out of sight

“Out of Sight” | Colene Arcaina

“711 it is!” I pressed send and placed my phone on my study table which

was finally free of the usual mountain of required class readings and my

overcharged laptop. It was 7:35pm and a Saturday night in June 2012. Thank

God. It’s a new semester and I would be finally seeing them after the break

of trying to move on and getting over it. I tied my hair, put my earrings on,

and checked my face on the bathroom mirror. Pweds na, I thought. I took my

phone, placed it in my usual small, teal, leather sling bag. Then my keys. Oh

and then my wallet. I slipped on my usual gimmick sandals and headed for

the door, then the elevator. I think I’m ready to see her, I thought. It’s going

to be fine. I’m meeting my friends who I missed and seeing her again isn’t a

big deal. She’s one of them naman, I thought. Friends.

I think I was even excited. 711’s just eight floors away from where I

live and I arrived first. I sat on one of their red, round, and steel-footed chairs

as I waited for the rest. “Just a Feeling” by Maroon 5 suddenly played in 711

and I recalled how I used to wait for these songs inside this convenience

store about a year and a half ago during late-night conversations with her

and we’d even play a game about it.

***

My everyday was with her and that seemed to be everything to me. Among

my small circle of friends, she was my favorite. We got along pretty well.

We’d exchange laughs, talk about life, love, dreams, school, our families,

sometimes crazy and trivial things. We’d spend those nights in 711 and we

didn’t seem to run out of things to talk about.


“Uy, it’s just a feeling daw sabi ng Maroon 5!” George said, “Sige

ganito. Let’s play a game, Liz. Let’s ask a question and the radio will answer

it for us. So whatever song follows your question is the answer to your

question.”

“Pano? Haha!” I said.

“Basta sige, ask a question.”

“Sino ang magiging someone special ko?” I said.

“O sige, let’s wait for the next song.”

Kailan by Smokey Mountain played on the radio. That song as an

answer to my question didn’t seem to make sense, I thought. Then she

looked me in the eye and smiled. My breathing slowed down but my heart

raced. My eyes were fixed on hers and hers on mine. I guessed that there

was one more thing we’d been missing to talk about then it hit me, and it hit

us. We could happen.

***

I snapped back to 2012 and realized I was staring at that rack of Skittles. The

radio was already playing a new song when somebody tapped me on the

shoulder.

“Uy.” I turned and saw George standing and holding a Caramel

Cornetto, with a half-smile on her lips. Somehow her eyes smiled more than

her lips did. Ah that George. I miss that George who smiled for and because

of me. She might be happier now, I thought. Is there someone new? She still

wore that necklace with a cross pendant as well. She’s a devout Catholic and


her mom gave that to her. Most would still regard us as sisters because we

looked alike. She was just an inch taller, had brown and wavy hair and I had

rounder cheeks. She sat next to me and asked,

“Sa’n na ‘yung tatlo? I thought 7:30?”

“Ewan, baka nag-date na sina Ann and Patch. Alam mo naman ‘yun.

Tas third wheel na naman si Tope.” I said.

We laughed. That was casual. See Liz. It’s fine, I thought. The glass

door swung open, making the noises from the passing cars along Katipunan

and the chitchat of some people in front of 711, audible.

“Sorry, late” said Ann. She let out a giggle then embraced me and

George. “I missed you guys! Sorry talaga, si Patch kasi ang tagal.”

“Sorry na” said Patch in his ever-apologetic voice, but then he

childishly pointed at Tope, “’To kasi eh! They walked towards us, laughing.

Patch took Ann’s hand then kissed her on the cheek. She looked him in the

eye, and let out a smile. They’d been together for two years. How I wish I

had one of my own. Well I used to. Bagay na bagay pa sila, I thought. Patch

was the combination of that boy-next-door and the responsible son while Ann

was that bubbly fashionista who always made it to the honors’ list.

“Ako na naman. Haha!” Tope said, “O tara na? ‘Di ba 9:45 yung movie?

Dinner pa tayo! As usual, Tope sounded so ecstatic. The barkada clown

indeed.

