oregon humanities fall/winter 2015: move

48
Move Fall/Winter 2015  Whose state is this ? The ow of trafc, trash, laws, and sh Moving between languages to nd a voice Leaving and staying gone $8

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7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 148

MoveFallWinter 2015

Whose state is this

The flow of traffic

trash laws and fish

Moving betweenlanguages to find a voice

Leaving and staying gone

$8

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 248

editor

Kathleen Holt

a rt di r ector s

Jen Wick

Taryn Cowart

a s sis ta n t edit or s

Eloise Holland

Ben Waterhouse

copy editor

Allison Dubinsky

communications

publications intern

Julia Withers

Oregon Humanities (ISSN

2333-5513) is published trian-

nually by Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite

150 Portland Oregon 97205

We welcome letters fromreaders If you would like to

submit a letter for consider-

ation please send it to the

editor at kholtoregon-

humanitiesorg or to the

address listed above Letters

may be edited for space or

clarity

Oregon Humanities is

provided free to Oregonians

To join our mailing list email

ohmoregonhumanities

org visit oregonhumanities

orgmagazine or call our

office at (503) 241-0543 or

(800) 735-0543

Oregon Humanities2

editorial a dvisoryb o a r d

Debra Gwartney

Julia Heydon

Guy Maynard

Win McCormack

Greg Netzer

Camela Raymond

Kate Sage

Rich Wandschneider

Dave Weich

Matt Yurdana

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 348

12

Whose State Is This

by brent walthLegal measures targeting

Latino Oregonians reflect fears

of change

17

Community in Flux

by lisa loving

A long-persecuted people

begins to speak out

22

This Way through Oregon

by eric gold and tar a

ra e mi ner The flow of salmon waste

traffic and laws

Departments

4

Editorrsquos Note

6

Field Work

Partnership with Portland

Playhouse Pints and

Pulitzers Power and PlaceJoaquin Lopez OH News

Thanks to our funders Talking

about Dying

11

From the Director

40

PostsReaders write about ldquoMoverdquo

44

Read Talk Think

At the Hearth of the Crossed Races

by Melinda Marie Jetteacute Marie

Equi Radical Politics and Outlaw

Passionsby Michael Helquist Landfallby Ellen Urbani

Portlandness A Cultural Atlas by

David Banis and Hunter Shobe People Like Youby Margaret

Malone The Last Love Song by

Tracy Daugherty

46

Croppings

Contemporary Native

Photographers and the Edward

Curtis Legacy Zig Jackson

Wendy Red Star Will Wilson at

Portland Art Museum

3 FallWinter 2015

27

So to Speak

by l a i l a l a l a miMoving between languages to

find a voice

31

Getting Out

by loretta stinson

A shift in perspective helps a

woman move on for good

36

All the Same Ocean

by ja so n a ri a s

Finding the horizon in a life

rocked with waves

P H O T O B Y I N T

I S A R A B I O T O

Features Move

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 448

Oregon Humanities4

This issuersquos cover ldquoIn Search of Tomor-

rowrdquo is by photographer Minh Carrico from

Edmonds Washington

If yoursquore an artist and have work that we

might consider for the Spring 2016 issue

on the theme ldquoRootrdquo wersquod love to know

about it Please familiarize yourself with our

publication (back issues viewable online at

oregonhumanitiesorg) then send us the

following by February 22 2016

bull A high-resolution digital image (300 dpi at

8rdquo x 10rdquo scans or photographs JPEG or

TIFF)

bull Your name the title of the work the type

of media as well as contact information

(email and phone number)

bull Description of the relationship of the

image to the theme

Please consider the constraints of a

magazine cover (eg vertical orientation

nameplate and cover lines) We are most

interested in works by Oregon-based artists

Submissions can be sent to

artoregonhumanitiesorg or by post

to Oregon Humanities magazine

921 SW Washington St Suite 150 Portland

OR 97205

Objects in Motion

T H E L A S T TIME I S A W MY DA D O N TH E MA INL A ND

was when he and my stepmom were ta ki ng a cruise to

Alaska from Seat tle My husba nd and kid s and I drove up to

spend some time with them before their ship left Traversing

the hilly downtown streets it was obvious that my dadrsquos Par-

kinsonrsquos was progressing as that disease does While my young

children zigzagged up and down the sidewalksmdashpeeling off to

climb sculptures steps and plantersmdashmy dad shuffled behind

using their side trips to rest and catch his breath and crack a joke

My stepmom fretted that he didnrsquot want to use a walker or a

wheelchai r which would make the going easier Though it wasdifficult to see him struggle against his new physical limita-

tions I understood why he stubbornly did so his identity has

always been grounded in his bodymdashas a soldier a police officer

an athlete

In his pre-Parkinsonrsquos life he was six-foot-one and two

hundred pounds On the days he picked me up from elemen-

tary school fresh off the day shift hersquod unfold himself from

his patrol car and loom above us formidable in his dark blue

uniform The kidsmdashsmall and weary from a day of jostling for

knowledge and power and allegiancesmdashlooked up to him mar-

veled at him feared him Later at home he would cha nge into a

t-shirt and be the easygoing father I adored the one whorsquod letme draw on his long brown arms and legs when I was bored the

one whorsquod warm up tomato soup and cockta il wieners and call

it dinner I remember him being playful and relaxed with me

even in those days when he and my mother were going through

a painful divorce

That afternoon in Seattle we stopped to rest in my par-

entsrsquo hotel room My son continued his antics climbing on and

touching everything he could My husband and I grimaced and

scolded hustling around the small room t rying to prevent dam-

age My dad rested in an armchair jovially remarking on how

many years of trouble we had in front of us

A couple of week s ago my stepmom called to say t hey were

talking to a gerontologist and putting together end-of-life

plans She and I consulted in a strangely businesslike fashion

about my dadrsquos do-not-resuscitate requests she wa rned me

that she needed me to stick to the plan if she in that future

moment vacillated I a ssured her I would hold steady even as

I wondered if I could

When my dad got on the phone I asked him how things were

going He made light as he always does except when we talked

about importa nt things like money bad weather and sports He

joked about how my stepmom wasnrsquot letti ng him eat foods heliked about how she was a bully making him stick to his physi-

cal therapy regimen He sounded like the dad of my youth

Earlier this fall a friend reminded me that the word iner-

tia didnrsquot mean only what I thought it meant Irsquod been think-

ing about it exclusively as meaning immobile Irsquod forgotten the

other definition from high school physics class ldquothe tendency

of objects to keep moving in a straight line at constant velocityrdquo

Though either definition describes the life I sometimes live Irsquom

not sure which should bother me more being stuck or being on

a track resistant to cha nging course or speed

On the phone with my dad I pushed a little asking pointedly

about the meetings w ith the gerontologist and he simply saidldquoItrsquos hardrdquo His voice quavered a bitmdashthe Parkinsonrsquos This day

This life Those t wo words seemed loaded with weariness and

resignation

Then he quickly reverted to teasing saying loudly that my

stepmom and his gerontologist were ganging up on him I heard

laughter in the background and he shifted topics asking about

the kids I mentioned that Emmett was doing well in soccer and

basketball he expressed no surprise chuckling about my sonrsquos

activity in Seattle We laughed We joked We were back on track

kathleen holt Editor

kholtoregonhumanitiesorg

Editorrsquos Note

Cover Art Ideas for ldquoRootrdquo

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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5 FallWinter 2015

You fundYou fund The Trust We in turn fund the strummers writers

cloud dancers and dreamers who make Oregon Oregon

DOUBLE the impact of your favorite cultural donation for FREE

1) Donate to your favorite organization(s) 2) If theyrsquore one of

our 1400 cultural nonprofits donate that same amount to the

Cultural Trust 3) Take that same amount off your state taxes

Easy Learn more and donate at CulturalTrustorg

DONATE$ TO AN ORG

FUELOREGONCULTURE

$ TO THE TRUST

AND GET THE

SAME $ BACK

DONATE+ =

IN TWANG WE TRUST

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 648

Oregon Humanities6

HUMA NITIES ACROSS OREGON

Field Work

Donnell Alexander leads a

conversat ion about hip hop on

the stage of Portland Playhousersquos

production of How We Got On

How We Got OnOregon Humanities and Portland Playhouse

partner for an evening of hip hop and

conversation

O N E E V E N I N G I N O C T O B E R P O R T -

land Playhousersquos stage was set not for the

production of How We Got On by Idris Goodwin

which opened at the end of September but for

a conversation about local hip hop culture rap

music and how musicians break into the scene

A s more than sixty peoplemdashincluding a

couple of groups of teens and adults of all

agesmdashfound their seats around the stage DJ Verbz set the tone of the evening with a mix of

local hip hop music

ldquoHow We Got On A Hip Hop Conversationrdquo

wa s org an iz ed by Oregon Hum an ities and

Portland Playhouse to bring residents

together to talk about some of the themes and

ideas presented in the play How We G ot On

One of Portland Playhousersquos goals says Artis-

tic Director Brian Weaver is to engage audi-

ences beyond traditional theater talk-backs

Donnell Alexander who leads an Oregon

Humanities Conversation Project called

ldquoNorthwest Mixtape Hip Hop Culture and

Influencesrdquo facilitated the conversation and

designed the eveningrsquos program While plan-

ning the event he brought on Verbz and up-and-coming Portland rapper Glenn Waco who

performed a short set The cast of How We Got

K I M O

A N H N G U Y E N

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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7 FallWinter 20157

Want to keepup with thehumanities inOregon

bull Visit oregonhumanitiesorg

to sign up for our monthly

enewsletter

bull Like us on Facebook

bull Follow us on Twitter

On also performed a scene from the play

W ha t st art ed as a conv er sati on ab out

what makes Por tland hip hop unique evolved

into a discussion that touched on everything

from redliningmdashthe practice of denying mort-

gages to people who live in certai n areas based

on the racial makeup of those areasmdashto the

Telecommunications Act of 1996 to what itrsquos

like to be an artistmdashparticularly an artist of

colormdashin Portland

Ithica Tell an actress who performs the

role of the Selector in How We Got On talked

about the difficulty of seeing hip hop music

thrive in the Northwest while the black cul-

ture that created it is rejected ldquoItrsquos hard

for black culture and communities to take

root when theyrsquore not nurturedrdquo she saidreferencing an 1857 exclusion clause in

Oregonrsquos constitution that prohibited black

people from living in t he state and that wasnrsquot

repealed until 1926

Alexander who is relati vely new to Port-

land was excited by the opportunity to have

people in a room talking about a topic hersquos

passionate about and one thatmdashespecially

when it comes to the Pacific Nor thwestmdashhersquos

still learning about himself ldquoIn this age of

the Internet we all think we know every-

thing but we donrsquot Itrsquos a living historyrdquo hesaid ldquoItrsquos important that we understand our

environment and the way we start to do that

is by talking to each otherrdquo

ELOISE HOLLAND

Pints and PulitzersThink amp Drink 2016 brings Pulitzer Prize

winners to Oregon

OR E G O N H U M A N I T I E S rsquo T H I N K amp

Drink series will feature Pulitzer Prize

winners and fina lists in eight events around

Oregon in 2016 Conversations with four

renowned writers will take place in Portland

Astoria Bend and Eugene

Think amp Drink which sparks provoca-

tive conversations about big ideas began as a

happy-hour event at a Portland bar in 2009

Alt hough it has since grow n t o fi ll larger ven-

ues the series remains more intimate and

casual than traditional lecture programs

Past guests include Cheryl Strayed UrsulaK Le Guin and Barry Lopez While Oregon

Humanities has presented individual Think

amp Drink events outside of Portland this is

the first time the series will feature the same

guests in multiple communities

The 2016 Think amp Drink series will feature

appearances by novelist Laila Lalami in Port-

land and Bend (read her essay on page 27) jour-

nalist and novelist Heacutector Tobar in Portland

and Eugene journalist and historian Isabel

Wil kerson in Portland a nd Astoria a nd jour-nalist Katherine Boo in Portland

Think amp Drink 2016 is made possible by a

Alberta Rose Theatre 3000 NE Alberta St Portland

700ndash830 pm Doors at 600 pm

Minors with parent or guardian

Series tickets ($50$100) available now at

oregonhumanitiesorg

Think amp Drink

2016A Special Pulitzer Prize Series

FEBRUARY 16

Laila Lalami author of The Moorrsquos Account

February 17 in Bend

APRIL 19

Heacutector Tobar author of Deep Down Dark

The Untold Stories of 33 Men Buried in

a Chilean Mine and the Miracle That Set

Them Free

April 20 in Eugene

JULY 20

Isabel Wilkerson author of The Warmth of

Other Suns The Epic Story of Americarsquos

Great Migration

July 21 in Astoria

OCTOBER 19

Katherine Boo author of Behind the Beautiful

Forevers Life Death and Hope in a

Mumbai Undercity

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities8

T H I N K amp D R I N K R E T U R N S

Oregon Humanitiesrsquo Think amp Drink

returns in 2016 engaging the public to

think and talk about big ideas Thanks

to support from the Pulitzer Centennial

Campfires Initiative this yearrsquos series

wi ll bri ng Pu lit zer Pr ize wi nne rs and

finalists to Portland Astoria Bend and

Eugene The speakers include Laila Lal-

ami Heacutector Tobar Isabel Wilkerson and

Katherine Boo See p 7 for more details

about the series

D E A R S T R A N G E R M O V E D E A R

Stranger OHrsquos letter-writing project

invites Oregonians to write a personal

letter to someone theyrsquove never met

and receive a letter in exchange To par-

ticipate write a letter inspired by thetheme ldquoMoverdquo and send it along with a

self-addressed stamped envelope and a

signed release form to Dear Stranger co

Oregon Humanities 921 SW Washington

St Suite 150 Portland Oregon 97205

Letters must be mailed by January 22

2016 to be exchanged Visit oregonhu-

manitiesorg for complete guidelines and

to download a release form

H O S T A C O N V E R S A T I O N P R O J E C T

Oregon nonprofits and community

groups can apply until January 31 2016

to host Conversation Project discussions

in the spring and summer Visit oregon-

humanitiesorg for more information

and look out for the application window

for 2016ndash17 conversation leaders open-

ing in January

W E L C O M E N E W B O A R D M E M B E ROregon Humanities is pleased to

announce the election of Shannon Mara

to the board of directors this September

Mara has worked in business manage-

ment and consulting in Oregon since

1994 She works with Volunteers in Medi-

cine and Sudara Corp and also serves on

the boards of directors for Opportunity

Knocks and 1859 Media LLC

N E H C E L E B R A T E S F I F T Y Y E A R S

The National Endowment for the

Humanities one of the largest funders

of humanities programs in the country

makes Oregon Humanitiesrsquo work pos-

sible This year the NEH celebrates fifty

years of achievement Since its inception

in 1965 the organization has awarded

63000 grants totaling $53 billion in

order to strengthen teaching research

and lifelong learning around the nation

Oregon Humanities News

$30000 grant from the Pu litzer Prize Centen-

nial Campfires Initiative a $15 million effort

to generate conversations across the country

about the impact of journalism and humanities

on our lives in observation of the hundredth

presentation of the annual awards The Pulit-

zer Prizes established by newspaper publisher

Joseph Pulitzer in his will recognize excel-

lence in journalism letters and music

Season tickets to the Portland events which

will take place at the Alberta Rose Theatre are

available now at albertarosetheatrecom Tick-

ets for events outside of Portland will be avail-

able through local venues

BEN WATERHOUSE

Power and PlaceOregon Humanities launches a project to

explore land loss by communities of color

A F T E R R E C E I V I N G A N O V E R W H E L M -

ingly enthusiastic response to the video

Future Portland Kathleen Holtmdashwho coordi-

nated the production of the video for Oregon

Humanitiesmdashknew there were more stories

like this one that needed telling The video

which wa s made by ma gazi ne contr ibutor

Ifanyi Bell and Brushfire Creative Partners

tells the story of loss and hope in Portlandrsquos

black communities It was powerful Holt says

because it showed the effects of displacement

on people and how that experience feels

Inspired by the impact the video had on

Oregonians Oregon Humanities is launch-

ing a new multimedia project that will collect

and connect stories about the loss of lands and

power by communities of color Combining

technology arts and the humanities the proj-

ect will culminate in a website featuring videos

photos maps timelines graphics words and

other content created by artists and writers of

color to express Oregonrsquos stories of land and

power loss as well as peoplersquos responses to this

loss including thriving and resistance

Holt says the goal of this undertak ing is toshare with Oregonians the sometimes hidden

histories and contributions of communities

of color ldquoItrsquos important for citizens t o under-

stand how the world takes shape around us

Once we have that awareness we can take

steps to change and improve our communityrdquo

she says By creating a space to express many

different stories side by side Oregon Human-

ities aims to help build a broader understand-

ing of how policies and legislation influence

systems of power and landownership in Ore-

gonrsquos past a nd present

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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9 FallWinter 2015

Joaquin LopezThis project which is made possible by a

$110000 grant from the Creative Heights Ini-

tiative of the Oregon Community Foundation

wi ll create a place for ar tis ts and writer s of

color to share their work and will invite more

stories Holt says ldquoThis project is just the

beginning We hope to create a place for these

kinds of stories to live and be shared By set-

ting up this place other stories will come to usrdquo

The website is expected to launch in January

2017 To watch Future Portland visit oregon-

humanitiesorg

JULIA WITHERS

The Power of Story

Idea Lab guest inspires students to find meaningin stories

W H E N M U S I C I A N A N D C O M M U N I T Y

advocate Joaquin Lopez is able to con-

vince yout h that they have the power to make

their own lives meaningful he says ldquothey

become the owners of their own experiencerdquo

This summer Lopez shared his story with 120

rising high school seniors from around the

state at Oregon Humanitiesrsquo Idea Lab Sum-

mer Institute

A Partnership to Promote PublicConversation Around Palliative Care

The Cambia Health Foundation is proud to partner with Oregon Humanities to

help communities across Oregon talk about what maers most

Learn more at oregonhumanitiesorg

R U S S E L L

J Y O U N G

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities10

FundersKeep OregonListeningLearning andExploring

Thanks to the support of

our generous funders

Oregon Humanities

brings tens of thousands

of Oregonians togethermdash

face-to-face online and

on the pagemdashto talk

listen and learn from one

another The following

funders have recently

offered support to make

Oregon a more dynamic

and vital place to live

bull The Oregon Community

Foundation $110000

Creative Heights grant

to pursue a multimedia

project that explores land

loss by communities of

color in Oregon

bull The Maybelle Clark

Macdonald Fund

$20000 for matching

new and increased dona-tions over the last year

bull The Rose E Tucker

Charitable Trust $6500

for Conversation Project

bull Emily Georges Gott-

fried Fund $2000 for a

pilot project training high

school students to lead

community conversations

bull Union Bank of California

Foundation $2000 for

Humanity in Perspective

Idea Lab is a three-day program that brings

Oregon teachers and high school juniors

together to explore the pursuit of happiness

and how it shapes our world Students from

diverse communities and economic back-

grounds engage with big ideas through work-

shops lectures films and conversations This

year the weekend concluded with a special pre-

sentation by Lopez

Incorporating personal narrative lecture

and Latin American folk music into his perfor-

mance Lopez focused on the power of stories

to connect people to history themselves and

the world Lopez shared with Idea Lab students

how he came to terms with his ow n identity as

a queer Latino man by realizing that hersquos the

author of his own story and the creator of his

own happiness Students gave Lopez a stand-

ing ovation they appreciated his honesty

openness and confidence Courtney Ford astudent from De La Salle North Catholic High

School commented ldquoHe left the audience with

ldquoAt Idea Lab I learned to see

the world not just as what it was

but as what it could berdquomdashMark Delgado Oregon Humanities Idea Lab alumnus (2010) and counselor (2015)

Help more Oregonians connect to life-changing ideas

Visit giveguideorgoregonhumanities to make a gift

through the Willamette Week rsquos 2015 GiveGuide

inspiration to truly be themselvesrdquo

Lopez believes in the potential of the

humanities to engage and empower people In

his work with youth at the Latino Networkmdash

a nonprofit with locations in Portland and

Gresham that promotes social change by unit-

ing the Latino communitymdashLopez manages

Studio Latino an after-school program that

focuses on Latin American arts and culture

The program was piloted last spring and this

year it will enter Reynolds High School in

Troutdale Gresham High School and Alder

Elementary in Portland Lopez works to incor-

porate themes of perseverance personal char-

acter and cultural identity into the program so

that students can bring those values with them

beyond high school

For Lopez creating spaces where youth can

be themselves and connect with each other is

a powerful way to make change ldquoStories havethe capacity to heal they remind us that we are

all in this togetherrdquo

JULIA WITHERS

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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11 FallWinter 2015 FROM THE DIRECTOR

W H E N I W A S FIVE A ND L IVING IN A

small Minnesota city my fatherrsquos par-

ents visited from New York On Sunday morn-

ing we went as usual to Perkins where I did

what my parents had prepared me to do I asked

for pancakes but no bacon With enthusiasm

and pride I told my grandparentsmdashMoshe and

Lottie to most people Saba and Sabtah to memdash

that because they were there I was only having

pancakes no bacon

Two decades later I went to visit the fam-

ily of the woman who is now my wife While

most of the family ate snappy cheese and corn

pudding inside the Millersburg Kentucky

home my wifersquos fatherrsquos mother asked me on

the back porch what my belief was about Jesus

Christ She listened to the first tepid sentence

of my response and thanked me and walked

into the kitchen to urge her granddaughter to

be careful

A few years ago I went with my wife and

kids to the funeral of my wifersquos motherrsquos third

husband in a Southern Baptist church in a

small town in South Carolina In a departurefrom the churchrsquos usual practice a well-

known local musician sang ldquoImaginerdquo Two

of the three eulogies were delivered from the

altar by gay men When the preacher led us in

prayer and song my kids and I and I think my

wife were silent We knew neither the words

nor the tune

My kids now ten and eight tell people who

ask that they are both Christian and Jewish I

suspect my grandparents and my wifersquos grand-

parents would have said they are neither

I donrsquot think my kids know that they are a

thoroughly contemporary diluted amalgam

of Presbyterian Southern Baptist and Jew

Therersquos Scotch-Irish and English and Lithu-

anian and Polish in there Therersquos Kentucky

and Alabama and New York and Israel and

Minnesota and Chicago Therersquos other stuff

too They see themselves as OregoniansIn a short essay thatrsquos been on my mind re-

cently the author Toureacute thinks through how

he will raise children with his soon-to-be wife

He writes that it will be his job not hers to

bring blackness into the home He tries in his

essay to figure out what that could mean but

he seems certain that the job belongs to him

Earlier this fall at the Confederated Tribes

of Grand Rondersquos Third Annual History and

Culture Summit there was a good deal of

attention to cultural inheritancemdashwhat we

receive and what we pass on Several peoplespoke of thinking seven generations back and

seven generations forward I canrsquot go back four

and find the looking forward even hardermdashand

there we were thinking about this at just the

third-annual summit an old culture becoming

new again

This summit got me thinking about how

the more pressure your culture is undermdashthe

more persecution and threat it suffersmdashthe

more likely you may be to think carefully about

preserving it recognizing it passing it on

One thing thatrsquos been passed on to me is

an undiluted commitment to questions This

time of year with the holidays and their vari-

ous rituals upon us my big question is about

what Toureacute calls his job

Merry or happy or bountiful or blessed

whatever everyone and also this what of

what yoursquove received do you want to pass on

What would you be fine leaving behind And

what can you do to transmit the good stuff

inherited or acquired later seven generations

hence

What We Pass On

A DA M DAV IS

K I M N

G U Y E N

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 1248

Oregon Humanities12

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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13 FallWinter 2015 Move

Whose StateIs This

Legal measures targeting LatinoOregonians reflect fears of change

I N TH E A U TU MN O F 1 980 TE R E S A A L O NS O L E O NrsquoS FA TH E R DE C IDE D TO TA KE A

rare day off from working in the fields near Clackamas to bring his daughters to what he thought

was a publ ic pa rk Alonso Leon who was five and her sister played catch their feet crunchingfallen leaves as they ran across the grass Then a car pulled up The driver got out and shouted at

Alonso Leonrsquos father The man spoke in English but her father spoke only SpanishmdashAlonso Leon

too They had only recently arrived from the southern state of Michoacaacuten Mexico to their new

home in Oregon The man grew more agitated gesturing and raising his voice until her father

gathered the girls and left

ldquoIt was a golf course or someplace people didnrsquot want kids playingrdquo Alonso Leon who is now

forty-one recalls ldquoMy father couldnrsquot read the signs and we had no idea what the man was saying

But the way the man spoke to my father that just stuck with merdquo

Alonso Leonrsquos fami ly are modern-day Movers people who made Oregon their destination of

hope for prosperity renewal and survival But her family would not have fit the original ideal

Movers was the nineteenth-century nickname for settlers who drove west in covered wagons

ldquoRestlessness was their dominant traitrdquo historian Malcolm Clark Jr wrote in his 1981 book Eden

Seekers ldquoThe gene of it was passed from father to son as a part of the act of procreation The fron-

tier was constantly reproducing itselfrdquo

For centuries the new Oregonians worked to make sure the reproducing gene was white W hen

it won statehood in 1859 Oregon was part of the anti-slavery Northmdashif only because its constitu-

tion excluded blacks from living within the statersquos borders (The provision wasnrsquot removed until

1926) Native tribes were shuffled to reservations and Chinese workers were attacked by white

residents in Oregon City La Grande and several other communities

The twentieth-century brought more hostility In 1920 state law required non-English news-

papers to print English translations Portlandrsquos black population swelled when the cityrsquos ship-

yards expanded during World War II and city leaders segregated African Americans in North

and Northeast Portland neighborhoods and nearby Vanport a slapdash public housing project ina floodplain near the Columbia River The state didnrsquot outlaw discrimination in housing restau-

rants hotels and other accommodations until the 1950s

BRENT WALTH

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities14

Oregon can no longer look in a mirror and see a bleached face

staring back In 1980 the first year the first year the CensusBureau included ldquoHispanicrdquo as a n ethnic category fewer than 7

percent of people in the state identified themselves as anything

other than ldquowhiterdquo Now according to the most recent Census

numbers nearly one quarter identify a s something other than

ldquowhite alonerdquo

The definition of what it means to be an Oregonian has

shifted as the state has seen immigrants from Asia Eastern

Europe and Africa The biggest shift has been in the statersquos

Latino population which has grown five times faster than the

state as a whole According to the Census 125 percent of the

population now identifies as Hi spanic or Latino Several cities

now count Latinos as the majority

One of those cities is Woodburn a Marion County town of

24000 where Alonso Leon now serves as a member of the city

council and where an acceptance of languages other than Eng-

lish has helped the community deal with change ldquoIf you donrsquot

have that you instead have misunderstanding and mispercep-

tions about other peoplerdquo Alonso Leon says ldquoWersquore not sitting

down together often enough as it isrdquo

Oregon has become a state of many languages But a small

effective and (many say) xenophobic group is pushing to put

a measure on the 2016 ballot that would declare English as the

statersquos official language Oregonians will need to decide if fear will divide the state over race ethnicity and how we talk to each

other

JIM LUDWICK SEES A DAY WHEN AMERICANS WILL BE

expected to speak both English and Spanish It worries him

ldquoBeing a bilingual country is breaking down people accord-

ing to where they came from rather than encouraging everyone

to be unitedrdquo Ludwick says ldquoItrsquos a tragedy waiting to happenrdquo

Ludwick a retired pharmaceuticals salesman from McMin-

nville is cofounder of Oregonians for Immigration Reform

which is pushing the Engl ish-only measure Since its found-

ing in 2000 the group has argued that the federal govern-

mentrsquos failure to enforce immigration laws has wreaked havoc

on the country The g roup opposes any government privileges

for undocumented residents including schools and health

care Oregonians for Immigration Reform he says favors the

deportation of anyone the government discovers is living in the

country illegally That includes the estimated 120000 undocu-

mented people living in Oregonmdasha number thatrsquos actually fallen

in recent years ldquoThis country was founded on the rule of lawrdquoLudwick says ldquoWersquore now seeing people openly violating our

immigration laws while try ing to impose new laws on usrdquo

For years Oregonians for Immigration Reform wasnrsquot taken

seriously in Salem or seen as a political threat Its leadersrsquo ten-

dency to broadbrush Latinos leaves many people uncomfort-

able When asked about immigration for example Ludwick

steers the conversation to ldquoillegalsrdquo stealing Social Security

numbers Mexicans run ning drugs a nd undocumented resi-

dents committing other crimes

The Southern Poverty Law Center a Montgomery Ala-

bamandashbased watchdog on issues of discrimination maintains a

nationwide list of ldquonativist extremistrdquo groups it says go beyondadvocating on immigration policy to targeting immigrants

themselves Oregonians for Immigration Reform is one of nine-

teen groups on the organizationrsquos nationwide list

Ludwick says this characterization of his group is unfair ldquoIf

I even question our immigration policies then Irsquom a racistrdquo he

says ldquoThatrsquos not it at all I want the United States to be a great

country that welcomes people from all over as we always have

But itrsquos foolish to think it will be i f we continue with our immi-

gration policiesrdquo

The grouprsquos status as an outsidermdashand its leaderrsquos view of its

place in Oregon politicsmdashchanged in 2014

Oregon once had relatively lax laws when it came to granting

driversrsquo licenses Starting in 2008 the state legislature required

proof of citizenship or legal residency such as a Social Security

number or other papers Latino groups (long courted by the

Democrats who run Salem) spent the next five years pushing

to overturn the law They succeeded in 2013 when lawmakers

established a ldquodriverrsquos cardrdquo for residents who could not prove

they were in the country legally

Oregonians for Immigration Reform fought the new law by

gathering the 58000 signatures needed to put the question on

the November 2014 ballot A ldquoyesrdquo vote would uphold the leg-

islaturersquos actions Backers including some farm groups saidthe measure was practical and compassionate But the mea-

sure became a proxy for frustration about the nationrsquos broken

The definition of what

it means to be anOregonian has shiftedas the state has seenimmigrants from AsiaEastern Europe and Africa The biggest shifthas been in the statersquos

Latino population which has grown fivetimes faster than thestate as a whole

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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15 FallWinter 2015 Move

immigration system and Oregon voters crushed the measure

two to one

The victory Ludwick says shows Oregonians agree with his

grouprsquos views that immigration is out of control and that the gov-

ernment should not be rewarding people who are here illegally

He says much of the country is with his groupmdashand the suc-

cess of Republican presidential candidate Donald Trumprsquos

rhetoric about immigrants is proof When he announced his

candidacy in June 2015 Trump said Mexico was dumping drug

dealers and rapists into the United States ldquoAnd some I assumerdquo

Trump added ldquoare good peoplerdquo

ldquoWhen he did thatrdquo Ludwick says ldquohe shot right up in the

polls He chose to talk about immigration because hersquos a guy who

likes leverage He knows thatrsquos a subject that appeals to regular

Americansrdquo

O R E GO N S A W ITS L A TINO P O P U L A TIO N GR O W A FTE R World War II when the United States opened its borders to bra-

ceros guest workers from Mexico who labored in the fields The

program ended in the mid-1960s but the statersquos farmers were

by then dependent on migrant workers United Farm Workers

(UFW ) leader Cesar Chavez often brought his protests to Ore-

gon denouncing the low wages unsafe conditions and abysmal

housing for many of the statersquos estimated 40000 migrant work-

ers half of whom took seasonal jobs in the Willamette Valley

The UFWrsquos actions sparked backlash against Latinos in

many places but Oregon turned away from a cultural battle In

1971 the Republican-controlled legislature passed a bill to stop

farmworkers from organizing They put intense pressure onthen-Governor Tom McCallmdasha fellow Republican who grew up

in a ranching familymdashto sign it McCall nearly did but protests

and vigils against the bill moved him (as did Chavezrsquos threats of

boycotts) and it troubled him that the state was about to deny

rights and protections for people who came here to work ldquoHellrdquo

McCall said when the bill-signing deadline approached ldquoIrsquom

going to veto that son of a bitchrdquo And he did Over the years

many migrants stopped moving around and settled in the Wil-

lamette Valley and they beckoned others from their home coun-

tries to join them

Teresa Alonso Leonrsquos family was among those who heard the

call Her parents arrived in Oregon without documentation Her

father left their home in Michoacaacuten in early 1980 and moved

to Clackamas where relatives had told him he could find bet-

ter-paying work than he had in Mexico In Oregon her parents

worked at least two jobs at a ti me often seven days a week For

four years her family lived in a ramshackle house in Gervais

without plumbing They used a n outhouse and hauled in buck-

ets of water filled from a garden hose to cook and clean In the

winter the water stored in the buckets indoors froze

Her parents wanted their children to avoid the life they had

as laborers and for Alonso Leon school was transformative She

quickly saw the need to learn Englishmdashher teachers made herrepeat first grade because she struggled with the new language

But she soon caught up and became the familyrsquos translator

during doctorrsquos visits or meetings at her school

ldquoI had to become the spokesperson for the familyrdquo she says

In 1986 Congress passed an immigration amnesty bill that

offered legal residency to 29 million people Not yet a teenager

Alonso Leon represented her parents as they met the require-

ments to earn legal status gathering work histories from past

employers studying US history and demonstrating basic Eng-

lish skills (Her parents earned legal residency that covered

Alonso Leon She became a US citizen in 2013)

Her family eventually moved to Woodburn where she

attended high school before earning her GED through a pro-

gram at the University of Oregon She went on to graduate from

Wester n Ore gon Uni versity and Portland Stat e University

where she earned a masterrsquos degree in public administration

Alonso Leon has spent most of her career looki ng for ways to

make school more avai lable to low-income students or those who

are the first in their families to attend college At Portland Com-munity College she helped develop a program to guide migrant

students in adjusting to their first year in college Today she

runs the state of Oregonrsquos GED program in the Department of

Community Colleges and Workforce Development which each

year helps 1700 students gain their high-school equivalency

Families like hers have worked here for decades paying ta xes

and working to offer their children better lives And Alonso

Leon worries that Oregon will declare its government recog-

nizes only English

ldquoIt sends the message that as a state wersquore denying that peo-

ple should be able to live here and speak their native languagerdquo

Alonso Leon says ldquo It also sends the message t hat i mmigrantsarrive and reject the language thatrsquos spoken here Thatrsquos not the

case People try to learn English because they wa nt to succeedrdquo

Alonso Leonrsquos parents still struggle with English even a fter

three decades in Oregon Mastering the language she says often

requires education and trainingmdashsomething that her parents

and many other immigra nts have lacked

ldquoMy parents worked two or three jobs at a time at low wages

all these yearsrdquo she says ldquoYou can say to my parents lsquoWhy have

you not done a better job of learning Englishrsquo The answer is

they spent all their time making sure their children were fed

and clothedrdquo

THE MEASUR E SUPPORTED BY OREGONIANS FOR IMMI-

gration Reform would if passed by voters require state and

local governments to conduct business in English Oregon

law already requires that in many cases even though Oregon

is one of nineteen states without a blanket official-language

declaration

But the Oregon measure could go beyond what other states

impose its language suggests that (with some exceptions) it

could become illegal for government agencies to provide com-

munications with the public in languages besides Englishmdash

despite the fact that 15 percent of Oregonians speak a languageother than English at home Portland Public Schools for exam-

ple prints materials for parents in several languagesmdasha practice

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities16

Ludwick says is a waste of money

Ludwick recalls an illustration he saw in a social studies text-

book he had in high school ldquoIt was of this giant cooking potrdquo

he says ldquoPeople from all over the world are jumping inmdashpeople

with sombreros and so on And in the picture Uncle Sam is stir-

ring itmdashstirring the pot the melting pot And the people who had

jumped in earlier are now climbing out dressed like Americans

They had coats and ties onrdquo

ldquoThe point isrdquo he says ldquoit was about assimilation It used to

be you come to America to become an American Not a Hispanic

American New immigrants today donrsquot want to be assimilated

They want to divide themselves off from us while imposing their

cultural beliefs on usrdquo

The threat Ludwick sees is about more than language Itrsquos

about influence and powermdashless about reforming immigration

laws than it is about forcing a cultural norm on Oregonrsquos immi-

grants His grouprsquos attention to Latinos in particular is basedin sheer numbersmdash40 percent of immigrants in Oregon were

born in Mexicomdashbut also on the success of organi zations such

as Causa Oregon to push a political agenda These groups have

had some victories including a 2013 law allowing college tuition

grants for undocumented students who attended Oregon high

schools But the doors of power have not been knocked open

The state has seen only one Latino elected official statewide

(former state schools superintendent Susan Castillo) and only

a handf ul of legislators

What Oregonians for Immigration Reform plays on is fearmdash

the fear of a non-Latino majority losing influence and facing

discrimination for not speaking Spanish In its troubled his-tory Oregon has turned on the ldquootherrdquo foreigners blacks any

faceless group accused of stealing something from the rest of us

including jobs culture andmdashnowmdashlanguage

The last thing Oregon needs is another dark chapter of rac-

ism disguised as nationalistic duty What the state could use

instead is a moment of illumination and courage

Itrsquos happened before in another context A half century ago

Oregon set out to protect its farms and forests by carefully plan-

ning for the rapid population growth that was coming Its lead-

ers (primari ly Governor Tom McCall) engaged in a long often

rending discussion about the need for land-use laws Invective

followedmdashfoes called Oregon a communist state and voters in

many parts of the state would still erase land-use laws from the

books in a hea rtbeat given the chance But it took someone with

guts to cha llenge hardened beliefs and prepare Oregon for the

future

Itrsquos time for another conversation this one about the chang-

ing face of the state Oregonrsquos long history with a whites-only

club running things is ending Imagine seeing a leader in Oregon

brave enough to embrace that futuremdashespecially now that the

nationrsquos political debate is oozing anti-immigrant poison

A future Oregon leader who gets up the nerve to t alk about

the value of a more diverse Oregonmdashand the need to account

for itmdashneed look no further than Woodburn a city that thirty

years ago no one would predict would be a model for cultural

tolerance The town struggled with change as Latino and Rus-

sian immigrants came to the area Today Woodburn proudly

talks of its ldquoLittle Mexicordquo business district The school district

has seen enormous success in graduating students from high

school in large part because of its bilingual approach in theclassroom The city routinely sends out information about the

library parks and water bills in English and Spanish And the

cityrsquos website has a button that allows visitors to translate its

pages into thirty-six lang uages

Alonso Leon says that despite Woodburnrsquos progress the city

has a lot of ground to gain when it comes to making itself open

to everyone She says the city council rarely sees members of the

Latino community appear before it and that the only Spanish

speakers who attend meetings on a regular basis are usually her

parents who like to watch her in action She says the city has

formed a committee to find ways Woodburn can knock down

cultural and language barriers that keep non-English speakersfrom believing they have a role in civic debates

ldquoWe need to do more to make ourselves inviting and avail-

ablerdquo she says ldquoTelling people only English is acceptable in

government runs against the idea that everyone has the right

to be heardrdquo

Alonso Leon won an appointment to city council in 2013 and

must run for her seat this year if she wa nts to keep it Shersquos never

sought public office before and she could appear on the same

election ballot as Trump and the Oregonians for Immigration

Reform measuremdashan irony that isnrsquot lost on her

Alonso Leon expects a campaign wil l test her Shersquod be the

third Latino elected to the council (shersquos the only one serving

there now) and she says she has never been afraid to tell her story

ldquoIf people are asking questions and scrutinizing who I am

that means theyrsquore considering me or someone like merdquo she

says ldquoAnd that in itself is progressrdquo

Brent Walth has been an Oregon journalist since 1984 Hersquos

the former managing editor at Willamette Week and senior

investigative reporter for the Oregonian and author of Fire at

Edenrsquos Gate a biography of Oregon Governor Tom McCall

Hersquos now an assistant professor in the University of Oregon

School of Journalism and Communication

The threat Ludwicksees is about more thanlanguage Itrsquos about

influence and power

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17 FallWinter 2015 Move

Communityin Flux

A long-persecuted people begins to speak out

I N P O R T L A N D T H E C H R I S T M A S O F 1 9 4 4 W A S B I T -

terly cold and blanketed in white It snowed for days and

stayed close to freezing as the New Year approached But Port-

landers were distracted from the unusually cruel weather by

news that Portland Mayor Earl Riley was forcing dozens of

Roma out of the citymdashand by God it was about time the news-papers crowed Although many members of the local Kalderash

community of Roma had been working in the Kaiser shipyard

factories for the US war effort elected officials law enforce-

ment and the media fell over themselves to justify r unning the

Roma out of town

The Oregon Journal reported that encouraged by police the

Romamdashdescribed as ldquothe gaily dressed wanderersrdquomdashasked for

assistance to return to Texas and New Mexico because Portland

was ldquotoo coldrdquo for them Mayor R iley p ersuaded the US Of fice

of Price Administration (OPA) the federal bureau in charge of

rationing to issue special gas rations to the Roma so they could

make the drive south

The Oregonian considered this a ldquonotable featrdquo by the mayor

not only because the OPArsquos rationing of items like gas rubber

sugar and butter was so strict but also because Riley was ldquogetting

rid of at least half the gy psies [who] have been afflicting the cityrdquo

ldquoWe are right proud of our mayorrdquo the paper wrote

This was the same Mayor Riley who is purported to be one of

the most corrupt mayors in Portlandrsquos history Though his office

accused the Roma of using fortune-telling as a front for prostitu-

tion Riley allegedly kept a special safe in City Hall just for the

bribes he collected from these same types of criminal opera-

tions He was neither indicted nor punished despite criticism bythe City Club of Portland instead he amassed a fortune in ille-

gal enterprises over his lifetime Meanwhile the Roma families

LISA LOVING

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Oregon Humanities18

A detective and two policemen

escort two arrested Romani women

from the paddy wagon into the

Police Headquarters building at SW

2nd amp Oak in 1951

in Portland barely got by sometimes using abandoned storefronts as homes

Carol Silvermanmdasha professor of cultural anthropology and folklore at the

University of Oregon who has studied worked with and advocated for Roma

locally and around the world for almost forty yearsmdashsays the group of Roma in

Portland who came to work in the shipyards during the war were turned upon

when the war was over ldquoJust like Rosie the Riveter when women no longer were

needed for welding and [were told they] should go back to the homerdquo Silverman

says ldquoit was perceived that this group of Roma was no longer needed in the cityPerceived as foreign outsiders dangerous [they were] given these gas rations to

drive out of staterdquo

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19 FallWinter 2015 Move

COURTESY THOMAS ROBINSON

Roma in America today are a community in flux Families

still identify their lineages through distinct ethnic communi-

ties sometimes called tribes including the Sinti Romanichal

and Kalderash and these communities tend to blend in with

the mainstream In the Northwest a look through local busi-

ness listings will not reveal any obvious groups or organiza-

tions serving them except a handful of very tight-knit Christian

churches Most Kalderash would prefer to live under the radar

says Silverman for a compelling historical reason almost

everywhere theyrsquove gone Roma people have been oppressed by

both government and society

Originally from India Roma communities are traditionally

nomadic From the fourteenth century until the Romanian

emancipation of 1864 Roma were enslaved and traded by the

local nobility in a large area of southern Romania including

Walachia and Moldovia with the support of church institutions

Roma moved to the Northwest in the largest numbers after1864 with Kalderash families settling in the area between 1880

and 1920 Silverman says ldquoFrom the first time they came to

America there were rules regulating where Roma could live and

where they could settle and even the kind of work they could do

Many cities had anti-fortune-telling edicts fortune-telling poli-

cies on the books Some cities actually still have themrdquo

Accused of being naturally inferior and prone to crime Roma

people in the Northwest have been targeted and harassed by

local law enforcement and negatively depicted in the media In

1906 the Oregonian wrote ldquoThe police allege that the gypsies

have such a penchant for stealing everything that is not nai led

down that it is necessary always to lsquokeep an eye on themrsquordquo Andthe Ashland Daily Tidings in 1916 wrote ldquoTrue to their inborn

instincts the horde of gypsies which passed through Ashland

last Sunday failed to get out of t he country without committing

a serious depredationrdquo

No scholar has studied discrimination against the Roma as

fully as Ian Hancock a University of Texas at Austin professor of

linguistics English and Asian studies who laid out his findings

in a 2007 research paper He writes that despite five special US

Congressional sessions addressing the increase in anti-Romani

hate crimes in Europe and the correlative increase in Romani

asylum seekers to the United States ldquoThere nevertheless remain

laws on the books in various states and counties that continue

to operate against Gypsies Many of these laws a list of which

fills thirty-four pages were inherited from Europe and were

intended to be used against the earlier Gypsy populations in the

United States they have since found new application against

the more recently arrived and more v isible Eastern European

Roma escaping the post-Communist increase in racial violence

in that region many of whom are seeking political asylum hererdquo

But despite the hostility they have traditionally faced

Romani people have also historically been linchpins of their

local economies Silverman says Roma in Europe worked in

metalcraft which t hey applied in the United States to recopperand re-tin household items at the turn of the century ldquoUntil the

1950s before stainless steel in order to have a working kitchen

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Oregon Humanities20

Most Americanshave no idea

that their owngovernment waspersecuting Romapeople at thesame time Romain Europe werebeing murdered inthe Holocaust

you had to have your pots and pans redonerdquo Silverman says ldquoThis was a real

Romani skillrdquo

This skill in metalwork was perfect for the emerging car industry in 1920s

and rsquo30s America ldquoRoma did this kind of service for many many Northwest

Americans and then eventua lly they got i nto t he car sales businessrdquo Silver-

man says The Romarsquos family-based car repair operations competed directly

with corporate auto repair shops offering an alternative to high-dollar services

with the personal attention of a family business So by World War II not only

was Mayor Riley rsquos expulsion of Roma families cruel but it also likely damaged

the local economy

Most Americans have no idea that their own government was persecut-

ing Roma people at the same time Roma in Europe were being murdered in

the Holocaust The Nazis killed an estimated 220000 to 500000 Roma men

women and childrenmdashperhaps 25 percent of the European Roma populationmdash

between 1935 and 1945 Morgan Ahern a SintiRomanichal Roma and founder

of Seattle-based organization Lolo Diklo Romani Against Racism believes

the number of Roma killed may be as high as 15 million ldquoMany [were killed] inconcentration campsrdquo she says ldquobut many more [were] just shot on the roadrdquo

Silverman agrees that the effect of the Holocaustmdashknown to some Roma as

the Porraimos or ldquothe devouringrdquomdashon the Roma has been ldquoa footnote in most

textbooksrdquo and is only starti ng to be examined in Holocaust museums because

of lobbying by Roma and their allies

Also overlooked in the history of Roma in the United States generations of

Roma children taken from their parents and warehoused in foster care systems

because of lifestyle differences and some families say racism Ahern was one

of those children removed from her family and put into foster care after her

parents were deemed unfit to ta ke care of her because they were Romani and

nomadic

Even today many Romani individuals and families lack birth certificatesand marriage certificates making them vulnerable to government officialsrsquo

whims Silverma n says ldquoThings like being fingerprinted havi ng a birth certifi-

cate might mean that your children are going to be taken away These historic

memories are very very very much alive for Romardquo

After generations of abuse a modest tide of Roma are beginning to speak out

about their civil rights and demand fair t reatment including fair accommoda-

tions in trying to obtain legal documentation for family members who were

born in the United States Silverman who is on the board of the nonprofit Voice

of Roma says she was involved in a c ase in Portland in which it was argued that

oral testimony in a birth is equivalent to a birth certificate ldquoWhen people bear

witness to a marriagerdquo Silverman says ldquoit doesnrsquot matter if therersquos no marriage

certificate It could be issued based on hindsight on memoryrdquo

For a community that has for generations avoided keeping their money in

bank accounts and sending their children to public schools social isolation is

giving way to an emerging movement for empowerment

On the East Coast Kalderash filmmaker George Eli produces films about

his family and is currently building a media channel on Roma And at the

University of Texas Hancock who is Romanichal Roma has spent decades

building the Program of Romani Studies and the Romani Arch ives and Docu-

mentation Center

Ahern founded Lolo Diklo which means ldquored scarfrdquo in 1986 along w ith a

fellow teacher at Seattle Central College The grouprsquos purpose is to document

discrimination and persecution of Romani Ahernrsquos fatherrsquos Romanichal fam-ily have lived in the United States since the 1700s and were originally sent from

Ireland by the British government as slaves Her motherrsquos family were Sinti who

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21 FallWinter 2015 Move

No documentsor oral histories

exist showingwhat happened tothe Roma familiesforced out ofPortland in 1944

arrived in the United States in the late 1930s

fleeing the climate in Germany Her maternal

grandmother pretended to be Italian to get into

the country

Over the years Ahern has traveled through-

out the West Coast lecturing about Roma cul-ture and civil rights She works with Romani

organizations across the United States South

America Canada Europe and Spain

Silverman adds that over the past twenty

years many American Roma have become

born-again Christians establishing their own

churches or joining evangelical congregations

Some of these church leaders are emerging as

community spokespeoplemdashsomething very

new for a community that has been persecuted

for so long ldquoThere are Roma who donrsquot want

to be left alone anymore because they are at a

disadvantage when they are left alonerdquo Silver-

man says ldquoThey are being very brave to actu-

ally interact with t he US court systemrdquo

But despite these efforts even today the dis-

crimination that Roma face by revealing their

heritage remains very real ldquoIn their historical

memory interacting with American institu-

tions has often resulted in a form of marginal-

izationrdquo Silverman says

For example Silverman describes ethnic

profiling by police bureaus through what wereknown as ldquobunco squadsrdquo police bureaus in

the South that had ldquoGypsy unitsrdquo to focus on

ldquoGypsy crimerdquo She says ldquoThis is ethnic profiling of crime

assuming that all Roma commit a certain kind of crime and

certain ki nds of crimes are only committed by Romardquo

The racial profiling of Roma people doesnrsquot stop with law

enforcement it is a staple of local news The language used

in Pacific Northwest news coverage in the past ten years to

describe alleged offenders has hardly changed from what was

writ ten in newspapers in the early 1900s

In 2007 a ldquoNight Cabbierdquo column in Willamette Week

sparked outrage ldquoThe Gypsies apparently are no jokerdquo the

unidentified cab driverwriter penned about the apparent rav-

ings of a customer ldquoDespite what we may think she explains to

us that real Gypsies arenrsquot nomadic livestock thieves but in fact

have been living in her neighborhood for decades And theyrsquore

very bad neighborsrdquo

ldquoThis is racist nonsenserdquo a reader responded ldquoInexcusable

for a serious newspaper to print such offensive content about areal livi ng breathing person in the neighborhood on account of

one of his neighbors For all we know this bigoted fool is the bad

neighborrdquo

No documents or oral histories exist showing what happened

to the Roma families forced out of Portland in 1944 Did they

stay in Texas Did they return to the Northwest Did they find

safety Or were they forced on toward some other location And

most important how in the Information Age is it possible that

the Roma experience has been all but forgotten by the main-

stream of society

Silverman holds out hope that organizations such as Voice of

Roma and Lolo Diklo can help Roma keep from getting caught inunfriendly bureaucratic systems as well as provide an opening

for more outreach and understanding The Portland Romani

Festival a one-day celebration featuring food music and infor-

mation on human rights issues affecting Roma people is ten-

tatively scheduled for late spring 2016 The Festival Romani

Facebook page is a fountain of music and cu ltural events par-

ticularly music performances up and down the West Coast

ldquoI think people should become knowledgeable about Romani

history and discrimination in order to combat itrdquo Silverman

says ldquoIt seems to me that while wersquore talking about ethnic a nd

racial diversity we can no longer eliminate a large group that

has suffered prejudice for so many years and continues to suffer

prejudicerdquo

Thanks to Fair Housing Council of Oregon for sharing this

story with Oregon Humanities through its history bus tour

Lisa Loving has reported on civil rights and diversity in

Oregon for more than fifteen years She is a news and

public affairs producer at KBOO Community Radio 907

FM in Portland and the former news editor of the award-

winning African American community newspaper the

Skanner Her new book How to Be a Citizen Journalist will

be released in 2017 by Microcosm Publishing

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities22

Like all places Oregon has a brand an identity that distinguishes

it from other places This identity is a pastiche of characteris-

ticsmdashenvironmental and agricultural urban and rural intrepid and

entrepreneurialmdashthat become a kind of shorthand that rightly or

wrongly insiders and outsiders read to understand what this state

and its people collectively value But how much do we the resi-

dents of this place really know about the systems behind these

things that seem to represent our identity

On the pages that follow we look more closely at just four ofthese cultural identifiers and how they move through their individ-

ual systems coho salmon up the Columbia River past historical

sites trash recyclables reusables and compost from Portland to

other parts of the state and the world bicycles buses and cars

up a busy corridor through a rapidly changing neighborhood and

ideas measures and laws through what is sometimes called the

Oregon System

Thanks to sources at the Confluence Project Death with Dignity Friends of the Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge Heiberg Garbage and

Recycling Metro MIG Northwest Power and Conservation Council Ofce of the Secretary of State Oregon History Project Oregon Legis -

lature Portland Bureau of Transportation TriMet and US Forest Servicersquos Pacific Northwest Research Station for their help with this story

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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23 FallWinter 2015 Move

Salmon up the Columbia RiverAFTER SPENDING sixteen to twenty months at sea a coho

salmon begins her journey up the Columbia and Sandy Rivers

back to her natal spawning grounds This amazing biological phe-

nomenon is also rich with cultural significance and the landmarks

she passes upstream mark the politics and history of her species

1 Salmon were central to the Chinook that once inhabited villages

along the lower Columbia and seining was the most important

method used to catch the fish As runs declined in the early twen-

tieth century white fishermen drove the Chinook off Sand Island

and Peacock Spit two of the most productive seining areas in

the estuary Seining was prohibited by Washington in 1934 and

Oregon in 1948

2 On March 16 1806 Meriwether Lewis drew and described a fish

brought to him at Fort Clatsop ldquoThe white Salmon Trout has

now made itrsquos appearance in the creeks near this place one of

them was brought us today by an Indian who had just taken it with

his gig this is a likness of itrdquo The fish was later classified as coho

salmon Oncorhynchus kisutch

3 In 1866 the brothers George W and William Hume and Andrew

S Hapgood established a salmon cannery at Eagle Cliff

Washington packing 4000 cases their first year In 1895 up to

50 Columbia canneries produced 635000 cases of salmon But

by 1977 the pack was just 2547 cases The last major cannery

on the Columbia closed in 1980

4 On November 5 1805 Lewis and Clark recorded a visit to the

ldquoQuathapotle Nationrdquo one of the largest Chinookan villages the

expedition encountered Today Cathlapotle is an archeological site

and the home of a modern plankhouse which serves as an outdoor

classroom and is used by the Chinook Indian Nation

5 In 2008 Maya Linrsquos sculpture Bird Blind was dedicated The blind

lists 134 plants documented by Lewis and Clark along with one

word on their status today thriving threatened endangered or

extinct Coho are listed as threatened today

6 In 2007 the Marmot Dam part of Portland General Electric hydro-

electric project in the Sandy River basin was removed due to

pressure from conservation groups and rising management costs

Built in 1913 by Portland Railway Light and Power Company the

dam provided hydroelectric power to Portland Today salmon navi-gate a free-flowing river mdashTRM

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Oregon Humanities24

1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every

other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-

cling one of a number of independent haulers

in the Metro region grind their gears uphill

traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food

scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-

board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue

recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in

the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green

roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-

egory recycling compost and yard waste and

garbage

2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly

either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-

gon Recycling System past the airport in East

Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery

facilities (there are a handful in the region)

which then sell the materials based on demand

in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others

in foreign countries such as China

3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable

waste the other trucks head to Metro Central

Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro

South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-

tions in the region Last year almost a half a

million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos

two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins

other company haulers contractors with con-

struction waste and residential customers with

miscellaneous items not picked up through

home collection service At the transfer station

the sorting process begins

4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature

Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-

ogy Organics outside of North Plains about

twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about

twelve miles north of Corvallis

5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household

items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material

in roads

6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader

then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time

is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer

stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a

three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty

no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush

plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo

According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the

garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material

The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is

often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per

minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to

an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the

plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity

powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM

Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland

Waste fromSouthwestPortland

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25 FallWinter 2015 Move

1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in

winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period

in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a

twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source

TriMet)

HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make

every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-

tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed

Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-

age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo

In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin

Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the

new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue

represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even

signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from

the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles

per hour depending on the time of day

The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars

buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic

signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and

emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one

hundred intersections throughout Portland

Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North

Williams today reflects a different wave of development and

demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share

the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to

bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes

to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density

residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG

Traffic on North Williams Avenue

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Oregon Humanities26

Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect

changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-

erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed

law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or

rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already

passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a

referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather

than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-

ers approved this system in 1902

This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an

initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on

a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided

driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal

documentation of US citizenship status

1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three

ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)

Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text

of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall

issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to

provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)

2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-

tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)

3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of

Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative

petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State

Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal

Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)

4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is

certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults

to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88

58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold

of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to

qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-

ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without

requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to

Dec 2013)

5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88

Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor

Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)

6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51

to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails

666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-

croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered

by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed

lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move

(2003)

7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block

saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-

zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the

case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor

General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the

practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The

US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide

law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG

Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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27 FallWinter 2015 Move

SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137

983158983151983145983139983141

N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -

room closet I came across a box of old family photographs

I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color

photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-

ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five

standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie

primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos

hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-

tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against

the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But

the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a

frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat

in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple

of the Sun

A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -

graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one

end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both

L A I L A L A L A M I

Al-Mursquoallaqat

The GoldenOdes of Love

J E N W I C K S T U D I O

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Oregon Humanities28

of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels

science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-

raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to

love books so much perhaps books provided them an education

about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing

from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches

that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-

ing the reign of King Hassan

It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned

to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed

copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from

friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about

whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-

drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new

offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte

which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne

Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others

Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les

petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why

the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion

Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which

the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to

either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan

tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three

Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords

and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo

Of course none of the characters in these books looked or

spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly

all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan

bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their

homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my

own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they

had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary

world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an

alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define

normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like

my country my imagination had been colonized

I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly

the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-

acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the

fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled

my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high

school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes

where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-

yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as

well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father

said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it

was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted

D RISS C H RAI BI

LA

CI VI LISA TIO N

MA M E R E

PAR

ALEXANDRE DUMAS

Taha Hussein

THE

DA YS

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29 FallWinter 2015 Move

When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same

school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum

el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine

At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were

taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled

with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still

the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-

language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from

the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi

al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the

Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese

Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-

moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some

of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved

each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a

classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-

els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan

authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-

tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren

It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read

adult literature on my own and independently from school that

I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-

ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos

La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a

sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin

Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book

that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment

of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read

lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was

as fertile ground for fiction as any other

And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature

nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in

French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after

all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-

latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss

Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was

ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a

particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made

it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I

was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train

in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco

medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-

ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my

hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat

or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-

matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely

be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study

linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in

a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in

an analytica l way

Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in

Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship

to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait

I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and

racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School

of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work

of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went

back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how

often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes

Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in

our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in

formal soireacutees French was de rigueur

Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-

guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles

and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in

English which made me think even more about the relationship

between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a

prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power

an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people

The education I had received had emphasized the importance

of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our

media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the

shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed

in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored

by the French government for free access to books The role of

Every time I went back

to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much

and how often we moved

between French and

Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not

went through life

switching between codes

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Oregon Humanities30

French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a

cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no

longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case

of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should

not be writing at all

I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish

after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried

to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of

me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that

stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have

immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the

native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow

me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred

to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic

languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought

Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my

days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use

English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the

linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh

perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a

child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-

gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the

same story

I have always written because I have always had the urge to

tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided

that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-

thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my

race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-

larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while

the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and

waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had

enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos

phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-

rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat

seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of

others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the

works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s

such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in

the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and

sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing

graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had

always told stories but now I wanted to be heard

This essay was first published in World Literature Today

Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami

Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The

Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The

Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy

Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for

Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016

Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16

and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for

more information and to buy tickets

Writing in French came

at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial

baggage that I no longer

wanted to carry I started

to suffer from a peculiar

case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic

perhaps I should not be

writing at all

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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31 FallWinter 2015 Move

A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good

LORETTA STINSON

I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M

every day after work waiting for Bruce to

get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching

myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me

sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on

from a distance at whatever is happening to

me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie

and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-

kick of the star or I play a supporting role but

I am definitely not the star of this movie The

moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom

just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been

able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed

freak for fifteen years

Sun through the small rectangular win-

dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats

wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in

1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from

the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom

watchi ng my past present a nd future selves

do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental

after another waiting for the next bad thing

to happen and not getting out of the way even

when I see it coming The habit of living in con-

stant fear and the resignation that nothing can

ever change are the glue that holds me in place

This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting

on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on

Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on

hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the

future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who

can only be counted on not to be counted on

In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses

and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about

J U L I A N N A B R I O N

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Oregon Humanities32

detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot

change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-

ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what

the old-timers were saying Needless to say

I didnrsquot

Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go

home and try some new strategy to make Bruce

quit using I once read a book about how sugar

was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding

him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein

diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck

them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat

and beer is a very filling meal in itself When

he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put

in front of him but speed and alcohol are his

drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-

ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never

remembers what he does to me and since he

doesnrsquot remember I have to forget

It be what it be Bruce says about all things

unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color

electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it

be Today I see things clearly for the first time

Today I see myself on this couch waiting for

someone else to do the changing Today I see

that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be

my life until the day he kills me or he dies or

I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been

disappointed too many times Addiction his to

drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove

been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot

see my part until now

My only friend has been telling me for

months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I

have left many times for a day or a week but

Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop

drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs

to me for the first time that this is absurd and a

huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe

itrsquos me who needs to change and not because

that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction

is his business

Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll

be wasted because it was payday and most of

his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-

ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood

alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or

hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how

those will interact with his mood the kind of

day he had and if hersquos eaten

None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for

such a long time that I could Like every person

who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that

if I did all the right things I would figure out a

way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on

his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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33 FallWinter 2015 Move

I worked like some kind of crazy statistician

making up story problems to predict what he

might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job

and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without

eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito

at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos

left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going

to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-

ing home mistakes his second wife for his first

wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out

Please show your work

I have never been able to figure out the rec-

ipe for equilibrium His or mine

Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce

comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not

wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face

slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat

the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says

Itrsquos not really a question but I answer

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him

clearly for the first time I see his addiction in

action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have

nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest

thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can

do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look

at him for too long when hersquos been drinking

kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash

you just back away slowly and try not to piss

him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows

too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how

little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs

to believe because he has to be mad at some-

one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom

just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by

the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about

nothing that it was never my face that pissed

him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He

needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave

to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do

no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a

revelation

He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you

looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on

the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-

spread that covers its stained sagging cush-

ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier

mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore

afraid when hersquos like this and they should be

Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that

hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what

if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities34

dead or at least not living just existing on the

edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story

Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom

suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am

afraid of being killed

I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to

make a home The china teacups that I str ung

together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks

in the window like a mobile The plants my

booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the

sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the

bed my dad and I refinished before I left home

The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday

The fifteen years of history we have together

one year short of half my life tonight not all of

it bad He is no monster just a man struggling

wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to

face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo

He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo

He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo

Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He

screams them at me knowing how in the past

these are the very words that made me cling to

him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go

Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but

this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest

the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about

his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does

Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom

seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man

Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried

to help for his own good right This man Irsquove

tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody

made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when

I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself

Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the

usual responseI know three things tonight Number one

If I stay this will be my life until I die Number

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7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities36

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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37 FallWinter 2015 Move

M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN

he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline

somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and

believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he

turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean

for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees

in rows

My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home

at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York

City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for

rows of buildings

ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says

In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark

skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the

Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n

My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I

met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo

My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too

often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance

of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He

was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister

a year later

My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my

father a suit They seem happy in the picture

Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put

half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband

My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years

My grandmother died

All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a

life rocked with waves

P A I G E

V I C K E R S

JASON ARI AS

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities38

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have

let that slip through thecracksrdquo

My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes

My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why

Grandma was hiding

Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here

To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-

vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where

we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We

have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo

I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened

My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next

closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed

a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time

tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the

process

Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends

Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his

giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist

until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again

We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in

the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-

ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-

lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be

Ama zons)

The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door

I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour

feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean

ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said

We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not

about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same

ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As

kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon

I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower

water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the

high tide after being beached again and again

One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom

decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia

One of my new Olympian friends flicked a

match that started a fire inside my mattress I

tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking

Mom came home and we put the burning

bed outside

This isnrsquot a metaphor

I slept on the floor of my bedroom that

night missing the ocean of Grayland while my

mom and sister shared their bed in the room

next to mine The next morning my mattress

was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-

ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a

popular song on the radio at the time One of us

would start singing the lyrics

How can we dance when our earth is turning

and then wersquod all join in

How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh

But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame

Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-

land That no matter how many times we

were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty

porous flotation device on which to try to

reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe

even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the

way we did as something gia nt and limit less

something to be feared and conquered some-

thing to be moved by

In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a

flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called

my name and the light receded back down the

hall disappearing into the living room and

slipping out the front door

We discovered that the flickering light had

left wax shapes on the carpet of our living

room that could have been bad pentagrams or

the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It

left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot

take any money It left us wondering if some

past boyfriend had found us somehow

Whi le we were out the next day somebody

hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment

door Mom winced at the divots denting the

wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing

mechanism once was with her hand

We left the dishes in the sink

We left no forwarding address

We boarded a bus

Two days later we were on the doorstep of

the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with

a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my

backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase

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39 FallWinter 2015 Move

in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever

received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer

trophies in the other

At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude

who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-

thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been

there were two concave smooth-skinned div-

ots She was always smiling I liked watching

how Jude listened

Before long the four of us moved into an

apartment between Portland and Gresham It

was right on the MAX line and right on the city

line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-

landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign

that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block

to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch

my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but

Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the

perfect space for her She said it was easier for

her to know where everything was in a smaller

environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond

than an ocean

One day Jude brought her new boyfriend

home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo

ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said

Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor

and said ldquo White peoplerdquo

I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was

wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what

ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to

a blind person

Red is the rage in your gut

White is the entrapment of the disabled

One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend

and her room became a closet again

We saw her a little and then not at all

Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to

Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally

almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of

my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday

cards and pictures that were inside it

Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-

day cards away

My wife and I began archiving our new fam-

ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with

the rest of them Our sons grew I became an

uncle My grandfather remarried and went

crazy My mother still has the same smile she

had when I was young

Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a

bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple

of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary

There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help

you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear

Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie

each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out

If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads

directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end

points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably

guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock

between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled

and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long

by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of

human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of

the Mayan calendar

In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and

I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of

the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam

When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-

land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else

ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says

one night while wersquore lying in bed

And I do

I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that

had to happen I listen to our breath

In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I

make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My

finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving

And then the line disappears

And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and

falling together

Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the

Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life

Poems and Stories of the Dead

If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between

Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous

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Oregon Humanities40

READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts

One hundred moves and not one of

them associated with the military

a job or being on the run

The Ledger

Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G

through a yard sale I picked up an old

ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-

ance Company of New York A large thin hard-

bound ledger black with a red spine eleven

inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by

insurance agents to track insurers and their

policies all entries written by hand There was

only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty

cents the rest of the pages were blank After

years of treasuring its antiquity but making

no entries of my own I tore the one used page

out and decided to start tracking al l my moves

before my memory lost track I sat down and

recorded all the moves I remembered over one

hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my

parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them

associated with the military a job or being on

the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-

derlust and exploration then relationships

and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad

landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just

being unable as a single parent to bear the rent

and high heating bills Once my oldest son and

I landed in a decent house that could hold us

indefinitely After three months I was drawn to

cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted

to gather them touch them fill their empti-

ness with our lives When I realized what was

going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in

that house for two years then moved to Hawai i

Now the kids are grown the grandkids are

teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos

no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-

foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a

semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided

me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she

said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo

As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot

out of my feet and sink into the ground I was

so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here

three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot

want to move

What have I lea rned th rough al l these

moves Adaptability being and living in the

now and that there is glory in both staying and

moving but it is much easier and cheaper to

stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland

Out of the Nest

I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E

back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze

tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last

time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex

where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs

Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot

stepped inside the apartment for eight months

To do so would risk my life

ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-

tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February

I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following

weekmdashfor six months

Left behind with Michael were our surro-

gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy

and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned

starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier

It was last October when I first developed

symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-

ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse

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41 FallWinter 2015 Move

This is where the plates layers of crust

crashed into each other in a fiery show

perhaps tens of thousands of years ago

Soon breathing was excruciating I took

shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain

Paralyzing fatigue set in

My endocrinologist suspected chronic

obstructive pulmonary disease which made

little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I

began scouring descriptions of lung conditions

Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity

pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung

Relief and terror flooded in

If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-

monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a

terminal condition in which scarring causes

respiratory failure within three to five years

Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif

caught early But the solution is drastic We

would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-

ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even

be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the

parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would

have a new ending

Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms

lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper

grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-

pice moments before plummeting

Today we are moving the last of our belong-

ings into our first house The kitties and birdies

have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed

While I cannot hold my babies I watch them

on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the

two-way speaker

From rescue feedings to teenage angst to

nighttime vigils during illness in caring for

these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging

from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety

Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey

take their first tentative steps toward flight

Today I learned the most painful lesson let-

ting go

MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene

Subduction Zones

T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK

were on an af ternoon in early Septem-

ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for

the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper

and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our

ankles

Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-

berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend

and is directly responsible for the creation of

Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back

then one that I sometimes imagined looked

like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus

Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of

the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale

their name suggests but the result of plates

shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-

tion led to the formation of the trio This is

where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into

each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-

sands of years ago Subduction zones are places

where great trauma lies

And here I was all these years later in the

shadows of these mountains loss everywhere

Later that day back at our apartment we

walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit

into anymore For more than a year we went

through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern

Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that

followed us Then one day our four-year-old

daughter started a conversation that shook me

ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo

I nodded

ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so

sadrdquo

Six words leapt at me

ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo

We moved back to Ash land where brig ht

red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-

hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot

know it then but we were charting our own

map however imperfect Healing crept up on

us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-

ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew

Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng

up the darkness Seventeen years passed

And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most

folks want to flee helps you see things more

clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in

its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along

VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland

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Oregon Humanities42POSTS

continued from previous page

Just to

underscore

how settled we

planned to be

we unpacked

EverythingEven the

heirloom china

which had never

before left its

boxes We were

here to stay

Dance Church

SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I

go to church Dance church A church

where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers

to recite A church where at first glance outsid-

ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon

arriving I see a few little munchkins running

around with oversize neon headphones on to

protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music

set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with

rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors

There are flowers candles pillow puddles

beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some

kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in

alignment with the morningrsquos intention

As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s

become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-

tainer in which I can move once again after

years of chronic freezing and dissociating A

trapped animal released back into the wild

wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom

in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism

evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with

anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our

spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist

The music awakens the holy spirit within

me and dances me through throngs of people

I am an antelope cut loose checking out the

creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns

bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms

Each stunning in their authentic movement I

see people falling in love with each other from

a distance I see a girl rocking four different

Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed

like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands

ldquopracticing dancingrdquo

This is the church of Miriam the biblical

tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of

years later I move here and I am reunited with

my self my best self my most curious mischie-

vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self

Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten

invited back in the room to whip her hair back

and forth I throw my head back in delight and

laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like

hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form

of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music

EMILY I BEDAL Portland

Again

M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R

upwardly mobile engineer That trans-

lated into at least one move per year until I was

eight and another address for high school I

moved every year in college one year twice I

moved three times during my first stint in Bos-

ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-

ment for the whole two years Then it was back

to Boston where I lived in five different homes

in five years

Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for

the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe

two years back East then back to New Mexico

in two different cities three different homes

Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates

what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo

From Albuquerque we moved to our present

home in Port Orford my thirt ieth

Moving has always been exciting cathar-

tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books

by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally

donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-

ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated

magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets

ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit

thatrsquos never happened In each new house

wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos

never worked

We vowed Port Orford would be our final

ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore

how settled we planned to be we unpacked

Everything Even the heirloom china which

had never before left its boxes We were here

to stay

Except it seems wersquore going to have to move

again but not for the exciting futures wersquod

always envisioned before Now we need doctors

and hospitals and a nearby airport for family

visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is

on the other side of adventure Now we need a

place to feel safe secure

So the sorting and throwing out is about to

begin yet again There are closets and drawers

that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to

dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of

booksmdashto give away This move exciting No

way The very thought of it exhausts me

Still those other feelings cathartic freeing

new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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43 FallWinter 2015 Move

Next theme Root

For the Spring 2016 issue tell

us your stories about rooting

around taking root being

uprooted or root-bound getting

to the root of a problem being

the root of the problem rooting

someone on Share stories and

ideas about beginnings origins

and foundations Analyze a

historical or contemporary

grassroots effort Describe

the tension between staying

put and being stuck Send your

submission (400 words maxi-

mum) by February 15 2016 to

postsoregonhumanitiesorg

Submissions may be edited for

space or clarity

Listen to Your Body

I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y

motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease

Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit

and spot-on timing Though she was confined

to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was

still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her

sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-

cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone

have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but

aching joints diminished strength and a fal-

tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back

Those maladies werenrsquot the result of

chronic disease More like lack of exercise At

some point in the past decade or so I developed

an aversion to any fitness routine That choice

has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo

class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community

Center

Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the

center for the past thirty-six years teaches

the dance-infused workout three days a week

Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at

the core of each class She dispenses praise as

we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform

deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements

and she encourages each of us to breathe and

listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably

youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying

ballet seriously By then her versatility as an

actress singer dancer and comedian had been

evident in community theater productions in

the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although

not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few

years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe

continues to lead a full life She can still stand

and press her palms flat to the floor despite

relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip

notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg

and stretch at the barre

A role model for agi ng wit h presence and

dignity Lynn maintains her considerable

charm and elegance and purposely keeps her

body and mind active Like my mother she

is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has

inspired me to accept what my body can do

today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow

Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for

getting up in the morning And by some mea-

sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE

Portland

Over the Hill

I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D

eleven times in three years I worked spring

through fall as a natural history guide in

Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure

where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned

into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply

moved around A lot With each new tempo-

rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked

clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was

nothing

At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the

person who would become my life partner

another seasonal worker We would move from

Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We

lived one magical off-season on a houseboat

on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the

ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught

me I loved wide-open spaces What could be

wider than the Pacific A fter one more season

of guiding I came back to the coast and decided

to stay

I volunteered my way into one steady job

and eventually landed another at the local

college After a few more seasons my partner

came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota

and we bought another together He built a

business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our

hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and

had a child Wersquod officially settled down

The economic hardships of rural living

however are real job opportunities decline

and can no longer support the life wersquove built

The accumulation of years no longer fits into

the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner

took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast

and we lived as a split family The split was tax-

ing though so we decided to make the move

to the city We left the first community of our

adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven

ourselves The only community our daughter

has even known Friends asked me not to go

Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart

still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the

sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes

at the memory of that moon over Tillamook

Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot

nothingmdashitrsquos every thing

NANCY SLAVIN Portland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities44

Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm

LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015

This intertwined story of two

teenage girls and their mothers

is set in New Orleans during

and after Hurricane Katrina

In her debut novel Urbani an

Oregon writer with Southern

roots brings a maternal touch

to the narrative handling trag-

edy with a careful soulfulness

and love This honest yet brutal

story will simultaneously break

and warm your heart

mdashAnnie Kaffen

At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015

Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French

Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the

Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural

French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-

tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans

and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a

snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland

Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015

Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the

Oregon physician and radicalrsquos

extraordinary experiences

from her early years working in

a textile mill in New Bedford

Massachusetts through her

activist years in Oregon includ-

ing a three-year term at San

Quentin State Prison Equi lived

openly as a lesbian beginning in

the 1890s and was one of the

first practicing female doctors

in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and

compassion for others with a

strong personal belief in social

and economic justice

mdashCarole Shel lhart

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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45 FallWinter 2015 Move

People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015

This debut collection from

Portland writer Margaret

Malone is filled with brief

bitterly funny stories about the

sort of people who tie them-

selves in knots in their heads

and feel uncomfortable in their

own skin and can never quite

bring themselves to say the

words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point

includes all of us

mdashBen Waterhouse

The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015

Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer

The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with

Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research

for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the

first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of

revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced

a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer

in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he

writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo

mdashMaggie Starr

To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for

Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon

Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205

Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe

Sasquatch Books 2015

Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter

Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt

to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography

in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers

a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden

rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance

sounds smells and much more

mdashBen Waterhouse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities46

Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson

February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum

1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg

CROPPINGS

Wendy Red Star Untitled

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4748

Oregon Humanities programs are

funded by the National Endowment

for the Humanities and the Oregon

Cultural Trust and by contributions from

individuals foundations community

organizations and corporations For

more information about Oregon

Humanities or to learn how you can help

more Oregonians get together share

ideas listen think and grow please

contact us at

921 SW Washington Street Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax

(503) 241-0024

ohmoregonhumanitiesorg

oregonhumanitiesorg

Staff

e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r

Adam Davis

facilitation and tra ining manager

Rachel Bernstein

communicationsprogram associate

Eloise Holland

editorassociate director

Kathleen Holt

development director

Kamla Hurst

program officer

Annie Kaffen

office manager

Mikaela Schey

director of finance and oper ations

Carole Shellhart

development associate

Maggie Starr

communications associate

Ben Waterhouse

program coordinator

Kyle Weismann-Yee

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Board of Directorsch a i r

Sona Karentz Andrews Portland

v ic e ch a i r

Janet Webster Newport

tr e a s u r e r

Jeff Cronn Portland

secretary

Matthew Boulay Salem

Paul Duden Portland

Kimberly Howard Portland

Nels Johnson Portland

Emily Karr Portland

Shannon Mara Bend

Win McCormack Portland

Alberto Moreno Portland

Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego

Ron Paul Portland

Denise Reed Astoria

Chantal Strobel Bend

Dave Weich Portland

Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED

Non-profit Org

US Postage

PAID

Permit No 1274

Portland OR

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 248

editor

Kathleen Holt

a rt di r ector s

Jen Wick

Taryn Cowart

a s sis ta n t edit or s

Eloise Holland

Ben Waterhouse

copy editor

Allison Dubinsky

communications

publications intern

Julia Withers

Oregon Humanities (ISSN

2333-5513) is published trian-

nually by Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite

150 Portland Oregon 97205

We welcome letters fromreaders If you would like to

submit a letter for consider-

ation please send it to the

editor at kholtoregon-

humanitiesorg or to the

address listed above Letters

may be edited for space or

clarity

Oregon Humanities is

provided free to Oregonians

To join our mailing list email

ohmoregonhumanities

org visit oregonhumanities

orgmagazine or call our

office at (503) 241-0543 or

(800) 735-0543

Oregon Humanities2

editorial a dvisoryb o a r d

Debra Gwartney

Julia Heydon

Guy Maynard

Win McCormack

Greg Netzer

Camela Raymond

Kate Sage

Rich Wandschneider

Dave Weich

Matt Yurdana

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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12

Whose State Is This

by brent walthLegal measures targeting

Latino Oregonians reflect fears

of change

17

Community in Flux

by lisa loving

A long-persecuted people

begins to speak out

22

This Way through Oregon

by eric gold and tar a

ra e mi ner The flow of salmon waste

traffic and laws

Departments

4

Editorrsquos Note

6

Field Work

Partnership with Portland

Playhouse Pints and

Pulitzers Power and PlaceJoaquin Lopez OH News

Thanks to our funders Talking

about Dying

11

From the Director

40

PostsReaders write about ldquoMoverdquo

44

Read Talk Think

At the Hearth of the Crossed Races

by Melinda Marie Jetteacute Marie

Equi Radical Politics and Outlaw

Passionsby Michael Helquist Landfallby Ellen Urbani

Portlandness A Cultural Atlas by

David Banis and Hunter Shobe People Like Youby Margaret

Malone The Last Love Song by

Tracy Daugherty

46

Croppings

Contemporary Native

Photographers and the Edward

Curtis Legacy Zig Jackson

Wendy Red Star Will Wilson at

Portland Art Museum

3 FallWinter 2015

27

So to Speak

by l a i l a l a l a miMoving between languages to

find a voice

31

Getting Out

by loretta stinson

A shift in perspective helps a

woman move on for good

36

All the Same Ocean

by ja so n a ri a s

Finding the horizon in a life

rocked with waves

P H O T O B Y I N T

I S A R A B I O T O

Features Move

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities4

This issuersquos cover ldquoIn Search of Tomor-

rowrdquo is by photographer Minh Carrico from

Edmonds Washington

If yoursquore an artist and have work that we

might consider for the Spring 2016 issue

on the theme ldquoRootrdquo wersquod love to know

about it Please familiarize yourself with our

publication (back issues viewable online at

oregonhumanitiesorg) then send us the

following by February 22 2016

bull A high-resolution digital image (300 dpi at

8rdquo x 10rdquo scans or photographs JPEG or

TIFF)

bull Your name the title of the work the type

of media as well as contact information

(email and phone number)

bull Description of the relationship of the

image to the theme

Please consider the constraints of a

magazine cover (eg vertical orientation

nameplate and cover lines) We are most

interested in works by Oregon-based artists

Submissions can be sent to

artoregonhumanitiesorg or by post

to Oregon Humanities magazine

921 SW Washington St Suite 150 Portland

OR 97205

Objects in Motion

T H E L A S T TIME I S A W MY DA D O N TH E MA INL A ND

was when he and my stepmom were ta ki ng a cruise to

Alaska from Seat tle My husba nd and kid s and I drove up to

spend some time with them before their ship left Traversing

the hilly downtown streets it was obvious that my dadrsquos Par-

kinsonrsquos was progressing as that disease does While my young

children zigzagged up and down the sidewalksmdashpeeling off to

climb sculptures steps and plantersmdashmy dad shuffled behind

using their side trips to rest and catch his breath and crack a joke

My stepmom fretted that he didnrsquot want to use a walker or a

wheelchai r which would make the going easier Though it wasdifficult to see him struggle against his new physical limita-

tions I understood why he stubbornly did so his identity has

always been grounded in his bodymdashas a soldier a police officer

an athlete

In his pre-Parkinsonrsquos life he was six-foot-one and two

hundred pounds On the days he picked me up from elemen-

tary school fresh off the day shift hersquod unfold himself from

his patrol car and loom above us formidable in his dark blue

uniform The kidsmdashsmall and weary from a day of jostling for

knowledge and power and allegiancesmdashlooked up to him mar-

veled at him feared him Later at home he would cha nge into a

t-shirt and be the easygoing father I adored the one whorsquod letme draw on his long brown arms and legs when I was bored the

one whorsquod warm up tomato soup and cockta il wieners and call

it dinner I remember him being playful and relaxed with me

even in those days when he and my mother were going through

a painful divorce

That afternoon in Seattle we stopped to rest in my par-

entsrsquo hotel room My son continued his antics climbing on and

touching everything he could My husband and I grimaced and

scolded hustling around the small room t rying to prevent dam-

age My dad rested in an armchair jovially remarking on how

many years of trouble we had in front of us

A couple of week s ago my stepmom called to say t hey were

talking to a gerontologist and putting together end-of-life

plans She and I consulted in a strangely businesslike fashion

about my dadrsquos do-not-resuscitate requests she wa rned me

that she needed me to stick to the plan if she in that future

moment vacillated I a ssured her I would hold steady even as

I wondered if I could

When my dad got on the phone I asked him how things were

going He made light as he always does except when we talked

about importa nt things like money bad weather and sports He

joked about how my stepmom wasnrsquot letti ng him eat foods heliked about how she was a bully making him stick to his physi-

cal therapy regimen He sounded like the dad of my youth

Earlier this fall a friend reminded me that the word iner-

tia didnrsquot mean only what I thought it meant Irsquod been think-

ing about it exclusively as meaning immobile Irsquod forgotten the

other definition from high school physics class ldquothe tendency

of objects to keep moving in a straight line at constant velocityrdquo

Though either definition describes the life I sometimes live Irsquom

not sure which should bother me more being stuck or being on

a track resistant to cha nging course or speed

On the phone with my dad I pushed a little asking pointedly

about the meetings w ith the gerontologist and he simply saidldquoItrsquos hardrdquo His voice quavered a bitmdashthe Parkinsonrsquos This day

This life Those t wo words seemed loaded with weariness and

resignation

Then he quickly reverted to teasing saying loudly that my

stepmom and his gerontologist were ganging up on him I heard

laughter in the background and he shifted topics asking about

the kids I mentioned that Emmett was doing well in soccer and

basketball he expressed no surprise chuckling about my sonrsquos

activity in Seattle We laughed We joked We were back on track

kathleen holt Editor

kholtoregonhumanitiesorg

Editorrsquos Note

Cover Art Ideas for ldquoRootrdquo

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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5 FallWinter 2015

You fundYou fund The Trust We in turn fund the strummers writers

cloud dancers and dreamers who make Oregon Oregon

DOUBLE the impact of your favorite cultural donation for FREE

1) Donate to your favorite organization(s) 2) If theyrsquore one of

our 1400 cultural nonprofits donate that same amount to the

Cultural Trust 3) Take that same amount off your state taxes

Easy Learn more and donate at CulturalTrustorg

DONATE$ TO AN ORG

FUELOREGONCULTURE

$ TO THE TRUST

AND GET THE

SAME $ BACK

DONATE+ =

IN TWANG WE TRUST

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities6

HUMA NITIES ACROSS OREGON

Field Work

Donnell Alexander leads a

conversat ion about hip hop on

the stage of Portland Playhousersquos

production of How We Got On

How We Got OnOregon Humanities and Portland Playhouse

partner for an evening of hip hop and

conversation

O N E E V E N I N G I N O C T O B E R P O R T -

land Playhousersquos stage was set not for the

production of How We Got On by Idris Goodwin

which opened at the end of September but for

a conversation about local hip hop culture rap

music and how musicians break into the scene

A s more than sixty peoplemdashincluding a

couple of groups of teens and adults of all

agesmdashfound their seats around the stage DJ Verbz set the tone of the evening with a mix of

local hip hop music

ldquoHow We Got On A Hip Hop Conversationrdquo

wa s org an iz ed by Oregon Hum an ities and

Portland Playhouse to bring residents

together to talk about some of the themes and

ideas presented in the play How We G ot On

One of Portland Playhousersquos goals says Artis-

tic Director Brian Weaver is to engage audi-

ences beyond traditional theater talk-backs

Donnell Alexander who leads an Oregon

Humanities Conversation Project called

ldquoNorthwest Mixtape Hip Hop Culture and

Influencesrdquo facilitated the conversation and

designed the eveningrsquos program While plan-

ning the event he brought on Verbz and up-and-coming Portland rapper Glenn Waco who

performed a short set The cast of How We Got

K I M O

A N H N G U Y E N

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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7 FallWinter 20157

Want to keepup with thehumanities inOregon

bull Visit oregonhumanitiesorg

to sign up for our monthly

enewsletter

bull Like us on Facebook

bull Follow us on Twitter

On also performed a scene from the play

W ha t st art ed as a conv er sati on ab out

what makes Por tland hip hop unique evolved

into a discussion that touched on everything

from redliningmdashthe practice of denying mort-

gages to people who live in certai n areas based

on the racial makeup of those areasmdashto the

Telecommunications Act of 1996 to what itrsquos

like to be an artistmdashparticularly an artist of

colormdashin Portland

Ithica Tell an actress who performs the

role of the Selector in How We Got On talked

about the difficulty of seeing hip hop music

thrive in the Northwest while the black cul-

ture that created it is rejected ldquoItrsquos hard

for black culture and communities to take

root when theyrsquore not nurturedrdquo she saidreferencing an 1857 exclusion clause in

Oregonrsquos constitution that prohibited black

people from living in t he state and that wasnrsquot

repealed until 1926

Alexander who is relati vely new to Port-

land was excited by the opportunity to have

people in a room talking about a topic hersquos

passionate about and one thatmdashespecially

when it comes to the Pacific Nor thwestmdashhersquos

still learning about himself ldquoIn this age of

the Internet we all think we know every-

thing but we donrsquot Itrsquos a living historyrdquo hesaid ldquoItrsquos important that we understand our

environment and the way we start to do that

is by talking to each otherrdquo

ELOISE HOLLAND

Pints and PulitzersThink amp Drink 2016 brings Pulitzer Prize

winners to Oregon

OR E G O N H U M A N I T I E S rsquo T H I N K amp

Drink series will feature Pulitzer Prize

winners and fina lists in eight events around

Oregon in 2016 Conversations with four

renowned writers will take place in Portland

Astoria Bend and Eugene

Think amp Drink which sparks provoca-

tive conversations about big ideas began as a

happy-hour event at a Portland bar in 2009

Alt hough it has since grow n t o fi ll larger ven-

ues the series remains more intimate and

casual than traditional lecture programs

Past guests include Cheryl Strayed UrsulaK Le Guin and Barry Lopez While Oregon

Humanities has presented individual Think

amp Drink events outside of Portland this is

the first time the series will feature the same

guests in multiple communities

The 2016 Think amp Drink series will feature

appearances by novelist Laila Lalami in Port-

land and Bend (read her essay on page 27) jour-

nalist and novelist Heacutector Tobar in Portland

and Eugene journalist and historian Isabel

Wil kerson in Portland a nd Astoria a nd jour-nalist Katherine Boo in Portland

Think amp Drink 2016 is made possible by a

Alberta Rose Theatre 3000 NE Alberta St Portland

700ndash830 pm Doors at 600 pm

Minors with parent or guardian

Series tickets ($50$100) available now at

oregonhumanitiesorg

Think amp Drink

2016A Special Pulitzer Prize Series

FEBRUARY 16

Laila Lalami author of The Moorrsquos Account

February 17 in Bend

APRIL 19

Heacutector Tobar author of Deep Down Dark

The Untold Stories of 33 Men Buried in

a Chilean Mine and the Miracle That Set

Them Free

April 20 in Eugene

JULY 20

Isabel Wilkerson author of The Warmth of

Other Suns The Epic Story of Americarsquos

Great Migration

July 21 in Astoria

OCTOBER 19

Katherine Boo author of Behind the Beautiful

Forevers Life Death and Hope in a

Mumbai Undercity

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities8

T H I N K amp D R I N K R E T U R N S

Oregon Humanitiesrsquo Think amp Drink

returns in 2016 engaging the public to

think and talk about big ideas Thanks

to support from the Pulitzer Centennial

Campfires Initiative this yearrsquos series

wi ll bri ng Pu lit zer Pr ize wi nne rs and

finalists to Portland Astoria Bend and

Eugene The speakers include Laila Lal-

ami Heacutector Tobar Isabel Wilkerson and

Katherine Boo See p 7 for more details

about the series

D E A R S T R A N G E R M O V E D E A R

Stranger OHrsquos letter-writing project

invites Oregonians to write a personal

letter to someone theyrsquove never met

and receive a letter in exchange To par-

ticipate write a letter inspired by thetheme ldquoMoverdquo and send it along with a

self-addressed stamped envelope and a

signed release form to Dear Stranger co

Oregon Humanities 921 SW Washington

St Suite 150 Portland Oregon 97205

Letters must be mailed by January 22

2016 to be exchanged Visit oregonhu-

manitiesorg for complete guidelines and

to download a release form

H O S T A C O N V E R S A T I O N P R O J E C T

Oregon nonprofits and community

groups can apply until January 31 2016

to host Conversation Project discussions

in the spring and summer Visit oregon-

humanitiesorg for more information

and look out for the application window

for 2016ndash17 conversation leaders open-

ing in January

W E L C O M E N E W B O A R D M E M B E ROregon Humanities is pleased to

announce the election of Shannon Mara

to the board of directors this September

Mara has worked in business manage-

ment and consulting in Oregon since

1994 She works with Volunteers in Medi-

cine and Sudara Corp and also serves on

the boards of directors for Opportunity

Knocks and 1859 Media LLC

N E H C E L E B R A T E S F I F T Y Y E A R S

The National Endowment for the

Humanities one of the largest funders

of humanities programs in the country

makes Oregon Humanitiesrsquo work pos-

sible This year the NEH celebrates fifty

years of achievement Since its inception

in 1965 the organization has awarded

63000 grants totaling $53 billion in

order to strengthen teaching research

and lifelong learning around the nation

Oregon Humanities News

$30000 grant from the Pu litzer Prize Centen-

nial Campfires Initiative a $15 million effort

to generate conversations across the country

about the impact of journalism and humanities

on our lives in observation of the hundredth

presentation of the annual awards The Pulit-

zer Prizes established by newspaper publisher

Joseph Pulitzer in his will recognize excel-

lence in journalism letters and music

Season tickets to the Portland events which

will take place at the Alberta Rose Theatre are

available now at albertarosetheatrecom Tick-

ets for events outside of Portland will be avail-

able through local venues

BEN WATERHOUSE

Power and PlaceOregon Humanities launches a project to

explore land loss by communities of color

A F T E R R E C E I V I N G A N O V E R W H E L M -

ingly enthusiastic response to the video

Future Portland Kathleen Holtmdashwho coordi-

nated the production of the video for Oregon

Humanitiesmdashknew there were more stories

like this one that needed telling The video

which wa s made by ma gazi ne contr ibutor

Ifanyi Bell and Brushfire Creative Partners

tells the story of loss and hope in Portlandrsquos

black communities It was powerful Holt says

because it showed the effects of displacement

on people and how that experience feels

Inspired by the impact the video had on

Oregonians Oregon Humanities is launch-

ing a new multimedia project that will collect

and connect stories about the loss of lands and

power by communities of color Combining

technology arts and the humanities the proj-

ect will culminate in a website featuring videos

photos maps timelines graphics words and

other content created by artists and writers of

color to express Oregonrsquos stories of land and

power loss as well as peoplersquos responses to this

loss including thriving and resistance

Holt says the goal of this undertak ing is toshare with Oregonians the sometimes hidden

histories and contributions of communities

of color ldquoItrsquos important for citizens t o under-

stand how the world takes shape around us

Once we have that awareness we can take

steps to change and improve our communityrdquo

she says By creating a space to express many

different stories side by side Oregon Human-

ities aims to help build a broader understand-

ing of how policies and legislation influence

systems of power and landownership in Ore-

gonrsquos past a nd present

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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9 FallWinter 2015

Joaquin LopezThis project which is made possible by a

$110000 grant from the Creative Heights Ini-

tiative of the Oregon Community Foundation

wi ll create a place for ar tis ts and writer s of

color to share their work and will invite more

stories Holt says ldquoThis project is just the

beginning We hope to create a place for these

kinds of stories to live and be shared By set-

ting up this place other stories will come to usrdquo

The website is expected to launch in January

2017 To watch Future Portland visit oregon-

humanitiesorg

JULIA WITHERS

The Power of Story

Idea Lab guest inspires students to find meaningin stories

W H E N M U S I C I A N A N D C O M M U N I T Y

advocate Joaquin Lopez is able to con-

vince yout h that they have the power to make

their own lives meaningful he says ldquothey

become the owners of their own experiencerdquo

This summer Lopez shared his story with 120

rising high school seniors from around the

state at Oregon Humanitiesrsquo Idea Lab Sum-

mer Institute

A Partnership to Promote PublicConversation Around Palliative Care

The Cambia Health Foundation is proud to partner with Oregon Humanities to

help communities across Oregon talk about what maers most

Learn more at oregonhumanitiesorg

R U S S E L L

J Y O U N G

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities10

FundersKeep OregonListeningLearning andExploring

Thanks to the support of

our generous funders

Oregon Humanities

brings tens of thousands

of Oregonians togethermdash

face-to-face online and

on the pagemdashto talk

listen and learn from one

another The following

funders have recently

offered support to make

Oregon a more dynamic

and vital place to live

bull The Oregon Community

Foundation $110000

Creative Heights grant

to pursue a multimedia

project that explores land

loss by communities of

color in Oregon

bull The Maybelle Clark

Macdonald Fund

$20000 for matching

new and increased dona-tions over the last year

bull The Rose E Tucker

Charitable Trust $6500

for Conversation Project

bull Emily Georges Gott-

fried Fund $2000 for a

pilot project training high

school students to lead

community conversations

bull Union Bank of California

Foundation $2000 for

Humanity in Perspective

Idea Lab is a three-day program that brings

Oregon teachers and high school juniors

together to explore the pursuit of happiness

and how it shapes our world Students from

diverse communities and economic back-

grounds engage with big ideas through work-

shops lectures films and conversations This

year the weekend concluded with a special pre-

sentation by Lopez

Incorporating personal narrative lecture

and Latin American folk music into his perfor-

mance Lopez focused on the power of stories

to connect people to history themselves and

the world Lopez shared with Idea Lab students

how he came to terms with his ow n identity as

a queer Latino man by realizing that hersquos the

author of his own story and the creator of his

own happiness Students gave Lopez a stand-

ing ovation they appreciated his honesty

openness and confidence Courtney Ford astudent from De La Salle North Catholic High

School commented ldquoHe left the audience with

ldquoAt Idea Lab I learned to see

the world not just as what it was

but as what it could berdquomdashMark Delgado Oregon Humanities Idea Lab alumnus (2010) and counselor (2015)

Help more Oregonians connect to life-changing ideas

Visit giveguideorgoregonhumanities to make a gift

through the Willamette Week rsquos 2015 GiveGuide

inspiration to truly be themselvesrdquo

Lopez believes in the potential of the

humanities to engage and empower people In

his work with youth at the Latino Networkmdash

a nonprofit with locations in Portland and

Gresham that promotes social change by unit-

ing the Latino communitymdashLopez manages

Studio Latino an after-school program that

focuses on Latin American arts and culture

The program was piloted last spring and this

year it will enter Reynolds High School in

Troutdale Gresham High School and Alder

Elementary in Portland Lopez works to incor-

porate themes of perseverance personal char-

acter and cultural identity into the program so

that students can bring those values with them

beyond high school

For Lopez creating spaces where youth can

be themselves and connect with each other is

a powerful way to make change ldquoStories havethe capacity to heal they remind us that we are

all in this togetherrdquo

JULIA WITHERS

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11 FallWinter 2015 FROM THE DIRECTOR

W H E N I W A S FIVE A ND L IVING IN A

small Minnesota city my fatherrsquos par-

ents visited from New York On Sunday morn-

ing we went as usual to Perkins where I did

what my parents had prepared me to do I asked

for pancakes but no bacon With enthusiasm

and pride I told my grandparentsmdashMoshe and

Lottie to most people Saba and Sabtah to memdash

that because they were there I was only having

pancakes no bacon

Two decades later I went to visit the fam-

ily of the woman who is now my wife While

most of the family ate snappy cheese and corn

pudding inside the Millersburg Kentucky

home my wifersquos fatherrsquos mother asked me on

the back porch what my belief was about Jesus

Christ She listened to the first tepid sentence

of my response and thanked me and walked

into the kitchen to urge her granddaughter to

be careful

A few years ago I went with my wife and

kids to the funeral of my wifersquos motherrsquos third

husband in a Southern Baptist church in a

small town in South Carolina In a departurefrom the churchrsquos usual practice a well-

known local musician sang ldquoImaginerdquo Two

of the three eulogies were delivered from the

altar by gay men When the preacher led us in

prayer and song my kids and I and I think my

wife were silent We knew neither the words

nor the tune

My kids now ten and eight tell people who

ask that they are both Christian and Jewish I

suspect my grandparents and my wifersquos grand-

parents would have said they are neither

I donrsquot think my kids know that they are a

thoroughly contemporary diluted amalgam

of Presbyterian Southern Baptist and Jew

Therersquos Scotch-Irish and English and Lithu-

anian and Polish in there Therersquos Kentucky

and Alabama and New York and Israel and

Minnesota and Chicago Therersquos other stuff

too They see themselves as OregoniansIn a short essay thatrsquos been on my mind re-

cently the author Toureacute thinks through how

he will raise children with his soon-to-be wife

He writes that it will be his job not hers to

bring blackness into the home He tries in his

essay to figure out what that could mean but

he seems certain that the job belongs to him

Earlier this fall at the Confederated Tribes

of Grand Rondersquos Third Annual History and

Culture Summit there was a good deal of

attention to cultural inheritancemdashwhat we

receive and what we pass on Several peoplespoke of thinking seven generations back and

seven generations forward I canrsquot go back four

and find the looking forward even hardermdashand

there we were thinking about this at just the

third-annual summit an old culture becoming

new again

This summit got me thinking about how

the more pressure your culture is undermdashthe

more persecution and threat it suffersmdashthe

more likely you may be to think carefully about

preserving it recognizing it passing it on

One thing thatrsquos been passed on to me is

an undiluted commitment to questions This

time of year with the holidays and their vari-

ous rituals upon us my big question is about

what Toureacute calls his job

Merry or happy or bountiful or blessed

whatever everyone and also this what of

what yoursquove received do you want to pass on

What would you be fine leaving behind And

what can you do to transmit the good stuff

inherited or acquired later seven generations

hence

What We Pass On

A DA M DAV IS

K I M N

G U Y E N

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Oregon Humanities12

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13 FallWinter 2015 Move

Whose StateIs This

Legal measures targeting LatinoOregonians reflect fears of change

I N TH E A U TU MN O F 1 980 TE R E S A A L O NS O L E O NrsquoS FA TH E R DE C IDE D TO TA KE A

rare day off from working in the fields near Clackamas to bring his daughters to what he thought

was a publ ic pa rk Alonso Leon who was five and her sister played catch their feet crunchingfallen leaves as they ran across the grass Then a car pulled up The driver got out and shouted at

Alonso Leonrsquos father The man spoke in English but her father spoke only SpanishmdashAlonso Leon

too They had only recently arrived from the southern state of Michoacaacuten Mexico to their new

home in Oregon The man grew more agitated gesturing and raising his voice until her father

gathered the girls and left

ldquoIt was a golf course or someplace people didnrsquot want kids playingrdquo Alonso Leon who is now

forty-one recalls ldquoMy father couldnrsquot read the signs and we had no idea what the man was saying

But the way the man spoke to my father that just stuck with merdquo

Alonso Leonrsquos fami ly are modern-day Movers people who made Oregon their destination of

hope for prosperity renewal and survival But her family would not have fit the original ideal

Movers was the nineteenth-century nickname for settlers who drove west in covered wagons

ldquoRestlessness was their dominant traitrdquo historian Malcolm Clark Jr wrote in his 1981 book Eden

Seekers ldquoThe gene of it was passed from father to son as a part of the act of procreation The fron-

tier was constantly reproducing itselfrdquo

For centuries the new Oregonians worked to make sure the reproducing gene was white W hen

it won statehood in 1859 Oregon was part of the anti-slavery Northmdashif only because its constitu-

tion excluded blacks from living within the statersquos borders (The provision wasnrsquot removed until

1926) Native tribes were shuffled to reservations and Chinese workers were attacked by white

residents in Oregon City La Grande and several other communities

The twentieth-century brought more hostility In 1920 state law required non-English news-

papers to print English translations Portlandrsquos black population swelled when the cityrsquos ship-

yards expanded during World War II and city leaders segregated African Americans in North

and Northeast Portland neighborhoods and nearby Vanport a slapdash public housing project ina floodplain near the Columbia River The state didnrsquot outlaw discrimination in housing restau-

rants hotels and other accommodations until the 1950s

BRENT WALTH

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Oregon Humanities14

Oregon can no longer look in a mirror and see a bleached face

staring back In 1980 the first year the first year the CensusBureau included ldquoHispanicrdquo as a n ethnic category fewer than 7

percent of people in the state identified themselves as anything

other than ldquowhiterdquo Now according to the most recent Census

numbers nearly one quarter identify a s something other than

ldquowhite alonerdquo

The definition of what it means to be an Oregonian has

shifted as the state has seen immigrants from Asia Eastern

Europe and Africa The biggest shift has been in the statersquos

Latino population which has grown five times faster than the

state as a whole According to the Census 125 percent of the

population now identifies as Hi spanic or Latino Several cities

now count Latinos as the majority

One of those cities is Woodburn a Marion County town of

24000 where Alonso Leon now serves as a member of the city

council and where an acceptance of languages other than Eng-

lish has helped the community deal with change ldquoIf you donrsquot

have that you instead have misunderstanding and mispercep-

tions about other peoplerdquo Alonso Leon says ldquoWersquore not sitting

down together often enough as it isrdquo

Oregon has become a state of many languages But a small

effective and (many say) xenophobic group is pushing to put

a measure on the 2016 ballot that would declare English as the

statersquos official language Oregonians will need to decide if fear will divide the state over race ethnicity and how we talk to each

other

JIM LUDWICK SEES A DAY WHEN AMERICANS WILL BE

expected to speak both English and Spanish It worries him

ldquoBeing a bilingual country is breaking down people accord-

ing to where they came from rather than encouraging everyone

to be unitedrdquo Ludwick says ldquoItrsquos a tragedy waiting to happenrdquo

Ludwick a retired pharmaceuticals salesman from McMin-

nville is cofounder of Oregonians for Immigration Reform

which is pushing the Engl ish-only measure Since its found-

ing in 2000 the group has argued that the federal govern-

mentrsquos failure to enforce immigration laws has wreaked havoc

on the country The g roup opposes any government privileges

for undocumented residents including schools and health

care Oregonians for Immigration Reform he says favors the

deportation of anyone the government discovers is living in the

country illegally That includes the estimated 120000 undocu-

mented people living in Oregonmdasha number thatrsquos actually fallen

in recent years ldquoThis country was founded on the rule of lawrdquoLudwick says ldquoWersquore now seeing people openly violating our

immigration laws while try ing to impose new laws on usrdquo

For years Oregonians for Immigration Reform wasnrsquot taken

seriously in Salem or seen as a political threat Its leadersrsquo ten-

dency to broadbrush Latinos leaves many people uncomfort-

able When asked about immigration for example Ludwick

steers the conversation to ldquoillegalsrdquo stealing Social Security

numbers Mexicans run ning drugs a nd undocumented resi-

dents committing other crimes

The Southern Poverty Law Center a Montgomery Ala-

bamandashbased watchdog on issues of discrimination maintains a

nationwide list of ldquonativist extremistrdquo groups it says go beyondadvocating on immigration policy to targeting immigrants

themselves Oregonians for Immigration Reform is one of nine-

teen groups on the organizationrsquos nationwide list

Ludwick says this characterization of his group is unfair ldquoIf

I even question our immigration policies then Irsquom a racistrdquo he

says ldquoThatrsquos not it at all I want the United States to be a great

country that welcomes people from all over as we always have

But itrsquos foolish to think it will be i f we continue with our immi-

gration policiesrdquo

The grouprsquos status as an outsidermdashand its leaderrsquos view of its

place in Oregon politicsmdashchanged in 2014

Oregon once had relatively lax laws when it came to granting

driversrsquo licenses Starting in 2008 the state legislature required

proof of citizenship or legal residency such as a Social Security

number or other papers Latino groups (long courted by the

Democrats who run Salem) spent the next five years pushing

to overturn the law They succeeded in 2013 when lawmakers

established a ldquodriverrsquos cardrdquo for residents who could not prove

they were in the country legally

Oregonians for Immigration Reform fought the new law by

gathering the 58000 signatures needed to put the question on

the November 2014 ballot A ldquoyesrdquo vote would uphold the leg-

islaturersquos actions Backers including some farm groups saidthe measure was practical and compassionate But the mea-

sure became a proxy for frustration about the nationrsquos broken

The definition of what

it means to be anOregonian has shiftedas the state has seenimmigrants from AsiaEastern Europe and Africa The biggest shifthas been in the statersquos

Latino population which has grown fivetimes faster than thestate as a whole

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15 FallWinter 2015 Move

immigration system and Oregon voters crushed the measure

two to one

The victory Ludwick says shows Oregonians agree with his

grouprsquos views that immigration is out of control and that the gov-

ernment should not be rewarding people who are here illegally

He says much of the country is with his groupmdashand the suc-

cess of Republican presidential candidate Donald Trumprsquos

rhetoric about immigrants is proof When he announced his

candidacy in June 2015 Trump said Mexico was dumping drug

dealers and rapists into the United States ldquoAnd some I assumerdquo

Trump added ldquoare good peoplerdquo

ldquoWhen he did thatrdquo Ludwick says ldquohe shot right up in the

polls He chose to talk about immigration because hersquos a guy who

likes leverage He knows thatrsquos a subject that appeals to regular

Americansrdquo

O R E GO N S A W ITS L A TINO P O P U L A TIO N GR O W A FTE R World War II when the United States opened its borders to bra-

ceros guest workers from Mexico who labored in the fields The

program ended in the mid-1960s but the statersquos farmers were

by then dependent on migrant workers United Farm Workers

(UFW ) leader Cesar Chavez often brought his protests to Ore-

gon denouncing the low wages unsafe conditions and abysmal

housing for many of the statersquos estimated 40000 migrant work-

ers half of whom took seasonal jobs in the Willamette Valley

The UFWrsquos actions sparked backlash against Latinos in

many places but Oregon turned away from a cultural battle In

1971 the Republican-controlled legislature passed a bill to stop

farmworkers from organizing They put intense pressure onthen-Governor Tom McCallmdasha fellow Republican who grew up

in a ranching familymdashto sign it McCall nearly did but protests

and vigils against the bill moved him (as did Chavezrsquos threats of

boycotts) and it troubled him that the state was about to deny

rights and protections for people who came here to work ldquoHellrdquo

McCall said when the bill-signing deadline approached ldquoIrsquom

going to veto that son of a bitchrdquo And he did Over the years

many migrants stopped moving around and settled in the Wil-

lamette Valley and they beckoned others from their home coun-

tries to join them

Teresa Alonso Leonrsquos family was among those who heard the

call Her parents arrived in Oregon without documentation Her

father left their home in Michoacaacuten in early 1980 and moved

to Clackamas where relatives had told him he could find bet-

ter-paying work than he had in Mexico In Oregon her parents

worked at least two jobs at a ti me often seven days a week For

four years her family lived in a ramshackle house in Gervais

without plumbing They used a n outhouse and hauled in buck-

ets of water filled from a garden hose to cook and clean In the

winter the water stored in the buckets indoors froze

Her parents wanted their children to avoid the life they had

as laborers and for Alonso Leon school was transformative She

quickly saw the need to learn Englishmdashher teachers made herrepeat first grade because she struggled with the new language

But she soon caught up and became the familyrsquos translator

during doctorrsquos visits or meetings at her school

ldquoI had to become the spokesperson for the familyrdquo she says

In 1986 Congress passed an immigration amnesty bill that

offered legal residency to 29 million people Not yet a teenager

Alonso Leon represented her parents as they met the require-

ments to earn legal status gathering work histories from past

employers studying US history and demonstrating basic Eng-

lish skills (Her parents earned legal residency that covered

Alonso Leon She became a US citizen in 2013)

Her family eventually moved to Woodburn where she

attended high school before earning her GED through a pro-

gram at the University of Oregon She went on to graduate from

Wester n Ore gon Uni versity and Portland Stat e University

where she earned a masterrsquos degree in public administration

Alonso Leon has spent most of her career looki ng for ways to

make school more avai lable to low-income students or those who

are the first in their families to attend college At Portland Com-munity College she helped develop a program to guide migrant

students in adjusting to their first year in college Today she

runs the state of Oregonrsquos GED program in the Department of

Community Colleges and Workforce Development which each

year helps 1700 students gain their high-school equivalency

Families like hers have worked here for decades paying ta xes

and working to offer their children better lives And Alonso

Leon worries that Oregon will declare its government recog-

nizes only English

ldquoIt sends the message that as a state wersquore denying that peo-

ple should be able to live here and speak their native languagerdquo

Alonso Leon says ldquo It also sends the message t hat i mmigrantsarrive and reject the language thatrsquos spoken here Thatrsquos not the

case People try to learn English because they wa nt to succeedrdquo

Alonso Leonrsquos parents still struggle with English even a fter

three decades in Oregon Mastering the language she says often

requires education and trainingmdashsomething that her parents

and many other immigra nts have lacked

ldquoMy parents worked two or three jobs at a time at low wages

all these yearsrdquo she says ldquoYou can say to my parents lsquoWhy have

you not done a better job of learning Englishrsquo The answer is

they spent all their time making sure their children were fed

and clothedrdquo

THE MEASUR E SUPPORTED BY OREGONIANS FOR IMMI-

gration Reform would if passed by voters require state and

local governments to conduct business in English Oregon

law already requires that in many cases even though Oregon

is one of nineteen states without a blanket official-language

declaration

But the Oregon measure could go beyond what other states

impose its language suggests that (with some exceptions) it

could become illegal for government agencies to provide com-

munications with the public in languages besides Englishmdash

despite the fact that 15 percent of Oregonians speak a languageother than English at home Portland Public Schools for exam-

ple prints materials for parents in several languagesmdasha practice

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Oregon Humanities16

Ludwick says is a waste of money

Ludwick recalls an illustration he saw in a social studies text-

book he had in high school ldquoIt was of this giant cooking potrdquo

he says ldquoPeople from all over the world are jumping inmdashpeople

with sombreros and so on And in the picture Uncle Sam is stir-

ring itmdashstirring the pot the melting pot And the people who had

jumped in earlier are now climbing out dressed like Americans

They had coats and ties onrdquo

ldquoThe point isrdquo he says ldquoit was about assimilation It used to

be you come to America to become an American Not a Hispanic

American New immigrants today donrsquot want to be assimilated

They want to divide themselves off from us while imposing their

cultural beliefs on usrdquo

The threat Ludwick sees is about more than language Itrsquos

about influence and powermdashless about reforming immigration

laws than it is about forcing a cultural norm on Oregonrsquos immi-

grants His grouprsquos attention to Latinos in particular is basedin sheer numbersmdash40 percent of immigrants in Oregon were

born in Mexicomdashbut also on the success of organi zations such

as Causa Oregon to push a political agenda These groups have

had some victories including a 2013 law allowing college tuition

grants for undocumented students who attended Oregon high

schools But the doors of power have not been knocked open

The state has seen only one Latino elected official statewide

(former state schools superintendent Susan Castillo) and only

a handf ul of legislators

What Oregonians for Immigration Reform plays on is fearmdash

the fear of a non-Latino majority losing influence and facing

discrimination for not speaking Spanish In its troubled his-tory Oregon has turned on the ldquootherrdquo foreigners blacks any

faceless group accused of stealing something from the rest of us

including jobs culture andmdashnowmdashlanguage

The last thing Oregon needs is another dark chapter of rac-

ism disguised as nationalistic duty What the state could use

instead is a moment of illumination and courage

Itrsquos happened before in another context A half century ago

Oregon set out to protect its farms and forests by carefully plan-

ning for the rapid population growth that was coming Its lead-

ers (primari ly Governor Tom McCall) engaged in a long often

rending discussion about the need for land-use laws Invective

followedmdashfoes called Oregon a communist state and voters in

many parts of the state would still erase land-use laws from the

books in a hea rtbeat given the chance But it took someone with

guts to cha llenge hardened beliefs and prepare Oregon for the

future

Itrsquos time for another conversation this one about the chang-

ing face of the state Oregonrsquos long history with a whites-only

club running things is ending Imagine seeing a leader in Oregon

brave enough to embrace that futuremdashespecially now that the

nationrsquos political debate is oozing anti-immigrant poison

A future Oregon leader who gets up the nerve to t alk about

the value of a more diverse Oregonmdashand the need to account

for itmdashneed look no further than Woodburn a city that thirty

years ago no one would predict would be a model for cultural

tolerance The town struggled with change as Latino and Rus-

sian immigrants came to the area Today Woodburn proudly

talks of its ldquoLittle Mexicordquo business district The school district

has seen enormous success in graduating students from high

school in large part because of its bilingual approach in theclassroom The city routinely sends out information about the

library parks and water bills in English and Spanish And the

cityrsquos website has a button that allows visitors to translate its

pages into thirty-six lang uages

Alonso Leon says that despite Woodburnrsquos progress the city

has a lot of ground to gain when it comes to making itself open

to everyone She says the city council rarely sees members of the

Latino community appear before it and that the only Spanish

speakers who attend meetings on a regular basis are usually her

parents who like to watch her in action She says the city has

formed a committee to find ways Woodburn can knock down

cultural and language barriers that keep non-English speakersfrom believing they have a role in civic debates

ldquoWe need to do more to make ourselves inviting and avail-

ablerdquo she says ldquoTelling people only English is acceptable in

government runs against the idea that everyone has the right

to be heardrdquo

Alonso Leon won an appointment to city council in 2013 and

must run for her seat this year if she wa nts to keep it Shersquos never

sought public office before and she could appear on the same

election ballot as Trump and the Oregonians for Immigration

Reform measuremdashan irony that isnrsquot lost on her

Alonso Leon expects a campaign wil l test her Shersquod be the

third Latino elected to the council (shersquos the only one serving

there now) and she says she has never been afraid to tell her story

ldquoIf people are asking questions and scrutinizing who I am

that means theyrsquore considering me or someone like merdquo she

says ldquoAnd that in itself is progressrdquo

Brent Walth has been an Oregon journalist since 1984 Hersquos

the former managing editor at Willamette Week and senior

investigative reporter for the Oregonian and author of Fire at

Edenrsquos Gate a biography of Oregon Governor Tom McCall

Hersquos now an assistant professor in the University of Oregon

School of Journalism and Communication

The threat Ludwicksees is about more thanlanguage Itrsquos about

influence and power

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17 FallWinter 2015 Move

Communityin Flux

A long-persecuted people begins to speak out

I N P O R T L A N D T H E C H R I S T M A S O F 1 9 4 4 W A S B I T -

terly cold and blanketed in white It snowed for days and

stayed close to freezing as the New Year approached But Port-

landers were distracted from the unusually cruel weather by

news that Portland Mayor Earl Riley was forcing dozens of

Roma out of the citymdashand by God it was about time the news-papers crowed Although many members of the local Kalderash

community of Roma had been working in the Kaiser shipyard

factories for the US war effort elected officials law enforce-

ment and the media fell over themselves to justify r unning the

Roma out of town

The Oregon Journal reported that encouraged by police the

Romamdashdescribed as ldquothe gaily dressed wanderersrdquomdashasked for

assistance to return to Texas and New Mexico because Portland

was ldquotoo coldrdquo for them Mayor R iley p ersuaded the US Of fice

of Price Administration (OPA) the federal bureau in charge of

rationing to issue special gas rations to the Roma so they could

make the drive south

The Oregonian considered this a ldquonotable featrdquo by the mayor

not only because the OPArsquos rationing of items like gas rubber

sugar and butter was so strict but also because Riley was ldquogetting

rid of at least half the gy psies [who] have been afflicting the cityrdquo

ldquoWe are right proud of our mayorrdquo the paper wrote

This was the same Mayor Riley who is purported to be one of

the most corrupt mayors in Portlandrsquos history Though his office

accused the Roma of using fortune-telling as a front for prostitu-

tion Riley allegedly kept a special safe in City Hall just for the

bribes he collected from these same types of criminal opera-

tions He was neither indicted nor punished despite criticism bythe City Club of Portland instead he amassed a fortune in ille-

gal enterprises over his lifetime Meanwhile the Roma families

LISA LOVING

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Oregon Humanities18

A detective and two policemen

escort two arrested Romani women

from the paddy wagon into the

Police Headquarters building at SW

2nd amp Oak in 1951

in Portland barely got by sometimes using abandoned storefronts as homes

Carol Silvermanmdasha professor of cultural anthropology and folklore at the

University of Oregon who has studied worked with and advocated for Roma

locally and around the world for almost forty yearsmdashsays the group of Roma in

Portland who came to work in the shipyards during the war were turned upon

when the war was over ldquoJust like Rosie the Riveter when women no longer were

needed for welding and [were told they] should go back to the homerdquo Silverman

says ldquoit was perceived that this group of Roma was no longer needed in the cityPerceived as foreign outsiders dangerous [they were] given these gas rations to

drive out of staterdquo

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19 FallWinter 2015 Move

COURTESY THOMAS ROBINSON

Roma in America today are a community in flux Families

still identify their lineages through distinct ethnic communi-

ties sometimes called tribes including the Sinti Romanichal

and Kalderash and these communities tend to blend in with

the mainstream In the Northwest a look through local busi-

ness listings will not reveal any obvious groups or organiza-

tions serving them except a handful of very tight-knit Christian

churches Most Kalderash would prefer to live under the radar

says Silverman for a compelling historical reason almost

everywhere theyrsquove gone Roma people have been oppressed by

both government and society

Originally from India Roma communities are traditionally

nomadic From the fourteenth century until the Romanian

emancipation of 1864 Roma were enslaved and traded by the

local nobility in a large area of southern Romania including

Walachia and Moldovia with the support of church institutions

Roma moved to the Northwest in the largest numbers after1864 with Kalderash families settling in the area between 1880

and 1920 Silverman says ldquoFrom the first time they came to

America there were rules regulating where Roma could live and

where they could settle and even the kind of work they could do

Many cities had anti-fortune-telling edicts fortune-telling poli-

cies on the books Some cities actually still have themrdquo

Accused of being naturally inferior and prone to crime Roma

people in the Northwest have been targeted and harassed by

local law enforcement and negatively depicted in the media In

1906 the Oregonian wrote ldquoThe police allege that the gypsies

have such a penchant for stealing everything that is not nai led

down that it is necessary always to lsquokeep an eye on themrsquordquo Andthe Ashland Daily Tidings in 1916 wrote ldquoTrue to their inborn

instincts the horde of gypsies which passed through Ashland

last Sunday failed to get out of t he country without committing

a serious depredationrdquo

No scholar has studied discrimination against the Roma as

fully as Ian Hancock a University of Texas at Austin professor of

linguistics English and Asian studies who laid out his findings

in a 2007 research paper He writes that despite five special US

Congressional sessions addressing the increase in anti-Romani

hate crimes in Europe and the correlative increase in Romani

asylum seekers to the United States ldquoThere nevertheless remain

laws on the books in various states and counties that continue

to operate against Gypsies Many of these laws a list of which

fills thirty-four pages were inherited from Europe and were

intended to be used against the earlier Gypsy populations in the

United States they have since found new application against

the more recently arrived and more v isible Eastern European

Roma escaping the post-Communist increase in racial violence

in that region many of whom are seeking political asylum hererdquo

But despite the hostility they have traditionally faced

Romani people have also historically been linchpins of their

local economies Silverman says Roma in Europe worked in

metalcraft which t hey applied in the United States to recopperand re-tin household items at the turn of the century ldquoUntil the

1950s before stainless steel in order to have a working kitchen

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Oregon Humanities20

Most Americanshave no idea

that their owngovernment waspersecuting Romapeople at thesame time Romain Europe werebeing murdered inthe Holocaust

you had to have your pots and pans redonerdquo Silverman says ldquoThis was a real

Romani skillrdquo

This skill in metalwork was perfect for the emerging car industry in 1920s

and rsquo30s America ldquoRoma did this kind of service for many many Northwest

Americans and then eventua lly they got i nto t he car sales businessrdquo Silver-

man says The Romarsquos family-based car repair operations competed directly

with corporate auto repair shops offering an alternative to high-dollar services

with the personal attention of a family business So by World War II not only

was Mayor Riley rsquos expulsion of Roma families cruel but it also likely damaged

the local economy

Most Americans have no idea that their own government was persecut-

ing Roma people at the same time Roma in Europe were being murdered in

the Holocaust The Nazis killed an estimated 220000 to 500000 Roma men

women and childrenmdashperhaps 25 percent of the European Roma populationmdash

between 1935 and 1945 Morgan Ahern a SintiRomanichal Roma and founder

of Seattle-based organization Lolo Diklo Romani Against Racism believes

the number of Roma killed may be as high as 15 million ldquoMany [were killed] inconcentration campsrdquo she says ldquobut many more [were] just shot on the roadrdquo

Silverman agrees that the effect of the Holocaustmdashknown to some Roma as

the Porraimos or ldquothe devouringrdquomdashon the Roma has been ldquoa footnote in most

textbooksrdquo and is only starti ng to be examined in Holocaust museums because

of lobbying by Roma and their allies

Also overlooked in the history of Roma in the United States generations of

Roma children taken from their parents and warehoused in foster care systems

because of lifestyle differences and some families say racism Ahern was one

of those children removed from her family and put into foster care after her

parents were deemed unfit to ta ke care of her because they were Romani and

nomadic

Even today many Romani individuals and families lack birth certificatesand marriage certificates making them vulnerable to government officialsrsquo

whims Silverma n says ldquoThings like being fingerprinted havi ng a birth certifi-

cate might mean that your children are going to be taken away These historic

memories are very very very much alive for Romardquo

After generations of abuse a modest tide of Roma are beginning to speak out

about their civil rights and demand fair t reatment including fair accommoda-

tions in trying to obtain legal documentation for family members who were

born in the United States Silverman who is on the board of the nonprofit Voice

of Roma says she was involved in a c ase in Portland in which it was argued that

oral testimony in a birth is equivalent to a birth certificate ldquoWhen people bear

witness to a marriagerdquo Silverman says ldquoit doesnrsquot matter if therersquos no marriage

certificate It could be issued based on hindsight on memoryrdquo

For a community that has for generations avoided keeping their money in

bank accounts and sending their children to public schools social isolation is

giving way to an emerging movement for empowerment

On the East Coast Kalderash filmmaker George Eli produces films about

his family and is currently building a media channel on Roma And at the

University of Texas Hancock who is Romanichal Roma has spent decades

building the Program of Romani Studies and the Romani Arch ives and Docu-

mentation Center

Ahern founded Lolo Diklo which means ldquored scarfrdquo in 1986 along w ith a

fellow teacher at Seattle Central College The grouprsquos purpose is to document

discrimination and persecution of Romani Ahernrsquos fatherrsquos Romanichal fam-ily have lived in the United States since the 1700s and were originally sent from

Ireland by the British government as slaves Her motherrsquos family were Sinti who

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21 FallWinter 2015 Move

No documentsor oral histories

exist showingwhat happened tothe Roma familiesforced out ofPortland in 1944

arrived in the United States in the late 1930s

fleeing the climate in Germany Her maternal

grandmother pretended to be Italian to get into

the country

Over the years Ahern has traveled through-

out the West Coast lecturing about Roma cul-ture and civil rights She works with Romani

organizations across the United States South

America Canada Europe and Spain

Silverman adds that over the past twenty

years many American Roma have become

born-again Christians establishing their own

churches or joining evangelical congregations

Some of these church leaders are emerging as

community spokespeoplemdashsomething very

new for a community that has been persecuted

for so long ldquoThere are Roma who donrsquot want

to be left alone anymore because they are at a

disadvantage when they are left alonerdquo Silver-

man says ldquoThey are being very brave to actu-

ally interact with t he US court systemrdquo

But despite these efforts even today the dis-

crimination that Roma face by revealing their

heritage remains very real ldquoIn their historical

memory interacting with American institu-

tions has often resulted in a form of marginal-

izationrdquo Silverman says

For example Silverman describes ethnic

profiling by police bureaus through what wereknown as ldquobunco squadsrdquo police bureaus in

the South that had ldquoGypsy unitsrdquo to focus on

ldquoGypsy crimerdquo She says ldquoThis is ethnic profiling of crime

assuming that all Roma commit a certain kind of crime and

certain ki nds of crimes are only committed by Romardquo

The racial profiling of Roma people doesnrsquot stop with law

enforcement it is a staple of local news The language used

in Pacific Northwest news coverage in the past ten years to

describe alleged offenders has hardly changed from what was

writ ten in newspapers in the early 1900s

In 2007 a ldquoNight Cabbierdquo column in Willamette Week

sparked outrage ldquoThe Gypsies apparently are no jokerdquo the

unidentified cab driverwriter penned about the apparent rav-

ings of a customer ldquoDespite what we may think she explains to

us that real Gypsies arenrsquot nomadic livestock thieves but in fact

have been living in her neighborhood for decades And theyrsquore

very bad neighborsrdquo

ldquoThis is racist nonsenserdquo a reader responded ldquoInexcusable

for a serious newspaper to print such offensive content about areal livi ng breathing person in the neighborhood on account of

one of his neighbors For all we know this bigoted fool is the bad

neighborrdquo

No documents or oral histories exist showing what happened

to the Roma families forced out of Portland in 1944 Did they

stay in Texas Did they return to the Northwest Did they find

safety Or were they forced on toward some other location And

most important how in the Information Age is it possible that

the Roma experience has been all but forgotten by the main-

stream of society

Silverman holds out hope that organizations such as Voice of

Roma and Lolo Diklo can help Roma keep from getting caught inunfriendly bureaucratic systems as well as provide an opening

for more outreach and understanding The Portland Romani

Festival a one-day celebration featuring food music and infor-

mation on human rights issues affecting Roma people is ten-

tatively scheduled for late spring 2016 The Festival Romani

Facebook page is a fountain of music and cu ltural events par-

ticularly music performances up and down the West Coast

ldquoI think people should become knowledgeable about Romani

history and discrimination in order to combat itrdquo Silverman

says ldquoIt seems to me that while wersquore talking about ethnic a nd

racial diversity we can no longer eliminate a large group that

has suffered prejudice for so many years and continues to suffer

prejudicerdquo

Thanks to Fair Housing Council of Oregon for sharing this

story with Oregon Humanities through its history bus tour

Lisa Loving has reported on civil rights and diversity in

Oregon for more than fifteen years She is a news and

public affairs producer at KBOO Community Radio 907

FM in Portland and the former news editor of the award-

winning African American community newspaper the

Skanner Her new book How to Be a Citizen Journalist will

be released in 2017 by Microcosm Publishing

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities22

Like all places Oregon has a brand an identity that distinguishes

it from other places This identity is a pastiche of characteris-

ticsmdashenvironmental and agricultural urban and rural intrepid and

entrepreneurialmdashthat become a kind of shorthand that rightly or

wrongly insiders and outsiders read to understand what this state

and its people collectively value But how much do we the resi-

dents of this place really know about the systems behind these

things that seem to represent our identity

On the pages that follow we look more closely at just four ofthese cultural identifiers and how they move through their individ-

ual systems coho salmon up the Columbia River past historical

sites trash recyclables reusables and compost from Portland to

other parts of the state and the world bicycles buses and cars

up a busy corridor through a rapidly changing neighborhood and

ideas measures and laws through what is sometimes called the

Oregon System

Thanks to sources at the Confluence Project Death with Dignity Friends of the Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge Heiberg Garbage and

Recycling Metro MIG Northwest Power and Conservation Council Ofce of the Secretary of State Oregon History Project Oregon Legis -

lature Portland Bureau of Transportation TriMet and US Forest Servicersquos Pacific Northwest Research Station for their help with this story

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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23 FallWinter 2015 Move

Salmon up the Columbia RiverAFTER SPENDING sixteen to twenty months at sea a coho

salmon begins her journey up the Columbia and Sandy Rivers

back to her natal spawning grounds This amazing biological phe-

nomenon is also rich with cultural significance and the landmarks

she passes upstream mark the politics and history of her species

1 Salmon were central to the Chinook that once inhabited villages

along the lower Columbia and seining was the most important

method used to catch the fish As runs declined in the early twen-

tieth century white fishermen drove the Chinook off Sand Island

and Peacock Spit two of the most productive seining areas in

the estuary Seining was prohibited by Washington in 1934 and

Oregon in 1948

2 On March 16 1806 Meriwether Lewis drew and described a fish

brought to him at Fort Clatsop ldquoThe white Salmon Trout has

now made itrsquos appearance in the creeks near this place one of

them was brought us today by an Indian who had just taken it with

his gig this is a likness of itrdquo The fish was later classified as coho

salmon Oncorhynchus kisutch

3 In 1866 the brothers George W and William Hume and Andrew

S Hapgood established a salmon cannery at Eagle Cliff

Washington packing 4000 cases their first year In 1895 up to

50 Columbia canneries produced 635000 cases of salmon But

by 1977 the pack was just 2547 cases The last major cannery

on the Columbia closed in 1980

4 On November 5 1805 Lewis and Clark recorded a visit to the

ldquoQuathapotle Nationrdquo one of the largest Chinookan villages the

expedition encountered Today Cathlapotle is an archeological site

and the home of a modern plankhouse which serves as an outdoor

classroom and is used by the Chinook Indian Nation

5 In 2008 Maya Linrsquos sculpture Bird Blind was dedicated The blind

lists 134 plants documented by Lewis and Clark along with one

word on their status today thriving threatened endangered or

extinct Coho are listed as threatened today

6 In 2007 the Marmot Dam part of Portland General Electric hydro-

electric project in the Sandy River basin was removed due to

pressure from conservation groups and rising management costs

Built in 1913 by Portland Railway Light and Power Company the

dam provided hydroelectric power to Portland Today salmon navi-gate a free-flowing river mdashTRM

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities24

1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every

other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-

cling one of a number of independent haulers

in the Metro region grind their gears uphill

traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food

scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-

board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue

recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in

the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green

roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-

egory recycling compost and yard waste and

garbage

2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly

either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-

gon Recycling System past the airport in East

Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery

facilities (there are a handful in the region)

which then sell the materials based on demand

in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others

in foreign countries such as China

3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable

waste the other trucks head to Metro Central

Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro

South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-

tions in the region Last year almost a half a

million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos

two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins

other company haulers contractors with con-

struction waste and residential customers with

miscellaneous items not picked up through

home collection service At the transfer station

the sorting process begins

4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature

Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-

ogy Organics outside of North Plains about

twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about

twelve miles north of Corvallis

5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household

items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material

in roads

6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader

then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time

is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer

stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a

three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty

no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush

plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo

According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the

garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material

The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is

often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per

minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to

an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the

plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity

powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM

Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland

Waste fromSouthwestPortland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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25 FallWinter 2015 Move

1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in

winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period

in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a

twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source

TriMet)

HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make

every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-

tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed

Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-

age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo

In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin

Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the

new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue

represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even

signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from

the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles

per hour depending on the time of day

The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars

buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic

signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and

emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one

hundred intersections throughout Portland

Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North

Williams today reflects a different wave of development and

demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share

the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to

bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes

to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density

residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG

Traffic on North Williams Avenue

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities26

Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect

changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-

erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed

law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or

rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already

passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a

referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather

than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-

ers approved this system in 1902

This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an

initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on

a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided

driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal

documentation of US citizenship status

1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three

ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)

Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text

of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall

issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to

provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)

2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-

tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)

3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of

Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative

petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State

Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal

Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)

4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is

certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults

to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88

58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold

of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to

qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-

ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without

requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to

Dec 2013)

5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88

Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor

Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)

6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51

to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails

666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-

croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered

by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed

lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move

(2003)

7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block

saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-

zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the

case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor

General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the

practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The

US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide

law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG

Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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27 FallWinter 2015 Move

SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137

983158983151983145983139983141

N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -

room closet I came across a box of old family photographs

I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color

photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-

ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five

standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie

primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos

hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-

tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against

the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But

the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a

frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat

in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple

of the Sun

A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -

graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one

end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both

L A I L A L A L A M I

Al-Mursquoallaqat

The GoldenOdes of Love

J E N W I C K S T U D I O

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities28

of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels

science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-

raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to

love books so much perhaps books provided them an education

about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing

from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches

that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-

ing the reign of King Hassan

It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned

to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed

copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from

friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about

whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-

drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new

offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte

which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne

Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others

Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les

petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why

the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion

Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which

the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to

either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan

tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three

Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords

and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo

Of course none of the characters in these books looked or

spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly

all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan

bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their

homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my

own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they

had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary

world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an

alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define

normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like

my country my imagination had been colonized

I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly

the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-

acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the

fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled

my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high

school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes

where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-

yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as

well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father

said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it

was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted

D RISS C H RAI BI

LA

CI VI LISA TIO N

MA M E R E

PAR

ALEXANDRE DUMAS

Taha Hussein

THE

DA YS

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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29 FallWinter 2015 Move

When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same

school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum

el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine

At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were

taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled

with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still

the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-

language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from

the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi

al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the

Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese

Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-

moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some

of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved

each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a

classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-

els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan

authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-

tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren

It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read

adult literature on my own and independently from school that

I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-

ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos

La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a

sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin

Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book

that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment

of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read

lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was

as fertile ground for fiction as any other

And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature

nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in

French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after

all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-

latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss

Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was

ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a

particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made

it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I

was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train

in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco

medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-

ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my

hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat

or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-

matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely

be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study

linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in

a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in

an analytica l way

Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in

Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship

to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait

I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and

racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School

of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work

of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went

back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how

often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes

Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in

our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in

formal soireacutees French was de rigueur

Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-

guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles

and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in

English which made me think even more about the relationship

between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a

prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power

an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people

The education I had received had emphasized the importance

of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our

media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the

shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed

in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored

by the French government for free access to books The role of

Every time I went back

to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much

and how often we moved

between French and

Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not

went through life

switching between codes

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Oregon Humanities30

French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a

cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no

longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case

of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should

not be writing at all

I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish

after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried

to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of

me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that

stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have

immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the

native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow

me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred

to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic

languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought

Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my

days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use

English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the

linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh

perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a

child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-

gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the

same story

I have always written because I have always had the urge to

tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided

that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-

thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my

race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-

larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while

the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and

waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had

enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos

phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-

rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat

seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of

others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the

works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s

such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in

the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and

sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing

graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had

always told stories but now I wanted to be heard

This essay was first published in World Literature Today

Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami

Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The

Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The

Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy

Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for

Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016

Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16

and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for

more information and to buy tickets

Writing in French came

at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial

baggage that I no longer

wanted to carry I started

to suffer from a peculiar

case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic

perhaps I should not be

writing at all

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31 FallWinter 2015 Move

A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good

LORETTA STINSON

I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M

every day after work waiting for Bruce to

get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching

myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me

sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on

from a distance at whatever is happening to

me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie

and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-

kick of the star or I play a supporting role but

I am definitely not the star of this movie The

moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom

just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been

able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed

freak for fifteen years

Sun through the small rectangular win-

dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats

wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in

1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from

the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom

watchi ng my past present a nd future selves

do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental

after another waiting for the next bad thing

to happen and not getting out of the way even

when I see it coming The habit of living in con-

stant fear and the resignation that nothing can

ever change are the glue that holds me in place

This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting

on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on

Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on

hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the

future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who

can only be counted on not to be counted on

In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses

and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about

J U L I A N N A B R I O N

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Oregon Humanities32

detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot

change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-

ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what

the old-timers were saying Needless to say

I didnrsquot

Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go

home and try some new strategy to make Bruce

quit using I once read a book about how sugar

was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding

him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein

diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck

them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat

and beer is a very filling meal in itself When

he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put

in front of him but speed and alcohol are his

drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-

ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never

remembers what he does to me and since he

doesnrsquot remember I have to forget

It be what it be Bruce says about all things

unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color

electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it

be Today I see things clearly for the first time

Today I see myself on this couch waiting for

someone else to do the changing Today I see

that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be

my life until the day he kills me or he dies or

I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been

disappointed too many times Addiction his to

drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove

been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot

see my part until now

My only friend has been telling me for

months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I

have left many times for a day or a week but

Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop

drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs

to me for the first time that this is absurd and a

huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe

itrsquos me who needs to change and not because

that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction

is his business

Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll

be wasted because it was payday and most of

his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-

ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood

alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or

hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how

those will interact with his mood the kind of

day he had and if hersquos eaten

None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for

such a long time that I could Like every person

who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that

if I did all the right things I would figure out a

way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on

his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine

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33 FallWinter 2015 Move

I worked like some kind of crazy statistician

making up story problems to predict what he

might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job

and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without

eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito

at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos

left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going

to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-

ing home mistakes his second wife for his first

wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out

Please show your work

I have never been able to figure out the rec-

ipe for equilibrium His or mine

Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce

comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not

wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face

slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat

the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says

Itrsquos not really a question but I answer

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him

clearly for the first time I see his addiction in

action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have

nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest

thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can

do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look

at him for too long when hersquos been drinking

kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash

you just back away slowly and try not to piss

him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows

too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how

little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs

to believe because he has to be mad at some-

one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom

just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by

the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about

nothing that it was never my face that pissed

him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He

needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave

to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do

no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a

revelation

He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you

looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on

the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-

spread that covers its stained sagging cush-

ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier

mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore

afraid when hersquos like this and they should be

Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that

hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what

if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already

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Oregon Humanities34

dead or at least not living just existing on the

edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story

Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom

suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am

afraid of being killed

I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to

make a home The china teacups that I str ung

together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks

in the window like a mobile The plants my

booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the

sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the

bed my dad and I refinished before I left home

The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday

The fifteen years of history we have together

one year short of half my life tonight not all of

it bad He is no monster just a man struggling

wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to

face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo

He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo

He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo

Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He

screams them at me knowing how in the past

these are the very words that made me cling to

him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go

Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but

this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest

the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about

his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does

Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom

seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man

Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried

to help for his own good right This man Irsquove

tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody

made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when

I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself

Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the

usual responseI know three things tonight Number one

If I stay this will be my life until I die Number

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7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities36

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37 FallWinter 2015 Move

M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN

he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline

somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and

believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he

turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean

for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees

in rows

My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home

at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York

City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for

rows of buildings

ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says

In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark

skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the

Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n

My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I

met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo

My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too

often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance

of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He

was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister

a year later

My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my

father a suit They seem happy in the picture

Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put

half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband

My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years

My grandmother died

All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a

life rocked with waves

P A I G E

V I C K E R S

JASON ARI AS

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Oregon Humanities38

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have

let that slip through thecracksrdquo

My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes

My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why

Grandma was hiding

Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here

To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-

vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where

we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We

have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo

I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened

My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next

closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed

a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time

tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the

process

Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends

Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his

giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist

until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again

We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in

the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-

ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-

lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be

Ama zons)

The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door

I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour

feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean

ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said

We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not

about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same

ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As

kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon

I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower

water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the

high tide after being beached again and again

One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom

decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia

One of my new Olympian friends flicked a

match that started a fire inside my mattress I

tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking

Mom came home and we put the burning

bed outside

This isnrsquot a metaphor

I slept on the floor of my bedroom that

night missing the ocean of Grayland while my

mom and sister shared their bed in the room

next to mine The next morning my mattress

was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-

ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a

popular song on the radio at the time One of us

would start singing the lyrics

How can we dance when our earth is turning

and then wersquod all join in

How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh

But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame

Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-

land That no matter how many times we

were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty

porous flotation device on which to try to

reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe

even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the

way we did as something gia nt and limit less

something to be feared and conquered some-

thing to be moved by

In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a

flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called

my name and the light receded back down the

hall disappearing into the living room and

slipping out the front door

We discovered that the flickering light had

left wax shapes on the carpet of our living

room that could have been bad pentagrams or

the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It

left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot

take any money It left us wondering if some

past boyfriend had found us somehow

Whi le we were out the next day somebody

hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment

door Mom winced at the divots denting the

wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing

mechanism once was with her hand

We left the dishes in the sink

We left no forwarding address

We boarded a bus

Two days later we were on the doorstep of

the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with

a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my

backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase

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39 FallWinter 2015 Move

in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever

received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer

trophies in the other

At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude

who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-

thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been

there were two concave smooth-skinned div-

ots She was always smiling I liked watching

how Jude listened

Before long the four of us moved into an

apartment between Portland and Gresham It

was right on the MAX line and right on the city

line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-

landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign

that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block

to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch

my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but

Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the

perfect space for her She said it was easier for

her to know where everything was in a smaller

environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond

than an ocean

One day Jude brought her new boyfriend

home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo

ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said

Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor

and said ldquo White peoplerdquo

I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was

wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what

ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to

a blind person

Red is the rage in your gut

White is the entrapment of the disabled

One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend

and her room became a closet again

We saw her a little and then not at all

Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to

Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally

almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of

my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday

cards and pictures that were inside it

Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-

day cards away

My wife and I began archiving our new fam-

ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with

the rest of them Our sons grew I became an

uncle My grandfather remarried and went

crazy My mother still has the same smile she

had when I was young

Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a

bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple

of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary

There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help

you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear

Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie

each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out

If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads

directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end

points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably

guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock

between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled

and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long

by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of

human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of

the Mayan calendar

In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and

I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of

the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam

When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-

land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else

ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says

one night while wersquore lying in bed

And I do

I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that

had to happen I listen to our breath

In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I

make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My

finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving

And then the line disappears

And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and

falling together

Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the

Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life

Poems and Stories of the Dead

If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between

Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous

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Oregon Humanities40

READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts

One hundred moves and not one of

them associated with the military

a job or being on the run

The Ledger

Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G

through a yard sale I picked up an old

ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-

ance Company of New York A large thin hard-

bound ledger black with a red spine eleven

inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by

insurance agents to track insurers and their

policies all entries written by hand There was

only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty

cents the rest of the pages were blank After

years of treasuring its antiquity but making

no entries of my own I tore the one used page

out and decided to start tracking al l my moves

before my memory lost track I sat down and

recorded all the moves I remembered over one

hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my

parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them

associated with the military a job or being on

the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-

derlust and exploration then relationships

and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad

landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just

being unable as a single parent to bear the rent

and high heating bills Once my oldest son and

I landed in a decent house that could hold us

indefinitely After three months I was drawn to

cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted

to gather them touch them fill their empti-

ness with our lives When I realized what was

going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in

that house for two years then moved to Hawai i

Now the kids are grown the grandkids are

teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos

no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-

foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a

semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided

me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she

said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo

As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot

out of my feet and sink into the ground I was

so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here

three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot

want to move

What have I lea rned th rough al l these

moves Adaptability being and living in the

now and that there is glory in both staying and

moving but it is much easier and cheaper to

stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland

Out of the Nest

I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E

back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze

tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last

time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex

where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs

Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot

stepped inside the apartment for eight months

To do so would risk my life

ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-

tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February

I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following

weekmdashfor six months

Left behind with Michael were our surro-

gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy

and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned

starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier

It was last October when I first developed

symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-

ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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41 FallWinter 2015 Move

This is where the plates layers of crust

crashed into each other in a fiery show

perhaps tens of thousands of years ago

Soon breathing was excruciating I took

shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain

Paralyzing fatigue set in

My endocrinologist suspected chronic

obstructive pulmonary disease which made

little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I

began scouring descriptions of lung conditions

Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity

pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung

Relief and terror flooded in

If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-

monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a

terminal condition in which scarring causes

respiratory failure within three to five years

Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif

caught early But the solution is drastic We

would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-

ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even

be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the

parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would

have a new ending

Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms

lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper

grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-

pice moments before plummeting

Today we are moving the last of our belong-

ings into our first house The kitties and birdies

have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed

While I cannot hold my babies I watch them

on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the

two-way speaker

From rescue feedings to teenage angst to

nighttime vigils during illness in caring for

these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging

from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety

Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey

take their first tentative steps toward flight

Today I learned the most painful lesson let-

ting go

MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene

Subduction Zones

T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK

were on an af ternoon in early Septem-

ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for

the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper

and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our

ankles

Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-

berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend

and is directly responsible for the creation of

Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back

then one that I sometimes imagined looked

like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus

Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of

the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale

their name suggests but the result of plates

shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-

tion led to the formation of the trio This is

where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into

each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-

sands of years ago Subduction zones are places

where great trauma lies

And here I was all these years later in the

shadows of these mountains loss everywhere

Later that day back at our apartment we

walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit

into anymore For more than a year we went

through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern

Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that

followed us Then one day our four-year-old

daughter started a conversation that shook me

ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo

I nodded

ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so

sadrdquo

Six words leapt at me

ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo

We moved back to Ash land where brig ht

red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-

hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot

know it then but we were charting our own

map however imperfect Healing crept up on

us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-

ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew

Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng

up the darkness Seventeen years passed

And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most

folks want to flee helps you see things more

clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in

its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along

VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities42POSTS

continued from previous page

Just to

underscore

how settled we

planned to be

we unpacked

EverythingEven the

heirloom china

which had never

before left its

boxes We were

here to stay

Dance Church

SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I

go to church Dance church A church

where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers

to recite A church where at first glance outsid-

ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon

arriving I see a few little munchkins running

around with oversize neon headphones on to

protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music

set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with

rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors

There are flowers candles pillow puddles

beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some

kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in

alignment with the morningrsquos intention

As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s

become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-

tainer in which I can move once again after

years of chronic freezing and dissociating A

trapped animal released back into the wild

wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom

in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism

evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with

anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our

spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist

The music awakens the holy spirit within

me and dances me through throngs of people

I am an antelope cut loose checking out the

creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns

bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms

Each stunning in their authentic movement I

see people falling in love with each other from

a distance I see a girl rocking four different

Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed

like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands

ldquopracticing dancingrdquo

This is the church of Miriam the biblical

tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of

years later I move here and I am reunited with

my self my best self my most curious mischie-

vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self

Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten

invited back in the room to whip her hair back

and forth I throw my head back in delight and

laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like

hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form

of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music

EMILY I BEDAL Portland

Again

M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R

upwardly mobile engineer That trans-

lated into at least one move per year until I was

eight and another address for high school I

moved every year in college one year twice I

moved three times during my first stint in Bos-

ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-

ment for the whole two years Then it was back

to Boston where I lived in five different homes

in five years

Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for

the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe

two years back East then back to New Mexico

in two different cities three different homes

Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates

what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo

From Albuquerque we moved to our present

home in Port Orford my thirt ieth

Moving has always been exciting cathar-

tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books

by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally

donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-

ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated

magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets

ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit

thatrsquos never happened In each new house

wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos

never worked

We vowed Port Orford would be our final

ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore

how settled we planned to be we unpacked

Everything Even the heirloom china which

had never before left its boxes We were here

to stay

Except it seems wersquore going to have to move

again but not for the exciting futures wersquod

always envisioned before Now we need doctors

and hospitals and a nearby airport for family

visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is

on the other side of adventure Now we need a

place to feel safe secure

So the sorting and throwing out is about to

begin yet again There are closets and drawers

that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to

dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of

booksmdashto give away This move exciting No

way The very thought of it exhausts me

Still those other feelings cathartic freeing

new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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43 FallWinter 2015 Move

Next theme Root

For the Spring 2016 issue tell

us your stories about rooting

around taking root being

uprooted or root-bound getting

to the root of a problem being

the root of the problem rooting

someone on Share stories and

ideas about beginnings origins

and foundations Analyze a

historical or contemporary

grassroots effort Describe

the tension between staying

put and being stuck Send your

submission (400 words maxi-

mum) by February 15 2016 to

postsoregonhumanitiesorg

Submissions may be edited for

space or clarity

Listen to Your Body

I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y

motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease

Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit

and spot-on timing Though she was confined

to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was

still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her

sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-

cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone

have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but

aching joints diminished strength and a fal-

tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back

Those maladies werenrsquot the result of

chronic disease More like lack of exercise At

some point in the past decade or so I developed

an aversion to any fitness routine That choice

has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo

class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community

Center

Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the

center for the past thirty-six years teaches

the dance-infused workout three days a week

Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at

the core of each class She dispenses praise as

we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform

deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements

and she encourages each of us to breathe and

listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably

youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying

ballet seriously By then her versatility as an

actress singer dancer and comedian had been

evident in community theater productions in

the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although

not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few

years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe

continues to lead a full life She can still stand

and press her palms flat to the floor despite

relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip

notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg

and stretch at the barre

A role model for agi ng wit h presence and

dignity Lynn maintains her considerable

charm and elegance and purposely keeps her

body and mind active Like my mother she

is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has

inspired me to accept what my body can do

today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow

Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for

getting up in the morning And by some mea-

sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE

Portland

Over the Hill

I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D

eleven times in three years I worked spring

through fall as a natural history guide in

Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure

where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned

into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply

moved around A lot With each new tempo-

rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked

clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was

nothing

At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the

person who would become my life partner

another seasonal worker We would move from

Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We

lived one magical off-season on a houseboat

on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the

ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught

me I loved wide-open spaces What could be

wider than the Pacific A fter one more season

of guiding I came back to the coast and decided

to stay

I volunteered my way into one steady job

and eventually landed another at the local

college After a few more seasons my partner

came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota

and we bought another together He built a

business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our

hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and

had a child Wersquod officially settled down

The economic hardships of rural living

however are real job opportunities decline

and can no longer support the life wersquove built

The accumulation of years no longer fits into

the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner

took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast

and we lived as a split family The split was tax-

ing though so we decided to make the move

to the city We left the first community of our

adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven

ourselves The only community our daughter

has even known Friends asked me not to go

Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart

still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the

sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes

at the memory of that moon over Tillamook

Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot

nothingmdashitrsquos every thing

NANCY SLAVIN Portland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities44

Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm

LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015

This intertwined story of two

teenage girls and their mothers

is set in New Orleans during

and after Hurricane Katrina

In her debut novel Urbani an

Oregon writer with Southern

roots brings a maternal touch

to the narrative handling trag-

edy with a careful soulfulness

and love This honest yet brutal

story will simultaneously break

and warm your heart

mdashAnnie Kaffen

At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015

Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French

Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the

Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural

French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-

tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans

and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a

snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland

Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015

Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the

Oregon physician and radicalrsquos

extraordinary experiences

from her early years working in

a textile mill in New Bedford

Massachusetts through her

activist years in Oregon includ-

ing a three-year term at San

Quentin State Prison Equi lived

openly as a lesbian beginning in

the 1890s and was one of the

first practicing female doctors

in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and

compassion for others with a

strong personal belief in social

and economic justice

mdashCarole Shel lhart

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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45 FallWinter 2015 Move

People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015

This debut collection from

Portland writer Margaret

Malone is filled with brief

bitterly funny stories about the

sort of people who tie them-

selves in knots in their heads

and feel uncomfortable in their

own skin and can never quite

bring themselves to say the

words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point

includes all of us

mdashBen Waterhouse

The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015

Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer

The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with

Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research

for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the

first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of

revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced

a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer

in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he

writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo

mdashMaggie Starr

To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for

Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon

Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205

Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe

Sasquatch Books 2015

Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter

Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt

to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography

in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers

a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden

rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance

sounds smells and much more

mdashBen Waterhouse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities46

Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson

February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum

1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg

CROPPINGS

Wendy Red Star Untitled

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4748

Oregon Humanities programs are

funded by the National Endowment

for the Humanities and the Oregon

Cultural Trust and by contributions from

individuals foundations community

organizations and corporations For

more information about Oregon

Humanities or to learn how you can help

more Oregonians get together share

ideas listen think and grow please

contact us at

921 SW Washington Street Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax

(503) 241-0024

ohmoregonhumanitiesorg

oregonhumanitiesorg

Staff

e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r

Adam Davis

facilitation and tra ining manager

Rachel Bernstein

communicationsprogram associate

Eloise Holland

editorassociate director

Kathleen Holt

development director

Kamla Hurst

program officer

Annie Kaffen

office manager

Mikaela Schey

director of finance and oper ations

Carole Shellhart

development associate

Maggie Starr

communications associate

Ben Waterhouse

program coordinator

Kyle Weismann-Yee

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4848

Board of Directorsch a i r

Sona Karentz Andrews Portland

v ic e ch a i r

Janet Webster Newport

tr e a s u r e r

Jeff Cronn Portland

secretary

Matthew Boulay Salem

Paul Duden Portland

Kimberly Howard Portland

Nels Johnson Portland

Emily Karr Portland

Shannon Mara Bend

Win McCormack Portland

Alberto Moreno Portland

Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego

Ron Paul Portland

Denise Reed Astoria

Chantal Strobel Bend

Dave Weich Portland

Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED

Non-profit Org

US Postage

PAID

Permit No 1274

Portland OR

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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12

Whose State Is This

by brent walthLegal measures targeting

Latino Oregonians reflect fears

of change

17

Community in Flux

by lisa loving

A long-persecuted people

begins to speak out

22

This Way through Oregon

by eric gold and tar a

ra e mi ner The flow of salmon waste

traffic and laws

Departments

4

Editorrsquos Note

6

Field Work

Partnership with Portland

Playhouse Pints and

Pulitzers Power and PlaceJoaquin Lopez OH News

Thanks to our funders Talking

about Dying

11

From the Director

40

PostsReaders write about ldquoMoverdquo

44

Read Talk Think

At the Hearth of the Crossed Races

by Melinda Marie Jetteacute Marie

Equi Radical Politics and Outlaw

Passionsby Michael Helquist Landfallby Ellen Urbani

Portlandness A Cultural Atlas by

David Banis and Hunter Shobe People Like Youby Margaret

Malone The Last Love Song by

Tracy Daugherty

46

Croppings

Contemporary Native

Photographers and the Edward

Curtis Legacy Zig Jackson

Wendy Red Star Will Wilson at

Portland Art Museum

3 FallWinter 2015

27

So to Speak

by l a i l a l a l a miMoving between languages to

find a voice

31

Getting Out

by loretta stinson

A shift in perspective helps a

woman move on for good

36

All the Same Ocean

by ja so n a ri a s

Finding the horizon in a life

rocked with waves

P H O T O B Y I N T

I S A R A B I O T O

Features Move

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities4

This issuersquos cover ldquoIn Search of Tomor-

rowrdquo is by photographer Minh Carrico from

Edmonds Washington

If yoursquore an artist and have work that we

might consider for the Spring 2016 issue

on the theme ldquoRootrdquo wersquod love to know

about it Please familiarize yourself with our

publication (back issues viewable online at

oregonhumanitiesorg) then send us the

following by February 22 2016

bull A high-resolution digital image (300 dpi at

8rdquo x 10rdquo scans or photographs JPEG or

TIFF)

bull Your name the title of the work the type

of media as well as contact information

(email and phone number)

bull Description of the relationship of the

image to the theme

Please consider the constraints of a

magazine cover (eg vertical orientation

nameplate and cover lines) We are most

interested in works by Oregon-based artists

Submissions can be sent to

artoregonhumanitiesorg or by post

to Oregon Humanities magazine

921 SW Washington St Suite 150 Portland

OR 97205

Objects in Motion

T H E L A S T TIME I S A W MY DA D O N TH E MA INL A ND

was when he and my stepmom were ta ki ng a cruise to

Alaska from Seat tle My husba nd and kid s and I drove up to

spend some time with them before their ship left Traversing

the hilly downtown streets it was obvious that my dadrsquos Par-

kinsonrsquos was progressing as that disease does While my young

children zigzagged up and down the sidewalksmdashpeeling off to

climb sculptures steps and plantersmdashmy dad shuffled behind

using their side trips to rest and catch his breath and crack a joke

My stepmom fretted that he didnrsquot want to use a walker or a

wheelchai r which would make the going easier Though it wasdifficult to see him struggle against his new physical limita-

tions I understood why he stubbornly did so his identity has

always been grounded in his bodymdashas a soldier a police officer

an athlete

In his pre-Parkinsonrsquos life he was six-foot-one and two

hundred pounds On the days he picked me up from elemen-

tary school fresh off the day shift hersquod unfold himself from

his patrol car and loom above us formidable in his dark blue

uniform The kidsmdashsmall and weary from a day of jostling for

knowledge and power and allegiancesmdashlooked up to him mar-

veled at him feared him Later at home he would cha nge into a

t-shirt and be the easygoing father I adored the one whorsquod letme draw on his long brown arms and legs when I was bored the

one whorsquod warm up tomato soup and cockta il wieners and call

it dinner I remember him being playful and relaxed with me

even in those days when he and my mother were going through

a painful divorce

That afternoon in Seattle we stopped to rest in my par-

entsrsquo hotel room My son continued his antics climbing on and

touching everything he could My husband and I grimaced and

scolded hustling around the small room t rying to prevent dam-

age My dad rested in an armchair jovially remarking on how

many years of trouble we had in front of us

A couple of week s ago my stepmom called to say t hey were

talking to a gerontologist and putting together end-of-life

plans She and I consulted in a strangely businesslike fashion

about my dadrsquos do-not-resuscitate requests she wa rned me

that she needed me to stick to the plan if she in that future

moment vacillated I a ssured her I would hold steady even as

I wondered if I could

When my dad got on the phone I asked him how things were

going He made light as he always does except when we talked

about importa nt things like money bad weather and sports He

joked about how my stepmom wasnrsquot letti ng him eat foods heliked about how she was a bully making him stick to his physi-

cal therapy regimen He sounded like the dad of my youth

Earlier this fall a friend reminded me that the word iner-

tia didnrsquot mean only what I thought it meant Irsquod been think-

ing about it exclusively as meaning immobile Irsquod forgotten the

other definition from high school physics class ldquothe tendency

of objects to keep moving in a straight line at constant velocityrdquo

Though either definition describes the life I sometimes live Irsquom

not sure which should bother me more being stuck or being on

a track resistant to cha nging course or speed

On the phone with my dad I pushed a little asking pointedly

about the meetings w ith the gerontologist and he simply saidldquoItrsquos hardrdquo His voice quavered a bitmdashthe Parkinsonrsquos This day

This life Those t wo words seemed loaded with weariness and

resignation

Then he quickly reverted to teasing saying loudly that my

stepmom and his gerontologist were ganging up on him I heard

laughter in the background and he shifted topics asking about

the kids I mentioned that Emmett was doing well in soccer and

basketball he expressed no surprise chuckling about my sonrsquos

activity in Seattle We laughed We joked We were back on track

kathleen holt Editor

kholtoregonhumanitiesorg

Editorrsquos Note

Cover Art Ideas for ldquoRootrdquo

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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5 FallWinter 2015

You fundYou fund The Trust We in turn fund the strummers writers

cloud dancers and dreamers who make Oregon Oregon

DOUBLE the impact of your favorite cultural donation for FREE

1) Donate to your favorite organization(s) 2) If theyrsquore one of

our 1400 cultural nonprofits donate that same amount to the

Cultural Trust 3) Take that same amount off your state taxes

Easy Learn more and donate at CulturalTrustorg

DONATE$ TO AN ORG

FUELOREGONCULTURE

$ TO THE TRUST

AND GET THE

SAME $ BACK

DONATE+ =

IN TWANG WE TRUST

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities6

HUMA NITIES ACROSS OREGON

Field Work

Donnell Alexander leads a

conversat ion about hip hop on

the stage of Portland Playhousersquos

production of How We Got On

How We Got OnOregon Humanities and Portland Playhouse

partner for an evening of hip hop and

conversation

O N E E V E N I N G I N O C T O B E R P O R T -

land Playhousersquos stage was set not for the

production of How We Got On by Idris Goodwin

which opened at the end of September but for

a conversation about local hip hop culture rap

music and how musicians break into the scene

A s more than sixty peoplemdashincluding a

couple of groups of teens and adults of all

agesmdashfound their seats around the stage DJ Verbz set the tone of the evening with a mix of

local hip hop music

ldquoHow We Got On A Hip Hop Conversationrdquo

wa s org an iz ed by Oregon Hum an ities and

Portland Playhouse to bring residents

together to talk about some of the themes and

ideas presented in the play How We G ot On

One of Portland Playhousersquos goals says Artis-

tic Director Brian Weaver is to engage audi-

ences beyond traditional theater talk-backs

Donnell Alexander who leads an Oregon

Humanities Conversation Project called

ldquoNorthwest Mixtape Hip Hop Culture and

Influencesrdquo facilitated the conversation and

designed the eveningrsquos program While plan-

ning the event he brought on Verbz and up-and-coming Portland rapper Glenn Waco who

performed a short set The cast of How We Got

K I M O

A N H N G U Y E N

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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7 FallWinter 20157

Want to keepup with thehumanities inOregon

bull Visit oregonhumanitiesorg

to sign up for our monthly

enewsletter

bull Like us on Facebook

bull Follow us on Twitter

On also performed a scene from the play

W ha t st art ed as a conv er sati on ab out

what makes Por tland hip hop unique evolved

into a discussion that touched on everything

from redliningmdashthe practice of denying mort-

gages to people who live in certai n areas based

on the racial makeup of those areasmdashto the

Telecommunications Act of 1996 to what itrsquos

like to be an artistmdashparticularly an artist of

colormdashin Portland

Ithica Tell an actress who performs the

role of the Selector in How We Got On talked

about the difficulty of seeing hip hop music

thrive in the Northwest while the black cul-

ture that created it is rejected ldquoItrsquos hard

for black culture and communities to take

root when theyrsquore not nurturedrdquo she saidreferencing an 1857 exclusion clause in

