few true friends Most people found my hyperactivity to be too much My mother was a practicing alcoholic (thankfully sober for about 28 years now) and my father was nothing short of physically abusive mdash mainly to my sister and me but also to my brother from what I understand My father had out-bursts of rage during which he would beat me with a dog leash and his fist Once he shoved my head down a toilet and told me that is where I belonged I donrsquot know if many people could appreciate how horrible it was to be told that As long as I live I will never for-get how I felt when he said that
When I was 12 years old I was enrolled in basketball That year I excelled and my team ended up winning the champion-ship This was a great confidence boost that I really needed I had finally found something that I was good at The second year was not so great My assistant basketball
coach was a sexual predator who saw a shy and troubled boy in me and decided that he would look after his own needs This guy was a medical doctor so he knew what he was doing and started what I now understand was a very intense grooming process He talked to me about my hyperactivity my motherrsquos alcoholism and my fatherrsquos abuse As I remember back he brought these things up often while he was getting to know me
After a period of time he invited me to his home one day on the pretence of my coming over to rake leaves Once there he invited me to his basement where he
Moving On
Bruce M
Bruce M during the time of his abuse
February 2009
Page 23
matum He said that if I would not come to his house we could no longer be friends I donrsquot know how I did it but I decided that I did not want to go to his house and that was the end of that I now know that he went on to find an-other victim
For nearly the next two decades I struggled with life To add insult to injury I knew that I was a gay male and after the abuse I figured that this was what a gay relation-ship was like and I didnrsquot want it I lacked direction with almost everything I did For a while I was practically homeless because I was staying with one friend after another putting myself in situations where I could be abused again and again I was con-stantly haunted with
guilt because I was sure that the man who abused me was abusing other boys
Finally one day I came forward and told the police about my abuse They charged this man and I quickly learned that this perpetra-tor was one of the nastiest that I have come across to this day He had deep pockets and fought ruthlessly I was followed by private investigators my friends were approached by private investigators
made it clear that his gentle kind supportive ways would have a cost to me I remember hating the experience This disgusting smelling man was more than repulsive Would you believe that I went back Well I did Most other vic-tims of sexual abuse will under-
stand why better than those who have not been there I wanted to be cared for and listened to so badly that for a while I just put up with the abuse This guy came to my school at lunch and let me drive his car around the back streets I was too young and imma-ture to realize that this was not a kind gesture but more grooming that would give him access to what he wanted Eventually he got an-noyed that I would avoid going to his house so he gave me an ulti-
for interviews and he hired some of Canadarsquos best attorneys to get him out of his charges When I went to court to testify at a prelimi-nary trial he had people there to threaten me in the halls of the court and the bathrooms The criminal case went on and on and eventually to the Supreme Court of Canada for a ruling about my con-sent All in all it has been a very intense process which went on so long that the case was thrown out because of delay He is still not out of hot water because the College of Physicians and Surgeons went after him and I had to testify at that hearing too which is still going on to this day
Last fall I completed my third Weekend of Recovery and al-though I have been in private ther-apy for close to four years and have been a part of a menrsquos group in Toronto nothing compares to the results that I achieved from attending the Weekends of Recov-ery The weekend program and the connections that I made with other guys and therapists have been instrumental in giving me a push forward allowing me to have some happiness and a meaningful rela-tionship which I was never able to have before
Life is not perfect but I can tell you that it is so much better than it was a few years ago and it is getting better all the time
Bruce M during the time of his abuse
Vol 2 No 2
Page 24
nor injury well that was his cue He took me into a medical room and closed the door He examined my knee and soon the subject changed That was the first time that I was sexually assaulted
Over the years this repulsive man be-came my coach in both hockey and baseball He was a central figure at the arena and the base-ball diamond He was the one involved in all the fundraisers and came to be known as ldquothe guy who would do any-thing for the kidsrdquo Most of the parents loved him mdash but not mine He drank with parents partied with them all while he ldquotook carerdquo of us kids
The first time I was abused at the arena I told someone older than I I did so again when I was 15 What was I to do Neither time did the adults take appropriate action and you guessed it everything was swept under the carpet So I did the only thing I knew how to do mdash I stuffed it
Growing up was a difficult time for me because of the abuse and the fact that I suffered with ADHD and anxiety (undiagnosed at the time) My sisters did well in school how-ever I didnrsquot I would work my tail off get a ldquoCrdquo and then would be told to work harder or asked if I
A Victim No More
by Glenn Allan
M y name is Glenn Allan and I grew up in Stoney Creek Ontario Canada
By all rights I should have been dead years ago I am a recovering alcoholic and cocaine addict and I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse I donrsquot want my story to become an ldquoabuse or addiction-aloguerdquo so I wonrsquot get into graphic details or talk about every abusive situation
Please keep an open mind as this is my story
I was wel-comed into a loving yet dysfunctional family in February of 1964 I have four sisters
nine nieces and nephews two great-nieces and one great-nephew My story begins around the age of seven I loved skating and playing hockey I was always told ldquoYoursquove gotta practice to get betterrdquo and so I did I would play as much ice and road hockey as I could and my sis-ters would take me public skating It was at public skating that my abuser first spotted me and as-saulted me I fell during one of those skating sessions and hurt my knee My abuser was a skating monitor that day and when I needed medical attention for a mi-
were dumb My frustrations grew mdash if only they knew that there was a hurting little boy inside But I was a boy who was too afraid to say that he hurt or to cry mdash because ldquobig boys donrsquot cryrdquo I would get teased at home about being stupid or
asked ldquoWhy donrsquot you try harderrdquo
I couldnrsquot defend my-self verbally with my parents because that would have been ldquotalking backrdquo There were times when I would be so angry at them for picking on me for little things and I would think to myself ldquoYou are yell-ing at me for this while he (the abuser) is doing that to merdquo
Talk about frustration and built up rage I was a walking volcano I would fight all the time whether it was at school playing hockey or baseball it really didnrsquot matter why mdash all I knew was I was MAD
Over the years I slowly lost my self-esteem and self-worth I wanted to be anybody but me I idolized ath-letes like Bobby Orr Bobby Clarke and Pete Rose because of their dedication and work ethic Being a class clown I loved comedians (Steve Martin Richard Pryor Robin Williams Johnny Carson) and the entertainer in me loved singers (Elvis) and wanted so badly to be them Then maybe people would like me because there was abso-lutely no way anyone could really
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Glenn Allan
ldquoMy frustrations grewmdash
if only they knew that
there was a hurting little
boy inside But I was a
boy who was too afraid
to say that he hurt or to
crymdashbecause lsquobig boys
donrsquot cryrsquordquo
February 2009
Page 25
like or love me with the things my abuser had made me do
Because of the trauma of being abused I wet the bed until I was about 12 years of age which drained any remaining self-worth or self-esteem that I had left I was so embarrassed And then I had to tolerate ridiculous comments from people saying things like ldquoYou know that you are going to have to stop thisrdquo and ldquoYou are getting too old for thisrdquo No kidding really Did they think that I liked waking up in my own urine Did they not think that I wanted to stop Did they have any idea how their words hurt me Man oh man it was like that all the time They just didnrsquot think before they spoke
Frustrated and over-whelmed in my teens I finally found the ldquofriendrdquo that I had been looking for mdash first name ldquoALrdquo last name ldquoCOHOLrdquo I would be-come a whole new person when I drank booze and how I drank I found a brand new confidence I was somewhat funny when I drank dur-ing the early years of drinking however over time I became de-pressed and extremely angry I would fight in bars on a regular basis Then in December of 1987 I was stabbed outside a bar and nearly died Now you would think that being stabbed and nearly dy-ing would prompt a lifestyle
change or at the very least cause me to take a personal inventory of my situation and myself But not me I wore it as a badge of honour allowing the insanity to continue
It is said that if the drugs and alco-hol donrsquot kill you the lifestyle will During this time and over the years I was introduced to many criminals Their crimes ranged from murder assaults extortion and drug dealing to running massage parlours and prostitution mdash to just name a few One of my acquaint-ances was even a hired killer He
actually assassinated two reputed crime bosses in Ontario and is now serving a lengthy sentence for those and other killings
But I was drawn to their so-called power and complete disregard for the law Looking back on it I guess I was looking to reclaim the power
that was stolen from me by my abuser
In my early twenties I got a job working with Young Offenders as a Correctional Officer With the money I was making I bought a very nice sports car dated pretty women was extremely materialistic and yet I was never satisfied I worked in corrections for about four years During that time I also began my career in the world of entertainment as a voice impres-sionist and stand-up comedian as well as a co-host of a comedy tele-
vision show I had a tremendous ego and unknowingly had be-come rdquoThe Great I Amrdquo
After a couple of years I moved from comedy to producing and host-ing my own sports television program which aired for ten years I had so much fun and I was able to meet and interview some of sportsrsquo big-gest names
In my mid-20s when the alcohol wasnrsquot medicating my pain any longer I turned to
something stronger mdash COCAINE During a span of approximately ten years the combination of alcohol cocaine and all my poor choices cost me most of my jobs many of my relationships and all my money It drove me to criminal activity po-lice charges a conviction and a criminal record But most of all I
(Continued on page 26)
Alone Uncredited Photo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 26
was lost Glenn was slowly dying inside me I became depressed and despondent and I hated so many people But most of all I hated my-self
I had attempted suicide on a few occasions and I really and truly had a death wish I hated myself so much that on Friday January 16 1998 loaded with a supply of co-caine and booze I booked myself into a hotel room with no intention of coming out alive Friday night and Saturday passed with me drinking and getting high on co-caine After having more cocaine delivered to me on Sunday after-noon there was no turning back mdash or so I thought Approximately at midnight on Sunday I made my final decision mdash it was time for me to leave this stinking world I ingested enough cocaine to kill me and then I barricaded my hotel door and ripped the phone out of the wall I lay down on the bed defeated broken sad guilt-ridden ashamed depressed and scared yet so ready to die
Only Divine Intervention mdash some sort of miracle mdash can explain what hap-pened next The police came into my hotel room at just the right time on Sunday night and took me to the hospital Who called them how did they know to come to my room I donrsquot know Well thatrsquos not completely true Today I am a man of faith and as a Christian I know exactly who orchestrated my rescue
A Victim No More (Continued from page 25)
After a brief stay in the hospital I chose to enter the Hamilton Menrsquos Withdrawal Management Centre where I spent eleven days From there I entered an intensive addic-tion treatment centre for a six-week stay followed by a five and one half month stay at a recovery house
I have been clean and sober since Janu-ary 19 1998
I work the program of recovery intensely I was blessed with some incredible therapists who were able to break through my trust issues my rough exterior and my wall of comedy to allow me to heal I also became involved in the 12-Steps and other support groups through which I have found tremendous friendships and men-toring
Recovery is about making changes Al-though my abuser assaulted me until I was 15 years old I blamed him for all of my problems until I was 33 years old I had to change from being a pro-fessional blamer and liar to a man of responsibility character and in-tegrity It wasnrsquot easy however after many tears and lots of hard work life has gotten much better
Over time and through applying these principles I found peace se-renity and forgiveness and I also
learned how to love myself again Everything that was set in motion to harm me as a young man is now what drives me With Godrsquos help today I am able to live humbly honestly open-minded and willing to do whatever it takes to stay clean and sober while doing what I can to help others who face similar
struggles
Today I serve the Ca-nadian Centre for Abuse Awareness as the Director of the Southwestern Ontario office My mission at hand is to create a task force that will be responsible for build-ing a residential pro-gram for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
I am also the Execu-tive Producer and Host of three popular television programs Good News Sports The Edge and Living Clean Living Clean is the only live weekly interactive television program in Canada
that is designed to assist individu-als who suffer with addiction abuse andor mental illnesses
I also host The Glenn Allan Show on a local radio station in Hamil-ton ON Canada
As a motivational speaker my pres-entation entitled Youth Yak Live has enabled me to speak to thou-sands of youth nationwide since 2000 Through Youth Yak Live I
ldquoRecovery is about
making changes
Although my abuser
assaulted me until I was
15 years old I blamed
him for all of my
problems until I was 33
years old I had to
change from being a
professional blamer and
liar to a man of
responsibility character
and integrity
February 2009
Page 27
Male Survivor Groups (MSG)
By Robert Beacuterubeacute Co-founder MSG
M ale Survivor Groups (MSG) was created by a group of male survivors
of childhood sexual abuse follow-ing the death of a fellow survi-vor in Lon-don Ontario Canada The initial objec-tives were to foster cama-raderie and support for one another and also to obtain proper help
for survivors in the London area
Presently our aim is to help all male survivors and also to make our cause known It is open to all male survivors of childhood ado-lescent and adult abuse We have expanded and have supported the creation of groups across Canada and we are prepared to support the creation of groups throughout the World
Groups have been established in London Vancouver Sudbury and North Bay in Canada
Our beliefs
1 Our groups are for male survi-vors of abuse What is said in the group remains there What is stated must remain confiden-
have developed tremendous work-ing relationships with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police Ontario Provincial Police Crime Stoppers local police agencies young of-fender facilities churches self-help groups and alcohol and drug treatment centres
I also facilitate a weekly peer sup-port group for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
There was a time when I thought I would never get married and that no one could love me for who I am Colleen and I met in 1999 We both have similar pasts We both have worked through our abuse issues and are both clean and so-ber In 2001 my best friend and I married and we now have three beautiful children Ashley Brandon and Christopher Spending the rest of my life with Colleen and our family is a dream come true
The opportunity of sharing Godrsquos gifts and blessings with others is truly an honour and a privilege It is imperative that I never take these things for granted
If I can assist you or someone dear to you please donrsquot hesitate to contact me at the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness Ph 905-594-1581 or email glennccfaacom or visit these websites
wwwabusehurtscom wwwlivingcleanca wwwglennallanca
or write to me co CCAA 38 King St East PO Box 66614 Stoney Creek ON L8G 5E5
(Continued from page 26)
tial Anonymity is of the utmost importance unless the survivor has gone public But intimate details of the public person must also remain confidential Confidentiality must be assured
2 We are in the group to heal and to support each other
3 We are male survivors who want to heal and help others in the process We can be as young as 16 or as old as old can be
4 Our primary purpose is our own safe being Secondary purposes are the betterment of services for male survivors and the advancement of our cause
5 We fight on so that we may grow in solidarity
6 We are not a religious group We do use different models of functioning in our different sub-groups Ours is a healing group for more than one prob-lematic issue
7 We encourage partnerships with organisations businesses and agencies that foster the creation of services for male survivors of abuse
We have created a Facebook Group which is also open to FRIENDS who support our cause Our group is establishing partnerships with other male survivor groups in Canada and worldwide You can contact us through the Facebook page or by emailing me at berube55yahooca
Support Groups
Robert Beacuterubeacute
Vol 2 No 2
Page 28
The CCAA By Ellen Campbell [ellenccfaacom]
Founder and Executive Director Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness
A s some of you know the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness (CCAA) is a
national non-government charitable organization dedicated to eliminat-ing child abuse through advocacy education public awareness and prevention programs With help from community and corporate partners the CCAA provides accessible support healing and indi-vidual empowerment for adult survivors their fami-lies and caregivers through over 20 programs Those that listen to classic rock station Q107 in the To-ronto region will recognize us as their charity of choice through Derringerrsquos Thir-teen Days of Christmas campaign
Based in Newmarket On-tario the CCAA is an active and vibrant organization that in addition to its variety of program offer-ings is also involved in public safety advocacy That advo-cacy started with the early release from prison of one of the perpetra-tors in the Maple Leaf Gardensrsquo child sex abuse scandal Many surviving victims were traumatized again this time by the system The
CCAA went public with its concerns that day and the public safety advocacy program was born
Later the CCAA wrote a sweeping report titled Martinrsquos Hope named in memory of Martin Kruze (the first victim to courageously go public with the story of his abuse at the Gardens and who later tragi-cally took his own life) that made 60 recommendations for legislative and policy change to the criminal justice system These recommenda-tions were gleaned from round-
table discussions with over 150 front-line criminal justice system professionals crime victims and survivors To this day members of the Kruze family sit on the CCAA Board of Directors
After the initial public release of the Martinrsquos Hope report in the fall of 2003 I knew that if repairs were to be made to the criminal justice system advocacy would have to be accelerated That advocacy began in earnest in early 2006 with the hiring of John Muise a volunteer with the CCAA and previously a Toronto police officer with signifi-cant experience in legislative and policy advocacy The hire coincided with new political winds blowing in Ottawa The CCAArsquos full-time public
safety program was born
Relationships already in existence were strength-ened new ones were made and the CCAA intensified its advocacy with politi-cians stakeholders and other decision makers In addition the CCAA courted media attention recogniz-ing the opportunity to get our message out
That advocacy included the preparation of written briefs in support of testi-mony before a number of decision making bodies including several appear-ances before the House of Commons Justice Commit-tee
ADVOCACY REWARDED The last three years have brought success on a number of fronts Progress on the criminal justice reform front is rarely if ever the result of one person or just one organization advocating for
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoMartinrsquos Hoperdquo in Memory of Martin Arnold Kruze From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 29
government Although there are specific circumstances under which the age of consent is 16 (or 18) the general age of consent remained at 14 For many in the child protection
world this has been a shame of what is otherwise a devel-oped and civilized land The fight is finally over with the passage and Royal Assent of this legisla-tion in July of 2008 This is a victory for the many people that fought the good fight and most importantly this law allows prose-cution of those adult predators who choose to sexually exploit 14
and 15 year old children
Review of federal corrections policy
In 2007 the federal government ordered an independent review of the federal corrections and parole system The CCAA attended the announcement of that review and subsequently appeared before the review team and provided detailed written recommendations for change The final report included a number of recommendations that the CCAA provided including those contained in Martinrsquos Hope A rollout of some report recommen-dations has already started includ-ing a pilot project for the use of electronic monitoring on serious and violent offenders who are on parole in communities
(Continued on page 30)
Dangerous offenders Having someone declared a dan-gerous offender is very difficult to do In fact there are fewer then 400 declared dangerous offenders in the country This amendment makes it easier to bring a dangerous offender application for a serious repeat con-victed offender before the court The end result should be we hope the detection and declaration of more dangerous offenders Dangerous offender designation is for life and results in indefinite lock-up of the offender with periodic judicial reviews
Community protection orders
Also known as ldquoSection 810rdquo orders they allow the state to monitor the activities of certain subjects mdash no longer under some form of sen-tence or other judicial release but still considered a danger mdash to be placed on a judicial order similar to a bail with control and monitoring conditions The legislation explicitly expands the controls that can be usedmdashfor example electronic moni-toringmdashand extends the length of the order from one year to two
Age of protection For longer than people care to remember advocates have fought to raise the general age of consent from 14 to 16 years of age Until recently those voices have been largely ignored by the federal
change but no one can deny the important roll played by the CCAA in advancing these reforms These are all original recommendations contained in the Martinrsquos Hope report The results as they say speak for themselves and include but are not limited to the follow-ing
Mandatory minimum sentences for Internet chi ld abuse offences
Over time courts have increasingly relied on so called ldquohouse arrestrdquo provisions (see section immediately below) when sentencing offenders found guilty of Internet child abuse and similar kinds of serious child exploitation offences The sen-tences were often way out of pro-portion to the gravity of the crimes Minimum sentences were legislated for a variety of crimes with the net effect of eliminating the ability of the court to impose ldquohouse arrestrdquo
Conditional sentences of imprisonment
Better known as ldquohouse arrestrdquo this measure brought in over a decade ago was being imposed by the courts for ever more serious of-fenders and offences Many violent and dangerous offenders were allowed to serve their term of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo at home Justice and public safety were compro-mised by this provision Although the Bill that finally passed was watered down significantly by opposition party demands the end result was a tightening of the cir-cumstances under which a sen-tence of this kind could be given
ldquoAfter the initial public
release of the Martinrsquos
Hope report in the fall
of 2003 I knew that if
repairs were to be made
to the criminal justice
system advocacy would
have to be acceleratedrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 30
munity committees and inquiries including the Federal Inquiry pre-sided over by Justice Major into the Air India bombing
Moving forward We are delighted to report that John Muise our Director of Public Safety has recently received a Governor-in-council appointment as a full-time member of the Na-tional Parole Board effective in May of 2009 Although this is a big loss
for the CCAA we are thrilled for John and we know that he will bring the same com-mitment to public safety in that position as he did with the CCAA We wish him the very best in this new and challenging role
Much progress has been made in the past three years with
more anticipated The federal gov-ernment has signaled its intention to finish the work it started and attempt a further repeal of condi-tional sentences of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo They have also said that they in-tend on amending certain aspects of parole legislation and moving on tightening up security (including drug interdiction) in federal prisons
As we kick off 2009 the CCAA has the following priorities
Enhanced training for law enforcement off icers involved in chi ld abuse
investigations The introduction of provincial ldquosafe havenrdquo legislation that would pro-
vide a distressed mother who has given birth (within 72 hours) to take her baby to a place of safety (for example fire station police station hospital emergency) no questions asked and drop the baby off The purpose is to avoid the unthinkable mdash dumpster aban-donment murder at birth This legislation exists in all 50 of the United States but has yet to to be introduced in this country
Parole reform In addition the CCAA will work with partners on two parole and corrections recommendations They include legislating breach of parole as an offence for which a police officer has a power of arrest Com-plimentary to this the replacement of statutory release (automatic release after serving two thirds of a sentence) with regular earned parole Both recommendations were included in the final report of the Corrections Review Team and had been provided with others by the CCAA
We at the CCAA believe that much has been done on the criminal justice reform and public awareness front We are grateful for the pro-gress thus far and proud of the part we have played in moving the public safety agenda along
There is still much work to be done and the CCAA will step up to carry on this most important work
Selection of judges In recognition of the importance of the justice selection process the federal government has recently expanded the scope of people selected to sit on the regional Judicial Advisory Committees tasked with vetting potential ap-pointments and providing recom-mendations to the federal Attorney General and Minister of Justice for final selection Although still dominated by judges and lawyers a wider variety of voices and minds is now part of the selection proc-ess This is welcome news I am one of those voices I sit on one of the regional committees itrsquos an appointment we can all be proud of
Gun crime and other victim focused matters
Although outside the specific man-date of the CCAA (and not included in the Martinrsquos Hope report) in recognition of the impact on com-munities and particularly at risk children and youth the CCAA also appeared before the House of Commons Committee in support of mandatory minimum sentences for serious gun crimes and for amend-ments that tighten up the bail system for those charged with serious gun-related offences
In addition several crime victim supportive briefs were prepared for a number of safe school and com-
The CCAA (Continued from page 29)
ldquoWe at the CCAA hellip are
grateful for the progress
thus far and proud of
the part we have played
in moving the public
safety agenda alongrdquo
February 2009
Page 31
higher than its current statistical significance would suggest I would suggest itrsquos about one in four of the men I deal with 25 compared to the 16 suggested in the cur-rent literature If you allow for the fact that many of the men I work with have come from dysfunctional families that have been dysfunc-tional for generations the higher rate of incidence will hardly be surprising
I really had no idea when I started this job that I would have a head-
on collision with CSA No idea at all I was in my pre-survivor life My own past experi-ences were like a dormant volcano Sure some smoke would puff out every now and then for no readily apparent rea-son but no major eruption But as I heard more and more stories told by men in their own abyss of despair and self loath-ing things started to bubble within me
I remember the first man who disclosed to me He did not really intend to He started to tell part of a story and I just knew I just knew What he did say was part of an institutional abuse situa-tion that gained public awareness in the media After that story broke many men came forward as well to tell their story of how they too were abused as boys in a school
Inside
By Geeders (Jim)
W hen I was first asked to write about my experi-ences working in a jail I
wasnrsquot really sure what I could say about it Can I say this or should I say that Was it going to be really negative or show promise of better days ahead And what about me mdashthe new me mdash dealing with issues of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) at the same time as the men I see and work with How the hell was (or is) that going to work Well it is a work in progress after all and one that seems to evolve as I change and as I become more comfortable with my own sense of a new self
Let me begin by saying that there is nothing in this article that would meet the rigours of clinical dissection Equally important I do not work with sexual offenders What I am going to say is purely my experience based on personal observation No scientific analysis can be attributed to it apart from what we already know or suspect One in six men will have been sexually assaulted or abused by the time they are 18 It has long been opined that the number of abused men is actually
setting that was really a cover for juveniles in trouble with the law
The inmate I was working with did not come forward at that time He couldnrsquot His disclosure to me was the first time he had ever said anything about his abuse No one else knew mdash no one He was alone His pain was palpable and obvious His shame and guilt were profound Never had he admitted to himself what had happened in that school let alone admitted to a total stranger until that very moment I listened to his pain tried to console him just let him cry Eventually over the course of a couple of interviews it became obvious to me why he was in jail Any self-esteem that he had as a boy or young man was destroyed by his abuse His very essence was rewritten by the men who had abused him Teens get into trouble but they can also learn to later stay out of it by fol-lowing the teachings of those they trust But for this young man his ability to trust was destroyed by the very people who were sup-posed to care for him nurture him and dare I say it love him appro-priately What was even more tragic is that this man came from a cul-ture that has low tolerance for anything that even remotely resem-bles homosexuality
Being abused sent this man on a downward spiral that ultimately turned him into a drug addict by his own admission a junkie who hated himself for what ldquohe had
(Continued on page 32)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoOver the course of
several related careers I
have seen a lot of good
being done Irsquove also
seen a lot of ugliness
that even by todayrsquos
standards defies the
most common
sensibilities we have as
human beingsldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 32
donerdquo His shame and guilt and culture prevented him saying any-thing about what happened It cut him off from any legal action that might take place and removed any sort of financial compensation that he might gain as a result of his abuse It eventually cut him off from his own family because his drug abuse prevented him from working and supporting his wife and family It destroyed his ability to be a good dad and husband A few years later I saw him back in jail again
When I did encounter him again it was with an in-creased sense of awareness within me Every time a man disclosed to me that he had been sexually abused or assaulted I started to die inside A little piece of me just died every time a man said to me what I could not say to myself or anyone else That dormant volcano started to fume a bit more regularly
Over the course of several related careers I have seen a lot of good being done Irsquove also seen a lot of ugliness that even by todayrsquos standards defies the most common sensibilities we have as human beings It exists Itrsquos around every corner if we choose to look at it Along with the ugly we have the good We have people who are willing to take a stand and come forward to say to the world ldquoWe
Inside (Continued from page 31)
have a problem here itrsquos not going to go away and it needs to be fixedrdquo I had the good fortune to meet many of these people last year at a conference on male sex-ual victimization By then I had been able to learn from the men that I serve that perhaps I too could learn to tell someone Could I be a survivor too
Men in jail are there for a reason Whether itrsquos to protect society while they await trial or from
themselves or while sentenced they are here Whether I think they should be here is irrelevant They are usually at the end of their ropes Their lives are upside down and in turmoil They are frequently in withdrawal from illicit drug use They are in the bottom of a pit from which there does not appear to be an escape or refuge They are desperate and will act desperately
if needed They are angry and no longer have any control over their lives Someone has taken that control away from them They have no choice but to comply Failure to comply results in loss of privileges which can include being prohibited from contact with those they love the most Forced co-habitation with other men can evoke strong memories of prior abuse which they cannot deal with let alone understand It can be isolation
They are alone and cannot speak about their issues for fear of being discovered and further stigmatized and trau-matized by a peer group that cannot tolerate differences or diversity
I have been fortunate in that for some reason men trust me and feel safe and able to disclose And when they do you can see the relief on their faces They are scared for sure but it has always seemed to be a relief I have to ask them I have no choice because itrsquos part of my job But now as a survivor myself I can tell them they are not alone I cannot tell them about me but I can tell them they are not alone that they
are among the approximately one in six men who are assaulted or abused when they are boys or young men I can tell them about the few resources we have avail-able for men which are a 100 improvement compared to what they had when they first walked into my office I tell them about MaleSurvivor and have MS posters up in my office I can tell them that
ldquoTougher than lsquoNamrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 33
Maybe not I prefer to think that I have shown them that there is hope There is life in being a survi-vor they donrsquot have to be held hostage any longer by a secret that was put upon them by an abuser I prefer to think that I have been able to show them that they do not have to be ashamed for being male When I speak with them Irsquom a straight shooter I calls rsquoem as I sees lsquoem I use words they can understand mdash street language mdash which helps them understand their bodies and to understand that Mother Nature made them to be reactive and responsive I tell them that simply because their bodies reacted that their bodies re-sponded while being abused did not make the abuse their fault It takes a while to get there at times But the relief when the penny drops and they realize that they themselves were in no way respon-sible for the abuse is quite remark-able
Just this week Irsquove been working with a man who actually smiled when he came into my office He said ldquoI finally get it It wasnrsquot my faultrdquo He then went on to tell me that immediately prior to his at-tending in my office he had just disclosed to his sister while on the phone in his jail area surrounded by other inmates While it was perhaps not the safest venue for a disclosure he made his own deci-sion He said he was taking control As a 35 year old this man has not been in control since he was first abused at age seven Subsequent abuse only reinforced for him that he was an object a thing not worth anything Relationship after relationship failed him as he con-tinued to relive issues of abandon-
there are over 6000 people regis-tered at MS and that when they get out they will find tremendous support at the MS website I can tell them about Weekends of Re-covery without disclosing that attending a WOR was one of the best things I have done with my life They will know that they are no longer alone And not once has anyone asked me directly about me If they did I could not reply which in a round about way is a reply But I cannot reply Why The institution that I work in can be as intolerant of differences and diver-sity as the inmates are of each other The whole notion of male abuse and assault simply does not exist It is not spoken of It will not be spoken of mdash until now
Because abuse is now spoken of I have been able to create a support network for inmates and for myself Itrsquos a small step but a step never-theless Itrsquos spoken of now at a level never before reached in terms of official support and direction Support has yet to be defined but I have a mandate now to do a better job for male survivors Itrsquos on paper Itrsquos my goal
Safety of all concerned has to remain first and foremost mdash safety for the inmate safety for me With inmates disclosing to me often for the first time I am struck by what happens next A huge can of worms is opened And for what There is little safety here little opportunity to follow up The court system tosses these men around like dice One day they are here the next they are God knows where Have I done something that perhaps I shouldnrsquot have Maybe
ment physical and sexual abuse sexual orientation confusion anger management substance abuse domestic violence self respect low self esteem boundaries mdash these and much more impact upon this man daily But hersquos making a start Itrsquos another chance We all need them
I would be remiss to not mention the support of my colleagues Some of them do know about me and they have been tremendously supportive and understanding They too share a belief that it is possible for men to become survivors I cannot imagine doing this work everyday without their ongoing support I love you guys
The resources I refer to are few the Menrsquos Project in Ottawa The Gate-house in Toronto as well as local sexual assault centres I discovered on my own road to recovery that our local sexual assault centre does in fact offer services to men but does not advertise this due to the fear of being inundated with refer-rals They simply are not equipped to handle what surely lies out in my community When the report of the Cornwall Inquiry comes out later this year it is my belief that it will force our government our society to re-examine how its treatment of boys and men is provided Hope-fully those who are like I was feeling alone fearful uncomfortable in their own skin will feel more enabled to come forward to shed that skin that was put on them by their abuser(s) and step out of the ordinary letting their souls ascend and become free
Vol 2 No 2
Page 34
A History of Male Survi-vor Services in Queacutebec
and First Nations Communities
By Caroline Benamza (dance and drama therapistpsychotherapist at CRIPHASE)
And by Benoicirct St Jean (Director of CRIPHASE)
Contact Tel +1-514-529-55-67 Email infocriphaseorg
Website wwwcriphaseorg
T he latest statistics in Queacutebec show that one out of every six men has been sexually
abused before the age of 18 but there are very few statistics regard-ing male survivors and this estima-tion is only based on reported abuse Most adult men or boys who are survivors go unnoticed because most of the services in Queacutebec are exclusively for women In 2008 the male population in Queacutebec was about 3800000 of which about 3000000 are above 20 years of age (from the Institut de la Statistique) Therefore we can estimate that in Queacutebec there are around 500000 male survivors actually visible within the different health care services justice system and police departments The num-ber is already frightening for a seemingly peaceful society like Queacutebec When it comes to Native American communities as many as 80 of boys have been sexually abused before the age of 18 This number is quite similar mdash but for different reasons mdash to the male population within the Federal or Provincial prisons
The reality of male survivors of sexual abuse in childhood has remained in the dark for years in Queacutebec and it is only in the last four years that the government has acknowledged the necessity of funding counseling services for male survivors Historically it can be explained The first services for survivors have been developed since the 1960s within the very strong Queacutebeacutecois feminist move-ments The women have built along the years a strong network of ser-vices for female vic-tims of sexual abuse and domestic vio-lence Today these services still exist as the CALACS (Centres dAide et de Lutte contre les Agressions agrave Caractegravere Sexuel = Sexual Assault Cen-tres) network for survivors of sexual abuse Due to a strong belief in pro-viding a safe haven for women survivors men were turned away from these services and had nowhere to go Only two survivorsrsquo centres in the Montreal area outside the CALACS network welcomed men but those men represent only 5 of clients
This situation became obvious when the CAVAC (Centre drsquoAide pour les Victime drsquoActes Criminels = Crime Victims Assistance Centres) started to provide counseling ser-
vices to victims of criminal acts who wished to press charges and go through a court procedure The first services in Queacutebec for male survivors therefore came from a strong need in the society In 1996 the CAVAC decided to fund an experimental program directed by Denis Reneacute to offer a support group for male survivors This program was named the PHASE Groups (Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = For Men Sexually Abused in Child-
hood) With the suc-cess of these first groups between 1996 and 1997 the CAVAC of Montreal tried to secure funding for the continuation of services Unfortu-nately the PHASE Groups suffered from the double status it carried within the government the Minister of Justice that was the main funder of the CAVAC refused to fund a counseling service supposedly to be funded by the Health Minister Later the Health Minister turned down the
funding because as part of CAVAC the program should have been funded by the Minister of Justice
So it was in 1997 that Denis Reneacute decided to secure the future of the PHASE Groups by registering them
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoWhen it comes to
Native American
communities as many
as 80 of boys have
been sexually abused
before the age of 18
This number is quite
similarmdashbut for different
reasonsmdashto the male
population within the
Federal or Provincial
prisonsrdquo
February 2009
Page 35
intimacy and sexuality issues) and PHASE Artistique (a 10 weeks art and movement therapy program) with a holistic approach to body and mind recovery
In 2008 the very first weekend of recovery (named PHASE Weekend) was created and CRIPHASE wishes to make the weekend an annual event In 2003 for the first time
CRIPHASE became a full member of the Table de Concertation en Agressions Sexuelles (a gathering of several organizations providing services to survivors in addition to representatives from the Justice the Health Minister and the police) This cooperation allows a better understanding of survivor issues and needs as well as a better coor-
within a non-profit organization that took the name CRIPHASE (Centre de Resources et drsquointervention Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = Resource and Intervention Centre for Men who have been Sexually Abused in Childhood) For 10 years the Groups have survived on pri-vate funding and have provided two recovery Groups called PHASE 1 and PHASE 2 Each PHASE is a 10-week program serving non-offending male survivors over 18 years of age and of all sexual orienta-tions With its first public funding in 2004 of $38000 a director was en-gaged by the board of administration and in 2008 the PSOC (a funding body within the agency of Health and Social Services) fi-nally secured the future of CRIPHASE with a first major funding rooting CRIPHASE in the circle of sexual abuse survivors centres
Since 2006 CRIPHASE has devel-oped a major politics of visibility through the media conferences and meetings with the different actors of the Queacutebeacutecois stage Three more programs have been developed within CRIPHASE PHASE Conjoint (for partners of male survivors) PHASE Sexo (a 10 weeks program of recovery focusing on
dination of services on the ground From within the Table CRIPHASE has been able to educate people on the issue of male survivors and participate or initiate projects such as the Information Guide for Sexual Assault Victims and the first pre-vention mobilization and aware-ness march for sexual abuse survi-vors in 2008 The presence of CRIPHASE at the Table has also
allowed the feminists within the CALACS to have a better under-standing of the suffer-ing of male survivors who are also victims in their own way of an old patriarchal system CRIPHASE was also finally incorporated in the CALACS coordina-tion groupmdashcalled Table des CALACS mdash in 2008
Until 2008 there were no services provided in English (Queacutebec is a French-speaking province where Eng-lish speakers are a minority) due to lack of funding to translate the PHASE 1 docu-ments and employ English-speaking therapists The project
to offer groups in English had been put aside for years but finally in 2008 the first groups of PHASE 1 and 2 opened for English speakers The PHASE Artistique and PHASE Weekend are now bilingual pro-grams
(Continued on page 36)
Phone calls received at CRIPHASE
male survivors
therapists
relatives and loved ones
other
The average male survivor using the services at CRIPHASE is aged between 35 and 55
Vol 2 No 2
Page 36
Male survivors in the Native American
communities Recovery programs within Native American communities are only starting Many Native American men were sexually abused as well as psychologically and emotionally abused when they were sent to boarding schools across the province for assimila-tion The effects of this traumatic experience (including historic trauma) can be seen in all First Nations of Queacutebec Algonquians Cris Innus Abenakis Innuits Micmacs and so forth Today there is a strong need of heal-ing for this lost gen-eration but traumatic experiences and con-sequences have been passed on to the next generations Unfortu-nately sexual abuse is one of these problems which need to be addressed through prevention and coun-seling in a way that will integrate Native American traditions and their holistic ap-proach to medicine Such programs already exist within some communi-ties Organizations like GRIPMA (Groupe de Recherches et dInter-ventions Psychosociales en Milieu Autochtone = Research and Inter-vention group in Aboriginal Com-munities) located in the Huron
History of Male Survivor Services (Continued from page 35)
community of Wendake (near Queacute-bec city) provide a clinical expertise in intervention within Native Ameri-can communities On the other side the Aboriginal Healing Foun-dation based in Ottawa is currently funding 16 recovery projects for the First Nations in Queacutebec ad-dressing sexual abuse addiction prevention of suicide boarding schools trauma etc until 2010
Last year the publication of the five-year funding plan on sexual abuse by the provincial govern-ment of Queacutebec has seen the recognition of male survivors as a population in great need of ser-vices It has also recognized the necessity of providing services to the First Nations communities
Things are changing in Queacutebec for male survivors Because CRIPHASE is the only organization providing support and counseling to men in Queacutebec who have been sexually abused in childhood there is great hope for an increase of funding this year The constant develop-ment of CRIPHASE and the increase in phone calls and numbers of guys within the services (in 2008-
2009 there will be seven groups of PHASE 1 in-stead of five the year before) also show that men in Queacutebec are get-ting the right information on sexual abuse and services and are being encouraged to look for help and engage in re-covery
If you are one of these men in Queacutebec we are waiting for your call Remember you are not alone
For the annual march event please visit wwwmarchevasca (Information for the May 2009 march will be on line from February 2009)
Quilt Square by a Native Child from Alberta From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 37
MaleSurvivor is men surviving sexual abuse in Canada we will start with Canadarsquos sad legacy of abuse of children by clergy
A Brief Incomplete Canadian History
In Canada our First Nations People have had to bear the legacy of abuse they endured in Canadarsquos notorious residential schools Cur-rent issues of addictions and family and mental health problems amongst our First Nations people can be traced back to the legacy of abuse experienced by Native chil-dren in residential schools
Around 1874 the federal government began working with the churches (Catholic Anglican United and Presbyte-rian) to set up the Residential School System as a means to suppress Native cul-ture and promote assimilation In gen-eral children between the ages of five and 16 were taken from their parents and sent to church-run residen-tial schools The extent of the abuse in these church-run schools has been referred to as the ldquoCanadian Holocaustrdquo Recently the Canadian Government formed the Truth and Reconciliation Commis-sion (TRC) as part of the court-approved Indian Residential Schools Settlement Agreement The
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious
Leader By Nancy N Mayer MSW RSW
Partner Crisci amp Mayer Consultation Counselling and
Training Toronto wwwckmconsultationcom
Introduction
L ikely all the readers of this newsletter have knowledge and expertise about men
being physically sexually and emotionally abused Research tells us that abusers can come from any
walk of life and most often are known to the child or adult In the last decade abuse by clergy has finally ldquocome out of the closetrdquo so to
speak thanks to those brave survi-vors who have made public their experiences of being abused by clergy More than ever survivor groups are encouraging victims to report these crimes to the police and to consider seeking civil re-dress for their injuries Many groups believe that change in churches will only come when they are held accountable for the abuse perpetrated by clergy
This article will attempt to address the distinctive issues that are com-mon to this population of survivors Because the focus of this issue of
purpose of the commission is not to determine guilt or innocence but to create an historical account of the residential schools help people to heal and encourage reconciliation between Aboriginal and non-aboriginal Canadians
The notorious Mount Cashel Or-phanage is another Canadian leg-acy of sexual abuse by clergy This facility was operated in Newfound-land by the Christian Brothers More than a dozen priests were convicted after decades of abusing young boys at the orphanage
Mount Cashel Or-phanage closed in 1989 just six months after allegations of sexual physical and emotional abuse were published by the media (For more in depth information see Harris Michael Unholy Orders Trag-edy at Mount Cashel Ontario Viking Press 1990)
Like the US there have been hundreds and perhaps thou-sands of cases of children and vulner-
able adults abused by clergy in every religious denomination Unlike the US our country is not bound as strictly by statutes of limitations so lawsuits can proceed more freely Our sentences for convicted clerical sex offenders are
(Continued on page 38)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Nancy N Mayer
ldquo[First Nations] children
between the ages of five
and 16 were taken from
their parents and sent to
church-run residential
schools The extent of
the abuse in these
church-run schools has
been referred to as the
lsquoCanadian Holocaustrsquoldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 38
nowhere near as severe as those of our American neighbours Most first offenders will not serve a day in jail The civil awards for personal inju-ries are also quite low Our court system promotes set-tling these cases out of court When a case fails to go to trial it is not part of the public re-cord The widespread use of confidentiality orders media fatigue and Canadian reserve means that it is impos-sible to obtain accurate statistics on how often men are abused by clergy or even the ex-tent of the problem in this country
The Authority of Rel igious Leaders Religious organizations have always played a central role in our so-cieties They provide moral ethical and spiritual guidance Reli-gious teachings have given us a context and meaning for our lives Most religious belief revolves around a divine power or God Religious leaders (ministers priests rabbis elders nuns) are thought to be Godrsquos earthly repre-sentatives and are treated with reverence and respect They have intimate involvement with families and children at such vulnerable times as an illness death or other family crises They may have access
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 37)
to confidential information by virtue of their roles of confessor or counsellor A child brought up by religious parents is taught to re-spect these men and women Oth-ers associated with churches mdash choir leaders teachers cantors youth group leaders mdash are also considered trustworthy by virtue of their close
association with their religious organizations Most parents en-courage their childrenrsquos participa-tion in church-based activities believing them to be safe and wholesome
These leaders are considered to be esteemed authorities and as repre-sentatives of God wield a great deal of power Depending on the faith group there may be teachings
that support an unquestioning adherence to their instructions and guidance This makes children and vulnerable adults particularly sus-ceptible to exploitation by this group because they have access opportunity and trust
Misuse of Power Perpetrators can utilize their positions of power and trust to gain access to their victims some-times for extended periods of uninterrupted time They may tell children that they are being asked to ldquoserve Godrdquo or that they or their families will be punished if they do not do as instructed Chil-dren may be threatened with eternal damnation or blamed for leading the religious leader into sin If the religion con-siders premarital sex or same sex contacts as sinful the guilt will be compounded
In most cases the victim will not disclose or may disclose but not be
believed A child will have a difficult time convincing adults that he or she has been victimized The vic-timrsquos family culture or communi-ties have been socialized to see their religious leaders as unques-tionably good and incapable of lies This can lead to others denying or minimizing the victimrsquos experience of abuse The victim is initially harmed by the abuser and then is revictimized by those who cannot
ldquoMay Hope be Passed through Every Handrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 39
institutionrsquos response and lack of compassion and pastoral care
The Impact on Spir ituality
The frequently used term ldquosoul murderrdquo aptly describes what hap-pens when the abuser is a religious leader When the response of the religious institu-tion to a disclosure of abuse is experienced as self-serving and uncaring the survivor will likely lose his faith in the religious community of which he has been a part To belong and to feel connected is a basic human need When abused by clergy the loss of connection and belonging to what may have been a spiritual anchor can be devastating
To compound the harm the abuse may have occurred in a religious building The abuser may have worn traditional cleri-cal attire or may have made religious or biblical refer-ences As a result being exposed to religious symbols music or any other reminder can trigger flashbacks and other uncomfortable physical symptoms
The cleric is often considered Godrsquos representative on earth This gives the cleric power that surpasses his position and status When abuse is at the hands of a minister nun
accept that their spiritual leaders are capable of abuse There are many stories of clergy abuse survi-vors being abandoned by their religious communities (who side with the cleric) and their families who cannot face leaving the church that has given their lives meaning and comfort The resultant feelings of betrayal and abandonment are profound
The Role of the Religious Inst itutions
When religious institutions hold themselves up as ethical compasses and arbitrators of right and wrong society has an expectation that church leaders will act in a fair and moral way Many US Commissions and Grand Juries and Canadian reports such as the Winter Com-mission Report (Archdiocese of St Johns Newfoundland Canada 1990) Child Abuse in Community Institutions and Organizations and Improving Public and Professional Understanding (prepared for the Law Commission of Canada) all record and explain the dynamics that have lead to the failure of religious institutions to protect our children
While it is well known that any institution mdash educational recrea-tional or spiritual mdash is not immune from having sex offenders in its midst the religious institutions have a particular legacy of protect-ing the institution through aggres-sive legal tactics versus truth telling and reconciliation Many victims state that they have been less wounded by the actual abuse and profoundly more damaged by the
priest rabbi minister or elder the recipient of the abuse may experi-ence profound guilt for ldquoparticipatingrdquo in ldquosinfulrdquo behaviour mdash a mistaken belief that he is respon-sible for the abuse or shame that
he has ldquosinnedrdquo He may believe he is deserving of rejection or eternal damnation If he confesses he risks exposing the cleric who has likely done what he could to trick the victim into believing that he must maintain silence and secrecy One survivor describes feeling that rdquoIt was like being abused by God him-self If even God couldnrsquot love me how could anyone else ever love merdquo
These factors alone can leave a man who has been abused by clergy unable to find comfort and solace in what used to be his spiritual beliefs and his church Without these familiar beliefs the survivor is aban-
doned and alone when he most needs support
The Role of Gender While woman are ordained in some denominations there is still an imbalance of power between men and women in many religious tradi-tions For boys and men abused by male clerics embarrassment and
(Continued on page 40)
ldquoThe frequently used
term lsquosoul murderrsquo aptly
describes what happens
when the abuser is a
religious leader When
the response of the
religious institution to a
disclosure of abuse is
experienced as self-
serving and uncaring
the survivor will likely
lose his faith in the
religious community of
which he has been
a partrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 40
concerns of how they will be per-ceived promote silence For the boy or man abused by a female cleric there may be worries that he will be labelled the seducer or pres-sured to consider this ldquorelationshiprdquo as non-abusive
The study conducted by the John Jay Col-lege of Criminal Jus-tice regarding The Nature and Scope of the Problem of Sexual Abuse of Minors by Priests and Deacons in the Catholic Church (Washington DC USCCB 2004) found some very disturbing information about the age and gender of victims The largest group of reported victims (509) was between the ages of 11 and 14 273 of victims were 15 to 17 16 were eight to 10 and nearly 6 were under age seven Overall 81 of vic-tims were male and 19 female Male victims tended to be older than female victims Over 40 of all victims were males between the ages of 11 and 14
The largest group of reported victims in this study consisted of boys who were entering puberty This is a tumultuous time in most
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 39)
young menrsquos lives To have this period of development disrupted can contribute to many mental health problems including lack of confidence disruption of emo-tional sexual and psycho-social development isolation sexual identity confusion depression anxiety and abuse of substances
In Summary The harm experienced by those
who are abused by clergy is profound and multifaceted Some therapists will not want to work with survivors of clergy abuse due to the complexity of their issues their limited knowledge of the subject area possible religious biases and potential for litigation Most (but certainly not all) survivors will have experienced revictimization by their churches or religious institutions This compounded by abuse by a religious leader in a position of power will under-standably lead to unique challenges Survivors will have
significant trust issues that can impede the forming of a trusting therapeutic relationship with a therapist who will also be in a position of power and may be an employee of an institution With transparency and skill on the part of the therapist and tenacity on the part of the survivor effective thera-
peutic partnership can be achieved While recovery is difficult it is possible
The irony is that many survivors of abuse by clergy have a strong sense of integrity morality and perseverance They learned the lessons that the ldquoreligiousrdquo offend-ers failed to learn At the core of their beings these clergy abuse survivors are the prophets who have come to speak the truth and reveal the abuse and the decep-tions It is this desire for social justice truth telling belonging and connection that will allow a healthy spiritual belief system to rise out of the ashes of what has happened It is this healthy spiritual belief that makes many clergy abuse survivors persistent and tenacious in seeking recovery and social justice They are making a difference and chang-ing the world as we know it
ldquoThe harm experienced
by those who are
abused by clergy is
profound and
multifaceted Some
therapists will not want
to work with survivors
of clergy abuse due to
the complexity of their
issues their limited
knowledge of the
subject area possible
religious biases and
potential for litigationldquo
February 2009
Page 41
tion of it earlier in the lsquo90s but 1997 is when there was a critical mass of mostly male survivors coming forward and taking action against Maple Leaf Gardens Your question specifically was ldquoDid it play a role in my choice of ca-reersrdquo
MS Yes
SJ Yes and no The Maple Leaf
Gardens cases were not my first sexual assault cases but my in-volvement in these cases solidified my interest and desire to help sur-vivors
MS Could you take a few minutes to explain to our readers just what the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal was and why it has played a central role in revealing the extent of sex-ual abuse at least in the Toronto area
of my clients will say something like ldquoYou know this is not about the money I donrsquot care how much I get this is about something elserdquo And whatever that person seeks mdash an apology or the empowerment of filing a lawsuit or a million other unique things mdash that is why I do this kind of work Itrsquos about helping people through whatever process they need in order to begin that healing process the moving forward process
MS And also to provide your clients with a sense of justice
SJ Absolutely Justice is really not about the money itrsquos about the knowledge that theyrsquove come forward theyrsquove done something and theyrsquove empowered themselves It takes a tre-mendous amount of courage to do that I am always in awe of my cli-ents for the amount of courage they have They are my inspiration
MS Many Americans are unaware of the so-called Maple Leaf Gar-dens sex scandal that began some-time in the 1960s but didnrsquot come to wide public attention until 1997 the year after you began practicing law Did this scandal have some affect on your choice of career
SJ Actually the scandal did come to prominence before 1997 There was scattered media atten-
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 1)
SJ Sure There was a series of men who were employed at Maple Leaf Gardens which was the home of the Toronto Maple Leafs mdash the hockey club mdash who over a period of a couple of decades sexually abused probably hundreds of chil-dren It started in the lsquo60s it went on we believe until the early lsquo80s There were two principal men in-volved but there were at least three
others who also were ac-cused In order to under-stand why the Maple Leaf Gardens sex scandals are as important as they are you have to understand that hockey in Toronto and hockey in Canada is almost a religion Hockey is to Canadians what the NFL or Major League Baseball is to Americans Every little boy dreams of about becoming the next Wayne Gretzky becoming the best hockey player he can be Maple Leaf Gar-dens was the home of one of the best loved and biggest hockey teams mdash the Toronto Maple Leafs The Gardens was the high
temple of hockey in Canada and still is In the lsquo60s lsquo70s and even the lsquo80s children mdash mostly boys mdash would go to Maple Leaf Gardens usually unaccompanied by their parents because back then nobody really thought that anything bad would happen to them at the Gar-dens The boys would go there ei-ther for practice games or to watch the Maple Leafs play or more likely they would go to watch To-
(Continued on page 42)
ldquoMaple Leaf Gardens in Memory of Martin Kruzerdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 42
ronto Marlies games The Marlies were the farm team for the Toronto Maple Leafs During these games and these practices the pedophiles who worked at the Gardenrsquos would often befriend these boys seeking out boys who were more vulner-able than others most likely and would sexually assault the boys sometimes off-property but most often within the Gardens itself They would use their position as employees of the Gardens to be able to say to the boys if you come with me Irsquoll get you a broken hockey stick or hockey puck or Irsquoll get you into better seats the next game or whatever other type of inducement would be necessary to get the boys to go with them into either a washroom or a training room or other private place where the boys would be sexually abused
In 1997 there were about 50 or 60 cases all joined to-gether and Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Entertainment Ltd wanted to settle all the cases prior to the Toronto Maple Leafs moving into a new hockey rink called the Air Canada Center so as to have a clean slate at the new rink By and large a lot of the litigation was fin-ished before the team moved into the Air Canada Center but not all of it In fact there are probably 17 or 19 cases going through the court
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 41)
system today more than 10 years after the original large group of plaintiffs went through the court and I believe that new people will continue to come forward when they are strong enough
MS I understand that one of the principal plaintiffs in the case Mar-tin Kruze had settled with the owners or the operators of the Ma-ple Leaf Gardens in 1995 and that he signed a confidentiality agree-ment not to reveal the settlement
or perhaps even the details of what had happened to him Do you think that the confidentiality agree-ment Mr Kruze agreed to slowed down or hindered the full exposure of this scandal
SJ I think that any confidentiality agreement blocks public access to knowledge and to understanding so I do suspect that Martinrsquos confi-dentiality agreement did have some impact on the scandal re-
maining hidden for as long as it did Absolutely yes I believe that confidentiality agreements are in-herently difficult for plaintiffs be-cause they create and continue a cycle of secrecy Sexual assault is a crime that is almost always carried out in secret and the guilt and shame it produces is key in helping pedophiles maintain their hold over their victims Putting a confidential-ity agreement on a settlement just perpetuates the guilt and the shame
MS Unfortunately Martin Kruzersquos principal perpetrator received a shockingly light sen-tence for all his actions and I understand that this led to Martin com-mitting suicide shortly afterwards
SJ I would think that the perpetratorrsquos sentence was a part of why Martin chose to end his life yes It hap-pened relatively shortly after the sentencing and I suspect that it weighed heavily on Martinrsquos decision
MS Do you think that the sen-tence that the perpetrator received was a reflection of the then current attitude towards pedophiles and sexual abuse
SJ The sentence that the perpe-trator received was a reflection on the way that the Canadian justice system deals with criminals regard-ing personal crimes absolutely It was a very low sentence in keep-
Imants Kruze visiting his sonrsquos memorial quilt square in the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 43
obtain here versus how much they can obtain in the United States In the United States there is no cap for pain and suffering awards whereas here in Canada there is a very small cap mdash about $325000 If a survivor of sexual assault goes through the court system and even if they have a very good day in court in terms of compensation yoursquore probably looking at an award for dam-ages somewhere be-tween $200000 and $500000 Sometimes itrsquos actually less than $200000 and very very rarely more than $500000 so in that sense we are defi-nitely behind But I donrsquot think itrsquos a question of waiting 10 years to see if we ldquocatch uprdquo I think itrsquos just a fundamental difference in how our court system works and whatrsquos available to survivors in terms of compensation
If you mean that Canada is 10 years behind in dealing with other aspects of sexual assault then you are probably correct in terms of media attention public awareness and outrage Sexual assault is still largely an unreported unprose-cuted crime But things are getting better every day and as more and more survivors come forward posi-tive changes will continue to hap-pen
MS As Irsquom sure you know therersquos periodic discussion about tort re-
ing with what was handed out at the time and to a large extent itrsquos still in keeping with what is handed out right now
MS Are you still representing or have you represented anyone who is a plaintiff in this scandal
SJ I was very much involved in the core group of Maple Leaf Gar-dens survivors that came forward in 1997 I was on what was called the plaintiffsrsquo committee back then which was a group of a few lawyers who brought the litigation forward I represented a number of plaintiffs in the original group that came forward I have also represented quite a few men throughout the last 10 years and currently repre-sent two men in the last group of plaintiffs to come forward I have also been approached by at least two other men who may decide to pursue litigation
MS Dale English mdash who has spo-ken to you at some length mdash has said to me that either you or he or both of you have felt that Canada is perhaps 10 or more years behind the US in dealing with the issues of sexual abuse and sexual assault Could you elaborate on that com-ment
SJ I think it depends on what you mean by dealing with the is-sues If you mean dealing with the issues in terms of bringing civil cases forward to a certain extent we are behind One of the funda-mental differences between the United States and Canada is the way that our tort systems operate and specifically the amount of compensation that tort victims can
form in the United States mainly aimed at capping punitive dam-ages Irsquom wondering whether there is the mirror of that in Canada mdash whether therersquos any movement to-wards tort reform that would allow greater awards to victims
SJ Well there is and there isnrsquot In Canada itrsquos very difficult if not
impossible to get pu-nitive damages espe-cially if therersquos a criminal conviction The punitive damages that are available in Canada are very low A typical punitive damage award would be $20000 or $25000 - usually not much more than that So damages are quite restricted here in any event In terms of tort reform I think there is a global push by in-surance companies to
try to limit compensation whether in the States or here The things that the American Association of Justice are fighting for down in the States are the same things that the Ontario Trial Lawyers Association are fighting for here mdash the continued ability to sue for compensation un-hampered by legislative roadblocks benefitting powerful institutional defendants to the detriment of those who have suffered Ours is a much smaller playing field and therefore less money is at stake In terms of plaintiffsrsquo lawyers wersquore trying to maximize the compensa-tion that we can get for our client Every time we go to court we try
(Continued on page 44)
ldquoIf you mean that
Canada is 10 years
behind in dealing with
other aspects of sexual
assault then you are
probably correct in
terms of media
attention public
awareness and outrageldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 44
to get a higher damage award so that that case will be a building block for future cases There are always attempts to try to circum-vent the cap on pain and suffering damages that we have Itrsquos not an easy thing to do the cap has been in place in Canada for 32 years now It was put in place in 1977 by the Supreme Court of Canada and itrsquos unlikely to be overturned any-time soon Even though from a purely theoretical legal analysis that cap does not apply to pain and suffering damages for victims of sexual assault and sexual abuse the reality is that judges still use that cap as a high water mark even though it doesnrsquot formally apply mdash it is still a de facto cap and to be honest with you it is almost impos-sible to get anywhere near that cap for compensation for pain and suf-fering A typical pain and suffering award in Canada for childhood sex-ual abuse is somewhere between $100000 and $200000 Anything on top of that would be associated economic loss or care costs
MS Itrsquos quite unfortunate that even though therersquos no real cap the law behaves as if there were one
SJ Yep I couldnrsquot agree with you more Itrsquos very unfortunate
MS I understand that in 2005 the government of Ontario convened whatrsquos known as the Cornwall Pub-lic Inquiry Was the Inquiry con-vened to address the issues of sex-ual abuse and sexual assault and
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 43)
the way the justice system is han-dling it
SJ Thatrsquos probably one of the reasons the Inquiry was convened Thatrsquos one of the hopes The In-quiry was convened because of what was going on in a little city east of Toronto mdash a series of allega-tions against very prominent mem-bers of that community involving the sexual abuse of children over a period of many many years The idea behind the Inquiry is to try to figure out what happened and to put in place some recommenda-tions that will not only stop some-thing like the abuse in Cornwall from happening again but will also try to help those who were affected by the events in the first place And to some extent I think some good will come of the Inquiry Hopefully the recommendations will be good for survivors of childhood sexual abuse or any kind of sexual assault The Submission phase of the In-quiry officially ended late February 2009
MS Did you have the opportunity to testify before the Inquiry
SJ I did not personally testify before the Inquiry Testimony was generally limited to the people ac-tually involved mdash police officers vic-tims what not I was involved in the Inquiry with regards to a panel discussionroundtable that they had regarding the use of confiden-tiality agreements
MS As you probably know Male-Survivor was first founded in the early 1980s by a group of thera-pists who were concerned about support for victims of childhood
sexual abuse and although Male-Survivor is still not a very large or-ganization it has increased its in-fluence significantly over the years and Irsquom wondering whether there is a similar non-profit or other group in Canada that also is dedi-cated to helping victims of child-hood sexual abuse
SJ There are some grass roots organizations that deal with victims of childhood sexual abuse or adult sexual assault I donrsquot believe there is as cohesive a unit as MaleSurvi-vor I may be wrong on that but there are smaller more community based organizations that assist sur-vivors That being said resources available to survivors are unfortu-nately pretty limited
MS Is that because there are too few therapists in that form of prac-tice
SJ I think itrsquos a mixture of many different things First of all Canada has a much smaller population base mdash 30 million people as com-pared to 300 million in the United States mdash so you have significantly fewer people affected and there-fore you have significantly fewer resources available to those people The services that we do have will often have very long waiting lists before people can access them There are some very very good counselors in Canada assisting sur-vivors but unfortunately the waiting lists are sometimes long and the availability for public funding to provide services free of charge is somewhat limited
MS Is there anything in your opinion about the Canadian health
February 2009
Page 45
system that contributes to the scar-city of services
SJ I donrsquot know if itrsquos the Cana-dian health system I think that in Canada we have a pretty good public health system in the sense that anybody who needs medical services can access those services free of charge The problem is that a lot of these services are not covered under our health system per se Many are covered under either private plans or pay as you go type services and itrsquos just a question of finding the people who can provide these services and being lucky enough to get them when they either donrsquot have a waiting list or other-wise having to wait until your name comes up on that waiting list
MS And that could takes years in some cases it seems
SJ My understanding is that those waiting lists can be quite long but there are very good peo-ple out there Itrsquos just a question of finding them and being able to afford them
MS Can you elaborate on other differences between the US and Canada that affect the way survi-vors and perpetrators are treated by the legal system and the media
SJ The differences between Can-ada and the US are really huge On the surface Americans and Canadi-ans look pretty much the same dress the same talk the same eat the same foods and by and large watch the same TV but culturally there is a huge difference in the way we look at the world in the
way our legal system works and the way that people interact with one another
Americans are much more litigious by na-ture I think this is due to the fact that in the United States mdash at least as seen from the outside mdash the rights of the individual are paramount In Can-ada less so Canada is much more commu-nity-oriented We of-tentimes think about how something is going to affect others instead of looking at what an individual might be entitled to I think that the high
damage awards available through the American legal system are beneficial in sexual abuse cases as is the lack of a cap on awards which we have
In some ways though our legal system is much better for my cli-ents than the US system would be because of the way that our actual process works One of the things that I know is very damaging to a lot of plaintiffs in the United States is the whole discovery process tak-
ing depositions Depositions can go on for a huge number of days and pretty much everybody in the per-sonrsquos life can be called to give a deposition That is very troubling and painful for people who donrsquot necessarily want others to know about their abuse or donrsquot want to involve their family Here in Canada depositions mdash or what we call the examination for discovery mdash are lim-ited to the actual named parties in the lawsuit The defendant and the plaintiff are examined for discovery or deposed if you will Anyone who is not an actual party to the litiga-tion can only be discovered under court orders and itrsquos very difficult to get those court orders so in that sense itrsquos a much quicker cleaner process and less intrusive on some-onersquos life So that is probably a good thing
The other really huge difference between the two systems which I think does in fact impact on why a lot of these cases settle as opposed to going to court and oftentimes settle for very different amounts of money than they would if they went to court is that in Canada we have a ldquoloser paysrdquo system If you go to court and you lose you have to pay at least a portion of the fees incurred by the other side Letrsquos say the defendantrsquos settlement offer is $100000 If the plaintiff does not accept that $100000 and at trial the plaintiff gets $99000 then the plaintiff has to pay the lawyerrsquos fees of the defendant because the award is less than the settlement offer That is very difficult That means that a lot of cases are set-tled for probably less money than
(Continued on page 46)
ldquoOn the surface
Americans and
Canadians look pretty
much the same hellip but
culturally there is a
huge difference in the
way we look at the
world in the way our
legal system works and
the way that people
interact with one
anotherldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 46
MS I join you in that hope Any-thing that can advance the cause of not only helping people but also helping prevent further abuses is always going to be welcome If you could set forth a vision of how you would like to see the law and the therapeutic community in Canada evolve to handle matters of child-
hood sexual abuse and sexual assault mdash if you could influence the reform of institu-tions what would your vision be
SJ Oh Richard Wow Well first and foremost I would love to raise public aware-ness of this issue for various reasons I think that increased public awareness will not necessarily reduce the instances of abuse but will help improve how abuse is dealt with when itrsquos ongoing and after-wards Itrsquos very im-portant that when a child is hurt that
child knows that he can go to peo-ple for help and support All too often if kids get up enough cour-age to tell someone the reaction they get is not very positive I think that with increased public aware-ness hopefully people will under-stand that there are ways to deal with this that will decrease the amount of harm so public aware-ness is paramount
I would like the legal system to raise compensation awards for sur-
turning point in bringing to the publicrsquos attention that the sexual assault of children can happen does happen and itrsquos a very diffi-cult thing for anyone to go through whether theyrsquore little boys or grown men that were abused as children It brought childhood sex-ual abuse out of the shadows to a certain extent The scandal still garners media attention as new survivors come forward but not the same as it did 10 years ago
MS Would you say that the lack of inves-tigative reporting is a cultural phenomenon or is it that the news-papers donrsquot feel they have that role
SJ Oh no Canadian newspapers do feel that they have a role in investigating things but for whatever rea-son sexual abuse of children has not been a priority The Cana-dian media really has not been at the forefront of this issue the way the media in the United States has been and I think that is tremen-dously disappointing The lack of media attention means that we arenrsquot fostering the awareness within the public that we need in order to provide real help and ser-vices for survivors We need the mediarsquos help to bring this horrific crime to light and to help stop it from happening
they would get if they went to court because that risk of going to court and not getting at least the amount of the original offer weighs heavily on everyone Our system is designed and geared toward avoid-ing trials which can be good be-cause nobody really wants to go through a trial but can be bad be-cause people become very intimi-dated by the prospect of losing or not getting as much as the settle-ment offer and being indebted to the defendant for a lot of money Thatrsquos a scary scary thing to go through
With regards to the media the US has a media that by and large has helped out a lot with sexual abuse cases The whole issue of clergy abuse really started with investiga-tive reporting by the Boston Globe right
MS Right
SJ They really took that issue and just ran with it Here in Canada we really havenrsquot had the same kind of investigative media cover-age as yoursquove had which is why events like the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal are not as huge as they are down in the States
Before Martin Kruze committed sui-cide the media was only somewhat interested in the Maple Leaf Gar-dens scandal Martin Kruze was a figure because he had sued the Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Com-plex But after he committed sui-cide the media was really galva-nized and that was probably a
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 45)
ldquoThe lack of media
attention means that we
arenrsquot fostering the
awareness within the
public that we need in
order to provide real
help and services for
survivors We need the
mediarsquos help to bring
this horrific crime to
light and to help stop it
from happeningrdquo
February 2009
Page 47
ments but it canrsquot at this stage really happen through the courts
I would want there to be an ability for institutions or perpetrators mdash de-fendants mdash to look beyond mere dollars and cents and look toward healing the person that they have hurt either directly or indirectly All too often in these cases we really become tied up in the legal minu-tiae of things as opposed to defen-dants saying ldquoOK letrsquos step back here and letrsquos try to helprdquo
I wish that there were a real under-standing that these cases are not car accident cases and they should
not be treated as car accident cases My clients are not people whorsquove broken a leg and therefore need X amount of dollars in order to pay for medical services or whatnot And unfortu-nately that doesnrsquot necessarily happen
In terms of the thera-peutic community I would love to see counseling and therapy ses-sions be paid for through the pub-lic purse so that people who re-quire the services of highly-skilled counselors and therapists and psy-chologists can access those services without having to pay for them A lot of clients just donrsquot have the economic means to pay for such services until after they get a set-tlement and that could take years It would be wonderful to see those kinds of services funded the same way as a trip to the emergency room or a trip to your family doc-tor for a cold is funded Irsquod love to
vivors The amount of damage that can be done as a result of child-hood abuse or in fact any kind of sexual assault is tremendous It affects almost every aspect of someonersquos life It becomes inter-generational because it affects the people around the survivor and compensation awards are still very much a pale reflection of what is needed in order to help these peo-ple I hope that at some point our judges and our legislature under-stand that need and can corre-spondingly give appropriate and reasonable damage awards so that people can start to rebuild their lives in a meaningful way
I would love there to be an opportunity within our civil system for more than just compensation At this stage the only thing that a civil judge can do is award monetary compensation There are a lot of creative things that you can do within a settlement that are not purely fi-nancial that can give a lot of sol-ace to someone who has been abused whether that be in the form of some non-financial healing whether it be in the form of a situation where somebody can con-front their abuser if thatrsquos what they wish to do in a safe setting or whether itrsquos the ability for that sur-vivor to do something outside of pure simple dollars and put for-ward some sort of healing plan that is as individual as they are That can happen through settle-
be able to see that I think that that would go a long way to helping people earlier rather than later
Ultimately I wish that this situation didnrsquot exist anymore and I would be put out of business frankly
MS Well I can certainly sympa-thize with the way you feel but it would seem that you have a career ahead of you dealing with this problem
SJ Unfortunately I think you are right I think that instances of child-hood sexual abuse are not neces-sarily going down I think that insti-tutions are getting a little bit better at putting in place policies and sometimes even following their own policies to stop pedophiles from entering those institutions and preying on people that those insti-tutions are theoretically set up to serve but I think that as long as the problem of childhood sexual abuse is with us I will be out there trying to help anybody that I can
MS Is there anything else yoursquod like to say to our readers
SJ I think that organizations such as MaleSurvivor are imperative in helping people understand that they are not alone that itrsquos not their fault and there are ways to get help So hats off to an organi-zation such as yours The clients I have who are involved in your or-ganization are very very well served so I have to thank you for being a resource
MS Thank you very much for your kind comments and for your time Simona
ldquoUltimately I wish that
this situation didnrsquot exist
anymore and I would be
put out of business
franklyrdquo
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-
Vol 2 No 2
Page 10
this was the case It was discovered that those in control of determin-ing what funding went to what had decided it was not cost effective to have a womenrsquos detox since so few women were over-drinking The committee decided to document the need since many felt that a womenrsquos detox was necessary
In the end the committee was able to document the need and a womenrsquos detox was funded in Windsor Ontario What had hap-pened Many women struggling with a substance abuse problem were hidden and misdiagnosed A similar situation exists with male survivors of childhood abuse This problem is hidden and often misdi-agnosed
The Greater Toronto Area where I cur-rently live is a city of over 55 million peo-ple If we believe the current stats and if we assume that roughly half the population are male and if perhaps one in six boys will have been abused by the age of 16 (and ac-cording to some
experts one in five boys is sexually abused) then there are possibly over 500000 men out there who have experienced childhood abuse in my little corner of the world To be fair we know that some chil-dren report and are heard and helped We also know that some seem to have been able to work it
A Dearth of Services in Canada
By Lynne MacDonnell
Private Practice in Toronto Area +1 (416) 996-4050
A report issued by the United Nations states that millions of children are exposed to
sexual violence each year It cuts across cultures income levels edu-cation levels No country is immune from it The four-year study that encompassed 130 countries was completed by Paulo Pinheiro an independent expert appointed by UN Secretary General Kofi Annan As many as 150 million girls and 73 million boys worldwide are subject to sexual violence each year usually by someone in their family circle said the report A 2002 Canadian study showed chil-dren made up 23 of the popula-tion but accounted for 61 of
sexual assault victimssup1
In spite of this recovery services for male survivors of childhood abuse seem to be limited An internet search for services in the Toronto area yields services for gay bi or transgendered men and a group for men against violence of women While these services are necessary and valuable what about the guys who need to deal with the sexual abuse they experienced as children rather than their sexual preference Apparently there is no lack of need since the above quoted report suggests that boys are just as likely
to be sexually abused as little girlssup2 One might argue that little boys are
even more likely to be abused since access to male children is more readily achieved Common sense suggests that one is more likely to leave their male children with coaches male babysitters male teachers ldquoUncle Ernierdquo and so forth than they would ever leave their young daughters This is in spite of the fact that the majority of the perpetrators ldquoreported as
malerdquosup3 It has often been suggested that incidents of sexual abuse of boys is under-reported
If the abuse of boys is under-reported the need for services may not be apparent As an example of this Irsquod like to tell you a short story In 1977-78 in Windsor On-tario my home town there was a detox centre But it was a male-only facil-ity In those days if a man was picked up for being drunk in a public place he was taken to the detox unless it was deter-mined that he was dangerously close to overdosing or had incurred some sort of an injury in which case he was taken to hospital In that same city a blue collar hard working town women who over-drank and were picked up drunk were taken to hospital if it was deemed that they were in physical trouble But if that was not the case women were taken to Jail At that time a com-mittee was struck to find out why
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoThose of us offering
services are not
connected and donrsquot
seem to know one
another except perhaps
for the few agencies
that do work with menrdquo
February 2009
Page 11
out But we also know that many try but cannot ldquoget over itrdquo much as they would like to Sadly we also know that some end up using addiction and or violence and end up in jail or treatment and never report the abuse (I wonder how many men who are in jail for vio-lent acts have been abused as boys mdash but that is another arti-cle) Some end up dead Where are all these men Are they suffering in silence
Free or close to free workshops for male survi-vors have been offered but few men come out Perhaps the adverts for such offerings are not read by these men or their partners Yet invariably when a man does finally access services he reports the difficulty he has had finding such services Is that too a lack of good PR It seems that the lack of information and the lack of coordinating ser-vices as well as the lack of the ability to document the need have all contributed to the situation we face Those of us offering services are not connected and donrsquot seem to know one another except per-haps for the few agencies that do work with men
In September of 2008 the Archdio-cese of Toronto gave the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness a small grant to help me partner with
others to offer groups for men This has been difficult to accom-plish Despite all the emails sent out only one person responded and unfortunately she is out of the area How does it happen How do those of us working in this field connect collaborate and use each other as referrals and consultants
It is a difficult situation
Originally when asked to write this article about the ser-vices in my area I waxed eloquent about how we are all protecting our little clinical kingdom reluc-tant to share information or lose clients But
upon reflection I wonder if that is true Could it be truer that others like me are busy doing what we do best mdash working with our clients mdash thus leaving less time for what we do not do best investigate and find others working with the same clientele Am I guilty of just that I wonder
The next obvious question is how How do we get out the word that ldquoyou are not the only onerdquo to a man who was abused in childhood As we are aware men often donrsquot get help until they end up in some sort of trouble with relationships addictions or recovering from depression or suicidal attempts Or Jail Sadly they donrsquot get help there except possibly for anger management
Perhaps we can speculate that as more information regarding male childhood abuse becomes avail-able more men will come forward but if they come forward we have to have a network of people to be there It is so difficult for a man to attempt to get help mdash even more difficult if he finds places he has reached out to turn him away because they donrsquot how to help him or where to send him
Irsquove attempted in my limited way to get the message out that men need to know that they are not alone that six out of 10 boys have been or will be abused by age 18 that healing is possible and healing is a private issue Men need not suffer in silence and can stop past abuse from damaging their lives just as MaleSurvivor has helped The trouble seems to be that those who read this are not those who need to read it Too many ques-tions and not enough answers
My only plan at this point is to send the link for this edition of the newsletter highlighting Canada to everyone I can find in the hopes that somehow we service providers can have a conference workshop meeting or whatever to find each other and start working on getting the message out that we are here and we know something about how to help
Endnotes
sup1 UN report reveals ldquoshockingrdquo levels of violence against children
sup2 See httpwwwjimhoppercommale-ab
sup3 This is a discussion for another occasion
ldquoThe Cycle Stoppedrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 12
My Journey to MaleSurvivor
By Rob Hawkings MA
I was asked a few weeks ago if I would write an article for the MaleSurvivor newsletter telling
the story of how I came to be in-volved in working with male survi-vors most recently as the newest member of the Weekends of Recov-ery leadership team My initial reaction was an enthusiastic ldquoNo problem great ideardquo And I do think it is a great idea I remember back to about 1989 when I attended mdash as a par-ticipant mdash my first therapeutic weekend for men who had ex-perienced childhood sexual abuse how difficult it was to trust anyone enough mdash par-ticularly male author-ity figures mdash to talk openly about my experience and feelings and how much easier it was after the leaders had modeled appropriate trust and self-disclosure I see this autobio-graphical article as an opportunity to begin to earn your trust
A few days later it hit me that what I had undertaken was not a one-to-one direct personal exchange or confined to a self-help setting or therapy group or retreat it was go-ing to be published on the Inter-net mdash for anyone to read mdash forever After 21 years of personal recovery
including almost 20 years as a counselor and psychotherapist I am quite comfortable disclosing my status as a survivor and whatever pieces of my story will be helpful in therapeutic settings mdash but this is different This is not contained Ah well as I have been told many times along my journey There are no accidents look for signs of syn-
chronicity and take advantage of opportunities for growth So here goes
Counseling and psychotherapy is a second career for me to which I aspired as a teenager a natural choice given that one of my child-hood roles as the eldest son in an alcoholic home was to be confi-dant and counselor to my suffering mother Looking back it is a very good thing I got diverted from that career path while at university Blind to my personal issues and
without the support and life experi-ence to handle my deeply buried emotions I would have made a terrible mdash and perhaps dangerous mdash therapist I am grateful that I did not revisit this career path until age 39 after I had begun a personal healing journey Up to that point I had managed to achieve an appar-ently successful life (at that time I
was in the corporate business world) but addictive behavior and underlying abuse-related issues had progressed to the point where I was unable to hold my house of cards together I realize now that the ensu-ing marital and pro-fessional melt-down was both unavoid-able and necessary in order for the healing to begin
The high quality of the self-help and
professional therapy I was blessed to experience in the early stages of my own recovery reawakened (on a much healthier footing this time) my passion to be doing that kind of work as a professional Organiz-ing self-help retreats led to training to be an addictions counselor serv-ing a year ldquoin the trenchesrdquo of front-line addictions treatment (invaluable experience) and then working half-time for two years as a therapist in hospital-based psy-chiatric day-treatment programs
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Journey Uncredited Photo
February 2009
Page 13
during which time I began a private practice The part-time private practice filled quickly (and became full-time after two years) with re-covering alcoholics and addicts adult children of alcoholics and increasingly adult survivors of sex-ual abuse
It was while I was working that first year in a menrsquos residential addic-tion treatment facility that men be-gan to disclose to me that they had been sexually abused as boys These emotionally charged disclo-sures were always one-on-one and curiously were occurring way more often with me than with other counselors on staff I say ldquocuriouslyrdquo because I was curious as to why this was happening It was only that same year in context of self-help support and professional help that I ldquoconnected the dotsrdquo between my own sex-ual abuse as a boy and the problems that had developed in my life I did not yet fully understand as I do now that with the highly sensitive ldquoradarrdquo that survivors seem to have these men were recognizing in me an empathetic kindred spirit who would somehow relate to their is-sues To learn to help these men (and to help myself) along a heal-ing path I began to seek out any and all training I could find on the subject
In those early years I learned mostly from women in the feminist movement who had been aware of the impact of sexual abuse for dec-ades and were far ahead of men in helping each other heal Much of what they knew and so generously shared was also useful in working with men There are however ma-jor differences and I was fortunate in connecting with some of the pioneers (Mike Lew among others) who were researching and articulat-ing those differences and how to address them in recovery Over succeeding years I continued to gain experience doing one-on-one
therapy with male survivors and in lead-ing and supervising group-based pro-grams for a succes-sion of Ontario agen-cies Along the way I have been honored to serve as clinical consultant for two treatment handbooks on working with men who have experi-enced childhood sex-ual abuse
A significant experi-ence professionally for me was leaving
my private practice for five years (2000-2005) to work full-time as a Program Development Specialist at Bellwood Health Services a 60-bed in-patient addictions treatment fa-cility in Toronto It was stimulating and rewarding to play lead roles in designing and implementing Can-adarsquos first residential treatment program for sexual addiction and Canadarsquos first truly concurrent
treatment program for soldiers and veterans with substance depend-ency and post-traumatic stress (I like the term ldquoOperational Stress Injuryrdquo adopted by the Canadian military which encompasses the whole spectrum of clinical and sub-clinical combat-related stress disor-ders not just psychiatrically diag-nosable PTSD)
At this point in my life and career (as of 2005) I and my second wife (I have been happily remarried now for close to ten years) have chosen to ldquosemi-retirerdquo to the small town of Deep River Ontario about a six-hour drive north of Toronto where I maintain a part-time private prac-tice providing counseling therapy training and consulting in two of the specialties I am known for re-covery for male survivors of child-hood sexual abuse and sexual ad-diction recovery I also ldquokeep my hand inrdquo in the field of combat-related post-traumatic stress treat-ment by working two days a week as an addictions counselor at a large nearby Canadian Forces Base (in Petawawa) which is sending units regularly to Afghanistan and where we are seeing growing num-bers of soldiers self-medicating their post-traumatic stress symp-toms with addictive behavior and substances
Deep River affords us a wonderfully quiet and gently paced lifestyle in a part of the country with beautiful natural surroundings and consis-tently and gloriously clean air but it poses some challenges This town is where I grew up and where the abuse happened There are ldquoghosts
(Continued on page 15)
ldquoIn those early years I
learned mostly from
women in the feminist
movement who had
been aware of the
impact of sexual abuse
for decades and were far
ahead of men in helping
each other healrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 14
My Weekend of Recovery
By Robert L
M y Weekend of Recovery was a phenomenal ex-perience Phenomenal
The more time that passes the more I realize how much of a posi-tive impact the WOR has had on me Since the WOR things have opened up and my recovery is accelerating
Given the positive experi-ence it is hard to believe that I was somewhat hesitant to attend While I was very excited when I first signed up months in advance some personal issues arose by the time the WOR came around and I seriously considered backing out Thankfully I did not
By way of background I have known about my abuse all my life No flashbacks for me it was always front and center I tried to deal with it as best as I could alone I first spoke about the abuse at age 19 telling my first real love interest about it Disclosing my past only to love interests became a pattern for me until I could no longer handle the pain and started individual therapy at age 31 (six years ago)
The individual therapy has been very helpful I have learned a lot
about myself particularly by ex-ploring areas that I did not even think were part of the equation The therapy also helped a lot of the pain go away
My biggest single problem remains relationships or the lack thereof In actuality I have never had a ldquorealrdquo relationship Instead I keep repeat-ing the same patterns of falling for girls who cannot be emotionally available to me who are often
survivors themselves and are often already in a relationship with an-other man Clearly I needed to add something to my individual ther-apy
Over the past six years I have considered group therapy but
could not find a suitable group A few months before the WOR my therapist gave me a copy of Mike Lewrsquos book Victims No Longer As I read the book I realized that I was a ldquotextbook caserdquo and thought that surely there must be a ldquotextbook solutionrdquo (that I obviously could not find over six years of individual therapy) Naiumlve or not I decided to search for a group once again My online search led me to
the MaleSurvivor website Imagine my pleasant surprise when I discov-ered that a WOR was coming to my city I signed up immediately
I was literally the first survivor to arrive at Mysthaven and was so anxious to ldquoget the show on the roadrdquo While wait-ing for the others to arrive I spent my time looking around trying to make myself feel at home It did not take long for that to happen As I entered the main room I was faced with dozens of t-shirts made by past WOR attendees and it moved me to tears I was surely in a place where I belonged
Eventually the others arrived and we began the opening ceremony It was so well thought out Actually everything was well thought out right from the opening to the closing ceremonies I noticed a lot
In the First Person
ldquoI Know I Am Not Shamefulrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 15
of nice little touches and appreci-ated all of them
After the opening ceremony we did a ldquosafetyrdquo exercise in which everyone had a chance to express his needs for a safe environment (for instance I cannot have people touch my neck) We all committed to abide by the safety rules This turned out to be one of the best parts of the WOR because at no time whatsoever did I feel judged or unsafe in any way I cannot recall ever being in such an atmosphere before
We went through a lot of activities and exercises over the weekend Some of these included small groups breathing exercises (grounding) telling our story ldquosculptingrdquo shame busting commu-nity building art and mindfulness walks
I liked the small groups the best I felt there was an excellent fit among the facilitators my fellow survivors and me I had ample opportunity to say what I wanted to say and welcomed all the feed-back After years of individual ther-apy it was great to finally connect with other male survivors in a group setting I learned from my fellow survivors and it also put my recovery into perspective
The shame busting exercise was also incredible It is one thing to talk about creating intimacy it is another to learn how to do it ac-
from the pastrdquo on every street cor-ner mdash and I am finding them a greater challenge than I antici-pated It has been much easier (surprisingly) and a hugely empow-ering victory for me to transform the house we now inhabit mdash where some of the abuse occurred in my childhood mdash into the safest and most comfortable home I have ever known Deep River is relatively iso-lated from the colleagues I have come to know and trust over many years and I take every opportunity to join them whenever and wher-ever I can for trainings and work-shops I am also learning to rely more on the telephone and the Internet to maintain my personal and professional circles of support My journey of growth and healing continues It is not without hurdles and challenges but at this stage it is filled with blessings not the least of which are my two children (now adults) and the relationships I now enjoy with them Life now is better than I could ever have imagined and I welcome the challenges
Which brings me to the present blessing and challenge namely joining the leadership team of the MaleSurvivor Weekends of Recov-ery I have many strong family and professional connections in the United States and I welcome this opportunity to work with a geo-graphically and culturally broader range of men and women who share my values principles and passion for recovery I look forward to meeting and working with some of you
My Journey (Continued from page 13)
tively After the movement exercise one of the facilitators told me that I ldquolooked beautiful out thererdquo I did not believe or understand that comment at the time but I think I do now and it still makes me cry to think of it The comment made me feel that someone saw the ldquorealrdquo me regardless of what I look
like on the outside It also made me realize that I had forgotten how to ldquoplayrdquo I really did feel like a playful child during the exer-cise and I cannot think of the last time that I experienced such a feeling
Since the WOR I have stepped up my recov-ery process I attend weekly groups and keep in regular con-
tact with a few fellow WOR partici-pants I have also bought many self-help books started journaling and increased my time on the MaleSur-vivor forums
I see a dramatic difference in my-self since the WOR I feel more positive and more at peace I can also talk more freely about the abuse and no longer feel shame The bottom line is that I have moved from being a victim to being a SURVIVOR
Words cannot express my gratitude to the WOR team and my fellow survivors I really appreciate the individual chats and felt that every-one was genuinely interested in my recovery Thank you I love you all
ldquoThe shame busting
exercise was also
incredible It is one
thing to talk about
creating intimacy it is
another to learn how to
do it activelyrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 16
high schools were resistant to al-lowing staff members to enter their school and provide educational programs Having a male on staff proved to be beneficial and the program grew rapidly Fortunately mdash and unfortunately mdash the media be-gan writing articles about me and the educational programs Once the Ministry folks became aware a man was on the payroll of the cen-tre my position was terminated I was told that funding was specifi-cally designed for women to pro-
vide services for women To the credit of the crisis centre they had me volun-teer for six months until they could se-cure funding from the local United Way They seemed less concerned about a man wanting to pro-vide services to peo-ple in need
History was being made We became the first sexual assault crisis centre in Canada to open a separate satellite office for a
menrsquos program This was not something celebrated by all crisis centres I was asked to advocate for men but to keep quiet at the same time The program became very successful and more and more male survivors were asking for ser-vices Unfortunately in 2002 the local United Way decided to reduce their support after having a trou-
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
The Circle of Compassion
By Tom Wilken
T hanks to Dale English of the MaleSurvivor newsletter for asking me to write an article
about my experiences working with male sexual abuse survivors in Can-ada As an advocate it seems like the journey of working with survi-vors has many societal obstacles but we are moving forward slowly but surely I often wonder why it is so challenging for Canadians to include male survivors into the circle of compas-sion
In 1991 I accepted a role with the local sexual assault crisis centre and attended one of their training programs On the first day the female facili-tator looked at me and said ldquoyou must be a brave manrdquo I had no idea what she was talking about at the time but I sure do now For the next eleven years I was employed in an adversarial political roller coaster ride that made advocating for men a daunting task Nevertheless I am very thankful for that opportunity I started as a part-time support worker counseling men My posi-tion evolved and included the role of an Education Co-Coordinator The crisis centre found the local
bling fund raising year Since the gender of the clientele was male the crisis centre was unable to top up funding and the male program was removed from the services of-fered by this crisis centre This may sound discriminatory and perhaps even a human rights issue because it is In Canada we pride ourselves in celebrating diversity but unfor-tunately that does not always in-clude the needs of male survivors
Something exciting happened in 2002 Health Canada asked me to update their ldquoAdult Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse - Overview Pa-perrdquo which was distributed throughout the country by the Na-tional Clearinghouse on Family Vio-lence Until that point in time the Overview Paper was predominately written about the concerns of fe-male survivors without any equality for the concerns of male survivors There was some resistance voiced by a crisis centre about a man writ-ing about both genders but Health Canada took a chance and re-quested I complete the Overview Paper that spoke to the similarities and differences regarding the re-covery process of both genders This paper was considered success-ful and a second printing was needed to meet the requests by Canadians This was so rewarding for me and it helped me to realize that there is hope for male survi-vors
Facilitating groups for male survi-vors was an exciting part of my role at the crisis centre Being with men who are being ldquorealrdquo and sup-
ldquoThe Canadian
government has known
for years that 37 of
sexual abuse survivors
under the age of 21 are
male however they do
not open their hearts for
male survivors and
welcome them into the
circle of compassionrdquo
February 2009
Page 17
ple as well The main difference was they responded to their woundedness in a different fashion It is estimated that on any given day there are over 100000 people on probation in the province of Ontario It is also estimated that up to 80 of these folks may have been sexually abused This equates
to 80000 sexual abuse survivors who are on probation most of whom are male We also know that 59 of people in prison are sexual abuse survivors Sadly probation officers are not trained in sexual abuse recovery issues It is interest-ing to note that I work with more male survivors as a Probation Offi-cer than when I worked at the crisis centre When people are not given healthy outlets for expressing their anger it can manifest in less desir-able ways
I started the ldquoWe Want to Knowrdquo project in 2003 which was partially sponsored by the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness and the now
porting one another throughout the healing process is truly a magi-cal experience The men receiving services were both grateful and angry They were grateful to be receiving services but angry these services were not available when they were younger They wondered why so many other male survivors
are not given the same opportunity to heal Seven men from group consented to having their healing journey documented during thirty weeks of group counseling Thus the book Rebuilding Your House of Self Respect Men Recovering from Childhood Sexual Abuse first edi-tion was in the works
In 2002 I accepted a position as a Probation Officer with the Ministry of Community Safety and Correc-tional Services After working with victims for over a decade I won-dered if the adjustment to working with offenders was possible It did-nrsquot take long to realize that people who offended were wounded peo-
closed Windsor Family Forum We were able to fulfill the dream of the seven courageous men from group by distributing copies of the RYHSR book to agencies throughout Can-ada
Millions of dollars are spent in Can-ada for sexual assault crisis centres and other programs for female sur-
vivors These valuable programs for women are underfunded but un-fortunately there are rarely any services specifically for men The Canadian government has known for years that 37 of sexual abuse survivors under the age of 21 are male however they do not open their hearts for male survivors and welcome them into the circle of compassion
In 2007 the Diocese of London Ontario provided funding for my business Hope amp Healing Associ-ates and the Silence to Hope (STH) project was born The Diocese in-creased their funding from $30000
(Continued on page 18)
A Circle of Compassion (uncredited photo)
Vol 2 No 2
Page 18
material to the Ministry of Commu-nity Safety and Correctional Ser-vices the Ministry of Children and Youth Services Victim Services the Ontario Provincial Police and other various other agencies Over 1500 free copies of the second edition of my book Rebuilding Your House of Self Respect Men Recovering in Group from Childhood Sexual Abuse are being distributed to sur-vivors and agencies working with male survivors Lynne MacDonell has received funding from the Arch-diocese of Toronto and is assisting male survivors in central Ontario Her Help amp Hope Project is similar
to the STH project
The STH project was fortunate to partner with Howard Fradkin of MaleSurvivor and his Weekend of Re-covery facilitation team who came to Canada in November 2008 This was quite a treat for Canadian male survivors The expertise of the Frad-kin team provided a
high-caliber experience not nor-mally available to Canadians The feedback from participants indi-cated these men felt truly blessed to be part of this experience In 2009 I hope to write a workbook for male survivors that will accom-pany the second edition of the RYHSR book Ellen Campbell and the CCAA plan to partner with the STH project and provide free cop-ies of this workbook as part of a joint education and awareness pro-gram I am presently updating a Directory of Services for Health
in 2007 to $60000 in 2008 to $75000 in 2009 Thanks to the generosity of the Diocese we are able to provide support groups information and referral services education and awareness pro-grams The Diocese not only wanted us to help males who were victimized by priests but any male survivors
In the early stages we recognized that our communities were not pro-viding a safe and supportive envi-ronment for men to step out of isolation Various agencies were con-tacting me and shared their frustra-tions about not hav-ing places to refer men who were sexu-ally abused as chil-dren It became pain-fully evident how un-educated Canadian service providers are on the needs of men and sexual abuse One of the main focuses of the STH project is our education and aware-ness program and group facilita-tion
As sad as the present situation is for male survivors we are making progress The STH project has part-nered with agencies throughout our area and two agencies from our bigger cities are providing group facilitation on a year round basis We are partnering with the Cana-dian Centre for Abuse Awareness (CCAA) and providing educational
Circle of Compassion (Continued from page 17)
Canada and the National Clearing-house on Family Violence called Combining Voices This directory lists all agencies throughout the Country that provide services to male and female survivors
ldquoCollective denialrdquo is strong throughout Canada but there is HOPE There seems to be an im-portant shift in thinking taking place Several years ago the topic of working with male survivors was not to be spoken about however people are now more receptive to exploring the needs of a much ne-glected portion of the population More men are requesting services and more group counseling oppor-tunities are presenting themselves It appears that more and more Ca-nadian agencies are starting to rec-ognize the importance of including male survivors into the circle of compassion Every time we have articles in the media more men seem to come out of isolation My biggest concerns include the lack of funding by the government If this topic is not talked about and if a safe and supportive environment for men is not created men will go back into silence and isolation This work seems to be driven from the ldquobottom uprdquo and not the ldquotop downrdquo We need good men and women to talk more openly about the needs of male survivors ldquoCollective denialrdquo thrives when good people keep silent Survivors are not living in total isolation they are fathers brothers husbands workers community members and they are valuable human beings
We are proud to join MaleSurvivor in making this world a better place
ldquorsquoCollective denialrsquo is
strong throughout
Canada but there is
HOPE There seems to
be an important shift in
thinking taking placerdquo
February 2009
Page 19
This Boyrsquos Life
By Jordan M
M y life began as any other a happy boy in a happy nuclear family It
was a time when my biggest worry was my brother threatening to tattle on me for sneaking a cookie up to bed I was young and the life I was living was exactly how it should have been carefree and devoid of the messy thoughts and situations which I would soon come to know all too well I was a boy and without trying to sound too clicheacuted I was innocent Pure
My parentsrsquo nasty divorce popped that bubble I loved my family more than anything and the di-vorce ripped us apart Mom and Dad were too busy fighting each other to notice anything that was happening with me or my siblings We were pushed aside used as bargaining tools I felt like a pawn Mom convincing us that Dad was a bad guy Dad convincing us that Mom was to blame Being the third child of five I was lost I withdrew and I stayed as far away from any sort of family situation as I could I didnrsquot know whom to trust
Time passed and things leveled and Mom married again but her taste in men had changed since Dad Her new husband seemed to hate children and he made sure that was known He was a violent man and my family and I paid the price I felt more lost than ever I was all alone in a hell that I was not prepared for Looking for some
kind of calm in this storm I started spending more time with Dad on his farm
Dad had met and moved in with another woman as well and unlike my new step-dad I liked her I thought that this could be my escape I could stay with Dad and be safe Go back to being a kid again Live that normal life I used to have
Not only did Dadrsquos new girlfriend move in so did her brother mdash my new step-uncle of sorts He was great The coolest guy Irsquod ever met We got along he played with me we watched mov-ies we went out we did everything He paid attention to me and I sud-denly felt less alone He was that person whom I could trust He was the man who would help me through all this crap at home He was the one that cared I didnrsquot just have a new step-uncle I had a new friend a new guardian someone who was there for me I latched on I bought his trick mdash hook line and sinker
The sexual abuse began and after the initial shock frankly I got used to it Although I hated it he as-sured me it was ok This is what should be happening between a 12 year old boy and 32 year old man who have a special relationship like
the one we did I believed him All I had to do was comply with his sexual desires and he would remain there for me I was willing to pay that price to keep this man in my life Somewhere in the back of my little mind I knew it was wrong but
I wouldnrsquot tell a soul It was our little secret our special relation-ship Nobody could know but us
It went on for years and for years I grew more and more dis-tant from people from myself and from the world I attempted a few times to get away but there was no where to go Either I live in an abusive hell with Mom or I cater to my step-unclersquos desires at my
Dadrsquos Which is the lesser evil
I went back and forth from house to house each time growing a little more resilient a little harder Time went on and I wasnrsquot that little boy anymore Age was on my side now and I wanted it to stop
Mom did get rid of the mistake she married after a while but soon found a new one and I promised myself that I would not stand for another day in this hell The first time this new guy laid a hand on me I gave Mom an ultimatum him or me She chose him I was gone
(Continued on page 20)
In the First Person
ldquoAlthough I hated [the
abuse] he assured me it
was ok This is what
should be happening
between a 12 year old
boy and 32 year old
man who have a special
relationship like the one
we did I believed himrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 20
been chasing me the whole time and it was catching up
The lure of the big city called me and I began spending nights and weekends in Toronto Attempting to end the emptiness I began searching for ways to fill it I got hooked on drugs became an ad-dict I became hard Mean Nothing could touch me Fear couldnrsquot stand in my way The worst had already happened I thought what I was feeling was freedom but free was the farthest thing from the truth I was trapped trapped in anger and guilt and shame
The deep desire to be taken care of continued to force its way to the surface and take on new extremes My cutting habit that I had devel-
I left home at 16 I figured that anything was better than staying where I was This was going to be a new start for me It was going to be different this time I promised myself that I would make it
I was wrong Again
Life on your own at 16 is not an easy one mdash new city no friends barely any money Schools wouldnrsquot accept me apartments wouldnrsquot let a kid occupy a unit I was alone I was really alone this time It took
time but I eventually managed a bit of a life for myself and was able to get through high school but it didnrsquot come easy My past had
This Boyrsquos Life (Continued from page 19)
oped as a young teen had ex-ploded and I began to brutally beat myself in hopes that somebody would notice maybe take me to hospital Take care of me It didnrsquot work It never worked There was only one thing that worked sex
Hustling made me feel powerful Men would pay to be with me Itrsquos all I felt I was good at seducing men And it was a power that I so badly thought I needed As bad as I was treated the glimpse of con-trol that I felt was enough to keep me going back But all I was doing was allowing myself to be abused
over and over again It just lead me further and further down
The years passed and I lost all feeling I forgot how to feel I knew
A Sliver of Light copy 2009 Timothy Andrew
February 2009
Page 21
only three emotions happiness sadness and anger And it was the anger that consumed me Anything could set me off I was a ticking time-bomb I began to wonder if any sort of normal life would ever happen for me
I was ready to give up to accept that this was what God had planned for me but somewhere inside that messed up 20 year old head of mine there was a sliver of light the same light that was there when I was a child the light that only had to worry about sneaking a cookie up to bed And I knew that that tiny glimpse of light was the real me If I could find a way to broaden its beam I would be able to peel back all the layers of abuse and discover who I really am
I searched I called crisis lines I went to free therapy sessions I attempted to try to understand why I was like I was but I kept hitting dead ends Nobody seemed to know how to help me me a male survivor
Nothing would last The little help I did receive all faded All I really got were programs and information and books and flyers Then I found Lynne MacDonells number I called her late one night She agreed to meet with me and quickly got me
into her mens group ldquoA Time for Menrdquo
The group literally saved my life For the first time I knew I wasnt alone There were other men who had been through what I had been through and they genuinely cared for me It has been over three years
now and it is still difficult Although I have put an end to the coping mecha-nisms mdash the drugs and the cutting mdash itrsquos the feelings that still manage to give me a struggle As survivors we have to sort out our insides Our guts Our feelings All that stuff was ripped out mixed up and thrown back in when we were abused We have to retrain our brains learn how to think how to feel how to trust how to love At times I feel like Irsquom an emotional infant as if my body kept
growing after my uncle abused me but my mind didnrsquot That was the main issue when I finally decided that I needed to be on the path of recovery So I focused and I began
I look forward to those two hours every Monday night because I know I can say and share anything I want and I will not be judged I am safe there I am safe to peel back those layers of abuse and discover the real me who I was really meant to be not this husk of
a human being that I had been living as for so many years
Since joining the group I have finished university got my degree I am free of drugs and self-harming I have a good job and a much healthier lifestyle and I have come out with my secret about sexual abuse
I am not ashamed of who I am anymore It is a long and tough uphill battle and it is still far from over but I know that I have plenty of people helping me fight this battle Our group is more that just a support group We are a family a brotherhood of survivors deter-mined to help each other and spread the word
It was hope That light the real memdashit was hope As survivors some-times all we have to go on is hope and that is why we need to remem-ber that there is ALWAYS hope There never needs to be a dead end That tiny sliver of light exists in all of us you just have to find it
ldquoAs survivors
sometimes all we have
to go on is hope and
that is why we need to
remember that there is
ALWAYS hope There
never needs to be a
dead end That tiny
sliver of light exists in
all of us you just have
to find itrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 22
My Story
by Bruce M
A s I start to write this article I find myself sitting in front of the house where I was
first sexually abused I donrsquot know why I am here but I am Perhaps it is my way of being in control which I certainly wasnrsquot for a very long time It was really not that long ago before I avoided this area of the city entirely mdash never mind sitting on the street in front of the home where I was sexually as-
saulted
I am now 42 years old and have a partner who supports me more than I could have ever asked for I am in love and
although I thought I loved others before now I really know what love is For many years I was so secretly dysfunctional that most people were under the impression that I had it all together but that was furthest from the truth I was a good actor
I grew up in a middle class suburb of Toronto I was the youngest of three kids I was diagnosed with ADD and was given Ritalin to ldquosettle me downrdquo I think that Ritalin was an easy out for my parents I needed more one on one interac-tion and understanding rather than a drug regimen which suited their
needs I clearly remember my pe-diatrician back then coaching my parents on what I needed mdash and many of his recommendations went ignored In their minds it seemed that all I needed was Ritalin
I had very few true friends Most people found my hyperactivity to be too much My mother was a practicing alcoholic (thankfully sober for about 28 years now) and my father was nothing short of physically abusive mdash mainly to my sister and me but also to my brother from what I understand My father had out-bursts of rage during which he would beat me with a dog leash and his fist Once he shoved my head down a toilet and told me that is where I belonged I donrsquot know if many people could appreciate how horrible it was to be told that As long as I live I will never for-get how I felt when he said that
When I was 12 years old I was enrolled in basketball That year I excelled and my team ended up winning the champion-ship This was a great confidence boost that I really needed I had finally found something that I was good at The second year was not so great My assistant basketball
coach was a sexual predator who saw a shy and troubled boy in me and decided that he would look after his own needs This guy was a medical doctor so he knew what he was doing and started what I now understand was a very intense grooming process He talked to me about my hyperactivity my motherrsquos alcoholism and my fatherrsquos abuse As I remember back he brought these things up often while he was getting to know me
After a period of time he invited me to his home one day on the pretence of my coming over to rake leaves Once there he invited me to his basement where he
Moving On
Bruce M
Bruce M during the time of his abuse
February 2009
Page 23
matum He said that if I would not come to his house we could no longer be friends I donrsquot know how I did it but I decided that I did not want to go to his house and that was the end of that I now know that he went on to find an-other victim
For nearly the next two decades I struggled with life To add insult to injury I knew that I was a gay male and after the abuse I figured that this was what a gay relation-ship was like and I didnrsquot want it I lacked direction with almost everything I did For a while I was practically homeless because I was staying with one friend after another putting myself in situations where I could be abused again and again I was con-stantly haunted with
guilt because I was sure that the man who abused me was abusing other boys
Finally one day I came forward and told the police about my abuse They charged this man and I quickly learned that this perpetra-tor was one of the nastiest that I have come across to this day He had deep pockets and fought ruthlessly I was followed by private investigators my friends were approached by private investigators
made it clear that his gentle kind supportive ways would have a cost to me I remember hating the experience This disgusting smelling man was more than repulsive Would you believe that I went back Well I did Most other vic-tims of sexual abuse will under-
stand why better than those who have not been there I wanted to be cared for and listened to so badly that for a while I just put up with the abuse This guy came to my school at lunch and let me drive his car around the back streets I was too young and imma-ture to realize that this was not a kind gesture but more grooming that would give him access to what he wanted Eventually he got an-noyed that I would avoid going to his house so he gave me an ulti-
for interviews and he hired some of Canadarsquos best attorneys to get him out of his charges When I went to court to testify at a prelimi-nary trial he had people there to threaten me in the halls of the court and the bathrooms The criminal case went on and on and eventually to the Supreme Court of Canada for a ruling about my con-sent All in all it has been a very intense process which went on so long that the case was thrown out because of delay He is still not out of hot water because the College of Physicians and Surgeons went after him and I had to testify at that hearing too which is still going on to this day
Last fall I completed my third Weekend of Recovery and al-though I have been in private ther-apy for close to four years and have been a part of a menrsquos group in Toronto nothing compares to the results that I achieved from attending the Weekends of Recov-ery The weekend program and the connections that I made with other guys and therapists have been instrumental in giving me a push forward allowing me to have some happiness and a meaningful rela-tionship which I was never able to have before
Life is not perfect but I can tell you that it is so much better than it was a few years ago and it is getting better all the time
Bruce M during the time of his abuse
Vol 2 No 2
Page 24
nor injury well that was his cue He took me into a medical room and closed the door He examined my knee and soon the subject changed That was the first time that I was sexually assaulted
Over the years this repulsive man be-came my coach in both hockey and baseball He was a central figure at the arena and the base-ball diamond He was the one involved in all the fundraisers and came to be known as ldquothe guy who would do any-thing for the kidsrdquo Most of the parents loved him mdash but not mine He drank with parents partied with them all while he ldquotook carerdquo of us kids
The first time I was abused at the arena I told someone older than I I did so again when I was 15 What was I to do Neither time did the adults take appropriate action and you guessed it everything was swept under the carpet So I did the only thing I knew how to do mdash I stuffed it
Growing up was a difficult time for me because of the abuse and the fact that I suffered with ADHD and anxiety (undiagnosed at the time) My sisters did well in school how-ever I didnrsquot I would work my tail off get a ldquoCrdquo and then would be told to work harder or asked if I
A Victim No More
by Glenn Allan
M y name is Glenn Allan and I grew up in Stoney Creek Ontario Canada
By all rights I should have been dead years ago I am a recovering alcoholic and cocaine addict and I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse I donrsquot want my story to become an ldquoabuse or addiction-aloguerdquo so I wonrsquot get into graphic details or talk about every abusive situation
Please keep an open mind as this is my story
I was wel-comed into a loving yet dysfunctional family in February of 1964 I have four sisters
nine nieces and nephews two great-nieces and one great-nephew My story begins around the age of seven I loved skating and playing hockey I was always told ldquoYoursquove gotta practice to get betterrdquo and so I did I would play as much ice and road hockey as I could and my sis-ters would take me public skating It was at public skating that my abuser first spotted me and as-saulted me I fell during one of those skating sessions and hurt my knee My abuser was a skating monitor that day and when I needed medical attention for a mi-
were dumb My frustrations grew mdash if only they knew that there was a hurting little boy inside But I was a boy who was too afraid to say that he hurt or to cry mdash because ldquobig boys donrsquot cryrdquo I would get teased at home about being stupid or
asked ldquoWhy donrsquot you try harderrdquo
I couldnrsquot defend my-self verbally with my parents because that would have been ldquotalking backrdquo There were times when I would be so angry at them for picking on me for little things and I would think to myself ldquoYou are yell-ing at me for this while he (the abuser) is doing that to merdquo
Talk about frustration and built up rage I was a walking volcano I would fight all the time whether it was at school playing hockey or baseball it really didnrsquot matter why mdash all I knew was I was MAD
Over the years I slowly lost my self-esteem and self-worth I wanted to be anybody but me I idolized ath-letes like Bobby Orr Bobby Clarke and Pete Rose because of their dedication and work ethic Being a class clown I loved comedians (Steve Martin Richard Pryor Robin Williams Johnny Carson) and the entertainer in me loved singers (Elvis) and wanted so badly to be them Then maybe people would like me because there was abso-lutely no way anyone could really
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Glenn Allan
ldquoMy frustrations grewmdash
if only they knew that
there was a hurting little
boy inside But I was a
boy who was too afraid
to say that he hurt or to
crymdashbecause lsquobig boys
donrsquot cryrsquordquo
February 2009
Page 25
like or love me with the things my abuser had made me do
Because of the trauma of being abused I wet the bed until I was about 12 years of age which drained any remaining self-worth or self-esteem that I had left I was so embarrassed And then I had to tolerate ridiculous comments from people saying things like ldquoYou know that you are going to have to stop thisrdquo and ldquoYou are getting too old for thisrdquo No kidding really Did they think that I liked waking up in my own urine Did they not think that I wanted to stop Did they have any idea how their words hurt me Man oh man it was like that all the time They just didnrsquot think before they spoke
Frustrated and over-whelmed in my teens I finally found the ldquofriendrdquo that I had been looking for mdash first name ldquoALrdquo last name ldquoCOHOLrdquo I would be-come a whole new person when I drank booze and how I drank I found a brand new confidence I was somewhat funny when I drank dur-ing the early years of drinking however over time I became de-pressed and extremely angry I would fight in bars on a regular basis Then in December of 1987 I was stabbed outside a bar and nearly died Now you would think that being stabbed and nearly dy-ing would prompt a lifestyle
change or at the very least cause me to take a personal inventory of my situation and myself But not me I wore it as a badge of honour allowing the insanity to continue
It is said that if the drugs and alco-hol donrsquot kill you the lifestyle will During this time and over the years I was introduced to many criminals Their crimes ranged from murder assaults extortion and drug dealing to running massage parlours and prostitution mdash to just name a few One of my acquaint-ances was even a hired killer He
actually assassinated two reputed crime bosses in Ontario and is now serving a lengthy sentence for those and other killings
But I was drawn to their so-called power and complete disregard for the law Looking back on it I guess I was looking to reclaim the power
that was stolen from me by my abuser
In my early twenties I got a job working with Young Offenders as a Correctional Officer With the money I was making I bought a very nice sports car dated pretty women was extremely materialistic and yet I was never satisfied I worked in corrections for about four years During that time I also began my career in the world of entertainment as a voice impres-sionist and stand-up comedian as well as a co-host of a comedy tele-
vision show I had a tremendous ego and unknowingly had be-come rdquoThe Great I Amrdquo
After a couple of years I moved from comedy to producing and host-ing my own sports television program which aired for ten years I had so much fun and I was able to meet and interview some of sportsrsquo big-gest names
In my mid-20s when the alcohol wasnrsquot medicating my pain any longer I turned to
something stronger mdash COCAINE During a span of approximately ten years the combination of alcohol cocaine and all my poor choices cost me most of my jobs many of my relationships and all my money It drove me to criminal activity po-lice charges a conviction and a criminal record But most of all I
(Continued on page 26)
Alone Uncredited Photo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 26
was lost Glenn was slowly dying inside me I became depressed and despondent and I hated so many people But most of all I hated my-self
I had attempted suicide on a few occasions and I really and truly had a death wish I hated myself so much that on Friday January 16 1998 loaded with a supply of co-caine and booze I booked myself into a hotel room with no intention of coming out alive Friday night and Saturday passed with me drinking and getting high on co-caine After having more cocaine delivered to me on Sunday after-noon there was no turning back mdash or so I thought Approximately at midnight on Sunday I made my final decision mdash it was time for me to leave this stinking world I ingested enough cocaine to kill me and then I barricaded my hotel door and ripped the phone out of the wall I lay down on the bed defeated broken sad guilt-ridden ashamed depressed and scared yet so ready to die
Only Divine Intervention mdash some sort of miracle mdash can explain what hap-pened next The police came into my hotel room at just the right time on Sunday night and took me to the hospital Who called them how did they know to come to my room I donrsquot know Well thatrsquos not completely true Today I am a man of faith and as a Christian I know exactly who orchestrated my rescue
A Victim No More (Continued from page 25)
After a brief stay in the hospital I chose to enter the Hamilton Menrsquos Withdrawal Management Centre where I spent eleven days From there I entered an intensive addic-tion treatment centre for a six-week stay followed by a five and one half month stay at a recovery house
I have been clean and sober since Janu-ary 19 1998
I work the program of recovery intensely I was blessed with some incredible therapists who were able to break through my trust issues my rough exterior and my wall of comedy to allow me to heal I also became involved in the 12-Steps and other support groups through which I have found tremendous friendships and men-toring
Recovery is about making changes Al-though my abuser assaulted me until I was 15 years old I blamed him for all of my problems until I was 33 years old I had to change from being a pro-fessional blamer and liar to a man of responsibility character and in-tegrity It wasnrsquot easy however after many tears and lots of hard work life has gotten much better
Over time and through applying these principles I found peace se-renity and forgiveness and I also
learned how to love myself again Everything that was set in motion to harm me as a young man is now what drives me With Godrsquos help today I am able to live humbly honestly open-minded and willing to do whatever it takes to stay clean and sober while doing what I can to help others who face similar
struggles
Today I serve the Ca-nadian Centre for Abuse Awareness as the Director of the Southwestern Ontario office My mission at hand is to create a task force that will be responsible for build-ing a residential pro-gram for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
I am also the Execu-tive Producer and Host of three popular television programs Good News Sports The Edge and Living Clean Living Clean is the only live weekly interactive television program in Canada
that is designed to assist individu-als who suffer with addiction abuse andor mental illnesses
I also host The Glenn Allan Show on a local radio station in Hamil-ton ON Canada
As a motivational speaker my pres-entation entitled Youth Yak Live has enabled me to speak to thou-sands of youth nationwide since 2000 Through Youth Yak Live I
ldquoRecovery is about
making changes
Although my abuser
assaulted me until I was
15 years old I blamed
him for all of my
problems until I was 33
years old I had to
change from being a
professional blamer and
liar to a man of
responsibility character
and integrity
February 2009
Page 27
Male Survivor Groups (MSG)
By Robert Beacuterubeacute Co-founder MSG
M ale Survivor Groups (MSG) was created by a group of male survivors
of childhood sexual abuse follow-ing the death of a fellow survi-vor in Lon-don Ontario Canada The initial objec-tives were to foster cama-raderie and support for one another and also to obtain proper help
for survivors in the London area
Presently our aim is to help all male survivors and also to make our cause known It is open to all male survivors of childhood ado-lescent and adult abuse We have expanded and have supported the creation of groups across Canada and we are prepared to support the creation of groups throughout the World
Groups have been established in London Vancouver Sudbury and North Bay in Canada
Our beliefs
1 Our groups are for male survi-vors of abuse What is said in the group remains there What is stated must remain confiden-
have developed tremendous work-ing relationships with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police Ontario Provincial Police Crime Stoppers local police agencies young of-fender facilities churches self-help groups and alcohol and drug treatment centres
I also facilitate a weekly peer sup-port group for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
There was a time when I thought I would never get married and that no one could love me for who I am Colleen and I met in 1999 We both have similar pasts We both have worked through our abuse issues and are both clean and so-ber In 2001 my best friend and I married and we now have three beautiful children Ashley Brandon and Christopher Spending the rest of my life with Colleen and our family is a dream come true
The opportunity of sharing Godrsquos gifts and blessings with others is truly an honour and a privilege It is imperative that I never take these things for granted
If I can assist you or someone dear to you please donrsquot hesitate to contact me at the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness Ph 905-594-1581 or email glennccfaacom or visit these websites
wwwabusehurtscom wwwlivingcleanca wwwglennallanca
or write to me co CCAA 38 King St East PO Box 66614 Stoney Creek ON L8G 5E5
(Continued from page 26)
tial Anonymity is of the utmost importance unless the survivor has gone public But intimate details of the public person must also remain confidential Confidentiality must be assured
2 We are in the group to heal and to support each other
3 We are male survivors who want to heal and help others in the process We can be as young as 16 or as old as old can be
4 Our primary purpose is our own safe being Secondary purposes are the betterment of services for male survivors and the advancement of our cause
5 We fight on so that we may grow in solidarity
6 We are not a religious group We do use different models of functioning in our different sub-groups Ours is a healing group for more than one prob-lematic issue
7 We encourage partnerships with organisations businesses and agencies that foster the creation of services for male survivors of abuse
We have created a Facebook Group which is also open to FRIENDS who support our cause Our group is establishing partnerships with other male survivor groups in Canada and worldwide You can contact us through the Facebook page or by emailing me at berube55yahooca
Support Groups
Robert Beacuterubeacute
Vol 2 No 2
Page 28
The CCAA By Ellen Campbell [ellenccfaacom]
Founder and Executive Director Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness
A s some of you know the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness (CCAA) is a
national non-government charitable organization dedicated to eliminat-ing child abuse through advocacy education public awareness and prevention programs With help from community and corporate partners the CCAA provides accessible support healing and indi-vidual empowerment for adult survivors their fami-lies and caregivers through over 20 programs Those that listen to classic rock station Q107 in the To-ronto region will recognize us as their charity of choice through Derringerrsquos Thir-teen Days of Christmas campaign
Based in Newmarket On-tario the CCAA is an active and vibrant organization that in addition to its variety of program offer-ings is also involved in public safety advocacy That advo-cacy started with the early release from prison of one of the perpetra-tors in the Maple Leaf Gardensrsquo child sex abuse scandal Many surviving victims were traumatized again this time by the system The
CCAA went public with its concerns that day and the public safety advocacy program was born
Later the CCAA wrote a sweeping report titled Martinrsquos Hope named in memory of Martin Kruze (the first victim to courageously go public with the story of his abuse at the Gardens and who later tragi-cally took his own life) that made 60 recommendations for legislative and policy change to the criminal justice system These recommenda-tions were gleaned from round-
table discussions with over 150 front-line criminal justice system professionals crime victims and survivors To this day members of the Kruze family sit on the CCAA Board of Directors
After the initial public release of the Martinrsquos Hope report in the fall of 2003 I knew that if repairs were to be made to the criminal justice system advocacy would have to be accelerated That advocacy began in earnest in early 2006 with the hiring of John Muise a volunteer with the CCAA and previously a Toronto police officer with signifi-cant experience in legislative and policy advocacy The hire coincided with new political winds blowing in Ottawa The CCAArsquos full-time public
safety program was born
Relationships already in existence were strength-ened new ones were made and the CCAA intensified its advocacy with politi-cians stakeholders and other decision makers In addition the CCAA courted media attention recogniz-ing the opportunity to get our message out
That advocacy included the preparation of written briefs in support of testi-mony before a number of decision making bodies including several appear-ances before the House of Commons Justice Commit-tee
ADVOCACY REWARDED The last three years have brought success on a number of fronts Progress on the criminal justice reform front is rarely if ever the result of one person or just one organization advocating for
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoMartinrsquos Hoperdquo in Memory of Martin Arnold Kruze From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 29
government Although there are specific circumstances under which the age of consent is 16 (or 18) the general age of consent remained at 14 For many in the child protection
world this has been a shame of what is otherwise a devel-oped and civilized land The fight is finally over with the passage and Royal Assent of this legisla-tion in July of 2008 This is a victory for the many people that fought the good fight and most importantly this law allows prose-cution of those adult predators who choose to sexually exploit 14
and 15 year old children
Review of federal corrections policy
In 2007 the federal government ordered an independent review of the federal corrections and parole system The CCAA attended the announcement of that review and subsequently appeared before the review team and provided detailed written recommendations for change The final report included a number of recommendations that the CCAA provided including those contained in Martinrsquos Hope A rollout of some report recommen-dations has already started includ-ing a pilot project for the use of electronic monitoring on serious and violent offenders who are on parole in communities
(Continued on page 30)
Dangerous offenders Having someone declared a dan-gerous offender is very difficult to do In fact there are fewer then 400 declared dangerous offenders in the country This amendment makes it easier to bring a dangerous offender application for a serious repeat con-victed offender before the court The end result should be we hope the detection and declaration of more dangerous offenders Dangerous offender designation is for life and results in indefinite lock-up of the offender with periodic judicial reviews
Community protection orders
Also known as ldquoSection 810rdquo orders they allow the state to monitor the activities of certain subjects mdash no longer under some form of sen-tence or other judicial release but still considered a danger mdash to be placed on a judicial order similar to a bail with control and monitoring conditions The legislation explicitly expands the controls that can be usedmdashfor example electronic moni-toringmdashand extends the length of the order from one year to two
Age of protection For longer than people care to remember advocates have fought to raise the general age of consent from 14 to 16 years of age Until recently those voices have been largely ignored by the federal
change but no one can deny the important roll played by the CCAA in advancing these reforms These are all original recommendations contained in the Martinrsquos Hope report The results as they say speak for themselves and include but are not limited to the follow-ing
Mandatory minimum sentences for Internet chi ld abuse offences
Over time courts have increasingly relied on so called ldquohouse arrestrdquo provisions (see section immediately below) when sentencing offenders found guilty of Internet child abuse and similar kinds of serious child exploitation offences The sen-tences were often way out of pro-portion to the gravity of the crimes Minimum sentences were legislated for a variety of crimes with the net effect of eliminating the ability of the court to impose ldquohouse arrestrdquo
Conditional sentences of imprisonment
Better known as ldquohouse arrestrdquo this measure brought in over a decade ago was being imposed by the courts for ever more serious of-fenders and offences Many violent and dangerous offenders were allowed to serve their term of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo at home Justice and public safety were compro-mised by this provision Although the Bill that finally passed was watered down significantly by opposition party demands the end result was a tightening of the cir-cumstances under which a sen-tence of this kind could be given
ldquoAfter the initial public
release of the Martinrsquos
Hope report in the fall
of 2003 I knew that if
repairs were to be made
to the criminal justice
system advocacy would
have to be acceleratedrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 30
munity committees and inquiries including the Federal Inquiry pre-sided over by Justice Major into the Air India bombing
Moving forward We are delighted to report that John Muise our Director of Public Safety has recently received a Governor-in-council appointment as a full-time member of the Na-tional Parole Board effective in May of 2009 Although this is a big loss
for the CCAA we are thrilled for John and we know that he will bring the same com-mitment to public safety in that position as he did with the CCAA We wish him the very best in this new and challenging role
Much progress has been made in the past three years with
more anticipated The federal gov-ernment has signaled its intention to finish the work it started and attempt a further repeal of condi-tional sentences of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo They have also said that they in-tend on amending certain aspects of parole legislation and moving on tightening up security (including drug interdiction) in federal prisons
As we kick off 2009 the CCAA has the following priorities
Enhanced training for law enforcement off icers involved in chi ld abuse
investigations The introduction of provincial ldquosafe havenrdquo legislation that would pro-
vide a distressed mother who has given birth (within 72 hours) to take her baby to a place of safety (for example fire station police station hospital emergency) no questions asked and drop the baby off The purpose is to avoid the unthinkable mdash dumpster aban-donment murder at birth This legislation exists in all 50 of the United States but has yet to to be introduced in this country
Parole reform In addition the CCAA will work with partners on two parole and corrections recommendations They include legislating breach of parole as an offence for which a police officer has a power of arrest Com-plimentary to this the replacement of statutory release (automatic release after serving two thirds of a sentence) with regular earned parole Both recommendations were included in the final report of the Corrections Review Team and had been provided with others by the CCAA
We at the CCAA believe that much has been done on the criminal justice reform and public awareness front We are grateful for the pro-gress thus far and proud of the part we have played in moving the public safety agenda along
There is still much work to be done and the CCAA will step up to carry on this most important work
Selection of judges In recognition of the importance of the justice selection process the federal government has recently expanded the scope of people selected to sit on the regional Judicial Advisory Committees tasked with vetting potential ap-pointments and providing recom-mendations to the federal Attorney General and Minister of Justice for final selection Although still dominated by judges and lawyers a wider variety of voices and minds is now part of the selection proc-ess This is welcome news I am one of those voices I sit on one of the regional committees itrsquos an appointment we can all be proud of
Gun crime and other victim focused matters
Although outside the specific man-date of the CCAA (and not included in the Martinrsquos Hope report) in recognition of the impact on com-munities and particularly at risk children and youth the CCAA also appeared before the House of Commons Committee in support of mandatory minimum sentences for serious gun crimes and for amend-ments that tighten up the bail system for those charged with serious gun-related offences
In addition several crime victim supportive briefs were prepared for a number of safe school and com-
The CCAA (Continued from page 29)
ldquoWe at the CCAA hellip are
grateful for the progress
thus far and proud of
the part we have played
in moving the public
safety agenda alongrdquo
February 2009
Page 31
higher than its current statistical significance would suggest I would suggest itrsquos about one in four of the men I deal with 25 compared to the 16 suggested in the cur-rent literature If you allow for the fact that many of the men I work with have come from dysfunctional families that have been dysfunc-tional for generations the higher rate of incidence will hardly be surprising
I really had no idea when I started this job that I would have a head-
on collision with CSA No idea at all I was in my pre-survivor life My own past experi-ences were like a dormant volcano Sure some smoke would puff out every now and then for no readily apparent rea-son but no major eruption But as I heard more and more stories told by men in their own abyss of despair and self loath-ing things started to bubble within me
I remember the first man who disclosed to me He did not really intend to He started to tell part of a story and I just knew I just knew What he did say was part of an institutional abuse situa-tion that gained public awareness in the media After that story broke many men came forward as well to tell their story of how they too were abused as boys in a school
Inside
By Geeders (Jim)
W hen I was first asked to write about my experi-ences working in a jail I
wasnrsquot really sure what I could say about it Can I say this or should I say that Was it going to be really negative or show promise of better days ahead And what about me mdashthe new me mdash dealing with issues of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) at the same time as the men I see and work with How the hell was (or is) that going to work Well it is a work in progress after all and one that seems to evolve as I change and as I become more comfortable with my own sense of a new self
Let me begin by saying that there is nothing in this article that would meet the rigours of clinical dissection Equally important I do not work with sexual offenders What I am going to say is purely my experience based on personal observation No scientific analysis can be attributed to it apart from what we already know or suspect One in six men will have been sexually assaulted or abused by the time they are 18 It has long been opined that the number of abused men is actually
setting that was really a cover for juveniles in trouble with the law
The inmate I was working with did not come forward at that time He couldnrsquot His disclosure to me was the first time he had ever said anything about his abuse No one else knew mdash no one He was alone His pain was palpable and obvious His shame and guilt were profound Never had he admitted to himself what had happened in that school let alone admitted to a total stranger until that very moment I listened to his pain tried to console him just let him cry Eventually over the course of a couple of interviews it became obvious to me why he was in jail Any self-esteem that he had as a boy or young man was destroyed by his abuse His very essence was rewritten by the men who had abused him Teens get into trouble but they can also learn to later stay out of it by fol-lowing the teachings of those they trust But for this young man his ability to trust was destroyed by the very people who were sup-posed to care for him nurture him and dare I say it love him appro-priately What was even more tragic is that this man came from a cul-ture that has low tolerance for anything that even remotely resem-bles homosexuality
Being abused sent this man on a downward spiral that ultimately turned him into a drug addict by his own admission a junkie who hated himself for what ldquohe had
(Continued on page 32)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoOver the course of
several related careers I
have seen a lot of good
being done Irsquove also
seen a lot of ugliness
that even by todayrsquos
standards defies the
most common
sensibilities we have as
human beingsldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 32
donerdquo His shame and guilt and culture prevented him saying any-thing about what happened It cut him off from any legal action that might take place and removed any sort of financial compensation that he might gain as a result of his abuse It eventually cut him off from his own family because his drug abuse prevented him from working and supporting his wife and family It destroyed his ability to be a good dad and husband A few years later I saw him back in jail again
When I did encounter him again it was with an in-creased sense of awareness within me Every time a man disclosed to me that he had been sexually abused or assaulted I started to die inside A little piece of me just died every time a man said to me what I could not say to myself or anyone else That dormant volcano started to fume a bit more regularly
Over the course of several related careers I have seen a lot of good being done Irsquove also seen a lot of ugliness that even by todayrsquos standards defies the most common sensibilities we have as human beings It exists Itrsquos around every corner if we choose to look at it Along with the ugly we have the good We have people who are willing to take a stand and come forward to say to the world ldquoWe
Inside (Continued from page 31)
have a problem here itrsquos not going to go away and it needs to be fixedrdquo I had the good fortune to meet many of these people last year at a conference on male sex-ual victimization By then I had been able to learn from the men that I serve that perhaps I too could learn to tell someone Could I be a survivor too
Men in jail are there for a reason Whether itrsquos to protect society while they await trial or from
themselves or while sentenced they are here Whether I think they should be here is irrelevant They are usually at the end of their ropes Their lives are upside down and in turmoil They are frequently in withdrawal from illicit drug use They are in the bottom of a pit from which there does not appear to be an escape or refuge They are desperate and will act desperately
if needed They are angry and no longer have any control over their lives Someone has taken that control away from them They have no choice but to comply Failure to comply results in loss of privileges which can include being prohibited from contact with those they love the most Forced co-habitation with other men can evoke strong memories of prior abuse which they cannot deal with let alone understand It can be isolation
They are alone and cannot speak about their issues for fear of being discovered and further stigmatized and trau-matized by a peer group that cannot tolerate differences or diversity
I have been fortunate in that for some reason men trust me and feel safe and able to disclose And when they do you can see the relief on their faces They are scared for sure but it has always seemed to be a relief I have to ask them I have no choice because itrsquos part of my job But now as a survivor myself I can tell them they are not alone I cannot tell them about me but I can tell them they are not alone that they
are among the approximately one in six men who are assaulted or abused when they are boys or young men I can tell them about the few resources we have avail-able for men which are a 100 improvement compared to what they had when they first walked into my office I tell them about MaleSurvivor and have MS posters up in my office I can tell them that
ldquoTougher than lsquoNamrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 33
Maybe not I prefer to think that I have shown them that there is hope There is life in being a survi-vor they donrsquot have to be held hostage any longer by a secret that was put upon them by an abuser I prefer to think that I have been able to show them that they do not have to be ashamed for being male When I speak with them Irsquom a straight shooter I calls rsquoem as I sees lsquoem I use words they can understand mdash street language mdash which helps them understand their bodies and to understand that Mother Nature made them to be reactive and responsive I tell them that simply because their bodies reacted that their bodies re-sponded while being abused did not make the abuse their fault It takes a while to get there at times But the relief when the penny drops and they realize that they themselves were in no way respon-sible for the abuse is quite remark-able
Just this week Irsquove been working with a man who actually smiled when he came into my office He said ldquoI finally get it It wasnrsquot my faultrdquo He then went on to tell me that immediately prior to his at-tending in my office he had just disclosed to his sister while on the phone in his jail area surrounded by other inmates While it was perhaps not the safest venue for a disclosure he made his own deci-sion He said he was taking control As a 35 year old this man has not been in control since he was first abused at age seven Subsequent abuse only reinforced for him that he was an object a thing not worth anything Relationship after relationship failed him as he con-tinued to relive issues of abandon-
there are over 6000 people regis-tered at MS and that when they get out they will find tremendous support at the MS website I can tell them about Weekends of Re-covery without disclosing that attending a WOR was one of the best things I have done with my life They will know that they are no longer alone And not once has anyone asked me directly about me If they did I could not reply which in a round about way is a reply But I cannot reply Why The institution that I work in can be as intolerant of differences and diver-sity as the inmates are of each other The whole notion of male abuse and assault simply does not exist It is not spoken of It will not be spoken of mdash until now
Because abuse is now spoken of I have been able to create a support network for inmates and for myself Itrsquos a small step but a step never-theless Itrsquos spoken of now at a level never before reached in terms of official support and direction Support has yet to be defined but I have a mandate now to do a better job for male survivors Itrsquos on paper Itrsquos my goal
Safety of all concerned has to remain first and foremost mdash safety for the inmate safety for me With inmates disclosing to me often for the first time I am struck by what happens next A huge can of worms is opened And for what There is little safety here little opportunity to follow up The court system tosses these men around like dice One day they are here the next they are God knows where Have I done something that perhaps I shouldnrsquot have Maybe
ment physical and sexual abuse sexual orientation confusion anger management substance abuse domestic violence self respect low self esteem boundaries mdash these and much more impact upon this man daily But hersquos making a start Itrsquos another chance We all need them
I would be remiss to not mention the support of my colleagues Some of them do know about me and they have been tremendously supportive and understanding They too share a belief that it is possible for men to become survivors I cannot imagine doing this work everyday without their ongoing support I love you guys
The resources I refer to are few the Menrsquos Project in Ottawa The Gate-house in Toronto as well as local sexual assault centres I discovered on my own road to recovery that our local sexual assault centre does in fact offer services to men but does not advertise this due to the fear of being inundated with refer-rals They simply are not equipped to handle what surely lies out in my community When the report of the Cornwall Inquiry comes out later this year it is my belief that it will force our government our society to re-examine how its treatment of boys and men is provided Hope-fully those who are like I was feeling alone fearful uncomfortable in their own skin will feel more enabled to come forward to shed that skin that was put on them by their abuser(s) and step out of the ordinary letting their souls ascend and become free
Vol 2 No 2
Page 34
A History of Male Survi-vor Services in Queacutebec
and First Nations Communities
By Caroline Benamza (dance and drama therapistpsychotherapist at CRIPHASE)
And by Benoicirct St Jean (Director of CRIPHASE)
Contact Tel +1-514-529-55-67 Email infocriphaseorg
Website wwwcriphaseorg
T he latest statistics in Queacutebec show that one out of every six men has been sexually
abused before the age of 18 but there are very few statistics regard-ing male survivors and this estima-tion is only based on reported abuse Most adult men or boys who are survivors go unnoticed because most of the services in Queacutebec are exclusively for women In 2008 the male population in Queacutebec was about 3800000 of which about 3000000 are above 20 years of age (from the Institut de la Statistique) Therefore we can estimate that in Queacutebec there are around 500000 male survivors actually visible within the different health care services justice system and police departments The num-ber is already frightening for a seemingly peaceful society like Queacutebec When it comes to Native American communities as many as 80 of boys have been sexually abused before the age of 18 This number is quite similar mdash but for different reasons mdash to the male population within the Federal or Provincial prisons
The reality of male survivors of sexual abuse in childhood has remained in the dark for years in Queacutebec and it is only in the last four years that the government has acknowledged the necessity of funding counseling services for male survivors Historically it can be explained The first services for survivors have been developed since the 1960s within the very strong Queacutebeacutecois feminist move-ments The women have built along the years a strong network of ser-vices for female vic-tims of sexual abuse and domestic vio-lence Today these services still exist as the CALACS (Centres dAide et de Lutte contre les Agressions agrave Caractegravere Sexuel = Sexual Assault Cen-tres) network for survivors of sexual abuse Due to a strong belief in pro-viding a safe haven for women survivors men were turned away from these services and had nowhere to go Only two survivorsrsquo centres in the Montreal area outside the CALACS network welcomed men but those men represent only 5 of clients
This situation became obvious when the CAVAC (Centre drsquoAide pour les Victime drsquoActes Criminels = Crime Victims Assistance Centres) started to provide counseling ser-
vices to victims of criminal acts who wished to press charges and go through a court procedure The first services in Queacutebec for male survivors therefore came from a strong need in the society In 1996 the CAVAC decided to fund an experimental program directed by Denis Reneacute to offer a support group for male survivors This program was named the PHASE Groups (Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = For Men Sexually Abused in Child-
hood) With the suc-cess of these first groups between 1996 and 1997 the CAVAC of Montreal tried to secure funding for the continuation of services Unfortu-nately the PHASE Groups suffered from the double status it carried within the government the Minister of Justice that was the main funder of the CAVAC refused to fund a counseling service supposedly to be funded by the Health Minister Later the Health Minister turned down the
funding because as part of CAVAC the program should have been funded by the Minister of Justice
So it was in 1997 that Denis Reneacute decided to secure the future of the PHASE Groups by registering them
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoWhen it comes to
Native American
communities as many
as 80 of boys have
been sexually abused
before the age of 18
This number is quite
similarmdashbut for different
reasonsmdashto the male
population within the
Federal or Provincial
prisonsrdquo
February 2009
Page 35
intimacy and sexuality issues) and PHASE Artistique (a 10 weeks art and movement therapy program) with a holistic approach to body and mind recovery
In 2008 the very first weekend of recovery (named PHASE Weekend) was created and CRIPHASE wishes to make the weekend an annual event In 2003 for the first time
CRIPHASE became a full member of the Table de Concertation en Agressions Sexuelles (a gathering of several organizations providing services to survivors in addition to representatives from the Justice the Health Minister and the police) This cooperation allows a better understanding of survivor issues and needs as well as a better coor-
within a non-profit organization that took the name CRIPHASE (Centre de Resources et drsquointervention Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = Resource and Intervention Centre for Men who have been Sexually Abused in Childhood) For 10 years the Groups have survived on pri-vate funding and have provided two recovery Groups called PHASE 1 and PHASE 2 Each PHASE is a 10-week program serving non-offending male survivors over 18 years of age and of all sexual orienta-tions With its first public funding in 2004 of $38000 a director was en-gaged by the board of administration and in 2008 the PSOC (a funding body within the agency of Health and Social Services) fi-nally secured the future of CRIPHASE with a first major funding rooting CRIPHASE in the circle of sexual abuse survivors centres
Since 2006 CRIPHASE has devel-oped a major politics of visibility through the media conferences and meetings with the different actors of the Queacutebeacutecois stage Three more programs have been developed within CRIPHASE PHASE Conjoint (for partners of male survivors) PHASE Sexo (a 10 weeks program of recovery focusing on
dination of services on the ground From within the Table CRIPHASE has been able to educate people on the issue of male survivors and participate or initiate projects such as the Information Guide for Sexual Assault Victims and the first pre-vention mobilization and aware-ness march for sexual abuse survi-vors in 2008 The presence of CRIPHASE at the Table has also
allowed the feminists within the CALACS to have a better under-standing of the suffer-ing of male survivors who are also victims in their own way of an old patriarchal system CRIPHASE was also finally incorporated in the CALACS coordina-tion groupmdashcalled Table des CALACS mdash in 2008
Until 2008 there were no services provided in English (Queacutebec is a French-speaking province where Eng-lish speakers are a minority) due to lack of funding to translate the PHASE 1 docu-ments and employ English-speaking therapists The project
to offer groups in English had been put aside for years but finally in 2008 the first groups of PHASE 1 and 2 opened for English speakers The PHASE Artistique and PHASE Weekend are now bilingual pro-grams
(Continued on page 36)
Phone calls received at CRIPHASE
male survivors
therapists
relatives and loved ones
other
The average male survivor using the services at CRIPHASE is aged between 35 and 55
Vol 2 No 2
Page 36
Male survivors in the Native American
communities Recovery programs within Native American communities are only starting Many Native American men were sexually abused as well as psychologically and emotionally abused when they were sent to boarding schools across the province for assimila-tion The effects of this traumatic experience (including historic trauma) can be seen in all First Nations of Queacutebec Algonquians Cris Innus Abenakis Innuits Micmacs and so forth Today there is a strong need of heal-ing for this lost gen-eration but traumatic experiences and con-sequences have been passed on to the next generations Unfortu-nately sexual abuse is one of these problems which need to be addressed through prevention and coun-seling in a way that will integrate Native American traditions and their holistic ap-proach to medicine Such programs already exist within some communi-ties Organizations like GRIPMA (Groupe de Recherches et dInter-ventions Psychosociales en Milieu Autochtone = Research and Inter-vention group in Aboriginal Com-munities) located in the Huron
History of Male Survivor Services (Continued from page 35)
community of Wendake (near Queacute-bec city) provide a clinical expertise in intervention within Native Ameri-can communities On the other side the Aboriginal Healing Foun-dation based in Ottawa is currently funding 16 recovery projects for the First Nations in Queacutebec ad-dressing sexual abuse addiction prevention of suicide boarding schools trauma etc until 2010
Last year the publication of the five-year funding plan on sexual abuse by the provincial govern-ment of Queacutebec has seen the recognition of male survivors as a population in great need of ser-vices It has also recognized the necessity of providing services to the First Nations communities
Things are changing in Queacutebec for male survivors Because CRIPHASE is the only organization providing support and counseling to men in Queacutebec who have been sexually abused in childhood there is great hope for an increase of funding this year The constant develop-ment of CRIPHASE and the increase in phone calls and numbers of guys within the services (in 2008-
2009 there will be seven groups of PHASE 1 in-stead of five the year before) also show that men in Queacutebec are get-ting the right information on sexual abuse and services and are being encouraged to look for help and engage in re-covery
If you are one of these men in Queacutebec we are waiting for your call Remember you are not alone
For the annual march event please visit wwwmarchevasca (Information for the May 2009 march will be on line from February 2009)
Quilt Square by a Native Child from Alberta From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 37
MaleSurvivor is men surviving sexual abuse in Canada we will start with Canadarsquos sad legacy of abuse of children by clergy
A Brief Incomplete Canadian History
In Canada our First Nations People have had to bear the legacy of abuse they endured in Canadarsquos notorious residential schools Cur-rent issues of addictions and family and mental health problems amongst our First Nations people can be traced back to the legacy of abuse experienced by Native chil-dren in residential schools
Around 1874 the federal government began working with the churches (Catholic Anglican United and Presbyte-rian) to set up the Residential School System as a means to suppress Native cul-ture and promote assimilation In gen-eral children between the ages of five and 16 were taken from their parents and sent to church-run residen-tial schools The extent of the abuse in these church-run schools has been referred to as the ldquoCanadian Holocaustrdquo Recently the Canadian Government formed the Truth and Reconciliation Commis-sion (TRC) as part of the court-approved Indian Residential Schools Settlement Agreement The
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious
Leader By Nancy N Mayer MSW RSW
Partner Crisci amp Mayer Consultation Counselling and
Training Toronto wwwckmconsultationcom
Introduction
L ikely all the readers of this newsletter have knowledge and expertise about men
being physically sexually and emotionally abused Research tells us that abusers can come from any
walk of life and most often are known to the child or adult In the last decade abuse by clergy has finally ldquocome out of the closetrdquo so to
speak thanks to those brave survi-vors who have made public their experiences of being abused by clergy More than ever survivor groups are encouraging victims to report these crimes to the police and to consider seeking civil re-dress for their injuries Many groups believe that change in churches will only come when they are held accountable for the abuse perpetrated by clergy
This article will attempt to address the distinctive issues that are com-mon to this population of survivors Because the focus of this issue of
purpose of the commission is not to determine guilt or innocence but to create an historical account of the residential schools help people to heal and encourage reconciliation between Aboriginal and non-aboriginal Canadians
The notorious Mount Cashel Or-phanage is another Canadian leg-acy of sexual abuse by clergy This facility was operated in Newfound-land by the Christian Brothers More than a dozen priests were convicted after decades of abusing young boys at the orphanage
Mount Cashel Or-phanage closed in 1989 just six months after allegations of sexual physical and emotional abuse were published by the media (For more in depth information see Harris Michael Unholy Orders Trag-edy at Mount Cashel Ontario Viking Press 1990)
Like the US there have been hundreds and perhaps thou-sands of cases of children and vulner-
able adults abused by clergy in every religious denomination Unlike the US our country is not bound as strictly by statutes of limitations so lawsuits can proceed more freely Our sentences for convicted clerical sex offenders are
(Continued on page 38)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Nancy N Mayer
ldquo[First Nations] children
between the ages of five
and 16 were taken from
their parents and sent to
church-run residential
schools The extent of
the abuse in these
church-run schools has
been referred to as the
lsquoCanadian Holocaustrsquoldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 38
nowhere near as severe as those of our American neighbours Most first offenders will not serve a day in jail The civil awards for personal inju-ries are also quite low Our court system promotes set-tling these cases out of court When a case fails to go to trial it is not part of the public re-cord The widespread use of confidentiality orders media fatigue and Canadian reserve means that it is impos-sible to obtain accurate statistics on how often men are abused by clergy or even the ex-tent of the problem in this country
The Authority of Rel igious Leaders Religious organizations have always played a central role in our so-cieties They provide moral ethical and spiritual guidance Reli-gious teachings have given us a context and meaning for our lives Most religious belief revolves around a divine power or God Religious leaders (ministers priests rabbis elders nuns) are thought to be Godrsquos earthly repre-sentatives and are treated with reverence and respect They have intimate involvement with families and children at such vulnerable times as an illness death or other family crises They may have access
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 37)
to confidential information by virtue of their roles of confessor or counsellor A child brought up by religious parents is taught to re-spect these men and women Oth-ers associated with churches mdash choir leaders teachers cantors youth group leaders mdash are also considered trustworthy by virtue of their close
association with their religious organizations Most parents en-courage their childrenrsquos participa-tion in church-based activities believing them to be safe and wholesome
These leaders are considered to be esteemed authorities and as repre-sentatives of God wield a great deal of power Depending on the faith group there may be teachings
that support an unquestioning adherence to their instructions and guidance This makes children and vulnerable adults particularly sus-ceptible to exploitation by this group because they have access opportunity and trust
Misuse of Power Perpetrators can utilize their positions of power and trust to gain access to their victims some-times for extended periods of uninterrupted time They may tell children that they are being asked to ldquoserve Godrdquo or that they or their families will be punished if they do not do as instructed Chil-dren may be threatened with eternal damnation or blamed for leading the religious leader into sin If the religion con-siders premarital sex or same sex contacts as sinful the guilt will be compounded
In most cases the victim will not disclose or may disclose but not be
believed A child will have a difficult time convincing adults that he or she has been victimized The vic-timrsquos family culture or communi-ties have been socialized to see their religious leaders as unques-tionably good and incapable of lies This can lead to others denying or minimizing the victimrsquos experience of abuse The victim is initially harmed by the abuser and then is revictimized by those who cannot
ldquoMay Hope be Passed through Every Handrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 39
institutionrsquos response and lack of compassion and pastoral care
The Impact on Spir ituality
The frequently used term ldquosoul murderrdquo aptly describes what hap-pens when the abuser is a religious leader When the response of the religious institu-tion to a disclosure of abuse is experienced as self-serving and uncaring the survivor will likely lose his faith in the religious community of which he has been a part To belong and to feel connected is a basic human need When abused by clergy the loss of connection and belonging to what may have been a spiritual anchor can be devastating
To compound the harm the abuse may have occurred in a religious building The abuser may have worn traditional cleri-cal attire or may have made religious or biblical refer-ences As a result being exposed to religious symbols music or any other reminder can trigger flashbacks and other uncomfortable physical symptoms
The cleric is often considered Godrsquos representative on earth This gives the cleric power that surpasses his position and status When abuse is at the hands of a minister nun
accept that their spiritual leaders are capable of abuse There are many stories of clergy abuse survi-vors being abandoned by their religious communities (who side with the cleric) and their families who cannot face leaving the church that has given their lives meaning and comfort The resultant feelings of betrayal and abandonment are profound
The Role of the Religious Inst itutions
When religious institutions hold themselves up as ethical compasses and arbitrators of right and wrong society has an expectation that church leaders will act in a fair and moral way Many US Commissions and Grand Juries and Canadian reports such as the Winter Com-mission Report (Archdiocese of St Johns Newfoundland Canada 1990) Child Abuse in Community Institutions and Organizations and Improving Public and Professional Understanding (prepared for the Law Commission of Canada) all record and explain the dynamics that have lead to the failure of religious institutions to protect our children
While it is well known that any institution mdash educational recrea-tional or spiritual mdash is not immune from having sex offenders in its midst the religious institutions have a particular legacy of protect-ing the institution through aggres-sive legal tactics versus truth telling and reconciliation Many victims state that they have been less wounded by the actual abuse and profoundly more damaged by the
priest rabbi minister or elder the recipient of the abuse may experi-ence profound guilt for ldquoparticipatingrdquo in ldquosinfulrdquo behaviour mdash a mistaken belief that he is respon-sible for the abuse or shame that
he has ldquosinnedrdquo He may believe he is deserving of rejection or eternal damnation If he confesses he risks exposing the cleric who has likely done what he could to trick the victim into believing that he must maintain silence and secrecy One survivor describes feeling that rdquoIt was like being abused by God him-self If even God couldnrsquot love me how could anyone else ever love merdquo
These factors alone can leave a man who has been abused by clergy unable to find comfort and solace in what used to be his spiritual beliefs and his church Without these familiar beliefs the survivor is aban-
doned and alone when he most needs support
The Role of Gender While woman are ordained in some denominations there is still an imbalance of power between men and women in many religious tradi-tions For boys and men abused by male clerics embarrassment and
(Continued on page 40)
ldquoThe frequently used
term lsquosoul murderrsquo aptly
describes what happens
when the abuser is a
religious leader When
the response of the
religious institution to a
disclosure of abuse is
experienced as self-
serving and uncaring
the survivor will likely
lose his faith in the
religious community of
which he has been
a partrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 40
concerns of how they will be per-ceived promote silence For the boy or man abused by a female cleric there may be worries that he will be labelled the seducer or pres-sured to consider this ldquorelationshiprdquo as non-abusive
The study conducted by the John Jay Col-lege of Criminal Jus-tice regarding The Nature and Scope of the Problem of Sexual Abuse of Minors by Priests and Deacons in the Catholic Church (Washington DC USCCB 2004) found some very disturbing information about the age and gender of victims The largest group of reported victims (509) was between the ages of 11 and 14 273 of victims were 15 to 17 16 were eight to 10 and nearly 6 were under age seven Overall 81 of vic-tims were male and 19 female Male victims tended to be older than female victims Over 40 of all victims were males between the ages of 11 and 14
The largest group of reported victims in this study consisted of boys who were entering puberty This is a tumultuous time in most
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 39)
young menrsquos lives To have this period of development disrupted can contribute to many mental health problems including lack of confidence disruption of emo-tional sexual and psycho-social development isolation sexual identity confusion depression anxiety and abuse of substances
In Summary The harm experienced by those
who are abused by clergy is profound and multifaceted Some therapists will not want to work with survivors of clergy abuse due to the complexity of their issues their limited knowledge of the subject area possible religious biases and potential for litigation Most (but certainly not all) survivors will have experienced revictimization by their churches or religious institutions This compounded by abuse by a religious leader in a position of power will under-standably lead to unique challenges Survivors will have
significant trust issues that can impede the forming of a trusting therapeutic relationship with a therapist who will also be in a position of power and may be an employee of an institution With transparency and skill on the part of the therapist and tenacity on the part of the survivor effective thera-
peutic partnership can be achieved While recovery is difficult it is possible
The irony is that many survivors of abuse by clergy have a strong sense of integrity morality and perseverance They learned the lessons that the ldquoreligiousrdquo offend-ers failed to learn At the core of their beings these clergy abuse survivors are the prophets who have come to speak the truth and reveal the abuse and the decep-tions It is this desire for social justice truth telling belonging and connection that will allow a healthy spiritual belief system to rise out of the ashes of what has happened It is this healthy spiritual belief that makes many clergy abuse survivors persistent and tenacious in seeking recovery and social justice They are making a difference and chang-ing the world as we know it
ldquoThe harm experienced
by those who are
abused by clergy is
profound and
multifaceted Some
therapists will not want
to work with survivors
of clergy abuse due to
the complexity of their
issues their limited
knowledge of the
subject area possible
religious biases and
potential for litigationldquo
February 2009
Page 41
tion of it earlier in the lsquo90s but 1997 is when there was a critical mass of mostly male survivors coming forward and taking action against Maple Leaf Gardens Your question specifically was ldquoDid it play a role in my choice of ca-reersrdquo
MS Yes
SJ Yes and no The Maple Leaf
Gardens cases were not my first sexual assault cases but my in-volvement in these cases solidified my interest and desire to help sur-vivors
MS Could you take a few minutes to explain to our readers just what the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal was and why it has played a central role in revealing the extent of sex-ual abuse at least in the Toronto area
of my clients will say something like ldquoYou know this is not about the money I donrsquot care how much I get this is about something elserdquo And whatever that person seeks mdash an apology or the empowerment of filing a lawsuit or a million other unique things mdash that is why I do this kind of work Itrsquos about helping people through whatever process they need in order to begin that healing process the moving forward process
MS And also to provide your clients with a sense of justice
SJ Absolutely Justice is really not about the money itrsquos about the knowledge that theyrsquove come forward theyrsquove done something and theyrsquove empowered themselves It takes a tre-mendous amount of courage to do that I am always in awe of my cli-ents for the amount of courage they have They are my inspiration
MS Many Americans are unaware of the so-called Maple Leaf Gar-dens sex scandal that began some-time in the 1960s but didnrsquot come to wide public attention until 1997 the year after you began practicing law Did this scandal have some affect on your choice of career
SJ Actually the scandal did come to prominence before 1997 There was scattered media atten-
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 1)
SJ Sure There was a series of men who were employed at Maple Leaf Gardens which was the home of the Toronto Maple Leafs mdash the hockey club mdash who over a period of a couple of decades sexually abused probably hundreds of chil-dren It started in the lsquo60s it went on we believe until the early lsquo80s There were two principal men in-volved but there were at least three
others who also were ac-cused In order to under-stand why the Maple Leaf Gardens sex scandals are as important as they are you have to understand that hockey in Toronto and hockey in Canada is almost a religion Hockey is to Canadians what the NFL or Major League Baseball is to Americans Every little boy dreams of about becoming the next Wayne Gretzky becoming the best hockey player he can be Maple Leaf Gar-dens was the home of one of the best loved and biggest hockey teams mdash the Toronto Maple Leafs The Gardens was the high
temple of hockey in Canada and still is In the lsquo60s lsquo70s and even the lsquo80s children mdash mostly boys mdash would go to Maple Leaf Gardens usually unaccompanied by their parents because back then nobody really thought that anything bad would happen to them at the Gar-dens The boys would go there ei-ther for practice games or to watch the Maple Leafs play or more likely they would go to watch To-
(Continued on page 42)
ldquoMaple Leaf Gardens in Memory of Martin Kruzerdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 42
ronto Marlies games The Marlies were the farm team for the Toronto Maple Leafs During these games and these practices the pedophiles who worked at the Gardenrsquos would often befriend these boys seeking out boys who were more vulner-able than others most likely and would sexually assault the boys sometimes off-property but most often within the Gardens itself They would use their position as employees of the Gardens to be able to say to the boys if you come with me Irsquoll get you a broken hockey stick or hockey puck or Irsquoll get you into better seats the next game or whatever other type of inducement would be necessary to get the boys to go with them into either a washroom or a training room or other private place where the boys would be sexually abused
In 1997 there were about 50 or 60 cases all joined to-gether and Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Entertainment Ltd wanted to settle all the cases prior to the Toronto Maple Leafs moving into a new hockey rink called the Air Canada Center so as to have a clean slate at the new rink By and large a lot of the litigation was fin-ished before the team moved into the Air Canada Center but not all of it In fact there are probably 17 or 19 cases going through the court
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 41)
system today more than 10 years after the original large group of plaintiffs went through the court and I believe that new people will continue to come forward when they are strong enough
MS I understand that one of the principal plaintiffs in the case Mar-tin Kruze had settled with the owners or the operators of the Ma-ple Leaf Gardens in 1995 and that he signed a confidentiality agree-ment not to reveal the settlement
or perhaps even the details of what had happened to him Do you think that the confidentiality agree-ment Mr Kruze agreed to slowed down or hindered the full exposure of this scandal
SJ I think that any confidentiality agreement blocks public access to knowledge and to understanding so I do suspect that Martinrsquos confi-dentiality agreement did have some impact on the scandal re-
maining hidden for as long as it did Absolutely yes I believe that confidentiality agreements are in-herently difficult for plaintiffs be-cause they create and continue a cycle of secrecy Sexual assault is a crime that is almost always carried out in secret and the guilt and shame it produces is key in helping pedophiles maintain their hold over their victims Putting a confidential-ity agreement on a settlement just perpetuates the guilt and the shame
MS Unfortunately Martin Kruzersquos principal perpetrator received a shockingly light sen-tence for all his actions and I understand that this led to Martin com-mitting suicide shortly afterwards
SJ I would think that the perpetratorrsquos sentence was a part of why Martin chose to end his life yes It hap-pened relatively shortly after the sentencing and I suspect that it weighed heavily on Martinrsquos decision
MS Do you think that the sen-tence that the perpetrator received was a reflection of the then current attitude towards pedophiles and sexual abuse
SJ The sentence that the perpe-trator received was a reflection on the way that the Canadian justice system deals with criminals regard-ing personal crimes absolutely It was a very low sentence in keep-
Imants Kruze visiting his sonrsquos memorial quilt square in the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 43
obtain here versus how much they can obtain in the United States In the United States there is no cap for pain and suffering awards whereas here in Canada there is a very small cap mdash about $325000 If a survivor of sexual assault goes through the court system and even if they have a very good day in court in terms of compensation yoursquore probably looking at an award for dam-ages somewhere be-tween $200000 and $500000 Sometimes itrsquos actually less than $200000 and very very rarely more than $500000 so in that sense we are defi-nitely behind But I donrsquot think itrsquos a question of waiting 10 years to see if we ldquocatch uprdquo I think itrsquos just a fundamental difference in how our court system works and whatrsquos available to survivors in terms of compensation
If you mean that Canada is 10 years behind in dealing with other aspects of sexual assault then you are probably correct in terms of media attention public awareness and outrage Sexual assault is still largely an unreported unprose-cuted crime But things are getting better every day and as more and more survivors come forward posi-tive changes will continue to hap-pen
MS As Irsquom sure you know therersquos periodic discussion about tort re-
ing with what was handed out at the time and to a large extent itrsquos still in keeping with what is handed out right now
MS Are you still representing or have you represented anyone who is a plaintiff in this scandal
SJ I was very much involved in the core group of Maple Leaf Gar-dens survivors that came forward in 1997 I was on what was called the plaintiffsrsquo committee back then which was a group of a few lawyers who brought the litigation forward I represented a number of plaintiffs in the original group that came forward I have also represented quite a few men throughout the last 10 years and currently repre-sent two men in the last group of plaintiffs to come forward I have also been approached by at least two other men who may decide to pursue litigation
MS Dale English mdash who has spo-ken to you at some length mdash has said to me that either you or he or both of you have felt that Canada is perhaps 10 or more years behind the US in dealing with the issues of sexual abuse and sexual assault Could you elaborate on that com-ment
SJ I think it depends on what you mean by dealing with the is-sues If you mean dealing with the issues in terms of bringing civil cases forward to a certain extent we are behind One of the funda-mental differences between the United States and Canada is the way that our tort systems operate and specifically the amount of compensation that tort victims can
form in the United States mainly aimed at capping punitive dam-ages Irsquom wondering whether there is the mirror of that in Canada mdash whether therersquos any movement to-wards tort reform that would allow greater awards to victims
SJ Well there is and there isnrsquot In Canada itrsquos very difficult if not
impossible to get pu-nitive damages espe-cially if therersquos a criminal conviction The punitive damages that are available in Canada are very low A typical punitive damage award would be $20000 or $25000 - usually not much more than that So damages are quite restricted here in any event In terms of tort reform I think there is a global push by in-surance companies to
try to limit compensation whether in the States or here The things that the American Association of Justice are fighting for down in the States are the same things that the Ontario Trial Lawyers Association are fighting for here mdash the continued ability to sue for compensation un-hampered by legislative roadblocks benefitting powerful institutional defendants to the detriment of those who have suffered Ours is a much smaller playing field and therefore less money is at stake In terms of plaintiffsrsquo lawyers wersquore trying to maximize the compensa-tion that we can get for our client Every time we go to court we try
(Continued on page 44)
ldquoIf you mean that
Canada is 10 years
behind in dealing with
other aspects of sexual
assault then you are
probably correct in
terms of media
attention public
awareness and outrageldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 44
to get a higher damage award so that that case will be a building block for future cases There are always attempts to try to circum-vent the cap on pain and suffering damages that we have Itrsquos not an easy thing to do the cap has been in place in Canada for 32 years now It was put in place in 1977 by the Supreme Court of Canada and itrsquos unlikely to be overturned any-time soon Even though from a purely theoretical legal analysis that cap does not apply to pain and suffering damages for victims of sexual assault and sexual abuse the reality is that judges still use that cap as a high water mark even though it doesnrsquot formally apply mdash it is still a de facto cap and to be honest with you it is almost impos-sible to get anywhere near that cap for compensation for pain and suf-fering A typical pain and suffering award in Canada for childhood sex-ual abuse is somewhere between $100000 and $200000 Anything on top of that would be associated economic loss or care costs
MS Itrsquos quite unfortunate that even though therersquos no real cap the law behaves as if there were one
SJ Yep I couldnrsquot agree with you more Itrsquos very unfortunate
MS I understand that in 2005 the government of Ontario convened whatrsquos known as the Cornwall Pub-lic Inquiry Was the Inquiry con-vened to address the issues of sex-ual abuse and sexual assault and
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 43)
the way the justice system is han-dling it
SJ Thatrsquos probably one of the reasons the Inquiry was convened Thatrsquos one of the hopes The In-quiry was convened because of what was going on in a little city east of Toronto mdash a series of allega-tions against very prominent mem-bers of that community involving the sexual abuse of children over a period of many many years The idea behind the Inquiry is to try to figure out what happened and to put in place some recommenda-tions that will not only stop some-thing like the abuse in Cornwall from happening again but will also try to help those who were affected by the events in the first place And to some extent I think some good will come of the Inquiry Hopefully the recommendations will be good for survivors of childhood sexual abuse or any kind of sexual assault The Submission phase of the In-quiry officially ended late February 2009
MS Did you have the opportunity to testify before the Inquiry
SJ I did not personally testify before the Inquiry Testimony was generally limited to the people ac-tually involved mdash police officers vic-tims what not I was involved in the Inquiry with regards to a panel discussionroundtable that they had regarding the use of confiden-tiality agreements
MS As you probably know Male-Survivor was first founded in the early 1980s by a group of thera-pists who were concerned about support for victims of childhood
sexual abuse and although Male-Survivor is still not a very large or-ganization it has increased its in-fluence significantly over the years and Irsquom wondering whether there is a similar non-profit or other group in Canada that also is dedi-cated to helping victims of child-hood sexual abuse
SJ There are some grass roots organizations that deal with victims of childhood sexual abuse or adult sexual assault I donrsquot believe there is as cohesive a unit as MaleSurvi-vor I may be wrong on that but there are smaller more community based organizations that assist sur-vivors That being said resources available to survivors are unfortu-nately pretty limited
MS Is that because there are too few therapists in that form of prac-tice
SJ I think itrsquos a mixture of many different things First of all Canada has a much smaller population base mdash 30 million people as com-pared to 300 million in the United States mdash so you have significantly fewer people affected and there-fore you have significantly fewer resources available to those people The services that we do have will often have very long waiting lists before people can access them There are some very very good counselors in Canada assisting sur-vivors but unfortunately the waiting lists are sometimes long and the availability for public funding to provide services free of charge is somewhat limited
MS Is there anything in your opinion about the Canadian health
February 2009
Page 45
system that contributes to the scar-city of services
SJ I donrsquot know if itrsquos the Cana-dian health system I think that in Canada we have a pretty good public health system in the sense that anybody who needs medical services can access those services free of charge The problem is that a lot of these services are not covered under our health system per se Many are covered under either private plans or pay as you go type services and itrsquos just a question of finding the people who can provide these services and being lucky enough to get them when they either donrsquot have a waiting list or other-wise having to wait until your name comes up on that waiting list
MS And that could takes years in some cases it seems
SJ My understanding is that those waiting lists can be quite long but there are very good peo-ple out there Itrsquos just a question of finding them and being able to afford them
MS Can you elaborate on other differences between the US and Canada that affect the way survi-vors and perpetrators are treated by the legal system and the media
SJ The differences between Can-ada and the US are really huge On the surface Americans and Canadi-ans look pretty much the same dress the same talk the same eat the same foods and by and large watch the same TV but culturally there is a huge difference in the way we look at the world in the
way our legal system works and the way that people interact with one another
Americans are much more litigious by na-ture I think this is due to the fact that in the United States mdash at least as seen from the outside mdash the rights of the individual are paramount In Can-ada less so Canada is much more commu-nity-oriented We of-tentimes think about how something is going to affect others instead of looking at what an individual might be entitled to I think that the high
damage awards available through the American legal system are beneficial in sexual abuse cases as is the lack of a cap on awards which we have
In some ways though our legal system is much better for my cli-ents than the US system would be because of the way that our actual process works One of the things that I know is very damaging to a lot of plaintiffs in the United States is the whole discovery process tak-
ing depositions Depositions can go on for a huge number of days and pretty much everybody in the per-sonrsquos life can be called to give a deposition That is very troubling and painful for people who donrsquot necessarily want others to know about their abuse or donrsquot want to involve their family Here in Canada depositions mdash or what we call the examination for discovery mdash are lim-ited to the actual named parties in the lawsuit The defendant and the plaintiff are examined for discovery or deposed if you will Anyone who is not an actual party to the litiga-tion can only be discovered under court orders and itrsquos very difficult to get those court orders so in that sense itrsquos a much quicker cleaner process and less intrusive on some-onersquos life So that is probably a good thing
The other really huge difference between the two systems which I think does in fact impact on why a lot of these cases settle as opposed to going to court and oftentimes settle for very different amounts of money than they would if they went to court is that in Canada we have a ldquoloser paysrdquo system If you go to court and you lose you have to pay at least a portion of the fees incurred by the other side Letrsquos say the defendantrsquos settlement offer is $100000 If the plaintiff does not accept that $100000 and at trial the plaintiff gets $99000 then the plaintiff has to pay the lawyerrsquos fees of the defendant because the award is less than the settlement offer That is very difficult That means that a lot of cases are set-tled for probably less money than
(Continued on page 46)
ldquoOn the surface
Americans and
Canadians look pretty
much the same hellip but
culturally there is a
huge difference in the
way we look at the
world in the way our
legal system works and
the way that people
interact with one
anotherldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 46
MS I join you in that hope Any-thing that can advance the cause of not only helping people but also helping prevent further abuses is always going to be welcome If you could set forth a vision of how you would like to see the law and the therapeutic community in Canada evolve to handle matters of child-
hood sexual abuse and sexual assault mdash if you could influence the reform of institu-tions what would your vision be
SJ Oh Richard Wow Well first and foremost I would love to raise public aware-ness of this issue for various reasons I think that increased public awareness will not necessarily reduce the instances of abuse but will help improve how abuse is dealt with when itrsquos ongoing and after-wards Itrsquos very im-portant that when a child is hurt that
child knows that he can go to peo-ple for help and support All too often if kids get up enough cour-age to tell someone the reaction they get is not very positive I think that with increased public aware-ness hopefully people will under-stand that there are ways to deal with this that will decrease the amount of harm so public aware-ness is paramount
I would like the legal system to raise compensation awards for sur-
turning point in bringing to the publicrsquos attention that the sexual assault of children can happen does happen and itrsquos a very diffi-cult thing for anyone to go through whether theyrsquore little boys or grown men that were abused as children It brought childhood sex-ual abuse out of the shadows to a certain extent The scandal still garners media attention as new survivors come forward but not the same as it did 10 years ago
MS Would you say that the lack of inves-tigative reporting is a cultural phenomenon or is it that the news-papers donrsquot feel they have that role
SJ Oh no Canadian newspapers do feel that they have a role in investigating things but for whatever rea-son sexual abuse of children has not been a priority The Cana-dian media really has not been at the forefront of this issue the way the media in the United States has been and I think that is tremen-dously disappointing The lack of media attention means that we arenrsquot fostering the awareness within the public that we need in order to provide real help and ser-vices for survivors We need the mediarsquos help to bring this horrific crime to light and to help stop it from happening
they would get if they went to court because that risk of going to court and not getting at least the amount of the original offer weighs heavily on everyone Our system is designed and geared toward avoid-ing trials which can be good be-cause nobody really wants to go through a trial but can be bad be-cause people become very intimi-dated by the prospect of losing or not getting as much as the settle-ment offer and being indebted to the defendant for a lot of money Thatrsquos a scary scary thing to go through
With regards to the media the US has a media that by and large has helped out a lot with sexual abuse cases The whole issue of clergy abuse really started with investiga-tive reporting by the Boston Globe right
MS Right
SJ They really took that issue and just ran with it Here in Canada we really havenrsquot had the same kind of investigative media cover-age as yoursquove had which is why events like the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal are not as huge as they are down in the States
Before Martin Kruze committed sui-cide the media was only somewhat interested in the Maple Leaf Gar-dens scandal Martin Kruze was a figure because he had sued the Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Com-plex But after he committed sui-cide the media was really galva-nized and that was probably a
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 45)
ldquoThe lack of media
attention means that we
arenrsquot fostering the
awareness within the
public that we need in
order to provide real
help and services for
survivors We need the
mediarsquos help to bring
this horrific crime to
light and to help stop it
from happeningrdquo
February 2009
Page 47
ments but it canrsquot at this stage really happen through the courts
I would want there to be an ability for institutions or perpetrators mdash de-fendants mdash to look beyond mere dollars and cents and look toward healing the person that they have hurt either directly or indirectly All too often in these cases we really become tied up in the legal minu-tiae of things as opposed to defen-dants saying ldquoOK letrsquos step back here and letrsquos try to helprdquo
I wish that there were a real under-standing that these cases are not car accident cases and they should
not be treated as car accident cases My clients are not people whorsquove broken a leg and therefore need X amount of dollars in order to pay for medical services or whatnot And unfortu-nately that doesnrsquot necessarily happen
In terms of the thera-peutic community I would love to see counseling and therapy ses-sions be paid for through the pub-lic purse so that people who re-quire the services of highly-skilled counselors and therapists and psy-chologists can access those services without having to pay for them A lot of clients just donrsquot have the economic means to pay for such services until after they get a set-tlement and that could take years It would be wonderful to see those kinds of services funded the same way as a trip to the emergency room or a trip to your family doc-tor for a cold is funded Irsquod love to
vivors The amount of damage that can be done as a result of child-hood abuse or in fact any kind of sexual assault is tremendous It affects almost every aspect of someonersquos life It becomes inter-generational because it affects the people around the survivor and compensation awards are still very much a pale reflection of what is needed in order to help these peo-ple I hope that at some point our judges and our legislature under-stand that need and can corre-spondingly give appropriate and reasonable damage awards so that people can start to rebuild their lives in a meaningful way
I would love there to be an opportunity within our civil system for more than just compensation At this stage the only thing that a civil judge can do is award monetary compensation There are a lot of creative things that you can do within a settlement that are not purely fi-nancial that can give a lot of sol-ace to someone who has been abused whether that be in the form of some non-financial healing whether it be in the form of a situation where somebody can con-front their abuser if thatrsquos what they wish to do in a safe setting or whether itrsquos the ability for that sur-vivor to do something outside of pure simple dollars and put for-ward some sort of healing plan that is as individual as they are That can happen through settle-
be able to see that I think that that would go a long way to helping people earlier rather than later
Ultimately I wish that this situation didnrsquot exist anymore and I would be put out of business frankly
MS Well I can certainly sympa-thize with the way you feel but it would seem that you have a career ahead of you dealing with this problem
SJ Unfortunately I think you are right I think that instances of child-hood sexual abuse are not neces-sarily going down I think that insti-tutions are getting a little bit better at putting in place policies and sometimes even following their own policies to stop pedophiles from entering those institutions and preying on people that those insti-tutions are theoretically set up to serve but I think that as long as the problem of childhood sexual abuse is with us I will be out there trying to help anybody that I can
MS Is there anything else yoursquod like to say to our readers
SJ I think that organizations such as MaleSurvivor are imperative in helping people understand that they are not alone that itrsquos not their fault and there are ways to get help So hats off to an organi-zation such as yours The clients I have who are involved in your or-ganization are very very well served so I have to thank you for being a resource
MS Thank you very much for your kind comments and for your time Simona
ldquoUltimately I wish that
this situation didnrsquot exist
anymore and I would be
put out of business
franklyrdquo
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-
February 2009
Page 11
out But we also know that many try but cannot ldquoget over itrdquo much as they would like to Sadly we also know that some end up using addiction and or violence and end up in jail or treatment and never report the abuse (I wonder how many men who are in jail for vio-lent acts have been abused as boys mdash but that is another arti-cle) Some end up dead Where are all these men Are they suffering in silence
Free or close to free workshops for male survi-vors have been offered but few men come out Perhaps the adverts for such offerings are not read by these men or their partners Yet invariably when a man does finally access services he reports the difficulty he has had finding such services Is that too a lack of good PR It seems that the lack of information and the lack of coordinating ser-vices as well as the lack of the ability to document the need have all contributed to the situation we face Those of us offering services are not connected and donrsquot seem to know one another except per-haps for the few agencies that do work with men
In September of 2008 the Archdio-cese of Toronto gave the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness a small grant to help me partner with
others to offer groups for men This has been difficult to accom-plish Despite all the emails sent out only one person responded and unfortunately she is out of the area How does it happen How do those of us working in this field connect collaborate and use each other as referrals and consultants
It is a difficult situation
Originally when asked to write this article about the ser-vices in my area I waxed eloquent about how we are all protecting our little clinical kingdom reluc-tant to share information or lose clients But
upon reflection I wonder if that is true Could it be truer that others like me are busy doing what we do best mdash working with our clients mdash thus leaving less time for what we do not do best investigate and find others working with the same clientele Am I guilty of just that I wonder
The next obvious question is how How do we get out the word that ldquoyou are not the only onerdquo to a man who was abused in childhood As we are aware men often donrsquot get help until they end up in some sort of trouble with relationships addictions or recovering from depression or suicidal attempts Or Jail Sadly they donrsquot get help there except possibly for anger management
Perhaps we can speculate that as more information regarding male childhood abuse becomes avail-able more men will come forward but if they come forward we have to have a network of people to be there It is so difficult for a man to attempt to get help mdash even more difficult if he finds places he has reached out to turn him away because they donrsquot how to help him or where to send him
Irsquove attempted in my limited way to get the message out that men need to know that they are not alone that six out of 10 boys have been or will be abused by age 18 that healing is possible and healing is a private issue Men need not suffer in silence and can stop past abuse from damaging their lives just as MaleSurvivor has helped The trouble seems to be that those who read this are not those who need to read it Too many ques-tions and not enough answers
My only plan at this point is to send the link for this edition of the newsletter highlighting Canada to everyone I can find in the hopes that somehow we service providers can have a conference workshop meeting or whatever to find each other and start working on getting the message out that we are here and we know something about how to help
Endnotes
sup1 UN report reveals ldquoshockingrdquo levels of violence against children
sup2 See httpwwwjimhoppercommale-ab
sup3 This is a discussion for another occasion
ldquoThe Cycle Stoppedrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 12
My Journey to MaleSurvivor
By Rob Hawkings MA
I was asked a few weeks ago if I would write an article for the MaleSurvivor newsletter telling
the story of how I came to be in-volved in working with male survi-vors most recently as the newest member of the Weekends of Recov-ery leadership team My initial reaction was an enthusiastic ldquoNo problem great ideardquo And I do think it is a great idea I remember back to about 1989 when I attended mdash as a par-ticipant mdash my first therapeutic weekend for men who had ex-perienced childhood sexual abuse how difficult it was to trust anyone enough mdash par-ticularly male author-ity figures mdash to talk openly about my experience and feelings and how much easier it was after the leaders had modeled appropriate trust and self-disclosure I see this autobio-graphical article as an opportunity to begin to earn your trust
A few days later it hit me that what I had undertaken was not a one-to-one direct personal exchange or confined to a self-help setting or therapy group or retreat it was go-ing to be published on the Inter-net mdash for anyone to read mdash forever After 21 years of personal recovery
including almost 20 years as a counselor and psychotherapist I am quite comfortable disclosing my status as a survivor and whatever pieces of my story will be helpful in therapeutic settings mdash but this is different This is not contained Ah well as I have been told many times along my journey There are no accidents look for signs of syn-
chronicity and take advantage of opportunities for growth So here goes
Counseling and psychotherapy is a second career for me to which I aspired as a teenager a natural choice given that one of my child-hood roles as the eldest son in an alcoholic home was to be confi-dant and counselor to my suffering mother Looking back it is a very good thing I got diverted from that career path while at university Blind to my personal issues and
without the support and life experi-ence to handle my deeply buried emotions I would have made a terrible mdash and perhaps dangerous mdash therapist I am grateful that I did not revisit this career path until age 39 after I had begun a personal healing journey Up to that point I had managed to achieve an appar-ently successful life (at that time I
was in the corporate business world) but addictive behavior and underlying abuse-related issues had progressed to the point where I was unable to hold my house of cards together I realize now that the ensu-ing marital and pro-fessional melt-down was both unavoid-able and necessary in order for the healing to begin
The high quality of the self-help and
professional therapy I was blessed to experience in the early stages of my own recovery reawakened (on a much healthier footing this time) my passion to be doing that kind of work as a professional Organiz-ing self-help retreats led to training to be an addictions counselor serv-ing a year ldquoin the trenchesrdquo of front-line addictions treatment (invaluable experience) and then working half-time for two years as a therapist in hospital-based psy-chiatric day-treatment programs
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Journey Uncredited Photo
February 2009
Page 13
during which time I began a private practice The part-time private practice filled quickly (and became full-time after two years) with re-covering alcoholics and addicts adult children of alcoholics and increasingly adult survivors of sex-ual abuse
It was while I was working that first year in a menrsquos residential addic-tion treatment facility that men be-gan to disclose to me that they had been sexually abused as boys These emotionally charged disclo-sures were always one-on-one and curiously were occurring way more often with me than with other counselors on staff I say ldquocuriouslyrdquo because I was curious as to why this was happening It was only that same year in context of self-help support and professional help that I ldquoconnected the dotsrdquo between my own sex-ual abuse as a boy and the problems that had developed in my life I did not yet fully understand as I do now that with the highly sensitive ldquoradarrdquo that survivors seem to have these men were recognizing in me an empathetic kindred spirit who would somehow relate to their is-sues To learn to help these men (and to help myself) along a heal-ing path I began to seek out any and all training I could find on the subject
In those early years I learned mostly from women in the feminist movement who had been aware of the impact of sexual abuse for dec-ades and were far ahead of men in helping each other heal Much of what they knew and so generously shared was also useful in working with men There are however ma-jor differences and I was fortunate in connecting with some of the pioneers (Mike Lew among others) who were researching and articulat-ing those differences and how to address them in recovery Over succeeding years I continued to gain experience doing one-on-one
therapy with male survivors and in lead-ing and supervising group-based pro-grams for a succes-sion of Ontario agen-cies Along the way I have been honored to serve as clinical consultant for two treatment handbooks on working with men who have experi-enced childhood sex-ual abuse
A significant experi-ence professionally for me was leaving
my private practice for five years (2000-2005) to work full-time as a Program Development Specialist at Bellwood Health Services a 60-bed in-patient addictions treatment fa-cility in Toronto It was stimulating and rewarding to play lead roles in designing and implementing Can-adarsquos first residential treatment program for sexual addiction and Canadarsquos first truly concurrent
treatment program for soldiers and veterans with substance depend-ency and post-traumatic stress (I like the term ldquoOperational Stress Injuryrdquo adopted by the Canadian military which encompasses the whole spectrum of clinical and sub-clinical combat-related stress disor-ders not just psychiatrically diag-nosable PTSD)
At this point in my life and career (as of 2005) I and my second wife (I have been happily remarried now for close to ten years) have chosen to ldquosemi-retirerdquo to the small town of Deep River Ontario about a six-hour drive north of Toronto where I maintain a part-time private prac-tice providing counseling therapy training and consulting in two of the specialties I am known for re-covery for male survivors of child-hood sexual abuse and sexual ad-diction recovery I also ldquokeep my hand inrdquo in the field of combat-related post-traumatic stress treat-ment by working two days a week as an addictions counselor at a large nearby Canadian Forces Base (in Petawawa) which is sending units regularly to Afghanistan and where we are seeing growing num-bers of soldiers self-medicating their post-traumatic stress symp-toms with addictive behavior and substances
Deep River affords us a wonderfully quiet and gently paced lifestyle in a part of the country with beautiful natural surroundings and consis-tently and gloriously clean air but it poses some challenges This town is where I grew up and where the abuse happened There are ldquoghosts
(Continued on page 15)
ldquoIn those early years I
learned mostly from
women in the feminist
movement who had
been aware of the
impact of sexual abuse
for decades and were far
ahead of men in helping
each other healrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 14
My Weekend of Recovery
By Robert L
M y Weekend of Recovery was a phenomenal ex-perience Phenomenal
The more time that passes the more I realize how much of a posi-tive impact the WOR has had on me Since the WOR things have opened up and my recovery is accelerating
Given the positive experi-ence it is hard to believe that I was somewhat hesitant to attend While I was very excited when I first signed up months in advance some personal issues arose by the time the WOR came around and I seriously considered backing out Thankfully I did not
By way of background I have known about my abuse all my life No flashbacks for me it was always front and center I tried to deal with it as best as I could alone I first spoke about the abuse at age 19 telling my first real love interest about it Disclosing my past only to love interests became a pattern for me until I could no longer handle the pain and started individual therapy at age 31 (six years ago)
The individual therapy has been very helpful I have learned a lot
about myself particularly by ex-ploring areas that I did not even think were part of the equation The therapy also helped a lot of the pain go away
My biggest single problem remains relationships or the lack thereof In actuality I have never had a ldquorealrdquo relationship Instead I keep repeat-ing the same patterns of falling for girls who cannot be emotionally available to me who are often
survivors themselves and are often already in a relationship with an-other man Clearly I needed to add something to my individual ther-apy
Over the past six years I have considered group therapy but
could not find a suitable group A few months before the WOR my therapist gave me a copy of Mike Lewrsquos book Victims No Longer As I read the book I realized that I was a ldquotextbook caserdquo and thought that surely there must be a ldquotextbook solutionrdquo (that I obviously could not find over six years of individual therapy) Naiumlve or not I decided to search for a group once again My online search led me to
the MaleSurvivor website Imagine my pleasant surprise when I discov-ered that a WOR was coming to my city I signed up immediately
I was literally the first survivor to arrive at Mysthaven and was so anxious to ldquoget the show on the roadrdquo While wait-ing for the others to arrive I spent my time looking around trying to make myself feel at home It did not take long for that to happen As I entered the main room I was faced with dozens of t-shirts made by past WOR attendees and it moved me to tears I was surely in a place where I belonged
Eventually the others arrived and we began the opening ceremony It was so well thought out Actually everything was well thought out right from the opening to the closing ceremonies I noticed a lot
In the First Person
ldquoI Know I Am Not Shamefulrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 15
of nice little touches and appreci-ated all of them
After the opening ceremony we did a ldquosafetyrdquo exercise in which everyone had a chance to express his needs for a safe environment (for instance I cannot have people touch my neck) We all committed to abide by the safety rules This turned out to be one of the best parts of the WOR because at no time whatsoever did I feel judged or unsafe in any way I cannot recall ever being in such an atmosphere before
We went through a lot of activities and exercises over the weekend Some of these included small groups breathing exercises (grounding) telling our story ldquosculptingrdquo shame busting commu-nity building art and mindfulness walks
I liked the small groups the best I felt there was an excellent fit among the facilitators my fellow survivors and me I had ample opportunity to say what I wanted to say and welcomed all the feed-back After years of individual ther-apy it was great to finally connect with other male survivors in a group setting I learned from my fellow survivors and it also put my recovery into perspective
The shame busting exercise was also incredible It is one thing to talk about creating intimacy it is another to learn how to do it ac-
from the pastrdquo on every street cor-ner mdash and I am finding them a greater challenge than I antici-pated It has been much easier (surprisingly) and a hugely empow-ering victory for me to transform the house we now inhabit mdash where some of the abuse occurred in my childhood mdash into the safest and most comfortable home I have ever known Deep River is relatively iso-lated from the colleagues I have come to know and trust over many years and I take every opportunity to join them whenever and wher-ever I can for trainings and work-shops I am also learning to rely more on the telephone and the Internet to maintain my personal and professional circles of support My journey of growth and healing continues It is not without hurdles and challenges but at this stage it is filled with blessings not the least of which are my two children (now adults) and the relationships I now enjoy with them Life now is better than I could ever have imagined and I welcome the challenges
Which brings me to the present blessing and challenge namely joining the leadership team of the MaleSurvivor Weekends of Recov-ery I have many strong family and professional connections in the United States and I welcome this opportunity to work with a geo-graphically and culturally broader range of men and women who share my values principles and passion for recovery I look forward to meeting and working with some of you
My Journey (Continued from page 13)
tively After the movement exercise one of the facilitators told me that I ldquolooked beautiful out thererdquo I did not believe or understand that comment at the time but I think I do now and it still makes me cry to think of it The comment made me feel that someone saw the ldquorealrdquo me regardless of what I look
like on the outside It also made me realize that I had forgotten how to ldquoplayrdquo I really did feel like a playful child during the exer-cise and I cannot think of the last time that I experienced such a feeling
Since the WOR I have stepped up my recov-ery process I attend weekly groups and keep in regular con-
tact with a few fellow WOR partici-pants I have also bought many self-help books started journaling and increased my time on the MaleSur-vivor forums
I see a dramatic difference in my-self since the WOR I feel more positive and more at peace I can also talk more freely about the abuse and no longer feel shame The bottom line is that I have moved from being a victim to being a SURVIVOR
Words cannot express my gratitude to the WOR team and my fellow survivors I really appreciate the individual chats and felt that every-one was genuinely interested in my recovery Thank you I love you all
ldquoThe shame busting
exercise was also
incredible It is one
thing to talk about
creating intimacy it is
another to learn how to
do it activelyrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 16
high schools were resistant to al-lowing staff members to enter their school and provide educational programs Having a male on staff proved to be beneficial and the program grew rapidly Fortunately mdash and unfortunately mdash the media be-gan writing articles about me and the educational programs Once the Ministry folks became aware a man was on the payroll of the cen-tre my position was terminated I was told that funding was specifi-cally designed for women to pro-
vide services for women To the credit of the crisis centre they had me volun-teer for six months until they could se-cure funding from the local United Way They seemed less concerned about a man wanting to pro-vide services to peo-ple in need
History was being made We became the first sexual assault crisis centre in Canada to open a separate satellite office for a
menrsquos program This was not something celebrated by all crisis centres I was asked to advocate for men but to keep quiet at the same time The program became very successful and more and more male survivors were asking for ser-vices Unfortunately in 2002 the local United Way decided to reduce their support after having a trou-
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
The Circle of Compassion
By Tom Wilken
T hanks to Dale English of the MaleSurvivor newsletter for asking me to write an article
about my experiences working with male sexual abuse survivors in Can-ada As an advocate it seems like the journey of working with survi-vors has many societal obstacles but we are moving forward slowly but surely I often wonder why it is so challenging for Canadians to include male survivors into the circle of compas-sion
In 1991 I accepted a role with the local sexual assault crisis centre and attended one of their training programs On the first day the female facili-tator looked at me and said ldquoyou must be a brave manrdquo I had no idea what she was talking about at the time but I sure do now For the next eleven years I was employed in an adversarial political roller coaster ride that made advocating for men a daunting task Nevertheless I am very thankful for that opportunity I started as a part-time support worker counseling men My posi-tion evolved and included the role of an Education Co-Coordinator The crisis centre found the local
bling fund raising year Since the gender of the clientele was male the crisis centre was unable to top up funding and the male program was removed from the services of-fered by this crisis centre This may sound discriminatory and perhaps even a human rights issue because it is In Canada we pride ourselves in celebrating diversity but unfor-tunately that does not always in-clude the needs of male survivors
Something exciting happened in 2002 Health Canada asked me to update their ldquoAdult Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse - Overview Pa-perrdquo which was distributed throughout the country by the Na-tional Clearinghouse on Family Vio-lence Until that point in time the Overview Paper was predominately written about the concerns of fe-male survivors without any equality for the concerns of male survivors There was some resistance voiced by a crisis centre about a man writ-ing about both genders but Health Canada took a chance and re-quested I complete the Overview Paper that spoke to the similarities and differences regarding the re-covery process of both genders This paper was considered success-ful and a second printing was needed to meet the requests by Canadians This was so rewarding for me and it helped me to realize that there is hope for male survi-vors
Facilitating groups for male survi-vors was an exciting part of my role at the crisis centre Being with men who are being ldquorealrdquo and sup-
ldquoThe Canadian
government has known
for years that 37 of
sexual abuse survivors
under the age of 21 are
male however they do
not open their hearts for
male survivors and
welcome them into the
circle of compassionrdquo
February 2009
Page 17
ple as well The main difference was they responded to their woundedness in a different fashion It is estimated that on any given day there are over 100000 people on probation in the province of Ontario It is also estimated that up to 80 of these folks may have been sexually abused This equates
to 80000 sexual abuse survivors who are on probation most of whom are male We also know that 59 of people in prison are sexual abuse survivors Sadly probation officers are not trained in sexual abuse recovery issues It is interest-ing to note that I work with more male survivors as a Probation Offi-cer than when I worked at the crisis centre When people are not given healthy outlets for expressing their anger it can manifest in less desir-able ways
I started the ldquoWe Want to Knowrdquo project in 2003 which was partially sponsored by the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness and the now
porting one another throughout the healing process is truly a magi-cal experience The men receiving services were both grateful and angry They were grateful to be receiving services but angry these services were not available when they were younger They wondered why so many other male survivors
are not given the same opportunity to heal Seven men from group consented to having their healing journey documented during thirty weeks of group counseling Thus the book Rebuilding Your House of Self Respect Men Recovering from Childhood Sexual Abuse first edi-tion was in the works
In 2002 I accepted a position as a Probation Officer with the Ministry of Community Safety and Correc-tional Services After working with victims for over a decade I won-dered if the adjustment to working with offenders was possible It did-nrsquot take long to realize that people who offended were wounded peo-
closed Windsor Family Forum We were able to fulfill the dream of the seven courageous men from group by distributing copies of the RYHSR book to agencies throughout Can-ada
Millions of dollars are spent in Can-ada for sexual assault crisis centres and other programs for female sur-
vivors These valuable programs for women are underfunded but un-fortunately there are rarely any services specifically for men The Canadian government has known for years that 37 of sexual abuse survivors under the age of 21 are male however they do not open their hearts for male survivors and welcome them into the circle of compassion
In 2007 the Diocese of London Ontario provided funding for my business Hope amp Healing Associ-ates and the Silence to Hope (STH) project was born The Diocese in-creased their funding from $30000
(Continued on page 18)
A Circle of Compassion (uncredited photo)
Vol 2 No 2
Page 18
material to the Ministry of Commu-nity Safety and Correctional Ser-vices the Ministry of Children and Youth Services Victim Services the Ontario Provincial Police and other various other agencies Over 1500 free copies of the second edition of my book Rebuilding Your House of Self Respect Men Recovering in Group from Childhood Sexual Abuse are being distributed to sur-vivors and agencies working with male survivors Lynne MacDonell has received funding from the Arch-diocese of Toronto and is assisting male survivors in central Ontario Her Help amp Hope Project is similar
to the STH project
The STH project was fortunate to partner with Howard Fradkin of MaleSurvivor and his Weekend of Re-covery facilitation team who came to Canada in November 2008 This was quite a treat for Canadian male survivors The expertise of the Frad-kin team provided a
high-caliber experience not nor-mally available to Canadians The feedback from participants indi-cated these men felt truly blessed to be part of this experience In 2009 I hope to write a workbook for male survivors that will accom-pany the second edition of the RYHSR book Ellen Campbell and the CCAA plan to partner with the STH project and provide free cop-ies of this workbook as part of a joint education and awareness pro-gram I am presently updating a Directory of Services for Health
in 2007 to $60000 in 2008 to $75000 in 2009 Thanks to the generosity of the Diocese we are able to provide support groups information and referral services education and awareness pro-grams The Diocese not only wanted us to help males who were victimized by priests but any male survivors
In the early stages we recognized that our communities were not pro-viding a safe and supportive envi-ronment for men to step out of isolation Various agencies were con-tacting me and shared their frustra-tions about not hav-ing places to refer men who were sexu-ally abused as chil-dren It became pain-fully evident how un-educated Canadian service providers are on the needs of men and sexual abuse One of the main focuses of the STH project is our education and aware-ness program and group facilita-tion
As sad as the present situation is for male survivors we are making progress The STH project has part-nered with agencies throughout our area and two agencies from our bigger cities are providing group facilitation on a year round basis We are partnering with the Cana-dian Centre for Abuse Awareness (CCAA) and providing educational
Circle of Compassion (Continued from page 17)
Canada and the National Clearing-house on Family Violence called Combining Voices This directory lists all agencies throughout the Country that provide services to male and female survivors
ldquoCollective denialrdquo is strong throughout Canada but there is HOPE There seems to be an im-portant shift in thinking taking place Several years ago the topic of working with male survivors was not to be spoken about however people are now more receptive to exploring the needs of a much ne-glected portion of the population More men are requesting services and more group counseling oppor-tunities are presenting themselves It appears that more and more Ca-nadian agencies are starting to rec-ognize the importance of including male survivors into the circle of compassion Every time we have articles in the media more men seem to come out of isolation My biggest concerns include the lack of funding by the government If this topic is not talked about and if a safe and supportive environment for men is not created men will go back into silence and isolation This work seems to be driven from the ldquobottom uprdquo and not the ldquotop downrdquo We need good men and women to talk more openly about the needs of male survivors ldquoCollective denialrdquo thrives when good people keep silent Survivors are not living in total isolation they are fathers brothers husbands workers community members and they are valuable human beings
We are proud to join MaleSurvivor in making this world a better place
ldquorsquoCollective denialrsquo is
strong throughout
Canada but there is
HOPE There seems to
be an important shift in
thinking taking placerdquo
February 2009
Page 19
This Boyrsquos Life
By Jordan M
M y life began as any other a happy boy in a happy nuclear family It
was a time when my biggest worry was my brother threatening to tattle on me for sneaking a cookie up to bed I was young and the life I was living was exactly how it should have been carefree and devoid of the messy thoughts and situations which I would soon come to know all too well I was a boy and without trying to sound too clicheacuted I was innocent Pure
My parentsrsquo nasty divorce popped that bubble I loved my family more than anything and the di-vorce ripped us apart Mom and Dad were too busy fighting each other to notice anything that was happening with me or my siblings We were pushed aside used as bargaining tools I felt like a pawn Mom convincing us that Dad was a bad guy Dad convincing us that Mom was to blame Being the third child of five I was lost I withdrew and I stayed as far away from any sort of family situation as I could I didnrsquot know whom to trust
Time passed and things leveled and Mom married again but her taste in men had changed since Dad Her new husband seemed to hate children and he made sure that was known He was a violent man and my family and I paid the price I felt more lost than ever I was all alone in a hell that I was not prepared for Looking for some
kind of calm in this storm I started spending more time with Dad on his farm
Dad had met and moved in with another woman as well and unlike my new step-dad I liked her I thought that this could be my escape I could stay with Dad and be safe Go back to being a kid again Live that normal life I used to have
Not only did Dadrsquos new girlfriend move in so did her brother mdash my new step-uncle of sorts He was great The coolest guy Irsquod ever met We got along he played with me we watched mov-ies we went out we did everything He paid attention to me and I sud-denly felt less alone He was that person whom I could trust He was the man who would help me through all this crap at home He was the one that cared I didnrsquot just have a new step-uncle I had a new friend a new guardian someone who was there for me I latched on I bought his trick mdash hook line and sinker
The sexual abuse began and after the initial shock frankly I got used to it Although I hated it he as-sured me it was ok This is what should be happening between a 12 year old boy and 32 year old man who have a special relationship like
the one we did I believed him All I had to do was comply with his sexual desires and he would remain there for me I was willing to pay that price to keep this man in my life Somewhere in the back of my little mind I knew it was wrong but
I wouldnrsquot tell a soul It was our little secret our special relation-ship Nobody could know but us
It went on for years and for years I grew more and more dis-tant from people from myself and from the world I attempted a few times to get away but there was no where to go Either I live in an abusive hell with Mom or I cater to my step-unclersquos desires at my
Dadrsquos Which is the lesser evil
I went back and forth from house to house each time growing a little more resilient a little harder Time went on and I wasnrsquot that little boy anymore Age was on my side now and I wanted it to stop
Mom did get rid of the mistake she married after a while but soon found a new one and I promised myself that I would not stand for another day in this hell The first time this new guy laid a hand on me I gave Mom an ultimatum him or me She chose him I was gone
(Continued on page 20)
In the First Person
ldquoAlthough I hated [the
abuse] he assured me it
was ok This is what
should be happening
between a 12 year old
boy and 32 year old
man who have a special
relationship like the one
we did I believed himrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 20
been chasing me the whole time and it was catching up
The lure of the big city called me and I began spending nights and weekends in Toronto Attempting to end the emptiness I began searching for ways to fill it I got hooked on drugs became an ad-dict I became hard Mean Nothing could touch me Fear couldnrsquot stand in my way The worst had already happened I thought what I was feeling was freedom but free was the farthest thing from the truth I was trapped trapped in anger and guilt and shame
The deep desire to be taken care of continued to force its way to the surface and take on new extremes My cutting habit that I had devel-
I left home at 16 I figured that anything was better than staying where I was This was going to be a new start for me It was going to be different this time I promised myself that I would make it
I was wrong Again
Life on your own at 16 is not an easy one mdash new city no friends barely any money Schools wouldnrsquot accept me apartments wouldnrsquot let a kid occupy a unit I was alone I was really alone this time It took
time but I eventually managed a bit of a life for myself and was able to get through high school but it didnrsquot come easy My past had
This Boyrsquos Life (Continued from page 19)
oped as a young teen had ex-ploded and I began to brutally beat myself in hopes that somebody would notice maybe take me to hospital Take care of me It didnrsquot work It never worked There was only one thing that worked sex
Hustling made me feel powerful Men would pay to be with me Itrsquos all I felt I was good at seducing men And it was a power that I so badly thought I needed As bad as I was treated the glimpse of con-trol that I felt was enough to keep me going back But all I was doing was allowing myself to be abused
over and over again It just lead me further and further down
The years passed and I lost all feeling I forgot how to feel I knew
A Sliver of Light copy 2009 Timothy Andrew
February 2009
Page 21
only three emotions happiness sadness and anger And it was the anger that consumed me Anything could set me off I was a ticking time-bomb I began to wonder if any sort of normal life would ever happen for me
I was ready to give up to accept that this was what God had planned for me but somewhere inside that messed up 20 year old head of mine there was a sliver of light the same light that was there when I was a child the light that only had to worry about sneaking a cookie up to bed And I knew that that tiny glimpse of light was the real me If I could find a way to broaden its beam I would be able to peel back all the layers of abuse and discover who I really am
I searched I called crisis lines I went to free therapy sessions I attempted to try to understand why I was like I was but I kept hitting dead ends Nobody seemed to know how to help me me a male survivor
Nothing would last The little help I did receive all faded All I really got were programs and information and books and flyers Then I found Lynne MacDonells number I called her late one night She agreed to meet with me and quickly got me
into her mens group ldquoA Time for Menrdquo
The group literally saved my life For the first time I knew I wasnt alone There were other men who had been through what I had been through and they genuinely cared for me It has been over three years
now and it is still difficult Although I have put an end to the coping mecha-nisms mdash the drugs and the cutting mdash itrsquos the feelings that still manage to give me a struggle As survivors we have to sort out our insides Our guts Our feelings All that stuff was ripped out mixed up and thrown back in when we were abused We have to retrain our brains learn how to think how to feel how to trust how to love At times I feel like Irsquom an emotional infant as if my body kept
growing after my uncle abused me but my mind didnrsquot That was the main issue when I finally decided that I needed to be on the path of recovery So I focused and I began
I look forward to those two hours every Monday night because I know I can say and share anything I want and I will not be judged I am safe there I am safe to peel back those layers of abuse and discover the real me who I was really meant to be not this husk of
a human being that I had been living as for so many years
Since joining the group I have finished university got my degree I am free of drugs and self-harming I have a good job and a much healthier lifestyle and I have come out with my secret about sexual abuse
I am not ashamed of who I am anymore It is a long and tough uphill battle and it is still far from over but I know that I have plenty of people helping me fight this battle Our group is more that just a support group We are a family a brotherhood of survivors deter-mined to help each other and spread the word
It was hope That light the real memdashit was hope As survivors some-times all we have to go on is hope and that is why we need to remem-ber that there is ALWAYS hope There never needs to be a dead end That tiny sliver of light exists in all of us you just have to find it
ldquoAs survivors
sometimes all we have
to go on is hope and
that is why we need to
remember that there is
ALWAYS hope There
never needs to be a
dead end That tiny
sliver of light exists in
all of us you just have
to find itrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 22
My Story
by Bruce M
A s I start to write this article I find myself sitting in front of the house where I was
first sexually abused I donrsquot know why I am here but I am Perhaps it is my way of being in control which I certainly wasnrsquot for a very long time It was really not that long ago before I avoided this area of the city entirely mdash never mind sitting on the street in front of the home where I was sexually as-
saulted
I am now 42 years old and have a partner who supports me more than I could have ever asked for I am in love and
although I thought I loved others before now I really know what love is For many years I was so secretly dysfunctional that most people were under the impression that I had it all together but that was furthest from the truth I was a good actor
I grew up in a middle class suburb of Toronto I was the youngest of three kids I was diagnosed with ADD and was given Ritalin to ldquosettle me downrdquo I think that Ritalin was an easy out for my parents I needed more one on one interac-tion and understanding rather than a drug regimen which suited their
needs I clearly remember my pe-diatrician back then coaching my parents on what I needed mdash and many of his recommendations went ignored In their minds it seemed that all I needed was Ritalin
I had very few true friends Most people found my hyperactivity to be too much My mother was a practicing alcoholic (thankfully sober for about 28 years now) and my father was nothing short of physically abusive mdash mainly to my sister and me but also to my brother from what I understand My father had out-bursts of rage during which he would beat me with a dog leash and his fist Once he shoved my head down a toilet and told me that is where I belonged I donrsquot know if many people could appreciate how horrible it was to be told that As long as I live I will never for-get how I felt when he said that
When I was 12 years old I was enrolled in basketball That year I excelled and my team ended up winning the champion-ship This was a great confidence boost that I really needed I had finally found something that I was good at The second year was not so great My assistant basketball
coach was a sexual predator who saw a shy and troubled boy in me and decided that he would look after his own needs This guy was a medical doctor so he knew what he was doing and started what I now understand was a very intense grooming process He talked to me about my hyperactivity my motherrsquos alcoholism and my fatherrsquos abuse As I remember back he brought these things up often while he was getting to know me
After a period of time he invited me to his home one day on the pretence of my coming over to rake leaves Once there he invited me to his basement where he
Moving On
Bruce M
Bruce M during the time of his abuse
February 2009
Page 23
matum He said that if I would not come to his house we could no longer be friends I donrsquot know how I did it but I decided that I did not want to go to his house and that was the end of that I now know that he went on to find an-other victim
For nearly the next two decades I struggled with life To add insult to injury I knew that I was a gay male and after the abuse I figured that this was what a gay relation-ship was like and I didnrsquot want it I lacked direction with almost everything I did For a while I was practically homeless because I was staying with one friend after another putting myself in situations where I could be abused again and again I was con-stantly haunted with
guilt because I was sure that the man who abused me was abusing other boys
Finally one day I came forward and told the police about my abuse They charged this man and I quickly learned that this perpetra-tor was one of the nastiest that I have come across to this day He had deep pockets and fought ruthlessly I was followed by private investigators my friends were approached by private investigators
made it clear that his gentle kind supportive ways would have a cost to me I remember hating the experience This disgusting smelling man was more than repulsive Would you believe that I went back Well I did Most other vic-tims of sexual abuse will under-
stand why better than those who have not been there I wanted to be cared for and listened to so badly that for a while I just put up with the abuse This guy came to my school at lunch and let me drive his car around the back streets I was too young and imma-ture to realize that this was not a kind gesture but more grooming that would give him access to what he wanted Eventually he got an-noyed that I would avoid going to his house so he gave me an ulti-
for interviews and he hired some of Canadarsquos best attorneys to get him out of his charges When I went to court to testify at a prelimi-nary trial he had people there to threaten me in the halls of the court and the bathrooms The criminal case went on and on and eventually to the Supreme Court of Canada for a ruling about my con-sent All in all it has been a very intense process which went on so long that the case was thrown out because of delay He is still not out of hot water because the College of Physicians and Surgeons went after him and I had to testify at that hearing too which is still going on to this day
Last fall I completed my third Weekend of Recovery and al-though I have been in private ther-apy for close to four years and have been a part of a menrsquos group in Toronto nothing compares to the results that I achieved from attending the Weekends of Recov-ery The weekend program and the connections that I made with other guys and therapists have been instrumental in giving me a push forward allowing me to have some happiness and a meaningful rela-tionship which I was never able to have before
Life is not perfect but I can tell you that it is so much better than it was a few years ago and it is getting better all the time
Bruce M during the time of his abuse
Vol 2 No 2
Page 24
nor injury well that was his cue He took me into a medical room and closed the door He examined my knee and soon the subject changed That was the first time that I was sexually assaulted
Over the years this repulsive man be-came my coach in both hockey and baseball He was a central figure at the arena and the base-ball diamond He was the one involved in all the fundraisers and came to be known as ldquothe guy who would do any-thing for the kidsrdquo Most of the parents loved him mdash but not mine He drank with parents partied with them all while he ldquotook carerdquo of us kids
The first time I was abused at the arena I told someone older than I I did so again when I was 15 What was I to do Neither time did the adults take appropriate action and you guessed it everything was swept under the carpet So I did the only thing I knew how to do mdash I stuffed it
Growing up was a difficult time for me because of the abuse and the fact that I suffered with ADHD and anxiety (undiagnosed at the time) My sisters did well in school how-ever I didnrsquot I would work my tail off get a ldquoCrdquo and then would be told to work harder or asked if I
A Victim No More
by Glenn Allan
M y name is Glenn Allan and I grew up in Stoney Creek Ontario Canada
By all rights I should have been dead years ago I am a recovering alcoholic and cocaine addict and I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse I donrsquot want my story to become an ldquoabuse or addiction-aloguerdquo so I wonrsquot get into graphic details or talk about every abusive situation
Please keep an open mind as this is my story
I was wel-comed into a loving yet dysfunctional family in February of 1964 I have four sisters
nine nieces and nephews two great-nieces and one great-nephew My story begins around the age of seven I loved skating and playing hockey I was always told ldquoYoursquove gotta practice to get betterrdquo and so I did I would play as much ice and road hockey as I could and my sis-ters would take me public skating It was at public skating that my abuser first spotted me and as-saulted me I fell during one of those skating sessions and hurt my knee My abuser was a skating monitor that day and when I needed medical attention for a mi-
were dumb My frustrations grew mdash if only they knew that there was a hurting little boy inside But I was a boy who was too afraid to say that he hurt or to cry mdash because ldquobig boys donrsquot cryrdquo I would get teased at home about being stupid or
asked ldquoWhy donrsquot you try harderrdquo
I couldnrsquot defend my-self verbally with my parents because that would have been ldquotalking backrdquo There were times when I would be so angry at them for picking on me for little things and I would think to myself ldquoYou are yell-ing at me for this while he (the abuser) is doing that to merdquo
Talk about frustration and built up rage I was a walking volcano I would fight all the time whether it was at school playing hockey or baseball it really didnrsquot matter why mdash all I knew was I was MAD
Over the years I slowly lost my self-esteem and self-worth I wanted to be anybody but me I idolized ath-letes like Bobby Orr Bobby Clarke and Pete Rose because of their dedication and work ethic Being a class clown I loved comedians (Steve Martin Richard Pryor Robin Williams Johnny Carson) and the entertainer in me loved singers (Elvis) and wanted so badly to be them Then maybe people would like me because there was abso-lutely no way anyone could really
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Glenn Allan
ldquoMy frustrations grewmdash
if only they knew that
there was a hurting little
boy inside But I was a
boy who was too afraid
to say that he hurt or to
crymdashbecause lsquobig boys
donrsquot cryrsquordquo
February 2009
Page 25
like or love me with the things my abuser had made me do
Because of the trauma of being abused I wet the bed until I was about 12 years of age which drained any remaining self-worth or self-esteem that I had left I was so embarrassed And then I had to tolerate ridiculous comments from people saying things like ldquoYou know that you are going to have to stop thisrdquo and ldquoYou are getting too old for thisrdquo No kidding really Did they think that I liked waking up in my own urine Did they not think that I wanted to stop Did they have any idea how their words hurt me Man oh man it was like that all the time They just didnrsquot think before they spoke
Frustrated and over-whelmed in my teens I finally found the ldquofriendrdquo that I had been looking for mdash first name ldquoALrdquo last name ldquoCOHOLrdquo I would be-come a whole new person when I drank booze and how I drank I found a brand new confidence I was somewhat funny when I drank dur-ing the early years of drinking however over time I became de-pressed and extremely angry I would fight in bars on a regular basis Then in December of 1987 I was stabbed outside a bar and nearly died Now you would think that being stabbed and nearly dy-ing would prompt a lifestyle
change or at the very least cause me to take a personal inventory of my situation and myself But not me I wore it as a badge of honour allowing the insanity to continue
It is said that if the drugs and alco-hol donrsquot kill you the lifestyle will During this time and over the years I was introduced to many criminals Their crimes ranged from murder assaults extortion and drug dealing to running massage parlours and prostitution mdash to just name a few One of my acquaint-ances was even a hired killer He
actually assassinated two reputed crime bosses in Ontario and is now serving a lengthy sentence for those and other killings
But I was drawn to their so-called power and complete disregard for the law Looking back on it I guess I was looking to reclaim the power
that was stolen from me by my abuser
In my early twenties I got a job working with Young Offenders as a Correctional Officer With the money I was making I bought a very nice sports car dated pretty women was extremely materialistic and yet I was never satisfied I worked in corrections for about four years During that time I also began my career in the world of entertainment as a voice impres-sionist and stand-up comedian as well as a co-host of a comedy tele-
vision show I had a tremendous ego and unknowingly had be-come rdquoThe Great I Amrdquo
After a couple of years I moved from comedy to producing and host-ing my own sports television program which aired for ten years I had so much fun and I was able to meet and interview some of sportsrsquo big-gest names
In my mid-20s when the alcohol wasnrsquot medicating my pain any longer I turned to
something stronger mdash COCAINE During a span of approximately ten years the combination of alcohol cocaine and all my poor choices cost me most of my jobs many of my relationships and all my money It drove me to criminal activity po-lice charges a conviction and a criminal record But most of all I
(Continued on page 26)
Alone Uncredited Photo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 26
was lost Glenn was slowly dying inside me I became depressed and despondent and I hated so many people But most of all I hated my-self
I had attempted suicide on a few occasions and I really and truly had a death wish I hated myself so much that on Friday January 16 1998 loaded with a supply of co-caine and booze I booked myself into a hotel room with no intention of coming out alive Friday night and Saturday passed with me drinking and getting high on co-caine After having more cocaine delivered to me on Sunday after-noon there was no turning back mdash or so I thought Approximately at midnight on Sunday I made my final decision mdash it was time for me to leave this stinking world I ingested enough cocaine to kill me and then I barricaded my hotel door and ripped the phone out of the wall I lay down on the bed defeated broken sad guilt-ridden ashamed depressed and scared yet so ready to die
Only Divine Intervention mdash some sort of miracle mdash can explain what hap-pened next The police came into my hotel room at just the right time on Sunday night and took me to the hospital Who called them how did they know to come to my room I donrsquot know Well thatrsquos not completely true Today I am a man of faith and as a Christian I know exactly who orchestrated my rescue
A Victim No More (Continued from page 25)
After a brief stay in the hospital I chose to enter the Hamilton Menrsquos Withdrawal Management Centre where I spent eleven days From there I entered an intensive addic-tion treatment centre for a six-week stay followed by a five and one half month stay at a recovery house
I have been clean and sober since Janu-ary 19 1998
I work the program of recovery intensely I was blessed with some incredible therapists who were able to break through my trust issues my rough exterior and my wall of comedy to allow me to heal I also became involved in the 12-Steps and other support groups through which I have found tremendous friendships and men-toring
Recovery is about making changes Al-though my abuser assaulted me until I was 15 years old I blamed him for all of my problems until I was 33 years old I had to change from being a pro-fessional blamer and liar to a man of responsibility character and in-tegrity It wasnrsquot easy however after many tears and lots of hard work life has gotten much better
Over time and through applying these principles I found peace se-renity and forgiveness and I also
learned how to love myself again Everything that was set in motion to harm me as a young man is now what drives me With Godrsquos help today I am able to live humbly honestly open-minded and willing to do whatever it takes to stay clean and sober while doing what I can to help others who face similar
struggles
Today I serve the Ca-nadian Centre for Abuse Awareness as the Director of the Southwestern Ontario office My mission at hand is to create a task force that will be responsible for build-ing a residential pro-gram for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
I am also the Execu-tive Producer and Host of three popular television programs Good News Sports The Edge and Living Clean Living Clean is the only live weekly interactive television program in Canada
that is designed to assist individu-als who suffer with addiction abuse andor mental illnesses
I also host The Glenn Allan Show on a local radio station in Hamil-ton ON Canada
As a motivational speaker my pres-entation entitled Youth Yak Live has enabled me to speak to thou-sands of youth nationwide since 2000 Through Youth Yak Live I
ldquoRecovery is about
making changes
Although my abuser
assaulted me until I was
15 years old I blamed
him for all of my
problems until I was 33
years old I had to
change from being a
professional blamer and
liar to a man of
responsibility character
and integrity
February 2009
Page 27
Male Survivor Groups (MSG)
By Robert Beacuterubeacute Co-founder MSG
M ale Survivor Groups (MSG) was created by a group of male survivors
of childhood sexual abuse follow-ing the death of a fellow survi-vor in Lon-don Ontario Canada The initial objec-tives were to foster cama-raderie and support for one another and also to obtain proper help
for survivors in the London area
Presently our aim is to help all male survivors and also to make our cause known It is open to all male survivors of childhood ado-lescent and adult abuse We have expanded and have supported the creation of groups across Canada and we are prepared to support the creation of groups throughout the World
Groups have been established in London Vancouver Sudbury and North Bay in Canada
Our beliefs
1 Our groups are for male survi-vors of abuse What is said in the group remains there What is stated must remain confiden-
have developed tremendous work-ing relationships with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police Ontario Provincial Police Crime Stoppers local police agencies young of-fender facilities churches self-help groups and alcohol and drug treatment centres
I also facilitate a weekly peer sup-port group for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
There was a time when I thought I would never get married and that no one could love me for who I am Colleen and I met in 1999 We both have similar pasts We both have worked through our abuse issues and are both clean and so-ber In 2001 my best friend and I married and we now have three beautiful children Ashley Brandon and Christopher Spending the rest of my life with Colleen and our family is a dream come true
The opportunity of sharing Godrsquos gifts and blessings with others is truly an honour and a privilege It is imperative that I never take these things for granted
If I can assist you or someone dear to you please donrsquot hesitate to contact me at the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness Ph 905-594-1581 or email glennccfaacom or visit these websites
wwwabusehurtscom wwwlivingcleanca wwwglennallanca
or write to me co CCAA 38 King St East PO Box 66614 Stoney Creek ON L8G 5E5
(Continued from page 26)
tial Anonymity is of the utmost importance unless the survivor has gone public But intimate details of the public person must also remain confidential Confidentiality must be assured
2 We are in the group to heal and to support each other
3 We are male survivors who want to heal and help others in the process We can be as young as 16 or as old as old can be
4 Our primary purpose is our own safe being Secondary purposes are the betterment of services for male survivors and the advancement of our cause
5 We fight on so that we may grow in solidarity
6 We are not a religious group We do use different models of functioning in our different sub-groups Ours is a healing group for more than one prob-lematic issue
7 We encourage partnerships with organisations businesses and agencies that foster the creation of services for male survivors of abuse
We have created a Facebook Group which is also open to FRIENDS who support our cause Our group is establishing partnerships with other male survivor groups in Canada and worldwide You can contact us through the Facebook page or by emailing me at berube55yahooca
Support Groups
Robert Beacuterubeacute
Vol 2 No 2
Page 28
The CCAA By Ellen Campbell [ellenccfaacom]
Founder and Executive Director Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness
A s some of you know the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness (CCAA) is a
national non-government charitable organization dedicated to eliminat-ing child abuse through advocacy education public awareness and prevention programs With help from community and corporate partners the CCAA provides accessible support healing and indi-vidual empowerment for adult survivors their fami-lies and caregivers through over 20 programs Those that listen to classic rock station Q107 in the To-ronto region will recognize us as their charity of choice through Derringerrsquos Thir-teen Days of Christmas campaign
Based in Newmarket On-tario the CCAA is an active and vibrant organization that in addition to its variety of program offer-ings is also involved in public safety advocacy That advo-cacy started with the early release from prison of one of the perpetra-tors in the Maple Leaf Gardensrsquo child sex abuse scandal Many surviving victims were traumatized again this time by the system The
CCAA went public with its concerns that day and the public safety advocacy program was born
Later the CCAA wrote a sweeping report titled Martinrsquos Hope named in memory of Martin Kruze (the first victim to courageously go public with the story of his abuse at the Gardens and who later tragi-cally took his own life) that made 60 recommendations for legislative and policy change to the criminal justice system These recommenda-tions were gleaned from round-
table discussions with over 150 front-line criminal justice system professionals crime victims and survivors To this day members of the Kruze family sit on the CCAA Board of Directors
After the initial public release of the Martinrsquos Hope report in the fall of 2003 I knew that if repairs were to be made to the criminal justice system advocacy would have to be accelerated That advocacy began in earnest in early 2006 with the hiring of John Muise a volunteer with the CCAA and previously a Toronto police officer with signifi-cant experience in legislative and policy advocacy The hire coincided with new political winds blowing in Ottawa The CCAArsquos full-time public
safety program was born
Relationships already in existence were strength-ened new ones were made and the CCAA intensified its advocacy with politi-cians stakeholders and other decision makers In addition the CCAA courted media attention recogniz-ing the opportunity to get our message out
That advocacy included the preparation of written briefs in support of testi-mony before a number of decision making bodies including several appear-ances before the House of Commons Justice Commit-tee
ADVOCACY REWARDED The last three years have brought success on a number of fronts Progress on the criminal justice reform front is rarely if ever the result of one person or just one organization advocating for
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoMartinrsquos Hoperdquo in Memory of Martin Arnold Kruze From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 29
government Although there are specific circumstances under which the age of consent is 16 (or 18) the general age of consent remained at 14 For many in the child protection
world this has been a shame of what is otherwise a devel-oped and civilized land The fight is finally over with the passage and Royal Assent of this legisla-tion in July of 2008 This is a victory for the many people that fought the good fight and most importantly this law allows prose-cution of those adult predators who choose to sexually exploit 14
and 15 year old children
Review of federal corrections policy
In 2007 the federal government ordered an independent review of the federal corrections and parole system The CCAA attended the announcement of that review and subsequently appeared before the review team and provided detailed written recommendations for change The final report included a number of recommendations that the CCAA provided including those contained in Martinrsquos Hope A rollout of some report recommen-dations has already started includ-ing a pilot project for the use of electronic monitoring on serious and violent offenders who are on parole in communities
(Continued on page 30)
Dangerous offenders Having someone declared a dan-gerous offender is very difficult to do In fact there are fewer then 400 declared dangerous offenders in the country This amendment makes it easier to bring a dangerous offender application for a serious repeat con-victed offender before the court The end result should be we hope the detection and declaration of more dangerous offenders Dangerous offender designation is for life and results in indefinite lock-up of the offender with periodic judicial reviews
Community protection orders
Also known as ldquoSection 810rdquo orders they allow the state to monitor the activities of certain subjects mdash no longer under some form of sen-tence or other judicial release but still considered a danger mdash to be placed on a judicial order similar to a bail with control and monitoring conditions The legislation explicitly expands the controls that can be usedmdashfor example electronic moni-toringmdashand extends the length of the order from one year to two
Age of protection For longer than people care to remember advocates have fought to raise the general age of consent from 14 to 16 years of age Until recently those voices have been largely ignored by the federal
change but no one can deny the important roll played by the CCAA in advancing these reforms These are all original recommendations contained in the Martinrsquos Hope report The results as they say speak for themselves and include but are not limited to the follow-ing
Mandatory minimum sentences for Internet chi ld abuse offences
Over time courts have increasingly relied on so called ldquohouse arrestrdquo provisions (see section immediately below) when sentencing offenders found guilty of Internet child abuse and similar kinds of serious child exploitation offences The sen-tences were often way out of pro-portion to the gravity of the crimes Minimum sentences were legislated for a variety of crimes with the net effect of eliminating the ability of the court to impose ldquohouse arrestrdquo
Conditional sentences of imprisonment
Better known as ldquohouse arrestrdquo this measure brought in over a decade ago was being imposed by the courts for ever more serious of-fenders and offences Many violent and dangerous offenders were allowed to serve their term of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo at home Justice and public safety were compro-mised by this provision Although the Bill that finally passed was watered down significantly by opposition party demands the end result was a tightening of the cir-cumstances under which a sen-tence of this kind could be given
ldquoAfter the initial public
release of the Martinrsquos
Hope report in the fall
of 2003 I knew that if
repairs were to be made
to the criminal justice
system advocacy would
have to be acceleratedrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 30
munity committees and inquiries including the Federal Inquiry pre-sided over by Justice Major into the Air India bombing
Moving forward We are delighted to report that John Muise our Director of Public Safety has recently received a Governor-in-council appointment as a full-time member of the Na-tional Parole Board effective in May of 2009 Although this is a big loss
for the CCAA we are thrilled for John and we know that he will bring the same com-mitment to public safety in that position as he did with the CCAA We wish him the very best in this new and challenging role
Much progress has been made in the past three years with
more anticipated The federal gov-ernment has signaled its intention to finish the work it started and attempt a further repeal of condi-tional sentences of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo They have also said that they in-tend on amending certain aspects of parole legislation and moving on tightening up security (including drug interdiction) in federal prisons
As we kick off 2009 the CCAA has the following priorities
Enhanced training for law enforcement off icers involved in chi ld abuse
investigations The introduction of provincial ldquosafe havenrdquo legislation that would pro-
vide a distressed mother who has given birth (within 72 hours) to take her baby to a place of safety (for example fire station police station hospital emergency) no questions asked and drop the baby off The purpose is to avoid the unthinkable mdash dumpster aban-donment murder at birth This legislation exists in all 50 of the United States but has yet to to be introduced in this country
Parole reform In addition the CCAA will work with partners on two parole and corrections recommendations They include legislating breach of parole as an offence for which a police officer has a power of arrest Com-plimentary to this the replacement of statutory release (automatic release after serving two thirds of a sentence) with regular earned parole Both recommendations were included in the final report of the Corrections Review Team and had been provided with others by the CCAA
We at the CCAA believe that much has been done on the criminal justice reform and public awareness front We are grateful for the pro-gress thus far and proud of the part we have played in moving the public safety agenda along
There is still much work to be done and the CCAA will step up to carry on this most important work
Selection of judges In recognition of the importance of the justice selection process the federal government has recently expanded the scope of people selected to sit on the regional Judicial Advisory Committees tasked with vetting potential ap-pointments and providing recom-mendations to the federal Attorney General and Minister of Justice for final selection Although still dominated by judges and lawyers a wider variety of voices and minds is now part of the selection proc-ess This is welcome news I am one of those voices I sit on one of the regional committees itrsquos an appointment we can all be proud of
Gun crime and other victim focused matters
Although outside the specific man-date of the CCAA (and not included in the Martinrsquos Hope report) in recognition of the impact on com-munities and particularly at risk children and youth the CCAA also appeared before the House of Commons Committee in support of mandatory minimum sentences for serious gun crimes and for amend-ments that tighten up the bail system for those charged with serious gun-related offences
In addition several crime victim supportive briefs were prepared for a number of safe school and com-
The CCAA (Continued from page 29)
ldquoWe at the CCAA hellip are
grateful for the progress
thus far and proud of
the part we have played
in moving the public
safety agenda alongrdquo
February 2009
Page 31
higher than its current statistical significance would suggest I would suggest itrsquos about one in four of the men I deal with 25 compared to the 16 suggested in the cur-rent literature If you allow for the fact that many of the men I work with have come from dysfunctional families that have been dysfunc-tional for generations the higher rate of incidence will hardly be surprising
I really had no idea when I started this job that I would have a head-
on collision with CSA No idea at all I was in my pre-survivor life My own past experi-ences were like a dormant volcano Sure some smoke would puff out every now and then for no readily apparent rea-son but no major eruption But as I heard more and more stories told by men in their own abyss of despair and self loath-ing things started to bubble within me
I remember the first man who disclosed to me He did not really intend to He started to tell part of a story and I just knew I just knew What he did say was part of an institutional abuse situa-tion that gained public awareness in the media After that story broke many men came forward as well to tell their story of how they too were abused as boys in a school
Inside
By Geeders (Jim)
W hen I was first asked to write about my experi-ences working in a jail I
wasnrsquot really sure what I could say about it Can I say this or should I say that Was it going to be really negative or show promise of better days ahead And what about me mdashthe new me mdash dealing with issues of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) at the same time as the men I see and work with How the hell was (or is) that going to work Well it is a work in progress after all and one that seems to evolve as I change and as I become more comfortable with my own sense of a new self
Let me begin by saying that there is nothing in this article that would meet the rigours of clinical dissection Equally important I do not work with sexual offenders What I am going to say is purely my experience based on personal observation No scientific analysis can be attributed to it apart from what we already know or suspect One in six men will have been sexually assaulted or abused by the time they are 18 It has long been opined that the number of abused men is actually
setting that was really a cover for juveniles in trouble with the law
The inmate I was working with did not come forward at that time He couldnrsquot His disclosure to me was the first time he had ever said anything about his abuse No one else knew mdash no one He was alone His pain was palpable and obvious His shame and guilt were profound Never had he admitted to himself what had happened in that school let alone admitted to a total stranger until that very moment I listened to his pain tried to console him just let him cry Eventually over the course of a couple of interviews it became obvious to me why he was in jail Any self-esteem that he had as a boy or young man was destroyed by his abuse His very essence was rewritten by the men who had abused him Teens get into trouble but they can also learn to later stay out of it by fol-lowing the teachings of those they trust But for this young man his ability to trust was destroyed by the very people who were sup-posed to care for him nurture him and dare I say it love him appro-priately What was even more tragic is that this man came from a cul-ture that has low tolerance for anything that even remotely resem-bles homosexuality
Being abused sent this man on a downward spiral that ultimately turned him into a drug addict by his own admission a junkie who hated himself for what ldquohe had
(Continued on page 32)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoOver the course of
several related careers I
have seen a lot of good
being done Irsquove also
seen a lot of ugliness
that even by todayrsquos
standards defies the
most common
sensibilities we have as
human beingsldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 32
donerdquo His shame and guilt and culture prevented him saying any-thing about what happened It cut him off from any legal action that might take place and removed any sort of financial compensation that he might gain as a result of his abuse It eventually cut him off from his own family because his drug abuse prevented him from working and supporting his wife and family It destroyed his ability to be a good dad and husband A few years later I saw him back in jail again
When I did encounter him again it was with an in-creased sense of awareness within me Every time a man disclosed to me that he had been sexually abused or assaulted I started to die inside A little piece of me just died every time a man said to me what I could not say to myself or anyone else That dormant volcano started to fume a bit more regularly
Over the course of several related careers I have seen a lot of good being done Irsquove also seen a lot of ugliness that even by todayrsquos standards defies the most common sensibilities we have as human beings It exists Itrsquos around every corner if we choose to look at it Along with the ugly we have the good We have people who are willing to take a stand and come forward to say to the world ldquoWe
Inside (Continued from page 31)
have a problem here itrsquos not going to go away and it needs to be fixedrdquo I had the good fortune to meet many of these people last year at a conference on male sex-ual victimization By then I had been able to learn from the men that I serve that perhaps I too could learn to tell someone Could I be a survivor too
Men in jail are there for a reason Whether itrsquos to protect society while they await trial or from
themselves or while sentenced they are here Whether I think they should be here is irrelevant They are usually at the end of their ropes Their lives are upside down and in turmoil They are frequently in withdrawal from illicit drug use They are in the bottom of a pit from which there does not appear to be an escape or refuge They are desperate and will act desperately
if needed They are angry and no longer have any control over their lives Someone has taken that control away from them They have no choice but to comply Failure to comply results in loss of privileges which can include being prohibited from contact with those they love the most Forced co-habitation with other men can evoke strong memories of prior abuse which they cannot deal with let alone understand It can be isolation
They are alone and cannot speak about their issues for fear of being discovered and further stigmatized and trau-matized by a peer group that cannot tolerate differences or diversity
I have been fortunate in that for some reason men trust me and feel safe and able to disclose And when they do you can see the relief on their faces They are scared for sure but it has always seemed to be a relief I have to ask them I have no choice because itrsquos part of my job But now as a survivor myself I can tell them they are not alone I cannot tell them about me but I can tell them they are not alone that they
are among the approximately one in six men who are assaulted or abused when they are boys or young men I can tell them about the few resources we have avail-able for men which are a 100 improvement compared to what they had when they first walked into my office I tell them about MaleSurvivor and have MS posters up in my office I can tell them that
ldquoTougher than lsquoNamrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 33
Maybe not I prefer to think that I have shown them that there is hope There is life in being a survi-vor they donrsquot have to be held hostage any longer by a secret that was put upon them by an abuser I prefer to think that I have been able to show them that they do not have to be ashamed for being male When I speak with them Irsquom a straight shooter I calls rsquoem as I sees lsquoem I use words they can understand mdash street language mdash which helps them understand their bodies and to understand that Mother Nature made them to be reactive and responsive I tell them that simply because their bodies reacted that their bodies re-sponded while being abused did not make the abuse their fault It takes a while to get there at times But the relief when the penny drops and they realize that they themselves were in no way respon-sible for the abuse is quite remark-able
Just this week Irsquove been working with a man who actually smiled when he came into my office He said ldquoI finally get it It wasnrsquot my faultrdquo He then went on to tell me that immediately prior to his at-tending in my office he had just disclosed to his sister while on the phone in his jail area surrounded by other inmates While it was perhaps not the safest venue for a disclosure he made his own deci-sion He said he was taking control As a 35 year old this man has not been in control since he was first abused at age seven Subsequent abuse only reinforced for him that he was an object a thing not worth anything Relationship after relationship failed him as he con-tinued to relive issues of abandon-
there are over 6000 people regis-tered at MS and that when they get out they will find tremendous support at the MS website I can tell them about Weekends of Re-covery without disclosing that attending a WOR was one of the best things I have done with my life They will know that they are no longer alone And not once has anyone asked me directly about me If they did I could not reply which in a round about way is a reply But I cannot reply Why The institution that I work in can be as intolerant of differences and diver-sity as the inmates are of each other The whole notion of male abuse and assault simply does not exist It is not spoken of It will not be spoken of mdash until now
Because abuse is now spoken of I have been able to create a support network for inmates and for myself Itrsquos a small step but a step never-theless Itrsquos spoken of now at a level never before reached in terms of official support and direction Support has yet to be defined but I have a mandate now to do a better job for male survivors Itrsquos on paper Itrsquos my goal
Safety of all concerned has to remain first and foremost mdash safety for the inmate safety for me With inmates disclosing to me often for the first time I am struck by what happens next A huge can of worms is opened And for what There is little safety here little opportunity to follow up The court system tosses these men around like dice One day they are here the next they are God knows where Have I done something that perhaps I shouldnrsquot have Maybe
ment physical and sexual abuse sexual orientation confusion anger management substance abuse domestic violence self respect low self esteem boundaries mdash these and much more impact upon this man daily But hersquos making a start Itrsquos another chance We all need them
I would be remiss to not mention the support of my colleagues Some of them do know about me and they have been tremendously supportive and understanding They too share a belief that it is possible for men to become survivors I cannot imagine doing this work everyday without their ongoing support I love you guys
The resources I refer to are few the Menrsquos Project in Ottawa The Gate-house in Toronto as well as local sexual assault centres I discovered on my own road to recovery that our local sexual assault centre does in fact offer services to men but does not advertise this due to the fear of being inundated with refer-rals They simply are not equipped to handle what surely lies out in my community When the report of the Cornwall Inquiry comes out later this year it is my belief that it will force our government our society to re-examine how its treatment of boys and men is provided Hope-fully those who are like I was feeling alone fearful uncomfortable in their own skin will feel more enabled to come forward to shed that skin that was put on them by their abuser(s) and step out of the ordinary letting their souls ascend and become free
Vol 2 No 2
Page 34
A History of Male Survi-vor Services in Queacutebec
and First Nations Communities
By Caroline Benamza (dance and drama therapistpsychotherapist at CRIPHASE)
And by Benoicirct St Jean (Director of CRIPHASE)
Contact Tel +1-514-529-55-67 Email infocriphaseorg
Website wwwcriphaseorg
T he latest statistics in Queacutebec show that one out of every six men has been sexually
abused before the age of 18 but there are very few statistics regard-ing male survivors and this estima-tion is only based on reported abuse Most adult men or boys who are survivors go unnoticed because most of the services in Queacutebec are exclusively for women In 2008 the male population in Queacutebec was about 3800000 of which about 3000000 are above 20 years of age (from the Institut de la Statistique) Therefore we can estimate that in Queacutebec there are around 500000 male survivors actually visible within the different health care services justice system and police departments The num-ber is already frightening for a seemingly peaceful society like Queacutebec When it comes to Native American communities as many as 80 of boys have been sexually abused before the age of 18 This number is quite similar mdash but for different reasons mdash to the male population within the Federal or Provincial prisons
The reality of male survivors of sexual abuse in childhood has remained in the dark for years in Queacutebec and it is only in the last four years that the government has acknowledged the necessity of funding counseling services for male survivors Historically it can be explained The first services for survivors have been developed since the 1960s within the very strong Queacutebeacutecois feminist move-ments The women have built along the years a strong network of ser-vices for female vic-tims of sexual abuse and domestic vio-lence Today these services still exist as the CALACS (Centres dAide et de Lutte contre les Agressions agrave Caractegravere Sexuel = Sexual Assault Cen-tres) network for survivors of sexual abuse Due to a strong belief in pro-viding a safe haven for women survivors men were turned away from these services and had nowhere to go Only two survivorsrsquo centres in the Montreal area outside the CALACS network welcomed men but those men represent only 5 of clients
This situation became obvious when the CAVAC (Centre drsquoAide pour les Victime drsquoActes Criminels = Crime Victims Assistance Centres) started to provide counseling ser-
vices to victims of criminal acts who wished to press charges and go through a court procedure The first services in Queacutebec for male survivors therefore came from a strong need in the society In 1996 the CAVAC decided to fund an experimental program directed by Denis Reneacute to offer a support group for male survivors This program was named the PHASE Groups (Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = For Men Sexually Abused in Child-
hood) With the suc-cess of these first groups between 1996 and 1997 the CAVAC of Montreal tried to secure funding for the continuation of services Unfortu-nately the PHASE Groups suffered from the double status it carried within the government the Minister of Justice that was the main funder of the CAVAC refused to fund a counseling service supposedly to be funded by the Health Minister Later the Health Minister turned down the
funding because as part of CAVAC the program should have been funded by the Minister of Justice
So it was in 1997 that Denis Reneacute decided to secure the future of the PHASE Groups by registering them
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoWhen it comes to
Native American
communities as many
as 80 of boys have
been sexually abused
before the age of 18
This number is quite
similarmdashbut for different
reasonsmdashto the male
population within the
Federal or Provincial
prisonsrdquo
February 2009
Page 35
intimacy and sexuality issues) and PHASE Artistique (a 10 weeks art and movement therapy program) with a holistic approach to body and mind recovery
In 2008 the very first weekend of recovery (named PHASE Weekend) was created and CRIPHASE wishes to make the weekend an annual event In 2003 for the first time
CRIPHASE became a full member of the Table de Concertation en Agressions Sexuelles (a gathering of several organizations providing services to survivors in addition to representatives from the Justice the Health Minister and the police) This cooperation allows a better understanding of survivor issues and needs as well as a better coor-
within a non-profit organization that took the name CRIPHASE (Centre de Resources et drsquointervention Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = Resource and Intervention Centre for Men who have been Sexually Abused in Childhood) For 10 years the Groups have survived on pri-vate funding and have provided two recovery Groups called PHASE 1 and PHASE 2 Each PHASE is a 10-week program serving non-offending male survivors over 18 years of age and of all sexual orienta-tions With its first public funding in 2004 of $38000 a director was en-gaged by the board of administration and in 2008 the PSOC (a funding body within the agency of Health and Social Services) fi-nally secured the future of CRIPHASE with a first major funding rooting CRIPHASE in the circle of sexual abuse survivors centres
Since 2006 CRIPHASE has devel-oped a major politics of visibility through the media conferences and meetings with the different actors of the Queacutebeacutecois stage Three more programs have been developed within CRIPHASE PHASE Conjoint (for partners of male survivors) PHASE Sexo (a 10 weeks program of recovery focusing on
dination of services on the ground From within the Table CRIPHASE has been able to educate people on the issue of male survivors and participate or initiate projects such as the Information Guide for Sexual Assault Victims and the first pre-vention mobilization and aware-ness march for sexual abuse survi-vors in 2008 The presence of CRIPHASE at the Table has also
allowed the feminists within the CALACS to have a better under-standing of the suffer-ing of male survivors who are also victims in their own way of an old patriarchal system CRIPHASE was also finally incorporated in the CALACS coordina-tion groupmdashcalled Table des CALACS mdash in 2008
Until 2008 there were no services provided in English (Queacutebec is a French-speaking province where Eng-lish speakers are a minority) due to lack of funding to translate the PHASE 1 docu-ments and employ English-speaking therapists The project
to offer groups in English had been put aside for years but finally in 2008 the first groups of PHASE 1 and 2 opened for English speakers The PHASE Artistique and PHASE Weekend are now bilingual pro-grams
(Continued on page 36)
Phone calls received at CRIPHASE
male survivors
therapists
relatives and loved ones
other
The average male survivor using the services at CRIPHASE is aged between 35 and 55
Vol 2 No 2
Page 36
Male survivors in the Native American
communities Recovery programs within Native American communities are only starting Many Native American men were sexually abused as well as psychologically and emotionally abused when they were sent to boarding schools across the province for assimila-tion The effects of this traumatic experience (including historic trauma) can be seen in all First Nations of Queacutebec Algonquians Cris Innus Abenakis Innuits Micmacs and so forth Today there is a strong need of heal-ing for this lost gen-eration but traumatic experiences and con-sequences have been passed on to the next generations Unfortu-nately sexual abuse is one of these problems which need to be addressed through prevention and coun-seling in a way that will integrate Native American traditions and their holistic ap-proach to medicine Such programs already exist within some communi-ties Organizations like GRIPMA (Groupe de Recherches et dInter-ventions Psychosociales en Milieu Autochtone = Research and Inter-vention group in Aboriginal Com-munities) located in the Huron
History of Male Survivor Services (Continued from page 35)
community of Wendake (near Queacute-bec city) provide a clinical expertise in intervention within Native Ameri-can communities On the other side the Aboriginal Healing Foun-dation based in Ottawa is currently funding 16 recovery projects for the First Nations in Queacutebec ad-dressing sexual abuse addiction prevention of suicide boarding schools trauma etc until 2010
Last year the publication of the five-year funding plan on sexual abuse by the provincial govern-ment of Queacutebec has seen the recognition of male survivors as a population in great need of ser-vices It has also recognized the necessity of providing services to the First Nations communities
Things are changing in Queacutebec for male survivors Because CRIPHASE is the only organization providing support and counseling to men in Queacutebec who have been sexually abused in childhood there is great hope for an increase of funding this year The constant develop-ment of CRIPHASE and the increase in phone calls and numbers of guys within the services (in 2008-
2009 there will be seven groups of PHASE 1 in-stead of five the year before) also show that men in Queacutebec are get-ting the right information on sexual abuse and services and are being encouraged to look for help and engage in re-covery
If you are one of these men in Queacutebec we are waiting for your call Remember you are not alone
For the annual march event please visit wwwmarchevasca (Information for the May 2009 march will be on line from February 2009)
Quilt Square by a Native Child from Alberta From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 37
MaleSurvivor is men surviving sexual abuse in Canada we will start with Canadarsquos sad legacy of abuse of children by clergy
A Brief Incomplete Canadian History
In Canada our First Nations People have had to bear the legacy of abuse they endured in Canadarsquos notorious residential schools Cur-rent issues of addictions and family and mental health problems amongst our First Nations people can be traced back to the legacy of abuse experienced by Native chil-dren in residential schools
Around 1874 the federal government began working with the churches (Catholic Anglican United and Presbyte-rian) to set up the Residential School System as a means to suppress Native cul-ture and promote assimilation In gen-eral children between the ages of five and 16 were taken from their parents and sent to church-run residen-tial schools The extent of the abuse in these church-run schools has been referred to as the ldquoCanadian Holocaustrdquo Recently the Canadian Government formed the Truth and Reconciliation Commis-sion (TRC) as part of the court-approved Indian Residential Schools Settlement Agreement The
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious
Leader By Nancy N Mayer MSW RSW
Partner Crisci amp Mayer Consultation Counselling and
Training Toronto wwwckmconsultationcom
Introduction
L ikely all the readers of this newsletter have knowledge and expertise about men
being physically sexually and emotionally abused Research tells us that abusers can come from any
walk of life and most often are known to the child or adult In the last decade abuse by clergy has finally ldquocome out of the closetrdquo so to
speak thanks to those brave survi-vors who have made public their experiences of being abused by clergy More than ever survivor groups are encouraging victims to report these crimes to the police and to consider seeking civil re-dress for their injuries Many groups believe that change in churches will only come when they are held accountable for the abuse perpetrated by clergy
This article will attempt to address the distinctive issues that are com-mon to this population of survivors Because the focus of this issue of
purpose of the commission is not to determine guilt or innocence but to create an historical account of the residential schools help people to heal and encourage reconciliation between Aboriginal and non-aboriginal Canadians
The notorious Mount Cashel Or-phanage is another Canadian leg-acy of sexual abuse by clergy This facility was operated in Newfound-land by the Christian Brothers More than a dozen priests were convicted after decades of abusing young boys at the orphanage
Mount Cashel Or-phanage closed in 1989 just six months after allegations of sexual physical and emotional abuse were published by the media (For more in depth information see Harris Michael Unholy Orders Trag-edy at Mount Cashel Ontario Viking Press 1990)
Like the US there have been hundreds and perhaps thou-sands of cases of children and vulner-
able adults abused by clergy in every religious denomination Unlike the US our country is not bound as strictly by statutes of limitations so lawsuits can proceed more freely Our sentences for convicted clerical sex offenders are
(Continued on page 38)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Nancy N Mayer
ldquo[First Nations] children
between the ages of five
and 16 were taken from
their parents and sent to
church-run residential
schools The extent of
the abuse in these
church-run schools has
been referred to as the
lsquoCanadian Holocaustrsquoldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 38
nowhere near as severe as those of our American neighbours Most first offenders will not serve a day in jail The civil awards for personal inju-ries are also quite low Our court system promotes set-tling these cases out of court When a case fails to go to trial it is not part of the public re-cord The widespread use of confidentiality orders media fatigue and Canadian reserve means that it is impos-sible to obtain accurate statistics on how often men are abused by clergy or even the ex-tent of the problem in this country
The Authority of Rel igious Leaders Religious organizations have always played a central role in our so-cieties They provide moral ethical and spiritual guidance Reli-gious teachings have given us a context and meaning for our lives Most religious belief revolves around a divine power or God Religious leaders (ministers priests rabbis elders nuns) are thought to be Godrsquos earthly repre-sentatives and are treated with reverence and respect They have intimate involvement with families and children at such vulnerable times as an illness death or other family crises They may have access
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 37)
to confidential information by virtue of their roles of confessor or counsellor A child brought up by religious parents is taught to re-spect these men and women Oth-ers associated with churches mdash choir leaders teachers cantors youth group leaders mdash are also considered trustworthy by virtue of their close
association with their religious organizations Most parents en-courage their childrenrsquos participa-tion in church-based activities believing them to be safe and wholesome
These leaders are considered to be esteemed authorities and as repre-sentatives of God wield a great deal of power Depending on the faith group there may be teachings
that support an unquestioning adherence to their instructions and guidance This makes children and vulnerable adults particularly sus-ceptible to exploitation by this group because they have access opportunity and trust
Misuse of Power Perpetrators can utilize their positions of power and trust to gain access to their victims some-times for extended periods of uninterrupted time They may tell children that they are being asked to ldquoserve Godrdquo or that they or their families will be punished if they do not do as instructed Chil-dren may be threatened with eternal damnation or blamed for leading the religious leader into sin If the religion con-siders premarital sex or same sex contacts as sinful the guilt will be compounded
In most cases the victim will not disclose or may disclose but not be
believed A child will have a difficult time convincing adults that he or she has been victimized The vic-timrsquos family culture or communi-ties have been socialized to see their religious leaders as unques-tionably good and incapable of lies This can lead to others denying or minimizing the victimrsquos experience of abuse The victim is initially harmed by the abuser and then is revictimized by those who cannot
ldquoMay Hope be Passed through Every Handrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 39
institutionrsquos response and lack of compassion and pastoral care
The Impact on Spir ituality
The frequently used term ldquosoul murderrdquo aptly describes what hap-pens when the abuser is a religious leader When the response of the religious institu-tion to a disclosure of abuse is experienced as self-serving and uncaring the survivor will likely lose his faith in the religious community of which he has been a part To belong and to feel connected is a basic human need When abused by clergy the loss of connection and belonging to what may have been a spiritual anchor can be devastating
To compound the harm the abuse may have occurred in a religious building The abuser may have worn traditional cleri-cal attire or may have made religious or biblical refer-ences As a result being exposed to religious symbols music or any other reminder can trigger flashbacks and other uncomfortable physical symptoms
The cleric is often considered Godrsquos representative on earth This gives the cleric power that surpasses his position and status When abuse is at the hands of a minister nun
accept that their spiritual leaders are capable of abuse There are many stories of clergy abuse survi-vors being abandoned by their religious communities (who side with the cleric) and their families who cannot face leaving the church that has given their lives meaning and comfort The resultant feelings of betrayal and abandonment are profound
The Role of the Religious Inst itutions
When religious institutions hold themselves up as ethical compasses and arbitrators of right and wrong society has an expectation that church leaders will act in a fair and moral way Many US Commissions and Grand Juries and Canadian reports such as the Winter Com-mission Report (Archdiocese of St Johns Newfoundland Canada 1990) Child Abuse in Community Institutions and Organizations and Improving Public and Professional Understanding (prepared for the Law Commission of Canada) all record and explain the dynamics that have lead to the failure of religious institutions to protect our children
While it is well known that any institution mdash educational recrea-tional or spiritual mdash is not immune from having sex offenders in its midst the religious institutions have a particular legacy of protect-ing the institution through aggres-sive legal tactics versus truth telling and reconciliation Many victims state that they have been less wounded by the actual abuse and profoundly more damaged by the
priest rabbi minister or elder the recipient of the abuse may experi-ence profound guilt for ldquoparticipatingrdquo in ldquosinfulrdquo behaviour mdash a mistaken belief that he is respon-sible for the abuse or shame that
he has ldquosinnedrdquo He may believe he is deserving of rejection or eternal damnation If he confesses he risks exposing the cleric who has likely done what he could to trick the victim into believing that he must maintain silence and secrecy One survivor describes feeling that rdquoIt was like being abused by God him-self If even God couldnrsquot love me how could anyone else ever love merdquo
These factors alone can leave a man who has been abused by clergy unable to find comfort and solace in what used to be his spiritual beliefs and his church Without these familiar beliefs the survivor is aban-
doned and alone when he most needs support
The Role of Gender While woman are ordained in some denominations there is still an imbalance of power between men and women in many religious tradi-tions For boys and men abused by male clerics embarrassment and
(Continued on page 40)
ldquoThe frequently used
term lsquosoul murderrsquo aptly
describes what happens
when the abuser is a
religious leader When
the response of the
religious institution to a
disclosure of abuse is
experienced as self-
serving and uncaring
the survivor will likely
lose his faith in the
religious community of
which he has been
a partrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 40
concerns of how they will be per-ceived promote silence For the boy or man abused by a female cleric there may be worries that he will be labelled the seducer or pres-sured to consider this ldquorelationshiprdquo as non-abusive
The study conducted by the John Jay Col-lege of Criminal Jus-tice regarding The Nature and Scope of the Problem of Sexual Abuse of Minors by Priests and Deacons in the Catholic Church (Washington DC USCCB 2004) found some very disturbing information about the age and gender of victims The largest group of reported victims (509) was between the ages of 11 and 14 273 of victims were 15 to 17 16 were eight to 10 and nearly 6 were under age seven Overall 81 of vic-tims were male and 19 female Male victims tended to be older than female victims Over 40 of all victims were males between the ages of 11 and 14
The largest group of reported victims in this study consisted of boys who were entering puberty This is a tumultuous time in most
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 39)
young menrsquos lives To have this period of development disrupted can contribute to many mental health problems including lack of confidence disruption of emo-tional sexual and psycho-social development isolation sexual identity confusion depression anxiety and abuse of substances
In Summary The harm experienced by those
who are abused by clergy is profound and multifaceted Some therapists will not want to work with survivors of clergy abuse due to the complexity of their issues their limited knowledge of the subject area possible religious biases and potential for litigation Most (but certainly not all) survivors will have experienced revictimization by their churches or religious institutions This compounded by abuse by a religious leader in a position of power will under-standably lead to unique challenges Survivors will have
significant trust issues that can impede the forming of a trusting therapeutic relationship with a therapist who will also be in a position of power and may be an employee of an institution With transparency and skill on the part of the therapist and tenacity on the part of the survivor effective thera-
peutic partnership can be achieved While recovery is difficult it is possible
The irony is that many survivors of abuse by clergy have a strong sense of integrity morality and perseverance They learned the lessons that the ldquoreligiousrdquo offend-ers failed to learn At the core of their beings these clergy abuse survivors are the prophets who have come to speak the truth and reveal the abuse and the decep-tions It is this desire for social justice truth telling belonging and connection that will allow a healthy spiritual belief system to rise out of the ashes of what has happened It is this healthy spiritual belief that makes many clergy abuse survivors persistent and tenacious in seeking recovery and social justice They are making a difference and chang-ing the world as we know it
ldquoThe harm experienced
by those who are
abused by clergy is
profound and
multifaceted Some
therapists will not want
to work with survivors
of clergy abuse due to
the complexity of their
issues their limited
knowledge of the
subject area possible
religious biases and
potential for litigationldquo
February 2009
Page 41
tion of it earlier in the lsquo90s but 1997 is when there was a critical mass of mostly male survivors coming forward and taking action against Maple Leaf Gardens Your question specifically was ldquoDid it play a role in my choice of ca-reersrdquo
MS Yes
SJ Yes and no The Maple Leaf
Gardens cases were not my first sexual assault cases but my in-volvement in these cases solidified my interest and desire to help sur-vivors
MS Could you take a few minutes to explain to our readers just what the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal was and why it has played a central role in revealing the extent of sex-ual abuse at least in the Toronto area
of my clients will say something like ldquoYou know this is not about the money I donrsquot care how much I get this is about something elserdquo And whatever that person seeks mdash an apology or the empowerment of filing a lawsuit or a million other unique things mdash that is why I do this kind of work Itrsquos about helping people through whatever process they need in order to begin that healing process the moving forward process
MS And also to provide your clients with a sense of justice
SJ Absolutely Justice is really not about the money itrsquos about the knowledge that theyrsquove come forward theyrsquove done something and theyrsquove empowered themselves It takes a tre-mendous amount of courage to do that I am always in awe of my cli-ents for the amount of courage they have They are my inspiration
MS Many Americans are unaware of the so-called Maple Leaf Gar-dens sex scandal that began some-time in the 1960s but didnrsquot come to wide public attention until 1997 the year after you began practicing law Did this scandal have some affect on your choice of career
SJ Actually the scandal did come to prominence before 1997 There was scattered media atten-
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 1)
SJ Sure There was a series of men who were employed at Maple Leaf Gardens which was the home of the Toronto Maple Leafs mdash the hockey club mdash who over a period of a couple of decades sexually abused probably hundreds of chil-dren It started in the lsquo60s it went on we believe until the early lsquo80s There were two principal men in-volved but there were at least three
others who also were ac-cused In order to under-stand why the Maple Leaf Gardens sex scandals are as important as they are you have to understand that hockey in Toronto and hockey in Canada is almost a religion Hockey is to Canadians what the NFL or Major League Baseball is to Americans Every little boy dreams of about becoming the next Wayne Gretzky becoming the best hockey player he can be Maple Leaf Gar-dens was the home of one of the best loved and biggest hockey teams mdash the Toronto Maple Leafs The Gardens was the high
temple of hockey in Canada and still is In the lsquo60s lsquo70s and even the lsquo80s children mdash mostly boys mdash would go to Maple Leaf Gardens usually unaccompanied by their parents because back then nobody really thought that anything bad would happen to them at the Gar-dens The boys would go there ei-ther for practice games or to watch the Maple Leafs play or more likely they would go to watch To-
(Continued on page 42)
ldquoMaple Leaf Gardens in Memory of Martin Kruzerdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 42
ronto Marlies games The Marlies were the farm team for the Toronto Maple Leafs During these games and these practices the pedophiles who worked at the Gardenrsquos would often befriend these boys seeking out boys who were more vulner-able than others most likely and would sexually assault the boys sometimes off-property but most often within the Gardens itself They would use their position as employees of the Gardens to be able to say to the boys if you come with me Irsquoll get you a broken hockey stick or hockey puck or Irsquoll get you into better seats the next game or whatever other type of inducement would be necessary to get the boys to go with them into either a washroom or a training room or other private place where the boys would be sexually abused
In 1997 there were about 50 or 60 cases all joined to-gether and Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Entertainment Ltd wanted to settle all the cases prior to the Toronto Maple Leafs moving into a new hockey rink called the Air Canada Center so as to have a clean slate at the new rink By and large a lot of the litigation was fin-ished before the team moved into the Air Canada Center but not all of it In fact there are probably 17 or 19 cases going through the court
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 41)
system today more than 10 years after the original large group of plaintiffs went through the court and I believe that new people will continue to come forward when they are strong enough
MS I understand that one of the principal plaintiffs in the case Mar-tin Kruze had settled with the owners or the operators of the Ma-ple Leaf Gardens in 1995 and that he signed a confidentiality agree-ment not to reveal the settlement
or perhaps even the details of what had happened to him Do you think that the confidentiality agree-ment Mr Kruze agreed to slowed down or hindered the full exposure of this scandal
SJ I think that any confidentiality agreement blocks public access to knowledge and to understanding so I do suspect that Martinrsquos confi-dentiality agreement did have some impact on the scandal re-
maining hidden for as long as it did Absolutely yes I believe that confidentiality agreements are in-herently difficult for plaintiffs be-cause they create and continue a cycle of secrecy Sexual assault is a crime that is almost always carried out in secret and the guilt and shame it produces is key in helping pedophiles maintain their hold over their victims Putting a confidential-ity agreement on a settlement just perpetuates the guilt and the shame
MS Unfortunately Martin Kruzersquos principal perpetrator received a shockingly light sen-tence for all his actions and I understand that this led to Martin com-mitting suicide shortly afterwards
SJ I would think that the perpetratorrsquos sentence was a part of why Martin chose to end his life yes It hap-pened relatively shortly after the sentencing and I suspect that it weighed heavily on Martinrsquos decision
MS Do you think that the sen-tence that the perpetrator received was a reflection of the then current attitude towards pedophiles and sexual abuse
SJ The sentence that the perpe-trator received was a reflection on the way that the Canadian justice system deals with criminals regard-ing personal crimes absolutely It was a very low sentence in keep-
Imants Kruze visiting his sonrsquos memorial quilt square in the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 43
obtain here versus how much they can obtain in the United States In the United States there is no cap for pain and suffering awards whereas here in Canada there is a very small cap mdash about $325000 If a survivor of sexual assault goes through the court system and even if they have a very good day in court in terms of compensation yoursquore probably looking at an award for dam-ages somewhere be-tween $200000 and $500000 Sometimes itrsquos actually less than $200000 and very very rarely more than $500000 so in that sense we are defi-nitely behind But I donrsquot think itrsquos a question of waiting 10 years to see if we ldquocatch uprdquo I think itrsquos just a fundamental difference in how our court system works and whatrsquos available to survivors in terms of compensation
If you mean that Canada is 10 years behind in dealing with other aspects of sexual assault then you are probably correct in terms of media attention public awareness and outrage Sexual assault is still largely an unreported unprose-cuted crime But things are getting better every day and as more and more survivors come forward posi-tive changes will continue to hap-pen
MS As Irsquom sure you know therersquos periodic discussion about tort re-
ing with what was handed out at the time and to a large extent itrsquos still in keeping with what is handed out right now
MS Are you still representing or have you represented anyone who is a plaintiff in this scandal
SJ I was very much involved in the core group of Maple Leaf Gar-dens survivors that came forward in 1997 I was on what was called the plaintiffsrsquo committee back then which was a group of a few lawyers who brought the litigation forward I represented a number of plaintiffs in the original group that came forward I have also represented quite a few men throughout the last 10 years and currently repre-sent two men in the last group of plaintiffs to come forward I have also been approached by at least two other men who may decide to pursue litigation
MS Dale English mdash who has spo-ken to you at some length mdash has said to me that either you or he or both of you have felt that Canada is perhaps 10 or more years behind the US in dealing with the issues of sexual abuse and sexual assault Could you elaborate on that com-ment
SJ I think it depends on what you mean by dealing with the is-sues If you mean dealing with the issues in terms of bringing civil cases forward to a certain extent we are behind One of the funda-mental differences between the United States and Canada is the way that our tort systems operate and specifically the amount of compensation that tort victims can
form in the United States mainly aimed at capping punitive dam-ages Irsquom wondering whether there is the mirror of that in Canada mdash whether therersquos any movement to-wards tort reform that would allow greater awards to victims
SJ Well there is and there isnrsquot In Canada itrsquos very difficult if not
impossible to get pu-nitive damages espe-cially if therersquos a criminal conviction The punitive damages that are available in Canada are very low A typical punitive damage award would be $20000 or $25000 - usually not much more than that So damages are quite restricted here in any event In terms of tort reform I think there is a global push by in-surance companies to
try to limit compensation whether in the States or here The things that the American Association of Justice are fighting for down in the States are the same things that the Ontario Trial Lawyers Association are fighting for here mdash the continued ability to sue for compensation un-hampered by legislative roadblocks benefitting powerful institutional defendants to the detriment of those who have suffered Ours is a much smaller playing field and therefore less money is at stake In terms of plaintiffsrsquo lawyers wersquore trying to maximize the compensa-tion that we can get for our client Every time we go to court we try
(Continued on page 44)
ldquoIf you mean that
Canada is 10 years
behind in dealing with
other aspects of sexual
assault then you are
probably correct in
terms of media
attention public
awareness and outrageldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 44
to get a higher damage award so that that case will be a building block for future cases There are always attempts to try to circum-vent the cap on pain and suffering damages that we have Itrsquos not an easy thing to do the cap has been in place in Canada for 32 years now It was put in place in 1977 by the Supreme Court of Canada and itrsquos unlikely to be overturned any-time soon Even though from a purely theoretical legal analysis that cap does not apply to pain and suffering damages for victims of sexual assault and sexual abuse the reality is that judges still use that cap as a high water mark even though it doesnrsquot formally apply mdash it is still a de facto cap and to be honest with you it is almost impos-sible to get anywhere near that cap for compensation for pain and suf-fering A typical pain and suffering award in Canada for childhood sex-ual abuse is somewhere between $100000 and $200000 Anything on top of that would be associated economic loss or care costs
MS Itrsquos quite unfortunate that even though therersquos no real cap the law behaves as if there were one
SJ Yep I couldnrsquot agree with you more Itrsquos very unfortunate
MS I understand that in 2005 the government of Ontario convened whatrsquos known as the Cornwall Pub-lic Inquiry Was the Inquiry con-vened to address the issues of sex-ual abuse and sexual assault and
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 43)
the way the justice system is han-dling it
SJ Thatrsquos probably one of the reasons the Inquiry was convened Thatrsquos one of the hopes The In-quiry was convened because of what was going on in a little city east of Toronto mdash a series of allega-tions against very prominent mem-bers of that community involving the sexual abuse of children over a period of many many years The idea behind the Inquiry is to try to figure out what happened and to put in place some recommenda-tions that will not only stop some-thing like the abuse in Cornwall from happening again but will also try to help those who were affected by the events in the first place And to some extent I think some good will come of the Inquiry Hopefully the recommendations will be good for survivors of childhood sexual abuse or any kind of sexual assault The Submission phase of the In-quiry officially ended late February 2009
MS Did you have the opportunity to testify before the Inquiry
SJ I did not personally testify before the Inquiry Testimony was generally limited to the people ac-tually involved mdash police officers vic-tims what not I was involved in the Inquiry with regards to a panel discussionroundtable that they had regarding the use of confiden-tiality agreements
MS As you probably know Male-Survivor was first founded in the early 1980s by a group of thera-pists who were concerned about support for victims of childhood
sexual abuse and although Male-Survivor is still not a very large or-ganization it has increased its in-fluence significantly over the years and Irsquom wondering whether there is a similar non-profit or other group in Canada that also is dedi-cated to helping victims of child-hood sexual abuse
SJ There are some grass roots organizations that deal with victims of childhood sexual abuse or adult sexual assault I donrsquot believe there is as cohesive a unit as MaleSurvi-vor I may be wrong on that but there are smaller more community based organizations that assist sur-vivors That being said resources available to survivors are unfortu-nately pretty limited
MS Is that because there are too few therapists in that form of prac-tice
SJ I think itrsquos a mixture of many different things First of all Canada has a much smaller population base mdash 30 million people as com-pared to 300 million in the United States mdash so you have significantly fewer people affected and there-fore you have significantly fewer resources available to those people The services that we do have will often have very long waiting lists before people can access them There are some very very good counselors in Canada assisting sur-vivors but unfortunately the waiting lists are sometimes long and the availability for public funding to provide services free of charge is somewhat limited
MS Is there anything in your opinion about the Canadian health
February 2009
Page 45
system that contributes to the scar-city of services
SJ I donrsquot know if itrsquos the Cana-dian health system I think that in Canada we have a pretty good public health system in the sense that anybody who needs medical services can access those services free of charge The problem is that a lot of these services are not covered under our health system per se Many are covered under either private plans or pay as you go type services and itrsquos just a question of finding the people who can provide these services and being lucky enough to get them when they either donrsquot have a waiting list or other-wise having to wait until your name comes up on that waiting list
MS And that could takes years in some cases it seems