We stepped out of 711, walked along Katipunan – Mile Hi, where the

barkada usually drank Saturday nights or after hell weeks, then Sweet


Inspiration, home to my favorite red velvet cake, manholes, uneven

pavements, more uneven pavements, then Serenitea, Yellowcab, BPI,

Chicken Charlie, Dairy Queen, Pizza Hut, Chicken Bacolod, and then finally,

the Old Spaghetti House.

“Group meal na, game?” I said. Everybody nodded in approval.

“Bottomless iced na rin!” Tope added.

“Kuya, pitcher of water please!” said George, who giggled with the rest

like tomorrow’s never going to come. And she never looked my way, but I

smiled at her, hoping she’d see me and smile back like before. Her eyes

were still some maze I’d lose myself in, the way she’d laugh, and that scar

just right above her left eyebrow was still a beauty. Was it this easy for her

to move on, I thought. Maybe I was just being too sensitive? Or maybe she

was being insensitive? I don’t know. I looked down and stared at a very

familiar placemat which had a sketch of a plate full of spaghetti and had

some space for doodling. I recalled one of the most memorable birthdays I

had.

***

I was sitting in that same couch less than a year ago, staring at the

same placemat with spaghetti sketches and Tope sat across me. He

relentlessly talked about his day. I was wondering why he kept on talking

about himself and he hasn’t greeted me a happy birthday. He talked about

not having moved on from his ex-girlfriend, Dana. Then pressure from his

dad. Family business. Graduation next year. Then everything else. He went


on and I was really getting annoyed. The door opened, making a very

familiar voice audible.

“Isn’t she lovely? Isn’t she wonderful?” Patch was singing with his

guitar on. Ann stood beside him and was holding a red velvet cake lit by

nineteen candles. Behind them stood George holding a box wrapped in light

blue Japanese paper with a white ribbon around it.

“Happy birthday, Liz!” They said in chorus after singing along with

Patch, not minding the other customers present. Tope hugged me, wished

me a boyfriend. Then Ann gave me a bracelet she made. Patch said that his

song number was his gift and wished me good grades. George hugged me

the tightest, whispered I love you, handed me a tiny jade green box she got

from her pocket and took my free hand as we sat. We had dinner, shared

wishes, and exchanged laughs. George took me home.

“Hey, thanks love.” I said, “Alam ko ikaw may kagagawan nun. Haha”

We were standing in front of my door.

“Sure. Happy birthday again, and I love you. Please remember” She

said.

“I love you too.” I said. I took both of her hands and kissed her on the

cheek. “How long are we keeping this, George? We’ve been together for

more than six months and si Ann lang nakakaalam. How about Patch and

Tope? The rest of the world? Ang hirap ha.”

“Let’s talk about that some other time, Liz. Aren’t you tired?”

“Why not tonight?”


“Please not tonight. Something’s up at home. I’m sorry.” Her phone

beeped and she took it from her pocket. Unknown number. She quickly puts

it back and told me she had to go.

“Sorry babe. I think it’s mom.” She said.

She gave me a long kiss on the forehead then I embraced her. I closed

my eyes, wishing my last for that day, that I just didn’t want it to end.

***

That memory still seemed so fresh but it slowly faded as I heard Ann. I

thought I’d been staring at that placemat for too long and George was still

talking to the rest.

“Uyyyy wait, instagram tayo guys!” said Ann, who quickly took her

iPhone out of her bag.

“Hahaha, ikaw talaga!” Patch added. “Kuya, pa-picture na rin ha!”

I missed them and it’s been a great night, I thought. It can never be

the same with her though.

***

“Oh kumusta ka na, Liz?” Tope said, “Bakit di kayo nagpapansinan ni

George? Magkagalit ata kayo. Hahaha” I saw Ann slap Tope’s arm and she

looked at me, her face asking me whether I was still okay or not.

“Ah okay lang naman ako. Busy buong summer.” I said as I fiddled with

the San Mig light label on my third bottle that night. Mahaba-haba pa yung

gabi, I thought. “Di kaya kami magkagalit ni George. Haha. Ano ba.”


“Oo naman. We’re good. Diba, Liz?” George said. She even put her arm

around my shoulder for one moment.

“Cheers to the summer that has been!” Ann said.

Cheeeeeers!

“Mabuti pa, let’s play a game na lang.” Ann added. “Spin the bottle!

Truth or dare!”

“Classic, love, ha!” Patch said. He was on his second bottle of Red

Horse.