Oregonrsquos constitution that prohibited black

people from living in t he state and that wasnrsquot

repealed until 1926

Alexander who is relati vely new to Port-

land was excited by the opportunity to have

people in a room talking about a topic hersquos

passionate about and one thatmdashespecially

when it comes to the Pacific Nor thwestmdashhersquos

still learning about himself ldquoIn this age of

the Internet we all think we know every-

thing but we donrsquot Itrsquos a living historyrdquo hesaid ldquoItrsquos important that we understand our

environment and the way we start to do that

is by talking to each otherrdquo

ELOISE HOLLAND

Pints and PulitzersThink amp Drink 2016 brings Pulitzer Prize

winners to Oregon

OR E G O N H U M A N I T I E S rsquo T H I N K amp

Drink series will feature Pulitzer Prize

winners and fina lists in eight events around

Oregon in 2016 Conversations with four

renowned writers will take place in Portland

Astoria Bend and Eugene

Think amp Drink which sparks provoca-

tive conversations about big ideas began as a

happy-hour event at a Portland bar in 2009

Alt hough it has since grow n t o fi ll larger ven-

ues the series remains more intimate and

casual than traditional lecture programs

Past guests include Cheryl Strayed UrsulaK Le Guin and Barry Lopez While Oregon

Humanities has presented individual Think

amp Drink events outside of Portland this is

the first time the series will feature the same

guests in multiple communities

The 2016 Think amp Drink series will feature

appearances by novelist Laila Lalami in Port-

land and Bend (read her essay on page 27) jour-

nalist and novelist Heacutector Tobar in Portland

and Eugene journalist and historian Isabel

Wil kerson in Portland a nd Astoria a nd jour-nalist Katherine Boo in Portland

Think amp Drink 2016 is made possible by a

Alberta Rose Theatre 3000 NE Alberta St Portland

700ndash830 pm Doors at 600 pm

Minors with parent or guardian

Series tickets ($50$100) available now at

oregonhumanitiesorg

Think amp Drink

2016A Special Pulitzer Prize Series

FEBRUARY 16

Laila Lalami author of The Moorrsquos Account

February 17 in Bend

APRIL 19

Heacutector Tobar author of Deep Down Dark

The Untold Stories of 33 Men Buried in

a Chilean Mine and the Miracle That Set

Them Free

April 20 in Eugene

JULY 20

Isabel Wilkerson author of The Warmth of

Other Suns The Epic Story of Americarsquos

Great Migration

July 21 in Astoria

OCTOBER 19

Katherine Boo author of Behind the Beautiful

Forevers Life Death and Hope in a

Mumbai Undercity

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities8

T H I N K amp D R I N K R E T U R N S

Oregon Humanitiesrsquo Think amp Drink

returns in 2016 engaging the public to

think and talk about big ideas Thanks

to support from the Pulitzer Centennial

Campfires Initiative this yearrsquos series

wi ll bri ng Pu lit zer Pr ize wi nne rs and

finalists to Portland Astoria Bend and

Eugene The speakers include Laila Lal-

ami Heacutector Tobar Isabel Wilkerson and

Katherine Boo See p 7 for more details

about the series

D E A R S T R A N G E R M O V E D E A R

Stranger OHrsquos letter-writing project

invites Oregonians to write a personal

letter to someone theyrsquove never met

and receive a letter in exchange To par-

ticipate write a letter inspired by thetheme ldquoMoverdquo and send it along with a

self-addressed stamped envelope and a

signed release form to Dear Stranger co

Oregon Humanities 921 SW Washington

St Suite 150 Portland Oregon 97205

Letters must be mailed by January 22

2016 to be exchanged Visit oregonhu-

manitiesorg for complete guidelines and

to download a release form

H O S T A C O N V E R S A T I O N P R O J E C T

Oregon nonprofits and community

groups can apply until January 31 2016

to host Conversation Project discussions

in the spring and summer Visit oregon-

humanitiesorg for more information

and look out for the application window

for 2016ndash17 conversation leaders open-

ing in January

W E L C O M E N E W B O A R D M E M B E ROregon Humanities is pleased to

announce the election of Shannon Mara

to the board of directors this September

Mara has worked in business manage-

ment and consulting in Oregon since

1994 She works with Volunteers in Medi-

cine and Sudara Corp and also serves on

the boards of directors for Opportunity

Knocks and 1859 Media LLC

N E H C E L E B R A T E S F I F T Y Y E A R S

The National Endowment for the

Humanities one of the largest funders

of humanities programs in the country

makes Oregon Humanitiesrsquo work pos-

sible This year the NEH celebrates fifty

years of achievement Since its inception

in 1965 the organization has awarded

63000 grants totaling $53 billion in

order to strengthen teaching research

and lifelong learning around the nation

Oregon Humanities News

$30000 grant from the Pu litzer Prize Centen-

nial Campfires Initiative a $15 million effort

to generate conversations across the country

about the impact of journalism and humanities

on our lives in observation of the hundredth

presentation of the annual awards The Pulit-

zer Prizes established by newspaper publisher

Joseph Pulitzer in his will recognize excel-

lence in journalism letters and music

Season tickets to the Portland events which

will take place at the Alberta Rose Theatre are

available now at albertarosetheatrecom Tick-

ets for events outside of Portland will be avail-

able through local venues

BEN WATERHOUSE

Power and PlaceOregon Humanities launches a project to

explore land loss by communities of color

A F T E R R E C E I V I N G A N O V E R W H E L M -

ingly enthusiastic response to the video

Future Portland Kathleen Holtmdashwho coordi-

nated the production of the video for Oregon

Humanitiesmdashknew there were more stories

like this one that needed telling The video

which wa s made by ma gazi ne contr ibutor

Ifanyi Bell and Brushfire Creative Partners

tells the story of loss and hope in Portlandrsquos

black communities It was powerful Holt says

because it showed the effects of displacement

on people and how that experience feels

Inspired by the impact the video had on

Oregonians Oregon Humanities is launch-

ing a new multimedia project that will collect

and connect stories about the loss of lands and

power by communities of color Combining

technology arts and the humanities the proj-

ect will culminate in a website featuring videos

photos maps timelines graphics words and

other content created by artists and writers of

color to express Oregonrsquos stories of land and

power loss as well as peoplersquos responses to this

loss including thriving and resistance

Holt says the goal of this undertak ing is toshare with Oregonians the sometimes hidden

histories and contributions of communities

of color ldquoItrsquos important for citizens t o under-

stand how the world takes shape around us

Once we have that awareness we can take

steps to change and improve our communityrdquo

she says By creating a space to express many

different stories side by side Oregon Human-

ities aims to help build a broader understand-

ing of how policies and legislation influence

systems of power and landownership in Ore-

gonrsquos past a nd present

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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9 FallWinter 2015

Joaquin LopezThis project which is made possible by a

$110000 grant from the Creative Heights Ini-

tiative of the Oregon Community Foundation

wi ll create a place for ar tis ts and writer s of

color to share their work and will invite more

stories Holt says ldquoThis project is just the

beginning We hope to create a place for these

kinds of stories to live and be shared By set-

ting up this place other stories will come to usrdquo

The website is expected to launch in January

2017 To watch Future Portland visit oregon-

humanitiesorg

JULIA WITHERS

The Power of Story

Idea Lab guest inspires students to find meaningin stories

W H E N M U S I C I A N A N D C O M M U N I T Y

advocate Joaquin Lopez is able to con-

vince yout h that they have the power to make

their own lives meaningful he says ldquothey

become the owners of their own experiencerdquo

This summer Lopez shared his story with 120

rising high school seniors from around the

state at Oregon Humanitiesrsquo Idea Lab Sum-

mer Institute

A Partnership to Promote PublicConversation Around Palliative Care

The Cambia Health Foundation is proud to partner with Oregon Humanities to

help communities across Oregon talk about what maers most

Learn more at oregonhumanitiesorg

R U S S E L L

J Y O U N G

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities10

FundersKeep OregonListeningLearning andExploring

Thanks to the support of

our generous funders

Oregon Humanities

brings tens of thousands

of Oregonians togethermdash

face-to-face online and

on the pagemdashto talk

listen and learn from one

another The following

funders have recently

offered support to make

Oregon a more dynamic

and vital place to live

bull The Oregon Community

Foundation $110000

Creative Heights grant

to pursue a multimedia

project that explores land

loss by communities of

color in Oregon

bull The Maybelle Clark

Macdonald Fund

$20000 for matching

new and increased dona-tions over the last year

bull The Rose E Tucker

Charitable Trust $6500

for Conversation Project

bull Emily Georges Gott-

fried Fund $2000 for a

pilot project training high

school students to lead

community conversations

bull Union Bank of California

Foundation $2000 for

Humanity in Perspective

Idea Lab is a three-day program that brings

Oregon teachers and high school juniors

together to explore the pursuit of happiness

and how it shapes our world Students from

diverse communities and economic back-

grounds engage with big ideas through work-

shops lectures films and conversations This

year the weekend concluded with a special pre-

sentation by Lopez

Incorporating personal narrative lecture

and Latin American folk music into his perfor-

mance Lopez focused on the power of stories

to connect people to history themselves and

the world Lopez shared with Idea Lab students

how he came to terms with his ow n identity as

a queer Latino man by realizing that hersquos the

author of his own story and the creator of his

own happiness Students gave Lopez a stand-

ing ovation they appreciated his honesty

openness and confidence Courtney Ford astudent from De La Salle North Catholic High

School commented ldquoHe left the audience with

ldquoAt Idea Lab I learned to see

the world not just as what it was

but as what it could berdquomdashMark Delgado Oregon Humanities Idea Lab alumnus (2010) and counselor (2015)

Help more Oregonians connect to life-changing ideas

Visit giveguideorgoregonhumanities to make a gift

through the Willamette Week rsquos 2015 GiveGuide

inspiration to truly be themselvesrdquo

Lopez believes in the potential of the

humanities to engage and empower people In

his work with youth at the Latino Networkmdash

a nonprofit with locations in Portland and

Gresham that promotes social change by unit-

ing the Latino communitymdashLopez manages

Studio Latino an after-school program that

focuses on Latin American arts and culture

The program was piloted last spring and this

year it will enter Reynolds High School in

Troutdale Gresham High School and Alder

Elementary in Portland Lopez works to incor-

porate themes of perseverance personal char-

acter and cultural identity into the program so

that students can bring those values with them

beyond high school

For Lopez creating spaces where youth can

be themselves and connect with each other is

a powerful way to make change ldquoStories havethe capacity to heal they remind us that we are

all in this togetherrdquo

JULIA WITHERS

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11 FallWinter 2015 FROM THE DIRECTOR

W H E N I W A S FIVE A ND L IVING IN A

small Minnesota city my fatherrsquos par-

ents visited from New York On Sunday morn-

ing we went as usual to Perkins where I did

what my parents had prepared me to do I asked

for pancakes but no bacon With enthusiasm

and pride I told my grandparentsmdashMoshe and

Lottie to most people Saba and Sabtah to memdash

that because they were there I was only having

pancakes no bacon

Two decades later I went to visit the fam-

ily of the woman who is now my wife While

most of the family ate snappy cheese and corn

pudding inside the Millersburg Kentucky

home my wifersquos fatherrsquos mother asked me on

the back porch what my belief was about Jesus

Christ She listened to the first tepid sentence

of my response and thanked me and walked

into the kitchen to urge her granddaughter to

be careful

A few years ago I went with my wife and

kids to the funeral of my wifersquos motherrsquos third

husband in a Southern Baptist church in a

small town in South Carolina In a departurefrom the churchrsquos usual practice a well-

known local musician sang ldquoImaginerdquo Two

of the three eulogies were delivered from the

altar by gay men When the preacher led us in

prayer and song my kids and I and I think my

wife were silent We knew neither the words

nor the tune

My kids now ten and eight tell people who

ask that they are both Christian and Jewish I

suspect my grandparents and my wifersquos grand-

parents would have said they are neither

I donrsquot think my kids know that they are a

thoroughly contemporary diluted amalgam

of Presbyterian Southern Baptist and Jew

Therersquos Scotch-Irish and English and Lithu-

anian and Polish in there Therersquos Kentucky

and Alabama and New York and Israel and

Minnesota and Chicago Therersquos other stuff

too They see themselves as OregoniansIn a short essay thatrsquos been on my mind re-

cently the author Toureacute thinks through how

he will raise children with his soon-to-be wife

He writes that it will be his job not hers to

bring blackness into the home He tries in his

essay to figure out what that could mean but

he seems certain that the job belongs to him

Earlier this fall at the Confederated Tribes

of Grand Rondersquos Third Annual History and

Culture Summit there was a good deal of

attention to cultural inheritancemdashwhat we

receive and what we pass on Several peoplespoke of thinking seven generations back and

seven generations forward I canrsquot go back four

and find the looking forward even hardermdashand

there we were thinking about this at just the

third-annual summit an old culture becoming

new again

This summit got me thinking about how

the more pressure your culture is undermdashthe

more persecution and threat it suffersmdashthe

more likely you may be to think carefully about

preserving it recognizing it passing it on

One thing thatrsquos been passed on to me is

an undiluted commitment to questions This

time of year with the holidays and their vari-

ous rituals upon us my big question is about

what Toureacute calls his job

Merry or happy or bountiful or blessed

whatever everyone and also this what of

what yoursquove received do you want to pass on

What would you be fine leaving behind And

what can you do to transmit the good stuff

inherited or acquired later seven generations

hence

What We Pass On

A DA M DAV IS

K I M N

G U Y E N

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Oregon Humanities12

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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13 FallWinter 2015 Move

Whose StateIs This

Legal measures targeting LatinoOregonians reflect fears of change

I N TH E A U TU MN O F 1 980 TE R E S A A L O NS O L E O NrsquoS FA TH E R DE C IDE D TO TA KE A

rare day off from working in the fields near Clackamas to bring his daughters to what he thought

was a publ ic pa rk Alonso Leon who was five and her sister played catch their feet crunchingfallen leaves as they ran across the grass Then a car pulled up The driver got out and shouted at

Alonso Leonrsquos father The man spoke in English but her father spoke only SpanishmdashAlonso Leon

too They had only recently arrived from the southern state of Michoacaacuten Mexico to their new

home in Oregon The man grew more agitated gesturing and raising his voice until her father

gathered the girls and left

ldquoIt was a golf course or someplace people didnrsquot want kids playingrdquo Alonso Leon who is now

forty-one recalls ldquoMy father couldnrsquot read the signs and we had no idea what the man was saying

But the way the man spoke to my father that just stuck with merdquo

Alonso Leonrsquos fami ly are modern-day Movers people who made Oregon their destination of

hope for prosperity renewal and survival But her family would not have fit the original ideal

Movers was the nineteenth-century nickname for settlers who drove west in covered wagons

ldquoRestlessness was their dominant traitrdquo historian Malcolm Clark Jr wrote in his 1981 book Eden

Seekers ldquoThe gene of it was passed from father to son as a part of the act of procreation The fron-

tier was constantly reproducing itselfrdquo

For centuries the new Oregonians worked to make sure the reproducing gene was white W hen

it won statehood in 1859 Oregon was part of the anti-slavery Northmdashif only because its constitu-

tion excluded blacks from living within the statersquos borders (The provision wasnrsquot removed until

1926) Native tribes were shuffled to reservations and Chinese workers were attacked by white

residents in Oregon City La Grande and several other communities

The twentieth-century brought more hostility In 1920 state law required non-English news-

papers to print English translations Portlandrsquos black population swelled when the cityrsquos ship-

yards expanded during World War II and city leaders segregated African Americans in North

and Northeast Portland neighborhoods and nearby Vanport a slapdash public housing project ina floodplain near the Columbia River The state didnrsquot outlaw discrimination in housing restau-

rants hotels and other accommodations until the 1950s

BRENT WALTH

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities14

Oregon can no longer look in a mirror and see a bleached face

staring back In 1980 the first year the first year the CensusBureau included ldquoHispanicrdquo as a n ethnic category fewer than 7

percent of people in the state identified themselves as anything

other than ldquowhiterdquo Now according to the most recent Census

numbers nearly one quarter identify a s something other than

ldquowhite alonerdquo

The definition of what it means to be an Oregonian has

shifted as the state has seen immigrants from Asia Eastern

Europe and Africa The biggest shift has been in the statersquos

Latino population which has grown five times faster than the

state as a whole According to the Census 125 percent of the

population now identifies as Hi spanic or Latino Several cities

now count Latinos as the majority

One of those cities is Woodburn a Marion County town of

24000 where Alonso Leon now serves as a member of the city

council and where an acceptance of languages other than Eng-

lish has helped the community deal with change ldquoIf you donrsquot

have that you instead have misunderstanding and mispercep-

tions about other peoplerdquo Alonso Leon says ldquoWersquore not sitting

down together often enough as it isrdquo

Oregon has become a state of many languages But a small

effective and (many say) xenophobic group is pushing to put

a measure on the 2016 ballot that would declare English as the

statersquos official language Oregonians will need to decide if fear will divide the state over race ethnicity and how we talk to each

other

JIM LUDWICK SEES A DAY WHEN AMERICANS WILL BE

expected to speak both English and Spanish It worries him

ldquoBeing a bilingual country is breaking down people accord-

ing to where they came from rather than encouraging everyone

to be unitedrdquo Ludwick says ldquoItrsquos a tragedy waiting to happenrdquo

Ludwick a retired pharmaceuticals salesman from McMin-

nville is cofounder of Oregonians for Immigration Reform

which is pushing the Engl ish-only measure Since its found-

ing in 2000 the group has argued that the federal govern-

mentrsquos failure to enforce immigration laws has wreaked havoc

on the country The g roup opposes any government privileges

for undocumented residents including schools and health

care Oregonians for Immigration Reform he says favors the

deportation of anyone the government discovers is living in the

country illegally That includes the estimated 120000 undocu-

mented people living in Oregonmdasha number thatrsquos actually fallen

in recent years ldquoThis country was founded on the rule of lawrdquoLudwick says ldquoWersquore now seeing people openly violating our

immigration laws while try ing to impose new laws on usrdquo

For years Oregonians for Immigration Reform wasnrsquot taken

seriously in Salem or seen as a political threat Its leadersrsquo ten-

dency to broadbrush Latinos leaves many people uncomfort-

able When asked about immigration for example Ludwick

steers the conversation to ldquoillegalsrdquo stealing Social Security

numbers Mexicans run ning drugs a nd undocumented resi-

dents committing other crimes

The Southern Poverty Law Center a Montgomery Ala-

bamandashbased watchdog on issues of discrimination maintains a

nationwide list of ldquonativist extremistrdquo groups it says go beyondadvocating on immigration policy to targeting immigrants

themselves Oregonians for Immigration Reform is one of nine-

teen groups on the organizationrsquos nationwide list

Ludwick says this characterization of his group is unfair ldquoIf

I even question our immigration policies then Irsquom a racistrdquo he

says ldquoThatrsquos not it at all I want the United States to be a great

country that welcomes people from all over as we always have

But itrsquos foolish to think it will be i f we continue with our immi-

gration policiesrdquo

The grouprsquos status as an outsidermdashand its leaderrsquos view of its

place in Oregon politicsmdashchanged in 2014

Oregon once had relatively lax laws when it came to granting

driversrsquo licenses Starting in 2008 the state legislature required

proof of citizenship or legal residency such as a Social Security

number or other papers Latino groups (long courted by the

Democrats who run Salem) spent the next five years pushing

to overturn the law They succeeded in 2013 when lawmakers

established a ldquodriverrsquos cardrdquo for residents who could not prove

they were in the country legally

Oregonians for Immigration Reform fought the new law by

gathering the 58000 signatures needed to put the question on

the November 2014 ballot A ldquoyesrdquo vote would uphold the leg-

islaturersquos actions Backers including some farm groups saidthe measure was practical and compassionate But the mea-

sure became a proxy for frustration about the nationrsquos broken

The definition of what

it means to be anOregonian has shiftedas the state has seenimmigrants from AsiaEastern Europe and Africa The biggest shifthas been in the statersquos

Latino population which has grown fivetimes faster than thestate as a whole

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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15 FallWinter 2015 Move

immigration system and Oregon voters crushed the measure

two to one

The victory Ludwick says shows Oregonians agree with his

grouprsquos views that immigration is out of control and that the gov-

ernment should not be rewarding people who are here illegally

He says much of the country is with his groupmdashand the suc-

cess of Republican presidential candidate Donald Trumprsquos

rhetoric about immigrants is proof When he announced his

candidacy in June 2015 Trump said Mexico was dumping drug

dealers and rapists into the United States ldquoAnd some I assumerdquo

Trump added ldquoare good peoplerdquo

ldquoWhen he did thatrdquo Ludwick says ldquohe shot right up in the

polls He chose to talk about immigration because hersquos a guy who

likes leverage He knows thatrsquos a subject that appeals to regular

Americansrdquo

O R E GO N S A W ITS L A TINO P O P U L A TIO N GR O W A FTE R World War II when the United States opened its borders to bra-

ceros guest workers from Mexico who labored in the fields The

program ended in the mid-1960s but the statersquos farmers were

by then dependent on migrant workers United Farm Workers

(UFW ) leader Cesar Chavez often brought his protests to Ore-

gon denouncing the low wages unsafe conditions and abysmal

housing for many of the statersquos estimated 40000 migrant work-

ers half of whom took seasonal jobs in the Willamette Valley

The UFWrsquos actions sparked backlash against Latinos in

many places but Oregon turned away from a cultural battle In

1971 the Republican-controlled legislature passed a bill to stop

farmworkers from organizing They put intense pressure onthen-Governor Tom McCallmdasha fellow Republican who grew up

in a ranching familymdashto sign it McCall nearly did but protests

and vigils against the bill moved him (as did Chavezrsquos threats of

boycotts) and it troubled him that the state was about to deny

rights and protections for people who came here to work ldquoHellrdquo

McCall said when the bill-signing deadline approached ldquoIrsquom

going to veto that son of a bitchrdquo And he did Over the years

many migrants stopped moving around and settled in the Wil-

lamette Valley and they beckoned others from their home coun-

tries to join them

Teresa Alonso Leonrsquos family was among those who heard the

call Her parents arrived in Oregon without documentation Her

father left their home in Michoacaacuten in early 1980 and moved

to Clackamas where relatives had told him he could find bet-

ter-paying work than he had in Mexico In Oregon her parents

worked at least two jobs at a ti me often seven days a week For

four years her family lived in a ramshackle house in Gervais

without plumbing They used a n outhouse and hauled in buck-

ets of water filled from a garden hose to cook and clean In the

winter the water stored in the buckets indoors froze

Her parents wanted their children to avoid the life they had

as laborers and for Alonso Leon school was transformative She

quickly saw the need to learn Englishmdashher teachers made herrepeat first grade because she struggled with the new language

But she soon caught up and became the familyrsquos translator

during doctorrsquos visits or meetings at her school

ldquoI had to become the spokesperson for the familyrdquo she says

In 1986 Congress passed an immigration amnesty bill that

offered legal residency to 29 million people Not yet a teenager

Alonso Leon represented her parents as they met the require-

ments to earn legal status gathering work histories from past

employers studying US history and demonstrating basic Eng-

lish skills (Her parents earned legal residency that covered

Alonso Leon She became a US citizen in 2013)

Her family eventually moved to Woodburn where she

attended high school before earning her GED through a pro-

gram at the University of Oregon She went on to graduate from

Wester n Ore gon Uni versity and Portland Stat e University

where she earned a masterrsquos degree in public administration

Alonso Leon has spent most of her career looki ng for ways to

make school more avai lable to low-income students or those who

are the first in their families to attend college At Portland Com-munity College she helped develop a program to guide migrant

students in adjusting to their first year in college Today she

runs the state of Oregonrsquos GED program in the Department of

Community Colleges and Workforce Development which each

year helps 1700 students gain their high-school equivalency

Families like hers have worked here for decades paying ta xes

and working to offer their children better lives And Alonso

Leon worries that Oregon will declare its government recog-

nizes only English

ldquoIt sends the message that as a state wersquore denying that peo-

ple should be able to live here and speak their native languagerdquo

Alonso Leon says ldquo It also sends the message t hat i mmigrantsarrive and reject the language thatrsquos spoken here Thatrsquos not the

case People try to learn English because they wa nt to succeedrdquo

Alonso Leonrsquos parents still struggle with English even a fter

three decades in Oregon Mastering the language she says often

requires education and trainingmdashsomething that her parents

and many other immigra nts have lacked

ldquoMy parents worked two or three jobs at a time at low wages

all these yearsrdquo she says ldquoYou can say to my parents lsquoWhy have

you not done a better job of learning Englishrsquo The answer is

they spent all their time making sure their children were fed

and clothedrdquo

THE MEASUR E SUPPORTED BY OREGONIANS FOR IMMI-

gration Reform would if passed by voters require state and

local governments to conduct business in English Oregon

law already requires that in many cases even though Oregon

is one of nineteen states without a blanket official-language

declaration

But the Oregon measure could go beyond what other states

impose its language suggests that (with some exceptions) it

could become illegal for government agencies to provide com-

munications with the public in languages besides Englishmdash

despite the fact that 15 percent of Oregonians speak a languageother than English at home Portland Public Schools for exam-

ple prints materials for parents in several languagesmdasha practice

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities16

Ludwick says is a waste of money

Ludwick recalls an illustration he saw in a social studies text-

book he had in high school ldquoIt was of this giant cooking potrdquo

he says ldquoPeople from all over the world are jumping inmdashpeople

with sombreros and so on And in the picture Uncle Sam is stir-

ring itmdashstirring the pot the melting pot And the people who had

jumped in earlier are now climbing out dressed like Americans

They had coats and ties onrdquo

ldquoThe point isrdquo he says ldquoit was about assimilation It used to

be you come to America to become an American Not a Hispanic

American New immigrants today donrsquot want to be assimilated

They want to divide themselves off from us while imposing their

cultural beliefs on usrdquo

The threat Ludwick sees is about more than language Itrsquos

about influence and powermdashless about reforming immigration

laws than it is about forcing a cultural norm on Oregonrsquos immi-

grants His grouprsquos attention to Latinos in particular is basedin sheer numbersmdash40 percent of immigrants in Oregon were

born in Mexicomdashbut also on the success of organi zations such

as Causa Oregon to push a political agenda These groups have

had some victories including a 2013 law allowing college tuition

grants for undocumented students who attended Oregon high

schools But the doors of power have not been knocked open

The state has seen only one Latino elected official statewide

(former state schools superintendent Susan Castillo) and only

a handf ul of legislators

What Oregonians for Immigration Reform plays on is fearmdash

the fear of a non-Latino majority losing influence and facing

discrimination for not speaking Spanish In its troubled his-tory Oregon has turned on the ldquootherrdquo foreigners blacks any

faceless group accused of stealing something from the rest of us

including jobs culture andmdashnowmdashlanguage

The last thing Oregon needs is another dark chapter of rac-

ism disguised as nationalistic duty What the state could use

instead is a moment of illumination and courage

Itrsquos happened before in another context A half century ago

Oregon set out to protect its farms and forests by carefully plan-

ning for the rapid population growth that was coming Its lead-

ers (primari ly Governor Tom McCall) engaged in a long often

rending discussion about the need for land-use laws Invective

followedmdashfoes called Oregon a communist state and voters in

many parts of the state would still erase land-use laws from the

books in a hea rtbeat given the chance But it took someone with

guts to cha llenge hardened beliefs and prepare Oregon for the

future

Itrsquos time for another conversation this one about the chang-

ing face of the state Oregonrsquos long history with a whites-only

club running things is ending Imagine seeing a leader in Oregon

brave enough to embrace that futuremdashespecially now that the

nationrsquos political debate is oozing anti-immigrant poison

A future Oregon leader who gets up the nerve to t alk about

the value of a more diverse Oregonmdashand the need to account

for itmdashneed look no further than Woodburn a city that thirty

years ago no one would predict would be a model for cultural

tolerance The town struggled with change as Latino and Rus-

sian immigrants came to the area Today Woodburn proudly

talks of its ldquoLittle Mexicordquo business district The school district

has seen enormous success in graduating students from high

school in large part because of its bilingual approach in theclassroom The city routinely sends out information about the

library parks and water bills in English and Spanish And the

cityrsquos website has a button that allows visitors to translate its

pages into thirty-six lang uages

Alonso Leon says that despite Woodburnrsquos progress the city

has a lot of ground to gain when it comes to making itself open

to everyone She says the city council rarely sees members of the

Latino community appear before it and that the only Spanish

speakers who attend meetings on a regular basis are usually her

parents who like to watch her in action She says the city has

formed a committee to find ways Woodburn can knock down

cultural and language barriers that keep non-English speakersfrom believing they have a role in civic debates

ldquoWe need to do more to make ourselves inviting and avail-

ablerdquo she says ldquoTelling people only English is acceptable in

government runs against the idea that everyone has the right

to be heardrdquo

Alonso Leon won an appointment to city council in 2013 and

must run for her seat this year if she wa nts to keep it Shersquos never

sought public office before and she could appear on the same

election ballot as Trump and the Oregonians for Immigration

Reform measuremdashan irony that isnrsquot lost on her

Alonso Leon expects a campaign wil l test her Shersquod be the

third Latino elected to the council (shersquos the only one serving

there now) and she says she has never been afraid to tell her story

ldquoIf people are asking questions and scrutinizing who I am

that means theyrsquore considering me or someone like merdquo she

says ldquoAnd that in itself is progressrdquo

Brent Walth has been an Oregon journalist since 1984 Hersquos

the former managing editor at Willamette Week and senior

investigative reporter for the Oregonian and author of Fire at

Edenrsquos Gate a biography of Oregon Governor Tom McCall

Hersquos now an assistant professor in the University of Oregon

School of Journalism and Communication

The threat Ludwicksees is about more thanlanguage Itrsquos about

influence and power

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17 FallWinter 2015 Move

Communityin Flux

A long-persecuted people begins to speak out

I N P O R T L A N D T H E C H R I S T M A S O F 1 9 4 4 W A S B I T -

terly cold and blanketed in white It snowed for days and

stayed close to freezing as the New Year approached But Port-

landers were distracted from the unusually cruel weather by

news that Portland Mayor Earl Riley was forcing dozens of

Roma out of the citymdashand by God it was about time the news-papers crowed Although many members of the local Kalderash

community of Roma had been working in the Kaiser shipyard

factories for the US war effort elected officials law enforce-

ment and the media fell over themselves to justify r unning the

Roma out of town

The Oregon Journal reported that encouraged by police the

Romamdashdescribed as ldquothe gaily dressed wanderersrdquomdashasked for

assistance to return to Texas and New Mexico because Portland

was ldquotoo coldrdquo for them Mayor R iley p ersuaded the US Of fice

of Price Administration (OPA) the federal bureau in charge of

rationing to issue special gas rations to the Roma so they could

make the drive south

The Oregonian considered this a ldquonotable featrdquo by the mayor

not only because the OPArsquos rationing of items like gas rubber

sugar and butter was so strict but also because Riley was ldquogetting

rid of at least half the gy psies [who] have been afflicting the cityrdquo

ldquoWe are right proud of our mayorrdquo the paper wrote

This was the same Mayor Riley who is purported to be one of

the most corrupt mayors in Portlandrsquos history Though his office

accused the Roma of using fortune-telling as a front for prostitu-

tion Riley allegedly kept a special safe in City Hall just for the

bribes he collected from these same types of criminal opera-

tions He was neither indicted nor punished despite criticism bythe City Club of Portland instead he amassed a fortune in ille-

gal enterprises over his lifetime Meanwhile the Roma families

LISA LOVING

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Oregon Humanities18

A detective and two policemen

escort two arrested Romani women

from the paddy wagon into the

Police Headquarters building at SW

2nd amp Oak in 1951

in Portland barely got by sometimes using abandoned storefronts as homes

Carol Silvermanmdasha professor of cultural anthropology and folklore at the

University of Oregon who has studied worked with and advocated for Roma

locally and around the world for almost forty yearsmdashsays the group of Roma in

Portland who came to work in the shipyards during the war were turned upon

when the war was over ldquoJust like Rosie the Riveter when women no longer were

needed for welding and [were told they] should go back to the homerdquo Silverman

says ldquoit was perceived that this group of Roma was no longer needed in the cityPerceived as foreign outsiders dangerous [they were] given these gas rations to

drive out of staterdquo

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19 FallWinter 2015 Move

COURTESY THOMAS ROBINSON

Roma in America today are a community in flux Families

still identify their lineages through distinct ethnic communi-

ties sometimes called tribes including the Sinti Romanichal

and Kalderash and these communities tend to blend in with

the mainstream In the Northwest a look through local busi-

ness listings will not reveal any obvious groups or organiza-

tions serving them except a handful of very tight-knit Christian

churches Most Kalderash would prefer to live under the radar

says Silverman for a compelling historical reason almost

everywhere theyrsquove gone Roma people have been oppressed by

both government and society

Originally from India Roma communities are traditionally

nomadic From the fourteenth century until the Romanian

emancipation of 1864 Roma were enslaved and traded by the

local nobility in a large area of southern Romania including

Walachia and Moldovia with the support of church institutions

Roma moved to the Northwest in the largest numbers after1864 with Kalderash families settling in the area between 1880

and 1920 Silverman says ldquoFrom the first time they came to

America there were rules regulating where Roma could live and

where they could settle and even the kind of work they could do

Many cities had anti-fortune-telling edicts fortune-telling poli-

cies on the books Some cities actually still have themrdquo

Accused of being naturally inferior and prone to crime Roma

people in the Northwest have been targeted and harassed by

local law enforcement and negatively depicted in the media In

1906 the Oregonian wrote ldquoThe police allege that the gypsies

have such a penchant for stealing everything that is not nai led

down that it is necessary always to lsquokeep an eye on themrsquordquo Andthe Ashland Daily Tidings in 1916 wrote ldquoTrue to their inborn

instincts the horde of gypsies which passed through Ashland

last Sunday failed to get out of t he country without committing

a serious depredationrdquo

No scholar has studied discrimination against the Roma as

fully as Ian Hancock a University of Texas at Austin professor of

linguistics English and Asian studies who laid out his findings

in a 2007 research paper He writes that despite five special US

Congressional sessions addressing the increase in anti-Romani

hate crimes in Europe and the correlative increase in Romani

asylum seekers to the United States ldquoThere nevertheless remain

laws on the books in various states and counties that continue

to operate against Gypsies Many of these laws a list of which

fills thirty-four pages were inherited from Europe and were

intended to be used against the earlier Gypsy populations in the

United States they have since found new application against

the more recently arrived and more v isible Eastern European

Roma escaping the post-Communist increase in racial violence

in that region many of whom are seeking political asylum hererdquo

But despite the hostility they have traditionally faced

Romani people have also historically been linchpins of their

local economies Silverman says Roma in Europe worked in

metalcraft which t hey applied in the United States to recopperand re-tin household items at the turn of the century ldquoUntil the

1950s before stainless steel in order to have a working kitchen

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Oregon Humanities20

Most Americanshave no idea

that their owngovernment waspersecuting Romapeople at thesame time Romain Europe werebeing murdered inthe Holocaust

you had to have your pots and pans redonerdquo Silverman says ldquoThis was a real

Romani skillrdquo

This skill in metalwork was perfect for the emerging car industry in 1920s

and rsquo30s America ldquoRoma did this kind of service for many many Northwest

Americans and then eventua lly they got i nto t he car sales businessrdquo Silver-

man says The Romarsquos family-based car repair operations competed directly

with corporate auto repair shops offering an alternative to high-dollar services

with the personal attention of a family business So by World War II not only

was Mayor Riley rsquos expulsion of Roma families cruel but it also likely damaged

the local economy

Most Americans have no idea that their own government was persecut-

ing Roma people at the same time Roma in Europe were being murdered in

the Holocaust The Nazis killed an estimated 220000 to 500000 Roma men

women and childrenmdashperhaps 25 percent of the European Roma populationmdash

between 1935 and 1945 Morgan Ahern a SintiRomanichal Roma and founder

of Seattle-based organization Lolo Diklo Romani Against Racism believes

the number of Roma killed may be as high as 15 million ldquoMany [were killed] inconcentration campsrdquo she says ldquobut many more [were] just shot on the roadrdquo

Silverman agrees that the effect of the Holocaustmdashknown to some Roma as

the Porraimos or ldquothe devouringrdquomdashon the Roma has been ldquoa footnote in most

textbooksrdquo and is only starti ng to be examined in Holocaust museums because

of lobbying by Roma and their allies

Also overlooked in the history of Roma in the United States generations of

Roma children taken from their parents and warehoused in foster care systems

because of lifestyle differences and some families say racism Ahern was one

of those children removed from her family and put into foster care after her

parents were deemed unfit to ta ke care of her because they were Romani and

nomadic

Even today many Romani individuals and families lack birth certificatesand marriage certificates making them vulnerable to government officialsrsquo

whims Silverma n says ldquoThings like being fingerprinted havi ng a birth certifi-

cate might mean that your children are going to be taken away These historic

memories are very very very much alive for Romardquo

After generations of abuse a modest tide of Roma are beginning to speak out

about their civil rights and demand fair t reatment including fair accommoda-

tions in trying to obtain legal documentation for family members who were

born in the United States Silverman who is on the board of the nonprofit Voice

of Roma says she was involved in a c ase in Portland in which it was argued that

oral testimony in a birth is equivalent to a birth certificate ldquoWhen people bear

witness to a marriagerdquo Silverman says ldquoit doesnrsquot matter if therersquos no marriage

certificate It could be issued based on hindsight on memoryrdquo

For a community that has for generations avoided keeping their money in

bank accounts and sending their children to public schools social isolation is

giving way to an emerging movement for empowerment

On the East Coast Kalderash filmmaker George Eli produces films about

his family and is currently building a media channel on Roma And at the

University of Texas Hancock who is Romanichal Roma has spent decades

building the Program of Romani Studies and the Romani Arch ives and Docu-

mentation Center

Ahern founded Lolo Diklo which means ldquored scarfrdquo in 1986 along w ith a

fellow teacher at Seattle Central College The grouprsquos purpose is to document

discrimination and persecution of Romani Ahernrsquos fatherrsquos Romanichal fam-ily have lived in the United States since the 1700s and were originally sent from

Ireland by the British government as slaves Her motherrsquos family were Sinti who

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21 FallWinter 2015 Move

No documentsor oral histories

exist showingwhat happened tothe Roma familiesforced out ofPortland in 1944

arrived in the United States in the late 1930s

fleeing the climate in Germany Her maternal

grandmother pretended to be Italian to get into

the country

Over the years Ahern has traveled through-

out the West Coast lecturing about Roma cul-ture and civil rights She works with Romani

organizations across the United States South

America Canada Europe and Spain

Silverman adds that over the past twenty

years many American Roma have become

born-again Christians establishing their own

churches or joining evangelical congregations

Some of these church leaders are emerging as

community spokespeoplemdashsomething very

new for a community that has been persecuted

for so long ldquoThere are Roma who donrsquot want

to be left alone anymore because they are at a

disadvantage when they are left alonerdquo Silver-

man says ldquoThey are being very brave to actu-

ally interact with t he US court systemrdquo

But despite these efforts even today the dis-

crimination that Roma face by revealing their

heritage remains very real ldquoIn their historical

memory interacting with American institu-

tions has often resulted in a form of marginal-

izationrdquo Silverman says

For example Silverman describes ethnic

profiling by police bureaus through what wereknown as ldquobunco squadsrdquo police bureaus in

the South that had ldquoGypsy unitsrdquo to focus on

ldquoGypsy crimerdquo She says ldquoThis is ethnic profiling of crime

assuming that all Roma commit a certain kind of crime and

certain ki nds of crimes are only committed by Romardquo

The racial profiling of Roma people doesnrsquot stop with law

enforcement it is a staple of local news The language used

in Pacific Northwest news coverage in the past ten years to

describe alleged offenders has hardly changed from what was

writ ten in newspapers in the early 1900s

In 2007 a ldquoNight Cabbierdquo column in Willamette Week

sparked outrage ldquoThe Gypsies apparently are no jokerdquo the

unidentified cab driverwriter penned about the apparent rav-

ings of a customer ldquoDespite what we may think she explains to

us that real Gypsies arenrsquot nomadic livestock thieves but in fact

have been living in her neighborhood for decades And theyrsquore

very bad neighborsrdquo

ldquoThis is racist nonsenserdquo a reader responded ldquoInexcusable

for a serious newspaper to print such offensive content about areal livi ng breathing person in the neighborhood on account of

one of his neighbors For all we know this bigoted fool is the bad

neighborrdquo

No documents or oral histories exist showing what happened

to the Roma families forced out of Portland in 1944 Did they

stay in Texas Did they return to the Northwest Did they find

safety Or were they forced on toward some other location And

most important how in the Information Age is it possible that

the Roma experience has been all but forgotten by the main-

stream of society

Silverman holds out hope that organizations such as Voice of

Roma and Lolo Diklo can help Roma keep from getting caught inunfriendly bureaucratic systems as well as provide an opening

for more outreach and understanding The Portland Romani

Festival a one-day celebration featuring food music and infor-

mation on human rights issues affecting Roma people is ten-

tatively scheduled for late spring 2016 The Festival Romani

Facebook page is a fountain of music and cu ltural events par-

ticularly music performances up and down the West Coast

ldquoI think people should become knowledgeable about Romani

history and discrimination in order to combat itrdquo Silverman

says ldquoIt seems to me that while wersquore talking about ethnic a nd

racial diversity we can no longer eliminate a large group that

has suffered prejudice for so many years and continues to suffer

prejudicerdquo

Thanks to Fair Housing Council of Oregon for sharing this

story with Oregon Humanities through its history bus tour

Lisa Loving has reported on civil rights and diversity in

Oregon for more than fifteen years She is a news and

public affairs producer at KBOO Community Radio 907

FM in Portland and the former news editor of the award-

winning African American community newspaper the

Skanner Her new book How to Be a Citizen Journalist will

be released in 2017 by Microcosm Publishing

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities22

Like all places Oregon has a brand an identity that distinguishes

it from other places This identity is a pastiche of characteris-

ticsmdashenvironmental and agricultural urban and rural intrepid and

entrepreneurialmdashthat become a kind of shorthand that rightly or

wrongly insiders and outsiders read to understand what this state

and its people collectively value But how much do we the resi-

dents of this place really know about the systems behind these

things that seem to represent our identity

On the pages that follow we look more closely at just four ofthese cultural identifiers and how they move through their individ-

ual systems coho salmon up the Columbia River past historical

sites trash recyclables reusables and compost from Portland to

other parts of the state and the world bicycles buses and cars

up a busy corridor through a rapidly changing neighborhood and

ideas measures and laws through what is sometimes called the

Oregon System

Thanks to sources at the Confluence Project Death with Dignity Friends of the Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge Heiberg Garbage and

Recycling Metro MIG Northwest Power and Conservation Council Ofce of the Secretary of State Oregon History Project Oregon Legis -

lature Portland Bureau of Transportation TriMet and US Forest Servicersquos Pacific Northwest Research Station for their help with this story

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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23 FallWinter 2015 Move

Salmon up the Columbia RiverAFTER SPENDING sixteen to twenty months at sea a coho

salmon begins her journey up the Columbia and Sandy Rivers

back to her natal spawning grounds This amazing biological phe-

nomenon is also rich with cultural significance and the landmarks

she passes upstream mark the politics and history of her species

1 Salmon were central to the Chinook that once inhabited villages

along the lower Columbia and seining was the most important

method used to catch the fish As runs declined in the early twen-

tieth century white fishermen drove the Chinook off Sand Island

and Peacock Spit two of the most productive seining areas in

the estuary Seining was prohibited by Washington in 1934 and

Oregon in 1948

2 On March 16 1806 Meriwether Lewis drew and described a fish

brought to him at Fort Clatsop ldquoThe white Salmon Trout has

now made itrsquos appearance in the creeks near this place one of

them was brought us today by an Indian who had just taken it with

his gig this is a likness of itrdquo The fish was later classified as coho

salmon Oncorhynchus kisutch

3 In 1866 the brothers George W and William Hume and Andrew

S Hapgood established a salmon cannery at Eagle Cliff

Washington packing 4000 cases their first year In 1895 up to

50 Columbia canneries produced 635000 cases of salmon But

by 1977 the pack was just 2547 cases The last major cannery

on the Columbia closed in 1980

4 On November 5 1805 Lewis and Clark recorded a visit to the

ldquoQuathapotle Nationrdquo one of the largest Chinookan villages the

expedition encountered Today Cathlapotle is an archeological site

and the home of a modern plankhouse which serves as an outdoor

classroom and is used by the Chinook Indian Nation

5 In 2008 Maya Linrsquos sculpture Bird Blind was dedicated The blind

lists 134 plants documented by Lewis and Clark along with one

word on their status today thriving threatened endangered or

extinct Coho are listed as threatened today

6 In 2007 the Marmot Dam part of Portland General Electric hydro-

electric project in the Sandy River basin was removed due to

pressure from conservation groups and rising management costs

Built in 1913 by Portland Railway Light and Power Company the

dam provided hydroelectric power to Portland Today salmon navi-gate a free-flowing river mdashTRM

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities24

1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every

other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-

cling one of a number of independent haulers

in the Metro region grind their gears uphill

traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food

scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-

board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue

recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in

the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green

roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-

egory recycling compost and yard waste and

garbage

2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly

either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-

gon Recycling System past the airport in East

Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery

facilities (there are a handful in the region)

which then sell the materials based on demand

in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others

in foreign countries such as China

3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable

waste the other trucks head to Metro Central

Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro

South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-

tions in the region Last year almost a half a

million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos

two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins

other company haulers contractors with con-

struction waste and residential customers with

miscellaneous items not picked up through

home collection service At the transfer station

the sorting process begins

4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature

Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-

ogy Organics outside of North Plains about

twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about

twelve miles north of Corvallis

5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household

items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material

in roads

6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader

then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time

is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer

stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a

three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty

no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush

plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo

According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the

garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material

The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is

often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per

minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to

an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the

plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity

powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM

Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland

Waste fromSouthwestPortland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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25 FallWinter 2015 Move

1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in

winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period

in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a

twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source

TriMet)

HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make

every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-

tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed

Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-

age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo

In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin

Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the

new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue

represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even

signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from

the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles

per hour depending on the time of day

The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars

buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic

signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and

emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one

hundred intersections throughout Portland

Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North

Williams today reflects a different wave of development and

demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share

the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to

bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes

to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density

residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG

Traffic on North Williams Avenue

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities26

Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect

changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-

erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed

law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or

rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already

passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a

referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather

than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-

ers approved this system in 1902

This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an

initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on

a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided

driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal

documentation of US citizenship status

1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three

ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)

Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text

of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall

issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to

provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)

2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-

tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)

3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of

Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative

petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State

Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal

Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)

4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is

certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults

to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88

58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold

of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to

qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-

ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without

requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to

Dec 2013)

5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88

Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor

Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)

6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51

to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails

666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-

croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered

by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed

lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move

(2003)

7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block

saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-

zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the

case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor

General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the

practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The

US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide

law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG

Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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27 FallWinter 2015 Move

SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137

983158983151983145983139983141

N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -

room closet I came across a box of old family photographs

I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color

photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-

ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five

standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie

primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos

hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-

tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against

the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But

the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a

frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat

in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple

of the Sun

A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -

graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one

end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both

L A I L A L A L A M I

Al-Mursquoallaqat

The GoldenOdes of Love

J E N W I C K S T U D I O

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Oregon Humanities28

of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels

science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-

raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to

love books so much perhaps books provided them an education

about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing

from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches

that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-

ing the reign of King Hassan

It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned

to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed

copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from

friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about

whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-

drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new

offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte

which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne

Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others

Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les

petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why

the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion

Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which

the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to

either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan

tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three

Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords

and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo

Of course none of the characters in these books looked or

spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly

all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan

bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their

homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my

own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they

had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary

world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an

alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define

normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like

my country my imagination had been colonized

I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly

the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-

acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the

fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled

my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high

school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes

where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-

yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as

well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father

said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it

was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted

D RISS C H RAI BI

LA

CI VI LISA TIO N

MA M E R E

PAR

ALEXANDRE DUMAS

Taha Hussein

THE

DA YS

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29 FallWinter 2015 Move

When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same

school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum

el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine

At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were

taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled

with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still

the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-

language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from

the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi

al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the

Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese

Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-

moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some

of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved

each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a

classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-

els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan

authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-

tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren

It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read

adult literature on my own and independently from school that

I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-

ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos

La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a

sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin

Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book

that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment

of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read

lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was

as fertile ground for fiction as any other

And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature

nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in

French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after

all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-

latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss

Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was

ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a

particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made

it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I

was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train

in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco

medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-

ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my

hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat

or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-

matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely

be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study

linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in

a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in

an analytica l way

Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in

Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship

to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait

I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and

racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School

of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work

of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went

back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how

often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes

Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in

our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in

formal soireacutees French was de rigueur

Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-

guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles

and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in

English which made me think even more about the relationship

between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a

prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power

an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people

The education I had received had emphasized the importance

of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our

media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the

shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed

in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored

by the French government for free access to books The role of

Every time I went back

to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much

and how often we moved

between French and

Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not

went through life

switching between codes

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Oregon Humanities30

French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a

cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no

longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case

of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should

not be writing at all

I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish

after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried

to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of

me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that

stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have

immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the

native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow

me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred

to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic

languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought

Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my

days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use

English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the

linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh

perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a

child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-

gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the

same story

I have always written because I have always had the urge to

tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided

that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-

thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my

race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-

larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while

the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and

waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had

enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos

phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-

rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat

seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of

others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the

works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s

such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in

the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and

sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing

graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had

always told stories but now I wanted to be heard

This essay was first published in World Literature Today

Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami

Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The

Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The

Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy

Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for

Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016

Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16

and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for

more information and to buy tickets

Writing in French came

at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial

baggage that I no longer

wanted to carry I started

to suffer from a peculiar

case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic

perhaps I should not be

writing at all

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31 FallWinter 2015 Move

A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good

LORETTA STINSON

I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M

every day after work waiting for Bruce to

get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching

myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me

sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on

from a distance at whatever is happening to

me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie

and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-

kick of the star or I play a supporting role but

I am definitely not the star of this movie The

moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom

just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been

able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed

freak for fifteen years

Sun through the small rectangular win-

dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats

wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in

1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from

the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom

watchi ng my past present a nd future selves

do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental

after another waiting for the next bad thing

to happen and not getting out of the way even

when I see it coming The habit of living in con-

stant fear and the resignation that nothing can

ever change are the glue that holds me in place

This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting

on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on

Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on

hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the

future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who

can only be counted on not to be counted on

In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses

and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about

J U L I A N N A B R I O N

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Oregon Humanities32

detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot

change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-

ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what

the old-timers were saying Needless to say

I didnrsquot

Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go

home and try some new strategy to make Bruce

quit using I once read a book about how sugar

was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding

him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein

diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck

them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat

and beer is a very filling meal in itself When

he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put

in front of him but speed and alcohol are his

drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-

ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never

remembers what he does to me and since he

doesnrsquot remember I have to forget

It be what it be Bruce says about all things

unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color

electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it

be Today I see things clearly for the first time

Today I see myself on this couch waiting for

someone else to do the changing Today I see

that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be

my life until the day he kills me or he dies or

I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been

disappointed too many times Addiction his to

drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove

been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot

see my part until now

My only friend has been telling me for

months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I

have left many times for a day or a week but

Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop

drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs

to me for the first time that this is absurd and a

huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe

itrsquos me who needs to change and not because

that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction

is his business

Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll

be wasted because it was payday and most of

his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-

ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood

alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or

hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how

those will interact with his mood the kind of

day he had and if hersquos eaten

None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for

such a long time that I could Like every person

who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that

if I did all the right things I would figure out a

way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on

his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine

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33 FallWinter 2015 Move

I worked like some kind of crazy statistician

making up story problems to predict what he

might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job

and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without

eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito

at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos

left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going

to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-

ing home mistakes his second wife for his first

wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out

Please show your work

I have never been able to figure out the rec-

ipe for equilibrium His or mine

Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce

comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not

wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face

slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat

the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says

Itrsquos not really a question but I answer

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him

clearly for the first time I see his addiction in

action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have

nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest

thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can

do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look

at him for too long when hersquos been drinking

kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash

you just back away slowly and try not to piss

him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows

too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how

little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs

to believe because he has to be mad at some-

one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom

just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by

the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about

nothing that it was never my face that pissed

him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He

needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave

to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do

no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a

revelation

He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you

looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on

the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-

spread that covers its stained sagging cush-

ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier

mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore

afraid when hersquos like this and they should be

Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that

hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what

if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already

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Oregon Humanities34

dead or at least not living just existing on the

edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story

Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom

suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am

afraid of being killed

I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to

make a home The china teacups that I str ung

together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks

in the window like a mobile The plants my

booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the

sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the

bed my dad and I refinished before I left home

The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday

The fifteen years of history we have together

one year short of half my life tonight not all of

it bad He is no monster just a man struggling

wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to

face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo

He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo

He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo

Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He

screams them at me knowing how in the past

these are the very words that made me cling to

him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go

Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but

this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest

the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about

his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does

Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom

seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man

Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried

to help for his own good right This man Irsquove

tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody

made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when

I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself

Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the

usual responseI know three things tonight Number one

If I stay this will be my life until I die Number

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities36

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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37 FallWinter 2015 Move

M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN

he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline

somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and

believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he

turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean

for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees

in rows

My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home

at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York

City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for

rows of buildings

ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says

In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark

skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the

Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n

My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I

met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo

My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too

often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance

of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He

was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister

a year later

My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my

father a suit They seem happy in the picture

Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put

half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband

My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years

My grandmother died

All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a

life rocked with waves

P A I G E

V I C K E R S

JASON ARI AS

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Oregon Humanities38

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have

let that slip through thecracksrdquo

My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes

My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why

Grandma was hiding

Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here

To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-

vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where

we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We

have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo

I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened

My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next

closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed

a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time

tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the

process

Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends

Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his

giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist

until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again

We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in

the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-

ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-

lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be

Ama zons)

The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door

I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour

feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean

ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said

We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not

about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same

ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As

kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon

I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower

water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the

high tide after being beached again and again

One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom

decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia

One of my new Olympian friends flicked a

match that started a fire inside my mattress I

tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking

Mom came home and we put the burning

bed outside

This isnrsquot a metaphor

I slept on the floor of my bedroom that

night missing the ocean of Grayland while my

mom and sister shared their bed in the room

next to mine The next morning my mattress

was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-

ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a

popular song on the radio at the time One of us

would start singing the lyrics

How can we dance when our earth is turning

and then wersquod all join in

How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh

But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame

Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-

land That no matter how many times we

were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty

porous flotation device on which to try to

reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe

even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the

way we did as something gia nt and limit less

something to be feared and conquered some-

thing to be moved by

In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a

flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called

my name and the light receded back down the

hall disappearing into the living room and

slipping out the front door

We discovered that the flickering light had

left wax shapes on the carpet of our living

room that could have been bad pentagrams or

the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It

left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot

take any money It left us wondering if some

past boyfriend had found us somehow

Whi le we were out the next day somebody

hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment

door Mom winced at the divots denting the

wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing

mechanism once was with her hand

We left the dishes in the sink

We left no forwarding address

We boarded a bus

Two days later we were on the doorstep of

the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with

a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my

backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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39 FallWinter 2015 Move

in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever

received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer

trophies in the other

At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude

who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-

thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been

there were two concave smooth-skinned div-

ots She was always smiling I liked watching

how Jude listened

Before long the four of us moved into an

apartment between Portland and Gresham It

was right on the MAX line and right on the city

line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-

landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign

that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block

to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch

my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but

Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the

perfect space for her She said it was easier for

her to know where everything was in a smaller

environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond

than an ocean

One day Jude brought her new boyfriend

home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo

ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said

Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor

and said ldquo White peoplerdquo

I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was

wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what

ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to

a blind person

Red is the rage in your gut

White is the entrapment of the disabled

One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend

and her room became a closet again

We saw her a little and then not at all

Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to

Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally

almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of

my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday

cards and pictures that were inside it

Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-

day cards away

My wife and I began archiving our new fam-

ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with

the rest of them Our sons grew I became an

uncle My grandfather remarried and went

crazy My mother still has the same smile she

had when I was young

Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a

bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple

of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary

There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help

you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear

Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie

each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out

If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads

directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end

points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably

guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock

between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled

and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long

by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of

human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of

the Mayan calendar

In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and

I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of

the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam

When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-

land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else

ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says

one night while wersquore lying in bed

And I do

I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that

had to happen I listen to our breath

In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I

make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My

finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving

And then the line disappears

And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and

falling together

Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the

Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life

Poems and Stories of the Dead

If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between

Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities40

READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts

One hundred moves and not one of

them associated with the military

a job or being on the run

The Ledger

Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G

through a yard sale I picked up an old

ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-

ance Company of New York A large thin hard-

bound ledger black with a red spine eleven

inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by

insurance agents to track insurers and their

policies all entries written by hand There was

only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty

cents the rest of the pages were blank After

years of treasuring its antiquity but making

no entries of my own I tore the one used page

out and decided to start tracking al l my moves

before my memory lost track I sat down and

recorded all the moves I remembered over one

hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my

parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them

associated with the military a job or being on

the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-

derlust and exploration then relationships

and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad

landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just

being unable as a single parent to bear the rent

and high heating bills Once my oldest son and

I landed in a decent house that could hold us

indefinitely After three months I was drawn to

cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted

to gather them touch them fill their empti-

ness with our lives When I realized what was

going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in

that house for two years then moved to Hawai i

Now the kids are grown the grandkids are

teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos

no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-

foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a

semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided

me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she

said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo

As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot

out of my feet and sink into the ground I was

so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here

three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot

want to move

What have I lea rned th rough al l these

moves Adaptability being and living in the

now and that there is glory in both staying and

moving but it is much easier and cheaper to

stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland

Out of the Nest

I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E

back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze

tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last

time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex

where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs

Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot

stepped inside the apartment for eight months

To do so would risk my life

ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-

tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February

I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following

weekmdashfor six months

Left behind with Michael were our surro-

gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy

and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned

starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier

It was last October when I first developed

symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-

ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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41 FallWinter 2015 Move

This is where the plates layers of crust

crashed into each other in a fiery show

perhaps tens of thousands of years ago

Soon breathing was excruciating I took

shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain

Paralyzing fatigue set in

My endocrinologist suspected chronic

obstructive pulmonary disease which made

little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I

began scouring descriptions of lung conditions

Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity

pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung

Relief and terror flooded in

If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-

monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a

terminal condition in which scarring causes

respiratory failure within three to five years

Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif

caught early But the solution is drastic We

would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-

ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even

be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the

parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would

have a new ending

Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms

lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper

grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-

pice moments before plummeting

Today we are moving the last of our belong-

ings into our first house The kitties and birdies

have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed

While I cannot hold my babies I watch them

on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the

two-way speaker

From rescue feedings to teenage angst to

nighttime vigils during illness in caring for

these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging

from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety

Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey

take their first tentative steps toward flight

Today I learned the most painful lesson let-

ting go

MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene

Subduction Zones

T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK

were on an af ternoon in early Septem-

ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for

the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper

and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our

ankles

Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-

berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend

and is directly responsible for the creation of

Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back

then one that I sometimes imagined looked

like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus

Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of

the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale

their name suggests but the result of plates

shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-

tion led to the formation of the trio This is

where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into

each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-

sands of years ago Subduction zones are places

where great trauma lies

And here I was all these years later in the

shadows of these mountains loss everywhere

Later that day back at our apartment we

walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit

into anymore For more than a year we went

through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern

Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that

followed us Then one day our four-year-old

daughter started a conversation that shook me

ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo

I nodded

ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so

sadrdquo

Six words leapt at me

ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo

We moved back to Ash land where brig ht

red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-

hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot

know it then but we were charting our own

map however imperfect Healing crept up on

us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-

ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew

Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng

up the darkness Seventeen years passed

And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most

folks want to flee helps you see things more

clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in

its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along

VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities42POSTS

continued from previous page

Just to

underscore

how settled we

planned to be

we unpacked

EverythingEven the

heirloom china

which had never

before left its

boxes We were

here to stay

Dance Church

SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I

go to church Dance church A church

where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers

to recite A church where at first glance outsid-

ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon

arriving I see a few little munchkins running

around with oversize neon headphones on to

protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music

set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with

rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors

There are flowers candles pillow puddles

beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some

kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in

alignment with the morningrsquos intention

As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s

become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-

tainer in which I can move once again after

years of chronic freezing and dissociating A

trapped animal released back into the wild

wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom

in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism

evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with

anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our

spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist

The music awakens the holy spirit within

me and dances me through throngs of people

I am an antelope cut loose checking out the

creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns

bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms

Each stunning in their authentic movement I

see people falling in love with each other from

a distance I see a girl rocking four different

Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed

like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands

ldquopracticing dancingrdquo

This is the church of Miriam the biblical

tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of

years later I move here and I am reunited with

my self my best self my most curious mischie-

vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self

Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten

invited back in the room to whip her hair back

and forth I throw my head back in delight and

laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like

hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form

of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music

EMILY I BEDAL Portland

Again

M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R

upwardly mobile engineer That trans-

lated into at least one move per year until I was

eight and another address for high school I

moved every year in college one year twice I

moved three times during my first stint in Bos-

ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-

ment for the whole two years Then it was back

to Boston where I lived in five different homes

in five years

Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for

the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe

two years back East then back to New Mexico

in two different cities three different homes

Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates

what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo

From Albuquerque we moved to our present

home in Port Orford my thirt ieth

Moving has always been exciting cathar-

tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books

by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally

donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-

ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated

magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets

ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit

thatrsquos never happened In each new house

wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos

never worked

We vowed Port Orford would be our final

ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore

how settled we planned to be we unpacked

Everything Even the heirloom china which

had never before left its boxes We were here

to stay

Except it seems wersquore going to have to move

again but not for the exciting futures wersquod

always envisioned before Now we need doctors

and hospitals and a nearby airport for family

visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is

on the other side of adventure Now we need a

place to feel safe secure

So the sorting and throwing out is about to

begin yet again There are closets and drawers

that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to

dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of

booksmdashto give away This move exciting No

way The very thought of it exhausts me

Still those other feelings cathartic freeing

new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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43 FallWinter 2015 Move

Next theme Root

For the Spring 2016 issue tell

us your stories about rooting

around taking root being

uprooted or root-bound getting

to the root of a problem being

the root of the problem rooting

someone on Share stories and

ideas about beginnings origins

and foundations Analyze a

historical or contemporary

grassroots effort Describe

the tension between staying

put and being stuck Send your

submission (400 words maxi-

mum) by February 15 2016 to

postsoregonhumanitiesorg

Submissions may be edited for

space or clarity

Listen to Your Body

I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y

motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease

Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit

and spot-on timing Though she was confined

to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was

still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her

sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-

cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone

have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but

aching joints diminished strength and a fal-

tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back

Those maladies werenrsquot the result of

chronic disease More like lack of exercise At

some point in the past decade or so I developed

an aversion to any fitness routine That choice

has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo

class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community

Center

Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the

center for the past thirty-six years teaches

the dance-infused workout three days a week

Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at

the core of each class She dispenses praise as

we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform

deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements

and she encourages each of us to breathe and

listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably

youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying

ballet seriously By then her versatility as an

actress singer dancer and comedian had been

evident in community theater productions in

the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although

not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few

years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe

continues to lead a full life She can still stand

and press her palms flat to the floor despite

relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip

notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg

and stretch at the barre

A role model for agi ng wit h presence and

dignity Lynn maintains her considerable

charm and elegance and purposely keeps her

body and mind active Like my mother she

is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has

inspired me to accept what my body can do

today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow

Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for

getting up in the morning And by some mea-

sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE

Portland

Over the Hill

I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D

eleven times in three years I worked spring

through fall as a natural history guide in

Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure

where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned

into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply

moved around A lot With each new tempo-

rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked

clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was

nothing

At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the

person who would become my life partner

another seasonal worker We would move from

Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We

lived one magical off-season on a houseboat

on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the

ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught

me I loved wide-open spaces What could be

wider than the Pacific A fter one more season

of guiding I came back to the coast and decided

to stay

I volunteered my way into one steady job

and eventually landed another at the local

college After a few more seasons my partner

came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota

and we bought another together He built a

business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our

hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and

had a child Wersquod officially settled down

The economic hardships of rural living

however are real job opportunities decline

and can no longer support the life wersquove built

The accumulation of years no longer fits into

the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner

took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast

and we lived as a split family The split was tax-

ing though so we decided to make the move

to the city We left the first community of our

adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven

ourselves The only community our daughter

has even known Friends asked me not to go

Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart

still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the

sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes

at the memory of that moon over Tillamook

Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot

nothingmdashitrsquos every thing

NANCY SLAVIN Portland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities44

Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm

LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015

This intertwined story of two

teenage girls and their mothers

is set in New Orleans during

and after Hurricane Katrina

In her debut novel Urbani an

Oregon writer with Southern

roots brings a maternal touch

to the narrative handling trag-

edy with a careful soulfulness

and love This honest yet brutal

story will simultaneously break

and warm your heart

mdashAnnie Kaffen

At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015

Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French

Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the

Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural

French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-

tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans

and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a

snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland

Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015

Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the

Oregon physician and radicalrsquos

extraordinary experiences

from her early years working in

a textile mill in New Bedford

Massachusetts through her

activist years in Oregon includ-

ing a three-year term at San

Quentin State Prison Equi lived

openly as a lesbian beginning in

the 1890s and was one of the

first practicing female doctors

in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and

compassion for others with a

strong personal belief in social

and economic justice

mdashCarole Shel lhart

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4548

45 FallWinter 2015 Move

People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015

This debut collection from

Portland writer Margaret

Malone is filled with brief

bitterly funny stories about the

sort of people who tie them-

selves in knots in their heads

and feel uncomfortable in their

own skin and can never quite

bring themselves to say the

words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point

includes all of us

mdashBen Waterhouse

The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015

Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer

The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with

Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research

for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the

first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of

revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced

a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer

in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he

writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo

mdashMaggie Starr

To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for

Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon

Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205

Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe

Sasquatch Books 2015

Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter

Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt

to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography

in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers

a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden

rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance

sounds smells and much more

mdashBen Waterhouse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4648

Oregon Humanities46

Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson

February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum

1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg

CROPPINGS

Wendy Red Star Untitled

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4748

Oregon Humanities programs are

funded by the National Endowment

for the Humanities and the Oregon

Cultural Trust and by contributions from

individuals foundations community

organizations and corporations For

more information about Oregon

Humanities or to learn how you can help

more Oregonians get together share

ideas listen think and grow please

contact us at

921 SW Washington Street Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax

(503) 241-0024

ohmoregonhumanitiesorg

oregonhumanitiesorg

Staff

e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r

Adam Davis

facilitation and tra ining manager

Rachel Bernstein

communicationsprogram associate

Eloise Holland

editorassociate director

Kathleen Holt

development director

Kamla Hurst

program officer

Annie Kaffen

office manager

Mikaela Schey

director of finance and oper ations

Carole Shellhart

development associate

Maggie Starr

communications associate

Ben Waterhouse

program coordinator

Kyle Weismann-Yee

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4848

Board of Directorsch a i r

Sona Karentz Andrews Portland

v ic e ch a i r

Janet Webster Newport

tr e a s u r e r

Jeff Cronn Portland

secretary

Matthew Boulay Salem

Paul Duden Portland

Kimberly Howard Portland

Nels Johnson Portland

Emily Karr Portland

Shannon Mara Bend

Win McCormack Portland

Alberto Moreno Portland

Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego

Ron Paul Portland

Denise Reed Astoria

Chantal Strobel Bend

Dave Weich Portland

Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED

Non-profit Org

US Postage

PAID

Permit No 1274

Portland OR

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities4

This issuersquos cover ldquoIn Search of Tomor-

rowrdquo is by photographer Minh Carrico from

Edmonds Washington

If yoursquore an artist and have work that we

might consider for the Spring 2016 issue

on the theme ldquoRootrdquo wersquod love to know

about it Please familiarize yourself with our

publication (back issues viewable online at

oregonhumanitiesorg) then send us the

following by February 22 2016

bull A high-resolution digital image (300 dpi at

8rdquo x 10rdquo scans or photographs JPEG or

TIFF)

bull Your name the title of the work the type

of media as well as contact information

(email and phone number)

bull Description of the relationship of the

image to the theme

Please consider the constraints of a

magazine cover (eg vertical orientation

nameplate and cover lines) We are most

interested in works by Oregon-based artists

Submissions can be sent to

artoregonhumanitiesorg or by post

to Oregon Humanities magazine

921 SW Washington St Suite 150 Portland

OR 97205

Objects in Motion

T H E L A S T TIME I S A W MY DA D O N TH E MA INL A ND

was when he and my stepmom were ta ki ng a cruise to

Alaska from Seat tle My husba nd and kid s and I drove up to

spend some time with them before their ship left Traversing

the hilly downtown streets it was obvious that my dadrsquos Par-

kinsonrsquos was progressing as that disease does While my young

children zigzagged up and down the sidewalksmdashpeeling off to

climb sculptures steps and plantersmdashmy dad shuffled behind

using their side trips to rest and catch his breath and crack a joke

My stepmom fretted that he didnrsquot want to use a walker or a

wheelchai r which would make the going easier Though it wasdifficult to see him struggle against his new physical limita-

tions I understood why he stubbornly did so his identity has

always been grounded in his bodymdashas a soldier a police officer

an athlete

In his pre-Parkinsonrsquos life he was six-foot-one and two

hundred pounds On the days he picked me up from elemen-

tary school fresh off the day shift hersquod unfold himself from

his patrol car and loom above us formidable in his dark blue

uniform The kidsmdashsmall and weary from a day of jostling for

knowledge and power and allegiancesmdashlooked up to him mar-

veled at him feared him Later at home he would cha nge into a

t-shirt and be the easygoing father I adored the one whorsquod letme draw on his long brown arms and legs when I was bored the

one whorsquod warm up tomato soup and cockta il wieners and call

it dinner I remember him being playful and relaxed with me

even in those days when he and my mother were going through

a painful divorce

That afternoon in Seattle we stopped to rest in my par-

entsrsquo hotel room My son continued his antics climbing on and

touching everything he could My husband and I grimaced and

scolded hustling around the small room t rying to prevent dam-

age My dad rested in an armchair jovially remarking on how

many years of trouble we had in front of us

A couple of week s ago my stepmom called to say t hey were

talking to a gerontologist and putting together end-of-life

plans She and I consulted in a strangely businesslike fashion

about my dadrsquos do-not-resuscitate requests she wa rned me

that she needed me to stick to the plan if she in that future

moment vacillated I a ssured her I would hold steady even as

I wondered if I could

When my dad got on the phone I asked him how things were

going He made light as he always does except when we talked

about importa nt things like money bad weather and sports He

joked about how my stepmom wasnrsquot letti ng him eat foods heliked about how she was a bully making him stick to his physi-

cal therapy regimen He sounded like the dad of my youth

Earlier this fall a friend reminded me that the word iner-

tia didnrsquot mean only what I thought it meant Irsquod been think-

ing about it exclusively as meaning immobile Irsquod forgotten the

other definition from high school physics class ldquothe tendency

of objects to keep moving in a straight line at constant velocityrdquo

Though either definition describes the life I sometimes live Irsquom

not sure which should bother me more being stuck or being on

a track resistant to cha nging course or speed

On the phone with my dad I pushed a little asking pointedly

about the meetings w ith the gerontologist and he simply saidldquoItrsquos hardrdquo His voice quavered a bitmdashthe Parkinsonrsquos This day

This life Those t wo words seemed loaded with weariness and

resignation

Then he quickly reverted to teasing saying loudly that my

stepmom and his gerontologist were ganging up on him I heard

laughter in the background and he shifted topics asking about

the kids I mentioned that Emmett was doing well in soccer and

basketball he expressed no surprise chuckling about my sonrsquos

activity in Seattle We laughed We joked We were back on track

kathleen holt Editor

kholtoregonhumanitiesorg

Editorrsquos Note

Cover Art Ideas for ldquoRootrdquo

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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5 FallWinter 2015

You fundYou fund The Trust We in turn fund the strummers writers

cloud dancers and dreamers who make Oregon Oregon

DOUBLE the impact of your favorite cultural donation for FREE

1) Donate to your favorite organization(s) 2) If theyrsquore one of

our 1400 cultural nonprofits donate that same amount to the

Cultural Trust 3) Take that same amount off your state taxes

Easy Learn more and donate at CulturalTrustorg

DONATE$ TO AN ORG

FUELOREGONCULTURE

$ TO THE TRUST

AND GET THE

SAME $ BACK

DONATE+ =

IN TWANG WE TRUST

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities6

HUMA NITIES ACROSS OREGON

Field Work

Donnell Alexander leads a

conversat ion about hip hop on

the stage of Portland Playhousersquos

production of How We Got On

How We Got OnOregon Humanities and Portland Playhouse

partner for an evening of hip hop and

conversation

O N E E V E N I N G I N O C T O B E R P O R T -

land Playhousersquos stage was set not for the

production of How We Got On by Idris Goodwin

which opened at the end of September but for

a conversation about local hip hop culture rap

music and how musicians break into the scene

A s more than sixty peoplemdashincluding a

couple of groups of teens and adults of all

agesmdashfound their seats around the stage DJ Verbz set the tone of the evening with a mix of

local hip hop music

ldquoHow We Got On A Hip Hop Conversationrdquo

wa s org an iz ed by Oregon Hum an ities and

Portland Playhouse to bring residents

together to talk about some of the themes and

ideas presented in the play How We G ot On

One of Portland Playhousersquos goals says Artis-

tic Director Brian Weaver is to engage audi-

ences beyond traditional theater talk-backs

Donnell Alexander who leads an Oregon

Humanities Conversation Project called

ldquoNorthwest Mixtape Hip Hop Culture and

Influencesrdquo facilitated the conversation and

designed the eveningrsquos program While plan-

ning the event he brought on Verbz and up-and-coming Portland rapper Glenn Waco who

performed a short set The cast of How We Got

K I M O

A N H N G U Y E N

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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7 FallWinter 20157

Want to keepup with thehumanities inOregon

bull Visit oregonhumanitiesorg

to sign up for our monthly

enewsletter

bull Like us on Facebook

bull Follow us on Twitter

On also performed a scene from the play

W ha t st art ed as a conv er sati on ab out

what makes Por tland hip hop unique evolved

into a discussion that touched on everything

from redliningmdashthe practice of denying mort-

gages to people who live in certai n areas based

on the racial makeup of those areasmdashto the

Telecommunications Act of 1996 to what itrsquos

like to be an artistmdashparticularly an artist of

colormdashin Portland

Ithica Tell an actress who performs the

role of the Selector in How We Got On talked

about the difficulty of seeing hip hop music

thrive in the Northwest while the black cul-

ture that created it is rejected ldquoItrsquos hard

for black culture and communities to take

root when theyrsquore not nurturedrdquo she saidreferencing an 1857 exclusion clause in

Oregonrsquos constitution that prohibited black

people from living in t he state and that wasnrsquot

repealed until 1926

Alexander who is relati vely new to Port-

land was excited by the opportunity to have

people in a room talking about a topic hersquos

passionate about and one thatmdashespecially

when it comes to the Pacific Nor thwestmdashhersquos

still learning about himself ldquoIn this age of

the Internet we all think we know every-

thing but we donrsquot Itrsquos a living historyrdquo hesaid ldquoItrsquos important that we understand our

environment and the way we start to do that

is by talking to each otherrdquo

ELOISE HOLLAND

Pints and PulitzersThink amp Drink 2016 brings Pulitzer Prize

winners to Oregon

OR E G O N H U M A N I T I E S rsquo T H I N K amp

Drink series will feature Pulitzer Prize

winners and fina lists in eight events around

Oregon in 2016 Conversations with four

renowned writers will take place in Portland

Astoria Bend and Eugene

Think amp Drink which sparks provoca-

tive conversations about big ideas began as a

happy-hour event at a Portland bar in 2009

Alt hough it has since grow n t o fi ll larger ven-

ues the series remains more intimate and

casual than traditional lecture programs

Past guests include Cheryl Strayed UrsulaK Le Guin and Barry Lopez While Oregon

Humanities has presented individual Think

amp Drink events outside of Portland this is

the first time the series will feature the same

guests in multiple communities

The 2016 Think amp Drink series will feature

appearances by novelist Laila Lalami in Port-

land and Bend (read her essay on page 27) jour-

nalist and novelist Heacutector Tobar in Portland

and Eugene journalist and historian Isabel

Wil kerson in Portland a nd Astoria a nd jour-nalist Katherine Boo in Portland

Think amp Drink 2016 is made possible by a

Alberta Rose Theatre 3000 NE Alberta St Portland

700ndash830 pm Doors at 600 pm

Minors with parent or guardian

Series tickets ($50$100) available now at

oregonhumanitiesorg

Think amp Drink

2016A Special Pulitzer Prize Series

FEBRUARY 16

Laila Lalami author of The Moorrsquos Account

February 17 in Bend

APRIL 19

Heacutector Tobar author of Deep Down Dark

The Untold Stories of 33 Men Buried in

a Chilean Mine and the Miracle That Set

Them Free

April 20 in Eugene

JULY 20

Isabel Wilkerson author of The Warmth of

Other Suns The Epic Story of Americarsquos

Great Migration

July 21 in Astoria

OCTOBER 19

Katherine Boo author of Behind the Beautiful

Forevers Life Death and Hope in a

Mumbai Undercity

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities8

T H I N K amp D R I N K R E T U R N S

Oregon Humanitiesrsquo Think amp Drink

returns in 2016 engaging the public to

think and talk about big ideas Thanks

to support from the Pulitzer Centennial

Campfires Initiative this yearrsquos series

wi ll bri ng Pu lit zer Pr ize wi nne rs and

finalists to Portland Astoria Bend and

Eugene The speakers include Laila Lal-

ami Heacutector Tobar Isabel Wilkerson and

Katherine Boo See p 7 for more details

about the series

D E A R S T R A N G E R M O V E D E A R

Stranger OHrsquos letter-writing project

invites Oregonians to write a personal

letter to someone theyrsquove never met

and receive a letter in exchange To par-

ticipate write a letter inspired by thetheme ldquoMoverdquo and send it along with a

self-addressed stamped envelope and a

signed release form to Dear Stranger co

Oregon Humanities 921 SW Washington

St Suite 150 Portland Oregon 97205

Letters must be mailed by January 22

2016 to be exchanged Visit oregonhu-

manitiesorg for complete guidelines and

to download a release form

H O S T A C O N V E R S A T I O N P R O J E C T

Oregon nonprofits and community

groups can apply until January 31 2016

to host Conversation Project discussions

in the spring and summer Visit oregon-

humanitiesorg for more information

and look out for the application window

for 2016ndash17 conversation leaders open-

ing in January

W E L C O M E N E W B O A R D M E M B E ROregon Humanities is pleased to

announce the election of Shannon Mara

to the board of directors this September

Mara has worked in business manage-

ment and consulting in Oregon since

1994 She works with Volunteers in Medi-

cine and Sudara Corp and also serves on

the boards of directors for Opportunity

Knocks and 1859 Media LLC

N E H C E L E B R A T E S F I F T Y Y E A R S

The National Endowment for the

Humanities one of the largest funders

of humanities programs in the country

makes Oregon Humanitiesrsquo work pos-

sible This year the NEH celebrates fifty

years of achievement Since its inception

in 1965 the organization has awarded

63000 grants totaling $53 billion in

order to strengthen teaching research

and lifelong learning around the nation

Oregon Humanities News

$30000 grant from the Pu litzer Prize Centen-

nial Campfires Initiative a $15 million effort

to generate conversations across the country

about the impact of journalism and humanities

on our lives in observation of the hundredth

presentation of the annual awards The Pulit-

zer Prizes established by newspaper publisher

Joseph Pulitzer in his will recognize excel-

lence in journalism letters and music

Season tickets to the Portland events which

will take place at the Alberta Rose Theatre are

available now at albertarosetheatrecom Tick-

ets for events outside of Portland will be avail-

able through local venues

BEN WATERHOUSE

Power and PlaceOregon Humanities launches a project to

explore land loss by communities of color

A F T E R R E C E I V I N G A N O V E R W H E L M -

ingly enthusiastic response to the video

Future Portland Kathleen Holtmdashwho coordi-

nated the production of the video for Oregon

Humanitiesmdashknew there were more stories

like this one that needed telling The video

which wa s made by ma gazi ne contr ibutor

Ifanyi Bell and Brushfire Creative Partners

tells the story of loss and hope in Portlandrsquos

black communities It was powerful Holt says

because it showed the effects of displacement

on people and how that experience feels

Inspired by the impact the video had on

Oregonians Oregon Humanities is launch-

ing a new multimedia project that will collect

and connect stories about the loss of lands and

power by communities of color Combining

technology arts and the humanities the proj-

ect will culminate in a website featuring videos

photos maps timelines graphics words and

other content created by artists and writers of

color to express Oregonrsquos stories of land and

power loss as well as peoplersquos responses to this

loss including thriving and resistance

Holt says the goal of this undertak ing is toshare with Oregonians the sometimes hidden

histories and contributions of communities

of color ldquoItrsquos important for citizens t o under-

stand how the world takes shape around us

Once we have that awareness we can take

steps to change and improve our communityrdquo

she says By creating a space to express many

different stories side by side Oregon Human-

ities aims to help build a broader understand-

ing of how policies and legislation influence

systems of power and landownership in Ore-

gonrsquos past a nd present

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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9 FallWinter 2015

Joaquin LopezThis project which is made possible by a

$110000 grant from the Creative Heights Ini-

tiative of the Oregon Community Foundation

wi ll create a place for ar tis ts and writer s of

color to share their work and will invite more

stories Holt says ldquoThis project is just the

beginning We hope to create a place for these

kinds of stories to live and be shared By set-

ting up this place other stories will come to usrdquo

The website is expected to launch in January

2017 To watch Future Portland visit oregon-

humanitiesorg

JULIA WITHERS

The Power of Story

Idea Lab guest inspires students to find meaningin stories

W H E N M U S I C I A N A N D C O M M U N I T Y

advocate Joaquin Lopez is able to con-

vince yout h that they have the power to make

their own lives meaningful he says ldquothey

become the owners of their own experiencerdquo

This summer Lopez shared his story with 120

rising high school seniors from around the

state at Oregon Humanitiesrsquo Idea Lab Sum-

mer Institute

A Partnership to Promote PublicConversation Around Palliative Care

The Cambia Health Foundation is proud to partner with Oregon Humanities to

help communities across Oregon talk about what maers most

Learn more at oregonhumanitiesorg

R U S S E L L

J Y O U N G

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities10

FundersKeep OregonListeningLearning andExploring

Thanks to the support of

our generous funders

Oregon Humanities

brings tens of thousands

of Oregonians togethermdash

face-to-face online and

on the pagemdashto talk

listen and learn from one

another The following

funders have recently

offered support to make

Oregon a more dynamic

and vital place to live

bull The Oregon Community

Foundation $110000

Creative Heights grant

to pursue a multimedia

project that explores land

loss by communities of

color in Oregon

bull The Maybelle Clark

Macdonald Fund

$20000 for matching

new and increased dona-tions over the last year

bull The Rose E Tucker

Charitable Trust $6500

for Conversation Project

bull Emily Georges Gott-

fried Fund $2000 for a

pilot project training high

school students to lead

community conversations

bull Union Bank of California

Foundation $2000 for

Humanity in Perspective

Idea Lab is a three-day program that brings

Oregon teachers and high school juniors

together to explore the pursuit of happiness

and how it shapes our world Students from

diverse communities and economic back-

grounds engage with big ideas through work-

shops lectures films and conversations This

year the weekend concluded with a special pre-

sentation by Lopez

Incorporating personal narrative lecture

and Latin American folk music into his perfor-

mance Lopez focused on the power of stories

to connect people to history themselves and

the world Lopez shared with Idea Lab students

how he came to terms with his ow n identity as

a queer Latino man by realizing that hersquos the

author of his own story and the creator of his

own happiness Students gave Lopez a stand-

ing ovation they appreciated his honesty

openness and confidence Courtney Ford astudent from De La Salle North Catholic High

School commented ldquoHe left the audience with

ldquoAt Idea Lab I learned to see

the world not just as what it was

but as what it could berdquomdashMark Delgado Oregon Humanities Idea Lab alumnus (2010) and counselor (2015)

Help more Oregonians connect to life-changing ideas

Visit giveguideorgoregonhumanities to make a gift

through the Willamette Week rsquos 2015 GiveGuide

inspiration to truly be themselvesrdquo

Lopez believes in the potential of the

humanities to engage and empower people In

his work with youth at the Latino Networkmdash

a nonprofit with locations in Portland and

Gresham that promotes social change by unit-

ing the Latino communitymdashLopez manages

Studio Latino an after-school program that

focuses on Latin American arts and culture

The program was piloted last spring and this

year it will enter Reynolds High School in

Troutdale Gresham High School and Alder

Elementary in Portland Lopez works to incor-

porate themes of perseverance personal char-

acter and cultural identity into the program so

that students can bring those values with them

beyond high school

For Lopez creating spaces where youth can

be themselves and connect with each other is

a powerful way to make change ldquoStories havethe capacity to heal they remind us that we are

all in this togetherrdquo

JULIA WITHERS

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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11 FallWinter 2015 FROM THE DIRECTOR

W H E N I W A S FIVE A ND L IVING IN A

small Minnesota city my fatherrsquos par-

ents visited from New York On Sunday morn-

ing we went as usual to Perkins where I did

what my parents had prepared me to do I asked

for pancakes but no bacon With enthusiasm

and pride I told my grandparentsmdashMoshe and

Lottie to most people Saba and Sabtah to memdash

that because they were there I was only having

pancakes no bacon

Two decades later I went to visit the fam-

ily of the woman who is now my wife While

most of the family ate snappy cheese and corn

pudding inside the Millersburg Kentucky

home my wifersquos fatherrsquos mother asked me on

the back porch what my belief was about Jesus

Christ She listened to the first tepid sentence

of my response and thanked me and walked

into the kitchen to urge her granddaughter to

be careful

A few years ago I went with my wife and

kids to the funeral of my wifersquos motherrsquos third

husband in a Southern Baptist church in a

small town in South Carolina In a departurefrom the churchrsquos usual practice a well-

known local musician sang ldquoImaginerdquo Two

of the three eulogies were delivered from the

altar by gay men When the preacher led us in

prayer and song my kids and I and I think my

wife were silent We knew neither the words

nor the tune

My kids now ten and eight tell people who

ask that they are both Christian and Jewish I

suspect my grandparents and my wifersquos grand-

parents would have said they are neither

I donrsquot think my kids know that they are a

thoroughly contemporary diluted amalgam

of Presbyterian Southern Baptist and Jew

Therersquos Scotch-Irish and English and Lithu-

anian and Polish in there Therersquos Kentucky

and Alabama and New York and Israel and

Minnesota and Chicago Therersquos other stuff

too They see themselves as OregoniansIn a short essay thatrsquos been on my mind re-

cently the author Toureacute thinks through how

he will raise children with his soon-to-be wife

He writes that it will be his job not hers to

bring blackness into the home He tries in his

essay to figure out what that could mean but

he seems certain that the job belongs to him

Earlier this fall at the Confederated Tribes

of Grand Rondersquos Third Annual History and

Culture Summit there was a good deal of

attention to cultural inheritancemdashwhat we

receive and what we pass on Several peoplespoke of thinking seven generations back and

seven generations forward I canrsquot go back four

and find the looking forward even hardermdashand

there we were thinking about this at just the

third-annual summit an old culture becoming

new again

This summit got me thinking about how

the more pressure your culture is undermdashthe

more persecution and threat it suffersmdashthe

more likely you may be to think carefully about

preserving it recognizing it passing it on

One thing thatrsquos been passed on to me is

an undiluted commitment to questions This

time of year with the holidays and their vari-

ous rituals upon us my big question is about

what Toureacute calls his job

Merry or happy or bountiful or blessed

whatever everyone and also this what of

what yoursquove received do you want to pass on

What would you be fine leaving behind And

what can you do to transmit the good stuff

inherited or acquired later seven generations

hence

What We Pass On

A DA M DAV IS

K I M N

G U Y E N

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities12

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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13 FallWinter 2015 Move

Whose StateIs This

Legal measures targeting LatinoOregonians reflect fears of change

I N TH E A U TU MN O F 1 980 TE R E S A A L O NS O L E O NrsquoS FA TH E R DE C IDE D TO TA KE A

rare day off from working in the fields near Clackamas to bring his daughters to what he thought

was a publ ic pa rk Alonso Leon who was five and her sister played catch their feet crunchingfallen leaves as they ran across the grass Then a car pulled up The driver got out and shouted at

Alonso Leonrsquos father The man spoke in English but her father spoke only SpanishmdashAlonso Leon

too They had only recently arrived from the southern state of Michoacaacuten Mexico to their new

home in Oregon The man grew more agitated gesturing and raising his voice until her father

gathered the girls and left

ldquoIt was a golf course or someplace people didnrsquot want kids playingrdquo Alonso Leon who is now

forty-one recalls ldquoMy father couldnrsquot read the signs and we had no idea what the man was saying

But the way the man spoke to my father that just stuck with merdquo

Alonso Leonrsquos fami ly are modern-day Movers people who made Oregon their destination of

hope for prosperity renewal and survival But her family would not have fit the original ideal

Movers was the nineteenth-century nickname for settlers who drove west in covered wagons

ldquoRestlessness was their dominant traitrdquo historian Malcolm Clark Jr wrote in his 1981 book Eden

Seekers ldquoThe gene of it was passed from father to son as a part of the act of procreation The fron-

tier was constantly reproducing itselfrdquo

For centuries the new Oregonians worked to make sure the reproducing gene was white W hen

it won statehood in 1859 Oregon was part of the anti-slavery Northmdashif only because its constitu-

tion excluded blacks from living within the statersquos borders (The provision wasnrsquot removed until

1926) Native tribes were shuffled to reservations and Chinese workers were attacked by white

residents in Oregon City La Grande and several other communities

The twentieth-century brought more hostility In 1920 state law required non-English news-

papers to print English translations Portlandrsquos black population swelled when the cityrsquos ship-

yards expanded during World War II and city leaders segregated African Americans in North

and Northeast Portland neighborhoods and nearby Vanport a slapdash public housing project ina floodplain near the Columbia River The state didnrsquot outlaw discrimination in housing restau-

rants hotels and other accommodations until the 1950s

BRENT WALTH

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities14

Oregon can no longer look in a mirror and see a bleached face

staring back In 1980 the first year the first year the CensusBureau included ldquoHispanicrdquo as a n ethnic category fewer than 7

percent of people in the state identified themselves as anything

other than ldquowhiterdquo Now according to the most recent Census

numbers nearly one quarter identify a s something other than

ldquowhite alonerdquo

The definition of what it means to be an Oregonian has

shifted as the state has seen immigrants from Asia Eastern

Europe and Africa The biggest shift has been in the statersquos

Latino population which has grown five times faster than the

state as a whole According to the Census 125 percent of the

population now identifies as Hi spanic or Latino Several cities

now count Latinos as the majority

One of those cities is Woodburn a Marion County town of

24000 where Alonso Leon now serves as a member of the city

council and where an acceptance of languages other than Eng-

lish has helped the community deal with change ldquoIf you donrsquot

have that you instead have misunderstanding and mispercep-

tions about other peoplerdquo Alonso Leon says ldquoWersquore not sitting

down together often enough as it isrdquo

Oregon has become a state of many languages But a small

effective and (many say) xenophobic group is pushing to put

a measure on the 2016 ballot that would declare English as the

statersquos official language Oregonians will need to decide if fear will divide the state over race ethnicity and how we talk to each

other

JIM LUDWICK SEES A DAY WHEN AMERICANS WILL BE

expected to speak both English and Spanish It worries him

ldquoBeing a bilingual country is breaking down people accord-

ing to where they came from rather than encouraging everyone

to be unitedrdquo Ludwick says ldquoItrsquos a tragedy waiting to happenrdquo

Ludwick a retired pharmaceuticals salesman from McMin-

nville is cofounder of Oregonians for Immigration Reform

which is pushing the Engl ish-only measure Since its found-

ing in 2000 the group has argued that the federal govern-

mentrsquos failure to enforce immigration laws has wreaked havoc

on the country The g roup opposes any government privileges

for undocumented residents including schools and health

care Oregonians for Immigration Reform he says favors the

deportation of anyone the government discovers is living in the

country illegally That includes the estimated 120000 undocu-

mented people living in Oregonmdasha number thatrsquos actually fallen

in recent years ldquoThis country was founded on the rule of lawrdquoLudwick says ldquoWersquore now seeing people openly violating our

immigration laws while try ing to impose new laws on usrdquo

For years Oregonians for Immigration Reform wasnrsquot taken

seriously in Salem or seen as a political threat Its leadersrsquo ten-

dency to broadbrush Latinos leaves many people uncomfort-

able When asked about immigration for example Ludwick

steers the conversation to ldquoillegalsrdquo stealing Social Security

numbers Mexicans run ning drugs a nd undocumented resi-

dents committing other crimes

The Southern Poverty Law Center a Montgomery Ala-

bamandashbased watchdog on issues of discrimination maintains a

nationwide list of ldquonativist extremistrdquo groups it says go beyondadvocating on immigration policy to targeting immigrants

themselves Oregonians for Immigration Reform is one of nine-

teen groups on the organizationrsquos nationwide list

Ludwick says this characterization of his group is unfair ldquoIf

I even question our immigration policies then Irsquom a racistrdquo he

says ldquoThatrsquos not it at all I want the United States to be a great

country that welcomes people from all over as we always have

But itrsquos foolish to think it will be i f we continue with our immi-

gration policiesrdquo

The grouprsquos status as an outsidermdashand its leaderrsquos view of its

place in Oregon politicsmdashchanged in 2014

Oregon once had relatively lax laws when it came to granting

driversrsquo licenses Starting in 2008 the state legislature required

proof of citizenship or legal residency such as a Social Security

number or other papers Latino groups (long courted by the

Democrats who run Salem) spent the next five years pushing

to overturn the law They succeeded in 2013 when lawmakers

established a ldquodriverrsquos cardrdquo for residents who could not prove

they were in the country legally

Oregonians for Immigration Reform fought the new law by

gathering the 58000 signatures needed to put the question on

the November 2014 ballot A ldquoyesrdquo vote would uphold the leg-

islaturersquos actions Backers including some farm groups saidthe measure was practical and compassionate But the mea-

sure became a proxy for frustration about the nationrsquos broken

The definition of what

it means to be anOregonian has shiftedas the state has seenimmigrants from AsiaEastern Europe and Africa The biggest shifthas been in the statersquos

Latino population which has grown fivetimes faster than thestate as a whole

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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15 FallWinter 2015 Move

immigration system and Oregon voters crushed the measure

two to one

The victory Ludwick says shows Oregonians agree with his

grouprsquos views that immigration is out of control and that the gov-

ernment should not be rewarding people who are here illegally

He says much of the country is with his groupmdashand the suc-

cess of Republican presidential candidate Donald Trumprsquos

rhetoric about immigrants is proof When he announced his

candidacy in June 2015 Trump said Mexico was dumping drug

dealers and rapists into the United States ldquoAnd some I assumerdquo

Trump added ldquoare good peoplerdquo

ldquoWhen he did thatrdquo Ludwick says ldquohe shot right up in the

polls He chose to talk about immigration because hersquos a guy who

likes leverage He knows thatrsquos a subject that appeals to regular

Americansrdquo

O R E GO N S A W ITS L A TINO P O P U L A TIO N GR O W A FTE R World War II when the United States opened its borders to bra-

ceros guest workers from Mexico who labored in the fields The

program ended in the mid-1960s but the statersquos farmers were

by then dependent on migrant workers United Farm Workers

(UFW ) leader Cesar Chavez often brought his protests to Ore-

gon denouncing the low wages unsafe conditions and abysmal

housing for many of the statersquos estimated 40000 migrant work-

ers half of whom took seasonal jobs in the Willamette Valley

The UFWrsquos actions sparked backlash against Latinos in

many places but Oregon turned away from a cultural battle In

1971 the Republican-controlled legislature passed a bill to stop

farmworkers from organizing They put intense pressure onthen-Governor Tom McCallmdasha fellow Republican who grew up

in a ranching familymdashto sign it McCall nearly did but protests

and vigils against the bill moved him (as did Chavezrsquos threats of

boycotts) and it troubled him that the state was about to deny

rights and protections for people who came here to work ldquoHellrdquo

McCall said when the bill-signing deadline approached ldquoIrsquom

going to veto that son of a bitchrdquo And he did Over the years

many migrants stopped moving around and settled in the Wil-

lamette Valley and they beckoned others from their home coun-

tries to join them

Teresa Alonso Leonrsquos family was among those who heard the

call Her parents arrived in Oregon without documentation Her

father left their home in Michoacaacuten in early 1980 and moved

to Clackamas where relatives had told him he could find bet-

ter-paying work than he had in Mexico In Oregon her parents

worked at least two jobs at a ti me often seven days a week For

four years her family lived in a ramshackle house in Gervais

without plumbing They used a n outhouse and hauled in buck-

ets of water filled from a garden hose to cook and clean In the

winter the water stored in the buckets indoors froze

Her parents wanted their children to avoid the life they had

as laborers and for Alonso Leon school was transformative She

quickly saw the need to learn Englishmdashher teachers made herrepeat first grade because she struggled with the new language

But she soon caught up and became the familyrsquos translator

during doctorrsquos visits or meetings at her school

ldquoI had to become the spokesperson for the familyrdquo she says

In 1986 Congress passed an immigration amnesty bill that

offered legal residency to 29 million people Not yet a teenager

Alonso Leon represented her parents as they met the require-

ments to earn legal status gathering work histories from past

employers studying US history and demonstrating basic Eng-

lish skills (Her parents earned legal residency that covered

Alonso Leon She became a US citizen in 2013)

Her family eventually moved to Woodburn where she

attended high school before earning her GED through a pro-

gram at the University of Oregon She went on to graduate from

Wester n Ore gon Uni versity and Portland Stat e University

where she earned a masterrsquos degree in public administration

Alonso Leon has spent most of her career looki ng for ways to

make school more avai lable to low-income students or those who

are the first in their families to attend college At Portland Com-munity College she helped develop a program to guide migrant

students in adjusting to their first year in college Today she

runs the state of Oregonrsquos GED program in the Department of

Community Colleges and Workforce Development which each

year helps 1700 students gain their high-school equivalency

Families like hers have worked here for decades paying ta xes

and working to offer their children better lives And Alonso

Leon worries that Oregon will declare its government recog-

nizes only English

ldquoIt sends the message that as a state wersquore denying that peo-

ple should be able to live here and speak their native languagerdquo

Alonso Leon says ldquo It also sends the message t hat i mmigrantsarrive and reject the language thatrsquos spoken here Thatrsquos not the

case People try to learn English because they wa nt to succeedrdquo

Alonso Leonrsquos parents still struggle with English even a fter

three decades in Oregon Mastering the language she says often

requires education and trainingmdashsomething that her parents

and many other immigra nts have lacked

ldquoMy parents worked two or three jobs at a time at low wages

all these yearsrdquo she says ldquoYou can say to my parents lsquoWhy have

you not done a better job of learning Englishrsquo The answer is

they spent all their time making sure their children were fed

and clothedrdquo

THE MEASUR E SUPPORTED BY OREGONIANS FOR IMMI-

gration Reform would if passed by voters require state and

local governments to conduct business in English Oregon

law already requires that in many cases even though Oregon

is one of nineteen states without a blanket official-language

declaration

But the Oregon measure could go beyond what other states

impose its language suggests that (with some exceptions) it

could become illegal for government agencies to provide com-

munications with the public in languages besides Englishmdash

despite the fact that 15 percent of Oregonians speak a languageother than English at home Portland Public Schools for exam-

ple prints materials for parents in several languagesmdasha practice

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities16

Ludwick says is a waste of money

Ludwick recalls an illustration he saw in a social studies text-

book he had in high school ldquoIt was of this giant cooking potrdquo

he says ldquoPeople from all over the world are jumping inmdashpeople

with sombreros and so on And in the picture Uncle Sam is stir-

ring itmdashstirring the pot the melting pot And the people who had

jumped in earlier are now climbing out dressed like Americans

They had coats and ties onrdquo

ldquoThe point isrdquo he says ldquoit was about assimilation It used to

be you come to America to become an American Not a Hispanic

American New immigrants today donrsquot want to be assimilated

They want to divide themselves off from us while imposing their

cultural beliefs on usrdquo

The threat Ludwick sees is about more than language Itrsquos

about influence and powermdashless about reforming immigration

laws than it is about forcing a cultural norm on Oregonrsquos immi-

grants His grouprsquos attention to Latinos in particular is basedin sheer numbersmdash40 percent of immigrants in Oregon were

born in Mexicomdashbut also on the success of organi zations such

as Causa Oregon to push a political agenda These groups have

had some victories including a 2013 law allowing college tuition

grants for undocumented students who attended Oregon high

schools But the doors of power have not been knocked open

The state has seen only one Latino elected official statewide

(former state schools superintendent Susan Castillo) and only

a handf ul of legislators

What Oregonians for Immigration Reform plays on is fearmdash

the fear of a non-Latino majority losing influence and facing

discrimination for not speaking Spanish In its troubled his-tory Oregon has turned on the ldquootherrdquo foreigners blacks any

faceless group accused of stealing something from the rest of us

including jobs culture andmdashnowmdashlanguage

The last thing Oregon needs is another dark chapter of rac-

ism disguised as nationalistic duty What the state could use

instead is a moment of illumination and courage

Itrsquos happened before in another context A half century ago

Oregon set out to protect its farms and forests by carefully plan-

ning for the rapid population growth that was coming Its lead-

ers (primari ly Governor Tom McCall) engaged in a long often

rending discussion about the need for land-use laws Invective

followedmdashfoes called Oregon a communist state and voters in

many parts of the state would still erase land-use laws from the

books in a hea rtbeat given the chance But it took someone with

guts to cha llenge hardened beliefs and prepare Oregon for the

future

Itrsquos time for another conversation this one about the chang-

ing face of the state Oregonrsquos long history with a whites-only

club running things is ending Imagine seeing a leader in Oregon

brave enough to embrace that futuremdashespecially now that the

nationrsquos political debate is oozing anti-immigrant poison

A future Oregon leader who gets up the nerve to t alk about

the value of a more diverse Oregonmdashand the need to account

for itmdashneed look no further than Woodburn a city that thirty

years ago no one would predict would be a model for cultural

tolerance The town struggled with change as Latino and Rus-

sian immigrants came to the area Today Woodburn proudly

talks of its ldquoLittle Mexicordquo business district The school district

has seen enormous success in graduating students from high

school in large part because of its bilingual approach in theclassroom The city routinely sends out information about the

library parks and water bills in English and Spanish And the

cityrsquos website has a button that allows visitors to translate its

pages into thirty-six lang uages

Alonso Leon says that despite Woodburnrsquos progress the city

has a lot of ground to gain when it comes to making itself open

to everyone She says the city council rarely sees members of the

Latino community appear before it and that the only Spanish

speakers who attend meetings on a regular basis are usually her

parents who like to watch her in action She says the city has

formed a committee to find ways Woodburn can knock down

cultural and language barriers that keep non-English speakersfrom believing they have a role in civic debates

ldquoWe need to do more to make ourselves inviting and avail-

ablerdquo she says ldquoTelling people only English is acceptable in

government runs against the idea that everyone has the right

to be heardrdquo

Alonso Leon won an appointment to city council in 2013 and

must run for her seat this year if she wa nts to keep it Shersquos never

sought public office before and she could appear on the same

election ballot as Trump and the Oregonians for Immigration

Reform measuremdashan irony that isnrsquot lost on her

Alonso Leon expects a campaign wil l test her Shersquod be the

third Latino elected to the council (shersquos the only one serving

there now) and she says she has never been afraid to tell her story

ldquoIf people are asking questions and scrutinizing who I am

that means theyrsquore considering me or someone like merdquo she

says ldquoAnd that in itself is progressrdquo

Brent Walth has been an Oregon journalist since 1984 Hersquos

the former managing editor at Willamette Week and senior

investigative reporter for the Oregonian and author of Fire at

Edenrsquos Gate a biography of Oregon Governor Tom McCall

Hersquos now an assistant professor in the University of Oregon

School of Journalism and Communication

The threat Ludwicksees is about more thanlanguage Itrsquos about

influence and power

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17 FallWinter 2015 Move

Communityin Flux

A long-persecuted people begins to speak out

I N P O R T L A N D T H E C H R I S T M A S O F 1 9 4 4 W A S B I T -

terly cold and blanketed in white It snowed for days and

stayed close to freezing as the New Year approached But Port-

landers were distracted from the unusually cruel weather by

news that Portland Mayor Earl Riley was forcing dozens of

Roma out of the citymdashand by God it was about time the news-papers crowed Although many members of the local Kalderash

community of Roma had been working in the Kaiser shipyard

factories for the US war effort elected officials law enforce-

ment and the media fell over themselves to justify r unning the

Roma out of town

The Oregon Journal reported that encouraged by police the

Romamdashdescribed as ldquothe gaily dressed wanderersrdquomdashasked for

assistance to return to Texas and New Mexico because Portland

was ldquotoo coldrdquo for them Mayor R iley p ersuaded the US Of fice

of Price Administration (OPA) the federal bureau in charge of

rationing to issue special gas rations to the Roma so they could

make the drive south

The Oregonian considered this a ldquonotable featrdquo by the mayor

not only because the OPArsquos rationing of items like gas rubber

sugar and butter was so strict but also because Riley was ldquogetting

rid of at least half the gy psies [who] have been afflicting the cityrdquo

ldquoWe are right proud of our mayorrdquo the paper wrote

This was the same Mayor Riley who is purported to be one of

the most corrupt mayors in Portlandrsquos history Though his office

accused the Roma of using fortune-telling as a front for prostitu-

tion Riley allegedly kept a special safe in City Hall just for the

bribes he collected from these same types of criminal opera-

tions He was neither indicted nor punished despite criticism bythe City Club of Portland instead he amassed a fortune in ille-

gal enterprises over his lifetime Meanwhile the Roma families

LISA LOVING

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Oregon Humanities18

A detective and two policemen

escort two arrested Romani women

from the paddy wagon into the

Police Headquarters building at SW

2nd amp Oak in 1951

in Portland barely got by sometimes using abandoned storefronts as homes

Carol Silvermanmdasha professor of cultural anthropology and folklore at the

University of Oregon who has studied worked with and advocated for Roma

locally and around the world for almost forty yearsmdashsays the group of Roma in

Portland who came to work in the shipyards during the war were turned upon

when the war was over ldquoJust like Rosie the Riveter when women no longer were

needed for welding and [were told they] should go back to the homerdquo Silverman

says ldquoit was perceived that this group of Roma was no longer needed in the cityPerceived as foreign outsiders dangerous [they were] given these gas rations to

drive out of staterdquo

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19 FallWinter 2015 Move

COURTESY THOMAS ROBINSON

Roma in America today are a community in flux Families

still identify their lineages through distinct ethnic communi-

ties sometimes called tribes including the Sinti Romanichal

and Kalderash and these communities tend to blend in with

the mainstream In the Northwest a look through local busi-

ness listings will not reveal any obvious groups or organiza-

tions serving them except a handful of very tight-knit Christian

churches Most Kalderash would prefer to live under the radar

says Silverman for a compelling historical reason almost

everywhere theyrsquove gone Roma people have been oppressed by

both government and society

Originally from India Roma communities are traditionally

nomadic From the fourteenth century until the Romanian

emancipation of 1864 Roma were enslaved and traded by the

local nobility in a large area of southern Romania including

Walachia and Moldovia with the support of church institutions

Roma moved to the Northwest in the largest numbers after1864 with Kalderash families settling in the area between 1880

and 1920 Silverman says ldquoFrom the first time they came to

America there were rules regulating where Roma could live and

where they could settle and even the kind of work they could do

Many cities had anti-fortune-telling edicts fortune-telling poli-

cies on the books Some cities actually still have themrdquo

Accused of being naturally inferior and prone to crime Roma

people in the Northwest have been targeted and harassed by

local law enforcement and negatively depicted in the media In

1906 the Oregonian wrote ldquoThe police allege that the gypsies

have such a penchant for stealing everything that is not nai led

down that it is necessary always to lsquokeep an eye on themrsquordquo Andthe Ashland Daily Tidings in 1916 wrote ldquoTrue to their inborn

instincts the horde of gypsies which passed through Ashland

last Sunday failed to get out of t he country without committing

a serious depredationrdquo

No scholar has studied discrimination against the Roma as

fully as Ian Hancock a University of Texas at Austin professor of

linguistics English and Asian studies who laid out his findings

in a 2007 research paper He writes that despite five special US

Congressional sessions addressing the increase in anti-Romani

hate crimes in Europe and the correlative increase in Romani

asylum seekers to the United States ldquoThere nevertheless remain

laws on the books in various states and counties that continue

to operate against Gypsies Many of these laws a list of which

fills thirty-four pages were inherited from Europe and were

intended to be used against the earlier Gypsy populations in the

United States they have since found new application against

the more recently arrived and more v isible Eastern European

Roma escaping the post-Communist increase in racial violence

in that region many of whom are seeking political asylum hererdquo

But despite the hostility they have traditionally faced

Romani people have also historically been linchpins of their

local economies Silverman says Roma in Europe worked in

metalcraft which t hey applied in the United States to recopperand re-tin household items at the turn of the century ldquoUntil the

1950s before stainless steel in order to have a working kitchen

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Oregon Humanities20

Most Americanshave no idea

that their owngovernment waspersecuting Romapeople at thesame time Romain Europe werebeing murdered inthe Holocaust

you had to have your pots and pans redonerdquo Silverman says ldquoThis was a real

Romani skillrdquo

This skill in metalwork was perfect for the emerging car industry in 1920s

and rsquo30s America ldquoRoma did this kind of service for many many Northwest

Americans and then eventua lly they got i nto t he car sales businessrdquo Silver-

man says The Romarsquos family-based car repair operations competed directly

with corporate auto repair shops offering an alternative to high-dollar services

with the personal attention of a family business So by World War II not only

was Mayor Riley rsquos expulsion of Roma families cruel but it also likely damaged

the local economy

Most Americans have no idea that their own government was persecut-

ing Roma people at the same time Roma in Europe were being murdered in

the Holocaust The Nazis killed an estimated 220000 to 500000 Roma men

women and childrenmdashperhaps 25 percent of the European Roma populationmdash

between 1935 and 1945 Morgan Ahern a SintiRomanichal Roma and founder

of Seattle-based organization Lolo Diklo Romani Against Racism believes

the number of Roma killed may be as high as 15 million ldquoMany [were killed] inconcentration campsrdquo she says ldquobut many more [were] just shot on the roadrdquo

Silverman agrees that the effect of the Holocaustmdashknown to some Roma as

the Porraimos or ldquothe devouringrdquomdashon the Roma has been ldquoa footnote in most

textbooksrdquo and is only starti ng to be examined in Holocaust museums because

of lobbying by Roma and their allies

Also overlooked in the history of Roma in the United States generations of

Roma children taken from their parents and warehoused in foster care systems

because of lifestyle differences and some families say racism Ahern was one

of those children removed from her family and put into foster care after her

parents were deemed unfit to ta ke care of her because they were Romani and

nomadic

Even today many Romani individuals and families lack birth certificatesand marriage certificates making them vulnerable to government officialsrsquo

whims Silverma n says ldquoThings like being fingerprinted havi ng a birth certifi-

cate might mean that your children are going to be taken away These historic

memories are very very very much alive for Romardquo

After generations of abuse a modest tide of Roma are beginning to speak out

about their civil rights and demand fair t reatment including fair accommoda-

tions in trying to obtain legal documentation for family members who were

born in the United States Silverman who is on the board of the nonprofit Voice

of Roma says she was involved in a c ase in Portland in which it was argued that

oral testimony in a birth is equivalent to a birth certificate ldquoWhen people bear

witness to a marriagerdquo Silverman says ldquoit doesnrsquot matter if therersquos no marriage

certificate It could be issued based on hindsight on memoryrdquo

For a community that has for generations avoided keeping their money in

bank accounts and sending their children to public schools social isolation is

giving way to an emerging movement for empowerment

On the East Coast Kalderash filmmaker George Eli produces films about

his family and is currently building a media channel on Roma And at the

University of Texas Hancock who is Romanichal Roma has spent decades

building the Program of Romani Studies and the Romani Arch ives and Docu-

mentation Center

Ahern founded Lolo Diklo which means ldquored scarfrdquo in 1986 along w ith a

fellow teacher at Seattle Central College The grouprsquos purpose is to document

discrimination and persecution of Romani Ahernrsquos fatherrsquos Romanichal fam-ily have lived in the United States since the 1700s and were originally sent from

Ireland by the British government as slaves Her motherrsquos family were Sinti who

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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21 FallWinter 2015 Move

No documentsor oral histories

exist showingwhat happened tothe Roma familiesforced out ofPortland in 1944

arrived in the United States in the late 1930s

fleeing the climate in Germany Her maternal

grandmother pretended to be Italian to get into

the country

Over the years Ahern has traveled through-

out the West Coast lecturing about Roma cul-ture and civil rights She works with Romani

organizations across the United States South

America Canada Europe and Spain

Silverman adds that over the past twenty

years many American Roma have become

born-again Christians establishing their own

churches or joining evangelical congregations

Some of these church leaders are emerging as

community spokespeoplemdashsomething very

new for a community that has been persecuted

for so long ldquoThere are Roma who donrsquot want

to be left alone anymore because they are at a

disadvantage when they are left alonerdquo Silver-

man says ldquoThey are being very brave to actu-

ally interact with t he US court systemrdquo

But despite these efforts even today the dis-

crimination that Roma face by revealing their

heritage remains very real ldquoIn their historical

memory interacting with American institu-

tions has often resulted in a form of marginal-

izationrdquo Silverman says

For example Silverman describes ethnic

profiling by police bureaus through what wereknown as ldquobunco squadsrdquo police bureaus in

the South that had ldquoGypsy unitsrdquo to focus on

ldquoGypsy crimerdquo She says ldquoThis is ethnic profiling of crime

assuming that all Roma commit a certain kind of crime and

certain ki nds of crimes are only committed by Romardquo

The racial profiling of Roma people doesnrsquot stop with law

enforcement it is a staple of local news The language used

in Pacific Northwest news coverage in the past ten years to

describe alleged offenders has hardly changed from what was

writ ten in newspapers in the early 1900s

In 2007 a ldquoNight Cabbierdquo column in Willamette Week

sparked outrage ldquoThe Gypsies apparently are no jokerdquo the

unidentified cab driverwriter penned about the apparent rav-

ings of a customer ldquoDespite what we may think she explains to

us that real Gypsies arenrsquot nomadic livestock thieves but in fact

have been living in her neighborhood for decades And theyrsquore

very bad neighborsrdquo

ldquoThis is racist nonsenserdquo a reader responded ldquoInexcusable

for a serious newspaper to print such offensive content about areal livi ng breathing person in the neighborhood on account of

one of his neighbors For all we know this bigoted fool is the bad

neighborrdquo

No documents or oral histories exist showing what happened

to the Roma families forced out of Portland in 1944 Did they

stay in Texas Did they return to the Northwest Did they find

safety Or were they forced on toward some other location And

most important how in the Information Age is it possible that

the Roma experience has been all but forgotten by the main-

stream of society

Silverman holds out hope that organizations such as Voice of

Roma and Lolo Diklo can help Roma keep from getting caught inunfriendly bureaucratic systems as well as provide an opening

for more outreach and understanding The Portland Romani

Festival a one-day celebration featuring food music and infor-

mation on human rights issues affecting Roma people is ten-

tatively scheduled for late spring 2016 The Festival Romani

Facebook page is a fountain of music and cu ltural events par-

ticularly music performances up and down the West Coast

ldquoI think people should become knowledgeable about Romani

history and discrimination in order to combat itrdquo Silverman

says ldquoIt seems to me that while wersquore talking about ethnic a nd

racial diversity we can no longer eliminate a large group that

has suffered prejudice for so many years and continues to suffer

prejudicerdquo

Thanks to Fair Housing Council of Oregon for sharing this

story with Oregon Humanities through its history bus tour

Lisa Loving has reported on civil rights and diversity in

Oregon for more than fifteen years She is a news and

public affairs producer at KBOO Community Radio 907

FM in Portland and the former news editor of the award-

winning African American community newspaper the

Skanner Her new book How to Be a Citizen Journalist will

be released in 2017 by Microcosm Publishing

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities22

Like all places Oregon has a brand an identity that distinguishes

it from other places This identity is a pastiche of characteris-

ticsmdashenvironmental and agricultural urban and rural intrepid and

entrepreneurialmdashthat become a kind of shorthand that rightly or

wrongly insiders and outsiders read to understand what this state

and its people collectively value But how much do we the resi-

dents of this place really know about the systems behind these

things that seem to represent our identity

On the pages that follow we look more closely at just four ofthese cultural identifiers and how they move through their individ-

ual systems coho salmon up the Columbia River past historical

sites trash recyclables reusables and compost from Portland to

other parts of the state and the world bicycles buses and cars

up a busy corridor through a rapidly changing neighborhood and

ideas measures and laws through what is sometimes called the

Oregon System

Thanks to sources at the Confluence Project Death with Dignity Friends of the Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge Heiberg Garbage and

Recycling Metro MIG Northwest Power and Conservation Council Ofce of the Secretary of State Oregon History Project Oregon Legis -

lature Portland Bureau of Transportation TriMet and US Forest Servicersquos Pacific Northwest Research Station for their help with this story

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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23 FallWinter 2015 Move

Salmon up the Columbia RiverAFTER SPENDING sixteen to twenty months at sea a coho

salmon begins her journey up the Columbia and Sandy Rivers

back to her natal spawning grounds This amazing biological phe-

nomenon is also rich with cultural significance and the landmarks

she passes upstream mark the politics and history of her species

1 Salmon were central to the Chinook that once inhabited villages

along the lower Columbia and seining was the most important

method used to catch the fish As runs declined in the early twen-

tieth century white fishermen drove the Chinook off Sand Island

and Peacock Spit two of the most productive seining areas in

the estuary Seining was prohibited by Washington in 1934 and

Oregon in 1948

2 On March 16 1806 Meriwether Lewis drew and described a fish

brought to him at Fort Clatsop ldquoThe white Salmon Trout has

now made itrsquos appearance in the creeks near this place one of

them was brought us today by an Indian who had just taken it with

his gig this is a likness of itrdquo The fish was later classified as coho

salmon Oncorhynchus kisutch

3 In 1866 the brothers George W and William Hume and Andrew

S Hapgood established a salmon cannery at Eagle Cliff

Washington packing 4000 cases their first year In 1895 up to

50 Columbia canneries produced 635000 cases of salmon But

by 1977 the pack was just 2547 cases The last major cannery

on the Columbia closed in 1980

4 On November 5 1805 Lewis and Clark recorded a visit to the

ldquoQuathapotle Nationrdquo one of the largest Chinookan villages the

expedition encountered Today Cathlapotle is an archeological site

and the home of a modern plankhouse which serves as an outdoor

classroom and is used by the Chinook Indian Nation

5 In 2008 Maya Linrsquos sculpture Bird Blind was dedicated The blind

lists 134 plants documented by Lewis and Clark along with one

word on their status today thriving threatened endangered or

extinct Coho are listed as threatened today

6 In 2007 the Marmot Dam part of Portland General Electric hydro-

electric project in the Sandy River basin was removed due to

pressure from conservation groups and rising management costs

Built in 1913 by Portland Railway Light and Power Company the

dam provided hydroelectric power to Portland Today salmon navi-gate a free-flowing river mdashTRM

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities24

1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every

other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-

cling one of a number of independent haulers

in the Metro region grind their gears uphill

traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food

scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-

board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue

recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in

the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green

roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-

egory recycling compost and yard waste and

garbage

2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly

either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-

gon Recycling System past the airport in East

Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery

facilities (there are a handful in the region)

which then sell the materials based on demand

in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others

in foreign countries such as China

3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable

waste the other trucks head to Metro Central

Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro

South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-

tions in the region Last year almost a half a

million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos

two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins

other company haulers contractors with con-

struction waste and residential customers with

miscellaneous items not picked up through

home collection service At the transfer station

the sorting process begins

4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature

Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-

ogy Organics outside of North Plains about

twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about

twelve miles north of Corvallis

5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household

items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material

in roads

6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader

then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time

is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer

stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a

three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty

no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush

plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo

According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the

garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material

The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is

often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per

minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to

an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the

plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity

powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM

Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland

Waste fromSouthwestPortland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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25 FallWinter 2015 Move

1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in

winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period

in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a

twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source

TriMet)

HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make

every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-

tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed

Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-

age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo

In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin

Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the

new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue

represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even

signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from

the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles

per hour depending on the time of day

The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars

buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic

signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and

emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one

hundred intersections throughout Portland

Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North

Williams today reflects a different wave of development and

demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share

the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to

bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes

to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density

residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG

Traffic on North Williams Avenue

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities26

Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect

changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-

erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed

law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or

rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already

passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a

referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather

than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-

ers approved this system in 1902

This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an

initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on

a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided

driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal

documentation of US citizenship status

1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three

ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)

Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text

of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall

issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to

provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)

2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-

tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)

3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of

Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative

petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State

Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal

Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)

4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is

certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults

to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88

58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold

of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to

qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-

ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without

requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to

Dec 2013)

5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88

Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor

Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)

6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51

to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails

666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-

croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered

by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed

lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move

(2003)

7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block

saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-

zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the

case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor

General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the

practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The

US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide

law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG

Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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27 FallWinter 2015 Move

SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137

983158983151983145983139983141

N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -

room closet I came across a box of old family photographs

I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color

photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-

ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five

standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie

primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos

hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-

tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against

the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But

the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a

frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat

in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple

of the Sun

A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -

graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one

end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both

L A I L A L A L A M I

Al-Mursquoallaqat

The GoldenOdes of Love

J E N W I C K S T U D I O

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Oregon Humanities28

of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels

science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-

raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to

love books so much perhaps books provided them an education

about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing

from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches

that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-

ing the reign of King Hassan

It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned

to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed

copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from

friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about

whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-

drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new

offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte

which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne

Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others

Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les

petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why

the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion

Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which

the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to

either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan

tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three

Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords

and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo

Of course none of the characters in these books looked or

spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly

all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan

bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their

homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my

own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they

had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary

world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an

alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define

normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like

my country my imagination had been colonized

I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly

the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-

acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the

fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled

my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high

school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes

where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-

yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as

well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father

said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it

was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted

D RISS C H RAI BI

LA

CI VI LISA TIO N

MA M E R E

PAR

ALEXANDRE DUMAS

Taha Hussein

THE

DA YS

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29 FallWinter 2015 Move

When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same

school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum

el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine

At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were

taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled

with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still

the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-

language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from

the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi

al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the

Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese

Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-

moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some

of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved

each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a

classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-

els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan

authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-

tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren

It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read

adult literature on my own and independently from school that

I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-

ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos

La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a

sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin

Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book

that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment

of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read

lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was

as fertile ground for fiction as any other

And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature

nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in

French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after

all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-

latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss

Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was

ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a

particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made

it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I

was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train

in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco

medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-

ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my

hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat

or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-

matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely

be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study

linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in

a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in

an analytica l way

Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in

Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship

to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait

I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and

racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School

of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work

of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went

back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how

often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes

Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in

our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in

formal soireacutees French was de rigueur

Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-

guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles

and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in

English which made me think even more about the relationship

between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a

prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power

an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people

The education I had received had emphasized the importance

of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our

media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the

shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed

in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored

by the French government for free access to books The role of

Every time I went back

to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much

and how often we moved

between French and

Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not

went through life

switching between codes

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Oregon Humanities30

French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a

cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no

longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case

of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should

not be writing at all

I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish

after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried

to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of

me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that

stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have

immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the

native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow

me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred

to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic

languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought

Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my

days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use

English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the

linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh

perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a

child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-

gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the

same story

I have always written because I have always had the urge to

tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided

that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-

thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my

race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-

larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while

the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and

waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had

enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos

phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-

rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat

seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of

others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the

works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s

such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in

the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and

sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing

graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had

always told stories but now I wanted to be heard

This essay was first published in World Literature Today

Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami

Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The

Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The

Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy

Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for

Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016

Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16

and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for

more information and to buy tickets

Writing in French came

at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial

baggage that I no longer

wanted to carry I started

to suffer from a peculiar

case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic

perhaps I should not be

writing at all

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31 FallWinter 2015 Move

A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good

LORETTA STINSON

I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M

every day after work waiting for Bruce to

get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching

myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me

sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on

from a distance at whatever is happening to

me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie

and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-

kick of the star or I play a supporting role but

I am definitely not the star of this movie The

moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom

just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been

able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed

freak for fifteen years

Sun through the small rectangular win-

dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats

wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in

1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from

the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom

watchi ng my past present a nd future selves

do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental

after another waiting for the next bad thing

to happen and not getting out of the way even

when I see it coming The habit of living in con-

stant fear and the resignation that nothing can

ever change are the glue that holds me in place

This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting

on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on

Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on

hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the

future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who

can only be counted on not to be counted on

In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses

and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about

J U L I A N N A B R I O N

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Oregon Humanities32

detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot

change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-

ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what

the old-timers were saying Needless to say

I didnrsquot

Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go

home and try some new strategy to make Bruce

quit using I once read a book about how sugar

was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding

him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein

diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck

them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat

and beer is a very filling meal in itself When

he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put

in front of him but speed and alcohol are his

drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-

ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never

remembers what he does to me and since he

doesnrsquot remember I have to forget

It be what it be Bruce says about all things

unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color

electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it

be Today I see things clearly for the first time

Today I see myself on this couch waiting for

someone else to do the changing Today I see

that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be

my life until the day he kills me or he dies or

I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been

disappointed too many times Addiction his to

drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove

been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot

see my part until now

My only friend has been telling me for

months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I

have left many times for a day or a week but

Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop

drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs

to me for the first time that this is absurd and a

huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe

itrsquos me who needs to change and not because

that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction

is his business

Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll

be wasted because it was payday and most of

his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-

ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood

alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or

hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how

those will interact with his mood the kind of

day he had and if hersquos eaten

None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for

such a long time that I could Like every person

who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that

if I did all the right things I would figure out a

way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on

his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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33 FallWinter 2015 Move

I worked like some kind of crazy statistician

making up story problems to predict what he

might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job

and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without

eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito

at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos

left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going

to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-

ing home mistakes his second wife for his first

wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out

Please show your work

I have never been able to figure out the rec-

ipe for equilibrium His or mine

Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce

comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not

wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face

slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat

the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says

Itrsquos not really a question but I answer

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him

clearly for the first time I see his addiction in

action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have

nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest

thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can

do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look

at him for too long when hersquos been drinking

kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash

you just back away slowly and try not to piss

him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows

too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how

little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs

to believe because he has to be mad at some-

one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom

just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by

the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about

nothing that it was never my face that pissed

him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He

needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave

to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do

no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a

revelation

He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you

looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on

the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-

spread that covers its stained sagging cush-

ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier

mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore

afraid when hersquos like this and they should be

Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that

hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what

if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities34

dead or at least not living just existing on the

edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story

Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom

suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am

afraid of being killed

I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to

make a home The china teacups that I str ung

together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks

in the window like a mobile The plants my

booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the

sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the

bed my dad and I refinished before I left home

The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday

The fifteen years of history we have together

one year short of half my life tonight not all of

it bad He is no monster just a man struggling

wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to

face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo

He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo

He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo

Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He

screams them at me knowing how in the past

these are the very words that made me cling to

him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go

Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but

this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest

the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about

his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does

Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom

seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man

Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried

to help for his own good right This man Irsquove

tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody

made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when

I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself

Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the

usual responseI know three things tonight Number one

If I stay this will be my life until I die Number

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities36

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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37 FallWinter 2015 Move

M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN

he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline

somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and

believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he

turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean

for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees

in rows

My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home

at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York

City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for

rows of buildings

ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says

In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark

skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the

Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n

My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I

met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo

My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too

often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance

of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He

was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister

a year later

My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my

father a suit They seem happy in the picture

Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put

half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband

My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years

My grandmother died

All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a

life rocked with waves

P A I G E

V I C K E R S

JASON ARI AS

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Oregon Humanities38

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have

let that slip through thecracksrdquo

My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes

My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why

Grandma was hiding

Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here

To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-

vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where

we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We

have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo

I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened

My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next

closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed

a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time

tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the

process

Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends

Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his

giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist

until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again

We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in

the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-

ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-

lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be

Ama zons)

The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door

I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour

feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean

ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said

We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not

about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same

ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As

kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon

I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower

water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the

high tide after being beached again and again

One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom

decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia

One of my new Olympian friends flicked a

match that started a fire inside my mattress I

tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking

Mom came home and we put the burning

bed outside

This isnrsquot a metaphor

I slept on the floor of my bedroom that

night missing the ocean of Grayland while my

mom and sister shared their bed in the room

next to mine The next morning my mattress

was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-

ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a

popular song on the radio at the time One of us

would start singing the lyrics

How can we dance when our earth is turning

and then wersquod all join in

How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh

But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame

Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-

land That no matter how many times we

were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty

porous flotation device on which to try to

reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe

even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the

way we did as something gia nt and limit less

something to be feared and conquered some-

thing to be moved by

In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a

flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called

my name and the light receded back down the

hall disappearing into the living room and

slipping out the front door

We discovered that the flickering light had

left wax shapes on the carpet of our living

room that could have been bad pentagrams or

the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It

left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot

take any money It left us wondering if some

past boyfriend had found us somehow

Whi le we were out the next day somebody

hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment

door Mom winced at the divots denting the

wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing

mechanism once was with her hand

We left the dishes in the sink

We left no forwarding address

We boarded a bus

Two days later we were on the doorstep of

the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with

a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my

backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase

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39 FallWinter 2015 Move

in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever

received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer

trophies in the other

At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude

who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-

thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been

there were two concave smooth-skinned div-

ots She was always smiling I liked watching

how Jude listened

Before long the four of us moved into an

apartment between Portland and Gresham It

was right on the MAX line and right on the city

line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-

landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign

that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block

to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch

my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but

Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the

perfect space for her She said it was easier for

her to know where everything was in a smaller

environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond

than an ocean

One day Jude brought her new boyfriend

home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo

ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said

Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor

and said ldquo White peoplerdquo

I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was

wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what

ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to

a blind person

Red is the rage in your gut

White is the entrapment of the disabled

One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend

and her room became a closet again

We saw her a little and then not at all

Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to

Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally

almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of

my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday

cards and pictures that were inside it

Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-

day cards away

My wife and I began archiving our new fam-

ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with

the rest of them Our sons grew I became an

uncle My grandfather remarried and went

crazy My mother still has the same smile she

had when I was young

Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a

bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple

of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary

There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help

you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear

Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie

each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out

If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads

directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end

points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably

guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock

between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled

and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long

by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of

human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of

the Mayan calendar

In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and

I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of

the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam

When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-

land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else

ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says

one night while wersquore lying in bed

And I do

I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that

had to happen I listen to our breath

In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I

make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My

finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving

And then the line disappears

And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and

falling together

Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the

Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life

Poems and Stories of the Dead

If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between

Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities40

READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts

One hundred moves and not one of

them associated with the military

a job or being on the run

The Ledger

Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G

through a yard sale I picked up an old

ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-

ance Company of New York A large thin hard-

bound ledger black with a red spine eleven

inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by

insurance agents to track insurers and their

policies all entries written by hand There was

only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty

cents the rest of the pages were blank After

years of treasuring its antiquity but making

no entries of my own I tore the one used page

out and decided to start tracking al l my moves

before my memory lost track I sat down and

recorded all the moves I remembered over one

hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my

parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them

associated with the military a job or being on

the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-

derlust and exploration then relationships

and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad

landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just

being unable as a single parent to bear the rent

and high heating bills Once my oldest son and

I landed in a decent house that could hold us

indefinitely After three months I was drawn to

cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted

to gather them touch them fill their empti-

ness with our lives When I realized what was

going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in

that house for two years then moved to Hawai i

Now the kids are grown the grandkids are

teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos

no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-

foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a

semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided

me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she

said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo

As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot

out of my feet and sink into the ground I was

so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here

three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot

want to move

What have I lea rned th rough al l these

moves Adaptability being and living in the

now and that there is glory in both staying and

moving but it is much easier and cheaper to

stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland

Out of the Nest

I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E

back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze

tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last

time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex

where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs

Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot

stepped inside the apartment for eight months

To do so would risk my life

ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-

tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February

I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following

weekmdashfor six months

Left behind with Michael were our surro-

gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy

and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned

starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier

It was last October when I first developed

symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-

ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse

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41 FallWinter 2015 Move

This is where the plates layers of crust

crashed into each other in a fiery show

perhaps tens of thousands of years ago

Soon breathing was excruciating I took

shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain

Paralyzing fatigue set in

My endocrinologist suspected chronic

obstructive pulmonary disease which made

little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I

began scouring descriptions of lung conditions

Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity

pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung

Relief and terror flooded in

If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-

monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a

terminal condition in which scarring causes

respiratory failure within three to five years

Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif

caught early But the solution is drastic We

would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-

ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even

be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the

parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would

have a new ending

Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms

lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper

grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-

pice moments before plummeting

Today we are moving the last of our belong-

ings into our first house The kitties and birdies

have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed

While I cannot hold my babies I watch them

on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the

two-way speaker

From rescue feedings to teenage angst to

nighttime vigils during illness in caring for

these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging

from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety

Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey

take their first tentative steps toward flight

Today I learned the most painful lesson let-

ting go

MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene

Subduction Zones

T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK

were on an af ternoon in early Septem-

ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for

the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper

and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our

ankles

Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-

berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend

and is directly responsible for the creation of

Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back

then one that I sometimes imagined looked

like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus

Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of

the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale

their name suggests but the result of plates

shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-

tion led to the formation of the trio This is

where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into

each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-

sands of years ago Subduction zones are places

where great trauma lies

And here I was all these years later in the

shadows of these mountains loss everywhere

Later that day back at our apartment we

walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit

into anymore For more than a year we went

through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern

Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that

followed us Then one day our four-year-old

daughter started a conversation that shook me

ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo

I nodded

ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so

sadrdquo

Six words leapt at me

ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo

We moved back to Ash land where brig ht

red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-

hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot

know it then but we were charting our own

map however imperfect Healing crept up on

us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-

ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew

Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng

up the darkness Seventeen years passed

And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most

folks want to flee helps you see things more

clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in

its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along

VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland

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Oregon Humanities42POSTS

continued from previous page

Just to

underscore

how settled we

planned to be

we unpacked

EverythingEven the

heirloom china

which had never

before left its

boxes We were

here to stay

Dance Church

SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I

go to church Dance church A church

where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers

to recite A church where at first glance outsid-

ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon

arriving I see a few little munchkins running

around with oversize neon headphones on to

protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music

set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with

rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors

There are flowers candles pillow puddles

beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some

kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in

alignment with the morningrsquos intention

As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s

become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-

tainer in which I can move once again after

years of chronic freezing and dissociating A

trapped animal released back into the wild

wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom

in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism

evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with

anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our

spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist

The music awakens the holy spirit within

me and dances me through throngs of people

I am an antelope cut loose checking out the

creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns

bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms

Each stunning in their authentic movement I

see people falling in love with each other from

a distance I see a girl rocking four different

Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed

like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands

ldquopracticing dancingrdquo

This is the church of Miriam the biblical

tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of

years later I move here and I am reunited with

my self my best self my most curious mischie-

vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self

Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten

invited back in the room to whip her hair back

and forth I throw my head back in delight and

laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like

hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form

of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music

EMILY I BEDAL Portland

Again

M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R

upwardly mobile engineer That trans-

lated into at least one move per year until I was

eight and another address for high school I

moved every year in college one year twice I

moved three times during my first stint in Bos-

ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-

ment for the whole two years Then it was back

to Boston where I lived in five different homes

in five years

Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for

the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe

two years back East then back to New Mexico

in two different cities three different homes

Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates

what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo

From Albuquerque we moved to our present

home in Port Orford my thirt ieth

Moving has always been exciting cathar-

tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books

by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally

donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-

ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated

magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets

ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit

thatrsquos never happened In each new house

wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos

never worked

We vowed Port Orford would be our final

ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore

how settled we planned to be we unpacked

Everything Even the heirloom china which

had never before left its boxes We were here

to stay

Except it seems wersquore going to have to move

again but not for the exciting futures wersquod

always envisioned before Now we need doctors

and hospitals and a nearby airport for family

visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is

on the other side of adventure Now we need a

place to feel safe secure

So the sorting and throwing out is about to

begin yet again There are closets and drawers

that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to

dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of

booksmdashto give away This move exciting No

way The very thought of it exhausts me

Still those other feelings cathartic freeing

new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford

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43 FallWinter 2015 Move

Next theme Root

For the Spring 2016 issue tell

us your stories about rooting

around taking root being

uprooted or root-bound getting

to the root of a problem being

the root of the problem rooting

someone on Share stories and

ideas about beginnings origins

and foundations Analyze a

historical or contemporary

grassroots effort Describe

the tension between staying

put and being stuck Send your

submission (400 words maxi-

mum) by February 15 2016 to

postsoregonhumanitiesorg

Submissions may be edited for

space or clarity

Listen to Your Body

I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y

motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease

Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit

and spot-on timing Though she was confined

to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was

still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her

sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-

cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone

have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but

aching joints diminished strength and a fal-

tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back

Those maladies werenrsquot the result of

chronic disease More like lack of exercise At

some point in the past decade or so I developed

an aversion to any fitness routine That choice

has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo

class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community

Center

Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the

center for the past thirty-six years teaches

the dance-infused workout three days a week

Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at

the core of each class She dispenses praise as

we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform

deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements

and she encourages each of us to breathe and

listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably

youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying

ballet seriously By then her versatility as an

actress singer dancer and comedian had been

evident in community theater productions in

the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although

not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few

years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe

continues to lead a full life She can still stand

and press her palms flat to the floor despite

relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip

notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg

and stretch at the barre

A role model for agi ng wit h presence and

dignity Lynn maintains her considerable

charm and elegance and purposely keeps her

body and mind active Like my mother she

is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has

inspired me to accept what my body can do

today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow

Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for

getting up in the morning And by some mea-

sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE

Portland

Over the Hill

I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D

eleven times in three years I worked spring

through fall as a natural history guide in

Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure

where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned

into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply

moved around A lot With each new tempo-

rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked

clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was

nothing

At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the

person who would become my life partner

another seasonal worker We would move from

Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We

lived one magical off-season on a houseboat

on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the

ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught

me I loved wide-open spaces What could be

wider than the Pacific A fter one more season

of guiding I came back to the coast and decided

to stay

I volunteered my way into one steady job

and eventually landed another at the local

college After a few more seasons my partner

came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota

and we bought another together He built a

business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our

hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and

had a child Wersquod officially settled down

The economic hardships of rural living

however are real job opportunities decline

and can no longer support the life wersquove built

The accumulation of years no longer fits into

the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner

took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast

and we lived as a split family The split was tax-

ing though so we decided to make the move

to the city We left the first community of our

adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven

ourselves The only community our daughter

has even known Friends asked me not to go

Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart

still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the

sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes

at the memory of that moon over Tillamook

Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot

nothingmdashitrsquos every thing

NANCY SLAVIN Portland

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Oregon Humanities44

Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm

LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015

This intertwined story of two

teenage girls and their mothers

is set in New Orleans during

and after Hurricane Katrina

In her debut novel Urbani an

Oregon writer with Southern

roots brings a maternal touch

to the narrative handling trag-

edy with a careful soulfulness

and love This honest yet brutal

story will simultaneously break

and warm your heart

mdashAnnie Kaffen

At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015

Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French

Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the

Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural

French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-

tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans

and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a

snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland

Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015

Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the

Oregon physician and radicalrsquos

extraordinary experiences

from her early years working in

a textile mill in New Bedford

Massachusetts through her

activist years in Oregon includ-

ing a three-year term at San

Quentin State Prison Equi lived

openly as a lesbian beginning in

the 1890s and was one of the

first practicing female doctors

in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and

compassion for others with a

strong personal belief in social

and economic justice

mdashCarole Shel lhart

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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45 FallWinter 2015 Move

People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015

This debut collection from

Portland writer Margaret

Malone is filled with brief

bitterly funny stories about the

sort of people who tie them-

selves in knots in their heads

and feel uncomfortable in their

own skin and can never quite

bring themselves to say the

words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point

includes all of us

mdashBen Waterhouse

The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015

Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer

The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with

Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research

for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the

first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of

revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced

a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer

in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he

writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo

mdashMaggie Starr

To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for

Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon

Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205

Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe

Sasquatch Books 2015

Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter

Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt

to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography

in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers

a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden

rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance

sounds smells and much more

mdashBen Waterhouse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities46

Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson

February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum

1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg

CROPPINGS

Wendy Red Star Untitled

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities programs are

funded by the National Endowment

for the Humanities and the Oregon

Cultural Trust and by contributions from

individuals foundations community

organizations and corporations For

more information about Oregon

Humanities or to learn how you can help

more Oregonians get together share

ideas listen think and grow please

contact us at

921 SW Washington Street Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax

(503) 241-0024

ohmoregonhumanitiesorg

oregonhumanitiesorg

Staff

e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r

Adam Davis

facilitation and tra ining manager

Rachel Bernstein

communicationsprogram associate

Eloise Holland

editorassociate director

Kathleen Holt

development director

Kamla Hurst

program officer

Annie Kaffen

office manager

Mikaela Schey

director of finance and oper ations

Carole Shellhart

development associate

Maggie Starr

communications associate

Ben Waterhouse

program coordinator

Kyle Weismann-Yee

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Board of Directorsch a i r

Sona Karentz Andrews Portland

v ic e ch a i r

Janet Webster Newport

tr e a s u r e r

Jeff Cronn Portland

secretary

Matthew Boulay Salem

Paul Duden Portland

Kimberly Howard Portland

Nels Johnson Portland

Emily Karr Portland

Shannon Mara Bend

Win McCormack Portland

Alberto Moreno Portland

Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego

Ron Paul Portland

Denise Reed Astoria

Chantal Strobel Bend

Dave Weich Portland

Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED

Non-profit Org

US Postage

PAID

Permit No 1274

Portland OR

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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5 FallWinter 2015

You fundYou fund The Trust We in turn fund the strummers writers

cloud dancers and dreamers who make Oregon Oregon

DOUBLE the impact of your favorite cultural donation for FREE

1) Donate to your favorite organization(s) 2) If theyrsquore one of

our 1400 cultural nonprofits donate that same amount to the

Cultural Trust 3) Take that same amount off your state taxes

Easy Learn more and donate at CulturalTrustorg

DONATE$ TO AN ORG

FUELOREGONCULTURE

$ TO THE TRUST

AND GET THE

SAME $ BACK

DONATE+ =

IN TWANG WE TRUST

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities6

HUMA NITIES ACROSS OREGON

Field Work

Donnell Alexander leads a

conversat ion about hip hop on

the stage of Portland Playhousersquos

production of How We Got On

How We Got OnOregon Humanities and Portland Playhouse

partner for an evening of hip hop and

conversation

O N E E V E N I N G I N O C T O B E R P O R T -

land Playhousersquos stage was set not for the

production of How We Got On by Idris Goodwin

which opened at the end of September but for

a conversation about local hip hop culture rap

music and how musicians break into the scene

A s more than sixty peoplemdashincluding a

couple of groups of teens and adults of all

agesmdashfound their seats around the stage DJ Verbz set the tone of the evening with a mix of

local hip hop music

ldquoHow We Got On A Hip Hop Conversationrdquo

wa s org an iz ed by Oregon Hum an ities and

Portland Playhouse to bring residents

together to talk about some of the themes and

ideas presented in the play How We G ot On

One of Portland Playhousersquos goals says Artis-

tic Director Brian Weaver is to engage audi-

ences beyond traditional theater talk-backs

Donnell Alexander who leads an Oregon

Humanities Conversation Project called

ldquoNorthwest Mixtape Hip Hop Culture and

Influencesrdquo facilitated the conversation and

designed the eveningrsquos program While plan-

ning the event he brought on Verbz and up-and-coming Portland rapper Glenn Waco who

performed a short set The cast of How We Got

K I M O

A N H N G U Y E N

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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7 FallWinter 20157

Want to keepup with thehumanities inOregon

bull Visit oregonhumanitiesorg

to sign up for our monthly

enewsletter

bull Like us on Facebook

bull Follow us on Twitter

On also performed a scene from the play

W ha t st art ed as a conv er sati on ab out

what makes Por tland hip hop unique evolved

into a discussion that touched on everything

from redliningmdashthe practice of denying mort-

gages to people who live in certai n areas based

on the racial makeup of those areasmdashto the

Telecommunications Act of 1996 to what itrsquos

like to be an artistmdashparticularly an artist of

colormdashin Portland

Ithica Tell an actress who performs the

role of the Selector in How We Got On talked

about the difficulty of seeing hip hop music

thrive in the Northwest while the black cul-

ture that created it is rejected ldquoItrsquos hard

for black culture and communities to take

root when theyrsquore not nurturedrdquo she saidreferencing an 1857 exclusion clause in

Oregonrsquos constitution that prohibited black

people from living in t he state and that wasnrsquot

repealed until 1926

Alexander who is relati vely new to Port-

land was excited by the opportunity to have

people in a room talking about a topic hersquos

passionate about and one thatmdashespecially

when it comes to the Pacific Nor thwestmdashhersquos

still learning about himself ldquoIn this age of

the Internet we all think we know every-

thing but we donrsquot Itrsquos a living historyrdquo hesaid ldquoItrsquos important that we understand our

environment and the way we start to do that

is by talking to each otherrdquo

ELOISE HOLLAND

Pints and PulitzersThink amp Drink 2016 brings Pulitzer Prize

winners to Oregon

OR E G O N H U M A N I T I E S rsquo T H I N K amp

Drink series will feature Pulitzer Prize

winners and fina lists in eight events around

Oregon in 2016 Conversations with four

renowned writers will take place in Portland

Astoria Bend and Eugene

Think amp Drink which sparks provoca-

tive conversations about big ideas began as a

happy-hour event at a Portland bar in 2009

Alt hough it has since grow n t o fi ll larger ven-

ues the series remains more intimate and

casual than traditional lecture programs

Past guests include Cheryl Strayed UrsulaK Le Guin and Barry Lopez While Oregon

Humanities has presented individual Think

amp Drink events outside of Portland this is

the first time the series will feature the same

guests in multiple communities

The 2016 Think amp Drink series will feature

appearances by novelist Laila Lalami in Port-

land and Bend (read her essay on page 27) jour-

nalist and novelist Heacutector Tobar in Portland

and Eugene journalist and historian Isabel

Wil kerson in Portland a nd Astoria a nd jour-nalist Katherine Boo in Portland

Think amp Drink 2016 is made possible by a

Alberta Rose Theatre 3000 NE Alberta St Portland

700ndash830 pm Doors at 600 pm

Minors with parent or guardian

Series tickets ($50$100) available now at

oregonhumanitiesorg

Think amp Drink

2016A Special Pulitzer Prize Series

FEBRUARY 16

Laila Lalami author of The Moorrsquos Account

February 17 in Bend

APRIL 19

Heacutector Tobar author of Deep Down Dark

The Untold Stories of 33 Men Buried in

a Chilean Mine and the Miracle That Set

Them Free

April 20 in Eugene

JULY 20

Isabel Wilkerson author of The Warmth of

Other Suns The Epic Story of Americarsquos

Great Migration

July 21 in Astoria

OCTOBER 19

Katherine Boo author of Behind the Beautiful

Forevers Life Death and Hope in a

Mumbai Undercity

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities8

T H I N K amp D R I N K R E T U R N S

Oregon Humanitiesrsquo Think amp Drink

returns in 2016 engaging the public to

think and talk about big ideas Thanks

to support from the Pulitzer Centennial

Campfires Initiative this yearrsquos series

wi ll bri ng Pu lit zer Pr ize wi nne rs and

finalists to Portland Astoria Bend and

Eugene The speakers include Laila Lal-

ami Heacutector Tobar Isabel Wilkerson and

Katherine Boo See p 7 for more details

about the series

D E A R S T R A N G E R M O V E D E A R

Stranger OHrsquos letter-writing project

invites Oregonians to write a personal

letter to someone theyrsquove never met

and receive a letter in exchange To par-

ticipate write a letter inspired by thetheme ldquoMoverdquo and send it along with a

self-addressed stamped envelope and a

signed release form to Dear Stranger co

Oregon Humanities 921 SW Washington

St Suite 150 Portland Oregon 97205

Letters must be mailed by January 22

2016 to be exchanged Visit oregonhu-

manitiesorg for complete guidelines and

to download a release form

H O S T A C O N V E R S A T I O N P R O J E C T

Oregon nonprofits and community

groups can apply until January 31 2016

to host Conversation Project discussions

in the spring and summer Visit oregon-

humanitiesorg for more information

and look out for the application window

for 2016ndash17 conversation leaders open-

ing in January

W E L C O M E N E W B O A R D M E M B E ROregon Humanities is pleased to

announce the election of Shannon Mara

to the board of directors this September

Mara has worked in business manage-

ment and consulting in Oregon since

1994 She works with Volunteers in Medi-

cine and Sudara Corp and also serves on

the boards of directors for Opportunity

Knocks and 1859 Media LLC

N E H C E L E B R A T E S F I F T Y Y E A R S

The National Endowment for the

Humanities one of the largest funders

of humanities programs in the country

makes Oregon Humanitiesrsquo work pos-

sible This year the NEH celebrates fifty

years of achievement Since its inception

in 1965 the organization has awarded

63000 grants totaling $53 billion in

order to strengthen teaching research

and lifelong learning around the nation

Oregon Humanities News

$30000 grant from the Pu litzer Prize Centen-

nial Campfires Initiative a $15 million effort

to generate conversations across the country

about the impact of journalism and humanities

on our lives in observation of the hundredth

presentation of the annual awards The Pulit-

zer Prizes established by newspaper publisher

Joseph Pulitzer in his will recognize excel-

lence in journalism letters and music

Season tickets to the Portland events which

will take place at the Alberta Rose Theatre are

available now at albertarosetheatrecom Tick-

ets for events outside of Portland will be avail-

able through local venues

BEN WATERHOUSE

Power and PlaceOregon Humanities launches a project to

explore land loss by communities of color

A F T E R R E C E I V I N G A N O V E R W H E L M -

ingly enthusiastic response to the video

Future Portland Kathleen Holtmdashwho coordi-

nated the production of the video for Oregon

Humanitiesmdashknew there were more stories

like this one that needed telling The video

which wa s made by ma gazi ne contr ibutor

Ifanyi Bell and Brushfire Creative Partners

tells the story of loss and hope in Portlandrsquos

black communities It was powerful Holt says

because it showed the effects of displacement

on people and how that experience feels

Inspired by the impact the video had on

Oregonians Oregon Humanities is launch-

ing a new multimedia project that will collect

and connect stories about the loss of lands and

power by communities of color Combining

technology arts and the humanities the proj-

ect will culminate in a website featuring videos

photos maps timelines graphics words and

other content created by artists and writers of

color to express Oregonrsquos stories of land and

power loss as well as peoplersquos responses to this

loss including thriving and resistance

Holt says the goal of this undertak ing is toshare with Oregonians the sometimes hidden

histories and contributions of communities

of color ldquoItrsquos important for citizens t o under-

stand how the world takes shape around us

Once we have that awareness we can take

steps to change and improve our communityrdquo

she says By creating a space to express many

different stories side by side Oregon Human-

ities aims to help build a broader understand-

ing of how policies and legislation influence

systems of power and landownership in Ore-

gonrsquos past a nd present

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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9 FallWinter 2015

Joaquin LopezThis project which is made possible by a

$110000 grant from the Creative Heights Ini-

tiative of the Oregon Community Foundation

wi ll create a place for ar tis ts and writer s of

color to share their work and will invite more

stories Holt says ldquoThis project is just the

beginning We hope to create a place for these

kinds of stories to live and be shared By set-

ting up this place other stories will come to usrdquo

The website is expected to launch in January

2017 To watch Future Portland visit oregon-

humanitiesorg

JULIA WITHERS

The Power of Story

Idea Lab guest inspires students to find meaningin stories

W H E N M U S I C I A N A N D C O M M U N I T Y

advocate Joaquin Lopez is able to con-

vince yout h that they have the power to make

their own lives meaningful he says ldquothey

become the owners of their own experiencerdquo

This summer Lopez shared his story with 120

rising high school seniors from around the

state at Oregon Humanitiesrsquo Idea Lab Sum-

mer Institute

A Partnership to Promote PublicConversation Around Palliative Care

The Cambia Health Foundation is proud to partner with Oregon Humanities to

help communities across Oregon talk about what maers most

Learn more at oregonhumanitiesorg

R U S S E L L

J Y O U N G

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities10

FundersKeep OregonListeningLearning andExploring

Thanks to the support of

our generous funders

Oregon Humanities

brings tens of thousands

of Oregonians togethermdash

face-to-face online and

on the pagemdashto talk

listen and learn from one

another The following

funders have recently

offered support to make

Oregon a more dynamic

and vital place to live

bull The Oregon Community

Foundation $110000

Creative Heights grant

to pursue a multimedia

project that explores land

loss by communities of

color in Oregon

bull The Maybelle Clark

Macdonald Fund

$20000 for matching

new and increased dona-tions over the last year

bull The Rose E Tucker

Charitable Trust $6500

for Conversation Project

bull Emily Georges Gott-

fried Fund $2000 for a

pilot project training high

school students to lead

community conversations

bull Union Bank of California

Foundation $2000 for

Humanity in Perspective

Idea Lab is a three-day program that brings

Oregon teachers and high school juniors

together to explore the pursuit of happiness

and how it shapes our world Students from

diverse communities and economic back-

grounds engage with big ideas through work-

shops lectures films and conversations This

year the weekend concluded with a special pre-

sentation by Lopez

Incorporating personal narrative lecture

and Latin American folk music into his perfor-

mance Lopez focused on the power of stories

to connect people to history themselves and

the world Lopez shared with Idea Lab students

how he came to terms with his ow n identity as

a queer Latino man by realizing that hersquos the

author of his own story and the creator of his

own happiness Students gave Lopez a stand-

ing ovation they appreciated his honesty

openness and confidence Courtney Ford astudent from De La Salle North Catholic High

School commented ldquoHe left the audience with

ldquoAt Idea Lab I learned to see

the world not just as what it was

but as what it could berdquomdashMark Delgado Oregon Humanities Idea Lab alumnus (2010) and counselor (2015)

Help more Oregonians connect to life-changing ideas

Visit giveguideorgoregonhumanities to make a gift

through the Willamette Week rsquos 2015 GiveGuide

inspiration to truly be themselvesrdquo

Lopez believes in the potential of the

humanities to engage and empower people In

his work with youth at the Latino Networkmdash

a nonprofit with locations in Portland and

Gresham that promotes social change by unit-

ing the Latino communitymdashLopez manages

Studio Latino an after-school program that

focuses on Latin American arts and culture

The program was piloted last spring and this

year it will enter Reynolds High School in

Troutdale Gresham High School and Alder

Elementary in Portland Lopez works to incor-

porate themes of perseverance personal char-

acter and cultural identity into the program so

that students can bring those values with them

beyond high school

For Lopez creating spaces where youth can

be themselves and connect with each other is

a powerful way to make change ldquoStories havethe capacity to heal they remind us that we are

all in this togetherrdquo

JULIA WITHERS

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11 FallWinter 2015 FROM THE DIRECTOR

W H E N I W A S FIVE A ND L IVING IN A

small Minnesota city my fatherrsquos par-

ents visited from New York On Sunday morn-

ing we went as usual to Perkins where I did

what my parents had prepared me to do I asked

for pancakes but no bacon With enthusiasm

and pride I told my grandparentsmdashMoshe and

Lottie to most people Saba and Sabtah to memdash

that because they were there I was only having

pancakes no bacon

Two decades later I went to visit the fam-

ily of the woman who is now my wife While

most of the family ate snappy cheese and corn

pudding inside the Millersburg Kentucky

home my wifersquos fatherrsquos mother asked me on

the back porch what my belief was about Jesus

Christ She listened to the first tepid sentence

of my response and thanked me and walked

into the kitchen to urge her granddaughter to

be careful

A few years ago I went with my wife and

kids to the funeral of my wifersquos motherrsquos third

husband in a Southern Baptist church in a

small town in South Carolina In a departurefrom the churchrsquos usual practice a well-

known local musician sang ldquoImaginerdquo Two

of the three eulogies were delivered from the

altar by gay men When the preacher led us in

prayer and song my kids and I and I think my

wife were silent We knew neither the words

nor the tune

My kids now ten and eight tell people who

ask that they are both Christian and Jewish I

suspect my grandparents and my wifersquos grand-

parents would have said they are neither

I donrsquot think my kids know that they are a

thoroughly contemporary diluted amalgam

of Presbyterian Southern Baptist and Jew

Therersquos Scotch-Irish and English and Lithu-

anian and Polish in there Therersquos Kentucky

and Alabama and New York and Israel and

Minnesota and Chicago Therersquos other stuff

too They see themselves as OregoniansIn a short essay thatrsquos been on my mind re-

cently the author Toureacute thinks through how

he will raise children with his soon-to-be wife

He writes that it will be his job not hers to

bring blackness into the home He tries in his

essay to figure out what that could mean but

he seems certain that the job belongs to him

Earlier this fall at the Confederated Tribes

of Grand Rondersquos Third Annual History and

Culture Summit there was a good deal of

attention to cultural inheritancemdashwhat we

receive and what we pass on Several peoplespoke of thinking seven generations back and

seven generations forward I canrsquot go back four

and find the looking forward even hardermdashand

there we were thinking about this at just the

third-annual summit an old culture becoming

new again

This summit got me thinking about how

the more pressure your culture is undermdashthe

more persecution and threat it suffersmdashthe

more likely you may be to think carefully about

preserving it recognizing it passing it on

One thing thatrsquos been passed on to me is

an undiluted commitment to questions This

time of year with the holidays and their vari-

ous rituals upon us my big question is about

what Toureacute calls his job

Merry or happy or bountiful or blessed

whatever everyone and also this what of

what yoursquove received do you want to pass on

What would you be fine leaving behind And

what can you do to transmit the good stuff

inherited or acquired later seven generations

hence

What We Pass On

A DA M DAV IS

K I M N

G U Y E N

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities12

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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13 FallWinter 2015 Move

Whose StateIs This

Legal measures targeting LatinoOregonians reflect fears of change

I N TH E A U TU MN O F 1 980 TE R E S A A L O NS O L E O NrsquoS FA TH E R DE C IDE D TO TA KE A

rare day off from working in the fields near Clackamas to bring his daughters to what he thought

was a publ ic pa rk Alonso Leon who was five and her sister played catch their feet crunchingfallen leaves as they ran across the grass Then a car pulled up The driver got out and shouted at

Alonso Leonrsquos father The man spoke in English but her father spoke only SpanishmdashAlonso Leon

too They had only recently arrived from the southern state of Michoacaacuten Mexico to their new

home in Oregon The man grew more agitated gesturing and raising his voice until her father

gathered the girls and left

ldquoIt was a golf course or someplace people didnrsquot want kids playingrdquo Alonso Leon who is now

forty-one recalls ldquoMy father couldnrsquot read the signs and we had no idea what the man was saying

But the way the man spoke to my father that just stuck with merdquo

Alonso Leonrsquos fami ly are modern-day Movers people who made Oregon their destination of

hope for prosperity renewal and survival But her family would not have fit the original ideal

Movers was the nineteenth-century nickname for settlers who drove west in covered wagons

ldquoRestlessness was their dominant traitrdquo historian Malcolm Clark Jr wrote in his 1981 book Eden

Seekers ldquoThe gene of it was passed from father to son as a part of the act of procreation The fron-

tier was constantly reproducing itselfrdquo

For centuries the new Oregonians worked to make sure the reproducing gene was white W hen

it won statehood in 1859 Oregon was part of the anti-slavery Northmdashif only because its constitu-

tion excluded blacks from living within the statersquos borders (The provision wasnrsquot removed until

1926) Native tribes were shuffled to reservations and Chinese workers were attacked by white

residents in Oregon City La Grande and several other communities

The twentieth-century brought more hostility In 1920 state law required non-English news-

papers to print English translations Portlandrsquos black population swelled when the cityrsquos ship-

yards expanded during World War II and city leaders segregated African Americans in North

and Northeast Portland neighborhoods and nearby Vanport a slapdash public housing project ina floodplain near the Columbia River The state didnrsquot outlaw discrimination in housing restau-

rants hotels and other accommodations until the 1950s

BRENT WALTH

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities14

Oregon can no longer look in a mirror and see a bleached face

staring back In 1980 the first year the first year the CensusBureau included ldquoHispanicrdquo as a n ethnic category fewer than 7

percent of people in the state identified themselves as anything

other than ldquowhiterdquo Now according to the most recent Census

numbers nearly one quarter identify a s something other than

ldquowhite alonerdquo

The definition of what it means to be an Oregonian has

shifted as the state has seen immigrants from Asia Eastern

Europe and Africa The biggest shift has been in the statersquos

Latino population which has grown five times faster than the

state as a whole According to the Census 125 percent of the

population now identifies as Hi spanic or Latino Several cities

now count Latinos as the majority

One of those cities is Woodburn a Marion County town of

24000 where Alonso Leon now serves as a member of the city

council and where an acceptance of languages other than Eng-

lish has helped the community deal with change ldquoIf you donrsquot

have that you instead have misunderstanding and mispercep-

tions about other peoplerdquo Alonso Leon says ldquoWersquore not sitting

down together often enough as it isrdquo

Oregon has become a state of many languages But a small

effective and (many say) xenophobic group is pushing to put

a measure on the 2016 ballot that would declare English as the

statersquos official language Oregonians will need to decide if fear will divide the state over race ethnicity and how we talk to each

other

JIM LUDWICK SEES A DAY WHEN AMERICANS WILL BE

expected to speak both English and Spanish It worries him

ldquoBeing a bilingual country is breaking down people accord-

ing to where they came from rather than encouraging everyone

to be unitedrdquo Ludwick says ldquoItrsquos a tragedy waiting to happenrdquo

Ludwick a retired pharmaceuticals salesman from McMin-

nville is cofounder of Oregonians for Immigration Reform

which is pushing the Engl ish-only measure Since its found-

ing in 2000 the group has argued that the federal govern-

mentrsquos failure to enforce immigration laws has wreaked havoc

on the country The g roup opposes any government privileges

for undocumented residents including schools and health

care Oregonians for Immigration Reform he says favors the

deportation of anyone the government discovers is living in the

country illegally That includes the estimated 120000 undocu-

mented people living in Oregonmdasha number thatrsquos actually fallen

in recent years ldquoThis country was founded on the rule of lawrdquoLudwick says ldquoWersquore now seeing people openly violating our

immigration laws while try ing to impose new laws on usrdquo

For years Oregonians for Immigration Reform wasnrsquot taken

seriously in Salem or seen as a political threat Its leadersrsquo ten-

dency to broadbrush Latinos leaves many people uncomfort-

able When asked about immigration for example Ludwick

steers the conversation to ldquoillegalsrdquo stealing Social Security

numbers Mexicans run ning drugs a nd undocumented resi-

dents committing other crimes

The Southern Poverty Law Center a Montgomery Ala-

bamandashbased watchdog on issues of discrimination maintains a

nationwide list of ldquonativist extremistrdquo groups it says go beyondadvocating on immigration policy to targeting immigrants

themselves Oregonians for Immigration Reform is one of nine-

teen groups on the organizationrsquos nationwide list

Ludwick says this characterization of his group is unfair ldquoIf

I even question our immigration policies then Irsquom a racistrdquo he

says ldquoThatrsquos not it at all I want the United States to be a great

country that welcomes people from all over as we always have

But itrsquos foolish to think it will be i f we continue with our immi-

gration policiesrdquo

The grouprsquos status as an outsidermdashand its leaderrsquos view of its

place in Oregon politicsmdashchanged in 2014

Oregon once had relatively lax laws when it came to granting

driversrsquo licenses Starting in 2008 the state legislature required

proof of citizenship or legal residency such as a Social Security

number or other papers Latino groups (long courted by the

Democrats who run Salem) spent the next five years pushing

to overturn the law They succeeded in 2013 when lawmakers

established a ldquodriverrsquos cardrdquo for residents who could not prove

they were in the country legally

Oregonians for Immigration Reform fought the new law by

gathering the 58000 signatures needed to put the question on

the November 2014 ballot A ldquoyesrdquo vote would uphold the leg-

islaturersquos actions Backers including some farm groups saidthe measure was practical and compassionate But the mea-

sure became a proxy for frustration about the nationrsquos broken

The definition of what

it means to be anOregonian has shiftedas the state has seenimmigrants from AsiaEastern Europe and Africa The biggest shifthas been in the statersquos

Latino population which has grown fivetimes faster than thestate as a whole

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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15 FallWinter 2015 Move

immigration system and Oregon voters crushed the measure

two to one

The victory Ludwick says shows Oregonians agree with his

grouprsquos views that immigration is out of control and that the gov-

ernment should not be rewarding people who are here illegally

He says much of the country is with his groupmdashand the suc-

cess of Republican presidential candidate Donald Trumprsquos

rhetoric about immigrants is proof When he announced his

candidacy in June 2015 Trump said Mexico was dumping drug

dealers and rapists into the United States ldquoAnd some I assumerdquo

Trump added ldquoare good peoplerdquo

ldquoWhen he did thatrdquo Ludwick says ldquohe shot right up in the

polls He chose to talk about immigration because hersquos a guy who

likes leverage He knows thatrsquos a subject that appeals to regular

Americansrdquo

O R E GO N S A W ITS L A TINO P O P U L A TIO N GR O W A FTE R World War II when the United States opened its borders to bra-

ceros guest workers from Mexico who labored in the fields The

program ended in the mid-1960s but the statersquos farmers were

by then dependent on migrant workers United Farm Workers

(UFW ) leader Cesar Chavez often brought his protests to Ore-

gon denouncing the low wages unsafe conditions and abysmal

housing for many of the statersquos estimated 40000 migrant work-

ers half of whom took seasonal jobs in the Willamette Valley

The UFWrsquos actions sparked backlash against Latinos in

many places but Oregon turned away from a cultural battle In

1971 the Republican-controlled legislature passed a bill to stop

farmworkers from organizing They put intense pressure onthen-Governor Tom McCallmdasha fellow Republican who grew up

in a ranching familymdashto sign it McCall nearly did but protests

and vigils against the bill moved him (as did Chavezrsquos threats of

boycotts) and it troubled him that the state was about to deny

rights and protections for people who came here to work ldquoHellrdquo

McCall said when the bill-signing deadline approached ldquoIrsquom

going to veto that son of a bitchrdquo And he did Over the years

many migrants stopped moving around and settled in the Wil-

lamette Valley and they beckoned others from their home coun-

tries to join them

Teresa Alonso Leonrsquos family was among those who heard the

call Her parents arrived in Oregon without documentation Her

father left their home in Michoacaacuten in early 1980 and moved

to Clackamas where relatives had told him he could find bet-

ter-paying work than he had in Mexico In Oregon her parents

worked at least two jobs at a ti me often seven days a week For

four years her family lived in a ramshackle house in Gervais

without plumbing They used a n outhouse and hauled in buck-

ets of water filled from a garden hose to cook and clean In the

winter the water stored in the buckets indoors froze

Her parents wanted their children to avoid the life they had

as laborers and for Alonso Leon school was transformative She

quickly saw the need to learn Englishmdashher teachers made herrepeat first grade because she struggled with the new language

But she soon caught up and became the familyrsquos translator

during doctorrsquos visits or meetings at her school

ldquoI had to become the spokesperson for the familyrdquo she says

In 1986 Congress passed an immigration amnesty bill that

offered legal residency to 29 million people Not yet a teenager

Alonso Leon represented her parents as they met the require-

ments to earn legal status gathering work histories from past

employers studying US history and demonstrating basic Eng-

lish skills (Her parents earned legal residency that covered

Alonso Leon She became a US citizen in 2013)

