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Help! My Hook is Dull! How to Sharpen Your Hook to a Shine

© Emma Walton Hamilton & Julie Hedlund. The Complete Picture Book Submissions System — All Rights Reserved

^PICTURE BOOK

OUR Why… What’s Yours?

Why Should You Listen to Us?

Julie • Award-winning picture book author • Founder of 12 x 12 Picture Book Writing Challenge • Regular presenter at children’s writing conferences • STILL has to write hooks for all of her picture books, even with an agent

Emma • NYT-Bestselling author of 30+ books with her mother, Julie Andrews • Freelance editor and professor of Children’s Literature • “The Query Whisperer” • Published by 3 large houses & served as Editorial Director of imprint

YOU HAVE 2 SECONDS (AND 1 CHANCE)

To make an impression with an agent or editor with your picture book submission!

Which Means You NEED

A SHARP Hook!

Here’s What You’ll Learn

• Quick Review: 3 purposes of the hook • Quick Review: 3 formulas for writing hooks • 6 most common problems with hook sentences • Troubleshooting ho-hum hooks

Stay to the end!We’re going to give you… • Our slides & notes • Our templates for writing hook sentences • Opportunity to make your submissions

soar out of the slush pile • Way to get individual feedback • Q & A session

What is a “Hook”?

The 3 purposes of a hook are…

1. To capture the story and spirit of your book

2. To pique an agent or editor’s interest

3. To show that you write well.

BONUS: Demonstrates you know what your book is about.


Hook Template 1: Review

HERO wants GOAL, but they can’t because OBSTACLE/PROBLEM,

so they TAKE ACTION, and learn THEME.

★ We Don’t Eat Our Classmates: Penelope Rex wants to make friends, but that proves difficult when she keeps eating her classmates. It’s not until she gets a taste of what it’s like to be chomped on that she loses her appetite for children and starts to fit in.



When EVENT happens, HERO must TAKE ACTION in order to TAKE AWAY/THEME.

★ A Little Chicken: When one of her soon-to-be siblings rolls out of the nest, the normally nervous Dot must pluck up the courage to retrieve it from the deep, dark woods, proving that sometimes, even the biggest heroes are just a little chicken.



HERO is tired of PROBLEM, so they TAKE ACTION,

only to discover TAKE AWAY/THEME.

★ Her Fearless Run: Kathrine Switzer is tired of people saying women are too fragile to run in races like the Boston Marathon, so she registers and runs anyway, dodges the race officials, and paves the way for female runners of the future.


Hooks For Other BooksSome book types don’t fit the templates as well:

• Expository Nonfiction

• Concept Books

• “Ensemble” casts • Static main character • Origin stories/slice of life

Common ProblemsYou can use templates, and STILL have a so-so hook!

6 Common Hook Problems: 1. Confusing plot with theme 2. No good sense of main character 3. Omitting conflict 4. Giving away the ending 5. Too general/vague 6. Losing your voice

Confusing Plot with ThemeTheme = What your book is really ABOUT

• Who cares?

• Why does it matter?

• What will the reader take away from the book?

• How will a child relate to the theme?

• What does your main character learn by the end of the book? How have they changed?

Plot = What HAPPENS in your book • What actions the character takes in the story to reveal the theme (and

change, learn or grow)

Plot vs. Theme: Example• Plot-based

After Humpty fell off the fabled wall, he fell into depression because he could no longer visit his beloved birds. After making several attempts to connect with the birds from the ground, Humpty summons his inner strength, climbs that wall again, and discovers he was a bird all along.

• Theme-based Humpty’s great fall leaves him terrified of heights and no longer able to visit his beloved birds. He tries to ground himself, but eventually learns that only by getting back up again can he conquer his fear and reach new heights.

No Good Sense of MC• Main Character represents your reader • Your reader takes the emotional journey of the

story alongside the MC • Specifics of the MC make them interesting • WHY do the story stakes matter to this character? • Character’s time and/or place (esp. for nonfiction)

Sense of MC: Examples• Penelope is not just a dinosaur on her first day

of school. She is a T-Rex (predator) going to school with children, which happen to be one of her favorite foods.

• Kathrine Switzer is not just a female runner who overcame obstacles. She was the first female runner to register for and run in the Boston Marathon.

• Sulwe is not just a girl who wants to look different than she does. Her skin is darker than anyone in her family or school.

Omitting Conflict• No conflict = no story. • Conflict = the stakes of the story, the obstacle(s)

the character faces. • Stakes create investment in the character and

story and make readers want to know more. • Focus on the impact of the conflict/obstacles,

rather than the story outline.

Omitting Conflict: Example• No clear conflict

• As his grandfather gets older, James works to preserve his memories. He learns that sometimes it’s up to us to keep carry our loved ones’ special stories forward.

• Clear conflict • When James’ grandfather starts losing the

balloons that hold all his special memories, James tries to catch them. Soon, too many are drifting away and James can’t keep up. Instead, he discovers another way he can help keep his grandfather’s memories safe.

Giving Away the Ending• The job of the hook is to entice

the agent or editor to want to solicit and read the whole manuscript. If you give away the ending, why should they bother?

• Reveal the what, but not the how. • Avoid rhetorical or obvious

questions with “yes or no” answers.

Giving Away Ending: Example

• Ending Humpty summons his inner strength, climbs that wall again, and is amazed to discover that he was a bird all along.

• Takeaway/Theme He tries to ground himself, but eventually learns that only by getting back up again can he conquer his fear and reach new heights.