We were at Mile Hi, our hang-out place on chill (and even on not-so-

chill) nights. It gave out the ambience of an American diner with its hefty

burgers, the bacon and cheese fries (which was our favorite), the spacious

red booths, and a mural of two women in white spaghetti straps and denim

pants, looking straight into each other’s eyes, and chatting in front of a black

1959 Ford Thunderbird which covered the entire wall of the diner from our

view. Ah, it felt like it was the first time all over again.

First time? I thought. George and I laughed at that exactly 7 months

back, when she first took me to Mile Hi so we could try those bacon and

cheese fries.

***

“Di ko alam pero para talaga silang couple eh.” George said. One

actually looks like you, and the other looks like me.” George said.


“Haha! Well, I’d have to agree. This is our mural, George. Somebody

must have known we’d end up together and he knew we’d go here and talk

about this.” I said.

“Oo nga. This really looks like us talking the whole night. Alam mo na,

hanggang mag-umaga. Except that we don’t have a car.”

***

George’s and my voice seemed to diffuse in my head and all I knew

was that I was still staring at that silly old mural. Oo nga pala, I thought. We

were playing spin the bottle.

“Huy, kanina ka pang walang reaction! Ikaw na oh!” George pouted

towards the bottle whose spout was pointing to my free hand resting on the

table.

“O game, I’ll ask! I’ll ask!” Tope said, after ordering another bucket of

beer, “Alam mo, sobrang curious ko pa rin talaga. Naalala mo yung time na

sinabi ko sa’yong nakita kong kasama ni George si David last sem? Mga

bandang February ata?”

“Yep, I remember.” I said. Bakit niya tinanong ‘yun, I thought. Ann was

looking at me, her face still asking me whether I was fine or not. I smiled to

tell her I was fine. George was suddenly silent. Too silent.

“Why did you react that way? You liked David, no?” Tope said.

“Uy Tope. Ano ba ‘yan.” George said.

“Ay nako, Tope. You’re drunk.” I said.


“But you’re not answering the question, Liz!” Patch said in a whim then

he snorted from laughing too hard. May tama na ‘to, I thought.

“I’m not drunk, ano ba. This is just our second bucket, o!”

“Well for the record, I never liked David. Bad day lang ata ‘yun Tope

kaya I reacted that way.” I looked at George who was texting and I was

hoping she’d lift her head to look my way. Reacted that way, I let out a sigh.

That day in February was indeed a bad day. No, it was a tormenting and

frustrating day.

***

I remembered meeting up with Tope that day in Starbucks for a school

project and he blurted out,

“Hoy si George, kasama si David the other night after your birthday!

David from French class?”

“Ah talaga?” I said. Then it all made sense. What a mood turner.

“Oh tapos?”

“Wala, it just looked like they were having fun. Nilapitan ko lang si

George to say hello then I went.”

I didn’t finish my meeting with Tope and told him that I’d been

suffering from a severe headache that day. I didn’t wait for him to say

goodbye and I stormed out of the coffee shop.

***

Spin the bottle’s now the worst game ever. It was George’s turn to

answer and Tope asked again in delight.


“Oh so bakit naman kayo magkasama ni David nun, George?” He said.

“Wala. Tope. Can we stop talking about that moment?” George said.

She looked at me and mouth the word “sorry”. The night couldn’t get worse

and I didn’t see this coming. What happened to it’s going to be fine, I

thought. Well, it isn’t. Nothing’s been fine.

We drank more. Revealed truths. Did dares. Tope’s turn. Then Ann.

Then George. Then Patch. Countless rounds. We called it a day after one shot

of tequila each. My phone said 3:34am.

“Wake up, lovebirds!” I remembered Tope tapping on Patch and Ann’s

shoulders and he said, “Sige George, ako na bahala sa kanila. Trike lang to

Xavierville. I’m still fine. Ikaw na dyan.”

I remember George taking my hand when we stepped out of Mile Hi

that night and pressing “8” on our elevator.

“Liz, keys?”

I let go of her hand and quickly unzipped my usual sling bag. I

carelessly fumbled for anything that sounded and felt like my keys. We went

inside and I kept asking her to stay over for the night. I really wanted her to

stay.