Her family eventually moved to Woodburn where she

attended high school before earning her GED through a pro-

gram at the University of Oregon She went on to graduate from

Wester n Ore gon Uni versity and Portland Stat e University

where she earned a masterrsquos degree in public administration

Alonso Leon has spent most of her career looki ng for ways to

make school more avai lable to low-income students or those who

are the first in their families to attend college At Portland Com-munity College she helped develop a program to guide migrant

students in adjusting to their first year in college Today she

runs the state of Oregonrsquos GED program in the Department of

Community Colleges and Workforce Development which each

year helps 1700 students gain their high-school equivalency

Families like hers have worked here for decades paying ta xes

and working to offer their children better lives And Alonso

Leon worries that Oregon will declare its government recog-

nizes only English

ldquoIt sends the message that as a state wersquore denying that peo-

ple should be able to live here and speak their native languagerdquo

Alonso Leon says ldquo It also sends the message t hat i mmigrantsarrive and reject the language thatrsquos spoken here Thatrsquos not the

case People try to learn English because they wa nt to succeedrdquo

Alonso Leonrsquos parents still struggle with English even a fter

three decades in Oregon Mastering the language she says often

requires education and trainingmdashsomething that her parents

and many other immigra nts have lacked

ldquoMy parents worked two or three jobs at a time at low wages

all these yearsrdquo she says ldquoYou can say to my parents lsquoWhy have

you not done a better job of learning Englishrsquo The answer is

they spent all their time making sure their children were fed

and clothedrdquo

THE MEASUR E SUPPORTED BY OREGONIANS FOR IMMI-

gration Reform would if passed by voters require state and

local governments to conduct business in English Oregon

law already requires that in many cases even though Oregon

is one of nineteen states without a blanket official-language

declaration

But the Oregon measure could go beyond what other states

impose its language suggests that (with some exceptions) it

could become illegal for government agencies to provide com-

munications with the public in languages besides Englishmdash

despite the fact that 15 percent of Oregonians speak a languageother than English at home Portland Public Schools for exam-

ple prints materials for parents in several languagesmdasha practice

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities16

Ludwick says is a waste of money

Ludwick recalls an illustration he saw in a social studies text-

book he had in high school ldquoIt was of this giant cooking potrdquo

he says ldquoPeople from all over the world are jumping inmdashpeople

with sombreros and so on And in the picture Uncle Sam is stir-

ring itmdashstirring the pot the melting pot And the people who had

jumped in earlier are now climbing out dressed like Americans

They had coats and ties onrdquo

ldquoThe point isrdquo he says ldquoit was about assimilation It used to

be you come to America to become an American Not a Hispanic

American New immigrants today donrsquot want to be assimilated

They want to divide themselves off from us while imposing their

cultural beliefs on usrdquo

The threat Ludwick sees is about more than language Itrsquos

about influence and powermdashless about reforming immigration

laws than it is about forcing a cultural norm on Oregonrsquos immi-

grants His grouprsquos attention to Latinos in particular is basedin sheer numbersmdash40 percent of immigrants in Oregon were

born in Mexicomdashbut also on the success of organi zations such

as Causa Oregon to push a political agenda These groups have

had some victories including a 2013 law allowing college tuition

grants for undocumented students who attended Oregon high

schools But the doors of power have not been knocked open

The state has seen only one Latino elected official statewide

(former state schools superintendent Susan Castillo) and only

a handf ul of legislators

What Oregonians for Immigration Reform plays on is fearmdash

the fear of a non-Latino majority losing influence and facing

discrimination for not speaking Spanish In its troubled his-tory Oregon has turned on the ldquootherrdquo foreigners blacks any

faceless group accused of stealing something from the rest of us

including jobs culture andmdashnowmdashlanguage

The last thing Oregon needs is another dark chapter of rac-

ism disguised as nationalistic duty What the state could use

instead is a moment of illumination and courage

Itrsquos happened before in another context A half century ago

Oregon set out to protect its farms and forests by carefully plan-

ning for the rapid population growth that was coming Its lead-

ers (primari ly Governor Tom McCall) engaged in a long often

rending discussion about the need for land-use laws Invective

followedmdashfoes called Oregon a communist state and voters in

many parts of the state would still erase land-use laws from the

books in a hea rtbeat given the chance But it took someone with

guts to cha llenge hardened beliefs and prepare Oregon for the

future

Itrsquos time for another conversation this one about the chang-

ing face of the state Oregonrsquos long history with a whites-only

club running things is ending Imagine seeing a leader in Oregon

brave enough to embrace that futuremdashespecially now that the

nationrsquos political debate is oozing anti-immigrant poison

A future Oregon leader who gets up the nerve to t alk about

the value of a more diverse Oregonmdashand the need to account

for itmdashneed look no further than Woodburn a city that thirty

years ago no one would predict would be a model for cultural

tolerance The town struggled with change as Latino and Rus-

sian immigrants came to the area Today Woodburn proudly

talks of its ldquoLittle Mexicordquo business district The school district

has seen enormous success in graduating students from high

school in large part because of its bilingual approach in theclassroom The city routinely sends out information about the

library parks and water bills in English and Spanish And the

cityrsquos website has a button that allows visitors to translate its

pages into thirty-six lang uages

Alonso Leon says that despite Woodburnrsquos progress the city

has a lot of ground to gain when it comes to making itself open

to everyone She says the city council rarely sees members of the

Latino community appear before it and that the only Spanish

speakers who attend meetings on a regular basis are usually her

parents who like to watch her in action She says the city has

formed a committee to find ways Woodburn can knock down

cultural and language barriers that keep non-English speakersfrom believing they have a role in civic debates

ldquoWe need to do more to make ourselves inviting and avail-

ablerdquo she says ldquoTelling people only English is acceptable in

government runs against the idea that everyone has the right

to be heardrdquo

Alonso Leon won an appointment to city council in 2013 and

must run for her seat this year if she wa nts to keep it Shersquos never

sought public office before and she could appear on the same

election ballot as Trump and the Oregonians for Immigration

Reform measuremdashan irony that isnrsquot lost on her

Alonso Leon expects a campaign wil l test her Shersquod be the

third Latino elected to the council (shersquos the only one serving

there now) and she says she has never been afraid to tell her story

ldquoIf people are asking questions and scrutinizing who I am

that means theyrsquore considering me or someone like merdquo she

says ldquoAnd that in itself is progressrdquo

Brent Walth has been an Oregon journalist since 1984 Hersquos

the former managing editor at Willamette Week and senior

investigative reporter for the Oregonian and author of Fire at

Edenrsquos Gate a biography of Oregon Governor Tom McCall

Hersquos now an assistant professor in the University of Oregon

School of Journalism and Communication

The threat Ludwicksees is about more thanlanguage Itrsquos about

influence and power

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17 FallWinter 2015 Move

Communityin Flux

A long-persecuted people begins to speak out

I N P O R T L A N D T H E C H R I S T M A S O F 1 9 4 4 W A S B I T -

terly cold and blanketed in white It snowed for days and

stayed close to freezing as the New Year approached But Port-

landers were distracted from the unusually cruel weather by

news that Portland Mayor Earl Riley was forcing dozens of

Roma out of the citymdashand by God it was about time the news-papers crowed Although many members of the local Kalderash

community of Roma had been working in the Kaiser shipyard

factories for the US war effort elected officials law enforce-

ment and the media fell over themselves to justify r unning the

Roma out of town

The Oregon Journal reported that encouraged by police the

Romamdashdescribed as ldquothe gaily dressed wanderersrdquomdashasked for

assistance to return to Texas and New Mexico because Portland

was ldquotoo coldrdquo for them Mayor R iley p ersuaded the US Of fice

of Price Administration (OPA) the federal bureau in charge of

rationing to issue special gas rations to the Roma so they could

make the drive south

The Oregonian considered this a ldquonotable featrdquo by the mayor

not only because the OPArsquos rationing of items like gas rubber

sugar and butter was so strict but also because Riley was ldquogetting

rid of at least half the gy psies [who] have been afflicting the cityrdquo

ldquoWe are right proud of our mayorrdquo the paper wrote

This was the same Mayor Riley who is purported to be one of

the most corrupt mayors in Portlandrsquos history Though his office

accused the Roma of using fortune-telling as a front for prostitu-

tion Riley allegedly kept a special safe in City Hall just for the

bribes he collected from these same types of criminal opera-

tions He was neither indicted nor punished despite criticism bythe City Club of Portland instead he amassed a fortune in ille-

gal enterprises over his lifetime Meanwhile the Roma families

LISA LOVING

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Oregon Humanities18

A detective and two policemen

escort two arrested Romani women

from the paddy wagon into the

Police Headquarters building at SW

2nd amp Oak in 1951

in Portland barely got by sometimes using abandoned storefronts as homes

Carol Silvermanmdasha professor of cultural anthropology and folklore at the

University of Oregon who has studied worked with and advocated for Roma

locally and around the world for almost forty yearsmdashsays the group of Roma in

Portland who came to work in the shipyards during the war were turned upon

when the war was over ldquoJust like Rosie the Riveter when women no longer were

needed for welding and [were told they] should go back to the homerdquo Silverman

says ldquoit was perceived that this group of Roma was no longer needed in the cityPerceived as foreign outsiders dangerous [they were] given these gas rations to

drive out of staterdquo

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19 FallWinter 2015 Move

COURTESY THOMAS ROBINSON

Roma in America today are a community in flux Families

still identify their lineages through distinct ethnic communi-

ties sometimes called tribes including the Sinti Romanichal

and Kalderash and these communities tend to blend in with

the mainstream In the Northwest a look through local busi-

ness listings will not reveal any obvious groups or organiza-

tions serving them except a handful of very tight-knit Christian

churches Most Kalderash would prefer to live under the radar

says Silverman for a compelling historical reason almost

everywhere theyrsquove gone Roma people have been oppressed by

both government and society

Originally from India Roma communities are traditionally

nomadic From the fourteenth century until the Romanian

emancipation of 1864 Roma were enslaved and traded by the

local nobility in a large area of southern Romania including

Walachia and Moldovia with the support of church institutions

Roma moved to the Northwest in the largest numbers after1864 with Kalderash families settling in the area between 1880

and 1920 Silverman says ldquoFrom the first time they came to

America there were rules regulating where Roma could live and

where they could settle and even the kind of work they could do

Many cities had anti-fortune-telling edicts fortune-telling poli-

cies on the books Some cities actually still have themrdquo

Accused of being naturally inferior and prone to crime Roma

people in the Northwest have been targeted and harassed by

local law enforcement and negatively depicted in the media In

1906 the Oregonian wrote ldquoThe police allege that the gypsies

have such a penchant for stealing everything that is not nai led

down that it is necessary always to lsquokeep an eye on themrsquordquo Andthe Ashland Daily Tidings in 1916 wrote ldquoTrue to their inborn

instincts the horde of gypsies which passed through Ashland

last Sunday failed to get out of t he country without committing

a serious depredationrdquo

No scholar has studied discrimination against the Roma as

fully as Ian Hancock a University of Texas at Austin professor of

linguistics English and Asian studies who laid out his findings

in a 2007 research paper He writes that despite five special US

Congressional sessions addressing the increase in anti-Romani

hate crimes in Europe and the correlative increase in Romani

asylum seekers to the United States ldquoThere nevertheless remain

laws on the books in various states and counties that continue

to operate against Gypsies Many of these laws a list of which

fills thirty-four pages were inherited from Europe and were

intended to be used against the earlier Gypsy populations in the

United States they have since found new application against

the more recently arrived and more v isible Eastern European

Roma escaping the post-Communist increase in racial violence

in that region many of whom are seeking political asylum hererdquo

But despite the hostility they have traditionally faced

Romani people have also historically been linchpins of their

local economies Silverman says Roma in Europe worked in

metalcraft which t hey applied in the United States to recopperand re-tin household items at the turn of the century ldquoUntil the

1950s before stainless steel in order to have a working kitchen

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Oregon Humanities20

Most Americanshave no idea

that their owngovernment waspersecuting Romapeople at thesame time Romain Europe werebeing murdered inthe Holocaust

you had to have your pots and pans redonerdquo Silverman says ldquoThis was a real

Romani skillrdquo

This skill in metalwork was perfect for the emerging car industry in 1920s

and rsquo30s America ldquoRoma did this kind of service for many many Northwest

Americans and then eventua lly they got i nto t he car sales businessrdquo Silver-

man says The Romarsquos family-based car repair operations competed directly

with corporate auto repair shops offering an alternative to high-dollar services

with the personal attention of a family business So by World War II not only

was Mayor Riley rsquos expulsion of Roma families cruel but it also likely damaged

the local economy

Most Americans have no idea that their own government was persecut-

ing Roma people at the same time Roma in Europe were being murdered in

the Holocaust The Nazis killed an estimated 220000 to 500000 Roma men

women and childrenmdashperhaps 25 percent of the European Roma populationmdash

between 1935 and 1945 Morgan Ahern a SintiRomanichal Roma and founder

of Seattle-based organization Lolo Diklo Romani Against Racism believes

the number of Roma killed may be as high as 15 million ldquoMany [were killed] inconcentration campsrdquo she says ldquobut many more [were] just shot on the roadrdquo

Silverman agrees that the effect of the Holocaustmdashknown to some Roma as

the Porraimos or ldquothe devouringrdquomdashon the Roma has been ldquoa footnote in most

textbooksrdquo and is only starti ng to be examined in Holocaust museums because

of lobbying by Roma and their allies

Also overlooked in the history of Roma in the United States generations of

Roma children taken from their parents and warehoused in foster care systems

because of lifestyle differences and some families say racism Ahern was one

of those children removed from her family and put into foster care after her

parents were deemed unfit to ta ke care of her because they were Romani and

nomadic

Even today many Romani individuals and families lack birth certificatesand marriage certificates making them vulnerable to government officialsrsquo

whims Silverma n says ldquoThings like being fingerprinted havi ng a birth certifi-

cate might mean that your children are going to be taken away These historic

memories are very very very much alive for Romardquo

After generations of abuse a modest tide of Roma are beginning to speak out

about their civil rights and demand fair t reatment including fair accommoda-

tions in trying to obtain legal documentation for family members who were

born in the United States Silverman who is on the board of the nonprofit Voice

of Roma says she was involved in a c ase in Portland in which it was argued that

oral testimony in a birth is equivalent to a birth certificate ldquoWhen people bear

witness to a marriagerdquo Silverman says ldquoit doesnrsquot matter if therersquos no marriage

certificate It could be issued based on hindsight on memoryrdquo

For a community that has for generations avoided keeping their money in

bank accounts and sending their children to public schools social isolation is

giving way to an emerging movement for empowerment

On the East Coast Kalderash filmmaker George Eli produces films about

his family and is currently building a media channel on Roma And at the

University of Texas Hancock who is Romanichal Roma has spent decades

building the Program of Romani Studies and the Romani Arch ives and Docu-

mentation Center

Ahern founded Lolo Diklo which means ldquored scarfrdquo in 1986 along w ith a

fellow teacher at Seattle Central College The grouprsquos purpose is to document

discrimination and persecution of Romani Ahernrsquos fatherrsquos Romanichal fam-ily have lived in the United States since the 1700s and were originally sent from

Ireland by the British government as slaves Her motherrsquos family were Sinti who

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21 FallWinter 2015 Move

No documentsor oral histories

exist showingwhat happened tothe Roma familiesforced out ofPortland in 1944

arrived in the United States in the late 1930s

fleeing the climate in Germany Her maternal

grandmother pretended to be Italian to get into

the country

Over the years Ahern has traveled through-

out the West Coast lecturing about Roma cul-ture and civil rights She works with Romani

organizations across the United States South

America Canada Europe and Spain

Silverman adds that over the past twenty

years many American Roma have become

born-again Christians establishing their own

churches or joining evangelical congregations

Some of these church leaders are emerging as

community spokespeoplemdashsomething very

new for a community that has been persecuted

for so long ldquoThere are Roma who donrsquot want

to be left alone anymore because they are at a

disadvantage when they are left alonerdquo Silver-

man says ldquoThey are being very brave to actu-

ally interact with t he US court systemrdquo

But despite these efforts even today the dis-

crimination that Roma face by revealing their

heritage remains very real ldquoIn their historical

memory interacting with American institu-

tions has often resulted in a form of marginal-

izationrdquo Silverman says

For example Silverman describes ethnic

profiling by police bureaus through what wereknown as ldquobunco squadsrdquo police bureaus in

the South that had ldquoGypsy unitsrdquo to focus on

ldquoGypsy crimerdquo She says ldquoThis is ethnic profiling of crime

assuming that all Roma commit a certain kind of crime and

certain ki nds of crimes are only committed by Romardquo

The racial profiling of Roma people doesnrsquot stop with law

enforcement it is a staple of local news The language used

in Pacific Northwest news coverage in the past ten years to

describe alleged offenders has hardly changed from what was

writ ten in newspapers in the early 1900s

In 2007 a ldquoNight Cabbierdquo column in Willamette Week

sparked outrage ldquoThe Gypsies apparently are no jokerdquo the

unidentified cab driverwriter penned about the apparent rav-

ings of a customer ldquoDespite what we may think she explains to

us that real Gypsies arenrsquot nomadic livestock thieves but in fact

have been living in her neighborhood for decades And theyrsquore

very bad neighborsrdquo

ldquoThis is racist nonsenserdquo a reader responded ldquoInexcusable

for a serious newspaper to print such offensive content about areal livi ng breathing person in the neighborhood on account of

one of his neighbors For all we know this bigoted fool is the bad

neighborrdquo

No documents or oral histories exist showing what happened

to the Roma families forced out of Portland in 1944 Did they

stay in Texas Did they return to the Northwest Did they find

safety Or were they forced on toward some other location And

most important how in the Information Age is it possible that

the Roma experience has been all but forgotten by the main-

stream of society

Silverman holds out hope that organizations such as Voice of

Roma and Lolo Diklo can help Roma keep from getting caught inunfriendly bureaucratic systems as well as provide an opening

for more outreach and understanding The Portland Romani

Festival a one-day celebration featuring food music and infor-

mation on human rights issues affecting Roma people is ten-

tatively scheduled for late spring 2016 The Festival Romani

Facebook page is a fountain of music and cu ltural events par-

ticularly music performances up and down the West Coast

ldquoI think people should become knowledgeable about Romani

history and discrimination in order to combat itrdquo Silverman

says ldquoIt seems to me that while wersquore talking about ethnic a nd

racial diversity we can no longer eliminate a large group that

has suffered prejudice for so many years and continues to suffer

prejudicerdquo

Thanks to Fair Housing Council of Oregon for sharing this

story with Oregon Humanities through its history bus tour

Lisa Loving has reported on civil rights and diversity in

Oregon for more than fifteen years She is a news and

public affairs producer at KBOO Community Radio 907

FM in Portland and the former news editor of the award-

winning African American community newspaper the

Skanner Her new book How to Be a Citizen Journalist will

be released in 2017 by Microcosm Publishing

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Oregon Humanities22

Like all places Oregon has a brand an identity that distinguishes

it from other places This identity is a pastiche of characteris-

ticsmdashenvironmental and agricultural urban and rural intrepid and

entrepreneurialmdashthat become a kind of shorthand that rightly or

wrongly insiders and outsiders read to understand what this state

and its people collectively value But how much do we the resi-

dents of this place really know about the systems behind these

things that seem to represent our identity

On the pages that follow we look more closely at just four ofthese cultural identifiers and how they move through their individ-

ual systems coho salmon up the Columbia River past historical

sites trash recyclables reusables and compost from Portland to

other parts of the state and the world bicycles buses and cars

up a busy corridor through a rapidly changing neighborhood and

ideas measures and laws through what is sometimes called the

Oregon System

Thanks to sources at the Confluence Project Death with Dignity Friends of the Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge Heiberg Garbage and

Recycling Metro MIG Northwest Power and Conservation Council Ofce of the Secretary of State Oregon History Project Oregon Legis -

lature Portland Bureau of Transportation TriMet and US Forest Servicersquos Pacific Northwest Research Station for their help with this story

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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23 FallWinter 2015 Move

Salmon up the Columbia RiverAFTER SPENDING sixteen to twenty months at sea a coho

salmon begins her journey up the Columbia and Sandy Rivers

back to her natal spawning grounds This amazing biological phe-

nomenon is also rich with cultural significance and the landmarks

she passes upstream mark the politics and history of her species

1 Salmon were central to the Chinook that once inhabited villages

along the lower Columbia and seining was the most important

method used to catch the fish As runs declined in the early twen-

tieth century white fishermen drove the Chinook off Sand Island

and Peacock Spit two of the most productive seining areas in

the estuary Seining was prohibited by Washington in 1934 and

Oregon in 1948

2 On March 16 1806 Meriwether Lewis drew and described a fish

brought to him at Fort Clatsop ldquoThe white Salmon Trout has

now made itrsquos appearance in the creeks near this place one of

them was brought us today by an Indian who had just taken it with

his gig this is a likness of itrdquo The fish was later classified as coho

salmon Oncorhynchus kisutch

3 In 1866 the brothers George W and William Hume and Andrew

S Hapgood established a salmon cannery at Eagle Cliff

Washington packing 4000 cases their first year In 1895 up to

50 Columbia canneries produced 635000 cases of salmon But

by 1977 the pack was just 2547 cases The last major cannery

on the Columbia closed in 1980

4 On November 5 1805 Lewis and Clark recorded a visit to the

ldquoQuathapotle Nationrdquo one of the largest Chinookan villages the

expedition encountered Today Cathlapotle is an archeological site

and the home of a modern plankhouse which serves as an outdoor

classroom and is used by the Chinook Indian Nation

5 In 2008 Maya Linrsquos sculpture Bird Blind was dedicated The blind

lists 134 plants documented by Lewis and Clark along with one

word on their status today thriving threatened endangered or

extinct Coho are listed as threatened today

6 In 2007 the Marmot Dam part of Portland General Electric hydro-

electric project in the Sandy River basin was removed due to

pressure from conservation groups and rising management costs

Built in 1913 by Portland Railway Light and Power Company the

dam provided hydroelectric power to Portland Today salmon navi-gate a free-flowing river mdashTRM

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities24

1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every

other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-

cling one of a number of independent haulers

in the Metro region grind their gears uphill

traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food

scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-

board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue

recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in

the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green

roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-

egory recycling compost and yard waste and

garbage

2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly

either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-

gon Recycling System past the airport in East

Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery

facilities (there are a handful in the region)

which then sell the materials based on demand

in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others

in foreign countries such as China

3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable

waste the other trucks head to Metro Central

Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro

South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-

tions in the region Last year almost a half a

million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos

two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins

other company haulers contractors with con-

struction waste and residential customers with

miscellaneous items not picked up through

home collection service At the transfer station

the sorting process begins

4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature

Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-

ogy Organics outside of North Plains about

twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about

twelve miles north of Corvallis

5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household

items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material

in roads

6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader

then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time

is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer

stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a

three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty

no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush

plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo

According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the

garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material

The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is

often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per

minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to

an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the

plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity

powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM

Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland

Waste fromSouthwestPortland

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25 FallWinter 2015 Move

1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in

winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period

in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a

twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source

TriMet)

HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make

every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-

tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed

Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-

age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo

In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin

Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the

new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue

represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even

signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from

the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles

per hour depending on the time of day

The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars

buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic

signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and

emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one

hundred intersections throughout Portland

Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North

Williams today reflects a different wave of development and

demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share

the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to

bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes

to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density

residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG

Traffic on North Williams Avenue

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities26

Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect

changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-

erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed

law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or

rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already

passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a

referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather

than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-

ers approved this system in 1902

This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an

initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on

a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided

driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal

documentation of US citizenship status

1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three

ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)

Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text

of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall

issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to

provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)

2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-

tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)

3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of

Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative

petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State

Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal

Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)

4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is

certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults

to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88

58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold

of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to

qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-

ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without

requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to

Dec 2013)

5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88

Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor

Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)

6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51

to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails

666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-

croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered

by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed

lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move

(2003)

7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block

saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-

zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the

case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor

General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the

practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The

US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide

law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG

Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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27 FallWinter 2015 Move

SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137

983158983151983145983139983141

N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -

room closet I came across a box of old family photographs

I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color

photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-

ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five

standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie

primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos

hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-

tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against

the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But

the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a

frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat

in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple

of the Sun

A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -

graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one

end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both

L A I L A L A L A M I

Al-Mursquoallaqat

The GoldenOdes of Love

J E N W I C K S T U D I O

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Oregon Humanities28

of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels

science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-

raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to

love books so much perhaps books provided them an education

about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing

from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches

that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-

ing the reign of King Hassan

It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned

to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed

copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from

friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about

whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-

drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new

offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte

which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne

Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others

Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les

petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why

the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion

Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which

the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to

either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan

tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three

Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords

and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo

Of course none of the characters in these books looked or

spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly

all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan

bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their

homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my

own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they

had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary

world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an

alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define

normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like

my country my imagination had been colonized

I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly

the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-

acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the

fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled

my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high

school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes

where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-

yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as

well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father

said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it

was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted

D RISS C H RAI BI

LA

CI VI LISA TIO N

MA M E R E

PAR

ALEXANDRE DUMAS

Taha Hussein

THE

DA YS

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29 FallWinter 2015 Move

When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same

school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum

el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine

At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were

taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled

with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still

the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-

language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from

the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi

al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the

Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese

Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-

moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some

of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved

each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a

classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-

els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan

authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-

tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren

It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read

adult literature on my own and independently from school that

I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-

ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos

La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a

sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin

Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book

that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment

of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read

lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was

as fertile ground for fiction as any other

And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature

nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in

French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after

all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-

latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss

Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was

ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a

particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made

it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I

was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train

in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco

medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-

ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my

hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat

or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-

matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely

be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study

linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in

a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in

an analytica l way

Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in

Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship

to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait

I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and

racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School

of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work

of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went

back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how

often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes

Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in

our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in

formal soireacutees French was de rigueur

Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-

guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles

and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in

English which made me think even more about the relationship

between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a

prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power

an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people

The education I had received had emphasized the importance

of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our

media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the

shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed

in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored

by the French government for free access to books The role of

Every time I went back

to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much

and how often we moved

between French and

Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not

went through life

switching between codes

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Oregon Humanities30

French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a

cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no

longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case

of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should

not be writing at all

I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish

after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried

to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of

me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that

stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have

immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the

native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow

me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred

to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic

languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought

Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my

days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use

English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the

linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh

perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a

child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-

gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the

same story

I have always written because I have always had the urge to

tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided

that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-

thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my

race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-

larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while

the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and

waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had

enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos

phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-

rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat

seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of

others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the

works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s

such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in

the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and

sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing

graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had

always told stories but now I wanted to be heard

This essay was first published in World Literature Today

Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami

Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The

Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The

Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy

Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for

Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016

Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16

and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for

more information and to buy tickets

Writing in French came

at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial

baggage that I no longer

wanted to carry I started

to suffer from a peculiar

case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic

perhaps I should not be

writing at all

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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31 FallWinter 2015 Move

A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good

LORETTA STINSON

I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M

every day after work waiting for Bruce to

get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching

myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me

sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on

from a distance at whatever is happening to

me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie

and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-

kick of the star or I play a supporting role but

I am definitely not the star of this movie The

moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom

just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been

able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed

freak for fifteen years

Sun through the small rectangular win-

dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats

wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in

1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from

the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom

watchi ng my past present a nd future selves

do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental

after another waiting for the next bad thing

to happen and not getting out of the way even

when I see it coming The habit of living in con-

stant fear and the resignation that nothing can

ever change are the glue that holds me in place

This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting

on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on

Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on

hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the

future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who

can only be counted on not to be counted on

In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses

and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about

J U L I A N N A B R I O N

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Oregon Humanities32

detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot

change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-

ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what

the old-timers were saying Needless to say

I didnrsquot

Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go

home and try some new strategy to make Bruce

quit using I once read a book about how sugar

was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding

him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein

diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck

them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat

and beer is a very filling meal in itself When

he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put

in front of him but speed and alcohol are his

drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-

ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never

remembers what he does to me and since he

doesnrsquot remember I have to forget

It be what it be Bruce says about all things

unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color

electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it

be Today I see things clearly for the first time

Today I see myself on this couch waiting for

someone else to do the changing Today I see

that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be

my life until the day he kills me or he dies or

I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been

disappointed too many times Addiction his to

drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove

been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot

see my part until now

My only friend has been telling me for

months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I

have left many times for a day or a week but

Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop

drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs

to me for the first time that this is absurd and a

huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe

itrsquos me who needs to change and not because

that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction

is his business

Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll

be wasted because it was payday and most of

his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-

ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood

alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or

hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how

those will interact with his mood the kind of

day he had and if hersquos eaten

None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for

such a long time that I could Like every person

who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that

if I did all the right things I would figure out a

way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on

his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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33 FallWinter 2015 Move

I worked like some kind of crazy statistician

making up story problems to predict what he

might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job

and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without

eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito

at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos

left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going

to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-

ing home mistakes his second wife for his first

wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out

Please show your work

I have never been able to figure out the rec-

ipe for equilibrium His or mine

Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce

comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not

wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face

slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat

the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says

Itrsquos not really a question but I answer

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him

clearly for the first time I see his addiction in

action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have

nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest

thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can

do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look

at him for too long when hersquos been drinking

kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash

you just back away slowly and try not to piss

him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows

too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how

little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs

to believe because he has to be mad at some-

one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom

just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by

the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about

nothing that it was never my face that pissed

him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He

needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave

to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do

no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a

revelation

He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you

looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on

the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-

spread that covers its stained sagging cush-

ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier

mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore

afraid when hersquos like this and they should be

Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that

hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what

if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities34

dead or at least not living just existing on the

edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story

Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom

suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am

afraid of being killed

I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to

make a home The china teacups that I str ung

together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks

in the window like a mobile The plants my

booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the

sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the

bed my dad and I refinished before I left home

The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday

The fifteen years of history we have together

one year short of half my life tonight not all of

it bad He is no monster just a man struggling

wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to

face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo

He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo

He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo

Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He

screams them at me knowing how in the past

these are the very words that made me cling to

him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go

Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but

this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest

the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about

his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does

Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom

seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man

Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried

to help for his own good right This man Irsquove

tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody

made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when

I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself

Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the

usual responseI know three things tonight Number one

If I stay this will be my life until I die Number

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7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities36

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37 FallWinter 2015 Move

M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN

he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline

somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and

believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he

turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean

for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees

in rows

My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home

at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York

City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for

rows of buildings

ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says

In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark

skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the

Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n

My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I

met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo

My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too

often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance

of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He

was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister

a year later

My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my

father a suit They seem happy in the picture

Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put

half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband

My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years

My grandmother died

All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a

life rocked with waves

P A I G E

V I C K E R S

JASON ARI AS

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities38

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have

let that slip through thecracksrdquo

My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes

My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why

Grandma was hiding

Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here

To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-

vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where

we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We

have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo

I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened

My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next

closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed

a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time

tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the

process

Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends

Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his

giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist

until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again

We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in

the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-

ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-

lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be

Ama zons)

The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door

I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour

feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean

ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said

We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not

about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same

ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As

kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon

I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower

water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the

high tide after being beached again and again

One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom

decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia

One of my new Olympian friends flicked a

match that started a fire inside my mattress I

tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking

Mom came home and we put the burning

bed outside

This isnrsquot a metaphor

I slept on the floor of my bedroom that

night missing the ocean of Grayland while my

mom and sister shared their bed in the room

next to mine The next morning my mattress

was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-

ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a

popular song on the radio at the time One of us

would start singing the lyrics

How can we dance when our earth is turning

and then wersquod all join in

How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh

But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame

Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-

land That no matter how many times we

were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty

porous flotation device on which to try to

reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe

even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the

way we did as something gia nt and limit less

something to be feared and conquered some-

thing to be moved by

In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a

flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called

my name and the light receded back down the

hall disappearing into the living room and

slipping out the front door

We discovered that the flickering light had

left wax shapes on the carpet of our living

room that could have been bad pentagrams or

the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It

left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot

take any money It left us wondering if some

past boyfriend had found us somehow

Whi le we were out the next day somebody

hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment

door Mom winced at the divots denting the

wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing

mechanism once was with her hand

We left the dishes in the sink

We left no forwarding address

We boarded a bus

Two days later we were on the doorstep of

the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with

a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my

backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase

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39 FallWinter 2015 Move

in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever

received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer

trophies in the other

At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude

who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-

thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been

there were two concave smooth-skinned div-

ots She was always smiling I liked watching

how Jude listened

Before long the four of us moved into an

apartment between Portland and Gresham It

was right on the MAX line and right on the city

line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-

landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign

that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block

to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch

my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but

Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the

perfect space for her She said it was easier for

her to know where everything was in a smaller

environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond

than an ocean

One day Jude brought her new boyfriend

home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo

ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said

Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor

and said ldquo White peoplerdquo

I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was

wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what

ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to

a blind person

Red is the rage in your gut

White is the entrapment of the disabled

One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend

and her room became a closet again

We saw her a little and then not at all

Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to

Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally

almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of

my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday

cards and pictures that were inside it

Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-

day cards away

My wife and I began archiving our new fam-

ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with

the rest of them Our sons grew I became an

uncle My grandfather remarried and went

crazy My mother still has the same smile she

had when I was young

Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a

bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple

of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary

There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help

you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear

Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie

each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out

If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads

directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end

points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably

guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock

between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled

and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long

by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of

human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of

the Mayan calendar

In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and

I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of

the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam

When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-

land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else

ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says

one night while wersquore lying in bed

And I do

I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that

had to happen I listen to our breath

In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I

make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My

finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving

And then the line disappears

And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and

falling together

Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the

Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life

Poems and Stories of the Dead

If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between

Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities40

READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts

One hundred moves and not one of

them associated with the military

a job or being on the run

The Ledger

Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G

through a yard sale I picked up an old

ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-

ance Company of New York A large thin hard-

bound ledger black with a red spine eleven

inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by

insurance agents to track insurers and their

policies all entries written by hand There was

only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty

cents the rest of the pages were blank After

years of treasuring its antiquity but making

no entries of my own I tore the one used page

out and decided to start tracking al l my moves

before my memory lost track I sat down and

recorded all the moves I remembered over one

hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my

parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them

associated with the military a job or being on

the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-

derlust and exploration then relationships

and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad

landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just

being unable as a single parent to bear the rent

and high heating bills Once my oldest son and

I landed in a decent house that could hold us

indefinitely After three months I was drawn to

cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted

to gather them touch them fill their empti-

ness with our lives When I realized what was

going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in

that house for two years then moved to Hawai i

Now the kids are grown the grandkids are

teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos

no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-

foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a

semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided

me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she

said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo

As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot

out of my feet and sink into the ground I was

so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here

three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot

want to move

What have I lea rned th rough al l these

moves Adaptability being and living in the

now and that there is glory in both staying and

moving but it is much easier and cheaper to

stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland

Out of the Nest

I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E

back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze

tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last

time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex

where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs

Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot

stepped inside the apartment for eight months

To do so would risk my life

ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-

tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February

I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following

weekmdashfor six months

Left behind with Michael were our surro-

gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy

and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned

starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier

It was last October when I first developed

symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-

ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse

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41 FallWinter 2015 Move

This is where the plates layers of crust

crashed into each other in a fiery show

perhaps tens of thousands of years ago

Soon breathing was excruciating I took

shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain

Paralyzing fatigue set in

My endocrinologist suspected chronic

obstructive pulmonary disease which made

little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I

began scouring descriptions of lung conditions

Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity

pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung

Relief and terror flooded in

If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-

monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a

terminal condition in which scarring causes

respiratory failure within three to five years

Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif

caught early But the solution is drastic We

would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-

ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even

be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the

parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would

have a new ending

Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms

lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper

grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-

pice moments before plummeting

Today we are moving the last of our belong-

ings into our first house The kitties and birdies

have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed

While I cannot hold my babies I watch them

on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the

two-way speaker

From rescue feedings to teenage angst to

nighttime vigils during illness in caring for

these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging

from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety

Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey

take their first tentative steps toward flight

Today I learned the most painful lesson let-

ting go

MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene

Subduction Zones

T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK

were on an af ternoon in early Septem-

ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for

the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper

and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our

ankles

Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-

berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend

and is directly responsible for the creation of

Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back

then one that I sometimes imagined looked

like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus

Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of

the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale

their name suggests but the result of plates

shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-

tion led to the formation of the trio This is

where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into

each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-

sands of years ago Subduction zones are places

where great trauma lies

And here I was all these years later in the

shadows of these mountains loss everywhere

Later that day back at our apartment we

walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit

into anymore For more than a year we went

through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern

Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that

followed us Then one day our four-year-old

daughter started a conversation that shook me

ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo

I nodded

ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so

sadrdquo

Six words leapt at me

ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo

We moved back to Ash land where brig ht

red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-

hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot

know it then but we were charting our own

map however imperfect Healing crept up on

us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-

ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew

Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng

up the darkness Seventeen years passed

And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most

folks want to flee helps you see things more

clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in

its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along

VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland

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Oregon Humanities42POSTS

continued from previous page

Just to

underscore

how settled we

planned to be

we unpacked

EverythingEven the

heirloom china

which had never

before left its

boxes We were

here to stay

Dance Church

SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I

go to church Dance church A church

where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers

to recite A church where at first glance outsid-

ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon

arriving I see a few little munchkins running

around with oversize neon headphones on to

protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music

set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with

rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors

There are flowers candles pillow puddles

beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some

kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in

alignment with the morningrsquos intention

As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s

become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-

tainer in which I can move once again after

years of chronic freezing and dissociating A

trapped animal released back into the wild

wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom

in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism

evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with

anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our

spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist

The music awakens the holy spirit within

me and dances me through throngs of people

I am an antelope cut loose checking out the

creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns

bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms

Each stunning in their authentic movement I

see people falling in love with each other from

a distance I see a girl rocking four different

Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed

like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands

ldquopracticing dancingrdquo

This is the church of Miriam the biblical

tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of

years later I move here and I am reunited with

my self my best self my most curious mischie-

vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self

Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten

invited back in the room to whip her hair back

and forth I throw my head back in delight and

laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like

hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form

of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music

EMILY I BEDAL Portland

Again

M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R

upwardly mobile engineer That trans-

lated into at least one move per year until I was

eight and another address for high school I

moved every year in college one year twice I

moved three times during my first stint in Bos-

ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-

ment for the whole two years Then it was back

to Boston where I lived in five different homes

in five years

Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for

the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe

two years back East then back to New Mexico

in two different cities three different homes

Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates

what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo

From Albuquerque we moved to our present

home in Port Orford my thirt ieth

Moving has always been exciting cathar-

tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books

by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally

donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-

ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated

magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets

ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit

thatrsquos never happened In each new house

wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos

never worked

We vowed Port Orford would be our final

ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore

how settled we planned to be we unpacked

Everything Even the heirloom china which

had never before left its boxes We were here

to stay

Except it seems wersquore going to have to move

again but not for the exciting futures wersquod

always envisioned before Now we need doctors

and hospitals and a nearby airport for family

visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is

on the other side of adventure Now we need a

place to feel safe secure

So the sorting and throwing out is about to

begin yet again There are closets and drawers

that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to

dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of

booksmdashto give away This move exciting No

way The very thought of it exhausts me

Still those other feelings cathartic freeing

new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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43 FallWinter 2015 Move

Next theme Root

For the Spring 2016 issue tell

us your stories about rooting

around taking root being

uprooted or root-bound getting

to the root of a problem being

the root of the problem rooting

someone on Share stories and

ideas about beginnings origins

and foundations Analyze a

historical or contemporary

grassroots effort Describe

the tension between staying

put and being stuck Send your

submission (400 words maxi-

mum) by February 15 2016 to

postsoregonhumanitiesorg

Submissions may be edited for

space or clarity

Listen to Your Body

I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y

motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease

Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit

and spot-on timing Though she was confined

to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was

still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her

sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-

cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone

have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but

aching joints diminished strength and a fal-

tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back

Those maladies werenrsquot the result of

chronic disease More like lack of exercise At

some point in the past decade or so I developed

an aversion to any fitness routine That choice

has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo

class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community

Center

Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the

center for the past thirty-six years teaches

the dance-infused workout three days a week

Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at

the core of each class She dispenses praise as

we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform

deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements

and she encourages each of us to breathe and

listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably

youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying

ballet seriously By then her versatility as an

actress singer dancer and comedian had been

evident in community theater productions in

the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although

not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few

years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe

continues to lead a full life She can still stand

and press her palms flat to the floor despite

relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip

notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg

and stretch at the barre

A role model for agi ng wit h presence and

dignity Lynn maintains her considerable

charm and elegance and purposely keeps her

body and mind active Like my mother she

is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has

inspired me to accept what my body can do

today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow

Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for

getting up in the morning And by some mea-

sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE

Portland

Over the Hill

I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D

eleven times in three years I worked spring

through fall as a natural history guide in

Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure

where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned

into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply

moved around A lot With each new tempo-

rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked

clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was

nothing

At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the

person who would become my life partner

another seasonal worker We would move from

Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We

lived one magical off-season on a houseboat

on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the

ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught

me I loved wide-open spaces What could be

wider than the Pacific A fter one more season

of guiding I came back to the coast and decided

to stay

I volunteered my way into one steady job

and eventually landed another at the local

college After a few more seasons my partner

came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota

and we bought another together He built a

business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our

hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and

had a child Wersquod officially settled down

The economic hardships of rural living

however are real job opportunities decline

and can no longer support the life wersquove built

The accumulation of years no longer fits into

the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner

took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast

and we lived as a split family The split was tax-

ing though so we decided to make the move

to the city We left the first community of our

adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven

ourselves The only community our daughter

has even known Friends asked me not to go

Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart

still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the

sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes

at the memory of that moon over Tillamook

Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot

nothingmdashitrsquos every thing

NANCY SLAVIN Portland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities44

Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm

LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015

This intertwined story of two

teenage girls and their mothers

is set in New Orleans during

and after Hurricane Katrina

In her debut novel Urbani an

Oregon writer with Southern

roots brings a maternal touch

to the narrative handling trag-

edy with a careful soulfulness

and love This honest yet brutal

story will simultaneously break

and warm your heart

mdashAnnie Kaffen

At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015

Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French

Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the

Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural

French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-

tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans

and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a

snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland

Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015

Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the

Oregon physician and radicalrsquos

extraordinary experiences

from her early years working in

a textile mill in New Bedford

Massachusetts through her

activist years in Oregon includ-

ing a three-year term at San

Quentin State Prison Equi lived

openly as a lesbian beginning in

the 1890s and was one of the

first practicing female doctors

in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and

compassion for others with a

strong personal belief in social

and economic justice

mdashCarole Shel lhart

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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45 FallWinter 2015 Move

People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015

This debut collection from

Portland writer Margaret

Malone is filled with brief

bitterly funny stories about the

sort of people who tie them-

selves in knots in their heads

and feel uncomfortable in their

own skin and can never quite

bring themselves to say the

words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point

includes all of us

mdashBen Waterhouse

The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015

Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer

The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with

Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research

for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the

first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of

revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced

a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer

in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he

writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo

mdashMaggie Starr

To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for

Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon

Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205

Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe

Sasquatch Books 2015

Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter

Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt

to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography

in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers

a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden

rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance

sounds smells and much more

mdashBen Waterhouse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities46

Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson

February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum

1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg

CROPPINGS

Wendy Red Star Untitled

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities programs are

funded by the National Endowment

for the Humanities and the Oregon

Cultural Trust and by contributions from

individuals foundations community

organizations and corporations For

more information about Oregon

Humanities or to learn how you can help

more Oregonians get together share

ideas listen think and grow please

contact us at

921 SW Washington Street Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax

(503) 241-0024

ohmoregonhumanitiesorg

oregonhumanitiesorg

Staff

e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r

Adam Davis

facilitation and tra ining manager

Rachel Bernstein

communicationsprogram associate

Eloise Holland

editorassociate director

Kathleen Holt

development director

Kamla Hurst

program officer

Annie Kaffen

office manager

Mikaela Schey

director of finance and oper ations

Carole Shellhart

development associate

Maggie Starr

communications associate

Ben Waterhouse

program coordinator

Kyle Weismann-Yee

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Board of Directorsch a i r

Sona Karentz Andrews Portland

v ic e ch a i r

Janet Webster Newport

tr e a s u r e r

Jeff Cronn Portland

secretary

Matthew Boulay Salem

Paul Duden Portland

Kimberly Howard Portland

Nels Johnson Portland

Emily Karr Portland

Shannon Mara Bend

Win McCormack Portland

Alberto Moreno Portland

Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego

Ron Paul Portland

Denise Reed Astoria

Chantal Strobel Bend

Dave Weich Portland

Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED

Non-profit Org

US Postage

PAID

Permit No 1274

Portland OR

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities6

HUMA NITIES ACROSS OREGON

Field Work

Donnell Alexander leads a

conversat ion about hip hop on

the stage of Portland Playhousersquos

production of How We Got On

How We Got OnOregon Humanities and Portland Playhouse

partner for an evening of hip hop and

conversation

O N E E V E N I N G I N O C T O B E R P O R T -

land Playhousersquos stage was set not for the

production of How We Got On by Idris Goodwin

which opened at the end of September but for

a conversation about local hip hop culture rap

music and how musicians break into the scene

A s more than sixty peoplemdashincluding a

couple of groups of teens and adults of all

agesmdashfound their seats around the stage DJ Verbz set the tone of the evening with a mix of

local hip hop music

ldquoHow We Got On A Hip Hop Conversationrdquo

wa s org an iz ed by Oregon Hum an ities and

Portland Playhouse to bring residents

together to talk about some of the themes and

ideas presented in the play How We G ot On

One of Portland Playhousersquos goals says Artis-

tic Director Brian Weaver is to engage audi-

ences beyond traditional theater talk-backs

Donnell Alexander who leads an Oregon

Humanities Conversation Project called

ldquoNorthwest Mixtape Hip Hop Culture and

Influencesrdquo facilitated the conversation and

designed the eveningrsquos program While plan-

ning the event he brought on Verbz and up-and-coming Portland rapper Glenn Waco who

performed a short set The cast of How We Got

K I M O

A N H N G U Y E N

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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7 FallWinter 20157

Want to keepup with thehumanities inOregon

bull Visit oregonhumanitiesorg

to sign up for our monthly

enewsletter

bull Like us on Facebook

bull Follow us on Twitter

On also performed a scene from the play

W ha t st art ed as a conv er sati on ab out

what makes Por tland hip hop unique evolved

into a discussion that touched on everything

from redliningmdashthe practice of denying mort-

gages to people who live in certai n areas based

on the racial makeup of those areasmdashto the

Telecommunications Act of 1996 to what itrsquos

like to be an artistmdashparticularly an artist of

colormdashin Portland

Ithica Tell an actress who performs the

role of the Selector in How We Got On talked

about the difficulty of seeing hip hop music

thrive in the Northwest while the black cul-

ture that created it is rejected ldquoItrsquos hard

for black culture and communities to take

root when theyrsquore not nurturedrdquo she saidreferencing an 1857 exclusion clause in

Oregonrsquos constitution that prohibited black

people from living in t he state and that wasnrsquot

repealed until 1926

Alexander who is relati vely new to Port-

land was excited by the opportunity to have

people in a room talking about a topic hersquos

passionate about and one thatmdashespecially

when it comes to the Pacific Nor thwestmdashhersquos

still learning about himself ldquoIn this age of

the Internet we all think we know every-

thing but we donrsquot Itrsquos a living historyrdquo hesaid ldquoItrsquos important that we understand our

environment and the way we start to do that

is by talking to each otherrdquo

ELOISE HOLLAND

Pints and PulitzersThink amp Drink 2016 brings Pulitzer Prize

winners to Oregon

OR E G O N H U M A N I T I E S rsquo T H I N K amp

Drink series will feature Pulitzer Prize

winners and fina lists in eight events around

Oregon in 2016 Conversations with four

renowned writers will take place in Portland

Astoria Bend and Eugene

Think amp Drink which sparks provoca-

tive conversations about big ideas began as a

happy-hour event at a Portland bar in 2009

Alt hough it has since grow n t o fi ll larger ven-

ues the series remains more intimate and

casual than traditional lecture programs

Past guests include Cheryl Strayed UrsulaK Le Guin and Barry Lopez While Oregon

Humanities has presented individual Think

amp Drink events outside of Portland this is

the first time the series will feature the same

guests in multiple communities

The 2016 Think amp Drink series will feature

appearances by novelist Laila Lalami in Port-

land and Bend (read her essay on page 27) jour-

nalist and novelist Heacutector Tobar in Portland

and Eugene journalist and historian Isabel

Wil kerson in Portland a nd Astoria a nd jour-nalist Katherine Boo in Portland

Think amp Drink 2016 is made possible by a

Alberta Rose Theatre 3000 NE Alberta St Portland

700ndash830 pm Doors at 600 pm

Minors with parent or guardian

Series tickets ($50$100) available now at

oregonhumanitiesorg

Think amp Drink

2016A Special Pulitzer Prize Series

FEBRUARY 16

Laila Lalami author of The Moorrsquos Account

February 17 in Bend

APRIL 19

Heacutector Tobar author of Deep Down Dark

The Untold Stories of 33 Men Buried in

a Chilean Mine and the Miracle That Set

Them Free

April 20 in Eugene

JULY 20

Isabel Wilkerson author of The Warmth of

Other Suns The Epic Story of Americarsquos

Great Migration

July 21 in Astoria

OCTOBER 19

Katherine Boo author of Behind the Beautiful

Forevers Life Death and Hope in a

Mumbai Undercity

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities8

T H I N K amp D R I N K R E T U R N S

Oregon Humanitiesrsquo Think amp Drink

returns in 2016 engaging the public to

think and talk about big ideas Thanks

to support from the Pulitzer Centennial

Campfires Initiative this yearrsquos series

wi ll bri ng Pu lit zer Pr ize wi nne rs and

finalists to Portland Astoria Bend and

Eugene The speakers include Laila Lal-

ami Heacutector Tobar Isabel Wilkerson and

Katherine Boo See p 7 for more details

about the series

D E A R S T R A N G E R M O V E D E A R

Stranger OHrsquos letter-writing project

invites Oregonians to write a personal

letter to someone theyrsquove never met

and receive a letter in exchange To par-

ticipate write a letter inspired by thetheme ldquoMoverdquo and send it along with a

self-addressed stamped envelope and a

signed release form to Dear Stranger co

Oregon Humanities 921 SW Washington

St Suite 150 Portland Oregon 97205

Letters must be mailed by January 22

2016 to be exchanged Visit oregonhu-

manitiesorg for complete guidelines and

to download a release form

H O S T A C O N V E R S A T I O N P R O J E C T

Oregon nonprofits and community

groups can apply until January 31 2016

to host Conversation Project discussions

in the spring and summer Visit oregon-

humanitiesorg for more information

and look out for the application window

for 2016ndash17 conversation leaders open-

ing in January

W E L C O M E N E W B O A R D M E M B E ROregon Humanities is pleased to

announce the election of Shannon Mara

to the board of directors this September

Mara has worked in business manage-

ment and consulting in Oregon since

1994 She works with Volunteers in Medi-

cine and Sudara Corp and also serves on

the boards of directors for Opportunity

Knocks and 1859 Media LLC

N E H C E L E B R A T E S F I F T Y Y E A R S

The National Endowment for the

Humanities one of the largest funders

of humanities programs in the country

makes Oregon Humanitiesrsquo work pos-

sible This year the NEH celebrates fifty

years of achievement Since its inception

in 1965 the organization has awarded

63000 grants totaling $53 billion in

order to strengthen teaching research

and lifelong learning around the nation

Oregon Humanities News

$30000 grant from the Pu litzer Prize Centen-

nial Campfires Initiative a $15 million effort

to generate conversations across the country

about the impact of journalism and humanities

on our lives in observation of the hundredth

presentation of the annual awards The Pulit-

zer Prizes established by newspaper publisher

Joseph Pulitzer in his will recognize excel-

lence in journalism letters and music

Season tickets to the Portland events which

will take place at the Alberta Rose Theatre are

available now at albertarosetheatrecom Tick-

ets for events outside of Portland will be avail-

able through local venues

BEN WATERHOUSE

Power and PlaceOregon Humanities launches a project to

explore land loss by communities of color

A F T E R R E C E I V I N G A N O V E R W H E L M -

ingly enthusiastic response to the video

Future Portland Kathleen Holtmdashwho coordi-

nated the production of the video for Oregon

Humanitiesmdashknew there were more stories

like this one that needed telling The video

which wa s made by ma gazi ne contr ibutor

Ifanyi Bell and Brushfire Creative Partners

tells the story of loss and hope in Portlandrsquos

black communities It was powerful Holt says

because it showed the effects of displacement

on people and how that experience feels

Inspired by the impact the video had on

Oregonians Oregon Humanities is launch-

ing a new multimedia project that will collect

and connect stories about the loss of lands and

power by communities of color Combining

technology arts and the humanities the proj-

ect will culminate in a website featuring videos

photos maps timelines graphics words and

other content created by artists and writers of

color to express Oregonrsquos stories of land and

power loss as well as peoplersquos responses to this

loss including thriving and resistance

Holt says the goal of this undertak ing is toshare with Oregonians the sometimes hidden

histories and contributions of communities

of color ldquoItrsquos important for citizens t o under-

stand how the world takes shape around us

Once we have that awareness we can take

steps to change and improve our communityrdquo

she says By creating a space to express many

different stories side by side Oregon Human-

ities aims to help build a broader understand-

ing of how policies and legislation influence

systems of power and landownership in Ore-

gonrsquos past a nd present

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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9 FallWinter 2015

Joaquin LopezThis project which is made possible by a

$110000 grant from the Creative Heights Ini-

tiative of the Oregon Community Foundation

wi ll create a place for ar tis ts and writer s of

color to share their work and will invite more

stories Holt says ldquoThis project is just the

beginning We hope to create a place for these

kinds of stories to live and be shared By set-

ting up this place other stories will come to usrdquo

The website is expected to launch in January

2017 To watch Future Portland visit oregon-

humanitiesorg

JULIA WITHERS

The Power of Story

Idea Lab guest inspires students to find meaningin stories

W H E N M U S I C I A N A N D C O M M U N I T Y

advocate Joaquin Lopez is able to con-

vince yout h that they have the power to make

their own lives meaningful he says ldquothey

become the owners of their own experiencerdquo

This summer Lopez shared his story with 120

rising high school seniors from around the

state at Oregon Humanitiesrsquo Idea Lab Sum-

mer Institute

A Partnership to Promote PublicConversation Around Palliative Care

The Cambia Health Foundation is proud to partner with Oregon Humanities to

help communities across Oregon talk about what maers most

Learn more at oregonhumanitiesorg

R U S S E L L

J Y O U N G

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities10

FundersKeep OregonListeningLearning andExploring

Thanks to the support of

our generous funders

Oregon Humanities

brings tens of thousands

of Oregonians togethermdash

face-to-face online and

on the pagemdashto talk

listen and learn from one

another The following

funders have recently

offered support to make

Oregon a more dynamic

and vital place to live

bull The Oregon Community

Foundation $110000

Creative Heights grant

to pursue a multimedia

project that explores land

loss by communities of

color in Oregon

bull The Maybelle Clark

Macdonald Fund

$20000 for matching

new and increased dona-tions over the last year

bull The Rose E Tucker

Charitable Trust $6500

for Conversation Project

bull Emily Georges Gott-

fried Fund $2000 for a

pilot project training high

school students to lead

community conversations

bull Union Bank of California

Foundation $2000 for

Humanity in Perspective

Idea Lab is a three-day program that brings

Oregon teachers and high school juniors

together to explore the pursuit of happiness

and how it shapes our world Students from

diverse communities and economic back-

grounds engage with big ideas through work-

shops lectures films and conversations This

year the weekend concluded with a special pre-

sentation by Lopez

Incorporating personal narrative lecture

and Latin American folk music into his perfor-

mance Lopez focused on the power of stories

to connect people to history themselves and

the world Lopez shared with Idea Lab students

how he came to terms with his ow n identity as

a queer Latino man by realizing that hersquos the

author of his own story and the creator of his

own happiness Students gave Lopez a stand-

ing ovation they appreciated his honesty

openness and confidence Courtney Ford astudent from De La Salle North Catholic High

School commented ldquoHe left the audience with

ldquoAt Idea Lab I learned to see

the world not just as what it was

but as what it could berdquomdashMark Delgado Oregon Humanities Idea Lab alumnus (2010) and counselor (2015)

Help more Oregonians connect to life-changing ideas

Visit giveguideorgoregonhumanities to make a gift

through the Willamette Week rsquos 2015 GiveGuide

inspiration to truly be themselvesrdquo

Lopez believes in the potential of the

humanities to engage and empower people In

his work with youth at the Latino Networkmdash

a nonprofit with locations in Portland and

Gresham that promotes social change by unit-

ing the Latino communitymdashLopez manages

Studio Latino an after-school program that

focuses on Latin American arts and culture

The program was piloted last spring and this

year it will enter Reynolds High School in

Troutdale Gresham High School and Alder

Elementary in Portland Lopez works to incor-

porate themes of perseverance personal char-

acter and cultural identity into the program so

that students can bring those values with them

beyond high school

For Lopez creating spaces where youth can

be themselves and connect with each other is

a powerful way to make change ldquoStories havethe capacity to heal they remind us that we are

all in this togetherrdquo

JULIA WITHERS

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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11 FallWinter 2015 FROM THE DIRECTOR

W H E N I W A S FIVE A ND L IVING IN A

small Minnesota city my fatherrsquos par-

ents visited from New York On Sunday morn-

ing we went as usual to Perkins where I did

what my parents had prepared me to do I asked

for pancakes but no bacon With enthusiasm

and pride I told my grandparentsmdashMoshe and

Lottie to most people Saba and Sabtah to memdash

that because they were there I was only having

pancakes no bacon

Two decades later I went to visit the fam-

ily of the woman who is now my wife While

most of the family ate snappy cheese and corn

pudding inside the Millersburg Kentucky

home my wifersquos fatherrsquos mother asked me on

the back porch what my belief was about Jesus

Christ She listened to the first tepid sentence

of my response and thanked me and walked

into the kitchen to urge her granddaughter to

be careful

A few years ago I went with my wife and

kids to the funeral of my wifersquos motherrsquos third

husband in a Southern Baptist church in a

small town in South Carolina In a departurefrom the churchrsquos usual practice a well-

known local musician sang ldquoImaginerdquo Two

of the three eulogies were delivered from the

altar by gay men When the preacher led us in

prayer and song my kids and I and I think my

wife were silent We knew neither the words

nor the tune

My kids now ten and eight tell people who

ask that they are both Christian and Jewish I

suspect my grandparents and my wifersquos grand-

parents would have said they are neither

I donrsquot think my kids know that they are a

thoroughly contemporary diluted amalgam

of Presbyterian Southern Baptist and Jew

Therersquos Scotch-Irish and English and Lithu-

anian and Polish in there Therersquos Kentucky

and Alabama and New York and Israel and

Minnesota and Chicago Therersquos other stuff

too They see themselves as OregoniansIn a short essay thatrsquos been on my mind re-

cently the author Toureacute thinks through how

he will raise children with his soon-to-be wife

He writes that it will be his job not hers to

bring blackness into the home He tries in his

essay to figure out what that could mean but

he seems certain that the job belongs to him

Earlier this fall at the Confederated Tribes

of Grand Rondersquos Third Annual History and

Culture Summit there was a good deal of

attention to cultural inheritancemdashwhat we

receive and what we pass on Several peoplespoke of thinking seven generations back and

seven generations forward I canrsquot go back four

and find the looking forward even hardermdashand

there we were thinking about this at just the

third-annual summit an old culture becoming

new again

This summit got me thinking about how

the more pressure your culture is undermdashthe

more persecution and threat it suffersmdashthe

more likely you may be to think carefully about

preserving it recognizing it passing it on

One thing thatrsquos been passed on to me is

an undiluted commitment to questions This

time of year with the holidays and their vari-

ous rituals upon us my big question is about

what Toureacute calls his job

Merry or happy or bountiful or blessed

whatever everyone and also this what of

what yoursquove received do you want to pass on

What would you be fine leaving behind And

what can you do to transmit the good stuff

inherited or acquired later seven generations

hence

What We Pass On

A DA M DAV IS

K I M N

G U Y E N

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities12

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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13 FallWinter 2015 Move

Whose StateIs This

Legal measures targeting LatinoOregonians reflect fears of change

I N TH E A U TU MN O F 1 980 TE R E S A A L O NS O L E O NrsquoS FA TH E R DE C IDE D TO TA KE A

rare day off from working in the fields near Clackamas to bring his daughters to what he thought

was a publ ic pa rk Alonso Leon who was five and her sister played catch their feet crunchingfallen leaves as they ran across the grass Then a car pulled up The driver got out and shouted at

Alonso Leonrsquos father The man spoke in English but her father spoke only SpanishmdashAlonso Leon

too They had only recently arrived from the southern state of Michoacaacuten Mexico to their new

home in Oregon The man grew more agitated gesturing and raising his voice until her father

gathered the girls and left

ldquoIt was a golf course or someplace people didnrsquot want kids playingrdquo Alonso Leon who is now

forty-one recalls ldquoMy father couldnrsquot read the signs and we had no idea what the man was saying

But the way the man spoke to my father that just stuck with merdquo

Alonso Leonrsquos fami ly are modern-day Movers people who made Oregon their destination of

hope for prosperity renewal and survival But her family would not have fit the original ideal

Movers was the nineteenth-century nickname for settlers who drove west in covered wagons

ldquoRestlessness was their dominant traitrdquo historian Malcolm Clark Jr wrote in his 1981 book Eden

Seekers ldquoThe gene of it was passed from father to son as a part of the act of procreation The fron-

tier was constantly reproducing itselfrdquo

For centuries the new Oregonians worked to make sure the reproducing gene was white W hen

it won statehood in 1859 Oregon was part of the anti-slavery Northmdashif only because its constitu-

tion excluded blacks from living within the statersquos borders (The provision wasnrsquot removed until

1926) Native tribes were shuffled to reservations and Chinese workers were attacked by white

residents in Oregon City La Grande and several other communities

The twentieth-century brought more hostility In 1920 state law required non-English news-

papers to print English translations Portlandrsquos black population swelled when the cityrsquos ship-

yards expanded during World War II and city leaders segregated African Americans in North

and Northeast Portland neighborhoods and nearby Vanport a slapdash public housing project ina floodplain near the Columbia River The state didnrsquot outlaw discrimination in housing restau-

rants hotels and other accommodations until the 1950s

BRENT WALTH

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities14

Oregon can no longer look in a mirror and see a bleached face

staring back In 1980 the first year the first year the CensusBureau included ldquoHispanicrdquo as a n ethnic category fewer than 7

percent of people in the state identified themselves as anything

other than ldquowhiterdquo Now according to the most recent Census

numbers nearly one quarter identify a s something other than

ldquowhite alonerdquo

The definition of what it means to be an Oregonian has

shifted as the state has seen immigrants from Asia Eastern

Europe and Africa The biggest shift has been in the statersquos

Latino population which has grown five times faster than the

state as a whole According to the Census 125 percent of the

population now identifies as Hi spanic or Latino Several cities

now count Latinos as the majority

One of those cities is Woodburn a Marion County town of

24000 where Alonso Leon now serves as a member of the city

council and where an acceptance of languages other than Eng-

lish has helped the community deal with change ldquoIf you donrsquot

have that you instead have misunderstanding and mispercep-

tions about other peoplerdquo Alonso Leon says ldquoWersquore not sitting

down together often enough as it isrdquo

Oregon has become a state of many languages But a small

effective and (many say) xenophobic group is pushing to put

a measure on the 2016 ballot that would declare English as the

statersquos official language Oregonians will need to decide if fear will divide the state over race ethnicity and how we talk to each

other

JIM LUDWICK SEES A DAY WHEN AMERICANS WILL BE

expected to speak both English and Spanish It worries him

ldquoBeing a bilingual country is breaking down people accord-

ing to where they came from rather than encouraging everyone

to be unitedrdquo Ludwick says ldquoItrsquos a tragedy waiting to happenrdquo

Ludwick a retired pharmaceuticals salesman from McMin-

nville is cofounder of Oregonians for Immigration Reform

which is pushing the Engl ish-only measure Since its found-

ing in 2000 the group has argued that the federal govern-

mentrsquos failure to enforce immigration laws has wreaked havoc

on the country The g roup opposes any government privileges

for undocumented residents including schools and health

care Oregonians for Immigration Reform he says favors the

deportation of anyone the government discovers is living in the

country illegally That includes the estimated 120000 undocu-

mented people living in Oregonmdasha number thatrsquos actually fallen

in recent years ldquoThis country was founded on the rule of lawrdquoLudwick says ldquoWersquore now seeing people openly violating our

immigration laws while try ing to impose new laws on usrdquo

For years Oregonians for Immigration Reform wasnrsquot taken

seriously in Salem or seen as a political threat Its leadersrsquo ten-

dency to broadbrush Latinos leaves many people uncomfort-

able When asked about immigration for example Ludwick

steers the conversation to ldquoillegalsrdquo stealing Social Security

numbers Mexicans run ning drugs a nd undocumented resi-

dents committing other crimes

The Southern Poverty Law Center a Montgomery Ala-

bamandashbased watchdog on issues of discrimination maintains a

nationwide list of ldquonativist extremistrdquo groups it says go beyondadvocating on immigration policy to targeting immigrants

themselves Oregonians for Immigration Reform is one of nine-

teen groups on the organizationrsquos nationwide list

Ludwick says this characterization of his group is unfair ldquoIf

I even question our immigration policies then Irsquom a racistrdquo he

says ldquoThatrsquos not it at all I want the United States to be a great

country that welcomes people from all over as we always have

But itrsquos foolish to think it will be i f we continue with our immi-

gration policiesrdquo

The grouprsquos status as an outsidermdashand its leaderrsquos view of its

place in Oregon politicsmdashchanged in 2014

Oregon once had relatively lax laws when it came to granting

driversrsquo licenses Starting in 2008 the state legislature required

proof of citizenship or legal residency such as a Social Security

number or other papers Latino groups (long courted by the

Democrats who run Salem) spent the next five years pushing

to overturn the law They succeeded in 2013 when lawmakers

established a ldquodriverrsquos cardrdquo for residents who could not prove

they were in the country legally

Oregonians for Immigration Reform fought the new law by

gathering the 58000 signatures needed to put the question on

the November 2014 ballot A ldquoyesrdquo vote would uphold the leg-

islaturersquos actions Backers including some farm groups saidthe measure was practical and compassionate But the mea-

sure became a proxy for frustration about the nationrsquos broken

The definition of what

it means to be anOregonian has shiftedas the state has seenimmigrants from AsiaEastern Europe and Africa The biggest shifthas been in the statersquos

Latino population which has grown fivetimes faster than thestate as a whole

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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15 FallWinter 2015 Move

immigration system and Oregon voters crushed the measure

two to one

The victory Ludwick says shows Oregonians agree with his

grouprsquos views that immigration is out of control and that the gov-

ernment should not be rewarding people who are here illegally

He says much of the country is with his groupmdashand the suc-

cess of Republican presidential candidate Donald Trumprsquos

rhetoric about immigrants is proof When he announced his

candidacy in June 2015 Trump said Mexico was dumping drug

dealers and rapists into the United States ldquoAnd some I assumerdquo

Trump added ldquoare good peoplerdquo

ldquoWhen he did thatrdquo Ludwick says ldquohe shot right up in the

polls He chose to talk about immigration because hersquos a guy who

likes leverage He knows thatrsquos a subject that appeals to regular

Americansrdquo

O R E GO N S A W ITS L A TINO P O P U L A TIO N GR O W A FTE R World War II when the United States opened its borders to bra-

ceros guest workers from Mexico who labored in the fields The

program ended in the mid-1960s but the statersquos farmers were

by then dependent on migrant workers United Farm Workers

(UFW ) leader Cesar Chavez often brought his protests to Ore-

gon denouncing the low wages unsafe conditions and abysmal

housing for many of the statersquos estimated 40000 migrant work-

ers half of whom took seasonal jobs in the Willamette Valley

The UFWrsquos actions sparked backlash against Latinos in

many places but Oregon turned away from a cultural battle In

1971 the Republican-controlled legislature passed a bill to stop

farmworkers from organizing They put intense pressure onthen-Governor Tom McCallmdasha fellow Republican who grew up

in a ranching familymdashto sign it McCall nearly did but protests

and vigils against the bill moved him (as did Chavezrsquos threats of

boycotts) and it troubled him that the state was about to deny

rights and protections for people who came here to work ldquoHellrdquo

McCall said when the bill-signing deadline approached ldquoIrsquom

going to veto that son of a bitchrdquo And he did Over the years

many migrants stopped moving around and settled in the Wil-

lamette Valley and they beckoned others from their home coun-

tries to join them

Teresa Alonso Leonrsquos family was among those who heard the

call Her parents arrived in Oregon without documentation Her

father left their home in Michoacaacuten in early 1980 and moved

to Clackamas where relatives had told him he could find bet-

ter-paying work than he had in Mexico In Oregon her parents

worked at least two jobs at a ti me often seven days a week For

four years her family lived in a ramshackle house in Gervais

without plumbing They used a n outhouse and hauled in buck-

ets of water filled from a garden hose to cook and clean In the

winter the water stored in the buckets indoors froze

Her parents wanted their children to avoid the life they had

as laborers and for Alonso Leon school was transformative She

quickly saw the need to learn Englishmdashher teachers made herrepeat first grade because she struggled with the new language

But she soon caught up and became the familyrsquos translator

during doctorrsquos visits or meetings at her school

ldquoI had to become the spokesperson for the familyrdquo she says

In 1986 Congress passed an immigration amnesty bill that

offered legal residency to 29 million people Not yet a teenager

Alonso Leon represented her parents as they met the require-

ments to earn legal status gathering work histories from past

employers studying US history and demonstrating basic Eng-

lish skills (Her parents earned legal residency that covered

Alonso Leon She became a US citizen in 2013)

Her family eventually moved to Woodburn where she

attended high school before earning her GED through a pro-

gram at the University of Oregon She went on to graduate from

Wester n Ore gon Uni versity and Portland Stat e University

where she earned a masterrsquos degree in public administration

Alonso Leon has spent most of her career looki ng for ways to

make school more avai lable to low-income students or those who

are the first in their families to attend college At Portland Com-munity College she helped develop a program to guide migrant

students in adjusting to their first year in college Today she

runs the state of Oregonrsquos GED program in the Department of

Community Colleges and Workforce Development which each

year helps 1700 students gain their high-school equivalency

Families like hers have worked here for decades paying ta xes

and working to offer their children better lives And Alonso

Leon worries that Oregon will declare its government recog-

nizes only English

ldquoIt sends the message that as a state wersquore denying that peo-

ple should be able to live here and speak their native languagerdquo

Alonso Leon says ldquo It also sends the message t hat i mmigrantsarrive and reject the language thatrsquos spoken here Thatrsquos not the

case People try to learn English because they wa nt to succeedrdquo

Alonso Leonrsquos parents still struggle with English even a fter

three decades in Oregon Mastering the language she says often

requires education and trainingmdashsomething that her parents

and many other immigra nts have lacked

ldquoMy parents worked two or three jobs at a time at low wages

all these yearsrdquo she says ldquoYou can say to my parents lsquoWhy have

you not done a better job of learning Englishrsquo The answer is

they spent all their time making sure their children were fed

and clothedrdquo

THE MEASUR E SUPPORTED BY OREGONIANS FOR IMMI-

gration Reform would if passed by voters require state and

local governments to conduct business in English Oregon

law already requires that in many cases even though Oregon

is one of nineteen states without a blanket official-language

declaration

But the Oregon measure could go beyond what other states

impose its language suggests that (with some exceptions) it

could become illegal for government agencies to provide com-

munications with the public in languages besides Englishmdash

despite the fact that 15 percent of Oregonians speak a languageother than English at home Portland Public Schools for exam-

ple prints materials for parents in several languagesmdasha practice

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities16

Ludwick says is a waste of money

Ludwick recalls an illustration he saw in a social studies text-

book he had in high school ldquoIt was of this giant cooking potrdquo

he says ldquoPeople from all over the world are jumping inmdashpeople

with sombreros and so on And in the picture Uncle Sam is stir-

ring itmdashstirring the pot the melting pot And the people who had

jumped in earlier are now climbing out dressed like Americans

They had coats and ties onrdquo

ldquoThe point isrdquo he says ldquoit was about assimilation It used to

be you come to America to become an American Not a Hispanic

American New immigrants today donrsquot want to be assimilated

They want to divide themselves off from us while imposing their

cultural beliefs on usrdquo

The threat Ludwick sees is about more than language Itrsquos

about influence and powermdashless about reforming immigration

laws than it is about forcing a cultural norm on Oregonrsquos immi-

grants His grouprsquos attention to Latinos in particular is basedin sheer numbersmdash40 percent of immigrants in Oregon were

born in Mexicomdashbut also on the success of organi zations such

as Causa Oregon to push a political agenda These groups have

had some victories including a 2013 law allowing college tuition

grants for undocumented students who attended Oregon high

schools But the doors of power have not been knocked open

The state has seen only one Latino elected official statewide

(former state schools superintendent Susan Castillo) and only

a handf ul of legislators

What Oregonians for Immigration Reform plays on is fearmdash

the fear of a non-Latino majority losing influence and facing

discrimination for not speaking Spanish In its troubled his-tory Oregon has turned on the ldquootherrdquo foreigners blacks any

faceless group accused of stealing something from the rest of us

including jobs culture andmdashnowmdashlanguage

The last thing Oregon needs is another dark chapter of rac-

ism disguised as nationalistic duty What the state could use

instead is a moment of illumination and courage

Itrsquos happened before in another context A half century ago

Oregon set out to protect its farms and forests by carefully plan-

ning for the rapid population growth that was coming Its lead-

ers (primari ly Governor Tom McCall) engaged in a long often

rending discussion about the need for land-use laws Invective

followedmdashfoes called Oregon a communist state and voters in

many parts of the state would still erase land-use laws from the

books in a hea rtbeat given the chance But it took someone with

guts to cha llenge hardened beliefs and prepare Oregon for the

future

Itrsquos time for another conversation this one about the chang-

ing face of the state Oregonrsquos long history with a whites-only

club running things is ending Imagine seeing a leader in Oregon

brave enough to embrace that futuremdashespecially now that the

nationrsquos political debate is oozing anti-immigrant poison

A future Oregon leader who gets up the nerve to t alk about

the value of a more diverse Oregonmdashand the need to account

for itmdashneed look no further than Woodburn a city that thirty

years ago no one would predict would be a model for cultural

tolerance The town struggled with change as Latino and Rus-

sian immigrants came to the area Today Woodburn proudly

talks of its ldquoLittle Mexicordquo business district The school district

has seen enormous success in graduating students from high

school in large part because of its bilingual approach in theclassroom The city routinely sends out information about the

library parks and water bills in English and Spanish And the

cityrsquos website has a button that allows visitors to translate its

pages into thirty-six lang uages

Alonso Leon says that despite Woodburnrsquos progress the city

has a lot of ground to gain when it comes to making itself open

to everyone She says the city council rarely sees members of the

Latino community appear before it and that the only Spanish

speakers who attend meetings on a regular basis are usually her

parents who like to watch her in action She says the city has

formed a committee to find ways Woodburn can knock down

cultural and language barriers that keep non-English speakersfrom believing they have a role in civic debates

ldquoWe need to do more to make ourselves inviting and avail-

ablerdquo she says ldquoTelling people only English is acceptable in

government runs against the idea that everyone has the right

to be heardrdquo

Alonso Leon won an appointment to city council in 2013 and

must run for her seat this year if she wa nts to keep it Shersquos never

sought public office before and she could appear on the same

election ballot as Trump and the Oregonians for Immigration

Reform measuremdashan irony that isnrsquot lost on her

Alonso Leon expects a campaign wil l test her Shersquod be the

third Latino elected to the council (shersquos the only one serving

there now) and she says she has never been afraid to tell her story

ldquoIf people are asking questions and scrutinizing who I am

that means theyrsquore considering me or someone like merdquo she

says ldquoAnd that in itself is progressrdquo

Brent Walth has been an Oregon journalist since 1984 Hersquos

the former managing editor at Willamette Week and senior

investigative reporter for the Oregonian and author of Fire at

Edenrsquos Gate a biography of Oregon Governor Tom McCall

Hersquos now an assistant professor in the University of Oregon

School of Journalism and Communication

The threat Ludwicksees is about more thanlanguage Itrsquos about

influence and power

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17 FallWinter 2015 Move

Communityin Flux

A long-persecuted people begins to speak out

I N P O R T L A N D T H E C H R I S T M A S O F 1 9 4 4 W A S B I T -

terly cold and blanketed in white It snowed for days and

stayed close to freezing as the New Year approached But Port-

landers were distracted from the unusually cruel weather by

news that Portland Mayor Earl Riley was forcing dozens of

Roma out of the citymdashand by God it was about time the news-papers crowed Although many members of the local Kalderash

community of Roma had been working in the Kaiser shipyard

factories for the US war effort elected officials law enforce-

ment and the media fell over themselves to justify r unning the

Roma out of town

The Oregon Journal reported that encouraged by police the

Romamdashdescribed as ldquothe gaily dressed wanderersrdquomdashasked for

assistance to return to Texas and New Mexico because Portland

was ldquotoo coldrdquo for them Mayor R iley p ersuaded the US Of fice

of Price Administration (OPA) the federal bureau in charge of

rationing to issue special gas rations to the Roma so they could

make the drive south

The Oregonian considered this a ldquonotable featrdquo by the mayor

not only because the OPArsquos rationing of items like gas rubber

sugar and butter was so strict but also because Riley was ldquogetting

rid of at least half the gy psies [who] have been afflicting the cityrdquo

ldquoWe are right proud of our mayorrdquo the paper wrote

This was the same Mayor Riley who is purported to be one of

the most corrupt mayors in Portlandrsquos history Though his office

accused the Roma of using fortune-telling as a front for prostitu-

tion Riley allegedly kept a special safe in City Hall just for the

bribes he collected from these same types of criminal opera-

tions He was neither indicted nor punished despite criticism bythe City Club of Portland instead he amassed a fortune in ille-

gal enterprises over his lifetime Meanwhile the Roma families

LISA LOVING

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Oregon Humanities18

A detective and two policemen

escort two arrested Romani women

from the paddy wagon into the

Police Headquarters building at SW

2nd amp Oak in 1951

in Portland barely got by sometimes using abandoned storefronts as homes

Carol Silvermanmdasha professor of cultural anthropology and folklore at the

University of Oregon who has studied worked with and advocated for Roma

locally and around the world for almost forty yearsmdashsays the group of Roma in

Portland who came to work in the shipyards during the war were turned upon

when the war was over ldquoJust like Rosie the Riveter when women no longer were

needed for welding and [were told they] should go back to the homerdquo Silverman

says ldquoit was perceived that this group of Roma was no longer needed in the cityPerceived as foreign outsiders dangerous [they were] given these gas rations to

drive out of staterdquo

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19 FallWinter 2015 Move

COURTESY THOMAS ROBINSON

Roma in America today are a community in flux Families

still identify their lineages through distinct ethnic communi-

ties sometimes called tribes including the Sinti Romanichal

and Kalderash and these communities tend to blend in with

the mainstream In the Northwest a look through local busi-

ness listings will not reveal any obvious groups or organiza-

tions serving them except a handful of very tight-knit Christian

churches Most Kalderash would prefer to live under the radar

says Silverman for a compelling historical reason almost

everywhere theyrsquove gone Roma people have been oppressed by

both government and society

Originally from India Roma communities are traditionally

nomadic From the fourteenth century until the Romanian

emancipation of 1864 Roma were enslaved and traded by the

local nobility in a large area of southern Romania including

Walachia and Moldovia with the support of church institutions

Roma moved to the Northwest in the largest numbers after1864 with Kalderash families settling in the area between 1880

and 1920 Silverman says ldquoFrom the first time they came to

America there were rules regulating where Roma could live and

where they could settle and even the kind of work they could do

Many cities had anti-fortune-telling edicts fortune-telling poli-

cies on the books Some cities actually still have themrdquo

Accused of being naturally inferior and prone to crime Roma

people in the Northwest have been targeted and harassed by

local law enforcement and negatively depicted in the media In

1906 the Oregonian wrote ldquoThe police allege that the gypsies

have such a penchant for stealing everything that is not nai led

down that it is necessary always to lsquokeep an eye on themrsquordquo Andthe Ashland Daily Tidings in 1916 wrote ldquoTrue to their inborn

instincts the horde of gypsies which passed through Ashland

last Sunday failed to get out of t he country without committing

a serious depredationrdquo

No scholar has studied discrimination against the Roma as

fully as Ian Hancock a University of Texas at Austin professor of

linguistics English and Asian studies who laid out his findings

in a 2007 research paper He writes that despite five special US

Congressional sessions addressing the increase in anti-Romani

hate crimes in Europe and the correlative increase in Romani

asylum seekers to the United States ldquoThere nevertheless remain

laws on the books in various states and counties that continue

to operate against Gypsies Many of these laws a list of which

fills thirty-four pages were inherited from Europe and were

intended to be used against the earlier Gypsy populations in the

United States they have since found new application against

the more recently arrived and more v isible Eastern European

Roma escaping the post-Communist increase in racial violence

in that region many of whom are seeking political asylum hererdquo

But despite the hostility they have traditionally faced

Romani people have also historically been linchpins of their

local economies Silverman says Roma in Europe worked in

metalcraft which t hey applied in the United States to recopperand re-tin household items at the turn of the century ldquoUntil the

1950s before stainless steel in order to have a working kitchen

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Oregon Humanities20

Most Americanshave no idea

that their owngovernment waspersecuting Romapeople at thesame time Romain Europe werebeing murdered inthe Holocaust

you had to have your pots and pans redonerdquo Silverman says ldquoThis was a real

Romani skillrdquo

This skill in metalwork was perfect for the emerging car industry in 1920s

and rsquo30s America ldquoRoma did this kind of service for many many Northwest

Americans and then eventua lly they got i nto t he car sales businessrdquo Silver-

man says The Romarsquos family-based car repair operations competed directly

with corporate auto repair shops offering an alternative to high-dollar services

with the personal attention of a family business So by World War II not only

was Mayor Riley rsquos expulsion of Roma families cruel but it also likely damaged

the local economy

Most Americans have no idea that their own government was persecut-

ing Roma people at the same time Roma in Europe were being murdered in

the Holocaust The Nazis killed an estimated 220000 to 500000 Roma men

women and childrenmdashperhaps 25 percent of the European Roma populationmdash

between 1935 and 1945 Morgan Ahern a SintiRomanichal Roma and founder

of Seattle-based organization Lolo Diklo Romani Against Racism believes

the number of Roma killed may be as high as 15 million ldquoMany [were killed] inconcentration campsrdquo she says ldquobut many more [were] just shot on the roadrdquo

Silverman agrees that the effect of the Holocaustmdashknown to some Roma as

the Porraimos or ldquothe devouringrdquomdashon the Roma has been ldquoa footnote in most

textbooksrdquo and is only starti ng to be examined in Holocaust museums because

of lobbying by Roma and their allies

Also overlooked in the history of Roma in the United States generations of

Roma children taken from their parents and warehoused in foster care systems

because of lifestyle differences and some families say racism Ahern was one

of those children removed from her family and put into foster care after her

parents were deemed unfit to ta ke care of her because they were Romani and

nomadic

Even today many Romani individuals and families lack birth certificatesand marriage certificates making them vulnerable to government officialsrsquo

whims Silverma n says ldquoThings like being fingerprinted havi ng a birth certifi-

cate might mean that your children are going to be taken away These historic

memories are very very very much alive for Romardquo

After generations of abuse a modest tide of Roma are beginning to speak out

about their civil rights and demand fair t reatment including fair accommoda-

tions in trying to obtain legal documentation for family members who were

born in the United States Silverman who is on the board of the nonprofit Voice

of Roma says she was involved in a c ase in Portland in which it was argued that

oral testimony in a birth is equivalent to a birth certificate ldquoWhen people bear

witness to a marriagerdquo Silverman says ldquoit doesnrsquot matter if therersquos no marriage

certificate It could be issued based on hindsight on memoryrdquo

For a community that has for generations avoided keeping their money in

bank accounts and sending their children to public schools social isolation is

giving way to an emerging movement for empowerment

On the East Coast Kalderash filmmaker George Eli produces films about

his family and is currently building a media channel on Roma And at the

University of Texas Hancock who is Romanichal Roma has spent decades

building the Program of Romani Studies and the Romani Arch ives and Docu-

mentation Center

Ahern founded Lolo Diklo which means ldquored scarfrdquo in 1986 along w ith a

fellow teacher at Seattle Central College The grouprsquos purpose is to document

discrimination and persecution of Romani Ahernrsquos fatherrsquos Romanichal fam-ily have lived in the United States since the 1700s and were originally sent from

Ireland by the British government as slaves Her motherrsquos family were Sinti who

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21 FallWinter 2015 Move

No documentsor oral histories

exist showingwhat happened tothe Roma familiesforced out ofPortland in 1944

arrived in the United States in the late 1930s

fleeing the climate in Germany Her maternal

grandmother pretended to be Italian to get into

the country

Over the years Ahern has traveled through-

out the West Coast lecturing about Roma cul-ture and civil rights She works with Romani

organizations across the United States South

America Canada Europe and Spain

Silverman adds that over the past twenty

years many American Roma have become

born-again Christians establishing their own

churches or joining evangelical congregations

Some of these church leaders are emerging as

community spokespeoplemdashsomething very

new for a community that has been persecuted

for so long ldquoThere are Roma who donrsquot want

to be left alone anymore because they are at a

disadvantage when they are left alonerdquo Silver-

man says ldquoThey are being very brave to actu-

ally interact with t he US court systemrdquo

But despite these efforts even today the dis-

crimination that Roma face by revealing their

heritage remains very real ldquoIn their historical

memory interacting with American institu-

tions has often resulted in a form of marginal-

izationrdquo Silverman says

For example Silverman describes ethnic

profiling by police bureaus through what wereknown as ldquobunco squadsrdquo police bureaus in

the South that had ldquoGypsy unitsrdquo to focus on

ldquoGypsy crimerdquo She says ldquoThis is ethnic profiling of crime

assuming that all Roma commit a certain kind of crime and

certain ki nds of crimes are only committed by Romardquo

The racial profiling of Roma people doesnrsquot stop with law

enforcement it is a staple of local news The language used

in Pacific Northwest news coverage in the past ten years to

describe alleged offenders has hardly changed from what was

writ ten in newspapers in the early 1900s

In 2007 a ldquoNight Cabbierdquo column in Willamette Week

sparked outrage ldquoThe Gypsies apparently are no jokerdquo the

unidentified cab driverwriter penned about the apparent rav-

ings of a customer ldquoDespite what we may think she explains to

us that real Gypsies arenrsquot nomadic livestock thieves but in fact

have been living in her neighborhood for decades And theyrsquore

very bad neighborsrdquo

ldquoThis is racist nonsenserdquo a reader responded ldquoInexcusable

for a serious newspaper to print such offensive content about areal livi ng breathing person in the neighborhood on account of

one of his neighbors For all we know this bigoted fool is the bad

neighborrdquo

No documents or oral histories exist showing what happened

to the Roma families forced out of Portland in 1944 Did they

stay in Texas Did they return to the Northwest Did they find

safety Or were they forced on toward some other location And

most important how in the Information Age is it possible that

the Roma experience has been all but forgotten by the main-

stream of society

Silverman holds out hope that organizations such as Voice of

Roma and Lolo Diklo can help Roma keep from getting caught inunfriendly bureaucratic systems as well as provide an opening

for more outreach and understanding The Portland Romani

Festival a one-day celebration featuring food music and infor-

mation on human rights issues affecting Roma people is ten-

tatively scheduled for late spring 2016 The Festival Romani

Facebook page is a fountain of music and cu ltural events par-

ticularly music performances up and down the West Coast

ldquoI think people should become knowledgeable about Romani

history and discrimination in order to combat itrdquo Silverman

says ldquoIt seems to me that while wersquore talking about ethnic a nd

racial diversity we can no longer eliminate a large group that

has suffered prejudice for so many years and continues to suffer

prejudicerdquo

Thanks to Fair Housing Council of Oregon for sharing this

story with Oregon Humanities through its history bus tour

Lisa Loving has reported on civil rights and diversity in

Oregon for more than fifteen years She is a news and

public affairs producer at KBOO Community Radio 907

FM in Portland and the former news editor of the award-

winning African American community newspaper the

Skanner Her new book How to Be a Citizen Journalist will

be released in 2017 by Microcosm Publishing

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities22

Like all places Oregon has a brand an identity that distinguishes

it from other places This identity is a pastiche of characteris-

ticsmdashenvironmental and agricultural urban and rural intrepid and

entrepreneurialmdashthat become a kind of shorthand that rightly or

wrongly insiders and outsiders read to understand what this state

and its people collectively value But how much do we the resi-

dents of this place really know about the systems behind these

things that seem to represent our identity

On the pages that follow we look more closely at just four ofthese cultural identifiers and how they move through their individ-

ual systems coho salmon up the Columbia River past historical

sites trash recyclables reusables and compost from Portland to

other parts of the state and the world bicycles buses and cars

up a busy corridor through a rapidly changing neighborhood and

ideas measures and laws through what is sometimes called the

Oregon System

Thanks to sources at the Confluence Project Death with Dignity Friends of the Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge Heiberg Garbage and

Recycling Metro MIG Northwest Power and Conservation Council Ofce of the Secretary of State Oregon History Project Oregon Legis -

lature Portland Bureau of Transportation TriMet and US Forest Servicersquos Pacific Northwest Research Station for their help with this story

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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23 FallWinter 2015 Move

Salmon up the Columbia RiverAFTER SPENDING sixteen to twenty months at sea a coho

salmon begins her journey up the Columbia and Sandy Rivers

back to her natal spawning grounds This amazing biological phe-

nomenon is also rich with cultural significance and the landmarks

she passes upstream mark the politics and history of her species

1 Salmon were central to the Chinook that once inhabited villages

along the lower Columbia and seining was the most important

method used to catch the fish As runs declined in the early twen-

tieth century white fishermen drove the Chinook off Sand Island

and Peacock Spit two of the most productive seining areas in

the estuary Seining was prohibited by Washington in 1934 and

Oregon in 1948

2 On March 16 1806 Meriwether Lewis drew and described a fish

brought to him at Fort Clatsop ldquoThe white Salmon Trout has

now made itrsquos appearance in the creeks near this place one of

them was brought us today by an Indian who had just taken it with

his gig this is a likness of itrdquo The fish was later classified as coho

salmon Oncorhynchus kisutch

3 In 1866 the brothers George W and William Hume and Andrew

S Hapgood established a salmon cannery at Eagle Cliff

Washington packing 4000 cases their first year In 1895 up to

50 Columbia canneries produced 635000 cases of salmon But

by 1977 the pack was just 2547 cases The last major cannery

on the Columbia closed in 1980

4 On November 5 1805 Lewis and Clark recorded a visit to the

ldquoQuathapotle Nationrdquo one of the largest Chinookan villages the

expedition encountered Today Cathlapotle is an archeological site

and the home of a modern plankhouse which serves as an outdoor

classroom and is used by the Chinook Indian Nation

5 In 2008 Maya Linrsquos sculpture Bird Blind was dedicated The blind

lists 134 plants documented by Lewis and Clark along with one

word on their status today thriving threatened endangered or

extinct Coho are listed as threatened today

6 In 2007 the Marmot Dam part of Portland General Electric hydro-

electric project in the Sandy River basin was removed due to

pressure from conservation groups and rising management costs

Built in 1913 by Portland Railway Light and Power Company the

dam provided hydroelectric power to Portland Today salmon navi-gate a free-flowing river mdashTRM

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities24

1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every

other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-

cling one of a number of independent haulers

in the Metro region grind their gears uphill

traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food

scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-

board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue

recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in

the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green

roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-

egory recycling compost and yard waste and

garbage

2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly

either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-

gon Recycling System past the airport in East

Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery

facilities (there are a handful in the region)

which then sell the materials based on demand

in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others

in foreign countries such as China

3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable

waste the other trucks head to Metro Central

Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro

South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-

tions in the region Last year almost a half a

million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos

two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins

other company haulers contractors with con-

struction waste and residential customers with

miscellaneous items not picked up through

home collection service At the transfer station

the sorting process begins

4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature

Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-

ogy Organics outside of North Plains about

twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about

twelve miles north of Corvallis

5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household

items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material

in roads

6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader

then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time

is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer

stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a

three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty

no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush

plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo

According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the

garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material

The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is

often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per

minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to

an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the

plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity

powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM

Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland

Waste fromSouthwestPortland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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25 FallWinter 2015 Move

1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in

winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period

in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a

twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source

TriMet)

HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make

every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-

tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed

Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-

age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo

In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin

Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the

new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue

represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even

signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from

the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles

per hour depending on the time of day

The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars

buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic

signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and

emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one

hundred intersections throughout Portland

Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North

Williams today reflects a different wave of development and

demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share

the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to

bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes

to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density

residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG

Traffic on North Williams Avenue

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities26

Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect

changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-

erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed

law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or

rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already

passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a

referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather

than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-

ers approved this system in 1902

This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an

initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on

a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided

driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal

documentation of US citizenship status

1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three

ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)

Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text

of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall

issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to

provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)

2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-

tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)

3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of

Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative

petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State

Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal

Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)

4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is

certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults

to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88

58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold

of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to

qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-

ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without

requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to

Dec 2013)

5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88

Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor

Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)

6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51

to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails

666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-

croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered

by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed

lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move

(2003)

7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block

saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-

zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the

case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor

General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the

practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The

US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide

law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG

Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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27 FallWinter 2015 Move

SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137

983158983151983145983139983141

N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -

room closet I came across a box of old family photographs

I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color

photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-

ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five

standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie

primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos

hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-

tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against

the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But

the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a

frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat

in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple

of the Sun

A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -

graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one

end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both

L A I L A L A L A M I

Al-Mursquoallaqat

The GoldenOdes of Love

J E N W I C K S T U D I O

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Oregon Humanities28

of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels

science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-

raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to

love books so much perhaps books provided them an education

about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing

from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches

that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-

ing the reign of King Hassan

It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned

to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed

copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from

friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about

whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-

drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new

offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte

which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne

Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others

Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les

petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why

the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion

Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which

the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to

either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan

tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three

Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords

and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo

Of course none of the characters in these books looked or

spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly

all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan

bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their

homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my

own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they

had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary

world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an

alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define

normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like

my country my imagination had been colonized

I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly

the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-

acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the

fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled

my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high

school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes

where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-

yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as

well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father

said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it

was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted

D RISS C H RAI BI

LA

CI VI LISA TIO N

MA M E R E

PAR

ALEXANDRE DUMAS

Taha Hussein

THE

DA YS

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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29 FallWinter 2015 Move

When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same

school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum

el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine

At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were

taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled

with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still

the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-

language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from

the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi

al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the

Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese

Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-

moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some

of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved

each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a

classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-

els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan

authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-

tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren

It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read

adult literature on my own and independently from school that

I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-

ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos

La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a

sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin

Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book

that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment

of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read

lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was

as fertile ground for fiction as any other

And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature

nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in

French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after

all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-

latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss

Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was

ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a

particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made

it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I

was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train

in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco

medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-

ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my

hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat

or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-

matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely

be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study

linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in

a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in

an analytica l way

Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in

Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship

to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait

I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and

racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School

of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work

of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went

back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how

often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes

Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in

our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in

formal soireacutees French was de rigueur

Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-

guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles

and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in

English which made me think even more about the relationship

between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a

prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power

an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people

The education I had received had emphasized the importance

of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our

media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the

shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed

in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored

by the French government for free access to books The role of

Every time I went back

to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much

and how often we moved

between French and

Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not

went through life

switching between codes

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Oregon Humanities30

French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a

cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no

longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case

of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should

not be writing at all

I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish

after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried

to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of

me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that

stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have

immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the

native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow

me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred

to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic

languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought

Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my

days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use

English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the

linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh

perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a

child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-

gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the

same story

I have always written because I have always had the urge to

tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided

that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-

thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my

race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-

larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while

the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and

waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had

enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos

phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-

rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat

seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of

others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the

works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s

such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in

the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and

sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing

graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had

always told stories but now I wanted to be heard

This essay was first published in World Literature Today

Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami

Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The

Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The

Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy

Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for

Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016

Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16

and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for

more information and to buy tickets

Writing in French came

at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial

baggage that I no longer

wanted to carry I started

to suffer from a peculiar

case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic

perhaps I should not be

writing at all

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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31 FallWinter 2015 Move

A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good

LORETTA STINSON

I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M

every day after work waiting for Bruce to

get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching

myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me

sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on

from a distance at whatever is happening to

me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie

and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-

kick of the star or I play a supporting role but

I am definitely not the star of this movie The

moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom

just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been

able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed

freak for fifteen years

Sun through the small rectangular win-

dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats

wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in

1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from

the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom

watchi ng my past present a nd future selves

do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental

after another waiting for the next bad thing

to happen and not getting out of the way even

when I see it coming The habit of living in con-

stant fear and the resignation that nothing can

ever change are the glue that holds me in place

This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting

on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on

Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on

hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the

future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who

can only be counted on not to be counted on

In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses

and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about

J U L I A N N A B R I O N

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Oregon Humanities32

detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot

change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-

ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what

the old-timers were saying Needless to say

I didnrsquot

Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go

home and try some new strategy to make Bruce

quit using I once read a book about how sugar

was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding

him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein

diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck

them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat

and beer is a very filling meal in itself When

he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put

in front of him but speed and alcohol are his

drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-

ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never

remembers what he does to me and since he

doesnrsquot remember I have to forget

It be what it be Bruce says about all things

unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color

electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it

be Today I see things clearly for the first time

Today I see myself on this couch waiting for

someone else to do the changing Today I see

that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be

my life until the day he kills me or he dies or

I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been

disappointed too many times Addiction his to

drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove

been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot

see my part until now

My only friend has been telling me for

months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I

have left many times for a day or a week but

Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop

drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs

to me for the first time that this is absurd and a

huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe

itrsquos me who needs to change and not because

that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction

is his business

Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll

be wasted because it was payday and most of

his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-

ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood

alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or

hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how

those will interact with his mood the kind of

day he had and if hersquos eaten

None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for

such a long time that I could Like every person

who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that

if I did all the right things I would figure out a

way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on

his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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33 FallWinter 2015 Move

I worked like some kind of crazy statistician

making up story problems to predict what he

might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job

and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without

eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito

at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos

left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going

to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-

ing home mistakes his second wife for his first

wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out

Please show your work

I have never been able to figure out the rec-

ipe for equilibrium His or mine

Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce

comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not

wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face

slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat

the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says

Itrsquos not really a question but I answer

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him

clearly for the first time I see his addiction in

action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have

nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest

thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can

do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look

at him for too long when hersquos been drinking

kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash

you just back away slowly and try not to piss

him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows

too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how

little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs

to believe because he has to be mad at some-

one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom

just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by

the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about

nothing that it was never my face that pissed

him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He

needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave

to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do

no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a

revelation

He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you

looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on

the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-

spread that covers its stained sagging cush-

ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier

mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore

afraid when hersquos like this and they should be

Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that

hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what

if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities34

dead or at least not living just existing on the

edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story

Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom

suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am

afraid of being killed

I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to

make a home The china teacups that I str ung

together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks

in the window like a mobile The plants my

booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the

sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the

bed my dad and I refinished before I left home

The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday

The fifteen years of history we have together

one year short of half my life tonight not all of

it bad He is no monster just a man struggling

wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to

face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo

He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo

He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo

Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He

screams them at me knowing how in the past

these are the very words that made me cling to

him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go

Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but

this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest

the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about

his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does

Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom

seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man

Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried

to help for his own good right This man Irsquove

tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody

made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when

I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself

Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the

usual responseI know three things tonight Number one

If I stay this will be my life until I die Number

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Oregon Humanities36

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37 FallWinter 2015 Move

M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN

he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline

somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and

believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he

turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean

for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees

in rows

My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home

at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York

City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for

rows of buildings

ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says

In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark

skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the

Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n

My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I

met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo

My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too

often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance

of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He

was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister

a year later

My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my

father a suit They seem happy in the picture

Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put

half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband

My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years

My grandmother died

All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a

life rocked with waves

P A I G E

V I C K E R S

JASON ARI AS

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Oregon Humanities38

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have

let that slip through thecracksrdquo

My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes

My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why

Grandma was hiding

Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here

To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-

vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where

we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We

have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo

I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened

My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next

closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed

a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time

tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the

process

Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends

Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his

giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist

until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again

We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in

the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-

ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-

lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be

Ama zons)

The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door

I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour

feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean

ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said

We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not

about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same

ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As

kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon

I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower

water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the

high tide after being beached again and again

One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom

decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia

One of my new Olympian friends flicked a

match that started a fire inside my mattress I

tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking

Mom came home and we put the burning

bed outside

This isnrsquot a metaphor

I slept on the floor of my bedroom that

night missing the ocean of Grayland while my

mom and sister shared their bed in the room

next to mine The next morning my mattress

was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-

ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a

popular song on the radio at the time One of us

would start singing the lyrics

How can we dance when our earth is turning

and then wersquod all join in

How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh

But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame

Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-

land That no matter how many times we

were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty

porous flotation device on which to try to

reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe

even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the

way we did as something gia nt and limit less

something to be feared and conquered some-

thing to be moved by

In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a

flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called

my name and the light receded back down the

hall disappearing into the living room and

slipping out the front door

We discovered that the flickering light had

left wax shapes on the carpet of our living

room that could have been bad pentagrams or

the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It

left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot

take any money It left us wondering if some

past boyfriend had found us somehow

Whi le we were out the next day somebody

hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment

door Mom winced at the divots denting the

wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing

mechanism once was with her hand

We left the dishes in the sink

We left no forwarding address

We boarded a bus

Two days later we were on the doorstep of

the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with

a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my

backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase

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39 FallWinter 2015 Move

in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever

received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer

trophies in the other

At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude

who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-

thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been

there were two concave smooth-skinned div-

ots She was always smiling I liked watching

how Jude listened

Before long the four of us moved into an

apartment between Portland and Gresham It

was right on the MAX line and right on the city

line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-

landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign

that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block

to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch

my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but

Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the

perfect space for her She said it was easier for

her to know where everything was in a smaller

environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond

than an ocean

One day Jude brought her new boyfriend

home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo

ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said

Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor

and said ldquo White peoplerdquo

I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was

wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what

ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to

a blind person

Red is the rage in your gut

White is the entrapment of the disabled

One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend

and her room became a closet again

We saw her a little and then not at all

Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to

Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally

almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of

my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday

cards and pictures that were inside it

Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-

day cards away

My wife and I began archiving our new fam-

ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with

the rest of them Our sons grew I became an

uncle My grandfather remarried and went

crazy My mother still has the same smile she

had when I was young

Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a

bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple

of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary

There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help

you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear

Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie

each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out

If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads

directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end

points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably

guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock

between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled

and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long

by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of

human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of

the Mayan calendar

In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and

I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of

the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam

When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-

land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else

ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says

one night while wersquore lying in bed

And I do

I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that

had to happen I listen to our breath

In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I

make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My

finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving

And then the line disappears

And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and

falling together

Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the

Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life

Poems and Stories of the Dead

If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between

Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities40

READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts

One hundred moves and not one of

them associated with the military

a job or being on the run

The Ledger

Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G

through a yard sale I picked up an old

ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-

ance Company of New York A large thin hard-

bound ledger black with a red spine eleven

inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by

insurance agents to track insurers and their

policies all entries written by hand There was

only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty

cents the rest of the pages were blank After

years of treasuring its antiquity but making

no entries of my own I tore the one used page

out and decided to start tracking al l my moves

before my memory lost track I sat down and

recorded all the moves I remembered over one

hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my

parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them

associated with the military a job or being on

the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-

derlust and exploration then relationships

and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad

landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just

being unable as a single parent to bear the rent

and high heating bills Once my oldest son and

I landed in a decent house that could hold us

indefinitely After three months I was drawn to

cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted

to gather them touch them fill their empti-

ness with our lives When I realized what was

going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in

that house for two years then moved to Hawai i

Now the kids are grown the grandkids are

teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos

no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-

foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a

semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided

me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she

said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo

As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot

out of my feet and sink into the ground I was

so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here

three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot

want to move

What have I lea rned th rough al l these

moves Adaptability being and living in the

now and that there is glory in both staying and

moving but it is much easier and cheaper to

stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland

Out of the Nest

I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E

back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze

tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last

time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex

where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs

Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot

stepped inside the apartment for eight months

To do so would risk my life

ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-

tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February

I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following

weekmdashfor six months

Left behind with Michael were our surro-

gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy

and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned

starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier

It was last October when I first developed

symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-

ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse

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41 FallWinter 2015 Move

This is where the plates layers of crust

crashed into each other in a fiery show

perhaps tens of thousands of years ago

Soon breathing was excruciating I took

shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain

Paralyzing fatigue set in

My endocrinologist suspected chronic

obstructive pulmonary disease which made

little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I

began scouring descriptions of lung conditions

Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity

pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung

Relief and terror flooded in

If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-

monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a

terminal condition in which scarring causes

respiratory failure within three to five years

Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif

caught early But the solution is drastic We

would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-

ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even

be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the

parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would

have a new ending

Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms

lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper

grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-

pice moments before plummeting

Today we are moving the last of our belong-

ings into our first house The kitties and birdies

have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed

While I cannot hold my babies I watch them

on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the

two-way speaker

From rescue feedings to teenage angst to

nighttime vigils during illness in caring for

these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging

from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety

Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey

take their first tentative steps toward flight

Today I learned the most painful lesson let-

ting go

MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene

Subduction Zones

T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK

were on an af ternoon in early Septem-

ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for

the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper

and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our

ankles

Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-

berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend

and is directly responsible for the creation of

Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back

then one that I sometimes imagined looked

like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus

Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of

the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale

their name suggests but the result of plates

shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-

tion led to the formation of the trio This is

where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into

each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-

sands of years ago Subduction zones are places

where great trauma lies

And here I was all these years later in the

shadows of these mountains loss everywhere

Later that day back at our apartment we

walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit

into anymore For more than a year we went

through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern

Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that

followed us Then one day our four-year-old

daughter started a conversation that shook me

ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo

I nodded

ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so

sadrdquo

Six words leapt at me

ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo

We moved back to Ash land where brig ht

red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-

hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot

know it then but we were charting our own

map however imperfect Healing crept up on

us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-

ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew

Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng

up the darkness Seventeen years passed

And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most

folks want to flee helps you see things more

clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in

its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along

VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland

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Oregon Humanities42POSTS

continued from previous page

Just to

underscore

how settled we

planned to be

we unpacked

EverythingEven the

heirloom china

which had never

before left its

boxes We were

here to stay

Dance Church

SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I

go to church Dance church A church

where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers

to recite A church where at first glance outsid-

ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon

arriving I see a few little munchkins running

around with oversize neon headphones on to

protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music

set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with

rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors

There are flowers candles pillow puddles

beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some

kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in

alignment with the morningrsquos intention

As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s

become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-

tainer in which I can move once again after

years of chronic freezing and dissociating A

trapped animal released back into the wild

wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom

in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism

evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with

anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our

spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist

The music awakens the holy spirit within

me and dances me through throngs of people

I am an antelope cut loose checking out the

creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns

bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms

Each stunning in their authentic movement I

see people falling in love with each other from

a distance I see a girl rocking four different

Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed

like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands

ldquopracticing dancingrdquo

This is the church of Miriam the biblical

tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of

years later I move here and I am reunited with

my self my best self my most curious mischie-

vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self

Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten

invited back in the room to whip her hair back

and forth I throw my head back in delight and

laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like

hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form

of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music

EMILY I BEDAL Portland

Again

M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R

upwardly mobile engineer That trans-

lated into at least one move per year until I was

eight and another address for high school I

moved every year in college one year twice I

moved three times during my first stint in Bos-

ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-

ment for the whole two years Then it was back

to Boston where I lived in five different homes

in five years

Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for

the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe

two years back East then back to New Mexico

in two different cities three different homes

Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates

what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo

From Albuquerque we moved to our present

home in Port Orford my thirt ieth

Moving has always been exciting cathar-

tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books

by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally

donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-

ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated

magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets

ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit

thatrsquos never happened In each new house

wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos

never worked

We vowed Port Orford would be our final

ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore

how settled we planned to be we unpacked

Everything Even the heirloom china which

had never before left its boxes We were here

to stay

Except it seems wersquore going to have to move

again but not for the exciting futures wersquod

always envisioned before Now we need doctors

and hospitals and a nearby airport for family

visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is

on the other side of adventure Now we need a

place to feel safe secure

So the sorting and throwing out is about to

begin yet again There are closets and drawers

that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to

dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of

booksmdashto give away This move exciting No

way The very thought of it exhausts me

Still those other feelings cathartic freeing

new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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43 FallWinter 2015 Move

Next theme Root

For the Spring 2016 issue tell

us your stories about rooting

around taking root being

uprooted or root-bound getting

to the root of a problem being

the root of the problem rooting

someone on Share stories and

ideas about beginnings origins

and foundations Analyze a

historical or contemporary

grassroots effort Describe

the tension between staying

put and being stuck Send your

submission (400 words maxi-

mum) by February 15 2016 to

postsoregonhumanitiesorg

Submissions may be edited for

space or clarity

Listen to Your Body

I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y

motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease

Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit

and spot-on timing Though she was confined

to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was

still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her

sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-

cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone

have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but

aching joints diminished strength and a fal-

tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back

Those maladies werenrsquot the result of

chronic disease More like lack of exercise At

some point in the past decade or so I developed

an aversion to any fitness routine That choice

has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo

class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community

Center

Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the

center for the past thirty-six years teaches

the dance-infused workout three days a week

Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at

the core of each class She dispenses praise as

we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform

deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements

and she encourages each of us to breathe and

listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably

youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying

ballet seriously By then her versatility as an

actress singer dancer and comedian had been

evident in community theater productions in

the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although

not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few

years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe

continues to lead a full life She can still stand

and press her palms flat to the floor despite

relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip

notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg

and stretch at the barre

A role model for agi ng wit h presence and

dignity Lynn maintains her considerable

charm and elegance and purposely keeps her

body and mind active Like my mother she

is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has

inspired me to accept what my body can do

today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow

Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for

getting up in the morning And by some mea-

sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE

Portland

Over the Hill

I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D

eleven times in three years I worked spring

through fall as a natural history guide in

Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure

where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned

into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply

moved around A lot With each new tempo-

rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked

clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was

nothing

At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the

person who would become my life partner

another seasonal worker We would move from

Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We

lived one magical off-season on a houseboat

on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the

ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught

me I loved wide-open spaces What could be

wider than the Pacific A fter one more season

of guiding I came back to the coast and decided

to stay

I volunteered my way into one steady job

and eventually landed another at the local

college After a few more seasons my partner

came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota

and we bought another together He built a

business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our

hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and

had a child Wersquod officially settled down

The economic hardships of rural living

however are real job opportunities decline

and can no longer support the life wersquove built

The accumulation of years no longer fits into

the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner

took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast

and we lived as a split family The split was tax-

ing though so we decided to make the move

to the city We left the first community of our

adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven

ourselves The only community our daughter

has even known Friends asked me not to go

Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart

still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the

sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes

at the memory of that moon over Tillamook

Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot

nothingmdashitrsquos every thing

NANCY SLAVIN Portland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities44

Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm

LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015

This intertwined story of two

teenage girls and their mothers

is set in New Orleans during

and after Hurricane Katrina

In her debut novel Urbani an

Oregon writer with Southern

roots brings a maternal touch

to the narrative handling trag-

edy with a careful soulfulness

and love This honest yet brutal

story will simultaneously break

and warm your heart

mdashAnnie Kaffen

At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015

Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French

Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the

Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural

French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-

tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans

and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a

snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland

Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015

Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the

Oregon physician and radicalrsquos

extraordinary experiences

from her early years working in

a textile mill in New Bedford

Massachusetts through her

activist years in Oregon includ-

ing a three-year term at San

Quentin State Prison Equi lived

openly as a lesbian beginning in

the 1890s and was one of the

first practicing female doctors

in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and

compassion for others with a

strong personal belief in social

and economic justice

mdashCarole Shel lhart

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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45 FallWinter 2015 Move

People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015

This debut collection from

Portland writer Margaret

Malone is filled with brief

bitterly funny stories about the

sort of people who tie them-

selves in knots in their heads

and feel uncomfortable in their

own skin and can never quite

bring themselves to say the

words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point

includes all of us

mdashBen Waterhouse

The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015

Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer

The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with

Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research

for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the

first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of

revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced

a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer

in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he

writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo

mdashMaggie Starr

To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for

Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon

Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205

Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe

Sasquatch Books 2015

Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter

Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt

to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography

in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers

a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden

rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance

sounds smells and much more

mdashBen Waterhouse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities46

Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson

February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum

1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg

CROPPINGS

Wendy Red Star Untitled

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities programs are

funded by the National Endowment

for the Humanities and the Oregon

Cultural Trust and by contributions from

individuals foundations community

organizations and corporations For

more information about Oregon

Humanities or to learn how you can help

more Oregonians get together share

ideas listen think and grow please

contact us at

921 SW Washington Street Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax

(503) 241-0024

ohmoregonhumanitiesorg

oregonhumanitiesorg

Staff

e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r

Adam Davis

facilitation and tra ining manager

Rachel Bernstein

communicationsprogram associate

Eloise Holland

editorassociate director

Kathleen Holt

development director

Kamla Hurst

program officer

Annie Kaffen

office manager

Mikaela Schey

director of finance and oper ations

Carole Shellhart

development associate

Maggie Starr

communications associate

Ben Waterhouse

program coordinator

Kyle Weismann-Yee

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Board of Directorsch a i r

Sona Karentz Andrews Portland

v ic e ch a i r

Janet Webster Newport

tr e a s u r e r

Jeff Cronn Portland

secretary

Matthew Boulay Salem

Paul Duden Portland

Kimberly Howard Portland

Nels Johnson Portland

Emily Karr Portland

Shannon Mara Bend

Win McCormack Portland

Alberto Moreno Portland

Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego

Ron Paul Portland

Denise Reed Astoria

Chantal Strobel Bend

Dave Weich Portland

Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED

Non-profit Org

US Postage

PAID

Permit No 1274

Portland OR

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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7 FallWinter 20157

Want to keepup with thehumanities inOregon

bull Visit oregonhumanitiesorg

to sign up for our monthly

enewsletter

bull Like us on Facebook

bull Follow us on Twitter

On also performed a scene from the play

W ha t st art ed as a conv er sati on ab out

what makes Por tland hip hop unique evolved

into a discussion that touched on everything

from redliningmdashthe practice of denying mort-

gages to people who live in certai n areas based

on the racial makeup of those areasmdashto the

Telecommunications Act of 1996 to what itrsquos

like to be an artistmdashparticularly an artist of

colormdashin Portland

Ithica Tell an actress who performs the

role of the Selector in How We Got On talked

about the difficulty of seeing hip hop music

thrive in the Northwest while the black cul-

ture that created it is rejected ldquoItrsquos hard

for black culture and communities to take

root when theyrsquore not nurturedrdquo she saidreferencing an 1857 exclusion clause in

Oregonrsquos constitution that prohibited black

people from living in t he state and that wasnrsquot

repealed until 1926

Alexander who is relati vely new to Port-

land was excited by the opportunity to have

people in a room talking about a topic hersquos

passionate about and one thatmdashespecially

when it comes to the Pacific Nor thwestmdashhersquos

still learning about himself ldquoIn this age of

the Internet we all think we know every-

thing but we donrsquot Itrsquos a living historyrdquo hesaid ldquoItrsquos important that we understand our

environment and the way we start to do that

is by talking to each otherrdquo

ELOISE HOLLAND

Pints and PulitzersThink amp Drink 2016 brings Pulitzer Prize

winners to Oregon

OR E G O N H U M A N I T I E S rsquo T H I N K amp

Drink series will feature Pulitzer Prize

winners and fina lists in eight events around

Oregon in 2016 Conversations with four

renowned writers will take place in Portland

Astoria Bend and Eugene

Think amp Drink which sparks provoca-

tive conversations about big ideas began as a

happy-hour event at a Portland bar in 2009

Alt hough it has since grow n t o fi ll larger ven-

ues the series remains more intimate and

casual than traditional lecture programs

Past guests include Cheryl Strayed UrsulaK Le Guin and Barry Lopez While Oregon

Humanities has presented individual Think

amp Drink events outside of Portland this is

the first time the series will feature the same

guests in multiple communities

The 2016 Think amp Drink series will feature

appearances by novelist Laila Lalami in Port-

land and Bend (read her essay on page 27) jour-

nalist and novelist Heacutector Tobar in Portland

and Eugene journalist and historian Isabel

Wil kerson in Portland a nd Astoria a nd jour-nalist Katherine Boo in Portland

Think amp Drink 2016 is made possible by a

Alberta Rose Theatre 3000 NE Alberta St Portland

700ndash830 pm Doors at 600 pm

Minors with parent or guardian

Series tickets ($50$100) available now at

oregonhumanitiesorg

Think amp Drink

2016A Special Pulitzer Prize Series

FEBRUARY 16

Laila Lalami author of The Moorrsquos Account

February 17 in Bend

APRIL 19

Heacutector Tobar author of Deep Down Dark

The Untold Stories of 33 Men Buried in

a Chilean Mine and the Miracle That Set

Them Free

April 20 in Eugene

JULY 20

Isabel Wilkerson author of The Warmth of

Other Suns The Epic Story of Americarsquos

Great Migration

July 21 in Astoria

OCTOBER 19

Katherine Boo author of Behind the Beautiful

Forevers Life Death and Hope in a

Mumbai Undercity

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities8

T H I N K amp D R I N K R E T U R N S

Oregon Humanitiesrsquo Think amp Drink

returns in 2016 engaging the public to

think and talk about big ideas Thanks

to support from the Pulitzer Centennial

Campfires Initiative this yearrsquos series

wi ll bri ng Pu lit zer Pr ize wi nne rs and

finalists to Portland Astoria Bend and

Eugene The speakers include Laila Lal-

ami Heacutector Tobar Isabel Wilkerson and

Katherine Boo See p 7 for more details

about the series

D E A R S T R A N G E R M O V E D E A R

Stranger OHrsquos letter-writing project

invites Oregonians to write a personal

letter to someone theyrsquove never met

and receive a letter in exchange To par-

ticipate write a letter inspired by thetheme ldquoMoverdquo and send it along with a

self-addressed stamped envelope and a

signed release form to Dear Stranger co

Oregon Humanities 921 SW Washington

St Suite 150 Portland Oregon 97205

Letters must be mailed by January 22

2016 to be exchanged Visit oregonhu-

manitiesorg for complete guidelines and

to download a release form

H O S T A C O N V E R S A T I O N P R O J E C T

Oregon nonprofits and community

groups can apply until January 31 2016

to host Conversation Project discussions

in the spring and summer Visit oregon-

humanitiesorg for more information

and look out for the application window

for 2016ndash17 conversation leaders open-

ing in January

W E L C O M E N E W B O A R D M E M B E ROregon Humanities is pleased to

announce the election of Shannon Mara

to the board of directors this September

Mara has worked in business manage-

ment and consulting in Oregon since

1994 She works with Volunteers in Medi-

cine and Sudara Corp and also serves on

the boards of directors for Opportunity

Knocks and 1859 Media LLC

N E H C E L E B R A T E S F I F T Y Y E A R S

The National Endowment for the

Humanities one of the largest funders

of humanities programs in the country

makes Oregon Humanitiesrsquo work pos-

sible This year the NEH celebrates fifty

years of achievement Since its inception

in 1965 the organization has awarded

63000 grants totaling $53 billion in

order to strengthen teaching research

and lifelong learning around the nation

Oregon Humanities News

$30000 grant from the Pu litzer Prize Centen-

nial Campfires Initiative a $15 million effort

to generate conversations across the country

about the impact of journalism and humanities

on our lives in observation of the hundredth

presentation of the annual awards The Pulit-

zer Prizes established by newspaper publisher

Joseph Pulitzer in his will recognize excel-

lence in journalism letters and music

Season tickets to the Portland events which

will take place at the Alberta Rose Theatre are

available now at albertarosetheatrecom Tick-

ets for events outside of Portland will be avail-

able through local venues

BEN WATERHOUSE

Power and PlaceOregon Humanities launches a project to

explore land loss by communities of color

A F T E R R E C E I V I N G A N O V E R W H E L M -

ingly enthusiastic response to the video

Future Portland Kathleen Holtmdashwho coordi-

nated the production of the video for Oregon

Humanitiesmdashknew there were more stories

like this one that needed telling The video

which wa s made by ma gazi ne contr ibutor

Ifanyi Bell and Brushfire Creative Partners

tells the story of loss and hope in Portlandrsquos

black communities It was powerful Holt says

because it showed the effects of displacement

on people and how that experience feels

Inspired by the impact the video had on

Oregonians Oregon Humanities is launch-

ing a new multimedia project that will collect

and connect stories about the loss of lands and

power by communities of color Combining

technology arts and the humanities the proj-

ect will culminate in a website featuring videos

photos maps timelines graphics words and

other content created by artists and writers of

color to express Oregonrsquos stories of land and

power loss as well as peoplersquos responses to this

loss including thriving and resistance

Holt says the goal of this undertak ing is toshare with Oregonians the sometimes hidden

histories and contributions of communities

of color ldquoItrsquos important for citizens t o under-

stand how the world takes shape around us

Once we have that awareness we can take

steps to change and improve our communityrdquo

she says By creating a space to express many

different stories side by side Oregon Human-

ities aims to help build a broader understand-

ing of how policies and legislation influence

systems of power and landownership in Ore-

gonrsquos past a nd present

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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9 FallWinter 2015

Joaquin LopezThis project which is made possible by a

$110000 grant from the Creative Heights Ini-

tiative of the Oregon Community Foundation

wi ll create a place for ar tis ts and writer s of

color to share their work and will invite more

stories Holt says ldquoThis project is just the

beginning We hope to create a place for these

kinds of stories to live and be shared By set-

ting up this place other stories will come to usrdquo

The website is expected to launch in January

2017 To watch Future Portland visit oregon-

humanitiesorg

JULIA WITHERS

The Power of Story

Idea Lab guest inspires students to find meaningin stories

W H E N M U S I C I A N A N D C O M M U N I T Y

advocate Joaquin Lopez is able to con-

vince yout h that they have the power to make

their own lives meaningful he says ldquothey

become the owners of their own experiencerdquo

This summer Lopez shared his story with 120

rising high school seniors from around the

state at Oregon Humanitiesrsquo Idea Lab Sum-

mer Institute

A Partnership to Promote PublicConversation Around Palliative Care

The Cambia Health Foundation is proud to partner with Oregon Humanities to

help communities across Oregon talk about what maers most

Learn more at oregonhumanitiesorg

R U S S E L L

J Y O U N G

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities10

FundersKeep OregonListeningLearning andExploring

Thanks to the support of

our generous funders

Oregon Humanities

brings tens of thousands

of Oregonians togethermdash

face-to-face online and

on the pagemdashto talk

listen and learn from one

another The following

funders have recently

offered support to make

Oregon a more dynamic

and vital place to live

bull The Oregon Community

Foundation $110000

Creative Heights grant

to pursue a multimedia

project that explores land

loss by communities of

color in Oregon

bull The Maybelle Clark

Macdonald Fund

$20000 for matching

new and increased dona-tions over the last year

bull The Rose E Tucker

Charitable Trust $6500

for Conversation Project

bull Emily Georges Gott-

fried Fund $2000 for a

pilot project training high

school students to lead

community conversations

bull Union Bank of California

Foundation $2000 for

Humanity in Perspective

Idea Lab is a three-day program that brings

Oregon teachers and high school juniors

together to explore the pursuit of happiness

and how it shapes our world Students from

diverse communities and economic back-

grounds engage with big ideas through work-

shops lectures films and conversations This

year the weekend concluded with a special pre-

sentation by Lopez

Incorporating personal narrative lecture

and Latin American folk music into his perfor-

mance Lopez focused on the power of stories

to connect people to history themselves and

the world Lopez shared with Idea Lab students

how he came to terms with his ow n identity as

a queer Latino man by realizing that hersquos the

author of his own story and the creator of his

own happiness Students gave Lopez a stand-

ing ovation they appreciated his honesty

openness and confidence Courtney Ford astudent from De La Salle North Catholic High

School commented ldquoHe left the audience with

ldquoAt Idea Lab I learned to see

the world not just as what it was

but as what it could berdquomdashMark Delgado Oregon Humanities Idea Lab alumnus (2010) and counselor (2015)

Help more Oregonians connect to life-changing ideas

Visit giveguideorgoregonhumanities to make a gift

through the Willamette Week rsquos 2015 GiveGuide

inspiration to truly be themselvesrdquo

Lopez believes in the potential of the

humanities to engage and empower people In

his work with youth at the Latino Networkmdash

a nonprofit with locations in Portland and

Gresham that promotes social change by unit-

ing the Latino communitymdashLopez manages

Studio Latino an after-school program that

focuses on Latin American arts and culture

The program was piloted last spring and this

year it will enter Reynolds High School in

Troutdale Gresham High School and Alder

Elementary in Portland Lopez works to incor-

porate themes of perseverance personal char-

acter and cultural identity into the program so

that students can bring those values with them

beyond high school

For Lopez creating spaces where youth can

be themselves and connect with each other is

a powerful way to make change ldquoStories havethe capacity to heal they remind us that we are

all in this togetherrdquo

JULIA WITHERS

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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11 FallWinter 2015 FROM THE DIRECTOR

W H E N I W A S FIVE A ND L IVING IN A

small Minnesota city my fatherrsquos par-

ents visited from New York On Sunday morn-

ing we went as usual to Perkins where I did

what my parents had prepared me to do I asked

for pancakes but no bacon With enthusiasm

and pride I told my grandparentsmdashMoshe and

Lottie to most people Saba and Sabtah to memdash

that because they were there I was only having

pancakes no bacon

Two decades later I went to visit the fam-

ily of the woman who is now my wife While

most of the family ate snappy cheese and corn

pudding inside the Millersburg Kentucky

home my wifersquos fatherrsquos mother asked me on

the back porch what my belief was about Jesus

Christ She listened to the first tepid sentence

of my response and thanked me and walked

into the kitchen to urge her granddaughter to

be careful

A few years ago I went with my wife and

kids to the funeral of my wifersquos motherrsquos third

husband in a Southern Baptist church in a

small town in South Carolina In a departurefrom the churchrsquos usual practice a well-

known local musician sang ldquoImaginerdquo Two

of the three eulogies were delivered from the

altar by gay men When the preacher led us in

prayer and song my kids and I and I think my

wife were silent We knew neither the words

nor the tune

My kids now ten and eight tell people who

ask that they are both Christian and Jewish I

suspect my grandparents and my wifersquos grand-

parents would have said they are neither

I donrsquot think my kids know that they are a

thoroughly contemporary diluted amalgam

of Presbyterian Southern Baptist and Jew

Therersquos Scotch-Irish and English and Lithu-

anian and Polish in there Therersquos Kentucky

and Alabama and New York and Israel and

Minnesota and Chicago Therersquos other stuff

too They see themselves as OregoniansIn a short essay thatrsquos been on my mind re-

cently the author Toureacute thinks through how

he will raise children with his soon-to-be wife

He writes that it will be his job not hers to

bring blackness into the home He tries in his

essay to figure out what that could mean but

he seems certain that the job belongs to him

Earlier this fall at the Confederated Tribes

of Grand Rondersquos Third Annual History and

Culture Summit there was a good deal of

attention to cultural inheritancemdashwhat we

receive and what we pass on Several peoplespoke of thinking seven generations back and

seven generations forward I canrsquot go back four

and find the looking forward even hardermdashand

there we were thinking about this at just the

third-annual summit an old culture becoming

new again

This summit got me thinking about how

the more pressure your culture is undermdashthe

more persecution and threat it suffersmdashthe

more likely you may be to think carefully about

preserving it recognizing it passing it on

One thing thatrsquos been passed on to me is

an undiluted commitment to questions This

time of year with the holidays and their vari-

ous rituals upon us my big question is about

what Toureacute calls his job

Merry or happy or bountiful or blessed

whatever everyone and also this what of

what yoursquove received do you want to pass on

What would you be fine leaving behind And

what can you do to transmit the good stuff

inherited or acquired later seven generations

hence

What We Pass On

A DA M DAV IS

K I M N

G U Y E N

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities12

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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13 FallWinter 2015 Move

Whose StateIs This

Legal measures targeting LatinoOregonians reflect fears of change

I N TH E A U TU MN O F 1 980 TE R E S A A L O NS O L E O NrsquoS FA TH E R DE C IDE D TO TA KE A

rare day off from working in the fields near Clackamas to bring his daughters to what he thought

was a publ ic pa rk Alonso Leon who was five and her sister played catch their feet crunchingfallen leaves as they ran across the grass Then a car pulled up The driver got out and shouted at

Alonso Leonrsquos father The man spoke in English but her father spoke only SpanishmdashAlonso Leon

too They had only recently arrived from the southern state of Michoacaacuten Mexico to their new

home in Oregon The man grew more agitated gesturing and raising his voice until her father

gathered the girls and left

ldquoIt was a golf course or someplace people didnrsquot want kids playingrdquo Alonso Leon who is now

forty-one recalls ldquoMy father couldnrsquot read the signs and we had no idea what the man was saying

But the way the man spoke to my father that just stuck with merdquo

Alonso Leonrsquos fami ly are modern-day Movers people who made Oregon their destination of

hope for prosperity renewal and survival But her family would not have fit the original ideal

Movers was the nineteenth-century nickname for settlers who drove west in covered wagons

ldquoRestlessness was their dominant traitrdquo historian Malcolm Clark Jr wrote in his 1981 book Eden

Seekers ldquoThe gene of it was passed from father to son as a part of the act of procreation The fron-

tier was constantly reproducing itselfrdquo

For centuries the new Oregonians worked to make sure the reproducing gene was white W hen

it won statehood in 1859 Oregon was part of the anti-slavery Northmdashif only because its constitu-

tion excluded blacks from living within the statersquos borders (The provision wasnrsquot removed until

1926) Native tribes were shuffled to reservations and Chinese workers were attacked by white

residents in Oregon City La Grande and several other communities

The twentieth-century brought more hostility In 1920 state law required non-English news-

papers to print English translations Portlandrsquos black population swelled when the cityrsquos ship-

yards expanded during World War II and city leaders segregated African Americans in North

and Northeast Portland neighborhoods and nearby Vanport a slapdash public housing project ina floodplain near the Columbia River The state didnrsquot outlaw discrimination in housing restau-

rants hotels and other accommodations until the 1950s

BRENT WALTH

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities14

Oregon can no longer look in a mirror and see a bleached face

staring back In 1980 the first year the first year the CensusBureau included ldquoHispanicrdquo as a n ethnic category fewer than 7

percent of people in the state identified themselves as anything

other than ldquowhiterdquo Now according to the most recent Census

numbers nearly one quarter identify a s something other than

ldquowhite alonerdquo

The definition of what it means to be an Oregonian has

shifted as the state has seen immigrants from Asia Eastern

Europe and Africa The biggest shift has been in the statersquos

Latino population which has grown five times faster than the

state as a whole According to the Census 125 percent of the

population now identifies as Hi spanic or Latino Several cities

now count Latinos as the majority

One of those cities is Woodburn a Marion County town of

24000 where Alonso Leon now serves as a member of the city

council and where an acceptance of languages other than Eng-

lish has helped the community deal with change ldquoIf you donrsquot

have that you instead have misunderstanding and mispercep-

tions about other peoplerdquo Alonso Leon says ldquoWersquore not sitting

down together often enough as it isrdquo

Oregon has become a state of many languages But a small

effective and (many say) xenophobic group is pushing to put

a measure on the 2016 ballot that would declare English as the

statersquos official language Oregonians will need to decide if fear will divide the state over race ethnicity and how we talk to each

other

JIM LUDWICK SEES A DAY WHEN AMERICANS WILL BE

expected to speak both English and Spanish It worries him

ldquoBeing a bilingual country is breaking down people accord-

ing to where they came from rather than encouraging everyone

to be unitedrdquo Ludwick says ldquoItrsquos a tragedy waiting to happenrdquo

Ludwick a retired pharmaceuticals salesman from McMin-

nville is cofounder of Oregonians for Immigration Reform

which is pushing the Engl ish-only measure Since its found-

ing in 2000 the group has argued that the federal govern-

mentrsquos failure to enforce immigration laws has wreaked havoc

on the country The g roup opposes any government privileges

for undocumented residents including schools and health

care Oregonians for Immigration Reform he says favors the

deportation of anyone the government discovers is living in the

country illegally That includes the estimated 120000 undocu-

mented people living in Oregonmdasha number thatrsquos actually fallen

in recent years ldquoThis country was founded on the rule of lawrdquoLudwick says ldquoWersquore now seeing people openly violating our

immigration laws while try ing to impose new laws on usrdquo

For years Oregonians for Immigration Reform wasnrsquot taken

seriously in Salem or seen as a political threat Its leadersrsquo ten-

dency to broadbrush Latinos leaves many people uncomfort-

able When asked about immigration for example Ludwick

steers the conversation to ldquoillegalsrdquo stealing Social Security

numbers Mexicans run ning drugs a nd undocumented resi-

dents committing other crimes

The Southern Poverty Law Center a Montgomery Ala-

bamandashbased watchdog on issues of discrimination maintains a

nationwide list of ldquonativist extremistrdquo groups it says go beyondadvocating on immigration policy to targeting immigrants

themselves Oregonians for Immigration Reform is one of nine-

teen groups on the organizationrsquos nationwide list

Ludwick says this characterization of his group is unfair ldquoIf

I even question our immigration policies then Irsquom a racistrdquo he

says ldquoThatrsquos not it at all I want the United States to be a great

country that welcomes people from all over as we always have

But itrsquos foolish to think it will be i f we continue with our immi-

gration policiesrdquo

The grouprsquos status as an outsidermdashand its leaderrsquos view of its

place in Oregon politicsmdashchanged in 2014

Oregon once had relatively lax laws when it came to granting

driversrsquo licenses Starting in 2008 the state legislature required

proof of citizenship or legal residency such as a Social Security

number or other papers Latino groups (long courted by the

Democrats who run Salem) spent the next five years pushing

to overturn the law They succeeded in 2013 when lawmakers

established a ldquodriverrsquos cardrdquo for residents who could not prove

they were in the country legally

Oregonians for Immigration Reform fought the new law by

gathering the 58000 signatures needed to put the question on

the November 2014 ballot A ldquoyesrdquo vote would uphold the leg-

islaturersquos actions Backers including some farm groups saidthe measure was practical and compassionate But the mea-

sure became a proxy for frustration about the nationrsquos broken

The definition of what

it means to be anOregonian has shiftedas the state has seenimmigrants from AsiaEastern Europe and Africa The biggest shifthas been in the statersquos

Latino population which has grown fivetimes faster than thestate as a whole

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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15 FallWinter 2015 Move

immigration system and Oregon voters crushed the measure

two to one

The victory Ludwick says shows Oregonians agree with his

grouprsquos views that immigration is out of control and that the gov-

ernment should not be rewarding people who are here illegally

He says much of the country is with his groupmdashand the suc-

cess of Republican presidential candidate Donald Trumprsquos

rhetoric about immigrants is proof When he announced his

candidacy in June 2015 Trump said Mexico was dumping drug

dealers and rapists into the United States ldquoAnd some I assumerdquo

Trump added ldquoare good peoplerdquo

ldquoWhen he did thatrdquo Ludwick says ldquohe shot right up in the

polls He chose to talk about immigration because hersquos a guy who

likes leverage He knows thatrsquos a subject that appeals to regular

Americansrdquo

O R E GO N S A W ITS L A TINO P O P U L A TIO N GR O W A FTE R World War II when the United States opened its borders to bra-

ceros guest workers from Mexico who labored in the fields The

program ended in the mid-1960s but the statersquos farmers were

by then dependent on migrant workers United Farm Workers

(UFW ) leader Cesar Chavez often brought his protests to Ore-

gon denouncing the low wages unsafe conditions and abysmal

housing for many of the statersquos estimated 40000 migrant work-

ers half of whom took seasonal jobs in the Willamette Valley

The UFWrsquos actions sparked backlash against Latinos in

many places but Oregon turned away from a cultural battle In

1971 the Republican-controlled legislature passed a bill to stop

farmworkers from organizing They put intense pressure onthen-Governor Tom McCallmdasha fellow Republican who grew up

in a ranching familymdashto sign it McCall nearly did but protests

and vigils against the bill moved him (as did Chavezrsquos threats of

boycotts) and it troubled him that the state was about to deny

rights and protections for people who came here to work ldquoHellrdquo

McCall said when the bill-signing deadline approached ldquoIrsquom

going to veto that son of a bitchrdquo And he did Over the years

many migrants stopped moving around and settled in the Wil-

lamette Valley and they beckoned others from their home coun-

tries to join them

Teresa Alonso Leonrsquos family was among those who heard the

call Her parents arrived in Oregon without documentation Her

father left their home in Michoacaacuten in early 1980 and moved

to Clackamas where relatives had told him he could find bet-

ter-paying work than he had in Mexico In Oregon her parents

worked at least two jobs at a ti me often seven days a week For

four years her family lived in a ramshackle house in Gervais

without plumbing They used a n outhouse and hauled in buck-

ets of water filled from a garden hose to cook and clean In the

winter the water stored in the buckets indoors froze

Her parents wanted their children to avoid the life they had

as laborers and for Alonso Leon school was transformative She

quickly saw the need to learn Englishmdashher teachers made herrepeat first grade because she struggled with the new language

But she soon caught up and became the familyrsquos translator

during doctorrsquos visits or meetings at her school

ldquoI had to become the spokesperson for the familyrdquo she says

In 1986 Congress passed an immigration amnesty bill that

offered legal residency to 29 million people Not yet a teenager

Alonso Leon represented her parents as they met the require-

ments to earn legal status gathering work histories from past

employers studying US history and demonstrating basic Eng-

lish skills (Her parents earned legal residency that covered

Alonso Leon She became a US citizen in 2013)

Her family eventually moved to Woodburn where she

attended high school before earning her GED through a pro-

gram at the University of Oregon She went on to graduate from

Wester n Ore gon Uni versity and Portland Stat e University

where she earned a masterrsquos degree in public administration

Alonso Leon has spent most of her career looki ng for ways to

make school more avai lable to low-income students or those who

are the first in their families to attend college At Portland Com-munity College she helped develop a program to guide migrant

students in adjusting to their first year in college Today she

runs the state of Oregonrsquos GED program in the Department of

Community Colleges and Workforce Development which each

year helps 1700 students gain their high-school equivalency

Families like hers have worked here for decades paying ta xes

and working to offer their children better lives And Alonso

Leon worries that Oregon will declare its government recog-

nizes only English

ldquoIt sends the message that as a state wersquore denying that peo-

ple should be able to live here and speak their native languagerdquo

Alonso Leon says ldquo It also sends the message t hat i mmigrantsarrive and reject the language thatrsquos spoken here Thatrsquos not the

case People try to learn English because they wa nt to succeedrdquo

Alonso Leonrsquos parents still struggle with English even a fter

three decades in Oregon Mastering the language she says often

requires education and trainingmdashsomething that her parents

and many other immigra nts have lacked

ldquoMy parents worked two or three jobs at a time at low wages

all these yearsrdquo she says ldquoYou can say to my parents lsquoWhy have

you not done a better job of learning Englishrsquo The answer is

they spent all their time making sure their children were fed

and clothedrdquo

THE MEASUR E SUPPORTED BY OREGONIANS FOR IMMI-

gration Reform would if passed by voters require state and

local governments to conduct business in English Oregon

law already requires that in many cases even though Oregon

is one of nineteen states without a blanket official-language

declaration

But the Oregon measure could go beyond what other states

impose its language suggests that (with some exceptions) it

could become illegal for government agencies to provide com-

munications with the public in languages besides Englishmdash

despite the fact that 15 percent of Oregonians speak a languageother than English at home Portland Public Schools for exam-

ple prints materials for parents in several languagesmdasha practice

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities16

Ludwick says is a waste of money

Ludwick recalls an illustration he saw in a social studies text-

book he had in high school ldquoIt was of this giant cooking potrdquo

he says ldquoPeople from all over the world are jumping inmdashpeople

with sombreros and so on And in the picture Uncle Sam is stir-

ring itmdashstirring the pot the melting pot And the people who had

jumped in earlier are now climbing out dressed like Americans

They had coats and ties onrdquo

ldquoThe point isrdquo he says ldquoit was about assimilation It used to

be you come to America to become an American Not a Hispanic

American New immigrants today donrsquot want to be assimilated

They want to divide themselves off from us while imposing their

cultural beliefs on usrdquo

The threat Ludwick sees is about more than language Itrsquos

about influence and powermdashless about reforming immigration

laws than it is about forcing a cultural norm on Oregonrsquos immi-

grants His grouprsquos attention to Latinos in particular is basedin sheer numbersmdash40 percent of immigrants in Oregon were

born in Mexicomdashbut also on the success of organi zations such

as Causa Oregon to push a political agenda These groups have

had some victories including a 2013 law allowing college tuition

grants for undocumented students who attended Oregon high

schools But the doors of power have not been knocked open

The state has seen only one Latino elected official statewide

(former state schools superintendent Susan Castillo) and only

a handf ul of legislators

What Oregonians for Immigration Reform plays on is fearmdash

the fear of a non-Latino majority losing influence and facing

discrimination for not speaking Spanish In its troubled his-tory Oregon has turned on the ldquootherrdquo foreigners blacks any

faceless group accused of stealing something from the rest of us

including jobs culture andmdashnowmdashlanguage

The last thing Oregon needs is another dark chapter of rac-

ism disguised as nationalistic duty What the state could use

instead is a moment of illumination and courage

Itrsquos happened before in another context A half century ago

Oregon set out to protect its farms and forests by carefully plan-

ning for the rapid population growth that was coming Its lead-

ers (primari ly Governor Tom McCall) engaged in a long often

rending discussion about the need for land-use laws Invective

followedmdashfoes called Oregon a communist state and voters in

many parts of the state would still erase land-use laws from the

books in a hea rtbeat given the chance But it took someone with

guts to cha llenge hardened beliefs and prepare Oregon for the

future

Itrsquos time for another conversation this one about the chang-

ing face of the state Oregonrsquos long history with a whites-only

club running things is ending Imagine seeing a leader in Oregon

brave enough to embrace that futuremdashespecially now that the

nationrsquos political debate is oozing anti-immigrant poison

A future Oregon leader who gets up the nerve to t alk about

the value of a more diverse Oregonmdashand the need to account

for itmdashneed look no further than Woodburn a city that thirty

years ago no one would predict would be a model for cultural

tolerance The town struggled with change as Latino and Rus-

sian immigrants came to the area Today Woodburn proudly

talks of its ldquoLittle Mexicordquo business district The school district

has seen enormous success in graduating students from high

school in large part because of its bilingual approach in theclassroom The city routinely sends out information about the

library parks and water bills in English and Spanish And the

cityrsquos website has a button that allows visitors to translate its

pages into thirty-six lang uages

Alonso Leon says that despite Woodburnrsquos progress the city

has a lot of ground to gain when it comes to making itself open

to everyone She says the city council rarely sees members of the

Latino community appear before it and that the only Spanish

speakers who attend meetings on a regular basis are usually her

parents who like to watch her in action She says the city has

formed a committee to find ways Woodburn can knock down

cultural and language barriers that keep non-English speakersfrom believing they have a role in civic debates

ldquoWe need to do more to make ourselves inviting and avail-

ablerdquo she says ldquoTelling people only English is acceptable in

government runs against the idea that everyone has the right

to be heardrdquo

Alonso Leon won an appointment to city council in 2013 and

must run for her seat this year if she wa nts to keep it Shersquos never

sought public office before and she could appear on the same

election ballot as Trump and the Oregonians for Immigration

Reform measuremdashan irony that isnrsquot lost on her

Alonso Leon expects a campaign wil l test her Shersquod be the

third Latino elected to the council (shersquos the only one serving

there now) and she says she has never been afraid to tell her story

ldquoIf people are asking questions and scrutinizing who I am

that means theyrsquore considering me or someone like merdquo she

says ldquoAnd that in itself is progressrdquo

Brent Walth has been an Oregon journalist since 1984 Hersquos

the former managing editor at Willamette Week and senior

investigative reporter for the Oregonian and author of Fire at

Edenrsquos Gate a biography of Oregon Governor Tom McCall

Hersquos now an assistant professor in the University of Oregon

School of Journalism and Communication

The threat Ludwicksees is about more thanlanguage Itrsquos about

influence and power

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17 FallWinter 2015 Move

Communityin Flux

A long-persecuted people begins to speak out

I N P O R T L A N D T H E C H R I S T M A S O F 1 9 4 4 W A S B I T -

terly cold and blanketed in white It snowed for days and

stayed close to freezing as the New Year approached But Port-

landers were distracted from the unusually cruel weather by

news that Portland Mayor Earl Riley was forcing dozens of

Roma out of the citymdashand by God it was about time the news-papers crowed Although many members of the local Kalderash

community of Roma had been working in the Kaiser shipyard

factories for the US war effort elected officials law enforce-

ment and the media fell over themselves to justify r unning the

Roma out of town

The Oregon Journal reported that encouraged by police the

Romamdashdescribed as ldquothe gaily dressed wanderersrdquomdashasked for

assistance to return to Texas and New Mexico because Portland

was ldquotoo coldrdquo for them Mayor R iley p ersuaded the US Of fice

of Price Administration (OPA) the federal bureau in charge of

rationing to issue special gas rations to the Roma so they could

make the drive south

The Oregonian considered this a ldquonotable featrdquo by the mayor

not only because the OPArsquos rationing of items like gas rubber

sugar and butter was so strict but also because Riley was ldquogetting

rid of at least half the gy psies [who] have been afflicting the cityrdquo

ldquoWe are right proud of our mayorrdquo the paper wrote

This was the same Mayor Riley who is purported to be one of

the most corrupt mayors in Portlandrsquos history Though his office

accused the Roma of using fortune-telling as a front for prostitu-

tion Riley allegedly kept a special safe in City Hall just for the

bribes he collected from these same types of criminal opera-

tions He was neither indicted nor punished despite criticism bythe City Club of Portland instead he amassed a fortune in ille-

gal enterprises over his lifetime Meanwhile the Roma families

LISA LOVING

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Oregon Humanities18

A detective and two policemen

escort two arrested Romani women

from the paddy wagon into the

Police Headquarters building at SW

2nd amp Oak in 1951

in Portland barely got by sometimes using abandoned storefronts as homes

Carol Silvermanmdasha professor of cultural anthropology and folklore at the

University of Oregon who has studied worked with and advocated for Roma

locally and around the world for almost forty yearsmdashsays the group of Roma in

Portland who came to work in the shipyards during the war were turned upon

when the war was over ldquoJust like Rosie the Riveter when women no longer were

needed for welding and [were told they] should go back to the homerdquo Silverman

says ldquoit was perceived that this group of Roma was no longer needed in the cityPerceived as foreign outsiders dangerous [they were] given these gas rations to

drive out of staterdquo

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19 FallWinter 2015 Move

COURTESY THOMAS ROBINSON

Roma in America today are a community in flux Families

still identify their lineages through distinct ethnic communi-

ties sometimes called tribes including the Sinti Romanichal

and Kalderash and these communities tend to blend in with

the mainstream In the Northwest a look through local busi-

ness listings will not reveal any obvious groups or organiza-

tions serving them except a handful of very tight-knit Christian

churches Most Kalderash would prefer to live under the radar

says Silverman for a compelling historical reason almost

everywhere theyrsquove gone Roma people have been oppressed by

both government and society

Originally from India Roma communities are traditionally

nomadic From the fourteenth century until the Romanian

emancipation of 1864 Roma were enslaved and traded by the

local nobility in a large area of southern Romania including

Walachia and Moldovia with the support of church institutions

Roma moved to the Northwest in the largest numbers after1864 with Kalderash families settling in the area between 1880

and 1920 Silverman says ldquoFrom the first time they came to

America there were rules regulating where Roma could live and

where they could settle and even the kind of work they could do

Many cities had anti-fortune-telling edicts fortune-telling poli-

cies on the books Some cities actually still have themrdquo

Accused of being naturally inferior and prone to crime Roma

people in the Northwest have been targeted and harassed by

local law enforcement and negatively depicted in the media In

1906 the Oregonian wrote ldquoThe police allege that the gypsies

have such a penchant for stealing everything that is not nai led

down that it is necessary always to lsquokeep an eye on themrsquordquo Andthe Ashland Daily Tidings in 1916 wrote ldquoTrue to their inborn

instincts the horde of gypsies which passed through Ashland

last Sunday failed to get out of t he country without committing

a serious depredationrdquo

No scholar has studied discrimination against the Roma as

fully as Ian Hancock a University of Texas at Austin professor of

linguistics English and Asian studies who laid out his findings

in a 2007 research paper He writes that despite five special US

Congressional sessions addressing the increase in anti-Romani

hate crimes in Europe and the correlative increase in Romani

asylum seekers to the United States ldquoThere nevertheless remain

laws on the books in various states and counties that continue

to operate against Gypsies Many of these laws a list of which

fills thirty-four pages were inherited from Europe and were

intended to be used against the earlier Gypsy populations in the

United States they have since found new application against

the more recently arrived and more v isible Eastern European

Roma escaping the post-Communist increase in racial violence

in that region many of whom are seeking political asylum hererdquo

But despite the hostility they have traditionally faced

Romani people have also historically been linchpins of their

local economies Silverman says Roma in Europe worked in

metalcraft which t hey applied in the United States to recopperand re-tin household items at the turn of the century ldquoUntil the

1950s before stainless steel in order to have a working kitchen

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Oregon Humanities20

Most Americanshave no idea

that their owngovernment waspersecuting Romapeople at thesame time Romain Europe werebeing murdered inthe Holocaust

you had to have your pots and pans redonerdquo Silverman says ldquoThis was a real

Romani skillrdquo

This skill in metalwork was perfect for the emerging car industry in 1920s

and rsquo30s America ldquoRoma did this kind of service for many many Northwest

Americans and then eventua lly they got i nto t he car sales businessrdquo Silver-

man says The Romarsquos family-based car repair operations competed directly

with corporate auto repair shops offering an alternative to high-dollar services

with the personal attention of a family business So by World War II not only

was Mayor Riley rsquos expulsion of Roma families cruel but it also likely damaged

the local economy

Most Americans have no idea that their own government was persecut-

ing Roma people at the same time Roma in Europe were being murdered in

the Holocaust The Nazis killed an estimated 220000 to 500000 Roma men

women and childrenmdashperhaps 25 percent of the European Roma populationmdash

between 1935 and 1945 Morgan Ahern a SintiRomanichal Roma and founder

of Seattle-based organization Lolo Diklo Romani Against Racism believes

the number of Roma killed may be as high as 15 million ldquoMany [were killed] inconcentration campsrdquo she says ldquobut many more [were] just shot on the roadrdquo

Silverman agrees that the effect of the Holocaustmdashknown to some Roma as

the Porraimos or ldquothe devouringrdquomdashon the Roma has been ldquoa footnote in most

textbooksrdquo and is only starti ng to be examined in Holocaust museums because

of lobbying by Roma and their allies

Also overlooked in the history of Roma in the United States generations of

Roma children taken from their parents and warehoused in foster care systems

because of lifestyle differences and some families say racism Ahern was one

of those children removed from her family and put into foster care after her

parents were deemed unfit to ta ke care of her because they were Romani and

nomadic

Even today many Romani individuals and families lack birth certificatesand marriage certificates making them vulnerable to government officialsrsquo

whims Silverma n says ldquoThings like being fingerprinted havi ng a birth certifi-

cate might mean that your children are going to be taken away These historic

memories are very very very much alive for Romardquo

After generations of abuse a modest tide of Roma are beginning to speak out

about their civil rights and demand fair t reatment including fair accommoda-

tions in trying to obtain legal documentation for family members who were

born in the United States Silverman who is on the board of the nonprofit Voice

of Roma says she was involved in a c ase in Portland in which it was argued that

oral testimony in a birth is equivalent to a birth certificate ldquoWhen people bear

witness to a marriagerdquo Silverman says ldquoit doesnrsquot matter if therersquos no marriage

certificate It could be issued based on hindsight on memoryrdquo

For a community that has for generations avoided keeping their money in

bank accounts and sending their children to public schools social isolation is

giving way to an emerging movement for empowerment

On the East Coast Kalderash filmmaker George Eli produces films about

his family and is currently building a media channel on Roma And at the

University of Texas Hancock who is Romanichal Roma has spent decades

building the Program of Romani Studies and the Romani Arch ives and Docu-

mentation Center

Ahern founded Lolo Diklo which means ldquored scarfrdquo in 1986 along w ith a

fellow teacher at Seattle Central College The grouprsquos purpose is to document

discrimination and persecution of Romani Ahernrsquos fatherrsquos Romanichal fam-ily have lived in the United States since the 1700s and were originally sent from

Ireland by the British government as slaves Her motherrsquos family were Sinti who

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21 FallWinter 2015 Move

No documentsor oral histories

exist showingwhat happened tothe Roma familiesforced out ofPortland in 1944

arrived in the United States in the late 1930s

fleeing the climate in Germany Her maternal

grandmother pretended to be Italian to get into

the country

Over the years Ahern has traveled through-

out the West Coast lecturing about Roma cul-ture and civil rights She works with Romani

organizations across the United States South

America Canada Europe and Spain

Silverman adds that over the past twenty

years many American Roma have become

born-again Christians establishing their own

churches or joining evangelical congregations

Some of these church leaders are emerging as

community spokespeoplemdashsomething very

new for a community that has been persecuted

for so long ldquoThere are Roma who donrsquot want

to be left alone anymore because they are at a

disadvantage when they are left alonerdquo Silver-

man says ldquoThey are being very brave to actu-

ally interact with t he US court systemrdquo

But despite these efforts even today the dis-

crimination that Roma face by revealing their

heritage remains very real ldquoIn their historical

memory interacting with American institu-

tions has often resulted in a form of marginal-

izationrdquo Silverman says

For example Silverman describes ethnic

profiling by police bureaus through what wereknown as ldquobunco squadsrdquo police bureaus in

the South that had ldquoGypsy unitsrdquo to focus on

ldquoGypsy crimerdquo She says ldquoThis is ethnic profiling of crime

assuming that all Roma commit a certain kind of crime and

certain ki nds of crimes are only committed by Romardquo

The racial profiling of Roma people doesnrsquot stop with law

enforcement it is a staple of local news The language used

in Pacific Northwest news coverage in the past ten years to

describe alleged offenders has hardly changed from what was

writ ten in newspapers in the early 1900s

In 2007 a ldquoNight Cabbierdquo column in Willamette Week

sparked outrage ldquoThe Gypsies apparently are no jokerdquo the

unidentified cab driverwriter penned about the apparent rav-

ings of a customer ldquoDespite what we may think she explains to

us that real Gypsies arenrsquot nomadic livestock thieves but in fact

have been living in her neighborhood for decades And theyrsquore

very bad neighborsrdquo

ldquoThis is racist nonsenserdquo a reader responded ldquoInexcusable

for a serious newspaper to print such offensive content about areal livi ng breathing person in the neighborhood on account of

one of his neighbors For all we know this bigoted fool is the bad

neighborrdquo

No documents or oral histories exist showing what happened

to the Roma families forced out of Portland in 1944 Did they

stay in Texas Did they return to the Northwest Did they find

safety Or were they forced on toward some other location And

most important how in the Information Age is it possible that

the Roma experience has been all but forgotten by the main-

stream of society

Silverman holds out hope that organizations such as Voice of

Roma and Lolo Diklo can help Roma keep from getting caught inunfriendly bureaucratic systems as well as provide an opening

for more outreach and understanding The Portland Romani

Festival a one-day celebration featuring food music and infor-

mation on human rights issues affecting Roma people is ten-

tatively scheduled for late spring 2016 The Festival Romani

Facebook page is a fountain of music and cu ltural events par-

ticularly music performances up and down the West Coast

ldquoI think people should become knowledgeable about Romani

history and discrimination in order to combat itrdquo Silverman

says ldquoIt seems to me that while wersquore talking about ethnic a nd

racial diversity we can no longer eliminate a large group that

has suffered prejudice for so many years and continues to suffer

prejudicerdquo

Thanks to Fair Housing Council of Oregon for sharing this

story with Oregon Humanities through its history bus tour

Lisa Loving has reported on civil rights and diversity in

Oregon for more than fifteen years She is a news and

public affairs producer at KBOO Community Radio 907

FM in Portland and the former news editor of the award-

winning African American community newspaper the

Skanner Her new book How to Be a Citizen Journalist will

be released in 2017 by Microcosm Publishing

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Oregon Humanities22

Like all places Oregon has a brand an identity that distinguishes

it from other places This identity is a pastiche of characteris-

ticsmdashenvironmental and agricultural urban and rural intrepid and

entrepreneurialmdashthat become a kind of shorthand that rightly or

wrongly insiders and outsiders read to understand what this state

and its people collectively value But how much do we the resi-

dents of this place really know about the systems behind these

things that seem to represent our identity

On the pages that follow we look more closely at just four ofthese cultural identifiers and how they move through their individ-

ual systems coho salmon up the Columbia River past historical

sites trash recyclables reusables and compost from Portland to

other parts of the state and the world bicycles buses and cars

up a busy corridor through a rapidly changing neighborhood and

ideas measures and laws through what is sometimes called the

Oregon System

Thanks to sources at the Confluence Project Death with Dignity Friends of the Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge Heiberg Garbage and

Recycling Metro MIG Northwest Power and Conservation Council Ofce of the Secretary of State Oregon History Project Oregon Legis -

lature Portland Bureau of Transportation TriMet and US Forest Servicersquos Pacific Northwest Research Station for their help with this story

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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23 FallWinter 2015 Move

Salmon up the Columbia RiverAFTER SPENDING sixteen to twenty months at sea a coho

salmon begins her journey up the Columbia and Sandy Rivers

back to her natal spawning grounds This amazing biological phe-

nomenon is also rich with cultural significance and the landmarks

she passes upstream mark the politics and history of her species

1 Salmon were central to the Chinook that once inhabited villages

along the lower Columbia and seining was the most important

method used to catch the fish As runs declined in the early twen-

tieth century white fishermen drove the Chinook off Sand Island

and Peacock Spit two of the most productive seining areas in

the estuary Seining was prohibited by Washington in 1934 and

Oregon in 1948

2 On March 16 1806 Meriwether Lewis drew and described a fish

brought to him at Fort Clatsop ldquoThe white Salmon Trout has

now made itrsquos appearance in the creeks near this place one of

them was brought us today by an Indian who had just taken it with

his gig this is a likness of itrdquo The fish was later classified as coho

salmon Oncorhynchus kisutch

3 In 1866 the brothers George W and William Hume and Andrew

S Hapgood established a salmon cannery at Eagle Cliff

Washington packing 4000 cases their first year In 1895 up to

50 Columbia canneries produced 635000 cases of salmon But

by 1977 the pack was just 2547 cases The last major cannery

on the Columbia closed in 1980

4 On November 5 1805 Lewis and Clark recorded a visit to the

ldquoQuathapotle Nationrdquo one of the largest Chinookan villages the

expedition encountered Today Cathlapotle is an archeological site

and the home of a modern plankhouse which serves as an outdoor

classroom and is used by the Chinook Indian Nation

5 In 2008 Maya Linrsquos sculpture Bird Blind was dedicated The blind

lists 134 plants documented by Lewis and Clark along with one

word on their status today thriving threatened endangered or

extinct Coho are listed as threatened today

6 In 2007 the Marmot Dam part of Portland General Electric hydro-

electric project in the Sandy River basin was removed due to

pressure from conservation groups and rising management costs

Built in 1913 by Portland Railway Light and Power Company the

dam provided hydroelectric power to Portland Today salmon navi-gate a free-flowing river mdashTRM

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities24

1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every

other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-

cling one of a number of independent haulers

in the Metro region grind their gears uphill

traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food

scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-

board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue

recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in

the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green

roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-

egory recycling compost and yard waste and

garbage

2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly

either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-

gon Recycling System past the airport in East

Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery

facilities (there are a handful in the region)

which then sell the materials based on demand

in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others

in foreign countries such as China

3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable

waste the other trucks head to Metro Central

Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro

South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-

tions in the region Last year almost a half a

million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos

two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins

other company haulers contractors with con-

struction waste and residential customers with

miscellaneous items not picked up through

home collection service At the transfer station

the sorting process begins

4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature

Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-

ogy Organics outside of North Plains about

twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about

twelve miles north of Corvallis

5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household

items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material

in roads

6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader

then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time

is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer

stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a

three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty

no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush

plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo

According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the

garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material

The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is

often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per

minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to

an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the

plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity

powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM

Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland

Waste fromSouthwestPortland

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25 FallWinter 2015 Move

1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in

winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period

in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a

twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source

TriMet)

HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make

every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-

tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed

Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-

age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo

In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin

Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the

new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue

represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even

signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from

the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles

per hour depending on the time of day

The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars

buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic

signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and

emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one

hundred intersections throughout Portland

Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North

Williams today reflects a different wave of development and

demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share

the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to

bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes

to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density

residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG

Traffic on North Williams Avenue

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities26

Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect

changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-

erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed

law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or

rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already

passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a

referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather

than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-

ers approved this system in 1902

This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an

initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on

a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided

driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal

documentation of US citizenship status

1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three

ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)

Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text

of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall

issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to

provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)

2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-

tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)

3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of

Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative

petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State

Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal

Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)

4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is

certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults

to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88

58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold

of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to

qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-

ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without

requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to

Dec 2013)

5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88

Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor

Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)

6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51

to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails

666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-

croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered

by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed

lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move

(2003)

7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block

saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-

zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the

case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor

General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the

practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The

US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide

law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG

Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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27 FallWinter 2015 Move

SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137

983158983151983145983139983141

N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -

room closet I came across a box of old family photographs

I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color

photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-

ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five

standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie

primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos

hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-

tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against

the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But

the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a

frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat

in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple

of the Sun

A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -

graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one

end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both

L A I L A L A L A M I

Al-Mursquoallaqat

The GoldenOdes of Love

J E N W I C K S T U D I O

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Oregon Humanities28

of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels

science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-

raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to

love books so much perhaps books provided them an education

about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing

from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches

that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-

ing the reign of King Hassan

It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned

to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed

copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from

friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about

whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-

drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new

offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte

which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne

Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others

Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les

petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why

the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion

Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which

the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to

either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan

tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three

Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords

and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo

Of course none of the characters in these books looked or

spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly

all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan

bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their

homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my

own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they

had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary

world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an

alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define

normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like

my country my imagination had been colonized

I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly

the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-

acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the

fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled

my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high

school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes

where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-

yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as

well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father

said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it

was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted

D RISS C H RAI BI

LA

CI VI LISA TIO N

MA M E R E

PAR

ALEXANDRE DUMAS

Taha Hussein

THE

DA YS

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29 FallWinter 2015 Move

When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same

school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum

el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine

At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were

taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled

with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still

the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-

language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from

the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi

al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the

Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese

Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-

moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some

of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved

each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a

classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-

els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan

authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-

tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren

It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read

adult literature on my own and independently from school that

I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-

ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos

La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a

sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin

Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book

that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment

of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read

lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was

as fertile ground for fiction as any other

And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature

nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in

French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after

all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-

latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss

Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was

ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a

particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made

it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I

was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train

in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco

medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-

ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my

hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat

or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-

matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely

be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study

linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in

a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in

an analytica l way

Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in

Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship

to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait

I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and

racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School

of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work

of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went

back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how

often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes

Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in

our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in

formal soireacutees French was de rigueur

Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-

guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles

and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in

English which made me think even more about the relationship

between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a

prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power

an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people

The education I had received had emphasized the importance

of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our

media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the

shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed

in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored

by the French government for free access to books The role of

Every time I went back

to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much

and how often we moved

between French and

Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not

went through life

switching between codes

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Oregon Humanities30

French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a

cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no

longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case

of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should

not be writing at all

I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish

after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried

to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of

me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that

stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have

immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the

native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow

me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred

to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic

languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought

Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my

days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use

English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the

linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh

perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a

child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-

gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the

same story

I have always written because I have always had the urge to

tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided

that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-

thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my

race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-

larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while

the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and

waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had

enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos

phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-

rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat

seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of

others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the

works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s

such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in

the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and

sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing

graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had

always told stories but now I wanted to be heard

This essay was first published in World Literature Today

Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami

Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The

Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The

Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy

Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for

Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016

Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16

and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for

more information and to buy tickets

Writing in French came

at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial

baggage that I no longer

wanted to carry I started

to suffer from a peculiar

case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic

perhaps I should not be

writing at all

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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31 FallWinter 2015 Move