SJ My understanding is that those waiting lists can be quite long but there are very good peo-ple out there Itrsquos just a question of finding them and being able to afford them
MS Can you elaborate on other differences between the US and Canada that affect the way survi-vors and perpetrators are treated by the legal system and the media
SJ The differences between Can-ada and the US are really huge On the surface Americans and Canadi-ans look pretty much the same dress the same talk the same eat the same foods and by and large watch the same TV but culturally there is a huge difference in the way we look at the world in the
way our legal system works and the way that people interact with one another
Americans are much more litigious by na-ture I think this is due to the fact that in the United States mdash at least as seen from the outside mdash the rights of the individual are paramount In Can-ada less so Canada is much more commu-nity-oriented We of-tentimes think about how something is going to affect others instead of looking at what an individual might be entitled to I think that the high
damage awards available through the American legal system are beneficial in sexual abuse cases as is the lack of a cap on awards which we have
In some ways though our legal system is much better for my cli-ents than the US system would be because of the way that our actual process works One of the things that I know is very damaging to a lot of plaintiffs in the United States is the whole discovery process tak-
ing depositions Depositions can go on for a huge number of days and pretty much everybody in the per-sonrsquos life can be called to give a deposition That is very troubling and painful for people who donrsquot necessarily want others to know about their abuse or donrsquot want to involve their family Here in Canada depositions mdash or what we call the examination for discovery mdash are lim-ited to the actual named parties in the lawsuit The defendant and the plaintiff are examined for discovery or deposed if you will Anyone who is not an actual party to the litiga-tion can only be discovered under court orders and itrsquos very difficult to get those court orders so in that sense itrsquos a much quicker cleaner process and less intrusive on some-onersquos life So that is probably a good thing
The other really huge difference between the two systems which I think does in fact impact on why a lot of these cases settle as opposed to going to court and oftentimes settle for very different amounts of money than they would if they went to court is that in Canada we have a ldquoloser paysrdquo system If you go to court and you lose you have to pay at least a portion of the fees incurred by the other side Letrsquos say the defendantrsquos settlement offer is $100000 If the plaintiff does not accept that $100000 and at trial the plaintiff gets $99000 then the plaintiff has to pay the lawyerrsquos fees of the defendant because the award is less than the settlement offer That is very difficult That means that a lot of cases are set-tled for probably less money than
(Continued on page 46)
ldquoOn the surface
Americans and
Canadians look pretty
much the same hellip but
culturally there is a
huge difference in the
way we look at the
world in the way our
legal system works and
the way that people
interact with one
anotherldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 46
MS I join you in that hope Any-thing that can advance the cause of not only helping people but also helping prevent further abuses is always going to be welcome If you could set forth a vision of how you would like to see the law and the therapeutic community in Canada evolve to handle matters of child-
hood sexual abuse and sexual assault mdash if you could influence the reform of institu-tions what would your vision be
SJ Oh Richard Wow Well first and foremost I would love to raise public aware-ness of this issue for various reasons I think that increased public awareness will not necessarily reduce the instances of abuse but will help improve how abuse is dealt with when itrsquos ongoing and after-wards Itrsquos very im-portant that when a child is hurt that
child knows that he can go to peo-ple for help and support All too often if kids get up enough cour-age to tell someone the reaction they get is not very positive I think that with increased public aware-ness hopefully people will under-stand that there are ways to deal with this that will decrease the amount of harm so public aware-ness is paramount
I would like the legal system to raise compensation awards for sur-
turning point in bringing to the publicrsquos attention that the sexual assault of children can happen does happen and itrsquos a very diffi-cult thing for anyone to go through whether theyrsquore little boys or grown men that were abused as children It brought childhood sex-ual abuse out of the shadows to a certain extent The scandal still garners media attention as new survivors come forward but not the same as it did 10 years ago
MS Would you say that the lack of inves-tigative reporting is a cultural phenomenon or is it that the news-papers donrsquot feel they have that role
SJ Oh no Canadian newspapers do feel that they have a role in investigating things but for whatever rea-son sexual abuse of children has not been a priority The Cana-dian media really has not been at the forefront of this issue the way the media in the United States has been and I think that is tremen-dously disappointing The lack of media attention means that we arenrsquot fostering the awareness within the public that we need in order to provide real help and ser-vices for survivors We need the mediarsquos help to bring this horrific crime to light and to help stop it from happening
they would get if they went to court because that risk of going to court and not getting at least the amount of the original offer weighs heavily on everyone Our system is designed and geared toward avoid-ing trials which can be good be-cause nobody really wants to go through a trial but can be bad be-cause people become very intimi-dated by the prospect of losing or not getting as much as the settle-ment offer and being indebted to the defendant for a lot of money Thatrsquos a scary scary thing to go through
With regards to the media the US has a media that by and large has helped out a lot with sexual abuse cases The whole issue of clergy abuse really started with investiga-tive reporting by the Boston Globe right
MS Right
SJ They really took that issue and just ran with it Here in Canada we really havenrsquot had the same kind of investigative media cover-age as yoursquove had which is why events like the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal are not as huge as they are down in the States
Before Martin Kruze committed sui-cide the media was only somewhat interested in the Maple Leaf Gar-dens scandal Martin Kruze was a figure because he had sued the Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Com-plex But after he committed sui-cide the media was really galva-nized and that was probably a
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 45)
ldquoThe lack of media
attention means that we
arenrsquot fostering the
awareness within the
public that we need in
order to provide real
help and services for
survivors We need the
mediarsquos help to bring
this horrific crime to
light and to help stop it
from happeningrdquo
February 2009
Page 47
ments but it canrsquot at this stage really happen through the courts
I would want there to be an ability for institutions or perpetrators mdash de-fendants mdash to look beyond mere dollars and cents and look toward healing the person that they have hurt either directly or indirectly All too often in these cases we really become tied up in the legal minu-tiae of things as opposed to defen-dants saying ldquoOK letrsquos step back here and letrsquos try to helprdquo
I wish that there were a real under-standing that these cases are not car accident cases and they should
not be treated as car accident cases My clients are not people whorsquove broken a leg and therefore need X amount of dollars in order to pay for medical services or whatnot And unfortu-nately that doesnrsquot necessarily happen
In terms of the thera-peutic community I would love to see counseling and therapy ses-sions be paid for through the pub-lic purse so that people who re-quire the services of highly-skilled counselors and therapists and psy-chologists can access those services without having to pay for them A lot of clients just donrsquot have the economic means to pay for such services until after they get a set-tlement and that could take years It would be wonderful to see those kinds of services funded the same way as a trip to the emergency room or a trip to your family doc-tor for a cold is funded Irsquod love to
vivors The amount of damage that can be done as a result of child-hood abuse or in fact any kind of sexual assault is tremendous It affects almost every aspect of someonersquos life It becomes inter-generational because it affects the people around the survivor and compensation awards are still very much a pale reflection of what is needed in order to help these peo-ple I hope that at some point our judges and our legislature under-stand that need and can corre-spondingly give appropriate and reasonable damage awards so that people can start to rebuild their lives in a meaningful way
I would love there to be an opportunity within our civil system for more than just compensation At this stage the only thing that a civil judge can do is award monetary compensation There are a lot of creative things that you can do within a settlement that are not purely fi-nancial that can give a lot of sol-ace to someone who has been abused whether that be in the form of some non-financial healing whether it be in the form of a situation where somebody can con-front their abuser if thatrsquos what they wish to do in a safe setting or whether itrsquos the ability for that sur-vivor to do something outside of pure simple dollars and put for-ward some sort of healing plan that is as individual as they are That can happen through settle-
be able to see that I think that that would go a long way to helping people earlier rather than later
Ultimately I wish that this situation didnrsquot exist anymore and I would be put out of business frankly
MS Well I can certainly sympa-thize with the way you feel but it would seem that you have a career ahead of you dealing with this problem
SJ Unfortunately I think you are right I think that instances of child-hood sexual abuse are not neces-sarily going down I think that insti-tutions are getting a little bit better at putting in place policies and sometimes even following their own policies to stop pedophiles from entering those institutions and preying on people that those insti-tutions are theoretically set up to serve but I think that as long as the problem of childhood sexual abuse is with us I will be out there trying to help anybody that I can
MS Is there anything else yoursquod like to say to our readers
SJ I think that organizations such as MaleSurvivor are imperative in helping people understand that they are not alone that itrsquos not their fault and there are ways to get help So hats off to an organi-zation such as yours The clients I have who are involved in your or-ganization are very very well served so I have to thank you for being a resource
MS Thank you very much for your kind comments and for your time Simona
ldquoUltimately I wish that
this situation didnrsquot exist
anymore and I would be
put out of business
franklyrdquo
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-
Vol 2 No 2
Page 12
My Journey to MaleSurvivor
By Rob Hawkings MA
I was asked a few weeks ago if I would write an article for the MaleSurvivor newsletter telling
the story of how I came to be in-volved in working with male survi-vors most recently as the newest member of the Weekends of Recov-ery leadership team My initial reaction was an enthusiastic ldquoNo problem great ideardquo And I do think it is a great idea I remember back to about 1989 when I attended mdash as a par-ticipant mdash my first therapeutic weekend for men who had ex-perienced childhood sexual abuse how difficult it was to trust anyone enough mdash par-ticularly male author-ity figures mdash to talk openly about my experience and feelings and how much easier it was after the leaders had modeled appropriate trust and self-disclosure I see this autobio-graphical article as an opportunity to begin to earn your trust
A few days later it hit me that what I had undertaken was not a one-to-one direct personal exchange or confined to a self-help setting or therapy group or retreat it was go-ing to be published on the Inter-net mdash for anyone to read mdash forever After 21 years of personal recovery
including almost 20 years as a counselor and psychotherapist I am quite comfortable disclosing my status as a survivor and whatever pieces of my story will be helpful in therapeutic settings mdash but this is different This is not contained Ah well as I have been told many times along my journey There are no accidents look for signs of syn-
chronicity and take advantage of opportunities for growth So here goes
Counseling and psychotherapy is a second career for me to which I aspired as a teenager a natural choice given that one of my child-hood roles as the eldest son in an alcoholic home was to be confi-dant and counselor to my suffering mother Looking back it is a very good thing I got diverted from that career path while at university Blind to my personal issues and
without the support and life experi-ence to handle my deeply buried emotions I would have made a terrible mdash and perhaps dangerous mdash therapist I am grateful that I did not revisit this career path until age 39 after I had begun a personal healing journey Up to that point I had managed to achieve an appar-ently successful life (at that time I
was in the corporate business world) but addictive behavior and underlying abuse-related issues had progressed to the point where I was unable to hold my house of cards together I realize now that the ensu-ing marital and pro-fessional melt-down was both unavoid-able and necessary in order for the healing to begin
The high quality of the self-help and
professional therapy I was blessed to experience in the early stages of my own recovery reawakened (on a much healthier footing this time) my passion to be doing that kind of work as a professional Organiz-ing self-help retreats led to training to be an addictions counselor serv-ing a year ldquoin the trenchesrdquo of front-line addictions treatment (invaluable experience) and then working half-time for two years as a therapist in hospital-based psy-chiatric day-treatment programs
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Journey Uncredited Photo
February 2009
Page 13
during which time I began a private practice The part-time private practice filled quickly (and became full-time after two years) with re-covering alcoholics and addicts adult children of alcoholics and increasingly adult survivors of sex-ual abuse
It was while I was working that first year in a menrsquos residential addic-tion treatment facility that men be-gan to disclose to me that they had been sexually abused as boys These emotionally charged disclo-sures were always one-on-one and curiously were occurring way more often with me than with other counselors on staff I say ldquocuriouslyrdquo because I was curious as to why this was happening It was only that same year in context of self-help support and professional help that I ldquoconnected the dotsrdquo between my own sex-ual abuse as a boy and the problems that had developed in my life I did not yet fully understand as I do now that with the highly sensitive ldquoradarrdquo that survivors seem to have these men were recognizing in me an empathetic kindred spirit who would somehow relate to their is-sues To learn to help these men (and to help myself) along a heal-ing path I began to seek out any and all training I could find on the subject
In those early years I learned mostly from women in the feminist movement who had been aware of the impact of sexual abuse for dec-ades and were far ahead of men in helping each other heal Much of what they knew and so generously shared was also useful in working with men There are however ma-jor differences and I was fortunate in connecting with some of the pioneers (Mike Lew among others) who were researching and articulat-ing those differences and how to address them in recovery Over succeeding years I continued to gain experience doing one-on-one
therapy with male survivors and in lead-ing and supervising group-based pro-grams for a succes-sion of Ontario agen-cies Along the way I have been honored to serve as clinical consultant for two treatment handbooks on working with men who have experi-enced childhood sex-ual abuse
A significant experi-ence professionally for me was leaving
my private practice for five years (2000-2005) to work full-time as a Program Development Specialist at Bellwood Health Services a 60-bed in-patient addictions treatment fa-cility in Toronto It was stimulating and rewarding to play lead roles in designing and implementing Can-adarsquos first residential treatment program for sexual addiction and Canadarsquos first truly concurrent
treatment program for soldiers and veterans with substance depend-ency and post-traumatic stress (I like the term ldquoOperational Stress Injuryrdquo adopted by the Canadian military which encompasses the whole spectrum of clinical and sub-clinical combat-related stress disor-ders not just psychiatrically diag-nosable PTSD)
At this point in my life and career (as of 2005) I and my second wife (I have been happily remarried now for close to ten years) have chosen to ldquosemi-retirerdquo to the small town of Deep River Ontario about a six-hour drive north of Toronto where I maintain a part-time private prac-tice providing counseling therapy training and consulting in two of the specialties I am known for re-covery for male survivors of child-hood sexual abuse and sexual ad-diction recovery I also ldquokeep my hand inrdquo in the field of combat-related post-traumatic stress treat-ment by working two days a week as an addictions counselor at a large nearby Canadian Forces Base (in Petawawa) which is sending units regularly to Afghanistan and where we are seeing growing num-bers of soldiers self-medicating their post-traumatic stress symp-toms with addictive behavior and substances
Deep River affords us a wonderfully quiet and gently paced lifestyle in a part of the country with beautiful natural surroundings and consis-tently and gloriously clean air but it poses some challenges This town is where I grew up and where the abuse happened There are ldquoghosts
(Continued on page 15)
ldquoIn those early years I
learned mostly from
women in the feminist
movement who had
been aware of the
impact of sexual abuse
for decades and were far
ahead of men in helping
each other healrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 14
My Weekend of Recovery
By Robert L
M y Weekend of Recovery was a phenomenal ex-perience Phenomenal
The more time that passes the more I realize how much of a posi-tive impact the WOR has had on me Since the WOR things have opened up and my recovery is accelerating
Given the positive experi-ence it is hard to believe that I was somewhat hesitant to attend While I was very excited when I first signed up months in advance some personal issues arose by the time the WOR came around and I seriously considered backing out Thankfully I did not
By way of background I have known about my abuse all my life No flashbacks for me it was always front and center I tried to deal with it as best as I could alone I first spoke about the abuse at age 19 telling my first real love interest about it Disclosing my past only to love interests became a pattern for me until I could no longer handle the pain and started individual therapy at age 31 (six years ago)
The individual therapy has been very helpful I have learned a lot
about myself particularly by ex-ploring areas that I did not even think were part of the equation The therapy also helped a lot of the pain go away
My biggest single problem remains relationships or the lack thereof In actuality I have never had a ldquorealrdquo relationship Instead I keep repeat-ing the same patterns of falling for girls who cannot be emotionally available to me who are often
survivors themselves and are often already in a relationship with an-other man Clearly I needed to add something to my individual ther-apy
Over the past six years I have considered group therapy but
could not find a suitable group A few months before the WOR my therapist gave me a copy of Mike Lewrsquos book Victims No Longer As I read the book I realized that I was a ldquotextbook caserdquo and thought that surely there must be a ldquotextbook solutionrdquo (that I obviously could not find over six years of individual therapy) Naiumlve or not I decided to search for a group once again My online search led me to
the MaleSurvivor website Imagine my pleasant surprise when I discov-ered that a WOR was coming to my city I signed up immediately
I was literally the first survivor to arrive at Mysthaven and was so anxious to ldquoget the show on the roadrdquo While wait-ing for the others to arrive I spent my time looking around trying to make myself feel at home It did not take long for that to happen As I entered the main room I was faced with dozens of t-shirts made by past WOR attendees and it moved me to tears I was surely in a place where I belonged
Eventually the others arrived and we began the opening ceremony It was so well thought out Actually everything was well thought out right from the opening to the closing ceremonies I noticed a lot
In the First Person
ldquoI Know I Am Not Shamefulrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 15
of nice little touches and appreci-ated all of them
After the opening ceremony we did a ldquosafetyrdquo exercise in which everyone had a chance to express his needs for a safe environment (for instance I cannot have people touch my neck) We all committed to abide by the safety rules This turned out to be one of the best parts of the WOR because at no time whatsoever did I feel judged or unsafe in any way I cannot recall ever being in such an atmosphere before
We went through a lot of activities and exercises over the weekend Some of these included small groups breathing exercises (grounding) telling our story ldquosculptingrdquo shame busting commu-nity building art and mindfulness walks
I liked the small groups the best I felt there was an excellent fit among the facilitators my fellow survivors and me I had ample opportunity to say what I wanted to say and welcomed all the feed-back After years of individual ther-apy it was great to finally connect with other male survivors in a group setting I learned from my fellow survivors and it also put my recovery into perspective
The shame busting exercise was also incredible It is one thing to talk about creating intimacy it is another to learn how to do it ac-
from the pastrdquo on every street cor-ner mdash and I am finding them a greater challenge than I antici-pated It has been much easier (surprisingly) and a hugely empow-ering victory for me to transform the house we now inhabit mdash where some of the abuse occurred in my childhood mdash into the safest and most comfortable home I have ever known Deep River is relatively iso-lated from the colleagues I have come to know and trust over many years and I take every opportunity to join them whenever and wher-ever I can for trainings and work-shops I am also learning to rely more on the telephone and the Internet to maintain my personal and professional circles of support My journey of growth and healing continues It is not without hurdles and challenges but at this stage it is filled with blessings not the least of which are my two children (now adults) and the relationships I now enjoy with them Life now is better than I could ever have imagined and I welcome the challenges
Which brings me to the present blessing and challenge namely joining the leadership team of the MaleSurvivor Weekends of Recov-ery I have many strong family and professional connections in the United States and I welcome this opportunity to work with a geo-graphically and culturally broader range of men and women who share my values principles and passion for recovery I look forward to meeting and working with some of you
My Journey (Continued from page 13)
tively After the movement exercise one of the facilitators told me that I ldquolooked beautiful out thererdquo I did not believe or understand that comment at the time but I think I do now and it still makes me cry to think of it The comment made me feel that someone saw the ldquorealrdquo me regardless of what I look
like on the outside It also made me realize that I had forgotten how to ldquoplayrdquo I really did feel like a playful child during the exer-cise and I cannot think of the last time that I experienced such a feeling
Since the WOR I have stepped up my recov-ery process I attend weekly groups and keep in regular con-
tact with a few fellow WOR partici-pants I have also bought many self-help books started journaling and increased my time on the MaleSur-vivor forums
I see a dramatic difference in my-self since the WOR I feel more positive and more at peace I can also talk more freely about the abuse and no longer feel shame The bottom line is that I have moved from being a victim to being a SURVIVOR
Words cannot express my gratitude to the WOR team and my fellow survivors I really appreciate the individual chats and felt that every-one was genuinely interested in my recovery Thank you I love you all
ldquoThe shame busting
exercise was also
incredible It is one
thing to talk about
creating intimacy it is
another to learn how to
do it activelyrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 16
high schools were resistant to al-lowing staff members to enter their school and provide educational programs Having a male on staff proved to be beneficial and the program grew rapidly Fortunately mdash and unfortunately mdash the media be-gan writing articles about me and the educational programs Once the Ministry folks became aware a man was on the payroll of the cen-tre my position was terminated I was told that funding was specifi-cally designed for women to pro-
vide services for women To the credit of the crisis centre they had me volun-teer for six months until they could se-cure funding from the local United Way They seemed less concerned about a man wanting to pro-vide services to peo-ple in need
History was being made We became the first sexual assault crisis centre in Canada to open a separate satellite office for a
menrsquos program This was not something celebrated by all crisis centres I was asked to advocate for men but to keep quiet at the same time The program became very successful and more and more male survivors were asking for ser-vices Unfortunately in 2002 the local United Way decided to reduce their support after having a trou-
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
The Circle of Compassion
By Tom Wilken
T hanks to Dale English of the MaleSurvivor newsletter for asking me to write an article
about my experiences working with male sexual abuse survivors in Can-ada As an advocate it seems like the journey of working with survi-vors has many societal obstacles but we are moving forward slowly but surely I often wonder why it is so challenging for Canadians to include male survivors into the circle of compas-sion
In 1991 I accepted a role with the local sexual assault crisis centre and attended one of their training programs On the first day the female facili-tator looked at me and said ldquoyou must be a brave manrdquo I had no idea what she was talking about at the time but I sure do now For the next eleven years I was employed in an adversarial political roller coaster ride that made advocating for men a daunting task Nevertheless I am very thankful for that opportunity I started as a part-time support worker counseling men My posi-tion evolved and included the role of an Education Co-Coordinator The crisis centre found the local
bling fund raising year Since the gender of the clientele was male the crisis centre was unable to top up funding and the male program was removed from the services of-fered by this crisis centre This may sound discriminatory and perhaps even a human rights issue because it is In Canada we pride ourselves in celebrating diversity but unfor-tunately that does not always in-clude the needs of male survivors
Something exciting happened in 2002 Health Canada asked me to update their ldquoAdult Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse - Overview Pa-perrdquo which was distributed throughout the country by the Na-tional Clearinghouse on Family Vio-lence Until that point in time the Overview Paper was predominately written about the concerns of fe-male survivors without any equality for the concerns of male survivors There was some resistance voiced by a crisis centre about a man writ-ing about both genders but Health Canada took a chance and re-quested I complete the Overview Paper that spoke to the similarities and differences regarding the re-covery process of both genders This paper was considered success-ful and a second printing was needed to meet the requests by Canadians This was so rewarding for me and it helped me to realize that there is hope for male survi-vors
Facilitating groups for male survi-vors was an exciting part of my role at the crisis centre Being with men who are being ldquorealrdquo and sup-
ldquoThe Canadian
government has known
for years that 37 of
sexual abuse survivors
under the age of 21 are
male however they do
not open their hearts for
male survivors and
welcome them into the
circle of compassionrdquo
February 2009
Page 17
ple as well The main difference was they responded to their woundedness in a different fashion It is estimated that on any given day there are over 100000 people on probation in the province of Ontario It is also estimated that up to 80 of these folks may have been sexually abused This equates
to 80000 sexual abuse survivors who are on probation most of whom are male We also know that 59 of people in prison are sexual abuse survivors Sadly probation officers are not trained in sexual abuse recovery issues It is interest-ing to note that I work with more male survivors as a Probation Offi-cer than when I worked at the crisis centre When people are not given healthy outlets for expressing their anger it can manifest in less desir-able ways
I started the ldquoWe Want to Knowrdquo project in 2003 which was partially sponsored by the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness and the now
porting one another throughout the healing process is truly a magi-cal experience The men receiving services were both grateful and angry They were grateful to be receiving services but angry these services were not available when they were younger They wondered why so many other male survivors
are not given the same opportunity to heal Seven men from group consented to having their healing journey documented during thirty weeks of group counseling Thus the book Rebuilding Your House of Self Respect Men Recovering from Childhood Sexual Abuse first edi-tion was in the works
In 2002 I accepted a position as a Probation Officer with the Ministry of Community Safety and Correc-tional Services After working with victims for over a decade I won-dered if the adjustment to working with offenders was possible It did-nrsquot take long to realize that people who offended were wounded peo-
closed Windsor Family Forum We were able to fulfill the dream of the seven courageous men from group by distributing copies of the RYHSR book to agencies throughout Can-ada
Millions of dollars are spent in Can-ada for sexual assault crisis centres and other programs for female sur-
vivors These valuable programs for women are underfunded but un-fortunately there are rarely any services specifically for men The Canadian government has known for years that 37 of sexual abuse survivors under the age of 21 are male however they do not open their hearts for male survivors and welcome them into the circle of compassion
In 2007 the Diocese of London Ontario provided funding for my business Hope amp Healing Associ-ates and the Silence to Hope (STH) project was born The Diocese in-creased their funding from $30000
(Continued on page 18)
A Circle of Compassion (uncredited photo)
Vol 2 No 2
Page 18
material to the Ministry of Commu-nity Safety and Correctional Ser-vices the Ministry of Children and Youth Services Victim Services the Ontario Provincial Police and other various other agencies Over 1500 free copies of the second edition of my book Rebuilding Your House of Self Respect Men Recovering in Group from Childhood Sexual Abuse are being distributed to sur-vivors and agencies working with male survivors Lynne MacDonell has received funding from the Arch-diocese of Toronto and is assisting male survivors in central Ontario Her Help amp Hope Project is similar
to the STH project
The STH project was fortunate to partner with Howard Fradkin of MaleSurvivor and his Weekend of Re-covery facilitation team who came to Canada in November 2008 This was quite a treat for Canadian male survivors The expertise of the Frad-kin team provided a
high-caliber experience not nor-mally available to Canadians The feedback from participants indi-cated these men felt truly blessed to be part of this experience In 2009 I hope to write a workbook for male survivors that will accom-pany the second edition of the RYHSR book Ellen Campbell and the CCAA plan to partner with the STH project and provide free cop-ies of this workbook as part of a joint education and awareness pro-gram I am presently updating a Directory of Services for Health
in 2007 to $60000 in 2008 to $75000 in 2009 Thanks to the generosity of the Diocese we are able to provide support groups information and referral services education and awareness pro-grams The Diocese not only wanted us to help males who were victimized by priests but any male survivors
In the early stages we recognized that our communities were not pro-viding a safe and supportive envi-ronment for men to step out of isolation Various agencies were con-tacting me and shared their frustra-tions about not hav-ing places to refer men who were sexu-ally abused as chil-dren It became pain-fully evident how un-educated Canadian service providers are on the needs of men and sexual abuse One of the main focuses of the STH project is our education and aware-ness program and group facilita-tion
As sad as the present situation is for male survivors we are making progress The STH project has part-nered with agencies throughout our area and two agencies from our bigger cities are providing group facilitation on a year round basis We are partnering with the Cana-dian Centre for Abuse Awareness (CCAA) and providing educational
Circle of Compassion (Continued from page 17)
Canada and the National Clearing-house on Family Violence called Combining Voices This directory lists all agencies throughout the Country that provide services to male and female survivors
ldquoCollective denialrdquo is strong throughout Canada but there is HOPE There seems to be an im-portant shift in thinking taking place Several years ago the topic of working with male survivors was not to be spoken about however people are now more receptive to exploring the needs of a much ne-glected portion of the population More men are requesting services and more group counseling oppor-tunities are presenting themselves It appears that more and more Ca-nadian agencies are starting to rec-ognize the importance of including male survivors into the circle of compassion Every time we have articles in the media more men seem to come out of isolation My biggest concerns include the lack of funding by the government If this topic is not talked about and if a safe and supportive environment for men is not created men will go back into silence and isolation This work seems to be driven from the ldquobottom uprdquo and not the ldquotop downrdquo We need good men and women to talk more openly about the needs of male survivors ldquoCollective denialrdquo thrives when good people keep silent Survivors are not living in total isolation they are fathers brothers husbands workers community members and they are valuable human beings
We are proud to join MaleSurvivor in making this world a better place
ldquorsquoCollective denialrsquo is
strong throughout
Canada but there is
HOPE There seems to
be an important shift in
thinking taking placerdquo
February 2009
Page 19
This Boyrsquos Life
By Jordan M
M y life began as any other a happy boy in a happy nuclear family It
was a time when my biggest worry was my brother threatening to tattle on me for sneaking a cookie up to bed I was young and the life I was living was exactly how it should have been carefree and devoid of the messy thoughts and situations which I would soon come to know all too well I was a boy and without trying to sound too clicheacuted I was innocent Pure
My parentsrsquo nasty divorce popped that bubble I loved my family more than anything and the di-vorce ripped us apart Mom and Dad were too busy fighting each other to notice anything that was happening with me or my siblings We were pushed aside used as bargaining tools I felt like a pawn Mom convincing us that Dad was a bad guy Dad convincing us that Mom was to blame Being the third child of five I was lost I withdrew and I stayed as far away from any sort of family situation as I could I didnrsquot know whom to trust
Time passed and things leveled and Mom married again but her taste in men had changed since Dad Her new husband seemed to hate children and he made sure that was known He was a violent man and my family and I paid the price I felt more lost than ever I was all alone in a hell that I was not prepared for Looking for some
kind of calm in this storm I started spending more time with Dad on his farm
Dad had met and moved in with another woman as well and unlike my new step-dad I liked her I thought that this could be my escape I could stay with Dad and be safe Go back to being a kid again Live that normal life I used to have
Not only did Dadrsquos new girlfriend move in so did her brother mdash my new step-uncle of sorts He was great The coolest guy Irsquod ever met We got along he played with me we watched mov-ies we went out we did everything He paid attention to me and I sud-denly felt less alone He was that person whom I could trust He was the man who would help me through all this crap at home He was the one that cared I didnrsquot just have a new step-uncle I had a new friend a new guardian someone who was there for me I latched on I bought his trick mdash hook line and sinker
The sexual abuse began and after the initial shock frankly I got used to it Although I hated it he as-sured me it was ok This is what should be happening between a 12 year old boy and 32 year old man who have a special relationship like
the one we did I believed him All I had to do was comply with his sexual desires and he would remain there for me I was willing to pay that price to keep this man in my life Somewhere in the back of my little mind I knew it was wrong but
I wouldnrsquot tell a soul It was our little secret our special relation-ship Nobody could know but us
It went on for years and for years I grew more and more dis-tant from people from myself and from the world I attempted a few times to get away but there was no where to go Either I live in an abusive hell with Mom or I cater to my step-unclersquos desires at my
Dadrsquos Which is the lesser evil
I went back and forth from house to house each time growing a little more resilient a little harder Time went on and I wasnrsquot that little boy anymore Age was on my side now and I wanted it to stop
Mom did get rid of the mistake she married after a while but soon found a new one and I promised myself that I would not stand for another day in this hell The first time this new guy laid a hand on me I gave Mom an ultimatum him or me She chose him I was gone
(Continued on page 20)
In the First Person
ldquoAlthough I hated [the
abuse] he assured me it
was ok This is what
should be happening
between a 12 year old
boy and 32 year old
man who have a special
relationship like the one
we did I believed himrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 20
been chasing me the whole time and it was catching up
The lure of the big city called me and I began spending nights and weekends in Toronto Attempting to end the emptiness I began searching for ways to fill it I got hooked on drugs became an ad-dict I became hard Mean Nothing could touch me Fear couldnrsquot stand in my way The worst had already happened I thought what I was feeling was freedom but free was the farthest thing from the truth I was trapped trapped in anger and guilt and shame
The deep desire to be taken care of continued to force its way to the surface and take on new extremes My cutting habit that I had devel-
I left home at 16 I figured that anything was better than staying where I was This was going to be a new start for me It was going to be different this time I promised myself that I would make it
I was wrong Again
Life on your own at 16 is not an easy one mdash new city no friends barely any money Schools wouldnrsquot accept me apartments wouldnrsquot let a kid occupy a unit I was alone I was really alone this time It took
time but I eventually managed a bit of a life for myself and was able to get through high school but it didnrsquot come easy My past had
This Boyrsquos Life (Continued from page 19)
oped as a young teen had ex-ploded and I began to brutally beat myself in hopes that somebody would notice maybe take me to hospital Take care of me It didnrsquot work It never worked There was only one thing that worked sex
Hustling made me feel powerful Men would pay to be with me Itrsquos all I felt I was good at seducing men And it was a power that I so badly thought I needed As bad as I was treated the glimpse of con-trol that I felt was enough to keep me going back But all I was doing was allowing myself to be abused
over and over again It just lead me further and further down
The years passed and I lost all feeling I forgot how to feel I knew
A Sliver of Light copy 2009 Timothy Andrew
February 2009
Page 21
only three emotions happiness sadness and anger And it was the anger that consumed me Anything could set me off I was a ticking time-bomb I began to wonder if any sort of normal life would ever happen for me
I was ready to give up to accept that this was what God had planned for me but somewhere inside that messed up 20 year old head of mine there was a sliver of light the same light that was there when I was a child the light that only had to worry about sneaking a cookie up to bed And I knew that that tiny glimpse of light was the real me If I could find a way to broaden its beam I would be able to peel back all the layers of abuse and discover who I really am
I searched I called crisis lines I went to free therapy sessions I attempted to try to understand why I was like I was but I kept hitting dead ends Nobody seemed to know how to help me me a male survivor
Nothing would last The little help I did receive all faded All I really got were programs and information and books and flyers Then I found Lynne MacDonells number I called her late one night She agreed to meet with me and quickly got me
into her mens group ldquoA Time for Menrdquo
The group literally saved my life For the first time I knew I wasnt alone There were other men who had been through what I had been through and they genuinely cared for me It has been over three years
now and it is still difficult Although I have put an end to the coping mecha-nisms mdash the drugs and the cutting mdash itrsquos the feelings that still manage to give me a struggle As survivors we have to sort out our insides Our guts Our feelings All that stuff was ripped out mixed up and thrown back in when we were abused We have to retrain our brains learn how to think how to feel how to trust how to love At times I feel like Irsquom an emotional infant as if my body kept
growing after my uncle abused me but my mind didnrsquot That was the main issue when I finally decided that I needed to be on the path of recovery So I focused and I began
I look forward to those two hours every Monday night because I know I can say and share anything I want and I will not be judged I am safe there I am safe to peel back those layers of abuse and discover the real me who I was really meant to be not this husk of
a human being that I had been living as for so many years
Since joining the group I have finished university got my degree I am free of drugs and self-harming I have a good job and a much healthier lifestyle and I have come out with my secret about sexual abuse
I am not ashamed of who I am anymore It is a long and tough uphill battle and it is still far from over but I know that I have plenty of people helping me fight this battle Our group is more that just a support group We are a family a brotherhood of survivors deter-mined to help each other and spread the word
It was hope That light the real memdashit was hope As survivors some-times all we have to go on is hope and that is why we need to remem-ber that there is ALWAYS hope There never needs to be a dead end That tiny sliver of light exists in all of us you just have to find it
ldquoAs survivors
sometimes all we have
to go on is hope and
that is why we need to
remember that there is
ALWAYS hope There
never needs to be a
dead end That tiny
sliver of light exists in
all of us you just have
to find itrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 22
My Story
by Bruce M
A s I start to write this article I find myself sitting in front of the house where I was
first sexually abused I donrsquot know why I am here but I am Perhaps it is my way of being in control which I certainly wasnrsquot for a very long time It was really not that long ago before I avoided this area of the city entirely mdash never mind sitting on the street in front of the home where I was sexually as-
saulted
I am now 42 years old and have a partner who supports me more than I could have ever asked for I am in love and
although I thought I loved others before now I really know what love is For many years I was so secretly dysfunctional that most people were under the impression that I had it all together but that was furthest from the truth I was a good actor
I grew up in a middle class suburb of Toronto I was the youngest of three kids I was diagnosed with ADD and was given Ritalin to ldquosettle me downrdquo I think that Ritalin was an easy out for my parents I needed more one on one interac-tion and understanding rather than a drug regimen which suited their
needs I clearly remember my pe-diatrician back then coaching my parents on what I needed mdash and many of his recommendations went ignored In their minds it seemed that all I needed was Ritalin
I had very few true friends Most people found my hyperactivity to be too much My mother was a practicing alcoholic (thankfully sober for about 28 years now) and my father was nothing short of physically abusive mdash mainly to my sister and me but also to my brother from what I understand My father had out-bursts of rage during which he would beat me with a dog leash and his fist Once he shoved my head down a toilet and told me that is where I belonged I donrsquot know if many people could appreciate how horrible it was to be told that As long as I live I will never for-get how I felt when he said that
When I was 12 years old I was enrolled in basketball That year I excelled and my team ended up winning the champion-ship This was a great confidence boost that I really needed I had finally found something that I was good at The second year was not so great My assistant basketball
coach was a sexual predator who saw a shy and troubled boy in me and decided that he would look after his own needs This guy was a medical doctor so he knew what he was doing and started what I now understand was a very intense grooming process He talked to me about my hyperactivity my motherrsquos alcoholism and my fatherrsquos abuse As I remember back he brought these things up often while he was getting to know me
After a period of time he invited me to his home one day on the pretence of my coming over to rake leaves Once there he invited me to his basement where he
Moving On
Bruce M
Bruce M during the time of his abuse
February 2009
Page 23
matum He said that if I would not come to his house we could no longer be friends I donrsquot know how I did it but I decided that I did not want to go to his house and that was the end of that I now know that he went on to find an-other victim
For nearly the next two decades I struggled with life To add insult to injury I knew that I was a gay male and after the abuse I figured that this was what a gay relation-ship was like and I didnrsquot want it I lacked direction with almost everything I did For a while I was practically homeless because I was staying with one friend after another putting myself in situations where I could be abused again and again I was con-stantly haunted with
guilt because I was sure that the man who abused me was abusing other boys
Finally one day I came forward and told the police about my abuse They charged this man and I quickly learned that this perpetra-tor was one of the nastiest that I have come across to this day He had deep pockets and fought ruthlessly I was followed by private investigators my friends were approached by private investigators
made it clear that his gentle kind supportive ways would have a cost to me I remember hating the experience This disgusting smelling man was more than repulsive Would you believe that I went back Well I did Most other vic-tims of sexual abuse will under-
stand why better than those who have not been there I wanted to be cared for and listened to so badly that for a while I just put up with the abuse This guy came to my school at lunch and let me drive his car around the back streets I was too young and imma-ture to realize that this was not a kind gesture but more grooming that would give him access to what he wanted Eventually he got an-noyed that I would avoid going to his house so he gave me an ulti-
for interviews and he hired some of Canadarsquos best attorneys to get him out of his charges When I went to court to testify at a prelimi-nary trial he had people there to threaten me in the halls of the court and the bathrooms The criminal case went on and on and eventually to the Supreme Court of Canada for a ruling about my con-sent All in all it has been a very intense process which went on so long that the case was thrown out because of delay He is still not out of hot water because the College of Physicians and Surgeons went after him and I had to testify at that hearing too which is still going on to this day
Last fall I completed my third Weekend of Recovery and al-though I have been in private ther-apy for close to four years and have been a part of a menrsquos group in Toronto nothing compares to the results that I achieved from attending the Weekends of Recov-ery The weekend program and the connections that I made with other guys and therapists have been instrumental in giving me a push forward allowing me to have some happiness and a meaningful rela-tionship which I was never able to have before
Life is not perfect but I can tell you that it is so much better than it was a few years ago and it is getting better all the time
Bruce M during the time of his abuse
Vol 2 No 2
Page 24
nor injury well that was his cue He took me into a medical room and closed the door He examined my knee and soon the subject changed That was the first time that I was sexually assaulted
Over the years this repulsive man be-came my coach in both hockey and baseball He was a central figure at the arena and the base-ball diamond He was the one involved in all the fundraisers and came to be known as ldquothe guy who would do any-thing for the kidsrdquo Most of the parents loved him mdash but not mine He drank with parents partied with them all while he ldquotook carerdquo of us kids
The first time I was abused at the arena I told someone older than I I did so again when I was 15 What was I to do Neither time did the adults take appropriate action and you guessed it everything was swept under the carpet So I did the only thing I knew how to do mdash I stuffed it
Growing up was a difficult time for me because of the abuse and the fact that I suffered with ADHD and anxiety (undiagnosed at the time) My sisters did well in school how-ever I didnrsquot I would work my tail off get a ldquoCrdquo and then would be told to work harder or asked if I
A Victim No More
by Glenn Allan
M y name is Glenn Allan and I grew up in Stoney Creek Ontario Canada
By all rights I should have been dead years ago I am a recovering alcoholic and cocaine addict and I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse I donrsquot want my story to become an ldquoabuse or addiction-aloguerdquo so I wonrsquot get into graphic details or talk about every abusive situation
Please keep an open mind as this is my story
I was wel-comed into a loving yet dysfunctional family in February of 1964 I have four sisters
nine nieces and nephews two great-nieces and one great-nephew My story begins around the age of seven I loved skating and playing hockey I was always told ldquoYoursquove gotta practice to get betterrdquo and so I did I would play as much ice and road hockey as I could and my sis-ters would take me public skating It was at public skating that my abuser first spotted me and as-saulted me I fell during one of those skating sessions and hurt my knee My abuser was a skating monitor that day and when I needed medical attention for a mi-
were dumb My frustrations grew mdash if only they knew that there was a hurting little boy inside But I was a boy who was too afraid to say that he hurt or to cry mdash because ldquobig boys donrsquot cryrdquo I would get teased at home about being stupid or
asked ldquoWhy donrsquot you try harderrdquo
I couldnrsquot defend my-self verbally with my parents because that would have been ldquotalking backrdquo There were times when I would be so angry at them for picking on me for little things and I would think to myself ldquoYou are yell-ing at me for this while he (the abuser) is doing that to merdquo
Talk about frustration and built up rage I was a walking volcano I would fight all the time whether it was at school playing hockey or baseball it really didnrsquot matter why mdash all I knew was I was MAD
Over the years I slowly lost my self-esteem and self-worth I wanted to be anybody but me I idolized ath-letes like Bobby Orr Bobby Clarke and Pete Rose because of their dedication and work ethic Being a class clown I loved comedians (Steve Martin Richard Pryor Robin Williams Johnny Carson) and the entertainer in me loved singers (Elvis) and wanted so badly to be them Then maybe people would like me because there was abso-lutely no way anyone could really
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Glenn Allan
ldquoMy frustrations grewmdash
if only they knew that
there was a hurting little
boy inside But I was a
boy who was too afraid
to say that he hurt or to
crymdashbecause lsquobig boys
donrsquot cryrsquordquo
February 2009
Page 25
like or love me with the things my abuser had made me do
Because of the trauma of being abused I wet the bed until I was about 12 years of age which drained any remaining self-worth or self-esteem that I had left I was so embarrassed And then I had to tolerate ridiculous comments from people saying things like ldquoYou know that you are going to have to stop thisrdquo and ldquoYou are getting too old for thisrdquo No kidding really Did they think that I liked waking up in my own urine Did they not think that I wanted to stop Did they have any idea how their words hurt me Man oh man it was like that all the time They just didnrsquot think before they spoke
Frustrated and over-whelmed in my teens I finally found the ldquofriendrdquo that I had been looking for mdash first name ldquoALrdquo last name ldquoCOHOLrdquo I would be-come a whole new person when I drank booze and how I drank I found a brand new confidence I was somewhat funny when I drank dur-ing the early years of drinking however over time I became de-pressed and extremely angry I would fight in bars on a regular basis Then in December of 1987 I was stabbed outside a bar and nearly died Now you would think that being stabbed and nearly dy-ing would prompt a lifestyle
change or at the very least cause me to take a personal inventory of my situation and myself But not me I wore it as a badge of honour allowing the insanity to continue
It is said that if the drugs and alco-hol donrsquot kill you the lifestyle will During this time and over the years I was introduced to many criminals Their crimes ranged from murder assaults extortion and drug dealing to running massage parlours and prostitution mdash to just name a few One of my acquaint-ances was even a hired killer He
actually assassinated two reputed crime bosses in Ontario and is now serving a lengthy sentence for those and other killings
But I was drawn to their so-called power and complete disregard for the law Looking back on it I guess I was looking to reclaim the power
that was stolen from me by my abuser
In my early twenties I got a job working with Young Offenders as a Correctional Officer With the money I was making I bought a very nice sports car dated pretty women was extremely materialistic and yet I was never satisfied I worked in corrections for about four years During that time I also began my career in the world of entertainment as a voice impres-sionist and stand-up comedian as well as a co-host of a comedy tele-
vision show I had a tremendous ego and unknowingly had be-come rdquoThe Great I Amrdquo
After a couple of years I moved from comedy to producing and host-ing my own sports television program which aired for ten years I had so much fun and I was able to meet and interview some of sportsrsquo big-gest names
In my mid-20s when the alcohol wasnrsquot medicating my pain any longer I turned to
something stronger mdash COCAINE During a span of approximately ten years the combination of alcohol cocaine and all my poor choices cost me most of my jobs many of my relationships and all my money It drove me to criminal activity po-lice charges a conviction and a criminal record But most of all I
(Continued on page 26)
Alone Uncredited Photo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 26
was lost Glenn was slowly dying inside me I became depressed and despondent and I hated so many people But most of all I hated my-self
I had attempted suicide on a few occasions and I really and truly had a death wish I hated myself so much that on Friday January 16 1998 loaded with a supply of co-caine and booze I booked myself into a hotel room with no intention of coming out alive Friday night and Saturday passed with me drinking and getting high on co-caine After having more cocaine delivered to me on Sunday after-noon there was no turning back mdash or so I thought Approximately at midnight on Sunday I made my final decision mdash it was time for me to leave this stinking world I ingested enough cocaine to kill me and then I barricaded my hotel door and ripped the phone out of the wall I lay down on the bed defeated broken sad guilt-ridden ashamed depressed and scared yet so ready to die
Only Divine Intervention mdash some sort of miracle mdash can explain what hap-pened next The police came into my hotel room at just the right time on Sunday night and took me to the hospital Who called them how did they know to come to my room I donrsquot know Well thatrsquos not completely true Today I am a man of faith and as a Christian I know exactly who orchestrated my rescue
A Victim No More (Continued from page 25)
After a brief stay in the hospital I chose to enter the Hamilton Menrsquos Withdrawal Management Centre where I spent eleven days From there I entered an intensive addic-tion treatment centre for a six-week stay followed by a five and one half month stay at a recovery house
I have been clean and sober since Janu-ary 19 1998
I work the program of recovery intensely I was blessed with some incredible therapists who were able to break through my trust issues my rough exterior and my wall of comedy to allow me to heal I also became involved in the 12-Steps and other support groups through which I have found tremendous friendships and men-toring
Recovery is about making changes Al-though my abuser assaulted me until I was 15 years old I blamed him for all of my problems until I was 33 years old I had to change from being a pro-fessional blamer and liar to a man of responsibility character and in-tegrity It wasnrsquot easy however after many tears and lots of hard work life has gotten much better
Over time and through applying these principles I found peace se-renity and forgiveness and I also
learned how to love myself again Everything that was set in motion to harm me as a young man is now what drives me With Godrsquos help today I am able to live humbly honestly open-minded and willing to do whatever it takes to stay clean and sober while doing what I can to help others who face similar
struggles
Today I serve the Ca-nadian Centre for Abuse Awareness as the Director of the Southwestern Ontario office My mission at hand is to create a task force that will be responsible for build-ing a residential pro-gram for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
I am also the Execu-tive Producer and Host of three popular television programs Good News Sports The Edge and Living Clean Living Clean is the only live weekly interactive television program in Canada
that is designed to assist individu-als who suffer with addiction abuse andor mental illnesses
I also host The Glenn Allan Show on a local radio station in Hamil-ton ON Canada
As a motivational speaker my pres-entation entitled Youth Yak Live has enabled me to speak to thou-sands of youth nationwide since 2000 Through Youth Yak Live I
ldquoRecovery is about
making changes
Although my abuser
assaulted me until I was
15 years old I blamed
him for all of my
problems until I was 33
years old I had to
change from being a
professional blamer and
liar to a man of
responsibility character
and integrity
February 2009
Page 27
Male Survivor Groups (MSG)
By Robert Beacuterubeacute Co-founder MSG
M ale Survivor Groups (MSG) was created by a group of male survivors
of childhood sexual abuse follow-ing the death of a fellow survi-vor in Lon-don Ontario Canada The initial objec-tives were to foster cama-raderie and support for one another and also to obtain proper help
for survivors in the London area
Presently our aim is to help all male survivors and also to make our cause known It is open to all male survivors of childhood ado-lescent and adult abuse We have expanded and have supported the creation of groups across Canada and we are prepared to support the creation of groups throughout the World
Groups have been established in London Vancouver Sudbury and North Bay in Canada
Our beliefs
1 Our groups are for male survi-vors of abuse What is said in the group remains there What is stated must remain confiden-
have developed tremendous work-ing relationships with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police Ontario Provincial Police Crime Stoppers local police agencies young of-fender facilities churches self-help groups and alcohol and drug treatment centres
I also facilitate a weekly peer sup-port group for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
There was a time when I thought I would never get married and that no one could love me for who I am Colleen and I met in 1999 We both have similar pasts We both have worked through our abuse issues and are both clean and so-ber In 2001 my best friend and I married and we now have three beautiful children Ashley Brandon and Christopher Spending the rest of my life with Colleen and our family is a dream come true
The opportunity of sharing Godrsquos gifts and blessings with others is truly an honour and a privilege It is imperative that I never take these things for granted
If I can assist you or someone dear to you please donrsquot hesitate to contact me at the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness Ph 905-594-1581 or email glennccfaacom or visit these websites
wwwabusehurtscom wwwlivingcleanca wwwglennallanca
or write to me co CCAA 38 King St East PO Box 66614 Stoney Creek ON L8G 5E5
(Continued from page 26)
tial Anonymity is of the utmost importance unless the survivor has gone public But intimate details of the public person must also remain confidential Confidentiality must be assured
2 We are in the group to heal and to support each other
3 We are male survivors who want to heal and help others in the process We can be as young as 16 or as old as old can be
4 Our primary purpose is our own safe being Secondary purposes are the betterment of services for male survivors and the advancement of our cause
5 We fight on so that we may grow in solidarity
6 We are not a religious group We do use different models of functioning in our different sub-groups Ours is a healing group for more than one prob-lematic issue
7 We encourage partnerships with organisations businesses and agencies that foster the creation of services for male survivors of abuse
We have created a Facebook Group which is also open to FRIENDS who support our cause Our group is establishing partnerships with other male survivor groups in Canada and worldwide You can contact us through the Facebook page or by emailing me at berube55yahooca
Support Groups
Robert Beacuterubeacute
Vol 2 No 2
Page 28
The CCAA By Ellen Campbell [ellenccfaacom]
Founder and Executive Director Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness
A s some of you know the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness (CCAA) is a
national non-government charitable organization dedicated to eliminat-ing child abuse through advocacy education public awareness and prevention programs With help from community and corporate partners the CCAA provides accessible support healing and indi-vidual empowerment for adult survivors their fami-lies and caregivers through over 20 programs Those that listen to classic rock station Q107 in the To-ronto region will recognize us as their charity of choice through Derringerrsquos Thir-teen Days of Christmas campaign
Based in Newmarket On-tario the CCAA is an active and vibrant organization that in addition to its variety of program offer-ings is also involved in public safety advocacy That advo-cacy started with the early release from prison of one of the perpetra-tors in the Maple Leaf Gardensrsquo child sex abuse scandal Many surviving victims were traumatized again this time by the system The
CCAA went public with its concerns that day and the public safety advocacy program was born
Later the CCAA wrote a sweeping report titled Martinrsquos Hope named in memory of Martin Kruze (the first victim to courageously go public with the story of his abuse at the Gardens and who later tragi-cally took his own life) that made 60 recommendations for legislative and policy change to the criminal justice system These recommenda-tions were gleaned from round-
table discussions with over 150 front-line criminal justice system professionals crime victims and survivors To this day members of the Kruze family sit on the CCAA Board of Directors
After the initial public release of the Martinrsquos Hope report in the fall of 2003 I knew that if repairs were to be made to the criminal justice system advocacy would have to be accelerated That advocacy began in earnest in early 2006 with the hiring of John Muise a volunteer with the CCAA and previously a Toronto police officer with signifi-cant experience in legislative and policy advocacy The hire coincided with new political winds blowing in Ottawa The CCAArsquos full-time public
safety program was born
Relationships already in existence were strength-ened new ones were made and the CCAA intensified its advocacy with politi-cians stakeholders and other decision makers In addition the CCAA courted media attention recogniz-ing the opportunity to get our message out
That advocacy included the preparation of written briefs in support of testi-mony before a number of decision making bodies including several appear-ances before the House of Commons Justice Commit-tee
ADVOCACY REWARDED The last three years have brought success on a number of fronts Progress on the criminal justice reform front is rarely if ever the result of one person or just one organization advocating for
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoMartinrsquos Hoperdquo in Memory of Martin Arnold Kruze From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 29
government Although there are specific circumstances under which the age of consent is 16 (or 18) the general age of consent remained at 14 For many in the child protection
world this has been a shame of what is otherwise a devel-oped and civilized land The fight is finally over with the passage and Royal Assent of this legisla-tion in July of 2008 This is a victory for the many people that fought the good fight and most importantly this law allows prose-cution of those adult predators who choose to sexually exploit 14
and 15 year old children
Review of federal corrections policy
In 2007 the federal government ordered an independent review of the federal corrections and parole system The CCAA attended the announcement of that review and subsequently appeared before the review team and provided detailed written recommendations for change The final report included a number of recommendations that the CCAA provided including those contained in Martinrsquos Hope A rollout of some report recommen-dations has already started includ-ing a pilot project for the use of electronic monitoring on serious and violent offenders who are on parole in communities
(Continued on page 30)
Dangerous offenders Having someone declared a dan-gerous offender is very difficult to do In fact there are fewer then 400 declared dangerous offenders in the country This amendment makes it easier to bring a dangerous offender application for a serious repeat con-victed offender before the court The end result should be we hope the detection and declaration of more dangerous offenders Dangerous offender designation is for life and results in indefinite lock-up of the offender with periodic judicial reviews
Community protection orders
Also known as ldquoSection 810rdquo orders they allow the state to monitor the activities of certain subjects mdash no longer under some form of sen-tence or other judicial release but still considered a danger mdash to be placed on a judicial order similar to a bail with control and monitoring conditions The legislation explicitly expands the controls that can be usedmdashfor example electronic moni-toringmdashand extends the length of the order from one year to two
Age of protection For longer than people care to remember advocates have fought to raise the general age of consent from 14 to 16 years of age Until recently those voices have been largely ignored by the federal
change but no one can deny the important roll played by the CCAA in advancing these reforms These are all original recommendations contained in the Martinrsquos Hope report The results as they say speak for themselves and include but are not limited to the follow-ing
Mandatory minimum sentences for Internet chi ld abuse offences
Over time courts have increasingly relied on so called ldquohouse arrestrdquo provisions (see section immediately below) when sentencing offenders found guilty of Internet child abuse and similar kinds of serious child exploitation offences The sen-tences were often way out of pro-portion to the gravity of the crimes Minimum sentences were legislated for a variety of crimes with the net effect of eliminating the ability of the court to impose ldquohouse arrestrdquo
Conditional sentences of imprisonment
Better known as ldquohouse arrestrdquo this measure brought in over a decade ago was being imposed by the courts for ever more serious of-fenders and offences Many violent and dangerous offenders were allowed to serve their term of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo at home Justice and public safety were compro-mised by this provision Although the Bill that finally passed was watered down significantly by opposition party demands the end result was a tightening of the cir-cumstances under which a sen-tence of this kind could be given
ldquoAfter the initial public
release of the Martinrsquos
Hope report in the fall
of 2003 I knew that if
repairs were to be made
to the criminal justice
system advocacy would
have to be acceleratedrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 30
munity committees and inquiries including the Federal Inquiry pre-sided over by Justice Major into the Air India bombing
Moving forward We are delighted to report that John Muise our Director of Public Safety has recently received a Governor-in-council appointment as a full-time member of the Na-tional Parole Board effective in May of 2009 Although this is a big loss
for the CCAA we are thrilled for John and we know that he will bring the same com-mitment to public safety in that position as he did with the CCAA We wish him the very best in this new and challenging role
Much progress has been made in the past three years with
more anticipated The federal gov-ernment has signaled its intention to finish the work it started and attempt a further repeal of condi-tional sentences of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo They have also said that they in-tend on amending certain aspects of parole legislation and moving on tightening up security (including drug interdiction) in federal prisons
As we kick off 2009 the CCAA has the following priorities
Enhanced training for law enforcement off icers involved in chi ld abuse
investigations The introduction of provincial ldquosafe havenrdquo legislation that would pro-
vide a distressed mother who has given birth (within 72 hours) to take her baby to a place of safety (for example fire station police station hospital emergency) no questions asked and drop the baby off The purpose is to avoid the unthinkable mdash dumpster aban-donment murder at birth This legislation exists in all 50 of the United States but has yet to to be introduced in this country
Parole reform In addition the CCAA will work with partners on two parole and corrections recommendations They include legislating breach of parole as an offence for which a police officer has a power of arrest Com-plimentary to this the replacement of statutory release (automatic release after serving two thirds of a sentence) with regular earned parole Both recommendations were included in the final report of the Corrections Review Team and had been provided with others by the CCAA
We at the CCAA believe that much has been done on the criminal justice reform and public awareness front We are grateful for the pro-gress thus far and proud of the part we have played in moving the public safety agenda along
There is still much work to be done and the CCAA will step up to carry on this most important work
Selection of judges In recognition of the importance of the justice selection process the federal government has recently expanded the scope of people selected to sit on the regional Judicial Advisory Committees tasked with vetting potential ap-pointments and providing recom-mendations to the federal Attorney General and Minister of Justice for final selection Although still dominated by judges and lawyers a wider variety of voices and minds is now part of the selection proc-ess This is welcome news I am one of those voices I sit on one of the regional committees itrsquos an appointment we can all be proud of
Gun crime and other victim focused matters
Although outside the specific man-date of the CCAA (and not included in the Martinrsquos Hope report) in recognition of the impact on com-munities and particularly at risk children and youth the CCAA also appeared before the House of Commons Committee in support of mandatory minimum sentences for serious gun crimes and for amend-ments that tighten up the bail system for those charged with serious gun-related offences
In addition several crime victim supportive briefs were prepared for a number of safe school and com-
The CCAA (Continued from page 29)
ldquoWe at the CCAA hellip are
grateful for the progress
thus far and proud of
the part we have played
in moving the public
safety agenda alongrdquo
February 2009
Page 31
higher than its current statistical significance would suggest I would suggest itrsquos about one in four of the men I deal with 25 compared to the 16 suggested in the cur-rent literature If you allow for the fact that many of the men I work with have come from dysfunctional families that have been dysfunc-tional for generations the higher rate of incidence will hardly be surprising
I really had no idea when I started this job that I would have a head-
on collision with CSA No idea at all I was in my pre-survivor life My own past experi-ences were like a dormant volcano Sure some smoke would puff out every now and then for no readily apparent rea-son but no major eruption But as I heard more and more stories told by men in their own abyss of despair and self loath-ing things started to bubble within me
I remember the first man who disclosed to me He did not really intend to He started to tell part of a story and I just knew I just knew What he did say was part of an institutional abuse situa-tion that gained public awareness in the media After that story broke many men came forward as well to tell their story of how they too were abused as boys in a school
Inside
By Geeders (Jim)
W hen I was first asked to write about my experi-ences working in a jail I
wasnrsquot really sure what I could say about it Can I say this or should I say that Was it going to be really negative or show promise of better days ahead And what about me mdashthe new me mdash dealing with issues of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) at the same time as the men I see and work with How the hell was (or is) that going to work Well it is a work in progress after all and one that seems to evolve as I change and as I become more comfortable with my own sense of a new self
Let me begin by saying that there is nothing in this article that would meet the rigours of clinical dissection Equally important I do not work with sexual offenders What I am going to say is purely my experience based on personal observation No scientific analysis can be attributed to it apart from what we already know or suspect One in six men will have been sexually assaulted or abused by the time they are 18 It has long been opined that the number of abused men is actually
setting that was really a cover for juveniles in trouble with the law
The inmate I was working with did not come forward at that time He couldnrsquot His disclosure to me was the first time he had ever said anything about his abuse No one else knew mdash no one He was alone His pain was palpable and obvious His shame and guilt were profound Never had he admitted to himself what had happened in that school let alone admitted to a total stranger until that very moment I listened to his pain tried to console him just let him cry Eventually over the course of a couple of interviews it became obvious to me why he was in jail Any self-esteem that he had as a boy or young man was destroyed by his abuse His very essence was rewritten by the men who had abused him Teens get into trouble but they can also learn to later stay out of it by fol-lowing the teachings of those they trust But for this young man his ability to trust was destroyed by the very people who were sup-posed to care for him nurture him and dare I say it love him appro-priately What was even more tragic is that this man came from a cul-ture that has low tolerance for anything that even remotely resem-bles homosexuality
Being abused sent this man on a downward spiral that ultimately turned him into a drug addict by his own admission a junkie who hated himself for what ldquohe had
(Continued on page 32)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoOver the course of
several related careers I
have seen a lot of good
being done Irsquove also
seen a lot of ugliness
that even by todayrsquos
standards defies the
most common
sensibilities we have as
human beingsldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 32
donerdquo His shame and guilt and culture prevented him saying any-thing about what happened It cut him off from any legal action that might take place and removed any sort of financial compensation that he might gain as a result of his abuse It eventually cut him off from his own family because his drug abuse prevented him from working and supporting his wife and family It destroyed his ability to be a good dad and husband A few years later I saw him back in jail again
When I did encounter him again it was with an in-creased sense of awareness within me Every time a man disclosed to me that he had been sexually abused or assaulted I started to die inside A little piece of me just died every time a man said to me what I could not say to myself or anyone else That dormant volcano started to fume a bit more regularly
Over the course of several related careers I have seen a lot of good being done Irsquove also seen a lot of ugliness that even by todayrsquos standards defies the most common sensibilities we have as human beings It exists Itrsquos around every corner if we choose to look at it Along with the ugly we have the good We have people who are willing to take a stand and come forward to say to the world ldquoWe
Inside (Continued from page 31)
have a problem here itrsquos not going to go away and it needs to be fixedrdquo I had the good fortune to meet many of these people last year at a conference on male sex-ual victimization By then I had been able to learn from the men that I serve that perhaps I too could learn to tell someone Could I be a survivor too
Men in jail are there for a reason Whether itrsquos to protect society while they await trial or from
themselves or while sentenced they are here Whether I think they should be here is irrelevant They are usually at the end of their ropes Their lives are upside down and in turmoil They are frequently in withdrawal from illicit drug use They are in the bottom of a pit from which there does not appear to be an escape or refuge They are desperate and will act desperately
if needed They are angry and no longer have any control over their lives Someone has taken that control away from them They have no choice but to comply Failure to comply results in loss of privileges which can include being prohibited from contact with those they love the most Forced co-habitation with other men can evoke strong memories of prior abuse which they cannot deal with let alone understand It can be isolation
They are alone and cannot speak about their issues for fear of being discovered and further stigmatized and trau-matized by a peer group that cannot tolerate differences or diversity
I have been fortunate in that for some reason men trust me and feel safe and able to disclose And when they do you can see the relief on their faces They are scared for sure but it has always seemed to be a relief I have to ask them I have no choice because itrsquos part of my job But now as a survivor myself I can tell them they are not alone I cannot tell them about me but I can tell them they are not alone that they
are among the approximately one in six men who are assaulted or abused when they are boys or young men I can tell them about the few resources we have avail-able for men which are a 100 improvement compared to what they had when they first walked into my office I tell them about MaleSurvivor and have MS posters up in my office I can tell them that
ldquoTougher than lsquoNamrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 33
Maybe not I prefer to think that I have shown them that there is hope There is life in being a survi-vor they donrsquot have to be held hostage any longer by a secret that was put upon them by an abuser I prefer to think that I have been able to show them that they do not have to be ashamed for being male When I speak with them Irsquom a straight shooter I calls rsquoem as I sees lsquoem I use words they can understand mdash street language mdash which helps them understand their bodies and to understand that Mother Nature made them to be reactive and responsive I tell them that simply because their bodies reacted that their bodies re-sponded while being abused did not make the abuse their fault It takes a while to get there at times But the relief when the penny drops and they realize that they themselves were in no way respon-sible for the abuse is quite remark-able
Just this week Irsquove been working with a man who actually smiled when he came into my office He said ldquoI finally get it It wasnrsquot my faultrdquo He then went on to tell me that immediately prior to his at-tending in my office he had just disclosed to his sister while on the phone in his jail area surrounded by other inmates While it was perhaps not the safest venue for a disclosure he made his own deci-sion He said he was taking control As a 35 year old this man has not been in control since he was first abused at age seven Subsequent abuse only reinforced for him that he was an object a thing not worth anything Relationship after relationship failed him as he con-tinued to relive issues of abandon-
there are over 6000 people regis-tered at MS and that when they get out they will find tremendous support at the MS website I can tell them about Weekends of Re-covery without disclosing that attending a WOR was one of the best things I have done with my life They will know that they are no longer alone And not once has anyone asked me directly about me If they did I could not reply which in a round about way is a reply But I cannot reply Why The institution that I work in can be as intolerant of differences and diver-sity as the inmates are of each other The whole notion of male abuse and assault simply does not exist It is not spoken of It will not be spoken of mdash until now
Because abuse is now spoken of I have been able to create a support network for inmates and for myself Itrsquos a small step but a step never-theless Itrsquos spoken of now at a level never before reached in terms of official support and direction Support has yet to be defined but I have a mandate now to do a better job for male survivors Itrsquos on paper Itrsquos my goal
Safety of all concerned has to remain first and foremost mdash safety for the inmate safety for me With inmates disclosing to me often for the first time I am struck by what happens next A huge can of worms is opened And for what There is little safety here little opportunity to follow up The court system tosses these men around like dice One day they are here the next they are God knows where Have I done something that perhaps I shouldnrsquot have Maybe
ment physical and sexual abuse sexual orientation confusion anger management substance abuse domestic violence self respect low self esteem boundaries mdash these and much more impact upon this man daily But hersquos making a start Itrsquos another chance We all need them
I would be remiss to not mention the support of my colleagues Some of them do know about me and they have been tremendously supportive and understanding They too share a belief that it is possible for men to become survivors I cannot imagine doing this work everyday without their ongoing support I love you guys
The resources I refer to are few the Menrsquos Project in Ottawa The Gate-house in Toronto as well as local sexual assault centres I discovered on my own road to recovery that our local sexual assault centre does in fact offer services to men but does not advertise this due to the fear of being inundated with refer-rals They simply are not equipped to handle what surely lies out in my community When the report of the Cornwall Inquiry comes out later this year it is my belief that it will force our government our society to re-examine how its treatment of boys and men is provided Hope-fully those who are like I was feeling alone fearful uncomfortable in their own skin will feel more enabled to come forward to shed that skin that was put on them by their abuser(s) and step out of the ordinary letting their souls ascend and become free
Vol 2 No 2
Page 34
A History of Male Survi-vor Services in Queacutebec
and First Nations Communities
By Caroline Benamza (dance and drama therapistpsychotherapist at CRIPHASE)
And by Benoicirct St Jean (Director of CRIPHASE)
Contact Tel +1-514-529-55-67 Email infocriphaseorg
Website wwwcriphaseorg
T he latest statistics in Queacutebec show that one out of every six men has been sexually
abused before the age of 18 but there are very few statistics regard-ing male survivors and this estima-tion is only based on reported abuse Most adult men or boys who are survivors go unnoticed because most of the services in Queacutebec are exclusively for women In 2008 the male population in Queacutebec was about 3800000 of which about 3000000 are above 20 years of age (from the Institut de la Statistique) Therefore we can estimate that in Queacutebec there are around 500000 male survivors actually visible within the different health care services justice system and police departments The num-ber is already frightening for a seemingly peaceful society like Queacutebec When it comes to Native American communities as many as 80 of boys have been sexually abused before the age of 18 This number is quite similar mdash but for different reasons mdash to the male population within the Federal or Provincial prisons
The reality of male survivors of sexual abuse in childhood has remained in the dark for years in Queacutebec and it is only in the last four years that the government has acknowledged the necessity of funding counseling services for male survivors Historically it can be explained The first services for survivors have been developed since the 1960s within the very strong Queacutebeacutecois feminist move-ments The women have built along the years a strong network of ser-vices for female vic-tims of sexual abuse and domestic vio-lence Today these services still exist as the CALACS (Centres dAide et de Lutte contre les Agressions agrave Caractegravere Sexuel = Sexual Assault Cen-tres) network for survivors of sexual abuse Due to a strong belief in pro-viding a safe haven for women survivors men were turned away from these services and had nowhere to go Only two survivorsrsquo centres in the Montreal area outside the CALACS network welcomed men but those men represent only 5 of clients
This situation became obvious when the CAVAC (Centre drsquoAide pour les Victime drsquoActes Criminels = Crime Victims Assistance Centres) started to provide counseling ser-
vices to victims of criminal acts who wished to press charges and go through a court procedure The first services in Queacutebec for male survivors therefore came from a strong need in the society In 1996 the CAVAC decided to fund an experimental program directed by Denis Reneacute to offer a support group for male survivors This program was named the PHASE Groups (Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = For Men Sexually Abused in Child-
hood) With the suc-cess of these first groups between 1996 and 1997 the CAVAC of Montreal tried to secure funding for the continuation of services Unfortu-nately the PHASE Groups suffered from the double status it carried within the government the Minister of Justice that was the main funder of the CAVAC refused to fund a counseling service supposedly to be funded by the Health Minister Later the Health Minister turned down the
funding because as part of CAVAC the program should have been funded by the Minister of Justice
So it was in 1997 that Denis Reneacute decided to secure the future of the PHASE Groups by registering them
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoWhen it comes to
Native American
communities as many
as 80 of boys have
been sexually abused
before the age of 18
This number is quite
similarmdashbut for different
reasonsmdashto the male
population within the
Federal or Provincial
prisonsrdquo
February 2009
Page 35
intimacy and sexuality issues) and PHASE Artistique (a 10 weeks art and movement therapy program) with a holistic approach to body and mind recovery
In 2008 the very first weekend of recovery (named PHASE Weekend) was created and CRIPHASE wishes to make the weekend an annual event In 2003 for the first time
CRIPHASE became a full member of the Table de Concertation en Agressions Sexuelles (a gathering of several organizations providing services to survivors in addition to representatives from the Justice the Health Minister and the police) This cooperation allows a better understanding of survivor issues and needs as well as a better coor-
within a non-profit organization that took the name CRIPHASE (Centre de Resources et drsquointervention Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = Resource and Intervention Centre for Men who have been Sexually Abused in Childhood) For 10 years the Groups have survived on pri-vate funding and have provided two recovery Groups called PHASE 1 and PHASE 2 Each PHASE is a 10-week program serving non-offending male survivors over 18 years of age and of all sexual orienta-tions With its first public funding in 2004 of $38000 a director was en-gaged by the board of administration and in 2008 the PSOC (a funding body within the agency of Health and Social Services) fi-nally secured the future of CRIPHASE with a first major funding rooting CRIPHASE in the circle of sexual abuse survivors centres
Since 2006 CRIPHASE has devel-oped a major politics of visibility through the media conferences and meetings with the different actors of the Queacutebeacutecois stage Three more programs have been developed within CRIPHASE PHASE Conjoint (for partners of male survivors) PHASE Sexo (a 10 weeks program of recovery focusing on
dination of services on the ground From within the Table CRIPHASE has been able to educate people on the issue of male survivors and participate or initiate projects such as the Information Guide for Sexual Assault Victims and the first pre-vention mobilization and aware-ness march for sexual abuse survi-vors in 2008 The presence of CRIPHASE at the Table has also
allowed the feminists within the CALACS to have a better under-standing of the suffer-ing of male survivors who are also victims in their own way of an old patriarchal system CRIPHASE was also finally incorporated in the CALACS coordina-tion groupmdashcalled Table des CALACS mdash in 2008
Until 2008 there were no services provided in English (Queacutebec is a French-speaking province where Eng-lish speakers are a minority) due to lack of funding to translate the PHASE 1 docu-ments and employ English-speaking therapists The project
to offer groups in English had been put aside for years but finally in 2008 the first groups of PHASE 1 and 2 opened for English speakers The PHASE Artistique and PHASE Weekend are now bilingual pro-grams
(Continued on page 36)
Phone calls received at CRIPHASE
male survivors
therapists
relatives and loved ones
other
The average male survivor using the services at CRIPHASE is aged between 35 and 55
Vol 2 No 2
Page 36
Male survivors in the Native American
communities Recovery programs within Native American communities are only starting Many Native American men were sexually abused as well as psychologically and emotionally abused when they were sent to boarding schools across the province for assimila-tion The effects of this traumatic experience (including historic trauma) can be seen in all First Nations of Queacutebec Algonquians Cris Innus Abenakis Innuits Micmacs and so forth Today there is a strong need of heal-ing for this lost gen-eration but traumatic experiences and con-sequences have been passed on to the next generations Unfortu-nately sexual abuse is one of these problems which need to be addressed through prevention and coun-seling in a way that will integrate Native American traditions and their holistic ap-proach to medicine Such programs already exist within some communi-ties Organizations like GRIPMA (Groupe de Recherches et dInter-ventions Psychosociales en Milieu Autochtone = Research and Inter-vention group in Aboriginal Com-munities) located in the Huron
History of Male Survivor Services (Continued from page 35)
community of Wendake (near Queacute-bec city) provide a clinical expertise in intervention within Native Ameri-can communities On the other side the Aboriginal Healing Foun-dation based in Ottawa is currently funding 16 recovery projects for the First Nations in Queacutebec ad-dressing sexual abuse addiction prevention of suicide boarding schools trauma etc until 2010
Last year the publication of the five-year funding plan on sexual abuse by the provincial govern-ment of Queacutebec has seen the recognition of male survivors as a population in great need of ser-vices It has also recognized the necessity of providing services to the First Nations communities
Things are changing in Queacutebec for male survivors Because CRIPHASE is the only organization providing support and counseling to men in Queacutebec who have been sexually abused in childhood there is great hope for an increase of funding this year The constant develop-ment of CRIPHASE and the increase in phone calls and numbers of guys within the services (in 2008-
2009 there will be seven groups of PHASE 1 in-stead of five the year before) also show that men in Queacutebec are get-ting the right information on sexual abuse and services and are being encouraged to look for help and engage in re-covery
If you are one of these men in Queacutebec we are waiting for your call Remember you are not alone
For the annual march event please visit wwwmarchevasca (Information for the May 2009 march will be on line from February 2009)
Quilt Square by a Native Child from Alberta From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 37
MaleSurvivor is men surviving sexual abuse in Canada we will start with Canadarsquos sad legacy of abuse of children by clergy
A Brief Incomplete Canadian History
In Canada our First Nations People have had to bear the legacy of abuse they endured in Canadarsquos notorious residential schools Cur-rent issues of addictions and family and mental health problems amongst our First Nations people can be traced back to the legacy of abuse experienced by Native chil-dren in residential schools
Around 1874 the federal government began working with the churches (Catholic Anglican United and Presbyte-rian) to set up the Residential School System as a means to suppress Native cul-ture and promote assimilation In gen-eral children between the ages of five and 16 were taken from their parents and sent to church-run residen-tial schools The extent of the abuse in these church-run schools has been referred to as the ldquoCanadian Holocaustrdquo Recently the Canadian Government formed the Truth and Reconciliation Commis-sion (TRC) as part of the court-approved Indian Residential Schools Settlement Agreement The
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious
Leader By Nancy N Mayer MSW RSW
Partner Crisci amp Mayer Consultation Counselling and
Training Toronto wwwckmconsultationcom
Introduction
L ikely all the readers of this newsletter have knowledge and expertise about men
being physically sexually and emotionally abused Research tells us that abusers can come from any
walk of life and most often are known to the child or adult In the last decade abuse by clergy has finally ldquocome out of the closetrdquo so to
speak thanks to those brave survi-vors who have made public their experiences of being abused by clergy More than ever survivor groups are encouraging victims to report these crimes to the police and to consider seeking civil re-dress for their injuries Many groups believe that change in churches will only come when they are held accountable for the abuse perpetrated by clergy
This article will attempt to address the distinctive issues that are com-mon to this population of survivors Because the focus of this issue of
purpose of the commission is not to determine guilt or innocence but to create an historical account of the residential schools help people to heal and encourage reconciliation between Aboriginal and non-aboriginal Canadians
The notorious Mount Cashel Or-phanage is another Canadian leg-acy of sexual abuse by clergy This facility was operated in Newfound-land by the Christian Brothers More than a dozen priests were convicted after decades of abusing young boys at the orphanage
Mount Cashel Or-phanage closed in 1989 just six months after allegations of sexual physical and emotional abuse were published by the media (For more in depth information see Harris Michael Unholy Orders Trag-edy at Mount Cashel Ontario Viking Press 1990)
Like the US there have been hundreds and perhaps thou-sands of cases of children and vulner-
able adults abused by clergy in every religious denomination Unlike the US our country is not bound as strictly by statutes of limitations so lawsuits can proceed more freely Our sentences for convicted clerical sex offenders are
(Continued on page 38)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Nancy N Mayer
ldquo[First Nations] children
between the ages of five
and 16 were taken from
their parents and sent to
church-run residential
schools The extent of
the abuse in these
church-run schools has
been referred to as the
lsquoCanadian Holocaustrsquoldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 38
nowhere near as severe as those of our American neighbours Most first offenders will not serve a day in jail The civil awards for personal inju-ries are also quite low Our court system promotes set-tling these cases out of court When a case fails to go to trial it is not part of the public re-cord The widespread use of confidentiality orders media fatigue and Canadian reserve means that it is impos-sible to obtain accurate statistics on how often men are abused by clergy or even the ex-tent of the problem in this country
The Authority of Rel igious Leaders Religious organizations have always played a central role in our so-cieties They provide moral ethical and spiritual guidance Reli-gious teachings have given us a context and meaning for our lives Most religious belief revolves around a divine power or God Religious leaders (ministers priests rabbis elders nuns) are thought to be Godrsquos earthly repre-sentatives and are treated with reverence and respect They have intimate involvement with families and children at such vulnerable times as an illness death or other family crises They may have access
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 37)
to confidential information by virtue of their roles of confessor or counsellor A child brought up by religious parents is taught to re-spect these men and women Oth-ers associated with churches mdash choir leaders teachers cantors youth group leaders mdash are also considered trustworthy by virtue of their close
association with their religious organizations Most parents en-courage their childrenrsquos participa-tion in church-based activities believing them to be safe and wholesome
These leaders are considered to be esteemed authorities and as repre-sentatives of God wield a great deal of power Depending on the faith group there may be teachings
that support an unquestioning adherence to their instructions and guidance This makes children and vulnerable adults particularly sus-ceptible to exploitation by this group because they have access opportunity and trust
Misuse of Power Perpetrators can utilize their positions of power and trust to gain access to their victims some-times for extended periods of uninterrupted time They may tell children that they are being asked to ldquoserve Godrdquo or that they or their families will be punished if they do not do as instructed Chil-dren may be threatened with eternal damnation or blamed for leading the religious leader into sin If the religion con-siders premarital sex or same sex contacts as sinful the guilt will be compounded
In most cases the victim will not disclose or may disclose but not be
believed A child will have a difficult time convincing adults that he or she has been victimized The vic-timrsquos family culture or communi-ties have been socialized to see their religious leaders as unques-tionably good and incapable of lies This can lead to others denying or minimizing the victimrsquos experience of abuse The victim is initially harmed by the abuser and then is revictimized by those who cannot
ldquoMay Hope be Passed through Every Handrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 39
institutionrsquos response and lack of compassion and pastoral care
The Impact on Spir ituality
The frequently used term ldquosoul murderrdquo aptly describes what hap-pens when the abuser is a religious leader When the response of the religious institu-tion to a disclosure of abuse is experienced as self-serving and uncaring the survivor will likely lose his faith in the religious community of which he has been a part To belong and to feel connected is a basic human need When abused by clergy the loss of connection and belonging to what may have been a spiritual anchor can be devastating
To compound the harm the abuse may have occurred in a religious building The abuser may have worn traditional cleri-cal attire or may have made religious or biblical refer-ences As a result being exposed to religious symbols music or any other reminder can trigger flashbacks and other uncomfortable physical symptoms
The cleric is often considered Godrsquos representative on earth This gives the cleric power that surpasses his position and status When abuse is at the hands of a minister nun
accept that their spiritual leaders are capable of abuse There are many stories of clergy abuse survi-vors being abandoned by their religious communities (who side with the cleric) and their families who cannot face leaving the church that has given their lives meaning and comfort The resultant feelings of betrayal and abandonment are profound
The Role of the Religious Inst itutions
When religious institutions hold themselves up as ethical compasses and arbitrators of right and wrong society has an expectation that church leaders will act in a fair and moral way Many US Commissions and Grand Juries and Canadian reports such as the Winter Com-mission Report (Archdiocese of St Johns Newfoundland Canada 1990) Child Abuse in Community Institutions and Organizations and Improving Public and Professional Understanding (prepared for the Law Commission of Canada) all record and explain the dynamics that have lead to the failure of religious institutions to protect our children
While it is well known that any institution mdash educational recrea-tional or spiritual mdash is not immune from having sex offenders in its midst the religious institutions have a particular legacy of protect-ing the institution through aggres-sive legal tactics versus truth telling and reconciliation Many victims state that they have been less wounded by the actual abuse and profoundly more damaged by the
priest rabbi minister or elder the recipient of the abuse may experi-ence profound guilt for ldquoparticipatingrdquo in ldquosinfulrdquo behaviour mdash a mistaken belief that he is respon-sible for the abuse or shame that
he has ldquosinnedrdquo He may believe he is deserving of rejection or eternal damnation If he confesses he risks exposing the cleric who has likely done what he could to trick the victim into believing that he must maintain silence and secrecy One survivor describes feeling that rdquoIt was like being abused by God him-self If even God couldnrsquot love me how could anyone else ever love merdquo
These factors alone can leave a man who has been abused by clergy unable to find comfort and solace in what used to be his spiritual beliefs and his church Without these familiar beliefs the survivor is aban-
doned and alone when he most needs support
The Role of Gender While woman are ordained in some denominations there is still an imbalance of power between men and women in many religious tradi-tions For boys and men abused by male clerics embarrassment and
(Continued on page 40)
ldquoThe frequently used
term lsquosoul murderrsquo aptly
describes what happens
when the abuser is a
religious leader When
the response of the
religious institution to a
disclosure of abuse is
experienced as self-
serving and uncaring
the survivor will likely
lose his faith in the
religious community of
which he has been
a partrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 40
concerns of how they will be per-ceived promote silence For the boy or man abused by a female cleric there may be worries that he will be labelled the seducer or pres-sured to consider this ldquorelationshiprdquo as non-abusive
The study conducted by the John Jay Col-lege of Criminal Jus-tice regarding The Nature and Scope of the Problem of Sexual Abuse of Minors by Priests and Deacons in the Catholic Church (Washington DC USCCB 2004) found some very disturbing information about the age and gender of victims The largest group of reported victims (509) was between the ages of 11 and 14 273 of victims were 15 to 17 16 were eight to 10 and nearly 6 were under age seven Overall 81 of vic-tims were male and 19 female Male victims tended to be older than female victims Over 40 of all victims were males between the ages of 11 and 14
The largest group of reported victims in this study consisted of boys who were entering puberty This is a tumultuous time in most
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 39)
young menrsquos lives To have this period of development disrupted can contribute to many mental health problems including lack of confidence disruption of emo-tional sexual and psycho-social development isolation sexual identity confusion depression anxiety and abuse of substances
In Summary The harm experienced by those
who are abused by clergy is profound and multifaceted Some therapists will not want to work with survivors of clergy abuse due to the complexity of their issues their limited knowledge of the subject area possible religious biases and potential for litigation Most (but certainly not all) survivors will have experienced revictimization by their churches or religious institutions This compounded by abuse by a religious leader in a position of power will under-standably lead to unique challenges Survivors will have
significant trust issues that can impede the forming of a trusting therapeutic relationship with a therapist who will also be in a position of power and may be an employee of an institution With transparency and skill on the part of the therapist and tenacity on the part of the survivor effective thera-
peutic partnership can be achieved While recovery is difficult it is possible
The irony is that many survivors of abuse by clergy have a strong sense of integrity morality and perseverance They learned the lessons that the ldquoreligiousrdquo offend-ers failed to learn At the core of their beings these clergy abuse survivors are the prophets who have come to speak the truth and reveal the abuse and the decep-tions It is this desire for social justice truth telling belonging and connection that will allow a healthy spiritual belief system to rise out of the ashes of what has happened It is this healthy spiritual belief that makes many clergy abuse survivors persistent and tenacious in seeking recovery and social justice They are making a difference and chang-ing the world as we know it
ldquoThe harm experienced
by those who are
abused by clergy is
profound and
multifaceted Some
therapists will not want
to work with survivors
of clergy abuse due to
the complexity of their
issues their limited
knowledge of the
subject area possible
religious biases and
potential for litigationldquo
February 2009
Page 41
tion of it earlier in the lsquo90s but 1997 is when there was a critical mass of mostly male survivors coming forward and taking action against Maple Leaf Gardens Your question specifically was ldquoDid it play a role in my choice of ca-reersrdquo
MS Yes
SJ Yes and no The Maple Leaf
Gardens cases were not my first sexual assault cases but my in-volvement in these cases solidified my interest and desire to help sur-vivors
MS Could you take a few minutes to explain to our readers just what the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal was and why it has played a central role in revealing the extent of sex-ual abuse at least in the Toronto area
of my clients will say something like ldquoYou know this is not about the money I donrsquot care how much I get this is about something elserdquo And whatever that person seeks mdash an apology or the empowerment of filing a lawsuit or a million other unique things mdash that is why I do this kind of work Itrsquos about helping people through whatever process they need in order to begin that healing process the moving forward process
MS And also to provide your clients with a sense of justice
SJ Absolutely Justice is really not about the money itrsquos about the knowledge that theyrsquove come forward theyrsquove done something and theyrsquove empowered themselves It takes a tre-mendous amount of courage to do that I am always in awe of my cli-ents for the amount of courage they have They are my inspiration
MS Many Americans are unaware of the so-called Maple Leaf Gar-dens sex scandal that began some-time in the 1960s but didnrsquot come to wide public attention until 1997 the year after you began practicing law Did this scandal have some affect on your choice of career
SJ Actually the scandal did come to prominence before 1997 There was scattered media atten-
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 1)
SJ Sure There was a series of men who were employed at Maple Leaf Gardens which was the home of the Toronto Maple Leafs mdash the hockey club mdash who over a period of a couple of decades sexually abused probably hundreds of chil-dren It started in the lsquo60s it went on we believe until the early lsquo80s There were two principal men in-volved but there were at least three
others who also were ac-cused In order to under-stand why the Maple Leaf Gardens sex scandals are as important as they are you have to understand that hockey in Toronto and hockey in Canada is almost a religion Hockey is to Canadians what the NFL or Major League Baseball is to Americans Every little boy dreams of about becoming the next Wayne Gretzky becoming the best hockey player he can be Maple Leaf Gar-dens was the home of one of the best loved and biggest hockey teams mdash the Toronto Maple Leafs The Gardens was the high
temple of hockey in Canada and still is In the lsquo60s lsquo70s and even the lsquo80s children mdash mostly boys mdash would go to Maple Leaf Gardens usually unaccompanied by their parents because back then nobody really thought that anything bad would happen to them at the Gar-dens The boys would go there ei-ther for practice games or to watch the Maple Leafs play or more likely they would go to watch To-
(Continued on page 42)
ldquoMaple Leaf Gardens in Memory of Martin Kruzerdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 42
ronto Marlies games The Marlies were the farm team for the Toronto Maple Leafs During these games and these practices the pedophiles who worked at the Gardenrsquos would often befriend these boys seeking out boys who were more vulner-able than others most likely and would sexually assault the boys sometimes off-property but most often within the Gardens itself They would use their position as employees of the Gardens to be able to say to the boys if you come with me Irsquoll get you a broken hockey stick or hockey puck or Irsquoll get you into better seats the next game or whatever other type of inducement would be necessary to get the boys to go with them into either a washroom or a training room or other private place where the boys would be sexually abused
In 1997 there were about 50 or 60 cases all joined to-gether and Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Entertainment Ltd wanted to settle all the cases prior to the Toronto Maple Leafs moving into a new hockey rink called the Air Canada Center so as to have a clean slate at the new rink By and large a lot of the litigation was fin-ished before the team moved into the Air Canada Center but not all of it In fact there are probably 17 or 19 cases going through the court
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 41)
system today more than 10 years after the original large group of plaintiffs went through the court and I believe that new people will continue to come forward when they are strong enough
MS I understand that one of the principal plaintiffs in the case Mar-tin Kruze had settled with the owners or the operators of the Ma-ple Leaf Gardens in 1995 and that he signed a confidentiality agree-ment not to reveal the settlement
or perhaps even the details of what had happened to him Do you think that the confidentiality agree-ment Mr Kruze agreed to slowed down or hindered the full exposure of this scandal
SJ I think that any confidentiality agreement blocks public access to knowledge and to understanding so I do suspect that Martinrsquos confi-dentiality agreement did have some impact on the scandal re-
maining hidden for as long as it did Absolutely yes I believe that confidentiality agreements are in-herently difficult for plaintiffs be-cause they create and continue a cycle of secrecy Sexual assault is a crime that is almost always carried out in secret and the guilt and shame it produces is key in helping pedophiles maintain their hold over their victims Putting a confidential-ity agreement on a settlement just perpetuates the guilt and the shame
MS Unfortunately Martin Kruzersquos principal perpetrator received a shockingly light sen-tence for all his actions and I understand that this led to Martin com-mitting suicide shortly afterwards
SJ I would think that the perpetratorrsquos sentence was a part of why Martin chose to end his life yes It hap-pened relatively shortly after the sentencing and I suspect that it weighed heavily on Martinrsquos decision
MS Do you think that the sen-tence that the perpetrator received was a reflection of the then current attitude towards pedophiles and sexual abuse
SJ The sentence that the perpe-trator received was a reflection on the way that the Canadian justice system deals with criminals regard-ing personal crimes absolutely It was a very low sentence in keep-
Imants Kruze visiting his sonrsquos memorial quilt square in the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 43
obtain here versus how much they can obtain in the United States In the United States there is no cap for pain and suffering awards whereas here in Canada there is a very small cap mdash about $325000 If a survivor of sexual assault goes through the court system and even if they have a very good day in court in terms of compensation yoursquore probably looking at an award for dam-ages somewhere be-tween $200000 and $500000 Sometimes itrsquos actually less than $200000 and very very rarely more than $500000 so in that sense we are defi-nitely behind But I donrsquot think itrsquos a question of waiting 10 years to see if we ldquocatch uprdquo I think itrsquos just a fundamental difference in how our court system works and whatrsquos available to survivors in terms of compensation
If you mean that Canada is 10 years behind in dealing with other aspects of sexual assault then you are probably correct in terms of media attention public awareness and outrage Sexual assault is still largely an unreported unprose-cuted crime But things are getting better every day and as more and more survivors come forward posi-tive changes will continue to hap-pen
MS As Irsquom sure you know therersquos periodic discussion about tort re-
ing with what was handed out at the time and to a large extent itrsquos still in keeping with what is handed out right now
MS Are you still representing or have you represented anyone who is a plaintiff in this scandal
SJ I was very much involved in the core group of Maple Leaf Gar-dens survivors that came forward in 1997 I was on what was called the plaintiffsrsquo committee back then which was a group of a few lawyers who brought the litigation forward I represented a number of plaintiffs in the original group that came forward I have also represented quite a few men throughout the last 10 years and currently repre-sent two men in the last group of plaintiffs to come forward I have also been approached by at least two other men who may decide to pursue litigation
MS Dale English mdash who has spo-ken to you at some length mdash has said to me that either you or he or both of you have felt that Canada is perhaps 10 or more years behind the US in dealing with the issues of sexual abuse and sexual assault Could you elaborate on that com-ment
SJ I think it depends on what you mean by dealing with the is-sues If you mean dealing with the issues in terms of bringing civil cases forward to a certain extent we are behind One of the funda-mental differences between the United States and Canada is the way that our tort systems operate and specifically the amount of compensation that tort victims can
form in the United States mainly aimed at capping punitive dam-ages Irsquom wondering whether there is the mirror of that in Canada mdash whether therersquos any movement to-wards tort reform that would allow greater awards to victims
SJ Well there is and there isnrsquot In Canada itrsquos very difficult if not
impossible to get pu-nitive damages espe-cially if therersquos a criminal conviction The punitive damages that are available in Canada are very low A typical punitive damage award would be $20000 or $25000 - usually not much more than that So damages are quite restricted here in any event In terms of tort reform I think there is a global push by in-surance companies to
try to limit compensation whether in the States or here The things that the American Association of Justice are fighting for down in the States are the same things that the Ontario Trial Lawyers Association are fighting for here mdash the continued ability to sue for compensation un-hampered by legislative roadblocks benefitting powerful institutional defendants to the detriment of those who have suffered Ours is a much smaller playing field and therefore less money is at stake In terms of plaintiffsrsquo lawyers wersquore trying to maximize the compensa-tion that we can get for our client Every time we go to court we try
(Continued on page 44)
ldquoIf you mean that
Canada is 10 years
behind in dealing with
other aspects of sexual
assault then you are
probably correct in
terms of media
attention public
awareness and outrageldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 44
to get a higher damage award so that that case will be a building block for future cases There are always attempts to try to circum-vent the cap on pain and suffering damages that we have Itrsquos not an easy thing to do the cap has been in place in Canada for 32 years now It was put in place in 1977 by the Supreme Court of Canada and itrsquos unlikely to be overturned any-time soon Even though from a purely theoretical legal analysis that cap does not apply to pain and suffering damages for victims of sexual assault and sexual abuse the reality is that judges still use that cap as a high water mark even though it doesnrsquot formally apply mdash it is still a de facto cap and to be honest with you it is almost impos-sible to get anywhere near that cap for compensation for pain and suf-fering A typical pain and suffering award in Canada for childhood sex-ual abuse is somewhere between $100000 and $200000 Anything on top of that would be associated economic loss or care costs
MS Itrsquos quite unfortunate that even though therersquos no real cap the law behaves as if there were one
SJ Yep I couldnrsquot agree with you more Itrsquos very unfortunate
MS I understand that in 2005 the government of Ontario convened whatrsquos known as the Cornwall Pub-lic Inquiry Was the Inquiry con-vened to address the issues of sex-ual abuse and sexual assault and
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 43)
the way the justice system is han-dling it
SJ Thatrsquos probably one of the reasons the Inquiry was convened Thatrsquos one of the hopes The In-quiry was convened because of what was going on in a little city east of Toronto mdash a series of allega-tions against very prominent mem-bers of that community involving the sexual abuse of children over a period of many many years The idea behind the Inquiry is to try to figure out what happened and to put in place some recommenda-tions that will not only stop some-thing like the abuse in Cornwall from happening again but will also try to help those who were affected by the events in the first place And to some extent I think some good will come of the Inquiry Hopefully the recommendations will be good for survivors of childhood sexual abuse or any kind of sexual assault The Submission phase of the In-quiry officially ended late February 2009
MS Did you have the opportunity to testify before the Inquiry
SJ I did not personally testify before the Inquiry Testimony was generally limited to the people ac-tually involved mdash police officers vic-tims what not I was involved in the Inquiry with regards to a panel discussionroundtable that they had regarding the use of confiden-tiality agreements
MS As you probably know Male-Survivor was first founded in the early 1980s by a group of thera-pists who were concerned about support for victims of childhood
sexual abuse and although Male-Survivor is still not a very large or-ganization it has increased its in-fluence significantly over the years and Irsquom wondering whether there is a similar non-profit or other group in Canada that also is dedi-cated to helping victims of child-hood sexual abuse
SJ There are some grass roots organizations that deal with victims of childhood sexual abuse or adult sexual assault I donrsquot believe there is as cohesive a unit as MaleSurvi-vor I may be wrong on that but there are smaller more community based organizations that assist sur-vivors That being said resources available to survivors are unfortu-nately pretty limited
MS Is that because there are too few therapists in that form of prac-tice
SJ I think itrsquos a mixture of many different things First of all Canada has a much smaller population base mdash 30 million people as com-pared to 300 million in the United States mdash so you have significantly fewer people affected and there-fore you have significantly fewer resources available to those people The services that we do have will often have very long waiting lists before people can access them There are some very very good counselors in Canada assisting sur-vivors but unfortunately the waiting lists are sometimes long and the availability for public funding to provide services free of charge is somewhat limited
MS Is there anything in your opinion about the Canadian health
February 2009
Page 45
system that contributes to the scar-city of services
SJ I donrsquot know if itrsquos the Cana-dian health system I think that in Canada we have a pretty good public health system in the sense that anybody who needs medical services can access those services free of charge The problem is that a lot of these services are not covered under our health system per se Many are covered under either private plans or pay as you go type services and itrsquos just a question of finding the people who can provide these services and being lucky enough to get them when they either donrsquot have a waiting list or other-wise having to wait until your name comes up on that waiting list
MS And that could takes years in some cases it seems
SJ My understanding is that those waiting lists can be quite long but there are very good peo-ple out there Itrsquos just a question of finding them and being able to afford them
MS Can you elaborate on other differences between the US and Canada that affect the way survi-vors and perpetrators are treated by the legal system and the media
SJ The differences between Can-ada and the US are really huge On the surface Americans and Canadi-ans look pretty much the same dress the same talk the same eat the same foods and by and large watch the same TV but culturally there is a huge difference in the way we look at the world in the
way our legal system works and the way that people interact with one another
Americans are much more litigious by na-ture I think this is due to the fact that in the United States mdash at least as seen from the outside mdash the rights of the individual are paramount In Can-ada less so Canada is much more commu-nity-oriented We of-tentimes think about how something is going to affect others instead of looking at what an individual might be entitled to I think that the high
damage awards available through the American legal system are beneficial in sexual abuse cases as is the lack of a cap on awards which we have
In some ways though our legal system is much better for my cli-ents than the US system would be because of the way that our actual process works One of the things that I know is very damaging to a lot of plaintiffs in the United States is the whole discovery process tak-
ing depositions Depositions can go on for a huge number of days and pretty much everybody in the per-sonrsquos life can be called to give a deposition That is very troubling and painful for people who donrsquot necessarily want others to know about their abuse or donrsquot want to involve their family Here in Canada depositions mdash or what we call the examination for discovery mdash are lim-ited to the actual named parties in the lawsuit The defendant and the plaintiff are examined for discovery or deposed if you will Anyone who is not an actual party to the litiga-tion can only be discovered under court orders and itrsquos very difficult to get those court orders so in that sense itrsquos a much quicker cleaner process and less intrusive on some-onersquos life So that is probably a good thing
The other really huge difference between the two systems which I think does in fact impact on why a lot of these cases settle as opposed to going to court and oftentimes settle for very different amounts of money than they would if they went to court is that in Canada we have a ldquoloser paysrdquo system If you go to court and you lose you have to pay at least a portion of the fees incurred by the other side Letrsquos say the defendantrsquos settlement offer is $100000 If the plaintiff does not accept that $100000 and at trial the plaintiff gets $99000 then the plaintiff has to pay the lawyerrsquos fees of the defendant because the award is less than the settlement offer That is very difficult That means that a lot of cases are set-tled for probably less money than
(Continued on page 46)
ldquoOn the surface
Americans and
Canadians look pretty
much the same hellip but
culturally there is a
huge difference in the
way we look at the
world in the way our
legal system works and
the way that people
interact with one
anotherldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 46
MS I join you in that hope Any-thing that can advance the cause of not only helping people but also helping prevent further abuses is always going to be welcome If you could set forth a vision of how you would like to see the law and the therapeutic community in Canada evolve to handle matters of child-
hood sexual abuse and sexual assault mdash if you could influence the reform of institu-tions what would your vision be
SJ Oh Richard Wow Well first and foremost I would love to raise public aware-ness of this issue for various reasons I think that increased public awareness will not necessarily reduce the instances of abuse but will help improve how abuse is dealt with when itrsquos ongoing and after-wards Itrsquos very im-portant that when a child is hurt that
child knows that he can go to peo-ple for help and support All too often if kids get up enough cour-age to tell someone the reaction they get is not very positive I think that with increased public aware-ness hopefully people will under-stand that there are ways to deal with this that will decrease the amount of harm so public aware-ness is paramount
I would like the legal system to raise compensation awards for sur-
turning point in bringing to the publicrsquos attention that the sexual assault of children can happen does happen and itrsquos a very diffi-cult thing for anyone to go through whether theyrsquore little boys or grown men that were abused as children It brought childhood sex-ual abuse out of the shadows to a certain extent The scandal still garners media attention as new survivors come forward but not the same as it did 10 years ago
MS Would you say that the lack of inves-tigative reporting is a cultural phenomenon or is it that the news-papers donrsquot feel they have that role
SJ Oh no Canadian newspapers do feel that they have a role in investigating things but for whatever rea-son sexual abuse of children has not been a priority The Cana-dian media really has not been at the forefront of this issue the way the media in the United States has been and I think that is tremen-dously disappointing The lack of media attention means that we arenrsquot fostering the awareness within the public that we need in order to provide real help and ser-vices for survivors We need the mediarsquos help to bring this horrific crime to light and to help stop it from happening
they would get if they went to court because that risk of going to court and not getting at least the amount of the original offer weighs heavily on everyone Our system is designed and geared toward avoid-ing trials which can be good be-cause nobody really wants to go through a trial but can be bad be-cause people become very intimi-dated by the prospect of losing or not getting as much as the settle-ment offer and being indebted to the defendant for a lot of money Thatrsquos a scary scary thing to go through
With regards to the media the US has a media that by and large has helped out a lot with sexual abuse cases The whole issue of clergy abuse really started with investiga-tive reporting by the Boston Globe right
MS Right
SJ They really took that issue and just ran with it Here in Canada we really havenrsquot had the same kind of investigative media cover-age as yoursquove had which is why events like the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal are not as huge as they are down in the States
Before Martin Kruze committed sui-cide the media was only somewhat interested in the Maple Leaf Gar-dens scandal Martin Kruze was a figure because he had sued the Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Com-plex But after he committed sui-cide the media was really galva-nized and that was probably a
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 45)
ldquoThe lack of media
attention means that we
arenrsquot fostering the
awareness within the
public that we need in
order to provide real
help and services for
survivors We need the
mediarsquos help to bring
this horrific crime to
light and to help stop it
from happeningrdquo
February 2009
Page 47
ments but it canrsquot at this stage really happen through the courts
I would want there to be an ability for institutions or perpetrators mdash de-fendants mdash to look beyond mere dollars and cents and look toward healing the person that they have hurt either directly or indirectly All too often in these cases we really become tied up in the legal minu-tiae of things as opposed to defen-dants saying ldquoOK letrsquos step back here and letrsquos try to helprdquo
I wish that there were a real under-standing that these cases are not car accident cases and they should
not be treated as car accident cases My clients are not people whorsquove broken a leg and therefore need X amount of dollars in order to pay for medical services or whatnot And unfortu-nately that doesnrsquot necessarily happen
In terms of the thera-peutic community I would love to see counseling and therapy ses-sions be paid for through the pub-lic purse so that people who re-quire the services of highly-skilled counselors and therapists and psy-chologists can access those services without having to pay for them A lot of clients just donrsquot have the economic means to pay for such services until after they get a set-tlement and that could take years It would be wonderful to see those kinds of services funded the same way as a trip to the emergency room or a trip to your family doc-tor for a cold is funded Irsquod love to
vivors The amount of damage that can be done as a result of child-hood abuse or in fact any kind of sexual assault is tremendous It affects almost every aspect of someonersquos life It becomes inter-generational because it affects the people around the survivor and compensation awards are still very much a pale reflection of what is needed in order to help these peo-ple I hope that at some point our judges and our legislature under-stand that need and can corre-spondingly give appropriate and reasonable damage awards so that people can start to rebuild their lives in a meaningful way
I would love there to be an opportunity within our civil system for more than just compensation At this stage the only thing that a civil judge can do is award monetary compensation There are a lot of creative things that you can do within a settlement that are not purely fi-nancial that can give a lot of sol-ace to someone who has been abused whether that be in the form of some non-financial healing whether it be in the form of a situation where somebody can con-front their abuser if thatrsquos what they wish to do in a safe setting or whether itrsquos the ability for that sur-vivor to do something outside of pure simple dollars and put for-ward some sort of healing plan that is as individual as they are That can happen through settle-
be able to see that I think that that would go a long way to helping people earlier rather than later
Ultimately I wish that this situation didnrsquot exist anymore and I would be put out of business frankly
MS Well I can certainly sympa-thize with the way you feel but it would seem that you have a career ahead of you dealing with this problem
SJ Unfortunately I think you are right I think that instances of child-hood sexual abuse are not neces-sarily going down I think that insti-tutions are getting a little bit better at putting in place policies and sometimes even following their own policies to stop pedophiles from entering those institutions and preying on people that those insti-tutions are theoretically set up to serve but I think that as long as the problem of childhood sexual abuse is with us I will be out there trying to help anybody that I can
MS Is there anything else yoursquod like to say to our readers
SJ I think that organizations such as MaleSurvivor are imperative in helping people understand that they are not alone that itrsquos not their fault and there are ways to get help So hats off to an organi-zation such as yours The clients I have who are involved in your or-ganization are very very well served so I have to thank you for being a resource
MS Thank you very much for your kind comments and for your time Simona
ldquoUltimately I wish that
this situation didnrsquot exist
anymore and I would be
put out of business
franklyrdquo
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-
February 2009
Page 13
during which time I began a private practice The part-time private practice filled quickly (and became full-time after two years) with re-covering alcoholics and addicts adult children of alcoholics and increasingly adult survivors of sex-ual abuse
It was while I was working that first year in a menrsquos residential addic-tion treatment facility that men be-gan to disclose to me that they had been sexually abused as boys These emotionally charged disclo-sures were always one-on-one and curiously were occurring way more often with me than with other counselors on staff I say ldquocuriouslyrdquo because I was curious as to why this was happening It was only that same year in context of self-help support and professional help that I ldquoconnected the dotsrdquo between my own sex-ual abuse as a boy and the problems that had developed in my life I did not yet fully understand as I do now that with the highly sensitive ldquoradarrdquo that survivors seem to have these men were recognizing in me an empathetic kindred spirit who would somehow relate to their is-sues To learn to help these men (and to help myself) along a heal-ing path I began to seek out any and all training I could find on the subject
In those early years I learned mostly from women in the feminist movement who had been aware of the impact of sexual abuse for dec-ades and were far ahead of men in helping each other heal Much of what they knew and so generously shared was also useful in working with men There are however ma-jor differences and I was fortunate in connecting with some of the pioneers (Mike Lew among others) who were researching and articulat-ing those differences and how to address them in recovery Over succeeding years I continued to gain experience doing one-on-one
therapy with male survivors and in lead-ing and supervising group-based pro-grams for a succes-sion of Ontario agen-cies Along the way I have been honored to serve as clinical consultant for two treatment handbooks on working with men who have experi-enced childhood sex-ual abuse
A significant experi-ence professionally for me was leaving
my private practice for five years (2000-2005) to work full-time as a Program Development Specialist at Bellwood Health Services a 60-bed in-patient addictions treatment fa-cility in Toronto It was stimulating and rewarding to play lead roles in designing and implementing Can-adarsquos first residential treatment program for sexual addiction and Canadarsquos first truly concurrent
treatment program for soldiers and veterans with substance depend-ency and post-traumatic stress (I like the term ldquoOperational Stress Injuryrdquo adopted by the Canadian military which encompasses the whole spectrum of clinical and sub-clinical combat-related stress disor-ders not just psychiatrically diag-nosable PTSD)
At this point in my life and career (as of 2005) I and my second wife (I have been happily remarried now for close to ten years) have chosen to ldquosemi-retirerdquo to the small town of Deep River Ontario about a six-hour drive north of Toronto where I maintain a part-time private prac-tice providing counseling therapy training and consulting in two of the specialties I am known for re-covery for male survivors of child-hood sexual abuse and sexual ad-diction recovery I also ldquokeep my hand inrdquo in the field of combat-related post-traumatic stress treat-ment by working two days a week as an addictions counselor at a large nearby Canadian Forces Base (in Petawawa) which is sending units regularly to Afghanistan and where we are seeing growing num-bers of soldiers self-medicating their post-traumatic stress symp-toms with addictive behavior and substances
Deep River affords us a wonderfully quiet and gently paced lifestyle in a part of the country with beautiful natural surroundings and consis-tently and gloriously clean air but it poses some challenges This town is where I grew up and where the abuse happened There are ldquoghosts
(Continued on page 15)
ldquoIn those early years I
learned mostly from
women in the feminist
movement who had
been aware of the
impact of sexual abuse
for decades and were far
ahead of men in helping
each other healrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 14
My Weekend of Recovery
By Robert L
M y Weekend of Recovery was a phenomenal ex-perience Phenomenal
The more time that passes the more I realize how much of a posi-tive impact the WOR has had on me Since the WOR things have opened up and my recovery is accelerating
Given the positive experi-ence it is hard to believe that I was somewhat hesitant to attend While I was very excited when I first signed up months in advance some personal issues arose by the time the WOR came around and I seriously considered backing out Thankfully I did not
By way of background I have known about my abuse all my life No flashbacks for me it was always front and center I tried to deal with it as best as I could alone I first spoke about the abuse at age 19 telling my first real love interest about it Disclosing my past only to love interests became a pattern for me until I could no longer handle the pain and started individual therapy at age 31 (six years ago)
The individual therapy has been very helpful I have learned a lot
about myself particularly by ex-ploring areas that I did not even think were part of the equation The therapy also helped a lot of the pain go away
My biggest single problem remains relationships or the lack thereof In actuality I have never had a ldquorealrdquo relationship Instead I keep repeat-ing the same patterns of falling for girls who cannot be emotionally available to me who are often
survivors themselves and are often already in a relationship with an-other man Clearly I needed to add something to my individual ther-apy
Over the past six years I have considered group therapy but
could not find a suitable group A few months before the WOR my therapist gave me a copy of Mike Lewrsquos book Victims No Longer As I read the book I realized that I was a ldquotextbook caserdquo and thought that surely there must be a ldquotextbook solutionrdquo (that I obviously could not find over six years of individual therapy) Naiumlve or not I decided to search for a group once again My online search led me to
the MaleSurvivor website Imagine my pleasant surprise when I discov-ered that a WOR was coming to my city I signed up immediately
I was literally the first survivor to arrive at Mysthaven and was so anxious to ldquoget the show on the roadrdquo While wait-ing for the others to arrive I spent my time looking around trying to make myself feel at home It did not take long for that to happen As I entered the main room I was faced with dozens of t-shirts made by past WOR attendees and it moved me to tears I was surely in a place where I belonged
Eventually the others arrived and we began the opening ceremony It was so well thought out Actually everything was well thought out right from the opening to the closing ceremonies I noticed a lot
In the First Person
ldquoI Know I Am Not Shamefulrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 15
of nice little touches and appreci-ated all of them
After the opening ceremony we did a ldquosafetyrdquo exercise in which everyone had a chance to express his needs for a safe environment (for instance I cannot have people touch my neck) We all committed to abide by the safety rules This turned out to be one of the best parts of the WOR because at no time whatsoever did I feel judged or unsafe in any way I cannot recall ever being in such an atmosphere before
We went through a lot of activities and exercises over the weekend Some of these included small groups breathing exercises (grounding) telling our story ldquosculptingrdquo shame busting commu-nity building art and mindfulness walks
I liked the small groups the best I felt there was an excellent fit among the facilitators my fellow survivors and me I had ample opportunity to say what I wanted to say and welcomed all the feed-back After years of individual ther-apy it was great to finally connect with other male survivors in a group setting I learned from my fellow survivors and it also put my recovery into perspective
The shame busting exercise was also incredible It is one thing to talk about creating intimacy it is another to learn how to do it ac-
from the pastrdquo on every street cor-ner mdash and I am finding them a greater challenge than I antici-pated It has been much easier (surprisingly) and a hugely empow-ering victory for me to transform the house we now inhabit mdash where some of the abuse occurred in my childhood mdash into the safest and most comfortable home I have ever known Deep River is relatively iso-lated from the colleagues I have come to know and trust over many years and I take every opportunity to join them whenever and wher-ever I can for trainings and work-shops I am also learning to rely more on the telephone and the Internet to maintain my personal and professional circles of support My journey of growth and healing continues It is not without hurdles and challenges but at this stage it is filled with blessings not the least of which are my two children (now adults) and the relationships I now enjoy with them Life now is better than I could ever have imagined and I welcome the challenges
Which brings me to the present blessing and challenge namely joining the leadership team of the MaleSurvivor Weekends of Recov-ery I have many strong family and professional connections in the United States and I welcome this opportunity to work with a geo-graphically and culturally broader range of men and women who share my values principles and passion for recovery I look forward to meeting and working with some of you
My Journey (Continued from page 13)
tively After the movement exercise one of the facilitators told me that I ldquolooked beautiful out thererdquo I did not believe or understand that comment at the time but I think I do now and it still makes me cry to think of it The comment made me feel that someone saw the ldquorealrdquo me regardless of what I look
like on the outside It also made me realize that I had forgotten how to ldquoplayrdquo I really did feel like a playful child during the exer-cise and I cannot think of the last time that I experienced such a feeling
Since the WOR I have stepped up my recov-ery process I attend weekly groups and keep in regular con-
tact with a few fellow WOR partici-pants I have also bought many self-help books started journaling and increased my time on the MaleSur-vivor forums
I see a dramatic difference in my-self since the WOR I feel more positive and more at peace I can also talk more freely about the abuse and no longer feel shame The bottom line is that I have moved from being a victim to being a SURVIVOR
Words cannot express my gratitude to the WOR team and my fellow survivors I really appreciate the individual chats and felt that every-one was genuinely interested in my recovery Thank you I love you all
ldquoThe shame busting
exercise was also
incredible It is one
thing to talk about
creating intimacy it is
another to learn how to
do it activelyrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 16
high schools were resistant to al-lowing staff members to enter their school and provide educational programs Having a male on staff proved to be beneficial and the program grew rapidly Fortunately mdash and unfortunately mdash the media be-gan writing articles about me and the educational programs Once the Ministry folks became aware a man was on the payroll of the cen-tre my position was terminated I was told that funding was specifi-cally designed for women to pro-
vide services for women To the credit of the crisis centre they had me volun-teer for six months until they could se-cure funding from the local United Way They seemed less concerned about a man wanting to pro-vide services to peo-ple in need
History was being made We became the first sexual assault crisis centre in Canada to open a separate satellite office for a
menrsquos program This was not something celebrated by all crisis centres I was asked to advocate for men but to keep quiet at the same time The program became very successful and more and more male survivors were asking for ser-vices Unfortunately in 2002 the local United Way decided to reduce their support after having a trou-
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
The Circle of Compassion
By Tom Wilken
T hanks to Dale English of the MaleSurvivor newsletter for asking me to write an article
about my experiences working with male sexual abuse survivors in Can-ada As an advocate it seems like the journey of working with survi-vors has many societal obstacles but we are moving forward slowly but surely I often wonder why it is so challenging for Canadians to include male survivors into the circle of compas-sion
In 1991 I accepted a role with the local sexual assault crisis centre and attended one of their training programs On the first day the female facili-tator looked at me and said ldquoyou must be a brave manrdquo I had no idea what she was talking about at the time but I sure do now For the next eleven years I was employed in an adversarial political roller coaster ride that made advocating for men a daunting task Nevertheless I am very thankful for that opportunity I started as a part-time support worker counseling men My posi-tion evolved and included the role of an Education Co-Coordinator The crisis centre found the local
bling fund raising year Since the gender of the clientele was male the crisis centre was unable to top up funding and the male program was removed from the services of-fered by this crisis centre This may sound discriminatory and perhaps even a human rights issue because it is In Canada we pride ourselves in celebrating diversity but unfor-tunately that does not always in-clude the needs of male survivors
Something exciting happened in 2002 Health Canada asked me to update their ldquoAdult Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse - Overview Pa-perrdquo which was distributed throughout the country by the Na-tional Clearinghouse on Family Vio-lence Until that point in time the Overview Paper was predominately written about the concerns of fe-male survivors without any equality for the concerns of male survivors There was some resistance voiced by a crisis centre about a man writ-ing about both genders but Health Canada took a chance and re-quested I complete the Overview Paper that spoke to the similarities and differences regarding the re-covery process of both genders This paper was considered success-ful and a second printing was needed to meet the requests by Canadians This was so rewarding for me and it helped me to realize that there is hope for male survi-vors
Facilitating groups for male survi-vors was an exciting part of my role at the crisis centre Being with men who are being ldquorealrdquo and sup-
ldquoThe Canadian
government has known
for years that 37 of
sexual abuse survivors
under the age of 21 are
male however they do
not open their hearts for
male survivors and
welcome them into the
circle of compassionrdquo
February 2009
Page 17
ple as well The main difference was they responded to their woundedness in a different fashion It is estimated that on any given day there are over 100000 people on probation in the province of Ontario It is also estimated that up to 80 of these folks may have been sexually abused This equates
to 80000 sexual abuse survivors who are on probation most of whom are male We also know that 59 of people in prison are sexual abuse survivors Sadly probation officers are not trained in sexual abuse recovery issues It is interest-ing to note that I work with more male survivors as a Probation Offi-cer than when I worked at the crisis centre When people are not given healthy outlets for expressing their anger it can manifest in less desir-able ways
I started the ldquoWe Want to Knowrdquo project in 2003 which was partially sponsored by the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness and the now
porting one another throughout the healing process is truly a magi-cal experience The men receiving services were both grateful and angry They were grateful to be receiving services but angry these services were not available when they were younger They wondered why so many other male survivors
are not given the same opportunity to heal Seven men from group consented to having their healing journey documented during thirty weeks of group counseling Thus the book Rebuilding Your House of Self Respect Men Recovering from Childhood Sexual Abuse first edi-tion was in the works
In 2002 I accepted a position as a Probation Officer with the Ministry of Community Safety and Correc-tional Services After working with victims for over a decade I won-dered if the adjustment to working with offenders was possible It did-nrsquot take long to realize that people who offended were wounded peo-
closed Windsor Family Forum We were able to fulfill the dream of the seven courageous men from group by distributing copies of the RYHSR book to agencies throughout Can-ada
Millions of dollars are spent in Can-ada for sexual assault crisis centres and other programs for female sur-
vivors These valuable programs for women are underfunded but un-fortunately there are rarely any services specifically for men The Canadian government has known for years that 37 of sexual abuse survivors under the age of 21 are male however they do not open their hearts for male survivors and welcome them into the circle of compassion
In 2007 the Diocese of London Ontario provided funding for my business Hope amp Healing Associ-ates and the Silence to Hope (STH) project was born The Diocese in-creased their funding from $30000
(Continued on page 18)
A Circle of Compassion (uncredited photo)
Vol 2 No 2
Page 18
material to the Ministry of Commu-nity Safety and Correctional Ser-vices the Ministry of Children and Youth Services Victim Services the Ontario Provincial Police and other various other agencies Over 1500 free copies of the second edition of my book Rebuilding Your House of Self Respect Men Recovering in Group from Childhood Sexual Abuse are being distributed to sur-vivors and agencies working with male survivors Lynne MacDonell has received funding from the Arch-diocese of Toronto and is assisting male survivors in central Ontario Her Help amp Hope Project is similar
to the STH project
The STH project was fortunate to partner with Howard Fradkin of MaleSurvivor and his Weekend of Re-covery facilitation team who came to Canada in November 2008 This was quite a treat for Canadian male survivors The expertise of the Frad-kin team provided a
high-caliber experience not nor-mally available to Canadians The feedback from participants indi-cated these men felt truly blessed to be part of this experience In 2009 I hope to write a workbook for male survivors that will accom-pany the second edition of the RYHSR book Ellen Campbell and the CCAA plan to partner with the STH project and provide free cop-ies of this workbook as part of a joint education and awareness pro-gram I am presently updating a Directory of Services for Health
in 2007 to $60000 in 2008 to $75000 in 2009 Thanks to the generosity of the Diocese we are able to provide support groups information and referral services education and awareness pro-grams The Diocese not only wanted us to help males who were victimized by priests but any male survivors
In the early stages we recognized that our communities were not pro-viding a safe and supportive envi-ronment for men to step out of isolation Various agencies were con-tacting me and shared their frustra-tions about not hav-ing places to refer men who were sexu-ally abused as chil-dren It became pain-fully evident how un-educated Canadian service providers are on the needs of men and sexual abuse One of the main focuses of the STH project is our education and aware-ness program and group facilita-tion
As sad as the present situation is for male survivors we are making progress The STH project has part-nered with agencies throughout our area and two agencies from our bigger cities are providing group facilitation on a year round basis We are partnering with the Cana-dian Centre for Abuse Awareness (CCAA) and providing educational
Circle of Compassion (Continued from page 17)
Canada and the National Clearing-house on Family Violence called Combining Voices This directory lists all agencies throughout the Country that provide services to male and female survivors
ldquoCollective denialrdquo is strong throughout Canada but there is HOPE There seems to be an im-portant shift in thinking taking place Several years ago the topic of working with male survivors was not to be spoken about however people are now more receptive to exploring the needs of a much ne-glected portion of the population More men are requesting services and more group counseling oppor-tunities are presenting themselves It appears that more and more Ca-nadian agencies are starting to rec-ognize the importance of including male survivors into the circle of compassion Every time we have articles in the media more men seem to come out of isolation My biggest concerns include the lack of funding by the government If this topic is not talked about and if a safe and supportive environment for men is not created men will go back into silence and isolation This work seems to be driven from the ldquobottom uprdquo and not the ldquotop downrdquo We need good men and women to talk more openly about the needs of male survivors ldquoCollective denialrdquo thrives when good people keep silent Survivors are not living in total isolation they are fathers brothers husbands workers community members and they are valuable human beings
We are proud to join MaleSurvivor in making this world a better place
ldquorsquoCollective denialrsquo is
strong throughout
Canada but there is
HOPE There seems to
be an important shift in
thinking taking placerdquo
February 2009
Page 19
This Boyrsquos Life
By Jordan M
M y life began as any other a happy boy in a happy nuclear family It
was a time when my biggest worry was my brother threatening to tattle on me for sneaking a cookie up to bed I was young and the life I was living was exactly how it should have been carefree and devoid of the messy thoughts and situations which I would soon come to know all too well I was a boy and without trying to sound too clicheacuted I was innocent Pure
My parentsrsquo nasty divorce popped that bubble I loved my family more than anything and the di-vorce ripped us apart Mom and Dad were too busy fighting each other to notice anything that was happening with me or my siblings We were pushed aside used as bargaining tools I felt like a pawn Mom convincing us that Dad was a bad guy Dad convincing us that Mom was to blame Being the third child of five I was lost I withdrew and I stayed as far away from any sort of family situation as I could I didnrsquot know whom to trust
Time passed and things leveled and Mom married again but her taste in men had changed since Dad Her new husband seemed to hate children and he made sure that was known He was a violent man and my family and I paid the price I felt more lost than ever I was all alone in a hell that I was not prepared for Looking for some
kind of calm in this storm I started spending more time with Dad on his farm
Dad had met and moved in with another woman as well and unlike my new step-dad I liked her I thought that this could be my escape I could stay with Dad and be safe Go back to being a kid again Live that normal life I used to have
Not only did Dadrsquos new girlfriend move in so did her brother mdash my new step-uncle of sorts He was great The coolest guy Irsquod ever met We got along he played with me we watched mov-ies we went out we did everything He paid attention to me and I sud-denly felt less alone He was that person whom I could trust He was the man who would help me through all this crap at home He was the one that cared I didnrsquot just have a new step-uncle I had a new friend a new guardian someone who was there for me I latched on I bought his trick mdash hook line and sinker
The sexual abuse began and after the initial shock frankly I got used to it Although I hated it he as-sured me it was ok This is what should be happening between a 12 year old boy and 32 year old man who have a special relationship like
the one we did I believed him All I had to do was comply with his sexual desires and he would remain there for me I was willing to pay that price to keep this man in my life Somewhere in the back of my little mind I knew it was wrong but
I wouldnrsquot tell a soul It was our little secret our special relation-ship Nobody could know but us
It went on for years and for years I grew more and more dis-tant from people from myself and from the world I attempted a few times to get away but there was no where to go Either I live in an abusive hell with Mom or I cater to my step-unclersquos desires at my
Dadrsquos Which is the lesser evil
I went back and forth from house to house each time growing a little more resilient a little harder Time went on and I wasnrsquot that little boy anymore Age was on my side now and I wanted it to stop
Mom did get rid of the mistake she married after a while but soon found a new one and I promised myself that I would not stand for another day in this hell The first time this new guy laid a hand on me I gave Mom an ultimatum him or me She chose him I was gone
(Continued on page 20)
In the First Person
ldquoAlthough I hated [the
abuse] he assured me it
was ok This is what
should be happening
between a 12 year old
boy and 32 year old
man who have a special
relationship like the one
we did I believed himrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 20
been chasing me the whole time and it was catching up
The lure of the big city called me and I began spending nights and weekends in Toronto Attempting to end the emptiness I began searching for ways to fill it I got hooked on drugs became an ad-dict I became hard Mean Nothing could touch me Fear couldnrsquot stand in my way The worst had already happened I thought what I was feeling was freedom but free was the farthest thing from the truth I was trapped trapped in anger and guilt and shame
The deep desire to be taken care of continued to force its way to the surface and take on new extremes My cutting habit that I had devel-
I left home at 16 I figured that anything was better than staying where I was This was going to be a new start for me It was going to be different this time I promised myself that I would make it
I was wrong Again
Life on your own at 16 is not an easy one mdash new city no friends barely any money Schools wouldnrsquot accept me apartments wouldnrsquot let a kid occupy a unit I was alone I was really alone this time It took
time but I eventually managed a bit of a life for myself and was able to get through high school but it didnrsquot come easy My past had
This Boyrsquos Life (Continued from page 19)
oped as a young teen had ex-ploded and I began to brutally beat myself in hopes that somebody would notice maybe take me to hospital Take care of me It didnrsquot work It never worked There was only one thing that worked sex
Hustling made me feel powerful Men would pay to be with me Itrsquos all I felt I was good at seducing men And it was a power that I so badly thought I needed As bad as I was treated the glimpse of con-trol that I felt was enough to keep me going back But all I was doing was allowing myself to be abused
over and over again It just lead me further and further down
The years passed and I lost all feeling I forgot how to feel I knew
A Sliver of Light copy 2009 Timothy Andrew
February 2009
Page 21
only three emotions happiness sadness and anger And it was the anger that consumed me Anything could set me off I was a ticking time-bomb I began to wonder if any sort of normal life would ever happen for me
I was ready to give up to accept that this was what God had planned for me but somewhere inside that messed up 20 year old head of mine there was a sliver of light the same light that was there when I was a child the light that only had to worry about sneaking a cookie up to bed And I knew that that tiny glimpse of light was the real me If I could find a way to broaden its beam I would be able to peel back all the layers of abuse and discover who I really am
I searched I called crisis lines I went to free therapy sessions I attempted to try to understand why I was like I was but I kept hitting dead ends Nobody seemed to know how to help me me a male survivor
Nothing would last The little help I did receive all faded All I really got were programs and information and books and flyers Then I found Lynne MacDonells number I called her late one night She agreed to meet with me and quickly got me
into her mens group ldquoA Time for Menrdquo
The group literally saved my life For the first time I knew I wasnt alone There were other men who had been through what I had been through and they genuinely cared for me It has been over three years
now and it is still difficult Although I have put an end to the coping mecha-nisms mdash the drugs and the cutting mdash itrsquos the feelings that still manage to give me a struggle As survivors we have to sort out our insides Our guts Our feelings All that stuff was ripped out mixed up and thrown back in when we were abused We have to retrain our brains learn how to think how to feel how to trust how to love At times I feel like Irsquom an emotional infant as if my body kept
growing after my uncle abused me but my mind didnrsquot That was the main issue when I finally decided that I needed to be on the path of recovery So I focused and I began
I look forward to those two hours every Monday night because I know I can say and share anything I want and I will not be judged I am safe there I am safe to peel back those layers of abuse and discover the real me who I was really meant to be not this husk of
a human being that I had been living as for so many years
Since joining the group I have finished university got my degree I am free of drugs and self-harming I have a good job and a much healthier lifestyle and I have come out with my secret about sexual abuse
I am not ashamed of who I am anymore It is a long and tough uphill battle and it is still far from over but I know that I have plenty of people helping me fight this battle Our group is more that just a support group We are a family a brotherhood of survivors deter-mined to help each other and spread the word
It was hope That light the real memdashit was hope As survivors some-times all we have to go on is hope and that is why we need to remem-ber that there is ALWAYS hope There never needs to be a dead end That tiny sliver of light exists in all of us you just have to find it
ldquoAs survivors
sometimes all we have
to go on is hope and
that is why we need to
remember that there is
ALWAYS hope There
never needs to be a
dead end That tiny
sliver of light exists in
all of us you just have
to find itrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 22
My Story
by Bruce M
A s I start to write this article I find myself sitting in front of the house where I was
first sexually abused I donrsquot know why I am here but I am Perhaps it is my way of being in control which I certainly wasnrsquot for a very long time It was really not that long ago before I avoided this area of the city entirely mdash never mind sitting on the street in front of the home where I was sexually as-
saulted
I am now 42 years old and have a partner who supports me more than I could have ever asked for I am in love and
although I thought I loved others before now I really know what love is For many years I was so secretly dysfunctional that most people were under the impression that I had it all together but that was furthest from the truth I was a good actor
I grew up in a middle class suburb of Toronto I was the youngest of three kids I was diagnosed with ADD and was given Ritalin to ldquosettle me downrdquo I think that Ritalin was an easy out for my parents I needed more one on one interac-tion and understanding rather than a drug regimen which suited their
needs I clearly remember my pe-diatrician back then coaching my parents on what I needed mdash and many of his recommendations went ignored In their minds it seemed that all I needed was Ritalin
I had very few true friends Most people found my hyperactivity to be too much My mother was a practicing alcoholic (thankfully sober for about 28 years now) and my father was nothing short of physically abusive mdash mainly to my sister and me but also to my brother from what I understand My father had out-bursts of rage during which he would beat me with a dog leash and his fist Once he shoved my head down a toilet and told me that is where I belonged I donrsquot know if many people could appreciate how horrible it was to be told that As long as I live I will never for-get how I felt when he said that
When I was 12 years old I was enrolled in basketball That year I excelled and my team ended up winning the champion-ship This was a great confidence boost that I really needed I had finally found something that I was good at The second year was not so great My assistant basketball
coach was a sexual predator who saw a shy and troubled boy in me and decided that he would look after his own needs This guy was a medical doctor so he knew what he was doing and started what I now understand was a very intense grooming process He talked to me about my hyperactivity my motherrsquos alcoholism and my fatherrsquos abuse As I remember back he brought these things up often while he was getting to know me
After a period of time he invited me to his home one day on the pretence of my coming over to rake leaves Once there he invited me to his basement where he
Moving On
Bruce M
Bruce M during the time of his abuse
February 2009
Page 23
matum He said that if I would not come to his house we could no longer be friends I donrsquot know how I did it but I decided that I did not want to go to his house and that was the end of that I now know that he went on to find an-other victim
For nearly the next two decades I struggled with life To add insult to injury I knew that I was a gay male and after the abuse I figured that this was what a gay relation-ship was like and I didnrsquot want it I lacked direction with almost everything I did For a while I was practically homeless because I was staying with one friend after another putting myself in situations where I could be abused again and again I was con-stantly haunted with
guilt because I was sure that the man who abused me was abusing other boys
Finally one day I came forward and told the police about my abuse They charged this man and I quickly learned that this perpetra-tor was one of the nastiest that I have come across to this day He had deep pockets and fought ruthlessly I was followed by private investigators my friends were approached by private investigators
made it clear that his gentle kind supportive ways would have a cost to me I remember hating the experience This disgusting smelling man was more than repulsive Would you believe that I went back Well I did Most other vic-tims of sexual abuse will under-
stand why better than those who have not been there I wanted to be cared for and listened to so badly that for a while I just put up with the abuse This guy came to my school at lunch and let me drive his car around the back streets I was too young and imma-ture to realize that this was not a kind gesture but more grooming that would give him access to what he wanted Eventually he got an-noyed that I would avoid going to his house so he gave me an ulti-
for interviews and he hired some of Canadarsquos best attorneys to get him out of his charges When I went to court to testify at a prelimi-nary trial he had people there to threaten me in the halls of the court and the bathrooms The criminal case went on and on and eventually to the Supreme Court of Canada for a ruling about my con-sent All in all it has been a very intense process which went on so long that the case was thrown out because of delay He is still not out of hot water because the College of Physicians and Surgeons went after him and I had to testify at that hearing too which is still going on to this day
Last fall I completed my third Weekend of Recovery and al-though I have been in private ther-apy for close to four years and have been a part of a menrsquos group in Toronto nothing compares to the results that I achieved from attending the Weekends of Recov-ery The weekend program and the connections that I made with other guys and therapists have been instrumental in giving me a push forward allowing me to have some happiness and a meaningful rela-tionship which I was never able to have before
Life is not perfect but I can tell you that it is so much better than it was a few years ago and it is getting better all the time
Bruce M during the time of his abuse
Vol 2 No 2
Page 24
nor injury well that was his cue He took me into a medical room and closed the door He examined my knee and soon the subject changed That was the first time that I was sexually assaulted
Over the years this repulsive man be-came my coach in both hockey and baseball He was a central figure at the arena and the base-ball diamond He was the one involved in all the fundraisers and came to be known as ldquothe guy who would do any-thing for the kidsrdquo Most of the parents loved him mdash but not mine He drank with parents partied with them all while he ldquotook carerdquo of us kids
The first time I was abused at the arena I told someone older than I I did so again when I was 15 What was I to do Neither time did the adults take appropriate action and you guessed it everything was swept under the carpet So I did the only thing I knew how to do mdash I stuffed it
Growing up was a difficult time for me because of the abuse and the fact that I suffered with ADHD and anxiety (undiagnosed at the time) My sisters did well in school how-ever I didnrsquot I would work my tail off get a ldquoCrdquo and then would be told to work harder or asked if I
A Victim No More
by Glenn Allan
M y name is Glenn Allan and I grew up in Stoney Creek Ontario Canada
By all rights I should have been dead years ago I am a recovering alcoholic and cocaine addict and I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse I donrsquot want my story to become an ldquoabuse or addiction-aloguerdquo so I wonrsquot get into graphic details or talk about every abusive situation
Please keep an open mind as this is my story
I was wel-comed into a loving yet dysfunctional family in February of 1964 I have four sisters
nine nieces and nephews two great-nieces and one great-nephew My story begins around the age of seven I loved skating and playing hockey I was always told ldquoYoursquove gotta practice to get betterrdquo and so I did I would play as much ice and road hockey as I could and my sis-ters would take me public skating It was at public skating that my abuser first spotted me and as-saulted me I fell during one of those skating sessions and hurt my knee My abuser was a skating monitor that day and when I needed medical attention for a mi-
were dumb My frustrations grew mdash if only they knew that there was a hurting little boy inside But I was a boy who was too afraid to say that he hurt or to cry mdash because ldquobig boys donrsquot cryrdquo I would get teased at home about being stupid or
asked ldquoWhy donrsquot you try harderrdquo
I couldnrsquot defend my-self verbally with my parents because that would have been ldquotalking backrdquo There were times when I would be so angry at them for picking on me for little things and I would think to myself ldquoYou are yell-ing at me for this while he (the abuser) is doing that to merdquo
Talk about frustration and built up rage I was a walking volcano I would fight all the time whether it was at school playing hockey or baseball it really didnrsquot matter why mdash all I knew was I was MAD
Over the years I slowly lost my self-esteem and self-worth I wanted to be anybody but me I idolized ath-letes like Bobby Orr Bobby Clarke and Pete Rose because of their dedication and work ethic Being a class clown I loved comedians (Steve Martin Richard Pryor Robin Williams Johnny Carson) and the entertainer in me loved singers (Elvis) and wanted so badly to be them Then maybe people would like me because there was abso-lutely no way anyone could really
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Glenn Allan
ldquoMy frustrations grewmdash
if only they knew that
there was a hurting little
boy inside But I was a
boy who was too afraid
to say that he hurt or to
crymdashbecause lsquobig boys
donrsquot cryrsquordquo
February 2009
Page 25
like or love me with the things my abuser had made me do
Because of the trauma of being abused I wet the bed until I was about 12 years of age which drained any remaining self-worth or self-esteem that I had left I was so embarrassed And then I had to tolerate ridiculous comments from people saying things like ldquoYou know that you are going to have to stop thisrdquo and ldquoYou are getting too old for thisrdquo No kidding really Did they think that I liked waking up in my own urine Did they not think that I wanted to stop Did they have any idea how their words hurt me Man oh man it was like that all the time They just didnrsquot think before they spoke
Frustrated and over-whelmed in my teens I finally found the ldquofriendrdquo that I had been looking for mdash first name ldquoALrdquo last name ldquoCOHOLrdquo I would be-come a whole new person when I drank booze and how I drank I found a brand new confidence I was somewhat funny when I drank dur-ing the early years of drinking however over time I became de-pressed and extremely angry I would fight in bars on a regular basis Then in December of 1987 I was stabbed outside a bar and nearly died Now you would think that being stabbed and nearly dy-ing would prompt a lifestyle
change or at the very least cause me to take a personal inventory of my situation and myself But not me I wore it as a badge of honour allowing the insanity to continue
It is said that if the drugs and alco-hol donrsquot kill you the lifestyle will During this time and over the years I was introduced to many criminals Their crimes ranged from murder assaults extortion and drug dealing to running massage parlours and prostitution mdash to just name a few One of my acquaint-ances was even a hired killer He
actually assassinated two reputed crime bosses in Ontario and is now serving a lengthy sentence for those and other killings
But I was drawn to their so-called power and complete disregard for the law Looking back on it I guess I was looking to reclaim the power
that was stolen from me by my abuser
In my early twenties I got a job working with Young Offenders as a Correctional Officer With the money I was making I bought a very nice sports car dated pretty women was extremely materialistic and yet I was never satisfied I worked in corrections for about four years During that time I also began my career in the world of entertainment as a voice impres-sionist and stand-up comedian as well as a co-host of a comedy tele-
vision show I had a tremendous ego and unknowingly had be-come rdquoThe Great I Amrdquo
After a couple of years I moved from comedy to producing and host-ing my own sports television program which aired for ten years I had so much fun and I was able to meet and interview some of sportsrsquo big-gest names
In my mid-20s when the alcohol wasnrsquot medicating my pain any longer I turned to
something stronger mdash COCAINE During a span of approximately ten years the combination of alcohol cocaine and all my poor choices cost me most of my jobs many of my relationships and all my money It drove me to criminal activity po-lice charges a conviction and a criminal record But most of all I
(Continued on page 26)
Alone Uncredited Photo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 26
was lost Glenn was slowly dying inside me I became depressed and despondent and I hated so many people But most of all I hated my-self
I had attempted suicide on a few occasions and I really and truly had a death wish I hated myself so much that on Friday January 16 1998 loaded with a supply of co-caine and booze I booked myself into a hotel room with no intention of coming out alive Friday night and Saturday passed with me drinking and getting high on co-caine After having more cocaine delivered to me on Sunday after-noon there was no turning back mdash or so I thought Approximately at midnight on Sunday I made my final decision mdash it was time for me to leave this stinking world I ingested enough cocaine to kill me and then I barricaded my hotel door and ripped the phone out of the wall I lay down on the bed defeated broken sad guilt-ridden ashamed depressed and scared yet so ready to die
Only Divine Intervention mdash some sort of miracle mdash can explain what hap-pened next The police came into my hotel room at just the right time on Sunday night and took me to the hospital Who called them how did they know to come to my room I donrsquot know Well thatrsquos not completely true Today I am a man of faith and as a Christian I know exactly who orchestrated my rescue
A Victim No More (Continued from page 25)
After a brief stay in the hospital I chose to enter the Hamilton Menrsquos Withdrawal Management Centre where I spent eleven days From there I entered an intensive addic-tion treatment centre for a six-week stay followed by a five and one half month stay at a recovery house
I have been clean and sober since Janu-ary 19 1998
I work the program of recovery intensely I was blessed with some incredible therapists who were able to break through my trust issues my rough exterior and my wall of comedy to allow me to heal I also became involved in the 12-Steps and other support groups through which I have found tremendous friendships and men-toring
Recovery is about making changes Al-though my abuser assaulted me until I was 15 years old I blamed him for all of my problems until I was 33 years old I had to change from being a pro-fessional blamer and liar to a man of responsibility character and in-tegrity It wasnrsquot easy however after many tears and lots of hard work life has gotten much better
Over time and through applying these principles I found peace se-renity and forgiveness and I also
learned how to love myself again Everything that was set in motion to harm me as a young man is now what drives me With Godrsquos help today I am able to live humbly honestly open-minded and willing to do whatever it takes to stay clean and sober while doing what I can to help others who face similar
struggles
Today I serve the Ca-nadian Centre for Abuse Awareness as the Director of the Southwestern Ontario office My mission at hand is to create a task force that will be responsible for build-ing a residential pro-gram for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
I am also the Execu-tive Producer and Host of three popular television programs Good News Sports The Edge and Living Clean Living Clean is the only live weekly interactive television program in Canada
that is designed to assist individu-als who suffer with addiction abuse andor mental illnesses
I also host The Glenn Allan Show on a local radio station in Hamil-ton ON Canada
As a motivational speaker my pres-entation entitled Youth Yak Live has enabled me to speak to thou-sands of youth nationwide since 2000 Through Youth Yak Live I
ldquoRecovery is about
making changes
Although my abuser
assaulted me until I was
15 years old I blamed
him for all of my
problems until I was 33
years old I had to
change from being a
professional blamer and
liar to a man of
responsibility character
and integrity
February 2009
Page 27
Male Survivor Groups (MSG)
By Robert Beacuterubeacute Co-founder MSG
M ale Survivor Groups (MSG) was created by a group of male survivors
of childhood sexual abuse follow-ing the death of a fellow survi-vor in Lon-don Ontario Canada The initial objec-tives were to foster cama-raderie and support for one another and also to obtain proper help
for survivors in the London area
Presently our aim is to help all male survivors and also to make our cause known It is open to all male survivors of childhood ado-lescent and adult abuse We have expanded and have supported the creation of groups across Canada and we are prepared to support the creation of groups throughout the World
Groups have been established in London Vancouver Sudbury and North Bay in Canada
Our beliefs
1 Our groups are for male survi-vors of abuse What is said in the group remains there What is stated must remain confiden-
have developed tremendous work-ing relationships with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police Ontario Provincial Police Crime Stoppers local police agencies young of-fender facilities churches self-help groups and alcohol and drug treatment centres
I also facilitate a weekly peer sup-port group for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
There was a time when I thought I would never get married and that no one could love me for who I am Colleen and I met in 1999 We both have similar pasts We both have worked through our abuse issues and are both clean and so-ber In 2001 my best friend and I married and we now have three beautiful children Ashley Brandon and Christopher Spending the rest of my life with Colleen and our family is a dream come true
The opportunity of sharing Godrsquos gifts and blessings with others is truly an honour and a privilege It is imperative that I never take these things for granted
If I can assist you or someone dear to you please donrsquot hesitate to contact me at the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness Ph 905-594-1581 or email glennccfaacom or visit these websites
wwwabusehurtscom wwwlivingcleanca wwwglennallanca
or write to me co CCAA 38 King St East PO Box 66614 Stoney Creek ON L8G 5E5
(Continued from page 26)
tial Anonymity is of the utmost importance unless the survivor has gone public But intimate details of the public person must also remain confidential Confidentiality must be assured
2 We are in the group to heal and to support each other
3 We are male survivors who want to heal and help others in the process We can be as young as 16 or as old as old can be
4 Our primary purpose is our own safe being Secondary purposes are the betterment of services for male survivors and the advancement of our cause
5 We fight on so that we may grow in solidarity
6 We are not a religious group We do use different models of functioning in our different sub-groups Ours is a healing group for more than one prob-lematic issue
7 We encourage partnerships with organisations businesses and agencies that foster the creation of services for male survivors of abuse
We have created a Facebook Group which is also open to FRIENDS who support our cause Our group is establishing partnerships with other male survivor groups in Canada and worldwide You can contact us through the Facebook page or by emailing me at berube55yahooca
Support Groups
Robert Beacuterubeacute
Vol 2 No 2
Page 28
The CCAA By Ellen Campbell [ellenccfaacom]
Founder and Executive Director Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness
A s some of you know the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness (CCAA) is a
national non-government charitable organization dedicated to eliminat-ing child abuse through advocacy education public awareness and prevention programs With help from community and corporate partners the CCAA provides accessible support healing and indi-vidual empowerment for adult survivors their fami-lies and caregivers through over 20 programs Those that listen to classic rock station Q107 in the To-ronto region will recognize us as their charity of choice through Derringerrsquos Thir-teen Days of Christmas campaign
Based in Newmarket On-tario the CCAA is an active and vibrant organization that in addition to its variety of program offer-ings is also involved in public safety advocacy That advo-cacy started with the early release from prison of one of the perpetra-tors in the Maple Leaf Gardensrsquo child sex abuse scandal Many surviving victims were traumatized again this time by the system The
CCAA went public with its concerns that day and the public safety advocacy program was born
Later the CCAA wrote a sweeping report titled Martinrsquos Hope named in memory of Martin Kruze (the first victim to courageously go public with the story of his abuse at the Gardens and who later tragi-cally took his own life) that made 60 recommendations for legislative and policy change to the criminal justice system These recommenda-tions were gleaned from round-
table discussions with over 150 front-line criminal justice system professionals crime victims and survivors To this day members of the Kruze family sit on the CCAA Board of Directors
After the initial public release of the Martinrsquos Hope report in the fall of 2003 I knew that if repairs were to be made to the criminal justice system advocacy would have to be accelerated That advocacy began in earnest in early 2006 with the hiring of John Muise a volunteer with the CCAA and previously a Toronto police officer with signifi-cant experience in legislative and policy advocacy The hire coincided with new political winds blowing in Ottawa The CCAArsquos full-time public
safety program was born
Relationships already in existence were strength-ened new ones were made and the CCAA intensified its advocacy with politi-cians stakeholders and other decision makers In addition the CCAA courted media attention recogniz-ing the opportunity to get our message out
That advocacy included the preparation of written briefs in support of testi-mony before a number of decision making bodies including several appear-ances before the House of Commons Justice Commit-tee
ADVOCACY REWARDED The last three years have brought success on a number of fronts Progress on the criminal justice reform front is rarely if ever the result of one person or just one organization advocating for
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoMartinrsquos Hoperdquo in Memory of Martin Arnold Kruze From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 29
government Although there are specific circumstances under which the age of consent is 16 (or 18) the general age of consent remained at 14 For many in the child protection
world this has been a shame of what is otherwise a devel-oped and civilized land The fight is finally over with the passage and Royal Assent of this legisla-tion in July of 2008 This is a victory for the many people that fought the good fight and most importantly this law allows prose-cution of those adult predators who choose to sexually exploit 14
and 15 year old children
Review of federal corrections policy
In 2007 the federal government ordered an independent review of the federal corrections and parole system The CCAA attended the announcement of that review and subsequently appeared before the review team and provided detailed written recommendations for change The final report included a number of recommendations that the CCAA provided including those contained in Martinrsquos Hope A rollout of some report recommen-dations has already started includ-ing a pilot project for the use of electronic monitoring on serious and violent offenders who are on parole in communities
(Continued on page 30)
Dangerous offenders Having someone declared a dan-gerous offender is very difficult to do In fact there are fewer then 400 declared dangerous offenders in the country This amendment makes it easier to bring a dangerous offender application for a serious repeat con-victed offender before the court The end result should be we hope the detection and declaration of more dangerous offenders Dangerous offender designation is for life and results in indefinite lock-up of the offender with periodic judicial reviews
Community protection orders
Also known as ldquoSection 810rdquo orders they allow the state to monitor the activities of certain subjects mdash no longer under some form of sen-tence or other judicial release but still considered a danger mdash to be placed on a judicial order similar to a bail with control and monitoring conditions The legislation explicitly expands the controls that can be usedmdashfor example electronic moni-toringmdashand extends the length of the order from one year to two
Age of protection For longer than people care to remember advocates have fought to raise the general age of consent from 14 to 16 years of age Until recently those voices have been largely ignored by the federal
change but no one can deny the important roll played by the CCAA in advancing these reforms These are all original recommendations contained in the Martinrsquos Hope report The results as they say speak for themselves and include but are not limited to the follow-ing
Mandatory minimum sentences for Internet chi ld abuse offences
Over time courts have increasingly relied on so called ldquohouse arrestrdquo provisions (see section immediately below) when sentencing offenders found guilty of Internet child abuse and similar kinds of serious child exploitation offences The sen-tences were often way out of pro-portion to the gravity of the crimes Minimum sentences were legislated for a variety of crimes with the net effect of eliminating the ability of the court to impose ldquohouse arrestrdquo
Conditional sentences of imprisonment
Better known as ldquohouse arrestrdquo this measure brought in over a decade ago was being imposed by the courts for ever more serious of-fenders and offences Many violent and dangerous offenders were allowed to serve their term of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo at home Justice and public safety were compro-mised by this provision Although the Bill that finally passed was watered down significantly by opposition party demands the end result was a tightening of the cir-cumstances under which a sen-tence of this kind could be given
ldquoAfter the initial public
release of the Martinrsquos
Hope report in the fall
of 2003 I knew that if
repairs were to be made
to the criminal justice
system advocacy would
have to be acceleratedrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 30
munity committees and inquiries including the Federal Inquiry pre-sided over by Justice Major into the Air India bombing
Moving forward We are delighted to report that John Muise our Director of Public Safety has recently received a Governor-in-council appointment as a full-time member of the Na-tional Parole Board effective in May of 2009 Although this is a big loss
for the CCAA we are thrilled for John and we know that he will bring the same com-mitment to public safety in that position as he did with the CCAA We wish him the very best in this new and challenging role
Much progress has been made in the past three years with
more anticipated The federal gov-ernment has signaled its intention to finish the work it started and attempt a further repeal of condi-tional sentences of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo They have also said that they in-tend on amending certain aspects of parole legislation and moving on tightening up security (including drug interdiction) in federal prisons
As we kick off 2009 the CCAA has the following priorities
Enhanced training for law enforcement off icers involved in chi ld abuse
investigations The introduction of provincial ldquosafe havenrdquo legislation that would pro-
vide a distressed mother who has given birth (within 72 hours) to take her baby to a place of safety (for example fire station police station hospital emergency) no questions asked and drop the baby off The purpose is to avoid the unthinkable mdash dumpster aban-donment murder at birth This legislation exists in all 50 of the United States but has yet to to be introduced in this country
Parole reform In addition the CCAA will work with partners on two parole and corrections recommendations They include legislating breach of parole as an offence for which a police officer has a power of arrest Com-plimentary to this the replacement of statutory release (automatic release after serving two thirds of a sentence) with regular earned parole Both recommendations were included in the final report of the Corrections Review Team and had been provided with others by the CCAA
We at the CCAA believe that much has been done on the criminal justice reform and public awareness front We are grateful for the pro-gress thus far and proud of the part we have played in moving the public safety agenda along
There is still much work to be done and the CCAA will step up to carry on this most important work
Selection of judges In recognition of the importance of the justice selection process the federal government has recently expanded the scope of people selected to sit on the regional Judicial Advisory Committees tasked with vetting potential ap-pointments and providing recom-mendations to the federal Attorney General and Minister of Justice for final selection Although still dominated by judges and lawyers a wider variety of voices and minds is now part of the selection proc-ess This is welcome news I am one of those voices I sit on one of the regional committees itrsquos an appointment we can all be proud of
Gun crime and other victim focused matters
Although outside the specific man-date of the CCAA (and not included in the Martinrsquos Hope report) in recognition of the impact on com-munities and particularly at risk children and youth the CCAA also appeared before the House of Commons Committee in support of mandatory minimum sentences for serious gun crimes and for amend-ments that tighten up the bail system for those charged with serious gun-related offences
In addition several crime victim supportive briefs were prepared for a number of safe school and com-
The CCAA (Continued from page 29)
ldquoWe at the CCAA hellip are
grateful for the progress
thus far and proud of
the part we have played
in moving the public
safety agenda alongrdquo
February 2009
Page 31
higher than its current statistical significance would suggest I would suggest itrsquos about one in four of the men I deal with 25 compared to the 16 suggested in the cur-rent literature If you allow for the fact that many of the men I work with have come from dysfunctional families that have been dysfunc-tional for generations the higher rate of incidence will hardly be surprising
I really had no idea when I started this job that I would have a head-
on collision with CSA No idea at all I was in my pre-survivor life My own past experi-ences were like a dormant volcano Sure some smoke would puff out every now and then for no readily apparent rea-son but no major eruption But as I heard more and more stories told by men in their own abyss of despair and self loath-ing things started to bubble within me
I remember the first man who disclosed to me He did not really intend to He started to tell part of a story and I just knew I just knew What he did say was part of an institutional abuse situa-tion that gained public awareness in the media After that story broke many men came forward as well to tell their story of how they too were abused as boys in a school
Inside
By Geeders (Jim)
W hen I was first asked to write about my experi-ences working in a jail I
wasnrsquot really sure what I could say about it Can I say this or should I say that Was it going to be really negative or show promise of better days ahead And what about me mdashthe new me mdash dealing with issues of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) at the same time as the men I see and work with How the hell was (or is) that going to work Well it is a work in progress after all and one that seems to evolve as I change and as I become more comfortable with my own sense of a new self
Let me begin by saying that there is nothing in this article that would meet the rigours of clinical dissection Equally important I do not work with sexual offenders What I am going to say is purely my experience based on personal observation No scientific analysis can be attributed to it apart from what we already know or suspect One in six men will have been sexually assaulted or abused by the time they are 18 It has long been opined that the number of abused men is actually
setting that was really a cover for juveniles in trouble with the law
The inmate I was working with did not come forward at that time He couldnrsquot His disclosure to me was the first time he had ever said anything about his abuse No one else knew mdash no one He was alone His pain was palpable and obvious His shame and guilt were profound Never had he admitted to himself what had happened in that school let alone admitted to a total stranger until that very moment I listened to his pain tried to console him just let him cry Eventually over the course of a couple of interviews it became obvious to me why he was in jail Any self-esteem that he had as a boy or young man was destroyed by his abuse His very essence was rewritten by the men who had abused him Teens get into trouble but they can also learn to later stay out of it by fol-lowing the teachings of those they trust But for this young man his ability to trust was destroyed by the very people who were sup-posed to care for him nurture him and dare I say it love him appro-priately What was even more tragic is that this man came from a cul-ture that has low tolerance for anything that even remotely resem-bles homosexuality
Being abused sent this man on a downward spiral that ultimately turned him into a drug addict by his own admission a junkie who hated himself for what ldquohe had
(Continued on page 32)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoOver the course of
several related careers I
have seen a lot of good
being done Irsquove also
seen a lot of ugliness
that even by todayrsquos
standards defies the
most common
sensibilities we have as
human beingsldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 32
donerdquo His shame and guilt and culture prevented him saying any-thing about what happened It cut him off from any legal action that might take place and removed any sort of financial compensation that he might gain as a result of his abuse It eventually cut him off from his own family because his drug abuse prevented him from working and supporting his wife and family It destroyed his ability to be a good dad and husband A few years later I saw him back in jail again
When I did encounter him again it was with an in-creased sense of awareness within me Every time a man disclosed to me that he had been sexually abused or assaulted I started to die inside A little piece of me just died every time a man said to me what I could not say to myself or anyone else That dormant volcano started to fume a bit more regularly
Over the course of several related careers I have seen a lot of good being done Irsquove also seen a lot of ugliness that even by todayrsquos standards defies the most common sensibilities we have as human beings It exists Itrsquos around every corner if we choose to look at it Along with the ugly we have the good We have people who are willing to take a stand and come forward to say to the world ldquoWe
Inside (Continued from page 31)
have a problem here itrsquos not going to go away and it needs to be fixedrdquo I had the good fortune to meet many of these people last year at a conference on male sex-ual victimization By then I had been able to learn from the men that I serve that perhaps I too could learn to tell someone Could I be a survivor too
Men in jail are there for a reason Whether itrsquos to protect society while they await trial or from
themselves or while sentenced they are here Whether I think they should be here is irrelevant They are usually at the end of their ropes Their lives are upside down and in turmoil They are frequently in withdrawal from illicit drug use They are in the bottom of a pit from which there does not appear to be an escape or refuge They are desperate and will act desperately
if needed They are angry and no longer have any control over their lives Someone has taken that control away from them They have no choice but to comply Failure to comply results in loss of privileges which can include being prohibited from contact with those they love the most Forced co-habitation with other men can evoke strong memories of prior abuse which they cannot deal with let alone understand It can be isolation
They are alone and cannot speak about their issues for fear of being discovered and further stigmatized and trau-matized by a peer group that cannot tolerate differences or diversity
I have been fortunate in that for some reason men trust me and feel safe and able to disclose And when they do you can see the relief on their faces They are scared for sure but it has always seemed to be a relief I have to ask them I have no choice because itrsquos part of my job But now as a survivor myself I can tell them they are not alone I cannot tell them about me but I can tell them they are not alone that they
are among the approximately one in six men who are assaulted or abused when they are boys or young men I can tell them about the few resources we have avail-able for men which are a 100 improvement compared to what they had when they first walked into my office I tell them about MaleSurvivor and have MS posters up in my office I can tell them that
ldquoTougher than lsquoNamrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 33
Maybe not I prefer to think that I have shown them that there is hope There is life in being a survi-vor they donrsquot have to be held hostage any longer by a secret that was put upon them by an abuser I prefer to think that I have been able to show them that they do not have to be ashamed for being male When I speak with them Irsquom a straight shooter I calls rsquoem as I sees lsquoem I use words they can understand mdash street language mdash which helps them understand their bodies and to understand that Mother Nature made them to be reactive and responsive I tell them that simply because their bodies reacted that their bodies re-sponded while being abused did not make the abuse their fault It takes a while to get there at times But the relief when the penny drops and they realize that they themselves were in no way respon-sible for the abuse is quite remark-able
Just this week Irsquove been working with a man who actually smiled when he came into my office He said ldquoI finally get it It wasnrsquot my faultrdquo He then went on to tell me that immediately prior to his at-tending in my office he had just disclosed to his sister while on the phone in his jail area surrounded by other inmates While it was perhaps not the safest venue for a disclosure he made his own deci-sion He said he was taking control As a 35 year old this man has not been in control since he was first abused at age seven Subsequent abuse only reinforced for him that he was an object a thing not worth anything Relationship after relationship failed him as he con-tinued to relive issues of abandon-
there are over 6000 people regis-tered at MS and that when they get out they will find tremendous support at the MS website I can tell them about Weekends of Re-covery without disclosing that attending a WOR was one of the best things I have done with my life They will know that they are no longer alone And not once has anyone asked me directly about me If they did I could not reply which in a round about way is a reply But I cannot reply Why The institution that I work in can be as intolerant of differences and diver-sity as the inmates are of each other The whole notion of male abuse and assault simply does not exist It is not spoken of It will not be spoken of mdash until now
Because abuse is now spoken of I have been able to create a support network for inmates and for myself Itrsquos a small step but a step never-theless Itrsquos spoken of now at a level never before reached in terms of official support and direction Support has yet to be defined but I have a mandate now to do a better job for male survivors Itrsquos on paper Itrsquos my goal
Safety of all concerned has to remain first and foremost mdash safety for the inmate safety for me With inmates disclosing to me often for the first time I am struck by what happens next A huge can of worms is opened And for what There is little safety here little opportunity to follow up The court system tosses these men around like dice One day they are here the next they are God knows where Have I done something that perhaps I shouldnrsquot have Maybe
ment physical and sexual abuse sexual orientation confusion anger management substance abuse domestic violence self respect low self esteem boundaries mdash these and much more impact upon this man daily But hersquos making a start Itrsquos another chance We all need them
I would be remiss to not mention the support of my colleagues Some of them do know about me and they have been tremendously supportive and understanding They too share a belief that it is possible for men to become survivors I cannot imagine doing this work everyday without their ongoing support I love you guys
The resources I refer to are few the Menrsquos Project in Ottawa The Gate-house in Toronto as well as local sexual assault centres I discovered on my own road to recovery that our local sexual assault centre does in fact offer services to men but does not advertise this due to the fear of being inundated with refer-rals They simply are not equipped to handle what surely lies out in my community When the report of the Cornwall Inquiry comes out later this year it is my belief that it will force our government our society to re-examine how its treatment of boys and men is provided Hope-fully those who are like I was feeling alone fearful uncomfortable in their own skin will feel more enabled to come forward to shed that skin that was put on them by their abuser(s) and step out of the ordinary letting their souls ascend and become free
Vol 2 No 2
Page 34
A History of Male Survi-vor Services in Queacutebec
and First Nations Communities
By Caroline Benamza (dance and drama therapistpsychotherapist at CRIPHASE)
And by Benoicirct St Jean (Director of CRIPHASE)
Contact Tel +1-514-529-55-67 Email infocriphaseorg
Website wwwcriphaseorg
T he latest statistics in Queacutebec show that one out of every six men has been sexually
abused before the age of 18 but there are very few statistics regard-ing male survivors and this estima-tion is only based on reported abuse Most adult men or boys who are survivors go unnoticed because most of the services in Queacutebec are exclusively for women In 2008 the male population in Queacutebec was about 3800000 of which about 3000000 are above 20 years of age (from the Institut de la Statistique) Therefore we can estimate that in Queacutebec there are around 500000 male survivors actually visible within the different health care services justice system and police departments The num-ber is already frightening for a seemingly peaceful society like Queacutebec When it comes to Native American communities as many as 80 of boys have been sexually abused before the age of 18 This number is quite similar mdash but for different reasons mdash to the male population within the Federal or Provincial prisons
The reality of male survivors of sexual abuse in childhood has remained in the dark for years in Queacutebec and it is only in the last four years that the government has acknowledged the necessity of funding counseling services for male survivors Historically it can be explained The first services for survivors have been developed since the 1960s within the very strong Queacutebeacutecois feminist move-ments The women have built along the years a strong network of ser-vices for female vic-tims of sexual abuse and domestic vio-lence Today these services still exist as the CALACS (Centres dAide et de Lutte contre les Agressions agrave Caractegravere Sexuel = Sexual Assault Cen-tres) network for survivors of sexual abuse Due to a strong belief in pro-viding a safe haven for women survivors men were turned away from these services and had nowhere to go Only two survivorsrsquo centres in the Montreal area outside the CALACS network welcomed men but those men represent only 5 of clients
This situation became obvious when the CAVAC (Centre drsquoAide pour les Victime drsquoActes Criminels = Crime Victims Assistance Centres) started to provide counseling ser-
vices to victims of criminal acts who wished to press charges and go through a court procedure The first services in Queacutebec for male survivors therefore came from a strong need in the society In 1996 the CAVAC decided to fund an experimental program directed by Denis Reneacute to offer a support group for male survivors This program was named the PHASE Groups (Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = For Men Sexually Abused in Child-
hood) With the suc-cess of these first groups between 1996 and 1997 the CAVAC of Montreal tried to secure funding for the continuation of services Unfortu-nately the PHASE Groups suffered from the double status it carried within the government the Minister of Justice that was the main funder of the CAVAC refused to fund a counseling service supposedly to be funded by the Health Minister Later the Health Minister turned down the
funding because as part of CAVAC the program should have been funded by the Minister of Justice
So it was in 1997 that Denis Reneacute decided to secure the future of the PHASE Groups by registering them
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoWhen it comes to
Native American
communities as many
as 80 of boys have
been sexually abused
before the age of 18
This number is quite
similarmdashbut for different
reasonsmdashto the male
population within the
Federal or Provincial
prisonsrdquo
February 2009
Page 35
intimacy and sexuality issues) and PHASE Artistique (a 10 weeks art and movement therapy program) with a holistic approach to body and mind recovery
In 2008 the very first weekend of recovery (named PHASE Weekend) was created and CRIPHASE wishes to make the weekend an annual event In 2003 for the first time
CRIPHASE became a full member of the Table de Concertation en Agressions Sexuelles (a gathering of several organizations providing services to survivors in addition to representatives from the Justice the Health Minister and the police) This cooperation allows a better understanding of survivor issues and needs as well as a better coor-
within a non-profit organization that took the name CRIPHASE (Centre de Resources et drsquointervention Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = Resource and Intervention Centre for Men who have been Sexually Abused in Childhood) For 10 years the Groups have survived on pri-vate funding and have provided two recovery Groups called PHASE 1 and PHASE 2 Each PHASE is a 10-week program serving non-offending male survivors over 18 years of age and of all sexual orienta-tions With its first public funding in 2004 of $38000 a director was en-gaged by the board of administration and in 2008 the PSOC (a funding body within the agency of Health and Social Services) fi-nally secured the future of CRIPHASE with a first major funding rooting CRIPHASE in the circle of sexual abuse survivors centres
Since 2006 CRIPHASE has devel-oped a major politics of visibility through the media conferences and meetings with the different actors of the Queacutebeacutecois stage Three more programs have been developed within CRIPHASE PHASE Conjoint (for partners of male survivors) PHASE Sexo (a 10 weeks program of recovery focusing on
dination of services on the ground From within the Table CRIPHASE has been able to educate people on the issue of male survivors and participate or initiate projects such as the Information Guide for Sexual Assault Victims and the first pre-vention mobilization and aware-ness march for sexual abuse survi-vors in 2008 The presence of CRIPHASE at the Table has also
allowed the feminists within the CALACS to have a better under-standing of the suffer-ing of male survivors who are also victims in their own way of an old patriarchal system CRIPHASE was also finally incorporated in the CALACS coordina-tion groupmdashcalled Table des CALACS mdash in 2008
Until 2008 there were no services provided in English (Queacutebec is a French-speaking province where Eng-lish speakers are a minority) due to lack of funding to translate the PHASE 1 docu-ments and employ English-speaking therapists The project
to offer groups in English had been put aside for years but finally in 2008 the first groups of PHASE 1 and 2 opened for English speakers The PHASE Artistique and PHASE Weekend are now bilingual pro-grams
(Continued on page 36)
Phone calls received at CRIPHASE
male survivors
therapists
relatives and loved ones
other
The average male survivor using the services at CRIPHASE is aged between 35 and 55
Vol 2 No 2
Page 36
Male survivors in the Native American
communities Recovery programs within Native American communities are only starting Many Native American men were sexually abused as well as psychologically and emotionally abused when they were sent to boarding schools across the province for assimila-tion The effects of this traumatic experience (including historic trauma) can be seen in all First Nations of Queacutebec Algonquians Cris Innus Abenakis Innuits Micmacs and so forth Today there is a strong need of heal-ing for this lost gen-eration but traumatic experiences and con-sequences have been passed on to the next generations Unfortu-nately sexual abuse is one of these problems which need to be addressed through prevention and coun-seling in a way that will integrate Native American traditions and their holistic ap-proach to medicine Such programs already exist within some communi-ties Organizations like GRIPMA (Groupe de Recherches et dInter-ventions Psychosociales en Milieu Autochtone = Research and Inter-vention group in Aboriginal Com-munities) located in the Huron
History of Male Survivor Services (Continued from page 35)
community of Wendake (near Queacute-bec city) provide a clinical expertise in intervention within Native Ameri-can communities On the other side the Aboriginal Healing Foun-dation based in Ottawa is currently funding 16 recovery projects for the First Nations in Queacutebec ad-dressing sexual abuse addiction prevention of suicide boarding schools trauma etc until 2010
Last year the publication of the five-year funding plan on sexual abuse by the provincial govern-ment of Queacutebec has seen the recognition of male survivors as a population in great need of ser-vices It has also recognized the necessity of providing services to the First Nations communities
Things are changing in Queacutebec for male survivors Because CRIPHASE is the only organization providing support and counseling to men in Queacutebec who have been sexually abused in childhood there is great hope for an increase of funding this year The constant develop-ment of CRIPHASE and the increase in phone calls and numbers of guys within the services (in 2008-
2009 there will be seven groups of PHASE 1 in-stead of five the year before) also show that men in Queacutebec are get-ting the right information on sexual abuse and services and are being encouraged to look for help and engage in re-covery
If you are one of these men in Queacutebec we are waiting for your call Remember you are not alone
For the annual march event please visit wwwmarchevasca (Information for the May 2009 march will be on line from February 2009)
Quilt Square by a Native Child from Alberta From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 37
MaleSurvivor is men surviving sexual abuse in Canada we will start with Canadarsquos sad legacy of abuse of children by clergy
A Brief Incomplete Canadian History
In Canada our First Nations People have had to bear the legacy of abuse they endured in Canadarsquos notorious residential schools Cur-rent issues of addictions and family and mental health problems amongst our First Nations people can be traced back to the legacy of abuse experienced by Native chil-dren in residential schools
Around 1874 the federal government began working with the churches (Catholic Anglican United and Presbyte-rian) to set up the Residential School System as a means to suppress Native cul-ture and promote assimilation In gen-eral children between the ages of five and 16 were taken from their parents and sent to church-run residen-tial schools The extent of the abuse in these church-run schools has been referred to as the ldquoCanadian Holocaustrdquo Recently the Canadian Government formed the Truth and Reconciliation Commis-sion (TRC) as part of the court-approved Indian Residential Schools Settlement Agreement The
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious
Leader By Nancy N Mayer MSW RSW
Partner Crisci amp Mayer Consultation Counselling and
Training Toronto wwwckmconsultationcom
Introduction
L ikely all the readers of this newsletter have knowledge and expertise about men
being physically sexually and emotionally abused Research tells us that abusers can come from any
walk of life and most often are known to the child or adult In the last decade abuse by clergy has finally ldquocome out of the closetrdquo so to
speak thanks to those brave survi-vors who have made public their experiences of being abused by clergy More than ever survivor groups are encouraging victims to report these crimes to the police and to consider seeking civil re-dress for their injuries Many groups believe that change in churches will only come when they are held accountable for the abuse perpetrated by clergy
This article will attempt to address the distinctive issues that are com-mon to this population of survivors Because the focus of this issue of
purpose of the commission is not to determine guilt or innocence but to create an historical account of the residential schools help people to heal and encourage reconciliation between Aboriginal and non-aboriginal Canadians
The notorious Mount Cashel Or-phanage is another Canadian leg-acy of sexual abuse by clergy This facility was operated in Newfound-land by the Christian Brothers More than a dozen priests were convicted after decades of abusing young boys at the orphanage
Mount Cashel Or-phanage closed in 1989 just six months after allegations of sexual physical and emotional abuse were published by the media (For more in depth information see Harris Michael Unholy Orders Trag-edy at Mount Cashel Ontario Viking Press 1990)
Like the US there have been hundreds and perhaps thou-sands of cases of children and vulner-
able adults abused by clergy in every religious denomination Unlike the US our country is not bound as strictly by statutes of limitations so lawsuits can proceed more freely Our sentences for convicted clerical sex offenders are
(Continued on page 38)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Nancy N Mayer
ldquo[First Nations] children
between the ages of five
and 16 were taken from
their parents and sent to
church-run residential
schools The extent of
the abuse in these
church-run schools has
been referred to as the
lsquoCanadian Holocaustrsquoldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 38
nowhere near as severe as those of our American neighbours Most first offenders will not serve a day in jail The civil awards for personal inju-ries are also quite low Our court system promotes set-tling these cases out of court When a case fails to go to trial it is not part of the public re-cord The widespread use of confidentiality orders media fatigue and Canadian reserve means that it is impos-sible to obtain accurate statistics on how often men are abused by clergy or even the ex-tent of the problem in this country
The Authority of Rel igious Leaders Religious organizations have always played a central role in our so-cieties They provide moral ethical and spiritual guidance Reli-gious teachings have given us a context and meaning for our lives Most religious belief revolves around a divine power or God Religious leaders (ministers priests rabbis elders nuns) are thought to be Godrsquos earthly repre-sentatives and are treated with reverence and respect They have intimate involvement with families and children at such vulnerable times as an illness death or other family crises They may have access
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 37)
to confidential information by virtue of their roles of confessor or counsellor A child brought up by religious parents is taught to re-spect these men and women Oth-ers associated with churches mdash choir leaders teachers cantors youth group leaders mdash are also considered trustworthy by virtue of their close
association with their religious organizations Most parents en-courage their childrenrsquos participa-tion in church-based activities believing them to be safe and wholesome
These leaders are considered to be esteemed authorities and as repre-sentatives of God wield a great deal of power Depending on the faith group there may be teachings
that support an unquestioning adherence to their instructions and guidance This makes children and vulnerable adults particularly sus-ceptible to exploitation by this group because they have access opportunity and trust
Misuse of Power Perpetrators can utilize their positions of power and trust to gain access to their victims some-times for extended periods of uninterrupted time They may tell children that they are being asked to ldquoserve Godrdquo or that they or their families will be punished if they do not do as instructed Chil-dren may be threatened with eternal damnation or blamed for leading the religious leader into sin If the religion con-siders premarital sex or same sex contacts as sinful the guilt will be compounded
In most cases the victim will not disclose or may disclose but not be
believed A child will have a difficult time convincing adults that he or she has been victimized The vic-timrsquos family culture or communi-ties have been socialized to see their religious leaders as unques-tionably good and incapable of lies This can lead to others denying or minimizing the victimrsquos experience of abuse The victim is initially harmed by the abuser and then is revictimized by those who cannot
ldquoMay Hope be Passed through Every Handrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 39
institutionrsquos response and lack of compassion and pastoral care
The Impact on Spir ituality
The frequently used term ldquosoul murderrdquo aptly describes what hap-pens when the abuser is a religious leader When the response of the religious institu-tion to a disclosure of abuse is experienced as self-serving and uncaring the survivor will likely lose his faith in the religious community of which he has been a part To belong and to feel connected is a basic human need When abused by clergy the loss of connection and belonging to what may have been a spiritual anchor can be devastating
To compound the harm the abuse may have occurred in a religious building The abuser may have worn traditional cleri-cal attire or may have made religious or biblical refer-ences As a result being exposed to religious symbols music or any other reminder can trigger flashbacks and other uncomfortable physical symptoms
The cleric is often considered Godrsquos representative on earth This gives the cleric power that surpasses his position and status When abuse is at the hands of a minister nun
accept that their spiritual leaders are capable of abuse There are many stories of clergy abuse survi-vors being abandoned by their religious communities (who side with the cleric) and their families who cannot face leaving the church that has given their lives meaning and comfort The resultant feelings of betrayal and abandonment are profound
The Role of the Religious Inst itutions
When religious institutions hold themselves up as ethical compasses and arbitrators of right and wrong society has an expectation that church leaders will act in a fair and moral way Many US Commissions and Grand Juries and Canadian reports such as the Winter Com-mission Report (Archdiocese of St Johns Newfoundland Canada 1990) Child Abuse in Community Institutions and Organizations and Improving Public and Professional Understanding (prepared for the Law Commission of Canada) all record and explain the dynamics that have lead to the failure of religious institutions to protect our children
While it is well known that any institution mdash educational recrea-tional or spiritual mdash is not immune from having sex offenders in its midst the religious institutions have a particular legacy of protect-ing the institution through aggres-sive legal tactics versus truth telling and reconciliation Many victims state that they have been less wounded by the actual abuse and profoundly more damaged by the
priest rabbi minister or elder the recipient of the abuse may experi-ence profound guilt for ldquoparticipatingrdquo in ldquosinfulrdquo behaviour mdash a mistaken belief that he is respon-sible for the abuse or shame that
he has ldquosinnedrdquo He may believe he is deserving of rejection or eternal damnation If he confesses he risks exposing the cleric who has likely done what he could to trick the victim into believing that he must maintain silence and secrecy One survivor describes feeling that rdquoIt was like being abused by God him-self If even God couldnrsquot love me how could anyone else ever love merdquo
These factors alone can leave a man who has been abused by clergy unable to find comfort and solace in what used to be his spiritual beliefs and his church Without these familiar beliefs the survivor is aban-
doned and alone when he most needs support
The Role of Gender While woman are ordained in some denominations there is still an imbalance of power between men and women in many religious tradi-tions For boys and men abused by male clerics embarrassment and
(Continued on page 40)
ldquoThe frequently used
term lsquosoul murderrsquo aptly
describes what happens
when the abuser is a
religious leader When
the response of the
religious institution to a
disclosure of abuse is
experienced as self-
serving and uncaring
the survivor will likely
lose his faith in the
religious community of
which he has been
a partrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 40
concerns of how they will be per-ceived promote silence For the boy or man abused by a female cleric there may be worries that he will be labelled the seducer or pres-sured to consider this ldquorelationshiprdquo as non-abusive
The study conducted by the John Jay Col-lege of Criminal Jus-tice regarding The Nature and Scope of the Problem of Sexual Abuse of Minors by Priests and Deacons in the Catholic Church (Washington DC USCCB 2004) found some very disturbing information about the age and gender of victims The largest group of reported victims (509) was between the ages of 11 and 14 273 of victims were 15 to 17 16 were eight to 10 and nearly 6 were under age seven Overall 81 of vic-tims were male and 19 female Male victims tended to be older than female victims Over 40 of all victims were males between the ages of 11 and 14
The largest group of reported victims in this study consisted of boys who were entering puberty This is a tumultuous time in most
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 39)
young menrsquos lives To have this period of development disrupted can contribute to many mental health problems including lack of confidence disruption of emo-tional sexual and psycho-social development isolation sexual identity confusion depression anxiety and abuse of substances
In Summary The harm experienced by those
who are abused by clergy is profound and multifaceted Some therapists will not want to work with survivors of clergy abuse due to the complexity of their issues their limited knowledge of the subject area possible religious biases and potential for litigation Most (but certainly not all) survivors will have experienced revictimization by their churches or religious institutions This compounded by abuse by a religious leader in a position of power will under-standably lead to unique challenges Survivors will have
significant trust issues that can impede the forming of a trusting therapeutic relationship with a therapist who will also be in a position of power and may be an employee of an institution With transparency and skill on the part of the therapist and tenacity on the part of the survivor effective thera-
peutic partnership can be achieved While recovery is difficult it is possible
The irony is that many survivors of abuse by clergy have a strong sense of integrity morality and perseverance They learned the lessons that the ldquoreligiousrdquo offend-ers failed to learn At the core of their beings these clergy abuse survivors are the prophets who have come to speak the truth and reveal the abuse and the decep-tions It is this desire for social justice truth telling belonging and connection that will allow a healthy spiritual belief system to rise out of the ashes of what has happened It is this healthy spiritual belief that makes many clergy abuse survivors persistent and tenacious in seeking recovery and social justice They are making a difference and chang-ing the world as we know it
ldquoThe harm experienced
by those who are
abused by clergy is
profound and
multifaceted Some
therapists will not want
to work with survivors
of clergy abuse due to
the complexity of their
issues their limited
knowledge of the
subject area possible
religious biases and
potential for litigationldquo
February 2009
Page 41
tion of it earlier in the lsquo90s but 1997 is when there was a critical mass of mostly male survivors coming forward and taking action against Maple Leaf Gardens Your question specifically was ldquoDid it play a role in my choice of ca-reersrdquo
MS Yes
SJ Yes and no The Maple Leaf
Gardens cases were not my first sexual assault cases but my in-volvement in these cases solidified my interest and desire to help sur-vivors
MS Could you take a few minutes to explain to our readers just what the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal was and why it has played a central role in revealing the extent of sex-ual abuse at least in the Toronto area
of my clients will say something like ldquoYou know this is not about the money I donrsquot care how much I get this is about something elserdquo And whatever that person seeks mdash an apology or the empowerment of filing a lawsuit or a million other unique things mdash that is why I do this kind of work Itrsquos about helping people through whatever process they need in order to begin that healing process the moving forward process
MS And also to provide your clients with a sense of justice
SJ Absolutely Justice is really not about the money itrsquos about the knowledge that theyrsquove come forward theyrsquove done something and theyrsquove empowered themselves It takes a tre-mendous amount of courage to do that I am always in awe of my cli-ents for the amount of courage they have They are my inspiration
MS Many Americans are unaware of the so-called Maple Leaf Gar-dens sex scandal that began some-time in the 1960s but didnrsquot come to wide public attention until 1997 the year after you began practicing law Did this scandal have some affect on your choice of career
SJ Actually the scandal did come to prominence before 1997 There was scattered media atten-
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 1)
SJ Sure There was a series of men who were employed at Maple Leaf Gardens which was the home of the Toronto Maple Leafs mdash the hockey club mdash who over a period of a couple of decades sexually abused probably hundreds of chil-dren It started in the lsquo60s it went on we believe until the early lsquo80s There were two principal men in-volved but there were at least three
others who also were ac-cused In order to under-stand why the Maple Leaf Gardens sex scandals are as important as they are you have to understand that hockey in Toronto and hockey in Canada is almost a religion Hockey is to Canadians what the NFL or Major League Baseball is to Americans Every little boy dreams of about becoming the next Wayne Gretzky becoming the best hockey player he can be Maple Leaf Gar-dens was the home of one of the best loved and biggest hockey teams mdash the Toronto Maple Leafs The Gardens was the high
temple of hockey in Canada and still is In the lsquo60s lsquo70s and even the lsquo80s children mdash mostly boys mdash would go to Maple Leaf Gardens usually unaccompanied by their parents because back then nobody really thought that anything bad would happen to them at the Gar-dens The boys would go there ei-ther for practice games or to watch the Maple Leafs play or more likely they would go to watch To-
(Continued on page 42)
ldquoMaple Leaf Gardens in Memory of Martin Kruzerdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 42
ronto Marlies games The Marlies were the farm team for the Toronto Maple Leafs During these games and these practices the pedophiles who worked at the Gardenrsquos would often befriend these boys seeking out boys who were more vulner-able than others most likely and would sexually assault the boys sometimes off-property but most often within the Gardens itself They would use their position as employees of the Gardens to be able to say to the boys if you come with me Irsquoll get you a broken hockey stick or hockey puck or Irsquoll get you into better seats the next game or whatever other type of inducement would be necessary to get the boys to go with them into either a washroom or a training room or other private place where the boys would be sexually abused
In 1997 there were about 50 or 60 cases all joined to-gether and Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Entertainment Ltd wanted to settle all the cases prior to the Toronto Maple Leafs moving into a new hockey rink called the Air Canada Center so as to have a clean slate at the new rink By and large a lot of the litigation was fin-ished before the team moved into the Air Canada Center but not all of it In fact there are probably 17 or 19 cases going through the court
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 41)
system today more than 10 years after the original large group of plaintiffs went through the court and I believe that new people will continue to come forward when they are strong enough
MS I understand that one of the principal plaintiffs in the case Mar-tin Kruze had settled with the owners or the operators of the Ma-ple Leaf Gardens in 1995 and that he signed a confidentiality agree-ment not to reveal the settlement
or perhaps even the details of what had happened to him Do you think that the confidentiality agree-ment Mr Kruze agreed to slowed down or hindered the full exposure of this scandal
SJ I think that any confidentiality agreement blocks public access to knowledge and to understanding so I do suspect that Martinrsquos confi-dentiality agreement did have some impact on the scandal re-
maining hidden for as long as it did Absolutely yes I believe that confidentiality agreements are in-herently difficult for plaintiffs be-cause they create and continue a cycle of secrecy Sexual assault is a crime that is almost always carried out in secret and the guilt and shame it produces is key in helping pedophiles maintain their hold over their victims Putting a confidential-ity agreement on a settlement just perpetuates the guilt and the shame
MS Unfortunately Martin Kruzersquos principal perpetrator received a shockingly light sen-tence for all his actions and I understand that this led to Martin com-mitting suicide shortly afterwards
SJ I would think that the perpetratorrsquos sentence was a part of why Martin chose to end his life yes It hap-pened relatively shortly after the sentencing and I suspect that it weighed heavily on Martinrsquos decision
MS Do you think that the sen-tence that the perpetrator received was a reflection of the then current attitude towards pedophiles and sexual abuse
SJ The sentence that the perpe-trator received was a reflection on the way that the Canadian justice system deals with criminals regard-ing personal crimes absolutely It was a very low sentence in keep-
Imants Kruze visiting his sonrsquos memorial quilt square in the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 43
obtain here versus how much they can obtain in the United States In the United States there is no cap for pain and suffering awards whereas here in Canada there is a very small cap mdash about $325000 If a survivor of sexual assault goes through the court system and even if they have a very good day in court in terms of compensation yoursquore probably looking at an award for dam-ages somewhere be-tween $200000 and $500000 Sometimes itrsquos actually less than $200000 and very very rarely more than $500000 so in that sense we are defi-nitely behind But I donrsquot think itrsquos a question of waiting 10 years to see if we ldquocatch uprdquo I think itrsquos just a fundamental difference in how our court system works and whatrsquos available to survivors in terms of compensation
If you mean that Canada is 10 years behind in dealing with other aspects of sexual assault then you are probably correct in terms of media attention public awareness and outrage Sexual assault is still largely an unreported unprose-cuted crime But things are getting better every day and as more and more survivors come forward posi-tive changes will continue to hap-pen
MS As Irsquom sure you know therersquos periodic discussion about tort re-
ing with what was handed out at the time and to a large extent itrsquos still in keeping with what is handed out right now
MS Are you still representing or have you represented anyone who is a plaintiff in this scandal
SJ I was very much involved in the core group of Maple Leaf Gar-dens survivors that came forward in 1997 I was on what was called the plaintiffsrsquo committee back then which was a group of a few lawyers who brought the litigation forward I represented a number of plaintiffs in the original group that came forward I have also represented quite a few men throughout the last 10 years and currently repre-sent two men in the last group of plaintiffs to come forward I have also been approached by at least two other men who may decide to pursue litigation
MS Dale English mdash who has spo-ken to you at some length mdash has said to me that either you or he or both of you have felt that Canada is perhaps 10 or more years behind the US in dealing with the issues of sexual abuse and sexual assault Could you elaborate on that com-ment
SJ I think it depends on what you mean by dealing with the is-sues If you mean dealing with the issues in terms of bringing civil cases forward to a certain extent we are behind One of the funda-mental differences between the United States and Canada is the way that our tort systems operate and specifically the amount of compensation that tort victims can
form in the United States mainly aimed at capping punitive dam-ages Irsquom wondering whether there is the mirror of that in Canada mdash whether therersquos any movement to-wards tort reform that would allow greater awards to victims
SJ Well there is and there isnrsquot In Canada itrsquos very difficult if not
impossible to get pu-nitive damages espe-cially if therersquos a criminal conviction The punitive damages that are available in Canada are very low A typical punitive damage award would be $20000 or $25000 - usually not much more than that So damages are quite restricted here in any event In terms of tort reform I think there is a global push by in-surance companies to
try to limit compensation whether in the States or here The things that the American Association of Justice are fighting for down in the States are the same things that the Ontario Trial Lawyers Association are fighting for here mdash the continued ability to sue for compensation un-hampered by legislative roadblocks benefitting powerful institutional defendants to the detriment of those who have suffered Ours is a much smaller playing field and therefore less money is at stake In terms of plaintiffsrsquo lawyers wersquore trying to maximize the compensa-tion that we can get for our client Every time we go to court we try
(Continued on page 44)
ldquoIf you mean that
Canada is 10 years
behind in dealing with
other aspects of sexual
assault then you are
probably correct in
terms of media
attention public
awareness and outrageldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 44
to get a higher damage award so that that case will be a building block for future cases There are always attempts to try to circum-vent the cap on pain and suffering damages that we have Itrsquos not an easy thing to do the cap has been in place in Canada for 32 years now It was put in place in 1977 by the Supreme Court of Canada and itrsquos unlikely to be overturned any-time soon Even though from a purely theoretical legal analysis that cap does not apply to pain and suffering damages for victims of sexual assault and sexual abuse the reality is that judges still use that cap as a high water mark even though it doesnrsquot formally apply mdash it is still a de facto cap and to be honest with you it is almost impos-sible to get anywhere near that cap for compensation for pain and suf-fering A typical pain and suffering award in Canada for childhood sex-ual abuse is somewhere between $100000 and $200000 Anything on top of that would be associated economic loss or care costs
MS Itrsquos quite unfortunate that even though therersquos no real cap the law behaves as if there were one
SJ Yep I couldnrsquot agree with you more Itrsquos very unfortunate
MS I understand that in 2005 the government of Ontario convened whatrsquos known as the Cornwall Pub-lic Inquiry Was the Inquiry con-vened to address the issues of sex-ual abuse and sexual assault and
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 43)
the way the justice system is han-dling it
SJ Thatrsquos probably one of the reasons the Inquiry was convened Thatrsquos one of the hopes The In-quiry was convened because of what was going on in a little city east of Toronto mdash a series of allega-tions against very prominent mem-bers of that community involving the sexual abuse of children over a period of many many years The idea behind the Inquiry is to try to figure out what happened and to put in place some recommenda-tions that will not only stop some-thing like the abuse in Cornwall from happening again but will also try to help those who were affected by the events in the first place And to some extent I think some good will come of the Inquiry Hopefully the recommendations will be good for survivors of childhood sexual abuse or any kind of sexual assault The Submission phase of the In-quiry officially ended late February 2009
MS Did you have the opportunity to testify before the Inquiry
SJ I did not personally testify before the Inquiry Testimony was generally limited to the people ac-tually involved mdash police officers vic-tims what not I was involved in the Inquiry with regards to a panel discussionroundtable that they had regarding the use of confiden-tiality agreements
MS As you probably know Male-Survivor was first founded in the early 1980s by a group of thera-pists who were concerned about support for victims of childhood
sexual abuse and although Male-Survivor is still not a very large or-ganization it has increased its in-fluence significantly over the years and Irsquom wondering whether there is a similar non-profit or other group in Canada that also is dedi-cated to helping victims of child-hood sexual abuse
SJ There are some grass roots organizations that deal with victims of childhood sexual abuse or adult sexual assault I donrsquot believe there is as cohesive a unit as MaleSurvi-vor I may be wrong on that but there are smaller more community based organizations that assist sur-vivors That being said resources available to survivors are unfortu-nately pretty limited
MS Is that because there are too few therapists in that form of prac-tice
SJ I think itrsquos a mixture of many different things First of all Canada has a much smaller population base mdash 30 million people as com-pared to 300 million in the United States mdash so you have significantly fewer people affected and there-fore you have significantly fewer resources available to those people The services that we do have will often have very long waiting lists before people can access them There are some very very good counselors in Canada assisting sur-vivors but unfortunately the waiting lists are sometimes long and the availability for public funding to provide services free of charge is somewhat limited
MS Is there anything in your opinion about the Canadian health
February 2009
Page 45
system that contributes to the scar-city of services
SJ I donrsquot know if itrsquos the Cana-dian health system I think that in Canada we have a pretty good public health system in the sense that anybody who needs medical services can access those services free of charge The problem is that a lot of these services are not covered under our health system per se Many are covered under either private plans or pay as you go type services and itrsquos just a question of finding the people who can provide these services and being lucky enough to get them when they either donrsquot have a waiting list or other-wise having to wait until your name comes up on that waiting list
MS And that could takes years in some cases it seems
SJ My understanding is that those waiting lists can be quite long but there are very good peo-ple out there Itrsquos just a question of finding them and being able to afford them
MS Can you elaborate on other differences between the US and Canada that affect the way survi-vors and perpetrators are treated by the legal system and the media
SJ The differences between Can-ada and the US are really huge On the surface Americans and Canadi-ans look pretty much the same dress the same talk the same eat the same foods and by and large watch the same TV but culturally there is a huge difference in the way we look at the world in the
way our legal system works and the way that people interact with one another
Americans are much more litigious by na-ture I think this is due to the fact that in the United States mdash at least as seen from the outside mdash the rights of the individual are paramount In Can-ada less so Canada is much more commu-nity-oriented We of-tentimes think about how something is going to affect others instead of looking at what an individual might be entitled to I think that the high
damage awards available through the American legal system are beneficial in sexual abuse cases as is the lack of a cap on awards which we have
In some ways though our legal system is much better for my cli-ents than the US system would be because of the way that our actual process works One of the things that I know is very damaging to a lot of plaintiffs in the United States is the whole discovery process tak-
ing depositions Depositions can go on for a huge number of days and pretty much everybody in the per-sonrsquos life can be called to give a deposition That is very troubling and painful for people who donrsquot necessarily want others to know about their abuse or donrsquot want to involve their family Here in Canada depositions mdash or what we call the examination for discovery mdash are lim-ited to the actual named parties in the lawsuit The defendant and the plaintiff are examined for discovery or deposed if you will Anyone who is not an actual party to the litiga-tion can only be discovered under court orders and itrsquos very difficult to get those court orders so in that sense itrsquos a much quicker cleaner process and less intrusive on some-onersquos life So that is probably a good thing
The other really huge difference between the two systems which I think does in fact impact on why a lot of these cases settle as opposed to going to court and oftentimes settle for very different amounts of money than they would if they went to court is that in Canada we have a ldquoloser paysrdquo system If you go to court and you lose you have to pay at least a portion of the fees incurred by the other side Letrsquos say the defendantrsquos settlement offer is $100000 If the plaintiff does not accept that $100000 and at trial the plaintiff gets $99000 then the plaintiff has to pay the lawyerrsquos fees of the defendant because the award is less than the settlement offer That is very difficult That means that a lot of cases are set-tled for probably less money than
(Continued on page 46)
ldquoOn the surface
Americans and
Canadians look pretty
much the same hellip but
culturally there is a
huge difference in the
way we look at the
world in the way our
legal system works and
the way that people
interact with one
anotherldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 46
MS I join you in that hope Any-thing that can advance the cause of not only helping people but also helping prevent further abuses is always going to be welcome If you could set forth a vision of how you would like to see the law and the therapeutic community in Canada evolve to handle matters of child-
hood sexual abuse and sexual assault mdash if you could influence the reform of institu-tions what would your vision be
SJ Oh Richard Wow Well first and foremost I would love to raise public aware-ness of this issue for various reasons I think that increased public awareness will not necessarily reduce the instances of abuse but will help improve how abuse is dealt with when itrsquos ongoing and after-wards Itrsquos very im-portant that when a child is hurt that
child knows that he can go to peo-ple for help and support All too often if kids get up enough cour-age to tell someone the reaction they get is not very positive I think that with increased public aware-ness hopefully people will under-stand that there are ways to deal with this that will decrease the amount of harm so public aware-ness is paramount
I would like the legal system to raise compensation awards for sur-
turning point in bringing to the publicrsquos attention that the sexual assault of children can happen does happen and itrsquos a very diffi-cult thing for anyone to go through whether theyrsquore little boys or grown men that were abused as children It brought childhood sex-ual abuse out of the shadows to a certain extent The scandal still garners media attention as new survivors come forward but not the same as it did 10 years ago
MS Would you say that the lack of inves-tigative reporting is a cultural phenomenon or is it that the news-papers donrsquot feel they have that role
SJ Oh no Canadian newspapers do feel that they have a role in investigating things but for whatever rea-son sexual abuse of children has not been a priority The Cana-dian media really has not been at the forefront of this issue the way the media in the United States has been and I think that is tremen-dously disappointing The lack of media attention means that we arenrsquot fostering the awareness within the public that we need in order to provide real help and ser-vices for survivors We need the mediarsquos help to bring this horrific crime to light and to help stop it from happening
they would get if they went to court because that risk of going to court and not getting at least the amount of the original offer weighs heavily on everyone Our system is designed and geared toward avoid-ing trials which can be good be-cause nobody really wants to go through a trial but can be bad be-cause people become very intimi-dated by the prospect of losing or not getting as much as the settle-ment offer and being indebted to the defendant for a lot of money Thatrsquos a scary scary thing to go through
With regards to the media the US has a media that by and large has helped out a lot with sexual abuse cases The whole issue of clergy abuse really started with investiga-tive reporting by the Boston Globe right
MS Right
SJ They really took that issue and just ran with it Here in Canada we really havenrsquot had the same kind of investigative media cover-age as yoursquove had which is why events like the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal are not as huge as they are down in the States
Before Martin Kruze committed sui-cide the media was only somewhat interested in the Maple Leaf Gar-dens scandal Martin Kruze was a figure because he had sued the Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Com-plex But after he committed sui-cide the media was really galva-nized and that was probably a
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 45)
ldquoThe lack of media
attention means that we
arenrsquot fostering the
awareness within the
public that we need in
order to provide real
help and services for
survivors We need the
mediarsquos help to bring
this horrific crime to
light and to help stop it
from happeningrdquo
February 2009
Page 47
ments but it canrsquot at this stage really happen through the courts
I would want there to be an ability for institutions or perpetrators mdash de-fendants mdash to look beyond mere dollars and cents and look toward healing the person that they have hurt either directly or indirectly All too often in these cases we really become tied up in the legal minu-tiae of things as opposed to defen-dants saying ldquoOK letrsquos step back here and letrsquos try to helprdquo
I wish that there were a real under-standing that these cases are not car accident cases and they should
not be treated as car accident cases My clients are not people whorsquove broken a leg and therefore need X amount of dollars in order to pay for medical services or whatnot And unfortu-nately that doesnrsquot necessarily happen
In terms of the thera-peutic community I would love to see counseling and therapy ses-sions be paid for through the pub-lic purse so that people who re-quire the services of highly-skilled counselors and therapists and psy-chologists can access those services without having to pay for them A lot of clients just donrsquot have the economic means to pay for such services until after they get a set-tlement and that could take years It would be wonderful to see those kinds of services funded the same way as a trip to the emergency room or a trip to your family doc-tor for a cold is funded Irsquod love to
vivors The amount of damage that can be done as a result of child-hood abuse or in fact any kind of sexual assault is tremendous It affects almost every aspect of someonersquos life It becomes inter-generational because it affects the people around the survivor and compensation awards are still very much a pale reflection of what is needed in order to help these peo-ple I hope that at some point our judges and our legislature under-stand that need and can corre-spondingly give appropriate and reasonable damage awards so that people can start to rebuild their lives in a meaningful way
I would love there to be an opportunity within our civil system for more than just compensation At this stage the only thing that a civil judge can do is award monetary compensation There are a lot of creative things that you can do within a settlement that are not purely fi-nancial that can give a lot of sol-ace to someone who has been abused whether that be in the form of some non-financial healing whether it be in the form of a situation where somebody can con-front their abuser if thatrsquos what they wish to do in a safe setting or whether itrsquos the ability for that sur-vivor to do something outside of pure simple dollars and put for-ward some sort of healing plan that is as individual as they are That can happen through settle-
be able to see that I think that that would go a long way to helping people earlier rather than later
Ultimately I wish that this situation didnrsquot exist anymore and I would be put out of business frankly
MS Well I can certainly sympa-thize with the way you feel but it would seem that you have a career ahead of you dealing with this problem
SJ Unfortunately I think you are right I think that instances of child-hood sexual abuse are not neces-sarily going down I think that insti-tutions are getting a little bit better at putting in place policies and sometimes even following their own policies to stop pedophiles from entering those institutions and preying on people that those insti-tutions are theoretically set up to serve but I think that as long as the problem of childhood sexual abuse is with us I will be out there trying to help anybody that I can
MS Is there anything else yoursquod like to say to our readers
SJ I think that organizations such as MaleSurvivor are imperative in helping people understand that they are not alone that itrsquos not their fault and there are ways to get help So hats off to an organi-zation such as yours The clients I have who are involved in your or-ganization are very very well served so I have to thank you for being a resource
MS Thank you very much for your kind comments and for your time Simona
ldquoUltimately I wish that
this situation didnrsquot exist
anymore and I would be
put out of business
franklyrdquo
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-
Vol 2 No 2
Page 14
My Weekend of Recovery
By Robert L
M y Weekend of Recovery was a phenomenal ex-perience Phenomenal
The more time that passes the more I realize how much of a posi-tive impact the WOR has had on me Since the WOR things have opened up and my recovery is accelerating
Given the positive experi-ence it is hard to believe that I was somewhat hesitant to attend While I was very excited when I first signed up months in advance some personal issues arose by the time the WOR came around and I seriously considered backing out Thankfully I did not
By way of background I have known about my abuse all my life No flashbacks for me it was always front and center I tried to deal with it as best as I could alone I first spoke about the abuse at age 19 telling my first real love interest about it Disclosing my past only to love interests became a pattern for me until I could no longer handle the pain and started individual therapy at age 31 (six years ago)
The individual therapy has been very helpful I have learned a lot
about myself particularly by ex-ploring areas that I did not even think were part of the equation The therapy also helped a lot of the pain go away
My biggest single problem remains relationships or the lack thereof In actuality I have never had a ldquorealrdquo relationship Instead I keep repeat-ing the same patterns of falling for girls who cannot be emotionally available to me who are often
survivors themselves and are often already in a relationship with an-other man Clearly I needed to add something to my individual ther-apy
Over the past six years I have considered group therapy but
could not find a suitable group A few months before the WOR my therapist gave me a copy of Mike Lewrsquos book Victims No Longer As I read the book I realized that I was a ldquotextbook caserdquo and thought that surely there must be a ldquotextbook solutionrdquo (that I obviously could not find over six years of individual therapy) Naiumlve or not I decided to search for a group once again My online search led me to
the MaleSurvivor website Imagine my pleasant surprise when I discov-ered that a WOR was coming to my city I signed up immediately
I was literally the first survivor to arrive at Mysthaven and was so anxious to ldquoget the show on the roadrdquo While wait-ing for the others to arrive I spent my time looking around trying to make myself feel at home It did not take long for that to happen As I entered the main room I was faced with dozens of t-shirts made by past WOR attendees and it moved me to tears I was surely in a place where I belonged
Eventually the others arrived and we began the opening ceremony It was so well thought out Actually everything was well thought out right from the opening to the closing ceremonies I noticed a lot
In the First Person
ldquoI Know I Am Not Shamefulrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 15
of nice little touches and appreci-ated all of them
After the opening ceremony we did a ldquosafetyrdquo exercise in which everyone had a chance to express his needs for a safe environment (for instance I cannot have people touch my neck) We all committed to abide by the safety rules This turned out to be one of the best parts of the WOR because at no time whatsoever did I feel judged or unsafe in any way I cannot recall ever being in such an atmosphere before
We went through a lot of activities and exercises over the weekend Some of these included small groups breathing exercises (grounding) telling our story ldquosculptingrdquo shame busting commu-nity building art and mindfulness walks
I liked the small groups the best I felt there was an excellent fit among the facilitators my fellow survivors and me I had ample opportunity to say what I wanted to say and welcomed all the feed-back After years of individual ther-apy it was great to finally connect with other male survivors in a group setting I learned from my fellow survivors and it also put my recovery into perspective
The shame busting exercise was also incredible It is one thing to talk about creating intimacy it is another to learn how to do it ac-
from the pastrdquo on every street cor-ner mdash and I am finding them a greater challenge than I antici-pated It has been much easier (surprisingly) and a hugely empow-ering victory for me to transform the house we now inhabit mdash where some of the abuse occurred in my childhood mdash into the safest and most comfortable home I have ever known Deep River is relatively iso-lated from the colleagues I have come to know and trust over many years and I take every opportunity to join them whenever and wher-ever I can for trainings and work-shops I am also learning to rely more on the telephone and the Internet to maintain my personal and professional circles of support My journey of growth and healing continues It is not without hurdles and challenges but at this stage it is filled with blessings not the least of which are my two children (now adults) and the relationships I now enjoy with them Life now is better than I could ever have imagined and I welcome the challenges
Which brings me to the present blessing and challenge namely joining the leadership team of the MaleSurvivor Weekends of Recov-ery I have many strong family and professional connections in the United States and I welcome this opportunity to work with a geo-graphically and culturally broader range of men and women who share my values principles and passion for recovery I look forward to meeting and working with some of you
My Journey (Continued from page 13)
tively After the movement exercise one of the facilitators told me that I ldquolooked beautiful out thererdquo I did not believe or understand that comment at the time but I think I do now and it still makes me cry to think of it The comment made me feel that someone saw the ldquorealrdquo me regardless of what I look
like on the outside It also made me realize that I had forgotten how to ldquoplayrdquo I really did feel like a playful child during the exer-cise and I cannot think of the last time that I experienced such a feeling
Since the WOR I have stepped up my recov-ery process I attend weekly groups and keep in regular con-
tact with a few fellow WOR partici-pants I have also bought many self-help books started journaling and increased my time on the MaleSur-vivor forums
I see a dramatic difference in my-self since the WOR I feel more positive and more at peace I can also talk more freely about the abuse and no longer feel shame The bottom line is that I have moved from being a victim to being a SURVIVOR
Words cannot express my gratitude to the WOR team and my fellow survivors I really appreciate the individual chats and felt that every-one was genuinely interested in my recovery Thank you I love you all
ldquoThe shame busting
exercise was also
incredible It is one
thing to talk about
creating intimacy it is
another to learn how to
do it activelyrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 16
high schools were resistant to al-lowing staff members to enter their school and provide educational programs Having a male on staff proved to be beneficial and the program grew rapidly Fortunately mdash and unfortunately mdash the media be-gan writing articles about me and the educational programs Once the Ministry folks became aware a man was on the payroll of the cen-tre my position was terminated I was told that funding was specifi-cally designed for women to pro-
vide services for women To the credit of the crisis centre they had me volun-teer for six months until they could se-cure funding from the local United Way They seemed less concerned about a man wanting to pro-vide services to peo-ple in need
History was being made We became the first sexual assault crisis centre in Canada to open a separate satellite office for a
menrsquos program This was not something celebrated by all crisis centres I was asked to advocate for men but to keep quiet at the same time The program became very successful and more and more male survivors were asking for ser-vices Unfortunately in 2002 the local United Way decided to reduce their support after having a trou-
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
The Circle of Compassion
By Tom Wilken
T hanks to Dale English of the MaleSurvivor newsletter for asking me to write an article
about my experiences working with male sexual abuse survivors in Can-ada As an advocate it seems like the journey of working with survi-vors has many societal obstacles but we are moving forward slowly but surely I often wonder why it is so challenging for Canadians to include male survivors into the circle of compas-sion
In 1991 I accepted a role with the local sexual assault crisis centre and attended one of their training programs On the first day the female facili-tator looked at me and said ldquoyou must be a brave manrdquo I had no idea what she was talking about at the time but I sure do now For the next eleven years I was employed in an adversarial political roller coaster ride that made advocating for men a daunting task Nevertheless I am very thankful for that opportunity I started as a part-time support worker counseling men My posi-tion evolved and included the role of an Education Co-Coordinator The crisis centre found the local
bling fund raising year Since the gender of the clientele was male the crisis centre was unable to top up funding and the male program was removed from the services of-fered by this crisis centre This may sound discriminatory and perhaps even a human rights issue because it is In Canada we pride ourselves in celebrating diversity but unfor-tunately that does not always in-clude the needs of male survivors
Something exciting happened in 2002 Health Canada asked me to update their ldquoAdult Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse - Overview Pa-perrdquo which was distributed throughout the country by the Na-tional Clearinghouse on Family Vio-lence Until that point in time the Overview Paper was predominately written about the concerns of fe-male survivors without any equality for the concerns of male survivors There was some resistance voiced by a crisis centre about a man writ-ing about both genders but Health Canada took a chance and re-quested I complete the Overview Paper that spoke to the similarities and differences regarding the re-covery process of both genders This paper was considered success-ful and a second printing was needed to meet the requests by Canadians This was so rewarding for me and it helped me to realize that there is hope for male survi-vors
Facilitating groups for male survi-vors was an exciting part of my role at the crisis centre Being with men who are being ldquorealrdquo and sup-
ldquoThe Canadian
government has known
for years that 37 of
sexual abuse survivors
under the age of 21 are
male however they do
not open their hearts for
male survivors and
welcome them into the
circle of compassionrdquo
February 2009
Page 17
ple as well The main difference was they responded to their woundedness in a different fashion It is estimated that on any given day there are over 100000 people on probation in the province of Ontario It is also estimated that up to 80 of these folks may have been sexually abused This equates
to 80000 sexual abuse survivors who are on probation most of whom are male We also know that 59 of people in prison are sexual abuse survivors Sadly probation officers are not trained in sexual abuse recovery issues It is interest-ing to note that I work with more male survivors as a Probation Offi-cer than when I worked at the crisis centre When people are not given healthy outlets for expressing their anger it can manifest in less desir-able ways
I started the ldquoWe Want to Knowrdquo project in 2003 which was partially sponsored by the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness and the now
porting one another throughout the healing process is truly a magi-cal experience The men receiving services were both grateful and angry They were grateful to be receiving services but angry these services were not available when they were younger They wondered why so many other male survivors
are not given the same opportunity to heal Seven men from group consented to having their healing journey documented during thirty weeks of group counseling Thus the book Rebuilding Your House of Self Respect Men Recovering from Childhood Sexual Abuse first edi-tion was in the works
In 2002 I accepted a position as a Probation Officer with the Ministry of Community Safety and Correc-tional Services After working with victims for over a decade I won-dered if the adjustment to working with offenders was possible It did-nrsquot take long to realize that people who offended were wounded peo-
closed Windsor Family Forum We were able to fulfill the dream of the seven courageous men from group by distributing copies of the RYHSR book to agencies throughout Can-ada
Millions of dollars are spent in Can-ada for sexual assault crisis centres and other programs for female sur-
vivors These valuable programs for women are underfunded but un-fortunately there are rarely any services specifically for men The Canadian government has known for years that 37 of sexual abuse survivors under the age of 21 are male however they do not open their hearts for male survivors and welcome them into the circle of compassion
In 2007 the Diocese of London Ontario provided funding for my business Hope amp Healing Associ-ates and the Silence to Hope (STH) project was born The Diocese in-creased their funding from $30000
(Continued on page 18)
A Circle of Compassion (uncredited photo)
Vol 2 No 2
Page 18
material to the Ministry of Commu-nity Safety and Correctional Ser-vices the Ministry of Children and Youth Services Victim Services the Ontario Provincial Police and other various other agencies Over 1500 free copies of the second edition of my book Rebuilding Your House of Self Respect Men Recovering in Group from Childhood Sexual Abuse are being distributed to sur-vivors and agencies working with male survivors Lynne MacDonell has received funding from the Arch-diocese of Toronto and is assisting male survivors in central Ontario Her Help amp Hope Project is similar
to the STH project
The STH project was fortunate to partner with Howard Fradkin of MaleSurvivor and his Weekend of Re-covery facilitation team who came to Canada in November 2008 This was quite a treat for Canadian male survivors The expertise of the Frad-kin team provided a
high-caliber experience not nor-mally available to Canadians The feedback from participants indi-cated these men felt truly blessed to be part of this experience In 2009 I hope to write a workbook for male survivors that will accom-pany the second edition of the RYHSR book Ellen Campbell and the CCAA plan to partner with the STH project and provide free cop-ies of this workbook as part of a joint education and awareness pro-gram I am presently updating a Directory of Services for Health
in 2007 to $60000 in 2008 to $75000 in 2009 Thanks to the generosity of the Diocese we are able to provide support groups information and referral services education and awareness pro-grams The Diocese not only wanted us to help males who were victimized by priests but any male survivors
In the early stages we recognized that our communities were not pro-viding a safe and supportive envi-ronment for men to step out of isolation Various agencies were con-tacting me and shared their frustra-tions about not hav-ing places to refer men who were sexu-ally abused as chil-dren It became pain-fully evident how un-educated Canadian service providers are on the needs of men and sexual abuse One of the main focuses of the STH project is our education and aware-ness program and group facilita-tion
As sad as the present situation is for male survivors we are making progress The STH project has part-nered with agencies throughout our area and two agencies from our bigger cities are providing group facilitation on a year round basis We are partnering with the Cana-dian Centre for Abuse Awareness (CCAA) and providing educational
Circle of Compassion (Continued from page 17)
Canada and the National Clearing-house on Family Violence called Combining Voices This directory lists all agencies throughout the Country that provide services to male and female survivors
ldquoCollective denialrdquo is strong throughout Canada but there is HOPE There seems to be an im-portant shift in thinking taking place Several years ago the topic of working with male survivors was not to be spoken about however people are now more receptive to exploring the needs of a much ne-glected portion of the population More men are requesting services and more group counseling oppor-tunities are presenting themselves It appears that more and more Ca-nadian agencies are starting to rec-ognize the importance of including male survivors into the circle of compassion Every time we have articles in the media more men seem to come out of isolation My biggest concerns include the lack of funding by the government If this topic is not talked about and if a safe and supportive environment for men is not created men will go back into silence and isolation This work seems to be driven from the ldquobottom uprdquo and not the ldquotop downrdquo We need good men and women to talk more openly about the needs of male survivors ldquoCollective denialrdquo thrives when good people keep silent Survivors are not living in total isolation they are fathers brothers husbands workers community members and they are valuable human beings
We are proud to join MaleSurvivor in making this world a better place
ldquorsquoCollective denialrsquo is
strong throughout
Canada but there is
HOPE There seems to
be an important shift in
thinking taking placerdquo
February 2009
Page 19
This Boyrsquos Life
By Jordan M
M y life began as any other a happy boy in a happy nuclear family It
was a time when my biggest worry was my brother threatening to tattle on me for sneaking a cookie up to bed I was young and the life I was living was exactly how it should have been carefree and devoid of the messy thoughts and situations which I would soon come to know all too well I was a boy and without trying to sound too clicheacuted I was innocent Pure
My parentsrsquo nasty divorce popped that bubble I loved my family more than anything and the di-vorce ripped us apart Mom and Dad were too busy fighting each other to notice anything that was happening with me or my siblings We were pushed aside used as bargaining tools I felt like a pawn Mom convincing us that Dad was a bad guy Dad convincing us that Mom was to blame Being the third child of five I was lost I withdrew and I stayed as far away from any sort of family situation as I could I didnrsquot know whom to trust
Time passed and things leveled and Mom married again but her taste in men had changed since Dad Her new husband seemed to hate children and he made sure that was known He was a violent man and my family and I paid the price I felt more lost than ever I was all alone in a hell that I was not prepared for Looking for some
kind of calm in this storm I started spending more time with Dad on his farm
Dad had met and moved in with another woman as well and unlike my new step-dad I liked her I thought that this could be my escape I could stay with Dad and be safe Go back to being a kid again Live that normal life I used to have
Not only did Dadrsquos new girlfriend move in so did her brother mdash my new step-uncle of sorts He was great The coolest guy Irsquod ever met We got along he played with me we watched mov-ies we went out we did everything He paid attention to me and I sud-denly felt less alone He was that person whom I could trust He was the man who would help me through all this crap at home He was the one that cared I didnrsquot just have a new step-uncle I had a new friend a new guardian someone who was there for me I latched on I bought his trick mdash hook line and sinker
The sexual abuse began and after the initial shock frankly I got used to it Although I hated it he as-sured me it was ok This is what should be happening between a 12 year old boy and 32 year old man who have a special relationship like
the one we did I believed him All I had to do was comply with his sexual desires and he would remain there for me I was willing to pay that price to keep this man in my life Somewhere in the back of my little mind I knew it was wrong but
I wouldnrsquot tell a soul It was our little secret our special relation-ship Nobody could know but us
It went on for years and for years I grew more and more dis-tant from people from myself and from the world I attempted a few times to get away but there was no where to go Either I live in an abusive hell with Mom or I cater to my step-unclersquos desires at my
Dadrsquos Which is the lesser evil
I went back and forth from house to house each time growing a little more resilient a little harder Time went on and I wasnrsquot that little boy anymore Age was on my side now and I wanted it to stop
Mom did get rid of the mistake she married after a while but soon found a new one and I promised myself that I would not stand for another day in this hell The first time this new guy laid a hand on me I gave Mom an ultimatum him or me She chose him I was gone
(Continued on page 20)
In the First Person
ldquoAlthough I hated [the
abuse] he assured me it
was ok This is what
should be happening
between a 12 year old
boy and 32 year old
man who have a special
relationship like the one
we did I believed himrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 20
been chasing me the whole time and it was catching up
The lure of the big city called me and I began spending nights and weekends in Toronto Attempting to end the emptiness I began searching for ways to fill it I got hooked on drugs became an ad-dict I became hard Mean Nothing could touch me Fear couldnrsquot stand in my way The worst had already happened I thought what I was feeling was freedom but free was the farthest thing from the truth I was trapped trapped in anger and guilt and shame
The deep desire to be taken care of continued to force its way to the surface and take on new extremes My cutting habit that I had devel-
I left home at 16 I figured that anything was better than staying where I was This was going to be a new start for me It was going to be different this time I promised myself that I would make it
I was wrong Again
Life on your own at 16 is not an easy one mdash new city no friends barely any money Schools wouldnrsquot accept me apartments wouldnrsquot let a kid occupy a unit I was alone I was really alone this time It took
time but I eventually managed a bit of a life for myself and was able to get through high school but it didnrsquot come easy My past had
This Boyrsquos Life (Continued from page 19)
oped as a young teen had ex-ploded and I began to brutally beat myself in hopes that somebody would notice maybe take me to hospital Take care of me It didnrsquot work It never worked There was only one thing that worked sex
Hustling made me feel powerful Men would pay to be with me Itrsquos all I felt I was good at seducing men And it was a power that I so badly thought I needed As bad as I was treated the glimpse of con-trol that I felt was enough to keep me going back But all I was doing was allowing myself to be abused
over and over again It just lead me further and further down
The years passed and I lost all feeling I forgot how to feel I knew
A Sliver of Light copy 2009 Timothy Andrew
February 2009
Page 21
only three emotions happiness sadness and anger And it was the anger that consumed me Anything could set me off I was a ticking time-bomb I began to wonder if any sort of normal life would ever happen for me
I was ready to give up to accept that this was what God had planned for me but somewhere inside that messed up 20 year old head of mine there was a sliver of light the same light that was there when I was a child the light that only had to worry about sneaking a cookie up to bed And I knew that that tiny glimpse of light was the real me If I could find a way to broaden its beam I would be able to peel back all the layers of abuse and discover who I really am
I searched I called crisis lines I went to free therapy sessions I attempted to try to understand why I was like I was but I kept hitting dead ends Nobody seemed to know how to help me me a male survivor
Nothing would last The little help I did receive all faded All I really got were programs and information and books and flyers Then I found Lynne MacDonells number I called her late one night She agreed to meet with me and quickly got me
into her mens group ldquoA Time for Menrdquo
The group literally saved my life For the first time I knew I wasnt alone There were other men who had been through what I had been through and they genuinely cared for me It has been over three years
now and it is still difficult Although I have put an end to the coping mecha-nisms mdash the drugs and the cutting mdash itrsquos the feelings that still manage to give me a struggle As survivors we have to sort out our insides Our guts Our feelings All that stuff was ripped out mixed up and thrown back in when we were abused We have to retrain our brains learn how to think how to feel how to trust how to love At times I feel like Irsquom an emotional infant as if my body kept
growing after my uncle abused me but my mind didnrsquot That was the main issue when I finally decided that I needed to be on the path of recovery So I focused and I began
I look forward to those two hours every Monday night because I know I can say and share anything I want and I will not be judged I am safe there I am safe to peel back those layers of abuse and discover the real me who I was really meant to be not this husk of
a human being that I had been living as for so many years
Since joining the group I have finished university got my degree I am free of drugs and self-harming I have a good job and a much healthier lifestyle and I have come out with my secret about sexual abuse
I am not ashamed of who I am anymore It is a long and tough uphill battle and it is still far from over but I know that I have plenty of people helping me fight this battle Our group is more that just a support group We are a family a brotherhood of survivors deter-mined to help each other and spread the word
It was hope That light the real memdashit was hope As survivors some-times all we have to go on is hope and that is why we need to remem-ber that there is ALWAYS hope There never needs to be a dead end That tiny sliver of light exists in all of us you just have to find it
ldquoAs survivors
sometimes all we have
to go on is hope and
that is why we need to
remember that there is
ALWAYS hope There
never needs to be a
dead end That tiny
sliver of light exists in
all of us you just have
to find itrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 22
My Story
by Bruce M
A s I start to write this article I find myself sitting in front of the house where I was
first sexually abused I donrsquot know why I am here but I am Perhaps it is my way of being in control which I certainly wasnrsquot for a very long time It was really not that long ago before I avoided this area of the city entirely mdash never mind sitting on the street in front of the home where I was sexually as-
saulted
I am now 42 years old and have a partner who supports me more than I could have ever asked for I am in love and
although I thought I loved others before now I really know what love is For many years I was so secretly dysfunctional that most people were under the impression that I had it all together but that was furthest from the truth I was a good actor
I grew up in a middle class suburb of Toronto I was the youngest of three kids I was diagnosed with ADD and was given Ritalin to ldquosettle me downrdquo I think that Ritalin was an easy out for my parents I needed more one on one interac-tion and understanding rather than a drug regimen which suited their
needs I clearly remember my pe-diatrician back then coaching my parents on what I needed mdash and many of his recommendations went ignored In their minds it seemed that all I needed was Ritalin
I had very few true friends Most people found my hyperactivity to be too much My mother was a practicing alcoholic (thankfully sober for about 28 years now) and my father was nothing short of physically abusive mdash mainly to my sister and me but also to my brother from what I understand My father had out-bursts of rage during which he would beat me with a dog leash and his fist Once he shoved my head down a toilet and told me that is where I belonged I donrsquot know if many people could appreciate how horrible it was to be told that As long as I live I will never for-get how I felt when he said that
When I was 12 years old I was enrolled in basketball That year I excelled and my team ended up winning the champion-ship This was a great confidence boost that I really needed I had finally found something that I was good at The second year was not so great My assistant basketball
coach was a sexual predator who saw a shy and troubled boy in me and decided that he would look after his own needs This guy was a medical doctor so he knew what he was doing and started what I now understand was a very intense grooming process He talked to me about my hyperactivity my motherrsquos alcoholism and my fatherrsquos abuse As I remember back he brought these things up often while he was getting to know me
After a period of time he invited me to his home one day on the pretence of my coming over to rake leaves Once there he invited me to his basement where he
Moving On
Bruce M
Bruce M during the time of his abuse
February 2009
Page 23
matum He said that if I would not come to his house we could no longer be friends I donrsquot know how I did it but I decided that I did not want to go to his house and that was the end of that I now know that he went on to find an-other victim
For nearly the next two decades I struggled with life To add insult to injury I knew that I was a gay male and after the abuse I figured that this was what a gay relation-ship was like and I didnrsquot want it I lacked direction with almost everything I did For a while I was practically homeless because I was staying with one friend after another putting myself in situations where I could be abused again and again I was con-stantly haunted with
guilt because I was sure that the man who abused me was abusing other boys
Finally one day I came forward and told the police about my abuse They charged this man and I quickly learned that this perpetra-tor was one of the nastiest that I have come across to this day He had deep pockets and fought ruthlessly I was followed by private investigators my friends were approached by private investigators
made it clear that his gentle kind supportive ways would have a cost to me I remember hating the experience This disgusting smelling man was more than repulsive Would you believe that I went back Well I did Most other vic-tims of sexual abuse will under-
stand why better than those who have not been there I wanted to be cared for and listened to so badly that for a while I just put up with the abuse This guy came to my school at lunch and let me drive his car around the back streets I was too young and imma-ture to realize that this was not a kind gesture but more grooming that would give him access to what he wanted Eventually he got an-noyed that I would avoid going to his house so he gave me an ulti-
for interviews and he hired some of Canadarsquos best attorneys to get him out of his charges When I went to court to testify at a prelimi-nary trial he had people there to threaten me in the halls of the court and the bathrooms The criminal case went on and on and eventually to the Supreme Court of Canada for a ruling about my con-sent All in all it has been a very intense process which went on so long that the case was thrown out because of delay He is still not out of hot water because the College of Physicians and Surgeons went after him and I had to testify at that hearing too which is still going on to this day
Last fall I completed my third Weekend of Recovery and al-though I have been in private ther-apy for close to four years and have been a part of a menrsquos group in Toronto nothing compares to the results that I achieved from attending the Weekends of Recov-ery The weekend program and the connections that I made with other guys and therapists have been instrumental in giving me a push forward allowing me to have some happiness and a meaningful rela-tionship which I was never able to have before
Life is not perfect but I can tell you that it is so much better than it was a few years ago and it is getting better all the time
Bruce M during the time of his abuse
Vol 2 No 2
Page 24
nor injury well that was his cue He took me into a medical room and closed the door He examined my knee and soon the subject changed That was the first time that I was sexually assaulted
Over the years this repulsive man be-came my coach in both hockey and baseball He was a central figure at the arena and the base-ball diamond He was the one involved in all the fundraisers and came to be known as ldquothe guy who would do any-thing for the kidsrdquo Most of the parents loved him mdash but not mine He drank with parents partied with them all while he ldquotook carerdquo of us kids
The first time I was abused at the arena I told someone older than I I did so again when I was 15 What was I to do Neither time did the adults take appropriate action and you guessed it everything was swept under the carpet So I did the only thing I knew how to do mdash I stuffed it
Growing up was a difficult time for me because of the abuse and the fact that I suffered with ADHD and anxiety (undiagnosed at the time) My sisters did well in school how-ever I didnrsquot I would work my tail off get a ldquoCrdquo and then would be told to work harder or asked if I
A Victim No More
by Glenn Allan
M y name is Glenn Allan and I grew up in Stoney Creek Ontario Canada
By all rights I should have been dead years ago I am a recovering alcoholic and cocaine addict and I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse I donrsquot want my story to become an ldquoabuse or addiction-aloguerdquo so I wonrsquot get into graphic details or talk about every abusive situation
Please keep an open mind as this is my story
I was wel-comed into a loving yet dysfunctional family in February of 1964 I have four sisters
nine nieces and nephews two great-nieces and one great-nephew My story begins around the age of seven I loved skating and playing hockey I was always told ldquoYoursquove gotta practice to get betterrdquo and so I did I would play as much ice and road hockey as I could and my sis-ters would take me public skating It was at public skating that my abuser first spotted me and as-saulted me I fell during one of those skating sessions and hurt my knee My abuser was a skating monitor that day and when I needed medical attention for a mi-
were dumb My frustrations grew mdash if only they knew that there was a hurting little boy inside But I was a boy who was too afraid to say that he hurt or to cry mdash because ldquobig boys donrsquot cryrdquo I would get teased at home about being stupid or
asked ldquoWhy donrsquot you try harderrdquo
I couldnrsquot defend my-self verbally with my parents because that would have been ldquotalking backrdquo There were times when I would be so angry at them for picking on me for little things and I would think to myself ldquoYou are yell-ing at me for this while he (the abuser) is doing that to merdquo
Talk about frustration and built up rage I was a walking volcano I would fight all the time whether it was at school playing hockey or baseball it really didnrsquot matter why mdash all I knew was I was MAD
Over the years I slowly lost my self-esteem and self-worth I wanted to be anybody but me I idolized ath-letes like Bobby Orr Bobby Clarke and Pete Rose because of their dedication and work ethic Being a class clown I loved comedians (Steve Martin Richard Pryor Robin Williams Johnny Carson) and the entertainer in me loved singers (Elvis) and wanted so badly to be them Then maybe people would like me because there was abso-lutely no way anyone could really
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Glenn Allan
ldquoMy frustrations grewmdash
if only they knew that
there was a hurting little
boy inside But I was a
boy who was too afraid
to say that he hurt or to
crymdashbecause lsquobig boys
donrsquot cryrsquordquo
February 2009
Page 25
like or love me with the things my abuser had made me do
Because of the trauma of being abused I wet the bed until I was about 12 years of age which drained any remaining self-worth or self-esteem that I had left I was so embarrassed And then I had to tolerate ridiculous comments from people saying things like ldquoYou know that you are going to have to stop thisrdquo and ldquoYou are getting too old for thisrdquo No kidding really Did they think that I liked waking up in my own urine Did they not think that I wanted to stop Did they have any idea how their words hurt me Man oh man it was like that all the time They just didnrsquot think before they spoke
Frustrated and over-whelmed in my teens I finally found the ldquofriendrdquo that I had been looking for mdash first name ldquoALrdquo last name ldquoCOHOLrdquo I would be-come a whole new person when I drank booze and how I drank I found a brand new confidence I was somewhat funny when I drank dur-ing the early years of drinking however over time I became de-pressed and extremely angry I would fight in bars on a regular basis Then in December of 1987 I was stabbed outside a bar and nearly died Now you would think that being stabbed and nearly dy-ing would prompt a lifestyle
change or at the very least cause me to take a personal inventory of my situation and myself But not me I wore it as a badge of honour allowing the insanity to continue
It is said that if the drugs and alco-hol donrsquot kill you the lifestyle will During this time and over the years I was introduced to many criminals Their crimes ranged from murder assaults extortion and drug dealing to running massage parlours and prostitution mdash to just name a few One of my acquaint-ances was even a hired killer He
actually assassinated two reputed crime bosses in Ontario and is now serving a lengthy sentence for those and other killings
But I was drawn to their so-called power and complete disregard for the law Looking back on it I guess I was looking to reclaim the power
that was stolen from me by my abuser
In my early twenties I got a job working with Young Offenders as a Correctional Officer With the money I was making I bought a very nice sports car dated pretty women was extremely materialistic and yet I was never satisfied I worked in corrections for about four years During that time I also began my career in the world of entertainment as a voice impres-sionist and stand-up comedian as well as a co-host of a comedy tele-
vision show I had a tremendous ego and unknowingly had be-come rdquoThe Great I Amrdquo
After a couple of years I moved from comedy to producing and host-ing my own sports television program which aired for ten years I had so much fun and I was able to meet and interview some of sportsrsquo big-gest names
In my mid-20s when the alcohol wasnrsquot medicating my pain any longer I turned to
something stronger mdash COCAINE During a span of approximately ten years the combination of alcohol cocaine and all my poor choices cost me most of my jobs many of my relationships and all my money It drove me to criminal activity po-lice charges a conviction and a criminal record But most of all I
(Continued on page 26)
Alone Uncredited Photo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 26
was lost Glenn was slowly dying inside me I became depressed and despondent and I hated so many people But most of all I hated my-self
I had attempted suicide on a few occasions and I really and truly had a death wish I hated myself so much that on Friday January 16 1998 loaded with a supply of co-caine and booze I booked myself into a hotel room with no intention of coming out alive Friday night and Saturday passed with me drinking and getting high on co-caine After having more cocaine delivered to me on Sunday after-noon there was no turning back mdash or so I thought Approximately at midnight on Sunday I made my final decision mdash it was time for me to leave this stinking world I ingested enough cocaine to kill me and then I barricaded my hotel door and ripped the phone out of the wall I lay down on the bed defeated broken sad guilt-ridden ashamed depressed and scared yet so ready to die
Only Divine Intervention mdash some sort of miracle mdash can explain what hap-pened next The police came into my hotel room at just the right time on Sunday night and took me to the hospital Who called them how did they know to come to my room I donrsquot know Well thatrsquos not completely true Today I am a man of faith and as a Christian I know exactly who orchestrated my rescue
A Victim No More (Continued from page 25)
After a brief stay in the hospital I chose to enter the Hamilton Menrsquos Withdrawal Management Centre where I spent eleven days From there I entered an intensive addic-tion treatment centre for a six-week stay followed by a five and one half month stay at a recovery house
I have been clean and sober since Janu-ary 19 1998
I work the program of recovery intensely I was blessed with some incredible therapists who were able to break through my trust issues my rough exterior and my wall of comedy to allow me to heal I also became involved in the 12-Steps and other support groups through which I have found tremendous friendships and men-toring
Recovery is about making changes Al-though my abuser assaulted me until I was 15 years old I blamed him for all of my problems until I was 33 years old I had to change from being a pro-fessional blamer and liar to a man of responsibility character and in-tegrity It wasnrsquot easy however after many tears and lots of hard work life has gotten much better
Over time and through applying these principles I found peace se-renity and forgiveness and I also
learned how to love myself again Everything that was set in motion to harm me as a young man is now what drives me With Godrsquos help today I am able to live humbly honestly open-minded and willing to do whatever it takes to stay clean and sober while doing what I can to help others who face similar
struggles
Today I serve the Ca-nadian Centre for Abuse Awareness as the Director of the Southwestern Ontario office My mission at hand is to create a task force that will be responsible for build-ing a residential pro-gram for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
I am also the Execu-tive Producer and Host of three popular television programs Good News Sports The Edge and Living Clean Living Clean is the only live weekly interactive television program in Canada
that is designed to assist individu-als who suffer with addiction abuse andor mental illnesses
I also host The Glenn Allan Show on a local radio station in Hamil-ton ON Canada
As a motivational speaker my pres-entation entitled Youth Yak Live has enabled me to speak to thou-sands of youth nationwide since 2000 Through Youth Yak Live I
ldquoRecovery is about
making changes
Although my abuser
assaulted me until I was
15 years old I blamed
him for all of my
problems until I was 33
years old I had to
change from being a
professional blamer and
liar to a man of
responsibility character
and integrity
February 2009
Page 27
Male Survivor Groups (MSG)
By Robert Beacuterubeacute Co-founder MSG
M ale Survivor Groups (MSG) was created by a group of male survivors
of childhood sexual abuse follow-ing the death of a fellow survi-vor in Lon-don Ontario Canada The initial objec-tives were to foster cama-raderie and support for one another and also to obtain proper help
for survivors in the London area
Presently our aim is to help all male survivors and also to make our cause known It is open to all male survivors of childhood ado-lescent and adult abuse We have expanded and have supported the creation of groups across Canada and we are prepared to support the creation of groups throughout the World
Groups have been established in London Vancouver Sudbury and North Bay in Canada
Our beliefs
1 Our groups are for male survi-vors of abuse What is said in the group remains there What is stated must remain confiden-
have developed tremendous work-ing relationships with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police Ontario Provincial Police Crime Stoppers local police agencies young of-fender facilities churches self-help groups and alcohol and drug treatment centres
I also facilitate a weekly peer sup-port group for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
There was a time when I thought I would never get married and that no one could love me for who I am Colleen and I met in 1999 We both have similar pasts We both have worked through our abuse issues and are both clean and so-ber In 2001 my best friend and I married and we now have three beautiful children Ashley Brandon and Christopher Spending the rest of my life with Colleen and our family is a dream come true
The opportunity of sharing Godrsquos gifts and blessings with others is truly an honour and a privilege It is imperative that I never take these things for granted
If I can assist you or someone dear to you please donrsquot hesitate to contact me at the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness Ph 905-594-1581 or email glennccfaacom or visit these websites
wwwabusehurtscom wwwlivingcleanca wwwglennallanca
or write to me co CCAA 38 King St East PO Box 66614 Stoney Creek ON L8G 5E5
(Continued from page 26)
tial Anonymity is of the utmost importance unless the survivor has gone public But intimate details of the public person must also remain confidential Confidentiality must be assured
2 We are in the group to heal and to support each other
3 We are male survivors who want to heal and help others in the process We can be as young as 16 or as old as old can be
4 Our primary purpose is our own safe being Secondary purposes are the betterment of services for male survivors and the advancement of our cause
5 We fight on so that we may grow in solidarity
6 We are not a religious group We do use different models of functioning in our different sub-groups Ours is a healing group for more than one prob-lematic issue
7 We encourage partnerships with organisations businesses and agencies that foster the creation of services for male survivors of abuse
We have created a Facebook Group which is also open to FRIENDS who support our cause Our group is establishing partnerships with other male survivor groups in Canada and worldwide You can contact us through the Facebook page or by emailing me at berube55yahooca
Support Groups
Robert Beacuterubeacute
Vol 2 No 2
Page 28
The CCAA By Ellen Campbell [ellenccfaacom]
Founder and Executive Director Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness
A s some of you know the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness (CCAA) is a
national non-government charitable organization dedicated to eliminat-ing child abuse through advocacy education public awareness and prevention programs With help from community and corporate partners the CCAA provides accessible support healing and indi-vidual empowerment for adult survivors their fami-lies and caregivers through over 20 programs Those that listen to classic rock station Q107 in the To-ronto region will recognize us as their charity of choice through Derringerrsquos Thir-teen Days of Christmas campaign
Based in Newmarket On-tario the CCAA is an active and vibrant organization that in addition to its variety of program offer-ings is also involved in public safety advocacy That advo-cacy started with the early release from prison of one of the perpetra-tors in the Maple Leaf Gardensrsquo child sex abuse scandal Many surviving victims were traumatized again this time by the system The
CCAA went public with its concerns that day and the public safety advocacy program was born
Later the CCAA wrote a sweeping report titled Martinrsquos Hope named in memory of Martin Kruze (the first victim to courageously go public with the story of his abuse at the Gardens and who later tragi-cally took his own life) that made 60 recommendations for legislative and policy change to the criminal justice system These recommenda-tions were gleaned from round-
table discussions with over 150 front-line criminal justice system professionals crime victims and survivors To this day members of the Kruze family sit on the CCAA Board of Directors
After the initial public release of the Martinrsquos Hope report in the fall of 2003 I knew that if repairs were to be made to the criminal justice system advocacy would have to be accelerated That advocacy began in earnest in early 2006 with the hiring of John Muise a volunteer with the CCAA and previously a Toronto police officer with signifi-cant experience in legislative and policy advocacy The hire coincided with new political winds blowing in Ottawa The CCAArsquos full-time public
safety program was born
Relationships already in existence were strength-ened new ones were made and the CCAA intensified its advocacy with politi-cians stakeholders and other decision makers In addition the CCAA courted media attention recogniz-ing the opportunity to get our message out
That advocacy included the preparation of written briefs in support of testi-mony before a number of decision making bodies including several appear-ances before the House of Commons Justice Commit-tee
ADVOCACY REWARDED The last three years have brought success on a number of fronts Progress on the criminal justice reform front is rarely if ever the result of one person or just one organization advocating for
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoMartinrsquos Hoperdquo in Memory of Martin Arnold Kruze From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 29
government Although there are specific circumstances under which the age of consent is 16 (or 18) the general age of consent remained at 14 For many in the child protection
world this has been a shame of what is otherwise a devel-oped and civilized land The fight is finally over with the passage and Royal Assent of this legisla-tion in July of 2008 This is a victory for the many people that fought the good fight and most importantly this law allows prose-cution of those adult predators who choose to sexually exploit 14
and 15 year old children
Review of federal corrections policy
In 2007 the federal government ordered an independent review of the federal corrections and parole system The CCAA attended the announcement of that review and subsequently appeared before the review team and provided detailed written recommendations for change The final report included a number of recommendations that the CCAA provided including those contained in Martinrsquos Hope A rollout of some report recommen-dations has already started includ-ing a pilot project for the use of electronic monitoring on serious and violent offenders who are on parole in communities
(Continued on page 30)
Dangerous offenders Having someone declared a dan-gerous offender is very difficult to do In fact there are fewer then 400 declared dangerous offenders in the country This amendment makes it easier to bring a dangerous offender application for a serious repeat con-victed offender before the court The end result should be we hope the detection and declaration of more dangerous offenders Dangerous offender designation is for life and results in indefinite lock-up of the offender with periodic judicial reviews
Community protection orders
Also known as ldquoSection 810rdquo orders they allow the state to monitor the activities of certain subjects mdash no longer under some form of sen-tence or other judicial release but still considered a danger mdash to be placed on a judicial order similar to a bail with control and monitoring conditions The legislation explicitly expands the controls that can be usedmdashfor example electronic moni-toringmdashand extends the length of the order from one year to two
Age of protection For longer than people care to remember advocates have fought to raise the general age of consent from 14 to 16 years of age Until recently those voices have been largely ignored by the federal
change but no one can deny the important roll played by the CCAA in advancing these reforms These are all original recommendations contained in the Martinrsquos Hope report The results as they say speak for themselves and include but are not limited to the follow-ing
Mandatory minimum sentences for Internet chi ld abuse offences
Over time courts have increasingly relied on so called ldquohouse arrestrdquo provisions (see section immediately below) when sentencing offenders found guilty of Internet child abuse and similar kinds of serious child exploitation offences The sen-tences were often way out of pro-portion to the gravity of the crimes Minimum sentences were legislated for a variety of crimes with the net effect of eliminating the ability of the court to impose ldquohouse arrestrdquo
Conditional sentences of imprisonment
Better known as ldquohouse arrestrdquo this measure brought in over a decade ago was being imposed by the courts for ever more serious of-fenders and offences Many violent and dangerous offenders were allowed to serve their term of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo at home Justice and public safety were compro-mised by this provision Although the Bill that finally passed was watered down significantly by opposition party demands the end result was a tightening of the cir-cumstances under which a sen-tence of this kind could be given
ldquoAfter the initial public
release of the Martinrsquos
Hope report in the fall
of 2003 I knew that if
repairs were to be made
to the criminal justice
system advocacy would
have to be acceleratedrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 30
munity committees and inquiries including the Federal Inquiry pre-sided over by Justice Major into the Air India bombing
Moving forward We are delighted to report that John Muise our Director of Public Safety has recently received a Governor-in-council appointment as a full-time member of the Na-tional Parole Board effective in May of 2009 Although this is a big loss
for the CCAA we are thrilled for John and we know that he will bring the same com-mitment to public safety in that position as he did with the CCAA We wish him the very best in this new and challenging role
Much progress has been made in the past three years with
more anticipated The federal gov-ernment has signaled its intention to finish the work it started and attempt a further repeal of condi-tional sentences of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo They have also said that they in-tend on amending certain aspects of parole legislation and moving on tightening up security (including drug interdiction) in federal prisons
As we kick off 2009 the CCAA has the following priorities
Enhanced training for law enforcement off icers involved in chi ld abuse
investigations The introduction of provincial ldquosafe havenrdquo legislation that would pro-
vide a distressed mother who has given birth (within 72 hours) to take her baby to a place of safety (for example fire station police station hospital emergency) no questions asked and drop the baby off The purpose is to avoid the unthinkable mdash dumpster aban-donment murder at birth This legislation exists in all 50 of the United States but has yet to to be introduced in this country
Parole reform In addition the CCAA will work with partners on two parole and corrections recommendations They include legislating breach of parole as an offence for which a police officer has a power of arrest Com-plimentary to this the replacement of statutory release (automatic release after serving two thirds of a sentence) with regular earned parole Both recommendations were included in the final report of the Corrections Review Team and had been provided with others by the CCAA
We at the CCAA believe that much has been done on the criminal justice reform and public awareness front We are grateful for the pro-gress thus far and proud of the part we have played in moving the public safety agenda along
There is still much work to be done and the CCAA will step up to carry on this most important work
Selection of judges In recognition of the importance of the justice selection process the federal government has recently expanded the scope of people selected to sit on the regional Judicial Advisory Committees tasked with vetting potential ap-pointments and providing recom-mendations to the federal Attorney General and Minister of Justice for final selection Although still dominated by judges and lawyers a wider variety of voices and minds is now part of the selection proc-ess This is welcome news I am one of those voices I sit on one of the regional committees itrsquos an appointment we can all be proud of
Gun crime and other victim focused matters
Although outside the specific man-date of the CCAA (and not included in the Martinrsquos Hope report) in recognition of the impact on com-munities and particularly at risk children and youth the CCAA also appeared before the House of Commons Committee in support of mandatory minimum sentences for serious gun crimes and for amend-ments that tighten up the bail system for those charged with serious gun-related offences
In addition several crime victim supportive briefs were prepared for a number of safe school and com-
The CCAA (Continued from page 29)
ldquoWe at the CCAA hellip are
grateful for the progress
thus far and proud of
the part we have played
in moving the public
safety agenda alongrdquo
February 2009
Page 31
higher than its current statistical significance would suggest I would suggest itrsquos about one in four of the men I deal with 25 compared to the 16 suggested in the cur-rent literature If you allow for the fact that many of the men I work with have come from dysfunctional families that have been dysfunc-tional for generations the higher rate of incidence will hardly be surprising
I really had no idea when I started this job that I would have a head-
on collision with CSA No idea at all I was in my pre-survivor life My own past experi-ences were like a dormant volcano Sure some smoke would puff out every now and then for no readily apparent rea-son but no major eruption But as I heard more and more stories told by men in their own abyss of despair and self loath-ing things started to bubble within me
I remember the first man who disclosed to me He did not really intend to He started to tell part of a story and I just knew I just knew What he did say was part of an institutional abuse situa-tion that gained public awareness in the media After that story broke many men came forward as well to tell their story of how they too were abused as boys in a school
Inside
By Geeders (Jim)
W hen I was first asked to write about my experi-ences working in a jail I
wasnrsquot really sure what I could say about it Can I say this or should I say that Was it going to be really negative or show promise of better days ahead And what about me mdashthe new me mdash dealing with issues of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) at the same time as the men I see and work with How the hell was (or is) that going to work Well it is a work in progress after all and one that seems to evolve as I change and as I become more comfortable with my own sense of a new self
Let me begin by saying that there is nothing in this article that would meet the rigours of clinical dissection Equally important I do not work with sexual offenders What I am going to say is purely my experience based on personal observation No scientific analysis can be attributed to it apart from what we already know or suspect One in six men will have been sexually assaulted or abused by the time they are 18 It has long been opined that the number of abused men is actually
setting that was really a cover for juveniles in trouble with the law
The inmate I was working with did not come forward at that time He couldnrsquot His disclosure to me was the first time he had ever said anything about his abuse No one else knew mdash no one He was alone His pain was palpable and obvious His shame and guilt were profound Never had he admitted to himself what had happened in that school let alone admitted to a total stranger until that very moment I listened to his pain tried to console him just let him cry Eventually over the course of a couple of interviews it became obvious to me why he was in jail Any self-esteem that he had as a boy or young man was destroyed by his abuse His very essence was rewritten by the men who had abused him Teens get into trouble but they can also learn to later stay out of it by fol-lowing the teachings of those they trust But for this young man his ability to trust was destroyed by the very people who were sup-posed to care for him nurture him and dare I say it love him appro-priately What was even more tragic is that this man came from a cul-ture that has low tolerance for anything that even remotely resem-bles homosexuality
Being abused sent this man on a downward spiral that ultimately turned him into a drug addict by his own admission a junkie who hated himself for what ldquohe had
(Continued on page 32)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoOver the course of
several related careers I
have seen a lot of good
being done Irsquove also
seen a lot of ugliness
that even by todayrsquos
standards defies the
most common
sensibilities we have as
human beingsldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 32
donerdquo His shame and guilt and culture prevented him saying any-thing about what happened It cut him off from any legal action that might take place and removed any sort of financial compensation that he might gain as a result of his abuse It eventually cut him off from his own family because his drug abuse prevented him from working and supporting his wife and family It destroyed his ability to be a good dad and husband A few years later I saw him back in jail again
When I did encounter him again it was with an in-creased sense of awareness within me Every time a man disclosed to me that he had been sexually abused or assaulted I started to die inside A little piece of me just died every time a man said to me what I could not say to myself or anyone else That dormant volcano started to fume a bit more regularly
Over the course of several related careers I have seen a lot of good being done Irsquove also seen a lot of ugliness that even by todayrsquos standards defies the most common sensibilities we have as human beings It exists Itrsquos around every corner if we choose to look at it Along with the ugly we have the good We have people who are willing to take a stand and come forward to say to the world ldquoWe
Inside (Continued from page 31)
have a problem here itrsquos not going to go away and it needs to be fixedrdquo I had the good fortune to meet many of these people last year at a conference on male sex-ual victimization By then I had been able to learn from the men that I serve that perhaps I too could learn to tell someone Could I be a survivor too
Men in jail are there for a reason Whether itrsquos to protect society while they await trial or from
themselves or while sentenced they are here Whether I think they should be here is irrelevant They are usually at the end of their ropes Their lives are upside down and in turmoil They are frequently in withdrawal from illicit drug use They are in the bottom of a pit from which there does not appear to be an escape or refuge They are desperate and will act desperately
if needed They are angry and no longer have any control over their lives Someone has taken that control away from them They have no choice but to comply Failure to comply results in loss of privileges which can include being prohibited from contact with those they love the most Forced co-habitation with other men can evoke strong memories of prior abuse which they cannot deal with let alone understand It can be isolation
They are alone and cannot speak about their issues for fear of being discovered and further stigmatized and trau-matized by a peer group that cannot tolerate differences or diversity
I have been fortunate in that for some reason men trust me and feel safe and able to disclose And when they do you can see the relief on their faces They are scared for sure but it has always seemed to be a relief I have to ask them I have no choice because itrsquos part of my job But now as a survivor myself I can tell them they are not alone I cannot tell them about me but I can tell them they are not alone that they
are among the approximately one in six men who are assaulted or abused when they are boys or young men I can tell them about the few resources we have avail-able for men which are a 100 improvement compared to what they had when they first walked into my office I tell them about MaleSurvivor and have MS posters up in my office I can tell them that
ldquoTougher than lsquoNamrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 33
Maybe not I prefer to think that I have shown them that there is hope There is life in being a survi-vor they donrsquot have to be held hostage any longer by a secret that was put upon them by an abuser I prefer to think that I have been able to show them that they do not have to be ashamed for being male When I speak with them Irsquom a straight shooter I calls rsquoem as I sees lsquoem I use words they can understand mdash street language mdash which helps them understand their bodies and to understand that Mother Nature made them to be reactive and responsive I tell them that simply because their bodies reacted that their bodies re-sponded while being abused did not make the abuse their fault It takes a while to get there at times But the relief when the penny drops and they realize that they themselves were in no way respon-sible for the abuse is quite remark-able
Just this week Irsquove been working with a man who actually smiled when he came into my office He said ldquoI finally get it It wasnrsquot my faultrdquo He then went on to tell me that immediately prior to his at-tending in my office he had just disclosed to his sister while on the phone in his jail area surrounded by other inmates While it was perhaps not the safest venue for a disclosure he made his own deci-sion He said he was taking control As a 35 year old this man has not been in control since he was first abused at age seven Subsequent abuse only reinforced for him that he was an object a thing not worth anything Relationship after relationship failed him as he con-tinued to relive issues of abandon-
there are over 6000 people regis-tered at MS and that when they get out they will find tremendous support at the MS website I can tell them about Weekends of Re-covery without disclosing that attending a WOR was one of the best things I have done with my life They will know that they are no longer alone And not once has anyone asked me directly about me If they did I could not reply which in a round about way is a reply But I cannot reply Why The institution that I work in can be as intolerant of differences and diver-sity as the inmates are of each other The whole notion of male abuse and assault simply does not exist It is not spoken of It will not be spoken of mdash until now
Because abuse is now spoken of I have been able to create a support network for inmates and for myself Itrsquos a small step but a step never-theless Itrsquos spoken of now at a level never before reached in terms of official support and direction Support has yet to be defined but I have a mandate now to do a better job for male survivors Itrsquos on paper Itrsquos my goal
Safety of all concerned has to remain first and foremost mdash safety for the inmate safety for me With inmates disclosing to me often for the first time I am struck by what happens next A huge can of worms is opened And for what There is little safety here little opportunity to follow up The court system tosses these men around like dice One day they are here the next they are God knows where Have I done something that perhaps I shouldnrsquot have Maybe
ment physical and sexual abuse sexual orientation confusion anger management substance abuse domestic violence self respect low self esteem boundaries mdash these and much more impact upon this man daily But hersquos making a start Itrsquos another chance We all need them
I would be remiss to not mention the support of my colleagues Some of them do know about me and they have been tremendously supportive and understanding They too share a belief that it is possible for men to become survivors I cannot imagine doing this work everyday without their ongoing support I love you guys
The resources I refer to are few the Menrsquos Project in Ottawa The Gate-house in Toronto as well as local sexual assault centres I discovered on my own road to recovery that our local sexual assault centre does in fact offer services to men but does not advertise this due to the fear of being inundated with refer-rals They simply are not equipped to handle what surely lies out in my community When the report of the Cornwall Inquiry comes out later this year it is my belief that it will force our government our society to re-examine how its treatment of boys and men is provided Hope-fully those who are like I was feeling alone fearful uncomfortable in their own skin will feel more enabled to come forward to shed that skin that was put on them by their abuser(s) and step out of the ordinary letting their souls ascend and become free
Vol 2 No 2
Page 34
A History of Male Survi-vor Services in Queacutebec
and First Nations Communities
By Caroline Benamza (dance and drama therapistpsychotherapist at CRIPHASE)
And by Benoicirct St Jean (Director of CRIPHASE)
Contact Tel +1-514-529-55-67 Email infocriphaseorg
Website wwwcriphaseorg
T he latest statistics in Queacutebec show that one out of every six men has been sexually
abused before the age of 18 but there are very few statistics regard-ing male survivors and this estima-tion is only based on reported abuse Most adult men or boys who are survivors go unnoticed because most of the services in Queacutebec are exclusively for women In 2008 the male population in Queacutebec was about 3800000 of which about 3000000 are above 20 years of age (from the Institut de la Statistique) Therefore we can estimate that in Queacutebec there are around 500000 male survivors actually visible within the different health care services justice system and police departments The num-ber is already frightening for a seemingly peaceful society like Queacutebec When it comes to Native American communities as many as 80 of boys have been sexually abused before the age of 18 This number is quite similar mdash but for different reasons mdash to the male population within the Federal or Provincial prisons
The reality of male survivors of sexual abuse in childhood has remained in the dark for years in Queacutebec and it is only in the last four years that the government has acknowledged the necessity of funding counseling services for male survivors Historically it can be explained The first services for survivors have been developed since the 1960s within the very strong Queacutebeacutecois feminist move-ments The women have built along the years a strong network of ser-vices for female vic-tims of sexual abuse and domestic vio-lence Today these services still exist as the CALACS (Centres dAide et de Lutte contre les Agressions agrave Caractegravere Sexuel = Sexual Assault Cen-tres) network for survivors of sexual abuse Due to a strong belief in pro-viding a safe haven for women survivors men were turned away from these services and had nowhere to go Only two survivorsrsquo centres in the Montreal area outside the CALACS network welcomed men but those men represent only 5 of clients
This situation became obvious when the CAVAC (Centre drsquoAide pour les Victime drsquoActes Criminels = Crime Victims Assistance Centres) started to provide counseling ser-
vices to victims of criminal acts who wished to press charges and go through a court procedure The first services in Queacutebec for male survivors therefore came from a strong need in the society In 1996 the CAVAC decided to fund an experimental program directed by Denis Reneacute to offer a support group for male survivors This program was named the PHASE Groups (Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = For Men Sexually Abused in Child-
hood) With the suc-cess of these first groups between 1996 and 1997 the CAVAC of Montreal tried to secure funding for the continuation of services Unfortu-nately the PHASE Groups suffered from the double status it carried within the government the Minister of Justice that was the main funder of the CAVAC refused to fund a counseling service supposedly to be funded by the Health Minister Later the Health Minister turned down the
funding because as part of CAVAC the program should have been funded by the Minister of Justice
So it was in 1997 that Denis Reneacute decided to secure the future of the PHASE Groups by registering them
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoWhen it comes to
Native American
communities as many
as 80 of boys have
been sexually abused
before the age of 18
This number is quite
similarmdashbut for different
reasonsmdashto the male
population within the
Federal or Provincial
prisonsrdquo
February 2009
Page 35
intimacy and sexuality issues) and PHASE Artistique (a 10 weeks art and movement therapy program) with a holistic approach to body and mind recovery
In 2008 the very first weekend of recovery (named PHASE Weekend) was created and CRIPHASE wishes to make the weekend an annual event In 2003 for the first time
CRIPHASE became a full member of the Table de Concertation en Agressions Sexuelles (a gathering of several organizations providing services to survivors in addition to representatives from the Justice the Health Minister and the police) This cooperation allows a better understanding of survivor issues and needs as well as a better coor-
within a non-profit organization that took the name CRIPHASE (Centre de Resources et drsquointervention Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = Resource and Intervention Centre for Men who have been Sexually Abused in Childhood) For 10 years the Groups have survived on pri-vate funding and have provided two recovery Groups called PHASE 1 and PHASE 2 Each PHASE is a 10-week program serving non-offending male survivors over 18 years of age and of all sexual orienta-tions With its first public funding in 2004 of $38000 a director was en-gaged by the board of administration and in 2008 the PSOC (a funding body within the agency of Health and Social Services) fi-nally secured the future of CRIPHASE with a first major funding rooting CRIPHASE in the circle of sexual abuse survivors centres
Since 2006 CRIPHASE has devel-oped a major politics of visibility through the media conferences and meetings with the different actors of the Queacutebeacutecois stage Three more programs have been developed within CRIPHASE PHASE Conjoint (for partners of male survivors) PHASE Sexo (a 10 weeks program of recovery focusing on
dination of services on the ground From within the Table CRIPHASE has been able to educate people on the issue of male survivors and participate or initiate projects such as the Information Guide for Sexual Assault Victims and the first pre-vention mobilization and aware-ness march for sexual abuse survi-vors in 2008 The presence of CRIPHASE at the Table has also
allowed the feminists within the CALACS to have a better under-standing of the suffer-ing of male survivors who are also victims in their own way of an old patriarchal system CRIPHASE was also finally incorporated in the CALACS coordina-tion groupmdashcalled Table des CALACS mdash in 2008
Until 2008 there were no services provided in English (Queacutebec is a French-speaking province where Eng-lish speakers are a minority) due to lack of funding to translate the PHASE 1 docu-ments and employ English-speaking therapists The project
to offer groups in English had been put aside for years but finally in 2008 the first groups of PHASE 1 and 2 opened for English speakers The PHASE Artistique and PHASE Weekend are now bilingual pro-grams
(Continued on page 36)
Phone calls received at CRIPHASE
male survivors
therapists
relatives and loved ones
other
The average male survivor using the services at CRIPHASE is aged between 35 and 55
Vol 2 No 2
Page 36
Male survivors in the Native American
communities Recovery programs within Native American communities are only starting Many Native American men were sexually abused as well as psychologically and emotionally abused when they were sent to boarding schools across the province for assimila-tion The effects of this traumatic experience (including historic trauma) can be seen in all First Nations of Queacutebec Algonquians Cris Innus Abenakis Innuits Micmacs and so forth Today there is a strong need of heal-ing for this lost gen-eration but traumatic experiences and con-sequences have been passed on to the next generations Unfortu-nately sexual abuse is one of these problems which need to be addressed through prevention and coun-seling in a way that will integrate Native American traditions and their holistic ap-proach to medicine Such programs already exist within some communi-ties Organizations like GRIPMA (Groupe de Recherches et dInter-ventions Psychosociales en Milieu Autochtone = Research and Inter-vention group in Aboriginal Com-munities) located in the Huron
History of Male Survivor Services (Continued from page 35)
community of Wendake (near Queacute-bec city) provide a clinical expertise in intervention within Native Ameri-can communities On the other side the Aboriginal Healing Foun-dation based in Ottawa is currently funding 16 recovery projects for the First Nations in Queacutebec ad-dressing sexual abuse addiction prevention of suicide boarding schools trauma etc until 2010
Last year the publication of the five-year funding plan on sexual abuse by the provincial govern-ment of Queacutebec has seen the recognition of male survivors as a population in great need of ser-vices It has also recognized the necessity of providing services to the First Nations communities
Things are changing in Queacutebec for male survivors Because CRIPHASE is the only organization providing support and counseling to men in Queacutebec who have been sexually abused in childhood there is great hope for an increase of funding this year The constant develop-ment of CRIPHASE and the increase in phone calls and numbers of guys within the services (in 2008-
2009 there will be seven groups of PHASE 1 in-stead of five the year before) also show that men in Queacutebec are get-ting the right information on sexual abuse and services and are being encouraged to look for help and engage in re-covery
If you are one of these men in Queacutebec we are waiting for your call Remember you are not alone
For the annual march event please visit wwwmarchevasca (Information for the May 2009 march will be on line from February 2009)
Quilt Square by a Native Child from Alberta From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 37
MaleSurvivor is men surviving sexual abuse in Canada we will start with Canadarsquos sad legacy of abuse of children by clergy
A Brief Incomplete Canadian History
In Canada our First Nations People have had to bear the legacy of abuse they endured in Canadarsquos notorious residential schools Cur-rent issues of addictions and family and mental health problems amongst our First Nations people can be traced back to the legacy of abuse experienced by Native chil-dren in residential schools
Around 1874 the federal government began working with the churches (Catholic Anglican United and Presbyte-rian) to set up the Residential School System as a means to suppress Native cul-ture and promote assimilation In gen-eral children between the ages of five and 16 were taken from their parents and sent to church-run residen-tial schools The extent of the abuse in these church-run schools has been referred to as the ldquoCanadian Holocaustrdquo Recently the Canadian Government formed the Truth and Reconciliation Commis-sion (TRC) as part of the court-approved Indian Residential Schools Settlement Agreement The
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious
Leader By Nancy N Mayer MSW RSW
Partner Crisci amp Mayer Consultation Counselling and
Training Toronto wwwckmconsultationcom
Introduction
L ikely all the readers of this newsletter have knowledge and expertise about men
being physically sexually and emotionally abused Research tells us that abusers can come from any
walk of life and most often are known to the child or adult In the last decade abuse by clergy has finally ldquocome out of the closetrdquo so to
speak thanks to those brave survi-vors who have made public their experiences of being abused by clergy More than ever survivor groups are encouraging victims to report these crimes to the police and to consider seeking civil re-dress for their injuries Many groups believe that change in churches will only come when they are held accountable for the abuse perpetrated by clergy
This article will attempt to address the distinctive issues that are com-mon to this population of survivors Because the focus of this issue of
purpose of the commission is not to determine guilt or innocence but to create an historical account of the residential schools help people to heal and encourage reconciliation between Aboriginal and non-aboriginal Canadians
The notorious Mount Cashel Or-phanage is another Canadian leg-acy of sexual abuse by clergy This facility was operated in Newfound-land by the Christian Brothers More than a dozen priests were convicted after decades of abusing young boys at the orphanage
Mount Cashel Or-phanage closed in 1989 just six months after allegations of sexual physical and emotional abuse were published by the media (For more in depth information see Harris Michael Unholy Orders Trag-edy at Mount Cashel Ontario Viking Press 1990)
Like the US there have been hundreds and perhaps thou-sands of cases of children and vulner-
able adults abused by clergy in every religious denomination Unlike the US our country is not bound as strictly by statutes of limitations so lawsuits can proceed more freely Our sentences for convicted clerical sex offenders are
(Continued on page 38)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Nancy N Mayer
ldquo[First Nations] children
between the ages of five
and 16 were taken from
their parents and sent to
church-run residential
schools The extent of
the abuse in these
church-run schools has
been referred to as the
lsquoCanadian Holocaustrsquoldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 38
nowhere near as severe as those of our American neighbours Most first offenders will not serve a day in jail The civil awards for personal inju-ries are also quite low Our court system promotes set-tling these cases out of court When a case fails to go to trial it is not part of the public re-cord The widespread use of confidentiality orders media fatigue and Canadian reserve means that it is impos-sible to obtain accurate statistics on how often men are abused by clergy or even the ex-tent of the problem in this country
The Authority of Rel igious Leaders Religious organizations have always played a central role in our so-cieties They provide moral ethical and spiritual guidance Reli-gious teachings have given us a context and meaning for our lives Most religious belief revolves around a divine power or God Religious leaders (ministers priests rabbis elders nuns) are thought to be Godrsquos earthly repre-sentatives and are treated with reverence and respect They have intimate involvement with families and children at such vulnerable times as an illness death or other family crises They may have access
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 37)
to confidential information by virtue of their roles of confessor or counsellor A child brought up by religious parents is taught to re-spect these men and women Oth-ers associated with churches mdash choir leaders teachers cantors youth group leaders mdash are also considered trustworthy by virtue of their close