“I can’t, Liz. I have to go home. Patay na naman ako kay mom neto.

Basta don’t drink too much na next time.” George said. She embraced me

lightly. I slightly pressed my cheek on hers and then she pulled away.

“I won’t na. Promise. But can you stay, please?” I said, tugging the

sides of her loose top with one hand and holding her lower back so I can pull


her towards me. I felt her giving in for a moment and thought that maybe I

could still make her stay.

“I really can’t. I have to go. Bye,” she said. She took my hand off her

top and her back, took a step towards the door and she closed it for me. I

opened the door and followed her outside. She was heading towards the

elevator.

“Was he better in loving you?” I said. She stopped walking. “Tell me

now George.” I tried not to cry and she turned to walk towards me.

“You’re so drunk Liz, come on. Balik ka na, please.” She said. “Let’s

just talk some other time, when you’re better.”

“Bakit other time na naman George? Why not now? Why do you always

put me off?”

“Please, don’t do this to yourself, Liz. I care about you and we’re still

friends. Don’t do this to yourself. We just all need time. I took mine. Take

yours.” That was death all over again. “Come on, balik ka na sa loob. I need

to go and I can’t leave you like this.”

“But you already did, George.”

“Magpahinga na tayo, Liz. Please.”

She accompanied me back to my unit and then left. I buried myself in

my sheets and took it all out on sleep.

***

“Mass at Gesu?” I sent Patch, Ann, Tope, and George a message. It was a

Sunday and I missed attending mass at the Gesu inside Ateneo. I miss the


entire place, the vast Bel Field across, outlined by trees from which white

and blue lights charmed their spectators, the stone pavement that

surrounded the majestic church which sat on a “hill”, the highest point in the

entire university, and Jesus’ statue on the front pavement which was very

much best viewed from the stone ledge. I sat there and faced Bel Field. It

was a little after 5 and I’d be waiting for sunset.

***

I was waiting for her so I sat on the middle of that same stone ledge. It was

late February. She promised last time we’d talk about us. Finally. I guess

she’d already told her parents about us by now. Then we can tell the rest of

our barkada. I guess today would be a better day. A new one for us. I hope.

An hour passed and she still didn’t come. She’s late again. All her

messages for the past two months were delayed. Our 711 nights slowly

faded into oblivion. She’d tell me she’s too tired. Too busy. Too many

reasons. We’d still go out, but not as often and it would always be me on the

waiting end. But I’d keep waiting because there was nobody else that I

wanted but her. And there was nobody else I’d still love to say good night to

every single day.

“Sorry Liz, late.” George said, “Something’s still up at home.” She’s

finally here, I thought.

“What’s up?” I said and I took her hand, “I think I’m okay with not

telling Patch and Tope about us yet. No pressure.” I smiled and then put my

arm around her shoulder.


“No, it’s not that.”

“Then what is?” I’d never felt that afraid to ask and hear an answer.

“Liz,” she said in a shaky voice.

“Yes?” I was hoping it wasn’t going to where I’d been feeling it would.

“I’m sorry.”

“Why?”

“Liz, sorry” She said. She let go of my hand. “I can’t do this anymore.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I don’t know how to tell you.” Please just do, I thought. Or not. I didn’t

exactly know what I wanted, or maybe I did. I just didn’t know if I should still

do.

“There’s someone else.” I said, “David, right?”

“I’m sorry, Liz.” She looked at me and it was all too different, “I don’t

know. I guess I just fell. He likes me a lot, he’d tell me,” And I thought

George felt like I was the only one that was keeping her from feeling the

same way for him, or for anyone else. I looked at her and her eyes would tell

me so. It was the first time I felt like I was a hindrance. And she’s asking me

now to let her go. So I did. I had to. I can’t help it, to be the one who always

had to wait for things to come around. And even if they did, I still had to be

the one to let them go when circumstance called for it.

***

It still stung. I’d never really moved on from her. The sun was finally setting

and I looked beyond Bel Field. I tried to clear my eyes from the clouding


tears. A black Fortuner stopped in front of Gesu and I saw George, Ann,

Patch, and Tope.

Gesu’s bell rang and I walked after them. George and Tope turned and

gestured for me to follow them. I froze and felt the evening breeze kiss my

cheeks. I wiped away a few tears and I couldn’t believe how I’ve never

wanted anything this bad before. And I just wanted to figure out how I could

win her back.