A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good

LORETTA STINSON

I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M

every day after work waiting for Bruce to

get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching

myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me

sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on

from a distance at whatever is happening to

me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie

and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-

kick of the star or I play a supporting role but

I am definitely not the star of this movie The

moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom

just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been

able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed

freak for fifteen years

Sun through the small rectangular win-

dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats

wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in

1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from

the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom

watchi ng my past present a nd future selves

do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental

after another waiting for the next bad thing

to happen and not getting out of the way even

when I see it coming The habit of living in con-

stant fear and the resignation that nothing can

ever change are the glue that holds me in place

This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting

on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on

Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on

hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the

future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who

can only be counted on not to be counted on

In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses

and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about

J U L I A N N A B R I O N

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Oregon Humanities32

detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot

change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-

ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what

the old-timers were saying Needless to say

I didnrsquot

Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go

home and try some new strategy to make Bruce

quit using I once read a book about how sugar

was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding

him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein

diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck

them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat

and beer is a very filling meal in itself When

he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put

in front of him but speed and alcohol are his

drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-

ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never

remembers what he does to me and since he

doesnrsquot remember I have to forget

It be what it be Bruce says about all things

unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color

electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it

be Today I see things clearly for the first time

Today I see myself on this couch waiting for

someone else to do the changing Today I see

that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be

my life until the day he kills me or he dies or

I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been

disappointed too many times Addiction his to

drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove

been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot

see my part until now

My only friend has been telling me for

months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I

have left many times for a day or a week but

Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop

drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs

to me for the first time that this is absurd and a

huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe

itrsquos me who needs to change and not because

that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction

is his business

Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll

be wasted because it was payday and most of

his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-

ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood

alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or

hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how

those will interact with his mood the kind of

day he had and if hersquos eaten

None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for

such a long time that I could Like every person

who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that

if I did all the right things I would figure out a

way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on

his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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33 FallWinter 2015 Move

I worked like some kind of crazy statistician

making up story problems to predict what he

might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job

and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without

eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito

at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos

left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going

to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-

ing home mistakes his second wife for his first

wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out

Please show your work

I have never been able to figure out the rec-

ipe for equilibrium His or mine

Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce

comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not

wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face

slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat

the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says

Itrsquos not really a question but I answer

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him

clearly for the first time I see his addiction in

action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have

nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest

thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can

do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look

at him for too long when hersquos been drinking

kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash

you just back away slowly and try not to piss

him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows

too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how

little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs

to believe because he has to be mad at some-

one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom

just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by

the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about

nothing that it was never my face that pissed

him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He

needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave

to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do

no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a

revelation

He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you

looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on

the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-

spread that covers its stained sagging cush-

ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier

mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore

afraid when hersquos like this and they should be

Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that

hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what

if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities34

dead or at least not living just existing on the

edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story

Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom

suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am

afraid of being killed

I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to

make a home The china teacups that I str ung

together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks

in the window like a mobile The plants my

booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the

sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the

bed my dad and I refinished before I left home

The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday

The fifteen years of history we have together

one year short of half my life tonight not all of

it bad He is no monster just a man struggling

wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to

face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo

He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo

He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo

Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He

screams them at me knowing how in the past

these are the very words that made me cling to

him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go

Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but

this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest

the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about

his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does

Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom

seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man

Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried

to help for his own good right This man Irsquove

tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody

made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when

I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself

Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the

usual responseI know three things tonight Number one

If I stay this will be my life until I die Number

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7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities36

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37 FallWinter 2015 Move

M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN

he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline

somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and

believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he

turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean

for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees

in rows

My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home

at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York

City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for

rows of buildings

ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says

In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark

skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the

Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n

My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I

met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo

My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too

often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance

of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He

was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister

a year later

My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my

father a suit They seem happy in the picture

Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put

half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband

My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years

My grandmother died

All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a

life rocked with waves

P A I G E

V I C K E R S

JASON ARI AS

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities38

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have

let that slip through thecracksrdquo

My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes

My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why

Grandma was hiding

Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here

To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-

vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where

we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We

have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo

I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened

My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next

closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed

a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time

tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the

process

Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends

Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his

giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist

until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again

We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in

the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-

ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-

lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be

Ama zons)

The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door

I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour

feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean

ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said

We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not

about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same

ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As

kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon

I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower

water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the

high tide after being beached again and again

One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom

decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia

One of my new Olympian friends flicked a

match that started a fire inside my mattress I

tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking

Mom came home and we put the burning

bed outside

This isnrsquot a metaphor

I slept on the floor of my bedroom that

night missing the ocean of Grayland while my

mom and sister shared their bed in the room

next to mine The next morning my mattress

was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-

ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a

popular song on the radio at the time One of us

would start singing the lyrics

How can we dance when our earth is turning

and then wersquod all join in

How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh

But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame

Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-

land That no matter how many times we

were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty

porous flotation device on which to try to

reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe

even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the

way we did as something gia nt and limit less

something to be feared and conquered some-

thing to be moved by

In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a

flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called

my name and the light receded back down the

hall disappearing into the living room and

slipping out the front door

We discovered that the flickering light had

left wax shapes on the carpet of our living

room that could have been bad pentagrams or

the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It

left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot

take any money It left us wondering if some

past boyfriend had found us somehow

Whi le we were out the next day somebody

hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment

door Mom winced at the divots denting the

wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing

mechanism once was with her hand

We left the dishes in the sink

We left no forwarding address

We boarded a bus

Two days later we were on the doorstep of

the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with

a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my

backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase

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39 FallWinter 2015 Move

in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever

received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer

trophies in the other

At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude

who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-

thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been

there were two concave smooth-skinned div-

ots She was always smiling I liked watching

how Jude listened

Before long the four of us moved into an

apartment between Portland and Gresham It

was right on the MAX line and right on the city

line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-

landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign

that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block

to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch

my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but

Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the

perfect space for her She said it was easier for

her to know where everything was in a smaller

environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond

than an ocean

One day Jude brought her new boyfriend

home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo

ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said

Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor

and said ldquo White peoplerdquo

I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was

wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what

ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to

a blind person

Red is the rage in your gut

White is the entrapment of the disabled

One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend

and her room became a closet again

We saw her a little and then not at all

Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to

Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally

almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of

my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday

cards and pictures that were inside it

Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-

day cards away

My wife and I began archiving our new fam-

ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with

the rest of them Our sons grew I became an

uncle My grandfather remarried and went

crazy My mother still has the same smile she

had when I was young

Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a

bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple

of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary

There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help

you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear

Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie

each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out

If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads

directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end

points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably

guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock

between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled

and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long

by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of

human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of

the Mayan calendar

In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and

I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of

the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam

When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-

land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else

ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says

one night while wersquore lying in bed

And I do

I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that

had to happen I listen to our breath

In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I

make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My

finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving

And then the line disappears

And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and

falling together

Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the

Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life

Poems and Stories of the Dead

If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between

Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities40

READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts

One hundred moves and not one of

them associated with the military

a job or being on the run

The Ledger

Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G

through a yard sale I picked up an old

ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-

ance Company of New York A large thin hard-

bound ledger black with a red spine eleven

inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by

insurance agents to track insurers and their

policies all entries written by hand There was

only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty

cents the rest of the pages were blank After

years of treasuring its antiquity but making

no entries of my own I tore the one used page

out and decided to start tracking al l my moves

before my memory lost track I sat down and

recorded all the moves I remembered over one

hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my

parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them

associated with the military a job or being on

the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-

derlust and exploration then relationships

and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad

landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just

being unable as a single parent to bear the rent

and high heating bills Once my oldest son and

I landed in a decent house that could hold us

indefinitely After three months I was drawn to

cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted

to gather them touch them fill their empti-

ness with our lives When I realized what was

going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in

that house for two years then moved to Hawai i

Now the kids are grown the grandkids are

teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos

no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-

foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a

semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided

me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she

said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo

As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot

out of my feet and sink into the ground I was

so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here

three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot

want to move

What have I lea rned th rough al l these

moves Adaptability being and living in the

now and that there is glory in both staying and

moving but it is much easier and cheaper to

stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland

Out of the Nest

I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E

back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze

tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last

time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex

where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs

Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot

stepped inside the apartment for eight months

To do so would risk my life

ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-

tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February

I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following

weekmdashfor six months

Left behind with Michael were our surro-

gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy

and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned

starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier

It was last October when I first developed

symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-

ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse

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41 FallWinter 2015 Move

This is where the plates layers of crust

crashed into each other in a fiery show

perhaps tens of thousands of years ago

Soon breathing was excruciating I took

shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain

Paralyzing fatigue set in

My endocrinologist suspected chronic

obstructive pulmonary disease which made

little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I

began scouring descriptions of lung conditions

Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity

pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung

Relief and terror flooded in

If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-

monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a

terminal condition in which scarring causes

respiratory failure within three to five years

Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif

caught early But the solution is drastic We

would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-

ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even

be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the

parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would

have a new ending

Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms

lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper

grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-

pice moments before plummeting

Today we are moving the last of our belong-

ings into our first house The kitties and birdies

have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed

While I cannot hold my babies I watch them

on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the

two-way speaker

From rescue feedings to teenage angst to

nighttime vigils during illness in caring for

these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging

from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety

Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey

take their first tentative steps toward flight

Today I learned the most painful lesson let-

ting go

MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene

Subduction Zones

T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK

were on an af ternoon in early Septem-

ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for

the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper

and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our

ankles

Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-

berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend

and is directly responsible for the creation of

Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back

then one that I sometimes imagined looked

like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus

Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of

the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale

their name suggests but the result of plates

shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-

tion led to the formation of the trio This is

where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into

each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-

sands of years ago Subduction zones are places

where great trauma lies

And here I was all these years later in the

shadows of these mountains loss everywhere

Later that day back at our apartment we

walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit

into anymore For more than a year we went

through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern

Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that

followed us Then one day our four-year-old

daughter started a conversation that shook me

ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo

I nodded

ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so

sadrdquo

Six words leapt at me

ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo

We moved back to Ash land where brig ht

red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-

hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot

know it then but we were charting our own

map however imperfect Healing crept up on

us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-

ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew

Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng

up the darkness Seventeen years passed

And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most

folks want to flee helps you see things more

clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in

its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along

VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland

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Oregon Humanities42POSTS

continued from previous page

Just to

underscore

how settled we

planned to be

we unpacked

EverythingEven the

heirloom china

which had never

before left its

boxes We were

here to stay

Dance Church

SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I

go to church Dance church A church

where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers

to recite A church where at first glance outsid-

ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon

arriving I see a few little munchkins running

around with oversize neon headphones on to

protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music

set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with

rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors

There are flowers candles pillow puddles

beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some

kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in

alignment with the morningrsquos intention

As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s

become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-

tainer in which I can move once again after

years of chronic freezing and dissociating A

trapped animal released back into the wild

wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom

in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism

evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with

anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our

spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist

The music awakens the holy spirit within

me and dances me through throngs of people

I am an antelope cut loose checking out the

creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns

bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms

Each stunning in their authentic movement I

see people falling in love with each other from

a distance I see a girl rocking four different

Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed

like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands

ldquopracticing dancingrdquo

This is the church of Miriam the biblical

tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of

years later I move here and I am reunited with

my self my best self my most curious mischie-

vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self

Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten

invited back in the room to whip her hair back

and forth I throw my head back in delight and

laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like

hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form

of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music

EMILY I BEDAL Portland

Again

M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R

upwardly mobile engineer That trans-

lated into at least one move per year until I was

eight and another address for high school I

moved every year in college one year twice I

moved three times during my first stint in Bos-

ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-

ment for the whole two years Then it was back

to Boston where I lived in five different homes

in five years

Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for

the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe

two years back East then back to New Mexico

in two different cities three different homes

Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates

what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo

From Albuquerque we moved to our present

home in Port Orford my thirt ieth

Moving has always been exciting cathar-

tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books

by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally

donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-

ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated

magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets

ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit

thatrsquos never happened In each new house

wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos

never worked

We vowed Port Orford would be our final

ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore

how settled we planned to be we unpacked

Everything Even the heirloom china which

had never before left its boxes We were here

to stay

Except it seems wersquore going to have to move

again but not for the exciting futures wersquod

always envisioned before Now we need doctors

and hospitals and a nearby airport for family

visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is

on the other side of adventure Now we need a

place to feel safe secure

So the sorting and throwing out is about to

begin yet again There are closets and drawers

that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to

dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of

booksmdashto give away This move exciting No

way The very thought of it exhausts me

Still those other feelings cathartic freeing

new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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43 FallWinter 2015 Move

Next theme Root

For the Spring 2016 issue tell

us your stories about rooting

around taking root being

uprooted or root-bound getting

to the root of a problem being

the root of the problem rooting

someone on Share stories and

ideas about beginnings origins

and foundations Analyze a

historical or contemporary

grassroots effort Describe

the tension between staying

put and being stuck Send your

submission (400 words maxi-

mum) by February 15 2016 to

postsoregonhumanitiesorg

Submissions may be edited for

space or clarity

Listen to Your Body

I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y

motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease

Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit

and spot-on timing Though she was confined

to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was

still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her

sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-

cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone

have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but

aching joints diminished strength and a fal-

tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back

Those maladies werenrsquot the result of

chronic disease More like lack of exercise At

some point in the past decade or so I developed

an aversion to any fitness routine That choice

has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo

class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community

Center

Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the

center for the past thirty-six years teaches

the dance-infused workout three days a week

Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at

the core of each class She dispenses praise as

we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform

deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements

and she encourages each of us to breathe and

listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably

youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying

ballet seriously By then her versatility as an

actress singer dancer and comedian had been

evident in community theater productions in

the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although

not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few

years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe

continues to lead a full life She can still stand

and press her palms flat to the floor despite

relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip

notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg

and stretch at the barre

A role model for agi ng wit h presence and

dignity Lynn maintains her considerable

charm and elegance and purposely keeps her

body and mind active Like my mother she

is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has

inspired me to accept what my body can do

today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow

Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for

getting up in the morning And by some mea-

sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE

Portland

Over the Hill

I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D

eleven times in three years I worked spring

through fall as a natural history guide in

Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure

where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned

into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply

moved around A lot With each new tempo-

rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked

clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was

nothing

At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the

person who would become my life partner

another seasonal worker We would move from

Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We

lived one magical off-season on a houseboat

on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the

ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught

me I loved wide-open spaces What could be

wider than the Pacific A fter one more season

of guiding I came back to the coast and decided

to stay

I volunteered my way into one steady job

and eventually landed another at the local

college After a few more seasons my partner

came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota

and we bought another together He built a

business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our

hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and

had a child Wersquod officially settled down

The economic hardships of rural living

however are real job opportunities decline

and can no longer support the life wersquove built

The accumulation of years no longer fits into

the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner

took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast

and we lived as a split family The split was tax-

ing though so we decided to make the move

to the city We left the first community of our

adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven

ourselves The only community our daughter

has even known Friends asked me not to go

Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart

still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the

sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes

at the memory of that moon over Tillamook

Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot

nothingmdashitrsquos every thing

NANCY SLAVIN Portland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities44

Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm

LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015

This intertwined story of two

teenage girls and their mothers

is set in New Orleans during

and after Hurricane Katrina

In her debut novel Urbani an

Oregon writer with Southern

roots brings a maternal touch

to the narrative handling trag-

edy with a careful soulfulness

and love This honest yet brutal

story will simultaneously break

and warm your heart

mdashAnnie Kaffen

At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015

Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French

Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the

Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural

French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-

tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans

and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a

snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland

Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015

Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the

Oregon physician and radicalrsquos

extraordinary experiences

from her early years working in

a textile mill in New Bedford

Massachusetts through her

activist years in Oregon includ-

ing a three-year term at San

Quentin State Prison Equi lived

openly as a lesbian beginning in

the 1890s and was one of the

first practicing female doctors

in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and

compassion for others with a

strong personal belief in social

and economic justice

mdashCarole Shel lhart

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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45 FallWinter 2015 Move

People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015

This debut collection from

Portland writer Margaret

Malone is filled with brief

bitterly funny stories about the

sort of people who tie them-

selves in knots in their heads

and feel uncomfortable in their

own skin and can never quite

bring themselves to say the

words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point

includes all of us

mdashBen Waterhouse

The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015

Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer

The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with

Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research

for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the

first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of

revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced

a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer

in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he

writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo

mdashMaggie Starr

To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for

Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon

Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205

Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe

Sasquatch Books 2015

Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter

Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt

to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography

in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers

a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden

rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance

sounds smells and much more

mdashBen Waterhouse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities46

Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson

February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum

1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg

CROPPINGS

Wendy Red Star Untitled

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities programs are

funded by the National Endowment

for the Humanities and the Oregon

Cultural Trust and by contributions from

individuals foundations community

organizations and corporations For

more information about Oregon

Humanities or to learn how you can help

more Oregonians get together share

ideas listen think and grow please

contact us at

921 SW Washington Street Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax

(503) 241-0024

ohmoregonhumanitiesorg

oregonhumanitiesorg

Staff

e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r

Adam Davis

facilitation and tra ining manager

Rachel Bernstein

communicationsprogram associate

Eloise Holland

editorassociate director

Kathleen Holt

development director

Kamla Hurst

program officer

Annie Kaffen

office manager

Mikaela Schey

director of finance and oper ations

Carole Shellhart

development associate

Maggie Starr

communications associate

Ben Waterhouse

program coordinator

Kyle Weismann-Yee

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Board of Directorsch a i r

Sona Karentz Andrews Portland

v ic e ch a i r

Janet Webster Newport

tr e a s u r e r

Jeff Cronn Portland

secretary

Matthew Boulay Salem

Paul Duden Portland

Kimberly Howard Portland

Nels Johnson Portland

Emily Karr Portland

Shannon Mara Bend

Win McCormack Portland

Alberto Moreno Portland

Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego

Ron Paul Portland

Denise Reed Astoria

Chantal Strobel Bend

Dave Weich Portland

Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED

Non-profit Org

US Postage

PAID

Permit No 1274

Portland OR

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities8

T H I N K amp D R I N K R E T U R N S

Oregon Humanitiesrsquo Think amp Drink

returns in 2016 engaging the public to

think and talk about big ideas Thanks

to support from the Pulitzer Centennial

Campfires Initiative this yearrsquos series

wi ll bri ng Pu lit zer Pr ize wi nne rs and

finalists to Portland Astoria Bend and

Eugene The speakers include Laila Lal-

ami Heacutector Tobar Isabel Wilkerson and

Katherine Boo See p 7 for more details

about the series

D E A R S T R A N G E R M O V E D E A R

Stranger OHrsquos letter-writing project

invites Oregonians to write a personal

letter to someone theyrsquove never met

and receive a letter in exchange To par-

ticipate write a letter inspired by thetheme ldquoMoverdquo and send it along with a

self-addressed stamped envelope and a

signed release form to Dear Stranger co

Oregon Humanities 921 SW Washington

St Suite 150 Portland Oregon 97205

Letters must be mailed by January 22

2016 to be exchanged Visit oregonhu-

manitiesorg for complete guidelines and

to download a release form

H O S T A C O N V E R S A T I O N P R O J E C T

Oregon nonprofits and community

groups can apply until January 31 2016

to host Conversation Project discussions

in the spring and summer Visit oregon-

humanitiesorg for more information

and look out for the application window

for 2016ndash17 conversation leaders open-

ing in January

W E L C O M E N E W B O A R D M E M B E ROregon Humanities is pleased to

announce the election of Shannon Mara

to the board of directors this September

Mara has worked in business manage-

ment and consulting in Oregon since

1994 She works with Volunteers in Medi-

cine and Sudara Corp and also serves on

the boards of directors for Opportunity

Knocks and 1859 Media LLC

N E H C E L E B R A T E S F I F T Y Y E A R S

The National Endowment for the

Humanities one of the largest funders

of humanities programs in the country

makes Oregon Humanitiesrsquo work pos-

sible This year the NEH celebrates fifty

years of achievement Since its inception

in 1965 the organization has awarded

63000 grants totaling $53 billion in

order to strengthen teaching research

and lifelong learning around the nation

Oregon Humanities News

$30000 grant from the Pu litzer Prize Centen-

nial Campfires Initiative a $15 million effort

to generate conversations across the country

about the impact of journalism and humanities

on our lives in observation of the hundredth

presentation of the annual awards The Pulit-

zer Prizes established by newspaper publisher

Joseph Pulitzer in his will recognize excel-

lence in journalism letters and music

Season tickets to the Portland events which

will take place at the Alberta Rose Theatre are

available now at albertarosetheatrecom Tick-

ets for events outside of Portland will be avail-

able through local venues

BEN WATERHOUSE

Power and PlaceOregon Humanities launches a project to

explore land loss by communities of color

A F T E R R E C E I V I N G A N O V E R W H E L M -

ingly enthusiastic response to the video

Future Portland Kathleen Holtmdashwho coordi-

nated the production of the video for Oregon

Humanitiesmdashknew there were more stories

like this one that needed telling The video

which wa s made by ma gazi ne contr ibutor

Ifanyi Bell and Brushfire Creative Partners

tells the story of loss and hope in Portlandrsquos

black communities It was powerful Holt says

because it showed the effects of displacement

on people and how that experience feels

Inspired by the impact the video had on

Oregonians Oregon Humanities is launch-

ing a new multimedia project that will collect

and connect stories about the loss of lands and

power by communities of color Combining

technology arts and the humanities the proj-

ect will culminate in a website featuring videos

photos maps timelines graphics words and

other content created by artists and writers of

color to express Oregonrsquos stories of land and

power loss as well as peoplersquos responses to this

loss including thriving and resistance

Holt says the goal of this undertak ing is toshare with Oregonians the sometimes hidden

histories and contributions of communities

of color ldquoItrsquos important for citizens t o under-

stand how the world takes shape around us

Once we have that awareness we can take

steps to change and improve our communityrdquo

she says By creating a space to express many

different stories side by side Oregon Human-

ities aims to help build a broader understand-

ing of how policies and legislation influence

systems of power and landownership in Ore-

gonrsquos past a nd present

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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9 FallWinter 2015

Joaquin LopezThis project which is made possible by a

$110000 grant from the Creative Heights Ini-

tiative of the Oregon Community Foundation

wi ll create a place for ar tis ts and writer s of

color to share their work and will invite more

stories Holt says ldquoThis project is just the

beginning We hope to create a place for these

kinds of stories to live and be shared By set-

ting up this place other stories will come to usrdquo

The website is expected to launch in January

2017 To watch Future Portland visit oregon-

humanitiesorg

JULIA WITHERS

The Power of Story

Idea Lab guest inspires students to find meaningin stories

W H E N M U S I C I A N A N D C O M M U N I T Y

advocate Joaquin Lopez is able to con-

vince yout h that they have the power to make

their own lives meaningful he says ldquothey

become the owners of their own experiencerdquo

This summer Lopez shared his story with 120

rising high school seniors from around the

state at Oregon Humanitiesrsquo Idea Lab Sum-

mer Institute

A Partnership to Promote PublicConversation Around Palliative Care

The Cambia Health Foundation is proud to partner with Oregon Humanities to

help communities across Oregon talk about what maers most

Learn more at oregonhumanitiesorg

R U S S E L L

J Y O U N G

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities10

FundersKeep OregonListeningLearning andExploring

Thanks to the support of

our generous funders

Oregon Humanities

brings tens of thousands

of Oregonians togethermdash

face-to-face online and

on the pagemdashto talk

listen and learn from one

another The following

funders have recently

offered support to make

Oregon a more dynamic

and vital place to live

bull The Oregon Community

Foundation $110000

Creative Heights grant

to pursue a multimedia

project that explores land

loss by communities of

color in Oregon

bull The Maybelle Clark

Macdonald Fund

$20000 for matching

new and increased dona-tions over the last year

bull The Rose E Tucker

Charitable Trust $6500

for Conversation Project

bull Emily Georges Gott-

fried Fund $2000 for a

pilot project training high

school students to lead

community conversations

bull Union Bank of California

Foundation $2000 for

Humanity in Perspective

Idea Lab is a three-day program that brings

Oregon teachers and high school juniors

together to explore the pursuit of happiness

and how it shapes our world Students from

diverse communities and economic back-

grounds engage with big ideas through work-

shops lectures films and conversations This

year the weekend concluded with a special pre-

sentation by Lopez

Incorporating personal narrative lecture

and Latin American folk music into his perfor-

mance Lopez focused on the power of stories

to connect people to history themselves and

the world Lopez shared with Idea Lab students

how he came to terms with his ow n identity as

a queer Latino man by realizing that hersquos the

author of his own story and the creator of his

own happiness Students gave Lopez a stand-

ing ovation they appreciated his honesty

openness and confidence Courtney Ford astudent from De La Salle North Catholic High

School commented ldquoHe left the audience with

ldquoAt Idea Lab I learned to see

the world not just as what it was

but as what it could berdquomdashMark Delgado Oregon Humanities Idea Lab alumnus (2010) and counselor (2015)

Help more Oregonians connect to life-changing ideas

Visit giveguideorgoregonhumanities to make a gift

through the Willamette Week rsquos 2015 GiveGuide

inspiration to truly be themselvesrdquo

Lopez believes in the potential of the

humanities to engage and empower people In

his work with youth at the Latino Networkmdash

a nonprofit with locations in Portland and

Gresham that promotes social change by unit-

ing the Latino communitymdashLopez manages

Studio Latino an after-school program that

focuses on Latin American arts and culture

The program was piloted last spring and this

year it will enter Reynolds High School in

Troutdale Gresham High School and Alder

Elementary in Portland Lopez works to incor-

porate themes of perseverance personal char-

acter and cultural identity into the program so

that students can bring those values with them

beyond high school

For Lopez creating spaces where youth can

be themselves and connect with each other is

a powerful way to make change ldquoStories havethe capacity to heal they remind us that we are

all in this togetherrdquo

JULIA WITHERS

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11 FallWinter 2015 FROM THE DIRECTOR

W H E N I W A S FIVE A ND L IVING IN A

small Minnesota city my fatherrsquos par-

ents visited from New York On Sunday morn-

ing we went as usual to Perkins where I did

what my parents had prepared me to do I asked

for pancakes but no bacon With enthusiasm

and pride I told my grandparentsmdashMoshe and

Lottie to most people Saba and Sabtah to memdash

that because they were there I was only having

pancakes no bacon

Two decades later I went to visit the fam-

ily of the woman who is now my wife While

most of the family ate snappy cheese and corn

pudding inside the Millersburg Kentucky

home my wifersquos fatherrsquos mother asked me on

the back porch what my belief was about Jesus

Christ She listened to the first tepid sentence

of my response and thanked me and walked

into the kitchen to urge her granddaughter to

be careful

A few years ago I went with my wife and

kids to the funeral of my wifersquos motherrsquos third

husband in a Southern Baptist church in a

small town in South Carolina In a departurefrom the churchrsquos usual practice a well-

known local musician sang ldquoImaginerdquo Two

of the three eulogies were delivered from the

altar by gay men When the preacher led us in

prayer and song my kids and I and I think my

wife were silent We knew neither the words

nor the tune

My kids now ten and eight tell people who

ask that they are both Christian and Jewish I

suspect my grandparents and my wifersquos grand-

parents would have said they are neither

I donrsquot think my kids know that they are a

thoroughly contemporary diluted amalgam

of Presbyterian Southern Baptist and Jew

Therersquos Scotch-Irish and English and Lithu-

anian and Polish in there Therersquos Kentucky

and Alabama and New York and Israel and

Minnesota and Chicago Therersquos other stuff

too They see themselves as OregoniansIn a short essay thatrsquos been on my mind re-

cently the author Toureacute thinks through how

he will raise children with his soon-to-be wife

He writes that it will be his job not hers to

bring blackness into the home He tries in his

essay to figure out what that could mean but

he seems certain that the job belongs to him

Earlier this fall at the Confederated Tribes

of Grand Rondersquos Third Annual History and

Culture Summit there was a good deal of

attention to cultural inheritancemdashwhat we

receive and what we pass on Several peoplespoke of thinking seven generations back and

seven generations forward I canrsquot go back four

and find the looking forward even hardermdashand

there we were thinking about this at just the

third-annual summit an old culture becoming

new again

This summit got me thinking about how

the more pressure your culture is undermdashthe

more persecution and threat it suffersmdashthe

more likely you may be to think carefully about

preserving it recognizing it passing it on

One thing thatrsquos been passed on to me is

an undiluted commitment to questions This

time of year with the holidays and their vari-

ous rituals upon us my big question is about

what Toureacute calls his job

Merry or happy or bountiful or blessed

whatever everyone and also this what of

what yoursquove received do you want to pass on

What would you be fine leaving behind And

what can you do to transmit the good stuff

inherited or acquired later seven generations

hence

What We Pass On

A DA M DAV IS

K I M N

G U Y E N

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Oregon Humanities12

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13 FallWinter 2015 Move

Whose StateIs This

Legal measures targeting LatinoOregonians reflect fears of change

I N TH E A U TU MN O F 1 980 TE R E S A A L O NS O L E O NrsquoS FA TH E R DE C IDE D TO TA KE A

rare day off from working in the fields near Clackamas to bring his daughters to what he thought

was a publ ic pa rk Alonso Leon who was five and her sister played catch their feet crunchingfallen leaves as they ran across the grass Then a car pulled up The driver got out and shouted at

Alonso Leonrsquos father The man spoke in English but her father spoke only SpanishmdashAlonso Leon

too They had only recently arrived from the southern state of Michoacaacuten Mexico to their new

home in Oregon The man grew more agitated gesturing and raising his voice until her father

gathered the girls and left

ldquoIt was a golf course or someplace people didnrsquot want kids playingrdquo Alonso Leon who is now

forty-one recalls ldquoMy father couldnrsquot read the signs and we had no idea what the man was saying

But the way the man spoke to my father that just stuck with merdquo

Alonso Leonrsquos fami ly are modern-day Movers people who made Oregon their destination of

hope for prosperity renewal and survival But her family would not have fit the original ideal

Movers was the nineteenth-century nickname for settlers who drove west in covered wagons

ldquoRestlessness was their dominant traitrdquo historian Malcolm Clark Jr wrote in his 1981 book Eden

Seekers ldquoThe gene of it was passed from father to son as a part of the act of procreation The fron-

tier was constantly reproducing itselfrdquo

For centuries the new Oregonians worked to make sure the reproducing gene was white W hen

it won statehood in 1859 Oregon was part of the anti-slavery Northmdashif only because its constitu-

tion excluded blacks from living within the statersquos borders (The provision wasnrsquot removed until

1926) Native tribes were shuffled to reservations and Chinese workers were attacked by white

residents in Oregon City La Grande and several other communities

The twentieth-century brought more hostility In 1920 state law required non-English news-

papers to print English translations Portlandrsquos black population swelled when the cityrsquos ship-

yards expanded during World War II and city leaders segregated African Americans in North

and Northeast Portland neighborhoods and nearby Vanport a slapdash public housing project ina floodplain near the Columbia River The state didnrsquot outlaw discrimination in housing restau-

rants hotels and other accommodations until the 1950s

BRENT WALTH

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities14

Oregon can no longer look in a mirror and see a bleached face

staring back In 1980 the first year the first year the CensusBureau included ldquoHispanicrdquo as a n ethnic category fewer than 7

percent of people in the state identified themselves as anything

other than ldquowhiterdquo Now according to the most recent Census

numbers nearly one quarter identify a s something other than

ldquowhite alonerdquo

The definition of what it means to be an Oregonian has

shifted as the state has seen immigrants from Asia Eastern

Europe and Africa The biggest shift has been in the statersquos

Latino population which has grown five times faster than the

state as a whole According to the Census 125 percent of the

population now identifies as Hi spanic or Latino Several cities

now count Latinos as the majority

One of those cities is Woodburn a Marion County town of

24000 where Alonso Leon now serves as a member of the city

council and where an acceptance of languages other than Eng-

lish has helped the community deal with change ldquoIf you donrsquot

have that you instead have misunderstanding and mispercep-

tions about other peoplerdquo Alonso Leon says ldquoWersquore not sitting

down together often enough as it isrdquo

Oregon has become a state of many languages But a small

effective and (many say) xenophobic group is pushing to put

a measure on the 2016 ballot that would declare English as the

statersquos official language Oregonians will need to decide if fear will divide the state over race ethnicity and how we talk to each

other

JIM LUDWICK SEES A DAY WHEN AMERICANS WILL BE

expected to speak both English and Spanish It worries him

ldquoBeing a bilingual country is breaking down people accord-

ing to where they came from rather than encouraging everyone

to be unitedrdquo Ludwick says ldquoItrsquos a tragedy waiting to happenrdquo

Ludwick a retired pharmaceuticals salesman from McMin-

nville is cofounder of Oregonians for Immigration Reform

which is pushing the Engl ish-only measure Since its found-

ing in 2000 the group has argued that the federal govern-

mentrsquos failure to enforce immigration laws has wreaked havoc

on the country The g roup opposes any government privileges

for undocumented residents including schools and health

care Oregonians for Immigration Reform he says favors the

deportation of anyone the government discovers is living in the

country illegally That includes the estimated 120000 undocu-

mented people living in Oregonmdasha number thatrsquos actually fallen

in recent years ldquoThis country was founded on the rule of lawrdquoLudwick says ldquoWersquore now seeing people openly violating our

immigration laws while try ing to impose new laws on usrdquo

For years Oregonians for Immigration Reform wasnrsquot taken

seriously in Salem or seen as a political threat Its leadersrsquo ten-

dency to broadbrush Latinos leaves many people uncomfort-

able When asked about immigration for example Ludwick

steers the conversation to ldquoillegalsrdquo stealing Social Security

numbers Mexicans run ning drugs a nd undocumented resi-

dents committing other crimes

The Southern Poverty Law Center a Montgomery Ala-

bamandashbased watchdog on issues of discrimination maintains a

nationwide list of ldquonativist extremistrdquo groups it says go beyondadvocating on immigration policy to targeting immigrants

themselves Oregonians for Immigration Reform is one of nine-

teen groups on the organizationrsquos nationwide list

Ludwick says this characterization of his group is unfair ldquoIf

I even question our immigration policies then Irsquom a racistrdquo he

says ldquoThatrsquos not it at all I want the United States to be a great

country that welcomes people from all over as we always have

But itrsquos foolish to think it will be i f we continue with our immi-

gration policiesrdquo

The grouprsquos status as an outsidermdashand its leaderrsquos view of its

place in Oregon politicsmdashchanged in 2014

Oregon once had relatively lax laws when it came to granting

driversrsquo licenses Starting in 2008 the state legislature required

proof of citizenship or legal residency such as a Social Security

number or other papers Latino groups (long courted by the

Democrats who run Salem) spent the next five years pushing

to overturn the law They succeeded in 2013 when lawmakers

established a ldquodriverrsquos cardrdquo for residents who could not prove

they were in the country legally

Oregonians for Immigration Reform fought the new law by

gathering the 58000 signatures needed to put the question on

the November 2014 ballot A ldquoyesrdquo vote would uphold the leg-

islaturersquos actions Backers including some farm groups saidthe measure was practical and compassionate But the mea-

sure became a proxy for frustration about the nationrsquos broken

The definition of what

it means to be anOregonian has shiftedas the state has seenimmigrants from AsiaEastern Europe and Africa The biggest shifthas been in the statersquos

Latino population which has grown fivetimes faster than thestate as a whole

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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15 FallWinter 2015 Move

immigration system and Oregon voters crushed the measure

two to one

The victory Ludwick says shows Oregonians agree with his

grouprsquos views that immigration is out of control and that the gov-

ernment should not be rewarding people who are here illegally

He says much of the country is with his groupmdashand the suc-

cess of Republican presidential candidate Donald Trumprsquos

rhetoric about immigrants is proof When he announced his

candidacy in June 2015 Trump said Mexico was dumping drug

dealers and rapists into the United States ldquoAnd some I assumerdquo

Trump added ldquoare good peoplerdquo

ldquoWhen he did thatrdquo Ludwick says ldquohe shot right up in the

polls He chose to talk about immigration because hersquos a guy who

likes leverage He knows thatrsquos a subject that appeals to regular

Americansrdquo

O R E GO N S A W ITS L A TINO P O P U L A TIO N GR O W A FTE R World War II when the United States opened its borders to bra-

ceros guest workers from Mexico who labored in the fields The

program ended in the mid-1960s but the statersquos farmers were

by then dependent on migrant workers United Farm Workers

(UFW ) leader Cesar Chavez often brought his protests to Ore-

gon denouncing the low wages unsafe conditions and abysmal

housing for many of the statersquos estimated 40000 migrant work-

ers half of whom took seasonal jobs in the Willamette Valley

The UFWrsquos actions sparked backlash against Latinos in

many places but Oregon turned away from a cultural battle In

1971 the Republican-controlled legislature passed a bill to stop

farmworkers from organizing They put intense pressure onthen-Governor Tom McCallmdasha fellow Republican who grew up

in a ranching familymdashto sign it McCall nearly did but protests

and vigils against the bill moved him (as did Chavezrsquos threats of

boycotts) and it troubled him that the state was about to deny

rights and protections for people who came here to work ldquoHellrdquo

McCall said when the bill-signing deadline approached ldquoIrsquom

going to veto that son of a bitchrdquo And he did Over the years

many migrants stopped moving around and settled in the Wil-

lamette Valley and they beckoned others from their home coun-

tries to join them

Teresa Alonso Leonrsquos family was among those who heard the

call Her parents arrived in Oregon without documentation Her

father left their home in Michoacaacuten in early 1980 and moved

to Clackamas where relatives had told him he could find bet-

ter-paying work than he had in Mexico In Oregon her parents

worked at least two jobs at a ti me often seven days a week For

four years her family lived in a ramshackle house in Gervais

without plumbing They used a n outhouse and hauled in buck-

ets of water filled from a garden hose to cook and clean In the

winter the water stored in the buckets indoors froze

Her parents wanted their children to avoid the life they had

as laborers and for Alonso Leon school was transformative She

quickly saw the need to learn Englishmdashher teachers made herrepeat first grade because she struggled with the new language

But she soon caught up and became the familyrsquos translator

during doctorrsquos visits or meetings at her school

ldquoI had to become the spokesperson for the familyrdquo she says

In 1986 Congress passed an immigration amnesty bill that

offered legal residency to 29 million people Not yet a teenager

Alonso Leon represented her parents as they met the require-

ments to earn legal status gathering work histories from past

employers studying US history and demonstrating basic Eng-

lish skills (Her parents earned legal residency that covered

Alonso Leon She became a US citizen in 2013)

Her family eventually moved to Woodburn where she

attended high school before earning her GED through a pro-

gram at the University of Oregon She went on to graduate from

Wester n Ore gon Uni versity and Portland Stat e University

where she earned a masterrsquos degree in public administration

Alonso Leon has spent most of her career looki ng for ways to

make school more avai lable to low-income students or those who

are the first in their families to attend college At Portland Com-munity College she helped develop a program to guide migrant

students in adjusting to their first year in college Today she

runs the state of Oregonrsquos GED program in the Department of

Community Colleges and Workforce Development which each

year helps 1700 students gain their high-school equivalency

Families like hers have worked here for decades paying ta xes

and working to offer their children better lives And Alonso

Leon worries that Oregon will declare its government recog-

nizes only English

ldquoIt sends the message that as a state wersquore denying that peo-

ple should be able to live here and speak their native languagerdquo

Alonso Leon says ldquo It also sends the message t hat i mmigrantsarrive and reject the language thatrsquos spoken here Thatrsquos not the

case People try to learn English because they wa nt to succeedrdquo

Alonso Leonrsquos parents still struggle with English even a fter

three decades in Oregon Mastering the language she says often

requires education and trainingmdashsomething that her parents

and many other immigra nts have lacked

ldquoMy parents worked two or three jobs at a time at low wages

all these yearsrdquo she says ldquoYou can say to my parents lsquoWhy have

you not done a better job of learning Englishrsquo The answer is

they spent all their time making sure their children were fed

and clothedrdquo

THE MEASUR E SUPPORTED BY OREGONIANS FOR IMMI-

gration Reform would if passed by voters require state and

local governments to conduct business in English Oregon

law already requires that in many cases even though Oregon

is one of nineteen states without a blanket official-language

declaration

But the Oregon measure could go beyond what other states

impose its language suggests that (with some exceptions) it

could become illegal for government agencies to provide com-

munications with the public in languages besides Englishmdash

despite the fact that 15 percent of Oregonians speak a languageother than English at home Portland Public Schools for exam-

ple prints materials for parents in several languagesmdasha practice

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities16

Ludwick says is a waste of money

Ludwick recalls an illustration he saw in a social studies text-

book he had in high school ldquoIt was of this giant cooking potrdquo

he says ldquoPeople from all over the world are jumping inmdashpeople

with sombreros and so on And in the picture Uncle Sam is stir-

ring itmdashstirring the pot the melting pot And the people who had

jumped in earlier are now climbing out dressed like Americans

They had coats and ties onrdquo

ldquoThe point isrdquo he says ldquoit was about assimilation It used to

be you come to America to become an American Not a Hispanic

American New immigrants today donrsquot want to be assimilated

They want to divide themselves off from us while imposing their

cultural beliefs on usrdquo

The threat Ludwick sees is about more than language Itrsquos

about influence and powermdashless about reforming immigration

laws than it is about forcing a cultural norm on Oregonrsquos immi-

grants His grouprsquos attention to Latinos in particular is basedin sheer numbersmdash40 percent of immigrants in Oregon were

born in Mexicomdashbut also on the success of organi zations such

as Causa Oregon to push a political agenda These groups have

had some victories including a 2013 law allowing college tuition

grants for undocumented students who attended Oregon high

schools But the doors of power have not been knocked open

The state has seen only one Latino elected official statewide

(former state schools superintendent Susan Castillo) and only

a handf ul of legislators

What Oregonians for Immigration Reform plays on is fearmdash

the fear of a non-Latino majority losing influence and facing

discrimination for not speaking Spanish In its troubled his-tory Oregon has turned on the ldquootherrdquo foreigners blacks any

faceless group accused of stealing something from the rest of us

including jobs culture andmdashnowmdashlanguage

The last thing Oregon needs is another dark chapter of rac-

ism disguised as nationalistic duty What the state could use

instead is a moment of illumination and courage

Itrsquos happened before in another context A half century ago

Oregon set out to protect its farms and forests by carefully plan-

ning for the rapid population growth that was coming Its lead-

ers (primari ly Governor Tom McCall) engaged in a long often

rending discussion about the need for land-use laws Invective

followedmdashfoes called Oregon a communist state and voters in

many parts of the state would still erase land-use laws from the

books in a hea rtbeat given the chance But it took someone with

guts to cha llenge hardened beliefs and prepare Oregon for the

future

Itrsquos time for another conversation this one about the chang-

ing face of the state Oregonrsquos long history with a whites-only

club running things is ending Imagine seeing a leader in Oregon

brave enough to embrace that futuremdashespecially now that the

nationrsquos political debate is oozing anti-immigrant poison

A future Oregon leader who gets up the nerve to t alk about

the value of a more diverse Oregonmdashand the need to account

for itmdashneed look no further than Woodburn a city that thirty

years ago no one would predict would be a model for cultural

tolerance The town struggled with change as Latino and Rus-

sian immigrants came to the area Today Woodburn proudly

talks of its ldquoLittle Mexicordquo business district The school district

has seen enormous success in graduating students from high

school in large part because of its bilingual approach in theclassroom The city routinely sends out information about the

library parks and water bills in English and Spanish And the

cityrsquos website has a button that allows visitors to translate its

pages into thirty-six lang uages

Alonso Leon says that despite Woodburnrsquos progress the city

has a lot of ground to gain when it comes to making itself open

to everyone She says the city council rarely sees members of the

Latino community appear before it and that the only Spanish

speakers who attend meetings on a regular basis are usually her

parents who like to watch her in action She says the city has

formed a committee to find ways Woodburn can knock down

cultural and language barriers that keep non-English speakersfrom believing they have a role in civic debates

ldquoWe need to do more to make ourselves inviting and avail-

ablerdquo she says ldquoTelling people only English is acceptable in

government runs against the idea that everyone has the right

to be heardrdquo

Alonso Leon won an appointment to city council in 2013 and

must run for her seat this year if she wa nts to keep it Shersquos never

sought public office before and she could appear on the same

election ballot as Trump and the Oregonians for Immigration

Reform measuremdashan irony that isnrsquot lost on her

Alonso Leon expects a campaign wil l test her Shersquod be the

third Latino elected to the council (shersquos the only one serving

there now) and she says she has never been afraid to tell her story

ldquoIf people are asking questions and scrutinizing who I am

that means theyrsquore considering me or someone like merdquo she

says ldquoAnd that in itself is progressrdquo

Brent Walth has been an Oregon journalist since 1984 Hersquos

the former managing editor at Willamette Week and senior

investigative reporter for the Oregonian and author of Fire at

Edenrsquos Gate a biography of Oregon Governor Tom McCall

Hersquos now an assistant professor in the University of Oregon

School of Journalism and Communication

The threat Ludwicksees is about more thanlanguage Itrsquos about

influence and power

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17 FallWinter 2015 Move

Communityin Flux

A long-persecuted people begins to speak out

I N P O R T L A N D T H E C H R I S T M A S O F 1 9 4 4 W A S B I T -

terly cold and blanketed in white It snowed for days and

stayed close to freezing as the New Year approached But Port-

landers were distracted from the unusually cruel weather by

news that Portland Mayor Earl Riley was forcing dozens of

Roma out of the citymdashand by God it was about time the news-papers crowed Although many members of the local Kalderash

community of Roma had been working in the Kaiser shipyard

factories for the US war effort elected officials law enforce-

ment and the media fell over themselves to justify r unning the

Roma out of town

The Oregon Journal reported that encouraged by police the

Romamdashdescribed as ldquothe gaily dressed wanderersrdquomdashasked for

assistance to return to Texas and New Mexico because Portland

was ldquotoo coldrdquo for them Mayor R iley p ersuaded the US Of fice

of Price Administration (OPA) the federal bureau in charge of

rationing to issue special gas rations to the Roma so they could

make the drive south

The Oregonian considered this a ldquonotable featrdquo by the mayor

not only because the OPArsquos rationing of items like gas rubber

sugar and butter was so strict but also because Riley was ldquogetting

rid of at least half the gy psies [who] have been afflicting the cityrdquo

ldquoWe are right proud of our mayorrdquo the paper wrote

This was the same Mayor Riley who is purported to be one of

the most corrupt mayors in Portlandrsquos history Though his office

accused the Roma of using fortune-telling as a front for prostitu-

tion Riley allegedly kept a special safe in City Hall just for the

bribes he collected from these same types of criminal opera-

tions He was neither indicted nor punished despite criticism bythe City Club of Portland instead he amassed a fortune in ille-

gal enterprises over his lifetime Meanwhile the Roma families

LISA LOVING

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Oregon Humanities18

A detective and two policemen

escort two arrested Romani women

from the paddy wagon into the

Police Headquarters building at SW

2nd amp Oak in 1951

in Portland barely got by sometimes using abandoned storefronts as homes

Carol Silvermanmdasha professor of cultural anthropology and folklore at the

University of Oregon who has studied worked with and advocated for Roma

locally and around the world for almost forty yearsmdashsays the group of Roma in

Portland who came to work in the shipyards during the war were turned upon

when the war was over ldquoJust like Rosie the Riveter when women no longer were

needed for welding and [were told they] should go back to the homerdquo Silverman

says ldquoit was perceived that this group of Roma was no longer needed in the cityPerceived as foreign outsiders dangerous [they were] given these gas rations to

drive out of staterdquo

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19 FallWinter 2015 Move

COURTESY THOMAS ROBINSON

Roma in America today are a community in flux Families

still identify their lineages through distinct ethnic communi-

ties sometimes called tribes including the Sinti Romanichal

and Kalderash and these communities tend to blend in with

the mainstream In the Northwest a look through local busi-

ness listings will not reveal any obvious groups or organiza-

tions serving them except a handful of very tight-knit Christian

churches Most Kalderash would prefer to live under the radar

says Silverman for a compelling historical reason almost

everywhere theyrsquove gone Roma people have been oppressed by

both government and society

Originally from India Roma communities are traditionally

nomadic From the fourteenth century until the Romanian

emancipation of 1864 Roma were enslaved and traded by the

local nobility in a large area of southern Romania including

Walachia and Moldovia with the support of church institutions

Roma moved to the Northwest in the largest numbers after1864 with Kalderash families settling in the area between 1880

and 1920 Silverman says ldquoFrom the first time they came to

America there were rules regulating where Roma could live and

where they could settle and even the kind of work they could do

Many cities had anti-fortune-telling edicts fortune-telling poli-

cies on the books Some cities actually still have themrdquo

Accused of being naturally inferior and prone to crime Roma

people in the Northwest have been targeted and harassed by

local law enforcement and negatively depicted in the media In

1906 the Oregonian wrote ldquoThe police allege that the gypsies

have such a penchant for stealing everything that is not nai led

down that it is necessary always to lsquokeep an eye on themrsquordquo Andthe Ashland Daily Tidings in 1916 wrote ldquoTrue to their inborn

instincts the horde of gypsies which passed through Ashland

last Sunday failed to get out of t he country without committing

a serious depredationrdquo

No scholar has studied discrimination against the Roma as

fully as Ian Hancock a University of Texas at Austin professor of

linguistics English and Asian studies who laid out his findings

in a 2007 research paper He writes that despite five special US

Congressional sessions addressing the increase in anti-Romani

hate crimes in Europe and the correlative increase in Romani

asylum seekers to the United States ldquoThere nevertheless remain

laws on the books in various states and counties that continue

to operate against Gypsies Many of these laws a list of which

fills thirty-four pages were inherited from Europe and were

intended to be used against the earlier Gypsy populations in the

United States they have since found new application against

the more recently arrived and more v isible Eastern European

Roma escaping the post-Communist increase in racial violence

in that region many of whom are seeking political asylum hererdquo

But despite the hostility they have traditionally faced

Romani people have also historically been linchpins of their

local economies Silverman says Roma in Europe worked in

metalcraft which t hey applied in the United States to recopperand re-tin household items at the turn of the century ldquoUntil the

1950s before stainless steel in order to have a working kitchen

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Oregon Humanities20

Most Americanshave no idea

that their owngovernment waspersecuting Romapeople at thesame time Romain Europe werebeing murdered inthe Holocaust

you had to have your pots and pans redonerdquo Silverman says ldquoThis was a real

Romani skillrdquo

This skill in metalwork was perfect for the emerging car industry in 1920s

and rsquo30s America ldquoRoma did this kind of service for many many Northwest

Americans and then eventua lly they got i nto t he car sales businessrdquo Silver-

man says The Romarsquos family-based car repair operations competed directly

with corporate auto repair shops offering an alternative to high-dollar services

with the personal attention of a family business So by World War II not only

was Mayor Riley rsquos expulsion of Roma families cruel but it also likely damaged

the local economy

Most Americans have no idea that their own government was persecut-

ing Roma people at the same time Roma in Europe were being murdered in

the Holocaust The Nazis killed an estimated 220000 to 500000 Roma men

women and childrenmdashperhaps 25 percent of the European Roma populationmdash

between 1935 and 1945 Morgan Ahern a SintiRomanichal Roma and founder

of Seattle-based organization Lolo Diklo Romani Against Racism believes

the number of Roma killed may be as high as 15 million ldquoMany [were killed] inconcentration campsrdquo she says ldquobut many more [were] just shot on the roadrdquo

Silverman agrees that the effect of the Holocaustmdashknown to some Roma as

the Porraimos or ldquothe devouringrdquomdashon the Roma has been ldquoa footnote in most

textbooksrdquo and is only starti ng to be examined in Holocaust museums because

of lobbying by Roma and their allies

Also overlooked in the history of Roma in the United States generations of

Roma children taken from their parents and warehoused in foster care systems

because of lifestyle differences and some families say racism Ahern was one

of those children removed from her family and put into foster care after her

parents were deemed unfit to ta ke care of her because they were Romani and

nomadic

Even today many Romani individuals and families lack birth certificatesand marriage certificates making them vulnerable to government officialsrsquo

whims Silverma n says ldquoThings like being fingerprinted havi ng a birth certifi-

cate might mean that your children are going to be taken away These historic

memories are very very very much alive for Romardquo

After generations of abuse a modest tide of Roma are beginning to speak out

about their civil rights and demand fair t reatment including fair accommoda-

tions in trying to obtain legal documentation for family members who were

born in the United States Silverman who is on the board of the nonprofit Voice

of Roma says she was involved in a c ase in Portland in which it was argued that

oral testimony in a birth is equivalent to a birth certificate ldquoWhen people bear

witness to a marriagerdquo Silverman says ldquoit doesnrsquot matter if therersquos no marriage

certificate It could be issued based on hindsight on memoryrdquo

For a community that has for generations avoided keeping their money in

bank accounts and sending their children to public schools social isolation is

giving way to an emerging movement for empowerment

On the East Coast Kalderash filmmaker George Eli produces films about

his family and is currently building a media channel on Roma And at the

University of Texas Hancock who is Romanichal Roma has spent decades

building the Program of Romani Studies and the Romani Arch ives and Docu-

mentation Center

Ahern founded Lolo Diklo which means ldquored scarfrdquo in 1986 along w ith a

fellow teacher at Seattle Central College The grouprsquos purpose is to document

discrimination and persecution of Romani Ahernrsquos fatherrsquos Romanichal fam-ily have lived in the United States since the 1700s and were originally sent from

Ireland by the British government as slaves Her motherrsquos family were Sinti who

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21 FallWinter 2015 Move

No documentsor oral histories

exist showingwhat happened tothe Roma familiesforced out ofPortland in 1944

arrived in the United States in the late 1930s

fleeing the climate in Germany Her maternal

grandmother pretended to be Italian to get into

the country

Over the years Ahern has traveled through-

out the West Coast lecturing about Roma cul-ture and civil rights She works with Romani

organizations across the United States South

America Canada Europe and Spain

Silverman adds that over the past twenty

years many American Roma have become

born-again Christians establishing their own

churches or joining evangelical congregations

Some of these church leaders are emerging as

community spokespeoplemdashsomething very

new for a community that has been persecuted

for so long ldquoThere are Roma who donrsquot want

to be left alone anymore because they are at a

disadvantage when they are left alonerdquo Silver-

man says ldquoThey are being very brave to actu-

ally interact with t he US court systemrdquo

But despite these efforts even today the dis-

crimination that Roma face by revealing their

heritage remains very real ldquoIn their historical

memory interacting with American institu-

tions has often resulted in a form of marginal-

izationrdquo Silverman says

For example Silverman describes ethnic

profiling by police bureaus through what wereknown as ldquobunco squadsrdquo police bureaus in

the South that had ldquoGypsy unitsrdquo to focus on

ldquoGypsy crimerdquo She says ldquoThis is ethnic profiling of crime

assuming that all Roma commit a certain kind of crime and

certain ki nds of crimes are only committed by Romardquo

The racial profiling of Roma people doesnrsquot stop with law

enforcement it is a staple of local news The language used

in Pacific Northwest news coverage in the past ten years to

describe alleged offenders has hardly changed from what was

writ ten in newspapers in the early 1900s

In 2007 a ldquoNight Cabbierdquo column in Willamette Week

sparked outrage ldquoThe Gypsies apparently are no jokerdquo the

unidentified cab driverwriter penned about the apparent rav-

ings of a customer ldquoDespite what we may think she explains to

us that real Gypsies arenrsquot nomadic livestock thieves but in fact

have been living in her neighborhood for decades And theyrsquore

very bad neighborsrdquo

ldquoThis is racist nonsenserdquo a reader responded ldquoInexcusable

for a serious newspaper to print such offensive content about areal livi ng breathing person in the neighborhood on account of

one of his neighbors For all we know this bigoted fool is the bad

neighborrdquo

No documents or oral histories exist showing what happened

to the Roma families forced out of Portland in 1944 Did they

stay in Texas Did they return to the Northwest Did they find

safety Or were they forced on toward some other location And

most important how in the Information Age is it possible that

the Roma experience has been all but forgotten by the main-

stream of society

Silverman holds out hope that organizations such as Voice of

Roma and Lolo Diklo can help Roma keep from getting caught inunfriendly bureaucratic systems as well as provide an opening

for more outreach and understanding The Portland Romani

Festival a one-day celebration featuring food music and infor-

mation on human rights issues affecting Roma people is ten-

tatively scheduled for late spring 2016 The Festival Romani

Facebook page is a fountain of music and cu ltural events par-

ticularly music performances up and down the West Coast

ldquoI think people should become knowledgeable about Romani

history and discrimination in order to combat itrdquo Silverman

says ldquoIt seems to me that while wersquore talking about ethnic a nd

racial diversity we can no longer eliminate a large group that

has suffered prejudice for so many years and continues to suffer

prejudicerdquo

Thanks to Fair Housing Council of Oregon for sharing this

story with Oregon Humanities through its history bus tour

Lisa Loving has reported on civil rights and diversity in

Oregon for more than fifteen years She is a news and

public affairs producer at KBOO Community Radio 907

FM in Portland and the former news editor of the award-

winning African American community newspaper the

Skanner Her new book How to Be a Citizen Journalist will

be released in 2017 by Microcosm Publishing

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Oregon Humanities22

Like all places Oregon has a brand an identity that distinguishes

it from other places This identity is a pastiche of characteris-

ticsmdashenvironmental and agricultural urban and rural intrepid and

entrepreneurialmdashthat become a kind of shorthand that rightly or

wrongly insiders and outsiders read to understand what this state

and its people collectively value But how much do we the resi-

dents of this place really know about the systems behind these

things that seem to represent our identity

On the pages that follow we look more closely at just four ofthese cultural identifiers and how they move through their individ-

ual systems coho salmon up the Columbia River past historical

sites trash recyclables reusables and compost from Portland to

other parts of the state and the world bicycles buses and cars

up a busy corridor through a rapidly changing neighborhood and

ideas measures and laws through what is sometimes called the

Oregon System

Thanks to sources at the Confluence Project Death with Dignity Friends of the Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge Heiberg Garbage and

Recycling Metro MIG Northwest Power and Conservation Council Ofce of the Secretary of State Oregon History Project Oregon Legis -

lature Portland Bureau of Transportation TriMet and US Forest Servicersquos Pacific Northwest Research Station for their help with this story

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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23 FallWinter 2015 Move

Salmon up the Columbia RiverAFTER SPENDING sixteen to twenty months at sea a coho

salmon begins her journey up the Columbia and Sandy Rivers

back to her natal spawning grounds This amazing biological phe-

nomenon is also rich with cultural significance and the landmarks

she passes upstream mark the politics and history of her species

1 Salmon were central to the Chinook that once inhabited villages

along the lower Columbia and seining was the most important

method used to catch the fish As runs declined in the early twen-

tieth century white fishermen drove the Chinook off Sand Island

and Peacock Spit two of the most productive seining areas in

the estuary Seining was prohibited by Washington in 1934 and

Oregon in 1948

2 On March 16 1806 Meriwether Lewis drew and described a fish

brought to him at Fort Clatsop ldquoThe white Salmon Trout has

now made itrsquos appearance in the creeks near this place one of

them was brought us today by an Indian who had just taken it with

his gig this is a likness of itrdquo The fish was later classified as coho

salmon Oncorhynchus kisutch

3 In 1866 the brothers George W and William Hume and Andrew

S Hapgood established a salmon cannery at Eagle Cliff

Washington packing 4000 cases their first year In 1895 up to

50 Columbia canneries produced 635000 cases of salmon But

by 1977 the pack was just 2547 cases The last major cannery

on the Columbia closed in 1980

4 On November 5 1805 Lewis and Clark recorded a visit to the

ldquoQuathapotle Nationrdquo one of the largest Chinookan villages the

expedition encountered Today Cathlapotle is an archeological site

and the home of a modern plankhouse which serves as an outdoor

classroom and is used by the Chinook Indian Nation

5 In 2008 Maya Linrsquos sculpture Bird Blind was dedicated The blind

lists 134 plants documented by Lewis and Clark along with one

word on their status today thriving threatened endangered or

extinct Coho are listed as threatened today

6 In 2007 the Marmot Dam part of Portland General Electric hydro-

electric project in the Sandy River basin was removed due to

pressure from conservation groups and rising management costs

Built in 1913 by Portland Railway Light and Power Company the

dam provided hydroelectric power to Portland Today salmon navi-gate a free-flowing river mdashTRM

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities24

1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every

other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-

cling one of a number of independent haulers

in the Metro region grind their gears uphill

traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food

scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-

board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue

recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in

the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green

roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-

egory recycling compost and yard waste and

garbage

2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly

either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-

gon Recycling System past the airport in East

Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery

facilities (there are a handful in the region)

which then sell the materials based on demand

in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others

in foreign countries such as China

3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable

waste the other trucks head to Metro Central

Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro

South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-

tions in the region Last year almost a half a

million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos

two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins

other company haulers contractors with con-

struction waste and residential customers with

miscellaneous items not picked up through

home collection service At the transfer station

the sorting process begins

4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature

Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-

ogy Organics outside of North Plains about

twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about

twelve miles north of Corvallis

5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household

items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material

in roads

6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader

then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time

is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer

stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a

three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty

no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush

plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo

According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the

garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material

The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is

often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per

minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to

an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the

plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity

powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM

Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland

Waste fromSouthwestPortland

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25 FallWinter 2015 Move

1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in

winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period

in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a

twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source

TriMet)

HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make

every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-

tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed

Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-

age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo

In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin

Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the

new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue

represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even

signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from

the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles

per hour depending on the time of day

The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars

buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic

signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and

emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one

hundred intersections throughout Portland

Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North

Williams today reflects a different wave of development and

demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share

the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to

bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes

to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density

residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG

Traffic on North Williams Avenue

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities26

Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect

changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-

erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed

law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or

rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already

passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a

referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather

than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-

ers approved this system in 1902

This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an

initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on

a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided

driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal

documentation of US citizenship status

1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three

ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)

Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text

of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall

issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to

provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)

2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-

tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)

3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of

Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative

petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State

Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal

Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)

4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is

certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults

to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88

58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold

of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to

qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-

ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without

requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to

Dec 2013)

5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88

Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor

Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)

6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51

to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails

666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-

croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered

by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed

lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move

(2003)

7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block

saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-

zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the

case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor

General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the

practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The

US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide

law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG

Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer

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27 FallWinter 2015 Move

SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137

983158983151983145983139983141

N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -

room closet I came across a box of old family photographs

I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color

photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-

ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five

standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie

primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos

hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-

tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against

the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But

the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a

frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat

in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple

of the Sun

A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -

graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one

end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both

L A I L A L A L A M I

Al-Mursquoallaqat

The GoldenOdes of Love

J E N W I C K S T U D I O

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Oregon Humanities28

of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels

science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-

raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to

love books so much perhaps books provided them an education

about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing

from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches

that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-

ing the reign of King Hassan

It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned

to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed

copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from

friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about

whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-

drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new

offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte

which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne

Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others

Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les

petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why

the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion

Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which

the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to

either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan

tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three

Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords

and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo

Of course none of the characters in these books looked or

spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly

all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan

bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their

homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my

own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they

had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary

world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an

alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define

normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like

my country my imagination had been colonized

I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly

the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-

acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the

fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled

my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high

school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes

where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-

yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as

well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father

said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it

was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted

D RISS C H RAI BI

LA

CI VI LISA TIO N

MA M E R E

PAR

ALEXANDRE DUMAS

Taha Hussein

THE

DA YS

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29 FallWinter 2015 Move

When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same

school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum

el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine

At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were

taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled

with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still

the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-

language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from

the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi

al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the

Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese

Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-

moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some

of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved

each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a

classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-

els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan

authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-

tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren

It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read

adult literature on my own and independently from school that

I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-

ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos

La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a

sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin

Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book

that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment

of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read

lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was

as fertile ground for fiction as any other

And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature

nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in

French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after

all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-

latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss

Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was

ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a

particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made

it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I

was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train

in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco

medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-

ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my

hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat

or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-

matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely

be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study

linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in

a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in

an analytica l way

Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in

Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship

to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait

I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and

racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School

of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work

of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went

back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how

often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes

Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in

our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in

formal soireacutees French was de rigueur

Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-

guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles

and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in

English which made me think even more about the relationship

between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a

prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power

an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people

The education I had received had emphasized the importance

of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our

media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the

shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed

in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored

by the French government for free access to books The role of

Every time I went back

to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much

and how often we moved

between French and

Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not

went through life

switching between codes

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Oregon Humanities30

French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a

cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no

longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case

of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should

not be writing at all

I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish

after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried

to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of

me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that

stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have

immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the

native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow

me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred

to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic

languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought

Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my

days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use

English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the

linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh

perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a

child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-

gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the

same story

I have always written because I have always had the urge to

tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided

that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-

thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my

race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-

larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while

the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and

waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had

enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos

phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-

rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat

seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of

others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the

works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s

such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in

the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and

sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing

graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had

always told stories but now I wanted to be heard

This essay was first published in World Literature Today

Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami

Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The

Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The

Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy

Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for

Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016

Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16

and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for

more information and to buy tickets

Writing in French came

at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial

baggage that I no longer

wanted to carry I started

to suffer from a peculiar

case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic

perhaps I should not be

writing at all

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31 FallWinter 2015 Move

A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good

LORETTA STINSON

I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M

every day after work waiting for Bruce to

get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching

myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me

sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on

from a distance at whatever is happening to

me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie

and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-

kick of the star or I play a supporting role but

I am definitely not the star of this movie The

moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom

just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been

able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed

freak for fifteen years

Sun through the small rectangular win-

dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats

wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in

1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from

the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom

watchi ng my past present a nd future selves

do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental

after another waiting for the next bad thing

to happen and not getting out of the way even

when I see it coming The habit of living in con-

stant fear and the resignation that nothing can

ever change are the glue that holds me in place

This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting

on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on

Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on

hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the

future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who

can only be counted on not to be counted on

In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses

and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about

J U L I A N N A B R I O N

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Oregon Humanities32

detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot

change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-

ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what

the old-timers were saying Needless to say

I didnrsquot

Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go

home and try some new strategy to make Bruce

quit using I once read a book about how sugar

was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding

him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein

diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck

them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat

and beer is a very filling meal in itself When

he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put

in front of him but speed and alcohol are his

drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-

ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never

remembers what he does to me and since he

doesnrsquot remember I have to forget

It be what it be Bruce says about all things

unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color

electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it

be Today I see things clearly for the first time

Today I see myself on this couch waiting for

someone else to do the changing Today I see

that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be

my life until the day he kills me or he dies or

I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been

disappointed too many times Addiction his to

drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove

been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot

see my part until now

My only friend has been telling me for

months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I

have left many times for a day or a week but

Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop

drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs

to me for the first time that this is absurd and a

huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe

itrsquos me who needs to change and not because

that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction

is his business

Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll

be wasted because it was payday and most of

his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-

ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood

alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or

hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how

those will interact with his mood the kind of

day he had and if hersquos eaten

None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for

such a long time that I could Like every person

who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that

if I did all the right things I would figure out a

way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on

his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine

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33 FallWinter 2015 Move

I worked like some kind of crazy statistician

making up story problems to predict what he

might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job

and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without

eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito

at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos

left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going

to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-

ing home mistakes his second wife for his first

wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out

Please show your work

I have never been able to figure out the rec-

ipe for equilibrium His or mine

Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce

comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not

wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face

slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat

the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says

Itrsquos not really a question but I answer

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him

clearly for the first time I see his addiction in

action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have

nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest

thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can

do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look

at him for too long when hersquos been drinking

kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash

you just back away slowly and try not to piss

him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows

too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how

little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs

to believe because he has to be mad at some-

one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom

just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by

the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about

nothing that it was never my face that pissed

him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He

needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave

to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do

no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a

revelation

He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you

looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on

the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-

spread that covers its stained sagging cush-

ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier

mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore

afraid when hersquos like this and they should be

Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that

hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what

if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already

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Oregon Humanities34

dead or at least not living just existing on the

edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story

Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom

suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am

afraid of being killed

I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to

make a home The china teacups that I str ung

together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks

in the window like a mobile The plants my

booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the

sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the

bed my dad and I refinished before I left home

The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday

The fifteen years of history we have together

one year short of half my life tonight not all of

it bad He is no monster just a man struggling

wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to

face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo

He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo

He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo

Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He

screams them at me knowing how in the past

these are the very words that made me cling to

him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go

Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but

this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest

the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about

his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does

Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom

seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man

Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried

to help for his own good right This man Irsquove

tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody

made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when

I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself

Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the

usual responseI know three things tonight Number one

If I stay this will be my life until I die Number

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities36

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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37 FallWinter 2015 Move

M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN

he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline

somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and

believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he

turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean

for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees

in rows

My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home

at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York

City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for

rows of buildings

ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says

In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark

skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the

Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n

My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I

met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo

My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too

often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance

of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He

was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister

a year later

My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my

father a suit They seem happy in the picture

Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put

half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband

My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years

My grandmother died

All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a

life rocked with waves

P A I G E

V I C K E R S

JASON ARI AS

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Oregon Humanities38

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have

let that slip through thecracksrdquo

My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes

My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why

Grandma was hiding

Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here

To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-

vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where

we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We

have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo

I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened

My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next

closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed

a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time

tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the

process

Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends

Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his

giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist

until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again

We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in

the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-

ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-

lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be

Ama zons)

The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door

I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour

feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean

ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said

We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not

about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same

ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As

kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon

I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower

water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the

high tide after being beached again and again

One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom

decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia

One of my new Olympian friends flicked a

match that started a fire inside my mattress I

tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking

Mom came home and we put the burning

bed outside

This isnrsquot a metaphor

I slept on the floor of my bedroom that

night missing the ocean of Grayland while my

mom and sister shared their bed in the room

next to mine The next morning my mattress

was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-

ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a

popular song on the radio at the time One of us

would start singing the lyrics

How can we dance when our earth is turning

and then wersquod all join in

How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh

But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame

Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-

land That no matter how many times we

were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty

porous flotation device on which to try to

reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe

even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the

way we did as something gia nt and limit less

something to be feared and conquered some-

thing to be moved by

In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a

flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called

my name and the light receded back down the

hall disappearing into the living room and

slipping out the front door

We discovered that the flickering light had

left wax shapes on the carpet of our living

room that could have been bad pentagrams or

the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It

left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot

take any money It left us wondering if some

past boyfriend had found us somehow

Whi le we were out the next day somebody

hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment

door Mom winced at the divots denting the

wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing

mechanism once was with her hand

We left the dishes in the sink

We left no forwarding address

We boarded a bus

Two days later we were on the doorstep of

the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with

a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my

backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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39 FallWinter 2015 Move

in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever

received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer

trophies in the other

At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude

who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-

thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been

there were two concave smooth-skinned div-

ots She was always smiling I liked watching

how Jude listened

Before long the four of us moved into an

apartment between Portland and Gresham It

was right on the MAX line and right on the city

line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-

landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign

that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block

to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch

my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but

Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the

perfect space for her She said it was easier for

her to know where everything was in a smaller

environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond

than an ocean

One day Jude brought her new boyfriend

home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo

ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said

Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor

and said ldquo White peoplerdquo

I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was

wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what

ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to

a blind person

Red is the rage in your gut

White is the entrapment of the disabled

One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend

and her room became a closet again

We saw her a little and then not at all

Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to

Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally

almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of

my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday

cards and pictures that were inside it

Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-

day cards away

My wife and I began archiving our new fam-

ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with

the rest of them Our sons grew I became an

uncle My grandfather remarried and went

crazy My mother still has the same smile she

had when I was young

Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a

bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple

of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary

There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help

you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear

Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie

each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out

If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads

directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end

points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably

guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock

between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled

and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long

by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of

human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of

the Mayan calendar

In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and

I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of

the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam

When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-

land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else

ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says

one night while wersquore lying in bed

And I do

I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that

had to happen I listen to our breath

In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I

make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My

finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving

And then the line disappears

And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and

falling together

Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the

Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life

Poems and Stories of the Dead

If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between

Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities40

READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts

One hundred moves and not one of

them associated with the military

a job or being on the run

The Ledger

Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G

through a yard sale I picked up an old

ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-

ance Company of New York A large thin hard-

bound ledger black with a red spine eleven

inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by

insurance agents to track insurers and their

policies all entries written by hand There was

only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty

cents the rest of the pages were blank After

years of treasuring its antiquity but making

no entries of my own I tore the one used page

out and decided to start tracking al l my moves

before my memory lost track I sat down and

recorded all the moves I remembered over one

hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my

parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them

associated with the military a job or being on

the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-

derlust and exploration then relationships

and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad

landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just

being unable as a single parent to bear the rent

and high heating bills Once my oldest son and

I landed in a decent house that could hold us

indefinitely After three months I was drawn to

cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted

to gather them touch them fill their empti-

ness with our lives When I realized what was

going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in

that house for two years then moved to Hawai i

Now the kids are grown the grandkids are

teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos

no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-

foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a

semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided

me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she

said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo

As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot

out of my feet and sink into the ground I was

so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here

three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot

want to move

What have I lea rned th rough al l these

moves Adaptability being and living in the

now and that there is glory in both staying and

moving but it is much easier and cheaper to

stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland

Out of the Nest

I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E

back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze

tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last

time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex

where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs

Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot

stepped inside the apartment for eight months

To do so would risk my life

ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-

tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February

I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following

weekmdashfor six months

Left behind with Michael were our surro-

gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy

and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned

starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier

It was last October when I first developed

symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-

ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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41 FallWinter 2015 Move

This is where the plates layers of crust

crashed into each other in a fiery show

perhaps tens of thousands of years ago

Soon breathing was excruciating I took

shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain

Paralyzing fatigue set in

My endocrinologist suspected chronic

obstructive pulmonary disease which made

little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I

began scouring descriptions of lung conditions

Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity

pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung

Relief and terror flooded in

If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-

monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a

terminal condition in which scarring causes

respiratory failure within three to five years

Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif

caught early But the solution is drastic We

would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-

ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even

be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the

parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would

have a new ending

Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms

lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper

grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-

pice moments before plummeting

Today we are moving the last of our belong-

ings into our first house The kitties and birdies

have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed

While I cannot hold my babies I watch them

on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the

two-way speaker

From rescue feedings to teenage angst to

nighttime vigils during illness in caring for

these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging

from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety

Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey

take their first tentative steps toward flight

Today I learned the most painful lesson let-

ting go

MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene

Subduction Zones

T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK

were on an af ternoon in early Septem-

ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for

the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper

and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our

ankles

Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-

berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend

and is directly responsible for the creation of

Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back

then one that I sometimes imagined looked

like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus

Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of

the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale

their name suggests but the result of plates

shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-

tion led to the formation of the trio This is

where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into

each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-

sands of years ago Subduction zones are places

where great trauma lies

And here I was all these years later in the

shadows of these mountains loss everywhere

Later that day back at our apartment we

walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit

into anymore For more than a year we went

through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern

Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that

followed us Then one day our four-year-old

daughter started a conversation that shook me

ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo

I nodded

ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so

sadrdquo

Six words leapt at me

ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo

We moved back to Ash land where brig ht

red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-

hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot

know it then but we were charting our own

map however imperfect Healing crept up on

us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-

ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew

Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng

up the darkness Seventeen years passed

And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most

folks want to flee helps you see things more

clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in

its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along

VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland

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Oregon Humanities42POSTS

continued from previous page

Just to

underscore

how settled we

planned to be

we unpacked

EverythingEven the

heirloom china

which had never

before left its

boxes We were

here to stay

Dance Church

SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I

go to church Dance church A church

where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers

to recite A church where at first glance outsid-

ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon

arriving I see a few little munchkins running

around with oversize neon headphones on to

protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music

set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with

rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors

There are flowers candles pillow puddles

beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some

kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in

alignment with the morningrsquos intention

As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s

become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-

tainer in which I can move once again after

years of chronic freezing and dissociating A

trapped animal released back into the wild

wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom

in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism

evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with

anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our

spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist

The music awakens the holy spirit within

me and dances me through throngs of people

I am an antelope cut loose checking out the

creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns

bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms

Each stunning in their authentic movement I

see people falling in love with each other from

a distance I see a girl rocking four different

Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed

like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands

ldquopracticing dancingrdquo

This is the church of Miriam the biblical

tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of

years later I move here and I am reunited with

my self my best self my most curious mischie-

vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self

Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten

invited back in the room to whip her hair back

and forth I throw my head back in delight and

laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like

hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form

of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music

EMILY I BEDAL Portland

Again

M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R

upwardly mobile engineer That trans-

lated into at least one move per year until I was

eight and another address for high school I

moved every year in college one year twice I

moved three times during my first stint in Bos-

ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-

ment for the whole two years Then it was back

to Boston where I lived in five different homes

in five years

Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for

the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe

two years back East then back to New Mexico

in two different cities three different homes

Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates

what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo

From Albuquerque we moved to our present

home in Port Orford my thirt ieth

Moving has always been exciting cathar-

tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books

by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally

donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-

ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated

magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets

ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit

thatrsquos never happened In each new house

wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos

never worked

We vowed Port Orford would be our final

ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore

how settled we planned to be we unpacked

Everything Even the heirloom china which

had never before left its boxes We were here

to stay

Except it seems wersquore going to have to move

again but not for the exciting futures wersquod

always envisioned before Now we need doctors

and hospitals and a nearby airport for family

visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is

on the other side of adventure Now we need a

place to feel safe secure

So the sorting and throwing out is about to

begin yet again There are closets and drawers

that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to

dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of

booksmdashto give away This move exciting No

way The very thought of it exhausts me

Still those other feelings cathartic freeing

new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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43 FallWinter 2015 Move

Next theme Root

For the Spring 2016 issue tell

us your stories about rooting

around taking root being

uprooted or root-bound getting

to the root of a problem being

the root of the problem rooting

someone on Share stories and

ideas about beginnings origins

and foundations Analyze a

historical or contemporary

grassroots effort Describe

the tension between staying

put and being stuck Send your

submission (400 words maxi-

mum) by February 15 2016 to

postsoregonhumanitiesorg

Submissions may be edited for

space or clarity

Listen to Your Body

I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y

motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease

Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit

and spot-on timing Though she was confined

to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was

still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her

sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-

cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone

have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but

aching joints diminished strength and a fal-

tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back

Those maladies werenrsquot the result of

chronic disease More like lack of exercise At

some point in the past decade or so I developed

an aversion to any fitness routine That choice

has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo

class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community

Center

Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the

center for the past thirty-six years teaches

the dance-infused workout three days a week

Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at

the core of each class She dispenses praise as

we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform

deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements

and she encourages each of us to breathe and

listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably

youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying

ballet seriously By then her versatility as an

actress singer dancer and comedian had been

evident in community theater productions in

the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although

not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few

years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe

continues to lead a full life She can still stand

and press her palms flat to the floor despite

relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip

notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg

and stretch at the barre

A role model for agi ng wit h presence and

dignity Lynn maintains her considerable

charm and elegance and purposely keeps her

body and mind active Like my mother she

is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has

inspired me to accept what my body can do

today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow

Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for

getting up in the morning And by some mea-

sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE

Portland

Over the Hill

I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D

eleven times in three years I worked spring

through fall as a natural history guide in

Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure

where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned

into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply

moved around A lot With each new tempo-

rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked

clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was

nothing

At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the

person who would become my life partner

another seasonal worker We would move from

Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We

lived one magical off-season on a houseboat

on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the

ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught

me I loved wide-open spaces What could be

wider than the Pacific A fter one more season

of guiding I came back to the coast and decided

to stay

I volunteered my way into one steady job

and eventually landed another at the local

college After a few more seasons my partner

came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota

and we bought another together He built a

business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our

hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and

had a child Wersquod officially settled down

The economic hardships of rural living

however are real job opportunities decline

and can no longer support the life wersquove built

The accumulation of years no longer fits into

the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner

took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast

and we lived as a split family The split was tax-

ing though so we decided to make the move

to the city We left the first community of our

adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven

ourselves The only community our daughter

has even known Friends asked me not to go

Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart

still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the

sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes

at the memory of that moon over Tillamook

Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot

nothingmdashitrsquos every thing

NANCY SLAVIN Portland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities44

Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm

LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015

This intertwined story of two

teenage girls and their mothers

is set in New Orleans during

and after Hurricane Katrina

In her debut novel Urbani an

Oregon writer with Southern

roots brings a maternal touch

to the narrative handling trag-

edy with a careful soulfulness

and love This honest yet brutal

story will simultaneously break

and warm your heart

mdashAnnie Kaffen

At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015

Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French

Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the

Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural

French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-

tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans

and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a

snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland

Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015

Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the

Oregon physician and radicalrsquos

extraordinary experiences

from her early years working in

a textile mill in New Bedford

Massachusetts through her

activist years in Oregon includ-

ing a three-year term at San

Quentin State Prison Equi lived

openly as a lesbian beginning in

the 1890s and was one of the

first practicing female doctors

in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and

compassion for others with a

strong personal belief in social

and economic justice

mdashCarole Shel lhart

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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45 FallWinter 2015 Move

People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015

This debut collection from

Portland writer Margaret

Malone is filled with brief

bitterly funny stories about the

sort of people who tie them-

selves in knots in their heads

and feel uncomfortable in their

own skin and can never quite

bring themselves to say the

words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point

includes all of us

mdashBen Waterhouse

The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015

Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer

The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with

Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research

for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the

first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of

revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced

a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer

in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he

writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo

mdashMaggie Starr

To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for

Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon

Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205

Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe

Sasquatch Books 2015

Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter

Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt

to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography

in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers

a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden

rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance

sounds smells and much more

mdashBen Waterhouse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4648

Oregon Humanities46

Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson

February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum

1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg

CROPPINGS

Wendy Red Star Untitled

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities programs are

funded by the National Endowment

for the Humanities and the Oregon

Cultural Trust and by contributions from

individuals foundations community

organizations and corporations For

more information about Oregon

Humanities or to learn how you can help

more Oregonians get together share

ideas listen think and grow please

contact us at

921 SW Washington Street Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax

(503) 241-0024

ohmoregonhumanitiesorg

oregonhumanitiesorg

Staff

e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r

Adam Davis

facilitation and tra ining manager

Rachel Bernstein

communicationsprogram associate

Eloise Holland

editorassociate director

Kathleen Holt

development director

Kamla Hurst

program officer

Annie Kaffen

office manager

Mikaela Schey

director of finance and oper ations

Carole Shellhart

development associate

Maggie Starr

communications associate

Ben Waterhouse

program coordinator

Kyle Weismann-Yee

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Board of Directorsch a i r

Sona Karentz Andrews Portland

v ic e ch a i r

Janet Webster Newport

tr e a s u r e r

Jeff Cronn Portland

secretary

Matthew Boulay Salem

Paul Duden Portland

Kimberly Howard Portland

Nels Johnson Portland

Emily Karr Portland

Shannon Mara Bend

Win McCormack Portland

Alberto Moreno Portland

Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego

Ron Paul Portland

Denise Reed Astoria

Chantal Strobel Bend

Dave Weich Portland

Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED

Non-profit Org

US Postage

PAID

Permit No 1274

Portland OR

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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9 FallWinter 2015

Joaquin LopezThis project which is made possible by a

$110000 grant from the Creative Heights Ini-

tiative of the Oregon Community Foundation

wi ll create a place for ar tis ts and writer s of

color to share their work and will invite more

stories Holt says ldquoThis project is just the

beginning We hope to create a place for these

kinds of stories to live and be shared By set-

ting up this place other stories will come to usrdquo

The website is expected to launch in January

2017 To watch Future Portland visit oregon-

humanitiesorg

JULIA WITHERS

The Power of Story

Idea Lab guest inspires students to find meaningin stories

W H E N M U S I C I A N A N D C O M M U N I T Y

advocate Joaquin Lopez is able to con-

vince yout h that they have the power to make

their own lives meaningful he says ldquothey

become the owners of their own experiencerdquo

This summer Lopez shared his story with 120

rising high school seniors from around the

state at Oregon Humanitiesrsquo Idea Lab Sum-

mer Institute

A Partnership to Promote PublicConversation Around Palliative Care

The Cambia Health Foundation is proud to partner with Oregon Humanities to

help communities across Oregon talk about what maers most

Learn more at oregonhumanitiesorg

R U S S E L L

J Y O U N G

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities10

FundersKeep OregonListeningLearning andExploring

Thanks to the support of

our generous funders

Oregon Humanities

brings tens of thousands

of Oregonians togethermdash

face-to-face online and

on the pagemdashto talk

listen and learn from one

another The following

funders have recently

offered support to make

Oregon a more dynamic

and vital place to live

bull The Oregon Community

Foundation $110000

Creative Heights grant

to pursue a multimedia

project that explores land

loss by communities of

color in Oregon

bull The Maybelle Clark

Macdonald Fund

$20000 for matching

new and increased dona-tions over the last year

bull The Rose E Tucker

Charitable Trust $6500

for Conversation Project

bull Emily Georges Gott-

fried Fund $2000 for a

pilot project training high

school students to lead

community conversations

bull Union Bank of California

Foundation $2000 for

Humanity in Perspective

Idea Lab is a three-day program that brings

Oregon teachers and high school juniors

together to explore the pursuit of happiness

and how it shapes our world Students from

diverse communities and economic back-

grounds engage with big ideas through work-

shops lectures films and conversations This

year the weekend concluded with a special pre-

sentation by Lopez

Incorporating personal narrative lecture

and Latin American folk music into his perfor-

mance Lopez focused on the power of stories

to connect people to history themselves and

the world Lopez shared with Idea Lab students

how he came to terms with his ow n identity as

a queer Latino man by realizing that hersquos the

author of his own story and the creator of his

own happiness Students gave Lopez a stand-

ing ovation they appreciated his honesty

openness and confidence Courtney Ford astudent from De La Salle North Catholic High

School commented ldquoHe left the audience with

ldquoAt Idea Lab I learned to see

the world not just as what it was

but as what it could berdquomdashMark Delgado Oregon Humanities Idea Lab alumnus (2010) and counselor (2015)

Help more Oregonians connect to life-changing ideas

Visit giveguideorgoregonhumanities to make a gift

through the Willamette Week rsquos 2015 GiveGuide

inspiration to truly be themselvesrdquo

Lopez believes in the potential of the

humanities to engage and empower people In

his work with youth at the Latino Networkmdash

a nonprofit with locations in Portland and

Gresham that promotes social change by unit-

ing the Latino communitymdashLopez manages

Studio Latino an after-school program that

focuses on Latin American arts and culture

The program was piloted last spring and this

year it will enter Reynolds High School in

Troutdale Gresham High School and Alder

Elementary in Portland Lopez works to incor-

porate themes of perseverance personal char-

acter and cultural identity into the program so

that students can bring those values with them

beyond high school

For Lopez creating spaces where youth can

be themselves and connect with each other is

a powerful way to make change ldquoStories havethe capacity to heal they remind us that we are

all in this togetherrdquo

JULIA WITHERS

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11 FallWinter 2015 FROM THE DIRECTOR

W H E N I W A S FIVE A ND L IVING IN A

small Minnesota city my fatherrsquos par-

ents visited from New York On Sunday morn-

ing we went as usual to Perkins where I did

what my parents had prepared me to do I asked

for pancakes but no bacon With enthusiasm

and pride I told my grandparentsmdashMoshe and

Lottie to most people Saba and Sabtah to memdash

that because they were there I was only having

pancakes no bacon

Two decades later I went to visit the fam-

ily of the woman who is now my wife While

most of the family ate snappy cheese and corn

pudding inside the Millersburg Kentucky

home my wifersquos fatherrsquos mother asked me on

the back porch what my belief was about Jesus

Christ She listened to the first tepid sentence

of my response and thanked me and walked

into the kitchen to urge her granddaughter to

be careful

A few years ago I went with my wife and

kids to the funeral of my wifersquos motherrsquos third

husband in a Southern Baptist church in a

small town in South Carolina In a departurefrom the churchrsquos usual practice a well-

known local musician sang ldquoImaginerdquo Two

of the three eulogies were delivered from the

altar by gay men When the preacher led us in

prayer and song my kids and I and I think my

wife were silent We knew neither the words

nor the tune

My kids now ten and eight tell people who

ask that they are both Christian and Jewish I

suspect my grandparents and my wifersquos grand-

parents would have said they are neither

I donrsquot think my kids know that they are a

thoroughly contemporary diluted amalgam

of Presbyterian Southern Baptist and Jew

Therersquos Scotch-Irish and English and Lithu-

anian and Polish in there Therersquos Kentucky

and Alabama and New York and Israel and

Minnesota and Chicago Therersquos other stuff

too They see themselves as OregoniansIn a short essay thatrsquos been on my mind re-

cently the author Toureacute thinks through how

he will raise children with his soon-to-be wife

He writes that it will be his job not hers to

bring blackness into the home He tries in his

essay to figure out what that could mean but

he seems certain that the job belongs to him

Earlier this fall at the Confederated Tribes

of Grand Rondersquos Third Annual History and

Culture Summit there was a good deal of

attention to cultural inheritancemdashwhat we

receive and what we pass on Several peoplespoke of thinking seven generations back and

seven generations forward I canrsquot go back four

and find the looking forward even hardermdashand

there we were thinking about this at just the

third-annual summit an old culture becoming

new again

This summit got me thinking about how

the more pressure your culture is undermdashthe

more persecution and threat it suffersmdashthe

more likely you may be to think carefully about

preserving it recognizing it passing it on

One thing thatrsquos been passed on to me is

an undiluted commitment to questions This

time of year with the holidays and their vari-

ous rituals upon us my big question is about

what Toureacute calls his job

Merry or happy or bountiful or blessed

whatever everyone and also this what of

what yoursquove received do you want to pass on

What would you be fine leaving behind And

what can you do to transmit the good stuff

inherited or acquired later seven generations

hence

What We Pass On

A DA M DAV IS

K I M N

G U Y E N

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Oregon Humanities12

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13 FallWinter 2015 Move

Whose StateIs This

Legal measures targeting LatinoOregonians reflect fears of change

I N TH E A U TU MN O F 1 980 TE R E S A A L O NS O L E O NrsquoS FA TH E R DE C IDE D TO TA KE A

rare day off from working in the fields near Clackamas to bring his daughters to what he thought

was a publ ic pa rk Alonso Leon who was five and her sister played catch their feet crunchingfallen leaves as they ran across the grass Then a car pulled up The driver got out and shouted at

Alonso Leonrsquos father The man spoke in English but her father spoke only SpanishmdashAlonso Leon

too They had only recently arrived from the southern state of Michoacaacuten Mexico to their new

home in Oregon The man grew more agitated gesturing and raising his voice until her father

gathered the girls and left

ldquoIt was a golf course or someplace people didnrsquot want kids playingrdquo Alonso Leon who is now

forty-one recalls ldquoMy father couldnrsquot read the signs and we had no idea what the man was saying

But the way the man spoke to my father that just stuck with merdquo

Alonso Leonrsquos fami ly are modern-day Movers people who made Oregon their destination of

hope for prosperity renewal and survival But her family would not have fit the original ideal

Movers was the nineteenth-century nickname for settlers who drove west in covered wagons

ldquoRestlessness was their dominant traitrdquo historian Malcolm Clark Jr wrote in his 1981 book Eden

Seekers ldquoThe gene of it was passed from father to son as a part of the act of procreation The fron-

tier was constantly reproducing itselfrdquo

For centuries the new Oregonians worked to make sure the reproducing gene was white W hen

it won statehood in 1859 Oregon was part of the anti-slavery Northmdashif only because its constitu-

tion excluded blacks from living within the statersquos borders (The provision wasnrsquot removed until

1926) Native tribes were shuffled to reservations and Chinese workers were attacked by white

residents in Oregon City La Grande and several other communities

The twentieth-century brought more hostility In 1920 state law required non-English news-

papers to print English translations Portlandrsquos black population swelled when the cityrsquos ship-

yards expanded during World War II and city leaders segregated African Americans in North

and Northeast Portland neighborhoods and nearby Vanport a slapdash public housing project ina floodplain near the Columbia River The state didnrsquot outlaw discrimination in housing restau-

rants hotels and other accommodations until the 1950s

BRENT WALTH

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities14

Oregon can no longer look in a mirror and see a bleached face

staring back In 1980 the first year the first year the CensusBureau included ldquoHispanicrdquo as a n ethnic category fewer than 7

percent of people in the state identified themselves as anything

other than ldquowhiterdquo Now according to the most recent Census

numbers nearly one quarter identify a s something other than

ldquowhite alonerdquo

The definition of what it means to be an Oregonian has

shifted as the state has seen immigrants from Asia Eastern

Europe and Africa The biggest shift has been in the statersquos

Latino population which has grown five times faster than the

state as a whole According to the Census 125 percent of the

population now identifies as Hi spanic or Latino Several cities

now count Latinos as the majority

One of those cities is Woodburn a Marion County town of

24000 where Alonso Leon now serves as a member of the city

council and where an acceptance of languages other than Eng-

lish has helped the community deal with change ldquoIf you donrsquot

have that you instead have misunderstanding and mispercep-

tions about other peoplerdquo Alonso Leon says ldquoWersquore not sitting

down together often enough as it isrdquo

Oregon has become a state of many languages But a small

effective and (many say) xenophobic group is pushing to put

a measure on the 2016 ballot that would declare English as the

statersquos official language Oregonians will need to decide if fear will divide the state over race ethnicity and how we talk to each

other

JIM LUDWICK SEES A DAY WHEN AMERICANS WILL BE

expected to speak both English and Spanish It worries him

ldquoBeing a bilingual country is breaking down people accord-

ing to where they came from rather than encouraging everyone

to be unitedrdquo Ludwick says ldquoItrsquos a tragedy waiting to happenrdquo

Ludwick a retired pharmaceuticals salesman from McMin-

nville is cofounder of Oregonians for Immigration Reform

which is pushing the Engl ish-only measure Since its found-

ing in 2000 the group has argued that the federal govern-

mentrsquos failure to enforce immigration laws has wreaked havoc

on the country The g roup opposes any government privileges

for undocumented residents including schools and health

care Oregonians for Immigration Reform he says favors the

deportation of anyone the government discovers is living in the

country illegally That includes the estimated 120000 undocu-

mented people living in Oregonmdasha number thatrsquos actually fallen

in recent years ldquoThis country was founded on the rule of lawrdquoLudwick says ldquoWersquore now seeing people openly violating our

immigration laws while try ing to impose new laws on usrdquo

For years Oregonians for Immigration Reform wasnrsquot taken

seriously in Salem or seen as a political threat Its leadersrsquo ten-

dency to broadbrush Latinos leaves many people uncomfort-

able When asked about immigration for example Ludwick

steers the conversation to ldquoillegalsrdquo stealing Social Security

numbers Mexicans run ning drugs a nd undocumented resi-

dents committing other crimes

The Southern Poverty Law Center a Montgomery Ala-

bamandashbased watchdog on issues of discrimination maintains a

nationwide list of ldquonativist extremistrdquo groups it says go beyondadvocating on immigration policy to targeting immigrants

themselves Oregonians for Immigration Reform is one of nine-

teen groups on the organizationrsquos nationwide list

Ludwick says this characterization of his group is unfair ldquoIf

I even question our immigration policies then Irsquom a racistrdquo he

says ldquoThatrsquos not it at all I want the United States to be a great

country that welcomes people from all over as we always have

But itrsquos foolish to think it will be i f we continue with our immi-

gration policiesrdquo

The grouprsquos status as an outsidermdashand its leaderrsquos view of its

place in Oregon politicsmdashchanged in 2014

Oregon once had relatively lax laws when it came to granting

driversrsquo licenses Starting in 2008 the state legislature required

proof of citizenship or legal residency such as a Social Security

number or other papers Latino groups (long courted by the

Democrats who run Salem) spent the next five years pushing

to overturn the law They succeeded in 2013 when lawmakers

established a ldquodriverrsquos cardrdquo for residents who could not prove

they were in the country legally

Oregonians for Immigration Reform fought the new law by

gathering the 58000 signatures needed to put the question on

the November 2014 ballot A ldquoyesrdquo vote would uphold the leg-

islaturersquos actions Backers including some farm groups saidthe measure was practical and compassionate But the mea-

sure became a proxy for frustration about the nationrsquos broken

The definition of what

it means to be anOregonian has shiftedas the state has seenimmigrants from AsiaEastern Europe and Africa The biggest shifthas been in the statersquos

Latino population which has grown fivetimes faster than thestate as a whole

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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15 FallWinter 2015 Move

immigration system and Oregon voters crushed the measure

two to one

The victory Ludwick says shows Oregonians agree with his

grouprsquos views that immigration is out of control and that the gov-

ernment should not be rewarding people who are here illegally

He says much of the country is with his groupmdashand the suc-

cess of Republican presidential candidate Donald Trumprsquos

rhetoric about immigrants is proof When he announced his

candidacy in June 2015 Trump said Mexico was dumping drug

dealers and rapists into the United States ldquoAnd some I assumerdquo

Trump added ldquoare good peoplerdquo

ldquoWhen he did thatrdquo Ludwick says ldquohe shot right up in the

polls He chose to talk about immigration because hersquos a guy who

likes leverage He knows thatrsquos a subject that appeals to regular

Americansrdquo

O R E GO N S A W ITS L A TINO P O P U L A TIO N GR O W A FTE R World War II when the United States opened its borders to bra-

ceros guest workers from Mexico who labored in the fields The

program ended in the mid-1960s but the statersquos farmers were

by then dependent on migrant workers United Farm Workers

(UFW ) leader Cesar Chavez often brought his protests to Ore-

gon denouncing the low wages unsafe conditions and abysmal

housing for many of the statersquos estimated 40000 migrant work-

ers half of whom took seasonal jobs in the Willamette Valley

The UFWrsquos actions sparked backlash against Latinos in

many places but Oregon turned away from a cultural battle In

1971 the Republican-controlled legislature passed a bill to stop

farmworkers from organizing They put intense pressure onthen-Governor Tom McCallmdasha fellow Republican who grew up

in a ranching familymdashto sign it McCall nearly did but protests

and vigils against the bill moved him (as did Chavezrsquos threats of

boycotts) and it troubled him that the state was about to deny

rights and protections for people who came here to work ldquoHellrdquo

McCall said when the bill-signing deadline approached ldquoIrsquom

going to veto that son of a bitchrdquo And he did Over the years

many migrants stopped moving around and settled in the Wil-

lamette Valley and they beckoned others from their home coun-

tries to join them

Teresa Alonso Leonrsquos family was among those who heard the

call Her parents arrived in Oregon without documentation Her

father left their home in Michoacaacuten in early 1980 and moved

to Clackamas where relatives had told him he could find bet-

ter-paying work than he had in Mexico In Oregon her parents

worked at least two jobs at a ti me often seven days a week For

four years her family lived in a ramshackle house in Gervais

without plumbing They used a n outhouse and hauled in buck-

ets of water filled from a garden hose to cook and clean In the

winter the water stored in the buckets indoors froze

Her parents wanted their children to avoid the life they had

as laborers and for Alonso Leon school was transformative She

quickly saw the need to learn Englishmdashher teachers made herrepeat first grade because she struggled with the new language

But she soon caught up and became the familyrsquos translator

during doctorrsquos visits or meetings at her school

ldquoI had to become the spokesperson for the familyrdquo she says

In 1986 Congress passed an immigration amnesty bill that

offered legal residency to 29 million people Not yet a teenager

Alonso Leon represented her parents as they met the require-

ments to earn legal status gathering work histories from past

employers studying US history and demonstrating basic Eng-

lish skills (Her parents earned legal residency that covered

Alonso Leon She became a US citizen in 2013)

Her family eventually moved to Woodburn where she

attended high school before earning her GED through a pro-

gram at the University of Oregon She went on to graduate from

Wester n Ore gon Uni versity and Portland Stat e University

where she earned a masterrsquos degree in public administration

Alonso Leon has spent most of her career looki ng for ways to

make school more avai lable to low-income students or those who

are the first in their families to attend college At Portland Com-munity College she helped develop a program to guide migrant

students in adjusting to their first year in college Today she

runs the state of Oregonrsquos GED program in the Department of

Community Colleges and Workforce Development which each

year helps 1700 students gain their high-school equivalency

Families like hers have worked here for decades paying ta xes

and working to offer their children better lives And Alonso

Leon worries that Oregon will declare its government recog-

nizes only English

ldquoIt sends the message that as a state wersquore denying that peo-

ple should be able to live here and speak their native languagerdquo

Alonso Leon says ldquo It also sends the message t hat i mmigrantsarrive and reject the language thatrsquos spoken here Thatrsquos not the

case People try to learn English because they wa nt to succeedrdquo

Alonso Leonrsquos parents still struggle with English even a fter

three decades in Oregon Mastering the language she says often

requires education and trainingmdashsomething that her parents

and many other immigra nts have lacked

ldquoMy parents worked two or three jobs at a time at low wages

all these yearsrdquo she says ldquoYou can say to my parents lsquoWhy have

you not done a better job of learning Englishrsquo The answer is

they spent all their time making sure their children were fed

and clothedrdquo

THE MEASUR E SUPPORTED BY OREGONIANS FOR IMMI-

gration Reform would if passed by voters require state and

local governments to conduct business in English Oregon

law already requires that in many cases even though Oregon

is one of nineteen states without a blanket official-language

declaration

But the Oregon measure could go beyond what other states

impose its language suggests that (with some exceptions) it

could become illegal for government agencies to provide com-

munications with the public in languages besides Englishmdash

despite the fact that 15 percent of Oregonians speak a languageother than English at home Portland Public Schools for exam-

ple prints materials for parents in several languagesmdasha practice

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities16

Ludwick says is a waste of money

Ludwick recalls an illustration he saw in a social studies text-

book he had in high school ldquoIt was of this giant cooking potrdquo

he says ldquoPeople from all over the world are jumping inmdashpeople

with sombreros and so on And in the picture Uncle Sam is stir-

ring itmdashstirring the pot the melting pot And the people who had

jumped in earlier are now climbing out dressed like Americans

They had coats and ties onrdquo

ldquoThe point isrdquo he says ldquoit was about assimilation It used to

be you come to America to become an American Not a Hispanic

American New immigrants today donrsquot want to be assimilated

They want to divide themselves off from us while imposing their

cultural beliefs on usrdquo

The threat Ludwick sees is about more than language Itrsquos

about influence and powermdashless about reforming immigration

laws than it is about forcing a cultural norm on Oregonrsquos immi-

grants His grouprsquos attention to Latinos in particular is basedin sheer numbersmdash40 percent of immigrants in Oregon were

born in Mexicomdashbut also on the success of organi zations such

as Causa Oregon to push a political agenda These groups have

had some victories including a 2013 law allowing college tuition

grants for undocumented students who attended Oregon high

schools But the doors of power have not been knocked open

The state has seen only one Latino elected official statewide

(former state schools superintendent Susan Castillo) and only

a handf ul of legislators

What Oregonians for Immigration Reform plays on is fearmdash

the fear of a non-Latino majority losing influence and facing

discrimination for not speaking Spanish In its troubled his-tory Oregon has turned on the ldquootherrdquo foreigners blacks any

faceless group accused of stealing something from the rest of us

including jobs culture andmdashnowmdashlanguage

The last thing Oregon needs is another dark chapter of rac-

ism disguised as nationalistic duty What the state could use

instead is a moment of illumination and courage

Itrsquos happened before in another context A half century ago

Oregon set out to protect its farms and forests by carefully plan-

ning for the rapid population growth that was coming Its lead-

ers (primari ly Governor Tom McCall) engaged in a long often

rending discussion about the need for land-use laws Invective

followedmdashfoes called Oregon a communist state and voters in

many parts of the state would still erase land-use laws from the

books in a hea rtbeat given the chance But it took someone with

guts to cha llenge hardened beliefs and prepare Oregon for the

future

Itrsquos time for another conversation this one about the chang-

ing face of the state Oregonrsquos long history with a whites-only

club running things is ending Imagine seeing a leader in Oregon

brave enough to embrace that futuremdashespecially now that the

nationrsquos political debate is oozing anti-immigrant poison

A future Oregon leader who gets up the nerve to t alk about

the value of a more diverse Oregonmdashand the need to account

for itmdashneed look no further than Woodburn a city that thirty

years ago no one would predict would be a model for cultural

tolerance The town struggled with change as Latino and Rus-

sian immigrants came to the area Today Woodburn proudly

talks of its ldquoLittle Mexicordquo business district The school district

has seen enormous success in graduating students from high

school in large part because of its bilingual approach in theclassroom The city routinely sends out information about the

library parks and water bills in English and Spanish And the

cityrsquos website has a button that allows visitors to translate its

pages into thirty-six lang uages

Alonso Leon says that despite Woodburnrsquos progress the city

has a lot of ground to gain when it comes to making itself open

to everyone She says the city council rarely sees members of the

Latino community appear before it and that the only Spanish

speakers who attend meetings on a regular basis are usually her

parents who like to watch her in action She says the city has

formed a committee to find ways Woodburn can knock down

cultural and language barriers that keep non-English speakersfrom believing they have a role in civic debates

ldquoWe need to do more to make ourselves inviting and avail-

ablerdquo she says ldquoTelling people only English is acceptable in

government runs against the idea that everyone has the right

to be heardrdquo

Alonso Leon won an appointment to city council in 2013 and

must run for her seat this year if she wa nts to keep it Shersquos never

sought public office before and she could appear on the same

election ballot as Trump and the Oregonians for Immigration

Reform measuremdashan irony that isnrsquot lost on her

Alonso Leon expects a campaign wil l test her Shersquod be the

third Latino elected to the council (shersquos the only one serving

there now) and she says she has never been afraid to tell her story

ldquoIf people are asking questions and scrutinizing who I am

that means theyrsquore considering me or someone like merdquo she

says ldquoAnd that in itself is progressrdquo

Brent Walth has been an Oregon journalist since 1984 Hersquos

the former managing editor at Willamette Week and senior

investigative reporter for the Oregonian and author of Fire at

Edenrsquos Gate a biography of Oregon Governor Tom McCall

Hersquos now an assistant professor in the University of Oregon

School of Journalism and Communication

The threat Ludwicksees is about more thanlanguage Itrsquos about

influence and power

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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17 FallWinter 2015 Move

Communityin Flux

A long-persecuted people begins to speak out

I N P O R T L A N D T H E C H R I S T M A S O F 1 9 4 4 W A S B I T -

terly cold and blanketed in white It snowed for days and

stayed close to freezing as the New Year approached But Port-

landers were distracted from the unusually cruel weather by

news that Portland Mayor Earl Riley was forcing dozens of

Roma out of the citymdashand by God it was about time the news-papers crowed Although many members of the local Kalderash

community of Roma had been working in the Kaiser shipyard

factories for the US war effort elected officials law enforce-

ment and the media fell over themselves to justify r unning the

Roma out of town

The Oregon Journal reported that encouraged by police the

Romamdashdescribed as ldquothe gaily dressed wanderersrdquomdashasked for

assistance to return to Texas and New Mexico because Portland

was ldquotoo coldrdquo for them Mayor R iley p ersuaded the US Of fice

of Price Administration (OPA) the federal bureau in charge of

rationing to issue special gas rations to the Roma so they could

make the drive south

The Oregonian considered this a ldquonotable featrdquo by the mayor

not only because the OPArsquos rationing of items like gas rubber

sugar and butter was so strict but also because Riley was ldquogetting

rid of at least half the gy psies [who] have been afflicting the cityrdquo

ldquoWe are right proud of our mayorrdquo the paper wrote

This was the same Mayor Riley who is purported to be one of

the most corrupt mayors in Portlandrsquos history Though his office

accused the Roma of using fortune-telling as a front for prostitu-

tion Riley allegedly kept a special safe in City Hall just for the

bribes he collected from these same types of criminal opera-

tions He was neither indicted nor punished despite criticism bythe City Club of Portland instead he amassed a fortune in ille-

gal enterprises over his lifetime Meanwhile the Roma families

LISA LOVING

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Oregon Humanities18

A detective and two policemen

escort two arrested Romani women

from the paddy wagon into the

Police Headquarters building at SW

2nd amp Oak in 1951

in Portland barely got by sometimes using abandoned storefronts as homes

Carol Silvermanmdasha professor of cultural anthropology and folklore at the

University of Oregon who has studied worked with and advocated for Roma

locally and around the world for almost forty yearsmdashsays the group of Roma in

Portland who came to work in the shipyards during the war were turned upon

when the war was over ldquoJust like Rosie the Riveter when women no longer were

needed for welding and [were told they] should go back to the homerdquo Silverman

says ldquoit was perceived that this group of Roma was no longer needed in the cityPerceived as foreign outsiders dangerous [they were] given these gas rations to

drive out of staterdquo

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19 FallWinter 2015 Move

COURTESY THOMAS ROBINSON

Roma in America today are a community in flux Families

still identify their lineages through distinct ethnic communi-

ties sometimes called tribes including the Sinti Romanichal

and Kalderash and these communities tend to blend in with

the mainstream In the Northwest a look through local busi-

ness listings will not reveal any obvious groups or organiza-

tions serving them except a handful of very tight-knit Christian

churches Most Kalderash would prefer to live under the radar

says Silverman for a compelling historical reason almost

everywhere theyrsquove gone Roma people have been oppressed by

both government and society

Originally from India Roma communities are traditionally

nomadic From the fourteenth century until the Romanian

emancipation of 1864 Roma were enslaved and traded by the

local nobility in a large area of southern Romania including

Walachia and Moldovia with the support of church institutions

Roma moved to the Northwest in the largest numbers after1864 with Kalderash families settling in the area between 1880

and 1920 Silverman says ldquoFrom the first time they came to

America there were rules regulating where Roma could live and

where they could settle and even the kind of work they could do

Many cities had anti-fortune-telling edicts fortune-telling poli-

cies on the books Some cities actually still have themrdquo

Accused of being naturally inferior and prone to crime Roma

people in the Northwest have been targeted and harassed by

local law enforcement and negatively depicted in the media In

1906 the Oregonian wrote ldquoThe police allege that the gypsies

have such a penchant for stealing everything that is not nai led

down that it is necessary always to lsquokeep an eye on themrsquordquo Andthe Ashland Daily Tidings in 1916 wrote ldquoTrue to their inborn

instincts the horde of gypsies which passed through Ashland

last Sunday failed to get out of t he country without committing

a serious depredationrdquo

No scholar has studied discrimination against the Roma as

fully as Ian Hancock a University of Texas at Austin professor of

linguistics English and Asian studies who laid out his findings

in a 2007 research paper He writes that despite five special US

Congressional sessions addressing the increase in anti-Romani

hate crimes in Europe and the correlative increase in Romani

asylum seekers to the United States ldquoThere nevertheless remain

laws on the books in various states and counties that continue

to operate against Gypsies Many of these laws a list of which

fills thirty-four pages were inherited from Europe and were

intended to be used against the earlier Gypsy populations in the

United States they have since found new application against

the more recently arrived and more v isible Eastern European

Roma escaping the post-Communist increase in racial violence

in that region many of whom are seeking political asylum hererdquo

But despite the hostility they have traditionally faced

Romani people have also historically been linchpins of their

local economies Silverman says Roma in Europe worked in

metalcraft which t hey applied in the United States to recopperand re-tin household items at the turn of the century ldquoUntil the

1950s before stainless steel in order to have a working kitchen

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Oregon Humanities20

Most Americanshave no idea

that their owngovernment waspersecuting Romapeople at thesame time Romain Europe werebeing murdered inthe Holocaust

you had to have your pots and pans redonerdquo Silverman says ldquoThis was a real

Romani skillrdquo

This skill in metalwork was perfect for the emerging car industry in 1920s

and rsquo30s America ldquoRoma did this kind of service for many many Northwest

Americans and then eventua lly they got i nto t he car sales businessrdquo Silver-

man says The Romarsquos family-based car repair operations competed directly

with corporate auto repair shops offering an alternative to high-dollar services

with the personal attention of a family business So by World War II not only

was Mayor Riley rsquos expulsion of Roma families cruel but it also likely damaged

the local economy

Most Americans have no idea that their own government was persecut-

ing Roma people at the same time Roma in Europe were being murdered in

the Holocaust The Nazis killed an estimated 220000 to 500000 Roma men

women and childrenmdashperhaps 25 percent of the European Roma populationmdash

between 1935 and 1945 Morgan Ahern a SintiRomanichal Roma and founder

of Seattle-based organization Lolo Diklo Romani Against Racism believes

the number of Roma killed may be as high as 15 million ldquoMany [were killed] inconcentration campsrdquo she says ldquobut many more [were] just shot on the roadrdquo

Silverman agrees that the effect of the Holocaustmdashknown to some Roma as

the Porraimos or ldquothe devouringrdquomdashon the Roma has been ldquoa footnote in most

textbooksrdquo and is only starti ng to be examined in Holocaust museums because

of lobbying by Roma and their allies

Also overlooked in the history of Roma in the United States generations of

Roma children taken from their parents and warehoused in foster care systems

because of lifestyle differences and some families say racism Ahern was one

of those children removed from her family and put into foster care after her

parents were deemed unfit to ta ke care of her because they were Romani and

nomadic

Even today many Romani individuals and families lack birth certificatesand marriage certificates making them vulnerable to government officialsrsquo

whims Silverma n says ldquoThings like being fingerprinted havi ng a birth certifi-

cate might mean that your children are going to be taken away These historic

memories are very very very much alive for Romardquo

After generations of abuse a modest tide of Roma are beginning to speak out

about their civil rights and demand fair t reatment including fair accommoda-

tions in trying to obtain legal documentation for family members who were

born in the United States Silverman who is on the board of the nonprofit Voice

of Roma says she was involved in a c ase in Portland in which it was argued that

oral testimony in a birth is equivalent to a birth certificate ldquoWhen people bear

witness to a marriagerdquo Silverman says ldquoit doesnrsquot matter if therersquos no marriage

certificate It could be issued based on hindsight on memoryrdquo

For a community that has for generations avoided keeping their money in

bank accounts and sending their children to public schools social isolation is

giving way to an emerging movement for empowerment

On the East Coast Kalderash filmmaker George Eli produces films about

his family and is currently building a media channel on Roma And at the

University of Texas Hancock who is Romanichal Roma has spent decades

building the Program of Romani Studies and the Romani Arch ives and Docu-

mentation Center

Ahern founded Lolo Diklo which means ldquored scarfrdquo in 1986 along w ith a

fellow teacher at Seattle Central College The grouprsquos purpose is to document

discrimination and persecution of Romani Ahernrsquos fatherrsquos Romanichal fam-ily have lived in the United States since the 1700s and were originally sent from

Ireland by the British government as slaves Her motherrsquos family were Sinti who

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21 FallWinter 2015 Move

No documentsor oral histories

exist showingwhat happened tothe Roma familiesforced out ofPortland in 1944

arrived in the United States in the late 1930s

fleeing the climate in Germany Her maternal

grandmother pretended to be Italian to get into

the country

Over the years Ahern has traveled through-

out the West Coast lecturing about Roma cul-ture and civil rights She works with Romani

organizations across the United States South

America Canada Europe and Spain

Silverman adds that over the past twenty

years many American Roma have become

born-again Christians establishing their own

churches or joining evangelical congregations

Some of these church leaders are emerging as

community spokespeoplemdashsomething very

new for a community that has been persecuted

for so long ldquoThere are Roma who donrsquot want

to be left alone anymore because they are at a

disadvantage when they are left alonerdquo Silver-

man says ldquoThey are being very brave to actu-

ally interact with t he US court systemrdquo

But despite these efforts even today the dis-

crimination that Roma face by revealing their

heritage remains very real ldquoIn their historical

memory interacting with American institu-

tions has often resulted in a form of marginal-

izationrdquo Silverman says

For example Silverman describes ethnic

profiling by police bureaus through what wereknown as ldquobunco squadsrdquo police bureaus in

the South that had ldquoGypsy unitsrdquo to focus on

ldquoGypsy crimerdquo She says ldquoThis is ethnic profiling of crime

assuming that all Roma commit a certain kind of crime and

certain ki nds of crimes are only committed by Romardquo

The racial profiling of Roma people doesnrsquot stop with law

enforcement it is a staple of local news The language used

in Pacific Northwest news coverage in the past ten years to

describe alleged offenders has hardly changed from what was

writ ten in newspapers in the early 1900s

In 2007 a ldquoNight Cabbierdquo column in Willamette Week

sparked outrage ldquoThe Gypsies apparently are no jokerdquo the

unidentified cab driverwriter penned about the apparent rav-

ings of a customer ldquoDespite what we may think she explains to

us that real Gypsies arenrsquot nomadic livestock thieves but in fact

have been living in her neighborhood for decades And theyrsquore

very bad neighborsrdquo

ldquoThis is racist nonsenserdquo a reader responded ldquoInexcusable

for a serious newspaper to print such offensive content about areal livi ng breathing person in the neighborhood on account of

one of his neighbors For all we know this bigoted fool is the bad

neighborrdquo

No documents or oral histories exist showing what happened

to the Roma families forced out of Portland in 1944 Did they

stay in Texas Did they return to the Northwest Did they find

safety Or were they forced on toward some other location And

most important how in the Information Age is it possible that

the Roma experience has been all but forgotten by the main-

stream of society

Silverman holds out hope that organizations such as Voice of

Roma and Lolo Diklo can help Roma keep from getting caught inunfriendly bureaucratic systems as well as provide an opening

for more outreach and understanding The Portland Romani

Festival a one-day celebration featuring food music and infor-

mation on human rights issues affecting Roma people is ten-

tatively scheduled for late spring 2016 The Festival Romani

Facebook page is a fountain of music and cu ltural events par-

ticularly music performances up and down the West Coast

ldquoI think people should become knowledgeable about Romani

history and discrimination in order to combat itrdquo Silverman

says ldquoIt seems to me that while wersquore talking about ethnic a nd

racial diversity we can no longer eliminate a large group that

has suffered prejudice for so many years and continues to suffer

prejudicerdquo

Thanks to Fair Housing Council of Oregon for sharing this

story with Oregon Humanities through its history bus tour

Lisa Loving has reported on civil rights and diversity in

Oregon for more than fifteen years She is a news and

public affairs producer at KBOO Community Radio 907

FM in Portland and the former news editor of the award-

winning African American community newspaper the

Skanner Her new book How to Be a Citizen Journalist will

be released in 2017 by Microcosm Publishing

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities22

Like all places Oregon has a brand an identity that distinguishes

it from other places This identity is a pastiche of characteris-

ticsmdashenvironmental and agricultural urban and rural intrepid and

entrepreneurialmdashthat become a kind of shorthand that rightly or

wrongly insiders and outsiders read to understand what this state

and its people collectively value But how much do we the resi-

dents of this place really know about the systems behind these

things that seem to represent our identity

On the pages that follow we look more closely at just four ofthese cultural identifiers and how they move through their individ-

ual systems coho salmon up the Columbia River past historical

sites trash recyclables reusables and compost from Portland to

other parts of the state and the world bicycles buses and cars

up a busy corridor through a rapidly changing neighborhood and

ideas measures and laws through what is sometimes called the

Oregon System

Thanks to sources at the Confluence Project Death with Dignity Friends of the Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge Heiberg Garbage and

Recycling Metro MIG Northwest Power and Conservation Council Ofce of the Secretary of State Oregon History Project Oregon Legis -

lature Portland Bureau of Transportation TriMet and US Forest Servicersquos Pacific Northwest Research Station for their help with this story

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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23 FallWinter 2015 Move

Salmon up the Columbia RiverAFTER SPENDING sixteen to twenty months at sea a coho

salmon begins her journey up the Columbia and Sandy Rivers

back to her natal spawning grounds This amazing biological phe-

nomenon is also rich with cultural significance and the landmarks

she passes upstream mark the politics and history of her species

1 Salmon were central to the Chinook that once inhabited villages

along the lower Columbia and seining was the most important

method used to catch the fish As runs declined in the early twen-

tieth century white fishermen drove the Chinook off Sand Island

and Peacock Spit two of the most productive seining areas in

the estuary Seining was prohibited by Washington in 1934 and

Oregon in 1948

2 On March 16 1806 Meriwether Lewis drew and described a fish

brought to him at Fort Clatsop ldquoThe white Salmon Trout has

now made itrsquos appearance in the creeks near this place one of

them was brought us today by an Indian who had just taken it with

his gig this is a likness of itrdquo The fish was later classified as coho

salmon Oncorhynchus kisutch

3 In 1866 the brothers George W and William Hume and Andrew

S Hapgood established a salmon cannery at Eagle Cliff

Washington packing 4000 cases their first year In 1895 up to

50 Columbia canneries produced 635000 cases of salmon But

by 1977 the pack was just 2547 cases The last major cannery

on the Columbia closed in 1980

4 On November 5 1805 Lewis and Clark recorded a visit to the

ldquoQuathapotle Nationrdquo one of the largest Chinookan villages the

expedition encountered Today Cathlapotle is an archeological site

and the home of a modern plankhouse which serves as an outdoor

classroom and is used by the Chinook Indian Nation

5 In 2008 Maya Linrsquos sculpture Bird Blind was dedicated The blind

lists 134 plants documented by Lewis and Clark along with one

word on their status today thriving threatened endangered or

extinct Coho are listed as threatened today

6 In 2007 the Marmot Dam part of Portland General Electric hydro-

electric project in the Sandy River basin was removed due to

pressure from conservation groups and rising management costs

Built in 1913 by Portland Railway Light and Power Company the

dam provided hydroelectric power to Portland Today salmon navi-gate a free-flowing river mdashTRM

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities24

1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every

other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-

cling one of a number of independent haulers

in the Metro region grind their gears uphill

traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food

scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-

board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue

recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in

the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green

roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-

egory recycling compost and yard waste and

garbage

2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly

either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-

gon Recycling System past the airport in East

Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery

facilities (there are a handful in the region)

which then sell the materials based on demand

in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others

in foreign countries such as China

3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable

waste the other trucks head to Metro Central

Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro

South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-

tions in the region Last year almost a half a

million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos

two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins

other company haulers contractors with con-

struction waste and residential customers with

miscellaneous items not picked up through

home collection service At the transfer station

the sorting process begins

4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature

Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-

ogy Organics outside of North Plains about

twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about

twelve miles north of Corvallis

5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household

items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material

in roads

6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader

then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time

is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer

stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a

three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty

no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush

plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo

According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the

garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material

The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is

often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per

minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to

an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the

plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity

powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM

Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland

Waste fromSouthwestPortland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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25 FallWinter 2015 Move

1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in

winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period

in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a

twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source

TriMet)

HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make

every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-

tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed

Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-

age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo

In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin

Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the

new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue

represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even

signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from

the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles

per hour depending on the time of day

The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars

buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic

signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and

emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one

hundred intersections throughout Portland

Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North

Williams today reflects a different wave of development and

demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share

the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to

bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes

to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density

residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG

Traffic on North Williams Avenue

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities26

Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect

changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-

erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed

law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or

rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already

passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a

referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather

than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-

ers approved this system in 1902

This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an

initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on

a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided

driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal

documentation of US citizenship status

1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three

ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)

Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text

of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall

issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to

provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)

2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-

tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)

3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of

Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative

petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State

Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal

Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)

4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is

certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults

to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88

58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold

of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to

qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-

ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without

requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to

Dec 2013)

5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88

Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor

Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)

6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51

to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails

666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-

croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered

by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed

lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move

(2003)

7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block

saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-

zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the

case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor

General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the

practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The

US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide

law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG

Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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27 FallWinter 2015 Move

SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137

983158983151983145983139983141

N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -

room closet I came across a box of old family photographs

I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color

photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-

ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five

standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie

primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos

hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-

tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against

the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But

the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a

frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat

in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple

of the Sun

A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -

graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one

end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both

L A I L A L A L A M I

Al-Mursquoallaqat

The GoldenOdes of Love

J E N W I C K S T U D I O

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities28

of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels

science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-

raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to

love books so much perhaps books provided them an education

about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing

from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches

that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-

ing the reign of King Hassan

It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned

to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed

copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from

friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about

whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-

drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new

offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte

which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne

Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others

Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les

petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why

the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion

Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which

the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to

either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan

tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three

Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords

and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo

Of course none of the characters in these books looked or

spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly

all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan

bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their

homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my

own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they

had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary

world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an

alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define

normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like

my country my imagination had been colonized

I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly

the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-

acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the

fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled

my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high

school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes

where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-

yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as

well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father

said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it

was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted

D RISS C H RAI BI

LA

CI VI LISA TIO N

MA M E R E

PAR

ALEXANDRE DUMAS

Taha Hussein

THE

DA YS

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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29 FallWinter 2015 Move

When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same

school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum

el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine

At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were

taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled

with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still

the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-

language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from

the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi

al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the

Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese

Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-

moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some

of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved

each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a

classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-

els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan

authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-

tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren

It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read

adult literature on my own and independently from school that

I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-

ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos

La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a

sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin

Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book

that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment

of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read

lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was

as fertile ground for fiction as any other

And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature

nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in

French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after

all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-

latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss

Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was

ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a

particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made

it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I

was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train

in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco

medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-

ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my

hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat

or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-

matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely

be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study

linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in

a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in

an analytica l way

Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in

Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship

to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait

I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and

racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School

of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work

of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went

back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how

often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes

Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in

our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in

formal soireacutees French was de rigueur

Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-

guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles

and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in

English which made me think even more about the relationship

between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a

prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power

an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people

The education I had received had emphasized the importance

of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our

media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the

shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed

in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored

by the French government for free access to books The role of

Every time I went back

to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much

and how often we moved

between French and

Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not

went through life

switching between codes

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Oregon Humanities30

French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a

cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no

longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case

of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should

not be writing at all

I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish

after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried

to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of

me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that

stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have

immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the

native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow

me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred

to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic

languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought

Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my

days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use

English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the

linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh

perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a

child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-

gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the

same story

I have always written because I have always had the urge to

tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided

that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-

thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my

race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-

larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while

the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and

waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had

enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos

phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-

rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat

seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of

others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the

works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s

such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in

the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and

sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing

graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had

always told stories but now I wanted to be heard

This essay was first published in World Literature Today

Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami

Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The

Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The

Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy

Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for

Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016

Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16

and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for

more information and to buy tickets

Writing in French came

at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial

baggage that I no longer

wanted to carry I started

to suffer from a peculiar

case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic

perhaps I should not be

writing at all

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31 FallWinter 2015 Move

A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good

LORETTA STINSON

I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M

every day after work waiting for Bruce to

get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching

myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me

sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on

from a distance at whatever is happening to

me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie

and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-

kick of the star or I play a supporting role but

I am definitely not the star of this movie The

moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom

just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been

able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed

freak for fifteen years

Sun through the small rectangular win-

dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats

wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in

1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from

the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom

watchi ng my past present a nd future selves

do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental

after another waiting for the next bad thing

to happen and not getting out of the way even

when I see it coming The habit of living in con-

stant fear and the resignation that nothing can

ever change are the glue that holds me in place

This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting

on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on

Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on

hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the

future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who

can only be counted on not to be counted on

In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses

and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about

J U L I A N N A B R I O N

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Oregon Humanities32

detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot

change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-

ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what

the old-timers were saying Needless to say

I didnrsquot

Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go

home and try some new strategy to make Bruce

quit using I once read a book about how sugar

was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding

him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein

diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck

them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat

and beer is a very filling meal in itself When

he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put

in front of him but speed and alcohol are his

drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-

ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never

remembers what he does to me and since he

doesnrsquot remember I have to forget

It be what it be Bruce says about all things

unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color

electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it

be Today I see things clearly for the first time

Today I see myself on this couch waiting for

someone else to do the changing Today I see

that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be

my life until the day he kills me or he dies or

I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been

disappointed too many times Addiction his to

drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove

been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot

see my part until now

My only friend has been telling me for

months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I

have left many times for a day or a week but

Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop

drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs

to me for the first time that this is absurd and a

huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe

itrsquos me who needs to change and not because

that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction

is his business

Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll

be wasted because it was payday and most of

his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-

ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood

alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or

hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how

those will interact with his mood the kind of

day he had and if hersquos eaten

None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for

such a long time that I could Like every person

who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that

if I did all the right things I would figure out a

way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on

his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine

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33 FallWinter 2015 Move

I worked like some kind of crazy statistician

making up story problems to predict what he

might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job

and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without

eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito

at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos

left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going

to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-

ing home mistakes his second wife for his first

wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out

Please show your work

I have never been able to figure out the rec-

ipe for equilibrium His or mine

Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce

comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not

wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face

slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat

the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says

Itrsquos not really a question but I answer

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him

clearly for the first time I see his addiction in

action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have

nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest

thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can

do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look

at him for too long when hersquos been drinking

kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash

you just back away slowly and try not to piss

him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows

too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how

little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs

to believe because he has to be mad at some-

one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom

just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by

the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about

nothing that it was never my face that pissed

him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He

needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave

to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do

no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a

revelation

He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you

looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on

the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-

spread that covers its stained sagging cush-

ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier

mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore

afraid when hersquos like this and they should be

Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that

hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what

if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already

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Oregon Humanities34

dead or at least not living just existing on the

edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story

Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom

suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am

afraid of being killed

I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to

make a home The china teacups that I str ung

together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks

in the window like a mobile The plants my

booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the

sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the

bed my dad and I refinished before I left home

The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday

The fifteen years of history we have together

one year short of half my life tonight not all of

it bad He is no monster just a man struggling

wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to

face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo

He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo

He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo

Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He

screams them at me knowing how in the past

these are the very words that made me cling to

him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go

Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but

this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest

the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about

his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does

Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom

seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man

Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried

to help for his own good right This man Irsquove

tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody

made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when

I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself

Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the

usual responseI know three things tonight Number one

If I stay this will be my life until I die Number

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Oregon Humanities36

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37 FallWinter 2015 Move

M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN

he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline

somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and

believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he

turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean

for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees

in rows

My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home

at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York

City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for

rows of buildings

ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says

In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark

skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the

Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n

My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I

met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo

My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too

often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance

of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He

was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister

a year later

My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my

father a suit They seem happy in the picture

Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put

half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband

My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years

My grandmother died

All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a

life rocked with waves

P A I G E

V I C K E R S

JASON ARI AS

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Oregon Humanities38

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have

let that slip through thecracksrdquo

My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes

My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why

Grandma was hiding

Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here

To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-

vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where

we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We

have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo

I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened

My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next

closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed

a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time

tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the

process

Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends

Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his

giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist

until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again

We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in

the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-

ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-

lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be

Ama zons)

The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door

I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour

feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean

ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said

We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not

about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same

ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As

kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon

I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower

water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the

high tide after being beached again and again

One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom

decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia

One of my new Olympian friends flicked a

match that started a fire inside my mattress I

tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking

Mom came home and we put the burning

bed outside

This isnrsquot a metaphor

I slept on the floor of my bedroom that

night missing the ocean of Grayland while my

mom and sister shared their bed in the room

next to mine The next morning my mattress

was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-

ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a

popular song on the radio at the time One of us

would start singing the lyrics

How can we dance when our earth is turning

and then wersquod all join in

How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh

But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame

Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-

land That no matter how many times we

were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty

porous flotation device on which to try to

reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe

even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the

way we did as something gia nt and limit less

something to be feared and conquered some-

thing to be moved by

In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a

flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called

my name and the light receded back down the

hall disappearing into the living room and

slipping out the front door

We discovered that the flickering light had

left wax shapes on the carpet of our living

room that could have been bad pentagrams or

the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It

left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot

take any money It left us wondering if some

past boyfriend had found us somehow

Whi le we were out the next day somebody

hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment

door Mom winced at the divots denting the

wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing

mechanism once was with her hand

We left the dishes in the sink

We left no forwarding address

We boarded a bus

Two days later we were on the doorstep of

the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with

a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my

backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase

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39 FallWinter 2015 Move

in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever

received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer

trophies in the other

At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude

who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-

thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been

there were two concave smooth-skinned div-

ots She was always smiling I liked watching

how Jude listened

Before long the four of us moved into an

apartment between Portland and Gresham It

was right on the MAX line and right on the city

line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-

landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign

that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block

to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch

my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but

Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the

perfect space for her She said it was easier for

her to know where everything was in a smaller

environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond

than an ocean

One day Jude brought her new boyfriend

home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo

ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said

Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor

and said ldquo White peoplerdquo

I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was

wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what

ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to

a blind person

Red is the rage in your gut

White is the entrapment of the disabled

One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend

and her room became a closet again

We saw her a little and then not at all

Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to

Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally

almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of

my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday

cards and pictures that were inside it

Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-

day cards away

My wife and I began archiving our new fam-

ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with

the rest of them Our sons grew I became an

uncle My grandfather remarried and went

crazy My mother still has the same smile she

had when I was young

Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a

bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple

of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary

There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help

you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear

Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie

each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out

If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads

directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end

points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably

guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock

between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled

and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long

by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of

human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of

the Mayan calendar

In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and

I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of

the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam

When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-

land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else

ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says

one night while wersquore lying in bed

And I do

I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that

had to happen I listen to our breath

In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I

make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My

finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving

And then the line disappears

And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and

falling together

Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the

Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life

Poems and Stories of the Dead

If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between

Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous

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Oregon Humanities40

READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts

One hundred moves and not one of

them associated with the military

a job or being on the run

The Ledger

Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G

through a yard sale I picked up an old

ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-

ance Company of New York A large thin hard-

bound ledger black with a red spine eleven

inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by

insurance agents to track insurers and their

policies all entries written by hand There was

only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty

cents the rest of the pages were blank After

years of treasuring its antiquity but making

no entries of my own I tore the one used page

out and decided to start tracking al l my moves

before my memory lost track I sat down and

recorded all the moves I remembered over one

hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my

parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them

associated with the military a job or being on

the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-

derlust and exploration then relationships

and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad

landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just

being unable as a single parent to bear the rent

and high heating bills Once my oldest son and

I landed in a decent house that could hold us

indefinitely After three months I was drawn to

cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted

to gather them touch them fill their empti-

ness with our lives When I realized what was

going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in

that house for two years then moved to Hawai i

Now the kids are grown the grandkids are

teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos

no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-

foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a

semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided

me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she

said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo

As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot

out of my feet and sink into the ground I was

so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here

three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot

want to move

What have I lea rned th rough al l these

moves Adaptability being and living in the

now and that there is glory in both staying and

moving but it is much easier and cheaper to

stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland

Out of the Nest

I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E

back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze

tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last

time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex

where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs

Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot

stepped inside the apartment for eight months

To do so would risk my life

ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-

tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February

I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following

weekmdashfor six months

Left behind with Michael were our surro-

gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy

and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned

starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier

It was last October when I first developed

symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-

ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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41 FallWinter 2015 Move

This is where the plates layers of crust

crashed into each other in a fiery show

perhaps tens of thousands of years ago

Soon breathing was excruciating I took

shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain

Paralyzing fatigue set in

My endocrinologist suspected chronic

obstructive pulmonary disease which made

little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I

began scouring descriptions of lung conditions

Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity

pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung

Relief and terror flooded in

If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-

monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a

terminal condition in which scarring causes

respiratory failure within three to five years

Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif

caught early But the solution is drastic We

would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-

ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even

be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the

parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would

have a new ending

Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms

lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper

grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-

pice moments before plummeting

Today we are moving the last of our belong-

ings into our first house The kitties and birdies

have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed

While I cannot hold my babies I watch them

on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the

two-way speaker

From rescue feedings to teenage angst to

nighttime vigils during illness in caring for

these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging

from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety

Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey

take their first tentative steps toward flight

Today I learned the most painful lesson let-

ting go

MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene

Subduction Zones

T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK

were on an af ternoon in early Septem-

ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for

the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper

and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our

ankles

Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-

berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend

and is directly responsible for the creation of

Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back

then one that I sometimes imagined looked

like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus

Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of

the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale

their name suggests but the result of plates

shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-

tion led to the formation of the trio This is

where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into

each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-

sands of years ago Subduction zones are places

where great trauma lies

And here I was all these years later in the

shadows of these mountains loss everywhere

Later that day back at our apartment we

walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit

into anymore For more than a year we went

through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern

Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that

followed us Then one day our four-year-old

daughter started a conversation that shook me

ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo

I nodded

ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so

sadrdquo

Six words leapt at me

ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo

We moved back to Ash land where brig ht

red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-

hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot

know it then but we were charting our own

map however imperfect Healing crept up on

us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-

ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew

Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng

up the darkness Seventeen years passed

And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most

folks want to flee helps you see things more

clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in

its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along

VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities42POSTS

continued from previous page

Just to

underscore

how settled we

planned to be

we unpacked

EverythingEven the

heirloom china

which had never

before left its

boxes We were

here to stay

Dance Church

SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I

go to church Dance church A church

where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers

to recite A church where at first glance outsid-

ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon

arriving I see a few little munchkins running

around with oversize neon headphones on to

protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music

set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with

rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors

There are flowers candles pillow puddles

beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some

kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in

alignment with the morningrsquos intention

As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s

become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-

tainer in which I can move once again after

years of chronic freezing and dissociating A

trapped animal released back into the wild

wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom

in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism

evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with

anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our

spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist

The music awakens the holy spirit within

me and dances me through throngs of people

I am an antelope cut loose checking out the

creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns

bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms

Each stunning in their authentic movement I

see people falling in love with each other from

a distance I see a girl rocking four different

Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed

like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands

ldquopracticing dancingrdquo

This is the church of Miriam the biblical

tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of

years later I move here and I am reunited with

my self my best self my most curious mischie-

vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self

Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten

invited back in the room to whip her hair back

and forth I throw my head back in delight and

laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like

hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form

of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music

EMILY I BEDAL Portland

Again

M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R

upwardly mobile engineer That trans-

lated into at least one move per year until I was

eight and another address for high school I

moved every year in college one year twice I

moved three times during my first stint in Bos-

ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-

ment for the whole two years Then it was back

to Boston where I lived in five different homes

in five years

Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for

the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe

two years back East then back to New Mexico

in two different cities three different homes

Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates

what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo

From Albuquerque we moved to our present

home in Port Orford my thirt ieth

Moving has always been exciting cathar-

tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books

by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally

donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-

ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated

magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets

ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit

thatrsquos never happened In each new house

wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos

never worked

We vowed Port Orford would be our final

ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore

how settled we planned to be we unpacked

Everything Even the heirloom china which

had never before left its boxes We were here

to stay

Except it seems wersquore going to have to move

again but not for the exciting futures wersquod

always envisioned before Now we need doctors

and hospitals and a nearby airport for family

visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is

on the other side of adventure Now we need a

place to feel safe secure

So the sorting and throwing out is about to

begin yet again There are closets and drawers

that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to

dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of

booksmdashto give away This move exciting No

way The very thought of it exhausts me

Still those other feelings cathartic freeing

new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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43 FallWinter 2015 Move

Next theme Root

For the Spring 2016 issue tell

us your stories about rooting

around taking root being

uprooted or root-bound getting

to the root of a problem being

the root of the problem rooting

someone on Share stories and

ideas about beginnings origins

and foundations Analyze a

historical or contemporary

grassroots effort Describe

the tension between staying

put and being stuck Send your

submission (400 words maxi-

mum) by February 15 2016 to

postsoregonhumanitiesorg

Submissions may be edited for

space or clarity

Listen to Your Body

I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y

motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease

Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit

and spot-on timing Though she was confined

to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was

still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her

sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-

cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone

have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but

aching joints diminished strength and a fal-

tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back

Those maladies werenrsquot the result of

chronic disease More like lack of exercise At

some point in the past decade or so I developed

an aversion to any fitness routine That choice

has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo

class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community

Center

Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the

center for the past thirty-six years teaches

the dance-infused workout three days a week

Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at

the core of each class She dispenses praise as

we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform

deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements

and she encourages each of us to breathe and

listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably

youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying

ballet seriously By then her versatility as an

actress singer dancer and comedian had been

evident in community theater productions in

the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although

not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few

years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe

continues to lead a full life She can still stand

and press her palms flat to the floor despite

relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip

notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg

and stretch at the barre

A role model for agi ng wit h presence and

dignity Lynn maintains her considerable

charm and elegance and purposely keeps her

body and mind active Like my mother she

is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has

inspired me to accept what my body can do

today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow

Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for

getting up in the morning And by some mea-

sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE

Portland

Over the Hill

I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D

eleven times in three years I worked spring

through fall as a natural history guide in

Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure

where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned

into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply

moved around A lot With each new tempo-

rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked

clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was

nothing

At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the

person who would become my life partner

another seasonal worker We would move from

Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We

lived one magical off-season on a houseboat

on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the

ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught

me I loved wide-open spaces What could be

wider than the Pacific A fter one more season

of guiding I came back to the coast and decided

to stay

I volunteered my way into one steady job

and eventually landed another at the local

college After a few more seasons my partner

came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota

and we bought another together He built a

business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our

hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and

had a child Wersquod officially settled down

The economic hardships of rural living

however are real job opportunities decline

and can no longer support the life wersquove built

The accumulation of years no longer fits into

the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner

took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast

and we lived as a split family The split was tax-

ing though so we decided to make the move

to the city We left the first community of our

adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven

ourselves The only community our daughter

has even known Friends asked me not to go

Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart

still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the

sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes

at the memory of that moon over Tillamook

Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot

nothingmdashitrsquos every thing

NANCY SLAVIN Portland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities44

Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm

LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015

This intertwined story of two

teenage girls and their mothers

is set in New Orleans during

and after Hurricane Katrina

In her debut novel Urbani an

Oregon writer with Southern

roots brings a maternal touch

to the narrative handling trag-

edy with a careful soulfulness

and love This honest yet brutal

story will simultaneously break

and warm your heart

mdashAnnie Kaffen

At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015

Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French

Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the

Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural

French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-

tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans

and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a

snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland

Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015

Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the

Oregon physician and radicalrsquos

extraordinary experiences

from her early years working in

a textile mill in New Bedford

Massachusetts through her

activist years in Oregon includ-

ing a three-year term at San

Quentin State Prison Equi lived

openly as a lesbian beginning in

the 1890s and was one of the

first practicing female doctors

in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and

compassion for others with a

strong personal belief in social

and economic justice

mdashCarole Shel lhart

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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45 FallWinter 2015 Move

People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015

This debut collection from

Portland writer Margaret

Malone is filled with brief

bitterly funny stories about the

sort of people who tie them-

selves in knots in their heads

and feel uncomfortable in their

own skin and can never quite

bring themselves to say the

words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point

includes all of us

mdashBen Waterhouse

The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015

Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer

The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with

Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research

for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the

first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of

revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced

a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer

in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he

writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo

mdashMaggie Starr

To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for

Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon

Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205

Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe

Sasquatch Books 2015

Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter

Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt

to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography

in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers

a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden

rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance

sounds smells and much more

mdashBen Waterhouse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities46

Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson

February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum

1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg

CROPPINGS

Wendy Red Star Untitled

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4748

Oregon Humanities programs are

funded by the National Endowment

for the Humanities and the Oregon

Cultural Trust and by contributions from

individuals foundations community

organizations and corporations For

more information about Oregon

Humanities or to learn how you can help

more Oregonians get together share

ideas listen think and grow please

contact us at

921 SW Washington Street Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax

(503) 241-0024

ohmoregonhumanitiesorg

oregonhumanitiesorg

Staff

e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r

Adam Davis

facilitation and tra ining manager

Rachel Bernstein

communicationsprogram associate

Eloise Holland

editorassociate director

Kathleen Holt

development director

Kamla Hurst

program officer

Annie Kaffen

office manager

Mikaela Schey

director of finance and oper ations

Carole Shellhart

development associate

Maggie Starr

communications associate

Ben Waterhouse

program coordinator

Kyle Weismann-Yee

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4848

Board of Directorsch a i r

Sona Karentz Andrews Portland

v ic e ch a i r

Janet Webster Newport

tr e a s u r e r

Jeff Cronn Portland

secretary

Matthew Boulay Salem

Paul Duden Portland

Kimberly Howard Portland

Nels Johnson Portland

Emily Karr Portland

Shannon Mara Bend

Win McCormack Portland

Alberto Moreno Portland

Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego

Ron Paul Portland

Denise Reed Astoria

Chantal Strobel Bend

Dave Weich Portland

Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED

Non-profit Org

US Postage

PAID

Permit No 1274

Portland OR

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities10

FundersKeep OregonListeningLearning andExploring

Thanks to the support of

our generous funders

Oregon Humanities

brings tens of thousands

of Oregonians togethermdash

face-to-face online and

on the pagemdashto talk

listen and learn from one

another The following

funders have recently

offered support to make

Oregon a more dynamic

and vital place to live

bull The Oregon Community

Foundation $110000

Creative Heights grant

to pursue a multimedia

project that explores land

loss by communities of

color in Oregon

bull The Maybelle Clark

Macdonald Fund

$20000 for matching

new and increased dona-tions over the last year

bull The Rose E Tucker

Charitable Trust $6500

for Conversation Project

bull Emily Georges Gott-

fried Fund $2000 for a

pilot project training high

school students to lead

community conversations

bull Union Bank of California

Foundation $2000 for

Humanity in Perspective

Idea Lab is a three-day program that brings

Oregon teachers and high school juniors

together to explore the pursuit of happiness

and how it shapes our world Students from

diverse communities and economic back-

grounds engage with big ideas through work-

shops lectures films and conversations This

year the weekend concluded with a special pre-

sentation by Lopez

Incorporating personal narrative lecture

and Latin American folk music into his perfor-

mance Lopez focused on the power of stories

to connect people to history themselves and

the world Lopez shared with Idea Lab students

how he came to terms with his ow n identity as

a queer Latino man by realizing that hersquos the

author of his own story and the creator of his

own happiness Students gave Lopez a stand-

ing ovation they appreciated his honesty

openness and confidence Courtney Ford astudent from De La Salle North Catholic High

School commented ldquoHe left the audience with

ldquoAt Idea Lab I learned to see

the world not just as what it was

but as what it could berdquomdashMark Delgado Oregon Humanities Idea Lab alumnus (2010) and counselor (2015)

Help more Oregonians connect to life-changing ideas

Visit giveguideorgoregonhumanities to make a gift

through the Willamette Week rsquos 2015 GiveGuide

inspiration to truly be themselvesrdquo

Lopez believes in the potential of the

humanities to engage and empower people In

his work with youth at the Latino Networkmdash

a nonprofit with locations in Portland and

Gresham that promotes social change by unit-

ing the Latino communitymdashLopez manages

Studio Latino an after-school program that

focuses on Latin American arts and culture

The program was piloted last spring and this

year it will enter Reynolds High School in

Troutdale Gresham High School and Alder

Elementary in Portland Lopez works to incor-

porate themes of perseverance personal char-

acter and cultural identity into the program so

that students can bring those values with them

beyond high school

For Lopez creating spaces where youth can

be themselves and connect with each other is

a powerful way to make change ldquoStories havethe capacity to heal they remind us that we are

all in this togetherrdquo

JULIA WITHERS

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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11 FallWinter 2015 FROM THE DIRECTOR

W H E N I W A S FIVE A ND L IVING IN A

small Minnesota city my fatherrsquos par-

ents visited from New York On Sunday morn-

ing we went as usual to Perkins where I did

what my parents had prepared me to do I asked

for pancakes but no bacon With enthusiasm

and pride I told my grandparentsmdashMoshe and

Lottie to most people Saba and Sabtah to memdash

that because they were there I was only having

pancakes no bacon

Two decades later I went to visit the fam-

ily of the woman who is now my wife While

most of the family ate snappy cheese and corn

pudding inside the Millersburg Kentucky

home my wifersquos fatherrsquos mother asked me on

the back porch what my belief was about Jesus

Christ She listened to the first tepid sentence

of my response and thanked me and walked

into the kitchen to urge her granddaughter to

be careful

A few years ago I went with my wife and

kids to the funeral of my wifersquos motherrsquos third

husband in a Southern Baptist church in a

small town in South Carolina In a departurefrom the churchrsquos usual practice a well-

known local musician sang ldquoImaginerdquo Two

of the three eulogies were delivered from the

altar by gay men When the preacher led us in

prayer and song my kids and I and I think my

wife were silent We knew neither the words

nor the tune

My kids now ten and eight tell people who

ask that they are both Christian and Jewish I

suspect my grandparents and my wifersquos grand-

parents would have said they are neither

I donrsquot think my kids know that they are a

thoroughly contemporary diluted amalgam

of Presbyterian Southern Baptist and Jew

Therersquos Scotch-Irish and English and Lithu-

anian and Polish in there Therersquos Kentucky

and Alabama and New York and Israel and

Minnesota and Chicago Therersquos other stuff

too They see themselves as OregoniansIn a short essay thatrsquos been on my mind re-

cently the author Toureacute thinks through how

he will raise children with his soon-to-be wife

He writes that it will be his job not hers to

bring blackness into the home He tries in his

essay to figure out what that could mean but

he seems certain that the job belongs to him

Earlier this fall at the Confederated Tribes

of Grand Rondersquos Third Annual History and

Culture Summit there was a good deal of

attention to cultural inheritancemdashwhat we

receive and what we pass on Several peoplespoke of thinking seven generations back and

seven generations forward I canrsquot go back four

and find the looking forward even hardermdashand

there we were thinking about this at just the

third-annual summit an old culture becoming

new again

This summit got me thinking about how

the more pressure your culture is undermdashthe

more persecution and threat it suffersmdashthe

more likely you may be to think carefully about

preserving it recognizing it passing it on

One thing thatrsquos been passed on to me is

an undiluted commitment to questions This

time of year with the holidays and their vari-

ous rituals upon us my big question is about

what Toureacute calls his job

Merry or happy or bountiful or blessed

whatever everyone and also this what of

what yoursquove received do you want to pass on

What would you be fine leaving behind And

what can you do to transmit the good stuff

inherited or acquired later seven generations

hence

What We Pass On

A DA M DAV IS

K I M N

G U Y E N

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities12

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13 FallWinter 2015 Move

Whose StateIs This

Legal measures targeting LatinoOregonians reflect fears of change

I N TH E A U TU MN O F 1 980 TE R E S A A L O NS O L E O NrsquoS FA TH E R DE C IDE D TO TA KE A

rare day off from working in the fields near Clackamas to bring his daughters to what he thought

was a publ ic pa rk Alonso Leon who was five and her sister played catch their feet crunchingfallen leaves as they ran across the grass Then a car pulled up The driver got out and shouted at

Alonso Leonrsquos father The man spoke in English but her father spoke only SpanishmdashAlonso Leon

too They had only recently arrived from the southern state of Michoacaacuten Mexico to their new

home in Oregon The man grew more agitated gesturing and raising his voice until her father

gathered the girls and left

ldquoIt was a golf course or someplace people didnrsquot want kids playingrdquo Alonso Leon who is now

forty-one recalls ldquoMy father couldnrsquot read the signs and we had no idea what the man was saying

But the way the man spoke to my father that just stuck with merdquo

Alonso Leonrsquos fami ly are modern-day Movers people who made Oregon their destination of

hope for prosperity renewal and survival But her family would not have fit the original ideal

Movers was the nineteenth-century nickname for settlers who drove west in covered wagons

ldquoRestlessness was their dominant traitrdquo historian Malcolm Clark Jr wrote in his 1981 book Eden

Seekers ldquoThe gene of it was passed from father to son as a part of the act of procreation The fron-

tier was constantly reproducing itselfrdquo

For centuries the new Oregonians worked to make sure the reproducing gene was white W hen

it won statehood in 1859 Oregon was part of the anti-slavery Northmdashif only because its constitu-

tion excluded blacks from living within the statersquos borders (The provision wasnrsquot removed until

1926) Native tribes were shuffled to reservations and Chinese workers were attacked by white

residents in Oregon City La Grande and several other communities

The twentieth-century brought more hostility In 1920 state law required non-English news-

papers to print English translations Portlandrsquos black population swelled when the cityrsquos ship-

yards expanded during World War II and city leaders segregated African Americans in North

and Northeast Portland neighborhoods and nearby Vanport a slapdash public housing project ina floodplain near the Columbia River The state didnrsquot outlaw discrimination in housing restau-

rants hotels and other accommodations until the 1950s

BRENT WALTH

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Oregon Humanities14

Oregon can no longer look in a mirror and see a bleached face

staring back In 1980 the first year the first year the CensusBureau included ldquoHispanicrdquo as a n ethnic category fewer than 7

percent of people in the state identified themselves as anything

other than ldquowhiterdquo Now according to the most recent Census

numbers nearly one quarter identify a s something other than

ldquowhite alonerdquo

The definition of what it means to be an Oregonian has

shifted as the state has seen immigrants from Asia Eastern

Europe and Africa The biggest shift has been in the statersquos

Latino population which has grown five times faster than the

state as a whole According to the Census 125 percent of the

population now identifies as Hi spanic or Latino Several cities

now count Latinos as the majority

One of those cities is Woodburn a Marion County town of

24000 where Alonso Leon now serves as a member of the city

council and where an acceptance of languages other than Eng-

lish has helped the community deal with change ldquoIf you donrsquot

have that you instead have misunderstanding and mispercep-

tions about other peoplerdquo Alonso Leon says ldquoWersquore not sitting

down together often enough as it isrdquo

Oregon has become a state of many languages But a small

effective and (many say) xenophobic group is pushing to put

a measure on the 2016 ballot that would declare English as the

statersquos official language Oregonians will need to decide if fear will divide the state over race ethnicity and how we talk to each

other

JIM LUDWICK SEES A DAY WHEN AMERICANS WILL BE

expected to speak both English and Spanish It worries him

ldquoBeing a bilingual country is breaking down people accord-

ing to where they came from rather than encouraging everyone

to be unitedrdquo Ludwick says ldquoItrsquos a tragedy waiting to happenrdquo

Ludwick a retired pharmaceuticals salesman from McMin-

nville is cofounder of Oregonians for Immigration Reform

which is pushing the Engl ish-only measure Since its found-

ing in 2000 the group has argued that the federal govern-

mentrsquos failure to enforce immigration laws has wreaked havoc

on the country The g roup opposes any government privileges

for undocumented residents including schools and health

care Oregonians for Immigration Reform he says favors the

deportation of anyone the government discovers is living in the

country illegally That includes the estimated 120000 undocu-

mented people living in Oregonmdasha number thatrsquos actually fallen

in recent years ldquoThis country was founded on the rule of lawrdquoLudwick says ldquoWersquore now seeing people openly violating our

immigration laws while try ing to impose new laws on usrdquo

For years Oregonians for Immigration Reform wasnrsquot taken

seriously in Salem or seen as a political threat Its leadersrsquo ten-

dency to broadbrush Latinos leaves many people uncomfort-

able When asked about immigration for example Ludwick

steers the conversation to ldquoillegalsrdquo stealing Social Security

numbers Mexicans run ning drugs a nd undocumented resi-

dents committing other crimes

The Southern Poverty Law Center a Montgomery Ala-

bamandashbased watchdog on issues of discrimination maintains a

nationwide list of ldquonativist extremistrdquo groups it says go beyondadvocating on immigration policy to targeting immigrants

themselves Oregonians for Immigration Reform is one of nine-

teen groups on the organizationrsquos nationwide list

Ludwick says this characterization of his group is unfair ldquoIf

I even question our immigration policies then Irsquom a racistrdquo he

says ldquoThatrsquos not it at all I want the United States to be a great

country that welcomes people from all over as we always have

But itrsquos foolish to think it will be i f we continue with our immi-

gration policiesrdquo

The grouprsquos status as an outsidermdashand its leaderrsquos view of its

place in Oregon politicsmdashchanged in 2014

Oregon once had relatively lax laws when it came to granting

driversrsquo licenses Starting in 2008 the state legislature required

proof of citizenship or legal residency such as a Social Security

number or other papers Latino groups (long courted by the

Democrats who run Salem) spent the next five years pushing

to overturn the law They succeeded in 2013 when lawmakers

established a ldquodriverrsquos cardrdquo for residents who could not prove

they were in the country legally

Oregonians for Immigration Reform fought the new law by

gathering the 58000 signatures needed to put the question on

the November 2014 ballot A ldquoyesrdquo vote would uphold the leg-

islaturersquos actions Backers including some farm groups saidthe measure was practical and compassionate But the mea-

sure became a proxy for frustration about the nationrsquos broken

The definition of what

it means to be anOregonian has shiftedas the state has seenimmigrants from AsiaEastern Europe and Africa The biggest shifthas been in the statersquos

Latino population which has grown fivetimes faster than thestate as a whole

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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15 FallWinter 2015 Move

immigration system and Oregon voters crushed the measure

two to one

The victory Ludwick says shows Oregonians agree with his

grouprsquos views that immigration is out of control and that the gov-

ernment should not be rewarding people who are here illegally

He says much of the country is with his groupmdashand the suc-

cess of Republican presidential candidate Donald Trumprsquos

rhetoric about immigrants is proof When he announced his

candidacy in June 2015 Trump said Mexico was dumping drug

dealers and rapists into the United States ldquoAnd some I assumerdquo

Trump added ldquoare good peoplerdquo

ldquoWhen he did thatrdquo Ludwick says ldquohe shot right up in the

polls He chose to talk about immigration because hersquos a guy who

likes leverage He knows thatrsquos a subject that appeals to regular

Americansrdquo

O R E GO N S A W ITS L A TINO P O P U L A TIO N GR O W A FTE R World War II when the United States opened its borders to bra-

ceros guest workers from Mexico who labored in the fields The

program ended in the mid-1960s but the statersquos farmers were

by then dependent on migrant workers United Farm Workers

(UFW ) leader Cesar Chavez often brought his protests to Ore-

gon denouncing the low wages unsafe conditions and abysmal

housing for many of the statersquos estimated 40000 migrant work-

ers half of whom took seasonal jobs in the Willamette Valley

The UFWrsquos actions sparked backlash against Latinos in

many places but Oregon turned away from a cultural battle In

1971 the Republican-controlled legislature passed a bill to stop

farmworkers from organizing They put intense pressure onthen-Governor Tom McCallmdasha fellow Republican who grew up

in a ranching familymdashto sign it McCall nearly did but protests

and vigils against the bill moved him (as did Chavezrsquos threats of

boycotts) and it troubled him that the state was about to deny

rights and protections for people who came here to work ldquoHellrdquo

McCall said when the bill-signing deadline approached ldquoIrsquom

going to veto that son of a bitchrdquo And he did Over the years

many migrants stopped moving around and settled in the Wil-

lamette Valley and they beckoned others from their home coun-

tries to join them

Teresa Alonso Leonrsquos family was among those who heard the

call Her parents arrived in Oregon without documentation Her

father left their home in Michoacaacuten in early 1980 and moved

to Clackamas where relatives had told him he could find bet-

ter-paying work than he had in Mexico In Oregon her parents

worked at least two jobs at a ti me often seven days a week For

four years her family lived in a ramshackle house in Gervais

without plumbing They used a n outhouse and hauled in buck-

ets of water filled from a garden hose to cook and clean In the

winter the water stored in the buckets indoors froze

Her parents wanted their children to avoid the life they had

as laborers and for Alonso Leon school was transformative She

quickly saw the need to learn Englishmdashher teachers made herrepeat first grade because she struggled with the new language

But she soon caught up and became the familyrsquos translator

during doctorrsquos visits or meetings at her school

ldquoI had to become the spokesperson for the familyrdquo she says

In 1986 Congress passed an immigration amnesty bill that

offered legal residency to 29 million people Not yet a teenager

Alonso Leon represented her parents as they met the require-

ments to earn legal status gathering work histories from past

employers studying US history and demonstrating basic Eng-

lish skills (Her parents earned legal residency that covered

Alonso Leon She became a US citizen in 2013)

Her family eventually moved to Woodburn where she

attended high school before earning her GED through a pro-

gram at the University of Oregon She went on to graduate from

Wester n Ore gon Uni versity and Portland Stat e University

where she earned a masterrsquos degree in public administration

Alonso Leon has spent most of her career looki ng for ways to

make school more avai lable to low-income students or those who

are the first in their families to attend college At Portland Com-munity College she helped develop a program to guide migrant

students in adjusting to their first year in college Today she

runs the state of Oregonrsquos GED program in the Department of

Community Colleges and Workforce Development which each

year helps 1700 students gain their high-school equivalency

Families like hers have worked here for decades paying ta xes

and working to offer their children better lives And Alonso

Leon worries that Oregon will declare its government recog-

nizes only English

ldquoIt sends the message that as a state wersquore denying that peo-

ple should be able to live here and speak their native languagerdquo

Alonso Leon says ldquo It also sends the message t hat i mmigrantsarrive and reject the language thatrsquos spoken here Thatrsquos not the

case People try to learn English because they wa nt to succeedrdquo

Alonso Leonrsquos parents still struggle with English even a fter

three decades in Oregon Mastering the language she says often

requires education and trainingmdashsomething that her parents

and many other immigra nts have lacked

ldquoMy parents worked two or three jobs at a time at low wages

all these yearsrdquo she says ldquoYou can say to my parents lsquoWhy have

you not done a better job of learning Englishrsquo The answer is

they spent all their time making sure their children were fed

and clothedrdquo

THE MEASUR E SUPPORTED BY OREGONIANS FOR IMMI-

gration Reform would if passed by voters require state and

local governments to conduct business in English Oregon

law already requires that in many cases even though Oregon

is one of nineteen states without a blanket official-language

declaration

But the Oregon measure could go beyond what other states

impose its language suggests that (with some exceptions) it

could become illegal for government agencies to provide com-

munications with the public in languages besides Englishmdash

despite the fact that 15 percent of Oregonians speak a languageother than English at home Portland Public Schools for exam-

ple prints materials for parents in several languagesmdasha practice

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Oregon Humanities16

Ludwick says is a waste of money

Ludwick recalls an illustration he saw in a social studies text-

book he had in high school ldquoIt was of this giant cooking potrdquo

he says ldquoPeople from all over the world are jumping inmdashpeople

with sombreros and so on And in the picture Uncle Sam is stir-

ring itmdashstirring the pot the melting pot And the people who had

jumped in earlier are now climbing out dressed like Americans

They had coats and ties onrdquo

ldquoThe point isrdquo he says ldquoit was about assimilation It used to

be you come to America to become an American Not a Hispanic

American New immigrants today donrsquot want to be assimilated

They want to divide themselves off from us while imposing their

cultural beliefs on usrdquo

The threat Ludwick sees is about more than language Itrsquos

about influence and powermdashless about reforming immigration

laws than it is about forcing a cultural norm on Oregonrsquos immi-

grants His grouprsquos attention to Latinos in particular is basedin sheer numbersmdash40 percent of immigrants in Oregon were

born in Mexicomdashbut also on the success of organi zations such

as Causa Oregon to push a political agenda These groups have

had some victories including a 2013 law allowing college tuition

grants for undocumented students who attended Oregon high

schools But the doors of power have not been knocked open

The state has seen only one Latino elected official statewide

(former state schools superintendent Susan Castillo) and only

a handf ul of legislators

What Oregonians for Immigration Reform plays on is fearmdash

the fear of a non-Latino majority losing influence and facing

discrimination for not speaking Spanish In its troubled his-tory Oregon has turned on the ldquootherrdquo foreigners blacks any

faceless group accused of stealing something from the rest of us

including jobs culture andmdashnowmdashlanguage

The last thing Oregon needs is another dark chapter of rac-

ism disguised as nationalistic duty What the state could use

instead is a moment of illumination and courage

Itrsquos happened before in another context A half century ago

Oregon set out to protect its farms and forests by carefully plan-

ning for the rapid population growth that was coming Its lead-

ers (primari ly Governor Tom McCall) engaged in a long often

rending discussion about the need for land-use laws Invective

followedmdashfoes called Oregon a communist state and voters in

many parts of the state would still erase land-use laws from the

books in a hea rtbeat given the chance But it took someone with

guts to cha llenge hardened beliefs and prepare Oregon for the

future

Itrsquos time for another conversation this one about the chang-

ing face of the state Oregonrsquos long history with a whites-only

club running things is ending Imagine seeing a leader in Oregon

brave enough to embrace that futuremdashespecially now that the

nationrsquos political debate is oozing anti-immigrant poison

A future Oregon leader who gets up the nerve to t alk about

the value of a more diverse Oregonmdashand the need to account

for itmdashneed look no further than Woodburn a city that thirty

years ago no one would predict would be a model for cultural

tolerance The town struggled with change as Latino and Rus-

sian immigrants came to the area Today Woodburn proudly

talks of its ldquoLittle Mexicordquo business district The school district

has seen enormous success in graduating students from high

school in large part because of its bilingual approach in theclassroom The city routinely sends out information about the

library parks and water bills in English and Spanish And the

cityrsquos website has a button that allows visitors to translate its

pages into thirty-six lang uages

Alonso Leon says that despite Woodburnrsquos progress the city

has a lot of ground to gain when it comes to making itself open

to everyone She says the city council rarely sees members of the

Latino community appear before it and that the only Spanish

speakers who attend meetings on a regular basis are usually her

parents who like to watch her in action She says the city has

formed a committee to find ways Woodburn can knock down

cultural and language barriers that keep non-English speakersfrom believing they have a role in civic debates

ldquoWe need to do more to make ourselves inviting and avail-

ablerdquo she says ldquoTelling people only English is acceptable in

government runs against the idea that everyone has the right

to be heardrdquo

Alonso Leon won an appointment to city council in 2013 and

must run for her seat this year if she wa nts to keep it Shersquos never

sought public office before and she could appear on the same

election ballot as Trump and the Oregonians for Immigration

Reform measuremdashan irony that isnrsquot lost on her

Alonso Leon expects a campaign wil l test her Shersquod be the

third Latino elected to the council (shersquos the only one serving

there now) and she says she has never been afraid to tell her story

ldquoIf people are asking questions and scrutinizing who I am

that means theyrsquore considering me or someone like merdquo she

says ldquoAnd that in itself is progressrdquo

Brent Walth has been an Oregon journalist since 1984 Hersquos

the former managing editor at Willamette Week and senior

investigative reporter for the Oregonian and author of Fire at

Edenrsquos Gate a biography of Oregon Governor Tom McCall

Hersquos now an assistant professor in the University of Oregon

School of Journalism and Communication

The threat Ludwicksees is about more thanlanguage Itrsquos about

influence and power

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17 FallWinter 2015 Move

Communityin Flux

A long-persecuted people begins to speak out

I N P O R T L A N D T H E C H R I S T M A S O F 1 9 4 4 W A S B I T -

terly cold and blanketed in white It snowed for days and

stayed close to freezing as the New Year approached But Port-

landers were distracted from the unusually cruel weather by

news that Portland Mayor Earl Riley was forcing dozens of

Roma out of the citymdashand by God it was about time the news-papers crowed Although many members of the local Kalderash

community of Roma had been working in the Kaiser shipyard

factories for the US war effort elected officials law enforce-

ment and the media fell over themselves to justify r unning the

Roma out of town

The Oregon Journal reported that encouraged by police the

Romamdashdescribed as ldquothe gaily dressed wanderersrdquomdashasked for

assistance to return to Texas and New Mexico because Portland

was ldquotoo coldrdquo for them Mayor R iley p ersuaded the US Of fice

of Price Administration (OPA) the federal bureau in charge of

rationing to issue special gas rations to the Roma so they could

make the drive south

The Oregonian considered this a ldquonotable featrdquo by the mayor

not only because the OPArsquos rationing of items like gas rubber

sugar and butter was so strict but also because Riley was ldquogetting

rid of at least half the gy psies [who] have been afflicting the cityrdquo

ldquoWe are right proud of our mayorrdquo the paper wrote

This was the same Mayor Riley who is purported to be one of

the most corrupt mayors in Portlandrsquos history Though his office

accused the Roma of using fortune-telling as a front for prostitu-

tion Riley allegedly kept a special safe in City Hall just for the

bribes he collected from these same types of criminal opera-

tions He was neither indicted nor punished despite criticism bythe City Club of Portland instead he amassed a fortune in ille-

gal enterprises over his lifetime Meanwhile the Roma families

LISA LOVING

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Oregon Humanities18

A detective and two policemen

escort two arrested Romani women

from the paddy wagon into the

Police Headquarters building at SW

2nd amp Oak in 1951

in Portland barely got by sometimes using abandoned storefronts as homes

Carol Silvermanmdasha professor of cultural anthropology and folklore at the

University of Oregon who has studied worked with and advocated for Roma

locally and around the world for almost forty yearsmdashsays the group of Roma in