association with their religious organizations Most parents en-courage their childrenrsquos participa-tion in church-based activities believing them to be safe and wholesome
These leaders are considered to be esteemed authorities and as repre-sentatives of God wield a great deal of power Depending on the faith group there may be teachings
that support an unquestioning adherence to their instructions and guidance This makes children and vulnerable adults particularly sus-ceptible to exploitation by this group because they have access opportunity and trust
Misuse of Power Perpetrators can utilize their positions of power and trust to gain access to their victims some-times for extended periods of uninterrupted time They may tell children that they are being asked to ldquoserve Godrdquo or that they or their families will be punished if they do not do as instructed Chil-dren may be threatened with eternal damnation or blamed for leading the religious leader into sin If the religion con-siders premarital sex or same sex contacts as sinful the guilt will be compounded
In most cases the victim will not disclose or may disclose but not be
believed A child will have a difficult time convincing adults that he or she has been victimized The vic-timrsquos family culture or communi-ties have been socialized to see their religious leaders as unques-tionably good and incapable of lies This can lead to others denying or minimizing the victimrsquos experience of abuse The victim is initially harmed by the abuser and then is revictimized by those who cannot
ldquoMay Hope be Passed through Every Handrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 39
institutionrsquos response and lack of compassion and pastoral care
The Impact on Spir ituality
The frequently used term ldquosoul murderrdquo aptly describes what hap-pens when the abuser is a religious leader When the response of the religious institu-tion to a disclosure of abuse is experienced as self-serving and uncaring the survivor will likely lose his faith in the religious community of which he has been a part To belong and to feel connected is a basic human need When abused by clergy the loss of connection and belonging to what may have been a spiritual anchor can be devastating
To compound the harm the abuse may have occurred in a religious building The abuser may have worn traditional cleri-cal attire or may have made religious or biblical refer-ences As a result being exposed to religious symbols music or any other reminder can trigger flashbacks and other uncomfortable physical symptoms
The cleric is often considered Godrsquos representative on earth This gives the cleric power that surpasses his position and status When abuse is at the hands of a minister nun
accept that their spiritual leaders are capable of abuse There are many stories of clergy abuse survi-vors being abandoned by their religious communities (who side with the cleric) and their families who cannot face leaving the church that has given their lives meaning and comfort The resultant feelings of betrayal and abandonment are profound
The Role of the Religious Inst itutions
When religious institutions hold themselves up as ethical compasses and arbitrators of right and wrong society has an expectation that church leaders will act in a fair and moral way Many US Commissions and Grand Juries and Canadian reports such as the Winter Com-mission Report (Archdiocese of St Johns Newfoundland Canada 1990) Child Abuse in Community Institutions and Organizations and Improving Public and Professional Understanding (prepared for the Law Commission of Canada) all record and explain the dynamics that have lead to the failure of religious institutions to protect our children
While it is well known that any institution mdash educational recrea-tional or spiritual mdash is not immune from having sex offenders in its midst the religious institutions have a particular legacy of protect-ing the institution through aggres-sive legal tactics versus truth telling and reconciliation Many victims state that they have been less wounded by the actual abuse and profoundly more damaged by the
priest rabbi minister or elder the recipient of the abuse may experi-ence profound guilt for ldquoparticipatingrdquo in ldquosinfulrdquo behaviour mdash a mistaken belief that he is respon-sible for the abuse or shame that
he has ldquosinnedrdquo He may believe he is deserving of rejection or eternal damnation If he confesses he risks exposing the cleric who has likely done what he could to trick the victim into believing that he must maintain silence and secrecy One survivor describes feeling that rdquoIt was like being abused by God him-self If even God couldnrsquot love me how could anyone else ever love merdquo
These factors alone can leave a man who has been abused by clergy unable to find comfort and solace in what used to be his spiritual beliefs and his church Without these familiar beliefs the survivor is aban-
doned and alone when he most needs support
The Role of Gender While woman are ordained in some denominations there is still an imbalance of power between men and women in many religious tradi-tions For boys and men abused by male clerics embarrassment and
(Continued on page 40)
ldquoThe frequently used
term lsquosoul murderrsquo aptly
describes what happens
when the abuser is a
religious leader When
the response of the
religious institution to a
disclosure of abuse is
experienced as self-
serving and uncaring
the survivor will likely
lose his faith in the
religious community of
which he has been
a partrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 40
concerns of how they will be per-ceived promote silence For the boy or man abused by a female cleric there may be worries that he will be labelled the seducer or pres-sured to consider this ldquorelationshiprdquo as non-abusive
The study conducted by the John Jay Col-lege of Criminal Jus-tice regarding The Nature and Scope of the Problem of Sexual Abuse of Minors by Priests and Deacons in the Catholic Church (Washington DC USCCB 2004) found some very disturbing information about the age and gender of victims The largest group of reported victims (509) was between the ages of 11 and 14 273 of victims were 15 to 17 16 were eight to 10 and nearly 6 were under age seven Overall 81 of vic-tims were male and 19 female Male victims tended to be older than female victims Over 40 of all victims were males between the ages of 11 and 14
The largest group of reported victims in this study consisted of boys who were entering puberty This is a tumultuous time in most
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 39)
young menrsquos lives To have this period of development disrupted can contribute to many mental health problems including lack of confidence disruption of emo-tional sexual and psycho-social development isolation sexual identity confusion depression anxiety and abuse of substances
In Summary The harm experienced by those
who are abused by clergy is profound and multifaceted Some therapists will not want to work with survivors of clergy abuse due to the complexity of their issues their limited knowledge of the subject area possible religious biases and potential for litigation Most (but certainly not all) survivors will have experienced revictimization by their churches or religious institutions This compounded by abuse by a religious leader in a position of power will under-standably lead to unique challenges Survivors will have
significant trust issues that can impede the forming of a trusting therapeutic relationship with a therapist who will also be in a position of power and may be an employee of an institution With transparency and skill on the part of the therapist and tenacity on the part of the survivor effective thera-
peutic partnership can be achieved While recovery is difficult it is possible
The irony is that many survivors of abuse by clergy have a strong sense of integrity morality and perseverance They learned the lessons that the ldquoreligiousrdquo offend-ers failed to learn At the core of their beings these clergy abuse survivors are the prophets who have come to speak the truth and reveal the abuse and the decep-tions It is this desire for social justice truth telling belonging and connection that will allow a healthy spiritual belief system to rise out of the ashes of what has happened It is this healthy spiritual belief that makes many clergy abuse survivors persistent and tenacious in seeking recovery and social justice They are making a difference and chang-ing the world as we know it
ldquoThe harm experienced
by those who are
abused by clergy is
profound and
multifaceted Some
therapists will not want
to work with survivors
of clergy abuse due to
the complexity of their
issues their limited
knowledge of the
subject area possible
religious biases and
potential for litigationldquo
February 2009
Page 41
tion of it earlier in the lsquo90s but 1997 is when there was a critical mass of mostly male survivors coming forward and taking action against Maple Leaf Gardens Your question specifically was ldquoDid it play a role in my choice of ca-reersrdquo
MS Yes
SJ Yes and no The Maple Leaf
Gardens cases were not my first sexual assault cases but my in-volvement in these cases solidified my interest and desire to help sur-vivors
MS Could you take a few minutes to explain to our readers just what the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal was and why it has played a central role in revealing the extent of sex-ual abuse at least in the Toronto area
of my clients will say something like ldquoYou know this is not about the money I donrsquot care how much I get this is about something elserdquo And whatever that person seeks mdash an apology or the empowerment of filing a lawsuit or a million other unique things mdash that is why I do this kind of work Itrsquos about helping people through whatever process they need in order to begin that healing process the moving forward process
MS And also to provide your clients with a sense of justice
SJ Absolutely Justice is really not about the money itrsquos about the knowledge that theyrsquove come forward theyrsquove done something and theyrsquove empowered themselves It takes a tre-mendous amount of courage to do that I am always in awe of my cli-ents for the amount of courage they have They are my inspiration
MS Many Americans are unaware of the so-called Maple Leaf Gar-dens sex scandal that began some-time in the 1960s but didnrsquot come to wide public attention until 1997 the year after you began practicing law Did this scandal have some affect on your choice of career
SJ Actually the scandal did come to prominence before 1997 There was scattered media atten-
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 1)
SJ Sure There was a series of men who were employed at Maple Leaf Gardens which was the home of the Toronto Maple Leafs mdash the hockey club mdash who over a period of a couple of decades sexually abused probably hundreds of chil-dren It started in the lsquo60s it went on we believe until the early lsquo80s There were two principal men in-volved but there were at least three
others who also were ac-cused In order to under-stand why the Maple Leaf Gardens sex scandals are as important as they are you have to understand that hockey in Toronto and hockey in Canada is almost a religion Hockey is to Canadians what the NFL or Major League Baseball is to Americans Every little boy dreams of about becoming the next Wayne Gretzky becoming the best hockey player he can be Maple Leaf Gar-dens was the home of one of the best loved and biggest hockey teams mdash the Toronto Maple Leafs The Gardens was the high
temple of hockey in Canada and still is In the lsquo60s lsquo70s and even the lsquo80s children mdash mostly boys mdash would go to Maple Leaf Gardens usually unaccompanied by their parents because back then nobody really thought that anything bad would happen to them at the Gar-dens The boys would go there ei-ther for practice games or to watch the Maple Leafs play or more likely they would go to watch To-
(Continued on page 42)
ldquoMaple Leaf Gardens in Memory of Martin Kruzerdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 42
ronto Marlies games The Marlies were the farm team for the Toronto Maple Leafs During these games and these practices the pedophiles who worked at the Gardenrsquos would often befriend these boys seeking out boys who were more vulner-able than others most likely and would sexually assault the boys sometimes off-property but most often within the Gardens itself They would use their position as employees of the Gardens to be able to say to the boys if you come with me Irsquoll get you a broken hockey stick or hockey puck or Irsquoll get you into better seats the next game or whatever other type of inducement would be necessary to get the boys to go with them into either a washroom or a training room or other private place where the boys would be sexually abused
In 1997 there were about 50 or 60 cases all joined to-gether and Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Entertainment Ltd wanted to settle all the cases prior to the Toronto Maple Leafs moving into a new hockey rink called the Air Canada Center so as to have a clean slate at the new rink By and large a lot of the litigation was fin-ished before the team moved into the Air Canada Center but not all of it In fact there are probably 17 or 19 cases going through the court
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 41)
system today more than 10 years after the original large group of plaintiffs went through the court and I believe that new people will continue to come forward when they are strong enough
MS I understand that one of the principal plaintiffs in the case Mar-tin Kruze had settled with the owners or the operators of the Ma-ple Leaf Gardens in 1995 and that he signed a confidentiality agree-ment not to reveal the settlement
or perhaps even the details of what had happened to him Do you think that the confidentiality agree-ment Mr Kruze agreed to slowed down or hindered the full exposure of this scandal
SJ I think that any confidentiality agreement blocks public access to knowledge and to understanding so I do suspect that Martinrsquos confi-dentiality agreement did have some impact on the scandal re-
maining hidden for as long as it did Absolutely yes I believe that confidentiality agreements are in-herently difficult for plaintiffs be-cause they create and continue a cycle of secrecy Sexual assault is a crime that is almost always carried out in secret and the guilt and shame it produces is key in helping pedophiles maintain their hold over their victims Putting a confidential-ity agreement on a settlement just perpetuates the guilt and the shame
MS Unfortunately Martin Kruzersquos principal perpetrator received a shockingly light sen-tence for all his actions and I understand that this led to Martin com-mitting suicide shortly afterwards
SJ I would think that the perpetratorrsquos sentence was a part of why Martin chose to end his life yes It hap-pened relatively shortly after the sentencing and I suspect that it weighed heavily on Martinrsquos decision
MS Do you think that the sen-tence that the perpetrator received was a reflection of the then current attitude towards pedophiles and sexual abuse
SJ The sentence that the perpe-trator received was a reflection on the way that the Canadian justice system deals with criminals regard-ing personal crimes absolutely It was a very low sentence in keep-
Imants Kruze visiting his sonrsquos memorial quilt square in the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 43
obtain here versus how much they can obtain in the United States In the United States there is no cap for pain and suffering awards whereas here in Canada there is a very small cap mdash about $325000 If a survivor of sexual assault goes through the court system and even if they have a very good day in court in terms of compensation yoursquore probably looking at an award for dam-ages somewhere be-tween $200000 and $500000 Sometimes itrsquos actually less than $200000 and very very rarely more than $500000 so in that sense we are defi-nitely behind But I donrsquot think itrsquos a question of waiting 10 years to see if we ldquocatch uprdquo I think itrsquos just a fundamental difference in how our court system works and whatrsquos available to survivors in terms of compensation
If you mean that Canada is 10 years behind in dealing with other aspects of sexual assault then you are probably correct in terms of media attention public awareness and outrage Sexual assault is still largely an unreported unprose-cuted crime But things are getting better every day and as more and more survivors come forward posi-tive changes will continue to hap-pen
MS As Irsquom sure you know therersquos periodic discussion about tort re-
ing with what was handed out at the time and to a large extent itrsquos still in keeping with what is handed out right now
MS Are you still representing or have you represented anyone who is a plaintiff in this scandal
SJ I was very much involved in the core group of Maple Leaf Gar-dens survivors that came forward in 1997 I was on what was called the plaintiffsrsquo committee back then which was a group of a few lawyers who brought the litigation forward I represented a number of plaintiffs in the original group that came forward I have also represented quite a few men throughout the last 10 years and currently repre-sent two men in the last group of plaintiffs to come forward I have also been approached by at least two other men who may decide to pursue litigation
MS Dale English mdash who has spo-ken to you at some length mdash has said to me that either you or he or both of you have felt that Canada is perhaps 10 or more years behind the US in dealing with the issues of sexual abuse and sexual assault Could you elaborate on that com-ment
SJ I think it depends on what you mean by dealing with the is-sues If you mean dealing with the issues in terms of bringing civil cases forward to a certain extent we are behind One of the funda-mental differences between the United States and Canada is the way that our tort systems operate and specifically the amount of compensation that tort victims can
form in the United States mainly aimed at capping punitive dam-ages Irsquom wondering whether there is the mirror of that in Canada mdash whether therersquos any movement to-wards tort reform that would allow greater awards to victims
SJ Well there is and there isnrsquot In Canada itrsquos very difficult if not
impossible to get pu-nitive damages espe-cially if therersquos a criminal conviction The punitive damages that are available in Canada are very low A typical punitive damage award would be $20000 or $25000 - usually not much more than that So damages are quite restricted here in any event In terms of tort reform I think there is a global push by in-surance companies to
try to limit compensation whether in the States or here The things that the American Association of Justice are fighting for down in the States are the same things that the Ontario Trial Lawyers Association are fighting for here mdash the continued ability to sue for compensation un-hampered by legislative roadblocks benefitting powerful institutional defendants to the detriment of those who have suffered Ours is a much smaller playing field and therefore less money is at stake In terms of plaintiffsrsquo lawyers wersquore trying to maximize the compensa-tion that we can get for our client Every time we go to court we try
(Continued on page 44)
ldquoIf you mean that
Canada is 10 years
behind in dealing with
other aspects of sexual
assault then you are
probably correct in
terms of media
attention public
awareness and outrageldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 44
to get a higher damage award so that that case will be a building block for future cases There are always attempts to try to circum-vent the cap on pain and suffering damages that we have Itrsquos not an easy thing to do the cap has been in place in Canada for 32 years now It was put in place in 1977 by the Supreme Court of Canada and itrsquos unlikely to be overturned any-time soon Even though from a purely theoretical legal analysis that cap does not apply to pain and suffering damages for victims of sexual assault and sexual abuse the reality is that judges still use that cap as a high water mark even though it doesnrsquot formally apply mdash it is still a de facto cap and to be honest with you it is almost impos-sible to get anywhere near that cap for compensation for pain and suf-fering A typical pain and suffering award in Canada for childhood sex-ual abuse is somewhere between $100000 and $200000 Anything on top of that would be associated economic loss or care costs
MS Itrsquos quite unfortunate that even though therersquos no real cap the law behaves as if there were one
SJ Yep I couldnrsquot agree with you more Itrsquos very unfortunate
MS I understand that in 2005 the government of Ontario convened whatrsquos known as the Cornwall Pub-lic Inquiry Was the Inquiry con-vened to address the issues of sex-ual abuse and sexual assault and
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 43)
the way the justice system is han-dling it
SJ Thatrsquos probably one of the reasons the Inquiry was convened Thatrsquos one of the hopes The In-quiry was convened because of what was going on in a little city east of Toronto mdash a series of allega-tions against very prominent mem-bers of that community involving the sexual abuse of children over a period of many many years The idea behind the Inquiry is to try to figure out what happened and to put in place some recommenda-tions that will not only stop some-thing like the abuse in Cornwall from happening again but will also try to help those who were affected by the events in the first place And to some extent I think some good will come of the Inquiry Hopefully the recommendations will be good for survivors of childhood sexual abuse or any kind of sexual assault The Submission phase of the In-quiry officially ended late February 2009
MS Did you have the opportunity to testify before the Inquiry
SJ I did not personally testify before the Inquiry Testimony was generally limited to the people ac-tually involved mdash police officers vic-tims what not I was involved in the Inquiry with regards to a panel discussionroundtable that they had regarding the use of confiden-tiality agreements
MS As you probably know Male-Survivor was first founded in the early 1980s by a group of thera-pists who were concerned about support for victims of childhood
sexual abuse and although Male-Survivor is still not a very large or-ganization it has increased its in-fluence significantly over the years and Irsquom wondering whether there is a similar non-profit or other group in Canada that also is dedi-cated to helping victims of child-hood sexual abuse
SJ There are some grass roots organizations that deal with victims of childhood sexual abuse or adult sexual assault I donrsquot believe there is as cohesive a unit as MaleSurvi-vor I may be wrong on that but there are smaller more community based organizations that assist sur-vivors That being said resources available to survivors are unfortu-nately pretty limited
MS Is that because there are too few therapists in that form of prac-tice
SJ I think itrsquos a mixture of many different things First of all Canada has a much smaller population base mdash 30 million people as com-pared to 300 million in the United States mdash so you have significantly fewer people affected and there-fore you have significantly fewer resources available to those people The services that we do have will often have very long waiting lists before people can access them There are some very very good counselors in Canada assisting sur-vivors but unfortunately the waiting lists are sometimes long and the availability for public funding to provide services free of charge is somewhat limited
MS Is there anything in your opinion about the Canadian health
February 2009
Page 45
system that contributes to the scar-city of services
SJ I donrsquot know if itrsquos the Cana-dian health system I think that in Canada we have a pretty good public health system in the sense that anybody who needs medical services can access those services free of charge The problem is that a lot of these services are not covered under our health system per se Many are covered under either private plans or pay as you go type services and itrsquos just a question of finding the people who can provide these services and being lucky enough to get them when they either donrsquot have a waiting list or other-wise having to wait until your name comes up on that waiting list
MS And that could takes years in some cases it seems
SJ My understanding is that those waiting lists can be quite long but there are very good peo-ple out there Itrsquos just a question of finding them and being able to afford them
MS Can you elaborate on other differences between the US and Canada that affect the way survi-vors and perpetrators are treated by the legal system and the media
SJ The differences between Can-ada and the US are really huge On the surface Americans and Canadi-ans look pretty much the same dress the same talk the same eat the same foods and by and large watch the same TV but culturally there is a huge difference in the way we look at the world in the
way our legal system works and the way that people interact with one another
Americans are much more litigious by na-ture I think this is due to the fact that in the United States mdash at least as seen from the outside mdash the rights of the individual are paramount In Can-ada less so Canada is much more commu-nity-oriented We of-tentimes think about how something is going to affect others instead of looking at what an individual might be entitled to I think that the high
damage awards available through the American legal system are beneficial in sexual abuse cases as is the lack of a cap on awards which we have
In some ways though our legal system is much better for my cli-ents than the US system would be because of the way that our actual process works One of the things that I know is very damaging to a lot of plaintiffs in the United States is the whole discovery process tak-
ing depositions Depositions can go on for a huge number of days and pretty much everybody in the per-sonrsquos life can be called to give a deposition That is very troubling and painful for people who donrsquot necessarily want others to know about their abuse or donrsquot want to involve their family Here in Canada depositions mdash or what we call the examination for discovery mdash are lim-ited to the actual named parties in the lawsuit The defendant and the plaintiff are examined for discovery or deposed if you will Anyone who is not an actual party to the litiga-tion can only be discovered under court orders and itrsquos very difficult to get those court orders so in that sense itrsquos a much quicker cleaner process and less intrusive on some-onersquos life So that is probably a good thing
The other really huge difference between the two systems which I think does in fact impact on why a lot of these cases settle as opposed to going to court and oftentimes settle for very different amounts of money than they would if they went to court is that in Canada we have a ldquoloser paysrdquo system If you go to court and you lose you have to pay at least a portion of the fees incurred by the other side Letrsquos say the defendantrsquos settlement offer is $100000 If the plaintiff does not accept that $100000 and at trial the plaintiff gets $99000 then the plaintiff has to pay the lawyerrsquos fees of the defendant because the award is less than the settlement offer That is very difficult That means that a lot of cases are set-tled for probably less money than
(Continued on page 46)
ldquoOn the surface
Americans and
Canadians look pretty
much the same hellip but
culturally there is a
huge difference in the
way we look at the
world in the way our
legal system works and
the way that people
interact with one
anotherldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 46
MS I join you in that hope Any-thing that can advance the cause of not only helping people but also helping prevent further abuses is always going to be welcome If you could set forth a vision of how you would like to see the law and the therapeutic community in Canada evolve to handle matters of child-
hood sexual abuse and sexual assault mdash if you could influence the reform of institu-tions what would your vision be
SJ Oh Richard Wow Well first and foremost I would love to raise public aware-ness of this issue for various reasons I think that increased public awareness will not necessarily reduce the instances of abuse but will help improve how abuse is dealt with when itrsquos ongoing and after-wards Itrsquos very im-portant that when a child is hurt that
child knows that he can go to peo-ple for help and support All too often if kids get up enough cour-age to tell someone the reaction they get is not very positive I think that with increased public aware-ness hopefully people will under-stand that there are ways to deal with this that will decrease the amount of harm so public aware-ness is paramount
I would like the legal system to raise compensation awards for sur-
turning point in bringing to the publicrsquos attention that the sexual assault of children can happen does happen and itrsquos a very diffi-cult thing for anyone to go through whether theyrsquore little boys or grown men that were abused as children It brought childhood sex-ual abuse out of the shadows to a certain extent The scandal still garners media attention as new survivors come forward but not the same as it did 10 years ago
MS Would you say that the lack of inves-tigative reporting is a cultural phenomenon or is it that the news-papers donrsquot feel they have that role
SJ Oh no Canadian newspapers do feel that they have a role in investigating things but for whatever rea-son sexual abuse of children has not been a priority The Cana-dian media really has not been at the forefront of this issue the way the media in the United States has been and I think that is tremen-dously disappointing The lack of media attention means that we arenrsquot fostering the awareness within the public that we need in order to provide real help and ser-vices for survivors We need the mediarsquos help to bring this horrific crime to light and to help stop it from happening
they would get if they went to court because that risk of going to court and not getting at least the amount of the original offer weighs heavily on everyone Our system is designed and geared toward avoid-ing trials which can be good be-cause nobody really wants to go through a trial but can be bad be-cause people become very intimi-dated by the prospect of losing or not getting as much as the settle-ment offer and being indebted to the defendant for a lot of money Thatrsquos a scary scary thing to go through
With regards to the media the US has a media that by and large has helped out a lot with sexual abuse cases The whole issue of clergy abuse really started with investiga-tive reporting by the Boston Globe right
MS Right
SJ They really took that issue and just ran with it Here in Canada we really havenrsquot had the same kind of investigative media cover-age as yoursquove had which is why events like the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal are not as huge as they are down in the States
Before Martin Kruze committed sui-cide the media was only somewhat interested in the Maple Leaf Gar-dens scandal Martin Kruze was a figure because he had sued the Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Com-plex But after he committed sui-cide the media was really galva-nized and that was probably a
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 45)
ldquoThe lack of media
attention means that we
arenrsquot fostering the
awareness within the
public that we need in
order to provide real
help and services for
survivors We need the
mediarsquos help to bring
this horrific crime to
light and to help stop it
from happeningrdquo
February 2009
Page 47
ments but it canrsquot at this stage really happen through the courts
I would want there to be an ability for institutions or perpetrators mdash de-fendants mdash to look beyond mere dollars and cents and look toward healing the person that they have hurt either directly or indirectly All too often in these cases we really become tied up in the legal minu-tiae of things as opposed to defen-dants saying ldquoOK letrsquos step back here and letrsquos try to helprdquo
I wish that there were a real under-standing that these cases are not car accident cases and they should
not be treated as car accident cases My clients are not people whorsquove broken a leg and therefore need X amount of dollars in order to pay for medical services or whatnot And unfortu-nately that doesnrsquot necessarily happen
In terms of the thera-peutic community I would love to see counseling and therapy ses-sions be paid for through the pub-lic purse so that people who re-quire the services of highly-skilled counselors and therapists and psy-chologists can access those services without having to pay for them A lot of clients just donrsquot have the economic means to pay for such services until after they get a set-tlement and that could take years It would be wonderful to see those kinds of services funded the same way as a trip to the emergency room or a trip to your family doc-tor for a cold is funded Irsquod love to
vivors The amount of damage that can be done as a result of child-hood abuse or in fact any kind of sexual assault is tremendous It affects almost every aspect of someonersquos life It becomes inter-generational because it affects the people around the survivor and compensation awards are still very much a pale reflection of what is needed in order to help these peo-ple I hope that at some point our judges and our legislature under-stand that need and can corre-spondingly give appropriate and reasonable damage awards so that people can start to rebuild their lives in a meaningful way
I would love there to be an opportunity within our civil system for more than just compensation At this stage the only thing that a civil judge can do is award monetary compensation There are a lot of creative things that you can do within a settlement that are not purely fi-nancial that can give a lot of sol-ace to someone who has been abused whether that be in the form of some non-financial healing whether it be in the form of a situation where somebody can con-front their abuser if thatrsquos what they wish to do in a safe setting or whether itrsquos the ability for that sur-vivor to do something outside of pure simple dollars and put for-ward some sort of healing plan that is as individual as they are That can happen through settle-
be able to see that I think that that would go a long way to helping people earlier rather than later
Ultimately I wish that this situation didnrsquot exist anymore and I would be put out of business frankly
MS Well I can certainly sympa-thize with the way you feel but it would seem that you have a career ahead of you dealing with this problem
SJ Unfortunately I think you are right I think that instances of child-hood sexual abuse are not neces-sarily going down I think that insti-tutions are getting a little bit better at putting in place policies and sometimes even following their own policies to stop pedophiles from entering those institutions and preying on people that those insti-tutions are theoretically set up to serve but I think that as long as the problem of childhood sexual abuse is with us I will be out there trying to help anybody that I can
MS Is there anything else yoursquod like to say to our readers
SJ I think that organizations such as MaleSurvivor are imperative in helping people understand that they are not alone that itrsquos not their fault and there are ways to get help So hats off to an organi-zation such as yours The clients I have who are involved in your or-ganization are very very well served so I have to thank you for being a resource
MS Thank you very much for your kind comments and for your time Simona
ldquoUltimately I wish that
this situation didnrsquot exist
anymore and I would be
put out of business
franklyrdquo
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-
February 2009
Page 15
of nice little touches and appreci-ated all of them
After the opening ceremony we did a ldquosafetyrdquo exercise in which everyone had a chance to express his needs for a safe environment (for instance I cannot have people touch my neck) We all committed to abide by the safety rules This turned out to be one of the best parts of the WOR because at no time whatsoever did I feel judged or unsafe in any way I cannot recall ever being in such an atmosphere before
We went through a lot of activities and exercises over the weekend Some of these included small groups breathing exercises (grounding) telling our story ldquosculptingrdquo shame busting commu-nity building art and mindfulness walks
I liked the small groups the best I felt there was an excellent fit among the facilitators my fellow survivors and me I had ample opportunity to say what I wanted to say and welcomed all the feed-back After years of individual ther-apy it was great to finally connect with other male survivors in a group setting I learned from my fellow survivors and it also put my recovery into perspective
The shame busting exercise was also incredible It is one thing to talk about creating intimacy it is another to learn how to do it ac-
from the pastrdquo on every street cor-ner mdash and I am finding them a greater challenge than I antici-pated It has been much easier (surprisingly) and a hugely empow-ering victory for me to transform the house we now inhabit mdash where some of the abuse occurred in my childhood mdash into the safest and most comfortable home I have ever known Deep River is relatively iso-lated from the colleagues I have come to know and trust over many years and I take every opportunity to join them whenever and wher-ever I can for trainings and work-shops I am also learning to rely more on the telephone and the Internet to maintain my personal and professional circles of support My journey of growth and healing continues It is not without hurdles and challenges but at this stage it is filled with blessings not the least of which are my two children (now adults) and the relationships I now enjoy with them Life now is better than I could ever have imagined and I welcome the challenges
Which brings me to the present blessing and challenge namely joining the leadership team of the MaleSurvivor Weekends of Recov-ery I have many strong family and professional connections in the United States and I welcome this opportunity to work with a geo-graphically and culturally broader range of men and women who share my values principles and passion for recovery I look forward to meeting and working with some of you
My Journey (Continued from page 13)
tively After the movement exercise one of the facilitators told me that I ldquolooked beautiful out thererdquo I did not believe or understand that comment at the time but I think I do now and it still makes me cry to think of it The comment made me feel that someone saw the ldquorealrdquo me regardless of what I look
like on the outside It also made me realize that I had forgotten how to ldquoplayrdquo I really did feel like a playful child during the exer-cise and I cannot think of the last time that I experienced such a feeling
Since the WOR I have stepped up my recov-ery process I attend weekly groups and keep in regular con-
tact with a few fellow WOR partici-pants I have also bought many self-help books started journaling and increased my time on the MaleSur-vivor forums
I see a dramatic difference in my-self since the WOR I feel more positive and more at peace I can also talk more freely about the abuse and no longer feel shame The bottom line is that I have moved from being a victim to being a SURVIVOR
Words cannot express my gratitude to the WOR team and my fellow survivors I really appreciate the individual chats and felt that every-one was genuinely interested in my recovery Thank you I love you all
ldquoThe shame busting
exercise was also
incredible It is one
thing to talk about
creating intimacy it is
another to learn how to
do it activelyrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 16
high schools were resistant to al-lowing staff members to enter their school and provide educational programs Having a male on staff proved to be beneficial and the program grew rapidly Fortunately mdash and unfortunately mdash the media be-gan writing articles about me and the educational programs Once the Ministry folks became aware a man was on the payroll of the cen-tre my position was terminated I was told that funding was specifi-cally designed for women to pro-
vide services for women To the credit of the crisis centre they had me volun-teer for six months until they could se-cure funding from the local United Way They seemed less concerned about a man wanting to pro-vide services to peo-ple in need
History was being made We became the first sexual assault crisis centre in Canada to open a separate satellite office for a
menrsquos program This was not something celebrated by all crisis centres I was asked to advocate for men but to keep quiet at the same time The program became very successful and more and more male survivors were asking for ser-vices Unfortunately in 2002 the local United Way decided to reduce their support after having a trou-
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
The Circle of Compassion
By Tom Wilken
T hanks to Dale English of the MaleSurvivor newsletter for asking me to write an article
about my experiences working with male sexual abuse survivors in Can-ada As an advocate it seems like the journey of working with survi-vors has many societal obstacles but we are moving forward slowly but surely I often wonder why it is so challenging for Canadians to include male survivors into the circle of compas-sion
In 1991 I accepted a role with the local sexual assault crisis centre and attended one of their training programs On the first day the female facili-tator looked at me and said ldquoyou must be a brave manrdquo I had no idea what she was talking about at the time but I sure do now For the next eleven years I was employed in an adversarial political roller coaster ride that made advocating for men a daunting task Nevertheless I am very thankful for that opportunity I started as a part-time support worker counseling men My posi-tion evolved and included the role of an Education Co-Coordinator The crisis centre found the local
bling fund raising year Since the gender of the clientele was male the crisis centre was unable to top up funding and the male program was removed from the services of-fered by this crisis centre This may sound discriminatory and perhaps even a human rights issue because it is In Canada we pride ourselves in celebrating diversity but unfor-tunately that does not always in-clude the needs of male survivors
Something exciting happened in 2002 Health Canada asked me to update their ldquoAdult Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse - Overview Pa-perrdquo which was distributed throughout the country by the Na-tional Clearinghouse on Family Vio-lence Until that point in time the Overview Paper was predominately written about the concerns of fe-male survivors without any equality for the concerns of male survivors There was some resistance voiced by a crisis centre about a man writ-ing about both genders but Health Canada took a chance and re-quested I complete the Overview Paper that spoke to the similarities and differences regarding the re-covery process of both genders This paper was considered success-ful and a second printing was needed to meet the requests by Canadians This was so rewarding for me and it helped me to realize that there is hope for male survi-vors
Facilitating groups for male survi-vors was an exciting part of my role at the crisis centre Being with men who are being ldquorealrdquo and sup-
ldquoThe Canadian
government has known
for years that 37 of
sexual abuse survivors
under the age of 21 are
male however they do
not open their hearts for
male survivors and
welcome them into the
circle of compassionrdquo
February 2009
Page 17
ple as well The main difference was they responded to their woundedness in a different fashion It is estimated that on any given day there are over 100000 people on probation in the province of Ontario It is also estimated that up to 80 of these folks may have been sexually abused This equates
to 80000 sexual abuse survivors who are on probation most of whom are male We also know that 59 of people in prison are sexual abuse survivors Sadly probation officers are not trained in sexual abuse recovery issues It is interest-ing to note that I work with more male survivors as a Probation Offi-cer than when I worked at the crisis centre When people are not given healthy outlets for expressing their anger it can manifest in less desir-able ways
I started the ldquoWe Want to Knowrdquo project in 2003 which was partially sponsored by the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness and the now
porting one another throughout the healing process is truly a magi-cal experience The men receiving services were both grateful and angry They were grateful to be receiving services but angry these services were not available when they were younger They wondered why so many other male survivors
are not given the same opportunity to heal Seven men from group consented to having their healing journey documented during thirty weeks of group counseling Thus the book Rebuilding Your House of Self Respect Men Recovering from Childhood Sexual Abuse first edi-tion was in the works
In 2002 I accepted a position as a Probation Officer with the Ministry of Community Safety and Correc-tional Services After working with victims for over a decade I won-dered if the adjustment to working with offenders was possible It did-nrsquot take long to realize that people who offended were wounded peo-
closed Windsor Family Forum We were able to fulfill the dream of the seven courageous men from group by distributing copies of the RYHSR book to agencies throughout Can-ada
Millions of dollars are spent in Can-ada for sexual assault crisis centres and other programs for female sur-
vivors These valuable programs for women are underfunded but un-fortunately there are rarely any services specifically for men The Canadian government has known for years that 37 of sexual abuse survivors under the age of 21 are male however they do not open their hearts for male survivors and welcome them into the circle of compassion
In 2007 the Diocese of London Ontario provided funding for my business Hope amp Healing Associ-ates and the Silence to Hope (STH) project was born The Diocese in-creased their funding from $30000
(Continued on page 18)
A Circle of Compassion (uncredited photo)
Vol 2 No 2
Page 18
material to the Ministry of Commu-nity Safety and Correctional Ser-vices the Ministry of Children and Youth Services Victim Services the Ontario Provincial Police and other various other agencies Over 1500 free copies of the second edition of my book Rebuilding Your House of Self Respect Men Recovering in Group from Childhood Sexual Abuse are being distributed to sur-vivors and agencies working with male survivors Lynne MacDonell has received funding from the Arch-diocese of Toronto and is assisting male survivors in central Ontario Her Help amp Hope Project is similar
to the STH project
The STH project was fortunate to partner with Howard Fradkin of MaleSurvivor and his Weekend of Re-covery facilitation team who came to Canada in November 2008 This was quite a treat for Canadian male survivors The expertise of the Frad-kin team provided a
high-caliber experience not nor-mally available to Canadians The feedback from participants indi-cated these men felt truly blessed to be part of this experience In 2009 I hope to write a workbook for male survivors that will accom-pany the second edition of the RYHSR book Ellen Campbell and the CCAA plan to partner with the STH project and provide free cop-ies of this workbook as part of a joint education and awareness pro-gram I am presently updating a Directory of Services for Health
in 2007 to $60000 in 2008 to $75000 in 2009 Thanks to the generosity of the Diocese we are able to provide support groups information and referral services education and awareness pro-grams The Diocese not only wanted us to help males who were victimized by priests but any male survivors
In the early stages we recognized that our communities were not pro-viding a safe and supportive envi-ronment for men to step out of isolation Various agencies were con-tacting me and shared their frustra-tions about not hav-ing places to refer men who were sexu-ally abused as chil-dren It became pain-fully evident how un-educated Canadian service providers are on the needs of men and sexual abuse One of the main focuses of the STH project is our education and aware-ness program and group facilita-tion
As sad as the present situation is for male survivors we are making progress The STH project has part-nered with agencies throughout our area and two agencies from our bigger cities are providing group facilitation on a year round basis We are partnering with the Cana-dian Centre for Abuse Awareness (CCAA) and providing educational
Circle of Compassion (Continued from page 17)
Canada and the National Clearing-house on Family Violence called Combining Voices This directory lists all agencies throughout the Country that provide services to male and female survivors
ldquoCollective denialrdquo is strong throughout Canada but there is HOPE There seems to be an im-portant shift in thinking taking place Several years ago the topic of working with male survivors was not to be spoken about however people are now more receptive to exploring the needs of a much ne-glected portion of the population More men are requesting services and more group counseling oppor-tunities are presenting themselves It appears that more and more Ca-nadian agencies are starting to rec-ognize the importance of including male survivors into the circle of compassion Every time we have articles in the media more men seem to come out of isolation My biggest concerns include the lack of funding by the government If this topic is not talked about and if a safe and supportive environment for men is not created men will go back into silence and isolation This work seems to be driven from the ldquobottom uprdquo and not the ldquotop downrdquo We need good men and women to talk more openly about the needs of male survivors ldquoCollective denialrdquo thrives when good people keep silent Survivors are not living in total isolation they are fathers brothers husbands workers community members and they are valuable human beings
We are proud to join MaleSurvivor in making this world a better place
ldquorsquoCollective denialrsquo is
strong throughout
Canada but there is
HOPE There seems to
be an important shift in
thinking taking placerdquo
February 2009
Page 19
This Boyrsquos Life
By Jordan M
M y life began as any other a happy boy in a happy nuclear family It
was a time when my biggest worry was my brother threatening to tattle on me for sneaking a cookie up to bed I was young and the life I was living was exactly how it should have been carefree and devoid of the messy thoughts and situations which I would soon come to know all too well I was a boy and without trying to sound too clicheacuted I was innocent Pure
My parentsrsquo nasty divorce popped that bubble I loved my family more than anything and the di-vorce ripped us apart Mom and Dad were too busy fighting each other to notice anything that was happening with me or my siblings We were pushed aside used as bargaining tools I felt like a pawn Mom convincing us that Dad was a bad guy Dad convincing us that Mom was to blame Being the third child of five I was lost I withdrew and I stayed as far away from any sort of family situation as I could I didnrsquot know whom to trust
Time passed and things leveled and Mom married again but her taste in men had changed since Dad Her new husband seemed to hate children and he made sure that was known He was a violent man and my family and I paid the price I felt more lost than ever I was all alone in a hell that I was not prepared for Looking for some
kind of calm in this storm I started spending more time with Dad on his farm
Dad had met and moved in with another woman as well and unlike my new step-dad I liked her I thought that this could be my escape I could stay with Dad and be safe Go back to being a kid again Live that normal life I used to have
Not only did Dadrsquos new girlfriend move in so did her brother mdash my new step-uncle of sorts He was great The coolest guy Irsquod ever met We got along he played with me we watched mov-ies we went out we did everything He paid attention to me and I sud-denly felt less alone He was that person whom I could trust He was the man who would help me through all this crap at home He was the one that cared I didnrsquot just have a new step-uncle I had a new friend a new guardian someone who was there for me I latched on I bought his trick mdash hook line and sinker
The sexual abuse began and after the initial shock frankly I got used to it Although I hated it he as-sured me it was ok This is what should be happening between a 12 year old boy and 32 year old man who have a special relationship like
the one we did I believed him All I had to do was comply with his sexual desires and he would remain there for me I was willing to pay that price to keep this man in my life Somewhere in the back of my little mind I knew it was wrong but
I wouldnrsquot tell a soul It was our little secret our special relation-ship Nobody could know but us
It went on for years and for years I grew more and more dis-tant from people from myself and from the world I attempted a few times to get away but there was no where to go Either I live in an abusive hell with Mom or I cater to my step-unclersquos desires at my
Dadrsquos Which is the lesser evil
I went back and forth from house to house each time growing a little more resilient a little harder Time went on and I wasnrsquot that little boy anymore Age was on my side now and I wanted it to stop
Mom did get rid of the mistake she married after a while but soon found a new one and I promised myself that I would not stand for another day in this hell The first time this new guy laid a hand on me I gave Mom an ultimatum him or me She chose him I was gone
(Continued on page 20)
In the First Person
ldquoAlthough I hated [the
abuse] he assured me it
was ok This is what
should be happening
between a 12 year old
boy and 32 year old
man who have a special
relationship like the one
we did I believed himrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 20
been chasing me the whole time and it was catching up
The lure of the big city called me and I began spending nights and weekends in Toronto Attempting to end the emptiness I began searching for ways to fill it I got hooked on drugs became an ad-dict I became hard Mean Nothing could touch me Fear couldnrsquot stand in my way The worst had already happened I thought what I was feeling was freedom but free was the farthest thing from the truth I was trapped trapped in anger and guilt and shame
The deep desire to be taken care of continued to force its way to the surface and take on new extremes My cutting habit that I had devel-
I left home at 16 I figured that anything was better than staying where I was This was going to be a new start for me It was going to be different this time I promised myself that I would make it
I was wrong Again
Life on your own at 16 is not an easy one mdash new city no friends barely any money Schools wouldnrsquot accept me apartments wouldnrsquot let a kid occupy a unit I was alone I was really alone this time It took
time but I eventually managed a bit of a life for myself and was able to get through high school but it didnrsquot come easy My past had
This Boyrsquos Life (Continued from page 19)
oped as a young teen had ex-ploded and I began to brutally beat myself in hopes that somebody would notice maybe take me to hospital Take care of me It didnrsquot work It never worked There was only one thing that worked sex
Hustling made me feel powerful Men would pay to be with me Itrsquos all I felt I was good at seducing men And it was a power that I so badly thought I needed As bad as I was treated the glimpse of con-trol that I felt was enough to keep me going back But all I was doing was allowing myself to be abused
over and over again It just lead me further and further down
The years passed and I lost all feeling I forgot how to feel I knew
A Sliver of Light copy 2009 Timothy Andrew
February 2009
Page 21
only three emotions happiness sadness and anger And it was the anger that consumed me Anything could set me off I was a ticking time-bomb I began to wonder if any sort of normal life would ever happen for me
I was ready to give up to accept that this was what God had planned for me but somewhere inside that messed up 20 year old head of mine there was a sliver of light the same light that was there when I was a child the light that only had to worry about sneaking a cookie up to bed And I knew that that tiny glimpse of light was the real me If I could find a way to broaden its beam I would be able to peel back all the layers of abuse and discover who I really am
I searched I called crisis lines I went to free therapy sessions I attempted to try to understand why I was like I was but I kept hitting dead ends Nobody seemed to know how to help me me a male survivor
Nothing would last The little help I did receive all faded All I really got were programs and information and books and flyers Then I found Lynne MacDonells number I called her late one night She agreed to meet with me and quickly got me
into her mens group ldquoA Time for Menrdquo
The group literally saved my life For the first time I knew I wasnt alone There were other men who had been through what I had been through and they genuinely cared for me It has been over three years
now and it is still difficult Although I have put an end to the coping mecha-nisms mdash the drugs and the cutting mdash itrsquos the feelings that still manage to give me a struggle As survivors we have to sort out our insides Our guts Our feelings All that stuff was ripped out mixed up and thrown back in when we were abused We have to retrain our brains learn how to think how to feel how to trust how to love At times I feel like Irsquom an emotional infant as if my body kept
growing after my uncle abused me but my mind didnrsquot That was the main issue when I finally decided that I needed to be on the path of recovery So I focused and I began
I look forward to those two hours every Monday night because I know I can say and share anything I want and I will not be judged I am safe there I am safe to peel back those layers of abuse and discover the real me who I was really meant to be not this husk of
a human being that I had been living as for so many years
Since joining the group I have finished university got my degree I am free of drugs and self-harming I have a good job and a much healthier lifestyle and I have come out with my secret about sexual abuse
I am not ashamed of who I am anymore It is a long and tough uphill battle and it is still far from over but I know that I have plenty of people helping me fight this battle Our group is more that just a support group We are a family a brotherhood of survivors deter-mined to help each other and spread the word
It was hope That light the real memdashit was hope As survivors some-times all we have to go on is hope and that is why we need to remem-ber that there is ALWAYS hope There never needs to be a dead end That tiny sliver of light exists in all of us you just have to find it
ldquoAs survivors
sometimes all we have
to go on is hope and
that is why we need to
remember that there is
ALWAYS hope There
never needs to be a
dead end That tiny
sliver of light exists in
all of us you just have
to find itrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 22
My Story
by Bruce M
A s I start to write this article I find myself sitting in front of the house where I was
first sexually abused I donrsquot know why I am here but I am Perhaps it is my way of being in control which I certainly wasnrsquot for a very long time It was really not that long ago before I avoided this area of the city entirely mdash never mind sitting on the street in front of the home where I was sexually as-
saulted
I am now 42 years old and have a partner who supports me more than I could have ever asked for I am in love and
although I thought I loved others before now I really know what love is For many years I was so secretly dysfunctional that most people were under the impression that I had it all together but that was furthest from the truth I was a good actor
I grew up in a middle class suburb of Toronto I was the youngest of three kids I was diagnosed with ADD and was given Ritalin to ldquosettle me downrdquo I think that Ritalin was an easy out for my parents I needed more one on one interac-tion and understanding rather than a drug regimen which suited their
needs I clearly remember my pe-diatrician back then coaching my parents on what I needed mdash and many of his recommendations went ignored In their minds it seemed that all I needed was Ritalin
I had very few true friends Most people found my hyperactivity to be too much My mother was a practicing alcoholic (thankfully sober for about 28 years now) and my father was nothing short of physically abusive mdash mainly to my sister and me but also to my brother from what I understand My father had out-bursts of rage during which he would beat me with a dog leash and his fist Once he shoved my head down a toilet and told me that is where I belonged I donrsquot know if many people could appreciate how horrible it was to be told that As long as I live I will never for-get how I felt when he said that
When I was 12 years old I was enrolled in basketball That year I excelled and my team ended up winning the champion-ship This was a great confidence boost that I really needed I had finally found something that I was good at The second year was not so great My assistant basketball
coach was a sexual predator who saw a shy and troubled boy in me and decided that he would look after his own needs This guy was a medical doctor so he knew what he was doing and started what I now understand was a very intense grooming process He talked to me about my hyperactivity my motherrsquos alcoholism and my fatherrsquos abuse As I remember back he brought these things up often while he was getting to know me
After a period of time he invited me to his home one day on the pretence of my coming over to rake leaves Once there he invited me to his basement where he
Moving On
Bruce M
Bruce M during the time of his abuse
February 2009
Page 23
matum He said that if I would not come to his house we could no longer be friends I donrsquot know how I did it but I decided that I did not want to go to his house and that was the end of that I now know that he went on to find an-other victim
For nearly the next two decades I struggled with life To add insult to injury I knew that I was a gay male and after the abuse I figured that this was what a gay relation-ship was like and I didnrsquot want it I lacked direction with almost everything I did For a while I was practically homeless because I was staying with one friend after another putting myself in situations where I could be abused again and again I was con-stantly haunted with
guilt because I was sure that the man who abused me was abusing other boys
Finally one day I came forward and told the police about my abuse They charged this man and I quickly learned that this perpetra-tor was one of the nastiest that I have come across to this day He had deep pockets and fought ruthlessly I was followed by private investigators my friends were approached by private investigators
made it clear that his gentle kind supportive ways would have a cost to me I remember hating the experience This disgusting smelling man was more than repulsive Would you believe that I went back Well I did Most other vic-tims of sexual abuse will under-
stand why better than those who have not been there I wanted to be cared for and listened to so badly that for a while I just put up with the abuse This guy came to my school at lunch and let me drive his car around the back streets I was too young and imma-ture to realize that this was not a kind gesture but more grooming that would give him access to what he wanted Eventually he got an-noyed that I would avoid going to his house so he gave me an ulti-
for interviews and he hired some of Canadarsquos best attorneys to get him out of his charges When I went to court to testify at a prelimi-nary trial he had people there to threaten me in the halls of the court and the bathrooms The criminal case went on and on and eventually to the Supreme Court of Canada for a ruling about my con-sent All in all it has been a very intense process which went on so long that the case was thrown out because of delay He is still not out of hot water because the College of Physicians and Surgeons went after him and I had to testify at that hearing too which is still going on to this day
Last fall I completed my third Weekend of Recovery and al-though I have been in private ther-apy for close to four years and have been a part of a menrsquos group in Toronto nothing compares to the results that I achieved from attending the Weekends of Recov-ery The weekend program and the connections that I made with other guys and therapists have been instrumental in giving me a push forward allowing me to have some happiness and a meaningful rela-tionship which I was never able to have before
Life is not perfect but I can tell you that it is so much better than it was a few years ago and it is getting better all the time
Bruce M during the time of his abuse
Vol 2 No 2
Page 24
nor injury well that was his cue He took me into a medical room and closed the door He examined my knee and soon the subject changed That was the first time that I was sexually assaulted
Over the years this repulsive man be-came my coach in both hockey and baseball He was a central figure at the arena and the base-ball diamond He was the one involved in all the fundraisers and came to be known as ldquothe guy who would do any-thing for the kidsrdquo Most of the parents loved him mdash but not mine He drank with parents partied with them all while he ldquotook carerdquo of us kids
The first time I was abused at the arena I told someone older than I I did so again when I was 15 What was I to do Neither time did the adults take appropriate action and you guessed it everything was swept under the carpet So I did the only thing I knew how to do mdash I stuffed it
Growing up was a difficult time for me because of the abuse and the fact that I suffered with ADHD and anxiety (undiagnosed at the time) My sisters did well in school how-ever I didnrsquot I would work my tail off get a ldquoCrdquo and then would be told to work harder or asked if I
A Victim No More
by Glenn Allan
M y name is Glenn Allan and I grew up in Stoney Creek Ontario Canada
By all rights I should have been dead years ago I am a recovering alcoholic and cocaine addict and I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse I donrsquot want my story to become an ldquoabuse or addiction-aloguerdquo so I wonrsquot get into graphic details or talk about every abusive situation
Please keep an open mind as this is my story
I was wel-comed into a loving yet dysfunctional family in February of 1964 I have four sisters
nine nieces and nephews two great-nieces and one great-nephew My story begins around the age of seven I loved skating and playing hockey I was always told ldquoYoursquove gotta practice to get betterrdquo and so I did I would play as much ice and road hockey as I could and my sis-ters would take me public skating It was at public skating that my abuser first spotted me and as-saulted me I fell during one of those skating sessions and hurt my knee My abuser was a skating monitor that day and when I needed medical attention for a mi-
were dumb My frustrations grew mdash if only they knew that there was a hurting little boy inside But I was a boy who was too afraid to say that he hurt or to cry mdash because ldquobig boys donrsquot cryrdquo I would get teased at home about being stupid or
asked ldquoWhy donrsquot you try harderrdquo
I couldnrsquot defend my-self verbally with my parents because that would have been ldquotalking backrdquo There were times when I would be so angry at them for picking on me for little things and I would think to myself ldquoYou are yell-ing at me for this while he (the abuser) is doing that to merdquo
Talk about frustration and built up rage I was a walking volcano I would fight all the time whether it was at school playing hockey or baseball it really didnrsquot matter why mdash all I knew was I was MAD
Over the years I slowly lost my self-esteem and self-worth I wanted to be anybody but me I idolized ath-letes like Bobby Orr Bobby Clarke and Pete Rose because of their dedication and work ethic Being a class clown I loved comedians (Steve Martin Richard Pryor Robin Williams Johnny Carson) and the entertainer in me loved singers (Elvis) and wanted so badly to be them Then maybe people would like me because there was abso-lutely no way anyone could really
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Glenn Allan
ldquoMy frustrations grewmdash
if only they knew that
there was a hurting little
boy inside But I was a
boy who was too afraid
to say that he hurt or to
crymdashbecause lsquobig boys
donrsquot cryrsquordquo
February 2009
Page 25
like or love me with the things my abuser had made me do
Because of the trauma of being abused I wet the bed until I was about 12 years of age which drained any remaining self-worth or self-esteem that I had left I was so embarrassed And then I had to tolerate ridiculous comments from people saying things like ldquoYou know that you are going to have to stop thisrdquo and ldquoYou are getting too old for thisrdquo No kidding really Did they think that I liked waking up in my own urine Did they not think that I wanted to stop Did they have any idea how their words hurt me Man oh man it was like that all the time They just didnrsquot think before they spoke
Frustrated and over-whelmed in my teens I finally found the ldquofriendrdquo that I had been looking for mdash first name ldquoALrdquo last name ldquoCOHOLrdquo I would be-come a whole new person when I drank booze and how I drank I found a brand new confidence I was somewhat funny when I drank dur-ing the early years of drinking however over time I became de-pressed and extremely angry I would fight in bars on a regular basis Then in December of 1987 I was stabbed outside a bar and nearly died Now you would think that being stabbed and nearly dy-ing would prompt a lifestyle
change or at the very least cause me to take a personal inventory of my situation and myself But not me I wore it as a badge of honour allowing the insanity to continue
It is said that if the drugs and alco-hol donrsquot kill you the lifestyle will During this time and over the years I was introduced to many criminals Their crimes ranged from murder assaults extortion and drug dealing to running massage parlours and prostitution mdash to just name a few One of my acquaint-ances was even a hired killer He
actually assassinated two reputed crime bosses in Ontario and is now serving a lengthy sentence for those and other killings
But I was drawn to their so-called power and complete disregard for the law Looking back on it I guess I was looking to reclaim the power
that was stolen from me by my abuser
In my early twenties I got a job working with Young Offenders as a Correctional Officer With the money I was making I bought a very nice sports car dated pretty women was extremely materialistic and yet I was never satisfied I worked in corrections for about four years During that time I also began my career in the world of entertainment as a voice impres-sionist and stand-up comedian as well as a co-host of a comedy tele-
vision show I had a tremendous ego and unknowingly had be-come rdquoThe Great I Amrdquo
After a couple of years I moved from comedy to producing and host-ing my own sports television program which aired for ten years I had so much fun and I was able to meet and interview some of sportsrsquo big-gest names
In my mid-20s when the alcohol wasnrsquot medicating my pain any longer I turned to
something stronger mdash COCAINE During a span of approximately ten years the combination of alcohol cocaine and all my poor choices cost me most of my jobs many of my relationships and all my money It drove me to criminal activity po-lice charges a conviction and a criminal record But most of all I
(Continued on page 26)
Alone Uncredited Photo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 26
was lost Glenn was slowly dying inside me I became depressed and despondent and I hated so many people But most of all I hated my-self
I had attempted suicide on a few occasions and I really and truly had a death wish I hated myself so much that on Friday January 16 1998 loaded with a supply of co-caine and booze I booked myself into a hotel room with no intention of coming out alive Friday night and Saturday passed with me drinking and getting high on co-caine After having more cocaine delivered to me on Sunday after-noon there was no turning back mdash or so I thought Approximately at midnight on Sunday I made my final decision mdash it was time for me to leave this stinking world I ingested enough cocaine to kill me and then I barricaded my hotel door and ripped the phone out of the wall I lay down on the bed defeated broken sad guilt-ridden ashamed depressed and scared yet so ready to die
Only Divine Intervention mdash some sort of miracle mdash can explain what hap-pened next The police came into my hotel room at just the right time on Sunday night and took me to the hospital Who called them how did they know to come to my room I donrsquot know Well thatrsquos not completely true Today I am a man of faith and as a Christian I know exactly who orchestrated my rescue
A Victim No More (Continued from page 25)
After a brief stay in the hospital I chose to enter the Hamilton Menrsquos Withdrawal Management Centre where I spent eleven days From there I entered an intensive addic-tion treatment centre for a six-week stay followed by a five and one half month stay at a recovery house
I have been clean and sober since Janu-ary 19 1998
I work the program of recovery intensely I was blessed with some incredible therapists who were able to break through my trust issues my rough exterior and my wall of comedy to allow me to heal I also became involved in the 12-Steps and other support groups through which I have found tremendous friendships and men-toring
Recovery is about making changes Al-though my abuser assaulted me until I was 15 years old I blamed him for all of my problems until I was 33 years old I had to change from being a pro-fessional blamer and liar to a man of responsibility character and in-tegrity It wasnrsquot easy however after many tears and lots of hard work life has gotten much better
Over time and through applying these principles I found peace se-renity and forgiveness and I also
learned how to love myself again Everything that was set in motion to harm me as a young man is now what drives me With Godrsquos help today I am able to live humbly honestly open-minded and willing to do whatever it takes to stay clean and sober while doing what I can to help others who face similar
struggles
Today I serve the Ca-nadian Centre for Abuse Awareness as the Director of the Southwestern Ontario office My mission at hand is to create a task force that will be responsible for build-ing a residential pro-gram for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
I am also the Execu-tive Producer and Host of three popular television programs Good News Sports The Edge and Living Clean Living Clean is the only live weekly interactive television program in Canada
that is designed to assist individu-als who suffer with addiction abuse andor mental illnesses
I also host The Glenn Allan Show on a local radio station in Hamil-ton ON Canada
As a motivational speaker my pres-entation entitled Youth Yak Live has enabled me to speak to thou-sands of youth nationwide since 2000 Through Youth Yak Live I
ldquoRecovery is about
making changes
Although my abuser
assaulted me until I was
15 years old I blamed
him for all of my
problems until I was 33
years old I had to
change from being a
professional blamer and
liar to a man of
responsibility character
and integrity
February 2009
Page 27
Male Survivor Groups (MSG)
By Robert Beacuterubeacute Co-founder MSG
M ale Survivor Groups (MSG) was created by a group of male survivors
of childhood sexual abuse follow-ing the death of a fellow survi-vor in Lon-don Ontario Canada The initial objec-tives were to foster cama-raderie and support for one another and also to obtain proper help
for survivors in the London area
Presently our aim is to help all male survivors and also to make our cause known It is open to all male survivors of childhood ado-lescent and adult abuse We have expanded and have supported the creation of groups across Canada and we are prepared to support the creation of groups throughout the World
Groups have been established in London Vancouver Sudbury and North Bay in Canada
Our beliefs
1 Our groups are for male survi-vors of abuse What is said in the group remains there What is stated must remain confiden-
have developed tremendous work-ing relationships with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police Ontario Provincial Police Crime Stoppers local police agencies young of-fender facilities churches self-help groups and alcohol and drug treatment centres
I also facilitate a weekly peer sup-port group for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
There was a time when I thought I would never get married and that no one could love me for who I am Colleen and I met in 1999 We both have similar pasts We both have worked through our abuse issues and are both clean and so-ber In 2001 my best friend and I married and we now have three beautiful children Ashley Brandon and Christopher Spending the rest of my life with Colleen and our family is a dream come true
The opportunity of sharing Godrsquos gifts and blessings with others is truly an honour and a privilege It is imperative that I never take these things for granted
If I can assist you or someone dear to you please donrsquot hesitate to contact me at the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness Ph 905-594-1581 or email glennccfaacom or visit these websites
wwwabusehurtscom wwwlivingcleanca wwwglennallanca
or write to me co CCAA 38 King St East PO Box 66614 Stoney Creek ON L8G 5E5
(Continued from page 26)
tial Anonymity is of the utmost importance unless the survivor has gone public But intimate details of the public person must also remain confidential Confidentiality must be assured
2 We are in the group to heal and to support each other
3 We are male survivors who want to heal and help others in the process We can be as young as 16 or as old as old can be
4 Our primary purpose is our own safe being Secondary purposes are the betterment of services for male survivors and the advancement of our cause
5 We fight on so that we may grow in solidarity
6 We are not a religious group We do use different models of functioning in our different sub-groups Ours is a healing group for more than one prob-lematic issue
7 We encourage partnerships with organisations businesses and agencies that foster the creation of services for male survivors of abuse
We have created a Facebook Group which is also open to FRIENDS who support our cause Our group is establishing partnerships with other male survivor groups in Canada and worldwide You can contact us through the Facebook page or by emailing me at berube55yahooca
Support Groups
Robert Beacuterubeacute
Vol 2 No 2
Page 28
The CCAA By Ellen Campbell [ellenccfaacom]
Founder and Executive Director Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness
A s some of you know the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness (CCAA) is a
national non-government charitable organization dedicated to eliminat-ing child abuse through advocacy education public awareness and prevention programs With help from community and corporate partners the CCAA provides accessible support healing and indi-vidual empowerment for adult survivors their fami-lies and caregivers through over 20 programs Those that listen to classic rock station Q107 in the To-ronto region will recognize us as their charity of choice through Derringerrsquos Thir-teen Days of Christmas campaign
Based in Newmarket On-tario the CCAA is an active and vibrant organization that in addition to its variety of program offer-ings is also involved in public safety advocacy That advo-cacy started with the early release from prison of one of the perpetra-tors in the Maple Leaf Gardensrsquo child sex abuse scandal Many surviving victims were traumatized again this time by the system The
CCAA went public with its concerns that day and the public safety advocacy program was born
Later the CCAA wrote a sweeping report titled Martinrsquos Hope named in memory of Martin Kruze (the first victim to courageously go public with the story of his abuse at the Gardens and who later tragi-cally took his own life) that made 60 recommendations for legislative and policy change to the criminal justice system These recommenda-tions were gleaned from round-
table discussions with over 150 front-line criminal justice system professionals crime victims and survivors To this day members of the Kruze family sit on the CCAA Board of Directors
After the initial public release of the Martinrsquos Hope report in the fall of 2003 I knew that if repairs were to be made to the criminal justice system advocacy would have to be accelerated That advocacy began in earnest in early 2006 with the hiring of John Muise a volunteer with the CCAA and previously a Toronto police officer with signifi-cant experience in legislative and policy advocacy The hire coincided with new political winds blowing in Ottawa The CCAArsquos full-time public
safety program was born
Relationships already in existence were strength-ened new ones were made and the CCAA intensified its advocacy with politi-cians stakeholders and other decision makers In addition the CCAA courted media attention recogniz-ing the opportunity to get our message out
That advocacy included the preparation of written briefs in support of testi-mony before a number of decision making bodies including several appear-ances before the House of Commons Justice Commit-tee
ADVOCACY REWARDED The last three years have brought success on a number of fronts Progress on the criminal justice reform front is rarely if ever the result of one person or just one organization advocating for
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoMartinrsquos Hoperdquo in Memory of Martin Arnold Kruze From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 29
government Although there are specific circumstances under which the age of consent is 16 (or 18) the general age of consent remained at 14 For many in the child protection
world this has been a shame of what is otherwise a devel-oped and civilized land The fight is finally over with the passage and Royal Assent of this legisla-tion in July of 2008 This is a victory for the many people that fought the good fight and most importantly this law allows prose-cution of those adult predators who choose to sexually exploit 14
and 15 year old children
Review of federal corrections policy
In 2007 the federal government ordered an independent review of the federal corrections and parole system The CCAA attended the announcement of that review and subsequently appeared before the review team and provided detailed written recommendations for change The final report included a number of recommendations that the CCAA provided including those contained in Martinrsquos Hope A rollout of some report recommen-dations has already started includ-ing a pilot project for the use of electronic monitoring on serious and violent offenders who are on parole in communities
(Continued on page 30)
Dangerous offenders Having someone declared a dan-gerous offender is very difficult to do In fact there are fewer then 400 declared dangerous offenders in the country This amendment makes it easier to bring a dangerous offender application for a serious repeat con-victed offender before the court The end result should be we hope the detection and declaration of more dangerous offenders Dangerous offender designation is for life and results in indefinite lock-up of the offender with periodic judicial reviews
Community protection orders
Also known as ldquoSection 810rdquo orders they allow the state to monitor the activities of certain subjects mdash no longer under some form of sen-tence or other judicial release but still considered a danger mdash to be placed on a judicial order similar to a bail with control and monitoring conditions The legislation explicitly expands the controls that can be usedmdashfor example electronic moni-toringmdashand extends the length of the order from one year to two
Age of protection For longer than people care to remember advocates have fought to raise the general age of consent from 14 to 16 years of age Until recently those voices have been largely ignored by the federal
change but no one can deny the important roll played by the CCAA in advancing these reforms These are all original recommendations contained in the Martinrsquos Hope report The results as they say speak for themselves and include but are not limited to the follow-ing
Mandatory minimum sentences for Internet chi ld abuse offences
Over time courts have increasingly relied on so called ldquohouse arrestrdquo provisions (see section immediately below) when sentencing offenders found guilty of Internet child abuse and similar kinds of serious child exploitation offences The sen-tences were often way out of pro-portion to the gravity of the crimes Minimum sentences were legislated for a variety of crimes with the net effect of eliminating the ability of the court to impose ldquohouse arrestrdquo
Conditional sentences of imprisonment
Better known as ldquohouse arrestrdquo this measure brought in over a decade ago was being imposed by the courts for ever more serious of-fenders and offences Many violent and dangerous offenders were allowed to serve their term of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo at home Justice and public safety were compro-mised by this provision Although the Bill that finally passed was watered down significantly by opposition party demands the end result was a tightening of the cir-cumstances under which a sen-tence of this kind could be given
ldquoAfter the initial public
release of the Martinrsquos
Hope report in the fall
of 2003 I knew that if
repairs were to be made
to the criminal justice
system advocacy would
have to be acceleratedrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 30
munity committees and inquiries including the Federal Inquiry pre-sided over by Justice Major into the Air India bombing
Moving forward We are delighted to report that John Muise our Director of Public Safety has recently received a Governor-in-council appointment as a full-time member of the Na-tional Parole Board effective in May of 2009 Although this is a big loss
for the CCAA we are thrilled for John and we know that he will bring the same com-mitment to public safety in that position as he did with the CCAA We wish him the very best in this new and challenging role
Much progress has been made in the past three years with
more anticipated The federal gov-ernment has signaled its intention to finish the work it started and attempt a further repeal of condi-tional sentences of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo They have also said that they in-tend on amending certain aspects of parole legislation and moving on tightening up security (including drug interdiction) in federal prisons
As we kick off 2009 the CCAA has the following priorities
Enhanced training for law enforcement off icers involved in chi ld abuse
investigations The introduction of provincial ldquosafe havenrdquo legislation that would pro-
vide a distressed mother who has given birth (within 72 hours) to take her baby to a place of safety (for example fire station police station hospital emergency) no questions asked and drop the baby off The purpose is to avoid the unthinkable mdash dumpster aban-donment murder at birth This legislation exists in all 50 of the United States but has yet to to be introduced in this country
Parole reform In addition the CCAA will work with partners on two parole and corrections recommendations They include legislating breach of parole as an offence for which a police officer has a power of arrest Com-plimentary to this the replacement of statutory release (automatic release after serving two thirds of a sentence) with regular earned parole Both recommendations were included in the final report of the Corrections Review Team and had been provided with others by the CCAA
We at the CCAA believe that much has been done on the criminal justice reform and public awareness front We are grateful for the pro-gress thus far and proud of the part we have played in moving the public safety agenda along
There is still much work to be done and the CCAA will step up to carry on this most important work
Selection of judges In recognition of the importance of the justice selection process the federal government has recently expanded the scope of people selected to sit on the regional Judicial Advisory Committees tasked with vetting potential ap-pointments and providing recom-mendations to the federal Attorney General and Minister of Justice for final selection Although still dominated by judges and lawyers a wider variety of voices and minds is now part of the selection proc-ess This is welcome news I am one of those voices I sit on one of the regional committees itrsquos an appointment we can all be proud of
Gun crime and other victim focused matters
Although outside the specific man-date of the CCAA (and not included in the Martinrsquos Hope report) in recognition of the impact on com-munities and particularly at risk children and youth the CCAA also appeared before the House of Commons Committee in support of mandatory minimum sentences for serious gun crimes and for amend-ments that tighten up the bail system for those charged with serious gun-related offences
In addition several crime victim supportive briefs were prepared for a number of safe school and com-
The CCAA (Continued from page 29)
ldquoWe at the CCAA hellip are
grateful for the progress
thus far and proud of
the part we have played
in moving the public
safety agenda alongrdquo
February 2009
Page 31
higher than its current statistical significance would suggest I would suggest itrsquos about one in four of the men I deal with 25 compared to the 16 suggested in the cur-rent literature If you allow for the fact that many of the men I work with have come from dysfunctional families that have been dysfunc-tional for generations the higher rate of incidence will hardly be surprising
I really had no idea when I started this job that I would have a head-
on collision with CSA No idea at all I was in my pre-survivor life My own past experi-ences were like a dormant volcano Sure some smoke would puff out every now and then for no readily apparent rea-son but no major eruption But as I heard more and more stories told by men in their own abyss of despair and self loath-ing things started to bubble within me
I remember the first man who disclosed to me He did not really intend to He started to tell part of a story and I just knew I just knew What he did say was part of an institutional abuse situa-tion that gained public awareness in the media After that story broke many men came forward as well to tell their story of how they too were abused as boys in a school
Inside
By Geeders (Jim)
W hen I was first asked to write about my experi-ences working in a jail I
wasnrsquot really sure what I could say about it Can I say this or should I say that Was it going to be really negative or show promise of better days ahead And what about me mdashthe new me mdash dealing with issues of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) at the same time as the men I see and work with How the hell was (or is) that going to work Well it is a work in progress after all and one that seems to evolve as I change and as I become more comfortable with my own sense of a new self
Let me begin by saying that there is nothing in this article that would meet the rigours of clinical dissection Equally important I do not work with sexual offenders What I am going to say is purely my experience based on personal observation No scientific analysis can be attributed to it apart from what we already know or suspect One in six men will have been sexually assaulted or abused by the time they are 18 It has long been opined that the number of abused men is actually
setting that was really a cover for juveniles in trouble with the law
The inmate I was working with did not come forward at that time He couldnrsquot His disclosure to me was the first time he had ever said anything about his abuse No one else knew mdash no one He was alone His pain was palpable and obvious His shame and guilt were profound Never had he admitted to himself what had happened in that school let alone admitted to a total stranger until that very moment I listened to his pain tried to console him just let him cry Eventually over the course of a couple of interviews it became obvious to me why he was in jail Any self-esteem that he had as a boy or young man was destroyed by his abuse His very essence was rewritten by the men who had abused him Teens get into trouble but they can also learn to later stay out of it by fol-lowing the teachings of those they trust But for this young man his ability to trust was destroyed by the very people who were sup-posed to care for him nurture him and dare I say it love him appro-priately What was even more tragic is that this man came from a cul-ture that has low tolerance for anything that even remotely resem-bles homosexuality
Being abused sent this man on a downward spiral that ultimately turned him into a drug addict by his own admission a junkie who hated himself for what ldquohe had
(Continued on page 32)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoOver the course of
several related careers I
have seen a lot of good
being done Irsquove also
seen a lot of ugliness
that even by todayrsquos
standards defies the
most common
sensibilities we have as
human beingsldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 32
donerdquo His shame and guilt and culture prevented him saying any-thing about what happened It cut him off from any legal action that might take place and removed any sort of financial compensation that he might gain as a result of his abuse It eventually cut him off from his own family because his drug abuse prevented him from working and supporting his wife and family It destroyed his ability to be a good dad and husband A few years later I saw him back in jail again
When I did encounter him again it was with an in-creased sense of awareness within me Every time a man disclosed to me that he had been sexually abused or assaulted I started to die inside A little piece of me just died every time a man said to me what I could not say to myself or anyone else That dormant volcano started to fume a bit more regularly
Over the course of several related careers I have seen a lot of good being done Irsquove also seen a lot of ugliness that even by todayrsquos standards defies the most common sensibilities we have as human beings It exists Itrsquos around every corner if we choose to look at it Along with the ugly we have the good We have people who are willing to take a stand and come forward to say to the world ldquoWe
Inside (Continued from page 31)
have a problem here itrsquos not going to go away and it needs to be fixedrdquo I had the good fortune to meet many of these people last year at a conference on male sex-ual victimization By then I had been able to learn from the men that I serve that perhaps I too could learn to tell someone Could I be a survivor too
Men in jail are there for a reason Whether itrsquos to protect society while they await trial or from
themselves or while sentenced they are here Whether I think they should be here is irrelevant They are usually at the end of their ropes Their lives are upside down and in turmoil They are frequently in withdrawal from illicit drug use They are in the bottom of a pit from which there does not appear to be an escape or refuge They are desperate and will act desperately
if needed They are angry and no longer have any control over their lives Someone has taken that control away from them They have no choice but to comply Failure to comply results in loss of privileges which can include being prohibited from contact with those they love the most Forced co-habitation with other men can evoke strong memories of prior abuse which they cannot deal with let alone understand It can be isolation
They are alone and cannot speak about their issues for fear of being discovered and further stigmatized and trau-matized by a peer group that cannot tolerate differences or diversity
I have been fortunate in that for some reason men trust me and feel safe and able to disclose And when they do you can see the relief on their faces They are scared for sure but it has always seemed to be a relief I have to ask them I have no choice because itrsquos part of my job But now as a survivor myself I can tell them they are not alone I cannot tell them about me but I can tell them they are not alone that they
are among the approximately one in six men who are assaulted or abused when they are boys or young men I can tell them about the few resources we have avail-able for men which are a 100 improvement compared to what they had when they first walked into my office I tell them about MaleSurvivor and have MS posters up in my office I can tell them that
ldquoTougher than lsquoNamrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 33
Maybe not I prefer to think that I have shown them that there is hope There is life in being a survi-vor they donrsquot have to be held hostage any longer by a secret that was put upon them by an abuser I prefer to think that I have been able to show them that they do not have to be ashamed for being male When I speak with them Irsquom a straight shooter I calls rsquoem as I sees lsquoem I use words they can understand mdash street language mdash which helps them understand their bodies and to understand that Mother Nature made them to be reactive and responsive I tell them that simply because their bodies reacted that their bodies re-sponded while being abused did not make the abuse their fault It takes a while to get there at times But the relief when the penny drops and they realize that they themselves were in no way respon-sible for the abuse is quite remark-able
Just this week Irsquove been working with a man who actually smiled when he came into my office He said ldquoI finally get it It wasnrsquot my faultrdquo He then went on to tell me that immediately prior to his at-tending in my office he had just disclosed to his sister while on the phone in his jail area surrounded by other inmates While it was perhaps not the safest venue for a disclosure he made his own deci-sion He said he was taking control As a 35 year old this man has not been in control since he was first abused at age seven Subsequent abuse only reinforced for him that he was an object a thing not worth anything Relationship after relationship failed him as he con-tinued to relive issues of abandon-
there are over 6000 people regis-tered at MS and that when they get out they will find tremendous support at the MS website I can tell them about Weekends of Re-covery without disclosing that attending a WOR was one of the best things I have done with my life They will know that they are no longer alone And not once has anyone asked me directly about me If they did I could not reply which in a round about way is a reply But I cannot reply Why The institution that I work in can be as intolerant of differences and diver-sity as the inmates are of each other The whole notion of male abuse and assault simply does not exist It is not spoken of It will not be spoken of mdash until now
Because abuse is now spoken of I have been able to create a support network for inmates and for myself Itrsquos a small step but a step never-theless Itrsquos spoken of now at a level never before reached in terms of official support and direction Support has yet to be defined but I have a mandate now to do a better job for male survivors Itrsquos on paper Itrsquos my goal
Safety of all concerned has to remain first and foremost mdash safety for the inmate safety for me With inmates disclosing to me often for the first time I am struck by what happens next A huge can of worms is opened And for what There is little safety here little opportunity to follow up The court system tosses these men around like dice One day they are here the next they are God knows where Have I done something that perhaps I shouldnrsquot have Maybe
ment physical and sexual abuse sexual orientation confusion anger management substance abuse domestic violence self respect low self esteem boundaries mdash these and much more impact upon this man daily But hersquos making a start Itrsquos another chance We all need them
I would be remiss to not mention the support of my colleagues Some of them do know about me and they have been tremendously supportive and understanding They too share a belief that it is possible for men to become survivors I cannot imagine doing this work everyday without their ongoing support I love you guys
The resources I refer to are few the Menrsquos Project in Ottawa The Gate-house in Toronto as well as local sexual assault centres I discovered on my own road to recovery that our local sexual assault centre does in fact offer services to men but does not advertise this due to the fear of being inundated with refer-rals They simply are not equipped to handle what surely lies out in my community When the report of the Cornwall Inquiry comes out later this year it is my belief that it will force our government our society to re-examine how its treatment of boys and men is provided Hope-fully those who are like I was feeling alone fearful uncomfortable in their own skin will feel more enabled to come forward to shed that skin that was put on them by their abuser(s) and step out of the ordinary letting their souls ascend and become free
Vol 2 No 2
Page 34
A History of Male Survi-vor Services in Queacutebec
and First Nations Communities
By Caroline Benamza (dance and drama therapistpsychotherapist at CRIPHASE)
And by Benoicirct St Jean (Director of CRIPHASE)
Contact Tel +1-514-529-55-67 Email infocriphaseorg
Website wwwcriphaseorg
T he latest statistics in Queacutebec show that one out of every six men has been sexually
abused before the age of 18 but there are very few statistics regard-ing male survivors and this estima-tion is only based on reported abuse Most adult men or boys who are survivors go unnoticed because most of the services in Queacutebec are exclusively for women In 2008 the male population in Queacutebec was about 3800000 of which about 3000000 are above 20 years of age (from the Institut de la Statistique) Therefore we can estimate that in Queacutebec there are around 500000 male survivors actually visible within the different health care services justice system and police departments The num-ber is already frightening for a seemingly peaceful society like Queacutebec When it comes to Native American communities as many as 80 of boys have been sexually abused before the age of 18 This number is quite similar mdash but for different reasons mdash to the male population within the Federal or Provincial prisons
The reality of male survivors of sexual abuse in childhood has remained in the dark for years in Queacutebec and it is only in the last four years that the government has acknowledged the necessity of funding counseling services for male survivors Historically it can be explained The first services for survivors have been developed since the 1960s within the very strong Queacutebeacutecois feminist move-ments The women have built along the years a strong network of ser-vices for female vic-tims of sexual abuse and domestic vio-lence Today these services still exist as the CALACS (Centres dAide et de Lutte contre les Agressions agrave Caractegravere Sexuel = Sexual Assault Cen-tres) network for survivors of sexual abuse Due to a strong belief in pro-viding a safe haven for women survivors men were turned away from these services and had nowhere to go Only two survivorsrsquo centres in the Montreal area outside the CALACS network welcomed men but those men represent only 5 of clients
This situation became obvious when the CAVAC (Centre drsquoAide pour les Victime drsquoActes Criminels = Crime Victims Assistance Centres) started to provide counseling ser-
vices to victims of criminal acts who wished to press charges and go through a court procedure The first services in Queacutebec for male survivors therefore came from a strong need in the society In 1996 the CAVAC decided to fund an experimental program directed by Denis Reneacute to offer a support group for male survivors This program was named the PHASE Groups (Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = For Men Sexually Abused in Child-
hood) With the suc-cess of these first groups between 1996 and 1997 the CAVAC of Montreal tried to secure funding for the continuation of services Unfortu-nately the PHASE Groups suffered from the double status it carried within the government the Minister of Justice that was the main funder of the CAVAC refused to fund a counseling service supposedly to be funded by the Health Minister Later the Health Minister turned down the
funding because as part of CAVAC the program should have been funded by the Minister of Justice
So it was in 1997 that Denis Reneacute decided to secure the future of the PHASE Groups by registering them
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoWhen it comes to
Native American
communities as many
as 80 of boys have
been sexually abused
before the age of 18
This number is quite
similarmdashbut for different
reasonsmdashto the male
population within the
Federal or Provincial
prisonsrdquo
February 2009
Page 35
intimacy and sexuality issues) and PHASE Artistique (a 10 weeks art and movement therapy program) with a holistic approach to body and mind recovery
In 2008 the very first weekend of recovery (named PHASE Weekend) was created and CRIPHASE wishes to make the weekend an annual event In 2003 for the first time
CRIPHASE became a full member of the Table de Concertation en Agressions Sexuelles (a gathering of several organizations providing services to survivors in addition to representatives from the Justice the Health Minister and the police) This cooperation allows a better understanding of survivor issues and needs as well as a better coor-
within a non-profit organization that took the name CRIPHASE (Centre de Resources et drsquointervention Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = Resource and Intervention Centre for Men who have been Sexually Abused in Childhood) For 10 years the Groups have survived on pri-vate funding and have provided two recovery Groups called PHASE 1 and PHASE 2 Each PHASE is a 10-week program serving non-offending male survivors over 18 years of age and of all sexual orienta-tions With its first public funding in 2004 of $38000 a director was en-gaged by the board of administration and in 2008 the PSOC (a funding body within the agency of Health and Social Services) fi-nally secured the future of CRIPHASE with a first major funding rooting CRIPHASE in the circle of sexual abuse survivors centres
Since 2006 CRIPHASE has devel-oped a major politics of visibility through the media conferences and meetings with the different actors of the Queacutebeacutecois stage Three more programs have been developed within CRIPHASE PHASE Conjoint (for partners of male survivors) PHASE Sexo (a 10 weeks program of recovery focusing on
dination of services on the ground From within the Table CRIPHASE has been able to educate people on the issue of male survivors and participate or initiate projects such as the Information Guide for Sexual Assault Victims and the first pre-vention mobilization and aware-ness march for sexual abuse survi-vors in 2008 The presence of CRIPHASE at the Table has also
allowed the feminists within the CALACS to have a better under-standing of the suffer-ing of male survivors who are also victims in their own way of an old patriarchal system CRIPHASE was also finally incorporated in the CALACS coordina-tion groupmdashcalled Table des CALACS mdash in 2008
Until 2008 there were no services provided in English (Queacutebec is a French-speaking province where Eng-lish speakers are a minority) due to lack of funding to translate the PHASE 1 docu-ments and employ English-speaking therapists The project
to offer groups in English had been put aside for years but finally in 2008 the first groups of PHASE 1 and 2 opened for English speakers The PHASE Artistique and PHASE Weekend are now bilingual pro-grams
(Continued on page 36)
Phone calls received at CRIPHASE
male survivors
therapists
relatives and loved ones
other
The average male survivor using the services at CRIPHASE is aged between 35 and 55
Vol 2 No 2
Page 36
Male survivors in the Native American
communities Recovery programs within Native American communities are only starting Many Native American men were sexually abused as well as psychologically and emotionally abused when they were sent to boarding schools across the province for assimila-tion The effects of this traumatic experience (including historic trauma) can be seen in all First Nations of Queacutebec Algonquians Cris Innus Abenakis Innuits Micmacs and so forth Today there is a strong need of heal-ing for this lost gen-eration but traumatic experiences and con-sequences have been passed on to the next generations Unfortu-nately sexual abuse is one of these problems which need to be addressed through prevention and coun-seling in a way that will integrate Native American traditions and their holistic ap-proach to medicine Such programs already exist within some communi-ties Organizations like GRIPMA (Groupe de Recherches et dInter-ventions Psychosociales en Milieu Autochtone = Research and Inter-vention group in Aboriginal Com-munities) located in the Huron
History of Male Survivor Services (Continued from page 35)
community of Wendake (near Queacute-bec city) provide a clinical expertise in intervention within Native Ameri-can communities On the other side the Aboriginal Healing Foun-dation based in Ottawa is currently funding 16 recovery projects for the First Nations in Queacutebec ad-dressing sexual abuse addiction prevention of suicide boarding schools trauma etc until 2010
Last year the publication of the five-year funding plan on sexual abuse by the provincial govern-ment of Queacutebec has seen the recognition of male survivors as a population in great need of ser-vices It has also recognized the necessity of providing services to the First Nations communities
Things are changing in Queacutebec for male survivors Because CRIPHASE is the only organization providing support and counseling to men in Queacutebec who have been sexually abused in childhood there is great hope for an increase of funding this year The constant develop-ment of CRIPHASE and the increase in phone calls and numbers of guys within the services (in 2008-
2009 there will be seven groups of PHASE 1 in-stead of five the year before) also show that men in Queacutebec are get-ting the right information on sexual abuse and services and are being encouraged to look for help and engage in re-covery
If you are one of these men in Queacutebec we are waiting for your call Remember you are not alone
For the annual march event please visit wwwmarchevasca (Information for the May 2009 march will be on line from February 2009)
Quilt Square by a Native Child from Alberta From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 37
MaleSurvivor is men surviving sexual abuse in Canada we will start with Canadarsquos sad legacy of abuse of children by clergy
A Brief Incomplete Canadian History
In Canada our First Nations People have had to bear the legacy of abuse they endured in Canadarsquos notorious residential schools Cur-rent issues of addictions and family and mental health problems amongst our First Nations people can be traced back to the legacy of abuse experienced by Native chil-dren in residential schools
Around 1874 the federal government began working with the churches (Catholic Anglican United and Presbyte-rian) to set up the Residential School System as a means to suppress Native cul-ture and promote assimilation In gen-eral children between the ages of five and 16 were taken from their parents and sent to church-run residen-tial schools The extent of the abuse in these church-run schools has been referred to as the ldquoCanadian Holocaustrdquo Recently the Canadian Government formed the Truth and Reconciliation Commis-sion (TRC) as part of the court-approved Indian Residential Schools Settlement Agreement The
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious
Leader By Nancy N Mayer MSW RSW
Partner Crisci amp Mayer Consultation Counselling and
Training Toronto wwwckmconsultationcom
Introduction
L ikely all the readers of this newsletter have knowledge and expertise about men
being physically sexually and emotionally abused Research tells us that abusers can come from any
walk of life and most often are known to the child or adult In the last decade abuse by clergy has finally ldquocome out of the closetrdquo so to
speak thanks to those brave survi-vors who have made public their experiences of being abused by clergy More than ever survivor groups are encouraging victims to report these crimes to the police and to consider seeking civil re-dress for their injuries Many groups believe that change in churches will only come when they are held accountable for the abuse perpetrated by clergy
This article will attempt to address the distinctive issues that are com-mon to this population of survivors Because the focus of this issue of
purpose of the commission is not to determine guilt or innocence but to create an historical account of the residential schools help people to heal and encourage reconciliation between Aboriginal and non-aboriginal Canadians
The notorious Mount Cashel Or-phanage is another Canadian leg-acy of sexual abuse by clergy This facility was operated in Newfound-land by the Christian Brothers More than a dozen priests were convicted after decades of abusing young boys at the orphanage
Mount Cashel Or-phanage closed in 1989 just six months after allegations of sexual physical and emotional abuse were published by the media (For more in depth information see Harris Michael Unholy Orders Trag-edy at Mount Cashel Ontario Viking Press 1990)
Like the US there have been hundreds and perhaps thou-sands of cases of children and vulner-
able adults abused by clergy in every religious denomination Unlike the US our country is not bound as strictly by statutes of limitations so lawsuits can proceed more freely Our sentences for convicted clerical sex offenders are
(Continued on page 38)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Nancy N Mayer
ldquo[First Nations] children
between the ages of five
and 16 were taken from
their parents and sent to
church-run residential
schools The extent of
the abuse in these
church-run schools has
been referred to as the
lsquoCanadian Holocaustrsquoldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 38
nowhere near as severe as those of our American neighbours Most first offenders will not serve a day in jail The civil awards for personal inju-ries are also quite low Our court system promotes set-tling these cases out of court When a case fails to go to trial it is not part of the public re-cord The widespread use of confidentiality orders media fatigue and Canadian reserve means that it is impos-sible to obtain accurate statistics on how often men are abused by clergy or even the ex-tent of the problem in this country
The Authority of Rel igious Leaders Religious organizations have always played a central role in our so-cieties They provide moral ethical and spiritual guidance Reli-gious teachings have given us a context and meaning for our lives Most religious belief revolves around a divine power or God Religious leaders (ministers priests rabbis elders nuns) are thought to be Godrsquos earthly repre-sentatives and are treated with reverence and respect They have intimate involvement with families and children at such vulnerable times as an illness death or other family crises They may have access
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 37)
to confidential information by virtue of their roles of confessor or counsellor A child brought up by religious parents is taught to re-spect these men and women Oth-ers associated with churches mdash choir leaders teachers cantors youth group leaders mdash are also considered trustworthy by virtue of their close
association with their religious organizations Most parents en-courage their childrenrsquos participa-tion in church-based activities believing them to be safe and wholesome
These leaders are considered to be esteemed authorities and as repre-sentatives of God wield a great deal of power Depending on the faith group there may be teachings
that support an unquestioning adherence to their instructions and guidance This makes children and vulnerable adults particularly sus-ceptible to exploitation by this group because they have access opportunity and trust
Misuse of Power Perpetrators can utilize their positions of power and trust to gain access to their victims some-times for extended periods of uninterrupted time They may tell children that they are being asked to ldquoserve Godrdquo or that they or their families will be punished if they do not do as instructed Chil-dren may be threatened with eternal damnation or blamed for leading the religious leader into sin If the religion con-siders premarital sex or same sex contacts as sinful the guilt will be compounded
In most cases the victim will not disclose or may disclose but not be
believed A child will have a difficult time convincing adults that he or she has been victimized The vic-timrsquos family culture or communi-ties have been socialized to see their religious leaders as unques-tionably good and incapable of lies This can lead to others denying or minimizing the victimrsquos experience of abuse The victim is initially harmed by the abuser and then is revictimized by those who cannot
ldquoMay Hope be Passed through Every Handrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 39
institutionrsquos response and lack of compassion and pastoral care
The Impact on Spir ituality
The frequently used term ldquosoul murderrdquo aptly describes what hap-pens when the abuser is a religious leader When the response of the religious institu-tion to a disclosure of abuse is experienced as self-serving and uncaring the survivor will likely lose his faith in the religious community of which he has been a part To belong and to feel connected is a basic human need When abused by clergy the loss of connection and belonging to what may have been a spiritual anchor can be devastating
To compound the harm the abuse may have occurred in a religious building The abuser may have worn traditional cleri-cal attire or may have made religious or biblical refer-ences As a result being exposed to religious symbols music or any other reminder can trigger flashbacks and other uncomfortable physical symptoms
The cleric is often considered Godrsquos representative on earth This gives the cleric power that surpasses his position and status When abuse is at the hands of a minister nun
accept that their spiritual leaders are capable of abuse There are many stories of clergy abuse survi-vors being abandoned by their religious communities (who side with the cleric) and their families who cannot face leaving the church that has given their lives meaning and comfort The resultant feelings of betrayal and abandonment are profound
The Role of the Religious Inst itutions
When religious institutions hold themselves up as ethical compasses and arbitrators of right and wrong society has an expectation that church leaders will act in a fair and moral way Many US Commissions and Grand Juries and Canadian reports such as the Winter Com-mission Report (Archdiocese of St Johns Newfoundland Canada 1990) Child Abuse in Community Institutions and Organizations and Improving Public and Professional Understanding (prepared for the Law Commission of Canada) all record and explain the dynamics that have lead to the failure of religious institutions to protect our children
While it is well known that any institution mdash educational recrea-tional or spiritual mdash is not immune from having sex offenders in its midst the religious institutions have a particular legacy of protect-ing the institution through aggres-sive legal tactics versus truth telling and reconciliation Many victims state that they have been less wounded by the actual abuse and profoundly more damaged by the
priest rabbi minister or elder the recipient of the abuse may experi-ence profound guilt for ldquoparticipatingrdquo in ldquosinfulrdquo behaviour mdash a mistaken belief that he is respon-sible for the abuse or shame that
he has ldquosinnedrdquo He may believe he is deserving of rejection or eternal damnation If he confesses he risks exposing the cleric who has likely done what he could to trick the victim into believing that he must maintain silence and secrecy One survivor describes feeling that rdquoIt was like being abused by God him-self If even God couldnrsquot love me how could anyone else ever love merdquo
These factors alone can leave a man who has been abused by clergy unable to find comfort and solace in what used to be his spiritual beliefs and his church Without these familiar beliefs the survivor is aban-
doned and alone when he most needs support
The Role of Gender While woman are ordained in some denominations there is still an imbalance of power between men and women in many religious tradi-tions For boys and men abused by male clerics embarrassment and
(Continued on page 40)
ldquoThe frequently used
term lsquosoul murderrsquo aptly
describes what happens
when the abuser is a
religious leader When
the response of the
religious institution to a
disclosure of abuse is
experienced as self-
serving and uncaring
the survivor will likely
lose his faith in the
religious community of
which he has been
a partrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 40
concerns of how they will be per-ceived promote silence For the boy or man abused by a female cleric there may be worries that he will be labelled the seducer or pres-sured to consider this ldquorelationshiprdquo as non-abusive
The study conducted by the John Jay Col-lege of Criminal Jus-tice regarding The Nature and Scope of the Problem of Sexual Abuse of Minors by Priests and Deacons in the Catholic Church (Washington DC USCCB 2004) found some very disturbing information about the age and gender of victims The largest group of reported victims (509) was between the ages of 11 and 14 273 of victims were 15 to 17 16 were eight to 10 and nearly 6 were under age seven Overall 81 of vic-tims were male and 19 female Male victims tended to be older than female victims Over 40 of all victims were males between the ages of 11 and 14
The largest group of reported victims in this study consisted of boys who were entering puberty This is a tumultuous time in most
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 39)
young menrsquos lives To have this period of development disrupted can contribute to many mental health problems including lack of confidence disruption of emo-tional sexual and psycho-social development isolation sexual identity confusion depression anxiety and abuse of substances
In Summary The harm experienced by those
who are abused by clergy is profound and multifaceted Some therapists will not want to work with survivors of clergy abuse due to the complexity of their issues their limited knowledge of the subject area possible religious biases and potential for litigation Most (but certainly not all) survivors will have experienced revictimization by their churches or religious institutions This compounded by abuse by a religious leader in a position of power will under-standably lead to unique challenges Survivors will have
significant trust issues that can impede the forming of a trusting therapeutic relationship with a therapist who will also be in a position of power and may be an employee of an institution With transparency and skill on the part of the therapist and tenacity on the part of the survivor effective thera-
peutic partnership can be achieved While recovery is difficult it is possible
The irony is that many survivors of abuse by clergy have a strong sense of integrity morality and perseverance They learned the lessons that the ldquoreligiousrdquo offend-ers failed to learn At the core of their beings these clergy abuse survivors are the prophets who have come to speak the truth and reveal the abuse and the decep-tions It is this desire for social justice truth telling belonging and connection that will allow a healthy spiritual belief system to rise out of the ashes of what has happened It is this healthy spiritual belief that makes many clergy abuse survivors persistent and tenacious in seeking recovery and social justice They are making a difference and chang-ing the world as we know it
ldquoThe harm experienced
by those who are
abused by clergy is
profound and
multifaceted Some
therapists will not want
to work with survivors
of clergy abuse due to
the complexity of their
issues their limited
knowledge of the
subject area possible
religious biases and
potential for litigationldquo
February 2009
Page 41
tion of it earlier in the lsquo90s but 1997 is when there was a critical mass of mostly male survivors coming forward and taking action against Maple Leaf Gardens Your question specifically was ldquoDid it play a role in my choice of ca-reersrdquo
MS Yes
SJ Yes and no The Maple Leaf
Gardens cases were not my first sexual assault cases but my in-volvement in these cases solidified my interest and desire to help sur-vivors
MS Could you take a few minutes to explain to our readers just what the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal was and why it has played a central role in revealing the extent of sex-ual abuse at least in the Toronto area
of my clients will say something like ldquoYou know this is not about the money I donrsquot care how much I get this is about something elserdquo And whatever that person seeks mdash an apology or the empowerment of filing a lawsuit or a million other unique things mdash that is why I do this kind of work Itrsquos about helping people through whatever process they need in order to begin that healing process the moving forward process
MS And also to provide your clients with a sense of justice
SJ Absolutely Justice is really not about the money itrsquos about the knowledge that theyrsquove come forward theyrsquove done something and theyrsquove empowered themselves It takes a tre-mendous amount of courage to do that I am always in awe of my cli-ents for the amount of courage they have They are my inspiration
MS Many Americans are unaware of the so-called Maple Leaf Gar-dens sex scandal that began some-time in the 1960s but didnrsquot come to wide public attention until 1997 the year after you began practicing law Did this scandal have some affect on your choice of career
SJ Actually the scandal did come to prominence before 1997 There was scattered media atten-
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 1)
SJ Sure There was a series of men who were employed at Maple Leaf Gardens which was the home of the Toronto Maple Leafs mdash the hockey club mdash who over a period of a couple of decades sexually abused probably hundreds of chil-dren It started in the lsquo60s it went on we believe until the early lsquo80s There were two principal men in-volved but there were at least three
others who also were ac-cused In order to under-stand why the Maple Leaf Gardens sex scandals are as important as they are you have to understand that hockey in Toronto and hockey in Canada is almost a religion Hockey is to Canadians what the NFL or Major League Baseball is to Americans Every little boy dreams of about becoming the next Wayne Gretzky becoming the best hockey player he can be Maple Leaf Gar-dens was the home of one of the best loved and biggest hockey teams mdash the Toronto Maple Leafs The Gardens was the high
temple of hockey in Canada and still is In the lsquo60s lsquo70s and even the lsquo80s children mdash mostly boys mdash would go to Maple Leaf Gardens usually unaccompanied by their parents because back then nobody really thought that anything bad would happen to them at the Gar-dens The boys would go there ei-ther for practice games or to watch the Maple Leafs play or more likely they would go to watch To-
(Continued on page 42)
ldquoMaple Leaf Gardens in Memory of Martin Kruzerdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 42
ronto Marlies games The Marlies were the farm team for the Toronto Maple Leafs During these games and these practices the pedophiles who worked at the Gardenrsquos would often befriend these boys seeking out boys who were more vulner-able than others most likely and would sexually assault the boys sometimes off-property but most often within the Gardens itself They would use their position as employees of the Gardens to be able to say to the boys if you come with me Irsquoll get you a broken hockey stick or hockey puck or Irsquoll get you into better seats the next game or whatever other type of inducement would be necessary to get the boys to go with them into either a washroom or a training room or other private place where the boys would be sexually abused
In 1997 there were about 50 or 60 cases all joined to-gether and Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Entertainment Ltd wanted to settle all the cases prior to the Toronto Maple Leafs moving into a new hockey rink called the Air Canada Center so as to have a clean slate at the new rink By and large a lot of the litigation was fin-ished before the team moved into the Air Canada Center but not all of it In fact there are probably 17 or 19 cases going through the court
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 41)
system today more than 10 years after the original large group of plaintiffs went through the court and I believe that new people will continue to come forward when they are strong enough
MS I understand that one of the principal plaintiffs in the case Mar-tin Kruze had settled with the owners or the operators of the Ma-ple Leaf Gardens in 1995 and that he signed a confidentiality agree-ment not to reveal the settlement
or perhaps even the details of what had happened to him Do you think that the confidentiality agree-ment Mr Kruze agreed to slowed down or hindered the full exposure of this scandal
SJ I think that any confidentiality agreement blocks public access to knowledge and to understanding so I do suspect that Martinrsquos confi-dentiality agreement did have some impact on the scandal re-
maining hidden for as long as it did Absolutely yes I believe that confidentiality agreements are in-herently difficult for plaintiffs be-cause they create and continue a cycle of secrecy Sexual assault is a crime that is almost always carried out in secret and the guilt and shame it produces is key in helping pedophiles maintain their hold over their victims Putting a confidential-ity agreement on a settlement just perpetuates the guilt and the shame
MS Unfortunately Martin Kruzersquos principal perpetrator received a shockingly light sen-tence for all his actions and I understand that this led to Martin com-mitting suicide shortly afterwards
SJ I would think that the perpetratorrsquos sentence was a part of why Martin chose to end his life yes It hap-pened relatively shortly after the sentencing and I suspect that it weighed heavily on Martinrsquos decision
MS Do you think that the sen-tence that the perpetrator received was a reflection of the then current attitude towards pedophiles and sexual abuse
SJ The sentence that the perpe-trator received was a reflection on the way that the Canadian justice system deals with criminals regard-ing personal crimes absolutely It was a very low sentence in keep-
Imants Kruze visiting his sonrsquos memorial quilt square in the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 43
obtain here versus how much they can obtain in the United States In the United States there is no cap for pain and suffering awards whereas here in Canada there is a very small cap mdash about $325000 If a survivor of sexual assault goes through the court system and even if they have a very good day in court in terms of compensation yoursquore probably looking at an award for dam-ages somewhere be-tween $200000 and $500000 Sometimes itrsquos actually less than $200000 and very very rarely more than $500000 so in that sense we are defi-nitely behind But I donrsquot think itrsquos a question of waiting 10 years to see if we ldquocatch uprdquo I think itrsquos just a fundamental difference in how our court system works and whatrsquos available to survivors in terms of compensation
If you mean that Canada is 10 years behind in dealing with other aspects of sexual assault then you are probably correct in terms of media attention public awareness and outrage Sexual assault is still largely an unreported unprose-cuted crime But things are getting better every day and as more and more survivors come forward posi-tive changes will continue to hap-pen
MS As Irsquom sure you know therersquos periodic discussion about tort re-
ing with what was handed out at the time and to a large extent itrsquos still in keeping with what is handed out right now
MS Are you still representing or have you represented anyone who is a plaintiff in this scandal
SJ I was very much involved in the core group of Maple Leaf Gar-dens survivors that came forward in 1997 I was on what was called the plaintiffsrsquo committee back then which was a group of a few lawyers who brought the litigation forward I represented a number of plaintiffs in the original group that came forward I have also represented quite a few men throughout the last 10 years and currently repre-sent two men in the last group of plaintiffs to come forward I have also been approached by at least two other men who may decide to pursue litigation
MS Dale English mdash who has spo-ken to you at some length mdash has said to me that either you or he or both of you have felt that Canada is perhaps 10 or more years behind the US in dealing with the issues of sexual abuse and sexual assault Could you elaborate on that com-ment
SJ I think it depends on what you mean by dealing with the is-sues If you mean dealing with the issues in terms of bringing civil cases forward to a certain extent we are behind One of the funda-mental differences between the United States and Canada is the way that our tort systems operate and specifically the amount of compensation that tort victims can
form in the United States mainly aimed at capping punitive dam-ages Irsquom wondering whether there is the mirror of that in Canada mdash whether therersquos any movement to-wards tort reform that would allow greater awards to victims
SJ Well there is and there isnrsquot In Canada itrsquos very difficult if not
impossible to get pu-nitive damages espe-cially if therersquos a criminal conviction The punitive damages that are available in Canada are very low A typical punitive damage award would be $20000 or $25000 - usually not much more than that So damages are quite restricted here in any event In terms of tort reform I think there is a global push by in-surance companies to
try to limit compensation whether in the States or here The things that the American Association of Justice are fighting for down in the States are the same things that the Ontario Trial Lawyers Association are fighting for here mdash the continued ability to sue for compensation un-hampered by legislative roadblocks benefitting powerful institutional defendants to the detriment of those who have suffered Ours is a much smaller playing field and therefore less money is at stake In terms of plaintiffsrsquo lawyers wersquore trying to maximize the compensa-tion that we can get for our client Every time we go to court we try
(Continued on page 44)
ldquoIf you mean that
Canada is 10 years
behind in dealing with
other aspects of sexual
assault then you are
probably correct in
terms of media
attention public
awareness and outrageldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 44
to get a higher damage award so that that case will be a building block for future cases There are always attempts to try to circum-vent the cap on pain and suffering damages that we have Itrsquos not an easy thing to do the cap has been in place in Canada for 32 years now It was put in place in 1977 by the Supreme Court of Canada and itrsquos unlikely to be overturned any-time soon Even though from a purely theoretical legal analysis that cap does not apply to pain and suffering damages for victims of sexual assault and sexual abuse the reality is that judges still use that cap as a high water mark even though it doesnrsquot formally apply mdash it is still a de facto cap and to be honest with you it is almost impos-sible to get anywhere near that cap for compensation for pain and suf-fering A typical pain and suffering award in Canada for childhood sex-ual abuse is somewhere between $100000 and $200000 Anything on top of that would be associated economic loss or care costs
MS Itrsquos quite unfortunate that even though therersquos no real cap the law behaves as if there were one
SJ Yep I couldnrsquot agree with you more Itrsquos very unfortunate
MS I understand that in 2005 the government of Ontario convened whatrsquos known as the Cornwall Pub-lic Inquiry Was the Inquiry con-vened to address the issues of sex-ual abuse and sexual assault and
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 43)
the way the justice system is han-dling it
SJ Thatrsquos probably one of the reasons the Inquiry was convened Thatrsquos one of the hopes The In-quiry was convened because of what was going on in a little city east of Toronto mdash a series of allega-tions against very prominent mem-bers of that community involving the sexual abuse of children over a period of many many years The idea behind the Inquiry is to try to figure out what happened and to put in place some recommenda-tions that will not only stop some-thing like the abuse in Cornwall from happening again but will also try to help those who were affected by the events in the first place And to some extent I think some good will come of the Inquiry Hopefully the recommendations will be good for survivors of childhood sexual abuse or any kind of sexual assault The Submission phase of the In-quiry officially ended late February 2009
MS Did you have the opportunity to testify before the Inquiry
SJ I did not personally testify before the Inquiry Testimony was generally limited to the people ac-tually involved mdash police officers vic-tims what not I was involved in the Inquiry with regards to a panel discussionroundtable that they had regarding the use of confiden-tiality agreements
MS As you probably know Male-Survivor was first founded in the early 1980s by a group of thera-pists who were concerned about support for victims of childhood
sexual abuse and although Male-Survivor is still not a very large or-ganization it has increased its in-fluence significantly over the years and Irsquom wondering whether there is a similar non-profit or other group in Canada that also is dedi-cated to helping victims of child-hood sexual abuse
SJ There are some grass roots organizations that deal with victims of childhood sexual abuse or adult sexual assault I donrsquot believe there is as cohesive a unit as MaleSurvi-vor I may be wrong on that but there are smaller more community based organizations that assist sur-vivors That being said resources available to survivors are unfortu-nately pretty limited
MS Is that because there are too few therapists in that form of prac-tice
SJ I think itrsquos a mixture of many different things First of all Canada has a much smaller population base mdash 30 million people as com-pared to 300 million in the United States mdash so you have significantly fewer people affected and there-fore you have significantly fewer resources available to those people The services that we do have will often have very long waiting lists before people can access them There are some very very good counselors in Canada assisting sur-vivors but unfortunately the waiting lists are sometimes long and the availability for public funding to provide services free of charge is somewhat limited
MS Is there anything in your opinion about the Canadian health
February 2009
Page 45
system that contributes to the scar-city of services
SJ I donrsquot know if itrsquos the Cana-dian health system I think that in Canada we have a pretty good public health system in the sense that anybody who needs medical services can access those services free of charge The problem is that a lot of these services are not covered under our health system per se Many are covered under either private plans or pay as you go type services and itrsquos just a question of finding the people who can provide these services and being lucky enough to get them when they either donrsquot have a waiting list or other-wise having to wait until your name comes up on that waiting list
MS And that could takes years in some cases it seems
SJ My understanding is that those waiting lists can be quite long but there are very good peo-ple out there Itrsquos just a question of finding them and being able to afford them
MS Can you elaborate on other differences between the US and Canada that affect the way survi-vors and perpetrators are treated by the legal system and the media
SJ The differences between Can-ada and the US are really huge On the surface Americans and Canadi-ans look pretty much the same dress the same talk the same eat the same foods and by and large watch the same TV but culturally there is a huge difference in the way we look at the world in the
way our legal system works and the way that people interact with one another
Americans are much more litigious by na-ture I think this is due to the fact that in the United States mdash at least as seen from the outside mdash the rights of the individual are paramount In Can-ada less so Canada is much more commu-nity-oriented We of-tentimes think about how something is going to affect others instead of looking at what an individual might be entitled to I think that the high
damage awards available through the American legal system are beneficial in sexual abuse cases as is the lack of a cap on awards which we have
In some ways though our legal system is much better for my cli-ents than the US system would be because of the way that our actual process works One of the things that I know is very damaging to a lot of plaintiffs in the United States is the whole discovery process tak-
ing depositions Depositions can go on for a huge number of days and pretty much everybody in the per-sonrsquos life can be called to give a deposition That is very troubling and painful for people who donrsquot necessarily want others to know about their abuse or donrsquot want to involve their family Here in Canada depositions mdash or what we call the examination for discovery mdash are lim-ited to the actual named parties in the lawsuit The defendant and the plaintiff are examined for discovery or deposed if you will Anyone who is not an actual party to the litiga-tion can only be discovered under court orders and itrsquos very difficult to get those court orders so in that sense itrsquos a much quicker cleaner process and less intrusive on some-onersquos life So that is probably a good thing
The other really huge difference between the two systems which I think does in fact impact on why a lot of these cases settle as opposed to going to court and oftentimes settle for very different amounts of money than they would if they went to court is that in Canada we have a ldquoloser paysrdquo system If you go to court and you lose you have to pay at least a portion of the fees incurred by the other side Letrsquos say the defendantrsquos settlement offer is $100000 If the plaintiff does not accept that $100000 and at trial the plaintiff gets $99000 then the plaintiff has to pay the lawyerrsquos fees of the defendant because the award is less than the settlement offer That is very difficult That means that a lot of cases are set-tled for probably less money than
(Continued on page 46)
ldquoOn the surface
Americans and
Canadians look pretty
much the same hellip but
culturally there is a
huge difference in the
way we look at the
world in the way our
legal system works and
the way that people
interact with one
anotherldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 46
MS I join you in that hope Any-thing that can advance the cause of not only helping people but also helping prevent further abuses is always going to be welcome If you could set forth a vision of how you would like to see the law and the therapeutic community in Canada evolve to handle matters of child-
hood sexual abuse and sexual assault mdash if you could influence the reform of institu-tions what would your vision be
SJ Oh Richard Wow Well first and foremost I would love to raise public aware-ness of this issue for various reasons I think that increased public awareness will not necessarily reduce the instances of abuse but will help improve how abuse is dealt with when itrsquos ongoing and after-wards Itrsquos very im-portant that when a child is hurt that
child knows that he can go to peo-ple for help and support All too often if kids get up enough cour-age to tell someone the reaction they get is not very positive I think that with increased public aware-ness hopefully people will under-stand that there are ways to deal with this that will decrease the amount of harm so public aware-ness is paramount
I would like the legal system to raise compensation awards for sur-
turning point in bringing to the publicrsquos attention that the sexual assault of children can happen does happen and itrsquos a very diffi-cult thing for anyone to go through whether theyrsquore little boys or grown men that were abused as children It brought childhood sex-ual abuse out of the shadows to a certain extent The scandal still garners media attention as new survivors come forward but not the same as it did 10 years ago
MS Would you say that the lack of inves-tigative reporting is a cultural phenomenon or is it that the news-papers donrsquot feel they have that role
SJ Oh no Canadian newspapers do feel that they have a role in investigating things but for whatever rea-son sexual abuse of children has not been a priority The Cana-dian media really has not been at the forefront of this issue the way the media in the United States has been and I think that is tremen-dously disappointing The lack of media attention means that we arenrsquot fostering the awareness within the public that we need in order to provide real help and ser-vices for survivors We need the mediarsquos help to bring this horrific crime to light and to help stop it from happening
they would get if they went to court because that risk of going to court and not getting at least the amount of the original offer weighs heavily on everyone Our system is designed and geared toward avoid-ing trials which can be good be-cause nobody really wants to go through a trial but can be bad be-cause people become very intimi-dated by the prospect of losing or not getting as much as the settle-ment offer and being indebted to the defendant for a lot of money Thatrsquos a scary scary thing to go through
With regards to the media the US has a media that by and large has helped out a lot with sexual abuse cases The whole issue of clergy abuse really started with investiga-tive reporting by the Boston Globe right
MS Right
SJ They really took that issue and just ran with it Here in Canada we really havenrsquot had the same kind of investigative media cover-age as yoursquove had which is why events like the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal are not as huge as they are down in the States
Before Martin Kruze committed sui-cide the media was only somewhat interested in the Maple Leaf Gar-dens scandal Martin Kruze was a figure because he had sued the Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Com-plex But after he committed sui-cide the media was really galva-nized and that was probably a
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 45)
ldquoThe lack of media
attention means that we
arenrsquot fostering the
awareness within the
public that we need in
order to provide real
help and services for
survivors We need the
mediarsquos help to bring
this horrific crime to
light and to help stop it
from happeningrdquo
February 2009
Page 47
ments but it canrsquot at this stage really happen through the courts
I would want there to be an ability for institutions or perpetrators mdash de-fendants mdash to look beyond mere dollars and cents and look toward healing the person that they have hurt either directly or indirectly All too often in these cases we really become tied up in the legal minu-tiae of things as opposed to defen-dants saying ldquoOK letrsquos step back here and letrsquos try to helprdquo
I wish that there were a real under-standing that these cases are not car accident cases and they should
not be treated as car accident cases My clients are not people whorsquove broken a leg and therefore need X amount of dollars in order to pay for medical services or whatnot And unfortu-nately that doesnrsquot necessarily happen
In terms of the thera-peutic community I would love to see counseling and therapy ses-sions be paid for through the pub-lic purse so that people who re-quire the services of highly-skilled counselors and therapists and psy-chologists can access those services without having to pay for them A lot of clients just donrsquot have the economic means to pay for such services until after they get a set-tlement and that could take years It would be wonderful to see those kinds of services funded the same way as a trip to the emergency room or a trip to your family doc-tor for a cold is funded Irsquod love to
vivors The amount of damage that can be done as a result of child-hood abuse or in fact any kind of sexual assault is tremendous It affects almost every aspect of someonersquos life It becomes inter-generational because it affects the people around the survivor and compensation awards are still very much a pale reflection of what is needed in order to help these peo-ple I hope that at some point our judges and our legislature under-stand that need and can corre-spondingly give appropriate and reasonable damage awards so that people can start to rebuild their lives in a meaningful way
I would love there to be an opportunity within our civil system for more than just compensation At this stage the only thing that a civil judge can do is award monetary compensation There are a lot of creative things that you can do within a settlement that are not purely fi-nancial that can give a lot of sol-ace to someone who has been abused whether that be in the form of some non-financial healing whether it be in the form of a situation where somebody can con-front their abuser if thatrsquos what they wish to do in a safe setting or whether itrsquos the ability for that sur-vivor to do something outside of pure simple dollars and put for-ward some sort of healing plan that is as individual as they are That can happen through settle-
be able to see that I think that that would go a long way to helping people earlier rather than later
Ultimately I wish that this situation didnrsquot exist anymore and I would be put out of business frankly
MS Well I can certainly sympa-thize with the way you feel but it would seem that you have a career ahead of you dealing with this problem
SJ Unfortunately I think you are right I think that instances of child-hood sexual abuse are not neces-sarily going down I think that insti-tutions are getting a little bit better at putting in place policies and sometimes even following their own policies to stop pedophiles from entering those institutions and preying on people that those insti-tutions are theoretically set up to serve but I think that as long as the problem of childhood sexual abuse is with us I will be out there trying to help anybody that I can
MS Is there anything else yoursquod like to say to our readers
SJ I think that organizations such as MaleSurvivor are imperative in helping people understand that they are not alone that itrsquos not their fault and there are ways to get help So hats off to an organi-zation such as yours The clients I have who are involved in your or-ganization are very very well served so I have to thank you for being a resource
MS Thank you very much for your kind comments and for your time Simona
ldquoUltimately I wish that
this situation didnrsquot exist
anymore and I would be
put out of business
franklyrdquo
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-
Vol 2 No 2
Page 16
high schools were resistant to al-lowing staff members to enter their school and provide educational programs Having a male on staff proved to be beneficial and the program grew rapidly Fortunately mdash and unfortunately mdash the media be-gan writing articles about me and the educational programs Once the Ministry folks became aware a man was on the payroll of the cen-tre my position was terminated I was told that funding was specifi-cally designed for women to pro-
vide services for women To the credit of the crisis centre they had me volun-teer for six months until they could se-cure funding from the local United Way They seemed less concerned about a man wanting to pro-vide services to peo-ple in need
History was being made We became the first sexual assault crisis centre in Canada to open a separate satellite office for a
menrsquos program This was not something celebrated by all crisis centres I was asked to advocate for men but to keep quiet at the same time The program became very successful and more and more male survivors were asking for ser-vices Unfortunately in 2002 the local United Way decided to reduce their support after having a trou-
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
The Circle of Compassion
By Tom Wilken
T hanks to Dale English of the MaleSurvivor newsletter for asking me to write an article
about my experiences working with male sexual abuse survivors in Can-ada As an advocate it seems like the journey of working with survi-vors has many societal obstacles but we are moving forward slowly but surely I often wonder why it is so challenging for Canadians to include male survivors into the circle of compas-sion
In 1991 I accepted a role with the local sexual assault crisis centre and attended one of their training programs On the first day the female facili-tator looked at me and said ldquoyou must be a brave manrdquo I had no idea what she was talking about at the time but I sure do now For the next eleven years I was employed in an adversarial political roller coaster ride that made advocating for men a daunting task Nevertheless I am very thankful for that opportunity I started as a part-time support worker counseling men My posi-tion evolved and included the role of an Education Co-Coordinator The crisis centre found the local
bling fund raising year Since the gender of the clientele was male the crisis centre was unable to top up funding and the male program was removed from the services of-fered by this crisis centre This may sound discriminatory and perhaps even a human rights issue because it is In Canada we pride ourselves in celebrating diversity but unfor-tunately that does not always in-clude the needs of male survivors
Something exciting happened in 2002 Health Canada asked me to update their ldquoAdult Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse - Overview Pa-perrdquo which was distributed throughout the country by the Na-tional Clearinghouse on Family Vio-lence Until that point in time the Overview Paper was predominately written about the concerns of fe-male survivors without any equality for the concerns of male survivors There was some resistance voiced by a crisis centre about a man writ-ing about both genders but Health Canada took a chance and re-quested I complete the Overview Paper that spoke to the similarities and differences regarding the re-covery process of both genders This paper was considered success-ful and a second printing was needed to meet the requests by Canadians This was so rewarding for me and it helped me to realize that there is hope for male survi-vors
Facilitating groups for male survi-vors was an exciting part of my role at the crisis centre Being with men who are being ldquorealrdquo and sup-
ldquoThe Canadian
government has known
for years that 37 of
sexual abuse survivors
under the age of 21 are
male however they do
not open their hearts for
male survivors and
welcome them into the
circle of compassionrdquo
February 2009
Page 17
ple as well The main difference was they responded to their woundedness in a different fashion It is estimated that on any given day there are over 100000 people on probation in the province of Ontario It is also estimated that up to 80 of these folks may have been sexually abused This equates
to 80000 sexual abuse survivors who are on probation most of whom are male We also know that 59 of people in prison are sexual abuse survivors Sadly probation officers are not trained in sexual abuse recovery issues It is interest-ing to note that I work with more male survivors as a Probation Offi-cer than when I worked at the crisis centre When people are not given healthy outlets for expressing their anger it can manifest in less desir-able ways
I started the ldquoWe Want to Knowrdquo project in 2003 which was partially sponsored by the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness and the now
porting one another throughout the healing process is truly a magi-cal experience The men receiving services were both grateful and angry They were grateful to be receiving services but angry these services were not available when they were younger They wondered why so many other male survivors
are not given the same opportunity to heal Seven men from group consented to having their healing journey documented during thirty weeks of group counseling Thus the book Rebuilding Your House of Self Respect Men Recovering from Childhood Sexual Abuse first edi-tion was in the works
In 2002 I accepted a position as a Probation Officer with the Ministry of Community Safety and Correc-tional Services After working with victims for over a decade I won-dered if the adjustment to working with offenders was possible It did-nrsquot take long to realize that people who offended were wounded peo-
closed Windsor Family Forum We were able to fulfill the dream of the seven courageous men from group by distributing copies of the RYHSR book to agencies throughout Can-ada
Millions of dollars are spent in Can-ada for sexual assault crisis centres and other programs for female sur-
vivors These valuable programs for women are underfunded but un-fortunately there are rarely any services specifically for men The Canadian government has known for years that 37 of sexual abuse survivors under the age of 21 are male however they do not open their hearts for male survivors and welcome them into the circle of compassion
In 2007 the Diocese of London Ontario provided funding for my business Hope amp Healing Associ-ates and the Silence to Hope (STH) project was born The Diocese in-creased their funding from $30000
(Continued on page 18)
A Circle of Compassion (uncredited photo)
Vol 2 No 2
Page 18
material to the Ministry of Commu-nity Safety and Correctional Ser-vices the Ministry of Children and Youth Services Victim Services the Ontario Provincial Police and other various other agencies Over 1500 free copies of the second edition of my book Rebuilding Your House of Self Respect Men Recovering in Group from Childhood Sexual Abuse are being distributed to sur-vivors and agencies working with male survivors Lynne MacDonell has received funding from the Arch-diocese of Toronto and is assisting male survivors in central Ontario Her Help amp Hope Project is similar
to the STH project
The STH project was fortunate to partner with Howard Fradkin of MaleSurvivor and his Weekend of Re-covery facilitation team who came to Canada in November 2008 This was quite a treat for Canadian male survivors The expertise of the Frad-kin team provided a
high-caliber experience not nor-mally available to Canadians The feedback from participants indi-cated these men felt truly blessed to be part of this experience In 2009 I hope to write a workbook for male survivors that will accom-pany the second edition of the RYHSR book Ellen Campbell and the CCAA plan to partner with the STH project and provide free cop-ies of this workbook as part of a joint education and awareness pro-gram I am presently updating a Directory of Services for Health
in 2007 to $60000 in 2008 to $75000 in 2009 Thanks to the generosity of the Diocese we are able to provide support groups information and referral services education and awareness pro-grams The Diocese not only wanted us to help males who were victimized by priests but any male survivors
In the early stages we recognized that our communities were not pro-viding a safe and supportive envi-ronment for men to step out of isolation Various agencies were con-tacting me and shared their frustra-tions about not hav-ing places to refer men who were sexu-ally abused as chil-dren It became pain-fully evident how un-educated Canadian service providers are on the needs of men and sexual abuse One of the main focuses of the STH project is our education and aware-ness program and group facilita-tion
As sad as the present situation is for male survivors we are making progress The STH project has part-nered with agencies throughout our area and two agencies from our bigger cities are providing group facilitation on a year round basis We are partnering with the Cana-dian Centre for Abuse Awareness (CCAA) and providing educational
Circle of Compassion (Continued from page 17)
Canada and the National Clearing-house on Family Violence called Combining Voices This directory lists all agencies throughout the Country that provide services to male and female survivors
ldquoCollective denialrdquo is strong throughout Canada but there is HOPE There seems to be an im-portant shift in thinking taking place Several years ago the topic of working with male survivors was not to be spoken about however people are now more receptive to exploring the needs of a much ne-glected portion of the population More men are requesting services and more group counseling oppor-tunities are presenting themselves It appears that more and more Ca-nadian agencies are starting to rec-ognize the importance of including male survivors into the circle of compassion Every time we have articles in the media more men seem to come out of isolation My biggest concerns include the lack of funding by the government If this topic is not talked about and if a safe and supportive environment for men is not created men will go back into silence and isolation This work seems to be driven from the ldquobottom uprdquo and not the ldquotop downrdquo We need good men and women to talk more openly about the needs of male survivors ldquoCollective denialrdquo thrives when good people keep silent Survivors are not living in total isolation they are fathers brothers husbands workers community members and they are valuable human beings
We are proud to join MaleSurvivor in making this world a better place
ldquorsquoCollective denialrsquo is
strong throughout
Canada but there is
HOPE There seems to
be an important shift in
thinking taking placerdquo
February 2009
Page 19
This Boyrsquos Life
By Jordan M
M y life began as any other a happy boy in a happy nuclear family It
was a time when my biggest worry was my brother threatening to tattle on me for sneaking a cookie up to bed I was young and the life I was living was exactly how it should have been carefree and devoid of the messy thoughts and situations which I would soon come to know all too well I was a boy and without trying to sound too clicheacuted I was innocent Pure
My parentsrsquo nasty divorce popped that bubble I loved my family more than anything and the di-vorce ripped us apart Mom and Dad were too busy fighting each other to notice anything that was happening with me or my siblings We were pushed aside used as bargaining tools I felt like a pawn Mom convincing us that Dad was a bad guy Dad convincing us that Mom was to blame Being the third child of five I was lost I withdrew and I stayed as far away from any sort of family situation as I could I didnrsquot know whom to trust
Time passed and things leveled and Mom married again but her taste in men had changed since Dad Her new husband seemed to hate children and he made sure that was known He was a violent man and my family and I paid the price I felt more lost than ever I was all alone in a hell that I was not prepared for Looking for some
kind of calm in this storm I started spending more time with Dad on his farm
Dad had met and moved in with another woman as well and unlike my new step-dad I liked her I thought that this could be my escape I could stay with Dad and be safe Go back to being a kid again Live that normal life I used to have
Not only did Dadrsquos new girlfriend move in so did her brother mdash my new step-uncle of sorts He was great The coolest guy Irsquod ever met We got along he played with me we watched mov-ies we went out we did everything He paid attention to me and I sud-denly felt less alone He was that person whom I could trust He was the man who would help me through all this crap at home He was the one that cared I didnrsquot just have a new step-uncle I had a new friend a new guardian someone who was there for me I latched on I bought his trick mdash hook line and sinker
The sexual abuse began and after the initial shock frankly I got used to it Although I hated it he as-sured me it was ok This is what should be happening between a 12 year old boy and 32 year old man who have a special relationship like
the one we did I believed him All I had to do was comply with his sexual desires and he would remain there for me I was willing to pay that price to keep this man in my life Somewhere in the back of my little mind I knew it was wrong but
I wouldnrsquot tell a soul It was our little secret our special relation-ship Nobody could know but us
It went on for years and for years I grew more and more dis-tant from people from myself and from the world I attempted a few times to get away but there was no where to go Either I live in an abusive hell with Mom or I cater to my step-unclersquos desires at my
Dadrsquos Which is the lesser evil
I went back and forth from house to house each time growing a little more resilient a little harder Time went on and I wasnrsquot that little boy anymore Age was on my side now and I wanted it to stop
Mom did get rid of the mistake she married after a while but soon found a new one and I promised myself that I would not stand for another day in this hell The first time this new guy laid a hand on me I gave Mom an ultimatum him or me She chose him I was gone
(Continued on page 20)
In the First Person
ldquoAlthough I hated [the
abuse] he assured me it
was ok This is what
should be happening
between a 12 year old
boy and 32 year old
man who have a special
relationship like the one
we did I believed himrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 20
been chasing me the whole time and it was catching up
The lure of the big city called me and I began spending nights and weekends in Toronto Attempting to end the emptiness I began searching for ways to fill it I got hooked on drugs became an ad-dict I became hard Mean Nothing could touch me Fear couldnrsquot stand in my way The worst had already happened I thought what I was feeling was freedom but free was the farthest thing from the truth I was trapped trapped in anger and guilt and shame
The deep desire to be taken care of continued to force its way to the surface and take on new extremes My cutting habit that I had devel-
I left home at 16 I figured that anything was better than staying where I was This was going to be a new start for me It was going to be different this time I promised myself that I would make it
I was wrong Again
Life on your own at 16 is not an easy one mdash new city no friends barely any money Schools wouldnrsquot accept me apartments wouldnrsquot let a kid occupy a unit I was alone I was really alone this time It took
time but I eventually managed a bit of a life for myself and was able to get through high school but it didnrsquot come easy My past had
This Boyrsquos Life (Continued from page 19)
oped as a young teen had ex-ploded and I began to brutally beat myself in hopes that somebody would notice maybe take me to hospital Take care of me It didnrsquot work It never worked There was only one thing that worked sex
Hustling made me feel powerful Men would pay to be with me Itrsquos all I felt I was good at seducing men And it was a power that I so badly thought I needed As bad as I was treated the glimpse of con-trol that I felt was enough to keep me going back But all I was doing was allowing myself to be abused
over and over again It just lead me further and further down
The years passed and I lost all feeling I forgot how to feel I knew
A Sliver of Light copy 2009 Timothy Andrew
February 2009
Page 21
only three emotions happiness sadness and anger And it was the anger that consumed me Anything could set me off I was a ticking time-bomb I began to wonder if any sort of normal life would ever happen for me
I was ready to give up to accept that this was what God had planned for me but somewhere inside that messed up 20 year old head of mine there was a sliver of light the same light that was there when I was a child the light that only had to worry about sneaking a cookie up to bed And I knew that that tiny glimpse of light was the real me If I could find a way to broaden its beam I would be able to peel back all the layers of abuse and discover who I really am
I searched I called crisis lines I went to free therapy sessions I attempted to try to understand why I was like I was but I kept hitting dead ends Nobody seemed to know how to help me me a male survivor
Nothing would last The little help I did receive all faded All I really got were programs and information and books and flyers Then I found Lynne MacDonells number I called her late one night She agreed to meet with me and quickly got me
into her mens group ldquoA Time for Menrdquo
The group literally saved my life For the first time I knew I wasnt alone There were other men who had been through what I had been through and they genuinely cared for me It has been over three years
now and it is still difficult Although I have put an end to the coping mecha-nisms mdash the drugs and the cutting mdash itrsquos the feelings that still manage to give me a struggle As survivors we have to sort out our insides Our guts Our feelings All that stuff was ripped out mixed up and thrown back in when we were abused We have to retrain our brains learn how to think how to feel how to trust how to love At times I feel like Irsquom an emotional infant as if my body kept
growing after my uncle abused me but my mind didnrsquot That was the main issue when I finally decided that I needed to be on the path of recovery So I focused and I began
I look forward to those two hours every Monday night because I know I can say and share anything I want and I will not be judged I am safe there I am safe to peel back those layers of abuse and discover the real me who I was really meant to be not this husk of
a human being that I had been living as for so many years
Since joining the group I have finished university got my degree I am free of drugs and self-harming I have a good job and a much healthier lifestyle and I have come out with my secret about sexual abuse
I am not ashamed of who I am anymore It is a long and tough uphill battle and it is still far from over but I know that I have plenty of people helping me fight this battle Our group is more that just a support group We are a family a brotherhood of survivors deter-mined to help each other and spread the word
It was hope That light the real memdashit was hope As survivors some-times all we have to go on is hope and that is why we need to remem-ber that there is ALWAYS hope There never needs to be a dead end That tiny sliver of light exists in all of us you just have to find it
ldquoAs survivors
sometimes all we have
to go on is hope and
that is why we need to
remember that there is
ALWAYS hope There
never needs to be a
dead end That tiny
sliver of light exists in
all of us you just have
to find itrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 22
My Story
by Bruce M
A s I start to write this article I find myself sitting in front of the house where I was
first sexually abused I donrsquot know why I am here but I am Perhaps it is my way of being in control which I certainly wasnrsquot for a very long time It was really not that long ago before I avoided this area of the city entirely mdash never mind sitting on the street in front of the home where I was sexually as-
saulted
I am now 42 years old and have a partner who supports me more than I could have ever asked for I am in love and
although I thought I loved others before now I really know what love is For many years I was so secretly dysfunctional that most people were under the impression that I had it all together but that was furthest from the truth I was a good actor
I grew up in a middle class suburb of Toronto I was the youngest of three kids I was diagnosed with ADD and was given Ritalin to ldquosettle me downrdquo I think that Ritalin was an easy out for my parents I needed more one on one interac-tion and understanding rather than a drug regimen which suited their
needs I clearly remember my pe-diatrician back then coaching my parents on what I needed mdash and many of his recommendations went ignored In their minds it seemed that all I needed was Ritalin
I had very few true friends Most people found my hyperactivity to be too much My mother was a practicing alcoholic (thankfully sober for about 28 years now) and my father was nothing short of physically abusive mdash mainly to my sister and me but also to my brother from what I understand My father had out-bursts of rage during which he would beat me with a dog leash and his fist Once he shoved my head down a toilet and told me that is where I belonged I donrsquot know if many people could appreciate how horrible it was to be told that As long as I live I will never for-get how I felt when he said that
When I was 12 years old I was enrolled in basketball That year I excelled and my team ended up winning the champion-ship This was a great confidence boost that I really needed I had finally found something that I was good at The second year was not so great My assistant basketball
coach was a sexual predator who saw a shy and troubled boy in me and decided that he would look after his own needs This guy was a medical doctor so he knew what he was doing and started what I now understand was a very intense grooming process He talked to me about my hyperactivity my motherrsquos alcoholism and my fatherrsquos abuse As I remember back he brought these things up often while he was getting to know me
After a period of time he invited me to his home one day on the pretence of my coming over to rake leaves Once there he invited me to his basement where he
Moving On
Bruce M
Bruce M during the time of his abuse
February 2009
Page 23
matum He said that if I would not come to his house we could no longer be friends I donrsquot know how I did it but I decided that I did not want to go to his house and that was the end of that I now know that he went on to find an-other victim
For nearly the next two decades I struggled with life To add insult to injury I knew that I was a gay male and after the abuse I figured that this was what a gay relation-ship was like and I didnrsquot want it I lacked direction with almost everything I did For a while I was practically homeless because I was staying with one friend after another putting myself in situations where I could be abused again and again I was con-stantly haunted with
guilt because I was sure that the man who abused me was abusing other boys
Finally one day I came forward and told the police about my abuse They charged this man and I quickly learned that this perpetra-tor was one of the nastiest that I have come across to this day He had deep pockets and fought ruthlessly I was followed by private investigators my friends were approached by private investigators
made it clear that his gentle kind supportive ways would have a cost to me I remember hating the experience This disgusting smelling man was more than repulsive Would you believe that I went back Well I did Most other vic-tims of sexual abuse will under-
stand why better than those who have not been there I wanted to be cared for and listened to so badly that for a while I just put up with the abuse This guy came to my school at lunch and let me drive his car around the back streets I was too young and imma-ture to realize that this was not a kind gesture but more grooming that would give him access to what he wanted Eventually he got an-noyed that I would avoid going to his house so he gave me an ulti-
for interviews and he hired some of Canadarsquos best attorneys to get him out of his charges When I went to court to testify at a prelimi-nary trial he had people there to threaten me in the halls of the court and the bathrooms The criminal case went on and on and eventually to the Supreme Court of Canada for a ruling about my con-sent All in all it has been a very intense process which went on so long that the case was thrown out because of delay He is still not out of hot water because the College of Physicians and Surgeons went after him and I had to testify at that hearing too which is still going on to this day
Last fall I completed my third Weekend of Recovery and al-though I have been in private ther-apy for close to four years and have been a part of a menrsquos group in Toronto nothing compares to the results that I achieved from attending the Weekends of Recov-ery The weekend program and the connections that I made with other guys and therapists have been instrumental in giving me a push forward allowing me to have some happiness and a meaningful rela-tionship which I was never able to have before
Life is not perfect but I can tell you that it is so much better than it was a few years ago and it is getting better all the time
Bruce M during the time of his abuse
Vol 2 No 2
Page 24
nor injury well that was his cue He took me into a medical room and closed the door He examined my knee and soon the subject changed That was the first time that I was sexually assaulted
Over the years this repulsive man be-came my coach in both hockey and baseball He was a central figure at the arena and the base-ball diamond He was the one involved in all the fundraisers and came to be known as ldquothe guy who would do any-thing for the kidsrdquo Most of the parents loved him mdash but not mine He drank with parents partied with them all while he ldquotook carerdquo of us kids
The first time I was abused at the arena I told someone older than I I did so again when I was 15 What was I to do Neither time did the adults take appropriate action and you guessed it everything was swept under the carpet So I did the only thing I knew how to do mdash I stuffed it
Growing up was a difficult time for me because of the abuse and the fact that I suffered with ADHD and anxiety (undiagnosed at the time) My sisters did well in school how-ever I didnrsquot I would work my tail off get a ldquoCrdquo and then would be told to work harder or asked if I
A Victim No More
by Glenn Allan
M y name is Glenn Allan and I grew up in Stoney Creek Ontario Canada
By all rights I should have been dead years ago I am a recovering alcoholic and cocaine addict and I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse I donrsquot want my story to become an ldquoabuse or addiction-aloguerdquo so I wonrsquot get into graphic details or talk about every abusive situation
Please keep an open mind as this is my story
I was wel-comed into a loving yet dysfunctional family in February of 1964 I have four sisters
nine nieces and nephews two great-nieces and one great-nephew My story begins around the age of seven I loved skating and playing hockey I was always told ldquoYoursquove gotta practice to get betterrdquo and so I did I would play as much ice and road hockey as I could and my sis-ters would take me public skating It was at public skating that my abuser first spotted me and as-saulted me I fell during one of those skating sessions and hurt my knee My abuser was a skating monitor that day and when I needed medical attention for a mi-
were dumb My frustrations grew mdash if only they knew that there was a hurting little boy inside But I was a boy who was too afraid to say that he hurt or to cry mdash because ldquobig boys donrsquot cryrdquo I would get teased at home about being stupid or
asked ldquoWhy donrsquot you try harderrdquo
I couldnrsquot defend my-self verbally with my parents because that would have been ldquotalking backrdquo There were times when I would be so angry at them for picking on me for little things and I would think to myself ldquoYou are yell-ing at me for this while he (the abuser) is doing that to merdquo
Talk about frustration and built up rage I was a walking volcano I would fight all the time whether it was at school playing hockey or baseball it really didnrsquot matter why mdash all I knew was I was MAD
Over the years I slowly lost my self-esteem and self-worth I wanted to be anybody but me I idolized ath-letes like Bobby Orr Bobby Clarke and Pete Rose because of their dedication and work ethic Being a class clown I loved comedians (Steve Martin Richard Pryor Robin Williams Johnny Carson) and the entertainer in me loved singers (Elvis) and wanted so badly to be them Then maybe people would like me because there was abso-lutely no way anyone could really
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Glenn Allan
ldquoMy frustrations grewmdash
if only they knew that
there was a hurting little
boy inside But I was a
boy who was too afraid
to say that he hurt or to
crymdashbecause lsquobig boys
donrsquot cryrsquordquo
February 2009
Page 25
like or love me with the things my abuser had made me do
Because of the trauma of being abused I wet the bed until I was about 12 years of age which drained any remaining self-worth or self-esteem that I had left I was so embarrassed And then I had to tolerate ridiculous comments from people saying things like ldquoYou know that you are going to have to stop thisrdquo and ldquoYou are getting too old for thisrdquo No kidding really Did they think that I liked waking up in my own urine Did they not think that I wanted to stop Did they have any idea how their words hurt me Man oh man it was like that all the time They just didnrsquot think before they spoke
Frustrated and over-whelmed in my teens I finally found the ldquofriendrdquo that I had been looking for mdash first name ldquoALrdquo last name ldquoCOHOLrdquo I would be-come a whole new person when I drank booze and how I drank I found a brand new confidence I was somewhat funny when I drank dur-ing the early years of drinking however over time I became de-pressed and extremely angry I would fight in bars on a regular basis Then in December of 1987 I was stabbed outside a bar and nearly died Now you would think that being stabbed and nearly dy-ing would prompt a lifestyle
change or at the very least cause me to take a personal inventory of my situation and myself But not me I wore it as a badge of honour allowing the insanity to continue
It is said that if the drugs and alco-hol donrsquot kill you the lifestyle will During this time and over the years I was introduced to many criminals Their crimes ranged from murder assaults extortion and drug dealing to running massage parlours and prostitution mdash to just name a few One of my acquaint-ances was even a hired killer He
actually assassinated two reputed crime bosses in Ontario and is now serving a lengthy sentence for those and other killings
But I was drawn to their so-called power and complete disregard for the law Looking back on it I guess I was looking to reclaim the power
that was stolen from me by my abuser
In my early twenties I got a job working with Young Offenders as a Correctional Officer With the money I was making I bought a very nice sports car dated pretty women was extremely materialistic and yet I was never satisfied I worked in corrections for about four years During that time I also began my career in the world of entertainment as a voice impres-sionist and stand-up comedian as well as a co-host of a comedy tele-
vision show I had a tremendous ego and unknowingly had be-come rdquoThe Great I Amrdquo
After a couple of years I moved from comedy to producing and host-ing my own sports television program which aired for ten years I had so much fun and I was able to meet and interview some of sportsrsquo big-gest names
In my mid-20s when the alcohol wasnrsquot medicating my pain any longer I turned to
something stronger mdash COCAINE During a span of approximately ten years the combination of alcohol cocaine and all my poor choices cost me most of my jobs many of my relationships and all my money It drove me to criminal activity po-lice charges a conviction and a criminal record But most of all I
(Continued on page 26)
Alone Uncredited Photo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 26
was lost Glenn was slowly dying inside me I became depressed and despondent and I hated so many people But most of all I hated my-self
I had attempted suicide on a few occasions and I really and truly had a death wish I hated myself so much that on Friday January 16 1998 loaded with a supply of co-caine and booze I booked myself into a hotel room with no intention of coming out alive Friday night and Saturday passed with me drinking and getting high on co-caine After having more cocaine delivered to me on Sunday after-noon there was no turning back mdash or so I thought Approximately at midnight on Sunday I made my final decision mdash it was time for me to leave this stinking world I ingested enough cocaine to kill me and then I barricaded my hotel door and ripped the phone out of the wall I lay down on the bed defeated broken sad guilt-ridden ashamed depressed and scared yet so ready to die
Only Divine Intervention mdash some sort of miracle mdash can explain what hap-pened next The police came into my hotel room at just the right time on Sunday night and took me to the hospital Who called them how did they know to come to my room I donrsquot know Well thatrsquos not completely true Today I am a man of faith and as a Christian I know exactly who orchestrated my rescue
A Victim No More (Continued from page 25)
After a brief stay in the hospital I chose to enter the Hamilton Menrsquos Withdrawal Management Centre where I spent eleven days From there I entered an intensive addic-tion treatment centre for a six-week stay followed by a five and one half month stay at a recovery house
I have been clean and sober since Janu-ary 19 1998
I work the program of recovery intensely I was blessed with some incredible therapists who were able to break through my trust issues my rough exterior and my wall of comedy to allow me to heal I also became involved in the 12-Steps and other support groups through which I have found tremendous friendships and men-toring
Recovery is about making changes Al-though my abuser assaulted me until I was 15 years old I blamed him for all of my problems until I was 33 years old I had to change from being a pro-fessional blamer and liar to a man of responsibility character and in-tegrity It wasnrsquot easy however after many tears and lots of hard work life has gotten much better
Over time and through applying these principles I found peace se-renity and forgiveness and I also
learned how to love myself again Everything that was set in motion to harm me as a young man is now what drives me With Godrsquos help today I am able to live humbly honestly open-minded and willing to do whatever it takes to stay clean and sober while doing what I can to help others who face similar
struggles
Today I serve the Ca-nadian Centre for Abuse Awareness as the Director of the Southwestern Ontario office My mission at hand is to create a task force that will be responsible for build-ing a residential pro-gram for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
I am also the Execu-tive Producer and Host of three popular television programs Good News Sports The Edge and Living Clean Living Clean is the only live weekly interactive television program in Canada
that is designed to assist individu-als who suffer with addiction abuse andor mental illnesses
I also host The Glenn Allan Show on a local radio station in Hamil-ton ON Canada
As a motivational speaker my pres-entation entitled Youth Yak Live has enabled me to speak to thou-sands of youth nationwide since 2000 Through Youth Yak Live I
ldquoRecovery is about
making changes
Although my abuser
assaulted me until I was
15 years old I blamed
him for all of my
problems until I was 33
years old I had to
change from being a
professional blamer and
liar to a man of
responsibility character
and integrity
February 2009
Page 27
Male Survivor Groups (MSG)
By Robert Beacuterubeacute Co-founder MSG
M ale Survivor Groups (MSG) was created by a group of male survivors
of childhood sexual abuse follow-ing the death of a fellow survi-vor in Lon-don Ontario Canada The initial objec-tives were to foster cama-raderie and support for one another and also to obtain proper help
for survivors in the London area
Presently our aim is to help all male survivors and also to make our cause known It is open to all male survivors of childhood ado-lescent and adult abuse We have expanded and have supported the creation of groups across Canada and we are prepared to support the creation of groups throughout the World
Groups have been established in London Vancouver Sudbury and North Bay in Canada
Our beliefs
1 Our groups are for male survi-vors of abuse What is said in the group remains there What is stated must remain confiden-
have developed tremendous work-ing relationships with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police Ontario Provincial Police Crime Stoppers local police agencies young of-fender facilities churches self-help groups and alcohol and drug treatment centres
I also facilitate a weekly peer sup-port group for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
There was a time when I thought I would never get married and that no one could love me for who I am Colleen and I met in 1999 We both have similar pasts We both have worked through our abuse issues and are both clean and so-ber In 2001 my best friend and I married and we now have three beautiful children Ashley Brandon and Christopher Spending the rest of my life with Colleen and our family is a dream come true
The opportunity of sharing Godrsquos gifts and blessings with others is truly an honour and a privilege It is imperative that I never take these things for granted
If I can assist you or someone dear to you please donrsquot hesitate to contact me at the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness Ph 905-594-1581 or email glennccfaacom or visit these websites
wwwabusehurtscom wwwlivingcleanca wwwglennallanca
or write to me co CCAA 38 King St East PO Box 66614 Stoney Creek ON L8G 5E5
(Continued from page 26)
tial Anonymity is of the utmost importance unless the survivor has gone public But intimate details of the public person must also remain confidential Confidentiality must be assured
2 We are in the group to heal and to support each other
3 We are male survivors who want to heal and help others in the process We can be as young as 16 or as old as old can be
4 Our primary purpose is our own safe being Secondary purposes are the betterment of services for male survivors and the advancement of our cause
5 We fight on so that we may grow in solidarity
6 We are not a religious group We do use different models of functioning in our different sub-groups Ours is a healing group for more than one prob-lematic issue
7 We encourage partnerships with organisations businesses and agencies that foster the creation of services for male survivors of abuse
We have created a Facebook Group which is also open to FRIENDS who support our cause Our group is establishing partnerships with other male survivor groups in Canada and worldwide You can contact us through the Facebook page or by emailing me at berube55yahooca
Support Groups
Robert Beacuterubeacute
Vol 2 No 2
Page 28
The CCAA By Ellen Campbell [ellenccfaacom]
Founder and Executive Director Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness
A s some of you know the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness (CCAA) is a
national non-government charitable organization dedicated to eliminat-ing child abuse through advocacy education public awareness and prevention programs With help from community and corporate partners the CCAA provides accessible support healing and indi-vidual empowerment for adult survivors their fami-lies and caregivers through over 20 programs Those that listen to classic rock station Q107 in the To-ronto region will recognize us as their charity of choice through Derringerrsquos Thir-teen Days of Christmas campaign
Based in Newmarket On-tario the CCAA is an active and vibrant organization that in addition to its variety of program offer-ings is also involved in public safety advocacy That advo-cacy started with the early release from prison of one of the perpetra-tors in the Maple Leaf Gardensrsquo child sex abuse scandal Many surviving victims were traumatized again this time by the system The
CCAA went public with its concerns that day and the public safety advocacy program was born
Later the CCAA wrote a sweeping report titled Martinrsquos Hope named in memory of Martin Kruze (the first victim to courageously go public with the story of his abuse at the Gardens and who later tragi-cally took his own life) that made 60 recommendations for legislative and policy change to the criminal justice system These recommenda-tions were gleaned from round-
table discussions with over 150 front-line criminal justice system professionals crime victims and survivors To this day members of the Kruze family sit on the CCAA Board of Directors
After the initial public release of the Martinrsquos Hope report in the fall of 2003 I knew that if repairs were to be made to the criminal justice system advocacy would have to be accelerated That advocacy began in earnest in early 2006 with the hiring of John Muise a volunteer with the CCAA and previously a Toronto police officer with signifi-cant experience in legislative and policy advocacy The hire coincided with new political winds blowing in Ottawa The CCAArsquos full-time public
safety program was born
Relationships already in existence were strength-ened new ones were made and the CCAA intensified its advocacy with politi-cians stakeholders and other decision makers In addition the CCAA courted media attention recogniz-ing the opportunity to get our message out
That advocacy included the preparation of written briefs in support of testi-mony before a number of decision making bodies including several appear-ances before the House of Commons Justice Commit-tee
ADVOCACY REWARDED The last three years have brought success on a number of fronts Progress on the criminal justice reform front is rarely if ever the result of one person or just one organization advocating for
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoMartinrsquos Hoperdquo in Memory of Martin Arnold Kruze From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 29
government Although there are specific circumstances under which the age of consent is 16 (or 18) the general age of consent remained at 14 For many in the child protection
world this has been a shame of what is otherwise a devel-oped and civilized land The fight is finally over with the passage and Royal Assent of this legisla-tion in July of 2008 This is a victory for the many people that fought the good fight and most importantly this law allows prose-cution of those adult predators who choose to sexually exploit 14
and 15 year old children
Review of federal corrections policy
In 2007 the federal government ordered an independent review of the federal corrections and parole system The CCAA attended the announcement of that review and subsequently appeared before the review team and provided detailed written recommendations for change The final report included a number of recommendations that the CCAA provided including those contained in Martinrsquos Hope A rollout of some report recommen-dations has already started includ-ing a pilot project for the use of electronic monitoring on serious and violent offenders who are on parole in communities
(Continued on page 30)
Dangerous offenders Having someone declared a dan-gerous offender is very difficult to do In fact there are fewer then 400 declared dangerous offenders in the country This amendment makes it easier to bring a dangerous offender application for a serious repeat con-victed offender before the court The end result should be we hope the detection and declaration of more dangerous offenders Dangerous offender designation is for life and results in indefinite lock-up of the offender with periodic judicial reviews
Community protection orders
Also known as ldquoSection 810rdquo orders they allow the state to monitor the activities of certain subjects mdash no longer under some form of sen-tence or other judicial release but still considered a danger mdash to be placed on a judicial order similar to a bail with control and monitoring conditions The legislation explicitly expands the controls that can be usedmdashfor example electronic moni-toringmdashand extends the length of the order from one year to two
Age of protection For longer than people care to remember advocates have fought to raise the general age of consent from 14 to 16 years of age Until recently those voices have been largely ignored by the federal
change but no one can deny the important roll played by the CCAA in advancing these reforms These are all original recommendations contained in the Martinrsquos Hope report The results as they say speak for themselves and include but are not limited to the follow-ing
Mandatory minimum sentences for Internet chi ld abuse offences
Over time courts have increasingly relied on so called ldquohouse arrestrdquo provisions (see section immediately below) when sentencing offenders found guilty of Internet child abuse and similar kinds of serious child exploitation offences The sen-tences were often way out of pro-portion to the gravity of the crimes Minimum sentences were legislated for a variety of crimes with the net effect of eliminating the ability of the court to impose ldquohouse arrestrdquo
Conditional sentences of imprisonment
Better known as ldquohouse arrestrdquo this measure brought in over a decade ago was being imposed by the courts for ever more serious of-fenders and offences Many violent and dangerous offenders were allowed to serve their term of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo at home Justice and public safety were compro-mised by this provision Although the Bill that finally passed was watered down significantly by opposition party demands the end result was a tightening of the cir-cumstances under which a sen-tence of this kind could be given
ldquoAfter the initial public
release of the Martinrsquos
Hope report in the fall
of 2003 I knew that if
repairs were to be made
to the criminal justice
system advocacy would
have to be acceleratedrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 30
munity committees and inquiries including the Federal Inquiry pre-sided over by Justice Major into the Air India bombing
Moving forward We are delighted to report that John Muise our Director of Public Safety has recently received a Governor-in-council appointment as a full-time member of the Na-tional Parole Board effective in May of 2009 Although this is a big loss
for the CCAA we are thrilled for John and we know that he will bring the same com-mitment to public safety in that position as he did with the CCAA We wish him the very best in this new and challenging role
Much progress has been made in the past three years with
more anticipated The federal gov-ernment has signaled its intention to finish the work it started and attempt a further repeal of condi-tional sentences of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo They have also said that they in-tend on amending certain aspects of parole legislation and moving on tightening up security (including drug interdiction) in federal prisons
As we kick off 2009 the CCAA has the following priorities
Enhanced training for law enforcement off icers involved in chi ld abuse
investigations The introduction of provincial ldquosafe havenrdquo legislation that would pro-
vide a distressed mother who has given birth (within 72 hours) to take her baby to a place of safety (for example fire station police station hospital emergency) no questions asked and drop the baby off The purpose is to avoid the unthinkable mdash dumpster aban-donment murder at birth This legislation exists in all 50 of the United States but has yet to to be introduced in this country
Parole reform In addition the CCAA will work with partners on two parole and corrections recommendations They include legislating breach of parole as an offence for which a police officer has a power of arrest Com-plimentary to this the replacement of statutory release (automatic release after serving two thirds of a sentence) with regular earned parole Both recommendations were included in the final report of the Corrections Review Team and had been provided with others by the CCAA
We at the CCAA believe that much has been done on the criminal justice reform and public awareness front We are grateful for the pro-gress thus far and proud of the part we have played in moving the public safety agenda along
There is still much work to be done and the CCAA will step up to carry on this most important work
Selection of judges In recognition of the importance of the justice selection process the federal government has recently expanded the scope of people selected to sit on the regional Judicial Advisory Committees tasked with vetting potential ap-pointments and providing recom-mendations to the federal Attorney General and Minister of Justice for final selection Although still dominated by judges and lawyers a wider variety of voices and minds is now part of the selection proc-ess This is welcome news I am one of those voices I sit on one of the regional committees itrsquos an appointment we can all be proud of
Gun crime and other victim focused matters
Although outside the specific man-date of the CCAA (and not included in the Martinrsquos Hope report) in recognition of the impact on com-munities and particularly at risk children and youth the CCAA also appeared before the House of Commons Committee in support of mandatory minimum sentences for serious gun crimes and for amend-ments that tighten up the bail system for those charged with serious gun-related offences
In addition several crime victim supportive briefs were prepared for a number of safe school and com-
The CCAA (Continued from page 29)
ldquoWe at the CCAA hellip are
grateful for the progress
thus far and proud of
the part we have played
in moving the public
safety agenda alongrdquo
February 2009
Page 31
higher than its current statistical significance would suggest I would suggest itrsquos about one in four of the men I deal with 25 compared to the 16 suggested in the cur-rent literature If you allow for the fact that many of the men I work with have come from dysfunctional families that have been dysfunc-tional for generations the higher rate of incidence will hardly be surprising
I really had no idea when I started this job that I would have a head-
on collision with CSA No idea at all I was in my pre-survivor life My own past experi-ences were like a dormant volcano Sure some smoke would puff out every now and then for no readily apparent rea-son but no major eruption But as I heard more and more stories told by men in their own abyss of despair and self loath-ing things started to bubble within me
I remember the first man who disclosed to me He did not really intend to He started to tell part of a story and I just knew I just knew What he did say was part of an institutional abuse situa-tion that gained public awareness in the media After that story broke many men came forward as well to tell their story of how they too were abused as boys in a school
Inside
By Geeders (Jim)
W hen I was first asked to write about my experi-ences working in a jail I
wasnrsquot really sure what I could say about it Can I say this or should I say that Was it going to be really negative or show promise of better days ahead And what about me mdashthe new me mdash dealing with issues of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) at the same time as the men I see and work with How the hell was (or is) that going to work Well it is a work in progress after all and one that seems to evolve as I change and as I become more comfortable with my own sense of a new self
Let me begin by saying that there is nothing in this article that would meet the rigours of clinical dissection Equally important I do not work with sexual offenders What I am going to say is purely my experience based on personal observation No scientific analysis can be attributed to it apart from what we already know or suspect One in six men will have been sexually assaulted or abused by the time they are 18 It has long been opined that the number of abused men is actually
setting that was really a cover for juveniles in trouble with the law
The inmate I was working with did not come forward at that time He couldnrsquot His disclosure to me was the first time he had ever said anything about his abuse No one else knew mdash no one He was alone His pain was palpable and obvious His shame and guilt were profound Never had he admitted to himself what had happened in that school let alone admitted to a total stranger until that very moment I listened to his pain tried to console him just let him cry Eventually over the course of a couple of interviews it became obvious to me why he was in jail Any self-esteem that he had as a boy or young man was destroyed by his abuse His very essence was rewritten by the men who had abused him Teens get into trouble but they can also learn to later stay out of it by fol-lowing the teachings of those they trust But for this young man his ability to trust was destroyed by the very people who were sup-posed to care for him nurture him and dare I say it love him appro-priately What was even more tragic is that this man came from a cul-ture that has low tolerance for anything that even remotely resem-bles homosexuality
Being abused sent this man on a downward spiral that ultimately turned him into a drug addict by his own admission a junkie who hated himself for what ldquohe had
(Continued on page 32)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoOver the course of
several related careers I
have seen a lot of good
being done Irsquove also
seen a lot of ugliness
that even by todayrsquos
standards defies the
most common
sensibilities we have as
human beingsldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 32
donerdquo His shame and guilt and culture prevented him saying any-thing about what happened It cut him off from any legal action that might take place and removed any sort of financial compensation that he might gain as a result of his abuse It eventually cut him off from his own family because his drug abuse prevented him from working and supporting his wife and family It destroyed his ability to be a good dad and husband A few years later I saw him back in jail again
When I did encounter him again it was with an in-creased sense of awareness within me Every time a man disclosed to me that he had been sexually abused or assaulted I started to die inside A little piece of me just died every time a man said to me what I could not say to myself or anyone else That dormant volcano started to fume a bit more regularly
Over the course of several related careers I have seen a lot of good being done Irsquove also seen a lot of ugliness that even by todayrsquos standards defies the most common sensibilities we have as human beings It exists Itrsquos around every corner if we choose to look at it Along with the ugly we have the good We have people who are willing to take a stand and come forward to say to the world ldquoWe
Inside (Continued from page 31)
have a problem here itrsquos not going to go away and it needs to be fixedrdquo I had the good fortune to meet many of these people last year at a conference on male sex-ual victimization By then I had been able to learn from the men that I serve that perhaps I too could learn to tell someone Could I be a survivor too
Men in jail are there for a reason Whether itrsquos to protect society while they await trial or from
themselves or while sentenced they are here Whether I think they should be here is irrelevant They are usually at the end of their ropes Their lives are upside down and in turmoil They are frequently in withdrawal from illicit drug use They are in the bottom of a pit from which there does not appear to be an escape or refuge They are desperate and will act desperately
if needed They are angry and no longer have any control over their lives Someone has taken that control away from them They have no choice but to comply Failure to comply results in loss of privileges which can include being prohibited from contact with those they love the most Forced co-habitation with other men can evoke strong memories of prior abuse which they cannot deal with let alone understand It can be isolation
They are alone and cannot speak about their issues for fear of being discovered and further stigmatized and trau-matized by a peer group that cannot tolerate differences or diversity
I have been fortunate in that for some reason men trust me and feel safe and able to disclose And when they do you can see the relief on their faces They are scared for sure but it has always seemed to be a relief I have to ask them I have no choice because itrsquos part of my job But now as a survivor myself I can tell them they are not alone I cannot tell them about me but I can tell them they are not alone that they
are among the approximately one in six men who are assaulted or abused when they are boys or young men I can tell them about the few resources we have avail-able for men which are a 100 improvement compared to what they had when they first walked into my office I tell them about MaleSurvivor and have MS posters up in my office I can tell them that
ldquoTougher than lsquoNamrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 33
Maybe not I prefer to think that I have shown them that there is hope There is life in being a survi-vor they donrsquot have to be held hostage any longer by a secret that was put upon them by an abuser I prefer to think that I have been able to show them that they do not have to be ashamed for being male When I speak with them Irsquom a straight shooter I calls rsquoem as I sees lsquoem I use words they can understand mdash street language mdash which helps them understand their bodies and to understand that Mother Nature made them to be reactive and responsive I tell them that simply because their bodies reacted that their bodies re-sponded while being abused did not make the abuse their fault It takes a while to get there at times But the relief when the penny drops and they realize that they themselves were in no way respon-sible for the abuse is quite remark-able
Just this week Irsquove been working with a man who actually smiled when he came into my office He said ldquoI finally get it It wasnrsquot my faultrdquo He then went on to tell me that immediately prior to his at-tending in my office he had just disclosed to his sister while on the phone in his jail area surrounded by other inmates While it was perhaps not the safest venue for a disclosure he made his own deci-sion He said he was taking control As a 35 year old this man has not been in control since he was first abused at age seven Subsequent abuse only reinforced for him that he was an object a thing not worth anything Relationship after relationship failed him as he con-tinued to relive issues of abandon-
there are over 6000 people regis-tered at MS and that when they get out they will find tremendous support at the MS website I can tell them about Weekends of Re-covery without disclosing that attending a WOR was one of the best things I have done with my life They will know that they are no longer alone And not once has anyone asked me directly about me If they did I could not reply which in a round about way is a reply But I cannot reply Why The institution that I work in can be as intolerant of differences and diver-sity as the inmates are of each other The whole notion of male abuse and assault simply does not exist It is not spoken of It will not be spoken of mdash until now
Because abuse is now spoken of I have been able to create a support network for inmates and for myself Itrsquos a small step but a step never-theless Itrsquos spoken of now at a level never before reached in terms of official support and direction Support has yet to be defined but I have a mandate now to do a better job for male survivors Itrsquos on paper Itrsquos my goal
Safety of all concerned has to remain first and foremost mdash safety for the inmate safety for me With inmates disclosing to me often for the first time I am struck by what happens next A huge can of worms is opened And for what There is little safety here little opportunity to follow up The court system tosses these men around like dice One day they are here the next they are God knows where Have I done something that perhaps I shouldnrsquot have Maybe
ment physical and sexual abuse sexual orientation confusion anger management substance abuse domestic violence self respect low self esteem boundaries mdash these and much more impact upon this man daily But hersquos making a start Itrsquos another chance We all need them
I would be remiss to not mention the support of my colleagues Some of them do know about me and they have been tremendously supportive and understanding They too share a belief that it is possible for men to become survivors I cannot imagine doing this work everyday without their ongoing support I love you guys
The resources I refer to are few the Menrsquos Project in Ottawa The Gate-house in Toronto as well as local sexual assault centres I discovered on my own road to recovery that our local sexual assault centre does in fact offer services to men but does not advertise this due to the fear of being inundated with refer-rals They simply are not equipped to handle what surely lies out in my community When the report of the Cornwall Inquiry comes out later this year it is my belief that it will force our government our society to re-examine how its treatment of boys and men is provided Hope-fully those who are like I was feeling alone fearful uncomfortable in their own skin will feel more enabled to come forward to shed that skin that was put on them by their abuser(s) and step out of the ordinary letting their souls ascend and become free
Vol 2 No 2
Page 34
A History of Male Survi-vor Services in Queacutebec
and First Nations Communities
By Caroline Benamza (dance and drama therapistpsychotherapist at CRIPHASE)
And by Benoicirct St Jean (Director of CRIPHASE)
Contact Tel +1-514-529-55-67 Email infocriphaseorg
Website wwwcriphaseorg
T he latest statistics in Queacutebec show that one out of every six men has been sexually
abused before the age of 18 but there are very few statistics regard-ing male survivors and this estima-tion is only based on reported abuse Most adult men or boys who are survivors go unnoticed because most of the services in Queacutebec are exclusively for women In 2008 the male population in Queacutebec was about 3800000 of which about 3000000 are above 20 years of age (from the Institut de la Statistique) Therefore we can estimate that in Queacutebec there are around 500000 male survivors actually visible within the different health care services justice system and police departments The num-ber is already frightening for a seemingly peaceful society like Queacutebec When it comes to Native American communities as many as 80 of boys have been sexually abused before the age of 18 This number is quite similar mdash but for different reasons mdash to the male population within the Federal or Provincial prisons
The reality of male survivors of sexual abuse in childhood has remained in the dark for years in Queacutebec and it is only in the last four years that the government has acknowledged the necessity of funding counseling services for male survivors Historically it can be explained The first services for survivors have been developed since the 1960s within the very strong Queacutebeacutecois feminist move-ments The women have built along the years a strong network of ser-vices for female vic-tims of sexual abuse and domestic vio-lence Today these services still exist as the CALACS (Centres dAide et de Lutte contre les Agressions agrave Caractegravere Sexuel = Sexual Assault Cen-tres) network for survivors of sexual abuse Due to a strong belief in pro-viding a safe haven for women survivors men were turned away from these services and had nowhere to go Only two survivorsrsquo centres in the Montreal area outside the CALACS network welcomed men but those men represent only 5 of clients
This situation became obvious when the CAVAC (Centre drsquoAide pour les Victime drsquoActes Criminels = Crime Victims Assistance Centres) started to provide counseling ser-
vices to victims of criminal acts who wished to press charges and go through a court procedure The first services in Queacutebec for male survivors therefore came from a strong need in the society In 1996 the CAVAC decided to fund an experimental program directed by Denis Reneacute to offer a support group for male survivors This program was named the PHASE Groups (Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = For Men Sexually Abused in Child-
hood) With the suc-cess of these first groups between 1996 and 1997 the CAVAC of Montreal tried to secure funding for the continuation of services Unfortu-nately the PHASE Groups suffered from the double status it carried within the government the Minister of Justice that was the main funder of the CAVAC refused to fund a counseling service supposedly to be funded by the Health Minister Later the Health Minister turned down the
funding because as part of CAVAC the program should have been funded by the Minister of Justice
So it was in 1997 that Denis Reneacute decided to secure the future of the PHASE Groups by registering them
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoWhen it comes to
Native American
communities as many
as 80 of boys have
been sexually abused
before the age of 18
This number is quite
similarmdashbut for different
reasonsmdashto the male
population within the
Federal or Provincial
prisonsrdquo
February 2009
Page 35
intimacy and sexuality issues) and PHASE Artistique (a 10 weeks art and movement therapy program) with a holistic approach to body and mind recovery
In 2008 the very first weekend of recovery (named PHASE Weekend) was created and CRIPHASE wishes to make the weekend an annual event In 2003 for the first time
CRIPHASE became a full member of the Table de Concertation en Agressions Sexuelles (a gathering of several organizations providing services to survivors in addition to representatives from the Justice the Health Minister and the police) This cooperation allows a better understanding of survivor issues and needs as well as a better coor-
within a non-profit organization that took the name CRIPHASE (Centre de Resources et drsquointervention Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = Resource and Intervention Centre for Men who have been Sexually Abused in Childhood) For 10 years the Groups have survived on pri-vate funding and have provided two recovery Groups called PHASE 1 and PHASE 2 Each PHASE is a 10-week program serving non-offending male survivors over 18 years of age and of all sexual orienta-tions With its first public funding in 2004 of $38000 a director was en-gaged by the board of administration and in 2008 the PSOC (a funding body within the agency of Health and Social Services) fi-nally secured the future of CRIPHASE with a first major funding rooting CRIPHASE in the circle of sexual abuse survivors centres
Since 2006 CRIPHASE has devel-oped a major politics of visibility through the media conferences and meetings with the different actors of the Queacutebeacutecois stage Three more programs have been developed within CRIPHASE PHASE Conjoint (for partners of male survivors) PHASE Sexo (a 10 weeks program of recovery focusing on
dination of services on the ground From within the Table CRIPHASE has been able to educate people on the issue of male survivors and participate or initiate projects such as the Information Guide for Sexual Assault Victims and the first pre-vention mobilization and aware-ness march for sexual abuse survi-vors in 2008 The presence of CRIPHASE at the Table has also
allowed the feminists within the CALACS to have a better under-standing of the suffer-ing of male survivors who are also victims in their own way of an old patriarchal system CRIPHASE was also finally incorporated in the CALACS coordina-tion groupmdashcalled Table des CALACS mdash in 2008
Until 2008 there were no services provided in English (Queacutebec is a French-speaking province where Eng-lish speakers are a minority) due to lack of funding to translate the PHASE 1 docu-ments and employ English-speaking therapists The project
to offer groups in English had been put aside for years but finally in 2008 the first groups of PHASE 1 and 2 opened for English speakers The PHASE Artistique and PHASE Weekend are now bilingual pro-grams
(Continued on page 36)
Phone calls received at CRIPHASE
male survivors
therapists
relatives and loved ones
other
The average male survivor using the services at CRIPHASE is aged between 35 and 55
Vol 2 No 2
Page 36
Male survivors in the Native American
communities Recovery programs within Native American communities are only starting Many Native American men were sexually abused as well as psychologically and emotionally abused when they were sent to boarding schools across the province for assimila-tion The effects of this traumatic experience (including historic trauma) can be seen in all First Nations of Queacutebec Algonquians Cris Innus Abenakis Innuits Micmacs and so forth Today there is a strong need of heal-ing for this lost gen-eration but traumatic experiences and con-sequences have been passed on to the next generations Unfortu-nately sexual abuse is one of these problems which need to be addressed through prevention and coun-seling in a way that will integrate Native American traditions and their holistic ap-proach to medicine Such programs already exist within some communi-ties Organizations like GRIPMA (Groupe de Recherches et dInter-ventions Psychosociales en Milieu Autochtone = Research and Inter-vention group in Aboriginal Com-munities) located in the Huron
History of Male Survivor Services (Continued from page 35)
community of Wendake (near Queacute-bec city) provide a clinical expertise in intervention within Native Ameri-can communities On the other side the Aboriginal Healing Foun-dation based in Ottawa is currently funding 16 recovery projects for the First Nations in Queacutebec ad-dressing sexual abuse addiction prevention of suicide boarding schools trauma etc until 2010
Last year the publication of the five-year funding plan on sexual abuse by the provincial govern-ment of Queacutebec has seen the recognition of male survivors as a population in great need of ser-vices It has also recognized the necessity of providing services to the First Nations communities
Things are changing in Queacutebec for male survivors Because CRIPHASE is the only organization providing support and counseling to men in Queacutebec who have been sexually abused in childhood there is great hope for an increase of funding this year The constant develop-ment of CRIPHASE and the increase in phone calls and numbers of guys within the services (in 2008-
2009 there will be seven groups of PHASE 1 in-stead of five the year before) also show that men in Queacutebec are get-ting the right information on sexual abuse and services and are being encouraged to look for help and engage in re-covery
If you are one of these men in Queacutebec we are waiting for your call Remember you are not alone
For the annual march event please visit wwwmarchevasca (Information for the May 2009 march will be on line from February 2009)
Quilt Square by a Native Child from Alberta From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 37
MaleSurvivor is men surviving sexual abuse in Canada we will start with Canadarsquos sad legacy of abuse of children by clergy
A Brief Incomplete Canadian History
In Canada our First Nations People have had to bear the legacy of abuse they endured in Canadarsquos notorious residential schools Cur-rent issues of addictions and family and mental health problems amongst our First Nations people can be traced back to the legacy of abuse experienced by Native chil-dren in residential schools
Around 1874 the federal government began working with the churches (Catholic Anglican United and Presbyte-rian) to set up the Residential School System as a means to suppress Native cul-ture and promote assimilation In gen-eral children between the ages of five and 16 were taken from their parents and sent to church-run residen-tial schools The extent of the abuse in these church-run schools has been referred to as the ldquoCanadian Holocaustrdquo Recently the Canadian Government formed the Truth and Reconciliation Commis-sion (TRC) as part of the court-approved Indian Residential Schools Settlement Agreement The
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious
Leader By Nancy N Mayer MSW RSW
Partner Crisci amp Mayer Consultation Counselling and
Training Toronto wwwckmconsultationcom
Introduction
L ikely all the readers of this newsletter have knowledge and expertise about men
being physically sexually and emotionally abused Research tells us that abusers can come from any
walk of life and most often are known to the child or adult In the last decade abuse by clergy has finally ldquocome out of the closetrdquo so to
speak thanks to those brave survi-vors who have made public their experiences of being abused by clergy More than ever survivor groups are encouraging victims to report these crimes to the police and to consider seeking civil re-dress for their injuries Many groups believe that change in churches will only come when they are held accountable for the abuse perpetrated by clergy
This article will attempt to address the distinctive issues that are com-mon to this population of survivors Because the focus of this issue of
purpose of the commission is not to determine guilt or innocence but to create an historical account of the residential schools help people to heal and encourage reconciliation between Aboriginal and non-aboriginal Canadians
The notorious Mount Cashel Or-phanage is another Canadian leg-acy of sexual abuse by clergy This facility was operated in Newfound-land by the Christian Brothers More than a dozen priests were convicted after decades of abusing young boys at the orphanage
Mount Cashel Or-phanage closed in 1989 just six months after allegations of sexual physical and emotional abuse were published by the media (For more in depth information see Harris Michael Unholy Orders Trag-edy at Mount Cashel Ontario Viking Press 1990)
Like the US there have been hundreds and perhaps thou-sands of cases of children and vulner-
able adults abused by clergy in every religious denomination Unlike the US our country is not bound as strictly by statutes of limitations so lawsuits can proceed more freely Our sentences for convicted clerical sex offenders are
(Continued on page 38)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Nancy N Mayer
ldquo[First Nations] children
between the ages of five
and 16 were taken from
their parents and sent to
church-run residential
schools The extent of
the abuse in these
church-run schools has
been referred to as the
lsquoCanadian Holocaustrsquoldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 38
nowhere near as severe as those of our American neighbours Most first offenders will not serve a day in jail The civil awards for personal inju-ries are also quite low Our court system promotes set-tling these cases out of court When a case fails to go to trial it is not part of the public re-cord The widespread use of confidentiality orders media fatigue and Canadian reserve means that it is impos-sible to obtain accurate statistics on how often men are abused by clergy or even the ex-tent of the problem in this country
The Authority of Rel igious Leaders Religious organizations have always played a central role in our so-cieties They provide moral ethical and spiritual guidance Reli-gious teachings have given us a context and meaning for our lives Most religious belief revolves around a divine power or God Religious leaders (ministers priests rabbis elders nuns) are thought to be Godrsquos earthly repre-sentatives and are treated with reverence and respect They have intimate involvement with families and children at such vulnerable times as an illness death or other family crises They may have access
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 37)
to confidential information by virtue of their roles of confessor or counsellor A child brought up by religious parents is taught to re-spect these men and women Oth-ers associated with churches mdash choir leaders teachers cantors youth group leaders mdash are also considered trustworthy by virtue of their close
association with their religious organizations Most parents en-courage their childrenrsquos participa-tion in church-based activities believing them to be safe and wholesome
These leaders are considered to be esteemed authorities and as repre-sentatives of God wield a great deal of power Depending on the faith group there may be teachings
that support an unquestioning adherence to their instructions and guidance This makes children and vulnerable adults particularly sus-ceptible to exploitation by this group because they have access opportunity and trust
Misuse of Power Perpetrators can utilize their positions of power and trust to gain access to their victims some-times for extended periods of uninterrupted time They may tell children that they are being asked to ldquoserve Godrdquo or that they or their families will be punished if they do not do as instructed Chil-dren may be threatened with eternal damnation or blamed for leading the religious leader into sin If the religion con-siders premarital sex or same sex contacts as sinful the guilt will be compounded
In most cases the victim will not disclose or may disclose but not be
believed A child will have a difficult time convincing adults that he or she has been victimized The vic-timrsquos family culture or communi-ties have been socialized to see their religious leaders as unques-tionably good and incapable of lies This can lead to others denying or minimizing the victimrsquos experience of abuse The victim is initially harmed by the abuser and then is revictimized by those who cannot
ldquoMay Hope be Passed through Every Handrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 39
institutionrsquos response and lack of compassion and pastoral care
The Impact on Spir ituality
The frequently used term ldquosoul murderrdquo aptly describes what hap-pens when the abuser is a religious leader When the response of the religious institu-tion to a disclosure of abuse is experienced as self-serving and uncaring the survivor will likely lose his faith in the religious community of which he has been a part To belong and to feel connected is a basic human need When abused by clergy the loss of connection and belonging to what may have been a spiritual anchor can be devastating
To compound the harm the abuse may have occurred in a religious building The abuser may have worn traditional cleri-cal attire or may have made religious or biblical refer-ences As a result being exposed to religious symbols music or any other reminder can trigger flashbacks and other uncomfortable physical symptoms
The cleric is often considered Godrsquos representative on earth This gives the cleric power that surpasses his position and status When abuse is at the hands of a minister nun
accept that their spiritual leaders are capable of abuse There are many stories of clergy abuse survi-vors being abandoned by their religious communities (who side with the cleric) and their families who cannot face leaving the church that has given their lives meaning and comfort The resultant feelings of betrayal and abandonment are profound
The Role of the Religious Inst itutions
When religious institutions hold themselves up as ethical compasses and arbitrators of right and wrong society has an expectation that church leaders will act in a fair and moral way Many US Commissions and Grand Juries and Canadian reports such as the Winter Com-mission Report (Archdiocese of St Johns Newfoundland Canada 1990) Child Abuse in Community Institutions and Organizations and Improving Public and Professional Understanding (prepared for the Law Commission of Canada) all record and explain the dynamics that have lead to the failure of religious institutions to protect our children
While it is well known that any institution mdash educational recrea-tional or spiritual mdash is not immune from having sex offenders in its midst the religious institutions have a particular legacy of protect-ing the institution through aggres-sive legal tactics versus truth telling and reconciliation Many victims state that they have been less wounded by the actual abuse and profoundly more damaged by the
priest rabbi minister or elder the recipient of the abuse may experi-ence profound guilt for ldquoparticipatingrdquo in ldquosinfulrdquo behaviour mdash a mistaken belief that he is respon-sible for the abuse or shame that
he has ldquosinnedrdquo He may believe he is deserving of rejection or eternal damnation If he confesses he risks exposing the cleric who has likely done what he could to trick the victim into believing that he must maintain silence and secrecy One survivor describes feeling that rdquoIt was like being abused by God him-self If even God couldnrsquot love me how could anyone else ever love merdquo
These factors alone can leave a man who has been abused by clergy unable to find comfort and solace in what used to be his spiritual beliefs and his church Without these familiar beliefs the survivor is aban-
doned and alone when he most needs support
The Role of Gender While woman are ordained in some denominations there is still an imbalance of power between men and women in many religious tradi-tions For boys and men abused by male clerics embarrassment and
(Continued on page 40)
ldquoThe frequently used
term lsquosoul murderrsquo aptly
describes what happens
when the abuser is a
religious leader When
the response of the
religious institution to a
disclosure of abuse is
experienced as self-
serving and uncaring
the survivor will likely
lose his faith in the
religious community of
which he has been
a partrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 40
concerns of how they will be per-ceived promote silence For the boy or man abused by a female cleric there may be worries that he will be labelled the seducer or pres-sured to consider this ldquorelationshiprdquo as non-abusive
The study conducted by the John Jay Col-lege of Criminal Jus-tice regarding The Nature and Scope of the Problem of Sexual Abuse of Minors by Priests and Deacons in the Catholic Church (Washington DC USCCB 2004) found some very disturbing information about the age and gender of victims The largest group of reported victims (509) was between the ages of 11 and 14 273 of victims were 15 to 17 16 were eight to 10 and nearly 6 were under age seven Overall 81 of vic-tims were male and 19 female Male victims tended to be older than female victims Over 40 of all victims were males between the ages of 11 and 14
The largest group of reported victims in this study consisted of boys who were entering puberty This is a tumultuous time in most
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 39)
young menrsquos lives To have this period of development disrupted can contribute to many mental health problems including lack of confidence disruption of emo-tional sexual and psycho-social development isolation sexual identity confusion depression anxiety and abuse of substances
In Summary The harm experienced by those
who are abused by clergy is profound and multifaceted Some therapists will not want to work with survivors of clergy abuse due to the complexity of their issues their limited knowledge of the subject area possible religious biases and potential for litigation Most (but certainly not all) survivors will have experienced revictimization by their churches or religious institutions This compounded by abuse by a religious leader in a position of power will under-standably lead to unique challenges Survivors will have
significant trust issues that can impede the forming of a trusting therapeutic relationship with a therapist who will also be in a position of power and may be an employee of an institution With transparency and skill on the part of the therapist and tenacity on the part of the survivor effective thera-
peutic partnership can be achieved While recovery is difficult it is possible
The irony is that many survivors of abuse by clergy have a strong sense of integrity morality and perseverance They learned the lessons that the ldquoreligiousrdquo offend-ers failed to learn At the core of their beings these clergy abuse survivors are the prophets who have come to speak the truth and reveal the abuse and the decep-tions It is this desire for social justice truth telling belonging and connection that will allow a healthy spiritual belief system to rise out of the ashes of what has happened It is this healthy spiritual belief that makes many clergy abuse survivors persistent and tenacious in seeking recovery and social justice They are making a difference and chang-ing the world as we know it
ldquoThe harm experienced
by those who are
abused by clergy is
profound and
multifaceted Some
therapists will not want
to work with survivors
of clergy abuse due to
the complexity of their
issues their limited
knowledge of the
subject area possible
religious biases and
potential for litigationldquo
February 2009
Page 41
tion of it earlier in the lsquo90s but 1997 is when there was a critical mass of mostly male survivors coming forward and taking action against Maple Leaf Gardens Your question specifically was ldquoDid it play a role in my choice of ca-reersrdquo
MS Yes
SJ Yes and no The Maple Leaf
Gardens cases were not my first sexual assault cases but my in-volvement in these cases solidified my interest and desire to help sur-vivors
MS Could you take a few minutes to explain to our readers just what the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal was and why it has played a central role in revealing the extent of sex-ual abuse at least in the Toronto area
of my clients will say something like ldquoYou know this is not about the money I donrsquot care how much I get this is about something elserdquo And whatever that person seeks mdash an apology or the empowerment of filing a lawsuit or a million other unique things mdash that is why I do this kind of work Itrsquos about helping people through whatever process they need in order to begin that healing process the moving forward process
MS And also to provide your clients with a sense of justice
SJ Absolutely Justice is really not about the money itrsquos about the knowledge that theyrsquove come forward theyrsquove done something and theyrsquove empowered themselves It takes a tre-mendous amount of courage to do that I am always in awe of my cli-ents for the amount of courage they have They are my inspiration
MS Many Americans are unaware of the so-called Maple Leaf Gar-dens sex scandal that began some-time in the 1960s but didnrsquot come to wide public attention until 1997 the year after you began practicing law Did this scandal have some affect on your choice of career
SJ Actually the scandal did come to prominence before 1997 There was scattered media atten-
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 1)
SJ Sure There was a series of men who were employed at Maple Leaf Gardens which was the home of the Toronto Maple Leafs mdash the hockey club mdash who over a period of a couple of decades sexually abused probably hundreds of chil-dren It started in the lsquo60s it went on we believe until the early lsquo80s There were two principal men in-volved but there were at least three
others who also were ac-cused In order to under-stand why the Maple Leaf Gardens sex scandals are as important as they are you have to understand that hockey in Toronto and hockey in Canada is almost a religion Hockey is to Canadians what the NFL or Major League Baseball is to Americans Every little boy dreams of about becoming the next Wayne Gretzky becoming the best hockey player he can be Maple Leaf Gar-dens was the home of one of the best loved and biggest hockey teams mdash the Toronto Maple Leafs The Gardens was the high
temple of hockey in Canada and still is In the lsquo60s lsquo70s and even the lsquo80s children mdash mostly boys mdash would go to Maple Leaf Gardens usually unaccompanied by their parents because back then nobody really thought that anything bad would happen to them at the Gar-dens The boys would go there ei-ther for practice games or to watch the Maple Leafs play or more likely they would go to watch To-
(Continued on page 42)
ldquoMaple Leaf Gardens in Memory of Martin Kruzerdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 42
ronto Marlies games The Marlies were the farm team for the Toronto Maple Leafs During these games and these practices the pedophiles who worked at the Gardenrsquos would often befriend these boys seeking out boys who were more vulner-able than others most likely and would sexually assault the boys sometimes off-property but most often within the Gardens itself They would use their position as employees of the Gardens to be able to say to the boys if you come with me Irsquoll get you a broken hockey stick or hockey puck or Irsquoll get you into better seats the next game or whatever other type of inducement would be necessary to get the boys to go with them into either a washroom or a training room or other private place where the boys would be sexually abused
In 1997 there were about 50 or 60 cases all joined to-gether and Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Entertainment Ltd wanted to settle all the cases prior to the Toronto Maple Leafs moving into a new hockey rink called the Air Canada Center so as to have a clean slate at the new rink By and large a lot of the litigation was fin-ished before the team moved into the Air Canada Center but not all of it In fact there are probably 17 or 19 cases going through the court
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 41)
system today more than 10 years after the original large group of plaintiffs went through the court and I believe that new people will continue to come forward when they are strong enough
MS I understand that one of the principal plaintiffs in the case Mar-tin Kruze had settled with the owners or the operators of the Ma-ple Leaf Gardens in 1995 and that he signed a confidentiality agree-ment not to reveal the settlement
or perhaps even the details of what had happened to him Do you think that the confidentiality agree-ment Mr Kruze agreed to slowed down or hindered the full exposure of this scandal
SJ I think that any confidentiality agreement blocks public access to knowledge and to understanding so I do suspect that Martinrsquos confi-dentiality agreement did have some impact on the scandal re-
maining hidden for as long as it did Absolutely yes I believe that confidentiality agreements are in-herently difficult for plaintiffs be-cause they create and continue a cycle of secrecy Sexual assault is a crime that is almost always carried out in secret and the guilt and shame it produces is key in helping pedophiles maintain their hold over their victims Putting a confidential-ity agreement on a settlement just perpetuates the guilt and the shame
MS Unfortunately Martin Kruzersquos principal perpetrator received a shockingly light sen-tence for all his actions and I understand that this led to Martin com-mitting suicide shortly afterwards
SJ I would think that the perpetratorrsquos sentence was a part of why Martin chose to end his life yes It hap-pened relatively shortly after the sentencing and I suspect that it weighed heavily on Martinrsquos decision
MS Do you think that the sen-tence that the perpetrator received was a reflection of the then current attitude towards pedophiles and sexual abuse
SJ The sentence that the perpe-trator received was a reflection on the way that the Canadian justice system deals with criminals regard-ing personal crimes absolutely It was a very low sentence in keep-
Imants Kruze visiting his sonrsquos memorial quilt square in the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 43
obtain here versus how much they can obtain in the United States In the United States there is no cap for pain and suffering awards whereas here in Canada there is a very small cap mdash about $325000 If a survivor of sexual assault goes through the court system and even if they have a very good day in court in terms of compensation yoursquore probably looking at an award for dam-ages somewhere be-tween $200000 and $500000 Sometimes itrsquos actually less than $200000 and very very rarely more than $500000 so in that sense we are defi-nitely behind But I donrsquot think itrsquos a question of waiting 10 years to see if we ldquocatch uprdquo I think itrsquos just a fundamental difference in how our court system works and whatrsquos available to survivors in terms of compensation
If you mean that Canada is 10 years behind in dealing with other aspects of sexual assault then you are probably correct in terms of media attention public awareness and outrage Sexual assault is still largely an unreported unprose-cuted crime But things are getting better every day and as more and more survivors come forward posi-tive changes will continue to hap-pen
MS As Irsquom sure you know therersquos periodic discussion about tort re-
ing with what was handed out at the time and to a large extent itrsquos still in keeping with what is handed out right now
MS Are you still representing or have you represented anyone who is a plaintiff in this scandal
SJ I was very much involved in the core group of Maple Leaf Gar-dens survivors that came forward in 1997 I was on what was called the plaintiffsrsquo committee back then which was a group of a few lawyers who brought the litigation forward I represented a number of plaintiffs in the original group that came forward I have also represented quite a few men throughout the last 10 years and currently repre-sent two men in the last group of plaintiffs to come forward I have also been approached by at least two other men who may decide to pursue litigation
MS Dale English mdash who has spo-ken to you at some length mdash has said to me that either you or he or both of you have felt that Canada is perhaps 10 or more years behind the US in dealing with the issues of sexual abuse and sexual assault Could you elaborate on that com-ment
SJ I think it depends on what you mean by dealing with the is-sues If you mean dealing with the issues in terms of bringing civil cases forward to a certain extent we are behind One of the funda-mental differences between the United States and Canada is the way that our tort systems operate and specifically the amount of compensation that tort victims can
form in the United States mainly aimed at capping punitive dam-ages Irsquom wondering whether there is the mirror of that in Canada mdash whether therersquos any movement to-wards tort reform that would allow greater awards to victims
SJ Well there is and there isnrsquot In Canada itrsquos very difficult if not
impossible to get pu-nitive damages espe-cially if therersquos a criminal conviction The punitive damages that are available in Canada are very low A typical punitive damage award would be $20000 or $25000 - usually not much more than that So damages are quite restricted here in any event In terms of tort reform I think there is a global push by in-surance companies to
try to limit compensation whether in the States or here The things that the American Association of Justice are fighting for down in the States are the same things that the Ontario Trial Lawyers Association are fighting for here mdash the continued ability to sue for compensation un-hampered by legislative roadblocks benefitting powerful institutional defendants to the detriment of those who have suffered Ours is a much smaller playing field and therefore less money is at stake In terms of plaintiffsrsquo lawyers wersquore trying to maximize the compensa-tion that we can get for our client Every time we go to court we try
(Continued on page 44)
ldquoIf you mean that
Canada is 10 years
behind in dealing with
other aspects of sexual
assault then you are
probably correct in
terms of media
attention public
awareness and outrageldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 44
to get a higher damage award so that that case will be a building block for future cases There are always attempts to try to circum-vent the cap on pain and suffering damages that we have Itrsquos not an easy thing to do the cap has been in place in Canada for 32 years now It was put in place in 1977 by the Supreme Court of Canada and itrsquos unlikely to be overturned any-time soon Even though from a purely theoretical legal analysis that cap does not apply to pain and suffering damages for victims of sexual assault and sexual abuse the reality is that judges still use that cap as a high water mark even though it doesnrsquot formally apply mdash it is still a de facto cap and to be honest with you it is almost impos-sible to get anywhere near that cap for compensation for pain and suf-fering A typical pain and suffering award in Canada for childhood sex-ual abuse is somewhere between $100000 and $200000 Anything on top of that would be associated economic loss or care costs
MS Itrsquos quite unfortunate that even though therersquos no real cap the law behaves as if there were one
SJ Yep I couldnrsquot agree with you more Itrsquos very unfortunate
MS I understand that in 2005 the government of Ontario convened whatrsquos known as the Cornwall Pub-lic Inquiry Was the Inquiry con-vened to address the issues of sex-ual abuse and sexual assault and
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 43)
the way the justice system is han-dling it
SJ Thatrsquos probably one of the reasons the Inquiry was convened Thatrsquos one of the hopes The In-quiry was convened because of what was going on in a little city east of Toronto mdash a series of allega-tions against very prominent mem-bers of that community involving the sexual abuse of children over a period of many many years The idea behind the Inquiry is to try to figure out what happened and to put in place some recommenda-tions that will not only stop some-thing like the abuse in Cornwall from happening again but will also try to help those who were affected by the events in the first place And to some extent I think some good will come of the Inquiry Hopefully the recommendations will be good for survivors of childhood sexual abuse or any kind of sexual assault The Submission phase of the In-quiry officially ended late February 2009
MS Did you have the opportunity to testify before the Inquiry
SJ I did not personally testify before the Inquiry Testimony was generally limited to the people ac-tually involved mdash police officers vic-tims what not I was involved in the Inquiry with regards to a panel discussionroundtable that they had regarding the use of confiden-tiality agreements
MS As you probably know Male-Survivor was first founded in the early 1980s by a group of thera-pists who were concerned about support for victims of childhood
sexual abuse and although Male-Survivor is still not a very large or-ganization it has increased its in-fluence significantly over the years and Irsquom wondering whether there is a similar non-profit or other group in Canada that also is dedi-cated to helping victims of child-hood sexual abuse
SJ There are some grass roots organizations that deal with victims of childhood sexual abuse or adult sexual assault I donrsquot believe there is as cohesive a unit as MaleSurvi-vor I may be wrong on that but there are smaller more community based organizations that assist sur-vivors That being said resources available to survivors are unfortu-nately pretty limited
MS Is that because there are too few therapists in that form of prac-tice
SJ I think itrsquos a mixture of many different things First of all Canada has a much smaller population base mdash 30 million people as com-pared to 300 million in the United States mdash so you have significantly fewer people affected and there-fore you have significantly fewer resources available to those people The services that we do have will often have very long waiting lists before people can access them There are some very very good counselors in Canada assisting sur-vivors but unfortunately the waiting lists are sometimes long and the availability for public funding to provide services free of charge is somewhat limited
MS Is there anything in your opinion about the Canadian health
February 2009
Page 45
system that contributes to the scar-city of services
SJ I donrsquot know if itrsquos the Cana-dian health system I think that in Canada we have a pretty good public health system in the sense that anybody who needs medical services can access those services free of charge The problem is that a lot of these services are not covered under our health system per se Many are covered under either private plans or pay as you go type services and itrsquos just a question of finding the people who can provide these services and being lucky enough to get them when they either donrsquot have a waiting list or other-wise having to wait until your name comes up on that waiting list
MS And that could takes years in some cases it seems
SJ My understanding is that those waiting lists can be quite long but there are very good peo-ple out there Itrsquos just a question of finding them and being able to afford them
MS Can you elaborate on other differences between the US and Canada that affect the way survi-vors and perpetrators are treated by the legal system and the media
SJ The differences between Can-ada and the US are really huge On the surface Americans and Canadi-ans look pretty much the same dress the same talk the same eat the same foods and by and large watch the same TV but culturally there is a huge difference in the way we look at the world in the
way our legal system works and the way that people interact with one another
Americans are much more litigious by na-ture I think this is due to the fact that in the United States mdash at least as seen from the outside mdash the rights of the individual are paramount In Can-ada less so Canada is much more commu-nity-oriented We of-tentimes think about how something is going to affect others instead of looking at what an individual might be entitled to I think that the high
damage awards available through the American legal system are beneficial in sexual abuse cases as is the lack of a cap on awards which we have
In some ways though our legal system is much better for my cli-ents than the US system would be because of the way that our actual process works One of the things that I know is very damaging to a lot of plaintiffs in the United States is the whole discovery process tak-
ing depositions Depositions can go on for a huge number of days and pretty much everybody in the per-sonrsquos life can be called to give a deposition That is very troubling and painful for people who donrsquot necessarily want others to know about their abuse or donrsquot want to involve their family Here in Canada depositions mdash or what we call the examination for discovery mdash are lim-ited to the actual named parties in the lawsuit The defendant and the plaintiff are examined for discovery or deposed if you will Anyone who is not an actual party to the litiga-tion can only be discovered under court orders and itrsquos very difficult to get those court orders so in that sense itrsquos a much quicker cleaner process and less intrusive on some-onersquos life So that is probably a good thing
The other really huge difference between the two systems which I think does in fact impact on why a lot of these cases settle as opposed to going to court and oftentimes settle for very different amounts of money than they would if they went to court is that in Canada we have a ldquoloser paysrdquo system If you go to court and you lose you have to pay at least a portion of the fees incurred by the other side Letrsquos say the defendantrsquos settlement offer is $100000 If the plaintiff does not accept that $100000 and at trial the plaintiff gets $99000 then the plaintiff has to pay the lawyerrsquos fees of the defendant because the award is less than the settlement offer That is very difficult That means that a lot of cases are set-tled for probably less money than
(Continued on page 46)
ldquoOn the surface
Americans and
Canadians look pretty
much the same hellip but
culturally there is a
huge difference in the
way we look at the
world in the way our
legal system works and
the way that people
interact with one
anotherldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 46
MS I join you in that hope Any-thing that can advance the cause of not only helping people but also helping prevent further abuses is always going to be welcome If you could set forth a vision of how you would like to see the law and the therapeutic community in Canada evolve to handle matters of child-
hood sexual abuse and sexual assault mdash if you could influence the reform of institu-tions what would your vision be
SJ Oh Richard Wow Well first and foremost I would love to raise public aware-ness of this issue for various reasons I think that increased public awareness will not necessarily reduce the instances of abuse but will help improve how abuse is dealt with when itrsquos ongoing and after-wards Itrsquos very im-portant that when a child is hurt that
child knows that he can go to peo-ple for help and support All too often if kids get up enough cour-age to tell someone the reaction they get is not very positive I think that with increased public aware-ness hopefully people will under-stand that there are ways to deal with this that will decrease the amount of harm so public aware-ness is paramount
I would like the legal system to raise compensation awards for sur-
turning point in bringing to the publicrsquos attention that the sexual assault of children can happen does happen and itrsquos a very diffi-cult thing for anyone to go through whether theyrsquore little boys or grown men that were abused as children It brought childhood sex-ual abuse out of the shadows to a certain extent The scandal still garners media attention as new survivors come forward but not the same as it did 10 years ago
MS Would you say that the lack of inves-tigative reporting is a cultural phenomenon or is it that the news-papers donrsquot feel they have that role
SJ Oh no Canadian newspapers do feel that they have a role in investigating things but for whatever rea-son sexual abuse of children has not been a priority The Cana-dian media really has not been at the forefront of this issue the way the media in the United States has been and I think that is tremen-dously disappointing The lack of media attention means that we arenrsquot fostering the awareness within the public that we need in order to provide real help and ser-vices for survivors We need the mediarsquos help to bring this horrific crime to light and to help stop it from happening
they would get if they went to court because that risk of going to court and not getting at least the amount of the original offer weighs heavily on everyone Our system is designed and geared toward avoid-ing trials which can be good be-cause nobody really wants to go through a trial but can be bad be-cause people become very intimi-dated by the prospect of losing or not getting as much as the settle-ment offer and being indebted to the defendant for a lot of money Thatrsquos a scary scary thing to go through
With regards to the media the US has a media that by and large has helped out a lot with sexual abuse cases The whole issue of clergy abuse really started with investiga-tive reporting by the Boston Globe right
MS Right
SJ They really took that issue and just ran with it Here in Canada we really havenrsquot had the same kind of investigative media cover-age as yoursquove had which is why events like the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal are not as huge as they are down in the States
Before Martin Kruze committed sui-cide the media was only somewhat interested in the Maple Leaf Gar-dens scandal Martin Kruze was a figure because he had sued the Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Com-plex But after he committed sui-cide the media was really galva-nized and that was probably a
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 45)
ldquoThe lack of media
attention means that we
arenrsquot fostering the
awareness within the
public that we need in
order to provide real
help and services for
survivors We need the
mediarsquos help to bring
this horrific crime to
light and to help stop it
from happeningrdquo
February 2009
Page 47
ments but it canrsquot at this stage really happen through the courts
I would want there to be an ability for institutions or perpetrators mdash de-fendants mdash to look beyond mere dollars and cents and look toward healing the person that they have hurt either directly or indirectly All too often in these cases we really become tied up in the legal minu-tiae of things as opposed to defen-dants saying ldquoOK letrsquos step back here and letrsquos try to helprdquo
I wish that there were a real under-standing that these cases are not car accident cases and they should
not be treated as car accident cases My clients are not people whorsquove broken a leg and therefore need X amount of dollars in order to pay for medical services or whatnot And unfortu-nately that doesnrsquot necessarily happen
In terms of the thera-peutic community I would love to see counseling and therapy ses-sions be paid for through the pub-lic purse so that people who re-quire the services of highly-skilled counselors and therapists and psy-chologists can access those services without having to pay for them A lot of clients just donrsquot have the economic means to pay for such services until after they get a set-tlement and that could take years It would be wonderful to see those kinds of services funded the same way as a trip to the emergency room or a trip to your family doc-tor for a cold is funded Irsquod love to
vivors The amount of damage that can be done as a result of child-hood abuse or in fact any kind of sexual assault is tremendous It affects almost every aspect of someonersquos life It becomes inter-generational because it affects the people around the survivor and compensation awards are still very much a pale reflection of what is needed in order to help these peo-ple I hope that at some point our judges and our legislature under-stand that need and can corre-spondingly give appropriate and reasonable damage awards so that people can start to rebuild their lives in a meaningful way
I would love there to be an opportunity within our civil system for more than just compensation At this stage the only thing that a civil judge can do is award monetary compensation There are a lot of creative things that you can do within a settlement that are not purely fi-nancial that can give a lot of sol-ace to someone who has been abused whether that be in the form of some non-financial healing whether it be in the form of a situation where somebody can con-front their abuser if thatrsquos what they wish to do in a safe setting or whether itrsquos the ability for that sur-vivor to do something outside of pure simple dollars and put for-ward some sort of healing plan that is as individual as they are That can happen through settle-
be able to see that I think that that would go a long way to helping people earlier rather than later
Ultimately I wish that this situation didnrsquot exist anymore and I would be put out of business frankly
MS Well I can certainly sympa-thize with the way you feel but it would seem that you have a career ahead of you dealing with this problem
SJ Unfortunately I think you are right I think that instances of child-hood sexual abuse are not neces-sarily going down I think that insti-tutions are getting a little bit better at putting in place policies and sometimes even following their own policies to stop pedophiles from entering those institutions and preying on people that those insti-tutions are theoretically set up to serve but I think that as long as the problem of childhood sexual abuse is with us I will be out there trying to help anybody that I can
MS Is there anything else yoursquod like to say to our readers
SJ I think that organizations such as MaleSurvivor are imperative in helping people understand that they are not alone that itrsquos not their fault and there are ways to get help So hats off to an organi-zation such as yours The clients I have who are involved in your or-ganization are very very well served so I have to thank you for being a resource
MS Thank you very much for your kind comments and for your time Simona
ldquoUltimately I wish that
this situation didnrsquot exist
anymore and I would be
put out of business
franklyrdquo
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-
February 2009
Page 17
ple as well The main difference was they responded to their woundedness in a different fashion It is estimated that on any given day there are over 100000 people on probation in the province of Ontario It is also estimated that up to 80 of these folks may have been sexually abused This equates
to 80000 sexual abuse survivors who are on probation most of whom are male We also know that 59 of people in prison are sexual abuse survivors Sadly probation officers are not trained in sexual abuse recovery issues It is interest-ing to note that I work with more male survivors as a Probation Offi-cer than when I worked at the crisis centre When people are not given healthy outlets for expressing their anger it can manifest in less desir-able ways
I started the ldquoWe Want to Knowrdquo project in 2003 which was partially sponsored by the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness and the now
porting one another throughout the healing process is truly a magi-cal experience The men receiving services were both grateful and angry They were grateful to be receiving services but angry these services were not available when they were younger They wondered why so many other male survivors
are not given the same opportunity to heal Seven men from group consented to having their healing journey documented during thirty weeks of group counseling Thus the book Rebuilding Your House of Self Respect Men Recovering from Childhood Sexual Abuse first edi-tion was in the works
In 2002 I accepted a position as a Probation Officer with the Ministry of Community Safety and Correc-tional Services After working with victims for over a decade I won-dered if the adjustment to working with offenders was possible It did-nrsquot take long to realize that people who offended were wounded peo-
closed Windsor Family Forum We were able to fulfill the dream of the seven courageous men from group by distributing copies of the RYHSR book to agencies throughout Can-ada
Millions of dollars are spent in Can-ada for sexual assault crisis centres and other programs for female sur-
vivors These valuable programs for women are underfunded but un-fortunately there are rarely any services specifically for men The Canadian government has known for years that 37 of sexual abuse survivors under the age of 21 are male however they do not open their hearts for male survivors and welcome them into the circle of compassion
In 2007 the Diocese of London Ontario provided funding for my business Hope amp Healing Associ-ates and the Silence to Hope (STH) project was born The Diocese in-creased their funding from $30000
(Continued on page 18)
A Circle of Compassion (uncredited photo)
Vol 2 No 2
Page 18
material to the Ministry of Commu-nity Safety and Correctional Ser-vices the Ministry of Children and Youth Services Victim Services the Ontario Provincial Police and other various other agencies Over 1500 free copies of the second edition of my book Rebuilding Your House of Self Respect Men Recovering in Group from Childhood Sexual Abuse are being distributed to sur-vivors and agencies working with male survivors Lynne MacDonell has received funding from the Arch-diocese of Toronto and is assisting male survivors in central Ontario Her Help amp Hope Project is similar
to the STH project
The STH project was fortunate to partner with Howard Fradkin of MaleSurvivor and his Weekend of Re-covery facilitation team who came to Canada in November 2008 This was quite a treat for Canadian male survivors The expertise of the Frad-kin team provided a
high-caliber experience not nor-mally available to Canadians The feedback from participants indi-cated these men felt truly blessed to be part of this experience In 2009 I hope to write a workbook for male survivors that will accom-pany the second edition of the RYHSR book Ellen Campbell and the CCAA plan to partner with the STH project and provide free cop-ies of this workbook as part of a joint education and awareness pro-gram I am presently updating a Directory of Services for Health
in 2007 to $60000 in 2008 to $75000 in 2009 Thanks to the generosity of the Diocese we are able to provide support groups information and referral services education and awareness pro-grams The Diocese not only wanted us to help males who were victimized by priests but any male survivors
In the early stages we recognized that our communities were not pro-viding a safe and supportive envi-ronment for men to step out of isolation Various agencies were con-tacting me and shared their frustra-tions about not hav-ing places to refer men who were sexu-ally abused as chil-dren It became pain-fully evident how un-educated Canadian service providers are on the needs of men and sexual abuse One of the main focuses of the STH project is our education and aware-ness program and group facilita-tion
As sad as the present situation is for male survivors we are making progress The STH project has part-nered with agencies throughout our area and two agencies from our bigger cities are providing group facilitation on a year round basis We are partnering with the Cana-dian Centre for Abuse Awareness (CCAA) and providing educational
Circle of Compassion (Continued from page 17)
Canada and the National Clearing-house on Family Violence called Combining Voices This directory lists all agencies throughout the Country that provide services to male and female survivors
ldquoCollective denialrdquo is strong throughout Canada but there is HOPE There seems to be an im-portant shift in thinking taking place Several years ago the topic of working with male survivors was not to be spoken about however people are now more receptive to exploring the needs of a much ne-glected portion of the population More men are requesting services and more group counseling oppor-tunities are presenting themselves It appears that more and more Ca-nadian agencies are starting to rec-ognize the importance of including male survivors into the circle of compassion Every time we have articles in the media more men seem to come out of isolation My biggest concerns include the lack of funding by the government If this topic is not talked about and if a safe and supportive environment for men is not created men will go back into silence and isolation This work seems to be driven from the ldquobottom uprdquo and not the ldquotop downrdquo We need good men and women to talk more openly about the needs of male survivors ldquoCollective denialrdquo thrives when good people keep silent Survivors are not living in total isolation they are fathers brothers husbands workers community members and they are valuable human beings
We are proud to join MaleSurvivor in making this world a better place
ldquorsquoCollective denialrsquo is
strong throughout
Canada but there is
HOPE There seems to
be an important shift in
thinking taking placerdquo
February 2009
Page 19
This Boyrsquos Life
By Jordan M
M y life began as any other a happy boy in a happy nuclear family It
was a time when my biggest worry was my brother threatening to tattle on me for sneaking a cookie up to bed I was young and the life I was living was exactly how it should have been carefree and devoid of the messy thoughts and situations which I would soon come to know all too well I was a boy and without trying to sound too clicheacuted I was innocent Pure
My parentsrsquo nasty divorce popped that bubble I loved my family more than anything and the di-vorce ripped us apart Mom and Dad were too busy fighting each other to notice anything that was happening with me or my siblings We were pushed aside used as bargaining tools I felt like a pawn Mom convincing us that Dad was a bad guy Dad convincing us that Mom was to blame Being the third child of five I was lost I withdrew and I stayed as far away from any sort of family situation as I could I didnrsquot know whom to trust
Time passed and things leveled and Mom married again but her taste in men had changed since Dad Her new husband seemed to hate children and he made sure that was known He was a violent man and my family and I paid the price I felt more lost than ever I was all alone in a hell that I was not prepared for Looking for some
kind of calm in this storm I started spending more time with Dad on his farm
Dad had met and moved in with another woman as well and unlike my new step-dad I liked her I thought that this could be my escape I could stay with Dad and be safe Go back to being a kid again Live that normal life I used to have
Not only did Dadrsquos new girlfriend move in so did her brother mdash my new step-uncle of sorts He was great The coolest guy Irsquod ever met We got along he played with me we watched mov-ies we went out we did everything He paid attention to me and I sud-denly felt less alone He was that person whom I could trust He was the man who would help me through all this crap at home He was the one that cared I didnrsquot just have a new step-uncle I had a new friend a new guardian someone who was there for me I latched on I bought his trick mdash hook line and sinker
The sexual abuse began and after the initial shock frankly I got used to it Although I hated it he as-sured me it was ok This is what should be happening between a 12 year old boy and 32 year old man who have a special relationship like
the one we did I believed him All I had to do was comply with his sexual desires and he would remain there for me I was willing to pay that price to keep this man in my life Somewhere in the back of my little mind I knew it was wrong but
I wouldnrsquot tell a soul It was our little secret our special relation-ship Nobody could know but us
It went on for years and for years I grew more and more dis-tant from people from myself and from the world I attempted a few times to get away but there was no where to go Either I live in an abusive hell with Mom or I cater to my step-unclersquos desires at my
Dadrsquos Which is the lesser evil
I went back and forth from house to house each time growing a little more resilient a little harder Time went on and I wasnrsquot that little boy anymore Age was on my side now and I wanted it to stop
Mom did get rid of the mistake she married after a while but soon found a new one and I promised myself that I would not stand for another day in this hell The first time this new guy laid a hand on me I gave Mom an ultimatum him or me She chose him I was gone
(Continued on page 20)
In the First Person
ldquoAlthough I hated [the
abuse] he assured me it
was ok This is what
should be happening
between a 12 year old
boy and 32 year old
man who have a special
relationship like the one
we did I believed himrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 20
been chasing me the whole time and it was catching up
The lure of the big city called me and I began spending nights and weekends in Toronto Attempting to end the emptiness I began searching for ways to fill it I got hooked on drugs became an ad-dict I became hard Mean Nothing could touch me Fear couldnrsquot stand in my way The worst had already happened I thought what I was feeling was freedom but free was the farthest thing from the truth I was trapped trapped in anger and guilt and shame
The deep desire to be taken care of continued to force its way to the surface and take on new extremes My cutting habit that I had devel-
I left home at 16 I figured that anything was better than staying where I was This was going to be a new start for me It was going to be different this time I promised myself that I would make it
I was wrong Again
Life on your own at 16 is not an easy one mdash new city no friends barely any money Schools wouldnrsquot accept me apartments wouldnrsquot let a kid occupy a unit I was alone I was really alone this time It took
time but I eventually managed a bit of a life for myself and was able to get through high school but it didnrsquot come easy My past had
This Boyrsquos Life (Continued from page 19)
oped as a young teen had ex-ploded and I began to brutally beat myself in hopes that somebody would notice maybe take me to hospital Take care of me It didnrsquot work It never worked There was only one thing that worked sex
Hustling made me feel powerful Men would pay to be with me Itrsquos all I felt I was good at seducing men And it was a power that I so badly thought I needed As bad as I was treated the glimpse of con-trol that I felt was enough to keep me going back But all I was doing was allowing myself to be abused
over and over again It just lead me further and further down
The years passed and I lost all feeling I forgot how to feel I knew
A Sliver of Light copy 2009 Timothy Andrew
February 2009
Page 21
only three emotions happiness sadness and anger And it was the anger that consumed me Anything could set me off I was a ticking time-bomb I began to wonder if any sort of normal life would ever happen for me
I was ready to give up to accept that this was what God had planned for me but somewhere inside that messed up 20 year old head of mine there was a sliver of light the same light that was there when I was a child the light that only had to worry about sneaking a cookie up to bed And I knew that that tiny glimpse of light was the real me If I could find a way to broaden its beam I would be able to peel back all the layers of abuse and discover who I really am
I searched I called crisis lines I went to free therapy sessions I attempted to try to understand why I was like I was but I kept hitting dead ends Nobody seemed to know how to help me me a male survivor
Nothing would last The little help I did receive all faded All I really got were programs and information and books and flyers Then I found Lynne MacDonells number I called her late one night She agreed to meet with me and quickly got me
into her mens group ldquoA Time for Menrdquo
The group literally saved my life For the first time I knew I wasnt alone There were other men who had been through what I had been through and they genuinely cared for me It has been over three years
now and it is still difficult Although I have put an end to the coping mecha-nisms mdash the drugs and the cutting mdash itrsquos the feelings that still manage to give me a struggle As survivors we have to sort out our insides Our guts Our feelings All that stuff was ripped out mixed up and thrown back in when we were abused We have to retrain our brains learn how to think how to feel how to trust how to love At times I feel like Irsquom an emotional infant as if my body kept
growing after my uncle abused me but my mind didnrsquot That was the main issue when I finally decided that I needed to be on the path of recovery So I focused and I began
I look forward to those two hours every Monday night because I know I can say and share anything I want and I will not be judged I am safe there I am safe to peel back those layers of abuse and discover the real me who I was really meant to be not this husk of
a human being that I had been living as for so many years
Since joining the group I have finished university got my degree I am free of drugs and self-harming I have a good job and a much healthier lifestyle and I have come out with my secret about sexual abuse
I am not ashamed of who I am anymore It is a long and tough uphill battle and it is still far from over but I know that I have plenty of people helping me fight this battle Our group is more that just a support group We are a family a brotherhood of survivors deter-mined to help each other and spread the word
It was hope That light the real memdashit was hope As survivors some-times all we have to go on is hope and that is why we need to remem-ber that there is ALWAYS hope There never needs to be a dead end That tiny sliver of light exists in all of us you just have to find it
ldquoAs survivors
sometimes all we have
to go on is hope and
that is why we need to
remember that there is
ALWAYS hope There
never needs to be a
dead end That tiny
sliver of light exists in
all of us you just have
to find itrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 22
My Story
by Bruce M
A s I start to write this article I find myself sitting in front of the house where I was
first sexually abused I donrsquot know why I am here but I am Perhaps it is my way of being in control which I certainly wasnrsquot for a very long time It was really not that long ago before I avoided this area of the city entirely mdash never mind sitting on the street in front of the home where I was sexually as-
saulted
I am now 42 years old and have a partner who supports me more than I could have ever asked for I am in love and
although I thought I loved others before now I really know what love is For many years I was so secretly dysfunctional that most people were under the impression that I had it all together but that was furthest from the truth I was a good actor
I grew up in a middle class suburb of Toronto I was the youngest of three kids I was diagnosed with ADD and was given Ritalin to ldquosettle me downrdquo I think that Ritalin was an easy out for my parents I needed more one on one interac-tion and understanding rather than a drug regimen which suited their
needs I clearly remember my pe-diatrician back then coaching my parents on what I needed mdash and many of his recommendations went ignored In their minds it seemed that all I needed was Ritalin
I had very few true friends Most people found my hyperactivity to be too much My mother was a practicing alcoholic (thankfully sober for about 28 years now) and my father was nothing short of physically abusive mdash mainly to my sister and me but also to my brother from what I understand My father had out-bursts of rage during which he would beat me with a dog leash and his fist Once he shoved my head down a toilet and told me that is where I belonged I donrsquot know if many people could appreciate how horrible it was to be told that As long as I live I will never for-get how I felt when he said that
When I was 12 years old I was enrolled in basketball That year I excelled and my team ended up winning the champion-ship This was a great confidence boost that I really needed I had finally found something that I was good at The second year was not so great My assistant basketball
coach was a sexual predator who saw a shy and troubled boy in me and decided that he would look after his own needs This guy was a medical doctor so he knew what he was doing and started what I now understand was a very intense grooming process He talked to me about my hyperactivity my motherrsquos alcoholism and my fatherrsquos abuse As I remember back he brought these things up often while he was getting to know me
After a period of time he invited me to his home one day on the pretence of my coming over to rake leaves Once there he invited me to his basement where he
Moving On
Bruce M
Bruce M during the time of his abuse
February 2009
Page 23
matum He said that if I would not come to his house we could no longer be friends I donrsquot know how I did it but I decided that I did not want to go to his house and that was the end of that I now know that he went on to find an-other victim
For nearly the next two decades I struggled with life To add insult to injury I knew that I was a gay male and after the abuse I figured that this was what a gay relation-ship was like and I didnrsquot want it I lacked direction with almost everything I did For a while I was practically homeless because I was staying with one friend after another putting myself in situations where I could be abused again and again I was con-stantly haunted with
guilt because I was sure that the man who abused me was abusing other boys
Finally one day I came forward and told the police about my abuse They charged this man and I quickly learned that this perpetra-tor was one of the nastiest that I have come across to this day He had deep pockets and fought ruthlessly I was followed by private investigators my friends were approached by private investigators
made it clear that his gentle kind supportive ways would have a cost to me I remember hating the experience This disgusting smelling man was more than repulsive Would you believe that I went back Well I did Most other vic-tims of sexual abuse will under-
stand why better than those who have not been there I wanted to be cared for and listened to so badly that for a while I just put up with the abuse This guy came to my school at lunch and let me drive his car around the back streets I was too young and imma-ture to realize that this was not a kind gesture but more grooming that would give him access to what he wanted Eventually he got an-noyed that I would avoid going to his house so he gave me an ulti-
for interviews and he hired some of Canadarsquos best attorneys to get him out of his charges When I went to court to testify at a prelimi-nary trial he had people there to threaten me in the halls of the court and the bathrooms The criminal case went on and on and eventually to the Supreme Court of Canada for a ruling about my con-sent All in all it has been a very intense process which went on so long that the case was thrown out because of delay He is still not out of hot water because the College of Physicians and Surgeons went after him and I had to testify at that hearing too which is still going on to this day
Last fall I completed my third Weekend of Recovery and al-though I have been in private ther-apy for close to four years and have been a part of a menrsquos group in Toronto nothing compares to the results that I achieved from attending the Weekends of Recov-ery The weekend program and the connections that I made with other guys and therapists have been instrumental in giving me a push forward allowing me to have some happiness and a meaningful rela-tionship which I was never able to have before
Life is not perfect but I can tell you that it is so much better than it was a few years ago and it is getting better all the time
Bruce M during the time of his abuse
Vol 2 No 2
Page 24
nor injury well that was his cue He took me into a medical room and closed the door He examined my knee and soon the subject changed That was the first time that I was sexually assaulted
Over the years this repulsive man be-came my coach in both hockey and baseball He was a central figure at the arena and the base-ball diamond He was the one involved in all the fundraisers and came to be known as ldquothe guy who would do any-thing for the kidsrdquo Most of the parents loved him mdash but not mine He drank with parents partied with them all while he ldquotook carerdquo of us kids
The first time I was abused at the arena I told someone older than I I did so again when I was 15 What was I to do Neither time did the adults take appropriate action and you guessed it everything was swept under the carpet So I did the only thing I knew how to do mdash I stuffed it
Growing up was a difficult time for me because of the abuse and the fact that I suffered with ADHD and anxiety (undiagnosed at the time) My sisters did well in school how-ever I didnrsquot I would work my tail off get a ldquoCrdquo and then would be told to work harder or asked if I
A Victim No More
by Glenn Allan
M y name is Glenn Allan and I grew up in Stoney Creek Ontario Canada
By all rights I should have been dead years ago I am a recovering alcoholic and cocaine addict and I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse I donrsquot want my story to become an ldquoabuse or addiction-aloguerdquo so I wonrsquot get into graphic details or talk about every abusive situation
Please keep an open mind as this is my story
I was wel-comed into a loving yet dysfunctional family in February of 1964 I have four sisters
nine nieces and nephews two great-nieces and one great-nephew My story begins around the age of seven I loved skating and playing hockey I was always told ldquoYoursquove gotta practice to get betterrdquo and so I did I would play as much ice and road hockey as I could and my sis-ters would take me public skating It was at public skating that my abuser first spotted me and as-saulted me I fell during one of those skating sessions and hurt my knee My abuser was a skating monitor that day and when I needed medical attention for a mi-
were dumb My frustrations grew mdash if only they knew that there was a hurting little boy inside But I was a boy who was too afraid to say that he hurt or to cry mdash because ldquobig boys donrsquot cryrdquo I would get teased at home about being stupid or
asked ldquoWhy donrsquot you try harderrdquo
I couldnrsquot defend my-self verbally with my parents because that would have been ldquotalking backrdquo There were times when I would be so angry at them for picking on me for little things and I would think to myself ldquoYou are yell-ing at me for this while he (the abuser) is doing that to merdquo
Talk about frustration and built up rage I was a walking volcano I would fight all the time whether it was at school playing hockey or baseball it really didnrsquot matter why mdash all I knew was I was MAD
Over the years I slowly lost my self-esteem and self-worth I wanted to be anybody but me I idolized ath-letes like Bobby Orr Bobby Clarke and Pete Rose because of their dedication and work ethic Being a class clown I loved comedians (Steve Martin Richard Pryor Robin Williams Johnny Carson) and the entertainer in me loved singers (Elvis) and wanted so badly to be them Then maybe people would like me because there was abso-lutely no way anyone could really
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Glenn Allan
ldquoMy frustrations grewmdash
if only they knew that
there was a hurting little
boy inside But I was a
boy who was too afraid
to say that he hurt or to
crymdashbecause lsquobig boys
donrsquot cryrsquordquo
February 2009
Page 25
like or love me with the things my abuser had made me do
Because of the trauma of being abused I wet the bed until I was about 12 years of age which drained any remaining self-worth or self-esteem that I had left I was so embarrassed And then I had to tolerate ridiculous comments from people saying things like ldquoYou know that you are going to have to stop thisrdquo and ldquoYou are getting too old for thisrdquo No kidding really Did they think that I liked waking up in my own urine Did they not think that I wanted to stop Did they have any idea how their words hurt me Man oh man it was like that all the time They just didnrsquot think before they spoke
Frustrated and over-whelmed in my teens I finally found the ldquofriendrdquo that I had been looking for mdash first name ldquoALrdquo last name ldquoCOHOLrdquo I would be-come a whole new person when I drank booze and how I drank I found a brand new confidence I was somewhat funny when I drank dur-ing the early years of drinking however over time I became de-pressed and extremely angry I would fight in bars on a regular basis Then in December of 1987 I was stabbed outside a bar and nearly died Now you would think that being stabbed and nearly dy-ing would prompt a lifestyle
change or at the very least cause me to take a personal inventory of my situation and myself But not me I wore it as a badge of honour allowing the insanity to continue
It is said that if the drugs and alco-hol donrsquot kill you the lifestyle will During this time and over the years I was introduced to many criminals Their crimes ranged from murder assaults extortion and drug dealing to running massage parlours and prostitution mdash to just name a few One of my acquaint-ances was even a hired killer He
actually assassinated two reputed crime bosses in Ontario and is now serving a lengthy sentence for those and other killings
But I was drawn to their so-called power and complete disregard for the law Looking back on it I guess I was looking to reclaim the power
that was stolen from me by my abuser
In my early twenties I got a job working with Young Offenders as a Correctional Officer With the money I was making I bought a very nice sports car dated pretty women was extremely materialistic and yet I was never satisfied I worked in corrections for about four years During that time I also began my career in the world of entertainment as a voice impres-sionist and stand-up comedian as well as a co-host of a comedy tele-
vision show I had a tremendous ego and unknowingly had be-come rdquoThe Great I Amrdquo
After a couple of years I moved from comedy to producing and host-ing my own sports television program which aired for ten years I had so much fun and I was able to meet and interview some of sportsrsquo big-gest names
In my mid-20s when the alcohol wasnrsquot medicating my pain any longer I turned to
something stronger mdash COCAINE During a span of approximately ten years the combination of alcohol cocaine and all my poor choices cost me most of my jobs many of my relationships and all my money It drove me to criminal activity po-lice charges a conviction and a criminal record But most of all I
(Continued on page 26)
Alone Uncredited Photo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 26
was lost Glenn was slowly dying inside me I became depressed and despondent and I hated so many people But most of all I hated my-self
I had attempted suicide on a few occasions and I really and truly had a death wish I hated myself so much that on Friday January 16 1998 loaded with a supply of co-caine and booze I booked myself into a hotel room with no intention of coming out alive Friday night and Saturday passed with me drinking and getting high on co-caine After having more cocaine delivered to me on Sunday after-noon there was no turning back mdash or so I thought Approximately at midnight on Sunday I made my final decision mdash it was time for me to leave this stinking world I ingested enough cocaine to kill me and then I barricaded my hotel door and ripped the phone out of the wall I lay down on the bed defeated broken sad guilt-ridden ashamed depressed and scared yet so ready to die
Only Divine Intervention mdash some sort of miracle mdash can explain what hap-pened next The police came into my hotel room at just the right time on Sunday night and took me to the hospital Who called them how did they know to come to my room I donrsquot know Well thatrsquos not completely true Today I am a man of faith and as a Christian I know exactly who orchestrated my rescue
A Victim No More (Continued from page 25)
After a brief stay in the hospital I chose to enter the Hamilton Menrsquos Withdrawal Management Centre where I spent eleven days From there I entered an intensive addic-tion treatment centre for a six-week stay followed by a five and one half month stay at a recovery house
I have been clean and sober since Janu-ary 19 1998
I work the program of recovery intensely I was blessed with some incredible therapists who were able to break through my trust issues my rough exterior and my wall of comedy to allow me to heal I also became involved in the 12-Steps and other support groups through which I have found tremendous friendships and men-toring
Recovery is about making changes Al-though my abuser assaulted me until I was 15 years old I blamed him for all of my problems until I was 33 years old I had to change from being a pro-fessional blamer and liar to a man of responsibility character and in-tegrity It wasnrsquot easy however after many tears and lots of hard work life has gotten much better
Over time and through applying these principles I found peace se-renity and forgiveness and I also
learned how to love myself again Everything that was set in motion to harm me as a young man is now what drives me With Godrsquos help today I am able to live humbly honestly open-minded and willing to do whatever it takes to stay clean and sober while doing what I can to help others who face similar
struggles
Today I serve the Ca-nadian Centre for Abuse Awareness as the Director of the Southwestern Ontario office My mission at hand is to create a task force that will be responsible for build-ing a residential pro-gram for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
I am also the Execu-tive Producer and Host of three popular television programs Good News Sports The Edge and Living Clean Living Clean is the only live weekly interactive television program in Canada
that is designed to assist individu-als who suffer with addiction abuse andor mental illnesses
I also host The Glenn Allan Show on a local radio station in Hamil-ton ON Canada
As a motivational speaker my pres-entation entitled Youth Yak Live has enabled me to speak to thou-sands of youth nationwide since 2000 Through Youth Yak Live I
ldquoRecovery is about
making changes
Although my abuser
assaulted me until I was
15 years old I blamed
him for all of my
problems until I was 33
years old I had to
change from being a
professional blamer and
liar to a man of
responsibility character
and integrity
February 2009
Page 27
Male Survivor Groups (MSG)
By Robert Beacuterubeacute Co-founder MSG
M ale Survivor Groups (MSG) was created by a group of male survivors
of childhood sexual abuse follow-ing the death of a fellow survi-vor in Lon-don Ontario Canada The initial objec-tives were to foster cama-raderie and support for one another and also to obtain proper help
for survivors in the London area
Presently our aim is to help all male survivors and also to make our cause known It is open to all male survivors of childhood ado-lescent and adult abuse We have expanded and have supported the creation of groups across Canada and we are prepared to support the creation of groups throughout the World
Groups have been established in London Vancouver Sudbury and North Bay in Canada
Our beliefs
1 Our groups are for male survi-vors of abuse What is said in the group remains there What is stated must remain confiden-
have developed tremendous work-ing relationships with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police Ontario Provincial Police Crime Stoppers local police agencies young of-fender facilities churches self-help groups and alcohol and drug treatment centres
I also facilitate a weekly peer sup-port group for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
There was a time when I thought I would never get married and that no one could love me for who I am Colleen and I met in 1999 We both have similar pasts We both have worked through our abuse issues and are both clean and so-ber In 2001 my best friend and I married and we now have three beautiful children Ashley Brandon and Christopher Spending the rest of my life with Colleen and our family is a dream come true
The opportunity of sharing Godrsquos gifts and blessings with others is truly an honour and a privilege It is imperative that I never take these things for granted
If I can assist you or someone dear to you please donrsquot hesitate to contact me at the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness Ph 905-594-1581 or email glennccfaacom or visit these websites
wwwabusehurtscom wwwlivingcleanca wwwglennallanca
or write to me co CCAA 38 King St East PO Box 66614 Stoney Creek ON L8G 5E5
(Continued from page 26)
tial Anonymity is of the utmost importance unless the survivor has gone public But intimate details of the public person must also remain confidential Confidentiality must be assured
2 We are in the group to heal and to support each other
3 We are male survivors who want to heal and help others in the process We can be as young as 16 or as old as old can be
4 Our primary purpose is our own safe being Secondary purposes are the betterment of services for male survivors and the advancement of our cause
5 We fight on so that we may grow in solidarity
6 We are not a religious group We do use different models of functioning in our different sub-groups Ours is a healing group for more than one prob-lematic issue
7 We encourage partnerships with organisations businesses and agencies that foster the creation of services for male survivors of abuse
We have created a Facebook Group which is also open to FRIENDS who support our cause Our group is establishing partnerships with other male survivor groups in Canada and worldwide You can contact us through the Facebook page or by emailing me at berube55yahooca
Support Groups
Robert Beacuterubeacute
Vol 2 No 2
Page 28
The CCAA By Ellen Campbell [ellenccfaacom]
Founder and Executive Director Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness
A s some of you know the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness (CCAA) is a
national non-government charitable organization dedicated to eliminat-ing child abuse through advocacy education public awareness and prevention programs With help from community and corporate partners the CCAA provides accessible support healing and indi-vidual empowerment for adult survivors their fami-lies and caregivers through over 20 programs Those that listen to classic rock station Q107 in the To-ronto region will recognize us as their charity of choice through Derringerrsquos Thir-teen Days of Christmas campaign
Based in Newmarket On-tario the CCAA is an active and vibrant organization that in addition to its variety of program offer-ings is also involved in public safety advocacy That advo-cacy started with the early release from prison of one of the perpetra-tors in the Maple Leaf Gardensrsquo child sex abuse scandal Many surviving victims were traumatized again this time by the system The
CCAA went public with its concerns that day and the public safety advocacy program was born
Later the CCAA wrote a sweeping report titled Martinrsquos Hope named in memory of Martin Kruze (the first victim to courageously go public with the story of his abuse at the Gardens and who later tragi-cally took his own life) that made 60 recommendations for legislative and policy change to the criminal justice system These recommenda-tions were gleaned from round-
table discussions with over 150 front-line criminal justice system professionals crime victims and survivors To this day members of the Kruze family sit on the CCAA Board of Directors
After the initial public release of the Martinrsquos Hope report in the fall of 2003 I knew that if repairs were to be made to the criminal justice system advocacy would have to be accelerated That advocacy began in earnest in early 2006 with the hiring of John Muise a volunteer with the CCAA and previously a Toronto police officer with signifi-cant experience in legislative and policy advocacy The hire coincided with new political winds blowing in Ottawa The CCAArsquos full-time public
safety program was born
Relationships already in existence were strength-ened new ones were made and the CCAA intensified its advocacy with politi-cians stakeholders and other decision makers In addition the CCAA courted media attention recogniz-ing the opportunity to get our message out
That advocacy included the preparation of written briefs in support of testi-mony before a number of decision making bodies including several appear-ances before the House of Commons Justice Commit-tee
ADVOCACY REWARDED The last three years have brought success on a number of fronts Progress on the criminal justice reform front is rarely if ever the result of one person or just one organization advocating for
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoMartinrsquos Hoperdquo in Memory of Martin Arnold Kruze From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 29
government Although there are specific circumstances under which the age of consent is 16 (or 18) the general age of consent remained at 14 For many in the child protection
world this has been a shame of what is otherwise a devel-oped and civilized land The fight is finally over with the passage and Royal Assent of this legisla-tion in July of 2008 This is a victory for the many people that fought the good fight and most importantly this law allows prose-cution of those adult predators who choose to sexually exploit 14
and 15 year old children
Review of federal corrections policy
In 2007 the federal government ordered an independent review of the federal corrections and parole system The CCAA attended the announcement of that review and subsequently appeared before the review team and provided detailed written recommendations for change The final report included a number of recommendations that the CCAA provided including those contained in Martinrsquos Hope A rollout of some report recommen-dations has already started includ-ing a pilot project for the use of electronic monitoring on serious and violent offenders who are on parole in communities
(Continued on page 30)
Dangerous offenders Having someone declared a dan-gerous offender is very difficult to do In fact there are fewer then 400 declared dangerous offenders in the country This amendment makes it easier to bring a dangerous offender application for a serious repeat con-victed offender before the court The end result should be we hope the detection and declaration of more dangerous offenders Dangerous offender designation is for life and results in indefinite lock-up of the offender with periodic judicial reviews
Community protection orders
Also known as ldquoSection 810rdquo orders they allow the state to monitor the activities of certain subjects mdash no longer under some form of sen-tence or other judicial release but still considered a danger mdash to be placed on a judicial order similar to a bail with control and monitoring conditions The legislation explicitly expands the controls that can be usedmdashfor example electronic moni-toringmdashand extends the length of the order from one year to two
Age of protection For longer than people care to remember advocates have fought to raise the general age of consent from 14 to 16 years of age Until recently those voices have been largely ignored by the federal
change but no one can deny the important roll played by the CCAA in advancing these reforms These are all original recommendations contained in the Martinrsquos Hope report The results as they say speak for themselves and include but are not limited to the follow-ing
Mandatory minimum sentences for Internet chi ld abuse offences
Over time courts have increasingly relied on so called ldquohouse arrestrdquo provisions (see section immediately below) when sentencing offenders found guilty of Internet child abuse and similar kinds of serious child exploitation offences The sen-tences were often way out of pro-portion to the gravity of the crimes Minimum sentences were legislated for a variety of crimes with the net effect of eliminating the ability of the court to impose ldquohouse arrestrdquo
Conditional sentences of imprisonment
Better known as ldquohouse arrestrdquo this measure brought in over a decade ago was being imposed by the courts for ever more serious of-fenders and offences Many violent and dangerous offenders were allowed to serve their term of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo at home Justice and public safety were compro-mised by this provision Although the Bill that finally passed was watered down significantly by opposition party demands the end result was a tightening of the cir-cumstances under which a sen-tence of this kind could be given
ldquoAfter the initial public
release of the Martinrsquos
Hope report in the fall
of 2003 I knew that if
repairs were to be made
to the criminal justice
system advocacy would
have to be acceleratedrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 30
munity committees and inquiries including the Federal Inquiry pre-sided over by Justice Major into the Air India bombing
Moving forward We are delighted to report that John Muise our Director of Public Safety has recently received a Governor-in-council appointment as a full-time member of the Na-tional Parole Board effective in May of 2009 Although this is a big loss
for the CCAA we are thrilled for John and we know that he will bring the same com-mitment to public safety in that position as he did with the CCAA We wish him the very best in this new and challenging role
Much progress has been made in the past three years with
more anticipated The federal gov-ernment has signaled its intention to finish the work it started and attempt a further repeal of condi-tional sentences of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo They have also said that they in-tend on amending certain aspects of parole legislation and moving on tightening up security (including drug interdiction) in federal prisons
As we kick off 2009 the CCAA has the following priorities
Enhanced training for law enforcement off icers involved in chi ld abuse
investigations The introduction of provincial ldquosafe havenrdquo legislation that would pro-
vide a distressed mother who has given birth (within 72 hours) to take her baby to a place of safety (for example fire station police station hospital emergency) no questions asked and drop the baby off The purpose is to avoid the unthinkable mdash dumpster aban-donment murder at birth This legislation exists in all 50 of the United States but has yet to to be introduced in this country
Parole reform In addition the CCAA will work with partners on two parole and corrections recommendations They include legislating breach of parole as an offence for which a police officer has a power of arrest Com-plimentary to this the replacement of statutory release (automatic release after serving two thirds of a sentence) with regular earned parole Both recommendations were included in the final report of the Corrections Review Team and had been provided with others by the CCAA
We at the CCAA believe that much has been done on the criminal justice reform and public awareness front We are grateful for the pro-gress thus far and proud of the part we have played in moving the public safety agenda along
There is still much work to be done and the CCAA will step up to carry on this most important work
Selection of judges In recognition of the importance of the justice selection process the federal government has recently expanded the scope of people selected to sit on the regional Judicial Advisory Committees tasked with vetting potential ap-pointments and providing recom-mendations to the federal Attorney General and Minister of Justice for final selection Although still dominated by judges and lawyers a wider variety of voices and minds is now part of the selection proc-ess This is welcome news I am one of those voices I sit on one of the regional committees itrsquos an appointment we can all be proud of
Gun crime and other victim focused matters
Although outside the specific man-date of the CCAA (and not included in the Martinrsquos Hope report) in recognition of the impact on com-munities and particularly at risk children and youth the CCAA also appeared before the House of Commons Committee in support of mandatory minimum sentences for serious gun crimes and for amend-ments that tighten up the bail system for those charged with serious gun-related offences
In addition several crime victim supportive briefs were prepared for a number of safe school and com-
The CCAA (Continued from page 29)
ldquoWe at the CCAA hellip are
grateful for the progress
thus far and proud of
the part we have played
in moving the public
safety agenda alongrdquo
February 2009
Page 31
higher than its current statistical significance would suggest I would suggest itrsquos about one in four of the men I deal with 25 compared to the 16 suggested in the cur-rent literature If you allow for the fact that many of the men I work with have come from dysfunctional families that have been dysfunc-tional for generations the higher rate of incidence will hardly be surprising
I really had no idea when I started this job that I would have a head-
on collision with CSA No idea at all I was in my pre-survivor life My own past experi-ences were like a dormant volcano Sure some smoke would puff out every now and then for no readily apparent rea-son but no major eruption But as I heard more and more stories told by men in their own abyss of despair and self loath-ing things started to bubble within me
I remember the first man who disclosed to me He did not really intend to He started to tell part of a story and I just knew I just knew What he did say was part of an institutional abuse situa-tion that gained public awareness in the media After that story broke many men came forward as well to tell their story of how they too were abused as boys in a school
Inside
By Geeders (Jim)
W hen I was first asked to write about my experi-ences working in a jail I
wasnrsquot really sure what I could say about it Can I say this or should I say that Was it going to be really negative or show promise of better days ahead And what about me mdashthe new me mdash dealing with issues of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) at the same time as the men I see and work with How the hell was (or is) that going to work Well it is a work in progress after all and one that seems to evolve as I change and as I become more comfortable with my own sense of a new self
Let me begin by saying that there is nothing in this article that would meet the rigours of clinical dissection Equally important I do not work with sexual offenders What I am going to say is purely my experience based on personal observation No scientific analysis can be attributed to it apart from what we already know or suspect One in six men will have been sexually assaulted or abused by the time they are 18 It has long been opined that the number of abused men is actually
setting that was really a cover for juveniles in trouble with the law
The inmate I was working with did not come forward at that time He couldnrsquot His disclosure to me was the first time he had ever said anything about his abuse No one else knew mdash no one He was alone His pain was palpable and obvious His shame and guilt were profound Never had he admitted to himself what had happened in that school let alone admitted to a total stranger until that very moment I listened to his pain tried to console him just let him cry Eventually over the course of a couple of interviews it became obvious to me why he was in jail Any self-esteem that he had as a boy or young man was destroyed by his abuse His very essence was rewritten by the men who had abused him Teens get into trouble but they can also learn to later stay out of it by fol-lowing the teachings of those they trust But for this young man his ability to trust was destroyed by the very people who were sup-posed to care for him nurture him and dare I say it love him appro-priately What was even more tragic is that this man came from a cul-ture that has low tolerance for anything that even remotely resem-bles homosexuality
Being abused sent this man on a downward spiral that ultimately turned him into a drug addict by his own admission a junkie who hated himself for what ldquohe had
(Continued on page 32)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoOver the course of
several related careers I
have seen a lot of good
being done Irsquove also
seen a lot of ugliness
that even by todayrsquos
standards defies the
most common
sensibilities we have as
human beingsldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 32
donerdquo His shame and guilt and culture prevented him saying any-thing about what happened It cut him off from any legal action that might take place and removed any sort of financial compensation that he might gain as a result of his abuse It eventually cut him off from his own family because his drug abuse prevented him from working and supporting his wife and family It destroyed his ability to be a good dad and husband A few years later I saw him back in jail again
When I did encounter him again it was with an in-creased sense of awareness within me Every time a man disclosed to me that he had been sexually abused or assaulted I started to die inside A little piece of me just died every time a man said to me what I could not say to myself or anyone else That dormant volcano started to fume a bit more regularly
Over the course of several related careers I have seen a lot of good being done Irsquove also seen a lot of ugliness that even by todayrsquos standards defies the most common sensibilities we have as human beings It exists Itrsquos around every corner if we choose to look at it Along with the ugly we have the good We have people who are willing to take a stand and come forward to say to the world ldquoWe
Inside (Continued from page 31)
have a problem here itrsquos not going to go away and it needs to be fixedrdquo I had the good fortune to meet many of these people last year at a conference on male sex-ual victimization By then I had been able to learn from the men that I serve that perhaps I too could learn to tell someone Could I be a survivor too
Men in jail are there for a reason Whether itrsquos to protect society while they await trial or from
themselves or while sentenced they are here Whether I think they should be here is irrelevant They are usually at the end of their ropes Their lives are upside down and in turmoil They are frequently in withdrawal from illicit drug use They are in the bottom of a pit from which there does not appear to be an escape or refuge They are desperate and will act desperately
if needed They are angry and no longer have any control over their lives Someone has taken that control away from them They have no choice but to comply Failure to comply results in loss of privileges which can include being prohibited from contact with those they love the most Forced co-habitation with other men can evoke strong memories of prior abuse which they cannot deal with let alone understand It can be isolation
They are alone and cannot speak about their issues for fear of being discovered and further stigmatized and trau-matized by a peer group that cannot tolerate differences or diversity
I have been fortunate in that for some reason men trust me and feel safe and able to disclose And when they do you can see the relief on their faces They are scared for sure but it has always seemed to be a relief I have to ask them I have no choice because itrsquos part of my job But now as a survivor myself I can tell them they are not alone I cannot tell them about me but I can tell them they are not alone that they
are among the approximately one in six men who are assaulted or abused when they are boys or young men I can tell them about the few resources we have avail-able for men which are a 100 improvement compared to what they had when they first walked into my office I tell them about MaleSurvivor and have MS posters up in my office I can tell them that
ldquoTougher than lsquoNamrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 33
Maybe not I prefer to think that I have shown them that there is hope There is life in being a survi-vor they donrsquot have to be held hostage any longer by a secret that was put upon them by an abuser I prefer to think that I have been able to show them that they do not have to be ashamed for being male When I speak with them Irsquom a straight shooter I calls rsquoem as I sees lsquoem I use words they can understand mdash street language mdash which helps them understand their bodies and to understand that Mother Nature made them to be reactive and responsive I tell them that simply because their bodies reacted that their bodies re-sponded while being abused did not make the abuse their fault It takes a while to get there at times But the relief when the penny drops and they realize that they themselves were in no way respon-sible for the abuse is quite remark-able
Just this week Irsquove been working with a man who actually smiled when he came into my office He said ldquoI finally get it It wasnrsquot my faultrdquo He then went on to tell me that immediately prior to his at-tending in my office he had just disclosed to his sister while on the phone in his jail area surrounded by other inmates While it was perhaps not the safest venue for a disclosure he made his own deci-sion He said he was taking control As a 35 year old this man has not been in control since he was first abused at age seven Subsequent abuse only reinforced for him that he was an object a thing not worth anything Relationship after relationship failed him as he con-tinued to relive issues of abandon-
there are over 6000 people regis-tered at MS and that when they get out they will find tremendous support at the MS website I can tell them about Weekends of Re-covery without disclosing that attending a WOR was one of the best things I have done with my life They will know that they are no longer alone And not once has anyone asked me directly about me If they did I could not reply which in a round about way is a reply But I cannot reply Why The institution that I work in can be as intolerant of differences and diver-sity as the inmates are of each other The whole notion of male abuse and assault simply does not exist It is not spoken of It will not be spoken of mdash until now
Because abuse is now spoken of I have been able to create a support network for inmates and for myself Itrsquos a small step but a step never-theless Itrsquos spoken of now at a level never before reached in terms of official support and direction Support has yet to be defined but I have a mandate now to do a better job for male survivors Itrsquos on paper Itrsquos my goal
Safety of all concerned has to remain first and foremost mdash safety for the inmate safety for me With inmates disclosing to me often for the first time I am struck by what happens next A huge can of worms is opened And for what There is little safety here little opportunity to follow up The court system tosses these men around like dice One day they are here the next they are God knows where Have I done something that perhaps I shouldnrsquot have Maybe
ment physical and sexual abuse sexual orientation confusion anger management substance abuse domestic violence self respect low self esteem boundaries mdash these and much more impact upon this man daily But hersquos making a start Itrsquos another chance We all need them
I would be remiss to not mention the support of my colleagues Some of them do know about me and they have been tremendously supportive and understanding They too share a belief that it is possible for men to become survivors I cannot imagine doing this work everyday without their ongoing support I love you guys
The resources I refer to are few the Menrsquos Project in Ottawa The Gate-house in Toronto as well as local sexual assault centres I discovered on my own road to recovery that our local sexual assault centre does in fact offer services to men but does not advertise this due to the fear of being inundated with refer-rals They simply are not equipped to handle what surely lies out in my community When the report of the Cornwall Inquiry comes out later this year it is my belief that it will force our government our society to re-examine how its treatment of boys and men is provided Hope-fully those who are like I was feeling alone fearful uncomfortable in their own skin will feel more enabled to come forward to shed that skin that was put on them by their abuser(s) and step out of the ordinary letting their souls ascend and become free
Vol 2 No 2
Page 34
A History of Male Survi-vor Services in Queacutebec
and First Nations Communities
By Caroline Benamza (dance and drama therapistpsychotherapist at CRIPHASE)
And by Benoicirct St Jean (Director of CRIPHASE)
Contact Tel +1-514-529-55-67 Email infocriphaseorg
Website wwwcriphaseorg
T he latest statistics in Queacutebec show that one out of every six men has been sexually
abused before the age of 18 but there are very few statistics regard-ing male survivors and this estima-tion is only based on reported abuse Most adult men or boys who are survivors go unnoticed because most of the services in Queacutebec are exclusively for women In 2008 the male population in Queacutebec was about 3800000 of which about 3000000 are above 20 years of age (from the Institut de la Statistique) Therefore we can estimate that in Queacutebec there are around 500000 male survivors actually visible within the different health care services justice system and police departments The num-ber is already frightening for a seemingly peaceful society like Queacutebec When it comes to Native American communities as many as 80 of boys have been sexually abused before the age of 18 This number is quite similar mdash but for different reasons mdash to the male population within the Federal or Provincial prisons
The reality of male survivors of sexual abuse in childhood has remained in the dark for years in Queacutebec and it is only in the last four years that the government has acknowledged the necessity of funding counseling services for male survivors Historically it can be explained The first services for survivors have been developed since the 1960s within the very strong Queacutebeacutecois feminist move-ments The women have built along the years a strong network of ser-vices for female vic-tims of sexual abuse and domestic vio-lence Today these services still exist as the CALACS (Centres dAide et de Lutte contre les Agressions agrave Caractegravere Sexuel = Sexual Assault Cen-tres) network for survivors of sexual abuse Due to a strong belief in pro-viding a safe haven for women survivors men were turned away from these services and had nowhere to go Only two survivorsrsquo centres in the Montreal area outside the CALACS network welcomed men but those men represent only 5 of clients
This situation became obvious when the CAVAC (Centre drsquoAide pour les Victime drsquoActes Criminels = Crime Victims Assistance Centres) started to provide counseling ser-
vices to victims of criminal acts who wished to press charges and go through a court procedure The first services in Queacutebec for male survivors therefore came from a strong need in the society In 1996 the CAVAC decided to fund an experimental program directed by Denis Reneacute to offer a support group for male survivors This program was named the PHASE Groups (Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = For Men Sexually Abused in Child-
hood) With the suc-cess of these first groups between 1996 and 1997 the CAVAC of Montreal tried to secure funding for the continuation of services Unfortu-nately the PHASE Groups suffered from the double status it carried within the government the Minister of Justice that was the main funder of the CAVAC refused to fund a counseling service supposedly to be funded by the Health Minister Later the Health Minister turned down the
funding because as part of CAVAC the program should have been funded by the Minister of Justice
So it was in 1997 that Denis Reneacute decided to secure the future of the PHASE Groups by registering them
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoWhen it comes to
Native American
communities as many
as 80 of boys have
been sexually abused
before the age of 18
This number is quite
similarmdashbut for different
reasonsmdashto the male
population within the
Federal or Provincial
prisonsrdquo
February 2009
Page 35
intimacy and sexuality issues) and PHASE Artistique (a 10 weeks art and movement therapy program) with a holistic approach to body and mind recovery
In 2008 the very first weekend of recovery (named PHASE Weekend) was created and CRIPHASE wishes to make the weekend an annual event In 2003 for the first time
CRIPHASE became a full member of the Table de Concertation en Agressions Sexuelles (a gathering of several organizations providing services to survivors in addition to representatives from the Justice the Health Minister and the police) This cooperation allows a better understanding of survivor issues and needs as well as a better coor-
within a non-profit organization that took the name CRIPHASE (Centre de Resources et drsquointervention Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = Resource and Intervention Centre for Men who have been Sexually Abused in Childhood) For 10 years the Groups have survived on pri-vate funding and have provided two recovery Groups called PHASE 1 and PHASE 2 Each PHASE is a 10-week program serving non-offending male survivors over 18 years of age and of all sexual orienta-tions With its first public funding in 2004 of $38000 a director was en-gaged by the board of administration and in 2008 the PSOC (a funding body within the agency of Health and Social Services) fi-nally secured the future of CRIPHASE with a first major funding rooting CRIPHASE in the circle of sexual abuse survivors centres
Since 2006 CRIPHASE has devel-oped a major politics of visibility through the media conferences and meetings with the different actors of the Queacutebeacutecois stage Three more programs have been developed within CRIPHASE PHASE Conjoint (for partners of male survivors) PHASE Sexo (a 10 weeks program of recovery focusing on
dination of services on the ground From within the Table CRIPHASE has been able to educate people on the issue of male survivors and participate or initiate projects such as the Information Guide for Sexual Assault Victims and the first pre-vention mobilization and aware-ness march for sexual abuse survi-vors in 2008 The presence of CRIPHASE at the Table has also
allowed the feminists within the CALACS to have a better under-standing of the suffer-ing of male survivors who are also victims in their own way of an old patriarchal system CRIPHASE was also finally incorporated in the CALACS coordina-tion groupmdashcalled Table des CALACS mdash in 2008
Until 2008 there were no services provided in English (Queacutebec is a French-speaking province where Eng-lish speakers are a minority) due to lack of funding to translate the PHASE 1 docu-ments and employ English-speaking therapists The project
to offer groups in English had been put aside for years but finally in 2008 the first groups of PHASE 1 and 2 opened for English speakers The PHASE Artistique and PHASE Weekend are now bilingual pro-grams
(Continued on page 36)
Phone calls received at CRIPHASE
male survivors
therapists
relatives and loved ones
other
The average male survivor using the services at CRIPHASE is aged between 35 and 55
Vol 2 No 2
Page 36
Male survivors in the Native American
communities Recovery programs within Native American communities are only starting Many Native American men were sexually abused as well as psychologically and emotionally abused when they were sent to boarding schools across the province for assimila-tion The effects of this traumatic experience (including historic trauma) can be seen in all First Nations of Queacutebec Algonquians Cris Innus Abenakis Innuits Micmacs and so forth Today there is a strong need of heal-ing for this lost gen-eration but traumatic experiences and con-sequences have been passed on to the next generations Unfortu-nately sexual abuse is one of these problems which need to be addressed through prevention and coun-seling in a way that will integrate Native American traditions and their holistic ap-proach to medicine Such programs already exist within some communi-ties Organizations like GRIPMA (Groupe de Recherches et dInter-ventions Psychosociales en Milieu Autochtone = Research and Inter-vention group in Aboriginal Com-munities) located in the Huron
History of Male Survivor Services (Continued from page 35)
community of Wendake (near Queacute-bec city) provide a clinical expertise in intervention within Native Ameri-can communities On the other side the Aboriginal Healing Foun-dation based in Ottawa is currently funding 16 recovery projects for the First Nations in Queacutebec ad-dressing sexual abuse addiction prevention of suicide boarding schools trauma etc until 2010
Last year the publication of the five-year funding plan on sexual abuse by the provincial govern-ment of Queacutebec has seen the recognition of male survivors as a population in great need of ser-vices It has also recognized the necessity of providing services to the First Nations communities
Things are changing in Queacutebec for male survivors Because CRIPHASE is the only organization providing support and counseling to men in Queacutebec who have been sexually abused in childhood there is great hope for an increase of funding this year The constant develop-ment of CRIPHASE and the increase in phone calls and numbers of guys within the services (in 2008-
2009 there will be seven groups of PHASE 1 in-stead of five the year before) also show that men in Queacutebec are get-ting the right information on sexual abuse and services and are being encouraged to look for help and engage in re-covery
If you are one of these men in Queacutebec we are waiting for your call Remember you are not alone
For the annual march event please visit wwwmarchevasca (Information for the May 2009 march will be on line from February 2009)
Quilt Square by a Native Child from Alberta From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 37
MaleSurvivor is men surviving sexual abuse in Canada we will start with Canadarsquos sad legacy of abuse of children by clergy
A Brief Incomplete Canadian History
In Canada our First Nations People have had to bear the legacy of abuse they endured in Canadarsquos notorious residential schools Cur-rent issues of addictions and family and mental health problems amongst our First Nations people can be traced back to the legacy of abuse experienced by Native chil-dren in residential schools
Around 1874 the federal government began working with the churches (Catholic Anglican United and Presbyte-rian) to set up the Residential School System as a means to suppress Native cul-ture and promote assimilation In gen-eral children between the ages of five and 16 were taken from their parents and sent to church-run residen-tial schools The extent of the abuse in these church-run schools has been referred to as the ldquoCanadian Holocaustrdquo Recently the Canadian Government formed the Truth and Reconciliation Commis-sion (TRC) as part of the court-approved Indian Residential Schools Settlement Agreement The
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious
Leader By Nancy N Mayer MSW RSW
Partner Crisci amp Mayer Consultation Counselling and
Training Toronto wwwckmconsultationcom
Introduction
L ikely all the readers of this newsletter have knowledge and expertise about men
being physically sexually and emotionally abused Research tells us that abusers can come from any
walk of life and most often are known to the child or adult In the last decade abuse by clergy has finally ldquocome out of the closetrdquo so to
speak thanks to those brave survi-vors who have made public their experiences of being abused by clergy More than ever survivor groups are encouraging victims to report these crimes to the police and to consider seeking civil re-dress for their injuries Many groups believe that change in churches will only come when they are held accountable for the abuse perpetrated by clergy
This article will attempt to address the distinctive issues that are com-mon to this population of survivors Because the focus of this issue of
purpose of the commission is not to determine guilt or innocence but to create an historical account of the residential schools help people to heal and encourage reconciliation between Aboriginal and non-aboriginal Canadians
The notorious Mount Cashel Or-phanage is another Canadian leg-acy of sexual abuse by clergy This facility was operated in Newfound-land by the Christian Brothers More than a dozen priests were convicted after decades of abusing young boys at the orphanage
Mount Cashel Or-phanage closed in 1989 just six months after allegations of sexual physical and emotional abuse were published by the media (For more in depth information see Harris Michael Unholy Orders Trag-edy at Mount Cashel Ontario Viking Press 1990)
Like the US there have been hundreds and perhaps thou-sands of cases of children and vulner-
able adults abused by clergy in every religious denomination Unlike the US our country is not bound as strictly by statutes of limitations so lawsuits can proceed more freely Our sentences for convicted clerical sex offenders are
(Continued on page 38)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Nancy N Mayer
ldquo[First Nations] children
between the ages of five
and 16 were taken from
their parents and sent to
church-run residential
schools The extent of
the abuse in these
church-run schools has
been referred to as the
lsquoCanadian Holocaustrsquoldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 38
nowhere near as severe as those of our American neighbours Most first offenders will not serve a day in jail The civil awards for personal inju-ries are also quite low Our court system promotes set-tling these cases out of court When a case fails to go to trial it is not part of the public re-cord The widespread use of confidentiality orders media fatigue and Canadian reserve means that it is impos-sible to obtain accurate statistics on how often men are abused by clergy or even the ex-tent of the problem in this country
The Authority of Rel igious Leaders Religious organizations have always played a central role in our so-cieties They provide moral ethical and spiritual guidance Reli-gious teachings have given us a context and meaning for our lives Most religious belief revolves around a divine power or God Religious leaders (ministers priests rabbis elders nuns) are thought to be Godrsquos earthly repre-sentatives and are treated with reverence and respect They have intimate involvement with families and children at such vulnerable times as an illness death or other family crises They may have access
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 37)
to confidential information by virtue of their roles of confessor or counsellor A child brought up by religious parents is taught to re-spect these men and women Oth-ers associated with churches mdash choir leaders teachers cantors youth group leaders mdash are also considered trustworthy by virtue of their close
association with their religious organizations Most parents en-courage their childrenrsquos participa-tion in church-based activities believing them to be safe and wholesome
These leaders are considered to be esteemed authorities and as repre-sentatives of God wield a great deal of power Depending on the faith group there may be teachings
that support an unquestioning adherence to their instructions and guidance This makes children and vulnerable adults particularly sus-ceptible to exploitation by this group because they have access opportunity and trust
Misuse of Power Perpetrators can utilize their positions of power and trust to gain access to their victims some-times for extended periods of uninterrupted time They may tell children that they are being asked to ldquoserve Godrdquo or that they or their families will be punished if they do not do as instructed Chil-dren may be threatened with eternal damnation or blamed for leading the religious leader into sin If the religion con-siders premarital sex or same sex contacts as sinful the guilt will be compounded
In most cases the victim will not disclose or may disclose but not be
believed A child will have a difficult time convincing adults that he or she has been victimized The vic-timrsquos family culture or communi-ties have been socialized to see their religious leaders as unques-tionably good and incapable of lies This can lead to others denying or minimizing the victimrsquos experience of abuse The victim is initially harmed by the abuser and then is revictimized by those who cannot
ldquoMay Hope be Passed through Every Handrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 39
institutionrsquos response and lack of compassion and pastoral care
The Impact on Spir ituality
The frequently used term ldquosoul murderrdquo aptly describes what hap-pens when the abuser is a religious leader When the response of the religious institu-tion to a disclosure of abuse is experienced as self-serving and uncaring the survivor will likely lose his faith in the religious community of which he has been a part To belong and to feel connected is a basic human need When abused by clergy the loss of connection and belonging to what may have been a spiritual anchor can be devastating
To compound the harm the abuse may have occurred in a religious building The abuser may have worn traditional cleri-cal attire or may have made religious or biblical refer-ences As a result being exposed to religious symbols music or any other reminder can trigger flashbacks and other uncomfortable physical symptoms
The cleric is often considered Godrsquos representative on earth This gives the cleric power that surpasses his position and status When abuse is at the hands of a minister nun
accept that their spiritual leaders are capable of abuse There are many stories of clergy abuse survi-vors being abandoned by their religious communities (who side with the cleric) and their families who cannot face leaving the church that has given their lives meaning and comfort The resultant feelings of betrayal and abandonment are profound
The Role of the Religious Inst itutions
When religious institutions hold themselves up as ethical compasses and arbitrators of right and wrong society has an expectation that church leaders will act in a fair and moral way Many US Commissions and Grand Juries and Canadian reports such as the Winter Com-mission Report (Archdiocese of St Johns Newfoundland Canada 1990) Child Abuse in Community Institutions and Organizations and Improving Public and Professional Understanding (prepared for the Law Commission of Canada) all record and explain the dynamics that have lead to the failure of religious institutions to protect our children
While it is well known that any institution mdash educational recrea-tional or spiritual mdash is not immune from having sex offenders in its midst the religious institutions have a particular legacy of protect-ing the institution through aggres-sive legal tactics versus truth telling and reconciliation Many victims state that they have been less wounded by the actual abuse and profoundly more damaged by the
priest rabbi minister or elder the recipient of the abuse may experi-ence profound guilt for ldquoparticipatingrdquo in ldquosinfulrdquo behaviour mdash a mistaken belief that he is respon-sible for the abuse or shame that
he has ldquosinnedrdquo He may believe he is deserving of rejection or eternal damnation If he confesses he risks exposing the cleric who has likely done what he could to trick the victim into believing that he must maintain silence and secrecy One survivor describes feeling that rdquoIt was like being abused by God him-self If even God couldnrsquot love me how could anyone else ever love merdquo
These factors alone can leave a man who has been abused by clergy unable to find comfort and solace in what used to be his spiritual beliefs and his church Without these familiar beliefs the survivor is aban-
doned and alone when he most needs support
The Role of Gender While woman are ordained in some denominations there is still an imbalance of power between men and women in many religious tradi-tions For boys and men abused by male clerics embarrassment and
(Continued on page 40)
ldquoThe frequently used
term lsquosoul murderrsquo aptly
describes what happens
when the abuser is a
religious leader When
the response of the
religious institution to a
disclosure of abuse is
experienced as self-
serving and uncaring
the survivor will likely
lose his faith in the
religious community of
which he has been
a partrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 40
concerns of how they will be per-ceived promote silence For the boy or man abused by a female cleric there may be worries that he will be labelled the seducer or pres-sured to consider this ldquorelationshiprdquo as non-abusive
The study conducted by the John Jay Col-lege of Criminal Jus-tice regarding The Nature and Scope of the Problem of Sexual Abuse of Minors by Priests and Deacons in the Catholic Church (Washington DC USCCB 2004) found some very disturbing information about the age and gender of victims The largest group of reported victims (509) was between the ages of 11 and 14 273 of victims were 15 to 17 16 were eight to 10 and nearly 6 were under age seven Overall 81 of vic-tims were male and 19 female Male victims tended to be older than female victims Over 40 of all victims were males between the ages of 11 and 14
The largest group of reported victims in this study consisted of boys who were entering puberty This is a tumultuous time in most
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 39)
young menrsquos lives To have this period of development disrupted can contribute to many mental health problems including lack of confidence disruption of emo-tional sexual and psycho-social development isolation sexual identity confusion depression anxiety and abuse of substances
In Summary The harm experienced by those
who are abused by clergy is profound and multifaceted Some therapists will not want to work with survivors of clergy abuse due to the complexity of their issues their limited knowledge of the subject area possible religious biases and potential for litigation Most (but certainly not all) survivors will have experienced revictimization by their churches or religious institutions This compounded by abuse by a religious leader in a position of power will under-standably lead to unique challenges Survivors will have