***

Two months passed and I met up with Ann to ask her advice. I’d never really

changed my mind and all my conversations with Ann always went back to

that night in Mile Hi because I never really talked about it to anyone, not

even George.

“Girl, so ano ba balak mo?” Ann said.

“I really want her back, Ann.” I said. It was the first time I told Ann that

I wanted George back and I was willing to go all the way.

“Sure ka ba?”

“I’ve always been sure about George, Ann. Ano ba.”

“Balita ko two months na rin silang wala ni David. I can’t say it’s the

“perfect” time, but you know. Mas malaki chance, Liz. Uy, muling ibalik.

Haha.” Ann teased me with what we call her “shipper’s” laugh and I’d never

been so hopeful.

“And should I tell the rest na, Ann?” I said.


“Patch knows, Liz. Sorry I told him.”

“Kainis ka, Ann. Hahaha. Fine. I think I’m fine with it naman. Sige so si

Tope na lang. So what do you think should I do, Ann? I mean, parang

“manliligaw” ata ako?”

“Oh my Liz. Hahaha. I really don’t know. Ask Tope when you tell him!”

I took Ann’s advice. I told Tope. It was quick and Tope laughed, told me

he’s sorry for all the jokes he’d said before, most especially about “that”

night.

“So pano ba to, Tope? Do I send her flowers? Haharanahin ko ba? Hingi

ako tulong kay Patch to play the guitar for me? Aayain ko ba for lunch

everyday? I said.

“No, Liz! Haha! I think you know better. I mean, kilala mo si George.

You should know!” He said.

“Huh? Kaya nga ako lumapit sa’yo eh.”

“Exactly. I’m telling you that gawin mo lang yung mga ginawa mo

before. She fell for that and it’s possible that she can fall for it again. Simple

lang. Swabe! Natural. No fancy stuff.”

Tope just made perfect sense to me and I knew what I had to do and I

wanted to start on it right away.

***


It was a Monday night. I had been keeping myself busy and I couldn’t

remember the last time I sent a text message which was for her alone. It’s

been a while and I thought I should finally make the move.

I typed “Dinner?” on my phone and all it usually took was a millisecond

to hit send. But I thought, do I send it?. No big deal, I should. It’s just dinner.

Or no. Or yes. No big deal. Or no. Never. It took me two minutes before I

finally pressed send. Within a minute, my phone beeped and then she said,

“Sure! Where? :)”

My heart raced and one moment I was so happy. Then nervous. No,

just cautious. Who was I kidding, I was elated! But that would be the first

time talking to her alone again after that night in Mile Hi. I wouldn’t talk to

her anyway whenever we’d meet with the rest. It’s been a while and I was

feeling all the butterflies, more butterflies, even dragons in my stomach. This

is it, I thought.

We had dinner in that ever familiar place. I guess we both missed the

bacon and cheese fries. She was late. No, I was just early. I saw her coming

through my peripheral but I chose to look down then at my phone so it

wouldn’t be too obvious. I noticed that they still hadn’t taken that mural

down.

“Hey, kumusta?” I said.

“I’m fine, Liz. Busy with school. Thesis! How about you?” She said.

“Okay lang din! Same old.”


“How’s life?”

“Getting better.”

“Hey, sorry ah. You know, for that night. I know it’s a bit too late na for

an apology pero sorry.”

“Basta ikaw, okay ka. I’m good na rin. Okay ka ba?”

“Sabi mo nga, getting better. I’m getting better as well.”

It felt wonderful that she still cared, or so I thought. But it just felt fine.

“I told you, Liz. We’re friends no matter what.”

“Thanks. That’s great to know” That’s a good start, I thought. That

night was a good start with her. After dinner, we said goodbye and we

embraced. Again. I felt alive again.

***

Weeks passed and dinners with her became more frequent. 711 nights were

back, well almost back. We’d talk about random things again, talk about the

day. School. Family. Eveything. I’d text her everyday and she’d reply. Small

talks here and there. I’d been trying so hard to keep conversations up.

Difficult times, I thought. But at least, she would respond. Good enough.

There was this time she wanted to have dinner and texted first. I’d be more

than glad. We’d meet up at the same place.