Portland who came to work in the shipyards during the war were turned upon

when the war was over ldquoJust like Rosie the Riveter when women no longer were

needed for welding and [were told they] should go back to the homerdquo Silverman

says ldquoit was perceived that this group of Roma was no longer needed in the cityPerceived as foreign outsiders dangerous [they were] given these gas rations to

drive out of staterdquo

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19 FallWinter 2015 Move

COURTESY THOMAS ROBINSON

Roma in America today are a community in flux Families

still identify their lineages through distinct ethnic communi-

ties sometimes called tribes including the Sinti Romanichal

and Kalderash and these communities tend to blend in with

the mainstream In the Northwest a look through local busi-

ness listings will not reveal any obvious groups or organiza-

tions serving them except a handful of very tight-knit Christian

churches Most Kalderash would prefer to live under the radar

says Silverman for a compelling historical reason almost

everywhere theyrsquove gone Roma people have been oppressed by

both government and society

Originally from India Roma communities are traditionally

nomadic From the fourteenth century until the Romanian

emancipation of 1864 Roma were enslaved and traded by the

local nobility in a large area of southern Romania including

Walachia and Moldovia with the support of church institutions

Roma moved to the Northwest in the largest numbers after1864 with Kalderash families settling in the area between 1880

and 1920 Silverman says ldquoFrom the first time they came to

America there were rules regulating where Roma could live and

where they could settle and even the kind of work they could do

Many cities had anti-fortune-telling edicts fortune-telling poli-

cies on the books Some cities actually still have themrdquo

Accused of being naturally inferior and prone to crime Roma

people in the Northwest have been targeted and harassed by

local law enforcement and negatively depicted in the media In

1906 the Oregonian wrote ldquoThe police allege that the gypsies

have such a penchant for stealing everything that is not nai led

down that it is necessary always to lsquokeep an eye on themrsquordquo Andthe Ashland Daily Tidings in 1916 wrote ldquoTrue to their inborn

instincts the horde of gypsies which passed through Ashland

last Sunday failed to get out of t he country without committing

a serious depredationrdquo

No scholar has studied discrimination against the Roma as

fully as Ian Hancock a University of Texas at Austin professor of

linguistics English and Asian studies who laid out his findings

in a 2007 research paper He writes that despite five special US

Congressional sessions addressing the increase in anti-Romani

hate crimes in Europe and the correlative increase in Romani

asylum seekers to the United States ldquoThere nevertheless remain

laws on the books in various states and counties that continue

to operate against Gypsies Many of these laws a list of which

fills thirty-four pages were inherited from Europe and were

intended to be used against the earlier Gypsy populations in the

United States they have since found new application against

the more recently arrived and more v isible Eastern European

Roma escaping the post-Communist increase in racial violence

in that region many of whom are seeking political asylum hererdquo

But despite the hostility they have traditionally faced

Romani people have also historically been linchpins of their

local economies Silverman says Roma in Europe worked in

metalcraft which t hey applied in the United States to recopperand re-tin household items at the turn of the century ldquoUntil the

1950s before stainless steel in order to have a working kitchen

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Oregon Humanities20

Most Americanshave no idea

that their owngovernment waspersecuting Romapeople at thesame time Romain Europe werebeing murdered inthe Holocaust

you had to have your pots and pans redonerdquo Silverman says ldquoThis was a real

Romani skillrdquo

This skill in metalwork was perfect for the emerging car industry in 1920s

and rsquo30s America ldquoRoma did this kind of service for many many Northwest

Americans and then eventua lly they got i nto t he car sales businessrdquo Silver-

man says The Romarsquos family-based car repair operations competed directly

with corporate auto repair shops offering an alternative to high-dollar services

with the personal attention of a family business So by World War II not only

was Mayor Riley rsquos expulsion of Roma families cruel but it also likely damaged

the local economy

Most Americans have no idea that their own government was persecut-

ing Roma people at the same time Roma in Europe were being murdered in

the Holocaust The Nazis killed an estimated 220000 to 500000 Roma men

women and childrenmdashperhaps 25 percent of the European Roma populationmdash

between 1935 and 1945 Morgan Ahern a SintiRomanichal Roma and founder

of Seattle-based organization Lolo Diklo Romani Against Racism believes

the number of Roma killed may be as high as 15 million ldquoMany [were killed] inconcentration campsrdquo she says ldquobut many more [were] just shot on the roadrdquo

Silverman agrees that the effect of the Holocaustmdashknown to some Roma as

the Porraimos or ldquothe devouringrdquomdashon the Roma has been ldquoa footnote in most

textbooksrdquo and is only starti ng to be examined in Holocaust museums because

of lobbying by Roma and their allies

Also overlooked in the history of Roma in the United States generations of

Roma children taken from their parents and warehoused in foster care systems

because of lifestyle differences and some families say racism Ahern was one

of those children removed from her family and put into foster care after her

parents were deemed unfit to ta ke care of her because they were Romani and

nomadic

Even today many Romani individuals and families lack birth certificatesand marriage certificates making them vulnerable to government officialsrsquo

whims Silverma n says ldquoThings like being fingerprinted havi ng a birth certifi-

cate might mean that your children are going to be taken away These historic

memories are very very very much alive for Romardquo

After generations of abuse a modest tide of Roma are beginning to speak out

about their civil rights and demand fair t reatment including fair accommoda-

tions in trying to obtain legal documentation for family members who were

born in the United States Silverman who is on the board of the nonprofit Voice

of Roma says she was involved in a c ase in Portland in which it was argued that

oral testimony in a birth is equivalent to a birth certificate ldquoWhen people bear

witness to a marriagerdquo Silverman says ldquoit doesnrsquot matter if therersquos no marriage

certificate It could be issued based on hindsight on memoryrdquo

For a community that has for generations avoided keeping their money in

bank accounts and sending their children to public schools social isolation is

giving way to an emerging movement for empowerment

On the East Coast Kalderash filmmaker George Eli produces films about

his family and is currently building a media channel on Roma And at the

University of Texas Hancock who is Romanichal Roma has spent decades

building the Program of Romani Studies and the Romani Arch ives and Docu-

mentation Center

Ahern founded Lolo Diklo which means ldquored scarfrdquo in 1986 along w ith a

fellow teacher at Seattle Central College The grouprsquos purpose is to document

discrimination and persecution of Romani Ahernrsquos fatherrsquos Romanichal fam-ily have lived in the United States since the 1700s and were originally sent from

Ireland by the British government as slaves Her motherrsquos family were Sinti who

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21 FallWinter 2015 Move

No documentsor oral histories

exist showingwhat happened tothe Roma familiesforced out ofPortland in 1944

arrived in the United States in the late 1930s

fleeing the climate in Germany Her maternal

grandmother pretended to be Italian to get into

the country

Over the years Ahern has traveled through-

out the West Coast lecturing about Roma cul-ture and civil rights She works with Romani

organizations across the United States South

America Canada Europe and Spain

Silverman adds that over the past twenty

years many American Roma have become

born-again Christians establishing their own

churches or joining evangelical congregations

Some of these church leaders are emerging as

community spokespeoplemdashsomething very

new for a community that has been persecuted

for so long ldquoThere are Roma who donrsquot want

to be left alone anymore because they are at a

disadvantage when they are left alonerdquo Silver-

man says ldquoThey are being very brave to actu-

ally interact with t he US court systemrdquo

But despite these efforts even today the dis-

crimination that Roma face by revealing their

heritage remains very real ldquoIn their historical

memory interacting with American institu-

tions has often resulted in a form of marginal-

izationrdquo Silverman says

For example Silverman describes ethnic

profiling by police bureaus through what wereknown as ldquobunco squadsrdquo police bureaus in

the South that had ldquoGypsy unitsrdquo to focus on

ldquoGypsy crimerdquo She says ldquoThis is ethnic profiling of crime

assuming that all Roma commit a certain kind of crime and

certain ki nds of crimes are only committed by Romardquo

The racial profiling of Roma people doesnrsquot stop with law

enforcement it is a staple of local news The language used

in Pacific Northwest news coverage in the past ten years to

describe alleged offenders has hardly changed from what was

writ ten in newspapers in the early 1900s

In 2007 a ldquoNight Cabbierdquo column in Willamette Week

sparked outrage ldquoThe Gypsies apparently are no jokerdquo the

unidentified cab driverwriter penned about the apparent rav-

ings of a customer ldquoDespite what we may think she explains to

us that real Gypsies arenrsquot nomadic livestock thieves but in fact

have been living in her neighborhood for decades And theyrsquore

very bad neighborsrdquo

ldquoThis is racist nonsenserdquo a reader responded ldquoInexcusable

for a serious newspaper to print such offensive content about areal livi ng breathing person in the neighborhood on account of

one of his neighbors For all we know this bigoted fool is the bad

neighborrdquo

No documents or oral histories exist showing what happened

to the Roma families forced out of Portland in 1944 Did they

stay in Texas Did they return to the Northwest Did they find

safety Or were they forced on toward some other location And

most important how in the Information Age is it possible that

the Roma experience has been all but forgotten by the main-

stream of society

Silverman holds out hope that organizations such as Voice of

Roma and Lolo Diklo can help Roma keep from getting caught inunfriendly bureaucratic systems as well as provide an opening

for more outreach and understanding The Portland Romani

Festival a one-day celebration featuring food music and infor-

mation on human rights issues affecting Roma people is ten-

tatively scheduled for late spring 2016 The Festival Romani

Facebook page is a fountain of music and cu ltural events par-

ticularly music performances up and down the West Coast

ldquoI think people should become knowledgeable about Romani

history and discrimination in order to combat itrdquo Silverman

says ldquoIt seems to me that while wersquore talking about ethnic a nd

racial diversity we can no longer eliminate a large group that

has suffered prejudice for so many years and continues to suffer

prejudicerdquo

Thanks to Fair Housing Council of Oregon for sharing this

story with Oregon Humanities through its history bus tour

Lisa Loving has reported on civil rights and diversity in

Oregon for more than fifteen years She is a news and

public affairs producer at KBOO Community Radio 907

FM in Portland and the former news editor of the award-

winning African American community newspaper the

Skanner Her new book How to Be a Citizen Journalist will

be released in 2017 by Microcosm Publishing

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities22

Like all places Oregon has a brand an identity that distinguishes

it from other places This identity is a pastiche of characteris-

ticsmdashenvironmental and agricultural urban and rural intrepid and

entrepreneurialmdashthat become a kind of shorthand that rightly or

wrongly insiders and outsiders read to understand what this state

and its people collectively value But how much do we the resi-

dents of this place really know about the systems behind these

things that seem to represent our identity

On the pages that follow we look more closely at just four ofthese cultural identifiers and how they move through their individ-

ual systems coho salmon up the Columbia River past historical

sites trash recyclables reusables and compost from Portland to

other parts of the state and the world bicycles buses and cars

up a busy corridor through a rapidly changing neighborhood and

ideas measures and laws through what is sometimes called the

Oregon System

Thanks to sources at the Confluence Project Death with Dignity Friends of the Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge Heiberg Garbage and

Recycling Metro MIG Northwest Power and Conservation Council Ofce of the Secretary of State Oregon History Project Oregon Legis -

lature Portland Bureau of Transportation TriMet and US Forest Servicersquos Pacific Northwest Research Station for their help with this story

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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23 FallWinter 2015 Move

Salmon up the Columbia RiverAFTER SPENDING sixteen to twenty months at sea a coho

salmon begins her journey up the Columbia and Sandy Rivers

back to her natal spawning grounds This amazing biological phe-

nomenon is also rich with cultural significance and the landmarks

she passes upstream mark the politics and history of her species

1 Salmon were central to the Chinook that once inhabited villages

along the lower Columbia and seining was the most important

method used to catch the fish As runs declined in the early twen-

tieth century white fishermen drove the Chinook off Sand Island

and Peacock Spit two of the most productive seining areas in

the estuary Seining was prohibited by Washington in 1934 and

Oregon in 1948

2 On March 16 1806 Meriwether Lewis drew and described a fish

brought to him at Fort Clatsop ldquoThe white Salmon Trout has

now made itrsquos appearance in the creeks near this place one of

them was brought us today by an Indian who had just taken it with

his gig this is a likness of itrdquo The fish was later classified as coho

salmon Oncorhynchus kisutch

3 In 1866 the brothers George W and William Hume and Andrew

S Hapgood established a salmon cannery at Eagle Cliff

Washington packing 4000 cases their first year In 1895 up to

50 Columbia canneries produced 635000 cases of salmon But

by 1977 the pack was just 2547 cases The last major cannery

on the Columbia closed in 1980

4 On November 5 1805 Lewis and Clark recorded a visit to the

ldquoQuathapotle Nationrdquo one of the largest Chinookan villages the

expedition encountered Today Cathlapotle is an archeological site

and the home of a modern plankhouse which serves as an outdoor

classroom and is used by the Chinook Indian Nation

5 In 2008 Maya Linrsquos sculpture Bird Blind was dedicated The blind

lists 134 plants documented by Lewis and Clark along with one

word on their status today thriving threatened endangered or

extinct Coho are listed as threatened today

6 In 2007 the Marmot Dam part of Portland General Electric hydro-

electric project in the Sandy River basin was removed due to

pressure from conservation groups and rising management costs

Built in 1913 by Portland Railway Light and Power Company the

dam provided hydroelectric power to Portland Today salmon navi-gate a free-flowing river mdashTRM

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Oregon Humanities24

1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every

other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-

cling one of a number of independent haulers

in the Metro region grind their gears uphill

traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food

scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-

board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue

recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in

the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green

roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-

egory recycling compost and yard waste and

garbage

2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly

either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-

gon Recycling System past the airport in East

Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery

facilities (there are a handful in the region)

which then sell the materials based on demand

in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others

in foreign countries such as China

3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable

waste the other trucks head to Metro Central

Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro

South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-

tions in the region Last year almost a half a

million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos

two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins

other company haulers contractors with con-

struction waste and residential customers with

miscellaneous items not picked up through

home collection service At the transfer station

the sorting process begins

4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature

Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-

ogy Organics outside of North Plains about

twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about

twelve miles north of Corvallis

5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household

items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material

in roads

6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader

then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time

is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer

stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a

three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty

no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush

plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo

According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the

garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material

The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is

often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per

minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to

an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the

plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity

powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM

Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland

Waste fromSouthwestPortland

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25 FallWinter 2015 Move

1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in

winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period

in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a

twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source

TriMet)

HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make

every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-

tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed

Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-

age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo

In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin

Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the

new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue

represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even

signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from

the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles

per hour depending on the time of day

The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars

buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic

signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and

emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one

hundred intersections throughout Portland

Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North

Williams today reflects a different wave of development and

demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share

the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to

bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes

to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density

residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG

Traffic on North Williams Avenue

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities26

Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect

changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-

erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed

law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or

rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already

passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a

referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather

than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-

ers approved this system in 1902

This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an

initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on

a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided

driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal

documentation of US citizenship status

1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three

ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)

Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text

of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall

issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to

provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)

2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-

tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)

3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of

Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative

petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State

Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal

Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)

4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is

certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults

to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88

58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold

of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to

qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-

ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without

requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to

Dec 2013)

5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88

Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor

Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)

6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51

to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails

666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-

croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered

by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed

lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move

(2003)

7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block

saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-

zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the

case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor

General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the

practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The

US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide

law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG

Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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27 FallWinter 2015 Move

SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137

983158983151983145983139983141

N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -

room closet I came across a box of old family photographs

I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color

photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-

ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five

standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie

primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos

hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-

tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against

the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But

the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a

frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat

in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple

of the Sun

A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -

graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one

end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both

L A I L A L A L A M I

Al-Mursquoallaqat

The GoldenOdes of Love

J E N W I C K S T U D I O

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Oregon Humanities28

of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels

science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-

raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to

love books so much perhaps books provided them an education

about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing

from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches

that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-

ing the reign of King Hassan

It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned

to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed

copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from

friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about

whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-

drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new

offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte

which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne

Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others

Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les

petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why

the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion

Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which

the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to

either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan

tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three

Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords

and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo

Of course none of the characters in these books looked or

spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly

all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan

bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their

homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my

own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they

had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary

world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an

alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define

normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like

my country my imagination had been colonized

I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly

the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-

acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the

fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled

my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high

school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes

where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-

yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as

well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father

said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it

was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted

D RISS C H RAI BI

LA

CI VI LISA TIO N

MA M E R E

PAR

ALEXANDRE DUMAS

Taha Hussein

THE

DA YS

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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29 FallWinter 2015 Move

When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same

school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum

el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine

At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were

taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled

with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still

the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-

language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from

the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi

al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the

Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese

Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-

moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some

of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved

each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a

classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-

els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan

authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-

tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren

It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read

adult literature on my own and independently from school that

I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-

ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos

La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a

sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin

Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book

that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment

of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read

lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was

as fertile ground for fiction as any other

And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature

nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in

French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after

all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-

latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss

Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was

ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a

particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made

it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I

was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train

in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco

medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-

ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my

hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat

or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-

matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely

be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study

linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in

a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in

an analytica l way

Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in

Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship

to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait

I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and

racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School

of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work

of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went

back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how

often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes

Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in

our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in

formal soireacutees French was de rigueur

Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-

guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles

and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in

English which made me think even more about the relationship

between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a

prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power

an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people

The education I had received had emphasized the importance

of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our

media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the

shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed

in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored

by the French government for free access to books The role of

Every time I went back

to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much

and how often we moved

between French and

Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not

went through life

switching between codes

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities30

French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a

cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no

longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case

of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should

not be writing at all

I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish

after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried

to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of

me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that

stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have

immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the

native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow

me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred

to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic

languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought

Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my

days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use

English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the

linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh

perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a

child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-

gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the

same story

I have always written because I have always had the urge to

tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided

that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-

thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my

race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-

larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while

the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and

waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had

enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos

phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-

rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat

seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of

others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the

works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s

such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in

the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and

sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing

graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had

always told stories but now I wanted to be heard

This essay was first published in World Literature Today

Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami

Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The

Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The

Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy

Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for

Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016

Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16

and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for

more information and to buy tickets

Writing in French came

at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial

baggage that I no longer

wanted to carry I started

to suffer from a peculiar

case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic

perhaps I should not be

writing at all

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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31 FallWinter 2015 Move

A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good

LORETTA STINSON

I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M

every day after work waiting for Bruce to

get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching

myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me

sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on

from a distance at whatever is happening to

me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie

and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-

kick of the star or I play a supporting role but

I am definitely not the star of this movie The

moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom

just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been

able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed

freak for fifteen years

Sun through the small rectangular win-

dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats

wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in

1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from

the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom

watchi ng my past present a nd future selves

do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental

after another waiting for the next bad thing

to happen and not getting out of the way even

when I see it coming The habit of living in con-

stant fear and the resignation that nothing can

ever change are the glue that holds me in place

This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting

on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on

Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on

hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the

future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who

can only be counted on not to be counted on

In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses

and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about

J U L I A N N A B R I O N

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Oregon Humanities32

detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot

change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-

ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what

the old-timers were saying Needless to say

I didnrsquot

Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go

home and try some new strategy to make Bruce

quit using I once read a book about how sugar

was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding

him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein

diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck

them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat

and beer is a very filling meal in itself When

he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put

in front of him but speed and alcohol are his

drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-

ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never

remembers what he does to me and since he

doesnrsquot remember I have to forget

It be what it be Bruce says about all things

unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color

electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it

be Today I see things clearly for the first time

Today I see myself on this couch waiting for

someone else to do the changing Today I see

that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be

my life until the day he kills me or he dies or

I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been

disappointed too many times Addiction his to

drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove

been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot

see my part until now

My only friend has been telling me for

months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I

have left many times for a day or a week but

Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop

drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs

to me for the first time that this is absurd and a

huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe

itrsquos me who needs to change and not because

that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction

is his business

Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll

be wasted because it was payday and most of

his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-

ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood

alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or

hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how

those will interact with his mood the kind of

day he had and if hersquos eaten

None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for

such a long time that I could Like every person

who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that

if I did all the right things I would figure out a

way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on

his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine

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33 FallWinter 2015 Move

I worked like some kind of crazy statistician

making up story problems to predict what he

might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job

and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without

eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito

at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos

left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going

to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-

ing home mistakes his second wife for his first

wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out

Please show your work

I have never been able to figure out the rec-

ipe for equilibrium His or mine

Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce

comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not

wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face

slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat

the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says

Itrsquos not really a question but I answer

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him

clearly for the first time I see his addiction in

action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have

nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest

thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can

do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look

at him for too long when hersquos been drinking

kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash

you just back away slowly and try not to piss

him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows

too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how

little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs

to believe because he has to be mad at some-

one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom

just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by

the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about

nothing that it was never my face that pissed

him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He

needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave

to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do

no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a

revelation

He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you

looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on

the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-

spread that covers its stained sagging cush-

ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier

mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore

afraid when hersquos like this and they should be

Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that

hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what

if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already

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Oregon Humanities34

dead or at least not living just existing on the

edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story

Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom

suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am

afraid of being killed

I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to

make a home The china teacups that I str ung

together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks

in the window like a mobile The plants my

booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the

sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the

bed my dad and I refinished before I left home

The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday

The fifteen years of history we have together

one year short of half my life tonight not all of

it bad He is no monster just a man struggling

wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to

face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo

He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo

He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo

Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He

screams them at me knowing how in the past

these are the very words that made me cling to

him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go

Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but

this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest

the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about

his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does

Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom

seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man

Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried

to help for his own good right This man Irsquove

tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody

made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when

I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself

Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the

usual responseI know three things tonight Number one

If I stay this will be my life until I die Number

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Oregon Humanities36

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37 FallWinter 2015 Move

M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN

he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline

somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and

believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he

turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean

for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees

in rows

My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home

at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York

City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for

rows of buildings

ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says

In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark

skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the

Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n

My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I

met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo

My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too

often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance

of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He

was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister

a year later

My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my

father a suit They seem happy in the picture

Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put

half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband

My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years

My grandmother died

All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a

life rocked with waves

P A I G E

V I C K E R S

JASON ARI AS

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Oregon Humanities38

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have

let that slip through thecracksrdquo

My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes

My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why

Grandma was hiding

Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here

To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-

vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where

we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We

have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo

I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened

My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next

closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed

a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time

tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the

process

Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends

Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his

giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist

until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again

We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in

the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-

ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-

lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be

Ama zons)

The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door

I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour

feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean

ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said

We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not

about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same

ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As

kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon

I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower

water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the

high tide after being beached again and again

One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom

decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia

One of my new Olympian friends flicked a

match that started a fire inside my mattress I

tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking

Mom came home and we put the burning

bed outside

This isnrsquot a metaphor

I slept on the floor of my bedroom that

night missing the ocean of Grayland while my

mom and sister shared their bed in the room

next to mine The next morning my mattress

was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-

ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a

popular song on the radio at the time One of us

would start singing the lyrics

How can we dance when our earth is turning

and then wersquod all join in

How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh

But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame

Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-

land That no matter how many times we

were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty

porous flotation device on which to try to

reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe

even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the

way we did as something gia nt and limit less

something to be feared and conquered some-

thing to be moved by

In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a

flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called

my name and the light receded back down the

hall disappearing into the living room and

slipping out the front door

We discovered that the flickering light had

left wax shapes on the carpet of our living

room that could have been bad pentagrams or

the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It

left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot

take any money It left us wondering if some

past boyfriend had found us somehow

Whi le we were out the next day somebody

hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment

door Mom winced at the divots denting the

wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing

mechanism once was with her hand

We left the dishes in the sink

We left no forwarding address

We boarded a bus

Two days later we were on the doorstep of

the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with

a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my

backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase

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39 FallWinter 2015 Move

in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever

received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer

trophies in the other

At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude

who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-

thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been

there were two concave smooth-skinned div-

ots She was always smiling I liked watching

how Jude listened

Before long the four of us moved into an

apartment between Portland and Gresham It

was right on the MAX line and right on the city

line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-

landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign

that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block

to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch

my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but

Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the

perfect space for her She said it was easier for

her to know where everything was in a smaller

environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond

than an ocean

One day Jude brought her new boyfriend

home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo

ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said

Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor

and said ldquo White peoplerdquo

I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was

wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what

ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to

a blind person

Red is the rage in your gut

White is the entrapment of the disabled

One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend

and her room became a closet again

We saw her a little and then not at all

Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to

Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally

almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of

my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday

cards and pictures that were inside it

Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-

day cards away

My wife and I began archiving our new fam-

ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with

the rest of them Our sons grew I became an

uncle My grandfather remarried and went

crazy My mother still has the same smile she

had when I was young

Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a

bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple

of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary

There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help

you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear

Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie

each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out

If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads

directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end

points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably

guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock

between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled

and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long

by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of

human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of

the Mayan calendar

In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and

I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of

the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam

When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-

land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else

ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says

one night while wersquore lying in bed

And I do

I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that

had to happen I listen to our breath

In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I

make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My

finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving

And then the line disappears

And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and

falling together

Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the

Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life

Poems and Stories of the Dead

If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between

Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous

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Oregon Humanities40

READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts

One hundred moves and not one of

them associated with the military

a job or being on the run

The Ledger

Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G

through a yard sale I picked up an old

ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-

ance Company of New York A large thin hard-

bound ledger black with a red spine eleven

inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by

insurance agents to track insurers and their

policies all entries written by hand There was

only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty

cents the rest of the pages were blank After

years of treasuring its antiquity but making

no entries of my own I tore the one used page

out and decided to start tracking al l my moves

before my memory lost track I sat down and

recorded all the moves I remembered over one

hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my

parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them

associated with the military a job or being on

the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-

derlust and exploration then relationships

and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad

landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just

being unable as a single parent to bear the rent

and high heating bills Once my oldest son and

I landed in a decent house that could hold us

indefinitely After three months I was drawn to

cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted

to gather them touch them fill their empti-

ness with our lives When I realized what was

going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in

that house for two years then moved to Hawai i

Now the kids are grown the grandkids are

teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos

no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-

foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a

semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided

me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she

said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo

As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot

out of my feet and sink into the ground I was

so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here

three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot

want to move

What have I lea rned th rough al l these

moves Adaptability being and living in the

now and that there is glory in both staying and

moving but it is much easier and cheaper to

stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland

Out of the Nest

I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E

back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze

tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last

time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex

where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs

Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot

stepped inside the apartment for eight months

To do so would risk my life

ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-

tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February

I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following

weekmdashfor six months

Left behind with Michael were our surro-

gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy

and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned

starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier

It was last October when I first developed

symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-

ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse

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41 FallWinter 2015 Move

This is where the plates layers of crust

crashed into each other in a fiery show

perhaps tens of thousands of years ago

Soon breathing was excruciating I took

shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain

Paralyzing fatigue set in

My endocrinologist suspected chronic

obstructive pulmonary disease which made

little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I

began scouring descriptions of lung conditions

Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity

pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung

Relief and terror flooded in

If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-

monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a

terminal condition in which scarring causes

respiratory failure within three to five years

Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif

caught early But the solution is drastic We

would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-

ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even

be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the

parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would

have a new ending

Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms

lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper

grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-

pice moments before plummeting

Today we are moving the last of our belong-

ings into our first house The kitties and birdies

have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed

While I cannot hold my babies I watch them

on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the

two-way speaker

From rescue feedings to teenage angst to

nighttime vigils during illness in caring for

these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging

from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety

Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey

take their first tentative steps toward flight

Today I learned the most painful lesson let-

ting go

MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene

Subduction Zones

T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK

were on an af ternoon in early Septem-

ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for

the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper

and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our

ankles

Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-

berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend

and is directly responsible for the creation of

Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back

then one that I sometimes imagined looked

like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus

Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of

the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale

their name suggests but the result of plates

shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-

tion led to the formation of the trio This is

where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into

each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-

sands of years ago Subduction zones are places

where great trauma lies

And here I was all these years later in the

shadows of these mountains loss everywhere

Later that day back at our apartment we

walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit

into anymore For more than a year we went

through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern

Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that

followed us Then one day our four-year-old

daughter started a conversation that shook me

ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo

I nodded

ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so

sadrdquo

Six words leapt at me

ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo

We moved back to Ash land where brig ht

red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-

hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot

know it then but we were charting our own

map however imperfect Healing crept up on

us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-

ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew

Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng

up the darkness Seventeen years passed

And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most

folks want to flee helps you see things more

clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in

its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along

VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland

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Oregon Humanities42POSTS

continued from previous page

Just to

underscore

how settled we

planned to be

we unpacked

EverythingEven the

heirloom china

which had never

before left its

boxes We were

here to stay

Dance Church

SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I

go to church Dance church A church

where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers

to recite A church where at first glance outsid-

ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon

arriving I see a few little munchkins running

around with oversize neon headphones on to

protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music

set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with

rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors

There are flowers candles pillow puddles

beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some

kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in

alignment with the morningrsquos intention

As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s

become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-

tainer in which I can move once again after

years of chronic freezing and dissociating A

trapped animal released back into the wild

wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom

in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism

evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with

anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our

spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist

The music awakens the holy spirit within

me and dances me through throngs of people

I am an antelope cut loose checking out the

creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns

bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms

Each stunning in their authentic movement I

see people falling in love with each other from

a distance I see a girl rocking four different

Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed

like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands

ldquopracticing dancingrdquo

This is the church of Miriam the biblical

tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of

years later I move here and I am reunited with

my self my best self my most curious mischie-

vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self

Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten

invited back in the room to whip her hair back

and forth I throw my head back in delight and

laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like

hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form

of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music

EMILY I BEDAL Portland

Again

M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R

upwardly mobile engineer That trans-

lated into at least one move per year until I was

eight and another address for high school I

moved every year in college one year twice I

moved three times during my first stint in Bos-

ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-

ment for the whole two years Then it was back

to Boston where I lived in five different homes

in five years

Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for

the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe

two years back East then back to New Mexico

in two different cities three different homes

Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates

what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo

From Albuquerque we moved to our present

home in Port Orford my thirt ieth

Moving has always been exciting cathar-

tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books

by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally

donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-

ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated

magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets

ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit

thatrsquos never happened In each new house

wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos

never worked

We vowed Port Orford would be our final

ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore

how settled we planned to be we unpacked

Everything Even the heirloom china which

had never before left its boxes We were here

to stay

Except it seems wersquore going to have to move

again but not for the exciting futures wersquod

always envisioned before Now we need doctors

and hospitals and a nearby airport for family

visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is

on the other side of adventure Now we need a

place to feel safe secure

So the sorting and throwing out is about to

begin yet again There are closets and drawers

that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to

dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of

booksmdashto give away This move exciting No

way The very thought of it exhausts me

Still those other feelings cathartic freeing

new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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43 FallWinter 2015 Move

Next theme Root

For the Spring 2016 issue tell

us your stories about rooting

around taking root being

uprooted or root-bound getting

to the root of a problem being

the root of the problem rooting

someone on Share stories and

ideas about beginnings origins

and foundations Analyze a

historical or contemporary

grassroots effort Describe

the tension between staying

put and being stuck Send your

submission (400 words maxi-

mum) by February 15 2016 to

postsoregonhumanitiesorg

Submissions may be edited for

space or clarity

Listen to Your Body

I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y

motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease

Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit

and spot-on timing Though she was confined

to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was

still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her

sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-

cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone

have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but

aching joints diminished strength and a fal-

tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back

Those maladies werenrsquot the result of

chronic disease More like lack of exercise At

some point in the past decade or so I developed

an aversion to any fitness routine That choice

has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo

class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community

Center

Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the

center for the past thirty-six years teaches

the dance-infused workout three days a week

Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at

the core of each class She dispenses praise as

we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform

deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements

and she encourages each of us to breathe and

listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably

youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying

ballet seriously By then her versatility as an

actress singer dancer and comedian had been

evident in community theater productions in

the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although

not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few

years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe

continues to lead a full life She can still stand

and press her palms flat to the floor despite

relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip

notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg

and stretch at the barre

A role model for agi ng wit h presence and

dignity Lynn maintains her considerable

charm and elegance and purposely keeps her

body and mind active Like my mother she

is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has

inspired me to accept what my body can do

today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow

Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for

getting up in the morning And by some mea-

sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE

Portland

Over the Hill

I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D

eleven times in three years I worked spring

through fall as a natural history guide in

Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure

where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned

into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply

moved around A lot With each new tempo-

rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked

clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was

nothing

At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the

person who would become my life partner

another seasonal worker We would move from

Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We

lived one magical off-season on a houseboat

on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the

ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught

me I loved wide-open spaces What could be

wider than the Pacific A fter one more season

of guiding I came back to the coast and decided

to stay

I volunteered my way into one steady job

and eventually landed another at the local

college After a few more seasons my partner

came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota

and we bought another together He built a

business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our

hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and

had a child Wersquod officially settled down

The economic hardships of rural living

however are real job opportunities decline

and can no longer support the life wersquove built

The accumulation of years no longer fits into

the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner

took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast

and we lived as a split family The split was tax-

ing though so we decided to make the move

to the city We left the first community of our

adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven

ourselves The only community our daughter

has even known Friends asked me not to go

Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart

still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the

sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes

at the memory of that moon over Tillamook

Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot

nothingmdashitrsquos every thing

NANCY SLAVIN Portland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities44

Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm

LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015

This intertwined story of two

teenage girls and their mothers

is set in New Orleans during

and after Hurricane Katrina

In her debut novel Urbani an

Oregon writer with Southern

roots brings a maternal touch

to the narrative handling trag-

edy with a careful soulfulness

and love This honest yet brutal

story will simultaneously break

and warm your heart

mdashAnnie Kaffen

At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015

Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French

Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the

Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural

French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-

tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans

and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a

snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland

Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015

Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the

Oregon physician and radicalrsquos

extraordinary experiences

from her early years working in

a textile mill in New Bedford

Massachusetts through her

activist years in Oregon includ-

ing a three-year term at San

Quentin State Prison Equi lived

openly as a lesbian beginning in

the 1890s and was one of the

first practicing female doctors

in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and

compassion for others with a

strong personal belief in social

and economic justice

mdashCarole Shel lhart

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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45 FallWinter 2015 Move

People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015

This debut collection from

Portland writer Margaret

Malone is filled with brief

bitterly funny stories about the

sort of people who tie them-

selves in knots in their heads

and feel uncomfortable in their

own skin and can never quite

bring themselves to say the

words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point

includes all of us

mdashBen Waterhouse

The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015

Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer

The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with

Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research

for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the

first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of

revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced

a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer

in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he

writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo

mdashMaggie Starr

To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for

Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon

Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205

Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe

Sasquatch Books 2015

Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter

Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt

to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography

in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers

a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden

rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance

sounds smells and much more

mdashBen Waterhouse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities46

Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson

February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum

1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg

CROPPINGS

Wendy Red Star Untitled

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4748

Oregon Humanities programs are

funded by the National Endowment

for the Humanities and the Oregon

Cultural Trust and by contributions from

individuals foundations community

organizations and corporations For

more information about Oregon

Humanities or to learn how you can help

more Oregonians get together share

ideas listen think and grow please

contact us at

921 SW Washington Street Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax

(503) 241-0024

ohmoregonhumanitiesorg

oregonhumanitiesorg

Staff

e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r

Adam Davis

facilitation and tra ining manager

Rachel Bernstein

communicationsprogram associate

Eloise Holland

editorassociate director

Kathleen Holt

development director

Kamla Hurst

program officer

Annie Kaffen

office manager

Mikaela Schey

director of finance and oper ations

Carole Shellhart

development associate

Maggie Starr

communications associate

Ben Waterhouse

program coordinator

Kyle Weismann-Yee

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4848

Board of Directorsch a i r

Sona Karentz Andrews Portland

v ic e ch a i r

Janet Webster Newport

tr e a s u r e r

Jeff Cronn Portland

secretary

Matthew Boulay Salem

Paul Duden Portland

Kimberly Howard Portland

Nels Johnson Portland

Emily Karr Portland

Shannon Mara Bend

Win McCormack Portland

Alberto Moreno Portland

Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego

Ron Paul Portland

Denise Reed Astoria

Chantal Strobel Bend

Dave Weich Portland

Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED

Non-profit Org

US Postage

PAID

Permit No 1274

Portland OR

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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11 FallWinter 2015 FROM THE DIRECTOR

W H E N I W A S FIVE A ND L IVING IN A

small Minnesota city my fatherrsquos par-

ents visited from New York On Sunday morn-

ing we went as usual to Perkins where I did

what my parents had prepared me to do I asked

for pancakes but no bacon With enthusiasm

and pride I told my grandparentsmdashMoshe and

Lottie to most people Saba and Sabtah to memdash

that because they were there I was only having

pancakes no bacon

Two decades later I went to visit the fam-

ily of the woman who is now my wife While

most of the family ate snappy cheese and corn

pudding inside the Millersburg Kentucky

home my wifersquos fatherrsquos mother asked me on

the back porch what my belief was about Jesus

Christ She listened to the first tepid sentence

of my response and thanked me and walked

into the kitchen to urge her granddaughter to

be careful

A few years ago I went with my wife and

kids to the funeral of my wifersquos motherrsquos third

husband in a Southern Baptist church in a

small town in South Carolina In a departurefrom the churchrsquos usual practice a well-

known local musician sang ldquoImaginerdquo Two

of the three eulogies were delivered from the

altar by gay men When the preacher led us in

prayer and song my kids and I and I think my

wife were silent We knew neither the words

nor the tune

My kids now ten and eight tell people who

ask that they are both Christian and Jewish I

suspect my grandparents and my wifersquos grand-

parents would have said they are neither

I donrsquot think my kids know that they are a

thoroughly contemporary diluted amalgam

of Presbyterian Southern Baptist and Jew

Therersquos Scotch-Irish and English and Lithu-

anian and Polish in there Therersquos Kentucky

and Alabama and New York and Israel and

Minnesota and Chicago Therersquos other stuff

too They see themselves as OregoniansIn a short essay thatrsquos been on my mind re-

cently the author Toureacute thinks through how

he will raise children with his soon-to-be wife

He writes that it will be his job not hers to

bring blackness into the home He tries in his

essay to figure out what that could mean but

he seems certain that the job belongs to him

Earlier this fall at the Confederated Tribes

of Grand Rondersquos Third Annual History and

Culture Summit there was a good deal of

attention to cultural inheritancemdashwhat we

receive and what we pass on Several peoplespoke of thinking seven generations back and

seven generations forward I canrsquot go back four

and find the looking forward even hardermdashand

there we were thinking about this at just the

third-annual summit an old culture becoming

new again

This summit got me thinking about how

the more pressure your culture is undermdashthe

more persecution and threat it suffersmdashthe

more likely you may be to think carefully about

preserving it recognizing it passing it on

One thing thatrsquos been passed on to me is

an undiluted commitment to questions This

time of year with the holidays and their vari-

ous rituals upon us my big question is about

what Toureacute calls his job

Merry or happy or bountiful or blessed

whatever everyone and also this what of

what yoursquove received do you want to pass on

What would you be fine leaving behind And

what can you do to transmit the good stuff

inherited or acquired later seven generations

hence

What We Pass On

A DA M DAV IS

K I M N

G U Y E N

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Oregon Humanities12

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13 FallWinter 2015 Move

Whose StateIs This

Legal measures targeting LatinoOregonians reflect fears of change

I N TH E A U TU MN O F 1 980 TE R E S A A L O NS O L E O NrsquoS FA TH E R DE C IDE D TO TA KE A

rare day off from working in the fields near Clackamas to bring his daughters to what he thought

was a publ ic pa rk Alonso Leon who was five and her sister played catch their feet crunchingfallen leaves as they ran across the grass Then a car pulled up The driver got out and shouted at

Alonso Leonrsquos father The man spoke in English but her father spoke only SpanishmdashAlonso Leon

too They had only recently arrived from the southern state of Michoacaacuten Mexico to their new

home in Oregon The man grew more agitated gesturing and raising his voice until her father

gathered the girls and left

ldquoIt was a golf course or someplace people didnrsquot want kids playingrdquo Alonso Leon who is now

forty-one recalls ldquoMy father couldnrsquot read the signs and we had no idea what the man was saying

But the way the man spoke to my father that just stuck with merdquo

Alonso Leonrsquos fami ly are modern-day Movers people who made Oregon their destination of

hope for prosperity renewal and survival But her family would not have fit the original ideal

Movers was the nineteenth-century nickname for settlers who drove west in covered wagons

ldquoRestlessness was their dominant traitrdquo historian Malcolm Clark Jr wrote in his 1981 book Eden

Seekers ldquoThe gene of it was passed from father to son as a part of the act of procreation The fron-

tier was constantly reproducing itselfrdquo

For centuries the new Oregonians worked to make sure the reproducing gene was white W hen

it won statehood in 1859 Oregon was part of the anti-slavery Northmdashif only because its constitu-

tion excluded blacks from living within the statersquos borders (The provision wasnrsquot removed until

1926) Native tribes were shuffled to reservations and Chinese workers were attacked by white

residents in Oregon City La Grande and several other communities

The twentieth-century brought more hostility In 1920 state law required non-English news-

papers to print English translations Portlandrsquos black population swelled when the cityrsquos ship-

yards expanded during World War II and city leaders segregated African Americans in North

and Northeast Portland neighborhoods and nearby Vanport a slapdash public housing project ina floodplain near the Columbia River The state didnrsquot outlaw discrimination in housing restau-

rants hotels and other accommodations until the 1950s

BRENT WALTH

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities14

Oregon can no longer look in a mirror and see a bleached face

staring back In 1980 the first year the first year the CensusBureau included ldquoHispanicrdquo as a n ethnic category fewer than 7

percent of people in the state identified themselves as anything

other than ldquowhiterdquo Now according to the most recent Census

numbers nearly one quarter identify a s something other than

ldquowhite alonerdquo

The definition of what it means to be an Oregonian has

shifted as the state has seen immigrants from Asia Eastern

Europe and Africa The biggest shift has been in the statersquos

Latino population which has grown five times faster than the

state as a whole According to the Census 125 percent of the

population now identifies as Hi spanic or Latino Several cities

now count Latinos as the majority

One of those cities is Woodburn a Marion County town of

24000 where Alonso Leon now serves as a member of the city

council and where an acceptance of languages other than Eng-

lish has helped the community deal with change ldquoIf you donrsquot

have that you instead have misunderstanding and mispercep-

tions about other peoplerdquo Alonso Leon says ldquoWersquore not sitting

down together often enough as it isrdquo

Oregon has become a state of many languages But a small

effective and (many say) xenophobic group is pushing to put

a measure on the 2016 ballot that would declare English as the

statersquos official language Oregonians will need to decide if fear will divide the state over race ethnicity and how we talk to each

other

JIM LUDWICK SEES A DAY WHEN AMERICANS WILL BE

expected to speak both English and Spanish It worries him

ldquoBeing a bilingual country is breaking down people accord-

ing to where they came from rather than encouraging everyone

to be unitedrdquo Ludwick says ldquoItrsquos a tragedy waiting to happenrdquo

Ludwick a retired pharmaceuticals salesman from McMin-

nville is cofounder of Oregonians for Immigration Reform

which is pushing the Engl ish-only measure Since its found-

ing in 2000 the group has argued that the federal govern-

mentrsquos failure to enforce immigration laws has wreaked havoc

on the country The g roup opposes any government privileges

for undocumented residents including schools and health

care Oregonians for Immigration Reform he says favors the

deportation of anyone the government discovers is living in the

country illegally That includes the estimated 120000 undocu-

mented people living in Oregonmdasha number thatrsquos actually fallen

in recent years ldquoThis country was founded on the rule of lawrdquoLudwick says ldquoWersquore now seeing people openly violating our

immigration laws while try ing to impose new laws on usrdquo

For years Oregonians for Immigration Reform wasnrsquot taken

seriously in Salem or seen as a political threat Its leadersrsquo ten-

dency to broadbrush Latinos leaves many people uncomfort-

able When asked about immigration for example Ludwick

steers the conversation to ldquoillegalsrdquo stealing Social Security

numbers Mexicans run ning drugs a nd undocumented resi-

dents committing other crimes

The Southern Poverty Law Center a Montgomery Ala-

bamandashbased watchdog on issues of discrimination maintains a

nationwide list of ldquonativist extremistrdquo groups it says go beyondadvocating on immigration policy to targeting immigrants

themselves Oregonians for Immigration Reform is one of nine-

teen groups on the organizationrsquos nationwide list

Ludwick says this characterization of his group is unfair ldquoIf

I even question our immigration policies then Irsquom a racistrdquo he

says ldquoThatrsquos not it at all I want the United States to be a great

country that welcomes people from all over as we always have

But itrsquos foolish to think it will be i f we continue with our immi-

gration policiesrdquo

The grouprsquos status as an outsidermdashand its leaderrsquos view of its

place in Oregon politicsmdashchanged in 2014

Oregon once had relatively lax laws when it came to granting

driversrsquo licenses Starting in 2008 the state legislature required

proof of citizenship or legal residency such as a Social Security

number or other papers Latino groups (long courted by the

Democrats who run Salem) spent the next five years pushing

to overturn the law They succeeded in 2013 when lawmakers

established a ldquodriverrsquos cardrdquo for residents who could not prove

they were in the country legally

Oregonians for Immigration Reform fought the new law by

gathering the 58000 signatures needed to put the question on

the November 2014 ballot A ldquoyesrdquo vote would uphold the leg-

islaturersquos actions Backers including some farm groups saidthe measure was practical and compassionate But the mea-

sure became a proxy for frustration about the nationrsquos broken

The definition of what

it means to be anOregonian has shiftedas the state has seenimmigrants from AsiaEastern Europe and Africa The biggest shifthas been in the statersquos

Latino population which has grown fivetimes faster than thestate as a whole

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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15 FallWinter 2015 Move

immigration system and Oregon voters crushed the measure

two to one

The victory Ludwick says shows Oregonians agree with his

grouprsquos views that immigration is out of control and that the gov-

ernment should not be rewarding people who are here illegally

He says much of the country is with his groupmdashand the suc-

cess of Republican presidential candidate Donald Trumprsquos

rhetoric about immigrants is proof When he announced his

candidacy in June 2015 Trump said Mexico was dumping drug

dealers and rapists into the United States ldquoAnd some I assumerdquo

Trump added ldquoare good peoplerdquo

ldquoWhen he did thatrdquo Ludwick says ldquohe shot right up in the

polls He chose to talk about immigration because hersquos a guy who

likes leverage He knows thatrsquos a subject that appeals to regular

Americansrdquo

O R E GO N S A W ITS L A TINO P O P U L A TIO N GR O W A FTE R World War II when the United States opened its borders to bra-

ceros guest workers from Mexico who labored in the fields The

program ended in the mid-1960s but the statersquos farmers were

by then dependent on migrant workers United Farm Workers

(UFW ) leader Cesar Chavez often brought his protests to Ore-

gon denouncing the low wages unsafe conditions and abysmal

housing for many of the statersquos estimated 40000 migrant work-

ers half of whom took seasonal jobs in the Willamette Valley

The UFWrsquos actions sparked backlash against Latinos in

many places but Oregon turned away from a cultural battle In

1971 the Republican-controlled legislature passed a bill to stop

farmworkers from organizing They put intense pressure onthen-Governor Tom McCallmdasha fellow Republican who grew up

in a ranching familymdashto sign it McCall nearly did but protests

and vigils against the bill moved him (as did Chavezrsquos threats of

boycotts) and it troubled him that the state was about to deny

rights and protections for people who came here to work ldquoHellrdquo

McCall said when the bill-signing deadline approached ldquoIrsquom

going to veto that son of a bitchrdquo And he did Over the years

many migrants stopped moving around and settled in the Wil-

lamette Valley and they beckoned others from their home coun-

tries to join them

Teresa Alonso Leonrsquos family was among those who heard the

call Her parents arrived in Oregon without documentation Her

father left their home in Michoacaacuten in early 1980 and moved

to Clackamas where relatives had told him he could find bet-

ter-paying work than he had in Mexico In Oregon her parents

worked at least two jobs at a ti me often seven days a week For

four years her family lived in a ramshackle house in Gervais

without plumbing They used a n outhouse and hauled in buck-

ets of water filled from a garden hose to cook and clean In the

winter the water stored in the buckets indoors froze

Her parents wanted their children to avoid the life they had

as laborers and for Alonso Leon school was transformative She

quickly saw the need to learn Englishmdashher teachers made herrepeat first grade because she struggled with the new language

But she soon caught up and became the familyrsquos translator

during doctorrsquos visits or meetings at her school

ldquoI had to become the spokesperson for the familyrdquo she says

In 1986 Congress passed an immigration amnesty bill that

offered legal residency to 29 million people Not yet a teenager

Alonso Leon represented her parents as they met the require-

ments to earn legal status gathering work histories from past

employers studying US history and demonstrating basic Eng-

lish skills (Her parents earned legal residency that covered

Alonso Leon She became a US citizen in 2013)

Her family eventually moved to Woodburn where she

attended high school before earning her GED through a pro-

gram at the University of Oregon She went on to graduate from

Wester n Ore gon Uni versity and Portland Stat e University

where she earned a masterrsquos degree in public administration

Alonso Leon has spent most of her career looki ng for ways to

make school more avai lable to low-income students or those who

are the first in their families to attend college At Portland Com-munity College she helped develop a program to guide migrant

students in adjusting to their first year in college Today she

runs the state of Oregonrsquos GED program in the Department of

Community Colleges and Workforce Development which each

year helps 1700 students gain their high-school equivalency

Families like hers have worked here for decades paying ta xes

and working to offer their children better lives And Alonso

Leon worries that Oregon will declare its government recog-

nizes only English

ldquoIt sends the message that as a state wersquore denying that peo-

ple should be able to live here and speak their native languagerdquo

Alonso Leon says ldquo It also sends the message t hat i mmigrantsarrive and reject the language thatrsquos spoken here Thatrsquos not the

case People try to learn English because they wa nt to succeedrdquo

Alonso Leonrsquos parents still struggle with English even a fter

three decades in Oregon Mastering the language she says often

requires education and trainingmdashsomething that her parents

and many other immigra nts have lacked

ldquoMy parents worked two or three jobs at a time at low wages

all these yearsrdquo she says ldquoYou can say to my parents lsquoWhy have

you not done a better job of learning Englishrsquo The answer is

they spent all their time making sure their children were fed

and clothedrdquo

THE MEASUR E SUPPORTED BY OREGONIANS FOR IMMI-

gration Reform would if passed by voters require state and

local governments to conduct business in English Oregon

law already requires that in many cases even though Oregon

is one of nineteen states without a blanket official-language

declaration

But the Oregon measure could go beyond what other states

impose its language suggests that (with some exceptions) it

could become illegal for government agencies to provide com-

munications with the public in languages besides Englishmdash

despite the fact that 15 percent of Oregonians speak a languageother than English at home Portland Public Schools for exam-

ple prints materials for parents in several languagesmdasha practice

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities16

Ludwick says is a waste of money

Ludwick recalls an illustration he saw in a social studies text-

book he had in high school ldquoIt was of this giant cooking potrdquo

he says ldquoPeople from all over the world are jumping inmdashpeople

with sombreros and so on And in the picture Uncle Sam is stir-

ring itmdashstirring the pot the melting pot And the people who had

jumped in earlier are now climbing out dressed like Americans

They had coats and ties onrdquo

ldquoThe point isrdquo he says ldquoit was about assimilation It used to

be you come to America to become an American Not a Hispanic

American New immigrants today donrsquot want to be assimilated

They want to divide themselves off from us while imposing their

cultural beliefs on usrdquo

The threat Ludwick sees is about more than language Itrsquos

about influence and powermdashless about reforming immigration

laws than it is about forcing a cultural norm on Oregonrsquos immi-

grants His grouprsquos attention to Latinos in particular is basedin sheer numbersmdash40 percent of immigrants in Oregon were

born in Mexicomdashbut also on the success of organi zations such

as Causa Oregon to push a political agenda These groups have

had some victories including a 2013 law allowing college tuition

grants for undocumented students who attended Oregon high

schools But the doors of power have not been knocked open

The state has seen only one Latino elected official statewide

(former state schools superintendent Susan Castillo) and only

a handf ul of legislators

What Oregonians for Immigration Reform plays on is fearmdash

the fear of a non-Latino majority losing influence and facing

discrimination for not speaking Spanish In its troubled his-tory Oregon has turned on the ldquootherrdquo foreigners blacks any

faceless group accused of stealing something from the rest of us

including jobs culture andmdashnowmdashlanguage

The last thing Oregon needs is another dark chapter of rac-

ism disguised as nationalistic duty What the state could use

instead is a moment of illumination and courage

Itrsquos happened before in another context A half century ago

Oregon set out to protect its farms and forests by carefully plan-

ning for the rapid population growth that was coming Its lead-

ers (primari ly Governor Tom McCall) engaged in a long often

rending discussion about the need for land-use laws Invective

followedmdashfoes called Oregon a communist state and voters in

many parts of the state would still erase land-use laws from the

books in a hea rtbeat given the chance But it took someone with

guts to cha llenge hardened beliefs and prepare Oregon for the

future

Itrsquos time for another conversation this one about the chang-

ing face of the state Oregonrsquos long history with a whites-only

club running things is ending Imagine seeing a leader in Oregon

brave enough to embrace that futuremdashespecially now that the

nationrsquos political debate is oozing anti-immigrant poison

A future Oregon leader who gets up the nerve to t alk about

the value of a more diverse Oregonmdashand the need to account

for itmdashneed look no further than Woodburn a city that thirty

years ago no one would predict would be a model for cultural

tolerance The town struggled with change as Latino and Rus-

sian immigrants came to the area Today Woodburn proudly

talks of its ldquoLittle Mexicordquo business district The school district

has seen enormous success in graduating students from high

school in large part because of its bilingual approach in theclassroom The city routinely sends out information about the

library parks and water bills in English and Spanish And the

cityrsquos website has a button that allows visitors to translate its

pages into thirty-six lang uages

Alonso Leon says that despite Woodburnrsquos progress the city

has a lot of ground to gain when it comes to making itself open

to everyone She says the city council rarely sees members of the

Latino community appear before it and that the only Spanish

speakers who attend meetings on a regular basis are usually her

parents who like to watch her in action She says the city has

formed a committee to find ways Woodburn can knock down

cultural and language barriers that keep non-English speakersfrom believing they have a role in civic debates

ldquoWe need to do more to make ourselves inviting and avail-

ablerdquo she says ldquoTelling people only English is acceptable in

government runs against the idea that everyone has the right

to be heardrdquo

Alonso Leon won an appointment to city council in 2013 and

must run for her seat this year if she wa nts to keep it Shersquos never

sought public office before and she could appear on the same

election ballot as Trump and the Oregonians for Immigration

Reform measuremdashan irony that isnrsquot lost on her

Alonso Leon expects a campaign wil l test her Shersquod be the

third Latino elected to the council (shersquos the only one serving

there now) and she says she has never been afraid to tell her story

ldquoIf people are asking questions and scrutinizing who I am

that means theyrsquore considering me or someone like merdquo she

says ldquoAnd that in itself is progressrdquo

Brent Walth has been an Oregon journalist since 1984 Hersquos

the former managing editor at Willamette Week and senior

investigative reporter for the Oregonian and author of Fire at

Edenrsquos Gate a biography of Oregon Governor Tom McCall

Hersquos now an assistant professor in the University of Oregon

School of Journalism and Communication

The threat Ludwicksees is about more thanlanguage Itrsquos about

influence and power

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17 FallWinter 2015 Move

Communityin Flux

A long-persecuted people begins to speak out

I N P O R T L A N D T H E C H R I S T M A S O F 1 9 4 4 W A S B I T -

terly cold and blanketed in white It snowed for days and

stayed close to freezing as the New Year approached But Port-

landers were distracted from the unusually cruel weather by

news that Portland Mayor Earl Riley was forcing dozens of

Roma out of the citymdashand by God it was about time the news-papers crowed Although many members of the local Kalderash

community of Roma had been working in the Kaiser shipyard

factories for the US war effort elected officials law enforce-

ment and the media fell over themselves to justify r unning the

Roma out of town

The Oregon Journal reported that encouraged by police the

Romamdashdescribed as ldquothe gaily dressed wanderersrdquomdashasked for

assistance to return to Texas and New Mexico because Portland

was ldquotoo coldrdquo for them Mayor R iley p ersuaded the US Of fice

of Price Administration (OPA) the federal bureau in charge of

rationing to issue special gas rations to the Roma so they could

make the drive south

The Oregonian considered this a ldquonotable featrdquo by the mayor

not only because the OPArsquos rationing of items like gas rubber

sugar and butter was so strict but also because Riley was ldquogetting

rid of at least half the gy psies [who] have been afflicting the cityrdquo

ldquoWe are right proud of our mayorrdquo the paper wrote

This was the same Mayor Riley who is purported to be one of

the most corrupt mayors in Portlandrsquos history Though his office

accused the Roma of using fortune-telling as a front for prostitu-

tion Riley allegedly kept a special safe in City Hall just for the

bribes he collected from these same types of criminal opera-

tions He was neither indicted nor punished despite criticism bythe City Club of Portland instead he amassed a fortune in ille-

gal enterprises over his lifetime Meanwhile the Roma families

LISA LOVING

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Oregon Humanities18

A detective and two policemen

escort two arrested Romani women

from the paddy wagon into the

Police Headquarters building at SW

2nd amp Oak in 1951

in Portland barely got by sometimes using abandoned storefronts as homes

Carol Silvermanmdasha professor of cultural anthropology and folklore at the

University of Oregon who has studied worked with and advocated for Roma

locally and around the world for almost forty yearsmdashsays the group of Roma in

Portland who came to work in the shipyards during the war were turned upon

when the war was over ldquoJust like Rosie the Riveter when women no longer were

needed for welding and [were told they] should go back to the homerdquo Silverman

says ldquoit was perceived that this group of Roma was no longer needed in the cityPerceived as foreign outsiders dangerous [they were] given these gas rations to

drive out of staterdquo

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19 FallWinter 2015 Move

COURTESY THOMAS ROBINSON

Roma in America today are a community in flux Families

still identify their lineages through distinct ethnic communi-

ties sometimes called tribes including the Sinti Romanichal

and Kalderash and these communities tend to blend in with

the mainstream In the Northwest a look through local busi-

ness listings will not reveal any obvious groups or organiza-

tions serving them except a handful of very tight-knit Christian

churches Most Kalderash would prefer to live under the radar

says Silverman for a compelling historical reason almost

everywhere theyrsquove gone Roma people have been oppressed by

both government and society

Originally from India Roma communities are traditionally

nomadic From the fourteenth century until the Romanian

emancipation of 1864 Roma were enslaved and traded by the

local nobility in a large area of southern Romania including

Walachia and Moldovia with the support of church institutions

Roma moved to the Northwest in the largest numbers after1864 with Kalderash families settling in the area between 1880

and 1920 Silverman says ldquoFrom the first time they came to

America there were rules regulating where Roma could live and

where they could settle and even the kind of work they could do

Many cities had anti-fortune-telling edicts fortune-telling poli-

cies on the books Some cities actually still have themrdquo

Accused of being naturally inferior and prone to crime Roma

people in the Northwest have been targeted and harassed by

local law enforcement and negatively depicted in the media In

1906 the Oregonian wrote ldquoThe police allege that the gypsies

have such a penchant for stealing everything that is not nai led

down that it is necessary always to lsquokeep an eye on themrsquordquo Andthe Ashland Daily Tidings in 1916 wrote ldquoTrue to their inborn

instincts the horde of gypsies which passed through Ashland

last Sunday failed to get out of t he country without committing

a serious depredationrdquo

No scholar has studied discrimination against the Roma as

fully as Ian Hancock a University of Texas at Austin professor of

linguistics English and Asian studies who laid out his findings

in a 2007 research paper He writes that despite five special US

Congressional sessions addressing the increase in anti-Romani

hate crimes in Europe and the correlative increase in Romani

asylum seekers to the United States ldquoThere nevertheless remain

laws on the books in various states and counties that continue

to operate against Gypsies Many of these laws a list of which

fills thirty-four pages were inherited from Europe and were

intended to be used against the earlier Gypsy populations in the

United States they have since found new application against

the more recently arrived and more v isible Eastern European

Roma escaping the post-Communist increase in racial violence

in that region many of whom are seeking political asylum hererdquo

But despite the hostility they have traditionally faced

Romani people have also historically been linchpins of their

local economies Silverman says Roma in Europe worked in

metalcraft which t hey applied in the United States to recopperand re-tin household items at the turn of the century ldquoUntil the

1950s before stainless steel in order to have a working kitchen

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities20

Most Americanshave no idea

that their owngovernment waspersecuting Romapeople at thesame time Romain Europe werebeing murdered inthe Holocaust

you had to have your pots and pans redonerdquo Silverman says ldquoThis was a real

Romani skillrdquo

This skill in metalwork was perfect for the emerging car industry in 1920s

and rsquo30s America ldquoRoma did this kind of service for many many Northwest

Americans and then eventua lly they got i nto t he car sales businessrdquo Silver-

man says The Romarsquos family-based car repair operations competed directly

with corporate auto repair shops offering an alternative to high-dollar services

with the personal attention of a family business So by World War II not only

was Mayor Riley rsquos expulsion of Roma families cruel but it also likely damaged

the local economy

Most Americans have no idea that their own government was persecut-

ing Roma people at the same time Roma in Europe were being murdered in

the Holocaust The Nazis killed an estimated 220000 to 500000 Roma men

women and childrenmdashperhaps 25 percent of the European Roma populationmdash

between 1935 and 1945 Morgan Ahern a SintiRomanichal Roma and founder

of Seattle-based organization Lolo Diklo Romani Against Racism believes

the number of Roma killed may be as high as 15 million ldquoMany [were killed] inconcentration campsrdquo she says ldquobut many more [were] just shot on the roadrdquo

Silverman agrees that the effect of the Holocaustmdashknown to some Roma as

the Porraimos or ldquothe devouringrdquomdashon the Roma has been ldquoa footnote in most

textbooksrdquo and is only starti ng to be examined in Holocaust museums because

of lobbying by Roma and their allies

Also overlooked in the history of Roma in the United States generations of

Roma children taken from their parents and warehoused in foster care systems

because of lifestyle differences and some families say racism Ahern was one

of those children removed from her family and put into foster care after her

parents were deemed unfit to ta ke care of her because they were Romani and

nomadic

Even today many Romani individuals and families lack birth certificatesand marriage certificates making them vulnerable to government officialsrsquo

whims Silverma n says ldquoThings like being fingerprinted havi ng a birth certifi-

cate might mean that your children are going to be taken away These historic

memories are very very very much alive for Romardquo

After generations of abuse a modest tide of Roma are beginning to speak out

about their civil rights and demand fair t reatment including fair accommoda-

tions in trying to obtain legal documentation for family members who were

born in the United States Silverman who is on the board of the nonprofit Voice

of Roma says she was involved in a c ase in Portland in which it was argued that

oral testimony in a birth is equivalent to a birth certificate ldquoWhen people bear

witness to a marriagerdquo Silverman says ldquoit doesnrsquot matter if therersquos no marriage

certificate It could be issued based on hindsight on memoryrdquo

For a community that has for generations avoided keeping their money in

bank accounts and sending their children to public schools social isolation is

giving way to an emerging movement for empowerment

On the East Coast Kalderash filmmaker George Eli produces films about

his family and is currently building a media channel on Roma And at the

University of Texas Hancock who is Romanichal Roma has spent decades

building the Program of Romani Studies and the Romani Arch ives and Docu-

mentation Center

Ahern founded Lolo Diklo which means ldquored scarfrdquo in 1986 along w ith a

fellow teacher at Seattle Central College The grouprsquos purpose is to document

discrimination and persecution of Romani Ahernrsquos fatherrsquos Romanichal fam-ily have lived in the United States since the 1700s and were originally sent from

Ireland by the British government as slaves Her motherrsquos family were Sinti who

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21 FallWinter 2015 Move

No documentsor oral histories

exist showingwhat happened tothe Roma familiesforced out ofPortland in 1944

arrived in the United States in the late 1930s

fleeing the climate in Germany Her maternal

grandmother pretended to be Italian to get into

the country

Over the years Ahern has traveled through-

out the West Coast lecturing about Roma cul-ture and civil rights She works with Romani

organizations across the United States South

America Canada Europe and Spain

Silverman adds that over the past twenty

years many American Roma have become

born-again Christians establishing their own

churches or joining evangelical congregations

Some of these church leaders are emerging as

community spokespeoplemdashsomething very

new for a community that has been persecuted

for so long ldquoThere are Roma who donrsquot want

to be left alone anymore because they are at a

disadvantage when they are left alonerdquo Silver-

man says ldquoThey are being very brave to actu-

ally interact with t he US court systemrdquo

But despite these efforts even today the dis-

crimination that Roma face by revealing their

heritage remains very real ldquoIn their historical

memory interacting with American institu-

tions has often resulted in a form of marginal-

izationrdquo Silverman says

For example Silverman describes ethnic

profiling by police bureaus through what wereknown as ldquobunco squadsrdquo police bureaus in

the South that had ldquoGypsy unitsrdquo to focus on

ldquoGypsy crimerdquo She says ldquoThis is ethnic profiling of crime

assuming that all Roma commit a certain kind of crime and

certain ki nds of crimes are only committed by Romardquo

The racial profiling of Roma people doesnrsquot stop with law

enforcement it is a staple of local news The language used

in Pacific Northwest news coverage in the past ten years to

describe alleged offenders has hardly changed from what was

writ ten in newspapers in the early 1900s

In 2007 a ldquoNight Cabbierdquo column in Willamette Week

sparked outrage ldquoThe Gypsies apparently are no jokerdquo the

unidentified cab driverwriter penned about the apparent rav-

ings of a customer ldquoDespite what we may think she explains to

us that real Gypsies arenrsquot nomadic livestock thieves but in fact

have been living in her neighborhood for decades And theyrsquore

very bad neighborsrdquo

ldquoThis is racist nonsenserdquo a reader responded ldquoInexcusable

for a serious newspaper to print such offensive content about areal livi ng breathing person in the neighborhood on account of

one of his neighbors For all we know this bigoted fool is the bad

neighborrdquo

No documents or oral histories exist showing what happened

to the Roma families forced out of Portland in 1944 Did they

stay in Texas Did they return to the Northwest Did they find

safety Or were they forced on toward some other location And

most important how in the Information Age is it possible that

the Roma experience has been all but forgotten by the main-

stream of society

Silverman holds out hope that organizations such as Voice of

Roma and Lolo Diklo can help Roma keep from getting caught inunfriendly bureaucratic systems as well as provide an opening

for more outreach and understanding The Portland Romani

Festival a one-day celebration featuring food music and infor-

mation on human rights issues affecting Roma people is ten-

tatively scheduled for late spring 2016 The Festival Romani

Facebook page is a fountain of music and cu ltural events par-

ticularly music performances up and down the West Coast

ldquoI think people should become knowledgeable about Romani

history and discrimination in order to combat itrdquo Silverman

says ldquoIt seems to me that while wersquore talking about ethnic a nd

racial diversity we can no longer eliminate a large group that

has suffered prejudice for so many years and continues to suffer

prejudicerdquo

Thanks to Fair Housing Council of Oregon for sharing this

story with Oregon Humanities through its history bus tour

Lisa Loving has reported on civil rights and diversity in

Oregon for more than fifteen years She is a news and

public affairs producer at KBOO Community Radio 907

FM in Portland and the former news editor of the award-

winning African American community newspaper the

Skanner Her new book How to Be a Citizen Journalist will

be released in 2017 by Microcosm Publishing

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities22

Like all places Oregon has a brand an identity that distinguishes

it from other places This identity is a pastiche of characteris-

ticsmdashenvironmental and agricultural urban and rural intrepid and

entrepreneurialmdashthat become a kind of shorthand that rightly or

wrongly insiders and outsiders read to understand what this state

and its people collectively value But how much do we the resi-

dents of this place really know about the systems behind these

things that seem to represent our identity

On the pages that follow we look more closely at just four ofthese cultural identifiers and how they move through their individ-

ual systems coho salmon up the Columbia River past historical

sites trash recyclables reusables and compost from Portland to

other parts of the state and the world bicycles buses and cars

up a busy corridor through a rapidly changing neighborhood and

ideas measures and laws through what is sometimes called the

Oregon System

Thanks to sources at the Confluence Project Death with Dignity Friends of the Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge Heiberg Garbage and

Recycling Metro MIG Northwest Power and Conservation Council Ofce of the Secretary of State Oregon History Project Oregon Legis -

lature Portland Bureau of Transportation TriMet and US Forest Servicersquos Pacific Northwest Research Station for their help with this story

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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23 FallWinter 2015 Move

Salmon up the Columbia RiverAFTER SPENDING sixteen to twenty months at sea a coho

salmon begins her journey up the Columbia and Sandy Rivers

back to her natal spawning grounds This amazing biological phe-

nomenon is also rich with cultural significance and the landmarks

she passes upstream mark the politics and history of her species

1 Salmon were central to the Chinook that once inhabited villages

along the lower Columbia and seining was the most important

method used to catch the fish As runs declined in the early twen-

tieth century white fishermen drove the Chinook off Sand Island

and Peacock Spit two of the most productive seining areas in

the estuary Seining was prohibited by Washington in 1934 and

Oregon in 1948

2 On March 16 1806 Meriwether Lewis drew and described a fish

brought to him at Fort Clatsop ldquoThe white Salmon Trout has

now made itrsquos appearance in the creeks near this place one of

them was brought us today by an Indian who had just taken it with

his gig this is a likness of itrdquo The fish was later classified as coho

salmon Oncorhynchus kisutch

3 In 1866 the brothers George W and William Hume and Andrew

S Hapgood established a salmon cannery at Eagle Cliff

Washington packing 4000 cases their first year In 1895 up to

50 Columbia canneries produced 635000 cases of salmon But

by 1977 the pack was just 2547 cases The last major cannery

on the Columbia closed in 1980

4 On November 5 1805 Lewis and Clark recorded a visit to the

ldquoQuathapotle Nationrdquo one of the largest Chinookan villages the

expedition encountered Today Cathlapotle is an archeological site

and the home of a modern plankhouse which serves as an outdoor

classroom and is used by the Chinook Indian Nation

5 In 2008 Maya Linrsquos sculpture Bird Blind was dedicated The blind

lists 134 plants documented by Lewis and Clark along with one

word on their status today thriving threatened endangered or

extinct Coho are listed as threatened today

6 In 2007 the Marmot Dam part of Portland General Electric hydro-

electric project in the Sandy River basin was removed due to

pressure from conservation groups and rising management costs

Built in 1913 by Portland Railway Light and Power Company the

dam provided hydroelectric power to Portland Today salmon navi-gate a free-flowing river mdashTRM

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities24

1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every

other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-

cling one of a number of independent haulers

in the Metro region grind their gears uphill

traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food

scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-

board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue

recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in

the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green

roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-

egory recycling compost and yard waste and

garbage

2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly

either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-

gon Recycling System past the airport in East

Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery

facilities (there are a handful in the region)

which then sell the materials based on demand

in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others

in foreign countries such as China

3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable

waste the other trucks head to Metro Central

Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro

South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-

tions in the region Last year almost a half a

million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos

two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins

other company haulers contractors with con-

struction waste and residential customers with

miscellaneous items not picked up through

home collection service At the transfer station

the sorting process begins

4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature

Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-

ogy Organics outside of North Plains about

twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about

twelve miles north of Corvallis

5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household

items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material

in roads

6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader

then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time

is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer

stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a

three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty

no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush

plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo

According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the

garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material

The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is

often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per

minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to

an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the

plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity

powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM

Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland

Waste fromSouthwestPortland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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25 FallWinter 2015 Move

1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in

winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period

in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a

twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source

TriMet)

HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make

every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-

tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed

Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-

age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo

In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin

Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the

new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue

represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even

signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from

the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles

per hour depending on the time of day

The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars

buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic

signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and

emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one

hundred intersections throughout Portland

Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North

Williams today reflects a different wave of development and

demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share

the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to

bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes

to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density

residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG

Traffic on North Williams Avenue

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities26

Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect

changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-

erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed

law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or

rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already

passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a

referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather

than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-

ers approved this system in 1902

This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an

initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on

a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided

driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal

documentation of US citizenship status

1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three

ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)

Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text

of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall

issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to

provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)

2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-

tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)

3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of

Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative

petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State

Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal

Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)

4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is

certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults

to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88

58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold

of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to

qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-

ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without

requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to

Dec 2013)

5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88

Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor

Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)

6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51

to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails

666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-

croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered

by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed

lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move

(2003)

7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block

saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-

zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the

case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor

General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the

practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The

US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide

law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG

Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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27 FallWinter 2015 Move

SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137

983158983151983145983139983141

N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -

room closet I came across a box of old family photographs

I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color

photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-

ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five

standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie

primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos

hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-

tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against

the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But

the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a

frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat

in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple

of the Sun

A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -

graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one

end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both

L A I L A L A L A M I

Al-Mursquoallaqat

The GoldenOdes of Love

J E N W I C K S T U D I O

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Oregon Humanities28

of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels

science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-

raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to

love books so much perhaps books provided them an education

about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing

from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches

that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-

ing the reign of King Hassan

It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned

to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed

copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from

friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about

whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-

drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new

offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte

which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne

Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others

Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les

petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why

the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion

Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which

the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to

either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan

tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three

Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords

and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo

Of course none of the characters in these books looked or

spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly

all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan

bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their

homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my

own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they

had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary

world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an

alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define

normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like

my country my imagination had been colonized

I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly

the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-

acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the

fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled

my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high

school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes

where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-

yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as

well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father

said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it

was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted

D RISS C H RAI BI

LA

CI VI LISA TIO N

MA M E R E

PAR

ALEXANDRE DUMAS

Taha Hussein

THE

DA YS

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29 FallWinter 2015 Move

When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same

school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum

el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine

At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were

taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled

with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still

the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-

language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from

the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi

al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the

Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese

Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-

moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some

of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved

each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a

classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-

els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan

authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-

tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren

It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read

adult literature on my own and independently from school that

I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-

ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos

La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a

sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin

Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book

that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment

of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read

lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was

as fertile ground for fiction as any other

And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature

nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in

French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after

all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-

latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss

Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was

ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a

particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made

it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I

was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train

in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco

medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-

ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my

hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat

or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-

matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely

be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study

linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in

a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in

an analytica l way

Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in

Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship

to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait

I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and

racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School

of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work

of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went

back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how

often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes

Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in

our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in

formal soireacutees French was de rigueur

Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-

guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles

and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in

English which made me think even more about the relationship

between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a

prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power

an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people

The education I had received had emphasized the importance

of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our

media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the

shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed

in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored

by the French government for free access to books The role of

Every time I went back

to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much

and how often we moved

between French and

Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not

went through life

switching between codes

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Oregon Humanities30

French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a

cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no

longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case

of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should

not be writing at all

I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish

after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried

to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of

me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that

stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have

immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the

native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow

me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred

to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic

languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought

Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my

days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use

English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the

linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh

perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a

child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-

gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the

same story

I have always written because I have always had the urge to

tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided

that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-

thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my

race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-

larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while

the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and

waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had

enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos

phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-

rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat

seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of

others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the

works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s

such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in

the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and

sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing

graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had

always told stories but now I wanted to be heard

This essay was first published in World Literature Today

Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami

Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The

Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The

Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy

Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for

Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016

Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16

and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for

more information and to buy tickets

Writing in French came

at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial

baggage that I no longer

wanted to carry I started

to suffer from a peculiar

case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic

perhaps I should not be

writing at all

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31 FallWinter 2015 Move

A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good

LORETTA STINSON

I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M

every day after work waiting for Bruce to

get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching

myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me

sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on

from a distance at whatever is happening to

me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie

and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-

kick of the star or I play a supporting role but

I am definitely not the star of this movie The

moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom

just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been

able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed

freak for fifteen years

Sun through the small rectangular win-

dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats

wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in

1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from

the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom

watchi ng my past present a nd future selves

do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental

after another waiting for the next bad thing

to happen and not getting out of the way even

when I see it coming The habit of living in con-

stant fear and the resignation that nothing can

ever change are the glue that holds me in place

This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting

on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on

Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on

hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the

future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who

can only be counted on not to be counted on

In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses

and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about

J U L I A N N A B R I O N

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Oregon Humanities32

detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot

change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-

ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what

the old-timers were saying Needless to say

I didnrsquot

Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go

home and try some new strategy to make Bruce

quit using I once read a book about how sugar

was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding

him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein

diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck

them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat

and beer is a very filling meal in itself When

he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put

in front of him but speed and alcohol are his

drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-

ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never

remembers what he does to me and since he

doesnrsquot remember I have to forget

It be what it be Bruce says about all things

unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color

electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it

be Today I see things clearly for the first time

Today I see myself on this couch waiting for

someone else to do the changing Today I see

that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be

my life until the day he kills me or he dies or

I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been

disappointed too many times Addiction his to

drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove

been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot

see my part until now

My only friend has been telling me for

months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I

have left many times for a day or a week but

Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop

drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs

to me for the first time that this is absurd and a

huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe

itrsquos me who needs to change and not because

that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction

is his business

Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll

be wasted because it was payday and most of

his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-

ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood

alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or

hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how

those will interact with his mood the kind of

day he had and if hersquos eaten

None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for

such a long time that I could Like every person

who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that

if I did all the right things I would figure out a

way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on

his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine

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33 FallWinter 2015 Move

I worked like some kind of crazy statistician

making up story problems to predict what he

might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job

and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without

eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito

at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos

left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going

to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-

ing home mistakes his second wife for his first

wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out

Please show your work

I have never been able to figure out the rec-

ipe for equilibrium His or mine

Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce

comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not

wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face

slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat

the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says

Itrsquos not really a question but I answer

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him

clearly for the first time I see his addiction in

action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have

nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest

thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can

do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look

at him for too long when hersquos been drinking

kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash

you just back away slowly and try not to piss

him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows

too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how

little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs

to believe because he has to be mad at some-

one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom

just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by

the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about

nothing that it was never my face that pissed

him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He

needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave

to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do

no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a

revelation

He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you

looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on

the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-

spread that covers its stained sagging cush-

ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier

mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore

afraid when hersquos like this and they should be

Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that

hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what

if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already

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Oregon Humanities34

dead or at least not living just existing on the

edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story

Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom

suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am

afraid of being killed

I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to

make a home The china teacups that I str ung

together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks

in the window like a mobile The plants my

booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the

sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the

bed my dad and I refinished before I left home

The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday

The fifteen years of history we have together

one year short of half my life tonight not all of

it bad He is no monster just a man struggling

wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to

face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo

He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo

He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo

Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He

screams them at me knowing how in the past

these are the very words that made me cling to

him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go

Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but

this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest

the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about

his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does

Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom

seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man

Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried

to help for his own good right This man Irsquove

tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody

made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when

I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself

Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the

usual responseI know three things tonight Number one

If I stay this will be my life until I die Number

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities36

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37 FallWinter 2015 Move

M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN

he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline

somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and

believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he

turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean

for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees

in rows

My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home

at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York

City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for

rows of buildings

ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says

In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark

skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the

Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n

My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I

met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo

My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too

often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance

of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He

was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister

a year later

My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my

father a suit They seem happy in the picture

Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put

half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband

My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years

My grandmother died

All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a

life rocked with waves

P A I G E

V I C K E R S

JASON ARI AS

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Oregon Humanities38

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have

let that slip through thecracksrdquo

My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes

My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why

Grandma was hiding

Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here

To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-

vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where

we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We

have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo

I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened

My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next

closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed

a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time

tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the

process

Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends

Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his

giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist

until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again

We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in

the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-

ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-

lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be

Ama zons)

The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door

I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour

feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean

ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said

We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not

about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same

ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As

kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon

I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower

water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the

high tide after being beached again and again

One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom

decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia

One of my new Olympian friends flicked a

match that started a fire inside my mattress I

tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking

Mom came home and we put the burning

bed outside

This isnrsquot a metaphor

I slept on the floor of my bedroom that

night missing the ocean of Grayland while my

mom and sister shared their bed in the room

next to mine The next morning my mattress

was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-

ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a

popular song on the radio at the time One of us

would start singing the lyrics

How can we dance when our earth is turning

and then wersquod all join in

How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh

But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame

Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-

land That no matter how many times we

were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty

porous flotation device on which to try to

reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe

even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the

way we did as something gia nt and limit less

something to be feared and conquered some-

thing to be moved by

In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a

flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called

my name and the light receded back down the

hall disappearing into the living room and

slipping out the front door

We discovered that the flickering light had

left wax shapes on the carpet of our living

room that could have been bad pentagrams or

the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It

left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot

take any money It left us wondering if some

past boyfriend had found us somehow

Whi le we were out the next day somebody

hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment

door Mom winced at the divots denting the

wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing

mechanism once was with her hand

We left the dishes in the sink

We left no forwarding address

We boarded a bus

Two days later we were on the doorstep of

the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with

a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my

backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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39 FallWinter 2015 Move

in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever

received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer

trophies in the other

At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude

who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-

thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been

there were two concave smooth-skinned div-

ots She was always smiling I liked watching

how Jude listened

Before long the four of us moved into an

apartment between Portland and Gresham It

was right on the MAX line and right on the city

line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-

landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign

that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block

to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch

my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but

Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the

perfect space for her She said it was easier for

her to know where everything was in a smaller

environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond

than an ocean

One day Jude brought her new boyfriend

home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo

ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said

Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor

and said ldquo White peoplerdquo

I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was

wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what

ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to

a blind person

Red is the rage in your gut

White is the entrapment of the disabled

One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend

and her room became a closet again

We saw her a little and then not at all

Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to

Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally

almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of

my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday

cards and pictures that were inside it

Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-

day cards away

My wife and I began archiving our new fam-

ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with

the rest of them Our sons grew I became an

uncle My grandfather remarried and went

crazy My mother still has the same smile she

had when I was young

Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a

bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple

of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary

There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help

you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear

Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie

each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out

If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads

directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end

points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably

guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock

between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled

and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long

by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of

human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of

the Mayan calendar

In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and

I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of

the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam

When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-

land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else

ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says

one night while wersquore lying in bed

And I do

I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that

had to happen I listen to our breath

In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I

make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My

finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving

And then the line disappears

And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and

falling together

Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the

Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life

Poems and Stories of the Dead

If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between

Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities40

READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts

One hundred moves and not one of

them associated with the military

a job or being on the run

The Ledger

Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G

through a yard sale I picked up an old

ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-

ance Company of New York A large thin hard-

bound ledger black with a red spine eleven

inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by

insurance agents to track insurers and their

policies all entries written by hand There was

only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty

cents the rest of the pages were blank After

years of treasuring its antiquity but making

no entries of my own I tore the one used page

out and decided to start tracking al l my moves

before my memory lost track I sat down and

recorded all the moves I remembered over one

hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my

parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them

associated with the military a job or being on

the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-

derlust and exploration then relationships

and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad

landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just

being unable as a single parent to bear the rent

and high heating bills Once my oldest son and

I landed in a decent house that could hold us

indefinitely After three months I was drawn to

cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted

to gather them touch them fill their empti-

ness with our lives When I realized what was

going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in

that house for two years then moved to Hawai i

Now the kids are grown the grandkids are

teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos

no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-

foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a

semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided

me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she

said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo

As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot

out of my feet and sink into the ground I was

so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here

three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot

want to move

What have I lea rned th rough al l these

moves Adaptability being and living in the

now and that there is glory in both staying and

moving but it is much easier and cheaper to

stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland

Out of the Nest

I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E

back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze

tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last

time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex

where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs

Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot

stepped inside the apartment for eight months

To do so would risk my life

ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-

tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February

I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following

weekmdashfor six months

Left behind with Michael were our surro-

gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy

and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned

starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier

It was last October when I first developed

symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-

ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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41 FallWinter 2015 Move

This is where the plates layers of crust

crashed into each other in a fiery show

perhaps tens of thousands of years ago

Soon breathing was excruciating I took

shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain

Paralyzing fatigue set in

My endocrinologist suspected chronic

obstructive pulmonary disease which made

little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I

began scouring descriptions of lung conditions

Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity

pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung

Relief and terror flooded in

If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-

monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a

terminal condition in which scarring causes

respiratory failure within three to five years

Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif

caught early But the solution is drastic We

would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-

ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even

be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the

parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would

have a new ending

Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms

lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper

grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-

pice moments before plummeting

Today we are moving the last of our belong-

ings into our first house The kitties and birdies

have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed

While I cannot hold my babies I watch them

on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the

two-way speaker

From rescue feedings to teenage angst to

nighttime vigils during illness in caring for

these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging

from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety

Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey

take their first tentative steps toward flight

Today I learned the most painful lesson let-

ting go

MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene

Subduction Zones

T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK

were on an af ternoon in early Septem-

ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for

the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper

and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our

ankles

Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-

berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend

and is directly responsible for the creation of

Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back

then one that I sometimes imagined looked

like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus

Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of

the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale

their name suggests but the result of plates

shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-

tion led to the formation of the trio This is

where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into

each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-

sands of years ago Subduction zones are places

where great trauma lies

And here I was all these years later in the

shadows of these mountains loss everywhere

Later that day back at our apartment we

walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit

into anymore For more than a year we went

through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern

Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that

followed us Then one day our four-year-old

daughter started a conversation that shook me

ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo

I nodded

ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so

sadrdquo

Six words leapt at me

ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo

We moved back to Ash land where brig ht

red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-

hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot

know it then but we were charting our own

map however imperfect Healing crept up on

us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-

ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew

Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng

up the darkness Seventeen years passed

And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most

folks want to flee helps you see things more

clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in

its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along

VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities42POSTS

continued from previous page

Just to

underscore

how settled we

planned to be

we unpacked

EverythingEven the

heirloom china

which had never

before left its

boxes We were

here to stay

Dance Church

SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I

go to church Dance church A church

where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers

to recite A church where at first glance outsid-

ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon

arriving I see a few little munchkins running

around with oversize neon headphones on to

protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music

set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with

rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors

There are flowers candles pillow puddles

beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some

kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in

alignment with the morningrsquos intention

As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s

become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-

tainer in which I can move once again after

years of chronic freezing and dissociating A

trapped animal released back into the wild

wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom

in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism

evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with

anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our

spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist

The music awakens the holy spirit within

me and dances me through throngs of people

I am an antelope cut loose checking out the

creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns

bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms

Each stunning in their authentic movement I

see people falling in love with each other from

a distance I see a girl rocking four different

Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed

like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands

ldquopracticing dancingrdquo

This is the church of Miriam the biblical

tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of

years later I move here and I am reunited with

my self my best self my most curious mischie-

vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self

Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten

invited back in the room to whip her hair back

and forth I throw my head back in delight and

laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like

hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form

of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music

EMILY I BEDAL Portland

Again

M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R

upwardly mobile engineer That trans-

lated into at least one move per year until I was

eight and another address for high school I

moved every year in college one year twice I

moved three times during my first stint in Bos-

ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-

ment for the whole two years Then it was back

to Boston where I lived in five different homes

in five years

Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for

the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe

two years back East then back to New Mexico

in two different cities three different homes

Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates

what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo

From Albuquerque we moved to our present

home in Port Orford my thirt ieth

Moving has always been exciting cathar-

tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books

by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally

donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-

ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated

magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets

ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit

thatrsquos never happened In each new house

wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos

never worked

We vowed Port Orford would be our final

ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore

how settled we planned to be we unpacked

Everything Even the heirloom china which

had never before left its boxes We were here

to stay

Except it seems wersquore going to have to move

again but not for the exciting futures wersquod

always envisioned before Now we need doctors

and hospitals and a nearby airport for family

visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is

on the other side of adventure Now we need a

place to feel safe secure

So the sorting and throwing out is about to

begin yet again There are closets and drawers

that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to

dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of

booksmdashto give away This move exciting No

way The very thought of it exhausts me

Still those other feelings cathartic freeing

new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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43 FallWinter 2015 Move

Next theme Root

For the Spring 2016 issue tell

us your stories about rooting

around taking root being

uprooted or root-bound getting

to the root of a problem being

the root of the problem rooting

someone on Share stories and

ideas about beginnings origins

and foundations Analyze a

historical or contemporary

grassroots effort Describe

the tension between staying

put and being stuck Send your

submission (400 words maxi-

mum) by February 15 2016 to

postsoregonhumanitiesorg

Submissions may be edited for

space or clarity

Listen to Your Body

I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y

motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease

Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit

and spot-on timing Though she was confined

to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was

still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her

sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-

cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone

have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but

aching joints diminished strength and a fal-

tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back

Those maladies werenrsquot the result of

chronic disease More like lack of exercise At

some point in the past decade or so I developed

an aversion to any fitness routine That choice

has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo

class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community

Center

Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the

center for the past thirty-six years teaches

the dance-infused workout three days a week

Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at

the core of each class She dispenses praise as

we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform

deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements

and she encourages each of us to breathe and

listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably

youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying

ballet seriously By then her versatility as an

actress singer dancer and comedian had been

evident in community theater productions in

the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although

not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few

years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe

continues to lead a full life She can still stand

and press her palms flat to the floor despite

relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip

notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg

and stretch at the barre

A role model for agi ng wit h presence and

dignity Lynn maintains her considerable

charm and elegance and purposely keeps her

body and mind active Like my mother she

is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has

inspired me to accept what my body can do

today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow

Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for

getting up in the morning And by some mea-

sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE

Portland

Over the Hill

I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D

eleven times in three years I worked spring

through fall as a natural history guide in

Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure

where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned

into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply

moved around A lot With each new tempo-

rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked

clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was

nothing

At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the

person who would become my life partner

another seasonal worker We would move from

Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We

lived one magical off-season on a houseboat

on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the

ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught

me I loved wide-open spaces What could be

wider than the Pacific A fter one more season

of guiding I came back to the coast and decided

to stay

I volunteered my way into one steady job

and eventually landed another at the local

college After a few more seasons my partner

came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota

and we bought another together He built a

business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our

hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and

had a child Wersquod officially settled down

The economic hardships of rural living

however are real job opportunities decline

and can no longer support the life wersquove built

The accumulation of years no longer fits into

the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner

took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast

and we lived as a split family The split was tax-

ing though so we decided to make the move

to the city We left the first community of our

adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven

ourselves The only community our daughter

has even known Friends asked me not to go

Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart

still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the

sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes

at the memory of that moon over Tillamook

Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot

nothingmdashitrsquos every thing

NANCY SLAVIN Portland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities44

Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm

LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015

This intertwined story of two

teenage girls and their mothers

is set in New Orleans during

and after Hurricane Katrina

In her debut novel Urbani an

Oregon writer with Southern

roots brings a maternal touch

to the narrative handling trag-

edy with a careful soulfulness

and love This honest yet brutal

story will simultaneously break

and warm your heart

mdashAnnie Kaffen

At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015

Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French

Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the

Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural

French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-

tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans

and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a

snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland

Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015

Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the

Oregon physician and radicalrsquos

extraordinary experiences

from her early years working in

a textile mill in New Bedford

Massachusetts through her

activist years in Oregon includ-

ing a three-year term at San

Quentin State Prison Equi lived

openly as a lesbian beginning in

the 1890s and was one of the

first practicing female doctors

in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and

compassion for others with a

strong personal belief in social

and economic justice

mdashCarole Shel lhart

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4548

45 FallWinter 2015 Move

People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015

This debut collection from

Portland writer Margaret

Malone is filled with brief

bitterly funny stories about the

sort of people who tie them-

selves in knots in their heads

and feel uncomfortable in their

own skin and can never quite

bring themselves to say the

words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point

includes all of us

mdashBen Waterhouse

The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015

Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer

The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with

Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research

for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the

first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of

revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced

a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer

in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he

writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo

mdashMaggie Starr

To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for

Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon

Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205

Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe

Sasquatch Books 2015

Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter

Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt

to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography

in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers

a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden

rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance

sounds smells and much more

mdashBen Waterhouse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4648

Oregon Humanities46

Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson

February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum

1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg

CROPPINGS

Wendy Red Star Untitled

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4748

Oregon Humanities programs are

funded by the National Endowment

for the Humanities and the Oregon

Cultural Trust and by contributions from

individuals foundations community

organizations and corporations For

more information about Oregon

Humanities or to learn how you can help

more Oregonians get together share

ideas listen think and grow please

contact us at

921 SW Washington Street Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax

(503) 241-0024

ohmoregonhumanitiesorg

oregonhumanitiesorg

Staff

e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r

Adam Davis

facilitation and tra ining manager

Rachel Bernstein

communicationsprogram associate

Eloise Holland

editorassociate director

Kathleen Holt

development director

Kamla Hurst

program officer

Annie Kaffen

office manager

Mikaela Schey

director of finance and oper ations

Carole Shellhart

development associate

Maggie Starr

communications associate

Ben Waterhouse

program coordinator

Kyle Weismann-Yee

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4848

Board of Directorsch a i r

Sona Karentz Andrews Portland

v ic e ch a i r

Janet Webster Newport

tr e a s u r e r

Jeff Cronn Portland

secretary

Matthew Boulay Salem

Paul Duden Portland

Kimberly Howard Portland

Nels Johnson Portland

Emily Karr Portland

Shannon Mara Bend

Win McCormack Portland

Alberto Moreno Portland

Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego

Ron Paul Portland

Denise Reed Astoria

Chantal Strobel Bend

Dave Weich Portland

Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED

Non-profit Org

US Postage

PAID

Permit No 1274

Portland OR

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities12

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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13 FallWinter 2015 Move

Whose StateIs This

Legal measures targeting LatinoOregonians reflect fears of change

I N TH E A U TU MN O F 1 980 TE R E S A A L O NS O L E O NrsquoS FA TH E R DE C IDE D TO TA KE A

rare day off from working in the fields near Clackamas to bring his daughters to what he thought

was a publ ic pa rk Alonso Leon who was five and her sister played catch their feet crunchingfallen leaves as they ran across the grass Then a car pulled up The driver got out and shouted at

Alonso Leonrsquos father The man spoke in English but her father spoke only SpanishmdashAlonso Leon

too They had only recently arrived from the southern state of Michoacaacuten Mexico to their new

home in Oregon The man grew more agitated gesturing and raising his voice until her father

gathered the girls and left

ldquoIt was a golf course or someplace people didnrsquot want kids playingrdquo Alonso Leon who is now

forty-one recalls ldquoMy father couldnrsquot read the signs and we had no idea what the man was saying

But the way the man spoke to my father that just stuck with merdquo

Alonso Leonrsquos fami ly are modern-day Movers people who made Oregon their destination of

hope for prosperity renewal and survival But her family would not have fit the original ideal

Movers was the nineteenth-century nickname for settlers who drove west in covered wagons

ldquoRestlessness was their dominant traitrdquo historian Malcolm Clark Jr wrote in his 1981 book Eden

Seekers ldquoThe gene of it was passed from father to son as a part of the act of procreation The fron-

tier was constantly reproducing itselfrdquo

For centuries the new Oregonians worked to make sure the reproducing gene was white W hen

it won statehood in 1859 Oregon was part of the anti-slavery Northmdashif only because its constitu-

tion excluded blacks from living within the statersquos borders (The provision wasnrsquot removed until

1926) Native tribes were shuffled to reservations and Chinese workers were attacked by white

residents in Oregon City La Grande and several other communities

The twentieth-century brought more hostility In 1920 state law required non-English news-

papers to print English translations Portlandrsquos black population swelled when the cityrsquos ship-

yards expanded during World War II and city leaders segregated African Americans in North

and Northeast Portland neighborhoods and nearby Vanport a slapdash public housing project ina floodplain near the Columbia River The state didnrsquot outlaw discrimination in housing restau-

rants hotels and other accommodations until the 1950s

BRENT WALTH

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Oregon Humanities14

Oregon can no longer look in a mirror and see a bleached face

staring back In 1980 the first year the first year the CensusBureau included ldquoHispanicrdquo as a n ethnic category fewer than 7

percent of people in the state identified themselves as anything

other than ldquowhiterdquo Now according to the most recent Census

numbers nearly one quarter identify a s something other than

ldquowhite alonerdquo

The definition of what it means to be an Oregonian has

shifted as the state has seen immigrants from Asia Eastern

Europe and Africa The biggest shift has been in the statersquos

Latino population which has grown five times faster than the

state as a whole According to the Census 125 percent of the

population now identifies as Hi spanic or Latino Several cities

now count Latinos as the majority

One of those cities is Woodburn a Marion County town of

24000 where Alonso Leon now serves as a member of the city

council and where an acceptance of languages other than Eng-

lish has helped the community deal with change ldquoIf you donrsquot

have that you instead have misunderstanding and mispercep-

tions about other peoplerdquo Alonso Leon says ldquoWersquore not sitting

down together often enough as it isrdquo

Oregon has become a state of many languages But a small

effective and (many say) xenophobic group is pushing to put

a measure on the 2016 ballot that would declare English as the

statersquos official language Oregonians will need to decide if fear will divide the state over race ethnicity and how we talk to each

other

JIM LUDWICK SEES A DAY WHEN AMERICANS WILL BE

expected to speak both English and Spanish It worries him

ldquoBeing a bilingual country is breaking down people accord-

ing to where they came from rather than encouraging everyone

to be unitedrdquo Ludwick says ldquoItrsquos a tragedy waiting to happenrdquo

Ludwick a retired pharmaceuticals salesman from McMin-

nville is cofounder of Oregonians for Immigration Reform

which is pushing the Engl ish-only measure Since its found-

ing in 2000 the group has argued that the federal govern-

mentrsquos failure to enforce immigration laws has wreaked havoc

on the country The g roup opposes any government privileges

for undocumented residents including schools and health

care Oregonians for Immigration Reform he says favors the

deportation of anyone the government discovers is living in the

country illegally That includes the estimated 120000 undocu-

mented people living in Oregonmdasha number thatrsquos actually fallen

in recent years ldquoThis country was founded on the rule of lawrdquoLudwick says ldquoWersquore now seeing people openly violating our

immigration laws while try ing to impose new laws on usrdquo

For years Oregonians for Immigration Reform wasnrsquot taken

seriously in Salem or seen as a political threat Its leadersrsquo ten-

dency to broadbrush Latinos leaves many people uncomfort-

able When asked about immigration for example Ludwick

steers the conversation to ldquoillegalsrdquo stealing Social Security

numbers Mexicans run ning drugs a nd undocumented resi-

dents committing other crimes

The Southern Poverty Law Center a Montgomery Ala-

bamandashbased watchdog on issues of discrimination maintains a

nationwide list of ldquonativist extremistrdquo groups it says go beyondadvocating on immigration policy to targeting immigrants

themselves Oregonians for Immigration Reform is one of nine-

teen groups on the organizationrsquos nationwide list

Ludwick says this characterization of his group is unfair ldquoIf

I even question our immigration policies then Irsquom a racistrdquo he

says ldquoThatrsquos not it at all I want the United States to be a great

country that welcomes people from all over as we always have

But itrsquos foolish to think it will be i f we continue with our immi-

gration policiesrdquo

The grouprsquos status as an outsidermdashand its leaderrsquos view of its

place in Oregon politicsmdashchanged in 2014

Oregon once had relatively lax laws when it came to granting

driversrsquo licenses Starting in 2008 the state legislature required

proof of citizenship or legal residency such as a Social Security

number or other papers Latino groups (long courted by the

Democrats who run Salem) spent the next five years pushing

to overturn the law They succeeded in 2013 when lawmakers

established a ldquodriverrsquos cardrdquo for residents who could not prove

they were in the country legally

Oregonians for Immigration Reform fought the new law by

gathering the 58000 signatures needed to put the question on

the November 2014 ballot A ldquoyesrdquo vote would uphold the leg-

islaturersquos actions Backers including some farm groups saidthe measure was practical and compassionate But the mea-

sure became a proxy for frustration about the nationrsquos broken

The definition of what

it means to be anOregonian has shiftedas the state has seenimmigrants from AsiaEastern Europe and Africa The biggest shifthas been in the statersquos

Latino population which has grown fivetimes faster than thestate as a whole

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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15 FallWinter 2015 Move

immigration system and Oregon voters crushed the measure

two to one

The victory Ludwick says shows Oregonians agree with his

grouprsquos views that immigration is out of control and that the gov-

ernment should not be rewarding people who are here illegally

He says much of the country is with his groupmdashand the suc-

cess of Republican presidential candidate Donald Trumprsquos

rhetoric about immigrants is proof When he announced his

candidacy in June 2015 Trump said Mexico was dumping drug

dealers and rapists into the United States ldquoAnd some I assumerdquo

Trump added ldquoare good peoplerdquo

ldquoWhen he did thatrdquo Ludwick says ldquohe shot right up in the

polls He chose to talk about immigration because hersquos a guy who

likes leverage He knows thatrsquos a subject that appeals to regular

Americansrdquo

O R E GO N S A W ITS L A TINO P O P U L A TIO N GR O W A FTE R World War II when the United States opened its borders to bra-

ceros guest workers from Mexico who labored in the fields The

program ended in the mid-1960s but the statersquos farmers were

by then dependent on migrant workers United Farm Workers

(UFW ) leader Cesar Chavez often brought his protests to Ore-

gon denouncing the low wages unsafe conditions and abysmal

housing for many of the statersquos estimated 40000 migrant work-

ers half of whom took seasonal jobs in the Willamette Valley

The UFWrsquos actions sparked backlash against Latinos in

many places but Oregon turned away from a cultural battle In

1971 the Republican-controlled legislature passed a bill to stop

farmworkers from organizing They put intense pressure onthen-Governor Tom McCallmdasha fellow Republican who grew up

in a ranching familymdashto sign it McCall nearly did but protests

and vigils against the bill moved him (as did Chavezrsquos threats of

boycotts) and it troubled him that the state was about to deny

rights and protections for people who came here to work ldquoHellrdquo

McCall said when the bill-signing deadline approached ldquoIrsquom

going to veto that son of a bitchrdquo And he did Over the years

many migrants stopped moving around and settled in the Wil-

lamette Valley and they beckoned others from their home coun-

tries to join them

Teresa Alonso Leonrsquos family was among those who heard the

call Her parents arrived in Oregon without documentation Her

father left their home in Michoacaacuten in early 1980 and moved

to Clackamas where relatives had told him he could find bet-

ter-paying work than he had in Mexico In Oregon her parents

worked at least two jobs at a ti me often seven days a week For

four years her family lived in a ramshackle house in Gervais

without plumbing They used a n outhouse and hauled in buck-

ets of water filled from a garden hose to cook and clean In the

winter the water stored in the buckets indoors froze

Her parents wanted their children to avoid the life they had

as laborers and for Alonso Leon school was transformative She

quickly saw the need to learn Englishmdashher teachers made herrepeat first grade because she struggled with the new language

But she soon caught up and became the familyrsquos translator

during doctorrsquos visits or meetings at her school

ldquoI had to become the spokesperson for the familyrdquo she says

In 1986 Congress passed an immigration amnesty bill that

offered legal residency to 29 million people Not yet a teenager

Alonso Leon represented her parents as they met the require-

ments to earn legal status gathering work histories from past

employers studying US history and demonstrating basic Eng-

lish skills (Her parents earned legal residency that covered

Alonso Leon She became a US citizen in 2013)

Her family eventually moved to Woodburn where she

attended high school before earning her GED through a pro-

gram at the University of Oregon She went on to graduate from

Wester n Ore gon Uni versity and Portland Stat e University

where she earned a masterrsquos degree in public administration

Alonso Leon has spent most of her career looki ng for ways to

make school more avai lable to low-income students or those who

are the first in their families to attend college At Portland Com-munity College she helped develop a program to guide migrant

students in adjusting to their first year in college Today she

runs the state of Oregonrsquos GED program in the Department of

Community Colleges and Workforce Development which each

year helps 1700 students gain their high-school equivalency

Families like hers have worked here for decades paying ta xes

and working to offer their children better lives And Alonso

Leon worries that Oregon will declare its government recog-

nizes only English

ldquoIt sends the message that as a state wersquore denying that peo-

ple should be able to live here and speak their native languagerdquo

Alonso Leon says ldquo It also sends the message t hat i mmigrantsarrive and reject the language thatrsquos spoken here Thatrsquos not the

case People try to learn English because they wa nt to succeedrdquo

Alonso Leonrsquos parents still struggle with English even a fter

three decades in Oregon Mastering the language she says often

requires education and trainingmdashsomething that her parents

and many other immigra nts have lacked

ldquoMy parents worked two or three jobs at a time at low wages

all these yearsrdquo she says ldquoYou can say to my parents lsquoWhy have

you not done a better job of learning Englishrsquo The answer is

they spent all their time making sure their children were fed

and clothedrdquo

THE MEASUR E SUPPORTED BY OREGONIANS FOR IMMI-

gration Reform would if passed by voters require state and

local governments to conduct business in English Oregon

law already requires that in many cases even though Oregon

is one of nineteen states without a blanket official-language

declaration

But the Oregon measure could go beyond what other states

impose its language suggests that (with some exceptions) it

could become illegal for government agencies to provide com-

munications with the public in languages besides Englishmdash

despite the fact that 15 percent of Oregonians speak a languageother than English at home Portland Public Schools for exam-

ple prints materials for parents in several languagesmdasha practice

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Oregon Humanities16

Ludwick says is a waste of money

Ludwick recalls an illustration he saw in a social studies text-

book he had in high school ldquoIt was of this giant cooking potrdquo

he says ldquoPeople from all over the world are jumping inmdashpeople

with sombreros and so on And in the picture Uncle Sam is stir-

ring itmdashstirring the pot the melting pot And the people who had

jumped in earlier are now climbing out dressed like Americans

They had coats and ties onrdquo

ldquoThe point isrdquo he says ldquoit was about assimilation It used to

be you come to America to become an American Not a Hispanic

American New immigrants today donrsquot want to be assimilated

They want to divide themselves off from us while imposing their

cultural beliefs on usrdquo

The threat Ludwick sees is about more than language Itrsquos

about influence and powermdashless about reforming immigration

laws than it is about forcing a cultural norm on Oregonrsquos immi-

grants His grouprsquos attention to Latinos in particular is basedin sheer numbersmdash40 percent of immigrants in Oregon were

born in Mexicomdashbut also on the success of organi zations such

as Causa Oregon to push a political agenda These groups have

had some victories including a 2013 law allowing college tuition

grants for undocumented students who attended Oregon high

schools But the doors of power have not been knocked open

The state has seen only one Latino elected official statewide

(former state schools superintendent Susan Castillo) and only

a handf ul of legislators

What Oregonians for Immigration Reform plays on is fearmdash

the fear of a non-Latino majority losing influence and facing

discrimination for not speaking Spanish In its troubled his-tory Oregon has turned on the ldquootherrdquo foreigners blacks any

faceless group accused of stealing something from the rest of us

including jobs culture andmdashnowmdashlanguage

The last thing Oregon needs is another dark chapter of rac-

ism disguised as nationalistic duty What the state could use

instead is a moment of illumination and courage

Itrsquos happened before in another context A half century ago

Oregon set out to protect its farms and forests by carefully plan-

ning for the rapid population growth that was coming Its lead-

ers (primari ly Governor Tom McCall) engaged in a long often

rending discussion about the need for land-use laws Invective

followedmdashfoes called Oregon a communist state and voters in

many parts of the state would still erase land-use laws from the

books in a hea rtbeat given the chance But it took someone with

guts to cha llenge hardened beliefs and prepare Oregon for the

future

Itrsquos time for another conversation this one about the chang-

ing face of the state Oregonrsquos long history with a whites-only

club running things is ending Imagine seeing a leader in Oregon

brave enough to embrace that futuremdashespecially now that the

nationrsquos political debate is oozing anti-immigrant poison

A future Oregon leader who gets up the nerve to t alk about

the value of a more diverse Oregonmdashand the need to account

for itmdashneed look no further than Woodburn a city that thirty

years ago no one would predict would be a model for cultural

tolerance The town struggled with change as Latino and Rus-

sian immigrants came to the area Today Woodburn proudly

talks of its ldquoLittle Mexicordquo business district The school district

has seen enormous success in graduating students from high

school in large part because of its bilingual approach in theclassroom The city routinely sends out information about the

library parks and water bills in English and Spanish And the

cityrsquos website has a button that allows visitors to translate its

pages into thirty-six lang uages

Alonso Leon says that despite Woodburnrsquos progress the city

has a lot of ground to gain when it comes to making itself open

to everyone She says the city council rarely sees members of the

Latino community appear before it and that the only Spanish

speakers who attend meetings on a regular basis are usually her

parents who like to watch her in action She says the city has

formed a committee to find ways Woodburn can knock down

cultural and language barriers that keep non-English speakersfrom believing they have a role in civic debates

ldquoWe need to do more to make ourselves inviting and avail-

ablerdquo she says ldquoTelling people only English is acceptable in

government runs against the idea that everyone has the right

to be heardrdquo

Alonso Leon won an appointment to city council in 2013 and

must run for her seat this year if she wa nts to keep it Shersquos never

sought public office before and she could appear on the same

election ballot as Trump and the Oregonians for Immigration

Reform measuremdashan irony that isnrsquot lost on her

Alonso Leon expects a campaign wil l test her Shersquod be the

third Latino elected to the council (shersquos the only one serving

there now) and she says she has never been afraid to tell her story

ldquoIf people are asking questions and scrutinizing who I am

that means theyrsquore considering me or someone like merdquo she

says ldquoAnd that in itself is progressrdquo

Brent Walth has been an Oregon journalist since 1984 Hersquos

the former managing editor at Willamette Week and senior

investigative reporter for the Oregonian and author of Fire at

Edenrsquos Gate a biography of Oregon Governor Tom McCall

Hersquos now an assistant professor in the University of Oregon

School of Journalism and Communication

The threat Ludwicksees is about more thanlanguage Itrsquos about

influence and power

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17 FallWinter 2015 Move

Communityin Flux

A long-persecuted people begins to speak out

I N P O R T L A N D T H E C H R I S T M A S O F 1 9 4 4 W A S B I T -

terly cold and blanketed in white It snowed for days and

stayed close to freezing as the New Year approached But Port-

landers were distracted from the unusually cruel weather by

news that Portland Mayor Earl Riley was forcing dozens of

Roma out of the citymdashand by God it was about time the news-papers crowed Although many members of the local Kalderash

community of Roma had been working in the Kaiser shipyard

factories for the US war effort elected officials law enforce-

ment and the media fell over themselves to justify r unning the

Roma out of town

The Oregon Journal reported that encouraged by police the

Romamdashdescribed as ldquothe gaily dressed wanderersrdquomdashasked for

assistance to return to Texas and New Mexico because Portland

was ldquotoo coldrdquo for them Mayor R iley p ersuaded the US Of fice

of Price Administration (OPA) the federal bureau in charge of

rationing to issue special gas rations to the Roma so they could

make the drive south

The Oregonian considered this a ldquonotable featrdquo by the mayor

not only because the OPArsquos rationing of items like gas rubber

sugar and butter was so strict but also because Riley was ldquogetting

rid of at least half the gy psies [who] have been afflicting the cityrdquo

ldquoWe are right proud of our mayorrdquo the paper wrote

This was the same Mayor Riley who is purported to be one of

the most corrupt mayors in Portlandrsquos history Though his office

accused the Roma of using fortune-telling as a front for prostitu-

tion Riley allegedly kept a special safe in City Hall just for the

bribes he collected from these same types of criminal opera-

tions He was neither indicted nor punished despite criticism bythe City Club of Portland instead he amassed a fortune in ille-

gal enterprises over his lifetime Meanwhile the Roma families

LISA LOVING

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Oregon Humanities18

A detective and two policemen

escort two arrested Romani women

from the paddy wagon into the

Police Headquarters building at SW

2nd amp Oak in 1951

in Portland barely got by sometimes using abandoned storefronts as homes

Carol Silvermanmdasha professor of cultural anthropology and folklore at the

University of Oregon who has studied worked with and advocated for Roma

locally and around the world for almost forty yearsmdashsays the group of Roma in

Portland who came to work in the shipyards during the war were turned upon

when the war was over ldquoJust like Rosie the Riveter when women no longer were

needed for welding and [were told they] should go back to the homerdquo Silverman

says ldquoit was perceived that this group of Roma was no longer needed in the cityPerceived as foreign outsiders dangerous [they were] given these gas rations to

drive out of staterdquo

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19 FallWinter 2015 Move

COURTESY THOMAS ROBINSON

Roma in America today are a community in flux Families

still identify their lineages through distinct ethnic communi-

ties sometimes called tribes including the Sinti Romanichal

and Kalderash and these communities tend to blend in with

the mainstream In the Northwest a look through local busi-

ness listings will not reveal any obvious groups or organiza-

tions serving them except a handful of very tight-knit Christian

churches Most Kalderash would prefer to live under the radar

says Silverman for a compelling historical reason almost

everywhere theyrsquove gone Roma people have been oppressed by

both government and society

Originally from India Roma communities are traditionally

nomadic From the fourteenth century until the Romanian

emancipation of 1864 Roma were enslaved and traded by the

local nobility in a large area of southern Romania including

Walachia and Moldovia with the support of church institutions

Roma moved to the Northwest in the largest numbers after1864 with Kalderash families settling in the area between 1880

and 1920 Silverman says ldquoFrom the first time they came to

America there were rules regulating where Roma could live and

where they could settle and even the kind of work they could do

Many cities had anti-fortune-telling edicts fortune-telling poli-

cies on the books Some cities actually still have themrdquo

Accused of being naturally inferior and prone to crime Roma

people in the Northwest have been targeted and harassed by

local law enforcement and negatively depicted in the media In

1906 the Oregonian wrote ldquoThe police allege that the gypsies

have such a penchant for stealing everything that is not nai led

down that it is necessary always to lsquokeep an eye on themrsquordquo Andthe Ashland Daily Tidings in 1916 wrote ldquoTrue to their inborn

instincts the horde of gypsies which passed through Ashland

last Sunday failed to get out of t he country without committing

a serious depredationrdquo

No scholar has studied discrimination against the Roma as

fully as Ian Hancock a University of Texas at Austin professor of

linguistics English and Asian studies who laid out his findings

in a 2007 research paper He writes that despite five special US

Congressional sessions addressing the increase in anti-Romani

hate crimes in Europe and the correlative increase in Romani

asylum seekers to the United States ldquoThere nevertheless remain

laws on the books in various states and counties that continue

to operate against Gypsies Many of these laws a list of which

fills thirty-four pages were inherited from Europe and were

intended to be used against the earlier Gypsy populations in the

United States they have since found new application against

the more recently arrived and more v isible Eastern European

Roma escaping the post-Communist increase in racial violence

in that region many of whom are seeking political asylum hererdquo

But despite the hostility they have traditionally faced

Romani people have also historically been linchpins of their

local economies Silverman says Roma in Europe worked in

metalcraft which t hey applied in the United States to recopperand re-tin household items at the turn of the century ldquoUntil the

1950s before stainless steel in order to have a working kitchen

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Oregon Humanities20

Most Americanshave no idea

that their owngovernment waspersecuting Romapeople at thesame time Romain Europe werebeing murdered inthe Holocaust

you had to have your pots and pans redonerdquo Silverman says ldquoThis was a real

Romani skillrdquo

This skill in metalwork was perfect for the emerging car industry in 1920s

and rsquo30s America ldquoRoma did this kind of service for many many Northwest

Americans and then eventua lly they got i nto t he car sales businessrdquo Silver-

man says The Romarsquos family-based car repair operations competed directly

with corporate auto repair shops offering an alternative to high-dollar services

with the personal attention of a family business So by World War II not only

was Mayor Riley rsquos expulsion of Roma families cruel but it also likely damaged

the local economy

Most Americans have no idea that their own government was persecut-

ing Roma people at the same time Roma in Europe were being murdered in

the Holocaust The Nazis killed an estimated 220000 to 500000 Roma men

women and childrenmdashperhaps 25 percent of the European Roma populationmdash

between 1935 and 1945 Morgan Ahern a SintiRomanichal Roma and founder

of Seattle-based organization Lolo Diklo Romani Against Racism believes

the number of Roma killed may be as high as 15 million ldquoMany [were killed] inconcentration campsrdquo she says ldquobut many more [were] just shot on the roadrdquo

Silverman agrees that the effect of the Holocaustmdashknown to some Roma as

the Porraimos or ldquothe devouringrdquomdashon the Roma has been ldquoa footnote in most

textbooksrdquo and is only starti ng to be examined in Holocaust museums because

of lobbying by Roma and their allies

Also overlooked in the history of Roma in the United States generations of

Roma children taken from their parents and warehoused in foster care systems

because of lifestyle differences and some families say racism Ahern was one

of those children removed from her family and put into foster care after her

parents were deemed unfit to ta ke care of her because they were Romani and

nomadic

Even today many Romani individuals and families lack birth certificatesand marriage certificates making them vulnerable to government officialsrsquo

whims Silverma n says ldquoThings like being fingerprinted havi ng a birth certifi-

cate might mean that your children are going to be taken away These historic

memories are very very very much alive for Romardquo

After generations of abuse a modest tide of Roma are beginning to speak out

about their civil rights and demand fair t reatment including fair accommoda-

tions in trying to obtain legal documentation for family members who were

born in the United States Silverman who is on the board of the nonprofit Voice

of Roma says she was involved in a c ase in Portland in which it was argued that

oral testimony in a birth is equivalent to a birth certificate ldquoWhen people bear

witness to a marriagerdquo Silverman says ldquoit doesnrsquot matter if therersquos no marriage

certificate It could be issued based on hindsight on memoryrdquo

For a community that has for generations avoided keeping their money in

bank accounts and sending their children to public schools social isolation is

giving way to an emerging movement for empowerment

On the East Coast Kalderash filmmaker George Eli produces films about

his family and is currently building a media channel on Roma And at the

University of Texas Hancock who is Romanichal Roma has spent decades

building the Program of Romani Studies and the Romani Arch ives and Docu-

mentation Center

Ahern founded Lolo Diklo which means ldquored scarfrdquo in 1986 along w ith a

fellow teacher at Seattle Central College The grouprsquos purpose is to document

discrimination and persecution of Romani Ahernrsquos fatherrsquos Romanichal fam-ily have lived in the United States since the 1700s and were originally sent from

Ireland by the British government as slaves Her motherrsquos family were Sinti who

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21 FallWinter 2015 Move

No documentsor oral histories

exist showingwhat happened tothe Roma familiesforced out ofPortland in 1944

arrived in the United States in the late 1930s

fleeing the climate in Germany Her maternal

grandmother pretended to be Italian to get into

the country

Over the years Ahern has traveled through-

out the West Coast lecturing about Roma cul-ture and civil rights She works with Romani

organizations across the United States South

America Canada Europe and Spain

Silverman adds that over the past twenty

years many American Roma have become

born-again Christians establishing their own

churches or joining evangelical congregations

Some of these church leaders are emerging as

community spokespeoplemdashsomething very

new for a community that has been persecuted

for so long ldquoThere are Roma who donrsquot want

to be left alone anymore because they are at a

disadvantage when they are left alonerdquo Silver-

man says ldquoThey are being very brave to actu-

ally interact with t he US court systemrdquo

But despite these efforts even today the dis-

crimination that Roma face by revealing their

heritage remains very real ldquoIn their historical

memory interacting with American institu-

tions has often resulted in a form of marginal-

izationrdquo Silverman says

For example Silverman describes ethnic

profiling by police bureaus through what wereknown as ldquobunco squadsrdquo police bureaus in

the South that had ldquoGypsy unitsrdquo to focus on

ldquoGypsy crimerdquo She says ldquoThis is ethnic profiling of crime

assuming that all Roma commit a certain kind of crime and

certain ki nds of crimes are only committed by Romardquo

The racial profiling of Roma people doesnrsquot stop with law

enforcement it is a staple of local news The language used

in Pacific Northwest news coverage in the past ten years to

describe alleged offenders has hardly changed from what was

writ ten in newspapers in the early 1900s

In 2007 a ldquoNight Cabbierdquo column in Willamette Week

sparked outrage ldquoThe Gypsies apparently are no jokerdquo the

unidentified cab driverwriter penned about the apparent rav-

ings of a customer ldquoDespite what we may think she explains to

us that real Gypsies arenrsquot nomadic livestock thieves but in fact

have been living in her neighborhood for decades And theyrsquore

very bad neighborsrdquo

ldquoThis is racist nonsenserdquo a reader responded ldquoInexcusable

for a serious newspaper to print such offensive content about areal livi ng breathing person in the neighborhood on account of

one of his neighbors For all we know this bigoted fool is the bad

neighborrdquo

No documents or oral histories exist showing what happened

to the Roma families forced out of Portland in 1944 Did they

stay in Texas Did they return to the Northwest Did they find

safety Or were they forced on toward some other location And

most important how in the Information Age is it possible that

the Roma experience has been all but forgotten by the main-

stream of society

Silverman holds out hope that organizations such as Voice of

Roma and Lolo Diklo can help Roma keep from getting caught inunfriendly bureaucratic systems as well as provide an opening

for more outreach and understanding The Portland Romani

Festival a one-day celebration featuring food music and infor-

mation on human rights issues affecting Roma people is ten-

tatively scheduled for late spring 2016 The Festival Romani

Facebook page is a fountain of music and cu ltural events par-

ticularly music performances up and down the West Coast

ldquoI think people should become knowledgeable about Romani

history and discrimination in order to combat itrdquo Silverman

says ldquoIt seems to me that while wersquore talking about ethnic a nd

racial diversity we can no longer eliminate a large group that

has suffered prejudice for so many years and continues to suffer

prejudicerdquo

Thanks to Fair Housing Council of Oregon for sharing this

story with Oregon Humanities through its history bus tour

Lisa Loving has reported on civil rights and diversity in

Oregon for more than fifteen years She is a news and

public affairs producer at KBOO Community Radio 907

FM in Portland and the former news editor of the award-

winning African American community newspaper the

Skanner Her new book How to Be a Citizen Journalist will

be released in 2017 by Microcosm Publishing

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities22

Like all places Oregon has a brand an identity that distinguishes

it from other places This identity is a pastiche of characteris-

ticsmdashenvironmental and agricultural urban and rural intrepid and

entrepreneurialmdashthat become a kind of shorthand that rightly or

wrongly insiders and outsiders read to understand what this state

and its people collectively value But how much do we the resi-

dents of this place really know about the systems behind these

things that seem to represent our identity

On the pages that follow we look more closely at just four ofthese cultural identifiers and how they move through their individ-

ual systems coho salmon up the Columbia River past historical

sites trash recyclables reusables and compost from Portland to

other parts of the state and the world bicycles buses and cars

up a busy corridor through a rapidly changing neighborhood and

ideas measures and laws through what is sometimes called the

Oregon System

Thanks to sources at the Confluence Project Death with Dignity Friends of the Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge Heiberg Garbage and

Recycling Metro MIG Northwest Power and Conservation Council Ofce of the Secretary of State Oregon History Project Oregon Legis -

lature Portland Bureau of Transportation TriMet and US Forest Servicersquos Pacific Northwest Research Station for their help with this story

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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23 FallWinter 2015 Move

Salmon up the Columbia RiverAFTER SPENDING sixteen to twenty months at sea a coho

salmon begins her journey up the Columbia and Sandy Rivers

back to her natal spawning grounds This amazing biological phe-

nomenon is also rich with cultural significance and the landmarks

she passes upstream mark the politics and history of her species

1 Salmon were central to the Chinook that once inhabited villages

along the lower Columbia and seining was the most important

method used to catch the fish As runs declined in the early twen-

tieth century white fishermen drove the Chinook off Sand Island

and Peacock Spit two of the most productive seining areas in

the estuary Seining was prohibited by Washington in 1934 and

Oregon in 1948

2 On March 16 1806 Meriwether Lewis drew and described a fish

brought to him at Fort Clatsop ldquoThe white Salmon Trout has

now made itrsquos appearance in the creeks near this place one of

them was brought us today by an Indian who had just taken it with

his gig this is a likness of itrdquo The fish was later classified as coho

salmon Oncorhynchus kisutch

3 In 1866 the brothers George W and William Hume and Andrew

S Hapgood established a salmon cannery at Eagle Cliff

Washington packing 4000 cases their first year In 1895 up to

50 Columbia canneries produced 635000 cases of salmon But

by 1977 the pack was just 2547 cases The last major cannery

on the Columbia closed in 1980

4 On November 5 1805 Lewis and Clark recorded a visit to the

ldquoQuathapotle Nationrdquo one of the largest Chinookan villages the

expedition encountered Today Cathlapotle is an archeological site

and the home of a modern plankhouse which serves as an outdoor

classroom and is used by the Chinook Indian Nation

5 In 2008 Maya Linrsquos sculpture Bird Blind was dedicated The blind

lists 134 plants documented by Lewis and Clark along with one

word on their status today thriving threatened endangered or

extinct Coho are listed as threatened today

6 In 2007 the Marmot Dam part of Portland General Electric hydro-

electric project in the Sandy River basin was removed due to

pressure from conservation groups and rising management costs

Built in 1913 by Portland Railway Light and Power Company the

dam provided hydroelectric power to Portland Today salmon navi-gate a free-flowing river mdashTRM

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Oregon Humanities24

1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every

other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-

cling one of a number of independent haulers

in the Metro region grind their gears uphill

traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food

scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-

board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue

recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in

the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green

roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-

egory recycling compost and yard waste and

garbage

2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly

either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-

gon Recycling System past the airport in East

Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery

facilities (there are a handful in the region)

which then sell the materials based on demand

in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others

in foreign countries such as China

3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable

waste the other trucks head to Metro Central

Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro

South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-

tions in the region Last year almost a half a

million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos

two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins

other company haulers contractors with con-

struction waste and residential customers with

miscellaneous items not picked up through

home collection service At the transfer station

the sorting process begins

4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature

Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-

ogy Organics outside of North Plains about

twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about

twelve miles north of Corvallis

5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household

items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material

in roads

6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader

then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time

is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer

stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a

three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty

no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush

plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo

According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the

garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material

The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is

often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per

minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to

an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the

plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity

powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM

Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland

Waste fromSouthwestPortland

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25 FallWinter 2015 Move

1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in

winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period

in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a

twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source

TriMet)

HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make

every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-

tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed

Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-

age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo

In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin

Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the

new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue

represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even

signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from

the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles

per hour depending on the time of day

The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars

buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic

signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and

emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one

hundred intersections throughout Portland

Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North

Williams today reflects a different wave of development and

demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share

the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to

bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes

to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density

residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG

Traffic on North Williams Avenue

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Oregon Humanities26

Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect

changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-

erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed

law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or

rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already

passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a

referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather

than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-

ers approved this system in 1902

This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an

initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on

a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided

driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal

documentation of US citizenship status

1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three

ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)

Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text

of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall

issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to

provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)

2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-

tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)

3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of

Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative

petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State

Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal

Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)

4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is

certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults

to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88

58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold

of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to

qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-

ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without

requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to

Dec 2013)

5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88

Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor

Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)

6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51

to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails

666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-

croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered

by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed

lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move

(2003)

7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block

saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-

zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the

case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor

General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the

practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The

US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide

law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG

Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer

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27 FallWinter 2015 Move

SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137

983158983151983145983139983141

N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -

room closet I came across a box of old family photographs

I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color

photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-

ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five

standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie

primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos

hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-

tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against

the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But

the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a

frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat

in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple

of the Sun

A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -

graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one

end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both

L A I L A L A L A M I

Al-Mursquoallaqat

The GoldenOdes of Love

J E N W I C K S T U D I O

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Oregon Humanities28

of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels

science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-

raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to

love books so much perhaps books provided them an education

about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing

from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches

that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-

ing the reign of King Hassan

It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned

to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed

copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from

friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about

whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-

drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new

offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte

which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne

Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others

Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les

petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why

the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion

Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which

the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to

either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan

tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three

Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords

and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo

Of course none of the characters in these books looked or

spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly

all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan

bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their

homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my

own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they

had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary

world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an

alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define

normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like

my country my imagination had been colonized

I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly

the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-

acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the

fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled

my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high

school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes

where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-

yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as

well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father

said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it

was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted

D RISS C H RAI BI

LA

CI VI LISA TIO N

MA M E R E

PAR

ALEXANDRE DUMAS

Taha Hussein

THE

DA YS

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29 FallWinter 2015 Move

When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same

school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum

el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine

At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were

taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled

with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still

the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-

language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from

the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi

al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the

Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese

Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-

moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some

of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved

each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a

classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-

els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan

authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-

tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren

It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read

adult literature on my own and independently from school that

I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-

ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos

La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a

sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin

Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book

that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment

of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read

lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was

as fertile ground for fiction as any other

And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature

nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in

French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after

all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-

latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss

Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was

ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a

particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made

it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I

was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train

in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco

medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-

ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my

hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat

or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-

matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely

be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study

linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in

a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in

an analytica l way

Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in

Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship

to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait

I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and

racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School

of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work

of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went

back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how

often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes

Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in

our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in

formal soireacutees French was de rigueur

Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-

guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles

and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in

English which made me think even more about the relationship

between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a

prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power

an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people

The education I had received had emphasized the importance

of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our

media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the

shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed

in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored

by the French government for free access to books The role of

Every time I went back

to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much

and how often we moved

between French and

Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not

went through life

switching between codes

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Oregon Humanities30

French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a

cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no

longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case

of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should

not be writing at all

I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish

after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried

to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of

me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that

stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have

immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the

native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow

me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred

to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic

languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought

Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my

days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use

English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the

linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh

perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a

child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-

gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the

same story

I have always written because I have always had the urge to

tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided

that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-

thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my

race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-

larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while

the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and

waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had

enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos

phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-

rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat

seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of

others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the

works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s

such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in

the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and

sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing

graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had

always told stories but now I wanted to be heard

This essay was first published in World Literature Today

Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami

Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The

Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The

Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy

Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for

Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016

Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16

and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for

more information and to buy tickets

Writing in French came

at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial

baggage that I no longer

wanted to carry I started

to suffer from a peculiar

case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic

perhaps I should not be

writing at all

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31 FallWinter 2015 Move

A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good

LORETTA STINSON

I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M

every day after work waiting for Bruce to

get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching

myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me

sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on

from a distance at whatever is happening to

me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie

and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-

kick of the star or I play a supporting role but

I am definitely not the star of this movie The

moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom

just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been

able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed

freak for fifteen years

Sun through the small rectangular win-

dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats

wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in

1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from

the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom

watchi ng my past present a nd future selves

do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental

after another waiting for the next bad thing

to happen and not getting out of the way even

when I see it coming The habit of living in con-

stant fear and the resignation that nothing can

ever change are the glue that holds me in place

This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting

on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on

Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on

hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the

future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who

can only be counted on not to be counted on

In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses

and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about

J U L I A N N A B R I O N

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Oregon Humanities32

detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot

change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-

ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what

the old-timers were saying Needless to say

I didnrsquot

Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go

home and try some new strategy to make Bruce

quit using I once read a book about how sugar

was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding

him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein

diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck

them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat

and beer is a very filling meal in itself When

he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put

in front of him but speed and alcohol are his

drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-

ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never

remembers what he does to me and since he

doesnrsquot remember I have to forget

It be what it be Bruce says about all things

unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color

electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it

be Today I see things clearly for the first time

Today I see myself on this couch waiting for

someone else to do the changing Today I see

that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be

my life until the day he kills me or he dies or

I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been

disappointed too many times Addiction his to

drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove

been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot

see my part until now

My only friend has been telling me for

months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I

have left many times for a day or a week but

Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop

drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs

to me for the first time that this is absurd and a

huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe

itrsquos me who needs to change and not because

that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction

is his business

Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll

be wasted because it was payday and most of

his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-

ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood

alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or

hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how

those will interact with his mood the kind of

day he had and if hersquos eaten

None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for

such a long time that I could Like every person

who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that

if I did all the right things I would figure out a

way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on

his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine

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33 FallWinter 2015 Move

I worked like some kind of crazy statistician

making up story problems to predict what he

might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job

and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without

eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito

at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos

left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going

to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-

ing home mistakes his second wife for his first

wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out

Please show your work

I have never been able to figure out the rec-

ipe for equilibrium His or mine

Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce

comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not

wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face

slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat

the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says

Itrsquos not really a question but I answer

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him

clearly for the first time I see his addiction in

action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have

nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest

thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can

do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look

at him for too long when hersquos been drinking

kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash

you just back away slowly and try not to piss

him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows

too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how

little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs

to believe because he has to be mad at some-

one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom

just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by

the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about

nothing that it was never my face that pissed

him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He

needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave

to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do

no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a

revelation

He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you

looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on

the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-

spread that covers its stained sagging cush-

ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier

mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore

afraid when hersquos like this and they should be

Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that

hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what

if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already

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Oregon Humanities34

dead or at least not living just existing on the

edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story

Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom

suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am

afraid of being killed

I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to

make a home The china teacups that I str ung

together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks

in the window like a mobile The plants my

booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the

sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the

bed my dad and I refinished before I left home

The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday

The fifteen years of history we have together

one year short of half my life tonight not all of

it bad He is no monster just a man struggling

wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to

face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo

He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo

He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo

Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He

screams them at me knowing how in the past

these are the very words that made me cling to

him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go

Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but

this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest

the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about

his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does

Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom

seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man

Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried

to help for his own good right This man Irsquove

tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody

made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when

I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself

Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the

usual responseI know three things tonight Number one

If I stay this will be my life until I die Number

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7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities36

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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37 FallWinter 2015 Move

M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN

he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline

somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and

believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he

turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean

for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees

in rows

My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home

at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York

City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for

rows of buildings

ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says

In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark

skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the

Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n

My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I

met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo

My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too

often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance

of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He

was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister

a year later

My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my

father a suit They seem happy in the picture

Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put

half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband

My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years

My grandmother died

All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a

life rocked with waves

P A I G E

V I C K E R S

JASON ARI AS

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities38

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have

let that slip through thecracksrdquo

My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes

My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why

Grandma was hiding

Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here

To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-

vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where

we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We

have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo

I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened

My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next

closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed

a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time

tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the

process

Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends

Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his

giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist

until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again

We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in

the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-

ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-

lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be

Ama zons)

The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door

I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour

feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean

ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said

We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not

about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same

ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As

kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon

I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower

water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the

high tide after being beached again and again

One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom

decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia

One of my new Olympian friends flicked a

match that started a fire inside my mattress I

tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking

Mom came home and we put the burning

bed outside

This isnrsquot a metaphor

I slept on the floor of my bedroom that

night missing the ocean of Grayland while my

mom and sister shared their bed in the room

next to mine The next morning my mattress

was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-

ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a

popular song on the radio at the time One of us

would start singing the lyrics

How can we dance when our earth is turning

and then wersquod all join in

How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh

But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame

Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-

land That no matter how many times we

were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty

porous flotation device on which to try to

reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe

even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the

way we did as something gia nt and limit less

something to be feared and conquered some-

thing to be moved by

In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a

flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called

my name and the light receded back down the

hall disappearing into the living room and

slipping out the front door

We discovered that the flickering light had

left wax shapes on the carpet of our living

room that could have been bad pentagrams or

the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It

left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot

take any money It left us wondering if some

past boyfriend had found us somehow

Whi le we were out the next day somebody

hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment

door Mom winced at the divots denting the

wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing

mechanism once was with her hand

We left the dishes in the sink

We left no forwarding address

We boarded a bus

Two days later we were on the doorstep of

the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with

a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my

backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase

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39 FallWinter 2015 Move

in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever

received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer

trophies in the other

At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude

who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-

thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been

there were two concave smooth-skinned div-

ots She was always smiling I liked watching

how Jude listened

Before long the four of us moved into an

apartment between Portland and Gresham It

was right on the MAX line and right on the city

line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-

landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign

that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block

to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch

my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but

Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the

perfect space for her She said it was easier for

her to know where everything was in a smaller

environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond

than an ocean

One day Jude brought her new boyfriend

home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo

ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said

Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor

and said ldquo White peoplerdquo

I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was

wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what

ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to

a blind person

Red is the rage in your gut

White is the entrapment of the disabled

One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend

and her room became a closet again

We saw her a little and then not at all

Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to

Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally

almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of

my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday

cards and pictures that were inside it

Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-

day cards away

My wife and I began archiving our new fam-

ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with

the rest of them Our sons grew I became an

uncle My grandfather remarried and went

crazy My mother still has the same smile she

had when I was young

Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a

bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple

of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary

There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help

you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear

Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie

each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out

If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads

directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end

points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably

guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock

between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled

and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long

by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of

human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of

the Mayan calendar

In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and

I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of

the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam

When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-

land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else

ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says

one night while wersquore lying in bed

And I do

I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that

had to happen I listen to our breath

In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I

make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My

finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving

And then the line disappears

And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and

falling together

Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the

Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life

Poems and Stories of the Dead

If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between

Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous

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Oregon Humanities40

READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts

One hundred moves and not one of

them associated with the military

a job or being on the run

The Ledger

Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G

through a yard sale I picked up an old

ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-

ance Company of New York A large thin hard-

bound ledger black with a red spine eleven

inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by

insurance agents to track insurers and their

policies all entries written by hand There was

only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty

cents the rest of the pages were blank After

years of treasuring its antiquity but making

no entries of my own I tore the one used page

out and decided to start tracking al l my moves

before my memory lost track I sat down and

recorded all the moves I remembered over one

hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my

parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them

associated with the military a job or being on

the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-

derlust and exploration then relationships

and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad

landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just

being unable as a single parent to bear the rent

and high heating bills Once my oldest son and

I landed in a decent house that could hold us

indefinitely After three months I was drawn to

cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted

to gather them touch them fill their empti-

ness with our lives When I realized what was

going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in

that house for two years then moved to Hawai i

Now the kids are grown the grandkids are

teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos

no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-

foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a

semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided

me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she

said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo

As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot

out of my feet and sink into the ground I was

so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here

three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot

want to move

What have I lea rned th rough al l these

moves Adaptability being and living in the

now and that there is glory in both staying and

moving but it is much easier and cheaper to

stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland

Out of the Nest

I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E

back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze

tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last

time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex

where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs

Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot

stepped inside the apartment for eight months

To do so would risk my life

ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-

tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February

I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following

weekmdashfor six months

Left behind with Michael were our surro-

gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy

and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned

starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier

It was last October when I first developed

symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-

ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse

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41 FallWinter 2015 Move

This is where the plates layers of crust

crashed into each other in a fiery show

perhaps tens of thousands of years ago

Soon breathing was excruciating I took

shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain

Paralyzing fatigue set in

My endocrinologist suspected chronic

obstructive pulmonary disease which made

little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I

began scouring descriptions of lung conditions

Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity

pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung

Relief and terror flooded in

If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-

monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a

terminal condition in which scarring causes

respiratory failure within three to five years

Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif

caught early But the solution is drastic We

would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-

ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even

be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the

parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would

have a new ending

Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms

lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper

grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-

pice moments before plummeting

Today we are moving the last of our belong-

ings into our first house The kitties and birdies

have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed

While I cannot hold my babies I watch them

on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the

two-way speaker

From rescue feedings to teenage angst to

nighttime vigils during illness in caring for

these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging

from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety

Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey

take their first tentative steps toward flight

Today I learned the most painful lesson let-

ting go

MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene

Subduction Zones

T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK

were on an af ternoon in early Septem-

ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for

the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper

and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our

ankles

Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-

berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend

and is directly responsible for the creation of

Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back

then one that I sometimes imagined looked

like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus

Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of

the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale

their name suggests but the result of plates

shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-

tion led to the formation of the trio This is

where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into

each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-

sands of years ago Subduction zones are places

where great trauma lies

And here I was all these years later in the

shadows of these mountains loss everywhere

Later that day back at our apartment we

walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit

into anymore For more than a year we went

through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern

Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that

followed us Then one day our four-year-old

daughter started a conversation that shook me

ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo

I nodded

ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so

sadrdquo

Six words leapt at me

ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo

We moved back to Ash land where brig ht

red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-

hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot

know it then but we were charting our own

map however imperfect Healing crept up on

us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-

ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew

Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng

up the darkness Seventeen years passed

And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most

folks want to flee helps you see things more

clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in

its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along

VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland

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Oregon Humanities42POSTS

continued from previous page

Just to

underscore

how settled we

planned to be

we unpacked

EverythingEven the

heirloom china

which had never

before left its

boxes We were

here to stay

Dance Church

SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I

go to church Dance church A church

where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers

to recite A church where at first glance outsid-

ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon

arriving I see a few little munchkins running

around with oversize neon headphones on to

protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music

set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with

rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors

There are flowers candles pillow puddles

beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some

kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in

alignment with the morningrsquos intention

As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s

become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-

tainer in which I can move once again after

years of chronic freezing and dissociating A

trapped animal released back into the wild

wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom

in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism

evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with

anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our

spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist

The music awakens the holy spirit within

me and dances me through throngs of people

I am an antelope cut loose checking out the

creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns

bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms

Each stunning in their authentic movement I

see people falling in love with each other from

a distance I see a girl rocking four different

Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed

like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands

ldquopracticing dancingrdquo

This is the church of Miriam the biblical

tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of

years later I move here and I am reunited with

my self my best self my most curious mischie-

vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self

Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten

invited back in the room to whip her hair back

and forth I throw my head back in delight and

laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like

hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form

of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music

EMILY I BEDAL Portland

Again

M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R

upwardly mobile engineer That trans-

lated into at least one move per year until I was

eight and another address for high school I

moved every year in college one year twice I

moved three times during my first stint in Bos-

ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-

ment for the whole two years Then it was back

to Boston where I lived in five different homes

in five years

Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for

the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe

two years back East then back to New Mexico

in two different cities three different homes

Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates

what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo

From Albuquerque we moved to our present

home in Port Orford my thirt ieth

Moving has always been exciting cathar-

tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books

by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally

donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-

ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated

magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets

ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit

thatrsquos never happened In each new house

wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos

never worked

We vowed Port Orford would be our final

ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore

how settled we planned to be we unpacked

Everything Even the heirloom china which

had never before left its boxes We were here

to stay

Except it seems wersquore going to have to move

again but not for the exciting futures wersquod

always envisioned before Now we need doctors

and hospitals and a nearby airport for family

visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is

on the other side of adventure Now we need a

place to feel safe secure

So the sorting and throwing out is about to

begin yet again There are closets and drawers

that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to

dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of

booksmdashto give away This move exciting No

way The very thought of it exhausts me

Still those other feelings cathartic freeing

new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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43 FallWinter 2015 Move

Next theme Root

For the Spring 2016 issue tell

us your stories about rooting

around taking root being

uprooted or root-bound getting

to the root of a problem being

the root of the problem rooting

someone on Share stories and

ideas about beginnings origins

and foundations Analyze a

historical or contemporary

grassroots effort Describe

the tension between staying

put and being stuck Send your

submission (400 words maxi-

mum) by February 15 2016 to

postsoregonhumanitiesorg

Submissions may be edited for

space or clarity

Listen to Your Body

I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y

motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease

Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit

and spot-on timing Though she was confined

to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was

still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her

sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-

cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone

have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but

aching joints diminished strength and a fal-

tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back

Those maladies werenrsquot the result of

chronic disease More like lack of exercise At

some point in the past decade or so I developed

an aversion to any fitness routine That choice

has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo

class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community

Center

Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the

center for the past thirty-six years teaches

the dance-infused workout three days a week

Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at

the core of each class She dispenses praise as

we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform

deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements

and she encourages each of us to breathe and

listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably

youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying

ballet seriously By then her versatility as an

actress singer dancer and comedian had been

evident in community theater productions in

the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although

not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few

years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe

continues to lead a full life She can still stand

and press her palms flat to the floor despite

relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip

notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg

and stretch at the barre

A role model for agi ng wit h presence and

dignity Lynn maintains her considerable

charm and elegance and purposely keeps her

body and mind active Like my mother she

is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has

inspired me to accept what my body can do

today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow

Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for

getting up in the morning And by some mea-

sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE

Portland

Over the Hill

I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D

eleven times in three years I worked spring

through fall as a natural history guide in

Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure

where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned

into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply

moved around A lot With each new tempo-

rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked

clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was

nothing

At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the

person who would become my life partner

another seasonal worker We would move from

Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We

lived one magical off-season on a houseboat

on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the

ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught

me I loved wide-open spaces What could be

wider than the Pacific A fter one more season

of guiding I came back to the coast and decided

to stay

I volunteered my way into one steady job

and eventually landed another at the local

college After a few more seasons my partner

came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota

and we bought another together He built a

business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our

hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and

had a child Wersquod officially settled down

The economic hardships of rural living

however are real job opportunities decline

and can no longer support the life wersquove built

The accumulation of years no longer fits into

the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner

took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast

and we lived as a split family The split was tax-

ing though so we decided to make the move

to the city We left the first community of our

adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven

ourselves The only community our daughter

has even known Friends asked me not to go

Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart

still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the

sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes

at the memory of that moon over Tillamook

Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot

nothingmdashitrsquos every thing

NANCY SLAVIN Portland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities44

Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm

LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015

This intertwined story of two

teenage girls and their mothers

is set in New Orleans during

and after Hurricane Katrina

In her debut novel Urbani an

Oregon writer with Southern

roots brings a maternal touch

to the narrative handling trag-

edy with a careful soulfulness

and love This honest yet brutal

story will simultaneously break

and warm your heart

mdashAnnie Kaffen

At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015

Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French

Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the

Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural

French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-

tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans

and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a

snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland

Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015

Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the

Oregon physician and radicalrsquos

extraordinary experiences

from her early years working in

a textile mill in New Bedford

Massachusetts through her

activist years in Oregon includ-

ing a three-year term at San

Quentin State Prison Equi lived

openly as a lesbian beginning in

the 1890s and was one of the

first practicing female doctors

in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and

compassion for others with a

strong personal belief in social

and economic justice

mdashCarole Shel lhart

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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45 FallWinter 2015 Move

People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015

This debut collection from

Portland writer Margaret

Malone is filled with brief

bitterly funny stories about the

sort of people who tie them-

selves in knots in their heads

and feel uncomfortable in their

own skin and can never quite

bring themselves to say the

words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point

includes all of us

mdashBen Waterhouse

The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015

Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer

The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with

Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research

for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the

first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of

revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced

a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer

in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he

writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo

mdashMaggie Starr

To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for

Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon

Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205

Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe

Sasquatch Books 2015

Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter

Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt

to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography

in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers

a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden

rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance

sounds smells and much more

mdashBen Waterhouse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities46

Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson

February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum

1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg

CROPPINGS

Wendy Red Star Untitled

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities programs are

funded by the National Endowment

for the Humanities and the Oregon

Cultural Trust and by contributions from

individuals foundations community

organizations and corporations For

more information about Oregon

Humanities or to learn how you can help

more Oregonians get together share

ideas listen think and grow please

contact us at

921 SW Washington Street Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax

(503) 241-0024

ohmoregonhumanitiesorg

oregonhumanitiesorg

Staff

e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r

Adam Davis

facilitation and tra ining manager

Rachel Bernstein

communicationsprogram associate

Eloise Holland

editorassociate director

Kathleen Holt

development director

Kamla Hurst

program officer

Annie Kaffen

office manager

Mikaela Schey

director of finance and oper ations

Carole Shellhart

development associate

Maggie Starr

communications associate

Ben Waterhouse

program coordinator

Kyle Weismann-Yee

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Board of Directorsch a i r

Sona Karentz Andrews Portland

v ic e ch a i r

Janet Webster Newport

tr e a s u r e r

Jeff Cronn Portland

secretary

Matthew Boulay Salem

Paul Duden Portland

Kimberly Howard Portland

Nels Johnson Portland

Emily Karr Portland

Shannon Mara Bend

Win McCormack Portland

Alberto Moreno Portland

Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego

Ron Paul Portland

Denise Reed Astoria

Chantal Strobel Bend

Dave Weich Portland

Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

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Portland OR

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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13 FallWinter 2015 Move

Whose StateIs This

Legal measures targeting LatinoOregonians reflect fears of change

I N TH E A U TU MN O F 1 980 TE R E S A A L O NS O L E O NrsquoS FA TH E R DE C IDE D TO TA KE A

rare day off from working in the fields near Clackamas to bring his daughters to what he thought

was a publ ic pa rk Alonso Leon who was five and her sister played catch their feet crunchingfallen leaves as they ran across the grass Then a car pulled up The driver got out and shouted at

Alonso Leonrsquos father The man spoke in English but her father spoke only SpanishmdashAlonso Leon

too They had only recently arrived from the southern state of Michoacaacuten Mexico to their new

home in Oregon The man grew more agitated gesturing and raising his voice until her father

gathered the girls and left

ldquoIt was a golf course or someplace people didnrsquot want kids playingrdquo Alonso Leon who is now

forty-one recalls ldquoMy father couldnrsquot read the signs and we had no idea what the man was saying

But the way the man spoke to my father that just stuck with merdquo

Alonso Leonrsquos fami ly are modern-day Movers people who made Oregon their destination of

hope for prosperity renewal and survival But her family would not have fit the original ideal

Movers was the nineteenth-century nickname for settlers who drove west in covered wagons

ldquoRestlessness was their dominant traitrdquo historian Malcolm Clark Jr wrote in his 1981 book Eden

Seekers ldquoThe gene of it was passed from father to son as a part of the act of procreation The fron-

tier was constantly reproducing itselfrdquo

For centuries the new Oregonians worked to make sure the reproducing gene was white W hen

it won statehood in 1859 Oregon was part of the anti-slavery Northmdashif only because its constitu-

tion excluded blacks from living within the statersquos borders (The provision wasnrsquot removed until

1926) Native tribes were shuffled to reservations and Chinese workers were attacked by white

residents in Oregon City La Grande and several other communities

The twentieth-century brought more hostility In 1920 state law required non-English news-

papers to print English translations Portlandrsquos black population swelled when the cityrsquos ship-

yards expanded during World War II and city leaders segregated African Americans in North

and Northeast Portland neighborhoods and nearby Vanport a slapdash public housing project ina floodplain near the Columbia River The state didnrsquot outlaw discrimination in housing restau-

rants hotels and other accommodations until the 1950s

BRENT WALTH

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities14

Oregon can no longer look in a mirror and see a bleached face

staring back In 1980 the first year the first year the CensusBureau included ldquoHispanicrdquo as a n ethnic category fewer than 7

percent of people in the state identified themselves as anything

other than ldquowhiterdquo Now according to the most recent Census

numbers nearly one quarter identify a s something other than

ldquowhite alonerdquo

The definition of what it means to be an Oregonian has

shifted as the state has seen immigrants from Asia Eastern

Europe and Africa The biggest shift has been in the statersquos

Latino population which has grown five times faster than the

state as a whole According to the Census 125 percent of the

population now identifies as Hi spanic or Latino Several cities

now count Latinos as the majority

One of those cities is Woodburn a Marion County town of

24000 where Alonso Leon now serves as a member of the city

council and where an acceptance of languages other than Eng-

lish has helped the community deal with change ldquoIf you donrsquot

have that you instead have misunderstanding and mispercep-

tions about other peoplerdquo Alonso Leon says ldquoWersquore not sitting

down together often enough as it isrdquo

Oregon has become a state of many languages But a small

effective and (many say) xenophobic group is pushing to put

a measure on the 2016 ballot that would declare English as the

statersquos official language Oregonians will need to decide if fear will divide the state over race ethnicity and how we talk to each

other

JIM LUDWICK SEES A DAY WHEN AMERICANS WILL BE

expected to speak both English and Spanish It worries him

ldquoBeing a bilingual country is breaking down people accord-

ing to where they came from rather than encouraging everyone

to be unitedrdquo Ludwick says ldquoItrsquos a tragedy waiting to happenrdquo

Ludwick a retired pharmaceuticals salesman from McMin-

nville is cofounder of Oregonians for Immigration Reform

which is pushing the Engl ish-only measure Since its found-

ing in 2000 the group has argued that the federal govern-

mentrsquos failure to enforce immigration laws has wreaked havoc

on the country The g roup opposes any government privileges

for undocumented residents including schools and health

care Oregonians for Immigration Reform he says favors the

deportation of anyone the government discovers is living in the

country illegally That includes the estimated 120000 undocu-

mented people living in Oregonmdasha number thatrsquos actually fallen

in recent years ldquoThis country was founded on the rule of lawrdquoLudwick says ldquoWersquore now seeing people openly violating our

immigration laws while try ing to impose new laws on usrdquo

For years Oregonians for Immigration Reform wasnrsquot taken

seriously in Salem or seen as a political threat Its leadersrsquo ten-

dency to broadbrush Latinos leaves many people uncomfort-

able When asked about immigration for example Ludwick

steers the conversation to ldquoillegalsrdquo stealing Social Security

numbers Mexicans run ning drugs a nd undocumented resi-

dents committing other crimes

The Southern Poverty Law Center a Montgomery Ala-

bamandashbased watchdog on issues of discrimination maintains a

nationwide list of ldquonativist extremistrdquo groups it says go beyondadvocating on immigration policy to targeting immigrants

themselves Oregonians for Immigration Reform is one of nine-

teen groups on the organizationrsquos nationwide list

Ludwick says this characterization of his group is unfair ldquoIf

I even question our immigration policies then Irsquom a racistrdquo he

says ldquoThatrsquos not it at all I want the United States to be a great

country that welcomes people from all over as we always have

But itrsquos foolish to think it will be i f we continue with our immi-

gration policiesrdquo

The grouprsquos status as an outsidermdashand its leaderrsquos view of its

place in Oregon politicsmdashchanged in 2014

Oregon once had relatively lax laws when it came to granting

driversrsquo licenses Starting in 2008 the state legislature required

proof of citizenship or legal residency such as a Social Security

number or other papers Latino groups (long courted by the

Democrats who run Salem) spent the next five years pushing

to overturn the law They succeeded in 2013 when lawmakers

established a ldquodriverrsquos cardrdquo for residents who could not prove

they were in the country legally

Oregonians for Immigration Reform fought the new law by

gathering the 58000 signatures needed to put the question on

the November 2014 ballot A ldquoyesrdquo vote would uphold the leg-

islaturersquos actions Backers including some farm groups saidthe measure was practical and compassionate But the mea-

sure became a proxy for frustration about the nationrsquos broken

The definition of what

it means to be anOregonian has shiftedas the state has seenimmigrants from AsiaEastern Europe and Africa The biggest shifthas been in the statersquos

Latino population which has grown fivetimes faster than thestate as a whole

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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15 FallWinter 2015 Move

immigration system and Oregon voters crushed the measure

two to one

The victory Ludwick says shows Oregonians agree with his

grouprsquos views that immigration is out of control and that the gov-

ernment should not be rewarding people who are here illegally

He says much of the country is with his groupmdashand the suc-

cess of Republican presidential candidate Donald Trumprsquos

rhetoric about immigrants is proof When he announced his

candidacy in June 2015 Trump said Mexico was dumping drug

dealers and rapists into the United States ldquoAnd some I assumerdquo

Trump added ldquoare good peoplerdquo

ldquoWhen he did thatrdquo Ludwick says ldquohe shot right up in the

polls He chose to talk about immigration because hersquos a guy who

likes leverage He knows thatrsquos a subject that appeals to regular

Americansrdquo

O R E GO N S A W ITS L A TINO P O P U L A TIO N GR O W A FTE R World War II when the United States opened its borders to bra-

ceros guest workers from Mexico who labored in the fields The

program ended in the mid-1960s but the statersquos farmers were

by then dependent on migrant workers United Farm Workers

(UFW ) leader Cesar Chavez often brought his protests to Ore-

gon denouncing the low wages unsafe conditions and abysmal

housing for many of the statersquos estimated 40000 migrant work-

ers half of whom took seasonal jobs in the Willamette Valley

The UFWrsquos actions sparked backlash against Latinos in

many places but Oregon turned away from a cultural battle In

1971 the Republican-controlled legislature passed a bill to stop

farmworkers from organizing They put intense pressure onthen-Governor Tom McCallmdasha fellow Republican who grew up

in a ranching familymdashto sign it McCall nearly did but protests

and vigils against the bill moved him (as did Chavezrsquos threats of

boycotts) and it troubled him that the state was about to deny

rights and protections for people who came here to work ldquoHellrdquo

McCall said when the bill-signing deadline approached ldquoIrsquom

going to veto that son of a bitchrdquo And he did Over the years

many migrants stopped moving around and settled in the Wil-

lamette Valley and they beckoned others from their home coun-

tries to join them

Teresa Alonso Leonrsquos family was among those who heard the

call Her parents arrived in Oregon without documentation Her

father left their home in Michoacaacuten in early 1980 and moved

to Clackamas where relatives had told him he could find bet-

ter-paying work than he had in Mexico In Oregon her parents

worked at least two jobs at a ti me often seven days a week For

four years her family lived in a ramshackle house in Gervais

without plumbing They used a n outhouse and hauled in buck-

ets of water filled from a garden hose to cook and clean In the

winter the water stored in the buckets indoors froze

Her parents wanted their children to avoid the life they had

as laborers and for Alonso Leon school was transformative She

quickly saw the need to learn Englishmdashher teachers made herrepeat first grade because she struggled with the new language

But she soon caught up and became the familyrsquos translator

during doctorrsquos visits or meetings at her school

ldquoI had to become the spokesperson for the familyrdquo she says

In 1986 Congress passed an immigration amnesty bill that

offered legal residency to 29 million people Not yet a teenager

Alonso Leon represented her parents as they met the require-

ments to earn legal status gathering work histories from past

employers studying US history and demonstrating basic Eng-

lish skills (Her parents earned legal residency that covered

Alonso Leon She became a US citizen in 2013)

Her family eventually moved to Woodburn where she

attended high school before earning her GED through a pro-

gram at the University of Oregon She went on to graduate from

Wester n Ore gon Uni versity and Portland Stat e University

where she earned a masterrsquos degree in public administration

Alonso Leon has spent most of her career looki ng for ways to

make school more avai lable to low-income students or those who

are the first in their families to attend college At Portland Com-munity College she helped develop a program to guide migrant

students in adjusting to their first year in college Today she

runs the state of Oregonrsquos GED program in the Department of

Community Colleges and Workforce Development which each

year helps 1700 students gain their high-school equivalency

Families like hers have worked here for decades paying ta xes

and working to offer their children better lives And Alonso

Leon worries that Oregon will declare its government recog-

nizes only English

ldquoIt sends the message that as a state wersquore denying that peo-

ple should be able to live here and speak their native languagerdquo

Alonso Leon says ldquo It also sends the message t hat i mmigrantsarrive and reject the language thatrsquos spoken here Thatrsquos not the

case People try to learn English because they wa nt to succeedrdquo

Alonso Leonrsquos parents still struggle with English even a fter

three decades in Oregon Mastering the language she says often

requires education and trainingmdashsomething that her parents

and many other immigra nts have lacked

ldquoMy parents worked two or three jobs at a time at low wages

all these yearsrdquo she says ldquoYou can say to my parents lsquoWhy have

you not done a better job of learning Englishrsquo The answer is

they spent all their time making sure their children were fed

and clothedrdquo

THE MEASUR E SUPPORTED BY OREGONIANS FOR IMMI-

gration Reform would if passed by voters require state and

local governments to conduct business in English Oregon

law already requires that in many cases even though Oregon

is one of nineteen states without a blanket official-language

declaration

But the Oregon measure could go beyond what other states

impose its language suggests that (with some exceptions) it

could become illegal for government agencies to provide com-

munications with the public in languages besides Englishmdash

despite the fact that 15 percent of Oregonians speak a languageother than English at home Portland Public Schools for exam-

ple prints materials for parents in several languagesmdasha practice

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities16

Ludwick says is a waste of money

Ludwick recalls an illustration he saw in a social studies text-

book he had in high school ldquoIt was of this giant cooking potrdquo

he says ldquoPeople from all over the world are jumping inmdashpeople

with sombreros and so on And in the picture Uncle Sam is stir-

ring itmdashstirring the pot the melting pot And the people who had

jumped in earlier are now climbing out dressed like Americans

They had coats and ties onrdquo

ldquoThe point isrdquo he says ldquoit was about assimilation It used to

be you come to America to become an American Not a Hispanic

American New immigrants today donrsquot want to be assimilated

They want to divide themselves off from us while imposing their

cultural beliefs on usrdquo

The threat Ludwick sees is about more than language Itrsquos

about influence and powermdashless about reforming immigration

laws than it is about forcing a cultural norm on Oregonrsquos immi-

grants His grouprsquos attention to Latinos in particular is basedin sheer numbersmdash40 percent of immigrants in Oregon were

born in Mexicomdashbut also on the success of organi zations such

as Causa Oregon to push a political agenda These groups have

had some victories including a 2013 law allowing college tuition

grants for undocumented students who attended Oregon high

schools But the doors of power have not been knocked open

The state has seen only one Latino elected official statewide

(former state schools superintendent Susan Castillo) and only

a handf ul of legislators

What Oregonians for Immigration Reform plays on is fearmdash

the fear of a non-Latino majority losing influence and facing

discrimination for not speaking Spanish In its troubled his-tory Oregon has turned on the ldquootherrdquo foreigners blacks any

faceless group accused of stealing something from the rest of us

including jobs culture andmdashnowmdashlanguage

The last thing Oregon needs is another dark chapter of rac-

ism disguised as nationalistic duty What the state could use

instead is a moment of illumination and courage

Itrsquos happened before in another context A half century ago

Oregon set out to protect its farms and forests by carefully plan-

ning for the rapid population growth that was coming Its lead-

ers (primari ly Governor Tom McCall) engaged in a long often

rending discussion about the need for land-use laws Invective

followedmdashfoes called Oregon a communist state and voters in

many parts of the state would still erase land-use laws from the

books in a hea rtbeat given the chance But it took someone with

guts to cha llenge hardened beliefs and prepare Oregon for the

future

Itrsquos time for another conversation this one about the chang-

ing face of the state Oregonrsquos long history with a whites-only

club running things is ending Imagine seeing a leader in Oregon

brave enough to embrace that futuremdashespecially now that the

nationrsquos political debate is oozing anti-immigrant poison

A future Oregon leader who gets up the nerve to t alk about

the value of a more diverse Oregonmdashand the need to account

for itmdashneed look no further than Woodburn a city that thirty

years ago no one would predict would be a model for cultural

tolerance The town struggled with change as Latino and Rus-

sian immigrants came to the area Today Woodburn proudly

talks of its ldquoLittle Mexicordquo business district The school district

has seen enormous success in graduating students from high

school in large part because of its bilingual approach in theclassroom The city routinely sends out information about the

library parks and water bills in English and Spanish And the

cityrsquos website has a button that allows visitors to translate its

pages into thirty-six lang uages

Alonso Leon says that despite Woodburnrsquos progress the city

has a lot of ground to gain when it comes to making itself open

to everyone She says the city council rarely sees members of the

Latino community appear before it and that the only Spanish

speakers who attend meetings on a regular basis are usually her

parents who like to watch her in action She says the city has

formed a committee to find ways Woodburn can knock down

cultural and language barriers that keep non-English speakersfrom believing they have a role in civic debates

ldquoWe need to do more to make ourselves inviting and avail-

ablerdquo she says ldquoTelling people only English is acceptable in

government runs against the idea that everyone has the right

to be heardrdquo

Alonso Leon won an appointment to city council in 2013 and

must run for her seat this year if she wa nts to keep it Shersquos never

sought public office before and she could appear on the same

election ballot as Trump and the Oregonians for Immigration

Reform measuremdashan irony that isnrsquot lost on her

Alonso Leon expects a campaign wil l test her Shersquod be the

third Latino elected to the council (shersquos the only one serving

there now) and she says she has never been afraid to tell her story

ldquoIf people are asking questions and scrutinizing who I am

that means theyrsquore considering me or someone like merdquo she

says ldquoAnd that in itself is progressrdquo

Brent Walth has been an Oregon journalist since 1984 Hersquos

the former managing editor at Willamette Week and senior

investigative reporter for the Oregonian and author of Fire at

Edenrsquos Gate a biography of Oregon Governor Tom McCall

Hersquos now an assistant professor in the University of Oregon

School of Journalism and Communication

The threat Ludwicksees is about more thanlanguage Itrsquos about

influence and power

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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17 FallWinter 2015 Move