significant trust issues that can impede the forming of a trusting therapeutic relationship with a therapist who will also be in a position of power and may be an employee of an institution With transparency and skill on the part of the therapist and tenacity on the part of the survivor effective thera-
peutic partnership can be achieved While recovery is difficult it is possible
The irony is that many survivors of abuse by clergy have a strong sense of integrity morality and perseverance They learned the lessons that the ldquoreligiousrdquo offend-ers failed to learn At the core of their beings these clergy abuse survivors are the prophets who have come to speak the truth and reveal the abuse and the decep-tions It is this desire for social justice truth telling belonging and connection that will allow a healthy spiritual belief system to rise out of the ashes of what has happened It is this healthy spiritual belief that makes many clergy abuse survivors persistent and tenacious in seeking recovery and social justice They are making a difference and chang-ing the world as we know it
ldquoThe harm experienced
by those who are
abused by clergy is
profound and
multifaceted Some
therapists will not want
to work with survivors
of clergy abuse due to
the complexity of their
issues their limited
knowledge of the
subject area possible
religious biases and
potential for litigationldquo
February 2009
Page 41
tion of it earlier in the lsquo90s but 1997 is when there was a critical mass of mostly male survivors coming forward and taking action against Maple Leaf Gardens Your question specifically was ldquoDid it play a role in my choice of ca-reersrdquo
MS Yes
SJ Yes and no The Maple Leaf
Gardens cases were not my first sexual assault cases but my in-volvement in these cases solidified my interest and desire to help sur-vivors
MS Could you take a few minutes to explain to our readers just what the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal was and why it has played a central role in revealing the extent of sex-ual abuse at least in the Toronto area
of my clients will say something like ldquoYou know this is not about the money I donrsquot care how much I get this is about something elserdquo And whatever that person seeks mdash an apology or the empowerment of filing a lawsuit or a million other unique things mdash that is why I do this kind of work Itrsquos about helping people through whatever process they need in order to begin that healing process the moving forward process
MS And also to provide your clients with a sense of justice
SJ Absolutely Justice is really not about the money itrsquos about the knowledge that theyrsquove come forward theyrsquove done something and theyrsquove empowered themselves It takes a tre-mendous amount of courage to do that I am always in awe of my cli-ents for the amount of courage they have They are my inspiration
MS Many Americans are unaware of the so-called Maple Leaf Gar-dens sex scandal that began some-time in the 1960s but didnrsquot come to wide public attention until 1997 the year after you began practicing law Did this scandal have some affect on your choice of career
SJ Actually the scandal did come to prominence before 1997 There was scattered media atten-
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 1)
SJ Sure There was a series of men who were employed at Maple Leaf Gardens which was the home of the Toronto Maple Leafs mdash the hockey club mdash who over a period of a couple of decades sexually abused probably hundreds of chil-dren It started in the lsquo60s it went on we believe until the early lsquo80s There were two principal men in-volved but there were at least three
others who also were ac-cused In order to under-stand why the Maple Leaf Gardens sex scandals are as important as they are you have to understand that hockey in Toronto and hockey in Canada is almost a religion Hockey is to Canadians what the NFL or Major League Baseball is to Americans Every little boy dreams of about becoming the next Wayne Gretzky becoming the best hockey player he can be Maple Leaf Gar-dens was the home of one of the best loved and biggest hockey teams mdash the Toronto Maple Leafs The Gardens was the high
temple of hockey in Canada and still is In the lsquo60s lsquo70s and even the lsquo80s children mdash mostly boys mdash would go to Maple Leaf Gardens usually unaccompanied by their parents because back then nobody really thought that anything bad would happen to them at the Gar-dens The boys would go there ei-ther for practice games or to watch the Maple Leafs play or more likely they would go to watch To-
(Continued on page 42)
ldquoMaple Leaf Gardens in Memory of Martin Kruzerdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 42
ronto Marlies games The Marlies were the farm team for the Toronto Maple Leafs During these games and these practices the pedophiles who worked at the Gardenrsquos would often befriend these boys seeking out boys who were more vulner-able than others most likely and would sexually assault the boys sometimes off-property but most often within the Gardens itself They would use their position as employees of the Gardens to be able to say to the boys if you come with me Irsquoll get you a broken hockey stick or hockey puck or Irsquoll get you into better seats the next game or whatever other type of inducement would be necessary to get the boys to go with them into either a washroom or a training room or other private place where the boys would be sexually abused
In 1997 there were about 50 or 60 cases all joined to-gether and Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Entertainment Ltd wanted to settle all the cases prior to the Toronto Maple Leafs moving into a new hockey rink called the Air Canada Center so as to have a clean slate at the new rink By and large a lot of the litigation was fin-ished before the team moved into the Air Canada Center but not all of it In fact there are probably 17 or 19 cases going through the court
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 41)
system today more than 10 years after the original large group of plaintiffs went through the court and I believe that new people will continue to come forward when they are strong enough
MS I understand that one of the principal plaintiffs in the case Mar-tin Kruze had settled with the owners or the operators of the Ma-ple Leaf Gardens in 1995 and that he signed a confidentiality agree-ment not to reveal the settlement
or perhaps even the details of what had happened to him Do you think that the confidentiality agree-ment Mr Kruze agreed to slowed down or hindered the full exposure of this scandal
SJ I think that any confidentiality agreement blocks public access to knowledge and to understanding so I do suspect that Martinrsquos confi-dentiality agreement did have some impact on the scandal re-
maining hidden for as long as it did Absolutely yes I believe that confidentiality agreements are in-herently difficult for plaintiffs be-cause they create and continue a cycle of secrecy Sexual assault is a crime that is almost always carried out in secret and the guilt and shame it produces is key in helping pedophiles maintain their hold over their victims Putting a confidential-ity agreement on a settlement just perpetuates the guilt and the shame
MS Unfortunately Martin Kruzersquos principal perpetrator received a shockingly light sen-tence for all his actions and I understand that this led to Martin com-mitting suicide shortly afterwards
SJ I would think that the perpetratorrsquos sentence was a part of why Martin chose to end his life yes It hap-pened relatively shortly after the sentencing and I suspect that it weighed heavily on Martinrsquos decision
MS Do you think that the sen-tence that the perpetrator received was a reflection of the then current attitude towards pedophiles and sexual abuse
SJ The sentence that the perpe-trator received was a reflection on the way that the Canadian justice system deals with criminals regard-ing personal crimes absolutely It was a very low sentence in keep-
Imants Kruze visiting his sonrsquos memorial quilt square in the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 43
obtain here versus how much they can obtain in the United States In the United States there is no cap for pain and suffering awards whereas here in Canada there is a very small cap mdash about $325000 If a survivor of sexual assault goes through the court system and even if they have a very good day in court in terms of compensation yoursquore probably looking at an award for dam-ages somewhere be-tween $200000 and $500000 Sometimes itrsquos actually less than $200000 and very very rarely more than $500000 so in that sense we are defi-nitely behind But I donrsquot think itrsquos a question of waiting 10 years to see if we ldquocatch uprdquo I think itrsquos just a fundamental difference in how our court system works and whatrsquos available to survivors in terms of compensation
If you mean that Canada is 10 years behind in dealing with other aspects of sexual assault then you are probably correct in terms of media attention public awareness and outrage Sexual assault is still largely an unreported unprose-cuted crime But things are getting better every day and as more and more survivors come forward posi-tive changes will continue to hap-pen
MS As Irsquom sure you know therersquos periodic discussion about tort re-
ing with what was handed out at the time and to a large extent itrsquos still in keeping with what is handed out right now
MS Are you still representing or have you represented anyone who is a plaintiff in this scandal
SJ I was very much involved in the core group of Maple Leaf Gar-dens survivors that came forward in 1997 I was on what was called the plaintiffsrsquo committee back then which was a group of a few lawyers who brought the litigation forward I represented a number of plaintiffs in the original group that came forward I have also represented quite a few men throughout the last 10 years and currently repre-sent two men in the last group of plaintiffs to come forward I have also been approached by at least two other men who may decide to pursue litigation
MS Dale English mdash who has spo-ken to you at some length mdash has said to me that either you or he or both of you have felt that Canada is perhaps 10 or more years behind the US in dealing with the issues of sexual abuse and sexual assault Could you elaborate on that com-ment
SJ I think it depends on what you mean by dealing with the is-sues If you mean dealing with the issues in terms of bringing civil cases forward to a certain extent we are behind One of the funda-mental differences between the United States and Canada is the way that our tort systems operate and specifically the amount of compensation that tort victims can
form in the United States mainly aimed at capping punitive dam-ages Irsquom wondering whether there is the mirror of that in Canada mdash whether therersquos any movement to-wards tort reform that would allow greater awards to victims
SJ Well there is and there isnrsquot In Canada itrsquos very difficult if not
impossible to get pu-nitive damages espe-cially if therersquos a criminal conviction The punitive damages that are available in Canada are very low A typical punitive damage award would be $20000 or $25000 - usually not much more than that So damages are quite restricted here in any event In terms of tort reform I think there is a global push by in-surance companies to
try to limit compensation whether in the States or here The things that the American Association of Justice are fighting for down in the States are the same things that the Ontario Trial Lawyers Association are fighting for here mdash the continued ability to sue for compensation un-hampered by legislative roadblocks benefitting powerful institutional defendants to the detriment of those who have suffered Ours is a much smaller playing field and therefore less money is at stake In terms of plaintiffsrsquo lawyers wersquore trying to maximize the compensa-tion that we can get for our client Every time we go to court we try
(Continued on page 44)
ldquoIf you mean that
Canada is 10 years
behind in dealing with
other aspects of sexual
assault then you are
probably correct in
terms of media
attention public
awareness and outrageldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 44
to get a higher damage award so that that case will be a building block for future cases There are always attempts to try to circum-vent the cap on pain and suffering damages that we have Itrsquos not an easy thing to do the cap has been in place in Canada for 32 years now It was put in place in 1977 by the Supreme Court of Canada and itrsquos unlikely to be overturned any-time soon Even though from a purely theoretical legal analysis that cap does not apply to pain and suffering damages for victims of sexual assault and sexual abuse the reality is that judges still use that cap as a high water mark even though it doesnrsquot formally apply mdash it is still a de facto cap and to be honest with you it is almost impos-sible to get anywhere near that cap for compensation for pain and suf-fering A typical pain and suffering award in Canada for childhood sex-ual abuse is somewhere between $100000 and $200000 Anything on top of that would be associated economic loss or care costs
MS Itrsquos quite unfortunate that even though therersquos no real cap the law behaves as if there were one
SJ Yep I couldnrsquot agree with you more Itrsquos very unfortunate
MS I understand that in 2005 the government of Ontario convened whatrsquos known as the Cornwall Pub-lic Inquiry Was the Inquiry con-vened to address the issues of sex-ual abuse and sexual assault and
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 43)
the way the justice system is han-dling it
SJ Thatrsquos probably one of the reasons the Inquiry was convened Thatrsquos one of the hopes The In-quiry was convened because of what was going on in a little city east of Toronto mdash a series of allega-tions against very prominent mem-bers of that community involving the sexual abuse of children over a period of many many years The idea behind the Inquiry is to try to figure out what happened and to put in place some recommenda-tions that will not only stop some-thing like the abuse in Cornwall from happening again but will also try to help those who were affected by the events in the first place And to some extent I think some good will come of the Inquiry Hopefully the recommendations will be good for survivors of childhood sexual abuse or any kind of sexual assault The Submission phase of the In-quiry officially ended late February 2009
MS Did you have the opportunity to testify before the Inquiry
SJ I did not personally testify before the Inquiry Testimony was generally limited to the people ac-tually involved mdash police officers vic-tims what not I was involved in the Inquiry with regards to a panel discussionroundtable that they had regarding the use of confiden-tiality agreements
MS As you probably know Male-Survivor was first founded in the early 1980s by a group of thera-pists who were concerned about support for victims of childhood
sexual abuse and although Male-Survivor is still not a very large or-ganization it has increased its in-fluence significantly over the years and Irsquom wondering whether there is a similar non-profit or other group in Canada that also is dedi-cated to helping victims of child-hood sexual abuse
SJ There are some grass roots organizations that deal with victims of childhood sexual abuse or adult sexual assault I donrsquot believe there is as cohesive a unit as MaleSurvi-vor I may be wrong on that but there are smaller more community based organizations that assist sur-vivors That being said resources available to survivors are unfortu-nately pretty limited
MS Is that because there are too few therapists in that form of prac-tice
SJ I think itrsquos a mixture of many different things First of all Canada has a much smaller population base mdash 30 million people as com-pared to 300 million in the United States mdash so you have significantly fewer people affected and there-fore you have significantly fewer resources available to those people The services that we do have will often have very long waiting lists before people can access them There are some very very good counselors in Canada assisting sur-vivors but unfortunately the waiting lists are sometimes long and the availability for public funding to provide services free of charge is somewhat limited
MS Is there anything in your opinion about the Canadian health
February 2009
Page 45
system that contributes to the scar-city of services
SJ I donrsquot know if itrsquos the Cana-dian health system I think that in Canada we have a pretty good public health system in the sense that anybody who needs medical services can access those services free of charge The problem is that a lot of these services are not covered under our health system per se Many are covered under either private plans or pay as you go type services and itrsquos just a question of finding the people who can provide these services and being lucky enough to get them when they either donrsquot have a waiting list or other-wise having to wait until your name comes up on that waiting list
MS And that could takes years in some cases it seems
SJ My understanding is that those waiting lists can be quite long but there are very good peo-ple out there Itrsquos just a question of finding them and being able to afford them
MS Can you elaborate on other differences between the US and Canada that affect the way survi-vors and perpetrators are treated by the legal system and the media
SJ The differences between Can-ada and the US are really huge On the surface Americans and Canadi-ans look pretty much the same dress the same talk the same eat the same foods and by and large watch the same TV but culturally there is a huge difference in the way we look at the world in the
way our legal system works and the way that people interact with one another
Americans are much more litigious by na-ture I think this is due to the fact that in the United States mdash at least as seen from the outside mdash the rights of the individual are paramount In Can-ada less so Canada is much more commu-nity-oriented We of-tentimes think about how something is going to affect others instead of looking at what an individual might be entitled to I think that the high
damage awards available through the American legal system are beneficial in sexual abuse cases as is the lack of a cap on awards which we have
In some ways though our legal system is much better for my cli-ents than the US system would be because of the way that our actual process works One of the things that I know is very damaging to a lot of plaintiffs in the United States is the whole discovery process tak-
ing depositions Depositions can go on for a huge number of days and pretty much everybody in the per-sonrsquos life can be called to give a deposition That is very troubling and painful for people who donrsquot necessarily want others to know about their abuse or donrsquot want to involve their family Here in Canada depositions mdash or what we call the examination for discovery mdash are lim-ited to the actual named parties in the lawsuit The defendant and the plaintiff are examined for discovery or deposed if you will Anyone who is not an actual party to the litiga-tion can only be discovered under court orders and itrsquos very difficult to get those court orders so in that sense itrsquos a much quicker cleaner process and less intrusive on some-onersquos life So that is probably a good thing
The other really huge difference between the two systems which I think does in fact impact on why a lot of these cases settle as opposed to going to court and oftentimes settle for very different amounts of money than they would if they went to court is that in Canada we have a ldquoloser paysrdquo system If you go to court and you lose you have to pay at least a portion of the fees incurred by the other side Letrsquos say the defendantrsquos settlement offer is $100000 If the plaintiff does not accept that $100000 and at trial the plaintiff gets $99000 then the plaintiff has to pay the lawyerrsquos fees of the defendant because the award is less than the settlement offer That is very difficult That means that a lot of cases are set-tled for probably less money than
(Continued on page 46)
ldquoOn the surface
Americans and
Canadians look pretty
much the same hellip but
culturally there is a
huge difference in the
way we look at the
world in the way our
legal system works and
the way that people
interact with one
anotherldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 46
MS I join you in that hope Any-thing that can advance the cause of not only helping people but also helping prevent further abuses is always going to be welcome If you could set forth a vision of how you would like to see the law and the therapeutic community in Canada evolve to handle matters of child-
hood sexual abuse and sexual assault mdash if you could influence the reform of institu-tions what would your vision be
SJ Oh Richard Wow Well first and foremost I would love to raise public aware-ness of this issue for various reasons I think that increased public awareness will not necessarily reduce the instances of abuse but will help improve how abuse is dealt with when itrsquos ongoing and after-wards Itrsquos very im-portant that when a child is hurt that
child knows that he can go to peo-ple for help and support All too often if kids get up enough cour-age to tell someone the reaction they get is not very positive I think that with increased public aware-ness hopefully people will under-stand that there are ways to deal with this that will decrease the amount of harm so public aware-ness is paramount
I would like the legal system to raise compensation awards for sur-
turning point in bringing to the publicrsquos attention that the sexual assault of children can happen does happen and itrsquos a very diffi-cult thing for anyone to go through whether theyrsquore little boys or grown men that were abused as children It brought childhood sex-ual abuse out of the shadows to a certain extent The scandal still garners media attention as new survivors come forward but not the same as it did 10 years ago
MS Would you say that the lack of inves-tigative reporting is a cultural phenomenon or is it that the news-papers donrsquot feel they have that role
SJ Oh no Canadian newspapers do feel that they have a role in investigating things but for whatever rea-son sexual abuse of children has not been a priority The Cana-dian media really has not been at the forefront of this issue the way the media in the United States has been and I think that is tremen-dously disappointing The lack of media attention means that we arenrsquot fostering the awareness within the public that we need in order to provide real help and ser-vices for survivors We need the mediarsquos help to bring this horrific crime to light and to help stop it from happening
they would get if they went to court because that risk of going to court and not getting at least the amount of the original offer weighs heavily on everyone Our system is designed and geared toward avoid-ing trials which can be good be-cause nobody really wants to go through a trial but can be bad be-cause people become very intimi-dated by the prospect of losing or not getting as much as the settle-ment offer and being indebted to the defendant for a lot of money Thatrsquos a scary scary thing to go through
With regards to the media the US has a media that by and large has helped out a lot with sexual abuse cases The whole issue of clergy abuse really started with investiga-tive reporting by the Boston Globe right
MS Right
SJ They really took that issue and just ran with it Here in Canada we really havenrsquot had the same kind of investigative media cover-age as yoursquove had which is why events like the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal are not as huge as they are down in the States
Before Martin Kruze committed sui-cide the media was only somewhat interested in the Maple Leaf Gar-dens scandal Martin Kruze was a figure because he had sued the Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Com-plex But after he committed sui-cide the media was really galva-nized and that was probably a
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 45)
ldquoThe lack of media
attention means that we
arenrsquot fostering the
awareness within the
public that we need in
order to provide real
help and services for
survivors We need the
mediarsquos help to bring
this horrific crime to
light and to help stop it
from happeningrdquo
February 2009
Page 47
ments but it canrsquot at this stage really happen through the courts
I would want there to be an ability for institutions or perpetrators mdash de-fendants mdash to look beyond mere dollars and cents and look toward healing the person that they have hurt either directly or indirectly All too often in these cases we really become tied up in the legal minu-tiae of things as opposed to defen-dants saying ldquoOK letrsquos step back here and letrsquos try to helprdquo
I wish that there were a real under-standing that these cases are not car accident cases and they should
not be treated as car accident cases My clients are not people whorsquove broken a leg and therefore need X amount of dollars in order to pay for medical services or whatnot And unfortu-nately that doesnrsquot necessarily happen
In terms of the thera-peutic community I would love to see counseling and therapy ses-sions be paid for through the pub-lic purse so that people who re-quire the services of highly-skilled counselors and therapists and psy-chologists can access those services without having to pay for them A lot of clients just donrsquot have the economic means to pay for such services until after they get a set-tlement and that could take years It would be wonderful to see those kinds of services funded the same way as a trip to the emergency room or a trip to your family doc-tor for a cold is funded Irsquod love to
vivors The amount of damage that can be done as a result of child-hood abuse or in fact any kind of sexual assault is tremendous It affects almost every aspect of someonersquos life It becomes inter-generational because it affects the people around the survivor and compensation awards are still very much a pale reflection of what is needed in order to help these peo-ple I hope that at some point our judges and our legislature under-stand that need and can corre-spondingly give appropriate and reasonable damage awards so that people can start to rebuild their lives in a meaningful way
I would love there to be an opportunity within our civil system for more than just compensation At this stage the only thing that a civil judge can do is award monetary compensation There are a lot of creative things that you can do within a settlement that are not purely fi-nancial that can give a lot of sol-ace to someone who has been abused whether that be in the form of some non-financial healing whether it be in the form of a situation where somebody can con-front their abuser if thatrsquos what they wish to do in a safe setting or whether itrsquos the ability for that sur-vivor to do something outside of pure simple dollars and put for-ward some sort of healing plan that is as individual as they are That can happen through settle-
be able to see that I think that that would go a long way to helping people earlier rather than later
Ultimately I wish that this situation didnrsquot exist anymore and I would be put out of business frankly
MS Well I can certainly sympa-thize with the way you feel but it would seem that you have a career ahead of you dealing with this problem
SJ Unfortunately I think you are right I think that instances of child-hood sexual abuse are not neces-sarily going down I think that insti-tutions are getting a little bit better at putting in place policies and sometimes even following their own policies to stop pedophiles from entering those institutions and preying on people that those insti-tutions are theoretically set up to serve but I think that as long as the problem of childhood sexual abuse is with us I will be out there trying to help anybody that I can
MS Is there anything else yoursquod like to say to our readers
SJ I think that organizations such as MaleSurvivor are imperative in helping people understand that they are not alone that itrsquos not their fault and there are ways to get help So hats off to an organi-zation such as yours The clients I have who are involved in your or-ganization are very very well served so I have to thank you for being a resource
MS Thank you very much for your kind comments and for your time Simona
ldquoUltimately I wish that
this situation didnrsquot exist
anymore and I would be
put out of business
franklyrdquo
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-
Vol 2 No 2
Page 18
material to the Ministry of Commu-nity Safety and Correctional Ser-vices the Ministry of Children and Youth Services Victim Services the Ontario Provincial Police and other various other agencies Over 1500 free copies of the second edition of my book Rebuilding Your House of Self Respect Men Recovering in Group from Childhood Sexual Abuse are being distributed to sur-vivors and agencies working with male survivors Lynne MacDonell has received funding from the Arch-diocese of Toronto and is assisting male survivors in central Ontario Her Help amp Hope Project is similar
to the STH project
The STH project was fortunate to partner with Howard Fradkin of MaleSurvivor and his Weekend of Re-covery facilitation team who came to Canada in November 2008 This was quite a treat for Canadian male survivors The expertise of the Frad-kin team provided a
high-caliber experience not nor-mally available to Canadians The feedback from participants indi-cated these men felt truly blessed to be part of this experience In 2009 I hope to write a workbook for male survivors that will accom-pany the second edition of the RYHSR book Ellen Campbell and the CCAA plan to partner with the STH project and provide free cop-ies of this workbook as part of a joint education and awareness pro-gram I am presently updating a Directory of Services for Health
in 2007 to $60000 in 2008 to $75000 in 2009 Thanks to the generosity of the Diocese we are able to provide support groups information and referral services education and awareness pro-grams The Diocese not only wanted us to help males who were victimized by priests but any male survivors
In the early stages we recognized that our communities were not pro-viding a safe and supportive envi-ronment for men to step out of isolation Various agencies were con-tacting me and shared their frustra-tions about not hav-ing places to refer men who were sexu-ally abused as chil-dren It became pain-fully evident how un-educated Canadian service providers are on the needs of men and sexual abuse One of the main focuses of the STH project is our education and aware-ness program and group facilita-tion
As sad as the present situation is for male survivors we are making progress The STH project has part-nered with agencies throughout our area and two agencies from our bigger cities are providing group facilitation on a year round basis We are partnering with the Cana-dian Centre for Abuse Awareness (CCAA) and providing educational
Circle of Compassion (Continued from page 17)
Canada and the National Clearing-house on Family Violence called Combining Voices This directory lists all agencies throughout the Country that provide services to male and female survivors
ldquoCollective denialrdquo is strong throughout Canada but there is HOPE There seems to be an im-portant shift in thinking taking place Several years ago the topic of working with male survivors was not to be spoken about however people are now more receptive to exploring the needs of a much ne-glected portion of the population More men are requesting services and more group counseling oppor-tunities are presenting themselves It appears that more and more Ca-nadian agencies are starting to rec-ognize the importance of including male survivors into the circle of compassion Every time we have articles in the media more men seem to come out of isolation My biggest concerns include the lack of funding by the government If this topic is not talked about and if a safe and supportive environment for men is not created men will go back into silence and isolation This work seems to be driven from the ldquobottom uprdquo and not the ldquotop downrdquo We need good men and women to talk more openly about the needs of male survivors ldquoCollective denialrdquo thrives when good people keep silent Survivors are not living in total isolation they are fathers brothers husbands workers community members and they are valuable human beings
We are proud to join MaleSurvivor in making this world a better place
ldquorsquoCollective denialrsquo is
strong throughout
Canada but there is
HOPE There seems to
be an important shift in
thinking taking placerdquo
February 2009
Page 19
This Boyrsquos Life
By Jordan M
M y life began as any other a happy boy in a happy nuclear family It
was a time when my biggest worry was my brother threatening to tattle on me for sneaking a cookie up to bed I was young and the life I was living was exactly how it should have been carefree and devoid of the messy thoughts and situations which I would soon come to know all too well I was a boy and without trying to sound too clicheacuted I was innocent Pure
My parentsrsquo nasty divorce popped that bubble I loved my family more than anything and the di-vorce ripped us apart Mom and Dad were too busy fighting each other to notice anything that was happening with me or my siblings We were pushed aside used as bargaining tools I felt like a pawn Mom convincing us that Dad was a bad guy Dad convincing us that Mom was to blame Being the third child of five I was lost I withdrew and I stayed as far away from any sort of family situation as I could I didnrsquot know whom to trust
Time passed and things leveled and Mom married again but her taste in men had changed since Dad Her new husband seemed to hate children and he made sure that was known He was a violent man and my family and I paid the price I felt more lost than ever I was all alone in a hell that I was not prepared for Looking for some
kind of calm in this storm I started spending more time with Dad on his farm
Dad had met and moved in with another woman as well and unlike my new step-dad I liked her I thought that this could be my escape I could stay with Dad and be safe Go back to being a kid again Live that normal life I used to have
Not only did Dadrsquos new girlfriend move in so did her brother mdash my new step-uncle of sorts He was great The coolest guy Irsquod ever met We got along he played with me we watched mov-ies we went out we did everything He paid attention to me and I sud-denly felt less alone He was that person whom I could trust He was the man who would help me through all this crap at home He was the one that cared I didnrsquot just have a new step-uncle I had a new friend a new guardian someone who was there for me I latched on I bought his trick mdash hook line and sinker
The sexual abuse began and after the initial shock frankly I got used to it Although I hated it he as-sured me it was ok This is what should be happening between a 12 year old boy and 32 year old man who have a special relationship like
the one we did I believed him All I had to do was comply with his sexual desires and he would remain there for me I was willing to pay that price to keep this man in my life Somewhere in the back of my little mind I knew it was wrong but
I wouldnrsquot tell a soul It was our little secret our special relation-ship Nobody could know but us
It went on for years and for years I grew more and more dis-tant from people from myself and from the world I attempted a few times to get away but there was no where to go Either I live in an abusive hell with Mom or I cater to my step-unclersquos desires at my
Dadrsquos Which is the lesser evil
I went back and forth from house to house each time growing a little more resilient a little harder Time went on and I wasnrsquot that little boy anymore Age was on my side now and I wanted it to stop
Mom did get rid of the mistake she married after a while but soon found a new one and I promised myself that I would not stand for another day in this hell The first time this new guy laid a hand on me I gave Mom an ultimatum him or me She chose him I was gone
(Continued on page 20)
In the First Person
ldquoAlthough I hated [the
abuse] he assured me it
was ok This is what
should be happening
between a 12 year old
boy and 32 year old
man who have a special
relationship like the one
we did I believed himrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 20
been chasing me the whole time and it was catching up
The lure of the big city called me and I began spending nights and weekends in Toronto Attempting to end the emptiness I began searching for ways to fill it I got hooked on drugs became an ad-dict I became hard Mean Nothing could touch me Fear couldnrsquot stand in my way The worst had already happened I thought what I was feeling was freedom but free was the farthest thing from the truth I was trapped trapped in anger and guilt and shame
The deep desire to be taken care of continued to force its way to the surface and take on new extremes My cutting habit that I had devel-
I left home at 16 I figured that anything was better than staying where I was This was going to be a new start for me It was going to be different this time I promised myself that I would make it
I was wrong Again
Life on your own at 16 is not an easy one mdash new city no friends barely any money Schools wouldnrsquot accept me apartments wouldnrsquot let a kid occupy a unit I was alone I was really alone this time It took
time but I eventually managed a bit of a life for myself and was able to get through high school but it didnrsquot come easy My past had
This Boyrsquos Life (Continued from page 19)
oped as a young teen had ex-ploded and I began to brutally beat myself in hopes that somebody would notice maybe take me to hospital Take care of me It didnrsquot work It never worked There was only one thing that worked sex
Hustling made me feel powerful Men would pay to be with me Itrsquos all I felt I was good at seducing men And it was a power that I so badly thought I needed As bad as I was treated the glimpse of con-trol that I felt was enough to keep me going back But all I was doing was allowing myself to be abused
over and over again It just lead me further and further down
The years passed and I lost all feeling I forgot how to feel I knew
A Sliver of Light copy 2009 Timothy Andrew
February 2009
Page 21
only three emotions happiness sadness and anger And it was the anger that consumed me Anything could set me off I was a ticking time-bomb I began to wonder if any sort of normal life would ever happen for me
I was ready to give up to accept that this was what God had planned for me but somewhere inside that messed up 20 year old head of mine there was a sliver of light the same light that was there when I was a child the light that only had to worry about sneaking a cookie up to bed And I knew that that tiny glimpse of light was the real me If I could find a way to broaden its beam I would be able to peel back all the layers of abuse and discover who I really am
I searched I called crisis lines I went to free therapy sessions I attempted to try to understand why I was like I was but I kept hitting dead ends Nobody seemed to know how to help me me a male survivor
Nothing would last The little help I did receive all faded All I really got were programs and information and books and flyers Then I found Lynne MacDonells number I called her late one night She agreed to meet with me and quickly got me
into her mens group ldquoA Time for Menrdquo
The group literally saved my life For the first time I knew I wasnt alone There were other men who had been through what I had been through and they genuinely cared for me It has been over three years
now and it is still difficult Although I have put an end to the coping mecha-nisms mdash the drugs and the cutting mdash itrsquos the feelings that still manage to give me a struggle As survivors we have to sort out our insides Our guts Our feelings All that stuff was ripped out mixed up and thrown back in when we were abused We have to retrain our brains learn how to think how to feel how to trust how to love At times I feel like Irsquom an emotional infant as if my body kept
growing after my uncle abused me but my mind didnrsquot That was the main issue when I finally decided that I needed to be on the path of recovery So I focused and I began
I look forward to those two hours every Monday night because I know I can say and share anything I want and I will not be judged I am safe there I am safe to peel back those layers of abuse and discover the real me who I was really meant to be not this husk of
a human being that I had been living as for so many years
Since joining the group I have finished university got my degree I am free of drugs and self-harming I have a good job and a much healthier lifestyle and I have come out with my secret about sexual abuse
I am not ashamed of who I am anymore It is a long and tough uphill battle and it is still far from over but I know that I have plenty of people helping me fight this battle Our group is more that just a support group We are a family a brotherhood of survivors deter-mined to help each other and spread the word
It was hope That light the real memdashit was hope As survivors some-times all we have to go on is hope and that is why we need to remem-ber that there is ALWAYS hope There never needs to be a dead end That tiny sliver of light exists in all of us you just have to find it
ldquoAs survivors
sometimes all we have
to go on is hope and
that is why we need to
remember that there is
ALWAYS hope There
never needs to be a
dead end That tiny
sliver of light exists in
all of us you just have
to find itrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 22
My Story
by Bruce M
A s I start to write this article I find myself sitting in front of the house where I was
first sexually abused I donrsquot know why I am here but I am Perhaps it is my way of being in control which I certainly wasnrsquot for a very long time It was really not that long ago before I avoided this area of the city entirely mdash never mind sitting on the street in front of the home where I was sexually as-
saulted
I am now 42 years old and have a partner who supports me more than I could have ever asked for I am in love and
although I thought I loved others before now I really know what love is For many years I was so secretly dysfunctional that most people were under the impression that I had it all together but that was furthest from the truth I was a good actor
I grew up in a middle class suburb of Toronto I was the youngest of three kids I was diagnosed with ADD and was given Ritalin to ldquosettle me downrdquo I think that Ritalin was an easy out for my parents I needed more one on one interac-tion and understanding rather than a drug regimen which suited their
needs I clearly remember my pe-diatrician back then coaching my parents on what I needed mdash and many of his recommendations went ignored In their minds it seemed that all I needed was Ritalin
I had very few true friends Most people found my hyperactivity to be too much My mother was a practicing alcoholic (thankfully sober for about 28 years now) and my father was nothing short of physically abusive mdash mainly to my sister and me but also to my brother from what I understand My father had out-bursts of rage during which he would beat me with a dog leash and his fist Once he shoved my head down a toilet and told me that is where I belonged I donrsquot know if many people could appreciate how horrible it was to be told that As long as I live I will never for-get how I felt when he said that
When I was 12 years old I was enrolled in basketball That year I excelled and my team ended up winning the champion-ship This was a great confidence boost that I really needed I had finally found something that I was good at The second year was not so great My assistant basketball
coach was a sexual predator who saw a shy and troubled boy in me and decided that he would look after his own needs This guy was a medical doctor so he knew what he was doing and started what I now understand was a very intense grooming process He talked to me about my hyperactivity my motherrsquos alcoholism and my fatherrsquos abuse As I remember back he brought these things up often while he was getting to know me
After a period of time he invited me to his home one day on the pretence of my coming over to rake leaves Once there he invited me to his basement where he
Moving On
Bruce M
Bruce M during the time of his abuse
February 2009
Page 23
matum He said that if I would not come to his house we could no longer be friends I donrsquot know how I did it but I decided that I did not want to go to his house and that was the end of that I now know that he went on to find an-other victim
For nearly the next two decades I struggled with life To add insult to injury I knew that I was a gay male and after the abuse I figured that this was what a gay relation-ship was like and I didnrsquot want it I lacked direction with almost everything I did For a while I was practically homeless because I was staying with one friend after another putting myself in situations where I could be abused again and again I was con-stantly haunted with
guilt because I was sure that the man who abused me was abusing other boys
Finally one day I came forward and told the police about my abuse They charged this man and I quickly learned that this perpetra-tor was one of the nastiest that I have come across to this day He had deep pockets and fought ruthlessly I was followed by private investigators my friends were approached by private investigators
made it clear that his gentle kind supportive ways would have a cost to me I remember hating the experience This disgusting smelling man was more than repulsive Would you believe that I went back Well I did Most other vic-tims of sexual abuse will under-
stand why better than those who have not been there I wanted to be cared for and listened to so badly that for a while I just put up with the abuse This guy came to my school at lunch and let me drive his car around the back streets I was too young and imma-ture to realize that this was not a kind gesture but more grooming that would give him access to what he wanted Eventually he got an-noyed that I would avoid going to his house so he gave me an ulti-
for interviews and he hired some of Canadarsquos best attorneys to get him out of his charges When I went to court to testify at a prelimi-nary trial he had people there to threaten me in the halls of the court and the bathrooms The criminal case went on and on and eventually to the Supreme Court of Canada for a ruling about my con-sent All in all it has been a very intense process which went on so long that the case was thrown out because of delay He is still not out of hot water because the College of Physicians and Surgeons went after him and I had to testify at that hearing too which is still going on to this day
Last fall I completed my third Weekend of Recovery and al-though I have been in private ther-apy for close to four years and have been a part of a menrsquos group in Toronto nothing compares to the results that I achieved from attending the Weekends of Recov-ery The weekend program and the connections that I made with other guys and therapists have been instrumental in giving me a push forward allowing me to have some happiness and a meaningful rela-tionship which I was never able to have before
Life is not perfect but I can tell you that it is so much better than it was a few years ago and it is getting better all the time
Bruce M during the time of his abuse
Vol 2 No 2
Page 24
nor injury well that was his cue He took me into a medical room and closed the door He examined my knee and soon the subject changed That was the first time that I was sexually assaulted
Over the years this repulsive man be-came my coach in both hockey and baseball He was a central figure at the arena and the base-ball diamond He was the one involved in all the fundraisers and came to be known as ldquothe guy who would do any-thing for the kidsrdquo Most of the parents loved him mdash but not mine He drank with parents partied with them all while he ldquotook carerdquo of us kids
The first time I was abused at the arena I told someone older than I I did so again when I was 15 What was I to do Neither time did the adults take appropriate action and you guessed it everything was swept under the carpet So I did the only thing I knew how to do mdash I stuffed it
Growing up was a difficult time for me because of the abuse and the fact that I suffered with ADHD and anxiety (undiagnosed at the time) My sisters did well in school how-ever I didnrsquot I would work my tail off get a ldquoCrdquo and then would be told to work harder or asked if I
A Victim No More
by Glenn Allan
M y name is Glenn Allan and I grew up in Stoney Creek Ontario Canada
By all rights I should have been dead years ago I am a recovering alcoholic and cocaine addict and I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse I donrsquot want my story to become an ldquoabuse or addiction-aloguerdquo so I wonrsquot get into graphic details or talk about every abusive situation
Please keep an open mind as this is my story
I was wel-comed into a loving yet dysfunctional family in February of 1964 I have four sisters
nine nieces and nephews two great-nieces and one great-nephew My story begins around the age of seven I loved skating and playing hockey I was always told ldquoYoursquove gotta practice to get betterrdquo and so I did I would play as much ice and road hockey as I could and my sis-ters would take me public skating It was at public skating that my abuser first spotted me and as-saulted me I fell during one of those skating sessions and hurt my knee My abuser was a skating monitor that day and when I needed medical attention for a mi-
were dumb My frustrations grew mdash if only they knew that there was a hurting little boy inside But I was a boy who was too afraid to say that he hurt or to cry mdash because ldquobig boys donrsquot cryrdquo I would get teased at home about being stupid or
asked ldquoWhy donrsquot you try harderrdquo
I couldnrsquot defend my-self verbally with my parents because that would have been ldquotalking backrdquo There were times when I would be so angry at them for picking on me for little things and I would think to myself ldquoYou are yell-ing at me for this while he (the abuser) is doing that to merdquo
Talk about frustration and built up rage I was a walking volcano I would fight all the time whether it was at school playing hockey or baseball it really didnrsquot matter why mdash all I knew was I was MAD
Over the years I slowly lost my self-esteem and self-worth I wanted to be anybody but me I idolized ath-letes like Bobby Orr Bobby Clarke and Pete Rose because of their dedication and work ethic Being a class clown I loved comedians (Steve Martin Richard Pryor Robin Williams Johnny Carson) and the entertainer in me loved singers (Elvis) and wanted so badly to be them Then maybe people would like me because there was abso-lutely no way anyone could really
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Glenn Allan
ldquoMy frustrations grewmdash
if only they knew that
there was a hurting little
boy inside But I was a
boy who was too afraid
to say that he hurt or to
crymdashbecause lsquobig boys
donrsquot cryrsquordquo
February 2009
Page 25
like or love me with the things my abuser had made me do
Because of the trauma of being abused I wet the bed until I was about 12 years of age which drained any remaining self-worth or self-esteem that I had left I was so embarrassed And then I had to tolerate ridiculous comments from people saying things like ldquoYou know that you are going to have to stop thisrdquo and ldquoYou are getting too old for thisrdquo No kidding really Did they think that I liked waking up in my own urine Did they not think that I wanted to stop Did they have any idea how their words hurt me Man oh man it was like that all the time They just didnrsquot think before they spoke
Frustrated and over-whelmed in my teens I finally found the ldquofriendrdquo that I had been looking for mdash first name ldquoALrdquo last name ldquoCOHOLrdquo I would be-come a whole new person when I drank booze and how I drank I found a brand new confidence I was somewhat funny when I drank dur-ing the early years of drinking however over time I became de-pressed and extremely angry I would fight in bars on a regular basis Then in December of 1987 I was stabbed outside a bar and nearly died Now you would think that being stabbed and nearly dy-ing would prompt a lifestyle
change or at the very least cause me to take a personal inventory of my situation and myself But not me I wore it as a badge of honour allowing the insanity to continue
It is said that if the drugs and alco-hol donrsquot kill you the lifestyle will During this time and over the years I was introduced to many criminals Their crimes ranged from murder assaults extortion and drug dealing to running massage parlours and prostitution mdash to just name a few One of my acquaint-ances was even a hired killer He
actually assassinated two reputed crime bosses in Ontario and is now serving a lengthy sentence for those and other killings
But I was drawn to their so-called power and complete disregard for the law Looking back on it I guess I was looking to reclaim the power
that was stolen from me by my abuser
In my early twenties I got a job working with Young Offenders as a Correctional Officer With the money I was making I bought a very nice sports car dated pretty women was extremely materialistic and yet I was never satisfied I worked in corrections for about four years During that time I also began my career in the world of entertainment as a voice impres-sionist and stand-up comedian as well as a co-host of a comedy tele-
vision show I had a tremendous ego and unknowingly had be-come rdquoThe Great I Amrdquo
After a couple of years I moved from comedy to producing and host-ing my own sports television program which aired for ten years I had so much fun and I was able to meet and interview some of sportsrsquo big-gest names
In my mid-20s when the alcohol wasnrsquot medicating my pain any longer I turned to
something stronger mdash COCAINE During a span of approximately ten years the combination of alcohol cocaine and all my poor choices cost me most of my jobs many of my relationships and all my money It drove me to criminal activity po-lice charges a conviction and a criminal record But most of all I
(Continued on page 26)
Alone Uncredited Photo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 26
was lost Glenn was slowly dying inside me I became depressed and despondent and I hated so many people But most of all I hated my-self
I had attempted suicide on a few occasions and I really and truly had a death wish I hated myself so much that on Friday January 16 1998 loaded with a supply of co-caine and booze I booked myself into a hotel room with no intention of coming out alive Friday night and Saturday passed with me drinking and getting high on co-caine After having more cocaine delivered to me on Sunday after-noon there was no turning back mdash or so I thought Approximately at midnight on Sunday I made my final decision mdash it was time for me to leave this stinking world I ingested enough cocaine to kill me and then I barricaded my hotel door and ripped the phone out of the wall I lay down on the bed defeated broken sad guilt-ridden ashamed depressed and scared yet so ready to die
Only Divine Intervention mdash some sort of miracle mdash can explain what hap-pened next The police came into my hotel room at just the right time on Sunday night and took me to the hospital Who called them how did they know to come to my room I donrsquot know Well thatrsquos not completely true Today I am a man of faith and as a Christian I know exactly who orchestrated my rescue
A Victim No More (Continued from page 25)
After a brief stay in the hospital I chose to enter the Hamilton Menrsquos Withdrawal Management Centre where I spent eleven days From there I entered an intensive addic-tion treatment centre for a six-week stay followed by a five and one half month stay at a recovery house
I have been clean and sober since Janu-ary 19 1998
I work the program of recovery intensely I was blessed with some incredible therapists who were able to break through my trust issues my rough exterior and my wall of comedy to allow me to heal I also became involved in the 12-Steps and other support groups through which I have found tremendous friendships and men-toring
Recovery is about making changes Al-though my abuser assaulted me until I was 15 years old I blamed him for all of my problems until I was 33 years old I had to change from being a pro-fessional blamer and liar to a man of responsibility character and in-tegrity It wasnrsquot easy however after many tears and lots of hard work life has gotten much better
Over time and through applying these principles I found peace se-renity and forgiveness and I also
learned how to love myself again Everything that was set in motion to harm me as a young man is now what drives me With Godrsquos help today I am able to live humbly honestly open-minded and willing to do whatever it takes to stay clean and sober while doing what I can to help others who face similar
struggles
Today I serve the Ca-nadian Centre for Abuse Awareness as the Director of the Southwestern Ontario office My mission at hand is to create a task force that will be responsible for build-ing a residential pro-gram for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
I am also the Execu-tive Producer and Host of three popular television programs Good News Sports The Edge and Living Clean Living Clean is the only live weekly interactive television program in Canada
that is designed to assist individu-als who suffer with addiction abuse andor mental illnesses
I also host The Glenn Allan Show on a local radio station in Hamil-ton ON Canada
As a motivational speaker my pres-entation entitled Youth Yak Live has enabled me to speak to thou-sands of youth nationwide since 2000 Through Youth Yak Live I
ldquoRecovery is about
making changes
Although my abuser
assaulted me until I was
15 years old I blamed
him for all of my
problems until I was 33
years old I had to
change from being a
professional blamer and
liar to a man of
responsibility character
and integrity
February 2009
Page 27
Male Survivor Groups (MSG)
By Robert Beacuterubeacute Co-founder MSG
M ale Survivor Groups (MSG) was created by a group of male survivors
of childhood sexual abuse follow-ing the death of a fellow survi-vor in Lon-don Ontario Canada The initial objec-tives were to foster cama-raderie and support for one another and also to obtain proper help
for survivors in the London area
Presently our aim is to help all male survivors and also to make our cause known It is open to all male survivors of childhood ado-lescent and adult abuse We have expanded and have supported the creation of groups across Canada and we are prepared to support the creation of groups throughout the World
Groups have been established in London Vancouver Sudbury and North Bay in Canada
Our beliefs
1 Our groups are for male survi-vors of abuse What is said in the group remains there What is stated must remain confiden-
have developed tremendous work-ing relationships with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police Ontario Provincial Police Crime Stoppers local police agencies young of-fender facilities churches self-help groups and alcohol and drug treatment centres
I also facilitate a weekly peer sup-port group for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
There was a time when I thought I would never get married and that no one could love me for who I am Colleen and I met in 1999 We both have similar pasts We both have worked through our abuse issues and are both clean and so-ber In 2001 my best friend and I married and we now have three beautiful children Ashley Brandon and Christopher Spending the rest of my life with Colleen and our family is a dream come true
The opportunity of sharing Godrsquos gifts and blessings with others is truly an honour and a privilege It is imperative that I never take these things for granted
If I can assist you or someone dear to you please donrsquot hesitate to contact me at the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness Ph 905-594-1581 or email glennccfaacom or visit these websites
wwwabusehurtscom wwwlivingcleanca wwwglennallanca
or write to me co CCAA 38 King St East PO Box 66614 Stoney Creek ON L8G 5E5
(Continued from page 26)
tial Anonymity is of the utmost importance unless the survivor has gone public But intimate details of the public person must also remain confidential Confidentiality must be assured
2 We are in the group to heal and to support each other
3 We are male survivors who want to heal and help others in the process We can be as young as 16 or as old as old can be
4 Our primary purpose is our own safe being Secondary purposes are the betterment of services for male survivors and the advancement of our cause
5 We fight on so that we may grow in solidarity
6 We are not a religious group We do use different models of functioning in our different sub-groups Ours is a healing group for more than one prob-lematic issue
7 We encourage partnerships with organisations businesses and agencies that foster the creation of services for male survivors of abuse
We have created a Facebook Group which is also open to FRIENDS who support our cause Our group is establishing partnerships with other male survivor groups in Canada and worldwide You can contact us through the Facebook page or by emailing me at berube55yahooca
Support Groups
Robert Beacuterubeacute
Vol 2 No 2
Page 28
The CCAA By Ellen Campbell [ellenccfaacom]
Founder and Executive Director Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness
A s some of you know the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness (CCAA) is a
national non-government charitable organization dedicated to eliminat-ing child abuse through advocacy education public awareness and prevention programs With help from community and corporate partners the CCAA provides accessible support healing and indi-vidual empowerment for adult survivors their fami-lies and caregivers through over 20 programs Those that listen to classic rock station Q107 in the To-ronto region will recognize us as their charity of choice through Derringerrsquos Thir-teen Days of Christmas campaign
Based in Newmarket On-tario the CCAA is an active and vibrant organization that in addition to its variety of program offer-ings is also involved in public safety advocacy That advo-cacy started with the early release from prison of one of the perpetra-tors in the Maple Leaf Gardensrsquo child sex abuse scandal Many surviving victims were traumatized again this time by the system The
CCAA went public with its concerns that day and the public safety advocacy program was born
Later the CCAA wrote a sweeping report titled Martinrsquos Hope named in memory of Martin Kruze (the first victim to courageously go public with the story of his abuse at the Gardens and who later tragi-cally took his own life) that made 60 recommendations for legislative and policy change to the criminal justice system These recommenda-tions were gleaned from round-
table discussions with over 150 front-line criminal justice system professionals crime victims and survivors To this day members of the Kruze family sit on the CCAA Board of Directors
After the initial public release of the Martinrsquos Hope report in the fall of 2003 I knew that if repairs were to be made to the criminal justice system advocacy would have to be accelerated That advocacy began in earnest in early 2006 with the hiring of John Muise a volunteer with the CCAA and previously a Toronto police officer with signifi-cant experience in legislative and policy advocacy The hire coincided with new political winds blowing in Ottawa The CCAArsquos full-time public
safety program was born
Relationships already in existence were strength-ened new ones were made and the CCAA intensified its advocacy with politi-cians stakeholders and other decision makers In addition the CCAA courted media attention recogniz-ing the opportunity to get our message out
That advocacy included the preparation of written briefs in support of testi-mony before a number of decision making bodies including several appear-ances before the House of Commons Justice Commit-tee
ADVOCACY REWARDED The last three years have brought success on a number of fronts Progress on the criminal justice reform front is rarely if ever the result of one person or just one organization advocating for
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoMartinrsquos Hoperdquo in Memory of Martin Arnold Kruze From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 29
government Although there are specific circumstances under which the age of consent is 16 (or 18) the general age of consent remained at 14 For many in the child protection
world this has been a shame of what is otherwise a devel-oped and civilized land The fight is finally over with the passage and Royal Assent of this legisla-tion in July of 2008 This is a victory for the many people that fought the good fight and most importantly this law allows prose-cution of those adult predators who choose to sexually exploit 14
and 15 year old children
Review of federal corrections policy
In 2007 the federal government ordered an independent review of the federal corrections and parole system The CCAA attended the announcement of that review and subsequently appeared before the review team and provided detailed written recommendations for change The final report included a number of recommendations that the CCAA provided including those contained in Martinrsquos Hope A rollout of some report recommen-dations has already started includ-ing a pilot project for the use of electronic monitoring on serious and violent offenders who are on parole in communities
(Continued on page 30)
Dangerous offenders Having someone declared a dan-gerous offender is very difficult to do In fact there are fewer then 400 declared dangerous offenders in the country This amendment makes it easier to bring a dangerous offender application for a serious repeat con-victed offender before the court The end result should be we hope the detection and declaration of more dangerous offenders Dangerous offender designation is for life and results in indefinite lock-up of the offender with periodic judicial reviews
Community protection orders
Also known as ldquoSection 810rdquo orders they allow the state to monitor the activities of certain subjects mdash no longer under some form of sen-tence or other judicial release but still considered a danger mdash to be placed on a judicial order similar to a bail with control and monitoring conditions The legislation explicitly expands the controls that can be usedmdashfor example electronic moni-toringmdashand extends the length of the order from one year to two
Age of protection For longer than people care to remember advocates have fought to raise the general age of consent from 14 to 16 years of age Until recently those voices have been largely ignored by the federal
change but no one can deny the important roll played by the CCAA in advancing these reforms These are all original recommendations contained in the Martinrsquos Hope report The results as they say speak for themselves and include but are not limited to the follow-ing
Mandatory minimum sentences for Internet chi ld abuse offences
Over time courts have increasingly relied on so called ldquohouse arrestrdquo provisions (see section immediately below) when sentencing offenders found guilty of Internet child abuse and similar kinds of serious child exploitation offences The sen-tences were often way out of pro-portion to the gravity of the crimes Minimum sentences were legislated for a variety of crimes with the net effect of eliminating the ability of the court to impose ldquohouse arrestrdquo
Conditional sentences of imprisonment
Better known as ldquohouse arrestrdquo this measure brought in over a decade ago was being imposed by the courts for ever more serious of-fenders and offences Many violent and dangerous offenders were allowed to serve their term of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo at home Justice and public safety were compro-mised by this provision Although the Bill that finally passed was watered down significantly by opposition party demands the end result was a tightening of the cir-cumstances under which a sen-tence of this kind could be given
ldquoAfter the initial public
release of the Martinrsquos
Hope report in the fall
of 2003 I knew that if
repairs were to be made
to the criminal justice
system advocacy would
have to be acceleratedrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 30
munity committees and inquiries including the Federal Inquiry pre-sided over by Justice Major into the Air India bombing
Moving forward We are delighted to report that John Muise our Director of Public Safety has recently received a Governor-in-council appointment as a full-time member of the Na-tional Parole Board effective in May of 2009 Although this is a big loss
for the CCAA we are thrilled for John and we know that he will bring the same com-mitment to public safety in that position as he did with the CCAA We wish him the very best in this new and challenging role
Much progress has been made in the past three years with
more anticipated The federal gov-ernment has signaled its intention to finish the work it started and attempt a further repeal of condi-tional sentences of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo They have also said that they in-tend on amending certain aspects of parole legislation and moving on tightening up security (including drug interdiction) in federal prisons
As we kick off 2009 the CCAA has the following priorities
Enhanced training for law enforcement off icers involved in chi ld abuse
investigations The introduction of provincial ldquosafe havenrdquo legislation that would pro-
vide a distressed mother who has given birth (within 72 hours) to take her baby to a place of safety (for example fire station police station hospital emergency) no questions asked and drop the baby off The purpose is to avoid the unthinkable mdash dumpster aban-donment murder at birth This legislation exists in all 50 of the United States but has yet to to be introduced in this country
Parole reform In addition the CCAA will work with partners on two parole and corrections recommendations They include legislating breach of parole as an offence for which a police officer has a power of arrest Com-plimentary to this the replacement of statutory release (automatic release after serving two thirds of a sentence) with regular earned parole Both recommendations were included in the final report of the Corrections Review Team and had been provided with others by the CCAA
We at the CCAA believe that much has been done on the criminal justice reform and public awareness front We are grateful for the pro-gress thus far and proud of the part we have played in moving the public safety agenda along
There is still much work to be done and the CCAA will step up to carry on this most important work
Selection of judges In recognition of the importance of the justice selection process the federal government has recently expanded the scope of people selected to sit on the regional Judicial Advisory Committees tasked with vetting potential ap-pointments and providing recom-mendations to the federal Attorney General and Minister of Justice for final selection Although still dominated by judges and lawyers a wider variety of voices and minds is now part of the selection proc-ess This is welcome news I am one of those voices I sit on one of the regional committees itrsquos an appointment we can all be proud of
Gun crime and other victim focused matters
Although outside the specific man-date of the CCAA (and not included in the Martinrsquos Hope report) in recognition of the impact on com-munities and particularly at risk children and youth the CCAA also appeared before the House of Commons Committee in support of mandatory minimum sentences for serious gun crimes and for amend-ments that tighten up the bail system for those charged with serious gun-related offences
In addition several crime victim supportive briefs were prepared for a number of safe school and com-
The CCAA (Continued from page 29)
ldquoWe at the CCAA hellip are
grateful for the progress
thus far and proud of
the part we have played
in moving the public
safety agenda alongrdquo
February 2009
Page 31
higher than its current statistical significance would suggest I would suggest itrsquos about one in four of the men I deal with 25 compared to the 16 suggested in the cur-rent literature If you allow for the fact that many of the men I work with have come from dysfunctional families that have been dysfunc-tional for generations the higher rate of incidence will hardly be surprising
I really had no idea when I started this job that I would have a head-
on collision with CSA No idea at all I was in my pre-survivor life My own past experi-ences were like a dormant volcano Sure some smoke would puff out every now and then for no readily apparent rea-son but no major eruption But as I heard more and more stories told by men in their own abyss of despair and self loath-ing things started to bubble within me
I remember the first man who disclosed to me He did not really intend to He started to tell part of a story and I just knew I just knew What he did say was part of an institutional abuse situa-tion that gained public awareness in the media After that story broke many men came forward as well to tell their story of how they too were abused as boys in a school
Inside
By Geeders (Jim)
W hen I was first asked to write about my experi-ences working in a jail I
wasnrsquot really sure what I could say about it Can I say this or should I say that Was it going to be really negative or show promise of better days ahead And what about me mdashthe new me mdash dealing with issues of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) at the same time as the men I see and work with How the hell was (or is) that going to work Well it is a work in progress after all and one that seems to evolve as I change and as I become more comfortable with my own sense of a new self
Let me begin by saying that there is nothing in this article that would meet the rigours of clinical dissection Equally important I do not work with sexual offenders What I am going to say is purely my experience based on personal observation No scientific analysis can be attributed to it apart from what we already know or suspect One in six men will have been sexually assaulted or abused by the time they are 18 It has long been opined that the number of abused men is actually
setting that was really a cover for juveniles in trouble with the law
The inmate I was working with did not come forward at that time He couldnrsquot His disclosure to me was the first time he had ever said anything about his abuse No one else knew mdash no one He was alone His pain was palpable and obvious His shame and guilt were profound Never had he admitted to himself what had happened in that school let alone admitted to a total stranger until that very moment I listened to his pain tried to console him just let him cry Eventually over the course of a couple of interviews it became obvious to me why he was in jail Any self-esteem that he had as a boy or young man was destroyed by his abuse His very essence was rewritten by the men who had abused him Teens get into trouble but they can also learn to later stay out of it by fol-lowing the teachings of those they trust But for this young man his ability to trust was destroyed by the very people who were sup-posed to care for him nurture him and dare I say it love him appro-priately What was even more tragic is that this man came from a cul-ture that has low tolerance for anything that even remotely resem-bles homosexuality
Being abused sent this man on a downward spiral that ultimately turned him into a drug addict by his own admission a junkie who hated himself for what ldquohe had
(Continued on page 32)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoOver the course of
several related careers I
have seen a lot of good
being done Irsquove also
seen a lot of ugliness
that even by todayrsquos
standards defies the
most common
sensibilities we have as
human beingsldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 32
donerdquo His shame and guilt and culture prevented him saying any-thing about what happened It cut him off from any legal action that might take place and removed any sort of financial compensation that he might gain as a result of his abuse It eventually cut him off from his own family because his drug abuse prevented him from working and supporting his wife and family It destroyed his ability to be a good dad and husband A few years later I saw him back in jail again
When I did encounter him again it was with an in-creased sense of awareness within me Every time a man disclosed to me that he had been sexually abused or assaulted I started to die inside A little piece of me just died every time a man said to me what I could not say to myself or anyone else That dormant volcano started to fume a bit more regularly
Over the course of several related careers I have seen a lot of good being done Irsquove also seen a lot of ugliness that even by todayrsquos standards defies the most common sensibilities we have as human beings It exists Itrsquos around every corner if we choose to look at it Along with the ugly we have the good We have people who are willing to take a stand and come forward to say to the world ldquoWe
Inside (Continued from page 31)
have a problem here itrsquos not going to go away and it needs to be fixedrdquo I had the good fortune to meet many of these people last year at a conference on male sex-ual victimization By then I had been able to learn from the men that I serve that perhaps I too could learn to tell someone Could I be a survivor too
Men in jail are there for a reason Whether itrsquos to protect society while they await trial or from
themselves or while sentenced they are here Whether I think they should be here is irrelevant They are usually at the end of their ropes Their lives are upside down and in turmoil They are frequently in withdrawal from illicit drug use They are in the bottom of a pit from which there does not appear to be an escape or refuge They are desperate and will act desperately
if needed They are angry and no longer have any control over their lives Someone has taken that control away from them They have no choice but to comply Failure to comply results in loss of privileges which can include being prohibited from contact with those they love the most Forced co-habitation with other men can evoke strong memories of prior abuse which they cannot deal with let alone understand It can be isolation
They are alone and cannot speak about their issues for fear of being discovered and further stigmatized and trau-matized by a peer group that cannot tolerate differences or diversity
I have been fortunate in that for some reason men trust me and feel safe and able to disclose And when they do you can see the relief on their faces They are scared for sure but it has always seemed to be a relief I have to ask them I have no choice because itrsquos part of my job But now as a survivor myself I can tell them they are not alone I cannot tell them about me but I can tell them they are not alone that they
are among the approximately one in six men who are assaulted or abused when they are boys or young men I can tell them about the few resources we have avail-able for men which are a 100 improvement compared to what they had when they first walked into my office I tell them about MaleSurvivor and have MS posters up in my office I can tell them that
ldquoTougher than lsquoNamrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 33
Maybe not I prefer to think that I have shown them that there is hope There is life in being a survi-vor they donrsquot have to be held hostage any longer by a secret that was put upon them by an abuser I prefer to think that I have been able to show them that they do not have to be ashamed for being male When I speak with them Irsquom a straight shooter I calls rsquoem as I sees lsquoem I use words they can understand mdash street language mdash which helps them understand their bodies and to understand that Mother Nature made them to be reactive and responsive I tell them that simply because their bodies reacted that their bodies re-sponded while being abused did not make the abuse their fault It takes a while to get there at times But the relief when the penny drops and they realize that they themselves were in no way respon-sible for the abuse is quite remark-able
Just this week Irsquove been working with a man who actually smiled when he came into my office He said ldquoI finally get it It wasnrsquot my faultrdquo He then went on to tell me that immediately prior to his at-tending in my office he had just disclosed to his sister while on the phone in his jail area surrounded by other inmates While it was perhaps not the safest venue for a disclosure he made his own deci-sion He said he was taking control As a 35 year old this man has not been in control since he was first abused at age seven Subsequent abuse only reinforced for him that he was an object a thing not worth anything Relationship after relationship failed him as he con-tinued to relive issues of abandon-
there are over 6000 people regis-tered at MS and that when they get out they will find tremendous support at the MS website I can tell them about Weekends of Re-covery without disclosing that attending a WOR was one of the best things I have done with my life They will know that they are no longer alone And not once has anyone asked me directly about me If they did I could not reply which in a round about way is a reply But I cannot reply Why The institution that I work in can be as intolerant of differences and diver-sity as the inmates are of each other The whole notion of male abuse and assault simply does not exist It is not spoken of It will not be spoken of mdash until now
Because abuse is now spoken of I have been able to create a support network for inmates and for myself Itrsquos a small step but a step never-theless Itrsquos spoken of now at a level never before reached in terms of official support and direction Support has yet to be defined but I have a mandate now to do a better job for male survivors Itrsquos on paper Itrsquos my goal
Safety of all concerned has to remain first and foremost mdash safety for the inmate safety for me With inmates disclosing to me often for the first time I am struck by what happens next A huge can of worms is opened And for what There is little safety here little opportunity to follow up The court system tosses these men around like dice One day they are here the next they are God knows where Have I done something that perhaps I shouldnrsquot have Maybe
ment physical and sexual abuse sexual orientation confusion anger management substance abuse domestic violence self respect low self esteem boundaries mdash these and much more impact upon this man daily But hersquos making a start Itrsquos another chance We all need them
I would be remiss to not mention the support of my colleagues Some of them do know about me and they have been tremendously supportive and understanding They too share a belief that it is possible for men to become survivors I cannot imagine doing this work everyday without their ongoing support I love you guys
The resources I refer to are few the Menrsquos Project in Ottawa The Gate-house in Toronto as well as local sexual assault centres I discovered on my own road to recovery that our local sexual assault centre does in fact offer services to men but does not advertise this due to the fear of being inundated with refer-rals They simply are not equipped to handle what surely lies out in my community When the report of the Cornwall Inquiry comes out later this year it is my belief that it will force our government our society to re-examine how its treatment of boys and men is provided Hope-fully those who are like I was feeling alone fearful uncomfortable in their own skin will feel more enabled to come forward to shed that skin that was put on them by their abuser(s) and step out of the ordinary letting their souls ascend and become free
Vol 2 No 2
Page 34
A History of Male Survi-vor Services in Queacutebec
and First Nations Communities
By Caroline Benamza (dance and drama therapistpsychotherapist at CRIPHASE)
And by Benoicirct St Jean (Director of CRIPHASE)
Contact Tel +1-514-529-55-67 Email infocriphaseorg
Website wwwcriphaseorg
T he latest statistics in Queacutebec show that one out of every six men has been sexually
abused before the age of 18 but there are very few statistics regard-ing male survivors and this estima-tion is only based on reported abuse Most adult men or boys who are survivors go unnoticed because most of the services in Queacutebec are exclusively for women In 2008 the male population in Queacutebec was about 3800000 of which about 3000000 are above 20 years of age (from the Institut de la Statistique) Therefore we can estimate that in Queacutebec there are around 500000 male survivors actually visible within the different health care services justice system and police departments The num-ber is already frightening for a seemingly peaceful society like Queacutebec When it comes to Native American communities as many as 80 of boys have been sexually abused before the age of 18 This number is quite similar mdash but for different reasons mdash to the male population within the Federal or Provincial prisons
The reality of male survivors of sexual abuse in childhood has remained in the dark for years in Queacutebec and it is only in the last four years that the government has acknowledged the necessity of funding counseling services for male survivors Historically it can be explained The first services for survivors have been developed since the 1960s within the very strong Queacutebeacutecois feminist move-ments The women have built along the years a strong network of ser-vices for female vic-tims of sexual abuse and domestic vio-lence Today these services still exist as the CALACS (Centres dAide et de Lutte contre les Agressions agrave Caractegravere Sexuel = Sexual Assault Cen-tres) network for survivors of sexual abuse Due to a strong belief in pro-viding a safe haven for women survivors men were turned away from these services and had nowhere to go Only two survivorsrsquo centres in the Montreal area outside the CALACS network welcomed men but those men represent only 5 of clients
This situation became obvious when the CAVAC (Centre drsquoAide pour les Victime drsquoActes Criminels = Crime Victims Assistance Centres) started to provide counseling ser-
vices to victims of criminal acts who wished to press charges and go through a court procedure The first services in Queacutebec for male survivors therefore came from a strong need in the society In 1996 the CAVAC decided to fund an experimental program directed by Denis Reneacute to offer a support group for male survivors This program was named the PHASE Groups (Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = For Men Sexually Abused in Child-
hood) With the suc-cess of these first groups between 1996 and 1997 the CAVAC of Montreal tried to secure funding for the continuation of services Unfortu-nately the PHASE Groups suffered from the double status it carried within the government the Minister of Justice that was the main funder of the CAVAC refused to fund a counseling service supposedly to be funded by the Health Minister Later the Health Minister turned down the
funding because as part of CAVAC the program should have been funded by the Minister of Justice
So it was in 1997 that Denis Reneacute decided to secure the future of the PHASE Groups by registering them
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoWhen it comes to
Native American
communities as many
as 80 of boys have
been sexually abused
before the age of 18
This number is quite
similarmdashbut for different
reasonsmdashto the male
population within the
Federal or Provincial
prisonsrdquo
February 2009
Page 35
intimacy and sexuality issues) and PHASE Artistique (a 10 weeks art and movement therapy program) with a holistic approach to body and mind recovery
In 2008 the very first weekend of recovery (named PHASE Weekend) was created and CRIPHASE wishes to make the weekend an annual event In 2003 for the first time
CRIPHASE became a full member of the Table de Concertation en Agressions Sexuelles (a gathering of several organizations providing services to survivors in addition to representatives from the Justice the Health Minister and the police) This cooperation allows a better understanding of survivor issues and needs as well as a better coor-
within a non-profit organization that took the name CRIPHASE (Centre de Resources et drsquointervention Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = Resource and Intervention Centre for Men who have been Sexually Abused in Childhood) For 10 years the Groups have survived on pri-vate funding and have provided two recovery Groups called PHASE 1 and PHASE 2 Each PHASE is a 10-week program serving non-offending male survivors over 18 years of age and of all sexual orienta-tions With its first public funding in 2004 of $38000 a director was en-gaged by the board of administration and in 2008 the PSOC (a funding body within the agency of Health and Social Services) fi-nally secured the future of CRIPHASE with a first major funding rooting CRIPHASE in the circle of sexual abuse survivors centres
Since 2006 CRIPHASE has devel-oped a major politics of visibility through the media conferences and meetings with the different actors of the Queacutebeacutecois stage Three more programs have been developed within CRIPHASE PHASE Conjoint (for partners of male survivors) PHASE Sexo (a 10 weeks program of recovery focusing on
dination of services on the ground From within the Table CRIPHASE has been able to educate people on the issue of male survivors and participate or initiate projects such as the Information Guide for Sexual Assault Victims and the first pre-vention mobilization and aware-ness march for sexual abuse survi-vors in 2008 The presence of CRIPHASE at the Table has also
allowed the feminists within the CALACS to have a better under-standing of the suffer-ing of male survivors who are also victims in their own way of an old patriarchal system CRIPHASE was also finally incorporated in the CALACS coordina-tion groupmdashcalled Table des CALACS mdash in 2008
Until 2008 there were no services provided in English (Queacutebec is a French-speaking province where Eng-lish speakers are a minority) due to lack of funding to translate the PHASE 1 docu-ments and employ English-speaking therapists The project
to offer groups in English had been put aside for years but finally in 2008 the first groups of PHASE 1 and 2 opened for English speakers The PHASE Artistique and PHASE Weekend are now bilingual pro-grams
(Continued on page 36)
Phone calls received at CRIPHASE
male survivors
therapists
relatives and loved ones
other
The average male survivor using the services at CRIPHASE is aged between 35 and 55
Vol 2 No 2
Page 36
Male survivors in the Native American
communities Recovery programs within Native American communities are only starting Many Native American men were sexually abused as well as psychologically and emotionally abused when they were sent to boarding schools across the province for assimila-tion The effects of this traumatic experience (including historic trauma) can be seen in all First Nations of Queacutebec Algonquians Cris Innus Abenakis Innuits Micmacs and so forth Today there is a strong need of heal-ing for this lost gen-eration but traumatic experiences and con-sequences have been passed on to the next generations Unfortu-nately sexual abuse is one of these problems which need to be addressed through prevention and coun-seling in a way that will integrate Native American traditions and their holistic ap-proach to medicine Such programs already exist within some communi-ties Organizations like GRIPMA (Groupe de Recherches et dInter-ventions Psychosociales en Milieu Autochtone = Research and Inter-vention group in Aboriginal Com-munities) located in the Huron
History of Male Survivor Services (Continued from page 35)
community of Wendake (near Queacute-bec city) provide a clinical expertise in intervention within Native Ameri-can communities On the other side the Aboriginal Healing Foun-dation based in Ottawa is currently funding 16 recovery projects for the First Nations in Queacutebec ad-dressing sexual abuse addiction prevention of suicide boarding schools trauma etc until 2010
Last year the publication of the five-year funding plan on sexual abuse by the provincial govern-ment of Queacutebec has seen the recognition of male survivors as a population in great need of ser-vices It has also recognized the necessity of providing services to the First Nations communities
Things are changing in Queacutebec for male survivors Because CRIPHASE is the only organization providing support and counseling to men in Queacutebec who have been sexually abused in childhood there is great hope for an increase of funding this year The constant develop-ment of CRIPHASE and the increase in phone calls and numbers of guys within the services (in 2008-
2009 there will be seven groups of PHASE 1 in-stead of five the year before) also show that men in Queacutebec are get-ting the right information on sexual abuse and services and are being encouraged to look for help and engage in re-covery
If you are one of these men in Queacutebec we are waiting for your call Remember you are not alone
For the annual march event please visit wwwmarchevasca (Information for the May 2009 march will be on line from February 2009)
Quilt Square by a Native Child from Alberta From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 37
MaleSurvivor is men surviving sexual abuse in Canada we will start with Canadarsquos sad legacy of abuse of children by clergy
A Brief Incomplete Canadian History
In Canada our First Nations People have had to bear the legacy of abuse they endured in Canadarsquos notorious residential schools Cur-rent issues of addictions and family and mental health problems amongst our First Nations people can be traced back to the legacy of abuse experienced by Native chil-dren in residential schools
Around 1874 the federal government began working with the churches (Catholic Anglican United and Presbyte-rian) to set up the Residential School System as a means to suppress Native cul-ture and promote assimilation In gen-eral children between the ages of five and 16 were taken from their parents and sent to church-run residen-tial schools The extent of the abuse in these church-run schools has been referred to as the ldquoCanadian Holocaustrdquo Recently the Canadian Government formed the Truth and Reconciliation Commis-sion (TRC) as part of the court-approved Indian Residential Schools Settlement Agreement The
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious
Leader By Nancy N Mayer MSW RSW
Partner Crisci amp Mayer Consultation Counselling and
Training Toronto wwwckmconsultationcom
Introduction
L ikely all the readers of this newsletter have knowledge and expertise about men
being physically sexually and emotionally abused Research tells us that abusers can come from any
walk of life and most often are known to the child or adult In the last decade abuse by clergy has finally ldquocome out of the closetrdquo so to
speak thanks to those brave survi-vors who have made public their experiences of being abused by clergy More than ever survivor groups are encouraging victims to report these crimes to the police and to consider seeking civil re-dress for their injuries Many groups believe that change in churches will only come when they are held accountable for the abuse perpetrated by clergy
This article will attempt to address the distinctive issues that are com-mon to this population of survivors Because the focus of this issue of
purpose of the commission is not to determine guilt or innocence but to create an historical account of the residential schools help people to heal and encourage reconciliation between Aboriginal and non-aboriginal Canadians
The notorious Mount Cashel Or-phanage is another Canadian leg-acy of sexual abuse by clergy This facility was operated in Newfound-land by the Christian Brothers More than a dozen priests were convicted after decades of abusing young boys at the orphanage
Mount Cashel Or-phanage closed in 1989 just six months after allegations of sexual physical and emotional abuse were published by the media (For more in depth information see Harris Michael Unholy Orders Trag-edy at Mount Cashel Ontario Viking Press 1990)
Like the US there have been hundreds and perhaps thou-sands of cases of children and vulner-
able adults abused by clergy in every religious denomination Unlike the US our country is not bound as strictly by statutes of limitations so lawsuits can proceed more freely Our sentences for convicted clerical sex offenders are
(Continued on page 38)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Nancy N Mayer
ldquo[First Nations] children
between the ages of five
and 16 were taken from
their parents and sent to
church-run residential
schools The extent of
the abuse in these
church-run schools has
been referred to as the
lsquoCanadian Holocaustrsquoldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 38
nowhere near as severe as those of our American neighbours Most first offenders will not serve a day in jail The civil awards for personal inju-ries are also quite low Our court system promotes set-tling these cases out of court When a case fails to go to trial it is not part of the public re-cord The widespread use of confidentiality orders media fatigue and Canadian reserve means that it is impos-sible to obtain accurate statistics on how often men are abused by clergy or even the ex-tent of the problem in this country
The Authority of Rel igious Leaders Religious organizations have always played a central role in our so-cieties They provide moral ethical and spiritual guidance Reli-gious teachings have given us a context and meaning for our lives Most religious belief revolves around a divine power or God Religious leaders (ministers priests rabbis elders nuns) are thought to be Godrsquos earthly repre-sentatives and are treated with reverence and respect They have intimate involvement with families and children at such vulnerable times as an illness death or other family crises They may have access
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 37)
to confidential information by virtue of their roles of confessor or counsellor A child brought up by religious parents is taught to re-spect these men and women Oth-ers associated with churches mdash choir leaders teachers cantors youth group leaders mdash are also considered trustworthy by virtue of their close
association with their religious organizations Most parents en-courage their childrenrsquos participa-tion in church-based activities believing them to be safe and wholesome
These leaders are considered to be esteemed authorities and as repre-sentatives of God wield a great deal of power Depending on the faith group there may be teachings
that support an unquestioning adherence to their instructions and guidance This makes children and vulnerable adults particularly sus-ceptible to exploitation by this group because they have access opportunity and trust
Misuse of Power Perpetrators can utilize their positions of power and trust to gain access to their victims some-times for extended periods of uninterrupted time They may tell children that they are being asked to ldquoserve Godrdquo or that they or their families will be punished if they do not do as instructed Chil-dren may be threatened with eternal damnation or blamed for leading the religious leader into sin If the religion con-siders premarital sex or same sex contacts as sinful the guilt will be compounded
In most cases the victim will not disclose or may disclose but not be
believed A child will have a difficult time convincing adults that he or she has been victimized The vic-timrsquos family culture or communi-ties have been socialized to see their religious leaders as unques-tionably good and incapable of lies This can lead to others denying or minimizing the victimrsquos experience of abuse The victim is initially harmed by the abuser and then is revictimized by those who cannot
ldquoMay Hope be Passed through Every Handrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 39
institutionrsquos response and lack of compassion and pastoral care
The Impact on Spir ituality
The frequently used term ldquosoul murderrdquo aptly describes what hap-pens when the abuser is a religious leader When the response of the religious institu-tion to a disclosure of abuse is experienced as self-serving and uncaring the survivor will likely lose his faith in the religious community of which he has been a part To belong and to feel connected is a basic human need When abused by clergy the loss of connection and belonging to what may have been a spiritual anchor can be devastating
To compound the harm the abuse may have occurred in a religious building The abuser may have worn traditional cleri-cal attire or may have made religious or biblical refer-ences As a result being exposed to religious symbols music or any other reminder can trigger flashbacks and other uncomfortable physical symptoms
The cleric is often considered Godrsquos representative on earth This gives the cleric power that surpasses his position and status When abuse is at the hands of a minister nun
accept that their spiritual leaders are capable of abuse There are many stories of clergy abuse survi-vors being abandoned by their religious communities (who side with the cleric) and their families who cannot face leaving the church that has given their lives meaning and comfort The resultant feelings of betrayal and abandonment are profound
The Role of the Religious Inst itutions
When religious institutions hold themselves up as ethical compasses and arbitrators of right and wrong society has an expectation that church leaders will act in a fair and moral way Many US Commissions and Grand Juries and Canadian reports such as the Winter Com-mission Report (Archdiocese of St Johns Newfoundland Canada 1990) Child Abuse in Community Institutions and Organizations and Improving Public and Professional Understanding (prepared for the Law Commission of Canada) all record and explain the dynamics that have lead to the failure of religious institutions to protect our children
While it is well known that any institution mdash educational recrea-tional or spiritual mdash is not immune from having sex offenders in its midst the religious institutions have a particular legacy of protect-ing the institution through aggres-sive legal tactics versus truth telling and reconciliation Many victims state that they have been less wounded by the actual abuse and profoundly more damaged by the
priest rabbi minister or elder the recipient of the abuse may experi-ence profound guilt for ldquoparticipatingrdquo in ldquosinfulrdquo behaviour mdash a mistaken belief that he is respon-sible for the abuse or shame that
he has ldquosinnedrdquo He may believe he is deserving of rejection or eternal damnation If he confesses he risks exposing the cleric who has likely done what he could to trick the victim into believing that he must maintain silence and secrecy One survivor describes feeling that rdquoIt was like being abused by God him-self If even God couldnrsquot love me how could anyone else ever love merdquo
These factors alone can leave a man who has been abused by clergy unable to find comfort and solace in what used to be his spiritual beliefs and his church Without these familiar beliefs the survivor is aban-
doned and alone when he most needs support
The Role of Gender While woman are ordained in some denominations there is still an imbalance of power between men and women in many religious tradi-tions For boys and men abused by male clerics embarrassment and
(Continued on page 40)
ldquoThe frequently used
term lsquosoul murderrsquo aptly
describes what happens
when the abuser is a
religious leader When
the response of the
religious institution to a
disclosure of abuse is
experienced as self-
serving and uncaring
the survivor will likely
lose his faith in the
religious community of
which he has been
a partrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 40
concerns of how they will be per-ceived promote silence For the boy or man abused by a female cleric there may be worries that he will be labelled the seducer or pres-sured to consider this ldquorelationshiprdquo as non-abusive
The study conducted by the John Jay Col-lege of Criminal Jus-tice regarding The Nature and Scope of the Problem of Sexual Abuse of Minors by Priests and Deacons in the Catholic Church (Washington DC USCCB 2004) found some very disturbing information about the age and gender of victims The largest group of reported victims (509) was between the ages of 11 and 14 273 of victims were 15 to 17 16 were eight to 10 and nearly 6 were under age seven Overall 81 of vic-tims were male and 19 female Male victims tended to be older than female victims Over 40 of all victims were males between the ages of 11 and 14
The largest group of reported victims in this study consisted of boys who were entering puberty This is a tumultuous time in most
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 39)
young menrsquos lives To have this period of development disrupted can contribute to many mental health problems including lack of confidence disruption of emo-tional sexual and psycho-social development isolation sexual identity confusion depression anxiety and abuse of substances
In Summary The harm experienced by those
who are abused by clergy is profound and multifaceted Some therapists will not want to work with survivors of clergy abuse due to the complexity of their issues their limited knowledge of the subject area possible religious biases and potential for litigation Most (but certainly not all) survivors will have experienced revictimization by their churches or religious institutions This compounded by abuse by a religious leader in a position of power will under-standably lead to unique challenges Survivors will have
significant trust issues that can impede the forming of a trusting therapeutic relationship with a therapist who will also be in a position of power and may be an employee of an institution With transparency and skill on the part of the therapist and tenacity on the part of the survivor effective thera-
peutic partnership can be achieved While recovery is difficult it is possible
The irony is that many survivors of abuse by clergy have a strong sense of integrity morality and perseverance They learned the lessons that the ldquoreligiousrdquo offend-ers failed to learn At the core of their beings these clergy abuse survivors are the prophets who have come to speak the truth and reveal the abuse and the decep-tions It is this desire for social justice truth telling belonging and connection that will allow a healthy spiritual belief system to rise out of the ashes of what has happened It is this healthy spiritual belief that makes many clergy abuse survivors persistent and tenacious in seeking recovery and social justice They are making a difference and chang-ing the world as we know it
ldquoThe harm experienced
by those who are
abused by clergy is
profound and
multifaceted Some
therapists will not want
to work with survivors
of clergy abuse due to
the complexity of their
issues their limited
knowledge of the
subject area possible
religious biases and
potential for litigationldquo
February 2009
Page 41
tion of it earlier in the lsquo90s but 1997 is when there was a critical mass of mostly male survivors coming forward and taking action against Maple Leaf Gardens Your question specifically was ldquoDid it play a role in my choice of ca-reersrdquo
MS Yes
SJ Yes and no The Maple Leaf
Gardens cases were not my first sexual assault cases but my in-volvement in these cases solidified my interest and desire to help sur-vivors
MS Could you take a few minutes to explain to our readers just what the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal was and why it has played a central role in revealing the extent of sex-ual abuse at least in the Toronto area
of my clients will say something like ldquoYou know this is not about the money I donrsquot care how much I get this is about something elserdquo And whatever that person seeks mdash an apology or the empowerment of filing a lawsuit or a million other unique things mdash that is why I do this kind of work Itrsquos about helping people through whatever process they need in order to begin that healing process the moving forward process
MS And also to provide your clients with a sense of justice
SJ Absolutely Justice is really not about the money itrsquos about the knowledge that theyrsquove come forward theyrsquove done something and theyrsquove empowered themselves It takes a tre-mendous amount of courage to do that I am always in awe of my cli-ents for the amount of courage they have They are my inspiration
MS Many Americans are unaware of the so-called Maple Leaf Gar-dens sex scandal that began some-time in the 1960s but didnrsquot come to wide public attention until 1997 the year after you began practicing law Did this scandal have some affect on your choice of career
SJ Actually the scandal did come to prominence before 1997 There was scattered media atten-
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 1)
SJ Sure There was a series of men who were employed at Maple Leaf Gardens which was the home of the Toronto Maple Leafs mdash the hockey club mdash who over a period of a couple of decades sexually abused probably hundreds of chil-dren It started in the lsquo60s it went on we believe until the early lsquo80s There were two principal men in-volved but there were at least three
others who also were ac-cused In order to under-stand why the Maple Leaf Gardens sex scandals are as important as they are you have to understand that hockey in Toronto and hockey in Canada is almost a religion Hockey is to Canadians what the NFL or Major League Baseball is to Americans Every little boy dreams of about becoming the next Wayne Gretzky becoming the best hockey player he can be Maple Leaf Gar-dens was the home of one of the best loved and biggest hockey teams mdash the Toronto Maple Leafs The Gardens was the high
temple of hockey in Canada and still is In the lsquo60s lsquo70s and even the lsquo80s children mdash mostly boys mdash would go to Maple Leaf Gardens usually unaccompanied by their parents because back then nobody really thought that anything bad would happen to them at the Gar-dens The boys would go there ei-ther for practice games or to watch the Maple Leafs play or more likely they would go to watch To-
(Continued on page 42)
ldquoMaple Leaf Gardens in Memory of Martin Kruzerdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 42
ronto Marlies games The Marlies were the farm team for the Toronto Maple Leafs During these games and these practices the pedophiles who worked at the Gardenrsquos would often befriend these boys seeking out boys who were more vulner-able than others most likely and would sexually assault the boys sometimes off-property but most often within the Gardens itself They would use their position as employees of the Gardens to be able to say to the boys if you come with me Irsquoll get you a broken hockey stick or hockey puck or Irsquoll get you into better seats the next game or whatever other type of inducement would be necessary to get the boys to go with them into either a washroom or a training room or other private place where the boys would be sexually abused
In 1997 there were about 50 or 60 cases all joined to-gether and Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Entertainment Ltd wanted to settle all the cases prior to the Toronto Maple Leafs moving into a new hockey rink called the Air Canada Center so as to have a clean slate at the new rink By and large a lot of the litigation was fin-ished before the team moved into the Air Canada Center but not all of it In fact there are probably 17 or 19 cases going through the court
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 41)
system today more than 10 years after the original large group of plaintiffs went through the court and I believe that new people will continue to come forward when they are strong enough
MS I understand that one of the principal plaintiffs in the case Mar-tin Kruze had settled with the owners or the operators of the Ma-ple Leaf Gardens in 1995 and that he signed a confidentiality agree-ment not to reveal the settlement
or perhaps even the details of what had happened to him Do you think that the confidentiality agree-ment Mr Kruze agreed to slowed down or hindered the full exposure of this scandal
SJ I think that any confidentiality agreement blocks public access to knowledge and to understanding so I do suspect that Martinrsquos confi-dentiality agreement did have some impact on the scandal re-
maining hidden for as long as it did Absolutely yes I believe that confidentiality agreements are in-herently difficult for plaintiffs be-cause they create and continue a cycle of secrecy Sexual assault is a crime that is almost always carried out in secret and the guilt and shame it produces is key in helping pedophiles maintain their hold over their victims Putting a confidential-ity agreement on a settlement just perpetuates the guilt and the shame
MS Unfortunately Martin Kruzersquos principal perpetrator received a shockingly light sen-tence for all his actions and I understand that this led to Martin com-mitting suicide shortly afterwards
SJ I would think that the perpetratorrsquos sentence was a part of why Martin chose to end his life yes It hap-pened relatively shortly after the sentencing and I suspect that it weighed heavily on Martinrsquos decision
MS Do you think that the sen-tence that the perpetrator received was a reflection of the then current attitude towards pedophiles and sexual abuse
SJ The sentence that the perpe-trator received was a reflection on the way that the Canadian justice system deals with criminals regard-ing personal crimes absolutely It was a very low sentence in keep-
Imants Kruze visiting his sonrsquos memorial quilt square in the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 43
obtain here versus how much they can obtain in the United States In the United States there is no cap for pain and suffering awards whereas here in Canada there is a very small cap mdash about $325000 If a survivor of sexual assault goes through the court system and even if they have a very good day in court in terms of compensation yoursquore probably looking at an award for dam-ages somewhere be-tween $200000 and $500000 Sometimes itrsquos actually less than $200000 and very very rarely more than $500000 so in that sense we are defi-nitely behind But I donrsquot think itrsquos a question of waiting 10 years to see if we ldquocatch uprdquo I think itrsquos just a fundamental difference in how our court system works and whatrsquos available to survivors in terms of compensation
If you mean that Canada is 10 years behind in dealing with other aspects of sexual assault then you are probably correct in terms of media attention public awareness and outrage Sexual assault is still largely an unreported unprose-cuted crime But things are getting better every day and as more and more survivors come forward posi-tive changes will continue to hap-pen
MS As Irsquom sure you know therersquos periodic discussion about tort re-
ing with what was handed out at the time and to a large extent itrsquos still in keeping with what is handed out right now
MS Are you still representing or have you represented anyone who is a plaintiff in this scandal
SJ I was very much involved in the core group of Maple Leaf Gar-dens survivors that came forward in 1997 I was on what was called the plaintiffsrsquo committee back then which was a group of a few lawyers who brought the litigation forward I represented a number of plaintiffs in the original group that came forward I have also represented quite a few men throughout the last 10 years and currently repre-sent two men in the last group of plaintiffs to come forward I have also been approached by at least two other men who may decide to pursue litigation
MS Dale English mdash who has spo-ken to you at some length mdash has said to me that either you or he or both of you have felt that Canada is perhaps 10 or more years behind the US in dealing with the issues of sexual abuse and sexual assault Could you elaborate on that com-ment
SJ I think it depends on what you mean by dealing with the is-sues If you mean dealing with the issues in terms of bringing civil cases forward to a certain extent we are behind One of the funda-mental differences between the United States and Canada is the way that our tort systems operate and specifically the amount of compensation that tort victims can
form in the United States mainly aimed at capping punitive dam-ages Irsquom wondering whether there is the mirror of that in Canada mdash whether therersquos any movement to-wards tort reform that would allow greater awards to victims
SJ Well there is and there isnrsquot In Canada itrsquos very difficult if not
impossible to get pu-nitive damages espe-cially if therersquos a criminal conviction The punitive damages that are available in Canada are very low A typical punitive damage award would be $20000 or $25000 - usually not much more than that So damages are quite restricted here in any event In terms of tort reform I think there is a global push by in-surance companies to
try to limit compensation whether in the States or here The things that the American Association of Justice are fighting for down in the States are the same things that the Ontario Trial Lawyers Association are fighting for here mdash the continued ability to sue for compensation un-hampered by legislative roadblocks benefitting powerful institutional defendants to the detriment of those who have suffered Ours is a much smaller playing field and therefore less money is at stake In terms of plaintiffsrsquo lawyers wersquore trying to maximize the compensa-tion that we can get for our client Every time we go to court we try
(Continued on page 44)
ldquoIf you mean that
Canada is 10 years
behind in dealing with
other aspects of sexual
assault then you are
probably correct in
terms of media
attention public
awareness and outrageldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 44
to get a higher damage award so that that case will be a building block for future cases There are always attempts to try to circum-vent the cap on pain and suffering damages that we have Itrsquos not an easy thing to do the cap has been in place in Canada for 32 years now It was put in place in 1977 by the Supreme Court of Canada and itrsquos unlikely to be overturned any-time soon Even though from a purely theoretical legal analysis that cap does not apply to pain and suffering damages for victims of sexual assault and sexual abuse the reality is that judges still use that cap as a high water mark even though it doesnrsquot formally apply mdash it is still a de facto cap and to be honest with you it is almost impos-sible to get anywhere near that cap for compensation for pain and suf-fering A typical pain and suffering award in Canada for childhood sex-ual abuse is somewhere between $100000 and $200000 Anything on top of that would be associated economic loss or care costs
MS Itrsquos quite unfortunate that even though therersquos no real cap the law behaves as if there were one
SJ Yep I couldnrsquot agree with you more Itrsquos very unfortunate
MS I understand that in 2005 the government of Ontario convened whatrsquos known as the Cornwall Pub-lic Inquiry Was the Inquiry con-vened to address the issues of sex-ual abuse and sexual assault and
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 43)
the way the justice system is han-dling it
SJ Thatrsquos probably one of the reasons the Inquiry was convened Thatrsquos one of the hopes The In-quiry was convened because of what was going on in a little city east of Toronto mdash a series of allega-tions against very prominent mem-bers of that community involving the sexual abuse of children over a period of many many years The idea behind the Inquiry is to try to figure out what happened and to put in place some recommenda-tions that will not only stop some-thing like the abuse in Cornwall from happening again but will also try to help those who were affected by the events in the first place And to some extent I think some good will come of the Inquiry Hopefully the recommendations will be good for survivors of childhood sexual abuse or any kind of sexual assault The Submission phase of the In-quiry officially ended late February 2009
MS Did you have the opportunity to testify before the Inquiry
SJ I did not personally testify before the Inquiry Testimony was generally limited to the people ac-tually involved mdash police officers vic-tims what not I was involved in the Inquiry with regards to a panel discussionroundtable that they had regarding the use of confiden-tiality agreements
MS As you probably know Male-Survivor was first founded in the early 1980s by a group of thera-pists who were concerned about support for victims of childhood
sexual abuse and although Male-Survivor is still not a very large or-ganization it has increased its in-fluence significantly over the years and Irsquom wondering whether there is a similar non-profit or other group in Canada that also is dedi-cated to helping victims of child-hood sexual abuse
SJ There are some grass roots organizations that deal with victims of childhood sexual abuse or adult sexual assault I donrsquot believe there is as cohesive a unit as MaleSurvi-vor I may be wrong on that but there are smaller more community based organizations that assist sur-vivors That being said resources available to survivors are unfortu-nately pretty limited
MS Is that because there are too few therapists in that form of prac-tice
SJ I think itrsquos a mixture of many different things First of all Canada has a much smaller population base mdash 30 million people as com-pared to 300 million in the United States mdash so you have significantly fewer people affected and there-fore you have significantly fewer resources available to those people The services that we do have will often have very long waiting lists before people can access them There are some very very good counselors in Canada assisting sur-vivors but unfortunately the waiting lists are sometimes long and the availability for public funding to provide services free of charge is somewhat limited
MS Is there anything in your opinion about the Canadian health
February 2009
Page 45
system that contributes to the scar-city of services
SJ I donrsquot know if itrsquos the Cana-dian health system I think that in Canada we have a pretty good public health system in the sense that anybody who needs medical services can access those services free of charge The problem is that a lot of these services are not covered under our health system per se Many are covered under either private plans or pay as you go type services and itrsquos just a question of finding the people who can provide these services and being lucky enough to get them when they either donrsquot have a waiting list or other-wise having to wait until your name comes up on that waiting list
MS And that could takes years in some cases it seems
SJ My understanding is that those waiting lists can be quite long but there are very good peo-ple out there Itrsquos just a question of finding them and being able to afford them
MS Can you elaborate on other differences between the US and Canada that affect the way survi-vors and perpetrators are treated by the legal system and the media
SJ The differences between Can-ada and the US are really huge On the surface Americans and Canadi-ans look pretty much the same dress the same talk the same eat the same foods and by and large watch the same TV but culturally there is a huge difference in the way we look at the world in the
way our legal system works and the way that people interact with one another
Americans are much more litigious by na-ture I think this is due to the fact that in the United States mdash at least as seen from the outside mdash the rights of the individual are paramount In Can-ada less so Canada is much more commu-nity-oriented We of-tentimes think about how something is going to affect others instead of looking at what an individual might be entitled to I think that the high
damage awards available through the American legal system are beneficial in sexual abuse cases as is the lack of a cap on awards which we have
In some ways though our legal system is much better for my cli-ents than the US system would be because of the way that our actual process works One of the things that I know is very damaging to a lot of plaintiffs in the United States is the whole discovery process tak-
ing depositions Depositions can go on for a huge number of days and pretty much everybody in the per-sonrsquos life can be called to give a deposition That is very troubling and painful for people who donrsquot necessarily want others to know about their abuse or donrsquot want to involve their family Here in Canada depositions mdash or what we call the examination for discovery mdash are lim-ited to the actual named parties in the lawsuit The defendant and the plaintiff are examined for discovery or deposed if you will Anyone who is not an actual party to the litiga-tion can only be discovered under court orders and itrsquos very difficult to get those court orders so in that sense itrsquos a much quicker cleaner process and less intrusive on some-onersquos life So that is probably a good thing
The other really huge difference between the two systems which I think does in fact impact on why a lot of these cases settle as opposed to going to court and oftentimes settle for very different amounts of money than they would if they went to court is that in Canada we have a ldquoloser paysrdquo system If you go to court and you lose you have to pay at least a portion of the fees incurred by the other side Letrsquos say the defendantrsquos settlement offer is $100000 If the plaintiff does not accept that $100000 and at trial the plaintiff gets $99000 then the plaintiff has to pay the lawyerrsquos fees of the defendant because the award is less than the settlement offer That is very difficult That means that a lot of cases are set-tled for probably less money than
(Continued on page 46)
ldquoOn the surface
Americans and
Canadians look pretty
much the same hellip but
culturally there is a
huge difference in the
way we look at the
world in the way our
legal system works and
the way that people
interact with one
anotherldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 46
MS I join you in that hope Any-thing that can advance the cause of not only helping people but also helping prevent further abuses is always going to be welcome If you could set forth a vision of how you would like to see the law and the therapeutic community in Canada evolve to handle matters of child-
hood sexual abuse and sexual assault mdash if you could influence the reform of institu-tions what would your vision be
SJ Oh Richard Wow Well first and foremost I would love to raise public aware-ness of this issue for various reasons I think that increased public awareness will not necessarily reduce the instances of abuse but will help improve how abuse is dealt with when itrsquos ongoing and after-wards Itrsquos very im-portant that when a child is hurt that
child knows that he can go to peo-ple for help and support All too often if kids get up enough cour-age to tell someone the reaction they get is not very positive I think that with increased public aware-ness hopefully people will under-stand that there are ways to deal with this that will decrease the amount of harm so public aware-ness is paramount
I would like the legal system to raise compensation awards for sur-
turning point in bringing to the publicrsquos attention that the sexual assault of children can happen does happen and itrsquos a very diffi-cult thing for anyone to go through whether theyrsquore little boys or grown men that were abused as children It brought childhood sex-ual abuse out of the shadows to a certain extent The scandal still garners media attention as new survivors come forward but not the same as it did 10 years ago
MS Would you say that the lack of inves-tigative reporting is a cultural phenomenon or is it that the news-papers donrsquot feel they have that role
SJ Oh no Canadian newspapers do feel that they have a role in investigating things but for whatever rea-son sexual abuse of children has not been a priority The Cana-dian media really has not been at the forefront of this issue the way the media in the United States has been and I think that is tremen-dously disappointing The lack of media attention means that we arenrsquot fostering the awareness within the public that we need in order to provide real help and ser-vices for survivors We need the mediarsquos help to bring this horrific crime to light and to help stop it from happening
they would get if they went to court because that risk of going to court and not getting at least the amount of the original offer weighs heavily on everyone Our system is designed and geared toward avoid-ing trials which can be good be-cause nobody really wants to go through a trial but can be bad be-cause people become very intimi-dated by the prospect of losing or not getting as much as the settle-ment offer and being indebted to the defendant for a lot of money Thatrsquos a scary scary thing to go through
With regards to the media the US has a media that by and large has helped out a lot with sexual abuse cases The whole issue of clergy abuse really started with investiga-tive reporting by the Boston Globe right
MS Right
SJ They really took that issue and just ran with it Here in Canada we really havenrsquot had the same kind of investigative media cover-age as yoursquove had which is why events like the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal are not as huge as they are down in the States
Before Martin Kruze committed sui-cide the media was only somewhat interested in the Maple Leaf Gar-dens scandal Martin Kruze was a figure because he had sued the Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Com-plex But after he committed sui-cide the media was really galva-nized and that was probably a
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 45)
ldquoThe lack of media
attention means that we
arenrsquot fostering the
awareness within the
public that we need in
order to provide real
help and services for
survivors We need the
mediarsquos help to bring
this horrific crime to
light and to help stop it
from happeningrdquo
February 2009
Page 47
ments but it canrsquot at this stage really happen through the courts
I would want there to be an ability for institutions or perpetrators mdash de-fendants mdash to look beyond mere dollars and cents and look toward healing the person that they have hurt either directly or indirectly All too often in these cases we really become tied up in the legal minu-tiae of things as opposed to defen-dants saying ldquoOK letrsquos step back here and letrsquos try to helprdquo
I wish that there were a real under-standing that these cases are not car accident cases and they should
not be treated as car accident cases My clients are not people whorsquove broken a leg and therefore need X amount of dollars in order to pay for medical services or whatnot And unfortu-nately that doesnrsquot necessarily happen
In terms of the thera-peutic community I would love to see counseling and therapy ses-sions be paid for through the pub-lic purse so that people who re-quire the services of highly-skilled counselors and therapists and psy-chologists can access those services without having to pay for them A lot of clients just donrsquot have the economic means to pay for such services until after they get a set-tlement and that could take years It would be wonderful to see those kinds of services funded the same way as a trip to the emergency room or a trip to your family doc-tor for a cold is funded Irsquod love to
vivors The amount of damage that can be done as a result of child-hood abuse or in fact any kind of sexual assault is tremendous It affects almost every aspect of someonersquos life It becomes inter-generational because it affects the people around the survivor and compensation awards are still very much a pale reflection of what is needed in order to help these peo-ple I hope that at some point our judges and our legislature under-stand that need and can corre-spondingly give appropriate and reasonable damage awards so that people can start to rebuild their lives in a meaningful way
I would love there to be an opportunity within our civil system for more than just compensation At this stage the only thing that a civil judge can do is award monetary compensation There are a lot of creative things that you can do within a settlement that are not purely fi-nancial that can give a lot of sol-ace to someone who has been abused whether that be in the form of some non-financial healing whether it be in the form of a situation where somebody can con-front their abuser if thatrsquos what they wish to do in a safe setting or whether itrsquos the ability for that sur-vivor to do something outside of pure simple dollars and put for-ward some sort of healing plan that is as individual as they are That can happen through settle-
be able to see that I think that that would go a long way to helping people earlier rather than later
Ultimately I wish that this situation didnrsquot exist anymore and I would be put out of business frankly
MS Well I can certainly sympa-thize with the way you feel but it would seem that you have a career ahead of you dealing with this problem
SJ Unfortunately I think you are right I think that instances of child-hood sexual abuse are not neces-sarily going down I think that insti-tutions are getting a little bit better at putting in place policies and sometimes even following their own policies to stop pedophiles from entering those institutions and preying on people that those insti-tutions are theoretically set up to serve but I think that as long as the problem of childhood sexual abuse is with us I will be out there trying to help anybody that I can
MS Is there anything else yoursquod like to say to our readers
SJ I think that organizations such as MaleSurvivor are imperative in helping people understand that they are not alone that itrsquos not their fault and there are ways to get help So hats off to an organi-zation such as yours The clients I have who are involved in your or-ganization are very very well served so I have to thank you for being a resource
MS Thank you very much for your kind comments and for your time Simona
ldquoUltimately I wish that
this situation didnrsquot exist
anymore and I would be
put out of business
franklyrdquo
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-
February 2009
Page 19
This Boyrsquos Life
By Jordan M
M y life began as any other a happy boy in a happy nuclear family It
was a time when my biggest worry was my brother threatening to tattle on me for sneaking a cookie up to bed I was young and the life I was living was exactly how it should have been carefree and devoid of the messy thoughts and situations which I would soon come to know all too well I was a boy and without trying to sound too clicheacuted I was innocent Pure
My parentsrsquo nasty divorce popped that bubble I loved my family more than anything and the di-vorce ripped us apart Mom and Dad were too busy fighting each other to notice anything that was happening with me or my siblings We were pushed aside used as bargaining tools I felt like a pawn Mom convincing us that Dad was a bad guy Dad convincing us that Mom was to blame Being the third child of five I was lost I withdrew and I stayed as far away from any sort of family situation as I could I didnrsquot know whom to trust
Time passed and things leveled and Mom married again but her taste in men had changed since Dad Her new husband seemed to hate children and he made sure that was known He was a violent man and my family and I paid the price I felt more lost than ever I was all alone in a hell that I was not prepared for Looking for some
kind of calm in this storm I started spending more time with Dad on his farm
Dad had met and moved in with another woman as well and unlike my new step-dad I liked her I thought that this could be my escape I could stay with Dad and be safe Go back to being a kid again Live that normal life I used to have
Not only did Dadrsquos new girlfriend move in so did her brother mdash my new step-uncle of sorts He was great The coolest guy Irsquod ever met We got along he played with me we watched mov-ies we went out we did everything He paid attention to me and I sud-denly felt less alone He was that person whom I could trust He was the man who would help me through all this crap at home He was the one that cared I didnrsquot just have a new step-uncle I had a new friend a new guardian someone who was there for me I latched on I bought his trick mdash hook line and sinker
The sexual abuse began and after the initial shock frankly I got used to it Although I hated it he as-sured me it was ok This is what should be happening between a 12 year old boy and 32 year old man who have a special relationship like
the one we did I believed him All I had to do was comply with his sexual desires and he would remain there for me I was willing to pay that price to keep this man in my life Somewhere in the back of my little mind I knew it was wrong but
I wouldnrsquot tell a soul It was our little secret our special relation-ship Nobody could know but us
It went on for years and for years I grew more and more dis-tant from people from myself and from the world I attempted a few times to get away but there was no where to go Either I live in an abusive hell with Mom or I cater to my step-unclersquos desires at my
Dadrsquos Which is the lesser evil
I went back and forth from house to house each time growing a little more resilient a little harder Time went on and I wasnrsquot that little boy anymore Age was on my side now and I wanted it to stop
Mom did get rid of the mistake she married after a while but soon found a new one and I promised myself that I would not stand for another day in this hell The first time this new guy laid a hand on me I gave Mom an ultimatum him or me She chose him I was gone
(Continued on page 20)
In the First Person
ldquoAlthough I hated [the
abuse] he assured me it
was ok This is what
should be happening
between a 12 year old
boy and 32 year old
man who have a special
relationship like the one
we did I believed himrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 20
been chasing me the whole time and it was catching up
The lure of the big city called me and I began spending nights and weekends in Toronto Attempting to end the emptiness I began searching for ways to fill it I got hooked on drugs became an ad-dict I became hard Mean Nothing could touch me Fear couldnrsquot stand in my way The worst had already happened I thought what I was feeling was freedom but free was the farthest thing from the truth I was trapped trapped in anger and guilt and shame
The deep desire to be taken care of continued to force its way to the surface and take on new extremes My cutting habit that I had devel-
I left home at 16 I figured that anything was better than staying where I was This was going to be a new start for me It was going to be different this time I promised myself that I would make it
I was wrong Again
Life on your own at 16 is not an easy one mdash new city no friends barely any money Schools wouldnrsquot accept me apartments wouldnrsquot let a kid occupy a unit I was alone I was really alone this time It took
time but I eventually managed a bit of a life for myself and was able to get through high school but it didnrsquot come easy My past had
This Boyrsquos Life (Continued from page 19)
oped as a young teen had ex-ploded and I began to brutally beat myself in hopes that somebody would notice maybe take me to hospital Take care of me It didnrsquot work It never worked There was only one thing that worked sex
Hustling made me feel powerful Men would pay to be with me Itrsquos all I felt I was good at seducing men And it was a power that I so badly thought I needed As bad as I was treated the glimpse of con-trol that I felt was enough to keep me going back But all I was doing was allowing myself to be abused
over and over again It just lead me further and further down
The years passed and I lost all feeling I forgot how to feel I knew
A Sliver of Light copy 2009 Timothy Andrew
February 2009
Page 21
only three emotions happiness sadness and anger And it was the anger that consumed me Anything could set me off I was a ticking time-bomb I began to wonder if any sort of normal life would ever happen for me
I was ready to give up to accept that this was what God had planned for me but somewhere inside that messed up 20 year old head of mine there was a sliver of light the same light that was there when I was a child the light that only had to worry about sneaking a cookie up to bed And I knew that that tiny glimpse of light was the real me If I could find a way to broaden its beam I would be able to peel back all the layers of abuse and discover who I really am
I searched I called crisis lines I went to free therapy sessions I attempted to try to understand why I was like I was but I kept hitting dead ends Nobody seemed to know how to help me me a male survivor
Nothing would last The little help I did receive all faded All I really got were programs and information and books and flyers Then I found Lynne MacDonells number I called her late one night She agreed to meet with me and quickly got me
into her mens group ldquoA Time for Menrdquo
The group literally saved my life For the first time I knew I wasnt alone There were other men who had been through what I had been through and they genuinely cared for me It has been over three years
now and it is still difficult Although I have put an end to the coping mecha-nisms mdash the drugs and the cutting mdash itrsquos the feelings that still manage to give me a struggle As survivors we have to sort out our insides Our guts Our feelings All that stuff was ripped out mixed up and thrown back in when we were abused We have to retrain our brains learn how to think how to feel how to trust how to love At times I feel like Irsquom an emotional infant as if my body kept
growing after my uncle abused me but my mind didnrsquot That was the main issue when I finally decided that I needed to be on the path of recovery So I focused and I began
I look forward to those two hours every Monday night because I know I can say and share anything I want and I will not be judged I am safe there I am safe to peel back those layers of abuse and discover the real me who I was really meant to be not this husk of
a human being that I had been living as for so many years
Since joining the group I have finished university got my degree I am free of drugs and self-harming I have a good job and a much healthier lifestyle and I have come out with my secret about sexual abuse
I am not ashamed of who I am anymore It is a long and tough uphill battle and it is still far from over but I know that I have plenty of people helping me fight this battle Our group is more that just a support group We are a family a brotherhood of survivors deter-mined to help each other and spread the word
It was hope That light the real memdashit was hope As survivors some-times all we have to go on is hope and that is why we need to remem-ber that there is ALWAYS hope There never needs to be a dead end That tiny sliver of light exists in all of us you just have to find it
ldquoAs survivors
sometimes all we have
to go on is hope and
that is why we need to
remember that there is
ALWAYS hope There
never needs to be a
dead end That tiny
sliver of light exists in
all of us you just have
to find itrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 22
My Story
by Bruce M
A s I start to write this article I find myself sitting in front of the house where I was
first sexually abused I donrsquot know why I am here but I am Perhaps it is my way of being in control which I certainly wasnrsquot for a very long time It was really not that long ago before I avoided this area of the city entirely mdash never mind sitting on the street in front of the home where I was sexually as-
saulted
I am now 42 years old and have a partner who supports me more than I could have ever asked for I am in love and
although I thought I loved others before now I really know what love is For many years I was so secretly dysfunctional that most people were under the impression that I had it all together but that was furthest from the truth I was a good actor
I grew up in a middle class suburb of Toronto I was the youngest of three kids I was diagnosed with ADD and was given Ritalin to ldquosettle me downrdquo I think that Ritalin was an easy out for my parents I needed more one on one interac-tion and understanding rather than a drug regimen which suited their
needs I clearly remember my pe-diatrician back then coaching my parents on what I needed mdash and many of his recommendations went ignored In their minds it seemed that all I needed was Ritalin
I had very few true friends Most people found my hyperactivity to be too much My mother was a practicing alcoholic (thankfully sober for about 28 years now) and my father was nothing short of physically abusive mdash mainly to my sister and me but also to my brother from what I understand My father had out-bursts of rage during which he would beat me with a dog leash and his fist Once he shoved my head down a toilet and told me that is where I belonged I donrsquot know if many people could appreciate how horrible it was to be told that As long as I live I will never for-get how I felt when he said that
When I was 12 years old I was enrolled in basketball That year I excelled and my team ended up winning the champion-ship This was a great confidence boost that I really needed I had finally found something that I was good at The second year was not so great My assistant basketball
coach was a sexual predator who saw a shy and troubled boy in me and decided that he would look after his own needs This guy was a medical doctor so he knew what he was doing and started what I now understand was a very intense grooming process He talked to me about my hyperactivity my motherrsquos alcoholism and my fatherrsquos abuse As I remember back he brought these things up often while he was getting to know me
After a period of time he invited me to his home one day on the pretence of my coming over to rake leaves Once there he invited me to his basement where he
Moving On
Bruce M
Bruce M during the time of his abuse
February 2009
Page 23
matum He said that if I would not come to his house we could no longer be friends I donrsquot know how I did it but I decided that I did not want to go to his house and that was the end of that I now know that he went on to find an-other victim
For nearly the next two decades I struggled with life To add insult to injury I knew that I was a gay male and after the abuse I figured that this was what a gay relation-ship was like and I didnrsquot want it I lacked direction with almost everything I did For a while I was practically homeless because I was staying with one friend after another putting myself in situations where I could be abused again and again I was con-stantly haunted with
guilt because I was sure that the man who abused me was abusing other boys
Finally one day I came forward and told the police about my abuse They charged this man and I quickly learned that this perpetra-tor was one of the nastiest that I have come across to this day He had deep pockets and fought ruthlessly I was followed by private investigators my friends were approached by private investigators
made it clear that his gentle kind supportive ways would have a cost to me I remember hating the experience This disgusting smelling man was more than repulsive Would you believe that I went back Well I did Most other vic-tims of sexual abuse will under-
stand why better than those who have not been there I wanted to be cared for and listened to so badly that for a while I just put up with the abuse This guy came to my school at lunch and let me drive his car around the back streets I was too young and imma-ture to realize that this was not a kind gesture but more grooming that would give him access to what he wanted Eventually he got an-noyed that I would avoid going to his house so he gave me an ulti-
for interviews and he hired some of Canadarsquos best attorneys to get him out of his charges When I went to court to testify at a prelimi-nary trial he had people there to threaten me in the halls of the court and the bathrooms The criminal case went on and on and eventually to the Supreme Court of Canada for a ruling about my con-sent All in all it has been a very intense process which went on so long that the case was thrown out because of delay He is still not out of hot water because the College of Physicians and Surgeons went after him and I had to testify at that hearing too which is still going on to this day
Last fall I completed my third Weekend of Recovery and al-though I have been in private ther-apy for close to four years and have been a part of a menrsquos group in Toronto nothing compares to the results that I achieved from attending the Weekends of Recov-ery The weekend program and the connections that I made with other guys and therapists have been instrumental in giving me a push forward allowing me to have some happiness and a meaningful rela-tionship which I was never able to have before
Life is not perfect but I can tell you that it is so much better than it was a few years ago and it is getting better all the time
Bruce M during the time of his abuse
Vol 2 No 2
Page 24
nor injury well that was his cue He took me into a medical room and closed the door He examined my knee and soon the subject changed That was the first time that I was sexually assaulted
Over the years this repulsive man be-came my coach in both hockey and baseball He was a central figure at the arena and the base-ball diamond He was the one involved in all the fundraisers and came to be known as ldquothe guy who would do any-thing for the kidsrdquo Most of the parents loved him mdash but not mine He drank with parents partied with them all while he ldquotook carerdquo of us kids
The first time I was abused at the arena I told someone older than I I did so again when I was 15 What was I to do Neither time did the adults take appropriate action and you guessed it everything was swept under the carpet So I did the only thing I knew how to do mdash I stuffed it
Growing up was a difficult time for me because of the abuse and the fact that I suffered with ADHD and anxiety (undiagnosed at the time) My sisters did well in school how-ever I didnrsquot I would work my tail off get a ldquoCrdquo and then would be told to work harder or asked if I
A Victim No More
by Glenn Allan
M y name is Glenn Allan and I grew up in Stoney Creek Ontario Canada
By all rights I should have been dead years ago I am a recovering alcoholic and cocaine addict and I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse I donrsquot want my story to become an ldquoabuse or addiction-aloguerdquo so I wonrsquot get into graphic details or talk about every abusive situation
Please keep an open mind as this is my story
I was wel-comed into a loving yet dysfunctional family in February of 1964 I have four sisters
nine nieces and nephews two great-nieces and one great-nephew My story begins around the age of seven I loved skating and playing hockey I was always told ldquoYoursquove gotta practice to get betterrdquo and so I did I would play as much ice and road hockey as I could and my sis-ters would take me public skating It was at public skating that my abuser first spotted me and as-saulted me I fell during one of those skating sessions and hurt my knee My abuser was a skating monitor that day and when I needed medical attention for a mi-
were dumb My frustrations grew mdash if only they knew that there was a hurting little boy inside But I was a boy who was too afraid to say that he hurt or to cry mdash because ldquobig boys donrsquot cryrdquo I would get teased at home about being stupid or
asked ldquoWhy donrsquot you try harderrdquo
I couldnrsquot defend my-self verbally with my parents because that would have been ldquotalking backrdquo There were times when I would be so angry at them for picking on me for little things and I would think to myself ldquoYou are yell-ing at me for this while he (the abuser) is doing that to merdquo
Talk about frustration and built up rage I was a walking volcano I would fight all the time whether it was at school playing hockey or baseball it really didnrsquot matter why mdash all I knew was I was MAD
Over the years I slowly lost my self-esteem and self-worth I wanted to be anybody but me I idolized ath-letes like Bobby Orr Bobby Clarke and Pete Rose because of their dedication and work ethic Being a class clown I loved comedians (Steve Martin Richard Pryor Robin Williams Johnny Carson) and the entertainer in me loved singers (Elvis) and wanted so badly to be them Then maybe people would like me because there was abso-lutely no way anyone could really
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Glenn Allan
ldquoMy frustrations grewmdash
if only they knew that
there was a hurting little
boy inside But I was a
boy who was too afraid
to say that he hurt or to
crymdashbecause lsquobig boys
donrsquot cryrsquordquo
February 2009
Page 25
like or love me with the things my abuser had made me do
Because of the trauma of being abused I wet the bed until I was about 12 years of age which drained any remaining self-worth or self-esteem that I had left I was so embarrassed And then I had to tolerate ridiculous comments from people saying things like ldquoYou know that you are going to have to stop thisrdquo and ldquoYou are getting too old for thisrdquo No kidding really Did they think that I liked waking up in my own urine Did they not think that I wanted to stop Did they have any idea how their words hurt me Man oh man it was like that all the time They just didnrsquot think before they spoke
Frustrated and over-whelmed in my teens I finally found the ldquofriendrdquo that I had been looking for mdash first name ldquoALrdquo last name ldquoCOHOLrdquo I would be-come a whole new person when I drank booze and how I drank I found a brand new confidence I was somewhat funny when I drank dur-ing the early years of drinking however over time I became de-pressed and extremely angry I would fight in bars on a regular basis Then in December of 1987 I was stabbed outside a bar and nearly died Now you would think that being stabbed and nearly dy-ing would prompt a lifestyle
change or at the very least cause me to take a personal inventory of my situation and myself But not me I wore it as a badge of honour allowing the insanity to continue
It is said that if the drugs and alco-hol donrsquot kill you the lifestyle will During this time and over the years I was introduced to many criminals Their crimes ranged from murder assaults extortion and drug dealing to running massage parlours and prostitution mdash to just name a few One of my acquaint-ances was even a hired killer He
actually assassinated two reputed crime bosses in Ontario and is now serving a lengthy sentence for those and other killings
But I was drawn to their so-called power and complete disregard for the law Looking back on it I guess I was looking to reclaim the power
that was stolen from me by my abuser
In my early twenties I got a job working with Young Offenders as a Correctional Officer With the money I was making I bought a very nice sports car dated pretty women was extremely materialistic and yet I was never satisfied I worked in corrections for about four years During that time I also began my career in the world of entertainment as a voice impres-sionist and stand-up comedian as well as a co-host of a comedy tele-
vision show I had a tremendous ego and unknowingly had be-come rdquoThe Great I Amrdquo
After a couple of years I moved from comedy to producing and host-ing my own sports television program which aired for ten years I had so much fun and I was able to meet and interview some of sportsrsquo big-gest names
In my mid-20s when the alcohol wasnrsquot medicating my pain any longer I turned to
something stronger mdash COCAINE During a span of approximately ten years the combination of alcohol cocaine and all my poor choices cost me most of my jobs many of my relationships and all my money It drove me to criminal activity po-lice charges a conviction and a criminal record But most of all I
(Continued on page 26)
Alone Uncredited Photo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 26
was lost Glenn was slowly dying inside me I became depressed and despondent and I hated so many people But most of all I hated my-self
I had attempted suicide on a few occasions and I really and truly had a death wish I hated myself so much that on Friday January 16 1998 loaded with a supply of co-caine and booze I booked myself into a hotel room with no intention of coming out alive Friday night and Saturday passed with me drinking and getting high on co-caine After having more cocaine delivered to me on Sunday after-noon there was no turning back mdash or so I thought Approximately at midnight on Sunday I made my final decision mdash it was time for me to leave this stinking world I ingested enough cocaine to kill me and then I barricaded my hotel door and ripped the phone out of the wall I lay down on the bed defeated broken sad guilt-ridden ashamed depressed and scared yet so ready to die
Only Divine Intervention mdash some sort of miracle mdash can explain what hap-pened next The police came into my hotel room at just the right time on Sunday night and took me to the hospital Who called them how did they know to come to my room I donrsquot know Well thatrsquos not completely true Today I am a man of faith and as a Christian I know exactly who orchestrated my rescue
A Victim No More (Continued from page 25)
After a brief stay in the hospital I chose to enter the Hamilton Menrsquos Withdrawal Management Centre where I spent eleven days From there I entered an intensive addic-tion treatment centre for a six-week stay followed by a five and one half month stay at a recovery house
I have been clean and sober since Janu-ary 19 1998
I work the program of recovery intensely I was blessed with some incredible therapists who were able to break through my trust issues my rough exterior and my wall of comedy to allow me to heal I also became involved in the 12-Steps and other support groups through which I have found tremendous friendships and men-toring
Recovery is about making changes Al-though my abuser assaulted me until I was 15 years old I blamed him for all of my problems until I was 33 years old I had to change from being a pro-fessional blamer and liar to a man of responsibility character and in-tegrity It wasnrsquot easy however after many tears and lots of hard work life has gotten much better
Over time and through applying these principles I found peace se-renity and forgiveness and I also
learned how to love myself again Everything that was set in motion to harm me as a young man is now what drives me With Godrsquos help today I am able to live humbly honestly open-minded and willing to do whatever it takes to stay clean and sober while doing what I can to help others who face similar
struggles
Today I serve the Ca-nadian Centre for Abuse Awareness as the Director of the Southwestern Ontario office My mission at hand is to create a task force that will be responsible for build-ing a residential pro-gram for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
I am also the Execu-tive Producer and Host of three popular television programs Good News Sports The Edge and Living Clean Living Clean is the only live weekly interactive television program in Canada
that is designed to assist individu-als who suffer with addiction abuse andor mental illnesses
I also host The Glenn Allan Show on a local radio station in Hamil-ton ON Canada
As a motivational speaker my pres-entation entitled Youth Yak Live has enabled me to speak to thou-sands of youth nationwide since 2000 Through Youth Yak Live I
ldquoRecovery is about
making changes
Although my abuser
assaulted me until I was
15 years old I blamed
him for all of my
problems until I was 33
years old I had to
change from being a
professional blamer and
liar to a man of
responsibility character
and integrity
February 2009
Page 27
Male Survivor Groups (MSG)
By Robert Beacuterubeacute Co-founder MSG
M ale Survivor Groups (MSG) was created by a group of male survivors
of childhood sexual abuse follow-ing the death of a fellow survi-vor in Lon-don Ontario Canada The initial objec-tives were to foster cama-raderie and support for one another and also to obtain proper help
for survivors in the London area
Presently our aim is to help all male survivors and also to make our cause known It is open to all male survivors of childhood ado-lescent and adult abuse We have expanded and have supported the creation of groups across Canada and we are prepared to support the creation of groups throughout the World
Groups have been established in London Vancouver Sudbury and North Bay in Canada
Our beliefs
1 Our groups are for male survi-vors of abuse What is said in the group remains there What is stated must remain confiden-
have developed tremendous work-ing relationships with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police Ontario Provincial Police Crime Stoppers local police agencies young of-fender facilities churches self-help groups and alcohol and drug treatment centres
I also facilitate a weekly peer sup-port group for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
There was a time when I thought I would never get married and that no one could love me for who I am Colleen and I met in 1999 We both have similar pasts We both have worked through our abuse issues and are both clean and so-ber In 2001 my best friend and I married and we now have three beautiful children Ashley Brandon and Christopher Spending the rest of my life with Colleen and our family is a dream come true
The opportunity of sharing Godrsquos gifts and blessings with others is truly an honour and a privilege It is imperative that I never take these things for granted
If I can assist you or someone dear to you please donrsquot hesitate to contact me at the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness Ph 905-594-1581 or email glennccfaacom or visit these websites
wwwabusehurtscom wwwlivingcleanca wwwglennallanca
or write to me co CCAA 38 King St East PO Box 66614 Stoney Creek ON L8G 5E5
(Continued from page 26)
tial Anonymity is of the utmost importance unless the survivor has gone public But intimate details of the public person must also remain confidential Confidentiality must be assured
2 We are in the group to heal and to support each other
3 We are male survivors who want to heal and help others in the process We can be as young as 16 or as old as old can be
4 Our primary purpose is our own safe being Secondary purposes are the betterment of services for male survivors and the advancement of our cause
5 We fight on so that we may grow in solidarity
6 We are not a religious group We do use different models of functioning in our different sub-groups Ours is a healing group for more than one prob-lematic issue
7 We encourage partnerships with organisations businesses and agencies that foster the creation of services for male survivors of abuse
We have created a Facebook Group which is also open to FRIENDS who support our cause Our group is establishing partnerships with other male survivor groups in Canada and worldwide You can contact us through the Facebook page or by emailing me at berube55yahooca
Support Groups
Robert Beacuterubeacute
Vol 2 No 2
Page 28
The CCAA By Ellen Campbell [ellenccfaacom]
Founder and Executive Director Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness
A s some of you know the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness (CCAA) is a
national non-government charitable organization dedicated to eliminat-ing child abuse through advocacy education public awareness and prevention programs With help from community and corporate partners the CCAA provides accessible support healing and indi-vidual empowerment for adult survivors their fami-lies and caregivers through over 20 programs Those that listen to classic rock station Q107 in the To-ronto region will recognize us as their charity of choice through Derringerrsquos Thir-teen Days of Christmas campaign
Based in Newmarket On-tario the CCAA is an active and vibrant organization that in addition to its variety of program offer-ings is also involved in public safety advocacy That advo-cacy started with the early release from prison of one of the perpetra-tors in the Maple Leaf Gardensrsquo child sex abuse scandal Many surviving victims were traumatized again this time by the system The
CCAA went public with its concerns that day and the public safety advocacy program was born
Later the CCAA wrote a sweeping report titled Martinrsquos Hope named in memory of Martin Kruze (the first victim to courageously go public with the story of his abuse at the Gardens and who later tragi-cally took his own life) that made 60 recommendations for legislative and policy change to the criminal justice system These recommenda-tions were gleaned from round-
table discussions with over 150 front-line criminal justice system professionals crime victims and survivors To this day members of the Kruze family sit on the CCAA Board of Directors
After the initial public release of the Martinrsquos Hope report in the fall of 2003 I knew that if repairs were to be made to the criminal justice system advocacy would have to be accelerated That advocacy began in earnest in early 2006 with the hiring of John Muise a volunteer with the CCAA and previously a Toronto police officer with signifi-cant experience in legislative and policy advocacy The hire coincided with new political winds blowing in Ottawa The CCAArsquos full-time public
safety program was born
Relationships already in existence were strength-ened new ones were made and the CCAA intensified its advocacy with politi-cians stakeholders and other decision makers In addition the CCAA courted media attention recogniz-ing the opportunity to get our message out
That advocacy included the preparation of written briefs in support of testi-mony before a number of decision making bodies including several appear-ances before the House of Commons Justice Commit-tee
ADVOCACY REWARDED The last three years have brought success on a number of fronts Progress on the criminal justice reform front is rarely if ever the result of one person or just one organization advocating for
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoMartinrsquos Hoperdquo in Memory of Martin Arnold Kruze From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 29
government Although there are specific circumstances under which the age of consent is 16 (or 18) the general age of consent remained at 14 For many in the child protection
world this has been a shame of what is otherwise a devel-oped and civilized land The fight is finally over with the passage and Royal Assent of this legisla-tion in July of 2008 This is a victory for the many people that fought the good fight and most importantly this law allows prose-cution of those adult predators who choose to sexually exploit 14
and 15 year old children
Review of federal corrections policy
In 2007 the federal government ordered an independent review of the federal corrections and parole system The CCAA attended the announcement of that review and subsequently appeared before the review team and provided detailed written recommendations for change The final report included a number of recommendations that the CCAA provided including those contained in Martinrsquos Hope A rollout of some report recommen-dations has already started includ-ing a pilot project for the use of electronic monitoring on serious and violent offenders who are on parole in communities
(Continued on page 30)
Dangerous offenders Having someone declared a dan-gerous offender is very difficult to do In fact there are fewer then 400 declared dangerous offenders in the country This amendment makes it easier to bring a dangerous offender application for a serious repeat con-victed offender before the court The end result should be we hope the detection and declaration of more dangerous offenders Dangerous offender designation is for life and results in indefinite lock-up of the offender with periodic judicial reviews
Community protection orders
Also known as ldquoSection 810rdquo orders they allow the state to monitor the activities of certain subjects mdash no longer under some form of sen-tence or other judicial release but still considered a danger mdash to be placed on a judicial order similar to a bail with control and monitoring conditions The legislation explicitly expands the controls that can be usedmdashfor example electronic moni-toringmdashand extends the length of the order from one year to two
Age of protection For longer than people care to remember advocates have fought to raise the general age of consent from 14 to 16 years of age Until recently those voices have been largely ignored by the federal
change but no one can deny the important roll played by the CCAA in advancing these reforms These are all original recommendations contained in the Martinrsquos Hope report The results as they say speak for themselves and include but are not limited to the follow-ing
Mandatory minimum sentences for Internet chi ld abuse offences
Over time courts have increasingly relied on so called ldquohouse arrestrdquo provisions (see section immediately below) when sentencing offenders found guilty of Internet child abuse and similar kinds of serious child exploitation offences The sen-tences were often way out of pro-portion to the gravity of the crimes Minimum sentences were legislated for a variety of crimes with the net effect of eliminating the ability of the court to impose ldquohouse arrestrdquo
Conditional sentences of imprisonment
Better known as ldquohouse arrestrdquo this measure brought in over a decade ago was being imposed by the courts for ever more serious of-fenders and offences Many violent and dangerous offenders were allowed to serve their term of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo at home Justice and public safety were compro-mised by this provision Although the Bill that finally passed was watered down significantly by opposition party demands the end result was a tightening of the cir-cumstances under which a sen-tence of this kind could be given
ldquoAfter the initial public
release of the Martinrsquos
Hope report in the fall
of 2003 I knew that if
repairs were to be made
to the criminal justice
system advocacy would
have to be acceleratedrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 30
munity committees and inquiries including the Federal Inquiry pre-sided over by Justice Major into the Air India bombing
Moving forward We are delighted to report that John Muise our Director of Public Safety has recently received a Governor-in-council appointment as a full-time member of the Na-tional Parole Board effective in May of 2009 Although this is a big loss
for the CCAA we are thrilled for John and we know that he will bring the same com-mitment to public safety in that position as he did with the CCAA We wish him the very best in this new and challenging role
Much progress has been made in the past three years with
more anticipated The federal gov-ernment has signaled its intention to finish the work it started and attempt a further repeal of condi-tional sentences of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo They have also said that they in-tend on amending certain aspects of parole legislation and moving on tightening up security (including drug interdiction) in federal prisons
As we kick off 2009 the CCAA has the following priorities
Enhanced training for law enforcement off icers involved in chi ld abuse
investigations The introduction of provincial ldquosafe havenrdquo legislation that would pro-
vide a distressed mother who has given birth (within 72 hours) to take her baby to a place of safety (for example fire station police station hospital emergency) no questions asked and drop the baby off The purpose is to avoid the unthinkable mdash dumpster aban-donment murder at birth This legislation exists in all 50 of the United States but has yet to to be introduced in this country
Parole reform In addition the CCAA will work with partners on two parole and corrections recommendations They include legislating breach of parole as an offence for which a police officer has a power of arrest Com-plimentary to this the replacement of statutory release (automatic release after serving two thirds of a sentence) with regular earned parole Both recommendations were included in the final report of the Corrections Review Team and had been provided with others by the CCAA
We at the CCAA believe that much has been done on the criminal justice reform and public awareness front We are grateful for the pro-gress thus far and proud of the part we have played in moving the public safety agenda along
There is still much work to be done and the CCAA will step up to carry on this most important work
Selection of judges In recognition of the importance of the justice selection process the federal government has recently expanded the scope of people selected to sit on the regional Judicial Advisory Committees tasked with vetting potential ap-pointments and providing recom-mendations to the federal Attorney General and Minister of Justice for final selection Although still dominated by judges and lawyers a wider variety of voices and minds is now part of the selection proc-ess This is welcome news I am one of those voices I sit on one of the regional committees itrsquos an appointment we can all be proud of
Gun crime and other victim focused matters
Although outside the specific man-date of the CCAA (and not included in the Martinrsquos Hope report) in recognition of the impact on com-munities and particularly at risk children and youth the CCAA also appeared before the House of Commons Committee in support of mandatory minimum sentences for serious gun crimes and for amend-ments that tighten up the bail system for those charged with serious gun-related offences
In addition several crime victim supportive briefs were prepared for a number of safe school and com-
The CCAA (Continued from page 29)
ldquoWe at the CCAA hellip are
grateful for the progress
thus far and proud of
the part we have played
in moving the public
safety agenda alongrdquo
February 2009
Page 31
higher than its current statistical significance would suggest I would suggest itrsquos about one in four of the men I deal with 25 compared to the 16 suggested in the cur-rent literature If you allow for the fact that many of the men I work with have come from dysfunctional families that have been dysfunc-tional for generations the higher rate of incidence will hardly be surprising
I really had no idea when I started this job that I would have a head-
on collision with CSA No idea at all I was in my pre-survivor life My own past experi-ences were like a dormant volcano Sure some smoke would puff out every now and then for no readily apparent rea-son but no major eruption But as I heard more and more stories told by men in their own abyss of despair and self loath-ing things started to bubble within me
I remember the first man who disclosed to me He did not really intend to He started to tell part of a story and I just knew I just knew What he did say was part of an institutional abuse situa-tion that gained public awareness in the media After that story broke many men came forward as well to tell their story of how they too were abused as boys in a school
Inside
By Geeders (Jim)
W hen I was first asked to write about my experi-ences working in a jail I
wasnrsquot really sure what I could say about it Can I say this or should I say that Was it going to be really negative or show promise of better days ahead And what about me mdashthe new me mdash dealing with issues of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) at the same time as the men I see and work with How the hell was (or is) that going to work Well it is a work in progress after all and one that seems to evolve as I change and as I become more comfortable with my own sense of a new self
Let me begin by saying that there is nothing in this article that would meet the rigours of clinical dissection Equally important I do not work with sexual offenders What I am going to say is purely my experience based on personal observation No scientific analysis can be attributed to it apart from what we already know or suspect One in six men will have been sexually assaulted or abused by the time they are 18 It has long been opined that the number of abused men is actually
setting that was really a cover for juveniles in trouble with the law
The inmate I was working with did not come forward at that time He couldnrsquot His disclosure to me was the first time he had ever said anything about his abuse No one else knew mdash no one He was alone His pain was palpable and obvious His shame and guilt were profound Never had he admitted to himself what had happened in that school let alone admitted to a total stranger until that very moment I listened to his pain tried to console him just let him cry Eventually over the course of a couple of interviews it became obvious to me why he was in jail Any self-esteem that he had as a boy or young man was destroyed by his abuse His very essence was rewritten by the men who had abused him Teens get into trouble but they can also learn to later stay out of it by fol-lowing the teachings of those they trust But for this young man his ability to trust was destroyed by the very people who were sup-posed to care for him nurture him and dare I say it love him appro-priately What was even more tragic is that this man came from a cul-ture that has low tolerance for anything that even remotely resem-bles homosexuality
Being abused sent this man on a downward spiral that ultimately turned him into a drug addict by his own admission a junkie who hated himself for what ldquohe had
(Continued on page 32)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoOver the course of
several related careers I
have seen a lot of good
being done Irsquove also
seen a lot of ugliness
that even by todayrsquos
standards defies the
most common
sensibilities we have as
human beingsldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 32
donerdquo His shame and guilt and culture prevented him saying any-thing about what happened It cut him off from any legal action that might take place and removed any sort of financial compensation that he might gain as a result of his abuse It eventually cut him off from his own family because his drug abuse prevented him from working and supporting his wife and family It destroyed his ability to be a good dad and husband A few years later I saw him back in jail again
When I did encounter him again it was with an in-creased sense of awareness within me Every time a man disclosed to me that he had been sexually abused or assaulted I started to die inside A little piece of me just died every time a man said to me what I could not say to myself or anyone else That dormant volcano started to fume a bit more regularly
Over the course of several related careers I have seen a lot of good being done Irsquove also seen a lot of ugliness that even by todayrsquos standards defies the most common sensibilities we have as human beings It exists Itrsquos around every corner if we choose to look at it Along with the ugly we have the good We have people who are willing to take a stand and come forward to say to the world ldquoWe
Inside (Continued from page 31)
have a problem here itrsquos not going to go away and it needs to be fixedrdquo I had the good fortune to meet many of these people last year at a conference on male sex-ual victimization By then I had been able to learn from the men that I serve that perhaps I too could learn to tell someone Could I be a survivor too
Men in jail are there for a reason Whether itrsquos to protect society while they await trial or from
themselves or while sentenced they are here Whether I think they should be here is irrelevant They are usually at the end of their ropes Their lives are upside down and in turmoil They are frequently in withdrawal from illicit drug use They are in the bottom of a pit from which there does not appear to be an escape or refuge They are desperate and will act desperately
if needed They are angry and no longer have any control over their lives Someone has taken that control away from them They have no choice but to comply Failure to comply results in loss of privileges which can include being prohibited from contact with those they love the most Forced co-habitation with other men can evoke strong memories of prior abuse which they cannot deal with let alone understand It can be isolation
They are alone and cannot speak about their issues for fear of being discovered and further stigmatized and trau-matized by a peer group that cannot tolerate differences or diversity
I have been fortunate in that for some reason men trust me and feel safe and able to disclose And when they do you can see the relief on their faces They are scared for sure but it has always seemed to be a relief I have to ask them I have no choice because itrsquos part of my job But now as a survivor myself I can tell them they are not alone I cannot tell them about me but I can tell them they are not alone that they
are among the approximately one in six men who are assaulted or abused when they are boys or young men I can tell them about the few resources we have avail-able for men which are a 100 improvement compared to what they had when they first walked into my office I tell them about MaleSurvivor and have MS posters up in my office I can tell them that
ldquoTougher than lsquoNamrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 33
Maybe not I prefer to think that I have shown them that there is hope There is life in being a survi-vor they donrsquot have to be held hostage any longer by a secret that was put upon them by an abuser I prefer to think that I have been able to show them that they do not have to be ashamed for being male When I speak with them Irsquom a straight shooter I calls rsquoem as I sees lsquoem I use words they can understand mdash street language mdash which helps them understand their bodies and to understand that Mother Nature made them to be reactive and responsive I tell them that simply because their bodies reacted that their bodies re-sponded while being abused did not make the abuse their fault It takes a while to get there at times But the relief when the penny drops and they realize that they themselves were in no way respon-sible for the abuse is quite remark-able
Just this week Irsquove been working with a man who actually smiled when he came into my office He said ldquoI finally get it It wasnrsquot my faultrdquo He then went on to tell me that immediately prior to his at-tending in my office he had just disclosed to his sister while on the phone in his jail area surrounded by other inmates While it was perhaps not the safest venue for a disclosure he made his own deci-sion He said he was taking control As a 35 year old this man has not been in control since he was first abused at age seven Subsequent abuse only reinforced for him that he was an object a thing not worth anything Relationship after relationship failed him as he con-tinued to relive issues of abandon-
there are over 6000 people regis-tered at MS and that when they get out they will find tremendous support at the MS website I can tell them about Weekends of Re-covery without disclosing that attending a WOR was one of the best things I have done with my life They will know that they are no longer alone And not once has anyone asked me directly about me If they did I could not reply which in a round about way is a reply But I cannot reply Why The institution that I work in can be as intolerant of differences and diver-sity as the inmates are of each other The whole notion of male abuse and assault simply does not exist It is not spoken of It will not be spoken of mdash until now
Because abuse is now spoken of I have been able to create a support network for inmates and for myself Itrsquos a small step but a step never-theless Itrsquos spoken of now at a level never before reached in terms of official support and direction Support has yet to be defined but I have a mandate now to do a better job for male survivors Itrsquos on paper Itrsquos my goal
Safety of all concerned has to remain first and foremost mdash safety for the inmate safety for me With inmates disclosing to me often for the first time I am struck by what happens next A huge can of worms is opened And for what There is little safety here little opportunity to follow up The court system tosses these men around like dice One day they are here the next they are God knows where Have I done something that perhaps I shouldnrsquot have Maybe
ment physical and sexual abuse sexual orientation confusion anger management substance abuse domestic violence self respect low self esteem boundaries mdash these and much more impact upon this man daily But hersquos making a start Itrsquos another chance We all need them
I would be remiss to not mention the support of my colleagues Some of them do know about me and they have been tremendously supportive and understanding They too share a belief that it is possible for men to become survivors I cannot imagine doing this work everyday without their ongoing support I love you guys
The resources I refer to are few the Menrsquos Project in Ottawa The Gate-house in Toronto as well as local sexual assault centres I discovered on my own road to recovery that our local sexual assault centre does in fact offer services to men but does not advertise this due to the fear of being inundated with refer-rals They simply are not equipped to handle what surely lies out in my community When the report of the Cornwall Inquiry comes out later this year it is my belief that it will force our government our society to re-examine how its treatment of boys and men is provided Hope-fully those who are like I was feeling alone fearful uncomfortable in their own skin will feel more enabled to come forward to shed that skin that was put on them by their abuser(s) and step out of the ordinary letting their souls ascend and become free
Vol 2 No 2
Page 34
A History of Male Survi-vor Services in Queacutebec
and First Nations Communities
By Caroline Benamza (dance and drama therapistpsychotherapist at CRIPHASE)
And by Benoicirct St Jean (Director of CRIPHASE)
Contact Tel +1-514-529-55-67 Email infocriphaseorg
Website wwwcriphaseorg
T he latest statistics in Queacutebec show that one out of every six men has been sexually
abused before the age of 18 but there are very few statistics regard-ing male survivors and this estima-tion is only based on reported abuse Most adult men or boys who are survivors go unnoticed because most of the services in Queacutebec are exclusively for women In 2008 the male population in Queacutebec was about 3800000 of which about 3000000 are above 20 years of age (from the Institut de la Statistique) Therefore we can estimate that in Queacutebec there are around 500000 male survivors actually visible within the different health care services justice system and police departments The num-ber is already frightening for a seemingly peaceful society like Queacutebec When it comes to Native American communities as many as 80 of boys have been sexually abused before the age of 18 This number is quite similar mdash but for different reasons mdash to the male population within the Federal or Provincial prisons
The reality of male survivors of sexual abuse in childhood has remained in the dark for years in Queacutebec and it is only in the last four years that the government has acknowledged the necessity of funding counseling services for male survivors Historically it can be explained The first services for survivors have been developed since the 1960s within the very strong Queacutebeacutecois feminist move-ments The women have built along the years a strong network of ser-vices for female vic-tims of sexual abuse and domestic vio-lence Today these services still exist as the CALACS (Centres dAide et de Lutte contre les Agressions agrave Caractegravere Sexuel = Sexual Assault Cen-tres) network for survivors of sexual abuse Due to a strong belief in pro-viding a safe haven for women survivors men were turned away from these services and had nowhere to go Only two survivorsrsquo centres in the Montreal area outside the CALACS network welcomed men but those men represent only 5 of clients
This situation became obvious when the CAVAC (Centre drsquoAide pour les Victime drsquoActes Criminels = Crime Victims Assistance Centres) started to provide counseling ser-
vices to victims of criminal acts who wished to press charges and go through a court procedure The first services in Queacutebec for male survivors therefore came from a strong need in the society In 1996 the CAVAC decided to fund an experimental program directed by Denis Reneacute to offer a support group for male survivors This program was named the PHASE Groups (Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = For Men Sexually Abused in Child-
hood) With the suc-cess of these first groups between 1996 and 1997 the CAVAC of Montreal tried to secure funding for the continuation of services Unfortu-nately the PHASE Groups suffered from the double status it carried within the government the Minister of Justice that was the main funder of the CAVAC refused to fund a counseling service supposedly to be funded by the Health Minister Later the Health Minister turned down the
funding because as part of CAVAC the program should have been funded by the Minister of Justice
So it was in 1997 that Denis Reneacute decided to secure the future of the PHASE Groups by registering them
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoWhen it comes to
Native American
communities as many
as 80 of boys have
been sexually abused
before the age of 18
This number is quite
similarmdashbut for different
reasonsmdashto the male
population within the
Federal or Provincial
prisonsrdquo
February 2009
Page 35
intimacy and sexuality issues) and PHASE Artistique (a 10 weeks art and movement therapy program) with a holistic approach to body and mind recovery
In 2008 the very first weekend of recovery (named PHASE Weekend) was created and CRIPHASE wishes to make the weekend an annual event In 2003 for the first time
CRIPHASE became a full member of the Table de Concertation en Agressions Sexuelles (a gathering of several organizations providing services to survivors in addition to representatives from the Justice the Health Minister and the police) This cooperation allows a better understanding of survivor issues and needs as well as a better coor-
within a non-profit organization that took the name CRIPHASE (Centre de Resources et drsquointervention Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = Resource and Intervention Centre for Men who have been Sexually Abused in Childhood) For 10 years the Groups have survived on pri-vate funding and have provided two recovery Groups called PHASE 1 and PHASE 2 Each PHASE is a 10-week program serving non-offending male survivors over 18 years of age and of all sexual orienta-tions With its first public funding in 2004 of $38000 a director was en-gaged by the board of administration and in 2008 the PSOC (a funding body within the agency of Health and Social Services) fi-nally secured the future of CRIPHASE with a first major funding rooting CRIPHASE in the circle of sexual abuse survivors centres
Since 2006 CRIPHASE has devel-oped a major politics of visibility through the media conferences and meetings with the different actors of the Queacutebeacutecois stage Three more programs have been developed within CRIPHASE PHASE Conjoint (for partners of male survivors) PHASE Sexo (a 10 weeks program of recovery focusing on
dination of services on the ground From within the Table CRIPHASE has been able to educate people on the issue of male survivors and participate or initiate projects such as the Information Guide for Sexual Assault Victims and the first pre-vention mobilization and aware-ness march for sexual abuse survi-vors in 2008 The presence of CRIPHASE at the Table has also
allowed the feminists within the CALACS to have a better under-standing of the suffer-ing of male survivors who are also victims in their own way of an old patriarchal system CRIPHASE was also finally incorporated in the CALACS coordina-tion groupmdashcalled Table des CALACS mdash in 2008
Until 2008 there were no services provided in English (Queacutebec is a French-speaking province where Eng-lish speakers are a minority) due to lack of funding to translate the PHASE 1 docu-ments and employ English-speaking therapists The project
to offer groups in English had been put aside for years but finally in 2008 the first groups of PHASE 1 and 2 opened for English speakers The PHASE Artistique and PHASE Weekend are now bilingual pro-grams
(Continued on page 36)
Phone calls received at CRIPHASE
male survivors
therapists
relatives and loved ones
other
The average male survivor using the services at CRIPHASE is aged between 35 and 55
Vol 2 No 2
Page 36
Male survivors in the Native American
communities Recovery programs within Native American communities are only starting Many Native American men were sexually abused as well as psychologically and emotionally abused when they were sent to boarding schools across the province for assimila-tion The effects of this traumatic experience (including historic trauma) can be seen in all First Nations of Queacutebec Algonquians Cris Innus Abenakis Innuits Micmacs and so forth Today there is a strong need of heal-ing for this lost gen-eration but traumatic experiences and con-sequences have been passed on to the next generations Unfortu-nately sexual abuse is one of these problems which need to be addressed through prevention and coun-seling in a way that will integrate Native American traditions and their holistic ap-proach to medicine Such programs already exist within some communi-ties Organizations like GRIPMA (Groupe de Recherches et dInter-ventions Psychosociales en Milieu Autochtone = Research and Inter-vention group in Aboriginal Com-munities) located in the Huron
History of Male Survivor Services (Continued from page 35)
community of Wendake (near Queacute-bec city) provide a clinical expertise in intervention within Native Ameri-can communities On the other side the Aboriginal Healing Foun-dation based in Ottawa is currently funding 16 recovery projects for the First Nations in Queacutebec ad-dressing sexual abuse addiction prevention of suicide boarding schools trauma etc until 2010
Last year the publication of the five-year funding plan on sexual abuse by the provincial govern-ment of Queacutebec has seen the recognition of male survivors as a population in great need of ser-vices It has also recognized the necessity of providing services to the First Nations communities
Things are changing in Queacutebec for male survivors Because CRIPHASE is the only organization providing support and counseling to men in Queacutebec who have been sexually abused in childhood there is great hope for an increase of funding this year The constant develop-ment of CRIPHASE and the increase in phone calls and numbers of guys within the services (in 2008-
2009 there will be seven groups of PHASE 1 in-stead of five the year before) also show that men in Queacutebec are get-ting the right information on sexual abuse and services and are being encouraged to look for help and engage in re-covery
If you are one of these men in Queacutebec we are waiting for your call Remember you are not alone
For the annual march event please visit wwwmarchevasca (Information for the May 2009 march will be on line from February 2009)
Quilt Square by a Native Child from Alberta From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 37
MaleSurvivor is men surviving sexual abuse in Canada we will start with Canadarsquos sad legacy of abuse of children by clergy
A Brief Incomplete Canadian History
In Canada our First Nations People have had to bear the legacy of abuse they endured in Canadarsquos notorious residential schools Cur-rent issues of addictions and family and mental health problems amongst our First Nations people can be traced back to the legacy of abuse experienced by Native chil-dren in residential schools
Around 1874 the federal government began working with the churches (Catholic Anglican United and Presbyte-rian) to set up the Residential School System as a means to suppress Native cul-ture and promote assimilation In gen-eral children between the ages of five and 16 were taken from their parents and sent to church-run residen-tial schools The extent of the abuse in these church-run schools has been referred to as the ldquoCanadian Holocaustrdquo Recently the Canadian Government formed the Truth and Reconciliation Commis-sion (TRC) as part of the court-approved Indian Residential Schools Settlement Agreement The
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious
Leader By Nancy N Mayer MSW RSW
Partner Crisci amp Mayer Consultation Counselling and
Training Toronto wwwckmconsultationcom
Introduction
L ikely all the readers of this newsletter have knowledge and expertise about men
being physically sexually and emotionally abused Research tells us that abusers can come from any
walk of life and most often are known to the child or adult In the last decade abuse by clergy has finally ldquocome out of the closetrdquo so to
speak thanks to those brave survi-vors who have made public their experiences of being abused by clergy More than ever survivor groups are encouraging victims to report these crimes to the police and to consider seeking civil re-dress for their injuries Many groups believe that change in churches will only come when they are held accountable for the abuse perpetrated by clergy
This article will attempt to address the distinctive issues that are com-mon to this population of survivors Because the focus of this issue of
purpose of the commission is not to determine guilt or innocence but to create an historical account of the residential schools help people to heal and encourage reconciliation between Aboriginal and non-aboriginal Canadians
The notorious Mount Cashel Or-phanage is another Canadian leg-acy of sexual abuse by clergy This facility was operated in Newfound-land by the Christian Brothers More than a dozen priests were convicted after decades of abusing young boys at the orphanage
Mount Cashel Or-phanage closed in 1989 just six months after allegations of sexual physical and emotional abuse were published by the media (For more in depth information see Harris Michael Unholy Orders Trag-edy at Mount Cashel Ontario Viking Press 1990)
Like the US there have been hundreds and perhaps thou-sands of cases of children and vulner-
able adults abused by clergy in every religious denomination Unlike the US our country is not bound as strictly by statutes of limitations so lawsuits can proceed more freely Our sentences for convicted clerical sex offenders are
(Continued on page 38)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Nancy N Mayer
ldquo[First Nations] children
between the ages of five
and 16 were taken from
their parents and sent to
church-run residential
schools The extent of
the abuse in these
church-run schools has
been referred to as the
lsquoCanadian Holocaustrsquoldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 38
nowhere near as severe as those of our American neighbours Most first offenders will not serve a day in jail The civil awards for personal inju-ries are also quite low Our court system promotes set-tling these cases out of court When a case fails to go to trial it is not part of the public re-cord The widespread use of confidentiality orders media fatigue and Canadian reserve means that it is impos-sible to obtain accurate statistics on how often men are abused by clergy or even the ex-tent of the problem in this country
The Authority of Rel igious Leaders Religious organizations have always played a central role in our so-cieties They provide moral ethical and spiritual guidance Reli-gious teachings have given us a context and meaning for our lives Most religious belief revolves around a divine power or God Religious leaders (ministers priests rabbis elders nuns) are thought to be Godrsquos earthly repre-sentatives and are treated with reverence and respect They have intimate involvement with families and children at such vulnerable times as an illness death or other family crises They may have access
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 37)
to confidential information by virtue of their roles of confessor or counsellor A child brought up by religious parents is taught to re-spect these men and women Oth-ers associated with churches mdash choir leaders teachers cantors youth group leaders mdash are also considered trustworthy by virtue of their close
association with their religious organizations Most parents en-courage their childrenrsquos participa-tion in church-based activities believing them to be safe and wholesome
These leaders are considered to be esteemed authorities and as repre-sentatives of God wield a great deal of power Depending on the faith group there may be teachings
that support an unquestioning adherence to their instructions and guidance This makes children and vulnerable adults particularly sus-ceptible to exploitation by this group because they have access opportunity and trust
Misuse of Power Perpetrators can utilize their positions of power and trust to gain access to their victims some-times for extended periods of uninterrupted time They may tell children that they are being asked to ldquoserve Godrdquo or that they or their families will be punished if they do not do as instructed Chil-dren may be threatened with eternal damnation or blamed for leading the religious leader into sin If the religion con-siders premarital sex or same sex contacts as sinful the guilt will be compounded
In most cases the victim will not disclose or may disclose but not be
believed A child will have a difficult time convincing adults that he or she has been victimized The vic-timrsquos family culture or communi-ties have been socialized to see their religious leaders as unques-tionably good and incapable of lies This can lead to others denying or minimizing the victimrsquos experience of abuse The victim is initially harmed by the abuser and then is revictimized by those who cannot
ldquoMay Hope be Passed through Every Handrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 39
institutionrsquos response and lack of compassion and pastoral care
The Impact on Spir ituality
The frequently used term ldquosoul murderrdquo aptly describes what hap-pens when the abuser is a religious leader When the response of the religious institu-tion to a disclosure of abuse is experienced as self-serving and uncaring the survivor will likely lose his faith in the religious community of which he has been a part To belong and to feel connected is a basic human need When abused by clergy the loss of connection and belonging to what may have been a spiritual anchor can be devastating
To compound the harm the abuse may have occurred in a religious building The abuser may have worn traditional cleri-cal attire or may have made religious or biblical refer-ences As a result being exposed to religious symbols music or any other reminder can trigger flashbacks and other uncomfortable physical symptoms
The cleric is often considered Godrsquos representative on earth This gives the cleric power that surpasses his position and status When abuse is at the hands of a minister nun
accept that their spiritual leaders are capable of abuse There are many stories of clergy abuse survi-vors being abandoned by their religious communities (who side with the cleric) and their families who cannot face leaving the church that has given their lives meaning and comfort The resultant feelings of betrayal and abandonment are profound
The Role of the Religious Inst itutions
When religious institutions hold themselves up as ethical compasses and arbitrators of right and wrong society has an expectation that church leaders will act in a fair and moral way Many US Commissions and Grand Juries and Canadian reports such as the Winter Com-mission Report (Archdiocese of St Johns Newfoundland Canada 1990) Child Abuse in Community Institutions and Organizations and Improving Public and Professional Understanding (prepared for the Law Commission of Canada) all record and explain the dynamics that have lead to the failure of religious institutions to protect our children
While it is well known that any institution mdash educational recrea-tional or spiritual mdash is not immune from having sex offenders in its midst the religious institutions have a particular legacy of protect-ing the institution through aggres-sive legal tactics versus truth telling and reconciliation Many victims state that they have been less wounded by the actual abuse and profoundly more damaged by the
priest rabbi minister or elder the recipient of the abuse may experi-ence profound guilt for ldquoparticipatingrdquo in ldquosinfulrdquo behaviour mdash a mistaken belief that he is respon-sible for the abuse or shame that
he has ldquosinnedrdquo He may believe he is deserving of rejection or eternal damnation If he confesses he risks exposing the cleric who has likely done what he could to trick the victim into believing that he must maintain silence and secrecy One survivor describes feeling that rdquoIt was like being abused by God him-self If even God couldnrsquot love me how could anyone else ever love merdquo
These factors alone can leave a man who has been abused by clergy unable to find comfort and solace in what used to be his spiritual beliefs and his church Without these familiar beliefs the survivor is aban-
doned and alone when he most needs support
The Role of Gender While woman are ordained in some denominations there is still an imbalance of power between men and women in many religious tradi-tions For boys and men abused by male clerics embarrassment and
(Continued on page 40)
ldquoThe frequently used
term lsquosoul murderrsquo aptly
describes what happens
when the abuser is a
religious leader When
the response of the
religious institution to a
disclosure of abuse is
experienced as self-
serving and uncaring
the survivor will likely
lose his faith in the
religious community of
which he has been
a partrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 40
concerns of how they will be per-ceived promote silence For the boy or man abused by a female cleric there may be worries that he will be labelled the seducer or pres-sured to consider this ldquorelationshiprdquo as non-abusive
The study conducted by the John Jay Col-lege of Criminal Jus-tice regarding The Nature and Scope of the Problem of Sexual Abuse of Minors by Priests and Deacons in the Catholic Church (Washington DC USCCB 2004) found some very disturbing information about the age and gender of victims The largest group of reported victims (509) was between the ages of 11 and 14 273 of victims were 15 to 17 16 were eight to 10 and nearly 6 were under age seven Overall 81 of vic-tims were male and 19 female Male victims tended to be older than female victims Over 40 of all victims were males between the ages of 11 and 14
The largest group of reported victims in this study consisted of boys who were entering puberty This is a tumultuous time in most
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 39)
young menrsquos lives To have this period of development disrupted can contribute to many mental health problems including lack of confidence disruption of emo-tional sexual and psycho-social development isolation sexual identity confusion depression anxiety and abuse of substances
In Summary The harm experienced by those
who are abused by clergy is profound and multifaceted Some therapists will not want to work with survivors of clergy abuse due to the complexity of their issues their limited knowledge of the subject area possible religious biases and potential for litigation Most (but certainly not all) survivors will have experienced revictimization by their churches or religious institutions This compounded by abuse by a religious leader in a position of power will under-standably lead to unique challenges Survivors will have
significant trust issues that can impede the forming of a trusting therapeutic relationship with a therapist who will also be in a position of power and may be an employee of an institution With transparency and skill on the part of the therapist and tenacity on the part of the survivor effective thera-
peutic partnership can be achieved While recovery is difficult it is possible
The irony is that many survivors of abuse by clergy have a strong sense of integrity morality and perseverance They learned the lessons that the ldquoreligiousrdquo offend-ers failed to learn At the core of their beings these clergy abuse survivors are the prophets who have come to speak the truth and reveal the abuse and the decep-tions It is this desire for social justice truth telling belonging and connection that will allow a healthy spiritual belief system to rise out of the ashes of what has happened It is this healthy spiritual belief that makes many clergy abuse survivors persistent and tenacious in seeking recovery and social justice They are making a difference and chang-ing the world as we know it
ldquoThe harm experienced
by those who are
abused by clergy is
profound and
multifaceted Some
therapists will not want
to work with survivors
of clergy abuse due to
the complexity of their
issues their limited
knowledge of the
subject area possible
religious biases and
potential for litigationldquo
February 2009
Page 41
tion of it earlier in the lsquo90s but 1997 is when there was a critical mass of mostly male survivors coming forward and taking action against Maple Leaf Gardens Your question specifically was ldquoDid it play a role in my choice of ca-reersrdquo
MS Yes
SJ Yes and no The Maple Leaf
Gardens cases were not my first sexual assault cases but my in-volvement in these cases solidified my interest and desire to help sur-vivors
MS Could you take a few minutes to explain to our readers just what the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal was and why it has played a central role in revealing the extent of sex-ual abuse at least in the Toronto area
of my clients will say something like ldquoYou know this is not about the money I donrsquot care how much I get this is about something elserdquo And whatever that person seeks mdash an apology or the empowerment of filing a lawsuit or a million other unique things mdash that is why I do this kind of work Itrsquos about helping people through whatever process they need in order to begin that healing process the moving forward process
MS And also to provide your clients with a sense of justice
SJ Absolutely Justice is really not about the money itrsquos about the knowledge that theyrsquove come forward theyrsquove done something and theyrsquove empowered themselves It takes a tre-mendous amount of courage to do that I am always in awe of my cli-ents for the amount of courage they have They are my inspiration
MS Many Americans are unaware of the so-called Maple Leaf Gar-dens sex scandal that began some-time in the 1960s but didnrsquot come to wide public attention until 1997 the year after you began practicing law Did this scandal have some affect on your choice of career
SJ Actually the scandal did come to prominence before 1997 There was scattered media atten-
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 1)
SJ Sure There was a series of men who were employed at Maple Leaf Gardens which was the home of the Toronto Maple Leafs mdash the hockey club mdash who over a period of a couple of decades sexually abused probably hundreds of chil-dren It started in the lsquo60s it went on we believe until the early lsquo80s There were two principal men in-volved but there were at least three
others who also were ac-cused In order to under-stand why the Maple Leaf Gardens sex scandals are as important as they are you have to understand that hockey in Toronto and hockey in Canada is almost a religion Hockey is to Canadians what the NFL or Major League Baseball is to Americans Every little boy dreams of about becoming the next Wayne Gretzky becoming the best hockey player he can be Maple Leaf Gar-dens was the home of one of the best loved and biggest hockey teams mdash the Toronto Maple Leafs The Gardens was the high
temple of hockey in Canada and still is In the lsquo60s lsquo70s and even the lsquo80s children mdash mostly boys mdash would go to Maple Leaf Gardens usually unaccompanied by their parents because back then nobody really thought that anything bad would happen to them at the Gar-dens The boys would go there ei-ther for practice games or to watch the Maple Leafs play or more likely they would go to watch To-
(Continued on page 42)
ldquoMaple Leaf Gardens in Memory of Martin Kruzerdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 42
ronto Marlies games The Marlies were the farm team for the Toronto Maple Leafs During these games and these practices the pedophiles who worked at the Gardenrsquos would often befriend these boys seeking out boys who were more vulner-able than others most likely and would sexually assault the boys sometimes off-property but most often within the Gardens itself They would use their position as employees of the Gardens to be able to say to the boys if you come with me Irsquoll get you a broken hockey stick or hockey puck or Irsquoll get you into better seats the next game or whatever other type of inducement would be necessary to get the boys to go with them into either a washroom or a training room or other private place where the boys would be sexually abused
In 1997 there were about 50 or 60 cases all joined to-gether and Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Entertainment Ltd wanted to settle all the cases prior to the Toronto Maple Leafs moving into a new hockey rink called the Air Canada Center so as to have a clean slate at the new rink By and large a lot of the litigation was fin-ished before the team moved into the Air Canada Center but not all of it In fact there are probably 17 or 19 cases going through the court
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 41)
system today more than 10 years after the original large group of plaintiffs went through the court and I believe that new people will continue to come forward when they are strong enough
MS I understand that one of the principal plaintiffs in the case Mar-tin Kruze had settled with the owners or the operators of the Ma-ple Leaf Gardens in 1995 and that he signed a confidentiality agree-ment not to reveal the settlement
or perhaps even the details of what had happened to him Do you think that the confidentiality agree-ment Mr Kruze agreed to slowed down or hindered the full exposure of this scandal
SJ I think that any confidentiality agreement blocks public access to knowledge and to understanding so I do suspect that Martinrsquos confi-dentiality agreement did have some impact on the scandal re-
maining hidden for as long as it did Absolutely yes I believe that confidentiality agreements are in-herently difficult for plaintiffs be-cause they create and continue a cycle of secrecy Sexual assault is a crime that is almost always carried out in secret and the guilt and shame it produces is key in helping pedophiles maintain their hold over their victims Putting a confidential-ity agreement on a settlement just perpetuates the guilt and the shame
MS Unfortunately Martin Kruzersquos principal perpetrator received a shockingly light sen-tence for all his actions and I understand that this led to Martin com-mitting suicide shortly afterwards
SJ I would think that the perpetratorrsquos sentence was a part of why Martin chose to end his life yes It hap-pened relatively shortly after the sentencing and I suspect that it weighed heavily on Martinrsquos decision
MS Do you think that the sen-tence that the perpetrator received was a reflection of the then current attitude towards pedophiles and sexual abuse
SJ The sentence that the perpe-trator received was a reflection on the way that the Canadian justice system deals with criminals regard-ing personal crimes absolutely It was a very low sentence in keep-
Imants Kruze visiting his sonrsquos memorial quilt square in the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 43
obtain here versus how much they can obtain in the United States In the United States there is no cap for pain and suffering awards whereas here in Canada there is a very small cap mdash about $325000 If a survivor of sexual assault goes through the court system and even if they have a very good day in court in terms of compensation yoursquore probably looking at an award for dam-ages somewhere be-tween $200000 and $500000 Sometimes itrsquos actually less than $200000 and very very rarely more than $500000 so in that sense we are defi-nitely behind But I donrsquot think itrsquos a question of waiting 10 years to see if we ldquocatch uprdquo I think itrsquos just a fundamental difference in how our court system works and whatrsquos available to survivors in terms of compensation
If you mean that Canada is 10 years behind in dealing with other aspects of sexual assault then you are probably correct in terms of media attention public awareness and outrage Sexual assault is still largely an unreported unprose-cuted crime But things are getting better every day and as more and more survivors come forward posi-tive changes will continue to hap-pen
MS As Irsquom sure you know therersquos periodic discussion about tort re-
ing with what was handed out at the time and to a large extent itrsquos still in keeping with what is handed out right now
MS Are you still representing or have you represented anyone who is a plaintiff in this scandal
SJ I was very much involved in the core group of Maple Leaf Gar-dens survivors that came forward in 1997 I was on what was called the plaintiffsrsquo committee back then which was a group of a few lawyers who brought the litigation forward I represented a number of plaintiffs in the original group that came forward I have also represented quite a few men throughout the last 10 years and currently repre-sent two men in the last group of plaintiffs to come forward I have also been approached by at least two other men who may decide to pursue litigation
MS Dale English mdash who has spo-ken to you at some length mdash has said to me that either you or he or both of you have felt that Canada is perhaps 10 or more years behind the US in dealing with the issues of sexual abuse and sexual assault Could you elaborate on that com-ment
SJ I think it depends on what you mean by dealing with the is-sues If you mean dealing with the issues in terms of bringing civil cases forward to a certain extent we are behind One of the funda-mental differences between the United States and Canada is the way that our tort systems operate and specifically the amount of compensation that tort victims can
form in the United States mainly aimed at capping punitive dam-ages Irsquom wondering whether there is the mirror of that in Canada mdash whether therersquos any movement to-wards tort reform that would allow greater awards to victims
SJ Well there is and there isnrsquot In Canada itrsquos very difficult if not
impossible to get pu-nitive damages espe-cially if therersquos a criminal conviction The punitive damages that are available in Canada are very low A typical punitive damage award would be $20000 or $25000 - usually not much more than that So damages are quite restricted here in any event In terms of tort reform I think there is a global push by in-surance companies to
try to limit compensation whether in the States or here The things that the American Association of Justice are fighting for down in the States are the same things that the Ontario Trial Lawyers Association are fighting for here mdash the continued ability to sue for compensation un-hampered by legislative roadblocks benefitting powerful institutional defendants to the detriment of those who have suffered Ours is a much smaller playing field and therefore less money is at stake In terms of plaintiffsrsquo lawyers wersquore trying to maximize the compensa-tion that we can get for our client Every time we go to court we try
(Continued on page 44)
ldquoIf you mean that
Canada is 10 years
behind in dealing with
other aspects of sexual
assault then you are
probably correct in
terms of media
attention public
awareness and outrageldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 44
to get a higher damage award so that that case will be a building block for future cases There are always attempts to try to circum-vent the cap on pain and suffering damages that we have Itrsquos not an easy thing to do the cap has been in place in Canada for 32 years now It was put in place in 1977 by the Supreme Court of Canada and itrsquos unlikely to be overturned any-time soon Even though from a purely theoretical legal analysis that cap does not apply to pain and suffering damages for victims of sexual assault and sexual abuse the reality is that judges still use that cap as a high water mark even though it doesnrsquot formally apply mdash it is still a de facto cap and to be honest with you it is almost impos-sible to get anywhere near that cap for compensation for pain and suf-fering A typical pain and suffering award in Canada for childhood sex-ual abuse is somewhere between $100000 and $200000 Anything on top of that would be associated economic loss or care costs
MS Itrsquos quite unfortunate that even though therersquos no real cap the law behaves as if there were one
SJ Yep I couldnrsquot agree with you more Itrsquos very unfortunate
MS I understand that in 2005 the government of Ontario convened whatrsquos known as the Cornwall Pub-lic Inquiry Was the Inquiry con-vened to address the issues of sex-ual abuse and sexual assault and
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 43)
the way the justice system is han-dling it
SJ Thatrsquos probably one of the reasons the Inquiry was convened Thatrsquos one of the hopes The In-quiry was convened because of what was going on in a little city east of Toronto mdash a series of allega-tions against very prominent mem-bers of that community involving the sexual abuse of children over a period of many many years The idea behind the Inquiry is to try to figure out what happened and to put in place some recommenda-tions that will not only stop some-thing like the abuse in Cornwall from happening again but will also try to help those who were affected by the events in the first place And to some extent I think some good will come of the Inquiry Hopefully the recommendations will be good for survivors of childhood sexual abuse or any kind of sexual assault The Submission phase of the In-quiry officially ended late February 2009
MS Did you have the opportunity to testify before the Inquiry
SJ I did not personally testify before the Inquiry Testimony was generally limited to the people ac-tually involved mdash police officers vic-tims what not I was involved in the Inquiry with regards to a panel discussionroundtable that they had regarding the use of confiden-tiality agreements
MS As you probably know Male-Survivor was first founded in the early 1980s by a group of thera-pists who were concerned about support for victims of childhood
sexual abuse and although Male-Survivor is still not a very large or-ganization it has increased its in-fluence significantly over the years and Irsquom wondering whether there is a similar non-profit or other group in Canada that also is dedi-cated to helping victims of child-hood sexual abuse
SJ There are some grass roots organizations that deal with victims of childhood sexual abuse or adult sexual assault I donrsquot believe there is as cohesive a unit as MaleSurvi-vor I may be wrong on that but there are smaller more community based organizations that assist sur-vivors That being said resources available to survivors are unfortu-nately pretty limited
MS Is that because there are too few therapists in that form of prac-tice
SJ I think itrsquos a mixture of many different things First of all Canada has a much smaller population base mdash 30 million people as com-pared to 300 million in the United States mdash so you have significantly fewer people affected and there-fore you have significantly fewer resources available to those people The services that we do have will often have very long waiting lists before people can access them There are some very very good counselors in Canada assisting sur-vivors but unfortunately the waiting lists are sometimes long and the availability for public funding to provide services free of charge is somewhat limited
MS Is there anything in your opinion about the Canadian health
February 2009
Page 45
system that contributes to the scar-city of services
SJ I donrsquot know if itrsquos the Cana-dian health system I think that in Canada we have a pretty good public health system in the sense that anybody who needs medical services can access those services free of charge The problem is that a lot of these services are not covered under our health system per se Many are covered under either private plans or pay as you go type services and itrsquos just a question of finding the people who can provide these services and being lucky enough to get them when they either donrsquot have a waiting list or other-wise having to wait until your name comes up on that waiting list
MS And that could takes years in some cases it seems
SJ My understanding is that those waiting lists can be quite long but there are very good peo-ple out there Itrsquos just a question of finding them and being able to afford them
MS Can you elaborate on other differences between the US and Canada that affect the way survi-vors and perpetrators are treated by the legal system and the media
SJ The differences between Can-ada and the US are really huge On the surface Americans and Canadi-ans look pretty much the same dress the same talk the same eat the same foods and by and large watch the same TV but culturally there is a huge difference in the way we look at the world in the
way our legal system works and the way that people interact with one another
Americans are much more litigious by na-ture I think this is due to the fact that in the United States mdash at least as seen from the outside mdash the rights of the individual are paramount In Can-ada less so Canada is much more commu-nity-oriented We of-tentimes think about how something is going to affect others instead of looking at what an individual might be entitled to I think that the high
damage awards available through the American legal system are beneficial in sexual abuse cases as is the lack of a cap on awards which we have
In some ways though our legal system is much better for my cli-ents than the US system would be because of the way that our actual process works One of the things that I know is very damaging to a lot of plaintiffs in the United States is the whole discovery process tak-
ing depositions Depositions can go on for a huge number of days and pretty much everybody in the per-sonrsquos life can be called to give a deposition That is very troubling and painful for people who donrsquot necessarily want others to know about their abuse or donrsquot want to involve their family Here in Canada depositions mdash or what we call the examination for discovery mdash are lim-ited to the actual named parties in the lawsuit The defendant and the plaintiff are examined for discovery or deposed if you will Anyone who is not an actual party to the litiga-tion can only be discovered under court orders and itrsquos very difficult to get those court orders so in that sense itrsquos a much quicker cleaner process and less intrusive on some-onersquos life So that is probably a good thing
The other really huge difference between the two systems which I think does in fact impact on why a lot of these cases settle as opposed to going to court and oftentimes settle for very different amounts of money than they would if they went to court is that in Canada we have a ldquoloser paysrdquo system If you go to court and you lose you have to pay at least a portion of the fees incurred by the other side Letrsquos say the defendantrsquos settlement offer is $100000 If the plaintiff does not accept that $100000 and at trial the plaintiff gets $99000 then the plaintiff has to pay the lawyerrsquos fees of the defendant because the award is less than the settlement offer That is very difficult That means that a lot of cases are set-tled for probably less money than
(Continued on page 46)
ldquoOn the surface
Americans and
Canadians look pretty
much the same hellip but
culturally there is a
huge difference in the
way we look at the
world in the way our
legal system works and
the way that people
interact with one
anotherldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 46
MS I join you in that hope Any-thing that can advance the cause of not only helping people but also helping prevent further abuses is always going to be welcome If you could set forth a vision of how you would like to see the law and the therapeutic community in Canada evolve to handle matters of child-
hood sexual abuse and sexual assault mdash if you could influence the reform of institu-tions what would your vision be
SJ Oh Richard Wow Well first and foremost I would love to raise public aware-ness of this issue for various reasons I think that increased public awareness will not necessarily reduce the instances of abuse but will help improve how abuse is dealt with when itrsquos ongoing and after-wards Itrsquos very im-portant that when a child is hurt that
child knows that he can go to peo-ple for help and support All too often if kids get up enough cour-age to tell someone the reaction they get is not very positive I think that with increased public aware-ness hopefully people will under-stand that there are ways to deal with this that will decrease the amount of harm so public aware-ness is paramount
I would like the legal system to raise compensation awards for sur-
turning point in bringing to the publicrsquos attention that the sexual assault of children can happen does happen and itrsquos a very diffi-cult thing for anyone to go through whether theyrsquore little boys or grown men that were abused as children It brought childhood sex-ual abuse out of the shadows to a certain extent The scandal still garners media attention as new survivors come forward but not the same as it did 10 years ago
MS Would you say that the lack of inves-tigative reporting is a cultural phenomenon or is it that the news-papers donrsquot feel they have that role
SJ Oh no Canadian newspapers do feel that they have a role in investigating things but for whatever rea-son sexual abuse of children has not been a priority The Cana-dian media really has not been at the forefront of this issue the way the media in the United States has been and I think that is tremen-dously disappointing The lack of media attention means that we arenrsquot fostering the awareness within the public that we need in order to provide real help and ser-vices for survivors We need the mediarsquos help to bring this horrific crime to light and to help stop it from happening
they would get if they went to court because that risk of going to court and not getting at least the amount of the original offer weighs heavily on everyone Our system is designed and geared toward avoid-ing trials which can be good be-cause nobody really wants to go through a trial but can be bad be-cause people become very intimi-dated by the prospect of losing or not getting as much as the settle-ment offer and being indebted to the defendant for a lot of money Thatrsquos a scary scary thing to go through
With regards to the media the US has a media that by and large has helped out a lot with sexual abuse cases The whole issue of clergy abuse really started with investiga-tive reporting by the Boston Globe right
MS Right
SJ They really took that issue and just ran with it Here in Canada we really havenrsquot had the same kind of investigative media cover-age as yoursquove had which is why events like the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal are not as huge as they are down in the States
Before Martin Kruze committed sui-cide the media was only somewhat interested in the Maple Leaf Gar-dens scandal Martin Kruze was a figure because he had sued the Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Com-plex But after he committed sui-cide the media was really galva-nized and that was probably a
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 45)
ldquoThe lack of media
attention means that we
arenrsquot fostering the
awareness within the
public that we need in
order to provide real
help and services for
survivors We need the
mediarsquos help to bring
this horrific crime to
light and to help stop it
from happeningrdquo
February 2009
Page 47
ments but it canrsquot at this stage really happen through the courts
I would want there to be an ability for institutions or perpetrators mdash de-fendants mdash to look beyond mere dollars and cents and look toward healing the person that they have hurt either directly or indirectly All too often in these cases we really become tied up in the legal minu-tiae of things as opposed to defen-dants saying ldquoOK letrsquos step back here and letrsquos try to helprdquo
I wish that there were a real under-standing that these cases are not car accident cases and they should
not be treated as car accident cases My clients are not people whorsquove broken a leg and therefore need X amount of dollars in order to pay for medical services or whatnot And unfortu-nately that doesnrsquot necessarily happen
In terms of the thera-peutic community I would love to see counseling and therapy ses-sions be paid for through the pub-lic purse so that people who re-quire the services of highly-skilled counselors and therapists and psy-chologists can access those services without having to pay for them A lot of clients just donrsquot have the economic means to pay for such services until after they get a set-tlement and that could take years It would be wonderful to see those kinds of services funded the same way as a trip to the emergency room or a trip to your family doc-tor for a cold is funded Irsquod love to
vivors The amount of damage that can be done as a result of child-hood abuse or in fact any kind of sexual assault is tremendous It affects almost every aspect of someonersquos life It becomes inter-generational because it affects the people around the survivor and compensation awards are still very much a pale reflection of what is needed in order to help these peo-ple I hope that at some point our judges and our legislature under-stand that need and can corre-spondingly give appropriate and reasonable damage awards so that people can start to rebuild their lives in a meaningful way
I would love there to be an opportunity within our civil system for more than just compensation At this stage the only thing that a civil judge can do is award monetary compensation There are a lot of creative things that you can do within a settlement that are not purely fi-nancial that can give a lot of sol-ace to someone who has been abused whether that be in the form of some non-financial healing whether it be in the form of a situation where somebody can con-front their abuser if thatrsquos what they wish to do in a safe setting or whether itrsquos the ability for that sur-vivor to do something outside of pure simple dollars and put for-ward some sort of healing plan that is as individual as they are That can happen through settle-
be able to see that I think that that would go a long way to helping people earlier rather than later
Ultimately I wish that this situation didnrsquot exist anymore and I would be put out of business frankly
MS Well I can certainly sympa-thize with the way you feel but it would seem that you have a career ahead of you dealing with this problem
SJ Unfortunately I think you are right I think that instances of child-hood sexual abuse are not neces-sarily going down I think that insti-tutions are getting a little bit better at putting in place policies and sometimes even following their own policies to stop pedophiles from entering those institutions and preying on people that those insti-tutions are theoretically set up to serve but I think that as long as the problem of childhood sexual abuse is with us I will be out there trying to help anybody that I can
MS Is there anything else yoursquod like to say to our readers
SJ I think that organizations such as MaleSurvivor are imperative in helping people understand that they are not alone that itrsquos not their fault and there are ways to get help So hats off to an organi-zation such as yours The clients I have who are involved in your or-ganization are very very well served so I have to thank you for being a resource
MS Thank you very much for your kind comments and for your time Simona
ldquoUltimately I wish that
this situation didnrsquot exist
anymore and I would be
put out of business
franklyrdquo
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-
Vol 2 No 2
Page 20
been chasing me the whole time and it was catching up
The lure of the big city called me and I began spending nights and weekends in Toronto Attempting to end the emptiness I began searching for ways to fill it I got hooked on drugs became an ad-dict I became hard Mean Nothing could touch me Fear couldnrsquot stand in my way The worst had already happened I thought what I was feeling was freedom but free was the farthest thing from the truth I was trapped trapped in anger and guilt and shame
The deep desire to be taken care of continued to force its way to the surface and take on new extremes My cutting habit that I had devel-
I left home at 16 I figured that anything was better than staying where I was This was going to be a new start for me It was going to be different this time I promised myself that I would make it
I was wrong Again
Life on your own at 16 is not an easy one mdash new city no friends barely any money Schools wouldnrsquot accept me apartments wouldnrsquot let a kid occupy a unit I was alone I was really alone this time It took
time but I eventually managed a bit of a life for myself and was able to get through high school but it didnrsquot come easy My past had
This Boyrsquos Life (Continued from page 19)
oped as a young teen had ex-ploded and I began to brutally beat myself in hopes that somebody would notice maybe take me to hospital Take care of me It didnrsquot work It never worked There was only one thing that worked sex
Hustling made me feel powerful Men would pay to be with me Itrsquos all I felt I was good at seducing men And it was a power that I so badly thought I needed As bad as I was treated the glimpse of con-trol that I felt was enough to keep me going back But all I was doing was allowing myself to be abused
over and over again It just lead me further and further down
The years passed and I lost all feeling I forgot how to feel I knew
A Sliver of Light copy 2009 Timothy Andrew
February 2009
Page 21
only three emotions happiness sadness and anger And it was the anger that consumed me Anything could set me off I was a ticking time-bomb I began to wonder if any sort of normal life would ever happen for me
I was ready to give up to accept that this was what God had planned for me but somewhere inside that messed up 20 year old head of mine there was a sliver of light the same light that was there when I was a child the light that only had to worry about sneaking a cookie up to bed And I knew that that tiny glimpse of light was the real me If I could find a way to broaden its beam I would be able to peel back all the layers of abuse and discover who I really am
I searched I called crisis lines I went to free therapy sessions I attempted to try to understand why I was like I was but I kept hitting dead ends Nobody seemed to know how to help me me a male survivor
Nothing would last The little help I did receive all faded All I really got were programs and information and books and flyers Then I found Lynne MacDonells number I called her late one night She agreed to meet with me and quickly got me
into her mens group ldquoA Time for Menrdquo
The group literally saved my life For the first time I knew I wasnt alone There were other men who had been through what I had been through and they genuinely cared for me It has been over three years
now and it is still difficult Although I have put an end to the coping mecha-nisms mdash the drugs and the cutting mdash itrsquos the feelings that still manage to give me a struggle As survivors we have to sort out our insides Our guts Our feelings All that stuff was ripped out mixed up and thrown back in when we were abused We have to retrain our brains learn how to think how to feel how to trust how to love At times I feel like Irsquom an emotional infant as if my body kept
growing after my uncle abused me but my mind didnrsquot That was the main issue when I finally decided that I needed to be on the path of recovery So I focused and I began
I look forward to those two hours every Monday night because I know I can say and share anything I want and I will not be judged I am safe there I am safe to peel back those layers of abuse and discover the real me who I was really meant to be not this husk of
a human being that I had been living as for so many years
Since joining the group I have finished university got my degree I am free of drugs and self-harming I have a good job and a much healthier lifestyle and I have come out with my secret about sexual abuse
I am not ashamed of who I am anymore It is a long and tough uphill battle and it is still far from over but I know that I have plenty of people helping me fight this battle Our group is more that just a support group We are a family a brotherhood of survivors deter-mined to help each other and spread the word
It was hope That light the real memdashit was hope As survivors some-times all we have to go on is hope and that is why we need to remem-ber that there is ALWAYS hope There never needs to be a dead end That tiny sliver of light exists in all of us you just have to find it
ldquoAs survivors
sometimes all we have
to go on is hope and
that is why we need to
remember that there is
ALWAYS hope There
never needs to be a
dead end That tiny
sliver of light exists in
all of us you just have
to find itrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 22
My Story
by Bruce M
A s I start to write this article I find myself sitting in front of the house where I was
first sexually abused I donrsquot know why I am here but I am Perhaps it is my way of being in control which I certainly wasnrsquot for a very long time It was really not that long ago before I avoided this area of the city entirely mdash never mind sitting on the street in front of the home where I was sexually as-
saulted
I am now 42 years old and have a partner who supports me more than I could have ever asked for I am in love and
although I thought I loved others before now I really know what love is For many years I was so secretly dysfunctional that most people were under the impression that I had it all together but that was furthest from the truth I was a good actor
I grew up in a middle class suburb of Toronto I was the youngest of three kids I was diagnosed with ADD and was given Ritalin to ldquosettle me downrdquo I think that Ritalin was an easy out for my parents I needed more one on one interac-tion and understanding rather than a drug regimen which suited their
needs I clearly remember my pe-diatrician back then coaching my parents on what I needed mdash and many of his recommendations went ignored In their minds it seemed that all I needed was Ritalin
I had very few true friends Most people found my hyperactivity to be too much My mother was a practicing alcoholic (thankfully sober for about 28 years now) and my father was nothing short of physically abusive mdash mainly to my sister and me but also to my brother from what I understand My father had out-bursts of rage during which he would beat me with a dog leash and his fist Once he shoved my head down a toilet and told me that is where I belonged I donrsquot know if many people could appreciate how horrible it was to be told that As long as I live I will never for-get how I felt when he said that
When I was 12 years old I was enrolled in basketball That year I excelled and my team ended up winning the champion-ship This was a great confidence boost that I really needed I had finally found something that I was good at The second year was not so great My assistant basketball
coach was a sexual predator who saw a shy and troubled boy in me and decided that he would look after his own needs This guy was a medical doctor so he knew what he was doing and started what I now understand was a very intense grooming process He talked to me about my hyperactivity my motherrsquos alcoholism and my fatherrsquos abuse As I remember back he brought these things up often while he was getting to know me
After a period of time he invited me to his home one day on the pretence of my coming over to rake leaves Once there he invited me to his basement where he
Moving On
Bruce M
Bruce M during the time of his abuse
February 2009
Page 23
matum He said that if I would not come to his house we could no longer be friends I donrsquot know how I did it but I decided that I did not want to go to his house and that was the end of that I now know that he went on to find an-other victim
For nearly the next two decades I struggled with life To add insult to injury I knew that I was a gay male and after the abuse I figured that this was what a gay relation-ship was like and I didnrsquot want it I lacked direction with almost everything I did For a while I was practically homeless because I was staying with one friend after another putting myself in situations where I could be abused again and again I was con-stantly haunted with
guilt because I was sure that the man who abused me was abusing other boys
Finally one day I came forward and told the police about my abuse They charged this man and I quickly learned that this perpetra-tor was one of the nastiest that I have come across to this day He had deep pockets and fought ruthlessly I was followed by private investigators my friends were approached by private investigators
made it clear that his gentle kind supportive ways would have a cost to me I remember hating the experience This disgusting smelling man was more than repulsive Would you believe that I went back Well I did Most other vic-tims of sexual abuse will under-
stand why better than those who have not been there I wanted to be cared for and listened to so badly that for a while I just put up with the abuse This guy came to my school at lunch and let me drive his car around the back streets I was too young and imma-ture to realize that this was not a kind gesture but more grooming that would give him access to what he wanted Eventually he got an-noyed that I would avoid going to his house so he gave me an ulti-
for interviews and he hired some of Canadarsquos best attorneys to get him out of his charges When I went to court to testify at a prelimi-nary trial he had people there to threaten me in the halls of the court and the bathrooms The criminal case went on and on and eventually to the Supreme Court of Canada for a ruling about my con-sent All in all it has been a very intense process which went on so long that the case was thrown out because of delay He is still not out of hot water because the College of Physicians and Surgeons went after him and I had to testify at that hearing too which is still going on to this day
Last fall I completed my third Weekend of Recovery and al-though I have been in private ther-apy for close to four years and have been a part of a menrsquos group in Toronto nothing compares to the results that I achieved from attending the Weekends of Recov-ery The weekend program and the connections that I made with other guys and therapists have been instrumental in giving me a push forward allowing me to have some happiness and a meaningful rela-tionship which I was never able to have before
Life is not perfect but I can tell you that it is so much better than it was a few years ago and it is getting better all the time
Bruce M during the time of his abuse
Vol 2 No 2
Page 24
nor injury well that was his cue He took me into a medical room and closed the door He examined my knee and soon the subject changed That was the first time that I was sexually assaulted
Over the years this repulsive man be-came my coach in both hockey and baseball He was a central figure at the arena and the base-ball diamond He was the one involved in all the fundraisers and came to be known as ldquothe guy who would do any-thing for the kidsrdquo Most of the parents loved him mdash but not mine He drank with parents partied with them all while he ldquotook carerdquo of us kids
The first time I was abused at the arena I told someone older than I I did so again when I was 15 What was I to do Neither time did the adults take appropriate action and you guessed it everything was swept under the carpet So I did the only thing I knew how to do mdash I stuffed it
Growing up was a difficult time for me because of the abuse and the fact that I suffered with ADHD and anxiety (undiagnosed at the time) My sisters did well in school how-ever I didnrsquot I would work my tail off get a ldquoCrdquo and then would be told to work harder or asked if I
A Victim No More
by Glenn Allan
M y name is Glenn Allan and I grew up in Stoney Creek Ontario Canada
By all rights I should have been dead years ago I am a recovering alcoholic and cocaine addict and I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse I donrsquot want my story to become an ldquoabuse or addiction-aloguerdquo so I wonrsquot get into graphic details or talk about every abusive situation
Please keep an open mind as this is my story
I was wel-comed into a loving yet dysfunctional family in February of 1964 I have four sisters
nine nieces and nephews two great-nieces and one great-nephew My story begins around the age of seven I loved skating and playing hockey I was always told ldquoYoursquove gotta practice to get betterrdquo and so I did I would play as much ice and road hockey as I could and my sis-ters would take me public skating It was at public skating that my abuser first spotted me and as-saulted me I fell during one of those skating sessions and hurt my knee My abuser was a skating monitor that day and when I needed medical attention for a mi-
were dumb My frustrations grew mdash if only they knew that there was a hurting little boy inside But I was a boy who was too afraid to say that he hurt or to cry mdash because ldquobig boys donrsquot cryrdquo I would get teased at home about being stupid or
asked ldquoWhy donrsquot you try harderrdquo
I couldnrsquot defend my-self verbally with my parents because that would have been ldquotalking backrdquo There were times when I would be so angry at them for picking on me for little things and I would think to myself ldquoYou are yell-ing at me for this while he (the abuser) is doing that to merdquo
Talk about frustration and built up rage I was a walking volcano I would fight all the time whether it was at school playing hockey or baseball it really didnrsquot matter why mdash all I knew was I was MAD
Over the years I slowly lost my self-esteem and self-worth I wanted to be anybody but me I idolized ath-letes like Bobby Orr Bobby Clarke and Pete Rose because of their dedication and work ethic Being a class clown I loved comedians (Steve Martin Richard Pryor Robin Williams Johnny Carson) and the entertainer in me loved singers (Elvis) and wanted so badly to be them Then maybe people would like me because there was abso-lutely no way anyone could really
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Glenn Allan
ldquoMy frustrations grewmdash
if only they knew that
there was a hurting little
boy inside But I was a
boy who was too afraid
to say that he hurt or to
crymdashbecause lsquobig boys
donrsquot cryrsquordquo
February 2009
Page 25
like or love me with the things my abuser had made me do
Because of the trauma of being abused I wet the bed until I was about 12 years of age which drained any remaining self-worth or self-esteem that I had left I was so embarrassed And then I had to tolerate ridiculous comments from people saying things like ldquoYou know that you are going to have to stop thisrdquo and ldquoYou are getting too old for thisrdquo No kidding really Did they think that I liked waking up in my own urine Did they not think that I wanted to stop Did they have any idea how their words hurt me Man oh man it was like that all the time They just didnrsquot think before they spoke
Frustrated and over-whelmed in my teens I finally found the ldquofriendrdquo that I had been looking for mdash first name ldquoALrdquo last name ldquoCOHOLrdquo I would be-come a whole new person when I drank booze and how I drank I found a brand new confidence I was somewhat funny when I drank dur-ing the early years of drinking however over time I became de-pressed and extremely angry I would fight in bars on a regular basis Then in December of 1987 I was stabbed outside a bar and nearly died Now you would think that being stabbed and nearly dy-ing would prompt a lifestyle
change or at the very least cause me to take a personal inventory of my situation and myself But not me I wore it as a badge of honour allowing the insanity to continue
It is said that if the drugs and alco-hol donrsquot kill you the lifestyle will During this time and over the years I was introduced to many criminals Their crimes ranged from murder assaults extortion and drug dealing to running massage parlours and prostitution mdash to just name a few One of my acquaint-ances was even a hired killer He
actually assassinated two reputed crime bosses in Ontario and is now serving a lengthy sentence for those and other killings
But I was drawn to their so-called power and complete disregard for the law Looking back on it I guess I was looking to reclaim the power
that was stolen from me by my abuser
In my early twenties I got a job working with Young Offenders as a Correctional Officer With the money I was making I bought a very nice sports car dated pretty women was extremely materialistic and yet I was never satisfied I worked in corrections for about four years During that time I also began my career in the world of entertainment as a voice impres-sionist and stand-up comedian as well as a co-host of a comedy tele-
vision show I had a tremendous ego and unknowingly had be-come rdquoThe Great I Amrdquo
After a couple of years I moved from comedy to producing and host-ing my own sports television program which aired for ten years I had so much fun and I was able to meet and interview some of sportsrsquo big-gest names
In my mid-20s when the alcohol wasnrsquot medicating my pain any longer I turned to
something stronger mdash COCAINE During a span of approximately ten years the combination of alcohol cocaine and all my poor choices cost me most of my jobs many of my relationships and all my money It drove me to criminal activity po-lice charges a conviction and a criminal record But most of all I
(Continued on page 26)
Alone Uncredited Photo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 26
was lost Glenn was slowly dying inside me I became depressed and despondent and I hated so many people But most of all I hated my-self
I had attempted suicide on a few occasions and I really and truly had a death wish I hated myself so much that on Friday January 16 1998 loaded with a supply of co-caine and booze I booked myself into a hotel room with no intention of coming out alive Friday night and Saturday passed with me drinking and getting high on co-caine After having more cocaine delivered to me on Sunday after-noon there was no turning back mdash or so I thought Approximately at midnight on Sunday I made my final decision mdash it was time for me to leave this stinking world I ingested enough cocaine to kill me and then I barricaded my hotel door and ripped the phone out of the wall I lay down on the bed defeated broken sad guilt-ridden ashamed depressed and scared yet so ready to die
Only Divine Intervention mdash some sort of miracle mdash can explain what hap-pened next The police came into my hotel room at just the right time on Sunday night and took me to the hospital Who called them how did they know to come to my room I donrsquot know Well thatrsquos not completely true Today I am a man of faith and as a Christian I know exactly who orchestrated my rescue
A Victim No More (Continued from page 25)
After a brief stay in the hospital I chose to enter the Hamilton Menrsquos Withdrawal Management Centre where I spent eleven days From there I entered an intensive addic-tion treatment centre for a six-week stay followed by a five and one half month stay at a recovery house
I have been clean and sober since Janu-ary 19 1998
I work the program of recovery intensely I was blessed with some incredible therapists who were able to break through my trust issues my rough exterior and my wall of comedy to allow me to heal I also became involved in the 12-Steps and other support groups through which I have found tremendous friendships and men-toring
Recovery is about making changes Al-though my abuser assaulted me until I was 15 years old I blamed him for all of my problems until I was 33 years old I had to change from being a pro-fessional blamer and liar to a man of responsibility character and in-tegrity It wasnrsquot easy however after many tears and lots of hard work life has gotten much better
Over time and through applying these principles I found peace se-renity and forgiveness and I also
learned how to love myself again Everything that was set in motion to harm me as a young man is now what drives me With Godrsquos help today I am able to live humbly honestly open-minded and willing to do whatever it takes to stay clean and sober while doing what I can to help others who face similar
struggles
Today I serve the Ca-nadian Centre for Abuse Awareness as the Director of the Southwestern Ontario office My mission at hand is to create a task force that will be responsible for build-ing a residential pro-gram for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
I am also the Execu-tive Producer and Host of three popular television programs Good News Sports The Edge and Living Clean Living Clean is the only live weekly interactive television program in Canada
that is designed to assist individu-als who suffer with addiction abuse andor mental illnesses
I also host The Glenn Allan Show on a local radio station in Hamil-ton ON Canada
As a motivational speaker my pres-entation entitled Youth Yak Live has enabled me to speak to thou-sands of youth nationwide since 2000 Through Youth Yak Live I
ldquoRecovery is about
making changes
Although my abuser
assaulted me until I was
15 years old I blamed
him for all of my
problems until I was 33
years old I had to
change from being a
professional blamer and
liar to a man of
responsibility character
and integrity
February 2009
Page 27
Male Survivor Groups (MSG)
By Robert Beacuterubeacute Co-founder MSG
M ale Survivor Groups (MSG) was created by a group of male survivors
of childhood sexual abuse follow-ing the death of a fellow survi-vor in Lon-don Ontario Canada The initial objec-tives were to foster cama-raderie and support for one another and also to obtain proper help
for survivors in the London area
Presently our aim is to help all male survivors and also to make our cause known It is open to all male survivors of childhood ado-lescent and adult abuse We have expanded and have supported the creation of groups across Canada and we are prepared to support the creation of groups throughout the World
Groups have been established in London Vancouver Sudbury and North Bay in Canada
Our beliefs
1 Our groups are for male survi-vors of abuse What is said in the group remains there What is stated must remain confiden-
have developed tremendous work-ing relationships with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police Ontario Provincial Police Crime Stoppers local police agencies young of-fender facilities churches self-help groups and alcohol and drug treatment centres
I also facilitate a weekly peer sup-port group for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
There was a time when I thought I would never get married and that no one could love me for who I am Colleen and I met in 1999 We both have similar pasts We both have worked through our abuse issues and are both clean and so-ber In 2001 my best friend and I married and we now have three beautiful children Ashley Brandon and Christopher Spending the rest of my life with Colleen and our family is a dream come true
The opportunity of sharing Godrsquos gifts and blessings with others is truly an honour and a privilege It is imperative that I never take these things for granted
If I can assist you or someone dear to you please donrsquot hesitate to contact me at the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness Ph 905-594-1581 or email glennccfaacom or visit these websites
wwwabusehurtscom wwwlivingcleanca wwwglennallanca
or write to me co CCAA 38 King St East PO Box 66614 Stoney Creek ON L8G 5E5
(Continued from page 26)
tial Anonymity is of the utmost importance unless the survivor has gone public But intimate details of the public person must also remain confidential Confidentiality must be assured
2 We are in the group to heal and to support each other
3 We are male survivors who want to heal and help others in the process We can be as young as 16 or as old as old can be
4 Our primary purpose is our own safe being Secondary purposes are the betterment of services for male survivors and the advancement of our cause
5 We fight on so that we may grow in solidarity
6 We are not a religious group We do use different models of functioning in our different sub-groups Ours is a healing group for more than one prob-lematic issue
7 We encourage partnerships with organisations businesses and agencies that foster the creation of services for male survivors of abuse
We have created a Facebook Group which is also open to FRIENDS who support our cause Our group is establishing partnerships with other male survivor groups in Canada and worldwide You can contact us through the Facebook page or by emailing me at berube55yahooca
Support Groups
Robert Beacuterubeacute
Vol 2 No 2
Page 28
The CCAA By Ellen Campbell [ellenccfaacom]
Founder and Executive Director Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness
A s some of you know the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness (CCAA) is a
national non-government charitable organization dedicated to eliminat-ing child abuse through advocacy education public awareness and prevention programs With help from community and corporate partners the CCAA provides accessible support healing and indi-vidual empowerment for adult survivors their fami-lies and caregivers through over 20 programs Those that listen to classic rock station Q107 in the To-ronto region will recognize us as their charity of choice through Derringerrsquos Thir-teen Days of Christmas campaign
Based in Newmarket On-tario the CCAA is an active and vibrant organization that in addition to its variety of program offer-ings is also involved in public safety advocacy That advo-cacy started with the early release from prison of one of the perpetra-tors in the Maple Leaf Gardensrsquo child sex abuse scandal Many surviving victims were traumatized again this time by the system The
CCAA went public with its concerns that day and the public safety advocacy program was born
Later the CCAA wrote a sweeping report titled Martinrsquos Hope named in memory of Martin Kruze (the first victim to courageously go public with the story of his abuse at the Gardens and who later tragi-cally took his own life) that made 60 recommendations for legislative and policy change to the criminal justice system These recommenda-tions were gleaned from round-
table discussions with over 150 front-line criminal justice system professionals crime victims and survivors To this day members of the Kruze family sit on the CCAA Board of Directors
After the initial public release of the Martinrsquos Hope report in the fall of 2003 I knew that if repairs were to be made to the criminal justice system advocacy would have to be accelerated That advocacy began in earnest in early 2006 with the hiring of John Muise a volunteer with the CCAA and previously a Toronto police officer with signifi-cant experience in legislative and policy advocacy The hire coincided with new political winds blowing in Ottawa The CCAArsquos full-time public
safety program was born
Relationships already in existence were strength-ened new ones were made and the CCAA intensified its advocacy with politi-cians stakeholders and other decision makers In addition the CCAA courted media attention recogniz-ing the opportunity to get our message out
That advocacy included the preparation of written briefs in support of testi-mony before a number of decision making bodies including several appear-ances before the House of Commons Justice Commit-tee
ADVOCACY REWARDED The last three years have brought success on a number of fronts Progress on the criminal justice reform front is rarely if ever the result of one person or just one organization advocating for
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoMartinrsquos Hoperdquo in Memory of Martin Arnold Kruze From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 29
government Although there are specific circumstances under which the age of consent is 16 (or 18) the general age of consent remained at 14 For many in the child protection
world this has been a shame of what is otherwise a devel-oped and civilized land The fight is finally over with the passage and Royal Assent of this legisla-tion in July of 2008 This is a victory for the many people that fought the good fight and most importantly this law allows prose-cution of those adult predators who choose to sexually exploit 14
and 15 year old children
Review of federal corrections policy
In 2007 the federal government ordered an independent review of the federal corrections and parole system The CCAA attended the announcement of that review and subsequently appeared before the review team and provided detailed written recommendations for change The final report included a number of recommendations that the CCAA provided including those contained in Martinrsquos Hope A rollout of some report recommen-dations has already started includ-ing a pilot project for the use of electronic monitoring on serious and violent offenders who are on parole in communities
(Continued on page 30)
Dangerous offenders Having someone declared a dan-gerous offender is very difficult to do In fact there are fewer then 400 declared dangerous offenders in the country This amendment makes it easier to bring a dangerous offender application for a serious repeat con-victed offender before the court The end result should be we hope the detection and declaration of more dangerous offenders Dangerous offender designation is for life and results in indefinite lock-up of the offender with periodic judicial reviews
Community protection orders
Also known as ldquoSection 810rdquo orders they allow the state to monitor the activities of certain subjects mdash no longer under some form of sen-tence or other judicial release but still considered a danger mdash to be placed on a judicial order similar to a bail with control and monitoring conditions The legislation explicitly expands the controls that can be usedmdashfor example electronic moni-toringmdashand extends the length of the order from one year to two
Age of protection For longer than people care to remember advocates have fought to raise the general age of consent from 14 to 16 years of age Until recently those voices have been largely ignored by the federal
change but no one can deny the important roll played by the CCAA in advancing these reforms These are all original recommendations contained in the Martinrsquos Hope report The results as they say speak for themselves and include but are not limited to the follow-ing
Mandatory minimum sentences for Internet chi ld abuse offences
Over time courts have increasingly relied on so called ldquohouse arrestrdquo provisions (see section immediately below) when sentencing offenders found guilty of Internet child abuse and similar kinds of serious child exploitation offences The sen-tences were often way out of pro-portion to the gravity of the crimes Minimum sentences were legislated for a variety of crimes with the net effect of eliminating the ability of the court to impose ldquohouse arrestrdquo
Conditional sentences of imprisonment
Better known as ldquohouse arrestrdquo this measure brought in over a decade ago was being imposed by the courts for ever more serious of-fenders and offences Many violent and dangerous offenders were allowed to serve their term of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo at home Justice and public safety were compro-mised by this provision Although the Bill that finally passed was watered down significantly by opposition party demands the end result was a tightening of the cir-cumstances under which a sen-tence of this kind could be given
ldquoAfter the initial public
release of the Martinrsquos
Hope report in the fall
of 2003 I knew that if
repairs were to be made
to the criminal justice
system advocacy would
have to be acceleratedrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 30
munity committees and inquiries including the Federal Inquiry pre-sided over by Justice Major into the Air India bombing
Moving forward We are delighted to report that John Muise our Director of Public Safety has recently received a Governor-in-council appointment as a full-time member of the Na-tional Parole Board effective in May of 2009 Although this is a big loss
for the CCAA we are thrilled for John and we know that he will bring the same com-mitment to public safety in that position as he did with the CCAA We wish him the very best in this new and challenging role
Much progress has been made in the past three years with
more anticipated The federal gov-ernment has signaled its intention to finish the work it started and attempt a further repeal of condi-tional sentences of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo They have also said that they in-tend on amending certain aspects of parole legislation and moving on tightening up security (including drug interdiction) in federal prisons
As we kick off 2009 the CCAA has the following priorities
Enhanced training for law enforcement off icers involved in chi ld abuse
investigations The introduction of provincial ldquosafe havenrdquo legislation that would pro-
vide a distressed mother who has given birth (within 72 hours) to take her baby to a place of safety (for example fire station police station hospital emergency) no questions asked and drop the baby off The purpose is to avoid the unthinkable mdash dumpster aban-donment murder at birth This legislation exists in all 50 of the United States but has yet to to be introduced in this country
Parole reform In addition the CCAA will work with partners on two parole and corrections recommendations They include legislating breach of parole as an offence for which a police officer has a power of arrest Com-plimentary to this the replacement of statutory release (automatic release after serving two thirds of a sentence) with regular earned parole Both recommendations were included in the final report of the Corrections Review Team and had been provided with others by the CCAA
We at the CCAA believe that much has been done on the criminal justice reform and public awareness front We are grateful for the pro-gress thus far and proud of the part we have played in moving the public safety agenda along
There is still much work to be done and the CCAA will step up to carry on this most important work
Selection of judges In recognition of the importance of the justice selection process the federal government has recently expanded the scope of people selected to sit on the regional Judicial Advisory Committees tasked with vetting potential ap-pointments and providing recom-mendations to the federal Attorney General and Minister of Justice for final selection Although still dominated by judges and lawyers a wider variety of voices and minds is now part of the selection proc-ess This is welcome news I am one of those voices I sit on one of the regional committees itrsquos an appointment we can all be proud of
Gun crime and other victim focused matters
Although outside the specific man-date of the CCAA (and not included in the Martinrsquos Hope report) in recognition of the impact on com-munities and particularly at risk children and youth the CCAA also appeared before the House of Commons Committee in support of mandatory minimum sentences for serious gun crimes and for amend-ments that tighten up the bail system for those charged with serious gun-related offences
In addition several crime victim supportive briefs were prepared for a number of safe school and com-
The CCAA (Continued from page 29)
ldquoWe at the CCAA hellip are
grateful for the progress
thus far and proud of
the part we have played
in moving the public
safety agenda alongrdquo
February 2009
Page 31
higher than its current statistical significance would suggest I would suggest itrsquos about one in four of the men I deal with 25 compared to the 16 suggested in the cur-rent literature If you allow for the fact that many of the men I work with have come from dysfunctional families that have been dysfunc-tional for generations the higher rate of incidence will hardly be surprising
I really had no idea when I started this job that I would have a head-
on collision with CSA No idea at all I was in my pre-survivor life My own past experi-ences were like a dormant volcano Sure some smoke would puff out every now and then for no readily apparent rea-son but no major eruption But as I heard more and more stories told by men in their own abyss of despair and self loath-ing things started to bubble within me
I remember the first man who disclosed to me He did not really intend to He started to tell part of a story and I just knew I just knew What he did say was part of an institutional abuse situa-tion that gained public awareness in the media After that story broke many men came forward as well to tell their story of how they too were abused as boys in a school
Inside
By Geeders (Jim)
W hen I was first asked to write about my experi-ences working in a jail I
wasnrsquot really sure what I could say about it Can I say this or should I say that Was it going to be really negative or show promise of better days ahead And what about me mdashthe new me mdash dealing with issues of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) at the same time as the men I see and work with How the hell was (or is) that going to work Well it is a work in progress after all and one that seems to evolve as I change and as I become more comfortable with my own sense of a new self
Let me begin by saying that there is nothing in this article that would meet the rigours of clinical dissection Equally important I do not work with sexual offenders What I am going to say is purely my experience based on personal observation No scientific analysis can be attributed to it apart from what we already know or suspect One in six men will have been sexually assaulted or abused by the time they are 18 It has long been opined that the number of abused men is actually
setting that was really a cover for juveniles in trouble with the law
The inmate I was working with did not come forward at that time He couldnrsquot His disclosure to me was the first time he had ever said anything about his abuse No one else knew mdash no one He was alone His pain was palpable and obvious His shame and guilt were profound Never had he admitted to himself what had happened in that school let alone admitted to a total stranger until that very moment I listened to his pain tried to console him just let him cry Eventually over the course of a couple of interviews it became obvious to me why he was in jail Any self-esteem that he had as a boy or young man was destroyed by his abuse His very essence was rewritten by the men who had abused him Teens get into trouble but they can also learn to later stay out of it by fol-lowing the teachings of those they trust But for this young man his ability to trust was destroyed by the very people who were sup-posed to care for him nurture him and dare I say it love him appro-priately What was even more tragic is that this man came from a cul-ture that has low tolerance for anything that even remotely resem-bles homosexuality
Being abused sent this man on a downward spiral that ultimately turned him into a drug addict by his own admission a junkie who hated himself for what ldquohe had
(Continued on page 32)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoOver the course of
several related careers I
have seen a lot of good
being done Irsquove also
seen a lot of ugliness
that even by todayrsquos
standards defies the
most common
sensibilities we have as
human beingsldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 32
donerdquo His shame and guilt and culture prevented him saying any-thing about what happened It cut him off from any legal action that might take place and removed any sort of financial compensation that he might gain as a result of his abuse It eventually cut him off from his own family because his drug abuse prevented him from working and supporting his wife and family It destroyed his ability to be a good dad and husband A few years later I saw him back in jail again
When I did encounter him again it was with an in-creased sense of awareness within me Every time a man disclosed to me that he had been sexually abused or assaulted I started to die inside A little piece of me just died every time a man said to me what I could not say to myself or anyone else That dormant volcano started to fume a bit more regularly
Over the course of several related careers I have seen a lot of good being done Irsquove also seen a lot of ugliness that even by todayrsquos standards defies the most common sensibilities we have as human beings It exists Itrsquos around every corner if we choose to look at it Along with the ugly we have the good We have people who are willing to take a stand and come forward to say to the world ldquoWe
Inside (Continued from page 31)
have a problem here itrsquos not going to go away and it needs to be fixedrdquo I had the good fortune to meet many of these people last year at a conference on male sex-ual victimization By then I had been able to learn from the men that I serve that perhaps I too could learn to tell someone Could I be a survivor too
Men in jail are there for a reason Whether itrsquos to protect society while they await trial or from
themselves or while sentenced they are here Whether I think they should be here is irrelevant They are usually at the end of their ropes Their lives are upside down and in turmoil They are frequently in withdrawal from illicit drug use They are in the bottom of a pit from which there does not appear to be an escape or refuge They are desperate and will act desperately
if needed They are angry and no longer have any control over their lives Someone has taken that control away from them They have no choice but to comply Failure to comply results in loss of privileges which can include being prohibited from contact with those they love the most Forced co-habitation with other men can evoke strong memories of prior abuse which they cannot deal with let alone understand It can be isolation
They are alone and cannot speak about their issues for fear of being discovered and further stigmatized and trau-matized by a peer group that cannot tolerate differences or diversity
I have been fortunate in that for some reason men trust me and feel safe and able to disclose And when they do you can see the relief on their faces They are scared for sure but it has always seemed to be a relief I have to ask them I have no choice because itrsquos part of my job But now as a survivor myself I can tell them they are not alone I cannot tell them about me but I can tell them they are not alone that they
are among the approximately one in six men who are assaulted or abused when they are boys or young men I can tell them about the few resources we have avail-able for men which are a 100 improvement compared to what they had when they first walked into my office I tell them about MaleSurvivor and have MS posters up in my office I can tell them that
ldquoTougher than lsquoNamrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 33
Maybe not I prefer to think that I have shown them that there is hope There is life in being a survi-vor they donrsquot have to be held hostage any longer by a secret that was put upon them by an abuser I prefer to think that I have been able to show them that they do not have to be ashamed for being male When I speak with them Irsquom a straight shooter I calls rsquoem as I sees lsquoem I use words they can understand mdash street language mdash which helps them understand their bodies and to understand that Mother Nature made them to be reactive and responsive I tell them that simply because their bodies reacted that their bodies re-sponded while being abused did not make the abuse their fault It takes a while to get there at times But the relief when the penny drops and they realize that they themselves were in no way respon-sible for the abuse is quite remark-able
Just this week Irsquove been working with a man who actually smiled when he came into my office He said ldquoI finally get it It wasnrsquot my faultrdquo He then went on to tell me that immediately prior to his at-tending in my office he had just disclosed to his sister while on the phone in his jail area surrounded by other inmates While it was perhaps not the safest venue for a disclosure he made his own deci-sion He said he was taking control As a 35 year old this man has not been in control since he was first abused at age seven Subsequent abuse only reinforced for him that he was an object a thing not worth anything Relationship after relationship failed him as he con-tinued to relive issues of abandon-
there are over 6000 people regis-tered at MS and that when they get out they will find tremendous support at the MS website I can tell them about Weekends of Re-covery without disclosing that attending a WOR was one of the best things I have done with my life They will know that they are no longer alone And not once has anyone asked me directly about me If they did I could not reply which in a round about way is a reply But I cannot reply Why The institution that I work in can be as intolerant of differences and diver-sity as the inmates are of each other The whole notion of male abuse and assault simply does not exist It is not spoken of It will not be spoken of mdash until now
Because abuse is now spoken of I have been able to create a support network for inmates and for myself Itrsquos a small step but a step never-theless Itrsquos spoken of now at a level never before reached in terms of official support and direction Support has yet to be defined but I have a mandate now to do a better job for male survivors Itrsquos on paper Itrsquos my goal
Safety of all concerned has to remain first and foremost mdash safety for the inmate safety for me With inmates disclosing to me often for the first time I am struck by what happens next A huge can of worms is opened And for what There is little safety here little opportunity to follow up The court system tosses these men around like dice One day they are here the next they are God knows where Have I done something that perhaps I shouldnrsquot have Maybe
ment physical and sexual abuse sexual orientation confusion anger management substance abuse domestic violence self respect low self esteem boundaries mdash these and much more impact upon this man daily But hersquos making a start Itrsquos another chance We all need them
I would be remiss to not mention the support of my colleagues Some of them do know about me and they have been tremendously supportive and understanding They too share a belief that it is possible for men to become survivors I cannot imagine doing this work everyday without their ongoing support I love you guys
The resources I refer to are few the Menrsquos Project in Ottawa The Gate-house in Toronto as well as local sexual assault centres I discovered on my own road to recovery that our local sexual assault centre does in fact offer services to men but does not advertise this due to the fear of being inundated with refer-rals They simply are not equipped to handle what surely lies out in my community When the report of the Cornwall Inquiry comes out later this year it is my belief that it will force our government our society to re-examine how its treatment of boys and men is provided Hope-fully those who are like I was feeling alone fearful uncomfortable in their own skin will feel more enabled to come forward to shed that skin that was put on them by their abuser(s) and step out of the ordinary letting their souls ascend and become free
Vol 2 No 2
Page 34
A History of Male Survi-vor Services in Queacutebec
and First Nations Communities
By Caroline Benamza (dance and drama therapistpsychotherapist at CRIPHASE)
And by Benoicirct St Jean (Director of CRIPHASE)
Contact Tel +1-514-529-55-67 Email infocriphaseorg
Website wwwcriphaseorg
T he latest statistics in Queacutebec show that one out of every six men has been sexually
abused before the age of 18 but there are very few statistics regard-ing male survivors and this estima-tion is only based on reported abuse Most adult men or boys who are survivors go unnoticed because most of the services in Queacutebec are exclusively for women In 2008 the male population in Queacutebec was about 3800000 of which about 3000000 are above 20 years of age (from the Institut de la Statistique) Therefore we can estimate that in Queacutebec there are around 500000 male survivors actually visible within the different health care services justice system and police departments The num-ber is already frightening for a seemingly peaceful society like Queacutebec When it comes to Native American communities as many as 80 of boys have been sexually abused before the age of 18 This number is quite similar mdash but for different reasons mdash to the male population within the Federal or Provincial prisons
The reality of male survivors of sexual abuse in childhood has remained in the dark for years in Queacutebec and it is only in the last four years that the government has acknowledged the necessity of funding counseling services for male survivors Historically it can be explained The first services for survivors have been developed since the 1960s within the very strong Queacutebeacutecois feminist move-ments The women have built along the years a strong network of ser-vices for female vic-tims of sexual abuse and domestic vio-lence Today these services still exist as the CALACS (Centres dAide et de Lutte contre les Agressions agrave Caractegravere Sexuel = Sexual Assault Cen-tres) network for survivors of sexual abuse Due to a strong belief in pro-viding a safe haven for women survivors men were turned away from these services and had nowhere to go Only two survivorsrsquo centres in the Montreal area outside the CALACS network welcomed men but those men represent only 5 of clients
This situation became obvious when the CAVAC (Centre drsquoAide pour les Victime drsquoActes Criminels = Crime Victims Assistance Centres) started to provide counseling ser-
vices to victims of criminal acts who wished to press charges and go through a court procedure The first services in Queacutebec for male survivors therefore came from a strong need in the society In 1996 the CAVAC decided to fund an experimental program directed by Denis Reneacute to offer a support group for male survivors This program was named the PHASE Groups (Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = For Men Sexually Abused in Child-
hood) With the suc-cess of these first groups between 1996 and 1997 the CAVAC of Montreal tried to secure funding for the continuation of services Unfortu-nately the PHASE Groups suffered from the double status it carried within the government the Minister of Justice that was the main funder of the CAVAC refused to fund a counseling service supposedly to be funded by the Health Minister Later the Health Minister turned down the
funding because as part of CAVAC the program should have been funded by the Minister of Justice
So it was in 1997 that Denis Reneacute decided to secure the future of the PHASE Groups by registering them
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoWhen it comes to
Native American
communities as many
as 80 of boys have
been sexually abused
before the age of 18
This number is quite
similarmdashbut for different
reasonsmdashto the male
population within the
Federal or Provincial
prisonsrdquo
February 2009
Page 35
intimacy and sexuality issues) and PHASE Artistique (a 10 weeks art and movement therapy program) with a holistic approach to body and mind recovery
In 2008 the very first weekend of recovery (named PHASE Weekend) was created and CRIPHASE wishes to make the weekend an annual event In 2003 for the first time
CRIPHASE became a full member of the Table de Concertation en Agressions Sexuelles (a gathering of several organizations providing services to survivors in addition to representatives from the Justice the Health Minister and the police) This cooperation allows a better understanding of survivor issues and needs as well as a better coor-
within a non-profit organization that took the name CRIPHASE (Centre de Resources et drsquointervention Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = Resource and Intervention Centre for Men who have been Sexually Abused in Childhood) For 10 years the Groups have survived on pri-vate funding and have provided two recovery Groups called PHASE 1 and PHASE 2 Each PHASE is a 10-week program serving non-offending male survivors over 18 years of age and of all sexual orienta-tions With its first public funding in 2004 of $38000 a director was en-gaged by the board of administration and in 2008 the PSOC (a funding body within the agency of Health and Social Services) fi-nally secured the future of CRIPHASE with a first major funding rooting CRIPHASE in the circle of sexual abuse survivors centres
Since 2006 CRIPHASE has devel-oped a major politics of visibility through the media conferences and meetings with the different actors of the Queacutebeacutecois stage Three more programs have been developed within CRIPHASE PHASE Conjoint (for partners of male survivors) PHASE Sexo (a 10 weeks program of recovery focusing on
dination of services on the ground From within the Table CRIPHASE has been able to educate people on the issue of male survivors and participate or initiate projects such as the Information Guide for Sexual Assault Victims and the first pre-vention mobilization and aware-ness march for sexual abuse survi-vors in 2008 The presence of CRIPHASE at the Table has also
allowed the feminists within the CALACS to have a better under-standing of the suffer-ing of male survivors who are also victims in their own way of an old patriarchal system CRIPHASE was also finally incorporated in the CALACS coordina-tion groupmdashcalled Table des CALACS mdash in 2008
Until 2008 there were no services provided in English (Queacutebec is a French-speaking province where Eng-lish speakers are a minority) due to lack of funding to translate the PHASE 1 docu-ments and employ English-speaking therapists The project
to offer groups in English had been put aside for years but finally in 2008 the first groups of PHASE 1 and 2 opened for English speakers The PHASE Artistique and PHASE Weekend are now bilingual pro-grams
(Continued on page 36)
Phone calls received at CRIPHASE
male survivors
therapists
relatives and loved ones
other
The average male survivor using the services at CRIPHASE is aged between 35 and 55
Vol 2 No 2
Page 36
Male survivors in the Native American
communities Recovery programs within Native American communities are only starting Many Native American men were sexually abused as well as psychologically and emotionally abused when they were sent to boarding schools across the province for assimila-tion The effects of this traumatic experience (including historic trauma) can be seen in all First Nations of Queacutebec Algonquians Cris Innus Abenakis Innuits Micmacs and so forth Today there is a strong need of heal-ing for this lost gen-eration but traumatic experiences and con-sequences have been passed on to the next generations Unfortu-nately sexual abuse is one of these problems which need to be addressed through prevention and coun-seling in a way that will integrate Native American traditions and their holistic ap-proach to medicine Such programs already exist within some communi-ties Organizations like GRIPMA (Groupe de Recherches et dInter-ventions Psychosociales en Milieu Autochtone = Research and Inter-vention group in Aboriginal Com-munities) located in the Huron
History of Male Survivor Services (Continued from page 35)
community of Wendake (near Queacute-bec city) provide a clinical expertise in intervention within Native Ameri-can communities On the other side the Aboriginal Healing Foun-dation based in Ottawa is currently funding 16 recovery projects for the First Nations in Queacutebec ad-dressing sexual abuse addiction prevention of suicide boarding schools trauma etc until 2010
Last year the publication of the five-year funding plan on sexual abuse by the provincial govern-ment of Queacutebec has seen the recognition of male survivors as a population in great need of ser-vices It has also recognized the necessity of providing services to the First Nations communities
Things are changing in Queacutebec for male survivors Because CRIPHASE is the only organization providing support and counseling to men in Queacutebec who have been sexually abused in childhood there is great hope for an increase of funding this year The constant develop-ment of CRIPHASE and the increase in phone calls and numbers of guys within the services (in 2008-
2009 there will be seven groups of PHASE 1 in-stead of five the year before) also show that men in Queacutebec are get-ting the right information on sexual abuse and services and are being encouraged to look for help and engage in re-covery
If you are one of these men in Queacutebec we are waiting for your call Remember you are not alone
For the annual march event please visit wwwmarchevasca (Information for the May 2009 march will be on line from February 2009)
Quilt Square by a Native Child from Alberta From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 37
MaleSurvivor is men surviving sexual abuse in Canada we will start with Canadarsquos sad legacy of abuse of children by clergy
A Brief Incomplete Canadian History
In Canada our First Nations People have had to bear the legacy of abuse they endured in Canadarsquos notorious residential schools Cur-rent issues of addictions and family and mental health problems amongst our First Nations people can be traced back to the legacy of abuse experienced by Native chil-dren in residential schools
Around 1874 the federal government began working with the churches (Catholic Anglican United and Presbyte-rian) to set up the Residential School System as a means to suppress Native cul-ture and promote assimilation In gen-eral children between the ages of five and 16 were taken from their parents and sent to church-run residen-tial schools The extent of the abuse in these church-run schools has been referred to as the ldquoCanadian Holocaustrdquo Recently the Canadian Government formed the Truth and Reconciliation Commis-sion (TRC) as part of the court-approved Indian Residential Schools Settlement Agreement The
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious
Leader By Nancy N Mayer MSW RSW
Partner Crisci amp Mayer Consultation Counselling and
Training Toronto wwwckmconsultationcom
Introduction
L ikely all the readers of this newsletter have knowledge and expertise about men
being physically sexually and emotionally abused Research tells us that abusers can come from any
walk of life and most often are known to the child or adult In the last decade abuse by clergy has finally ldquocome out of the closetrdquo so to
speak thanks to those brave survi-vors who have made public their experiences of being abused by clergy More than ever survivor groups are encouraging victims to report these crimes to the police and to consider seeking civil re-dress for their injuries Many groups believe that change in churches will only come when they are held accountable for the abuse perpetrated by clergy
This article will attempt to address the distinctive issues that are com-mon to this population of survivors Because the focus of this issue of
purpose of the commission is not to determine guilt or innocence but to create an historical account of the residential schools help people to heal and encourage reconciliation between Aboriginal and non-aboriginal Canadians
The notorious Mount Cashel Or-phanage is another Canadian leg-acy of sexual abuse by clergy This facility was operated in Newfound-land by the Christian Brothers More than a dozen priests were convicted after decades of abusing young boys at the orphanage
Mount Cashel Or-phanage closed in 1989 just six months after allegations of sexual physical and emotional abuse were published by the media (For more in depth information see Harris Michael Unholy Orders Trag-edy at Mount Cashel Ontario Viking Press 1990)
Like the US there have been hundreds and perhaps thou-sands of cases of children and vulner-
able adults abused by clergy in every religious denomination Unlike the US our country is not bound as strictly by statutes of limitations so lawsuits can proceed more freely Our sentences for convicted clerical sex offenders are
(Continued on page 38)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Nancy N Mayer
ldquo[First Nations] children
between the ages of five
and 16 were taken from
their parents and sent to
church-run residential
schools The extent of
the abuse in these
church-run schools has
been referred to as the
lsquoCanadian Holocaustrsquoldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 38
nowhere near as severe as those of our American neighbours Most first offenders will not serve a day in jail The civil awards for personal inju-ries are also quite low Our court system promotes set-tling these cases out of court When a case fails to go to trial it is not part of the public re-cord The widespread use of confidentiality orders media fatigue and Canadian reserve means that it is impos-sible to obtain accurate statistics on how often men are abused by clergy or even the ex-tent of the problem in this country
The Authority of Rel igious Leaders Religious organizations have always played a central role in our so-cieties They provide moral ethical and spiritual guidance Reli-gious teachings have given us a context and meaning for our lives Most religious belief revolves around a divine power or God Religious leaders (ministers priests rabbis elders nuns) are thought to be Godrsquos earthly repre-sentatives and are treated with reverence and respect They have intimate involvement with families and children at such vulnerable times as an illness death or other family crises They may have access
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 37)
to confidential information by virtue of their roles of confessor or counsellor A child brought up by religious parents is taught to re-spect these men and women Oth-ers associated with churches mdash choir leaders teachers cantors youth group leaders mdash are also considered trustworthy by virtue of their close
association with their religious organizations Most parents en-courage their childrenrsquos participa-tion in church-based activities believing them to be safe and wholesome
These leaders are considered to be esteemed authorities and as repre-sentatives of God wield a great deal of power Depending on the faith group there may be teachings
that support an unquestioning adherence to their instructions and guidance This makes children and vulnerable adults particularly sus-ceptible to exploitation by this group because they have access opportunity and trust
Misuse of Power Perpetrators can utilize their positions of power and trust to gain access to their victims some-times for extended periods of uninterrupted time They may tell children that they are being asked to ldquoserve Godrdquo or that they or their families will be punished if they do not do as instructed Chil-dren may be threatened with eternal damnation or blamed for leading the religious leader into sin If the religion con-siders premarital sex or same sex contacts as sinful the guilt will be compounded
In most cases the victim will not disclose or may disclose but not be
believed A child will have a difficult time convincing adults that he or she has been victimized The vic-timrsquos family culture or communi-ties have been socialized to see their religious leaders as unques-tionably good and incapable of lies This can lead to others denying or minimizing the victimrsquos experience of abuse The victim is initially harmed by the abuser and then is revictimized by those who cannot
ldquoMay Hope be Passed through Every Handrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 39
institutionrsquos response and lack of compassion and pastoral care
The Impact on Spir ituality
The frequently used term ldquosoul murderrdquo aptly describes what hap-pens when the abuser is a religious leader When the response of the religious institu-tion to a disclosure of abuse is experienced as self-serving and uncaring the survivor will likely lose his faith in the religious community of which he has been a part To belong and to feel connected is a basic human need When abused by clergy the loss of connection and belonging to what may have been a spiritual anchor can be devastating
To compound the harm the abuse may have occurred in a religious building The abuser may have worn traditional cleri-cal attire or may have made religious or biblical refer-ences As a result being exposed to religious symbols music or any other reminder can trigger flashbacks and other uncomfortable physical symptoms
The cleric is often considered Godrsquos representative on earth This gives the cleric power that surpasses his position and status When abuse is at the hands of a minister nun
accept that their spiritual leaders are capable of abuse There are many stories of clergy abuse survi-vors being abandoned by their religious communities (who side with the cleric) and their families who cannot face leaving the church that has given their lives meaning and comfort The resultant feelings of betrayal and abandonment are profound
The Role of the Religious Inst itutions
When religious institutions hold themselves up as ethical compasses and arbitrators of right and wrong society has an expectation that church leaders will act in a fair and moral way Many US Commissions and Grand Juries and Canadian reports such as the Winter Com-mission Report (Archdiocese of St Johns Newfoundland Canada 1990) Child Abuse in Community Institutions and Organizations and Improving Public and Professional Understanding (prepared for the Law Commission of Canada) all record and explain the dynamics that have lead to the failure of religious institutions to protect our children
While it is well known that any institution mdash educational recrea-tional or spiritual mdash is not immune from having sex offenders in its midst the religious institutions have a particular legacy of protect-ing the institution through aggres-sive legal tactics versus truth telling and reconciliation Many victims state that they have been less wounded by the actual abuse and profoundly more damaged by the
priest rabbi minister or elder the recipient of the abuse may experi-ence profound guilt for ldquoparticipatingrdquo in ldquosinfulrdquo behaviour mdash a mistaken belief that he is respon-sible for the abuse or shame that
he has ldquosinnedrdquo He may believe he is deserving of rejection or eternal damnation If he confesses he risks exposing the cleric who has likely done what he could to trick the victim into believing that he must maintain silence and secrecy One survivor describes feeling that rdquoIt was like being abused by God him-self If even God couldnrsquot love me how could anyone else ever love merdquo
These factors alone can leave a man who has been abused by clergy unable to find comfort and solace in what used to be his spiritual beliefs and his church Without these familiar beliefs the survivor is aban-
doned and alone when he most needs support
The Role of Gender While woman are ordained in some denominations there is still an imbalance of power between men and women in many religious tradi-tions For boys and men abused by male clerics embarrassment and
(Continued on page 40)
ldquoThe frequently used
term lsquosoul murderrsquo aptly
describes what happens
when the abuser is a
religious leader When
the response of the
religious institution to a
disclosure of abuse is
experienced as self-
serving and uncaring
the survivor will likely
lose his faith in the
religious community of
which he has been
a partrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 40
concerns of how they will be per-ceived promote silence For the boy or man abused by a female cleric there may be worries that he will be labelled the seducer or pres-sured to consider this ldquorelationshiprdquo as non-abusive
The study conducted by the John Jay Col-lege of Criminal Jus-tice regarding The Nature and Scope of the Problem of Sexual Abuse of Minors by Priests and Deacons in the Catholic Church (Washington DC USCCB 2004) found some very disturbing information about the age and gender of victims The largest group of reported victims (509) was between the ages of 11 and 14 273 of victims were 15 to 17 16 were eight to 10 and nearly 6 were under age seven Overall 81 of vic-tims were male and 19 female Male victims tended to be older than female victims Over 40 of all victims were males between the ages of 11 and 14
The largest group of reported victims in this study consisted of boys who were entering puberty This is a tumultuous time in most
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 39)
young menrsquos lives To have this period of development disrupted can contribute to many mental health problems including lack of confidence disruption of emo-tional sexual and psycho-social development isolation sexual identity confusion depression anxiety and abuse of substances
In Summary The harm experienced by those
who are abused by clergy is profound and multifaceted Some therapists will not want to work with survivors of clergy abuse due to the complexity of their issues their limited knowledge of the subject area possible religious biases and potential for litigation Most (but certainly not all) survivors will have experienced revictimization by their churches or religious institutions This compounded by abuse by a religious leader in a position of power will under-standably lead to unique challenges Survivors will have
significant trust issues that can impede the forming of a trusting therapeutic relationship with a therapist who will also be in a position of power and may be an employee of an institution With transparency and skill on the part of the therapist and tenacity on the part of the survivor effective thera-
peutic partnership can be achieved While recovery is difficult it is possible
The irony is that many survivors of abuse by clergy have a strong sense of integrity morality and perseverance They learned the lessons that the ldquoreligiousrdquo offend-ers failed to learn At the core of their beings these clergy abuse survivors are the prophets who have come to speak the truth and reveal the abuse and the decep-tions It is this desire for social justice truth telling belonging and connection that will allow a healthy spiritual belief system to rise out of the ashes of what has happened It is this healthy spiritual belief that makes many clergy abuse survivors persistent and tenacious in seeking recovery and social justice They are making a difference and chang-ing the world as we know it
ldquoThe harm experienced
by those who are
abused by clergy is
profound and
multifaceted Some
therapists will not want
to work with survivors
of clergy abuse due to
the complexity of their
issues their limited
knowledge of the
subject area possible
religious biases and
potential for litigationldquo
February 2009
Page 41
tion of it earlier in the lsquo90s but 1997 is when there was a critical mass of mostly male survivors coming forward and taking action against Maple Leaf Gardens Your question specifically was ldquoDid it play a role in my choice of ca-reersrdquo
MS Yes
SJ Yes and no The Maple Leaf
Gardens cases were not my first sexual assault cases but my in-volvement in these cases solidified my interest and desire to help sur-vivors
MS Could you take a few minutes to explain to our readers just what the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal was and why it has played a central role in revealing the extent of sex-ual abuse at least in the Toronto area
of my clients will say something like ldquoYou know this is not about the money I donrsquot care how much I get this is about something elserdquo And whatever that person seeks mdash an apology or the empowerment of filing a lawsuit or a million other unique things mdash that is why I do this kind of work Itrsquos about helping people through whatever process they need in order to begin that healing process the moving forward process
MS And also to provide your clients with a sense of justice
SJ Absolutely Justice is really not about the money itrsquos about the knowledge that theyrsquove come forward theyrsquove done something and theyrsquove empowered themselves It takes a tre-mendous amount of courage to do that I am always in awe of my cli-ents for the amount of courage they have They are my inspiration
MS Many Americans are unaware of the so-called Maple Leaf Gar-dens sex scandal that began some-time in the 1960s but didnrsquot come to wide public attention until 1997 the year after you began practicing law Did this scandal have some affect on your choice of career
SJ Actually the scandal did come to prominence before 1997 There was scattered media atten-
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 1)
SJ Sure There was a series of men who were employed at Maple Leaf Gardens which was the home of the Toronto Maple Leafs mdash the hockey club mdash who over a period of a couple of decades sexually abused probably hundreds of chil-dren It started in the lsquo60s it went on we believe until the early lsquo80s There were two principal men in-volved but there were at least three
others who also were ac-cused In order to under-stand why the Maple Leaf Gardens sex scandals are as important as they are you have to understand that hockey in Toronto and hockey in Canada is almost a religion Hockey is to Canadians what the NFL or Major League Baseball is to Americans Every little boy dreams of about becoming the next Wayne Gretzky becoming the best hockey player he can be Maple Leaf Gar-dens was the home of one of the best loved and biggest hockey teams mdash the Toronto Maple Leafs The Gardens was the high
temple of hockey in Canada and still is In the lsquo60s lsquo70s and even the lsquo80s children mdash mostly boys mdash would go to Maple Leaf Gardens usually unaccompanied by their parents because back then nobody really thought that anything bad would happen to them at the Gar-dens The boys would go there ei-ther for practice games or to watch the Maple Leafs play or more likely they would go to watch To-
(Continued on page 42)
ldquoMaple Leaf Gardens in Memory of Martin Kruzerdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 42
ronto Marlies games The Marlies were the farm team for the Toronto Maple Leafs During these games and these practices the pedophiles who worked at the Gardenrsquos would often befriend these boys seeking out boys who were more vulner-able than others most likely and would sexually assault the boys sometimes off-property but most often within the Gardens itself They would use their position as employees of the Gardens to be able to say to the boys if you come with me Irsquoll get you a broken hockey stick or hockey puck or Irsquoll get you into better seats the next game or whatever other type of inducement would be necessary to get the boys to go with them into either a washroom or a training room or other private place where the boys would be sexually abused
In 1997 there were about 50 or 60 cases all joined to-gether and Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Entertainment Ltd wanted to settle all the cases prior to the Toronto Maple Leafs moving into a new hockey rink called the Air Canada Center so as to have a clean slate at the new rink By and large a lot of the litigation was fin-ished before the team moved into the Air Canada Center but not all of it In fact there are probably 17 or 19 cases going through the court
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 41)
system today more than 10 years after the original large group of plaintiffs went through the court and I believe that new people will continue to come forward when they are strong enough
MS I understand that one of the principal plaintiffs in the case Mar-tin Kruze had settled with the owners or the operators of the Ma-ple Leaf Gardens in 1995 and that he signed a confidentiality agree-ment not to reveal the settlement
or perhaps even the details of what had happened to him Do you think that the confidentiality agree-ment Mr Kruze agreed to slowed down or hindered the full exposure of this scandal
SJ I think that any confidentiality agreement blocks public access to knowledge and to understanding so I do suspect that Martinrsquos confi-dentiality agreement did have some impact on the scandal re-
maining hidden for as long as it did Absolutely yes I believe that confidentiality agreements are in-herently difficult for plaintiffs be-cause they create and continue a cycle of secrecy Sexual assault is a crime that is almost always carried out in secret and the guilt and shame it produces is key in helping pedophiles maintain their hold over their victims Putting a confidential-ity agreement on a settlement just perpetuates the guilt and the shame
MS Unfortunately Martin Kruzersquos principal perpetrator received a shockingly light sen-tence for all his actions and I understand that this led to Martin com-mitting suicide shortly afterwards
SJ I would think that the perpetratorrsquos sentence was a part of why Martin chose to end his life yes It hap-pened relatively shortly after the sentencing and I suspect that it weighed heavily on Martinrsquos decision
MS Do you think that the sen-tence that the perpetrator received was a reflection of the then current attitude towards pedophiles and sexual abuse
SJ The sentence that the perpe-trator received was a reflection on the way that the Canadian justice system deals with criminals regard-ing personal crimes absolutely It was a very low sentence in keep-
Imants Kruze visiting his sonrsquos memorial quilt square in the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 43
obtain here versus how much they can obtain in the United States In the United States there is no cap for pain and suffering awards whereas here in Canada there is a very small cap mdash about $325000 If a survivor of sexual assault goes through the court system and even if they have a very good day in court in terms of compensation yoursquore probably looking at an award for dam-ages somewhere be-tween $200000 and $500000 Sometimes itrsquos actually less than $200000 and very very rarely more than $500000 so in that sense we are defi-nitely behind But I donrsquot think itrsquos a question of waiting 10 years to see if we ldquocatch uprdquo I think itrsquos just a fundamental difference in how our court system works and whatrsquos available to survivors in terms of compensation
If you mean that Canada is 10 years behind in dealing with other aspects of sexual assault then you are probably correct in terms of media attention public awareness and outrage Sexual assault is still largely an unreported unprose-cuted crime But things are getting better every day and as more and more survivors come forward posi-tive changes will continue to hap-pen
MS As Irsquom sure you know therersquos periodic discussion about tort re-
ing with what was handed out at the time and to a large extent itrsquos still in keeping with what is handed out right now
MS Are you still representing or have you represented anyone who is a plaintiff in this scandal
SJ I was very much involved in the core group of Maple Leaf Gar-dens survivors that came forward in 1997 I was on what was called the plaintiffsrsquo committee back then which was a group of a few lawyers who brought the litigation forward I represented a number of plaintiffs in the original group that came forward I have also represented quite a few men throughout the last 10 years and currently repre-sent two men in the last group of plaintiffs to come forward I have also been approached by at least two other men who may decide to pursue litigation
MS Dale English mdash who has spo-ken to you at some length mdash has said to me that either you or he or both of you have felt that Canada is perhaps 10 or more years behind the US in dealing with the issues of sexual abuse and sexual assault Could you elaborate on that com-ment
SJ I think it depends on what you mean by dealing with the is-sues If you mean dealing with the issues in terms of bringing civil cases forward to a certain extent we are behind One of the funda-mental differences between the United States and Canada is the way that our tort systems operate and specifically the amount of compensation that tort victims can
form in the United States mainly aimed at capping punitive dam-ages Irsquom wondering whether there is the mirror of that in Canada mdash whether therersquos any movement to-wards tort reform that would allow greater awards to victims
SJ Well there is and there isnrsquot In Canada itrsquos very difficult if not
impossible to get pu-nitive damages espe-cially if therersquos a criminal conviction The punitive damages that are available in Canada are very low A typical punitive damage award would be $20000 or $25000 - usually not much more than that So damages are quite restricted here in any event In terms of tort reform I think there is a global push by in-surance companies to
try to limit compensation whether in the States or here The things that the American Association of Justice are fighting for down in the States are the same things that the Ontario Trial Lawyers Association are fighting for here mdash the continued ability to sue for compensation un-hampered by legislative roadblocks benefitting powerful institutional defendants to the detriment of those who have suffered Ours is a much smaller playing field and therefore less money is at stake In terms of plaintiffsrsquo lawyers wersquore trying to maximize the compensa-tion that we can get for our client Every time we go to court we try
(Continued on page 44)
ldquoIf you mean that
Canada is 10 years
behind in dealing with
other aspects of sexual
assault then you are
probably correct in
terms of media
attention public
awareness and outrageldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 44
to get a higher damage award so that that case will be a building block for future cases There are always attempts to try to circum-vent the cap on pain and suffering damages that we have Itrsquos not an easy thing to do the cap has been in place in Canada for 32 years now It was put in place in 1977 by the Supreme Court of Canada and itrsquos unlikely to be overturned any-time soon Even though from a purely theoretical legal analysis that cap does not apply to pain and suffering damages for victims of sexual assault and sexual abuse the reality is that judges still use that cap as a high water mark even though it doesnrsquot formally apply mdash it is still a de facto cap and to be honest with you it is almost impos-sible to get anywhere near that cap for compensation for pain and suf-fering A typical pain and suffering award in Canada for childhood sex-ual abuse is somewhere between $100000 and $200000 Anything on top of that would be associated economic loss or care costs
MS Itrsquos quite unfortunate that even though therersquos no real cap the law behaves as if there were one
SJ Yep I couldnrsquot agree with you more Itrsquos very unfortunate
MS I understand that in 2005 the government of Ontario convened whatrsquos known as the Cornwall Pub-lic Inquiry Was the Inquiry con-vened to address the issues of sex-ual abuse and sexual assault and
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 43)
the way the justice system is han-dling it
SJ Thatrsquos probably one of the reasons the Inquiry was convened Thatrsquos one of the hopes The In-quiry was convened because of what was going on in a little city east of Toronto mdash a series of allega-tions against very prominent mem-bers of that community involving the sexual abuse of children over a period of many many years The idea behind the Inquiry is to try to figure out what happened and to put in place some recommenda-tions that will not only stop some-thing like the abuse in Cornwall from happening again but will also try to help those who were affected by the events in the first place And to some extent I think some good will come of the Inquiry Hopefully the recommendations will be good for survivors of childhood sexual abuse or any kind of sexual assault The Submission phase of the In-quiry officially ended late February 2009
MS Did you have the opportunity to testify before the Inquiry
SJ I did not personally testify before the Inquiry Testimony was generally limited to the people ac-tually involved mdash police officers vic-tims what not I was involved in the Inquiry with regards to a panel discussionroundtable that they had regarding the use of confiden-tiality agreements
MS As you probably know Male-Survivor was first founded in the early 1980s by a group of thera-pists who were concerned about support for victims of childhood
sexual abuse and although Male-Survivor is still not a very large or-ganization it has increased its in-fluence significantly over the years and Irsquom wondering whether there is a similar non-profit or other group in Canada that also is dedi-cated to helping victims of child-hood sexual abuse
SJ There are some grass roots organizations that deal with victims of childhood sexual abuse or adult sexual assault I donrsquot believe there is as cohesive a unit as MaleSurvi-vor I may be wrong on that but there are smaller more community based organizations that assist sur-vivors That being said resources available to survivors are unfortu-nately pretty limited
MS Is that because there are too few therapists in that form of prac-tice
SJ I think itrsquos a mixture of many different things First of all Canada has a much smaller population base mdash 30 million people as com-pared to 300 million in the United States mdash so you have significantly fewer people affected and there-fore you have significantly fewer resources available to those people The services that we do have will often have very long waiting lists before people can access them There are some very very good counselors in Canada assisting sur-vivors but unfortunately the waiting lists are sometimes long and the availability for public funding to provide services free of charge is somewhat limited
MS Is there anything in your opinion about the Canadian health
February 2009
Page 45
system that contributes to the scar-city of services
SJ I donrsquot know if itrsquos the Cana-dian health system I think that in Canada we have a pretty good public health system in the sense that anybody who needs medical services can access those services free of charge The problem is that a lot of these services are not covered under our health system per se Many are covered under either private plans or pay as you go type services and itrsquos just a question of finding the people who can provide these services and being lucky enough to get them when they either donrsquot have a waiting list or other-wise having to wait until your name comes up on that waiting list
MS And that could takes years in some cases it seems
SJ My understanding is that those waiting lists can be quite long but there are very good peo-ple out there Itrsquos just a question of finding them and being able to afford them
MS Can you elaborate on other differences between the US and Canada that affect the way survi-vors and perpetrators are treated by the legal system and the media
SJ The differences between Can-ada and the US are really huge On the surface Americans and Canadi-ans look pretty much the same dress the same talk the same eat the same foods and by and large watch the same TV but culturally there is a huge difference in the way we look at the world in the
way our legal system works and the way that people interact with one another
Americans are much more litigious by na-ture I think this is due to the fact that in the United States mdash at least as seen from the outside mdash the rights of the individual are paramount In Can-ada less so Canada is much more commu-nity-oriented We of-tentimes think about how something is going to affect others instead of looking at what an individual might be entitled to I think that the high
damage awards available through the American legal system are beneficial in sexual abuse cases as is the lack of a cap on awards which we have
In some ways though our legal system is much better for my cli-ents than the US system would be because of the way that our actual process works One of the things that I know is very damaging to a lot of plaintiffs in the United States is the whole discovery process tak-
ing depositions Depositions can go on for a huge number of days and pretty much everybody in the per-sonrsquos life can be called to give a deposition That is very troubling and painful for people who donrsquot necessarily want others to know about their abuse or donrsquot want to involve their family Here in Canada depositions mdash or what we call the examination for discovery mdash are lim-ited to the actual named parties in the lawsuit The defendant and the plaintiff are examined for discovery or deposed if you will Anyone who is not an actual party to the litiga-tion can only be discovered under court orders and itrsquos very difficult to get those court orders so in that sense itrsquos a much quicker cleaner process and less intrusive on some-onersquos life So that is probably a good thing
The other really huge difference between the two systems which I think does in fact impact on why a lot of these cases settle as opposed to going to court and oftentimes settle for very different amounts of money than they would if they went to court is that in Canada we have a ldquoloser paysrdquo system If you go to court and you lose you have to pay at least a portion of the fees incurred by the other side Letrsquos say the defendantrsquos settlement offer is $100000 If the plaintiff does not accept that $100000 and at trial the plaintiff gets $99000 then the plaintiff has to pay the lawyerrsquos fees of the defendant because the award is less than the settlement offer That is very difficult That means that a lot of cases are set-tled for probably less money than
(Continued on page 46)
ldquoOn the surface
Americans and
Canadians look pretty
much the same hellip but
culturally there is a
huge difference in the
way we look at the
world in the way our
legal system works and
the way that people
interact with one
anotherldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 46
MS I join you in that hope Any-thing that can advance the cause of not only helping people but also helping prevent further abuses is always going to be welcome If you could set forth a vision of how you would like to see the law and the therapeutic community in Canada evolve to handle matters of child-
hood sexual abuse and sexual assault mdash if you could influence the reform of institu-tions what would your vision be
SJ Oh Richard Wow Well first and foremost I would love to raise public aware-ness of this issue for various reasons I think that increased public awareness will not necessarily reduce the instances of abuse but will help improve how abuse is dealt with when itrsquos ongoing and after-wards Itrsquos very im-portant that when a child is hurt that
child knows that he can go to peo-ple for help and support All too often if kids get up enough cour-age to tell someone the reaction they get is not very positive I think that with increased public aware-ness hopefully people will under-stand that there are ways to deal with this that will decrease the amount of harm so public aware-ness is paramount
I would like the legal system to raise compensation awards for sur-
turning point in bringing to the publicrsquos attention that the sexual assault of children can happen does happen and itrsquos a very diffi-cult thing for anyone to go through whether theyrsquore little boys or grown men that were abused as children It brought childhood sex-ual abuse out of the shadows to a certain extent The scandal still garners media attention as new survivors come forward but not the same as it did 10 years ago
MS Would you say that the lack of inves-tigative reporting is a cultural phenomenon or is it that the news-papers donrsquot feel they have that role
SJ Oh no Canadian newspapers do feel that they have a role in investigating things but for whatever rea-son sexual abuse of children has not been a priority The Cana-dian media really has not been at the forefront of this issue the way the media in the United States has been and I think that is tremen-dously disappointing The lack of media attention means that we arenrsquot fostering the awareness within the public that we need in order to provide real help and ser-vices for survivors We need the mediarsquos help to bring this horrific crime to light and to help stop it from happening
they would get if they went to court because that risk of going to court and not getting at least the amount of the original offer weighs heavily on everyone Our system is designed and geared toward avoid-ing trials which can be good be-cause nobody really wants to go through a trial but can be bad be-cause people become very intimi-dated by the prospect of losing or not getting as much as the settle-ment offer and being indebted to the defendant for a lot of money Thatrsquos a scary scary thing to go through
With regards to the media the US has a media that by and large has helped out a lot with sexual abuse cases The whole issue of clergy abuse really started with investiga-tive reporting by the Boston Globe right
MS Right
SJ They really took that issue and just ran with it Here in Canada we really havenrsquot had the same kind of investigative media cover-age as yoursquove had which is why events like the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal are not as huge as they are down in the States
Before Martin Kruze committed sui-cide the media was only somewhat interested in the Maple Leaf Gar-dens scandal Martin Kruze was a figure because he had sued the Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Com-plex But after he committed sui-cide the media was really galva-nized and that was probably a
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 45)
ldquoThe lack of media
attention means that we
arenrsquot fostering the
awareness within the
public that we need in
order to provide real
help and services for
survivors We need the
mediarsquos help to bring
this horrific crime to
light and to help stop it
from happeningrdquo
February 2009
Page 47
ments but it canrsquot at this stage really happen through the courts
I would want there to be an ability for institutions or perpetrators mdash de-fendants mdash to look beyond mere dollars and cents and look toward healing the person that they have hurt either directly or indirectly All too often in these cases we really become tied up in the legal minu-tiae of things as opposed to defen-dants saying ldquoOK letrsquos step back here and letrsquos try to helprdquo
I wish that there were a real under-standing that these cases are not car accident cases and they should
not be treated as car accident cases My clients are not people whorsquove broken a leg and therefore need X amount of dollars in order to pay for medical services or whatnot And unfortu-nately that doesnrsquot necessarily happen
In terms of the thera-peutic community I would love to see counseling and therapy ses-sions be paid for through the pub-lic purse so that people who re-quire the services of highly-skilled counselors and therapists and psy-chologists can access those services without having to pay for them A lot of clients just donrsquot have the economic means to pay for such services until after they get a set-tlement and that could take years It would be wonderful to see those kinds of services funded the same way as a trip to the emergency room or a trip to your family doc-tor for a cold is funded Irsquod love to
vivors The amount of damage that can be done as a result of child-hood abuse or in fact any kind of sexual assault is tremendous It affects almost every aspect of someonersquos life It becomes inter-generational because it affects the people around the survivor and compensation awards are still very much a pale reflection of what is needed in order to help these peo-ple I hope that at some point our judges and our legislature under-stand that need and can corre-spondingly give appropriate and reasonable damage awards so that people can start to rebuild their lives in a meaningful way
I would love there to be an opportunity within our civil system for more than just compensation At this stage the only thing that a civil judge can do is award monetary compensation There are a lot of creative things that you can do within a settlement that are not purely fi-nancial that can give a lot of sol-ace to someone who has been abused whether that be in the form of some non-financial healing whether it be in the form of a situation where somebody can con-front their abuser if thatrsquos what they wish to do in a safe setting or whether itrsquos the ability for that sur-vivor to do something outside of pure simple dollars and put for-ward some sort of healing plan that is as individual as they are That can happen through settle-
be able to see that I think that that would go a long way to helping people earlier rather than later
Ultimately I wish that this situation didnrsquot exist anymore and I would be put out of business frankly
MS Well I can certainly sympa-thize with the way you feel but it would seem that you have a career ahead of you dealing with this problem
SJ Unfortunately I think you are right I think that instances of child-hood sexual abuse are not neces-sarily going down I think that insti-tutions are getting a little bit better at putting in place policies and sometimes even following their own policies to stop pedophiles from entering those institutions and preying on people that those insti-tutions are theoretically set up to serve but I think that as long as the problem of childhood sexual abuse is with us I will be out there trying to help anybody that I can
MS Is there anything else yoursquod like to say to our readers
SJ I think that organizations such as MaleSurvivor are imperative in helping people understand that they are not alone that itrsquos not their fault and there are ways to get help So hats off to an organi-zation such as yours The clients I have who are involved in your or-ganization are very very well served so I have to thank you for being a resource
MS Thank you very much for your kind comments and for your time Simona
ldquoUltimately I wish that
this situation didnrsquot exist
anymore and I would be
put out of business
franklyrdquo
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-
February 2009
Page 21
only three emotions happiness sadness and anger And it was the anger that consumed me Anything could set me off I was a ticking time-bomb I began to wonder if any sort of normal life would ever happen for me
I was ready to give up to accept that this was what God had planned for me but somewhere inside that messed up 20 year old head of mine there was a sliver of light the same light that was there when I was a child the light that only had to worry about sneaking a cookie up to bed And I knew that that tiny glimpse of light was the real me If I could find a way to broaden its beam I would be able to peel back all the layers of abuse and discover who I really am
I searched I called crisis lines I went to free therapy sessions I attempted to try to understand why I was like I was but I kept hitting dead ends Nobody seemed to know how to help me me a male survivor
Nothing would last The little help I did receive all faded All I really got were programs and information and books and flyers Then I found Lynne MacDonells number I called her late one night She agreed to meet with me and quickly got me
into her mens group ldquoA Time for Menrdquo
The group literally saved my life For the first time I knew I wasnt alone There were other men who had been through what I had been through and they genuinely cared for me It has been over three years
now and it is still difficult Although I have put an end to the coping mecha-nisms mdash the drugs and the cutting mdash itrsquos the feelings that still manage to give me a struggle As survivors we have to sort out our insides Our guts Our feelings All that stuff was ripped out mixed up and thrown back in when we were abused We have to retrain our brains learn how to think how to feel how to trust how to love At times I feel like Irsquom an emotional infant as if my body kept
growing after my uncle abused me but my mind didnrsquot That was the main issue when I finally decided that I needed to be on the path of recovery So I focused and I began
I look forward to those two hours every Monday night because I know I can say and share anything I want and I will not be judged I am safe there I am safe to peel back those layers of abuse and discover the real me who I was really meant to be not this husk of
a human being that I had been living as for so many years
Since joining the group I have finished university got my degree I am free of drugs and self-harming I have a good job and a much healthier lifestyle and I have come out with my secret about sexual abuse
I am not ashamed of who I am anymore It is a long and tough uphill battle and it is still far from over but I know that I have plenty of people helping me fight this battle Our group is more that just a support group We are a family a brotherhood of survivors deter-mined to help each other and spread the word
It was hope That light the real memdashit was hope As survivors some-times all we have to go on is hope and that is why we need to remem-ber that there is ALWAYS hope There never needs to be a dead end That tiny sliver of light exists in all of us you just have to find it
ldquoAs survivors
sometimes all we have
to go on is hope and
that is why we need to
remember that there is
ALWAYS hope There
never needs to be a
dead end That tiny
sliver of light exists in
all of us you just have
to find itrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 22
My Story
by Bruce M
A s I start to write this article I find myself sitting in front of the house where I was
first sexually abused I donrsquot know why I am here but I am Perhaps it is my way of being in control which I certainly wasnrsquot for a very long time It was really not that long ago before I avoided this area of the city entirely mdash never mind sitting on the street in front of the home where I was sexually as-
saulted
I am now 42 years old and have a partner who supports me more than I could have ever asked for I am in love and
although I thought I loved others before now I really know what love is For many years I was so secretly dysfunctional that most people were under the impression that I had it all together but that was furthest from the truth I was a good actor
I grew up in a middle class suburb of Toronto I was the youngest of three kids I was diagnosed with ADD and was given Ritalin to ldquosettle me downrdquo I think that Ritalin was an easy out for my parents I needed more one on one interac-tion and understanding rather than a drug regimen which suited their
needs I clearly remember my pe-diatrician back then coaching my parents on what I needed mdash and many of his recommendations went ignored In their minds it seemed that all I needed was Ritalin
I had very few true friends Most people found my hyperactivity to be too much My mother was a practicing alcoholic (thankfully sober for about 28 years now) and my father was nothing short of physically abusive mdash mainly to my sister and me but also to my brother from what I understand My father had out-bursts of rage during which he would beat me with a dog leash and his fist Once he shoved my head down a toilet and told me that is where I belonged I donrsquot know if many people could appreciate how horrible it was to be told that As long as I live I will never for-get how I felt when he said that
When I was 12 years old I was enrolled in basketball That year I excelled and my team ended up winning the champion-ship This was a great confidence boost that I really needed I had finally found something that I was good at The second year was not so great My assistant basketball
coach was a sexual predator who saw a shy and troubled boy in me and decided that he would look after his own needs This guy was a medical doctor so he knew what he was doing and started what I now understand was a very intense grooming process He talked to me about my hyperactivity my motherrsquos alcoholism and my fatherrsquos abuse As I remember back he brought these things up often while he was getting to know me
After a period of time he invited me to his home one day on the pretence of my coming over to rake leaves Once there he invited me to his basement where he
Moving On
Bruce M
Bruce M during the time of his abuse
February 2009
Page 23
matum He said that if I would not come to his house we could no longer be friends I donrsquot know how I did it but I decided that I did not want to go to his house and that was the end of that I now know that he went on to find an-other victim
For nearly the next two decades I struggled with life To add insult to injury I knew that I was a gay male and after the abuse I figured that this was what a gay relation-ship was like and I didnrsquot want it I lacked direction with almost everything I did For a while I was practically homeless because I was staying with one friend after another putting myself in situations where I could be abused again and again I was con-stantly haunted with
guilt because I was sure that the man who abused me was abusing other boys
Finally one day I came forward and told the police about my abuse They charged this man and I quickly learned that this perpetra-tor was one of the nastiest that I have come across to this day He had deep pockets and fought ruthlessly I was followed by private investigators my friends were approached by private investigators
made it clear that his gentle kind supportive ways would have a cost to me I remember hating the experience This disgusting smelling man was more than repulsive Would you believe that I went back Well I did Most other vic-tims of sexual abuse will under-
stand why better than those who have not been there I wanted to be cared for and listened to so badly that for a while I just put up with the abuse This guy came to my school at lunch and let me drive his car around the back streets I was too young and imma-ture to realize that this was not a kind gesture but more grooming that would give him access to what he wanted Eventually he got an-noyed that I would avoid going to his house so he gave me an ulti-
for interviews and he hired some of Canadarsquos best attorneys to get him out of his charges When I went to court to testify at a prelimi-nary trial he had people there to threaten me in the halls of the court and the bathrooms The criminal case went on and on and eventually to the Supreme Court of Canada for a ruling about my con-sent All in all it has been a very intense process which went on so long that the case was thrown out because of delay He is still not out of hot water because the College of Physicians and Surgeons went after him and I had to testify at that hearing too which is still going on to this day
Last fall I completed my third Weekend of Recovery and al-though I have been in private ther-apy for close to four years and have been a part of a menrsquos group in Toronto nothing compares to the results that I achieved from attending the Weekends of Recov-ery The weekend program and the connections that I made with other guys and therapists have been instrumental in giving me a push forward allowing me to have some happiness and a meaningful rela-tionship which I was never able to have before
Life is not perfect but I can tell you that it is so much better than it was a few years ago and it is getting better all the time
Bruce M during the time of his abuse
Vol 2 No 2
Page 24
nor injury well that was his cue He took me into a medical room and closed the door He examined my knee and soon the subject changed That was the first time that I was sexually assaulted
Over the years this repulsive man be-came my coach in both hockey and baseball He was a central figure at the arena and the base-ball diamond He was the one involved in all the fundraisers and came to be known as ldquothe guy who would do any-thing for the kidsrdquo Most of the parents loved him mdash but not mine He drank with parents partied with them all while he ldquotook carerdquo of us kids
The first time I was abused at the arena I told someone older than I I did so again when I was 15 What was I to do Neither time did the adults take appropriate action and you guessed it everything was swept under the carpet So I did the only thing I knew how to do mdash I stuffed it
Growing up was a difficult time for me because of the abuse and the fact that I suffered with ADHD and anxiety (undiagnosed at the time) My sisters did well in school how-ever I didnrsquot I would work my tail off get a ldquoCrdquo and then would be told to work harder or asked if I