“What’s up, George?”

“Wala naman, Liz. Was hungry so I thought we’d have dinner! Haha!

Bawal ba?”


“Di naman.”

“Aren’t you glad?”

“Of course I am.” I said. I didn’t know where the conversation was

going though. But I was so sure I can’t be there yet, “Ikaw? Masaya ka ba?”

“I am too, Liz.” She smiled. That smile. I was celebrating inside so I

smiled back.

“Pero kumusta ka with David?” I just felt like I already had that right

again to ask her about those things.

“Okay lang naman Liz. Nagpaparamdam siya every now and then. He’d

still send me flowers. Tell me he misses me. I’d reply every now and then

din, but not when he tells me he misses me.” She said.

“Why’d you break up again?” I regretted asking my earlier question. I

felt a pang in my chest.

“I guess I just needed time to figure me out.”

“I see. Still hoping?” Oh why did I ask again.

“Well, I can’t say anything about that right now Liz.”

I guess that was enough for that night. What mattered was that I’d

been with her while she was trying to be better about things. I could make

her feel better. These days had been the best opportunities to make her the

happiest person in the world, I thought. A thousand Davids didn’t matter. I

could make it. This is my second chance.

***


I told Ann, Patch, and Tope about the progress I’d been making with

winning George back. We were, as usual, waiting for George in 711.

“Oh tapos? Nag hug kayo? Di pa ba kayo uli naghohold-hands?” Ann

said.

“There was this time I tried pero nag-brush lang hands namin. Natakot

ako eh baka mabigla siya.” I said.

“Smooth ha. Hahaha!” Patch said.

“Sabi sa’yo mukhang effective yung swabe moves eh!” Tope said.

“Alam mo, I think we should go out of town for George’s birthday!” Ann

said. I was thinking the same thing too since November was almost coming

to an end.

“Oo nga! Let’s plan something!” I said.

“Uy, mukhang may balak!” Tope and Patch said in chorus. George

came holding a carton with both her hands and I stood to help her.

“Ay it’s fine, Liz.” She said. I embraced her lightly. “For you guys! I

baked red velvet cupcakes!”

“Uy your favorite, Liz!” Ann said. Ann looked at me with her “shipper”

stare and I could just imagine her giggling inside from joy. I was too. Oh my,

George still remembered baking those. Of all cupcakes, red velvet pa, I

thought.

“Oo nga no!” George said. “Sorry I was late, someone dropped by the

house kanina and I couldn’t leave. David.” I thought I stopped breathing


when I heard that name. What was he doing in her house? I thought. This

can’t be. Ann bumped my arm and Tope let out an awkward smile, his panic

smile, and Patch was whistling. What obvious friends I have.

“Oh David. Kumusta naman siya?” Ann broke the silence.

“He’s fine! Dropped by to get the other batch of cupcakes! He bought

three boxes. Gift daw.” George said.

“I see! By the way, George! We were thinking of going out of town the

weekend before the 19th!” Ann said.

“December to no? Haha!” George said.

“Yup!” Patch said.

“No plans pa naman for that weekend! Sure! Basta ba sa birthday ko,

we’ll still go out! Haha!” George said. “We can talk about that now!”

“Oo naman!”

***

The weekend before the 19th of December came and I was so excited. I could

finally surprise her for her birthday. Okay na lahat, I thought. All ironed-out.

Good as finished. George and I were, as usual, texting the previous night.

“Good night! So excited for tomorrow!” George said but I read “so

excited to see you tomorrow” so I replied.

“Excited to see you too!” I said. “Good night! Love you!”


“Aww! Love you girl! Sige, tulog na!” She said. It was a little too late

when I realized that she just texted “So excited for tomorrow”. Oh well. I

texted the rest,

“Guys, plans natin ha! So excited! Thank you so much for putting up

with all my kagagahan. But tomorrow night’s the night! Game face on! See

you all. 6am. 711! Love you loads!”

***

I carried my gray gym bag and pressed “G”. I didn’t get enough sleep but it

was fine. I thought I’d just sleep in the car. We were off to Bataan anyway.

Anvaya Cove, according to Ann. Pretty long drive.