Communityin Flux

A long-persecuted people begins to speak out

I N P O R T L A N D T H E C H R I S T M A S O F 1 9 4 4 W A S B I T -

terly cold and blanketed in white It snowed for days and

stayed close to freezing as the New Year approached But Port-

landers were distracted from the unusually cruel weather by

news that Portland Mayor Earl Riley was forcing dozens of

Roma out of the citymdashand by God it was about time the news-papers crowed Although many members of the local Kalderash

community of Roma had been working in the Kaiser shipyard

factories for the US war effort elected officials law enforce-

ment and the media fell over themselves to justify r unning the

Roma out of town

The Oregon Journal reported that encouraged by police the

Romamdashdescribed as ldquothe gaily dressed wanderersrdquomdashasked for

assistance to return to Texas and New Mexico because Portland

was ldquotoo coldrdquo for them Mayor R iley p ersuaded the US Of fice

of Price Administration (OPA) the federal bureau in charge of

rationing to issue special gas rations to the Roma so they could

make the drive south

The Oregonian considered this a ldquonotable featrdquo by the mayor

not only because the OPArsquos rationing of items like gas rubber

sugar and butter was so strict but also because Riley was ldquogetting

rid of at least half the gy psies [who] have been afflicting the cityrdquo

ldquoWe are right proud of our mayorrdquo the paper wrote

This was the same Mayor Riley who is purported to be one of

the most corrupt mayors in Portlandrsquos history Though his office

accused the Roma of using fortune-telling as a front for prostitu-

tion Riley allegedly kept a special safe in City Hall just for the

bribes he collected from these same types of criminal opera-

tions He was neither indicted nor punished despite criticism bythe City Club of Portland instead he amassed a fortune in ille-

gal enterprises over his lifetime Meanwhile the Roma families

LISA LOVING

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities18

A detective and two policemen

escort two arrested Romani women

from the paddy wagon into the

Police Headquarters building at SW

2nd amp Oak in 1951

in Portland barely got by sometimes using abandoned storefronts as homes

Carol Silvermanmdasha professor of cultural anthropology and folklore at the

University of Oregon who has studied worked with and advocated for Roma

locally and around the world for almost forty yearsmdashsays the group of Roma in

Portland who came to work in the shipyards during the war were turned upon

when the war was over ldquoJust like Rosie the Riveter when women no longer were

needed for welding and [were told they] should go back to the homerdquo Silverman

says ldquoit was perceived that this group of Roma was no longer needed in the cityPerceived as foreign outsiders dangerous [they were] given these gas rations to

drive out of staterdquo

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19 FallWinter 2015 Move

COURTESY THOMAS ROBINSON

Roma in America today are a community in flux Families

still identify their lineages through distinct ethnic communi-

ties sometimes called tribes including the Sinti Romanichal

and Kalderash and these communities tend to blend in with

the mainstream In the Northwest a look through local busi-

ness listings will not reveal any obvious groups or organiza-

tions serving them except a handful of very tight-knit Christian

churches Most Kalderash would prefer to live under the radar

says Silverman for a compelling historical reason almost

everywhere theyrsquove gone Roma people have been oppressed by

both government and society

Originally from India Roma communities are traditionally

nomadic From the fourteenth century until the Romanian

emancipation of 1864 Roma were enslaved and traded by the

local nobility in a large area of southern Romania including

Walachia and Moldovia with the support of church institutions

Roma moved to the Northwest in the largest numbers after1864 with Kalderash families settling in the area between 1880

and 1920 Silverman says ldquoFrom the first time they came to

America there were rules regulating where Roma could live and

where they could settle and even the kind of work they could do

Many cities had anti-fortune-telling edicts fortune-telling poli-

cies on the books Some cities actually still have themrdquo

Accused of being naturally inferior and prone to crime Roma

people in the Northwest have been targeted and harassed by

local law enforcement and negatively depicted in the media In

1906 the Oregonian wrote ldquoThe police allege that the gypsies

have such a penchant for stealing everything that is not nai led

down that it is necessary always to lsquokeep an eye on themrsquordquo Andthe Ashland Daily Tidings in 1916 wrote ldquoTrue to their inborn

instincts the horde of gypsies which passed through Ashland

last Sunday failed to get out of t he country without committing

a serious depredationrdquo

No scholar has studied discrimination against the Roma as

fully as Ian Hancock a University of Texas at Austin professor of

linguistics English and Asian studies who laid out his findings

in a 2007 research paper He writes that despite five special US

Congressional sessions addressing the increase in anti-Romani

hate crimes in Europe and the correlative increase in Romani

asylum seekers to the United States ldquoThere nevertheless remain

laws on the books in various states and counties that continue

to operate against Gypsies Many of these laws a list of which

fills thirty-four pages were inherited from Europe and were

intended to be used against the earlier Gypsy populations in the

United States they have since found new application against

the more recently arrived and more v isible Eastern European

Roma escaping the post-Communist increase in racial violence

in that region many of whom are seeking political asylum hererdquo

But despite the hostility they have traditionally faced

Romani people have also historically been linchpins of their

local economies Silverman says Roma in Europe worked in

metalcraft which t hey applied in the United States to recopperand re-tin household items at the turn of the century ldquoUntil the

1950s before stainless steel in order to have a working kitchen

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Oregon Humanities20

Most Americanshave no idea

that their owngovernment waspersecuting Romapeople at thesame time Romain Europe werebeing murdered inthe Holocaust

you had to have your pots and pans redonerdquo Silverman says ldquoThis was a real

Romani skillrdquo

This skill in metalwork was perfect for the emerging car industry in 1920s

and rsquo30s America ldquoRoma did this kind of service for many many Northwest

Americans and then eventua lly they got i nto t he car sales businessrdquo Silver-

man says The Romarsquos family-based car repair operations competed directly

with corporate auto repair shops offering an alternative to high-dollar services

with the personal attention of a family business So by World War II not only

was Mayor Riley rsquos expulsion of Roma families cruel but it also likely damaged

the local economy

Most Americans have no idea that their own government was persecut-

ing Roma people at the same time Roma in Europe were being murdered in

the Holocaust The Nazis killed an estimated 220000 to 500000 Roma men

women and childrenmdashperhaps 25 percent of the European Roma populationmdash

between 1935 and 1945 Morgan Ahern a SintiRomanichal Roma and founder

of Seattle-based organization Lolo Diklo Romani Against Racism believes

the number of Roma killed may be as high as 15 million ldquoMany [were killed] inconcentration campsrdquo she says ldquobut many more [were] just shot on the roadrdquo

Silverman agrees that the effect of the Holocaustmdashknown to some Roma as

the Porraimos or ldquothe devouringrdquomdashon the Roma has been ldquoa footnote in most

textbooksrdquo and is only starti ng to be examined in Holocaust museums because

of lobbying by Roma and their allies

Also overlooked in the history of Roma in the United States generations of

Roma children taken from their parents and warehoused in foster care systems

because of lifestyle differences and some families say racism Ahern was one

of those children removed from her family and put into foster care after her

parents were deemed unfit to ta ke care of her because they were Romani and

nomadic

Even today many Romani individuals and families lack birth certificatesand marriage certificates making them vulnerable to government officialsrsquo

whims Silverma n says ldquoThings like being fingerprinted havi ng a birth certifi-

cate might mean that your children are going to be taken away These historic

memories are very very very much alive for Romardquo

After generations of abuse a modest tide of Roma are beginning to speak out

about their civil rights and demand fair t reatment including fair accommoda-

tions in trying to obtain legal documentation for family members who were

born in the United States Silverman who is on the board of the nonprofit Voice

of Roma says she was involved in a c ase in Portland in which it was argued that

oral testimony in a birth is equivalent to a birth certificate ldquoWhen people bear

witness to a marriagerdquo Silverman says ldquoit doesnrsquot matter if therersquos no marriage

certificate It could be issued based on hindsight on memoryrdquo

For a community that has for generations avoided keeping their money in

bank accounts and sending their children to public schools social isolation is

giving way to an emerging movement for empowerment

On the East Coast Kalderash filmmaker George Eli produces films about

his family and is currently building a media channel on Roma And at the

University of Texas Hancock who is Romanichal Roma has spent decades

building the Program of Romani Studies and the Romani Arch ives and Docu-

mentation Center

Ahern founded Lolo Diklo which means ldquored scarfrdquo in 1986 along w ith a

fellow teacher at Seattle Central College The grouprsquos purpose is to document

discrimination and persecution of Romani Ahernrsquos fatherrsquos Romanichal fam-ily have lived in the United States since the 1700s and were originally sent from

Ireland by the British government as slaves Her motherrsquos family were Sinti who

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21 FallWinter 2015 Move

No documentsor oral histories

exist showingwhat happened tothe Roma familiesforced out ofPortland in 1944

arrived in the United States in the late 1930s

fleeing the climate in Germany Her maternal

grandmother pretended to be Italian to get into

the country

Over the years Ahern has traveled through-

out the West Coast lecturing about Roma cul-ture and civil rights She works with Romani

organizations across the United States South

America Canada Europe and Spain

Silverman adds that over the past twenty

years many American Roma have become

born-again Christians establishing their own

churches or joining evangelical congregations

Some of these church leaders are emerging as

community spokespeoplemdashsomething very

new for a community that has been persecuted

for so long ldquoThere are Roma who donrsquot want

to be left alone anymore because they are at a

disadvantage when they are left alonerdquo Silver-

man says ldquoThey are being very brave to actu-

ally interact with t he US court systemrdquo

But despite these efforts even today the dis-

crimination that Roma face by revealing their

heritage remains very real ldquoIn their historical

memory interacting with American institu-

tions has often resulted in a form of marginal-

izationrdquo Silverman says

For example Silverman describes ethnic

profiling by police bureaus through what wereknown as ldquobunco squadsrdquo police bureaus in

the South that had ldquoGypsy unitsrdquo to focus on

ldquoGypsy crimerdquo She says ldquoThis is ethnic profiling of crime

assuming that all Roma commit a certain kind of crime and

certain ki nds of crimes are only committed by Romardquo

The racial profiling of Roma people doesnrsquot stop with law

enforcement it is a staple of local news The language used

in Pacific Northwest news coverage in the past ten years to

describe alleged offenders has hardly changed from what was

writ ten in newspapers in the early 1900s

In 2007 a ldquoNight Cabbierdquo column in Willamette Week

sparked outrage ldquoThe Gypsies apparently are no jokerdquo the

unidentified cab driverwriter penned about the apparent rav-

ings of a customer ldquoDespite what we may think she explains to

us that real Gypsies arenrsquot nomadic livestock thieves but in fact

have been living in her neighborhood for decades And theyrsquore

very bad neighborsrdquo

ldquoThis is racist nonsenserdquo a reader responded ldquoInexcusable

for a serious newspaper to print such offensive content about areal livi ng breathing person in the neighborhood on account of

one of his neighbors For all we know this bigoted fool is the bad

neighborrdquo

No documents or oral histories exist showing what happened

to the Roma families forced out of Portland in 1944 Did they

stay in Texas Did they return to the Northwest Did they find

safety Or were they forced on toward some other location And

most important how in the Information Age is it possible that

the Roma experience has been all but forgotten by the main-

stream of society

Silverman holds out hope that organizations such as Voice of

Roma and Lolo Diklo can help Roma keep from getting caught inunfriendly bureaucratic systems as well as provide an opening

for more outreach and understanding The Portland Romani

Festival a one-day celebration featuring food music and infor-

mation on human rights issues affecting Roma people is ten-

tatively scheduled for late spring 2016 The Festival Romani

Facebook page is a fountain of music and cu ltural events par-

ticularly music performances up and down the West Coast

ldquoI think people should become knowledgeable about Romani

history and discrimination in order to combat itrdquo Silverman

says ldquoIt seems to me that while wersquore talking about ethnic a nd

racial diversity we can no longer eliminate a large group that

has suffered prejudice for so many years and continues to suffer

prejudicerdquo

Thanks to Fair Housing Council of Oregon for sharing this

story with Oregon Humanities through its history bus tour

Lisa Loving has reported on civil rights and diversity in

Oregon for more than fifteen years She is a news and

public affairs producer at KBOO Community Radio 907

FM in Portland and the former news editor of the award-

winning African American community newspaper the

Skanner Her new book How to Be a Citizen Journalist will

be released in 2017 by Microcosm Publishing

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities22

Like all places Oregon has a brand an identity that distinguishes

it from other places This identity is a pastiche of characteris-

ticsmdashenvironmental and agricultural urban and rural intrepid and

entrepreneurialmdashthat become a kind of shorthand that rightly or

wrongly insiders and outsiders read to understand what this state

and its people collectively value But how much do we the resi-

dents of this place really know about the systems behind these

things that seem to represent our identity

On the pages that follow we look more closely at just four ofthese cultural identifiers and how they move through their individ-

ual systems coho salmon up the Columbia River past historical

sites trash recyclables reusables and compost from Portland to

other parts of the state and the world bicycles buses and cars

up a busy corridor through a rapidly changing neighborhood and

ideas measures and laws through what is sometimes called the

Oregon System

Thanks to sources at the Confluence Project Death with Dignity Friends of the Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge Heiberg Garbage and

Recycling Metro MIG Northwest Power and Conservation Council Ofce of the Secretary of State Oregon History Project Oregon Legis -

lature Portland Bureau of Transportation TriMet and US Forest Servicersquos Pacific Northwest Research Station for their help with this story

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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23 FallWinter 2015 Move

Salmon up the Columbia RiverAFTER SPENDING sixteen to twenty months at sea a coho

salmon begins her journey up the Columbia and Sandy Rivers

back to her natal spawning grounds This amazing biological phe-

nomenon is also rich with cultural significance and the landmarks

she passes upstream mark the politics and history of her species

1 Salmon were central to the Chinook that once inhabited villages

along the lower Columbia and seining was the most important

method used to catch the fish As runs declined in the early twen-

tieth century white fishermen drove the Chinook off Sand Island

and Peacock Spit two of the most productive seining areas in

the estuary Seining was prohibited by Washington in 1934 and

Oregon in 1948

2 On March 16 1806 Meriwether Lewis drew and described a fish

brought to him at Fort Clatsop ldquoThe white Salmon Trout has

now made itrsquos appearance in the creeks near this place one of

them was brought us today by an Indian who had just taken it with

his gig this is a likness of itrdquo The fish was later classified as coho

salmon Oncorhynchus kisutch

3 In 1866 the brothers George W and William Hume and Andrew

S Hapgood established a salmon cannery at Eagle Cliff

Washington packing 4000 cases their first year In 1895 up to

50 Columbia canneries produced 635000 cases of salmon But

by 1977 the pack was just 2547 cases The last major cannery

on the Columbia closed in 1980

4 On November 5 1805 Lewis and Clark recorded a visit to the

ldquoQuathapotle Nationrdquo one of the largest Chinookan villages the

expedition encountered Today Cathlapotle is an archeological site

and the home of a modern plankhouse which serves as an outdoor

classroom and is used by the Chinook Indian Nation

5 In 2008 Maya Linrsquos sculpture Bird Blind was dedicated The blind

lists 134 plants documented by Lewis and Clark along with one

word on their status today thriving threatened endangered or

extinct Coho are listed as threatened today

6 In 2007 the Marmot Dam part of Portland General Electric hydro-

electric project in the Sandy River basin was removed due to

pressure from conservation groups and rising management costs

Built in 1913 by Portland Railway Light and Power Company the

dam provided hydroelectric power to Portland Today salmon navi-gate a free-flowing river mdashTRM

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities24

1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every

other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-

cling one of a number of independent haulers

in the Metro region grind their gears uphill

traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food

scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-

board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue

recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in

the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green

roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-

egory recycling compost and yard waste and

garbage

2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly

either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-

gon Recycling System past the airport in East

Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery

facilities (there are a handful in the region)

which then sell the materials based on demand

in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others

in foreign countries such as China

3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable

waste the other trucks head to Metro Central

Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro

South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-

tions in the region Last year almost a half a

million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos

two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins

other company haulers contractors with con-

struction waste and residential customers with

miscellaneous items not picked up through

home collection service At the transfer station

the sorting process begins

4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature

Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-

ogy Organics outside of North Plains about

twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about

twelve miles north of Corvallis

5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household

items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material

in roads

6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader

then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time

is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer

stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a

three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty

no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush

plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo

According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the

garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material

The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is

often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per

minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to

an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the

plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity

powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM

Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland

Waste fromSouthwestPortland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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25 FallWinter 2015 Move

1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in

winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period

in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a

twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source

TriMet)

HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make

every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-

tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed

Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-

age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo

In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin

Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the

new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue

represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even

signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from

the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles

per hour depending on the time of day

The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars

buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic

signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and

emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one

hundred intersections throughout Portland

Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North

Williams today reflects a different wave of development and

demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share

the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to

bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes

to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density

residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG

Traffic on North Williams Avenue

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities26

Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect

changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-

erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed

law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or

rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already

passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a

referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather

than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-

ers approved this system in 1902

This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an

initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on

a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided

driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal

documentation of US citizenship status

1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three

ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)

Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text

of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall

issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to

provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)

2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-

tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)

3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of

Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative

petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State

Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal

Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)

4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is

certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults

to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88

58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold

of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to

qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-

ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without

requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to

Dec 2013)

5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88

Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor

Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)

6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51

to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails

666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-

croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered

by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed

lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move

(2003)

7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block

saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-

zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the

case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor

General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the

practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The

US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide

law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG

Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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27 FallWinter 2015 Move

SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137

983158983151983145983139983141

N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -

room closet I came across a box of old family photographs

I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color

photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-

ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five

standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie

primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos

hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-

tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against

the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But

the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a

frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat

in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple

of the Sun

A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -

graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one

end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both

L A I L A L A L A M I

Al-Mursquoallaqat

The GoldenOdes of Love

J E N W I C K S T U D I O

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities28

of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels

science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-

raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to

love books so much perhaps books provided them an education

about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing

from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches

that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-

ing the reign of King Hassan

It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned

to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed

copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from

friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about

whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-

drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new

offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte

which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne

Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others

Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les

petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why

the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion

Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which

the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to

either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan

tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three

Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords

and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo

Of course none of the characters in these books looked or

spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly

all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan

bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their

homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my

own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they

had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary

world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an

alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define

normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like

my country my imagination had been colonized

I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly

the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-

acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the

fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled

my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high

school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes

where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-

yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as

well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father

said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it

was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted

D RISS C H RAI BI

LA

CI VI LISA TIO N

MA M E R E

PAR

ALEXANDRE DUMAS

Taha Hussein

THE

DA YS

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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29 FallWinter 2015 Move

When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same

school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum

el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine

At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were

taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled

with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still

the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-

language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from

the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi

al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the

Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese

Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-

moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some

of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved

each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a

classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-

els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan

authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-

tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren

It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read

adult literature on my own and independently from school that

I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-

ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos

La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a

sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin

Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book

that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment

of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read

lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was

as fertile ground for fiction as any other

And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature

nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in

French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after

all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-

latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss

Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was

ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a

particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made

it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I

was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train

in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco

medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-

ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my

hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat

or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-

matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely

be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study

linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in

a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in

an analytica l way

Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in

Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship

to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait

I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and

racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School

of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work

of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went

back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how

often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes

Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in

our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in

formal soireacutees French was de rigueur

Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-

guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles

and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in

English which made me think even more about the relationship

between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a

prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power

an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people

The education I had received had emphasized the importance

of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our

media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the

shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed

in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored

by the French government for free access to books The role of

Every time I went back

to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much

and how often we moved

between French and

Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not

went through life

switching between codes

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Oregon Humanities30

French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a

cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no

longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case

of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should

not be writing at all

I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish

after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried

to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of

me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that

stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have

immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the

native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow

me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred

to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic

languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought

Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my

days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use

English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the

linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh

perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a

child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-

gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the

same story

I have always written because I have always had the urge to

tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided

that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-

thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my

race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-

larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while

the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and

waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had

enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos

phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-

rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat

seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of

others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the

works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s

such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in

the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and

sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing

graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had

always told stories but now I wanted to be heard

This essay was first published in World Literature Today

Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami

Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The

Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The

Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy

Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for

Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016

Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16

and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for

more information and to buy tickets

Writing in French came

at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial

baggage that I no longer

wanted to carry I started

to suffer from a peculiar

case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic

perhaps I should not be

writing at all

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31 FallWinter 2015 Move

A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good

LORETTA STINSON

I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M

every day after work waiting for Bruce to

get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching

myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me

sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on

from a distance at whatever is happening to

me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie

and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-

kick of the star or I play a supporting role but

I am definitely not the star of this movie The

moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom

just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been

able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed

freak for fifteen years

Sun through the small rectangular win-

dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats

wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in

1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from

the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom

watchi ng my past present a nd future selves

do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental

after another waiting for the next bad thing

to happen and not getting out of the way even

when I see it coming The habit of living in con-

stant fear and the resignation that nothing can

ever change are the glue that holds me in place

This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting

on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on

Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on

hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the

future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who

can only be counted on not to be counted on

In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses

and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about

J U L I A N N A B R I O N

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Oregon Humanities32

detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot

change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-

ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what

the old-timers were saying Needless to say

I didnrsquot

Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go

home and try some new strategy to make Bruce

quit using I once read a book about how sugar

was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding

him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein

diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck

them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat

and beer is a very filling meal in itself When

he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put

in front of him but speed and alcohol are his

drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-

ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never

remembers what he does to me and since he

doesnrsquot remember I have to forget

It be what it be Bruce says about all things

unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color

electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it

be Today I see things clearly for the first time

Today I see myself on this couch waiting for

someone else to do the changing Today I see

that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be

my life until the day he kills me or he dies or

I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been

disappointed too many times Addiction his to

drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove

been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot

see my part until now

My only friend has been telling me for

months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I

have left many times for a day or a week but

Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop

drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs

to me for the first time that this is absurd and a

huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe

itrsquos me who needs to change and not because

that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction

is his business

Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll

be wasted because it was payday and most of

his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-

ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood

alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or

hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how

those will interact with his mood the kind of

day he had and if hersquos eaten

None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for

such a long time that I could Like every person

who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that

if I did all the right things I would figure out a

way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on

his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine

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33 FallWinter 2015 Move

I worked like some kind of crazy statistician

making up story problems to predict what he

might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job

and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without

eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito

at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos

left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going

to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-

ing home mistakes his second wife for his first

wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out

Please show your work

I have never been able to figure out the rec-

ipe for equilibrium His or mine

Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce

comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not

wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face

slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat

the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says

Itrsquos not really a question but I answer

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him

clearly for the first time I see his addiction in

action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have

nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest

thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can

do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look

at him for too long when hersquos been drinking

kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash

you just back away slowly and try not to piss

him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows

too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how

little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs

to believe because he has to be mad at some-

one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom

just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by

the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about

nothing that it was never my face that pissed

him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He

needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave

to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do

no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a

revelation

He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you

looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on

the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-

spread that covers its stained sagging cush-

ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier

mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore

afraid when hersquos like this and they should be

Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that

hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what

if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already

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Oregon Humanities34

dead or at least not living just existing on the

edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story

Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom

suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am

afraid of being killed

I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to

make a home The china teacups that I str ung

together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks

in the window like a mobile The plants my

booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the

sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the

bed my dad and I refinished before I left home

The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday

The fifteen years of history we have together

one year short of half my life tonight not all of

it bad He is no monster just a man struggling

wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to

face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo

He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo

He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo

Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He

screams them at me knowing how in the past

these are the very words that made me cling to

him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go

Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but

this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest

the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about

his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does

Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom

seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man

Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried

to help for his own good right This man Irsquove

tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody

made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when

I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself

Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the

usual responseI know three things tonight Number one

If I stay this will be my life until I die Number

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Oregon Humanities36

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37 FallWinter 2015 Move

M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN

he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline

somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and

believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he

turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean

for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees

in rows

My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home

at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York

City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for

rows of buildings

ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says

In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark

skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the

Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n

My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I

met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo

My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too

often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance

of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He

was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister

a year later

My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my

father a suit They seem happy in the picture

Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put

half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband

My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years

My grandmother died

All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a

life rocked with waves

P A I G E

V I C K E R S

JASON ARI AS

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Oregon Humanities38

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have

let that slip through thecracksrdquo

My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes

My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why

Grandma was hiding

Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here

To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-

vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where

we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We

have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo

I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened

My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next

closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed

a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time

tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the

process

Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends

Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his

giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist

until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again

We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in

the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-

ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-

lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be

Ama zons)

The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door

I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour

feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean

ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said

We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not

about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same

ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As

kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon

I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower

water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the

high tide after being beached again and again

One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom

decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia

One of my new Olympian friends flicked a

match that started a fire inside my mattress I

tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking

Mom came home and we put the burning

bed outside

This isnrsquot a metaphor

I slept on the floor of my bedroom that

night missing the ocean of Grayland while my

mom and sister shared their bed in the room

next to mine The next morning my mattress

was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-

ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a

popular song on the radio at the time One of us

would start singing the lyrics

How can we dance when our earth is turning

and then wersquod all join in

How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh

But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame

Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-

land That no matter how many times we

were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty

porous flotation device on which to try to

reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe

even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the

way we did as something gia nt and limit less

something to be feared and conquered some-

thing to be moved by

In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a

flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called

my name and the light receded back down the

hall disappearing into the living room and

slipping out the front door

We discovered that the flickering light had

left wax shapes on the carpet of our living

room that could have been bad pentagrams or

the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It

left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot

take any money It left us wondering if some

past boyfriend had found us somehow

Whi le we were out the next day somebody

hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment

door Mom winced at the divots denting the

wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing

mechanism once was with her hand

We left the dishes in the sink

We left no forwarding address

We boarded a bus

Two days later we were on the doorstep of

the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with

a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my

backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase

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39 FallWinter 2015 Move

in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever

received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer

trophies in the other

At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude

who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-

thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been

there were two concave smooth-skinned div-

ots She was always smiling I liked watching

how Jude listened

Before long the four of us moved into an

apartment between Portland and Gresham It

was right on the MAX line and right on the city

line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-

landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign

that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block

to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch

my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but

Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the

perfect space for her She said it was easier for

her to know where everything was in a smaller

environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond

than an ocean

One day Jude brought her new boyfriend

home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo

ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said

Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor

and said ldquo White peoplerdquo

I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was

wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what

ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to

a blind person

Red is the rage in your gut

White is the entrapment of the disabled

One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend

and her room became a closet again

We saw her a little and then not at all

Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to

Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally

almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of

my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday

cards and pictures that were inside it

Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-

day cards away

My wife and I began archiving our new fam-

ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with

the rest of them Our sons grew I became an

uncle My grandfather remarried and went

crazy My mother still has the same smile she

had when I was young

Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a

bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple

of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary

There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help

you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear

Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie

each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out

If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads

directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end

points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably

guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock

between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled

and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long

by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of

human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of

the Mayan calendar

In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and

I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of

the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam

When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-

land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else

ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says

one night while wersquore lying in bed

And I do

I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that

had to happen I listen to our breath

In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I

make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My

finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving

And then the line disappears

And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and

falling together

Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the

Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life

Poems and Stories of the Dead

If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between

Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous

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Oregon Humanities40

READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts

One hundred moves and not one of

them associated with the military

a job or being on the run

The Ledger

Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G

through a yard sale I picked up an old

ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-

ance Company of New York A large thin hard-

bound ledger black with a red spine eleven

inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by

insurance agents to track insurers and their

policies all entries written by hand There was

only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty

cents the rest of the pages were blank After

years of treasuring its antiquity but making

no entries of my own I tore the one used page

out and decided to start tracking al l my moves

before my memory lost track I sat down and

recorded all the moves I remembered over one

hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my

parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them

associated with the military a job or being on

the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-

derlust and exploration then relationships

and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad

landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just

being unable as a single parent to bear the rent

and high heating bills Once my oldest son and

I landed in a decent house that could hold us

indefinitely After three months I was drawn to

cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted

to gather them touch them fill their empti-

ness with our lives When I realized what was

going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in

that house for two years then moved to Hawai i

Now the kids are grown the grandkids are

teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos

no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-

foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a

semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided

me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she

said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo

As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot

out of my feet and sink into the ground I was

so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here

three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot

want to move

What have I lea rned th rough al l these

moves Adaptability being and living in the

now and that there is glory in both staying and

moving but it is much easier and cheaper to

stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland

Out of the Nest

I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E

back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze

tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last

time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex

where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs

Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot

stepped inside the apartment for eight months

To do so would risk my life

ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-

tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February

I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following

weekmdashfor six months

Left behind with Michael were our surro-

gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy

and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned

starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier

It was last October when I first developed

symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-

ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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41 FallWinter 2015 Move

This is where the plates layers of crust

crashed into each other in a fiery show

perhaps tens of thousands of years ago

Soon breathing was excruciating I took

shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain

Paralyzing fatigue set in

My endocrinologist suspected chronic

obstructive pulmonary disease which made

little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I

began scouring descriptions of lung conditions

Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity

pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung

Relief and terror flooded in

If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-

monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a

terminal condition in which scarring causes

respiratory failure within three to five years

Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif

caught early But the solution is drastic We

would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-

ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even

be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the

parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would

have a new ending

Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms

lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper

grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-

pice moments before plummeting

Today we are moving the last of our belong-

ings into our first house The kitties and birdies

have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed

While I cannot hold my babies I watch them

on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the

two-way speaker

From rescue feedings to teenage angst to

nighttime vigils during illness in caring for

these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging

from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety

Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey

take their first tentative steps toward flight

Today I learned the most painful lesson let-

ting go

MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene

Subduction Zones

T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK

were on an af ternoon in early Septem-

ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for

the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper

and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our

ankles

Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-

berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend

and is directly responsible for the creation of

Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back

then one that I sometimes imagined looked

like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus

Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of

the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale

their name suggests but the result of plates

shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-

tion led to the formation of the trio This is

where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into

each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-

sands of years ago Subduction zones are places

where great trauma lies

And here I was all these years later in the

shadows of these mountains loss everywhere

Later that day back at our apartment we

walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit

into anymore For more than a year we went

through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern

Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that

followed us Then one day our four-year-old

daughter started a conversation that shook me

ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo

I nodded

ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so

sadrdquo

Six words leapt at me

ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo

We moved back to Ash land where brig ht

red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-

hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot

know it then but we were charting our own

map however imperfect Healing crept up on

us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-

ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew

Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng

up the darkness Seventeen years passed

And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most

folks want to flee helps you see things more

clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in

its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along

VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities42POSTS

continued from previous page

Just to

underscore

how settled we

planned to be

we unpacked

EverythingEven the

heirloom china

which had never

before left its

boxes We were

here to stay

Dance Church

SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I

go to church Dance church A church

where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers

to recite A church where at first glance outsid-

ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon

arriving I see a few little munchkins running

around with oversize neon headphones on to

protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music

set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with

rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors

There are flowers candles pillow puddles

beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some

kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in

alignment with the morningrsquos intention

As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s

become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-

tainer in which I can move once again after

years of chronic freezing and dissociating A

trapped animal released back into the wild

wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom

in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism

evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with

anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our

spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist

The music awakens the holy spirit within

me and dances me through throngs of people

I am an antelope cut loose checking out the

creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns

bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms

Each stunning in their authentic movement I

see people falling in love with each other from

a distance I see a girl rocking four different

Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed

like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands

ldquopracticing dancingrdquo

This is the church of Miriam the biblical

tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of

years later I move here and I am reunited with

my self my best self my most curious mischie-

vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self

Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten

invited back in the room to whip her hair back

and forth I throw my head back in delight and

laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like

hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form

of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music

EMILY I BEDAL Portland

Again

M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R

upwardly mobile engineer That trans-

lated into at least one move per year until I was

eight and another address for high school I

moved every year in college one year twice I

moved three times during my first stint in Bos-

ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-

ment for the whole two years Then it was back

to Boston where I lived in five different homes

in five years

Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for

the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe

two years back East then back to New Mexico

in two different cities three different homes

Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates

what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo

From Albuquerque we moved to our present

home in Port Orford my thirt ieth

Moving has always been exciting cathar-

tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books

by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally

donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-

ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated

magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets

ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit

thatrsquos never happened In each new house

wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos

never worked

We vowed Port Orford would be our final

ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore

how settled we planned to be we unpacked

Everything Even the heirloom china which

had never before left its boxes We were here

to stay

Except it seems wersquore going to have to move

again but not for the exciting futures wersquod

always envisioned before Now we need doctors

and hospitals and a nearby airport for family

visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is

on the other side of adventure Now we need a

place to feel safe secure

So the sorting and throwing out is about to

begin yet again There are closets and drawers

that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to

dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of

booksmdashto give away This move exciting No

way The very thought of it exhausts me

Still those other feelings cathartic freeing

new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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43 FallWinter 2015 Move

Next theme Root

For the Spring 2016 issue tell

us your stories about rooting

around taking root being

uprooted or root-bound getting

to the root of a problem being

the root of the problem rooting

someone on Share stories and

ideas about beginnings origins

and foundations Analyze a

historical or contemporary

grassroots effort Describe

the tension between staying

put and being stuck Send your

submission (400 words maxi-

mum) by February 15 2016 to

postsoregonhumanitiesorg

Submissions may be edited for

space or clarity

Listen to Your Body

I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y

motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease

Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit

and spot-on timing Though she was confined

to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was

still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her

sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-

cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone

have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but

aching joints diminished strength and a fal-

tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back

Those maladies werenrsquot the result of

chronic disease More like lack of exercise At

some point in the past decade or so I developed

an aversion to any fitness routine That choice

has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo

class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community

Center

Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the

center for the past thirty-six years teaches

the dance-infused workout three days a week

Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at

the core of each class She dispenses praise as

we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform

deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements

and she encourages each of us to breathe and

listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably

youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying

ballet seriously By then her versatility as an

actress singer dancer and comedian had been

evident in community theater productions in

the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although

not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few

years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe

continues to lead a full life She can still stand

and press her palms flat to the floor despite

relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip

notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg

and stretch at the barre

A role model for agi ng wit h presence and

dignity Lynn maintains her considerable

charm and elegance and purposely keeps her

body and mind active Like my mother she

is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has

inspired me to accept what my body can do

today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow

Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for

getting up in the morning And by some mea-

sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE

Portland

Over the Hill

I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D

eleven times in three years I worked spring

through fall as a natural history guide in

Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure

where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned

into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply

moved around A lot With each new tempo-

rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked

clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was

nothing

At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the

person who would become my life partner

another seasonal worker We would move from

Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We

lived one magical off-season on a houseboat

on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the

ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught

me I loved wide-open spaces What could be

wider than the Pacific A fter one more season

of guiding I came back to the coast and decided

to stay

I volunteered my way into one steady job

and eventually landed another at the local

college After a few more seasons my partner

came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota

and we bought another together He built a

business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our

hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and

had a child Wersquod officially settled down

The economic hardships of rural living

however are real job opportunities decline

and can no longer support the life wersquove built

The accumulation of years no longer fits into

the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner

took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast

and we lived as a split family The split was tax-

ing though so we decided to make the move

to the city We left the first community of our

adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven

ourselves The only community our daughter

has even known Friends asked me not to go

Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart

still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the

sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes

at the memory of that moon over Tillamook

Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot

nothingmdashitrsquos every thing

NANCY SLAVIN Portland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities44

Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm

LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015

This intertwined story of two

teenage girls and their mothers

is set in New Orleans during

and after Hurricane Katrina

In her debut novel Urbani an

Oregon writer with Southern

roots brings a maternal touch

to the narrative handling trag-

edy with a careful soulfulness

and love This honest yet brutal

story will simultaneously break

and warm your heart

mdashAnnie Kaffen

At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015

Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French

Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the

Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural

French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-

tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans

and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a

snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland

Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015

Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the

Oregon physician and radicalrsquos

extraordinary experiences

from her early years working in

a textile mill in New Bedford

Massachusetts through her

activist years in Oregon includ-

ing a three-year term at San

Quentin State Prison Equi lived

openly as a lesbian beginning in

the 1890s and was one of the

first practicing female doctors

in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and

compassion for others with a

strong personal belief in social

and economic justice

mdashCarole Shel lhart

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4548

45 FallWinter 2015 Move

People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015

This debut collection from

Portland writer Margaret

Malone is filled with brief

bitterly funny stories about the

sort of people who tie them-

selves in knots in their heads

and feel uncomfortable in their

own skin and can never quite

bring themselves to say the

words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point

includes all of us

mdashBen Waterhouse

The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015

Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer

The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with

Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research

for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the

first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of

revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced

a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer

in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he

writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo

mdashMaggie Starr

To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for

Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon

Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205

Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe

Sasquatch Books 2015

Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter

Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt

to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography

in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers

a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden

rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance

sounds smells and much more

mdashBen Waterhouse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4648

Oregon Humanities46

Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson

February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum

1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg

CROPPINGS

Wendy Red Star Untitled

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities programs are

funded by the National Endowment

for the Humanities and the Oregon

Cultural Trust and by contributions from

individuals foundations community

organizations and corporations For

more information about Oregon

Humanities or to learn how you can help

more Oregonians get together share

ideas listen think and grow please

contact us at

921 SW Washington Street Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax

(503) 241-0024

ohmoregonhumanitiesorg

oregonhumanitiesorg

Staff

e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r

Adam Davis

facilitation and tra ining manager

Rachel Bernstein

communicationsprogram associate

Eloise Holland

editorassociate director

Kathleen Holt

development director

Kamla Hurst

program officer

Annie Kaffen

office manager

Mikaela Schey

director of finance and oper ations

Carole Shellhart

development associate

Maggie Starr

communications associate

Ben Waterhouse

program coordinator

Kyle Weismann-Yee

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Board of Directorsch a i r

Sona Karentz Andrews Portland

v ic e ch a i r

Janet Webster Newport

tr e a s u r e r

Jeff Cronn Portland

secretary

Matthew Boulay Salem

Paul Duden Portland

Kimberly Howard Portland

Nels Johnson Portland

Emily Karr Portland

Shannon Mara Bend

Win McCormack Portland

Alberto Moreno Portland

Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego

Ron Paul Portland

Denise Reed Astoria

Chantal Strobel Bend

Dave Weich Portland

Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED

Non-profit Org

US Postage

PAID

Permit No 1274

Portland OR

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities14

Oregon can no longer look in a mirror and see a bleached face

staring back In 1980 the first year the first year the CensusBureau included ldquoHispanicrdquo as a n ethnic category fewer than 7

percent of people in the state identified themselves as anything

other than ldquowhiterdquo Now according to the most recent Census

numbers nearly one quarter identify a s something other than

ldquowhite alonerdquo

The definition of what it means to be an Oregonian has

shifted as the state has seen immigrants from Asia Eastern

Europe and Africa The biggest shift has been in the statersquos

Latino population which has grown five times faster than the

state as a whole According to the Census 125 percent of the

population now identifies as Hi spanic or Latino Several cities

now count Latinos as the majority

One of those cities is Woodburn a Marion County town of

24000 where Alonso Leon now serves as a member of the city

council and where an acceptance of languages other than Eng-

lish has helped the community deal with change ldquoIf you donrsquot

have that you instead have misunderstanding and mispercep-

tions about other peoplerdquo Alonso Leon says ldquoWersquore not sitting

down together often enough as it isrdquo

Oregon has become a state of many languages But a small

effective and (many say) xenophobic group is pushing to put

a measure on the 2016 ballot that would declare English as the

statersquos official language Oregonians will need to decide if fear will divide the state over race ethnicity and how we talk to each

other

JIM LUDWICK SEES A DAY WHEN AMERICANS WILL BE

expected to speak both English and Spanish It worries him

ldquoBeing a bilingual country is breaking down people accord-

ing to where they came from rather than encouraging everyone

to be unitedrdquo Ludwick says ldquoItrsquos a tragedy waiting to happenrdquo

Ludwick a retired pharmaceuticals salesman from McMin-

nville is cofounder of Oregonians for Immigration Reform

which is pushing the Engl ish-only measure Since its found-

ing in 2000 the group has argued that the federal govern-

mentrsquos failure to enforce immigration laws has wreaked havoc

on the country The g roup opposes any government privileges

for undocumented residents including schools and health

care Oregonians for Immigration Reform he says favors the

deportation of anyone the government discovers is living in the

country illegally That includes the estimated 120000 undocu-

mented people living in Oregonmdasha number thatrsquos actually fallen

in recent years ldquoThis country was founded on the rule of lawrdquoLudwick says ldquoWersquore now seeing people openly violating our

immigration laws while try ing to impose new laws on usrdquo

For years Oregonians for Immigration Reform wasnrsquot taken

seriously in Salem or seen as a political threat Its leadersrsquo ten-

dency to broadbrush Latinos leaves many people uncomfort-

able When asked about immigration for example Ludwick

steers the conversation to ldquoillegalsrdquo stealing Social Security

numbers Mexicans run ning drugs a nd undocumented resi-

dents committing other crimes

The Southern Poverty Law Center a Montgomery Ala-

bamandashbased watchdog on issues of discrimination maintains a

nationwide list of ldquonativist extremistrdquo groups it says go beyondadvocating on immigration policy to targeting immigrants

themselves Oregonians for Immigration Reform is one of nine-

teen groups on the organizationrsquos nationwide list

Ludwick says this characterization of his group is unfair ldquoIf

I even question our immigration policies then Irsquom a racistrdquo he

says ldquoThatrsquos not it at all I want the United States to be a great

country that welcomes people from all over as we always have

But itrsquos foolish to think it will be i f we continue with our immi-

gration policiesrdquo

The grouprsquos status as an outsidermdashand its leaderrsquos view of its

place in Oregon politicsmdashchanged in 2014

Oregon once had relatively lax laws when it came to granting

driversrsquo licenses Starting in 2008 the state legislature required

proof of citizenship or legal residency such as a Social Security

number or other papers Latino groups (long courted by the

Democrats who run Salem) spent the next five years pushing

to overturn the law They succeeded in 2013 when lawmakers

established a ldquodriverrsquos cardrdquo for residents who could not prove

they were in the country legally

Oregonians for Immigration Reform fought the new law by

gathering the 58000 signatures needed to put the question on

the November 2014 ballot A ldquoyesrdquo vote would uphold the leg-

islaturersquos actions Backers including some farm groups saidthe measure was practical and compassionate But the mea-

sure became a proxy for frustration about the nationrsquos broken

The definition of what

it means to be anOregonian has shiftedas the state has seenimmigrants from AsiaEastern Europe and Africa The biggest shifthas been in the statersquos

Latino population which has grown fivetimes faster than thestate as a whole

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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15 FallWinter 2015 Move

immigration system and Oregon voters crushed the measure

two to one

The victory Ludwick says shows Oregonians agree with his

grouprsquos views that immigration is out of control and that the gov-

ernment should not be rewarding people who are here illegally

He says much of the country is with his groupmdashand the suc-

cess of Republican presidential candidate Donald Trumprsquos

rhetoric about immigrants is proof When he announced his

candidacy in June 2015 Trump said Mexico was dumping drug

dealers and rapists into the United States ldquoAnd some I assumerdquo

Trump added ldquoare good peoplerdquo

ldquoWhen he did thatrdquo Ludwick says ldquohe shot right up in the

polls He chose to talk about immigration because hersquos a guy who

likes leverage He knows thatrsquos a subject that appeals to regular

Americansrdquo

O R E GO N S A W ITS L A TINO P O P U L A TIO N GR O W A FTE R World War II when the United States opened its borders to bra-

ceros guest workers from Mexico who labored in the fields The

program ended in the mid-1960s but the statersquos farmers were

by then dependent on migrant workers United Farm Workers

(UFW ) leader Cesar Chavez often brought his protests to Ore-

gon denouncing the low wages unsafe conditions and abysmal

housing for many of the statersquos estimated 40000 migrant work-

ers half of whom took seasonal jobs in the Willamette Valley

The UFWrsquos actions sparked backlash against Latinos in

many places but Oregon turned away from a cultural battle In

1971 the Republican-controlled legislature passed a bill to stop

farmworkers from organizing They put intense pressure onthen-Governor Tom McCallmdasha fellow Republican who grew up

in a ranching familymdashto sign it McCall nearly did but protests

and vigils against the bill moved him (as did Chavezrsquos threats of

boycotts) and it troubled him that the state was about to deny

rights and protections for people who came here to work ldquoHellrdquo

McCall said when the bill-signing deadline approached ldquoIrsquom

going to veto that son of a bitchrdquo And he did Over the years

many migrants stopped moving around and settled in the Wil-

lamette Valley and they beckoned others from their home coun-

tries to join them

Teresa Alonso Leonrsquos family was among those who heard the

call Her parents arrived in Oregon without documentation Her

father left their home in Michoacaacuten in early 1980 and moved

to Clackamas where relatives had told him he could find bet-

ter-paying work than he had in Mexico In Oregon her parents

worked at least two jobs at a ti me often seven days a week For

four years her family lived in a ramshackle house in Gervais

without plumbing They used a n outhouse and hauled in buck-

ets of water filled from a garden hose to cook and clean In the

winter the water stored in the buckets indoors froze

Her parents wanted their children to avoid the life they had

as laborers and for Alonso Leon school was transformative She

quickly saw the need to learn Englishmdashher teachers made herrepeat first grade because she struggled with the new language

But she soon caught up and became the familyrsquos translator

during doctorrsquos visits or meetings at her school

ldquoI had to become the spokesperson for the familyrdquo she says

In 1986 Congress passed an immigration amnesty bill that

offered legal residency to 29 million people Not yet a teenager

Alonso Leon represented her parents as they met the require-

ments to earn legal status gathering work histories from past

employers studying US history and demonstrating basic Eng-

lish skills (Her parents earned legal residency that covered

Alonso Leon She became a US citizen in 2013)

Her family eventually moved to Woodburn where she

attended high school before earning her GED through a pro-

gram at the University of Oregon She went on to graduate from

Wester n Ore gon Uni versity and Portland Stat e University

where she earned a masterrsquos degree in public administration

Alonso Leon has spent most of her career looki ng for ways to

make school more avai lable to low-income students or those who

are the first in their families to attend college At Portland Com-munity College she helped develop a program to guide migrant

students in adjusting to their first year in college Today she

runs the state of Oregonrsquos GED program in the Department of

Community Colleges and Workforce Development which each

year helps 1700 students gain their high-school equivalency

Families like hers have worked here for decades paying ta xes

and working to offer their children better lives And Alonso

Leon worries that Oregon will declare its government recog-

nizes only English

ldquoIt sends the message that as a state wersquore denying that peo-

ple should be able to live here and speak their native languagerdquo

Alonso Leon says ldquo It also sends the message t hat i mmigrantsarrive and reject the language thatrsquos spoken here Thatrsquos not the

case People try to learn English because they wa nt to succeedrdquo

Alonso Leonrsquos parents still struggle with English even a fter

three decades in Oregon Mastering the language she says often

requires education and trainingmdashsomething that her parents

and many other immigra nts have lacked

ldquoMy parents worked two or three jobs at a time at low wages

all these yearsrdquo she says ldquoYou can say to my parents lsquoWhy have

you not done a better job of learning Englishrsquo The answer is

they spent all their time making sure their children were fed

and clothedrdquo

THE MEASUR E SUPPORTED BY OREGONIANS FOR IMMI-

gration Reform would if passed by voters require state and

local governments to conduct business in English Oregon

law already requires that in many cases even though Oregon

is one of nineteen states without a blanket official-language

declaration

But the Oregon measure could go beyond what other states

impose its language suggests that (with some exceptions) it

could become illegal for government agencies to provide com-

munications with the public in languages besides Englishmdash

despite the fact that 15 percent of Oregonians speak a languageother than English at home Portland Public Schools for exam-

ple prints materials for parents in several languagesmdasha practice

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities16

Ludwick says is a waste of money

Ludwick recalls an illustration he saw in a social studies text-

book he had in high school ldquoIt was of this giant cooking potrdquo

he says ldquoPeople from all over the world are jumping inmdashpeople

with sombreros and so on And in the picture Uncle Sam is stir-

ring itmdashstirring the pot the melting pot And the people who had

jumped in earlier are now climbing out dressed like Americans

They had coats and ties onrdquo

ldquoThe point isrdquo he says ldquoit was about assimilation It used to

be you come to America to become an American Not a Hispanic

American New immigrants today donrsquot want to be assimilated

They want to divide themselves off from us while imposing their

cultural beliefs on usrdquo

The threat Ludwick sees is about more than language Itrsquos

about influence and powermdashless about reforming immigration

laws than it is about forcing a cultural norm on Oregonrsquos immi-

grants His grouprsquos attention to Latinos in particular is basedin sheer numbersmdash40 percent of immigrants in Oregon were

born in Mexicomdashbut also on the success of organi zations such

as Causa Oregon to push a political agenda These groups have

had some victories including a 2013 law allowing college tuition

grants for undocumented students who attended Oregon high

schools But the doors of power have not been knocked open

The state has seen only one Latino elected official statewide

(former state schools superintendent Susan Castillo) and only

a handf ul of legislators

What Oregonians for Immigration Reform plays on is fearmdash

the fear of a non-Latino majority losing influence and facing

discrimination for not speaking Spanish In its troubled his-tory Oregon has turned on the ldquootherrdquo foreigners blacks any

faceless group accused of stealing something from the rest of us

including jobs culture andmdashnowmdashlanguage

The last thing Oregon needs is another dark chapter of rac-

ism disguised as nationalistic duty What the state could use

instead is a moment of illumination and courage

Itrsquos happened before in another context A half century ago

Oregon set out to protect its farms and forests by carefully plan-

ning for the rapid population growth that was coming Its lead-

ers (primari ly Governor Tom McCall) engaged in a long often

rending discussion about the need for land-use laws Invective

followedmdashfoes called Oregon a communist state and voters in

many parts of the state would still erase land-use laws from the

books in a hea rtbeat given the chance But it took someone with

guts to cha llenge hardened beliefs and prepare Oregon for the

future

Itrsquos time for another conversation this one about the chang-

ing face of the state Oregonrsquos long history with a whites-only

club running things is ending Imagine seeing a leader in Oregon

brave enough to embrace that futuremdashespecially now that the

nationrsquos political debate is oozing anti-immigrant poison

A future Oregon leader who gets up the nerve to t alk about

the value of a more diverse Oregonmdashand the need to account

for itmdashneed look no further than Woodburn a city that thirty

years ago no one would predict would be a model for cultural

tolerance The town struggled with change as Latino and Rus-

sian immigrants came to the area Today Woodburn proudly

talks of its ldquoLittle Mexicordquo business district The school district

has seen enormous success in graduating students from high

school in large part because of its bilingual approach in theclassroom The city routinely sends out information about the

library parks and water bills in English and Spanish And the

cityrsquos website has a button that allows visitors to translate its

pages into thirty-six lang uages

Alonso Leon says that despite Woodburnrsquos progress the city

has a lot of ground to gain when it comes to making itself open

to everyone She says the city council rarely sees members of the

Latino community appear before it and that the only Spanish

speakers who attend meetings on a regular basis are usually her

parents who like to watch her in action She says the city has

formed a committee to find ways Woodburn can knock down

cultural and language barriers that keep non-English speakersfrom believing they have a role in civic debates

ldquoWe need to do more to make ourselves inviting and avail-

ablerdquo she says ldquoTelling people only English is acceptable in

government runs against the idea that everyone has the right

to be heardrdquo

Alonso Leon won an appointment to city council in 2013 and

must run for her seat this year if she wa nts to keep it Shersquos never

sought public office before and she could appear on the same

election ballot as Trump and the Oregonians for Immigration

Reform measuremdashan irony that isnrsquot lost on her

Alonso Leon expects a campaign wil l test her Shersquod be the

third Latino elected to the council (shersquos the only one serving

there now) and she says she has never been afraid to tell her story

ldquoIf people are asking questions and scrutinizing who I am

that means theyrsquore considering me or someone like merdquo she

says ldquoAnd that in itself is progressrdquo

Brent Walth has been an Oregon journalist since 1984 Hersquos

the former managing editor at Willamette Week and senior

investigative reporter for the Oregonian and author of Fire at

Edenrsquos Gate a biography of Oregon Governor Tom McCall

Hersquos now an assistant professor in the University of Oregon

School of Journalism and Communication

The threat Ludwicksees is about more thanlanguage Itrsquos about

influence and power

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17 FallWinter 2015 Move

Communityin Flux

A long-persecuted people begins to speak out

I N P O R T L A N D T H E C H R I S T M A S O F 1 9 4 4 W A S B I T -

terly cold and blanketed in white It snowed for days and

stayed close to freezing as the New Year approached But Port-

landers were distracted from the unusually cruel weather by

news that Portland Mayor Earl Riley was forcing dozens of

Roma out of the citymdashand by God it was about time the news-papers crowed Although many members of the local Kalderash

community of Roma had been working in the Kaiser shipyard

factories for the US war effort elected officials law enforce-

ment and the media fell over themselves to justify r unning the

Roma out of town

The Oregon Journal reported that encouraged by police the

Romamdashdescribed as ldquothe gaily dressed wanderersrdquomdashasked for

assistance to return to Texas and New Mexico because Portland

was ldquotoo coldrdquo for them Mayor R iley p ersuaded the US Of fice

of Price Administration (OPA) the federal bureau in charge of

rationing to issue special gas rations to the Roma so they could

make the drive south

The Oregonian considered this a ldquonotable featrdquo by the mayor

not only because the OPArsquos rationing of items like gas rubber

sugar and butter was so strict but also because Riley was ldquogetting

rid of at least half the gy psies [who] have been afflicting the cityrdquo

ldquoWe are right proud of our mayorrdquo the paper wrote

This was the same Mayor Riley who is purported to be one of

the most corrupt mayors in Portlandrsquos history Though his office

accused the Roma of using fortune-telling as a front for prostitu-

tion Riley allegedly kept a special safe in City Hall just for the

bribes he collected from these same types of criminal opera-

tions He was neither indicted nor punished despite criticism bythe City Club of Portland instead he amassed a fortune in ille-

gal enterprises over his lifetime Meanwhile the Roma families

LISA LOVING

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Oregon Humanities18

A detective and two policemen

escort two arrested Romani women

from the paddy wagon into the

Police Headquarters building at SW

2nd amp Oak in 1951

in Portland barely got by sometimes using abandoned storefronts as homes

Carol Silvermanmdasha professor of cultural anthropology and folklore at the

University of Oregon who has studied worked with and advocated for Roma

locally and around the world for almost forty yearsmdashsays the group of Roma in

Portland who came to work in the shipyards during the war were turned upon

when the war was over ldquoJust like Rosie the Riveter when women no longer were

needed for welding and [were told they] should go back to the homerdquo Silverman

says ldquoit was perceived that this group of Roma was no longer needed in the cityPerceived as foreign outsiders dangerous [they were] given these gas rations to

drive out of staterdquo

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19 FallWinter 2015 Move

COURTESY THOMAS ROBINSON

Roma in America today are a community in flux Families

still identify their lineages through distinct ethnic communi-

ties sometimes called tribes including the Sinti Romanichal

and Kalderash and these communities tend to blend in with

the mainstream In the Northwest a look through local busi-

ness listings will not reveal any obvious groups or organiza-

tions serving them except a handful of very tight-knit Christian

churches Most Kalderash would prefer to live under the radar

says Silverman for a compelling historical reason almost

everywhere theyrsquove gone Roma people have been oppressed by

both government and society

Originally from India Roma communities are traditionally

nomadic From the fourteenth century until the Romanian

emancipation of 1864 Roma were enslaved and traded by the

local nobility in a large area of southern Romania including

Walachia and Moldovia with the support of church institutions

Roma moved to the Northwest in the largest numbers after1864 with Kalderash families settling in the area between 1880

and 1920 Silverman says ldquoFrom the first time they came to

America there were rules regulating where Roma could live and

where they could settle and even the kind of work they could do

Many cities had anti-fortune-telling edicts fortune-telling poli-

cies on the books Some cities actually still have themrdquo

Accused of being naturally inferior and prone to crime Roma

people in the Northwest have been targeted and harassed by

local law enforcement and negatively depicted in the media In

1906 the Oregonian wrote ldquoThe police allege that the gypsies

have such a penchant for stealing everything that is not nai led

down that it is necessary always to lsquokeep an eye on themrsquordquo Andthe Ashland Daily Tidings in 1916 wrote ldquoTrue to their inborn

instincts the horde of gypsies which passed through Ashland

last Sunday failed to get out of t he country without committing

a serious depredationrdquo

No scholar has studied discrimination against the Roma as

fully as Ian Hancock a University of Texas at Austin professor of

linguistics English and Asian studies who laid out his findings

in a 2007 research paper He writes that despite five special US

Congressional sessions addressing the increase in anti-Romani

hate crimes in Europe and the correlative increase in Romani

asylum seekers to the United States ldquoThere nevertheless remain

laws on the books in various states and counties that continue

to operate against Gypsies Many of these laws a list of which

fills thirty-four pages were inherited from Europe and were

intended to be used against the earlier Gypsy populations in the

United States they have since found new application against

the more recently arrived and more v isible Eastern European

Roma escaping the post-Communist increase in racial violence

in that region many of whom are seeking political asylum hererdquo

But despite the hostility they have traditionally faced

Romani people have also historically been linchpins of their

local economies Silverman says Roma in Europe worked in

metalcraft which t hey applied in the United States to recopperand re-tin household items at the turn of the century ldquoUntil the

1950s before stainless steel in order to have a working kitchen

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Oregon Humanities20

Most Americanshave no idea

that their owngovernment waspersecuting Romapeople at thesame time Romain Europe werebeing murdered inthe Holocaust

you had to have your pots and pans redonerdquo Silverman says ldquoThis was a real

Romani skillrdquo

This skill in metalwork was perfect for the emerging car industry in 1920s

and rsquo30s America ldquoRoma did this kind of service for many many Northwest

Americans and then eventua lly they got i nto t he car sales businessrdquo Silver-

man says The Romarsquos family-based car repair operations competed directly

with corporate auto repair shops offering an alternative to high-dollar services

with the personal attention of a family business So by World War II not only

was Mayor Riley rsquos expulsion of Roma families cruel but it also likely damaged

the local economy

Most Americans have no idea that their own government was persecut-

ing Roma people at the same time Roma in Europe were being murdered in

the Holocaust The Nazis killed an estimated 220000 to 500000 Roma men

women and childrenmdashperhaps 25 percent of the European Roma populationmdash

between 1935 and 1945 Morgan Ahern a SintiRomanichal Roma and founder

of Seattle-based organization Lolo Diklo Romani Against Racism believes

the number of Roma killed may be as high as 15 million ldquoMany [were killed] inconcentration campsrdquo she says ldquobut many more [were] just shot on the roadrdquo

Silverman agrees that the effect of the Holocaustmdashknown to some Roma as

the Porraimos or ldquothe devouringrdquomdashon the Roma has been ldquoa footnote in most

textbooksrdquo and is only starti ng to be examined in Holocaust museums because

of lobbying by Roma and their allies

Also overlooked in the history of Roma in the United States generations of

Roma children taken from their parents and warehoused in foster care systems

because of lifestyle differences and some families say racism Ahern was one

of those children removed from her family and put into foster care after her

parents were deemed unfit to ta ke care of her because they were Romani and

nomadic

Even today many Romani individuals and families lack birth certificatesand marriage certificates making them vulnerable to government officialsrsquo

whims Silverma n says ldquoThings like being fingerprinted havi ng a birth certifi-

cate might mean that your children are going to be taken away These historic

memories are very very very much alive for Romardquo

After generations of abuse a modest tide of Roma are beginning to speak out

about their civil rights and demand fair t reatment including fair accommoda-

tions in trying to obtain legal documentation for family members who were

born in the United States Silverman who is on the board of the nonprofit Voice

of Roma says she was involved in a c ase in Portland in which it was argued that

oral testimony in a birth is equivalent to a birth certificate ldquoWhen people bear

witness to a marriagerdquo Silverman says ldquoit doesnrsquot matter if therersquos no marriage

certificate It could be issued based on hindsight on memoryrdquo

For a community that has for generations avoided keeping their money in

bank accounts and sending their children to public schools social isolation is

giving way to an emerging movement for empowerment

On the East Coast Kalderash filmmaker George Eli produces films about

his family and is currently building a media channel on Roma And at the

University of Texas Hancock who is Romanichal Roma has spent decades

building the Program of Romani Studies and the Romani Arch ives and Docu-

mentation Center

Ahern founded Lolo Diklo which means ldquored scarfrdquo in 1986 along w ith a

fellow teacher at Seattle Central College The grouprsquos purpose is to document

discrimination and persecution of Romani Ahernrsquos fatherrsquos Romanichal fam-ily have lived in the United States since the 1700s and were originally sent from

Ireland by the British government as slaves Her motherrsquos family were Sinti who

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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21 FallWinter 2015 Move

No documentsor oral histories

exist showingwhat happened tothe Roma familiesforced out ofPortland in 1944

arrived in the United States in the late 1930s

fleeing the climate in Germany Her maternal

grandmother pretended to be Italian to get into

the country

Over the years Ahern has traveled through-

out the West Coast lecturing about Roma cul-ture and civil rights She works with Romani

organizations across the United States South

America Canada Europe and Spain

Silverman adds that over the past twenty

years many American Roma have become

born-again Christians establishing their own

churches or joining evangelical congregations

Some of these church leaders are emerging as

community spokespeoplemdashsomething very

new for a community that has been persecuted

for so long ldquoThere are Roma who donrsquot want

to be left alone anymore because they are at a

disadvantage when they are left alonerdquo Silver-

man says ldquoThey are being very brave to actu-

ally interact with t he US court systemrdquo

But despite these efforts even today the dis-

crimination that Roma face by revealing their

heritage remains very real ldquoIn their historical

memory interacting with American institu-

tions has often resulted in a form of marginal-

izationrdquo Silverman says

For example Silverman describes ethnic

profiling by police bureaus through what wereknown as ldquobunco squadsrdquo police bureaus in

the South that had ldquoGypsy unitsrdquo to focus on

ldquoGypsy crimerdquo She says ldquoThis is ethnic profiling of crime

assuming that all Roma commit a certain kind of crime and

certain ki nds of crimes are only committed by Romardquo

The racial profiling of Roma people doesnrsquot stop with law

enforcement it is a staple of local news The language used

in Pacific Northwest news coverage in the past ten years to

describe alleged offenders has hardly changed from what was

writ ten in newspapers in the early 1900s

In 2007 a ldquoNight Cabbierdquo column in Willamette Week

sparked outrage ldquoThe Gypsies apparently are no jokerdquo the

unidentified cab driverwriter penned about the apparent rav-

ings of a customer ldquoDespite what we may think she explains to

us that real Gypsies arenrsquot nomadic livestock thieves but in fact

have been living in her neighborhood for decades And theyrsquore

very bad neighborsrdquo

ldquoThis is racist nonsenserdquo a reader responded ldquoInexcusable

for a serious newspaper to print such offensive content about areal livi ng breathing person in the neighborhood on account of

one of his neighbors For all we know this bigoted fool is the bad

neighborrdquo

No documents or oral histories exist showing what happened

to the Roma families forced out of Portland in 1944 Did they

stay in Texas Did they return to the Northwest Did they find

safety Or were they forced on toward some other location And

most important how in the Information Age is it possible that

the Roma experience has been all but forgotten by the main-

stream of society

Silverman holds out hope that organizations such as Voice of

Roma and Lolo Diklo can help Roma keep from getting caught inunfriendly bureaucratic systems as well as provide an opening

for more outreach and understanding The Portland Romani

Festival a one-day celebration featuring food music and infor-

mation on human rights issues affecting Roma people is ten-

tatively scheduled for late spring 2016 The Festival Romani

Facebook page is a fountain of music and cu ltural events par-

ticularly music performances up and down the West Coast

ldquoI think people should become knowledgeable about Romani

history and discrimination in order to combat itrdquo Silverman

says ldquoIt seems to me that while wersquore talking about ethnic a nd

racial diversity we can no longer eliminate a large group that

has suffered prejudice for so many years and continues to suffer

prejudicerdquo

Thanks to Fair Housing Council of Oregon for sharing this

story with Oregon Humanities through its history bus tour

Lisa Loving has reported on civil rights and diversity in

Oregon for more than fifteen years She is a news and

public affairs producer at KBOO Community Radio 907

FM in Portland and the former news editor of the award-

winning African American community newspaper the

Skanner Her new book How to Be a Citizen Journalist will

be released in 2017 by Microcosm Publishing

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Oregon Humanities22

Like all places Oregon has a brand an identity that distinguishes

it from other places This identity is a pastiche of characteris-

ticsmdashenvironmental and agricultural urban and rural intrepid and

entrepreneurialmdashthat become a kind of shorthand that rightly or

wrongly insiders and outsiders read to understand what this state

and its people collectively value But how much do we the resi-

dents of this place really know about the systems behind these

things that seem to represent our identity

On the pages that follow we look more closely at just four ofthese cultural identifiers and how they move through their individ-

ual systems coho salmon up the Columbia River past historical

sites trash recyclables reusables and compost from Portland to

other parts of the state and the world bicycles buses and cars

up a busy corridor through a rapidly changing neighborhood and

ideas measures and laws through what is sometimes called the

Oregon System

Thanks to sources at the Confluence Project Death with Dignity Friends of the Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge Heiberg Garbage and

Recycling Metro MIG Northwest Power and Conservation Council Ofce of the Secretary of State Oregon History Project Oregon Legis -

lature Portland Bureau of Transportation TriMet and US Forest Servicersquos Pacific Northwest Research Station for their help with this story

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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23 FallWinter 2015 Move

Salmon up the Columbia RiverAFTER SPENDING sixteen to twenty months at sea a coho

salmon begins her journey up the Columbia and Sandy Rivers

back to her natal spawning grounds This amazing biological phe-

nomenon is also rich with cultural significance and the landmarks

she passes upstream mark the politics and history of her species

1 Salmon were central to the Chinook that once inhabited villages

along the lower Columbia and seining was the most important

method used to catch the fish As runs declined in the early twen-

tieth century white fishermen drove the Chinook off Sand Island

and Peacock Spit two of the most productive seining areas in

the estuary Seining was prohibited by Washington in 1934 and

Oregon in 1948

2 On March 16 1806 Meriwether Lewis drew and described a fish

brought to him at Fort Clatsop ldquoThe white Salmon Trout has

now made itrsquos appearance in the creeks near this place one of

them was brought us today by an Indian who had just taken it with

his gig this is a likness of itrdquo The fish was later classified as coho

salmon Oncorhynchus kisutch

3 In 1866 the brothers George W and William Hume and Andrew

S Hapgood established a salmon cannery at Eagle Cliff

Washington packing 4000 cases their first year In 1895 up to

50 Columbia canneries produced 635000 cases of salmon But

by 1977 the pack was just 2547 cases The last major cannery

on the Columbia closed in 1980

4 On November 5 1805 Lewis and Clark recorded a visit to the

ldquoQuathapotle Nationrdquo one of the largest Chinookan villages the

expedition encountered Today Cathlapotle is an archeological site

and the home of a modern plankhouse which serves as an outdoor

classroom and is used by the Chinook Indian Nation

5 In 2008 Maya Linrsquos sculpture Bird Blind was dedicated The blind

lists 134 plants documented by Lewis and Clark along with one

word on their status today thriving threatened endangered or

extinct Coho are listed as threatened today

6 In 2007 the Marmot Dam part of Portland General Electric hydro-

electric project in the Sandy River basin was removed due to

pressure from conservation groups and rising management costs

Built in 1913 by Portland Railway Light and Power Company the

dam provided hydroelectric power to Portland Today salmon navi-gate a free-flowing river mdashTRM

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities24

1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every

other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-

cling one of a number of independent haulers

in the Metro region grind their gears uphill

traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food

scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-

board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue

recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in

the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green

roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-

egory recycling compost and yard waste and

garbage

2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly

either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-

gon Recycling System past the airport in East

Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery

facilities (there are a handful in the region)

which then sell the materials based on demand

in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others

in foreign countries such as China

3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable

waste the other trucks head to Metro Central

Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro

South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-

tions in the region Last year almost a half a

million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos

two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins

other company haulers contractors with con-

struction waste and residential customers with

miscellaneous items not picked up through

home collection service At the transfer station

the sorting process begins

4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature

Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-

ogy Organics outside of North Plains about

twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about

twelve miles north of Corvallis

5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household

items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material

in roads

6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader

then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time

is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer

stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a

three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty

no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush

plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo

According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the

garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material

The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is

often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per

minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to

an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the

plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity

powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM

Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland

Waste fromSouthwestPortland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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25 FallWinter 2015 Move

1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in

winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period

in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a

twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source

TriMet)

HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make

every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-

tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed

Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-

age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo

In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin

Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the

new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue

represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even

signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from

the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles

per hour depending on the time of day

The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars

buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic

signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and

emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one

hundred intersections throughout Portland

Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North

Williams today reflects a different wave of development and

demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share

the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to

bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes

to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density

residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG

Traffic on North Williams Avenue

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities26

Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect

changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-

erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed

law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or

rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already

passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a

referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather

than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-

ers approved this system in 1902

This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an

initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on

a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided

driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal

documentation of US citizenship status

1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three

ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)

Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text

of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall

issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to

provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)

2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-

tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)

3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of

Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative

petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State

Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal

Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)

4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is

certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults

to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88

58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold

of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to

qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-

ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without

requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to

Dec 2013)

5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88

Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor

Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)

6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51

to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails

666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-

croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered

by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed

lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move

(2003)

7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block

saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-

zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the

case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor

General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the

practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The

US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide

law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG

Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer

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27 FallWinter 2015 Move

SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137

983158983151983145983139983141

N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -

room closet I came across a box of old family photographs

I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color

photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-

ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five

standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie

primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos

hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-

tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against

the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But

the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a

frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat

in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple

of the Sun

A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -

graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one

end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both

L A I L A L A L A M I

Al-Mursquoallaqat

The GoldenOdes of Love

J E N W I C K S T U D I O

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Oregon Humanities28

of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels

science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-

raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to

love books so much perhaps books provided them an education

about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing

from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches

that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-

ing the reign of King Hassan

It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned

to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed

copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from

friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about

whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-

drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new

offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte

which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne

Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others

Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les

petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why

the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion

Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which

the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to

either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan

tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three

Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords

and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo

Of course none of the characters in these books looked or

spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly

all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan

bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their

homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my

own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they

had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary

world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an

alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define

normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like

my country my imagination had been colonized

I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly

the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-

acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the

fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled

my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high

school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes

where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-

yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as

well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father

said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it

was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted

D RISS C H RAI BI

LA

CI VI LISA TIO N

MA M E R E

PAR

ALEXANDRE DUMAS

Taha Hussein

THE

DA YS

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29 FallWinter 2015 Move

When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same

school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum

el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine

At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were

taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled

with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still

the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-

language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from

the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi

al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the

Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese

Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-

moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some

of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved

each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a

classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-

els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan

authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-

tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren

It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read

adult literature on my own and independently from school that

I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-

ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos

La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a

sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin

Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book

that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment

of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read

lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was

as fertile ground for fiction as any other

And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature

nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in

French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after

all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-

latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss

Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was

ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a

particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made

it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I

was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train

in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco

medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-

ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my

hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat

or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-

matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely

be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study

linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in

a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in

an analytica l way

Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in

Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship

to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait

I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and

racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School

of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work

of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went

back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how

often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes

Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in

our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in

formal soireacutees French was de rigueur

Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-

guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles

and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in

English which made me think even more about the relationship

between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a

prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power

an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people

The education I had received had emphasized the importance

of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our

media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the

shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed

in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored

by the French government for free access to books The role of

Every time I went back

to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much

and how often we moved

between French and

Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not

went through life

switching between codes

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Oregon Humanities30

French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a

cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no

longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case

of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should

not be writing at all

I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish

after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried

to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of

me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that

stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have

immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the

native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow

me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred

to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic

languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought

Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my

days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use

English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the

linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh

perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a

child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-

gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the

same story

I have always written because I have always had the urge to

tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided

that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-

thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my

race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-

larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while

the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and

waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had

enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos

phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-

rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat

seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of

others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the

works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s

such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in

the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and

sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing

graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had

always told stories but now I wanted to be heard

This essay was first published in World Literature Today

Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami

Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The

Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The

Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy

Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for

Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016

Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16

and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for

more information and to buy tickets

Writing in French came

at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial

baggage that I no longer

wanted to carry I started

to suffer from a peculiar

case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic

perhaps I should not be

writing at all

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31 FallWinter 2015 Move

A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good

LORETTA STINSON

I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M

every day after work waiting for Bruce to

get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching

myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me

sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on

from a distance at whatever is happening to

me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie

and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-

kick of the star or I play a supporting role but

I am definitely not the star of this movie The

moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom

just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been

able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed

freak for fifteen years

Sun through the small rectangular win-

dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats

wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in

1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from

the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom

watchi ng my past present a nd future selves

do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental

after another waiting for the next bad thing

to happen and not getting out of the way even

when I see it coming The habit of living in con-

stant fear and the resignation that nothing can

ever change are the glue that holds me in place

This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting

on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on

Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on

hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the

future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who

can only be counted on not to be counted on

In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses

and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about

J U L I A N N A B R I O N

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Oregon Humanities32

detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot

change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-

ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what

the old-timers were saying Needless to say

I didnrsquot

Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go

home and try some new strategy to make Bruce

quit using I once read a book about how sugar

was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding

him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein

diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck

them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat

and beer is a very filling meal in itself When

he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put

in front of him but speed and alcohol are his

drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-

ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never

remembers what he does to me and since he

doesnrsquot remember I have to forget

It be what it be Bruce says about all things

unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color

electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it

be Today I see things clearly for the first time

Today I see myself on this couch waiting for

someone else to do the changing Today I see

that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be

my life until the day he kills me or he dies or

I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been

disappointed too many times Addiction his to

drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove

been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot

see my part until now

My only friend has been telling me for

months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I

have left many times for a day or a week but

Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop

drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs

to me for the first time that this is absurd and a

huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe

itrsquos me who needs to change and not because

that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction

is his business

Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll

be wasted because it was payday and most of

his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-

ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood

alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or

hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how

those will interact with his mood the kind of

day he had and if hersquos eaten

None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for

such a long time that I could Like every person

who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that

if I did all the right things I would figure out a

way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on

his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine

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33 FallWinter 2015 Move

I worked like some kind of crazy statistician

making up story problems to predict what he

might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job

and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without

eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito

at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos

left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going

to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-

ing home mistakes his second wife for his first

wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out

Please show your work

I have never been able to figure out the rec-

ipe for equilibrium His or mine

Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce

comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not

wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face

slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat

the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says

Itrsquos not really a question but I answer

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him

clearly for the first time I see his addiction in

action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have

nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest

thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can

do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look

at him for too long when hersquos been drinking

kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash

you just back away slowly and try not to piss

him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows

too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how

little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs

to believe because he has to be mad at some-

one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom

just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by

the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about

nothing that it was never my face that pissed

him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He

needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave

to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do

no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a

revelation

He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you

looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on

the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-

spread that covers its stained sagging cush-

ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier

mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore

afraid when hersquos like this and they should be

Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that

hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what

if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already

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Oregon Humanities34

dead or at least not living just existing on the

edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story

Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom

suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am

afraid of being killed

I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to

make a home The china teacups that I str ung

together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks

in the window like a mobile The plants my

booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the

sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the

bed my dad and I refinished before I left home

The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday

The fifteen years of history we have together

one year short of half my life tonight not all of

it bad He is no monster just a man struggling

wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to

face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo

He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo

He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo

Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He

screams them at me knowing how in the past

these are the very words that made me cling to

him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go

Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but

this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest

the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about

his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does

Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom

seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man

Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried

to help for his own good right This man Irsquove

tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody

made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when

I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself

Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the

usual responseI know three things tonight Number one

If I stay this will be my life until I die Number

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities36

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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37 FallWinter 2015 Move

M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN

he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline

somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and

believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he

turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean

for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees

in rows

My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home

at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York

City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for

rows of buildings

ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says

In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark

skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the

Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n

My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I

met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo

My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too

often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance

of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He

was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister

a year later

My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my

father a suit They seem happy in the picture

Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put

half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband

My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years

My grandmother died

All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a

life rocked with waves

P A I G E

V I C K E R S

JASON ARI AS

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Oregon Humanities38

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have

let that slip through thecracksrdquo

My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes

My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why

Grandma was hiding

Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here

To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-

vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where

we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We

have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo

I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened

My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next

closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed

a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time

tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the

process

Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends

Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his

giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist

until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again

We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in

the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-

ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-

lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be

Ama zons)

The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door

I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour

feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean

ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said

We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not

about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same

ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As

kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon

I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower

water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the

high tide after being beached again and again

One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom

decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia

One of my new Olympian friends flicked a

match that started a fire inside my mattress I

tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking

Mom came home and we put the burning

bed outside

This isnrsquot a metaphor

I slept on the floor of my bedroom that

night missing the ocean of Grayland while my

mom and sister shared their bed in the room

next to mine The next morning my mattress

was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-

ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a

popular song on the radio at the time One of us

would start singing the lyrics

How can we dance when our earth is turning

and then wersquod all join in

How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh

But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame

Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-

land That no matter how many times we

were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty

porous flotation device on which to try to

reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe

even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the

way we did as something gia nt and limit less

something to be feared and conquered some-

thing to be moved by

In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a

flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called

my name and the light receded back down the

hall disappearing into the living room and

slipping out the front door

We discovered that the flickering light had

left wax shapes on the carpet of our living

room that could have been bad pentagrams or

the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It

left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot

take any money It left us wondering if some

past boyfriend had found us somehow

Whi le we were out the next day somebody

hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment

door Mom winced at the divots denting the

wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing

mechanism once was with her hand

We left the dishes in the sink

We left no forwarding address

We boarded a bus

Two days later we were on the doorstep of

the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with

a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my

backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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39 FallWinter 2015 Move

in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever

received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer

trophies in the other

At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude

who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-

thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been

there were two concave smooth-skinned div-

ots She was always smiling I liked watching

how Jude listened

Before long the four of us moved into an

apartment between Portland and Gresham It

was right on the MAX line and right on the city

line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-

landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign

that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block

to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch

my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but

Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the

perfect space for her She said it was easier for

her to know where everything was in a smaller

environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond

than an ocean

One day Jude brought her new boyfriend

home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo

ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said

Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor

and said ldquo White peoplerdquo

I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was

wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what

ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to

a blind person

Red is the rage in your gut

White is the entrapment of the disabled

One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend

and her room became a closet again

We saw her a little and then not at all

Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to

Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally

almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of

my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday

cards and pictures that were inside it

Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-

day cards away

My wife and I began archiving our new fam-

ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with

the rest of them Our sons grew I became an

uncle My grandfather remarried and went

crazy My mother still has the same smile she

had when I was young

Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a

bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple

of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary

There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help

you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear

Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie

each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out

If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads

directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end

points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably

guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock

between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled

and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long

by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of

human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of

the Mayan calendar

In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and

I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of

the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam

When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-

land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else

ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says

one night while wersquore lying in bed

And I do

I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that

had to happen I listen to our breath

In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I

make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My

finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving

And then the line disappears

And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and

falling together

Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the

Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life

Poems and Stories of the Dead

If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between

Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities40

READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts

One hundred moves and not one of

them associated with the military

a job or being on the run

The Ledger

Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G

through a yard sale I picked up an old

ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-

ance Company of New York A large thin hard-

bound ledger black with a red spine eleven

inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by

insurance agents to track insurers and their

policies all entries written by hand There was

only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty

cents the rest of the pages were blank After

years of treasuring its antiquity but making

no entries of my own I tore the one used page

out and decided to start tracking al l my moves

before my memory lost track I sat down and

recorded all the moves I remembered over one

hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my

parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them

associated with the military a job or being on

the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-

derlust and exploration then relationships

and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad

landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just

being unable as a single parent to bear the rent

and high heating bills Once my oldest son and

I landed in a decent house that could hold us

indefinitely After three months I was drawn to

cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted

to gather them touch them fill their empti-

ness with our lives When I realized what was

going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in

that house for two years then moved to Hawai i

Now the kids are grown the grandkids are

teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos

no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-

foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a

semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided

me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she

said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo

As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot

out of my feet and sink into the ground I was

so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here

three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot

want to move

What have I lea rned th rough al l these

moves Adaptability being and living in the

now and that there is glory in both staying and

moving but it is much easier and cheaper to

stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland

Out of the Nest

I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E

back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze

tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last

time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex

where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs

Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot

stepped inside the apartment for eight months

To do so would risk my life

ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-

tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February

I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following

weekmdashfor six months

Left behind with Michael were our surro-

gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy

and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned

starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier

It was last October when I first developed

symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-

ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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41 FallWinter 2015 Move

This is where the plates layers of crust

crashed into each other in a fiery show

perhaps tens of thousands of years ago

Soon breathing was excruciating I took

shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain

Paralyzing fatigue set in

My endocrinologist suspected chronic

obstructive pulmonary disease which made

little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I

began scouring descriptions of lung conditions

Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity

pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung

Relief and terror flooded in

If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-

monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a

terminal condition in which scarring causes

respiratory failure within three to five years

Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif

caught early But the solution is drastic We

would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-

ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even

be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the

parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would

have a new ending

Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms

lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper

grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-

pice moments before plummeting

Today we are moving the last of our belong-

ings into our first house The kitties and birdies

have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed

While I cannot hold my babies I watch them

on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the

two-way speaker

From rescue feedings to teenage angst to

nighttime vigils during illness in caring for

these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging

from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety

Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey

take their first tentative steps toward flight

Today I learned the most painful lesson let-

ting go

MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene

Subduction Zones

T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK

were on an af ternoon in early Septem-

ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for

the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper

and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our

ankles

Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-

berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend

and is directly responsible for the creation of

Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back

then one that I sometimes imagined looked

like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus

Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of

the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale

their name suggests but the result of plates

shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-

tion led to the formation of the trio This is

where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into

each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-

sands of years ago Subduction zones are places

where great trauma lies

And here I was all these years later in the

shadows of these mountains loss everywhere

Later that day back at our apartment we

walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit

into anymore For more than a year we went

through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern

Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that

followed us Then one day our four-year-old

daughter started a conversation that shook me

ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo

I nodded

ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so

sadrdquo

Six words leapt at me

ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo

We moved back to Ash land where brig ht

red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-

hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot

know it then but we were charting our own

map however imperfect Healing crept up on

us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-

ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew

Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng

up the darkness Seventeen years passed

And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most

folks want to flee helps you see things more

clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in

its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along

VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland

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Oregon Humanities42POSTS

continued from previous page

Just to

underscore

how settled we

planned to be

we unpacked

EverythingEven the

heirloom china

which had never

before left its

boxes We were

here to stay

Dance Church

SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I

go to church Dance church A church

where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers

to recite A church where at first glance outsid-

ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon

arriving I see a few little munchkins running

around with oversize neon headphones on to

protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music

set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with

rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors

There are flowers candles pillow puddles

beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some

kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in

alignment with the morningrsquos intention

As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s

become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-

tainer in which I can move once again after

years of chronic freezing and dissociating A

trapped animal released back into the wild

wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom

in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism

evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with

anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our

spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist

The music awakens the holy spirit within

me and dances me through throngs of people

I am an antelope cut loose checking out the

creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns

bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms

Each stunning in their authentic movement I

see people falling in love with each other from

a distance I see a girl rocking four different

Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed

like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands

ldquopracticing dancingrdquo

This is the church of Miriam the biblical

tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of

years later I move here and I am reunited with

my self my best self my most curious mischie-

vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self

Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten

invited back in the room to whip her hair back

and forth I throw my head back in delight and

laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like

hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form

of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music

EMILY I BEDAL Portland

Again

M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R

upwardly mobile engineer That trans-

lated into at least one move per year until I was

eight and another address for high school I

moved every year in college one year twice I

moved three times during my first stint in Bos-

ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-

ment for the whole two years Then it was back

to Boston where I lived in five different homes

in five years

Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for

the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe

two years back East then back to New Mexico

in two different cities three different homes

Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates

what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo

From Albuquerque we moved to our present

home in Port Orford my thirt ieth

Moving has always been exciting cathar-

tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books

by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally

donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-

ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated

magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets

ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit

thatrsquos never happened In each new house

wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos

never worked

We vowed Port Orford would be our final

ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore

how settled we planned to be we unpacked

Everything Even the heirloom china which

had never before left its boxes We were here

to stay

Except it seems wersquore going to have to move

again but not for the exciting futures wersquod

always envisioned before Now we need doctors

and hospitals and a nearby airport for family

visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is

on the other side of adventure Now we need a

place to feel safe secure

So the sorting and throwing out is about to

begin yet again There are closets and drawers

that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to

dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of

booksmdashto give away This move exciting No

way The very thought of it exhausts me

Still those other feelings cathartic freeing

new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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43 FallWinter 2015 Move

Next theme Root

For the Spring 2016 issue tell

us your stories about rooting

around taking root being

uprooted or root-bound getting

to the root of a problem being

the root of the problem rooting

someone on Share stories and

ideas about beginnings origins

and foundations Analyze a

historical or contemporary

grassroots effort Describe

the tension between staying

put and being stuck Send your

submission (400 words maxi-

mum) by February 15 2016 to

postsoregonhumanitiesorg

Submissions may be edited for

space or clarity

Listen to Your Body

I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y

motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease

Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit

and spot-on timing Though she was confined

to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was

still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her

sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-

cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone

have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but

aching joints diminished strength and a fal-

tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back

Those maladies werenrsquot the result of

chronic disease More like lack of exercise At

some point in the past decade or so I developed

an aversion to any fitness routine That choice

has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo

class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community

Center

Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the

center for the past thirty-six years teaches

the dance-infused workout three days a week

Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at

the core of each class She dispenses praise as

we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform

deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements

and she encourages each of us to breathe and

listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably

youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying

ballet seriously By then her versatility as an

actress singer dancer and comedian had been

evident in community theater productions in

the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although

not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few

years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe

continues to lead a full life She can still stand

and press her palms flat to the floor despite

relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip

notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg

and stretch at the barre

A role model for agi ng wit h presence and

dignity Lynn maintains her considerable

charm and elegance and purposely keeps her

body and mind active Like my mother she

is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has

inspired me to accept what my body can do

today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow

Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for

getting up in the morning And by some mea-

sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE

Portland

Over the Hill

I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D

eleven times in three years I worked spring

through fall as a natural history guide in

Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure

where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned

into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply

moved around A lot With each new tempo-

rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked

clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was

nothing

At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the

person who would become my life partner

another seasonal worker We would move from

Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We

lived one magical off-season on a houseboat

on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the

ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught

me I loved wide-open spaces What could be

wider than the Pacific A fter one more season

of guiding I came back to the coast and decided

to stay

I volunteered my way into one steady job

and eventually landed another at the local

college After a few more seasons my partner

came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota

and we bought another together He built a

business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our

hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and

had a child Wersquod officially settled down

The economic hardships of rural living

however are real job opportunities decline

and can no longer support the life wersquove built

The accumulation of years no longer fits into

the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner

took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast

and we lived as a split family The split was tax-

ing though so we decided to make the move

to the city We left the first community of our

adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven

ourselves The only community our daughter

has even known Friends asked me not to go

Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart

still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the

sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes

at the memory of that moon over Tillamook

Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot

nothingmdashitrsquos every thing

NANCY SLAVIN Portland

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Oregon Humanities44

Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm

LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015

This intertwined story of two

teenage girls and their mothers

is set in New Orleans during

and after Hurricane Katrina

In her debut novel Urbani an

Oregon writer with Southern

roots brings a maternal touch

to the narrative handling trag-

edy with a careful soulfulness

and love This honest yet brutal

story will simultaneously break

and warm your heart

mdashAnnie Kaffen

At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015

Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French

Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the

Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural

French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-

tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans

and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a

snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland

Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015

Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the

Oregon physician and radicalrsquos

extraordinary experiences

from her early years working in

a textile mill in New Bedford

Massachusetts through her

activist years in Oregon includ-

ing a three-year term at San

Quentin State Prison Equi lived

openly as a lesbian beginning in

the 1890s and was one of the

first practicing female doctors

in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and

compassion for others with a

strong personal belief in social

and economic justice

mdashCarole Shel lhart

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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45 FallWinter 2015 Move

People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015

This debut collection from

Portland writer Margaret

Malone is filled with brief

bitterly funny stories about the

sort of people who tie them-

selves in knots in their heads

and feel uncomfortable in their

own skin and can never quite

bring themselves to say the

words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point

includes all of us

mdashBen Waterhouse

The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015

Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer

The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with

Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research

for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the

first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of

revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced

a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer

in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he

writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo

mdashMaggie Starr

To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for

Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon

Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205

Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe

Sasquatch Books 2015

Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter

Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt

to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography

in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers

a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden

rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance

sounds smells and much more

mdashBen Waterhouse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities46

Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson

February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum

1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg

CROPPINGS

Wendy Red Star Untitled

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more Oregonians get together share

ideas listen think and grow please

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communicationsprogram associate

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editorassociate director

Kathleen Holt

development director

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program officer

Annie Kaffen

office manager

Mikaela Schey

director of finance and oper ations

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development associate

Maggie Starr

communications associate

Ben Waterhouse

program coordinator

Kyle Weismann-Yee

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities

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Portland OR 97205

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7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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15 FallWinter 2015 Move

immigration system and Oregon voters crushed the measure

two to one

The victory Ludwick says shows Oregonians agree with his

grouprsquos views that immigration is out of control and that the gov-

ernment should not be rewarding people who are here illegally

He says much of the country is with his groupmdashand the suc-

cess of Republican presidential candidate Donald Trumprsquos

rhetoric about immigrants is proof When he announced his

candidacy in June 2015 Trump said Mexico was dumping drug

dealers and rapists into the United States ldquoAnd some I assumerdquo

Trump added ldquoare good peoplerdquo

ldquoWhen he did thatrdquo Ludwick says ldquohe shot right up in the

polls He chose to talk about immigration because hersquos a guy who

likes leverage He knows thatrsquos a subject that appeals to regular

Americansrdquo

O R E GO N S A W ITS L A TINO P O P U L A TIO N GR O W A FTE R World War II when the United States opened its borders to bra-

ceros guest workers from Mexico who labored in the fields The

program ended in the mid-1960s but the statersquos farmers were

by then dependent on migrant workers United Farm Workers

(UFW ) leader Cesar Chavez often brought his protests to Ore-

gon denouncing the low wages unsafe conditions and abysmal

housing for many of the statersquos estimated 40000 migrant work-

ers half of whom took seasonal jobs in the Willamette Valley

The UFWrsquos actions sparked backlash against Latinos in

many places but Oregon turned away from a cultural battle In

1971 the Republican-controlled legislature passed a bill to stop

farmworkers from organizing They put intense pressure onthen-Governor Tom McCallmdasha fellow Republican who grew up

in a ranching familymdashto sign it McCall nearly did but protests

and vigils against the bill moved him (as did Chavezrsquos threats of

boycotts) and it troubled him that the state was about to deny

rights and protections for people who came here to work ldquoHellrdquo

McCall said when the bill-signing deadline approached ldquoIrsquom

going to veto that son of a bitchrdquo And he did Over the years

many migrants stopped moving around and settled in the Wil-

lamette Valley and they beckoned others from their home coun-

tries to join them

Teresa Alonso Leonrsquos family was among those who heard the

call Her parents arrived in Oregon without documentation Her

father left their home in Michoacaacuten in early 1980 and moved

to Clackamas where relatives had told him he could find bet-

ter-paying work than he had in Mexico In Oregon her parents

worked at least two jobs at a ti me often seven days a week For

four years her family lived in a ramshackle house in Gervais

without plumbing They used a n outhouse and hauled in buck-

ets of water filled from a garden hose to cook and clean In the

winter the water stored in the buckets indoors froze

Her parents wanted their children to avoid the life they had

as laborers and for Alonso Leon school was transformative She

quickly saw the need to learn Englishmdashher teachers made herrepeat first grade because she struggled with the new language

But she soon caught up and became the familyrsquos translator

during doctorrsquos visits or meetings at her school

ldquoI had to become the spokesperson for the familyrdquo she says

In 1986 Congress passed an immigration amnesty bill that

offered legal residency to 29 million people Not yet a teenager

Alonso Leon represented her parents as they met the require-

ments to earn legal status gathering work histories from past

employers studying US history and demonstrating basic Eng-

lish skills (Her parents earned legal residency that covered

Alonso Leon She became a US citizen in 2013)

Her family eventually moved to Woodburn where she

attended high school before earning her GED through a pro-

gram at the University of Oregon She went on to graduate from

Wester n Ore gon Uni versity and Portland Stat e University

where she earned a masterrsquos degree in public administration

Alonso Leon has spent most of her career looki ng for ways to

make school more avai lable to low-income students or those who

are the first in their families to attend college At Portland Com-munity College she helped develop a program to guide migrant

students in adjusting to their first year in college Today she

runs the state of Oregonrsquos GED program in the Department of

Community Colleges and Workforce Development which each

year helps 1700 students gain their high-school equivalency

Families like hers have worked here for decades paying ta xes

and working to offer their children better lives And Alonso

Leon worries that Oregon will declare its government recog-

nizes only English

ldquoIt sends the message that as a state wersquore denying that peo-

ple should be able to live here and speak their native languagerdquo

Alonso Leon says ldquo It also sends the message t hat i mmigrantsarrive and reject the language thatrsquos spoken here Thatrsquos not the

case People try to learn English because they wa nt to succeedrdquo

Alonso Leonrsquos parents still struggle with English even a fter

three decades in Oregon Mastering the language she says often

requires education and trainingmdashsomething that her parents

and many other immigra nts have lacked

ldquoMy parents worked two or three jobs at a time at low wages

all these yearsrdquo she says ldquoYou can say to my parents lsquoWhy have

you not done a better job of learning Englishrsquo The answer is

they spent all their time making sure their children were fed

and clothedrdquo

THE MEASUR E SUPPORTED BY OREGONIANS FOR IMMI-

gration Reform would if passed by voters require state and

local governments to conduct business in English Oregon

law already requires that in many cases even though Oregon

is one of nineteen states without a blanket official-language

declaration

But the Oregon measure could go beyond what other states

impose its language suggests that (with some exceptions) it

could become illegal for government agencies to provide com-

munications with the public in languages besides Englishmdash

despite the fact that 15 percent of Oregonians speak a languageother than English at home Portland Public Schools for exam-

ple prints materials for parents in several languagesmdasha practice

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities16

Ludwick says is a waste of money

Ludwick recalls an illustration he saw in a social studies text-

book he had in high school ldquoIt was of this giant cooking potrdquo

he says ldquoPeople from all over the world are jumping inmdashpeople

with sombreros and so on And in the picture Uncle Sam is stir-

ring itmdashstirring the pot the melting pot And the people who had

jumped in earlier are now climbing out dressed like Americans

They had coats and ties onrdquo

ldquoThe point isrdquo he says ldquoit was about assimilation It used to

be you come to America to become an American Not a Hispanic

American New immigrants today donrsquot want to be assimilated

They want to divide themselves off from us while imposing their

cultural beliefs on usrdquo

The threat Ludwick sees is about more than language Itrsquos

about influence and powermdashless about reforming immigration

laws than it is about forcing a cultural norm on Oregonrsquos immi-

grants His grouprsquos attention to Latinos in particular is basedin sheer numbersmdash40 percent of immigrants in Oregon were

born in Mexicomdashbut also on the success of organi zations such

as Causa Oregon to push a political agenda These groups have

had some victories including a 2013 law allowing college tuition

grants for undocumented students who attended Oregon high

schools But the doors of power have not been knocked open

The state has seen only one Latino elected official statewide

(former state schools superintendent Susan Castillo) and only

a handf ul of legislators

What Oregonians for Immigration Reform plays on is fearmdash

the fear of a non-Latino majority losing influence and facing

discrimination for not speaking Spanish In its troubled his-tory Oregon has turned on the ldquootherrdquo foreigners blacks any

faceless group accused of stealing something from the rest of us

including jobs culture andmdashnowmdashlanguage

The last thing Oregon needs is another dark chapter of rac-

ism disguised as nationalistic duty What the state could use

instead is a moment of illumination and courage

Itrsquos happened before in another context A half century ago

Oregon set out to protect its farms and forests by carefully plan-

ning for the rapid population growth that was coming Its lead-

ers (primari ly Governor Tom McCall) engaged in a long often

rending discussion about the need for land-use laws Invective

followedmdashfoes called Oregon a communist state and voters in

many parts of the state would still erase land-use laws from the

books in a hea rtbeat given the chance But it took someone with

guts to cha llenge hardened beliefs and prepare Oregon for the

future

Itrsquos time for another conversation this one about the chang-

ing face of the state Oregonrsquos long history with a whites-only

club running things is ending Imagine seeing a leader in Oregon

brave enough to embrace that futuremdashespecially now that the

nationrsquos political debate is oozing anti-immigrant poison

A future Oregon leader who gets up the nerve to t alk about

the value of a more diverse Oregonmdashand the need to account

for itmdashneed look no further than Woodburn a city that thirty

years ago no one would predict would be a model for cultural

tolerance The town struggled with change as Latino and Rus-

sian immigrants came to the area Today Woodburn proudly

talks of its ldquoLittle Mexicordquo business district The school district

has seen enormous success in graduating students from high

school in large part because of its bilingual approach in theclassroom The city routinely sends out information about the

library parks and water bills in English and Spanish And the

cityrsquos website has a button that allows visitors to translate its

pages into thirty-six lang uages

Alonso Leon says that despite Woodburnrsquos progress the city

has a lot of ground to gain when it comes to making itself open

to everyone She says the city council rarely sees members of the

Latino community appear before it and that the only Spanish

speakers who attend meetings on a regular basis are usually her

parents who like to watch her in action She says the city has

formed a committee to find ways Woodburn can knock down

cultural and language barriers that keep non-English speakersfrom believing they have a role in civic debates

ldquoWe need to do more to make ourselves inviting and avail-

ablerdquo she says ldquoTelling people only English is acceptable in

government runs against the idea that everyone has the right

to be heardrdquo

Alonso Leon won an appointment to city council in 2013 and

must run for her seat this year if she wa nts to keep it Shersquos never

sought public office before and she could appear on the same

election ballot as Trump and the Oregonians for Immigration

Reform measuremdashan irony that isnrsquot lost on her

Alonso Leon expects a campaign wil l test her Shersquod be the

third Latino elected to the council (shersquos the only one serving

there now) and she says she has never been afraid to tell her story

ldquoIf people are asking questions and scrutinizing who I am

that means theyrsquore considering me or someone like merdquo she

says ldquoAnd that in itself is progressrdquo

Brent Walth has been an Oregon journalist since 1984 Hersquos

the former managing editor at Willamette Week and senior

investigative reporter for the Oregonian and author of Fire at

Edenrsquos Gate a biography of Oregon Governor Tom McCall

Hersquos now an assistant professor in the University of Oregon

School of Journalism and Communication

The threat Ludwicksees is about more thanlanguage Itrsquos about

influence and power

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17 FallWinter 2015 Move

Communityin Flux

A long-persecuted people begins to speak out

I N P O R T L A N D T H E C H R I S T M A S O F 1 9 4 4 W A S B I T -

terly cold and blanketed in white It snowed for days and

stayed close to freezing as the New Year approached But Port-

landers were distracted from the unusually cruel weather by

news that Portland Mayor Earl Riley was forcing dozens of

Roma out of the citymdashand by God it was about time the news-papers crowed Although many members of the local Kalderash

community of Roma had been working in the Kaiser shipyard

factories for the US war effort elected officials law enforce-

ment and the media fell over themselves to justify r unning the

Roma out of town

The Oregon Journal reported that encouraged by police the

Romamdashdescribed as ldquothe gaily dressed wanderersrdquomdashasked for

assistance to return to Texas and New Mexico because Portland

was ldquotoo coldrdquo for them Mayor R iley p ersuaded the US Of fice

of Price Administration (OPA) the federal bureau in charge of

rationing to issue special gas rations to the Roma so they could

make the drive south

The Oregonian considered this a ldquonotable featrdquo by the mayor

not only because the OPArsquos rationing of items like gas rubber

sugar and butter was so strict but also because Riley was ldquogetting

rid of at least half the gy psies [who] have been afflicting the cityrdquo

ldquoWe are right proud of our mayorrdquo the paper wrote

This was the same Mayor Riley who is purported to be one of

the most corrupt mayors in Portlandrsquos history Though his office

accused the Roma of using fortune-telling as a front for prostitu-

tion Riley allegedly kept a special safe in City Hall just for the

bribes he collected from these same types of criminal opera-

tions He was neither indicted nor punished despite criticism bythe City Club of Portland instead he amassed a fortune in ille-

gal enterprises over his lifetime Meanwhile the Roma families

LISA LOVING

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Oregon Humanities18

A detective and two policemen

escort two arrested Romani women

from the paddy wagon into the

Police Headquarters building at SW

2nd amp Oak in 1951

in Portland barely got by sometimes using abandoned storefronts as homes

Carol Silvermanmdasha professor of cultural anthropology and folklore at the

University of Oregon who has studied worked with and advocated for Roma

locally and around the world for almost forty yearsmdashsays the group of Roma in

Portland who came to work in the shipyards during the war were turned upon

when the war was over ldquoJust like Rosie the Riveter when women no longer were

needed for welding and [were told they] should go back to the homerdquo Silverman

says ldquoit was perceived that this group of Roma was no longer needed in the cityPerceived as foreign outsiders dangerous [they were] given these gas rations to

drive out of staterdquo

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19 FallWinter 2015 Move

COURTESY THOMAS ROBINSON

Roma in America today are a community in flux Families

still identify their lineages through distinct ethnic communi-

ties sometimes called tribes including the Sinti Romanichal

and Kalderash and these communities tend to blend in with

the mainstream In the Northwest a look through local busi-

ness listings will not reveal any obvious groups or organiza-

tions serving them except a handful of very tight-knit Christian

churches Most Kalderash would prefer to live under the radar

says Silverman for a compelling historical reason almost

everywhere theyrsquove gone Roma people have been oppressed by

both government and society

Originally from India Roma communities are traditionally

nomadic From the fourteenth century until the Romanian

emancipation of 1864 Roma were enslaved and traded by the

local nobility in a large area of southern Romania including

Walachia and Moldovia with the support of church institutions

Roma moved to the Northwest in the largest numbers after1864 with Kalderash families settling in the area between 1880

and 1920 Silverman says ldquoFrom the first time they came to

America there were rules regulating where Roma could live and

where they could settle and even the kind of work they could do

Many cities had anti-fortune-telling edicts fortune-telling poli-

cies on the books Some cities actually still have themrdquo

Accused of being naturally inferior and prone to crime Roma

people in the Northwest have been targeted and harassed by

local law enforcement and negatively depicted in the media In

1906 the Oregonian wrote ldquoThe police allege that the gypsies

have such a penchant for stealing everything that is not nai led

down that it is necessary always to lsquokeep an eye on themrsquordquo Andthe Ashland Daily Tidings in 1916 wrote ldquoTrue to their inborn

instincts the horde of gypsies which passed through Ashland

last Sunday failed to get out of t he country without committing

a serious depredationrdquo

No scholar has studied discrimination against the Roma as

fully as Ian Hancock a University of Texas at Austin professor of

linguistics English and Asian studies who laid out his findings

in a 2007 research paper He writes that despite five special US

Congressional sessions addressing the increase in anti-Romani

hate crimes in Europe and the correlative increase in Romani

asylum seekers to the United States ldquoThere nevertheless remain

laws on the books in various states and counties that continue

to operate against Gypsies Many of these laws a list of which

fills thirty-four pages were inherited from Europe and were

intended to be used against the earlier Gypsy populations in the

United States they have since found new application against

the more recently arrived and more v isible Eastern European

Roma escaping the post-Communist increase in racial violence

in that region many of whom are seeking political asylum hererdquo

But despite the hostility they have traditionally faced

Romani people have also historically been linchpins of their

local economies Silverman says Roma in Europe worked in

metalcraft which t hey applied in the United States to recopperand re-tin household items at the turn of the century ldquoUntil the

1950s before stainless steel in order to have a working kitchen

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Oregon Humanities20

Most Americanshave no idea

that their owngovernment waspersecuting Romapeople at thesame time Romain Europe werebeing murdered inthe Holocaust

you had to have your pots and pans redonerdquo Silverman says ldquoThis was a real

Romani skillrdquo

This skill in metalwork was perfect for the emerging car industry in 1920s

and rsquo30s America ldquoRoma did this kind of service for many many Northwest

Americans and then eventua lly they got i nto t he car sales businessrdquo Silver-

man says The Romarsquos family-based car repair operations competed directly

with corporate auto repair shops offering an alternative to high-dollar services

with the personal attention of a family business So by World War II not only

was Mayor Riley rsquos expulsion of Roma families cruel but it also likely damaged

the local economy

Most Americans have no idea that their own government was persecut-

ing Roma people at the same time Roma in Europe were being murdered in

the Holocaust The Nazis killed an estimated 220000 to 500000 Roma men

women and childrenmdashperhaps 25 percent of the European Roma populationmdash

between 1935 and 1945 Morgan Ahern a SintiRomanichal Roma and founder

of Seattle-based organization Lolo Diklo Romani Against Racism believes

the number of Roma killed may be as high as 15 million ldquoMany [were killed] inconcentration campsrdquo she says ldquobut many more [were] just shot on the roadrdquo

Silverman agrees that the effect of the Holocaustmdashknown to some Roma as

the Porraimos or ldquothe devouringrdquomdashon the Roma has been ldquoa footnote in most

textbooksrdquo and is only starti ng to be examined in Holocaust museums because

of lobbying by Roma and their allies

Also overlooked in the history of Roma in the United States generations of

Roma children taken from their parents and warehoused in foster care systems

because of lifestyle differences and some families say racism Ahern was one

of those children removed from her family and put into foster care after her

parents were deemed unfit to ta ke care of her because they were Romani and

nomadic

Even today many Romani individuals and families lack birth certificatesand marriage certificates making them vulnerable to government officialsrsquo

whims Silverma n says ldquoThings like being fingerprinted havi ng a birth certifi-

cate might mean that your children are going to be taken away These historic

memories are very very very much alive for Romardquo

After generations of abuse a modest tide of Roma are beginning to speak out

about their civil rights and demand fair t reatment including fair accommoda-

tions in trying to obtain legal documentation for family members who were

born in the United States Silverman who is on the board of the nonprofit Voice

of Roma says she was involved in a c ase in Portland in which it was argued that

oral testimony in a birth is equivalent to a birth certificate ldquoWhen people bear

witness to a marriagerdquo Silverman says ldquoit doesnrsquot matter if therersquos no marriage

certificate It could be issued based on hindsight on memoryrdquo

For a community that has for generations avoided keeping their money in

bank accounts and sending their children to public schools social isolation is

giving way to an emerging movement for empowerment

On the East Coast Kalderash filmmaker George Eli produces films about

his family and is currently building a media channel on Roma And at the

University of Texas Hancock who is Romanichal Roma has spent decades

building the Program of Romani Studies and the Romani Arch ives and Docu-

mentation Center

Ahern founded Lolo Diklo which means ldquored scarfrdquo in 1986 along w ith a

fellow teacher at Seattle Central College The grouprsquos purpose is to document

discrimination and persecution of Romani Ahernrsquos fatherrsquos Romanichal fam-ily have lived in the United States since the 1700s and were originally sent from

Ireland by the British government as slaves Her motherrsquos family were Sinti who

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21 FallWinter 2015 Move

No documentsor oral histories

exist showingwhat happened tothe Roma familiesforced out ofPortland in 1944

arrived in the United States in the late 1930s

fleeing the climate in Germany Her maternal

grandmother pretended to be Italian to get into

the country

Over the years Ahern has traveled through-

out the West Coast lecturing about Roma cul-ture and civil rights She works with Romani

organizations across the United States South

America Canada Europe and Spain

Silverman adds that over the past twenty

years many American Roma have become

born-again Christians establishing their own

churches or joining evangelical congregations

Some of these church leaders are emerging as

community spokespeoplemdashsomething very

new for a community that has been persecuted

for so long ldquoThere are Roma who donrsquot want

to be left alone anymore because they are at a

disadvantage when they are left alonerdquo Silver-

man says ldquoThey are being very brave to actu-

ally interact with t he US court systemrdquo

But despite these efforts even today the dis-

crimination that Roma face by revealing their

heritage remains very real ldquoIn their historical

memory interacting with American institu-

tions has often resulted in a form of marginal-

izationrdquo Silverman says

For example Silverman describes ethnic

profiling by police bureaus through what wereknown as ldquobunco squadsrdquo police bureaus in

the South that had ldquoGypsy unitsrdquo to focus on

ldquoGypsy crimerdquo She says ldquoThis is ethnic profiling of crime

assuming that all Roma commit a certain kind of crime and

certain ki nds of crimes are only committed by Romardquo

The racial profiling of Roma people doesnrsquot stop with law

enforcement it is a staple of local news The language used

in Pacific Northwest news coverage in the past ten years to

describe alleged offenders has hardly changed from what was

writ ten in newspapers in the early 1900s

In 2007 a ldquoNight Cabbierdquo column in Willamette Week

sparked outrage ldquoThe Gypsies apparently are no jokerdquo the

unidentified cab driverwriter penned about the apparent rav-

ings of a customer ldquoDespite what we may think she explains to

us that real Gypsies arenrsquot nomadic livestock thieves but in fact

have been living in her neighborhood for decades And theyrsquore

very bad neighborsrdquo

ldquoThis is racist nonsenserdquo a reader responded ldquoInexcusable

for a serious newspaper to print such offensive content about areal livi ng breathing person in the neighborhood on account of

one of his neighbors For all we know this bigoted fool is the bad

neighborrdquo

No documents or oral histories exist showing what happened

to the Roma families forced out of Portland in 1944 Did they

stay in Texas Did they return to the Northwest Did they find

safety Or were they forced on toward some other location And

most important how in the Information Age is it possible that

the Roma experience has been all but forgotten by the main-

stream of society

Silverman holds out hope that organizations such as Voice of

Roma and Lolo Diklo can help Roma keep from getting caught inunfriendly bureaucratic systems as well as provide an opening

for more outreach and understanding The Portland Romani

Festival a one-day celebration featuring food music and infor-

mation on human rights issues affecting Roma people is ten-

tatively scheduled for late spring 2016 The Festival Romani

Facebook page is a fountain of music and cu ltural events par-

ticularly music performances up and down the West Coast

ldquoI think people should become knowledgeable about Romani

history and discrimination in order to combat itrdquo Silverman

says ldquoIt seems to me that while wersquore talking about ethnic a nd

racial diversity we can no longer eliminate a large group that

has suffered prejudice for so many years and continues to suffer

prejudicerdquo

Thanks to Fair Housing Council of Oregon for sharing this

story with Oregon Humanities through its history bus tour

Lisa Loving has reported on civil rights and diversity in

Oregon for more than fifteen years She is a news and

public affairs producer at KBOO Community Radio 907

FM in Portland and the former news editor of the award-

winning African American community newspaper the

Skanner Her new book How to Be a Citizen Journalist will

be released in 2017 by Microcosm Publishing

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities22

Like all places Oregon has a brand an identity that distinguishes

it from other places This identity is a pastiche of characteris-

ticsmdashenvironmental and agricultural urban and rural intrepid and

entrepreneurialmdashthat become a kind of shorthand that rightly or

wrongly insiders and outsiders read to understand what this state

and its people collectively value But how much do we the resi-

dents of this place really know about the systems behind these

things that seem to represent our identity

On the pages that follow we look more closely at just four ofthese cultural identifiers and how they move through their individ-

ual systems coho salmon up the Columbia River past historical

sites trash recyclables reusables and compost from Portland to

other parts of the state and the world bicycles buses and cars

up a busy corridor through a rapidly changing neighborhood and

ideas measures and laws through what is sometimes called the

Oregon System

Thanks to sources at the Confluence Project Death with Dignity Friends of the Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge Heiberg Garbage and

Recycling Metro MIG Northwest Power and Conservation Council Ofce of the Secretary of State Oregon History Project Oregon Legis -

lature Portland Bureau of Transportation TriMet and US Forest Servicersquos Pacific Northwest Research Station for their help with this story

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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23 FallWinter 2015 Move

Salmon up the Columbia RiverAFTER SPENDING sixteen to twenty months at sea a coho

salmon begins her journey up the Columbia and Sandy Rivers

back to her natal spawning grounds This amazing biological phe-

nomenon is also rich with cultural significance and the landmarks

she passes upstream mark the politics and history of her species

1 Salmon were central to the Chinook that once inhabited villages

along the lower Columbia and seining was the most important

method used to catch the fish As runs declined in the early twen-

tieth century white fishermen drove the Chinook off Sand Island

and Peacock Spit two of the most productive seining areas in

the estuary Seining was prohibited by Washington in 1934 and

Oregon in 1948

2 On March 16 1806 Meriwether Lewis drew and described a fish

brought to him at Fort Clatsop ldquoThe white Salmon Trout has

now made itrsquos appearance in the creeks near this place one of

them was brought us today by an Indian who had just taken it with

his gig this is a likness of itrdquo The fish was later classified as coho

salmon Oncorhynchus kisutch

3 In 1866 the brothers George W and William Hume and Andrew

S Hapgood established a salmon cannery at Eagle Cliff

Washington packing 4000 cases their first year In 1895 up to

50 Columbia canneries produced 635000 cases of salmon But

by 1977 the pack was just 2547 cases The last major cannery

on the Columbia closed in 1980

4 On November 5 1805 Lewis and Clark recorded a visit to the

ldquoQuathapotle Nationrdquo one of the largest Chinookan villages the

expedition encountered Today Cathlapotle is an archeological site

and the home of a modern plankhouse which serves as an outdoor

classroom and is used by the Chinook Indian Nation

5 In 2008 Maya Linrsquos sculpture Bird Blind was dedicated The blind

lists 134 plants documented by Lewis and Clark along with one

word on their status today thriving threatened endangered or

extinct Coho are listed as threatened today

6 In 2007 the Marmot Dam part of Portland General Electric hydro-

electric project in the Sandy River basin was removed due to

pressure from conservation groups and rising management costs

Built in 1913 by Portland Railway Light and Power Company the

dam provided hydroelectric power to Portland Today salmon navi-gate a free-flowing river mdashTRM

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities24

1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every

other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-

cling one of a number of independent haulers

in the Metro region grind their gears uphill

traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food

scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-

board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue

recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in

the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green

roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-

egory recycling compost and yard waste and

garbage

2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly

either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-

gon Recycling System past the airport in East

Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery

facilities (there are a handful in the region)

which then sell the materials based on demand

in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others

in foreign countries such as China

3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable

waste the other trucks head to Metro Central

Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro

South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-

tions in the region Last year almost a half a

million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos

two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins

other company haulers contractors with con-

struction waste and residential customers with

miscellaneous items not picked up through

home collection service At the transfer station

the sorting process begins

4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature

Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-

ogy Organics outside of North Plains about

twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about

twelve miles north of Corvallis

5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household

items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material

in roads

6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader

then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time

is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer

stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a

three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty

no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush

plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo

According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the

garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material

The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is

often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per

minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to

an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the

plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity

powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM

Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland

Waste fromSouthwestPortland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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25 FallWinter 2015 Move

1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in

winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period

in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a

twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source

TriMet)

HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make

every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-

tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed

Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-

age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo

In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin

Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the

new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue

represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even

signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from

the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles

per hour depending on the time of day

The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars

buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic

signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and

emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one

hundred intersections throughout Portland

Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North

Williams today reflects a different wave of development and

demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share

the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to

bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes

to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density

residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG

Traffic on North Williams Avenue

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities26

Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect

changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-

erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed

law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or

rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already

passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a

referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather

than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-

ers approved this system in 1902

This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an

initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on

a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided

driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal

documentation of US citizenship status

1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three

ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)

Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text

of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall

issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to

provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)

2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-

tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)

3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of

Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative

petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State

Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal

Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)

4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is

certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults

to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88

58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold

of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to

qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-

ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without

requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to

Dec 2013)

5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88

Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor

Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)

6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51

to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails

666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-

croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered

by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed

lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move

(2003)

7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block

saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-

zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the

case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor

General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the

practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The

US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide

law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG

Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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27 FallWinter 2015 Move

SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137

983158983151983145983139983141

N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -

room closet I came across a box of old family photographs

I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color

photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-

ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five

standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie

primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos

hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-

tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against

the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But

the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a

frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat

in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple

of the Sun

A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -

graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one

end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both

L A I L A L A L A M I

Al-Mursquoallaqat

The GoldenOdes of Love

J E N W I C K S T U D I O

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Oregon Humanities28

of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels

science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-

raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to

love books so much perhaps books provided them an education

about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing

from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches

that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-

ing the reign of King Hassan

It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned

to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed

copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from

friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about

whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-

drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new

offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte

which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne

Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others

Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les

petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why

the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion

Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which

the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to

either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan

tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three

Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords

and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo

Of course none of the characters in these books looked or

spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly

all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan

bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their

homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my

own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they

had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary

world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an

alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define

normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like

my country my imagination had been colonized

I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly

the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-

acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the

fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled

my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high

school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes

where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-

yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as

well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father

said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it

was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted

D RISS C H RAI BI

LA

CI VI LISA TIO N

MA M E R E

PAR

ALEXANDRE DUMAS

Taha Hussein

THE

DA YS

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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29 FallWinter 2015 Move

When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same

school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum

el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine

At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were

taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled

with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still

the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-

language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from

the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi

al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the

Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese

Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-

moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some

of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved

each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a

classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-

els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan

authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-

tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren

It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read

adult literature on my own and independently from school that

I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-

ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos

La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a

sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin

Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book

that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment

of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read

lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was

as fertile ground for fiction as any other

And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature

nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in

French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after

all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-

latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss

Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was

ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a

particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made

it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I

was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train

in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco

medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-

ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my

hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat

or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-

matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely

be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study

linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in

a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in

an analytica l way

Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in

Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship

to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait

I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and

racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School

of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work

of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went

back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how

often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes

Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in

our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in

formal soireacutees French was de rigueur

Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-

guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles

and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in

English which made me think even more about the relationship

between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a

prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power

an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people

The education I had received had emphasized the importance

of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our

media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the

shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed

in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored

by the French government for free access to books The role of

Every time I went back

to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much

and how often we moved

between French and

Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not

went through life

switching between codes

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities30

French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a

cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no

longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case

of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should

not be writing at all

I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish

after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried

to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of

me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that

stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have

immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the

native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow

me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred

to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic

languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought

Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my

days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use

English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the

linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh

perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a

child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-

gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the

same story

I have always written because I have always had the urge to

tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided

that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-

thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my

race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-

larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while

the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and

waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had

enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos

phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-

rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat

seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of

others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the

works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s

such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in

the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and

sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing

graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had

always told stories but now I wanted to be heard

This essay was first published in World Literature Today

Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami

Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The

Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The

Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy

Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for

Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016

Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16

and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for

more information and to buy tickets

Writing in French came

at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial

baggage that I no longer

wanted to carry I started

to suffer from a peculiar

case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic

perhaps I should not be

writing at all

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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31 FallWinter 2015 Move

A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good

LORETTA STINSON

I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M

every day after work waiting for Bruce to

get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching

myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me

sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on

from a distance at whatever is happening to

me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie

and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-

kick of the star or I play a supporting role but

I am definitely not the star of this movie The

moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom

just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been

able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed

freak for fifteen years

Sun through the small rectangular win-

dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats

wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in

1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from

the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom

watchi ng my past present a nd future selves

do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental

after another waiting for the next bad thing

to happen and not getting out of the way even

when I see it coming The habit of living in con-

stant fear and the resignation that nothing can

ever change are the glue that holds me in place

This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting

on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on

Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on

hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the

future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who

can only be counted on not to be counted on

In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses

and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about

J U L I A N N A B R I O N

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities32

detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot

change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-

ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what

the old-timers were saying Needless to say

I didnrsquot

Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go

home and try some new strategy to make Bruce

quit using I once read a book about how sugar

was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding

him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein

diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck

them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat

and beer is a very filling meal in itself When

he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put

in front of him but speed and alcohol are his

drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-

ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never

remembers what he does to me and since he

doesnrsquot remember I have to forget

It be what it be Bruce says about all things

unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color

electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it

be Today I see things clearly for the first time

Today I see myself on this couch waiting for

someone else to do the changing Today I see

that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be

my life until the day he kills me or he dies or

I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been

disappointed too many times Addiction his to

drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove

been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot

see my part until now

My only friend has been telling me for

months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I

have left many times for a day or a week but

Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop

drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs

to me for the first time that this is absurd and a

huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe

itrsquos me who needs to change and not because

that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction

is his business

Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll

be wasted because it was payday and most of

his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-

ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood

alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or

hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how

those will interact with his mood the kind of

day he had and if hersquos eaten

None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for

such a long time that I could Like every person

who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that

if I did all the right things I would figure out a

way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on

his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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33 FallWinter 2015 Move

I worked like some kind of crazy statistician

making up story problems to predict what he

might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job

and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without

eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito

at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos

left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going

to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-

ing home mistakes his second wife for his first

wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out

Please show your work

I have never been able to figure out the rec-

ipe for equilibrium His or mine

Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce

comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not

wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face

slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat

the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says

Itrsquos not really a question but I answer

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him

clearly for the first time I see his addiction in

action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have

nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest

thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can

do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look

at him for too long when hersquos been drinking

kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash

you just back away slowly and try not to piss

him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows

too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how

little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs

to believe because he has to be mad at some-

one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom

just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by

the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about

nothing that it was never my face that pissed

him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He

needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave

to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do

no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a

revelation

He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you

looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on

the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-

spread that covers its stained sagging cush-

ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier

mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore

afraid when hersquos like this and they should be

Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that

hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what

if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities34

dead or at least not living just existing on the

edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story

Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom

suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am

afraid of being killed

I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to

make a home The china teacups that I str ung

together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks

in the window like a mobile The plants my

booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the

sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the

bed my dad and I refinished before I left home

The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday

The fifteen years of history we have together

one year short of half my life tonight not all of

it bad He is no monster just a man struggling

wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to

face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo

He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo

He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo

Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He

screams them at me knowing how in the past

these are the very words that made me cling to

him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go

Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but

this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest

the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about

his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does

Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom

seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man

Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried

to help for his own good right This man Irsquove

tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody

made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when

I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself

Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the

usual responseI know three things tonight Number one

If I stay this will be my life until I die Number

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7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities36

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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37 FallWinter 2015 Move

M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN

he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline

somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and

believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he

turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean

for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees

in rows

My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home

at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York

City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for

rows of buildings

ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says

In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark

skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the

Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n

My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I

met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo

My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too

often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance

of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He

was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister

a year later

My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my

father a suit They seem happy in the picture

Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put

half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband

My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years

My grandmother died

All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a

life rocked with waves

P A I G E

V I C K E R S

JASON ARI AS

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Oregon Humanities38

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have

let that slip through thecracksrdquo

My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes

My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why

Grandma was hiding

Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here

To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-

vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where

we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We

have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo

I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened

My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next

closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed

a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time

tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the

process

Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends

Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his

giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist

until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again

We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in

the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-

ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-

lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be

Ama zons)

The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door

I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour

feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean

ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said

We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not

about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same

ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As

kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon

I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower

water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the

high tide after being beached again and again

One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom

decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia

One of my new Olympian friends flicked a

match that started a fire inside my mattress I

tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking

Mom came home and we put the burning

bed outside

This isnrsquot a metaphor

I slept on the floor of my bedroom that

night missing the ocean of Grayland while my

mom and sister shared their bed in the room

next to mine The next morning my mattress

was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-

ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a

popular song on the radio at the time One of us

would start singing the lyrics

How can we dance when our earth is turning

and then wersquod all join in

How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh

But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame

Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-

land That no matter how many times we

were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty

porous flotation device on which to try to

reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe

even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the

way we did as something gia nt and limit less

something to be feared and conquered some-

thing to be moved by

In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a

flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called

my name and the light receded back down the

hall disappearing into the living room and

slipping out the front door

We discovered that the flickering light had

left wax shapes on the carpet of our living

room that could have been bad pentagrams or

the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It

left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot

take any money It left us wondering if some

past boyfriend had found us somehow

Whi le we were out the next day somebody

hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment

door Mom winced at the divots denting the

wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing

mechanism once was with her hand

We left the dishes in the sink

We left no forwarding address

We boarded a bus

Two days later we were on the doorstep of

the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with

a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my

backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase

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39 FallWinter 2015 Move

in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever

received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer

trophies in the other

At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude

who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-

thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been

there were two concave smooth-skinned div-

ots She was always smiling I liked watching

how Jude listened

Before long the four of us moved into an

apartment between Portland and Gresham It

was right on the MAX line and right on the city

line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-

landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign

that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block

to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch

my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but

Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the

perfect space for her She said it was easier for

her to know where everything was in a smaller

environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond

than an ocean

One day Jude brought her new boyfriend

home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo

ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said

Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor

and said ldquo White peoplerdquo

I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was

wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what

ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to

a blind person

Red is the rage in your gut

White is the entrapment of the disabled

One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend

and her room became a closet again

We saw her a little and then not at all

Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to

Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally

almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of

my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday

cards and pictures that were inside it

Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-

day cards away

My wife and I began archiving our new fam-

ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with

the rest of them Our sons grew I became an

uncle My grandfather remarried and went

crazy My mother still has the same smile she

had when I was young

Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a

bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple

of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary

There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help

you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear

Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie

each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out

If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads

directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end

points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably

guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock

between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled

and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long

by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of

human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of

the Mayan calendar

In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and

I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of

the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam

When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-

land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else

ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says

one night while wersquore lying in bed

And I do

I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that

had to happen I listen to our breath

In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I

make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My

finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving

And then the line disappears

And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and

falling together

Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the

Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life

Poems and Stories of the Dead

If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between

Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities40

READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts

One hundred moves and not one of

them associated with the military

a job or being on the run

The Ledger

Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G

through a yard sale I picked up an old

ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-

ance Company of New York A large thin hard-

bound ledger black with a red spine eleven

inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by

insurance agents to track insurers and their

policies all entries written by hand There was

only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty

cents the rest of the pages were blank After

years of treasuring its antiquity but making

no entries of my own I tore the one used page

out and decided to start tracking al l my moves

before my memory lost track I sat down and

recorded all the moves I remembered over one

hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my

parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them

associated with the military a job or being on

the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-

derlust and exploration then relationships

and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad

landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just

being unable as a single parent to bear the rent

and high heating bills Once my oldest son and

I landed in a decent house that could hold us

indefinitely After three months I was drawn to

cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted

to gather them touch them fill their empti-

ness with our lives When I realized what was

going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in

that house for two years then moved to Hawai i

Now the kids are grown the grandkids are

teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos

no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-

foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a

semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided

me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she

said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo

As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot

out of my feet and sink into the ground I was

so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here

three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot

want to move

What have I lea rned th rough al l these

moves Adaptability being and living in the

now and that there is glory in both staying and

moving but it is much easier and cheaper to

stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland

Out of the Nest

I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E

back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze

tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last

time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex

where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs

Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot

stepped inside the apartment for eight months

To do so would risk my life

ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-

tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February

I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following

weekmdashfor six months

Left behind with Michael were our surro-

gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy

and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned

starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier

It was last October when I first developed

symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-

ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse

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41 FallWinter 2015 Move

This is where the plates layers of crust

crashed into each other in a fiery show

perhaps tens of thousands of years ago

Soon breathing was excruciating I took

shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain

Paralyzing fatigue set in

My endocrinologist suspected chronic

obstructive pulmonary disease which made

little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I

began scouring descriptions of lung conditions

Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity

pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung

Relief and terror flooded in

If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-

monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a

terminal condition in which scarring causes

respiratory failure within three to five years

Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif

caught early But the solution is drastic We

would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-

ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even

be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the

parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would

have a new ending

Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms

lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper

grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-

pice moments before plummeting

Today we are moving the last of our belong-

ings into our first house The kitties and birdies

have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed

While I cannot hold my babies I watch them

on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the

two-way speaker

From rescue feedings to teenage angst to

nighttime vigils during illness in caring for

these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging

from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety

Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey

take their first tentative steps toward flight

Today I learned the most painful lesson let-

ting go

MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene

Subduction Zones

T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK

were on an af ternoon in early Septem-

ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for

the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper

and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our

ankles

Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-

berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend

and is directly responsible for the creation of

Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back

then one that I sometimes imagined looked

like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus

Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of

the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale

their name suggests but the result of plates

shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-

tion led to the formation of the trio This is

where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into

each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-

sands of years ago Subduction zones are places

where great trauma lies

And here I was all these years later in the

shadows of these mountains loss everywhere

Later that day back at our apartment we

walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit

into anymore For more than a year we went

through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern

Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that

followed us Then one day our four-year-old

daughter started a conversation that shook me

ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo

I nodded

ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so

sadrdquo

Six words leapt at me

ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo

We moved back to Ash land where brig ht

red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-

hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot

know it then but we were charting our own

map however imperfect Healing crept up on

us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-

ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew

Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng

up the darkness Seventeen years passed

And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most

folks want to flee helps you see things more

clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in

its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along

VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland

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Oregon Humanities42POSTS

continued from previous page

Just to

underscore

how settled we

planned to be

we unpacked

EverythingEven the

heirloom china

which had never

before left its

boxes We were

here to stay

Dance Church

SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I

go to church Dance church A church

where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers

to recite A church where at first glance outsid-

ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon

arriving I see a few little munchkins running

around with oversize neon headphones on to

protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music

set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with

rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors

There are flowers candles pillow puddles

beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some

kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in

alignment with the morningrsquos intention

As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s

become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-

tainer in which I can move once again after

years of chronic freezing and dissociating A

trapped animal released back into the wild

wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom

in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism

evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with

anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our

spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist

The music awakens the holy spirit within

me and dances me through throngs of people

I am an antelope cut loose checking out the

creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns

bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms

Each stunning in their authentic movement I

see people falling in love with each other from

a distance I see a girl rocking four different

Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed

like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands

ldquopracticing dancingrdquo

This is the church of Miriam the biblical

tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of

years later I move here and I am reunited with

my self my best self my most curious mischie-

vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self

Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten

invited back in the room to whip her hair back

and forth I throw my head back in delight and

laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like

hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form

of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music

EMILY I BEDAL Portland

Again

M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R

upwardly mobile engineer That trans-

lated into at least one move per year until I was

eight and another address for high school I

moved every year in college one year twice I

moved three times during my first stint in Bos-

ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-

ment for the whole two years Then it was back

to Boston where I lived in five different homes

in five years

Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for

the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe

two years back East then back to New Mexico

in two different cities three different homes

Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates

what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo

From Albuquerque we moved to our present

home in Port Orford my thirt ieth

Moving has always been exciting cathar-

tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books

by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally

donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-

ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated

magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets

ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit

thatrsquos never happened In each new house

wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos

never worked

We vowed Port Orford would be our final

ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore

how settled we planned to be we unpacked

Everything Even the heirloom china which

had never before left its boxes We were here

to stay

Except it seems wersquore going to have to move

again but not for the exciting futures wersquod

always envisioned before Now we need doctors

and hospitals and a nearby airport for family

visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is

on the other side of adventure Now we need a

place to feel safe secure

So the sorting and throwing out is about to

begin yet again There are closets and drawers

that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to

dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of

booksmdashto give away This move exciting No

way The very thought of it exhausts me

Still those other feelings cathartic freeing

new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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43 FallWinter 2015 Move

Next theme Root

For the Spring 2016 issue tell

us your stories about rooting

around taking root being

uprooted or root-bound getting

to the root of a problem being

the root of the problem rooting

someone on Share stories and

ideas about beginnings origins

and foundations Analyze a

historical or contemporary

grassroots effort Describe

the tension between staying

put and being stuck Send your

submission (400 words maxi-

mum) by February 15 2016 to

postsoregonhumanitiesorg

Submissions may be edited for

space or clarity

Listen to Your Body

I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y

motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease

Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit

and spot-on timing Though she was confined

to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was

still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her

sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-

cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone

have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but

aching joints diminished strength and a fal-

tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back

Those maladies werenrsquot the result of

chronic disease More like lack of exercise At

some point in the past decade or so I developed

an aversion to any fitness routine That choice

has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo

class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community

Center

Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the

center for the past thirty-six years teaches

the dance-infused workout three days a week

Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at

the core of each class She dispenses praise as

we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform

deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements

and she encourages each of us to breathe and

listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably

youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying

ballet seriously By then her versatility as an

actress singer dancer and comedian had been

evident in community theater productions in

the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although

not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few

years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe

continues to lead a full life She can still stand

and press her palms flat to the floor despite

relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip

notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg

and stretch at the barre

A role model for agi ng wit h presence and

dignity Lynn maintains her considerable

charm and elegance and purposely keeps her

body and mind active Like my mother she

is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has

inspired me to accept what my body can do

today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow

Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for

getting up in the morning And by some mea-

sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE

Portland

Over the Hill

I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D

eleven times in three years I worked spring

through fall as a natural history guide in

Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure

where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned

into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply

moved around A lot With each new tempo-

rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked

clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was

nothing

At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the

person who would become my life partner

another seasonal worker We would move from

Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We

lived one magical off-season on a houseboat

on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the

ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught

me I loved wide-open spaces What could be

wider than the Pacific A fter one more season

of guiding I came back to the coast and decided

to stay

I volunteered my way into one steady job

and eventually landed another at the local

college After a few more seasons my partner

came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota

and we bought another together He built a

business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our

hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and

had a child Wersquod officially settled down

The economic hardships of rural living

however are real job opportunities decline

and can no longer support the life wersquove built

The accumulation of years no longer fits into

the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner

took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast

and we lived as a split family The split was tax-

ing though so we decided to make the move

to the city We left the first community of our

adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven

ourselves The only community our daughter

has even known Friends asked me not to go

Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart

still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the

sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes

at the memory of that moon over Tillamook

Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot

nothingmdashitrsquos every thing

NANCY SLAVIN Portland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities44

Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm

LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015

This intertwined story of two

teenage girls and their mothers

is set in New Orleans during

and after Hurricane Katrina

In her debut novel Urbani an

Oregon writer with Southern

roots brings a maternal touch

to the narrative handling trag-

edy with a careful soulfulness

and love This honest yet brutal

story will simultaneously break

and warm your heart

mdashAnnie Kaffen

At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015

Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French

Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the

Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural

French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-

tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans

and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a

snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland

Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015

Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the

Oregon physician and radicalrsquos

extraordinary experiences

from her early years working in

a textile mill in New Bedford

Massachusetts through her

activist years in Oregon includ-

ing a three-year term at San

Quentin State Prison Equi lived

openly as a lesbian beginning in

the 1890s and was one of the

first practicing female doctors

in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and

compassion for others with a

strong personal belief in social

and economic justice

mdashCarole Shel lhart

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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45 FallWinter 2015 Move

People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015

This debut collection from

Portland writer Margaret

Malone is filled with brief

bitterly funny stories about the

sort of people who tie them-

selves in knots in their heads

and feel uncomfortable in their

own skin and can never quite

bring themselves to say the

words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point

includes all of us

mdashBen Waterhouse

The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015

Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer

The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with

Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research

for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the

first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of

revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced

a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer

in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he

writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo

mdashMaggie Starr

To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for

Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon

Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205

Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe

Sasquatch Books 2015

Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter

Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt

to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography

in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers

a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden

rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance

sounds smells and much more

mdashBen Waterhouse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities46

Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson

February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum

1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg

CROPPINGS

Wendy Red Star Untitled

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities programs are

funded by the National Endowment

for the Humanities and the Oregon

Cultural Trust and by contributions from

individuals foundations community

organizations and corporations For

more information about Oregon

Humanities or to learn how you can help

more Oregonians get together share

ideas listen think and grow please

contact us at

921 SW Washington Street Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax

(503) 241-0024

ohmoregonhumanitiesorg

oregonhumanitiesorg

Staff

e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r

Adam Davis

facilitation and tra ining manager

Rachel Bernstein

communicationsprogram associate

Eloise Holland

editorassociate director

Kathleen Holt

development director

Kamla Hurst

program officer

Annie Kaffen

office manager

Mikaela Schey

director of finance and oper ations

Carole Shellhart

development associate

Maggie Starr

communications associate

Ben Waterhouse

program coordinator

Kyle Weismann-Yee

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Board of Directorsch a i r

Sona Karentz Andrews Portland

v ic e ch a i r

Janet Webster Newport

tr e a s u r e r

Jeff Cronn Portland

secretary

Matthew Boulay Salem

Paul Duden Portland

Kimberly Howard Portland

Nels Johnson Portland

Emily Karr Portland

Shannon Mara Bend

Win McCormack Portland

Alberto Moreno Portland

Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego

Ron Paul Portland

Denise Reed Astoria

Chantal Strobel Bend

Dave Weich Portland

Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED

Non-profit Org

US Postage

PAID

Permit No 1274

Portland OR

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities16

Ludwick says is a waste of money

Ludwick recalls an illustration he saw in a social studies text-

book he had in high school ldquoIt was of this giant cooking potrdquo

he says ldquoPeople from all over the world are jumping inmdashpeople

with sombreros and so on And in the picture Uncle Sam is stir-

ring itmdashstirring the pot the melting pot And the people who had

jumped in earlier are now climbing out dressed like Americans

They had coats and ties onrdquo

ldquoThe point isrdquo he says ldquoit was about assimilation It used to

be you come to America to become an American Not a Hispanic

American New immigrants today donrsquot want to be assimilated

They want to divide themselves off from us while imposing their

cultural beliefs on usrdquo

The threat Ludwick sees is about more than language Itrsquos

about influence and powermdashless about reforming immigration

laws than it is about forcing a cultural norm on Oregonrsquos immi-

grants His grouprsquos attention to Latinos in particular is basedin sheer numbersmdash40 percent of immigrants in Oregon were

born in Mexicomdashbut also on the success of organi zations such

as Causa Oregon to push a political agenda These groups have

had some victories including a 2013 law allowing college tuition

grants for undocumented students who attended Oregon high

schools But the doors of power have not been knocked open

The state has seen only one Latino elected official statewide

(former state schools superintendent Susan Castillo) and only

a handf ul of legislators

What Oregonians for Immigration Reform plays on is fearmdash

the fear of a non-Latino majority losing influence and facing

discrimination for not speaking Spanish In its troubled his-tory Oregon has turned on the ldquootherrdquo foreigners blacks any

faceless group accused of stealing something from the rest of us

including jobs culture andmdashnowmdashlanguage

The last thing Oregon needs is another dark chapter of rac-

ism disguised as nationalistic duty What the state could use

instead is a moment of illumination and courage

Itrsquos happened before in another context A half century ago

Oregon set out to protect its farms and forests by carefully plan-

ning for the rapid population growth that was coming Its lead-

ers (primari ly Governor Tom McCall) engaged in a long often

rending discussion about the need for land-use laws Invective

followedmdashfoes called Oregon a communist state and voters in

many parts of the state would still erase land-use laws from the

books in a hea rtbeat given the chance But it took someone with

guts to cha llenge hardened beliefs and prepare Oregon for the

future

Itrsquos time for another conversation this one about the chang-

ing face of the state Oregonrsquos long history with a whites-only

club running things is ending Imagine seeing a leader in Oregon

brave enough to embrace that futuremdashespecially now that the

nationrsquos political debate is oozing anti-immigrant poison

A future Oregon leader who gets up the nerve to t alk about

the value of a more diverse Oregonmdashand the need to account

for itmdashneed look no further than Woodburn a city that thirty

years ago no one would predict would be a model for cultural

tolerance The town struggled with change as Latino and Rus-

sian immigrants came to the area Today Woodburn proudly

talks of its ldquoLittle Mexicordquo business district The school district

has seen enormous success in graduating students from high

school in large part because of its bilingual approach in theclassroom The city routinely sends out information about the

library parks and water bills in English and Spanish And the

cityrsquos website has a button that allows visitors to translate its

pages into thirty-six lang uages

Alonso Leon says that despite Woodburnrsquos progress the city

has a lot of ground to gain when it comes to making itself open

to everyone She says the city council rarely sees members of the

Latino community appear before it and that the only Spanish

speakers who attend meetings on a regular basis are usually her

parents who like to watch her in action She says the city has

formed a committee to find ways Woodburn can knock down

cultural and language barriers that keep non-English speakersfrom believing they have a role in civic debates

ldquoWe need to do more to make ourselves inviting and avail-

ablerdquo she says ldquoTelling people only English is acceptable in

government runs against the idea that everyone has the right

to be heardrdquo

Alonso Leon won an appointment to city council in 2013 and

must run for her seat this year if she wa nts to keep it Shersquos never

sought public office before and she could appear on the same

election ballot as Trump and the Oregonians for Immigration

Reform measuremdashan irony that isnrsquot lost on her

Alonso Leon expects a campaign wil l test her Shersquod be the

third Latino elected to the council (shersquos the only one serving

there now) and she says she has never been afraid to tell her story

ldquoIf people are asking questions and scrutinizing who I am

that means theyrsquore considering me or someone like merdquo she

says ldquoAnd that in itself is progressrdquo

Brent Walth has been an Oregon journalist since 1984 Hersquos

the former managing editor at Willamette Week and senior

investigative reporter for the Oregonian and author of Fire at

Edenrsquos Gate a biography of Oregon Governor Tom McCall

Hersquos now an assistant professor in the University of Oregon

School of Journalism and Communication

The threat Ludwicksees is about more thanlanguage Itrsquos about

influence and power

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17 FallWinter 2015 Move

Communityin Flux

A long-persecuted people begins to speak out

I N P O R T L A N D T H E C H R I S T M A S O F 1 9 4 4 W A S B I T -

terly cold and blanketed in white It snowed for days and

stayed close to freezing as the New Year approached But Port-

landers were distracted from the unusually cruel weather by

news that Portland Mayor Earl Riley was forcing dozens of

Roma out of the citymdashand by God it was about time the news-papers crowed Although many members of the local Kalderash

community of Roma had been working in the Kaiser shipyard

factories for the US war effort elected officials law enforce-

ment and the media fell over themselves to justify r unning the

Roma out of town

The Oregon Journal reported that encouraged by police the

Romamdashdescribed as ldquothe gaily dressed wanderersrdquomdashasked for

assistance to return to Texas and New Mexico because Portland

was ldquotoo coldrdquo for them Mayor R iley p ersuaded the US Of fice

of Price Administration (OPA) the federal bureau in charge of

rationing to issue special gas rations to the Roma so they could

make the drive south

The Oregonian considered this a ldquonotable featrdquo by the mayor

not only because the OPArsquos rationing of items like gas rubber

sugar and butter was so strict but also because Riley was ldquogetting

rid of at least half the gy psies [who] have been afflicting the cityrdquo

ldquoWe are right proud of our mayorrdquo the paper wrote

This was the same Mayor Riley who is purported to be one of

the most corrupt mayors in Portlandrsquos history Though his office

accused the Roma of using fortune-telling as a front for prostitu-

tion Riley allegedly kept a special safe in City Hall just for the

bribes he collected from these same types of criminal opera-

tions He was neither indicted nor punished despite criticism bythe City Club of Portland instead he amassed a fortune in ille-

gal enterprises over his lifetime Meanwhile the Roma families

LISA LOVING

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Oregon Humanities18

A detective and two policemen

escort two arrested Romani women

from the paddy wagon into the

Police Headquarters building at SW

2nd amp Oak in 1951

in Portland barely got by sometimes using abandoned storefronts as homes

Carol Silvermanmdasha professor of cultural anthropology and folklore at the

University of Oregon who has studied worked with and advocated for Roma

locally and around the world for almost forty yearsmdashsays the group of Roma in

Portland who came to work in the shipyards during the war were turned upon

when the war was over ldquoJust like Rosie the Riveter when women no longer were

needed for welding and [were told they] should go back to the homerdquo Silverman

says ldquoit was perceived that this group of Roma was no longer needed in the cityPerceived as foreign outsiders dangerous [they were] given these gas rations to

drive out of staterdquo

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19 FallWinter 2015 Move

COURTESY THOMAS ROBINSON

Roma in America today are a community in flux Families

still identify their lineages through distinct ethnic communi-

ties sometimes called tribes including the Sinti Romanichal

and Kalderash and these communities tend to blend in with

the mainstream In the Northwest a look through local busi-

ness listings will not reveal any obvious groups or organiza-

tions serving them except a handful of very tight-knit Christian

churches Most Kalderash would prefer to live under the radar

says Silverman for a compelling historical reason almost

everywhere theyrsquove gone Roma people have been oppressed by

both government and society

Originally from India Roma communities are traditionally

nomadic From the fourteenth century until the Romanian

emancipation of 1864 Roma were enslaved and traded by the

local nobility in a large area of southern Romania including

Walachia and Moldovia with the support of church institutions

Roma moved to the Northwest in the largest numbers after1864 with Kalderash families settling in the area between 1880

and 1920 Silverman says ldquoFrom the first time they came to

America there were rules regulating where Roma could live and

where they could settle and even the kind of work they could do

Many cities had anti-fortune-telling edicts fortune-telling poli-

cies on the books Some cities actually still have themrdquo

Accused of being naturally inferior and prone to crime Roma

people in the Northwest have been targeted and harassed by

local law enforcement and negatively depicted in the media In

1906 the Oregonian wrote ldquoThe police allege that the gypsies

have such a penchant for stealing everything that is not nai led

down that it is necessary always to lsquokeep an eye on themrsquordquo Andthe Ashland Daily Tidings in 1916 wrote ldquoTrue to their inborn

instincts the horde of gypsies which passed through Ashland

last Sunday failed to get out of t he country without committing

a serious depredationrdquo

No scholar has studied discrimination against the Roma as

fully as Ian Hancock a University of Texas at Austin professor of

linguistics English and Asian studies who laid out his findings

in a 2007 research paper He writes that despite five special US

Congressional sessions addressing the increase in anti-Romani

hate crimes in Europe and the correlative increase in Romani

asylum seekers to the United States ldquoThere nevertheless remain

laws on the books in various states and counties that continue

to operate against Gypsies Many of these laws a list of which

fills thirty-four pages were inherited from Europe and were

intended to be used against the earlier Gypsy populations in the

United States they have since found new application against

the more recently arrived and more v isible Eastern European

Roma escaping the post-Communist increase in racial violence

in that region many of whom are seeking political asylum hererdquo

But despite the hostility they have traditionally faced

Romani people have also historically been linchpins of their

local economies Silverman says Roma in Europe worked in

metalcraft which t hey applied in the United States to recopperand re-tin household items at the turn of the century ldquoUntil the

1950s before stainless steel in order to have a working kitchen

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Oregon Humanities20

Most Americanshave no idea

that their owngovernment waspersecuting Romapeople at thesame time Romain Europe werebeing murdered inthe Holocaust

you had to have your pots and pans redonerdquo Silverman says ldquoThis was a real

Romani skillrdquo

This skill in metalwork was perfect for the emerging car industry in 1920s

and rsquo30s America ldquoRoma did this kind of service for many many Northwest

Americans and then eventua lly they got i nto t he car sales businessrdquo Silver-

man says The Romarsquos family-based car repair operations competed directly

with corporate auto repair shops offering an alternative to high-dollar services

with the personal attention of a family business So by World War II not only

was Mayor Riley rsquos expulsion of Roma families cruel but it also likely damaged

the local economy

Most Americans have no idea that their own government was persecut-

ing Roma people at the same time Roma in Europe were being murdered in

the Holocaust The Nazis killed an estimated 220000 to 500000 Roma men

women and childrenmdashperhaps 25 percent of the European Roma populationmdash

between 1935 and 1945 Morgan Ahern a SintiRomanichal Roma and founder

of Seattle-based organization Lolo Diklo Romani Against Racism believes

the number of Roma killed may be as high as 15 million ldquoMany [were killed] inconcentration campsrdquo she says ldquobut many more [were] just shot on the roadrdquo

Silverman agrees that the effect of the Holocaustmdashknown to some Roma as

the Porraimos or ldquothe devouringrdquomdashon the Roma has been ldquoa footnote in most

textbooksrdquo and is only starti ng to be examined in Holocaust museums because

of lobbying by Roma and their allies

Also overlooked in the history of Roma in the United States generations of

Roma children taken from their parents and warehoused in foster care systems

because of lifestyle differences and some families say racism Ahern was one

of those children removed from her family and put into foster care after her

parents were deemed unfit to ta ke care of her because they were Romani and

nomadic

Even today many Romani individuals and families lack birth certificatesand marriage certificates making them vulnerable to government officialsrsquo

whims Silverma n says ldquoThings like being fingerprinted havi ng a birth certifi-

cate might mean that your children are going to be taken away These historic

memories are very very very much alive for Romardquo

After generations of abuse a modest tide of Roma are beginning to speak out

about their civil rights and demand fair t reatment including fair accommoda-

tions in trying to obtain legal documentation for family members who were

born in the United States Silverman who is on the board of the nonprofit Voice

of Roma says she was involved in a c ase in Portland in which it was argued that

oral testimony in a birth is equivalent to a birth certificate ldquoWhen people bear

witness to a marriagerdquo Silverman says ldquoit doesnrsquot matter if therersquos no marriage

certificate It could be issued based on hindsight on memoryrdquo

For a community that has for generations avoided keeping their money in

bank accounts and sending their children to public schools social isolation is

giving way to an emerging movement for empowerment

On the East Coast Kalderash filmmaker George Eli produces films about

his family and is currently building a media channel on Roma And at the

University of Texas Hancock who is Romanichal Roma has spent decades

building the Program of Romani Studies and the Romani Arch ives and Docu-

mentation Center

Ahern founded Lolo Diklo which means ldquored scarfrdquo in 1986 along w ith a

fellow teacher at Seattle Central College The grouprsquos purpose is to document

discrimination and persecution of Romani Ahernrsquos fatherrsquos Romanichal fam-ily have lived in the United States since the 1700s and were originally sent from

Ireland by the British government as slaves Her motherrsquos family were Sinti who

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21 FallWinter 2015 Move

No documentsor oral histories

exist showingwhat happened tothe Roma familiesforced out ofPortland in 1944

arrived in the United States in the late 1930s

fleeing the climate in Germany Her maternal

grandmother pretended to be Italian to get into

the country

Over the years Ahern has traveled through-

out the West Coast lecturing about Roma cul-ture and civil rights She works with Romani

organizations across the United States South

America Canada Europe and Spain

Silverman adds that over the past twenty

years many American Roma have become

born-again Christians establishing their own

churches or joining evangelical congregations

Some of these church leaders are emerging as

community spokespeoplemdashsomething very

new for a community that has been persecuted

for so long ldquoThere are Roma who donrsquot want

to be left alone anymore because they are at a

disadvantage when they are left alonerdquo Silver-

man says ldquoThey are being very brave to actu-

ally interact with t he US court systemrdquo

But despite these efforts even today the dis-

crimination that Roma face by revealing their

heritage remains very real ldquoIn their historical

memory interacting with American institu-

tions has often resulted in a form of marginal-

izationrdquo Silverman says

For example Silverman describes ethnic

profiling by police bureaus through what wereknown as ldquobunco squadsrdquo police bureaus in

the South that had ldquoGypsy unitsrdquo to focus on

ldquoGypsy crimerdquo She says ldquoThis is ethnic profiling of crime

assuming that all Roma commit a certain kind of crime and

certain ki nds of crimes are only committed by Romardquo

The racial profiling of Roma people doesnrsquot stop with law

enforcement it is a staple of local news The language used

in Pacific Northwest news coverage in the past ten years to

describe alleged offenders has hardly changed from what was

writ ten in newspapers in the early 1900s

In 2007 a ldquoNight Cabbierdquo column in Willamette Week

sparked outrage ldquoThe Gypsies apparently are no jokerdquo the

unidentified cab driverwriter penned about the apparent rav-

ings of a customer ldquoDespite what we may think she explains to

us that real Gypsies arenrsquot nomadic livestock thieves but in fact

have been living in her neighborhood for decades And theyrsquore

very bad neighborsrdquo

ldquoThis is racist nonsenserdquo a reader responded ldquoInexcusable

for a serious newspaper to print such offensive content about areal livi ng breathing person in the neighborhood on account of

one of his neighbors For all we know this bigoted fool is the bad

neighborrdquo

No documents or oral histories exist showing what happened

to the Roma families forced out of Portland in 1944 Did they

stay in Texas Did they return to the Northwest Did they find

safety Or were they forced on toward some other location And

most important how in the Information Age is it possible that

the Roma experience has been all but forgotten by the main-

stream of society

Silverman holds out hope that organizations such as Voice of

Roma and Lolo Diklo can help Roma keep from getting caught inunfriendly bureaucratic systems as well as provide an opening

for more outreach and understanding The Portland Romani

Festival a one-day celebration featuring food music and infor-

mation on human rights issues affecting Roma people is ten-

tatively scheduled for late spring 2016 The Festival Romani

Facebook page is a fountain of music and cu ltural events par-

ticularly music performances up and down the West Coast

ldquoI think people should become knowledgeable about Romani

history and discrimination in order to combat itrdquo Silverman

says ldquoIt seems to me that while wersquore talking about ethnic a nd

racial diversity we can no longer eliminate a large group that

has suffered prejudice for so many years and continues to suffer

prejudicerdquo

Thanks to Fair Housing Council of Oregon for sharing this

story with Oregon Humanities through its history bus tour

Lisa Loving has reported on civil rights and diversity in

Oregon for more than fifteen years She is a news and

public affairs producer at KBOO Community Radio 907

FM in Portland and the former news editor of the award-

winning African American community newspaper the

Skanner Her new book How to Be a Citizen Journalist will

be released in 2017 by Microcosm Publishing

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Oregon Humanities22

Like all places Oregon has a brand an identity that distinguishes

it from other places This identity is a pastiche of characteris-

ticsmdashenvironmental and agricultural urban and rural intrepid and

entrepreneurialmdashthat become a kind of shorthand that rightly or

wrongly insiders and outsiders read to understand what this state

and its people collectively value But how much do we the resi-

dents of this place really know about the systems behind these

things that seem to represent our identity

On the pages that follow we look more closely at just four ofthese cultural identifiers and how they move through their individ-

ual systems coho salmon up the Columbia River past historical

sites trash recyclables reusables and compost from Portland to

other parts of the state and the world bicycles buses and cars

up a busy corridor through a rapidly changing neighborhood and

ideas measures and laws through what is sometimes called the

Oregon System

Thanks to sources at the Confluence Project Death with Dignity Friends of the Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge Heiberg Garbage and

Recycling Metro MIG Northwest Power and Conservation Council Ofce of the Secretary of State Oregon History Project Oregon Legis -

lature Portland Bureau of Transportation TriMet and US Forest Servicersquos Pacific Northwest Research Station for their help with this story

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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23 FallWinter 2015 Move

Salmon up the Columbia RiverAFTER SPENDING sixteen to twenty months at sea a coho

salmon begins her journey up the Columbia and Sandy Rivers

back to her natal spawning grounds This amazing biological phe-

nomenon is also rich with cultural significance and the landmarks

she passes upstream mark the politics and history of her species

1 Salmon were central to the Chinook that once inhabited villages

along the lower Columbia and seining was the most important

method used to catch the fish As runs declined in the early twen-

tieth century white fishermen drove the Chinook off Sand Island

and Peacock Spit two of the most productive seining areas in

the estuary Seining was prohibited by Washington in 1934 and

Oregon in 1948

2 On March 16 1806 Meriwether Lewis drew and described a fish

brought to him at Fort Clatsop ldquoThe white Salmon Trout has

now made itrsquos appearance in the creeks near this place one of

them was brought us today by an Indian who had just taken it with

his gig this is a likness of itrdquo The fish was later classified as coho

salmon Oncorhynchus kisutch

3 In 1866 the brothers George W and William Hume and Andrew

S Hapgood established a salmon cannery at Eagle Cliff

Washington packing 4000 cases their first year In 1895 up to

50 Columbia canneries produced 635000 cases of salmon But

by 1977 the pack was just 2547 cases The last major cannery

on the Columbia closed in 1980

4 On November 5 1805 Lewis and Clark recorded a visit to the

ldquoQuathapotle Nationrdquo one of the largest Chinookan villages the

expedition encountered Today Cathlapotle is an archeological site

and the home of a modern plankhouse which serves as an outdoor

classroom and is used by the Chinook Indian Nation

5 In 2008 Maya Linrsquos sculpture Bird Blind was dedicated The blind

lists 134 plants documented by Lewis and Clark along with one

word on their status today thriving threatened endangered or

extinct Coho are listed as threatened today

6 In 2007 the Marmot Dam part of Portland General Electric hydro-

electric project in the Sandy River basin was removed due to

pressure from conservation groups and rising management costs

Built in 1913 by Portland Railway Light and Power Company the

dam provided hydroelectric power to Portland Today salmon navi-gate a free-flowing river mdashTRM

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities24

1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every

other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-

cling one of a number of independent haulers

in the Metro region grind their gears uphill

traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food

scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-

board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue

recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in

the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green

roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-

egory recycling compost and yard waste and

garbage

2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly

either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-

gon Recycling System past the airport in East

Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery

facilities (there are a handful in the region)

which then sell the materials based on demand

in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others

in foreign countries such as China

3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable

waste the other trucks head to Metro Central

Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro

South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-

tions in the region Last year almost a half a

million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos

two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins

other company haulers contractors with con-

struction waste and residential customers with

miscellaneous items not picked up through

home collection service At the transfer station

the sorting process begins

4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature

Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-

ogy Organics outside of North Plains about

twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about

twelve miles north of Corvallis

5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household

items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material

in roads

6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader

then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time

is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer

stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a

three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty

no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush

plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo

According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the

garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material

The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is

often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per

minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to

an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the

plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity

powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM

Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland

Waste fromSouthwestPortland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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25 FallWinter 2015 Move

1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in

winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period

in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a

twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source

TriMet)

HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make

every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-

tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed

Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-

age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo

In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin

Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the

new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue

represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even

signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from

the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles

per hour depending on the time of day

The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars

buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic

signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and

emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one

hundred intersections throughout Portland

Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North

Williams today reflects a different wave of development and

demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share

the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to

bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes

to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density

residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG

Traffic on North Williams Avenue

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities26

Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect

changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-

erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed

law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or

rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already

passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a

referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather

than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-

ers approved this system in 1902

This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an

initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on

a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided

driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal

documentation of US citizenship status

1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three

ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)

Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text

of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall

issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to

provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)

2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-

tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)

3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of

Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative

petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State

Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal

Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)

4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is

certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults

to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88

58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold

of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to

qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-

ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without

requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to

Dec 2013)

5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88

Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor

Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)

6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51

to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails

666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-

croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered

by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed

lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move

(2003)

7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block

saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-

zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the

case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor

General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the

practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The

US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide

law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG

Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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27 FallWinter 2015 Move

SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137

983158983151983145983139983141

N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -

room closet I came across a box of old family photographs

I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color

photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-

ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five

standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie

primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos

hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-

tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against

the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But

the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a

frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat

in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple

of the Sun

A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -

graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one

end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both

L A I L A L A L A M I

Al-Mursquoallaqat

The GoldenOdes of Love

J E N W I C K S T U D I O

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Oregon Humanities28

of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels

science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-

raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to

love books so much perhaps books provided them an education

about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing

from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches

that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-

ing the reign of King Hassan

It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned

to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed

copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from

friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about

whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-

drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new

offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte

which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne

Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others

Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les

petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why

the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion

Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which

the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to

either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan

tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three

Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords

and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo

Of course none of the characters in these books looked or

spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly

all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan

bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their

homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my

own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they

had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary

world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an

alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define

normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like

my country my imagination had been colonized

I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly

the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-

acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the

fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled

my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high

school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes

where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-

yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as

well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father

said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it

was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted

D RISS C H RAI BI

LA

CI VI LISA TIO N

MA M E R E

PAR

ALEXANDRE DUMAS

Taha Hussein

THE

DA YS

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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29 FallWinter 2015 Move

When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same

school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum

el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine

At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were

taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled

with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still

the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-

language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from

the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi

al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the

Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese

Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-

moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some

of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved

each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a

classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-

els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan

authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-

tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren

It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read

adult literature on my own and independently from school that

I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-

ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos

La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a

sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin

Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book

that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment

of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read

lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was

as fertile ground for fiction as any other

And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature

nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in

French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after

all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-

latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss

Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was

ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a

particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made

it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I

was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train

in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco

medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-

ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my

hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat

or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-

matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely

be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study

linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in

a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in

an analytica l way

Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in

Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship

to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait

I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and

racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School

of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work

of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went

back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how

often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes

Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in

our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in

formal soireacutees French was de rigueur

Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-

guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles

and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in

English which made me think even more about the relationship

between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a

prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power

an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people

The education I had received had emphasized the importance

of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our

media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the

shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed

in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored

by the French government for free access to books The role of

Every time I went back

to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much

and how often we moved

between French and

Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not

went through life

switching between codes

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Oregon Humanities30

French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a

cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no

longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case

of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should

not be writing at all

I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish

after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried

to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of

me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that

stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have

immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the

native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow

me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred

to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic

languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought

Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my

days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use

English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the

linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh

perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a

child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-

gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the

same story

I have always written because I have always had the urge to

tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided

that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-

thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my

race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-

larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while

the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and

waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had

enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos

phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-

rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat

seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of

others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the

works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s

such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in

the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and

sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing

graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had

always told stories but now I wanted to be heard

This essay was first published in World Literature Today

Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami

Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The

Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The

Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy

Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for

Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016

Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16

and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for

more information and to buy tickets

Writing in French came

at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial

baggage that I no longer

wanted to carry I started

to suffer from a peculiar

case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic

perhaps I should not be

writing at all

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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31 FallWinter 2015 Move

A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good

LORETTA STINSON

I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M

every day after work waiting for Bruce to

get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching

myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me

sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on

from a distance at whatever is happening to

me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie

and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-

kick of the star or I play a supporting role but

I am definitely not the star of this movie The

moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom

just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been

able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed

freak for fifteen years

Sun through the small rectangular win-

dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats

wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in

1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from

the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom

watchi ng my past present a nd future selves

do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental

after another waiting for the next bad thing

to happen and not getting out of the way even

when I see it coming The habit of living in con-

stant fear and the resignation that nothing can

ever change are the glue that holds me in place

This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting

on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on

Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on

hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the

future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who

can only be counted on not to be counted on

In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses

and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about

J U L I A N N A B R I O N

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Oregon Humanities32

detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot

change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-

ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what

the old-timers were saying Needless to say

I didnrsquot

Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go

home and try some new strategy to make Bruce

quit using I once read a book about how sugar

was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding

him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein

diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck

them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat

and beer is a very filling meal in itself When

he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put

in front of him but speed and alcohol are his

drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-

ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never

remembers what he does to me and since he

doesnrsquot remember I have to forget

It be what it be Bruce says about all things

unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color

electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it

be Today I see things clearly for the first time

Today I see myself on this couch waiting for

someone else to do the changing Today I see

that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be

my life until the day he kills me or he dies or

I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been

disappointed too many times Addiction his to

drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove

been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot

see my part until now

My only friend has been telling me for

months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I

have left many times for a day or a week but

Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop

drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs

to me for the first time that this is absurd and a

huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe

itrsquos me who needs to change and not because

that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction

is his business

Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll

be wasted because it was payday and most of

his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-

ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood

alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or

hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how

those will interact with his mood the kind of

day he had and if hersquos eaten

None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for

such a long time that I could Like every person

who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that

if I did all the right things I would figure out a

way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on

his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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33 FallWinter 2015 Move

I worked like some kind of crazy statistician

making up story problems to predict what he

might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job

and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without

eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito

at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos

left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going

to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-

ing home mistakes his second wife for his first

wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out

Please show your work

I have never been able to figure out the rec-

ipe for equilibrium His or mine

Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce

comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not

wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face

slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat

the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says

Itrsquos not really a question but I answer

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him

clearly for the first time I see his addiction in

action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have

nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest

thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can

do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look

at him for too long when hersquos been drinking

kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash

you just back away slowly and try not to piss

him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows

too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how

little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs

to believe because he has to be mad at some-

one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom

just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by

the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about

nothing that it was never my face that pissed

him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He

needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave

to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do

no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a

revelation

He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you

looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on

the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-

spread that covers its stained sagging cush-

ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier

mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore

afraid when hersquos like this and they should be

Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that

hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what

if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities34

dead or at least not living just existing on the

edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story

Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom

suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am

afraid of being killed

I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to

make a home The china teacups that I str ung

together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks

in the window like a mobile The plants my

booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the

sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the

bed my dad and I refinished before I left home

The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday

The fifteen years of history we have together

one year short of half my life tonight not all of

it bad He is no monster just a man struggling

wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to

face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo

He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo

He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo

Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He

screams them at me knowing how in the past

these are the very words that made me cling to

him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go

Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but

this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest

the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about

his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does

Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom

seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man

Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried

to help for his own good right This man Irsquove

tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody

made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when

I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself

Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the

usual responseI know three things tonight Number one

If I stay this will be my life until I die Number

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Oregon Humanities36

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37 FallWinter 2015 Move

M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN

he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline

somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and

believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he

turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean

for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees

in rows

My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home

at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York

City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for

rows of buildings

ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says

In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark

skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the

Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n

My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I

met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo

My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too

often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance

of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He

was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister

a year later

My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my

father a suit They seem happy in the picture

Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put

half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband

My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years

My grandmother died

All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a

life rocked with waves

P A I G E

V I C K E R S

JASON ARI AS

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Oregon Humanities38

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have

let that slip through thecracksrdquo

My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes

My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why

Grandma was hiding

Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here

To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-

vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where

we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We

have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo

I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened

My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next

closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed

a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time

tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the

process

Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends

Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his

giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist

until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again

We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in

the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-

ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-

lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be

Ama zons)