A Victim No More
by Glenn Allan
M y name is Glenn Allan and I grew up in Stoney Creek Ontario Canada
By all rights I should have been dead years ago I am a recovering alcoholic and cocaine addict and I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse I donrsquot want my story to become an ldquoabuse or addiction-aloguerdquo so I wonrsquot get into graphic details or talk about every abusive situation
Please keep an open mind as this is my story
I was wel-comed into a loving yet dysfunctional family in February of 1964 I have four sisters
nine nieces and nephews two great-nieces and one great-nephew My story begins around the age of seven I loved skating and playing hockey I was always told ldquoYoursquove gotta practice to get betterrdquo and so I did I would play as much ice and road hockey as I could and my sis-ters would take me public skating It was at public skating that my abuser first spotted me and as-saulted me I fell during one of those skating sessions and hurt my knee My abuser was a skating monitor that day and when I needed medical attention for a mi-
were dumb My frustrations grew mdash if only they knew that there was a hurting little boy inside But I was a boy who was too afraid to say that he hurt or to cry mdash because ldquobig boys donrsquot cryrdquo I would get teased at home about being stupid or
asked ldquoWhy donrsquot you try harderrdquo
I couldnrsquot defend my-self verbally with my parents because that would have been ldquotalking backrdquo There were times when I would be so angry at them for picking on me for little things and I would think to myself ldquoYou are yell-ing at me for this while he (the abuser) is doing that to merdquo
Talk about frustration and built up rage I was a walking volcano I would fight all the time whether it was at school playing hockey or baseball it really didnrsquot matter why mdash all I knew was I was MAD
Over the years I slowly lost my self-esteem and self-worth I wanted to be anybody but me I idolized ath-letes like Bobby Orr Bobby Clarke and Pete Rose because of their dedication and work ethic Being a class clown I loved comedians (Steve Martin Richard Pryor Robin Williams Johnny Carson) and the entertainer in me loved singers (Elvis) and wanted so badly to be them Then maybe people would like me because there was abso-lutely no way anyone could really
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Glenn Allan
ldquoMy frustrations grewmdash
if only they knew that
there was a hurting little
boy inside But I was a
boy who was too afraid
to say that he hurt or to
crymdashbecause lsquobig boys
donrsquot cryrsquordquo
February 2009
Page 25
like or love me with the things my abuser had made me do
Because of the trauma of being abused I wet the bed until I was about 12 years of age which drained any remaining self-worth or self-esteem that I had left I was so embarrassed And then I had to tolerate ridiculous comments from people saying things like ldquoYou know that you are going to have to stop thisrdquo and ldquoYou are getting too old for thisrdquo No kidding really Did they think that I liked waking up in my own urine Did they not think that I wanted to stop Did they have any idea how their words hurt me Man oh man it was like that all the time They just didnrsquot think before they spoke
Frustrated and over-whelmed in my teens I finally found the ldquofriendrdquo that I had been looking for mdash first name ldquoALrdquo last name ldquoCOHOLrdquo I would be-come a whole new person when I drank booze and how I drank I found a brand new confidence I was somewhat funny when I drank dur-ing the early years of drinking however over time I became de-pressed and extremely angry I would fight in bars on a regular basis Then in December of 1987 I was stabbed outside a bar and nearly died Now you would think that being stabbed and nearly dy-ing would prompt a lifestyle
change or at the very least cause me to take a personal inventory of my situation and myself But not me I wore it as a badge of honour allowing the insanity to continue
It is said that if the drugs and alco-hol donrsquot kill you the lifestyle will During this time and over the years I was introduced to many criminals Their crimes ranged from murder assaults extortion and drug dealing to running massage parlours and prostitution mdash to just name a few One of my acquaint-ances was even a hired killer He
actually assassinated two reputed crime bosses in Ontario and is now serving a lengthy sentence for those and other killings
But I was drawn to their so-called power and complete disregard for the law Looking back on it I guess I was looking to reclaim the power
that was stolen from me by my abuser
In my early twenties I got a job working with Young Offenders as a Correctional Officer With the money I was making I bought a very nice sports car dated pretty women was extremely materialistic and yet I was never satisfied I worked in corrections for about four years During that time I also began my career in the world of entertainment as a voice impres-sionist and stand-up comedian as well as a co-host of a comedy tele-
vision show I had a tremendous ego and unknowingly had be-come rdquoThe Great I Amrdquo
After a couple of years I moved from comedy to producing and host-ing my own sports television program which aired for ten years I had so much fun and I was able to meet and interview some of sportsrsquo big-gest names
In my mid-20s when the alcohol wasnrsquot medicating my pain any longer I turned to
something stronger mdash COCAINE During a span of approximately ten years the combination of alcohol cocaine and all my poor choices cost me most of my jobs many of my relationships and all my money It drove me to criminal activity po-lice charges a conviction and a criminal record But most of all I
(Continued on page 26)
Alone Uncredited Photo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 26
was lost Glenn was slowly dying inside me I became depressed and despondent and I hated so many people But most of all I hated my-self
I had attempted suicide on a few occasions and I really and truly had a death wish I hated myself so much that on Friday January 16 1998 loaded with a supply of co-caine and booze I booked myself into a hotel room with no intention of coming out alive Friday night and Saturday passed with me drinking and getting high on co-caine After having more cocaine delivered to me on Sunday after-noon there was no turning back mdash or so I thought Approximately at midnight on Sunday I made my final decision mdash it was time for me to leave this stinking world I ingested enough cocaine to kill me and then I barricaded my hotel door and ripped the phone out of the wall I lay down on the bed defeated broken sad guilt-ridden ashamed depressed and scared yet so ready to die
Only Divine Intervention mdash some sort of miracle mdash can explain what hap-pened next The police came into my hotel room at just the right time on Sunday night and took me to the hospital Who called them how did they know to come to my room I donrsquot know Well thatrsquos not completely true Today I am a man of faith and as a Christian I know exactly who orchestrated my rescue
A Victim No More (Continued from page 25)
After a brief stay in the hospital I chose to enter the Hamilton Menrsquos Withdrawal Management Centre where I spent eleven days From there I entered an intensive addic-tion treatment centre for a six-week stay followed by a five and one half month stay at a recovery house
I have been clean and sober since Janu-ary 19 1998
I work the program of recovery intensely I was blessed with some incredible therapists who were able to break through my trust issues my rough exterior and my wall of comedy to allow me to heal I also became involved in the 12-Steps and other support groups through which I have found tremendous friendships and men-toring
Recovery is about making changes Al-though my abuser assaulted me until I was 15 years old I blamed him for all of my problems until I was 33 years old I had to change from being a pro-fessional blamer and liar to a man of responsibility character and in-tegrity It wasnrsquot easy however after many tears and lots of hard work life has gotten much better
Over time and through applying these principles I found peace se-renity and forgiveness and I also
learned how to love myself again Everything that was set in motion to harm me as a young man is now what drives me With Godrsquos help today I am able to live humbly honestly open-minded and willing to do whatever it takes to stay clean and sober while doing what I can to help others who face similar
struggles
Today I serve the Ca-nadian Centre for Abuse Awareness as the Director of the Southwestern Ontario office My mission at hand is to create a task force that will be responsible for build-ing a residential pro-gram for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
I am also the Execu-tive Producer and Host of three popular television programs Good News Sports The Edge and Living Clean Living Clean is the only live weekly interactive television program in Canada
that is designed to assist individu-als who suffer with addiction abuse andor mental illnesses
I also host The Glenn Allan Show on a local radio station in Hamil-ton ON Canada
As a motivational speaker my pres-entation entitled Youth Yak Live has enabled me to speak to thou-sands of youth nationwide since 2000 Through Youth Yak Live I
ldquoRecovery is about
making changes
Although my abuser
assaulted me until I was
15 years old I blamed
him for all of my
problems until I was 33
years old I had to
change from being a
professional blamer and
liar to a man of
responsibility character
and integrity
February 2009
Page 27
Male Survivor Groups (MSG)
By Robert Beacuterubeacute Co-founder MSG
M ale Survivor Groups (MSG) was created by a group of male survivors
of childhood sexual abuse follow-ing the death of a fellow survi-vor in Lon-don Ontario Canada The initial objec-tives were to foster cama-raderie and support for one another and also to obtain proper help
for survivors in the London area
Presently our aim is to help all male survivors and also to make our cause known It is open to all male survivors of childhood ado-lescent and adult abuse We have expanded and have supported the creation of groups across Canada and we are prepared to support the creation of groups throughout the World
Groups have been established in London Vancouver Sudbury and North Bay in Canada
Our beliefs
1 Our groups are for male survi-vors of abuse What is said in the group remains there What is stated must remain confiden-
have developed tremendous work-ing relationships with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police Ontario Provincial Police Crime Stoppers local police agencies young of-fender facilities churches self-help groups and alcohol and drug treatment centres
I also facilitate a weekly peer sup-port group for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
There was a time when I thought I would never get married and that no one could love me for who I am Colleen and I met in 1999 We both have similar pasts We both have worked through our abuse issues and are both clean and so-ber In 2001 my best friend and I married and we now have three beautiful children Ashley Brandon and Christopher Spending the rest of my life with Colleen and our family is a dream come true
The opportunity of sharing Godrsquos gifts and blessings with others is truly an honour and a privilege It is imperative that I never take these things for granted
If I can assist you or someone dear to you please donrsquot hesitate to contact me at the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness Ph 905-594-1581 or email glennccfaacom or visit these websites
wwwabusehurtscom wwwlivingcleanca wwwglennallanca
or write to me co CCAA 38 King St East PO Box 66614 Stoney Creek ON L8G 5E5
(Continued from page 26)
tial Anonymity is of the utmost importance unless the survivor has gone public But intimate details of the public person must also remain confidential Confidentiality must be assured
2 We are in the group to heal and to support each other
3 We are male survivors who want to heal and help others in the process We can be as young as 16 or as old as old can be
4 Our primary purpose is our own safe being Secondary purposes are the betterment of services for male survivors and the advancement of our cause
5 We fight on so that we may grow in solidarity
6 We are not a religious group We do use different models of functioning in our different sub-groups Ours is a healing group for more than one prob-lematic issue
7 We encourage partnerships with organisations businesses and agencies that foster the creation of services for male survivors of abuse
We have created a Facebook Group which is also open to FRIENDS who support our cause Our group is establishing partnerships with other male survivor groups in Canada and worldwide You can contact us through the Facebook page or by emailing me at berube55yahooca
Support Groups
Robert Beacuterubeacute
Vol 2 No 2
Page 28
The CCAA By Ellen Campbell [ellenccfaacom]
Founder and Executive Director Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness
A s some of you know the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness (CCAA) is a
national non-government charitable organization dedicated to eliminat-ing child abuse through advocacy education public awareness and prevention programs With help from community and corporate partners the CCAA provides accessible support healing and indi-vidual empowerment for adult survivors their fami-lies and caregivers through over 20 programs Those that listen to classic rock station Q107 in the To-ronto region will recognize us as their charity of choice through Derringerrsquos Thir-teen Days of Christmas campaign
Based in Newmarket On-tario the CCAA is an active and vibrant organization that in addition to its variety of program offer-ings is also involved in public safety advocacy That advo-cacy started with the early release from prison of one of the perpetra-tors in the Maple Leaf Gardensrsquo child sex abuse scandal Many surviving victims were traumatized again this time by the system The
CCAA went public with its concerns that day and the public safety advocacy program was born
Later the CCAA wrote a sweeping report titled Martinrsquos Hope named in memory of Martin Kruze (the first victim to courageously go public with the story of his abuse at the Gardens and who later tragi-cally took his own life) that made 60 recommendations for legislative and policy change to the criminal justice system These recommenda-tions were gleaned from round-
table discussions with over 150 front-line criminal justice system professionals crime victims and survivors To this day members of the Kruze family sit on the CCAA Board of Directors
After the initial public release of the Martinrsquos Hope report in the fall of 2003 I knew that if repairs were to be made to the criminal justice system advocacy would have to be accelerated That advocacy began in earnest in early 2006 with the hiring of John Muise a volunteer with the CCAA and previously a Toronto police officer with signifi-cant experience in legislative and policy advocacy The hire coincided with new political winds blowing in Ottawa The CCAArsquos full-time public
safety program was born
Relationships already in existence were strength-ened new ones were made and the CCAA intensified its advocacy with politi-cians stakeholders and other decision makers In addition the CCAA courted media attention recogniz-ing the opportunity to get our message out
That advocacy included the preparation of written briefs in support of testi-mony before a number of decision making bodies including several appear-ances before the House of Commons Justice Commit-tee
ADVOCACY REWARDED The last three years have brought success on a number of fronts Progress on the criminal justice reform front is rarely if ever the result of one person or just one organization advocating for
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoMartinrsquos Hoperdquo in Memory of Martin Arnold Kruze From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 29
government Although there are specific circumstances under which the age of consent is 16 (or 18) the general age of consent remained at 14 For many in the child protection
world this has been a shame of what is otherwise a devel-oped and civilized land The fight is finally over with the passage and Royal Assent of this legisla-tion in July of 2008 This is a victory for the many people that fought the good fight and most importantly this law allows prose-cution of those adult predators who choose to sexually exploit 14
and 15 year old children
Review of federal corrections policy
In 2007 the federal government ordered an independent review of the federal corrections and parole system The CCAA attended the announcement of that review and subsequently appeared before the review team and provided detailed written recommendations for change The final report included a number of recommendations that the CCAA provided including those contained in Martinrsquos Hope A rollout of some report recommen-dations has already started includ-ing a pilot project for the use of electronic monitoring on serious and violent offenders who are on parole in communities
(Continued on page 30)
Dangerous offenders Having someone declared a dan-gerous offender is very difficult to do In fact there are fewer then 400 declared dangerous offenders in the country This amendment makes it easier to bring a dangerous offender application for a serious repeat con-victed offender before the court The end result should be we hope the detection and declaration of more dangerous offenders Dangerous offender designation is for life and results in indefinite lock-up of the offender with periodic judicial reviews
Community protection orders
Also known as ldquoSection 810rdquo orders they allow the state to monitor the activities of certain subjects mdash no longer under some form of sen-tence or other judicial release but still considered a danger mdash to be placed on a judicial order similar to a bail with control and monitoring conditions The legislation explicitly expands the controls that can be usedmdashfor example electronic moni-toringmdashand extends the length of the order from one year to two
Age of protection For longer than people care to remember advocates have fought to raise the general age of consent from 14 to 16 years of age Until recently those voices have been largely ignored by the federal
change but no one can deny the important roll played by the CCAA in advancing these reforms These are all original recommendations contained in the Martinrsquos Hope report The results as they say speak for themselves and include but are not limited to the follow-ing
Mandatory minimum sentences for Internet chi ld abuse offences
Over time courts have increasingly relied on so called ldquohouse arrestrdquo provisions (see section immediately below) when sentencing offenders found guilty of Internet child abuse and similar kinds of serious child exploitation offences The sen-tences were often way out of pro-portion to the gravity of the crimes Minimum sentences were legislated for a variety of crimes with the net effect of eliminating the ability of the court to impose ldquohouse arrestrdquo
Conditional sentences of imprisonment
Better known as ldquohouse arrestrdquo this measure brought in over a decade ago was being imposed by the courts for ever more serious of-fenders and offences Many violent and dangerous offenders were allowed to serve their term of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo at home Justice and public safety were compro-mised by this provision Although the Bill that finally passed was watered down significantly by opposition party demands the end result was a tightening of the cir-cumstances under which a sen-tence of this kind could be given
ldquoAfter the initial public
release of the Martinrsquos
Hope report in the fall
of 2003 I knew that if
repairs were to be made
to the criminal justice
system advocacy would
have to be acceleratedrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 30
munity committees and inquiries including the Federal Inquiry pre-sided over by Justice Major into the Air India bombing
Moving forward We are delighted to report that John Muise our Director of Public Safety has recently received a Governor-in-council appointment as a full-time member of the Na-tional Parole Board effective in May of 2009 Although this is a big loss
for the CCAA we are thrilled for John and we know that he will bring the same com-mitment to public safety in that position as he did with the CCAA We wish him the very best in this new and challenging role
Much progress has been made in the past three years with
more anticipated The federal gov-ernment has signaled its intention to finish the work it started and attempt a further repeal of condi-tional sentences of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo They have also said that they in-tend on amending certain aspects of parole legislation and moving on tightening up security (including drug interdiction) in federal prisons
As we kick off 2009 the CCAA has the following priorities
Enhanced training for law enforcement off icers involved in chi ld abuse
investigations The introduction of provincial ldquosafe havenrdquo legislation that would pro-
vide a distressed mother who has given birth (within 72 hours) to take her baby to a place of safety (for example fire station police station hospital emergency) no questions asked and drop the baby off The purpose is to avoid the unthinkable mdash dumpster aban-donment murder at birth This legislation exists in all 50 of the United States but has yet to to be introduced in this country
Parole reform In addition the CCAA will work with partners on two parole and corrections recommendations They include legislating breach of parole as an offence for which a police officer has a power of arrest Com-plimentary to this the replacement of statutory release (automatic release after serving two thirds of a sentence) with regular earned parole Both recommendations were included in the final report of the Corrections Review Team and had been provided with others by the CCAA
We at the CCAA believe that much has been done on the criminal justice reform and public awareness front We are grateful for the pro-gress thus far and proud of the part we have played in moving the public safety agenda along
There is still much work to be done and the CCAA will step up to carry on this most important work
Selection of judges In recognition of the importance of the justice selection process the federal government has recently expanded the scope of people selected to sit on the regional Judicial Advisory Committees tasked with vetting potential ap-pointments and providing recom-mendations to the federal Attorney General and Minister of Justice for final selection Although still dominated by judges and lawyers a wider variety of voices and minds is now part of the selection proc-ess This is welcome news I am one of those voices I sit on one of the regional committees itrsquos an appointment we can all be proud of
Gun crime and other victim focused matters
Although outside the specific man-date of the CCAA (and not included in the Martinrsquos Hope report) in recognition of the impact on com-munities and particularly at risk children and youth the CCAA also appeared before the House of Commons Committee in support of mandatory minimum sentences for serious gun crimes and for amend-ments that tighten up the bail system for those charged with serious gun-related offences
In addition several crime victim supportive briefs were prepared for a number of safe school and com-
The CCAA (Continued from page 29)
ldquoWe at the CCAA hellip are
grateful for the progress
thus far and proud of
the part we have played
in moving the public
safety agenda alongrdquo
February 2009
Page 31
higher than its current statistical significance would suggest I would suggest itrsquos about one in four of the men I deal with 25 compared to the 16 suggested in the cur-rent literature If you allow for the fact that many of the men I work with have come from dysfunctional families that have been dysfunc-tional for generations the higher rate of incidence will hardly be surprising
I really had no idea when I started this job that I would have a head-
on collision with CSA No idea at all I was in my pre-survivor life My own past experi-ences were like a dormant volcano Sure some smoke would puff out every now and then for no readily apparent rea-son but no major eruption But as I heard more and more stories told by men in their own abyss of despair and self loath-ing things started to bubble within me
I remember the first man who disclosed to me He did not really intend to He started to tell part of a story and I just knew I just knew What he did say was part of an institutional abuse situa-tion that gained public awareness in the media After that story broke many men came forward as well to tell their story of how they too were abused as boys in a school
Inside
By Geeders (Jim)
W hen I was first asked to write about my experi-ences working in a jail I
wasnrsquot really sure what I could say about it Can I say this or should I say that Was it going to be really negative or show promise of better days ahead And what about me mdashthe new me mdash dealing with issues of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) at the same time as the men I see and work with How the hell was (or is) that going to work Well it is a work in progress after all and one that seems to evolve as I change and as I become more comfortable with my own sense of a new self
Let me begin by saying that there is nothing in this article that would meet the rigours of clinical dissection Equally important I do not work with sexual offenders What I am going to say is purely my experience based on personal observation No scientific analysis can be attributed to it apart from what we already know or suspect One in six men will have been sexually assaulted or abused by the time they are 18 It has long been opined that the number of abused men is actually
setting that was really a cover for juveniles in trouble with the law
The inmate I was working with did not come forward at that time He couldnrsquot His disclosure to me was the first time he had ever said anything about his abuse No one else knew mdash no one He was alone His pain was palpable and obvious His shame and guilt were profound Never had he admitted to himself what had happened in that school let alone admitted to a total stranger until that very moment I listened to his pain tried to console him just let him cry Eventually over the course of a couple of interviews it became obvious to me why he was in jail Any self-esteem that he had as a boy or young man was destroyed by his abuse His very essence was rewritten by the men who had abused him Teens get into trouble but they can also learn to later stay out of it by fol-lowing the teachings of those they trust But for this young man his ability to trust was destroyed by the very people who were sup-posed to care for him nurture him and dare I say it love him appro-priately What was even more tragic is that this man came from a cul-ture that has low tolerance for anything that even remotely resem-bles homosexuality
Being abused sent this man on a downward spiral that ultimately turned him into a drug addict by his own admission a junkie who hated himself for what ldquohe had
(Continued on page 32)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoOver the course of
several related careers I
have seen a lot of good
being done Irsquove also
seen a lot of ugliness
that even by todayrsquos
standards defies the
most common
sensibilities we have as
human beingsldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 32
donerdquo His shame and guilt and culture prevented him saying any-thing about what happened It cut him off from any legal action that might take place and removed any sort of financial compensation that he might gain as a result of his abuse It eventually cut him off from his own family because his drug abuse prevented him from working and supporting his wife and family It destroyed his ability to be a good dad and husband A few years later I saw him back in jail again
When I did encounter him again it was with an in-creased sense of awareness within me Every time a man disclosed to me that he had been sexually abused or assaulted I started to die inside A little piece of me just died every time a man said to me what I could not say to myself or anyone else That dormant volcano started to fume a bit more regularly
Over the course of several related careers I have seen a lot of good being done Irsquove also seen a lot of ugliness that even by todayrsquos standards defies the most common sensibilities we have as human beings It exists Itrsquos around every corner if we choose to look at it Along with the ugly we have the good We have people who are willing to take a stand and come forward to say to the world ldquoWe
Inside (Continued from page 31)
have a problem here itrsquos not going to go away and it needs to be fixedrdquo I had the good fortune to meet many of these people last year at a conference on male sex-ual victimization By then I had been able to learn from the men that I serve that perhaps I too could learn to tell someone Could I be a survivor too
Men in jail are there for a reason Whether itrsquos to protect society while they await trial or from
themselves or while sentenced they are here Whether I think they should be here is irrelevant They are usually at the end of their ropes Their lives are upside down and in turmoil They are frequently in withdrawal from illicit drug use They are in the bottom of a pit from which there does not appear to be an escape or refuge They are desperate and will act desperately
if needed They are angry and no longer have any control over their lives Someone has taken that control away from them They have no choice but to comply Failure to comply results in loss of privileges which can include being prohibited from contact with those they love the most Forced co-habitation with other men can evoke strong memories of prior abuse which they cannot deal with let alone understand It can be isolation
They are alone and cannot speak about their issues for fear of being discovered and further stigmatized and trau-matized by a peer group that cannot tolerate differences or diversity
I have been fortunate in that for some reason men trust me and feel safe and able to disclose And when they do you can see the relief on their faces They are scared for sure but it has always seemed to be a relief I have to ask them I have no choice because itrsquos part of my job But now as a survivor myself I can tell them they are not alone I cannot tell them about me but I can tell them they are not alone that they
are among the approximately one in six men who are assaulted or abused when they are boys or young men I can tell them about the few resources we have avail-able for men which are a 100 improvement compared to what they had when they first walked into my office I tell them about MaleSurvivor and have MS posters up in my office I can tell them that
ldquoTougher than lsquoNamrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 33
Maybe not I prefer to think that I have shown them that there is hope There is life in being a survi-vor they donrsquot have to be held hostage any longer by a secret that was put upon them by an abuser I prefer to think that I have been able to show them that they do not have to be ashamed for being male When I speak with them Irsquom a straight shooter I calls rsquoem as I sees lsquoem I use words they can understand mdash street language mdash which helps them understand their bodies and to understand that Mother Nature made them to be reactive and responsive I tell them that simply because their bodies reacted that their bodies re-sponded while being abused did not make the abuse their fault It takes a while to get there at times But the relief when the penny drops and they realize that they themselves were in no way respon-sible for the abuse is quite remark-able
Just this week Irsquove been working with a man who actually smiled when he came into my office He said ldquoI finally get it It wasnrsquot my faultrdquo He then went on to tell me that immediately prior to his at-tending in my office he had just disclosed to his sister while on the phone in his jail area surrounded by other inmates While it was perhaps not the safest venue for a disclosure he made his own deci-sion He said he was taking control As a 35 year old this man has not been in control since he was first abused at age seven Subsequent abuse only reinforced for him that he was an object a thing not worth anything Relationship after relationship failed him as he con-tinued to relive issues of abandon-
there are over 6000 people regis-tered at MS and that when they get out they will find tremendous support at the MS website I can tell them about Weekends of Re-covery without disclosing that attending a WOR was one of the best things I have done with my life They will know that they are no longer alone And not once has anyone asked me directly about me If they did I could not reply which in a round about way is a reply But I cannot reply Why The institution that I work in can be as intolerant of differences and diver-sity as the inmates are of each other The whole notion of male abuse and assault simply does not exist It is not spoken of It will not be spoken of mdash until now
Because abuse is now spoken of I have been able to create a support network for inmates and for myself Itrsquos a small step but a step never-theless Itrsquos spoken of now at a level never before reached in terms of official support and direction Support has yet to be defined but I have a mandate now to do a better job for male survivors Itrsquos on paper Itrsquos my goal
Safety of all concerned has to remain first and foremost mdash safety for the inmate safety for me With inmates disclosing to me often for the first time I am struck by what happens next A huge can of worms is opened And for what There is little safety here little opportunity to follow up The court system tosses these men around like dice One day they are here the next they are God knows where Have I done something that perhaps I shouldnrsquot have Maybe
ment physical and sexual abuse sexual orientation confusion anger management substance abuse domestic violence self respect low self esteem boundaries mdash these and much more impact upon this man daily But hersquos making a start Itrsquos another chance We all need them
I would be remiss to not mention the support of my colleagues Some of them do know about me and they have been tremendously supportive and understanding They too share a belief that it is possible for men to become survivors I cannot imagine doing this work everyday without their ongoing support I love you guys
The resources I refer to are few the Menrsquos Project in Ottawa The Gate-house in Toronto as well as local sexual assault centres I discovered on my own road to recovery that our local sexual assault centre does in fact offer services to men but does not advertise this due to the fear of being inundated with refer-rals They simply are not equipped to handle what surely lies out in my community When the report of the Cornwall Inquiry comes out later this year it is my belief that it will force our government our society to re-examine how its treatment of boys and men is provided Hope-fully those who are like I was feeling alone fearful uncomfortable in their own skin will feel more enabled to come forward to shed that skin that was put on them by their abuser(s) and step out of the ordinary letting their souls ascend and become free
Vol 2 No 2
Page 34
A History of Male Survi-vor Services in Queacutebec
and First Nations Communities
By Caroline Benamza (dance and drama therapistpsychotherapist at CRIPHASE)
And by Benoicirct St Jean (Director of CRIPHASE)
Contact Tel +1-514-529-55-67 Email infocriphaseorg
Website wwwcriphaseorg
T he latest statistics in Queacutebec show that one out of every six men has been sexually
abused before the age of 18 but there are very few statistics regard-ing male survivors and this estima-tion is only based on reported abuse Most adult men or boys who are survivors go unnoticed because most of the services in Queacutebec are exclusively for women In 2008 the male population in Queacutebec was about 3800000 of which about 3000000 are above 20 years of age (from the Institut de la Statistique) Therefore we can estimate that in Queacutebec there are around 500000 male survivors actually visible within the different health care services justice system and police departments The num-ber is already frightening for a seemingly peaceful society like Queacutebec When it comes to Native American communities as many as 80 of boys have been sexually abused before the age of 18 This number is quite similar mdash but for different reasons mdash to the male population within the Federal or Provincial prisons
The reality of male survivors of sexual abuse in childhood has remained in the dark for years in Queacutebec and it is only in the last four years that the government has acknowledged the necessity of funding counseling services for male survivors Historically it can be explained The first services for survivors have been developed since the 1960s within the very strong Queacutebeacutecois feminist move-ments The women have built along the years a strong network of ser-vices for female vic-tims of sexual abuse and domestic vio-lence Today these services still exist as the CALACS (Centres dAide et de Lutte contre les Agressions agrave Caractegravere Sexuel = Sexual Assault Cen-tres) network for survivors of sexual abuse Due to a strong belief in pro-viding a safe haven for women survivors men were turned away from these services and had nowhere to go Only two survivorsrsquo centres in the Montreal area outside the CALACS network welcomed men but those men represent only 5 of clients
This situation became obvious when the CAVAC (Centre drsquoAide pour les Victime drsquoActes Criminels = Crime Victims Assistance Centres) started to provide counseling ser-
vices to victims of criminal acts who wished to press charges and go through a court procedure The first services in Queacutebec for male survivors therefore came from a strong need in the society In 1996 the CAVAC decided to fund an experimental program directed by Denis Reneacute to offer a support group for male survivors This program was named the PHASE Groups (Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = For Men Sexually Abused in Child-
hood) With the suc-cess of these first groups between 1996 and 1997 the CAVAC of Montreal tried to secure funding for the continuation of services Unfortu-nately the PHASE Groups suffered from the double status it carried within the government the Minister of Justice that was the main funder of the CAVAC refused to fund a counseling service supposedly to be funded by the Health Minister Later the Health Minister turned down the
funding because as part of CAVAC the program should have been funded by the Minister of Justice
So it was in 1997 that Denis Reneacute decided to secure the future of the PHASE Groups by registering them
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoWhen it comes to
Native American
communities as many
as 80 of boys have
been sexually abused
before the age of 18
This number is quite
similarmdashbut for different
reasonsmdashto the male
population within the
Federal or Provincial
prisonsrdquo
February 2009
Page 35
intimacy and sexuality issues) and PHASE Artistique (a 10 weeks art and movement therapy program) with a holistic approach to body and mind recovery
In 2008 the very first weekend of recovery (named PHASE Weekend) was created and CRIPHASE wishes to make the weekend an annual event In 2003 for the first time
CRIPHASE became a full member of the Table de Concertation en Agressions Sexuelles (a gathering of several organizations providing services to survivors in addition to representatives from the Justice the Health Minister and the police) This cooperation allows a better understanding of survivor issues and needs as well as a better coor-
within a non-profit organization that took the name CRIPHASE (Centre de Resources et drsquointervention Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = Resource and Intervention Centre for Men who have been Sexually Abused in Childhood) For 10 years the Groups have survived on pri-vate funding and have provided two recovery Groups called PHASE 1 and PHASE 2 Each PHASE is a 10-week program serving non-offending male survivors over 18 years of age and of all sexual orienta-tions With its first public funding in 2004 of $38000 a director was en-gaged by the board of administration and in 2008 the PSOC (a funding body within the agency of Health and Social Services) fi-nally secured the future of CRIPHASE with a first major funding rooting CRIPHASE in the circle of sexual abuse survivors centres
Since 2006 CRIPHASE has devel-oped a major politics of visibility through the media conferences and meetings with the different actors of the Queacutebeacutecois stage Three more programs have been developed within CRIPHASE PHASE Conjoint (for partners of male survivors) PHASE Sexo (a 10 weeks program of recovery focusing on
dination of services on the ground From within the Table CRIPHASE has been able to educate people on the issue of male survivors and participate or initiate projects such as the Information Guide for Sexual Assault Victims and the first pre-vention mobilization and aware-ness march for sexual abuse survi-vors in 2008 The presence of CRIPHASE at the Table has also
allowed the feminists within the CALACS to have a better under-standing of the suffer-ing of male survivors who are also victims in their own way of an old patriarchal system CRIPHASE was also finally incorporated in the CALACS coordina-tion groupmdashcalled Table des CALACS mdash in 2008
Until 2008 there were no services provided in English (Queacutebec is a French-speaking province where Eng-lish speakers are a minority) due to lack of funding to translate the PHASE 1 docu-ments and employ English-speaking therapists The project
to offer groups in English had been put aside for years but finally in 2008 the first groups of PHASE 1 and 2 opened for English speakers The PHASE Artistique and PHASE Weekend are now bilingual pro-grams
(Continued on page 36)
Phone calls received at CRIPHASE
male survivors
therapists
relatives and loved ones
other
The average male survivor using the services at CRIPHASE is aged between 35 and 55
Vol 2 No 2
Page 36
Male survivors in the Native American
communities Recovery programs within Native American communities are only starting Many Native American men were sexually abused as well as psychologically and emotionally abused when they were sent to boarding schools across the province for assimila-tion The effects of this traumatic experience (including historic trauma) can be seen in all First Nations of Queacutebec Algonquians Cris Innus Abenakis Innuits Micmacs and so forth Today there is a strong need of heal-ing for this lost gen-eration but traumatic experiences and con-sequences have been passed on to the next generations Unfortu-nately sexual abuse is one of these problems which need to be addressed through prevention and coun-seling in a way that will integrate Native American traditions and their holistic ap-proach to medicine Such programs already exist within some communi-ties Organizations like GRIPMA (Groupe de Recherches et dInter-ventions Psychosociales en Milieu Autochtone = Research and Inter-vention group in Aboriginal Com-munities) located in the Huron
History of Male Survivor Services (Continued from page 35)
community of Wendake (near Queacute-bec city) provide a clinical expertise in intervention within Native Ameri-can communities On the other side the Aboriginal Healing Foun-dation based in Ottawa is currently funding 16 recovery projects for the First Nations in Queacutebec ad-dressing sexual abuse addiction prevention of suicide boarding schools trauma etc until 2010
Last year the publication of the five-year funding plan on sexual abuse by the provincial govern-ment of Queacutebec has seen the recognition of male survivors as a population in great need of ser-vices It has also recognized the necessity of providing services to the First Nations communities
Things are changing in Queacutebec for male survivors Because CRIPHASE is the only organization providing support and counseling to men in Queacutebec who have been sexually abused in childhood there is great hope for an increase of funding this year The constant develop-ment of CRIPHASE and the increase in phone calls and numbers of guys within the services (in 2008-
2009 there will be seven groups of PHASE 1 in-stead of five the year before) also show that men in Queacutebec are get-ting the right information on sexual abuse and services and are being encouraged to look for help and engage in re-covery
If you are one of these men in Queacutebec we are waiting for your call Remember you are not alone
For the annual march event please visit wwwmarchevasca (Information for the May 2009 march will be on line from February 2009)
Quilt Square by a Native Child from Alberta From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 37
MaleSurvivor is men surviving sexual abuse in Canada we will start with Canadarsquos sad legacy of abuse of children by clergy
A Brief Incomplete Canadian History
In Canada our First Nations People have had to bear the legacy of abuse they endured in Canadarsquos notorious residential schools Cur-rent issues of addictions and family and mental health problems amongst our First Nations people can be traced back to the legacy of abuse experienced by Native chil-dren in residential schools
Around 1874 the federal government began working with the churches (Catholic Anglican United and Presbyte-rian) to set up the Residential School System as a means to suppress Native cul-ture and promote assimilation In gen-eral children between the ages of five and 16 were taken from their parents and sent to church-run residen-tial schools The extent of the abuse in these church-run schools has been referred to as the ldquoCanadian Holocaustrdquo Recently the Canadian Government formed the Truth and Reconciliation Commis-sion (TRC) as part of the court-approved Indian Residential Schools Settlement Agreement The
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious
Leader By Nancy N Mayer MSW RSW
Partner Crisci amp Mayer Consultation Counselling and
Training Toronto wwwckmconsultationcom
Introduction
L ikely all the readers of this newsletter have knowledge and expertise about men
being physically sexually and emotionally abused Research tells us that abusers can come from any
walk of life and most often are known to the child or adult In the last decade abuse by clergy has finally ldquocome out of the closetrdquo so to
speak thanks to those brave survi-vors who have made public their experiences of being abused by clergy More than ever survivor groups are encouraging victims to report these crimes to the police and to consider seeking civil re-dress for their injuries Many groups believe that change in churches will only come when they are held accountable for the abuse perpetrated by clergy
This article will attempt to address the distinctive issues that are com-mon to this population of survivors Because the focus of this issue of
purpose of the commission is not to determine guilt or innocence but to create an historical account of the residential schools help people to heal and encourage reconciliation between Aboriginal and non-aboriginal Canadians
The notorious Mount Cashel Or-phanage is another Canadian leg-acy of sexual abuse by clergy This facility was operated in Newfound-land by the Christian Brothers More than a dozen priests were convicted after decades of abusing young boys at the orphanage
Mount Cashel Or-phanage closed in 1989 just six months after allegations of sexual physical and emotional abuse were published by the media (For more in depth information see Harris Michael Unholy Orders Trag-edy at Mount Cashel Ontario Viking Press 1990)
Like the US there have been hundreds and perhaps thou-sands of cases of children and vulner-
able adults abused by clergy in every religious denomination Unlike the US our country is not bound as strictly by statutes of limitations so lawsuits can proceed more freely Our sentences for convicted clerical sex offenders are
(Continued on page 38)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Nancy N Mayer
ldquo[First Nations] children
between the ages of five
and 16 were taken from
their parents and sent to
church-run residential
schools The extent of
the abuse in these
church-run schools has
been referred to as the
lsquoCanadian Holocaustrsquoldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 38
nowhere near as severe as those of our American neighbours Most first offenders will not serve a day in jail The civil awards for personal inju-ries are also quite low Our court system promotes set-tling these cases out of court When a case fails to go to trial it is not part of the public re-cord The widespread use of confidentiality orders media fatigue and Canadian reserve means that it is impos-sible to obtain accurate statistics on how often men are abused by clergy or even the ex-tent of the problem in this country
The Authority of Rel igious Leaders Religious organizations have always played a central role in our so-cieties They provide moral ethical and spiritual guidance Reli-gious teachings have given us a context and meaning for our lives Most religious belief revolves around a divine power or God Religious leaders (ministers priests rabbis elders nuns) are thought to be Godrsquos earthly repre-sentatives and are treated with reverence and respect They have intimate involvement with families and children at such vulnerable times as an illness death or other family crises They may have access
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 37)
to confidential information by virtue of their roles of confessor or counsellor A child brought up by religious parents is taught to re-spect these men and women Oth-ers associated with churches mdash choir leaders teachers cantors youth group leaders mdash are also considered trustworthy by virtue of their close
association with their religious organizations Most parents en-courage their childrenrsquos participa-tion in church-based activities believing them to be safe and wholesome
These leaders are considered to be esteemed authorities and as repre-sentatives of God wield a great deal of power Depending on the faith group there may be teachings
that support an unquestioning adherence to their instructions and guidance This makes children and vulnerable adults particularly sus-ceptible to exploitation by this group because they have access opportunity and trust
Misuse of Power Perpetrators can utilize their positions of power and trust to gain access to their victims some-times for extended periods of uninterrupted time They may tell children that they are being asked to ldquoserve Godrdquo or that they or their families will be punished if they do not do as instructed Chil-dren may be threatened with eternal damnation or blamed for leading the religious leader into sin If the religion con-siders premarital sex or same sex contacts as sinful the guilt will be compounded
In most cases the victim will not disclose or may disclose but not be
believed A child will have a difficult time convincing adults that he or she has been victimized The vic-timrsquos family culture or communi-ties have been socialized to see their religious leaders as unques-tionably good and incapable of lies This can lead to others denying or minimizing the victimrsquos experience of abuse The victim is initially harmed by the abuser and then is revictimized by those who cannot
ldquoMay Hope be Passed through Every Handrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 39
institutionrsquos response and lack of compassion and pastoral care
The Impact on Spir ituality
The frequently used term ldquosoul murderrdquo aptly describes what hap-pens when the abuser is a religious leader When the response of the religious institu-tion to a disclosure of abuse is experienced as self-serving and uncaring the survivor will likely lose his faith in the religious community of which he has been a part To belong and to feel connected is a basic human need When abused by clergy the loss of connection and belonging to what may have been a spiritual anchor can be devastating
To compound the harm the abuse may have occurred in a religious building The abuser may have worn traditional cleri-cal attire or may have made religious or biblical refer-ences As a result being exposed to religious symbols music or any other reminder can trigger flashbacks and other uncomfortable physical symptoms
The cleric is often considered Godrsquos representative on earth This gives the cleric power that surpasses his position and status When abuse is at the hands of a minister nun
accept that their spiritual leaders are capable of abuse There are many stories of clergy abuse survi-vors being abandoned by their religious communities (who side with the cleric) and their families who cannot face leaving the church that has given their lives meaning and comfort The resultant feelings of betrayal and abandonment are profound
The Role of the Religious Inst itutions
When religious institutions hold themselves up as ethical compasses and arbitrators of right and wrong society has an expectation that church leaders will act in a fair and moral way Many US Commissions and Grand Juries and Canadian reports such as the Winter Com-mission Report (Archdiocese of St Johns Newfoundland Canada 1990) Child Abuse in Community Institutions and Organizations and Improving Public and Professional Understanding (prepared for the Law Commission of Canada) all record and explain the dynamics that have lead to the failure of religious institutions to protect our children
While it is well known that any institution mdash educational recrea-tional or spiritual mdash is not immune from having sex offenders in its midst the religious institutions have a particular legacy of protect-ing the institution through aggres-sive legal tactics versus truth telling and reconciliation Many victims state that they have been less wounded by the actual abuse and profoundly more damaged by the
priest rabbi minister or elder the recipient of the abuse may experi-ence profound guilt for ldquoparticipatingrdquo in ldquosinfulrdquo behaviour mdash a mistaken belief that he is respon-sible for the abuse or shame that
he has ldquosinnedrdquo He may believe he is deserving of rejection or eternal damnation If he confesses he risks exposing the cleric who has likely done what he could to trick the victim into believing that he must maintain silence and secrecy One survivor describes feeling that rdquoIt was like being abused by God him-self If even God couldnrsquot love me how could anyone else ever love merdquo
These factors alone can leave a man who has been abused by clergy unable to find comfort and solace in what used to be his spiritual beliefs and his church Without these familiar beliefs the survivor is aban-
doned and alone when he most needs support
The Role of Gender While woman are ordained in some denominations there is still an imbalance of power between men and women in many religious tradi-tions For boys and men abused by male clerics embarrassment and
(Continued on page 40)
ldquoThe frequently used
term lsquosoul murderrsquo aptly
describes what happens
when the abuser is a
religious leader When
the response of the
religious institution to a
disclosure of abuse is
experienced as self-
serving and uncaring
the survivor will likely
lose his faith in the
religious community of
which he has been
a partrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 40
concerns of how they will be per-ceived promote silence For the boy or man abused by a female cleric there may be worries that he will be labelled the seducer or pres-sured to consider this ldquorelationshiprdquo as non-abusive
The study conducted by the John Jay Col-lege of Criminal Jus-tice regarding The Nature and Scope of the Problem of Sexual Abuse of Minors by Priests and Deacons in the Catholic Church (Washington DC USCCB 2004) found some very disturbing information about the age and gender of victims The largest group of reported victims (509) was between the ages of 11 and 14 273 of victims were 15 to 17 16 were eight to 10 and nearly 6 were under age seven Overall 81 of vic-tims were male and 19 female Male victims tended to be older than female victims Over 40 of all victims were males between the ages of 11 and 14
The largest group of reported victims in this study consisted of boys who were entering puberty This is a tumultuous time in most
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 39)
young menrsquos lives To have this period of development disrupted can contribute to many mental health problems including lack of confidence disruption of emo-tional sexual and psycho-social development isolation sexual identity confusion depression anxiety and abuse of substances
In Summary The harm experienced by those
who are abused by clergy is profound and multifaceted Some therapists will not want to work with survivors of clergy abuse due to the complexity of their issues their limited knowledge of the subject area possible religious biases and potential for litigation Most (but certainly not all) survivors will have experienced revictimization by their churches or religious institutions This compounded by abuse by a religious leader in a position of power will under-standably lead to unique challenges Survivors will have
significant trust issues that can impede the forming of a trusting therapeutic relationship with a therapist who will also be in a position of power and may be an employee of an institution With transparency and skill on the part of the therapist and tenacity on the part of the survivor effective thera-
peutic partnership can be achieved While recovery is difficult it is possible
The irony is that many survivors of abuse by clergy have a strong sense of integrity morality and perseverance They learned the lessons that the ldquoreligiousrdquo offend-ers failed to learn At the core of their beings these clergy abuse survivors are the prophets who have come to speak the truth and reveal the abuse and the decep-tions It is this desire for social justice truth telling belonging and connection that will allow a healthy spiritual belief system to rise out of the ashes of what has happened It is this healthy spiritual belief that makes many clergy abuse survivors persistent and tenacious in seeking recovery and social justice They are making a difference and chang-ing the world as we know it
ldquoThe harm experienced
by those who are
abused by clergy is
profound and
multifaceted Some
therapists will not want
to work with survivors
of clergy abuse due to
the complexity of their
issues their limited
knowledge of the
subject area possible
religious biases and
potential for litigationldquo
February 2009
Page 41
tion of it earlier in the lsquo90s but 1997 is when there was a critical mass of mostly male survivors coming forward and taking action against Maple Leaf Gardens Your question specifically was ldquoDid it play a role in my choice of ca-reersrdquo
MS Yes
SJ Yes and no The Maple Leaf
Gardens cases were not my first sexual assault cases but my in-volvement in these cases solidified my interest and desire to help sur-vivors
MS Could you take a few minutes to explain to our readers just what the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal was and why it has played a central role in revealing the extent of sex-ual abuse at least in the Toronto area
of my clients will say something like ldquoYou know this is not about the money I donrsquot care how much I get this is about something elserdquo And whatever that person seeks mdash an apology or the empowerment of filing a lawsuit or a million other unique things mdash that is why I do this kind of work Itrsquos about helping people through whatever process they need in order to begin that healing process the moving forward process
MS And also to provide your clients with a sense of justice
SJ Absolutely Justice is really not about the money itrsquos about the knowledge that theyrsquove come forward theyrsquove done something and theyrsquove empowered themselves It takes a tre-mendous amount of courage to do that I am always in awe of my cli-ents for the amount of courage they have They are my inspiration
MS Many Americans are unaware of the so-called Maple Leaf Gar-dens sex scandal that began some-time in the 1960s but didnrsquot come to wide public attention until 1997 the year after you began practicing law Did this scandal have some affect on your choice of career
SJ Actually the scandal did come to prominence before 1997 There was scattered media atten-
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 1)
SJ Sure There was a series of men who were employed at Maple Leaf Gardens which was the home of the Toronto Maple Leafs mdash the hockey club mdash who over a period of a couple of decades sexually abused probably hundreds of chil-dren It started in the lsquo60s it went on we believe until the early lsquo80s There were two principal men in-volved but there were at least three
others who also were ac-cused In order to under-stand why the Maple Leaf Gardens sex scandals are as important as they are you have to understand that hockey in Toronto and hockey in Canada is almost a religion Hockey is to Canadians what the NFL or Major League Baseball is to Americans Every little boy dreams of about becoming the next Wayne Gretzky becoming the best hockey player he can be Maple Leaf Gar-dens was the home of one of the best loved and biggest hockey teams mdash the Toronto Maple Leafs The Gardens was the high
temple of hockey in Canada and still is In the lsquo60s lsquo70s and even the lsquo80s children mdash mostly boys mdash would go to Maple Leaf Gardens usually unaccompanied by their parents because back then nobody really thought that anything bad would happen to them at the Gar-dens The boys would go there ei-ther for practice games or to watch the Maple Leafs play or more likely they would go to watch To-
(Continued on page 42)
ldquoMaple Leaf Gardens in Memory of Martin Kruzerdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 42
ronto Marlies games The Marlies were the farm team for the Toronto Maple Leafs During these games and these practices the pedophiles who worked at the Gardenrsquos would often befriend these boys seeking out boys who were more vulner-able than others most likely and would sexually assault the boys sometimes off-property but most often within the Gardens itself They would use their position as employees of the Gardens to be able to say to the boys if you come with me Irsquoll get you a broken hockey stick or hockey puck or Irsquoll get you into better seats the next game or whatever other type of inducement would be necessary to get the boys to go with them into either a washroom or a training room or other private place where the boys would be sexually abused
In 1997 there were about 50 or 60 cases all joined to-gether and Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Entertainment Ltd wanted to settle all the cases prior to the Toronto Maple Leafs moving into a new hockey rink called the Air Canada Center so as to have a clean slate at the new rink By and large a lot of the litigation was fin-ished before the team moved into the Air Canada Center but not all of it In fact there are probably 17 or 19 cases going through the court
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 41)
system today more than 10 years after the original large group of plaintiffs went through the court and I believe that new people will continue to come forward when they are strong enough
MS I understand that one of the principal plaintiffs in the case Mar-tin Kruze had settled with the owners or the operators of the Ma-ple Leaf Gardens in 1995 and that he signed a confidentiality agree-ment not to reveal the settlement
or perhaps even the details of what had happened to him Do you think that the confidentiality agree-ment Mr Kruze agreed to slowed down or hindered the full exposure of this scandal
SJ I think that any confidentiality agreement blocks public access to knowledge and to understanding so I do suspect that Martinrsquos confi-dentiality agreement did have some impact on the scandal re-
maining hidden for as long as it did Absolutely yes I believe that confidentiality agreements are in-herently difficult for plaintiffs be-cause they create and continue a cycle of secrecy Sexual assault is a crime that is almost always carried out in secret and the guilt and shame it produces is key in helping pedophiles maintain their hold over their victims Putting a confidential-ity agreement on a settlement just perpetuates the guilt and the shame
MS Unfortunately Martin Kruzersquos principal perpetrator received a shockingly light sen-tence for all his actions and I understand that this led to Martin com-mitting suicide shortly afterwards
SJ I would think that the perpetratorrsquos sentence was a part of why Martin chose to end his life yes It hap-pened relatively shortly after the sentencing and I suspect that it weighed heavily on Martinrsquos decision
MS Do you think that the sen-tence that the perpetrator received was a reflection of the then current attitude towards pedophiles and sexual abuse
SJ The sentence that the perpe-trator received was a reflection on the way that the Canadian justice system deals with criminals regard-ing personal crimes absolutely It was a very low sentence in keep-
Imants Kruze visiting his sonrsquos memorial quilt square in the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 43
obtain here versus how much they can obtain in the United States In the United States there is no cap for pain and suffering awards whereas here in Canada there is a very small cap mdash about $325000 If a survivor of sexual assault goes through the court system and even if they have a very good day in court in terms of compensation yoursquore probably looking at an award for dam-ages somewhere be-tween $200000 and $500000 Sometimes itrsquos actually less than $200000 and very very rarely more than $500000 so in that sense we are defi-nitely behind But I donrsquot think itrsquos a question of waiting 10 years to see if we ldquocatch uprdquo I think itrsquos just a fundamental difference in how our court system works and whatrsquos available to survivors in terms of compensation
If you mean that Canada is 10 years behind in dealing with other aspects of sexual assault then you are probably correct in terms of media attention public awareness and outrage Sexual assault is still largely an unreported unprose-cuted crime But things are getting better every day and as more and more survivors come forward posi-tive changes will continue to hap-pen
MS As Irsquom sure you know therersquos periodic discussion about tort re-
ing with what was handed out at the time and to a large extent itrsquos still in keeping with what is handed out right now
MS Are you still representing or have you represented anyone who is a plaintiff in this scandal
SJ I was very much involved in the core group of Maple Leaf Gar-dens survivors that came forward in 1997 I was on what was called the plaintiffsrsquo committee back then which was a group of a few lawyers who brought the litigation forward I represented a number of plaintiffs in the original group that came forward I have also represented quite a few men throughout the last 10 years and currently repre-sent two men in the last group of plaintiffs to come forward I have also been approached by at least two other men who may decide to pursue litigation
MS Dale English mdash who has spo-ken to you at some length mdash has said to me that either you or he or both of you have felt that Canada is perhaps 10 or more years behind the US in dealing with the issues of sexual abuse and sexual assault Could you elaborate on that com-ment
SJ I think it depends on what you mean by dealing with the is-sues If you mean dealing with the issues in terms of bringing civil cases forward to a certain extent we are behind One of the funda-mental differences between the United States and Canada is the way that our tort systems operate and specifically the amount of compensation that tort victims can
form in the United States mainly aimed at capping punitive dam-ages Irsquom wondering whether there is the mirror of that in Canada mdash whether therersquos any movement to-wards tort reform that would allow greater awards to victims
SJ Well there is and there isnrsquot In Canada itrsquos very difficult if not
impossible to get pu-nitive damages espe-cially if therersquos a criminal conviction The punitive damages that are available in Canada are very low A typical punitive damage award would be $20000 or $25000 - usually not much more than that So damages are quite restricted here in any event In terms of tort reform I think there is a global push by in-surance companies to
try to limit compensation whether in the States or here The things that the American Association of Justice are fighting for down in the States are the same things that the Ontario Trial Lawyers Association are fighting for here mdash the continued ability to sue for compensation un-hampered by legislative roadblocks benefitting powerful institutional defendants to the detriment of those who have suffered Ours is a much smaller playing field and therefore less money is at stake In terms of plaintiffsrsquo lawyers wersquore trying to maximize the compensa-tion that we can get for our client Every time we go to court we try
(Continued on page 44)
ldquoIf you mean that
Canada is 10 years
behind in dealing with
other aspects of sexual
assault then you are
probably correct in
terms of media
attention public
awareness and outrageldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 44
to get a higher damage award so that that case will be a building block for future cases There are always attempts to try to circum-vent the cap on pain and suffering damages that we have Itrsquos not an easy thing to do the cap has been in place in Canada for 32 years now It was put in place in 1977 by the Supreme Court of Canada and itrsquos unlikely to be overturned any-time soon Even though from a purely theoretical legal analysis that cap does not apply to pain and suffering damages for victims of sexual assault and sexual abuse the reality is that judges still use that cap as a high water mark even though it doesnrsquot formally apply mdash it is still a de facto cap and to be honest with you it is almost impos-sible to get anywhere near that cap for compensation for pain and suf-fering A typical pain and suffering award in Canada for childhood sex-ual abuse is somewhere between $100000 and $200000 Anything on top of that would be associated economic loss or care costs
MS Itrsquos quite unfortunate that even though therersquos no real cap the law behaves as if there were one
SJ Yep I couldnrsquot agree with you more Itrsquos very unfortunate
MS I understand that in 2005 the government of Ontario convened whatrsquos known as the Cornwall Pub-lic Inquiry Was the Inquiry con-vened to address the issues of sex-ual abuse and sexual assault and
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 43)
the way the justice system is han-dling it
SJ Thatrsquos probably one of the reasons the Inquiry was convened Thatrsquos one of the hopes The In-quiry was convened because of what was going on in a little city east of Toronto mdash a series of allega-tions against very prominent mem-bers of that community involving the sexual abuse of children over a period of many many years The idea behind the Inquiry is to try to figure out what happened and to put in place some recommenda-tions that will not only stop some-thing like the abuse in Cornwall from happening again but will also try to help those who were affected by the events in the first place And to some extent I think some good will come of the Inquiry Hopefully the recommendations will be good for survivors of childhood sexual abuse or any kind of sexual assault The Submission phase of the In-quiry officially ended late February 2009
MS Did you have the opportunity to testify before the Inquiry
SJ I did not personally testify before the Inquiry Testimony was generally limited to the people ac-tually involved mdash police officers vic-tims what not I was involved in the Inquiry with regards to a panel discussionroundtable that they had regarding the use of confiden-tiality agreements
MS As you probably know Male-Survivor was first founded in the early 1980s by a group of thera-pists who were concerned about support for victims of childhood
sexual abuse and although Male-Survivor is still not a very large or-ganization it has increased its in-fluence significantly over the years and Irsquom wondering whether there is a similar non-profit or other group in Canada that also is dedi-cated to helping victims of child-hood sexual abuse
SJ There are some grass roots organizations that deal with victims of childhood sexual abuse or adult sexual assault I donrsquot believe there is as cohesive a unit as MaleSurvi-vor I may be wrong on that but there are smaller more community based organizations that assist sur-vivors That being said resources available to survivors are unfortu-nately pretty limited
MS Is that because there are too few therapists in that form of prac-tice
SJ I think itrsquos a mixture of many different things First of all Canada has a much smaller population base mdash 30 million people as com-pared to 300 million in the United States mdash so you have significantly fewer people affected and there-fore you have significantly fewer resources available to those people The services that we do have will often have very long waiting lists before people can access them There are some very very good counselors in Canada assisting sur-vivors but unfortunately the waiting lists are sometimes long and the availability for public funding to provide services free of charge is somewhat limited
MS Is there anything in your opinion about the Canadian health
February 2009
Page 45
system that contributes to the scar-city of services
SJ I donrsquot know if itrsquos the Cana-dian health system I think that in Canada we have a pretty good public health system in the sense that anybody who needs medical services can access those services free of charge The problem is that a lot of these services are not covered under our health system per se Many are covered under either private plans or pay as you go type services and itrsquos just a question of finding the people who can provide these services and being lucky enough to get them when they either donrsquot have a waiting list or other-wise having to wait until your name comes up on that waiting list
MS And that could takes years in some cases it seems
SJ My understanding is that those waiting lists can be quite long but there are very good peo-ple out there Itrsquos just a question of finding them and being able to afford them
MS Can you elaborate on other differences between the US and Canada that affect the way survi-vors and perpetrators are treated by the legal system and the media
SJ The differences between Can-ada and the US are really huge On the surface Americans and Canadi-ans look pretty much the same dress the same talk the same eat the same foods and by and large watch the same TV but culturally there is a huge difference in the way we look at the world in the
way our legal system works and the way that people interact with one another
Americans are much more litigious by na-ture I think this is due to the fact that in the United States mdash at least as seen from the outside mdash the rights of the individual are paramount In Can-ada less so Canada is much more commu-nity-oriented We of-tentimes think about how something is going to affect others instead of looking at what an individual might be entitled to I think that the high
damage awards available through the American legal system are beneficial in sexual abuse cases as is the lack of a cap on awards which we have
In some ways though our legal system is much better for my cli-ents than the US system would be because of the way that our actual process works One of the things that I know is very damaging to a lot of plaintiffs in the United States is the whole discovery process tak-
ing depositions Depositions can go on for a huge number of days and pretty much everybody in the per-sonrsquos life can be called to give a deposition That is very troubling and painful for people who donrsquot necessarily want others to know about their abuse or donrsquot want to involve their family Here in Canada depositions mdash or what we call the examination for discovery mdash are lim-ited to the actual named parties in the lawsuit The defendant and the plaintiff are examined for discovery or deposed if you will Anyone who is not an actual party to the litiga-tion can only be discovered under court orders and itrsquos very difficult to get those court orders so in that sense itrsquos a much quicker cleaner process and less intrusive on some-onersquos life So that is probably a good thing
The other really huge difference between the two systems which I think does in fact impact on why a lot of these cases settle as opposed to going to court and oftentimes settle for very different amounts of money than they would if they went to court is that in Canada we have a ldquoloser paysrdquo system If you go to court and you lose you have to pay at least a portion of the fees incurred by the other side Letrsquos say the defendantrsquos settlement offer is $100000 If the plaintiff does not accept that $100000 and at trial the plaintiff gets $99000 then the plaintiff has to pay the lawyerrsquos fees of the defendant because the award is less than the settlement offer That is very difficult That means that a lot of cases are set-tled for probably less money than
(Continued on page 46)
ldquoOn the surface
Americans and
Canadians look pretty
much the same hellip but
culturally there is a
huge difference in the
way we look at the
world in the way our
legal system works and
the way that people
interact with one
anotherldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 46
MS I join you in that hope Any-thing that can advance the cause of not only helping people but also helping prevent further abuses is always going to be welcome If you could set forth a vision of how you would like to see the law and the therapeutic community in Canada evolve to handle matters of child-
hood sexual abuse and sexual assault mdash if you could influence the reform of institu-tions what would your vision be
SJ Oh Richard Wow Well first and foremost I would love to raise public aware-ness of this issue for various reasons I think that increased public awareness will not necessarily reduce the instances of abuse but will help improve how abuse is dealt with when itrsquos ongoing and after-wards Itrsquos very im-portant that when a child is hurt that
child knows that he can go to peo-ple for help and support All too often if kids get up enough cour-age to tell someone the reaction they get is not very positive I think that with increased public aware-ness hopefully people will under-stand that there are ways to deal with this that will decrease the amount of harm so public aware-ness is paramount
I would like the legal system to raise compensation awards for sur-
turning point in bringing to the publicrsquos attention that the sexual assault of children can happen does happen and itrsquos a very diffi-cult thing for anyone to go through whether theyrsquore little boys or grown men that were abused as children It brought childhood sex-ual abuse out of the shadows to a certain extent The scandal still garners media attention as new survivors come forward but not the same as it did 10 years ago
MS Would you say that the lack of inves-tigative reporting is a cultural phenomenon or is it that the news-papers donrsquot feel they have that role
SJ Oh no Canadian newspapers do feel that they have a role in investigating things but for whatever rea-son sexual abuse of children has not been a priority The Cana-dian media really has not been at the forefront of this issue the way the media in the United States has been and I think that is tremen-dously disappointing The lack of media attention means that we arenrsquot fostering the awareness within the public that we need in order to provide real help and ser-vices for survivors We need the mediarsquos help to bring this horrific crime to light and to help stop it from happening
they would get if they went to court because that risk of going to court and not getting at least the amount of the original offer weighs heavily on everyone Our system is designed and geared toward avoid-ing trials which can be good be-cause nobody really wants to go through a trial but can be bad be-cause people become very intimi-dated by the prospect of losing or not getting as much as the settle-ment offer and being indebted to the defendant for a lot of money Thatrsquos a scary scary thing to go through
With regards to the media the US has a media that by and large has helped out a lot with sexual abuse cases The whole issue of clergy abuse really started with investiga-tive reporting by the Boston Globe right
MS Right
SJ They really took that issue and just ran with it Here in Canada we really havenrsquot had the same kind of investigative media cover-age as yoursquove had which is why events like the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal are not as huge as they are down in the States
Before Martin Kruze committed sui-cide the media was only somewhat interested in the Maple Leaf Gar-dens scandal Martin Kruze was a figure because he had sued the Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Com-plex But after he committed sui-cide the media was really galva-nized and that was probably a
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 45)
ldquoThe lack of media
attention means that we
arenrsquot fostering the
awareness within the
public that we need in
order to provide real
help and services for
survivors We need the
mediarsquos help to bring
this horrific crime to
light and to help stop it
from happeningrdquo
February 2009
Page 47
ments but it canrsquot at this stage really happen through the courts
I would want there to be an ability for institutions or perpetrators mdash de-fendants mdash to look beyond mere dollars and cents and look toward healing the person that they have hurt either directly or indirectly All too often in these cases we really become tied up in the legal minu-tiae of things as opposed to defen-dants saying ldquoOK letrsquos step back here and letrsquos try to helprdquo
I wish that there were a real under-standing that these cases are not car accident cases and they should
not be treated as car accident cases My clients are not people whorsquove broken a leg and therefore need X amount of dollars in order to pay for medical services or whatnot And unfortu-nately that doesnrsquot necessarily happen
In terms of the thera-peutic community I would love to see counseling and therapy ses-sions be paid for through the pub-lic purse so that people who re-quire the services of highly-skilled counselors and therapists and psy-chologists can access those services without having to pay for them A lot of clients just donrsquot have the economic means to pay for such services until after they get a set-tlement and that could take years It would be wonderful to see those kinds of services funded the same way as a trip to the emergency room or a trip to your family doc-tor for a cold is funded Irsquod love to
vivors The amount of damage that can be done as a result of child-hood abuse or in fact any kind of sexual assault is tremendous It affects almost every aspect of someonersquos life It becomes inter-generational because it affects the people around the survivor and compensation awards are still very much a pale reflection of what is needed in order to help these peo-ple I hope that at some point our judges and our legislature under-stand that need and can corre-spondingly give appropriate and reasonable damage awards so that people can start to rebuild their lives in a meaningful way
I would love there to be an opportunity within our civil system for more than just compensation At this stage the only thing that a civil judge can do is award monetary compensation There are a lot of creative things that you can do within a settlement that are not purely fi-nancial that can give a lot of sol-ace to someone who has been abused whether that be in the form of some non-financial healing whether it be in the form of a situation where somebody can con-front their abuser if thatrsquos what they wish to do in a safe setting or whether itrsquos the ability for that sur-vivor to do something outside of pure simple dollars and put for-ward some sort of healing plan that is as individual as they are That can happen through settle-
be able to see that I think that that would go a long way to helping people earlier rather than later
Ultimately I wish that this situation didnrsquot exist anymore and I would be put out of business frankly
MS Well I can certainly sympa-thize with the way you feel but it would seem that you have a career ahead of you dealing with this problem
SJ Unfortunately I think you are right I think that instances of child-hood sexual abuse are not neces-sarily going down I think that insti-tutions are getting a little bit better at putting in place policies and sometimes even following their own policies to stop pedophiles from entering those institutions and preying on people that those insti-tutions are theoretically set up to serve but I think that as long as the problem of childhood sexual abuse is with us I will be out there trying to help anybody that I can
MS Is there anything else yoursquod like to say to our readers
SJ I think that organizations such as MaleSurvivor are imperative in helping people understand that they are not alone that itrsquos not their fault and there are ways to get help So hats off to an organi-zation such as yours The clients I have who are involved in your or-ganization are very very well served so I have to thank you for being a resource
MS Thank you very much for your kind comments and for your time Simona
ldquoUltimately I wish that
this situation didnrsquot exist
anymore and I would be
put out of business
franklyrdquo
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-
Vol 2 No 2
Page 22
My Story
by Bruce M
A s I start to write this article I find myself sitting in front of the house where I was
first sexually abused I donrsquot know why I am here but I am Perhaps it is my way of being in control which I certainly wasnrsquot for a very long time It was really not that long ago before I avoided this area of the city entirely mdash never mind sitting on the street in front of the home where I was sexually as-
saulted
I am now 42 years old and have a partner who supports me more than I could have ever asked for I am in love and
although I thought I loved others before now I really know what love is For many years I was so secretly dysfunctional that most people were under the impression that I had it all together but that was furthest from the truth I was a good actor
I grew up in a middle class suburb of Toronto I was the youngest of three kids I was diagnosed with ADD and was given Ritalin to ldquosettle me downrdquo I think that Ritalin was an easy out for my parents I needed more one on one interac-tion and understanding rather than a drug regimen which suited their
needs I clearly remember my pe-diatrician back then coaching my parents on what I needed mdash and many of his recommendations went ignored In their minds it seemed that all I needed was Ritalin
I had very few true friends Most people found my hyperactivity to be too much My mother was a practicing alcoholic (thankfully sober for about 28 years now) and my father was nothing short of physically abusive mdash mainly to my sister and me but also to my brother from what I understand My father had out-bursts of rage during which he would beat me with a dog leash and his fist Once he shoved my head down a toilet and told me that is where I belonged I donrsquot know if many people could appreciate how horrible it was to be told that As long as I live I will never for-get how I felt when he said that
When I was 12 years old I was enrolled in basketball That year I excelled and my team ended up winning the champion-ship This was a great confidence boost that I really needed I had finally found something that I was good at The second year was not so great My assistant basketball
coach was a sexual predator who saw a shy and troubled boy in me and decided that he would look after his own needs This guy was a medical doctor so he knew what he was doing and started what I now understand was a very intense grooming process He talked to me about my hyperactivity my motherrsquos alcoholism and my fatherrsquos abuse As I remember back he brought these things up often while he was getting to know me
After a period of time he invited me to his home one day on the pretence of my coming over to rake leaves Once there he invited me to his basement where he
Moving On
Bruce M
Bruce M during the time of his abuse
February 2009
Page 23
matum He said that if I would not come to his house we could no longer be friends I donrsquot know how I did it but I decided that I did not want to go to his house and that was the end of that I now know that he went on to find an-other victim
For nearly the next two decades I struggled with life To add insult to injury I knew that I was a gay male and after the abuse I figured that this was what a gay relation-ship was like and I didnrsquot want it I lacked direction with almost everything I did For a while I was practically homeless because I was staying with one friend after another putting myself in situations where I could be abused again and again I was con-stantly haunted with
guilt because I was sure that the man who abused me was abusing other boys
Finally one day I came forward and told the police about my abuse They charged this man and I quickly learned that this perpetra-tor was one of the nastiest that I have come across to this day He had deep pockets and fought ruthlessly I was followed by private investigators my friends were approached by private investigators
made it clear that his gentle kind supportive ways would have a cost to me I remember hating the experience This disgusting smelling man was more than repulsive Would you believe that I went back Well I did Most other vic-tims of sexual abuse will under-
stand why better than those who have not been there I wanted to be cared for and listened to so badly that for a while I just put up with the abuse This guy came to my school at lunch and let me drive his car around the back streets I was too young and imma-ture to realize that this was not a kind gesture but more grooming that would give him access to what he wanted Eventually he got an-noyed that I would avoid going to his house so he gave me an ulti-
for interviews and he hired some of Canadarsquos best attorneys to get him out of his charges When I went to court to testify at a prelimi-nary trial he had people there to threaten me in the halls of the court and the bathrooms The criminal case went on and on and eventually to the Supreme Court of Canada for a ruling about my con-sent All in all it has been a very intense process which went on so long that the case was thrown out because of delay He is still not out of hot water because the College of Physicians and Surgeons went after him and I had to testify at that hearing too which is still going on to this day
Last fall I completed my third Weekend of Recovery and al-though I have been in private ther-apy for close to four years and have been a part of a menrsquos group in Toronto nothing compares to the results that I achieved from attending the Weekends of Recov-ery The weekend program and the connections that I made with other guys and therapists have been instrumental in giving me a push forward allowing me to have some happiness and a meaningful rela-tionship which I was never able to have before
Life is not perfect but I can tell you that it is so much better than it was a few years ago and it is getting better all the time
Bruce M during the time of his abuse
Vol 2 No 2
Page 24
nor injury well that was his cue He took me into a medical room and closed the door He examined my knee and soon the subject changed That was the first time that I was sexually assaulted
Over the years this repulsive man be-came my coach in both hockey and baseball He was a central figure at the arena and the base-ball diamond He was the one involved in all the fundraisers and came to be known as ldquothe guy who would do any-thing for the kidsrdquo Most of the parents loved him mdash but not mine He drank with parents partied with them all while he ldquotook carerdquo of us kids
The first time I was abused at the arena I told someone older than I I did so again when I was 15 What was I to do Neither time did the adults take appropriate action and you guessed it everything was swept under the carpet So I did the only thing I knew how to do mdash I stuffed it
Growing up was a difficult time for me because of the abuse and the fact that I suffered with ADHD and anxiety (undiagnosed at the time) My sisters did well in school how-ever I didnrsquot I would work my tail off get a ldquoCrdquo and then would be told to work harder or asked if I
A Victim No More
by Glenn Allan
M y name is Glenn Allan and I grew up in Stoney Creek Ontario Canada
By all rights I should have been dead years ago I am a recovering alcoholic and cocaine addict and I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse I donrsquot want my story to become an ldquoabuse or addiction-aloguerdquo so I wonrsquot get into graphic details or talk about every abusive situation
Please keep an open mind as this is my story
I was wel-comed into a loving yet dysfunctional family in February of 1964 I have four sisters
nine nieces and nephews two great-nieces and one great-nephew My story begins around the age of seven I loved skating and playing hockey I was always told ldquoYoursquove gotta practice to get betterrdquo and so I did I would play as much ice and road hockey as I could and my sis-ters would take me public skating It was at public skating that my abuser first spotted me and as-saulted me I fell during one of those skating sessions and hurt my knee My abuser was a skating monitor that day and when I needed medical attention for a mi-
were dumb My frustrations grew mdash if only they knew that there was a hurting little boy inside But I was a boy who was too afraid to say that he hurt or to cry mdash because ldquobig boys donrsquot cryrdquo I would get teased at home about being stupid or
asked ldquoWhy donrsquot you try harderrdquo
I couldnrsquot defend my-self verbally with my parents because that would have been ldquotalking backrdquo There were times when I would be so angry at them for picking on me for little things and I would think to myself ldquoYou are yell-ing at me for this while he (the abuser) is doing that to merdquo
Talk about frustration and built up rage I was a walking volcano I would fight all the time whether it was at school playing hockey or baseball it really didnrsquot matter why mdash all I knew was I was MAD
Over the years I slowly lost my self-esteem and self-worth I wanted to be anybody but me I idolized ath-letes like Bobby Orr Bobby Clarke and Pete Rose because of their dedication and work ethic Being a class clown I loved comedians (Steve Martin Richard Pryor Robin Williams Johnny Carson) and the entertainer in me loved singers (Elvis) and wanted so badly to be them Then maybe people would like me because there was abso-lutely no way anyone could really
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Glenn Allan
ldquoMy frustrations grewmdash
if only they knew that
there was a hurting little
boy inside But I was a
boy who was too afraid
to say that he hurt or to
crymdashbecause lsquobig boys
donrsquot cryrsquordquo
February 2009
Page 25
like or love me with the things my abuser had made me do
Because of the trauma of being abused I wet the bed until I was about 12 years of age which drained any remaining self-worth or self-esteem that I had left I was so embarrassed And then I had to tolerate ridiculous comments from people saying things like ldquoYou know that you are going to have to stop thisrdquo and ldquoYou are getting too old for thisrdquo No kidding really Did they think that I liked waking up in my own urine Did they not think that I wanted to stop Did they have any idea how their words hurt me Man oh man it was like that all the time They just didnrsquot think before they spoke
Frustrated and over-whelmed in my teens I finally found the ldquofriendrdquo that I had been looking for mdash first name ldquoALrdquo last name ldquoCOHOLrdquo I would be-come a whole new person when I drank booze and how I drank I found a brand new confidence I was somewhat funny when I drank dur-ing the early years of drinking however over time I became de-pressed and extremely angry I would fight in bars on a regular basis Then in December of 1987 I was stabbed outside a bar and nearly died Now you would think that being stabbed and nearly dy-ing would prompt a lifestyle
change or at the very least cause me to take a personal inventory of my situation and myself But not me I wore it as a badge of honour allowing the insanity to continue
It is said that if the drugs and alco-hol donrsquot kill you the lifestyle will During this time and over the years I was introduced to many criminals Their crimes ranged from murder assaults extortion and drug dealing to running massage parlours and prostitution mdash to just name a few One of my acquaint-ances was even a hired killer He
actually assassinated two reputed crime bosses in Ontario and is now serving a lengthy sentence for those and other killings
But I was drawn to their so-called power and complete disregard for the law Looking back on it I guess I was looking to reclaim the power
that was stolen from me by my abuser
In my early twenties I got a job working with Young Offenders as a Correctional Officer With the money I was making I bought a very nice sports car dated pretty women was extremely materialistic and yet I was never satisfied I worked in corrections for about four years During that time I also began my career in the world of entertainment as a voice impres-sionist and stand-up comedian as well as a co-host of a comedy tele-
vision show I had a tremendous ego and unknowingly had be-come rdquoThe Great I Amrdquo
After a couple of years I moved from comedy to producing and host-ing my own sports television program which aired for ten years I had so much fun and I was able to meet and interview some of sportsrsquo big-gest names
In my mid-20s when the alcohol wasnrsquot medicating my pain any longer I turned to
something stronger mdash COCAINE During a span of approximately ten years the combination of alcohol cocaine and all my poor choices cost me most of my jobs many of my relationships and all my money It drove me to criminal activity po-lice charges a conviction and a criminal record But most of all I
(Continued on page 26)
Alone Uncredited Photo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 26
was lost Glenn was slowly dying inside me I became depressed and despondent and I hated so many people But most of all I hated my-self
I had attempted suicide on a few occasions and I really and truly had a death wish I hated myself so much that on Friday January 16 1998 loaded with a supply of co-caine and booze I booked myself into a hotel room with no intention of coming out alive Friday night and Saturday passed with me drinking and getting high on co-caine After having more cocaine delivered to me on Sunday after-noon there was no turning back mdash or so I thought Approximately at midnight on Sunday I made my final decision mdash it was time for me to leave this stinking world I ingested enough cocaine to kill me and then I barricaded my hotel door and ripped the phone out of the wall I lay down on the bed defeated broken sad guilt-ridden ashamed depressed and scared yet so ready to die
Only Divine Intervention mdash some sort of miracle mdash can explain what hap-pened next The police came into my hotel room at just the right time on Sunday night and took me to the hospital Who called them how did they know to come to my room I donrsquot know Well thatrsquos not completely true Today I am a man of faith and as a Christian I know exactly who orchestrated my rescue
A Victim No More (Continued from page 25)
After a brief stay in the hospital I chose to enter the Hamilton Menrsquos Withdrawal Management Centre where I spent eleven days From there I entered an intensive addic-tion treatment centre for a six-week stay followed by a five and one half month stay at a recovery house
I have been clean and sober since Janu-ary 19 1998
I work the program of recovery intensely I was blessed with some incredible therapists who were able to break through my trust issues my rough exterior and my wall of comedy to allow me to heal I also became involved in the 12-Steps and other support groups through which I have found tremendous friendships and men-toring
Recovery is about making changes Al-though my abuser assaulted me until I was 15 years old I blamed him for all of my problems until I was 33 years old I had to change from being a pro-fessional blamer and liar to a man of responsibility character and in-tegrity It wasnrsquot easy however after many tears and lots of hard work life has gotten much better
Over time and through applying these principles I found peace se-renity and forgiveness and I also
learned how to love myself again Everything that was set in motion to harm me as a young man is now what drives me With Godrsquos help today I am able to live humbly honestly open-minded and willing to do whatever it takes to stay clean and sober while doing what I can to help others who face similar
struggles
Today I serve the Ca-nadian Centre for Abuse Awareness as the Director of the Southwestern Ontario office My mission at hand is to create a task force that will be responsible for build-ing a residential pro-gram for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
I am also the Execu-tive Producer and Host of three popular television programs Good News Sports The Edge and Living Clean Living Clean is the only live weekly interactive television program in Canada
that is designed to assist individu-als who suffer with addiction abuse andor mental illnesses
I also host The Glenn Allan Show on a local radio station in Hamil-ton ON Canada
As a motivational speaker my pres-entation entitled Youth Yak Live has enabled me to speak to thou-sands of youth nationwide since 2000 Through Youth Yak Live I
ldquoRecovery is about
making changes
Although my abuser
assaulted me until I was
15 years old I blamed
him for all of my
problems until I was 33
years old I had to
change from being a
professional blamer and
liar to a man of
responsibility character
and integrity
February 2009
Page 27
Male Survivor Groups (MSG)
By Robert Beacuterubeacute Co-founder MSG
M ale Survivor Groups (MSG) was created by a group of male survivors
of childhood sexual abuse follow-ing the death of a fellow survi-vor in Lon-don Ontario Canada The initial objec-tives were to foster cama-raderie and support for one another and also to obtain proper help
for survivors in the London area
Presently our aim is to help all male survivors and also to make our cause known It is open to all male survivors of childhood ado-lescent and adult abuse We have expanded and have supported the creation of groups across Canada and we are prepared to support the creation of groups throughout the World
Groups have been established in London Vancouver Sudbury and North Bay in Canada
Our beliefs
1 Our groups are for male survi-vors of abuse What is said in the group remains there What is stated must remain confiden-
have developed tremendous work-ing relationships with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police Ontario Provincial Police Crime Stoppers local police agencies young of-fender facilities churches self-help groups and alcohol and drug treatment centres
I also facilitate a weekly peer sup-port group for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
There was a time when I thought I would never get married and that no one could love me for who I am Colleen and I met in 1999 We both have similar pasts We both have worked through our abuse issues and are both clean and so-ber In 2001 my best friend and I married and we now have three beautiful children Ashley Brandon and Christopher Spending the rest of my life with Colleen and our family is a dream come true
The opportunity of sharing Godrsquos gifts and blessings with others is truly an honour and a privilege It is imperative that I never take these things for granted
If I can assist you or someone dear to you please donrsquot hesitate to contact me at the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness Ph 905-594-1581 or email glennccfaacom or visit these websites
wwwabusehurtscom wwwlivingcleanca wwwglennallanca
or write to me co CCAA 38 King St East PO Box 66614 Stoney Creek ON L8G 5E5
(Continued from page 26)
tial Anonymity is of the utmost importance unless the survivor has gone public But intimate details of the public person must also remain confidential Confidentiality must be assured
2 We are in the group to heal and to support each other
3 We are male survivors who want to heal and help others in the process We can be as young as 16 or as old as old can be
4 Our primary purpose is our own safe being Secondary purposes are the betterment of services for male survivors and the advancement of our cause
5 We fight on so that we may grow in solidarity
6 We are not a religious group We do use different models of functioning in our different sub-groups Ours is a healing group for more than one prob-lematic issue
7 We encourage partnerships with organisations businesses and agencies that foster the creation of services for male survivors of abuse
We have created a Facebook Group which is also open to FRIENDS who support our cause Our group is establishing partnerships with other male survivor groups in Canada and worldwide You can contact us through the Facebook page or by emailing me at berube55yahooca
Support Groups
Robert Beacuterubeacute
Vol 2 No 2
Page 28
The CCAA By Ellen Campbell [ellenccfaacom]
Founder and Executive Director Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness
A s some of you know the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness (CCAA) is a
national non-government charitable organization dedicated to eliminat-ing child abuse through advocacy education public awareness and prevention programs With help from community and corporate partners the CCAA provides accessible support healing and indi-vidual empowerment for adult survivors their fami-lies and caregivers through over 20 programs Those that listen to classic rock station Q107 in the To-ronto region will recognize us as their charity of choice through Derringerrsquos Thir-teen Days of Christmas campaign
Based in Newmarket On-tario the CCAA is an active and vibrant organization that in addition to its variety of program offer-ings is also involved in public safety advocacy That advo-cacy started with the early release from prison of one of the perpetra-tors in the Maple Leaf Gardensrsquo child sex abuse scandal Many surviving victims were traumatized again this time by the system The
CCAA went public with its concerns that day and the public safety advocacy program was born
Later the CCAA wrote a sweeping report titled Martinrsquos Hope named in memory of Martin Kruze (the first victim to courageously go public with the story of his abuse at the Gardens and who later tragi-cally took his own life) that made 60 recommendations for legislative and policy change to the criminal justice system These recommenda-tions were gleaned from round-
table discussions with over 150 front-line criminal justice system professionals crime victims and survivors To this day members of the Kruze family sit on the CCAA Board of Directors
After the initial public release of the Martinrsquos Hope report in the fall of 2003 I knew that if repairs were to be made to the criminal justice system advocacy would have to be accelerated That advocacy began in earnest in early 2006 with the hiring of John Muise a volunteer with the CCAA and previously a Toronto police officer with signifi-cant experience in legislative and policy advocacy The hire coincided with new political winds blowing in Ottawa The CCAArsquos full-time public
safety program was born
Relationships already in existence were strength-ened new ones were made and the CCAA intensified its advocacy with politi-cians stakeholders and other decision makers In addition the CCAA courted media attention recogniz-ing the opportunity to get our message out
That advocacy included the preparation of written briefs in support of testi-mony before a number of decision making bodies including several appear-ances before the House of Commons Justice Commit-tee
ADVOCACY REWARDED The last three years have brought success on a number of fronts Progress on the criminal justice reform front is rarely if ever the result of one person or just one organization advocating for
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoMartinrsquos Hoperdquo in Memory of Martin Arnold Kruze From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 29
government Although there are specific circumstances under which the age of consent is 16 (or 18) the general age of consent remained at 14 For many in the child protection
world this has been a shame of what is otherwise a devel-oped and civilized land The fight is finally over with the passage and Royal Assent of this legisla-tion in July of 2008 This is a victory for the many people that fought the good fight and most importantly this law allows prose-cution of those adult predators who choose to sexually exploit 14
and 15 year old children
Review of federal corrections policy
In 2007 the federal government ordered an independent review of the federal corrections and parole system The CCAA attended the announcement of that review and subsequently appeared before the review team and provided detailed written recommendations for change The final report included a number of recommendations that the CCAA provided including those contained in Martinrsquos Hope A rollout of some report recommen-dations has already started includ-ing a pilot project for the use of electronic monitoring on serious and violent offenders who are on parole in communities
(Continued on page 30)
Dangerous offenders Having someone declared a dan-gerous offender is very difficult to do In fact there are fewer then 400 declared dangerous offenders in the country This amendment makes it easier to bring a dangerous offender application for a serious repeat con-victed offender before the court The end result should be we hope the detection and declaration of more dangerous offenders Dangerous offender designation is for life and results in indefinite lock-up of the offender with periodic judicial reviews
Community protection orders
Also known as ldquoSection 810rdquo orders they allow the state to monitor the activities of certain subjects mdash no longer under some form of sen-tence or other judicial release but still considered a danger mdash to be placed on a judicial order similar to a bail with control and monitoring conditions The legislation explicitly expands the controls that can be usedmdashfor example electronic moni-toringmdashand extends the length of the order from one year to two
Age of protection For longer than people care to remember advocates have fought to raise the general age of consent from 14 to 16 years of age Until recently those voices have been largely ignored by the federal
change but no one can deny the important roll played by the CCAA in advancing these reforms These are all original recommendations contained in the Martinrsquos Hope report The results as they say speak for themselves and include but are not limited to the follow-ing
Mandatory minimum sentences for Internet chi ld abuse offences
Over time courts have increasingly relied on so called ldquohouse arrestrdquo provisions (see section immediately below) when sentencing offenders found guilty of Internet child abuse and similar kinds of serious child exploitation offences The sen-tences were often way out of pro-portion to the gravity of the crimes Minimum sentences were legislated for a variety of crimes with the net effect of eliminating the ability of the court to impose ldquohouse arrestrdquo
Conditional sentences of imprisonment
Better known as ldquohouse arrestrdquo this measure brought in over a decade ago was being imposed by the courts for ever more serious of-fenders and offences Many violent and dangerous offenders were allowed to serve their term of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo at home Justice and public safety were compro-mised by this provision Although the Bill that finally passed was watered down significantly by opposition party demands the end result was a tightening of the cir-cumstances under which a sen-tence of this kind could be given
ldquoAfter the initial public
release of the Martinrsquos
Hope report in the fall
of 2003 I knew that if
repairs were to be made
to the criminal justice
system advocacy would
have to be acceleratedrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 30
munity committees and inquiries including the Federal Inquiry pre-sided over by Justice Major into the Air India bombing
Moving forward We are delighted to report that John Muise our Director of Public Safety has recently received a Governor-in-council appointment as a full-time member of the Na-tional Parole Board effective in May of 2009 Although this is a big loss
for the CCAA we are thrilled for John and we know that he will bring the same com-mitment to public safety in that position as he did with the CCAA We wish him the very best in this new and challenging role
Much progress has been made in the past three years with
more anticipated The federal gov-ernment has signaled its intention to finish the work it started and attempt a further repeal of condi-tional sentences of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo They have also said that they in-tend on amending certain aspects of parole legislation and moving on tightening up security (including drug interdiction) in federal prisons
As we kick off 2009 the CCAA has the following priorities
Enhanced training for law enforcement off icers involved in chi ld abuse
investigations The introduction of provincial ldquosafe havenrdquo legislation that would pro-
vide a distressed mother who has given birth (within 72 hours) to take her baby to a place of safety (for example fire station police station hospital emergency) no questions asked and drop the baby off The purpose is to avoid the unthinkable mdash dumpster aban-donment murder at birth This legislation exists in all 50 of the United States but has yet to to be introduced in this country
Parole reform In addition the CCAA will work with partners on two parole and corrections recommendations They include legislating breach of parole as an offence for which a police officer has a power of arrest Com-plimentary to this the replacement of statutory release (automatic release after serving two thirds of a sentence) with regular earned parole Both recommendations were included in the final report of the Corrections Review Team and had been provided with others by the CCAA
We at the CCAA believe that much has been done on the criminal justice reform and public awareness front We are grateful for the pro-gress thus far and proud of the part we have played in moving the public safety agenda along
There is still much work to be done and the CCAA will step up to carry on this most important work
Selection of judges In recognition of the importance of the justice selection process the federal government has recently expanded the scope of people selected to sit on the regional Judicial Advisory Committees tasked with vetting potential ap-pointments and providing recom-mendations to the federal Attorney General and Minister of Justice for final selection Although still dominated by judges and lawyers a wider variety of voices and minds is now part of the selection proc-ess This is welcome news I am one of those voices I sit on one of the regional committees itrsquos an appointment we can all be proud of
Gun crime and other victim focused matters
Although outside the specific man-date of the CCAA (and not included in the Martinrsquos Hope report) in recognition of the impact on com-munities and particularly at risk children and youth the CCAA also appeared before the House of Commons Committee in support of mandatory minimum sentences for serious gun crimes and for amend-ments that tighten up the bail system for those charged with serious gun-related offences
In addition several crime victim supportive briefs were prepared for a number of safe school and com-
The CCAA (Continued from page 29)
ldquoWe at the CCAA hellip are
grateful for the progress
thus far and proud of
the part we have played
in moving the public
safety agenda alongrdquo
February 2009
Page 31
higher than its current statistical significance would suggest I would suggest itrsquos about one in four of the men I deal with 25 compared to the 16 suggested in the cur-rent literature If you allow for the fact that many of the men I work with have come from dysfunctional families that have been dysfunc-tional for generations the higher rate of incidence will hardly be surprising
I really had no idea when I started this job that I would have a head-
on collision with CSA No idea at all I was in my pre-survivor life My own past experi-ences were like a dormant volcano Sure some smoke would puff out every now and then for no readily apparent rea-son but no major eruption But as I heard more and more stories told by men in their own abyss of despair and self loath-ing things started to bubble within me
I remember the first man who disclosed to me He did not really intend to He started to tell part of a story and I just knew I just knew What he did say was part of an institutional abuse situa-tion that gained public awareness in the media After that story broke many men came forward as well to tell their story of how they too were abused as boys in a school
Inside
By Geeders (Jim)
W hen I was first asked to write about my experi-ences working in a jail I
wasnrsquot really sure what I could say about it Can I say this or should I say that Was it going to be really negative or show promise of better days ahead And what about me mdashthe new me mdash dealing with issues of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) at the same time as the men I see and work with How the hell was (or is) that going to work Well it is a work in progress after all and one that seems to evolve as I change and as I become more comfortable with my own sense of a new self
Let me begin by saying that there is nothing in this article that would meet the rigours of clinical dissection Equally important I do not work with sexual offenders What I am going to say is purely my experience based on personal observation No scientific analysis can be attributed to it apart from what we already know or suspect One in six men will have been sexually assaulted or abused by the time they are 18 It has long been opined that the number of abused men is actually
setting that was really a cover for juveniles in trouble with the law
The inmate I was working with did not come forward at that time He couldnrsquot His disclosure to me was the first time he had ever said anything about his abuse No one else knew mdash no one He was alone His pain was palpable and obvious His shame and guilt were profound Never had he admitted to himself what had happened in that school let alone admitted to a total stranger until that very moment I listened to his pain tried to console him just let him cry Eventually over the course of a couple of interviews it became obvious to me why he was in jail Any self-esteem that he had as a boy or young man was destroyed by his abuse His very essence was rewritten by the men who had abused him Teens get into trouble but they can also learn to later stay out of it by fol-lowing the teachings of those they trust But for this young man his ability to trust was destroyed by the very people who were sup-posed to care for him nurture him and dare I say it love him appro-priately What was even more tragic is that this man came from a cul-ture that has low tolerance for anything that even remotely resem-bles homosexuality
Being abused sent this man on a downward spiral that ultimately turned him into a drug addict by his own admission a junkie who hated himself for what ldquohe had
(Continued on page 32)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoOver the course of
several related careers I
have seen a lot of good
being done Irsquove also
seen a lot of ugliness
that even by todayrsquos
standards defies the
most common
sensibilities we have as
human beingsldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 32
donerdquo His shame and guilt and culture prevented him saying any-thing about what happened It cut him off from any legal action that might take place and removed any sort of financial compensation that he might gain as a result of his abuse It eventually cut him off from his own family because his drug abuse prevented him from working and supporting his wife and family It destroyed his ability to be a good dad and husband A few years later I saw him back in jail again
When I did encounter him again it was with an in-creased sense of awareness within me Every time a man disclosed to me that he had been sexually abused or assaulted I started to die inside A little piece of me just died every time a man said to me what I could not say to myself or anyone else That dormant volcano started to fume a bit more regularly
Over the course of several related careers I have seen a lot of good being done Irsquove also seen a lot of ugliness that even by todayrsquos standards defies the most common sensibilities we have as human beings It exists Itrsquos around every corner if we choose to look at it Along with the ugly we have the good We have people who are willing to take a stand and come forward to say to the world ldquoWe
Inside (Continued from page 31)
have a problem here itrsquos not going to go away and it needs to be fixedrdquo I had the good fortune to meet many of these people last year at a conference on male sex-ual victimization By then I had been able to learn from the men that I serve that perhaps I too could learn to tell someone Could I be a survivor too
Men in jail are there for a reason Whether itrsquos to protect society while they await trial or from
themselves or while sentenced they are here Whether I think they should be here is irrelevant They are usually at the end of their ropes Their lives are upside down and in turmoil They are frequently in withdrawal from illicit drug use They are in the bottom of a pit from which there does not appear to be an escape or refuge They are desperate and will act desperately
if needed They are angry and no longer have any control over their lives Someone has taken that control away from them They have no choice but to comply Failure to comply results in loss of privileges which can include being prohibited from contact with those they love the most Forced co-habitation with other men can evoke strong memories of prior abuse which they cannot deal with let alone understand It can be isolation
They are alone and cannot speak about their issues for fear of being discovered and further stigmatized and trau-matized by a peer group that cannot tolerate differences or diversity
I have been fortunate in that for some reason men trust me and feel safe and able to disclose And when they do you can see the relief on their faces They are scared for sure but it has always seemed to be a relief I have to ask them I have no choice because itrsquos part of my job But now as a survivor myself I can tell them they are not alone I cannot tell them about me but I can tell them they are not alone that they
are among the approximately one in six men who are assaulted or abused when they are boys or young men I can tell them about the few resources we have avail-able for men which are a 100 improvement compared to what they had when they first walked into my office I tell them about MaleSurvivor and have MS posters up in my office I can tell them that
ldquoTougher than lsquoNamrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 33
Maybe not I prefer to think that I have shown them that there is hope There is life in being a survi-vor they donrsquot have to be held hostage any longer by a secret that was put upon them by an abuser I prefer to think that I have been able to show them that they do not have to be ashamed for being male When I speak with them Irsquom a straight shooter I calls rsquoem as I sees lsquoem I use words they can understand mdash street language mdash which helps them understand their bodies and to understand that Mother Nature made them to be reactive and responsive I tell them that simply because their bodies reacted that their bodies re-sponded while being abused did not make the abuse their fault It takes a while to get there at times But the relief when the penny drops and they realize that they themselves were in no way respon-sible for the abuse is quite remark-able
Just this week Irsquove been working with a man who actually smiled when he came into my office He said ldquoI finally get it It wasnrsquot my faultrdquo He then went on to tell me that immediately prior to his at-tending in my office he had just disclosed to his sister while on the phone in his jail area surrounded by other inmates While it was perhaps not the safest venue for a disclosure he made his own deci-sion He said he was taking control As a 35 year old this man has not been in control since he was first abused at age seven Subsequent abuse only reinforced for him that he was an object a thing not worth anything Relationship after relationship failed him as he con-tinued to relive issues of abandon-
there are over 6000 people regis-tered at MS and that when they get out they will find tremendous support at the MS website I can tell them about Weekends of Re-covery without disclosing that attending a WOR was one of the best things I have done with my life They will know that they are no longer alone And not once has anyone asked me directly about me If they did I could not reply which in a round about way is a reply But I cannot reply Why The institution that I work in can be as intolerant of differences and diver-sity as the inmates are of each other The whole notion of male abuse and assault simply does not exist It is not spoken of It will not be spoken of mdash until now
Because abuse is now spoken of I have been able to create a support network for inmates and for myself Itrsquos a small step but a step never-theless Itrsquos spoken of now at a level never before reached in terms of official support and direction Support has yet to be defined but I have a mandate now to do a better job for male survivors Itrsquos on paper Itrsquos my goal
Safety of all concerned has to remain first and foremost mdash safety for the inmate safety for me With inmates disclosing to me often for the first time I am struck by what happens next A huge can of worms is opened And for what There is little safety here little opportunity to follow up The court system tosses these men around like dice One day they are here the next they are God knows where Have I done something that perhaps I shouldnrsquot have Maybe
ment physical and sexual abuse sexual orientation confusion anger management substance abuse domestic violence self respect low self esteem boundaries mdash these and much more impact upon this man daily But hersquos making a start Itrsquos another chance We all need them
I would be remiss to not mention the support of my colleagues Some of them do know about me and they have been tremendously supportive and understanding They too share a belief that it is possible for men to become survivors I cannot imagine doing this work everyday without their ongoing support I love you guys
The resources I refer to are few the Menrsquos Project in Ottawa The Gate-house in Toronto as well as local sexual assault centres I discovered on my own road to recovery that our local sexual assault centre does in fact offer services to men but does not advertise this due to the fear of being inundated with refer-rals They simply are not equipped to handle what surely lies out in my community When the report of the Cornwall Inquiry comes out later this year it is my belief that it will force our government our society to re-examine how its treatment of boys and men is provided Hope-fully those who are like I was feeling alone fearful uncomfortable in their own skin will feel more enabled to come forward to shed that skin that was put on them by their abuser(s) and step out of the ordinary letting their souls ascend and become free
Vol 2 No 2
Page 34
A History of Male Survi-vor Services in Queacutebec
and First Nations Communities
By Caroline Benamza (dance and drama therapistpsychotherapist at CRIPHASE)
And by Benoicirct St Jean (Director of CRIPHASE)
Contact Tel +1-514-529-55-67 Email infocriphaseorg
Website wwwcriphaseorg
T he latest statistics in Queacutebec show that one out of every six men has been sexually
abused before the age of 18 but there are very few statistics regard-ing male survivors and this estima-tion is only based on reported abuse Most adult men or boys who are survivors go unnoticed because most of the services in Queacutebec are exclusively for women In 2008 the male population in Queacutebec was about 3800000 of which about 3000000 are above 20 years of age (from the Institut de la Statistique) Therefore we can estimate that in Queacutebec there are around 500000 male survivors actually visible within the different health care services justice system and police departments The num-ber is already frightening for a seemingly peaceful society like Queacutebec When it comes to Native American communities as many as 80 of boys have been sexually abused before the age of 18 This number is quite similar mdash but for different reasons mdash to the male population within the Federal or Provincial prisons
The reality of male survivors of sexual abuse in childhood has remained in the dark for years in Queacutebec and it is only in the last four years that the government has acknowledged the necessity of funding counseling services for male survivors Historically it can be explained The first services for survivors have been developed since the 1960s within the very strong Queacutebeacutecois feminist move-ments The women have built along the years a strong network of ser-vices for female vic-tims of sexual abuse and domestic vio-lence Today these services still exist as the CALACS (Centres dAide et de Lutte contre les Agressions agrave Caractegravere Sexuel = Sexual Assault Cen-tres) network for survivors of sexual abuse Due to a strong belief in pro-viding a safe haven for women survivors men were turned away from these services and had nowhere to go Only two survivorsrsquo centres in the Montreal area outside the CALACS network welcomed men but those men represent only 5 of clients
This situation became obvious when the CAVAC (Centre drsquoAide pour les Victime drsquoActes Criminels = Crime Victims Assistance Centres) started to provide counseling ser-
vices to victims of criminal acts who wished to press charges and go through a court procedure The first services in Queacutebec for male survivors therefore came from a strong need in the society In 1996 the CAVAC decided to fund an experimental program directed by Denis Reneacute to offer a support group for male survivors This program was named the PHASE Groups (Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = For Men Sexually Abused in Child-
hood) With the suc-cess of these first groups between 1996 and 1997 the CAVAC of Montreal tried to secure funding for the continuation of services Unfortu-nately the PHASE Groups suffered from the double status it carried within the government the Minister of Justice that was the main funder of the CAVAC refused to fund a counseling service supposedly to be funded by the Health Minister Later the Health Minister turned down the
funding because as part of CAVAC the program should have been funded by the Minister of Justice
So it was in 1997 that Denis Reneacute decided to secure the future of the PHASE Groups by registering them
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoWhen it comes to
Native American
communities as many
as 80 of boys have
been sexually abused
before the age of 18
This number is quite
similarmdashbut for different
reasonsmdashto the male
population within the
Federal or Provincial
prisonsrdquo
February 2009
Page 35
intimacy and sexuality issues) and PHASE Artistique (a 10 weeks art and movement therapy program) with a holistic approach to body and mind recovery
In 2008 the very first weekend of recovery (named PHASE Weekend) was created and CRIPHASE wishes to make the weekend an annual event In 2003 for the first time
CRIPHASE became a full member of the Table de Concertation en Agressions Sexuelles (a gathering of several organizations providing services to survivors in addition to representatives from the Justice the Health Minister and the police) This cooperation allows a better understanding of survivor issues and needs as well as a better coor-
within a non-profit organization that took the name CRIPHASE (Centre de Resources et drsquointervention Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = Resource and Intervention Centre for Men who have been Sexually Abused in Childhood) For 10 years the Groups have survived on pri-vate funding and have provided two recovery Groups called PHASE 1 and PHASE 2 Each PHASE is a 10-week program serving non-offending male survivors over 18 years of age and of all sexual orienta-tions With its first public funding in 2004 of $38000 a director was en-gaged by the board of administration and in 2008 the PSOC (a funding body within the agency of Health and Social Services) fi-nally secured the future of CRIPHASE with a first major funding rooting CRIPHASE in the circle of sexual abuse survivors centres
Since 2006 CRIPHASE has devel-oped a major politics of visibility through the media conferences and meetings with the different actors of the Queacutebeacutecois stage Three more programs have been developed within CRIPHASE PHASE Conjoint (for partners of male survivors) PHASE Sexo (a 10 weeks program of recovery focusing on
dination of services on the ground From within the Table CRIPHASE has been able to educate people on the issue of male survivors and participate or initiate projects such as the Information Guide for Sexual Assault Victims and the first pre-vention mobilization and aware-ness march for sexual abuse survi-vors in 2008 The presence of CRIPHASE at the Table has also
allowed the feminists within the CALACS to have a better under-standing of the suffer-ing of male survivors who are also victims in their own way of an old patriarchal system CRIPHASE was also finally incorporated in the CALACS coordina-tion groupmdashcalled Table des CALACS mdash in 2008
Until 2008 there were no services provided in English (Queacutebec is a French-speaking province where Eng-lish speakers are a minority) due to lack of funding to translate the PHASE 1 docu-ments and employ English-speaking therapists The project
to offer groups in English had been put aside for years but finally in 2008 the first groups of PHASE 1 and 2 opened for English speakers The PHASE Artistique and PHASE Weekend are now bilingual pro-grams
(Continued on page 36)
Phone calls received at CRIPHASE
male survivors
therapists
relatives and loved ones
other
The average male survivor using the services at CRIPHASE is aged between 35 and 55
Vol 2 No 2
Page 36
Male survivors in the Native American
communities Recovery programs within Native American communities are only starting Many Native American men were sexually abused as well as psychologically and emotionally abused when they were sent to boarding schools across the province for assimila-tion The effects of this traumatic experience (including historic trauma) can be seen in all First Nations of Queacutebec Algonquians Cris Innus Abenakis Innuits Micmacs and so forth Today there is a strong need of heal-ing for this lost gen-eration but traumatic experiences and con-sequences have been passed on to the next generations Unfortu-nately sexual abuse is one of these problems which need to be addressed through prevention and coun-seling in a way that will integrate Native American traditions and their holistic ap-proach to medicine Such programs already exist within some communi-ties Organizations like GRIPMA (Groupe de Recherches et dInter-ventions Psychosociales en Milieu Autochtone = Research and Inter-vention group in Aboriginal Com-munities) located in the Huron
History of Male Survivor Services (Continued from page 35)
community of Wendake (near Queacute-bec city) provide a clinical expertise in intervention within Native Ameri-can communities On the other side the Aboriginal Healing Foun-dation based in Ottawa is currently funding 16 recovery projects for the First Nations in Queacutebec ad-dressing sexual abuse addiction prevention of suicide boarding schools trauma etc until 2010
Last year the publication of the five-year funding plan on sexual abuse by the provincial govern-ment of Queacutebec has seen the recognition of male survivors as a population in great need of ser-vices It has also recognized the necessity of providing services to the First Nations communities
Things are changing in Queacutebec for male survivors Because CRIPHASE is the only organization providing support and counseling to men in Queacutebec who have been sexually abused in childhood there is great hope for an increase of funding this year The constant develop-ment of CRIPHASE and the increase in phone calls and numbers of guys within the services (in 2008-
2009 there will be seven groups of PHASE 1 in-stead of five the year before) also show that men in Queacutebec are get-ting the right information on sexual abuse and services and are being encouraged to look for help and engage in re-covery
If you are one of these men in Queacutebec we are waiting for your call Remember you are not alone
For the annual march event please visit wwwmarchevasca (Information for the May 2009 march will be on line from February 2009)
Quilt Square by a Native Child from Alberta From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 37
MaleSurvivor is men surviving sexual abuse in Canada we will start with Canadarsquos sad legacy of abuse of children by clergy
A Brief Incomplete Canadian History
In Canada our First Nations People have had to bear the legacy of abuse they endured in Canadarsquos notorious residential schools Cur-rent issues of addictions and family and mental health problems amongst our First Nations people can be traced back to the legacy of abuse experienced by Native chil-dren in residential schools
Around 1874 the federal government began working with the churches (Catholic Anglican United and Presbyte-rian) to set up the Residential School System as a means to suppress Native cul-ture and promote assimilation In gen-eral children between the ages of five and 16 were taken from their parents and sent to church-run residen-tial schools The extent of the abuse in these church-run schools has been referred to as the ldquoCanadian Holocaustrdquo Recently the Canadian Government formed the Truth and Reconciliation Commis-sion (TRC) as part of the court-approved Indian Residential Schools Settlement Agreement The
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious
Leader By Nancy N Mayer MSW RSW
Partner Crisci amp Mayer Consultation Counselling and
Training Toronto wwwckmconsultationcom
Introduction
L ikely all the readers of this newsletter have knowledge and expertise about men
being physically sexually and emotionally abused Research tells us that abusers can come from any
walk of life and most often are known to the child or adult In the last decade abuse by clergy has finally ldquocome out of the closetrdquo so to
speak thanks to those brave survi-vors who have made public their experiences of being abused by clergy More than ever survivor groups are encouraging victims to report these crimes to the police and to consider seeking civil re-dress for their injuries Many groups believe that change in churches will only come when they are held accountable for the abuse perpetrated by clergy
This article will attempt to address the distinctive issues that are com-mon to this population of survivors Because the focus of this issue of
purpose of the commission is not to determine guilt or innocence but to create an historical account of the residential schools help people to heal and encourage reconciliation between Aboriginal and non-aboriginal Canadians
The notorious Mount Cashel Or-phanage is another Canadian leg-acy of sexual abuse by clergy This facility was operated in Newfound-land by the Christian Brothers More than a dozen priests were convicted after decades of abusing young boys at the orphanage
Mount Cashel Or-phanage closed in 1989 just six months after allegations of sexual physical and emotional abuse were published by the media (For more in depth information see Harris Michael Unholy Orders Trag-edy at Mount Cashel Ontario Viking Press 1990)
Like the US there have been hundreds and perhaps thou-sands of cases of children and vulner-
able adults abused by clergy in every religious denomination Unlike the US our country is not bound as strictly by statutes of limitations so lawsuits can proceed more freely Our sentences for convicted clerical sex offenders are
(Continued on page 38)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Nancy N Mayer
ldquo[First Nations] children
between the ages of five
and 16 were taken from
their parents and sent to
church-run residential
schools The extent of
the abuse in these
church-run schools has
been referred to as the
lsquoCanadian Holocaustrsquoldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 38
nowhere near as severe as those of our American neighbours Most first offenders will not serve a day in jail The civil awards for personal inju-ries are also quite low Our court system promotes set-tling these cases out of court When a case fails to go to trial it is not part of the public re-cord The widespread use of confidentiality orders media fatigue and Canadian reserve means that it is impos-sible to obtain accurate statistics on how often men are abused by clergy or even the ex-tent of the problem in this country
The Authority of Rel igious Leaders Religious organizations have always played a central role in our so-cieties They provide moral ethical and spiritual guidance Reli-gious teachings have given us a context and meaning for our lives Most religious belief revolves around a divine power or God Religious leaders (ministers priests rabbis elders nuns) are thought to be Godrsquos earthly repre-sentatives and are treated with reverence and respect They have intimate involvement with families and children at such vulnerable times as an illness death or other family crises They may have access
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 37)
to confidential information by virtue of their roles of confessor or counsellor A child brought up by religious parents is taught to re-spect these men and women Oth-ers associated with churches mdash choir leaders teachers cantors youth group leaders mdash are also considered trustworthy by virtue of their close
association with their religious organizations Most parents en-courage their childrenrsquos participa-tion in church-based activities believing them to be safe and wholesome
These leaders are considered to be esteemed authorities and as repre-sentatives of God wield a great deal of power Depending on the faith group there may be teachings
that support an unquestioning adherence to their instructions and guidance This makes children and vulnerable adults particularly sus-ceptible to exploitation by this group because they have access opportunity and trust
Misuse of Power Perpetrators can utilize their positions of power and trust to gain access to their victims some-times for extended periods of uninterrupted time They may tell children that they are being asked to ldquoserve Godrdquo or that they or their families will be punished if they do not do as instructed Chil-dren may be threatened with eternal damnation or blamed for leading the religious leader into sin If the religion con-siders premarital sex or same sex contacts as sinful the guilt will be compounded
In most cases the victim will not disclose or may disclose but not be
believed A child will have a difficult time convincing adults that he or she has been victimized The vic-timrsquos family culture or communi-ties have been socialized to see their religious leaders as unques-tionably good and incapable of lies This can lead to others denying or minimizing the victimrsquos experience of abuse The victim is initially harmed by the abuser and then is revictimized by those who cannot
ldquoMay Hope be Passed through Every Handrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 39
institutionrsquos response and lack of compassion and pastoral care
The Impact on Spir ituality
The frequently used term ldquosoul murderrdquo aptly describes what hap-pens when the abuser is a religious leader When the response of the religious institu-tion to a disclosure of abuse is experienced as self-serving and uncaring the survivor will likely lose his faith in the religious community of which he has been a part To belong and to feel connected is a basic human need When abused by clergy the loss of connection and belonging to what may have been a spiritual anchor can be devastating
To compound the harm the abuse may have occurred in a religious building The abuser may have worn traditional cleri-cal attire or may have made religious or biblical refer-ences As a result being exposed to religious symbols music or any other reminder can trigger flashbacks and other uncomfortable physical symptoms
The cleric is often considered Godrsquos representative on earth This gives the cleric power that surpasses his position and status When abuse is at the hands of a minister nun
accept that their spiritual leaders are capable of abuse There are many stories of clergy abuse survi-vors being abandoned by their religious communities (who side with the cleric) and their families who cannot face leaving the church that has given their lives meaning and comfort The resultant feelings of betrayal and abandonment are profound
The Role of the Religious Inst itutions
When religious institutions hold themselves up as ethical compasses and arbitrators of right and wrong society has an expectation that church leaders will act in a fair and moral way Many US Commissions and Grand Juries and Canadian reports such as the Winter Com-mission Report (Archdiocese of St Johns Newfoundland Canada 1990) Child Abuse in Community Institutions and Organizations and Improving Public and Professional Understanding (prepared for the Law Commission of Canada) all record and explain the dynamics that have lead to the failure of religious institutions to protect our children
While it is well known that any institution mdash educational recrea-tional or spiritual mdash is not immune from having sex offenders in its midst the religious institutions have a particular legacy of protect-ing the institution through aggres-sive legal tactics versus truth telling and reconciliation Many victims state that they have been less wounded by the actual abuse and profoundly more damaged by the
priest rabbi minister or elder the recipient of the abuse may experi-ence profound guilt for ldquoparticipatingrdquo in ldquosinfulrdquo behaviour mdash a mistaken belief that he is respon-sible for the abuse or shame that
he has ldquosinnedrdquo He may believe he is deserving of rejection or eternal damnation If he confesses he risks exposing the cleric who has likely done what he could to trick the victim into believing that he must maintain silence and secrecy One survivor describes feeling that rdquoIt was like being abused by God him-self If even God couldnrsquot love me how could anyone else ever love merdquo
These factors alone can leave a man who has been abused by clergy unable to find comfort and solace in what used to be his spiritual beliefs and his church Without these familiar beliefs the survivor is aban-
doned and alone when he most needs support
The Role of Gender While woman are ordained in some denominations there is still an imbalance of power between men and women in many religious tradi-tions For boys and men abused by male clerics embarrassment and
(Continued on page 40)
ldquoThe frequently used
term lsquosoul murderrsquo aptly
describes what happens
when the abuser is a
religious leader When
the response of the
religious institution to a
disclosure of abuse is
experienced as self-
serving and uncaring
the survivor will likely
lose his faith in the
religious community of
which he has been
a partrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 40
concerns of how they will be per-ceived promote silence For the boy or man abused by a female cleric there may be worries that he will be labelled the seducer or pres-sured to consider this ldquorelationshiprdquo as non-abusive
The study conducted by the John Jay Col-lege of Criminal Jus-tice regarding The Nature and Scope of the Problem of Sexual Abuse of Minors by Priests and Deacons in the Catholic Church (Washington DC USCCB 2004) found some very disturbing information about the age and gender of victims The largest group of reported victims (509) was between the ages of 11 and 14 273 of victims were 15 to 17 16 were eight to 10 and nearly 6 were under age seven Overall 81 of vic-tims were male and 19 female Male victims tended to be older than female victims Over 40 of all victims were males between the ages of 11 and 14
The largest group of reported victims in this study consisted of boys who were entering puberty This is a tumultuous time in most
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 39)
young menrsquos lives To have this period of development disrupted can contribute to many mental health problems including lack of confidence disruption of emo-tional sexual and psycho-social development isolation sexual identity confusion depression anxiety and abuse of substances
In Summary The harm experienced by those
who are abused by clergy is profound and multifaceted Some therapists will not want to work with survivors of clergy abuse due to the complexity of their issues their limited knowledge of the subject area possible religious biases and potential for litigation Most (but certainly not all) survivors will have experienced revictimization by their churches or religious institutions This compounded by abuse by a religious leader in a position of power will under-standably lead to unique challenges Survivors will have
significant trust issues that can impede the forming of a trusting therapeutic relationship with a therapist who will also be in a position of power and may be an employee of an institution With transparency and skill on the part of the therapist and tenacity on the part of the survivor effective thera-
peutic partnership can be achieved While recovery is difficult it is possible
The irony is that many survivors of abuse by clergy have a strong sense of integrity morality and perseverance They learned the lessons that the ldquoreligiousrdquo offend-ers failed to learn At the core of their beings these clergy abuse survivors are the prophets who have come to speak the truth and reveal the abuse and the decep-tions It is this desire for social justice truth telling belonging and connection that will allow a healthy spiritual belief system to rise out of the ashes of what has happened It is this healthy spiritual belief that makes many clergy abuse survivors persistent and tenacious in seeking recovery and social justice They are making a difference and chang-ing the world as we know it
ldquoThe harm experienced
by those who are
abused by clergy is
profound and
multifaceted Some
therapists will not want
to work with survivors
of clergy abuse due to
the complexity of their
issues their limited
knowledge of the
subject area possible
religious biases and
potential for litigationldquo
February 2009
Page 41
tion of it earlier in the lsquo90s but 1997 is when there was a critical mass of mostly male survivors coming forward and taking action against Maple Leaf Gardens Your question specifically was ldquoDid it play a role in my choice of ca-reersrdquo
MS Yes
SJ Yes and no The Maple Leaf
Gardens cases were not my first sexual assault cases but my in-volvement in these cases solidified my interest and desire to help sur-vivors
MS Could you take a few minutes to explain to our readers just what the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal was and why it has played a central role in revealing the extent of sex-ual abuse at least in the Toronto area
of my clients will say something like ldquoYou know this is not about the money I donrsquot care how much I get this is about something elserdquo And whatever that person seeks mdash an apology or the empowerment of filing a lawsuit or a million other unique things mdash that is why I do this kind of work Itrsquos about helping people through whatever process they need in order to begin that healing process the moving forward process
MS And also to provide your clients with a sense of justice
SJ Absolutely Justice is really not about the money itrsquos about the knowledge that theyrsquove come forward theyrsquove done something and theyrsquove empowered themselves It takes a tre-mendous amount of courage to do that I am always in awe of my cli-ents for the amount of courage they have They are my inspiration
MS Many Americans are unaware of the so-called Maple Leaf Gar-dens sex scandal that began some-time in the 1960s but didnrsquot come to wide public attention until 1997 the year after you began practicing law Did this scandal have some affect on your choice of career
SJ Actually the scandal did come to prominence before 1997 There was scattered media atten-
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 1)
SJ Sure There was a series of men who were employed at Maple Leaf Gardens which was the home of the Toronto Maple Leafs mdash the hockey club mdash who over a period of a couple of decades sexually abused probably hundreds of chil-dren It started in the lsquo60s it went on we believe until the early lsquo80s There were two principal men in-volved but there were at least three
others who also were ac-cused In order to under-stand why the Maple Leaf Gardens sex scandals are as important as they are you have to understand that hockey in Toronto and hockey in Canada is almost a religion Hockey is to Canadians what the NFL or Major League Baseball is to Americans Every little boy dreams of about becoming the next Wayne Gretzky becoming the best hockey player he can be Maple Leaf Gar-dens was the home of one of the best loved and biggest hockey teams mdash the Toronto Maple Leafs The Gardens was the high
temple of hockey in Canada and still is In the lsquo60s lsquo70s and even the lsquo80s children mdash mostly boys mdash would go to Maple Leaf Gardens usually unaccompanied by their parents because back then nobody really thought that anything bad would happen to them at the Gar-dens The boys would go there ei-ther for practice games or to watch the Maple Leafs play or more likely they would go to watch To-
(Continued on page 42)
ldquoMaple Leaf Gardens in Memory of Martin Kruzerdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 42
ronto Marlies games The Marlies were the farm team for the Toronto Maple Leafs During these games and these practices the pedophiles who worked at the Gardenrsquos would often befriend these boys seeking out boys who were more vulner-able than others most likely and would sexually assault the boys sometimes off-property but most often within the Gardens itself They would use their position as employees of the Gardens to be able to say to the boys if you come with me Irsquoll get you a broken hockey stick or hockey puck or Irsquoll get you into better seats the next game or whatever other type of inducement would be necessary to get the boys to go with them into either a washroom or a training room or other private place where the boys would be sexually abused
In 1997 there were about 50 or 60 cases all joined to-gether and Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Entertainment Ltd wanted to settle all the cases prior to the Toronto Maple Leafs moving into a new hockey rink called the Air Canada Center so as to have a clean slate at the new rink By and large a lot of the litigation was fin-ished before the team moved into the Air Canada Center but not all of it In fact there are probably 17 or 19 cases going through the court
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 41)
system today more than 10 years after the original large group of plaintiffs went through the court and I believe that new people will continue to come forward when they are strong enough
MS I understand that one of the principal plaintiffs in the case Mar-tin Kruze had settled with the owners or the operators of the Ma-ple Leaf Gardens in 1995 and that he signed a confidentiality agree-ment not to reveal the settlement
or perhaps even the details of what had happened to him Do you think that the confidentiality agree-ment Mr Kruze agreed to slowed down or hindered the full exposure of this scandal
SJ I think that any confidentiality agreement blocks public access to knowledge and to understanding so I do suspect that Martinrsquos confi-dentiality agreement did have some impact on the scandal re-
maining hidden for as long as it did Absolutely yes I believe that confidentiality agreements are in-herently difficult for plaintiffs be-cause they create and continue a cycle of secrecy Sexual assault is a crime that is almost always carried out in secret and the guilt and shame it produces is key in helping pedophiles maintain their hold over their victims Putting a confidential-ity agreement on a settlement just perpetuates the guilt and the shame
MS Unfortunately Martin Kruzersquos principal perpetrator received a shockingly light sen-tence for all his actions and I understand that this led to Martin com-mitting suicide shortly afterwards
SJ I would think that the perpetratorrsquos sentence was a part of why Martin chose to end his life yes It hap-pened relatively shortly after the sentencing and I suspect that it weighed heavily on Martinrsquos decision
MS Do you think that the sen-tence that the perpetrator received was a reflection of the then current attitude towards pedophiles and sexual abuse
SJ The sentence that the perpe-trator received was a reflection on the way that the Canadian justice system deals with criminals regard-ing personal crimes absolutely It was a very low sentence in keep-
Imants Kruze visiting his sonrsquos memorial quilt square in the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 43
obtain here versus how much they can obtain in the United States In the United States there is no cap for pain and suffering awards whereas here in Canada there is a very small cap mdash about $325000 If a survivor of sexual assault goes through the court system and even if they have a very good day in court in terms of compensation yoursquore probably looking at an award for dam-ages somewhere be-tween $200000 and $500000 Sometimes itrsquos actually less than $200000 and very very rarely more than $500000 so in that sense we are defi-nitely behind But I donrsquot think itrsquos a question of waiting 10 years to see if we ldquocatch uprdquo I think itrsquos just a fundamental difference in how our court system works and whatrsquos available to survivors in terms of compensation
If you mean that Canada is 10 years behind in dealing with other aspects of sexual assault then you are probably correct in terms of media attention public awareness and outrage Sexual assault is still largely an unreported unprose-cuted crime But things are getting better every day and as more and more survivors come forward posi-tive changes will continue to hap-pen
MS As Irsquom sure you know therersquos periodic discussion about tort re-
ing with what was handed out at the time and to a large extent itrsquos still in keeping with what is handed out right now
MS Are you still representing or have you represented anyone who is a plaintiff in this scandal
SJ I was very much involved in the core group of Maple Leaf Gar-dens survivors that came forward in 1997 I was on what was called the plaintiffsrsquo committee back then which was a group of a few lawyers who brought the litigation forward I represented a number of plaintiffs in the original group that came forward I have also represented quite a few men throughout the last 10 years and currently repre-sent two men in the last group of plaintiffs to come forward I have also been approached by at least two other men who may decide to pursue litigation
MS Dale English mdash who has spo-ken to you at some length mdash has said to me that either you or he or both of you have felt that Canada is perhaps 10 or more years behind the US in dealing with the issues of sexual abuse and sexual assault Could you elaborate on that com-ment
SJ I think it depends on what you mean by dealing with the is-sues If you mean dealing with the issues in terms of bringing civil cases forward to a certain extent we are behind One of the funda-mental differences between the United States and Canada is the way that our tort systems operate and specifically the amount of compensation that tort victims can
form in the United States mainly aimed at capping punitive dam-ages Irsquom wondering whether there is the mirror of that in Canada mdash whether therersquos any movement to-wards tort reform that would allow greater awards to victims
SJ Well there is and there isnrsquot In Canada itrsquos very difficult if not
impossible to get pu-nitive damages espe-cially if therersquos a criminal conviction The punitive damages that are available in Canada are very low A typical punitive damage award would be $20000 or $25000 - usually not much more than that So damages are quite restricted here in any event In terms of tort reform I think there is a global push by in-surance companies to
try to limit compensation whether in the States or here The things that the American Association of Justice are fighting for down in the States are the same things that the Ontario Trial Lawyers Association are fighting for here mdash the continued ability to sue for compensation un-hampered by legislative roadblocks benefitting powerful institutional defendants to the detriment of those who have suffered Ours is a much smaller playing field and therefore less money is at stake In terms of plaintiffsrsquo lawyers wersquore trying to maximize the compensa-tion that we can get for our client Every time we go to court we try
(Continued on page 44)
ldquoIf you mean that
Canada is 10 years
behind in dealing with
other aspects of sexual
assault then you are
probably correct in
terms of media
attention public
awareness and outrageldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 44
to get a higher damage award so that that case will be a building block for future cases There are always attempts to try to circum-vent the cap on pain and suffering damages that we have Itrsquos not an easy thing to do the cap has been in place in Canada for 32 years now It was put in place in 1977 by the Supreme Court of Canada and itrsquos unlikely to be overturned any-time soon Even though from a purely theoretical legal analysis that cap does not apply to pain and suffering damages for victims of sexual assault and sexual abuse the reality is that judges still use that cap as a high water mark even though it doesnrsquot formally apply mdash it is still a de facto cap and to be honest with you it is almost impos-sible to get anywhere near that cap for compensation for pain and suf-fering A typical pain and suffering award in Canada for childhood sex-ual abuse is somewhere between $100000 and $200000 Anything on top of that would be associated economic loss or care costs
MS Itrsquos quite unfortunate that even though therersquos no real cap the law behaves as if there were one
SJ Yep I couldnrsquot agree with you more Itrsquos very unfortunate
MS I understand that in 2005 the government of Ontario convened whatrsquos known as the Cornwall Pub-lic Inquiry Was the Inquiry con-vened to address the issues of sex-ual abuse and sexual assault and
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 43)
the way the justice system is han-dling it
SJ Thatrsquos probably one of the reasons the Inquiry was convened Thatrsquos one of the hopes The In-quiry was convened because of what was going on in a little city east of Toronto mdash a series of allega-tions against very prominent mem-bers of that community involving the sexual abuse of children over a period of many many years The idea behind the Inquiry is to try to figure out what happened and to put in place some recommenda-tions that will not only stop some-thing like the abuse in Cornwall from happening again but will also try to help those who were affected by the events in the first place And to some extent I think some good will come of the Inquiry Hopefully the recommendations will be good for survivors of childhood sexual abuse or any kind of sexual assault The Submission phase of the In-quiry officially ended late February 2009
MS Did you have the opportunity to testify before the Inquiry
SJ I did not personally testify before the Inquiry Testimony was generally limited to the people ac-tually involved mdash police officers vic-tims what not I was involved in the Inquiry with regards to a panel discussionroundtable that they had regarding the use of confiden-tiality agreements
MS As you probably know Male-Survivor was first founded in the early 1980s by a group of thera-pists who were concerned about support for victims of childhood
sexual abuse and although Male-Survivor is still not a very large or-ganization it has increased its in-fluence significantly over the years and Irsquom wondering whether there is a similar non-profit or other group in Canada that also is dedi-cated to helping victims of child-hood sexual abuse
SJ There are some grass roots organizations that deal with victims of childhood sexual abuse or adult sexual assault I donrsquot believe there is as cohesive a unit as MaleSurvi-vor I may be wrong on that but there are smaller more community based organizations that assist sur-vivors That being said resources available to survivors are unfortu-nately pretty limited
MS Is that because there are too few therapists in that form of prac-tice
SJ I think itrsquos a mixture of many different things First of all Canada has a much smaller population base mdash 30 million people as com-pared to 300 million in the United States mdash so you have significantly fewer people affected and there-fore you have significantly fewer resources available to those people The services that we do have will often have very long waiting lists before people can access them There are some very very good counselors in Canada assisting sur-vivors but unfortunately the waiting lists are sometimes long and the availability for public funding to provide services free of charge is somewhat limited
MS Is there anything in your opinion about the Canadian health
February 2009
Page 45
system that contributes to the scar-city of services
SJ I donrsquot know if itrsquos the Cana-dian health system I think that in Canada we have a pretty good public health system in the sense that anybody who needs medical services can access those services free of charge The problem is that a lot of these services are not covered under our health system per se Many are covered under either private plans or pay as you go type services and itrsquos just a question of finding the people who can provide these services and being lucky enough to get them when they either donrsquot have a waiting list or other-wise having to wait until your name comes up on that waiting list
MS And that could takes years in some cases it seems
SJ My understanding is that those waiting lists can be quite long but there are very good peo-ple out there Itrsquos just a question of finding them and being able to afford them
MS Can you elaborate on other differences between the US and Canada that affect the way survi-vors and perpetrators are treated by the legal system and the media
SJ The differences between Can-ada and the US are really huge On the surface Americans and Canadi-ans look pretty much the same dress the same talk the same eat the same foods and by and large watch the same TV but culturally there is a huge difference in the way we look at the world in the
way our legal system works and the way that people interact with one another
Americans are much more litigious by na-ture I think this is due to the fact that in the United States mdash at least as seen from the outside mdash the rights of the individual are paramount In Can-ada less so Canada is much more commu-nity-oriented We of-tentimes think about how something is going to affect others instead of looking at what an individual might be entitled to I think that the high
damage awards available through the American legal system are beneficial in sexual abuse cases as is the lack of a cap on awards which we have
In some ways though our legal system is much better for my cli-ents than the US system would be because of the way that our actual process works One of the things that I know is very damaging to a lot of plaintiffs in the United States is the whole discovery process tak-
ing depositions Depositions can go on for a huge number of days and pretty much everybody in the per-sonrsquos life can be called to give a deposition That is very troubling and painful for people who donrsquot necessarily want others to know about their abuse or donrsquot want to involve their family Here in Canada depositions mdash or what we call the examination for discovery mdash are lim-ited to the actual named parties in the lawsuit The defendant and the plaintiff are examined for discovery or deposed if you will Anyone who is not an actual party to the litiga-tion can only be discovered under court orders and itrsquos very difficult to get those court orders so in that sense itrsquos a much quicker cleaner process and less intrusive on some-onersquos life So that is probably a good thing
The other really huge difference between the two systems which I think does in fact impact on why a lot of these cases settle as opposed to going to court and oftentimes settle for very different amounts of money than they would if they went to court is that in Canada we have a ldquoloser paysrdquo system If you go to court and you lose you have to pay at least a portion of the fees incurred by the other side Letrsquos say the defendantrsquos settlement offer is $100000 If the plaintiff does not accept that $100000 and at trial the plaintiff gets $99000 then the plaintiff has to pay the lawyerrsquos fees of the defendant because the award is less than the settlement offer That is very difficult That means that a lot of cases are set-tled for probably less money than
(Continued on page 46)
ldquoOn the surface
Americans and
Canadians look pretty
much the same hellip but
culturally there is a
huge difference in the
way we look at the
world in the way our
legal system works and
the way that people
interact with one
anotherldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 46
MS I join you in that hope Any-thing that can advance the cause of not only helping people but also helping prevent further abuses is always going to be welcome If you could set forth a vision of how you would like to see the law and the therapeutic community in Canada evolve to handle matters of child-
hood sexual abuse and sexual assault mdash if you could influence the reform of institu-tions what would your vision be
SJ Oh Richard Wow Well first and foremost I would love to raise public aware-ness of this issue for various reasons I think that increased public awareness will not necessarily reduce the instances of abuse but will help improve how abuse is dealt with when itrsquos ongoing and after-wards Itrsquos very im-portant that when a child is hurt that
child knows that he can go to peo-ple for help and support All too often if kids get up enough cour-age to tell someone the reaction they get is not very positive I think that with increased public aware-ness hopefully people will under-stand that there are ways to deal with this that will decrease the amount of harm so public aware-ness is paramount
I would like the legal system to raise compensation awards for sur-
turning point in bringing to the publicrsquos attention that the sexual assault of children can happen does happen and itrsquos a very diffi-cult thing for anyone to go through whether theyrsquore little boys or grown men that were abused as children It brought childhood sex-ual abuse out of the shadows to a certain extent The scandal still garners media attention as new survivors come forward but not the same as it did 10 years ago
MS Would you say that the lack of inves-tigative reporting is a cultural phenomenon or is it that the news-papers donrsquot feel they have that role
SJ Oh no Canadian newspapers do feel that they have a role in investigating things but for whatever rea-son sexual abuse of children has not been a priority The Cana-dian media really has not been at the forefront of this issue the way the media in the United States has been and I think that is tremen-dously disappointing The lack of media attention means that we arenrsquot fostering the awareness within the public that we need in order to provide real help and ser-vices for survivors We need the mediarsquos help to bring this horrific crime to light and to help stop it from happening
they would get if they went to court because that risk of going to court and not getting at least the amount of the original offer weighs heavily on everyone Our system is designed and geared toward avoid-ing trials which can be good be-cause nobody really wants to go through a trial but can be bad be-cause people become very intimi-dated by the prospect of losing or not getting as much as the settle-ment offer and being indebted to the defendant for a lot of money Thatrsquos a scary scary thing to go through
With regards to the media the US has a media that by and large has helped out a lot with sexual abuse cases The whole issue of clergy abuse really started with investiga-tive reporting by the Boston Globe right
MS Right
SJ They really took that issue and just ran with it Here in Canada we really havenrsquot had the same kind of investigative media cover-age as yoursquove had which is why events like the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal are not as huge as they are down in the States
Before Martin Kruze committed sui-cide the media was only somewhat interested in the Maple Leaf Gar-dens scandal Martin Kruze was a figure because he had sued the Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Com-plex But after he committed sui-cide the media was really galva-nized and that was probably a
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 45)
ldquoThe lack of media
attention means that we
arenrsquot fostering the
awareness within the
public that we need in
order to provide real
help and services for
survivors We need the
mediarsquos help to bring
this horrific crime to
light and to help stop it
from happeningrdquo
February 2009
Page 47
ments but it canrsquot at this stage really happen through the courts
I would want there to be an ability for institutions or perpetrators mdash de-fendants mdash to look beyond mere dollars and cents and look toward healing the person that they have hurt either directly or indirectly All too often in these cases we really become tied up in the legal minu-tiae of things as opposed to defen-dants saying ldquoOK letrsquos step back here and letrsquos try to helprdquo
I wish that there were a real under-standing that these cases are not car accident cases and they should
not be treated as car accident cases My clients are not people whorsquove broken a leg and therefore need X amount of dollars in order to pay for medical services or whatnot And unfortu-nately that doesnrsquot necessarily happen
In terms of the thera-peutic community I would love to see counseling and therapy ses-sions be paid for through the pub-lic purse so that people who re-quire the services of highly-skilled counselors and therapists and psy-chologists can access those services without having to pay for them A lot of clients just donrsquot have the economic means to pay for such services until after they get a set-tlement and that could take years It would be wonderful to see those kinds of services funded the same way as a trip to the emergency room or a trip to your family doc-tor for a cold is funded Irsquod love to
vivors The amount of damage that can be done as a result of child-hood abuse or in fact any kind of sexual assault is tremendous It affects almost every aspect of someonersquos life It becomes inter-generational because it affects the people around the survivor and compensation awards are still very much a pale reflection of what is needed in order to help these peo-ple I hope that at some point our judges and our legislature under-stand that need and can corre-spondingly give appropriate and reasonable damage awards so that people can start to rebuild their lives in a meaningful way
I would love there to be an opportunity within our civil system for more than just compensation At this stage the only thing that a civil judge can do is award monetary compensation There are a lot of creative things that you can do within a settlement that are not purely fi-nancial that can give a lot of sol-ace to someone who has been abused whether that be in the form of some non-financial healing whether it be in the form of a situation where somebody can con-front their abuser if thatrsquos what they wish to do in a safe setting or whether itrsquos the ability for that sur-vivor to do something outside of pure simple dollars and put for-ward some sort of healing plan that is as individual as they are That can happen through settle-
be able to see that I think that that would go a long way to helping people earlier rather than later
Ultimately I wish that this situation didnrsquot exist anymore and I would be put out of business frankly
MS Well I can certainly sympa-thize with the way you feel but it would seem that you have a career ahead of you dealing with this problem
SJ Unfortunately I think you are right I think that instances of child-hood sexual abuse are not neces-sarily going down I think that insti-tutions are getting a little bit better at putting in place policies and sometimes even following their own policies to stop pedophiles from entering those institutions and preying on people that those insti-tutions are theoretically set up to serve but I think that as long as the problem of childhood sexual abuse is with us I will be out there trying to help anybody that I can
MS Is there anything else yoursquod like to say to our readers
SJ I think that organizations such as MaleSurvivor are imperative in helping people understand that they are not alone that itrsquos not their fault and there are ways to get help So hats off to an organi-zation such as yours The clients I have who are involved in your or-ganization are very very well served so I have to thank you for being a resource
MS Thank you very much for your kind comments and for your time Simona
ldquoUltimately I wish that
this situation didnrsquot exist
anymore and I would be
put out of business
franklyrdquo
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-
February 2009
Page 23
matum He said that if I would not come to his house we could no longer be friends I donrsquot know how I did it but I decided that I did not want to go to his house and that was the end of that I now know that he went on to find an-other victim
For nearly the next two decades I struggled with life To add insult to injury I knew that I was a gay male and after the abuse I figured that this was what a gay relation-ship was like and I didnrsquot want it I lacked direction with almost everything I did For a while I was practically homeless because I was staying with one friend after another putting myself in situations where I could be abused again and again I was con-stantly haunted with
guilt because I was sure that the man who abused me was abusing other boys
Finally one day I came forward and told the police about my abuse They charged this man and I quickly learned that this perpetra-tor was one of the nastiest that I have come across to this day He had deep pockets and fought ruthlessly I was followed by private investigators my friends were approached by private investigators
made it clear that his gentle kind supportive ways would have a cost to me I remember hating the experience This disgusting smelling man was more than repulsive Would you believe that I went back Well I did Most other vic-tims of sexual abuse will under-
stand why better than those who have not been there I wanted to be cared for and listened to so badly that for a while I just put up with the abuse This guy came to my school at lunch and let me drive his car around the back streets I was too young and imma-ture to realize that this was not a kind gesture but more grooming that would give him access to what he wanted Eventually he got an-noyed that I would avoid going to his house so he gave me an ulti-
for interviews and he hired some of Canadarsquos best attorneys to get him out of his charges When I went to court to testify at a prelimi-nary trial he had people there to threaten me in the halls of the court and the bathrooms The criminal case went on and on and eventually to the Supreme Court of Canada for a ruling about my con-sent All in all it has been a very intense process which went on so long that the case was thrown out because of delay He is still not out of hot water because the College of Physicians and Surgeons went after him and I had to testify at that hearing too which is still going on to this day
Last fall I completed my third Weekend of Recovery and al-though I have been in private ther-apy for close to four years and have been a part of a menrsquos group in Toronto nothing compares to the results that I achieved from attending the Weekends of Recov-ery The weekend program and the connections that I made with other guys and therapists have been instrumental in giving me a push forward allowing me to have some happiness and a meaningful rela-tionship which I was never able to have before
Life is not perfect but I can tell you that it is so much better than it was a few years ago and it is getting better all the time
Bruce M during the time of his abuse
Vol 2 No 2
Page 24
nor injury well that was his cue He took me into a medical room and closed the door He examined my knee and soon the subject changed That was the first time that I was sexually assaulted
Over the years this repulsive man be-came my coach in both hockey and baseball He was a central figure at the arena and the base-ball diamond He was the one involved in all the fundraisers and came to be known as ldquothe guy who would do any-thing for the kidsrdquo Most of the parents loved him mdash but not mine He drank with parents partied with them all while he ldquotook carerdquo of us kids
The first time I was abused at the arena I told someone older than I I did so again when I was 15 What was I to do Neither time did the adults take appropriate action and you guessed it everything was swept under the carpet So I did the only thing I knew how to do mdash I stuffed it
Growing up was a difficult time for me because of the abuse and the fact that I suffered with ADHD and anxiety (undiagnosed at the time) My sisters did well in school how-ever I didnrsquot I would work my tail off get a ldquoCrdquo and then would be told to work harder or asked if I
A Victim No More
by Glenn Allan
M y name is Glenn Allan and I grew up in Stoney Creek Ontario Canada
By all rights I should have been dead years ago I am a recovering alcoholic and cocaine addict and I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse I donrsquot want my story to become an ldquoabuse or addiction-aloguerdquo so I wonrsquot get into graphic details or talk about every abusive situation
Please keep an open mind as this is my story
I was wel-comed into a loving yet dysfunctional family in February of 1964 I have four sisters
nine nieces and nephews two great-nieces and one great-nephew My story begins around the age of seven I loved skating and playing hockey I was always told ldquoYoursquove gotta practice to get betterrdquo and so I did I would play as much ice and road hockey as I could and my sis-ters would take me public skating It was at public skating that my abuser first spotted me and as-saulted me I fell during one of those skating sessions and hurt my knee My abuser was a skating monitor that day and when I needed medical attention for a mi-
were dumb My frustrations grew mdash if only they knew that there was a hurting little boy inside But I was a boy who was too afraid to say that he hurt or to cry mdash because ldquobig boys donrsquot cryrdquo I would get teased at home about being stupid or
asked ldquoWhy donrsquot you try harderrdquo
I couldnrsquot defend my-self verbally with my parents because that would have been ldquotalking backrdquo There were times when I would be so angry at them for picking on me for little things and I would think to myself ldquoYou are yell-ing at me for this while he (the abuser) is doing that to merdquo
Talk about frustration and built up rage I was a walking volcano I would fight all the time whether it was at school playing hockey or baseball it really didnrsquot matter why mdash all I knew was I was MAD
Over the years I slowly lost my self-esteem and self-worth I wanted to be anybody but me I idolized ath-letes like Bobby Orr Bobby Clarke and Pete Rose because of their dedication and work ethic Being a class clown I loved comedians (Steve Martin Richard Pryor Robin Williams Johnny Carson) and the entertainer in me loved singers (Elvis) and wanted so badly to be them Then maybe people would like me because there was abso-lutely no way anyone could really
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Glenn Allan
ldquoMy frustrations grewmdash
if only they knew that
there was a hurting little
boy inside But I was a
boy who was too afraid
to say that he hurt or to
crymdashbecause lsquobig boys
donrsquot cryrsquordquo
February 2009
Page 25
like or love me with the things my abuser had made me do
Because of the trauma of being abused I wet the bed until I was about 12 years of age which drained any remaining self-worth or self-esteem that I had left I was so embarrassed And then I had to tolerate ridiculous comments from people saying things like ldquoYou know that you are going to have to stop thisrdquo and ldquoYou are getting too old for thisrdquo No kidding really Did they think that I liked waking up in my own urine Did they not think that I wanted to stop Did they have any idea how their words hurt me Man oh man it was like that all the time They just didnrsquot think before they spoke
Frustrated and over-whelmed in my teens I finally found the ldquofriendrdquo that I had been looking for mdash first name ldquoALrdquo last name ldquoCOHOLrdquo I would be-come a whole new person when I drank booze and how I drank I found a brand new confidence I was somewhat funny when I drank dur-ing the early years of drinking however over time I became de-pressed and extremely angry I would fight in bars on a regular basis Then in December of 1987 I was stabbed outside a bar and nearly died Now you would think that being stabbed and nearly dy-ing would prompt a lifestyle
change or at the very least cause me to take a personal inventory of my situation and myself But not me I wore it as a badge of honour allowing the insanity to continue
It is said that if the drugs and alco-hol donrsquot kill you the lifestyle will During this time and over the years I was introduced to many criminals Their crimes ranged from murder assaults extortion and drug dealing to running massage parlours and prostitution mdash to just name a few One of my acquaint-ances was even a hired killer He
actually assassinated two reputed crime bosses in Ontario and is now serving a lengthy sentence for those and other killings
But I was drawn to their so-called power and complete disregard for the law Looking back on it I guess I was looking to reclaim the power
that was stolen from me by my abuser
In my early twenties I got a job working with Young Offenders as a Correctional Officer With the money I was making I bought a very nice sports car dated pretty women was extremely materialistic and yet I was never satisfied I worked in corrections for about four years During that time I also began my career in the world of entertainment as a voice impres-sionist and stand-up comedian as well as a co-host of a comedy tele-
vision show I had a tremendous ego and unknowingly had be-come rdquoThe Great I Amrdquo
After a couple of years I moved from comedy to producing and host-ing my own sports television program which aired for ten years I had so much fun and I was able to meet and interview some of sportsrsquo big-gest names
In my mid-20s when the alcohol wasnrsquot medicating my pain any longer I turned to
something stronger mdash COCAINE During a span of approximately ten years the combination of alcohol cocaine and all my poor choices cost me most of my jobs many of my relationships and all my money It drove me to criminal activity po-lice charges a conviction and a criminal record But most of all I
(Continued on page 26)
Alone Uncredited Photo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 26
was lost Glenn was slowly dying inside me I became depressed and despondent and I hated so many people But most of all I hated my-self
I had attempted suicide on a few occasions and I really and truly had a death wish I hated myself so much that on Friday January 16 1998 loaded with a supply of co-caine and booze I booked myself into a hotel room with no intention of coming out alive Friday night and Saturday passed with me drinking and getting high on co-caine After having more cocaine delivered to me on Sunday after-noon there was no turning back mdash or so I thought Approximately at midnight on Sunday I made my final decision mdash it was time for me to leave this stinking world I ingested enough cocaine to kill me and then I barricaded my hotel door and ripped the phone out of the wall I lay down on the bed defeated broken sad guilt-ridden ashamed depressed and scared yet so ready to die
Only Divine Intervention mdash some sort of miracle mdash can explain what hap-pened next The police came into my hotel room at just the right time on Sunday night and took me to the hospital Who called them how did they know to come to my room I donrsquot know Well thatrsquos not completely true Today I am a man of faith and as a Christian I know exactly who orchestrated my rescue
A Victim No More (Continued from page 25)
After a brief stay in the hospital I chose to enter the Hamilton Menrsquos Withdrawal Management Centre where I spent eleven days From there I entered an intensive addic-tion treatment centre for a six-week stay followed by a five and one half month stay at a recovery house
I have been clean and sober since Janu-ary 19 1998
I work the program of recovery intensely I was blessed with some incredible therapists who were able to break through my trust issues my rough exterior and my wall of comedy to allow me to heal I also became involved in the 12-Steps and other support groups through which I have found tremendous friendships and men-toring
Recovery is about making changes Al-though my abuser assaulted me until I was 15 years old I blamed him for all of my problems until I was 33 years old I had to change from being a pro-fessional blamer and liar to a man of responsibility character and in-tegrity It wasnrsquot easy however after many tears and lots of hard work life has gotten much better
Over time and through applying these principles I found peace se-renity and forgiveness and I also
learned how to love myself again Everything that was set in motion to harm me as a young man is now what drives me With Godrsquos help today I am able to live humbly honestly open-minded and willing to do whatever it takes to stay clean and sober while doing what I can to help others who face similar
struggles
Today I serve the Ca-nadian Centre for Abuse Awareness as the Director of the Southwestern Ontario office My mission at hand is to create a task force that will be responsible for build-ing a residential pro-gram for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
I am also the Execu-tive Producer and Host of three popular television programs Good News Sports The Edge and Living Clean Living Clean is the only live weekly interactive television program in Canada
that is designed to assist individu-als who suffer with addiction abuse andor mental illnesses
I also host The Glenn Allan Show on a local radio station in Hamil-ton ON Canada
As a motivational speaker my pres-entation entitled Youth Yak Live has enabled me to speak to thou-sands of youth nationwide since 2000 Through Youth Yak Live I
ldquoRecovery is about
making changes
Although my abuser
assaulted me until I was
15 years old I blamed
him for all of my
problems until I was 33
years old I had to
change from being a
professional blamer and
liar to a man of
responsibility character
and integrity
February 2009
Page 27
Male Survivor Groups (MSG)
By Robert Beacuterubeacute Co-founder MSG
M ale Survivor Groups (MSG) was created by a group of male survivors
of childhood sexual abuse follow-ing the death of a fellow survi-vor in Lon-don Ontario Canada The initial objec-tives were to foster cama-raderie and support for one another and also to obtain proper help
for survivors in the London area
Presently our aim is to help all male survivors and also to make our cause known It is open to all male survivors of childhood ado-lescent and adult abuse We have expanded and have supported the creation of groups across Canada and we are prepared to support the creation of groups throughout the World
Groups have been established in London Vancouver Sudbury and North Bay in Canada
Our beliefs
1 Our groups are for male survi-vors of abuse What is said in the group remains there What is stated must remain confiden-
have developed tremendous work-ing relationships with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police Ontario Provincial Police Crime Stoppers local police agencies young of-fender facilities churches self-help groups and alcohol and drug treatment centres
I also facilitate a weekly peer sup-port group for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
There was a time when I thought I would never get married and that no one could love me for who I am Colleen and I met in 1999 We both have similar pasts We both have worked through our abuse issues and are both clean and so-ber In 2001 my best friend and I married and we now have three beautiful children Ashley Brandon and Christopher Spending the rest of my life with Colleen and our family is a dream come true
The opportunity of sharing Godrsquos gifts and blessings with others is truly an honour and a privilege It is imperative that I never take these things for granted
If I can assist you or someone dear to you please donrsquot hesitate to contact me at the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness Ph 905-594-1581 or email glennccfaacom or visit these websites
wwwabusehurtscom wwwlivingcleanca wwwglennallanca
or write to me co CCAA 38 King St East PO Box 66614 Stoney Creek ON L8G 5E5
(Continued from page 26)
tial Anonymity is of the utmost importance unless the survivor has gone public But intimate details of the public person must also remain confidential Confidentiality must be assured
2 We are in the group to heal and to support each other
3 We are male survivors who want to heal and help others in the process We can be as young as 16 or as old as old can be
4 Our primary purpose is our own safe being Secondary purposes are the betterment of services for male survivors and the advancement of our cause
5 We fight on so that we may grow in solidarity
6 We are not a religious group We do use different models of functioning in our different sub-groups Ours is a healing group for more than one prob-lematic issue
7 We encourage partnerships with organisations businesses and agencies that foster the creation of services for male survivors of abuse
We have created a Facebook Group which is also open to FRIENDS who support our cause Our group is establishing partnerships with other male survivor groups in Canada and worldwide You can contact us through the Facebook page or by emailing me at berube55yahooca
Support Groups
Robert Beacuterubeacute
Vol 2 No 2
Page 28
The CCAA By Ellen Campbell [ellenccfaacom]
Founder and Executive Director Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness
A s some of you know the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness (CCAA) is a
national non-government charitable organization dedicated to eliminat-ing child abuse through advocacy education public awareness and prevention programs With help from community and corporate partners the CCAA provides accessible support healing and indi-vidual empowerment for adult survivors their fami-lies and caregivers through over 20 programs Those that listen to classic rock station Q107 in the To-ronto region will recognize us as their charity of choice through Derringerrsquos Thir-teen Days of Christmas campaign
Based in Newmarket On-tario the CCAA is an active and vibrant organization that in addition to its variety of program offer-ings is also involved in public safety advocacy That advo-cacy started with the early release from prison of one of the perpetra-tors in the Maple Leaf Gardensrsquo child sex abuse scandal Many surviving victims were traumatized again this time by the system The
CCAA went public with its concerns that day and the public safety advocacy program was born
Later the CCAA wrote a sweeping report titled Martinrsquos Hope named in memory of Martin Kruze (the first victim to courageously go public with the story of his abuse at the Gardens and who later tragi-cally took his own life) that made 60 recommendations for legislative and policy change to the criminal justice system These recommenda-tions were gleaned from round-
table discussions with over 150 front-line criminal justice system professionals crime victims and survivors To this day members of the Kruze family sit on the CCAA Board of Directors
After the initial public release of the Martinrsquos Hope report in the fall of 2003 I knew that if repairs were to be made to the criminal justice system advocacy would have to be accelerated That advocacy began in earnest in early 2006 with the hiring of John Muise a volunteer with the CCAA and previously a Toronto police officer with signifi-cant experience in legislative and policy advocacy The hire coincided with new political winds blowing in Ottawa The CCAArsquos full-time public
safety program was born
Relationships already in existence were strength-ened new ones were made and the CCAA intensified its advocacy with politi-cians stakeholders and other decision makers In addition the CCAA courted media attention recogniz-ing the opportunity to get our message out
That advocacy included the preparation of written briefs in support of testi-mony before a number of decision making bodies including several appear-ances before the House of Commons Justice Commit-tee
ADVOCACY REWARDED The last three years have brought success on a number of fronts Progress on the criminal justice reform front is rarely if ever the result of one person or just one organization advocating for
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoMartinrsquos Hoperdquo in Memory of Martin Arnold Kruze From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 29
government Although there are specific circumstances under which the age of consent is 16 (or 18) the general age of consent remained at 14 For many in the child protection
world this has been a shame of what is otherwise a devel-oped and civilized land The fight is finally over with the passage and Royal Assent of this legisla-tion in July of 2008 This is a victory for the many people that fought the good fight and most importantly this law allows prose-cution of those adult predators who choose to sexually exploit 14
and 15 year old children
Review of federal corrections policy
In 2007 the federal government ordered an independent review of the federal corrections and parole system The CCAA attended the announcement of that review and subsequently appeared before the review team and provided detailed written recommendations for change The final report included a number of recommendations that the CCAA provided including those contained in Martinrsquos Hope A rollout of some report recommen-dations has already started includ-ing a pilot project for the use of electronic monitoring on serious and violent offenders who are on parole in communities
(Continued on page 30)
Dangerous offenders Having someone declared a dan-gerous offender is very difficult to do In fact there are fewer then 400 declared dangerous offenders in the country This amendment makes it easier to bring a dangerous offender application for a serious repeat con-victed offender before the court The end result should be we hope the detection and declaration of more dangerous offenders Dangerous offender designation is for life and results in indefinite lock-up of the offender with periodic judicial reviews
Community protection orders
Also known as ldquoSection 810rdquo orders they allow the state to monitor the activities of certain subjects mdash no longer under some form of sen-tence or other judicial release but still considered a danger mdash to be placed on a judicial order similar to a bail with control and monitoring conditions The legislation explicitly expands the controls that can be usedmdashfor example electronic moni-toringmdashand extends the length of the order from one year to two
Age of protection For longer than people care to remember advocates have fought to raise the general age of consent from 14 to 16 years of age Until recently those voices have been largely ignored by the federal
change but no one can deny the important roll played by the CCAA in advancing these reforms These are all original recommendations contained in the Martinrsquos Hope report The results as they say speak for themselves and include but are not limited to the follow-ing
Mandatory minimum sentences for Internet chi ld abuse offences
Over time courts have increasingly relied on so called ldquohouse arrestrdquo provisions (see section immediately below) when sentencing offenders found guilty of Internet child abuse and similar kinds of serious child exploitation offences The sen-tences were often way out of pro-portion to the gravity of the crimes Minimum sentences were legislated for a variety of crimes with the net effect of eliminating the ability of the court to impose ldquohouse arrestrdquo
Conditional sentences of imprisonment
Better known as ldquohouse arrestrdquo this measure brought in over a decade ago was being imposed by the courts for ever more serious of-fenders and offences Many violent and dangerous offenders were allowed to serve their term of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo at home Justice and public safety were compro-mised by this provision Although the Bill that finally passed was watered down significantly by opposition party demands the end result was a tightening of the cir-cumstances under which a sen-tence of this kind could be given
ldquoAfter the initial public
release of the Martinrsquos
Hope report in the fall
of 2003 I knew that if
repairs were to be made
to the criminal justice
system advocacy would
have to be acceleratedrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 30
munity committees and inquiries including the Federal Inquiry pre-sided over by Justice Major into the Air India bombing
Moving forward We are delighted to report that John Muise our Director of Public Safety has recently received a Governor-in-council appointment as a full-time member of the Na-tional Parole Board effective in May of 2009 Although this is a big loss
for the CCAA we are thrilled for John and we know that he will bring the same com-mitment to public safety in that position as he did with the CCAA We wish him the very best in this new and challenging role
Much progress has been made in the past three years with
more anticipated The federal gov-ernment has signaled its intention to finish the work it started and attempt a further repeal of condi-tional sentences of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo They have also said that they in-tend on amending certain aspects of parole legislation and moving on tightening up security (including drug interdiction) in federal prisons
As we kick off 2009 the CCAA has the following priorities
Enhanced training for law enforcement off icers involved in chi ld abuse
investigations The introduction of provincial ldquosafe havenrdquo legislation that would pro-
vide a distressed mother who has given birth (within 72 hours) to take her baby to a place of safety (for example fire station police station hospital emergency) no questions asked and drop the baby off The purpose is to avoid the unthinkable mdash dumpster aban-donment murder at birth This legislation exists in all 50 of the United States but has yet to to be introduced in this country
Parole reform In addition the CCAA will work with partners on two parole and corrections recommendations They include legislating breach of parole as an offence for which a police officer has a power of arrest Com-plimentary to this the replacement of statutory release (automatic release after serving two thirds of a sentence) with regular earned parole Both recommendations were included in the final report of the Corrections Review Team and had been provided with others by the CCAA
We at the CCAA believe that much has been done on the criminal justice reform and public awareness front We are grateful for the pro-gress thus far and proud of the part we have played in moving the public safety agenda along
There is still much work to be done and the CCAA will step up to carry on this most important work
Selection of judges In recognition of the importance of the justice selection process the federal government has recently expanded the scope of people selected to sit on the regional Judicial Advisory Committees tasked with vetting potential ap-pointments and providing recom-mendations to the federal Attorney General and Minister of Justice for final selection Although still dominated by judges and lawyers a wider variety of voices and minds is now part of the selection proc-ess This is welcome news I am one of those voices I sit on one of the regional committees itrsquos an appointment we can all be proud of
Gun crime and other victim focused matters
Although outside the specific man-date of the CCAA (and not included in the Martinrsquos Hope report) in recognition of the impact on com-munities and particularly at risk children and youth the CCAA also appeared before the House of Commons Committee in support of mandatory minimum sentences for serious gun crimes and for amend-ments that tighten up the bail system for those charged with serious gun-related offences
In addition several crime victim supportive briefs were prepared for a number of safe school and com-
The CCAA (Continued from page 29)
ldquoWe at the CCAA hellip are
grateful for the progress
thus far and proud of
the part we have played
in moving the public
safety agenda alongrdquo
February 2009
Page 31
higher than its current statistical significance would suggest I would suggest itrsquos about one in four of the men I deal with 25 compared to the 16 suggested in the cur-rent literature If you allow for the fact that many of the men I work with have come from dysfunctional families that have been dysfunc-tional for generations the higher rate of incidence will hardly be surprising
I really had no idea when I started this job that I would have a head-
on collision with CSA No idea at all I was in my pre-survivor life My own past experi-ences were like a dormant volcano Sure some smoke would puff out every now and then for no readily apparent rea-son but no major eruption But as I heard more and more stories told by men in their own abyss of despair and self loath-ing things started to bubble within me
I remember the first man who disclosed to me He did not really intend to He started to tell part of a story and I just knew I just knew What he did say was part of an institutional abuse situa-tion that gained public awareness in the media After that story broke many men came forward as well to tell their story of how they too were abused as boys in a school
Inside
By Geeders (Jim)
W hen I was first asked to write about my experi-ences working in a jail I
wasnrsquot really sure what I could say about it Can I say this or should I say that Was it going to be really negative or show promise of better days ahead And what about me mdashthe new me mdash dealing with issues of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) at the same time as the men I see and work with How the hell was (or is) that going to work Well it is a work in progress after all and one that seems to evolve as I change and as I become more comfortable with my own sense of a new self
Let me begin by saying that there is nothing in this article that would meet the rigours of clinical dissection Equally important I do not work with sexual offenders What I am going to say is purely my experience based on personal observation No scientific analysis can be attributed to it apart from what we already know or suspect One in six men will have been sexually assaulted or abused by the time they are 18 It has long been opined that the number of abused men is actually
setting that was really a cover for juveniles in trouble with the law
The inmate I was working with did not come forward at that time He couldnrsquot His disclosure to me was the first time he had ever said anything about his abuse No one else knew mdash no one He was alone His pain was palpable and obvious His shame and guilt were profound Never had he admitted to himself what had happened in that school let alone admitted to a total stranger until that very moment I listened to his pain tried to console him just let him cry Eventually over the course of a couple of interviews it became obvious to me why he was in jail Any self-esteem that he had as a boy or young man was destroyed by his abuse His very essence was rewritten by the men who had abused him Teens get into trouble but they can also learn to later stay out of it by fol-lowing the teachings of those they trust But for this young man his ability to trust was destroyed by the very people who were sup-posed to care for him nurture him and dare I say it love him appro-priately What was even more tragic is that this man came from a cul-ture that has low tolerance for anything that even remotely resem-bles homosexuality
Being abused sent this man on a downward spiral that ultimately turned him into a drug addict by his own admission a junkie who hated himself for what ldquohe had
(Continued on page 32)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoOver the course of
several related careers I
have seen a lot of good
being done Irsquove also
seen a lot of ugliness
that even by todayrsquos
standards defies the
most common
sensibilities we have as
human beingsldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 32
donerdquo His shame and guilt and culture prevented him saying any-thing about what happened It cut him off from any legal action that might take place and removed any sort of financial compensation that he might gain as a result of his abuse It eventually cut him off from his own family because his drug abuse prevented him from working and supporting his wife and family It destroyed his ability to be a good dad and husband A few years later I saw him back in jail again
When I did encounter him again it was with an in-creased sense of awareness within me Every time a man disclosed to me that he had been sexually abused or assaulted I started to die inside A little piece of me just died every time a man said to me what I could not say to myself or anyone else That dormant volcano started to fume a bit more regularly
Over the course of several related careers I have seen a lot of good being done Irsquove also seen a lot of ugliness that even by todayrsquos standards defies the most common sensibilities we have as human beings It exists Itrsquos around every corner if we choose to look at it Along with the ugly we have the good We have people who are willing to take a stand and come forward to say to the world ldquoWe
Inside (Continued from page 31)
have a problem here itrsquos not going to go away and it needs to be fixedrdquo I had the good fortune to meet many of these people last year at a conference on male sex-ual victimization By then I had been able to learn from the men that I serve that perhaps I too could learn to tell someone Could I be a survivor too
Men in jail are there for a reason Whether itrsquos to protect society while they await trial or from
themselves or while sentenced they are here Whether I think they should be here is irrelevant They are usually at the end of their ropes Their lives are upside down and in turmoil They are frequently in withdrawal from illicit drug use They are in the bottom of a pit from which there does not appear to be an escape or refuge They are desperate and will act desperately
if needed They are angry and no longer have any control over their lives Someone has taken that control away from them They have no choice but to comply Failure to comply results in loss of privileges which can include being prohibited from contact with those they love the most Forced co-habitation with other men can evoke strong memories of prior abuse which they cannot deal with let alone understand It can be isolation
They are alone and cannot speak about their issues for fear of being discovered and further stigmatized and trau-matized by a peer group that cannot tolerate differences or diversity
I have been fortunate in that for some reason men trust me and feel safe and able to disclose And when they do you can see the relief on their faces They are scared for sure but it has always seemed to be a relief I have to ask them I have no choice because itrsquos part of my job But now as a survivor myself I can tell them they are not alone I cannot tell them about me but I can tell them they are not alone that they
are among the approximately one in six men who are assaulted or abused when they are boys or young men I can tell them about the few resources we have avail-able for men which are a 100 improvement compared to what they had when they first walked into my office I tell them about MaleSurvivor and have MS posters up in my office I can tell them that
ldquoTougher than lsquoNamrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 33
Maybe not I prefer to think that I have shown them that there is hope There is life in being a survi-vor they donrsquot have to be held hostage any longer by a secret that was put upon them by an abuser I prefer to think that I have been able to show them that they do not have to be ashamed for being male When I speak with them Irsquom a straight shooter I calls rsquoem as I sees lsquoem I use words they can understand mdash street language mdash which helps them understand their bodies and to understand that Mother Nature made them to be reactive and responsive I tell them that simply because their bodies reacted that their bodies re-sponded while being abused did not make the abuse their fault It takes a while to get there at times But the relief when the penny drops and they realize that they themselves were in no way respon-sible for the abuse is quite remark-able
Just this week Irsquove been working with a man who actually smiled when he came into my office He said ldquoI finally get it It wasnrsquot my faultrdquo He then went on to tell me that immediately prior to his at-tending in my office he had just disclosed to his sister while on the phone in his jail area surrounded by other inmates While it was perhaps not the safest venue for a disclosure he made his own deci-sion He said he was taking control As a 35 year old this man has not been in control since he was first abused at age seven Subsequent abuse only reinforced for him that he was an object a thing not worth anything Relationship after relationship failed him as he con-tinued to relive issues of abandon-
there are over 6000 people regis-tered at MS and that when they get out they will find tremendous support at the MS website I can tell them about Weekends of Re-covery without disclosing that attending a WOR was one of the best things I have done with my life They will know that they are no longer alone And not once has anyone asked me directly about me If they did I could not reply which in a round about way is a reply But I cannot reply Why The institution that I work in can be as intolerant of differences and diver-sity as the inmates are of each other The whole notion of male abuse and assault simply does not exist It is not spoken of It will not be spoken of mdash until now
Because abuse is now spoken of I have been able to create a support network for inmates and for myself Itrsquos a small step but a step never-theless Itrsquos spoken of now at a level never before reached in terms of official support and direction Support has yet to be defined but I have a mandate now to do a better job for male survivors Itrsquos on paper Itrsquos my goal
Safety of all concerned has to remain first and foremost mdash safety for the inmate safety for me With inmates disclosing to me often for the first time I am struck by what happens next A huge can of worms is opened And for what There is little safety here little opportunity to follow up The court system tosses these men around like dice One day they are here the next they are God knows where Have I done something that perhaps I shouldnrsquot have Maybe
ment physical and sexual abuse sexual orientation confusion anger management substance abuse domestic violence self respect low self esteem boundaries mdash these and much more impact upon this man daily But hersquos making a start Itrsquos another chance We all need them
I would be remiss to not mention the support of my colleagues Some of them do know about me and they have been tremendously supportive and understanding They too share a belief that it is possible for men to become survivors I cannot imagine doing this work everyday without their ongoing support I love you guys
The resources I refer to are few the Menrsquos Project in Ottawa The Gate-house in Toronto as well as local sexual assault centres I discovered on my own road to recovery that our local sexual assault centre does in fact offer services to men but does not advertise this due to the fear of being inundated with refer-rals They simply are not equipped to handle what surely lies out in my community When the report of the Cornwall Inquiry comes out later this year it is my belief that it will force our government our society to re-examine how its treatment of boys and men is provided Hope-fully those who are like I was feeling alone fearful uncomfortable in their own skin will feel more enabled to come forward to shed that skin that was put on them by their abuser(s) and step out of the ordinary letting their souls ascend and become free
Vol 2 No 2
Page 34
A History of Male Survi-vor Services in Queacutebec
and First Nations Communities
By Caroline Benamza (dance and drama therapistpsychotherapist at CRIPHASE)
And by Benoicirct St Jean (Director of CRIPHASE)
Contact Tel +1-514-529-55-67 Email infocriphaseorg
Website wwwcriphaseorg
T he latest statistics in Queacutebec show that one out of every six men has been sexually
abused before the age of 18 but there are very few statistics regard-ing male survivors and this estima-tion is only based on reported abuse Most adult men or boys who are survivors go unnoticed because most of the services in Queacutebec are exclusively for women In 2008 the male population in Queacutebec was about 3800000 of which about 3000000 are above 20 years of age (from the Institut de la Statistique) Therefore we can estimate that in Queacutebec there are around 500000 male survivors actually visible within the different health care services justice system and police departments The num-ber is already frightening for a seemingly peaceful society like Queacutebec When it comes to Native American communities as many as 80 of boys have been sexually abused before the age of 18 This number is quite similar mdash but for different reasons mdash to the male population within the Federal or Provincial prisons
The reality of male survivors of sexual abuse in childhood has remained in the dark for years in Queacutebec and it is only in the last four years that the government has acknowledged the necessity of funding counseling services for male survivors Historically it can be explained The first services for survivors have been developed since the 1960s within the very strong Queacutebeacutecois feminist move-ments The women have built along the years a strong network of ser-vices for female vic-tims of sexual abuse and domestic vio-lence Today these services still exist as the CALACS (Centres dAide et de Lutte contre les Agressions agrave Caractegravere Sexuel = Sexual Assault Cen-tres) network for survivors of sexual abuse Due to a strong belief in pro-viding a safe haven for women survivors men were turned away from these services and had nowhere to go Only two survivorsrsquo centres in the Montreal area outside the CALACS network welcomed men but those men represent only 5 of clients
This situation became obvious when the CAVAC (Centre drsquoAide pour les Victime drsquoActes Criminels = Crime Victims Assistance Centres) started to provide counseling ser-
vices to victims of criminal acts who wished to press charges and go through a court procedure The first services in Queacutebec for male survivors therefore came from a strong need in the society In 1996 the CAVAC decided to fund an experimental program directed by Denis Reneacute to offer a support group for male survivors This program was named the PHASE Groups (Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = For Men Sexually Abused in Child-
hood) With the suc-cess of these first groups between 1996 and 1997 the CAVAC of Montreal tried to secure funding for the continuation of services Unfortu-nately the PHASE Groups suffered from the double status it carried within the government the Minister of Justice that was the main funder of the CAVAC refused to fund a counseling service supposedly to be funded by the Health Minister Later the Health Minister turned down the
funding because as part of CAVAC the program should have been funded by the Minister of Justice
So it was in 1997 that Denis Reneacute decided to secure the future of the PHASE Groups by registering them
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoWhen it comes to
Native American
communities as many
as 80 of boys have
been sexually abused
before the age of 18
This number is quite
similarmdashbut for different
reasonsmdashto the male
population within the
Federal or Provincial
prisonsrdquo
February 2009
Page 35
intimacy and sexuality issues) and PHASE Artistique (a 10 weeks art and movement therapy program) with a holistic approach to body and mind recovery
In 2008 the very first weekend of recovery (named PHASE Weekend) was created and CRIPHASE wishes to make the weekend an annual event In 2003 for the first time
CRIPHASE became a full member of the Table de Concertation en Agressions Sexuelles (a gathering of several organizations providing services to survivors in addition to representatives from the Justice the Health Minister and the police) This cooperation allows a better understanding of survivor issues and needs as well as a better coor-
within a non-profit organization that took the name CRIPHASE (Centre de Resources et drsquointervention Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = Resource and Intervention Centre for Men who have been Sexually Abused in Childhood) For 10 years the Groups have survived on pri-vate funding and have provided two recovery Groups called PHASE 1 and PHASE 2 Each PHASE is a 10-week program serving non-offending male survivors over 18 years of age and of all sexual orienta-tions With its first public funding in 2004 of $38000 a director was en-gaged by the board of administration and in 2008 the PSOC (a funding body within the agency of Health and Social Services) fi-nally secured the future of CRIPHASE with a first major funding rooting CRIPHASE in the circle of sexual abuse survivors centres
Since 2006 CRIPHASE has devel-oped a major politics of visibility through the media conferences and meetings with the different actors of the Queacutebeacutecois stage Three more programs have been developed within CRIPHASE PHASE Conjoint (for partners of male survivors) PHASE Sexo (a 10 weeks program of recovery focusing on
dination of services on the ground From within the Table CRIPHASE has been able to educate people on the issue of male survivors and participate or initiate projects such as the Information Guide for Sexual Assault Victims and the first pre-vention mobilization and aware-ness march for sexual abuse survi-vors in 2008 The presence of CRIPHASE at the Table has also
allowed the feminists within the CALACS to have a better under-standing of the suffer-ing of male survivors who are also victims in their own way of an old patriarchal system CRIPHASE was also finally incorporated in the CALACS coordina-tion groupmdashcalled Table des CALACS mdash in 2008
Until 2008 there were no services provided in English (Queacutebec is a French-speaking province where Eng-lish speakers are a minority) due to lack of funding to translate the PHASE 1 docu-ments and employ English-speaking therapists The project
to offer groups in English had been put aside for years but finally in 2008 the first groups of PHASE 1 and 2 opened for English speakers The PHASE Artistique and PHASE Weekend are now bilingual pro-grams
(Continued on page 36)
Phone calls received at CRIPHASE
male survivors
therapists
relatives and loved ones
other
The average male survivor using the services at CRIPHASE is aged between 35 and 55
Vol 2 No 2
Page 36
Male survivors in the Native American
communities Recovery programs within Native American communities are only starting Many Native American men were sexually abused as well as psychologically and emotionally abused when they were sent to boarding schools across the province for assimila-tion The effects of this traumatic experience (including historic trauma) can be seen in all First Nations of Queacutebec Algonquians Cris Innus Abenakis Innuits Micmacs and so forth Today there is a strong need of heal-ing for this lost gen-eration but traumatic experiences and con-sequences have been passed on to the next generations Unfortu-nately sexual abuse is one of these problems which need to be addressed through prevention and coun-seling in a way that will integrate Native American traditions and their holistic ap-proach to medicine Such programs already exist within some communi-ties Organizations like GRIPMA (Groupe de Recherches et dInter-ventions Psychosociales en Milieu Autochtone = Research and Inter-vention group in Aboriginal Com-munities) located in the Huron
History of Male Survivor Services (Continued from page 35)
community of Wendake (near Queacute-bec city) provide a clinical expertise in intervention within Native Ameri-can communities On the other side the Aboriginal Healing Foun-dation based in Ottawa is currently funding 16 recovery projects for the First Nations in Queacutebec ad-dressing sexual abuse addiction prevention of suicide boarding schools trauma etc until 2010
Last year the publication of the five-year funding plan on sexual abuse by the provincial govern-ment of Queacutebec has seen the recognition of male survivors as a population in great need of ser-vices It has also recognized the necessity of providing services to the First Nations communities
Things are changing in Queacutebec for male survivors Because CRIPHASE is the only organization providing support and counseling to men in Queacutebec who have been sexually abused in childhood there is great hope for an increase of funding this year The constant develop-ment of CRIPHASE and the increase in phone calls and numbers of guys within the services (in 2008-
2009 there will be seven groups of PHASE 1 in-stead of five the year before) also show that men in Queacutebec are get-ting the right information on sexual abuse and services and are being encouraged to look for help and engage in re-covery
If you are one of these men in Queacutebec we are waiting for your call Remember you are not alone
For the annual march event please visit wwwmarchevasca (Information for the May 2009 march will be on line from February 2009)
Quilt Square by a Native Child from Alberta From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 37
MaleSurvivor is men surviving sexual abuse in Canada we will start with Canadarsquos sad legacy of abuse of children by clergy
A Brief Incomplete Canadian History
In Canada our First Nations People have had to bear the legacy of abuse they endured in Canadarsquos notorious residential schools Cur-rent issues of addictions and family and mental health problems amongst our First Nations people can be traced back to the legacy of abuse experienced by Native chil-dren in residential schools
Around 1874 the federal government began working with the churches (Catholic Anglican United and Presbyte-rian) to set up the Residential School System as a means to suppress Native cul-ture and promote assimilation In gen-eral children between the ages of five and 16 were taken from their parents and sent to church-run residen-tial schools The extent of the abuse in these church-run schools has been referred to as the ldquoCanadian Holocaustrdquo Recently the Canadian Government formed the Truth and Reconciliation Commis-sion (TRC) as part of the court-approved Indian Residential Schools Settlement Agreement The
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious
Leader By Nancy N Mayer MSW RSW
Partner Crisci amp Mayer Consultation Counselling and
Training Toronto wwwckmconsultationcom
Introduction
L ikely all the readers of this newsletter have knowledge and expertise about men
being physically sexually and emotionally abused Research tells us that abusers can come from any
walk of life and most often are known to the child or adult In the last decade abuse by clergy has finally ldquocome out of the closetrdquo so to
speak thanks to those brave survi-vors who have made public their experiences of being abused by clergy More than ever survivor groups are encouraging victims to report these crimes to the police and to consider seeking civil re-dress for their injuries Many groups believe that change in churches will only come when they are held accountable for the abuse perpetrated by clergy
This article will attempt to address the distinctive issues that are com-mon to this population of survivors Because the focus of this issue of
purpose of the commission is not to determine guilt or innocence but to create an historical account of the residential schools help people to heal and encourage reconciliation between Aboriginal and non-aboriginal Canadians
The notorious Mount Cashel Or-phanage is another Canadian leg-acy of sexual abuse by clergy This facility was operated in Newfound-land by the Christian Brothers More than a dozen priests were convicted after decades of abusing young boys at the orphanage
Mount Cashel Or-phanage closed in 1989 just six months after allegations of sexual physical and emotional abuse were published by the media (For more in depth information see Harris Michael Unholy Orders Trag-edy at Mount Cashel Ontario Viking Press 1990)
Like the US there have been hundreds and perhaps thou-sands of cases of children and vulner-
able adults abused by clergy in every religious denomination Unlike the US our country is not bound as strictly by statutes of limitations so lawsuits can proceed more freely Our sentences for convicted clerical sex offenders are
(Continued on page 38)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Nancy N Mayer
ldquo[First Nations] children
between the ages of five
and 16 were taken from
their parents and sent to
church-run residential
schools The extent of
the abuse in these
church-run schools has
been referred to as the
lsquoCanadian Holocaustrsquoldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 38
nowhere near as severe as those of our American neighbours Most first offenders will not serve a day in jail The civil awards for personal inju-ries are also quite low Our court system promotes set-tling these cases out of court When a case fails to go to trial it is not part of the public re-cord The widespread use of confidentiality orders media fatigue and Canadian reserve means that it is impos-sible to obtain accurate statistics on how often men are abused by clergy or even the ex-tent of the problem in this country
The Authority of Rel igious Leaders Religious organizations have always played a central role in our so-cieties They provide moral ethical and spiritual guidance Reli-gious teachings have given us a context and meaning for our lives Most religious belief revolves around a divine power or God Religious leaders (ministers priests rabbis elders nuns) are thought to be Godrsquos earthly repre-sentatives and are treated with reverence and respect They have intimate involvement with families and children at such vulnerable times as an illness death or other family crises They may have access
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 37)
to confidential information by virtue of their roles of confessor or counsellor A child brought up by religious parents is taught to re-spect these men and women Oth-ers associated with churches mdash choir leaders teachers cantors youth group leaders mdash are also considered trustworthy by virtue of their close
association with their religious organizations Most parents en-courage their childrenrsquos participa-tion in church-based activities believing them to be safe and wholesome
These leaders are considered to be esteemed authorities and as repre-sentatives of God wield a great deal of power Depending on the faith group there may be teachings
that support an unquestioning adherence to their instructions and guidance This makes children and vulnerable adults particularly sus-ceptible to exploitation by this group because they have access opportunity and trust
Misuse of Power Perpetrators can utilize their positions of power and trust to gain access to their victims some-times for extended periods of uninterrupted time They may tell children that they are being asked to ldquoserve Godrdquo or that they or their families will be punished if they do not do as instructed Chil-dren may be threatened with eternal damnation or blamed for leading the religious leader into sin If the religion con-siders premarital sex or same sex contacts as sinful the guilt will be compounded
In most cases the victim will not disclose or may disclose but not be
believed A child will have a difficult time convincing adults that he or she has been victimized The vic-timrsquos family culture or communi-ties have been socialized to see their religious leaders as unques-tionably good and incapable of lies This can lead to others denying or minimizing the victimrsquos experience of abuse The victim is initially harmed by the abuser and then is revictimized by those who cannot
ldquoMay Hope be Passed through Every Handrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 39
institutionrsquos response and lack of compassion and pastoral care
The Impact on Spir ituality
The frequently used term ldquosoul murderrdquo aptly describes what hap-pens when the abuser is a religious leader When the response of the religious institu-tion to a disclosure of abuse is experienced as self-serving and uncaring the survivor will likely lose his faith in the religious community of which he has been a part To belong and to feel connected is a basic human need When abused by clergy the loss of connection and belonging to what may have been a spiritual anchor can be devastating
To compound the harm the abuse may have occurred in a religious building The abuser may have worn traditional cleri-cal attire or may have made religious or biblical refer-ences As a result being exposed to religious symbols music or any other reminder can trigger flashbacks and other uncomfortable physical symptoms
The cleric is often considered Godrsquos representative on earth This gives the cleric power that surpasses his position and status When abuse is at the hands of a minister nun
accept that their spiritual leaders are capable of abuse There are many stories of clergy abuse survi-vors being abandoned by their religious communities (who side with the cleric) and their families who cannot face leaving the church that has given their lives meaning and comfort The resultant feelings of betrayal and abandonment are profound
The Role of the Religious Inst itutions
When religious institutions hold themselves up as ethical compasses and arbitrators of right and wrong society has an expectation that church leaders will act in a fair and moral way Many US Commissions and Grand Juries and Canadian reports such as the Winter Com-mission Report (Archdiocese of St Johns Newfoundland Canada 1990) Child Abuse in Community Institutions and Organizations and Improving Public and Professional Understanding (prepared for the Law Commission of Canada) all record and explain the dynamics that have lead to the failure of religious institutions to protect our children
While it is well known that any institution mdash educational recrea-tional or spiritual mdash is not immune from having sex offenders in its midst the religious institutions have a particular legacy of protect-ing the institution through aggres-sive legal tactics versus truth telling and reconciliation Many victims state that they have been less wounded by the actual abuse and profoundly more damaged by the
priest rabbi minister or elder the recipient of the abuse may experi-ence profound guilt for ldquoparticipatingrdquo in ldquosinfulrdquo behaviour mdash a mistaken belief that he is respon-sible for the abuse or shame that
he has ldquosinnedrdquo He may believe he is deserving of rejection or eternal damnation If he confesses he risks exposing the cleric who has likely done what he could to trick the victim into believing that he must maintain silence and secrecy One survivor describes feeling that rdquoIt was like being abused by God him-self If even God couldnrsquot love me how could anyone else ever love merdquo
These factors alone can leave a man who has been abused by clergy unable to find comfort and solace in what used to be his spiritual beliefs and his church Without these familiar beliefs the survivor is aban-
doned and alone when he most needs support
The Role of Gender While woman are ordained in some denominations there is still an imbalance of power between men and women in many religious tradi-tions For boys and men abused by male clerics embarrassment and
(Continued on page 40)
ldquoThe frequently used
term lsquosoul murderrsquo aptly
describes what happens
when the abuser is a
religious leader When
the response of the
religious institution to a
disclosure of abuse is
experienced as self-
serving and uncaring
the survivor will likely
lose his faith in the
religious community of
which he has been
a partrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 40
concerns of how they will be per-ceived promote silence For the boy or man abused by a female cleric there may be worries that he will be labelled the seducer or pres-sured to consider this ldquorelationshiprdquo as non-abusive
The study conducted by the John Jay Col-lege of Criminal Jus-tice regarding The Nature and Scope of the Problem of Sexual Abuse of Minors by Priests and Deacons in the Catholic Church (Washington DC USCCB 2004) found some very disturbing information about the age and gender of victims The largest group of reported victims (509) was between the ages of 11 and 14 273 of victims were 15 to 17 16 were eight to 10 and nearly 6 were under age seven Overall 81 of vic-tims were male and 19 female Male victims tended to be older than female victims Over 40 of all victims were males between the ages of 11 and 14
The largest group of reported victims in this study consisted of boys who were entering puberty This is a tumultuous time in most
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 39)
young menrsquos lives To have this period of development disrupted can contribute to many mental health problems including lack of confidence disruption of emo-tional sexual and psycho-social development isolation sexual identity confusion depression anxiety and abuse of substances
In Summary The harm experienced by those
who are abused by clergy is profound and multifaceted Some therapists will not want to work with survivors of clergy abuse due to the complexity of their issues their limited knowledge of the subject area possible religious biases and potential for litigation Most (but certainly not all) survivors will have experienced revictimization by their churches or religious institutions This compounded by abuse by a religious leader in a position of power will under-standably lead to unique challenges Survivors will have
significant trust issues that can impede the forming of a trusting therapeutic relationship with a therapist who will also be in a position of power and may be an employee of an institution With transparency and skill on the part of the therapist and tenacity on the part of the survivor effective thera-
peutic partnership can be achieved While recovery is difficult it is possible
The irony is that many survivors of abuse by clergy have a strong sense of integrity morality and perseverance They learned the lessons that the ldquoreligiousrdquo offend-ers failed to learn At the core of their beings these clergy abuse survivors are the prophets who have come to speak the truth and reveal the abuse and the decep-tions It is this desire for social justice truth telling belonging and connection that will allow a healthy spiritual belief system to rise out of the ashes of what has happened It is this healthy spiritual belief that makes many clergy abuse survivors persistent and tenacious in seeking recovery and social justice They are making a difference and chang-ing the world as we know it
ldquoThe harm experienced
by those who are
abused by clergy is
profound and
multifaceted Some
therapists will not want
to work with survivors
of clergy abuse due to
the complexity of their
issues their limited
knowledge of the
subject area possible
religious biases and
potential for litigationldquo
February 2009
Page 41
tion of it earlier in the lsquo90s but 1997 is when there was a critical mass of mostly male survivors coming forward and taking action against Maple Leaf Gardens Your question specifically was ldquoDid it play a role in my choice of ca-reersrdquo
MS Yes
SJ Yes and no The Maple Leaf
Gardens cases were not my first sexual assault cases but my in-volvement in these cases solidified my interest and desire to help sur-vivors
MS Could you take a few minutes to explain to our readers just what the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal was and why it has played a central role in revealing the extent of sex-ual abuse at least in the Toronto area
of my clients will say something like ldquoYou know this is not about the money I donrsquot care how much I get this is about something elserdquo And whatever that person seeks mdash an apology or the empowerment of filing a lawsuit or a million other unique things mdash that is why I do this kind of work Itrsquos about helping people through whatever process they need in order to begin that healing process the moving forward process
MS And also to provide your clients with a sense of justice
SJ Absolutely Justice is really not about the money itrsquos about the knowledge that theyrsquove come forward theyrsquove done something and theyrsquove empowered themselves It takes a tre-mendous amount of courage to do that I am always in awe of my cli-ents for the amount of courage they have They are my inspiration
MS Many Americans are unaware of the so-called Maple Leaf Gar-dens sex scandal that began some-time in the 1960s but didnrsquot come to wide public attention until 1997 the year after you began practicing law Did this scandal have some affect on your choice of career
SJ Actually the scandal did come to prominence before 1997 There was scattered media atten-
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 1)
SJ Sure There was a series of men who were employed at Maple Leaf Gardens which was the home of the Toronto Maple Leafs mdash the hockey club mdash who over a period of a couple of decades sexually abused probably hundreds of chil-dren It started in the lsquo60s it went on we believe until the early lsquo80s There were two principal men in-volved but there were at least three
others who also were ac-cused In order to under-stand why the Maple Leaf Gardens sex scandals are as important as they are you have to understand that hockey in Toronto and hockey in Canada is almost a religion Hockey is to Canadians what the NFL or Major League Baseball is to Americans Every little boy dreams of about becoming the next Wayne Gretzky becoming the best hockey player he can be Maple Leaf Gar-dens was the home of one of the best loved and biggest hockey teams mdash the Toronto Maple Leafs The Gardens was the high
temple of hockey in Canada and still is In the lsquo60s lsquo70s and even the lsquo80s children mdash mostly boys mdash would go to Maple Leaf Gardens usually unaccompanied by their parents because back then nobody really thought that anything bad would happen to them at the Gar-dens The boys would go there ei-ther for practice games or to watch the Maple Leafs play or more likely they would go to watch To-
(Continued on page 42)
ldquoMaple Leaf Gardens in Memory of Martin Kruzerdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 42
ronto Marlies games The Marlies were the farm team for the Toronto Maple Leafs During these games and these practices the pedophiles who worked at the Gardenrsquos would often befriend these boys seeking out boys who were more vulner-able than others most likely and would sexually assault the boys sometimes off-property but most often within the Gardens itself They would use their position as employees of the Gardens to be able to say to the boys if you come with me Irsquoll get you a broken hockey stick or hockey puck or Irsquoll get you into better seats the next game or whatever other type of inducement would be necessary to get the boys to go with them into either a washroom or a training room or other private place where the boys would be sexually abused
In 1997 there were about 50 or 60 cases all joined to-gether and Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Entertainment Ltd wanted to settle all the cases prior to the Toronto Maple Leafs moving into a new hockey rink called the Air Canada Center so as to have a clean slate at the new rink By and large a lot of the litigation was fin-ished before the team moved into the Air Canada Center but not all of it In fact there are probably 17 or 19 cases going through the court
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 41)
system today more than 10 years after the original large group of plaintiffs went through the court and I believe that new people will continue to come forward when they are strong enough
MS I understand that one of the principal plaintiffs in the case Mar-tin Kruze had settled with the owners or the operators of the Ma-ple Leaf Gardens in 1995 and that he signed a confidentiality agree-ment not to reveal the settlement
or perhaps even the details of what had happened to him Do you think that the confidentiality agree-ment Mr Kruze agreed to slowed down or hindered the full exposure of this scandal
SJ I think that any confidentiality agreement blocks public access to knowledge and to understanding so I do suspect that Martinrsquos confi-dentiality agreement did have some impact on the scandal re-
maining hidden for as long as it did Absolutely yes I believe that confidentiality agreements are in-herently difficult for plaintiffs be-cause they create and continue a cycle of secrecy Sexual assault is a crime that is almost always carried out in secret and the guilt and shame it produces is key in helping pedophiles maintain their hold over their victims Putting a confidential-ity agreement on a settlement just perpetuates the guilt and the shame
MS Unfortunately Martin Kruzersquos principal perpetrator received a shockingly light sen-tence for all his actions and I understand that this led to Martin com-mitting suicide shortly afterwards
SJ I would think that the perpetratorrsquos sentence was a part of why Martin chose to end his life yes It hap-pened relatively shortly after the sentencing and I suspect that it weighed heavily on Martinrsquos decision
MS Do you think that the sen-tence that the perpetrator received was a reflection of the then current attitude towards pedophiles and sexual abuse
SJ The sentence that the perpe-trator received was a reflection on the way that the Canadian justice system deals with criminals regard-ing personal crimes absolutely It was a very low sentence in keep-
Imants Kruze visiting his sonrsquos memorial quilt square in the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 43
obtain here versus how much they can obtain in the United States In the United States there is no cap for pain and suffering awards whereas here in Canada there is a very small cap mdash about $325000 If a survivor of sexual assault goes through the court system and even if they have a very good day in court in terms of compensation yoursquore probably looking at an award for dam-ages somewhere be-tween $200000 and $500000 Sometimes itrsquos actually less than $200000 and very very rarely more than $500000 so in that sense we are defi-nitely behind But I donrsquot think itrsquos a question of waiting 10 years to see if we ldquocatch uprdquo I think itrsquos just a fundamental difference in how our court system works and whatrsquos available to survivors in terms of compensation
If you mean that Canada is 10 years behind in dealing with other aspects of sexual assault then you are probably correct in terms of media attention public awareness and outrage Sexual assault is still largely an unreported unprose-cuted crime But things are getting better every day and as more and more survivors come forward posi-tive changes will continue to hap-pen
MS As Irsquom sure you know therersquos periodic discussion about tort re-
ing with what was handed out at the time and to a large extent itrsquos still in keeping with what is handed out right now
MS Are you still representing or have you represented anyone who is a plaintiff in this scandal
SJ I was very much involved in the core group of Maple Leaf Gar-dens survivors that came forward in 1997 I was on what was called the plaintiffsrsquo committee back then which was a group of a few lawyers who brought the litigation forward I represented a number of plaintiffs in the original group that came forward I have also represented quite a few men throughout the last 10 years and currently repre-sent two men in the last group of plaintiffs to come forward I have also been approached by at least two other men who may decide to pursue litigation
MS Dale English mdash who has spo-ken to you at some length mdash has said to me that either you or he or both of you have felt that Canada is perhaps 10 or more years behind the US in dealing with the issues of sexual abuse and sexual assault Could you elaborate on that com-ment
SJ I think it depends on what you mean by dealing with the is-sues If you mean dealing with the issues in terms of bringing civil cases forward to a certain extent we are behind One of the funda-mental differences between the United States and Canada is the way that our tort systems operate and specifically the amount of compensation that tort victims can
form in the United States mainly aimed at capping punitive dam-ages Irsquom wondering whether there is the mirror of that in Canada mdash whether therersquos any movement to-wards tort reform that would allow greater awards to victims
SJ Well there is and there isnrsquot In Canada itrsquos very difficult if not
impossible to get pu-nitive damages espe-cially if therersquos a criminal conviction The punitive damages that are available in Canada are very low A typical punitive damage award would be $20000 or $25000 - usually not much more than that So damages are quite restricted here in any event In terms of tort reform I think there is a global push by in-surance companies to
try to limit compensation whether in the States or here The things that the American Association of Justice are fighting for down in the States are the same things that the Ontario Trial Lawyers Association are fighting for here mdash the continued ability to sue for compensation un-hampered by legislative roadblocks benefitting powerful institutional defendants to the detriment of those who have suffered Ours is a much smaller playing field and therefore less money is at stake In terms of plaintiffsrsquo lawyers wersquore trying to maximize the compensa-tion that we can get for our client Every time we go to court we try
(Continued on page 44)
ldquoIf you mean that
Canada is 10 years
behind in dealing with
other aspects of sexual
assault then you are
probably correct in
terms of media
attention public
awareness and outrageldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 44
to get a higher damage award so that that case will be a building block for future cases There are always attempts to try to circum-vent the cap on pain and suffering damages that we have Itrsquos not an easy thing to do the cap has been in place in Canada for 32 years now It was put in place in 1977 by the Supreme Court of Canada and itrsquos unlikely to be overturned any-time soon Even though from a purely theoretical legal analysis that cap does not apply to pain and suffering damages for victims of sexual assault and sexual abuse the reality is that judges still use that cap as a high water mark even though it doesnrsquot formally apply mdash it is still a de facto cap and to be honest with you it is almost impos-sible to get anywhere near that cap for compensation for pain and suf-fering A typical pain and suffering award in Canada for childhood sex-ual abuse is somewhere between $100000 and $200000 Anything on top of that would be associated economic loss or care costs
MS Itrsquos quite unfortunate that even though therersquos no real cap the law behaves as if there were one
SJ Yep I couldnrsquot agree with you more Itrsquos very unfortunate
MS I understand that in 2005 the government of Ontario convened whatrsquos known as the Cornwall Pub-lic Inquiry Was the Inquiry con-vened to address the issues of sex-ual abuse and sexual assault and
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 43)
the way the justice system is han-dling it
SJ Thatrsquos probably one of the reasons the Inquiry was convened Thatrsquos one of the hopes The In-quiry was convened because of what was going on in a little city east of Toronto mdash a series of allega-tions against very prominent mem-bers of that community involving the sexual abuse of children over a period of many many years The idea behind the Inquiry is to try to figure out what happened and to put in place some recommenda-tions that will not only stop some-thing like the abuse in Cornwall from happening again but will also try to help those who were affected by the events in the first place And to some extent I think some good will come of the Inquiry Hopefully the recommendations will be good for survivors of childhood sexual abuse or any kind of sexual assault The Submission phase of the In-quiry officially ended late February 2009
MS Did you have the opportunity to testify before the Inquiry
SJ I did not personally testify before the Inquiry Testimony was generally limited to the people ac-tually involved mdash police officers vic-tims what not I was involved in the Inquiry with regards to a panel discussionroundtable that they had regarding the use of confiden-tiality agreements
MS As you probably know Male-Survivor was first founded in the early 1980s by a group of thera-pists who were concerned about support for victims of childhood
sexual abuse and although Male-Survivor is still not a very large or-ganization it has increased its in-fluence significantly over the years and Irsquom wondering whether there is a similar non-profit or other group in Canada that also is dedi-cated to helping victims of child-hood sexual abuse
SJ There are some grass roots organizations that deal with victims of childhood sexual abuse or adult sexual assault I donrsquot believe there is as cohesive a unit as MaleSurvi-vor I may be wrong on that but there are smaller more community based organizations that assist sur-vivors That being said resources available to survivors are unfortu-nately pretty limited
MS Is that because there are too few therapists in that form of prac-tice
SJ I think itrsquos a mixture of many different things First of all Canada has a much smaller population base mdash 30 million people as com-pared to 300 million in the United States mdash so you have significantly fewer people affected and there-fore you have significantly fewer resources available to those people The services that we do have will often have very long waiting lists before people can access them There are some very very good counselors in Canada assisting sur-vivors but unfortunately the waiting lists are sometimes long and the availability for public funding to provide services free of charge is somewhat limited
MS Is there anything in your opinion about the Canadian health
February 2009
Page 45
system that contributes to the scar-city of services
SJ I donrsquot know if itrsquos the Cana-dian health system I think that in Canada we have a pretty good public health system in the sense that anybody who needs medical services can access those services free of charge The problem is that a lot of these services are not covered under our health system per se Many are covered under either private plans or pay as you go type services and itrsquos just a question of finding the people who can provide these services and being lucky enough to get them when they either donrsquot have a waiting list or other-wise having to wait until your name comes up on that waiting list
MS And that could takes years in some cases it seems
SJ My understanding is that those waiting lists can be quite long but there are very good peo-ple out there Itrsquos just a question of finding them and being able to afford them
MS Can you elaborate on other differences between the US and Canada that affect the way survi-vors and perpetrators are treated by the legal system and the media
SJ The differences between Can-ada and the US are really huge On the surface Americans and Canadi-ans look pretty much the same dress the same talk the same eat the same foods and by and large watch the same TV but culturally there is a huge difference in the way we look at the world in the
way our legal system works and the way that people interact with one another
Americans are much more litigious by na-ture I think this is due to the fact that in the United States mdash at least as seen from the outside mdash the rights of the individual are paramount In Can-ada less so Canada is much more commu-nity-oriented We of-tentimes think about how something is going to affect others instead of looking at what an individual might be entitled to I think that the high
damage awards available through the American legal system are beneficial in sexual abuse cases as is the lack of a cap on awards which we have
In some ways though our legal system is much better for my cli-ents than the US system would be because of the way that our actual process works One of the things that I know is very damaging to a lot of plaintiffs in the United States is the whole discovery process tak-
ing depositions Depositions can go on for a huge number of days and pretty much everybody in the per-sonrsquos life can be called to give a deposition That is very troubling and painful for people who donrsquot necessarily want others to know about their abuse or donrsquot want to involve their family Here in Canada depositions mdash or what we call the examination for discovery mdash are lim-ited to the actual named parties in the lawsuit The defendant and the plaintiff are examined for discovery or deposed if you will Anyone who is not an actual party to the litiga-tion can only be discovered under court orders and itrsquos very difficult to get those court orders so in that sense itrsquos a much quicker cleaner process and less intrusive on some-onersquos life So that is probably a good thing
The other really huge difference between the two systems which I think does in fact impact on why a lot of these cases settle as opposed to going to court and oftentimes settle for very different amounts of money than they would if they went to court is that in Canada we have a ldquoloser paysrdquo system If you go to court and you lose you have to pay at least a portion of the fees incurred by the other side Letrsquos say the defendantrsquos settlement offer is $100000 If the plaintiff does not accept that $100000 and at trial the plaintiff gets $99000 then the plaintiff has to pay the lawyerrsquos fees of the defendant because the award is less than the settlement offer That is very difficult That means that a lot of cases are set-tled for probably less money than
(Continued on page 46)
ldquoOn the surface
Americans and
Canadians look pretty
much the same hellip but
culturally there is a
huge difference in the
way we look at the
world in the way our
legal system works and
the way that people
interact with one
anotherldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 46
MS I join you in that hope Any-thing that can advance the cause of not only helping people but also helping prevent further abuses is always going to be welcome If you could set forth a vision of how you would like to see the law and the therapeutic community in Canada evolve to handle matters of child-
hood sexual abuse and sexual assault mdash if you could influence the reform of institu-tions what would your vision be
SJ Oh Richard Wow Well first and foremost I would love to raise public aware-ness of this issue for various reasons I think that increased public awareness will not necessarily reduce the instances of abuse but will help improve how abuse is dealt with when itrsquos ongoing and after-wards Itrsquos very im-portant that when a child is hurt that
child knows that he can go to peo-ple for help and support All too often if kids get up enough cour-age to tell someone the reaction they get is not very positive I think that with increased public aware-ness hopefully people will under-stand that there are ways to deal with this that will decrease the amount of harm so public aware-ness is paramount
I would like the legal system to raise compensation awards for sur-
turning point in bringing to the publicrsquos attention that the sexual assault of children can happen does happen and itrsquos a very diffi-cult thing for anyone to go through whether theyrsquore little boys or grown men that were abused as children It brought childhood sex-ual abuse out of the shadows to a certain extent The scandal still garners media attention as new survivors come forward but not the same as it did 10 years ago
MS Would you say that the lack of inves-tigative reporting is a cultural phenomenon or is it that the news-papers donrsquot feel they have that role
SJ Oh no Canadian newspapers do feel that they have a role in investigating things but for whatever rea-son sexual abuse of children has not been a priority The Cana-dian media really has not been at the forefront of this issue the way the media in the United States has been and I think that is tremen-dously disappointing The lack of media attention means that we arenrsquot fostering the awareness within the public that we need in order to provide real help and ser-vices for survivors We need the mediarsquos help to bring this horrific crime to light and to help stop it from happening
they would get if they went to court because that risk of going to court and not getting at least the amount of the original offer weighs heavily on everyone Our system is designed and geared toward avoid-ing trials which can be good be-cause nobody really wants to go through a trial but can be bad be-cause people become very intimi-dated by the prospect of losing or not getting as much as the settle-ment offer and being indebted to the defendant for a lot of money Thatrsquos a scary scary thing to go through
With regards to the media the US has a media that by and large has helped out a lot with sexual abuse cases The whole issue of clergy abuse really started with investiga-tive reporting by the Boston Globe right
MS Right
SJ They really took that issue and just ran with it Here in Canada we really havenrsquot had the same kind of investigative media cover-age as yoursquove had which is why events like the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal are not as huge as they are down in the States
Before Martin Kruze committed sui-cide the media was only somewhat interested in the Maple Leaf Gar-dens scandal Martin Kruze was a figure because he had sued the Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Com-plex But after he committed sui-cide the media was really galva-nized and that was probably a
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 45)
ldquoThe lack of media
attention means that we
arenrsquot fostering the
awareness within the
public that we need in
order to provide real
help and services for
survivors We need the
mediarsquos help to bring
this horrific crime to
light and to help stop it
from happeningrdquo
February 2009
Page 47
ments but it canrsquot at this stage really happen through the courts
I would want there to be an ability for institutions or perpetrators mdash de-fendants mdash to look beyond mere dollars and cents and look toward healing the person that they have hurt either directly or indirectly All too often in these cases we really become tied up in the legal minu-tiae of things as opposed to defen-dants saying ldquoOK letrsquos step back here and letrsquos try to helprdquo
I wish that there were a real under-standing that these cases are not car accident cases and they should
not be treated as car accident cases My clients are not people whorsquove broken a leg and therefore need X amount of dollars in order to pay for medical services or whatnot And unfortu-nately that doesnrsquot necessarily happen
In terms of the thera-peutic community I would love to see counseling and therapy ses-sions be paid for through the pub-lic purse so that people who re-quire the services of highly-skilled counselors and therapists and psy-chologists can access those services without having to pay for them A lot of clients just donrsquot have the economic means to pay for such services until after they get a set-tlement and that could take years It would be wonderful to see those kinds of services funded the same way as a trip to the emergency room or a trip to your family doc-tor for a cold is funded Irsquod love to
vivors The amount of damage that can be done as a result of child-hood abuse or in fact any kind of sexual assault is tremendous It affects almost every aspect of someonersquos life It becomes inter-generational because it affects the people around the survivor and compensation awards are still very much a pale reflection of what is needed in order to help these peo-ple I hope that at some point our judges and our legislature under-stand that need and can corre-spondingly give appropriate and reasonable damage awards so that people can start to rebuild their lives in a meaningful way
I would love there to be an opportunity within our civil system for more than just compensation At this stage the only thing that a civil judge can do is award monetary compensation There are a lot of creative things that you can do within a settlement that are not purely fi-nancial that can give a lot of sol-ace to someone who has been abused whether that be in the form of some non-financial healing whether it be in the form of a situation where somebody can con-front their abuser if thatrsquos what they wish to do in a safe setting or whether itrsquos the ability for that sur-vivor to do something outside of pure simple dollars and put for-ward some sort of healing plan that is as individual as they are That can happen through settle-
be able to see that I think that that would go a long way to helping people earlier rather than later
Ultimately I wish that this situation didnrsquot exist anymore and I would be put out of business frankly
MS Well I can certainly sympa-thize with the way you feel but it would seem that you have a career ahead of you dealing with this problem
SJ Unfortunately I think you are right I think that instances of child-hood sexual abuse are not neces-sarily going down I think that insti-tutions are getting a little bit better at putting in place policies and sometimes even following their own policies to stop pedophiles from entering those institutions and preying on people that those insti-tutions are theoretically set up to serve but I think that as long as the problem of childhood sexual abuse is with us I will be out there trying to help anybody that I can
MS Is there anything else yoursquod like to say to our readers
SJ I think that organizations such as MaleSurvivor are imperative in helping people understand that they are not alone that itrsquos not their fault and there are ways to get help So hats off to an organi-zation such as yours The clients I have who are involved in your or-ganization are very very well served so I have to thank you for being a resource
MS Thank you very much for your kind comments and for your time Simona
ldquoUltimately I wish that
this situation didnrsquot exist
anymore and I would be
put out of business
franklyrdquo
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-
Vol 2 No 2
Page 24
nor injury well that was his cue He took me into a medical room and closed the door He examined my knee and soon the subject changed That was the first time that I was sexually assaulted
Over the years this repulsive man be-came my coach in both hockey and baseball He was a central figure at the arena and the base-ball diamond He was the one involved in all the fundraisers and came to be known as ldquothe guy who would do any-thing for the kidsrdquo Most of the parents loved him mdash but not mine He drank with parents partied with them all while he ldquotook carerdquo of us kids
The first time I was abused at the arena I told someone older than I I did so again when I was 15 What was I to do Neither time did the adults take appropriate action and you guessed it everything was swept under the carpet So I did the only thing I knew how to do mdash I stuffed it
Growing up was a difficult time for me because of the abuse and the fact that I suffered with ADHD and anxiety (undiagnosed at the time) My sisters did well in school how-ever I didnrsquot I would work my tail off get a ldquoCrdquo and then would be told to work harder or asked if I
A Victim No More
by Glenn Allan
M y name is Glenn Allan and I grew up in Stoney Creek Ontario Canada
By all rights I should have been dead years ago I am a recovering alcoholic and cocaine addict and I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse I donrsquot want my story to become an ldquoabuse or addiction-aloguerdquo so I wonrsquot get into graphic details or talk about every abusive situation
Please keep an open mind as this is my story
I was wel-comed into a loving yet dysfunctional family in February of 1964 I have four sisters
nine nieces and nephews two great-nieces and one great-nephew My story begins around the age of seven I loved skating and playing hockey I was always told ldquoYoursquove gotta practice to get betterrdquo and so I did I would play as much ice and road hockey as I could and my sis-ters would take me public skating It was at public skating that my abuser first spotted me and as-saulted me I fell during one of those skating sessions and hurt my knee My abuser was a skating monitor that day and when I needed medical attention for a mi-
were dumb My frustrations grew mdash if only they knew that there was a hurting little boy inside But I was a boy who was too afraid to say that he hurt or to cry mdash because ldquobig boys donrsquot cryrdquo I would get teased at home about being stupid or
asked ldquoWhy donrsquot you try harderrdquo
I couldnrsquot defend my-self verbally with my parents because that would have been ldquotalking backrdquo There were times when I would be so angry at them for picking on me for little things and I would think to myself ldquoYou are yell-ing at me for this while he (the abuser) is doing that to merdquo
Talk about frustration and built up rage I was a walking volcano I would fight all the time whether it was at school playing hockey or baseball it really didnrsquot matter why mdash all I knew was I was MAD
Over the years I slowly lost my self-esteem and self-worth I wanted to be anybody but me I idolized ath-letes like Bobby Orr Bobby Clarke and Pete Rose because of their dedication and work ethic Being a class clown I loved comedians (Steve Martin Richard Pryor Robin Williams Johnny Carson) and the entertainer in me loved singers (Elvis) and wanted so badly to be them Then maybe people would like me because there was abso-lutely no way anyone could really
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Glenn Allan
ldquoMy frustrations grewmdash
if only they knew that
there was a hurting little
boy inside But I was a
boy who was too afraid
to say that he hurt or to
crymdashbecause lsquobig boys
donrsquot cryrsquordquo
February 2009
Page 25
like or love me with the things my abuser had made me do
Because of the trauma of being abused I wet the bed until I was about 12 years of age which drained any remaining self-worth or self-esteem that I had left I was so embarrassed And then I had to tolerate ridiculous comments from people saying things like ldquoYou know that you are going to have to stop thisrdquo and ldquoYou are getting too old for thisrdquo No kidding really Did they think that I liked waking up in my own urine Did they not think that I wanted to stop Did they have any idea how their words hurt me Man oh man it was like that all the time They just didnrsquot think before they spoke
Frustrated and over-whelmed in my teens I finally found the ldquofriendrdquo that I had been looking for mdash first name ldquoALrdquo last name ldquoCOHOLrdquo I would be-come a whole new person when I drank booze and how I drank I found a brand new confidence I was somewhat funny when I drank dur-ing the early years of drinking however over time I became de-pressed and extremely angry I would fight in bars on a regular basis Then in December of 1987 I was stabbed outside a bar and nearly died Now you would think that being stabbed and nearly dy-ing would prompt a lifestyle
change or at the very least cause me to take a personal inventory of my situation and myself But not me I wore it as a badge of honour allowing the insanity to continue
It is said that if the drugs and alco-hol donrsquot kill you the lifestyle will During this time and over the years I was introduced to many criminals Their crimes ranged from murder assaults extortion and drug dealing to running massage parlours and prostitution mdash to just name a few One of my acquaint-ances was even a hired killer He
actually assassinated two reputed crime bosses in Ontario and is now serving a lengthy sentence for those and other killings
But I was drawn to their so-called power and complete disregard for the law Looking back on it I guess I was looking to reclaim the power
that was stolen from me by my abuser
In my early twenties I got a job working with Young Offenders as a Correctional Officer With the money I was making I bought a very nice sports car dated pretty women was extremely materialistic and yet I was never satisfied I worked in corrections for about four years During that time I also began my career in the world of entertainment as a voice impres-sionist and stand-up comedian as well as a co-host of a comedy tele-
vision show I had a tremendous ego and unknowingly had be-come rdquoThe Great I Amrdquo
After a couple of years I moved from comedy to producing and host-ing my own sports television program which aired for ten years I had so much fun and I was able to meet and interview some of sportsrsquo big-gest names
In my mid-20s when the alcohol wasnrsquot medicating my pain any longer I turned to
something stronger mdash COCAINE During a span of approximately ten years the combination of alcohol cocaine and all my poor choices cost me most of my jobs many of my relationships and all my money It drove me to criminal activity po-lice charges a conviction and a criminal record But most of all I
(Continued on page 26)
Alone Uncredited Photo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 26
was lost Glenn was slowly dying inside me I became depressed and despondent and I hated so many people But most of all I hated my-self
I had attempted suicide on a few occasions and I really and truly had a death wish I hated myself so much that on Friday January 16 1998 loaded with a supply of co-caine and booze I booked myself into a hotel room with no intention of coming out alive Friday night and Saturday passed with me drinking and getting high on co-caine After having more cocaine delivered to me on Sunday after-noon there was no turning back mdash or so I thought Approximately at midnight on Sunday I made my final decision mdash it was time for me to leave this stinking world I ingested enough cocaine to kill me and then I barricaded my hotel door and ripped the phone out of the wall I lay down on the bed defeated broken sad guilt-ridden ashamed depressed and scared yet so ready to die
Only Divine Intervention mdash some sort of miracle mdash can explain what hap-pened next The police came into my hotel room at just the right time on Sunday night and took me to the hospital Who called them how did they know to come to my room I donrsquot know Well thatrsquos not completely true Today I am a man of faith and as a Christian I know exactly who orchestrated my rescue
A Victim No More (Continued from page 25)
After a brief stay in the hospital I chose to enter the Hamilton Menrsquos Withdrawal Management Centre where I spent eleven days From there I entered an intensive addic-tion treatment centre for a six-week stay followed by a five and one half month stay at a recovery house
I have been clean and sober since Janu-ary 19 1998
I work the program of recovery intensely I was blessed with some incredible therapists who were able to break through my trust issues my rough exterior and my wall of comedy to allow me to heal I also became involved in the 12-Steps and other support groups through which I have found tremendous friendships and men-toring
Recovery is about making changes Al-though my abuser assaulted me until I was 15 years old I blamed him for all of my problems until I was 33 years old I had to change from being a pro-fessional blamer and liar to a man of responsibility character and in-tegrity It wasnrsquot easy however after many tears and lots of hard work life has gotten much better
Over time and through applying these principles I found peace se-renity and forgiveness and I also
learned how to love myself again Everything that was set in motion to harm me as a young man is now what drives me With Godrsquos help today I am able to live humbly honestly open-minded and willing to do whatever it takes to stay clean and sober while doing what I can to help others who face similar
struggles
Today I serve the Ca-nadian Centre for Abuse Awareness as the Director of the Southwestern Ontario office My mission at hand is to create a task force that will be responsible for build-ing a residential pro-gram for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
I am also the Execu-tive Producer and Host of three popular television programs Good News Sports The Edge and Living Clean Living Clean is the only live weekly interactive television program in Canada
that is designed to assist individu-als who suffer with addiction abuse andor mental illnesses
I also host The Glenn Allan Show on a local radio station in Hamil-ton ON Canada
As a motivational speaker my pres-entation entitled Youth Yak Live has enabled me to speak to thou-sands of youth nationwide since 2000 Through Youth Yak Live I
ldquoRecovery is about
making changes
Although my abuser
assaulted me until I was
15 years old I blamed
him for all of my
problems until I was 33
years old I had to
change from being a
professional blamer and
liar to a man of
responsibility character
and integrity
February 2009
Page 27
Male Survivor Groups (MSG)
By Robert Beacuterubeacute Co-founder MSG
M ale Survivor Groups (MSG) was created by a group of male survivors
of childhood sexual abuse follow-ing the death of a fellow survi-vor in Lon-don Ontario Canada The initial objec-tives were to foster cama-raderie and support for one another and also to obtain proper help
for survivors in the London area
Presently our aim is to help all male survivors and also to make our cause known It is open to all male survivors of childhood ado-lescent and adult abuse We have expanded and have supported the creation of groups across Canada and we are prepared to support the creation of groups throughout the World
Groups have been established in London Vancouver Sudbury and North Bay in Canada
Our beliefs
1 Our groups are for male survi-vors of abuse What is said in the group remains there What is stated must remain confiden-
have developed tremendous work-ing relationships with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police Ontario Provincial Police Crime Stoppers local police agencies young of-fender facilities churches self-help groups and alcohol and drug treatment centres
I also facilitate a weekly peer sup-port group for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
There was a time when I thought I would never get married and that no one could love me for who I am Colleen and I met in 1999 We both have similar pasts We both have worked through our abuse issues and are both clean and so-ber In 2001 my best friend and I married and we now have three beautiful children Ashley Brandon and Christopher Spending the rest of my life with Colleen and our family is a dream come true
The opportunity of sharing Godrsquos gifts and blessings with others is truly an honour and a privilege It is imperative that I never take these things for granted
If I can assist you or someone dear to you please donrsquot hesitate to contact me at the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness Ph 905-594-1581 or email glennccfaacom or visit these websites
wwwabusehurtscom wwwlivingcleanca wwwglennallanca
or write to me co CCAA 38 King St East PO Box 66614 Stoney Creek ON L8G 5E5
(Continued from page 26)
tial Anonymity is of the utmost importance unless the survivor has gone public But intimate details of the public person must also remain confidential Confidentiality must be assured
2 We are in the group to heal and to support each other
3 We are male survivors who want to heal and help others in the process We can be as young as 16 or as old as old can be
4 Our primary purpose is our own safe being Secondary purposes are the betterment of services for male survivors and the advancement of our cause
5 We fight on so that we may grow in solidarity
6 We are not a religious group We do use different models of functioning in our different sub-groups Ours is a healing group for more than one prob-lematic issue
7 We encourage partnerships with organisations businesses and agencies that foster the creation of services for male survivors of abuse
We have created a Facebook Group which is also open to FRIENDS who support our cause Our group is establishing partnerships with other male survivor groups in Canada and worldwide You can contact us through the Facebook page or by emailing me at berube55yahooca
Support Groups
Robert Beacuterubeacute
Vol 2 No 2
Page 28
The CCAA By Ellen Campbell [ellenccfaacom]
Founder and Executive Director Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness
A s some of you know the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness (CCAA) is a
national non-government charitable organization dedicated to eliminat-ing child abuse through advocacy education public awareness and prevention programs With help from community and corporate partners the CCAA provides accessible support healing and indi-vidual empowerment for adult survivors their fami-lies and caregivers through over 20 programs Those that listen to classic rock station Q107 in the To-ronto region will recognize us as their charity of choice through Derringerrsquos Thir-teen Days of Christmas campaign
Based in Newmarket On-tario the CCAA is an active and vibrant organization that in addition to its variety of program offer-ings is also involved in public safety advocacy That advo-cacy started with the early release from prison of one of the perpetra-tors in the Maple Leaf Gardensrsquo child sex abuse scandal Many surviving victims were traumatized again this time by the system The
CCAA went public with its concerns that day and the public safety advocacy program was born
Later the CCAA wrote a sweeping report titled Martinrsquos Hope named in memory of Martin Kruze (the first victim to courageously go public with the story of his abuse at the Gardens and who later tragi-cally took his own life) that made 60 recommendations for legislative and policy change to the criminal justice system These recommenda-tions were gleaned from round-
table discussions with over 150 front-line criminal justice system professionals crime victims and survivors To this day members of the Kruze family sit on the CCAA Board of Directors
After the initial public release of the Martinrsquos Hope report in the fall of 2003 I knew that if repairs were to be made to the criminal justice system advocacy would have to be accelerated That advocacy began in earnest in early 2006 with the hiring of John Muise a volunteer with the CCAA and previously a Toronto police officer with signifi-cant experience in legislative and policy advocacy The hire coincided with new political winds blowing in Ottawa The CCAArsquos full-time public
safety program was born
Relationships already in existence were strength-ened new ones were made and the CCAA intensified its advocacy with politi-cians stakeholders and other decision makers In addition the CCAA courted media attention recogniz-ing the opportunity to get our message out
That advocacy included the preparation of written briefs in support of testi-mony before a number of decision making bodies including several appear-ances before the House of Commons Justice Commit-tee
ADVOCACY REWARDED The last three years have brought success on a number of fronts Progress on the criminal justice reform front is rarely if ever the result of one person or just one organization advocating for
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoMartinrsquos Hoperdquo in Memory of Martin Arnold Kruze From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 29
government Although there are specific circumstances under which the age of consent is 16 (or 18) the general age of consent remained at 14 For many in the child protection
world this has been a shame of what is otherwise a devel-oped and civilized land The fight is finally over with the passage and Royal Assent of this legisla-tion in July of 2008 This is a victory for the many people that fought the good fight and most importantly this law allows prose-cution of those adult predators who choose to sexually exploit 14
and 15 year old children
Review of federal corrections policy
In 2007 the federal government ordered an independent review of the federal corrections and parole system The CCAA attended the announcement of that review and subsequently appeared before the review team and provided detailed written recommendations for change The final report included a number of recommendations that the CCAA provided including those contained in Martinrsquos Hope A rollout of some report recommen-dations has already started includ-ing a pilot project for the use of electronic monitoring on serious and violent offenders who are on parole in communities
(Continued on page 30)
Dangerous offenders Having someone declared a dan-gerous offender is very difficult to do In fact there are fewer then 400 declared dangerous offenders in the country This amendment makes it easier to bring a dangerous offender application for a serious repeat con-victed offender before the court The end result should be we hope the detection and declaration of more dangerous offenders Dangerous offender designation is for life and results in indefinite lock-up of the offender with periodic judicial reviews
Community protection orders
Also known as ldquoSection 810rdquo orders they allow the state to monitor the activities of certain subjects mdash no longer under some form of sen-tence or other judicial release but still considered a danger mdash to be placed on a judicial order similar to a bail with control and monitoring conditions The legislation explicitly expands the controls that can be usedmdashfor example electronic moni-toringmdashand extends the length of the order from one year to two
Age of protection For longer than people care to remember advocates have fought to raise the general age of consent from 14 to 16 years of age Until recently those voices have been largely ignored by the federal
change but no one can deny the important roll played by the CCAA in advancing these reforms These are all original recommendations contained in the Martinrsquos Hope report The results as they say speak for themselves and include but are not limited to the follow-ing
Mandatory minimum sentences for Internet chi ld abuse offences
Over time courts have increasingly relied on so called ldquohouse arrestrdquo provisions (see section immediately below) when sentencing offenders found guilty of Internet child abuse and similar kinds of serious child exploitation offences The sen-tences were often way out of pro-portion to the gravity of the crimes Minimum sentences were legislated for a variety of crimes with the net effect of eliminating the ability of the court to impose ldquohouse arrestrdquo
Conditional sentences of imprisonment
Better known as ldquohouse arrestrdquo this measure brought in over a decade ago was being imposed by the courts for ever more serious of-fenders and offences Many violent and dangerous offenders were allowed to serve their term of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo at home Justice and public safety were compro-mised by this provision Although the Bill that finally passed was watered down significantly by opposition party demands the end result was a tightening of the cir-cumstances under which a sen-tence of this kind could be given
ldquoAfter the initial public
release of the Martinrsquos
Hope report in the fall
of 2003 I knew that if
repairs were to be made
to the criminal justice
system advocacy would
have to be acceleratedrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 30
munity committees and inquiries including the Federal Inquiry pre-sided over by Justice Major into the Air India bombing
Moving forward We are delighted to report that John Muise our Director of Public Safety has recently received a Governor-in-council appointment as a full-time member of the Na-tional Parole Board effective in May of 2009 Although this is a big loss
for the CCAA we are thrilled for John and we know that he will bring the same com-mitment to public safety in that position as he did with the CCAA We wish him the very best in this new and challenging role
Much progress has been made in the past three years with
more anticipated The federal gov-ernment has signaled its intention to finish the work it started and attempt a further repeal of condi-tional sentences of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo They have also said that they in-tend on amending certain aspects of parole legislation and moving on tightening up security (including drug interdiction) in federal prisons
As we kick off 2009 the CCAA has the following priorities
Enhanced training for law enforcement off icers involved in chi ld abuse
investigations The introduction of provincial ldquosafe havenrdquo legislation that would pro-
vide a distressed mother who has given birth (within 72 hours) to take her baby to a place of safety (for example fire station police station hospital emergency) no questions asked and drop the baby off The purpose is to avoid the unthinkable mdash dumpster aban-donment murder at birth This legislation exists in all 50 of the United States but has yet to to be introduced in this country
Parole reform In addition the CCAA will work with partners on two parole and corrections recommendations They include legislating breach of parole as an offence for which a police officer has a power of arrest Com-plimentary to this the replacement of statutory release (automatic release after serving two thirds of a sentence) with regular earned parole Both recommendations were included in the final report of the Corrections Review Team and had been provided with others by the CCAA
We at the CCAA believe that much has been done on the criminal justice reform and public awareness front We are grateful for the pro-gress thus far and proud of the part we have played in moving the public safety agenda along
There is still much work to be done and the CCAA will step up to carry on this most important work
Selection of judges In recognition of the importance of the justice selection process the federal government has recently expanded the scope of people selected to sit on the regional Judicial Advisory Committees tasked with vetting potential ap-pointments and providing recom-mendations to the federal Attorney General and Minister of Justice for final selection Although still dominated by judges and lawyers a wider variety of voices and minds is now part of the selection proc-ess This is welcome news I am one of those voices I sit on one of the regional committees itrsquos an appointment we can all be proud of
Gun crime and other victim focused matters
Although outside the specific man-date of the CCAA (and not included in the Martinrsquos Hope report) in recognition of the impact on com-munities and particularly at risk children and youth the CCAA also appeared before the House of Commons Committee in support of mandatory minimum sentences for serious gun crimes and for amend-ments that tighten up the bail system for those charged with serious gun-related offences
In addition several crime victim supportive briefs were prepared for a number of safe school and com-
The CCAA (Continued from page 29)
ldquoWe at the CCAA hellip are
grateful for the progress
thus far and proud of
the part we have played
in moving the public
safety agenda alongrdquo
February 2009
Page 31
higher than its current statistical significance would suggest I would suggest itrsquos about one in four of the men I deal with 25 compared to the 16 suggested in the cur-rent literature If you allow for the fact that many of the men I work with have come from dysfunctional families that have been dysfunc-tional for generations the higher rate of incidence will hardly be surprising
I really had no idea when I started this job that I would have a head-
on collision with CSA No idea at all I was in my pre-survivor life My own past experi-ences were like a dormant volcano Sure some smoke would puff out every now and then for no readily apparent rea-son but no major eruption But as I heard more and more stories told by men in their own abyss of despair and self loath-ing things started to bubble within me
I remember the first man who disclosed to me He did not really intend to He started to tell part of a story and I just knew I just knew What he did say was part of an institutional abuse situa-tion that gained public awareness in the media After that story broke many men came forward as well to tell their story of how they too were abused as boys in a school
Inside
By Geeders (Jim)
W hen I was first asked to write about my experi-ences working in a jail I
wasnrsquot really sure what I could say about it Can I say this or should I say that Was it going to be really negative or show promise of better days ahead And what about me mdashthe new me mdash dealing with issues of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) at the same time as the men I see and work with How the hell was (or is) that going to work Well it is a work in progress after all and one that seems to evolve as I change and as I become more comfortable with my own sense of a new self
Let me begin by saying that there is nothing in this article that would meet the rigours of clinical dissection Equally important I do not work with sexual offenders What I am going to say is purely my experience based on personal observation No scientific analysis can be attributed to it apart from what we already know or suspect One in six men will have been sexually assaulted or abused by the time they are 18 It has long been opined that the number of abused men is actually
setting that was really a cover for juveniles in trouble with the law
The inmate I was working with did not come forward at that time He couldnrsquot His disclosure to me was the first time he had ever said anything about his abuse No one else knew mdash no one He was alone His pain was palpable and obvious His shame and guilt were profound Never had he admitted to himself what had happened in that school let alone admitted to a total stranger until that very moment I listened to his pain tried to console him just let him cry Eventually over the course of a couple of interviews it became obvious to me why he was in jail Any self-esteem that he had as a boy or young man was destroyed by his abuse His very essence was rewritten by the men who had abused him Teens get into trouble but they can also learn to later stay out of it by fol-lowing the teachings of those they trust But for this young man his ability to trust was destroyed by the very people who were sup-posed to care for him nurture him and dare I say it love him appro-priately What was even more tragic is that this man came from a cul-ture that has low tolerance for anything that even remotely resem-bles homosexuality
Being abused sent this man on a downward spiral that ultimately turned him into a drug addict by his own admission a junkie who hated himself for what ldquohe had
(Continued on page 32)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoOver the course of
several related careers I
have seen a lot of good
being done Irsquove also
seen a lot of ugliness
that even by todayrsquos
standards defies the
most common
sensibilities we have as
human beingsldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 32
donerdquo His shame and guilt and culture prevented him saying any-thing about what happened It cut him off from any legal action that might take place and removed any sort of financial compensation that he might gain as a result of his abuse It eventually cut him off from his own family because his drug abuse prevented him from working and supporting his wife and family It destroyed his ability to be a good dad and husband A few years later I saw him back in jail again
When I did encounter him again it was with an in-creased sense of awareness within me Every time a man disclosed to me that he had been sexually abused or assaulted I started to die inside A little piece of me just died every time a man said to me what I could not say to myself or anyone else That dormant volcano started to fume a bit more regularly
Over the course of several related careers I have seen a lot of good being done Irsquove also seen a lot of ugliness that even by todayrsquos standards defies the most common sensibilities we have as human beings It exists Itrsquos around every corner if we choose to look at it Along with the ugly we have the good We have people who are willing to take a stand and come forward to say to the world ldquoWe
Inside (Continued from page 31)
have a problem here itrsquos not going to go away and it needs to be fixedrdquo I had the good fortune to meet many of these people last year at a conference on male sex-ual victimization By then I had been able to learn from the men that I serve that perhaps I too could learn to tell someone Could I be a survivor too
Men in jail are there for a reason Whether itrsquos to protect society while they await trial or from
themselves or while sentenced they are here Whether I think they should be here is irrelevant They are usually at the end of their ropes Their lives are upside down and in turmoil They are frequently in withdrawal from illicit drug use They are in the bottom of a pit from which there does not appear to be an escape or refuge They are desperate and will act desperately
if needed They are angry and no longer have any control over their lives Someone has taken that control away from them They have no choice but to comply Failure to comply results in loss of privileges which can include being prohibited from contact with those they love the most Forced co-habitation with other men can evoke strong memories of prior abuse which they cannot deal with let alone understand It can be isolation
They are alone and cannot speak about their issues for fear of being discovered and further stigmatized and trau-matized by a peer group that cannot tolerate differences or diversity
I have been fortunate in that for some reason men trust me and feel safe and able to disclose And when they do you can see the relief on their faces They are scared for sure but it has always seemed to be a relief I have to ask them I have no choice because itrsquos part of my job But now as a survivor myself I can tell them they are not alone I cannot tell them about me but I can tell them they are not alone that they
are among the approximately one in six men who are assaulted or abused when they are boys or young men I can tell them about the few resources we have avail-able for men which are a 100 improvement compared to what they had when they first walked into my office I tell them about MaleSurvivor and have MS posters up in my office I can tell them that
ldquoTougher than lsquoNamrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 33
Maybe not I prefer to think that I have shown them that there is hope There is life in being a survi-vor they donrsquot have to be held hostage any longer by a secret that was put upon them by an abuser I prefer to think that I have been able to show them that they do not have to be ashamed for being male When I speak with them Irsquom a straight shooter I calls rsquoem as I sees lsquoem I use words they can understand mdash street language mdash which helps them understand their bodies and to understand that Mother Nature made them to be reactive and responsive I tell them that simply because their bodies reacted that their bodies re-sponded while being abused did not make the abuse their fault It takes a while to get there at times But the relief when the penny drops and they realize that they themselves were in no way respon-sible for the abuse is quite remark-able
Just this week Irsquove been working with a man who actually smiled when he came into my office He said ldquoI finally get it It wasnrsquot my faultrdquo He then went on to tell me that immediately prior to his at-tending in my office he had just disclosed to his sister while on the phone in his jail area surrounded by other inmates While it was perhaps not the safest venue for a disclosure he made his own deci-sion He said he was taking control As a 35 year old this man has not been in control since he was first abused at age seven Subsequent abuse only reinforced for him that he was an object a thing not worth anything Relationship after relationship failed him as he con-tinued to relive issues of abandon-
there are over 6000 people regis-tered at MS and that when they get out they will find tremendous support at the MS website I can tell them about Weekends of Re-covery without disclosing that attending a WOR was one of the best things I have done with my life They will know that they are no longer alone And not once has anyone asked me directly about me If they did I could not reply which in a round about way is a reply But I cannot reply Why The institution that I work in can be as intolerant of differences and diver-sity as the inmates are of each other The whole notion of male abuse and assault simply does not exist It is not spoken of It will not be spoken of mdash until now
Because abuse is now spoken of I have been able to create a support network for inmates and for myself Itrsquos a small step but a step never-theless Itrsquos spoken of now at a level never before reached in terms of official support and direction Support has yet to be defined but I have a mandate now to do a better job for male survivors Itrsquos on paper Itrsquos my goal
Safety of all concerned has to remain first and foremost mdash safety for the inmate safety for me With inmates disclosing to me often for the first time I am struck by what happens next A huge can of worms is opened And for what There is little safety here little opportunity to follow up The court system tosses these men around like dice One day they are here the next they are God knows where Have I done something that perhaps I shouldnrsquot have Maybe
ment physical and sexual abuse sexual orientation confusion anger management substance abuse domestic violence self respect low self esteem boundaries mdash these and much more impact upon this man daily But hersquos making a start Itrsquos another chance We all need them
I would be remiss to not mention the support of my colleagues Some of them do know about me and they have been tremendously supportive and understanding They too share a belief that it is possible for men to become survivors I cannot imagine doing this work everyday without their ongoing support I love you guys
The resources I refer to are few the Menrsquos Project in Ottawa The Gate-house in Toronto as well as local sexual assault centres I discovered on my own road to recovery that our local sexual assault centre does in fact offer services to men but does not advertise this due to the fear of being inundated with refer-rals They simply are not equipped to handle what surely lies out in my community When the report of the Cornwall Inquiry comes out later this year it is my belief that it will force our government our society to re-examine how its treatment of boys and men is provided Hope-fully those who are like I was feeling alone fearful uncomfortable in their own skin will feel more enabled to come forward to shed that skin that was put on them by their abuser(s) and step out of the ordinary letting their souls ascend and become free
Vol 2 No 2
Page 34
A History of Male Survi-vor Services in Queacutebec
and First Nations Communities
By Caroline Benamza (dance and drama therapistpsychotherapist at CRIPHASE)
And by Benoicirct St Jean (Director of CRIPHASE)
Contact Tel +1-514-529-55-67 Email infocriphaseorg
Website wwwcriphaseorg
T he latest statistics in Queacutebec show that one out of every six men has been sexually
abused before the age of 18 but there are very few statistics regard-ing male survivors and this estima-tion is only based on reported abuse Most adult men or boys who are survivors go unnoticed because most of the services in Queacutebec are exclusively for women In 2008 the male population in Queacutebec was about 3800000 of which about 3000000 are above 20 years of age (from the Institut de la Statistique) Therefore we can estimate that in Queacutebec there are around 500000 male survivors actually visible within the different health care services justice system and police departments The num-ber is already frightening for a seemingly peaceful society like Queacutebec When it comes to Native American communities as many as 80 of boys have been sexually abused before the age of 18 This number is quite similar mdash but for different reasons mdash to the male population within the Federal or Provincial prisons
The reality of male survivors of sexual abuse in childhood has remained in the dark for years in Queacutebec and it is only in the last four years that the government has acknowledged the necessity of funding counseling services for male survivors Historically it can be explained The first services for survivors have been developed since the 1960s within the very strong Queacutebeacutecois feminist move-ments The women have built along the years a strong network of ser-vices for female vic-tims of sexual abuse and domestic vio-lence Today these services still exist as the CALACS (Centres dAide et de Lutte contre les Agressions agrave Caractegravere Sexuel = Sexual Assault Cen-tres) network for survivors of sexual abuse Due to a strong belief in pro-viding a safe haven for women survivors men were turned away from these services and had nowhere to go Only two survivorsrsquo centres in the Montreal area outside the CALACS network welcomed men but those men represent only 5 of clients
This situation became obvious when the CAVAC (Centre drsquoAide pour les Victime drsquoActes Criminels = Crime Victims Assistance Centres) started to provide counseling ser-
vices to victims of criminal acts who wished to press charges and go through a court procedure The first services in Queacutebec for male survivors therefore came from a strong need in the society In 1996 the CAVAC decided to fund an experimental program directed by Denis Reneacute to offer a support group for male survivors This program was named the PHASE Groups (Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = For Men Sexually Abused in Child-
hood) With the suc-cess of these first groups between 1996 and 1997 the CAVAC of Montreal tried to secure funding for the continuation of services Unfortu-nately the PHASE Groups suffered from the double status it carried within the government the Minister of Justice that was the main funder of the CAVAC refused to fund a counseling service supposedly to be funded by the Health Minister Later the Health Minister turned down the
funding because as part of CAVAC the program should have been funded by the Minister of Justice
So it was in 1997 that Denis Reneacute decided to secure the future of the PHASE Groups by registering them
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoWhen it comes to
Native American
communities as many
as 80 of boys have
been sexually abused
before the age of 18
This number is quite
similarmdashbut for different
reasonsmdashto the male
population within the
Federal or Provincial
prisonsrdquo
February 2009
Page 35
intimacy and sexuality issues) and PHASE Artistique (a 10 weeks art and movement therapy program) with a holistic approach to body and mind recovery
In 2008 the very first weekend of recovery (named PHASE Weekend) was created and CRIPHASE wishes to make the weekend an annual event In 2003 for the first time
CRIPHASE became a full member of the Table de Concertation en Agressions Sexuelles (a gathering of several organizations providing services to survivors in addition to representatives from the Justice the Health Minister and the police) This cooperation allows a better understanding of survivor issues and needs as well as a better coor-
within a non-profit organization that took the name CRIPHASE (Centre de Resources et drsquointervention Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = Resource and Intervention Centre for Men who have been Sexually Abused in Childhood) For 10 years the Groups have survived on pri-vate funding and have provided two recovery Groups called PHASE 1 and PHASE 2 Each PHASE is a 10-week program serving non-offending male survivors over 18 years of age and of all sexual orienta-tions With its first public funding in 2004 of $38000 a director was en-gaged by the board of administration and in 2008 the PSOC (a funding body within the agency of Health and Social Services) fi-nally secured the future of CRIPHASE with a first major funding rooting CRIPHASE in the circle of sexual abuse survivors centres
Since 2006 CRIPHASE has devel-oped a major politics of visibility through the media conferences and meetings with the different actors of the Queacutebeacutecois stage Three more programs have been developed within CRIPHASE PHASE Conjoint (for partners of male survivors) PHASE Sexo (a 10 weeks program of recovery focusing on
dination of services on the ground From within the Table CRIPHASE has been able to educate people on the issue of male survivors and participate or initiate projects such as the Information Guide for Sexual Assault Victims and the first pre-vention mobilization and aware-ness march for sexual abuse survi-vors in 2008 The presence of CRIPHASE at the Table has also
allowed the feminists within the CALACS to have a better under-standing of the suffer-ing of male survivors who are also victims in their own way of an old patriarchal system CRIPHASE was also finally incorporated in the CALACS coordina-tion groupmdashcalled Table des CALACS mdash in 2008
Until 2008 there were no services provided in English (Queacutebec is a French-speaking province where Eng-lish speakers are a minority) due to lack of funding to translate the PHASE 1 docu-ments and employ English-speaking therapists The project
to offer groups in English had been put aside for years but finally in 2008 the first groups of PHASE 1 and 2 opened for English speakers The PHASE Artistique and PHASE Weekend are now bilingual pro-grams
(Continued on page 36)
Phone calls received at CRIPHASE
male survivors
therapists
relatives and loved ones
other
The average male survivor using the services at CRIPHASE is aged between 35 and 55
Vol 2 No 2
Page 36
Male survivors in the Native American
communities Recovery programs within Native American communities are only starting Many Native American men were sexually abused as well as psychologically and emotionally abused when they were sent to boarding schools across the province for assimila-tion The effects of this traumatic experience (including historic trauma) can be seen in all First Nations of Queacutebec Algonquians Cris Innus Abenakis Innuits Micmacs and so forth Today there is a strong need of heal-ing for this lost gen-eration but traumatic experiences and con-sequences have been passed on to the next generations Unfortu-nately sexual abuse is one of these problems which need to be addressed through prevention and coun-seling in a way that will integrate Native American traditions and their holistic ap-proach to medicine Such programs already exist within some communi-ties Organizations like GRIPMA (Groupe de Recherches et dInter-ventions Psychosociales en Milieu Autochtone = Research and Inter-vention group in Aboriginal Com-munities) located in the Huron
History of Male Survivor Services (Continued from page 35)
community of Wendake (near Queacute-bec city) provide a clinical expertise in intervention within Native Ameri-can communities On the other side the Aboriginal Healing Foun-dation based in Ottawa is currently funding 16 recovery projects for the First Nations in Queacutebec ad-dressing sexual abuse addiction prevention of suicide boarding schools trauma etc until 2010
Last year the publication of the five-year funding plan on sexual abuse by the provincial govern-ment of Queacutebec has seen the recognition of male survivors as a population in great need of ser-vices It has also recognized the necessity of providing services to the First Nations communities
Things are changing in Queacutebec for male survivors Because CRIPHASE is the only organization providing support and counseling to men in Queacutebec who have been sexually abused in childhood there is great hope for an increase of funding this year The constant develop-ment of CRIPHASE and the increase in phone calls and numbers of guys within the services (in 2008-
2009 there will be seven groups of PHASE 1 in-stead of five the year before) also show that men in Queacutebec are get-ting the right information on sexual abuse and services and are being encouraged to look for help and engage in re-covery
If you are one of these men in Queacutebec we are waiting for your call Remember you are not alone
For the annual march event please visit wwwmarchevasca (Information for the May 2009 march will be on line from February 2009)
Quilt Square by a Native Child from Alberta From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 37
MaleSurvivor is men surviving sexual abuse in Canada we will start with Canadarsquos sad legacy of abuse of children by clergy
A Brief Incomplete Canadian History
In Canada our First Nations People have had to bear the legacy of abuse they endured in Canadarsquos notorious residential schools Cur-rent issues of addictions and family and mental health problems amongst our First Nations people can be traced back to the legacy of abuse experienced by Native chil-dren in residential schools
Around 1874 the federal government began working with the churches (Catholic Anglican United and Presbyte-rian) to set up the Residential School System as a means to suppress Native cul-ture and promote assimilation In gen-eral children between the ages of five and 16 were taken from their parents and sent to church-run residen-tial schools The extent of the abuse in these church-run schools has been referred to as the ldquoCanadian Holocaustrdquo Recently the Canadian Government formed the Truth and Reconciliation Commis-sion (TRC) as part of the court-approved Indian Residential Schools Settlement Agreement The
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious
Leader By Nancy N Mayer MSW RSW
Partner Crisci amp Mayer Consultation Counselling and
Training Toronto wwwckmconsultationcom
Introduction
L ikely all the readers of this newsletter have knowledge and expertise about men
being physically sexually and emotionally abused Research tells us that abusers can come from any
walk of life and most often are known to the child or adult In the last decade abuse by clergy has finally ldquocome out of the closetrdquo so to
speak thanks to those brave survi-vors who have made public their experiences of being abused by clergy More than ever survivor groups are encouraging victims to report these crimes to the police and to consider seeking civil re-dress for their injuries Many groups believe that change in churches will only come when they are held accountable for the abuse perpetrated by clergy
This article will attempt to address the distinctive issues that are com-mon to this population of survivors Because the focus of this issue of
purpose of the commission is not to determine guilt or innocence but to create an historical account of the residential schools help people to heal and encourage reconciliation between Aboriginal and non-aboriginal Canadians
The notorious Mount Cashel Or-phanage is another Canadian leg-acy of sexual abuse by clergy This facility was operated in Newfound-land by the Christian Brothers More than a dozen priests were convicted after decades of abusing young boys at the orphanage
Mount Cashel Or-phanage closed in 1989 just six months after allegations of sexual physical and emotional abuse were published by the media (For more in depth information see Harris Michael Unholy Orders Trag-edy at Mount Cashel Ontario Viking Press 1990)
Like the US there have been hundreds and perhaps thou-sands of cases of children and vulner-
able adults abused by clergy in every religious denomination Unlike the US our country is not bound as strictly by statutes of limitations so lawsuits can proceed more freely Our sentences for convicted clerical sex offenders are
(Continued on page 38)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Nancy N Mayer
ldquo[First Nations] children
between the ages of five
and 16 were taken from
their parents and sent to
church-run residential
schools The extent of
the abuse in these
church-run schools has
been referred to as the
lsquoCanadian Holocaustrsquoldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 38
nowhere near as severe as those of our American neighbours Most first offenders will not serve a day in jail The civil awards for personal inju-ries are also quite low Our court system promotes set-tling these cases out of court When a case fails to go to trial it is not part of the public re-cord The widespread use of confidentiality orders media fatigue and Canadian reserve means that it is impos-sible to obtain accurate statistics on how often men are abused by clergy or even the ex-tent of the problem in this country
The Authority of Rel igious Leaders Religious organizations have always played a central role in our so-cieties They provide moral ethical and spiritual guidance Reli-gious teachings have given us a context and meaning for our lives Most religious belief revolves around a divine power or God Religious leaders (ministers priests rabbis elders nuns) are thought to be Godrsquos earthly repre-sentatives and are treated with reverence and respect They have intimate involvement with families and children at such vulnerable times as an illness death or other family crises They may have access
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 37)
to confidential information by virtue of their roles of confessor or counsellor A child brought up by religious parents is taught to re-spect these men and women Oth-ers associated with churches mdash choir leaders teachers cantors youth group leaders mdash are also considered trustworthy by virtue of their close
association with their religious organizations Most parents en-courage their childrenrsquos participa-tion in church-based activities believing them to be safe and wholesome
These leaders are considered to be esteemed authorities and as repre-sentatives of God wield a great deal of power Depending on the faith group there may be teachings
that support an unquestioning adherence to their instructions and guidance This makes children and vulnerable adults particularly sus-ceptible to exploitation by this group because they have access opportunity and trust
Misuse of Power Perpetrators can utilize their positions of power and trust to gain access to their victims some-times for extended periods of uninterrupted time They may tell children that they are being asked to ldquoserve Godrdquo or that they or their families will be punished if they do not do as instructed Chil-dren may be threatened with eternal damnation or blamed for leading the religious leader into sin If the religion con-siders premarital sex or same sex contacts as sinful the guilt will be compounded
In most cases the victim will not disclose or may disclose but not be
believed A child will have a difficult time convincing adults that he or she has been victimized The vic-timrsquos family culture or communi-ties have been socialized to see their religious leaders as unques-tionably good and incapable of lies This can lead to others denying or minimizing the victimrsquos experience of abuse The victim is initially harmed by the abuser and then is revictimized by those who cannot
ldquoMay Hope be Passed through Every Handrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 39
institutionrsquos response and lack of compassion and pastoral care
The Impact on Spir ituality
The frequently used term ldquosoul murderrdquo aptly describes what hap-pens when the abuser is a religious leader When the response of the religious institu-tion to a disclosure of abuse is experienced as self-serving and uncaring the survivor will likely lose his faith in the religious community of which he has been a part To belong and to feel connected is a basic human need When abused by clergy the loss of connection and belonging to what may have been a spiritual anchor can be devastating
To compound the harm the abuse may have occurred in a religious building The abuser may have worn traditional cleri-cal attire or may have made religious or biblical refer-ences As a result being exposed to religious symbols music or any other reminder can trigger flashbacks and other uncomfortable physical symptoms
The cleric is often considered Godrsquos representative on earth This gives the cleric power that surpasses his position and status When abuse is at the hands of a minister nun
accept that their spiritual leaders are capable of abuse There are many stories of clergy abuse survi-vors being abandoned by their religious communities (who side with the cleric) and their families who cannot face leaving the church that has given their lives meaning and comfort The resultant feelings of betrayal and abandonment are profound
The Role of the Religious Inst itutions
When religious institutions hold themselves up as ethical compasses and arbitrators of right and wrong society has an expectation that church leaders will act in a fair and moral way Many US Commissions and Grand Juries and Canadian reports such as the Winter Com-mission Report (Archdiocese of St Johns Newfoundland Canada 1990) Child Abuse in Community Institutions and Organizations and Improving Public and Professional Understanding (prepared for the Law Commission of Canada) all record and explain the dynamics that have lead to the failure of religious institutions to protect our children
While it is well known that any institution mdash educational recrea-tional or spiritual mdash is not immune from having sex offenders in its midst the religious institutions have a particular legacy of protect-ing the institution through aggres-sive legal tactics versus truth telling and reconciliation Many victims state that they have been less wounded by the actual abuse and profoundly more damaged by the
priest rabbi minister or elder the recipient of the abuse may experi-ence profound guilt for ldquoparticipatingrdquo in ldquosinfulrdquo behaviour mdash a mistaken belief that he is respon-sible for the abuse or shame that
he has ldquosinnedrdquo He may believe he is deserving of rejection or eternal damnation If he confesses he risks exposing the cleric who has likely done what he could to trick the victim into believing that he must maintain silence and secrecy One survivor describes feeling that rdquoIt was like being abused by God him-self If even God couldnrsquot love me how could anyone else ever love merdquo
These factors alone can leave a man who has been abused by clergy unable to find comfort and solace in what used to be his spiritual beliefs and his church Without these familiar beliefs the survivor is aban-
doned and alone when he most needs support
The Role of Gender While woman are ordained in some denominations there is still an imbalance of power between men and women in many religious tradi-tions For boys and men abused by male clerics embarrassment and
(Continued on page 40)
ldquoThe frequently used
term lsquosoul murderrsquo aptly
describes what happens
when the abuser is a
religious leader When
the response of the
religious institution to a
disclosure of abuse is
experienced as self-
serving and uncaring
the survivor will likely
lose his faith in the
religious community of
which he has been
a partrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 40
concerns of how they will be per-ceived promote silence For the boy or man abused by a female cleric there may be worries that he will be labelled the seducer or pres-sured to consider this ldquorelationshiprdquo as non-abusive
The study conducted by the John Jay Col-lege of Criminal Jus-tice regarding The Nature and Scope of the Problem of Sexual Abuse of Minors by Priests and Deacons in the Catholic Church (Washington DC USCCB 2004) found some very disturbing information about the age and gender of victims The largest group of reported victims (509) was between the ages of 11 and 14 273 of victims were 15 to 17 16 were eight to 10 and nearly 6 were under age seven Overall 81 of vic-tims were male and 19 female Male victims tended to be older than female victims Over 40 of all victims were males between the ages of 11 and 14
The largest group of reported victims in this study consisted of boys who were entering puberty This is a tumultuous time in most
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 39)
young menrsquos lives To have this period of development disrupted can contribute to many mental health problems including lack of confidence disruption of emo-tional sexual and psycho-social development isolation sexual identity confusion depression anxiety and abuse of substances
In Summary The harm experienced by those
who are abused by clergy is profound and multifaceted Some therapists will not want to work with survivors of clergy abuse due to the complexity of their issues their limited knowledge of the subject area possible religious biases and potential for litigation Most (but certainly not all) survivors will have experienced revictimization by their churches or religious institutions This compounded by abuse by a religious leader in a position of power will under-standably lead to unique challenges Survivors will have
significant trust issues that can impede the forming of a trusting therapeutic relationship with a therapist who will also be in a position of power and may be an employee of an institution With transparency and skill on the part of the therapist and tenacity on the part of the survivor effective thera-
peutic partnership can be achieved While recovery is difficult it is possible
The irony is that many survivors of abuse by clergy have a strong sense of integrity morality and perseverance They learned the lessons that the ldquoreligiousrdquo offend-ers failed to learn At the core of their beings these clergy abuse survivors are the prophets who have come to speak the truth and reveal the abuse and the decep-tions It is this desire for social justice truth telling belonging and connection that will allow a healthy spiritual belief system to rise out of the ashes of what has happened It is this healthy spiritual belief that makes many clergy abuse survivors persistent and tenacious in seeking recovery and social justice They are making a difference and chang-ing the world as we know it
ldquoThe harm experienced
by those who are
abused by clergy is
profound and
multifaceted Some
therapists will not want
to work with survivors
of clergy abuse due to
the complexity of their
issues their limited
knowledge of the
subject area possible
religious biases and
potential for litigationldquo
February 2009
Page 41
tion of it earlier in the lsquo90s but 1997 is when there was a critical mass of mostly male survivors coming forward and taking action against Maple Leaf Gardens Your question specifically was ldquoDid it play a role in my choice of ca-reersrdquo
MS Yes
SJ Yes and no The Maple Leaf
Gardens cases were not my first sexual assault cases but my in-volvement in these cases solidified my interest and desire to help sur-vivors
MS Could you take a few minutes to explain to our readers just what the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal was and why it has played a central role in revealing the extent of sex-ual abuse at least in the Toronto area
of my clients will say something like ldquoYou know this is not about the money I donrsquot care how much I get this is about something elserdquo And whatever that person seeks mdash an apology or the empowerment of filing a lawsuit or a million other unique things mdash that is why I do this kind of work Itrsquos about helping people through whatever process they need in order to begin that healing process the moving forward process
MS And also to provide your clients with a sense of justice
SJ Absolutely Justice is really not about the money itrsquos about the knowledge that theyrsquove come forward theyrsquove done something and theyrsquove empowered themselves It takes a tre-mendous amount of courage to do that I am always in awe of my cli-ents for the amount of courage they have They are my inspiration
MS Many Americans are unaware of the so-called Maple Leaf Gar-dens sex scandal that began some-time in the 1960s but didnrsquot come to wide public attention until 1997 the year after you began practicing law Did this scandal have some affect on your choice of career
SJ Actually the scandal did come to prominence before 1997 There was scattered media atten-
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 1)
SJ Sure There was a series of men who were employed at Maple Leaf Gardens which was the home of the Toronto Maple Leafs mdash the hockey club mdash who over a period of a couple of decades sexually abused probably hundreds of chil-dren It started in the lsquo60s it went on we believe until the early lsquo80s There were two principal men in-volved but there were at least three
others who also were ac-cused In order to under-stand why the Maple Leaf Gardens sex scandals are as important as they are you have to understand that hockey in Toronto and hockey in Canada is almost a religion Hockey is to Canadians what the NFL or Major League Baseball is to Americans Every little boy dreams of about becoming the next Wayne Gretzky becoming the best hockey player he can be Maple Leaf Gar-dens was the home of one of the best loved and biggest hockey teams mdash the Toronto Maple Leafs The Gardens was the high
temple of hockey in Canada and still is In the lsquo60s lsquo70s and even the lsquo80s children mdash mostly boys mdash would go to Maple Leaf Gardens usually unaccompanied by their parents because back then nobody really thought that anything bad would happen to them at the Gar-dens The boys would go there ei-ther for practice games or to watch the Maple Leafs play or more likely they would go to watch To-
(Continued on page 42)
ldquoMaple Leaf Gardens in Memory of Martin Kruzerdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 42
ronto Marlies games The Marlies were the farm team for the Toronto Maple Leafs During these games and these practices the pedophiles who worked at the Gardenrsquos would often befriend these boys seeking out boys who were more vulner-able than others most likely and would sexually assault the boys sometimes off-property but most often within the Gardens itself They would use their position as employees of the Gardens to be able to say to the boys if you come with me Irsquoll get you a broken hockey stick or hockey puck or Irsquoll get you into better seats the next game or whatever other type of inducement would be necessary to get the boys to go with them into either a washroom or a training room or other private place where the boys would be sexually abused
In 1997 there were about 50 or 60 cases all joined to-gether and Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Entertainment Ltd wanted to settle all the cases prior to the Toronto Maple Leafs moving into a new hockey rink called the Air Canada Center so as to have a clean slate at the new rink By and large a lot of the litigation was fin-ished before the team moved into the Air Canada Center but not all of it In fact there are probably 17 or 19 cases going through the court
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 41)
system today more than 10 years after the original large group of plaintiffs went through the court and I believe that new people will continue to come forward when they are strong enough
MS I understand that one of the principal plaintiffs in the case Mar-tin Kruze had settled with the owners or the operators of the Ma-ple Leaf Gardens in 1995 and that he signed a confidentiality agree-ment not to reveal the settlement
or perhaps even the details of what had happened to him Do you think that the confidentiality agree-ment Mr Kruze agreed to slowed down or hindered the full exposure of this scandal
SJ I think that any confidentiality agreement blocks public access to knowledge and to understanding so I do suspect that Martinrsquos confi-dentiality agreement did have some impact on the scandal re-
maining hidden for as long as it did Absolutely yes I believe that confidentiality agreements are in-herently difficult for plaintiffs be-cause they create and continue a cycle of secrecy Sexual assault is a crime that is almost always carried out in secret and the guilt and shame it produces is key in helping pedophiles maintain their hold over their victims Putting a confidential-ity agreement on a settlement just perpetuates the guilt and the shame
MS Unfortunately Martin Kruzersquos principal perpetrator received a shockingly light sen-tence for all his actions and I understand that this led to Martin com-mitting suicide shortly afterwards
SJ I would think that the perpetratorrsquos sentence was a part of why Martin chose to end his life yes It hap-pened relatively shortly after the sentencing and I suspect that it weighed heavily on Martinrsquos decision
MS Do you think that the sen-tence that the perpetrator received was a reflection of the then current attitude towards pedophiles and sexual abuse
SJ The sentence that the perpe-trator received was a reflection on the way that the Canadian justice system deals with criminals regard-ing personal crimes absolutely It was a very low sentence in keep-
Imants Kruze visiting his sonrsquos memorial quilt square in the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 43
obtain here versus how much they can obtain in the United States In the United States there is no cap for pain and suffering awards whereas here in Canada there is a very small cap mdash about $325000 If a survivor of sexual assault goes through the court system and even if they have a very good day in court in terms of compensation yoursquore probably looking at an award for dam-ages somewhere be-tween $200000 and $500000 Sometimes itrsquos actually less than $200000 and very very rarely more than $500000 so in that sense we are defi-nitely behind But I donrsquot think itrsquos a question of waiting 10 years to see if we ldquocatch uprdquo I think itrsquos just a fundamental difference in how our court system works and whatrsquos available to survivors in terms of compensation
If you mean that Canada is 10 years behind in dealing with other aspects of sexual assault then you are probably correct in terms of media attention public awareness and outrage Sexual assault is still largely an unreported unprose-cuted crime But things are getting better every day and as more and more survivors come forward posi-tive changes will continue to hap-pen
MS As Irsquom sure you know therersquos periodic discussion about tort re-
ing with what was handed out at the time and to a large extent itrsquos still in keeping with what is handed out right now
MS Are you still representing or have you represented anyone who is a plaintiff in this scandal
SJ I was very much involved in the core group of Maple Leaf Gar-dens survivors that came forward in 1997 I was on what was called the plaintiffsrsquo committee back then which was a group of a few lawyers who brought the litigation forward I represented a number of plaintiffs in the original group that came forward I have also represented quite a few men throughout the last 10 years and currently repre-sent two men in the last group of plaintiffs to come forward I have also been approached by at least two other men who may decide to pursue litigation
MS Dale English mdash who has spo-ken to you at some length mdash has said to me that either you or he or both of you have felt that Canada is perhaps 10 or more years behind the US in dealing with the issues of sexual abuse and sexual assault Could you elaborate on that com-ment
SJ I think it depends on what you mean by dealing with the is-sues If you mean dealing with the issues in terms of bringing civil cases forward to a certain extent we are behind One of the funda-mental differences between the United States and Canada is the way that our tort systems operate and specifically the amount of compensation that tort victims can
form in the United States mainly aimed at capping punitive dam-ages Irsquom wondering whether there is the mirror of that in Canada mdash whether therersquos any movement to-wards tort reform that would allow greater awards to victims
SJ Well there is and there isnrsquot In Canada itrsquos very difficult if not
impossible to get pu-nitive damages espe-cially if therersquos a criminal conviction The punitive damages that are available in Canada are very low A typical punitive damage award would be $20000 or $25000 - usually not much more than that So damages are quite restricted here in any event In terms of tort reform I think there is a global push by in-surance companies to
try to limit compensation whether in the States or here The things that the American Association of Justice are fighting for down in the States are the same things that the Ontario Trial Lawyers Association are fighting for here mdash the continued ability to sue for compensation un-hampered by legislative roadblocks benefitting powerful institutional defendants to the detriment of those who have suffered Ours is a much smaller playing field and therefore less money is at stake In terms of plaintiffsrsquo lawyers wersquore trying to maximize the compensa-tion that we can get for our client Every time we go to court we try
(Continued on page 44)
ldquoIf you mean that
Canada is 10 years
behind in dealing with
other aspects of sexual
assault then you are
probably correct in
terms of media
attention public
awareness and outrageldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 44
to get a higher damage award so that that case will be a building block for future cases There are always attempts to try to circum-vent the cap on pain and suffering damages that we have Itrsquos not an easy thing to do the cap has been in place in Canada for 32 years now It was put in place in 1977 by the Supreme Court of Canada and itrsquos unlikely to be overturned any-time soon Even though from a purely theoretical legal analysis that cap does not apply to pain and suffering damages for victims of sexual assault and sexual abuse the reality is that judges still use that cap as a high water mark even though it doesnrsquot formally apply mdash it is still a de facto cap and to be honest with you it is almost impos-sible to get anywhere near that cap for compensation for pain and suf-fering A typical pain and suffering award in Canada for childhood sex-ual abuse is somewhere between $100000 and $200000 Anything on top of that would be associated economic loss or care costs
MS Itrsquos quite unfortunate that even though therersquos no real cap the law behaves as if there were one
SJ Yep I couldnrsquot agree with you more Itrsquos very unfortunate
MS I understand that in 2005 the government of Ontario convened whatrsquos known as the Cornwall Pub-lic Inquiry Was the Inquiry con-vened to address the issues of sex-ual abuse and sexual assault and
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 43)
the way the justice system is han-dling it
SJ Thatrsquos probably one of the reasons the Inquiry was convened Thatrsquos one of the hopes The In-quiry was convened because of what was going on in a little city east of Toronto mdash a series of allega-tions against very prominent mem-bers of that community involving the sexual abuse of children over a period of many many years The idea behind the Inquiry is to try to figure out what happened and to put in place some recommenda-tions that will not only stop some-thing like the abuse in Cornwall from happening again but will also try to help those who were affected by the events in the first place And to some extent I think some good will come of the Inquiry Hopefully the recommendations will be good for survivors of childhood sexual abuse or any kind of sexual assault The Submission phase of the In-quiry officially ended late February 2009
MS Did you have the opportunity to testify before the Inquiry
SJ I did not personally testify before the Inquiry Testimony was generally limited to the people ac-tually involved mdash police officers vic-tims what not I was involved in the Inquiry with regards to a panel discussionroundtable that they had regarding the use of confiden-tiality agreements
MS As you probably know Male-Survivor was first founded in the early 1980s by a group of thera-pists who were concerned about support for victims of childhood
sexual abuse and although Male-Survivor is still not a very large or-ganization it has increased its in-fluence significantly over the years and Irsquom wondering whether there is a similar non-profit or other group in Canada that also is dedi-cated to helping victims of child-hood sexual abuse
SJ There are some grass roots organizations that deal with victims of childhood sexual abuse or adult sexual assault I donrsquot believe there is as cohesive a unit as MaleSurvi-vor I may be wrong on that but there are smaller more community based organizations that assist sur-vivors That being said resources available to survivors are unfortu-nately pretty limited
MS Is that because there are too few therapists in that form of prac-tice
SJ I think itrsquos a mixture of many different things First of all Canada has a much smaller population base mdash 30 million people as com-pared to 300 million in the United States mdash so you have significantly fewer people affected and there-fore you have significantly fewer resources available to those people The services that we do have will often have very long waiting lists before people can access them There are some very very good counselors in Canada assisting sur-vivors but unfortunately the waiting lists are sometimes long and the availability for public funding to provide services free of charge is somewhat limited
MS Is there anything in your opinion about the Canadian health
February 2009
Page 45
system that contributes to the scar-city of services
SJ I donrsquot know if itrsquos the Cana-dian health system I think that in Canada we have a pretty good public health system in the sense that anybody who needs medical services can access those services free of charge The problem is that a lot of these services are not covered under our health system per se Many are covered under either private plans or pay as you go type services and itrsquos just a question of finding the people who can provide these services and being lucky enough to get them when they either donrsquot have a waiting list or other-wise having to wait until your name comes up on that waiting list
MS And that could takes years in some cases it seems
SJ My understanding is that those waiting lists can be quite long but there are very good peo-ple out there Itrsquos just a question of finding them and being able to afford them
MS Can you elaborate on other differences between the US and Canada that affect the way survi-vors and perpetrators are treated by the legal system and the media