Ann brought her black Fortuner. Patch was driving. Tope, George and I

would be at the back. Perfect, I thought. It was almost quarter to seven and

we were only waiting for George. Ang tagal, I thought. A black tinted Lancer

came and it was George who came out of the passenger seat side. I tried to

check who brought her to Katipunan but I failed to see who it was. George’s

family never had a Lancer, I thought. She apologized while loading her bags.

Patch drove. Ann was in the passenger seat. I sat between Tope and George.

Halfway through NLEX, Ann and Tope were snoozing. George was

already sleepy so I offered her my shoulder. She tilted her head so it rested

on my shoulder. She took my right arm so it intertwined with her left. I closed

my eyes.


“Gising na!!!! Dito na tayo!” Patch said. I woke up and we were holding

each other’s hands but I let go.

***

The place is breathtaking. The sky was a harmonious mix of deep purple and

shades of orange and the water was deep blue. Clouds hovered and we wait

for sundown by the seashore. Barefoot. It’s getting cooler. I bury my feet and

the fine sand between my toes feel wonderful and somehow reassuring. It’s

time. I give Patch, Ann, and Tope my signal. Tope stands up first and goes

back to the cottage. He says he’s getting some chips and beer. Patch and

Ann follow leaving George with me. I etch all our names on the sand and put

my name beside George’s.

“So many feelings for sunsets,” I said.

“I know.” George said. “Now I couldn’t wait for the stars! I don’t know

why, but I’m glad sunsets exist because they tell me that my wishing on

those bright stars at night would begin soon. You don’t wish at sunsets,

right?” That’s a weird comment, I think but I look at her and we laugh. Her

hair dances with the breeze but she looks far beyond the horizon. My phone

beeps. It was Ann. Everything’s ready, she says. We walk along the shoreline

for a good five minutes. We catch a glimpse of Ann, Patch, and Tope from

afar and I take her arm. Few stars are out and the only lights we see are the

strands of white Christmas lights my friends hang around the palm trees and

the bonfire they build in front of those trees. We’re getting closer and Patch


starts playing his guitar. Both Patch and Tope are wearing red long sleeves

and Ann’s wearing a white dress.

“Isn’t she lovely? Isn’t she wonderful?” They’re all singing now as they

look our way and I start singing as well while looking at her. From the white

lights around those trees hang a simple white cloth that says “Happy

birthday, George” in dark blue ink, courtesy of Ann’s forever beautiful

handwriting. Tope is holding Red Ribbon’s black forest lit with twenty

candles. Ann is holding a bouquet of roses. The song ends and we sing

happy birthday.

“Thank you so much guys.” George says. “I don’t know what to say!”

She blows her candles and Ann hands me the bouquet. This is it. Patch sings

“Sa Kanya” by MYMP and George looks at me holding the bouquet. She’s

frozen. Her face turns blank. The wind’s getting colder by the second and

clouds hide the stars. I take a step closer to her, holding the bouquet tighter

and offering it to her.

“Still in love, Georgina.” I look deep into her eyes and I’m closer more

than ever. I hold her hand. It starts to drizzle, then rain starts to pour. The

rain puts out the fire. The sea washes away our etched names from the sand.

“Sorry, Lizzie.” She looks down and shakes her head. She tells me in

her coldest voice, “Hindi na talaga. ‘Wag na natin ipilit pa.” My heart stops at

those words. I swallow, hoping I heard it wrong, hoping for something else.

She lets go of my hand. I shut my eyes. I try to wish for hope, for anything,


just anything that I can hold on to or anything that can hold me. But I am

drenched in rain and the stars are already out of sight tonight. There’s

nothing left.

***

Today’s the last day of April and I’m moving out from Katipunan. Four years

is quick, I thought. My mom’s waiting for me, and I grab my last luggage

from unit 8P. I go down and catch one last glimpse of Mile Hi as I walk to our

car.

“O ano na pong mangyayari dito?” I said. It’s a Tuesday and they’re

closed, a portion of the glass window covered with old newspapers. They’ve

taken out the neon-lit jukebox and some of the other displays.

“They’re renovating,” said Kuya Lito, one of the security guards.

I take a peek through the uncovered glass window. A white primer is

now covering that wall where our mural used to be on. I guess they’ll be

painting new ones and I don’t know when I’ll be back to see them.

out of sight

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