The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door

I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour

feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean

ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said

We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not

about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same

ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As

kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon

I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower

water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the

high tide after being beached again and again

One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom

decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia

One of my new Olympian friends flicked a

match that started a fire inside my mattress I

tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking

Mom came home and we put the burning

bed outside

This isnrsquot a metaphor

I slept on the floor of my bedroom that

night missing the ocean of Grayland while my

mom and sister shared their bed in the room

next to mine The next morning my mattress

was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-

ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a

popular song on the radio at the time One of us

would start singing the lyrics

How can we dance when our earth is turning

and then wersquod all join in

How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh

But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame

Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-

land That no matter how many times we

were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty

porous flotation device on which to try to

reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe

even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the

way we did as something gia nt and limit less

something to be feared and conquered some-

thing to be moved by

In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a

flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called

my name and the light receded back down the

hall disappearing into the living room and

slipping out the front door

We discovered that the flickering light had

left wax shapes on the carpet of our living

room that could have been bad pentagrams or

the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It

left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot

take any money It left us wondering if some

past boyfriend had found us somehow

Whi le we were out the next day somebody

hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment

door Mom winced at the divots denting the

wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing

mechanism once was with her hand

We left the dishes in the sink

We left no forwarding address

We boarded a bus

Two days later we were on the doorstep of

the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with

a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my

backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase

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39 FallWinter 2015 Move

in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever

received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer

trophies in the other

At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude

who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-

thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been

there were two concave smooth-skinned div-

ots She was always smiling I liked watching

how Jude listened

Before long the four of us moved into an

apartment between Portland and Gresham It

was right on the MAX line and right on the city

line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-

landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign

that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block

to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch

my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but

Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the

perfect space for her She said it was easier for

her to know where everything was in a smaller

environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond

than an ocean

One day Jude brought her new boyfriend

home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo

ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said

Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor

and said ldquo White peoplerdquo

I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was

wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what

ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to

a blind person

Red is the rage in your gut

White is the entrapment of the disabled

One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend

and her room became a closet again

We saw her a little and then not at all

Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to

Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally

almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of

my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday

cards and pictures that were inside it

Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-

day cards away

My wife and I began archiving our new fam-

ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with

the rest of them Our sons grew I became an

uncle My grandfather remarried and went

crazy My mother still has the same smile she

had when I was young

Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a

bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple

of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary

There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help

you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear

Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie

each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out

If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads

directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end

points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably

guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock

between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled

and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long

by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of

human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of

the Mayan calendar

In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and

I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of

the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam

When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-

land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else

ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says

one night while wersquore lying in bed

And I do

I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that

had to happen I listen to our breath

In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I

make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My

finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving

And then the line disappears

And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and

falling together

Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the

Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life

Poems and Stories of the Dead

If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between

Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities40

READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts

One hundred moves and not one of

them associated with the military

a job or being on the run

The Ledger

Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G

through a yard sale I picked up an old

ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-

ance Company of New York A large thin hard-

bound ledger black with a red spine eleven

inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by

insurance agents to track insurers and their

policies all entries written by hand There was

only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty

cents the rest of the pages were blank After

years of treasuring its antiquity but making

no entries of my own I tore the one used page

out and decided to start tracking al l my moves

before my memory lost track I sat down and

recorded all the moves I remembered over one

hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my

parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them

associated with the military a job or being on

the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-

derlust and exploration then relationships

and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad

landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just

being unable as a single parent to bear the rent

and high heating bills Once my oldest son and

I landed in a decent house that could hold us

indefinitely After three months I was drawn to

cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted

to gather them touch them fill their empti-

ness with our lives When I realized what was

going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in

that house for two years then moved to Hawai i

Now the kids are grown the grandkids are

teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos

no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-

foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a

semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided

me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she

said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo

As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot

out of my feet and sink into the ground I was

so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here

three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot

want to move

What have I lea rned th rough al l these

moves Adaptability being and living in the

now and that there is glory in both staying and

moving but it is much easier and cheaper to

stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland

Out of the Nest

I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E

back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze

tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last

time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex

where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs

Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot

stepped inside the apartment for eight months

To do so would risk my life

ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-

tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February

I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following

weekmdashfor six months

Left behind with Michael were our surro-

gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy

and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned

starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier

It was last October when I first developed

symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-

ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse

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41 FallWinter 2015 Move

This is where the plates layers of crust

crashed into each other in a fiery show

perhaps tens of thousands of years ago

Soon breathing was excruciating I took

shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain

Paralyzing fatigue set in

My endocrinologist suspected chronic

obstructive pulmonary disease which made

little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I

began scouring descriptions of lung conditions

Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity

pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung

Relief and terror flooded in

If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-

monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a

terminal condition in which scarring causes

respiratory failure within three to five years

Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif

caught early But the solution is drastic We

would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-

ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even

be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the

parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would

have a new ending

Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms

lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper

grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-

pice moments before plummeting

Today we are moving the last of our belong-

ings into our first house The kitties and birdies

have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed

While I cannot hold my babies I watch them

on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the

two-way speaker

From rescue feedings to teenage angst to

nighttime vigils during illness in caring for

these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging

from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety

Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey

take their first tentative steps toward flight

Today I learned the most painful lesson let-

ting go

MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene

Subduction Zones

T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK

were on an af ternoon in early Septem-

ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for

the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper

and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our

ankles

Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-

berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend

and is directly responsible for the creation of

Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back

then one that I sometimes imagined looked

like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus

Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of

the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale

their name suggests but the result of plates

shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-

tion led to the formation of the trio This is

where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into

each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-

sands of years ago Subduction zones are places

where great trauma lies

And here I was all these years later in the

shadows of these mountains loss everywhere

Later that day back at our apartment we

walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit

into anymore For more than a year we went

through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern

Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that

followed us Then one day our four-year-old

daughter started a conversation that shook me

ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo

I nodded

ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so

sadrdquo

Six words leapt at me

ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo

We moved back to Ash land where brig ht

red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-

hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot

know it then but we were charting our own

map however imperfect Healing crept up on

us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-

ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew

Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng

up the darkness Seventeen years passed

And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most

folks want to flee helps you see things more

clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in

its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along

VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland

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Oregon Humanities42POSTS

continued from previous page

Just to

underscore

how settled we

planned to be

we unpacked

EverythingEven the

heirloom china

which had never

before left its

boxes We were

here to stay

Dance Church

SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I

go to church Dance church A church

where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers

to recite A church where at first glance outsid-

ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon

arriving I see a few little munchkins running

around with oversize neon headphones on to

protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music

set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with

rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors

There are flowers candles pillow puddles

beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some

kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in

alignment with the morningrsquos intention

As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s

become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-

tainer in which I can move once again after

years of chronic freezing and dissociating A

trapped animal released back into the wild

wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom

in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism

evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with

anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our

spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist

The music awakens the holy spirit within

me and dances me through throngs of people

I am an antelope cut loose checking out the

creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns

bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms

Each stunning in their authentic movement I

see people falling in love with each other from

a distance I see a girl rocking four different

Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed

like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands

ldquopracticing dancingrdquo

This is the church of Miriam the biblical

tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of

years later I move here and I am reunited with

my self my best self my most curious mischie-

vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self

Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten

invited back in the room to whip her hair back

and forth I throw my head back in delight and

laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like

hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form

of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music

EMILY I BEDAL Portland

Again

M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R

upwardly mobile engineer That trans-

lated into at least one move per year until I was

eight and another address for high school I

moved every year in college one year twice I

moved three times during my first stint in Bos-

ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-

ment for the whole two years Then it was back

to Boston where I lived in five different homes

in five years

Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for

the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe

two years back East then back to New Mexico

in two different cities three different homes

Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates

what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo

From Albuquerque we moved to our present

home in Port Orford my thirt ieth

Moving has always been exciting cathar-

tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books

by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally

donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-

ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated

magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets

ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit

thatrsquos never happened In each new house

wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos

never worked

We vowed Port Orford would be our final

ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore

how settled we planned to be we unpacked

Everything Even the heirloom china which

had never before left its boxes We were here

to stay

Except it seems wersquore going to have to move

again but not for the exciting futures wersquod

always envisioned before Now we need doctors

and hospitals and a nearby airport for family

visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is

on the other side of adventure Now we need a

place to feel safe secure

So the sorting and throwing out is about to

begin yet again There are closets and drawers

that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to

dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of

booksmdashto give away This move exciting No

way The very thought of it exhausts me

Still those other feelings cathartic freeing

new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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43 FallWinter 2015 Move

Next theme Root

For the Spring 2016 issue tell

us your stories about rooting

around taking root being

uprooted or root-bound getting

to the root of a problem being

the root of the problem rooting

someone on Share stories and

ideas about beginnings origins

and foundations Analyze a

historical or contemporary

grassroots effort Describe

the tension between staying

put and being stuck Send your

submission (400 words maxi-

mum) by February 15 2016 to

postsoregonhumanitiesorg

Submissions may be edited for

space or clarity

Listen to Your Body

I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y

motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease

Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit

and spot-on timing Though she was confined

to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was

still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her

sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-

cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone

have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but

aching joints diminished strength and a fal-

tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back

Those maladies werenrsquot the result of

chronic disease More like lack of exercise At

some point in the past decade or so I developed

an aversion to any fitness routine That choice

has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo

class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community

Center

Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the

center for the past thirty-six years teaches

the dance-infused workout three days a week

Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at

the core of each class She dispenses praise as

we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform

deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements

and she encourages each of us to breathe and

listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably

youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying

ballet seriously By then her versatility as an

actress singer dancer and comedian had been

evident in community theater productions in

the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although

not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few

years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe

continues to lead a full life She can still stand

and press her palms flat to the floor despite

relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip

notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg

and stretch at the barre

A role model for agi ng wit h presence and

dignity Lynn maintains her considerable

charm and elegance and purposely keeps her

body and mind active Like my mother she

is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has

inspired me to accept what my body can do

today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow

Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for

getting up in the morning And by some mea-

sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE

Portland

Over the Hill

I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D

eleven times in three years I worked spring

through fall as a natural history guide in

Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure

where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned

into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply

moved around A lot With each new tempo-

rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked

clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was

nothing

At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the

person who would become my life partner

another seasonal worker We would move from

Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We

lived one magical off-season on a houseboat

on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the

ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught

me I loved wide-open spaces What could be

wider than the Pacific A fter one more season

of guiding I came back to the coast and decided

to stay

I volunteered my way into one steady job

and eventually landed another at the local

college After a few more seasons my partner

came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota

and we bought another together He built a

business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our

hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and

had a child Wersquod officially settled down

The economic hardships of rural living

however are real job opportunities decline

and can no longer support the life wersquove built

The accumulation of years no longer fits into

the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner

took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast

and we lived as a split family The split was tax-

ing though so we decided to make the move

to the city We left the first community of our

adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven

ourselves The only community our daughter

has even known Friends asked me not to go

Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart

still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the

sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes

at the memory of that moon over Tillamook

Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot

nothingmdashitrsquos every thing

NANCY SLAVIN Portland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities44

Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm

LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015

This intertwined story of two

teenage girls and their mothers

is set in New Orleans during

and after Hurricane Katrina

In her debut novel Urbani an

Oregon writer with Southern

roots brings a maternal touch

to the narrative handling trag-

edy with a careful soulfulness

and love This honest yet brutal

story will simultaneously break

and warm your heart

mdashAnnie Kaffen

At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015

Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French

Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the

Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural

French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-

tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans

and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a

snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland

Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015

Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the

Oregon physician and radicalrsquos

extraordinary experiences

from her early years working in

a textile mill in New Bedford

Massachusetts through her

activist years in Oregon includ-

ing a three-year term at San

Quentin State Prison Equi lived

openly as a lesbian beginning in

the 1890s and was one of the

first practicing female doctors

in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and

compassion for others with a

strong personal belief in social

and economic justice

mdashCarole Shel lhart

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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45 FallWinter 2015 Move

People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015

This debut collection from

Portland writer Margaret

Malone is filled with brief

bitterly funny stories about the

sort of people who tie them-

selves in knots in their heads

and feel uncomfortable in their

own skin and can never quite

bring themselves to say the

words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point

includes all of us

mdashBen Waterhouse

The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015

Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer

The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with

Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research

for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the

first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of

revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced

a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer

in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he

writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo

mdashMaggie Starr

To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for

Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon

Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205

Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe

Sasquatch Books 2015

Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter

Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt

to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography

in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers

a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden

rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance

sounds smells and much more

mdashBen Waterhouse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities46

Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson

February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum

1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg

CROPPINGS

Wendy Red Star Untitled

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities programs are

funded by the National Endowment

for the Humanities and the Oregon

Cultural Trust and by contributions from

individuals foundations community

organizations and corporations For

more information about Oregon

Humanities or to learn how you can help

more Oregonians get together share

ideas listen think and grow please

contact us at

921 SW Washington Street Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax

(503) 241-0024

ohmoregonhumanitiesorg

oregonhumanitiesorg

Staff

e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r

Adam Davis

facilitation and tra ining manager

Rachel Bernstein

communicationsprogram associate

Eloise Holland

editorassociate director

Kathleen Holt

development director

Kamla Hurst

program officer

Annie Kaffen

office manager

Mikaela Schey

director of finance and oper ations

Carole Shellhart

development associate

Maggie Starr

communications associate

Ben Waterhouse

program coordinator

Kyle Weismann-Yee

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4848

Board of Directorsch a i r

Sona Karentz Andrews Portland

v ic e ch a i r

Janet Webster Newport

tr e a s u r e r

Jeff Cronn Portland

secretary

Matthew Boulay Salem

Paul Duden Portland

Kimberly Howard Portland

Nels Johnson Portland

Emily Karr Portland

Shannon Mara Bend

Win McCormack Portland

Alberto Moreno Portland

Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego

Ron Paul Portland

Denise Reed Astoria

Chantal Strobel Bend

Dave Weich Portland

Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED

Non-profit Org

US Postage

PAID

Permit No 1274

Portland OR

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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17 FallWinter 2015 Move

Communityin Flux

A long-persecuted people begins to speak out

I N P O R T L A N D T H E C H R I S T M A S O F 1 9 4 4 W A S B I T -

terly cold and blanketed in white It snowed for days and

stayed close to freezing as the New Year approached But Port-

landers were distracted from the unusually cruel weather by

news that Portland Mayor Earl Riley was forcing dozens of

Roma out of the citymdashand by God it was about time the news-papers crowed Although many members of the local Kalderash

community of Roma had been working in the Kaiser shipyard

factories for the US war effort elected officials law enforce-

ment and the media fell over themselves to justify r unning the

Roma out of town

The Oregon Journal reported that encouraged by police the

Romamdashdescribed as ldquothe gaily dressed wanderersrdquomdashasked for

assistance to return to Texas and New Mexico because Portland

was ldquotoo coldrdquo for them Mayor R iley p ersuaded the US Of fice

of Price Administration (OPA) the federal bureau in charge of

rationing to issue special gas rations to the Roma so they could

make the drive south

The Oregonian considered this a ldquonotable featrdquo by the mayor

not only because the OPArsquos rationing of items like gas rubber

sugar and butter was so strict but also because Riley was ldquogetting

rid of at least half the gy psies [who] have been afflicting the cityrdquo

ldquoWe are right proud of our mayorrdquo the paper wrote

This was the same Mayor Riley who is purported to be one of

the most corrupt mayors in Portlandrsquos history Though his office

accused the Roma of using fortune-telling as a front for prostitu-

tion Riley allegedly kept a special safe in City Hall just for the

bribes he collected from these same types of criminal opera-

tions He was neither indicted nor punished despite criticism bythe City Club of Portland instead he amassed a fortune in ille-

gal enterprises over his lifetime Meanwhile the Roma families

LISA LOVING

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Oregon Humanities18

A detective and two policemen

escort two arrested Romani women

from the paddy wagon into the

Police Headquarters building at SW

2nd amp Oak in 1951

in Portland barely got by sometimes using abandoned storefronts as homes

Carol Silvermanmdasha professor of cultural anthropology and folklore at the

University of Oregon who has studied worked with and advocated for Roma

locally and around the world for almost forty yearsmdashsays the group of Roma in

Portland who came to work in the shipyards during the war were turned upon

when the war was over ldquoJust like Rosie the Riveter when women no longer were

needed for welding and [were told they] should go back to the homerdquo Silverman

says ldquoit was perceived that this group of Roma was no longer needed in the cityPerceived as foreign outsiders dangerous [they were] given these gas rations to

drive out of staterdquo

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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19 FallWinter 2015 Move

COURTESY THOMAS ROBINSON

Roma in America today are a community in flux Families

still identify their lineages through distinct ethnic communi-

ties sometimes called tribes including the Sinti Romanichal

and Kalderash and these communities tend to blend in with

the mainstream In the Northwest a look through local busi-

ness listings will not reveal any obvious groups or organiza-

tions serving them except a handful of very tight-knit Christian

churches Most Kalderash would prefer to live under the radar

says Silverman for a compelling historical reason almost

everywhere theyrsquove gone Roma people have been oppressed by

both government and society

Originally from India Roma communities are traditionally

nomadic From the fourteenth century until the Romanian

emancipation of 1864 Roma were enslaved and traded by the

local nobility in a large area of southern Romania including

Walachia and Moldovia with the support of church institutions

Roma moved to the Northwest in the largest numbers after1864 with Kalderash families settling in the area between 1880

and 1920 Silverman says ldquoFrom the first time they came to

America there were rules regulating where Roma could live and

where they could settle and even the kind of work they could do

Many cities had anti-fortune-telling edicts fortune-telling poli-

cies on the books Some cities actually still have themrdquo

Accused of being naturally inferior and prone to crime Roma

people in the Northwest have been targeted and harassed by

local law enforcement and negatively depicted in the media In

1906 the Oregonian wrote ldquoThe police allege that the gypsies

have such a penchant for stealing everything that is not nai led

down that it is necessary always to lsquokeep an eye on themrsquordquo Andthe Ashland Daily Tidings in 1916 wrote ldquoTrue to their inborn

instincts the horde of gypsies which passed through Ashland

last Sunday failed to get out of t he country without committing

a serious depredationrdquo

No scholar has studied discrimination against the Roma as

fully as Ian Hancock a University of Texas at Austin professor of

linguistics English and Asian studies who laid out his findings

in a 2007 research paper He writes that despite five special US

Congressional sessions addressing the increase in anti-Romani

hate crimes in Europe and the correlative increase in Romani

asylum seekers to the United States ldquoThere nevertheless remain

laws on the books in various states and counties that continue

to operate against Gypsies Many of these laws a list of which

fills thirty-four pages were inherited from Europe and were

intended to be used against the earlier Gypsy populations in the

United States they have since found new application against

the more recently arrived and more v isible Eastern European

Roma escaping the post-Communist increase in racial violence

in that region many of whom are seeking political asylum hererdquo

But despite the hostility they have traditionally faced

Romani people have also historically been linchpins of their

local economies Silverman says Roma in Europe worked in

metalcraft which t hey applied in the United States to recopperand re-tin household items at the turn of the century ldquoUntil the

1950s before stainless steel in order to have a working kitchen

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Oregon Humanities20

Most Americanshave no idea

that their owngovernment waspersecuting Romapeople at thesame time Romain Europe werebeing murdered inthe Holocaust

you had to have your pots and pans redonerdquo Silverman says ldquoThis was a real

Romani skillrdquo

This skill in metalwork was perfect for the emerging car industry in 1920s

and rsquo30s America ldquoRoma did this kind of service for many many Northwest

Americans and then eventua lly they got i nto t he car sales businessrdquo Silver-

man says The Romarsquos family-based car repair operations competed directly

with corporate auto repair shops offering an alternative to high-dollar services

with the personal attention of a family business So by World War II not only

was Mayor Riley rsquos expulsion of Roma families cruel but it also likely damaged

the local economy

Most Americans have no idea that their own government was persecut-

ing Roma people at the same time Roma in Europe were being murdered in

the Holocaust The Nazis killed an estimated 220000 to 500000 Roma men

women and childrenmdashperhaps 25 percent of the European Roma populationmdash

between 1935 and 1945 Morgan Ahern a SintiRomanichal Roma and founder

of Seattle-based organization Lolo Diklo Romani Against Racism believes

the number of Roma killed may be as high as 15 million ldquoMany [were killed] inconcentration campsrdquo she says ldquobut many more [were] just shot on the roadrdquo

Silverman agrees that the effect of the Holocaustmdashknown to some Roma as

the Porraimos or ldquothe devouringrdquomdashon the Roma has been ldquoa footnote in most

textbooksrdquo and is only starti ng to be examined in Holocaust museums because

of lobbying by Roma and their allies

Also overlooked in the history of Roma in the United States generations of

Roma children taken from their parents and warehoused in foster care systems

because of lifestyle differences and some families say racism Ahern was one

of those children removed from her family and put into foster care after her

parents were deemed unfit to ta ke care of her because they were Romani and

nomadic

Even today many Romani individuals and families lack birth certificatesand marriage certificates making them vulnerable to government officialsrsquo

whims Silverma n says ldquoThings like being fingerprinted havi ng a birth certifi-

cate might mean that your children are going to be taken away These historic

memories are very very very much alive for Romardquo

After generations of abuse a modest tide of Roma are beginning to speak out

about their civil rights and demand fair t reatment including fair accommoda-

tions in trying to obtain legal documentation for family members who were

born in the United States Silverman who is on the board of the nonprofit Voice

of Roma says she was involved in a c ase in Portland in which it was argued that

oral testimony in a birth is equivalent to a birth certificate ldquoWhen people bear

witness to a marriagerdquo Silverman says ldquoit doesnrsquot matter if therersquos no marriage

certificate It could be issued based on hindsight on memoryrdquo

For a community that has for generations avoided keeping their money in

bank accounts and sending their children to public schools social isolation is

giving way to an emerging movement for empowerment

On the East Coast Kalderash filmmaker George Eli produces films about

his family and is currently building a media channel on Roma And at the

University of Texas Hancock who is Romanichal Roma has spent decades

building the Program of Romani Studies and the Romani Arch ives and Docu-

mentation Center

Ahern founded Lolo Diklo which means ldquored scarfrdquo in 1986 along w ith a

fellow teacher at Seattle Central College The grouprsquos purpose is to document

discrimination and persecution of Romani Ahernrsquos fatherrsquos Romanichal fam-ily have lived in the United States since the 1700s and were originally sent from

Ireland by the British government as slaves Her motherrsquos family were Sinti who

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21 FallWinter 2015 Move

No documentsor oral histories

exist showingwhat happened tothe Roma familiesforced out ofPortland in 1944

arrived in the United States in the late 1930s

fleeing the climate in Germany Her maternal

grandmother pretended to be Italian to get into

the country

Over the years Ahern has traveled through-

out the West Coast lecturing about Roma cul-ture and civil rights She works with Romani

organizations across the United States South

America Canada Europe and Spain

Silverman adds that over the past twenty

years many American Roma have become

born-again Christians establishing their own

churches or joining evangelical congregations

Some of these church leaders are emerging as

community spokespeoplemdashsomething very

new for a community that has been persecuted

for so long ldquoThere are Roma who donrsquot want

to be left alone anymore because they are at a

disadvantage when they are left alonerdquo Silver-

man says ldquoThey are being very brave to actu-

ally interact with t he US court systemrdquo

But despite these efforts even today the dis-

crimination that Roma face by revealing their

heritage remains very real ldquoIn their historical

memory interacting with American institu-

tions has often resulted in a form of marginal-

izationrdquo Silverman says

For example Silverman describes ethnic

profiling by police bureaus through what wereknown as ldquobunco squadsrdquo police bureaus in

the South that had ldquoGypsy unitsrdquo to focus on

ldquoGypsy crimerdquo She says ldquoThis is ethnic profiling of crime

assuming that all Roma commit a certain kind of crime and

certain ki nds of crimes are only committed by Romardquo

The racial profiling of Roma people doesnrsquot stop with law

enforcement it is a staple of local news The language used

in Pacific Northwest news coverage in the past ten years to

describe alleged offenders has hardly changed from what was

writ ten in newspapers in the early 1900s

In 2007 a ldquoNight Cabbierdquo column in Willamette Week

sparked outrage ldquoThe Gypsies apparently are no jokerdquo the

unidentified cab driverwriter penned about the apparent rav-

ings of a customer ldquoDespite what we may think she explains to

us that real Gypsies arenrsquot nomadic livestock thieves but in fact

have been living in her neighborhood for decades And theyrsquore

very bad neighborsrdquo

ldquoThis is racist nonsenserdquo a reader responded ldquoInexcusable

for a serious newspaper to print such offensive content about areal livi ng breathing person in the neighborhood on account of

one of his neighbors For all we know this bigoted fool is the bad

neighborrdquo

No documents or oral histories exist showing what happened

to the Roma families forced out of Portland in 1944 Did they

stay in Texas Did they return to the Northwest Did they find

safety Or were they forced on toward some other location And

most important how in the Information Age is it possible that

the Roma experience has been all but forgotten by the main-

stream of society

Silverman holds out hope that organizations such as Voice of

Roma and Lolo Diklo can help Roma keep from getting caught inunfriendly bureaucratic systems as well as provide an opening

for more outreach and understanding The Portland Romani

Festival a one-day celebration featuring food music and infor-

mation on human rights issues affecting Roma people is ten-

tatively scheduled for late spring 2016 The Festival Romani

Facebook page is a fountain of music and cu ltural events par-

ticularly music performances up and down the West Coast

ldquoI think people should become knowledgeable about Romani

history and discrimination in order to combat itrdquo Silverman

says ldquoIt seems to me that while wersquore talking about ethnic a nd

racial diversity we can no longer eliminate a large group that

has suffered prejudice for so many years and continues to suffer

prejudicerdquo

Thanks to Fair Housing Council of Oregon for sharing this

story with Oregon Humanities through its history bus tour

Lisa Loving has reported on civil rights and diversity in

Oregon for more than fifteen years She is a news and

public affairs producer at KBOO Community Radio 907

FM in Portland and the former news editor of the award-

winning African American community newspaper the

Skanner Her new book How to Be a Citizen Journalist will

be released in 2017 by Microcosm Publishing

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities22

Like all places Oregon has a brand an identity that distinguishes

it from other places This identity is a pastiche of characteris-

ticsmdashenvironmental and agricultural urban and rural intrepid and

entrepreneurialmdashthat become a kind of shorthand that rightly or

wrongly insiders and outsiders read to understand what this state

and its people collectively value But how much do we the resi-

dents of this place really know about the systems behind these

things that seem to represent our identity

On the pages that follow we look more closely at just four ofthese cultural identifiers and how they move through their individ-

ual systems coho salmon up the Columbia River past historical

sites trash recyclables reusables and compost from Portland to

other parts of the state and the world bicycles buses and cars

up a busy corridor through a rapidly changing neighborhood and

ideas measures and laws through what is sometimes called the

Oregon System

Thanks to sources at the Confluence Project Death with Dignity Friends of the Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge Heiberg Garbage and

Recycling Metro MIG Northwest Power and Conservation Council Ofce of the Secretary of State Oregon History Project Oregon Legis -

lature Portland Bureau of Transportation TriMet and US Forest Servicersquos Pacific Northwest Research Station for their help with this story

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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23 FallWinter 2015 Move

Salmon up the Columbia RiverAFTER SPENDING sixteen to twenty months at sea a coho

salmon begins her journey up the Columbia and Sandy Rivers

back to her natal spawning grounds This amazing biological phe-

nomenon is also rich with cultural significance and the landmarks

she passes upstream mark the politics and history of her species

1 Salmon were central to the Chinook that once inhabited villages

along the lower Columbia and seining was the most important

method used to catch the fish As runs declined in the early twen-

tieth century white fishermen drove the Chinook off Sand Island

and Peacock Spit two of the most productive seining areas in

the estuary Seining was prohibited by Washington in 1934 and

Oregon in 1948

2 On March 16 1806 Meriwether Lewis drew and described a fish

brought to him at Fort Clatsop ldquoThe white Salmon Trout has

now made itrsquos appearance in the creeks near this place one of

them was brought us today by an Indian who had just taken it with

his gig this is a likness of itrdquo The fish was later classified as coho

salmon Oncorhynchus kisutch

3 In 1866 the brothers George W and William Hume and Andrew

S Hapgood established a salmon cannery at Eagle Cliff

Washington packing 4000 cases their first year In 1895 up to

50 Columbia canneries produced 635000 cases of salmon But

by 1977 the pack was just 2547 cases The last major cannery

on the Columbia closed in 1980

4 On November 5 1805 Lewis and Clark recorded a visit to the

ldquoQuathapotle Nationrdquo one of the largest Chinookan villages the

expedition encountered Today Cathlapotle is an archeological site

and the home of a modern plankhouse which serves as an outdoor

classroom and is used by the Chinook Indian Nation

5 In 2008 Maya Linrsquos sculpture Bird Blind was dedicated The blind

lists 134 plants documented by Lewis and Clark along with one

word on their status today thriving threatened endangered or

extinct Coho are listed as threatened today

6 In 2007 the Marmot Dam part of Portland General Electric hydro-

electric project in the Sandy River basin was removed due to

pressure from conservation groups and rising management costs

Built in 1913 by Portland Railway Light and Power Company the

dam provided hydroelectric power to Portland Today salmon navi-gate a free-flowing river mdashTRM

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities24

1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every

other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-

cling one of a number of independent haulers

in the Metro region grind their gears uphill

traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food

scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-

board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue

recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in

the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green

roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-

egory recycling compost and yard waste and

garbage

2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly

either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-

gon Recycling System past the airport in East

Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery

facilities (there are a handful in the region)

which then sell the materials based on demand

in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others

in foreign countries such as China

3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable

waste the other trucks head to Metro Central

Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro

South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-

tions in the region Last year almost a half a

million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos

two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins

other company haulers contractors with con-

struction waste and residential customers with

miscellaneous items not picked up through

home collection service At the transfer station

the sorting process begins

4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature

Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-

ogy Organics outside of North Plains about

twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about

twelve miles north of Corvallis

5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household

items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material

in roads

6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader

then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time

is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer

stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a

three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty

no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush

plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo

According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the

garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material

The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is

often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per

minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to

an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the

plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity

powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM

Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland

Waste fromSouthwestPortland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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25 FallWinter 2015 Move

1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in

winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period

in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a

twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source

TriMet)

HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make

every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-

tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed

Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-

age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo

In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin

Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the

new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue

represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even

signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from

the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles

per hour depending on the time of day

The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars

buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic

signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and

emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one

hundred intersections throughout Portland

Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North

Williams today reflects a different wave of development and

demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share

the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to

bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes

to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density

residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG

Traffic on North Williams Avenue

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities26

Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect

changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-

erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed

law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or

rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already

passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a

referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather

than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-

ers approved this system in 1902

This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an

initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on

a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided

driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal

documentation of US citizenship status

1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three

ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)

Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text

of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall

issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to

provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)

2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-

tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)

3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of

Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative

petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State

Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal

Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)

4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is

certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults

to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88

58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold

of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to

qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-

ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without

requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to

Dec 2013)

5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88

Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor

Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)

6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51

to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails

666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-

croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered

by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed

lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move

(2003)

7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block

saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-

zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the

case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor

General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the

practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The

US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide

law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG

Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer

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27 FallWinter 2015 Move

SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137

983158983151983145983139983141

N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -

room closet I came across a box of old family photographs

I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color

photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-

ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five

standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie

primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos

hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-

tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against

the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But

the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a

frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat

in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple

of the Sun

A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -

graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one

end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both

L A I L A L A L A M I

Al-Mursquoallaqat

The GoldenOdes of Love

J E N W I C K S T U D I O

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Oregon Humanities28

of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels

science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-

raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to

love books so much perhaps books provided them an education

about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing

from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches

that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-

ing the reign of King Hassan

It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned

to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed

copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from

friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about

whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-

drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new

offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte

which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne

Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others

Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les

petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why

the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion

Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which

the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to

either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan

tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three

Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords

and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo

Of course none of the characters in these books looked or

spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly

all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan

bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their

homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my

own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they

had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary

world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an

alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define

normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like

my country my imagination had been colonized

I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly

the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-

acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the

fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled

my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high

school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes

where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-

yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as

well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father

said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it

was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted

D RISS C H RAI BI

LA

CI VI LISA TIO N

MA M E R E

PAR

ALEXANDRE DUMAS

Taha Hussein

THE

DA YS

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29 FallWinter 2015 Move

When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same

school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum

el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine

At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were

taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled

with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still

the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-

language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from

the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi

al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the

Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese

Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-

moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some

of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved

each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a

classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-

els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan

authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-

tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren

It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read

adult literature on my own and independently from school that

I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-

ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos

La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a

sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin

Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book

that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment

of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read

lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was

as fertile ground for fiction as any other

And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature

nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in

French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after

all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-

latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss

Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was

ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a

particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made

it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I

was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train

in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco

medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-

ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my

hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat

or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-

matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely

be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study

linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in

a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in

an analytica l way

Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in

Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship

to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait

I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and

racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School

of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work

of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went

back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how

often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes

Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in

our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in

formal soireacutees French was de rigueur

Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-

guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles

and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in

English which made me think even more about the relationship

between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a

prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power

an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people

The education I had received had emphasized the importance

of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our

media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the

shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed

in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored

by the French government for free access to books The role of

Every time I went back

to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much

and how often we moved

between French and

Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not

went through life

switching between codes

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Oregon Humanities30

French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a

cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no

longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case

of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should

not be writing at all

I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish

after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried

to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of

me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that

stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have

immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the

native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow

me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred

to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic

languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought

Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my

days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use

English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the

linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh

perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a

child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-

gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the

same story

I have always written because I have always had the urge to

tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided

that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-

thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my

race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-

larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while

the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and

waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had

enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos

phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-

rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat

seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of

others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the

works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s

such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in

the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and

sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing

graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had

always told stories but now I wanted to be heard

This essay was first published in World Literature Today

Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami

Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The

Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The

Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy

Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for

Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016

Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16

and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for

more information and to buy tickets

Writing in French came

at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial

baggage that I no longer

wanted to carry I started

to suffer from a peculiar

case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic

perhaps I should not be

writing at all

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31 FallWinter 2015 Move

A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good

LORETTA STINSON

I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M

every day after work waiting for Bruce to

get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching

myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me

sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on

from a distance at whatever is happening to

me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie

and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-

kick of the star or I play a supporting role but

I am definitely not the star of this movie The

moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom

just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been

able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed

freak for fifteen years

Sun through the small rectangular win-

dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats

wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in

1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from

the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom

watchi ng my past present a nd future selves

do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental

after another waiting for the next bad thing

to happen and not getting out of the way even

when I see it coming The habit of living in con-

stant fear and the resignation that nothing can

ever change are the glue that holds me in place

This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting

on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on

Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on

hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the

future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who

can only be counted on not to be counted on

In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses

and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about

J U L I A N N A B R I O N

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Oregon Humanities32

detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot

change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-

ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what

the old-timers were saying Needless to say

I didnrsquot

Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go

home and try some new strategy to make Bruce

quit using I once read a book about how sugar

was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding

him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein

diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck

them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat

and beer is a very filling meal in itself When

he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put

in front of him but speed and alcohol are his

drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-

ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never

remembers what he does to me and since he

doesnrsquot remember I have to forget

It be what it be Bruce says about all things

unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color

electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it

be Today I see things clearly for the first time

Today I see myself on this couch waiting for

someone else to do the changing Today I see

that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be

my life until the day he kills me or he dies or

I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been

disappointed too many times Addiction his to

drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove

been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot

see my part until now

My only friend has been telling me for

months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I

have left many times for a day or a week but

Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop

drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs

to me for the first time that this is absurd and a

huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe

itrsquos me who needs to change and not because

that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction

is his business

Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll

be wasted because it was payday and most of

his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-

ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood

alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or

hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how

those will interact with his mood the kind of

day he had and if hersquos eaten

None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for

such a long time that I could Like every person

who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that

if I did all the right things I would figure out a

way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on

his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine

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33 FallWinter 2015 Move

I worked like some kind of crazy statistician

making up story problems to predict what he

might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job

and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without

eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito

at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos

left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going

to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-

ing home mistakes his second wife for his first

wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out

Please show your work

I have never been able to figure out the rec-

ipe for equilibrium His or mine

Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce

comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not

wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face

slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat

the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says

Itrsquos not really a question but I answer

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him

clearly for the first time I see his addiction in

action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have

nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest

thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can

do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look

at him for too long when hersquos been drinking

kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash

you just back away slowly and try not to piss

him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows

too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how

little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs

to believe because he has to be mad at some-

one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom

just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by

the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about

nothing that it was never my face that pissed

him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He

needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave

to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do

no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a

revelation

He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you

looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on

the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-

spread that covers its stained sagging cush-

ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier

mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore

afraid when hersquos like this and they should be

Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that

hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what

if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already

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Oregon Humanities34

dead or at least not living just existing on the

edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story

Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom

suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am

afraid of being killed

I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to

make a home The china teacups that I str ung

together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks

in the window like a mobile The plants my

booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the

sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the

bed my dad and I refinished before I left home

The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday

The fifteen years of history we have together

one year short of half my life tonight not all of

it bad He is no monster just a man struggling

wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to

face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo

He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo

He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo

Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He

screams them at me knowing how in the past

these are the very words that made me cling to

him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go

Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but

this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest

the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about

his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does

Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom

seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man

Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried

to help for his own good right This man Irsquove

tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody

made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when

I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself

Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the

usual responseI know three things tonight Number one

If I stay this will be my life until I die Number

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities36

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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37 FallWinter 2015 Move

M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN

he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline

somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and

believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he

turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean

for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees

in rows

My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home

at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York

City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for

rows of buildings

ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says

In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark

skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the

Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n

My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I

met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo

My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too

often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance

of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He

was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister

a year later

My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my

father a suit They seem happy in the picture

Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put

half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband

My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years

My grandmother died

All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a

life rocked with waves

P A I G E

V I C K E R S

JASON ARI AS

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Oregon Humanities38

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have

let that slip through thecracksrdquo

My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes

My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why

Grandma was hiding

Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here

To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-

vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where

we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We

have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo

I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened

My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next

closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed

a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time

tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the

process

Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends

Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his

giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist

until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again

We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in

the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-

ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-

lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be

Ama zons)

The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door

I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour

feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean

ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said

We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not

about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same

ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As

kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon

I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower

water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the

high tide after being beached again and again

One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom

decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia

One of my new Olympian friends flicked a

match that started a fire inside my mattress I

tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking

Mom came home and we put the burning

bed outside

This isnrsquot a metaphor

I slept on the floor of my bedroom that

night missing the ocean of Grayland while my

mom and sister shared their bed in the room

next to mine The next morning my mattress

was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-

ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a

popular song on the radio at the time One of us

would start singing the lyrics

How can we dance when our earth is turning

and then wersquod all join in

How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh

But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame

Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-

land That no matter how many times we

were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty

porous flotation device on which to try to

reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe

even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the

way we did as something gia nt and limit less

something to be feared and conquered some-

thing to be moved by

In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a

flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called

my name and the light receded back down the

hall disappearing into the living room and

slipping out the front door

We discovered that the flickering light had

left wax shapes on the carpet of our living

room that could have been bad pentagrams or

the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It

left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot

take any money It left us wondering if some

past boyfriend had found us somehow

Whi le we were out the next day somebody

hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment

door Mom winced at the divots denting the

wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing

mechanism once was with her hand

We left the dishes in the sink

We left no forwarding address

We boarded a bus

Two days later we were on the doorstep of

the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with

a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my

backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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39 FallWinter 2015 Move

in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever

received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer

trophies in the other

At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude

who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-

thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been

there were two concave smooth-skinned div-

ots She was always smiling I liked watching

how Jude listened

Before long the four of us moved into an

apartment between Portland and Gresham It

was right on the MAX line and right on the city

line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-

landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign

that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block

to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch

my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but

Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the

perfect space for her She said it was easier for

her to know where everything was in a smaller

environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond

than an ocean

One day Jude brought her new boyfriend

home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo

ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said

Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor

and said ldquo White peoplerdquo

I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was

wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what

ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to

a blind person

Red is the rage in your gut

White is the entrapment of the disabled

One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend

and her room became a closet again

We saw her a little and then not at all

Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to

Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally

almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of

my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday

cards and pictures that were inside it

Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-

day cards away

My wife and I began archiving our new fam-

ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with

the rest of them Our sons grew I became an

uncle My grandfather remarried and went

crazy My mother still has the same smile she

had when I was young

Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a

bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple

of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary

There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help

you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear

Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie

each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out

If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads

directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end

points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably

guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock

between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled

and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long

by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of

human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of

the Mayan calendar

In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and

I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of

the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam

When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-

land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else

ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says

one night while wersquore lying in bed

And I do

I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that

had to happen I listen to our breath

In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I

make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My

finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving

And then the line disappears

And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and

falling together

Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the

Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life

Poems and Stories of the Dead

If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between

Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities40

READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts

One hundred moves and not one of

them associated with the military

a job or being on the run

The Ledger

Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G

through a yard sale I picked up an old

ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-

ance Company of New York A large thin hard-

bound ledger black with a red spine eleven

inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by

insurance agents to track insurers and their

policies all entries written by hand There was

only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty

cents the rest of the pages were blank After

years of treasuring its antiquity but making

no entries of my own I tore the one used page

out and decided to start tracking al l my moves

before my memory lost track I sat down and

recorded all the moves I remembered over one

hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my

parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them

associated with the military a job or being on

the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-

derlust and exploration then relationships

and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad

landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just

being unable as a single parent to bear the rent

and high heating bills Once my oldest son and

I landed in a decent house that could hold us

indefinitely After three months I was drawn to

cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted

to gather them touch them fill their empti-

ness with our lives When I realized what was

going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in

that house for two years then moved to Hawai i

Now the kids are grown the grandkids are

teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos

no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-

foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a

semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided

me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she

said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo

As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot

out of my feet and sink into the ground I was

so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here

three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot

want to move

What have I lea rned th rough al l these

moves Adaptability being and living in the

now and that there is glory in both staying and

moving but it is much easier and cheaper to

stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland

Out of the Nest

I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E

back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze

tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last

time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex

where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs

Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot

stepped inside the apartment for eight months

To do so would risk my life

ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-

tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February

I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following

weekmdashfor six months

Left behind with Michael were our surro-

gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy

and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned

starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier

It was last October when I first developed

symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-

ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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41 FallWinter 2015 Move

This is where the plates layers of crust

crashed into each other in a fiery show

perhaps tens of thousands of years ago

Soon breathing was excruciating I took

shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain

Paralyzing fatigue set in

My endocrinologist suspected chronic

obstructive pulmonary disease which made

little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I

began scouring descriptions of lung conditions

Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity

pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung

Relief and terror flooded in

If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-

monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a

terminal condition in which scarring causes

respiratory failure within three to five years

Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif

caught early But the solution is drastic We

would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-

ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even

be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the

parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would

have a new ending

Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms

lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper

grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-

pice moments before plummeting

Today we are moving the last of our belong-

ings into our first house The kitties and birdies

have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed

While I cannot hold my babies I watch them

on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the

two-way speaker

From rescue feedings to teenage angst to

nighttime vigils during illness in caring for

these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging

from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety

Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey

take their first tentative steps toward flight

Today I learned the most painful lesson let-

ting go

MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene

Subduction Zones

T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK

were on an af ternoon in early Septem-

ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for

the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper

and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our

ankles

Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-

berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend

and is directly responsible for the creation of

Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back

then one that I sometimes imagined looked

like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus

Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of

the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale

their name suggests but the result of plates

shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-

tion led to the formation of the trio This is

where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into

each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-

sands of years ago Subduction zones are places

where great trauma lies

And here I was all these years later in the

shadows of these mountains loss everywhere

Later that day back at our apartment we

walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit

into anymore For more than a year we went

through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern

Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that

followed us Then one day our four-year-old

daughter started a conversation that shook me

ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo

I nodded

ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so

sadrdquo

Six words leapt at me

ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo

We moved back to Ash land where brig ht

red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-

hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot

know it then but we were charting our own

map however imperfect Healing crept up on

us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-

ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew

Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng

up the darkness Seventeen years passed

And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most

folks want to flee helps you see things more

clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in

its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along

VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland

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Oregon Humanities42POSTS

continued from previous page

Just to

underscore

how settled we

planned to be

we unpacked

EverythingEven the

heirloom china

which had never

before left its

boxes We were

here to stay

Dance Church

SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I

go to church Dance church A church

where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers

to recite A church where at first glance outsid-

ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon

arriving I see a few little munchkins running

around with oversize neon headphones on to

protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music

set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with

rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors

There are flowers candles pillow puddles

beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some

kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in

alignment with the morningrsquos intention

As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s

become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-

tainer in which I can move once again after

years of chronic freezing and dissociating A

trapped animal released back into the wild

wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom

in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism

evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with

anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our

spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist

The music awakens the holy spirit within

me and dances me through throngs of people

I am an antelope cut loose checking out the

creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns

bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms

Each stunning in their authentic movement I

see people falling in love with each other from

a distance I see a girl rocking four different

Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed

like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands

ldquopracticing dancingrdquo

This is the church of Miriam the biblical

tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of

years later I move here and I am reunited with

my self my best self my most curious mischie-

vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self

Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten

invited back in the room to whip her hair back

and forth I throw my head back in delight and

laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like

hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form

of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music

EMILY I BEDAL Portland

Again

M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R

upwardly mobile engineer That trans-

lated into at least one move per year until I was

eight and another address for high school I

moved every year in college one year twice I

moved three times during my first stint in Bos-

ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-

ment for the whole two years Then it was back

to Boston where I lived in five different homes

in five years

Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for

the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe

two years back East then back to New Mexico

in two different cities three different homes

Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates

what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo

From Albuquerque we moved to our present

home in Port Orford my thirt ieth

Moving has always been exciting cathar-

tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books

by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally

donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-

ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated

magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets

ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit

thatrsquos never happened In each new house

wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos

never worked

We vowed Port Orford would be our final

ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore

how settled we planned to be we unpacked

Everything Even the heirloom china which

had never before left its boxes We were here

to stay

Except it seems wersquore going to have to move

again but not for the exciting futures wersquod

always envisioned before Now we need doctors

and hospitals and a nearby airport for family

visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is

on the other side of adventure Now we need a

place to feel safe secure

So the sorting and throwing out is about to

begin yet again There are closets and drawers

that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to

dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of

booksmdashto give away This move exciting No

way The very thought of it exhausts me

Still those other feelings cathartic freeing

new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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43 FallWinter 2015 Move

Next theme Root

For the Spring 2016 issue tell

us your stories about rooting

around taking root being

uprooted or root-bound getting

to the root of a problem being

the root of the problem rooting

someone on Share stories and

ideas about beginnings origins

and foundations Analyze a

historical or contemporary

grassroots effort Describe

the tension between staying

put and being stuck Send your

submission (400 words maxi-

mum) by February 15 2016 to

postsoregonhumanitiesorg

Submissions may be edited for

space or clarity

Listen to Your Body

I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y

motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease

Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit

and spot-on timing Though she was confined

to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was

still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her

sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-

cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone

have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but

aching joints diminished strength and a fal-

tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back

Those maladies werenrsquot the result of

chronic disease More like lack of exercise At

some point in the past decade or so I developed

an aversion to any fitness routine That choice

has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo

class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community

Center

Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the

center for the past thirty-six years teaches

the dance-infused workout three days a week

Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at

the core of each class She dispenses praise as

we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform

deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements

and she encourages each of us to breathe and

listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably

youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying

ballet seriously By then her versatility as an

actress singer dancer and comedian had been

evident in community theater productions in

the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although

not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few

years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe

continues to lead a full life She can still stand

and press her palms flat to the floor despite

relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip

notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg

and stretch at the barre

A role model for agi ng wit h presence and

dignity Lynn maintains her considerable

charm and elegance and purposely keeps her

body and mind active Like my mother she

is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has

inspired me to accept what my body can do

today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow

Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for

getting up in the morning And by some mea-

sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE

Portland

Over the Hill

I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D

eleven times in three years I worked spring

through fall as a natural history guide in

Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure

where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned

into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply

moved around A lot With each new tempo-

rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked

clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was

nothing

At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the

person who would become my life partner

another seasonal worker We would move from

Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We

lived one magical off-season on a houseboat

on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the

ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught

me I loved wide-open spaces What could be

wider than the Pacific A fter one more season

of guiding I came back to the coast and decided

to stay

I volunteered my way into one steady job

and eventually landed another at the local

college After a few more seasons my partner

came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota

and we bought another together He built a

business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our

hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and

had a child Wersquod officially settled down

The economic hardships of rural living

however are real job opportunities decline

and can no longer support the life wersquove built

The accumulation of years no longer fits into

the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner

took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast

and we lived as a split family The split was tax-

ing though so we decided to make the move

to the city We left the first community of our

adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven

ourselves The only community our daughter

has even known Friends asked me not to go

Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart

still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the

sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes

at the memory of that moon over Tillamook

Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot

nothingmdashitrsquos every thing

NANCY SLAVIN Portland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities44

Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm

LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015

This intertwined story of two

teenage girls and their mothers

is set in New Orleans during

and after Hurricane Katrina

In her debut novel Urbani an

Oregon writer with Southern

roots brings a maternal touch

to the narrative handling trag-

edy with a careful soulfulness

and love This honest yet brutal

story will simultaneously break

and warm your heart

mdashAnnie Kaffen

At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015

Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French

Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the

Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural

French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-

tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans

and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a

snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland

Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015

Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the

Oregon physician and radicalrsquos

extraordinary experiences

from her early years working in

a textile mill in New Bedford

Massachusetts through her

activist years in Oregon includ-

ing a three-year term at San

Quentin State Prison Equi lived

openly as a lesbian beginning in

the 1890s and was one of the

first practicing female doctors

in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and

compassion for others with a

strong personal belief in social

and economic justice

mdashCarole Shel lhart

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4548

45 FallWinter 2015 Move

People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015

This debut collection from

Portland writer Margaret

Malone is filled with brief

bitterly funny stories about the

sort of people who tie them-

selves in knots in their heads

and feel uncomfortable in their

own skin and can never quite

bring themselves to say the

words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point

includes all of us

mdashBen Waterhouse

The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015

Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer

The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with

Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research

for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the

first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of

revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced

a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer

in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he

writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo

mdashMaggie Starr

To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for

Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon

Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205

Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe

Sasquatch Books 2015

Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter

Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt

to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography

in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers

a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden

rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance

sounds smells and much more

mdashBen Waterhouse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4648

Oregon Humanities46

Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson

February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum

1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg

CROPPINGS

Wendy Red Star Untitled

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities programs are

funded by the National Endowment

for the Humanities and the Oregon

Cultural Trust and by contributions from

individuals foundations community

organizations and corporations For

more information about Oregon

Humanities or to learn how you can help

more Oregonians get together share

ideas listen think and grow please

contact us at

921 SW Washington Street Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax

(503) 241-0024

ohmoregonhumanitiesorg

oregonhumanitiesorg

Staff

e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r

Adam Davis

facilitation and tra ining manager

Rachel Bernstein

communicationsprogram associate

Eloise Holland

editorassociate director

Kathleen Holt

development director

Kamla Hurst

program officer

Annie Kaffen

office manager

Mikaela Schey

director of finance and oper ations

Carole Shellhart

development associate

Maggie Starr

communications associate

Ben Waterhouse

program coordinator

Kyle Weismann-Yee

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Board of Directorsch a i r

Sona Karentz Andrews Portland

v ic e ch a i r

Janet Webster Newport

tr e a s u r e r

Jeff Cronn Portland

secretary

Matthew Boulay Salem

Paul Duden Portland

Kimberly Howard Portland

Nels Johnson Portland

Emily Karr Portland

Shannon Mara Bend

Win McCormack Portland

Alberto Moreno Portland

Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego

Ron Paul Portland

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Chantal Strobel Bend

Dave Weich Portland

Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED

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Portland OR

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities18

A detective and two policemen

escort two arrested Romani women

from the paddy wagon into the

Police Headquarters building at SW

2nd amp Oak in 1951

in Portland barely got by sometimes using abandoned storefronts as homes

Carol Silvermanmdasha professor of cultural anthropology and folklore at the

University of Oregon who has studied worked with and advocated for Roma

locally and around the world for almost forty yearsmdashsays the group of Roma in

Portland who came to work in the shipyards during the war were turned upon

when the war was over ldquoJust like Rosie the Riveter when women no longer were

needed for welding and [were told they] should go back to the homerdquo Silverman

says ldquoit was perceived that this group of Roma was no longer needed in the cityPerceived as foreign outsiders dangerous [they were] given these gas rations to

drive out of staterdquo

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19 FallWinter 2015 Move

COURTESY THOMAS ROBINSON

Roma in America today are a community in flux Families

still identify their lineages through distinct ethnic communi-

ties sometimes called tribes including the Sinti Romanichal

and Kalderash and these communities tend to blend in with

the mainstream In the Northwest a look through local busi-

ness listings will not reveal any obvious groups or organiza-

tions serving them except a handful of very tight-knit Christian

churches Most Kalderash would prefer to live under the radar

says Silverman for a compelling historical reason almost

everywhere theyrsquove gone Roma people have been oppressed by

both government and society

Originally from India Roma communities are traditionally

nomadic From the fourteenth century until the Romanian

emancipation of 1864 Roma were enslaved and traded by the

local nobility in a large area of southern Romania including

Walachia and Moldovia with the support of church institutions

Roma moved to the Northwest in the largest numbers after1864 with Kalderash families settling in the area between 1880

and 1920 Silverman says ldquoFrom the first time they came to

America there were rules regulating where Roma could live and

where they could settle and even the kind of work they could do

Many cities had anti-fortune-telling edicts fortune-telling poli-

cies on the books Some cities actually still have themrdquo

Accused of being naturally inferior and prone to crime Roma

people in the Northwest have been targeted and harassed by

local law enforcement and negatively depicted in the media In

1906 the Oregonian wrote ldquoThe police allege that the gypsies

have such a penchant for stealing everything that is not nai led

down that it is necessary always to lsquokeep an eye on themrsquordquo Andthe Ashland Daily Tidings in 1916 wrote ldquoTrue to their inborn

instincts the horde of gypsies which passed through Ashland

last Sunday failed to get out of t he country without committing

a serious depredationrdquo

No scholar has studied discrimination against the Roma as

fully as Ian Hancock a University of Texas at Austin professor of

linguistics English and Asian studies who laid out his findings

in a 2007 research paper He writes that despite five special US

Congressional sessions addressing the increase in anti-Romani

hate crimes in Europe and the correlative increase in Romani

asylum seekers to the United States ldquoThere nevertheless remain

laws on the books in various states and counties that continue

to operate against Gypsies Many of these laws a list of which

fills thirty-four pages were inherited from Europe and were

intended to be used against the earlier Gypsy populations in the

United States they have since found new application against

the more recently arrived and more v isible Eastern European

Roma escaping the post-Communist increase in racial violence

in that region many of whom are seeking political asylum hererdquo

But despite the hostility they have traditionally faced

Romani people have also historically been linchpins of their

local economies Silverman says Roma in Europe worked in

metalcraft which t hey applied in the United States to recopperand re-tin household items at the turn of the century ldquoUntil the

1950s before stainless steel in order to have a working kitchen

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Oregon Humanities20

Most Americanshave no idea

that their owngovernment waspersecuting Romapeople at thesame time Romain Europe werebeing murdered inthe Holocaust

you had to have your pots and pans redonerdquo Silverman says ldquoThis was a real

Romani skillrdquo

This skill in metalwork was perfect for the emerging car industry in 1920s

and rsquo30s America ldquoRoma did this kind of service for many many Northwest

Americans and then eventua lly they got i nto t he car sales businessrdquo Silver-

man says The Romarsquos family-based car repair operations competed directly

with corporate auto repair shops offering an alternative to high-dollar services

with the personal attention of a family business So by World War II not only

was Mayor Riley rsquos expulsion of Roma families cruel but it also likely damaged

the local economy

Most Americans have no idea that their own government was persecut-

ing Roma people at the same time Roma in Europe were being murdered in

the Holocaust The Nazis killed an estimated 220000 to 500000 Roma men

women and childrenmdashperhaps 25 percent of the European Roma populationmdash

between 1935 and 1945 Morgan Ahern a SintiRomanichal Roma and founder

of Seattle-based organization Lolo Diklo Romani Against Racism believes

the number of Roma killed may be as high as 15 million ldquoMany [were killed] inconcentration campsrdquo she says ldquobut many more [were] just shot on the roadrdquo

Silverman agrees that the effect of the Holocaustmdashknown to some Roma as

the Porraimos or ldquothe devouringrdquomdashon the Roma has been ldquoa footnote in most

textbooksrdquo and is only starti ng to be examined in Holocaust museums because

of lobbying by Roma and their allies

Also overlooked in the history of Roma in the United States generations of

Roma children taken from their parents and warehoused in foster care systems

because of lifestyle differences and some families say racism Ahern was one

of those children removed from her family and put into foster care after her

parents were deemed unfit to ta ke care of her because they were Romani and

nomadic

Even today many Romani individuals and families lack birth certificatesand marriage certificates making them vulnerable to government officialsrsquo

whims Silverma n says ldquoThings like being fingerprinted havi ng a birth certifi-

cate might mean that your children are going to be taken away These historic

memories are very very very much alive for Romardquo

After generations of abuse a modest tide of Roma are beginning to speak out

about their civil rights and demand fair t reatment including fair accommoda-

tions in trying to obtain legal documentation for family members who were

born in the United States Silverman who is on the board of the nonprofit Voice

of Roma says she was involved in a c ase in Portland in which it was argued that

oral testimony in a birth is equivalent to a birth certificate ldquoWhen people bear

witness to a marriagerdquo Silverman says ldquoit doesnrsquot matter if therersquos no marriage

certificate It could be issued based on hindsight on memoryrdquo

For a community that has for generations avoided keeping their money in

bank accounts and sending their children to public schools social isolation is

giving way to an emerging movement for empowerment

On the East Coast Kalderash filmmaker George Eli produces films about

his family and is currently building a media channel on Roma And at the

University of Texas Hancock who is Romanichal Roma has spent decades

building the Program of Romani Studies and the Romani Arch ives and Docu-

mentation Center

Ahern founded Lolo Diklo which means ldquored scarfrdquo in 1986 along w ith a

fellow teacher at Seattle Central College The grouprsquos purpose is to document

discrimination and persecution of Romani Ahernrsquos fatherrsquos Romanichal fam-ily have lived in the United States since the 1700s and were originally sent from

Ireland by the British government as slaves Her motherrsquos family were Sinti who

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21 FallWinter 2015 Move

No documentsor oral histories

exist showingwhat happened tothe Roma familiesforced out ofPortland in 1944

arrived in the United States in the late 1930s

fleeing the climate in Germany Her maternal

grandmother pretended to be Italian to get into

the country

Over the years Ahern has traveled through-

out the West Coast lecturing about Roma cul-ture and civil rights She works with Romani

organizations across the United States South

America Canada Europe and Spain

Silverman adds that over the past twenty

years many American Roma have become

born-again Christians establishing their own

churches or joining evangelical congregations

Some of these church leaders are emerging as

community spokespeoplemdashsomething very

new for a community that has been persecuted

for so long ldquoThere are Roma who donrsquot want

to be left alone anymore because they are at a

disadvantage when they are left alonerdquo Silver-

man says ldquoThey are being very brave to actu-

ally interact with t he US court systemrdquo

But despite these efforts even today the dis-

crimination that Roma face by revealing their

heritage remains very real ldquoIn their historical

memory interacting with American institu-

tions has often resulted in a form of marginal-

izationrdquo Silverman says

For example Silverman describes ethnic

profiling by police bureaus through what wereknown as ldquobunco squadsrdquo police bureaus in

the South that had ldquoGypsy unitsrdquo to focus on

ldquoGypsy crimerdquo She says ldquoThis is ethnic profiling of crime

assuming that all Roma commit a certain kind of crime and

certain ki nds of crimes are only committed by Romardquo

The racial profiling of Roma people doesnrsquot stop with law

enforcement it is a staple of local news The language used

in Pacific Northwest news coverage in the past ten years to

describe alleged offenders has hardly changed from what was

writ ten in newspapers in the early 1900s

In 2007 a ldquoNight Cabbierdquo column in Willamette Week

sparked outrage ldquoThe Gypsies apparently are no jokerdquo the

unidentified cab driverwriter penned about the apparent rav-

ings of a customer ldquoDespite what we may think she explains to

us that real Gypsies arenrsquot nomadic livestock thieves but in fact

have been living in her neighborhood for decades And theyrsquore

very bad neighborsrdquo

ldquoThis is racist nonsenserdquo a reader responded ldquoInexcusable

for a serious newspaper to print such offensive content about areal livi ng breathing person in the neighborhood on account of

one of his neighbors For all we know this bigoted fool is the bad

neighborrdquo

No documents or oral histories exist showing what happened

to the Roma families forced out of Portland in 1944 Did they

stay in Texas Did they return to the Northwest Did they find

safety Or were they forced on toward some other location And

most important how in the Information Age is it possible that

the Roma experience has been all but forgotten by the main-

stream of society

Silverman holds out hope that organizations such as Voice of

Roma and Lolo Diklo can help Roma keep from getting caught inunfriendly bureaucratic systems as well as provide an opening

for more outreach and understanding The Portland Romani

Festival a one-day celebration featuring food music and infor-

mation on human rights issues affecting Roma people is ten-

tatively scheduled for late spring 2016 The Festival Romani

Facebook page is a fountain of music and cu ltural events par-

ticularly music performances up and down the West Coast

ldquoI think people should become knowledgeable about Romani

history and discrimination in order to combat itrdquo Silverman

says ldquoIt seems to me that while wersquore talking about ethnic a nd

racial diversity we can no longer eliminate a large group that

has suffered prejudice for so many years and continues to suffer

prejudicerdquo

Thanks to Fair Housing Council of Oregon for sharing this

story with Oregon Humanities through its history bus tour

Lisa Loving has reported on civil rights and diversity in

Oregon for more than fifteen years She is a news and

public affairs producer at KBOO Community Radio 907

FM in Portland and the former news editor of the award-

winning African American community newspaper the

Skanner Her new book How to Be a Citizen Journalist will

be released in 2017 by Microcosm Publishing

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities22

Like all places Oregon has a brand an identity that distinguishes

it from other places This identity is a pastiche of characteris-

ticsmdashenvironmental and agricultural urban and rural intrepid and

entrepreneurialmdashthat become a kind of shorthand that rightly or

wrongly insiders and outsiders read to understand what this state

and its people collectively value But how much do we the resi-

dents of this place really know about the systems behind these

things that seem to represent our identity

On the pages that follow we look more closely at just four ofthese cultural identifiers and how they move through their individ-

ual systems coho salmon up the Columbia River past historical

sites trash recyclables reusables and compost from Portland to

other parts of the state and the world bicycles buses and cars

up a busy corridor through a rapidly changing neighborhood and

ideas measures and laws through what is sometimes called the

Oregon System

Thanks to sources at the Confluence Project Death with Dignity Friends of the Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge Heiberg Garbage and

Recycling Metro MIG Northwest Power and Conservation Council Ofce of the Secretary of State Oregon History Project Oregon Legis -

lature Portland Bureau of Transportation TriMet and US Forest Servicersquos Pacific Northwest Research Station for their help with this story

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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23 FallWinter 2015 Move

Salmon up the Columbia RiverAFTER SPENDING sixteen to twenty months at sea a coho

salmon begins her journey up the Columbia and Sandy Rivers

back to her natal spawning grounds This amazing biological phe-

nomenon is also rich with cultural significance and the landmarks

she passes upstream mark the politics and history of her species

1 Salmon were central to the Chinook that once inhabited villages

along the lower Columbia and seining was the most important

method used to catch the fish As runs declined in the early twen-

tieth century white fishermen drove the Chinook off Sand Island

and Peacock Spit two of the most productive seining areas in

the estuary Seining was prohibited by Washington in 1934 and

Oregon in 1948

2 On March 16 1806 Meriwether Lewis drew and described a fish

brought to him at Fort Clatsop ldquoThe white Salmon Trout has

now made itrsquos appearance in the creeks near this place one of

them was brought us today by an Indian who had just taken it with

his gig this is a likness of itrdquo The fish was later classified as coho

salmon Oncorhynchus kisutch

3 In 1866 the brothers George W and William Hume and Andrew

S Hapgood established a salmon cannery at Eagle Cliff

Washington packing 4000 cases their first year In 1895 up to

50 Columbia canneries produced 635000 cases of salmon But

by 1977 the pack was just 2547 cases The last major cannery

on the Columbia closed in 1980

4 On November 5 1805 Lewis and Clark recorded a visit to the

ldquoQuathapotle Nationrdquo one of the largest Chinookan villages the

expedition encountered Today Cathlapotle is an archeological site

and the home of a modern plankhouse which serves as an outdoor

classroom and is used by the Chinook Indian Nation

5 In 2008 Maya Linrsquos sculpture Bird Blind was dedicated The blind

lists 134 plants documented by Lewis and Clark along with one

word on their status today thriving threatened endangered or

extinct Coho are listed as threatened today

6 In 2007 the Marmot Dam part of Portland General Electric hydro-

electric project in the Sandy River basin was removed due to

pressure from conservation groups and rising management costs

Built in 1913 by Portland Railway Light and Power Company the

dam provided hydroelectric power to Portland Today salmon navi-gate a free-flowing river mdashTRM

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities24

1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every

other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-

cling one of a number of independent haulers

in the Metro region grind their gears uphill

traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food

scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-

board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue

recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in

the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green

roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-

egory recycling compost and yard waste and

garbage

2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly

either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-

gon Recycling System past the airport in East

Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery

facilities (there are a handful in the region)

which then sell the materials based on demand

in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others

in foreign countries such as China

3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable

waste the other trucks head to Metro Central

Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro

South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-

tions in the region Last year almost a half a

million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos

two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins

other company haulers contractors with con-

struction waste and residential customers with

miscellaneous items not picked up through

home collection service At the transfer station

the sorting process begins

4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature

Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-

ogy Organics outside of North Plains about

twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about

twelve miles north of Corvallis

5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household

items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material

in roads

6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader

then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time

is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer

stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a

three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty

no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush

plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo

According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the

garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material

The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is

often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per

minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to

an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the

plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity

powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM

Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland

Waste fromSouthwestPortland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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25 FallWinter 2015 Move

1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in

winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period

in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a

twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source

TriMet)

HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make

every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-

tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed

Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-

age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo

In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin

Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the

new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue

represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even

signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from

the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles

per hour depending on the time of day

The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars

buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic

signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and

emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one

hundred intersections throughout Portland

Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North

Williams today reflects a different wave of development and

demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share

the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to

bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes

to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density

residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG

Traffic on North Williams Avenue

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities26

Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect

changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-

erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed

law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or

rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already

passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a

referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather

than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-

ers approved this system in 1902

This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an

initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on

a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided

driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal

documentation of US citizenship status

1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three

ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)

Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text

of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall

issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to

provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)

2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-

tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)

3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of

Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative

petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State

Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal

Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)

4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is

certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults

to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88

58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold

of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to

qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-

ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without

requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to

Dec 2013)

5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88

Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor

Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)

6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51

to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails

666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-

croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered

by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed

lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move

(2003)

7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block

saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-

zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the

case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor

General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the

practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The

US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide

law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG

Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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27 FallWinter 2015 Move

SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137

983158983151983145983139983141

N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -

room closet I came across a box of old family photographs

I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color

photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-

ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five

standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie

primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos

hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-

tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against

the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But

the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a

frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat

in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple

of the Sun

A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -

graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one

end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both

L A I L A L A L A M I

Al-Mursquoallaqat

The GoldenOdes of Love

J E N W I C K S T U D I O

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities28

of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels

science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-

raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to

love books so much perhaps books provided them an education

about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing

from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches

that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-

ing the reign of King Hassan

It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned

to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed

copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from

friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about

whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-

drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new

offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte

which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne

Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others

Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les

petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why

the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion

Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which

the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to

either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan

tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three

Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords

and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo

Of course none of the characters in these books looked or

spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly

all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan

bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their

homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my

own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they

had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary

world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an

alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define

normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like

my country my imagination had been colonized

I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly

the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-

acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the

fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled

my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high

school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes

where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-

yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as

well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father

said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it

was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted

D RISS C H RAI BI

LA

CI VI LISA TIO N

MA M E R E

PAR

ALEXANDRE DUMAS

Taha Hussein

THE

DA YS

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29 FallWinter 2015 Move

When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same

school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum

el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine

At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were

taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled

with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still

the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-

language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from

the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi

al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the

Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese

Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-

moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some

of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved

each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a

classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-

els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan

authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-

tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren

It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read

adult literature on my own and independently from school that

I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-

ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos

La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a

sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin

Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book

that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment

of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read

lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was

as fertile ground for fiction as any other

And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature

nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in

French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after

all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-

latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss

Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was

ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a

particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made

it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I

was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train

in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco

medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-

ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my

hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat

or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-

matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely

be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study

linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in

a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in

an analytica l way

Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in

Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship

to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait

I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and

racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School

of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work

of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went

back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how

often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes

Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in

our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in

formal soireacutees French was de rigueur

Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-

guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles

and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in

English which made me think even more about the relationship

between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a

prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power

an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people

The education I had received had emphasized the importance

of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our

media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the

shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed

in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored

by the French government for free access to books The role of

Every time I went back

to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much

and how often we moved

between French and

Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not

went through life

switching between codes

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Oregon Humanities30

French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a

cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no

longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case

of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should

not be writing at all

I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish

after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried

to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of

me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that

stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have

immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the

native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow

me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred

to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic

languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought

Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my

days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use

English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the

linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh

perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a

child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-

gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the

same story

I have always written because I have always had the urge to

tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided

that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-

thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my

race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-

larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while

the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and

waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had

enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos

phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-

rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat

seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of

others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the

works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s

such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in

the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and

sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing

graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had

always told stories but now I wanted to be heard

This essay was first published in World Literature Today

Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami

Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The

Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The

Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy

Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for

Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016

Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16

and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for

more information and to buy tickets

Writing in French came

at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial

baggage that I no longer

wanted to carry I started

to suffer from a peculiar

case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic

perhaps I should not be

writing at all

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31 FallWinter 2015 Move

A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good

LORETTA STINSON

I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M

every day after work waiting for Bruce to

get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching

myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me

sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on

from a distance at whatever is happening to

me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie

and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-

kick of the star or I play a supporting role but

I am definitely not the star of this movie The

moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom

just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been

able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed

freak for fifteen years

Sun through the small rectangular win-

dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats

wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in

1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from

the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom

watchi ng my past present a nd future selves

do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental

after another waiting for the next bad thing

to happen and not getting out of the way even

when I see it coming The habit of living in con-

stant fear and the resignation that nothing can

ever change are the glue that holds me in place

This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting

on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on

Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on

hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the

future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who

can only be counted on not to be counted on

In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses

and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about

J U L I A N N A B R I O N

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Oregon Humanities32

detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot

change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-

ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what

the old-timers were saying Needless to say

I didnrsquot

Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go

home and try some new strategy to make Bruce

quit using I once read a book about how sugar

was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding

him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein

diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck

them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat

and beer is a very filling meal in itself When

he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put

in front of him but speed and alcohol are his

drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-

ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never

remembers what he does to me and since he

doesnrsquot remember I have to forget

It be what it be Bruce says about all things

unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color

electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it

be Today I see things clearly for the first time

Today I see myself on this couch waiting for

someone else to do the changing Today I see

that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be

my life until the day he kills me or he dies or

I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been

disappointed too many times Addiction his to

drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove

been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot

see my part until now

My only friend has been telling me for

months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I

have left many times for a day or a week but

Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop

drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs

to me for the first time that this is absurd and a

huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe

itrsquos me who needs to change and not because

that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction

is his business

Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll

be wasted because it was payday and most of

his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-

ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood

alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or

hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how

those will interact with his mood the kind of

day he had and if hersquos eaten

None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for

such a long time that I could Like every person

who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that

if I did all the right things I would figure out a

way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on

his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine

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33 FallWinter 2015 Move

I worked like some kind of crazy statistician

making up story problems to predict what he

might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job

and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without

eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito

at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos

left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going

to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-

ing home mistakes his second wife for his first

wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out

Please show your work

I have never been able to figure out the rec-

ipe for equilibrium His or mine

Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce

comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not

wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face

slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat

the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says

Itrsquos not really a question but I answer

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him

clearly for the first time I see his addiction in

action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have

nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest

thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can

do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look

at him for too long when hersquos been drinking

kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash

you just back away slowly and try not to piss

him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows

too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how

little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs

to believe because he has to be mad at some-

one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom

just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by

the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about

nothing that it was never my face that pissed

him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He

needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave

to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do

no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a

revelation

He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you

looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on

the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-

spread that covers its stained sagging cush-

ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier

mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore

afraid when hersquos like this and they should be

Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that

hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what

if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already

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Oregon Humanities34

dead or at least not living just existing on the

edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story

Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom

suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am

afraid of being killed

I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to

make a home The china teacups that I str ung

together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks

in the window like a mobile The plants my

booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the

sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the

bed my dad and I refinished before I left home

The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday

The fifteen years of history we have together

one year short of half my life tonight not all of

it bad He is no monster just a man struggling

wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to

face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo

He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo

He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo

Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He

screams them at me knowing how in the past

these are the very words that made me cling to

him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go

Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but

this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest

the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about

his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does

Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom

seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man

Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried

to help for his own good right This man Irsquove

tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody

made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when

I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself

Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the

usual responseI know three things tonight Number one

If I stay this will be my life until I die Number

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7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities36

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37 FallWinter 2015 Move

M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN

he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline

somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and

believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he

turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean

for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees

in rows

My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home

at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York

City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for

rows of buildings

ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says

In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark

skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the

Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n

My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I

met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo

My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too

often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance

of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He

was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister

a year later

My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my

father a suit They seem happy in the picture

Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put

half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband

My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years

My grandmother died

All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a

life rocked with waves

P A I G E

V I C K E R S

JASON ARI AS

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Oregon Humanities38

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have

let that slip through thecracksrdquo

My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes

My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why

Grandma was hiding

Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here

To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-

vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where

we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We

have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo

I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened

My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next

closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed

a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time

tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the

process

Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends

Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his

giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist

until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again

We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in

the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-

ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-

lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be

Ama zons)

The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door

I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour

feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean

ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said

We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not

about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same

ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As

kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon

I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower

water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the

high tide after being beached again and again

One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom

decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia

One of my new Olympian friends flicked a

match that started a fire inside my mattress I

tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking

Mom came home and we put the burning

bed outside

This isnrsquot a metaphor

I slept on the floor of my bedroom that

night missing the ocean of Grayland while my

mom and sister shared their bed in the room

next to mine The next morning my mattress

was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-

ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a

popular song on the radio at the time One of us

would start singing the lyrics

How can we dance when our earth is turning

and then wersquod all join in

How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh

But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame

Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-

land That no matter how many times we

were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty

porous flotation device on which to try to

reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe

even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the

way we did as something gia nt and limit less

something to be feared and conquered some-

thing to be moved by

In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a

flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called

my name and the light receded back down the

hall disappearing into the living room and

slipping out the front door

We discovered that the flickering light had

left wax shapes on the carpet of our living

room that could have been bad pentagrams or

the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It

left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot

take any money It left us wondering if some

past boyfriend had found us somehow

Whi le we were out the next day somebody

hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment

door Mom winced at the divots denting the

wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing

mechanism once was with her hand

We left the dishes in the sink

We left no forwarding address

We boarded a bus

Two days later we were on the doorstep of

the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with

a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my

backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase

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39 FallWinter 2015 Move

in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever

received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer

trophies in the other

At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude

who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-

thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been

there were two concave smooth-skinned div-

ots She was always smiling I liked watching

how Jude listened

Before long the four of us moved into an

apartment between Portland and Gresham It

was right on the MAX line and right on the city

line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-

landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign

that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block

to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch

my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but

Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the

perfect space for her She said it was easier for

her to know where everything was in a smaller

environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond

than an ocean

One day Jude brought her new boyfriend

home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo

ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said

Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor

and said ldquo White peoplerdquo

I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was

wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what

ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to

a blind person

Red is the rage in your gut

White is the entrapment of the disabled

One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend

and her room became a closet again

We saw her a little and then not at all

Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to

Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally

almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of

my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday

cards and pictures that were inside it

Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-

day cards away

My wife and I began archiving our new fam-

ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with

the rest of them Our sons grew I became an

uncle My grandfather remarried and went

crazy My mother still has the same smile she

had when I was young

Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a

bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple

of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary

There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help

you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear

Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie

each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out

If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads

directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end

points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably

guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock

between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled

and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long

by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of

human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of

the Mayan calendar

In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and

I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of

the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam

When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-

land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else

ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says

one night while wersquore lying in bed

And I do

I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that

had to happen I listen to our breath

In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I

make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My

finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving

And then the line disappears

And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and

falling together

Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the

Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life

Poems and Stories of the Dead

If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between

Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities40

READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts

One hundred moves and not one of

them associated with the military

a job or being on the run

The Ledger

Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G

through a yard sale I picked up an old

ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-

ance Company of New York A large thin hard-

bound ledger black with a red spine eleven

inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by

insurance agents to track insurers and their

policies all entries written by hand There was

only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty

cents the rest of the pages were blank After

years of treasuring its antiquity but making

no entries of my own I tore the one used page

out and decided to start tracking al l my moves

before my memory lost track I sat down and

recorded all the moves I remembered over one

hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my

parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them

associated with the military a job or being on

the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-

derlust and exploration then relationships

and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad

landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just

being unable as a single parent to bear the rent

and high heating bills Once my oldest son and

I landed in a decent house that could hold us

indefinitely After three months I was drawn to

cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted

to gather them touch them fill their empti-

ness with our lives When I realized what was

going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in

that house for two years then moved to Hawai i

Now the kids are grown the grandkids are

teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos

no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-

foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a

semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided

me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she

said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo

As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot

out of my feet and sink into the ground I was

so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here

three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot

want to move

What have I lea rned th rough al l these

moves Adaptability being and living in the

now and that there is glory in both staying and

moving but it is much easier and cheaper to

stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland

Out of the Nest

I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E

back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze

tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last

time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex

where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs

Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot

stepped inside the apartment for eight months

To do so would risk my life

ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-

tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February

I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following

weekmdashfor six months

Left behind with Michael were our surro-

gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy

and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned

starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier

It was last October when I first developed

symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-

ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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41 FallWinter 2015 Move

This is where the plates layers of crust

crashed into each other in a fiery show

perhaps tens of thousands of years ago

Soon breathing was excruciating I took

shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain

Paralyzing fatigue set in

My endocrinologist suspected chronic

obstructive pulmonary disease which made

little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I

began scouring descriptions of lung conditions

Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity

pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung

Relief and terror flooded in

If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-

monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a

terminal condition in which scarring causes

respiratory failure within three to five years

Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif

caught early But the solution is drastic We

would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-

ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even

be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the

parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would

have a new ending

Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms

lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper

grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-

pice moments before plummeting

Today we are moving the last of our belong-

ings into our first house The kitties and birdies

have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed

While I cannot hold my babies I watch them

on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the

two-way speaker

From rescue feedings to teenage angst to

nighttime vigils during illness in caring for

these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging

from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety

Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey

take their first tentative steps toward flight

Today I learned the most painful lesson let-

ting go

MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene

Subduction Zones

T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK

were on an af ternoon in early Septem-

ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for

the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper

and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our

ankles

Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-

berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend

and is directly responsible for the creation of

Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back

then one that I sometimes imagined looked

like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus

Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of

the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale

their name suggests but the result of plates

shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-

tion led to the formation of the trio This is

where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into

each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-

sands of years ago Subduction zones are places

where great trauma lies

And here I was all these years later in the

shadows of these mountains loss everywhere

Later that day back at our apartment we

walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit

into anymore For more than a year we went

through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern

Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that

followed us Then one day our four-year-old

daughter started a conversation that shook me

ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo

I nodded

ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so

sadrdquo

Six words leapt at me

ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo

We moved back to Ash land where brig ht

red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-

hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot

know it then but we were charting our own

map however imperfect Healing crept up on

us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-

ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew

Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng

up the darkness Seventeen years passed

And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most

folks want to flee helps you see things more

clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in

its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along

VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities42POSTS

continued from previous page

Just to

underscore

how settled we

planned to be

we unpacked

EverythingEven the

heirloom china

which had never

before left its

boxes We were

here to stay

Dance Church

SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I

go to church Dance church A church

where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers

to recite A church where at first glance outsid-

ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon

arriving I see a few little munchkins running

around with oversize neon headphones on to

protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music

set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with

rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors

There are flowers candles pillow puddles

beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some

kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in

alignment with the morningrsquos intention

As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s

become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-

tainer in which I can move once again after

years of chronic freezing and dissociating A

trapped animal released back into the wild

wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom

in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism

evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with

anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our

spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist

The music awakens the holy spirit within

me and dances me through throngs of people

I am an antelope cut loose checking out the

creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns

bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms

Each stunning in their authentic movement I

see people falling in love with each other from

a distance I see a girl rocking four different

Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed

like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands

ldquopracticing dancingrdquo

This is the church of Miriam the biblical

tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of

years later I move here and I am reunited with

my self my best self my most curious mischie-

vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self

Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten

invited back in the room to whip her hair back

and forth I throw my head back in delight and

laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like

hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form

of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music

EMILY I BEDAL Portland

Again

M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R

upwardly mobile engineer That trans-

lated into at least one move per year until I was

eight and another address for high school I

moved every year in college one year twice I

moved three times during my first stint in Bos-

ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-

ment for the whole two years Then it was back

to Boston where I lived in five different homes

in five years

Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for

the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe

two years back East then back to New Mexico

in two different cities three different homes

Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates

what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo

From Albuquerque we moved to our present

home in Port Orford my thirt ieth

Moving has always been exciting cathar-

tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books

by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally

donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-

ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated

magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets

ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit

thatrsquos never happened In each new house

wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos

never worked

We vowed Port Orford would be our final

ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore

how settled we planned to be we unpacked

Everything Even the heirloom china which

had never before left its boxes We were here

to stay

Except it seems wersquore going to have to move

again but not for the exciting futures wersquod

always envisioned before Now we need doctors

and hospitals and a nearby airport for family

visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is

on the other side of adventure Now we need a

place to feel safe secure

So the sorting and throwing out is about to

begin yet again There are closets and drawers

that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to

dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of

booksmdashto give away This move exciting No

way The very thought of it exhausts me

Still those other feelings cathartic freeing

new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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43 FallWinter 2015 Move

Next theme Root

For the Spring 2016 issue tell

us your stories about rooting

around taking root being

uprooted or root-bound getting

to the root of a problem being

the root of the problem rooting

someone on Share stories and

ideas about beginnings origins

and foundations Analyze a

historical or contemporary

grassroots effort Describe

the tension between staying

put and being stuck Send your

submission (400 words maxi-

mum) by February 15 2016 to

postsoregonhumanitiesorg

Submissions may be edited for

space or clarity

Listen to Your Body

I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y

motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease

Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit

and spot-on timing Though she was confined

to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was

still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her

sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-

cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone

have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but

aching joints diminished strength and a fal-

tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back

Those maladies werenrsquot the result of

chronic disease More like lack of exercise At

some point in the past decade or so I developed

an aversion to any fitness routine That choice

has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo

class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community

Center

Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the

center for the past thirty-six years teaches

the dance-infused workout three days a week

Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at

the core of each class She dispenses praise as

we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform

deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements

and she encourages each of us to breathe and

listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably

youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying

ballet seriously By then her versatility as an

actress singer dancer and comedian had been

evident in community theater productions in

the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although

not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few

years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe

continues to lead a full life She can still stand

and press her palms flat to the floor despite

relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip

notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg

and stretch at the barre

A role model for agi ng wit h presence and

dignity Lynn maintains her considerable

charm and elegance and purposely keeps her

body and mind active Like my mother she

is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has

inspired me to accept what my body can do

today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow

Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for

getting up in the morning And by some mea-

sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE

Portland

Over the Hill

I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D

eleven times in three years I worked spring

through fall as a natural history guide in

Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure

where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned

into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply

moved around A lot With each new tempo-

rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked

clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was

nothing

At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the

person who would become my life partner

another seasonal worker We would move from

Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We

lived one magical off-season on a houseboat

on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the

ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught

me I loved wide-open spaces What could be

wider than the Pacific A fter one more season

of guiding I came back to the coast and decided

to stay

I volunteered my way into one steady job

and eventually landed another at the local

college After a few more seasons my partner

came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota

and we bought another together He built a

business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our

hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and

had a child Wersquod officially settled down

The economic hardships of rural living

however are real job opportunities decline

and can no longer support the life wersquove built

The accumulation of years no longer fits into

the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner

took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast

and we lived as a split family The split was tax-

ing though so we decided to make the move

to the city We left the first community of our

adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven

ourselves The only community our daughter

has even known Friends asked me not to go

Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart

still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the

sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes

at the memory of that moon over Tillamook

Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot

nothingmdashitrsquos every thing

NANCY SLAVIN Portland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities44

Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm

LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015

This intertwined story of two

teenage girls and their mothers

is set in New Orleans during

and after Hurricane Katrina

In her debut novel Urbani an

Oregon writer with Southern

roots brings a maternal touch

to the narrative handling trag-

edy with a careful soulfulness

and love This honest yet brutal

story will simultaneously break

and warm your heart

mdashAnnie Kaffen

At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015

Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French

Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the

Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural

French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-

tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans

and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a

snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland

Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015

Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the

Oregon physician and radicalrsquos

extraordinary experiences

from her early years working in

a textile mill in New Bedford

Massachusetts through her

activist years in Oregon includ-

ing a three-year term at San

Quentin State Prison Equi lived

openly as a lesbian beginning in

the 1890s and was one of the

first practicing female doctors

in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and

compassion for others with a

strong personal belief in social

and economic justice

mdashCarole Shel lhart

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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45 FallWinter 2015 Move

People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015

This debut collection from

Portland writer Margaret

Malone is filled with brief

bitterly funny stories about the

sort of people who tie them-

selves in knots in their heads

and feel uncomfortable in their

own skin and can never quite

bring themselves to say the

words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point

includes all of us

mdashBen Waterhouse

The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015

Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer

The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with

Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research

for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the

first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of

revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced

a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer

in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he

writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo

mdashMaggie Starr

To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for

Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon

Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205

Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe

Sasquatch Books 2015

Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter

Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt

to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography

in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers

a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden

rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance

sounds smells and much more

mdashBen Waterhouse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4648

Oregon Humanities46

Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson

February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum

1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg

CROPPINGS

Wendy Red Star Untitled

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities programs are

funded by the National Endowment

for the Humanities and the Oregon

Cultural Trust and by contributions from

individuals foundations community

organizations and corporations For

more information about Oregon

Humanities or to learn how you can help

more Oregonians get together share

ideas listen think and grow please

contact us at

921 SW Washington Street Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax

(503) 241-0024

ohmoregonhumanitiesorg

oregonhumanitiesorg

Staff

e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r

Adam Davis

facilitation and tra ining manager

Rachel Bernstein

communicationsprogram associate

Eloise Holland

editorassociate director

Kathleen Holt

development director

Kamla Hurst

program officer

Annie Kaffen

office manager

Mikaela Schey

director of finance and oper ations

Carole Shellhart

development associate

Maggie Starr

communications associate

Ben Waterhouse

program coordinator

Kyle Weismann-Yee

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Board of Directorsch a i r

Sona Karentz Andrews Portland

v ic e ch a i r

Janet Webster Newport

tr e a s u r e r

Jeff Cronn Portland

secretary

Matthew Boulay Salem

Paul Duden Portland

Kimberly Howard Portland

Nels Johnson Portland

Emily Karr Portland

Shannon Mara Bend

Win McCormack Portland

Alberto Moreno Portland

Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego

Ron Paul Portland

Denise Reed Astoria

Chantal Strobel Bend

Dave Weich Portland

Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED

Non-profit Org

US Postage

PAID

Permit No 1274

Portland OR

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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19 FallWinter 2015 Move

COURTESY THOMAS ROBINSON

Roma in America today are a community in flux Families

still identify their lineages through distinct ethnic communi-

ties sometimes called tribes including the Sinti Romanichal

and Kalderash and these communities tend to blend in with

the mainstream In the Northwest a look through local busi-

ness listings will not reveal any obvious groups or organiza-

tions serving them except a handful of very tight-knit Christian

churches Most Kalderash would prefer to live under the radar

says Silverman for a compelling historical reason almost

everywhere theyrsquove gone Roma people have been oppressed by

both government and society

Originally from India Roma communities are traditionally

nomadic From the fourteenth century until the Romanian

emancipation of 1864 Roma were enslaved and traded by the

local nobility in a large area of southern Romania including

Walachia and Moldovia with the support of church institutions

Roma moved to the Northwest in the largest numbers after1864 with Kalderash families settling in the area between 1880

and 1920 Silverman says ldquoFrom the first time they came to

America there were rules regulating where Roma could live and

where they could settle and even the kind of work they could do

Many cities had anti-fortune-telling edicts fortune-telling poli-

cies on the books Some cities actually still have themrdquo

Accused of being naturally inferior and prone to crime Roma

people in the Northwest have been targeted and harassed by

local law enforcement and negatively depicted in the media In

1906 the Oregonian wrote ldquoThe police allege that the gypsies

have such a penchant for stealing everything that is not nai led

down that it is necessary always to lsquokeep an eye on themrsquordquo Andthe Ashland Daily Tidings in 1916 wrote ldquoTrue to their inborn

instincts the horde of gypsies which passed through Ashland

last Sunday failed to get out of t he country without committing

a serious depredationrdquo

No scholar has studied discrimination against the Roma as

fully as Ian Hancock a University of Texas at Austin professor of

linguistics English and Asian studies who laid out his findings

in a 2007 research paper He writes that despite five special US

Congressional sessions addressing the increase in anti-Romani

hate crimes in Europe and the correlative increase in Romani

asylum seekers to the United States ldquoThere nevertheless remain

laws on the books in various states and counties that continue

to operate against Gypsies Many of these laws a list of which

fills thirty-four pages were inherited from Europe and were

intended to be used against the earlier Gypsy populations in the

United States they have since found new application against

the more recently arrived and more v isible Eastern European

Roma escaping the post-Communist increase in racial violence

in that region many of whom are seeking political asylum hererdquo

But despite the hostility they have traditionally faced

Romani people have also historically been linchpins of their

local economies Silverman says Roma in Europe worked in

metalcraft which t hey applied in the United States to recopperand re-tin household items at the turn of the century ldquoUntil the

1950s before stainless steel in order to have a working kitchen

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities20

Most Americanshave no idea

that their owngovernment waspersecuting Romapeople at thesame time Romain Europe werebeing murdered inthe Holocaust

you had to have your pots and pans redonerdquo Silverman says ldquoThis was a real

Romani skillrdquo

This skill in metalwork was perfect for the emerging car industry in 1920s

and rsquo30s America ldquoRoma did this kind of service for many many Northwest

Americans and then eventua lly they got i nto t he car sales businessrdquo Silver-

man says The Romarsquos family-based car repair operations competed directly

with corporate auto repair shops offering an alternative to high-dollar services

with the personal attention of a family business So by World War II not only

was Mayor Riley rsquos expulsion of Roma families cruel but it also likely damaged

the local economy

Most Americans have no idea that their own government was persecut-

ing Roma people at the same time Roma in Europe were being murdered in

the Holocaust The Nazis killed an estimated 220000 to 500000 Roma men

women and childrenmdashperhaps 25 percent of the European Roma populationmdash

between 1935 and 1945 Morgan Ahern a SintiRomanichal Roma and founder

of Seattle-based organization Lolo Diklo Romani Against Racism believes

the number of Roma killed may be as high as 15 million ldquoMany [were killed] inconcentration campsrdquo she says ldquobut many more [were] just shot on the roadrdquo

Silverman agrees that the effect of the Holocaustmdashknown to some Roma as

the Porraimos or ldquothe devouringrdquomdashon the Roma has been ldquoa footnote in most

textbooksrdquo and is only starti ng to be examined in Holocaust museums because

of lobbying by Roma and their allies

Also overlooked in the history of Roma in the United States generations of

Roma children taken from their parents and warehoused in foster care systems

because of lifestyle differences and some families say racism Ahern was one

of those children removed from her family and put into foster care after her

parents were deemed unfit to ta ke care of her because they were Romani and

nomadic

Even today many Romani individuals and families lack birth certificatesand marriage certificates making them vulnerable to government officialsrsquo

whims Silverma n says ldquoThings like being fingerprinted havi ng a birth certifi-

cate might mean that your children are going to be taken away These historic

memories are very very very much alive for Romardquo

After generations of abuse a modest tide of Roma are beginning to speak out

about their civil rights and demand fair t reatment including fair accommoda-

tions in trying to obtain legal documentation for family members who were

born in the United States Silverman who is on the board of the nonprofit Voice

of Roma says she was involved in a c ase in Portland in which it was argued that

oral testimony in a birth is equivalent to a birth certificate ldquoWhen people bear

witness to a marriagerdquo Silverman says ldquoit doesnrsquot matter if therersquos no marriage

certificate It could be issued based on hindsight on memoryrdquo

For a community that has for generations avoided keeping their money in

bank accounts and sending their children to public schools social isolation is

giving way to an emerging movement for empowerment

On the East Coast Kalderash filmmaker George Eli produces films about

his family and is currently building a media channel on Roma And at the

University of Texas Hancock who is Romanichal Roma has spent decades

building the Program of Romani Studies and the Romani Arch ives and Docu-

mentation Center

Ahern founded Lolo Diklo which means ldquored scarfrdquo in 1986 along w ith a

fellow teacher at Seattle Central College The grouprsquos purpose is to document

discrimination and persecution of Romani Ahernrsquos fatherrsquos Romanichal fam-ily have lived in the United States since the 1700s and were originally sent from

Ireland by the British government as slaves Her motherrsquos family were Sinti who

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21 FallWinter 2015 Move

No documentsor oral histories

exist showingwhat happened tothe Roma familiesforced out ofPortland in 1944

arrived in the United States in the late 1930s

fleeing the climate in Germany Her maternal

grandmother pretended to be Italian to get into

the country

Over the years Ahern has traveled through-

out the West Coast lecturing about Roma cul-ture and civil rights She works with Romani

organizations across the United States South

America Canada Europe and Spain

Silverman adds that over the past twenty

years many American Roma have become

born-again Christians establishing their own

churches or joining evangelical congregations

Some of these church leaders are emerging as

community spokespeoplemdashsomething very

new for a community that has been persecuted

for so long ldquoThere are Roma who donrsquot want

to be left alone anymore because they are at a

disadvantage when they are left alonerdquo Silver-

man says ldquoThey are being very brave to actu-

ally interact with t he US court systemrdquo

But despite these efforts even today the dis-

crimination that Roma face by revealing their

heritage remains very real ldquoIn their historical

memory interacting with American institu-

tions has often resulted in a form of marginal-

izationrdquo Silverman says

For example Silverman describes ethnic

profiling by police bureaus through what wereknown as ldquobunco squadsrdquo police bureaus in

the South that had ldquoGypsy unitsrdquo to focus on

ldquoGypsy crimerdquo She says ldquoThis is ethnic profiling of crime

assuming that all Roma commit a certain kind of crime and

certain ki nds of crimes are only committed by Romardquo

The racial profiling of Roma people doesnrsquot stop with law

enforcement it is a staple of local news The language used

in Pacific Northwest news coverage in the past ten years to

describe alleged offenders has hardly changed from what was

writ ten in newspapers in the early 1900s

In 2007 a ldquoNight Cabbierdquo column in Willamette Week

sparked outrage ldquoThe Gypsies apparently are no jokerdquo the

unidentified cab driverwriter penned about the apparent rav-

ings of a customer ldquoDespite what we may think she explains to

us that real Gypsies arenrsquot nomadic livestock thieves but in fact

have been living in her neighborhood for decades And theyrsquore

very bad neighborsrdquo

ldquoThis is racist nonsenserdquo a reader responded ldquoInexcusable

for a serious newspaper to print such offensive content about areal livi ng breathing person in the neighborhood on account of

one of his neighbors For all we know this bigoted fool is the bad

neighborrdquo

No documents or oral histories exist showing what happened

to the Roma families forced out of Portland in 1944 Did they

stay in Texas Did they return to the Northwest Did they find

safety Or were they forced on toward some other location And

most important how in the Information Age is it possible that

the Roma experience has been all but forgotten by the main-

stream of society

Silverman holds out hope that organizations such as Voice of

Roma and Lolo Diklo can help Roma keep from getting caught inunfriendly bureaucratic systems as well as provide an opening

for more outreach and understanding The Portland Romani

Festival a one-day celebration featuring food music and infor-

mation on human rights issues affecting Roma people is ten-

tatively scheduled for late spring 2016 The Festival Romani

Facebook page is a fountain of music and cu ltural events par-

ticularly music performances up and down the West Coast

ldquoI think people should become knowledgeable about Romani

history and discrimination in order to combat itrdquo Silverman

says ldquoIt seems to me that while wersquore talking about ethnic a nd

racial diversity we can no longer eliminate a large group that

has suffered prejudice for so many years and continues to suffer

prejudicerdquo

Thanks to Fair Housing Council of Oregon for sharing this

story with Oregon Humanities through its history bus tour

Lisa Loving has reported on civil rights and diversity in

Oregon for more than fifteen years She is a news and

public affairs producer at KBOO Community Radio 907

FM in Portland and the former news editor of the award-

winning African American community newspaper the

Skanner Her new book How to Be a Citizen Journalist will

be released in 2017 by Microcosm Publishing

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities22

Like all places Oregon has a brand an identity that distinguishes

it from other places This identity is a pastiche of characteris-

ticsmdashenvironmental and agricultural urban and rural intrepid and

entrepreneurialmdashthat become a kind of shorthand that rightly or

wrongly insiders and outsiders read to understand what this state

and its people collectively value But how much do we the resi-

dents of this place really know about the systems behind these

things that seem to represent our identity

On the pages that follow we look more closely at just four ofthese cultural identifiers and how they move through their individ-

ual systems coho salmon up the Columbia River past historical

sites trash recyclables reusables and compost from Portland to

other parts of the state and the world bicycles buses and cars

up a busy corridor through a rapidly changing neighborhood and

ideas measures and laws through what is sometimes called the

Oregon System

Thanks to sources at the Confluence Project Death with Dignity Friends of the Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge Heiberg Garbage and

Recycling Metro MIG Northwest Power and Conservation Council Ofce of the Secretary of State Oregon History Project Oregon Legis -

lature Portland Bureau of Transportation TriMet and US Forest Servicersquos Pacific Northwest Research Station for their help with this story

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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23 FallWinter 2015 Move

Salmon up the Columbia RiverAFTER SPENDING sixteen to twenty months at sea a coho

salmon begins her journey up the Columbia and Sandy Rivers

back to her natal spawning grounds This amazing biological phe-

nomenon is also rich with cultural significance and the landmarks

she passes upstream mark the politics and history of her species

1 Salmon were central to the Chinook that once inhabited villages

along the lower Columbia and seining was the most important

method used to catch the fish As runs declined in the early twen-

tieth century white fishermen drove the Chinook off Sand Island

and Peacock Spit two of the most productive seining areas in

the estuary Seining was prohibited by Washington in 1934 and

Oregon in 1948

2 On March 16 1806 Meriwether Lewis drew and described a fish

brought to him at Fort Clatsop ldquoThe white Salmon Trout has

now made itrsquos appearance in the creeks near this place one of

them was brought us today by an Indian who had just taken it with

his gig this is a likness of itrdquo The fish was later classified as coho

salmon Oncorhynchus kisutch

3 In 1866 the brothers George W and William Hume and Andrew

S Hapgood established a salmon cannery at Eagle Cliff

Washington packing 4000 cases their first year In 1895 up to

50 Columbia canneries produced 635000 cases of salmon But

by 1977 the pack was just 2547 cases The last major cannery

on the Columbia closed in 1980

4 On November 5 1805 Lewis and Clark recorded a visit to the

ldquoQuathapotle Nationrdquo one of the largest Chinookan villages the

expedition encountered Today Cathlapotle is an archeological site

and the home of a modern plankhouse which serves as an outdoor

classroom and is used by the Chinook Indian Nation

5 In 2008 Maya Linrsquos sculpture Bird Blind was dedicated The blind

lists 134 plants documented by Lewis and Clark along with one

word on their status today thriving threatened endangered or

extinct Coho are listed as threatened today

6 In 2007 the Marmot Dam part of Portland General Electric hydro-

electric project in the Sandy River basin was removed due to

pressure from conservation groups and rising management costs

Built in 1913 by Portland Railway Light and Power Company the

dam provided hydroelectric power to Portland Today salmon navi-gate a free-flowing river mdashTRM

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities24

1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every

other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-

cling one of a number of independent haulers

in the Metro region grind their gears uphill

traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food

scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-

board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue

recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in

the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green

roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-

egory recycling compost and yard waste and

garbage

2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly

either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-

gon Recycling System past the airport in East

Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery

facilities (there are a handful in the region)

which then sell the materials based on demand

in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others

in foreign countries such as China

3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable

waste the other trucks head to Metro Central

Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro

South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-

tions in the region Last year almost a half a

million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos

two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins

other company haulers contractors with con-

struction waste and residential customers with

miscellaneous items not picked up through

home collection service At the transfer station

the sorting process begins

4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature

Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-

ogy Organics outside of North Plains about

twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about

twelve miles north of Corvallis

5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household

items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material

in roads

6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader

then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time

is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer

stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a

three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty

no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush

plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo

According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the

garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material

The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is

often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per

minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to

an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the

plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity

powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM

Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland

Waste fromSouthwestPortland

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25 FallWinter 2015 Move

1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in

winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period

in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a

twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source

TriMet)

HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make

every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-

tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed

Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-

age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo

In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin

Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the

new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue

represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even

signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from

the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles

per hour depending on the time of day

The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars

buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic

signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and

emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one

hundred intersections throughout Portland

Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North

Williams today reflects a different wave of development and

demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share

the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to

bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes

to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density

residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG

Traffic on North Williams Avenue

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities26

Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect

changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-

erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed

law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or

rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already

passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a

referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather

than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-

ers approved this system in 1902

This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an

initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on

a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided

driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal

documentation of US citizenship status

1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three

ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)

Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text

of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall

issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to

provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)

2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-

tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)

3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of

Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative

petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State

Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal

Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)

4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is

certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults

to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88

58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold

of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to

qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-

ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without

requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to

Dec 2013)

5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88

Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor

Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)

6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51

to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails

666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-

croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered

by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed

lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move

(2003)

7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block

saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-

zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the

case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor

General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the

practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The

US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide

law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG

Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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27 FallWinter 2015 Move

SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137

983158983151983145983139983141

N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -

room closet I came across a box of old family photographs

I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color

photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-

ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five

standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie

primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos

hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-

tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against

the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But

the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a

frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat

in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple

of the Sun

A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -

graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one

end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both

L A I L A L A L A M I

Al-Mursquoallaqat

The GoldenOdes of Love

J E N W I C K S T U D I O

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities28

of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels

science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-

raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to

love books so much perhaps books provided them an education

about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing

from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches

that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-

ing the reign of King Hassan

It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned

to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed

copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from

friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about

whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-

drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new

offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte

which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne

Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others

Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les

petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why

the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion

Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which

the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to

either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan

tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three

Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords

and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo

Of course none of the characters in these books looked or

spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly

all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan

bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their

homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my

own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they

had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary

world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an

alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define

normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like

my country my imagination had been colonized

I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly

the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-

acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the

fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled

my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high

school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes

where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-

yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as

well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father

said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it

was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted

D RISS C H RAI BI

LA

CI VI LISA TIO N

MA M E R E

PAR

ALEXANDRE DUMAS

Taha Hussein

THE

DA YS

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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29 FallWinter 2015 Move

When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same

school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum

el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine

At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were

taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled

with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still

the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-

language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from

the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi

al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the

Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese

Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-

moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some

of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved

each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a

classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-

els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan

authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-

tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren

It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read

adult literature on my own and independently from school that

I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-

ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos

La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a

sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin

Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book

that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment

of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read

lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was

as fertile ground for fiction as any other

And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature

nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in

French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after

all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-

latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss

Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was

ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a

particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made

it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I

was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train

in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco

medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-

ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my

hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat

or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-

matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely

be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study

linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in

a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in

an analytica l way

Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in

Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship

to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait

I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and

racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School

of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work

of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went

back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how

often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes

Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in

our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in

formal soireacutees French was de rigueur

Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-

guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles

and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in

English which made me think even more about the relationship

between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a

prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power

an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people

The education I had received had emphasized the importance

of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our

media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the

shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed

in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored

by the French government for free access to books The role of

Every time I went back

to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much

and how often we moved

between French and

Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not

went through life

switching between codes

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities30

French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a

cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no

longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case

of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should

not be writing at all

I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish

after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried

to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of

me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that

stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have

immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the

native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow

me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred

to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic

languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought

Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my

days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use

English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the

linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh

perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a

child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-

gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the

same story

I have always written because I have always had the urge to

tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided

that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-

thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my

race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-

larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while

the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and

waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had

enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos

phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-

rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat

seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of

others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the

works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s

such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in

the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and

sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing

graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had

always told stories but now I wanted to be heard

This essay was first published in World Literature Today

Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami

Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The

Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The

Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy

Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for

Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016

Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16

and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for

more information and to buy tickets

Writing in French came

at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial

baggage that I no longer

wanted to carry I started

to suffer from a peculiar

case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic

perhaps I should not be

writing at all

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31 FallWinter 2015 Move

A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good

LORETTA STINSON

I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M

every day after work waiting for Bruce to

get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching

myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me

sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on

from a distance at whatever is happening to

me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie

and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-

kick of the star or I play a supporting role but

I am definitely not the star of this movie The

moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom

just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been

able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed

freak for fifteen years

Sun through the small rectangular win-

dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats

wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in

1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from

the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom

watchi ng my past present a nd future selves

do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental

after another waiting for the next bad thing

to happen and not getting out of the way even

when I see it coming The habit of living in con-

stant fear and the resignation that nothing can

ever change are the glue that holds me in place

This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting

on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on

Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on

hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the

future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who

can only be counted on not to be counted on

In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses

and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about

J U L I A N N A B R I O N

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Oregon Humanities32

detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot

change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-

ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what

the old-timers were saying Needless to say

I didnrsquot

Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go

home and try some new strategy to make Bruce

quit using I once read a book about how sugar

was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding

him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein

diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck

them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat

and beer is a very filling meal in itself When

he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put

in front of him but speed and alcohol are his

drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-

ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never

remembers what he does to me and since he

doesnrsquot remember I have to forget

It be what it be Bruce says about all things

unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color

electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it

be Today I see things clearly for the first time

Today I see myself on this couch waiting for

someone else to do the changing Today I see

that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be

my life until the day he kills me or he dies or

I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been

disappointed too many times Addiction his to

drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove

been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot

see my part until now

My only friend has been telling me for

months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I

have left many times for a day or a week but

Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop

drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs

to me for the first time that this is absurd and a

huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe

itrsquos me who needs to change and not because

that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction

is his business

Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll

be wasted because it was payday and most of

his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-

ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood

alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or

hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how

those will interact with his mood the kind of

day he had and if hersquos eaten

None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for

such a long time that I could Like every person

who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that

if I did all the right things I would figure out a

way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on

his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine

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33 FallWinter 2015 Move

I worked like some kind of crazy statistician

making up story problems to predict what he

might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job

and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without

eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito

at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos

left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going

to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-

ing home mistakes his second wife for his first

wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out

Please show your work

I have never been able to figure out the rec-

ipe for equilibrium His or mine

Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce

comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not

wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face

slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat

the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says

Itrsquos not really a question but I answer

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him

clearly for the first time I see his addiction in

action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have

nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest

thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can

do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look

at him for too long when hersquos been drinking

kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash

you just back away slowly and try not to piss

him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows

too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how

little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs

to believe because he has to be mad at some-

one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom

just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by

the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about

nothing that it was never my face that pissed

him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He

needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave

to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do

no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a

revelation

He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you

looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on

the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-

spread that covers its stained sagging cush-

ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier

mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore

afraid when hersquos like this and they should be

Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that

hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what

if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already

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Oregon Humanities34

dead or at least not living just existing on the

edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story

Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom

suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am

afraid of being killed

I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to

make a home The china teacups that I str ung

together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks

in the window like a mobile The plants my

booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the

sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the

bed my dad and I refinished before I left home

The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday

The fifteen years of history we have together

one year short of half my life tonight not all of

it bad He is no monster just a man struggling

wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to

face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo

He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo

He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo

Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He

screams them at me knowing how in the past

these are the very words that made me cling to

him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go

Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but

this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest

the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about

his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does

Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom

seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man

Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried

to help for his own good right This man Irsquove

tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody

made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when

I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself

Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the

usual responseI know three things tonight Number one

If I stay this will be my life until I die Number

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Oregon Humanities36

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37 FallWinter 2015 Move

M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN

he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline

somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and

believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he

turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean

for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees

in rows

My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home

at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York

City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for

rows of buildings

ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says

In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark

skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the

Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n

My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I

met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo

My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too

often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance

of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He

was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister

a year later

My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my

father a suit They seem happy in the picture

Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put

half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband

My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years

My grandmother died

All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a

life rocked with waves

P A I G E

V I C K E R S

JASON ARI AS

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Oregon Humanities38

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have

let that slip through thecracksrdquo

My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes

My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why

Grandma was hiding

Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here

To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-

vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where

we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We

have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo

I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened

My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next

closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed

a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time

tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the

process

Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends

Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his

giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist

until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again

We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in

the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-

ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-

lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be

Ama zons)

The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door

I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour

feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean

ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said

We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not

about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same

ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As

kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon

I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower

water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the

high tide after being beached again and again

One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom

decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia

One of my new Olympian friends flicked a

match that started a fire inside my mattress I

tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking

Mom came home and we put the burning

bed outside

This isnrsquot a metaphor

I slept on the floor of my bedroom that

night missing the ocean of Grayland while my

mom and sister shared their bed in the room

next to mine The next morning my mattress

was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-

ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a

popular song on the radio at the time One of us

would start singing the lyrics

How can we dance when our earth is turning

and then wersquod all join in

How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh

But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame

Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-

land That no matter how many times we

were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty

porous flotation device on which to try to

reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe

even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the

way we did as something gia nt and limit less

something to be feared and conquered some-

thing to be moved by

In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a

flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called

my name and the light receded back down the

hall disappearing into the living room and

slipping out the front door

We discovered that the flickering light had

left wax shapes on the carpet of our living

room that could have been bad pentagrams or

the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It

left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot

take any money It left us wondering if some

past boyfriend had found us somehow

Whi le we were out the next day somebody

hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment

door Mom winced at the divots denting the

wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing

mechanism once was with her hand

We left the dishes in the sink

We left no forwarding address

We boarded a bus

Two days later we were on the doorstep of

the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with

a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my

backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase

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39 FallWinter 2015 Move

in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever

received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer

trophies in the other

At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude

who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-

thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been

there were two concave smooth-skinned div-

ots She was always smiling I liked watching

how Jude listened

Before long the four of us moved into an

apartment between Portland and Gresham It

was right on the MAX line and right on the city

line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-

landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign

that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block

to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch

my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but

Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the

perfect space for her She said it was easier for

her to know where everything was in a smaller

environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond

than an ocean

One day Jude brought her new boyfriend

home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo

ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said

Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor

and said ldquo White peoplerdquo

I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was

wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what

ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to

a blind person

Red is the rage in your gut

White is the entrapment of the disabled

One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend

and her room became a closet again

We saw her a little and then not at all

Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to

Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally

almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of

my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday

cards and pictures that were inside it

Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-

day cards away

My wife and I began archiving our new fam-

ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with

the rest of them Our sons grew I became an

uncle My grandfather remarried and went

crazy My mother still has the same smile she

had when I was young

Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a

bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple

of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary

There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help

you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear

Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie

each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out

If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads

directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end

points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably

guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock

between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled

and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long

by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of

human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of

the Mayan calendar

In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and

I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of

the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam

When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-

land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else

ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says

one night while wersquore lying in bed

And I do

I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that

had to happen I listen to our breath

In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I

make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My

finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving

And then the line disappears

And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and

falling together

Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the

Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life

Poems and Stories of the Dead

If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between

Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous

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Oregon Humanities40

READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts

One hundred moves and not one of

them associated with the military

a job or being on the run

The Ledger

Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G

through a yard sale I picked up an old

ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-

ance Company of New York A large thin hard-

bound ledger black with a red spine eleven

inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by

insurance agents to track insurers and their

policies all entries written by hand There was

only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty

cents the rest of the pages were blank After

years of treasuring its antiquity but making

no entries of my own I tore the one used page

out and decided to start tracking al l my moves

before my memory lost track I sat down and

recorded all the moves I remembered over one

hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my

parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them

associated with the military a job or being on

the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-

derlust and exploration then relationships

and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad

landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just

being unable as a single parent to bear the rent

and high heating bills Once my oldest son and

I landed in a decent house that could hold us

indefinitely After three months I was drawn to

cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted

to gather them touch them fill their empti-

ness with our lives When I realized what was

going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in

that house for two years then moved to Hawai i

Now the kids are grown the grandkids are

teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos

no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-

foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a

semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided

me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she

said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo

As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot

out of my feet and sink into the ground I was

so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here

three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot

want to move

What have I lea rned th rough al l these

moves Adaptability being and living in the

now and that there is glory in both staying and

moving but it is much easier and cheaper to

stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland

Out of the Nest

I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E

back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze

tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last

time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex

where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs

Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot

stepped inside the apartment for eight months

To do so would risk my life

ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-

tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February

I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following

weekmdashfor six months

Left behind with Michael were our surro-

gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy

and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned

starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier

It was last October when I first developed

symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-

ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse

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41 FallWinter 2015 Move

This is where the plates layers of crust

crashed into each other in a fiery show

perhaps tens of thousands of years ago

Soon breathing was excruciating I took

shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain

Paralyzing fatigue set in

My endocrinologist suspected chronic

obstructive pulmonary disease which made

little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I

began scouring descriptions of lung conditions

Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity

pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung

Relief and terror flooded in

If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-

monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a

terminal condition in which scarring causes

respiratory failure within three to five years

Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif

caught early But the solution is drastic We

would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-

ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even

be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the

parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would

have a new ending

Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms

lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper

grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-

pice moments before plummeting

Today we are moving the last of our belong-

ings into our first house The kitties and birdies

have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed

While I cannot hold my babies I watch them

on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the

two-way speaker

From rescue feedings to teenage angst to

nighttime vigils during illness in caring for

these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging

from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety

Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey

take their first tentative steps toward flight

Today I learned the most painful lesson let-

ting go

MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene

Subduction Zones

T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK

were on an af ternoon in early Septem-

ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for

the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper

and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our

ankles

Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-

berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend

and is directly responsible for the creation of

Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back

then one that I sometimes imagined looked

like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus

Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of

the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale

their name suggests but the result of plates

shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-

tion led to the formation of the trio This is

where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into

each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-

sands of years ago Subduction zones are places

where great trauma lies

And here I was all these years later in the

shadows of these mountains loss everywhere

Later that day back at our apartment we

walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit

into anymore For more than a year we went

through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern

Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that

followed us Then one day our four-year-old

daughter started a conversation that shook me

ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo

I nodded

ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so

sadrdquo

Six words leapt at me

ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo

We moved back to Ash land where brig ht

red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-

hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot

know it then but we were charting our own

map however imperfect Healing crept up on

us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-

ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew

Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng

up the darkness Seventeen years passed

And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most

folks want to flee helps you see things more

clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in

its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along

VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland

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Oregon Humanities42POSTS

continued from previous page

Just to

underscore

how settled we

planned to be

we unpacked

EverythingEven the

heirloom china

which had never

before left its

boxes We were

here to stay

Dance Church

SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I

go to church Dance church A church

where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers

to recite A church where at first glance outsid-

ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon

arriving I see a few little munchkins running

around with oversize neon headphones on to

protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music

set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with

rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors

There are flowers candles pillow puddles

beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some

kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in

alignment with the morningrsquos intention

As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s

become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-

tainer in which I can move once again after

years of chronic freezing and dissociating A

trapped animal released back into the wild

wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom

in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism

evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with

anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our

spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist

The music awakens the holy spirit within

me and dances me through throngs of people

I am an antelope cut loose checking out the

creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns

bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms

Each stunning in their authentic movement I

see people falling in love with each other from

a distance I see a girl rocking four different

Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed

like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands

ldquopracticing dancingrdquo

This is the church of Miriam the biblical

tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of

years later I move here and I am reunited with

my self my best self my most curious mischie-

vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self

Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten

invited back in the room to whip her hair back

and forth I throw my head back in delight and

laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like

hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form

of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music

EMILY I BEDAL Portland

Again

M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R

upwardly mobile engineer That trans-

lated into at least one move per year until I was

eight and another address for high school I

moved every year in college one year twice I

moved three times during my first stint in Bos-

ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-

ment for the whole two years Then it was back

to Boston where I lived in five different homes

in five years

Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for

the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe

two years back East then back to New Mexico

in two different cities three different homes

Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates

what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo

From Albuquerque we moved to our present

home in Port Orford my thirt ieth

Moving has always been exciting cathar-

tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books

by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally

donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-

ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated

magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets

ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit

thatrsquos never happened In each new house

wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos

never worked

We vowed Port Orford would be our final

ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore

how settled we planned to be we unpacked

Everything Even the heirloom china which

had never before left its boxes We were here

to stay

Except it seems wersquore going to have to move

again but not for the exciting futures wersquod

always envisioned before Now we need doctors

and hospitals and a nearby airport for family

visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is

on the other side of adventure Now we need a

place to feel safe secure

So the sorting and throwing out is about to

begin yet again There are closets and drawers

that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to

dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of

booksmdashto give away This move exciting No

way The very thought of it exhausts me

Still those other feelings cathartic freeing

new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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43 FallWinter 2015 Move

Next theme Root

For the Spring 2016 issue tell

us your stories about rooting

around taking root being

uprooted or root-bound getting

to the root of a problem being

the root of the problem rooting

someone on Share stories and

ideas about beginnings origins

and foundations Analyze a

historical or contemporary

grassroots effort Describe

the tension between staying

put and being stuck Send your

submission (400 words maxi-

mum) by February 15 2016 to

postsoregonhumanitiesorg

Submissions may be edited for

space or clarity

Listen to Your Body

I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y

motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease

Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit

and spot-on timing Though she was confined

to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was

still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her

sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-

cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone

have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but

aching joints diminished strength and a fal-

tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back

Those maladies werenrsquot the result of

chronic disease More like lack of exercise At

some point in the past decade or so I developed

an aversion to any fitness routine That choice

has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo

class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community

Center

Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the

center for the past thirty-six years teaches

the dance-infused workout three days a week

Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at

the core of each class She dispenses praise as

we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform

deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements

and she encourages each of us to breathe and

listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably

youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying

ballet seriously By then her versatility as an

actress singer dancer and comedian had been

evident in community theater productions in

the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although

not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few

years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe

continues to lead a full life She can still stand

and press her palms flat to the floor despite

relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip

notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg

and stretch at the barre

A role model for agi ng wit h presence and

dignity Lynn maintains her considerable

charm and elegance and purposely keeps her

body and mind active Like my mother she

is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has

inspired me to accept what my body can do

today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow

Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for

getting up in the morning And by some mea-

sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE

Portland

Over the Hill

I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D

eleven times in three years I worked spring

through fall as a natural history guide in

Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure

where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned

into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply

moved around A lot With each new tempo-

rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked

clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was

nothing

At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the

person who would become my life partner

another seasonal worker We would move from

Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We

lived one magical off-season on a houseboat

on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the

ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught

me I loved wide-open spaces What could be

wider than the Pacific A fter one more season

of guiding I came back to the coast and decided

to stay

I volunteered my way into one steady job

and eventually landed another at the local

college After a few more seasons my partner

came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota

and we bought another together He built a

business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our

hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and

had a child Wersquod officially settled down

The economic hardships of rural living

however are real job opportunities decline

and can no longer support the life wersquove built

The accumulation of years no longer fits into

the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner

took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast

and we lived as a split family The split was tax-

ing though so we decided to make the move

to the city We left the first community of our

adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven

ourselves The only community our daughter

has even known Friends asked me not to go

Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart

still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the

sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes

at the memory of that moon over Tillamook

Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot

nothingmdashitrsquos every thing

NANCY SLAVIN Portland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities44

Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm

LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015

This intertwined story of two

teenage girls and their mothers

is set in New Orleans during

and after Hurricane Katrina

In her debut novel Urbani an

Oregon writer with Southern

roots brings a maternal touch

to the narrative handling trag-

edy with a careful soulfulness

and love This honest yet brutal

story will simultaneously break

and warm your heart

mdashAnnie Kaffen

At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015

Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French

Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the

Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural

French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-

tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans

and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a

snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland

Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015

Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the

Oregon physician and radicalrsquos

extraordinary experiences

from her early years working in

a textile mill in New Bedford

Massachusetts through her

activist years in Oregon includ-

ing a three-year term at San

Quentin State Prison Equi lived

openly as a lesbian beginning in

the 1890s and was one of the

first practicing female doctors

in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and

compassion for others with a

strong personal belief in social

and economic justice

mdashCarole Shel lhart

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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45 FallWinter 2015 Move

People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015

This debut collection from

Portland writer Margaret

Malone is filled with brief

bitterly funny stories about the

sort of people who tie them-

selves in knots in their heads

and feel uncomfortable in their

own skin and can never quite

bring themselves to say the

words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point

includes all of us

mdashBen Waterhouse

The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015

Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer

The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with

Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research

for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the

first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of

revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced

a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer

in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he

writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo

mdashMaggie Starr

To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for

Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon

Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205

Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe

Sasquatch Books 2015

Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter

Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt

to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography

in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers

a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden

rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance

sounds smells and much more

mdashBen Waterhouse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities46

Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson

February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum

1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg

CROPPINGS

Wendy Red Star Untitled

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4748

Oregon Humanities programs are

funded by the National Endowment

for the Humanities and the Oregon

Cultural Trust and by contributions from

individuals foundations community

organizations and corporations For

more information about Oregon

Humanities or to learn how you can help

more Oregonians get together share

ideas listen think and grow please

contact us at

921 SW Washington Street Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax

(503) 241-0024

ohmoregonhumanitiesorg

oregonhumanitiesorg

Staff

e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r

Adam Davis

facilitation and tra ining manager

Rachel Bernstein

communicationsprogram associate

Eloise Holland

editorassociate director

Kathleen Holt

development director

Kamla Hurst

program officer

Annie Kaffen

office manager

Mikaela Schey

director of finance and oper ations

Carole Shellhart

development associate

Maggie Starr

communications associate

Ben Waterhouse

program coordinator

Kyle Weismann-Yee

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Board of Directorsch a i r

Sona Karentz Andrews Portland

v ic e ch a i r

Janet Webster Newport

tr e a s u r e r

Jeff Cronn Portland

secretary

Matthew Boulay Salem

Paul Duden Portland

Kimberly Howard Portland

Nels Johnson Portland

Emily Karr Portland

Shannon Mara Bend

Win McCormack Portland

Alberto Moreno Portland

Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego

Ron Paul Portland

Denise Reed Astoria

Chantal Strobel Bend

Dave Weich Portland

Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED

Non-profit Org

US Postage

PAID

Permit No 1274

Portland OR

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities20

Most Americanshave no idea

that their owngovernment waspersecuting Romapeople at thesame time Romain Europe werebeing murdered inthe Holocaust

you had to have your pots and pans redonerdquo Silverman says ldquoThis was a real

Romani skillrdquo

This skill in metalwork was perfect for the emerging car industry in 1920s

and rsquo30s America ldquoRoma did this kind of service for many many Northwest

Americans and then eventua lly they got i nto t he car sales businessrdquo Silver-

man says The Romarsquos family-based car repair operations competed directly

with corporate auto repair shops offering an alternative to high-dollar services

with the personal attention of a family business So by World War II not only

was Mayor Riley rsquos expulsion of Roma families cruel but it also likely damaged

the local economy

Most Americans have no idea that their own government was persecut-

ing Roma people at the same time Roma in Europe were being murdered in

the Holocaust The Nazis killed an estimated 220000 to 500000 Roma men

women and childrenmdashperhaps 25 percent of the European Roma populationmdash

between 1935 and 1945 Morgan Ahern a SintiRomanichal Roma and founder

of Seattle-based organization Lolo Diklo Romani Against Racism believes

the number of Roma killed may be as high as 15 million ldquoMany [were killed] inconcentration campsrdquo she says ldquobut many more [were] just shot on the roadrdquo

Silverman agrees that the effect of the Holocaustmdashknown to some Roma as

the Porraimos or ldquothe devouringrdquomdashon the Roma has been ldquoa footnote in most

textbooksrdquo and is only starti ng to be examined in Holocaust museums because

of lobbying by Roma and their allies

Also overlooked in the history of Roma in the United States generations of

Roma children taken from their parents and warehoused in foster care systems

because of lifestyle differences and some families say racism Ahern was one

of those children removed from her family and put into foster care after her

parents were deemed unfit to ta ke care of her because they were Romani and

nomadic

Even today many Romani individuals and families lack birth certificatesand marriage certificates making them vulnerable to government officialsrsquo

whims Silverma n says ldquoThings like being fingerprinted havi ng a birth certifi-

cate might mean that your children are going to be taken away These historic

memories are very very very much alive for Romardquo

After generations of abuse a modest tide of Roma are beginning to speak out

about their civil rights and demand fair t reatment including fair accommoda-

tions in trying to obtain legal documentation for family members who were

born in the United States Silverman who is on the board of the nonprofit Voice

of Roma says she was involved in a c ase in Portland in which it was argued that

oral testimony in a birth is equivalent to a birth certificate ldquoWhen people bear

witness to a marriagerdquo Silverman says ldquoit doesnrsquot matter if therersquos no marriage

certificate It could be issued based on hindsight on memoryrdquo

For a community that has for generations avoided keeping their money in

bank accounts and sending their children to public schools social isolation is

giving way to an emerging movement for empowerment

On the East Coast Kalderash filmmaker George Eli produces films about

his family and is currently building a media channel on Roma And at the

University of Texas Hancock who is Romanichal Roma has spent decades

building the Program of Romani Studies and the Romani Arch ives and Docu-

mentation Center

Ahern founded Lolo Diklo which means ldquored scarfrdquo in 1986 along w ith a

fellow teacher at Seattle Central College The grouprsquos purpose is to document

discrimination and persecution of Romani Ahernrsquos fatherrsquos Romanichal fam-ily have lived in the United States since the 1700s and were originally sent from

Ireland by the British government as slaves Her motherrsquos family were Sinti who

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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21 FallWinter 2015 Move

No documentsor oral histories

exist showingwhat happened tothe Roma familiesforced out ofPortland in 1944

arrived in the United States in the late 1930s

fleeing the climate in Germany Her maternal

grandmother pretended to be Italian to get into

the country

Over the years Ahern has traveled through-

out the West Coast lecturing about Roma cul-ture and civil rights She works with Romani

organizations across the United States South

America Canada Europe and Spain

Silverman adds that over the past twenty

years many American Roma have become

born-again Christians establishing their own

churches or joining evangelical congregations

Some of these church leaders are emerging as

community spokespeoplemdashsomething very

new for a community that has been persecuted

for so long ldquoThere are Roma who donrsquot want

to be left alone anymore because they are at a

disadvantage when they are left alonerdquo Silver-

man says ldquoThey are being very brave to actu-

ally interact with t he US court systemrdquo

But despite these efforts even today the dis-

crimination that Roma face by revealing their

heritage remains very real ldquoIn their historical

memory interacting with American institu-

tions has often resulted in a form of marginal-

izationrdquo Silverman says

For example Silverman describes ethnic

profiling by police bureaus through what wereknown as ldquobunco squadsrdquo police bureaus in

the South that had ldquoGypsy unitsrdquo to focus on

ldquoGypsy crimerdquo She says ldquoThis is ethnic profiling of crime

assuming that all Roma commit a certain kind of crime and

certain ki nds of crimes are only committed by Romardquo

The racial profiling of Roma people doesnrsquot stop with law

enforcement it is a staple of local news The language used

in Pacific Northwest news coverage in the past ten years to

describe alleged offenders has hardly changed from what was

writ ten in newspapers in the early 1900s

In 2007 a ldquoNight Cabbierdquo column in Willamette Week

sparked outrage ldquoThe Gypsies apparently are no jokerdquo the

unidentified cab driverwriter penned about the apparent rav-

ings of a customer ldquoDespite what we may think she explains to

us that real Gypsies arenrsquot nomadic livestock thieves but in fact

have been living in her neighborhood for decades And theyrsquore

very bad neighborsrdquo

ldquoThis is racist nonsenserdquo a reader responded ldquoInexcusable

for a serious newspaper to print such offensive content about areal livi ng breathing person in the neighborhood on account of

one of his neighbors For all we know this bigoted fool is the bad

neighborrdquo

No documents or oral histories exist showing what happened

to the Roma families forced out of Portland in 1944 Did they

stay in Texas Did they return to the Northwest Did they find

safety Or were they forced on toward some other location And

most important how in the Information Age is it possible that

the Roma experience has been all but forgotten by the main-

stream of society

Silverman holds out hope that organizations such as Voice of

Roma and Lolo Diklo can help Roma keep from getting caught inunfriendly bureaucratic systems as well as provide an opening

for more outreach and understanding The Portland Romani

Festival a one-day celebration featuring food music and infor-

mation on human rights issues affecting Roma people is ten-

tatively scheduled for late spring 2016 The Festival Romani

Facebook page is a fountain of music and cu ltural events par-

ticularly music performances up and down the West Coast

ldquoI think people should become knowledgeable about Romani

history and discrimination in order to combat itrdquo Silverman

says ldquoIt seems to me that while wersquore talking about ethnic a nd

racial diversity we can no longer eliminate a large group that

has suffered prejudice for so many years and continues to suffer

prejudicerdquo

Thanks to Fair Housing Council of Oregon for sharing this

story with Oregon Humanities through its history bus tour

Lisa Loving has reported on civil rights and diversity in

Oregon for more than fifteen years She is a news and

public affairs producer at KBOO Community Radio 907

FM in Portland and the former news editor of the award-

winning African American community newspaper the

Skanner Her new book How to Be a Citizen Journalist will

be released in 2017 by Microcosm Publishing

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Oregon Humanities22

Like all places Oregon has a brand an identity that distinguishes

it from other places This identity is a pastiche of characteris-

ticsmdashenvironmental and agricultural urban and rural intrepid and

entrepreneurialmdashthat become a kind of shorthand that rightly or

wrongly insiders and outsiders read to understand what this state

and its people collectively value But how much do we the resi-

dents of this place really know about the systems behind these

things that seem to represent our identity

On the pages that follow we look more closely at just four ofthese cultural identifiers and how they move through their individ-

ual systems coho salmon up the Columbia River past historical

sites trash recyclables reusables and compost from Portland to

other parts of the state and the world bicycles buses and cars

up a busy corridor through a rapidly changing neighborhood and

ideas measures and laws through what is sometimes called the

Oregon System

Thanks to sources at the Confluence Project Death with Dignity Friends of the Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge Heiberg Garbage and

Recycling Metro MIG Northwest Power and Conservation Council Ofce of the Secretary of State Oregon History Project Oregon Legis -

lature Portland Bureau of Transportation TriMet and US Forest Servicersquos Pacific Northwest Research Station for their help with this story

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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23 FallWinter 2015 Move

Salmon up the Columbia RiverAFTER SPENDING sixteen to twenty months at sea a coho

salmon begins her journey up the Columbia and Sandy Rivers

back to her natal spawning grounds This amazing biological phe-

nomenon is also rich with cultural significance and the landmarks

she passes upstream mark the politics and history of her species

1 Salmon were central to the Chinook that once inhabited villages

along the lower Columbia and seining was the most important

method used to catch the fish As runs declined in the early twen-

tieth century white fishermen drove the Chinook off Sand Island

and Peacock Spit two of the most productive seining areas in

the estuary Seining was prohibited by Washington in 1934 and

Oregon in 1948

2 On March 16 1806 Meriwether Lewis drew and described a fish

brought to him at Fort Clatsop ldquoThe white Salmon Trout has

now made itrsquos appearance in the creeks near this place one of

them was brought us today by an Indian who had just taken it with

his gig this is a likness of itrdquo The fish was later classified as coho

salmon Oncorhynchus kisutch

3 In 1866 the brothers George W and William Hume and Andrew

S Hapgood established a salmon cannery at Eagle Cliff

Washington packing 4000 cases their first year In 1895 up to

50 Columbia canneries produced 635000 cases of salmon But

by 1977 the pack was just 2547 cases The last major cannery

on the Columbia closed in 1980

4 On November 5 1805 Lewis and Clark recorded a visit to the

ldquoQuathapotle Nationrdquo one of the largest Chinookan villages the

expedition encountered Today Cathlapotle is an archeological site

and the home of a modern plankhouse which serves as an outdoor

classroom and is used by the Chinook Indian Nation

5 In 2008 Maya Linrsquos sculpture Bird Blind was dedicated The blind

lists 134 plants documented by Lewis and Clark along with one

word on their status today thriving threatened endangered or

extinct Coho are listed as threatened today

6 In 2007 the Marmot Dam part of Portland General Electric hydro-

electric project in the Sandy River basin was removed due to

pressure from conservation groups and rising management costs

Built in 1913 by Portland Railway Light and Power Company the

dam provided hydroelectric power to Portland Today salmon navi-gate a free-flowing river mdashTRM

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities24

1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every

other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-

cling one of a number of independent haulers

in the Metro region grind their gears uphill

traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food

scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-

board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue

recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in

the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green

roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-

egory recycling compost and yard waste and

garbage

2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly

either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-

gon Recycling System past the airport in East

Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery

facilities (there are a handful in the region)

which then sell the materials based on demand

in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others

in foreign countries such as China

3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable

waste the other trucks head to Metro Central

Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro

South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-

tions in the region Last year almost a half a

million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos

two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins

other company haulers contractors with con-

struction waste and residential customers with

miscellaneous items not picked up through

home collection service At the transfer station

the sorting process begins

4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature

Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-

ogy Organics outside of North Plains about

twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about

twelve miles north of Corvallis

5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household

items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material

in roads

6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader

then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time

is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer

stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a

three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty

no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush

plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo

According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the

garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material

The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is

often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per

minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to

an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the

plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity

powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM

Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland

Waste fromSouthwestPortland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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25 FallWinter 2015 Move

1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in

winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period

in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a

twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source

TriMet)

HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make

every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-

tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed

Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-

age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo

In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin

Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the

new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue

represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even

signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from

the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles

per hour depending on the time of day

The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars

buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic

signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and

emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one

hundred intersections throughout Portland

Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North

Williams today reflects a different wave of development and

demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share

the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to

bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes

to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density

residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG

Traffic on North Williams Avenue

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities26

Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect

changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-

erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed

law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or

rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already

passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a

referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather

than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-

ers approved this system in 1902

This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an

initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on

a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided

driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal

documentation of US citizenship status

1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three

ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)

Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text

of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall

issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to

provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)

2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-

tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)

3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of

Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative

petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State

Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal

Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)

4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is

certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults

to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88

58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold

of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to

qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-

ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without

requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to

Dec 2013)

5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88

Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor

Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)

6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51

to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails

666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-

croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered

by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed

lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move

(2003)

7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block

saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-

zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the

case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor

General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the

practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The

US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide

law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG

Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer

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27 FallWinter 2015 Move

SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137

983158983151983145983139983141

N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -

room closet I came across a box of old family photographs

I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color

photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-

ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five

standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie

primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos

hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-

tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against

the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But

the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a

frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat

in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple

of the Sun

A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -

graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one

end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both

L A I L A L A L A M I

Al-Mursquoallaqat

The GoldenOdes of Love

J E N W I C K S T U D I O

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Oregon Humanities28

of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels

science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-

raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to

love books so much perhaps books provided them an education

about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing

from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches

that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-

ing the reign of King Hassan

It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned

to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed

copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from

friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about

whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-

drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new

offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte

which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne

Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others

Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les

petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why

the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion

Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which

the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to

either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan

tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three

Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords

and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo

Of course none of the characters in these books looked or

spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly

all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan

bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their

homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my

own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they

had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary

world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an

alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define

normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like

my country my imagination had been colonized

I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly

the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-

acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the

fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled

my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high

school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes

where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-

yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as

well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father

said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it

was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted

D RISS C H RAI BI

LA

CI VI LISA TIO N

MA M E R E

PAR

ALEXANDRE DUMAS

Taha Hussein

THE

DA YS

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29 FallWinter 2015 Move

When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same

school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum

el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine

At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were

taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled

with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still

the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-

language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from

the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi

al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the

Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese

Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-

moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some

of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved

each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a

classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-

els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan

authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-

tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren

It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read

adult literature on my own and independently from school that

I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-

ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos

La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a

sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin

Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book

that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment

of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read

lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was

as fertile ground for fiction as any other

And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature

nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in

French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after

all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-

latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss

Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was

ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a

particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made

it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I

was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train

in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco

medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-

ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my

hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat

or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-

matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely

be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study

linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in

a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in

an analytica l way

Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in

Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship

to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait

I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and

racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School

of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work

of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went

back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how

often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes

Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in

our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in

formal soireacutees French was de rigueur

Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-

guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles

and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in

English which made me think even more about the relationship

between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a

prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power

an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people

The education I had received had emphasized the importance

of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our

media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the

shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed

in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored

by the French government for free access to books The role of

Every time I went back

to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much

and how often we moved

between French and

Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not

went through life

switching between codes

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Oregon Humanities30

French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a

cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no

longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case

of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should

not be writing at all

I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish

after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried

to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of

me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that

stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have

immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the

native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow

me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred

to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic

languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought

Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my

days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use

English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the

linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh

perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a

child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-

gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the

same story

I have always written because I have always had the urge to

tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided

that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-

thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my

race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-

larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while

the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and

waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had

enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos

phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-

rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat

seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of

others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the

works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s

such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in

the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and

sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing

graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had

always told stories but now I wanted to be heard

This essay was first published in World Literature Today

Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami

Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The

Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The

Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy

Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for

Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016

Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16

and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for

more information and to buy tickets

Writing in French came

at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial

baggage that I no longer

wanted to carry I started

to suffer from a peculiar

case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic

perhaps I should not be

writing at all

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31 FallWinter 2015 Move

A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good

LORETTA STINSON

I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M

every day after work waiting for Bruce to

get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching

myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me

sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on

from a distance at whatever is happening to

me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie

and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-

kick of the star or I play a supporting role but

I am definitely not the star of this movie The

moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom

just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been

able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed

freak for fifteen years

Sun through the small rectangular win-

dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats

wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in

1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from

the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom

watchi ng my past present a nd future selves

do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental

after another waiting for the next bad thing

to happen and not getting out of the way even

when I see it coming The habit of living in con-

stant fear and the resignation that nothing can

ever change are the glue that holds me in place

This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting

on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on

Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on

hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the

future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who

can only be counted on not to be counted on

In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses

and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about

J U L I A N N A B R I O N

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Oregon Humanities32

detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot

change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-

ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what

the old-timers were saying Needless to say

I didnrsquot

Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go

home and try some new strategy to make Bruce

quit using I once read a book about how sugar

was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding

him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein

diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck

them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat

and beer is a very filling meal in itself When

he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put

in front of him but speed and alcohol are his

drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-

ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never

remembers what he does to me and since he

doesnrsquot remember I have to forget

It be what it be Bruce says about all things

unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color

electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it

be Today I see things clearly for the first time

Today I see myself on this couch waiting for

someone else to do the changing Today I see

that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be

my life until the day he kills me or he dies or

I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been

disappointed too many times Addiction his to

drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove

been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot

see my part until now

My only friend has been telling me for

months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I

have left many times for a day or a week but

Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop

drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs

to me for the first time that this is absurd and a

huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe

itrsquos me who needs to change and not because

that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction

is his business

Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll

be wasted because it was payday and most of

his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-

ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood

alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or

hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how

those will interact with his mood the kind of

day he had and if hersquos eaten

None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for

such a long time that I could Like every person

who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that

if I did all the right things I would figure out a

way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on

his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine

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33 FallWinter 2015 Move

I worked like some kind of crazy statistician

making up story problems to predict what he

might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job

and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without

eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito

at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos

left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going

to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-

ing home mistakes his second wife for his first

wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out

Please show your work

I have never been able to figure out the rec-

ipe for equilibrium His or mine

Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce

comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not

wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face

slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat

the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says

Itrsquos not really a question but I answer

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him

clearly for the first time I see his addiction in

action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have

nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest

thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can

do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look

at him for too long when hersquos been drinking

kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash

you just back away slowly and try not to piss

him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows

too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how

little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs

to believe because he has to be mad at some-

one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom

just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by

the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about

nothing that it was never my face that pissed

him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He

needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave

to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do

no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a

revelation

He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you

looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on

the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-

spread that covers its stained sagging cush-

ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier

mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore

afraid when hersquos like this and they should be

Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that

hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what

if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities34

dead or at least not living just existing on the

edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story

Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom

suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am

afraid of being killed

I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to

make a home The china teacups that I str ung

together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks

in the window like a mobile The plants my

booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the

sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the

bed my dad and I refinished before I left home

The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday

The fifteen years of history we have together

one year short of half my life tonight not all of

it bad He is no monster just a man struggling

wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to

face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo

He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo

He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo

Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He

screams them at me knowing how in the past

these are the very words that made me cling to

him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go

Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but

this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest

the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about

his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does

Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom

seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man

Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried

to help for his own good right This man Irsquove

tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody

made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when

I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself

Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the

usual responseI know three things tonight Number one

If I stay this will be my life until I die Number

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities36

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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37 FallWinter 2015 Move

M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN

he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline

somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and

believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he

turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean

for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees

in rows

My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home

at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York

City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for

rows of buildings

ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says

In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark

skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the

Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n

My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I

met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo

My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too

often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance

of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He

was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister

a year later

My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my

father a suit They seem happy in the picture

Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put

half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband

My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years

My grandmother died

All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a

life rocked with waves

P A I G E

V I C K E R S

JASON ARI AS

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities38

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have

let that slip through thecracksrdquo

My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes

My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why

Grandma was hiding

Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here

To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-

vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where

we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We

have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo

I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened

My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next

closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed

a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time

tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the

process

Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends

Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his

giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist

until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again

We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in

the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-

ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-

lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be

Ama zons)

The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door

I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour

feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean

ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said

We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not

about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same

ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As

kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon

I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower

water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the

high tide after being beached again and again

One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom

decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia

One of my new Olympian friends flicked a

match that started a fire inside my mattress I

tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking

Mom came home and we put the burning

bed outside

This isnrsquot a metaphor

I slept on the floor of my bedroom that

night missing the ocean of Grayland while my

mom and sister shared their bed in the room

next to mine The next morning my mattress

was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-

ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a

popular song on the radio at the time One of us

would start singing the lyrics

How can we dance when our earth is turning

and then wersquod all join in

How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh

But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame

Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-

land That no matter how many times we

were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty

porous flotation device on which to try to

reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe

even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the

way we did as something gia nt and limit less

something to be feared and conquered some-

thing to be moved by

In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a

flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called

my name and the light receded back down the

hall disappearing into the living room and

slipping out the front door

We discovered that the flickering light had

left wax shapes on the carpet of our living

room that could have been bad pentagrams or

the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It

left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot

take any money It left us wondering if some

past boyfriend had found us somehow

Whi le we were out the next day somebody

hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment

door Mom winced at the divots denting the

wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing

mechanism once was with her hand

We left the dishes in the sink

We left no forwarding address

We boarded a bus

Two days later we were on the doorstep of

the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with

a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my

backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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39 FallWinter 2015 Move

in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever

received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer

trophies in the other

At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude

who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-

thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been

there were two concave smooth-skinned div-

ots She was always smiling I liked watching

how Jude listened

Before long the four of us moved into an

apartment between Portland and Gresham It

was right on the MAX line and right on the city

line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-

landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign

that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block

to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch

my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but

Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the

perfect space for her She said it was easier for

her to know where everything was in a smaller

environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond

than an ocean

One day Jude brought her new boyfriend

home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo

ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said

Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor

and said ldquo White peoplerdquo

I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was

wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what

ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to

a blind person

Red is the rage in your gut

White is the entrapment of the disabled

One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend

and her room became a closet again

We saw her a little and then not at all

Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to

Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally

almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of

my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday

cards and pictures that were inside it

Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-

day cards away

My wife and I began archiving our new fam-

ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with

the rest of them Our sons grew I became an

uncle My grandfather remarried and went

crazy My mother still has the same smile she

had when I was young

Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a

bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple

of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary

There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help

you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear

Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie

each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out

If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads

directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end

points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably

guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock

between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled

and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long

by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of

human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of

the Mayan calendar

In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and

I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of

the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam

When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-

land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else

ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says

one night while wersquore lying in bed

And I do

I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that

had to happen I listen to our breath

In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I

make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My

finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving

And then the line disappears

And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and

falling together

Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the

Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life

Poems and Stories of the Dead

If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between

Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities40

READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts

One hundred moves and not one of

them associated with the military

a job or being on the run

The Ledger

Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G

through a yard sale I picked up an old

ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-

ance Company of New York A large thin hard-

bound ledger black with a red spine eleven

inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by

insurance agents to track insurers and their

policies all entries written by hand There was

only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty

cents the rest of the pages were blank After

years of treasuring its antiquity but making

no entries of my own I tore the one used page

out and decided to start tracking al l my moves

before my memory lost track I sat down and

recorded all the moves I remembered over one

hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my

parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them

associated with the military a job or being on

the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-

derlust and exploration then relationships

and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad

landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just

being unable as a single parent to bear the rent

and high heating bills Once my oldest son and

I landed in a decent house that could hold us

indefinitely After three months I was drawn to

cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted

to gather them touch them fill their empti-

ness with our lives When I realized what was

going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in

that house for two years then moved to Hawai i

Now the kids are grown the grandkids are

teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos

no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-

foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a

semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided

me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she

said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo

As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot

out of my feet and sink into the ground I was

so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here

three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot

want to move

What have I lea rned th rough al l these

moves Adaptability being and living in the

now and that there is glory in both staying and

moving but it is much easier and cheaper to

stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland

Out of the Nest

I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E

back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze

tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last

time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex

where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs

Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot

stepped inside the apartment for eight months

To do so would risk my life

ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-

tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February

I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following

weekmdashfor six months

Left behind with Michael were our surro-

gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy

and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned

starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier

It was last October when I first developed

symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-

ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse

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41 FallWinter 2015 Move

This is where the plates layers of crust

crashed into each other in a fiery show

perhaps tens of thousands of years ago

Soon breathing was excruciating I took

shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain

Paralyzing fatigue set in

My endocrinologist suspected chronic

obstructive pulmonary disease which made

little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I

began scouring descriptions of lung conditions

Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity

pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung

Relief and terror flooded in

If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-

monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a

terminal condition in which scarring causes

respiratory failure within three to five years

Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif

caught early But the solution is drastic We

would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-

ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even

be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the

parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would

have a new ending

Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms

lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper

grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-

pice moments before plummeting

Today we are moving the last of our belong-

ings into our first house The kitties and birdies

have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed

While I cannot hold my babies I watch them

on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the

two-way speaker

From rescue feedings to teenage angst to

nighttime vigils during illness in caring for

these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging

from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety

Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey

take their first tentative steps toward flight

Today I learned the most painful lesson let-

ting go

MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene

Subduction Zones

T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK

were on an af ternoon in early Septem-

ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for

the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper

and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our

ankles

Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-

berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend

and is directly responsible for the creation of

Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back

then one that I sometimes imagined looked

like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus

Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of

the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale

their name suggests but the result of plates

shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-

tion led to the formation of the trio This is

where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into

each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-

sands of years ago Subduction zones are places

where great trauma lies

And here I was all these years later in the

shadows of these mountains loss everywhere

Later that day back at our apartment we

walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit

into anymore For more than a year we went

through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern

Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that

followed us Then one day our four-year-old

daughter started a conversation that shook me

ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo

I nodded

ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so

sadrdquo

Six words leapt at me

ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo

We moved back to Ash land where brig ht

red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-

hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot

know it then but we were charting our own

map however imperfect Healing crept up on

us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-

ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew

Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng

up the darkness Seventeen years passed

And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most

folks want to flee helps you see things more

clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in

its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along

VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland

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Oregon Humanities42POSTS

continued from previous page

Just to

underscore

how settled we

planned to be

we unpacked

EverythingEven the

heirloom china

which had never

before left its

boxes We were

here to stay

Dance Church

SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I

go to church Dance church A church

where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers

to recite A church where at first glance outsid-

ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon

arriving I see a few little munchkins running

around with oversize neon headphones on to

protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music

set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with

rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors

There are flowers candles pillow puddles

beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some

kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in

alignment with the morningrsquos intention

As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s

become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-

tainer in which I can move once again after

years of chronic freezing and dissociating A

trapped animal released back into the wild

wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom

in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism

evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with

anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our

spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist

The music awakens the holy spirit within

me and dances me through throngs of people

I am an antelope cut loose checking out the

creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns

bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms

Each stunning in their authentic movement I

see people falling in love with each other from

a distance I see a girl rocking four different

Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed

like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands

ldquopracticing dancingrdquo

This is the church of Miriam the biblical

tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of

years later I move here and I am reunited with

my self my best self my most curious mischie-

vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self

Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten

invited back in the room to whip her hair back

and forth I throw my head back in delight and

laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like

hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form

of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music

EMILY I BEDAL Portland

Again

M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R

upwardly mobile engineer That trans-

lated into at least one move per year until I was

eight and another address for high school I

moved every year in college one year twice I

moved three times during my first stint in Bos-

ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-

ment for the whole two years Then it was back

to Boston where I lived in five different homes

in five years

Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for

the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe

two years back East then back to New Mexico

in two different cities three different homes

Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates

what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo

From Albuquerque we moved to our present

home in Port Orford my thirt ieth

Moving has always been exciting cathar-

tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books

by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally

donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-

ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated

magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets

ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit

thatrsquos never happened In each new house

wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos

never worked

We vowed Port Orford would be our final

ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore

how settled we planned to be we unpacked

Everything Even the heirloom china which

had never before left its boxes We were here

to stay

Except it seems wersquore going to have to move

again but not for the exciting futures wersquod

always envisioned before Now we need doctors

and hospitals and a nearby airport for family

visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is

on the other side of adventure Now we need a

place to feel safe secure

So the sorting and throwing out is about to

begin yet again There are closets and drawers

that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to

dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of

booksmdashto give away This move exciting No

way The very thought of it exhausts me

Still those other feelings cathartic freeing

new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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43 FallWinter 2015 Move

Next theme Root

For the Spring 2016 issue tell

us your stories about rooting

around taking root being

uprooted or root-bound getting

to the root of a problem being

the root of the problem rooting

someone on Share stories and

ideas about beginnings origins

and foundations Analyze a

historical or contemporary

grassroots effort Describe

the tension between staying

put and being stuck Send your

submission (400 words maxi-

mum) by February 15 2016 to

postsoregonhumanitiesorg

Submissions may be edited for

space or clarity

Listen to Your Body

I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y

motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease

Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit

and spot-on timing Though she was confined

to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was

still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her

sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-

cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone

have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but

aching joints diminished strength and a fal-

tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back

Those maladies werenrsquot the result of

chronic disease More like lack of exercise At

some point in the past decade or so I developed

an aversion to any fitness routine That choice

has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo

class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community

Center

Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the

center for the past thirty-six years teaches

the dance-infused workout three days a week

Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at

the core of each class She dispenses praise as

we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform

deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements

and she encourages each of us to breathe and

listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably

youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying

ballet seriously By then her versatility as an

actress singer dancer and comedian had been

evident in community theater productions in

the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although

not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few

years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe

continues to lead a full life She can still stand

and press her palms flat to the floor despite

relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip

notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg

and stretch at the barre

A role model for agi ng wit h presence and

dignity Lynn maintains her considerable

charm and elegance and purposely keeps her

body and mind active Like my mother she

is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has

inspired me to accept what my body can do

today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow

Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for

getting up in the morning And by some mea-

sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE

Portland

Over the Hill

I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D

eleven times in three years I worked spring

through fall as a natural history guide in

Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure

where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned

into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply

moved around A lot With each new tempo-

rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked

clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was

nothing

At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the

person who would become my life partner

another seasonal worker We would move from

Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We

lived one magical off-season on a houseboat

on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the

ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught

me I loved wide-open spaces What could be

wider than the Pacific A fter one more season

of guiding I came back to the coast and decided

to stay

I volunteered my way into one steady job

and eventually landed another at the local

college After a few more seasons my partner

came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota

and we bought another together He built a

business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our

hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and

had a child Wersquod officially settled down

The economic hardships of rural living

however are real job opportunities decline

and can no longer support the life wersquove built

The accumulation of years no longer fits into

the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner

took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast

and we lived as a split family The split was tax-

ing though so we decided to make the move

to the city We left the first community of our

adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven

ourselves The only community our daughter

has even known Friends asked me not to go

Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart

still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the

sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes

at the memory of that moon over Tillamook

Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot

nothingmdashitrsquos every thing

NANCY SLAVIN Portland

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Oregon Humanities44

Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm

LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015

This intertwined story of two

teenage girls and their mothers

is set in New Orleans during

and after Hurricane Katrina

In her debut novel Urbani an

Oregon writer with Southern

roots brings a maternal touch

to the narrative handling trag-

edy with a careful soulfulness

and love This honest yet brutal

story will simultaneously break

and warm your heart

mdashAnnie Kaffen

At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015

Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French

Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the

Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural

French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-

tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans

and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a

snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland

Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015

Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the

Oregon physician and radicalrsquos

extraordinary experiences

from her early years working in

a textile mill in New Bedford

Massachusetts through her

activist years in Oregon includ-

ing a three-year term at San

Quentin State Prison Equi lived

openly as a lesbian beginning in

the 1890s and was one of the

first practicing female doctors

in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and

compassion for others with a

strong personal belief in social

and economic justice

mdashCarole Shel lhart

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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45 FallWinter 2015 Move

People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015

This debut collection from

Portland writer Margaret

Malone is filled with brief

bitterly funny stories about the

sort of people who tie them-

selves in knots in their heads

and feel uncomfortable in their

own skin and can never quite

bring themselves to say the

words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point

includes all of us

mdashBen Waterhouse

The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015

Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer

The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with

Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research

for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the

first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of

revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced

a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer

in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he

writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo

mdashMaggie Starr

To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for

Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon

Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205

Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe

Sasquatch Books 2015

Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter

Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt

to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography

in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers

a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden

rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance

sounds smells and much more

mdashBen Waterhouse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities46

Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson

February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum

1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg

CROPPINGS

Wendy Red Star Untitled

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities programs are

funded by the National Endowment

for the Humanities and the Oregon

Cultural Trust and by contributions from

individuals foundations community

organizations and corporations For

more information about Oregon

Humanities or to learn how you can help

more Oregonians get together share

ideas listen think and grow please

contact us at

921 SW Washington Street Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax

(503) 241-0024

ohmoregonhumanitiesorg

oregonhumanitiesorg

Staff

e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r

Adam Davis

facilitation and tra ining manager

Rachel Bernstein

communicationsprogram associate

Eloise Holland

editorassociate director

Kathleen Holt

development director

Kamla Hurst

program officer

Annie Kaffen

office manager

Mikaela Schey

director of finance and oper ations

Carole Shellhart

development associate

Maggie Starr

communications associate

Ben Waterhouse

program coordinator

Kyle Weismann-Yee

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4848

Board of Directorsch a i r

Sona Karentz Andrews Portland

v ic e ch a i r

Janet Webster Newport

tr e a s u r e r

Jeff Cronn Portland

secretary

Matthew Boulay Salem

Paul Duden Portland

Kimberly Howard Portland

Nels Johnson Portland

Emily Karr Portland

Shannon Mara Bend

Win McCormack Portland

Alberto Moreno Portland

Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego

Ron Paul Portland

Denise Reed Astoria

Chantal Strobel Bend

Dave Weich Portland

Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED

Non-profit Org

US Postage

PAID

Permit No 1274

Portland OR

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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21 FallWinter 2015 Move

No documentsor oral histories

exist showingwhat happened tothe Roma familiesforced out ofPortland in 1944

arrived in the United States in the late 1930s

fleeing the climate in Germany Her maternal

grandmother pretended to be Italian to get into

the country

Over the years Ahern has traveled through-

out the West Coast lecturing about Roma cul-ture and civil rights She works with Romani

organizations across the United States South

America Canada Europe and Spain

Silverman adds that over the past twenty

years many American Roma have become

born-again Christians establishing their own

churches or joining evangelical congregations

Some of these church leaders are emerging as

community spokespeoplemdashsomething very

new for a community that has been persecuted

for so long ldquoThere are Roma who donrsquot want

to be left alone anymore because they are at a

disadvantage when they are left alonerdquo Silver-

man says ldquoThey are being very brave to actu-

ally interact with t he US court systemrdquo

But despite these efforts even today the dis-

crimination that Roma face by revealing their

heritage remains very real ldquoIn their historical

memory interacting with American institu-

tions has often resulted in a form of marginal-

izationrdquo Silverman says

For example Silverman describes ethnic

profiling by police bureaus through what wereknown as ldquobunco squadsrdquo police bureaus in

the South that had ldquoGypsy unitsrdquo to focus on

ldquoGypsy crimerdquo She says ldquoThis is ethnic profiling of crime

assuming that all Roma commit a certain kind of crime and

certain ki nds of crimes are only committed by Romardquo

The racial profiling of Roma people doesnrsquot stop with law

enforcement it is a staple of local news The language used

in Pacific Northwest news coverage in the past ten years to

describe alleged offenders has hardly changed from what was

writ ten in newspapers in the early 1900s

In 2007 a ldquoNight Cabbierdquo column in Willamette Week

sparked outrage ldquoThe Gypsies apparently are no jokerdquo the

unidentified cab driverwriter penned about the apparent rav-

ings of a customer ldquoDespite what we may think she explains to

us that real Gypsies arenrsquot nomadic livestock thieves but in fact

have been living in her neighborhood for decades And theyrsquore

very bad neighborsrdquo

ldquoThis is racist nonsenserdquo a reader responded ldquoInexcusable

for a serious newspaper to print such offensive content about areal livi ng breathing person in the neighborhood on account of

one of his neighbors For all we know this bigoted fool is the bad

neighborrdquo

No documents or oral histories exist showing what happened

to the Roma families forced out of Portland in 1944 Did they

stay in Texas Did they return to the Northwest Did they find

safety Or were they forced on toward some other location And

most important how in the Information Age is it possible that

the Roma experience has been all but forgotten by the main-

stream of society

Silverman holds out hope that organizations such as Voice of

Roma and Lolo Diklo can help Roma keep from getting caught inunfriendly bureaucratic systems as well as provide an opening

for more outreach and understanding The Portland Romani

Festival a one-day celebration featuring food music and infor-

mation on human rights issues affecting Roma people is ten-

tatively scheduled for late spring 2016 The Festival Romani

Facebook page is a fountain of music and cu ltural events par-

ticularly music performances up and down the West Coast

ldquoI think people should become knowledgeable about Romani

history and discrimination in order to combat itrdquo Silverman

says ldquoIt seems to me that while wersquore talking about ethnic a nd

racial diversity we can no longer eliminate a large group that

has suffered prejudice for so many years and continues to suffer

prejudicerdquo

Thanks to Fair Housing Council of Oregon for sharing this

story with Oregon Humanities through its history bus tour

Lisa Loving has reported on civil rights and diversity in

Oregon for more than fifteen years She is a news and

public affairs producer at KBOO Community Radio 907

FM in Portland and the former news editor of the award-

winning African American community newspaper the

Skanner Her new book How to Be a Citizen Journalist will

be released in 2017 by Microcosm Publishing

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities22

Like all places Oregon has a brand an identity that distinguishes

it from other places This identity is a pastiche of characteris-

ticsmdashenvironmental and agricultural urban and rural intrepid and

entrepreneurialmdashthat become a kind of shorthand that rightly or

wrongly insiders and outsiders read to understand what this state

and its people collectively value But how much do we the resi-

dents of this place really know about the systems behind these

things that seem to represent our identity

On the pages that follow we look more closely at just four ofthese cultural identifiers and how they move through their individ-

ual systems coho salmon up the Columbia River past historical

sites trash recyclables reusables and compost from Portland to

other parts of the state and the world bicycles buses and cars

up a busy corridor through a rapidly changing neighborhood and

ideas measures and laws through what is sometimes called the

Oregon System

Thanks to sources at the Confluence Project Death with Dignity Friends of the Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge Heiberg Garbage and

Recycling Metro MIG Northwest Power and Conservation Council Ofce of the Secretary of State Oregon History Project Oregon Legis -

lature Portland Bureau of Transportation TriMet and US Forest Servicersquos Pacific Northwest Research Station for their help with this story

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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23 FallWinter 2015 Move

Salmon up the Columbia RiverAFTER SPENDING sixteen to twenty months at sea a coho

salmon begins her journey up the Columbia and Sandy Rivers

back to her natal spawning grounds This amazing biological phe-

nomenon is also rich with cultural significance and the landmarks

she passes upstream mark the politics and history of her species

1 Salmon were central to the Chinook that once inhabited villages

along the lower Columbia and seining was the most important

method used to catch the fish As runs declined in the early twen-

tieth century white fishermen drove the Chinook off Sand Island

and Peacock Spit two of the most productive seining areas in

the estuary Seining was prohibited by Washington in 1934 and

Oregon in 1948

2 On March 16 1806 Meriwether Lewis drew and described a fish

brought to him at Fort Clatsop ldquoThe white Salmon Trout has

now made itrsquos appearance in the creeks near this place one of

them was brought us today by an Indian who had just taken it with

his gig this is a likness of itrdquo The fish was later classified as coho

salmon Oncorhynchus kisutch

3 In 1866 the brothers George W and William Hume and Andrew

S Hapgood established a salmon cannery at Eagle Cliff

Washington packing 4000 cases their first year In 1895 up to

50 Columbia canneries produced 635000 cases of salmon But

by 1977 the pack was just 2547 cases The last major cannery

on the Columbia closed in 1980

4 On November 5 1805 Lewis and Clark recorded a visit to the

ldquoQuathapotle Nationrdquo one of the largest Chinookan villages the

expedition encountered Today Cathlapotle is an archeological site

and the home of a modern plankhouse which serves as an outdoor

classroom and is used by the Chinook Indian Nation

5 In 2008 Maya Linrsquos sculpture Bird Blind was dedicated The blind

lists 134 plants documented by Lewis and Clark along with one

word on their status today thriving threatened endangered or

extinct Coho are listed as threatened today

6 In 2007 the Marmot Dam part of Portland General Electric hydro-

electric project in the Sandy River basin was removed due to

pressure from conservation groups and rising management costs

Built in 1913 by Portland Railway Light and Power Company the

dam provided hydroelectric power to Portland Today salmon navi-gate a free-flowing river mdashTRM

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities24

1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every

other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-

cling one of a number of independent haulers

in the Metro region grind their gears uphill

traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food

scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-

board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue

recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in

the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green

roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-

egory recycling compost and yard waste and

garbage

2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly

either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-

gon Recycling System past the airport in East

Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery

facilities (there are a handful in the region)

which then sell the materials based on demand

in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others

in foreign countries such as China

3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable

waste the other trucks head to Metro Central

Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro

South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-

tions in the region Last year almost a half a

million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos

two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins

other company haulers contractors with con-

struction waste and residential customers with

miscellaneous items not picked up through

home collection service At the transfer station

the sorting process begins

4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature

Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-

ogy Organics outside of North Plains about

twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about

twelve miles north of Corvallis

5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household

items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material

in roads

6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader

then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time

is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer

stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a

three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty

no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush

plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo

According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the

garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material

The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is

often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per

minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to

an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the

plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity

powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM

Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland

Waste fromSouthwestPortland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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25 FallWinter 2015 Move

1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in

winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period

in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a

twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source

TriMet)

HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make

every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-

tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed

Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-

age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo

In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin

Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the

new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue

represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even

signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from

the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles

per hour depending on the time of day

The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars

buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic

signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and

emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one

hundred intersections throughout Portland

Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North

Williams today reflects a different wave of development and

demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share

the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to

bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes

to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density

residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG

Traffic on North Williams Avenue

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities26

Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect

changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-

erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed

law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or

rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already

passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a

referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather

than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-

ers approved this system in 1902

This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an

initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on

a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided

driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal

documentation of US citizenship status

1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three

ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)

Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text

of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall

issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to

provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)

2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-

tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)

3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of

Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative

petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State

Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal

Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)

4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is

certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults

to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88

58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold

of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to

qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-

ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without

requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to

Dec 2013)

5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88

Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor

Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)

6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51

to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails

666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-

croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered

by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed

lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move

(2003)