Too General/Vague• Story sounds like every other story out there on

the subject of… (bedtime, friendship, bullying) • Too MUCH theme and not enough plot or

character • So short that we have no idea what the story is

about. • Focused on the features, device, and/or language

vs. the story.

Too General: Example• General

Kids will find themselves clucking as Little Chicken Dot faces her fears and saves her sibling from the forest. With clever wordplay, X-word A LITTLE CHICKEN is poultry in motion.

• Specific When one of her soon-to-be siblings rolls out of the nest, the normally nervous Dot must pluck up the courage to retrieve it from the deep, dark woods, proving that sometimes, even the biggest heroes are just a little chicken.

Losing Your Voice• Adopting a formal, “business letter” tone at the

expense of the style of your manuscript. • Straight-up summary of story • Doesn’t utilize specifics from the manuscript • Adjectives and adverbs vs. specific nouns and juicy

verbs.

Losing Voice: Example• No Voice

Penelope is a dinosaur who wants to make friends on her first day of school, but she can’t because she keeps eating them — until she learns what it’s like to have someone try to eat you.

• Voice Penelope Rex wants to make friends, but that proves difficult when she keeps eating her classmates. It’s not until she gets a taste of what it’s like to be chomped on that she loses her appetite for children and starts to fit in.

A “Submission System”… • Gives you ALL the pieces (beyond just the hook)

you need to create a winning submission • Leads you through a step-by-step process every

time you submit • Organizes all the information you need in one

place • Makes submitting EASY

All You Need is a System

With a System, You Will...

• Remove doubt • Save time • Stop reinventing the wheel • Avoid fatal mistakes • Submit with confidence • Wow agents and editors with

stand-out submissions…

EVERY TIME!

So, Here’s the Deal…

With Our System You Get…• ALL the information you need, available 24/7 • Organized in the order you need it, in easily digestible

units - no overwhelm! • Step-by-step instructions • Continuously updated - newly revised for 2020 • Hundreds of resources, available at the click of a

button • Collective knowledge of two trusted industry experts

Let’s Take a Look Inside

Module One• Makes researching agents and editors a breeze

Module Two• Guidelines and templates for writing standout

hooks and query letters

Module Three• 50 real-life video query critiques to learn from,

so you don’t make the same mistakes.

Module Four• NEVER worry again about what you should and

shouldn’t do in your submission. It’s all here all the time.

Module Five• Submission and formatting templates for EVERY type of query

and manuscript. Avoid formatting faux pas!

Module Six

• Don’t get derailed by feedback!

Module Seven• NOTE: SWITCH THIS IMAGE ONCE I DROP THE

FIRST THREE UNITS - BOTH WILL BE “NEW”

Module Eight• Everything you need to know AFTER you sign

with an agent.

Consider: Time, Money, Source

OR…Save money, time, AND your sanity. Have all the

information you need in one place, in perpetuity, for every submission you’ll ever create, for…

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“I am announcing today that I have signed with Jordan Hamessley of New Leaf Literary! …(T)he PB Submission Guide… played a big role in gepng me to this milestone.

I used the submissions system each qme I drared (query) lesers for new manuscripts, as I revised across 39 submissions (but who's counqng), and also in prepping for the call with Jordan/making my decision.

Thank you for all that you do to help turn writers into author.”

Kara Dan

Two Ways to Travel

Or 2 Payments of $165 Or 3 Payments of $175

• Private Facebook group • Weekly LIVE Office Hours with Julie and Emma • Post questions anytime. • Answers remain on the group page for review

and study. • Access to a community of picture book authors

and illustrators also in the submission trenches.

First Class Cabin

• Feedback on your hook/pitch sentence • What should I put in my bio paragraph? • How to interpret a rejection letter • Is my formatting correct? • Confusion about specific submission guidelines • Input on evaluating offers • Are these good comp titles for my manuscript? • Clarification of any content in The Complete Picture

Book Submissions System.

What Can I Ask?

• Optional add-on to The System. • Feedback limited to submissions • Annual membership fee of $200. • Fee renews unless or until you cancel • 30-day money back guarantee. Go back

to Business Class, keep The System • ONLY 20 SPOTS AVAILABLE!

First Class Fine Print

Yes! Cardinal Rule Press bought [my story] to be published Oct 2020. The pitch was tweaked numerous times here.

I got help with the pitch for a NF PB acquired by Kar Ben earlier this year. It will be released in Fall 2021. Very excited!

I recently received a request for revisions from a wonderful publisher. The query you helped me craft was definitely helpful.

I do feel very good when I send out a query because of all the help you've both given me regarding my hook paragraphs. I'm confident in them and proud of them.

First Class Cabin Success Stories

Anita

Audrey

Elizabeth

Joann

First Class Cabin Testimonials

SO…• If you want to craft stellar submissions without spending

thousands of dollars or doing months of research, there is NO better system

• You get ALL the modules and bonuses immediately! • You’ll never submit another picture book without us

cheering you on. • You’ll start 2020 READY to submit your work!

No Economy Class for YOU!

Or 2 Payments of $165 Or 3 Payments of $175

Join Us!The System is only available through Dec. 2nd, midnight, PST • Cart closes, bonuses gone • Don’t know when we’ll reopen enrollment • Don’t spend another day in fear and

confusion • Don’t go it alone!

picturebooksubmissions.com/enroll-now

As Promised...Link to slides and templates:

picturebooksubmissions.com/handouts

Q & A

picturebooksubmissions.com/enroll-now

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