SJ The differences between Can-ada and the US are really huge On the surface Americans and Canadi-ans look pretty much the same dress the same talk the same eat the same foods and by and large watch the same TV but culturally there is a huge difference in the way we look at the world in the
way our legal system works and the way that people interact with one another
Americans are much more litigious by na-ture I think this is due to the fact that in the United States mdash at least as seen from the outside mdash the rights of the individual are paramount In Can-ada less so Canada is much more commu-nity-oriented We of-tentimes think about how something is going to affect others instead of looking at what an individual might be entitled to I think that the high
damage awards available through the American legal system are beneficial in sexual abuse cases as is the lack of a cap on awards which we have
In some ways though our legal system is much better for my cli-ents than the US system would be because of the way that our actual process works One of the things that I know is very damaging to a lot of plaintiffs in the United States is the whole discovery process tak-
ing depositions Depositions can go on for a huge number of days and pretty much everybody in the per-sonrsquos life can be called to give a deposition That is very troubling and painful for people who donrsquot necessarily want others to know about their abuse or donrsquot want to involve their family Here in Canada depositions mdash or what we call the examination for discovery mdash are lim-ited to the actual named parties in the lawsuit The defendant and the plaintiff are examined for discovery or deposed if you will Anyone who is not an actual party to the litiga-tion can only be discovered under court orders and itrsquos very difficult to get those court orders so in that sense itrsquos a much quicker cleaner process and less intrusive on some-onersquos life So that is probably a good thing
The other really huge difference between the two systems which I think does in fact impact on why a lot of these cases settle as opposed to going to court and oftentimes settle for very different amounts of money than they would if they went to court is that in Canada we have a ldquoloser paysrdquo system If you go to court and you lose you have to pay at least a portion of the fees incurred by the other side Letrsquos say the defendantrsquos settlement offer is $100000 If the plaintiff does not accept that $100000 and at trial the plaintiff gets $99000 then the plaintiff has to pay the lawyerrsquos fees of the defendant because the award is less than the settlement offer That is very difficult That means that a lot of cases are set-tled for probably less money than
(Continued on page 46)
ldquoOn the surface
Americans and
Canadians look pretty
much the same hellip but
culturally there is a
huge difference in the
way we look at the
world in the way our
legal system works and
the way that people
interact with one
anotherldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 46
MS I join you in that hope Any-thing that can advance the cause of not only helping people but also helping prevent further abuses is always going to be welcome If you could set forth a vision of how you would like to see the law and the therapeutic community in Canada evolve to handle matters of child-
hood sexual abuse and sexual assault mdash if you could influence the reform of institu-tions what would your vision be
SJ Oh Richard Wow Well first and foremost I would love to raise public aware-ness of this issue for various reasons I think that increased public awareness will not necessarily reduce the instances of abuse but will help improve how abuse is dealt with when itrsquos ongoing and after-wards Itrsquos very im-portant that when a child is hurt that
child knows that he can go to peo-ple for help and support All too often if kids get up enough cour-age to tell someone the reaction they get is not very positive I think that with increased public aware-ness hopefully people will under-stand that there are ways to deal with this that will decrease the amount of harm so public aware-ness is paramount
I would like the legal system to raise compensation awards for sur-
turning point in bringing to the publicrsquos attention that the sexual assault of children can happen does happen and itrsquos a very diffi-cult thing for anyone to go through whether theyrsquore little boys or grown men that were abused as children It brought childhood sex-ual abuse out of the shadows to a certain extent The scandal still garners media attention as new survivors come forward but not the same as it did 10 years ago
MS Would you say that the lack of inves-tigative reporting is a cultural phenomenon or is it that the news-papers donrsquot feel they have that role
SJ Oh no Canadian newspapers do feel that they have a role in investigating things but for whatever rea-son sexual abuse of children has not been a priority The Cana-dian media really has not been at the forefront of this issue the way the media in the United States has been and I think that is tremen-dously disappointing The lack of media attention means that we arenrsquot fostering the awareness within the public that we need in order to provide real help and ser-vices for survivors We need the mediarsquos help to bring this horrific crime to light and to help stop it from happening
they would get if they went to court because that risk of going to court and not getting at least the amount of the original offer weighs heavily on everyone Our system is designed and geared toward avoid-ing trials which can be good be-cause nobody really wants to go through a trial but can be bad be-cause people become very intimi-dated by the prospect of losing or not getting as much as the settle-ment offer and being indebted to the defendant for a lot of money Thatrsquos a scary scary thing to go through
With regards to the media the US has a media that by and large has helped out a lot with sexual abuse cases The whole issue of clergy abuse really started with investiga-tive reporting by the Boston Globe right
MS Right
SJ They really took that issue and just ran with it Here in Canada we really havenrsquot had the same kind of investigative media cover-age as yoursquove had which is why events like the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal are not as huge as they are down in the States
Before Martin Kruze committed sui-cide the media was only somewhat interested in the Maple Leaf Gar-dens scandal Martin Kruze was a figure because he had sued the Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Com-plex But after he committed sui-cide the media was really galva-nized and that was probably a
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 45)
ldquoThe lack of media
attention means that we
arenrsquot fostering the
awareness within the
public that we need in
order to provide real
help and services for
survivors We need the
mediarsquos help to bring
this horrific crime to
light and to help stop it
from happeningrdquo
February 2009
Page 47
ments but it canrsquot at this stage really happen through the courts
I would want there to be an ability for institutions or perpetrators mdash de-fendants mdash to look beyond mere dollars and cents and look toward healing the person that they have hurt either directly or indirectly All too often in these cases we really become tied up in the legal minu-tiae of things as opposed to defen-dants saying ldquoOK letrsquos step back here and letrsquos try to helprdquo
I wish that there were a real under-standing that these cases are not car accident cases and they should
not be treated as car accident cases My clients are not people whorsquove broken a leg and therefore need X amount of dollars in order to pay for medical services or whatnot And unfortu-nately that doesnrsquot necessarily happen
In terms of the thera-peutic community I would love to see counseling and therapy ses-sions be paid for through the pub-lic purse so that people who re-quire the services of highly-skilled counselors and therapists and psy-chologists can access those services without having to pay for them A lot of clients just donrsquot have the economic means to pay for such services until after they get a set-tlement and that could take years It would be wonderful to see those kinds of services funded the same way as a trip to the emergency room or a trip to your family doc-tor for a cold is funded Irsquod love to
vivors The amount of damage that can be done as a result of child-hood abuse or in fact any kind of sexual assault is tremendous It affects almost every aspect of someonersquos life It becomes inter-generational because it affects the people around the survivor and compensation awards are still very much a pale reflection of what is needed in order to help these peo-ple I hope that at some point our judges and our legislature under-stand that need and can corre-spondingly give appropriate and reasonable damage awards so that people can start to rebuild their lives in a meaningful way
I would love there to be an opportunity within our civil system for more than just compensation At this stage the only thing that a civil judge can do is award monetary compensation There are a lot of creative things that you can do within a settlement that are not purely fi-nancial that can give a lot of sol-ace to someone who has been abused whether that be in the form of some non-financial healing whether it be in the form of a situation where somebody can con-front their abuser if thatrsquos what they wish to do in a safe setting or whether itrsquos the ability for that sur-vivor to do something outside of pure simple dollars and put for-ward some sort of healing plan that is as individual as they are That can happen through settle-
be able to see that I think that that would go a long way to helping people earlier rather than later
Ultimately I wish that this situation didnrsquot exist anymore and I would be put out of business frankly
MS Well I can certainly sympa-thize with the way you feel but it would seem that you have a career ahead of you dealing with this problem
SJ Unfortunately I think you are right I think that instances of child-hood sexual abuse are not neces-sarily going down I think that insti-tutions are getting a little bit better at putting in place policies and sometimes even following their own policies to stop pedophiles from entering those institutions and preying on people that those insti-tutions are theoretically set up to serve but I think that as long as the problem of childhood sexual abuse is with us I will be out there trying to help anybody that I can
MS Is there anything else yoursquod like to say to our readers
SJ I think that organizations such as MaleSurvivor are imperative in helping people understand that they are not alone that itrsquos not their fault and there are ways to get help So hats off to an organi-zation such as yours The clients I have who are involved in your or-ganization are very very well served so I have to thank you for being a resource
MS Thank you very much for your kind comments and for your time Simona
ldquoUltimately I wish that
this situation didnrsquot exist
anymore and I would be
put out of business
franklyrdquo
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-
February 2009
Page 25
like or love me with the things my abuser had made me do
Because of the trauma of being abused I wet the bed until I was about 12 years of age which drained any remaining self-worth or self-esteem that I had left I was so embarrassed And then I had to tolerate ridiculous comments from people saying things like ldquoYou know that you are going to have to stop thisrdquo and ldquoYou are getting too old for thisrdquo No kidding really Did they think that I liked waking up in my own urine Did they not think that I wanted to stop Did they have any idea how their words hurt me Man oh man it was like that all the time They just didnrsquot think before they spoke
Frustrated and over-whelmed in my teens I finally found the ldquofriendrdquo that I had been looking for mdash first name ldquoALrdquo last name ldquoCOHOLrdquo I would be-come a whole new person when I drank booze and how I drank I found a brand new confidence I was somewhat funny when I drank dur-ing the early years of drinking however over time I became de-pressed and extremely angry I would fight in bars on a regular basis Then in December of 1987 I was stabbed outside a bar and nearly died Now you would think that being stabbed and nearly dy-ing would prompt a lifestyle
change or at the very least cause me to take a personal inventory of my situation and myself But not me I wore it as a badge of honour allowing the insanity to continue
It is said that if the drugs and alco-hol donrsquot kill you the lifestyle will During this time and over the years I was introduced to many criminals Their crimes ranged from murder assaults extortion and drug dealing to running massage parlours and prostitution mdash to just name a few One of my acquaint-ances was even a hired killer He
actually assassinated two reputed crime bosses in Ontario and is now serving a lengthy sentence for those and other killings
But I was drawn to their so-called power and complete disregard for the law Looking back on it I guess I was looking to reclaim the power
that was stolen from me by my abuser
In my early twenties I got a job working with Young Offenders as a Correctional Officer With the money I was making I bought a very nice sports car dated pretty women was extremely materialistic and yet I was never satisfied I worked in corrections for about four years During that time I also began my career in the world of entertainment as a voice impres-sionist and stand-up comedian as well as a co-host of a comedy tele-
vision show I had a tremendous ego and unknowingly had be-come rdquoThe Great I Amrdquo
After a couple of years I moved from comedy to producing and host-ing my own sports television program which aired for ten years I had so much fun and I was able to meet and interview some of sportsrsquo big-gest names
In my mid-20s when the alcohol wasnrsquot medicating my pain any longer I turned to
something stronger mdash COCAINE During a span of approximately ten years the combination of alcohol cocaine and all my poor choices cost me most of my jobs many of my relationships and all my money It drove me to criminal activity po-lice charges a conviction and a criminal record But most of all I
(Continued on page 26)
Alone Uncredited Photo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 26
was lost Glenn was slowly dying inside me I became depressed and despondent and I hated so many people But most of all I hated my-self
I had attempted suicide on a few occasions and I really and truly had a death wish I hated myself so much that on Friday January 16 1998 loaded with a supply of co-caine and booze I booked myself into a hotel room with no intention of coming out alive Friday night and Saturday passed with me drinking and getting high on co-caine After having more cocaine delivered to me on Sunday after-noon there was no turning back mdash or so I thought Approximately at midnight on Sunday I made my final decision mdash it was time for me to leave this stinking world I ingested enough cocaine to kill me and then I barricaded my hotel door and ripped the phone out of the wall I lay down on the bed defeated broken sad guilt-ridden ashamed depressed and scared yet so ready to die
Only Divine Intervention mdash some sort of miracle mdash can explain what hap-pened next The police came into my hotel room at just the right time on Sunday night and took me to the hospital Who called them how did they know to come to my room I donrsquot know Well thatrsquos not completely true Today I am a man of faith and as a Christian I know exactly who orchestrated my rescue
A Victim No More (Continued from page 25)
After a brief stay in the hospital I chose to enter the Hamilton Menrsquos Withdrawal Management Centre where I spent eleven days From there I entered an intensive addic-tion treatment centre for a six-week stay followed by a five and one half month stay at a recovery house
I have been clean and sober since Janu-ary 19 1998
I work the program of recovery intensely I was blessed with some incredible therapists who were able to break through my trust issues my rough exterior and my wall of comedy to allow me to heal I also became involved in the 12-Steps and other support groups through which I have found tremendous friendships and men-toring
Recovery is about making changes Al-though my abuser assaulted me until I was 15 years old I blamed him for all of my problems until I was 33 years old I had to change from being a pro-fessional blamer and liar to a man of responsibility character and in-tegrity It wasnrsquot easy however after many tears and lots of hard work life has gotten much better
Over time and through applying these principles I found peace se-renity and forgiveness and I also
learned how to love myself again Everything that was set in motion to harm me as a young man is now what drives me With Godrsquos help today I am able to live humbly honestly open-minded and willing to do whatever it takes to stay clean and sober while doing what I can to help others who face similar
struggles
Today I serve the Ca-nadian Centre for Abuse Awareness as the Director of the Southwestern Ontario office My mission at hand is to create a task force that will be responsible for build-ing a residential pro-gram for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
I am also the Execu-tive Producer and Host of three popular television programs Good News Sports The Edge and Living Clean Living Clean is the only live weekly interactive television program in Canada
that is designed to assist individu-als who suffer with addiction abuse andor mental illnesses
I also host The Glenn Allan Show on a local radio station in Hamil-ton ON Canada
As a motivational speaker my pres-entation entitled Youth Yak Live has enabled me to speak to thou-sands of youth nationwide since 2000 Through Youth Yak Live I
ldquoRecovery is about
making changes
Although my abuser
assaulted me until I was
15 years old I blamed
him for all of my
problems until I was 33
years old I had to
change from being a
professional blamer and
liar to a man of
responsibility character
and integrity
February 2009
Page 27
Male Survivor Groups (MSG)
By Robert Beacuterubeacute Co-founder MSG
M ale Survivor Groups (MSG) was created by a group of male survivors
of childhood sexual abuse follow-ing the death of a fellow survi-vor in Lon-don Ontario Canada The initial objec-tives were to foster cama-raderie and support for one another and also to obtain proper help
for survivors in the London area
Presently our aim is to help all male survivors and also to make our cause known It is open to all male survivors of childhood ado-lescent and adult abuse We have expanded and have supported the creation of groups across Canada and we are prepared to support the creation of groups throughout the World
Groups have been established in London Vancouver Sudbury and North Bay in Canada
Our beliefs
1 Our groups are for male survi-vors of abuse What is said in the group remains there What is stated must remain confiden-
have developed tremendous work-ing relationships with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police Ontario Provincial Police Crime Stoppers local police agencies young of-fender facilities churches self-help groups and alcohol and drug treatment centres
I also facilitate a weekly peer sup-port group for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
There was a time when I thought I would never get married and that no one could love me for who I am Colleen and I met in 1999 We both have similar pasts We both have worked through our abuse issues and are both clean and so-ber In 2001 my best friend and I married and we now have three beautiful children Ashley Brandon and Christopher Spending the rest of my life with Colleen and our family is a dream come true
The opportunity of sharing Godrsquos gifts and blessings with others is truly an honour and a privilege It is imperative that I never take these things for granted
If I can assist you or someone dear to you please donrsquot hesitate to contact me at the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness Ph 905-594-1581 or email glennccfaacom or visit these websites
wwwabusehurtscom wwwlivingcleanca wwwglennallanca
or write to me co CCAA 38 King St East PO Box 66614 Stoney Creek ON L8G 5E5
(Continued from page 26)
tial Anonymity is of the utmost importance unless the survivor has gone public But intimate details of the public person must also remain confidential Confidentiality must be assured
2 We are in the group to heal and to support each other
3 We are male survivors who want to heal and help others in the process We can be as young as 16 or as old as old can be
4 Our primary purpose is our own safe being Secondary purposes are the betterment of services for male survivors and the advancement of our cause
5 We fight on so that we may grow in solidarity
6 We are not a religious group We do use different models of functioning in our different sub-groups Ours is a healing group for more than one prob-lematic issue
7 We encourage partnerships with organisations businesses and agencies that foster the creation of services for male survivors of abuse
We have created a Facebook Group which is also open to FRIENDS who support our cause Our group is establishing partnerships with other male survivor groups in Canada and worldwide You can contact us through the Facebook page or by emailing me at berube55yahooca
Support Groups
Robert Beacuterubeacute
Vol 2 No 2
Page 28
The CCAA By Ellen Campbell [ellenccfaacom]
Founder and Executive Director Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness
A s some of you know the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness (CCAA) is a
national non-government charitable organization dedicated to eliminat-ing child abuse through advocacy education public awareness and prevention programs With help from community and corporate partners the CCAA provides accessible support healing and indi-vidual empowerment for adult survivors their fami-lies and caregivers through over 20 programs Those that listen to classic rock station Q107 in the To-ronto region will recognize us as their charity of choice through Derringerrsquos Thir-teen Days of Christmas campaign
Based in Newmarket On-tario the CCAA is an active and vibrant organization that in addition to its variety of program offer-ings is also involved in public safety advocacy That advo-cacy started with the early release from prison of one of the perpetra-tors in the Maple Leaf Gardensrsquo child sex abuse scandal Many surviving victims were traumatized again this time by the system The
CCAA went public with its concerns that day and the public safety advocacy program was born
Later the CCAA wrote a sweeping report titled Martinrsquos Hope named in memory of Martin Kruze (the first victim to courageously go public with the story of his abuse at the Gardens and who later tragi-cally took his own life) that made 60 recommendations for legislative and policy change to the criminal justice system These recommenda-tions were gleaned from round-
table discussions with over 150 front-line criminal justice system professionals crime victims and survivors To this day members of the Kruze family sit on the CCAA Board of Directors
After the initial public release of the Martinrsquos Hope report in the fall of 2003 I knew that if repairs were to be made to the criminal justice system advocacy would have to be accelerated That advocacy began in earnest in early 2006 with the hiring of John Muise a volunteer with the CCAA and previously a Toronto police officer with signifi-cant experience in legislative and policy advocacy The hire coincided with new political winds blowing in Ottawa The CCAArsquos full-time public
safety program was born
Relationships already in existence were strength-ened new ones were made and the CCAA intensified its advocacy with politi-cians stakeholders and other decision makers In addition the CCAA courted media attention recogniz-ing the opportunity to get our message out
That advocacy included the preparation of written briefs in support of testi-mony before a number of decision making bodies including several appear-ances before the House of Commons Justice Commit-tee
ADVOCACY REWARDED The last three years have brought success on a number of fronts Progress on the criminal justice reform front is rarely if ever the result of one person or just one organization advocating for
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoMartinrsquos Hoperdquo in Memory of Martin Arnold Kruze From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 29
government Although there are specific circumstances under which the age of consent is 16 (or 18) the general age of consent remained at 14 For many in the child protection
world this has been a shame of what is otherwise a devel-oped and civilized land The fight is finally over with the passage and Royal Assent of this legisla-tion in July of 2008 This is a victory for the many people that fought the good fight and most importantly this law allows prose-cution of those adult predators who choose to sexually exploit 14
and 15 year old children
Review of federal corrections policy
In 2007 the federal government ordered an independent review of the federal corrections and parole system The CCAA attended the announcement of that review and subsequently appeared before the review team and provided detailed written recommendations for change The final report included a number of recommendations that the CCAA provided including those contained in Martinrsquos Hope A rollout of some report recommen-dations has already started includ-ing a pilot project for the use of electronic monitoring on serious and violent offenders who are on parole in communities
(Continued on page 30)
Dangerous offenders Having someone declared a dan-gerous offender is very difficult to do In fact there are fewer then 400 declared dangerous offenders in the country This amendment makes it easier to bring a dangerous offender application for a serious repeat con-victed offender before the court The end result should be we hope the detection and declaration of more dangerous offenders Dangerous offender designation is for life and results in indefinite lock-up of the offender with periodic judicial reviews
Community protection orders
Also known as ldquoSection 810rdquo orders they allow the state to monitor the activities of certain subjects mdash no longer under some form of sen-tence or other judicial release but still considered a danger mdash to be placed on a judicial order similar to a bail with control and monitoring conditions The legislation explicitly expands the controls that can be usedmdashfor example electronic moni-toringmdashand extends the length of the order from one year to two
Age of protection For longer than people care to remember advocates have fought to raise the general age of consent from 14 to 16 years of age Until recently those voices have been largely ignored by the federal
change but no one can deny the important roll played by the CCAA in advancing these reforms These are all original recommendations contained in the Martinrsquos Hope report The results as they say speak for themselves and include but are not limited to the follow-ing
Mandatory minimum sentences for Internet chi ld abuse offences
Over time courts have increasingly relied on so called ldquohouse arrestrdquo provisions (see section immediately below) when sentencing offenders found guilty of Internet child abuse and similar kinds of serious child exploitation offences The sen-tences were often way out of pro-portion to the gravity of the crimes Minimum sentences were legislated for a variety of crimes with the net effect of eliminating the ability of the court to impose ldquohouse arrestrdquo
Conditional sentences of imprisonment
Better known as ldquohouse arrestrdquo this measure brought in over a decade ago was being imposed by the courts for ever more serious of-fenders and offences Many violent and dangerous offenders were allowed to serve their term of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo at home Justice and public safety were compro-mised by this provision Although the Bill that finally passed was watered down significantly by opposition party demands the end result was a tightening of the cir-cumstances under which a sen-tence of this kind could be given
ldquoAfter the initial public
release of the Martinrsquos
Hope report in the fall
of 2003 I knew that if
repairs were to be made
to the criminal justice
system advocacy would
have to be acceleratedrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 30
munity committees and inquiries including the Federal Inquiry pre-sided over by Justice Major into the Air India bombing
Moving forward We are delighted to report that John Muise our Director of Public Safety has recently received a Governor-in-council appointment as a full-time member of the Na-tional Parole Board effective in May of 2009 Although this is a big loss
for the CCAA we are thrilled for John and we know that he will bring the same com-mitment to public safety in that position as he did with the CCAA We wish him the very best in this new and challenging role
Much progress has been made in the past three years with
more anticipated The federal gov-ernment has signaled its intention to finish the work it started and attempt a further repeal of condi-tional sentences of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo They have also said that they in-tend on amending certain aspects of parole legislation and moving on tightening up security (including drug interdiction) in federal prisons
As we kick off 2009 the CCAA has the following priorities
Enhanced training for law enforcement off icers involved in chi ld abuse
investigations The introduction of provincial ldquosafe havenrdquo legislation that would pro-
vide a distressed mother who has given birth (within 72 hours) to take her baby to a place of safety (for example fire station police station hospital emergency) no questions asked and drop the baby off The purpose is to avoid the unthinkable mdash dumpster aban-donment murder at birth This legislation exists in all 50 of the United States but has yet to to be introduced in this country
Parole reform In addition the CCAA will work with partners on two parole and corrections recommendations They include legislating breach of parole as an offence for which a police officer has a power of arrest Com-plimentary to this the replacement of statutory release (automatic release after serving two thirds of a sentence) with regular earned parole Both recommendations were included in the final report of the Corrections Review Team and had been provided with others by the CCAA
We at the CCAA believe that much has been done on the criminal justice reform and public awareness front We are grateful for the pro-gress thus far and proud of the part we have played in moving the public safety agenda along
There is still much work to be done and the CCAA will step up to carry on this most important work
Selection of judges In recognition of the importance of the justice selection process the federal government has recently expanded the scope of people selected to sit on the regional Judicial Advisory Committees tasked with vetting potential ap-pointments and providing recom-mendations to the federal Attorney General and Minister of Justice for final selection Although still dominated by judges and lawyers a wider variety of voices and minds is now part of the selection proc-ess This is welcome news I am one of those voices I sit on one of the regional committees itrsquos an appointment we can all be proud of
Gun crime and other victim focused matters
Although outside the specific man-date of the CCAA (and not included in the Martinrsquos Hope report) in recognition of the impact on com-munities and particularly at risk children and youth the CCAA also appeared before the House of Commons Committee in support of mandatory minimum sentences for serious gun crimes and for amend-ments that tighten up the bail system for those charged with serious gun-related offences
In addition several crime victim supportive briefs were prepared for a number of safe school and com-
The CCAA (Continued from page 29)
ldquoWe at the CCAA hellip are
grateful for the progress
thus far and proud of
the part we have played
in moving the public
safety agenda alongrdquo
February 2009
Page 31
higher than its current statistical significance would suggest I would suggest itrsquos about one in four of the men I deal with 25 compared to the 16 suggested in the cur-rent literature If you allow for the fact that many of the men I work with have come from dysfunctional families that have been dysfunc-tional for generations the higher rate of incidence will hardly be surprising
I really had no idea when I started this job that I would have a head-
on collision with CSA No idea at all I was in my pre-survivor life My own past experi-ences were like a dormant volcano Sure some smoke would puff out every now and then for no readily apparent rea-son but no major eruption But as I heard more and more stories told by men in their own abyss of despair and self loath-ing things started to bubble within me
I remember the first man who disclosed to me He did not really intend to He started to tell part of a story and I just knew I just knew What he did say was part of an institutional abuse situa-tion that gained public awareness in the media After that story broke many men came forward as well to tell their story of how they too were abused as boys in a school
Inside
By Geeders (Jim)
W hen I was first asked to write about my experi-ences working in a jail I
wasnrsquot really sure what I could say about it Can I say this or should I say that Was it going to be really negative or show promise of better days ahead And what about me mdashthe new me mdash dealing with issues of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) at the same time as the men I see and work with How the hell was (or is) that going to work Well it is a work in progress after all and one that seems to evolve as I change and as I become more comfortable with my own sense of a new self
Let me begin by saying that there is nothing in this article that would meet the rigours of clinical dissection Equally important I do not work with sexual offenders What I am going to say is purely my experience based on personal observation No scientific analysis can be attributed to it apart from what we already know or suspect One in six men will have been sexually assaulted or abused by the time they are 18 It has long been opined that the number of abused men is actually
setting that was really a cover for juveniles in trouble with the law
The inmate I was working with did not come forward at that time He couldnrsquot His disclosure to me was the first time he had ever said anything about his abuse No one else knew mdash no one He was alone His pain was palpable and obvious His shame and guilt were profound Never had he admitted to himself what had happened in that school let alone admitted to a total stranger until that very moment I listened to his pain tried to console him just let him cry Eventually over the course of a couple of interviews it became obvious to me why he was in jail Any self-esteem that he had as a boy or young man was destroyed by his abuse His very essence was rewritten by the men who had abused him Teens get into trouble but they can also learn to later stay out of it by fol-lowing the teachings of those they trust But for this young man his ability to trust was destroyed by the very people who were sup-posed to care for him nurture him and dare I say it love him appro-priately What was even more tragic is that this man came from a cul-ture that has low tolerance for anything that even remotely resem-bles homosexuality
Being abused sent this man on a downward spiral that ultimately turned him into a drug addict by his own admission a junkie who hated himself for what ldquohe had
(Continued on page 32)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoOver the course of
several related careers I
have seen a lot of good
being done Irsquove also
seen a lot of ugliness
that even by todayrsquos
standards defies the
most common
sensibilities we have as
human beingsldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 32
donerdquo His shame and guilt and culture prevented him saying any-thing about what happened It cut him off from any legal action that might take place and removed any sort of financial compensation that he might gain as a result of his abuse It eventually cut him off from his own family because his drug abuse prevented him from working and supporting his wife and family It destroyed his ability to be a good dad and husband A few years later I saw him back in jail again
When I did encounter him again it was with an in-creased sense of awareness within me Every time a man disclosed to me that he had been sexually abused or assaulted I started to die inside A little piece of me just died every time a man said to me what I could not say to myself or anyone else That dormant volcano started to fume a bit more regularly
Over the course of several related careers I have seen a lot of good being done Irsquove also seen a lot of ugliness that even by todayrsquos standards defies the most common sensibilities we have as human beings It exists Itrsquos around every corner if we choose to look at it Along with the ugly we have the good We have people who are willing to take a stand and come forward to say to the world ldquoWe
Inside (Continued from page 31)
have a problem here itrsquos not going to go away and it needs to be fixedrdquo I had the good fortune to meet many of these people last year at a conference on male sex-ual victimization By then I had been able to learn from the men that I serve that perhaps I too could learn to tell someone Could I be a survivor too
Men in jail are there for a reason Whether itrsquos to protect society while they await trial or from
themselves or while sentenced they are here Whether I think they should be here is irrelevant They are usually at the end of their ropes Their lives are upside down and in turmoil They are frequently in withdrawal from illicit drug use They are in the bottom of a pit from which there does not appear to be an escape or refuge They are desperate and will act desperately
if needed They are angry and no longer have any control over their lives Someone has taken that control away from them They have no choice but to comply Failure to comply results in loss of privileges which can include being prohibited from contact with those they love the most Forced co-habitation with other men can evoke strong memories of prior abuse which they cannot deal with let alone understand It can be isolation
They are alone and cannot speak about their issues for fear of being discovered and further stigmatized and trau-matized by a peer group that cannot tolerate differences or diversity
I have been fortunate in that for some reason men trust me and feel safe and able to disclose And when they do you can see the relief on their faces They are scared for sure but it has always seemed to be a relief I have to ask them I have no choice because itrsquos part of my job But now as a survivor myself I can tell them they are not alone I cannot tell them about me but I can tell them they are not alone that they
are among the approximately one in six men who are assaulted or abused when they are boys or young men I can tell them about the few resources we have avail-able for men which are a 100 improvement compared to what they had when they first walked into my office I tell them about MaleSurvivor and have MS posters up in my office I can tell them that
ldquoTougher than lsquoNamrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 33
Maybe not I prefer to think that I have shown them that there is hope There is life in being a survi-vor they donrsquot have to be held hostage any longer by a secret that was put upon them by an abuser I prefer to think that I have been able to show them that they do not have to be ashamed for being male When I speak with them Irsquom a straight shooter I calls rsquoem as I sees lsquoem I use words they can understand mdash street language mdash which helps them understand their bodies and to understand that Mother Nature made them to be reactive and responsive I tell them that simply because their bodies reacted that their bodies re-sponded while being abused did not make the abuse their fault It takes a while to get there at times But the relief when the penny drops and they realize that they themselves were in no way respon-sible for the abuse is quite remark-able
Just this week Irsquove been working with a man who actually smiled when he came into my office He said ldquoI finally get it It wasnrsquot my faultrdquo He then went on to tell me that immediately prior to his at-tending in my office he had just disclosed to his sister while on the phone in his jail area surrounded by other inmates While it was perhaps not the safest venue for a disclosure he made his own deci-sion He said he was taking control As a 35 year old this man has not been in control since he was first abused at age seven Subsequent abuse only reinforced for him that he was an object a thing not worth anything Relationship after relationship failed him as he con-tinued to relive issues of abandon-
there are over 6000 people regis-tered at MS and that when they get out they will find tremendous support at the MS website I can tell them about Weekends of Re-covery without disclosing that attending a WOR was one of the best things I have done with my life They will know that they are no longer alone And not once has anyone asked me directly about me If they did I could not reply which in a round about way is a reply But I cannot reply Why The institution that I work in can be as intolerant of differences and diver-sity as the inmates are of each other The whole notion of male abuse and assault simply does not exist It is not spoken of It will not be spoken of mdash until now
Because abuse is now spoken of I have been able to create a support network for inmates and for myself Itrsquos a small step but a step never-theless Itrsquos spoken of now at a level never before reached in terms of official support and direction Support has yet to be defined but I have a mandate now to do a better job for male survivors Itrsquos on paper Itrsquos my goal
Safety of all concerned has to remain first and foremost mdash safety for the inmate safety for me With inmates disclosing to me often for the first time I am struck by what happens next A huge can of worms is opened And for what There is little safety here little opportunity to follow up The court system tosses these men around like dice One day they are here the next they are God knows where Have I done something that perhaps I shouldnrsquot have Maybe
ment physical and sexual abuse sexual orientation confusion anger management substance abuse domestic violence self respect low self esteem boundaries mdash these and much more impact upon this man daily But hersquos making a start Itrsquos another chance We all need them
I would be remiss to not mention the support of my colleagues Some of them do know about me and they have been tremendously supportive and understanding They too share a belief that it is possible for men to become survivors I cannot imagine doing this work everyday without their ongoing support I love you guys
The resources I refer to are few the Menrsquos Project in Ottawa The Gate-house in Toronto as well as local sexual assault centres I discovered on my own road to recovery that our local sexual assault centre does in fact offer services to men but does not advertise this due to the fear of being inundated with refer-rals They simply are not equipped to handle what surely lies out in my community When the report of the Cornwall Inquiry comes out later this year it is my belief that it will force our government our society to re-examine how its treatment of boys and men is provided Hope-fully those who are like I was feeling alone fearful uncomfortable in their own skin will feel more enabled to come forward to shed that skin that was put on them by their abuser(s) and step out of the ordinary letting their souls ascend and become free
Vol 2 No 2
Page 34
A History of Male Survi-vor Services in Queacutebec
and First Nations Communities
By Caroline Benamza (dance and drama therapistpsychotherapist at CRIPHASE)
And by Benoicirct St Jean (Director of CRIPHASE)
Contact Tel +1-514-529-55-67 Email infocriphaseorg
Website wwwcriphaseorg
T he latest statistics in Queacutebec show that one out of every six men has been sexually
abused before the age of 18 but there are very few statistics regard-ing male survivors and this estima-tion is only based on reported abuse Most adult men or boys who are survivors go unnoticed because most of the services in Queacutebec are exclusively for women In 2008 the male population in Queacutebec was about 3800000 of which about 3000000 are above 20 years of age (from the Institut de la Statistique) Therefore we can estimate that in Queacutebec there are around 500000 male survivors actually visible within the different health care services justice system and police departments The num-ber is already frightening for a seemingly peaceful society like Queacutebec When it comes to Native American communities as many as 80 of boys have been sexually abused before the age of 18 This number is quite similar mdash but for different reasons mdash to the male population within the Federal or Provincial prisons
The reality of male survivors of sexual abuse in childhood has remained in the dark for years in Queacutebec and it is only in the last four years that the government has acknowledged the necessity of funding counseling services for male survivors Historically it can be explained The first services for survivors have been developed since the 1960s within the very strong Queacutebeacutecois feminist move-ments The women have built along the years a strong network of ser-vices for female vic-tims of sexual abuse and domestic vio-lence Today these services still exist as the CALACS (Centres dAide et de Lutte contre les Agressions agrave Caractegravere Sexuel = Sexual Assault Cen-tres) network for survivors of sexual abuse Due to a strong belief in pro-viding a safe haven for women survivors men were turned away from these services and had nowhere to go Only two survivorsrsquo centres in the Montreal area outside the CALACS network welcomed men but those men represent only 5 of clients
This situation became obvious when the CAVAC (Centre drsquoAide pour les Victime drsquoActes Criminels = Crime Victims Assistance Centres) started to provide counseling ser-
vices to victims of criminal acts who wished to press charges and go through a court procedure The first services in Queacutebec for male survivors therefore came from a strong need in the society In 1996 the CAVAC decided to fund an experimental program directed by Denis Reneacute to offer a support group for male survivors This program was named the PHASE Groups (Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = For Men Sexually Abused in Child-
hood) With the suc-cess of these first groups between 1996 and 1997 the CAVAC of Montreal tried to secure funding for the continuation of services Unfortu-nately the PHASE Groups suffered from the double status it carried within the government the Minister of Justice that was the main funder of the CAVAC refused to fund a counseling service supposedly to be funded by the Health Minister Later the Health Minister turned down the
funding because as part of CAVAC the program should have been funded by the Minister of Justice
So it was in 1997 that Denis Reneacute decided to secure the future of the PHASE Groups by registering them
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoWhen it comes to
Native American
communities as many
as 80 of boys have
been sexually abused
before the age of 18
This number is quite
similarmdashbut for different
reasonsmdashto the male
population within the
Federal or Provincial
prisonsrdquo
February 2009
Page 35
intimacy and sexuality issues) and PHASE Artistique (a 10 weeks art and movement therapy program) with a holistic approach to body and mind recovery
In 2008 the very first weekend of recovery (named PHASE Weekend) was created and CRIPHASE wishes to make the weekend an annual event In 2003 for the first time
CRIPHASE became a full member of the Table de Concertation en Agressions Sexuelles (a gathering of several organizations providing services to survivors in addition to representatives from the Justice the Health Minister and the police) This cooperation allows a better understanding of survivor issues and needs as well as a better coor-
within a non-profit organization that took the name CRIPHASE (Centre de Resources et drsquointervention Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = Resource and Intervention Centre for Men who have been Sexually Abused in Childhood) For 10 years the Groups have survived on pri-vate funding and have provided two recovery Groups called PHASE 1 and PHASE 2 Each PHASE is a 10-week program serving non-offending male survivors over 18 years of age and of all sexual orienta-tions With its first public funding in 2004 of $38000 a director was en-gaged by the board of administration and in 2008 the PSOC (a funding body within the agency of Health and Social Services) fi-nally secured the future of CRIPHASE with a first major funding rooting CRIPHASE in the circle of sexual abuse survivors centres
Since 2006 CRIPHASE has devel-oped a major politics of visibility through the media conferences and meetings with the different actors of the Queacutebeacutecois stage Three more programs have been developed within CRIPHASE PHASE Conjoint (for partners of male survivors) PHASE Sexo (a 10 weeks program of recovery focusing on
dination of services on the ground From within the Table CRIPHASE has been able to educate people on the issue of male survivors and participate or initiate projects such as the Information Guide for Sexual Assault Victims and the first pre-vention mobilization and aware-ness march for sexual abuse survi-vors in 2008 The presence of CRIPHASE at the Table has also
allowed the feminists within the CALACS to have a better under-standing of the suffer-ing of male survivors who are also victims in their own way of an old patriarchal system CRIPHASE was also finally incorporated in the CALACS coordina-tion groupmdashcalled Table des CALACS mdash in 2008
Until 2008 there were no services provided in English (Queacutebec is a French-speaking province where Eng-lish speakers are a minority) due to lack of funding to translate the PHASE 1 docu-ments and employ English-speaking therapists The project
to offer groups in English had been put aside for years but finally in 2008 the first groups of PHASE 1 and 2 opened for English speakers The PHASE Artistique and PHASE Weekend are now bilingual pro-grams
(Continued on page 36)
Phone calls received at CRIPHASE
male survivors
therapists
relatives and loved ones
other
The average male survivor using the services at CRIPHASE is aged between 35 and 55
Vol 2 No 2
Page 36
Male survivors in the Native American
communities Recovery programs within Native American communities are only starting Many Native American men were sexually abused as well as psychologically and emotionally abused when they were sent to boarding schools across the province for assimila-tion The effects of this traumatic experience (including historic trauma) can be seen in all First Nations of Queacutebec Algonquians Cris Innus Abenakis Innuits Micmacs and so forth Today there is a strong need of heal-ing for this lost gen-eration but traumatic experiences and con-sequences have been passed on to the next generations Unfortu-nately sexual abuse is one of these problems which need to be addressed through prevention and coun-seling in a way that will integrate Native American traditions and their holistic ap-proach to medicine Such programs already exist within some communi-ties Organizations like GRIPMA (Groupe de Recherches et dInter-ventions Psychosociales en Milieu Autochtone = Research and Inter-vention group in Aboriginal Com-munities) located in the Huron
History of Male Survivor Services (Continued from page 35)
community of Wendake (near Queacute-bec city) provide a clinical expertise in intervention within Native Ameri-can communities On the other side the Aboriginal Healing Foun-dation based in Ottawa is currently funding 16 recovery projects for the First Nations in Queacutebec ad-dressing sexual abuse addiction prevention of suicide boarding schools trauma etc until 2010
Last year the publication of the five-year funding plan on sexual abuse by the provincial govern-ment of Queacutebec has seen the recognition of male survivors as a population in great need of ser-vices It has also recognized the necessity of providing services to the First Nations communities
Things are changing in Queacutebec for male survivors Because CRIPHASE is the only organization providing support and counseling to men in Queacutebec who have been sexually abused in childhood there is great hope for an increase of funding this year The constant develop-ment of CRIPHASE and the increase in phone calls and numbers of guys within the services (in 2008-
2009 there will be seven groups of PHASE 1 in-stead of five the year before) also show that men in Queacutebec are get-ting the right information on sexual abuse and services and are being encouraged to look for help and engage in re-covery
If you are one of these men in Queacutebec we are waiting for your call Remember you are not alone
For the annual march event please visit wwwmarchevasca (Information for the May 2009 march will be on line from February 2009)
Quilt Square by a Native Child from Alberta From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 37
MaleSurvivor is men surviving sexual abuse in Canada we will start with Canadarsquos sad legacy of abuse of children by clergy
A Brief Incomplete Canadian History
In Canada our First Nations People have had to bear the legacy of abuse they endured in Canadarsquos notorious residential schools Cur-rent issues of addictions and family and mental health problems amongst our First Nations people can be traced back to the legacy of abuse experienced by Native chil-dren in residential schools
Around 1874 the federal government began working with the churches (Catholic Anglican United and Presbyte-rian) to set up the Residential School System as a means to suppress Native cul-ture and promote assimilation In gen-eral children between the ages of five and 16 were taken from their parents and sent to church-run residen-tial schools The extent of the abuse in these church-run schools has been referred to as the ldquoCanadian Holocaustrdquo Recently the Canadian Government formed the Truth and Reconciliation Commis-sion (TRC) as part of the court-approved Indian Residential Schools Settlement Agreement The
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious
Leader By Nancy N Mayer MSW RSW
Partner Crisci amp Mayer Consultation Counselling and
Training Toronto wwwckmconsultationcom
Introduction
L ikely all the readers of this newsletter have knowledge and expertise about men
being physically sexually and emotionally abused Research tells us that abusers can come from any
walk of life and most often are known to the child or adult In the last decade abuse by clergy has finally ldquocome out of the closetrdquo so to
speak thanks to those brave survi-vors who have made public their experiences of being abused by clergy More than ever survivor groups are encouraging victims to report these crimes to the police and to consider seeking civil re-dress for their injuries Many groups believe that change in churches will only come when they are held accountable for the abuse perpetrated by clergy
This article will attempt to address the distinctive issues that are com-mon to this population of survivors Because the focus of this issue of
purpose of the commission is not to determine guilt or innocence but to create an historical account of the residential schools help people to heal and encourage reconciliation between Aboriginal and non-aboriginal Canadians
The notorious Mount Cashel Or-phanage is another Canadian leg-acy of sexual abuse by clergy This facility was operated in Newfound-land by the Christian Brothers More than a dozen priests were convicted after decades of abusing young boys at the orphanage
Mount Cashel Or-phanage closed in 1989 just six months after allegations of sexual physical and emotional abuse were published by the media (For more in depth information see Harris Michael Unholy Orders Trag-edy at Mount Cashel Ontario Viking Press 1990)
Like the US there have been hundreds and perhaps thou-sands of cases of children and vulner-
able adults abused by clergy in every religious denomination Unlike the US our country is not bound as strictly by statutes of limitations so lawsuits can proceed more freely Our sentences for convicted clerical sex offenders are
(Continued on page 38)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Nancy N Mayer
ldquo[First Nations] children
between the ages of five
and 16 were taken from
their parents and sent to
church-run residential
schools The extent of
the abuse in these
church-run schools has
been referred to as the
lsquoCanadian Holocaustrsquoldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 38
nowhere near as severe as those of our American neighbours Most first offenders will not serve a day in jail The civil awards for personal inju-ries are also quite low Our court system promotes set-tling these cases out of court When a case fails to go to trial it is not part of the public re-cord The widespread use of confidentiality orders media fatigue and Canadian reserve means that it is impos-sible to obtain accurate statistics on how often men are abused by clergy or even the ex-tent of the problem in this country
The Authority of Rel igious Leaders Religious organizations have always played a central role in our so-cieties They provide moral ethical and spiritual guidance Reli-gious teachings have given us a context and meaning for our lives Most religious belief revolves around a divine power or God Religious leaders (ministers priests rabbis elders nuns) are thought to be Godrsquos earthly repre-sentatives and are treated with reverence and respect They have intimate involvement with families and children at such vulnerable times as an illness death or other family crises They may have access
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 37)
to confidential information by virtue of their roles of confessor or counsellor A child brought up by religious parents is taught to re-spect these men and women Oth-ers associated with churches mdash choir leaders teachers cantors youth group leaders mdash are also considered trustworthy by virtue of their close
association with their religious organizations Most parents en-courage their childrenrsquos participa-tion in church-based activities believing them to be safe and wholesome
These leaders are considered to be esteemed authorities and as repre-sentatives of God wield a great deal of power Depending on the faith group there may be teachings
that support an unquestioning adherence to their instructions and guidance This makes children and vulnerable adults particularly sus-ceptible to exploitation by this group because they have access opportunity and trust
Misuse of Power Perpetrators can utilize their positions of power and trust to gain access to their victims some-times for extended periods of uninterrupted time They may tell children that they are being asked to ldquoserve Godrdquo or that they or their families will be punished if they do not do as instructed Chil-dren may be threatened with eternal damnation or blamed for leading the religious leader into sin If the religion con-siders premarital sex or same sex contacts as sinful the guilt will be compounded
In most cases the victim will not disclose or may disclose but not be
believed A child will have a difficult time convincing adults that he or she has been victimized The vic-timrsquos family culture or communi-ties have been socialized to see their religious leaders as unques-tionably good and incapable of lies This can lead to others denying or minimizing the victimrsquos experience of abuse The victim is initially harmed by the abuser and then is revictimized by those who cannot
ldquoMay Hope be Passed through Every Handrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 39
institutionrsquos response and lack of compassion and pastoral care
The Impact on Spir ituality
The frequently used term ldquosoul murderrdquo aptly describes what hap-pens when the abuser is a religious leader When the response of the religious institu-tion to a disclosure of abuse is experienced as self-serving and uncaring the survivor will likely lose his faith in the religious community of which he has been a part To belong and to feel connected is a basic human need When abused by clergy the loss of connection and belonging to what may have been a spiritual anchor can be devastating
To compound the harm the abuse may have occurred in a religious building The abuser may have worn traditional cleri-cal attire or may have made religious or biblical refer-ences As a result being exposed to religious symbols music or any other reminder can trigger flashbacks and other uncomfortable physical symptoms
The cleric is often considered Godrsquos representative on earth This gives the cleric power that surpasses his position and status When abuse is at the hands of a minister nun
accept that their spiritual leaders are capable of abuse There are many stories of clergy abuse survi-vors being abandoned by their religious communities (who side with the cleric) and their families who cannot face leaving the church that has given their lives meaning and comfort The resultant feelings of betrayal and abandonment are profound
The Role of the Religious Inst itutions
When religious institutions hold themselves up as ethical compasses and arbitrators of right and wrong society has an expectation that church leaders will act in a fair and moral way Many US Commissions and Grand Juries and Canadian reports such as the Winter Com-mission Report (Archdiocese of St Johns Newfoundland Canada 1990) Child Abuse in Community Institutions and Organizations and Improving Public and Professional Understanding (prepared for the Law Commission of Canada) all record and explain the dynamics that have lead to the failure of religious institutions to protect our children
While it is well known that any institution mdash educational recrea-tional or spiritual mdash is not immune from having sex offenders in its midst the religious institutions have a particular legacy of protect-ing the institution through aggres-sive legal tactics versus truth telling and reconciliation Many victims state that they have been less wounded by the actual abuse and profoundly more damaged by the
priest rabbi minister or elder the recipient of the abuse may experi-ence profound guilt for ldquoparticipatingrdquo in ldquosinfulrdquo behaviour mdash a mistaken belief that he is respon-sible for the abuse or shame that
he has ldquosinnedrdquo He may believe he is deserving of rejection or eternal damnation If he confesses he risks exposing the cleric who has likely done what he could to trick the victim into believing that he must maintain silence and secrecy One survivor describes feeling that rdquoIt was like being abused by God him-self If even God couldnrsquot love me how could anyone else ever love merdquo
These factors alone can leave a man who has been abused by clergy unable to find comfort and solace in what used to be his spiritual beliefs and his church Without these familiar beliefs the survivor is aban-
doned and alone when he most needs support
The Role of Gender While woman are ordained in some denominations there is still an imbalance of power between men and women in many religious tradi-tions For boys and men abused by male clerics embarrassment and
(Continued on page 40)
ldquoThe frequently used
term lsquosoul murderrsquo aptly
describes what happens
when the abuser is a
religious leader When
the response of the
religious institution to a
disclosure of abuse is
experienced as self-
serving and uncaring
the survivor will likely
lose his faith in the
religious community of
which he has been
a partrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 40
concerns of how they will be per-ceived promote silence For the boy or man abused by a female cleric there may be worries that he will be labelled the seducer or pres-sured to consider this ldquorelationshiprdquo as non-abusive
The study conducted by the John Jay Col-lege of Criminal Jus-tice regarding The Nature and Scope of the Problem of Sexual Abuse of Minors by Priests and Deacons in the Catholic Church (Washington DC USCCB 2004) found some very disturbing information about the age and gender of victims The largest group of reported victims (509) was between the ages of 11 and 14 273 of victims were 15 to 17 16 were eight to 10 and nearly 6 were under age seven Overall 81 of vic-tims were male and 19 female Male victims tended to be older than female victims Over 40 of all victims were males between the ages of 11 and 14
The largest group of reported victims in this study consisted of boys who were entering puberty This is a tumultuous time in most
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 39)
young menrsquos lives To have this period of development disrupted can contribute to many mental health problems including lack of confidence disruption of emo-tional sexual and psycho-social development isolation sexual identity confusion depression anxiety and abuse of substances
In Summary The harm experienced by those
who are abused by clergy is profound and multifaceted Some therapists will not want to work with survivors of clergy abuse due to the complexity of their issues their limited knowledge of the subject area possible religious biases and potential for litigation Most (but certainly not all) survivors will have experienced revictimization by their churches or religious institutions This compounded by abuse by a religious leader in a position of power will under-standably lead to unique challenges Survivors will have
significant trust issues that can impede the forming of a trusting therapeutic relationship with a therapist who will also be in a position of power and may be an employee of an institution With transparency and skill on the part of the therapist and tenacity on the part of the survivor effective thera-
peutic partnership can be achieved While recovery is difficult it is possible
The irony is that many survivors of abuse by clergy have a strong sense of integrity morality and perseverance They learned the lessons that the ldquoreligiousrdquo offend-ers failed to learn At the core of their beings these clergy abuse survivors are the prophets who have come to speak the truth and reveal the abuse and the decep-tions It is this desire for social justice truth telling belonging and connection that will allow a healthy spiritual belief system to rise out of the ashes of what has happened It is this healthy spiritual belief that makes many clergy abuse survivors persistent and tenacious in seeking recovery and social justice They are making a difference and chang-ing the world as we know it
ldquoThe harm experienced
by those who are
abused by clergy is
profound and
multifaceted Some
therapists will not want
to work with survivors
of clergy abuse due to
the complexity of their
issues their limited
knowledge of the
subject area possible
religious biases and
potential for litigationldquo
February 2009
Page 41
tion of it earlier in the lsquo90s but 1997 is when there was a critical mass of mostly male survivors coming forward and taking action against Maple Leaf Gardens Your question specifically was ldquoDid it play a role in my choice of ca-reersrdquo
MS Yes
SJ Yes and no The Maple Leaf
Gardens cases were not my first sexual assault cases but my in-volvement in these cases solidified my interest and desire to help sur-vivors
MS Could you take a few minutes to explain to our readers just what the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal was and why it has played a central role in revealing the extent of sex-ual abuse at least in the Toronto area
of my clients will say something like ldquoYou know this is not about the money I donrsquot care how much I get this is about something elserdquo And whatever that person seeks mdash an apology or the empowerment of filing a lawsuit or a million other unique things mdash that is why I do this kind of work Itrsquos about helping people through whatever process they need in order to begin that healing process the moving forward process
MS And also to provide your clients with a sense of justice
SJ Absolutely Justice is really not about the money itrsquos about the knowledge that theyrsquove come forward theyrsquove done something and theyrsquove empowered themselves It takes a tre-mendous amount of courage to do that I am always in awe of my cli-ents for the amount of courage they have They are my inspiration
MS Many Americans are unaware of the so-called Maple Leaf Gar-dens sex scandal that began some-time in the 1960s but didnrsquot come to wide public attention until 1997 the year after you began practicing law Did this scandal have some affect on your choice of career
SJ Actually the scandal did come to prominence before 1997 There was scattered media atten-
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 1)
SJ Sure There was a series of men who were employed at Maple Leaf Gardens which was the home of the Toronto Maple Leafs mdash the hockey club mdash who over a period of a couple of decades sexually abused probably hundreds of chil-dren It started in the lsquo60s it went on we believe until the early lsquo80s There were two principal men in-volved but there were at least three
others who also were ac-cused In order to under-stand why the Maple Leaf Gardens sex scandals are as important as they are you have to understand that hockey in Toronto and hockey in Canada is almost a religion Hockey is to Canadians what the NFL or Major League Baseball is to Americans Every little boy dreams of about becoming the next Wayne Gretzky becoming the best hockey player he can be Maple Leaf Gar-dens was the home of one of the best loved and biggest hockey teams mdash the Toronto Maple Leafs The Gardens was the high
temple of hockey in Canada and still is In the lsquo60s lsquo70s and even the lsquo80s children mdash mostly boys mdash would go to Maple Leaf Gardens usually unaccompanied by their parents because back then nobody really thought that anything bad would happen to them at the Gar-dens The boys would go there ei-ther for practice games or to watch the Maple Leafs play or more likely they would go to watch To-
(Continued on page 42)
ldquoMaple Leaf Gardens in Memory of Martin Kruzerdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 42
ronto Marlies games The Marlies were the farm team for the Toronto Maple Leafs During these games and these practices the pedophiles who worked at the Gardenrsquos would often befriend these boys seeking out boys who were more vulner-able than others most likely and would sexually assault the boys sometimes off-property but most often within the Gardens itself They would use their position as employees of the Gardens to be able to say to the boys if you come with me Irsquoll get you a broken hockey stick or hockey puck or Irsquoll get you into better seats the next game or whatever other type of inducement would be necessary to get the boys to go with them into either a washroom or a training room or other private place where the boys would be sexually abused
In 1997 there were about 50 or 60 cases all joined to-gether and Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Entertainment Ltd wanted to settle all the cases prior to the Toronto Maple Leafs moving into a new hockey rink called the Air Canada Center so as to have a clean slate at the new rink By and large a lot of the litigation was fin-ished before the team moved into the Air Canada Center but not all of it In fact there are probably 17 or 19 cases going through the court
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 41)
system today more than 10 years after the original large group of plaintiffs went through the court and I believe that new people will continue to come forward when they are strong enough
MS I understand that one of the principal plaintiffs in the case Mar-tin Kruze had settled with the owners or the operators of the Ma-ple Leaf Gardens in 1995 and that he signed a confidentiality agree-ment not to reveal the settlement
or perhaps even the details of what had happened to him Do you think that the confidentiality agree-ment Mr Kruze agreed to slowed down or hindered the full exposure of this scandal
SJ I think that any confidentiality agreement blocks public access to knowledge and to understanding so I do suspect that Martinrsquos confi-dentiality agreement did have some impact on the scandal re-
maining hidden for as long as it did Absolutely yes I believe that confidentiality agreements are in-herently difficult for plaintiffs be-cause they create and continue a cycle of secrecy Sexual assault is a crime that is almost always carried out in secret and the guilt and shame it produces is key in helping pedophiles maintain their hold over their victims Putting a confidential-ity agreement on a settlement just perpetuates the guilt and the shame
MS Unfortunately Martin Kruzersquos principal perpetrator received a shockingly light sen-tence for all his actions and I understand that this led to Martin com-mitting suicide shortly afterwards
SJ I would think that the perpetratorrsquos sentence was a part of why Martin chose to end his life yes It hap-pened relatively shortly after the sentencing and I suspect that it weighed heavily on Martinrsquos decision
MS Do you think that the sen-tence that the perpetrator received was a reflection of the then current attitude towards pedophiles and sexual abuse
SJ The sentence that the perpe-trator received was a reflection on the way that the Canadian justice system deals with criminals regard-ing personal crimes absolutely It was a very low sentence in keep-
Imants Kruze visiting his sonrsquos memorial quilt square in the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 43
obtain here versus how much they can obtain in the United States In the United States there is no cap for pain and suffering awards whereas here in Canada there is a very small cap mdash about $325000 If a survivor of sexual assault goes through the court system and even if they have a very good day in court in terms of compensation yoursquore probably looking at an award for dam-ages somewhere be-tween $200000 and $500000 Sometimes itrsquos actually less than $200000 and very very rarely more than $500000 so in that sense we are defi-nitely behind But I donrsquot think itrsquos a question of waiting 10 years to see if we ldquocatch uprdquo I think itrsquos just a fundamental difference in how our court system works and whatrsquos available to survivors in terms of compensation
If you mean that Canada is 10 years behind in dealing with other aspects of sexual assault then you are probably correct in terms of media attention public awareness and outrage Sexual assault is still largely an unreported unprose-cuted crime But things are getting better every day and as more and more survivors come forward posi-tive changes will continue to hap-pen
MS As Irsquom sure you know therersquos periodic discussion about tort re-
ing with what was handed out at the time and to a large extent itrsquos still in keeping with what is handed out right now
MS Are you still representing or have you represented anyone who is a plaintiff in this scandal
SJ I was very much involved in the core group of Maple Leaf Gar-dens survivors that came forward in 1997 I was on what was called the plaintiffsrsquo committee back then which was a group of a few lawyers who brought the litigation forward I represented a number of plaintiffs in the original group that came forward I have also represented quite a few men throughout the last 10 years and currently repre-sent two men in the last group of plaintiffs to come forward I have also been approached by at least two other men who may decide to pursue litigation
MS Dale English mdash who has spo-ken to you at some length mdash has said to me that either you or he or both of you have felt that Canada is perhaps 10 or more years behind the US in dealing with the issues of sexual abuse and sexual assault Could you elaborate on that com-ment
SJ I think it depends on what you mean by dealing with the is-sues If you mean dealing with the issues in terms of bringing civil cases forward to a certain extent we are behind One of the funda-mental differences between the United States and Canada is the way that our tort systems operate and specifically the amount of compensation that tort victims can
form in the United States mainly aimed at capping punitive dam-ages Irsquom wondering whether there is the mirror of that in Canada mdash whether therersquos any movement to-wards tort reform that would allow greater awards to victims
SJ Well there is and there isnrsquot In Canada itrsquos very difficult if not
impossible to get pu-nitive damages espe-cially if therersquos a criminal conviction The punitive damages that are available in Canada are very low A typical punitive damage award would be $20000 or $25000 - usually not much more than that So damages are quite restricted here in any event In terms of tort reform I think there is a global push by in-surance companies to
try to limit compensation whether in the States or here The things that the American Association of Justice are fighting for down in the States are the same things that the Ontario Trial Lawyers Association are fighting for here mdash the continued ability to sue for compensation un-hampered by legislative roadblocks benefitting powerful institutional defendants to the detriment of those who have suffered Ours is a much smaller playing field and therefore less money is at stake In terms of plaintiffsrsquo lawyers wersquore trying to maximize the compensa-tion that we can get for our client Every time we go to court we try
(Continued on page 44)
ldquoIf you mean that
Canada is 10 years
behind in dealing with
other aspects of sexual
assault then you are
probably correct in
terms of media
attention public
awareness and outrageldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 44
to get a higher damage award so that that case will be a building block for future cases There are always attempts to try to circum-vent the cap on pain and suffering damages that we have Itrsquos not an easy thing to do the cap has been in place in Canada for 32 years now It was put in place in 1977 by the Supreme Court of Canada and itrsquos unlikely to be overturned any-time soon Even though from a purely theoretical legal analysis that cap does not apply to pain and suffering damages for victims of sexual assault and sexual abuse the reality is that judges still use that cap as a high water mark even though it doesnrsquot formally apply mdash it is still a de facto cap and to be honest with you it is almost impos-sible to get anywhere near that cap for compensation for pain and suf-fering A typical pain and suffering award in Canada for childhood sex-ual abuse is somewhere between $100000 and $200000 Anything on top of that would be associated economic loss or care costs
MS Itrsquos quite unfortunate that even though therersquos no real cap the law behaves as if there were one
SJ Yep I couldnrsquot agree with you more Itrsquos very unfortunate
MS I understand that in 2005 the government of Ontario convened whatrsquos known as the Cornwall Pub-lic Inquiry Was the Inquiry con-vened to address the issues of sex-ual abuse and sexual assault and
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 43)
the way the justice system is han-dling it
SJ Thatrsquos probably one of the reasons the Inquiry was convened Thatrsquos one of the hopes The In-quiry was convened because of what was going on in a little city east of Toronto mdash a series of allega-tions against very prominent mem-bers of that community involving the sexual abuse of children over a period of many many years The idea behind the Inquiry is to try to figure out what happened and to put in place some recommenda-tions that will not only stop some-thing like the abuse in Cornwall from happening again but will also try to help those who were affected by the events in the first place And to some extent I think some good will come of the Inquiry Hopefully the recommendations will be good for survivors of childhood sexual abuse or any kind of sexual assault The Submission phase of the In-quiry officially ended late February 2009
MS Did you have the opportunity to testify before the Inquiry
SJ I did not personally testify before the Inquiry Testimony was generally limited to the people ac-tually involved mdash police officers vic-tims what not I was involved in the Inquiry with regards to a panel discussionroundtable that they had regarding the use of confiden-tiality agreements
MS As you probably know Male-Survivor was first founded in the early 1980s by a group of thera-pists who were concerned about support for victims of childhood
sexual abuse and although Male-Survivor is still not a very large or-ganization it has increased its in-fluence significantly over the years and Irsquom wondering whether there is a similar non-profit or other group in Canada that also is dedi-cated to helping victims of child-hood sexual abuse
SJ There are some grass roots organizations that deal with victims of childhood sexual abuse or adult sexual assault I donrsquot believe there is as cohesive a unit as MaleSurvi-vor I may be wrong on that but there are smaller more community based organizations that assist sur-vivors That being said resources available to survivors are unfortu-nately pretty limited
MS Is that because there are too few therapists in that form of prac-tice
SJ I think itrsquos a mixture of many different things First of all Canada has a much smaller population base mdash 30 million people as com-pared to 300 million in the United States mdash so you have significantly fewer people affected and there-fore you have significantly fewer resources available to those people The services that we do have will often have very long waiting lists before people can access them There are some very very good counselors in Canada assisting sur-vivors but unfortunately the waiting lists are sometimes long and the availability for public funding to provide services free of charge is somewhat limited
MS Is there anything in your opinion about the Canadian health
February 2009
Page 45
system that contributes to the scar-city of services
SJ I donrsquot know if itrsquos the Cana-dian health system I think that in Canada we have a pretty good public health system in the sense that anybody who needs medical services can access those services free of charge The problem is that a lot of these services are not covered under our health system per se Many are covered under either private plans or pay as you go type services and itrsquos just a question of finding the people who can provide these services and being lucky enough to get them when they either donrsquot have a waiting list or other-wise having to wait until your name comes up on that waiting list
MS And that could takes years in some cases it seems
SJ My understanding is that those waiting lists can be quite long but there are very good peo-ple out there Itrsquos just a question of finding them and being able to afford them
MS Can you elaborate on other differences between the US and Canada that affect the way survi-vors and perpetrators are treated by the legal system and the media
SJ The differences between Can-ada and the US are really huge On the surface Americans and Canadi-ans look pretty much the same dress the same talk the same eat the same foods and by and large watch the same TV but culturally there is a huge difference in the way we look at the world in the
way our legal system works and the way that people interact with one another
Americans are much more litigious by na-ture I think this is due to the fact that in the United States mdash at least as seen from the outside mdash the rights of the individual are paramount In Can-ada less so Canada is much more commu-nity-oriented We of-tentimes think about how something is going to affect others instead of looking at what an individual might be entitled to I think that the high
damage awards available through the American legal system are beneficial in sexual abuse cases as is the lack of a cap on awards which we have
In some ways though our legal system is much better for my cli-ents than the US system would be because of the way that our actual process works One of the things that I know is very damaging to a lot of plaintiffs in the United States is the whole discovery process tak-
ing depositions Depositions can go on for a huge number of days and pretty much everybody in the per-sonrsquos life can be called to give a deposition That is very troubling and painful for people who donrsquot necessarily want others to know about their abuse or donrsquot want to involve their family Here in Canada depositions mdash or what we call the examination for discovery mdash are lim-ited to the actual named parties in the lawsuit The defendant and the plaintiff are examined for discovery or deposed if you will Anyone who is not an actual party to the litiga-tion can only be discovered under court orders and itrsquos very difficult to get those court orders so in that sense itrsquos a much quicker cleaner process and less intrusive on some-onersquos life So that is probably a good thing
The other really huge difference between the two systems which I think does in fact impact on why a lot of these cases settle as opposed to going to court and oftentimes settle for very different amounts of money than they would if they went to court is that in Canada we have a ldquoloser paysrdquo system If you go to court and you lose you have to pay at least a portion of the fees incurred by the other side Letrsquos say the defendantrsquos settlement offer is $100000 If the plaintiff does not accept that $100000 and at trial the plaintiff gets $99000 then the plaintiff has to pay the lawyerrsquos fees of the defendant because the award is less than the settlement offer That is very difficult That means that a lot of cases are set-tled for probably less money than
(Continued on page 46)
ldquoOn the surface
Americans and
Canadians look pretty
much the same hellip but
culturally there is a
huge difference in the
way we look at the
world in the way our
legal system works and
the way that people
interact with one
anotherldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 46
MS I join you in that hope Any-thing that can advance the cause of not only helping people but also helping prevent further abuses is always going to be welcome If you could set forth a vision of how you would like to see the law and the therapeutic community in Canada evolve to handle matters of child-
hood sexual abuse and sexual assault mdash if you could influence the reform of institu-tions what would your vision be
SJ Oh Richard Wow Well first and foremost I would love to raise public aware-ness of this issue for various reasons I think that increased public awareness will not necessarily reduce the instances of abuse but will help improve how abuse is dealt with when itrsquos ongoing and after-wards Itrsquos very im-portant that when a child is hurt that
child knows that he can go to peo-ple for help and support All too often if kids get up enough cour-age to tell someone the reaction they get is not very positive I think that with increased public aware-ness hopefully people will under-stand that there are ways to deal with this that will decrease the amount of harm so public aware-ness is paramount
I would like the legal system to raise compensation awards for sur-
turning point in bringing to the publicrsquos attention that the sexual assault of children can happen does happen and itrsquos a very diffi-cult thing for anyone to go through whether theyrsquore little boys or grown men that were abused as children It brought childhood sex-ual abuse out of the shadows to a certain extent The scandal still garners media attention as new survivors come forward but not the same as it did 10 years ago
MS Would you say that the lack of inves-tigative reporting is a cultural phenomenon or is it that the news-papers donrsquot feel they have that role
SJ Oh no Canadian newspapers do feel that they have a role in investigating things but for whatever rea-son sexual abuse of children has not been a priority The Cana-dian media really has not been at the forefront of this issue the way the media in the United States has been and I think that is tremen-dously disappointing The lack of media attention means that we arenrsquot fostering the awareness within the public that we need in order to provide real help and ser-vices for survivors We need the mediarsquos help to bring this horrific crime to light and to help stop it from happening
they would get if they went to court because that risk of going to court and not getting at least the amount of the original offer weighs heavily on everyone Our system is designed and geared toward avoid-ing trials which can be good be-cause nobody really wants to go through a trial but can be bad be-cause people become very intimi-dated by the prospect of losing or not getting as much as the settle-ment offer and being indebted to the defendant for a lot of money Thatrsquos a scary scary thing to go through
With regards to the media the US has a media that by and large has helped out a lot with sexual abuse cases The whole issue of clergy abuse really started with investiga-tive reporting by the Boston Globe right
MS Right
SJ They really took that issue and just ran with it Here in Canada we really havenrsquot had the same kind of investigative media cover-age as yoursquove had which is why events like the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal are not as huge as they are down in the States
Before Martin Kruze committed sui-cide the media was only somewhat interested in the Maple Leaf Gar-dens scandal Martin Kruze was a figure because he had sued the Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Com-plex But after he committed sui-cide the media was really galva-nized and that was probably a
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 45)
ldquoThe lack of media
attention means that we
arenrsquot fostering the
awareness within the
public that we need in
order to provide real
help and services for
survivors We need the
mediarsquos help to bring
this horrific crime to
light and to help stop it
from happeningrdquo
February 2009
Page 47
ments but it canrsquot at this stage really happen through the courts
I would want there to be an ability for institutions or perpetrators mdash de-fendants mdash to look beyond mere dollars and cents and look toward healing the person that they have hurt either directly or indirectly All too often in these cases we really become tied up in the legal minu-tiae of things as opposed to defen-dants saying ldquoOK letrsquos step back here and letrsquos try to helprdquo
I wish that there were a real under-standing that these cases are not car accident cases and they should
not be treated as car accident cases My clients are not people whorsquove broken a leg and therefore need X amount of dollars in order to pay for medical services or whatnot And unfortu-nately that doesnrsquot necessarily happen
In terms of the thera-peutic community I would love to see counseling and therapy ses-sions be paid for through the pub-lic purse so that people who re-quire the services of highly-skilled counselors and therapists and psy-chologists can access those services without having to pay for them A lot of clients just donrsquot have the economic means to pay for such services until after they get a set-tlement and that could take years It would be wonderful to see those kinds of services funded the same way as a trip to the emergency room or a trip to your family doc-tor for a cold is funded Irsquod love to
vivors The amount of damage that can be done as a result of child-hood abuse or in fact any kind of sexual assault is tremendous It affects almost every aspect of someonersquos life It becomes inter-generational because it affects the people around the survivor and compensation awards are still very much a pale reflection of what is needed in order to help these peo-ple I hope that at some point our judges and our legislature under-stand that need and can corre-spondingly give appropriate and reasonable damage awards so that people can start to rebuild their lives in a meaningful way
I would love there to be an opportunity within our civil system for more than just compensation At this stage the only thing that a civil judge can do is award monetary compensation There are a lot of creative things that you can do within a settlement that are not purely fi-nancial that can give a lot of sol-ace to someone who has been abused whether that be in the form of some non-financial healing whether it be in the form of a situation where somebody can con-front their abuser if thatrsquos what they wish to do in a safe setting or whether itrsquos the ability for that sur-vivor to do something outside of pure simple dollars and put for-ward some sort of healing plan that is as individual as they are That can happen through settle-
be able to see that I think that that would go a long way to helping people earlier rather than later
Ultimately I wish that this situation didnrsquot exist anymore and I would be put out of business frankly
MS Well I can certainly sympa-thize with the way you feel but it would seem that you have a career ahead of you dealing with this problem
SJ Unfortunately I think you are right I think that instances of child-hood sexual abuse are not neces-sarily going down I think that insti-tutions are getting a little bit better at putting in place policies and sometimes even following their own policies to stop pedophiles from entering those institutions and preying on people that those insti-tutions are theoretically set up to serve but I think that as long as the problem of childhood sexual abuse is with us I will be out there trying to help anybody that I can
MS Is there anything else yoursquod like to say to our readers
SJ I think that organizations such as MaleSurvivor are imperative in helping people understand that they are not alone that itrsquos not their fault and there are ways to get help So hats off to an organi-zation such as yours The clients I have who are involved in your or-ganization are very very well served so I have to thank you for being a resource
MS Thank you very much for your kind comments and for your time Simona
ldquoUltimately I wish that
this situation didnrsquot exist
anymore and I would be
put out of business
franklyrdquo
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-
Vol 2 No 2
Page 26
was lost Glenn was slowly dying inside me I became depressed and despondent and I hated so many people But most of all I hated my-self
I had attempted suicide on a few occasions and I really and truly had a death wish I hated myself so much that on Friday January 16 1998 loaded with a supply of co-caine and booze I booked myself into a hotel room with no intention of coming out alive Friday night and Saturday passed with me drinking and getting high on co-caine After having more cocaine delivered to me on Sunday after-noon there was no turning back mdash or so I thought Approximately at midnight on Sunday I made my final decision mdash it was time for me to leave this stinking world I ingested enough cocaine to kill me and then I barricaded my hotel door and ripped the phone out of the wall I lay down on the bed defeated broken sad guilt-ridden ashamed depressed and scared yet so ready to die
Only Divine Intervention mdash some sort of miracle mdash can explain what hap-pened next The police came into my hotel room at just the right time on Sunday night and took me to the hospital Who called them how did they know to come to my room I donrsquot know Well thatrsquos not completely true Today I am a man of faith and as a Christian I know exactly who orchestrated my rescue
A Victim No More (Continued from page 25)
After a brief stay in the hospital I chose to enter the Hamilton Menrsquos Withdrawal Management Centre where I spent eleven days From there I entered an intensive addic-tion treatment centre for a six-week stay followed by a five and one half month stay at a recovery house
I have been clean and sober since Janu-ary 19 1998
I work the program of recovery intensely I was blessed with some incredible therapists who were able to break through my trust issues my rough exterior and my wall of comedy to allow me to heal I also became involved in the 12-Steps and other support groups through which I have found tremendous friendships and men-toring
Recovery is about making changes Al-though my abuser assaulted me until I was 15 years old I blamed him for all of my problems until I was 33 years old I had to change from being a pro-fessional blamer and liar to a man of responsibility character and in-tegrity It wasnrsquot easy however after many tears and lots of hard work life has gotten much better
Over time and through applying these principles I found peace se-renity and forgiveness and I also
learned how to love myself again Everything that was set in motion to harm me as a young man is now what drives me With Godrsquos help today I am able to live humbly honestly open-minded and willing to do whatever it takes to stay clean and sober while doing what I can to help others who face similar
struggles
Today I serve the Ca-nadian Centre for Abuse Awareness as the Director of the Southwestern Ontario office My mission at hand is to create a task force that will be responsible for build-ing a residential pro-gram for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
I am also the Execu-tive Producer and Host of three popular television programs Good News Sports The Edge and Living Clean Living Clean is the only live weekly interactive television program in Canada
that is designed to assist individu-als who suffer with addiction abuse andor mental illnesses
I also host The Glenn Allan Show on a local radio station in Hamil-ton ON Canada
As a motivational speaker my pres-entation entitled Youth Yak Live has enabled me to speak to thou-sands of youth nationwide since 2000 Through Youth Yak Live I
ldquoRecovery is about
making changes
Although my abuser
assaulted me until I was
15 years old I blamed
him for all of my
problems until I was 33
years old I had to
change from being a
professional blamer and
liar to a man of
responsibility character
and integrity
February 2009
Page 27
Male Survivor Groups (MSG)
By Robert Beacuterubeacute Co-founder MSG
M ale Survivor Groups (MSG) was created by a group of male survivors
of childhood sexual abuse follow-ing the death of a fellow survi-vor in Lon-don Ontario Canada The initial objec-tives were to foster cama-raderie and support for one another and also to obtain proper help
for survivors in the London area
Presently our aim is to help all male survivors and also to make our cause known It is open to all male survivors of childhood ado-lescent and adult abuse We have expanded and have supported the creation of groups across Canada and we are prepared to support the creation of groups throughout the World
Groups have been established in London Vancouver Sudbury and North Bay in Canada
Our beliefs
1 Our groups are for male survi-vors of abuse What is said in the group remains there What is stated must remain confiden-
have developed tremendous work-ing relationships with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police Ontario Provincial Police Crime Stoppers local police agencies young of-fender facilities churches self-help groups and alcohol and drug treatment centres
I also facilitate a weekly peer sup-port group for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
There was a time when I thought I would never get married and that no one could love me for who I am Colleen and I met in 1999 We both have similar pasts We both have worked through our abuse issues and are both clean and so-ber In 2001 my best friend and I married and we now have three beautiful children Ashley Brandon and Christopher Spending the rest of my life with Colleen and our family is a dream come true
The opportunity of sharing Godrsquos gifts and blessings with others is truly an honour and a privilege It is imperative that I never take these things for granted
If I can assist you or someone dear to you please donrsquot hesitate to contact me at the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness Ph 905-594-1581 or email glennccfaacom or visit these websites
wwwabusehurtscom wwwlivingcleanca wwwglennallanca
or write to me co CCAA 38 King St East PO Box 66614 Stoney Creek ON L8G 5E5
(Continued from page 26)
tial Anonymity is of the utmost importance unless the survivor has gone public But intimate details of the public person must also remain confidential Confidentiality must be assured
2 We are in the group to heal and to support each other
3 We are male survivors who want to heal and help others in the process We can be as young as 16 or as old as old can be
4 Our primary purpose is our own safe being Secondary purposes are the betterment of services for male survivors and the advancement of our cause
5 We fight on so that we may grow in solidarity
6 We are not a religious group We do use different models of functioning in our different sub-groups Ours is a healing group for more than one prob-lematic issue
7 We encourage partnerships with organisations businesses and agencies that foster the creation of services for male survivors of abuse
We have created a Facebook Group which is also open to FRIENDS who support our cause Our group is establishing partnerships with other male survivor groups in Canada and worldwide You can contact us through the Facebook page or by emailing me at berube55yahooca
Support Groups
Robert Beacuterubeacute
Vol 2 No 2
Page 28
The CCAA By Ellen Campbell [ellenccfaacom]
Founder and Executive Director Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness
A s some of you know the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness (CCAA) is a
national non-government charitable organization dedicated to eliminat-ing child abuse through advocacy education public awareness and prevention programs With help from community and corporate partners the CCAA provides accessible support healing and indi-vidual empowerment for adult survivors their fami-lies and caregivers through over 20 programs Those that listen to classic rock station Q107 in the To-ronto region will recognize us as their charity of choice through Derringerrsquos Thir-teen Days of Christmas campaign
Based in Newmarket On-tario the CCAA is an active and vibrant organization that in addition to its variety of program offer-ings is also involved in public safety advocacy That advo-cacy started with the early release from prison of one of the perpetra-tors in the Maple Leaf Gardensrsquo child sex abuse scandal Many surviving victims were traumatized again this time by the system The
CCAA went public with its concerns that day and the public safety advocacy program was born
Later the CCAA wrote a sweeping report titled Martinrsquos Hope named in memory of Martin Kruze (the first victim to courageously go public with the story of his abuse at the Gardens and who later tragi-cally took his own life) that made 60 recommendations for legislative and policy change to the criminal justice system These recommenda-tions were gleaned from round-
table discussions with over 150 front-line criminal justice system professionals crime victims and survivors To this day members of the Kruze family sit on the CCAA Board of Directors
After the initial public release of the Martinrsquos Hope report in the fall of 2003 I knew that if repairs were to be made to the criminal justice system advocacy would have to be accelerated That advocacy began in earnest in early 2006 with the hiring of John Muise a volunteer with the CCAA and previously a Toronto police officer with signifi-cant experience in legislative and policy advocacy The hire coincided with new political winds blowing in Ottawa The CCAArsquos full-time public
safety program was born
Relationships already in existence were strength-ened new ones were made and the CCAA intensified its advocacy with politi-cians stakeholders and other decision makers In addition the CCAA courted media attention recogniz-ing the opportunity to get our message out
That advocacy included the preparation of written briefs in support of testi-mony before a number of decision making bodies including several appear-ances before the House of Commons Justice Commit-tee
ADVOCACY REWARDED The last three years have brought success on a number of fronts Progress on the criminal justice reform front is rarely if ever the result of one person or just one organization advocating for
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoMartinrsquos Hoperdquo in Memory of Martin Arnold Kruze From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 29
government Although there are specific circumstances under which the age of consent is 16 (or 18) the general age of consent remained at 14 For many in the child protection
world this has been a shame of what is otherwise a devel-oped and civilized land The fight is finally over with the passage and Royal Assent of this legisla-tion in July of 2008 This is a victory for the many people that fought the good fight and most importantly this law allows prose-cution of those adult predators who choose to sexually exploit 14
and 15 year old children
Review of federal corrections policy
In 2007 the federal government ordered an independent review of the federal corrections and parole system The CCAA attended the announcement of that review and subsequently appeared before the review team and provided detailed written recommendations for change The final report included a number of recommendations that the CCAA provided including those contained in Martinrsquos Hope A rollout of some report recommen-dations has already started includ-ing a pilot project for the use of electronic monitoring on serious and violent offenders who are on parole in communities
(Continued on page 30)
Dangerous offenders Having someone declared a dan-gerous offender is very difficult to do In fact there are fewer then 400 declared dangerous offenders in the country This amendment makes it easier to bring a dangerous offender application for a serious repeat con-victed offender before the court The end result should be we hope the detection and declaration of more dangerous offenders Dangerous offender designation is for life and results in indefinite lock-up of the offender with periodic judicial reviews
Community protection orders
Also known as ldquoSection 810rdquo orders they allow the state to monitor the activities of certain subjects mdash no longer under some form of sen-tence or other judicial release but still considered a danger mdash to be placed on a judicial order similar to a bail with control and monitoring conditions The legislation explicitly expands the controls that can be usedmdashfor example electronic moni-toringmdashand extends the length of the order from one year to two
Age of protection For longer than people care to remember advocates have fought to raise the general age of consent from 14 to 16 years of age Until recently those voices have been largely ignored by the federal
change but no one can deny the important roll played by the CCAA in advancing these reforms These are all original recommendations contained in the Martinrsquos Hope report The results as they say speak for themselves and include but are not limited to the follow-ing
Mandatory minimum sentences for Internet chi ld abuse offences
Over time courts have increasingly relied on so called ldquohouse arrestrdquo provisions (see section immediately below) when sentencing offenders found guilty of Internet child abuse and similar kinds of serious child exploitation offences The sen-tences were often way out of pro-portion to the gravity of the crimes Minimum sentences were legislated for a variety of crimes with the net effect of eliminating the ability of the court to impose ldquohouse arrestrdquo
Conditional sentences of imprisonment
Better known as ldquohouse arrestrdquo this measure brought in over a decade ago was being imposed by the courts for ever more serious of-fenders and offences Many violent and dangerous offenders were allowed to serve their term of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo at home Justice and public safety were compro-mised by this provision Although the Bill that finally passed was watered down significantly by opposition party demands the end result was a tightening of the cir-cumstances under which a sen-tence of this kind could be given
ldquoAfter the initial public
release of the Martinrsquos
Hope report in the fall
of 2003 I knew that if
repairs were to be made
to the criminal justice
system advocacy would
have to be acceleratedrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 30
munity committees and inquiries including the Federal Inquiry pre-sided over by Justice Major into the Air India bombing
Moving forward We are delighted to report that John Muise our Director of Public Safety has recently received a Governor-in-council appointment as a full-time member of the Na-tional Parole Board effective in May of 2009 Although this is a big loss
for the CCAA we are thrilled for John and we know that he will bring the same com-mitment to public safety in that position as he did with the CCAA We wish him the very best in this new and challenging role
Much progress has been made in the past three years with
more anticipated The federal gov-ernment has signaled its intention to finish the work it started and attempt a further repeal of condi-tional sentences of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo They have also said that they in-tend on amending certain aspects of parole legislation and moving on tightening up security (including drug interdiction) in federal prisons
As we kick off 2009 the CCAA has the following priorities
Enhanced training for law enforcement off icers involved in chi ld abuse
investigations The introduction of provincial ldquosafe havenrdquo legislation that would pro-
vide a distressed mother who has given birth (within 72 hours) to take her baby to a place of safety (for example fire station police station hospital emergency) no questions asked and drop the baby off The purpose is to avoid the unthinkable mdash dumpster aban-donment murder at birth This legislation exists in all 50 of the United States but has yet to to be introduced in this country
Parole reform In addition the CCAA will work with partners on two parole and corrections recommendations They include legislating breach of parole as an offence for which a police officer has a power of arrest Com-plimentary to this the replacement of statutory release (automatic release after serving two thirds of a sentence) with regular earned parole Both recommendations were included in the final report of the Corrections Review Team and had been provided with others by the CCAA
We at the CCAA believe that much has been done on the criminal justice reform and public awareness front We are grateful for the pro-gress thus far and proud of the part we have played in moving the public safety agenda along
There is still much work to be done and the CCAA will step up to carry on this most important work
Selection of judges In recognition of the importance of the justice selection process the federal government has recently expanded the scope of people selected to sit on the regional Judicial Advisory Committees tasked with vetting potential ap-pointments and providing recom-mendations to the federal Attorney General and Minister of Justice for final selection Although still dominated by judges and lawyers a wider variety of voices and minds is now part of the selection proc-ess This is welcome news I am one of those voices I sit on one of the regional committees itrsquos an appointment we can all be proud of
Gun crime and other victim focused matters
Although outside the specific man-date of the CCAA (and not included in the Martinrsquos Hope report) in recognition of the impact on com-munities and particularly at risk children and youth the CCAA also appeared before the House of Commons Committee in support of mandatory minimum sentences for serious gun crimes and for amend-ments that tighten up the bail system for those charged with serious gun-related offences
In addition several crime victim supportive briefs were prepared for a number of safe school and com-
The CCAA (Continued from page 29)
ldquoWe at the CCAA hellip are
grateful for the progress
thus far and proud of
the part we have played
in moving the public
safety agenda alongrdquo
February 2009
Page 31
higher than its current statistical significance would suggest I would suggest itrsquos about one in four of the men I deal with 25 compared to the 16 suggested in the cur-rent literature If you allow for the fact that many of the men I work with have come from dysfunctional families that have been dysfunc-tional for generations the higher rate of incidence will hardly be surprising
I really had no idea when I started this job that I would have a head-
on collision with CSA No idea at all I was in my pre-survivor life My own past experi-ences were like a dormant volcano Sure some smoke would puff out every now and then for no readily apparent rea-son but no major eruption But as I heard more and more stories told by men in their own abyss of despair and self loath-ing things started to bubble within me
I remember the first man who disclosed to me He did not really intend to He started to tell part of a story and I just knew I just knew What he did say was part of an institutional abuse situa-tion that gained public awareness in the media After that story broke many men came forward as well to tell their story of how they too were abused as boys in a school
Inside
By Geeders (Jim)
W hen I was first asked to write about my experi-ences working in a jail I
wasnrsquot really sure what I could say about it Can I say this or should I say that Was it going to be really negative or show promise of better days ahead And what about me mdashthe new me mdash dealing with issues of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) at the same time as the men I see and work with How the hell was (or is) that going to work Well it is a work in progress after all and one that seems to evolve as I change and as I become more comfortable with my own sense of a new self
Let me begin by saying that there is nothing in this article that would meet the rigours of clinical dissection Equally important I do not work with sexual offenders What I am going to say is purely my experience based on personal observation No scientific analysis can be attributed to it apart from what we already know or suspect One in six men will have been sexually assaulted or abused by the time they are 18 It has long been opined that the number of abused men is actually
setting that was really a cover for juveniles in trouble with the law
The inmate I was working with did not come forward at that time He couldnrsquot His disclosure to me was the first time he had ever said anything about his abuse No one else knew mdash no one He was alone His pain was palpable and obvious His shame and guilt were profound Never had he admitted to himself what had happened in that school let alone admitted to a total stranger until that very moment I listened to his pain tried to console him just let him cry Eventually over the course of a couple of interviews it became obvious to me why he was in jail Any self-esteem that he had as a boy or young man was destroyed by his abuse His very essence was rewritten by the men who had abused him Teens get into trouble but they can also learn to later stay out of it by fol-lowing the teachings of those they trust But for this young man his ability to trust was destroyed by the very people who were sup-posed to care for him nurture him and dare I say it love him appro-priately What was even more tragic is that this man came from a cul-ture that has low tolerance for anything that even remotely resem-bles homosexuality
Being abused sent this man on a downward spiral that ultimately turned him into a drug addict by his own admission a junkie who hated himself for what ldquohe had
(Continued on page 32)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoOver the course of
several related careers I
have seen a lot of good
being done Irsquove also
seen a lot of ugliness
that even by todayrsquos
standards defies the
most common
sensibilities we have as
human beingsldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 32
donerdquo His shame and guilt and culture prevented him saying any-thing about what happened It cut him off from any legal action that might take place and removed any sort of financial compensation that he might gain as a result of his abuse It eventually cut him off from his own family because his drug abuse prevented him from working and supporting his wife and family It destroyed his ability to be a good dad and husband A few years later I saw him back in jail again
When I did encounter him again it was with an in-creased sense of awareness within me Every time a man disclosed to me that he had been sexually abused or assaulted I started to die inside A little piece of me just died every time a man said to me what I could not say to myself or anyone else That dormant volcano started to fume a bit more regularly
Over the course of several related careers I have seen a lot of good being done Irsquove also seen a lot of ugliness that even by todayrsquos standards defies the most common sensibilities we have as human beings It exists Itrsquos around every corner if we choose to look at it Along with the ugly we have the good We have people who are willing to take a stand and come forward to say to the world ldquoWe
Inside (Continued from page 31)
have a problem here itrsquos not going to go away and it needs to be fixedrdquo I had the good fortune to meet many of these people last year at a conference on male sex-ual victimization By then I had been able to learn from the men that I serve that perhaps I too could learn to tell someone Could I be a survivor too
Men in jail are there for a reason Whether itrsquos to protect society while they await trial or from
themselves or while sentenced they are here Whether I think they should be here is irrelevant They are usually at the end of their ropes Their lives are upside down and in turmoil They are frequently in withdrawal from illicit drug use They are in the bottom of a pit from which there does not appear to be an escape or refuge They are desperate and will act desperately
if needed They are angry and no longer have any control over their lives Someone has taken that control away from them They have no choice but to comply Failure to comply results in loss of privileges which can include being prohibited from contact with those they love the most Forced co-habitation with other men can evoke strong memories of prior abuse which they cannot deal with let alone understand It can be isolation
They are alone and cannot speak about their issues for fear of being discovered and further stigmatized and trau-matized by a peer group that cannot tolerate differences or diversity
I have been fortunate in that for some reason men trust me and feel safe and able to disclose And when they do you can see the relief on their faces They are scared for sure but it has always seemed to be a relief I have to ask them I have no choice because itrsquos part of my job But now as a survivor myself I can tell them they are not alone I cannot tell them about me but I can tell them they are not alone that they
are among the approximately one in six men who are assaulted or abused when they are boys or young men I can tell them about the few resources we have avail-able for men which are a 100 improvement compared to what they had when they first walked into my office I tell them about MaleSurvivor and have MS posters up in my office I can tell them that
ldquoTougher than lsquoNamrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 33
Maybe not I prefer to think that I have shown them that there is hope There is life in being a survi-vor they donrsquot have to be held hostage any longer by a secret that was put upon them by an abuser I prefer to think that I have been able to show them that they do not have to be ashamed for being male When I speak with them Irsquom a straight shooter I calls rsquoem as I sees lsquoem I use words they can understand mdash street language mdash which helps them understand their bodies and to understand that Mother Nature made them to be reactive and responsive I tell them that simply because their bodies reacted that their bodies re-sponded while being abused did not make the abuse their fault It takes a while to get there at times But the relief when the penny drops and they realize that they themselves were in no way respon-sible for the abuse is quite remark-able
Just this week Irsquove been working with a man who actually smiled when he came into my office He said ldquoI finally get it It wasnrsquot my faultrdquo He then went on to tell me that immediately prior to his at-tending in my office he had just disclosed to his sister while on the phone in his jail area surrounded by other inmates While it was perhaps not the safest venue for a disclosure he made his own deci-sion He said he was taking control As a 35 year old this man has not been in control since he was first abused at age seven Subsequent abuse only reinforced for him that he was an object a thing not worth anything Relationship after relationship failed him as he con-tinued to relive issues of abandon-
there are over 6000 people regis-tered at MS and that when they get out they will find tremendous support at the MS website I can tell them about Weekends of Re-covery without disclosing that attending a WOR was one of the best things I have done with my life They will know that they are no longer alone And not once has anyone asked me directly about me If they did I could not reply which in a round about way is a reply But I cannot reply Why The institution that I work in can be as intolerant of differences and diver-sity as the inmates are of each other The whole notion of male abuse and assault simply does not exist It is not spoken of It will not be spoken of mdash until now
Because abuse is now spoken of I have been able to create a support network for inmates and for myself Itrsquos a small step but a step never-theless Itrsquos spoken of now at a level never before reached in terms of official support and direction Support has yet to be defined but I have a mandate now to do a better job for male survivors Itrsquos on paper Itrsquos my goal
Safety of all concerned has to remain first and foremost mdash safety for the inmate safety for me With inmates disclosing to me often for the first time I am struck by what happens next A huge can of worms is opened And for what There is little safety here little opportunity to follow up The court system tosses these men around like dice One day they are here the next they are God knows where Have I done something that perhaps I shouldnrsquot have Maybe
ment physical and sexual abuse sexual orientation confusion anger management substance abuse domestic violence self respect low self esteem boundaries mdash these and much more impact upon this man daily But hersquos making a start Itrsquos another chance We all need them
I would be remiss to not mention the support of my colleagues Some of them do know about me and they have been tremendously supportive and understanding They too share a belief that it is possible for men to become survivors I cannot imagine doing this work everyday without their ongoing support I love you guys
The resources I refer to are few the Menrsquos Project in Ottawa The Gate-house in Toronto as well as local sexual assault centres I discovered on my own road to recovery that our local sexual assault centre does in fact offer services to men but does not advertise this due to the fear of being inundated with refer-rals They simply are not equipped to handle what surely lies out in my community When the report of the Cornwall Inquiry comes out later this year it is my belief that it will force our government our society to re-examine how its treatment of boys and men is provided Hope-fully those who are like I was feeling alone fearful uncomfortable in their own skin will feel more enabled to come forward to shed that skin that was put on them by their abuser(s) and step out of the ordinary letting their souls ascend and become free
Vol 2 No 2
Page 34
A History of Male Survi-vor Services in Queacutebec
and First Nations Communities
By Caroline Benamza (dance and drama therapistpsychotherapist at CRIPHASE)
And by Benoicirct St Jean (Director of CRIPHASE)
Contact Tel +1-514-529-55-67 Email infocriphaseorg
Website wwwcriphaseorg
T he latest statistics in Queacutebec show that one out of every six men has been sexually
abused before the age of 18 but there are very few statistics regard-ing male survivors and this estima-tion is only based on reported abuse Most adult men or boys who are survivors go unnoticed because most of the services in Queacutebec are exclusively for women In 2008 the male population in Queacutebec was about 3800000 of which about 3000000 are above 20 years of age (from the Institut de la Statistique) Therefore we can estimate that in Queacutebec there are around 500000 male survivors actually visible within the different health care services justice system and police departments The num-ber is already frightening for a seemingly peaceful society like Queacutebec When it comes to Native American communities as many as 80 of boys have been sexually abused before the age of 18 This number is quite similar mdash but for different reasons mdash to the male population within the Federal or Provincial prisons
The reality of male survivors of sexual abuse in childhood has remained in the dark for years in Queacutebec and it is only in the last four years that the government has acknowledged the necessity of funding counseling services for male survivors Historically it can be explained The first services for survivors have been developed since the 1960s within the very strong Queacutebeacutecois feminist move-ments The women have built along the years a strong network of ser-vices for female vic-tims of sexual abuse and domestic vio-lence Today these services still exist as the CALACS (Centres dAide et de Lutte contre les Agressions agrave Caractegravere Sexuel = Sexual Assault Cen-tres) network for survivors of sexual abuse Due to a strong belief in pro-viding a safe haven for women survivors men were turned away from these services and had nowhere to go Only two survivorsrsquo centres in the Montreal area outside the CALACS network welcomed men but those men represent only 5 of clients
This situation became obvious when the CAVAC (Centre drsquoAide pour les Victime drsquoActes Criminels = Crime Victims Assistance Centres) started to provide counseling ser-
vices to victims of criminal acts who wished to press charges and go through a court procedure The first services in Queacutebec for male survivors therefore came from a strong need in the society In 1996 the CAVAC decided to fund an experimental program directed by Denis Reneacute to offer a support group for male survivors This program was named the PHASE Groups (Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = For Men Sexually Abused in Child-
hood) With the suc-cess of these first groups between 1996 and 1997 the CAVAC of Montreal tried to secure funding for the continuation of services Unfortu-nately the PHASE Groups suffered from the double status it carried within the government the Minister of Justice that was the main funder of the CAVAC refused to fund a counseling service supposedly to be funded by the Health Minister Later the Health Minister turned down the
funding because as part of CAVAC the program should have been funded by the Minister of Justice
So it was in 1997 that Denis Reneacute decided to secure the future of the PHASE Groups by registering them
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoWhen it comes to
Native American
communities as many
as 80 of boys have
been sexually abused
before the age of 18
This number is quite
similarmdashbut for different
reasonsmdashto the male
population within the
Federal or Provincial
prisonsrdquo
February 2009
Page 35
intimacy and sexuality issues) and PHASE Artistique (a 10 weeks art and movement therapy program) with a holistic approach to body and mind recovery
In 2008 the very first weekend of recovery (named PHASE Weekend) was created and CRIPHASE wishes to make the weekend an annual event In 2003 for the first time
CRIPHASE became a full member of the Table de Concertation en Agressions Sexuelles (a gathering of several organizations providing services to survivors in addition to representatives from the Justice the Health Minister and the police) This cooperation allows a better understanding of survivor issues and needs as well as a better coor-
within a non-profit organization that took the name CRIPHASE (Centre de Resources et drsquointervention Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = Resource and Intervention Centre for Men who have been Sexually Abused in Childhood) For 10 years the Groups have survived on pri-vate funding and have provided two recovery Groups called PHASE 1 and PHASE 2 Each PHASE is a 10-week program serving non-offending male survivors over 18 years of age and of all sexual orienta-tions With its first public funding in 2004 of $38000 a director was en-gaged by the board of administration and in 2008 the PSOC (a funding body within the agency of Health and Social Services) fi-nally secured the future of CRIPHASE with a first major funding rooting CRIPHASE in the circle of sexual abuse survivors centres
Since 2006 CRIPHASE has devel-oped a major politics of visibility through the media conferences and meetings with the different actors of the Queacutebeacutecois stage Three more programs have been developed within CRIPHASE PHASE Conjoint (for partners of male survivors) PHASE Sexo (a 10 weeks program of recovery focusing on
dination of services on the ground From within the Table CRIPHASE has been able to educate people on the issue of male survivors and participate or initiate projects such as the Information Guide for Sexual Assault Victims and the first pre-vention mobilization and aware-ness march for sexual abuse survi-vors in 2008 The presence of CRIPHASE at the Table has also
allowed the feminists within the CALACS to have a better under-standing of the suffer-ing of male survivors who are also victims in their own way of an old patriarchal system CRIPHASE was also finally incorporated in the CALACS coordina-tion groupmdashcalled Table des CALACS mdash in 2008
Until 2008 there were no services provided in English (Queacutebec is a French-speaking province where Eng-lish speakers are a minority) due to lack of funding to translate the PHASE 1 docu-ments and employ English-speaking therapists The project
to offer groups in English had been put aside for years but finally in 2008 the first groups of PHASE 1 and 2 opened for English speakers The PHASE Artistique and PHASE Weekend are now bilingual pro-grams
(Continued on page 36)
Phone calls received at CRIPHASE
male survivors
therapists
relatives and loved ones
other
The average male survivor using the services at CRIPHASE is aged between 35 and 55
Vol 2 No 2
Page 36
Male survivors in the Native American
communities Recovery programs within Native American communities are only starting Many Native American men were sexually abused as well as psychologically and emotionally abused when they were sent to boarding schools across the province for assimila-tion The effects of this traumatic experience (including historic trauma) can be seen in all First Nations of Queacutebec Algonquians Cris Innus Abenakis Innuits Micmacs and so forth Today there is a strong need of heal-ing for this lost gen-eration but traumatic experiences and con-sequences have been passed on to the next generations Unfortu-nately sexual abuse is one of these problems which need to be addressed through prevention and coun-seling in a way that will integrate Native American traditions and their holistic ap-proach to medicine Such programs already exist within some communi-ties Organizations like GRIPMA (Groupe de Recherches et dInter-ventions Psychosociales en Milieu Autochtone = Research and Inter-vention group in Aboriginal Com-munities) located in the Huron
History of Male Survivor Services (Continued from page 35)
community of Wendake (near Queacute-bec city) provide a clinical expertise in intervention within Native Ameri-can communities On the other side the Aboriginal Healing Foun-dation based in Ottawa is currently funding 16 recovery projects for the First Nations in Queacutebec ad-dressing sexual abuse addiction prevention of suicide boarding schools trauma etc until 2010
Last year the publication of the five-year funding plan on sexual abuse by the provincial govern-ment of Queacutebec has seen the recognition of male survivors as a population in great need of ser-vices It has also recognized the necessity of providing services to the First Nations communities
Things are changing in Queacutebec for male survivors Because CRIPHASE is the only organization providing support and counseling to men in Queacutebec who have been sexually abused in childhood there is great hope for an increase of funding this year The constant develop-ment of CRIPHASE and the increase in phone calls and numbers of guys within the services (in 2008-
2009 there will be seven groups of PHASE 1 in-stead of five the year before) also show that men in Queacutebec are get-ting the right information on sexual abuse and services and are being encouraged to look for help and engage in re-covery
If you are one of these men in Queacutebec we are waiting for your call Remember you are not alone
For the annual march event please visit wwwmarchevasca (Information for the May 2009 march will be on line from February 2009)
Quilt Square by a Native Child from Alberta From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 37
MaleSurvivor is men surviving sexual abuse in Canada we will start with Canadarsquos sad legacy of abuse of children by clergy
A Brief Incomplete Canadian History
In Canada our First Nations People have had to bear the legacy of abuse they endured in Canadarsquos notorious residential schools Cur-rent issues of addictions and family and mental health problems amongst our First Nations people can be traced back to the legacy of abuse experienced by Native chil-dren in residential schools
Around 1874 the federal government began working with the churches (Catholic Anglican United and Presbyte-rian) to set up the Residential School System as a means to suppress Native cul-ture and promote assimilation In gen-eral children between the ages of five and 16 were taken from their parents and sent to church-run residen-tial schools The extent of the abuse in these church-run schools has been referred to as the ldquoCanadian Holocaustrdquo Recently the Canadian Government formed the Truth and Reconciliation Commis-sion (TRC) as part of the court-approved Indian Residential Schools Settlement Agreement The
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious
Leader By Nancy N Mayer MSW RSW
Partner Crisci amp Mayer Consultation Counselling and
Training Toronto wwwckmconsultationcom
Introduction
L ikely all the readers of this newsletter have knowledge and expertise about men
being physically sexually and emotionally abused Research tells us that abusers can come from any
walk of life and most often are known to the child or adult In the last decade abuse by clergy has finally ldquocome out of the closetrdquo so to
speak thanks to those brave survi-vors who have made public their experiences of being abused by clergy More than ever survivor groups are encouraging victims to report these crimes to the police and to consider seeking civil re-dress for their injuries Many groups believe that change in churches will only come when they are held accountable for the abuse perpetrated by clergy
This article will attempt to address the distinctive issues that are com-mon to this population of survivors Because the focus of this issue of
purpose of the commission is not to determine guilt or innocence but to create an historical account of the residential schools help people to heal and encourage reconciliation between Aboriginal and non-aboriginal Canadians
The notorious Mount Cashel Or-phanage is another Canadian leg-acy of sexual abuse by clergy This facility was operated in Newfound-land by the Christian Brothers More than a dozen priests were convicted after decades of abusing young boys at the orphanage
Mount Cashel Or-phanage closed in 1989 just six months after allegations of sexual physical and emotional abuse were published by the media (For more in depth information see Harris Michael Unholy Orders Trag-edy at Mount Cashel Ontario Viking Press 1990)
Like the US there have been hundreds and perhaps thou-sands of cases of children and vulner-
able adults abused by clergy in every religious denomination Unlike the US our country is not bound as strictly by statutes of limitations so lawsuits can proceed more freely Our sentences for convicted clerical sex offenders are
(Continued on page 38)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Nancy N Mayer
ldquo[First Nations] children
between the ages of five
and 16 were taken from
their parents and sent to
church-run residential
schools The extent of
the abuse in these
church-run schools has
been referred to as the
lsquoCanadian Holocaustrsquoldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 38
nowhere near as severe as those of our American neighbours Most first offenders will not serve a day in jail The civil awards for personal inju-ries are also quite low Our court system promotes set-tling these cases out of court When a case fails to go to trial it is not part of the public re-cord The widespread use of confidentiality orders media fatigue and Canadian reserve means that it is impos-sible to obtain accurate statistics on how often men are abused by clergy or even the ex-tent of the problem in this country
The Authority of Rel igious Leaders Religious organizations have always played a central role in our so-cieties They provide moral ethical and spiritual guidance Reli-gious teachings have given us a context and meaning for our lives Most religious belief revolves around a divine power or God Religious leaders (ministers priests rabbis elders nuns) are thought to be Godrsquos earthly repre-sentatives and are treated with reverence and respect They have intimate involvement with families and children at such vulnerable times as an illness death or other family crises They may have access
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 37)
to confidential information by virtue of their roles of confessor or counsellor A child brought up by religious parents is taught to re-spect these men and women Oth-ers associated with churches mdash choir leaders teachers cantors youth group leaders mdash are also considered trustworthy by virtue of their close
association with their religious organizations Most parents en-courage their childrenrsquos participa-tion in church-based activities believing them to be safe and wholesome
These leaders are considered to be esteemed authorities and as repre-sentatives of God wield a great deal of power Depending on the faith group there may be teachings
that support an unquestioning adherence to their instructions and guidance This makes children and vulnerable adults particularly sus-ceptible to exploitation by this group because they have access opportunity and trust
Misuse of Power Perpetrators can utilize their positions of power and trust to gain access to their victims some-times for extended periods of uninterrupted time They may tell children that they are being asked to ldquoserve Godrdquo or that they or their families will be punished if they do not do as instructed Chil-dren may be threatened with eternal damnation or blamed for leading the religious leader into sin If the religion con-siders premarital sex or same sex contacts as sinful the guilt will be compounded
In most cases the victim will not disclose or may disclose but not be
believed A child will have a difficult time convincing adults that he or she has been victimized The vic-timrsquos family culture or communi-ties have been socialized to see their religious leaders as unques-tionably good and incapable of lies This can lead to others denying or minimizing the victimrsquos experience of abuse The victim is initially harmed by the abuser and then is revictimized by those who cannot
ldquoMay Hope be Passed through Every Handrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 39
institutionrsquos response and lack of compassion and pastoral care
The Impact on Spir ituality
The frequently used term ldquosoul murderrdquo aptly describes what hap-pens when the abuser is a religious leader When the response of the religious institu-tion to a disclosure of abuse is experienced as self-serving and uncaring the survivor will likely lose his faith in the religious community of which he has been a part To belong and to feel connected is a basic human need When abused by clergy the loss of connection and belonging to what may have been a spiritual anchor can be devastating
To compound the harm the abuse may have occurred in a religious building The abuser may have worn traditional cleri-cal attire or may have made religious or biblical refer-ences As a result being exposed to religious symbols music or any other reminder can trigger flashbacks and other uncomfortable physical symptoms
The cleric is often considered Godrsquos representative on earth This gives the cleric power that surpasses his position and status When abuse is at the hands of a minister nun
accept that their spiritual leaders are capable of abuse There are many stories of clergy abuse survi-vors being abandoned by their religious communities (who side with the cleric) and their families who cannot face leaving the church that has given their lives meaning and comfort The resultant feelings of betrayal and abandonment are profound
The Role of the Religious Inst itutions
When religious institutions hold themselves up as ethical compasses and arbitrators of right and wrong society has an expectation that church leaders will act in a fair and moral way Many US Commissions and Grand Juries and Canadian reports such as the Winter Com-mission Report (Archdiocese of St Johns Newfoundland Canada 1990) Child Abuse in Community Institutions and Organizations and Improving Public and Professional Understanding (prepared for the Law Commission of Canada) all record and explain the dynamics that have lead to the failure of religious institutions to protect our children
While it is well known that any institution mdash educational recrea-tional or spiritual mdash is not immune from having sex offenders in its midst the religious institutions have a particular legacy of protect-ing the institution through aggres-sive legal tactics versus truth telling and reconciliation Many victims state that they have been less wounded by the actual abuse and profoundly more damaged by the
priest rabbi minister or elder the recipient of the abuse may experi-ence profound guilt for ldquoparticipatingrdquo in ldquosinfulrdquo behaviour mdash a mistaken belief that he is respon-sible for the abuse or shame that
he has ldquosinnedrdquo He may believe he is deserving of rejection or eternal damnation If he confesses he risks exposing the cleric who has likely done what he could to trick the victim into believing that he must maintain silence and secrecy One survivor describes feeling that rdquoIt was like being abused by God him-self If even God couldnrsquot love me how could anyone else ever love merdquo
These factors alone can leave a man who has been abused by clergy unable to find comfort and solace in what used to be his spiritual beliefs and his church Without these familiar beliefs the survivor is aban-
doned and alone when he most needs support
The Role of Gender While woman are ordained in some denominations there is still an imbalance of power between men and women in many religious tradi-tions For boys and men abused by male clerics embarrassment and
(Continued on page 40)
ldquoThe frequently used
term lsquosoul murderrsquo aptly
describes what happens
when the abuser is a
religious leader When
the response of the
religious institution to a
disclosure of abuse is
experienced as self-
serving and uncaring
the survivor will likely
lose his faith in the
religious community of
which he has been
a partrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 40
concerns of how they will be per-ceived promote silence For the boy or man abused by a female cleric there may be worries that he will be labelled the seducer or pres-sured to consider this ldquorelationshiprdquo as non-abusive
The study conducted by the John Jay Col-lege of Criminal Jus-tice regarding The Nature and Scope of the Problem of Sexual Abuse of Minors by Priests and Deacons in the Catholic Church (Washington DC USCCB 2004) found some very disturbing information about the age and gender of victims The largest group of reported victims (509) was between the ages of 11 and 14 273 of victims were 15 to 17 16 were eight to 10 and nearly 6 were under age seven Overall 81 of vic-tims were male and 19 female Male victims tended to be older than female victims Over 40 of all victims were males between the ages of 11 and 14
The largest group of reported victims in this study consisted of boys who were entering puberty This is a tumultuous time in most
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 39)
young menrsquos lives To have this period of development disrupted can contribute to many mental health problems including lack of confidence disruption of emo-tional sexual and psycho-social development isolation sexual identity confusion depression anxiety and abuse of substances
In Summary The harm experienced by those
who are abused by clergy is profound and multifaceted Some therapists will not want to work with survivors of clergy abuse due to the complexity of their issues their limited knowledge of the subject area possible religious biases and potential for litigation Most (but certainly not all) survivors will have experienced revictimization by their churches or religious institutions This compounded by abuse by a religious leader in a position of power will under-standably lead to unique challenges Survivors will have
significant trust issues that can impede the forming of a trusting therapeutic relationship with a therapist who will also be in a position of power and may be an employee of an institution With transparency and skill on the part of the therapist and tenacity on the part of the survivor effective thera-
peutic partnership can be achieved While recovery is difficult it is possible
The irony is that many survivors of abuse by clergy have a strong sense of integrity morality and perseverance They learned the lessons that the ldquoreligiousrdquo offend-ers failed to learn At the core of their beings these clergy abuse survivors are the prophets who have come to speak the truth and reveal the abuse and the decep-tions It is this desire for social justice truth telling belonging and connection that will allow a healthy spiritual belief system to rise out of the ashes of what has happened It is this healthy spiritual belief that makes many clergy abuse survivors persistent and tenacious in seeking recovery and social justice They are making a difference and chang-ing the world as we know it
ldquoThe harm experienced
by those who are
abused by clergy is
profound and
multifaceted Some
therapists will not want
to work with survivors
of clergy abuse due to
the complexity of their
issues their limited
knowledge of the
subject area possible
religious biases and
potential for litigationldquo
February 2009
Page 41
tion of it earlier in the lsquo90s but 1997 is when there was a critical mass of mostly male survivors coming forward and taking action against Maple Leaf Gardens Your question specifically was ldquoDid it play a role in my choice of ca-reersrdquo
MS Yes
SJ Yes and no The Maple Leaf
Gardens cases were not my first sexual assault cases but my in-volvement in these cases solidified my interest and desire to help sur-vivors
MS Could you take a few minutes to explain to our readers just what the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal was and why it has played a central role in revealing the extent of sex-ual abuse at least in the Toronto area
of my clients will say something like ldquoYou know this is not about the money I donrsquot care how much I get this is about something elserdquo And whatever that person seeks mdash an apology or the empowerment of filing a lawsuit or a million other unique things mdash that is why I do this kind of work Itrsquos about helping people through whatever process they need in order to begin that healing process the moving forward process
MS And also to provide your clients with a sense of justice
SJ Absolutely Justice is really not about the money itrsquos about the knowledge that theyrsquove come forward theyrsquove done something and theyrsquove empowered themselves It takes a tre-mendous amount of courage to do that I am always in awe of my cli-ents for the amount of courage they have They are my inspiration
MS Many Americans are unaware of the so-called Maple Leaf Gar-dens sex scandal that began some-time in the 1960s but didnrsquot come to wide public attention until 1997 the year after you began practicing law Did this scandal have some affect on your choice of career
SJ Actually the scandal did come to prominence before 1997 There was scattered media atten-
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 1)
SJ Sure There was a series of men who were employed at Maple Leaf Gardens which was the home of the Toronto Maple Leafs mdash the hockey club mdash who over a period of a couple of decades sexually abused probably hundreds of chil-dren It started in the lsquo60s it went on we believe until the early lsquo80s There were two principal men in-volved but there were at least three
others who also were ac-cused In order to under-stand why the Maple Leaf Gardens sex scandals are as important as they are you have to understand that hockey in Toronto and hockey in Canada is almost a religion Hockey is to Canadians what the NFL or Major League Baseball is to Americans Every little boy dreams of about becoming the next Wayne Gretzky becoming the best hockey player he can be Maple Leaf Gar-dens was the home of one of the best loved and biggest hockey teams mdash the Toronto Maple Leafs The Gardens was the high
temple of hockey in Canada and still is In the lsquo60s lsquo70s and even the lsquo80s children mdash mostly boys mdash would go to Maple Leaf Gardens usually unaccompanied by their parents because back then nobody really thought that anything bad would happen to them at the Gar-dens The boys would go there ei-ther for practice games or to watch the Maple Leafs play or more likely they would go to watch To-
(Continued on page 42)
ldquoMaple Leaf Gardens in Memory of Martin Kruzerdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 42
ronto Marlies games The Marlies were the farm team for the Toronto Maple Leafs During these games and these practices the pedophiles who worked at the Gardenrsquos would often befriend these boys seeking out boys who were more vulner-able than others most likely and would sexually assault the boys sometimes off-property but most often within the Gardens itself They would use their position as employees of the Gardens to be able to say to the boys if you come with me Irsquoll get you a broken hockey stick or hockey puck or Irsquoll get you into better seats the next game or whatever other type of inducement would be necessary to get the boys to go with them into either a washroom or a training room or other private place where the boys would be sexually abused
In 1997 there were about 50 or 60 cases all joined to-gether and Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Entertainment Ltd wanted to settle all the cases prior to the Toronto Maple Leafs moving into a new hockey rink called the Air Canada Center so as to have a clean slate at the new rink By and large a lot of the litigation was fin-ished before the team moved into the Air Canada Center but not all of it In fact there are probably 17 or 19 cases going through the court
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 41)
system today more than 10 years after the original large group of plaintiffs went through the court and I believe that new people will continue to come forward when they are strong enough
MS I understand that one of the principal plaintiffs in the case Mar-tin Kruze had settled with the owners or the operators of the Ma-ple Leaf Gardens in 1995 and that he signed a confidentiality agree-ment not to reveal the settlement
or perhaps even the details of what had happened to him Do you think that the confidentiality agree-ment Mr Kruze agreed to slowed down or hindered the full exposure of this scandal
SJ I think that any confidentiality agreement blocks public access to knowledge and to understanding so I do suspect that Martinrsquos confi-dentiality agreement did have some impact on the scandal re-
maining hidden for as long as it did Absolutely yes I believe that confidentiality agreements are in-herently difficult for plaintiffs be-cause they create and continue a cycle of secrecy Sexual assault is a crime that is almost always carried out in secret and the guilt and shame it produces is key in helping pedophiles maintain their hold over their victims Putting a confidential-ity agreement on a settlement just perpetuates the guilt and the shame
MS Unfortunately Martin Kruzersquos principal perpetrator received a shockingly light sen-tence for all his actions and I understand that this led to Martin com-mitting suicide shortly afterwards
SJ I would think that the perpetratorrsquos sentence was a part of why Martin chose to end his life yes It hap-pened relatively shortly after the sentencing and I suspect that it weighed heavily on Martinrsquos decision
MS Do you think that the sen-tence that the perpetrator received was a reflection of the then current attitude towards pedophiles and sexual abuse
SJ The sentence that the perpe-trator received was a reflection on the way that the Canadian justice system deals with criminals regard-ing personal crimes absolutely It was a very low sentence in keep-
Imants Kruze visiting his sonrsquos memorial quilt square in the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 43
obtain here versus how much they can obtain in the United States In the United States there is no cap for pain and suffering awards whereas here in Canada there is a very small cap mdash about $325000 If a survivor of sexual assault goes through the court system and even if they have a very good day in court in terms of compensation yoursquore probably looking at an award for dam-ages somewhere be-tween $200000 and $500000 Sometimes itrsquos actually less than $200000 and very very rarely more than $500000 so in that sense we are defi-nitely behind But I donrsquot think itrsquos a question of waiting 10 years to see if we ldquocatch uprdquo I think itrsquos just a fundamental difference in how our court system works and whatrsquos available to survivors in terms of compensation
If you mean that Canada is 10 years behind in dealing with other aspects of sexual assault then you are probably correct in terms of media attention public awareness and outrage Sexual assault is still largely an unreported unprose-cuted crime But things are getting better every day and as more and more survivors come forward posi-tive changes will continue to hap-pen
MS As Irsquom sure you know therersquos periodic discussion about tort re-
ing with what was handed out at the time and to a large extent itrsquos still in keeping with what is handed out right now
MS Are you still representing or have you represented anyone who is a plaintiff in this scandal
SJ I was very much involved in the core group of Maple Leaf Gar-dens survivors that came forward in 1997 I was on what was called the plaintiffsrsquo committee back then which was a group of a few lawyers who brought the litigation forward I represented a number of plaintiffs in the original group that came forward I have also represented quite a few men throughout the last 10 years and currently repre-sent two men in the last group of plaintiffs to come forward I have also been approached by at least two other men who may decide to pursue litigation
MS Dale English mdash who has spo-ken to you at some length mdash has said to me that either you or he or both of you have felt that Canada is perhaps 10 or more years behind the US in dealing with the issues of sexual abuse and sexual assault Could you elaborate on that com-ment
SJ I think it depends on what you mean by dealing with the is-sues If you mean dealing with the issues in terms of bringing civil cases forward to a certain extent we are behind One of the funda-mental differences between the United States and Canada is the way that our tort systems operate and specifically the amount of compensation that tort victims can
form in the United States mainly aimed at capping punitive dam-ages Irsquom wondering whether there is the mirror of that in Canada mdash whether therersquos any movement to-wards tort reform that would allow greater awards to victims
SJ Well there is and there isnrsquot In Canada itrsquos very difficult if not
impossible to get pu-nitive damages espe-cially if therersquos a criminal conviction The punitive damages that are available in Canada are very low A typical punitive damage award would be $20000 or $25000 - usually not much more than that So damages are quite restricted here in any event In terms of tort reform I think there is a global push by in-surance companies to
try to limit compensation whether in the States or here The things that the American Association of Justice are fighting for down in the States are the same things that the Ontario Trial Lawyers Association are fighting for here mdash the continued ability to sue for compensation un-hampered by legislative roadblocks benefitting powerful institutional defendants to the detriment of those who have suffered Ours is a much smaller playing field and therefore less money is at stake In terms of plaintiffsrsquo lawyers wersquore trying to maximize the compensa-tion that we can get for our client Every time we go to court we try
(Continued on page 44)
ldquoIf you mean that
Canada is 10 years
behind in dealing with
other aspects of sexual
assault then you are
probably correct in
terms of media
attention public
awareness and outrageldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 44
to get a higher damage award so that that case will be a building block for future cases There are always attempts to try to circum-vent the cap on pain and suffering damages that we have Itrsquos not an easy thing to do the cap has been in place in Canada for 32 years now It was put in place in 1977 by the Supreme Court of Canada and itrsquos unlikely to be overturned any-time soon Even though from a purely theoretical legal analysis that cap does not apply to pain and suffering damages for victims of sexual assault and sexual abuse the reality is that judges still use that cap as a high water mark even though it doesnrsquot formally apply mdash it is still a de facto cap and to be honest with you it is almost impos-sible to get anywhere near that cap for compensation for pain and suf-fering A typical pain and suffering award in Canada for childhood sex-ual abuse is somewhere between $100000 and $200000 Anything on top of that would be associated economic loss or care costs
MS Itrsquos quite unfortunate that even though therersquos no real cap the law behaves as if there were one
SJ Yep I couldnrsquot agree with you more Itrsquos very unfortunate
MS I understand that in 2005 the government of Ontario convened whatrsquos known as the Cornwall Pub-lic Inquiry Was the Inquiry con-vened to address the issues of sex-ual abuse and sexual assault and
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 43)
the way the justice system is han-dling it
SJ Thatrsquos probably one of the reasons the Inquiry was convened Thatrsquos one of the hopes The In-quiry was convened because of what was going on in a little city east of Toronto mdash a series of allega-tions against very prominent mem-bers of that community involving the sexual abuse of children over a period of many many years The idea behind the Inquiry is to try to figure out what happened and to put in place some recommenda-tions that will not only stop some-thing like the abuse in Cornwall from happening again but will also try to help those who were affected by the events in the first place And to some extent I think some good will come of the Inquiry Hopefully the recommendations will be good for survivors of childhood sexual abuse or any kind of sexual assault The Submission phase of the In-quiry officially ended late February 2009
MS Did you have the opportunity to testify before the Inquiry
SJ I did not personally testify before the Inquiry Testimony was generally limited to the people ac-tually involved mdash police officers vic-tims what not I was involved in the Inquiry with regards to a panel discussionroundtable that they had regarding the use of confiden-tiality agreements
MS As you probably know Male-Survivor was first founded in the early 1980s by a group of thera-pists who were concerned about support for victims of childhood
sexual abuse and although Male-Survivor is still not a very large or-ganization it has increased its in-fluence significantly over the years and Irsquom wondering whether there is a similar non-profit or other group in Canada that also is dedi-cated to helping victims of child-hood sexual abuse
SJ There are some grass roots organizations that deal with victims of childhood sexual abuse or adult sexual assault I donrsquot believe there is as cohesive a unit as MaleSurvi-vor I may be wrong on that but there are smaller more community based organizations that assist sur-vivors That being said resources available to survivors are unfortu-nately pretty limited
MS Is that because there are too few therapists in that form of prac-tice
SJ I think itrsquos a mixture of many different things First of all Canada has a much smaller population base mdash 30 million people as com-pared to 300 million in the United States mdash so you have significantly fewer people affected and there-fore you have significantly fewer resources available to those people The services that we do have will often have very long waiting lists before people can access them There are some very very good counselors in Canada assisting sur-vivors but unfortunately the waiting lists are sometimes long and the availability for public funding to provide services free of charge is somewhat limited
MS Is there anything in your opinion about the Canadian health
February 2009
Page 45
system that contributes to the scar-city of services
SJ I donrsquot know if itrsquos the Cana-dian health system I think that in Canada we have a pretty good public health system in the sense that anybody who needs medical services can access those services free of charge The problem is that a lot of these services are not covered under our health system per se Many are covered under either private plans or pay as you go type services and itrsquos just a question of finding the people who can provide these services and being lucky enough to get them when they either donrsquot have a waiting list or other-wise having to wait until your name comes up on that waiting list
MS And that could takes years in some cases it seems
SJ My understanding is that those waiting lists can be quite long but there are very good peo-ple out there Itrsquos just a question of finding them and being able to afford them
MS Can you elaborate on other differences between the US and Canada that affect the way survi-vors and perpetrators are treated by the legal system and the media
SJ The differences between Can-ada and the US are really huge On the surface Americans and Canadi-ans look pretty much the same dress the same talk the same eat the same foods and by and large watch the same TV but culturally there is a huge difference in the way we look at the world in the
way our legal system works and the way that people interact with one another
Americans are much more litigious by na-ture I think this is due to the fact that in the United States mdash at least as seen from the outside mdash the rights of the individual are paramount In Can-ada less so Canada is much more commu-nity-oriented We of-tentimes think about how something is going to affect others instead of looking at what an individual might be entitled to I think that the high
damage awards available through the American legal system are beneficial in sexual abuse cases as is the lack of a cap on awards which we have
In some ways though our legal system is much better for my cli-ents than the US system would be because of the way that our actual process works One of the things that I know is very damaging to a lot of plaintiffs in the United States is the whole discovery process tak-
ing depositions Depositions can go on for a huge number of days and pretty much everybody in the per-sonrsquos life can be called to give a deposition That is very troubling and painful for people who donrsquot necessarily want others to know about their abuse or donrsquot want to involve their family Here in Canada depositions mdash or what we call the examination for discovery mdash are lim-ited to the actual named parties in the lawsuit The defendant and the plaintiff are examined for discovery or deposed if you will Anyone who is not an actual party to the litiga-tion can only be discovered under court orders and itrsquos very difficult to get those court orders so in that sense itrsquos a much quicker cleaner process and less intrusive on some-onersquos life So that is probably a good thing
The other really huge difference between the two systems which I think does in fact impact on why a lot of these cases settle as opposed to going to court and oftentimes settle for very different amounts of money than they would if they went to court is that in Canada we have a ldquoloser paysrdquo system If you go to court and you lose you have to pay at least a portion of the fees incurred by the other side Letrsquos say the defendantrsquos settlement offer is $100000 If the plaintiff does not accept that $100000 and at trial the plaintiff gets $99000 then the plaintiff has to pay the lawyerrsquos fees of the defendant because the award is less than the settlement offer That is very difficult That means that a lot of cases are set-tled for probably less money than
(Continued on page 46)
ldquoOn the surface
Americans and
Canadians look pretty
much the same hellip but
culturally there is a
huge difference in the
way we look at the
world in the way our
legal system works and
the way that people
interact with one
anotherldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 46
MS I join you in that hope Any-thing that can advance the cause of not only helping people but also helping prevent further abuses is always going to be welcome If you could set forth a vision of how you would like to see the law and the therapeutic community in Canada evolve to handle matters of child-
hood sexual abuse and sexual assault mdash if you could influence the reform of institu-tions what would your vision be
SJ Oh Richard Wow Well first and foremost I would love to raise public aware-ness of this issue for various reasons I think that increased public awareness will not necessarily reduce the instances of abuse but will help improve how abuse is dealt with when itrsquos ongoing and after-wards Itrsquos very im-portant that when a child is hurt that
child knows that he can go to peo-ple for help and support All too often if kids get up enough cour-age to tell someone the reaction they get is not very positive I think that with increased public aware-ness hopefully people will under-stand that there are ways to deal with this that will decrease the amount of harm so public aware-ness is paramount
I would like the legal system to raise compensation awards for sur-
turning point in bringing to the publicrsquos attention that the sexual assault of children can happen does happen and itrsquos a very diffi-cult thing for anyone to go through whether theyrsquore little boys or grown men that were abused as children It brought childhood sex-ual abuse out of the shadows to a certain extent The scandal still garners media attention as new survivors come forward but not the same as it did 10 years ago
MS Would you say that the lack of inves-tigative reporting is a cultural phenomenon or is it that the news-papers donrsquot feel they have that role
SJ Oh no Canadian newspapers do feel that they have a role in investigating things but for whatever rea-son sexual abuse of children has not been a priority The Cana-dian media really has not been at the forefront of this issue the way the media in the United States has been and I think that is tremen-dously disappointing The lack of media attention means that we arenrsquot fostering the awareness within the public that we need in order to provide real help and ser-vices for survivors We need the mediarsquos help to bring this horrific crime to light and to help stop it from happening
they would get if they went to court because that risk of going to court and not getting at least the amount of the original offer weighs heavily on everyone Our system is designed and geared toward avoid-ing trials which can be good be-cause nobody really wants to go through a trial but can be bad be-cause people become very intimi-dated by the prospect of losing or not getting as much as the settle-ment offer and being indebted to the defendant for a lot of money Thatrsquos a scary scary thing to go through
With regards to the media the US has a media that by and large has helped out a lot with sexual abuse cases The whole issue of clergy abuse really started with investiga-tive reporting by the Boston Globe right
MS Right
SJ They really took that issue and just ran with it Here in Canada we really havenrsquot had the same kind of investigative media cover-age as yoursquove had which is why events like the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal are not as huge as they are down in the States
Before Martin Kruze committed sui-cide the media was only somewhat interested in the Maple Leaf Gar-dens scandal Martin Kruze was a figure because he had sued the Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Com-plex But after he committed sui-cide the media was really galva-nized and that was probably a
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 45)
ldquoThe lack of media
attention means that we
arenrsquot fostering the
awareness within the
public that we need in
order to provide real
help and services for
survivors We need the
mediarsquos help to bring
this horrific crime to
light and to help stop it
from happeningrdquo
February 2009
Page 47
ments but it canrsquot at this stage really happen through the courts
I would want there to be an ability for institutions or perpetrators mdash de-fendants mdash to look beyond mere dollars and cents and look toward healing the person that they have hurt either directly or indirectly All too often in these cases we really become tied up in the legal minu-tiae of things as opposed to defen-dants saying ldquoOK letrsquos step back here and letrsquos try to helprdquo
I wish that there were a real under-standing that these cases are not car accident cases and they should
not be treated as car accident cases My clients are not people whorsquove broken a leg and therefore need X amount of dollars in order to pay for medical services or whatnot And unfortu-nately that doesnrsquot necessarily happen
In terms of the thera-peutic community I would love to see counseling and therapy ses-sions be paid for through the pub-lic purse so that people who re-quire the services of highly-skilled counselors and therapists and psy-chologists can access those services without having to pay for them A lot of clients just donrsquot have the economic means to pay for such services until after they get a set-tlement and that could take years It would be wonderful to see those kinds of services funded the same way as a trip to the emergency room or a trip to your family doc-tor for a cold is funded Irsquod love to
vivors The amount of damage that can be done as a result of child-hood abuse or in fact any kind of sexual assault is tremendous It affects almost every aspect of someonersquos life It becomes inter-generational because it affects the people around the survivor and compensation awards are still very much a pale reflection of what is needed in order to help these peo-ple I hope that at some point our judges and our legislature under-stand that need and can corre-spondingly give appropriate and reasonable damage awards so that people can start to rebuild their lives in a meaningful way
I would love there to be an opportunity within our civil system for more than just compensation At this stage the only thing that a civil judge can do is award monetary compensation There are a lot of creative things that you can do within a settlement that are not purely fi-nancial that can give a lot of sol-ace to someone who has been abused whether that be in the form of some non-financial healing whether it be in the form of a situation where somebody can con-front their abuser if thatrsquos what they wish to do in a safe setting or whether itrsquos the ability for that sur-vivor to do something outside of pure simple dollars and put for-ward some sort of healing plan that is as individual as they are That can happen through settle-
be able to see that I think that that would go a long way to helping people earlier rather than later
Ultimately I wish that this situation didnrsquot exist anymore and I would be put out of business frankly
MS Well I can certainly sympa-thize with the way you feel but it would seem that you have a career ahead of you dealing with this problem
SJ Unfortunately I think you are right I think that instances of child-hood sexual abuse are not neces-sarily going down I think that insti-tutions are getting a little bit better at putting in place policies and sometimes even following their own policies to stop pedophiles from entering those institutions and preying on people that those insti-tutions are theoretically set up to serve but I think that as long as the problem of childhood sexual abuse is with us I will be out there trying to help anybody that I can
MS Is there anything else yoursquod like to say to our readers
SJ I think that organizations such as MaleSurvivor are imperative in helping people understand that they are not alone that itrsquos not their fault and there are ways to get help So hats off to an organi-zation such as yours The clients I have who are involved in your or-ganization are very very well served so I have to thank you for being a resource
MS Thank you very much for your kind comments and for your time Simona
ldquoUltimately I wish that
this situation didnrsquot exist
anymore and I would be
put out of business
franklyrdquo
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-
February 2009
Page 27
Male Survivor Groups (MSG)
By Robert Beacuterubeacute Co-founder MSG
M ale Survivor Groups (MSG) was created by a group of male survivors
of childhood sexual abuse follow-ing the death of a fellow survi-vor in Lon-don Ontario Canada The initial objec-tives were to foster cama-raderie and support for one another and also to obtain proper help
for survivors in the London area
Presently our aim is to help all male survivors and also to make our cause known It is open to all male survivors of childhood ado-lescent and adult abuse We have expanded and have supported the creation of groups across Canada and we are prepared to support the creation of groups throughout the World
Groups have been established in London Vancouver Sudbury and North Bay in Canada
Our beliefs
1 Our groups are for male survi-vors of abuse What is said in the group remains there What is stated must remain confiden-
have developed tremendous work-ing relationships with the Royal Canadian Mounted Police Ontario Provincial Police Crime Stoppers local police agencies young of-fender facilities churches self-help groups and alcohol and drug treatment centres
I also facilitate a weekly peer sup-port group for adult male survivors of childhood sexual abuse
There was a time when I thought I would never get married and that no one could love me for who I am Colleen and I met in 1999 We both have similar pasts We both have worked through our abuse issues and are both clean and so-ber In 2001 my best friend and I married and we now have three beautiful children Ashley Brandon and Christopher Spending the rest of my life with Colleen and our family is a dream come true
The opportunity of sharing Godrsquos gifts and blessings with others is truly an honour and a privilege It is imperative that I never take these things for granted
If I can assist you or someone dear to you please donrsquot hesitate to contact me at the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness Ph 905-594-1581 or email glennccfaacom or visit these websites
wwwabusehurtscom wwwlivingcleanca wwwglennallanca
or write to me co CCAA 38 King St East PO Box 66614 Stoney Creek ON L8G 5E5
(Continued from page 26)
tial Anonymity is of the utmost importance unless the survivor has gone public But intimate details of the public person must also remain confidential Confidentiality must be assured
2 We are in the group to heal and to support each other
3 We are male survivors who want to heal and help others in the process We can be as young as 16 or as old as old can be
4 Our primary purpose is our own safe being Secondary purposes are the betterment of services for male survivors and the advancement of our cause
5 We fight on so that we may grow in solidarity
6 We are not a religious group We do use different models of functioning in our different sub-groups Ours is a healing group for more than one prob-lematic issue
7 We encourage partnerships with organisations businesses and agencies that foster the creation of services for male survivors of abuse
We have created a Facebook Group which is also open to FRIENDS who support our cause Our group is establishing partnerships with other male survivor groups in Canada and worldwide You can contact us through the Facebook page or by emailing me at berube55yahooca
Support Groups
Robert Beacuterubeacute
Vol 2 No 2
Page 28
The CCAA By Ellen Campbell [ellenccfaacom]
Founder and Executive Director Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness
A s some of you know the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness (CCAA) is a
national non-government charitable organization dedicated to eliminat-ing child abuse through advocacy education public awareness and prevention programs With help from community and corporate partners the CCAA provides accessible support healing and indi-vidual empowerment for adult survivors their fami-lies and caregivers through over 20 programs Those that listen to classic rock station Q107 in the To-ronto region will recognize us as their charity of choice through Derringerrsquos Thir-teen Days of Christmas campaign
Based in Newmarket On-tario the CCAA is an active and vibrant organization that in addition to its variety of program offer-ings is also involved in public safety advocacy That advo-cacy started with the early release from prison of one of the perpetra-tors in the Maple Leaf Gardensrsquo child sex abuse scandal Many surviving victims were traumatized again this time by the system The
CCAA went public with its concerns that day and the public safety advocacy program was born
Later the CCAA wrote a sweeping report titled Martinrsquos Hope named in memory of Martin Kruze (the first victim to courageously go public with the story of his abuse at the Gardens and who later tragi-cally took his own life) that made 60 recommendations for legislative and policy change to the criminal justice system These recommenda-tions were gleaned from round-
table discussions with over 150 front-line criminal justice system professionals crime victims and survivors To this day members of the Kruze family sit on the CCAA Board of Directors
After the initial public release of the Martinrsquos Hope report in the fall of 2003 I knew that if repairs were to be made to the criminal justice system advocacy would have to be accelerated That advocacy began in earnest in early 2006 with the hiring of John Muise a volunteer with the CCAA and previously a Toronto police officer with signifi-cant experience in legislative and policy advocacy The hire coincided with new political winds blowing in Ottawa The CCAArsquos full-time public
safety program was born
Relationships already in existence were strength-ened new ones were made and the CCAA intensified its advocacy with politi-cians stakeholders and other decision makers In addition the CCAA courted media attention recogniz-ing the opportunity to get our message out
That advocacy included the preparation of written briefs in support of testi-mony before a number of decision making bodies including several appear-ances before the House of Commons Justice Commit-tee
ADVOCACY REWARDED The last three years have brought success on a number of fronts Progress on the criminal justice reform front is rarely if ever the result of one person or just one organization advocating for
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoMartinrsquos Hoperdquo in Memory of Martin Arnold Kruze From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 29
government Although there are specific circumstances under which the age of consent is 16 (or 18) the general age of consent remained at 14 For many in the child protection
world this has been a shame of what is otherwise a devel-oped and civilized land The fight is finally over with the passage and Royal Assent of this legisla-tion in July of 2008 This is a victory for the many people that fought the good fight and most importantly this law allows prose-cution of those adult predators who choose to sexually exploit 14
and 15 year old children
Review of federal corrections policy
In 2007 the federal government ordered an independent review of the federal corrections and parole system The CCAA attended the announcement of that review and subsequently appeared before the review team and provided detailed written recommendations for change The final report included a number of recommendations that the CCAA provided including those contained in Martinrsquos Hope A rollout of some report recommen-dations has already started includ-ing a pilot project for the use of electronic monitoring on serious and violent offenders who are on parole in communities
(Continued on page 30)
Dangerous offenders Having someone declared a dan-gerous offender is very difficult to do In fact there are fewer then 400 declared dangerous offenders in the country This amendment makes it easier to bring a dangerous offender application for a serious repeat con-victed offender before the court The end result should be we hope the detection and declaration of more dangerous offenders Dangerous offender designation is for life and results in indefinite lock-up of the offender with periodic judicial reviews
Community protection orders
Also known as ldquoSection 810rdquo orders they allow the state to monitor the activities of certain subjects mdash no longer under some form of sen-tence or other judicial release but still considered a danger mdash to be placed on a judicial order similar to a bail with control and monitoring conditions The legislation explicitly expands the controls that can be usedmdashfor example electronic moni-toringmdashand extends the length of the order from one year to two
Age of protection For longer than people care to remember advocates have fought to raise the general age of consent from 14 to 16 years of age Until recently those voices have been largely ignored by the federal
change but no one can deny the important roll played by the CCAA in advancing these reforms These are all original recommendations contained in the Martinrsquos Hope report The results as they say speak for themselves and include but are not limited to the follow-ing
Mandatory minimum sentences for Internet chi ld abuse offences
Over time courts have increasingly relied on so called ldquohouse arrestrdquo provisions (see section immediately below) when sentencing offenders found guilty of Internet child abuse and similar kinds of serious child exploitation offences The sen-tences were often way out of pro-portion to the gravity of the crimes Minimum sentences were legislated for a variety of crimes with the net effect of eliminating the ability of the court to impose ldquohouse arrestrdquo
Conditional sentences of imprisonment
Better known as ldquohouse arrestrdquo this measure brought in over a decade ago was being imposed by the courts for ever more serious of-fenders and offences Many violent and dangerous offenders were allowed to serve their term of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo at home Justice and public safety were compro-mised by this provision Although the Bill that finally passed was watered down significantly by opposition party demands the end result was a tightening of the cir-cumstances under which a sen-tence of this kind could be given
ldquoAfter the initial public
release of the Martinrsquos
Hope report in the fall
of 2003 I knew that if
repairs were to be made
to the criminal justice
system advocacy would
have to be acceleratedrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 30
munity committees and inquiries including the Federal Inquiry pre-sided over by Justice Major into the Air India bombing
Moving forward We are delighted to report that John Muise our Director of Public Safety has recently received a Governor-in-council appointment as a full-time member of the Na-tional Parole Board effective in May of 2009 Although this is a big loss
for the CCAA we are thrilled for John and we know that he will bring the same com-mitment to public safety in that position as he did with the CCAA We wish him the very best in this new and challenging role
Much progress has been made in the past three years with
more anticipated The federal gov-ernment has signaled its intention to finish the work it started and attempt a further repeal of condi-tional sentences of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo They have also said that they in-tend on amending certain aspects of parole legislation and moving on tightening up security (including drug interdiction) in federal prisons
As we kick off 2009 the CCAA has the following priorities
Enhanced training for law enforcement off icers involved in chi ld abuse
investigations The introduction of provincial ldquosafe havenrdquo legislation that would pro-
vide a distressed mother who has given birth (within 72 hours) to take her baby to a place of safety (for example fire station police station hospital emergency) no questions asked and drop the baby off The purpose is to avoid the unthinkable mdash dumpster aban-donment murder at birth This legislation exists in all 50 of the United States but has yet to to be introduced in this country
Parole reform In addition the CCAA will work with partners on two parole and corrections recommendations They include legislating breach of parole as an offence for which a police officer has a power of arrest Com-plimentary to this the replacement of statutory release (automatic release after serving two thirds of a sentence) with regular earned parole Both recommendations were included in the final report of the Corrections Review Team and had been provided with others by the CCAA
We at the CCAA believe that much has been done on the criminal justice reform and public awareness front We are grateful for the pro-gress thus far and proud of the part we have played in moving the public safety agenda along
There is still much work to be done and the CCAA will step up to carry on this most important work
Selection of judges In recognition of the importance of the justice selection process the federal government has recently expanded the scope of people selected to sit on the regional Judicial Advisory Committees tasked with vetting potential ap-pointments and providing recom-mendations to the federal Attorney General and Minister of Justice for final selection Although still dominated by judges and lawyers a wider variety of voices and minds is now part of the selection proc-ess This is welcome news I am one of those voices I sit on one of the regional committees itrsquos an appointment we can all be proud of
Gun crime and other victim focused matters
Although outside the specific man-date of the CCAA (and not included in the Martinrsquos Hope report) in recognition of the impact on com-munities and particularly at risk children and youth the CCAA also appeared before the House of Commons Committee in support of mandatory minimum sentences for serious gun crimes and for amend-ments that tighten up the bail system for those charged with serious gun-related offences
In addition several crime victim supportive briefs were prepared for a number of safe school and com-
The CCAA (Continued from page 29)
ldquoWe at the CCAA hellip are
grateful for the progress
thus far and proud of
the part we have played
in moving the public
safety agenda alongrdquo
February 2009
Page 31
higher than its current statistical significance would suggest I would suggest itrsquos about one in four of the men I deal with 25 compared to the 16 suggested in the cur-rent literature If you allow for the fact that many of the men I work with have come from dysfunctional families that have been dysfunc-tional for generations the higher rate of incidence will hardly be surprising
I really had no idea when I started this job that I would have a head-
on collision with CSA No idea at all I was in my pre-survivor life My own past experi-ences were like a dormant volcano Sure some smoke would puff out every now and then for no readily apparent rea-son but no major eruption But as I heard more and more stories told by men in their own abyss of despair and self loath-ing things started to bubble within me
I remember the first man who disclosed to me He did not really intend to He started to tell part of a story and I just knew I just knew What he did say was part of an institutional abuse situa-tion that gained public awareness in the media After that story broke many men came forward as well to tell their story of how they too were abused as boys in a school
Inside
By Geeders (Jim)
W hen I was first asked to write about my experi-ences working in a jail I
wasnrsquot really sure what I could say about it Can I say this or should I say that Was it going to be really negative or show promise of better days ahead And what about me mdashthe new me mdash dealing with issues of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) at the same time as the men I see and work with How the hell was (or is) that going to work Well it is a work in progress after all and one that seems to evolve as I change and as I become more comfortable with my own sense of a new self
Let me begin by saying that there is nothing in this article that would meet the rigours of clinical dissection Equally important I do not work with sexual offenders What I am going to say is purely my experience based on personal observation No scientific analysis can be attributed to it apart from what we already know or suspect One in six men will have been sexually assaulted or abused by the time they are 18 It has long been opined that the number of abused men is actually
setting that was really a cover for juveniles in trouble with the law
The inmate I was working with did not come forward at that time He couldnrsquot His disclosure to me was the first time he had ever said anything about his abuse No one else knew mdash no one He was alone His pain was palpable and obvious His shame and guilt were profound Never had he admitted to himself what had happened in that school let alone admitted to a total stranger until that very moment I listened to his pain tried to console him just let him cry Eventually over the course of a couple of interviews it became obvious to me why he was in jail Any self-esteem that he had as a boy or young man was destroyed by his abuse His very essence was rewritten by the men who had abused him Teens get into trouble but they can also learn to later stay out of it by fol-lowing the teachings of those they trust But for this young man his ability to trust was destroyed by the very people who were sup-posed to care for him nurture him and dare I say it love him appro-priately What was even more tragic is that this man came from a cul-ture that has low tolerance for anything that even remotely resem-bles homosexuality
Being abused sent this man on a downward spiral that ultimately turned him into a drug addict by his own admission a junkie who hated himself for what ldquohe had
(Continued on page 32)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoOver the course of
several related careers I
have seen a lot of good
being done Irsquove also
seen a lot of ugliness
that even by todayrsquos
standards defies the
most common
sensibilities we have as
human beingsldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 32
donerdquo His shame and guilt and culture prevented him saying any-thing about what happened It cut him off from any legal action that might take place and removed any sort of financial compensation that he might gain as a result of his abuse It eventually cut him off from his own family because his drug abuse prevented him from working and supporting his wife and family It destroyed his ability to be a good dad and husband A few years later I saw him back in jail again
When I did encounter him again it was with an in-creased sense of awareness within me Every time a man disclosed to me that he had been sexually abused or assaulted I started to die inside A little piece of me just died every time a man said to me what I could not say to myself or anyone else That dormant volcano started to fume a bit more regularly
Over the course of several related careers I have seen a lot of good being done Irsquove also seen a lot of ugliness that even by todayrsquos standards defies the most common sensibilities we have as human beings It exists Itrsquos around every corner if we choose to look at it Along with the ugly we have the good We have people who are willing to take a stand and come forward to say to the world ldquoWe
Inside (Continued from page 31)
have a problem here itrsquos not going to go away and it needs to be fixedrdquo I had the good fortune to meet many of these people last year at a conference on male sex-ual victimization By then I had been able to learn from the men that I serve that perhaps I too could learn to tell someone Could I be a survivor too
Men in jail are there for a reason Whether itrsquos to protect society while they await trial or from
themselves or while sentenced they are here Whether I think they should be here is irrelevant They are usually at the end of their ropes Their lives are upside down and in turmoil They are frequently in withdrawal from illicit drug use They are in the bottom of a pit from which there does not appear to be an escape or refuge They are desperate and will act desperately
if needed They are angry and no longer have any control over their lives Someone has taken that control away from them They have no choice but to comply Failure to comply results in loss of privileges which can include being prohibited from contact with those they love the most Forced co-habitation with other men can evoke strong memories of prior abuse which they cannot deal with let alone understand It can be isolation
They are alone and cannot speak about their issues for fear of being discovered and further stigmatized and trau-matized by a peer group that cannot tolerate differences or diversity
I have been fortunate in that for some reason men trust me and feel safe and able to disclose And when they do you can see the relief on their faces They are scared for sure but it has always seemed to be a relief I have to ask them I have no choice because itrsquos part of my job But now as a survivor myself I can tell them they are not alone I cannot tell them about me but I can tell them they are not alone that they
are among the approximately one in six men who are assaulted or abused when they are boys or young men I can tell them about the few resources we have avail-able for men which are a 100 improvement compared to what they had when they first walked into my office I tell them about MaleSurvivor and have MS posters up in my office I can tell them that
ldquoTougher than lsquoNamrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 33
Maybe not I prefer to think that I have shown them that there is hope There is life in being a survi-vor they donrsquot have to be held hostage any longer by a secret that was put upon them by an abuser I prefer to think that I have been able to show them that they do not have to be ashamed for being male When I speak with them Irsquom a straight shooter I calls rsquoem as I sees lsquoem I use words they can understand mdash street language mdash which helps them understand their bodies and to understand that Mother Nature made them to be reactive and responsive I tell them that simply because their bodies reacted that their bodies re-sponded while being abused did not make the abuse their fault It takes a while to get there at times But the relief when the penny drops and they realize that they themselves were in no way respon-sible for the abuse is quite remark-able
Just this week Irsquove been working with a man who actually smiled when he came into my office He said ldquoI finally get it It wasnrsquot my faultrdquo He then went on to tell me that immediately prior to his at-tending in my office he had just disclosed to his sister while on the phone in his jail area surrounded by other inmates While it was perhaps not the safest venue for a disclosure he made his own deci-sion He said he was taking control As a 35 year old this man has not been in control since he was first abused at age seven Subsequent abuse only reinforced for him that he was an object a thing not worth anything Relationship after relationship failed him as he con-tinued to relive issues of abandon-
there are over 6000 people regis-tered at MS and that when they get out they will find tremendous support at the MS website I can tell them about Weekends of Re-covery without disclosing that attending a WOR was one of the best things I have done with my life They will know that they are no longer alone And not once has anyone asked me directly about me If they did I could not reply which in a round about way is a reply But I cannot reply Why The institution that I work in can be as intolerant of differences and diver-sity as the inmates are of each other The whole notion of male abuse and assault simply does not exist It is not spoken of It will not be spoken of mdash until now
Because abuse is now spoken of I have been able to create a support network for inmates and for myself Itrsquos a small step but a step never-theless Itrsquos spoken of now at a level never before reached in terms of official support and direction Support has yet to be defined but I have a mandate now to do a better job for male survivors Itrsquos on paper Itrsquos my goal
Safety of all concerned has to remain first and foremost mdash safety for the inmate safety for me With inmates disclosing to me often for the first time I am struck by what happens next A huge can of worms is opened And for what There is little safety here little opportunity to follow up The court system tosses these men around like dice One day they are here the next they are God knows where Have I done something that perhaps I shouldnrsquot have Maybe
ment physical and sexual abuse sexual orientation confusion anger management substance abuse domestic violence self respect low self esteem boundaries mdash these and much more impact upon this man daily But hersquos making a start Itrsquos another chance We all need them
I would be remiss to not mention the support of my colleagues Some of them do know about me and they have been tremendously supportive and understanding They too share a belief that it is possible for men to become survivors I cannot imagine doing this work everyday without their ongoing support I love you guys
The resources I refer to are few the Menrsquos Project in Ottawa The Gate-house in Toronto as well as local sexual assault centres I discovered on my own road to recovery that our local sexual assault centre does in fact offer services to men but does not advertise this due to the fear of being inundated with refer-rals They simply are not equipped to handle what surely lies out in my community When the report of the Cornwall Inquiry comes out later this year it is my belief that it will force our government our society to re-examine how its treatment of boys and men is provided Hope-fully those who are like I was feeling alone fearful uncomfortable in their own skin will feel more enabled to come forward to shed that skin that was put on them by their abuser(s) and step out of the ordinary letting their souls ascend and become free
Vol 2 No 2
Page 34
A History of Male Survi-vor Services in Queacutebec
and First Nations Communities
By Caroline Benamza (dance and drama therapistpsychotherapist at CRIPHASE)
And by Benoicirct St Jean (Director of CRIPHASE)
Contact Tel +1-514-529-55-67 Email infocriphaseorg
Website wwwcriphaseorg
T he latest statistics in Queacutebec show that one out of every six men has been sexually
abused before the age of 18 but there are very few statistics regard-ing male survivors and this estima-tion is only based on reported abuse Most adult men or boys who are survivors go unnoticed because most of the services in Queacutebec are exclusively for women In 2008 the male population in Queacutebec was about 3800000 of which about 3000000 are above 20 years of age (from the Institut de la Statistique) Therefore we can estimate that in Queacutebec there are around 500000 male survivors actually visible within the different health care services justice system and police departments The num-ber is already frightening for a seemingly peaceful society like Queacutebec When it comes to Native American communities as many as 80 of boys have been sexually abused before the age of 18 This number is quite similar mdash but for different reasons mdash to the male population within the Federal or Provincial prisons
The reality of male survivors of sexual abuse in childhood has remained in the dark for years in Queacutebec and it is only in the last four years that the government has acknowledged the necessity of funding counseling services for male survivors Historically it can be explained The first services for survivors have been developed since the 1960s within the very strong Queacutebeacutecois feminist move-ments The women have built along the years a strong network of ser-vices for female vic-tims of sexual abuse and domestic vio-lence Today these services still exist as the CALACS (Centres dAide et de Lutte contre les Agressions agrave Caractegravere Sexuel = Sexual Assault Cen-tres) network for survivors of sexual abuse Due to a strong belief in pro-viding a safe haven for women survivors men were turned away from these services and had nowhere to go Only two survivorsrsquo centres in the Montreal area outside the CALACS network welcomed men but those men represent only 5 of clients
This situation became obvious when the CAVAC (Centre drsquoAide pour les Victime drsquoActes Criminels = Crime Victims Assistance Centres) started to provide counseling ser-
vices to victims of criminal acts who wished to press charges and go through a court procedure The first services in Queacutebec for male survivors therefore came from a strong need in the society In 1996 the CAVAC decided to fund an experimental program directed by Denis Reneacute to offer a support group for male survivors This program was named the PHASE Groups (Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = For Men Sexually Abused in Child-
hood) With the suc-cess of these first groups between 1996 and 1997 the CAVAC of Montreal tried to secure funding for the continuation of services Unfortu-nately the PHASE Groups suffered from the double status it carried within the government the Minister of Justice that was the main funder of the CAVAC refused to fund a counseling service supposedly to be funded by the Health Minister Later the Health Minister turned down the
funding because as part of CAVAC the program should have been funded by the Minister of Justice
So it was in 1997 that Denis Reneacute decided to secure the future of the PHASE Groups by registering them
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoWhen it comes to
Native American
communities as many
as 80 of boys have
been sexually abused
before the age of 18
This number is quite
similarmdashbut for different
reasonsmdashto the male
population within the
Federal or Provincial
prisonsrdquo
February 2009
Page 35
intimacy and sexuality issues) and PHASE Artistique (a 10 weeks art and movement therapy program) with a holistic approach to body and mind recovery
In 2008 the very first weekend of recovery (named PHASE Weekend) was created and CRIPHASE wishes to make the weekend an annual event In 2003 for the first time
CRIPHASE became a full member of the Table de Concertation en Agressions Sexuelles (a gathering of several organizations providing services to survivors in addition to representatives from the Justice the Health Minister and the police) This cooperation allows a better understanding of survivor issues and needs as well as a better coor-
within a non-profit organization that took the name CRIPHASE (Centre de Resources et drsquointervention Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = Resource and Intervention Centre for Men who have been Sexually Abused in Childhood) For 10 years the Groups have survived on pri-vate funding and have provided two recovery Groups called PHASE 1 and PHASE 2 Each PHASE is a 10-week program serving non-offending male survivors over 18 years of age and of all sexual orienta-tions With its first public funding in 2004 of $38000 a director was en-gaged by the board of administration and in 2008 the PSOC (a funding body within the agency of Health and Social Services) fi-nally secured the future of CRIPHASE with a first major funding rooting CRIPHASE in the circle of sexual abuse survivors centres
Since 2006 CRIPHASE has devel-oped a major politics of visibility through the media conferences and meetings with the different actors of the Queacutebeacutecois stage Three more programs have been developed within CRIPHASE PHASE Conjoint (for partners of male survivors) PHASE Sexo (a 10 weeks program of recovery focusing on
dination of services on the ground From within the Table CRIPHASE has been able to educate people on the issue of male survivors and participate or initiate projects such as the Information Guide for Sexual Assault Victims and the first pre-vention mobilization and aware-ness march for sexual abuse survi-vors in 2008 The presence of CRIPHASE at the Table has also
allowed the feminists within the CALACS to have a better under-standing of the suffer-ing of male survivors who are also victims in their own way of an old patriarchal system CRIPHASE was also finally incorporated in the CALACS coordina-tion groupmdashcalled Table des CALACS mdash in 2008
Until 2008 there were no services provided in English (Queacutebec is a French-speaking province where Eng-lish speakers are a minority) due to lack of funding to translate the PHASE 1 docu-ments and employ English-speaking therapists The project
to offer groups in English had been put aside for years but finally in 2008 the first groups of PHASE 1 and 2 opened for English speakers The PHASE Artistique and PHASE Weekend are now bilingual pro-grams
(Continued on page 36)
Phone calls received at CRIPHASE
male survivors
therapists
relatives and loved ones
other
The average male survivor using the services at CRIPHASE is aged between 35 and 55
Vol 2 No 2
Page 36
Male survivors in the Native American
communities Recovery programs within Native American communities are only starting Many Native American men were sexually abused as well as psychologically and emotionally abused when they were sent to boarding schools across the province for assimila-tion The effects of this traumatic experience (including historic trauma) can be seen in all First Nations of Queacutebec Algonquians Cris Innus Abenakis Innuits Micmacs and so forth Today there is a strong need of heal-ing for this lost gen-eration but traumatic experiences and con-sequences have been passed on to the next generations Unfortu-nately sexual abuse is one of these problems which need to be addressed through prevention and coun-seling in a way that will integrate Native American traditions and their holistic ap-proach to medicine Such programs already exist within some communi-ties Organizations like GRIPMA (Groupe de Recherches et dInter-ventions Psychosociales en Milieu Autochtone = Research and Inter-vention group in Aboriginal Com-munities) located in the Huron
History of Male Survivor Services (Continued from page 35)
community of Wendake (near Queacute-bec city) provide a clinical expertise in intervention within Native Ameri-can communities On the other side the Aboriginal Healing Foun-dation based in Ottawa is currently funding 16 recovery projects for the First Nations in Queacutebec ad-dressing sexual abuse addiction prevention of suicide boarding schools trauma etc until 2010
Last year the publication of the five-year funding plan on sexual abuse by the provincial govern-ment of Queacutebec has seen the recognition of male survivors as a population in great need of ser-vices It has also recognized the necessity of providing services to the First Nations communities
Things are changing in Queacutebec for male survivors Because CRIPHASE is the only organization providing support and counseling to men in Queacutebec who have been sexually abused in childhood there is great hope for an increase of funding this year The constant develop-ment of CRIPHASE and the increase in phone calls and numbers of guys within the services (in 2008-
2009 there will be seven groups of PHASE 1 in-stead of five the year before) also show that men in Queacutebec are get-ting the right information on sexual abuse and services and are being encouraged to look for help and engage in re-covery
If you are one of these men in Queacutebec we are waiting for your call Remember you are not alone
For the annual march event please visit wwwmarchevasca (Information for the May 2009 march will be on line from February 2009)
Quilt Square by a Native Child from Alberta From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 37
MaleSurvivor is men surviving sexual abuse in Canada we will start with Canadarsquos sad legacy of abuse of children by clergy
A Brief Incomplete Canadian History
In Canada our First Nations People have had to bear the legacy of abuse they endured in Canadarsquos notorious residential schools Cur-rent issues of addictions and family and mental health problems amongst our First Nations people can be traced back to the legacy of abuse experienced by Native chil-dren in residential schools
Around 1874 the federal government began working with the churches (Catholic Anglican United and Presbyte-rian) to set up the Residential School System as a means to suppress Native cul-ture and promote assimilation In gen-eral children between the ages of five and 16 were taken from their parents and sent to church-run residen-tial schools The extent of the abuse in these church-run schools has been referred to as the ldquoCanadian Holocaustrdquo Recently the Canadian Government formed the Truth and Reconciliation Commis-sion (TRC) as part of the court-approved Indian Residential Schools Settlement Agreement The
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious
Leader By Nancy N Mayer MSW RSW
Partner Crisci amp Mayer Consultation Counselling and
Training Toronto wwwckmconsultationcom
Introduction
L ikely all the readers of this newsletter have knowledge and expertise about men
being physically sexually and emotionally abused Research tells us that abusers can come from any
walk of life and most often are known to the child or adult In the last decade abuse by clergy has finally ldquocome out of the closetrdquo so to
speak thanks to those brave survi-vors who have made public their experiences of being abused by clergy More than ever survivor groups are encouraging victims to report these crimes to the police and to consider seeking civil re-dress for their injuries Many groups believe that change in churches will only come when they are held accountable for the abuse perpetrated by clergy
This article will attempt to address the distinctive issues that are com-mon to this population of survivors Because the focus of this issue of
purpose of the commission is not to determine guilt or innocence but to create an historical account of the residential schools help people to heal and encourage reconciliation between Aboriginal and non-aboriginal Canadians
The notorious Mount Cashel Or-phanage is another Canadian leg-acy of sexual abuse by clergy This facility was operated in Newfound-land by the Christian Brothers More than a dozen priests were convicted after decades of abusing young boys at the orphanage
Mount Cashel Or-phanage closed in 1989 just six months after allegations of sexual physical and emotional abuse were published by the media (For more in depth information see Harris Michael Unholy Orders Trag-edy at Mount Cashel Ontario Viking Press 1990)
Like the US there have been hundreds and perhaps thou-sands of cases of children and vulner-
able adults abused by clergy in every religious denomination Unlike the US our country is not bound as strictly by statutes of limitations so lawsuits can proceed more freely Our sentences for convicted clerical sex offenders are
(Continued on page 38)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Nancy N Mayer
ldquo[First Nations] children
between the ages of five
and 16 were taken from
their parents and sent to
church-run residential
schools The extent of
the abuse in these
church-run schools has
been referred to as the
lsquoCanadian Holocaustrsquoldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 38
nowhere near as severe as those of our American neighbours Most first offenders will not serve a day in jail The civil awards for personal inju-ries are also quite low Our court system promotes set-tling these cases out of court When a case fails to go to trial it is not part of the public re-cord The widespread use of confidentiality orders media fatigue and Canadian reserve means that it is impos-sible to obtain accurate statistics on how often men are abused by clergy or even the ex-tent of the problem in this country
The Authority of Rel igious Leaders Religious organizations have always played a central role in our so-cieties They provide moral ethical and spiritual guidance Reli-gious teachings have given us a context and meaning for our lives Most religious belief revolves around a divine power or God Religious leaders (ministers priests rabbis elders nuns) are thought to be Godrsquos earthly repre-sentatives and are treated with reverence and respect They have intimate involvement with families and children at such vulnerable times as an illness death or other family crises They may have access
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 37)
to confidential information by virtue of their roles of confessor or counsellor A child brought up by religious parents is taught to re-spect these men and women Oth-ers associated with churches mdash choir leaders teachers cantors youth group leaders mdash are also considered trustworthy by virtue of their close
association with their religious organizations Most parents en-courage their childrenrsquos participa-tion in church-based activities believing them to be safe and wholesome
These leaders are considered to be esteemed authorities and as repre-sentatives of God wield a great deal of power Depending on the faith group there may be teachings
that support an unquestioning adherence to their instructions and guidance This makes children and vulnerable adults particularly sus-ceptible to exploitation by this group because they have access opportunity and trust
Misuse of Power Perpetrators can utilize their positions of power and trust to gain access to their victims some-times for extended periods of uninterrupted time They may tell children that they are being asked to ldquoserve Godrdquo or that they or their families will be punished if they do not do as instructed Chil-dren may be threatened with eternal damnation or blamed for leading the religious leader into sin If the religion con-siders premarital sex or same sex contacts as sinful the guilt will be compounded
In most cases the victim will not disclose or may disclose but not be
believed A child will have a difficult time convincing adults that he or she has been victimized The vic-timrsquos family culture or communi-ties have been socialized to see their religious leaders as unques-tionably good and incapable of lies This can lead to others denying or minimizing the victimrsquos experience of abuse The victim is initially harmed by the abuser and then is revictimized by those who cannot
ldquoMay Hope be Passed through Every Handrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 39
institutionrsquos response and lack of compassion and pastoral care
The Impact on Spir ituality
The frequently used term ldquosoul murderrdquo aptly describes what hap-pens when the abuser is a religious leader When the response of the religious institu-tion to a disclosure of abuse is experienced as self-serving and uncaring the survivor will likely lose his faith in the religious community of which he has been a part To belong and to feel connected is a basic human need When abused by clergy the loss of connection and belonging to what may have been a spiritual anchor can be devastating
To compound the harm the abuse may have occurred in a religious building The abuser may have worn traditional cleri-cal attire or may have made religious or biblical refer-ences As a result being exposed to religious symbols music or any other reminder can trigger flashbacks and other uncomfortable physical symptoms
The cleric is often considered Godrsquos representative on earth This gives the cleric power that surpasses his position and status When abuse is at the hands of a minister nun
accept that their spiritual leaders are capable of abuse There are many stories of clergy abuse survi-vors being abandoned by their religious communities (who side with the cleric) and their families who cannot face leaving the church that has given their lives meaning and comfort The resultant feelings of betrayal and abandonment are profound
The Role of the Religious Inst itutions
When religious institutions hold themselves up as ethical compasses and arbitrators of right and wrong society has an expectation that church leaders will act in a fair and moral way Many US Commissions and Grand Juries and Canadian reports such as the Winter Com-mission Report (Archdiocese of St Johns Newfoundland Canada 1990) Child Abuse in Community Institutions and Organizations and Improving Public and Professional Understanding (prepared for the Law Commission of Canada) all record and explain the dynamics that have lead to the failure of religious institutions to protect our children
While it is well known that any institution mdash educational recrea-tional or spiritual mdash is not immune from having sex offenders in its midst the religious institutions have a particular legacy of protect-ing the institution through aggres-sive legal tactics versus truth telling and reconciliation Many victims state that they have been less wounded by the actual abuse and profoundly more damaged by the
priest rabbi minister or elder the recipient of the abuse may experi-ence profound guilt for ldquoparticipatingrdquo in ldquosinfulrdquo behaviour mdash a mistaken belief that he is respon-sible for the abuse or shame that
he has ldquosinnedrdquo He may believe he is deserving of rejection or eternal damnation If he confesses he risks exposing the cleric who has likely done what he could to trick the victim into believing that he must maintain silence and secrecy One survivor describes feeling that rdquoIt was like being abused by God him-self If even God couldnrsquot love me how could anyone else ever love merdquo
These factors alone can leave a man who has been abused by clergy unable to find comfort and solace in what used to be his spiritual beliefs and his church Without these familiar beliefs the survivor is aban-
doned and alone when he most needs support
The Role of Gender While woman are ordained in some denominations there is still an imbalance of power between men and women in many religious tradi-tions For boys and men abused by male clerics embarrassment and
(Continued on page 40)
ldquoThe frequently used
term lsquosoul murderrsquo aptly
describes what happens
when the abuser is a
religious leader When
the response of the
religious institution to a
disclosure of abuse is
experienced as self-
serving and uncaring
the survivor will likely
lose his faith in the
religious community of
which he has been
a partrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 40
concerns of how they will be per-ceived promote silence For the boy or man abused by a female cleric there may be worries that he will be labelled the seducer or pres-sured to consider this ldquorelationshiprdquo as non-abusive
The study conducted by the John Jay Col-lege of Criminal Jus-tice regarding The Nature and Scope of the Problem of Sexual Abuse of Minors by Priests and Deacons in the Catholic Church (Washington DC USCCB 2004) found some very disturbing information about the age and gender of victims The largest group of reported victims (509) was between the ages of 11 and 14 273 of victims were 15 to 17 16 were eight to 10 and nearly 6 were under age seven Overall 81 of vic-tims were male and 19 female Male victims tended to be older than female victims Over 40 of all victims were males between the ages of 11 and 14
The largest group of reported victims in this study consisted of boys who were entering puberty This is a tumultuous time in most
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 39)
young menrsquos lives To have this period of development disrupted can contribute to many mental health problems including lack of confidence disruption of emo-tional sexual and psycho-social development isolation sexual identity confusion depression anxiety and abuse of substances
In Summary The harm experienced by those
who are abused by clergy is profound and multifaceted Some therapists will not want to work with survivors of clergy abuse due to the complexity of their issues their limited knowledge of the subject area possible religious biases and potential for litigation Most (but certainly not all) survivors will have experienced revictimization by their churches or religious institutions This compounded by abuse by a religious leader in a position of power will under-standably lead to unique challenges Survivors will have
significant trust issues that can impede the forming of a trusting therapeutic relationship with a therapist who will also be in a position of power and may be an employee of an institution With transparency and skill on the part of the therapist and tenacity on the part of the survivor effective thera-
peutic partnership can be achieved While recovery is difficult it is possible
The irony is that many survivors of abuse by clergy have a strong sense of integrity morality and perseverance They learned the lessons that the ldquoreligiousrdquo offend-ers failed to learn At the core of their beings these clergy abuse survivors are the prophets who have come to speak the truth and reveal the abuse and the decep-tions It is this desire for social justice truth telling belonging and connection that will allow a healthy spiritual belief system to rise out of the ashes of what has happened It is this healthy spiritual belief that makes many clergy abuse survivors persistent and tenacious in seeking recovery and social justice They are making a difference and chang-ing the world as we know it
ldquoThe harm experienced
by those who are
abused by clergy is
profound and
multifaceted Some
therapists will not want
to work with survivors
of clergy abuse due to
the complexity of their
issues their limited
knowledge of the
subject area possible
religious biases and
potential for litigationldquo
February 2009
Page 41
tion of it earlier in the lsquo90s but 1997 is when there was a critical mass of mostly male survivors coming forward and taking action against Maple Leaf Gardens Your question specifically was ldquoDid it play a role in my choice of ca-reersrdquo
MS Yes
SJ Yes and no The Maple Leaf
Gardens cases were not my first sexual assault cases but my in-volvement in these cases solidified my interest and desire to help sur-vivors
MS Could you take a few minutes to explain to our readers just what the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal was and why it has played a central role in revealing the extent of sex-ual abuse at least in the Toronto area
of my clients will say something like ldquoYou know this is not about the money I donrsquot care how much I get this is about something elserdquo And whatever that person seeks mdash an apology or the empowerment of filing a lawsuit or a million other unique things mdash that is why I do this kind of work Itrsquos about helping people through whatever process they need in order to begin that healing process the moving forward process
MS And also to provide your clients with a sense of justice
SJ Absolutely Justice is really not about the money itrsquos about the knowledge that theyrsquove come forward theyrsquove done something and theyrsquove empowered themselves It takes a tre-mendous amount of courage to do that I am always in awe of my cli-ents for the amount of courage they have They are my inspiration
MS Many Americans are unaware of the so-called Maple Leaf Gar-dens sex scandal that began some-time in the 1960s but didnrsquot come to wide public attention until 1997 the year after you began practicing law Did this scandal have some affect on your choice of career
SJ Actually the scandal did come to prominence before 1997 There was scattered media atten-
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 1)
SJ Sure There was a series of men who were employed at Maple Leaf Gardens which was the home of the Toronto Maple Leafs mdash the hockey club mdash who over a period of a couple of decades sexually abused probably hundreds of chil-dren It started in the lsquo60s it went on we believe until the early lsquo80s There were two principal men in-volved but there were at least three
others who also were ac-cused In order to under-stand why the Maple Leaf Gardens sex scandals are as important as they are you have to understand that hockey in Toronto and hockey in Canada is almost a religion Hockey is to Canadians what the NFL or Major League Baseball is to Americans Every little boy dreams of about becoming the next Wayne Gretzky becoming the best hockey player he can be Maple Leaf Gar-dens was the home of one of the best loved and biggest hockey teams mdash the Toronto Maple Leafs The Gardens was the high
temple of hockey in Canada and still is In the lsquo60s lsquo70s and even the lsquo80s children mdash mostly boys mdash would go to Maple Leaf Gardens usually unaccompanied by their parents because back then nobody really thought that anything bad would happen to them at the Gar-dens The boys would go there ei-ther for practice games or to watch the Maple Leafs play or more likely they would go to watch To-
(Continued on page 42)
ldquoMaple Leaf Gardens in Memory of Martin Kruzerdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 42
ronto Marlies games The Marlies were the farm team for the Toronto Maple Leafs During these games and these practices the pedophiles who worked at the Gardenrsquos would often befriend these boys seeking out boys who were more vulner-able than others most likely and would sexually assault the boys sometimes off-property but most often within the Gardens itself They would use their position as employees of the Gardens to be able to say to the boys if you come with me Irsquoll get you a broken hockey stick or hockey puck or Irsquoll get you into better seats the next game or whatever other type of inducement would be necessary to get the boys to go with them into either a washroom or a training room or other private place where the boys would be sexually abused
In 1997 there were about 50 or 60 cases all joined to-gether and Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Entertainment Ltd wanted to settle all the cases prior to the Toronto Maple Leafs moving into a new hockey rink called the Air Canada Center so as to have a clean slate at the new rink By and large a lot of the litigation was fin-ished before the team moved into the Air Canada Center but not all of it In fact there are probably 17 or 19 cases going through the court
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 41)
system today more than 10 years after the original large group of plaintiffs went through the court and I believe that new people will continue to come forward when they are strong enough
MS I understand that one of the principal plaintiffs in the case Mar-tin Kruze had settled with the owners or the operators of the Ma-ple Leaf Gardens in 1995 and that he signed a confidentiality agree-ment not to reveal the settlement
or perhaps even the details of what had happened to him Do you think that the confidentiality agree-ment Mr Kruze agreed to slowed down or hindered the full exposure of this scandal
SJ I think that any confidentiality agreement blocks public access to knowledge and to understanding so I do suspect that Martinrsquos confi-dentiality agreement did have some impact on the scandal re-
maining hidden for as long as it did Absolutely yes I believe that confidentiality agreements are in-herently difficult for plaintiffs be-cause they create and continue a cycle of secrecy Sexual assault is a crime that is almost always carried out in secret and the guilt and shame it produces is key in helping pedophiles maintain their hold over their victims Putting a confidential-ity agreement on a settlement just perpetuates the guilt and the shame
MS Unfortunately Martin Kruzersquos principal perpetrator received a shockingly light sen-tence for all his actions and I understand that this led to Martin com-mitting suicide shortly afterwards
SJ I would think that the perpetratorrsquos sentence was a part of why Martin chose to end his life yes It hap-pened relatively shortly after the sentencing and I suspect that it weighed heavily on Martinrsquos decision
MS Do you think that the sen-tence that the perpetrator received was a reflection of the then current attitude towards pedophiles and sexual abuse
SJ The sentence that the perpe-trator received was a reflection on the way that the Canadian justice system deals with criminals regard-ing personal crimes absolutely It was a very low sentence in keep-
Imants Kruze visiting his sonrsquos memorial quilt square in the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 43
obtain here versus how much they can obtain in the United States In the United States there is no cap for pain and suffering awards whereas here in Canada there is a very small cap mdash about $325000 If a survivor of sexual assault goes through the court system and even if they have a very good day in court in terms of compensation yoursquore probably looking at an award for dam-ages somewhere be-tween $200000 and $500000 Sometimes itrsquos actually less than $200000 and very very rarely more than $500000 so in that sense we are defi-nitely behind But I donrsquot think itrsquos a question of waiting 10 years to see if we ldquocatch uprdquo I think itrsquos just a fundamental difference in how our court system works and whatrsquos available to survivors in terms of compensation
If you mean that Canada is 10 years behind in dealing with other aspects of sexual assault then you are probably correct in terms of media attention public awareness and outrage Sexual assault is still largely an unreported unprose-cuted crime But things are getting better every day and as more and more survivors come forward posi-tive changes will continue to hap-pen
MS As Irsquom sure you know therersquos periodic discussion about tort re-
ing with what was handed out at the time and to a large extent itrsquos still in keeping with what is handed out right now
MS Are you still representing or have you represented anyone who is a plaintiff in this scandal
SJ I was very much involved in the core group of Maple Leaf Gar-dens survivors that came forward in 1997 I was on what was called the plaintiffsrsquo committee back then which was a group of a few lawyers who brought the litigation forward I represented a number of plaintiffs in the original group that came forward I have also represented quite a few men throughout the last 10 years and currently repre-sent two men in the last group of plaintiffs to come forward I have also been approached by at least two other men who may decide to pursue litigation
MS Dale English mdash who has spo-ken to you at some length mdash has said to me that either you or he or both of you have felt that Canada is perhaps 10 or more years behind the US in dealing with the issues of sexual abuse and sexual assault Could you elaborate on that com-ment
SJ I think it depends on what you mean by dealing with the is-sues If you mean dealing with the issues in terms of bringing civil cases forward to a certain extent we are behind One of the funda-mental differences between the United States and Canada is the way that our tort systems operate and specifically the amount of compensation that tort victims can
form in the United States mainly aimed at capping punitive dam-ages Irsquom wondering whether there is the mirror of that in Canada mdash whether therersquos any movement to-wards tort reform that would allow greater awards to victims
SJ Well there is and there isnrsquot In Canada itrsquos very difficult if not
impossible to get pu-nitive damages espe-cially if therersquos a criminal conviction The punitive damages that are available in Canada are very low A typical punitive damage award would be $20000 or $25000 - usually not much more than that So damages are quite restricted here in any event In terms of tort reform I think there is a global push by in-surance companies to
try to limit compensation whether in the States or here The things that the American Association of Justice are fighting for down in the States are the same things that the Ontario Trial Lawyers Association are fighting for here mdash the continued ability to sue for compensation un-hampered by legislative roadblocks benefitting powerful institutional defendants to the detriment of those who have suffered Ours is a much smaller playing field and therefore less money is at stake In terms of plaintiffsrsquo lawyers wersquore trying to maximize the compensa-tion that we can get for our client Every time we go to court we try
(Continued on page 44)
ldquoIf you mean that
Canada is 10 years
behind in dealing with
other aspects of sexual
assault then you are
probably correct in
terms of media
attention public
awareness and outrageldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 44
to get a higher damage award so that that case will be a building block for future cases There are always attempts to try to circum-vent the cap on pain and suffering damages that we have Itrsquos not an easy thing to do the cap has been in place in Canada for 32 years now It was put in place in 1977 by the Supreme Court of Canada and itrsquos unlikely to be overturned any-time soon Even though from a purely theoretical legal analysis that cap does not apply to pain and suffering damages for victims of sexual assault and sexual abuse the reality is that judges still use that cap as a high water mark even though it doesnrsquot formally apply mdash it is still a de facto cap and to be honest with you it is almost impos-sible to get anywhere near that cap for compensation for pain and suf-fering A typical pain and suffering award in Canada for childhood sex-ual abuse is somewhere between $100000 and $200000 Anything on top of that would be associated economic loss or care costs
MS Itrsquos quite unfortunate that even though therersquos no real cap the law behaves as if there were one
SJ Yep I couldnrsquot agree with you more Itrsquos very unfortunate
MS I understand that in 2005 the government of Ontario convened whatrsquos known as the Cornwall Pub-lic Inquiry Was the Inquiry con-vened to address the issues of sex-ual abuse and sexual assault and
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 43)
the way the justice system is han-dling it
SJ Thatrsquos probably one of the reasons the Inquiry was convened Thatrsquos one of the hopes The In-quiry was convened because of what was going on in a little city east of Toronto mdash a series of allega-tions against very prominent mem-bers of that community involving the sexual abuse of children over a period of many many years The idea behind the Inquiry is to try to figure out what happened and to put in place some recommenda-tions that will not only stop some-thing like the abuse in Cornwall from happening again but will also try to help those who were affected by the events in the first place And to some extent I think some good will come of the Inquiry Hopefully the recommendations will be good for survivors of childhood sexual abuse or any kind of sexual assault The Submission phase of the In-quiry officially ended late February 2009
MS Did you have the opportunity to testify before the Inquiry
SJ I did not personally testify before the Inquiry Testimony was generally limited to the people ac-tually involved mdash police officers vic-tims what not I was involved in the Inquiry with regards to a panel discussionroundtable that they had regarding the use of confiden-tiality agreements
MS As you probably know Male-Survivor was first founded in the early 1980s by a group of thera-pists who were concerned about support for victims of childhood
sexual abuse and although Male-Survivor is still not a very large or-ganization it has increased its in-fluence significantly over the years and Irsquom wondering whether there is a similar non-profit or other group in Canada that also is dedi-cated to helping victims of child-hood sexual abuse
SJ There are some grass roots organizations that deal with victims of childhood sexual abuse or adult sexual assault I donrsquot believe there is as cohesive a unit as MaleSurvi-vor I may be wrong on that but there are smaller more community based organizations that assist sur-vivors That being said resources available to survivors are unfortu-nately pretty limited
MS Is that because there are too few therapists in that form of prac-tice
SJ I think itrsquos a mixture of many different things First of all Canada has a much smaller population base mdash 30 million people as com-pared to 300 million in the United States mdash so you have significantly fewer people affected and there-fore you have significantly fewer resources available to those people The services that we do have will often have very long waiting lists before people can access them There are some very very good counselors in Canada assisting sur-vivors but unfortunately the waiting lists are sometimes long and the availability for public funding to provide services free of charge is somewhat limited
MS Is there anything in your opinion about the Canadian health
February 2009
Page 45
system that contributes to the scar-city of services
SJ I donrsquot know if itrsquos the Cana-dian health system I think that in Canada we have a pretty good public health system in the sense that anybody who needs medical services can access those services free of charge The problem is that a lot of these services are not covered under our health system per se Many are covered under either private plans or pay as you go type services and itrsquos just a question of finding the people who can provide these services and being lucky enough to get them when they either donrsquot have a waiting list or other-wise having to wait until your name comes up on that waiting list
MS And that could takes years in some cases it seems
SJ My understanding is that those waiting lists can be quite long but there are very good peo-ple out there Itrsquos just a question of finding them and being able to afford them
MS Can you elaborate on other differences between the US and Canada that affect the way survi-vors and perpetrators are treated by the legal system and the media
SJ The differences between Can-ada and the US are really huge On the surface Americans and Canadi-ans look pretty much the same dress the same talk the same eat the same foods and by and large watch the same TV but culturally there is a huge difference in the way we look at the world in the
way our legal system works and the way that people interact with one another
Americans are much more litigious by na-ture I think this is due to the fact that in the United States mdash at least as seen from the outside mdash the rights of the individual are paramount In Can-ada less so Canada is much more commu-nity-oriented We of-tentimes think about how something is going to affect others instead of looking at what an individual might be entitled to I think that the high
damage awards available through the American legal system are beneficial in sexual abuse cases as is the lack of a cap on awards which we have
In some ways though our legal system is much better for my cli-ents than the US system would be because of the way that our actual process works One of the things that I know is very damaging to a lot of plaintiffs in the United States is the whole discovery process tak-
ing depositions Depositions can go on for a huge number of days and pretty much everybody in the per-sonrsquos life can be called to give a deposition That is very troubling and painful for people who donrsquot necessarily want others to know about their abuse or donrsquot want to involve their family Here in Canada depositions mdash or what we call the examination for discovery mdash are lim-ited to the actual named parties in the lawsuit The defendant and the plaintiff are examined for discovery or deposed if you will Anyone who is not an actual party to the litiga-tion can only be discovered under court orders and itrsquos very difficult to get those court orders so in that sense itrsquos a much quicker cleaner process and less intrusive on some-onersquos life So that is probably a good thing
The other really huge difference between the two systems which I think does in fact impact on why a lot of these cases settle as opposed to going to court and oftentimes settle for very different amounts of money than they would if they went to court is that in Canada we have a ldquoloser paysrdquo system If you go to court and you lose you have to pay at least a portion of the fees incurred by the other side Letrsquos say the defendantrsquos settlement offer is $100000 If the plaintiff does not accept that $100000 and at trial the plaintiff gets $99000 then the plaintiff has to pay the lawyerrsquos fees of the defendant because the award is less than the settlement offer That is very difficult That means that a lot of cases are set-tled for probably less money than
(Continued on page 46)
ldquoOn the surface
Americans and
Canadians look pretty
much the same hellip but
culturally there is a
huge difference in the
way we look at the
world in the way our
legal system works and
the way that people
interact with one
anotherldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 46
MS I join you in that hope Any-thing that can advance the cause of not only helping people but also helping prevent further abuses is always going to be welcome If you could set forth a vision of how you would like to see the law and the therapeutic community in Canada evolve to handle matters of child-
hood sexual abuse and sexual assault mdash if you could influence the reform of institu-tions what would your vision be
SJ Oh Richard Wow Well first and foremost I would love to raise public aware-ness of this issue for various reasons I think that increased public awareness will not necessarily reduce the instances of abuse but will help improve how abuse is dealt with when itrsquos ongoing and after-wards Itrsquos very im-portant that when a child is hurt that
child knows that he can go to peo-ple for help and support All too often if kids get up enough cour-age to tell someone the reaction they get is not very positive I think that with increased public aware-ness hopefully people will under-stand that there are ways to deal with this that will decrease the amount of harm so public aware-ness is paramount
I would like the legal system to raise compensation awards for sur-
turning point in bringing to the publicrsquos attention that the sexual assault of children can happen does happen and itrsquos a very diffi-cult thing for anyone to go through whether theyrsquore little boys or grown men that were abused as children It brought childhood sex-ual abuse out of the shadows to a certain extent The scandal still garners media attention as new survivors come forward but not the same as it did 10 years ago
MS Would you say that the lack of inves-tigative reporting is a cultural phenomenon or is it that the news-papers donrsquot feel they have that role
SJ Oh no Canadian newspapers do feel that they have a role in investigating things but for whatever rea-son sexual abuse of children has not been a priority The Cana-dian media really has not been at the forefront of this issue the way the media in the United States has been and I think that is tremen-dously disappointing The lack of media attention means that we arenrsquot fostering the awareness within the public that we need in order to provide real help and ser-vices for survivors We need the mediarsquos help to bring this horrific crime to light and to help stop it from happening
they would get if they went to court because that risk of going to court and not getting at least the amount of the original offer weighs heavily on everyone Our system is designed and geared toward avoid-ing trials which can be good be-cause nobody really wants to go through a trial but can be bad be-cause people become very intimi-dated by the prospect of losing or not getting as much as the settle-ment offer and being indebted to the defendant for a lot of money Thatrsquos a scary scary thing to go through
With regards to the media the US has a media that by and large has helped out a lot with sexual abuse cases The whole issue of clergy abuse really started with investiga-tive reporting by the Boston Globe right
MS Right
SJ They really took that issue and just ran with it Here in Canada we really havenrsquot had the same kind of investigative media cover-age as yoursquove had which is why events like the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal are not as huge as they are down in the States
Before Martin Kruze committed sui-cide the media was only somewhat interested in the Maple Leaf Gar-dens scandal Martin Kruze was a figure because he had sued the Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Com-plex But after he committed sui-cide the media was really galva-nized and that was probably a
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 45)
ldquoThe lack of media
attention means that we
arenrsquot fostering the
awareness within the
public that we need in
order to provide real
help and services for
survivors We need the
mediarsquos help to bring
this horrific crime to
light and to help stop it
from happeningrdquo
February 2009
Page 47
ments but it canrsquot at this stage really happen through the courts
I would want there to be an ability for institutions or perpetrators mdash de-fendants mdash to look beyond mere dollars and cents and look toward healing the person that they have hurt either directly or indirectly All too often in these cases we really become tied up in the legal minu-tiae of things as opposed to defen-dants saying ldquoOK letrsquos step back here and letrsquos try to helprdquo
I wish that there were a real under-standing that these cases are not car accident cases and they should
not be treated as car accident cases My clients are not people whorsquove broken a leg and therefore need X amount of dollars in order to pay for medical services or whatnot And unfortu-nately that doesnrsquot necessarily happen
In terms of the thera-peutic community I would love to see counseling and therapy ses-sions be paid for through the pub-lic purse so that people who re-quire the services of highly-skilled counselors and therapists and psy-chologists can access those services without having to pay for them A lot of clients just donrsquot have the economic means to pay for such services until after they get a set-tlement and that could take years It would be wonderful to see those kinds of services funded the same way as a trip to the emergency room or a trip to your family doc-tor for a cold is funded Irsquod love to
vivors The amount of damage that can be done as a result of child-hood abuse or in fact any kind of sexual assault is tremendous It affects almost every aspect of someonersquos life It becomes inter-generational because it affects the people around the survivor and compensation awards are still very much a pale reflection of what is needed in order to help these peo-ple I hope that at some point our judges and our legislature under-stand that need and can corre-spondingly give appropriate and reasonable damage awards so that people can start to rebuild their lives in a meaningful way
I would love there to be an opportunity within our civil system for more than just compensation At this stage the only thing that a civil judge can do is award monetary compensation There are a lot of creative things that you can do within a settlement that are not purely fi-nancial that can give a lot of sol-ace to someone who has been abused whether that be in the form of some non-financial healing whether it be in the form of a situation where somebody can con-front their abuser if thatrsquos what they wish to do in a safe setting or whether itrsquos the ability for that sur-vivor to do something outside of pure simple dollars and put for-ward some sort of healing plan that is as individual as they are That can happen through settle-
be able to see that I think that that would go a long way to helping people earlier rather than later
Ultimately I wish that this situation didnrsquot exist anymore and I would be put out of business frankly
MS Well I can certainly sympa-thize with the way you feel but it would seem that you have a career ahead of you dealing with this problem
SJ Unfortunately I think you are right I think that instances of child-hood sexual abuse are not neces-sarily going down I think that insti-tutions are getting a little bit better at putting in place policies and sometimes even following their own policies to stop pedophiles from entering those institutions and preying on people that those insti-tutions are theoretically set up to serve but I think that as long as the problem of childhood sexual abuse is with us I will be out there trying to help anybody that I can
MS Is there anything else yoursquod like to say to our readers
SJ I think that organizations such as MaleSurvivor are imperative in helping people understand that they are not alone that itrsquos not their fault and there are ways to get help So hats off to an organi-zation such as yours The clients I have who are involved in your or-ganization are very very well served so I have to thank you for being a resource
MS Thank you very much for your kind comments and for your time Simona
ldquoUltimately I wish that
this situation didnrsquot exist
anymore and I would be
put out of business
franklyrdquo
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-
Vol 2 No 2
Page 28
The CCAA By Ellen Campbell [ellenccfaacom]
Founder and Executive Director Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness
A s some of you know the Canadian Centre for Abuse Awareness (CCAA) is a
national non-government charitable organization dedicated to eliminat-ing child abuse through advocacy education public awareness and prevention programs With help from community and corporate partners the CCAA provides accessible support healing and indi-vidual empowerment for adult survivors their fami-lies and caregivers through over 20 programs Those that listen to classic rock station Q107 in the To-ronto region will recognize us as their charity of choice through Derringerrsquos Thir-teen Days of Christmas campaign
Based in Newmarket On-tario the CCAA is an active and vibrant organization that in addition to its variety of program offer-ings is also involved in public safety advocacy That advo-cacy started with the early release from prison of one of the perpetra-tors in the Maple Leaf Gardensrsquo child sex abuse scandal Many surviving victims were traumatized again this time by the system The
CCAA went public with its concerns that day and the public safety advocacy program was born
Later the CCAA wrote a sweeping report titled Martinrsquos Hope named in memory of Martin Kruze (the first victim to courageously go public with the story of his abuse at the Gardens and who later tragi-cally took his own life) that made 60 recommendations for legislative and policy change to the criminal justice system These recommenda-tions were gleaned from round-
table discussions with over 150 front-line criminal justice system professionals crime victims and survivors To this day members of the Kruze family sit on the CCAA Board of Directors
After the initial public release of the Martinrsquos Hope report in the fall of 2003 I knew that if repairs were to be made to the criminal justice system advocacy would have to be accelerated That advocacy began in earnest in early 2006 with the hiring of John Muise a volunteer with the CCAA and previously a Toronto police officer with signifi-cant experience in legislative and policy advocacy The hire coincided with new political winds blowing in Ottawa The CCAArsquos full-time public
safety program was born
Relationships already in existence were strength-ened new ones were made and the CCAA intensified its advocacy with politi-cians stakeholders and other decision makers In addition the CCAA courted media attention recogniz-ing the opportunity to get our message out
That advocacy included the preparation of written briefs in support of testi-mony before a number of decision making bodies including several appear-ances before the House of Commons Justice Commit-tee
ADVOCACY REWARDED The last three years have brought success on a number of fronts Progress on the criminal justice reform front is rarely if ever the result of one person or just one organization advocating for
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoMartinrsquos Hoperdquo in Memory of Martin Arnold Kruze From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 29
government Although there are specific circumstances under which the age of consent is 16 (or 18) the general age of consent remained at 14 For many in the child protection
world this has been a shame of what is otherwise a devel-oped and civilized land The fight is finally over with the passage and Royal Assent of this legisla-tion in July of 2008 This is a victory for the many people that fought the good fight and most importantly this law allows prose-cution of those adult predators who choose to sexually exploit 14
and 15 year old children
Review of federal corrections policy
In 2007 the federal government ordered an independent review of the federal corrections and parole system The CCAA attended the announcement of that review and subsequently appeared before the review team and provided detailed written recommendations for change The final report included a number of recommendations that the CCAA provided including those contained in Martinrsquos Hope A rollout of some report recommen-dations has already started includ-ing a pilot project for the use of electronic monitoring on serious and violent offenders who are on parole in communities
(Continued on page 30)
Dangerous offenders Having someone declared a dan-gerous offender is very difficult to do In fact there are fewer then 400 declared dangerous offenders in the country This amendment makes it easier to bring a dangerous offender application for a serious repeat con-victed offender before the court The end result should be we hope the detection and declaration of more dangerous offenders Dangerous offender designation is for life and results in indefinite lock-up of the offender with periodic judicial reviews
Community protection orders
Also known as ldquoSection 810rdquo orders they allow the state to monitor the activities of certain subjects mdash no longer under some form of sen-tence or other judicial release but still considered a danger mdash to be placed on a judicial order similar to a bail with control and monitoring conditions The legislation explicitly expands the controls that can be usedmdashfor example electronic moni-toringmdashand extends the length of the order from one year to two
Age of protection For longer than people care to remember advocates have fought to raise the general age of consent from 14 to 16 years of age Until recently those voices have been largely ignored by the federal
change but no one can deny the important roll played by the CCAA in advancing these reforms These are all original recommendations contained in the Martinrsquos Hope report The results as they say speak for themselves and include but are not limited to the follow-ing
Mandatory minimum sentences for Internet chi ld abuse offences
Over time courts have increasingly relied on so called ldquohouse arrestrdquo provisions (see section immediately below) when sentencing offenders found guilty of Internet child abuse and similar kinds of serious child exploitation offences The sen-tences were often way out of pro-portion to the gravity of the crimes Minimum sentences were legislated for a variety of crimes with the net effect of eliminating the ability of the court to impose ldquohouse arrestrdquo
Conditional sentences of imprisonment
Better known as ldquohouse arrestrdquo this measure brought in over a decade ago was being imposed by the courts for ever more serious of-fenders and offences Many violent and dangerous offenders were allowed to serve their term of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo at home Justice and public safety were compro-mised by this provision Although the Bill that finally passed was watered down significantly by opposition party demands the end result was a tightening of the cir-cumstances under which a sen-tence of this kind could be given
ldquoAfter the initial public
release of the Martinrsquos
Hope report in the fall
of 2003 I knew that if
repairs were to be made
to the criminal justice
system advocacy would
have to be acceleratedrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 30
munity committees and inquiries including the Federal Inquiry pre-sided over by Justice Major into the Air India bombing
Moving forward We are delighted to report that John Muise our Director of Public Safety has recently received a Governor-in-council appointment as a full-time member of the Na-tional Parole Board effective in May of 2009 Although this is a big loss
for the CCAA we are thrilled for John and we know that he will bring the same com-mitment to public safety in that position as he did with the CCAA We wish him the very best in this new and challenging role
Much progress has been made in the past three years with
more anticipated The federal gov-ernment has signaled its intention to finish the work it started and attempt a further repeal of condi-tional sentences of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo They have also said that they in-tend on amending certain aspects of parole legislation and moving on tightening up security (including drug interdiction) in federal prisons
As we kick off 2009 the CCAA has the following priorities
Enhanced training for law enforcement off icers involved in chi ld abuse
investigations The introduction of provincial ldquosafe havenrdquo legislation that would pro-
vide a distressed mother who has given birth (within 72 hours) to take her baby to a place of safety (for example fire station police station hospital emergency) no questions asked and drop the baby off The purpose is to avoid the unthinkable mdash dumpster aban-donment murder at birth This legislation exists in all 50 of the United States but has yet to to be introduced in this country
Parole reform In addition the CCAA will work with partners on two parole and corrections recommendations They include legislating breach of parole as an offence for which a police officer has a power of arrest Com-plimentary to this the replacement of statutory release (automatic release after serving two thirds of a sentence) with regular earned parole Both recommendations were included in the final report of the Corrections Review Team and had been provided with others by the CCAA
We at the CCAA believe that much has been done on the criminal justice reform and public awareness front We are grateful for the pro-gress thus far and proud of the part we have played in moving the public safety agenda along
There is still much work to be done and the CCAA will step up to carry on this most important work
Selection of judges In recognition of the importance of the justice selection process the federal government has recently expanded the scope of people selected to sit on the regional Judicial Advisory Committees tasked with vetting potential ap-pointments and providing recom-mendations to the federal Attorney General and Minister of Justice for final selection Although still dominated by judges and lawyers a wider variety of voices and minds is now part of the selection proc-ess This is welcome news I am one of those voices I sit on one of the regional committees itrsquos an appointment we can all be proud of
Gun crime and other victim focused matters
Although outside the specific man-date of the CCAA (and not included in the Martinrsquos Hope report) in recognition of the impact on com-munities and particularly at risk children and youth the CCAA also appeared before the House of Commons Committee in support of mandatory minimum sentences for serious gun crimes and for amend-ments that tighten up the bail system for those charged with serious gun-related offences
In addition several crime victim supportive briefs were prepared for a number of safe school and com-
The CCAA (Continued from page 29)
ldquoWe at the CCAA hellip are
grateful for the progress
thus far and proud of
the part we have played
in moving the public
safety agenda alongrdquo
February 2009
Page 31
higher than its current statistical significance would suggest I would suggest itrsquos about one in four of the men I deal with 25 compared to the 16 suggested in the cur-rent literature If you allow for the fact that many of the men I work with have come from dysfunctional families that have been dysfunc-tional for generations the higher rate of incidence will hardly be surprising
I really had no idea when I started this job that I would have a head-
on collision with CSA No idea at all I was in my pre-survivor life My own past experi-ences were like a dormant volcano Sure some smoke would puff out every now and then for no readily apparent rea-son but no major eruption But as I heard more and more stories told by men in their own abyss of despair and self loath-ing things started to bubble within me
I remember the first man who disclosed to me He did not really intend to He started to tell part of a story and I just knew I just knew What he did say was part of an institutional abuse situa-tion that gained public awareness in the media After that story broke many men came forward as well to tell their story of how they too were abused as boys in a school
Inside
By Geeders (Jim)
W hen I was first asked to write about my experi-ences working in a jail I
wasnrsquot really sure what I could say about it Can I say this or should I say that Was it going to be really negative or show promise of better days ahead And what about me mdashthe new me mdash dealing with issues of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) at the same time as the men I see and work with How the hell was (or is) that going to work Well it is a work in progress after all and one that seems to evolve as I change and as I become more comfortable with my own sense of a new self
Let me begin by saying that there is nothing in this article that would meet the rigours of clinical dissection Equally important I do not work with sexual offenders What I am going to say is purely my experience based on personal observation No scientific analysis can be attributed to it apart from what we already know or suspect One in six men will have been sexually assaulted or abused by the time they are 18 It has long been opined that the number of abused men is actually
setting that was really a cover for juveniles in trouble with the law
The inmate I was working with did not come forward at that time He couldnrsquot His disclosure to me was the first time he had ever said anything about his abuse No one else knew mdash no one He was alone His pain was palpable and obvious His shame and guilt were profound Never had he admitted to himself what had happened in that school let alone admitted to a total stranger until that very moment I listened to his pain tried to console him just let him cry Eventually over the course of a couple of interviews it became obvious to me why he was in jail Any self-esteem that he had as a boy or young man was destroyed by his abuse His very essence was rewritten by the men who had abused him Teens get into trouble but they can also learn to later stay out of it by fol-lowing the teachings of those they trust But for this young man his ability to trust was destroyed by the very people who were sup-posed to care for him nurture him and dare I say it love him appro-priately What was even more tragic is that this man came from a cul-ture that has low tolerance for anything that even remotely resem-bles homosexuality
Being abused sent this man on a downward spiral that ultimately turned him into a drug addict by his own admission a junkie who hated himself for what ldquohe had
(Continued on page 32)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoOver the course of
several related careers I
have seen a lot of good
being done Irsquove also
seen a lot of ugliness
that even by todayrsquos
standards defies the
most common
sensibilities we have as
human beingsldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 32
donerdquo His shame and guilt and culture prevented him saying any-thing about what happened It cut him off from any legal action that might take place and removed any sort of financial compensation that he might gain as a result of his abuse It eventually cut him off from his own family because his drug abuse prevented him from working and supporting his wife and family It destroyed his ability to be a good dad and husband A few years later I saw him back in jail again
When I did encounter him again it was with an in-creased sense of awareness within me Every time a man disclosed to me that he had been sexually abused or assaulted I started to die inside A little piece of me just died every time a man said to me what I could not say to myself or anyone else That dormant volcano started to fume a bit more regularly
Over the course of several related careers I have seen a lot of good being done Irsquove also seen a lot of ugliness that even by todayrsquos standards defies the most common sensibilities we have as human beings It exists Itrsquos around every corner if we choose to look at it Along with the ugly we have the good We have people who are willing to take a stand and come forward to say to the world ldquoWe
Inside (Continued from page 31)
have a problem here itrsquos not going to go away and it needs to be fixedrdquo I had the good fortune to meet many of these people last year at a conference on male sex-ual victimization By then I had been able to learn from the men that I serve that perhaps I too could learn to tell someone Could I be a survivor too
Men in jail are there for a reason Whether itrsquos to protect society while they await trial or from
themselves or while sentenced they are here Whether I think they should be here is irrelevant They are usually at the end of their ropes Their lives are upside down and in turmoil They are frequently in withdrawal from illicit drug use They are in the bottom of a pit from which there does not appear to be an escape or refuge They are desperate and will act desperately
if needed They are angry and no longer have any control over their lives Someone has taken that control away from them They have no choice but to comply Failure to comply results in loss of privileges which can include being prohibited from contact with those they love the most Forced co-habitation with other men can evoke strong memories of prior abuse which they cannot deal with let alone understand It can be isolation
They are alone and cannot speak about their issues for fear of being discovered and further stigmatized and trau-matized by a peer group that cannot tolerate differences or diversity
I have been fortunate in that for some reason men trust me and feel safe and able to disclose And when they do you can see the relief on their faces They are scared for sure but it has always seemed to be a relief I have to ask them I have no choice because itrsquos part of my job But now as a survivor myself I can tell them they are not alone I cannot tell them about me but I can tell them they are not alone that they
are among the approximately one in six men who are assaulted or abused when they are boys or young men I can tell them about the few resources we have avail-able for men which are a 100 improvement compared to what they had when they first walked into my office I tell them about MaleSurvivor and have MS posters up in my office I can tell them that
ldquoTougher than lsquoNamrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 33
Maybe not I prefer to think that I have shown them that there is hope There is life in being a survi-vor they donrsquot have to be held hostage any longer by a secret that was put upon them by an abuser I prefer to think that I have been able to show them that they do not have to be ashamed for being male When I speak with them Irsquom a straight shooter I calls rsquoem as I sees lsquoem I use words they can understand mdash street language mdash which helps them understand their bodies and to understand that Mother Nature made them to be reactive and responsive I tell them that simply because their bodies reacted that their bodies re-sponded while being abused did not make the abuse their fault It takes a while to get there at times But the relief when the penny drops and they realize that they themselves were in no way respon-sible for the abuse is quite remark-able
Just this week Irsquove been working with a man who actually smiled when he came into my office He said ldquoI finally get it It wasnrsquot my faultrdquo He then went on to tell me that immediately prior to his at-tending in my office he had just disclosed to his sister while on the phone in his jail area surrounded by other inmates While it was perhaps not the safest venue for a disclosure he made his own deci-sion He said he was taking control As a 35 year old this man has not been in control since he was first abused at age seven Subsequent abuse only reinforced for him that he was an object a thing not worth anything Relationship after relationship failed him as he con-tinued to relive issues of abandon-
there are over 6000 people regis-tered at MS and that when they get out they will find tremendous support at the MS website I can tell them about Weekends of Re-covery without disclosing that attending a WOR was one of the best things I have done with my life They will know that they are no longer alone And not once has anyone asked me directly about me If they did I could not reply which in a round about way is a reply But I cannot reply Why The institution that I work in can be as intolerant of differences and diver-sity as the inmates are of each other The whole notion of male abuse and assault simply does not exist It is not spoken of It will not be spoken of mdash until now
Because abuse is now spoken of I have been able to create a support network for inmates and for myself Itrsquos a small step but a step never-theless Itrsquos spoken of now at a level never before reached in terms of official support and direction Support has yet to be defined but I have a mandate now to do a better job for male survivors Itrsquos on paper Itrsquos my goal
Safety of all concerned has to remain first and foremost mdash safety for the inmate safety for me With inmates disclosing to me often for the first time I am struck by what happens next A huge can of worms is opened And for what There is little safety here little opportunity to follow up The court system tosses these men around like dice One day they are here the next they are God knows where Have I done something that perhaps I shouldnrsquot have Maybe
ment physical and sexual abuse sexual orientation confusion anger management substance abuse domestic violence self respect low self esteem boundaries mdash these and much more impact upon this man daily But hersquos making a start Itrsquos another chance We all need them
I would be remiss to not mention the support of my colleagues Some of them do know about me and they have been tremendously supportive and understanding They too share a belief that it is possible for men to become survivors I cannot imagine doing this work everyday without their ongoing support I love you guys
The resources I refer to are few the Menrsquos Project in Ottawa The Gate-house in Toronto as well as local sexual assault centres I discovered on my own road to recovery that our local sexual assault centre does in fact offer services to men but does not advertise this due to the fear of being inundated with refer-rals They simply are not equipped to handle what surely lies out in my community When the report of the Cornwall Inquiry comes out later this year it is my belief that it will force our government our society to re-examine how its treatment of boys and men is provided Hope-fully those who are like I was feeling alone fearful uncomfortable in their own skin will feel more enabled to come forward to shed that skin that was put on them by their abuser(s) and step out of the ordinary letting their souls ascend and become free
Vol 2 No 2
Page 34
A History of Male Survi-vor Services in Queacutebec
and First Nations Communities
By Caroline Benamza (dance and drama therapistpsychotherapist at CRIPHASE)
And by Benoicirct St Jean (Director of CRIPHASE)
Contact Tel +1-514-529-55-67 Email infocriphaseorg
Website wwwcriphaseorg
T he latest statistics in Queacutebec show that one out of every six men has been sexually
abused before the age of 18 but there are very few statistics regard-ing male survivors and this estima-tion is only based on reported abuse Most adult men or boys who are survivors go unnoticed because most of the services in Queacutebec are exclusively for women In 2008 the male population in Queacutebec was about 3800000 of which about 3000000 are above 20 years of age (from the Institut de la Statistique) Therefore we can estimate that in Queacutebec there are around 500000 male survivors actually visible within the different health care services justice system and police departments The num-ber is already frightening for a seemingly peaceful society like Queacutebec When it comes to Native American communities as many as 80 of boys have been sexually abused before the age of 18 This number is quite similar mdash but for different reasons mdash to the male population within the Federal or Provincial prisons
The reality of male survivors of sexual abuse in childhood has remained in the dark for years in Queacutebec and it is only in the last four years that the government has acknowledged the necessity of funding counseling services for male survivors Historically it can be explained The first services for survivors have been developed since the 1960s within the very strong Queacutebeacutecois feminist move-ments The women have built along the years a strong network of ser-vices for female vic-tims of sexual abuse and domestic vio-lence Today these services still exist as the CALACS (Centres dAide et de Lutte contre les Agressions agrave Caractegravere Sexuel = Sexual Assault Cen-tres) network for survivors of sexual abuse Due to a strong belief in pro-viding a safe haven for women survivors men were turned away from these services and had nowhere to go Only two survivorsrsquo centres in the Montreal area outside the CALACS network welcomed men but those men represent only 5 of clients
This situation became obvious when the CAVAC (Centre drsquoAide pour les Victime drsquoActes Criminels = Crime Victims Assistance Centres) started to provide counseling ser-
vices to victims of criminal acts who wished to press charges and go through a court procedure The first services in Queacutebec for male survivors therefore came from a strong need in the society In 1996 the CAVAC decided to fund an experimental program directed by Denis Reneacute to offer a support group for male survivors This program was named the PHASE Groups (Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = For Men Sexually Abused in Child-
hood) With the suc-cess of these first groups between 1996 and 1997 the CAVAC of Montreal tried to secure funding for the continuation of services Unfortu-nately the PHASE Groups suffered from the double status it carried within the government the Minister of Justice that was the main funder of the CAVAC refused to fund a counseling service supposedly to be funded by the Health Minister Later the Health Minister turned down the
funding because as part of CAVAC the program should have been funded by the Minister of Justice
So it was in 1997 that Denis Reneacute decided to secure the future of the PHASE Groups by registering them
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoWhen it comes to
Native American
communities as many
as 80 of boys have
been sexually abused
before the age of 18
This number is quite
similarmdashbut for different
reasonsmdashto the male
population within the
Federal or Provincial
prisonsrdquo
February 2009
Page 35
intimacy and sexuality issues) and PHASE Artistique (a 10 weeks art and movement therapy program) with a holistic approach to body and mind recovery
In 2008 the very first weekend of recovery (named PHASE Weekend) was created and CRIPHASE wishes to make the weekend an annual event In 2003 for the first time
CRIPHASE became a full member of the Table de Concertation en Agressions Sexuelles (a gathering of several organizations providing services to survivors in addition to representatives from the Justice the Health Minister and the police) This cooperation allows a better understanding of survivor issues and needs as well as a better coor-
within a non-profit organization that took the name CRIPHASE (Centre de Resources et drsquointervention Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = Resource and Intervention Centre for Men who have been Sexually Abused in Childhood) For 10 years the Groups have survived on pri-vate funding and have provided two recovery Groups called PHASE 1 and PHASE 2 Each PHASE is a 10-week program serving non-offending male survivors over 18 years of age and of all sexual orienta-tions With its first public funding in 2004 of $38000 a director was en-gaged by the board of administration and in 2008 the PSOC (a funding body within the agency of Health and Social Services) fi-nally secured the future of CRIPHASE with a first major funding rooting CRIPHASE in the circle of sexual abuse survivors centres
Since 2006 CRIPHASE has devel-oped a major politics of visibility through the media conferences and meetings with the different actors of the Queacutebeacutecois stage Three more programs have been developed within CRIPHASE PHASE Conjoint (for partners of male survivors) PHASE Sexo (a 10 weeks program of recovery focusing on
dination of services on the ground From within the Table CRIPHASE has been able to educate people on the issue of male survivors and participate or initiate projects such as the Information Guide for Sexual Assault Victims and the first pre-vention mobilization and aware-ness march for sexual abuse survi-vors in 2008 The presence of CRIPHASE at the Table has also
allowed the feminists within the CALACS to have a better under-standing of the suffer-ing of male survivors who are also victims in their own way of an old patriarchal system CRIPHASE was also finally incorporated in the CALACS coordina-tion groupmdashcalled Table des CALACS mdash in 2008
Until 2008 there were no services provided in English (Queacutebec is a French-speaking province where Eng-lish speakers are a minority) due to lack of funding to translate the PHASE 1 docu-ments and employ English-speaking therapists The project
to offer groups in English had been put aside for years but finally in 2008 the first groups of PHASE 1 and 2 opened for English speakers The PHASE Artistique and PHASE Weekend are now bilingual pro-grams
(Continued on page 36)
Phone calls received at CRIPHASE
male survivors
therapists
relatives and loved ones
other
The average male survivor using the services at CRIPHASE is aged between 35 and 55
Vol 2 No 2
Page 36
Male survivors in the Native American
communities Recovery programs within Native American communities are only starting Many Native American men were sexually abused as well as psychologically and emotionally abused when they were sent to boarding schools across the province for assimila-tion The effects of this traumatic experience (including historic trauma) can be seen in all First Nations of Queacutebec Algonquians Cris Innus Abenakis Innuits Micmacs and so forth Today there is a strong need of heal-ing for this lost gen-eration but traumatic experiences and con-sequences have been passed on to the next generations Unfortu-nately sexual abuse is one of these problems which need to be addressed through prevention and coun-seling in a way that will integrate Native American traditions and their holistic ap-proach to medicine Such programs already exist within some communi-ties Organizations like GRIPMA (Groupe de Recherches et dInter-ventions Psychosociales en Milieu Autochtone = Research and Inter-vention group in Aboriginal Com-munities) located in the Huron
History of Male Survivor Services (Continued from page 35)
community of Wendake (near Queacute-bec city) provide a clinical expertise in intervention within Native Ameri-can communities On the other side the Aboriginal Healing Foun-dation based in Ottawa is currently funding 16 recovery projects for the First Nations in Queacutebec ad-dressing sexual abuse addiction prevention of suicide boarding schools trauma etc until 2010
Last year the publication of the five-year funding plan on sexual abuse by the provincial govern-ment of Queacutebec has seen the recognition of male survivors as a population in great need of ser-vices It has also recognized the necessity of providing services to the First Nations communities
Things are changing in Queacutebec for male survivors Because CRIPHASE is the only organization providing support and counseling to men in Queacutebec who have been sexually abused in childhood there is great hope for an increase of funding this year The constant develop-ment of CRIPHASE and the increase in phone calls and numbers of guys within the services (in 2008-
2009 there will be seven groups of PHASE 1 in-stead of five the year before) also show that men in Queacutebec are get-ting the right information on sexual abuse and services and are being encouraged to look for help and engage in re-covery
If you are one of these men in Queacutebec we are waiting for your call Remember you are not alone
For the annual march event please visit wwwmarchevasca (Information for the May 2009 march will be on line from February 2009)
Quilt Square by a Native Child from Alberta From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 37
MaleSurvivor is men surviving sexual abuse in Canada we will start with Canadarsquos sad legacy of abuse of children by clergy
A Brief Incomplete Canadian History
In Canada our First Nations People have had to bear the legacy of abuse they endured in Canadarsquos notorious residential schools Cur-rent issues of addictions and family and mental health problems amongst our First Nations people can be traced back to the legacy of abuse experienced by Native chil-dren in residential schools
Around 1874 the federal government began working with the churches (Catholic Anglican United and Presbyte-rian) to set up the Residential School System as a means to suppress Native cul-ture and promote assimilation In gen-eral children between the ages of five and 16 were taken from their parents and sent to church-run residen-tial schools The extent of the abuse in these church-run schools has been referred to as the ldquoCanadian Holocaustrdquo Recently the Canadian Government formed the Truth and Reconciliation Commis-sion (TRC) as part of the court-approved Indian Residential Schools Settlement Agreement The
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious
Leader By Nancy N Mayer MSW RSW
Partner Crisci amp Mayer Consultation Counselling and
Training Toronto wwwckmconsultationcom
Introduction
L ikely all the readers of this newsletter have knowledge and expertise about men
being physically sexually and emotionally abused Research tells us that abusers can come from any
walk of life and most often are known to the child or adult In the last decade abuse by clergy has finally ldquocome out of the closetrdquo so to
speak thanks to those brave survi-vors who have made public their experiences of being abused by clergy More than ever survivor groups are encouraging victims to report these crimes to the police and to consider seeking civil re-dress for their injuries Many groups believe that change in churches will only come when they are held accountable for the abuse perpetrated by clergy
This article will attempt to address the distinctive issues that are com-mon to this population of survivors Because the focus of this issue of
purpose of the commission is not to determine guilt or innocence but to create an historical account of the residential schools help people to heal and encourage reconciliation between Aboriginal and non-aboriginal Canadians
The notorious Mount Cashel Or-phanage is another Canadian leg-acy of sexual abuse by clergy This facility was operated in Newfound-land by the Christian Brothers More than a dozen priests were convicted after decades of abusing young boys at the orphanage
Mount Cashel Or-phanage closed in 1989 just six months after allegations of sexual physical and emotional abuse were published by the media (For more in depth information see Harris Michael Unholy Orders Trag-edy at Mount Cashel Ontario Viking Press 1990)
Like the US there have been hundreds and perhaps thou-sands of cases of children and vulner-
able adults abused by clergy in every religious denomination Unlike the US our country is not bound as strictly by statutes of limitations so lawsuits can proceed more freely Our sentences for convicted clerical sex offenders are
(Continued on page 38)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Nancy N Mayer
ldquo[First Nations] children
between the ages of five
and 16 were taken from
their parents and sent to
church-run residential
schools The extent of
the abuse in these
church-run schools has
been referred to as the
lsquoCanadian Holocaustrsquoldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 38
nowhere near as severe as those of our American neighbours Most first offenders will not serve a day in jail The civil awards for personal inju-ries are also quite low Our court system promotes set-tling these cases out of court When a case fails to go to trial it is not part of the public re-cord The widespread use of confidentiality orders media fatigue and Canadian reserve means that it is impos-sible to obtain accurate statistics on how often men are abused by clergy or even the ex-tent of the problem in this country
The Authority of Rel igious Leaders Religious organizations have always played a central role in our so-cieties They provide moral ethical and spiritual guidance Reli-gious teachings have given us a context and meaning for our lives Most religious belief revolves around a divine power or God Religious leaders (ministers priests rabbis elders nuns) are thought to be Godrsquos earthly repre-sentatives and are treated with reverence and respect They have intimate involvement with families and children at such vulnerable times as an illness death or other family crises They may have access
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 37)
to confidential information by virtue of their roles of confessor or counsellor A child brought up by religious parents is taught to re-spect these men and women Oth-ers associated with churches mdash choir leaders teachers cantors youth group leaders mdash are also considered trustworthy by virtue of their close
association with their religious organizations Most parents en-courage their childrenrsquos participa-tion in church-based activities believing them to be safe and wholesome
These leaders are considered to be esteemed authorities and as repre-sentatives of God wield a great deal of power Depending on the faith group there may be teachings
that support an unquestioning adherence to their instructions and guidance This makes children and vulnerable adults particularly sus-ceptible to exploitation by this group because they have access opportunity and trust
Misuse of Power Perpetrators can utilize their positions of power and trust to gain access to their victims some-times for extended periods of uninterrupted time They may tell children that they are being asked to ldquoserve Godrdquo or that they or their families will be punished if they do not do as instructed Chil-dren may be threatened with eternal damnation or blamed for leading the religious leader into sin If the religion con-siders premarital sex or same sex contacts as sinful the guilt will be compounded
In most cases the victim will not disclose or may disclose but not be
believed A child will have a difficult time convincing adults that he or she has been victimized The vic-timrsquos family culture or communi-ties have been socialized to see their religious leaders as unques-tionably good and incapable of lies This can lead to others denying or minimizing the victimrsquos experience of abuse The victim is initially harmed by the abuser and then is revictimized by those who cannot
ldquoMay Hope be Passed through Every Handrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 39
institutionrsquos response and lack of compassion and pastoral care
The Impact on Spir ituality
The frequently used term ldquosoul murderrdquo aptly describes what hap-pens when the abuser is a religious leader When the response of the religious institu-tion to a disclosure of abuse is experienced as self-serving and uncaring the survivor will likely lose his faith in the religious community of which he has been a part To belong and to feel connected is a basic human need When abused by clergy the loss of connection and belonging to what may have been a spiritual anchor can be devastating
To compound the harm the abuse may have occurred in a religious building The abuser may have worn traditional cleri-cal attire or may have made religious or biblical refer-ences As a result being exposed to religious symbols music or any other reminder can trigger flashbacks and other uncomfortable physical symptoms
The cleric is often considered Godrsquos representative on earth This gives the cleric power that surpasses his position and status When abuse is at the hands of a minister nun
accept that their spiritual leaders are capable of abuse There are many stories of clergy abuse survi-vors being abandoned by their religious communities (who side with the cleric) and their families who cannot face leaving the church that has given their lives meaning and comfort The resultant feelings of betrayal and abandonment are profound
The Role of the Religious Inst itutions
When religious institutions hold themselves up as ethical compasses and arbitrators of right and wrong society has an expectation that church leaders will act in a fair and moral way Many US Commissions and Grand Juries and Canadian reports such as the Winter Com-mission Report (Archdiocese of St Johns Newfoundland Canada 1990) Child Abuse in Community Institutions and Organizations and Improving Public and Professional Understanding (prepared for the Law Commission of Canada) all record and explain the dynamics that have lead to the failure of religious institutions to protect our children
While it is well known that any institution mdash educational recrea-tional or spiritual mdash is not immune from having sex offenders in its midst the religious institutions have a particular legacy of protect-ing the institution through aggres-sive legal tactics versus truth telling and reconciliation Many victims state that they have been less wounded by the actual abuse and profoundly more damaged by the
priest rabbi minister or elder the recipient of the abuse may experi-ence profound guilt for ldquoparticipatingrdquo in ldquosinfulrdquo behaviour mdash a mistaken belief that he is respon-sible for the abuse or shame that
he has ldquosinnedrdquo He may believe he is deserving of rejection or eternal damnation If he confesses he risks exposing the cleric who has likely done what he could to trick the victim into believing that he must maintain silence and secrecy One survivor describes feeling that rdquoIt was like being abused by God him-self If even God couldnrsquot love me how could anyone else ever love merdquo
These factors alone can leave a man who has been abused by clergy unable to find comfort and solace in what used to be his spiritual beliefs and his church Without these familiar beliefs the survivor is aban-
doned and alone when he most needs support
The Role of Gender While woman are ordained in some denominations there is still an imbalance of power between men and women in many religious tradi-tions For boys and men abused by male clerics embarrassment and
(Continued on page 40)
ldquoThe frequently used
term lsquosoul murderrsquo aptly
describes what happens
when the abuser is a
religious leader When
the response of the
religious institution to a
disclosure of abuse is
experienced as self-
serving and uncaring
the survivor will likely
lose his faith in the
religious community of
which he has been
a partrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 40
concerns of how they will be per-ceived promote silence For the boy or man abused by a female cleric there may be worries that he will be labelled the seducer or pres-sured to consider this ldquorelationshiprdquo as non-abusive
The study conducted by the John Jay Col-lege of Criminal Jus-tice regarding The Nature and Scope of the Problem of Sexual Abuse of Minors by Priests and Deacons in the Catholic Church (Washington DC USCCB 2004) found some very disturbing information about the age and gender of victims The largest group of reported victims (509) was between the ages of 11 and 14 273 of victims were 15 to 17 16 were eight to 10 and nearly 6 were under age seven Overall 81 of vic-tims were male and 19 female Male victims tended to be older than female victims Over 40 of all victims were males between the ages of 11 and 14
The largest group of reported victims in this study consisted of boys who were entering puberty This is a tumultuous time in most
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 39)
young menrsquos lives To have this period of development disrupted can contribute to many mental health problems including lack of confidence disruption of emo-tional sexual and psycho-social development isolation sexual identity confusion depression anxiety and abuse of substances
In Summary The harm experienced by those
who are abused by clergy is profound and multifaceted Some therapists will not want to work with survivors of clergy abuse due to the complexity of their issues their limited knowledge of the subject area possible religious biases and potential for litigation Most (but certainly not all) survivors will have experienced revictimization by their churches or religious institutions This compounded by abuse by a religious leader in a position of power will under-standably lead to unique challenges Survivors will have
significant trust issues that can impede the forming of a trusting therapeutic relationship with a therapist who will also be in a position of power and may be an employee of an institution With transparency and skill on the part of the therapist and tenacity on the part of the survivor effective thera-
peutic partnership can be achieved While recovery is difficult it is possible
The irony is that many survivors of abuse by clergy have a strong sense of integrity morality and perseverance They learned the lessons that the ldquoreligiousrdquo offend-ers failed to learn At the core of their beings these clergy abuse survivors are the prophets who have come to speak the truth and reveal the abuse and the decep-tions It is this desire for social justice truth telling belonging and connection that will allow a healthy spiritual belief system to rise out of the ashes of what has happened It is this healthy spiritual belief that makes many clergy abuse survivors persistent and tenacious in seeking recovery and social justice They are making a difference and chang-ing the world as we know it
ldquoThe harm experienced
by those who are
abused by clergy is
profound and
multifaceted Some
therapists will not want
to work with survivors
of clergy abuse due to
the complexity of their
issues their limited
knowledge of the
subject area possible
religious biases and
potential for litigationldquo
February 2009
Page 41
tion of it earlier in the lsquo90s but 1997 is when there was a critical mass of mostly male survivors coming forward and taking action against Maple Leaf Gardens Your question specifically was ldquoDid it play a role in my choice of ca-reersrdquo
MS Yes
SJ Yes and no The Maple Leaf
Gardens cases were not my first sexual assault cases but my in-volvement in these cases solidified my interest and desire to help sur-vivors
MS Could you take a few minutes to explain to our readers just what the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal was and why it has played a central role in revealing the extent of sex-ual abuse at least in the Toronto area
of my clients will say something like ldquoYou know this is not about the money I donrsquot care how much I get this is about something elserdquo And whatever that person seeks mdash an apology or the empowerment of filing a lawsuit or a million other unique things mdash that is why I do this kind of work Itrsquos about helping people through whatever process they need in order to begin that healing process the moving forward process
MS And also to provide your clients with a sense of justice
SJ Absolutely Justice is really not about the money itrsquos about the knowledge that theyrsquove come forward theyrsquove done something and theyrsquove empowered themselves It takes a tre-mendous amount of courage to do that I am always in awe of my cli-ents for the amount of courage they have They are my inspiration
MS Many Americans are unaware of the so-called Maple Leaf Gar-dens sex scandal that began some-time in the 1960s but didnrsquot come to wide public attention until 1997 the year after you began practicing law Did this scandal have some affect on your choice of career
SJ Actually the scandal did come to prominence before 1997 There was scattered media atten-
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 1)
SJ Sure There was a series of men who were employed at Maple Leaf Gardens which was the home of the Toronto Maple Leafs mdash the hockey club mdash who over a period of a couple of decades sexually abused probably hundreds of chil-dren It started in the lsquo60s it went on we believe until the early lsquo80s There were two principal men in-volved but there were at least three
others who also were ac-cused In order to under-stand why the Maple Leaf Gardens sex scandals are as important as they are you have to understand that hockey in Toronto and hockey in Canada is almost a religion Hockey is to Canadians what the NFL or Major League Baseball is to Americans Every little boy dreams of about becoming the next Wayne Gretzky becoming the best hockey player he can be Maple Leaf Gar-dens was the home of one of the best loved and biggest hockey teams mdash the Toronto Maple Leafs The Gardens was the high
temple of hockey in Canada and still is In the lsquo60s lsquo70s and even the lsquo80s children mdash mostly boys mdash would go to Maple Leaf Gardens usually unaccompanied by their parents because back then nobody really thought that anything bad would happen to them at the Gar-dens The boys would go there ei-ther for practice games or to watch the Maple Leafs play or more likely they would go to watch To-
(Continued on page 42)
ldquoMaple Leaf Gardens in Memory of Martin Kruzerdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 42
ronto Marlies games The Marlies were the farm team for the Toronto Maple Leafs During these games and these practices the pedophiles who worked at the Gardenrsquos would often befriend these boys seeking out boys who were more vulner-able than others most likely and would sexually assault the boys sometimes off-property but most often within the Gardens itself They would use their position as employees of the Gardens to be able to say to the boys if you come with me Irsquoll get you a broken hockey stick or hockey puck or Irsquoll get you into better seats the next game or whatever other type of inducement would be necessary to get the boys to go with them into either a washroom or a training room or other private place where the boys would be sexually abused
In 1997 there were about 50 or 60 cases all joined to-gether and Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Entertainment Ltd wanted to settle all the cases prior to the Toronto Maple Leafs moving into a new hockey rink called the Air Canada Center so as to have a clean slate at the new rink By and large a lot of the litigation was fin-ished before the team moved into the Air Canada Center but not all of it In fact there are probably 17 or 19 cases going through the court
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 41)
system today more than 10 years after the original large group of plaintiffs went through the court and I believe that new people will continue to come forward when they are strong enough
MS I understand that one of the principal plaintiffs in the case Mar-tin Kruze had settled with the owners or the operators of the Ma-ple Leaf Gardens in 1995 and that he signed a confidentiality agree-ment not to reveal the settlement
or perhaps even the details of what had happened to him Do you think that the confidentiality agree-ment Mr Kruze agreed to slowed down or hindered the full exposure of this scandal
SJ I think that any confidentiality agreement blocks public access to knowledge and to understanding so I do suspect that Martinrsquos confi-dentiality agreement did have some impact on the scandal re-
maining hidden for as long as it did Absolutely yes I believe that confidentiality agreements are in-herently difficult for plaintiffs be-cause they create and continue a cycle of secrecy Sexual assault is a crime that is almost always carried out in secret and the guilt and shame it produces is key in helping pedophiles maintain their hold over their victims Putting a confidential-ity agreement on a settlement just perpetuates the guilt and the shame
MS Unfortunately Martin Kruzersquos principal perpetrator received a shockingly light sen-tence for all his actions and I understand that this led to Martin com-mitting suicide shortly afterwards
SJ I would think that the perpetratorrsquos sentence was a part of why Martin chose to end his life yes It hap-pened relatively shortly after the sentencing and I suspect that it weighed heavily on Martinrsquos decision
MS Do you think that the sen-tence that the perpetrator received was a reflection of the then current attitude towards pedophiles and sexual abuse
SJ The sentence that the perpe-trator received was a reflection on the way that the Canadian justice system deals with criminals regard-ing personal crimes absolutely It was a very low sentence in keep-
Imants Kruze visiting his sonrsquos memorial quilt square in the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 43
obtain here versus how much they can obtain in the United States In the United States there is no cap for pain and suffering awards whereas here in Canada there is a very small cap mdash about $325000 If a survivor of sexual assault goes through the court system and even if they have a very good day in court in terms of compensation yoursquore probably looking at an award for dam-ages somewhere be-tween $200000 and $500000 Sometimes itrsquos actually less than $200000 and very very rarely more than $500000 so in that sense we are defi-nitely behind But I donrsquot think itrsquos a question of waiting 10 years to see if we ldquocatch uprdquo I think itrsquos just a fundamental difference in how our court system works and whatrsquos available to survivors in terms of compensation
If you mean that Canada is 10 years behind in dealing with other aspects of sexual assault then you are probably correct in terms of media attention public awareness and outrage Sexual assault is still largely an unreported unprose-cuted crime But things are getting better every day and as more and more survivors come forward posi-tive changes will continue to hap-pen
MS As Irsquom sure you know therersquos periodic discussion about tort re-
ing with what was handed out at the time and to a large extent itrsquos still in keeping with what is handed out right now
MS Are you still representing or have you represented anyone who is a plaintiff in this scandal
SJ I was very much involved in the core group of Maple Leaf Gar-dens survivors that came forward in 1997 I was on what was called the plaintiffsrsquo committee back then which was a group of a few lawyers who brought the litigation forward I represented a number of plaintiffs in the original group that came forward I have also represented quite a few men throughout the last 10 years and currently repre-sent two men in the last group of plaintiffs to come forward I have also been approached by at least two other men who may decide to pursue litigation
MS Dale English mdash who has spo-ken to you at some length mdash has said to me that either you or he or both of you have felt that Canada is perhaps 10 or more years behind the US in dealing with the issues of sexual abuse and sexual assault Could you elaborate on that com-ment
SJ I think it depends on what you mean by dealing with the is-sues If you mean dealing with the issues in terms of bringing civil cases forward to a certain extent we are behind One of the funda-mental differences between the United States and Canada is the way that our tort systems operate and specifically the amount of compensation that tort victims can
form in the United States mainly aimed at capping punitive dam-ages Irsquom wondering whether there is the mirror of that in Canada mdash whether therersquos any movement to-wards tort reform that would allow greater awards to victims
SJ Well there is and there isnrsquot In Canada itrsquos very difficult if not
impossible to get pu-nitive damages espe-cially if therersquos a criminal conviction The punitive damages that are available in Canada are very low A typical punitive damage award would be $20000 or $25000 - usually not much more than that So damages are quite restricted here in any event In terms of tort reform I think there is a global push by in-surance companies to
try to limit compensation whether in the States or here The things that the American Association of Justice are fighting for down in the States are the same things that the Ontario Trial Lawyers Association are fighting for here mdash the continued ability to sue for compensation un-hampered by legislative roadblocks benefitting powerful institutional defendants to the detriment of those who have suffered Ours is a much smaller playing field and therefore less money is at stake In terms of plaintiffsrsquo lawyers wersquore trying to maximize the compensa-tion that we can get for our client Every time we go to court we try
(Continued on page 44)
ldquoIf you mean that
Canada is 10 years
behind in dealing with
other aspects of sexual
assault then you are
probably correct in
terms of media
attention public
awareness and outrageldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 44
to get a higher damage award so that that case will be a building block for future cases There are always attempts to try to circum-vent the cap on pain and suffering damages that we have Itrsquos not an easy thing to do the cap has been in place in Canada for 32 years now It was put in place in 1977 by the Supreme Court of Canada and itrsquos unlikely to be overturned any-time soon Even though from a purely theoretical legal analysis that cap does not apply to pain and suffering damages for victims of sexual assault and sexual abuse the reality is that judges still use that cap as a high water mark even though it doesnrsquot formally apply mdash it is still a de facto cap and to be honest with you it is almost impos-sible to get anywhere near that cap for compensation for pain and suf-fering A typical pain and suffering award in Canada for childhood sex-ual abuse is somewhere between $100000 and $200000 Anything on top of that would be associated economic loss or care costs
MS Itrsquos quite unfortunate that even though therersquos no real cap the law behaves as if there were one
SJ Yep I couldnrsquot agree with you more Itrsquos very unfortunate
MS I understand that in 2005 the government of Ontario convened whatrsquos known as the Cornwall Pub-lic Inquiry Was the Inquiry con-vened to address the issues of sex-ual abuse and sexual assault and
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 43)
the way the justice system is han-dling it
SJ Thatrsquos probably one of the reasons the Inquiry was convened Thatrsquos one of the hopes The In-quiry was convened because of what was going on in a little city east of Toronto mdash a series of allega-tions against very prominent mem-bers of that community involving the sexual abuse of children over a period of many many years The idea behind the Inquiry is to try to figure out what happened and to put in place some recommenda-tions that will not only stop some-thing like the abuse in Cornwall from happening again but will also try to help those who were affected by the events in the first place And to some extent I think some good will come of the Inquiry Hopefully the recommendations will be good for survivors of childhood sexual abuse or any kind of sexual assault The Submission phase of the In-quiry officially ended late February 2009
MS Did you have the opportunity to testify before the Inquiry
SJ I did not personally testify before the Inquiry Testimony was generally limited to the people ac-tually involved mdash police officers vic-tims what not I was involved in the Inquiry with regards to a panel discussionroundtable that they had regarding the use of confiden-tiality agreements
MS As you probably know Male-Survivor was first founded in the early 1980s by a group of thera-pists who were concerned about support for victims of childhood
sexual abuse and although Male-Survivor is still not a very large or-ganization it has increased its in-fluence significantly over the years and Irsquom wondering whether there is a similar non-profit or other group in Canada that also is dedi-cated to helping victims of child-hood sexual abuse
SJ There are some grass roots organizations that deal with victims of childhood sexual abuse or adult sexual assault I donrsquot believe there is as cohesive a unit as MaleSurvi-vor I may be wrong on that but there are smaller more community based organizations that assist sur-vivors That being said resources available to survivors are unfortu-nately pretty limited
MS Is that because there are too few therapists in that form of prac-tice
SJ I think itrsquos a mixture of many different things First of all Canada has a much smaller population base mdash 30 million people as com-pared to 300 million in the United States mdash so you have significantly fewer people affected and there-fore you have significantly fewer resources available to those people The services that we do have will often have very long waiting lists before people can access them There are some very very good counselors in Canada assisting sur-vivors but unfortunately the waiting lists are sometimes long and the availability for public funding to provide services free of charge is somewhat limited
MS Is there anything in your opinion about the Canadian health
February 2009
Page 45
system that contributes to the scar-city of services
SJ I donrsquot know if itrsquos the Cana-dian health system I think that in Canada we have a pretty good public health system in the sense that anybody who needs medical services can access those services free of charge The problem is that a lot of these services are not covered under our health system per se Many are covered under either private plans or pay as you go type services and itrsquos just a question of finding the people who can provide these services and being lucky enough to get them when they either donrsquot have a waiting list or other-wise having to wait until your name comes up on that waiting list
MS And that could takes years in some cases it seems
SJ My understanding is that those waiting lists can be quite long but there are very good peo-ple out there Itrsquos just a question of finding them and being able to afford them
MS Can you elaborate on other differences between the US and Canada that affect the way survi-vors and perpetrators are treated by the legal system and the media
SJ The differences between Can-ada and the US are really huge On the surface Americans and Canadi-ans look pretty much the same dress the same talk the same eat the same foods and by and large watch the same TV but culturally there is a huge difference in the way we look at the world in the
way our legal system works and the way that people interact with one another
Americans are much more litigious by na-ture I think this is due to the fact that in the United States mdash at least as seen from the outside mdash the rights of the individual are paramount In Can-ada less so Canada is much more commu-nity-oriented We of-tentimes think about how something is going to affect others instead of looking at what an individual might be entitled to I think that the high
damage awards available through the American legal system are beneficial in sexual abuse cases as is the lack of a cap on awards which we have
In some ways though our legal system is much better for my cli-ents than the US system would be because of the way that our actual process works One of the things that I know is very damaging to a lot of plaintiffs in the United States is the whole discovery process tak-
ing depositions Depositions can go on for a huge number of days and pretty much everybody in the per-sonrsquos life can be called to give a deposition That is very troubling and painful for people who donrsquot necessarily want others to know about their abuse or donrsquot want to involve their family Here in Canada depositions mdash or what we call the examination for discovery mdash are lim-ited to the actual named parties in the lawsuit The defendant and the plaintiff are examined for discovery or deposed if you will Anyone who is not an actual party to the litiga-tion can only be discovered under court orders and itrsquos very difficult to get those court orders so in that sense itrsquos a much quicker cleaner process and less intrusive on some-onersquos life So that is probably a good thing
The other really huge difference between the two systems which I think does in fact impact on why a lot of these cases settle as opposed to going to court and oftentimes settle for very different amounts of money than they would if they went to court is that in Canada we have a ldquoloser paysrdquo system If you go to court and you lose you have to pay at least a portion of the fees incurred by the other side Letrsquos say the defendantrsquos settlement offer is $100000 If the plaintiff does not accept that $100000 and at trial the plaintiff gets $99000 then the plaintiff has to pay the lawyerrsquos fees of the defendant because the award is less than the settlement offer That is very difficult That means that a lot of cases are set-tled for probably less money than
(Continued on page 46)
ldquoOn the surface
Americans and
Canadians look pretty
much the same hellip but
culturally there is a
huge difference in the
way we look at the
world in the way our
legal system works and
the way that people
interact with one
anotherldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 46
MS I join you in that hope Any-thing that can advance the cause of not only helping people but also helping prevent further abuses is always going to be welcome If you could set forth a vision of how you would like to see the law and the therapeutic community in Canada evolve to handle matters of child-
hood sexual abuse and sexual assault mdash if you could influence the reform of institu-tions what would your vision be
SJ Oh Richard Wow Well first and foremost I would love to raise public aware-ness of this issue for various reasons I think that increased public awareness will not necessarily reduce the instances of abuse but will help improve how abuse is dealt with when itrsquos ongoing and after-wards Itrsquos very im-portant that when a child is hurt that
child knows that he can go to peo-ple for help and support All too often if kids get up enough cour-age to tell someone the reaction they get is not very positive I think that with increased public aware-ness hopefully people will under-stand that there are ways to deal with this that will decrease the amount of harm so public aware-ness is paramount
I would like the legal system to raise compensation awards for sur-
turning point in bringing to the publicrsquos attention that the sexual assault of children can happen does happen and itrsquos a very diffi-cult thing for anyone to go through whether theyrsquore little boys or grown men that were abused as children It brought childhood sex-ual abuse out of the shadows to a certain extent The scandal still garners media attention as new survivors come forward but not the same as it did 10 years ago
MS Would you say that the lack of inves-tigative reporting is a cultural phenomenon or is it that the news-papers donrsquot feel they have that role
SJ Oh no Canadian newspapers do feel that they have a role in investigating things but for whatever rea-son sexual abuse of children has not been a priority The Cana-dian media really has not been at the forefront of this issue the way the media in the United States has been and I think that is tremen-dously disappointing The lack of media attention means that we arenrsquot fostering the awareness within the public that we need in order to provide real help and ser-vices for survivors We need the mediarsquos help to bring this horrific crime to light and to help stop it from happening
they would get if they went to court because that risk of going to court and not getting at least the amount of the original offer weighs heavily on everyone Our system is designed and geared toward avoid-ing trials which can be good be-cause nobody really wants to go through a trial but can be bad be-cause people become very intimi-dated by the prospect of losing or not getting as much as the settle-ment offer and being indebted to the defendant for a lot of money Thatrsquos a scary scary thing to go through
With regards to the media the US has a media that by and large has helped out a lot with sexual abuse cases The whole issue of clergy abuse really started with investiga-tive reporting by the Boston Globe right
MS Right
SJ They really took that issue and just ran with it Here in Canada we really havenrsquot had the same kind of investigative media cover-age as yoursquove had which is why events like the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal are not as huge as they are down in the States
Before Martin Kruze committed sui-cide the media was only somewhat interested in the Maple Leaf Gar-dens scandal Martin Kruze was a figure because he had sued the Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Com-plex But after he committed sui-cide the media was really galva-nized and that was probably a
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 45)
ldquoThe lack of media
attention means that we
arenrsquot fostering the
awareness within the
public that we need in
order to provide real
help and services for
survivors We need the
mediarsquos help to bring
this horrific crime to
light and to help stop it
from happeningrdquo
February 2009
Page 47
ments but it canrsquot at this stage really happen through the courts
I would want there to be an ability for institutions or perpetrators mdash de-fendants mdash to look beyond mere dollars and cents and look toward healing the person that they have hurt either directly or indirectly All too often in these cases we really become tied up in the legal minu-tiae of things as opposed to defen-dants saying ldquoOK letrsquos step back here and letrsquos try to helprdquo
I wish that there were a real under-standing that these cases are not car accident cases and they should
not be treated as car accident cases My clients are not people whorsquove broken a leg and therefore need X amount of dollars in order to pay for medical services or whatnot And unfortu-nately that doesnrsquot necessarily happen
In terms of the thera-peutic community I would love to see counseling and therapy ses-sions be paid for through the pub-lic purse so that people who re-quire the services of highly-skilled counselors and therapists and psy-chologists can access those services without having to pay for them A lot of clients just donrsquot have the economic means to pay for such services until after they get a set-tlement and that could take years It would be wonderful to see those kinds of services funded the same way as a trip to the emergency room or a trip to your family doc-tor for a cold is funded Irsquod love to
vivors The amount of damage that can be done as a result of child-hood abuse or in fact any kind of sexual assault is tremendous It affects almost every aspect of someonersquos life It becomes inter-generational because it affects the people around the survivor and compensation awards are still very much a pale reflection of what is needed in order to help these peo-ple I hope that at some point our judges and our legislature under-stand that need and can corre-spondingly give appropriate and reasonable damage awards so that people can start to rebuild their lives in a meaningful way
I would love there to be an opportunity within our civil system for more than just compensation At this stage the only thing that a civil judge can do is award monetary compensation There are a lot of creative things that you can do within a settlement that are not purely fi-nancial that can give a lot of sol-ace to someone who has been abused whether that be in the form of some non-financial healing whether it be in the form of a situation where somebody can con-front their abuser if thatrsquos what they wish to do in a safe setting or whether itrsquos the ability for that sur-vivor to do something outside of pure simple dollars and put for-ward some sort of healing plan that is as individual as they are That can happen through settle-
be able to see that I think that that would go a long way to helping people earlier rather than later
Ultimately I wish that this situation didnrsquot exist anymore and I would be put out of business frankly
MS Well I can certainly sympa-thize with the way you feel but it would seem that you have a career ahead of you dealing with this problem
SJ Unfortunately I think you are right I think that instances of child-hood sexual abuse are not neces-sarily going down I think that insti-tutions are getting a little bit better at putting in place policies and sometimes even following their own policies to stop pedophiles from entering those institutions and preying on people that those insti-tutions are theoretically set up to serve but I think that as long as the problem of childhood sexual abuse is with us I will be out there trying to help anybody that I can
MS Is there anything else yoursquod like to say to our readers
SJ I think that organizations such as MaleSurvivor are imperative in helping people understand that they are not alone that itrsquos not their fault and there are ways to get help So hats off to an organi-zation such as yours The clients I have who are involved in your or-ganization are very very well served so I have to thank you for being a resource
MS Thank you very much for your kind comments and for your time Simona
ldquoUltimately I wish that
this situation didnrsquot exist
anymore and I would be
put out of business
franklyrdquo
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-
February 2009
Page 29
government Although there are specific circumstances under which the age of consent is 16 (or 18) the general age of consent remained at 14 For many in the child protection
world this has been a shame of what is otherwise a devel-oped and civilized land The fight is finally over with the passage and Royal Assent of this legisla-tion in July of 2008 This is a victory for the many people that fought the good fight and most importantly this law allows prose-cution of those adult predators who choose to sexually exploit 14
and 15 year old children
Review of federal corrections policy
In 2007 the federal government ordered an independent review of the federal corrections and parole system The CCAA attended the announcement of that review and subsequently appeared before the review team and provided detailed written recommendations for change The final report included a number of recommendations that the CCAA provided including those contained in Martinrsquos Hope A rollout of some report recommen-dations has already started includ-ing a pilot project for the use of electronic monitoring on serious and violent offenders who are on parole in communities
(Continued on page 30)
Dangerous offenders Having someone declared a dan-gerous offender is very difficult to do In fact there are fewer then 400 declared dangerous offenders in the country This amendment makes it easier to bring a dangerous offender application for a serious repeat con-victed offender before the court The end result should be we hope the detection and declaration of more dangerous offenders Dangerous offender designation is for life and results in indefinite lock-up of the offender with periodic judicial reviews
Community protection orders
Also known as ldquoSection 810rdquo orders they allow the state to monitor the activities of certain subjects mdash no longer under some form of sen-tence or other judicial release but still considered a danger mdash to be placed on a judicial order similar to a bail with control and monitoring conditions The legislation explicitly expands the controls that can be usedmdashfor example electronic moni-toringmdashand extends the length of the order from one year to two
Age of protection For longer than people care to remember advocates have fought to raise the general age of consent from 14 to 16 years of age Until recently those voices have been largely ignored by the federal
change but no one can deny the important roll played by the CCAA in advancing these reforms These are all original recommendations contained in the Martinrsquos Hope report The results as they say speak for themselves and include but are not limited to the follow-ing
Mandatory minimum sentences for Internet chi ld abuse offences
Over time courts have increasingly relied on so called ldquohouse arrestrdquo provisions (see section immediately below) when sentencing offenders found guilty of Internet child abuse and similar kinds of serious child exploitation offences The sen-tences were often way out of pro-portion to the gravity of the crimes Minimum sentences were legislated for a variety of crimes with the net effect of eliminating the ability of the court to impose ldquohouse arrestrdquo
Conditional sentences of imprisonment
Better known as ldquohouse arrestrdquo this measure brought in over a decade ago was being imposed by the courts for ever more serious of-fenders and offences Many violent and dangerous offenders were allowed to serve their term of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo at home Justice and public safety were compro-mised by this provision Although the Bill that finally passed was watered down significantly by opposition party demands the end result was a tightening of the cir-cumstances under which a sen-tence of this kind could be given
ldquoAfter the initial public
release of the Martinrsquos
Hope report in the fall
of 2003 I knew that if
repairs were to be made
to the criminal justice
system advocacy would
have to be acceleratedrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 30
munity committees and inquiries including the Federal Inquiry pre-sided over by Justice Major into the Air India bombing
Moving forward We are delighted to report that John Muise our Director of Public Safety has recently received a Governor-in-council appointment as a full-time member of the Na-tional Parole Board effective in May of 2009 Although this is a big loss
for the CCAA we are thrilled for John and we know that he will bring the same com-mitment to public safety in that position as he did with the CCAA We wish him the very best in this new and challenging role
Much progress has been made in the past three years with
more anticipated The federal gov-ernment has signaled its intention to finish the work it started and attempt a further repeal of condi-tional sentences of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo They have also said that they in-tend on amending certain aspects of parole legislation and moving on tightening up security (including drug interdiction) in federal prisons
As we kick off 2009 the CCAA has the following priorities
Enhanced training for law enforcement off icers involved in chi ld abuse
investigations The introduction of provincial ldquosafe havenrdquo legislation that would pro-
vide a distressed mother who has given birth (within 72 hours) to take her baby to a place of safety (for example fire station police station hospital emergency) no questions asked and drop the baby off The purpose is to avoid the unthinkable mdash dumpster aban-donment murder at birth This legislation exists in all 50 of the United States but has yet to to be introduced in this country
Parole reform In addition the CCAA will work with partners on two parole and corrections recommendations They include legislating breach of parole as an offence for which a police officer has a power of arrest Com-plimentary to this the replacement of statutory release (automatic release after serving two thirds of a sentence) with regular earned parole Both recommendations were included in the final report of the Corrections Review Team and had been provided with others by the CCAA
We at the CCAA believe that much has been done on the criminal justice reform and public awareness front We are grateful for the pro-gress thus far and proud of the part we have played in moving the public safety agenda along
There is still much work to be done and the CCAA will step up to carry on this most important work
Selection of judges In recognition of the importance of the justice selection process the federal government has recently expanded the scope of people selected to sit on the regional Judicial Advisory Committees tasked with vetting potential ap-pointments and providing recom-mendations to the federal Attorney General and Minister of Justice for final selection Although still dominated by judges and lawyers a wider variety of voices and minds is now part of the selection proc-ess This is welcome news I am one of those voices I sit on one of the regional committees itrsquos an appointment we can all be proud of
Gun crime and other victim focused matters
Although outside the specific man-date of the CCAA (and not included in the Martinrsquos Hope report) in recognition of the impact on com-munities and particularly at risk children and youth the CCAA also appeared before the House of Commons Committee in support of mandatory minimum sentences for serious gun crimes and for amend-ments that tighten up the bail system for those charged with serious gun-related offences
In addition several crime victim supportive briefs were prepared for a number of safe school and com-
The CCAA (Continued from page 29)
ldquoWe at the CCAA hellip are
grateful for the progress
thus far and proud of
the part we have played
in moving the public
safety agenda alongrdquo
February 2009
Page 31
higher than its current statistical significance would suggest I would suggest itrsquos about one in four of the men I deal with 25 compared to the 16 suggested in the cur-rent literature If you allow for the fact that many of the men I work with have come from dysfunctional families that have been dysfunc-tional for generations the higher rate of incidence will hardly be surprising
I really had no idea when I started this job that I would have a head-
on collision with CSA No idea at all I was in my pre-survivor life My own past experi-ences were like a dormant volcano Sure some smoke would puff out every now and then for no readily apparent rea-son but no major eruption But as I heard more and more stories told by men in their own abyss of despair and self loath-ing things started to bubble within me
I remember the first man who disclosed to me He did not really intend to He started to tell part of a story and I just knew I just knew What he did say was part of an institutional abuse situa-tion that gained public awareness in the media After that story broke many men came forward as well to tell their story of how they too were abused as boys in a school
Inside
By Geeders (Jim)
W hen I was first asked to write about my experi-ences working in a jail I
wasnrsquot really sure what I could say about it Can I say this or should I say that Was it going to be really negative or show promise of better days ahead And what about me mdashthe new me mdash dealing with issues of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) at the same time as the men I see and work with How the hell was (or is) that going to work Well it is a work in progress after all and one that seems to evolve as I change and as I become more comfortable with my own sense of a new self
Let me begin by saying that there is nothing in this article that would meet the rigours of clinical dissection Equally important I do not work with sexual offenders What I am going to say is purely my experience based on personal observation No scientific analysis can be attributed to it apart from what we already know or suspect One in six men will have been sexually assaulted or abused by the time they are 18 It has long been opined that the number of abused men is actually
setting that was really a cover for juveniles in trouble with the law
The inmate I was working with did not come forward at that time He couldnrsquot His disclosure to me was the first time he had ever said anything about his abuse No one else knew mdash no one He was alone His pain was palpable and obvious His shame and guilt were profound Never had he admitted to himself what had happened in that school let alone admitted to a total stranger until that very moment I listened to his pain tried to console him just let him cry Eventually over the course of a couple of interviews it became obvious to me why he was in jail Any self-esteem that he had as a boy or young man was destroyed by his abuse His very essence was rewritten by the men who had abused him Teens get into trouble but they can also learn to later stay out of it by fol-lowing the teachings of those they trust But for this young man his ability to trust was destroyed by the very people who were sup-posed to care for him nurture him and dare I say it love him appro-priately What was even more tragic is that this man came from a cul-ture that has low tolerance for anything that even remotely resem-bles homosexuality
Being abused sent this man on a downward spiral that ultimately turned him into a drug addict by his own admission a junkie who hated himself for what ldquohe had
(Continued on page 32)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoOver the course of
several related careers I
have seen a lot of good
being done Irsquove also
seen a lot of ugliness
that even by todayrsquos
standards defies the
most common
sensibilities we have as
human beingsldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 32
donerdquo His shame and guilt and culture prevented him saying any-thing about what happened It cut him off from any legal action that might take place and removed any sort of financial compensation that he might gain as a result of his abuse It eventually cut him off from his own family because his drug abuse prevented him from working and supporting his wife and family It destroyed his ability to be a good dad and husband A few years later I saw him back in jail again
When I did encounter him again it was with an in-creased sense of awareness within me Every time a man disclosed to me that he had been sexually abused or assaulted I started to die inside A little piece of me just died every time a man said to me what I could not say to myself or anyone else That dormant volcano started to fume a bit more regularly
Over the course of several related careers I have seen a lot of good being done Irsquove also seen a lot of ugliness that even by todayrsquos standards defies the most common sensibilities we have as human beings It exists Itrsquos around every corner if we choose to look at it Along with the ugly we have the good We have people who are willing to take a stand and come forward to say to the world ldquoWe
Inside (Continued from page 31)
have a problem here itrsquos not going to go away and it needs to be fixedrdquo I had the good fortune to meet many of these people last year at a conference on male sex-ual victimization By then I had been able to learn from the men that I serve that perhaps I too could learn to tell someone Could I be a survivor too
Men in jail are there for a reason Whether itrsquos to protect society while they await trial or from
themselves or while sentenced they are here Whether I think they should be here is irrelevant They are usually at the end of their ropes Their lives are upside down and in turmoil They are frequently in withdrawal from illicit drug use They are in the bottom of a pit from which there does not appear to be an escape or refuge They are desperate and will act desperately
if needed They are angry and no longer have any control over their lives Someone has taken that control away from them They have no choice but to comply Failure to comply results in loss of privileges which can include being prohibited from contact with those they love the most Forced co-habitation with other men can evoke strong memories of prior abuse which they cannot deal with let alone understand It can be isolation
They are alone and cannot speak about their issues for fear of being discovered and further stigmatized and trau-matized by a peer group that cannot tolerate differences or diversity
I have been fortunate in that for some reason men trust me and feel safe and able to disclose And when they do you can see the relief on their faces They are scared for sure but it has always seemed to be a relief I have to ask them I have no choice because itrsquos part of my job But now as a survivor myself I can tell them they are not alone I cannot tell them about me but I can tell them they are not alone that they
are among the approximately one in six men who are assaulted or abused when they are boys or young men I can tell them about the few resources we have avail-able for men which are a 100 improvement compared to what they had when they first walked into my office I tell them about MaleSurvivor and have MS posters up in my office I can tell them that
ldquoTougher than lsquoNamrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 33
Maybe not I prefer to think that I have shown them that there is hope There is life in being a survi-vor they donrsquot have to be held hostage any longer by a secret that was put upon them by an abuser I prefer to think that I have been able to show them that they do not have to be ashamed for being male When I speak with them Irsquom a straight shooter I calls rsquoem as I sees lsquoem I use words they can understand mdash street language mdash which helps them understand their bodies and to understand that Mother Nature made them to be reactive and responsive I tell them that simply because their bodies reacted that their bodies re-sponded while being abused did not make the abuse their fault It takes a while to get there at times But the relief when the penny drops and they realize that they themselves were in no way respon-sible for the abuse is quite remark-able
Just this week Irsquove been working with a man who actually smiled when he came into my office He said ldquoI finally get it It wasnrsquot my faultrdquo He then went on to tell me that immediately prior to his at-tending in my office he had just disclosed to his sister while on the phone in his jail area surrounded by other inmates While it was perhaps not the safest venue for a disclosure he made his own deci-sion He said he was taking control As a 35 year old this man has not been in control since he was first abused at age seven Subsequent abuse only reinforced for him that he was an object a thing not worth anything Relationship after relationship failed him as he con-tinued to relive issues of abandon-
there are over 6000 people regis-tered at MS and that when they get out they will find tremendous support at the MS website I can tell them about Weekends of Re-covery without disclosing that attending a WOR was one of the best things I have done with my life They will know that they are no longer alone And not once has anyone asked me directly about me If they did I could not reply which in a round about way is a reply But I cannot reply Why The institution that I work in can be as intolerant of differences and diver-sity as the inmates are of each other The whole notion of male abuse and assault simply does not exist It is not spoken of It will not be spoken of mdash until now
Because abuse is now spoken of I have been able to create a support network for inmates and for myself Itrsquos a small step but a step never-theless Itrsquos spoken of now at a level never before reached in terms of official support and direction Support has yet to be defined but I have a mandate now to do a better job for male survivors Itrsquos on paper Itrsquos my goal
Safety of all concerned has to remain first and foremost mdash safety for the inmate safety for me With inmates disclosing to me often for the first time I am struck by what happens next A huge can of worms is opened And for what There is little safety here little opportunity to follow up The court system tosses these men around like dice One day they are here the next they are God knows where Have I done something that perhaps I shouldnrsquot have Maybe
ment physical and sexual abuse sexual orientation confusion anger management substance abuse domestic violence self respect low self esteem boundaries mdash these and much more impact upon this man daily But hersquos making a start Itrsquos another chance We all need them
I would be remiss to not mention the support of my colleagues Some of them do know about me and they have been tremendously supportive and understanding They too share a belief that it is possible for men to become survivors I cannot imagine doing this work everyday without their ongoing support I love you guys
The resources I refer to are few the Menrsquos Project in Ottawa The Gate-house in Toronto as well as local sexual assault centres I discovered on my own road to recovery that our local sexual assault centre does in fact offer services to men but does not advertise this due to the fear of being inundated with refer-rals They simply are not equipped to handle what surely lies out in my community When the report of the Cornwall Inquiry comes out later this year it is my belief that it will force our government our society to re-examine how its treatment of boys and men is provided Hope-fully those who are like I was feeling alone fearful uncomfortable in their own skin will feel more enabled to come forward to shed that skin that was put on them by their abuser(s) and step out of the ordinary letting their souls ascend and become free
Vol 2 No 2
Page 34
A History of Male Survi-vor Services in Queacutebec
and First Nations Communities
By Caroline Benamza (dance and drama therapistpsychotherapist at CRIPHASE)
And by Benoicirct St Jean (Director of CRIPHASE)
Contact Tel +1-514-529-55-67 Email infocriphaseorg
Website wwwcriphaseorg
T he latest statistics in Queacutebec show that one out of every six men has been sexually
abused before the age of 18 but there are very few statistics regard-ing male survivors and this estima-tion is only based on reported abuse Most adult men or boys who are survivors go unnoticed because most of the services in Queacutebec are exclusively for women In 2008 the male population in Queacutebec was about 3800000 of which about 3000000 are above 20 years of age (from the Institut de la Statistique) Therefore we can estimate that in Queacutebec there are around 500000 male survivors actually visible within the different health care services justice system and police departments The num-ber is already frightening for a seemingly peaceful society like Queacutebec When it comes to Native American communities as many as 80 of boys have been sexually abused before the age of 18 This number is quite similar mdash but for different reasons mdash to the male population within the Federal or Provincial prisons
The reality of male survivors of sexual abuse in childhood has remained in the dark for years in Queacutebec and it is only in the last four years that the government has acknowledged the necessity of funding counseling services for male survivors Historically it can be explained The first services for survivors have been developed since the 1960s within the very strong Queacutebeacutecois feminist move-ments The women have built along the years a strong network of ser-vices for female vic-tims of sexual abuse and domestic vio-lence Today these services still exist as the CALACS (Centres dAide et de Lutte contre les Agressions agrave Caractegravere Sexuel = Sexual Assault Cen-tres) network for survivors of sexual abuse Due to a strong belief in pro-viding a safe haven for women survivors men were turned away from these services and had nowhere to go Only two survivorsrsquo centres in the Montreal area outside the CALACS network welcomed men but those men represent only 5 of clients
This situation became obvious when the CAVAC (Centre drsquoAide pour les Victime drsquoActes Criminels = Crime Victims Assistance Centres) started to provide counseling ser-
vices to victims of criminal acts who wished to press charges and go through a court procedure The first services in Queacutebec for male survivors therefore came from a strong need in the society In 1996 the CAVAC decided to fund an experimental program directed by Denis Reneacute to offer a support group for male survivors This program was named the PHASE Groups (Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = For Men Sexually Abused in Child-
hood) With the suc-cess of these first groups between 1996 and 1997 the CAVAC of Montreal tried to secure funding for the continuation of services Unfortu-nately the PHASE Groups suffered from the double status it carried within the government the Minister of Justice that was the main funder of the CAVAC refused to fund a counseling service supposedly to be funded by the Health Minister Later the Health Minister turned down the
funding because as part of CAVAC the program should have been funded by the Minister of Justice
So it was in 1997 that Denis Reneacute decided to secure the future of the PHASE Groups by registering them
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoWhen it comes to
Native American
communities as many
as 80 of boys have
been sexually abused
before the age of 18
This number is quite
similarmdashbut for different
reasonsmdashto the male
population within the
Federal or Provincial
prisonsrdquo
February 2009
Page 35
intimacy and sexuality issues) and PHASE Artistique (a 10 weeks art and movement therapy program) with a holistic approach to body and mind recovery
In 2008 the very first weekend of recovery (named PHASE Weekend) was created and CRIPHASE wishes to make the weekend an annual event In 2003 for the first time
CRIPHASE became a full member of the Table de Concertation en Agressions Sexuelles (a gathering of several organizations providing services to survivors in addition to representatives from the Justice the Health Minister and the police) This cooperation allows a better understanding of survivor issues and needs as well as a better coor-
within a non-profit organization that took the name CRIPHASE (Centre de Resources et drsquointervention Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = Resource and Intervention Centre for Men who have been Sexually Abused in Childhood) For 10 years the Groups have survived on pri-vate funding and have provided two recovery Groups called PHASE 1 and PHASE 2 Each PHASE is a 10-week program serving non-offending male survivors over 18 years of age and of all sexual orienta-tions With its first public funding in 2004 of $38000 a director was en-gaged by the board of administration and in 2008 the PSOC (a funding body within the agency of Health and Social Services) fi-nally secured the future of CRIPHASE with a first major funding rooting CRIPHASE in the circle of sexual abuse survivors centres
Since 2006 CRIPHASE has devel-oped a major politics of visibility through the media conferences and meetings with the different actors of the Queacutebeacutecois stage Three more programs have been developed within CRIPHASE PHASE Conjoint (for partners of male survivors) PHASE Sexo (a 10 weeks program of recovery focusing on
dination of services on the ground From within the Table CRIPHASE has been able to educate people on the issue of male survivors and participate or initiate projects such as the Information Guide for Sexual Assault Victims and the first pre-vention mobilization and aware-ness march for sexual abuse survi-vors in 2008 The presence of CRIPHASE at the Table has also
allowed the feminists within the CALACS to have a better under-standing of the suffer-ing of male survivors who are also victims in their own way of an old patriarchal system CRIPHASE was also finally incorporated in the CALACS coordina-tion groupmdashcalled Table des CALACS mdash in 2008
Until 2008 there were no services provided in English (Queacutebec is a French-speaking province where Eng-lish speakers are a minority) due to lack of funding to translate the PHASE 1 docu-ments and employ English-speaking therapists The project
to offer groups in English had been put aside for years but finally in 2008 the first groups of PHASE 1 and 2 opened for English speakers The PHASE Artistique and PHASE Weekend are now bilingual pro-grams
(Continued on page 36)
Phone calls received at CRIPHASE
male survivors
therapists
relatives and loved ones
other
The average male survivor using the services at CRIPHASE is aged between 35 and 55
Vol 2 No 2
Page 36
Male survivors in the Native American
communities Recovery programs within Native American communities are only starting Many Native American men were sexually abused as well as psychologically and emotionally abused when they were sent to boarding schools across the province for assimila-tion The effects of this traumatic experience (including historic trauma) can be seen in all First Nations of Queacutebec Algonquians Cris Innus Abenakis Innuits Micmacs and so forth Today there is a strong need of heal-ing for this lost gen-eration but traumatic experiences and con-sequences have been passed on to the next generations Unfortu-nately sexual abuse is one of these problems which need to be addressed through prevention and coun-seling in a way that will integrate Native American traditions and their holistic ap-proach to medicine Such programs already exist within some communi-ties Organizations like GRIPMA (Groupe de Recherches et dInter-ventions Psychosociales en Milieu Autochtone = Research and Inter-vention group in Aboriginal Com-munities) located in the Huron
History of Male Survivor Services (Continued from page 35)
community of Wendake (near Queacute-bec city) provide a clinical expertise in intervention within Native Ameri-can communities On the other side the Aboriginal Healing Foun-dation based in Ottawa is currently funding 16 recovery projects for the First Nations in Queacutebec ad-dressing sexual abuse addiction prevention of suicide boarding schools trauma etc until 2010
Last year the publication of the five-year funding plan on sexual abuse by the provincial govern-ment of Queacutebec has seen the recognition of male survivors as a population in great need of ser-vices It has also recognized the necessity of providing services to the First Nations communities
Things are changing in Queacutebec for male survivors Because CRIPHASE is the only organization providing support and counseling to men in Queacutebec who have been sexually abused in childhood there is great hope for an increase of funding this year The constant develop-ment of CRIPHASE and the increase in phone calls and numbers of guys within the services (in 2008-
2009 there will be seven groups of PHASE 1 in-stead of five the year before) also show that men in Queacutebec are get-ting the right information on sexual abuse and services and are being encouraged to look for help and engage in re-covery
If you are one of these men in Queacutebec we are waiting for your call Remember you are not alone
For the annual march event please visit wwwmarchevasca (Information for the May 2009 march will be on line from February 2009)
Quilt Square by a Native Child from Alberta From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 37
MaleSurvivor is men surviving sexual abuse in Canada we will start with Canadarsquos sad legacy of abuse of children by clergy
A Brief Incomplete Canadian History
In Canada our First Nations People have had to bear the legacy of abuse they endured in Canadarsquos notorious residential schools Cur-rent issues of addictions and family and mental health problems amongst our First Nations people can be traced back to the legacy of abuse experienced by Native chil-dren in residential schools
Around 1874 the federal government began working with the churches (Catholic Anglican United and Presbyte-rian) to set up the Residential School System as a means to suppress Native cul-ture and promote assimilation In gen-eral children between the ages of five and 16 were taken from their parents and sent to church-run residen-tial schools The extent of the abuse in these church-run schools has been referred to as the ldquoCanadian Holocaustrdquo Recently the Canadian Government formed the Truth and Reconciliation Commis-sion (TRC) as part of the court-approved Indian Residential Schools Settlement Agreement The
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious
Leader By Nancy N Mayer MSW RSW
Partner Crisci amp Mayer Consultation Counselling and
Training Toronto wwwckmconsultationcom
Introduction
L ikely all the readers of this newsletter have knowledge and expertise about men
being physically sexually and emotionally abused Research tells us that abusers can come from any
walk of life and most often are known to the child or adult In the last decade abuse by clergy has finally ldquocome out of the closetrdquo so to
speak thanks to those brave survi-vors who have made public their experiences of being abused by clergy More than ever survivor groups are encouraging victims to report these crimes to the police and to consider seeking civil re-dress for their injuries Many groups believe that change in churches will only come when they are held accountable for the abuse perpetrated by clergy
This article will attempt to address the distinctive issues that are com-mon to this population of survivors Because the focus of this issue of
purpose of the commission is not to determine guilt or innocence but to create an historical account of the residential schools help people to heal and encourage reconciliation between Aboriginal and non-aboriginal Canadians
The notorious Mount Cashel Or-phanage is another Canadian leg-acy of sexual abuse by clergy This facility was operated in Newfound-land by the Christian Brothers More than a dozen priests were convicted after decades of abusing young boys at the orphanage
Mount Cashel Or-phanage closed in 1989 just six months after allegations of sexual physical and emotional abuse were published by the media (For more in depth information see Harris Michael Unholy Orders Trag-edy at Mount Cashel Ontario Viking Press 1990)
Like the US there have been hundreds and perhaps thou-sands of cases of children and vulner-
able adults abused by clergy in every religious denomination Unlike the US our country is not bound as strictly by statutes of limitations so lawsuits can proceed more freely Our sentences for convicted clerical sex offenders are
(Continued on page 38)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Nancy N Mayer
ldquo[First Nations] children
between the ages of five
and 16 were taken from
their parents and sent to
church-run residential
schools The extent of
the abuse in these
church-run schools has
been referred to as the
lsquoCanadian Holocaustrsquoldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 38
nowhere near as severe as those of our American neighbours Most first offenders will not serve a day in jail The civil awards for personal inju-ries are also quite low Our court system promotes set-tling these cases out of court When a case fails to go to trial it is not part of the public re-cord The widespread use of confidentiality orders media fatigue and Canadian reserve means that it is impos-sible to obtain accurate statistics on how often men are abused by clergy or even the ex-tent of the problem in this country
The Authority of Rel igious Leaders Religious organizations have always played a central role in our so-cieties They provide moral ethical and spiritual guidance Reli-gious teachings have given us a context and meaning for our lives Most religious belief revolves around a divine power or God Religious leaders (ministers priests rabbis elders nuns) are thought to be Godrsquos earthly repre-sentatives and are treated with reverence and respect They have intimate involvement with families and children at such vulnerable times as an illness death or other family crises They may have access
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 37)
to confidential information by virtue of their roles of confessor or counsellor A child brought up by religious parents is taught to re-spect these men and women Oth-ers associated with churches mdash choir leaders teachers cantors youth group leaders mdash are also considered trustworthy by virtue of their close
association with their religious organizations Most parents en-courage their childrenrsquos participa-tion in church-based activities believing them to be safe and wholesome
These leaders are considered to be esteemed authorities and as repre-sentatives of God wield a great deal of power Depending on the faith group there may be teachings
that support an unquestioning adherence to their instructions and guidance This makes children and vulnerable adults particularly sus-ceptible to exploitation by this group because they have access opportunity and trust
Misuse of Power Perpetrators can utilize their positions of power and trust to gain access to their victims some-times for extended periods of uninterrupted time They may tell children that they are being asked to ldquoserve Godrdquo or that they or their families will be punished if they do not do as instructed Chil-dren may be threatened with eternal damnation or blamed for leading the religious leader into sin If the religion con-siders premarital sex or same sex contacts as sinful the guilt will be compounded
In most cases the victim will not disclose or may disclose but not be
believed A child will have a difficult time convincing adults that he or she has been victimized The vic-timrsquos family culture or communi-ties have been socialized to see their religious leaders as unques-tionably good and incapable of lies This can lead to others denying or minimizing the victimrsquos experience of abuse The victim is initially harmed by the abuser and then is revictimized by those who cannot
ldquoMay Hope be Passed through Every Handrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 39
institutionrsquos response and lack of compassion and pastoral care
The Impact on Spir ituality
The frequently used term ldquosoul murderrdquo aptly describes what hap-pens when the abuser is a religious leader When the response of the religious institu-tion to a disclosure of abuse is experienced as self-serving and uncaring the survivor will likely lose his faith in the religious community of which he has been a part To belong and to feel connected is a basic human need When abused by clergy the loss of connection and belonging to what may have been a spiritual anchor can be devastating
To compound the harm the abuse may have occurred in a religious building The abuser may have worn traditional cleri-cal attire or may have made religious or biblical refer-ences As a result being exposed to religious symbols music or any other reminder can trigger flashbacks and other uncomfortable physical symptoms
The cleric is often considered Godrsquos representative on earth This gives the cleric power that surpasses his position and status When abuse is at the hands of a minister nun
accept that their spiritual leaders are capable of abuse There are many stories of clergy abuse survi-vors being abandoned by their religious communities (who side with the cleric) and their families who cannot face leaving the church that has given their lives meaning and comfort The resultant feelings of betrayal and abandonment are profound
The Role of the Religious Inst itutions
When religious institutions hold themselves up as ethical compasses and arbitrators of right and wrong society has an expectation that church leaders will act in a fair and moral way Many US Commissions and Grand Juries and Canadian reports such as the Winter Com-mission Report (Archdiocese of St Johns Newfoundland Canada 1990) Child Abuse in Community Institutions and Organizations and Improving Public and Professional Understanding (prepared for the Law Commission of Canada) all record and explain the dynamics that have lead to the failure of religious institutions to protect our children
While it is well known that any institution mdash educational recrea-tional or spiritual mdash is not immune from having sex offenders in its midst the religious institutions have a particular legacy of protect-ing the institution through aggres-sive legal tactics versus truth telling and reconciliation Many victims state that they have been less wounded by the actual abuse and profoundly more damaged by the
priest rabbi minister or elder the recipient of the abuse may experi-ence profound guilt for ldquoparticipatingrdquo in ldquosinfulrdquo behaviour mdash a mistaken belief that he is respon-sible for the abuse or shame that
he has ldquosinnedrdquo He may believe he is deserving of rejection or eternal damnation If he confesses he risks exposing the cleric who has likely done what he could to trick the victim into believing that he must maintain silence and secrecy One survivor describes feeling that rdquoIt was like being abused by God him-self If even God couldnrsquot love me how could anyone else ever love merdquo
These factors alone can leave a man who has been abused by clergy unable to find comfort and solace in what used to be his spiritual beliefs and his church Without these familiar beliefs the survivor is aban-
doned and alone when he most needs support
The Role of Gender While woman are ordained in some denominations there is still an imbalance of power between men and women in many religious tradi-tions For boys and men abused by male clerics embarrassment and
(Continued on page 40)
ldquoThe frequently used
term lsquosoul murderrsquo aptly
describes what happens
when the abuser is a
religious leader When
the response of the
religious institution to a
disclosure of abuse is
experienced as self-
serving and uncaring
the survivor will likely
lose his faith in the
religious community of
which he has been
a partrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 40
concerns of how they will be per-ceived promote silence For the boy or man abused by a female cleric there may be worries that he will be labelled the seducer or pres-sured to consider this ldquorelationshiprdquo as non-abusive
The study conducted by the John Jay Col-lege of Criminal Jus-tice regarding The Nature and Scope of the Problem of Sexual Abuse of Minors by Priests and Deacons in the Catholic Church (Washington DC USCCB 2004) found some very disturbing information about the age and gender of victims The largest group of reported victims (509) was between the ages of 11 and 14 273 of victims were 15 to 17 16 were eight to 10 and nearly 6 were under age seven Overall 81 of vic-tims were male and 19 female Male victims tended to be older than female victims Over 40 of all victims were males between the ages of 11 and 14
The largest group of reported victims in this study consisted of boys who were entering puberty This is a tumultuous time in most
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 39)
young menrsquos lives To have this period of development disrupted can contribute to many mental health problems including lack of confidence disruption of emo-tional sexual and psycho-social development isolation sexual identity confusion depression anxiety and abuse of substances
In Summary The harm experienced by those
who are abused by clergy is profound and multifaceted Some therapists will not want to work with survivors of clergy abuse due to the complexity of their issues their limited knowledge of the subject area possible religious biases and potential for litigation Most (but certainly not all) survivors will have experienced revictimization by their churches or religious institutions This compounded by abuse by a religious leader in a position of power will under-standably lead to unique challenges Survivors will have
significant trust issues that can impede the forming of a trusting therapeutic relationship with a therapist who will also be in a position of power and may be an employee of an institution With transparency and skill on the part of the therapist and tenacity on the part of the survivor effective thera-
peutic partnership can be achieved While recovery is difficult it is possible
The irony is that many survivors of abuse by clergy have a strong sense of integrity morality and perseverance They learned the lessons that the ldquoreligiousrdquo offend-ers failed to learn At the core of their beings these clergy abuse survivors are the prophets who have come to speak the truth and reveal the abuse and the decep-tions It is this desire for social justice truth telling belonging and connection that will allow a healthy spiritual belief system to rise out of the ashes of what has happened It is this healthy spiritual belief that makes many clergy abuse survivors persistent and tenacious in seeking recovery and social justice They are making a difference and chang-ing the world as we know it
ldquoThe harm experienced
by those who are
abused by clergy is
profound and
multifaceted Some
therapists will not want
to work with survivors
of clergy abuse due to
the complexity of their
issues their limited
knowledge of the
subject area possible
religious biases and
potential for litigationldquo
February 2009
Page 41
tion of it earlier in the lsquo90s but 1997 is when there was a critical mass of mostly male survivors coming forward and taking action against Maple Leaf Gardens Your question specifically was ldquoDid it play a role in my choice of ca-reersrdquo
MS Yes
SJ Yes and no The Maple Leaf
Gardens cases were not my first sexual assault cases but my in-volvement in these cases solidified my interest and desire to help sur-vivors
MS Could you take a few minutes to explain to our readers just what the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal was and why it has played a central role in revealing the extent of sex-ual abuse at least in the Toronto area
of my clients will say something like ldquoYou know this is not about the money I donrsquot care how much I get this is about something elserdquo And whatever that person seeks mdash an apology or the empowerment of filing a lawsuit or a million other unique things mdash that is why I do this kind of work Itrsquos about helping people through whatever process they need in order to begin that healing process the moving forward process
MS And also to provide your clients with a sense of justice
SJ Absolutely Justice is really not about the money itrsquos about the knowledge that theyrsquove come forward theyrsquove done something and theyrsquove empowered themselves It takes a tre-mendous amount of courage to do that I am always in awe of my cli-ents for the amount of courage they have They are my inspiration
MS Many Americans are unaware of the so-called Maple Leaf Gar-dens sex scandal that began some-time in the 1960s but didnrsquot come to wide public attention until 1997 the year after you began practicing law Did this scandal have some affect on your choice of career
SJ Actually the scandal did come to prominence before 1997 There was scattered media atten-
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 1)
SJ Sure There was a series of men who were employed at Maple Leaf Gardens which was the home of the Toronto Maple Leafs mdash the hockey club mdash who over a period of a couple of decades sexually abused probably hundreds of chil-dren It started in the lsquo60s it went on we believe until the early lsquo80s There were two principal men in-volved but there were at least three
others who also were ac-cused In order to under-stand why the Maple Leaf Gardens sex scandals are as important as they are you have to understand that hockey in Toronto and hockey in Canada is almost a religion Hockey is to Canadians what the NFL or Major League Baseball is to Americans Every little boy dreams of about becoming the next Wayne Gretzky becoming the best hockey player he can be Maple Leaf Gar-dens was the home of one of the best loved and biggest hockey teams mdash the Toronto Maple Leafs The Gardens was the high
temple of hockey in Canada and still is In the lsquo60s lsquo70s and even the lsquo80s children mdash mostly boys mdash would go to Maple Leaf Gardens usually unaccompanied by their parents because back then nobody really thought that anything bad would happen to them at the Gar-dens The boys would go there ei-ther for practice games or to watch the Maple Leafs play or more likely they would go to watch To-
(Continued on page 42)
ldquoMaple Leaf Gardens in Memory of Martin Kruzerdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 42
ronto Marlies games The Marlies were the farm team for the Toronto Maple Leafs During these games and these practices the pedophiles who worked at the Gardenrsquos would often befriend these boys seeking out boys who were more vulner-able than others most likely and would sexually assault the boys sometimes off-property but most often within the Gardens itself They would use their position as employees of the Gardens to be able to say to the boys if you come with me Irsquoll get you a broken hockey stick or hockey puck or Irsquoll get you into better seats the next game or whatever other type of inducement would be necessary to get the boys to go with them into either a washroom or a training room or other private place where the boys would be sexually abused
In 1997 there were about 50 or 60 cases all joined to-gether and Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Entertainment Ltd wanted to settle all the cases prior to the Toronto Maple Leafs moving into a new hockey rink called the Air Canada Center so as to have a clean slate at the new rink By and large a lot of the litigation was fin-ished before the team moved into the Air Canada Center but not all of it In fact there are probably 17 or 19 cases going through the court
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 41)
system today more than 10 years after the original large group of plaintiffs went through the court and I believe that new people will continue to come forward when they are strong enough
MS I understand that one of the principal plaintiffs in the case Mar-tin Kruze had settled with the owners or the operators of the Ma-ple Leaf Gardens in 1995 and that he signed a confidentiality agree-ment not to reveal the settlement
or perhaps even the details of what had happened to him Do you think that the confidentiality agree-ment Mr Kruze agreed to slowed down or hindered the full exposure of this scandal
SJ I think that any confidentiality agreement blocks public access to knowledge and to understanding so I do suspect that Martinrsquos confi-dentiality agreement did have some impact on the scandal re-
maining hidden for as long as it did Absolutely yes I believe that confidentiality agreements are in-herently difficult for plaintiffs be-cause they create and continue a cycle of secrecy Sexual assault is a crime that is almost always carried out in secret and the guilt and shame it produces is key in helping pedophiles maintain their hold over their victims Putting a confidential-ity agreement on a settlement just perpetuates the guilt and the shame
MS Unfortunately Martin Kruzersquos principal perpetrator received a shockingly light sen-tence for all his actions and I understand that this led to Martin com-mitting suicide shortly afterwards
SJ I would think that the perpetratorrsquos sentence was a part of why Martin chose to end his life yes It hap-pened relatively shortly after the sentencing and I suspect that it weighed heavily on Martinrsquos decision
MS Do you think that the sen-tence that the perpetrator received was a reflection of the then current attitude towards pedophiles and sexual abuse
SJ The sentence that the perpe-trator received was a reflection on the way that the Canadian justice system deals with criminals regard-ing personal crimes absolutely It was a very low sentence in keep-
Imants Kruze visiting his sonrsquos memorial quilt square in the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 43
obtain here versus how much they can obtain in the United States In the United States there is no cap for pain and suffering awards whereas here in Canada there is a very small cap mdash about $325000 If a survivor of sexual assault goes through the court system and even if they have a very good day in court in terms of compensation yoursquore probably looking at an award for dam-ages somewhere be-tween $200000 and $500000 Sometimes itrsquos actually less than $200000 and very very rarely more than $500000 so in that sense we are defi-nitely behind But I donrsquot think itrsquos a question of waiting 10 years to see if we ldquocatch uprdquo I think itrsquos just a fundamental difference in how our court system works and whatrsquos available to survivors in terms of compensation
If you mean that Canada is 10 years behind in dealing with other aspects of sexual assault then you are probably correct in terms of media attention public awareness and outrage Sexual assault is still largely an unreported unprose-cuted crime But things are getting better every day and as more and more survivors come forward posi-tive changes will continue to hap-pen
MS As Irsquom sure you know therersquos periodic discussion about tort re-
ing with what was handed out at the time and to a large extent itrsquos still in keeping with what is handed out right now
MS Are you still representing or have you represented anyone who is a plaintiff in this scandal
SJ I was very much involved in the core group of Maple Leaf Gar-dens survivors that came forward in 1997 I was on what was called the plaintiffsrsquo committee back then which was a group of a few lawyers who brought the litigation forward I represented a number of plaintiffs in the original group that came forward I have also represented quite a few men throughout the last 10 years and currently repre-sent two men in the last group of plaintiffs to come forward I have also been approached by at least two other men who may decide to pursue litigation
MS Dale English mdash who has spo-ken to you at some length mdash has said to me that either you or he or both of you have felt that Canada is perhaps 10 or more years behind the US in dealing with the issues of sexual abuse and sexual assault Could you elaborate on that com-ment
SJ I think it depends on what you mean by dealing with the is-sues If you mean dealing with the issues in terms of bringing civil cases forward to a certain extent we are behind One of the funda-mental differences between the United States and Canada is the way that our tort systems operate and specifically the amount of compensation that tort victims can
form in the United States mainly aimed at capping punitive dam-ages Irsquom wondering whether there is the mirror of that in Canada mdash whether therersquos any movement to-wards tort reform that would allow greater awards to victims
SJ Well there is and there isnrsquot In Canada itrsquos very difficult if not
impossible to get pu-nitive damages espe-cially if therersquos a criminal conviction The punitive damages that are available in Canada are very low A typical punitive damage award would be $20000 or $25000 - usually not much more than that So damages are quite restricted here in any event In terms of tort reform I think there is a global push by in-surance companies to
try to limit compensation whether in the States or here The things that the American Association of Justice are fighting for down in the States are the same things that the Ontario Trial Lawyers Association are fighting for here mdash the continued ability to sue for compensation un-hampered by legislative roadblocks benefitting powerful institutional defendants to the detriment of those who have suffered Ours is a much smaller playing field and therefore less money is at stake In terms of plaintiffsrsquo lawyers wersquore trying to maximize the compensa-tion that we can get for our client Every time we go to court we try
(Continued on page 44)
ldquoIf you mean that
Canada is 10 years
behind in dealing with
other aspects of sexual
assault then you are
probably correct in
terms of media
attention public
awareness and outrageldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 44
to get a higher damage award so that that case will be a building block for future cases There are always attempts to try to circum-vent the cap on pain and suffering damages that we have Itrsquos not an easy thing to do the cap has been in place in Canada for 32 years now It was put in place in 1977 by the Supreme Court of Canada and itrsquos unlikely to be overturned any-time soon Even though from a purely theoretical legal analysis that cap does not apply to pain and suffering damages for victims of sexual assault and sexual abuse the reality is that judges still use that cap as a high water mark even though it doesnrsquot formally apply mdash it is still a de facto cap and to be honest with you it is almost impos-sible to get anywhere near that cap for compensation for pain and suf-fering A typical pain and suffering award in Canada for childhood sex-ual abuse is somewhere between $100000 and $200000 Anything on top of that would be associated economic loss or care costs
MS Itrsquos quite unfortunate that even though therersquos no real cap the law behaves as if there were one
SJ Yep I couldnrsquot agree with you more Itrsquos very unfortunate
MS I understand that in 2005 the government of Ontario convened whatrsquos known as the Cornwall Pub-lic Inquiry Was the Inquiry con-vened to address the issues of sex-ual abuse and sexual assault and
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 43)
the way the justice system is han-dling it
SJ Thatrsquos probably one of the reasons the Inquiry was convened Thatrsquos one of the hopes The In-quiry was convened because of what was going on in a little city east of Toronto mdash a series of allega-tions against very prominent mem-bers of that community involving the sexual abuse of children over a period of many many years The idea behind the Inquiry is to try to figure out what happened and to put in place some recommenda-tions that will not only stop some-thing like the abuse in Cornwall from happening again but will also try to help those who were affected by the events in the first place And to some extent I think some good will come of the Inquiry Hopefully the recommendations will be good for survivors of childhood sexual abuse or any kind of sexual assault The Submission phase of the In-quiry officially ended late February 2009
MS Did you have the opportunity to testify before the Inquiry
SJ I did not personally testify before the Inquiry Testimony was generally limited to the people ac-tually involved mdash police officers vic-tims what not I was involved in the Inquiry with regards to a panel discussionroundtable that they had regarding the use of confiden-tiality agreements
MS As you probably know Male-Survivor was first founded in the early 1980s by a group of thera-pists who were concerned about support for victims of childhood
sexual abuse and although Male-Survivor is still not a very large or-ganization it has increased its in-fluence significantly over the years and Irsquom wondering whether there is a similar non-profit or other group in Canada that also is dedi-cated to helping victims of child-hood sexual abuse
SJ There are some grass roots organizations that deal with victims of childhood sexual abuse or adult sexual assault I donrsquot believe there is as cohesive a unit as MaleSurvi-vor I may be wrong on that but there are smaller more community based organizations that assist sur-vivors That being said resources available to survivors are unfortu-nately pretty limited
MS Is that because there are too few therapists in that form of prac-tice
SJ I think itrsquos a mixture of many different things First of all Canada has a much smaller population base mdash 30 million people as com-pared to 300 million in the United States mdash so you have significantly fewer people affected and there-fore you have significantly fewer resources available to those people The services that we do have will often have very long waiting lists before people can access them There are some very very good counselors in Canada assisting sur-vivors but unfortunately the waiting lists are sometimes long and the availability for public funding to provide services free of charge is somewhat limited
MS Is there anything in your opinion about the Canadian health
February 2009
Page 45
system that contributes to the scar-city of services
SJ I donrsquot know if itrsquos the Cana-dian health system I think that in Canada we have a pretty good public health system in the sense that anybody who needs medical services can access those services free of charge The problem is that a lot of these services are not covered under our health system per se Many are covered under either private plans or pay as you go type services and itrsquos just a question of finding the people who can provide these services and being lucky enough to get them when they either donrsquot have a waiting list or other-wise having to wait until your name comes up on that waiting list
MS And that could takes years in some cases it seems
SJ My understanding is that those waiting lists can be quite long but there are very good peo-ple out there Itrsquos just a question of finding them and being able to afford them
MS Can you elaborate on other differences between the US and Canada that affect the way survi-vors and perpetrators are treated by the legal system and the media
SJ The differences between Can-ada and the US are really huge On the surface Americans and Canadi-ans look pretty much the same dress the same talk the same eat the same foods and by and large watch the same TV but culturally there is a huge difference in the way we look at the world in the
way our legal system works and the way that people interact with one another
Americans are much more litigious by na-ture I think this is due to the fact that in the United States mdash at least as seen from the outside mdash the rights of the individual are paramount In Can-ada less so Canada is much more commu-nity-oriented We of-tentimes think about how something is going to affect others instead of looking at what an individual might be entitled to I think that the high
damage awards available through the American legal system are beneficial in sexual abuse cases as is the lack of a cap on awards which we have
In some ways though our legal system is much better for my cli-ents than the US system would be because of the way that our actual process works One of the things that I know is very damaging to a lot of plaintiffs in the United States is the whole discovery process tak-
ing depositions Depositions can go on for a huge number of days and pretty much everybody in the per-sonrsquos life can be called to give a deposition That is very troubling and painful for people who donrsquot necessarily want others to know about their abuse or donrsquot want to involve their family Here in Canada depositions mdash or what we call the examination for discovery mdash are lim-ited to the actual named parties in the lawsuit The defendant and the plaintiff are examined for discovery or deposed if you will Anyone who is not an actual party to the litiga-tion can only be discovered under court orders and itrsquos very difficult to get those court orders so in that sense itrsquos a much quicker cleaner process and less intrusive on some-onersquos life So that is probably a good thing
The other really huge difference between the two systems which I think does in fact impact on why a lot of these cases settle as opposed to going to court and oftentimes settle for very different amounts of money than they would if they went to court is that in Canada we have a ldquoloser paysrdquo system If you go to court and you lose you have to pay at least a portion of the fees incurred by the other side Letrsquos say the defendantrsquos settlement offer is $100000 If the plaintiff does not accept that $100000 and at trial the plaintiff gets $99000 then the plaintiff has to pay the lawyerrsquos fees of the defendant because the award is less than the settlement offer That is very difficult That means that a lot of cases are set-tled for probably less money than
(Continued on page 46)
ldquoOn the surface
Americans and
Canadians look pretty
much the same hellip but
culturally there is a
huge difference in the
way we look at the
world in the way our
legal system works and
the way that people
interact with one
anotherldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 46
MS I join you in that hope Any-thing that can advance the cause of not only helping people but also helping prevent further abuses is always going to be welcome If you could set forth a vision of how you would like to see the law and the therapeutic community in Canada evolve to handle matters of child-
hood sexual abuse and sexual assault mdash if you could influence the reform of institu-tions what would your vision be
SJ Oh Richard Wow Well first and foremost I would love to raise public aware-ness of this issue for various reasons I think that increased public awareness will not necessarily reduce the instances of abuse but will help improve how abuse is dealt with when itrsquos ongoing and after-wards Itrsquos very im-portant that when a child is hurt that
child knows that he can go to peo-ple for help and support All too often if kids get up enough cour-age to tell someone the reaction they get is not very positive I think that with increased public aware-ness hopefully people will under-stand that there are ways to deal with this that will decrease the amount of harm so public aware-ness is paramount
I would like the legal system to raise compensation awards for sur-
turning point in bringing to the publicrsquos attention that the sexual assault of children can happen does happen and itrsquos a very diffi-cult thing for anyone to go through whether theyrsquore little boys or grown men that were abused as children It brought childhood sex-ual abuse out of the shadows to a certain extent The scandal still garners media attention as new survivors come forward but not the same as it did 10 years ago
MS Would you say that the lack of inves-tigative reporting is a cultural phenomenon or is it that the news-papers donrsquot feel they have that role
SJ Oh no Canadian newspapers do feel that they have a role in investigating things but for whatever rea-son sexual abuse of children has not been a priority The Cana-dian media really has not been at the forefront of this issue the way the media in the United States has been and I think that is tremen-dously disappointing The lack of media attention means that we arenrsquot fostering the awareness within the public that we need in order to provide real help and ser-vices for survivors We need the mediarsquos help to bring this horrific crime to light and to help stop it from happening
they would get if they went to court because that risk of going to court and not getting at least the amount of the original offer weighs heavily on everyone Our system is designed and geared toward avoid-ing trials which can be good be-cause nobody really wants to go through a trial but can be bad be-cause people become very intimi-dated by the prospect of losing or not getting as much as the settle-ment offer and being indebted to the defendant for a lot of money Thatrsquos a scary scary thing to go through
With regards to the media the US has a media that by and large has helped out a lot with sexual abuse cases The whole issue of clergy abuse really started with investiga-tive reporting by the Boston Globe right
MS Right
SJ They really took that issue and just ran with it Here in Canada we really havenrsquot had the same kind of investigative media cover-age as yoursquove had which is why events like the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal are not as huge as they are down in the States
Before Martin Kruze committed sui-cide the media was only somewhat interested in the Maple Leaf Gar-dens scandal Martin Kruze was a figure because he had sued the Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Com-plex But after he committed sui-cide the media was really galva-nized and that was probably a
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 45)
ldquoThe lack of media
attention means that we
arenrsquot fostering the
awareness within the
public that we need in
order to provide real
help and services for
survivors We need the
mediarsquos help to bring
this horrific crime to
light and to help stop it
from happeningrdquo
February 2009
Page 47
ments but it canrsquot at this stage really happen through the courts
I would want there to be an ability for institutions or perpetrators mdash de-fendants mdash to look beyond mere dollars and cents and look toward healing the person that they have hurt either directly or indirectly All too often in these cases we really become tied up in the legal minu-tiae of things as opposed to defen-dants saying ldquoOK letrsquos step back here and letrsquos try to helprdquo
I wish that there were a real under-standing that these cases are not car accident cases and they should
not be treated as car accident cases My clients are not people whorsquove broken a leg and therefore need X amount of dollars in order to pay for medical services or whatnot And unfortu-nately that doesnrsquot necessarily happen
In terms of the thera-peutic community I would love to see counseling and therapy ses-sions be paid for through the pub-lic purse so that people who re-quire the services of highly-skilled counselors and therapists and psy-chologists can access those services without having to pay for them A lot of clients just donrsquot have the economic means to pay for such services until after they get a set-tlement and that could take years It would be wonderful to see those kinds of services funded the same way as a trip to the emergency room or a trip to your family doc-tor for a cold is funded Irsquod love to
vivors The amount of damage that can be done as a result of child-hood abuse or in fact any kind of sexual assault is tremendous It affects almost every aspect of someonersquos life It becomes inter-generational because it affects the people around the survivor and compensation awards are still very much a pale reflection of what is needed in order to help these peo-ple I hope that at some point our judges and our legislature under-stand that need and can corre-spondingly give appropriate and reasonable damage awards so that people can start to rebuild their lives in a meaningful way
I would love there to be an opportunity within our civil system for more than just compensation At this stage the only thing that a civil judge can do is award monetary compensation There are a lot of creative things that you can do within a settlement that are not purely fi-nancial that can give a lot of sol-ace to someone who has been abused whether that be in the form of some non-financial healing whether it be in the form of a situation where somebody can con-front their abuser if thatrsquos what they wish to do in a safe setting or whether itrsquos the ability for that sur-vivor to do something outside of pure simple dollars and put for-ward some sort of healing plan that is as individual as they are That can happen through settle-
be able to see that I think that that would go a long way to helping people earlier rather than later
Ultimately I wish that this situation didnrsquot exist anymore and I would be put out of business frankly
MS Well I can certainly sympa-thize with the way you feel but it would seem that you have a career ahead of you dealing with this problem
SJ Unfortunately I think you are right I think that instances of child-hood sexual abuse are not neces-sarily going down I think that insti-tutions are getting a little bit better at putting in place policies and sometimes even following their own policies to stop pedophiles from entering those institutions and preying on people that those insti-tutions are theoretically set up to serve but I think that as long as the problem of childhood sexual abuse is with us I will be out there trying to help anybody that I can
MS Is there anything else yoursquod like to say to our readers
SJ I think that organizations such as MaleSurvivor are imperative in helping people understand that they are not alone that itrsquos not their fault and there are ways to get help So hats off to an organi-zation such as yours The clients I have who are involved in your or-ganization are very very well served so I have to thank you for being a resource
MS Thank you very much for your kind comments and for your time Simona
ldquoUltimately I wish that
this situation didnrsquot exist
anymore and I would be
put out of business
franklyrdquo
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-
Vol 2 No 2
Page 30
munity committees and inquiries including the Federal Inquiry pre-sided over by Justice Major into the Air India bombing
Moving forward We are delighted to report that John Muise our Director of Public Safety has recently received a Governor-in-council appointment as a full-time member of the Na-tional Parole Board effective in May of 2009 Although this is a big loss
for the CCAA we are thrilled for John and we know that he will bring the same com-mitment to public safety in that position as he did with the CCAA We wish him the very best in this new and challenging role
Much progress has been made in the past three years with
more anticipated The federal gov-ernment has signaled its intention to finish the work it started and attempt a further repeal of condi-tional sentences of ldquoimprisonmentrdquo They have also said that they in-tend on amending certain aspects of parole legislation and moving on tightening up security (including drug interdiction) in federal prisons
As we kick off 2009 the CCAA has the following priorities
Enhanced training for law enforcement off icers involved in chi ld abuse
investigations The introduction of provincial ldquosafe havenrdquo legislation that would pro-
vide a distressed mother who has given birth (within 72 hours) to take her baby to a place of safety (for example fire station police station hospital emergency) no questions asked and drop the baby off The purpose is to avoid the unthinkable mdash dumpster aban-donment murder at birth This legislation exists in all 50 of the United States but has yet to to be introduced in this country
Parole reform In addition the CCAA will work with partners on two parole and corrections recommendations They include legislating breach of parole as an offence for which a police officer has a power of arrest Com-plimentary to this the replacement of statutory release (automatic release after serving two thirds of a sentence) with regular earned parole Both recommendations were included in the final report of the Corrections Review Team and had been provided with others by the CCAA
We at the CCAA believe that much has been done on the criminal justice reform and public awareness front We are grateful for the pro-gress thus far and proud of the part we have played in moving the public safety agenda along
There is still much work to be done and the CCAA will step up to carry on this most important work
Selection of judges In recognition of the importance of the justice selection process the federal government has recently expanded the scope of people selected to sit on the regional Judicial Advisory Committees tasked with vetting potential ap-pointments and providing recom-mendations to the federal Attorney General and Minister of Justice for final selection Although still dominated by judges and lawyers a wider variety of voices and minds is now part of the selection proc-ess This is welcome news I am one of those voices I sit on one of the regional committees itrsquos an appointment we can all be proud of
Gun crime and other victim focused matters
Although outside the specific man-date of the CCAA (and not included in the Martinrsquos Hope report) in recognition of the impact on com-munities and particularly at risk children and youth the CCAA also appeared before the House of Commons Committee in support of mandatory minimum sentences for serious gun crimes and for amend-ments that tighten up the bail system for those charged with serious gun-related offences
In addition several crime victim supportive briefs were prepared for a number of safe school and com-
The CCAA (Continued from page 29)
ldquoWe at the CCAA hellip are
grateful for the progress
thus far and proud of
the part we have played
in moving the public
safety agenda alongrdquo
February 2009
Page 31
higher than its current statistical significance would suggest I would suggest itrsquos about one in four of the men I deal with 25 compared to the 16 suggested in the cur-rent literature If you allow for the fact that many of the men I work with have come from dysfunctional families that have been dysfunc-tional for generations the higher rate of incidence will hardly be surprising
I really had no idea when I started this job that I would have a head-
on collision with CSA No idea at all I was in my pre-survivor life My own past experi-ences were like a dormant volcano Sure some smoke would puff out every now and then for no readily apparent rea-son but no major eruption But as I heard more and more stories told by men in their own abyss of despair and self loath-ing things started to bubble within me
I remember the first man who disclosed to me He did not really intend to He started to tell part of a story and I just knew I just knew What he did say was part of an institutional abuse situa-tion that gained public awareness in the media After that story broke many men came forward as well to tell their story of how they too were abused as boys in a school
Inside
By Geeders (Jim)
W hen I was first asked to write about my experi-ences working in a jail I
wasnrsquot really sure what I could say about it Can I say this or should I say that Was it going to be really negative or show promise of better days ahead And what about me mdashthe new me mdash dealing with issues of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) at the same time as the men I see and work with How the hell was (or is) that going to work Well it is a work in progress after all and one that seems to evolve as I change and as I become more comfortable with my own sense of a new self
Let me begin by saying that there is nothing in this article that would meet the rigours of clinical dissection Equally important I do not work with sexual offenders What I am going to say is purely my experience based on personal observation No scientific analysis can be attributed to it apart from what we already know or suspect One in six men will have been sexually assaulted or abused by the time they are 18 It has long been opined that the number of abused men is actually
setting that was really a cover for juveniles in trouble with the law
The inmate I was working with did not come forward at that time He couldnrsquot His disclosure to me was the first time he had ever said anything about his abuse No one else knew mdash no one He was alone His pain was palpable and obvious His shame and guilt were profound Never had he admitted to himself what had happened in that school let alone admitted to a total stranger until that very moment I listened to his pain tried to console him just let him cry Eventually over the course of a couple of interviews it became obvious to me why he was in jail Any self-esteem that he had as a boy or young man was destroyed by his abuse His very essence was rewritten by the men who had abused him Teens get into trouble but they can also learn to later stay out of it by fol-lowing the teachings of those they trust But for this young man his ability to trust was destroyed by the very people who were sup-posed to care for him nurture him and dare I say it love him appro-priately What was even more tragic is that this man came from a cul-ture that has low tolerance for anything that even remotely resem-bles homosexuality
Being abused sent this man on a downward spiral that ultimately turned him into a drug addict by his own admission a junkie who hated himself for what ldquohe had
(Continued on page 32)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoOver the course of
several related careers I
have seen a lot of good
being done Irsquove also
seen a lot of ugliness
that even by todayrsquos
standards defies the
most common
sensibilities we have as
human beingsldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 32
donerdquo His shame and guilt and culture prevented him saying any-thing about what happened It cut him off from any legal action that might take place and removed any sort of financial compensation that he might gain as a result of his abuse It eventually cut him off from his own family because his drug abuse prevented him from working and supporting his wife and family It destroyed his ability to be a good dad and husband A few years later I saw him back in jail again
When I did encounter him again it was with an in-creased sense of awareness within me Every time a man disclosed to me that he had been sexually abused or assaulted I started to die inside A little piece of me just died every time a man said to me what I could not say to myself or anyone else That dormant volcano started to fume a bit more regularly
Over the course of several related careers I have seen a lot of good being done Irsquove also seen a lot of ugliness that even by todayrsquos standards defies the most common sensibilities we have as human beings It exists Itrsquos around every corner if we choose to look at it Along with the ugly we have the good We have people who are willing to take a stand and come forward to say to the world ldquoWe
Inside (Continued from page 31)
have a problem here itrsquos not going to go away and it needs to be fixedrdquo I had the good fortune to meet many of these people last year at a conference on male sex-ual victimization By then I had been able to learn from the men that I serve that perhaps I too could learn to tell someone Could I be a survivor too
Men in jail are there for a reason Whether itrsquos to protect society while they await trial or from
themselves or while sentenced they are here Whether I think they should be here is irrelevant They are usually at the end of their ropes Their lives are upside down and in turmoil They are frequently in withdrawal from illicit drug use They are in the bottom of a pit from which there does not appear to be an escape or refuge They are desperate and will act desperately
if needed They are angry and no longer have any control over their lives Someone has taken that control away from them They have no choice but to comply Failure to comply results in loss of privileges which can include being prohibited from contact with those they love the most Forced co-habitation with other men can evoke strong memories of prior abuse which they cannot deal with let alone understand It can be isolation
They are alone and cannot speak about their issues for fear of being discovered and further stigmatized and trau-matized by a peer group that cannot tolerate differences or diversity
I have been fortunate in that for some reason men trust me and feel safe and able to disclose And when they do you can see the relief on their faces They are scared for sure but it has always seemed to be a relief I have to ask them I have no choice because itrsquos part of my job But now as a survivor myself I can tell them they are not alone I cannot tell them about me but I can tell them they are not alone that they
are among the approximately one in six men who are assaulted or abused when they are boys or young men I can tell them about the few resources we have avail-able for men which are a 100 improvement compared to what they had when they first walked into my office I tell them about MaleSurvivor and have MS posters up in my office I can tell them that
ldquoTougher than lsquoNamrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 33
Maybe not I prefer to think that I have shown them that there is hope There is life in being a survi-vor they donrsquot have to be held hostage any longer by a secret that was put upon them by an abuser I prefer to think that I have been able to show them that they do not have to be ashamed for being male When I speak with them Irsquom a straight shooter I calls rsquoem as I sees lsquoem I use words they can understand mdash street language mdash which helps them understand their bodies and to understand that Mother Nature made them to be reactive and responsive I tell them that simply because their bodies reacted that their bodies re-sponded while being abused did not make the abuse their fault It takes a while to get there at times But the relief when the penny drops and they realize that they themselves were in no way respon-sible for the abuse is quite remark-able
Just this week Irsquove been working with a man who actually smiled when he came into my office He said ldquoI finally get it It wasnrsquot my faultrdquo He then went on to tell me that immediately prior to his at-tending in my office he had just disclosed to his sister while on the phone in his jail area surrounded by other inmates While it was perhaps not the safest venue for a disclosure he made his own deci-sion He said he was taking control As a 35 year old this man has not been in control since he was first abused at age seven Subsequent abuse only reinforced for him that he was an object a thing not worth anything Relationship after relationship failed him as he con-tinued to relive issues of abandon-
there are over 6000 people regis-tered at MS and that when they get out they will find tremendous support at the MS website I can tell them about Weekends of Re-covery without disclosing that attending a WOR was one of the best things I have done with my life They will know that they are no longer alone And not once has anyone asked me directly about me If they did I could not reply which in a round about way is a reply But I cannot reply Why The institution that I work in can be as intolerant of differences and diver-sity as the inmates are of each other The whole notion of male abuse and assault simply does not exist It is not spoken of It will not be spoken of mdash until now
Because abuse is now spoken of I have been able to create a support network for inmates and for myself Itrsquos a small step but a step never-theless Itrsquos spoken of now at a level never before reached in terms of official support and direction Support has yet to be defined but I have a mandate now to do a better job for male survivors Itrsquos on paper Itrsquos my goal
Safety of all concerned has to remain first and foremost mdash safety for the inmate safety for me With inmates disclosing to me often for the first time I am struck by what happens next A huge can of worms is opened And for what There is little safety here little opportunity to follow up The court system tosses these men around like dice One day they are here the next they are God knows where Have I done something that perhaps I shouldnrsquot have Maybe
ment physical and sexual abuse sexual orientation confusion anger management substance abuse domestic violence self respect low self esteem boundaries mdash these and much more impact upon this man daily But hersquos making a start Itrsquos another chance We all need them
I would be remiss to not mention the support of my colleagues Some of them do know about me and they have been tremendously supportive and understanding They too share a belief that it is possible for men to become survivors I cannot imagine doing this work everyday without their ongoing support I love you guys
The resources I refer to are few the Menrsquos Project in Ottawa The Gate-house in Toronto as well as local sexual assault centres I discovered on my own road to recovery that our local sexual assault centre does in fact offer services to men but does not advertise this due to the fear of being inundated with refer-rals They simply are not equipped to handle what surely lies out in my community When the report of the Cornwall Inquiry comes out later this year it is my belief that it will force our government our society to re-examine how its treatment of boys and men is provided Hope-fully those who are like I was feeling alone fearful uncomfortable in their own skin will feel more enabled to come forward to shed that skin that was put on them by their abuser(s) and step out of the ordinary letting their souls ascend and become free
Vol 2 No 2
Page 34
A History of Male Survi-vor Services in Queacutebec
and First Nations Communities
By Caroline Benamza (dance and drama therapistpsychotherapist at CRIPHASE)
And by Benoicirct St Jean (Director of CRIPHASE)
Contact Tel +1-514-529-55-67 Email infocriphaseorg
Website wwwcriphaseorg
T he latest statistics in Queacutebec show that one out of every six men has been sexually
abused before the age of 18 but there are very few statistics regard-ing male survivors and this estima-tion is only based on reported abuse Most adult men or boys who are survivors go unnoticed because most of the services in Queacutebec are exclusively for women In 2008 the male population in Queacutebec was about 3800000 of which about 3000000 are above 20 years of age (from the Institut de la Statistique) Therefore we can estimate that in Queacutebec there are around 500000 male survivors actually visible within the different health care services justice system and police departments The num-ber is already frightening for a seemingly peaceful society like Queacutebec When it comes to Native American communities as many as 80 of boys have been sexually abused before the age of 18 This number is quite similar mdash but for different reasons mdash to the male population within the Federal or Provincial prisons
The reality of male survivors of sexual abuse in childhood has remained in the dark for years in Queacutebec and it is only in the last four years that the government has acknowledged the necessity of funding counseling services for male survivors Historically it can be explained The first services for survivors have been developed since the 1960s within the very strong Queacutebeacutecois feminist move-ments The women have built along the years a strong network of ser-vices for female vic-tims of sexual abuse and domestic vio-lence Today these services still exist as the CALACS (Centres dAide et de Lutte contre les Agressions agrave Caractegravere Sexuel = Sexual Assault Cen-tres) network for survivors of sexual abuse Due to a strong belief in pro-viding a safe haven for women survivors men were turned away from these services and had nowhere to go Only two survivorsrsquo centres in the Montreal area outside the CALACS network welcomed men but those men represent only 5 of clients
This situation became obvious when the CAVAC (Centre drsquoAide pour les Victime drsquoActes Criminels = Crime Victims Assistance Centres) started to provide counseling ser-
vices to victims of criminal acts who wished to press charges and go through a court procedure The first services in Queacutebec for male survivors therefore came from a strong need in the society In 1996 the CAVAC decided to fund an experimental program directed by Denis Reneacute to offer a support group for male survivors This program was named the PHASE Groups (Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = For Men Sexually Abused in Child-
hood) With the suc-cess of these first groups between 1996 and 1997 the CAVAC of Montreal tried to secure funding for the continuation of services Unfortu-nately the PHASE Groups suffered from the double status it carried within the government the Minister of Justice that was the main funder of the CAVAC refused to fund a counseling service supposedly to be funded by the Health Minister Later the Health Minister turned down the
funding because as part of CAVAC the program should have been funded by the Minister of Justice
So it was in 1997 that Denis Reneacute decided to secure the future of the PHASE Groups by registering them
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoWhen it comes to
Native American
communities as many
as 80 of boys have
been sexually abused
before the age of 18
This number is quite
similarmdashbut for different
reasonsmdashto the male
population within the
Federal or Provincial
prisonsrdquo
February 2009
Page 35
intimacy and sexuality issues) and PHASE Artistique (a 10 weeks art and movement therapy program) with a holistic approach to body and mind recovery
In 2008 the very first weekend of recovery (named PHASE Weekend) was created and CRIPHASE wishes to make the weekend an annual event In 2003 for the first time
CRIPHASE became a full member of the Table de Concertation en Agressions Sexuelles (a gathering of several organizations providing services to survivors in addition to representatives from the Justice the Health Minister and the police) This cooperation allows a better understanding of survivor issues and needs as well as a better coor-
within a non-profit organization that took the name CRIPHASE (Centre de Resources et drsquointervention Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = Resource and Intervention Centre for Men who have been Sexually Abused in Childhood) For 10 years the Groups have survived on pri-vate funding and have provided two recovery Groups called PHASE 1 and PHASE 2 Each PHASE is a 10-week program serving non-offending male survivors over 18 years of age and of all sexual orienta-tions With its first public funding in 2004 of $38000 a director was en-gaged by the board of administration and in 2008 the PSOC (a funding body within the agency of Health and Social Services) fi-nally secured the future of CRIPHASE with a first major funding rooting CRIPHASE in the circle of sexual abuse survivors centres
Since 2006 CRIPHASE has devel-oped a major politics of visibility through the media conferences and meetings with the different actors of the Queacutebeacutecois stage Three more programs have been developed within CRIPHASE PHASE Conjoint (for partners of male survivors) PHASE Sexo (a 10 weeks program of recovery focusing on
dination of services on the ground From within the Table CRIPHASE has been able to educate people on the issue of male survivors and participate or initiate projects such as the Information Guide for Sexual Assault Victims and the first pre-vention mobilization and aware-ness march for sexual abuse survi-vors in 2008 The presence of CRIPHASE at the Table has also
allowed the feminists within the CALACS to have a better under-standing of the suffer-ing of male survivors who are also victims in their own way of an old patriarchal system CRIPHASE was also finally incorporated in the CALACS coordina-tion groupmdashcalled Table des CALACS mdash in 2008
Until 2008 there were no services provided in English (Queacutebec is a French-speaking province where Eng-lish speakers are a minority) due to lack of funding to translate the PHASE 1 docu-ments and employ English-speaking therapists The project
to offer groups in English had been put aside for years but finally in 2008 the first groups of PHASE 1 and 2 opened for English speakers The PHASE Artistique and PHASE Weekend are now bilingual pro-grams
(Continued on page 36)
Phone calls received at CRIPHASE
male survivors
therapists
relatives and loved ones
other
The average male survivor using the services at CRIPHASE is aged between 35 and 55
Vol 2 No 2
Page 36
Male survivors in the Native American
communities Recovery programs within Native American communities are only starting Many Native American men were sexually abused as well as psychologically and emotionally abused when they were sent to boarding schools across the province for assimila-tion The effects of this traumatic experience (including historic trauma) can be seen in all First Nations of Queacutebec Algonquians Cris Innus Abenakis Innuits Micmacs and so forth Today there is a strong need of heal-ing for this lost gen-eration but traumatic experiences and con-sequences have been passed on to the next generations Unfortu-nately sexual abuse is one of these problems which need to be addressed through prevention and coun-seling in a way that will integrate Native American traditions and their holistic ap-proach to medicine Such programs already exist within some communi-ties Organizations like GRIPMA (Groupe de Recherches et dInter-ventions Psychosociales en Milieu Autochtone = Research and Inter-vention group in Aboriginal Com-munities) located in the Huron
History of Male Survivor Services (Continued from page 35)
community of Wendake (near Queacute-bec city) provide a clinical expertise in intervention within Native Ameri-can communities On the other side the Aboriginal Healing Foun-dation based in Ottawa is currently funding 16 recovery projects for the First Nations in Queacutebec ad-dressing sexual abuse addiction prevention of suicide boarding schools trauma etc until 2010
Last year the publication of the five-year funding plan on sexual abuse by the provincial govern-ment of Queacutebec has seen the recognition of male survivors as a population in great need of ser-vices It has also recognized the necessity of providing services to the First Nations communities
Things are changing in Queacutebec for male survivors Because CRIPHASE is the only organization providing support and counseling to men in Queacutebec who have been sexually abused in childhood there is great hope for an increase of funding this year The constant develop-ment of CRIPHASE and the increase in phone calls and numbers of guys within the services (in 2008-
2009 there will be seven groups of PHASE 1 in-stead of five the year before) also show that men in Queacutebec are get-ting the right information on sexual abuse and services and are being encouraged to look for help and engage in re-covery
If you are one of these men in Queacutebec we are waiting for your call Remember you are not alone
For the annual march event please visit wwwmarchevasca (Information for the May 2009 march will be on line from February 2009)
Quilt Square by a Native Child from Alberta From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 37
MaleSurvivor is men surviving sexual abuse in Canada we will start with Canadarsquos sad legacy of abuse of children by clergy
A Brief Incomplete Canadian History
In Canada our First Nations People have had to bear the legacy of abuse they endured in Canadarsquos notorious residential schools Cur-rent issues of addictions and family and mental health problems amongst our First Nations people can be traced back to the legacy of abuse experienced by Native chil-dren in residential schools
Around 1874 the federal government began working with the churches (Catholic Anglican United and Presbyte-rian) to set up the Residential School System as a means to suppress Native cul-ture and promote assimilation In gen-eral children between the ages of five and 16 were taken from their parents and sent to church-run residen-tial schools The extent of the abuse in these church-run schools has been referred to as the ldquoCanadian Holocaustrdquo Recently the Canadian Government formed the Truth and Reconciliation Commis-sion (TRC) as part of the court-approved Indian Residential Schools Settlement Agreement The
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious
Leader By Nancy N Mayer MSW RSW
Partner Crisci amp Mayer Consultation Counselling and
Training Toronto wwwckmconsultationcom
Introduction
L ikely all the readers of this newsletter have knowledge and expertise about men
being physically sexually and emotionally abused Research tells us that abusers can come from any
walk of life and most often are known to the child or adult In the last decade abuse by clergy has finally ldquocome out of the closetrdquo so to
speak thanks to those brave survi-vors who have made public their experiences of being abused by clergy More than ever survivor groups are encouraging victims to report these crimes to the police and to consider seeking civil re-dress for their injuries Many groups believe that change in churches will only come when they are held accountable for the abuse perpetrated by clergy
This article will attempt to address the distinctive issues that are com-mon to this population of survivors Because the focus of this issue of
purpose of the commission is not to determine guilt or innocence but to create an historical account of the residential schools help people to heal and encourage reconciliation between Aboriginal and non-aboriginal Canadians
The notorious Mount Cashel Or-phanage is another Canadian leg-acy of sexual abuse by clergy This facility was operated in Newfound-land by the Christian Brothers More than a dozen priests were convicted after decades of abusing young boys at the orphanage
Mount Cashel Or-phanage closed in 1989 just six months after allegations of sexual physical and emotional abuse were published by the media (For more in depth information see Harris Michael Unholy Orders Trag-edy at Mount Cashel Ontario Viking Press 1990)
Like the US there have been hundreds and perhaps thou-sands of cases of children and vulner-
able adults abused by clergy in every religious denomination Unlike the US our country is not bound as strictly by statutes of limitations so lawsuits can proceed more freely Our sentences for convicted clerical sex offenders are
(Continued on page 38)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Nancy N Mayer
ldquo[First Nations] children
between the ages of five
and 16 were taken from
their parents and sent to
church-run residential
schools The extent of
the abuse in these
church-run schools has
been referred to as the
lsquoCanadian Holocaustrsquoldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 38
nowhere near as severe as those of our American neighbours Most first offenders will not serve a day in jail The civil awards for personal inju-ries are also quite low Our court system promotes set-tling these cases out of court When a case fails to go to trial it is not part of the public re-cord The widespread use of confidentiality orders media fatigue and Canadian reserve means that it is impos-sible to obtain accurate statistics on how often men are abused by clergy or even the ex-tent of the problem in this country
The Authority of Rel igious Leaders Religious organizations have always played a central role in our so-cieties They provide moral ethical and spiritual guidance Reli-gious teachings have given us a context and meaning for our lives Most religious belief revolves around a divine power or God Religious leaders (ministers priests rabbis elders nuns) are thought to be Godrsquos earthly repre-sentatives and are treated with reverence and respect They have intimate involvement with families and children at such vulnerable times as an illness death or other family crises They may have access
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 37)
to confidential information by virtue of their roles of confessor or counsellor A child brought up by religious parents is taught to re-spect these men and women Oth-ers associated with churches mdash choir leaders teachers cantors youth group leaders mdash are also considered trustworthy by virtue of their close
association with their religious organizations Most parents en-courage their childrenrsquos participa-tion in church-based activities believing them to be safe and wholesome
These leaders are considered to be esteemed authorities and as repre-sentatives of God wield a great deal of power Depending on the faith group there may be teachings
that support an unquestioning adherence to their instructions and guidance This makes children and vulnerable adults particularly sus-ceptible to exploitation by this group because they have access opportunity and trust
Misuse of Power Perpetrators can utilize their positions of power and trust to gain access to their victims some-times for extended periods of uninterrupted time They may tell children that they are being asked to ldquoserve Godrdquo or that they or their families will be punished if they do not do as instructed Chil-dren may be threatened with eternal damnation or blamed for leading the religious leader into sin If the religion con-siders premarital sex or same sex contacts as sinful the guilt will be compounded
In most cases the victim will not disclose or may disclose but not be
believed A child will have a difficult time convincing adults that he or she has been victimized The vic-timrsquos family culture or communi-ties have been socialized to see their religious leaders as unques-tionably good and incapable of lies This can lead to others denying or minimizing the victimrsquos experience of abuse The victim is initially harmed by the abuser and then is revictimized by those who cannot
ldquoMay Hope be Passed through Every Handrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 39
institutionrsquos response and lack of compassion and pastoral care
The Impact on Spir ituality
The frequently used term ldquosoul murderrdquo aptly describes what hap-pens when the abuser is a religious leader When the response of the religious institu-tion to a disclosure of abuse is experienced as self-serving and uncaring the survivor will likely lose his faith in the religious community of which he has been a part To belong and to feel connected is a basic human need When abused by clergy the loss of connection and belonging to what may have been a spiritual anchor can be devastating
To compound the harm the abuse may have occurred in a religious building The abuser may have worn traditional cleri-cal attire or may have made religious or biblical refer-ences As a result being exposed to religious symbols music or any other reminder can trigger flashbacks and other uncomfortable physical symptoms
The cleric is often considered Godrsquos representative on earth This gives the cleric power that surpasses his position and status When abuse is at the hands of a minister nun
accept that their spiritual leaders are capable of abuse There are many stories of clergy abuse survi-vors being abandoned by their religious communities (who side with the cleric) and their families who cannot face leaving the church that has given their lives meaning and comfort The resultant feelings of betrayal and abandonment are profound
The Role of the Religious Inst itutions
When religious institutions hold themselves up as ethical compasses and arbitrators of right and wrong society has an expectation that church leaders will act in a fair and moral way Many US Commissions and Grand Juries and Canadian reports such as the Winter Com-mission Report (Archdiocese of St Johns Newfoundland Canada 1990) Child Abuse in Community Institutions and Organizations and Improving Public and Professional Understanding (prepared for the Law Commission of Canada) all record and explain the dynamics that have lead to the failure of religious institutions to protect our children
While it is well known that any institution mdash educational recrea-tional or spiritual mdash is not immune from having sex offenders in its midst the religious institutions have a particular legacy of protect-ing the institution through aggres-sive legal tactics versus truth telling and reconciliation Many victims state that they have been less wounded by the actual abuse and profoundly more damaged by the
priest rabbi minister or elder the recipient of the abuse may experi-ence profound guilt for ldquoparticipatingrdquo in ldquosinfulrdquo behaviour mdash a mistaken belief that he is respon-sible for the abuse or shame that
he has ldquosinnedrdquo He may believe he is deserving of rejection or eternal damnation If he confesses he risks exposing the cleric who has likely done what he could to trick the victim into believing that he must maintain silence and secrecy One survivor describes feeling that rdquoIt was like being abused by God him-self If even God couldnrsquot love me how could anyone else ever love merdquo
These factors alone can leave a man who has been abused by clergy unable to find comfort and solace in what used to be his spiritual beliefs and his church Without these familiar beliefs the survivor is aban-
doned and alone when he most needs support
The Role of Gender While woman are ordained in some denominations there is still an imbalance of power between men and women in many religious tradi-tions For boys and men abused by male clerics embarrassment and
(Continued on page 40)
ldquoThe frequently used
term lsquosoul murderrsquo aptly
describes what happens
when the abuser is a
religious leader When
the response of the
religious institution to a
disclosure of abuse is
experienced as self-
serving and uncaring
the survivor will likely
lose his faith in the
religious community of
which he has been
a partrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 40
concerns of how they will be per-ceived promote silence For the boy or man abused by a female cleric there may be worries that he will be labelled the seducer or pres-sured to consider this ldquorelationshiprdquo as non-abusive
The study conducted by the John Jay Col-lege of Criminal Jus-tice regarding The Nature and Scope of the Problem of Sexual Abuse of Minors by Priests and Deacons in the Catholic Church (Washington DC USCCB 2004) found some very disturbing information about the age and gender of victims The largest group of reported victims (509) was between the ages of 11 and 14 273 of victims were 15 to 17 16 were eight to 10 and nearly 6 were under age seven Overall 81 of vic-tims were male and 19 female Male victims tended to be older than female victims Over 40 of all victims were males between the ages of 11 and 14
The largest group of reported victims in this study consisted of boys who were entering puberty This is a tumultuous time in most
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 39)
young menrsquos lives To have this period of development disrupted can contribute to many mental health problems including lack of confidence disruption of emo-tional sexual and psycho-social development isolation sexual identity confusion depression anxiety and abuse of substances
In Summary The harm experienced by those
who are abused by clergy is profound and multifaceted Some therapists will not want to work with survivors of clergy abuse due to the complexity of their issues their limited knowledge of the subject area possible religious biases and potential for litigation Most (but certainly not all) survivors will have experienced revictimization by their churches or religious institutions This compounded by abuse by a religious leader in a position of power will under-standably lead to unique challenges Survivors will have
significant trust issues that can impede the forming of a trusting therapeutic relationship with a therapist who will also be in a position of power and may be an employee of an institution With transparency and skill on the part of the therapist and tenacity on the part of the survivor effective thera-
peutic partnership can be achieved While recovery is difficult it is possible
The irony is that many survivors of abuse by clergy have a strong sense of integrity morality and perseverance They learned the lessons that the ldquoreligiousrdquo offend-ers failed to learn At the core of their beings these clergy abuse survivors are the prophets who have come to speak the truth and reveal the abuse and the decep-tions It is this desire for social justice truth telling belonging and connection that will allow a healthy spiritual belief system to rise out of the ashes of what has happened It is this healthy spiritual belief that makes many clergy abuse survivors persistent and tenacious in seeking recovery and social justice They are making a difference and chang-ing the world as we know it
ldquoThe harm experienced
by those who are
abused by clergy is
profound and
multifaceted Some
therapists will not want
to work with survivors
of clergy abuse due to
the complexity of their
issues their limited
knowledge of the
subject area possible
religious biases and
potential for litigationldquo
February 2009
Page 41
tion of it earlier in the lsquo90s but 1997 is when there was a critical mass of mostly male survivors coming forward and taking action against Maple Leaf Gardens Your question specifically was ldquoDid it play a role in my choice of ca-reersrdquo
MS Yes
SJ Yes and no The Maple Leaf
Gardens cases were not my first sexual assault cases but my in-volvement in these cases solidified my interest and desire to help sur-vivors
MS Could you take a few minutes to explain to our readers just what the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal was and why it has played a central role in revealing the extent of sex-ual abuse at least in the Toronto area
of my clients will say something like ldquoYou know this is not about the money I donrsquot care how much I get this is about something elserdquo And whatever that person seeks mdash an apology or the empowerment of filing a lawsuit or a million other unique things mdash that is why I do this kind of work Itrsquos about helping people through whatever process they need in order to begin that healing process the moving forward process
MS And also to provide your clients with a sense of justice
SJ Absolutely Justice is really not about the money itrsquos about the knowledge that theyrsquove come forward theyrsquove done something and theyrsquove empowered themselves It takes a tre-mendous amount of courage to do that I am always in awe of my cli-ents for the amount of courage they have They are my inspiration
MS Many Americans are unaware of the so-called Maple Leaf Gar-dens sex scandal that began some-time in the 1960s but didnrsquot come to wide public attention until 1997 the year after you began practicing law Did this scandal have some affect on your choice of career
SJ Actually the scandal did come to prominence before 1997 There was scattered media atten-
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 1)
SJ Sure There was a series of men who were employed at Maple Leaf Gardens which was the home of the Toronto Maple Leafs mdash the hockey club mdash who over a period of a couple of decades sexually abused probably hundreds of chil-dren It started in the lsquo60s it went on we believe until the early lsquo80s There were two principal men in-volved but there were at least three
others who also were ac-cused In order to under-stand why the Maple Leaf Gardens sex scandals are as important as they are you have to understand that hockey in Toronto and hockey in Canada is almost a religion Hockey is to Canadians what the NFL or Major League Baseball is to Americans Every little boy dreams of about becoming the next Wayne Gretzky becoming the best hockey player he can be Maple Leaf Gar-dens was the home of one of the best loved and biggest hockey teams mdash the Toronto Maple Leafs The Gardens was the high
temple of hockey in Canada and still is In the lsquo60s lsquo70s and even the lsquo80s children mdash mostly boys mdash would go to Maple Leaf Gardens usually unaccompanied by their parents because back then nobody really thought that anything bad would happen to them at the Gar-dens The boys would go there ei-ther for practice games or to watch the Maple Leafs play or more likely they would go to watch To-
(Continued on page 42)
ldquoMaple Leaf Gardens in Memory of Martin Kruzerdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 42
ronto Marlies games The Marlies were the farm team for the Toronto Maple Leafs During these games and these practices the pedophiles who worked at the Gardenrsquos would often befriend these boys seeking out boys who were more vulner-able than others most likely and would sexually assault the boys sometimes off-property but most often within the Gardens itself They would use their position as employees of the Gardens to be able to say to the boys if you come with me Irsquoll get you a broken hockey stick or hockey puck or Irsquoll get you into better seats the next game or whatever other type of inducement would be necessary to get the boys to go with them into either a washroom or a training room or other private place where the boys would be sexually abused
In 1997 there were about 50 or 60 cases all joined to-gether and Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Entertainment Ltd wanted to settle all the cases prior to the Toronto Maple Leafs moving into a new hockey rink called the Air Canada Center so as to have a clean slate at the new rink By and large a lot of the litigation was fin-ished before the team moved into the Air Canada Center but not all of it In fact there are probably 17 or 19 cases going through the court
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 41)
system today more than 10 years after the original large group of plaintiffs went through the court and I believe that new people will continue to come forward when they are strong enough
MS I understand that one of the principal plaintiffs in the case Mar-tin Kruze had settled with the owners or the operators of the Ma-ple Leaf Gardens in 1995 and that he signed a confidentiality agree-ment not to reveal the settlement
or perhaps even the details of what had happened to him Do you think that the confidentiality agree-ment Mr Kruze agreed to slowed down or hindered the full exposure of this scandal
SJ I think that any confidentiality agreement blocks public access to knowledge and to understanding so I do suspect that Martinrsquos confi-dentiality agreement did have some impact on the scandal re-
maining hidden for as long as it did Absolutely yes I believe that confidentiality agreements are in-herently difficult for plaintiffs be-cause they create and continue a cycle of secrecy Sexual assault is a crime that is almost always carried out in secret and the guilt and shame it produces is key in helping pedophiles maintain their hold over their victims Putting a confidential-ity agreement on a settlement just perpetuates the guilt and the shame
MS Unfortunately Martin Kruzersquos principal perpetrator received a shockingly light sen-tence for all his actions and I understand that this led to Martin com-mitting suicide shortly afterwards
SJ I would think that the perpetratorrsquos sentence was a part of why Martin chose to end his life yes It hap-pened relatively shortly after the sentencing and I suspect that it weighed heavily on Martinrsquos decision
MS Do you think that the sen-tence that the perpetrator received was a reflection of the then current attitude towards pedophiles and sexual abuse
SJ The sentence that the perpe-trator received was a reflection on the way that the Canadian justice system deals with criminals regard-ing personal crimes absolutely It was a very low sentence in keep-
Imants Kruze visiting his sonrsquos memorial quilt square in the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 43
obtain here versus how much they can obtain in the United States In the United States there is no cap for pain and suffering awards whereas here in Canada there is a very small cap mdash about $325000 If a survivor of sexual assault goes through the court system and even if they have a very good day in court in terms of compensation yoursquore probably looking at an award for dam-ages somewhere be-tween $200000 and $500000 Sometimes itrsquos actually less than $200000 and very very rarely more than $500000 so in that sense we are defi-nitely behind But I donrsquot think itrsquos a question of waiting 10 years to see if we ldquocatch uprdquo I think itrsquos just a fundamental difference in how our court system works and whatrsquos available to survivors in terms of compensation
If you mean that Canada is 10 years behind in dealing with other aspects of sexual assault then you are probably correct in terms of media attention public awareness and outrage Sexual assault is still largely an unreported unprose-cuted crime But things are getting better every day and as more and more survivors come forward posi-tive changes will continue to hap-pen
MS As Irsquom sure you know therersquos periodic discussion about tort re-
ing with what was handed out at the time and to a large extent itrsquos still in keeping with what is handed out right now
MS Are you still representing or have you represented anyone who is a plaintiff in this scandal
SJ I was very much involved in the core group of Maple Leaf Gar-dens survivors that came forward in 1997 I was on what was called the plaintiffsrsquo committee back then which was a group of a few lawyers who brought the litigation forward I represented a number of plaintiffs in the original group that came forward I have also represented quite a few men throughout the last 10 years and currently repre-sent two men in the last group of plaintiffs to come forward I have also been approached by at least two other men who may decide to pursue litigation
MS Dale English mdash who has spo-ken to you at some length mdash has said to me that either you or he or both of you have felt that Canada is perhaps 10 or more years behind the US in dealing with the issues of sexual abuse and sexual assault Could you elaborate on that com-ment
SJ I think it depends on what you mean by dealing with the is-sues If you mean dealing with the issues in terms of bringing civil cases forward to a certain extent we are behind One of the funda-mental differences between the United States and Canada is the way that our tort systems operate and specifically the amount of compensation that tort victims can
form in the United States mainly aimed at capping punitive dam-ages Irsquom wondering whether there is the mirror of that in Canada mdash whether therersquos any movement to-wards tort reform that would allow greater awards to victims
SJ Well there is and there isnrsquot In Canada itrsquos very difficult if not
impossible to get pu-nitive damages espe-cially if therersquos a criminal conviction The punitive damages that are available in Canada are very low A typical punitive damage award would be $20000 or $25000 - usually not much more than that So damages are quite restricted here in any event In terms of tort reform I think there is a global push by in-surance companies to
try to limit compensation whether in the States or here The things that the American Association of Justice are fighting for down in the States are the same things that the Ontario Trial Lawyers Association are fighting for here mdash the continued ability to sue for compensation un-hampered by legislative roadblocks benefitting powerful institutional defendants to the detriment of those who have suffered Ours is a much smaller playing field and therefore less money is at stake In terms of plaintiffsrsquo lawyers wersquore trying to maximize the compensa-tion that we can get for our client Every time we go to court we try
(Continued on page 44)
ldquoIf you mean that
Canada is 10 years
behind in dealing with
other aspects of sexual
assault then you are
probably correct in
terms of media
attention public
awareness and outrageldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 44
to get a higher damage award so that that case will be a building block for future cases There are always attempts to try to circum-vent the cap on pain and suffering damages that we have Itrsquos not an easy thing to do the cap has been in place in Canada for 32 years now It was put in place in 1977 by the Supreme Court of Canada and itrsquos unlikely to be overturned any-time soon Even though from a purely theoretical legal analysis that cap does not apply to pain and suffering damages for victims of sexual assault and sexual abuse the reality is that judges still use that cap as a high water mark even though it doesnrsquot formally apply mdash it is still a de facto cap and to be honest with you it is almost impos-sible to get anywhere near that cap for compensation for pain and suf-fering A typical pain and suffering award in Canada for childhood sex-ual abuse is somewhere between $100000 and $200000 Anything on top of that would be associated economic loss or care costs
MS Itrsquos quite unfortunate that even though therersquos no real cap the law behaves as if there were one
SJ Yep I couldnrsquot agree with you more Itrsquos very unfortunate
MS I understand that in 2005 the government of Ontario convened whatrsquos known as the Cornwall Pub-lic Inquiry Was the Inquiry con-vened to address the issues of sex-ual abuse and sexual assault and
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 43)
the way the justice system is han-dling it
SJ Thatrsquos probably one of the reasons the Inquiry was convened Thatrsquos one of the hopes The In-quiry was convened because of what was going on in a little city east of Toronto mdash a series of allega-tions against very prominent mem-bers of that community involving the sexual abuse of children over a period of many many years The idea behind the Inquiry is to try to figure out what happened and to put in place some recommenda-tions that will not only stop some-thing like the abuse in Cornwall from happening again but will also try to help those who were affected by the events in the first place And to some extent I think some good will come of the Inquiry Hopefully the recommendations will be good for survivors of childhood sexual abuse or any kind of sexual assault The Submission phase of the In-quiry officially ended late February 2009
MS Did you have the opportunity to testify before the Inquiry
SJ I did not personally testify before the Inquiry Testimony was generally limited to the people ac-tually involved mdash police officers vic-tims what not I was involved in the Inquiry with regards to a panel discussionroundtable that they had regarding the use of confiden-tiality agreements
MS As you probably know Male-Survivor was first founded in the early 1980s by a group of thera-pists who were concerned about support for victims of childhood
sexual abuse and although Male-Survivor is still not a very large or-ganization it has increased its in-fluence significantly over the years and Irsquom wondering whether there is a similar non-profit or other group in Canada that also is dedi-cated to helping victims of child-hood sexual abuse
SJ There are some grass roots organizations that deal with victims of childhood sexual abuse or adult sexual assault I donrsquot believe there is as cohesive a unit as MaleSurvi-vor I may be wrong on that but there are smaller more community based organizations that assist sur-vivors That being said resources available to survivors are unfortu-nately pretty limited
MS Is that because there are too few therapists in that form of prac-tice
SJ I think itrsquos a mixture of many different things First of all Canada has a much smaller population base mdash 30 million people as com-pared to 300 million in the United States mdash so you have significantly fewer people affected and there-fore you have significantly fewer resources available to those people The services that we do have will often have very long waiting lists before people can access them There are some very very good counselors in Canada assisting sur-vivors but unfortunately the waiting lists are sometimes long and the availability for public funding to provide services free of charge is somewhat limited
MS Is there anything in your opinion about the Canadian health
February 2009
Page 45
system that contributes to the scar-city of services
SJ I donrsquot know if itrsquos the Cana-dian health system I think that in Canada we have a pretty good public health system in the sense that anybody who needs medical services can access those services free of charge The problem is that a lot of these services are not covered under our health system per se Many are covered under either private plans or pay as you go type services and itrsquos just a question of finding the people who can provide these services and being lucky enough to get them when they either donrsquot have a waiting list or other-wise having to wait until your name comes up on that waiting list
MS And that could takes years in some cases it seems
SJ My understanding is that those waiting lists can be quite long but there are very good peo-ple out there Itrsquos just a question of finding them and being able to afford them
MS Can you elaborate on other differences between the US and Canada that affect the way survi-vors and perpetrators are treated by the legal system and the media
SJ The differences between Can-ada and the US are really huge On the surface Americans and Canadi-ans look pretty much the same dress the same talk the same eat the same foods and by and large watch the same TV but culturally there is a huge difference in the way we look at the world in the
way our legal system works and the way that people interact with one another
Americans are much more litigious by na-ture I think this is due to the fact that in the United States mdash at least as seen from the outside mdash the rights of the individual are paramount In Can-ada less so Canada is much more commu-nity-oriented We of-tentimes think about how something is going to affect others instead of looking at what an individual might be entitled to I think that the high
damage awards available through the American legal system are beneficial in sexual abuse cases as is the lack of a cap on awards which we have
In some ways though our legal system is much better for my cli-ents than the US system would be because of the way that our actual process works One of the things that I know is very damaging to a lot of plaintiffs in the United States is the whole discovery process tak-
ing depositions Depositions can go on for a huge number of days and pretty much everybody in the per-sonrsquos life can be called to give a deposition That is very troubling and painful for people who donrsquot necessarily want others to know about their abuse or donrsquot want to involve their family Here in Canada depositions mdash or what we call the examination for discovery mdash are lim-ited to the actual named parties in the lawsuit The defendant and the plaintiff are examined for discovery or deposed if you will Anyone who is not an actual party to the litiga-tion can only be discovered under court orders and itrsquos very difficult to get those court orders so in that sense itrsquos a much quicker cleaner process and less intrusive on some-onersquos life So that is probably a good thing
The other really huge difference between the two systems which I think does in fact impact on why a lot of these cases settle as opposed to going to court and oftentimes settle for very different amounts of money than they would if they went to court is that in Canada we have a ldquoloser paysrdquo system If you go to court and you lose you have to pay at least a portion of the fees incurred by the other side Letrsquos say the defendantrsquos settlement offer is $100000 If the plaintiff does not accept that $100000 and at trial the plaintiff gets $99000 then the plaintiff has to pay the lawyerrsquos fees of the defendant because the award is less than the settlement offer That is very difficult That means that a lot of cases are set-tled for probably less money than
(Continued on page 46)
ldquoOn the surface
Americans and
Canadians look pretty
much the same hellip but
culturally there is a
huge difference in the
way we look at the
world in the way our
legal system works and
the way that people
interact with one
anotherldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 46
MS I join you in that hope Any-thing that can advance the cause of not only helping people but also helping prevent further abuses is always going to be welcome If you could set forth a vision of how you would like to see the law and the therapeutic community in Canada evolve to handle matters of child-
hood sexual abuse and sexual assault mdash if you could influence the reform of institu-tions what would your vision be
SJ Oh Richard Wow Well first and foremost I would love to raise public aware-ness of this issue for various reasons I think that increased public awareness will not necessarily reduce the instances of abuse but will help improve how abuse is dealt with when itrsquos ongoing and after-wards Itrsquos very im-portant that when a child is hurt that
child knows that he can go to peo-ple for help and support All too often if kids get up enough cour-age to tell someone the reaction they get is not very positive I think that with increased public aware-ness hopefully people will under-stand that there are ways to deal with this that will decrease the amount of harm so public aware-ness is paramount
I would like the legal system to raise compensation awards for sur-
turning point in bringing to the publicrsquos attention that the sexual assault of children can happen does happen and itrsquos a very diffi-cult thing for anyone to go through whether theyrsquore little boys or grown men that were abused as children It brought childhood sex-ual abuse out of the shadows to a certain extent The scandal still garners media attention as new survivors come forward but not the same as it did 10 years ago
MS Would you say that the lack of inves-tigative reporting is a cultural phenomenon or is it that the news-papers donrsquot feel they have that role
SJ Oh no Canadian newspapers do feel that they have a role in investigating things but for whatever rea-son sexual abuse of children has not been a priority The Cana-dian media really has not been at the forefront of this issue the way the media in the United States has been and I think that is tremen-dously disappointing The lack of media attention means that we arenrsquot fostering the awareness within the public that we need in order to provide real help and ser-vices for survivors We need the mediarsquos help to bring this horrific crime to light and to help stop it from happening
they would get if they went to court because that risk of going to court and not getting at least the amount of the original offer weighs heavily on everyone Our system is designed and geared toward avoid-ing trials which can be good be-cause nobody really wants to go through a trial but can be bad be-cause people become very intimi-dated by the prospect of losing or not getting as much as the settle-ment offer and being indebted to the defendant for a lot of money Thatrsquos a scary scary thing to go through
With regards to the media the US has a media that by and large has helped out a lot with sexual abuse cases The whole issue of clergy abuse really started with investiga-tive reporting by the Boston Globe right
MS Right
SJ They really took that issue and just ran with it Here in Canada we really havenrsquot had the same kind of investigative media cover-age as yoursquove had which is why events like the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal are not as huge as they are down in the States
Before Martin Kruze committed sui-cide the media was only somewhat interested in the Maple Leaf Gar-dens scandal Martin Kruze was a figure because he had sued the Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Com-plex But after he committed sui-cide the media was really galva-nized and that was probably a
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 45)
ldquoThe lack of media
attention means that we
arenrsquot fostering the
awareness within the
public that we need in
order to provide real
help and services for
survivors We need the
mediarsquos help to bring
this horrific crime to
light and to help stop it
from happeningrdquo
February 2009
Page 47
ments but it canrsquot at this stage really happen through the courts
I would want there to be an ability for institutions or perpetrators mdash de-fendants mdash to look beyond mere dollars and cents and look toward healing the person that they have hurt either directly or indirectly All too often in these cases we really become tied up in the legal minu-tiae of things as opposed to defen-dants saying ldquoOK letrsquos step back here and letrsquos try to helprdquo
I wish that there were a real under-standing that these cases are not car accident cases and they should
not be treated as car accident cases My clients are not people whorsquove broken a leg and therefore need X amount of dollars in order to pay for medical services or whatnot And unfortu-nately that doesnrsquot necessarily happen
In terms of the thera-peutic community I would love to see counseling and therapy ses-sions be paid for through the pub-lic purse so that people who re-quire the services of highly-skilled counselors and therapists and psy-chologists can access those services without having to pay for them A lot of clients just donrsquot have the economic means to pay for such services until after they get a set-tlement and that could take years It would be wonderful to see those kinds of services funded the same way as a trip to the emergency room or a trip to your family doc-tor for a cold is funded Irsquod love to
vivors The amount of damage that can be done as a result of child-hood abuse or in fact any kind of sexual assault is tremendous It affects almost every aspect of someonersquos life It becomes inter-generational because it affects the people around the survivor and compensation awards are still very much a pale reflection of what is needed in order to help these peo-ple I hope that at some point our judges and our legislature under-stand that need and can corre-spondingly give appropriate and reasonable damage awards so that people can start to rebuild their lives in a meaningful way
I would love there to be an opportunity within our civil system for more than just compensation At this stage the only thing that a civil judge can do is award monetary compensation There are a lot of creative things that you can do within a settlement that are not purely fi-nancial that can give a lot of sol-ace to someone who has been abused whether that be in the form of some non-financial healing whether it be in the form of a situation where somebody can con-front their abuser if thatrsquos what they wish to do in a safe setting or whether itrsquos the ability for that sur-vivor to do something outside of pure simple dollars and put for-ward some sort of healing plan that is as individual as they are That can happen through settle-
be able to see that I think that that would go a long way to helping people earlier rather than later
Ultimately I wish that this situation didnrsquot exist anymore and I would be put out of business frankly
MS Well I can certainly sympa-thize with the way you feel but it would seem that you have a career ahead of you dealing with this problem
SJ Unfortunately I think you are right I think that instances of child-hood sexual abuse are not neces-sarily going down I think that insti-tutions are getting a little bit better at putting in place policies and sometimes even following their own policies to stop pedophiles from entering those institutions and preying on people that those insti-tutions are theoretically set up to serve but I think that as long as the problem of childhood sexual abuse is with us I will be out there trying to help anybody that I can
MS Is there anything else yoursquod like to say to our readers
SJ I think that organizations such as MaleSurvivor are imperative in helping people understand that they are not alone that itrsquos not their fault and there are ways to get help So hats off to an organi-zation such as yours The clients I have who are involved in your or-ganization are very very well served so I have to thank you for being a resource
MS Thank you very much for your kind comments and for your time Simona
ldquoUltimately I wish that
this situation didnrsquot exist
anymore and I would be
put out of business
franklyrdquo
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-
February 2009
Page 31
higher than its current statistical significance would suggest I would suggest itrsquos about one in four of the men I deal with 25 compared to the 16 suggested in the cur-rent literature If you allow for the fact that many of the men I work with have come from dysfunctional families that have been dysfunc-tional for generations the higher rate of incidence will hardly be surprising
I really had no idea when I started this job that I would have a head-
on collision with CSA No idea at all I was in my pre-survivor life My own past experi-ences were like a dormant volcano Sure some smoke would puff out every now and then for no readily apparent rea-son but no major eruption But as I heard more and more stories told by men in their own abyss of despair and self loath-ing things started to bubble within me
I remember the first man who disclosed to me He did not really intend to He started to tell part of a story and I just knew I just knew What he did say was part of an institutional abuse situa-tion that gained public awareness in the media After that story broke many men came forward as well to tell their story of how they too were abused as boys in a school
Inside
By Geeders (Jim)
W hen I was first asked to write about my experi-ences working in a jail I
wasnrsquot really sure what I could say about it Can I say this or should I say that Was it going to be really negative or show promise of better days ahead And what about me mdashthe new me mdash dealing with issues of childhood sexual abuse (CSA) at the same time as the men I see and work with How the hell was (or is) that going to work Well it is a work in progress after all and one that seems to evolve as I change and as I become more comfortable with my own sense of a new self
Let me begin by saying that there is nothing in this article that would meet the rigours of clinical dissection Equally important I do not work with sexual offenders What I am going to say is purely my experience based on personal observation No scientific analysis can be attributed to it apart from what we already know or suspect One in six men will have been sexually assaulted or abused by the time they are 18 It has long been opined that the number of abused men is actually
setting that was really a cover for juveniles in trouble with the law
The inmate I was working with did not come forward at that time He couldnrsquot His disclosure to me was the first time he had ever said anything about his abuse No one else knew mdash no one He was alone His pain was palpable and obvious His shame and guilt were profound Never had he admitted to himself what had happened in that school let alone admitted to a total stranger until that very moment I listened to his pain tried to console him just let him cry Eventually over the course of a couple of interviews it became obvious to me why he was in jail Any self-esteem that he had as a boy or young man was destroyed by his abuse His very essence was rewritten by the men who had abused him Teens get into trouble but they can also learn to later stay out of it by fol-lowing the teachings of those they trust But for this young man his ability to trust was destroyed by the very people who were sup-posed to care for him nurture him and dare I say it love him appro-priately What was even more tragic is that this man came from a cul-ture that has low tolerance for anything that even remotely resem-bles homosexuality
Being abused sent this man on a downward spiral that ultimately turned him into a drug addict by his own admission a junkie who hated himself for what ldquohe had
(Continued on page 32)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoOver the course of
several related careers I
have seen a lot of good
being done Irsquove also
seen a lot of ugliness
that even by todayrsquos
standards defies the
most common
sensibilities we have as
human beingsldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 32
donerdquo His shame and guilt and culture prevented him saying any-thing about what happened It cut him off from any legal action that might take place and removed any sort of financial compensation that he might gain as a result of his abuse It eventually cut him off from his own family because his drug abuse prevented him from working and supporting his wife and family It destroyed his ability to be a good dad and husband A few years later I saw him back in jail again
When I did encounter him again it was with an in-creased sense of awareness within me Every time a man disclosed to me that he had been sexually abused or assaulted I started to die inside A little piece of me just died every time a man said to me what I could not say to myself or anyone else That dormant volcano started to fume a bit more regularly
Over the course of several related careers I have seen a lot of good being done Irsquove also seen a lot of ugliness that even by todayrsquos standards defies the most common sensibilities we have as human beings It exists Itrsquos around every corner if we choose to look at it Along with the ugly we have the good We have people who are willing to take a stand and come forward to say to the world ldquoWe
Inside (Continued from page 31)
have a problem here itrsquos not going to go away and it needs to be fixedrdquo I had the good fortune to meet many of these people last year at a conference on male sex-ual victimization By then I had been able to learn from the men that I serve that perhaps I too could learn to tell someone Could I be a survivor too
Men in jail are there for a reason Whether itrsquos to protect society while they await trial or from
themselves or while sentenced they are here Whether I think they should be here is irrelevant They are usually at the end of their ropes Their lives are upside down and in turmoil They are frequently in withdrawal from illicit drug use They are in the bottom of a pit from which there does not appear to be an escape or refuge They are desperate and will act desperately
if needed They are angry and no longer have any control over their lives Someone has taken that control away from them They have no choice but to comply Failure to comply results in loss of privileges which can include being prohibited from contact with those they love the most Forced co-habitation with other men can evoke strong memories of prior abuse which they cannot deal with let alone understand It can be isolation
They are alone and cannot speak about their issues for fear of being discovered and further stigmatized and trau-matized by a peer group that cannot tolerate differences or diversity
I have been fortunate in that for some reason men trust me and feel safe and able to disclose And when they do you can see the relief on their faces They are scared for sure but it has always seemed to be a relief I have to ask them I have no choice because itrsquos part of my job But now as a survivor myself I can tell them they are not alone I cannot tell them about me but I can tell them they are not alone that they
are among the approximately one in six men who are assaulted or abused when they are boys or young men I can tell them about the few resources we have avail-able for men which are a 100 improvement compared to what they had when they first walked into my office I tell them about MaleSurvivor and have MS posters up in my office I can tell them that
ldquoTougher than lsquoNamrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 33
Maybe not I prefer to think that I have shown them that there is hope There is life in being a survi-vor they donrsquot have to be held hostage any longer by a secret that was put upon them by an abuser I prefer to think that I have been able to show them that they do not have to be ashamed for being male When I speak with them Irsquom a straight shooter I calls rsquoem as I sees lsquoem I use words they can understand mdash street language mdash which helps them understand their bodies and to understand that Mother Nature made them to be reactive and responsive I tell them that simply because their bodies reacted that their bodies re-sponded while being abused did not make the abuse their fault It takes a while to get there at times But the relief when the penny drops and they realize that they themselves were in no way respon-sible for the abuse is quite remark-able
Just this week Irsquove been working with a man who actually smiled when he came into my office He said ldquoI finally get it It wasnrsquot my faultrdquo He then went on to tell me that immediately prior to his at-tending in my office he had just disclosed to his sister while on the phone in his jail area surrounded by other inmates While it was perhaps not the safest venue for a disclosure he made his own deci-sion He said he was taking control As a 35 year old this man has not been in control since he was first abused at age seven Subsequent abuse only reinforced for him that he was an object a thing not worth anything Relationship after relationship failed him as he con-tinued to relive issues of abandon-
there are over 6000 people regis-tered at MS and that when they get out they will find tremendous support at the MS website I can tell them about Weekends of Re-covery without disclosing that attending a WOR was one of the best things I have done with my life They will know that they are no longer alone And not once has anyone asked me directly about me If they did I could not reply which in a round about way is a reply But I cannot reply Why The institution that I work in can be as intolerant of differences and diver-sity as the inmates are of each other The whole notion of male abuse and assault simply does not exist It is not spoken of It will not be spoken of mdash until now
Because abuse is now spoken of I have been able to create a support network for inmates and for myself Itrsquos a small step but a step never-theless Itrsquos spoken of now at a level never before reached in terms of official support and direction Support has yet to be defined but I have a mandate now to do a better job for male survivors Itrsquos on paper Itrsquos my goal
Safety of all concerned has to remain first and foremost mdash safety for the inmate safety for me With inmates disclosing to me often for the first time I am struck by what happens next A huge can of worms is opened And for what There is little safety here little opportunity to follow up The court system tosses these men around like dice One day they are here the next they are God knows where Have I done something that perhaps I shouldnrsquot have Maybe
ment physical and sexual abuse sexual orientation confusion anger management substance abuse domestic violence self respect low self esteem boundaries mdash these and much more impact upon this man daily But hersquos making a start Itrsquos another chance We all need them
I would be remiss to not mention the support of my colleagues Some of them do know about me and they have been tremendously supportive and understanding They too share a belief that it is possible for men to become survivors I cannot imagine doing this work everyday without their ongoing support I love you guys
The resources I refer to are few the Menrsquos Project in Ottawa The Gate-house in Toronto as well as local sexual assault centres I discovered on my own road to recovery that our local sexual assault centre does in fact offer services to men but does not advertise this due to the fear of being inundated with refer-rals They simply are not equipped to handle what surely lies out in my community When the report of the Cornwall Inquiry comes out later this year it is my belief that it will force our government our society to re-examine how its treatment of boys and men is provided Hope-fully those who are like I was feeling alone fearful uncomfortable in their own skin will feel more enabled to come forward to shed that skin that was put on them by their abuser(s) and step out of the ordinary letting their souls ascend and become free
Vol 2 No 2
Page 34
A History of Male Survi-vor Services in Queacutebec
and First Nations Communities
By Caroline Benamza (dance and drama therapistpsychotherapist at CRIPHASE)
And by Benoicirct St Jean (Director of CRIPHASE)
Contact Tel +1-514-529-55-67 Email infocriphaseorg
Website wwwcriphaseorg
T he latest statistics in Queacutebec show that one out of every six men has been sexually
abused before the age of 18 but there are very few statistics regard-ing male survivors and this estima-tion is only based on reported abuse Most adult men or boys who are survivors go unnoticed because most of the services in Queacutebec are exclusively for women In 2008 the male population in Queacutebec was about 3800000 of which about 3000000 are above 20 years of age (from the Institut de la Statistique) Therefore we can estimate that in Queacutebec there are around 500000 male survivors actually visible within the different health care services justice system and police departments The num-ber is already frightening for a seemingly peaceful society like Queacutebec When it comes to Native American communities as many as 80 of boys have been sexually abused before the age of 18 This number is quite similar mdash but for different reasons mdash to the male population within the Federal or Provincial prisons
The reality of male survivors of sexual abuse in childhood has remained in the dark for years in Queacutebec and it is only in the last four years that the government has acknowledged the necessity of funding counseling services for male survivors Historically it can be explained The first services for survivors have been developed since the 1960s within the very strong Queacutebeacutecois feminist move-ments The women have built along the years a strong network of ser-vices for female vic-tims of sexual abuse and domestic vio-lence Today these services still exist as the CALACS (Centres dAide et de Lutte contre les Agressions agrave Caractegravere Sexuel = Sexual Assault Cen-tres) network for survivors of sexual abuse Due to a strong belief in pro-viding a safe haven for women survivors men were turned away from these services and had nowhere to go Only two survivorsrsquo centres in the Montreal area outside the CALACS network welcomed men but those men represent only 5 of clients
This situation became obvious when the CAVAC (Centre drsquoAide pour les Victime drsquoActes Criminels = Crime Victims Assistance Centres) started to provide counseling ser-
vices to victims of criminal acts who wished to press charges and go through a court procedure The first services in Queacutebec for male survivors therefore came from a strong need in the society In 1996 the CAVAC decided to fund an experimental program directed by Denis Reneacute to offer a support group for male survivors This program was named the PHASE Groups (Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = For Men Sexually Abused in Child-
hood) With the suc-cess of these first groups between 1996 and 1997 the CAVAC of Montreal tried to secure funding for the continuation of services Unfortu-nately the PHASE Groups suffered from the double status it carried within the government the Minister of Justice that was the main funder of the CAVAC refused to fund a counseling service supposedly to be funded by the Health Minister Later the Health Minister turned down the
funding because as part of CAVAC the program should have been funded by the Minister of Justice
So it was in 1997 that Denis Reneacute decided to secure the future of the PHASE Groups by registering them
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoWhen it comes to
Native American
communities as many
as 80 of boys have
been sexually abused
before the age of 18
This number is quite
similarmdashbut for different
reasonsmdashto the male
population within the
Federal or Provincial
prisonsrdquo
February 2009
Page 35
intimacy and sexuality issues) and PHASE Artistique (a 10 weeks art and movement therapy program) with a holistic approach to body and mind recovery
In 2008 the very first weekend of recovery (named PHASE Weekend) was created and CRIPHASE wishes to make the weekend an annual event In 2003 for the first time
CRIPHASE became a full member of the Table de Concertation en Agressions Sexuelles (a gathering of several organizations providing services to survivors in addition to representatives from the Justice the Health Minister and the police) This cooperation allows a better understanding of survivor issues and needs as well as a better coor-
within a non-profit organization that took the name CRIPHASE (Centre de Resources et drsquointervention Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = Resource and Intervention Centre for Men who have been Sexually Abused in Childhood) For 10 years the Groups have survived on pri-vate funding and have provided two recovery Groups called PHASE 1 and PHASE 2 Each PHASE is a 10-week program serving non-offending male survivors over 18 years of age and of all sexual orienta-tions With its first public funding in 2004 of $38000 a director was en-gaged by the board of administration and in 2008 the PSOC (a funding body within the agency of Health and Social Services) fi-nally secured the future of CRIPHASE with a first major funding rooting CRIPHASE in the circle of sexual abuse survivors centres
Since 2006 CRIPHASE has devel-oped a major politics of visibility through the media conferences and meetings with the different actors of the Queacutebeacutecois stage Three more programs have been developed within CRIPHASE PHASE Conjoint (for partners of male survivors) PHASE Sexo (a 10 weeks program of recovery focusing on
dination of services on the ground From within the Table CRIPHASE has been able to educate people on the issue of male survivors and participate or initiate projects such as the Information Guide for Sexual Assault Victims and the first pre-vention mobilization and aware-ness march for sexual abuse survi-vors in 2008 The presence of CRIPHASE at the Table has also
allowed the feminists within the CALACS to have a better under-standing of the suffer-ing of male survivors who are also victims in their own way of an old patriarchal system CRIPHASE was also finally incorporated in the CALACS coordina-tion groupmdashcalled Table des CALACS mdash in 2008
Until 2008 there were no services provided in English (Queacutebec is a French-speaking province where Eng-lish speakers are a minority) due to lack of funding to translate the PHASE 1 docu-ments and employ English-speaking therapists The project
to offer groups in English had been put aside for years but finally in 2008 the first groups of PHASE 1 and 2 opened for English speakers The PHASE Artistique and PHASE Weekend are now bilingual pro-grams
(Continued on page 36)
Phone calls received at CRIPHASE
male survivors
therapists
relatives and loved ones
other
The average male survivor using the services at CRIPHASE is aged between 35 and 55
Vol 2 No 2
Page 36
Male survivors in the Native American
communities Recovery programs within Native American communities are only starting Many Native American men were sexually abused as well as psychologically and emotionally abused when they were sent to boarding schools across the province for assimila-tion The effects of this traumatic experience (including historic trauma) can be seen in all First Nations of Queacutebec Algonquians Cris Innus Abenakis Innuits Micmacs and so forth Today there is a strong need of heal-ing for this lost gen-eration but traumatic experiences and con-sequences have been passed on to the next generations Unfortu-nately sexual abuse is one of these problems which need to be addressed through prevention and coun-seling in a way that will integrate Native American traditions and their holistic ap-proach to medicine Such programs already exist within some communi-ties Organizations like GRIPMA (Groupe de Recherches et dInter-ventions Psychosociales en Milieu Autochtone = Research and Inter-vention group in Aboriginal Com-munities) located in the Huron
History of Male Survivor Services (Continued from page 35)
community of Wendake (near Queacute-bec city) provide a clinical expertise in intervention within Native Ameri-can communities On the other side the Aboriginal Healing Foun-dation based in Ottawa is currently funding 16 recovery projects for the First Nations in Queacutebec ad-dressing sexual abuse addiction prevention of suicide boarding schools trauma etc until 2010
Last year the publication of the five-year funding plan on sexual abuse by the provincial govern-ment of Queacutebec has seen the recognition of male survivors as a population in great need of ser-vices It has also recognized the necessity of providing services to the First Nations communities
Things are changing in Queacutebec for male survivors Because CRIPHASE is the only organization providing support and counseling to men in Queacutebec who have been sexually abused in childhood there is great hope for an increase of funding this year The constant develop-ment of CRIPHASE and the increase in phone calls and numbers of guys within the services (in 2008-
2009 there will be seven groups of PHASE 1 in-stead of five the year before) also show that men in Queacutebec are get-ting the right information on sexual abuse and services and are being encouraged to look for help and engage in re-covery
If you are one of these men in Queacutebec we are waiting for your call Remember you are not alone
For the annual march event please visit wwwmarchevasca (Information for the May 2009 march will be on line from February 2009)
Quilt Square by a Native Child from Alberta From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 37
MaleSurvivor is men surviving sexual abuse in Canada we will start with Canadarsquos sad legacy of abuse of children by clergy
A Brief Incomplete Canadian History
In Canada our First Nations People have had to bear the legacy of abuse they endured in Canadarsquos notorious residential schools Cur-rent issues of addictions and family and mental health problems amongst our First Nations people can be traced back to the legacy of abuse experienced by Native chil-dren in residential schools
Around 1874 the federal government began working with the churches (Catholic Anglican United and Presbyte-rian) to set up the Residential School System as a means to suppress Native cul-ture and promote assimilation In gen-eral children between the ages of five and 16 were taken from their parents and sent to church-run residen-tial schools The extent of the abuse in these church-run schools has been referred to as the ldquoCanadian Holocaustrdquo Recently the Canadian Government formed the Truth and Reconciliation Commis-sion (TRC) as part of the court-approved Indian Residential Schools Settlement Agreement The
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious
Leader By Nancy N Mayer MSW RSW
Partner Crisci amp Mayer Consultation Counselling and
Training Toronto wwwckmconsultationcom
Introduction
L ikely all the readers of this newsletter have knowledge and expertise about men
being physically sexually and emotionally abused Research tells us that abusers can come from any
walk of life and most often are known to the child or adult In the last decade abuse by clergy has finally ldquocome out of the closetrdquo so to
speak thanks to those brave survi-vors who have made public their experiences of being abused by clergy More than ever survivor groups are encouraging victims to report these crimes to the police and to consider seeking civil re-dress for their injuries Many groups believe that change in churches will only come when they are held accountable for the abuse perpetrated by clergy
This article will attempt to address the distinctive issues that are com-mon to this population of survivors Because the focus of this issue of
purpose of the commission is not to determine guilt or innocence but to create an historical account of the residential schools help people to heal and encourage reconciliation between Aboriginal and non-aboriginal Canadians
The notorious Mount Cashel Or-phanage is another Canadian leg-acy of sexual abuse by clergy This facility was operated in Newfound-land by the Christian Brothers More than a dozen priests were convicted after decades of abusing young boys at the orphanage
Mount Cashel Or-phanage closed in 1989 just six months after allegations of sexual physical and emotional abuse were published by the media (For more in depth information see Harris Michael Unholy Orders Trag-edy at Mount Cashel Ontario Viking Press 1990)
Like the US there have been hundreds and perhaps thou-sands of cases of children and vulner-
able adults abused by clergy in every religious denomination Unlike the US our country is not bound as strictly by statutes of limitations so lawsuits can proceed more freely Our sentences for convicted clerical sex offenders are
(Continued on page 38)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Nancy N Mayer
ldquo[First Nations] children
between the ages of five
and 16 were taken from
their parents and sent to
church-run residential
schools The extent of
the abuse in these
church-run schools has
been referred to as the
lsquoCanadian Holocaustrsquoldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 38
nowhere near as severe as those of our American neighbours Most first offenders will not serve a day in jail The civil awards for personal inju-ries are also quite low Our court system promotes set-tling these cases out of court When a case fails to go to trial it is not part of the public re-cord The widespread use of confidentiality orders media fatigue and Canadian reserve means that it is impos-sible to obtain accurate statistics on how often men are abused by clergy or even the ex-tent of the problem in this country
The Authority of Rel igious Leaders Religious organizations have always played a central role in our so-cieties They provide moral ethical and spiritual guidance Reli-gious teachings have given us a context and meaning for our lives Most religious belief revolves around a divine power or God Religious leaders (ministers priests rabbis elders nuns) are thought to be Godrsquos earthly repre-sentatives and are treated with reverence and respect They have intimate involvement with families and children at such vulnerable times as an illness death or other family crises They may have access
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 37)
to confidential information by virtue of their roles of confessor or counsellor A child brought up by religious parents is taught to re-spect these men and women Oth-ers associated with churches mdash choir leaders teachers cantors youth group leaders mdash are also considered trustworthy by virtue of their close
association with their religious organizations Most parents en-courage their childrenrsquos participa-tion in church-based activities believing them to be safe and wholesome
These leaders are considered to be esteemed authorities and as repre-sentatives of God wield a great deal of power Depending on the faith group there may be teachings
that support an unquestioning adherence to their instructions and guidance This makes children and vulnerable adults particularly sus-ceptible to exploitation by this group because they have access opportunity and trust
Misuse of Power Perpetrators can utilize their positions of power and trust to gain access to their victims some-times for extended periods of uninterrupted time They may tell children that they are being asked to ldquoserve Godrdquo or that they or their families will be punished if they do not do as instructed Chil-dren may be threatened with eternal damnation or blamed for leading the religious leader into sin If the religion con-siders premarital sex or same sex contacts as sinful the guilt will be compounded
In most cases the victim will not disclose or may disclose but not be
believed A child will have a difficult time convincing adults that he or she has been victimized The vic-timrsquos family culture or communi-ties have been socialized to see their religious leaders as unques-tionably good and incapable of lies This can lead to others denying or minimizing the victimrsquos experience of abuse The victim is initially harmed by the abuser and then is revictimized by those who cannot
ldquoMay Hope be Passed through Every Handrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 39
institutionrsquos response and lack of compassion and pastoral care
The Impact on Spir ituality
The frequently used term ldquosoul murderrdquo aptly describes what hap-pens when the abuser is a religious leader When the response of the religious institu-tion to a disclosure of abuse is experienced as self-serving and uncaring the survivor will likely lose his faith in the religious community of which he has been a part To belong and to feel connected is a basic human need When abused by clergy the loss of connection and belonging to what may have been a spiritual anchor can be devastating
To compound the harm the abuse may have occurred in a religious building The abuser may have worn traditional cleri-cal attire or may have made religious or biblical refer-ences As a result being exposed to religious symbols music or any other reminder can trigger flashbacks and other uncomfortable physical symptoms
The cleric is often considered Godrsquos representative on earth This gives the cleric power that surpasses his position and status When abuse is at the hands of a minister nun
accept that their spiritual leaders are capable of abuse There are many stories of clergy abuse survi-vors being abandoned by their religious communities (who side with the cleric) and their families who cannot face leaving the church that has given their lives meaning and comfort The resultant feelings of betrayal and abandonment are profound
The Role of the Religious Inst itutions
When religious institutions hold themselves up as ethical compasses and arbitrators of right and wrong society has an expectation that church leaders will act in a fair and moral way Many US Commissions and Grand Juries and Canadian reports such as the Winter Com-mission Report (Archdiocese of St Johns Newfoundland Canada 1990) Child Abuse in Community Institutions and Organizations and Improving Public and Professional Understanding (prepared for the Law Commission of Canada) all record and explain the dynamics that have lead to the failure of religious institutions to protect our children
While it is well known that any institution mdash educational recrea-tional or spiritual mdash is not immune from having sex offenders in its midst the religious institutions have a particular legacy of protect-ing the institution through aggres-sive legal tactics versus truth telling and reconciliation Many victims state that they have been less wounded by the actual abuse and profoundly more damaged by the
priest rabbi minister or elder the recipient of the abuse may experi-ence profound guilt for ldquoparticipatingrdquo in ldquosinfulrdquo behaviour mdash a mistaken belief that he is respon-sible for the abuse or shame that
he has ldquosinnedrdquo He may believe he is deserving of rejection or eternal damnation If he confesses he risks exposing the cleric who has likely done what he could to trick the victim into believing that he must maintain silence and secrecy One survivor describes feeling that rdquoIt was like being abused by God him-self If even God couldnrsquot love me how could anyone else ever love merdquo
These factors alone can leave a man who has been abused by clergy unable to find comfort and solace in what used to be his spiritual beliefs and his church Without these familiar beliefs the survivor is aban-
doned and alone when he most needs support
The Role of Gender While woman are ordained in some denominations there is still an imbalance of power between men and women in many religious tradi-tions For boys and men abused by male clerics embarrassment and
(Continued on page 40)
ldquoThe frequently used
term lsquosoul murderrsquo aptly
describes what happens
when the abuser is a
religious leader When
the response of the
religious institution to a
disclosure of abuse is
experienced as self-
serving and uncaring
the survivor will likely
lose his faith in the
religious community of
which he has been
a partrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 40
concerns of how they will be per-ceived promote silence For the boy or man abused by a female cleric there may be worries that he will be labelled the seducer or pres-sured to consider this ldquorelationshiprdquo as non-abusive
The study conducted by the John Jay Col-lege of Criminal Jus-tice regarding The Nature and Scope of the Problem of Sexual Abuse of Minors by Priests and Deacons in the Catholic Church (Washington DC USCCB 2004) found some very disturbing information about the age and gender of victims The largest group of reported victims (509) was between the ages of 11 and 14 273 of victims were 15 to 17 16 were eight to 10 and nearly 6 were under age seven Overall 81 of vic-tims were male and 19 female Male victims tended to be older than female victims Over 40 of all victims were males between the ages of 11 and 14
The largest group of reported victims in this study consisted of boys who were entering puberty This is a tumultuous time in most
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 39)
young menrsquos lives To have this period of development disrupted can contribute to many mental health problems including lack of confidence disruption of emo-tional sexual and psycho-social development isolation sexual identity confusion depression anxiety and abuse of substances
In Summary The harm experienced by those
who are abused by clergy is profound and multifaceted Some therapists will not want to work with survivors of clergy abuse due to the complexity of their issues their limited knowledge of the subject area possible religious biases and potential for litigation Most (but certainly not all) survivors will have experienced revictimization by their churches or religious institutions This compounded by abuse by a religious leader in a position of power will under-standably lead to unique challenges Survivors will have
significant trust issues that can impede the forming of a trusting therapeutic relationship with a therapist who will also be in a position of power and may be an employee of an institution With transparency and skill on the part of the therapist and tenacity on the part of the survivor effective thera-
peutic partnership can be achieved While recovery is difficult it is possible
The irony is that many survivors of abuse by clergy have a strong sense of integrity morality and perseverance They learned the lessons that the ldquoreligiousrdquo offend-ers failed to learn At the core of their beings these clergy abuse survivors are the prophets who have come to speak the truth and reveal the abuse and the decep-tions It is this desire for social justice truth telling belonging and connection that will allow a healthy spiritual belief system to rise out of the ashes of what has happened It is this healthy spiritual belief that makes many clergy abuse survivors persistent and tenacious in seeking recovery and social justice They are making a difference and chang-ing the world as we know it
ldquoThe harm experienced
by those who are
abused by clergy is
profound and
multifaceted Some
therapists will not want
to work with survivors
of clergy abuse due to
the complexity of their
issues their limited
knowledge of the
subject area possible
religious biases and
potential for litigationldquo
February 2009
Page 41
tion of it earlier in the lsquo90s but 1997 is when there was a critical mass of mostly male survivors coming forward and taking action against Maple Leaf Gardens Your question specifically was ldquoDid it play a role in my choice of ca-reersrdquo
MS Yes
SJ Yes and no The Maple Leaf
Gardens cases were not my first sexual assault cases but my in-volvement in these cases solidified my interest and desire to help sur-vivors
MS Could you take a few minutes to explain to our readers just what the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal was and why it has played a central role in revealing the extent of sex-ual abuse at least in the Toronto area
of my clients will say something like ldquoYou know this is not about the money I donrsquot care how much I get this is about something elserdquo And whatever that person seeks mdash an apology or the empowerment of filing a lawsuit or a million other unique things mdash that is why I do this kind of work Itrsquos about helping people through whatever process they need in order to begin that healing process the moving forward process
MS And also to provide your clients with a sense of justice
SJ Absolutely Justice is really not about the money itrsquos about the knowledge that theyrsquove come forward theyrsquove done something and theyrsquove empowered themselves It takes a tre-mendous amount of courage to do that I am always in awe of my cli-ents for the amount of courage they have They are my inspiration
MS Many Americans are unaware of the so-called Maple Leaf Gar-dens sex scandal that began some-time in the 1960s but didnrsquot come to wide public attention until 1997 the year after you began practicing law Did this scandal have some affect on your choice of career
SJ Actually the scandal did come to prominence before 1997 There was scattered media atten-
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 1)
SJ Sure There was a series of men who were employed at Maple Leaf Gardens which was the home of the Toronto Maple Leafs mdash the hockey club mdash who over a period of a couple of decades sexually abused probably hundreds of chil-dren It started in the lsquo60s it went on we believe until the early lsquo80s There were two principal men in-volved but there were at least three
others who also were ac-cused In order to under-stand why the Maple Leaf Gardens sex scandals are as important as they are you have to understand that hockey in Toronto and hockey in Canada is almost a religion Hockey is to Canadians what the NFL or Major League Baseball is to Americans Every little boy dreams of about becoming the next Wayne Gretzky becoming the best hockey player he can be Maple Leaf Gar-dens was the home of one of the best loved and biggest hockey teams mdash the Toronto Maple Leafs The Gardens was the high
temple of hockey in Canada and still is In the lsquo60s lsquo70s and even the lsquo80s children mdash mostly boys mdash would go to Maple Leaf Gardens usually unaccompanied by their parents because back then nobody really thought that anything bad would happen to them at the Gar-dens The boys would go there ei-ther for practice games or to watch the Maple Leafs play or more likely they would go to watch To-
(Continued on page 42)
ldquoMaple Leaf Gardens in Memory of Martin Kruzerdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 42
ronto Marlies games The Marlies were the farm team for the Toronto Maple Leafs During these games and these practices the pedophiles who worked at the Gardenrsquos would often befriend these boys seeking out boys who were more vulner-able than others most likely and would sexually assault the boys sometimes off-property but most often within the Gardens itself They would use their position as employees of the Gardens to be able to say to the boys if you come with me Irsquoll get you a broken hockey stick or hockey puck or Irsquoll get you into better seats the next game or whatever other type of inducement would be necessary to get the boys to go with them into either a washroom or a training room or other private place where the boys would be sexually abused
In 1997 there were about 50 or 60 cases all joined to-gether and Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Entertainment Ltd wanted to settle all the cases prior to the Toronto Maple Leafs moving into a new hockey rink called the Air Canada Center so as to have a clean slate at the new rink By and large a lot of the litigation was fin-ished before the team moved into the Air Canada Center but not all of it In fact there are probably 17 or 19 cases going through the court
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 41)
system today more than 10 years after the original large group of plaintiffs went through the court and I believe that new people will continue to come forward when they are strong enough
MS I understand that one of the principal plaintiffs in the case Mar-tin Kruze had settled with the owners or the operators of the Ma-ple Leaf Gardens in 1995 and that he signed a confidentiality agree-ment not to reveal the settlement
or perhaps even the details of what had happened to him Do you think that the confidentiality agree-ment Mr Kruze agreed to slowed down or hindered the full exposure of this scandal
SJ I think that any confidentiality agreement blocks public access to knowledge and to understanding so I do suspect that Martinrsquos confi-dentiality agreement did have some impact on the scandal re-
maining hidden for as long as it did Absolutely yes I believe that confidentiality agreements are in-herently difficult for plaintiffs be-cause they create and continue a cycle of secrecy Sexual assault is a crime that is almost always carried out in secret and the guilt and shame it produces is key in helping pedophiles maintain their hold over their victims Putting a confidential-ity agreement on a settlement just perpetuates the guilt and the shame
MS Unfortunately Martin Kruzersquos principal perpetrator received a shockingly light sen-tence for all his actions and I understand that this led to Martin com-mitting suicide shortly afterwards
SJ I would think that the perpetratorrsquos sentence was a part of why Martin chose to end his life yes It hap-pened relatively shortly after the sentencing and I suspect that it weighed heavily on Martinrsquos decision
MS Do you think that the sen-tence that the perpetrator received was a reflection of the then current attitude towards pedophiles and sexual abuse
SJ The sentence that the perpe-trator received was a reflection on the way that the Canadian justice system deals with criminals regard-ing personal crimes absolutely It was a very low sentence in keep-
Imants Kruze visiting his sonrsquos memorial quilt square in the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 43
obtain here versus how much they can obtain in the United States In the United States there is no cap for pain and suffering awards whereas here in Canada there is a very small cap mdash about $325000 If a survivor of sexual assault goes through the court system and even if they have a very good day in court in terms of compensation yoursquore probably looking at an award for dam-ages somewhere be-tween $200000 and $500000 Sometimes itrsquos actually less than $200000 and very very rarely more than $500000 so in that sense we are defi-nitely behind But I donrsquot think itrsquos a question of waiting 10 years to see if we ldquocatch uprdquo I think itrsquos just a fundamental difference in how our court system works and whatrsquos available to survivors in terms of compensation
If you mean that Canada is 10 years behind in dealing with other aspects of sexual assault then you are probably correct in terms of media attention public awareness and outrage Sexual assault is still largely an unreported unprose-cuted crime But things are getting better every day and as more and more survivors come forward posi-tive changes will continue to hap-pen
MS As Irsquom sure you know therersquos periodic discussion about tort re-
ing with what was handed out at the time and to a large extent itrsquos still in keeping with what is handed out right now
MS Are you still representing or have you represented anyone who is a plaintiff in this scandal
SJ I was very much involved in the core group of Maple Leaf Gar-dens survivors that came forward in 1997 I was on what was called the plaintiffsrsquo committee back then which was a group of a few lawyers who brought the litigation forward I represented a number of plaintiffs in the original group that came forward I have also represented quite a few men throughout the last 10 years and currently repre-sent two men in the last group of plaintiffs to come forward I have also been approached by at least two other men who may decide to pursue litigation
MS Dale English mdash who has spo-ken to you at some length mdash has said to me that either you or he or both of you have felt that Canada is perhaps 10 or more years behind the US in dealing with the issues of sexual abuse and sexual assault Could you elaborate on that com-ment
SJ I think it depends on what you mean by dealing with the is-sues If you mean dealing with the issues in terms of bringing civil cases forward to a certain extent we are behind One of the funda-mental differences between the United States and Canada is the way that our tort systems operate and specifically the amount of compensation that tort victims can
form in the United States mainly aimed at capping punitive dam-ages Irsquom wondering whether there is the mirror of that in Canada mdash whether therersquos any movement to-wards tort reform that would allow greater awards to victims
SJ Well there is and there isnrsquot In Canada itrsquos very difficult if not
impossible to get pu-nitive damages espe-cially if therersquos a criminal conviction The punitive damages that are available in Canada are very low A typical punitive damage award would be $20000 or $25000 - usually not much more than that So damages are quite restricted here in any event In terms of tort reform I think there is a global push by in-surance companies to
try to limit compensation whether in the States or here The things that the American Association of Justice are fighting for down in the States are the same things that the Ontario Trial Lawyers Association are fighting for here mdash the continued ability to sue for compensation un-hampered by legislative roadblocks benefitting powerful institutional defendants to the detriment of those who have suffered Ours is a much smaller playing field and therefore less money is at stake In terms of plaintiffsrsquo lawyers wersquore trying to maximize the compensa-tion that we can get for our client Every time we go to court we try
(Continued on page 44)
ldquoIf you mean that
Canada is 10 years
behind in dealing with
other aspects of sexual
assault then you are
probably correct in
terms of media
attention public
awareness and outrageldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 44
to get a higher damage award so that that case will be a building block for future cases There are always attempts to try to circum-vent the cap on pain and suffering damages that we have Itrsquos not an easy thing to do the cap has been in place in Canada for 32 years now It was put in place in 1977 by the Supreme Court of Canada and itrsquos unlikely to be overturned any-time soon Even though from a purely theoretical legal analysis that cap does not apply to pain and suffering damages for victims of sexual assault and sexual abuse the reality is that judges still use that cap as a high water mark even though it doesnrsquot formally apply mdash it is still a de facto cap and to be honest with you it is almost impos-sible to get anywhere near that cap for compensation for pain and suf-fering A typical pain and suffering award in Canada for childhood sex-ual abuse is somewhere between $100000 and $200000 Anything on top of that would be associated economic loss or care costs
MS Itrsquos quite unfortunate that even though therersquos no real cap the law behaves as if there were one
SJ Yep I couldnrsquot agree with you more Itrsquos very unfortunate
MS I understand that in 2005 the government of Ontario convened whatrsquos known as the Cornwall Pub-lic Inquiry Was the Inquiry con-vened to address the issues of sex-ual abuse and sexual assault and
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 43)
the way the justice system is han-dling it
SJ Thatrsquos probably one of the reasons the Inquiry was convened Thatrsquos one of the hopes The In-quiry was convened because of what was going on in a little city east of Toronto mdash a series of allega-tions against very prominent mem-bers of that community involving the sexual abuse of children over a period of many many years The idea behind the Inquiry is to try to figure out what happened and to put in place some recommenda-tions that will not only stop some-thing like the abuse in Cornwall from happening again but will also try to help those who were affected by the events in the first place And to some extent I think some good will come of the Inquiry Hopefully the recommendations will be good for survivors of childhood sexual abuse or any kind of sexual assault The Submission phase of the In-quiry officially ended late February 2009
MS Did you have the opportunity to testify before the Inquiry
SJ I did not personally testify before the Inquiry Testimony was generally limited to the people ac-tually involved mdash police officers vic-tims what not I was involved in the Inquiry with regards to a panel discussionroundtable that they had regarding the use of confiden-tiality agreements
MS As you probably know Male-Survivor was first founded in the early 1980s by a group of thera-pists who were concerned about support for victims of childhood
sexual abuse and although Male-Survivor is still not a very large or-ganization it has increased its in-fluence significantly over the years and Irsquom wondering whether there is a similar non-profit or other group in Canada that also is dedi-cated to helping victims of child-hood sexual abuse
SJ There are some grass roots organizations that deal with victims of childhood sexual abuse or adult sexual assault I donrsquot believe there is as cohesive a unit as MaleSurvi-vor I may be wrong on that but there are smaller more community based organizations that assist sur-vivors That being said resources available to survivors are unfortu-nately pretty limited
MS Is that because there are too few therapists in that form of prac-tice
SJ I think itrsquos a mixture of many different things First of all Canada has a much smaller population base mdash 30 million people as com-pared to 300 million in the United States mdash so you have significantly fewer people affected and there-fore you have significantly fewer resources available to those people The services that we do have will often have very long waiting lists before people can access them There are some very very good counselors in Canada assisting sur-vivors but unfortunately the waiting lists are sometimes long and the availability for public funding to provide services free of charge is somewhat limited
MS Is there anything in your opinion about the Canadian health
February 2009
Page 45
system that contributes to the scar-city of services
SJ I donrsquot know if itrsquos the Cana-dian health system I think that in Canada we have a pretty good public health system in the sense that anybody who needs medical services can access those services free of charge The problem is that a lot of these services are not covered under our health system per se Many are covered under either private plans or pay as you go type services and itrsquos just a question of finding the people who can provide these services and being lucky enough to get them when they either donrsquot have a waiting list or other-wise having to wait until your name comes up on that waiting list
MS And that could takes years in some cases it seems
SJ My understanding is that those waiting lists can be quite long but there are very good peo-ple out there Itrsquos just a question of finding them and being able to afford them
MS Can you elaborate on other differences between the US and Canada that affect the way survi-vors and perpetrators are treated by the legal system and the media
SJ The differences between Can-ada and the US are really huge On the surface Americans and Canadi-ans look pretty much the same dress the same talk the same eat the same foods and by and large watch the same TV but culturally there is a huge difference in the way we look at the world in the
way our legal system works and the way that people interact with one another
Americans are much more litigious by na-ture I think this is due to the fact that in the United States mdash at least as seen from the outside mdash the rights of the individual are paramount In Can-ada less so Canada is much more commu-nity-oriented We of-tentimes think about how something is going to affect others instead of looking at what an individual might be entitled to I think that the high
damage awards available through the American legal system are beneficial in sexual abuse cases as is the lack of a cap on awards which we have
In some ways though our legal system is much better for my cli-ents than the US system would be because of the way that our actual process works One of the things that I know is very damaging to a lot of plaintiffs in the United States is the whole discovery process tak-
ing depositions Depositions can go on for a huge number of days and pretty much everybody in the per-sonrsquos life can be called to give a deposition That is very troubling and painful for people who donrsquot necessarily want others to know about their abuse or donrsquot want to involve their family Here in Canada depositions mdash or what we call the examination for discovery mdash are lim-ited to the actual named parties in the lawsuit The defendant and the plaintiff are examined for discovery or deposed if you will Anyone who is not an actual party to the litiga-tion can only be discovered under court orders and itrsquos very difficult to get those court orders so in that sense itrsquos a much quicker cleaner process and less intrusive on some-onersquos life So that is probably a good thing
The other really huge difference between the two systems which I think does in fact impact on why a lot of these cases settle as opposed to going to court and oftentimes settle for very different amounts of money than they would if they went to court is that in Canada we have a ldquoloser paysrdquo system If you go to court and you lose you have to pay at least a portion of the fees incurred by the other side Letrsquos say the defendantrsquos settlement offer is $100000 If the plaintiff does not accept that $100000 and at trial the plaintiff gets $99000 then the plaintiff has to pay the lawyerrsquos fees of the defendant because the award is less than the settlement offer That is very difficult That means that a lot of cases are set-tled for probably less money than
(Continued on page 46)
ldquoOn the surface
Americans and
Canadians look pretty
much the same hellip but
culturally there is a
huge difference in the
way we look at the
world in the way our
legal system works and
the way that people
interact with one
anotherldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 46
MS I join you in that hope Any-thing that can advance the cause of not only helping people but also helping prevent further abuses is always going to be welcome If you could set forth a vision of how you would like to see the law and the therapeutic community in Canada evolve to handle matters of child-
hood sexual abuse and sexual assault mdash if you could influence the reform of institu-tions what would your vision be
SJ Oh Richard Wow Well first and foremost I would love to raise public aware-ness of this issue for various reasons I think that increased public awareness will not necessarily reduce the instances of abuse but will help improve how abuse is dealt with when itrsquos ongoing and after-wards Itrsquos very im-portant that when a child is hurt that
child knows that he can go to peo-ple for help and support All too often if kids get up enough cour-age to tell someone the reaction they get is not very positive I think that with increased public aware-ness hopefully people will under-stand that there are ways to deal with this that will decrease the amount of harm so public aware-ness is paramount
I would like the legal system to raise compensation awards for sur-
turning point in bringing to the publicrsquos attention that the sexual assault of children can happen does happen and itrsquos a very diffi-cult thing for anyone to go through whether theyrsquore little boys or grown men that were abused as children It brought childhood sex-ual abuse out of the shadows to a certain extent The scandal still garners media attention as new survivors come forward but not the same as it did 10 years ago
MS Would you say that the lack of inves-tigative reporting is a cultural phenomenon or is it that the news-papers donrsquot feel they have that role
SJ Oh no Canadian newspapers do feel that they have a role in investigating things but for whatever rea-son sexual abuse of children has not been a priority The Cana-dian media really has not been at the forefront of this issue the way the media in the United States has been and I think that is tremen-dously disappointing The lack of media attention means that we arenrsquot fostering the awareness within the public that we need in order to provide real help and ser-vices for survivors We need the mediarsquos help to bring this horrific crime to light and to help stop it from happening
they would get if they went to court because that risk of going to court and not getting at least the amount of the original offer weighs heavily on everyone Our system is designed and geared toward avoid-ing trials which can be good be-cause nobody really wants to go through a trial but can be bad be-cause people become very intimi-dated by the prospect of losing or not getting as much as the settle-ment offer and being indebted to the defendant for a lot of money Thatrsquos a scary scary thing to go through
With regards to the media the US has a media that by and large has helped out a lot with sexual abuse cases The whole issue of clergy abuse really started with investiga-tive reporting by the Boston Globe right
MS Right
SJ They really took that issue and just ran with it Here in Canada we really havenrsquot had the same kind of investigative media cover-age as yoursquove had which is why events like the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal are not as huge as they are down in the States
Before Martin Kruze committed sui-cide the media was only somewhat interested in the Maple Leaf Gar-dens scandal Martin Kruze was a figure because he had sued the Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Com-plex But after he committed sui-cide the media was really galva-nized and that was probably a
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 45)
ldquoThe lack of media
attention means that we
arenrsquot fostering the
awareness within the
public that we need in
order to provide real
help and services for
survivors We need the
mediarsquos help to bring
this horrific crime to
light and to help stop it
from happeningrdquo
February 2009
Page 47
ments but it canrsquot at this stage really happen through the courts
I would want there to be an ability for institutions or perpetrators mdash de-fendants mdash to look beyond mere dollars and cents and look toward healing the person that they have hurt either directly or indirectly All too often in these cases we really become tied up in the legal minu-tiae of things as opposed to defen-dants saying ldquoOK letrsquos step back here and letrsquos try to helprdquo
I wish that there were a real under-standing that these cases are not car accident cases and they should
not be treated as car accident cases My clients are not people whorsquove broken a leg and therefore need X amount of dollars in order to pay for medical services or whatnot And unfortu-nately that doesnrsquot necessarily happen
In terms of the thera-peutic community I would love to see counseling and therapy ses-sions be paid for through the pub-lic purse so that people who re-quire the services of highly-skilled counselors and therapists and psy-chologists can access those services without having to pay for them A lot of clients just donrsquot have the economic means to pay for such services until after they get a set-tlement and that could take years It would be wonderful to see those kinds of services funded the same way as a trip to the emergency room or a trip to your family doc-tor for a cold is funded Irsquod love to
vivors The amount of damage that can be done as a result of child-hood abuse or in fact any kind of sexual assault is tremendous It affects almost every aspect of someonersquos life It becomes inter-generational because it affects the people around the survivor and compensation awards are still very much a pale reflection of what is needed in order to help these peo-ple I hope that at some point our judges and our legislature under-stand that need and can corre-spondingly give appropriate and reasonable damage awards so that people can start to rebuild their lives in a meaningful way
I would love there to be an opportunity within our civil system for more than just compensation At this stage the only thing that a civil judge can do is award monetary compensation There are a lot of creative things that you can do within a settlement that are not purely fi-nancial that can give a lot of sol-ace to someone who has been abused whether that be in the form of some non-financial healing whether it be in the form of a situation where somebody can con-front their abuser if thatrsquos what they wish to do in a safe setting or whether itrsquos the ability for that sur-vivor to do something outside of pure simple dollars and put for-ward some sort of healing plan that is as individual as they are That can happen through settle-
be able to see that I think that that would go a long way to helping people earlier rather than later
Ultimately I wish that this situation didnrsquot exist anymore and I would be put out of business frankly
MS Well I can certainly sympa-thize with the way you feel but it would seem that you have a career ahead of you dealing with this problem
SJ Unfortunately I think you are right I think that instances of child-hood sexual abuse are not neces-sarily going down I think that insti-tutions are getting a little bit better at putting in place policies and sometimes even following their own policies to stop pedophiles from entering those institutions and preying on people that those insti-tutions are theoretically set up to serve but I think that as long as the problem of childhood sexual abuse is with us I will be out there trying to help anybody that I can
MS Is there anything else yoursquod like to say to our readers
SJ I think that organizations such as MaleSurvivor are imperative in helping people understand that they are not alone that itrsquos not their fault and there are ways to get help So hats off to an organi-zation such as yours The clients I have who are involved in your or-ganization are very very well served so I have to thank you for being a resource
MS Thank you very much for your kind comments and for your time Simona
ldquoUltimately I wish that
this situation didnrsquot exist
anymore and I would be
put out of business
franklyrdquo
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-
Vol 2 No 2
Page 32
donerdquo His shame and guilt and culture prevented him saying any-thing about what happened It cut him off from any legal action that might take place and removed any sort of financial compensation that he might gain as a result of his abuse It eventually cut him off from his own family because his drug abuse prevented him from working and supporting his wife and family It destroyed his ability to be a good dad and husband A few years later I saw him back in jail again
When I did encounter him again it was with an in-creased sense of awareness within me Every time a man disclosed to me that he had been sexually abused or assaulted I started to die inside A little piece of me just died every time a man said to me what I could not say to myself or anyone else That dormant volcano started to fume a bit more regularly
Over the course of several related careers I have seen a lot of good being done Irsquove also seen a lot of ugliness that even by todayrsquos standards defies the most common sensibilities we have as human beings It exists Itrsquos around every corner if we choose to look at it Along with the ugly we have the good We have people who are willing to take a stand and come forward to say to the world ldquoWe
Inside (Continued from page 31)
have a problem here itrsquos not going to go away and it needs to be fixedrdquo I had the good fortune to meet many of these people last year at a conference on male sex-ual victimization By then I had been able to learn from the men that I serve that perhaps I too could learn to tell someone Could I be a survivor too
Men in jail are there for a reason Whether itrsquos to protect society while they await trial or from
themselves or while sentenced they are here Whether I think they should be here is irrelevant They are usually at the end of their ropes Their lives are upside down and in turmoil They are frequently in withdrawal from illicit drug use They are in the bottom of a pit from which there does not appear to be an escape or refuge They are desperate and will act desperately
if needed They are angry and no longer have any control over their lives Someone has taken that control away from them They have no choice but to comply Failure to comply results in loss of privileges which can include being prohibited from contact with those they love the most Forced co-habitation with other men can evoke strong memories of prior abuse which they cannot deal with let alone understand It can be isolation
They are alone and cannot speak about their issues for fear of being discovered and further stigmatized and trau-matized by a peer group that cannot tolerate differences or diversity
I have been fortunate in that for some reason men trust me and feel safe and able to disclose And when they do you can see the relief on their faces They are scared for sure but it has always seemed to be a relief I have to ask them I have no choice because itrsquos part of my job But now as a survivor myself I can tell them they are not alone I cannot tell them about me but I can tell them they are not alone that they
are among the approximately one in six men who are assaulted or abused when they are boys or young men I can tell them about the few resources we have avail-able for men which are a 100 improvement compared to what they had when they first walked into my office I tell them about MaleSurvivor and have MS posters up in my office I can tell them that
ldquoTougher than lsquoNamrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 33
Maybe not I prefer to think that I have shown them that there is hope There is life in being a survi-vor they donrsquot have to be held hostage any longer by a secret that was put upon them by an abuser I prefer to think that I have been able to show them that they do not have to be ashamed for being male When I speak with them Irsquom a straight shooter I calls rsquoem as I sees lsquoem I use words they can understand mdash street language mdash which helps them understand their bodies and to understand that Mother Nature made them to be reactive and responsive I tell them that simply because their bodies reacted that their bodies re-sponded while being abused did not make the abuse their fault It takes a while to get there at times But the relief when the penny drops and they realize that they themselves were in no way respon-sible for the abuse is quite remark-able
Just this week Irsquove been working with a man who actually smiled when he came into my office He said ldquoI finally get it It wasnrsquot my faultrdquo He then went on to tell me that immediately prior to his at-tending in my office he had just disclosed to his sister while on the phone in his jail area surrounded by other inmates While it was perhaps not the safest venue for a disclosure he made his own deci-sion He said he was taking control As a 35 year old this man has not been in control since he was first abused at age seven Subsequent abuse only reinforced for him that he was an object a thing not worth anything Relationship after relationship failed him as he con-tinued to relive issues of abandon-
there are over 6000 people regis-tered at MS and that when they get out they will find tremendous support at the MS website I can tell them about Weekends of Re-covery without disclosing that attending a WOR was one of the best things I have done with my life They will know that they are no longer alone And not once has anyone asked me directly about me If they did I could not reply which in a round about way is a reply But I cannot reply Why The institution that I work in can be as intolerant of differences and diver-sity as the inmates are of each other The whole notion of male abuse and assault simply does not exist It is not spoken of It will not be spoken of mdash until now
Because abuse is now spoken of I have been able to create a support network for inmates and for myself Itrsquos a small step but a step never-theless Itrsquos spoken of now at a level never before reached in terms of official support and direction Support has yet to be defined but I have a mandate now to do a better job for male survivors Itrsquos on paper Itrsquos my goal
Safety of all concerned has to remain first and foremost mdash safety for the inmate safety for me With inmates disclosing to me often for the first time I am struck by what happens next A huge can of worms is opened And for what There is little safety here little opportunity to follow up The court system tosses these men around like dice One day they are here the next they are God knows where Have I done something that perhaps I shouldnrsquot have Maybe
ment physical and sexual abuse sexual orientation confusion anger management substance abuse domestic violence self respect low self esteem boundaries mdash these and much more impact upon this man daily But hersquos making a start Itrsquos another chance We all need them
I would be remiss to not mention the support of my colleagues Some of them do know about me and they have been tremendously supportive and understanding They too share a belief that it is possible for men to become survivors I cannot imagine doing this work everyday without their ongoing support I love you guys
The resources I refer to are few the Menrsquos Project in Ottawa The Gate-house in Toronto as well as local sexual assault centres I discovered on my own road to recovery that our local sexual assault centre does in fact offer services to men but does not advertise this due to the fear of being inundated with refer-rals They simply are not equipped to handle what surely lies out in my community When the report of the Cornwall Inquiry comes out later this year it is my belief that it will force our government our society to re-examine how its treatment of boys and men is provided Hope-fully those who are like I was feeling alone fearful uncomfortable in their own skin will feel more enabled to come forward to shed that skin that was put on them by their abuser(s) and step out of the ordinary letting their souls ascend and become free
Vol 2 No 2
Page 34
A History of Male Survi-vor Services in Queacutebec
and First Nations Communities
By Caroline Benamza (dance and drama therapistpsychotherapist at CRIPHASE)
And by Benoicirct St Jean (Director of CRIPHASE)
Contact Tel +1-514-529-55-67 Email infocriphaseorg
Website wwwcriphaseorg
T he latest statistics in Queacutebec show that one out of every six men has been sexually
abused before the age of 18 but there are very few statistics regard-ing male survivors and this estima-tion is only based on reported abuse Most adult men or boys who are survivors go unnoticed because most of the services in Queacutebec are exclusively for women In 2008 the male population in Queacutebec was about 3800000 of which about 3000000 are above 20 years of age (from the Institut de la Statistique) Therefore we can estimate that in Queacutebec there are around 500000 male survivors actually visible within the different health care services justice system and police departments The num-ber is already frightening for a seemingly peaceful society like Queacutebec When it comes to Native American communities as many as 80 of boys have been sexually abused before the age of 18 This number is quite similar mdash but for different reasons mdash to the male population within the Federal or Provincial prisons
The reality of male survivors of sexual abuse in childhood has remained in the dark for years in Queacutebec and it is only in the last four years that the government has acknowledged the necessity of funding counseling services for male survivors Historically it can be explained The first services for survivors have been developed since the 1960s within the very strong Queacutebeacutecois feminist move-ments The women have built along the years a strong network of ser-vices for female vic-tims of sexual abuse and domestic vio-lence Today these services still exist as the CALACS (Centres dAide et de Lutte contre les Agressions agrave Caractegravere Sexuel = Sexual Assault Cen-tres) network for survivors of sexual abuse Due to a strong belief in pro-viding a safe haven for women survivors men were turned away from these services and had nowhere to go Only two survivorsrsquo centres in the Montreal area outside the CALACS network welcomed men but those men represent only 5 of clients
This situation became obvious when the CAVAC (Centre drsquoAide pour les Victime drsquoActes Criminels = Crime Victims Assistance Centres) started to provide counseling ser-
vices to victims of criminal acts who wished to press charges and go through a court procedure The first services in Queacutebec for male survivors therefore came from a strong need in the society In 1996 the CAVAC decided to fund an experimental program directed by Denis Reneacute to offer a support group for male survivors This program was named the PHASE Groups (Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = For Men Sexually Abused in Child-
hood) With the suc-cess of these first groups between 1996 and 1997 the CAVAC of Montreal tried to secure funding for the continuation of services Unfortu-nately the PHASE Groups suffered from the double status it carried within the government the Minister of Justice that was the main funder of the CAVAC refused to fund a counseling service supposedly to be funded by the Health Minister Later the Health Minister turned down the
funding because as part of CAVAC the program should have been funded by the Minister of Justice
So it was in 1997 that Denis Reneacute decided to secure the future of the PHASE Groups by registering them
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoWhen it comes to
Native American
communities as many
as 80 of boys have
been sexually abused
before the age of 18
This number is quite
similarmdashbut for different
reasonsmdashto the male
population within the
Federal or Provincial
prisonsrdquo
February 2009
Page 35
intimacy and sexuality issues) and PHASE Artistique (a 10 weeks art and movement therapy program) with a holistic approach to body and mind recovery
In 2008 the very first weekend of recovery (named PHASE Weekend) was created and CRIPHASE wishes to make the weekend an annual event In 2003 for the first time
CRIPHASE became a full member of the Table de Concertation en Agressions Sexuelles (a gathering of several organizations providing services to survivors in addition to representatives from the Justice the Health Minister and the police) This cooperation allows a better understanding of survivor issues and needs as well as a better coor-
within a non-profit organization that took the name CRIPHASE (Centre de Resources et drsquointervention Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = Resource and Intervention Centre for Men who have been Sexually Abused in Childhood) For 10 years the Groups have survived on pri-vate funding and have provided two recovery Groups called PHASE 1 and PHASE 2 Each PHASE is a 10-week program serving non-offending male survivors over 18 years of age and of all sexual orienta-tions With its first public funding in 2004 of $38000 a director was en-gaged by the board of administration and in 2008 the PSOC (a funding body within the agency of Health and Social Services) fi-nally secured the future of CRIPHASE with a first major funding rooting CRIPHASE in the circle of sexual abuse survivors centres
Since 2006 CRIPHASE has devel-oped a major politics of visibility through the media conferences and meetings with the different actors of the Queacutebeacutecois stage Three more programs have been developed within CRIPHASE PHASE Conjoint (for partners of male survivors) PHASE Sexo (a 10 weeks program of recovery focusing on
dination of services on the ground From within the Table CRIPHASE has been able to educate people on the issue of male survivors and participate or initiate projects such as the Information Guide for Sexual Assault Victims and the first pre-vention mobilization and aware-ness march for sexual abuse survi-vors in 2008 The presence of CRIPHASE at the Table has also
allowed the feminists within the CALACS to have a better under-standing of the suffer-ing of male survivors who are also victims in their own way of an old patriarchal system CRIPHASE was also finally incorporated in the CALACS coordina-tion groupmdashcalled Table des CALACS mdash in 2008
Until 2008 there were no services provided in English (Queacutebec is a French-speaking province where Eng-lish speakers are a minority) due to lack of funding to translate the PHASE 1 docu-ments and employ English-speaking therapists The project
to offer groups in English had been put aside for years but finally in 2008 the first groups of PHASE 1 and 2 opened for English speakers The PHASE Artistique and PHASE Weekend are now bilingual pro-grams
(Continued on page 36)
Phone calls received at CRIPHASE
male survivors
therapists
relatives and loved ones
other
The average male survivor using the services at CRIPHASE is aged between 35 and 55
Vol 2 No 2
Page 36
Male survivors in the Native American
communities Recovery programs within Native American communities are only starting Many Native American men were sexually abused as well as psychologically and emotionally abused when they were sent to boarding schools across the province for assimila-tion The effects of this traumatic experience (including historic trauma) can be seen in all First Nations of Queacutebec Algonquians Cris Innus Abenakis Innuits Micmacs and so forth Today there is a strong need of heal-ing for this lost gen-eration but traumatic experiences and con-sequences have been passed on to the next generations Unfortu-nately sexual abuse is one of these problems which need to be addressed through prevention and coun-seling in a way that will integrate Native American traditions and their holistic ap-proach to medicine Such programs already exist within some communi-ties Organizations like GRIPMA (Groupe de Recherches et dInter-ventions Psychosociales en Milieu Autochtone = Research and Inter-vention group in Aboriginal Com-munities) located in the Huron
History of Male Survivor Services (Continued from page 35)
community of Wendake (near Queacute-bec city) provide a clinical expertise in intervention within Native Ameri-can communities On the other side the Aboriginal Healing Foun-dation based in Ottawa is currently funding 16 recovery projects for the First Nations in Queacutebec ad-dressing sexual abuse addiction prevention of suicide boarding schools trauma etc until 2010
Last year the publication of the five-year funding plan on sexual abuse by the provincial govern-ment of Queacutebec has seen the recognition of male survivors as a population in great need of ser-vices It has also recognized the necessity of providing services to the First Nations communities
Things are changing in Queacutebec for male survivors Because CRIPHASE is the only organization providing support and counseling to men in Queacutebec who have been sexually abused in childhood there is great hope for an increase of funding this year The constant develop-ment of CRIPHASE and the increase in phone calls and numbers of guys within the services (in 2008-
2009 there will be seven groups of PHASE 1 in-stead of five the year before) also show that men in Queacutebec are get-ting the right information on sexual abuse and services and are being encouraged to look for help and engage in re-covery
If you are one of these men in Queacutebec we are waiting for your call Remember you are not alone
For the annual march event please visit wwwmarchevasca (Information for the May 2009 march will be on line from February 2009)
Quilt Square by a Native Child from Alberta From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 37
MaleSurvivor is men surviving sexual abuse in Canada we will start with Canadarsquos sad legacy of abuse of children by clergy
A Brief Incomplete Canadian History
In Canada our First Nations People have had to bear the legacy of abuse they endured in Canadarsquos notorious residential schools Cur-rent issues of addictions and family and mental health problems amongst our First Nations people can be traced back to the legacy of abuse experienced by Native chil-dren in residential schools
Around 1874 the federal government began working with the churches (Catholic Anglican United and Presbyte-rian) to set up the Residential School System as a means to suppress Native cul-ture and promote assimilation In gen-eral children between the ages of five and 16 were taken from their parents and sent to church-run residen-tial schools The extent of the abuse in these church-run schools has been referred to as the ldquoCanadian Holocaustrdquo Recently the Canadian Government formed the Truth and Reconciliation Commis-sion (TRC) as part of the court-approved Indian Residential Schools Settlement Agreement The
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious
Leader By Nancy N Mayer MSW RSW
Partner Crisci amp Mayer Consultation Counselling and
Training Toronto wwwckmconsultationcom
Introduction
L ikely all the readers of this newsletter have knowledge and expertise about men
being physically sexually and emotionally abused Research tells us that abusers can come from any
walk of life and most often are known to the child or adult In the last decade abuse by clergy has finally ldquocome out of the closetrdquo so to
speak thanks to those brave survi-vors who have made public their experiences of being abused by clergy More than ever survivor groups are encouraging victims to report these crimes to the police and to consider seeking civil re-dress for their injuries Many groups believe that change in churches will only come when they are held accountable for the abuse perpetrated by clergy
This article will attempt to address the distinctive issues that are com-mon to this population of survivors Because the focus of this issue of
purpose of the commission is not to determine guilt or innocence but to create an historical account of the residential schools help people to heal and encourage reconciliation between Aboriginal and non-aboriginal Canadians
The notorious Mount Cashel Or-phanage is another Canadian leg-acy of sexual abuse by clergy This facility was operated in Newfound-land by the Christian Brothers More than a dozen priests were convicted after decades of abusing young boys at the orphanage
Mount Cashel Or-phanage closed in 1989 just six months after allegations of sexual physical and emotional abuse were published by the media (For more in depth information see Harris Michael Unholy Orders Trag-edy at Mount Cashel Ontario Viking Press 1990)
Like the US there have been hundreds and perhaps thou-sands of cases of children and vulner-
able adults abused by clergy in every religious denomination Unlike the US our country is not bound as strictly by statutes of limitations so lawsuits can proceed more freely Our sentences for convicted clerical sex offenders are
(Continued on page 38)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Nancy N Mayer
ldquo[First Nations] children
between the ages of five
and 16 were taken from
their parents and sent to
church-run residential
schools The extent of
the abuse in these
church-run schools has
been referred to as the
lsquoCanadian Holocaustrsquoldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 38
nowhere near as severe as those of our American neighbours Most first offenders will not serve a day in jail The civil awards for personal inju-ries are also quite low Our court system promotes set-tling these cases out of court When a case fails to go to trial it is not part of the public re-cord The widespread use of confidentiality orders media fatigue and Canadian reserve means that it is impos-sible to obtain accurate statistics on how often men are abused by clergy or even the ex-tent of the problem in this country
The Authority of Rel igious Leaders Religious organizations have always played a central role in our so-cieties They provide moral ethical and spiritual guidance Reli-gious teachings have given us a context and meaning for our lives Most religious belief revolves around a divine power or God Religious leaders (ministers priests rabbis elders nuns) are thought to be Godrsquos earthly repre-sentatives and are treated with reverence and respect They have intimate involvement with families and children at such vulnerable times as an illness death or other family crises They may have access
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 37)
to confidential information by virtue of their roles of confessor or counsellor A child brought up by religious parents is taught to re-spect these men and women Oth-ers associated with churches mdash choir leaders teachers cantors youth group leaders mdash are also considered trustworthy by virtue of their close
association with their religious organizations Most parents en-courage their childrenrsquos participa-tion in church-based activities believing them to be safe and wholesome
These leaders are considered to be esteemed authorities and as repre-sentatives of God wield a great deal of power Depending on the faith group there may be teachings
that support an unquestioning adherence to their instructions and guidance This makes children and vulnerable adults particularly sus-ceptible to exploitation by this group because they have access opportunity and trust
Misuse of Power Perpetrators can utilize their positions of power and trust to gain access to their victims some-times for extended periods of uninterrupted time They may tell children that they are being asked to ldquoserve Godrdquo or that they or their families will be punished if they do not do as instructed Chil-dren may be threatened with eternal damnation or blamed for leading the religious leader into sin If the religion con-siders premarital sex or same sex contacts as sinful the guilt will be compounded
In most cases the victim will not disclose or may disclose but not be
believed A child will have a difficult time convincing adults that he or she has been victimized The vic-timrsquos family culture or communi-ties have been socialized to see their religious leaders as unques-tionably good and incapable of lies This can lead to others denying or minimizing the victimrsquos experience of abuse The victim is initially harmed by the abuser and then is revictimized by those who cannot
ldquoMay Hope be Passed through Every Handrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 39
institutionrsquos response and lack of compassion and pastoral care
The Impact on Spir ituality
The frequently used term ldquosoul murderrdquo aptly describes what hap-pens when the abuser is a religious leader When the response of the religious institu-tion to a disclosure of abuse is experienced as self-serving and uncaring the survivor will likely lose his faith in the religious community of which he has been a part To belong and to feel connected is a basic human need When abused by clergy the loss of connection and belonging to what may have been a spiritual anchor can be devastating
To compound the harm the abuse may have occurred in a religious building The abuser may have worn traditional cleri-cal attire or may have made religious or biblical refer-ences As a result being exposed to religious symbols music or any other reminder can trigger flashbacks and other uncomfortable physical symptoms
The cleric is often considered Godrsquos representative on earth This gives the cleric power that surpasses his position and status When abuse is at the hands of a minister nun
accept that their spiritual leaders are capable of abuse There are many stories of clergy abuse survi-vors being abandoned by their religious communities (who side with the cleric) and their families who cannot face leaving the church that has given their lives meaning and comfort The resultant feelings of betrayal and abandonment are profound
The Role of the Religious Inst itutions
When religious institutions hold themselves up as ethical compasses and arbitrators of right and wrong society has an expectation that church leaders will act in a fair and moral way Many US Commissions and Grand Juries and Canadian reports such as the Winter Com-mission Report (Archdiocese of St Johns Newfoundland Canada 1990) Child Abuse in Community Institutions and Organizations and Improving Public and Professional Understanding (prepared for the Law Commission of Canada) all record and explain the dynamics that have lead to the failure of religious institutions to protect our children
While it is well known that any institution mdash educational recrea-tional or spiritual mdash is not immune from having sex offenders in its midst the religious institutions have a particular legacy of protect-ing the institution through aggres-sive legal tactics versus truth telling and reconciliation Many victims state that they have been less wounded by the actual abuse and profoundly more damaged by the
priest rabbi minister or elder the recipient of the abuse may experi-ence profound guilt for ldquoparticipatingrdquo in ldquosinfulrdquo behaviour mdash a mistaken belief that he is respon-sible for the abuse or shame that
he has ldquosinnedrdquo He may believe he is deserving of rejection or eternal damnation If he confesses he risks exposing the cleric who has likely done what he could to trick the victim into believing that he must maintain silence and secrecy One survivor describes feeling that rdquoIt was like being abused by God him-self If even God couldnrsquot love me how could anyone else ever love merdquo
These factors alone can leave a man who has been abused by clergy unable to find comfort and solace in what used to be his spiritual beliefs and his church Without these familiar beliefs the survivor is aban-
doned and alone when he most needs support
The Role of Gender While woman are ordained in some denominations there is still an imbalance of power between men and women in many religious tradi-tions For boys and men abused by male clerics embarrassment and
(Continued on page 40)
ldquoThe frequently used
term lsquosoul murderrsquo aptly
describes what happens
when the abuser is a
religious leader When
the response of the
religious institution to a
disclosure of abuse is
experienced as self-
serving and uncaring
the survivor will likely
lose his faith in the
religious community of
which he has been
a partrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 40
concerns of how they will be per-ceived promote silence For the boy or man abused by a female cleric there may be worries that he will be labelled the seducer or pres-sured to consider this ldquorelationshiprdquo as non-abusive
The study conducted by the John Jay Col-lege of Criminal Jus-tice regarding The Nature and Scope of the Problem of Sexual Abuse of Minors by Priests and Deacons in the Catholic Church (Washington DC USCCB 2004) found some very disturbing information about the age and gender of victims The largest group of reported victims (509) was between the ages of 11 and 14 273 of victims were 15 to 17 16 were eight to 10 and nearly 6 were under age seven Overall 81 of vic-tims were male and 19 female Male victims tended to be older than female victims Over 40 of all victims were males between the ages of 11 and 14
The largest group of reported victims in this study consisted of boys who were entering puberty This is a tumultuous time in most
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 39)
young menrsquos lives To have this period of development disrupted can contribute to many mental health problems including lack of confidence disruption of emo-tional sexual and psycho-social development isolation sexual identity confusion depression anxiety and abuse of substances
In Summary The harm experienced by those
who are abused by clergy is profound and multifaceted Some therapists will not want to work with survivors of clergy abuse due to the complexity of their issues their limited knowledge of the subject area possible religious biases and potential for litigation Most (but certainly not all) survivors will have experienced revictimization by their churches or religious institutions This compounded by abuse by a religious leader in a position of power will under-standably lead to unique challenges Survivors will have
significant trust issues that can impede the forming of a trusting therapeutic relationship with a therapist who will also be in a position of power and may be an employee of an institution With transparency and skill on the part of the therapist and tenacity on the part of the survivor effective thera-
peutic partnership can be achieved While recovery is difficult it is possible
The irony is that many survivors of abuse by clergy have a strong sense of integrity morality and perseverance They learned the lessons that the ldquoreligiousrdquo offend-ers failed to learn At the core of their beings these clergy abuse survivors are the prophets who have come to speak the truth and reveal the abuse and the decep-tions It is this desire for social justice truth telling belonging and connection that will allow a healthy spiritual belief system to rise out of the ashes of what has happened It is this healthy spiritual belief that makes many clergy abuse survivors persistent and tenacious in seeking recovery and social justice They are making a difference and chang-ing the world as we know it
ldquoThe harm experienced
by those who are
abused by clergy is
profound and
multifaceted Some
therapists will not want
to work with survivors
of clergy abuse due to
the complexity of their
issues their limited
knowledge of the
subject area possible
religious biases and
potential for litigationldquo
February 2009
Page 41
tion of it earlier in the lsquo90s but 1997 is when there was a critical mass of mostly male survivors coming forward and taking action against Maple Leaf Gardens Your question specifically was ldquoDid it play a role in my choice of ca-reersrdquo
MS Yes
SJ Yes and no The Maple Leaf
Gardens cases were not my first sexual assault cases but my in-volvement in these cases solidified my interest and desire to help sur-vivors
MS Could you take a few minutes to explain to our readers just what the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal was and why it has played a central role in revealing the extent of sex-ual abuse at least in the Toronto area
of my clients will say something like ldquoYou know this is not about the money I donrsquot care how much I get this is about something elserdquo And whatever that person seeks mdash an apology or the empowerment of filing a lawsuit or a million other unique things mdash that is why I do this kind of work Itrsquos about helping people through whatever process they need in order to begin that healing process the moving forward process
MS And also to provide your clients with a sense of justice
SJ Absolutely Justice is really not about the money itrsquos about the knowledge that theyrsquove come forward theyrsquove done something and theyrsquove empowered themselves It takes a tre-mendous amount of courage to do that I am always in awe of my cli-ents for the amount of courage they have They are my inspiration
MS Many Americans are unaware of the so-called Maple Leaf Gar-dens sex scandal that began some-time in the 1960s but didnrsquot come to wide public attention until 1997 the year after you began practicing law Did this scandal have some affect on your choice of career
SJ Actually the scandal did come to prominence before 1997 There was scattered media atten-
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 1)
SJ Sure There was a series of men who were employed at Maple Leaf Gardens which was the home of the Toronto Maple Leafs mdash the hockey club mdash who over a period of a couple of decades sexually abused probably hundreds of chil-dren It started in the lsquo60s it went on we believe until the early lsquo80s There were two principal men in-volved but there were at least three
others who also were ac-cused In order to under-stand why the Maple Leaf Gardens sex scandals are as important as they are you have to understand that hockey in Toronto and hockey in Canada is almost a religion Hockey is to Canadians what the NFL or Major League Baseball is to Americans Every little boy dreams of about becoming the next Wayne Gretzky becoming the best hockey player he can be Maple Leaf Gar-dens was the home of one of the best loved and biggest hockey teams mdash the Toronto Maple Leafs The Gardens was the high
temple of hockey in Canada and still is In the lsquo60s lsquo70s and even the lsquo80s children mdash mostly boys mdash would go to Maple Leaf Gardens usually unaccompanied by their parents because back then nobody really thought that anything bad would happen to them at the Gar-dens The boys would go there ei-ther for practice games or to watch the Maple Leafs play or more likely they would go to watch To-
(Continued on page 42)
ldquoMaple Leaf Gardens in Memory of Martin Kruzerdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 42
ronto Marlies games The Marlies were the farm team for the Toronto Maple Leafs During these games and these practices the pedophiles who worked at the Gardenrsquos would often befriend these boys seeking out boys who were more vulner-able than others most likely and would sexually assault the boys sometimes off-property but most often within the Gardens itself They would use their position as employees of the Gardens to be able to say to the boys if you come with me Irsquoll get you a broken hockey stick or hockey puck or Irsquoll get you into better seats the next game or whatever other type of inducement would be necessary to get the boys to go with them into either a washroom or a training room or other private place where the boys would be sexually abused
In 1997 there were about 50 or 60 cases all joined to-gether and Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Entertainment Ltd wanted to settle all the cases prior to the Toronto Maple Leafs moving into a new hockey rink called the Air Canada Center so as to have a clean slate at the new rink By and large a lot of the litigation was fin-ished before the team moved into the Air Canada Center but not all of it In fact there are probably 17 or 19 cases going through the court
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 41)
system today more than 10 years after the original large group of plaintiffs went through the court and I believe that new people will continue to come forward when they are strong enough
MS I understand that one of the principal plaintiffs in the case Mar-tin Kruze had settled with the owners or the operators of the Ma-ple Leaf Gardens in 1995 and that he signed a confidentiality agree-ment not to reveal the settlement
or perhaps even the details of what had happened to him Do you think that the confidentiality agree-ment Mr Kruze agreed to slowed down or hindered the full exposure of this scandal
SJ I think that any confidentiality agreement blocks public access to knowledge and to understanding so I do suspect that Martinrsquos confi-dentiality agreement did have some impact on the scandal re-
maining hidden for as long as it did Absolutely yes I believe that confidentiality agreements are in-herently difficult for plaintiffs be-cause they create and continue a cycle of secrecy Sexual assault is a crime that is almost always carried out in secret and the guilt and shame it produces is key in helping pedophiles maintain their hold over their victims Putting a confidential-ity agreement on a settlement just perpetuates the guilt and the shame
MS Unfortunately Martin Kruzersquos principal perpetrator received a shockingly light sen-tence for all his actions and I understand that this led to Martin com-mitting suicide shortly afterwards
SJ I would think that the perpetratorrsquos sentence was a part of why Martin chose to end his life yes It hap-pened relatively shortly after the sentencing and I suspect that it weighed heavily on Martinrsquos decision
MS Do you think that the sen-tence that the perpetrator received was a reflection of the then current attitude towards pedophiles and sexual abuse
SJ The sentence that the perpe-trator received was a reflection on the way that the Canadian justice system deals with criminals regard-ing personal crimes absolutely It was a very low sentence in keep-
Imants Kruze visiting his sonrsquos memorial quilt square in the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 43
obtain here versus how much they can obtain in the United States In the United States there is no cap for pain and suffering awards whereas here in Canada there is a very small cap mdash about $325000 If a survivor of sexual assault goes through the court system and even if they have a very good day in court in terms of compensation yoursquore probably looking at an award for dam-ages somewhere be-tween $200000 and $500000 Sometimes itrsquos actually less than $200000 and very very rarely more than $500000 so in that sense we are defi-nitely behind But I donrsquot think itrsquos a question of waiting 10 years to see if we ldquocatch uprdquo I think itrsquos just a fundamental difference in how our court system works and whatrsquos available to survivors in terms of compensation
If you mean that Canada is 10 years behind in dealing with other aspects of sexual assault then you are probably correct in terms of media attention public awareness and outrage Sexual assault is still largely an unreported unprose-cuted crime But things are getting better every day and as more and more survivors come forward posi-tive changes will continue to hap-pen
MS As Irsquom sure you know therersquos periodic discussion about tort re-
ing with what was handed out at the time and to a large extent itrsquos still in keeping with what is handed out right now
MS Are you still representing or have you represented anyone who is a plaintiff in this scandal
SJ I was very much involved in the core group of Maple Leaf Gar-dens survivors that came forward in 1997 I was on what was called the plaintiffsrsquo committee back then which was a group of a few lawyers who brought the litigation forward I represented a number of plaintiffs in the original group that came forward I have also represented quite a few men throughout the last 10 years and currently repre-sent two men in the last group of plaintiffs to come forward I have also been approached by at least two other men who may decide to pursue litigation
MS Dale English mdash who has spo-ken to you at some length mdash has said to me that either you or he or both of you have felt that Canada is perhaps 10 or more years behind the US in dealing with the issues of sexual abuse and sexual assault Could you elaborate on that com-ment
SJ I think it depends on what you mean by dealing with the is-sues If you mean dealing with the issues in terms of bringing civil cases forward to a certain extent we are behind One of the funda-mental differences between the United States and Canada is the way that our tort systems operate and specifically the amount of compensation that tort victims can
form in the United States mainly aimed at capping punitive dam-ages Irsquom wondering whether there is the mirror of that in Canada mdash whether therersquos any movement to-wards tort reform that would allow greater awards to victims
SJ Well there is and there isnrsquot In Canada itrsquos very difficult if not
impossible to get pu-nitive damages espe-cially if therersquos a criminal conviction The punitive damages that are available in Canada are very low A typical punitive damage award would be $20000 or $25000 - usually not much more than that So damages are quite restricted here in any event In terms of tort reform I think there is a global push by in-surance companies to
try to limit compensation whether in the States or here The things that the American Association of Justice are fighting for down in the States are the same things that the Ontario Trial Lawyers Association are fighting for here mdash the continued ability to sue for compensation un-hampered by legislative roadblocks benefitting powerful institutional defendants to the detriment of those who have suffered Ours is a much smaller playing field and therefore less money is at stake In terms of plaintiffsrsquo lawyers wersquore trying to maximize the compensa-tion that we can get for our client Every time we go to court we try
(Continued on page 44)
ldquoIf you mean that
Canada is 10 years
behind in dealing with
other aspects of sexual
assault then you are
probably correct in
terms of media
attention public
awareness and outrageldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 44
to get a higher damage award so that that case will be a building block for future cases There are always attempts to try to circum-vent the cap on pain and suffering damages that we have Itrsquos not an easy thing to do the cap has been in place in Canada for 32 years now It was put in place in 1977 by the Supreme Court of Canada and itrsquos unlikely to be overturned any-time soon Even though from a purely theoretical legal analysis that cap does not apply to pain and suffering damages for victims of sexual assault and sexual abuse the reality is that judges still use that cap as a high water mark even though it doesnrsquot formally apply mdash it is still a de facto cap and to be honest with you it is almost impos-sible to get anywhere near that cap for compensation for pain and suf-fering A typical pain and suffering award in Canada for childhood sex-ual abuse is somewhere between $100000 and $200000 Anything on top of that would be associated economic loss or care costs
MS Itrsquos quite unfortunate that even though therersquos no real cap the law behaves as if there were one
SJ Yep I couldnrsquot agree with you more Itrsquos very unfortunate
MS I understand that in 2005 the government of Ontario convened whatrsquos known as the Cornwall Pub-lic Inquiry Was the Inquiry con-vened to address the issues of sex-ual abuse and sexual assault and
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 43)
the way the justice system is han-dling it
SJ Thatrsquos probably one of the reasons the Inquiry was convened Thatrsquos one of the hopes The In-quiry was convened because of what was going on in a little city east of Toronto mdash a series of allega-tions against very prominent mem-bers of that community involving the sexual abuse of children over a period of many many years The idea behind the Inquiry is to try to figure out what happened and to put in place some recommenda-tions that will not only stop some-thing like the abuse in Cornwall from happening again but will also try to help those who were affected by the events in the first place And to some extent I think some good will come of the Inquiry Hopefully the recommendations will be good for survivors of childhood sexual abuse or any kind of sexual assault The Submission phase of the In-quiry officially ended late February 2009
MS Did you have the opportunity to testify before the Inquiry
SJ I did not personally testify before the Inquiry Testimony was generally limited to the people ac-tually involved mdash police officers vic-tims what not I was involved in the Inquiry with regards to a panel discussionroundtable that they had regarding the use of confiden-tiality agreements
MS As you probably know Male-Survivor was first founded in the early 1980s by a group of thera-pists who were concerned about support for victims of childhood
sexual abuse and although Male-Survivor is still not a very large or-ganization it has increased its in-fluence significantly over the years and Irsquom wondering whether there is a similar non-profit or other group in Canada that also is dedi-cated to helping victims of child-hood sexual abuse
SJ There are some grass roots organizations that deal with victims of childhood sexual abuse or adult sexual assault I donrsquot believe there is as cohesive a unit as MaleSurvi-vor I may be wrong on that but there are smaller more community based organizations that assist sur-vivors That being said resources available to survivors are unfortu-nately pretty limited
MS Is that because there are too few therapists in that form of prac-tice
SJ I think itrsquos a mixture of many different things First of all Canada has a much smaller population base mdash 30 million people as com-pared to 300 million in the United States mdash so you have significantly fewer people affected and there-fore you have significantly fewer resources available to those people The services that we do have will often have very long waiting lists before people can access them There are some very very good counselors in Canada assisting sur-vivors but unfortunately the waiting lists are sometimes long and the availability for public funding to provide services free of charge is somewhat limited
MS Is there anything in your opinion about the Canadian health
February 2009
Page 45
system that contributes to the scar-city of services
SJ I donrsquot know if itrsquos the Cana-dian health system I think that in Canada we have a pretty good public health system in the sense that anybody who needs medical services can access those services free of charge The problem is that a lot of these services are not covered under our health system per se Many are covered under either private plans or pay as you go type services and itrsquos just a question of finding the people who can provide these services and being lucky enough to get them when they either donrsquot have a waiting list or other-wise having to wait until your name comes up on that waiting list
MS And that could takes years in some cases it seems
SJ My understanding is that those waiting lists can be quite long but there are very good peo-ple out there Itrsquos just a question of finding them and being able to afford them
MS Can you elaborate on other differences between the US and Canada that affect the way survi-vors and perpetrators are treated by the legal system and the media
SJ The differences between Can-ada and the US are really huge On the surface Americans and Canadi-ans look pretty much the same dress the same talk the same eat the same foods and by and large watch the same TV but culturally there is a huge difference in the way we look at the world in the
way our legal system works and the way that people interact with one another
Americans are much more litigious by na-ture I think this is due to the fact that in the United States mdash at least as seen from the outside mdash the rights of the individual are paramount In Can-ada less so Canada is much more commu-nity-oriented We of-tentimes think about how something is going to affect others instead of looking at what an individual might be entitled to I think that the high
damage awards available through the American legal system are beneficial in sexual abuse cases as is the lack of a cap on awards which we have
In some ways though our legal system is much better for my cli-ents than the US system would be because of the way that our actual process works One of the things that I know is very damaging to a lot of plaintiffs in the United States is the whole discovery process tak-
ing depositions Depositions can go on for a huge number of days and pretty much everybody in the per-sonrsquos life can be called to give a deposition That is very troubling and painful for people who donrsquot necessarily want others to know about their abuse or donrsquot want to involve their family Here in Canada depositions mdash or what we call the examination for discovery mdash are lim-ited to the actual named parties in the lawsuit The defendant and the plaintiff are examined for discovery or deposed if you will Anyone who is not an actual party to the litiga-tion can only be discovered under court orders and itrsquos very difficult to get those court orders so in that sense itrsquos a much quicker cleaner process and less intrusive on some-onersquos life So that is probably a good thing
The other really huge difference between the two systems which I think does in fact impact on why a lot of these cases settle as opposed to going to court and oftentimes settle for very different amounts of money than they would if they went to court is that in Canada we have a ldquoloser paysrdquo system If you go to court and you lose you have to pay at least a portion of the fees incurred by the other side Letrsquos say the defendantrsquos settlement offer is $100000 If the plaintiff does not accept that $100000 and at trial the plaintiff gets $99000 then the plaintiff has to pay the lawyerrsquos fees of the defendant because the award is less than the settlement offer That is very difficult That means that a lot of cases are set-tled for probably less money than
(Continued on page 46)
ldquoOn the surface
Americans and
Canadians look pretty
much the same hellip but
culturally there is a
huge difference in the
way we look at the
world in the way our
legal system works and
the way that people
interact with one
anotherldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 46
MS I join you in that hope Any-thing that can advance the cause of not only helping people but also helping prevent further abuses is always going to be welcome If you could set forth a vision of how you would like to see the law and the therapeutic community in Canada evolve to handle matters of child-
hood sexual abuse and sexual assault mdash if you could influence the reform of institu-tions what would your vision be
SJ Oh Richard Wow Well first and foremost I would love to raise public aware-ness of this issue for various reasons I think that increased public awareness will not necessarily reduce the instances of abuse but will help improve how abuse is dealt with when itrsquos ongoing and after-wards Itrsquos very im-portant that when a child is hurt that
child knows that he can go to peo-ple for help and support All too often if kids get up enough cour-age to tell someone the reaction they get is not very positive I think that with increased public aware-ness hopefully people will under-stand that there are ways to deal with this that will decrease the amount of harm so public aware-ness is paramount
I would like the legal system to raise compensation awards for sur-
turning point in bringing to the publicrsquos attention that the sexual assault of children can happen does happen and itrsquos a very diffi-cult thing for anyone to go through whether theyrsquore little boys or grown men that were abused as children It brought childhood sex-ual abuse out of the shadows to a certain extent The scandal still garners media attention as new survivors come forward but not the same as it did 10 years ago
MS Would you say that the lack of inves-tigative reporting is a cultural phenomenon or is it that the news-papers donrsquot feel they have that role
SJ Oh no Canadian newspapers do feel that they have a role in investigating things but for whatever rea-son sexual abuse of children has not been a priority The Cana-dian media really has not been at the forefront of this issue the way the media in the United States has been and I think that is tremen-dously disappointing The lack of media attention means that we arenrsquot fostering the awareness within the public that we need in order to provide real help and ser-vices for survivors We need the mediarsquos help to bring this horrific crime to light and to help stop it from happening
they would get if they went to court because that risk of going to court and not getting at least the amount of the original offer weighs heavily on everyone Our system is designed and geared toward avoid-ing trials which can be good be-cause nobody really wants to go through a trial but can be bad be-cause people become very intimi-dated by the prospect of losing or not getting as much as the settle-ment offer and being indebted to the defendant for a lot of money Thatrsquos a scary scary thing to go through
With regards to the media the US has a media that by and large has helped out a lot with sexual abuse cases The whole issue of clergy abuse really started with investiga-tive reporting by the Boston Globe right
MS Right
SJ They really took that issue and just ran with it Here in Canada we really havenrsquot had the same kind of investigative media cover-age as yoursquove had which is why events like the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal are not as huge as they are down in the States
Before Martin Kruze committed sui-cide the media was only somewhat interested in the Maple Leaf Gar-dens scandal Martin Kruze was a figure because he had sued the Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Com-plex But after he committed sui-cide the media was really galva-nized and that was probably a
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 45)
ldquoThe lack of media
attention means that we
arenrsquot fostering the
awareness within the
public that we need in
order to provide real
help and services for
survivors We need the
mediarsquos help to bring
this horrific crime to
light and to help stop it
from happeningrdquo
February 2009
Page 47
ments but it canrsquot at this stage really happen through the courts
I would want there to be an ability for institutions or perpetrators mdash de-fendants mdash to look beyond mere dollars and cents and look toward healing the person that they have hurt either directly or indirectly All too often in these cases we really become tied up in the legal minu-tiae of things as opposed to defen-dants saying ldquoOK letrsquos step back here and letrsquos try to helprdquo
I wish that there were a real under-standing that these cases are not car accident cases and they should
not be treated as car accident cases My clients are not people whorsquove broken a leg and therefore need X amount of dollars in order to pay for medical services or whatnot And unfortu-nately that doesnrsquot necessarily happen
In terms of the thera-peutic community I would love to see counseling and therapy ses-sions be paid for through the pub-lic purse so that people who re-quire the services of highly-skilled counselors and therapists and psy-chologists can access those services without having to pay for them A lot of clients just donrsquot have the economic means to pay for such services until after they get a set-tlement and that could take years It would be wonderful to see those kinds of services funded the same way as a trip to the emergency room or a trip to your family doc-tor for a cold is funded Irsquod love to
vivors The amount of damage that can be done as a result of child-hood abuse or in fact any kind of sexual assault is tremendous It affects almost every aspect of someonersquos life It becomes inter-generational because it affects the people around the survivor and compensation awards are still very much a pale reflection of what is needed in order to help these peo-ple I hope that at some point our judges and our legislature under-stand that need and can corre-spondingly give appropriate and reasonable damage awards so that people can start to rebuild their lives in a meaningful way
I would love there to be an opportunity within our civil system for more than just compensation At this stage the only thing that a civil judge can do is award monetary compensation There are a lot of creative things that you can do within a settlement that are not purely fi-nancial that can give a lot of sol-ace to someone who has been abused whether that be in the form of some non-financial healing whether it be in the form of a situation where somebody can con-front their abuser if thatrsquos what they wish to do in a safe setting or whether itrsquos the ability for that sur-vivor to do something outside of pure simple dollars and put for-ward some sort of healing plan that is as individual as they are That can happen through settle-
be able to see that I think that that would go a long way to helping people earlier rather than later
Ultimately I wish that this situation didnrsquot exist anymore and I would be put out of business frankly
MS Well I can certainly sympa-thize with the way you feel but it would seem that you have a career ahead of you dealing with this problem
SJ Unfortunately I think you are right I think that instances of child-hood sexual abuse are not neces-sarily going down I think that insti-tutions are getting a little bit better at putting in place policies and sometimes even following their own policies to stop pedophiles from entering those institutions and preying on people that those insti-tutions are theoretically set up to serve but I think that as long as the problem of childhood sexual abuse is with us I will be out there trying to help anybody that I can
MS Is there anything else yoursquod like to say to our readers
SJ I think that organizations such as MaleSurvivor are imperative in helping people understand that they are not alone that itrsquos not their fault and there are ways to get help So hats off to an organi-zation such as yours The clients I have who are involved in your or-ganization are very very well served so I have to thank you for being a resource
MS Thank you very much for your kind comments and for your time Simona
ldquoUltimately I wish that
this situation didnrsquot exist
anymore and I would be
put out of business
franklyrdquo
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-
February 2009
Page 33
Maybe not I prefer to think that I have shown them that there is hope There is life in being a survi-vor they donrsquot have to be held hostage any longer by a secret that was put upon them by an abuser I prefer to think that I have been able to show them that they do not have to be ashamed for being male When I speak with them Irsquom a straight shooter I calls rsquoem as I sees lsquoem I use words they can understand mdash street language mdash which helps them understand their bodies and to understand that Mother Nature made them to be reactive and responsive I tell them that simply because their bodies reacted that their bodies re-sponded while being abused did not make the abuse their fault It takes a while to get there at times But the relief when the penny drops and they realize that they themselves were in no way respon-sible for the abuse is quite remark-able
Just this week Irsquove been working with a man who actually smiled when he came into my office He said ldquoI finally get it It wasnrsquot my faultrdquo He then went on to tell me that immediately prior to his at-tending in my office he had just disclosed to his sister while on the phone in his jail area surrounded by other inmates While it was perhaps not the safest venue for a disclosure he made his own deci-sion He said he was taking control As a 35 year old this man has not been in control since he was first abused at age seven Subsequent abuse only reinforced for him that he was an object a thing not worth anything Relationship after relationship failed him as he con-tinued to relive issues of abandon-
there are over 6000 people regis-tered at MS and that when they get out they will find tremendous support at the MS website I can tell them about Weekends of Re-covery without disclosing that attending a WOR was one of the best things I have done with my life They will know that they are no longer alone And not once has anyone asked me directly about me If they did I could not reply which in a round about way is a reply But I cannot reply Why The institution that I work in can be as intolerant of differences and diver-sity as the inmates are of each other The whole notion of male abuse and assault simply does not exist It is not spoken of It will not be spoken of mdash until now
Because abuse is now spoken of I have been able to create a support network for inmates and for myself Itrsquos a small step but a step never-theless Itrsquos spoken of now at a level never before reached in terms of official support and direction Support has yet to be defined but I have a mandate now to do a better job for male survivors Itrsquos on paper Itrsquos my goal
Safety of all concerned has to remain first and foremost mdash safety for the inmate safety for me With inmates disclosing to me often for the first time I am struck by what happens next A huge can of worms is opened And for what There is little safety here little opportunity to follow up The court system tosses these men around like dice One day they are here the next they are God knows where Have I done something that perhaps I shouldnrsquot have Maybe
ment physical and sexual abuse sexual orientation confusion anger management substance abuse domestic violence self respect low self esteem boundaries mdash these and much more impact upon this man daily But hersquos making a start Itrsquos another chance We all need them
I would be remiss to not mention the support of my colleagues Some of them do know about me and they have been tremendously supportive and understanding They too share a belief that it is possible for men to become survivors I cannot imagine doing this work everyday without their ongoing support I love you guys
The resources I refer to are few the Menrsquos Project in Ottawa The Gate-house in Toronto as well as local sexual assault centres I discovered on my own road to recovery that our local sexual assault centre does in fact offer services to men but does not advertise this due to the fear of being inundated with refer-rals They simply are not equipped to handle what surely lies out in my community When the report of the Cornwall Inquiry comes out later this year it is my belief that it will force our government our society to re-examine how its treatment of boys and men is provided Hope-fully those who are like I was feeling alone fearful uncomfortable in their own skin will feel more enabled to come forward to shed that skin that was put on them by their abuser(s) and step out of the ordinary letting their souls ascend and become free
Vol 2 No 2
Page 34
A History of Male Survi-vor Services in Queacutebec
and First Nations Communities
By Caroline Benamza (dance and drama therapistpsychotherapist at CRIPHASE)
And by Benoicirct St Jean (Director of CRIPHASE)
Contact Tel +1-514-529-55-67 Email infocriphaseorg
Website wwwcriphaseorg
T he latest statistics in Queacutebec show that one out of every six men has been sexually
abused before the age of 18 but there are very few statistics regard-ing male survivors and this estima-tion is only based on reported abuse Most adult men or boys who are survivors go unnoticed because most of the services in Queacutebec are exclusively for women In 2008 the male population in Queacutebec was about 3800000 of which about 3000000 are above 20 years of age (from the Institut de la Statistique) Therefore we can estimate that in Queacutebec there are around 500000 male survivors actually visible within the different health care services justice system and police departments The num-ber is already frightening for a seemingly peaceful society like Queacutebec When it comes to Native American communities as many as 80 of boys have been sexually abused before the age of 18 This number is quite similar mdash but for different reasons mdash to the male population within the Federal or Provincial prisons
The reality of male survivors of sexual abuse in childhood has remained in the dark for years in Queacutebec and it is only in the last four years that the government has acknowledged the necessity of funding counseling services for male survivors Historically it can be explained The first services for survivors have been developed since the 1960s within the very strong Queacutebeacutecois feminist move-ments The women have built along the years a strong network of ser-vices for female vic-tims of sexual abuse and domestic vio-lence Today these services still exist as the CALACS (Centres dAide et de Lutte contre les Agressions agrave Caractegravere Sexuel = Sexual Assault Cen-tres) network for survivors of sexual abuse Due to a strong belief in pro-viding a safe haven for women survivors men were turned away from these services and had nowhere to go Only two survivorsrsquo centres in the Montreal area outside the CALACS network welcomed men but those men represent only 5 of clients
This situation became obvious when the CAVAC (Centre drsquoAide pour les Victime drsquoActes Criminels = Crime Victims Assistance Centres) started to provide counseling ser-
vices to victims of criminal acts who wished to press charges and go through a court procedure The first services in Queacutebec for male survivors therefore came from a strong need in the society In 1996 the CAVAC decided to fund an experimental program directed by Denis Reneacute to offer a support group for male survivors This program was named the PHASE Groups (Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = For Men Sexually Abused in Child-
hood) With the suc-cess of these first groups between 1996 and 1997 the CAVAC of Montreal tried to secure funding for the continuation of services Unfortu-nately the PHASE Groups suffered from the double status it carried within the government the Minister of Justice that was the main funder of the CAVAC refused to fund a counseling service supposedly to be funded by the Health Minister Later the Health Minister turned down the
funding because as part of CAVAC the program should have been funded by the Minister of Justice
So it was in 1997 that Denis Reneacute decided to secure the future of the PHASE Groups by registering them
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoWhen it comes to
Native American
communities as many
as 80 of boys have
been sexually abused
before the age of 18
This number is quite
similarmdashbut for different
reasonsmdashto the male
population within the
Federal or Provincial
prisonsrdquo
February 2009
Page 35
intimacy and sexuality issues) and PHASE Artistique (a 10 weeks art and movement therapy program) with a holistic approach to body and mind recovery
In 2008 the very first weekend of recovery (named PHASE Weekend) was created and CRIPHASE wishes to make the weekend an annual event In 2003 for the first time
CRIPHASE became a full member of the Table de Concertation en Agressions Sexuelles (a gathering of several organizations providing services to survivors in addition to representatives from the Justice the Health Minister and the police) This cooperation allows a better understanding of survivor issues and needs as well as a better coor-
within a non-profit organization that took the name CRIPHASE (Centre de Resources et drsquointervention Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = Resource and Intervention Centre for Men who have been Sexually Abused in Childhood) For 10 years the Groups have survived on pri-vate funding and have provided two recovery Groups called PHASE 1 and PHASE 2 Each PHASE is a 10-week program serving non-offending male survivors over 18 years of age and of all sexual orienta-tions With its first public funding in 2004 of $38000 a director was en-gaged by the board of administration and in 2008 the PSOC (a funding body within the agency of Health and Social Services) fi-nally secured the future of CRIPHASE with a first major funding rooting CRIPHASE in the circle of sexual abuse survivors centres
Since 2006 CRIPHASE has devel-oped a major politics of visibility through the media conferences and meetings with the different actors of the Queacutebeacutecois stage Three more programs have been developed within CRIPHASE PHASE Conjoint (for partners of male survivors) PHASE Sexo (a 10 weeks program of recovery focusing on
dination of services on the ground From within the Table CRIPHASE has been able to educate people on the issue of male survivors and participate or initiate projects such as the Information Guide for Sexual Assault Victims and the first pre-vention mobilization and aware-ness march for sexual abuse survi-vors in 2008 The presence of CRIPHASE at the Table has also
allowed the feminists within the CALACS to have a better under-standing of the suffer-ing of male survivors who are also victims in their own way of an old patriarchal system CRIPHASE was also finally incorporated in the CALACS coordina-tion groupmdashcalled Table des CALACS mdash in 2008
Until 2008 there were no services provided in English (Queacutebec is a French-speaking province where Eng-lish speakers are a minority) due to lack of funding to translate the PHASE 1 docu-ments and employ English-speaking therapists The project
to offer groups in English had been put aside for years but finally in 2008 the first groups of PHASE 1 and 2 opened for English speakers The PHASE Artistique and PHASE Weekend are now bilingual pro-grams
(Continued on page 36)
Phone calls received at CRIPHASE
male survivors
therapists
relatives and loved ones
other
The average male survivor using the services at CRIPHASE is aged between 35 and 55
Vol 2 No 2
Page 36
Male survivors in the Native American
communities Recovery programs within Native American communities are only starting Many Native American men were sexually abused as well as psychologically and emotionally abused when they were sent to boarding schools across the province for assimila-tion The effects of this traumatic experience (including historic trauma) can be seen in all First Nations of Queacutebec Algonquians Cris Innus Abenakis Innuits Micmacs and so forth Today there is a strong need of heal-ing for this lost gen-eration but traumatic experiences and con-sequences have been passed on to the next generations Unfortu-nately sexual abuse is one of these problems which need to be addressed through prevention and coun-seling in a way that will integrate Native American traditions and their holistic ap-proach to medicine Such programs already exist within some communi-ties Organizations like GRIPMA (Groupe de Recherches et dInter-ventions Psychosociales en Milieu Autochtone = Research and Inter-vention group in Aboriginal Com-munities) located in the Huron
History of Male Survivor Services (Continued from page 35)
community of Wendake (near Queacute-bec city) provide a clinical expertise in intervention within Native Ameri-can communities On the other side the Aboriginal Healing Foun-dation based in Ottawa is currently funding 16 recovery projects for the First Nations in Queacutebec ad-dressing sexual abuse addiction prevention of suicide boarding schools trauma etc until 2010
Last year the publication of the five-year funding plan on sexual abuse by the provincial govern-ment of Queacutebec has seen the recognition of male survivors as a population in great need of ser-vices It has also recognized the necessity of providing services to the First Nations communities
Things are changing in Queacutebec for male survivors Because CRIPHASE is the only organization providing support and counseling to men in Queacutebec who have been sexually abused in childhood there is great hope for an increase of funding this year The constant develop-ment of CRIPHASE and the increase in phone calls and numbers of guys within the services (in 2008-
2009 there will be seven groups of PHASE 1 in-stead of five the year before) also show that men in Queacutebec are get-ting the right information on sexual abuse and services and are being encouraged to look for help and engage in re-covery
If you are one of these men in Queacutebec we are waiting for your call Remember you are not alone
For the annual march event please visit wwwmarchevasca (Information for the May 2009 march will be on line from February 2009)
Quilt Square by a Native Child from Alberta From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 37
MaleSurvivor is men surviving sexual abuse in Canada we will start with Canadarsquos sad legacy of abuse of children by clergy
A Brief Incomplete Canadian History
In Canada our First Nations People have had to bear the legacy of abuse they endured in Canadarsquos notorious residential schools Cur-rent issues of addictions and family and mental health problems amongst our First Nations people can be traced back to the legacy of abuse experienced by Native chil-dren in residential schools
Around 1874 the federal government began working with the churches (Catholic Anglican United and Presbyte-rian) to set up the Residential School System as a means to suppress Native cul-ture and promote assimilation In gen-eral children between the ages of five and 16 were taken from their parents and sent to church-run residen-tial schools The extent of the abuse in these church-run schools has been referred to as the ldquoCanadian Holocaustrdquo Recently the Canadian Government formed the Truth and Reconciliation Commis-sion (TRC) as part of the court-approved Indian Residential Schools Settlement Agreement The
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious
Leader By Nancy N Mayer MSW RSW
Partner Crisci amp Mayer Consultation Counselling and
Training Toronto wwwckmconsultationcom
Introduction
L ikely all the readers of this newsletter have knowledge and expertise about men
being physically sexually and emotionally abused Research tells us that abusers can come from any
walk of life and most often are known to the child or adult In the last decade abuse by clergy has finally ldquocome out of the closetrdquo so to
speak thanks to those brave survi-vors who have made public their experiences of being abused by clergy More than ever survivor groups are encouraging victims to report these crimes to the police and to consider seeking civil re-dress for their injuries Many groups believe that change in churches will only come when they are held accountable for the abuse perpetrated by clergy
This article will attempt to address the distinctive issues that are com-mon to this population of survivors Because the focus of this issue of
purpose of the commission is not to determine guilt or innocence but to create an historical account of the residential schools help people to heal and encourage reconciliation between Aboriginal and non-aboriginal Canadians
The notorious Mount Cashel Or-phanage is another Canadian leg-acy of sexual abuse by clergy This facility was operated in Newfound-land by the Christian Brothers More than a dozen priests were convicted after decades of abusing young boys at the orphanage
Mount Cashel Or-phanage closed in 1989 just six months after allegations of sexual physical and emotional abuse were published by the media (For more in depth information see Harris Michael Unholy Orders Trag-edy at Mount Cashel Ontario Viking Press 1990)
Like the US there have been hundreds and perhaps thou-sands of cases of children and vulner-
able adults abused by clergy in every religious denomination Unlike the US our country is not bound as strictly by statutes of limitations so lawsuits can proceed more freely Our sentences for convicted clerical sex offenders are
(Continued on page 38)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Nancy N Mayer
ldquo[First Nations] children
between the ages of five
and 16 were taken from
their parents and sent to
church-run residential
schools The extent of
the abuse in these
church-run schools has
been referred to as the
lsquoCanadian Holocaustrsquoldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 38
nowhere near as severe as those of our American neighbours Most first offenders will not serve a day in jail The civil awards for personal inju-ries are also quite low Our court system promotes set-tling these cases out of court When a case fails to go to trial it is not part of the public re-cord The widespread use of confidentiality orders media fatigue and Canadian reserve means that it is impos-sible to obtain accurate statistics on how often men are abused by clergy or even the ex-tent of the problem in this country
The Authority of Rel igious Leaders Religious organizations have always played a central role in our so-cieties They provide moral ethical and spiritual guidance Reli-gious teachings have given us a context and meaning for our lives Most religious belief revolves around a divine power or God Religious leaders (ministers priests rabbis elders nuns) are thought to be Godrsquos earthly repre-sentatives and are treated with reverence and respect They have intimate involvement with families and children at such vulnerable times as an illness death or other family crises They may have access
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 37)
to confidential information by virtue of their roles of confessor or counsellor A child brought up by religious parents is taught to re-spect these men and women Oth-ers associated with churches mdash choir leaders teachers cantors youth group leaders mdash are also considered trustworthy by virtue of their close
association with their religious organizations Most parents en-courage their childrenrsquos participa-tion in church-based activities believing them to be safe and wholesome
These leaders are considered to be esteemed authorities and as repre-sentatives of God wield a great deal of power Depending on the faith group there may be teachings
that support an unquestioning adherence to their instructions and guidance This makes children and vulnerable adults particularly sus-ceptible to exploitation by this group because they have access opportunity and trust
Misuse of Power Perpetrators can utilize their positions of power and trust to gain access to their victims some-times for extended periods of uninterrupted time They may tell children that they are being asked to ldquoserve Godrdquo or that they or their families will be punished if they do not do as instructed Chil-dren may be threatened with eternal damnation or blamed for leading the religious leader into sin If the religion con-siders premarital sex or same sex contacts as sinful the guilt will be compounded
In most cases the victim will not disclose or may disclose but not be
believed A child will have a difficult time convincing adults that he or she has been victimized The vic-timrsquos family culture or communi-ties have been socialized to see their religious leaders as unques-tionably good and incapable of lies This can lead to others denying or minimizing the victimrsquos experience of abuse The victim is initially harmed by the abuser and then is revictimized by those who cannot
ldquoMay Hope be Passed through Every Handrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 39
institutionrsquos response and lack of compassion and pastoral care
The Impact on Spir ituality
The frequently used term ldquosoul murderrdquo aptly describes what hap-pens when the abuser is a religious leader When the response of the religious institu-tion to a disclosure of abuse is experienced as self-serving and uncaring the survivor will likely lose his faith in the religious community of which he has been a part To belong and to feel connected is a basic human need When abused by clergy the loss of connection and belonging to what may have been a spiritual anchor can be devastating
To compound the harm the abuse may have occurred in a religious building The abuser may have worn traditional cleri-cal attire or may have made religious or biblical refer-ences As a result being exposed to religious symbols music or any other reminder can trigger flashbacks and other uncomfortable physical symptoms
The cleric is often considered Godrsquos representative on earth This gives the cleric power that surpasses his position and status When abuse is at the hands of a minister nun
accept that their spiritual leaders are capable of abuse There are many stories of clergy abuse survi-vors being abandoned by their religious communities (who side with the cleric) and their families who cannot face leaving the church that has given their lives meaning and comfort The resultant feelings of betrayal and abandonment are profound
The Role of the Religious Inst itutions
When religious institutions hold themselves up as ethical compasses and arbitrators of right and wrong society has an expectation that church leaders will act in a fair and moral way Many US Commissions and Grand Juries and Canadian reports such as the Winter Com-mission Report (Archdiocese of St Johns Newfoundland Canada 1990) Child Abuse in Community Institutions and Organizations and Improving Public and Professional Understanding (prepared for the Law Commission of Canada) all record and explain the dynamics that have lead to the failure of religious institutions to protect our children
While it is well known that any institution mdash educational recrea-tional or spiritual mdash is not immune from having sex offenders in its midst the religious institutions have a particular legacy of protect-ing the institution through aggres-sive legal tactics versus truth telling and reconciliation Many victims state that they have been less wounded by the actual abuse and profoundly more damaged by the
priest rabbi minister or elder the recipient of the abuse may experi-ence profound guilt for ldquoparticipatingrdquo in ldquosinfulrdquo behaviour mdash a mistaken belief that he is respon-sible for the abuse or shame that
he has ldquosinnedrdquo He may believe he is deserving of rejection or eternal damnation If he confesses he risks exposing the cleric who has likely done what he could to trick the victim into believing that he must maintain silence and secrecy One survivor describes feeling that rdquoIt was like being abused by God him-self If even God couldnrsquot love me how could anyone else ever love merdquo
These factors alone can leave a man who has been abused by clergy unable to find comfort and solace in what used to be his spiritual beliefs and his church Without these familiar beliefs the survivor is aban-
doned and alone when he most needs support
The Role of Gender While woman are ordained in some denominations there is still an imbalance of power between men and women in many religious tradi-tions For boys and men abused by male clerics embarrassment and
(Continued on page 40)
ldquoThe frequently used
term lsquosoul murderrsquo aptly
describes what happens
when the abuser is a
religious leader When
the response of the
religious institution to a
disclosure of abuse is
experienced as self-
serving and uncaring
the survivor will likely
lose his faith in the
religious community of
which he has been
a partrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 40
concerns of how they will be per-ceived promote silence For the boy or man abused by a female cleric there may be worries that he will be labelled the seducer or pres-sured to consider this ldquorelationshiprdquo as non-abusive
The study conducted by the John Jay Col-lege of Criminal Jus-tice regarding The Nature and Scope of the Problem of Sexual Abuse of Minors by Priests and Deacons in the Catholic Church (Washington DC USCCB 2004) found some very disturbing information about the age and gender of victims The largest group of reported victims (509) was between the ages of 11 and 14 273 of victims were 15 to 17 16 were eight to 10 and nearly 6 were under age seven Overall 81 of vic-tims were male and 19 female Male victims tended to be older than female victims Over 40 of all victims were males between the ages of 11 and 14
The largest group of reported victims in this study consisted of boys who were entering puberty This is a tumultuous time in most
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 39)
young menrsquos lives To have this period of development disrupted can contribute to many mental health problems including lack of confidence disruption of emo-tional sexual and psycho-social development isolation sexual identity confusion depression anxiety and abuse of substances
In Summary The harm experienced by those
who are abused by clergy is profound and multifaceted Some therapists will not want to work with survivors of clergy abuse due to the complexity of their issues their limited knowledge of the subject area possible religious biases and potential for litigation Most (but certainly not all) survivors will have experienced revictimization by their churches or religious institutions This compounded by abuse by a religious leader in a position of power will under-standably lead to unique challenges Survivors will have
significant trust issues that can impede the forming of a trusting therapeutic relationship with a therapist who will also be in a position of power and may be an employee of an institution With transparency and skill on the part of the therapist and tenacity on the part of the survivor effective thera-
peutic partnership can be achieved While recovery is difficult it is possible
The irony is that many survivors of abuse by clergy have a strong sense of integrity morality and perseverance They learned the lessons that the ldquoreligiousrdquo offend-ers failed to learn At the core of their beings these clergy abuse survivors are the prophets who have come to speak the truth and reveal the abuse and the decep-tions It is this desire for social justice truth telling belonging and connection that will allow a healthy spiritual belief system to rise out of the ashes of what has happened It is this healthy spiritual belief that makes many clergy abuse survivors persistent and tenacious in seeking recovery and social justice They are making a difference and chang-ing the world as we know it
ldquoThe harm experienced
by those who are
abused by clergy is
profound and
multifaceted Some
therapists will not want
to work with survivors
of clergy abuse due to
the complexity of their
issues their limited
knowledge of the
subject area possible
religious biases and
potential for litigationldquo
February 2009
Page 41
tion of it earlier in the lsquo90s but 1997 is when there was a critical mass of mostly male survivors coming forward and taking action against Maple Leaf Gardens Your question specifically was ldquoDid it play a role in my choice of ca-reersrdquo
MS Yes
SJ Yes and no The Maple Leaf
Gardens cases were not my first sexual assault cases but my in-volvement in these cases solidified my interest and desire to help sur-vivors
MS Could you take a few minutes to explain to our readers just what the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal was and why it has played a central role in revealing the extent of sex-ual abuse at least in the Toronto area
of my clients will say something like ldquoYou know this is not about the money I donrsquot care how much I get this is about something elserdquo And whatever that person seeks mdash an apology or the empowerment of filing a lawsuit or a million other unique things mdash that is why I do this kind of work Itrsquos about helping people through whatever process they need in order to begin that healing process the moving forward process
MS And also to provide your clients with a sense of justice
SJ Absolutely Justice is really not about the money itrsquos about the knowledge that theyrsquove come forward theyrsquove done something and theyrsquove empowered themselves It takes a tre-mendous amount of courage to do that I am always in awe of my cli-ents for the amount of courage they have They are my inspiration
MS Many Americans are unaware of the so-called Maple Leaf Gar-dens sex scandal that began some-time in the 1960s but didnrsquot come to wide public attention until 1997 the year after you began practicing law Did this scandal have some affect on your choice of career
SJ Actually the scandal did come to prominence before 1997 There was scattered media atten-
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 1)
SJ Sure There was a series of men who were employed at Maple Leaf Gardens which was the home of the Toronto Maple Leafs mdash the hockey club mdash who over a period of a couple of decades sexually abused probably hundreds of chil-dren It started in the lsquo60s it went on we believe until the early lsquo80s There were two principal men in-volved but there were at least three
others who also were ac-cused In order to under-stand why the Maple Leaf Gardens sex scandals are as important as they are you have to understand that hockey in Toronto and hockey in Canada is almost a religion Hockey is to Canadians what the NFL or Major League Baseball is to Americans Every little boy dreams of about becoming the next Wayne Gretzky becoming the best hockey player he can be Maple Leaf Gar-dens was the home of one of the best loved and biggest hockey teams mdash the Toronto Maple Leafs The Gardens was the high
temple of hockey in Canada and still is In the lsquo60s lsquo70s and even the lsquo80s children mdash mostly boys mdash would go to Maple Leaf Gardens usually unaccompanied by their parents because back then nobody really thought that anything bad would happen to them at the Gar-dens The boys would go there ei-ther for practice games or to watch the Maple Leafs play or more likely they would go to watch To-
(Continued on page 42)
ldquoMaple Leaf Gardens in Memory of Martin Kruzerdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 42
ronto Marlies games The Marlies were the farm team for the Toronto Maple Leafs During these games and these practices the pedophiles who worked at the Gardenrsquos would often befriend these boys seeking out boys who were more vulner-able than others most likely and would sexually assault the boys sometimes off-property but most often within the Gardens itself They would use their position as employees of the Gardens to be able to say to the boys if you come with me Irsquoll get you a broken hockey stick or hockey puck or Irsquoll get you into better seats the next game or whatever other type of inducement would be necessary to get the boys to go with them into either a washroom or a training room or other private place where the boys would be sexually abused
In 1997 there were about 50 or 60 cases all joined to-gether and Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Entertainment Ltd wanted to settle all the cases prior to the Toronto Maple Leafs moving into a new hockey rink called the Air Canada Center so as to have a clean slate at the new rink By and large a lot of the litigation was fin-ished before the team moved into the Air Canada Center but not all of it In fact there are probably 17 or 19 cases going through the court
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 41)
system today more than 10 years after the original large group of plaintiffs went through the court and I believe that new people will continue to come forward when they are strong enough
MS I understand that one of the principal plaintiffs in the case Mar-tin Kruze had settled with the owners or the operators of the Ma-ple Leaf Gardens in 1995 and that he signed a confidentiality agree-ment not to reveal the settlement
or perhaps even the details of what had happened to him Do you think that the confidentiality agree-ment Mr Kruze agreed to slowed down or hindered the full exposure of this scandal
SJ I think that any confidentiality agreement blocks public access to knowledge and to understanding so I do suspect that Martinrsquos confi-dentiality agreement did have some impact on the scandal re-
maining hidden for as long as it did Absolutely yes I believe that confidentiality agreements are in-herently difficult for plaintiffs be-cause they create and continue a cycle of secrecy Sexual assault is a crime that is almost always carried out in secret and the guilt and shame it produces is key in helping pedophiles maintain their hold over their victims Putting a confidential-ity agreement on a settlement just perpetuates the guilt and the shame
MS Unfortunately Martin Kruzersquos principal perpetrator received a shockingly light sen-tence for all his actions and I understand that this led to Martin com-mitting suicide shortly afterwards
SJ I would think that the perpetratorrsquos sentence was a part of why Martin chose to end his life yes It hap-pened relatively shortly after the sentencing and I suspect that it weighed heavily on Martinrsquos decision
MS Do you think that the sen-tence that the perpetrator received was a reflection of the then current attitude towards pedophiles and sexual abuse
SJ The sentence that the perpe-trator received was a reflection on the way that the Canadian justice system deals with criminals regard-ing personal crimes absolutely It was a very low sentence in keep-
Imants Kruze visiting his sonrsquos memorial quilt square in the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 43
obtain here versus how much they can obtain in the United States In the United States there is no cap for pain and suffering awards whereas here in Canada there is a very small cap mdash about $325000 If a survivor of sexual assault goes through the court system and even if they have a very good day in court in terms of compensation yoursquore probably looking at an award for dam-ages somewhere be-tween $200000 and $500000 Sometimes itrsquos actually less than $200000 and very very rarely more than $500000 so in that sense we are defi-nitely behind But I donrsquot think itrsquos a question of waiting 10 years to see if we ldquocatch uprdquo I think itrsquos just a fundamental difference in how our court system works and whatrsquos available to survivors in terms of compensation
If you mean that Canada is 10 years behind in dealing with other aspects of sexual assault then you are probably correct in terms of media attention public awareness and outrage Sexual assault is still largely an unreported unprose-cuted crime But things are getting better every day and as more and more survivors come forward posi-tive changes will continue to hap-pen
MS As Irsquom sure you know therersquos periodic discussion about tort re-
ing with what was handed out at the time and to a large extent itrsquos still in keeping with what is handed out right now
MS Are you still representing or have you represented anyone who is a plaintiff in this scandal
SJ I was very much involved in the core group of Maple Leaf Gar-dens survivors that came forward in 1997 I was on what was called the plaintiffsrsquo committee back then which was a group of a few lawyers who brought the litigation forward I represented a number of plaintiffs in the original group that came forward I have also represented quite a few men throughout the last 10 years and currently repre-sent two men in the last group of plaintiffs to come forward I have also been approached by at least two other men who may decide to pursue litigation
MS Dale English mdash who has spo-ken to you at some length mdash has said to me that either you or he or both of you have felt that Canada is perhaps 10 or more years behind the US in dealing with the issues of sexual abuse and sexual assault Could you elaborate on that com-ment
SJ I think it depends on what you mean by dealing with the is-sues If you mean dealing with the issues in terms of bringing civil cases forward to a certain extent we are behind One of the funda-mental differences between the United States and Canada is the way that our tort systems operate and specifically the amount of compensation that tort victims can
form in the United States mainly aimed at capping punitive dam-ages Irsquom wondering whether there is the mirror of that in Canada mdash whether therersquos any movement to-wards tort reform that would allow greater awards to victims
SJ Well there is and there isnrsquot In Canada itrsquos very difficult if not
impossible to get pu-nitive damages espe-cially if therersquos a criminal conviction The punitive damages that are available in Canada are very low A typical punitive damage award would be $20000 or $25000 - usually not much more than that So damages are quite restricted here in any event In terms of tort reform I think there is a global push by in-surance companies to
try to limit compensation whether in the States or here The things that the American Association of Justice are fighting for down in the States are the same things that the Ontario Trial Lawyers Association are fighting for here mdash the continued ability to sue for compensation un-hampered by legislative roadblocks benefitting powerful institutional defendants to the detriment of those who have suffered Ours is a much smaller playing field and therefore less money is at stake In terms of plaintiffsrsquo lawyers wersquore trying to maximize the compensa-tion that we can get for our client Every time we go to court we try
(Continued on page 44)
ldquoIf you mean that
Canada is 10 years
behind in dealing with
other aspects of sexual
assault then you are
probably correct in
terms of media
attention public
awareness and outrageldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 44
to get a higher damage award so that that case will be a building block for future cases There are always attempts to try to circum-vent the cap on pain and suffering damages that we have Itrsquos not an easy thing to do the cap has been in place in Canada for 32 years now It was put in place in 1977 by the Supreme Court of Canada and itrsquos unlikely to be overturned any-time soon Even though from a purely theoretical legal analysis that cap does not apply to pain and suffering damages for victims of sexual assault and sexual abuse the reality is that judges still use that cap as a high water mark even though it doesnrsquot formally apply mdash it is still a de facto cap and to be honest with you it is almost impos-sible to get anywhere near that cap for compensation for pain and suf-fering A typical pain and suffering award in Canada for childhood sex-ual abuse is somewhere between $100000 and $200000 Anything on top of that would be associated economic loss or care costs
MS Itrsquos quite unfortunate that even though therersquos no real cap the law behaves as if there were one
SJ Yep I couldnrsquot agree with you more Itrsquos very unfortunate
MS I understand that in 2005 the government of Ontario convened whatrsquos known as the Cornwall Pub-lic Inquiry Was the Inquiry con-vened to address the issues of sex-ual abuse and sexual assault and
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 43)
the way the justice system is han-dling it
SJ Thatrsquos probably one of the reasons the Inquiry was convened Thatrsquos one of the hopes The In-quiry was convened because of what was going on in a little city east of Toronto mdash a series of allega-tions against very prominent mem-bers of that community involving the sexual abuse of children over a period of many many years The idea behind the Inquiry is to try to figure out what happened and to put in place some recommenda-tions that will not only stop some-thing like the abuse in Cornwall from happening again but will also try to help those who were affected by the events in the first place And to some extent I think some good will come of the Inquiry Hopefully the recommendations will be good for survivors of childhood sexual abuse or any kind of sexual assault The Submission phase of the In-quiry officially ended late February 2009
MS Did you have the opportunity to testify before the Inquiry
SJ I did not personally testify before the Inquiry Testimony was generally limited to the people ac-tually involved mdash police officers vic-tims what not I was involved in the Inquiry with regards to a panel discussionroundtable that they had regarding the use of confiden-tiality agreements
MS As you probably know Male-Survivor was first founded in the early 1980s by a group of thera-pists who were concerned about support for victims of childhood
sexual abuse and although Male-Survivor is still not a very large or-ganization it has increased its in-fluence significantly over the years and Irsquom wondering whether there is a similar non-profit or other group in Canada that also is dedi-cated to helping victims of child-hood sexual abuse
SJ There are some grass roots organizations that deal with victims of childhood sexual abuse or adult sexual assault I donrsquot believe there is as cohesive a unit as MaleSurvi-vor I may be wrong on that but there are smaller more community based organizations that assist sur-vivors That being said resources available to survivors are unfortu-nately pretty limited
MS Is that because there are too few therapists in that form of prac-tice
SJ I think itrsquos a mixture of many different things First of all Canada has a much smaller population base mdash 30 million people as com-pared to 300 million in the United States mdash so you have significantly fewer people affected and there-fore you have significantly fewer resources available to those people The services that we do have will often have very long waiting lists before people can access them There are some very very good counselors in Canada assisting sur-vivors but unfortunately the waiting lists are sometimes long and the availability for public funding to provide services free of charge is somewhat limited
MS Is there anything in your opinion about the Canadian health
February 2009
Page 45
system that contributes to the scar-city of services
SJ I donrsquot know if itrsquos the Cana-dian health system I think that in Canada we have a pretty good public health system in the sense that anybody who needs medical services can access those services free of charge The problem is that a lot of these services are not covered under our health system per se Many are covered under either private plans or pay as you go type services and itrsquos just a question of finding the people who can provide these services and being lucky enough to get them when they either donrsquot have a waiting list or other-wise having to wait until your name comes up on that waiting list
MS And that could takes years in some cases it seems
SJ My understanding is that those waiting lists can be quite long but there are very good peo-ple out there Itrsquos just a question of finding them and being able to afford them
MS Can you elaborate on other differences between the US and Canada that affect the way survi-vors and perpetrators are treated by the legal system and the media
SJ The differences between Can-ada and the US are really huge On the surface Americans and Canadi-ans look pretty much the same dress the same talk the same eat the same foods and by and large watch the same TV but culturally there is a huge difference in the way we look at the world in the
way our legal system works and the way that people interact with one another
Americans are much more litigious by na-ture I think this is due to the fact that in the United States mdash at least as seen from the outside mdash the rights of the individual are paramount In Can-ada less so Canada is much more commu-nity-oriented We of-tentimes think about how something is going to affect others instead of looking at what an individual might be entitled to I think that the high
damage awards available through the American legal system are beneficial in sexual abuse cases as is the lack of a cap on awards which we have
In some ways though our legal system is much better for my cli-ents than the US system would be because of the way that our actual process works One of the things that I know is very damaging to a lot of plaintiffs in the United States is the whole discovery process tak-
ing depositions Depositions can go on for a huge number of days and pretty much everybody in the per-sonrsquos life can be called to give a deposition That is very troubling and painful for people who donrsquot necessarily want others to know about their abuse or donrsquot want to involve their family Here in Canada depositions mdash or what we call the examination for discovery mdash are lim-ited to the actual named parties in the lawsuit The defendant and the plaintiff are examined for discovery or deposed if you will Anyone who is not an actual party to the litiga-tion can only be discovered under court orders and itrsquos very difficult to get those court orders so in that sense itrsquos a much quicker cleaner process and less intrusive on some-onersquos life So that is probably a good thing
The other really huge difference between the two systems which I think does in fact impact on why a lot of these cases settle as opposed to going to court and oftentimes settle for very different amounts of money than they would if they went to court is that in Canada we have a ldquoloser paysrdquo system If you go to court and you lose you have to pay at least a portion of the fees incurred by the other side Letrsquos say the defendantrsquos settlement offer is $100000 If the plaintiff does not accept that $100000 and at trial the plaintiff gets $99000 then the plaintiff has to pay the lawyerrsquos fees of the defendant because the award is less than the settlement offer That is very difficult That means that a lot of cases are set-tled for probably less money than
(Continued on page 46)
ldquoOn the surface
Americans and
Canadians look pretty
much the same hellip but
culturally there is a
huge difference in the
way we look at the
world in the way our
legal system works and
the way that people
interact with one
anotherldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 46
MS I join you in that hope Any-thing that can advance the cause of not only helping people but also helping prevent further abuses is always going to be welcome If you could set forth a vision of how you would like to see the law and the therapeutic community in Canada evolve to handle matters of child-
hood sexual abuse and sexual assault mdash if you could influence the reform of institu-tions what would your vision be
SJ Oh Richard Wow Well first and foremost I would love to raise public aware-ness of this issue for various reasons I think that increased public awareness will not necessarily reduce the instances of abuse but will help improve how abuse is dealt with when itrsquos ongoing and after-wards Itrsquos very im-portant that when a child is hurt that
child knows that he can go to peo-ple for help and support All too often if kids get up enough cour-age to tell someone the reaction they get is not very positive I think that with increased public aware-ness hopefully people will under-stand that there are ways to deal with this that will decrease the amount of harm so public aware-ness is paramount
I would like the legal system to raise compensation awards for sur-
turning point in bringing to the publicrsquos attention that the sexual assault of children can happen does happen and itrsquos a very diffi-cult thing for anyone to go through whether theyrsquore little boys or grown men that were abused as children It brought childhood sex-ual abuse out of the shadows to a certain extent The scandal still garners media attention as new survivors come forward but not the same as it did 10 years ago
MS Would you say that the lack of inves-tigative reporting is a cultural phenomenon or is it that the news-papers donrsquot feel they have that role
SJ Oh no Canadian newspapers do feel that they have a role in investigating things but for whatever rea-son sexual abuse of children has not been a priority The Cana-dian media really has not been at the forefront of this issue the way the media in the United States has been and I think that is tremen-dously disappointing The lack of media attention means that we arenrsquot fostering the awareness within the public that we need in order to provide real help and ser-vices for survivors We need the mediarsquos help to bring this horrific crime to light and to help stop it from happening
they would get if they went to court because that risk of going to court and not getting at least the amount of the original offer weighs heavily on everyone Our system is designed and geared toward avoid-ing trials which can be good be-cause nobody really wants to go through a trial but can be bad be-cause people become very intimi-dated by the prospect of losing or not getting as much as the settle-ment offer and being indebted to the defendant for a lot of money Thatrsquos a scary scary thing to go through
With regards to the media the US has a media that by and large has helped out a lot with sexual abuse cases The whole issue of clergy abuse really started with investiga-tive reporting by the Boston Globe right
MS Right
SJ They really took that issue and just ran with it Here in Canada we really havenrsquot had the same kind of investigative media cover-age as yoursquove had which is why events like the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal are not as huge as they are down in the States
Before Martin Kruze committed sui-cide the media was only somewhat interested in the Maple Leaf Gar-dens scandal Martin Kruze was a figure because he had sued the Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Com-plex But after he committed sui-cide the media was really galva-nized and that was probably a
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 45)
ldquoThe lack of media
attention means that we
arenrsquot fostering the
awareness within the
public that we need in
order to provide real
help and services for
survivors We need the
mediarsquos help to bring
this horrific crime to
light and to help stop it
from happeningrdquo
February 2009
Page 47
ments but it canrsquot at this stage really happen through the courts
I would want there to be an ability for institutions or perpetrators mdash de-fendants mdash to look beyond mere dollars and cents and look toward healing the person that they have hurt either directly or indirectly All too often in these cases we really become tied up in the legal minu-tiae of things as opposed to defen-dants saying ldquoOK letrsquos step back here and letrsquos try to helprdquo
I wish that there were a real under-standing that these cases are not car accident cases and they should
not be treated as car accident cases My clients are not people whorsquove broken a leg and therefore need X amount of dollars in order to pay for medical services or whatnot And unfortu-nately that doesnrsquot necessarily happen
In terms of the thera-peutic community I would love to see counseling and therapy ses-sions be paid for through the pub-lic purse so that people who re-quire the services of highly-skilled counselors and therapists and psy-chologists can access those services without having to pay for them A lot of clients just donrsquot have the economic means to pay for such services until after they get a set-tlement and that could take years It would be wonderful to see those kinds of services funded the same way as a trip to the emergency room or a trip to your family doc-tor for a cold is funded Irsquod love to
vivors The amount of damage that can be done as a result of child-hood abuse or in fact any kind of sexual assault is tremendous It affects almost every aspect of someonersquos life It becomes inter-generational because it affects the people around the survivor and compensation awards are still very much a pale reflection of what is needed in order to help these peo-ple I hope that at some point our judges and our legislature under-stand that need and can corre-spondingly give appropriate and reasonable damage awards so that people can start to rebuild their lives in a meaningful way
I would love there to be an opportunity within our civil system for more than just compensation At this stage the only thing that a civil judge can do is award monetary compensation There are a lot of creative things that you can do within a settlement that are not purely fi-nancial that can give a lot of sol-ace to someone who has been abused whether that be in the form of some non-financial healing whether it be in the form of a situation where somebody can con-front their abuser if thatrsquos what they wish to do in a safe setting or whether itrsquos the ability for that sur-vivor to do something outside of pure simple dollars and put for-ward some sort of healing plan that is as individual as they are That can happen through settle-
be able to see that I think that that would go a long way to helping people earlier rather than later
Ultimately I wish that this situation didnrsquot exist anymore and I would be put out of business frankly
MS Well I can certainly sympa-thize with the way you feel but it would seem that you have a career ahead of you dealing with this problem
SJ Unfortunately I think you are right I think that instances of child-hood sexual abuse are not neces-sarily going down I think that insti-tutions are getting a little bit better at putting in place policies and sometimes even following their own policies to stop pedophiles from entering those institutions and preying on people that those insti-tutions are theoretically set up to serve but I think that as long as the problem of childhood sexual abuse is with us I will be out there trying to help anybody that I can
MS Is there anything else yoursquod like to say to our readers
SJ I think that organizations such as MaleSurvivor are imperative in helping people understand that they are not alone that itrsquos not their fault and there are ways to get help So hats off to an organi-zation such as yours The clients I have who are involved in your or-ganization are very very well served so I have to thank you for being a resource
MS Thank you very much for your kind comments and for your time Simona
ldquoUltimately I wish that
this situation didnrsquot exist
anymore and I would be
put out of business
franklyrdquo
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-
Vol 2 No 2
Page 34
A History of Male Survi-vor Services in Queacutebec
and First Nations Communities
By Caroline Benamza (dance and drama therapistpsychotherapist at CRIPHASE)
And by Benoicirct St Jean (Director of CRIPHASE)
Contact Tel +1-514-529-55-67 Email infocriphaseorg
Website wwwcriphaseorg
T he latest statistics in Queacutebec show that one out of every six men has been sexually
abused before the age of 18 but there are very few statistics regard-ing male survivors and this estima-tion is only based on reported abuse Most adult men or boys who are survivors go unnoticed because most of the services in Queacutebec are exclusively for women In 2008 the male population in Queacutebec was about 3800000 of which about 3000000 are above 20 years of age (from the Institut de la Statistique) Therefore we can estimate that in Queacutebec there are around 500000 male survivors actually visible within the different health care services justice system and police departments The num-ber is already frightening for a seemingly peaceful society like Queacutebec When it comes to Native American communities as many as 80 of boys have been sexually abused before the age of 18 This number is quite similar mdash but for different reasons mdash to the male population within the Federal or Provincial prisons
The reality of male survivors of sexual abuse in childhood has remained in the dark for years in Queacutebec and it is only in the last four years that the government has acknowledged the necessity of funding counseling services for male survivors Historically it can be explained The first services for survivors have been developed since the 1960s within the very strong Queacutebeacutecois feminist move-ments The women have built along the years a strong network of ser-vices for female vic-tims of sexual abuse and domestic vio-lence Today these services still exist as the CALACS (Centres dAide et de Lutte contre les Agressions agrave Caractegravere Sexuel = Sexual Assault Cen-tres) network for survivors of sexual abuse Due to a strong belief in pro-viding a safe haven for women survivors men were turned away from these services and had nowhere to go Only two survivorsrsquo centres in the Montreal area outside the CALACS network welcomed men but those men represent only 5 of clients
This situation became obvious when the CAVAC (Centre drsquoAide pour les Victime drsquoActes Criminels = Crime Victims Assistance Centres) started to provide counseling ser-
vices to victims of criminal acts who wished to press charges and go through a court procedure The first services in Queacutebec for male survivors therefore came from a strong need in the society In 1996 the CAVAC decided to fund an experimental program directed by Denis Reneacute to offer a support group for male survivors This program was named the PHASE Groups (Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = For Men Sexually Abused in Child-
hood) With the suc-cess of these first groups between 1996 and 1997 the CAVAC of Montreal tried to secure funding for the continuation of services Unfortu-nately the PHASE Groups suffered from the double status it carried within the government the Minister of Justice that was the main funder of the CAVAC refused to fund a counseling service supposedly to be funded by the Health Minister Later the Health Minister turned down the
funding because as part of CAVAC the program should have been funded by the Minister of Justice
So it was in 1997 that Denis Reneacute decided to secure the future of the PHASE Groups by registering them
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
ldquoWhen it comes to
Native American
communities as many
as 80 of boys have
been sexually abused
before the age of 18
This number is quite
similarmdashbut for different
reasonsmdashto the male
population within the
Federal or Provincial
prisonsrdquo
February 2009
Page 35
intimacy and sexuality issues) and PHASE Artistique (a 10 weeks art and movement therapy program) with a holistic approach to body and mind recovery
In 2008 the very first weekend of recovery (named PHASE Weekend) was created and CRIPHASE wishes to make the weekend an annual event In 2003 for the first time
CRIPHASE became a full member of the Table de Concertation en Agressions Sexuelles (a gathering of several organizations providing services to survivors in addition to representatives from the Justice the Health Minister and the police) This cooperation allows a better understanding of survivor issues and needs as well as a better coor-
within a non-profit organization that took the name CRIPHASE (Centre de Resources et drsquointervention Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = Resource and Intervention Centre for Men who have been Sexually Abused in Childhood) For 10 years the Groups have survived on pri-vate funding and have provided two recovery Groups called PHASE 1 and PHASE 2 Each PHASE is a 10-week program serving non-offending male survivors over 18 years of age and of all sexual orienta-tions With its first public funding in 2004 of $38000 a director was en-gaged by the board of administration and in 2008 the PSOC (a funding body within the agency of Health and Social Services) fi-nally secured the future of CRIPHASE with a first major funding rooting CRIPHASE in the circle of sexual abuse survivors centres
Since 2006 CRIPHASE has devel-oped a major politics of visibility through the media conferences and meetings with the different actors of the Queacutebeacutecois stage Three more programs have been developed within CRIPHASE PHASE Conjoint (for partners of male survivors) PHASE Sexo (a 10 weeks program of recovery focusing on
dination of services on the ground From within the Table CRIPHASE has been able to educate people on the issue of male survivors and participate or initiate projects such as the Information Guide for Sexual Assault Victims and the first pre-vention mobilization and aware-ness march for sexual abuse survi-vors in 2008 The presence of CRIPHASE at the Table has also
allowed the feminists within the CALACS to have a better under-standing of the suffer-ing of male survivors who are also victims in their own way of an old patriarchal system CRIPHASE was also finally incorporated in the CALACS coordina-tion groupmdashcalled Table des CALACS mdash in 2008
Until 2008 there were no services provided in English (Queacutebec is a French-speaking province where Eng-lish speakers are a minority) due to lack of funding to translate the PHASE 1 docu-ments and employ English-speaking therapists The project
to offer groups in English had been put aside for years but finally in 2008 the first groups of PHASE 1 and 2 opened for English speakers The PHASE Artistique and PHASE Weekend are now bilingual pro-grams
(Continued on page 36)
Phone calls received at CRIPHASE
male survivors
therapists
relatives and loved ones
other
The average male survivor using the services at CRIPHASE is aged between 35 and 55
Vol 2 No 2
Page 36
Male survivors in the Native American
communities Recovery programs within Native American communities are only starting Many Native American men were sexually abused as well as psychologically and emotionally abused when they were sent to boarding schools across the province for assimila-tion The effects of this traumatic experience (including historic trauma) can be seen in all First Nations of Queacutebec Algonquians Cris Innus Abenakis Innuits Micmacs and so forth Today there is a strong need of heal-ing for this lost gen-eration but traumatic experiences and con-sequences have been passed on to the next generations Unfortu-nately sexual abuse is one of these problems which need to be addressed through prevention and coun-seling in a way that will integrate Native American traditions and their holistic ap-proach to medicine Such programs already exist within some communi-ties Organizations like GRIPMA (Groupe de Recherches et dInter-ventions Psychosociales en Milieu Autochtone = Research and Inter-vention group in Aboriginal Com-munities) located in the Huron
History of Male Survivor Services (Continued from page 35)
community of Wendake (near Queacute-bec city) provide a clinical expertise in intervention within Native Ameri-can communities On the other side the Aboriginal Healing Foun-dation based in Ottawa is currently funding 16 recovery projects for the First Nations in Queacutebec ad-dressing sexual abuse addiction prevention of suicide boarding schools trauma etc until 2010
Last year the publication of the five-year funding plan on sexual abuse by the provincial govern-ment of Queacutebec has seen the recognition of male survivors as a population in great need of ser-vices It has also recognized the necessity of providing services to the First Nations communities
Things are changing in Queacutebec for male survivors Because CRIPHASE is the only organization providing support and counseling to men in Queacutebec who have been sexually abused in childhood there is great hope for an increase of funding this year The constant develop-ment of CRIPHASE and the increase in phone calls and numbers of guys within the services (in 2008-
2009 there will be seven groups of PHASE 1 in-stead of five the year before) also show that men in Queacutebec are get-ting the right information on sexual abuse and services and are being encouraged to look for help and engage in re-covery
If you are one of these men in Queacutebec we are waiting for your call Remember you are not alone
For the annual march event please visit wwwmarchevasca (Information for the May 2009 march will be on line from February 2009)
Quilt Square by a Native Child from Alberta From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 37
MaleSurvivor is men surviving sexual abuse in Canada we will start with Canadarsquos sad legacy of abuse of children by clergy
A Brief Incomplete Canadian History
In Canada our First Nations People have had to bear the legacy of abuse they endured in Canadarsquos notorious residential schools Cur-rent issues of addictions and family and mental health problems amongst our First Nations people can be traced back to the legacy of abuse experienced by Native chil-dren in residential schools
Around 1874 the federal government began working with the churches (Catholic Anglican United and Presbyte-rian) to set up the Residential School System as a means to suppress Native cul-ture and promote assimilation In gen-eral children between the ages of five and 16 were taken from their parents and sent to church-run residen-tial schools The extent of the abuse in these church-run schools has been referred to as the ldquoCanadian Holocaustrdquo Recently the Canadian Government formed the Truth and Reconciliation Commis-sion (TRC) as part of the court-approved Indian Residential Schools Settlement Agreement The
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious
Leader By Nancy N Mayer MSW RSW
Partner Crisci amp Mayer Consultation Counselling and
Training Toronto wwwckmconsultationcom
Introduction
L ikely all the readers of this newsletter have knowledge and expertise about men
being physically sexually and emotionally abused Research tells us that abusers can come from any
walk of life and most often are known to the child or adult In the last decade abuse by clergy has finally ldquocome out of the closetrdquo so to
speak thanks to those brave survi-vors who have made public their experiences of being abused by clergy More than ever survivor groups are encouraging victims to report these crimes to the police and to consider seeking civil re-dress for their injuries Many groups believe that change in churches will only come when they are held accountable for the abuse perpetrated by clergy
This article will attempt to address the distinctive issues that are com-mon to this population of survivors Because the focus of this issue of
purpose of the commission is not to determine guilt or innocence but to create an historical account of the residential schools help people to heal and encourage reconciliation between Aboriginal and non-aboriginal Canadians
The notorious Mount Cashel Or-phanage is another Canadian leg-acy of sexual abuse by clergy This facility was operated in Newfound-land by the Christian Brothers More than a dozen priests were convicted after decades of abusing young boys at the orphanage
Mount Cashel Or-phanage closed in 1989 just six months after allegations of sexual physical and emotional abuse were published by the media (For more in depth information see Harris Michael Unholy Orders Trag-edy at Mount Cashel Ontario Viking Press 1990)
Like the US there have been hundreds and perhaps thou-sands of cases of children and vulner-
able adults abused by clergy in every religious denomination Unlike the US our country is not bound as strictly by statutes of limitations so lawsuits can proceed more freely Our sentences for convicted clerical sex offenders are
(Continued on page 38)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Nancy N Mayer
ldquo[First Nations] children
between the ages of five
and 16 were taken from
their parents and sent to
church-run residential
schools The extent of
the abuse in these
church-run schools has
been referred to as the
lsquoCanadian Holocaustrsquoldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 38
nowhere near as severe as those of our American neighbours Most first offenders will not serve a day in jail The civil awards for personal inju-ries are also quite low Our court system promotes set-tling these cases out of court When a case fails to go to trial it is not part of the public re-cord The widespread use of confidentiality orders media fatigue and Canadian reserve means that it is impos-sible to obtain accurate statistics on how often men are abused by clergy or even the ex-tent of the problem in this country
The Authority of Rel igious Leaders Religious organizations have always played a central role in our so-cieties They provide moral ethical and spiritual guidance Reli-gious teachings have given us a context and meaning for our lives Most religious belief revolves around a divine power or God Religious leaders (ministers priests rabbis elders nuns) are thought to be Godrsquos earthly repre-sentatives and are treated with reverence and respect They have intimate involvement with families and children at such vulnerable times as an illness death or other family crises They may have access
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 37)
to confidential information by virtue of their roles of confessor or counsellor A child brought up by religious parents is taught to re-spect these men and women Oth-ers associated with churches mdash choir leaders teachers cantors youth group leaders mdash are also considered trustworthy by virtue of their close
association with their religious organizations Most parents en-courage their childrenrsquos participa-tion in church-based activities believing them to be safe and wholesome
These leaders are considered to be esteemed authorities and as repre-sentatives of God wield a great deal of power Depending on the faith group there may be teachings
that support an unquestioning adherence to their instructions and guidance This makes children and vulnerable adults particularly sus-ceptible to exploitation by this group because they have access opportunity and trust
Misuse of Power Perpetrators can utilize their positions of power and trust to gain access to their victims some-times for extended periods of uninterrupted time They may tell children that they are being asked to ldquoserve Godrdquo or that they or their families will be punished if they do not do as instructed Chil-dren may be threatened with eternal damnation or blamed for leading the religious leader into sin If the religion con-siders premarital sex or same sex contacts as sinful the guilt will be compounded
In most cases the victim will not disclose or may disclose but not be
believed A child will have a difficult time convincing adults that he or she has been victimized The vic-timrsquos family culture or communi-ties have been socialized to see their religious leaders as unques-tionably good and incapable of lies This can lead to others denying or minimizing the victimrsquos experience of abuse The victim is initially harmed by the abuser and then is revictimized by those who cannot
ldquoMay Hope be Passed through Every Handrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 39
institutionrsquos response and lack of compassion and pastoral care
The Impact on Spir ituality
The frequently used term ldquosoul murderrdquo aptly describes what hap-pens when the abuser is a religious leader When the response of the religious institu-tion to a disclosure of abuse is experienced as self-serving and uncaring the survivor will likely lose his faith in the religious community of which he has been a part To belong and to feel connected is a basic human need When abused by clergy the loss of connection and belonging to what may have been a spiritual anchor can be devastating
To compound the harm the abuse may have occurred in a religious building The abuser may have worn traditional cleri-cal attire or may have made religious or biblical refer-ences As a result being exposed to religious symbols music or any other reminder can trigger flashbacks and other uncomfortable physical symptoms
The cleric is often considered Godrsquos representative on earth This gives the cleric power that surpasses his position and status When abuse is at the hands of a minister nun
accept that their spiritual leaders are capable of abuse There are many stories of clergy abuse survi-vors being abandoned by their religious communities (who side with the cleric) and their families who cannot face leaving the church that has given their lives meaning and comfort The resultant feelings of betrayal and abandonment are profound
The Role of the Religious Inst itutions
When religious institutions hold themselves up as ethical compasses and arbitrators of right and wrong society has an expectation that church leaders will act in a fair and moral way Many US Commissions and Grand Juries and Canadian reports such as the Winter Com-mission Report (Archdiocese of St Johns Newfoundland Canada 1990) Child Abuse in Community Institutions and Organizations and Improving Public and Professional Understanding (prepared for the Law Commission of Canada) all record and explain the dynamics that have lead to the failure of religious institutions to protect our children
While it is well known that any institution mdash educational recrea-tional or spiritual mdash is not immune from having sex offenders in its midst the religious institutions have a particular legacy of protect-ing the institution through aggres-sive legal tactics versus truth telling and reconciliation Many victims state that they have been less wounded by the actual abuse and profoundly more damaged by the
priest rabbi minister or elder the recipient of the abuse may experi-ence profound guilt for ldquoparticipatingrdquo in ldquosinfulrdquo behaviour mdash a mistaken belief that he is respon-sible for the abuse or shame that
he has ldquosinnedrdquo He may believe he is deserving of rejection or eternal damnation If he confesses he risks exposing the cleric who has likely done what he could to trick the victim into believing that he must maintain silence and secrecy One survivor describes feeling that rdquoIt was like being abused by God him-self If even God couldnrsquot love me how could anyone else ever love merdquo
These factors alone can leave a man who has been abused by clergy unable to find comfort and solace in what used to be his spiritual beliefs and his church Without these familiar beliefs the survivor is aban-
doned and alone when he most needs support
The Role of Gender While woman are ordained in some denominations there is still an imbalance of power between men and women in many religious tradi-tions For boys and men abused by male clerics embarrassment and
(Continued on page 40)
ldquoThe frequently used
term lsquosoul murderrsquo aptly
describes what happens
when the abuser is a
religious leader When
the response of the
religious institution to a
disclosure of abuse is
experienced as self-
serving and uncaring
the survivor will likely
lose his faith in the
religious community of
which he has been
a partrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 40
concerns of how they will be per-ceived promote silence For the boy or man abused by a female cleric there may be worries that he will be labelled the seducer or pres-sured to consider this ldquorelationshiprdquo as non-abusive
The study conducted by the John Jay Col-lege of Criminal Jus-tice regarding The Nature and Scope of the Problem of Sexual Abuse of Minors by Priests and Deacons in the Catholic Church (Washington DC USCCB 2004) found some very disturbing information about the age and gender of victims The largest group of reported victims (509) was between the ages of 11 and 14 273 of victims were 15 to 17 16 were eight to 10 and nearly 6 were under age seven Overall 81 of vic-tims were male and 19 female Male victims tended to be older than female victims Over 40 of all victims were males between the ages of 11 and 14
The largest group of reported victims in this study consisted of boys who were entering puberty This is a tumultuous time in most
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 39)
young menrsquos lives To have this period of development disrupted can contribute to many mental health problems including lack of confidence disruption of emo-tional sexual and psycho-social development isolation sexual identity confusion depression anxiety and abuse of substances
In Summary The harm experienced by those
who are abused by clergy is profound and multifaceted Some therapists will not want to work with survivors of clergy abuse due to the complexity of their issues their limited knowledge of the subject area possible religious biases and potential for litigation Most (but certainly not all) survivors will have experienced revictimization by their churches or religious institutions This compounded by abuse by a religious leader in a position of power will under-standably lead to unique challenges Survivors will have
significant trust issues that can impede the forming of a trusting therapeutic relationship with a therapist who will also be in a position of power and may be an employee of an institution With transparency and skill on the part of the therapist and tenacity on the part of the survivor effective thera-
peutic partnership can be achieved While recovery is difficult it is possible
The irony is that many survivors of abuse by clergy have a strong sense of integrity morality and perseverance They learned the lessons that the ldquoreligiousrdquo offend-ers failed to learn At the core of their beings these clergy abuse survivors are the prophets who have come to speak the truth and reveal the abuse and the decep-tions It is this desire for social justice truth telling belonging and connection that will allow a healthy spiritual belief system to rise out of the ashes of what has happened It is this healthy spiritual belief that makes many clergy abuse survivors persistent and tenacious in seeking recovery and social justice They are making a difference and chang-ing the world as we know it
ldquoThe harm experienced
by those who are
abused by clergy is
profound and
multifaceted Some
therapists will not want
to work with survivors
of clergy abuse due to
the complexity of their
issues their limited
knowledge of the
subject area possible
religious biases and
potential for litigationldquo
February 2009
Page 41
tion of it earlier in the lsquo90s but 1997 is when there was a critical mass of mostly male survivors coming forward and taking action against Maple Leaf Gardens Your question specifically was ldquoDid it play a role in my choice of ca-reersrdquo
MS Yes
SJ Yes and no The Maple Leaf
Gardens cases were not my first sexual assault cases but my in-volvement in these cases solidified my interest and desire to help sur-vivors
MS Could you take a few minutes to explain to our readers just what the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal was and why it has played a central role in revealing the extent of sex-ual abuse at least in the Toronto area
of my clients will say something like ldquoYou know this is not about the money I donrsquot care how much I get this is about something elserdquo And whatever that person seeks mdash an apology or the empowerment of filing a lawsuit or a million other unique things mdash that is why I do this kind of work Itrsquos about helping people through whatever process they need in order to begin that healing process the moving forward process
MS And also to provide your clients with a sense of justice
SJ Absolutely Justice is really not about the money itrsquos about the knowledge that theyrsquove come forward theyrsquove done something and theyrsquove empowered themselves It takes a tre-mendous amount of courage to do that I am always in awe of my cli-ents for the amount of courage they have They are my inspiration
MS Many Americans are unaware of the so-called Maple Leaf Gar-dens sex scandal that began some-time in the 1960s but didnrsquot come to wide public attention until 1997 the year after you began practicing law Did this scandal have some affect on your choice of career
SJ Actually the scandal did come to prominence before 1997 There was scattered media atten-
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 1)
SJ Sure There was a series of men who were employed at Maple Leaf Gardens which was the home of the Toronto Maple Leafs mdash the hockey club mdash who over a period of a couple of decades sexually abused probably hundreds of chil-dren It started in the lsquo60s it went on we believe until the early lsquo80s There were two principal men in-volved but there were at least three
others who also were ac-cused In order to under-stand why the Maple Leaf Gardens sex scandals are as important as they are you have to understand that hockey in Toronto and hockey in Canada is almost a religion Hockey is to Canadians what the NFL or Major League Baseball is to Americans Every little boy dreams of about becoming the next Wayne Gretzky becoming the best hockey player he can be Maple Leaf Gar-dens was the home of one of the best loved and biggest hockey teams mdash the Toronto Maple Leafs The Gardens was the high
temple of hockey in Canada and still is In the lsquo60s lsquo70s and even the lsquo80s children mdash mostly boys mdash would go to Maple Leaf Gardens usually unaccompanied by their parents because back then nobody really thought that anything bad would happen to them at the Gar-dens The boys would go there ei-ther for practice games or to watch the Maple Leafs play or more likely they would go to watch To-
(Continued on page 42)
ldquoMaple Leaf Gardens in Memory of Martin Kruzerdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 42
ronto Marlies games The Marlies were the farm team for the Toronto Maple Leafs During these games and these practices the pedophiles who worked at the Gardenrsquos would often befriend these boys seeking out boys who were more vulner-able than others most likely and would sexually assault the boys sometimes off-property but most often within the Gardens itself They would use their position as employees of the Gardens to be able to say to the boys if you come with me Irsquoll get you a broken hockey stick or hockey puck or Irsquoll get you into better seats the next game or whatever other type of inducement would be necessary to get the boys to go with them into either a washroom or a training room or other private place where the boys would be sexually abused
In 1997 there were about 50 or 60 cases all joined to-gether and Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Entertainment Ltd wanted to settle all the cases prior to the Toronto Maple Leafs moving into a new hockey rink called the Air Canada Center so as to have a clean slate at the new rink By and large a lot of the litigation was fin-ished before the team moved into the Air Canada Center but not all of it In fact there are probably 17 or 19 cases going through the court
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 41)
system today more than 10 years after the original large group of plaintiffs went through the court and I believe that new people will continue to come forward when they are strong enough
MS I understand that one of the principal plaintiffs in the case Mar-tin Kruze had settled with the owners or the operators of the Ma-ple Leaf Gardens in 1995 and that he signed a confidentiality agree-ment not to reveal the settlement
or perhaps even the details of what had happened to him Do you think that the confidentiality agree-ment Mr Kruze agreed to slowed down or hindered the full exposure of this scandal
SJ I think that any confidentiality agreement blocks public access to knowledge and to understanding so I do suspect that Martinrsquos confi-dentiality agreement did have some impact on the scandal re-
maining hidden for as long as it did Absolutely yes I believe that confidentiality agreements are in-herently difficult for plaintiffs be-cause they create and continue a cycle of secrecy Sexual assault is a crime that is almost always carried out in secret and the guilt and shame it produces is key in helping pedophiles maintain their hold over their victims Putting a confidential-ity agreement on a settlement just perpetuates the guilt and the shame
MS Unfortunately Martin Kruzersquos principal perpetrator received a shockingly light sen-tence for all his actions and I understand that this led to Martin com-mitting suicide shortly afterwards
SJ I would think that the perpetratorrsquos sentence was a part of why Martin chose to end his life yes It hap-pened relatively shortly after the sentencing and I suspect that it weighed heavily on Martinrsquos decision
MS Do you think that the sen-tence that the perpetrator received was a reflection of the then current attitude towards pedophiles and sexual abuse
SJ The sentence that the perpe-trator received was a reflection on the way that the Canadian justice system deals with criminals regard-ing personal crimes absolutely It was a very low sentence in keep-
Imants Kruze visiting his sonrsquos memorial quilt square in the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 43
obtain here versus how much they can obtain in the United States In the United States there is no cap for pain and suffering awards whereas here in Canada there is a very small cap mdash about $325000 If a survivor of sexual assault goes through the court system and even if they have a very good day in court in terms of compensation yoursquore probably looking at an award for dam-ages somewhere be-tween $200000 and $500000 Sometimes itrsquos actually less than $200000 and very very rarely more than $500000 so in that sense we are defi-nitely behind But I donrsquot think itrsquos a question of waiting 10 years to see if we ldquocatch uprdquo I think itrsquos just a fundamental difference in how our court system works and whatrsquos available to survivors in terms of compensation
If you mean that Canada is 10 years behind in dealing with other aspects of sexual assault then you are probably correct in terms of media attention public awareness and outrage Sexual assault is still largely an unreported unprose-cuted crime But things are getting better every day and as more and more survivors come forward posi-tive changes will continue to hap-pen
MS As Irsquom sure you know therersquos periodic discussion about tort re-
ing with what was handed out at the time and to a large extent itrsquos still in keeping with what is handed out right now
MS Are you still representing or have you represented anyone who is a plaintiff in this scandal
SJ I was very much involved in the core group of Maple Leaf Gar-dens survivors that came forward in 1997 I was on what was called the plaintiffsrsquo committee back then which was a group of a few lawyers who brought the litigation forward I represented a number of plaintiffs in the original group that came forward I have also represented quite a few men throughout the last 10 years and currently repre-sent two men in the last group of plaintiffs to come forward I have also been approached by at least two other men who may decide to pursue litigation
MS Dale English mdash who has spo-ken to you at some length mdash has said to me that either you or he or both of you have felt that Canada is perhaps 10 or more years behind the US in dealing with the issues of sexual abuse and sexual assault Could you elaborate on that com-ment
SJ I think it depends on what you mean by dealing with the is-sues If you mean dealing with the issues in terms of bringing civil cases forward to a certain extent we are behind One of the funda-mental differences between the United States and Canada is the way that our tort systems operate and specifically the amount of compensation that tort victims can
form in the United States mainly aimed at capping punitive dam-ages Irsquom wondering whether there is the mirror of that in Canada mdash whether therersquos any movement to-wards tort reform that would allow greater awards to victims
SJ Well there is and there isnrsquot In Canada itrsquos very difficult if not
impossible to get pu-nitive damages espe-cially if therersquos a criminal conviction The punitive damages that are available in Canada are very low A typical punitive damage award would be $20000 or $25000 - usually not much more than that So damages are quite restricted here in any event In terms of tort reform I think there is a global push by in-surance companies to
try to limit compensation whether in the States or here The things that the American Association of Justice are fighting for down in the States are the same things that the Ontario Trial Lawyers Association are fighting for here mdash the continued ability to sue for compensation un-hampered by legislative roadblocks benefitting powerful institutional defendants to the detriment of those who have suffered Ours is a much smaller playing field and therefore less money is at stake In terms of plaintiffsrsquo lawyers wersquore trying to maximize the compensa-tion that we can get for our client Every time we go to court we try
(Continued on page 44)
ldquoIf you mean that
Canada is 10 years
behind in dealing with
other aspects of sexual
assault then you are
probably correct in
terms of media
attention public
awareness and outrageldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 44
to get a higher damage award so that that case will be a building block for future cases There are always attempts to try to circum-vent the cap on pain and suffering damages that we have Itrsquos not an easy thing to do the cap has been in place in Canada for 32 years now It was put in place in 1977 by the Supreme Court of Canada and itrsquos unlikely to be overturned any-time soon Even though from a purely theoretical legal analysis that cap does not apply to pain and suffering damages for victims of sexual assault and sexual abuse the reality is that judges still use that cap as a high water mark even though it doesnrsquot formally apply mdash it is still a de facto cap and to be honest with you it is almost impos-sible to get anywhere near that cap for compensation for pain and suf-fering A typical pain and suffering award in Canada for childhood sex-ual abuse is somewhere between $100000 and $200000 Anything on top of that would be associated economic loss or care costs
MS Itrsquos quite unfortunate that even though therersquos no real cap the law behaves as if there were one
SJ Yep I couldnrsquot agree with you more Itrsquos very unfortunate
MS I understand that in 2005 the government of Ontario convened whatrsquos known as the Cornwall Pub-lic Inquiry Was the Inquiry con-vened to address the issues of sex-ual abuse and sexual assault and
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 43)
the way the justice system is han-dling it
SJ Thatrsquos probably one of the reasons the Inquiry was convened Thatrsquos one of the hopes The In-quiry was convened because of what was going on in a little city east of Toronto mdash a series of allega-tions against very prominent mem-bers of that community involving the sexual abuse of children over a period of many many years The idea behind the Inquiry is to try to figure out what happened and to put in place some recommenda-tions that will not only stop some-thing like the abuse in Cornwall from happening again but will also try to help those who were affected by the events in the first place And to some extent I think some good will come of the Inquiry Hopefully the recommendations will be good for survivors of childhood sexual abuse or any kind of sexual assault The Submission phase of the In-quiry officially ended late February 2009
MS Did you have the opportunity to testify before the Inquiry
SJ I did not personally testify before the Inquiry Testimony was generally limited to the people ac-tually involved mdash police officers vic-tims what not I was involved in the Inquiry with regards to a panel discussionroundtable that they had regarding the use of confiden-tiality agreements
MS As you probably know Male-Survivor was first founded in the early 1980s by a group of thera-pists who were concerned about support for victims of childhood
sexual abuse and although Male-Survivor is still not a very large or-ganization it has increased its in-fluence significantly over the years and Irsquom wondering whether there is a similar non-profit or other group in Canada that also is dedi-cated to helping victims of child-hood sexual abuse
SJ There are some grass roots organizations that deal with victims of childhood sexual abuse or adult sexual assault I donrsquot believe there is as cohesive a unit as MaleSurvi-vor I may be wrong on that but there are smaller more community based organizations that assist sur-vivors That being said resources available to survivors are unfortu-nately pretty limited
MS Is that because there are too few therapists in that form of prac-tice
SJ I think itrsquos a mixture of many different things First of all Canada has a much smaller population base mdash 30 million people as com-pared to 300 million in the United States mdash so you have significantly fewer people affected and there-fore you have significantly fewer resources available to those people The services that we do have will often have very long waiting lists before people can access them There are some very very good counselors in Canada assisting sur-vivors but unfortunately the waiting lists are sometimes long and the availability for public funding to provide services free of charge is somewhat limited
MS Is there anything in your opinion about the Canadian health
February 2009
Page 45
system that contributes to the scar-city of services
SJ I donrsquot know if itrsquos the Cana-dian health system I think that in Canada we have a pretty good public health system in the sense that anybody who needs medical services can access those services free of charge The problem is that a lot of these services are not covered under our health system per se Many are covered under either private plans or pay as you go type services and itrsquos just a question of finding the people who can provide these services and being lucky enough to get them when they either donrsquot have a waiting list or other-wise having to wait until your name comes up on that waiting list
MS And that could takes years in some cases it seems
SJ My understanding is that those waiting lists can be quite long but there are very good peo-ple out there Itrsquos just a question of finding them and being able to afford them
MS Can you elaborate on other differences between the US and Canada that affect the way survi-vors and perpetrators are treated by the legal system and the media
SJ The differences between Can-ada and the US are really huge On the surface Americans and Canadi-ans look pretty much the same dress the same talk the same eat the same foods and by and large watch the same TV but culturally there is a huge difference in the way we look at the world in the
way our legal system works and the way that people interact with one another
Americans are much more litigious by na-ture I think this is due to the fact that in the United States mdash at least as seen from the outside mdash the rights of the individual are paramount In Can-ada less so Canada is much more commu-nity-oriented We of-tentimes think about how something is going to affect others instead of looking at what an individual might be entitled to I think that the high
damage awards available through the American legal system are beneficial in sexual abuse cases as is the lack of a cap on awards which we have
In some ways though our legal system is much better for my cli-ents than the US system would be because of the way that our actual process works One of the things that I know is very damaging to a lot of plaintiffs in the United States is the whole discovery process tak-
ing depositions Depositions can go on for a huge number of days and pretty much everybody in the per-sonrsquos life can be called to give a deposition That is very troubling and painful for people who donrsquot necessarily want others to know about their abuse or donrsquot want to involve their family Here in Canada depositions mdash or what we call the examination for discovery mdash are lim-ited to the actual named parties in the lawsuit The defendant and the plaintiff are examined for discovery or deposed if you will Anyone who is not an actual party to the litiga-tion can only be discovered under court orders and itrsquos very difficult to get those court orders so in that sense itrsquos a much quicker cleaner process and less intrusive on some-onersquos life So that is probably a good thing
The other really huge difference between the two systems which I think does in fact impact on why a lot of these cases settle as opposed to going to court and oftentimes settle for very different amounts of money than they would if they went to court is that in Canada we have a ldquoloser paysrdquo system If you go to court and you lose you have to pay at least a portion of the fees incurred by the other side Letrsquos say the defendantrsquos settlement offer is $100000 If the plaintiff does not accept that $100000 and at trial the plaintiff gets $99000 then the plaintiff has to pay the lawyerrsquos fees of the defendant because the award is less than the settlement offer That is very difficult That means that a lot of cases are set-tled for probably less money than
(Continued on page 46)
ldquoOn the surface
Americans and
Canadians look pretty
much the same hellip but
culturally there is a
huge difference in the
way we look at the
world in the way our
legal system works and
the way that people
interact with one
anotherldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 46
MS I join you in that hope Any-thing that can advance the cause of not only helping people but also helping prevent further abuses is always going to be welcome If you could set forth a vision of how you would like to see the law and the therapeutic community in Canada evolve to handle matters of child-
hood sexual abuse and sexual assault mdash if you could influence the reform of institu-tions what would your vision be
SJ Oh Richard Wow Well first and foremost I would love to raise public aware-ness of this issue for various reasons I think that increased public awareness will not necessarily reduce the instances of abuse but will help improve how abuse is dealt with when itrsquos ongoing and after-wards Itrsquos very im-portant that when a child is hurt that
child knows that he can go to peo-ple for help and support All too often if kids get up enough cour-age to tell someone the reaction they get is not very positive I think that with increased public aware-ness hopefully people will under-stand that there are ways to deal with this that will decrease the amount of harm so public aware-ness is paramount
I would like the legal system to raise compensation awards for sur-
turning point in bringing to the publicrsquos attention that the sexual assault of children can happen does happen and itrsquos a very diffi-cult thing for anyone to go through whether theyrsquore little boys or grown men that were abused as children It brought childhood sex-ual abuse out of the shadows to a certain extent The scandal still garners media attention as new survivors come forward but not the same as it did 10 years ago
MS Would you say that the lack of inves-tigative reporting is a cultural phenomenon or is it that the news-papers donrsquot feel they have that role
SJ Oh no Canadian newspapers do feel that they have a role in investigating things but for whatever rea-son sexual abuse of children has not been a priority The Cana-dian media really has not been at the forefront of this issue the way the media in the United States has been and I think that is tremen-dously disappointing The lack of media attention means that we arenrsquot fostering the awareness within the public that we need in order to provide real help and ser-vices for survivors We need the mediarsquos help to bring this horrific crime to light and to help stop it from happening
they would get if they went to court because that risk of going to court and not getting at least the amount of the original offer weighs heavily on everyone Our system is designed and geared toward avoid-ing trials which can be good be-cause nobody really wants to go through a trial but can be bad be-cause people become very intimi-dated by the prospect of losing or not getting as much as the settle-ment offer and being indebted to the defendant for a lot of money Thatrsquos a scary scary thing to go through
With regards to the media the US has a media that by and large has helped out a lot with sexual abuse cases The whole issue of clergy abuse really started with investiga-tive reporting by the Boston Globe right
MS Right
SJ They really took that issue and just ran with it Here in Canada we really havenrsquot had the same kind of investigative media cover-age as yoursquove had which is why events like the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal are not as huge as they are down in the States
Before Martin Kruze committed sui-cide the media was only somewhat interested in the Maple Leaf Gar-dens scandal Martin Kruze was a figure because he had sued the Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Com-plex But after he committed sui-cide the media was really galva-nized and that was probably a
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 45)
ldquoThe lack of media
attention means that we
arenrsquot fostering the
awareness within the
public that we need in
order to provide real
help and services for
survivors We need the
mediarsquos help to bring
this horrific crime to
light and to help stop it
from happeningrdquo
February 2009
Page 47
ments but it canrsquot at this stage really happen through the courts
I would want there to be an ability for institutions or perpetrators mdash de-fendants mdash to look beyond mere dollars and cents and look toward healing the person that they have hurt either directly or indirectly All too often in these cases we really become tied up in the legal minu-tiae of things as opposed to defen-dants saying ldquoOK letrsquos step back here and letrsquos try to helprdquo
I wish that there were a real under-standing that these cases are not car accident cases and they should
not be treated as car accident cases My clients are not people whorsquove broken a leg and therefore need X amount of dollars in order to pay for medical services or whatnot And unfortu-nately that doesnrsquot necessarily happen
In terms of the thera-peutic community I would love to see counseling and therapy ses-sions be paid for through the pub-lic purse so that people who re-quire the services of highly-skilled counselors and therapists and psy-chologists can access those services without having to pay for them A lot of clients just donrsquot have the economic means to pay for such services until after they get a set-tlement and that could take years It would be wonderful to see those kinds of services funded the same way as a trip to the emergency room or a trip to your family doc-tor for a cold is funded Irsquod love to
vivors The amount of damage that can be done as a result of child-hood abuse or in fact any kind of sexual assault is tremendous It affects almost every aspect of someonersquos life It becomes inter-generational because it affects the people around the survivor and compensation awards are still very much a pale reflection of what is needed in order to help these peo-ple I hope that at some point our judges and our legislature under-stand that need and can corre-spondingly give appropriate and reasonable damage awards so that people can start to rebuild their lives in a meaningful way
I would love there to be an opportunity within our civil system for more than just compensation At this stage the only thing that a civil judge can do is award monetary compensation There are a lot of creative things that you can do within a settlement that are not purely fi-nancial that can give a lot of sol-ace to someone who has been abused whether that be in the form of some non-financial healing whether it be in the form of a situation where somebody can con-front their abuser if thatrsquos what they wish to do in a safe setting or whether itrsquos the ability for that sur-vivor to do something outside of pure simple dollars and put for-ward some sort of healing plan that is as individual as they are That can happen through settle-
be able to see that I think that that would go a long way to helping people earlier rather than later
Ultimately I wish that this situation didnrsquot exist anymore and I would be put out of business frankly
MS Well I can certainly sympa-thize with the way you feel but it would seem that you have a career ahead of you dealing with this problem
SJ Unfortunately I think you are right I think that instances of child-hood sexual abuse are not neces-sarily going down I think that insti-tutions are getting a little bit better at putting in place policies and sometimes even following their own policies to stop pedophiles from entering those institutions and preying on people that those insti-tutions are theoretically set up to serve but I think that as long as the problem of childhood sexual abuse is with us I will be out there trying to help anybody that I can
MS Is there anything else yoursquod like to say to our readers
SJ I think that organizations such as MaleSurvivor are imperative in helping people understand that they are not alone that itrsquos not their fault and there are ways to get help So hats off to an organi-zation such as yours The clients I have who are involved in your or-ganization are very very well served so I have to thank you for being a resource
MS Thank you very much for your kind comments and for your time Simona
ldquoUltimately I wish that
this situation didnrsquot exist
anymore and I would be
put out of business
franklyrdquo
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-
February 2009
Page 35
intimacy and sexuality issues) and PHASE Artistique (a 10 weeks art and movement therapy program) with a holistic approach to body and mind recovery
In 2008 the very first weekend of recovery (named PHASE Weekend) was created and CRIPHASE wishes to make the weekend an annual event In 2003 for the first time
CRIPHASE became a full member of the Table de Concertation en Agressions Sexuelles (a gathering of several organizations providing services to survivors in addition to representatives from the Justice the Health Minister and the police) This cooperation allows a better understanding of survivor issues and needs as well as a better coor-
within a non-profit organization that took the name CRIPHASE (Centre de Resources et drsquointervention Pour Hommes Abuseacutes Sexuellement dans lrsquoEnfance = Resource and Intervention Centre for Men who have been Sexually Abused in Childhood) For 10 years the Groups have survived on pri-vate funding and have provided two recovery Groups called PHASE 1 and PHASE 2 Each PHASE is a 10-week program serving non-offending male survivors over 18 years of age and of all sexual orienta-tions With its first public funding in 2004 of $38000 a director was en-gaged by the board of administration and in 2008 the PSOC (a funding body within the agency of Health and Social Services) fi-nally secured the future of CRIPHASE with a first major funding rooting CRIPHASE in the circle of sexual abuse survivors centres
Since 2006 CRIPHASE has devel-oped a major politics of visibility through the media conferences and meetings with the different actors of the Queacutebeacutecois stage Three more programs have been developed within CRIPHASE PHASE Conjoint (for partners of male survivors) PHASE Sexo (a 10 weeks program of recovery focusing on
dination of services on the ground From within the Table CRIPHASE has been able to educate people on the issue of male survivors and participate or initiate projects such as the Information Guide for Sexual Assault Victims and the first pre-vention mobilization and aware-ness march for sexual abuse survi-vors in 2008 The presence of CRIPHASE at the Table has also
allowed the feminists within the CALACS to have a better under-standing of the suffer-ing of male survivors who are also victims in their own way of an old patriarchal system CRIPHASE was also finally incorporated in the CALACS coordina-tion groupmdashcalled Table des CALACS mdash in 2008
Until 2008 there were no services provided in English (Queacutebec is a French-speaking province where Eng-lish speakers are a minority) due to lack of funding to translate the PHASE 1 docu-ments and employ English-speaking therapists The project
to offer groups in English had been put aside for years but finally in 2008 the first groups of PHASE 1 and 2 opened for English speakers The PHASE Artistique and PHASE Weekend are now bilingual pro-grams
(Continued on page 36)
Phone calls received at CRIPHASE
male survivors
therapists
relatives and loved ones
other
The average male survivor using the services at CRIPHASE is aged between 35 and 55
Vol 2 No 2
Page 36
Male survivors in the Native American
communities Recovery programs within Native American communities are only starting Many Native American men were sexually abused as well as psychologically and emotionally abused when they were sent to boarding schools across the province for assimila-tion The effects of this traumatic experience (including historic trauma) can be seen in all First Nations of Queacutebec Algonquians Cris Innus Abenakis Innuits Micmacs and so forth Today there is a strong need of heal-ing for this lost gen-eration but traumatic experiences and con-sequences have been passed on to the next generations Unfortu-nately sexual abuse is one of these problems which need to be addressed through prevention and coun-seling in a way that will integrate Native American traditions and their holistic ap-proach to medicine Such programs already exist within some communi-ties Organizations like GRIPMA (Groupe de Recherches et dInter-ventions Psychosociales en Milieu Autochtone = Research and Inter-vention group in Aboriginal Com-munities) located in the Huron
History of Male Survivor Services (Continued from page 35)
community of Wendake (near Queacute-bec city) provide a clinical expertise in intervention within Native Ameri-can communities On the other side the Aboriginal Healing Foun-dation based in Ottawa is currently funding 16 recovery projects for the First Nations in Queacutebec ad-dressing sexual abuse addiction prevention of suicide boarding schools trauma etc until 2010
Last year the publication of the five-year funding plan on sexual abuse by the provincial govern-ment of Queacutebec has seen the recognition of male survivors as a population in great need of ser-vices It has also recognized the necessity of providing services to the First Nations communities
Things are changing in Queacutebec for male survivors Because CRIPHASE is the only organization providing support and counseling to men in Queacutebec who have been sexually abused in childhood there is great hope for an increase of funding this year The constant develop-ment of CRIPHASE and the increase in phone calls and numbers of guys within the services (in 2008-
2009 there will be seven groups of PHASE 1 in-stead of five the year before) also show that men in Queacutebec are get-ting the right information on sexual abuse and services and are being encouraged to look for help and engage in re-covery
If you are one of these men in Queacutebec we are waiting for your call Remember you are not alone
For the annual march event please visit wwwmarchevasca (Information for the May 2009 march will be on line from February 2009)
Quilt Square by a Native Child from Alberta From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 37
MaleSurvivor is men surviving sexual abuse in Canada we will start with Canadarsquos sad legacy of abuse of children by clergy
A Brief Incomplete Canadian History
In Canada our First Nations People have had to bear the legacy of abuse they endured in Canadarsquos notorious residential schools Cur-rent issues of addictions and family and mental health problems amongst our First Nations people can be traced back to the legacy of abuse experienced by Native chil-dren in residential schools
Around 1874 the federal government began working with the churches (Catholic Anglican United and Presbyte-rian) to set up the Residential School System as a means to suppress Native cul-ture and promote assimilation In gen-eral children between the ages of five and 16 were taken from their parents and sent to church-run residen-tial schools The extent of the abuse in these church-run schools has been referred to as the ldquoCanadian Holocaustrdquo Recently the Canadian Government formed the Truth and Reconciliation Commis-sion (TRC) as part of the court-approved Indian Residential Schools Settlement Agreement The
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious
Leader By Nancy N Mayer MSW RSW
Partner Crisci amp Mayer Consultation Counselling and
Training Toronto wwwckmconsultationcom
Introduction
L ikely all the readers of this newsletter have knowledge and expertise about men
being physically sexually and emotionally abused Research tells us that abusers can come from any
walk of life and most often are known to the child or adult In the last decade abuse by clergy has finally ldquocome out of the closetrdquo so to
speak thanks to those brave survi-vors who have made public their experiences of being abused by clergy More than ever survivor groups are encouraging victims to report these crimes to the police and to consider seeking civil re-dress for their injuries Many groups believe that change in churches will only come when they are held accountable for the abuse perpetrated by clergy
This article will attempt to address the distinctive issues that are com-mon to this population of survivors Because the focus of this issue of
purpose of the commission is not to determine guilt or innocence but to create an historical account of the residential schools help people to heal and encourage reconciliation between Aboriginal and non-aboriginal Canadians
The notorious Mount Cashel Or-phanage is another Canadian leg-acy of sexual abuse by clergy This facility was operated in Newfound-land by the Christian Brothers More than a dozen priests were convicted after decades of abusing young boys at the orphanage
Mount Cashel Or-phanage closed in 1989 just six months after allegations of sexual physical and emotional abuse were published by the media (For more in depth information see Harris Michael Unholy Orders Trag-edy at Mount Cashel Ontario Viking Press 1990)
Like the US there have been hundreds and perhaps thou-sands of cases of children and vulner-
able adults abused by clergy in every religious denomination Unlike the US our country is not bound as strictly by statutes of limitations so lawsuits can proceed more freely Our sentences for convicted clerical sex offenders are
(Continued on page 38)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Nancy N Mayer
ldquo[First Nations] children
between the ages of five
and 16 were taken from
their parents and sent to
church-run residential
schools The extent of
the abuse in these
church-run schools has
been referred to as the
lsquoCanadian Holocaustrsquoldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 38
nowhere near as severe as those of our American neighbours Most first offenders will not serve a day in jail The civil awards for personal inju-ries are also quite low Our court system promotes set-tling these cases out of court When a case fails to go to trial it is not part of the public re-cord The widespread use of confidentiality orders media fatigue and Canadian reserve means that it is impos-sible to obtain accurate statistics on how often men are abused by clergy or even the ex-tent of the problem in this country
The Authority of Rel igious Leaders Religious organizations have always played a central role in our so-cieties They provide moral ethical and spiritual guidance Reli-gious teachings have given us a context and meaning for our lives Most religious belief revolves around a divine power or God Religious leaders (ministers priests rabbis elders nuns) are thought to be Godrsquos earthly repre-sentatives and are treated with reverence and respect They have intimate involvement with families and children at such vulnerable times as an illness death or other family crises They may have access
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 37)
to confidential information by virtue of their roles of confessor or counsellor A child brought up by religious parents is taught to re-spect these men and women Oth-ers associated with churches mdash choir leaders teachers cantors youth group leaders mdash are also considered trustworthy by virtue of their close
association with their religious organizations Most parents en-courage their childrenrsquos participa-tion in church-based activities believing them to be safe and wholesome
These leaders are considered to be esteemed authorities and as repre-sentatives of God wield a great deal of power Depending on the faith group there may be teachings
that support an unquestioning adherence to their instructions and guidance This makes children and vulnerable adults particularly sus-ceptible to exploitation by this group because they have access opportunity and trust
Misuse of Power Perpetrators can utilize their positions of power and trust to gain access to their victims some-times for extended periods of uninterrupted time They may tell children that they are being asked to ldquoserve Godrdquo or that they or their families will be punished if they do not do as instructed Chil-dren may be threatened with eternal damnation or blamed for leading the religious leader into sin If the religion con-siders premarital sex or same sex contacts as sinful the guilt will be compounded
In most cases the victim will not disclose or may disclose but not be
believed A child will have a difficult time convincing adults that he or she has been victimized The vic-timrsquos family culture or communi-ties have been socialized to see their religious leaders as unques-tionably good and incapable of lies This can lead to others denying or minimizing the victimrsquos experience of abuse The victim is initially harmed by the abuser and then is revictimized by those who cannot
ldquoMay Hope be Passed through Every Handrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 39
institutionrsquos response and lack of compassion and pastoral care
The Impact on Spir ituality
The frequently used term ldquosoul murderrdquo aptly describes what hap-pens when the abuser is a religious leader When the response of the religious institu-tion to a disclosure of abuse is experienced as self-serving and uncaring the survivor will likely lose his faith in the religious community of which he has been a part To belong and to feel connected is a basic human need When abused by clergy the loss of connection and belonging to what may have been a spiritual anchor can be devastating
To compound the harm the abuse may have occurred in a religious building The abuser may have worn traditional cleri-cal attire or may have made religious or biblical refer-ences As a result being exposed to religious symbols music or any other reminder can trigger flashbacks and other uncomfortable physical symptoms
The cleric is often considered Godrsquos representative on earth This gives the cleric power that surpasses his position and status When abuse is at the hands of a minister nun
accept that their spiritual leaders are capable of abuse There are many stories of clergy abuse survi-vors being abandoned by their religious communities (who side with the cleric) and their families who cannot face leaving the church that has given their lives meaning and comfort The resultant feelings of betrayal and abandonment are profound
The Role of the Religious Inst itutions
When religious institutions hold themselves up as ethical compasses and arbitrators of right and wrong society has an expectation that church leaders will act in a fair and moral way Many US Commissions and Grand Juries and Canadian reports such as the Winter Com-mission Report (Archdiocese of St Johns Newfoundland Canada 1990) Child Abuse in Community Institutions and Organizations and Improving Public and Professional Understanding (prepared for the Law Commission of Canada) all record and explain the dynamics that have lead to the failure of religious institutions to protect our children
While it is well known that any institution mdash educational recrea-tional or spiritual mdash is not immune from having sex offenders in its midst the religious institutions have a particular legacy of protect-ing the institution through aggres-sive legal tactics versus truth telling and reconciliation Many victims state that they have been less wounded by the actual abuse and profoundly more damaged by the
priest rabbi minister or elder the recipient of the abuse may experi-ence profound guilt for ldquoparticipatingrdquo in ldquosinfulrdquo behaviour mdash a mistaken belief that he is respon-sible for the abuse or shame that
he has ldquosinnedrdquo He may believe he is deserving of rejection or eternal damnation If he confesses he risks exposing the cleric who has likely done what he could to trick the victim into believing that he must maintain silence and secrecy One survivor describes feeling that rdquoIt was like being abused by God him-self If even God couldnrsquot love me how could anyone else ever love merdquo
These factors alone can leave a man who has been abused by clergy unable to find comfort and solace in what used to be his spiritual beliefs and his church Without these familiar beliefs the survivor is aban-
doned and alone when he most needs support
The Role of Gender While woman are ordained in some denominations there is still an imbalance of power between men and women in many religious tradi-tions For boys and men abused by male clerics embarrassment and
(Continued on page 40)
ldquoThe frequently used
term lsquosoul murderrsquo aptly
describes what happens
when the abuser is a
religious leader When
the response of the
religious institution to a
disclosure of abuse is
experienced as self-
serving and uncaring
the survivor will likely
lose his faith in the
religious community of
which he has been
a partrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 40
concerns of how they will be per-ceived promote silence For the boy or man abused by a female cleric there may be worries that he will be labelled the seducer or pres-sured to consider this ldquorelationshiprdquo as non-abusive
The study conducted by the John Jay Col-lege of Criminal Jus-tice regarding The Nature and Scope of the Problem of Sexual Abuse of Minors by Priests and Deacons in the Catholic Church (Washington DC USCCB 2004) found some very disturbing information about the age and gender of victims The largest group of reported victims (509) was between the ages of 11 and 14 273 of victims were 15 to 17 16 were eight to 10 and nearly 6 were under age seven Overall 81 of vic-tims were male and 19 female Male victims tended to be older than female victims Over 40 of all victims were males between the ages of 11 and 14
The largest group of reported victims in this study consisted of boys who were entering puberty This is a tumultuous time in most
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 39)
young menrsquos lives To have this period of development disrupted can contribute to many mental health problems including lack of confidence disruption of emo-tional sexual and psycho-social development isolation sexual identity confusion depression anxiety and abuse of substances
In Summary The harm experienced by those
who are abused by clergy is profound and multifaceted Some therapists will not want to work with survivors of clergy abuse due to the complexity of their issues their limited knowledge of the subject area possible religious biases and potential for litigation Most (but certainly not all) survivors will have experienced revictimization by their churches or religious institutions This compounded by abuse by a religious leader in a position of power will under-standably lead to unique challenges Survivors will have
significant trust issues that can impede the forming of a trusting therapeutic relationship with a therapist who will also be in a position of power and may be an employee of an institution With transparency and skill on the part of the therapist and tenacity on the part of the survivor effective thera-
peutic partnership can be achieved While recovery is difficult it is possible
The irony is that many survivors of abuse by clergy have a strong sense of integrity morality and perseverance They learned the lessons that the ldquoreligiousrdquo offend-ers failed to learn At the core of their beings these clergy abuse survivors are the prophets who have come to speak the truth and reveal the abuse and the decep-tions It is this desire for social justice truth telling belonging and connection that will allow a healthy spiritual belief system to rise out of the ashes of what has happened It is this healthy spiritual belief that makes many clergy abuse survivors persistent and tenacious in seeking recovery and social justice They are making a difference and chang-ing the world as we know it
ldquoThe harm experienced
by those who are
abused by clergy is
profound and
multifaceted Some
therapists will not want
to work with survivors
of clergy abuse due to
the complexity of their
issues their limited
knowledge of the
subject area possible
religious biases and
potential for litigationldquo
February 2009
Page 41
tion of it earlier in the lsquo90s but 1997 is when there was a critical mass of mostly male survivors coming forward and taking action against Maple Leaf Gardens Your question specifically was ldquoDid it play a role in my choice of ca-reersrdquo
MS Yes
SJ Yes and no The Maple Leaf
Gardens cases were not my first sexual assault cases but my in-volvement in these cases solidified my interest and desire to help sur-vivors
MS Could you take a few minutes to explain to our readers just what the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal was and why it has played a central role in revealing the extent of sex-ual abuse at least in the Toronto area
of my clients will say something like ldquoYou know this is not about the money I donrsquot care how much I get this is about something elserdquo And whatever that person seeks mdash an apology or the empowerment of filing a lawsuit or a million other unique things mdash that is why I do this kind of work Itrsquos about helping people through whatever process they need in order to begin that healing process the moving forward process
MS And also to provide your clients with a sense of justice
SJ Absolutely Justice is really not about the money itrsquos about the knowledge that theyrsquove come forward theyrsquove done something and theyrsquove empowered themselves It takes a tre-mendous amount of courage to do that I am always in awe of my cli-ents for the amount of courage they have They are my inspiration
MS Many Americans are unaware of the so-called Maple Leaf Gar-dens sex scandal that began some-time in the 1960s but didnrsquot come to wide public attention until 1997 the year after you began practicing law Did this scandal have some affect on your choice of career
SJ Actually the scandal did come to prominence before 1997 There was scattered media atten-
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 1)
SJ Sure There was a series of men who were employed at Maple Leaf Gardens which was the home of the Toronto Maple Leafs mdash the hockey club mdash who over a period of a couple of decades sexually abused probably hundreds of chil-dren It started in the lsquo60s it went on we believe until the early lsquo80s There were two principal men in-volved but there were at least three
others who also were ac-cused In order to under-stand why the Maple Leaf Gardens sex scandals are as important as they are you have to understand that hockey in Toronto and hockey in Canada is almost a religion Hockey is to Canadians what the NFL or Major League Baseball is to Americans Every little boy dreams of about becoming the next Wayne Gretzky becoming the best hockey player he can be Maple Leaf Gar-dens was the home of one of the best loved and biggest hockey teams mdash the Toronto Maple Leafs The Gardens was the high
temple of hockey in Canada and still is In the lsquo60s lsquo70s and even the lsquo80s children mdash mostly boys mdash would go to Maple Leaf Gardens usually unaccompanied by their parents because back then nobody really thought that anything bad would happen to them at the Gar-dens The boys would go there ei-ther for practice games or to watch the Maple Leafs play or more likely they would go to watch To-
(Continued on page 42)
ldquoMaple Leaf Gardens in Memory of Martin Kruzerdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 42
ronto Marlies games The Marlies were the farm team for the Toronto Maple Leafs During these games and these practices the pedophiles who worked at the Gardenrsquos would often befriend these boys seeking out boys who were more vulner-able than others most likely and would sexually assault the boys sometimes off-property but most often within the Gardens itself They would use their position as employees of the Gardens to be able to say to the boys if you come with me Irsquoll get you a broken hockey stick or hockey puck or Irsquoll get you into better seats the next game or whatever other type of inducement would be necessary to get the boys to go with them into either a washroom or a training room or other private place where the boys would be sexually abused
In 1997 there were about 50 or 60 cases all joined to-gether and Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Entertainment Ltd wanted to settle all the cases prior to the Toronto Maple Leafs moving into a new hockey rink called the Air Canada Center so as to have a clean slate at the new rink By and large a lot of the litigation was fin-ished before the team moved into the Air Canada Center but not all of it In fact there are probably 17 or 19 cases going through the court
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 41)
system today more than 10 years after the original large group of plaintiffs went through the court and I believe that new people will continue to come forward when they are strong enough
MS I understand that one of the principal plaintiffs in the case Mar-tin Kruze had settled with the owners or the operators of the Ma-ple Leaf Gardens in 1995 and that he signed a confidentiality agree-ment not to reveal the settlement
or perhaps even the details of what had happened to him Do you think that the confidentiality agree-ment Mr Kruze agreed to slowed down or hindered the full exposure of this scandal
SJ I think that any confidentiality agreement blocks public access to knowledge and to understanding so I do suspect that Martinrsquos confi-dentiality agreement did have some impact on the scandal re-
maining hidden for as long as it did Absolutely yes I believe that confidentiality agreements are in-herently difficult for plaintiffs be-cause they create and continue a cycle of secrecy Sexual assault is a crime that is almost always carried out in secret and the guilt and shame it produces is key in helping pedophiles maintain their hold over their victims Putting a confidential-ity agreement on a settlement just perpetuates the guilt and the shame
MS Unfortunately Martin Kruzersquos principal perpetrator received a shockingly light sen-tence for all his actions and I understand that this led to Martin com-mitting suicide shortly afterwards
SJ I would think that the perpetratorrsquos sentence was a part of why Martin chose to end his life yes It hap-pened relatively shortly after the sentencing and I suspect that it weighed heavily on Martinrsquos decision
MS Do you think that the sen-tence that the perpetrator received was a reflection of the then current attitude towards pedophiles and sexual abuse
SJ The sentence that the perpe-trator received was a reflection on the way that the Canadian justice system deals with criminals regard-ing personal crimes absolutely It was a very low sentence in keep-
Imants Kruze visiting his sonrsquos memorial quilt square in the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 43
obtain here versus how much they can obtain in the United States In the United States there is no cap for pain and suffering awards whereas here in Canada there is a very small cap mdash about $325000 If a survivor of sexual assault goes through the court system and even if they have a very good day in court in terms of compensation yoursquore probably looking at an award for dam-ages somewhere be-tween $200000 and $500000 Sometimes itrsquos actually less than $200000 and very very rarely more than $500000 so in that sense we are defi-nitely behind But I donrsquot think itrsquos a question of waiting 10 years to see if we ldquocatch uprdquo I think itrsquos just a fundamental difference in how our court system works and whatrsquos available to survivors in terms of compensation
If you mean that Canada is 10 years behind in dealing with other aspects of sexual assault then you are probably correct in terms of media attention public awareness and outrage Sexual assault is still largely an unreported unprose-cuted crime But things are getting better every day and as more and more survivors come forward posi-tive changes will continue to hap-pen
MS As Irsquom sure you know therersquos periodic discussion about tort re-
ing with what was handed out at the time and to a large extent itrsquos still in keeping with what is handed out right now
MS Are you still representing or have you represented anyone who is a plaintiff in this scandal
SJ I was very much involved in the core group of Maple Leaf Gar-dens survivors that came forward in 1997 I was on what was called the plaintiffsrsquo committee back then which was a group of a few lawyers who brought the litigation forward I represented a number of plaintiffs in the original group that came forward I have also represented quite a few men throughout the last 10 years and currently repre-sent two men in the last group of plaintiffs to come forward I have also been approached by at least two other men who may decide to pursue litigation
MS Dale English mdash who has spo-ken to you at some length mdash has said to me that either you or he or both of you have felt that Canada is perhaps 10 or more years behind the US in dealing with the issues of sexual abuse and sexual assault Could you elaborate on that com-ment
SJ I think it depends on what you mean by dealing with the is-sues If you mean dealing with the issues in terms of bringing civil cases forward to a certain extent we are behind One of the funda-mental differences between the United States and Canada is the way that our tort systems operate and specifically the amount of compensation that tort victims can
form in the United States mainly aimed at capping punitive dam-ages Irsquom wondering whether there is the mirror of that in Canada mdash whether therersquos any movement to-wards tort reform that would allow greater awards to victims
SJ Well there is and there isnrsquot In Canada itrsquos very difficult if not
impossible to get pu-nitive damages espe-cially if therersquos a criminal conviction The punitive damages that are available in Canada are very low A typical punitive damage award would be $20000 or $25000 - usually not much more than that So damages are quite restricted here in any event In terms of tort reform I think there is a global push by in-surance companies to
try to limit compensation whether in the States or here The things that the American Association of Justice are fighting for down in the States are the same things that the Ontario Trial Lawyers Association are fighting for here mdash the continued ability to sue for compensation un-hampered by legislative roadblocks benefitting powerful institutional defendants to the detriment of those who have suffered Ours is a much smaller playing field and therefore less money is at stake In terms of plaintiffsrsquo lawyers wersquore trying to maximize the compensa-tion that we can get for our client Every time we go to court we try
(Continued on page 44)
ldquoIf you mean that
Canada is 10 years
behind in dealing with
other aspects of sexual
assault then you are
probably correct in
terms of media
attention public
awareness and outrageldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 44
to get a higher damage award so that that case will be a building block for future cases There are always attempts to try to circum-vent the cap on pain and suffering damages that we have Itrsquos not an easy thing to do the cap has been in place in Canada for 32 years now It was put in place in 1977 by the Supreme Court of Canada and itrsquos unlikely to be overturned any-time soon Even though from a purely theoretical legal analysis that cap does not apply to pain and suffering damages for victims of sexual assault and sexual abuse the reality is that judges still use that cap as a high water mark even though it doesnrsquot formally apply mdash it is still a de facto cap and to be honest with you it is almost impos-sible to get anywhere near that cap for compensation for pain and suf-fering A typical pain and suffering award in Canada for childhood sex-ual abuse is somewhere between $100000 and $200000 Anything on top of that would be associated economic loss or care costs
MS Itrsquos quite unfortunate that even though therersquos no real cap the law behaves as if there were one
SJ Yep I couldnrsquot agree with you more Itrsquos very unfortunate
MS I understand that in 2005 the government of Ontario convened whatrsquos known as the Cornwall Pub-lic Inquiry Was the Inquiry con-vened to address the issues of sex-ual abuse and sexual assault and
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 43)
the way the justice system is han-dling it
SJ Thatrsquos probably one of the reasons the Inquiry was convened Thatrsquos one of the hopes The In-quiry was convened because of what was going on in a little city east of Toronto mdash a series of allega-tions against very prominent mem-bers of that community involving the sexual abuse of children over a period of many many years The idea behind the Inquiry is to try to figure out what happened and to put in place some recommenda-tions that will not only stop some-thing like the abuse in Cornwall from happening again but will also try to help those who were affected by the events in the first place And to some extent I think some good will come of the Inquiry Hopefully the recommendations will be good for survivors of childhood sexual abuse or any kind of sexual assault The Submission phase of the In-quiry officially ended late February 2009
MS Did you have the opportunity to testify before the Inquiry
SJ I did not personally testify before the Inquiry Testimony was generally limited to the people ac-tually involved mdash police officers vic-tims what not I was involved in the Inquiry with regards to a panel discussionroundtable that they had regarding the use of confiden-tiality agreements
MS As you probably know Male-Survivor was first founded in the early 1980s by a group of thera-pists who were concerned about support for victims of childhood
sexual abuse and although Male-Survivor is still not a very large or-ganization it has increased its in-fluence significantly over the years and Irsquom wondering whether there is a similar non-profit or other group in Canada that also is dedi-cated to helping victims of child-hood sexual abuse
SJ There are some grass roots organizations that deal with victims of childhood sexual abuse or adult sexual assault I donrsquot believe there is as cohesive a unit as MaleSurvi-vor I may be wrong on that but there are smaller more community based organizations that assist sur-vivors That being said resources available to survivors are unfortu-nately pretty limited
MS Is that because there are too few therapists in that form of prac-tice
SJ I think itrsquos a mixture of many different things First of all Canada has a much smaller population base mdash 30 million people as com-pared to 300 million in the United States mdash so you have significantly fewer people affected and there-fore you have significantly fewer resources available to those people The services that we do have will often have very long waiting lists before people can access them There are some very very good counselors in Canada assisting sur-vivors but unfortunately the waiting lists are sometimes long and the availability for public funding to provide services free of charge is somewhat limited
MS Is there anything in your opinion about the Canadian health
February 2009
Page 45
system that contributes to the scar-city of services
SJ I donrsquot know if itrsquos the Cana-dian health system I think that in Canada we have a pretty good public health system in the sense that anybody who needs medical services can access those services free of charge The problem is that a lot of these services are not covered under our health system per se Many are covered under either private plans or pay as you go type services and itrsquos just a question of finding the people who can provide these services and being lucky enough to get them when they either donrsquot have a waiting list or other-wise having to wait until your name comes up on that waiting list
MS And that could takes years in some cases it seems
SJ My understanding is that those waiting lists can be quite long but there are very good peo-ple out there Itrsquos just a question of finding them and being able to afford them
MS Can you elaborate on other differences between the US and Canada that affect the way survi-vors and perpetrators are treated by the legal system and the media
SJ The differences between Can-ada and the US are really huge On the surface Americans and Canadi-ans look pretty much the same dress the same talk the same eat the same foods and by and large watch the same TV but culturally there is a huge difference in the way we look at the world in the
way our legal system works and the way that people interact with one another
Americans are much more litigious by na-ture I think this is due to the fact that in the United States mdash at least as seen from the outside mdash the rights of the individual are paramount In Can-ada less so Canada is much more commu-nity-oriented We of-tentimes think about how something is going to affect others instead of looking at what an individual might be entitled to I think that the high
damage awards available through the American legal system are beneficial in sexual abuse cases as is the lack of a cap on awards which we have
In some ways though our legal system is much better for my cli-ents than the US system would be because of the way that our actual process works One of the things that I know is very damaging to a lot of plaintiffs in the United States is the whole discovery process tak-
ing depositions Depositions can go on for a huge number of days and pretty much everybody in the per-sonrsquos life can be called to give a deposition That is very troubling and painful for people who donrsquot necessarily want others to know about their abuse or donrsquot want to involve their family Here in Canada depositions mdash or what we call the examination for discovery mdash are lim-ited to the actual named parties in the lawsuit The defendant and the plaintiff are examined for discovery or deposed if you will Anyone who is not an actual party to the litiga-tion can only be discovered under court orders and itrsquos very difficult to get those court orders so in that sense itrsquos a much quicker cleaner process and less intrusive on some-onersquos life So that is probably a good thing
The other really huge difference between the two systems which I think does in fact impact on why a lot of these cases settle as opposed to going to court and oftentimes settle for very different amounts of money than they would if they went to court is that in Canada we have a ldquoloser paysrdquo system If you go to court and you lose you have to pay at least a portion of the fees incurred by the other side Letrsquos say the defendantrsquos settlement offer is $100000 If the plaintiff does not accept that $100000 and at trial the plaintiff gets $99000 then the plaintiff has to pay the lawyerrsquos fees of the defendant because the award is less than the settlement offer That is very difficult That means that a lot of cases are set-tled for probably less money than
(Continued on page 46)
ldquoOn the surface
Americans and
Canadians look pretty
much the same hellip but
culturally there is a
huge difference in the
way we look at the
world in the way our
legal system works and
the way that people
interact with one
anotherldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 46
MS I join you in that hope Any-thing that can advance the cause of not only helping people but also helping prevent further abuses is always going to be welcome If you could set forth a vision of how you would like to see the law and the therapeutic community in Canada evolve to handle matters of child-
hood sexual abuse and sexual assault mdash if you could influence the reform of institu-tions what would your vision be
SJ Oh Richard Wow Well first and foremost I would love to raise public aware-ness of this issue for various reasons I think that increased public awareness will not necessarily reduce the instances of abuse but will help improve how abuse is dealt with when itrsquos ongoing and after-wards Itrsquos very im-portant that when a child is hurt that
child knows that he can go to peo-ple for help and support All too often if kids get up enough cour-age to tell someone the reaction they get is not very positive I think that with increased public aware-ness hopefully people will under-stand that there are ways to deal with this that will decrease the amount of harm so public aware-ness is paramount
I would like the legal system to raise compensation awards for sur-
turning point in bringing to the publicrsquos attention that the sexual assault of children can happen does happen and itrsquos a very diffi-cult thing for anyone to go through whether theyrsquore little boys or grown men that were abused as children It brought childhood sex-ual abuse out of the shadows to a certain extent The scandal still garners media attention as new survivors come forward but not the same as it did 10 years ago
MS Would you say that the lack of inves-tigative reporting is a cultural phenomenon or is it that the news-papers donrsquot feel they have that role
SJ Oh no Canadian newspapers do feel that they have a role in investigating things but for whatever rea-son sexual abuse of children has not been a priority The Cana-dian media really has not been at the forefront of this issue the way the media in the United States has been and I think that is tremen-dously disappointing The lack of media attention means that we arenrsquot fostering the awareness within the public that we need in order to provide real help and ser-vices for survivors We need the mediarsquos help to bring this horrific crime to light and to help stop it from happening
they would get if they went to court because that risk of going to court and not getting at least the amount of the original offer weighs heavily on everyone Our system is designed and geared toward avoid-ing trials which can be good be-cause nobody really wants to go through a trial but can be bad be-cause people become very intimi-dated by the prospect of losing or not getting as much as the settle-ment offer and being indebted to the defendant for a lot of money Thatrsquos a scary scary thing to go through
With regards to the media the US has a media that by and large has helped out a lot with sexual abuse cases The whole issue of clergy abuse really started with investiga-tive reporting by the Boston Globe right
MS Right
SJ They really took that issue and just ran with it Here in Canada we really havenrsquot had the same kind of investigative media cover-age as yoursquove had which is why events like the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal are not as huge as they are down in the States
Before Martin Kruze committed sui-cide the media was only somewhat interested in the Maple Leaf Gar-dens scandal Martin Kruze was a figure because he had sued the Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Com-plex But after he committed sui-cide the media was really galva-nized and that was probably a
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 45)
ldquoThe lack of media
attention means that we
arenrsquot fostering the
awareness within the
public that we need in
order to provide real
help and services for
survivors We need the
mediarsquos help to bring
this horrific crime to
light and to help stop it
from happeningrdquo
February 2009
Page 47
ments but it canrsquot at this stage really happen through the courts
I would want there to be an ability for institutions or perpetrators mdash de-fendants mdash to look beyond mere dollars and cents and look toward healing the person that they have hurt either directly or indirectly All too often in these cases we really become tied up in the legal minu-tiae of things as opposed to defen-dants saying ldquoOK letrsquos step back here and letrsquos try to helprdquo
I wish that there were a real under-standing that these cases are not car accident cases and they should
not be treated as car accident cases My clients are not people whorsquove broken a leg and therefore need X amount of dollars in order to pay for medical services or whatnot And unfortu-nately that doesnrsquot necessarily happen
In terms of the thera-peutic community I would love to see counseling and therapy ses-sions be paid for through the pub-lic purse so that people who re-quire the services of highly-skilled counselors and therapists and psy-chologists can access those services without having to pay for them A lot of clients just donrsquot have the economic means to pay for such services until after they get a set-tlement and that could take years It would be wonderful to see those kinds of services funded the same way as a trip to the emergency room or a trip to your family doc-tor for a cold is funded Irsquod love to
vivors The amount of damage that can be done as a result of child-hood abuse or in fact any kind of sexual assault is tremendous It affects almost every aspect of someonersquos life It becomes inter-generational because it affects the people around the survivor and compensation awards are still very much a pale reflection of what is needed in order to help these peo-ple I hope that at some point our judges and our legislature under-stand that need and can corre-spondingly give appropriate and reasonable damage awards so that people can start to rebuild their lives in a meaningful way
I would love there to be an opportunity within our civil system for more than just compensation At this stage the only thing that a civil judge can do is award monetary compensation There are a lot of creative things that you can do within a settlement that are not purely fi-nancial that can give a lot of sol-ace to someone who has been abused whether that be in the form of some non-financial healing whether it be in the form of a situation where somebody can con-front their abuser if thatrsquos what they wish to do in a safe setting or whether itrsquos the ability for that sur-vivor to do something outside of pure simple dollars and put for-ward some sort of healing plan that is as individual as they are That can happen through settle-
be able to see that I think that that would go a long way to helping people earlier rather than later
Ultimately I wish that this situation didnrsquot exist anymore and I would be put out of business frankly
MS Well I can certainly sympa-thize with the way you feel but it would seem that you have a career ahead of you dealing with this problem
SJ Unfortunately I think you are right I think that instances of child-hood sexual abuse are not neces-sarily going down I think that insti-tutions are getting a little bit better at putting in place policies and sometimes even following their own policies to stop pedophiles from entering those institutions and preying on people that those insti-tutions are theoretically set up to serve but I think that as long as the problem of childhood sexual abuse is with us I will be out there trying to help anybody that I can
MS Is there anything else yoursquod like to say to our readers
SJ I think that organizations such as MaleSurvivor are imperative in helping people understand that they are not alone that itrsquos not their fault and there are ways to get help So hats off to an organi-zation such as yours The clients I have who are involved in your or-ganization are very very well served so I have to thank you for being a resource
MS Thank you very much for your kind comments and for your time Simona
ldquoUltimately I wish that
this situation didnrsquot exist
anymore and I would be
put out of business
franklyrdquo
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-
Vol 2 No 2
Page 36
Male survivors in the Native American
communities Recovery programs within Native American communities are only starting Many Native American men were sexually abused as well as psychologically and emotionally abused when they were sent to boarding schools across the province for assimila-tion The effects of this traumatic experience (including historic trauma) can be seen in all First Nations of Queacutebec Algonquians Cris Innus Abenakis Innuits Micmacs and so forth Today there is a strong need of heal-ing for this lost gen-eration but traumatic experiences and con-sequences have been passed on to the next generations Unfortu-nately sexual abuse is one of these problems which need to be addressed through prevention and coun-seling in a way that will integrate Native American traditions and their holistic ap-proach to medicine Such programs already exist within some communi-ties Organizations like GRIPMA (Groupe de Recherches et dInter-ventions Psychosociales en Milieu Autochtone = Research and Inter-vention group in Aboriginal Com-munities) located in the Huron
History of Male Survivor Services (Continued from page 35)
community of Wendake (near Queacute-bec city) provide a clinical expertise in intervention within Native Ameri-can communities On the other side the Aboriginal Healing Foun-dation based in Ottawa is currently funding 16 recovery projects for the First Nations in Queacutebec ad-dressing sexual abuse addiction prevention of suicide boarding schools trauma etc until 2010
Last year the publication of the five-year funding plan on sexual abuse by the provincial govern-ment of Queacutebec has seen the recognition of male survivors as a population in great need of ser-vices It has also recognized the necessity of providing services to the First Nations communities
Things are changing in Queacutebec for male survivors Because CRIPHASE is the only organization providing support and counseling to men in Queacutebec who have been sexually abused in childhood there is great hope for an increase of funding this year The constant develop-ment of CRIPHASE and the increase in phone calls and numbers of guys within the services (in 2008-
2009 there will be seven groups of PHASE 1 in-stead of five the year before) also show that men in Queacutebec are get-ting the right information on sexual abuse and services and are being encouraged to look for help and engage in re-covery
If you are one of these men in Queacutebec we are waiting for your call Remember you are not alone
For the annual march event please visit wwwmarchevasca (Information for the May 2009 march will be on line from February 2009)
Quilt Square by a Native Child from Alberta From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 37
MaleSurvivor is men surviving sexual abuse in Canada we will start with Canadarsquos sad legacy of abuse of children by clergy
A Brief Incomplete Canadian History
In Canada our First Nations People have had to bear the legacy of abuse they endured in Canadarsquos notorious residential schools Cur-rent issues of addictions and family and mental health problems amongst our First Nations people can be traced back to the legacy of abuse experienced by Native chil-dren in residential schools
Around 1874 the federal government began working with the churches (Catholic Anglican United and Presbyte-rian) to set up the Residential School System as a means to suppress Native cul-ture and promote assimilation In gen-eral children between the ages of five and 16 were taken from their parents and sent to church-run residen-tial schools The extent of the abuse in these church-run schools has been referred to as the ldquoCanadian Holocaustrdquo Recently the Canadian Government formed the Truth and Reconciliation Commis-sion (TRC) as part of the court-approved Indian Residential Schools Settlement Agreement The
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious
Leader By Nancy N Mayer MSW RSW
Partner Crisci amp Mayer Consultation Counselling and
Training Toronto wwwckmconsultationcom
Introduction
L ikely all the readers of this newsletter have knowledge and expertise about men
being physically sexually and emotionally abused Research tells us that abusers can come from any
walk of life and most often are known to the child or adult In the last decade abuse by clergy has finally ldquocome out of the closetrdquo so to
speak thanks to those brave survi-vors who have made public their experiences of being abused by clergy More than ever survivor groups are encouraging victims to report these crimes to the police and to consider seeking civil re-dress for their injuries Many groups believe that change in churches will only come when they are held accountable for the abuse perpetrated by clergy
This article will attempt to address the distinctive issues that are com-mon to this population of survivors Because the focus of this issue of
purpose of the commission is not to determine guilt or innocence but to create an historical account of the residential schools help people to heal and encourage reconciliation between Aboriginal and non-aboriginal Canadians
The notorious Mount Cashel Or-phanage is another Canadian leg-acy of sexual abuse by clergy This facility was operated in Newfound-land by the Christian Brothers More than a dozen priests were convicted after decades of abusing young boys at the orphanage
Mount Cashel Or-phanage closed in 1989 just six months after allegations of sexual physical and emotional abuse were published by the media (For more in depth information see Harris Michael Unholy Orders Trag-edy at Mount Cashel Ontario Viking Press 1990)
Like the US there have been hundreds and perhaps thou-sands of cases of children and vulner-
able adults abused by clergy in every religious denomination Unlike the US our country is not bound as strictly by statutes of limitations so lawsuits can proceed more freely Our sentences for convicted clerical sex offenders are
(Continued on page 38)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Nancy N Mayer
ldquo[First Nations] children
between the ages of five
and 16 were taken from
their parents and sent to
church-run residential
schools The extent of
the abuse in these
church-run schools has
been referred to as the
lsquoCanadian Holocaustrsquoldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 38
nowhere near as severe as those of our American neighbours Most first offenders will not serve a day in jail The civil awards for personal inju-ries are also quite low Our court system promotes set-tling these cases out of court When a case fails to go to trial it is not part of the public re-cord The widespread use of confidentiality orders media fatigue and Canadian reserve means that it is impos-sible to obtain accurate statistics on how often men are abused by clergy or even the ex-tent of the problem in this country
The Authority of Rel igious Leaders Religious organizations have always played a central role in our so-cieties They provide moral ethical and spiritual guidance Reli-gious teachings have given us a context and meaning for our lives Most religious belief revolves around a divine power or God Religious leaders (ministers priests rabbis elders nuns) are thought to be Godrsquos earthly repre-sentatives and are treated with reverence and respect They have intimate involvement with families and children at such vulnerable times as an illness death or other family crises They may have access
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 37)
to confidential information by virtue of their roles of confessor or counsellor A child brought up by religious parents is taught to re-spect these men and women Oth-ers associated with churches mdash choir leaders teachers cantors youth group leaders mdash are also considered trustworthy by virtue of their close
association with their religious organizations Most parents en-courage their childrenrsquos participa-tion in church-based activities believing them to be safe and wholesome
These leaders are considered to be esteemed authorities and as repre-sentatives of God wield a great deal of power Depending on the faith group there may be teachings
that support an unquestioning adherence to their instructions and guidance This makes children and vulnerable adults particularly sus-ceptible to exploitation by this group because they have access opportunity and trust
Misuse of Power Perpetrators can utilize their positions of power and trust to gain access to their victims some-times for extended periods of uninterrupted time They may tell children that they are being asked to ldquoserve Godrdquo or that they or their families will be punished if they do not do as instructed Chil-dren may be threatened with eternal damnation or blamed for leading the religious leader into sin If the religion con-siders premarital sex or same sex contacts as sinful the guilt will be compounded
In most cases the victim will not disclose or may disclose but not be
believed A child will have a difficult time convincing adults that he or she has been victimized The vic-timrsquos family culture or communi-ties have been socialized to see their religious leaders as unques-tionably good and incapable of lies This can lead to others denying or minimizing the victimrsquos experience of abuse The victim is initially harmed by the abuser and then is revictimized by those who cannot
ldquoMay Hope be Passed through Every Handrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 39
institutionrsquos response and lack of compassion and pastoral care
The Impact on Spir ituality
The frequently used term ldquosoul murderrdquo aptly describes what hap-pens when the abuser is a religious leader When the response of the religious institu-tion to a disclosure of abuse is experienced as self-serving and uncaring the survivor will likely lose his faith in the religious community of which he has been a part To belong and to feel connected is a basic human need When abused by clergy the loss of connection and belonging to what may have been a spiritual anchor can be devastating
To compound the harm the abuse may have occurred in a religious building The abuser may have worn traditional cleri-cal attire or may have made religious or biblical refer-ences As a result being exposed to religious symbols music or any other reminder can trigger flashbacks and other uncomfortable physical symptoms
The cleric is often considered Godrsquos representative on earth This gives the cleric power that surpasses his position and status When abuse is at the hands of a minister nun
accept that their spiritual leaders are capable of abuse There are many stories of clergy abuse survi-vors being abandoned by their religious communities (who side with the cleric) and their families who cannot face leaving the church that has given their lives meaning and comfort The resultant feelings of betrayal and abandonment are profound
The Role of the Religious Inst itutions
When religious institutions hold themselves up as ethical compasses and arbitrators of right and wrong society has an expectation that church leaders will act in a fair and moral way Many US Commissions and Grand Juries and Canadian reports such as the Winter Com-mission Report (Archdiocese of St Johns Newfoundland Canada 1990) Child Abuse in Community Institutions and Organizations and Improving Public and Professional Understanding (prepared for the Law Commission of Canada) all record and explain the dynamics that have lead to the failure of religious institutions to protect our children
While it is well known that any institution mdash educational recrea-tional or spiritual mdash is not immune from having sex offenders in its midst the religious institutions have a particular legacy of protect-ing the institution through aggres-sive legal tactics versus truth telling and reconciliation Many victims state that they have been less wounded by the actual abuse and profoundly more damaged by the
priest rabbi minister or elder the recipient of the abuse may experi-ence profound guilt for ldquoparticipatingrdquo in ldquosinfulrdquo behaviour mdash a mistaken belief that he is respon-sible for the abuse or shame that
he has ldquosinnedrdquo He may believe he is deserving of rejection or eternal damnation If he confesses he risks exposing the cleric who has likely done what he could to trick the victim into believing that he must maintain silence and secrecy One survivor describes feeling that rdquoIt was like being abused by God him-self If even God couldnrsquot love me how could anyone else ever love merdquo
These factors alone can leave a man who has been abused by clergy unable to find comfort and solace in what used to be his spiritual beliefs and his church Without these familiar beliefs the survivor is aban-
doned and alone when he most needs support
The Role of Gender While woman are ordained in some denominations there is still an imbalance of power between men and women in many religious tradi-tions For boys and men abused by male clerics embarrassment and
(Continued on page 40)
ldquoThe frequently used
term lsquosoul murderrsquo aptly
describes what happens
when the abuser is a
religious leader When
the response of the
religious institution to a
disclosure of abuse is
experienced as self-
serving and uncaring
the survivor will likely
lose his faith in the
religious community of
which he has been
a partrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 40
concerns of how they will be per-ceived promote silence For the boy or man abused by a female cleric there may be worries that he will be labelled the seducer or pres-sured to consider this ldquorelationshiprdquo as non-abusive
The study conducted by the John Jay Col-lege of Criminal Jus-tice regarding The Nature and Scope of the Problem of Sexual Abuse of Minors by Priests and Deacons in the Catholic Church (Washington DC USCCB 2004) found some very disturbing information about the age and gender of victims The largest group of reported victims (509) was between the ages of 11 and 14 273 of victims were 15 to 17 16 were eight to 10 and nearly 6 were under age seven Overall 81 of vic-tims were male and 19 female Male victims tended to be older than female victims Over 40 of all victims were males between the ages of 11 and 14
The largest group of reported victims in this study consisted of boys who were entering puberty This is a tumultuous time in most
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 39)
young menrsquos lives To have this period of development disrupted can contribute to many mental health problems including lack of confidence disruption of emo-tional sexual and psycho-social development isolation sexual identity confusion depression anxiety and abuse of substances
In Summary The harm experienced by those
who are abused by clergy is profound and multifaceted Some therapists will not want to work with survivors of clergy abuse due to the complexity of their issues their limited knowledge of the subject area possible religious biases and potential for litigation Most (but certainly not all) survivors will have experienced revictimization by their churches or religious institutions This compounded by abuse by a religious leader in a position of power will under-standably lead to unique challenges Survivors will have
significant trust issues that can impede the forming of a trusting therapeutic relationship with a therapist who will also be in a position of power and may be an employee of an institution With transparency and skill on the part of the therapist and tenacity on the part of the survivor effective thera-
peutic partnership can be achieved While recovery is difficult it is possible
The irony is that many survivors of abuse by clergy have a strong sense of integrity morality and perseverance They learned the lessons that the ldquoreligiousrdquo offend-ers failed to learn At the core of their beings these clergy abuse survivors are the prophets who have come to speak the truth and reveal the abuse and the decep-tions It is this desire for social justice truth telling belonging and connection that will allow a healthy spiritual belief system to rise out of the ashes of what has happened It is this healthy spiritual belief that makes many clergy abuse survivors persistent and tenacious in seeking recovery and social justice They are making a difference and chang-ing the world as we know it
ldquoThe harm experienced
by those who are
abused by clergy is
profound and
multifaceted Some
therapists will not want
to work with survivors
of clergy abuse due to
the complexity of their
issues their limited
knowledge of the
subject area possible
religious biases and
potential for litigationldquo
February 2009
Page 41
tion of it earlier in the lsquo90s but 1997 is when there was a critical mass of mostly male survivors coming forward and taking action against Maple Leaf Gardens Your question specifically was ldquoDid it play a role in my choice of ca-reersrdquo
MS Yes
SJ Yes and no The Maple Leaf
Gardens cases were not my first sexual assault cases but my in-volvement in these cases solidified my interest and desire to help sur-vivors
MS Could you take a few minutes to explain to our readers just what the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal was and why it has played a central role in revealing the extent of sex-ual abuse at least in the Toronto area
of my clients will say something like ldquoYou know this is not about the money I donrsquot care how much I get this is about something elserdquo And whatever that person seeks mdash an apology or the empowerment of filing a lawsuit or a million other unique things mdash that is why I do this kind of work Itrsquos about helping people through whatever process they need in order to begin that healing process the moving forward process
MS And also to provide your clients with a sense of justice
SJ Absolutely Justice is really not about the money itrsquos about the knowledge that theyrsquove come forward theyrsquove done something and theyrsquove empowered themselves It takes a tre-mendous amount of courage to do that I am always in awe of my cli-ents for the amount of courage they have They are my inspiration
MS Many Americans are unaware of the so-called Maple Leaf Gar-dens sex scandal that began some-time in the 1960s but didnrsquot come to wide public attention until 1997 the year after you began practicing law Did this scandal have some affect on your choice of career
SJ Actually the scandal did come to prominence before 1997 There was scattered media atten-
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 1)
SJ Sure There was a series of men who were employed at Maple Leaf Gardens which was the home of the Toronto Maple Leafs mdash the hockey club mdash who over a period of a couple of decades sexually abused probably hundreds of chil-dren It started in the lsquo60s it went on we believe until the early lsquo80s There were two principal men in-volved but there were at least three
others who also were ac-cused In order to under-stand why the Maple Leaf Gardens sex scandals are as important as they are you have to understand that hockey in Toronto and hockey in Canada is almost a religion Hockey is to Canadians what the NFL or Major League Baseball is to Americans Every little boy dreams of about becoming the next Wayne Gretzky becoming the best hockey player he can be Maple Leaf Gar-dens was the home of one of the best loved and biggest hockey teams mdash the Toronto Maple Leafs The Gardens was the high
temple of hockey in Canada and still is In the lsquo60s lsquo70s and even the lsquo80s children mdash mostly boys mdash would go to Maple Leaf Gardens usually unaccompanied by their parents because back then nobody really thought that anything bad would happen to them at the Gar-dens The boys would go there ei-ther for practice games or to watch the Maple Leafs play or more likely they would go to watch To-
(Continued on page 42)
ldquoMaple Leaf Gardens in Memory of Martin Kruzerdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 42
ronto Marlies games The Marlies were the farm team for the Toronto Maple Leafs During these games and these practices the pedophiles who worked at the Gardenrsquos would often befriend these boys seeking out boys who were more vulner-able than others most likely and would sexually assault the boys sometimes off-property but most often within the Gardens itself They would use their position as employees of the Gardens to be able to say to the boys if you come with me Irsquoll get you a broken hockey stick or hockey puck or Irsquoll get you into better seats the next game or whatever other type of inducement would be necessary to get the boys to go with them into either a washroom or a training room or other private place where the boys would be sexually abused
In 1997 there were about 50 or 60 cases all joined to-gether and Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Entertainment Ltd wanted to settle all the cases prior to the Toronto Maple Leafs moving into a new hockey rink called the Air Canada Center so as to have a clean slate at the new rink By and large a lot of the litigation was fin-ished before the team moved into the Air Canada Center but not all of it In fact there are probably 17 or 19 cases going through the court
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 41)
system today more than 10 years after the original large group of plaintiffs went through the court and I believe that new people will continue to come forward when they are strong enough
MS I understand that one of the principal plaintiffs in the case Mar-tin Kruze had settled with the owners or the operators of the Ma-ple Leaf Gardens in 1995 and that he signed a confidentiality agree-ment not to reveal the settlement
or perhaps even the details of what had happened to him Do you think that the confidentiality agree-ment Mr Kruze agreed to slowed down or hindered the full exposure of this scandal
SJ I think that any confidentiality agreement blocks public access to knowledge and to understanding so I do suspect that Martinrsquos confi-dentiality agreement did have some impact on the scandal re-
maining hidden for as long as it did Absolutely yes I believe that confidentiality agreements are in-herently difficult for plaintiffs be-cause they create and continue a cycle of secrecy Sexual assault is a crime that is almost always carried out in secret and the guilt and shame it produces is key in helping pedophiles maintain their hold over their victims Putting a confidential-ity agreement on a settlement just perpetuates the guilt and the shame
MS Unfortunately Martin Kruzersquos principal perpetrator received a shockingly light sen-tence for all his actions and I understand that this led to Martin com-mitting suicide shortly afterwards
SJ I would think that the perpetratorrsquos sentence was a part of why Martin chose to end his life yes It hap-pened relatively shortly after the sentencing and I suspect that it weighed heavily on Martinrsquos decision
MS Do you think that the sen-tence that the perpetrator received was a reflection of the then current attitude towards pedophiles and sexual abuse
SJ The sentence that the perpe-trator received was a reflection on the way that the Canadian justice system deals with criminals regard-ing personal crimes absolutely It was a very low sentence in keep-
Imants Kruze visiting his sonrsquos memorial quilt square in the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 43
obtain here versus how much they can obtain in the United States In the United States there is no cap for pain and suffering awards whereas here in Canada there is a very small cap mdash about $325000 If a survivor of sexual assault goes through the court system and even if they have a very good day in court in terms of compensation yoursquore probably looking at an award for dam-ages somewhere be-tween $200000 and $500000 Sometimes itrsquos actually less than $200000 and very very rarely more than $500000 so in that sense we are defi-nitely behind But I donrsquot think itrsquos a question of waiting 10 years to see if we ldquocatch uprdquo I think itrsquos just a fundamental difference in how our court system works and whatrsquos available to survivors in terms of compensation
If you mean that Canada is 10 years behind in dealing with other aspects of sexual assault then you are probably correct in terms of media attention public awareness and outrage Sexual assault is still largely an unreported unprose-cuted crime But things are getting better every day and as more and more survivors come forward posi-tive changes will continue to hap-pen
MS As Irsquom sure you know therersquos periodic discussion about tort re-
ing with what was handed out at the time and to a large extent itrsquos still in keeping with what is handed out right now
MS Are you still representing or have you represented anyone who is a plaintiff in this scandal
SJ I was very much involved in the core group of Maple Leaf Gar-dens survivors that came forward in 1997 I was on what was called the plaintiffsrsquo committee back then which was a group of a few lawyers who brought the litigation forward I represented a number of plaintiffs in the original group that came forward I have also represented quite a few men throughout the last 10 years and currently repre-sent two men in the last group of plaintiffs to come forward I have also been approached by at least two other men who may decide to pursue litigation
MS Dale English mdash who has spo-ken to you at some length mdash has said to me that either you or he or both of you have felt that Canada is perhaps 10 or more years behind the US in dealing with the issues of sexual abuse and sexual assault Could you elaborate on that com-ment
SJ I think it depends on what you mean by dealing with the is-sues If you mean dealing with the issues in terms of bringing civil cases forward to a certain extent we are behind One of the funda-mental differences between the United States and Canada is the way that our tort systems operate and specifically the amount of compensation that tort victims can
form in the United States mainly aimed at capping punitive dam-ages Irsquom wondering whether there is the mirror of that in Canada mdash whether therersquos any movement to-wards tort reform that would allow greater awards to victims
SJ Well there is and there isnrsquot In Canada itrsquos very difficult if not
impossible to get pu-nitive damages espe-cially if therersquos a criminal conviction The punitive damages that are available in Canada are very low A typical punitive damage award would be $20000 or $25000 - usually not much more than that So damages are quite restricted here in any event In terms of tort reform I think there is a global push by in-surance companies to
try to limit compensation whether in the States or here The things that the American Association of Justice are fighting for down in the States are the same things that the Ontario Trial Lawyers Association are fighting for here mdash the continued ability to sue for compensation un-hampered by legislative roadblocks benefitting powerful institutional defendants to the detriment of those who have suffered Ours is a much smaller playing field and therefore less money is at stake In terms of plaintiffsrsquo lawyers wersquore trying to maximize the compensa-tion that we can get for our client Every time we go to court we try
(Continued on page 44)
ldquoIf you mean that
Canada is 10 years
behind in dealing with
other aspects of sexual
assault then you are
probably correct in
terms of media
attention public
awareness and outrageldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 44
to get a higher damage award so that that case will be a building block for future cases There are always attempts to try to circum-vent the cap on pain and suffering damages that we have Itrsquos not an easy thing to do the cap has been in place in Canada for 32 years now It was put in place in 1977 by the Supreme Court of Canada and itrsquos unlikely to be overturned any-time soon Even though from a purely theoretical legal analysis that cap does not apply to pain and suffering damages for victims of sexual assault and sexual abuse the reality is that judges still use that cap as a high water mark even though it doesnrsquot formally apply mdash it is still a de facto cap and to be honest with you it is almost impos-sible to get anywhere near that cap for compensation for pain and suf-fering A typical pain and suffering award in Canada for childhood sex-ual abuse is somewhere between $100000 and $200000 Anything on top of that would be associated economic loss or care costs
MS Itrsquos quite unfortunate that even though therersquos no real cap the law behaves as if there were one
SJ Yep I couldnrsquot agree with you more Itrsquos very unfortunate
MS I understand that in 2005 the government of Ontario convened whatrsquos known as the Cornwall Pub-lic Inquiry Was the Inquiry con-vened to address the issues of sex-ual abuse and sexual assault and
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 43)
the way the justice system is han-dling it
SJ Thatrsquos probably one of the reasons the Inquiry was convened Thatrsquos one of the hopes The In-quiry was convened because of what was going on in a little city east of Toronto mdash a series of allega-tions against very prominent mem-bers of that community involving the sexual abuse of children over a period of many many years The idea behind the Inquiry is to try to figure out what happened and to put in place some recommenda-tions that will not only stop some-thing like the abuse in Cornwall from happening again but will also try to help those who were affected by the events in the first place And to some extent I think some good will come of the Inquiry Hopefully the recommendations will be good for survivors of childhood sexual abuse or any kind of sexual assault The Submission phase of the In-quiry officially ended late February 2009
MS Did you have the opportunity to testify before the Inquiry
SJ I did not personally testify before the Inquiry Testimony was generally limited to the people ac-tually involved mdash police officers vic-tims what not I was involved in the Inquiry with regards to a panel discussionroundtable that they had regarding the use of confiden-tiality agreements
MS As you probably know Male-Survivor was first founded in the early 1980s by a group of thera-pists who were concerned about support for victims of childhood
sexual abuse and although Male-Survivor is still not a very large or-ganization it has increased its in-fluence significantly over the years and Irsquom wondering whether there is a similar non-profit or other group in Canada that also is dedi-cated to helping victims of child-hood sexual abuse
SJ There are some grass roots organizations that deal with victims of childhood sexual abuse or adult sexual assault I donrsquot believe there is as cohesive a unit as MaleSurvi-vor I may be wrong on that but there are smaller more community based organizations that assist sur-vivors That being said resources available to survivors are unfortu-nately pretty limited
MS Is that because there are too few therapists in that form of prac-tice
SJ I think itrsquos a mixture of many different things First of all Canada has a much smaller population base mdash 30 million people as com-pared to 300 million in the United States mdash so you have significantly fewer people affected and there-fore you have significantly fewer resources available to those people The services that we do have will often have very long waiting lists before people can access them There are some very very good counselors in Canada assisting sur-vivors but unfortunately the waiting lists are sometimes long and the availability for public funding to provide services free of charge is somewhat limited
MS Is there anything in your opinion about the Canadian health
February 2009
Page 45
system that contributes to the scar-city of services
SJ I donrsquot know if itrsquos the Cana-dian health system I think that in Canada we have a pretty good public health system in the sense that anybody who needs medical services can access those services free of charge The problem is that a lot of these services are not covered under our health system per se Many are covered under either private plans or pay as you go type services and itrsquos just a question of finding the people who can provide these services and being lucky enough to get them when they either donrsquot have a waiting list or other-wise having to wait until your name comes up on that waiting list
MS And that could takes years in some cases it seems
SJ My understanding is that those waiting lists can be quite long but there are very good peo-ple out there Itrsquos just a question of finding them and being able to afford them
MS Can you elaborate on other differences between the US and Canada that affect the way survi-vors and perpetrators are treated by the legal system and the media
SJ The differences between Can-ada and the US are really huge On the surface Americans and Canadi-ans look pretty much the same dress the same talk the same eat the same foods and by and large watch the same TV but culturally there is a huge difference in the way we look at the world in the
way our legal system works and the way that people interact with one another
Americans are much more litigious by na-ture I think this is due to the fact that in the United States mdash at least as seen from the outside mdash the rights of the individual are paramount In Can-ada less so Canada is much more commu-nity-oriented We of-tentimes think about how something is going to affect others instead of looking at what an individual might be entitled to I think that the high
damage awards available through the American legal system are beneficial in sexual abuse cases as is the lack of a cap on awards which we have
In some ways though our legal system is much better for my cli-ents than the US system would be because of the way that our actual process works One of the things that I know is very damaging to a lot of plaintiffs in the United States is the whole discovery process tak-
ing depositions Depositions can go on for a huge number of days and pretty much everybody in the per-sonrsquos life can be called to give a deposition That is very troubling and painful for people who donrsquot necessarily want others to know about their abuse or donrsquot want to involve their family Here in Canada depositions mdash or what we call the examination for discovery mdash are lim-ited to the actual named parties in the lawsuit The defendant and the plaintiff are examined for discovery or deposed if you will Anyone who is not an actual party to the litiga-tion can only be discovered under court orders and itrsquos very difficult to get those court orders so in that sense itrsquos a much quicker cleaner process and less intrusive on some-onersquos life So that is probably a good thing
The other really huge difference between the two systems which I think does in fact impact on why a lot of these cases settle as opposed to going to court and oftentimes settle for very different amounts of money than they would if they went to court is that in Canada we have a ldquoloser paysrdquo system If you go to court and you lose you have to pay at least a portion of the fees incurred by the other side Letrsquos say the defendantrsquos settlement offer is $100000 If the plaintiff does not accept that $100000 and at trial the plaintiff gets $99000 then the plaintiff has to pay the lawyerrsquos fees of the defendant because the award is less than the settlement offer That is very difficult That means that a lot of cases are set-tled for probably less money than
(Continued on page 46)
ldquoOn the surface
Americans and
Canadians look pretty
much the same hellip but
culturally there is a
huge difference in the
way we look at the
world in the way our
legal system works and
the way that people
interact with one
anotherldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 46
MS I join you in that hope Any-thing that can advance the cause of not only helping people but also helping prevent further abuses is always going to be welcome If you could set forth a vision of how you would like to see the law and the therapeutic community in Canada evolve to handle matters of child-
hood sexual abuse and sexual assault mdash if you could influence the reform of institu-tions what would your vision be
SJ Oh Richard Wow Well first and foremost I would love to raise public aware-ness of this issue for various reasons I think that increased public awareness will not necessarily reduce the instances of abuse but will help improve how abuse is dealt with when itrsquos ongoing and after-wards Itrsquos very im-portant that when a child is hurt that
child knows that he can go to peo-ple for help and support All too often if kids get up enough cour-age to tell someone the reaction they get is not very positive I think that with increased public aware-ness hopefully people will under-stand that there are ways to deal with this that will decrease the amount of harm so public aware-ness is paramount
I would like the legal system to raise compensation awards for sur-
turning point in bringing to the publicrsquos attention that the sexual assault of children can happen does happen and itrsquos a very diffi-cult thing for anyone to go through whether theyrsquore little boys or grown men that were abused as children It brought childhood sex-ual abuse out of the shadows to a certain extent The scandal still garners media attention as new survivors come forward but not the same as it did 10 years ago
MS Would you say that the lack of inves-tigative reporting is a cultural phenomenon or is it that the news-papers donrsquot feel they have that role
SJ Oh no Canadian newspapers do feel that they have a role in investigating things but for whatever rea-son sexual abuse of children has not been a priority The Cana-dian media really has not been at the forefront of this issue the way the media in the United States has been and I think that is tremen-dously disappointing The lack of media attention means that we arenrsquot fostering the awareness within the public that we need in order to provide real help and ser-vices for survivors We need the mediarsquos help to bring this horrific crime to light and to help stop it from happening
they would get if they went to court because that risk of going to court and not getting at least the amount of the original offer weighs heavily on everyone Our system is designed and geared toward avoid-ing trials which can be good be-cause nobody really wants to go through a trial but can be bad be-cause people become very intimi-dated by the prospect of losing or not getting as much as the settle-ment offer and being indebted to the defendant for a lot of money Thatrsquos a scary scary thing to go through
With regards to the media the US has a media that by and large has helped out a lot with sexual abuse cases The whole issue of clergy abuse really started with investiga-tive reporting by the Boston Globe right
MS Right
SJ They really took that issue and just ran with it Here in Canada we really havenrsquot had the same kind of investigative media cover-age as yoursquove had which is why events like the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal are not as huge as they are down in the States
Before Martin Kruze committed sui-cide the media was only somewhat interested in the Maple Leaf Gar-dens scandal Martin Kruze was a figure because he had sued the Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Com-plex But after he committed sui-cide the media was really galva-nized and that was probably a
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 45)
ldquoThe lack of media
attention means that we
arenrsquot fostering the
awareness within the
public that we need in
order to provide real
help and services for
survivors We need the
mediarsquos help to bring
this horrific crime to
light and to help stop it
from happeningrdquo
February 2009
Page 47
ments but it canrsquot at this stage really happen through the courts
I would want there to be an ability for institutions or perpetrators mdash de-fendants mdash to look beyond mere dollars and cents and look toward healing the person that they have hurt either directly or indirectly All too often in these cases we really become tied up in the legal minu-tiae of things as opposed to defen-dants saying ldquoOK letrsquos step back here and letrsquos try to helprdquo
I wish that there were a real under-standing that these cases are not car accident cases and they should
not be treated as car accident cases My clients are not people whorsquove broken a leg and therefore need X amount of dollars in order to pay for medical services or whatnot And unfortu-nately that doesnrsquot necessarily happen
In terms of the thera-peutic community I would love to see counseling and therapy ses-sions be paid for through the pub-lic purse so that people who re-quire the services of highly-skilled counselors and therapists and psy-chologists can access those services without having to pay for them A lot of clients just donrsquot have the economic means to pay for such services until after they get a set-tlement and that could take years It would be wonderful to see those kinds of services funded the same way as a trip to the emergency room or a trip to your family doc-tor for a cold is funded Irsquod love to
vivors The amount of damage that can be done as a result of child-hood abuse or in fact any kind of sexual assault is tremendous It affects almost every aspect of someonersquos life It becomes inter-generational because it affects the people around the survivor and compensation awards are still very much a pale reflection of what is needed in order to help these peo-ple I hope that at some point our judges and our legislature under-stand that need and can corre-spondingly give appropriate and reasonable damage awards so that people can start to rebuild their lives in a meaningful way
I would love there to be an opportunity within our civil system for more than just compensation At this stage the only thing that a civil judge can do is award monetary compensation There are a lot of creative things that you can do within a settlement that are not purely fi-nancial that can give a lot of sol-ace to someone who has been abused whether that be in the form of some non-financial healing whether it be in the form of a situation where somebody can con-front their abuser if thatrsquos what they wish to do in a safe setting or whether itrsquos the ability for that sur-vivor to do something outside of pure simple dollars and put for-ward some sort of healing plan that is as individual as they are That can happen through settle-
be able to see that I think that that would go a long way to helping people earlier rather than later
Ultimately I wish that this situation didnrsquot exist anymore and I would be put out of business frankly
MS Well I can certainly sympa-thize with the way you feel but it would seem that you have a career ahead of you dealing with this problem
SJ Unfortunately I think you are right I think that instances of child-hood sexual abuse are not neces-sarily going down I think that insti-tutions are getting a little bit better at putting in place policies and sometimes even following their own policies to stop pedophiles from entering those institutions and preying on people that those insti-tutions are theoretically set up to serve but I think that as long as the problem of childhood sexual abuse is with us I will be out there trying to help anybody that I can
MS Is there anything else yoursquod like to say to our readers
SJ I think that organizations such as MaleSurvivor are imperative in helping people understand that they are not alone that itrsquos not their fault and there are ways to get help So hats off to an organi-zation such as yours The clients I have who are involved in your or-ganization are very very well served so I have to thank you for being a resource
MS Thank you very much for your kind comments and for your time Simona
ldquoUltimately I wish that
this situation didnrsquot exist
anymore and I would be
put out of business
franklyrdquo
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-
February 2009
Page 37
MaleSurvivor is men surviving sexual abuse in Canada we will start with Canadarsquos sad legacy of abuse of children by clergy
A Brief Incomplete Canadian History
In Canada our First Nations People have had to bear the legacy of abuse they endured in Canadarsquos notorious residential schools Cur-rent issues of addictions and family and mental health problems amongst our First Nations people can be traced back to the legacy of abuse experienced by Native chil-dren in residential schools
Around 1874 the federal government began working with the churches (Catholic Anglican United and Presbyte-rian) to set up the Residential School System as a means to suppress Native cul-ture and promote assimilation In gen-eral children between the ages of five and 16 were taken from their parents and sent to church-run residen-tial schools The extent of the abuse in these church-run schools has been referred to as the ldquoCanadian Holocaustrdquo Recently the Canadian Government formed the Truth and Reconciliation Commis-sion (TRC) as part of the court-approved Indian Residential Schools Settlement Agreement The
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious
Leader By Nancy N Mayer MSW RSW
Partner Crisci amp Mayer Consultation Counselling and
Training Toronto wwwckmconsultationcom
Introduction
L ikely all the readers of this newsletter have knowledge and expertise about men
being physically sexually and emotionally abused Research tells us that abusers can come from any
walk of life and most often are known to the child or adult In the last decade abuse by clergy has finally ldquocome out of the closetrdquo so to
speak thanks to those brave survi-vors who have made public their experiences of being abused by clergy More than ever survivor groups are encouraging victims to report these crimes to the police and to consider seeking civil re-dress for their injuries Many groups believe that change in churches will only come when they are held accountable for the abuse perpetrated by clergy
This article will attempt to address the distinctive issues that are com-mon to this population of survivors Because the focus of this issue of
purpose of the commission is not to determine guilt or innocence but to create an historical account of the residential schools help people to heal and encourage reconciliation between Aboriginal and non-aboriginal Canadians
The notorious Mount Cashel Or-phanage is another Canadian leg-acy of sexual abuse by clergy This facility was operated in Newfound-land by the Christian Brothers More than a dozen priests were convicted after decades of abusing young boys at the orphanage
Mount Cashel Or-phanage closed in 1989 just six months after allegations of sexual physical and emotional abuse were published by the media (For more in depth information see Harris Michael Unholy Orders Trag-edy at Mount Cashel Ontario Viking Press 1990)
Like the US there have been hundreds and perhaps thou-sands of cases of children and vulner-
able adults abused by clergy in every religious denomination Unlike the US our country is not bound as strictly by statutes of limitations so lawsuits can proceed more freely Our sentences for convicted clerical sex offenders are
(Continued on page 38)
A Caregiverrsquos Perspective
Nancy N Mayer
ldquo[First Nations] children
between the ages of five
and 16 were taken from
their parents and sent to
church-run residential
schools The extent of
the abuse in these
church-run schools has
been referred to as the
lsquoCanadian Holocaustrsquoldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 38
nowhere near as severe as those of our American neighbours Most first offenders will not serve a day in jail The civil awards for personal inju-ries are also quite low Our court system promotes set-tling these cases out of court When a case fails to go to trial it is not part of the public re-cord The widespread use of confidentiality orders media fatigue and Canadian reserve means that it is impos-sible to obtain accurate statistics on how often men are abused by clergy or even the ex-tent of the problem in this country
The Authority of Rel igious Leaders Religious organizations have always played a central role in our so-cieties They provide moral ethical and spiritual guidance Reli-gious teachings have given us a context and meaning for our lives Most religious belief revolves around a divine power or God Religious leaders (ministers priests rabbis elders nuns) are thought to be Godrsquos earthly repre-sentatives and are treated with reverence and respect They have intimate involvement with families and children at such vulnerable times as an illness death or other family crises They may have access
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 37)
to confidential information by virtue of their roles of confessor or counsellor A child brought up by religious parents is taught to re-spect these men and women Oth-ers associated with churches mdash choir leaders teachers cantors youth group leaders mdash are also considered trustworthy by virtue of their close
association with their religious organizations Most parents en-courage their childrenrsquos participa-tion in church-based activities believing them to be safe and wholesome
These leaders are considered to be esteemed authorities and as repre-sentatives of God wield a great deal of power Depending on the faith group there may be teachings
that support an unquestioning adherence to their instructions and guidance This makes children and vulnerable adults particularly sus-ceptible to exploitation by this group because they have access opportunity and trust
Misuse of Power Perpetrators can utilize their positions of power and trust to gain access to their victims some-times for extended periods of uninterrupted time They may tell children that they are being asked to ldquoserve Godrdquo or that they or their families will be punished if they do not do as instructed Chil-dren may be threatened with eternal damnation or blamed for leading the religious leader into sin If the religion con-siders premarital sex or same sex contacts as sinful the guilt will be compounded
In most cases the victim will not disclose or may disclose but not be
believed A child will have a difficult time convincing adults that he or she has been victimized The vic-timrsquos family culture or communi-ties have been socialized to see their religious leaders as unques-tionably good and incapable of lies This can lead to others denying or minimizing the victimrsquos experience of abuse The victim is initially harmed by the abuser and then is revictimized by those who cannot
ldquoMay Hope be Passed through Every Handrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 39
institutionrsquos response and lack of compassion and pastoral care
The Impact on Spir ituality
The frequently used term ldquosoul murderrdquo aptly describes what hap-pens when the abuser is a religious leader When the response of the religious institu-tion to a disclosure of abuse is experienced as self-serving and uncaring the survivor will likely lose his faith in the religious community of which he has been a part To belong and to feel connected is a basic human need When abused by clergy the loss of connection and belonging to what may have been a spiritual anchor can be devastating
To compound the harm the abuse may have occurred in a religious building The abuser may have worn traditional cleri-cal attire or may have made religious or biblical refer-ences As a result being exposed to religious symbols music or any other reminder can trigger flashbacks and other uncomfortable physical symptoms
The cleric is often considered Godrsquos representative on earth This gives the cleric power that surpasses his position and status When abuse is at the hands of a minister nun
accept that their spiritual leaders are capable of abuse There are many stories of clergy abuse survi-vors being abandoned by their religious communities (who side with the cleric) and their families who cannot face leaving the church that has given their lives meaning and comfort The resultant feelings of betrayal and abandonment are profound
The Role of the Religious Inst itutions
When religious institutions hold themselves up as ethical compasses and arbitrators of right and wrong society has an expectation that church leaders will act in a fair and moral way Many US Commissions and Grand Juries and Canadian reports such as the Winter Com-mission Report (Archdiocese of St Johns Newfoundland Canada 1990) Child Abuse in Community Institutions and Organizations and Improving Public and Professional Understanding (prepared for the Law Commission of Canada) all record and explain the dynamics that have lead to the failure of religious institutions to protect our children
While it is well known that any institution mdash educational recrea-tional or spiritual mdash is not immune from having sex offenders in its midst the religious institutions have a particular legacy of protect-ing the institution through aggres-sive legal tactics versus truth telling and reconciliation Many victims state that they have been less wounded by the actual abuse and profoundly more damaged by the
priest rabbi minister or elder the recipient of the abuse may experi-ence profound guilt for ldquoparticipatingrdquo in ldquosinfulrdquo behaviour mdash a mistaken belief that he is respon-sible for the abuse or shame that
he has ldquosinnedrdquo He may believe he is deserving of rejection or eternal damnation If he confesses he risks exposing the cleric who has likely done what he could to trick the victim into believing that he must maintain silence and secrecy One survivor describes feeling that rdquoIt was like being abused by God him-self If even God couldnrsquot love me how could anyone else ever love merdquo
These factors alone can leave a man who has been abused by clergy unable to find comfort and solace in what used to be his spiritual beliefs and his church Without these familiar beliefs the survivor is aban-
doned and alone when he most needs support
The Role of Gender While woman are ordained in some denominations there is still an imbalance of power between men and women in many religious tradi-tions For boys and men abused by male clerics embarrassment and
(Continued on page 40)
ldquoThe frequently used
term lsquosoul murderrsquo aptly
describes what happens
when the abuser is a
religious leader When
the response of the
religious institution to a
disclosure of abuse is
experienced as self-
serving and uncaring
the survivor will likely
lose his faith in the
religious community of
which he has been
a partrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 40
concerns of how they will be per-ceived promote silence For the boy or man abused by a female cleric there may be worries that he will be labelled the seducer or pres-sured to consider this ldquorelationshiprdquo as non-abusive
The study conducted by the John Jay Col-lege of Criminal Jus-tice regarding The Nature and Scope of the Problem of Sexual Abuse of Minors by Priests and Deacons in the Catholic Church (Washington DC USCCB 2004) found some very disturbing information about the age and gender of victims The largest group of reported victims (509) was between the ages of 11 and 14 273 of victims were 15 to 17 16 were eight to 10 and nearly 6 were under age seven Overall 81 of vic-tims were male and 19 female Male victims tended to be older than female victims Over 40 of all victims were males between the ages of 11 and 14
The largest group of reported victims in this study consisted of boys who were entering puberty This is a tumultuous time in most
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 39)
young menrsquos lives To have this period of development disrupted can contribute to many mental health problems including lack of confidence disruption of emo-tional sexual and psycho-social development isolation sexual identity confusion depression anxiety and abuse of substances
In Summary The harm experienced by those
who are abused by clergy is profound and multifaceted Some therapists will not want to work with survivors of clergy abuse due to the complexity of their issues their limited knowledge of the subject area possible religious biases and potential for litigation Most (but certainly not all) survivors will have experienced revictimization by their churches or religious institutions This compounded by abuse by a religious leader in a position of power will under-standably lead to unique challenges Survivors will have
significant trust issues that can impede the forming of a trusting therapeutic relationship with a therapist who will also be in a position of power and may be an employee of an institution With transparency and skill on the part of the therapist and tenacity on the part of the survivor effective thera-
peutic partnership can be achieved While recovery is difficult it is possible
The irony is that many survivors of abuse by clergy have a strong sense of integrity morality and perseverance They learned the lessons that the ldquoreligiousrdquo offend-ers failed to learn At the core of their beings these clergy abuse survivors are the prophets who have come to speak the truth and reveal the abuse and the decep-tions It is this desire for social justice truth telling belonging and connection that will allow a healthy spiritual belief system to rise out of the ashes of what has happened It is this healthy spiritual belief that makes many clergy abuse survivors persistent and tenacious in seeking recovery and social justice They are making a difference and chang-ing the world as we know it
ldquoThe harm experienced
by those who are
abused by clergy is
profound and
multifaceted Some
therapists will not want
to work with survivors
of clergy abuse due to
the complexity of their
issues their limited
knowledge of the
subject area possible
religious biases and
potential for litigationldquo
February 2009
Page 41
tion of it earlier in the lsquo90s but 1997 is when there was a critical mass of mostly male survivors coming forward and taking action against Maple Leaf Gardens Your question specifically was ldquoDid it play a role in my choice of ca-reersrdquo
MS Yes
SJ Yes and no The Maple Leaf
Gardens cases were not my first sexual assault cases but my in-volvement in these cases solidified my interest and desire to help sur-vivors
MS Could you take a few minutes to explain to our readers just what the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal was and why it has played a central role in revealing the extent of sex-ual abuse at least in the Toronto area
of my clients will say something like ldquoYou know this is not about the money I donrsquot care how much I get this is about something elserdquo And whatever that person seeks mdash an apology or the empowerment of filing a lawsuit or a million other unique things mdash that is why I do this kind of work Itrsquos about helping people through whatever process they need in order to begin that healing process the moving forward process
MS And also to provide your clients with a sense of justice
SJ Absolutely Justice is really not about the money itrsquos about the knowledge that theyrsquove come forward theyrsquove done something and theyrsquove empowered themselves It takes a tre-mendous amount of courage to do that I am always in awe of my cli-ents for the amount of courage they have They are my inspiration
MS Many Americans are unaware of the so-called Maple Leaf Gar-dens sex scandal that began some-time in the 1960s but didnrsquot come to wide public attention until 1997 the year after you began practicing law Did this scandal have some affect on your choice of career
SJ Actually the scandal did come to prominence before 1997 There was scattered media atten-
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 1)
SJ Sure There was a series of men who were employed at Maple Leaf Gardens which was the home of the Toronto Maple Leafs mdash the hockey club mdash who over a period of a couple of decades sexually abused probably hundreds of chil-dren It started in the lsquo60s it went on we believe until the early lsquo80s There were two principal men in-volved but there were at least three
others who also were ac-cused In order to under-stand why the Maple Leaf Gardens sex scandals are as important as they are you have to understand that hockey in Toronto and hockey in Canada is almost a religion Hockey is to Canadians what the NFL or Major League Baseball is to Americans Every little boy dreams of about becoming the next Wayne Gretzky becoming the best hockey player he can be Maple Leaf Gar-dens was the home of one of the best loved and biggest hockey teams mdash the Toronto Maple Leafs The Gardens was the high
temple of hockey in Canada and still is In the lsquo60s lsquo70s and even the lsquo80s children mdash mostly boys mdash would go to Maple Leaf Gardens usually unaccompanied by their parents because back then nobody really thought that anything bad would happen to them at the Gar-dens The boys would go there ei-ther for practice games or to watch the Maple Leafs play or more likely they would go to watch To-
(Continued on page 42)
ldquoMaple Leaf Gardens in Memory of Martin Kruzerdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 42
ronto Marlies games The Marlies were the farm team for the Toronto Maple Leafs During these games and these practices the pedophiles who worked at the Gardenrsquos would often befriend these boys seeking out boys who were more vulner-able than others most likely and would sexually assault the boys sometimes off-property but most often within the Gardens itself They would use their position as employees of the Gardens to be able to say to the boys if you come with me Irsquoll get you a broken hockey stick or hockey puck or Irsquoll get you into better seats the next game or whatever other type of inducement would be necessary to get the boys to go with them into either a washroom or a training room or other private place where the boys would be sexually abused
In 1997 there were about 50 or 60 cases all joined to-gether and Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Entertainment Ltd wanted to settle all the cases prior to the Toronto Maple Leafs moving into a new hockey rink called the Air Canada Center so as to have a clean slate at the new rink By and large a lot of the litigation was fin-ished before the team moved into the Air Canada Center but not all of it In fact there are probably 17 or 19 cases going through the court
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 41)
system today more than 10 years after the original large group of plaintiffs went through the court and I believe that new people will continue to come forward when they are strong enough
MS I understand that one of the principal plaintiffs in the case Mar-tin Kruze had settled with the owners or the operators of the Ma-ple Leaf Gardens in 1995 and that he signed a confidentiality agree-ment not to reveal the settlement
or perhaps even the details of what had happened to him Do you think that the confidentiality agree-ment Mr Kruze agreed to slowed down or hindered the full exposure of this scandal
SJ I think that any confidentiality agreement blocks public access to knowledge and to understanding so I do suspect that Martinrsquos confi-dentiality agreement did have some impact on the scandal re-
maining hidden for as long as it did Absolutely yes I believe that confidentiality agreements are in-herently difficult for plaintiffs be-cause they create and continue a cycle of secrecy Sexual assault is a crime that is almost always carried out in secret and the guilt and shame it produces is key in helping pedophiles maintain their hold over their victims Putting a confidential-ity agreement on a settlement just perpetuates the guilt and the shame
MS Unfortunately Martin Kruzersquos principal perpetrator received a shockingly light sen-tence for all his actions and I understand that this led to Martin com-mitting suicide shortly afterwards
SJ I would think that the perpetratorrsquos sentence was a part of why Martin chose to end his life yes It hap-pened relatively shortly after the sentencing and I suspect that it weighed heavily on Martinrsquos decision
MS Do you think that the sen-tence that the perpetrator received was a reflection of the then current attitude towards pedophiles and sexual abuse
SJ The sentence that the perpe-trator received was a reflection on the way that the Canadian justice system deals with criminals regard-ing personal crimes absolutely It was a very low sentence in keep-
Imants Kruze visiting his sonrsquos memorial quilt square in the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 43
obtain here versus how much they can obtain in the United States In the United States there is no cap for pain and suffering awards whereas here in Canada there is a very small cap mdash about $325000 If a survivor of sexual assault goes through the court system and even if they have a very good day in court in terms of compensation yoursquore probably looking at an award for dam-ages somewhere be-tween $200000 and $500000 Sometimes itrsquos actually less than $200000 and very very rarely more than $500000 so in that sense we are defi-nitely behind But I donrsquot think itrsquos a question of waiting 10 years to see if we ldquocatch uprdquo I think itrsquos just a fundamental difference in how our court system works and whatrsquos available to survivors in terms of compensation
If you mean that Canada is 10 years behind in dealing with other aspects of sexual assault then you are probably correct in terms of media attention public awareness and outrage Sexual assault is still largely an unreported unprose-cuted crime But things are getting better every day and as more and more survivors come forward posi-tive changes will continue to hap-pen
MS As Irsquom sure you know therersquos periodic discussion about tort re-
ing with what was handed out at the time and to a large extent itrsquos still in keeping with what is handed out right now
MS Are you still representing or have you represented anyone who is a plaintiff in this scandal
SJ I was very much involved in the core group of Maple Leaf Gar-dens survivors that came forward in 1997 I was on what was called the plaintiffsrsquo committee back then which was a group of a few lawyers who brought the litigation forward I represented a number of plaintiffs in the original group that came forward I have also represented quite a few men throughout the last 10 years and currently repre-sent two men in the last group of plaintiffs to come forward I have also been approached by at least two other men who may decide to pursue litigation
MS Dale English mdash who has spo-ken to you at some length mdash has said to me that either you or he or both of you have felt that Canada is perhaps 10 or more years behind the US in dealing with the issues of sexual abuse and sexual assault Could you elaborate on that com-ment
SJ I think it depends on what you mean by dealing with the is-sues If you mean dealing with the issues in terms of bringing civil cases forward to a certain extent we are behind One of the funda-mental differences between the United States and Canada is the way that our tort systems operate and specifically the amount of compensation that tort victims can
form in the United States mainly aimed at capping punitive dam-ages Irsquom wondering whether there is the mirror of that in Canada mdash whether therersquos any movement to-wards tort reform that would allow greater awards to victims
SJ Well there is and there isnrsquot In Canada itrsquos very difficult if not
impossible to get pu-nitive damages espe-cially if therersquos a criminal conviction The punitive damages that are available in Canada are very low A typical punitive damage award would be $20000 or $25000 - usually not much more than that So damages are quite restricted here in any event In terms of tort reform I think there is a global push by in-surance companies to
try to limit compensation whether in the States or here The things that the American Association of Justice are fighting for down in the States are the same things that the Ontario Trial Lawyers Association are fighting for here mdash the continued ability to sue for compensation un-hampered by legislative roadblocks benefitting powerful institutional defendants to the detriment of those who have suffered Ours is a much smaller playing field and therefore less money is at stake In terms of plaintiffsrsquo lawyers wersquore trying to maximize the compensa-tion that we can get for our client Every time we go to court we try
(Continued on page 44)
ldquoIf you mean that
Canada is 10 years
behind in dealing with
other aspects of sexual
assault then you are
probably correct in
terms of media
attention public
awareness and outrageldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 44
to get a higher damage award so that that case will be a building block for future cases There are always attempts to try to circum-vent the cap on pain and suffering damages that we have Itrsquos not an easy thing to do the cap has been in place in Canada for 32 years now It was put in place in 1977 by the Supreme Court of Canada and itrsquos unlikely to be overturned any-time soon Even though from a purely theoretical legal analysis that cap does not apply to pain and suffering damages for victims of sexual assault and sexual abuse the reality is that judges still use that cap as a high water mark even though it doesnrsquot formally apply mdash it is still a de facto cap and to be honest with you it is almost impos-sible to get anywhere near that cap for compensation for pain and suf-fering A typical pain and suffering award in Canada for childhood sex-ual abuse is somewhere between $100000 and $200000 Anything on top of that would be associated economic loss or care costs
MS Itrsquos quite unfortunate that even though therersquos no real cap the law behaves as if there were one
SJ Yep I couldnrsquot agree with you more Itrsquos very unfortunate
MS I understand that in 2005 the government of Ontario convened whatrsquos known as the Cornwall Pub-lic Inquiry Was the Inquiry con-vened to address the issues of sex-ual abuse and sexual assault and
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 43)
the way the justice system is han-dling it
SJ Thatrsquos probably one of the reasons the Inquiry was convened Thatrsquos one of the hopes The In-quiry was convened because of what was going on in a little city east of Toronto mdash a series of allega-tions against very prominent mem-bers of that community involving the sexual abuse of children over a period of many many years The idea behind the Inquiry is to try to figure out what happened and to put in place some recommenda-tions that will not only stop some-thing like the abuse in Cornwall from happening again but will also try to help those who were affected by the events in the first place And to some extent I think some good will come of the Inquiry Hopefully the recommendations will be good for survivors of childhood sexual abuse or any kind of sexual assault The Submission phase of the In-quiry officially ended late February 2009
MS Did you have the opportunity to testify before the Inquiry
SJ I did not personally testify before the Inquiry Testimony was generally limited to the people ac-tually involved mdash police officers vic-tims what not I was involved in the Inquiry with regards to a panel discussionroundtable that they had regarding the use of confiden-tiality agreements
MS As you probably know Male-Survivor was first founded in the early 1980s by a group of thera-pists who were concerned about support for victims of childhood
sexual abuse and although Male-Survivor is still not a very large or-ganization it has increased its in-fluence significantly over the years and Irsquom wondering whether there is a similar non-profit or other group in Canada that also is dedi-cated to helping victims of child-hood sexual abuse
SJ There are some grass roots organizations that deal with victims of childhood sexual abuse or adult sexual assault I donrsquot believe there is as cohesive a unit as MaleSurvi-vor I may be wrong on that but there are smaller more community based organizations that assist sur-vivors That being said resources available to survivors are unfortu-nately pretty limited
MS Is that because there are too few therapists in that form of prac-tice
SJ I think itrsquos a mixture of many different things First of all Canada has a much smaller population base mdash 30 million people as com-pared to 300 million in the United States mdash so you have significantly fewer people affected and there-fore you have significantly fewer resources available to those people The services that we do have will often have very long waiting lists before people can access them There are some very very good counselors in Canada assisting sur-vivors but unfortunately the waiting lists are sometimes long and the availability for public funding to provide services free of charge is somewhat limited
MS Is there anything in your opinion about the Canadian health
February 2009
Page 45
system that contributes to the scar-city of services
SJ I donrsquot know if itrsquos the Cana-dian health system I think that in Canada we have a pretty good public health system in the sense that anybody who needs medical services can access those services free of charge The problem is that a lot of these services are not covered under our health system per se Many are covered under either private plans or pay as you go type services and itrsquos just a question of finding the people who can provide these services and being lucky enough to get them when they either donrsquot have a waiting list or other-wise having to wait until your name comes up on that waiting list
MS And that could takes years in some cases it seems
SJ My understanding is that those waiting lists can be quite long but there are very good peo-ple out there Itrsquos just a question of finding them and being able to afford them
MS Can you elaborate on other differences between the US and Canada that affect the way survi-vors and perpetrators are treated by the legal system and the media
SJ The differences between Can-ada and the US are really huge On the surface Americans and Canadi-ans look pretty much the same dress the same talk the same eat the same foods and by and large watch the same TV but culturally there is a huge difference in the way we look at the world in the
way our legal system works and the way that people interact with one another
Americans are much more litigious by na-ture I think this is due to the fact that in the United States mdash at least as seen from the outside mdash the rights of the individual are paramount In Can-ada less so Canada is much more commu-nity-oriented We of-tentimes think about how something is going to affect others instead of looking at what an individual might be entitled to I think that the high
damage awards available through the American legal system are beneficial in sexual abuse cases as is the lack of a cap on awards which we have
In some ways though our legal system is much better for my cli-ents than the US system would be because of the way that our actual process works One of the things that I know is very damaging to a lot of plaintiffs in the United States is the whole discovery process tak-
ing depositions Depositions can go on for a huge number of days and pretty much everybody in the per-sonrsquos life can be called to give a deposition That is very troubling and painful for people who donrsquot necessarily want others to know about their abuse or donrsquot want to involve their family Here in Canada depositions mdash or what we call the examination for discovery mdash are lim-ited to the actual named parties in the lawsuit The defendant and the plaintiff are examined for discovery or deposed if you will Anyone who is not an actual party to the litiga-tion can only be discovered under court orders and itrsquos very difficult to get those court orders so in that sense itrsquos a much quicker cleaner process and less intrusive on some-onersquos life So that is probably a good thing
The other really huge difference between the two systems which I think does in fact impact on why a lot of these cases settle as opposed to going to court and oftentimes settle for very different amounts of money than they would if they went to court is that in Canada we have a ldquoloser paysrdquo system If you go to court and you lose you have to pay at least a portion of the fees incurred by the other side Letrsquos say the defendantrsquos settlement offer is $100000 If the plaintiff does not accept that $100000 and at trial the plaintiff gets $99000 then the plaintiff has to pay the lawyerrsquos fees of the defendant because the award is less than the settlement offer That is very difficult That means that a lot of cases are set-tled for probably less money than
(Continued on page 46)
ldquoOn the surface
Americans and
Canadians look pretty
much the same hellip but
culturally there is a
huge difference in the
way we look at the
world in the way our
legal system works and
the way that people
interact with one
anotherldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 46
MS I join you in that hope Any-thing that can advance the cause of not only helping people but also helping prevent further abuses is always going to be welcome If you could set forth a vision of how you would like to see the law and the therapeutic community in Canada evolve to handle matters of child-
hood sexual abuse and sexual assault mdash if you could influence the reform of institu-tions what would your vision be
SJ Oh Richard Wow Well first and foremost I would love to raise public aware-ness of this issue for various reasons I think that increased public awareness will not necessarily reduce the instances of abuse but will help improve how abuse is dealt with when itrsquos ongoing and after-wards Itrsquos very im-portant that when a child is hurt that
child knows that he can go to peo-ple for help and support All too often if kids get up enough cour-age to tell someone the reaction they get is not very positive I think that with increased public aware-ness hopefully people will under-stand that there are ways to deal with this that will decrease the amount of harm so public aware-ness is paramount
I would like the legal system to raise compensation awards for sur-
turning point in bringing to the publicrsquos attention that the sexual assault of children can happen does happen and itrsquos a very diffi-cult thing for anyone to go through whether theyrsquore little boys or grown men that were abused as children It brought childhood sex-ual abuse out of the shadows to a certain extent The scandal still garners media attention as new survivors come forward but not the same as it did 10 years ago
MS Would you say that the lack of inves-tigative reporting is a cultural phenomenon or is it that the news-papers donrsquot feel they have that role
SJ Oh no Canadian newspapers do feel that they have a role in investigating things but for whatever rea-son sexual abuse of children has not been a priority The Cana-dian media really has not been at the forefront of this issue the way the media in the United States has been and I think that is tremen-dously disappointing The lack of media attention means that we arenrsquot fostering the awareness within the public that we need in order to provide real help and ser-vices for survivors We need the mediarsquos help to bring this horrific crime to light and to help stop it from happening
they would get if they went to court because that risk of going to court and not getting at least the amount of the original offer weighs heavily on everyone Our system is designed and geared toward avoid-ing trials which can be good be-cause nobody really wants to go through a trial but can be bad be-cause people become very intimi-dated by the prospect of losing or not getting as much as the settle-ment offer and being indebted to the defendant for a lot of money Thatrsquos a scary scary thing to go through
With regards to the media the US has a media that by and large has helped out a lot with sexual abuse cases The whole issue of clergy abuse really started with investiga-tive reporting by the Boston Globe right
MS Right
SJ They really took that issue and just ran with it Here in Canada we really havenrsquot had the same kind of investigative media cover-age as yoursquove had which is why events like the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal are not as huge as they are down in the States
Before Martin Kruze committed sui-cide the media was only somewhat interested in the Maple Leaf Gar-dens scandal Martin Kruze was a figure because he had sued the Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Com-plex But after he committed sui-cide the media was really galva-nized and that was probably a
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 45)
ldquoThe lack of media
attention means that we
arenrsquot fostering the
awareness within the
public that we need in
order to provide real
help and services for
survivors We need the
mediarsquos help to bring
this horrific crime to
light and to help stop it
from happeningrdquo
February 2009
Page 47
ments but it canrsquot at this stage really happen through the courts
I would want there to be an ability for institutions or perpetrators mdash de-fendants mdash to look beyond mere dollars and cents and look toward healing the person that they have hurt either directly or indirectly All too often in these cases we really become tied up in the legal minu-tiae of things as opposed to defen-dants saying ldquoOK letrsquos step back here and letrsquos try to helprdquo
I wish that there were a real under-standing that these cases are not car accident cases and they should
not be treated as car accident cases My clients are not people whorsquove broken a leg and therefore need X amount of dollars in order to pay for medical services or whatnot And unfortu-nately that doesnrsquot necessarily happen
In terms of the thera-peutic community I would love to see counseling and therapy ses-sions be paid for through the pub-lic purse so that people who re-quire the services of highly-skilled counselors and therapists and psy-chologists can access those services without having to pay for them A lot of clients just donrsquot have the economic means to pay for such services until after they get a set-tlement and that could take years It would be wonderful to see those kinds of services funded the same way as a trip to the emergency room or a trip to your family doc-tor for a cold is funded Irsquod love to
vivors The amount of damage that can be done as a result of child-hood abuse or in fact any kind of sexual assault is tremendous It affects almost every aspect of someonersquos life It becomes inter-generational because it affects the people around the survivor and compensation awards are still very much a pale reflection of what is needed in order to help these peo-ple I hope that at some point our judges and our legislature under-stand that need and can corre-spondingly give appropriate and reasonable damage awards so that people can start to rebuild their lives in a meaningful way
I would love there to be an opportunity within our civil system for more than just compensation At this stage the only thing that a civil judge can do is award monetary compensation There are a lot of creative things that you can do within a settlement that are not purely fi-nancial that can give a lot of sol-ace to someone who has been abused whether that be in the form of some non-financial healing whether it be in the form of a situation where somebody can con-front their abuser if thatrsquos what they wish to do in a safe setting or whether itrsquos the ability for that sur-vivor to do something outside of pure simple dollars and put for-ward some sort of healing plan that is as individual as they are That can happen through settle-
be able to see that I think that that would go a long way to helping people earlier rather than later
Ultimately I wish that this situation didnrsquot exist anymore and I would be put out of business frankly
MS Well I can certainly sympa-thize with the way you feel but it would seem that you have a career ahead of you dealing with this problem
SJ Unfortunately I think you are right I think that instances of child-hood sexual abuse are not neces-sarily going down I think that insti-tutions are getting a little bit better at putting in place policies and sometimes even following their own policies to stop pedophiles from entering those institutions and preying on people that those insti-tutions are theoretically set up to serve but I think that as long as the problem of childhood sexual abuse is with us I will be out there trying to help anybody that I can
MS Is there anything else yoursquod like to say to our readers
SJ I think that organizations such as MaleSurvivor are imperative in helping people understand that they are not alone that itrsquos not their fault and there are ways to get help So hats off to an organi-zation such as yours The clients I have who are involved in your or-ganization are very very well served so I have to thank you for being a resource
MS Thank you very much for your kind comments and for your time Simona
ldquoUltimately I wish that
this situation didnrsquot exist
anymore and I would be
put out of business
franklyrdquo
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-
Vol 2 No 2
Page 38
nowhere near as severe as those of our American neighbours Most first offenders will not serve a day in jail The civil awards for personal inju-ries are also quite low Our court system promotes set-tling these cases out of court When a case fails to go to trial it is not part of the public re-cord The widespread use of confidentiality orders media fatigue and Canadian reserve means that it is impos-sible to obtain accurate statistics on how often men are abused by clergy or even the ex-tent of the problem in this country
The Authority of Rel igious Leaders Religious organizations have always played a central role in our so-cieties They provide moral ethical and spiritual guidance Reli-gious teachings have given us a context and meaning for our lives Most religious belief revolves around a divine power or God Religious leaders (ministers priests rabbis elders nuns) are thought to be Godrsquos earthly repre-sentatives and are treated with reverence and respect They have intimate involvement with families and children at such vulnerable times as an illness death or other family crises They may have access
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 37)
to confidential information by virtue of their roles of confessor or counsellor A child brought up by religious parents is taught to re-spect these men and women Oth-ers associated with churches mdash choir leaders teachers cantors youth group leaders mdash are also considered trustworthy by virtue of their close
association with their religious organizations Most parents en-courage their childrenrsquos participa-tion in church-based activities believing them to be safe and wholesome
These leaders are considered to be esteemed authorities and as repre-sentatives of God wield a great deal of power Depending on the faith group there may be teachings
that support an unquestioning adherence to their instructions and guidance This makes children and vulnerable adults particularly sus-ceptible to exploitation by this group because they have access opportunity and trust
Misuse of Power Perpetrators can utilize their positions of power and trust to gain access to their victims some-times for extended periods of uninterrupted time They may tell children that they are being asked to ldquoserve Godrdquo or that they or their families will be punished if they do not do as instructed Chil-dren may be threatened with eternal damnation or blamed for leading the religious leader into sin If the religion con-siders premarital sex or same sex contacts as sinful the guilt will be compounded
In most cases the victim will not disclose or may disclose but not be
believed A child will have a difficult time convincing adults that he or she has been victimized The vic-timrsquos family culture or communi-ties have been socialized to see their religious leaders as unques-tionably good and incapable of lies This can lead to others denying or minimizing the victimrsquos experience of abuse The victim is initially harmed by the abuser and then is revictimized by those who cannot
ldquoMay Hope be Passed through Every Handrdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 39
institutionrsquos response and lack of compassion and pastoral care
The Impact on Spir ituality
The frequently used term ldquosoul murderrdquo aptly describes what hap-pens when the abuser is a religious leader When the response of the religious institu-tion to a disclosure of abuse is experienced as self-serving and uncaring the survivor will likely lose his faith in the religious community of which he has been a part To belong and to feel connected is a basic human need When abused by clergy the loss of connection and belonging to what may have been a spiritual anchor can be devastating
To compound the harm the abuse may have occurred in a religious building The abuser may have worn traditional cleri-cal attire or may have made religious or biblical refer-ences As a result being exposed to religious symbols music or any other reminder can trigger flashbacks and other uncomfortable physical symptoms
The cleric is often considered Godrsquos representative on earth This gives the cleric power that surpasses his position and status When abuse is at the hands of a minister nun
accept that their spiritual leaders are capable of abuse There are many stories of clergy abuse survi-vors being abandoned by their religious communities (who side with the cleric) and their families who cannot face leaving the church that has given their lives meaning and comfort The resultant feelings of betrayal and abandonment are profound
The Role of the Religious Inst itutions
When religious institutions hold themselves up as ethical compasses and arbitrators of right and wrong society has an expectation that church leaders will act in a fair and moral way Many US Commissions and Grand Juries and Canadian reports such as the Winter Com-mission Report (Archdiocese of St Johns Newfoundland Canada 1990) Child Abuse in Community Institutions and Organizations and Improving Public and Professional Understanding (prepared for the Law Commission of Canada) all record and explain the dynamics that have lead to the failure of religious institutions to protect our children
While it is well known that any institution mdash educational recrea-tional or spiritual mdash is not immune from having sex offenders in its midst the religious institutions have a particular legacy of protect-ing the institution through aggres-sive legal tactics versus truth telling and reconciliation Many victims state that they have been less wounded by the actual abuse and profoundly more damaged by the
priest rabbi minister or elder the recipient of the abuse may experi-ence profound guilt for ldquoparticipatingrdquo in ldquosinfulrdquo behaviour mdash a mistaken belief that he is respon-sible for the abuse or shame that
he has ldquosinnedrdquo He may believe he is deserving of rejection or eternal damnation If he confesses he risks exposing the cleric who has likely done what he could to trick the victim into believing that he must maintain silence and secrecy One survivor describes feeling that rdquoIt was like being abused by God him-self If even God couldnrsquot love me how could anyone else ever love merdquo
These factors alone can leave a man who has been abused by clergy unable to find comfort and solace in what used to be his spiritual beliefs and his church Without these familiar beliefs the survivor is aban-
doned and alone when he most needs support
The Role of Gender While woman are ordained in some denominations there is still an imbalance of power between men and women in many religious tradi-tions For boys and men abused by male clerics embarrassment and
(Continued on page 40)
ldquoThe frequently used
term lsquosoul murderrsquo aptly
describes what happens
when the abuser is a
religious leader When
the response of the
religious institution to a
disclosure of abuse is
experienced as self-
serving and uncaring
the survivor will likely
lose his faith in the
religious community of
which he has been
a partrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 40
concerns of how they will be per-ceived promote silence For the boy or man abused by a female cleric there may be worries that he will be labelled the seducer or pres-sured to consider this ldquorelationshiprdquo as non-abusive
The study conducted by the John Jay Col-lege of Criminal Jus-tice regarding The Nature and Scope of the Problem of Sexual Abuse of Minors by Priests and Deacons in the Catholic Church (Washington DC USCCB 2004) found some very disturbing information about the age and gender of victims The largest group of reported victims (509) was between the ages of 11 and 14 273 of victims were 15 to 17 16 were eight to 10 and nearly 6 were under age seven Overall 81 of vic-tims were male and 19 female Male victims tended to be older than female victims Over 40 of all victims were males between the ages of 11 and 14
The largest group of reported victims in this study consisted of boys who were entering puberty This is a tumultuous time in most
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 39)
young menrsquos lives To have this period of development disrupted can contribute to many mental health problems including lack of confidence disruption of emo-tional sexual and psycho-social development isolation sexual identity confusion depression anxiety and abuse of substances
In Summary The harm experienced by those
who are abused by clergy is profound and multifaceted Some therapists will not want to work with survivors of clergy abuse due to the complexity of their issues their limited knowledge of the subject area possible religious biases and potential for litigation Most (but certainly not all) survivors will have experienced revictimization by their churches or religious institutions This compounded by abuse by a religious leader in a position of power will under-standably lead to unique challenges Survivors will have
significant trust issues that can impede the forming of a trusting therapeutic relationship with a therapist who will also be in a position of power and may be an employee of an institution With transparency and skill on the part of the therapist and tenacity on the part of the survivor effective thera-
peutic partnership can be achieved While recovery is difficult it is possible
The irony is that many survivors of abuse by clergy have a strong sense of integrity morality and perseverance They learned the lessons that the ldquoreligiousrdquo offend-ers failed to learn At the core of their beings these clergy abuse survivors are the prophets who have come to speak the truth and reveal the abuse and the decep-tions It is this desire for social justice truth telling belonging and connection that will allow a healthy spiritual belief system to rise out of the ashes of what has happened It is this healthy spiritual belief that makes many clergy abuse survivors persistent and tenacious in seeking recovery and social justice They are making a difference and chang-ing the world as we know it
ldquoThe harm experienced
by those who are
abused by clergy is
profound and
multifaceted Some
therapists will not want
to work with survivors
of clergy abuse due to
the complexity of their
issues their limited
knowledge of the
subject area possible
religious biases and
potential for litigationldquo
February 2009
Page 41
tion of it earlier in the lsquo90s but 1997 is when there was a critical mass of mostly male survivors coming forward and taking action against Maple Leaf Gardens Your question specifically was ldquoDid it play a role in my choice of ca-reersrdquo
MS Yes
SJ Yes and no The Maple Leaf
Gardens cases were not my first sexual assault cases but my in-volvement in these cases solidified my interest and desire to help sur-vivors
MS Could you take a few minutes to explain to our readers just what the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal was and why it has played a central role in revealing the extent of sex-ual abuse at least in the Toronto area
of my clients will say something like ldquoYou know this is not about the money I donrsquot care how much I get this is about something elserdquo And whatever that person seeks mdash an apology or the empowerment of filing a lawsuit or a million other unique things mdash that is why I do this kind of work Itrsquos about helping people through whatever process they need in order to begin that healing process the moving forward process
MS And also to provide your clients with a sense of justice
SJ Absolutely Justice is really not about the money itrsquos about the knowledge that theyrsquove come forward theyrsquove done something and theyrsquove empowered themselves It takes a tre-mendous amount of courage to do that I am always in awe of my cli-ents for the amount of courage they have They are my inspiration
MS Many Americans are unaware of the so-called Maple Leaf Gar-dens sex scandal that began some-time in the 1960s but didnrsquot come to wide public attention until 1997 the year after you began practicing law Did this scandal have some affect on your choice of career
SJ Actually the scandal did come to prominence before 1997 There was scattered media atten-
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 1)
SJ Sure There was a series of men who were employed at Maple Leaf Gardens which was the home of the Toronto Maple Leafs mdash the hockey club mdash who over a period of a couple of decades sexually abused probably hundreds of chil-dren It started in the lsquo60s it went on we believe until the early lsquo80s There were two principal men in-volved but there were at least three
others who also were ac-cused In order to under-stand why the Maple Leaf Gardens sex scandals are as important as they are you have to understand that hockey in Toronto and hockey in Canada is almost a religion Hockey is to Canadians what the NFL or Major League Baseball is to Americans Every little boy dreams of about becoming the next Wayne Gretzky becoming the best hockey player he can be Maple Leaf Gar-dens was the home of one of the best loved and biggest hockey teams mdash the Toronto Maple Leafs The Gardens was the high
temple of hockey in Canada and still is In the lsquo60s lsquo70s and even the lsquo80s children mdash mostly boys mdash would go to Maple Leaf Gardens usually unaccompanied by their parents because back then nobody really thought that anything bad would happen to them at the Gar-dens The boys would go there ei-ther for practice games or to watch the Maple Leafs play or more likely they would go to watch To-
(Continued on page 42)
ldquoMaple Leaf Gardens in Memory of Martin Kruzerdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 42
ronto Marlies games The Marlies were the farm team for the Toronto Maple Leafs During these games and these practices the pedophiles who worked at the Gardenrsquos would often befriend these boys seeking out boys who were more vulner-able than others most likely and would sexually assault the boys sometimes off-property but most often within the Gardens itself They would use their position as employees of the Gardens to be able to say to the boys if you come with me Irsquoll get you a broken hockey stick or hockey puck or Irsquoll get you into better seats the next game or whatever other type of inducement would be necessary to get the boys to go with them into either a washroom or a training room or other private place where the boys would be sexually abused
In 1997 there were about 50 or 60 cases all joined to-gether and Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Entertainment Ltd wanted to settle all the cases prior to the Toronto Maple Leafs moving into a new hockey rink called the Air Canada Center so as to have a clean slate at the new rink By and large a lot of the litigation was fin-ished before the team moved into the Air Canada Center but not all of it In fact there are probably 17 or 19 cases going through the court
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 41)
system today more than 10 years after the original large group of plaintiffs went through the court and I believe that new people will continue to come forward when they are strong enough
MS I understand that one of the principal plaintiffs in the case Mar-tin Kruze had settled with the owners or the operators of the Ma-ple Leaf Gardens in 1995 and that he signed a confidentiality agree-ment not to reveal the settlement
or perhaps even the details of what had happened to him Do you think that the confidentiality agree-ment Mr Kruze agreed to slowed down or hindered the full exposure of this scandal
SJ I think that any confidentiality agreement blocks public access to knowledge and to understanding so I do suspect that Martinrsquos confi-dentiality agreement did have some impact on the scandal re-
maining hidden for as long as it did Absolutely yes I believe that confidentiality agreements are in-herently difficult for plaintiffs be-cause they create and continue a cycle of secrecy Sexual assault is a crime that is almost always carried out in secret and the guilt and shame it produces is key in helping pedophiles maintain their hold over their victims Putting a confidential-ity agreement on a settlement just perpetuates the guilt and the shame
MS Unfortunately Martin Kruzersquos principal perpetrator received a shockingly light sen-tence for all his actions and I understand that this led to Martin com-mitting suicide shortly afterwards
SJ I would think that the perpetratorrsquos sentence was a part of why Martin chose to end his life yes It hap-pened relatively shortly after the sentencing and I suspect that it weighed heavily on Martinrsquos decision
MS Do you think that the sen-tence that the perpetrator received was a reflection of the then current attitude towards pedophiles and sexual abuse
SJ The sentence that the perpe-trator received was a reflection on the way that the Canadian justice system deals with criminals regard-ing personal crimes absolutely It was a very low sentence in keep-
Imants Kruze visiting his sonrsquos memorial quilt square in the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 43
obtain here versus how much they can obtain in the United States In the United States there is no cap for pain and suffering awards whereas here in Canada there is a very small cap mdash about $325000 If a survivor of sexual assault goes through the court system and even if they have a very good day in court in terms of compensation yoursquore probably looking at an award for dam-ages somewhere be-tween $200000 and $500000 Sometimes itrsquos actually less than $200000 and very very rarely more than $500000 so in that sense we are defi-nitely behind But I donrsquot think itrsquos a question of waiting 10 years to see if we ldquocatch uprdquo I think itrsquos just a fundamental difference in how our court system works and whatrsquos available to survivors in terms of compensation
If you mean that Canada is 10 years behind in dealing with other aspects of sexual assault then you are probably correct in terms of media attention public awareness and outrage Sexual assault is still largely an unreported unprose-cuted crime But things are getting better every day and as more and more survivors come forward posi-tive changes will continue to hap-pen
MS As Irsquom sure you know therersquos periodic discussion about tort re-
ing with what was handed out at the time and to a large extent itrsquos still in keeping with what is handed out right now
MS Are you still representing or have you represented anyone who is a plaintiff in this scandal
SJ I was very much involved in the core group of Maple Leaf Gar-dens survivors that came forward in 1997 I was on what was called the plaintiffsrsquo committee back then which was a group of a few lawyers who brought the litigation forward I represented a number of plaintiffs in the original group that came forward I have also represented quite a few men throughout the last 10 years and currently repre-sent two men in the last group of plaintiffs to come forward I have also been approached by at least two other men who may decide to pursue litigation
MS Dale English mdash who has spo-ken to you at some length mdash has said to me that either you or he or both of you have felt that Canada is perhaps 10 or more years behind the US in dealing with the issues of sexual abuse and sexual assault Could you elaborate on that com-ment
SJ I think it depends on what you mean by dealing with the is-sues If you mean dealing with the issues in terms of bringing civil cases forward to a certain extent we are behind One of the funda-mental differences between the United States and Canada is the way that our tort systems operate and specifically the amount of compensation that tort victims can
form in the United States mainly aimed at capping punitive dam-ages Irsquom wondering whether there is the mirror of that in Canada mdash whether therersquos any movement to-wards tort reform that would allow greater awards to victims
SJ Well there is and there isnrsquot In Canada itrsquos very difficult if not
impossible to get pu-nitive damages espe-cially if therersquos a criminal conviction The punitive damages that are available in Canada are very low A typical punitive damage award would be $20000 or $25000 - usually not much more than that So damages are quite restricted here in any event In terms of tort reform I think there is a global push by in-surance companies to
try to limit compensation whether in the States or here The things that the American Association of Justice are fighting for down in the States are the same things that the Ontario Trial Lawyers Association are fighting for here mdash the continued ability to sue for compensation un-hampered by legislative roadblocks benefitting powerful institutional defendants to the detriment of those who have suffered Ours is a much smaller playing field and therefore less money is at stake In terms of plaintiffsrsquo lawyers wersquore trying to maximize the compensa-tion that we can get for our client Every time we go to court we try
(Continued on page 44)
ldquoIf you mean that
Canada is 10 years
behind in dealing with
other aspects of sexual
assault then you are
probably correct in
terms of media
attention public
awareness and outrageldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 44
to get a higher damage award so that that case will be a building block for future cases There are always attempts to try to circum-vent the cap on pain and suffering damages that we have Itrsquos not an easy thing to do the cap has been in place in Canada for 32 years now It was put in place in 1977 by the Supreme Court of Canada and itrsquos unlikely to be overturned any-time soon Even though from a purely theoretical legal analysis that cap does not apply to pain and suffering damages for victims of sexual assault and sexual abuse the reality is that judges still use that cap as a high water mark even though it doesnrsquot formally apply mdash it is still a de facto cap and to be honest with you it is almost impos-sible to get anywhere near that cap for compensation for pain and suf-fering A typical pain and suffering award in Canada for childhood sex-ual abuse is somewhere between $100000 and $200000 Anything on top of that would be associated economic loss or care costs
MS Itrsquos quite unfortunate that even though therersquos no real cap the law behaves as if there were one
SJ Yep I couldnrsquot agree with you more Itrsquos very unfortunate
MS I understand that in 2005 the government of Ontario convened whatrsquos known as the Cornwall Pub-lic Inquiry Was the Inquiry con-vened to address the issues of sex-ual abuse and sexual assault and
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 43)
the way the justice system is han-dling it
SJ Thatrsquos probably one of the reasons the Inquiry was convened Thatrsquos one of the hopes The In-quiry was convened because of what was going on in a little city east of Toronto mdash a series of allega-tions against very prominent mem-bers of that community involving the sexual abuse of children over a period of many many years The idea behind the Inquiry is to try to figure out what happened and to put in place some recommenda-tions that will not only stop some-thing like the abuse in Cornwall from happening again but will also try to help those who were affected by the events in the first place And to some extent I think some good will come of the Inquiry Hopefully the recommendations will be good for survivors of childhood sexual abuse or any kind of sexual assault The Submission phase of the In-quiry officially ended late February 2009
MS Did you have the opportunity to testify before the Inquiry
SJ I did not personally testify before the Inquiry Testimony was generally limited to the people ac-tually involved mdash police officers vic-tims what not I was involved in the Inquiry with regards to a panel discussionroundtable that they had regarding the use of confiden-tiality agreements
MS As you probably know Male-Survivor was first founded in the early 1980s by a group of thera-pists who were concerned about support for victims of childhood
sexual abuse and although Male-Survivor is still not a very large or-ganization it has increased its in-fluence significantly over the years and Irsquom wondering whether there is a similar non-profit or other group in Canada that also is dedi-cated to helping victims of child-hood sexual abuse
SJ There are some grass roots organizations that deal with victims of childhood sexual abuse or adult sexual assault I donrsquot believe there is as cohesive a unit as MaleSurvi-vor I may be wrong on that but there are smaller more community based organizations that assist sur-vivors That being said resources available to survivors are unfortu-nately pretty limited
MS Is that because there are too few therapists in that form of prac-tice
SJ I think itrsquos a mixture of many different things First of all Canada has a much smaller population base mdash 30 million people as com-pared to 300 million in the United States mdash so you have significantly fewer people affected and there-fore you have significantly fewer resources available to those people The services that we do have will often have very long waiting lists before people can access them There are some very very good counselors in Canada assisting sur-vivors but unfortunately the waiting lists are sometimes long and the availability for public funding to provide services free of charge is somewhat limited
MS Is there anything in your opinion about the Canadian health
February 2009
Page 45
system that contributes to the scar-city of services
SJ I donrsquot know if itrsquos the Cana-dian health system I think that in Canada we have a pretty good public health system in the sense that anybody who needs medical services can access those services free of charge The problem is that a lot of these services are not covered under our health system per se Many are covered under either private plans or pay as you go type services and itrsquos just a question of finding the people who can provide these services and being lucky enough to get them when they either donrsquot have a waiting list or other-wise having to wait until your name comes up on that waiting list
MS And that could takes years in some cases it seems
SJ My understanding is that those waiting lists can be quite long but there are very good peo-ple out there Itrsquos just a question of finding them and being able to afford them
MS Can you elaborate on other differences between the US and Canada that affect the way survi-vors and perpetrators are treated by the legal system and the media
SJ The differences between Can-ada and the US are really huge On the surface Americans and Canadi-ans look pretty much the same dress the same talk the same eat the same foods and by and large watch the same TV but culturally there is a huge difference in the way we look at the world in the
way our legal system works and the way that people interact with one another
Americans are much more litigious by na-ture I think this is due to the fact that in the United States mdash at least as seen from the outside mdash the rights of the individual are paramount In Can-ada less so Canada is much more commu-nity-oriented We of-tentimes think about how something is going to affect others instead of looking at what an individual might be entitled to I think that the high
damage awards available through the American legal system are beneficial in sexual abuse cases as is the lack of a cap on awards which we have
In some ways though our legal system is much better for my cli-ents than the US system would be because of the way that our actual process works One of the things that I know is very damaging to a lot of plaintiffs in the United States is the whole discovery process tak-
ing depositions Depositions can go on for a huge number of days and pretty much everybody in the per-sonrsquos life can be called to give a deposition That is very troubling and painful for people who donrsquot necessarily want others to know about their abuse or donrsquot want to involve their family Here in Canada depositions mdash or what we call the examination for discovery mdash are lim-ited to the actual named parties in the lawsuit The defendant and the plaintiff are examined for discovery or deposed if you will Anyone who is not an actual party to the litiga-tion can only be discovered under court orders and itrsquos very difficult to get those court orders so in that sense itrsquos a much quicker cleaner process and less intrusive on some-onersquos life So that is probably a good thing
The other really huge difference between the two systems which I think does in fact impact on why a lot of these cases settle as opposed to going to court and oftentimes settle for very different amounts of money than they would if they went to court is that in Canada we have a ldquoloser paysrdquo system If you go to court and you lose you have to pay at least a portion of the fees incurred by the other side Letrsquos say the defendantrsquos settlement offer is $100000 If the plaintiff does not accept that $100000 and at trial the plaintiff gets $99000 then the plaintiff has to pay the lawyerrsquos fees of the defendant because the award is less than the settlement offer That is very difficult That means that a lot of cases are set-tled for probably less money than
(Continued on page 46)
ldquoOn the surface
Americans and
Canadians look pretty
much the same hellip but
culturally there is a
huge difference in the
way we look at the
world in the way our
legal system works and
the way that people
interact with one
anotherldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 46
MS I join you in that hope Any-thing that can advance the cause of not only helping people but also helping prevent further abuses is always going to be welcome If you could set forth a vision of how you would like to see the law and the therapeutic community in Canada evolve to handle matters of child-
hood sexual abuse and sexual assault mdash if you could influence the reform of institu-tions what would your vision be
SJ Oh Richard Wow Well first and foremost I would love to raise public aware-ness of this issue for various reasons I think that increased public awareness will not necessarily reduce the instances of abuse but will help improve how abuse is dealt with when itrsquos ongoing and after-wards Itrsquos very im-portant that when a child is hurt that
child knows that he can go to peo-ple for help and support All too often if kids get up enough cour-age to tell someone the reaction they get is not very positive I think that with increased public aware-ness hopefully people will under-stand that there are ways to deal with this that will decrease the amount of harm so public aware-ness is paramount
I would like the legal system to raise compensation awards for sur-
turning point in bringing to the publicrsquos attention that the sexual assault of children can happen does happen and itrsquos a very diffi-cult thing for anyone to go through whether theyrsquore little boys or grown men that were abused as children It brought childhood sex-ual abuse out of the shadows to a certain extent The scandal still garners media attention as new survivors come forward but not the same as it did 10 years ago
MS Would you say that the lack of inves-tigative reporting is a cultural phenomenon or is it that the news-papers donrsquot feel they have that role
SJ Oh no Canadian newspapers do feel that they have a role in investigating things but for whatever rea-son sexual abuse of children has not been a priority The Cana-dian media really has not been at the forefront of this issue the way the media in the United States has been and I think that is tremen-dously disappointing The lack of media attention means that we arenrsquot fostering the awareness within the public that we need in order to provide real help and ser-vices for survivors We need the mediarsquos help to bring this horrific crime to light and to help stop it from happening
they would get if they went to court because that risk of going to court and not getting at least the amount of the original offer weighs heavily on everyone Our system is designed and geared toward avoid-ing trials which can be good be-cause nobody really wants to go through a trial but can be bad be-cause people become very intimi-dated by the prospect of losing or not getting as much as the settle-ment offer and being indebted to the defendant for a lot of money Thatrsquos a scary scary thing to go through
With regards to the media the US has a media that by and large has helped out a lot with sexual abuse cases The whole issue of clergy abuse really started with investiga-tive reporting by the Boston Globe right
MS Right
SJ They really took that issue and just ran with it Here in Canada we really havenrsquot had the same kind of investigative media cover-age as yoursquove had which is why events like the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal are not as huge as they are down in the States
Before Martin Kruze committed sui-cide the media was only somewhat interested in the Maple Leaf Gar-dens scandal Martin Kruze was a figure because he had sued the Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Com-plex But after he committed sui-cide the media was really galva-nized and that was probably a
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 45)
ldquoThe lack of media
attention means that we
arenrsquot fostering the
awareness within the
public that we need in
order to provide real
help and services for
survivors We need the
mediarsquos help to bring
this horrific crime to
light and to help stop it
from happeningrdquo
February 2009
Page 47
ments but it canrsquot at this stage really happen through the courts
I would want there to be an ability for institutions or perpetrators mdash de-fendants mdash to look beyond mere dollars and cents and look toward healing the person that they have hurt either directly or indirectly All too often in these cases we really become tied up in the legal minu-tiae of things as opposed to defen-dants saying ldquoOK letrsquos step back here and letrsquos try to helprdquo
I wish that there were a real under-standing that these cases are not car accident cases and they should
not be treated as car accident cases My clients are not people whorsquove broken a leg and therefore need X amount of dollars in order to pay for medical services or whatnot And unfortu-nately that doesnrsquot necessarily happen
In terms of the thera-peutic community I would love to see counseling and therapy ses-sions be paid for through the pub-lic purse so that people who re-quire the services of highly-skilled counselors and therapists and psy-chologists can access those services without having to pay for them A lot of clients just donrsquot have the economic means to pay for such services until after they get a set-tlement and that could take years It would be wonderful to see those kinds of services funded the same way as a trip to the emergency room or a trip to your family doc-tor for a cold is funded Irsquod love to
vivors The amount of damage that can be done as a result of child-hood abuse or in fact any kind of sexual assault is tremendous It affects almost every aspect of someonersquos life It becomes inter-generational because it affects the people around the survivor and compensation awards are still very much a pale reflection of what is needed in order to help these peo-ple I hope that at some point our judges and our legislature under-stand that need and can corre-spondingly give appropriate and reasonable damage awards so that people can start to rebuild their lives in a meaningful way
I would love there to be an opportunity within our civil system for more than just compensation At this stage the only thing that a civil judge can do is award monetary compensation There are a lot of creative things that you can do within a settlement that are not purely fi-nancial that can give a lot of sol-ace to someone who has been abused whether that be in the form of some non-financial healing whether it be in the form of a situation where somebody can con-front their abuser if thatrsquos what they wish to do in a safe setting or whether itrsquos the ability for that sur-vivor to do something outside of pure simple dollars and put for-ward some sort of healing plan that is as individual as they are That can happen through settle-
be able to see that I think that that would go a long way to helping people earlier rather than later
Ultimately I wish that this situation didnrsquot exist anymore and I would be put out of business frankly
MS Well I can certainly sympa-thize with the way you feel but it would seem that you have a career ahead of you dealing with this problem
SJ Unfortunately I think you are right I think that instances of child-hood sexual abuse are not neces-sarily going down I think that insti-tutions are getting a little bit better at putting in place policies and sometimes even following their own policies to stop pedophiles from entering those institutions and preying on people that those insti-tutions are theoretically set up to serve but I think that as long as the problem of childhood sexual abuse is with us I will be out there trying to help anybody that I can
MS Is there anything else yoursquod like to say to our readers
SJ I think that organizations such as MaleSurvivor are imperative in helping people understand that they are not alone that itrsquos not their fault and there are ways to get help So hats off to an organi-zation such as yours The clients I have who are involved in your or-ganization are very very well served so I have to thank you for being a resource
MS Thank you very much for your kind comments and for your time Simona
ldquoUltimately I wish that
this situation didnrsquot exist
anymore and I would be
put out of business
franklyrdquo
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-
February 2009
Page 39
institutionrsquos response and lack of compassion and pastoral care
The Impact on Spir ituality
The frequently used term ldquosoul murderrdquo aptly describes what hap-pens when the abuser is a religious leader When the response of the religious institu-tion to a disclosure of abuse is experienced as self-serving and uncaring the survivor will likely lose his faith in the religious community of which he has been a part To belong and to feel connected is a basic human need When abused by clergy the loss of connection and belonging to what may have been a spiritual anchor can be devastating
To compound the harm the abuse may have occurred in a religious building The abuser may have worn traditional cleri-cal attire or may have made religious or biblical refer-ences As a result being exposed to religious symbols music or any other reminder can trigger flashbacks and other uncomfortable physical symptoms
The cleric is often considered Godrsquos representative on earth This gives the cleric power that surpasses his position and status When abuse is at the hands of a minister nun
accept that their spiritual leaders are capable of abuse There are many stories of clergy abuse survi-vors being abandoned by their religious communities (who side with the cleric) and their families who cannot face leaving the church that has given their lives meaning and comfort The resultant feelings of betrayal and abandonment are profound
The Role of the Religious Inst itutions
When religious institutions hold themselves up as ethical compasses and arbitrators of right and wrong society has an expectation that church leaders will act in a fair and moral way Many US Commissions and Grand Juries and Canadian reports such as the Winter Com-mission Report (Archdiocese of St Johns Newfoundland Canada 1990) Child Abuse in Community Institutions and Organizations and Improving Public and Professional Understanding (prepared for the Law Commission of Canada) all record and explain the dynamics that have lead to the failure of religious institutions to protect our children
While it is well known that any institution mdash educational recrea-tional or spiritual mdash is not immune from having sex offenders in its midst the religious institutions have a particular legacy of protect-ing the institution through aggres-sive legal tactics versus truth telling and reconciliation Many victims state that they have been less wounded by the actual abuse and profoundly more damaged by the
priest rabbi minister or elder the recipient of the abuse may experi-ence profound guilt for ldquoparticipatingrdquo in ldquosinfulrdquo behaviour mdash a mistaken belief that he is respon-sible for the abuse or shame that
he has ldquosinnedrdquo He may believe he is deserving of rejection or eternal damnation If he confesses he risks exposing the cleric who has likely done what he could to trick the victim into believing that he must maintain silence and secrecy One survivor describes feeling that rdquoIt was like being abused by God him-self If even God couldnrsquot love me how could anyone else ever love merdquo
These factors alone can leave a man who has been abused by clergy unable to find comfort and solace in what used to be his spiritual beliefs and his church Without these familiar beliefs the survivor is aban-
doned and alone when he most needs support
The Role of Gender While woman are ordained in some denominations there is still an imbalance of power between men and women in many religious tradi-tions For boys and men abused by male clerics embarrassment and
(Continued on page 40)
ldquoThe frequently used
term lsquosoul murderrsquo aptly
describes what happens
when the abuser is a
religious leader When
the response of the
religious institution to a
disclosure of abuse is
experienced as self-
serving and uncaring
the survivor will likely
lose his faith in the
religious community of
which he has been
a partrdquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 40
concerns of how they will be per-ceived promote silence For the boy or man abused by a female cleric there may be worries that he will be labelled the seducer or pres-sured to consider this ldquorelationshiprdquo as non-abusive
The study conducted by the John Jay Col-lege of Criminal Jus-tice regarding The Nature and Scope of the Problem of Sexual Abuse of Minors by Priests and Deacons in the Catholic Church (Washington DC USCCB 2004) found some very disturbing information about the age and gender of victims The largest group of reported victims (509) was between the ages of 11 and 14 273 of victims were 15 to 17 16 were eight to 10 and nearly 6 were under age seven Overall 81 of vic-tims were male and 19 female Male victims tended to be older than female victims Over 40 of all victims were males between the ages of 11 and 14
The largest group of reported victims in this study consisted of boys who were entering puberty This is a tumultuous time in most
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 39)
young menrsquos lives To have this period of development disrupted can contribute to many mental health problems including lack of confidence disruption of emo-tional sexual and psycho-social development isolation sexual identity confusion depression anxiety and abuse of substances
In Summary The harm experienced by those
who are abused by clergy is profound and multifaceted Some therapists will not want to work with survivors of clergy abuse due to the complexity of their issues their limited knowledge of the subject area possible religious biases and potential for litigation Most (but certainly not all) survivors will have experienced revictimization by their churches or religious institutions This compounded by abuse by a religious leader in a position of power will under-standably lead to unique challenges Survivors will have
significant trust issues that can impede the forming of a trusting therapeutic relationship with a therapist who will also be in a position of power and may be an employee of an institution With transparency and skill on the part of the therapist and tenacity on the part of the survivor effective thera-
peutic partnership can be achieved While recovery is difficult it is possible
The irony is that many survivors of abuse by clergy have a strong sense of integrity morality and perseverance They learned the lessons that the ldquoreligiousrdquo offend-ers failed to learn At the core of their beings these clergy abuse survivors are the prophets who have come to speak the truth and reveal the abuse and the decep-tions It is this desire for social justice truth telling belonging and connection that will allow a healthy spiritual belief system to rise out of the ashes of what has happened It is this healthy spiritual belief that makes many clergy abuse survivors persistent and tenacious in seeking recovery and social justice They are making a difference and chang-ing the world as we know it
ldquoThe harm experienced
by those who are
abused by clergy is
profound and
multifaceted Some
therapists will not want
to work with survivors
of clergy abuse due to
the complexity of their
issues their limited
knowledge of the
subject area possible
religious biases and
potential for litigationldquo
February 2009
Page 41
tion of it earlier in the lsquo90s but 1997 is when there was a critical mass of mostly male survivors coming forward and taking action against Maple Leaf Gardens Your question specifically was ldquoDid it play a role in my choice of ca-reersrdquo
MS Yes
SJ Yes and no The Maple Leaf
Gardens cases were not my first sexual assault cases but my in-volvement in these cases solidified my interest and desire to help sur-vivors
MS Could you take a few minutes to explain to our readers just what the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal was and why it has played a central role in revealing the extent of sex-ual abuse at least in the Toronto area
of my clients will say something like ldquoYou know this is not about the money I donrsquot care how much I get this is about something elserdquo And whatever that person seeks mdash an apology or the empowerment of filing a lawsuit or a million other unique things mdash that is why I do this kind of work Itrsquos about helping people through whatever process they need in order to begin that healing process the moving forward process
MS And also to provide your clients with a sense of justice
SJ Absolutely Justice is really not about the money itrsquos about the knowledge that theyrsquove come forward theyrsquove done something and theyrsquove empowered themselves It takes a tre-mendous amount of courage to do that I am always in awe of my cli-ents for the amount of courage they have They are my inspiration
MS Many Americans are unaware of the so-called Maple Leaf Gar-dens sex scandal that began some-time in the 1960s but didnrsquot come to wide public attention until 1997 the year after you began practicing law Did this scandal have some affect on your choice of career
SJ Actually the scandal did come to prominence before 1997 There was scattered media atten-
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 1)
SJ Sure There was a series of men who were employed at Maple Leaf Gardens which was the home of the Toronto Maple Leafs mdash the hockey club mdash who over a period of a couple of decades sexually abused probably hundreds of chil-dren It started in the lsquo60s it went on we believe until the early lsquo80s There were two principal men in-volved but there were at least three
others who also were ac-cused In order to under-stand why the Maple Leaf Gardens sex scandals are as important as they are you have to understand that hockey in Toronto and hockey in Canada is almost a religion Hockey is to Canadians what the NFL or Major League Baseball is to Americans Every little boy dreams of about becoming the next Wayne Gretzky becoming the best hockey player he can be Maple Leaf Gar-dens was the home of one of the best loved and biggest hockey teams mdash the Toronto Maple Leafs The Gardens was the high
temple of hockey in Canada and still is In the lsquo60s lsquo70s and even the lsquo80s children mdash mostly boys mdash would go to Maple Leaf Gardens usually unaccompanied by their parents because back then nobody really thought that anything bad would happen to them at the Gar-dens The boys would go there ei-ther for practice games or to watch the Maple Leafs play or more likely they would go to watch To-
(Continued on page 42)
ldquoMaple Leaf Gardens in Memory of Martin Kruzerdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 42
ronto Marlies games The Marlies were the farm team for the Toronto Maple Leafs During these games and these practices the pedophiles who worked at the Gardenrsquos would often befriend these boys seeking out boys who were more vulner-able than others most likely and would sexually assault the boys sometimes off-property but most often within the Gardens itself They would use their position as employees of the Gardens to be able to say to the boys if you come with me Irsquoll get you a broken hockey stick or hockey puck or Irsquoll get you into better seats the next game or whatever other type of inducement would be necessary to get the boys to go with them into either a washroom or a training room or other private place where the boys would be sexually abused
In 1997 there were about 50 or 60 cases all joined to-gether and Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Entertainment Ltd wanted to settle all the cases prior to the Toronto Maple Leafs moving into a new hockey rink called the Air Canada Center so as to have a clean slate at the new rink By and large a lot of the litigation was fin-ished before the team moved into the Air Canada Center but not all of it In fact there are probably 17 or 19 cases going through the court
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 41)
system today more than 10 years after the original large group of plaintiffs went through the court and I believe that new people will continue to come forward when they are strong enough
MS I understand that one of the principal plaintiffs in the case Mar-tin Kruze had settled with the owners or the operators of the Ma-ple Leaf Gardens in 1995 and that he signed a confidentiality agree-ment not to reveal the settlement
or perhaps even the details of what had happened to him Do you think that the confidentiality agree-ment Mr Kruze agreed to slowed down or hindered the full exposure of this scandal
SJ I think that any confidentiality agreement blocks public access to knowledge and to understanding so I do suspect that Martinrsquos confi-dentiality agreement did have some impact on the scandal re-
maining hidden for as long as it did Absolutely yes I believe that confidentiality agreements are in-herently difficult for plaintiffs be-cause they create and continue a cycle of secrecy Sexual assault is a crime that is almost always carried out in secret and the guilt and shame it produces is key in helping pedophiles maintain their hold over their victims Putting a confidential-ity agreement on a settlement just perpetuates the guilt and the shame
MS Unfortunately Martin Kruzersquos principal perpetrator received a shockingly light sen-tence for all his actions and I understand that this led to Martin com-mitting suicide shortly afterwards
SJ I would think that the perpetratorrsquos sentence was a part of why Martin chose to end his life yes It hap-pened relatively shortly after the sentencing and I suspect that it weighed heavily on Martinrsquos decision
MS Do you think that the sen-tence that the perpetrator received was a reflection of the then current attitude towards pedophiles and sexual abuse
SJ The sentence that the perpe-trator received was a reflection on the way that the Canadian justice system deals with criminals regard-ing personal crimes absolutely It was a very low sentence in keep-
Imants Kruze visiting his sonrsquos memorial quilt square in the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 43
obtain here versus how much they can obtain in the United States In the United States there is no cap for pain and suffering awards whereas here in Canada there is a very small cap mdash about $325000 If a survivor of sexual assault goes through the court system and even if they have a very good day in court in terms of compensation yoursquore probably looking at an award for dam-ages somewhere be-tween $200000 and $500000 Sometimes itrsquos actually less than $200000 and very very rarely more than $500000 so in that sense we are defi-nitely behind But I donrsquot think itrsquos a question of waiting 10 years to see if we ldquocatch uprdquo I think itrsquos just a fundamental difference in how our court system works and whatrsquos available to survivors in terms of compensation
If you mean that Canada is 10 years behind in dealing with other aspects of sexual assault then you are probably correct in terms of media attention public awareness and outrage Sexual assault is still largely an unreported unprose-cuted crime But things are getting better every day and as more and more survivors come forward posi-tive changes will continue to hap-pen
MS As Irsquom sure you know therersquos periodic discussion about tort re-
ing with what was handed out at the time and to a large extent itrsquos still in keeping with what is handed out right now
MS Are you still representing or have you represented anyone who is a plaintiff in this scandal
SJ I was very much involved in the core group of Maple Leaf Gar-dens survivors that came forward in 1997 I was on what was called the plaintiffsrsquo committee back then which was a group of a few lawyers who brought the litigation forward I represented a number of plaintiffs in the original group that came forward I have also represented quite a few men throughout the last 10 years and currently repre-sent two men in the last group of plaintiffs to come forward I have also been approached by at least two other men who may decide to pursue litigation
MS Dale English mdash who has spo-ken to you at some length mdash has said to me that either you or he or both of you have felt that Canada is perhaps 10 or more years behind the US in dealing with the issues of sexual abuse and sexual assault Could you elaborate on that com-ment
SJ I think it depends on what you mean by dealing with the is-sues If you mean dealing with the issues in terms of bringing civil cases forward to a certain extent we are behind One of the funda-mental differences between the United States and Canada is the way that our tort systems operate and specifically the amount of compensation that tort victims can
form in the United States mainly aimed at capping punitive dam-ages Irsquom wondering whether there is the mirror of that in Canada mdash whether therersquos any movement to-wards tort reform that would allow greater awards to victims
SJ Well there is and there isnrsquot In Canada itrsquos very difficult if not
impossible to get pu-nitive damages espe-cially if therersquos a criminal conviction The punitive damages that are available in Canada are very low A typical punitive damage award would be $20000 or $25000 - usually not much more than that So damages are quite restricted here in any event In terms of tort reform I think there is a global push by in-surance companies to
try to limit compensation whether in the States or here The things that the American Association of Justice are fighting for down in the States are the same things that the Ontario Trial Lawyers Association are fighting for here mdash the continued ability to sue for compensation un-hampered by legislative roadblocks benefitting powerful institutional defendants to the detriment of those who have suffered Ours is a much smaller playing field and therefore less money is at stake In terms of plaintiffsrsquo lawyers wersquore trying to maximize the compensa-tion that we can get for our client Every time we go to court we try
(Continued on page 44)
ldquoIf you mean that
Canada is 10 years
behind in dealing with
other aspects of sexual
assault then you are
probably correct in
terms of media
attention public
awareness and outrageldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 44
to get a higher damage award so that that case will be a building block for future cases There are always attempts to try to circum-vent the cap on pain and suffering damages that we have Itrsquos not an easy thing to do the cap has been in place in Canada for 32 years now It was put in place in 1977 by the Supreme Court of Canada and itrsquos unlikely to be overturned any-time soon Even though from a purely theoretical legal analysis that cap does not apply to pain and suffering damages for victims of sexual assault and sexual abuse the reality is that judges still use that cap as a high water mark even though it doesnrsquot formally apply mdash it is still a de facto cap and to be honest with you it is almost impos-sible to get anywhere near that cap for compensation for pain and suf-fering A typical pain and suffering award in Canada for childhood sex-ual abuse is somewhere between $100000 and $200000 Anything on top of that would be associated economic loss or care costs
MS Itrsquos quite unfortunate that even though therersquos no real cap the law behaves as if there were one
SJ Yep I couldnrsquot agree with you more Itrsquos very unfortunate
MS I understand that in 2005 the government of Ontario convened whatrsquos known as the Cornwall Pub-lic Inquiry Was the Inquiry con-vened to address the issues of sex-ual abuse and sexual assault and
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 43)
the way the justice system is han-dling it
SJ Thatrsquos probably one of the reasons the Inquiry was convened Thatrsquos one of the hopes The In-quiry was convened because of what was going on in a little city east of Toronto mdash a series of allega-tions against very prominent mem-bers of that community involving the sexual abuse of children over a period of many many years The idea behind the Inquiry is to try to figure out what happened and to put in place some recommenda-tions that will not only stop some-thing like the abuse in Cornwall from happening again but will also try to help those who were affected by the events in the first place And to some extent I think some good will come of the Inquiry Hopefully the recommendations will be good for survivors of childhood sexual abuse or any kind of sexual assault The Submission phase of the In-quiry officially ended late February 2009
MS Did you have the opportunity to testify before the Inquiry
SJ I did not personally testify before the Inquiry Testimony was generally limited to the people ac-tually involved mdash police officers vic-tims what not I was involved in the Inquiry with regards to a panel discussionroundtable that they had regarding the use of confiden-tiality agreements
MS As you probably know Male-Survivor was first founded in the early 1980s by a group of thera-pists who were concerned about support for victims of childhood
sexual abuse and although Male-Survivor is still not a very large or-ganization it has increased its in-fluence significantly over the years and Irsquom wondering whether there is a similar non-profit or other group in Canada that also is dedi-cated to helping victims of child-hood sexual abuse
SJ There are some grass roots organizations that deal with victims of childhood sexual abuse or adult sexual assault I donrsquot believe there is as cohesive a unit as MaleSurvi-vor I may be wrong on that but there are smaller more community based organizations that assist sur-vivors That being said resources available to survivors are unfortu-nately pretty limited
MS Is that because there are too few therapists in that form of prac-tice
SJ I think itrsquos a mixture of many different things First of all Canada has a much smaller population base mdash 30 million people as com-pared to 300 million in the United States mdash so you have significantly fewer people affected and there-fore you have significantly fewer resources available to those people The services that we do have will often have very long waiting lists before people can access them There are some very very good counselors in Canada assisting sur-vivors but unfortunately the waiting lists are sometimes long and the availability for public funding to provide services free of charge is somewhat limited
MS Is there anything in your opinion about the Canadian health
February 2009
Page 45
system that contributes to the scar-city of services
SJ I donrsquot know if itrsquos the Cana-dian health system I think that in Canada we have a pretty good public health system in the sense that anybody who needs medical services can access those services free of charge The problem is that a lot of these services are not covered under our health system per se Many are covered under either private plans or pay as you go type services and itrsquos just a question of finding the people who can provide these services and being lucky enough to get them when they either donrsquot have a waiting list or other-wise having to wait until your name comes up on that waiting list
MS And that could takes years in some cases it seems
SJ My understanding is that those waiting lists can be quite long but there are very good peo-ple out there Itrsquos just a question of finding them and being able to afford them
MS Can you elaborate on other differences between the US and Canada that affect the way survi-vors and perpetrators are treated by the legal system and the media
SJ The differences between Can-ada and the US are really huge On the surface Americans and Canadi-ans look pretty much the same dress the same talk the same eat the same foods and by and large watch the same TV but culturally there is a huge difference in the way we look at the world in the
way our legal system works and the way that people interact with one another
Americans are much more litigious by na-ture I think this is due to the fact that in the United States mdash at least as seen from the outside mdash the rights of the individual are paramount In Can-ada less so Canada is much more commu-nity-oriented We of-tentimes think about how something is going to affect others instead of looking at what an individual might be entitled to I think that the high
damage awards available through the American legal system are beneficial in sexual abuse cases as is the lack of a cap on awards which we have
In some ways though our legal system is much better for my cli-ents than the US system would be because of the way that our actual process works One of the things that I know is very damaging to a lot of plaintiffs in the United States is the whole discovery process tak-
ing depositions Depositions can go on for a huge number of days and pretty much everybody in the per-sonrsquos life can be called to give a deposition That is very troubling and painful for people who donrsquot necessarily want others to know about their abuse or donrsquot want to involve their family Here in Canada depositions mdash or what we call the examination for discovery mdash are lim-ited to the actual named parties in the lawsuit The defendant and the plaintiff are examined for discovery or deposed if you will Anyone who is not an actual party to the litiga-tion can only be discovered under court orders and itrsquos very difficult to get those court orders so in that sense itrsquos a much quicker cleaner process and less intrusive on some-onersquos life So that is probably a good thing
The other really huge difference between the two systems which I think does in fact impact on why a lot of these cases settle as opposed to going to court and oftentimes settle for very different amounts of money than they would if they went to court is that in Canada we have a ldquoloser paysrdquo system If you go to court and you lose you have to pay at least a portion of the fees incurred by the other side Letrsquos say the defendantrsquos settlement offer is $100000 If the plaintiff does not accept that $100000 and at trial the plaintiff gets $99000 then the plaintiff has to pay the lawyerrsquos fees of the defendant because the award is less than the settlement offer That is very difficult That means that a lot of cases are set-tled for probably less money than
(Continued on page 46)
ldquoOn the surface
Americans and
Canadians look pretty
much the same hellip but
culturally there is a
huge difference in the
way we look at the
world in the way our
legal system works and
the way that people
interact with one
anotherldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 46
MS I join you in that hope Any-thing that can advance the cause of not only helping people but also helping prevent further abuses is always going to be welcome If you could set forth a vision of how you would like to see the law and the therapeutic community in Canada evolve to handle matters of child-
hood sexual abuse and sexual assault mdash if you could influence the reform of institu-tions what would your vision be
SJ Oh Richard Wow Well first and foremost I would love to raise public aware-ness of this issue for various reasons I think that increased public awareness will not necessarily reduce the instances of abuse but will help improve how abuse is dealt with when itrsquos ongoing and after-wards Itrsquos very im-portant that when a child is hurt that
child knows that he can go to peo-ple for help and support All too often if kids get up enough cour-age to tell someone the reaction they get is not very positive I think that with increased public aware-ness hopefully people will under-stand that there are ways to deal with this that will decrease the amount of harm so public aware-ness is paramount
I would like the legal system to raise compensation awards for sur-
turning point in bringing to the publicrsquos attention that the sexual assault of children can happen does happen and itrsquos a very diffi-cult thing for anyone to go through whether theyrsquore little boys or grown men that were abused as children It brought childhood sex-ual abuse out of the shadows to a certain extent The scandal still garners media attention as new survivors come forward but not the same as it did 10 years ago
MS Would you say that the lack of inves-tigative reporting is a cultural phenomenon or is it that the news-papers donrsquot feel they have that role
SJ Oh no Canadian newspapers do feel that they have a role in investigating things but for whatever rea-son sexual abuse of children has not been a priority The Cana-dian media really has not been at the forefront of this issue the way the media in the United States has been and I think that is tremen-dously disappointing The lack of media attention means that we arenrsquot fostering the awareness within the public that we need in order to provide real help and ser-vices for survivors We need the mediarsquos help to bring this horrific crime to light and to help stop it from happening
they would get if they went to court because that risk of going to court and not getting at least the amount of the original offer weighs heavily on everyone Our system is designed and geared toward avoid-ing trials which can be good be-cause nobody really wants to go through a trial but can be bad be-cause people become very intimi-dated by the prospect of losing or not getting as much as the settle-ment offer and being indebted to the defendant for a lot of money Thatrsquos a scary scary thing to go through
With regards to the media the US has a media that by and large has helped out a lot with sexual abuse cases The whole issue of clergy abuse really started with investiga-tive reporting by the Boston Globe right
MS Right
SJ They really took that issue and just ran with it Here in Canada we really havenrsquot had the same kind of investigative media cover-age as yoursquove had which is why events like the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal are not as huge as they are down in the States
Before Martin Kruze committed sui-cide the media was only somewhat interested in the Maple Leaf Gar-dens scandal Martin Kruze was a figure because he had sued the Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Com-plex But after he committed sui-cide the media was really galva-nized and that was probably a
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 45)
ldquoThe lack of media
attention means that we
arenrsquot fostering the
awareness within the
public that we need in
order to provide real
help and services for
survivors We need the
mediarsquos help to bring
this horrific crime to
light and to help stop it
from happeningrdquo
February 2009
Page 47
ments but it canrsquot at this stage really happen through the courts
I would want there to be an ability for institutions or perpetrators mdash de-fendants mdash to look beyond mere dollars and cents and look toward healing the person that they have hurt either directly or indirectly All too often in these cases we really become tied up in the legal minu-tiae of things as opposed to defen-dants saying ldquoOK letrsquos step back here and letrsquos try to helprdquo
I wish that there were a real under-standing that these cases are not car accident cases and they should
not be treated as car accident cases My clients are not people whorsquove broken a leg and therefore need X amount of dollars in order to pay for medical services or whatnot And unfortu-nately that doesnrsquot necessarily happen
In terms of the thera-peutic community I would love to see counseling and therapy ses-sions be paid for through the pub-lic purse so that people who re-quire the services of highly-skilled counselors and therapists and psy-chologists can access those services without having to pay for them A lot of clients just donrsquot have the economic means to pay for such services until after they get a set-tlement and that could take years It would be wonderful to see those kinds of services funded the same way as a trip to the emergency room or a trip to your family doc-tor for a cold is funded Irsquod love to
vivors The amount of damage that can be done as a result of child-hood abuse or in fact any kind of sexual assault is tremendous It affects almost every aspect of someonersquos life It becomes inter-generational because it affects the people around the survivor and compensation awards are still very much a pale reflection of what is needed in order to help these peo-ple I hope that at some point our judges and our legislature under-stand that need and can corre-spondingly give appropriate and reasonable damage awards so that people can start to rebuild their lives in a meaningful way
I would love there to be an opportunity within our civil system for more than just compensation At this stage the only thing that a civil judge can do is award monetary compensation There are a lot of creative things that you can do within a settlement that are not purely fi-nancial that can give a lot of sol-ace to someone who has been abused whether that be in the form of some non-financial healing whether it be in the form of a situation where somebody can con-front their abuser if thatrsquos what they wish to do in a safe setting or whether itrsquos the ability for that sur-vivor to do something outside of pure simple dollars and put for-ward some sort of healing plan that is as individual as they are That can happen through settle-
be able to see that I think that that would go a long way to helping people earlier rather than later
Ultimately I wish that this situation didnrsquot exist anymore and I would be put out of business frankly
MS Well I can certainly sympa-thize with the way you feel but it would seem that you have a career ahead of you dealing with this problem
SJ Unfortunately I think you are right I think that instances of child-hood sexual abuse are not neces-sarily going down I think that insti-tutions are getting a little bit better at putting in place policies and sometimes even following their own policies to stop pedophiles from entering those institutions and preying on people that those insti-tutions are theoretically set up to serve but I think that as long as the problem of childhood sexual abuse is with us I will be out there trying to help anybody that I can
MS Is there anything else yoursquod like to say to our readers
SJ I think that organizations such as MaleSurvivor are imperative in helping people understand that they are not alone that itrsquos not their fault and there are ways to get help So hats off to an organi-zation such as yours The clients I have who are involved in your or-ganization are very very well served so I have to thank you for being a resource
MS Thank you very much for your kind comments and for your time Simona
ldquoUltimately I wish that
this situation didnrsquot exist
anymore and I would be
put out of business
franklyrdquo
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-
Vol 2 No 2
Page 40
concerns of how they will be per-ceived promote silence For the boy or man abused by a female cleric there may be worries that he will be labelled the seducer or pres-sured to consider this ldquorelationshiprdquo as non-abusive
The study conducted by the John Jay Col-lege of Criminal Jus-tice regarding The Nature and Scope of the Problem of Sexual Abuse of Minors by Priests and Deacons in the Catholic Church (Washington DC USCCB 2004) found some very disturbing information about the age and gender of victims The largest group of reported victims (509) was between the ages of 11 and 14 273 of victims were 15 to 17 16 were eight to 10 and nearly 6 were under age seven Overall 81 of vic-tims were male and 19 female Male victims tended to be older than female victims Over 40 of all victims were males between the ages of 11 and 14
The largest group of reported victims in this study consisted of boys who were entering puberty This is a tumultuous time in most
Recovery when the Abuser is a Religious leader
(Continued from page 39)
young menrsquos lives To have this period of development disrupted can contribute to many mental health problems including lack of confidence disruption of emo-tional sexual and psycho-social development isolation sexual identity confusion depression anxiety and abuse of substances
In Summary The harm experienced by those
who are abused by clergy is profound and multifaceted Some therapists will not want to work with survivors of clergy abuse due to the complexity of their issues their limited knowledge of the subject area possible religious biases and potential for litigation Most (but certainly not all) survivors will have experienced revictimization by their churches or religious institutions This compounded by abuse by a religious leader in a position of power will under-standably lead to unique challenges Survivors will have
significant trust issues that can impede the forming of a trusting therapeutic relationship with a therapist who will also be in a position of power and may be an employee of an institution With transparency and skill on the part of the therapist and tenacity on the part of the survivor effective thera-
peutic partnership can be achieved While recovery is difficult it is possible
The irony is that many survivors of abuse by clergy have a strong sense of integrity morality and perseverance They learned the lessons that the ldquoreligiousrdquo offend-ers failed to learn At the core of their beings these clergy abuse survivors are the prophets who have come to speak the truth and reveal the abuse and the decep-tions It is this desire for social justice truth telling belonging and connection that will allow a healthy spiritual belief system to rise out of the ashes of what has happened It is this healthy spiritual belief that makes many clergy abuse survivors persistent and tenacious in seeking recovery and social justice They are making a difference and chang-ing the world as we know it
ldquoThe harm experienced
by those who are
abused by clergy is
profound and
multifaceted Some
therapists will not want
to work with survivors
of clergy abuse due to
the complexity of their
issues their limited
knowledge of the
subject area possible
religious biases and
potential for litigationldquo
February 2009
Page 41
tion of it earlier in the lsquo90s but 1997 is when there was a critical mass of mostly male survivors coming forward and taking action against Maple Leaf Gardens Your question specifically was ldquoDid it play a role in my choice of ca-reersrdquo
MS Yes
SJ Yes and no The Maple Leaf
Gardens cases were not my first sexual assault cases but my in-volvement in these cases solidified my interest and desire to help sur-vivors
MS Could you take a few minutes to explain to our readers just what the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal was and why it has played a central role in revealing the extent of sex-ual abuse at least in the Toronto area
of my clients will say something like ldquoYou know this is not about the money I donrsquot care how much I get this is about something elserdquo And whatever that person seeks mdash an apology or the empowerment of filing a lawsuit or a million other unique things mdash that is why I do this kind of work Itrsquos about helping people through whatever process they need in order to begin that healing process the moving forward process
MS And also to provide your clients with a sense of justice
SJ Absolutely Justice is really not about the money itrsquos about the knowledge that theyrsquove come forward theyrsquove done something and theyrsquove empowered themselves It takes a tre-mendous amount of courage to do that I am always in awe of my cli-ents for the amount of courage they have They are my inspiration
MS Many Americans are unaware of the so-called Maple Leaf Gar-dens sex scandal that began some-time in the 1960s but didnrsquot come to wide public attention until 1997 the year after you began practicing law Did this scandal have some affect on your choice of career
SJ Actually the scandal did come to prominence before 1997 There was scattered media atten-
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 1)
SJ Sure There was a series of men who were employed at Maple Leaf Gardens which was the home of the Toronto Maple Leafs mdash the hockey club mdash who over a period of a couple of decades sexually abused probably hundreds of chil-dren It started in the lsquo60s it went on we believe until the early lsquo80s There were two principal men in-volved but there were at least three
others who also were ac-cused In order to under-stand why the Maple Leaf Gardens sex scandals are as important as they are you have to understand that hockey in Toronto and hockey in Canada is almost a religion Hockey is to Canadians what the NFL or Major League Baseball is to Americans Every little boy dreams of about becoming the next Wayne Gretzky becoming the best hockey player he can be Maple Leaf Gar-dens was the home of one of the best loved and biggest hockey teams mdash the Toronto Maple Leafs The Gardens was the high
temple of hockey in Canada and still is In the lsquo60s lsquo70s and even the lsquo80s children mdash mostly boys mdash would go to Maple Leaf Gardens usually unaccompanied by their parents because back then nobody really thought that anything bad would happen to them at the Gar-dens The boys would go there ei-ther for practice games or to watch the Maple Leafs play or more likely they would go to watch To-
(Continued on page 42)
ldquoMaple Leaf Gardens in Memory of Martin Kruzerdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 42
ronto Marlies games The Marlies were the farm team for the Toronto Maple Leafs During these games and these practices the pedophiles who worked at the Gardenrsquos would often befriend these boys seeking out boys who were more vulner-able than others most likely and would sexually assault the boys sometimes off-property but most often within the Gardens itself They would use their position as employees of the Gardens to be able to say to the boys if you come with me Irsquoll get you a broken hockey stick or hockey puck or Irsquoll get you into better seats the next game or whatever other type of inducement would be necessary to get the boys to go with them into either a washroom or a training room or other private place where the boys would be sexually abused
In 1997 there were about 50 or 60 cases all joined to-gether and Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Entertainment Ltd wanted to settle all the cases prior to the Toronto Maple Leafs moving into a new hockey rink called the Air Canada Center so as to have a clean slate at the new rink By and large a lot of the litigation was fin-ished before the team moved into the Air Canada Center but not all of it In fact there are probably 17 or 19 cases going through the court
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 41)
system today more than 10 years after the original large group of plaintiffs went through the court and I believe that new people will continue to come forward when they are strong enough
MS I understand that one of the principal plaintiffs in the case Mar-tin Kruze had settled with the owners or the operators of the Ma-ple Leaf Gardens in 1995 and that he signed a confidentiality agree-ment not to reveal the settlement
or perhaps even the details of what had happened to him Do you think that the confidentiality agree-ment Mr Kruze agreed to slowed down or hindered the full exposure of this scandal
SJ I think that any confidentiality agreement blocks public access to knowledge and to understanding so I do suspect that Martinrsquos confi-dentiality agreement did have some impact on the scandal re-
maining hidden for as long as it did Absolutely yes I believe that confidentiality agreements are in-herently difficult for plaintiffs be-cause they create and continue a cycle of secrecy Sexual assault is a crime that is almost always carried out in secret and the guilt and shame it produces is key in helping pedophiles maintain their hold over their victims Putting a confidential-ity agreement on a settlement just perpetuates the guilt and the shame
MS Unfortunately Martin Kruzersquos principal perpetrator received a shockingly light sen-tence for all his actions and I understand that this led to Martin com-mitting suicide shortly afterwards
SJ I would think that the perpetratorrsquos sentence was a part of why Martin chose to end his life yes It hap-pened relatively shortly after the sentencing and I suspect that it weighed heavily on Martinrsquos decision
MS Do you think that the sen-tence that the perpetrator received was a reflection of the then current attitude towards pedophiles and sexual abuse
SJ The sentence that the perpe-trator received was a reflection on the way that the Canadian justice system deals with criminals regard-ing personal crimes absolutely It was a very low sentence in keep-
Imants Kruze visiting his sonrsquos memorial quilt square in the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 43
obtain here versus how much they can obtain in the United States In the United States there is no cap for pain and suffering awards whereas here in Canada there is a very small cap mdash about $325000 If a survivor of sexual assault goes through the court system and even if they have a very good day in court in terms of compensation yoursquore probably looking at an award for dam-ages somewhere be-tween $200000 and $500000 Sometimes itrsquos actually less than $200000 and very very rarely more than $500000 so in that sense we are defi-nitely behind But I donrsquot think itrsquos a question of waiting 10 years to see if we ldquocatch uprdquo I think itrsquos just a fundamental difference in how our court system works and whatrsquos available to survivors in terms of compensation
If you mean that Canada is 10 years behind in dealing with other aspects of sexual assault then you are probably correct in terms of media attention public awareness and outrage Sexual assault is still largely an unreported unprose-cuted crime But things are getting better every day and as more and more survivors come forward posi-tive changes will continue to hap-pen
MS As Irsquom sure you know therersquos periodic discussion about tort re-
ing with what was handed out at the time and to a large extent itrsquos still in keeping with what is handed out right now
MS Are you still representing or have you represented anyone who is a plaintiff in this scandal
SJ I was very much involved in the core group of Maple Leaf Gar-dens survivors that came forward in 1997 I was on what was called the plaintiffsrsquo committee back then which was a group of a few lawyers who brought the litigation forward I represented a number of plaintiffs in the original group that came forward I have also represented quite a few men throughout the last 10 years and currently repre-sent two men in the last group of plaintiffs to come forward I have also been approached by at least two other men who may decide to pursue litigation
MS Dale English mdash who has spo-ken to you at some length mdash has said to me that either you or he or both of you have felt that Canada is perhaps 10 or more years behind the US in dealing with the issues of sexual abuse and sexual assault Could you elaborate on that com-ment
SJ I think it depends on what you mean by dealing with the is-sues If you mean dealing with the issues in terms of bringing civil cases forward to a certain extent we are behind One of the funda-mental differences between the United States and Canada is the way that our tort systems operate and specifically the amount of compensation that tort victims can
form in the United States mainly aimed at capping punitive dam-ages Irsquom wondering whether there is the mirror of that in Canada mdash whether therersquos any movement to-wards tort reform that would allow greater awards to victims
SJ Well there is and there isnrsquot In Canada itrsquos very difficult if not
impossible to get pu-nitive damages espe-cially if therersquos a criminal conviction The punitive damages that are available in Canada are very low A typical punitive damage award would be $20000 or $25000 - usually not much more than that So damages are quite restricted here in any event In terms of tort reform I think there is a global push by in-surance companies to
try to limit compensation whether in the States or here The things that the American Association of Justice are fighting for down in the States are the same things that the Ontario Trial Lawyers Association are fighting for here mdash the continued ability to sue for compensation un-hampered by legislative roadblocks benefitting powerful institutional defendants to the detriment of those who have suffered Ours is a much smaller playing field and therefore less money is at stake In terms of plaintiffsrsquo lawyers wersquore trying to maximize the compensa-tion that we can get for our client Every time we go to court we try
(Continued on page 44)
ldquoIf you mean that
Canada is 10 years
behind in dealing with
other aspects of sexual
assault then you are
probably correct in
terms of media
attention public
awareness and outrageldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 44
to get a higher damage award so that that case will be a building block for future cases There are always attempts to try to circum-vent the cap on pain and suffering damages that we have Itrsquos not an easy thing to do the cap has been in place in Canada for 32 years now It was put in place in 1977 by the Supreme Court of Canada and itrsquos unlikely to be overturned any-time soon Even though from a purely theoretical legal analysis that cap does not apply to pain and suffering damages for victims of sexual assault and sexual abuse the reality is that judges still use that cap as a high water mark even though it doesnrsquot formally apply mdash it is still a de facto cap and to be honest with you it is almost impos-sible to get anywhere near that cap for compensation for pain and suf-fering A typical pain and suffering award in Canada for childhood sex-ual abuse is somewhere between $100000 and $200000 Anything on top of that would be associated economic loss or care costs
MS Itrsquos quite unfortunate that even though therersquos no real cap the law behaves as if there were one
SJ Yep I couldnrsquot agree with you more Itrsquos very unfortunate
MS I understand that in 2005 the government of Ontario convened whatrsquos known as the Cornwall Pub-lic Inquiry Was the Inquiry con-vened to address the issues of sex-ual abuse and sexual assault and
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 43)
the way the justice system is han-dling it
SJ Thatrsquos probably one of the reasons the Inquiry was convened Thatrsquos one of the hopes The In-quiry was convened because of what was going on in a little city east of Toronto mdash a series of allega-tions against very prominent mem-bers of that community involving the sexual abuse of children over a period of many many years The idea behind the Inquiry is to try to figure out what happened and to put in place some recommenda-tions that will not only stop some-thing like the abuse in Cornwall from happening again but will also try to help those who were affected by the events in the first place And to some extent I think some good will come of the Inquiry Hopefully the recommendations will be good for survivors of childhood sexual abuse or any kind of sexual assault The Submission phase of the In-quiry officially ended late February 2009
MS Did you have the opportunity to testify before the Inquiry
SJ I did not personally testify before the Inquiry Testimony was generally limited to the people ac-tually involved mdash police officers vic-tims what not I was involved in the Inquiry with regards to a panel discussionroundtable that they had regarding the use of confiden-tiality agreements
MS As you probably know Male-Survivor was first founded in the early 1980s by a group of thera-pists who were concerned about support for victims of childhood
sexual abuse and although Male-Survivor is still not a very large or-ganization it has increased its in-fluence significantly over the years and Irsquom wondering whether there is a similar non-profit or other group in Canada that also is dedi-cated to helping victims of child-hood sexual abuse
SJ There are some grass roots organizations that deal with victims of childhood sexual abuse or adult sexual assault I donrsquot believe there is as cohesive a unit as MaleSurvi-vor I may be wrong on that but there are smaller more community based organizations that assist sur-vivors That being said resources available to survivors are unfortu-nately pretty limited
MS Is that because there are too few therapists in that form of prac-tice
SJ I think itrsquos a mixture of many different things First of all Canada has a much smaller population base mdash 30 million people as com-pared to 300 million in the United States mdash so you have significantly fewer people affected and there-fore you have significantly fewer resources available to those people The services that we do have will often have very long waiting lists before people can access them There are some very very good counselors in Canada assisting sur-vivors but unfortunately the waiting lists are sometimes long and the availability for public funding to provide services free of charge is somewhat limited
MS Is there anything in your opinion about the Canadian health
February 2009
Page 45
system that contributes to the scar-city of services
SJ I donrsquot know if itrsquos the Cana-dian health system I think that in Canada we have a pretty good public health system in the sense that anybody who needs medical services can access those services free of charge The problem is that a lot of these services are not covered under our health system per se Many are covered under either private plans or pay as you go type services and itrsquos just a question of finding the people who can provide these services and being lucky enough to get them when they either donrsquot have a waiting list or other-wise having to wait until your name comes up on that waiting list
MS And that could takes years in some cases it seems
SJ My understanding is that those waiting lists can be quite long but there are very good peo-ple out there Itrsquos just a question of finding them and being able to afford them
MS Can you elaborate on other differences between the US and Canada that affect the way survi-vors and perpetrators are treated by the legal system and the media
SJ The differences between Can-ada and the US are really huge On the surface Americans and Canadi-ans look pretty much the same dress the same talk the same eat the same foods and by and large watch the same TV but culturally there is a huge difference in the way we look at the world in the
way our legal system works and the way that people interact with one another
Americans are much more litigious by na-ture I think this is due to the fact that in the United States mdash at least as seen from the outside mdash the rights of the individual are paramount In Can-ada less so Canada is much more commu-nity-oriented We of-tentimes think about how something is going to affect others instead of looking at what an individual might be entitled to I think that the high
damage awards available through the American legal system are beneficial in sexual abuse cases as is the lack of a cap on awards which we have
In some ways though our legal system is much better for my cli-ents than the US system would be because of the way that our actual process works One of the things that I know is very damaging to a lot of plaintiffs in the United States is the whole discovery process tak-
ing depositions Depositions can go on for a huge number of days and pretty much everybody in the per-sonrsquos life can be called to give a deposition That is very troubling and painful for people who donrsquot necessarily want others to know about their abuse or donrsquot want to involve their family Here in Canada depositions mdash or what we call the examination for discovery mdash are lim-ited to the actual named parties in the lawsuit The defendant and the plaintiff are examined for discovery or deposed if you will Anyone who is not an actual party to the litiga-tion can only be discovered under court orders and itrsquos very difficult to get those court orders so in that sense itrsquos a much quicker cleaner process and less intrusive on some-onersquos life So that is probably a good thing
The other really huge difference between the two systems which I think does in fact impact on why a lot of these cases settle as opposed to going to court and oftentimes settle for very different amounts of money than they would if they went to court is that in Canada we have a ldquoloser paysrdquo system If you go to court and you lose you have to pay at least a portion of the fees incurred by the other side Letrsquos say the defendantrsquos settlement offer is $100000 If the plaintiff does not accept that $100000 and at trial the plaintiff gets $99000 then the plaintiff has to pay the lawyerrsquos fees of the defendant because the award is less than the settlement offer That is very difficult That means that a lot of cases are set-tled for probably less money than
(Continued on page 46)
ldquoOn the surface
Americans and
Canadians look pretty
much the same hellip but
culturally there is a
huge difference in the
way we look at the
world in the way our
legal system works and
the way that people
interact with one
anotherldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 46
MS I join you in that hope Any-thing that can advance the cause of not only helping people but also helping prevent further abuses is always going to be welcome If you could set forth a vision of how you would like to see the law and the therapeutic community in Canada evolve to handle matters of child-
hood sexual abuse and sexual assault mdash if you could influence the reform of institu-tions what would your vision be
SJ Oh Richard Wow Well first and foremost I would love to raise public aware-ness of this issue for various reasons I think that increased public awareness will not necessarily reduce the instances of abuse but will help improve how abuse is dealt with when itrsquos ongoing and after-wards Itrsquos very im-portant that when a child is hurt that
child knows that he can go to peo-ple for help and support All too often if kids get up enough cour-age to tell someone the reaction they get is not very positive I think that with increased public aware-ness hopefully people will under-stand that there are ways to deal with this that will decrease the amount of harm so public aware-ness is paramount
I would like the legal system to raise compensation awards for sur-
turning point in bringing to the publicrsquos attention that the sexual assault of children can happen does happen and itrsquos a very diffi-cult thing for anyone to go through whether theyrsquore little boys or grown men that were abused as children It brought childhood sex-ual abuse out of the shadows to a certain extent The scandal still garners media attention as new survivors come forward but not the same as it did 10 years ago
MS Would you say that the lack of inves-tigative reporting is a cultural phenomenon or is it that the news-papers donrsquot feel they have that role
SJ Oh no Canadian newspapers do feel that they have a role in investigating things but for whatever rea-son sexual abuse of children has not been a priority The Cana-dian media really has not been at the forefront of this issue the way the media in the United States has been and I think that is tremen-dously disappointing The lack of media attention means that we arenrsquot fostering the awareness within the public that we need in order to provide real help and ser-vices for survivors We need the mediarsquos help to bring this horrific crime to light and to help stop it from happening
they would get if they went to court because that risk of going to court and not getting at least the amount of the original offer weighs heavily on everyone Our system is designed and geared toward avoid-ing trials which can be good be-cause nobody really wants to go through a trial but can be bad be-cause people become very intimi-dated by the prospect of losing or not getting as much as the settle-ment offer and being indebted to the defendant for a lot of money Thatrsquos a scary scary thing to go through
With regards to the media the US has a media that by and large has helped out a lot with sexual abuse cases The whole issue of clergy abuse really started with investiga-tive reporting by the Boston Globe right
MS Right
SJ They really took that issue and just ran with it Here in Canada we really havenrsquot had the same kind of investigative media cover-age as yoursquove had which is why events like the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal are not as huge as they are down in the States
Before Martin Kruze committed sui-cide the media was only somewhat interested in the Maple Leaf Gar-dens scandal Martin Kruze was a figure because he had sued the Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Com-plex But after he committed sui-cide the media was really galva-nized and that was probably a
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 45)
ldquoThe lack of media
attention means that we
arenrsquot fostering the
awareness within the
public that we need in
order to provide real
help and services for
survivors We need the
mediarsquos help to bring
this horrific crime to
light and to help stop it
from happeningrdquo
February 2009
Page 47
ments but it canrsquot at this stage really happen through the courts
I would want there to be an ability for institutions or perpetrators mdash de-fendants mdash to look beyond mere dollars and cents and look toward healing the person that they have hurt either directly or indirectly All too often in these cases we really become tied up in the legal minu-tiae of things as opposed to defen-dants saying ldquoOK letrsquos step back here and letrsquos try to helprdquo
I wish that there were a real under-standing that these cases are not car accident cases and they should
not be treated as car accident cases My clients are not people whorsquove broken a leg and therefore need X amount of dollars in order to pay for medical services or whatnot And unfortu-nately that doesnrsquot necessarily happen
In terms of the thera-peutic community I would love to see counseling and therapy ses-sions be paid for through the pub-lic purse so that people who re-quire the services of highly-skilled counselors and therapists and psy-chologists can access those services without having to pay for them A lot of clients just donrsquot have the economic means to pay for such services until after they get a set-tlement and that could take years It would be wonderful to see those kinds of services funded the same way as a trip to the emergency room or a trip to your family doc-tor for a cold is funded Irsquod love to
vivors The amount of damage that can be done as a result of child-hood abuse or in fact any kind of sexual assault is tremendous It affects almost every aspect of someonersquos life It becomes inter-generational because it affects the people around the survivor and compensation awards are still very much a pale reflection of what is needed in order to help these peo-ple I hope that at some point our judges and our legislature under-stand that need and can corre-spondingly give appropriate and reasonable damage awards so that people can start to rebuild their lives in a meaningful way
I would love there to be an opportunity within our civil system for more than just compensation At this stage the only thing that a civil judge can do is award monetary compensation There are a lot of creative things that you can do within a settlement that are not purely fi-nancial that can give a lot of sol-ace to someone who has been abused whether that be in the form of some non-financial healing whether it be in the form of a situation where somebody can con-front their abuser if thatrsquos what they wish to do in a safe setting or whether itrsquos the ability for that sur-vivor to do something outside of pure simple dollars and put for-ward some sort of healing plan that is as individual as they are That can happen through settle-
be able to see that I think that that would go a long way to helping people earlier rather than later
Ultimately I wish that this situation didnrsquot exist anymore and I would be put out of business frankly
MS Well I can certainly sympa-thize with the way you feel but it would seem that you have a career ahead of you dealing with this problem
SJ Unfortunately I think you are right I think that instances of child-hood sexual abuse are not neces-sarily going down I think that insti-tutions are getting a little bit better at putting in place policies and sometimes even following their own policies to stop pedophiles from entering those institutions and preying on people that those insti-tutions are theoretically set up to serve but I think that as long as the problem of childhood sexual abuse is with us I will be out there trying to help anybody that I can
MS Is there anything else yoursquod like to say to our readers
SJ I think that organizations such as MaleSurvivor are imperative in helping people understand that they are not alone that itrsquos not their fault and there are ways to get help So hats off to an organi-zation such as yours The clients I have who are involved in your or-ganization are very very well served so I have to thank you for being a resource
MS Thank you very much for your kind comments and for your time Simona
ldquoUltimately I wish that
this situation didnrsquot exist
anymore and I would be
put out of business
franklyrdquo
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-
February 2009
Page 41
tion of it earlier in the lsquo90s but 1997 is when there was a critical mass of mostly male survivors coming forward and taking action against Maple Leaf Gardens Your question specifically was ldquoDid it play a role in my choice of ca-reersrdquo
MS Yes
SJ Yes and no The Maple Leaf
Gardens cases were not my first sexual assault cases but my in-volvement in these cases solidified my interest and desire to help sur-vivors
MS Could you take a few minutes to explain to our readers just what the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal was and why it has played a central role in revealing the extent of sex-ual abuse at least in the Toronto area
of my clients will say something like ldquoYou know this is not about the money I donrsquot care how much I get this is about something elserdquo And whatever that person seeks mdash an apology or the empowerment of filing a lawsuit or a million other unique things mdash that is why I do this kind of work Itrsquos about helping people through whatever process they need in order to begin that healing process the moving forward process
MS And also to provide your clients with a sense of justice
SJ Absolutely Justice is really not about the money itrsquos about the knowledge that theyrsquove come forward theyrsquove done something and theyrsquove empowered themselves It takes a tre-mendous amount of courage to do that I am always in awe of my cli-ents for the amount of courage they have They are my inspiration
MS Many Americans are unaware of the so-called Maple Leaf Gar-dens sex scandal that began some-time in the 1960s but didnrsquot come to wide public attention until 1997 the year after you began practicing law Did this scandal have some affect on your choice of career
SJ Actually the scandal did come to prominence before 1997 There was scattered media atten-
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 1)
SJ Sure There was a series of men who were employed at Maple Leaf Gardens which was the home of the Toronto Maple Leafs mdash the hockey club mdash who over a period of a couple of decades sexually abused probably hundreds of chil-dren It started in the lsquo60s it went on we believe until the early lsquo80s There were two principal men in-volved but there were at least three
others who also were ac-cused In order to under-stand why the Maple Leaf Gardens sex scandals are as important as they are you have to understand that hockey in Toronto and hockey in Canada is almost a religion Hockey is to Canadians what the NFL or Major League Baseball is to Americans Every little boy dreams of about becoming the next Wayne Gretzky becoming the best hockey player he can be Maple Leaf Gar-dens was the home of one of the best loved and biggest hockey teams mdash the Toronto Maple Leafs The Gardens was the high
temple of hockey in Canada and still is In the lsquo60s lsquo70s and even the lsquo80s children mdash mostly boys mdash would go to Maple Leaf Gardens usually unaccompanied by their parents because back then nobody really thought that anything bad would happen to them at the Gar-dens The boys would go there ei-ther for practice games or to watch the Maple Leafs play or more likely they would go to watch To-
(Continued on page 42)
ldquoMaple Leaf Gardens in Memory of Martin Kruzerdquo From the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
Vol 2 No 2
Page 42
ronto Marlies games The Marlies were the farm team for the Toronto Maple Leafs During these games and these practices the pedophiles who worked at the Gardenrsquos would often befriend these boys seeking out boys who were more vulner-able than others most likely and would sexually assault the boys sometimes off-property but most often within the Gardens itself They would use their position as employees of the Gardens to be able to say to the boys if you come with me Irsquoll get you a broken hockey stick or hockey puck or Irsquoll get you into better seats the next game or whatever other type of inducement would be necessary to get the boys to go with them into either a washroom or a training room or other private place where the boys would be sexually abused
In 1997 there were about 50 or 60 cases all joined to-gether and Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Entertainment Ltd wanted to settle all the cases prior to the Toronto Maple Leafs moving into a new hockey rink called the Air Canada Center so as to have a clean slate at the new rink By and large a lot of the litigation was fin-ished before the team moved into the Air Canada Center but not all of it In fact there are probably 17 or 19 cases going through the court
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 41)
system today more than 10 years after the original large group of plaintiffs went through the court and I believe that new people will continue to come forward when they are strong enough
MS I understand that one of the principal plaintiffs in the case Mar-tin Kruze had settled with the owners or the operators of the Ma-ple Leaf Gardens in 1995 and that he signed a confidentiality agree-ment not to reveal the settlement
or perhaps even the details of what had happened to him Do you think that the confidentiality agree-ment Mr Kruze agreed to slowed down or hindered the full exposure of this scandal
SJ I think that any confidentiality agreement blocks public access to knowledge and to understanding so I do suspect that Martinrsquos confi-dentiality agreement did have some impact on the scandal re-
maining hidden for as long as it did Absolutely yes I believe that confidentiality agreements are in-herently difficult for plaintiffs be-cause they create and continue a cycle of secrecy Sexual assault is a crime that is almost always carried out in secret and the guilt and shame it produces is key in helping pedophiles maintain their hold over their victims Putting a confidential-ity agreement on a settlement just perpetuates the guilt and the shame
MS Unfortunately Martin Kruzersquos principal perpetrator received a shockingly light sen-tence for all his actions and I understand that this led to Martin com-mitting suicide shortly afterwards
SJ I would think that the perpetratorrsquos sentence was a part of why Martin chose to end his life yes It hap-pened relatively shortly after the sentencing and I suspect that it weighed heavily on Martinrsquos decision
MS Do you think that the sen-tence that the perpetrator received was a reflection of the then current attitude towards pedophiles and sexual abuse
SJ The sentence that the perpe-trator received was a reflection on the way that the Canadian justice system deals with criminals regard-ing personal crimes absolutely It was a very low sentence in keep-
Imants Kruze visiting his sonrsquos memorial quilt square in the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 43
obtain here versus how much they can obtain in the United States In the United States there is no cap for pain and suffering awards whereas here in Canada there is a very small cap mdash about $325000 If a survivor of sexual assault goes through the court system and even if they have a very good day in court in terms of compensation yoursquore probably looking at an award for dam-ages somewhere be-tween $200000 and $500000 Sometimes itrsquos actually less than $200000 and very very rarely more than $500000 so in that sense we are defi-nitely behind But I donrsquot think itrsquos a question of waiting 10 years to see if we ldquocatch uprdquo I think itrsquos just a fundamental difference in how our court system works and whatrsquos available to survivors in terms of compensation
If you mean that Canada is 10 years behind in dealing with other aspects of sexual assault then you are probably correct in terms of media attention public awareness and outrage Sexual assault is still largely an unreported unprose-cuted crime But things are getting better every day and as more and more survivors come forward posi-tive changes will continue to hap-pen
MS As Irsquom sure you know therersquos periodic discussion about tort re-
ing with what was handed out at the time and to a large extent itrsquos still in keeping with what is handed out right now
MS Are you still representing or have you represented anyone who is a plaintiff in this scandal
SJ I was very much involved in the core group of Maple Leaf Gar-dens survivors that came forward in 1997 I was on what was called the plaintiffsrsquo committee back then which was a group of a few lawyers who brought the litigation forward I represented a number of plaintiffs in the original group that came forward I have also represented quite a few men throughout the last 10 years and currently repre-sent two men in the last group of plaintiffs to come forward I have also been approached by at least two other men who may decide to pursue litigation
MS Dale English mdash who has spo-ken to you at some length mdash has said to me that either you or he or both of you have felt that Canada is perhaps 10 or more years behind the US in dealing with the issues of sexual abuse and sexual assault Could you elaborate on that com-ment
SJ I think it depends on what you mean by dealing with the is-sues If you mean dealing with the issues in terms of bringing civil cases forward to a certain extent we are behind One of the funda-mental differences between the United States and Canada is the way that our tort systems operate and specifically the amount of compensation that tort victims can
form in the United States mainly aimed at capping punitive dam-ages Irsquom wondering whether there is the mirror of that in Canada mdash whether therersquos any movement to-wards tort reform that would allow greater awards to victims
SJ Well there is and there isnrsquot In Canada itrsquos very difficult if not
impossible to get pu-nitive damages espe-cially if therersquos a criminal conviction The punitive damages that are available in Canada are very low A typical punitive damage award would be $20000 or $25000 - usually not much more than that So damages are quite restricted here in any event In terms of tort reform I think there is a global push by in-surance companies to
try to limit compensation whether in the States or here The things that the American Association of Justice are fighting for down in the States are the same things that the Ontario Trial Lawyers Association are fighting for here mdash the continued ability to sue for compensation un-hampered by legislative roadblocks benefitting powerful institutional defendants to the detriment of those who have suffered Ours is a much smaller playing field and therefore less money is at stake In terms of plaintiffsrsquo lawyers wersquore trying to maximize the compensa-tion that we can get for our client Every time we go to court we try
(Continued on page 44)
ldquoIf you mean that
Canada is 10 years
behind in dealing with
other aspects of sexual
assault then you are
probably correct in
terms of media
attention public
awareness and outrageldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 44
to get a higher damage award so that that case will be a building block for future cases There are always attempts to try to circum-vent the cap on pain and suffering damages that we have Itrsquos not an easy thing to do the cap has been in place in Canada for 32 years now It was put in place in 1977 by the Supreme Court of Canada and itrsquos unlikely to be overturned any-time soon Even though from a purely theoretical legal analysis that cap does not apply to pain and suffering damages for victims of sexual assault and sexual abuse the reality is that judges still use that cap as a high water mark even though it doesnrsquot formally apply mdash it is still a de facto cap and to be honest with you it is almost impos-sible to get anywhere near that cap for compensation for pain and suf-fering A typical pain and suffering award in Canada for childhood sex-ual abuse is somewhere between $100000 and $200000 Anything on top of that would be associated economic loss or care costs
MS Itrsquos quite unfortunate that even though therersquos no real cap the law behaves as if there were one
SJ Yep I couldnrsquot agree with you more Itrsquos very unfortunate
MS I understand that in 2005 the government of Ontario convened whatrsquos known as the Cornwall Pub-lic Inquiry Was the Inquiry con-vened to address the issues of sex-ual abuse and sexual assault and
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 43)
the way the justice system is han-dling it
SJ Thatrsquos probably one of the reasons the Inquiry was convened Thatrsquos one of the hopes The In-quiry was convened because of what was going on in a little city east of Toronto mdash a series of allega-tions against very prominent mem-bers of that community involving the sexual abuse of children over a period of many many years The idea behind the Inquiry is to try to figure out what happened and to put in place some recommenda-tions that will not only stop some-thing like the abuse in Cornwall from happening again but will also try to help those who were affected by the events in the first place And to some extent I think some good will come of the Inquiry Hopefully the recommendations will be good for survivors of childhood sexual abuse or any kind of sexual assault The Submission phase of the In-quiry officially ended late February 2009
MS Did you have the opportunity to testify before the Inquiry
SJ I did not personally testify before the Inquiry Testimony was generally limited to the people ac-tually involved mdash police officers vic-tims what not I was involved in the Inquiry with regards to a panel discussionroundtable that they had regarding the use of confiden-tiality agreements
MS As you probably know Male-Survivor was first founded in the early 1980s by a group of thera-pists who were concerned about support for victims of childhood
sexual abuse and although Male-Survivor is still not a very large or-ganization it has increased its in-fluence significantly over the years and Irsquom wondering whether there is a similar non-profit or other group in Canada that also is dedi-cated to helping victims of child-hood sexual abuse
SJ There are some grass roots organizations that deal with victims of childhood sexual abuse or adult sexual assault I donrsquot believe there is as cohesive a unit as MaleSurvi-vor I may be wrong on that but there are smaller more community based organizations that assist sur-vivors That being said resources available to survivors are unfortu-nately pretty limited
MS Is that because there are too few therapists in that form of prac-tice
SJ I think itrsquos a mixture of many different things First of all Canada has a much smaller population base mdash 30 million people as com-pared to 300 million in the United States mdash so you have significantly fewer people affected and there-fore you have significantly fewer resources available to those people The services that we do have will often have very long waiting lists before people can access them There are some very very good counselors in Canada assisting sur-vivors but unfortunately the waiting lists are sometimes long and the availability for public funding to provide services free of charge is somewhat limited
MS Is there anything in your opinion about the Canadian health
February 2009
Page 45
system that contributes to the scar-city of services
SJ I donrsquot know if itrsquos the Cana-dian health system I think that in Canada we have a pretty good public health system in the sense that anybody who needs medical services can access those services free of charge The problem is that a lot of these services are not covered under our health system per se Many are covered under either private plans or pay as you go type services and itrsquos just a question of finding the people who can provide these services and being lucky enough to get them when they either donrsquot have a waiting list or other-wise having to wait until your name comes up on that waiting list
MS And that could takes years in some cases it seems
SJ My understanding is that those waiting lists can be quite long but there are very good peo-ple out there Itrsquos just a question of finding them and being able to afford them
MS Can you elaborate on other differences between the US and Canada that affect the way survi-vors and perpetrators are treated by the legal system and the media
SJ The differences between Can-ada and the US are really huge On the surface Americans and Canadi-ans look pretty much the same dress the same talk the same eat the same foods and by and large watch the same TV but culturally there is a huge difference in the way we look at the world in the
way our legal system works and the way that people interact with one another
Americans are much more litigious by na-ture I think this is due to the fact that in the United States mdash at least as seen from the outside mdash the rights of the individual are paramount In Can-ada less so Canada is much more commu-nity-oriented We of-tentimes think about how something is going to affect others instead of looking at what an individual might be entitled to I think that the high
damage awards available through the American legal system are beneficial in sexual abuse cases as is the lack of a cap on awards which we have
In some ways though our legal system is much better for my cli-ents than the US system would be because of the way that our actual process works One of the things that I know is very damaging to a lot of plaintiffs in the United States is the whole discovery process tak-
ing depositions Depositions can go on for a huge number of days and pretty much everybody in the per-sonrsquos life can be called to give a deposition That is very troubling and painful for people who donrsquot necessarily want others to know about their abuse or donrsquot want to involve their family Here in Canada depositions mdash or what we call the examination for discovery mdash are lim-ited to the actual named parties in the lawsuit The defendant and the plaintiff are examined for discovery or deposed if you will Anyone who is not an actual party to the litiga-tion can only be discovered under court orders and itrsquos very difficult to get those court orders so in that sense itrsquos a much quicker cleaner process and less intrusive on some-onersquos life So that is probably a good thing
The other really huge difference between the two systems which I think does in fact impact on why a lot of these cases settle as opposed to going to court and oftentimes settle for very different amounts of money than they would if they went to court is that in Canada we have a ldquoloser paysrdquo system If you go to court and you lose you have to pay at least a portion of the fees incurred by the other side Letrsquos say the defendantrsquos settlement offer is $100000 If the plaintiff does not accept that $100000 and at trial the plaintiff gets $99000 then the plaintiff has to pay the lawyerrsquos fees of the defendant because the award is less than the settlement offer That is very difficult That means that a lot of cases are set-tled for probably less money than
(Continued on page 46)
ldquoOn the surface
Americans and
Canadians look pretty
much the same hellip but
culturally there is a
huge difference in the
way we look at the
world in the way our
legal system works and
the way that people
interact with one
anotherldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 46
MS I join you in that hope Any-thing that can advance the cause of not only helping people but also helping prevent further abuses is always going to be welcome If you could set forth a vision of how you would like to see the law and the therapeutic community in Canada evolve to handle matters of child-
hood sexual abuse and sexual assault mdash if you could influence the reform of institu-tions what would your vision be
SJ Oh Richard Wow Well first and foremost I would love to raise public aware-ness of this issue for various reasons I think that increased public awareness will not necessarily reduce the instances of abuse but will help improve how abuse is dealt with when itrsquos ongoing and after-wards Itrsquos very im-portant that when a child is hurt that
child knows that he can go to peo-ple for help and support All too often if kids get up enough cour-age to tell someone the reaction they get is not very positive I think that with increased public aware-ness hopefully people will under-stand that there are ways to deal with this that will decrease the amount of harm so public aware-ness is paramount
I would like the legal system to raise compensation awards for sur-
turning point in bringing to the publicrsquos attention that the sexual assault of children can happen does happen and itrsquos a very diffi-cult thing for anyone to go through whether theyrsquore little boys or grown men that were abused as children It brought childhood sex-ual abuse out of the shadows to a certain extent The scandal still garners media attention as new survivors come forward but not the same as it did 10 years ago
MS Would you say that the lack of inves-tigative reporting is a cultural phenomenon or is it that the news-papers donrsquot feel they have that role
SJ Oh no Canadian newspapers do feel that they have a role in investigating things but for whatever rea-son sexual abuse of children has not been a priority The Cana-dian media really has not been at the forefront of this issue the way the media in the United States has been and I think that is tremen-dously disappointing The lack of media attention means that we arenrsquot fostering the awareness within the public that we need in order to provide real help and ser-vices for survivors We need the mediarsquos help to bring this horrific crime to light and to help stop it from happening
they would get if they went to court because that risk of going to court and not getting at least the amount of the original offer weighs heavily on everyone Our system is designed and geared toward avoid-ing trials which can be good be-cause nobody really wants to go through a trial but can be bad be-cause people become very intimi-dated by the prospect of losing or not getting as much as the settle-ment offer and being indebted to the defendant for a lot of money Thatrsquos a scary scary thing to go through
With regards to the media the US has a media that by and large has helped out a lot with sexual abuse cases The whole issue of clergy abuse really started with investiga-tive reporting by the Boston Globe right
MS Right
SJ They really took that issue and just ran with it Here in Canada we really havenrsquot had the same kind of investigative media cover-age as yoursquove had which is why events like the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal are not as huge as they are down in the States
Before Martin Kruze committed sui-cide the media was only somewhat interested in the Maple Leaf Gar-dens scandal Martin Kruze was a figure because he had sued the Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Com-plex But after he committed sui-cide the media was really galva-nized and that was probably a
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 45)
ldquoThe lack of media
attention means that we
arenrsquot fostering the
awareness within the
public that we need in
order to provide real
help and services for
survivors We need the
mediarsquos help to bring
this horrific crime to
light and to help stop it
from happeningrdquo
February 2009
Page 47
ments but it canrsquot at this stage really happen through the courts
I would want there to be an ability for institutions or perpetrators mdash de-fendants mdash to look beyond mere dollars and cents and look toward healing the person that they have hurt either directly or indirectly All too often in these cases we really become tied up in the legal minu-tiae of things as opposed to defen-dants saying ldquoOK letrsquos step back here and letrsquos try to helprdquo
I wish that there were a real under-standing that these cases are not car accident cases and they should
not be treated as car accident cases My clients are not people whorsquove broken a leg and therefore need X amount of dollars in order to pay for medical services or whatnot And unfortu-nately that doesnrsquot necessarily happen
In terms of the thera-peutic community I would love to see counseling and therapy ses-sions be paid for through the pub-lic purse so that people who re-quire the services of highly-skilled counselors and therapists and psy-chologists can access those services without having to pay for them A lot of clients just donrsquot have the economic means to pay for such services until after they get a set-tlement and that could take years It would be wonderful to see those kinds of services funded the same way as a trip to the emergency room or a trip to your family doc-tor for a cold is funded Irsquod love to
vivors The amount of damage that can be done as a result of child-hood abuse or in fact any kind of sexual assault is tremendous It affects almost every aspect of someonersquos life It becomes inter-generational because it affects the people around the survivor and compensation awards are still very much a pale reflection of what is needed in order to help these peo-ple I hope that at some point our judges and our legislature under-stand that need and can corre-spondingly give appropriate and reasonable damage awards so that people can start to rebuild their lives in a meaningful way
I would love there to be an opportunity within our civil system for more than just compensation At this stage the only thing that a civil judge can do is award monetary compensation There are a lot of creative things that you can do within a settlement that are not purely fi-nancial that can give a lot of sol-ace to someone who has been abused whether that be in the form of some non-financial healing whether it be in the form of a situation where somebody can con-front their abuser if thatrsquos what they wish to do in a safe setting or whether itrsquos the ability for that sur-vivor to do something outside of pure simple dollars and put for-ward some sort of healing plan that is as individual as they are That can happen through settle-
be able to see that I think that that would go a long way to helping people earlier rather than later
Ultimately I wish that this situation didnrsquot exist anymore and I would be put out of business frankly
MS Well I can certainly sympa-thize with the way you feel but it would seem that you have a career ahead of you dealing with this problem
SJ Unfortunately I think you are right I think that instances of child-hood sexual abuse are not neces-sarily going down I think that insti-tutions are getting a little bit better at putting in place policies and sometimes even following their own policies to stop pedophiles from entering those institutions and preying on people that those insti-tutions are theoretically set up to serve but I think that as long as the problem of childhood sexual abuse is with us I will be out there trying to help anybody that I can
MS Is there anything else yoursquod like to say to our readers
SJ I think that organizations such as MaleSurvivor are imperative in helping people understand that they are not alone that itrsquos not their fault and there are ways to get help So hats off to an organi-zation such as yours The clients I have who are involved in your or-ganization are very very well served so I have to thank you for being a resource
MS Thank you very much for your kind comments and for your time Simona
ldquoUltimately I wish that
this situation didnrsquot exist
anymore and I would be
put out of business
franklyrdquo
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-
Vol 2 No 2
Page 42
ronto Marlies games The Marlies were the farm team for the Toronto Maple Leafs During these games and these practices the pedophiles who worked at the Gardenrsquos would often befriend these boys seeking out boys who were more vulner-able than others most likely and would sexually assault the boys sometimes off-property but most often within the Gardens itself They would use their position as employees of the Gardens to be able to say to the boys if you come with me Irsquoll get you a broken hockey stick or hockey puck or Irsquoll get you into better seats the next game or whatever other type of inducement would be necessary to get the boys to go with them into either a washroom or a training room or other private place where the boys would be sexually abused
In 1997 there were about 50 or 60 cases all joined to-gether and Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Entertainment Ltd wanted to settle all the cases prior to the Toronto Maple Leafs moving into a new hockey rink called the Air Canada Center so as to have a clean slate at the new rink By and large a lot of the litigation was fin-ished before the team moved into the Air Canada Center but not all of it In fact there are probably 17 or 19 cases going through the court
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 41)
system today more than 10 years after the original large group of plaintiffs went through the court and I believe that new people will continue to come forward when they are strong enough
MS I understand that one of the principal plaintiffs in the case Mar-tin Kruze had settled with the owners or the operators of the Ma-ple Leaf Gardens in 1995 and that he signed a confidentiality agree-ment not to reveal the settlement
or perhaps even the details of what had happened to him Do you think that the confidentiality agree-ment Mr Kruze agreed to slowed down or hindered the full exposure of this scandal
SJ I think that any confidentiality agreement blocks public access to knowledge and to understanding so I do suspect that Martinrsquos confi-dentiality agreement did have some impact on the scandal re-
maining hidden for as long as it did Absolutely yes I believe that confidentiality agreements are in-herently difficult for plaintiffs be-cause they create and continue a cycle of secrecy Sexual assault is a crime that is almost always carried out in secret and the guilt and shame it produces is key in helping pedophiles maintain their hold over their victims Putting a confidential-ity agreement on a settlement just perpetuates the guilt and the shame
MS Unfortunately Martin Kruzersquos principal perpetrator received a shockingly light sen-tence for all his actions and I understand that this led to Martin com-mitting suicide shortly afterwards
SJ I would think that the perpetratorrsquos sentence was a part of why Martin chose to end his life yes It hap-pened relatively shortly after the sentencing and I suspect that it weighed heavily on Martinrsquos decision
MS Do you think that the sen-tence that the perpetrator received was a reflection of the then current attitude towards pedophiles and sexual abuse
SJ The sentence that the perpe-trator received was a reflection on the way that the Canadian justice system deals with criminals regard-ing personal crimes absolutely It was a very low sentence in keep-
Imants Kruze visiting his sonrsquos memorial quilt square in the Child Abuse Survivor Monument in Toronto
February 2009
Page 43
obtain here versus how much they can obtain in the United States In the United States there is no cap for pain and suffering awards whereas here in Canada there is a very small cap mdash about $325000 If a survivor of sexual assault goes through the court system and even if they have a very good day in court in terms of compensation yoursquore probably looking at an award for dam-ages somewhere be-tween $200000 and $500000 Sometimes itrsquos actually less than $200000 and very very rarely more than $500000 so in that sense we are defi-nitely behind But I donrsquot think itrsquos a question of waiting 10 years to see if we ldquocatch uprdquo I think itrsquos just a fundamental difference in how our court system works and whatrsquos available to survivors in terms of compensation
If you mean that Canada is 10 years behind in dealing with other aspects of sexual assault then you are probably correct in terms of media attention public awareness and outrage Sexual assault is still largely an unreported unprose-cuted crime But things are getting better every day and as more and more survivors come forward posi-tive changes will continue to hap-pen
MS As Irsquom sure you know therersquos periodic discussion about tort re-
ing with what was handed out at the time and to a large extent itrsquos still in keeping with what is handed out right now
MS Are you still representing or have you represented anyone who is a plaintiff in this scandal
SJ I was very much involved in the core group of Maple Leaf Gar-dens survivors that came forward in 1997 I was on what was called the plaintiffsrsquo committee back then which was a group of a few lawyers who brought the litigation forward I represented a number of plaintiffs in the original group that came forward I have also represented quite a few men throughout the last 10 years and currently repre-sent two men in the last group of plaintiffs to come forward I have also been approached by at least two other men who may decide to pursue litigation
MS Dale English mdash who has spo-ken to you at some length mdash has said to me that either you or he or both of you have felt that Canada is perhaps 10 or more years behind the US in dealing with the issues of sexual abuse and sexual assault Could you elaborate on that com-ment
SJ I think it depends on what you mean by dealing with the is-sues If you mean dealing with the issues in terms of bringing civil cases forward to a certain extent we are behind One of the funda-mental differences between the United States and Canada is the way that our tort systems operate and specifically the amount of compensation that tort victims can
form in the United States mainly aimed at capping punitive dam-ages Irsquom wondering whether there is the mirror of that in Canada mdash whether therersquos any movement to-wards tort reform that would allow greater awards to victims
SJ Well there is and there isnrsquot In Canada itrsquos very difficult if not
impossible to get pu-nitive damages espe-cially if therersquos a criminal conviction The punitive damages that are available in Canada are very low A typical punitive damage award would be $20000 or $25000 - usually not much more than that So damages are quite restricted here in any event In terms of tort reform I think there is a global push by in-surance companies to
try to limit compensation whether in the States or here The things that the American Association of Justice are fighting for down in the States are the same things that the Ontario Trial Lawyers Association are fighting for here mdash the continued ability to sue for compensation un-hampered by legislative roadblocks benefitting powerful institutional defendants to the detriment of those who have suffered Ours is a much smaller playing field and therefore less money is at stake In terms of plaintiffsrsquo lawyers wersquore trying to maximize the compensa-tion that we can get for our client Every time we go to court we try
(Continued on page 44)
ldquoIf you mean that
Canada is 10 years
behind in dealing with
other aspects of sexual
assault then you are
probably correct in
terms of media
attention public
awareness and outrageldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 44
to get a higher damage award so that that case will be a building block for future cases There are always attempts to try to circum-vent the cap on pain and suffering damages that we have Itrsquos not an easy thing to do the cap has been in place in Canada for 32 years now It was put in place in 1977 by the Supreme Court of Canada and itrsquos unlikely to be overturned any-time soon Even though from a purely theoretical legal analysis that cap does not apply to pain and suffering damages for victims of sexual assault and sexual abuse the reality is that judges still use that cap as a high water mark even though it doesnrsquot formally apply mdash it is still a de facto cap and to be honest with you it is almost impos-sible to get anywhere near that cap for compensation for pain and suf-fering A typical pain and suffering award in Canada for childhood sex-ual abuse is somewhere between $100000 and $200000 Anything on top of that would be associated economic loss or care costs
MS Itrsquos quite unfortunate that even though therersquos no real cap the law behaves as if there were one
SJ Yep I couldnrsquot agree with you more Itrsquos very unfortunate
MS I understand that in 2005 the government of Ontario convened whatrsquos known as the Cornwall Pub-lic Inquiry Was the Inquiry con-vened to address the issues of sex-ual abuse and sexual assault and
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 43)
the way the justice system is han-dling it
SJ Thatrsquos probably one of the reasons the Inquiry was convened Thatrsquos one of the hopes The In-quiry was convened because of what was going on in a little city east of Toronto mdash a series of allega-tions against very prominent mem-bers of that community involving the sexual abuse of children over a period of many many years The idea behind the Inquiry is to try to figure out what happened and to put in place some recommenda-tions that will not only stop some-thing like the abuse in Cornwall from happening again but will also try to help those who were affected by the events in the first place And to some extent I think some good will come of the Inquiry Hopefully the recommendations will be good for survivors of childhood sexual abuse or any kind of sexual assault The Submission phase of the In-quiry officially ended late February 2009
MS Did you have the opportunity to testify before the Inquiry
SJ I did not personally testify before the Inquiry Testimony was generally limited to the people ac-tually involved mdash police officers vic-tims what not I was involved in the Inquiry with regards to a panel discussionroundtable that they had regarding the use of confiden-tiality agreements
MS As you probably know Male-Survivor was first founded in the early 1980s by a group of thera-pists who were concerned about support for victims of childhood
sexual abuse and although Male-Survivor is still not a very large or-ganization it has increased its in-fluence significantly over the years and Irsquom wondering whether there is a similar non-profit or other group in Canada that also is dedi-cated to helping victims of child-hood sexual abuse
SJ There are some grass roots organizations that deal with victims of childhood sexual abuse or adult sexual assault I donrsquot believe there is as cohesive a unit as MaleSurvi-vor I may be wrong on that but there are smaller more community based organizations that assist sur-vivors That being said resources available to survivors are unfortu-nately pretty limited
MS Is that because there are too few therapists in that form of prac-tice
SJ I think itrsquos a mixture of many different things First of all Canada has a much smaller population base mdash 30 million people as com-pared to 300 million in the United States mdash so you have significantly fewer people affected and there-fore you have significantly fewer resources available to those people The services that we do have will often have very long waiting lists before people can access them There are some very very good counselors in Canada assisting sur-vivors but unfortunately the waiting lists are sometimes long and the availability for public funding to provide services free of charge is somewhat limited
MS Is there anything in your opinion about the Canadian health
February 2009
Page 45
system that contributes to the scar-city of services
SJ I donrsquot know if itrsquos the Cana-dian health system I think that in Canada we have a pretty good public health system in the sense that anybody who needs medical services can access those services free of charge The problem is that a lot of these services are not covered under our health system per se Many are covered under either private plans or pay as you go type services and itrsquos just a question of finding the people who can provide these services and being lucky enough to get them when they either donrsquot have a waiting list or other-wise having to wait until your name comes up on that waiting list
MS And that could takes years in some cases it seems
SJ My understanding is that those waiting lists can be quite long but there are very good peo-ple out there Itrsquos just a question of finding them and being able to afford them
MS Can you elaborate on other differences between the US and Canada that affect the way survi-vors and perpetrators are treated by the legal system and the media
SJ The differences between Can-ada and the US are really huge On the surface Americans and Canadi-ans look pretty much the same dress the same talk the same eat the same foods and by and large watch the same TV but culturally there is a huge difference in the way we look at the world in the
way our legal system works and the way that people interact with one another
Americans are much more litigious by na-ture I think this is due to the fact that in the United States mdash at least as seen from the outside mdash the rights of the individual are paramount In Can-ada less so Canada is much more commu-nity-oriented We of-tentimes think about how something is going to affect others instead of looking at what an individual might be entitled to I think that the high
damage awards available through the American legal system are beneficial in sexual abuse cases as is the lack of a cap on awards which we have
In some ways though our legal system is much better for my cli-ents than the US system would be because of the way that our actual process works One of the things that I know is very damaging to a lot of plaintiffs in the United States is the whole discovery process tak-
ing depositions Depositions can go on for a huge number of days and pretty much everybody in the per-sonrsquos life can be called to give a deposition That is very troubling and painful for people who donrsquot necessarily want others to know about their abuse or donrsquot want to involve their family Here in Canada depositions mdash or what we call the examination for discovery mdash are lim-ited to the actual named parties in the lawsuit The defendant and the plaintiff are examined for discovery or deposed if you will Anyone who is not an actual party to the litiga-tion can only be discovered under court orders and itrsquos very difficult to get those court orders so in that sense itrsquos a much quicker cleaner process and less intrusive on some-onersquos life So that is probably a good thing
The other really huge difference between the two systems which I think does in fact impact on why a lot of these cases settle as opposed to going to court and oftentimes settle for very different amounts of money than they would if they went to court is that in Canada we have a ldquoloser paysrdquo system If you go to court and you lose you have to pay at least a portion of the fees incurred by the other side Letrsquos say the defendantrsquos settlement offer is $100000 If the plaintiff does not accept that $100000 and at trial the plaintiff gets $99000 then the plaintiff has to pay the lawyerrsquos fees of the defendant because the award is less than the settlement offer That is very difficult That means that a lot of cases are set-tled for probably less money than
(Continued on page 46)
ldquoOn the surface
Americans and
Canadians look pretty
much the same hellip but
culturally there is a
huge difference in the
way we look at the
world in the way our
legal system works and
the way that people
interact with one
anotherldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 46
MS I join you in that hope Any-thing that can advance the cause of not only helping people but also helping prevent further abuses is always going to be welcome If you could set forth a vision of how you would like to see the law and the therapeutic community in Canada evolve to handle matters of child-
hood sexual abuse and sexual assault mdash if you could influence the reform of institu-tions what would your vision be
SJ Oh Richard Wow Well first and foremost I would love to raise public aware-ness of this issue for various reasons I think that increased public awareness will not necessarily reduce the instances of abuse but will help improve how abuse is dealt with when itrsquos ongoing and after-wards Itrsquos very im-portant that when a child is hurt that
child knows that he can go to peo-ple for help and support All too often if kids get up enough cour-age to tell someone the reaction they get is not very positive I think that with increased public aware-ness hopefully people will under-stand that there are ways to deal with this that will decrease the amount of harm so public aware-ness is paramount
I would like the legal system to raise compensation awards for sur-
turning point in bringing to the publicrsquos attention that the sexual assault of children can happen does happen and itrsquos a very diffi-cult thing for anyone to go through whether theyrsquore little boys or grown men that were abused as children It brought childhood sex-ual abuse out of the shadows to a certain extent The scandal still garners media attention as new survivors come forward but not the same as it did 10 years ago
MS Would you say that the lack of inves-tigative reporting is a cultural phenomenon or is it that the news-papers donrsquot feel they have that role
SJ Oh no Canadian newspapers do feel that they have a role in investigating things but for whatever rea-son sexual abuse of children has not been a priority The Cana-dian media really has not been at the forefront of this issue the way the media in the United States has been and I think that is tremen-dously disappointing The lack of media attention means that we arenrsquot fostering the awareness within the public that we need in order to provide real help and ser-vices for survivors We need the mediarsquos help to bring this horrific crime to light and to help stop it from happening
they would get if they went to court because that risk of going to court and not getting at least the amount of the original offer weighs heavily on everyone Our system is designed and geared toward avoid-ing trials which can be good be-cause nobody really wants to go through a trial but can be bad be-cause people become very intimi-dated by the prospect of losing or not getting as much as the settle-ment offer and being indebted to the defendant for a lot of money Thatrsquos a scary scary thing to go through
With regards to the media the US has a media that by and large has helped out a lot with sexual abuse cases The whole issue of clergy abuse really started with investiga-tive reporting by the Boston Globe right
MS Right
SJ They really took that issue and just ran with it Here in Canada we really havenrsquot had the same kind of investigative media cover-age as yoursquove had which is why events like the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal are not as huge as they are down in the States
Before Martin Kruze committed sui-cide the media was only somewhat interested in the Maple Leaf Gar-dens scandal Martin Kruze was a figure because he had sued the Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Com-plex But after he committed sui-cide the media was really galva-nized and that was probably a
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 45)
ldquoThe lack of media
attention means that we
arenrsquot fostering the
awareness within the
public that we need in
order to provide real
help and services for
survivors We need the
mediarsquos help to bring
this horrific crime to
light and to help stop it
from happeningrdquo
February 2009
Page 47
ments but it canrsquot at this stage really happen through the courts
I would want there to be an ability for institutions or perpetrators mdash de-fendants mdash to look beyond mere dollars and cents and look toward healing the person that they have hurt either directly or indirectly All too often in these cases we really become tied up in the legal minu-tiae of things as opposed to defen-dants saying ldquoOK letrsquos step back here and letrsquos try to helprdquo
I wish that there were a real under-standing that these cases are not car accident cases and they should
not be treated as car accident cases My clients are not people whorsquove broken a leg and therefore need X amount of dollars in order to pay for medical services or whatnot And unfortu-nately that doesnrsquot necessarily happen
In terms of the thera-peutic community I would love to see counseling and therapy ses-sions be paid for through the pub-lic purse so that people who re-quire the services of highly-skilled counselors and therapists and psy-chologists can access those services without having to pay for them A lot of clients just donrsquot have the economic means to pay for such services until after they get a set-tlement and that could take years It would be wonderful to see those kinds of services funded the same way as a trip to the emergency room or a trip to your family doc-tor for a cold is funded Irsquod love to
vivors The amount of damage that can be done as a result of child-hood abuse or in fact any kind of sexual assault is tremendous It affects almost every aspect of someonersquos life It becomes inter-generational because it affects the people around the survivor and compensation awards are still very much a pale reflection of what is needed in order to help these peo-ple I hope that at some point our judges and our legislature under-stand that need and can corre-spondingly give appropriate and reasonable damage awards so that people can start to rebuild their lives in a meaningful way
I would love there to be an opportunity within our civil system for more than just compensation At this stage the only thing that a civil judge can do is award monetary compensation There are a lot of creative things that you can do within a settlement that are not purely fi-nancial that can give a lot of sol-ace to someone who has been abused whether that be in the form of some non-financial healing whether it be in the form of a situation where somebody can con-front their abuser if thatrsquos what they wish to do in a safe setting or whether itrsquos the ability for that sur-vivor to do something outside of pure simple dollars and put for-ward some sort of healing plan that is as individual as they are That can happen through settle-
be able to see that I think that that would go a long way to helping people earlier rather than later
Ultimately I wish that this situation didnrsquot exist anymore and I would be put out of business frankly
MS Well I can certainly sympa-thize with the way you feel but it would seem that you have a career ahead of you dealing with this problem
SJ Unfortunately I think you are right I think that instances of child-hood sexual abuse are not neces-sarily going down I think that insti-tutions are getting a little bit better at putting in place policies and sometimes even following their own policies to stop pedophiles from entering those institutions and preying on people that those insti-tutions are theoretically set up to serve but I think that as long as the problem of childhood sexual abuse is with us I will be out there trying to help anybody that I can
MS Is there anything else yoursquod like to say to our readers
SJ I think that organizations such as MaleSurvivor are imperative in helping people understand that they are not alone that itrsquos not their fault and there are ways to get help So hats off to an organi-zation such as yours The clients I have who are involved in your or-ganization are very very well served so I have to thank you for being a resource
MS Thank you very much for your kind comments and for your time Simona
ldquoUltimately I wish that
this situation didnrsquot exist
anymore and I would be
put out of business
franklyrdquo
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-
February 2009
Page 43
obtain here versus how much they can obtain in the United States In the United States there is no cap for pain and suffering awards whereas here in Canada there is a very small cap mdash about $325000 If a survivor of sexual assault goes through the court system and even if they have a very good day in court in terms of compensation yoursquore probably looking at an award for dam-ages somewhere be-tween $200000 and $500000 Sometimes itrsquos actually less than $200000 and very very rarely more than $500000 so in that sense we are defi-nitely behind But I donrsquot think itrsquos a question of waiting 10 years to see if we ldquocatch uprdquo I think itrsquos just a fundamental difference in how our court system works and whatrsquos available to survivors in terms of compensation
If you mean that Canada is 10 years behind in dealing with other aspects of sexual assault then you are probably correct in terms of media attention public awareness and outrage Sexual assault is still largely an unreported unprose-cuted crime But things are getting better every day and as more and more survivors come forward posi-tive changes will continue to hap-pen
MS As Irsquom sure you know therersquos periodic discussion about tort re-
ing with what was handed out at the time and to a large extent itrsquos still in keeping with what is handed out right now
MS Are you still representing or have you represented anyone who is a plaintiff in this scandal
SJ I was very much involved in the core group of Maple Leaf Gar-dens survivors that came forward in 1997 I was on what was called the plaintiffsrsquo committee back then which was a group of a few lawyers who brought the litigation forward I represented a number of plaintiffs in the original group that came forward I have also represented quite a few men throughout the last 10 years and currently repre-sent two men in the last group of plaintiffs to come forward I have also been approached by at least two other men who may decide to pursue litigation
MS Dale English mdash who has spo-ken to you at some length mdash has said to me that either you or he or both of you have felt that Canada is perhaps 10 or more years behind the US in dealing with the issues of sexual abuse and sexual assault Could you elaborate on that com-ment
SJ I think it depends on what you mean by dealing with the is-sues If you mean dealing with the issues in terms of bringing civil cases forward to a certain extent we are behind One of the funda-mental differences between the United States and Canada is the way that our tort systems operate and specifically the amount of compensation that tort victims can
form in the United States mainly aimed at capping punitive dam-ages Irsquom wondering whether there is the mirror of that in Canada mdash whether therersquos any movement to-wards tort reform that would allow greater awards to victims
SJ Well there is and there isnrsquot In Canada itrsquos very difficult if not
impossible to get pu-nitive damages espe-cially if therersquos a criminal conviction The punitive damages that are available in Canada are very low A typical punitive damage award would be $20000 or $25000 - usually not much more than that So damages are quite restricted here in any event In terms of tort reform I think there is a global push by in-surance companies to
try to limit compensation whether in the States or here The things that the American Association of Justice are fighting for down in the States are the same things that the Ontario Trial Lawyers Association are fighting for here mdash the continued ability to sue for compensation un-hampered by legislative roadblocks benefitting powerful institutional defendants to the detriment of those who have suffered Ours is a much smaller playing field and therefore less money is at stake In terms of plaintiffsrsquo lawyers wersquore trying to maximize the compensa-tion that we can get for our client Every time we go to court we try
(Continued on page 44)
ldquoIf you mean that
Canada is 10 years
behind in dealing with
other aspects of sexual
assault then you are
probably correct in
terms of media
attention public
awareness and outrageldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 44
to get a higher damage award so that that case will be a building block for future cases There are always attempts to try to circum-vent the cap on pain and suffering damages that we have Itrsquos not an easy thing to do the cap has been in place in Canada for 32 years now It was put in place in 1977 by the Supreme Court of Canada and itrsquos unlikely to be overturned any-time soon Even though from a purely theoretical legal analysis that cap does not apply to pain and suffering damages for victims of sexual assault and sexual abuse the reality is that judges still use that cap as a high water mark even though it doesnrsquot formally apply mdash it is still a de facto cap and to be honest with you it is almost impos-sible to get anywhere near that cap for compensation for pain and suf-fering A typical pain and suffering award in Canada for childhood sex-ual abuse is somewhere between $100000 and $200000 Anything on top of that would be associated economic loss or care costs
MS Itrsquos quite unfortunate that even though therersquos no real cap the law behaves as if there were one
SJ Yep I couldnrsquot agree with you more Itrsquos very unfortunate
MS I understand that in 2005 the government of Ontario convened whatrsquos known as the Cornwall Pub-lic Inquiry Was the Inquiry con-vened to address the issues of sex-ual abuse and sexual assault and
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 43)
the way the justice system is han-dling it
SJ Thatrsquos probably one of the reasons the Inquiry was convened Thatrsquos one of the hopes The In-quiry was convened because of what was going on in a little city east of Toronto mdash a series of allega-tions against very prominent mem-bers of that community involving the sexual abuse of children over a period of many many years The idea behind the Inquiry is to try to figure out what happened and to put in place some recommenda-tions that will not only stop some-thing like the abuse in Cornwall from happening again but will also try to help those who were affected by the events in the first place And to some extent I think some good will come of the Inquiry Hopefully the recommendations will be good for survivors of childhood sexual abuse or any kind of sexual assault The Submission phase of the In-quiry officially ended late February 2009
MS Did you have the opportunity to testify before the Inquiry
SJ I did not personally testify before the Inquiry Testimony was generally limited to the people ac-tually involved mdash police officers vic-tims what not I was involved in the Inquiry with regards to a panel discussionroundtable that they had regarding the use of confiden-tiality agreements
MS As you probably know Male-Survivor was first founded in the early 1980s by a group of thera-pists who were concerned about support for victims of childhood
sexual abuse and although Male-Survivor is still not a very large or-ganization it has increased its in-fluence significantly over the years and Irsquom wondering whether there is a similar non-profit or other group in Canada that also is dedi-cated to helping victims of child-hood sexual abuse
SJ There are some grass roots organizations that deal with victims of childhood sexual abuse or adult sexual assault I donrsquot believe there is as cohesive a unit as MaleSurvi-vor I may be wrong on that but there are smaller more community based organizations that assist sur-vivors That being said resources available to survivors are unfortu-nately pretty limited
MS Is that because there are too few therapists in that form of prac-tice
SJ I think itrsquos a mixture of many different things First of all Canada has a much smaller population base mdash 30 million people as com-pared to 300 million in the United States mdash so you have significantly fewer people affected and there-fore you have significantly fewer resources available to those people The services that we do have will often have very long waiting lists before people can access them There are some very very good counselors in Canada assisting sur-vivors but unfortunately the waiting lists are sometimes long and the availability for public funding to provide services free of charge is somewhat limited
MS Is there anything in your opinion about the Canadian health
February 2009
Page 45
system that contributes to the scar-city of services
SJ I donrsquot know if itrsquos the Cana-dian health system I think that in Canada we have a pretty good public health system in the sense that anybody who needs medical services can access those services free of charge The problem is that a lot of these services are not covered under our health system per se Many are covered under either private plans or pay as you go type services and itrsquos just a question of finding the people who can provide these services and being lucky enough to get them when they either donrsquot have a waiting list or other-wise having to wait until your name comes up on that waiting list
MS And that could takes years in some cases it seems
SJ My understanding is that those waiting lists can be quite long but there are very good peo-ple out there Itrsquos just a question of finding them and being able to afford them
MS Can you elaborate on other differences between the US and Canada that affect the way survi-vors and perpetrators are treated by the legal system and the media
SJ The differences between Can-ada and the US are really huge On the surface Americans and Canadi-ans look pretty much the same dress the same talk the same eat the same foods and by and large watch the same TV but culturally there is a huge difference in the way we look at the world in the
way our legal system works and the way that people interact with one another
Americans are much more litigious by na-ture I think this is due to the fact that in the United States mdash at least as seen from the outside mdash the rights of the individual are paramount In Can-ada less so Canada is much more commu-nity-oriented We of-tentimes think about how something is going to affect others instead of looking at what an individual might be entitled to I think that the high
damage awards available through the American legal system are beneficial in sexual abuse cases as is the lack of a cap on awards which we have
In some ways though our legal system is much better for my cli-ents than the US system would be because of the way that our actual process works One of the things that I know is very damaging to a lot of plaintiffs in the United States is the whole discovery process tak-
ing depositions Depositions can go on for a huge number of days and pretty much everybody in the per-sonrsquos life can be called to give a deposition That is very troubling and painful for people who donrsquot necessarily want others to know about their abuse or donrsquot want to involve their family Here in Canada depositions mdash or what we call the examination for discovery mdash are lim-ited to the actual named parties in the lawsuit The defendant and the plaintiff are examined for discovery or deposed if you will Anyone who is not an actual party to the litiga-tion can only be discovered under court orders and itrsquos very difficult to get those court orders so in that sense itrsquos a much quicker cleaner process and less intrusive on some-onersquos life So that is probably a good thing
The other really huge difference between the two systems which I think does in fact impact on why a lot of these cases settle as opposed to going to court and oftentimes settle for very different amounts of money than they would if they went to court is that in Canada we have a ldquoloser paysrdquo system If you go to court and you lose you have to pay at least a portion of the fees incurred by the other side Letrsquos say the defendantrsquos settlement offer is $100000 If the plaintiff does not accept that $100000 and at trial the plaintiff gets $99000 then the plaintiff has to pay the lawyerrsquos fees of the defendant because the award is less than the settlement offer That is very difficult That means that a lot of cases are set-tled for probably less money than
(Continued on page 46)
ldquoOn the surface
Americans and
Canadians look pretty
much the same hellip but
culturally there is a
huge difference in the
way we look at the
world in the way our
legal system works and
the way that people
interact with one
anotherldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 46
MS I join you in that hope Any-thing that can advance the cause of not only helping people but also helping prevent further abuses is always going to be welcome If you could set forth a vision of how you would like to see the law and the therapeutic community in Canada evolve to handle matters of child-
hood sexual abuse and sexual assault mdash if you could influence the reform of institu-tions what would your vision be
SJ Oh Richard Wow Well first and foremost I would love to raise public aware-ness of this issue for various reasons I think that increased public awareness will not necessarily reduce the instances of abuse but will help improve how abuse is dealt with when itrsquos ongoing and after-wards Itrsquos very im-portant that when a child is hurt that
child knows that he can go to peo-ple for help and support All too often if kids get up enough cour-age to tell someone the reaction they get is not very positive I think that with increased public aware-ness hopefully people will under-stand that there are ways to deal with this that will decrease the amount of harm so public aware-ness is paramount
I would like the legal system to raise compensation awards for sur-
turning point in bringing to the publicrsquos attention that the sexual assault of children can happen does happen and itrsquos a very diffi-cult thing for anyone to go through whether theyrsquore little boys or grown men that were abused as children It brought childhood sex-ual abuse out of the shadows to a certain extent The scandal still garners media attention as new survivors come forward but not the same as it did 10 years ago
MS Would you say that the lack of inves-tigative reporting is a cultural phenomenon or is it that the news-papers donrsquot feel they have that role
SJ Oh no Canadian newspapers do feel that they have a role in investigating things but for whatever rea-son sexual abuse of children has not been a priority The Cana-dian media really has not been at the forefront of this issue the way the media in the United States has been and I think that is tremen-dously disappointing The lack of media attention means that we arenrsquot fostering the awareness within the public that we need in order to provide real help and ser-vices for survivors We need the mediarsquos help to bring this horrific crime to light and to help stop it from happening
they would get if they went to court because that risk of going to court and not getting at least the amount of the original offer weighs heavily on everyone Our system is designed and geared toward avoid-ing trials which can be good be-cause nobody really wants to go through a trial but can be bad be-cause people become very intimi-dated by the prospect of losing or not getting as much as the settle-ment offer and being indebted to the defendant for a lot of money Thatrsquos a scary scary thing to go through
With regards to the media the US has a media that by and large has helped out a lot with sexual abuse cases The whole issue of clergy abuse really started with investiga-tive reporting by the Boston Globe right
MS Right
SJ They really took that issue and just ran with it Here in Canada we really havenrsquot had the same kind of investigative media cover-age as yoursquove had which is why events like the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal are not as huge as they are down in the States
Before Martin Kruze committed sui-cide the media was only somewhat interested in the Maple Leaf Gar-dens scandal Martin Kruze was a figure because he had sued the Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Com-plex But after he committed sui-cide the media was really galva-nized and that was probably a
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 45)
ldquoThe lack of media
attention means that we
arenrsquot fostering the
awareness within the
public that we need in
order to provide real
help and services for
survivors We need the
mediarsquos help to bring
this horrific crime to
light and to help stop it
from happeningrdquo
February 2009
Page 47
ments but it canrsquot at this stage really happen through the courts
I would want there to be an ability for institutions or perpetrators mdash de-fendants mdash to look beyond mere dollars and cents and look toward healing the person that they have hurt either directly or indirectly All too often in these cases we really become tied up in the legal minu-tiae of things as opposed to defen-dants saying ldquoOK letrsquos step back here and letrsquos try to helprdquo
I wish that there were a real under-standing that these cases are not car accident cases and they should
not be treated as car accident cases My clients are not people whorsquove broken a leg and therefore need X amount of dollars in order to pay for medical services or whatnot And unfortu-nately that doesnrsquot necessarily happen
In terms of the thera-peutic community I would love to see counseling and therapy ses-sions be paid for through the pub-lic purse so that people who re-quire the services of highly-skilled counselors and therapists and psy-chologists can access those services without having to pay for them A lot of clients just donrsquot have the economic means to pay for such services until after they get a set-tlement and that could take years It would be wonderful to see those kinds of services funded the same way as a trip to the emergency room or a trip to your family doc-tor for a cold is funded Irsquod love to
vivors The amount of damage that can be done as a result of child-hood abuse or in fact any kind of sexual assault is tremendous It affects almost every aspect of someonersquos life It becomes inter-generational because it affects the people around the survivor and compensation awards are still very much a pale reflection of what is needed in order to help these peo-ple I hope that at some point our judges and our legislature under-stand that need and can corre-spondingly give appropriate and reasonable damage awards so that people can start to rebuild their lives in a meaningful way
I would love there to be an opportunity within our civil system for more than just compensation At this stage the only thing that a civil judge can do is award monetary compensation There are a lot of creative things that you can do within a settlement that are not purely fi-nancial that can give a lot of sol-ace to someone who has been abused whether that be in the form of some non-financial healing whether it be in the form of a situation where somebody can con-front their abuser if thatrsquos what they wish to do in a safe setting or whether itrsquos the ability for that sur-vivor to do something outside of pure simple dollars and put for-ward some sort of healing plan that is as individual as they are That can happen through settle-
be able to see that I think that that would go a long way to helping people earlier rather than later
Ultimately I wish that this situation didnrsquot exist anymore and I would be put out of business frankly
MS Well I can certainly sympa-thize with the way you feel but it would seem that you have a career ahead of you dealing with this problem
SJ Unfortunately I think you are right I think that instances of child-hood sexual abuse are not neces-sarily going down I think that insti-tutions are getting a little bit better at putting in place policies and sometimes even following their own policies to stop pedophiles from entering those institutions and preying on people that those insti-tutions are theoretically set up to serve but I think that as long as the problem of childhood sexual abuse is with us I will be out there trying to help anybody that I can
MS Is there anything else yoursquod like to say to our readers
SJ I think that organizations such as MaleSurvivor are imperative in helping people understand that they are not alone that itrsquos not their fault and there are ways to get help So hats off to an organi-zation such as yours The clients I have who are involved in your or-ganization are very very well served so I have to thank you for being a resource
MS Thank you very much for your kind comments and for your time Simona
ldquoUltimately I wish that
this situation didnrsquot exist
anymore and I would be
put out of business
franklyrdquo
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-
Vol 2 No 2
Page 44
to get a higher damage award so that that case will be a building block for future cases There are always attempts to try to circum-vent the cap on pain and suffering damages that we have Itrsquos not an easy thing to do the cap has been in place in Canada for 32 years now It was put in place in 1977 by the Supreme Court of Canada and itrsquos unlikely to be overturned any-time soon Even though from a purely theoretical legal analysis that cap does not apply to pain and suffering damages for victims of sexual assault and sexual abuse the reality is that judges still use that cap as a high water mark even though it doesnrsquot formally apply mdash it is still a de facto cap and to be honest with you it is almost impos-sible to get anywhere near that cap for compensation for pain and suf-fering A typical pain and suffering award in Canada for childhood sex-ual abuse is somewhere between $100000 and $200000 Anything on top of that would be associated economic loss or care costs
MS Itrsquos quite unfortunate that even though therersquos no real cap the law behaves as if there were one
SJ Yep I couldnrsquot agree with you more Itrsquos very unfortunate
MS I understand that in 2005 the government of Ontario convened whatrsquos known as the Cornwall Pub-lic Inquiry Was the Inquiry con-vened to address the issues of sex-ual abuse and sexual assault and
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 43)
the way the justice system is han-dling it
SJ Thatrsquos probably one of the reasons the Inquiry was convened Thatrsquos one of the hopes The In-quiry was convened because of what was going on in a little city east of Toronto mdash a series of allega-tions against very prominent mem-bers of that community involving the sexual abuse of children over a period of many many years The idea behind the Inquiry is to try to figure out what happened and to put in place some recommenda-tions that will not only stop some-thing like the abuse in Cornwall from happening again but will also try to help those who were affected by the events in the first place And to some extent I think some good will come of the Inquiry Hopefully the recommendations will be good for survivors of childhood sexual abuse or any kind of sexual assault The Submission phase of the In-quiry officially ended late February 2009
MS Did you have the opportunity to testify before the Inquiry
SJ I did not personally testify before the Inquiry Testimony was generally limited to the people ac-tually involved mdash police officers vic-tims what not I was involved in the Inquiry with regards to a panel discussionroundtable that they had regarding the use of confiden-tiality agreements
MS As you probably know Male-Survivor was first founded in the early 1980s by a group of thera-pists who were concerned about support for victims of childhood
sexual abuse and although Male-Survivor is still not a very large or-ganization it has increased its in-fluence significantly over the years and Irsquom wondering whether there is a similar non-profit or other group in Canada that also is dedi-cated to helping victims of child-hood sexual abuse
SJ There are some grass roots organizations that deal with victims of childhood sexual abuse or adult sexual assault I donrsquot believe there is as cohesive a unit as MaleSurvi-vor I may be wrong on that but there are smaller more community based organizations that assist sur-vivors That being said resources available to survivors are unfortu-nately pretty limited
MS Is that because there are too few therapists in that form of prac-tice
SJ I think itrsquos a mixture of many different things First of all Canada has a much smaller population base mdash 30 million people as com-pared to 300 million in the United States mdash so you have significantly fewer people affected and there-fore you have significantly fewer resources available to those people The services that we do have will often have very long waiting lists before people can access them There are some very very good counselors in Canada assisting sur-vivors but unfortunately the waiting lists are sometimes long and the availability for public funding to provide services free of charge is somewhat limited
MS Is there anything in your opinion about the Canadian health
February 2009
Page 45
system that contributes to the scar-city of services
SJ I donrsquot know if itrsquos the Cana-dian health system I think that in Canada we have a pretty good public health system in the sense that anybody who needs medical services can access those services free of charge The problem is that a lot of these services are not covered under our health system per se Many are covered under either private plans or pay as you go type services and itrsquos just a question of finding the people who can provide these services and being lucky enough to get them when they either donrsquot have a waiting list or other-wise having to wait until your name comes up on that waiting list
MS And that could takes years in some cases it seems
SJ My understanding is that those waiting lists can be quite long but there are very good peo-ple out there Itrsquos just a question of finding them and being able to afford them
MS Can you elaborate on other differences between the US and Canada that affect the way survi-vors and perpetrators are treated by the legal system and the media
SJ The differences between Can-ada and the US are really huge On the surface Americans and Canadi-ans look pretty much the same dress the same talk the same eat the same foods and by and large watch the same TV but culturally there is a huge difference in the way we look at the world in the
way our legal system works and the way that people interact with one another
Americans are much more litigious by na-ture I think this is due to the fact that in the United States mdash at least as seen from the outside mdash the rights of the individual are paramount In Can-ada less so Canada is much more commu-nity-oriented We of-tentimes think about how something is going to affect others instead of looking at what an individual might be entitled to I think that the high
damage awards available through the American legal system are beneficial in sexual abuse cases as is the lack of a cap on awards which we have
In some ways though our legal system is much better for my cli-ents than the US system would be because of the way that our actual process works One of the things that I know is very damaging to a lot of plaintiffs in the United States is the whole discovery process tak-
ing depositions Depositions can go on for a huge number of days and pretty much everybody in the per-sonrsquos life can be called to give a deposition That is very troubling and painful for people who donrsquot necessarily want others to know about their abuse or donrsquot want to involve their family Here in Canada depositions mdash or what we call the examination for discovery mdash are lim-ited to the actual named parties in the lawsuit The defendant and the plaintiff are examined for discovery or deposed if you will Anyone who is not an actual party to the litiga-tion can only be discovered under court orders and itrsquos very difficult to get those court orders so in that sense itrsquos a much quicker cleaner process and less intrusive on some-onersquos life So that is probably a good thing
The other really huge difference between the two systems which I think does in fact impact on why a lot of these cases settle as opposed to going to court and oftentimes settle for very different amounts of money than they would if they went to court is that in Canada we have a ldquoloser paysrdquo system If you go to court and you lose you have to pay at least a portion of the fees incurred by the other side Letrsquos say the defendantrsquos settlement offer is $100000 If the plaintiff does not accept that $100000 and at trial the plaintiff gets $99000 then the plaintiff has to pay the lawyerrsquos fees of the defendant because the award is less than the settlement offer That is very difficult That means that a lot of cases are set-tled for probably less money than
(Continued on page 46)
ldquoOn the surface
Americans and
Canadians look pretty
much the same hellip but
culturally there is a
huge difference in the
way we look at the
world in the way our
legal system works and
the way that people
interact with one
anotherldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 46
MS I join you in that hope Any-thing that can advance the cause of not only helping people but also helping prevent further abuses is always going to be welcome If you could set forth a vision of how you would like to see the law and the therapeutic community in Canada evolve to handle matters of child-
hood sexual abuse and sexual assault mdash if you could influence the reform of institu-tions what would your vision be
SJ Oh Richard Wow Well first and foremost I would love to raise public aware-ness of this issue for various reasons I think that increased public awareness will not necessarily reduce the instances of abuse but will help improve how abuse is dealt with when itrsquos ongoing and after-wards Itrsquos very im-portant that when a child is hurt that
child knows that he can go to peo-ple for help and support All too often if kids get up enough cour-age to tell someone the reaction they get is not very positive I think that with increased public aware-ness hopefully people will under-stand that there are ways to deal with this that will decrease the amount of harm so public aware-ness is paramount
I would like the legal system to raise compensation awards for sur-
turning point in bringing to the publicrsquos attention that the sexual assault of children can happen does happen and itrsquos a very diffi-cult thing for anyone to go through whether theyrsquore little boys or grown men that were abused as children It brought childhood sex-ual abuse out of the shadows to a certain extent The scandal still garners media attention as new survivors come forward but not the same as it did 10 years ago
MS Would you say that the lack of inves-tigative reporting is a cultural phenomenon or is it that the news-papers donrsquot feel they have that role
SJ Oh no Canadian newspapers do feel that they have a role in investigating things but for whatever rea-son sexual abuse of children has not been a priority The Cana-dian media really has not been at the forefront of this issue the way the media in the United States has been and I think that is tremen-dously disappointing The lack of media attention means that we arenrsquot fostering the awareness within the public that we need in order to provide real help and ser-vices for survivors We need the mediarsquos help to bring this horrific crime to light and to help stop it from happening
they would get if they went to court because that risk of going to court and not getting at least the amount of the original offer weighs heavily on everyone Our system is designed and geared toward avoid-ing trials which can be good be-cause nobody really wants to go through a trial but can be bad be-cause people become very intimi-dated by the prospect of losing or not getting as much as the settle-ment offer and being indebted to the defendant for a lot of money Thatrsquos a scary scary thing to go through
With regards to the media the US has a media that by and large has helped out a lot with sexual abuse cases The whole issue of clergy abuse really started with investiga-tive reporting by the Boston Globe right
MS Right
SJ They really took that issue and just ran with it Here in Canada we really havenrsquot had the same kind of investigative media cover-age as yoursquove had which is why events like the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal are not as huge as they are down in the States
Before Martin Kruze committed sui-cide the media was only somewhat interested in the Maple Leaf Gar-dens scandal Martin Kruze was a figure because he had sued the Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Com-plex But after he committed sui-cide the media was really galva-nized and that was probably a
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 45)
ldquoThe lack of media
attention means that we
arenrsquot fostering the
awareness within the
public that we need in
order to provide real
help and services for
survivors We need the
mediarsquos help to bring
this horrific crime to
light and to help stop it
from happeningrdquo
February 2009
Page 47
ments but it canrsquot at this stage really happen through the courts
I would want there to be an ability for institutions or perpetrators mdash de-fendants mdash to look beyond mere dollars and cents and look toward healing the person that they have hurt either directly or indirectly All too often in these cases we really become tied up in the legal minu-tiae of things as opposed to defen-dants saying ldquoOK letrsquos step back here and letrsquos try to helprdquo
I wish that there were a real under-standing that these cases are not car accident cases and they should
not be treated as car accident cases My clients are not people whorsquove broken a leg and therefore need X amount of dollars in order to pay for medical services or whatnot And unfortu-nately that doesnrsquot necessarily happen
In terms of the thera-peutic community I would love to see counseling and therapy ses-sions be paid for through the pub-lic purse so that people who re-quire the services of highly-skilled counselors and therapists and psy-chologists can access those services without having to pay for them A lot of clients just donrsquot have the economic means to pay for such services until after they get a set-tlement and that could take years It would be wonderful to see those kinds of services funded the same way as a trip to the emergency room or a trip to your family doc-tor for a cold is funded Irsquod love to
vivors The amount of damage that can be done as a result of child-hood abuse or in fact any kind of sexual assault is tremendous It affects almost every aspect of someonersquos life It becomes inter-generational because it affects the people around the survivor and compensation awards are still very much a pale reflection of what is needed in order to help these peo-ple I hope that at some point our judges and our legislature under-stand that need and can corre-spondingly give appropriate and reasonable damage awards so that people can start to rebuild their lives in a meaningful way
I would love there to be an opportunity within our civil system for more than just compensation At this stage the only thing that a civil judge can do is award monetary compensation There are a lot of creative things that you can do within a settlement that are not purely fi-nancial that can give a lot of sol-ace to someone who has been abused whether that be in the form of some non-financial healing whether it be in the form of a situation where somebody can con-front their abuser if thatrsquos what they wish to do in a safe setting or whether itrsquos the ability for that sur-vivor to do something outside of pure simple dollars and put for-ward some sort of healing plan that is as individual as they are That can happen through settle-
be able to see that I think that that would go a long way to helping people earlier rather than later
Ultimately I wish that this situation didnrsquot exist anymore and I would be put out of business frankly
MS Well I can certainly sympa-thize with the way you feel but it would seem that you have a career ahead of you dealing with this problem
SJ Unfortunately I think you are right I think that instances of child-hood sexual abuse are not neces-sarily going down I think that insti-tutions are getting a little bit better at putting in place policies and sometimes even following their own policies to stop pedophiles from entering those institutions and preying on people that those insti-tutions are theoretically set up to serve but I think that as long as the problem of childhood sexual abuse is with us I will be out there trying to help anybody that I can
MS Is there anything else yoursquod like to say to our readers
SJ I think that organizations such as MaleSurvivor are imperative in helping people understand that they are not alone that itrsquos not their fault and there are ways to get help So hats off to an organi-zation such as yours The clients I have who are involved in your or-ganization are very very well served so I have to thank you for being a resource
MS Thank you very much for your kind comments and for your time Simona
ldquoUltimately I wish that
this situation didnrsquot exist
anymore and I would be
put out of business
franklyrdquo
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-
February 2009
Page 45
system that contributes to the scar-city of services
SJ I donrsquot know if itrsquos the Cana-dian health system I think that in Canada we have a pretty good public health system in the sense that anybody who needs medical services can access those services free of charge The problem is that a lot of these services are not covered under our health system per se Many are covered under either private plans or pay as you go type services and itrsquos just a question of finding the people who can provide these services and being lucky enough to get them when they either donrsquot have a waiting list or other-wise having to wait until your name comes up on that waiting list
MS And that could takes years in some cases it seems
SJ My understanding is that those waiting lists can be quite long but there are very good peo-ple out there Itrsquos just a question of finding them and being able to afford them
MS Can you elaborate on other differences between the US and Canada that affect the way survi-vors and perpetrators are treated by the legal system and the media
SJ The differences between Can-ada and the US are really huge On the surface Americans and Canadi-ans look pretty much the same dress the same talk the same eat the same foods and by and large watch the same TV but culturally there is a huge difference in the way we look at the world in the
way our legal system works and the way that people interact with one another
Americans are much more litigious by na-ture I think this is due to the fact that in the United States mdash at least as seen from the outside mdash the rights of the individual are paramount In Can-ada less so Canada is much more commu-nity-oriented We of-tentimes think about how something is going to affect others instead of looking at what an individual might be entitled to I think that the high
damage awards available through the American legal system are beneficial in sexual abuse cases as is the lack of a cap on awards which we have
In some ways though our legal system is much better for my cli-ents than the US system would be because of the way that our actual process works One of the things that I know is very damaging to a lot of plaintiffs in the United States is the whole discovery process tak-
ing depositions Depositions can go on for a huge number of days and pretty much everybody in the per-sonrsquos life can be called to give a deposition That is very troubling and painful for people who donrsquot necessarily want others to know about their abuse or donrsquot want to involve their family Here in Canada depositions mdash or what we call the examination for discovery mdash are lim-ited to the actual named parties in the lawsuit The defendant and the plaintiff are examined for discovery or deposed if you will Anyone who is not an actual party to the litiga-tion can only be discovered under court orders and itrsquos very difficult to get those court orders so in that sense itrsquos a much quicker cleaner process and less intrusive on some-onersquos life So that is probably a good thing
The other really huge difference between the two systems which I think does in fact impact on why a lot of these cases settle as opposed to going to court and oftentimes settle for very different amounts of money than they would if they went to court is that in Canada we have a ldquoloser paysrdquo system If you go to court and you lose you have to pay at least a portion of the fees incurred by the other side Letrsquos say the defendantrsquos settlement offer is $100000 If the plaintiff does not accept that $100000 and at trial the plaintiff gets $99000 then the plaintiff has to pay the lawyerrsquos fees of the defendant because the award is less than the settlement offer That is very difficult That means that a lot of cases are set-tled for probably less money than
(Continued on page 46)
ldquoOn the surface
Americans and
Canadians look pretty
much the same hellip but
culturally there is a
huge difference in the
way we look at the
world in the way our
legal system works and
the way that people
interact with one
anotherldquo
Vol 2 No 2
Page 46
MS I join you in that hope Any-thing that can advance the cause of not only helping people but also helping prevent further abuses is always going to be welcome If you could set forth a vision of how you would like to see the law and the therapeutic community in Canada evolve to handle matters of child-
hood sexual abuse and sexual assault mdash if you could influence the reform of institu-tions what would your vision be
SJ Oh Richard Wow Well first and foremost I would love to raise public aware-ness of this issue for various reasons I think that increased public awareness will not necessarily reduce the instances of abuse but will help improve how abuse is dealt with when itrsquos ongoing and after-wards Itrsquos very im-portant that when a child is hurt that
child knows that he can go to peo-ple for help and support All too often if kids get up enough cour-age to tell someone the reaction they get is not very positive I think that with increased public aware-ness hopefully people will under-stand that there are ways to deal with this that will decrease the amount of harm so public aware-ness is paramount
I would like the legal system to raise compensation awards for sur-
turning point in bringing to the publicrsquos attention that the sexual assault of children can happen does happen and itrsquos a very diffi-cult thing for anyone to go through whether theyrsquore little boys or grown men that were abused as children It brought childhood sex-ual abuse out of the shadows to a certain extent The scandal still garners media attention as new survivors come forward but not the same as it did 10 years ago
MS Would you say that the lack of inves-tigative reporting is a cultural phenomenon or is it that the news-papers donrsquot feel they have that role
SJ Oh no Canadian newspapers do feel that they have a role in investigating things but for whatever rea-son sexual abuse of children has not been a priority The Cana-dian media really has not been at the forefront of this issue the way the media in the United States has been and I think that is tremen-dously disappointing The lack of media attention means that we arenrsquot fostering the awareness within the public that we need in order to provide real help and ser-vices for survivors We need the mediarsquos help to bring this horrific crime to light and to help stop it from happening
they would get if they went to court because that risk of going to court and not getting at least the amount of the original offer weighs heavily on everyone Our system is designed and geared toward avoid-ing trials which can be good be-cause nobody really wants to go through a trial but can be bad be-cause people become very intimi-dated by the prospect of losing or not getting as much as the settle-ment offer and being indebted to the defendant for a lot of money Thatrsquos a scary scary thing to go through
With regards to the media the US has a media that by and large has helped out a lot with sexual abuse cases The whole issue of clergy abuse really started with investiga-tive reporting by the Boston Globe right
MS Right
SJ They really took that issue and just ran with it Here in Canada we really havenrsquot had the same kind of investigative media cover-age as yoursquove had which is why events like the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal are not as huge as they are down in the States
Before Martin Kruze committed sui-cide the media was only somewhat interested in the Maple Leaf Gar-dens scandal Martin Kruze was a figure because he had sued the Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Com-plex But after he committed sui-cide the media was really galva-nized and that was probably a
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 45)
ldquoThe lack of media
attention means that we
arenrsquot fostering the
awareness within the
public that we need in
order to provide real
help and services for
survivors We need the
mediarsquos help to bring
this horrific crime to
light and to help stop it
from happeningrdquo
February 2009
Page 47
ments but it canrsquot at this stage really happen through the courts
I would want there to be an ability for institutions or perpetrators mdash de-fendants mdash to look beyond mere dollars and cents and look toward healing the person that they have hurt either directly or indirectly All too often in these cases we really become tied up in the legal minu-tiae of things as opposed to defen-dants saying ldquoOK letrsquos step back here and letrsquos try to helprdquo
I wish that there were a real under-standing that these cases are not car accident cases and they should
not be treated as car accident cases My clients are not people whorsquove broken a leg and therefore need X amount of dollars in order to pay for medical services or whatnot And unfortu-nately that doesnrsquot necessarily happen
In terms of the thera-peutic community I would love to see counseling and therapy ses-sions be paid for through the pub-lic purse so that people who re-quire the services of highly-skilled counselors and therapists and psy-chologists can access those services without having to pay for them A lot of clients just donrsquot have the economic means to pay for such services until after they get a set-tlement and that could take years It would be wonderful to see those kinds of services funded the same way as a trip to the emergency room or a trip to your family doc-tor for a cold is funded Irsquod love to
vivors The amount of damage that can be done as a result of child-hood abuse or in fact any kind of sexual assault is tremendous It affects almost every aspect of someonersquos life It becomes inter-generational because it affects the people around the survivor and compensation awards are still very much a pale reflection of what is needed in order to help these peo-ple I hope that at some point our judges and our legislature under-stand that need and can corre-spondingly give appropriate and reasonable damage awards so that people can start to rebuild their lives in a meaningful way
I would love there to be an opportunity within our civil system for more than just compensation At this stage the only thing that a civil judge can do is award monetary compensation There are a lot of creative things that you can do within a settlement that are not purely fi-nancial that can give a lot of sol-ace to someone who has been abused whether that be in the form of some non-financial healing whether it be in the form of a situation where somebody can con-front their abuser if thatrsquos what they wish to do in a safe setting or whether itrsquos the ability for that sur-vivor to do something outside of pure simple dollars and put for-ward some sort of healing plan that is as individual as they are That can happen through settle-
be able to see that I think that that would go a long way to helping people earlier rather than later
Ultimately I wish that this situation didnrsquot exist anymore and I would be put out of business frankly
MS Well I can certainly sympa-thize with the way you feel but it would seem that you have a career ahead of you dealing with this problem
SJ Unfortunately I think you are right I think that instances of child-hood sexual abuse are not neces-sarily going down I think that insti-tutions are getting a little bit better at putting in place policies and sometimes even following their own policies to stop pedophiles from entering those institutions and preying on people that those insti-tutions are theoretically set up to serve but I think that as long as the problem of childhood sexual abuse is with us I will be out there trying to help anybody that I can
MS Is there anything else yoursquod like to say to our readers
SJ I think that organizations such as MaleSurvivor are imperative in helping people understand that they are not alone that itrsquos not their fault and there are ways to get help So hats off to an organi-zation such as yours The clients I have who are involved in your or-ganization are very very well served so I have to thank you for being a resource
MS Thank you very much for your kind comments and for your time Simona
ldquoUltimately I wish that
this situation didnrsquot exist
anymore and I would be
put out of business
franklyrdquo
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-
Vol 2 No 2
Page 46
MS I join you in that hope Any-thing that can advance the cause of not only helping people but also helping prevent further abuses is always going to be welcome If you could set forth a vision of how you would like to see the law and the therapeutic community in Canada evolve to handle matters of child-
hood sexual abuse and sexual assault mdash if you could influence the reform of institu-tions what would your vision be
SJ Oh Richard Wow Well first and foremost I would love to raise public aware-ness of this issue for various reasons I think that increased public awareness will not necessarily reduce the instances of abuse but will help improve how abuse is dealt with when itrsquos ongoing and after-wards Itrsquos very im-portant that when a child is hurt that
child knows that he can go to peo-ple for help and support All too often if kids get up enough cour-age to tell someone the reaction they get is not very positive I think that with increased public aware-ness hopefully people will under-stand that there are ways to deal with this that will decrease the amount of harm so public aware-ness is paramount
I would like the legal system to raise compensation awards for sur-
turning point in bringing to the publicrsquos attention that the sexual assault of children can happen does happen and itrsquos a very diffi-cult thing for anyone to go through whether theyrsquore little boys or grown men that were abused as children It brought childhood sex-ual abuse out of the shadows to a certain extent The scandal still garners media attention as new survivors come forward but not the same as it did 10 years ago
MS Would you say that the lack of inves-tigative reporting is a cultural phenomenon or is it that the news-papers donrsquot feel they have that role
SJ Oh no Canadian newspapers do feel that they have a role in investigating things but for whatever rea-son sexual abuse of children has not been a priority The Cana-dian media really has not been at the forefront of this issue the way the media in the United States has been and I think that is tremen-dously disappointing The lack of media attention means that we arenrsquot fostering the awareness within the public that we need in order to provide real help and ser-vices for survivors We need the mediarsquos help to bring this horrific crime to light and to help stop it from happening
they would get if they went to court because that risk of going to court and not getting at least the amount of the original offer weighs heavily on everyone Our system is designed and geared toward avoid-ing trials which can be good be-cause nobody really wants to go through a trial but can be bad be-cause people become very intimi-dated by the prospect of losing or not getting as much as the settle-ment offer and being indebted to the defendant for a lot of money Thatrsquos a scary scary thing to go through
With regards to the media the US has a media that by and large has helped out a lot with sexual abuse cases The whole issue of clergy abuse really started with investiga-tive reporting by the Boston Globe right
MS Right
SJ They really took that issue and just ran with it Here in Canada we really havenrsquot had the same kind of investigative media cover-age as yoursquove had which is why events like the Maple Leaf Gardens scandal are not as huge as they are down in the States
Before Martin Kruze committed sui-cide the media was only somewhat interested in the Maple Leaf Gar-dens scandal Martin Kruze was a figure because he had sued the Maple Leaf Gardens Sports Com-plex But after he committed sui-cide the media was really galva-nized and that was probably a
Simona Jellinek Interview (Continued from page 45)
ldquoThe lack of media
attention means that we
arenrsquot fostering the
awareness within the
public that we need in
order to provide real
help and services for
survivors We need the
mediarsquos help to bring
this horrific crime to
light and to help stop it
from happeningrdquo
February 2009
Page 47
ments but it canrsquot at this stage really happen through the courts
I would want there to be an ability for institutions or perpetrators mdash de-fendants mdash to look beyond mere dollars and cents and look toward healing the person that they have hurt either directly or indirectly All too often in these cases we really become tied up in the legal minu-tiae of things as opposed to defen-dants saying ldquoOK letrsquos step back here and letrsquos try to helprdquo
I wish that there were a real under-standing that these cases are not car accident cases and they should
not be treated as car accident cases My clients are not people whorsquove broken a leg and therefore need X amount of dollars in order to pay for medical services or whatnot And unfortu-nately that doesnrsquot necessarily happen
In terms of the thera-peutic community I would love to see counseling and therapy ses-sions be paid for through the pub-lic purse so that people who re-quire the services of highly-skilled counselors and therapists and psy-chologists can access those services without having to pay for them A lot of clients just donrsquot have the economic means to pay for such services until after they get a set-tlement and that could take years It would be wonderful to see those kinds of services funded the same way as a trip to the emergency room or a trip to your family doc-tor for a cold is funded Irsquod love to
vivors The amount of damage that can be done as a result of child-hood abuse or in fact any kind of sexual assault is tremendous It affects almost every aspect of someonersquos life It becomes inter-generational because it affects the people around the survivor and compensation awards are still very much a pale reflection of what is needed in order to help these peo-ple I hope that at some point our judges and our legislature under-stand that need and can corre-spondingly give appropriate and reasonable damage awards so that people can start to rebuild their lives in a meaningful way
I would love there to be an opportunity within our civil system for more than just compensation At this stage the only thing that a civil judge can do is award monetary compensation There are a lot of creative things that you can do within a settlement that are not purely fi-nancial that can give a lot of sol-ace to someone who has been abused whether that be in the form of some non-financial healing whether it be in the form of a situation where somebody can con-front their abuser if thatrsquos what they wish to do in a safe setting or whether itrsquos the ability for that sur-vivor to do something outside of pure simple dollars and put for-ward some sort of healing plan that is as individual as they are That can happen through settle-
be able to see that I think that that would go a long way to helping people earlier rather than later
Ultimately I wish that this situation didnrsquot exist anymore and I would be put out of business frankly
MS Well I can certainly sympa-thize with the way you feel but it would seem that you have a career ahead of you dealing with this problem
SJ Unfortunately I think you are right I think that instances of child-hood sexual abuse are not neces-sarily going down I think that insti-tutions are getting a little bit better at putting in place policies and sometimes even following their own policies to stop pedophiles from entering those institutions and preying on people that those insti-tutions are theoretically set up to serve but I think that as long as the problem of childhood sexual abuse is with us I will be out there trying to help anybody that I can
MS Is there anything else yoursquod like to say to our readers
SJ I think that organizations such as MaleSurvivor are imperative in helping people understand that they are not alone that itrsquos not their fault and there are ways to get help So hats off to an organi-zation such as yours The clients I have who are involved in your or-ganization are very very well served so I have to thank you for being a resource
MS Thank you very much for your kind comments and for your time Simona
ldquoUltimately I wish that
this situation didnrsquot exist
anymore and I would be
put out of business
franklyrdquo
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-
February 2009
Page 47
ments but it canrsquot at this stage really happen through the courts
I would want there to be an ability for institutions or perpetrators mdash de-fendants mdash to look beyond mere dollars and cents and look toward healing the person that they have hurt either directly or indirectly All too often in these cases we really become tied up in the legal minu-tiae of things as opposed to defen-dants saying ldquoOK letrsquos step back here and letrsquos try to helprdquo
I wish that there were a real under-standing that these cases are not car accident cases and they should
not be treated as car accident cases My clients are not people whorsquove broken a leg and therefore need X amount of dollars in order to pay for medical services or whatnot And unfortu-nately that doesnrsquot necessarily happen
In terms of the thera-peutic community I would love to see counseling and therapy ses-sions be paid for through the pub-lic purse so that people who re-quire the services of highly-skilled counselors and therapists and psy-chologists can access those services without having to pay for them A lot of clients just donrsquot have the economic means to pay for such services until after they get a set-tlement and that could take years It would be wonderful to see those kinds of services funded the same way as a trip to the emergency room or a trip to your family doc-tor for a cold is funded Irsquod love to
vivors The amount of damage that can be done as a result of child-hood abuse or in fact any kind of sexual assault is tremendous It affects almost every aspect of someonersquos life It becomes inter-generational because it affects the people around the survivor and compensation awards are still very much a pale reflection of what is needed in order to help these peo-ple I hope that at some point our judges and our legislature under-stand that need and can corre-spondingly give appropriate and reasonable damage awards so that people can start to rebuild their lives in a meaningful way
I would love there to be an opportunity within our civil system for more than just compensation At this stage the only thing that a civil judge can do is award monetary compensation There are a lot of creative things that you can do within a settlement that are not purely fi-nancial that can give a lot of sol-ace to someone who has been abused whether that be in the form of some non-financial healing whether it be in the form of a situation where somebody can con-front their abuser if thatrsquos what they wish to do in a safe setting or whether itrsquos the ability for that sur-vivor to do something outside of pure simple dollars and put for-ward some sort of healing plan that is as individual as they are That can happen through settle-
be able to see that I think that that would go a long way to helping people earlier rather than later
Ultimately I wish that this situation didnrsquot exist anymore and I would be put out of business frankly
MS Well I can certainly sympa-thize with the way you feel but it would seem that you have a career ahead of you dealing with this problem
SJ Unfortunately I think you are right I think that instances of child-hood sexual abuse are not neces-sarily going down I think that insti-tutions are getting a little bit better at putting in place policies and sometimes even following their own policies to stop pedophiles from entering those institutions and preying on people that those insti-tutions are theoretically set up to serve but I think that as long as the problem of childhood sexual abuse is with us I will be out there trying to help anybody that I can
MS Is there anything else yoursquod like to say to our readers
SJ I think that organizations such as MaleSurvivor are imperative in helping people understand that they are not alone that itrsquos not their fault and there are ways to get help So hats off to an organi-zation such as yours The clients I have who are involved in your or-ganization are very very well served so I have to thank you for being a resource
MS Thank you very much for your kind comments and for your time Simona
ldquoUltimately I wish that
this situation didnrsquot exist
anymore and I would be
put out of business
franklyrdquo
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER Richard Cleverly WOR 2 and WOR 9
newsletter-editormalesurvivororg
SUPPORT GROUP LIAISON CANADA Mark Hawkins WOR 19 and WOR 22
GRAPHIC DESIGN AND LAYOUT Richard Cleverly
FOUNDER AND PRODUCER Dale English MS CAS
OFFICERS
PRESIDENT Ken Followell VICE PRESIDENT Jorge Ramirez SECRETARY Rommell Washington TREASURER Ken Followell
Ann Boyer MD Daniel Blausey MA ATR-BC LCAT Dale English MS CAS Ken Followell Howard Milton Jorge Ramirez PhD Joe Romano CPA
Curtis St John Murray Schane MD Marc Spindelman Karen Terry Stephen Vincent Rommell Washington
BOARD OF DIRECTORS
Lee Beckstead PhD Bill Burmester MA MFT Joanna Colrain LPC CGP Howard Fradkin PhD LICDC Sandi Forti PhD Rob Hawkings MA Donald E Laufersweiler MS LICDC LPCC NBCCH
Paul Linden PhD Lynne MacDonell BA CADC CHt Ernesto Mujica PhD Mikele Rauch LMFT Hildie Rempel-Jacyk BSW MA Jim Struve LCSW Dale English MS CAS (Retired) Facilitator Emeritus
WEEKENDS OF RECOVERY TEAM
USA MaleSurvivor
PMB 103
5505 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington DC 20015-2601
1-800-738-4181
Canada MaleSurvivor
co BCSMSSA
1252 Burrard St 202
Vancouver B C
V6Z 1Z1
Newsletter Staff
MaleSurvivor
- The MaleSurvivor Interview Simona Jellinek13
- Features13
- February 200913
- Departments13
- Vol 2 No 213
- Weekends of Recovery13
- Canadians Offer Huge Warm Welcome to MS Weekends of Recovery Eh 13
- Event Calendar13
- Event Calendar (continued)13
- Just a Thought13
- Editorial The Tragedy and Redemption of Martin Arnold Kruze13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- In the First Person13
- Moving On13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Male Survivor Groups (MSG)13
- Support Groups13
- Advocacy Rewarded13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Review of federalcorrections policy13
- Dangerous offenders13
- Communityprotection orders13
- Age of protection13
- Mandatory minimumsentences for Internet child abuse offences13
- Conditional sentencesof imprisonment13
- Moving forward13
- Enhanced training for law enforcement officers involved in child abuse investigations13
- Parole reform13
- Selection of judges13
- Gun crime and other victim focused matters13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- Phone calls received at CRIPHASE 13
- Male survivors in theNative Americancommunities 13
- A Brief IncompleteCanadian History13
- Introduction13
- A Caregiverrsquos Perspective13
- The Authority ofReligious Leaders13
- Misuse of Power13
- The Impacton Spirituality13
- The Role of theReligious Institutions13
- The Role of Gender13
- In Summary13
- Newsletter Staff13
- MaleSurvivor13
-