7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block

saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-

zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the

case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor

General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the

practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The

US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide

law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG

Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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27 FallWinter 2015 Move

SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137

983158983151983145983139983141

N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -

room closet I came across a box of old family photographs

I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color

photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-

ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five

standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie

primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos

hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-

tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against

the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But

the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a

frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat

in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple

of the Sun

A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -

graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one

end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both

L A I L A L A L A M I

Al-Mursquoallaqat

The GoldenOdes of Love

J E N W I C K S T U D I O

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities28

of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels

science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-

raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to

love books so much perhaps books provided them an education

about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing

from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches

that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-

ing the reign of King Hassan

It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned

to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed

copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from

friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about

whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-

drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new

offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte

which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne

Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others

Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les

petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why

the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion

Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which

the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to

either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan

tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three

Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords

and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo

Of course none of the characters in these books looked or

spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly

all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan

bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their

homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my

own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they

had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary

world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an

alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define

normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like

my country my imagination had been colonized

I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly

the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-

acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the

fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled

my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high

school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes

where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-

yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as

well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father

said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it

was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted

D RISS C H RAI BI

LA

CI VI LISA TIO N

MA M E R E

PAR

ALEXANDRE DUMAS

Taha Hussein

THE

DA YS

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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29 FallWinter 2015 Move

When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same

school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum

el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine

At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were

taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled

with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still

the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-

language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from

the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi

al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the

Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese

Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-

moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some

of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved

each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a

classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-

els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan

authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-

tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren

It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read

adult literature on my own and independently from school that

I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-

ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos

La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a

sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin

Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book

that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment

of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read

lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was

as fertile ground for fiction as any other

And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature

nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in

French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after

all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-

latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss

Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was

ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a

particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made

it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I

was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train

in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco

medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-

ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my

hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat

or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-

matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely

be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study

linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in

a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in

an analytica l way

Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in

Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship

to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait

I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and

racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School

of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work

of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went

back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how

often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes

Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in

our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in

formal soireacutees French was de rigueur

Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-

guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles

and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in

English which made me think even more about the relationship

between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a

prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power

an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people

The education I had received had emphasized the importance

of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our

media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the

shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed

in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored

by the French government for free access to books The role of

Every time I went back

to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much

and how often we moved

between French and

Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not

went through life

switching between codes

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities30

French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a

cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no

longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case

of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should

not be writing at all

I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish

after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried

to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of

me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that

stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have

immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the

native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow

me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred

to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic

languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought

Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my

days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use

English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the

linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh

perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a

child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-

gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the

same story

I have always written because I have always had the urge to

tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided

that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-

thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my

race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-

larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while

the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and

waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had

enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos

phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-

rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat

seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of

others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the

works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s

such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in

the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and

sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing

graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had

always told stories but now I wanted to be heard

This essay was first published in World Literature Today

Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami

Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The

Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The

Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy

Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for

Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016

Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16

and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for

more information and to buy tickets

Writing in French came

at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial

baggage that I no longer

wanted to carry I started

to suffer from a peculiar

case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic

perhaps I should not be

writing at all

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31 FallWinter 2015 Move

A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good

LORETTA STINSON

I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M

every day after work waiting for Bruce to

get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching

myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me

sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on

from a distance at whatever is happening to

me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie

and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-

kick of the star or I play a supporting role but

I am definitely not the star of this movie The

moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom

just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been

able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed

freak for fifteen years

Sun through the small rectangular win-

dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats

wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in

1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from

the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom

watchi ng my past present a nd future selves

do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental

after another waiting for the next bad thing

to happen and not getting out of the way even

when I see it coming The habit of living in con-

stant fear and the resignation that nothing can

ever change are the glue that holds me in place

This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting

on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on

Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on

hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the

future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who

can only be counted on not to be counted on

In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses

and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about

J U L I A N N A B R I O N

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Oregon Humanities32

detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot

change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-

ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what

the old-timers were saying Needless to say

I didnrsquot

Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go

home and try some new strategy to make Bruce

quit using I once read a book about how sugar

was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding

him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein

diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck

them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat

and beer is a very filling meal in itself When

he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put

in front of him but speed and alcohol are his

drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-

ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never

remembers what he does to me and since he

doesnrsquot remember I have to forget

It be what it be Bruce says about all things

unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color

electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it

be Today I see things clearly for the first time

Today I see myself on this couch waiting for

someone else to do the changing Today I see

that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be

my life until the day he kills me or he dies or

I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been

disappointed too many times Addiction his to

drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove

been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot

see my part until now

My only friend has been telling me for

months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I

have left many times for a day or a week but

Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop

drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs

to me for the first time that this is absurd and a

huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe

itrsquos me who needs to change and not because

that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction

is his business

Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll

be wasted because it was payday and most of

his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-

ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood

alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or

hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how

those will interact with his mood the kind of

day he had and if hersquos eaten

None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for

such a long time that I could Like every person

who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that

if I did all the right things I would figure out a

way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on

his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine

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33 FallWinter 2015 Move

I worked like some kind of crazy statistician

making up story problems to predict what he

might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job

and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without

eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito

at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos

left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going

to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-

ing home mistakes his second wife for his first

wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out

Please show your work

I have never been able to figure out the rec-

ipe for equilibrium His or mine

Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce

comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not

wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face

slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat

the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says

Itrsquos not really a question but I answer

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him

clearly for the first time I see his addiction in

action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have

nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest

thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can

do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look

at him for too long when hersquos been drinking

kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash

you just back away slowly and try not to piss

him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows

too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how

little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs

to believe because he has to be mad at some-

one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom

just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by

the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about

nothing that it was never my face that pissed

him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He

needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave

to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do

no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a

revelation

He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you

looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on

the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-

spread that covers its stained sagging cush-

ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier

mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore

afraid when hersquos like this and they should be

Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that

hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what

if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already

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Oregon Humanities34

dead or at least not living just existing on the

edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story

Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom

suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am

afraid of being killed

I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to

make a home The china teacups that I str ung

together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks

in the window like a mobile The plants my

booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the

sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the

bed my dad and I refinished before I left home

The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday

The fifteen years of history we have together

one year short of half my life tonight not all of

it bad He is no monster just a man struggling

wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to

face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo

He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo

He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo

Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He

screams them at me knowing how in the past

these are the very words that made me cling to

him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go

Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but

this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest

the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about

his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does

Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom

seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man

Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried

to help for his own good right This man Irsquove

tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody

made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when

I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself

Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the

usual responseI know three things tonight Number one

If I stay this will be my life until I die Number

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Oregon Humanities36

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37 FallWinter 2015 Move

M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN

he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline

somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and

believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he

turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean

for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees

in rows

My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home

at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York

City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for

rows of buildings

ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says

In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark

skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the

Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n

My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I

met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo

My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too

often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance

of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He

was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister

a year later

My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my

father a suit They seem happy in the picture

Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put

half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband

My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years

My grandmother died

All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a

life rocked with waves

P A I G E

V I C K E R S

JASON ARI AS

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Oregon Humanities38

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have

let that slip through thecracksrdquo

My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes

My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why

Grandma was hiding

Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here

To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-

vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where

we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We

have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo

I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened

My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next

closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed

a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time

tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the

process

Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends

Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his

giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist

until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again

We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in

the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-

ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-

lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be

Ama zons)

The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door

I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour

feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean

ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said

We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not

about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same

ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As

kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon

I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower

water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the

high tide after being beached again and again

One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom

decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia

One of my new Olympian friends flicked a

match that started a fire inside my mattress I

tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking

Mom came home and we put the burning

bed outside

This isnrsquot a metaphor

I slept on the floor of my bedroom that

night missing the ocean of Grayland while my

mom and sister shared their bed in the room

next to mine The next morning my mattress

was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-

ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a

popular song on the radio at the time One of us

would start singing the lyrics

How can we dance when our earth is turning

and then wersquod all join in

How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh

But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame

Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-

land That no matter how many times we

were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty

porous flotation device on which to try to

reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe

even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the

way we did as something gia nt and limit less

something to be feared and conquered some-

thing to be moved by

In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a

flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called

my name and the light receded back down the

hall disappearing into the living room and

slipping out the front door

We discovered that the flickering light had

left wax shapes on the carpet of our living

room that could have been bad pentagrams or

the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It

left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot

take any money It left us wondering if some

past boyfriend had found us somehow

Whi le we were out the next day somebody

hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment

door Mom winced at the divots denting the

wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing

mechanism once was with her hand

We left the dishes in the sink

We left no forwarding address

We boarded a bus

Two days later we were on the doorstep of

the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with

a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my

backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase

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39 FallWinter 2015 Move

in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever

received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer

trophies in the other

At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude

who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-

thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been

there were two concave smooth-skinned div-

ots She was always smiling I liked watching

how Jude listened

Before long the four of us moved into an

apartment between Portland and Gresham It

was right on the MAX line and right on the city

line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-

landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign

that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block

to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch

my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but

Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the

perfect space for her She said it was easier for

her to know where everything was in a smaller

environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond

than an ocean

One day Jude brought her new boyfriend

home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo

ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said

Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor

and said ldquo White peoplerdquo

I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was

wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what

ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to

a blind person

Red is the rage in your gut

White is the entrapment of the disabled

One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend

and her room became a closet again

We saw her a little and then not at all

Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to

Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally

almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of

my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday

cards and pictures that were inside it

Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-

day cards away

My wife and I began archiving our new fam-

ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with

the rest of them Our sons grew I became an

uncle My grandfather remarried and went

crazy My mother still has the same smile she

had when I was young

Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a

bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple

of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary

There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help

you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear

Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie

each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out

If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads

directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end

points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably

guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock

between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled

and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long

by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of

human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of

the Mayan calendar

In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and

I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of

the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam

When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-

land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else

ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says

one night while wersquore lying in bed

And I do

I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that

had to happen I listen to our breath

In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I

make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My

finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving

And then the line disappears

And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and

falling together

Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the

Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life

Poems and Stories of the Dead

If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between

Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous

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Oregon Humanities40

READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts

One hundred moves and not one of

them associated with the military

a job or being on the run

The Ledger

Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G

through a yard sale I picked up an old

ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-

ance Company of New York A large thin hard-

bound ledger black with a red spine eleven

inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by

insurance agents to track insurers and their

policies all entries written by hand There was

only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty

cents the rest of the pages were blank After

years of treasuring its antiquity but making

no entries of my own I tore the one used page

out and decided to start tracking al l my moves

before my memory lost track I sat down and

recorded all the moves I remembered over one

hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my

parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them

associated with the military a job or being on

the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-

derlust and exploration then relationships

and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad

landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just

being unable as a single parent to bear the rent

and high heating bills Once my oldest son and

I landed in a decent house that could hold us

indefinitely After three months I was drawn to

cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted

to gather them touch them fill their empti-

ness with our lives When I realized what was

going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in

that house for two years then moved to Hawai i

Now the kids are grown the grandkids are

teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos

no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-

foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a

semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided

me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she

said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo

As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot

out of my feet and sink into the ground I was

so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here

three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot

want to move

What have I lea rned th rough al l these

moves Adaptability being and living in the

now and that there is glory in both staying and

moving but it is much easier and cheaper to

stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland

Out of the Nest

I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E

back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze

tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last

time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex

where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs

Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot

stepped inside the apartment for eight months

To do so would risk my life

ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-

tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February

I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following

weekmdashfor six months

Left behind with Michael were our surro-

gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy

and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned

starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier

It was last October when I first developed

symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-

ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse

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41 FallWinter 2015 Move

This is where the plates layers of crust

crashed into each other in a fiery show

perhaps tens of thousands of years ago

Soon breathing was excruciating I took

shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain

Paralyzing fatigue set in

My endocrinologist suspected chronic

obstructive pulmonary disease which made

little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I

began scouring descriptions of lung conditions

Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity

pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung

Relief and terror flooded in

If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-

monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a

terminal condition in which scarring causes

respiratory failure within three to five years

Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif

caught early But the solution is drastic We

would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-

ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even

be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the

parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would

have a new ending

Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms

lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper

grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-

pice moments before plummeting

Today we are moving the last of our belong-

ings into our first house The kitties and birdies

have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed

While I cannot hold my babies I watch them

on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the

two-way speaker

From rescue feedings to teenage angst to

nighttime vigils during illness in caring for

these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging

from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety

Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey

take their first tentative steps toward flight

Today I learned the most painful lesson let-

ting go

MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene

Subduction Zones

T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK

were on an af ternoon in early Septem-

ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for

the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper

and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our

ankles

Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-

berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend

and is directly responsible for the creation of

Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back

then one that I sometimes imagined looked

like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus

Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of

the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale

their name suggests but the result of plates

shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-

tion led to the formation of the trio This is

where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into

each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-

sands of years ago Subduction zones are places

where great trauma lies

And here I was all these years later in the

shadows of these mountains loss everywhere

Later that day back at our apartment we

walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit

into anymore For more than a year we went

through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern

Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that

followed us Then one day our four-year-old

daughter started a conversation that shook me

ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo

I nodded

ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so

sadrdquo

Six words leapt at me

ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo

We moved back to Ash land where brig ht

red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-

hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot

know it then but we were charting our own

map however imperfect Healing crept up on

us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-

ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew

Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng

up the darkness Seventeen years passed

And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most

folks want to flee helps you see things more

clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in

its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along

VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities42POSTS

continued from previous page

Just to

underscore

how settled we

planned to be

we unpacked

EverythingEven the

heirloom china

which had never

before left its

boxes We were

here to stay

Dance Church

SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I

go to church Dance church A church

where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers

to recite A church where at first glance outsid-

ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon

arriving I see a few little munchkins running

around with oversize neon headphones on to

protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music

set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with

rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors

There are flowers candles pillow puddles

beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some

kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in

alignment with the morningrsquos intention

As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s

become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-

tainer in which I can move once again after

years of chronic freezing and dissociating A

trapped animal released back into the wild

wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom

in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism

evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with

anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our

spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist

The music awakens the holy spirit within

me and dances me through throngs of people

I am an antelope cut loose checking out the

creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns

bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms

Each stunning in their authentic movement I

see people falling in love with each other from

a distance I see a girl rocking four different

Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed

like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands

ldquopracticing dancingrdquo

This is the church of Miriam the biblical

tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of

years later I move here and I am reunited with

my self my best self my most curious mischie-

vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self

Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten

invited back in the room to whip her hair back

and forth I throw my head back in delight and

laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like

hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form

of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music

EMILY I BEDAL Portland

Again

M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R

upwardly mobile engineer That trans-

lated into at least one move per year until I was

eight and another address for high school I

moved every year in college one year twice I

moved three times during my first stint in Bos-

ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-

ment for the whole two years Then it was back

to Boston where I lived in five different homes

in five years

Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for

the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe

two years back East then back to New Mexico

in two different cities three different homes

Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates

what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo

From Albuquerque we moved to our present

home in Port Orford my thirt ieth

Moving has always been exciting cathar-

tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books

by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally

donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-

ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated

magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets

ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit

thatrsquos never happened In each new house

wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos

never worked

We vowed Port Orford would be our final

ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore

how settled we planned to be we unpacked

Everything Even the heirloom china which

had never before left its boxes We were here

to stay

Except it seems wersquore going to have to move

again but not for the exciting futures wersquod

always envisioned before Now we need doctors

and hospitals and a nearby airport for family

visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is

on the other side of adventure Now we need a

place to feel safe secure

So the sorting and throwing out is about to

begin yet again There are closets and drawers

that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to

dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of

booksmdashto give away This move exciting No

way The very thought of it exhausts me

Still those other feelings cathartic freeing

new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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43 FallWinter 2015 Move

Next theme Root

For the Spring 2016 issue tell

us your stories about rooting

around taking root being

uprooted or root-bound getting

to the root of a problem being

the root of the problem rooting

someone on Share stories and

ideas about beginnings origins

and foundations Analyze a

historical or contemporary

grassroots effort Describe

the tension between staying

put and being stuck Send your

submission (400 words maxi-

mum) by February 15 2016 to

postsoregonhumanitiesorg

Submissions may be edited for

space or clarity

Listen to Your Body

I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y

motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease

Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit

and spot-on timing Though she was confined

to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was

still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her

sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-

cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone

have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but

aching joints diminished strength and a fal-

tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back

Those maladies werenrsquot the result of

chronic disease More like lack of exercise At

some point in the past decade or so I developed

an aversion to any fitness routine That choice

has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo

class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community

Center

Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the

center for the past thirty-six years teaches

the dance-infused workout three days a week

Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at

the core of each class She dispenses praise as

we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform

deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements

and she encourages each of us to breathe and

listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably

youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying

ballet seriously By then her versatility as an

actress singer dancer and comedian had been

evident in community theater productions in

the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although

not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few

years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe

continues to lead a full life She can still stand

and press her palms flat to the floor despite

relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip

notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg

and stretch at the barre

A role model for agi ng wit h presence and

dignity Lynn maintains her considerable

charm and elegance and purposely keeps her

body and mind active Like my mother she

is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has

inspired me to accept what my body can do

today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow

Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for

getting up in the morning And by some mea-

sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE

Portland

Over the Hill

I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D

eleven times in three years I worked spring

through fall as a natural history guide in

Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure

where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned

into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply

moved around A lot With each new tempo-

rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked

clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was

nothing

At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the

person who would become my life partner

another seasonal worker We would move from

Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We

lived one magical off-season on a houseboat

on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the

ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught

me I loved wide-open spaces What could be

wider than the Pacific A fter one more season

of guiding I came back to the coast and decided

to stay

I volunteered my way into one steady job

and eventually landed another at the local

college After a few more seasons my partner

came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota

and we bought another together He built a

business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our

hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and

had a child Wersquod officially settled down

The economic hardships of rural living

however are real job opportunities decline

and can no longer support the life wersquove built

The accumulation of years no longer fits into

the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner

took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast

and we lived as a split family The split was tax-

ing though so we decided to make the move

to the city We left the first community of our

adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven

ourselves The only community our daughter

has even known Friends asked me not to go

Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart

still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the

sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes

at the memory of that moon over Tillamook

Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot

nothingmdashitrsquos every thing

NANCY SLAVIN Portland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities44

Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm

LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015

This intertwined story of two

teenage girls and their mothers

is set in New Orleans during

and after Hurricane Katrina

In her debut novel Urbani an

Oregon writer with Southern

roots brings a maternal touch

to the narrative handling trag-

edy with a careful soulfulness

and love This honest yet brutal

story will simultaneously break

and warm your heart

mdashAnnie Kaffen

At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015

Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French

Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the

Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural

French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-

tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans

and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a

snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland

Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015

Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the

Oregon physician and radicalrsquos

extraordinary experiences

from her early years working in

a textile mill in New Bedford

Massachusetts through her

activist years in Oregon includ-

ing a three-year term at San

Quentin State Prison Equi lived

openly as a lesbian beginning in

the 1890s and was one of the

first practicing female doctors

in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and

compassion for others with a

strong personal belief in social

and economic justice

mdashCarole Shel lhart

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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45 FallWinter 2015 Move

People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015

This debut collection from

Portland writer Margaret

Malone is filled with brief

bitterly funny stories about the

sort of people who tie them-

selves in knots in their heads

and feel uncomfortable in their

own skin and can never quite

bring themselves to say the

words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point

includes all of us

mdashBen Waterhouse

The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015

Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer

The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with

Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research

for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the

first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of

revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced

a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer

in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he

writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo

mdashMaggie Starr

To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for

Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon

Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205

Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe

Sasquatch Books 2015

Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter

Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt

to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography

in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers

a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden

rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance

sounds smells and much more

mdashBen Waterhouse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities46

Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson

February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum

1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg

CROPPINGS

Wendy Red Star Untitled

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4748

Oregon Humanities programs are

funded by the National Endowment

for the Humanities and the Oregon

Cultural Trust and by contributions from

individuals foundations community

organizations and corporations For

more information about Oregon

Humanities or to learn how you can help

more Oregonians get together share

ideas listen think and grow please

contact us at

921 SW Washington Street Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax

(503) 241-0024

ohmoregonhumanitiesorg

oregonhumanitiesorg

Staff

e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r

Adam Davis

facilitation and tra ining manager

Rachel Bernstein

communicationsprogram associate

Eloise Holland

editorassociate director

Kathleen Holt

development director

Kamla Hurst

program officer

Annie Kaffen

office manager

Mikaela Schey

director of finance and oper ations

Carole Shellhart

development associate

Maggie Starr

communications associate

Ben Waterhouse

program coordinator

Kyle Weismann-Yee

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4848

Board of Directorsch a i r

Sona Karentz Andrews Portland

v ic e ch a i r

Janet Webster Newport

tr e a s u r e r

Jeff Cronn Portland

secretary

Matthew Boulay Salem

Paul Duden Portland

Kimberly Howard Portland

Nels Johnson Portland

Emily Karr Portland

Shannon Mara Bend

Win McCormack Portland

Alberto Moreno Portland

Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego

Ron Paul Portland

Denise Reed Astoria

Chantal Strobel Bend

Dave Weich Portland

Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED

Non-profit Org

US Postage

PAID

Permit No 1274

Portland OR

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities22

Like all places Oregon has a brand an identity that distinguishes

it from other places This identity is a pastiche of characteris-

ticsmdashenvironmental and agricultural urban and rural intrepid and

entrepreneurialmdashthat become a kind of shorthand that rightly or

wrongly insiders and outsiders read to understand what this state

and its people collectively value But how much do we the resi-

dents of this place really know about the systems behind these

things that seem to represent our identity

On the pages that follow we look more closely at just four ofthese cultural identifiers and how they move through their individ-

ual systems coho salmon up the Columbia River past historical

sites trash recyclables reusables and compost from Portland to

other parts of the state and the world bicycles buses and cars

up a busy corridor through a rapidly changing neighborhood and

ideas measures and laws through what is sometimes called the

Oregon System

Thanks to sources at the Confluence Project Death with Dignity Friends of the Ridgefield National Wildlife Refuge Heiberg Garbage and

Recycling Metro MIG Northwest Power and Conservation Council Ofce of the Secretary of State Oregon History Project Oregon Legis -

lature Portland Bureau of Transportation TriMet and US Forest Servicersquos Pacific Northwest Research Station for their help with this story

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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23 FallWinter 2015 Move

Salmon up the Columbia RiverAFTER SPENDING sixteen to twenty months at sea a coho

salmon begins her journey up the Columbia and Sandy Rivers

back to her natal spawning grounds This amazing biological phe-

nomenon is also rich with cultural significance and the landmarks

she passes upstream mark the politics and history of her species

1 Salmon were central to the Chinook that once inhabited villages

along the lower Columbia and seining was the most important

method used to catch the fish As runs declined in the early twen-

tieth century white fishermen drove the Chinook off Sand Island

and Peacock Spit two of the most productive seining areas in

the estuary Seining was prohibited by Washington in 1934 and

Oregon in 1948

2 On March 16 1806 Meriwether Lewis drew and described a fish

brought to him at Fort Clatsop ldquoThe white Salmon Trout has

now made itrsquos appearance in the creeks near this place one of

them was brought us today by an Indian who had just taken it with

his gig this is a likness of itrdquo The fish was later classified as coho

salmon Oncorhynchus kisutch

3 In 1866 the brothers George W and William Hume and Andrew

S Hapgood established a salmon cannery at Eagle Cliff

Washington packing 4000 cases their first year In 1895 up to

50 Columbia canneries produced 635000 cases of salmon But

by 1977 the pack was just 2547 cases The last major cannery

on the Columbia closed in 1980

4 On November 5 1805 Lewis and Clark recorded a visit to the

ldquoQuathapotle Nationrdquo one of the largest Chinookan villages the

expedition encountered Today Cathlapotle is an archeological site

and the home of a modern plankhouse which serves as an outdoor

classroom and is used by the Chinook Indian Nation

5 In 2008 Maya Linrsquos sculpture Bird Blind was dedicated The blind

lists 134 plants documented by Lewis and Clark along with one

word on their status today thriving threatened endangered or

extinct Coho are listed as threatened today

6 In 2007 the Marmot Dam part of Portland General Electric hydro-

electric project in the Sandy River basin was removed due to

pressure from conservation groups and rising management costs

Built in 1913 by Portland Railway Light and Power Company the

dam provided hydroelectric power to Portland Today salmon navi-gate a free-flowing river mdashTRM

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities24

1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every

other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-

cling one of a number of independent haulers

in the Metro region grind their gears uphill

traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food

scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-

board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue

recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in

the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green

roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-

egory recycling compost and yard waste and

garbage

2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly

either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-

gon Recycling System past the airport in East

Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery

facilities (there are a handful in the region)

which then sell the materials based on demand

in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others

in foreign countries such as China

3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable

waste the other trucks head to Metro Central

Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro

South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-

tions in the region Last year almost a half a

million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos

two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins

other company haulers contractors with con-

struction waste and residential customers with

miscellaneous items not picked up through

home collection service At the transfer station

the sorting process begins

4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature

Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-

ogy Organics outside of North Plains about

twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about

twelve miles north of Corvallis

5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household

items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material

in roads

6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader

then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time

is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer

stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a

three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty

no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush

plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo

According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the

garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material

The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is

often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per

minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to

an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the

plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity

powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM

Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland

Waste fromSouthwestPortland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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25 FallWinter 2015 Move

1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in

winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period

in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a

twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source

TriMet)

HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make

every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-

tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed

Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-

age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo

In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin

Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the

new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue

represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even

signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from

the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles

per hour depending on the time of day

The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars

buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic

signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and

emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one

hundred intersections throughout Portland

Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North

Williams today reflects a different wave of development and

demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share

the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to

bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes

to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density

residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG

Traffic on North Williams Avenue

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities26

Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect

changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-

erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed

law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or

rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already

passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a

referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather

than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-

ers approved this system in 1902

This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an

initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on

a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided

driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal

documentation of US citizenship status

1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three

ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)

Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text

of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall

issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to

provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)

2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-

tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)

3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of

Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative

petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State

Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal

Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)

4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is

certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults

to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88

58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold

of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to

qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-

ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without

requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to

Dec 2013)

5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88

Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor

Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)

6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51

to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails

666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-

croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered

by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed

lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move

(2003)

7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block

saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-

zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the

case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor

General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the

practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The

US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide

law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG

Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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27 FallWinter 2015 Move

SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137

983158983151983145983139983141

N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -

room closet I came across a box of old family photographs

I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color

photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-

ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five

standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie

primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos

hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-

tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against

the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But

the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a

frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat

in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple

of the Sun

A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -

graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one

end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both

L A I L A L A L A M I

Al-Mursquoallaqat

The GoldenOdes of Love

J E N W I C K S T U D I O

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Oregon Humanities28

of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels

science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-

raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to

love books so much perhaps books provided them an education

about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing

from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches

that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-

ing the reign of King Hassan

It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned

to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed

copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from

friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about

whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-

drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new

offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte

which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne

Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others

Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les

petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why

the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion

Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which

the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to

either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan

tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three

Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords

and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo

Of course none of the characters in these books looked or

spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly

all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan

bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their

homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my

own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they

had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary

world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an

alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define

normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like

my country my imagination had been colonized

I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly

the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-

acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the

fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled

my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high

school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes

where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-

yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as

well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father

said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it

was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted

D RISS C H RAI BI

LA

CI VI LISA TIO N

MA M E R E

PAR

ALEXANDRE DUMAS

Taha Hussein

THE

DA YS

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29 FallWinter 2015 Move

When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same

school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum

el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine

At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were

taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled

with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still

the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-

language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from

the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi

al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the

Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese

Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-

moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some

of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved

each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a

classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-

els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan

authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-

tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren

It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read

adult literature on my own and independently from school that

I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-

ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos

La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a

sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin

Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book

that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment

of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read

lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was

as fertile ground for fiction as any other

And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature

nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in

French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after

all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-

latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss

Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was

ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a

particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made

it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I

was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train

in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco

medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-

ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my

hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat

or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-

matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely

be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study

linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in

a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in

an analytica l way

Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in

Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship

to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait

I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and

racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School

of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work

of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went

back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how

often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes

Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in

our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in

formal soireacutees French was de rigueur

Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-

guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles

and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in

English which made me think even more about the relationship

between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a

prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power

an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people

The education I had received had emphasized the importance

of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our

media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the

shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed

in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored

by the French government for free access to books The role of

Every time I went back

to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much

and how often we moved

between French and

Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not

went through life

switching between codes

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Oregon Humanities30

French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a

cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no

longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case

of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should

not be writing at all

I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish

after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried

to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of

me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that

stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have

immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the

native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow

me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred

to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic

languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought

Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my

days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use

English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the

linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh

perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a

child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-

gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the

same story

I have always written because I have always had the urge to

tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided

that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-

thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my

race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-

larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while

the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and

waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had

enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos

phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-

rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat

seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of

others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the

works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s

such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in

the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and

sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing

graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had

always told stories but now I wanted to be heard

This essay was first published in World Literature Today

Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami

Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The

Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The

Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy

Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for

Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016

Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16

and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for

more information and to buy tickets

Writing in French came

at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial

baggage that I no longer

wanted to carry I started

to suffer from a peculiar

case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic

perhaps I should not be

writing at all

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31 FallWinter 2015 Move

A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good

LORETTA STINSON

I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M

every day after work waiting for Bruce to

get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching

myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me

sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on

from a distance at whatever is happening to

me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie

and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-

kick of the star or I play a supporting role but

I am definitely not the star of this movie The

moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom

just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been

able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed

freak for fifteen years

Sun through the small rectangular win-

dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats

wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in

1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from

the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom

watchi ng my past present a nd future selves

do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental

after another waiting for the next bad thing

to happen and not getting out of the way even

when I see it coming The habit of living in con-

stant fear and the resignation that nothing can

ever change are the glue that holds me in place

This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting

on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on

Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on

hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the

future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who

can only be counted on not to be counted on

In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses

and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about

J U L I A N N A B R I O N

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Oregon Humanities32

detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot

change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-

ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what

the old-timers were saying Needless to say

I didnrsquot

Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go

home and try some new strategy to make Bruce

quit using I once read a book about how sugar

was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding

him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein

diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck

them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat

and beer is a very filling meal in itself When

he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put

in front of him but speed and alcohol are his

drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-

ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never

remembers what he does to me and since he

doesnrsquot remember I have to forget

It be what it be Bruce says about all things

unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color

electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it

be Today I see things clearly for the first time

Today I see myself on this couch waiting for

someone else to do the changing Today I see

that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be

my life until the day he kills me or he dies or

I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been

disappointed too many times Addiction his to

drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove

been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot

see my part until now

My only friend has been telling me for

months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I

have left many times for a day or a week but

Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop

drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs

to me for the first time that this is absurd and a

huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe

itrsquos me who needs to change and not because

that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction

is his business

Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll

be wasted because it was payday and most of

his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-

ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood

alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or

hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how

those will interact with his mood the kind of

day he had and if hersquos eaten

None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for

such a long time that I could Like every person

who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that

if I did all the right things I would figure out a

way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on

his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine

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33 FallWinter 2015 Move

I worked like some kind of crazy statistician

making up story problems to predict what he

might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job

and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without

eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito

at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos

left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going

to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-

ing home mistakes his second wife for his first

wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out

Please show your work

I have never been able to figure out the rec-

ipe for equilibrium His or mine

Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce

comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not

wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face

slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat

the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says

Itrsquos not really a question but I answer

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him

clearly for the first time I see his addiction in

action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have

nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest

thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can

do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look

at him for too long when hersquos been drinking

kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash

you just back away slowly and try not to piss

him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows

too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how

little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs

to believe because he has to be mad at some-

one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom

just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by

the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about

nothing that it was never my face that pissed

him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He

needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave

to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do

no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a

revelation

He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you

looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on

the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-

spread that covers its stained sagging cush-

ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier

mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore

afraid when hersquos like this and they should be

Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that

hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what

if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already

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Oregon Humanities34

dead or at least not living just existing on the

edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story

Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom

suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am

afraid of being killed

I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to

make a home The china teacups that I str ung

together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks

in the window like a mobile The plants my

booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the

sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the

bed my dad and I refinished before I left home

The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday

The fifteen years of history we have together

one year short of half my life tonight not all of

it bad He is no monster just a man struggling

wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to

face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo

He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo

He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo

Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He

screams them at me knowing how in the past

these are the very words that made me cling to

him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go

Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but

this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest

the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about

his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does

Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom

seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man

Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried

to help for his own good right This man Irsquove

tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody

made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when

I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself

Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the

usual responseI know three things tonight Number one

If I stay this will be my life until I die Number

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities36

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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37 FallWinter 2015 Move

M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN

he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline

somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and

believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he

turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean

for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees

in rows

My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home

at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York

City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for

rows of buildings

ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says

In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark

skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the

Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n

My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I

met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo

My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too

often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance

of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He

was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister

a year later

My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my

father a suit They seem happy in the picture

Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put

half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband

My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years

My grandmother died

All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a

life rocked with waves

P A I G E

V I C K E R S

JASON ARI AS

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Oregon Humanities38

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have

let that slip through thecracksrdquo

My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes

My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why

Grandma was hiding

Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here

To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-

vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where

we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We

have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo

I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened

My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next

closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed

a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time

tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the

process

Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends

Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his

giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist

until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again

We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in

the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-

ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-

lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be

Ama zons)

The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door

I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour

feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean

ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said

We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not

about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same

ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As

kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon

I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower

water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the

high tide after being beached again and again

One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom

decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia

One of my new Olympian friends flicked a

match that started a fire inside my mattress I

tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking

Mom came home and we put the burning

bed outside

This isnrsquot a metaphor

I slept on the floor of my bedroom that

night missing the ocean of Grayland while my

mom and sister shared their bed in the room

next to mine The next morning my mattress

was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-

ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a

popular song on the radio at the time One of us

would start singing the lyrics

How can we dance when our earth is turning

and then wersquod all join in

How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh

But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame

Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-

land That no matter how many times we

were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty

porous flotation device on which to try to

reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe

even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the

way we did as something gia nt and limit less

something to be feared and conquered some-

thing to be moved by

In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a

flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called

my name and the light receded back down the

hall disappearing into the living room and

slipping out the front door

We discovered that the flickering light had

left wax shapes on the carpet of our living

room that could have been bad pentagrams or

the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It

left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot

take any money It left us wondering if some

past boyfriend had found us somehow

Whi le we were out the next day somebody

hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment

door Mom winced at the divots denting the

wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing

mechanism once was with her hand

We left the dishes in the sink

We left no forwarding address

We boarded a bus

Two days later we were on the doorstep of

the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with

a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my

backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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39 FallWinter 2015 Move

in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever

received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer

trophies in the other

At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude

who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-

thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been

there were two concave smooth-skinned div-

ots She was always smiling I liked watching

how Jude listened

Before long the four of us moved into an

apartment between Portland and Gresham It

was right on the MAX line and right on the city

line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-

landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign

that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block

to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch

my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but

Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the

perfect space for her She said it was easier for

her to know where everything was in a smaller

environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond

than an ocean

One day Jude brought her new boyfriend

home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo

ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said

Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor

and said ldquo White peoplerdquo

I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was

wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what

ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to

a blind person

Red is the rage in your gut

White is the entrapment of the disabled

One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend

and her room became a closet again

We saw her a little and then not at all

Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to

Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally

almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of

my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday

cards and pictures that were inside it

Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-

day cards away

My wife and I began archiving our new fam-

ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with

the rest of them Our sons grew I became an

uncle My grandfather remarried and went

crazy My mother still has the same smile she

had when I was young

Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a

bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple

of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary

There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help

you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear

Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie

each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out

If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads

directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end

points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably

guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock

between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled

and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long

by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of

human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of

the Mayan calendar

In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and

I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of

the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam

When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-

land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else

ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says

one night while wersquore lying in bed

And I do

I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that

had to happen I listen to our breath

In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I

make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My

finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving

And then the line disappears

And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and

falling together

Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the

Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life

Poems and Stories of the Dead

If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between

Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities40

READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts

One hundred moves and not one of

them associated with the military

a job or being on the run

The Ledger

Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G

through a yard sale I picked up an old

ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-

ance Company of New York A large thin hard-

bound ledger black with a red spine eleven

inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by

insurance agents to track insurers and their

policies all entries written by hand There was

only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty

cents the rest of the pages were blank After

years of treasuring its antiquity but making

no entries of my own I tore the one used page

out and decided to start tracking al l my moves

before my memory lost track I sat down and

recorded all the moves I remembered over one

hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my

parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them

associated with the military a job or being on

the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-

derlust and exploration then relationships

and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad

landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just

being unable as a single parent to bear the rent

and high heating bills Once my oldest son and

I landed in a decent house that could hold us

indefinitely After three months I was drawn to

cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted

to gather them touch them fill their empti-

ness with our lives When I realized what was

going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in

that house for two years then moved to Hawai i

Now the kids are grown the grandkids are

teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos

no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-

foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a

semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided

me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she

said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo

As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot

out of my feet and sink into the ground I was

so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here

three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot

want to move

What have I lea rned th rough al l these

moves Adaptability being and living in the

now and that there is glory in both staying and

moving but it is much easier and cheaper to

stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland

Out of the Nest

I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E

back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze

tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last

time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex

where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs

Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot

stepped inside the apartment for eight months

To do so would risk my life

ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-

tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February

I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following

weekmdashfor six months

Left behind with Michael were our surro-

gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy

and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned

starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier

It was last October when I first developed

symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-

ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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41 FallWinter 2015 Move

This is where the plates layers of crust

crashed into each other in a fiery show

perhaps tens of thousands of years ago

Soon breathing was excruciating I took

shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain

Paralyzing fatigue set in

My endocrinologist suspected chronic

obstructive pulmonary disease which made

little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I

began scouring descriptions of lung conditions

Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity

pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung

Relief and terror flooded in

If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-

monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a

terminal condition in which scarring causes

respiratory failure within three to five years

Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif

caught early But the solution is drastic We

would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-

ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even

be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the

parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would

have a new ending

Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms

lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper

grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-

pice moments before plummeting

Today we are moving the last of our belong-

ings into our first house The kitties and birdies

have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed

While I cannot hold my babies I watch them

on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the

two-way speaker

From rescue feedings to teenage angst to

nighttime vigils during illness in caring for

these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging

from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety

Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey

take their first tentative steps toward flight

Today I learned the most painful lesson let-

ting go

MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene

Subduction Zones

T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK

were on an af ternoon in early Septem-

ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for

the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper

and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our

ankles

Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-

berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend

and is directly responsible for the creation of

Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back

then one that I sometimes imagined looked

like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus

Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of

the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale

their name suggests but the result of plates

shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-

tion led to the formation of the trio This is

where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into

each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-

sands of years ago Subduction zones are places

where great trauma lies

And here I was all these years later in the

shadows of these mountains loss everywhere

Later that day back at our apartment we

walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit

into anymore For more than a year we went

through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern

Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that

followed us Then one day our four-year-old

daughter started a conversation that shook me

ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo

I nodded

ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so

sadrdquo

Six words leapt at me

ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo

We moved back to Ash land where brig ht

red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-

hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot

know it then but we were charting our own

map however imperfect Healing crept up on

us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-

ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew

Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng

up the darkness Seventeen years passed

And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most

folks want to flee helps you see things more

clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in

its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along

VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities42POSTS

continued from previous page

Just to

underscore

how settled we

planned to be

we unpacked

EverythingEven the

heirloom china

which had never

before left its

boxes We were

here to stay

Dance Church

SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I

go to church Dance church A church

where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers

to recite A church where at first glance outsid-

ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon

arriving I see a few little munchkins running

around with oversize neon headphones on to

protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music

set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with

rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors

There are flowers candles pillow puddles

beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some

kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in

alignment with the morningrsquos intention

As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s

become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-

tainer in which I can move once again after

years of chronic freezing and dissociating A

trapped animal released back into the wild

wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom

in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism

evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with

anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our

spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist

The music awakens the holy spirit within

me and dances me through throngs of people

I am an antelope cut loose checking out the

creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns

bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms

Each stunning in their authentic movement I

see people falling in love with each other from

a distance I see a girl rocking four different

Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed

like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands

ldquopracticing dancingrdquo

This is the church of Miriam the biblical

tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of

years later I move here and I am reunited with

my self my best self my most curious mischie-

vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self

Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten

invited back in the room to whip her hair back

and forth I throw my head back in delight and

laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like

hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form

of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music

EMILY I BEDAL Portland

Again

M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R

upwardly mobile engineer That trans-

lated into at least one move per year until I was

eight and another address for high school I

moved every year in college one year twice I

moved three times during my first stint in Bos-

ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-

ment for the whole two years Then it was back

to Boston where I lived in five different homes

in five years

Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for

the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe

two years back East then back to New Mexico

in two different cities three different homes

Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates

what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo

From Albuquerque we moved to our present

home in Port Orford my thirt ieth

Moving has always been exciting cathar-

tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books

by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally

donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-

ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated

magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets

ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit

thatrsquos never happened In each new house

wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos

never worked

We vowed Port Orford would be our final

ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore

how settled we planned to be we unpacked

Everything Even the heirloom china which

had never before left its boxes We were here

to stay

Except it seems wersquore going to have to move

again but not for the exciting futures wersquod

always envisioned before Now we need doctors

and hospitals and a nearby airport for family

visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is

on the other side of adventure Now we need a

place to feel safe secure

So the sorting and throwing out is about to

begin yet again There are closets and drawers

that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to

dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of

booksmdashto give away This move exciting No

way The very thought of it exhausts me

Still those other feelings cathartic freeing

new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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43 FallWinter 2015 Move

Next theme Root

For the Spring 2016 issue tell

us your stories about rooting

around taking root being

uprooted or root-bound getting

to the root of a problem being

the root of the problem rooting

someone on Share stories and

ideas about beginnings origins

and foundations Analyze a

historical or contemporary

grassroots effort Describe

the tension between staying

put and being stuck Send your

submission (400 words maxi-

mum) by February 15 2016 to

postsoregonhumanitiesorg

Submissions may be edited for

space or clarity

Listen to Your Body

I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y

motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease

Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit

and spot-on timing Though she was confined

to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was

still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her

sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-

cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone

have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but

aching joints diminished strength and a fal-

tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back

Those maladies werenrsquot the result of

chronic disease More like lack of exercise At

some point in the past decade or so I developed

an aversion to any fitness routine That choice

has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo

class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community

Center

Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the

center for the past thirty-six years teaches

the dance-infused workout three days a week

Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at

the core of each class She dispenses praise as

we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform

deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements

and she encourages each of us to breathe and

listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably

youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying

ballet seriously By then her versatility as an

actress singer dancer and comedian had been

evident in community theater productions in

the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although

not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few

years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe

continues to lead a full life She can still stand

and press her palms flat to the floor despite

relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip

notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg

and stretch at the barre

A role model for agi ng wit h presence and

dignity Lynn maintains her considerable

charm and elegance and purposely keeps her

body and mind active Like my mother she

is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has

inspired me to accept what my body can do

today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow

Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for

getting up in the morning And by some mea-

sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE

Portland

Over the Hill

I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D

eleven times in three years I worked spring

through fall as a natural history guide in

Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure

where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned

into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply

moved around A lot With each new tempo-

rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked

clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was

nothing

At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the

person who would become my life partner

another seasonal worker We would move from

Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We

lived one magical off-season on a houseboat

on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the

ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught

me I loved wide-open spaces What could be

wider than the Pacific A fter one more season

of guiding I came back to the coast and decided

to stay

I volunteered my way into one steady job

and eventually landed another at the local

college After a few more seasons my partner

came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota

and we bought another together He built a

business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our

hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and

had a child Wersquod officially settled down

The economic hardships of rural living

however are real job opportunities decline

and can no longer support the life wersquove built

The accumulation of years no longer fits into

the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner

took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast

and we lived as a split family The split was tax-

ing though so we decided to make the move

to the city We left the first community of our

adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven

ourselves The only community our daughter

has even known Friends asked me not to go

Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart

still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the

sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes

at the memory of that moon over Tillamook

Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot

nothingmdashitrsquos every thing

NANCY SLAVIN Portland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities44

Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm

LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015

This intertwined story of two

teenage girls and their mothers

is set in New Orleans during

and after Hurricane Katrina

In her debut novel Urbani an

Oregon writer with Southern

roots brings a maternal touch

to the narrative handling trag-

edy with a careful soulfulness

and love This honest yet brutal

story will simultaneously break

and warm your heart

mdashAnnie Kaffen

At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015

Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French

Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the

Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural

French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-

tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans

and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a

snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland

Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015

Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the

Oregon physician and radicalrsquos

extraordinary experiences

from her early years working in

a textile mill in New Bedford

Massachusetts through her

activist years in Oregon includ-

ing a three-year term at San

Quentin State Prison Equi lived

openly as a lesbian beginning in

the 1890s and was one of the

first practicing female doctors

in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and

compassion for others with a

strong personal belief in social

and economic justice

mdashCarole Shel lhart

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4548

45 FallWinter 2015 Move

People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015

This debut collection from

Portland writer Margaret

Malone is filled with brief

bitterly funny stories about the

sort of people who tie them-

selves in knots in their heads

and feel uncomfortable in their

own skin and can never quite

bring themselves to say the

words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point

includes all of us

mdashBen Waterhouse

The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015

Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer

The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with

Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research

for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the

first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of

revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced

a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer

in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he

writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo

mdashMaggie Starr

To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for

Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon

Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205

Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe

Sasquatch Books 2015

Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter

Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt

to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography

in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers

a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden

rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance

sounds smells and much more

mdashBen Waterhouse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4648

Oregon Humanities46

Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson

February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum

1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg

CROPPINGS

Wendy Red Star Untitled

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4748

Oregon Humanities programs are

funded by the National Endowment

for the Humanities and the Oregon

Cultural Trust and by contributions from

individuals foundations community

organizations and corporations For

more information about Oregon

Humanities or to learn how you can help

more Oregonians get together share

ideas listen think and grow please

contact us at

921 SW Washington Street Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax

(503) 241-0024

ohmoregonhumanitiesorg

oregonhumanitiesorg

Staff

e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r

Adam Davis

facilitation and tra ining manager

Rachel Bernstein

communicationsprogram associate

Eloise Holland

editorassociate director

Kathleen Holt

development director

Kamla Hurst

program officer

Annie Kaffen

office manager

Mikaela Schey

director of finance and oper ations

Carole Shellhart

development associate

Maggie Starr

communications associate

Ben Waterhouse

program coordinator

Kyle Weismann-Yee

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Board of Directorsch a i r

Sona Karentz Andrews Portland

v ic e ch a i r

Janet Webster Newport

tr e a s u r e r

Jeff Cronn Portland

secretary

Matthew Boulay Salem

Paul Duden Portland

Kimberly Howard Portland

Nels Johnson Portland

Emily Karr Portland

Shannon Mara Bend

Win McCormack Portland

Alberto Moreno Portland

Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego

Ron Paul Portland

Denise Reed Astoria

Chantal Strobel Bend

Dave Weich Portland

Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED

Non-profit Org

US Postage

PAID

Permit No 1274

Portland OR

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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23 FallWinter 2015 Move

Salmon up the Columbia RiverAFTER SPENDING sixteen to twenty months at sea a coho

salmon begins her journey up the Columbia and Sandy Rivers

back to her natal spawning grounds This amazing biological phe-

nomenon is also rich with cultural significance and the landmarks

she passes upstream mark the politics and history of her species

1 Salmon were central to the Chinook that once inhabited villages

along the lower Columbia and seining was the most important

method used to catch the fish As runs declined in the early twen-

tieth century white fishermen drove the Chinook off Sand Island

and Peacock Spit two of the most productive seining areas in

the estuary Seining was prohibited by Washington in 1934 and

Oregon in 1948

2 On March 16 1806 Meriwether Lewis drew and described a fish

brought to him at Fort Clatsop ldquoThe white Salmon Trout has

now made itrsquos appearance in the creeks near this place one of

them was brought us today by an Indian who had just taken it with

his gig this is a likness of itrdquo The fish was later classified as coho

salmon Oncorhynchus kisutch

3 In 1866 the brothers George W and William Hume and Andrew

S Hapgood established a salmon cannery at Eagle Cliff

Washington packing 4000 cases their first year In 1895 up to

50 Columbia canneries produced 635000 cases of salmon But

by 1977 the pack was just 2547 cases The last major cannery

on the Columbia closed in 1980

4 On November 5 1805 Lewis and Clark recorded a visit to the

ldquoQuathapotle Nationrdquo one of the largest Chinookan villages the

expedition encountered Today Cathlapotle is an archeological site

and the home of a modern plankhouse which serves as an outdoor

classroom and is used by the Chinook Indian Nation

5 In 2008 Maya Linrsquos sculpture Bird Blind was dedicated The blind

lists 134 plants documented by Lewis and Clark along with one

word on their status today thriving threatened endangered or

extinct Coho are listed as threatened today

6 In 2007 the Marmot Dam part of Portland General Electric hydro-

electric project in the Sandy River basin was removed due to

pressure from conservation groups and rising management costs

Built in 1913 by Portland Railway Light and Power Company the

dam provided hydroelectric power to Portland Today salmon navi-gate a free-flowing river mdashTRM

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities24

1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every

other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-

cling one of a number of independent haulers

in the Metro region grind their gears uphill

traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food

scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-

board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue

recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in

the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green

roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-

egory recycling compost and yard waste and

garbage

2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly

either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-

gon Recycling System past the airport in East

Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery

facilities (there are a handful in the region)

which then sell the materials based on demand

in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others

in foreign countries such as China

3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable

waste the other trucks head to Metro Central

Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro

South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-

tions in the region Last year almost a half a

million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos

two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins

other company haulers contractors with con-

struction waste and residential customers with

miscellaneous items not picked up through

home collection service At the transfer station

the sorting process begins

4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature

Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-

ogy Organics outside of North Plains about

twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about

twelve miles north of Corvallis

5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household

items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material

in roads

6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader

then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time

is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer

stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a

three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty

no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush

plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo

According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the

garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material

The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is

often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per

minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to

an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the

plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity

powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM

Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland

Waste fromSouthwestPortland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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25 FallWinter 2015 Move

1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in

winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period

in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a

twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source

TriMet)

HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make

every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-

tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed

Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-

age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo

In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin

Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the

new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue

represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even

signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from

the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles

per hour depending on the time of day

The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars

buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic

signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and

emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one

hundred intersections throughout Portland

Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North

Williams today reflects a different wave of development and

demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share

the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to

bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes

to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density

residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG

Traffic on North Williams Avenue

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities26

Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect

changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-

erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed

law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or

rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already

passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a

referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather

than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-

ers approved this system in 1902

This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an

initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on

a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided

driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal

documentation of US citizenship status

1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three

ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)

Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text

of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall

issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to

provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)

2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-

tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)

3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of

Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative

petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State

Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal

Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)

4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is

certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults

to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88

58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold

of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to

qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-

ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without

requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to

Dec 2013)

5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88

Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor

Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)

6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51

to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails

666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-

croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered

by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed

lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move

(2003)

7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block

saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-

zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the

case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor

General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the

practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The

US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide

law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG

Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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27 FallWinter 2015 Move

SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137

983158983151983145983139983141

N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -

room closet I came across a box of old family photographs

I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color

photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-

ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five

standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie

primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos

hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-

tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against

the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But

the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a

frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat

in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple

of the Sun

A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -

graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one

end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both

L A I L A L A L A M I

Al-Mursquoallaqat

The GoldenOdes of Love

J E N W I C K S T U D I O

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Oregon Humanities28

of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels

science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-

raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to

love books so much perhaps books provided them an education

about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing

from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches

that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-

ing the reign of King Hassan

It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned

to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed

copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from

friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about

whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-

drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new

offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte

which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne

Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others

Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les

petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why

the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion

Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which

the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to

either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan

tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three

Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords

and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo

Of course none of the characters in these books looked or

spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly

all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan

bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their

homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my

own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they

had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary

world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an

alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define

normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like

my country my imagination had been colonized

I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly

the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-

acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the

fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled

my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high

school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes

where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-

yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as

well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father

said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it

was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted

D RISS C H RAI BI

LA

CI VI LISA TIO N

MA M E R E

PAR

ALEXANDRE DUMAS

Taha Hussein

THE

DA YS

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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29 FallWinter 2015 Move

When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same

school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum

el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine

At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were

taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled

with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still

the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-

language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from

the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi

al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the

Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese

Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-

moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some

of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved

each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a

classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-

els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan

authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-

tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren

It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read

adult literature on my own and independently from school that

I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-

ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos

La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a

sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin

Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book

that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment

of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read

lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was

as fertile ground for fiction as any other

And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature

nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in

French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after

all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-

latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss

Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was

ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a

particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made

it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I

was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train

in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco

medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-

ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my

hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat

or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-

matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely

be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study

linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in

a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in

an analytica l way

Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in

Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship

to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait

I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and

racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School

of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work

of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went

back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how

often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes

Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in

our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in

formal soireacutees French was de rigueur

Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-

guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles

and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in

English which made me think even more about the relationship

between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a

prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power

an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people

The education I had received had emphasized the importance

of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our

media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the

shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed

in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored

by the French government for free access to books The role of

Every time I went back

to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much

and how often we moved

between French and

Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not

went through life

switching between codes

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities30

French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a

cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no

longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case

of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should

not be writing at all

I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish

after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried

to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of

me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that

stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have

immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the

native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow

me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred

to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic

languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought

Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my

days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use

English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the

linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh

perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a

child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-

gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the

same story

I have always written because I have always had the urge to

tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided

that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-

thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my

race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-

larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while

the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and

waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had

enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos

phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-

rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat

seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of

others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the

works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s

such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in

the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and

sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing

graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had

always told stories but now I wanted to be heard

This essay was first published in World Literature Today

Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami

Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The

Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The

Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy

Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for

Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016

Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16

and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for

more information and to buy tickets

Writing in French came

at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial

baggage that I no longer

wanted to carry I started

to suffer from a peculiar

case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic

perhaps I should not be

writing at all

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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31 FallWinter 2015 Move

A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good

LORETTA STINSON

I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M

every day after work waiting for Bruce to

get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching

myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me

sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on

from a distance at whatever is happening to

me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie

and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-

kick of the star or I play a supporting role but

I am definitely not the star of this movie The

moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom

just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been

able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed

freak for fifteen years

Sun through the small rectangular win-

dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats

wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in

1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from

the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom

watchi ng my past present a nd future selves

do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental

after another waiting for the next bad thing

to happen and not getting out of the way even

when I see it coming The habit of living in con-

stant fear and the resignation that nothing can

ever change are the glue that holds me in place

This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting

on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on

Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on

hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the

future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who

can only be counted on not to be counted on

In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses

and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about

J U L I A N N A B R I O N

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities32

detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot

change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-

ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what

the old-timers were saying Needless to say

I didnrsquot

Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go

home and try some new strategy to make Bruce

quit using I once read a book about how sugar

was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding

him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein

diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck

them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat

and beer is a very filling meal in itself When

he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put

in front of him but speed and alcohol are his

drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-

ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never

remembers what he does to me and since he

doesnrsquot remember I have to forget

It be what it be Bruce says about all things

unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color

electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it

be Today I see things clearly for the first time

Today I see myself on this couch waiting for

someone else to do the changing Today I see

that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be

my life until the day he kills me or he dies or

I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been

disappointed too many times Addiction his to

drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove

been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot

see my part until now

My only friend has been telling me for

months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I

have left many times for a day or a week but

Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop

drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs

to me for the first time that this is absurd and a

huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe

itrsquos me who needs to change and not because

that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction

is his business

Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll

be wasted because it was payday and most of

his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-

ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood

alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or

hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how

those will interact with his mood the kind of

day he had and if hersquos eaten

None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for

such a long time that I could Like every person

who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that

if I did all the right things I would figure out a

way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on

his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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33 FallWinter 2015 Move

I worked like some kind of crazy statistician

making up story problems to predict what he

might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job

and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without

eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito

at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos

left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going

to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-

ing home mistakes his second wife for his first

wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out

Please show your work

I have never been able to figure out the rec-

ipe for equilibrium His or mine

Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce

comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not

wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face

slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat

the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says

Itrsquos not really a question but I answer

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him

clearly for the first time I see his addiction in

action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have

nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest

thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can

do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look

at him for too long when hersquos been drinking

kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash

you just back away slowly and try not to piss

him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows

too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how

little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs

to believe because he has to be mad at some-

one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom

just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by

the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about

nothing that it was never my face that pissed

him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He

needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave

to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do

no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a

revelation

He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you

looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on

the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-

spread that covers its stained sagging cush-

ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier

mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore

afraid when hersquos like this and they should be

Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that

hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what

if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities34

dead or at least not living just existing on the

edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story

Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom

suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am

afraid of being killed

I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to

make a home The china teacups that I str ung

together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks

in the window like a mobile The plants my

booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the

sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the

bed my dad and I refinished before I left home

The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday

The fifteen years of history we have together

one year short of half my life tonight not all of

it bad He is no monster just a man struggling

wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to

face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo

He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo

He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo

Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He

screams them at me knowing how in the past

these are the very words that made me cling to

him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go

Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but

this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest

the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about

his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does

Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom

seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man

Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried

to help for his own good right This man Irsquove

tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody

made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when

I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself

Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the

usual responseI know three things tonight Number one

If I stay this will be my life until I die Number

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7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities36

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37 FallWinter 2015 Move

M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN

he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline

somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and

believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he

turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean

for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees

in rows

My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home

at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York

City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for

rows of buildings

ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says

In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark

skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the

Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n

My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I

met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo

My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too

often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance

of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He

was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister

a year later

My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my

father a suit They seem happy in the picture

Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put

half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband

My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years

My grandmother died

All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a

life rocked with waves

P A I G E

V I C K E R S

JASON ARI AS

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities38

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have

let that slip through thecracksrdquo

My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes

My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why

Grandma was hiding

Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here

To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-

vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where

we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We

have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo

I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened

My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next

closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed

a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time

tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the

process

Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends

Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his

giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist

until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again

We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in

the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-

ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-

lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be

Ama zons)

The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door

I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour

feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean

ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said

We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not

about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same

ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As

kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon

I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower

water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the

high tide after being beached again and again

One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom

decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia

One of my new Olympian friends flicked a

match that started a fire inside my mattress I

tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking

Mom came home and we put the burning

bed outside

This isnrsquot a metaphor

I slept on the floor of my bedroom that

night missing the ocean of Grayland while my

mom and sister shared their bed in the room

next to mine The next morning my mattress

was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-

ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a

popular song on the radio at the time One of us

would start singing the lyrics

How can we dance when our earth is turning

and then wersquod all join in

How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh

But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame

Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-

land That no matter how many times we

were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty

porous flotation device on which to try to

reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe

even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the

way we did as something gia nt and limit less

something to be feared and conquered some-

thing to be moved by

In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a

flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called

my name and the light receded back down the

hall disappearing into the living room and

slipping out the front door

We discovered that the flickering light had

left wax shapes on the carpet of our living

room that could have been bad pentagrams or

the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It

left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot

take any money It left us wondering if some

past boyfriend had found us somehow

Whi le we were out the next day somebody

hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment

door Mom winced at the divots denting the

wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing

mechanism once was with her hand

We left the dishes in the sink

We left no forwarding address

We boarded a bus

Two days later we were on the doorstep of

the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with

a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my

backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase

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39 FallWinter 2015 Move

in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever

received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer

trophies in the other

At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude

who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-

thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been

there were two concave smooth-skinned div-

ots She was always smiling I liked watching

how Jude listened

Before long the four of us moved into an

apartment between Portland and Gresham It

was right on the MAX line and right on the city

line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-

landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign

that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block

to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch

my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but

Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the

perfect space for her She said it was easier for

her to know where everything was in a smaller

environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond

than an ocean

One day Jude brought her new boyfriend

home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo

ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said

Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor

and said ldquo White peoplerdquo

I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was

wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what

ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to

a blind person

Red is the rage in your gut

White is the entrapment of the disabled

One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend

and her room became a closet again

We saw her a little and then not at all

Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to

Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally

almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of

my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday

cards and pictures that were inside it

Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-

day cards away

My wife and I began archiving our new fam-

ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with

the rest of them Our sons grew I became an

uncle My grandfather remarried and went

crazy My mother still has the same smile she

had when I was young

Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a

bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple

of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary

There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help

you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear

Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie

each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out

If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads

directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end

points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably

guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock

between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled

and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long

by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of

human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of

the Mayan calendar

In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and

I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of

the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam

When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-

land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else

ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says

one night while wersquore lying in bed

And I do

I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that

had to happen I listen to our breath

In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I

make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My

finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving

And then the line disappears

And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and

falling together

Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the

Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life

Poems and Stories of the Dead

If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between

Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities40

READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts

One hundred moves and not one of

them associated with the military

a job or being on the run

The Ledger

Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G

through a yard sale I picked up an old

ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-

ance Company of New York A large thin hard-

bound ledger black with a red spine eleven

inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by

insurance agents to track insurers and their

policies all entries written by hand There was

only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty

cents the rest of the pages were blank After

years of treasuring its antiquity but making

no entries of my own I tore the one used page

out and decided to start tracking al l my moves

before my memory lost track I sat down and

recorded all the moves I remembered over one

hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my

parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them

associated with the military a job or being on

the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-

derlust and exploration then relationships

and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad

landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just

being unable as a single parent to bear the rent

and high heating bills Once my oldest son and

I landed in a decent house that could hold us

indefinitely After three months I was drawn to

cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted

to gather them touch them fill their empti-

ness with our lives When I realized what was

going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in

that house for two years then moved to Hawai i

Now the kids are grown the grandkids are

teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos

no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-

foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a

semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided

me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she

said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo

As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot

out of my feet and sink into the ground I was

so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here

three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot

want to move

What have I lea rned th rough al l these

moves Adaptability being and living in the

now and that there is glory in both staying and

moving but it is much easier and cheaper to

stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland

Out of the Nest

I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E

back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze

tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last

time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex

where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs

Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot

stepped inside the apartment for eight months

To do so would risk my life

ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-

tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February

I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following

weekmdashfor six months

Left behind with Michael were our surro-

gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy

and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned

starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier

It was last October when I first developed

symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-

ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse

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41 FallWinter 2015 Move

This is where the plates layers of crust

crashed into each other in a fiery show

perhaps tens of thousands of years ago

Soon breathing was excruciating I took

shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain

Paralyzing fatigue set in

My endocrinologist suspected chronic

obstructive pulmonary disease which made

little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I

began scouring descriptions of lung conditions

Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity

pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung

Relief and terror flooded in

If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-

monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a

terminal condition in which scarring causes

respiratory failure within three to five years

Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif

caught early But the solution is drastic We

would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-

ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even

be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the

parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would

have a new ending

Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms

lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper

grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-

pice moments before plummeting

Today we are moving the last of our belong-

ings into our first house The kitties and birdies

have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed

While I cannot hold my babies I watch them

on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the

two-way speaker

From rescue feedings to teenage angst to

nighttime vigils during illness in caring for

these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging

from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety

Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey

take their first tentative steps toward flight

Today I learned the most painful lesson let-

ting go

MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene

Subduction Zones

T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK

were on an af ternoon in early Septem-

ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for

the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper

and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our

ankles

Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-

berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend

and is directly responsible for the creation of

Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back

then one that I sometimes imagined looked

like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus

Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of

the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale

their name suggests but the result of plates

shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-

tion led to the formation of the trio This is

where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into

each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-

sands of years ago Subduction zones are places

where great trauma lies

And here I was all these years later in the

shadows of these mountains loss everywhere

Later that day back at our apartment we

walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit

into anymore For more than a year we went

through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern

Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that

followed us Then one day our four-year-old

daughter started a conversation that shook me

ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo

I nodded

ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so

sadrdquo

Six words leapt at me

ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo

We moved back to Ash land where brig ht

red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-

hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot

know it then but we were charting our own

map however imperfect Healing crept up on

us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-

ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew

Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng

up the darkness Seventeen years passed

And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most

folks want to flee helps you see things more

clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in

its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along

VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland

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Oregon Humanities42POSTS

continued from previous page

Just to

underscore

how settled we

planned to be

we unpacked

EverythingEven the

heirloom china

which had never

before left its

boxes We were

here to stay

Dance Church

SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I

go to church Dance church A church

where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers

to recite A church where at first glance outsid-

ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon

arriving I see a few little munchkins running

around with oversize neon headphones on to

protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music

set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with

rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors

There are flowers candles pillow puddles

beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some

kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in

alignment with the morningrsquos intention

As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s

become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-

tainer in which I can move once again after

years of chronic freezing and dissociating A

trapped animal released back into the wild

wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom

in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism

evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with

anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our

spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist

The music awakens the holy spirit within

me and dances me through throngs of people

I am an antelope cut loose checking out the

creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns

bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms

Each stunning in their authentic movement I

see people falling in love with each other from

a distance I see a girl rocking four different

Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed

like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands

ldquopracticing dancingrdquo

This is the church of Miriam the biblical

tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of

years later I move here and I am reunited with

my self my best self my most curious mischie-

vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self

Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten

invited back in the room to whip her hair back

and forth I throw my head back in delight and

laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like

hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form

of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music

EMILY I BEDAL Portland

Again

M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R

upwardly mobile engineer That trans-

lated into at least one move per year until I was

eight and another address for high school I

moved every year in college one year twice I

moved three times during my first stint in Bos-

ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-

ment for the whole two years Then it was back

to Boston where I lived in five different homes

in five years

Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for

the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe

two years back East then back to New Mexico

in two different cities three different homes

Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates

what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo

From Albuquerque we moved to our present

home in Port Orford my thirt ieth

Moving has always been exciting cathar-

tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books

by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally

donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-

ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated

magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets

ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit

thatrsquos never happened In each new house

wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos

never worked

We vowed Port Orford would be our final

ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore

how settled we planned to be we unpacked

Everything Even the heirloom china which

had never before left its boxes We were here

to stay

Except it seems wersquore going to have to move

again but not for the exciting futures wersquod

always envisioned before Now we need doctors

and hospitals and a nearby airport for family

visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is

on the other side of adventure Now we need a

place to feel safe secure

So the sorting and throwing out is about to

begin yet again There are closets and drawers

that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to

dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of

booksmdashto give away This move exciting No

way The very thought of it exhausts me

Still those other feelings cathartic freeing

new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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43 FallWinter 2015 Move

Next theme Root

For the Spring 2016 issue tell

us your stories about rooting

around taking root being

uprooted or root-bound getting

to the root of a problem being

the root of the problem rooting

someone on Share stories and

ideas about beginnings origins

and foundations Analyze a

historical or contemporary

grassroots effort Describe

the tension between staying

put and being stuck Send your

submission (400 words maxi-

mum) by February 15 2016 to

postsoregonhumanitiesorg

Submissions may be edited for

space or clarity

Listen to Your Body

I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y

motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease

Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit

and spot-on timing Though she was confined

to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was

still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her

sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-

cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone

have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but

aching joints diminished strength and a fal-

tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back

Those maladies werenrsquot the result of

chronic disease More like lack of exercise At

some point in the past decade or so I developed

an aversion to any fitness routine That choice

has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo

class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community

Center

Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the

center for the past thirty-six years teaches

the dance-infused workout three days a week

Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at

the core of each class She dispenses praise as

we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform

deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements

and she encourages each of us to breathe and

listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably

youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying

ballet seriously By then her versatility as an

actress singer dancer and comedian had been

evident in community theater productions in

the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although

not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few

years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe

continues to lead a full life She can still stand

and press her palms flat to the floor despite

relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip

notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg

and stretch at the barre

A role model for agi ng wit h presence and

dignity Lynn maintains her considerable

charm and elegance and purposely keeps her

body and mind active Like my mother she

is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has

inspired me to accept what my body can do

today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow

Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for

getting up in the morning And by some mea-

sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE

Portland

Over the Hill

I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D

eleven times in three years I worked spring

through fall as a natural history guide in

Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure

where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned

into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply

moved around A lot With each new tempo-

rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked

clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was

nothing

At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the

person who would become my life partner

another seasonal worker We would move from

Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We

lived one magical off-season on a houseboat

on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the

ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught

me I loved wide-open spaces What could be

wider than the Pacific A fter one more season

of guiding I came back to the coast and decided

to stay

I volunteered my way into one steady job

and eventually landed another at the local

college After a few more seasons my partner

came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota

and we bought another together He built a

business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our

hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and

had a child Wersquod officially settled down

The economic hardships of rural living

however are real job opportunities decline

and can no longer support the life wersquove built

The accumulation of years no longer fits into

the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner

took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast

and we lived as a split family The split was tax-

ing though so we decided to make the move

to the city We left the first community of our

adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven

ourselves The only community our daughter

has even known Friends asked me not to go

Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart

still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the

sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes

at the memory of that moon over Tillamook

Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot

nothingmdashitrsquos every thing

NANCY SLAVIN Portland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities44

Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm

LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015

This intertwined story of two

teenage girls and their mothers

is set in New Orleans during

and after Hurricane Katrina

In her debut novel Urbani an

Oregon writer with Southern

roots brings a maternal touch

to the narrative handling trag-

edy with a careful soulfulness

and love This honest yet brutal

story will simultaneously break

and warm your heart

mdashAnnie Kaffen

At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015

Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French

Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the

Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural

French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-

tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans

and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a

snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland

Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015

Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the

Oregon physician and radicalrsquos

extraordinary experiences

from her early years working in

a textile mill in New Bedford

Massachusetts through her

activist years in Oregon includ-

ing a three-year term at San

Quentin State Prison Equi lived

openly as a lesbian beginning in

the 1890s and was one of the

first practicing female doctors

in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and

compassion for others with a

strong personal belief in social

and economic justice

mdashCarole Shel lhart

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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45 FallWinter 2015 Move

People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015

This debut collection from

Portland writer Margaret

Malone is filled with brief

bitterly funny stories about the

sort of people who tie them-

selves in knots in their heads

and feel uncomfortable in their

own skin and can never quite

bring themselves to say the

words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point

includes all of us

mdashBen Waterhouse

The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015

Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer

The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with

Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research

for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the

first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of

revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced

a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer

in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he

writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo

mdashMaggie Starr

To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for

Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon

Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205

Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe

Sasquatch Books 2015

Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter

Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt

to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography

in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers

a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden

rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance

sounds smells and much more

mdashBen Waterhouse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities46

Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson

February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum

1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg

CROPPINGS

Wendy Red Star Untitled

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities programs are

funded by the National Endowment

for the Humanities and the Oregon

Cultural Trust and by contributions from

individuals foundations community

organizations and corporations For

more information about Oregon

Humanities or to learn how you can help

more Oregonians get together share

ideas listen think and grow please

contact us at

921 SW Washington Street Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax

(503) 241-0024

ohmoregonhumanitiesorg

oregonhumanitiesorg

Staff

e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r

Adam Davis

facilitation and tra ining manager

Rachel Bernstein

communicationsprogram associate

Eloise Holland

editorassociate director

Kathleen Holt

development director

Kamla Hurst

program officer

Annie Kaffen

office manager

Mikaela Schey

director of finance and oper ations

Carole Shellhart

development associate

Maggie Starr

communications associate

Ben Waterhouse

program coordinator

Kyle Weismann-Yee

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Board of Directorsch a i r

Sona Karentz Andrews Portland

v ic e ch a i r

Janet Webster Newport

tr e a s u r e r

Jeff Cronn Portland

secretary

Matthew Boulay Salem

Paul Duden Portland

Kimberly Howard Portland

Nels Johnson Portland

Emily Karr Portland

Shannon Mara Bend

Win McCormack Portland

Alberto Moreno Portland

Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego

Ron Paul Portland

Denise Reed Astoria

Chantal Strobel Bend

Dave Weich Portland

Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED

Non-profit Org

US Postage

PAID

Permit No 1274

Portland OR

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities24

1 Every week two trucks (a third joins every

other week) from Heiberg Garbage and Recy-

cling one of a number of independent haulers

in the Metro region grind their gears uphill

traveling the narrow streets of Portlandrsquos Hill-sdale neighborhood A family has set out food

scraps and yard waste in a green cart card-

board junk mail and cat food cans in the blue

recycling cart condiment jars and bottles in

the yellow bin and garbage in the dark green

roll cart A truck is designated for each cat-

egory recycling compost and yard waste and

garbage

2 The familyrsquos recyclables are taken directly

either to Far West Fibers in Beaverton or Ore-

gon Recycling System past the airport in East

Portland Both are ldquocleanrdquo material recovery

facilities (there are a handful in the region)

which then sell the materials based on demand

in commodity marketsmdashsome nearby others

in foreign countries such as China

3 Loaded down with garbage and compostable

waste the other trucks head to Metro Central

Transfer Station in Northwest Portland or Metro

South in Oregon City two of six transfer sta-

tions in the region Last year almost a half a

million tons of trash was processed at Metrorsquos

two transfer stations The Heiberg truck joins

other company haulers contractors with con-

struction waste and residential customers with

miscellaneous items not picked up through

home collection service At the transfer station

the sorting process begins

4 Mixed food and yard waste is taken to Nature

Needrsquos composting facility owned by Recol-

ogy Organics outside of North Plains about

twenty-three miles away or to the PacificRegion Compost Facility in Adair Village about

twelve miles north of Corvallis

5 The ReBuilding Center in Portland might take doors and other reusable household

items Other items like broken porcelain find a second life as ground-up material

in roads

6 After itrsquos sorted the garbage is piled into a mountain and ground by a wheel loader

then sent up a chute into a compactor From there thirty-four tons of trash at a time

is loaded into long-haul trucks Five days a week Metrorsquos Central and South transfer

stations send sixty trucks out I-84 to the Columbia Ridge Landfill near Arlington a

three-hundred-mile round-trip The trucks travel to the landfill full and return empty

no garbage is returned to the Portland area When the truck arrives at the sagebrush

plains of Columbia Ridge it is tipped into the landfill and compacted into a ldquocellrdquo

According to the Department of Environmental Quality at the end of every day the

garbage in the landfill must be buried with dirt or another approved cover material

The methane that is generated from the decaying waste must be collected and is

often used to generate electricity Columbia Ridge collects 5400 cubic feet per

minute of landfill gas from more than eighty-four wells Some of that gas is sent to

an onsite energy plant and the rest is sent up in flares The gas that is sent to the

plant powers twelve engines which provide 128 MW of electricity This electricity

powers 12500 homes in Seattle mdashTRM

Tara Rae Miner is a freelance editor and writer in Portland

Waste fromSouthwestPortland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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25 FallWinter 2015 Move

1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in

winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period

in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a

twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source

TriMet)

HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make

every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-

tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed

Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-

age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo

In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin

Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the

new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue

represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even

signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from

the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles

per hour depending on the time of day

The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars

buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic

signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and

emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one

hundred intersections throughout Portland

Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North

Williams today reflects a different wave of development and

demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share

the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to

bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes

to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density

residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG

Traffic on North Williams Avenue

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities26

Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect

changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-

erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed

law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or

rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already

passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a

referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather

than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-

ers approved this system in 1902

This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an

initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on

a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided

driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal

documentation of US citizenship status

1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three

ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)

Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text

of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall

issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to

provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)

2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-

tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)

3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of

Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative

petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State

Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal

Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)

4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is

certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults

to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88

58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold

of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to

qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-

ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without

requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to

Dec 2013)

5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88

Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor

Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)

6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51

to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails

666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-

croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered

by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed

lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move

(2003)

7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block

saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-

zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the

case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor

General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the

practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The

US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide

law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG

Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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27 FallWinter 2015 Move

SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137

983158983151983145983139983141

N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -

room closet I came across a box of old family photographs

I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color

photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-

ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five

standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie

primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos

hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-

tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against

the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But

the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a

frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat

in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple

of the Sun

A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -

graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one

end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both

L A I L A L A L A M I

Al-Mursquoallaqat

The GoldenOdes of Love

J E N W I C K S T U D I O

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities28

of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels

science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-

raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to

love books so much perhaps books provided them an education

about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing

from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches

that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-

ing the reign of King Hassan

It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned

to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed

copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from

friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about

whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-

drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new

offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte

which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne

Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others

Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les

petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why

the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion

Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which

the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to

either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan

tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three

Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords

and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo

Of course none of the characters in these books looked or

spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly

all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan

bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their

homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my

own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they

had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary

world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an

alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define

normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like

my country my imagination had been colonized

I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly

the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-

acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the

fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled

my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high

school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes

where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-

yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as

well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father

said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it

was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted

D RISS C H RAI BI

LA

CI VI LISA TIO N

MA M E R E

PAR

ALEXANDRE DUMAS

Taha Hussein

THE

DA YS

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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29 FallWinter 2015 Move

When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same

school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum

el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine

At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were

taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled

with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still

the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-

language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from

the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi

al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the

Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese

Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-

moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some

of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved

each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a

classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-

els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan

authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-

tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren

It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read

adult literature on my own and independently from school that

I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-

ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos

La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a

sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin

Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book

that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment

of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read

lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was

as fertile ground for fiction as any other

And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature

nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in

French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after

all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-

latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss

Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was

ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a

particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made

it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I

was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train

in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco

medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-

ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my

hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat

or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-

matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely

be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study

linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in

a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in

an analytica l way

Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in

Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship

to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait

I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and

racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School

of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work

of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went

back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how

often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes

Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in

our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in

formal soireacutees French was de rigueur

Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-

guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles

and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in

English which made me think even more about the relationship

between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a

prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power

an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people

The education I had received had emphasized the importance

of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our

media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the

shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed

in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored

by the French government for free access to books The role of

Every time I went back

to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much

and how often we moved

between French and

Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not

went through life

switching between codes

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities30

French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a

cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no

longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case

of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should

not be writing at all

I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish

after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried

to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of

me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that

stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have

immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the

native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow

me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred

to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic

languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought

Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my

days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use

English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the

linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh

perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a

child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-

gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the

same story

I have always written because I have always had the urge to

tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided

that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-

thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my

race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-

larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while

the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and

waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had

enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos

phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-

rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat

seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of

others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the

works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s

such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in

the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and

sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing

graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had

always told stories but now I wanted to be heard

This essay was first published in World Literature Today

Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami

Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The

Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The

Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy

Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for

Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016

Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16

and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for

more information and to buy tickets

Writing in French came

at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial

baggage that I no longer

wanted to carry I started

to suffer from a peculiar

case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic

perhaps I should not be

writing at all

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31 FallWinter 2015 Move

A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good

LORETTA STINSON

I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M

every day after work waiting for Bruce to

get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching

myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me

sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on

from a distance at whatever is happening to

me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie

and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-

kick of the star or I play a supporting role but

I am definitely not the star of this movie The

moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom

just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been

able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed

freak for fifteen years

Sun through the small rectangular win-

dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats

wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in

1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from

the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom

watchi ng my past present a nd future selves

do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental

after another waiting for the next bad thing

to happen and not getting out of the way even

when I see it coming The habit of living in con-

stant fear and the resignation that nothing can

ever change are the glue that holds me in place

This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting

on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on

Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on

hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the

future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who

can only be counted on not to be counted on

In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses

and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about

J U L I A N N A B R I O N

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Oregon Humanities32

detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot

change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-

ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what

the old-timers were saying Needless to say

I didnrsquot

Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go

home and try some new strategy to make Bruce

quit using I once read a book about how sugar

was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding

him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein

diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck

them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat

and beer is a very filling meal in itself When

he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put

in front of him but speed and alcohol are his

drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-

ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never

remembers what he does to me and since he

doesnrsquot remember I have to forget

It be what it be Bruce says about all things

unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color

electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it

be Today I see things clearly for the first time

Today I see myself on this couch waiting for

someone else to do the changing Today I see

that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be

my life until the day he kills me or he dies or

I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been

disappointed too many times Addiction his to

drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove

been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot

see my part until now

My only friend has been telling me for

months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I

have left many times for a day or a week but

Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop

drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs

to me for the first time that this is absurd and a

huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe

itrsquos me who needs to change and not because

that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction

is his business

Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll

be wasted because it was payday and most of

his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-

ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood

alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or

hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how

those will interact with his mood the kind of

day he had and if hersquos eaten

None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for

such a long time that I could Like every person

who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that

if I did all the right things I would figure out a

way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on

his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine

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33 FallWinter 2015 Move

I worked like some kind of crazy statistician

making up story problems to predict what he

might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job

and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without

eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito

at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos

left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going

to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-

ing home mistakes his second wife for his first

wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out

Please show your work

I have never been able to figure out the rec-

ipe for equilibrium His or mine

Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce

comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not

wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face

slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat

the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says

Itrsquos not really a question but I answer

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him

clearly for the first time I see his addiction in

action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have

nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest

thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can

do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look

at him for too long when hersquos been drinking

kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash

you just back away slowly and try not to piss

him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows

too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how

little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs

to believe because he has to be mad at some-

one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom

just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by

the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about

nothing that it was never my face that pissed

him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He

needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave

to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do

no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a

revelation

He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you

looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on

the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-

spread that covers its stained sagging cush-

ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier

mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore

afraid when hersquos like this and they should be

Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that

hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what

if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already

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Oregon Humanities34

dead or at least not living just existing on the

edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story

Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom

suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am

afraid of being killed

I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to

make a home The china teacups that I str ung

together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks

in the window like a mobile The plants my

booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the

sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the

bed my dad and I refinished before I left home

The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday

The fifteen years of history we have together

one year short of half my life tonight not all of

it bad He is no monster just a man struggling

wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to

face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo

He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo

He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo

Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He

screams them at me knowing how in the past

these are the very words that made me cling to

him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go

Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but

this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest

the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about

his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does

Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom

seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man

Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried

to help for his own good right This man Irsquove

tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody

made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when

I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself

Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the

usual responseI know three things tonight Number one

If I stay this will be my life until I die Number

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Oregon Humanities36

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37 FallWinter 2015 Move

M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN

he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline

somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and

believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he

turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean

for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees

in rows

My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home

at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York

City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for

rows of buildings

ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says

In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark

skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the

Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n

My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I

met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo

My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too

often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance

of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He

was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister

a year later

My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my

father a suit They seem happy in the picture

Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put

half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband

My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years

My grandmother died

All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a

life rocked with waves

P A I G E

V I C K E R S

JASON ARI AS

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Oregon Humanities38

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have

let that slip through thecracksrdquo

My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes

My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why

Grandma was hiding

Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here

To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-

vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where

we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We

have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo

I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened

My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next

closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed

a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time

tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the

process

Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends

Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his

giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist

until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again

We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in

the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-

ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-

lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be

Ama zons)

The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door

I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour

feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean

ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said

We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not

about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same

ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As

kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon

I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower

water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the

high tide after being beached again and again

One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom

decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia

One of my new Olympian friends flicked a

match that started a fire inside my mattress I

tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking

Mom came home and we put the burning

bed outside

This isnrsquot a metaphor

I slept on the floor of my bedroom that

night missing the ocean of Grayland while my

mom and sister shared their bed in the room

next to mine The next morning my mattress

was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-

ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a

popular song on the radio at the time One of us

would start singing the lyrics

How can we dance when our earth is turning

and then wersquod all join in

How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh

But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame

Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-

land That no matter how many times we

were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty

porous flotation device on which to try to

reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe

even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the

way we did as something gia nt and limit less

something to be feared and conquered some-

thing to be moved by

In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a

flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called

my name and the light receded back down the

hall disappearing into the living room and

slipping out the front door

We discovered that the flickering light had

left wax shapes on the carpet of our living

room that could have been bad pentagrams or

the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It

left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot

take any money It left us wondering if some

past boyfriend had found us somehow

Whi le we were out the next day somebody

hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment

door Mom winced at the divots denting the

wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing

mechanism once was with her hand

We left the dishes in the sink

We left no forwarding address

We boarded a bus

Two days later we were on the doorstep of

the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with

a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my

backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase

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39 FallWinter 2015 Move

in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever

received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer

trophies in the other

At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude

who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-

thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been

there were two concave smooth-skinned div-

ots She was always smiling I liked watching

how Jude listened

Before long the four of us moved into an

apartment between Portland and Gresham It

was right on the MAX line and right on the city

line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-

landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign

that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block

to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch

my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but

Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the

perfect space for her She said it was easier for

her to know where everything was in a smaller

environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond

than an ocean

One day Jude brought her new boyfriend

home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo

ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said

Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor

and said ldquo White peoplerdquo

I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was

wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what

ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to

a blind person

Red is the rage in your gut

White is the entrapment of the disabled

One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend

and her room became a closet again

We saw her a little and then not at all

Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to

Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally

almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of

my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday

cards and pictures that were inside it

Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-

day cards away

My wife and I began archiving our new fam-

ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with

the rest of them Our sons grew I became an

uncle My grandfather remarried and went

crazy My mother still has the same smile she

had when I was young

Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a

bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple

of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary

There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help

you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear

Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie

each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out

If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads

directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end

points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably

guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock

between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled

and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long

by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of

human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of

the Mayan calendar

In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and

I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of

the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam

When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-

land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else

ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says

one night while wersquore lying in bed

And I do

I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that

had to happen I listen to our breath

In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I

make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My

finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving

And then the line disappears

And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and

falling together

Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the

Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life

Poems and Stories of the Dead

If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between

Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous

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Oregon Humanities40

READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts

One hundred moves and not one of

them associated with the military

a job or being on the run

The Ledger

Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G

through a yard sale I picked up an old

ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-

ance Company of New York A large thin hard-

bound ledger black with a red spine eleven

inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by

insurance agents to track insurers and their

policies all entries written by hand There was

only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty

cents the rest of the pages were blank After

years of treasuring its antiquity but making

no entries of my own I tore the one used page

out and decided to start tracking al l my moves

before my memory lost track I sat down and

recorded all the moves I remembered over one

hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my

parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them

associated with the military a job or being on

the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-

derlust and exploration then relationships

and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad

landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just

being unable as a single parent to bear the rent

and high heating bills Once my oldest son and

I landed in a decent house that could hold us

indefinitely After three months I was drawn to

cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted

to gather them touch them fill their empti-

ness with our lives When I realized what was

going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in

that house for two years then moved to Hawai i

Now the kids are grown the grandkids are

teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos

no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-

foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a

semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided

me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she

said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo

As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot

out of my feet and sink into the ground I was

so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here

three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot

want to move

What have I lea rned th rough al l these

moves Adaptability being and living in the

now and that there is glory in both staying and

moving but it is much easier and cheaper to

stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland

Out of the Nest

I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E

back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze

tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last

time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex

where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs

Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot

stepped inside the apartment for eight months

To do so would risk my life

ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-

tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February

I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following

weekmdashfor six months

Left behind with Michael were our surro-

gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy

and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned

starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier

It was last October when I first developed

symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-

ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse

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41 FallWinter 2015 Move

This is where the plates layers of crust

crashed into each other in a fiery show

perhaps tens of thousands of years ago

Soon breathing was excruciating I took

shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain

Paralyzing fatigue set in

My endocrinologist suspected chronic

obstructive pulmonary disease which made

little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I

began scouring descriptions of lung conditions

Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity

pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung

Relief and terror flooded in

If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-

monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a

terminal condition in which scarring causes

respiratory failure within three to five years

Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif

caught early But the solution is drastic We

would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-

ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even

be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the

parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would

have a new ending

Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms

lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper

grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-

pice moments before plummeting

Today we are moving the last of our belong-

ings into our first house The kitties and birdies

have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed

While I cannot hold my babies I watch them

on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the

two-way speaker

From rescue feedings to teenage angst to

nighttime vigils during illness in caring for

these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging

from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety

Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey

take their first tentative steps toward flight

Today I learned the most painful lesson let-

ting go

MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene

Subduction Zones

T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK

were on an af ternoon in early Septem-

ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for

the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper

and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our

ankles

Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-

berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend

and is directly responsible for the creation of

Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back

then one that I sometimes imagined looked

like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus

Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of

the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale

their name suggests but the result of plates

shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-

tion led to the formation of the trio This is

where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into

each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-

sands of years ago Subduction zones are places

where great trauma lies

And here I was all these years later in the

shadows of these mountains loss everywhere

Later that day back at our apartment we

walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit

into anymore For more than a year we went

through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern

Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that

followed us Then one day our four-year-old

daughter started a conversation that shook me

ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo

I nodded

ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so

sadrdquo

Six words leapt at me

ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo

We moved back to Ash land where brig ht

red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-

hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot

know it then but we were charting our own

map however imperfect Healing crept up on

us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-

ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew

Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng

up the darkness Seventeen years passed

And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most

folks want to flee helps you see things more

clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in

its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along

VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities42POSTS

continued from previous page

Just to

underscore

how settled we

planned to be

we unpacked

EverythingEven the

heirloom china

which had never

before left its

boxes We were

here to stay

Dance Church

SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I

go to church Dance church A church

where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers

to recite A church where at first glance outsid-

ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon

arriving I see a few little munchkins running

around with oversize neon headphones on to

protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music

set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with

rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors

There are flowers candles pillow puddles

beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some

kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in

alignment with the morningrsquos intention

As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s

become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-

tainer in which I can move once again after

years of chronic freezing and dissociating A

trapped animal released back into the wild

wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom

in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism

evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with

anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our

spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist

The music awakens the holy spirit within

me and dances me through throngs of people

I am an antelope cut loose checking out the

creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns

bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms

Each stunning in their authentic movement I

see people falling in love with each other from

a distance I see a girl rocking four different

Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed

like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands

ldquopracticing dancingrdquo

This is the church of Miriam the biblical

tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of

years later I move here and I am reunited with

my self my best self my most curious mischie-

vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self

Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten

invited back in the room to whip her hair back

and forth I throw my head back in delight and

laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like

hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form

of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music

EMILY I BEDAL Portland

Again

M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R

upwardly mobile engineer That trans-

lated into at least one move per year until I was

eight and another address for high school I

moved every year in college one year twice I

moved three times during my first stint in Bos-

ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-

ment for the whole two years Then it was back

to Boston where I lived in five different homes

in five years

Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for

the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe

two years back East then back to New Mexico

in two different cities three different homes

Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates

what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo

From Albuquerque we moved to our present

home in Port Orford my thirt ieth

Moving has always been exciting cathar-

tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books

by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally

donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-

ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated

magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets

ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit

thatrsquos never happened In each new house

wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos

never worked

We vowed Port Orford would be our final

ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore

how settled we planned to be we unpacked

Everything Even the heirloom china which

had never before left its boxes We were here

to stay

Except it seems wersquore going to have to move

again but not for the exciting futures wersquod

always envisioned before Now we need doctors

and hospitals and a nearby airport for family

visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is

on the other side of adventure Now we need a

place to feel safe secure

So the sorting and throwing out is about to

begin yet again There are closets and drawers

that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to

dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of

booksmdashto give away This move exciting No

way The very thought of it exhausts me

Still those other feelings cathartic freeing

new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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43 FallWinter 2015 Move

Next theme Root

For the Spring 2016 issue tell

us your stories about rooting

around taking root being

uprooted or root-bound getting

to the root of a problem being

the root of the problem rooting

someone on Share stories and

ideas about beginnings origins

and foundations Analyze a

historical or contemporary

grassroots effort Describe

the tension between staying

put and being stuck Send your

submission (400 words maxi-

mum) by February 15 2016 to

postsoregonhumanitiesorg

Submissions may be edited for

space or clarity

Listen to Your Body

I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y

motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease

Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit

and spot-on timing Though she was confined

to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was

still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her

sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-

cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone

have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but

aching joints diminished strength and a fal-

tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back

Those maladies werenrsquot the result of

chronic disease More like lack of exercise At

some point in the past decade or so I developed

an aversion to any fitness routine That choice

has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo

class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community

Center

Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the

center for the past thirty-six years teaches

the dance-infused workout three days a week

Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at

the core of each class She dispenses praise as

we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform

deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements

and she encourages each of us to breathe and

listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably

youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying

ballet seriously By then her versatility as an

actress singer dancer and comedian had been

evident in community theater productions in

the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although

not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few

years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe

continues to lead a full life She can still stand

and press her palms flat to the floor despite

relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip

notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg

and stretch at the barre

A role model for agi ng wit h presence and

dignity Lynn maintains her considerable

charm and elegance and purposely keeps her

body and mind active Like my mother she

is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has

inspired me to accept what my body can do

today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow

Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for

getting up in the morning And by some mea-

sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE

Portland

Over the Hill

I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D

eleven times in three years I worked spring

through fall as a natural history guide in

Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure

where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned

into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply

moved around A lot With each new tempo-

rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked

clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was

nothing

At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the

person who would become my life partner

another seasonal worker We would move from

Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We

lived one magical off-season on a houseboat

on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the

ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught

me I loved wide-open spaces What could be

wider than the Pacific A fter one more season

of guiding I came back to the coast and decided

to stay

I volunteered my way into one steady job

and eventually landed another at the local

college After a few more seasons my partner

came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota

and we bought another together He built a

business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our

hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and

had a child Wersquod officially settled down

The economic hardships of rural living

however are real job opportunities decline

and can no longer support the life wersquove built

The accumulation of years no longer fits into

the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner

took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast

and we lived as a split family The split was tax-

ing though so we decided to make the move

to the city We left the first community of our

adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven

ourselves The only community our daughter

has even known Friends asked me not to go

Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart

still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the

sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes

at the memory of that moon over Tillamook

Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot

nothingmdashitrsquos every thing

NANCY SLAVIN Portland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities44

Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm

LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015

This intertwined story of two

teenage girls and their mothers

is set in New Orleans during

and after Hurricane Katrina

In her debut novel Urbani an

Oregon writer with Southern

roots brings a maternal touch

to the narrative handling trag-

edy with a careful soulfulness

and love This honest yet brutal

story will simultaneously break

and warm your heart

mdashAnnie Kaffen

At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015

Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French

Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the

Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural

French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-

tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans

and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a

snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland

Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015

Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the

Oregon physician and radicalrsquos

extraordinary experiences

from her early years working in

a textile mill in New Bedford

Massachusetts through her

activist years in Oregon includ-

ing a three-year term at San

Quentin State Prison Equi lived

openly as a lesbian beginning in

the 1890s and was one of the

first practicing female doctors

in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and

compassion for others with a

strong personal belief in social

and economic justice

mdashCarole Shel lhart

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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45 FallWinter 2015 Move

People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015

This debut collection from

Portland writer Margaret

Malone is filled with brief

bitterly funny stories about the

sort of people who tie them-

selves in knots in their heads

and feel uncomfortable in their

own skin and can never quite

bring themselves to say the

words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point

includes all of us

mdashBen Waterhouse

The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015

Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer

The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with

Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research

for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the

first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of

revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced

a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer

in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he

writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo

mdashMaggie Starr

To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for

Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon

Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205

Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe

Sasquatch Books 2015

Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter

Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt

to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography

in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers

a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden

rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance

sounds smells and much more

mdashBen Waterhouse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities46

Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson

February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum

1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg

CROPPINGS

Wendy Red Star Untitled

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4748

Oregon Humanities programs are

funded by the National Endowment

for the Humanities and the Oregon

Cultural Trust and by contributions from

individuals foundations community

organizations and corporations For

more information about Oregon

Humanities or to learn how you can help

more Oregonians get together share

ideas listen think and grow please

contact us at

921 SW Washington Street Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax

(503) 241-0024

ohmoregonhumanitiesorg

oregonhumanitiesorg

Staff

e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r

Adam Davis

facilitation and tra ining manager

Rachel Bernstein

communicationsprogram associate

Eloise Holland

editorassociate director

Kathleen Holt

development director

Kamla Hurst

program officer

Annie Kaffen

office manager

Mikaela Schey

director of finance and oper ations

Carole Shellhart

development associate

Maggie Starr

communications associate

Ben Waterhouse

program coordinator

Kyle Weismann-Yee

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4848

Board of Directorsch a i r

Sona Karentz Andrews Portland

v ic e ch a i r

Janet Webster Newport

tr e a s u r e r

Jeff Cronn Portland

secretary

Matthew Boulay Salem

Paul Duden Portland

Kimberly Howard Portland

Nels Johnson Portland

Emily Karr Portland

Shannon Mara Bend

Win McCormack Portland

Alberto Moreno Portland

Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego

Ron Paul Portland

Denise Reed Astoria

Chantal Strobel Bend

Dave Weich Portland

Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED

Non-profit Org

US Postage

PAID

Permit No 1274

Portland OR

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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25 FallWinter 2015 Move

1 7099 cars in a twenty-four-hour period in

winter 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

2 4745 bicycles in a twenty-four-hour period

in summer 2015 (Source Portland Bureau of

Transportation)

3 2792 riders over a total of 139 bus trips in a

twenty-four-hour period in spring 2015 (Source

TriMet)

HAVE YOU EVER noticed that sometimes you seem to make

every green light as you drive along an arterial street Thatrsquos inten-

tional and it means you were probably traveling at a safe speed

Traffic engineers time the signals on certain streets to encour-

age reasonable speeds a phenomenon called the ldquogreen waverdquo

In Portland you can ride a green wave downtown on Martin

Luther King Jr Boulevard on Southeast 17th Avenue near the

new Orange Line light rail tracks and on North Williams Avenue

represented here (In Klamath Falls and Astoria there are even

signs to let you know what speed you should drive to benefit from

the signal timing) On North Williams as in downtown Portlandthe signals are timed to a target speed of between 13 and 16 miles

per hour depending on the time of day

The green wave is part of a complex system that helps cars

buses trains bikes and pedestrians share the streets The traffic

signal synchronization can be overridden by light rail trains and

emergency vehicles Buses get a little extra time at almost one

hundred intersections throughout Portland

Once a hub of Portlandrsquos African American community North

Williams today reflects a different wave of development and

demographic changes Cars bikes pedestrians and buses share

the busy corridor recently altered to devote one of its two lanes to

bicycles Each day thousands of people use these transit modes

to pass relatively recent arrivals such as New Seasons Marketthe popular restaurant Tasty amp Sons and several high-density

residential buildings in various stages of construction mdashEG

Traffic on North Williams Avenue

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities26

Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect

changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-

erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed

law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or

rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already

passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a

referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather

than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-

ers approved this system in 1902

This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an

initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on

a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided

driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal

documentation of US citizenship status

1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three

ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)

Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text

of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall

issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to

provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)

2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-

tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)

3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of

Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative

petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State

Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal

Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)

4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is

certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults

to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88

58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold

of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to

qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-

ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without

requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to

Dec 2013)

5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88

Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor

Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)

6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51

to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails

666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-

croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered

by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed

lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move

(2003)

7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block

saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-

zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the

case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor

General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the

practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The

US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide

law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG

Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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27 FallWinter 2015 Move

SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137

983158983151983145983139983141

N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -

room closet I came across a box of old family photographs

I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color

photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-

ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five

standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie

primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos

hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-

tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against

the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But

the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a

frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat

in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple

of the Sun

A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -

graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one

end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both

L A I L A L A L A M I

Al-Mursquoallaqat

The GoldenOdes of Love

J E N W I C K S T U D I O

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities28

of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels

science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-

raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to

love books so much perhaps books provided them an education

about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing

from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches

that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-

ing the reign of King Hassan

It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned

to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed

copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from

friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about

whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-

drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new

offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte

which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne

Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others

Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les

petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why

the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion

Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which

the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to

either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan

tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three

Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords

and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo

Of course none of the characters in these books looked or

spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly

all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan

bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their

homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my

own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they

had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary

world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an

alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define

normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like

my country my imagination had been colonized

I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly

the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-

acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the

fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled

my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high

school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes

where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-

yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as

well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father

said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it

was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted

D RISS C H RAI BI

LA

CI VI LISA TIO N

MA M E R E

PAR

ALEXANDRE DUMAS

Taha Hussein

THE

DA YS

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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29 FallWinter 2015 Move

When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same

school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum

el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine

At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were

taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled

with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still

the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-

language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from

the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi

al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the

Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese

Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-

moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some

of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved

each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a

classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-

els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan

authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-

tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren

It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read

adult literature on my own and independently from school that

I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-

ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos

La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a

sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin

Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book

that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment

of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read

lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was

as fertile ground for fiction as any other

And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature

nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in

French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after

all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-

latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss

Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was

ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a

particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made

it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I

was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train

in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco

medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-

ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my

hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat

or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-

matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely

be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study

linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in

a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in

an analytica l way

Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in

Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship

to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait

I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and

racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School

of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work

of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went

back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how

often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes

Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in

our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in

formal soireacutees French was de rigueur

Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-

guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles

and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in

English which made me think even more about the relationship

between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a

prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power

an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people

The education I had received had emphasized the importance

of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our

media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the

shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed

in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored

by the French government for free access to books The role of

Every time I went back

to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much

and how often we moved

between French and

Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not

went through life

switching between codes

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Oregon Humanities30

French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a

cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no

longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case

of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should

not be writing at all

I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish

after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried

to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of

me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that

stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have

immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the

native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow

me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred

to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic

languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought

Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my

days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use

English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the

linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh

perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a

child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-

gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the

same story

I have always written because I have always had the urge to

tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided

that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-

thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my

race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-

larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while

the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and

waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had

enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos

phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-

rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat

seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of

others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the

works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s

such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in

the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and

sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing

graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had

always told stories but now I wanted to be heard

This essay was first published in World Literature Today

Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami

Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The

Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The

Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy

Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for

Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016

Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16

and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for

more information and to buy tickets

Writing in French came

at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial

baggage that I no longer

wanted to carry I started

to suffer from a peculiar

case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic

perhaps I should not be

writing at all

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31 FallWinter 2015 Move

A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good

LORETTA STINSON

I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M

every day after work waiting for Bruce to

get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching

myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me

sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on

from a distance at whatever is happening to

me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie

and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-

kick of the star or I play a supporting role but

I am definitely not the star of this movie The

moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom

just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been

able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed

freak for fifteen years

Sun through the small rectangular win-

dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats

wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in

1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from

the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom

watchi ng my past present a nd future selves

do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental

after another waiting for the next bad thing

to happen and not getting out of the way even

when I see it coming The habit of living in con-

stant fear and the resignation that nothing can

ever change are the glue that holds me in place

This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting

on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on

Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on

hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the

future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who

can only be counted on not to be counted on

In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses

and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about

J U L I A N N A B R I O N

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Oregon Humanities32

detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot

change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-

ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what

the old-timers were saying Needless to say

I didnrsquot

Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go

home and try some new strategy to make Bruce

quit using I once read a book about how sugar

was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding

him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein

diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck

them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat

and beer is a very filling meal in itself When

he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put

in front of him but speed and alcohol are his

drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-

ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never

remembers what he does to me and since he

doesnrsquot remember I have to forget

It be what it be Bruce says about all things

unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color

electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it

be Today I see things clearly for the first time

Today I see myself on this couch waiting for

someone else to do the changing Today I see

that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be

my life until the day he kills me or he dies or

I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been

disappointed too many times Addiction his to

drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove

been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot

see my part until now

My only friend has been telling me for

months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I

have left many times for a day or a week but

Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop

drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs

to me for the first time that this is absurd and a

huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe

itrsquos me who needs to change and not because

that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction

is his business

Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll

be wasted because it was payday and most of

his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-

ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood

alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or

hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how

those will interact with his mood the kind of

day he had and if hersquos eaten

None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for

such a long time that I could Like every person

who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that

if I did all the right things I would figure out a

way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on

his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine

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33 FallWinter 2015 Move

I worked like some kind of crazy statistician

making up story problems to predict what he

might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job

and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without

eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito

at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos

left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going

to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-

ing home mistakes his second wife for his first

wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out

Please show your work

I have never been able to figure out the rec-

ipe for equilibrium His or mine

Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce

comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not

wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face

slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat

the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says

Itrsquos not really a question but I answer

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him

clearly for the first time I see his addiction in

action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have

nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest

thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can

do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look

at him for too long when hersquos been drinking

kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash

you just back away slowly and try not to piss

him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows

too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how

little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs

to believe because he has to be mad at some-

one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom

just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by

the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about

nothing that it was never my face that pissed

him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He

needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave

to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do

no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a

revelation

He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you

looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on

the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-

spread that covers its stained sagging cush-

ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier

mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore

afraid when hersquos like this and they should be

Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that

hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what

if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already

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Oregon Humanities34

dead or at least not living just existing on the

edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story

Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom

suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am

afraid of being killed

I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to

make a home The china teacups that I str ung

together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks

in the window like a mobile The plants my

booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the

sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the

bed my dad and I refinished before I left home

The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday

The fifteen years of history we have together

one year short of half my life tonight not all of

it bad He is no monster just a man struggling

wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to

face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo

He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo

He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo

Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He

screams them at me knowing how in the past

these are the very words that made me cling to

him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go

Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but

this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest

the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about

his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does

Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom

seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man

Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried

to help for his own good right This man Irsquove

tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody

made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when

I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself

Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the

usual responseI know three things tonight Number one

If I stay this will be my life until I die Number

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Oregon Humanities36

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37 FallWinter 2015 Move

M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN

he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline

somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and

believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he

turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean

for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees

in rows

My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home

at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York

City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for

rows of buildings

ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says

In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark

skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the

Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n

My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I

met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo

My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too

often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance

of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He

was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister

a year later

My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my

father a suit They seem happy in the picture

Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put

half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband

My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years

My grandmother died

All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a

life rocked with waves

P A I G E

V I C K E R S

JASON ARI AS

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Oregon Humanities38

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have

let that slip through thecracksrdquo

My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes

My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why

Grandma was hiding

Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here

To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-

vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where

we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We

have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo

I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened

My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next

closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed

a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time

tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the

process

Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends

Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his

giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist

until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again

We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in

the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-

ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-

lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be

Ama zons)

The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door

I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour

feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean

ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said

We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not

about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same

ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As

kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon

I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower

water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the

high tide after being beached again and again

One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom

decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia

One of my new Olympian friends flicked a

match that started a fire inside my mattress I

tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking

Mom came home and we put the burning

bed outside

This isnrsquot a metaphor

I slept on the floor of my bedroom that

night missing the ocean of Grayland while my

mom and sister shared their bed in the room

next to mine The next morning my mattress

was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-

ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a

popular song on the radio at the time One of us

would start singing the lyrics

How can we dance when our earth is turning

and then wersquod all join in

How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh

But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame

Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-

land That no matter how many times we

were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty

porous flotation device on which to try to

reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe

even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the

way we did as something gia nt and limit less

something to be feared and conquered some-

thing to be moved by

In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a

flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called

my name and the light receded back down the

hall disappearing into the living room and

slipping out the front door

We discovered that the flickering light had

left wax shapes on the carpet of our living

room that could have been bad pentagrams or

the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It

left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot

take any money It left us wondering if some

past boyfriend had found us somehow

Whi le we were out the next day somebody

hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment

door Mom winced at the divots denting the

wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing

mechanism once was with her hand

We left the dishes in the sink

We left no forwarding address

We boarded a bus

Two days later we were on the doorstep of

the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with

a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my

backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase

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39 FallWinter 2015 Move

in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever

received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer

trophies in the other

At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude

who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-

thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been

there were two concave smooth-skinned div-

ots She was always smiling I liked watching

how Jude listened

Before long the four of us moved into an

apartment between Portland and Gresham It

was right on the MAX line and right on the city

line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-

landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign

that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block

to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch

my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but

Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the

perfect space for her She said it was easier for

her to know where everything was in a smaller

environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond

than an ocean

One day Jude brought her new boyfriend

home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo

ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said

Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor

and said ldquo White peoplerdquo

I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was

wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what

ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to

a blind person

Red is the rage in your gut

White is the entrapment of the disabled

One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend

and her room became a closet again

We saw her a little and then not at all

Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to

Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally

almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of

my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday

cards and pictures that were inside it

Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-

day cards away

My wife and I began archiving our new fam-

ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with

the rest of them Our sons grew I became an

uncle My grandfather remarried and went

crazy My mother still has the same smile she

had when I was young

Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a

bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple

of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary

There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help

you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear

Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie

each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out

If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads

directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end

points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably

guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock

between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled

and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long

by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of

human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of

the Mayan calendar

In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and

I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of

the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam

When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-

land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else

ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says

one night while wersquore lying in bed

And I do

I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that

had to happen I listen to our breath

In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I

make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My

finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving

And then the line disappears

And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and

falling together

Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the

Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life

Poems and Stories of the Dead

If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between

Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous

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Oregon Humanities40

READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts

One hundred moves and not one of

them associated with the military

a job or being on the run

The Ledger

Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G

through a yard sale I picked up an old

ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-

ance Company of New York A large thin hard-

bound ledger black with a red spine eleven

inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by

insurance agents to track insurers and their

policies all entries written by hand There was

only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty

cents the rest of the pages were blank After

years of treasuring its antiquity but making

no entries of my own I tore the one used page

out and decided to start tracking al l my moves

before my memory lost track I sat down and

recorded all the moves I remembered over one

hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my

parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them

associated with the military a job or being on

the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-

derlust and exploration then relationships

and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad

landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just

being unable as a single parent to bear the rent

and high heating bills Once my oldest son and

I landed in a decent house that could hold us

indefinitely After three months I was drawn to

cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted

to gather them touch them fill their empti-

ness with our lives When I realized what was

going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in

that house for two years then moved to Hawai i

Now the kids are grown the grandkids are

teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos

no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-

foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a

semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided

me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she

said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo

As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot

out of my feet and sink into the ground I was

so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here

three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot

want to move

What have I lea rned th rough al l these

moves Adaptability being and living in the

now and that there is glory in both staying and

moving but it is much easier and cheaper to

stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland

Out of the Nest

I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E

back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze

tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last

time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex

where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs

Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot

stepped inside the apartment for eight months

To do so would risk my life

ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-

tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February

I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following

weekmdashfor six months

Left behind with Michael were our surro-

gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy

and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned

starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier

It was last October when I first developed

symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-

ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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41 FallWinter 2015 Move

This is where the plates layers of crust

crashed into each other in a fiery show

perhaps tens of thousands of years ago

Soon breathing was excruciating I took

shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain

Paralyzing fatigue set in

My endocrinologist suspected chronic

obstructive pulmonary disease which made

little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I

began scouring descriptions of lung conditions

Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity

pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung

Relief and terror flooded in

If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-

monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a

terminal condition in which scarring causes

respiratory failure within three to five years

Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif

caught early But the solution is drastic We

would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-

ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even

be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the

parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would

have a new ending

Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms

lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper

grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-

pice moments before plummeting

Today we are moving the last of our belong-

ings into our first house The kitties and birdies

have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed

While I cannot hold my babies I watch them

on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the

two-way speaker

From rescue feedings to teenage angst to

nighttime vigils during illness in caring for

these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging

from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety

Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey

take their first tentative steps toward flight

Today I learned the most painful lesson let-

ting go

MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene

Subduction Zones

T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK

were on an af ternoon in early Septem-

ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for

the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper

and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our

ankles

Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-

berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend

and is directly responsible for the creation of

Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back

then one that I sometimes imagined looked

like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus

Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of

the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale

their name suggests but the result of plates

shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-

tion led to the formation of the trio This is

where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into

each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-

sands of years ago Subduction zones are places

where great trauma lies

And here I was all these years later in the

shadows of these mountains loss everywhere

Later that day back at our apartment we

walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit

into anymore For more than a year we went

through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern

Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that

followed us Then one day our four-year-old

daughter started a conversation that shook me

ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo

I nodded

ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so

sadrdquo

Six words leapt at me

ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo

We moved back to Ash land where brig ht

red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-

hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot

know it then but we were charting our own

map however imperfect Healing crept up on

us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-

ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew

Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng

up the darkness Seventeen years passed

And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most

folks want to flee helps you see things more

clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in

its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along

VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities42POSTS

continued from previous page

Just to

underscore

how settled we

planned to be

we unpacked

EverythingEven the

heirloom china

which had never

before left its

boxes We were

here to stay

Dance Church

SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I

go to church Dance church A church

where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers

to recite A church where at first glance outsid-

ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon

arriving I see a few little munchkins running

around with oversize neon headphones on to

protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music

set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with

rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors

There are flowers candles pillow puddles

beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some

kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in

alignment with the morningrsquos intention

As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s

become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-

tainer in which I can move once again after

years of chronic freezing and dissociating A

trapped animal released back into the wild

wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom

in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism

evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with

anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our

spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist

The music awakens the holy spirit within

me and dances me through throngs of people

I am an antelope cut loose checking out the

creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns

bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms

Each stunning in their authentic movement I

see people falling in love with each other from

a distance I see a girl rocking four different

Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed

like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands

ldquopracticing dancingrdquo

This is the church of Miriam the biblical

tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of

years later I move here and I am reunited with

my self my best self my most curious mischie-

vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self

Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten

invited back in the room to whip her hair back

and forth I throw my head back in delight and

laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like

hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form

of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music

EMILY I BEDAL Portland

Again

M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R

upwardly mobile engineer That trans-

lated into at least one move per year until I was

eight and another address for high school I

moved every year in college one year twice I

moved three times during my first stint in Bos-

ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-

ment for the whole two years Then it was back

to Boston where I lived in five different homes

in five years

Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for

the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe

two years back East then back to New Mexico

in two different cities three different homes

Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates

what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo

From Albuquerque we moved to our present

home in Port Orford my thirt ieth

Moving has always been exciting cathar-

tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books

by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally

donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-

ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated

magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets

ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit

thatrsquos never happened In each new house

wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos

never worked

We vowed Port Orford would be our final

ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore

how settled we planned to be we unpacked

Everything Even the heirloom china which

had never before left its boxes We were here

to stay

Except it seems wersquore going to have to move

again but not for the exciting futures wersquod

always envisioned before Now we need doctors

and hospitals and a nearby airport for family

visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is

on the other side of adventure Now we need a

place to feel safe secure

So the sorting and throwing out is about to

begin yet again There are closets and drawers

that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to

dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of

booksmdashto give away This move exciting No

way The very thought of it exhausts me

Still those other feelings cathartic freeing

new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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43 FallWinter 2015 Move

Next theme Root

For the Spring 2016 issue tell

us your stories about rooting

around taking root being

uprooted or root-bound getting

to the root of a problem being

the root of the problem rooting

someone on Share stories and

ideas about beginnings origins

and foundations Analyze a

historical or contemporary

grassroots effort Describe

the tension between staying

put and being stuck Send your

submission (400 words maxi-

mum) by February 15 2016 to

postsoregonhumanitiesorg

Submissions may be edited for

space or clarity

Listen to Your Body

I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y

motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease

Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit

and spot-on timing Though she was confined

to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was

still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her

sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-

cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone

have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but

aching joints diminished strength and a fal-

tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back

Those maladies werenrsquot the result of

chronic disease More like lack of exercise At

some point in the past decade or so I developed

an aversion to any fitness routine That choice

has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo

class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community

Center

Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the

center for the past thirty-six years teaches

the dance-infused workout three days a week

Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at

the core of each class She dispenses praise as

we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform

deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements

and she encourages each of us to breathe and

listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably

youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying

ballet seriously By then her versatility as an

actress singer dancer and comedian had been

evident in community theater productions in

the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although

not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few

years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe

continues to lead a full life She can still stand

and press her palms flat to the floor despite

relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip

notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg

and stretch at the barre

A role model for agi ng wit h presence and

dignity Lynn maintains her considerable

charm and elegance and purposely keeps her

body and mind active Like my mother she

is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has

inspired me to accept what my body can do

today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow

Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for

getting up in the morning And by some mea-

sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE

Portland

Over the Hill

I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D

eleven times in three years I worked spring

through fall as a natural history guide in

Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure

where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned

into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply

moved around A lot With each new tempo-

rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked

clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was

nothing

At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the

person who would become my life partner

another seasonal worker We would move from

Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We

lived one magical off-season on a houseboat

on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the

ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught

me I loved wide-open spaces What could be

wider than the Pacific A fter one more season

of guiding I came back to the coast and decided

to stay

I volunteered my way into one steady job

and eventually landed another at the local

college After a few more seasons my partner

came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota

and we bought another together He built a

business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our

hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and

had a child Wersquod officially settled down

The economic hardships of rural living

however are real job opportunities decline

and can no longer support the life wersquove built

The accumulation of years no longer fits into

the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner

took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast

and we lived as a split family The split was tax-

ing though so we decided to make the move

to the city We left the first community of our

adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven

ourselves The only community our daughter

has even known Friends asked me not to go

Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart

still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the

sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes

at the memory of that moon over Tillamook

Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot

nothingmdashitrsquos every thing

NANCY SLAVIN Portland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities44

Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm

LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015

This intertwined story of two

teenage girls and their mothers

is set in New Orleans during

and after Hurricane Katrina

In her debut novel Urbani an

Oregon writer with Southern

roots brings a maternal touch

to the narrative handling trag-

edy with a careful soulfulness

and love This honest yet brutal

story will simultaneously break

and warm your heart

mdashAnnie Kaffen

At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015

Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French

Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the

Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural

French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-

tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans

and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a

snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland

Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015

Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the

Oregon physician and radicalrsquos

extraordinary experiences

from her early years working in

a textile mill in New Bedford

Massachusetts through her

activist years in Oregon includ-

ing a three-year term at San

Quentin State Prison Equi lived

openly as a lesbian beginning in

the 1890s and was one of the

first practicing female doctors

in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and

compassion for others with a

strong personal belief in social

and economic justice

mdashCarole Shel lhart

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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45 FallWinter 2015 Move

People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015

This debut collection from

Portland writer Margaret

Malone is filled with brief

bitterly funny stories about the

sort of people who tie them-

selves in knots in their heads

and feel uncomfortable in their

own skin and can never quite

bring themselves to say the

words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point

includes all of us

mdashBen Waterhouse

The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015

Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer

The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with

Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research

for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the

first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of

revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced

a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer

in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he

writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo

mdashMaggie Starr

To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for

Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon

Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205

Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe

Sasquatch Books 2015

Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter

Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt

to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography

in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers

a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden

rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance

sounds smells and much more

mdashBen Waterhouse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities46

Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson

February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum

1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg

CROPPINGS

Wendy Red Star Untitled

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities programs are

funded by the National Endowment

for the Humanities and the Oregon

Cultural Trust and by contributions from

individuals foundations community

organizations and corporations For

more information about Oregon

Humanities or to learn how you can help

more Oregonians get together share

ideas listen think and grow please

contact us at

921 SW Washington Street Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax

(503) 241-0024

ohmoregonhumanitiesorg

oregonhumanitiesorg

Staff

e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r

Adam Davis

facilitation and tra ining manager

Rachel Bernstein

communicationsprogram associate

Eloise Holland

editorassociate director

Kathleen Holt

development director

Kamla Hurst

program officer

Annie Kaffen

office manager

Mikaela Schey

director of finance and oper ations

Carole Shellhart

development associate

Maggie Starr

communications associate

Ben Waterhouse

program coordinator

Kyle Weismann-Yee

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4848

Board of Directorsch a i r

Sona Karentz Andrews Portland

v ic e ch a i r

Janet Webster Newport

tr e a s u r e r

Jeff Cronn Portland

secretary

Matthew Boulay Salem

Paul Duden Portland

Kimberly Howard Portland

Nels Johnson Portland

Emily Karr Portland

Shannon Mara Bend

Win McCormack Portland

Alberto Moreno Portland

Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego

Ron Paul Portland

Denise Reed Astoria

Chantal Strobel Bend

Dave Weich Portland

Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED

Non-profit Org

US Postage

PAID

Permit No 1274

Portland OR

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities26

Measures through the Oregon SystemIN OREGON voters have three distinct but related ways to affect

changes to state laws and the Oregon Constitutionmdashinitiative ref-

erendum and referral An initiative lets petitioners put a proposed

law or amendment on the statewide ballot to be approved or

rejected by voters A referendum lets petitioners put a law already

passed by the legislature up for a vote of the people Finally a

referral occurs when legislators send an issue to the ballot rather

than voting on it themselves Ninety-one percent of Oregon vot-

ers approved this system in 1902

This illustration looks at the paths of two measures 16 an

initiative on physician-assisted suicide and 88 a referendum on

a law passed by the Oregon legislature that would have provided

driversrsquo licenses to Oregonians without requiring proof of legal

documentation of US citizenship status

1 Measure 16 State Senator Frank Roberts introduces three

ldquoDeath with Dignityrdquo bills none make it out of committee (1990)

Measure 88 SB 833 passes in senate 20ndash7 and house 38ndash20 Text

of the bill reads in part ldquoThe Department of Transportation shall

issue renew or replace a driver card without requiring a person to

provide proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Apr 2013)

2 Measure 88 Governor Kitzhaber signs the bill into law with effec-

tive date of January 1 2014 (May 1 2013)

3 Measure 16 Peter Goodwin of Portland Barbara Coombs of

Portland and Elven O Sinnard of Lake Oswego file an initiative

petition (Dec 1993) Measure 88 Richard F LaMountain State

Senator Kim Thatcher of Keizer and State Representative Sal

Esquivel of Medford file a referendum petition seeking to overturnthe law (May 8 2013)

4 Measure 16 77151 signatures are verified and the measure is

certified with the following language ldquoAllows Terminally Ill Adults

to Obtain Prescription for Lethal Drugsrdquo (July 1994) Measure 88

58921 signatures are verified meeting the 4 percent threshold

of number of votes cast in the previous election for governor to

qualify for the ballot and the measure is certified with the follow-

ing language ldquoProvides Oregon resident lsquodriver cardrsquo without

requiring proof of legal presence in the United Statesrdquo (Oct to

Dec 2013)

5 Measure 16 Passes 627980 to 596018 (Nov 1994) Measure 88

Fails 983576 to 506751 overturning the law signed by Governor

Kitzhaber in May 2013 (Nov 2014)

6 Measure 16 Oregon Legislative Assembly refers Measure 51

to the people in an attempt to repeal the law Measure 51 fails

666275 to 445830 (Nov 1997) US Attorney General John Ash-

croft tries to suspend the licenses to prescribe drugs covered

by the Controlled Substances Act of doctors who prescribed

lethal drugs under Oregonrsquos law A federal judge blocks the move

(2003)

7 Measure 16 The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals affirms the block

saying the ldquoAttorney General lacked Congressrsquo requisite authori-

zationrdquo (2004) The US Supreme Court hears arguments in the

case of Oregon v Gonzales The Bush administrationrsquos Solicitor

General Paul Clement challenges Oregonrsquos right to regulate the

practice of prescribing federally banned substances (2005) The

US Supreme Court votes 6ndash3 to uphold Oregonrsquos assisted suicide

law in the case of Oregon v Gonzales (2006) mdashEG

Eric Gold is a Portland-based freelance writer

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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27 FallWinter 2015 Move

SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137

983158983151983145983139983141

N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -

room closet I came across a box of old family photographs

I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color

photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-

ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five

standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie

primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos

hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-

tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against

the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But

the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a

frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat

in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple

of the Sun

A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -

graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one

end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both

L A I L A L A L A M I

Al-Mursquoallaqat

The GoldenOdes of Love

J E N W I C K S T U D I O

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities28

of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels

science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-

raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to

love books so much perhaps books provided them an education

about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing

from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches

that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-

ing the reign of King Hassan

It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned

to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed

copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from

friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about

whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-

drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new

offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte

which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne

Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others

Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les

petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why

the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion

Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which

the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to

either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan

tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three

Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords

and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo

Of course none of the characters in these books looked or

spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly

all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan

bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their

homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my

own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they

had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary

world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an

alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define

normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like

my country my imagination had been colonized

I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly

the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-

acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the

fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled

my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high

school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes

where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-

yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as

well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father

said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it

was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted

D RISS C H RAI BI

LA

CI VI LISA TIO N

MA M E R E

PAR

ALEXANDRE DUMAS

Taha Hussein

THE

DA YS

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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29 FallWinter 2015 Move

When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same

school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum

el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine

At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were

taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled

with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still

the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-

language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from

the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi

al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the

Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese

Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-

moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some

of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved

each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a

classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-

els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan

authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-

tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren

It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read

adult literature on my own and independently from school that

I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-

ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos

La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a

sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin

Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book

that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment

of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read

lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was

as fertile ground for fiction as any other

And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature

nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in

French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after

all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-

latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss

Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was

ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a

particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made

it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I

was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train

in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco

medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-

ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my

hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat

or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-

matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely

be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study

linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in

a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in

an analytica l way

Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in

Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship

to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait

I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and

racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School

of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work

of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went

back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how

often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes

Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in

our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in

formal soireacutees French was de rigueur

Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-

guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles

and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in

English which made me think even more about the relationship

between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a

prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power

an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people

The education I had received had emphasized the importance

of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our

media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the

shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed

in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored

by the French government for free access to books The role of

Every time I went back

to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much

and how often we moved

between French and

Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not

went through life

switching between codes

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Oregon Humanities30

French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a

cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no

longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case

of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should

not be writing at all

I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish

after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried

to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of

me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that

stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have

immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the

native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow

me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred

to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic

languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought

Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my

days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use

English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the

linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh

perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a

child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-

gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the

same story

I have always written because I have always had the urge to

tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided

that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-

thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my

race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-

larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while

the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and

waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had

enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos

phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-

rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat

seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of

others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the

works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s

such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in

the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and

sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing

graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had

always told stories but now I wanted to be heard

This essay was first published in World Literature Today

Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami

Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The

Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The

Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy

Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for

Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016

Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16

and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for

more information and to buy tickets

Writing in French came

at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial

baggage that I no longer

wanted to carry I started

to suffer from a peculiar

case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic

perhaps I should not be

writing at all

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31 FallWinter 2015 Move

A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good

LORETTA STINSON

I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M

every day after work waiting for Bruce to

get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching

myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me

sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on

from a distance at whatever is happening to

me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie

and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-

kick of the star or I play a supporting role but

I am definitely not the star of this movie The

moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom

just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been

able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed

freak for fifteen years

Sun through the small rectangular win-

dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats

wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in

1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from

the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom

watchi ng my past present a nd future selves

do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental

after another waiting for the next bad thing

to happen and not getting out of the way even

when I see it coming The habit of living in con-

stant fear and the resignation that nothing can

ever change are the glue that holds me in place

This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting

on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on

Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on

hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the

future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who

can only be counted on not to be counted on

In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses

and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about

J U L I A N N A B R I O N

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Oregon Humanities32

detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot

change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-

ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what

the old-timers were saying Needless to say

I didnrsquot

Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go

home and try some new strategy to make Bruce

quit using I once read a book about how sugar

was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding

him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein

diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck

them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat

and beer is a very filling meal in itself When

he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put

in front of him but speed and alcohol are his

drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-

ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never

remembers what he does to me and since he

doesnrsquot remember I have to forget

It be what it be Bruce says about all things

unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color

electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it

be Today I see things clearly for the first time

Today I see myself on this couch waiting for

someone else to do the changing Today I see

that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be

my life until the day he kills me or he dies or

I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been

disappointed too many times Addiction his to

drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove

been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot

see my part until now

My only friend has been telling me for

months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I

have left many times for a day or a week but

Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop

drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs

to me for the first time that this is absurd and a

huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe

itrsquos me who needs to change and not because

that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction

is his business

Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll

be wasted because it was payday and most of

his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-

ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood

alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or

hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how

those will interact with his mood the kind of

day he had and if hersquos eaten

None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for

such a long time that I could Like every person

who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that

if I did all the right things I would figure out a

way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on

his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine

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33 FallWinter 2015 Move

I worked like some kind of crazy statistician

making up story problems to predict what he

might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job

and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without

eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito

at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos

left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going

to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-

ing home mistakes his second wife for his first

wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out

Please show your work

I have never been able to figure out the rec-

ipe for equilibrium His or mine

Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce

comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not

wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face

slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat

the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says

Itrsquos not really a question but I answer

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him

clearly for the first time I see his addiction in

action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have

nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest

thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can

do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look

at him for too long when hersquos been drinking

kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash

you just back away slowly and try not to piss

him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows

too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how

little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs

to believe because he has to be mad at some-

one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom

just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by

the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about

nothing that it was never my face that pissed

him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He

needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave

to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do

no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a

revelation

He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you

looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on

the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-

spread that covers its stained sagging cush-

ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier

mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore

afraid when hersquos like this and they should be

Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that

hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what

if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already

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Oregon Humanities34

dead or at least not living just existing on the

edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story

Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom

suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am

afraid of being killed

I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to

make a home The china teacups that I str ung

together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks

in the window like a mobile The plants my

booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the

sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the

bed my dad and I refinished before I left home

The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday

The fifteen years of history we have together

one year short of half my life tonight not all of

it bad He is no monster just a man struggling

wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to

face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo

He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo

He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo

Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He

screams them at me knowing how in the past

these are the very words that made me cling to

him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go

Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but

this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest

the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about

his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does

Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom

seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man

Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried

to help for his own good right This man Irsquove

tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody

made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when

I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself

Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the

usual responseI know three things tonight Number one

If I stay this will be my life until I die Number

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Oregon Humanities36

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37 FallWinter 2015 Move

M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN

he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline

somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and

believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he

turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean

for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees

in rows

My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home

at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York

City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for

rows of buildings

ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says

In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark

skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the

Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n

My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I

met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo

My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too

often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance

of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He

was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister

a year later

My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my

father a suit They seem happy in the picture

Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put

half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband

My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years

My grandmother died

All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a

life rocked with waves

P A I G E

V I C K E R S

JASON ARI AS

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Oregon Humanities38

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have

let that slip through thecracksrdquo

My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes

My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why

Grandma was hiding

Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here

To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-

vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where

we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We

have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo

I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened

My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next

closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed

a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time

tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the

process

Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends

Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his

giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist

until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again

We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in

the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-

ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-

lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be

Ama zons)

The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door

I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour

feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean

ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said

We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not

about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same

ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As

kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon

I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower

water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the

high tide after being beached again and again

One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom

decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia

One of my new Olympian friends flicked a

match that started a fire inside my mattress I

tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking

Mom came home and we put the burning

bed outside

This isnrsquot a metaphor

I slept on the floor of my bedroom that

night missing the ocean of Grayland while my

mom and sister shared their bed in the room

next to mine The next morning my mattress

was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-

ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a

popular song on the radio at the time One of us

would start singing the lyrics

How can we dance when our earth is turning

and then wersquod all join in

How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh

But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame

Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-

land That no matter how many times we

were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty

porous flotation device on which to try to

reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe

even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the

way we did as something gia nt and limit less

something to be feared and conquered some-

thing to be moved by

In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a

flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called

my name and the light receded back down the

hall disappearing into the living room and

slipping out the front door

We discovered that the flickering light had

left wax shapes on the carpet of our living

room that could have been bad pentagrams or

the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It

left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot

take any money It left us wondering if some

past boyfriend had found us somehow

Whi le we were out the next day somebody

hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment

door Mom winced at the divots denting the

wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing

mechanism once was with her hand

We left the dishes in the sink

We left no forwarding address

We boarded a bus

Two days later we were on the doorstep of

the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with

a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my

backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase

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39 FallWinter 2015 Move

in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever

received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer

trophies in the other

At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude

who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-

thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been

there were two concave smooth-skinned div-

ots She was always smiling I liked watching

how Jude listened

Before long the four of us moved into an

apartment between Portland and Gresham It

was right on the MAX line and right on the city

line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-

landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign

that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block

to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch

my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but

Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the

perfect space for her She said it was easier for

her to know where everything was in a smaller

environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond

than an ocean

One day Jude brought her new boyfriend

home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo

ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said

Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor

and said ldquo White peoplerdquo

I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was

wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what

ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to

a blind person

Red is the rage in your gut

White is the entrapment of the disabled

One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend

and her room became a closet again

We saw her a little and then not at all

Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to

Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally

almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of

my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday

cards and pictures that were inside it

Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-

day cards away

My wife and I began archiving our new fam-

ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with

the rest of them Our sons grew I became an

uncle My grandfather remarried and went

crazy My mother still has the same smile she

had when I was young

Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a

bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple

of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary

There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help

you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear

Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie

each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out

If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads

directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end

points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably

guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock

between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled

and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long

by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of

human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of

the Mayan calendar

In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and

I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of

the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam

When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-

land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else

ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says

one night while wersquore lying in bed

And I do

I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that

had to happen I listen to our breath

In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I

make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My

finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving

And then the line disappears

And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and

falling together

Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the

Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life

Poems and Stories of the Dead

If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between

Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous

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Oregon Humanities40

READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts

One hundred moves and not one of

them associated with the military

a job or being on the run

The Ledger

Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G

through a yard sale I picked up an old

ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-

ance Company of New York A large thin hard-

bound ledger black with a red spine eleven

inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by

insurance agents to track insurers and their

policies all entries written by hand There was

only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty

cents the rest of the pages were blank After

years of treasuring its antiquity but making

no entries of my own I tore the one used page

out and decided to start tracking al l my moves

before my memory lost track I sat down and

recorded all the moves I remembered over one

hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my

parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them

associated with the military a job or being on

the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-

derlust and exploration then relationships

and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad

landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just

being unable as a single parent to bear the rent

and high heating bills Once my oldest son and

I landed in a decent house that could hold us

indefinitely After three months I was drawn to

cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted

to gather them touch them fill their empti-

ness with our lives When I realized what was

going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in

that house for two years then moved to Hawai i

Now the kids are grown the grandkids are

teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos

no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-

foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a

semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided

me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she

said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo

As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot

out of my feet and sink into the ground I was

so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here

three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot

want to move

What have I lea rned th rough al l these

moves Adaptability being and living in the

now and that there is glory in both staying and

moving but it is much easier and cheaper to

stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland

Out of the Nest

I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E

back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze

tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last

time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex

where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs

Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot

stepped inside the apartment for eight months

To do so would risk my life

ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-

tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February

I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following

weekmdashfor six months

Left behind with Michael were our surro-

gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy

and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned

starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier

It was last October when I first developed

symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-

ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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41 FallWinter 2015 Move

This is where the plates layers of crust

crashed into each other in a fiery show

perhaps tens of thousands of years ago

Soon breathing was excruciating I took

shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain

Paralyzing fatigue set in

My endocrinologist suspected chronic

obstructive pulmonary disease which made

little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I

began scouring descriptions of lung conditions

Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity

pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung

Relief and terror flooded in

If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-

monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a

terminal condition in which scarring causes

respiratory failure within three to five years

Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif

caught early But the solution is drastic We

would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-

ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even

be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the

parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would

have a new ending

Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms

lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper

grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-

pice moments before plummeting

Today we are moving the last of our belong-

ings into our first house The kitties and birdies

have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed

While I cannot hold my babies I watch them

on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the

two-way speaker

From rescue feedings to teenage angst to

nighttime vigils during illness in caring for

these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging

from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety

Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey

take their first tentative steps toward flight

Today I learned the most painful lesson let-

ting go

MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene

Subduction Zones

T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK

were on an af ternoon in early Septem-

ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for

the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper

and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our

ankles

Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-

berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend

and is directly responsible for the creation of

Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back

then one that I sometimes imagined looked

like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus

Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of

the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale

their name suggests but the result of plates

shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-

tion led to the formation of the trio This is

where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into

each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-

sands of years ago Subduction zones are places

where great trauma lies

And here I was all these years later in the

shadows of these mountains loss everywhere

Later that day back at our apartment we

walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit

into anymore For more than a year we went

through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern

Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that

followed us Then one day our four-year-old

daughter started a conversation that shook me

ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo

I nodded

ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so

sadrdquo

Six words leapt at me

ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo

We moved back to Ash land where brig ht

red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-

hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot

know it then but we were charting our own

map however imperfect Healing crept up on

us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-

ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew

Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng

up the darkness Seventeen years passed

And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most

folks want to flee helps you see things more

clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in

its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along

VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities42POSTS

continued from previous page

Just to

underscore

how settled we

planned to be

we unpacked

EverythingEven the

heirloom china

which had never

before left its

boxes We were

here to stay

Dance Church

SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I

go to church Dance church A church

where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers

to recite A church where at first glance outsid-

ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon

arriving I see a few little munchkins running

around with oversize neon headphones on to

protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music

set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with

rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors

There are flowers candles pillow puddles

beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some

kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in

alignment with the morningrsquos intention

As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s

become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-

tainer in which I can move once again after

years of chronic freezing and dissociating A

trapped animal released back into the wild

wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom

in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism

evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with

anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our

spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist

The music awakens the holy spirit within

me and dances me through throngs of people

I am an antelope cut loose checking out the

creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns

bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms

Each stunning in their authentic movement I

see people falling in love with each other from

a distance I see a girl rocking four different

Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed

like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands

ldquopracticing dancingrdquo

This is the church of Miriam the biblical

tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of

years later I move here and I am reunited with

my self my best self my most curious mischie-

vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self

Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten

invited back in the room to whip her hair back

and forth I throw my head back in delight and

laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like

hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form

of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music

EMILY I BEDAL Portland

Again

M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R

upwardly mobile engineer That trans-

lated into at least one move per year until I was

eight and another address for high school I

moved every year in college one year twice I

moved three times during my first stint in Bos-

ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-

ment for the whole two years Then it was back

to Boston where I lived in five different homes

in five years

Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for

the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe

two years back East then back to New Mexico

in two different cities three different homes

Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates

what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo

From Albuquerque we moved to our present

home in Port Orford my thirt ieth

Moving has always been exciting cathar-

tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books

by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally

donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-

ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated

magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets

ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit

thatrsquos never happened In each new house

wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos

never worked

We vowed Port Orford would be our final

ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore

how settled we planned to be we unpacked

Everything Even the heirloom china which

had never before left its boxes We were here

to stay

Except it seems wersquore going to have to move

again but not for the exciting futures wersquod

always envisioned before Now we need doctors

and hospitals and a nearby airport for family

visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is

on the other side of adventure Now we need a

place to feel safe secure

So the sorting and throwing out is about to

begin yet again There are closets and drawers

that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to

dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of

booksmdashto give away This move exciting No

way The very thought of it exhausts me

Still those other feelings cathartic freeing

new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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43 FallWinter 2015 Move

Next theme Root

For the Spring 2016 issue tell

us your stories about rooting

around taking root being

uprooted or root-bound getting

to the root of a problem being

the root of the problem rooting

someone on Share stories and

ideas about beginnings origins

and foundations Analyze a

historical or contemporary

grassroots effort Describe

the tension between staying

put and being stuck Send your

submission (400 words maxi-

mum) by February 15 2016 to

postsoregonhumanitiesorg

Submissions may be edited for

space or clarity

Listen to Your Body

I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y

motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease

Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit

and spot-on timing Though she was confined

to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was

still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her

sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-

cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone

have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but

aching joints diminished strength and a fal-

tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back

Those maladies werenrsquot the result of

chronic disease More like lack of exercise At

some point in the past decade or so I developed

an aversion to any fitness routine That choice

has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo

class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community

Center

Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the

center for the past thirty-six years teaches

the dance-infused workout three days a week

Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at

the core of each class She dispenses praise as

we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform

deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements

and she encourages each of us to breathe and

listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably

youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying

ballet seriously By then her versatility as an

actress singer dancer and comedian had been

evident in community theater productions in

the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although

not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few

years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe

continues to lead a full life She can still stand

and press her palms flat to the floor despite

relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip

notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg

and stretch at the barre

A role model for agi ng wit h presence and

dignity Lynn maintains her considerable

charm and elegance and purposely keeps her

body and mind active Like my mother she

is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has

inspired me to accept what my body can do

today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow

Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for

getting up in the morning And by some mea-

sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE

Portland

Over the Hill

I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D

eleven times in three years I worked spring

through fall as a natural history guide in

Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure

where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned

into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply

moved around A lot With each new tempo-

rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked

clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was

nothing

At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the

person who would become my life partner

another seasonal worker We would move from

Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We

lived one magical off-season on a houseboat

on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the

ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught

me I loved wide-open spaces What could be

wider than the Pacific A fter one more season

of guiding I came back to the coast and decided

to stay

I volunteered my way into one steady job

and eventually landed another at the local

college After a few more seasons my partner

came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota

and we bought another together He built a

business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our

hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and

had a child Wersquod officially settled down

The economic hardships of rural living

however are real job opportunities decline

and can no longer support the life wersquove built

The accumulation of years no longer fits into

the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner

took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast

and we lived as a split family The split was tax-

ing though so we decided to make the move

to the city We left the first community of our

adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven

ourselves The only community our daughter

has even known Friends asked me not to go

Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart

still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the

sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes

at the memory of that moon over Tillamook

Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot

nothingmdashitrsquos every thing

NANCY SLAVIN Portland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities44

Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm

LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015

This intertwined story of two

teenage girls and their mothers

is set in New Orleans during

and after Hurricane Katrina

In her debut novel Urbani an

Oregon writer with Southern

roots brings a maternal touch

to the narrative handling trag-

edy with a careful soulfulness

and love This honest yet brutal

story will simultaneously break

and warm your heart

mdashAnnie Kaffen

At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015

Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French

Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the

Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural

French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-

tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans

and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a

snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland

Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015

Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the

Oregon physician and radicalrsquos

extraordinary experiences

from her early years working in

a textile mill in New Bedford

Massachusetts through her

activist years in Oregon includ-

ing a three-year term at San

Quentin State Prison Equi lived

openly as a lesbian beginning in

the 1890s and was one of the

first practicing female doctors

in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and

compassion for others with a

strong personal belief in social

and economic justice

mdashCarole Shel lhart

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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45 FallWinter 2015 Move

People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015

This debut collection from

Portland writer Margaret

Malone is filled with brief

bitterly funny stories about the

sort of people who tie them-

selves in knots in their heads

and feel uncomfortable in their

own skin and can never quite

bring themselves to say the

words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point

includes all of us

mdashBen Waterhouse

The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015

Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer

The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with

Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research

for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the

first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of

revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced

a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer

in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he

writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo

mdashMaggie Starr

To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for

Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon

Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205

Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe

Sasquatch Books 2015

Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter

Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt

to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography

in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers

a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden

rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance

sounds smells and much more

mdashBen Waterhouse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4648

Oregon Humanities46

Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson

February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum

1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg

CROPPINGS

Wendy Red Star Untitled

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities programs are

funded by the National Endowment

for the Humanities and the Oregon

Cultural Trust and by contributions from

individuals foundations community

organizations and corporations For

more information about Oregon

Humanities or to learn how you can help

more Oregonians get together share

ideas listen think and grow please

contact us at

921 SW Washington Street Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax

(503) 241-0024

ohmoregonhumanitiesorg

oregonhumanitiesorg

Staff

e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r

Adam Davis

facilitation and tra ining manager

Rachel Bernstein

communicationsprogram associate

Eloise Holland

editorassociate director

Kathleen Holt

development director

Kamla Hurst

program officer

Annie Kaffen

office manager

Mikaela Schey

director of finance and oper ations

Carole Shellhart

development associate

Maggie Starr

communications associate

Ben Waterhouse

program coordinator

Kyle Weismann-Yee

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Board of Directorsch a i r

Sona Karentz Andrews Portland

v ic e ch a i r

Janet Webster Newport

tr e a s u r e r

Jeff Cronn Portland

secretary

Matthew Boulay Salem

Paul Duden Portland

Kimberly Howard Portland

Nels Johnson Portland

Emily Karr Portland

Shannon Mara Bend

Win McCormack Portland

Alberto Moreno Portland

Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego

Ron Paul Portland

Denise Reed Astoria

Chantal Strobel Bend

Dave Weich Portland

Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED

Non-profit Org

US Postage

PAID

Permit No 1274

Portland OR

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27 FallWinter 2015 Move

SO TO SPEAK983117983151983158983145983150983143 983138983141983156983159983141983141983150 983148983137983150983143983157983137983143983141983155 983156983151 983142983145983150983140 983137

983158983151983145983139983141

N O T L O N G A G O W H I L E C L E A N I N G O U T M Y B E D -

room closet I came across a box of old family photographs

I had tied the black-and-white snapshots dog-eared color

photos and scratched Polaroids in small bundles before mov-

ing from Morocco to the United States There I was at age five

standing with my friend Nabil outside Sainte Marguerite-Marie

primary school in Rabat at age nine holding on to my fatherrsquos

hand and squinting at the sun while on vacation in the hill sta-

tion of Imouzzer at age eleven leaning with my mother against

the limestone lion sculpture in Ifra ne in the Middle Atlas But

the picture I pulled out from the bundles and displayed in a

frame on my desk was the one in which I was six years old and sat

in our living room w ith my head buried in Tintin and the Temple

of the Sun

A great many of my chi ldhood memories like this photo -

graph feature books Every night my father would sit on one

end of the living-room divan and my mother on the other both

L A I L A L A L A M I

Al-Mursquoallaqat

The GoldenOdes of Love

J E N W I C K S T U D I O

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities28

of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels

science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-

raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to

love books so much perhaps books provided them an education

about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing

from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches

that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-

ing the reign of King Hassan

It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned

to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed

copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from

friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about

whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-

drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new

offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte

which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne

Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others

Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les

petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why

the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion

Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which

the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to

either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan

tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three

Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords

and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo

Of course none of the characters in these books looked or

spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly

all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan

bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their

homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my

own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they

had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary

world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an

alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define

normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like

my country my imagination had been colonized

I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly

the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-

acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the

fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled

my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high

school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes

where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-

yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as

well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father

said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it

was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted

D RISS C H RAI BI

LA

CI VI LISA TIO N

MA M E R E

PAR

ALEXANDRE DUMAS

Taha Hussein

THE

DA YS

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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29 FallWinter 2015 Move

When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same

school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum

el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine

At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were

taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled

with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still

the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-

language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from

the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi

al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the

Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese

Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-

moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some

of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved

each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a

classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-

els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan

authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-

tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren

It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read

adult literature on my own and independently from school that

I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-

ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos

La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a

sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin

Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book

that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment

of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read

lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was

as fertile ground for fiction as any other

And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature

nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in

French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after

all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-

latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss

Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was

ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a

particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made

it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I

was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train

in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco

medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-

ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my

hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat

or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-

matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely

be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study

linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in

a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in

an analytica l way

Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in

Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship

to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait

I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and

racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School

of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work

of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went

back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how

often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes

Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in

our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in

formal soireacutees French was de rigueur

Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-

guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles

and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in

English which made me think even more about the relationship

between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a

prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power

an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people

The education I had received had emphasized the importance

of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our

media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the

shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed

in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored

by the French government for free access to books The role of

Every time I went back

to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much

and how often we moved

between French and

Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not

went through life

switching between codes

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Oregon Humanities30

French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a

cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no

longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case

of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should

not be writing at all

I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish

after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried

to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of

me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that

stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have

immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the

native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow

me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred

to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic

languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought

Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my

days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use

English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the

linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh

perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a

child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-

gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the

same story

I have always written because I have always had the urge to

tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided

that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-

thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my

race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-

larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while

the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and

waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had

enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos

phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-

rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat

seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of

others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the

works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s

such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in

the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and

sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing

graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had

always told stories but now I wanted to be heard

This essay was first published in World Literature Today

Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami

Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The

Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The

Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy

Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for

Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016

Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16

and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for

more information and to buy tickets

Writing in French came

at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial

baggage that I no longer

wanted to carry I started

to suffer from a peculiar

case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic

perhaps I should not be

writing at all

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31 FallWinter 2015 Move

A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good

LORETTA STINSON

I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M

every day after work waiting for Bruce to

get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching

myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me

sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on

from a distance at whatever is happening to

me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie

and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-

kick of the star or I play a supporting role but

I am definitely not the star of this movie The

moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom

just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been

able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed

freak for fifteen years

Sun through the small rectangular win-

dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats

wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in

1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from

the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom

watchi ng my past present a nd future selves

do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental

after another waiting for the next bad thing

to happen and not getting out of the way even

when I see it coming The habit of living in con-

stant fear and the resignation that nothing can

ever change are the glue that holds me in place

This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting

on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on

Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on

hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the

future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who

can only be counted on not to be counted on

In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses

and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about

J U L I A N N A B R I O N

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Oregon Humanities32

detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot

change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-

ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what

the old-timers were saying Needless to say

I didnrsquot

Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go

home and try some new strategy to make Bruce

quit using I once read a book about how sugar

was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding

him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein

diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck

them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat

and beer is a very filling meal in itself When

he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put

in front of him but speed and alcohol are his

drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-

ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never

remembers what he does to me and since he

doesnrsquot remember I have to forget

It be what it be Bruce says about all things

unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color

electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it

be Today I see things clearly for the first time

Today I see myself on this couch waiting for

someone else to do the changing Today I see

that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be

my life until the day he kills me or he dies or

I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been

disappointed too many times Addiction his to

drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove

been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot

see my part until now

My only friend has been telling me for

months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I

have left many times for a day or a week but

Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop

drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs

to me for the first time that this is absurd and a

huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe

itrsquos me who needs to change and not because

that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction

is his business

Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll

be wasted because it was payday and most of

his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-

ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood

alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or

hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how

those will interact with his mood the kind of

day he had and if hersquos eaten

None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for

such a long time that I could Like every person

who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that

if I did all the right things I would figure out a

way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on

his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine

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33 FallWinter 2015 Move

I worked like some kind of crazy statistician

making up story problems to predict what he

might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job

and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without

eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito

at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos

left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going

to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-

ing home mistakes his second wife for his first

wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out

Please show your work

I have never been able to figure out the rec-

ipe for equilibrium His or mine

Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce

comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not

wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face

slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat

the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says

Itrsquos not really a question but I answer

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him

clearly for the first time I see his addiction in

action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have

nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest

thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can

do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look

at him for too long when hersquos been drinking

kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash

you just back away slowly and try not to piss

him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows

too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how

little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs

to believe because he has to be mad at some-

one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom

just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by

the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about

nothing that it was never my face that pissed

him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He

needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave

to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do

no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a

revelation

He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you

looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on

the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-

spread that covers its stained sagging cush-

ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier

mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore

afraid when hersquos like this and they should be

Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that

hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what

if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already

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Oregon Humanities34

dead or at least not living just existing on the

edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story

Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom

suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am

afraid of being killed

I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to

make a home The china teacups that I str ung

together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks

in the window like a mobile The plants my

booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the

sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the

bed my dad and I refinished before I left home

The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday

The fifteen years of history we have together

one year short of half my life tonight not all of

it bad He is no monster just a man struggling

wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to

face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo

He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo

He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo

Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He

screams them at me knowing how in the past

these are the very words that made me cling to

him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go

Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but

this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest

the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about

his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does

Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom

seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man

Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried

to help for his own good right This man Irsquove

tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody

made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when

I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself

Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the

usual responseI know three things tonight Number one

If I stay this will be my life until I die Number

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Oregon Humanities36

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37 FallWinter 2015 Move

M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN

he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline

somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and

believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he

turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean

for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees

in rows

My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home

at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York

City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for

rows of buildings

ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says

In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark

skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the

Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n

My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I

met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo

My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too

often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance

of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He

was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister

a year later

My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my

father a suit They seem happy in the picture

Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put

half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband

My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years

My grandmother died

All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a

life rocked with waves

P A I G E

V I C K E R S

JASON ARI AS

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Oregon Humanities38

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have

let that slip through thecracksrdquo

My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes

My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why

Grandma was hiding

Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here

To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-

vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where

we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We

have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo

I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened

My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next

closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed

a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time

tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the

process

Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends

Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his

giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist

until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again

We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in

the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-

ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-

lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be

Ama zons)

The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door

I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour

feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean

ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said

We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not

about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same

ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As

kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon

I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower

water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the

high tide after being beached again and again

One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom

decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia

One of my new Olympian friends flicked a

match that started a fire inside my mattress I

tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking

Mom came home and we put the burning

bed outside

This isnrsquot a metaphor

I slept on the floor of my bedroom that

night missing the ocean of Grayland while my

mom and sister shared their bed in the room

next to mine The next morning my mattress

was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-

ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a

popular song on the radio at the time One of us

would start singing the lyrics

How can we dance when our earth is turning

and then wersquod all join in

How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh

But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame

Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-

land That no matter how many times we

were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty

porous flotation device on which to try to

reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe

even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the

way we did as something gia nt and limit less

something to be feared and conquered some-

thing to be moved by

In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a

flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called

my name and the light receded back down the

hall disappearing into the living room and

slipping out the front door

We discovered that the flickering light had

left wax shapes on the carpet of our living

room that could have been bad pentagrams or

the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It

left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot

take any money It left us wondering if some

past boyfriend had found us somehow

Whi le we were out the next day somebody

hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment

door Mom winced at the divots denting the

wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing

mechanism once was with her hand

We left the dishes in the sink

We left no forwarding address

We boarded a bus

Two days later we were on the doorstep of

the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with

a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my

backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase

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39 FallWinter 2015 Move

in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever

received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer

trophies in the other

At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude

who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-

thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been

there were two concave smooth-skinned div-

ots She was always smiling I liked watching

how Jude listened

Before long the four of us moved into an

apartment between Portland and Gresham It

was right on the MAX line and right on the city

line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-

landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign

that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block

to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch

my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but

Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the

perfect space for her She said it was easier for

her to know where everything was in a smaller

environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond

than an ocean

One day Jude brought her new boyfriend

home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo

ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said

Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor

and said ldquo White peoplerdquo

I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was

wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what

ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to

a blind person

Red is the rage in your gut

White is the entrapment of the disabled

One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend

and her room became a closet again

We saw her a little and then not at all

Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to

Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally

almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of

my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday

cards and pictures that were inside it

Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-

day cards away

My wife and I began archiving our new fam-

ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with

the rest of them Our sons grew I became an

uncle My grandfather remarried and went

crazy My mother still has the same smile she

had when I was young

Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a

bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple

of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary

There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help

you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear

Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie

each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out

If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads

directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end

points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably

guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock

between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled

and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long

by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of

human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of

the Mayan calendar

In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and

I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of

the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam

When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-

land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else

ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says

one night while wersquore lying in bed

And I do

I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that

had to happen I listen to our breath

In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I

make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My

finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving

And then the line disappears

And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and

falling together

Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the

Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life

Poems and Stories of the Dead

If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between

Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous

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Oregon Humanities40

READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts

One hundred moves and not one of

them associated with the military

a job or being on the run

The Ledger

Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G

through a yard sale I picked up an old

ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-

ance Company of New York A large thin hard-

bound ledger black with a red spine eleven

inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by

insurance agents to track insurers and their

policies all entries written by hand There was

only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty

cents the rest of the pages were blank After

years of treasuring its antiquity but making

no entries of my own I tore the one used page

out and decided to start tracking al l my moves

before my memory lost track I sat down and

recorded all the moves I remembered over one

hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my

parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them

associated with the military a job or being on

the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-

derlust and exploration then relationships

and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad

landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just

being unable as a single parent to bear the rent

and high heating bills Once my oldest son and

I landed in a decent house that could hold us

indefinitely After three months I was drawn to

cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted

to gather them touch them fill their empti-

ness with our lives When I realized what was

going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in

that house for two years then moved to Hawai i

Now the kids are grown the grandkids are

teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos

no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-

foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a

semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided

me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she

said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo

As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot

out of my feet and sink into the ground I was

so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here

three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot

want to move

What have I lea rned th rough al l these

moves Adaptability being and living in the

now and that there is glory in both staying and

moving but it is much easier and cheaper to

stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland

Out of the Nest

I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E

back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze

tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last

time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex

where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs

Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot

stepped inside the apartment for eight months

To do so would risk my life

ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-

tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February

I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following

weekmdashfor six months

Left behind with Michael were our surro-

gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy

and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned

starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier

It was last October when I first developed

symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-

ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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41 FallWinter 2015 Move

This is where the plates layers of crust

crashed into each other in a fiery show

perhaps tens of thousands of years ago

Soon breathing was excruciating I took

shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain

Paralyzing fatigue set in

My endocrinologist suspected chronic

obstructive pulmonary disease which made

little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I

began scouring descriptions of lung conditions

Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity

pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung

Relief and terror flooded in

If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-

monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a

terminal condition in which scarring causes

respiratory failure within three to five years

Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif

caught early But the solution is drastic We

would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-

ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even

be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the

parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would

have a new ending

Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms

lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper

grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-

pice moments before plummeting

Today we are moving the last of our belong-

ings into our first house The kitties and birdies

have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed

While I cannot hold my babies I watch them

on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the

two-way speaker

From rescue feedings to teenage angst to

nighttime vigils during illness in caring for

these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging

from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety

Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey

take their first tentative steps toward flight

Today I learned the most painful lesson let-

ting go

MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene

Subduction Zones

T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK

were on an af ternoon in early Septem-

ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for

the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper

and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our

ankles

Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-

berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend

and is directly responsible for the creation of

Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back

then one that I sometimes imagined looked

like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus

Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of

the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale

their name suggests but the result of plates

shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-

tion led to the formation of the trio This is

where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into

each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-

sands of years ago Subduction zones are places

where great trauma lies

And here I was all these years later in the

shadows of these mountains loss everywhere

Later that day back at our apartment we

walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit

into anymore For more than a year we went

through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern

Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that

followed us Then one day our four-year-old

daughter started a conversation that shook me

ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo

I nodded

ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so

sadrdquo

Six words leapt at me

ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo

We moved back to Ash land where brig ht

red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-

hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot

know it then but we were charting our own

map however imperfect Healing crept up on

us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-

ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew

Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng

up the darkness Seventeen years passed

And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most

folks want to flee helps you see things more

clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in

its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along

VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities42POSTS

continued from previous page

Just to

underscore

how settled we

planned to be

we unpacked

EverythingEven the

heirloom china

which had never

before left its

boxes We were

here to stay

Dance Church

SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I

go to church Dance church A church

where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers

to recite A church where at first glance outsid-

ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon

arriving I see a few little munchkins running

around with oversize neon headphones on to

protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music

set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with

rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors

There are flowers candles pillow puddles

beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some

kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in

alignment with the morningrsquos intention

As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s

become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-

tainer in which I can move once again after

years of chronic freezing and dissociating A

trapped animal released back into the wild

wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom

in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism

evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with

anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our

spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist

The music awakens the holy spirit within

me and dances me through throngs of people

I am an antelope cut loose checking out the

creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns

bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms

Each stunning in their authentic movement I

see people falling in love with each other from

a distance I see a girl rocking four different

Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed

like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands

ldquopracticing dancingrdquo

This is the church of Miriam the biblical

tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of

years later I move here and I am reunited with

my self my best self my most curious mischie-

vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self

Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten

invited back in the room to whip her hair back

and forth I throw my head back in delight and

laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like

hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form

of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music

EMILY I BEDAL Portland

Again

M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R

upwardly mobile engineer That trans-

lated into at least one move per year until I was

eight and another address for high school I

moved every year in college one year twice I

moved three times during my first stint in Bos-

ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-

ment for the whole two years Then it was back

to Boston where I lived in five different homes

in five years

Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for

the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe

two years back East then back to New Mexico

in two different cities three different homes

Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates

what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo

From Albuquerque we moved to our present

home in Port Orford my thirt ieth

Moving has always been exciting cathar-

tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books

by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally

donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-

ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated

magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets

ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit

thatrsquos never happened In each new house

wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos

never worked

We vowed Port Orford would be our final

ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore

how settled we planned to be we unpacked

Everything Even the heirloom china which

had never before left its boxes We were here

to stay

Except it seems wersquore going to have to move

again but not for the exciting futures wersquod

always envisioned before Now we need doctors

and hospitals and a nearby airport for family

visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is

on the other side of adventure Now we need a

place to feel safe secure

So the sorting and throwing out is about to

begin yet again There are closets and drawers

that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to

dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of

booksmdashto give away This move exciting No

way The very thought of it exhausts me

Still those other feelings cathartic freeing

new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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43 FallWinter 2015 Move

Next theme Root

For the Spring 2016 issue tell

us your stories about rooting

around taking root being

uprooted or root-bound getting

to the root of a problem being

the root of the problem rooting

someone on Share stories and

ideas about beginnings origins

and foundations Analyze a

historical or contemporary

grassroots effort Describe

the tension between staying

put and being stuck Send your

submission (400 words maxi-

mum) by February 15 2016 to

postsoregonhumanitiesorg

Submissions may be edited for

space or clarity

Listen to Your Body

I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y

motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease

Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit

and spot-on timing Though she was confined

to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was

still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her

sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-

cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone

have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but

aching joints diminished strength and a fal-

tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back

Those maladies werenrsquot the result of

chronic disease More like lack of exercise At

some point in the past decade or so I developed

an aversion to any fitness routine That choice

has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo

class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community

Center

Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the

center for the past thirty-six years teaches

the dance-infused workout three days a week

Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at

the core of each class She dispenses praise as

we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform

deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements

and she encourages each of us to breathe and

listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably

youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying

ballet seriously By then her versatility as an

actress singer dancer and comedian had been

evident in community theater productions in

the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although

not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few

years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe

continues to lead a full life She can still stand

and press her palms flat to the floor despite

relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip

notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg

and stretch at the barre

A role model for agi ng wit h presence and

dignity Lynn maintains her considerable

charm and elegance and purposely keeps her

body and mind active Like my mother she

is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has

inspired me to accept what my body can do

today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow

Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for

getting up in the morning And by some mea-

sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE

Portland

Over the Hill

I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D

eleven times in three years I worked spring

through fall as a natural history guide in

Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure

where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned

into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply

moved around A lot With each new tempo-

rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked

clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was

nothing

At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the

person who would become my life partner

another seasonal worker We would move from

Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We

lived one magical off-season on a houseboat

on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the

ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught

me I loved wide-open spaces What could be

wider than the Pacific A fter one more season

of guiding I came back to the coast and decided

to stay

I volunteered my way into one steady job

and eventually landed another at the local

college After a few more seasons my partner

came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota

and we bought another together He built a

business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our

hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and

had a child Wersquod officially settled down

The economic hardships of rural living

however are real job opportunities decline

and can no longer support the life wersquove built

The accumulation of years no longer fits into

the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner

took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast

and we lived as a split family The split was tax-

ing though so we decided to make the move

to the city We left the first community of our

adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven

ourselves The only community our daughter

has even known Friends asked me not to go

Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart

still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the

sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes

at the memory of that moon over Tillamook

Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot

nothingmdashitrsquos every thing

NANCY SLAVIN Portland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities44

Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm

LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015

This intertwined story of two

teenage girls and their mothers

is set in New Orleans during

and after Hurricane Katrina

In her debut novel Urbani an

Oregon writer with Southern

roots brings a maternal touch

to the narrative handling trag-

edy with a careful soulfulness

and love This honest yet brutal

story will simultaneously break

and warm your heart

mdashAnnie Kaffen

At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015

Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French

Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the

Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural

French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-

tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans

and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a

snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland

Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015

Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the

Oregon physician and radicalrsquos

extraordinary experiences

from her early years working in

a textile mill in New Bedford

Massachusetts through her

activist years in Oregon includ-

ing a three-year term at San

Quentin State Prison Equi lived

openly as a lesbian beginning in

the 1890s and was one of the

first practicing female doctors

in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and

compassion for others with a

strong personal belief in social

and economic justice

mdashCarole Shel lhart

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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45 FallWinter 2015 Move

People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015

This debut collection from

Portland writer Margaret

Malone is filled with brief

bitterly funny stories about the

sort of people who tie them-

selves in knots in their heads

and feel uncomfortable in their

own skin and can never quite

bring themselves to say the

words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point

includes all of us

mdashBen Waterhouse

The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015

Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer

The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with

Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research

for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the

first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of

revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced

a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer

in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he

writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo

mdashMaggie Starr

To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for

Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon

Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205

Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe

Sasquatch Books 2015

Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter

Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt

to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography

in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers

a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden

rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance

sounds smells and much more

mdashBen Waterhouse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities46

Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson

February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum

1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg

CROPPINGS

Wendy Red Star Untitled

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities programs are

funded by the National Endowment

for the Humanities and the Oregon

Cultural Trust and by contributions from

individuals foundations community

organizations and corporations For

more information about Oregon

Humanities or to learn how you can help

more Oregonians get together share

ideas listen think and grow please

contact us at

921 SW Washington Street Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax

(503) 241-0024

ohmoregonhumanitiesorg

oregonhumanitiesorg

Staff

e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r

Adam Davis

facilitation and tra ining manager

Rachel Bernstein

communicationsprogram associate

Eloise Holland

editorassociate director

Kathleen Holt

development director

Kamla Hurst

program officer

Annie Kaffen

office manager

Mikaela Schey

director of finance and oper ations

Carole Shellhart

development associate

Maggie Starr

communications associate

Ben Waterhouse

program coordinator

Kyle Weismann-Yee

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Board of Directorsch a i r

Sona Karentz Andrews Portland

v ic e ch a i r

Janet Webster Newport

tr e a s u r e r

Jeff Cronn Portland

secretary

Matthew Boulay Salem

Paul Duden Portland

Kimberly Howard Portland

Nels Johnson Portland

Emily Karr Portland

Shannon Mara Bend

Win McCormack Portland

Alberto Moreno Portland

Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego

Ron Paul Portland

Denise Reed Astoria

Chantal Strobel Bend

Dave Weich Portland

Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED

Non-profit Org

US Postage

PAID

Permit No 1274

Portland OR

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities28

of them with books in their hands Neither of them had gone tocollege but they read constantlymdashspy thrillers mystery novels

science fiction comic books the newspaper magazines biog-

raphies memoirs I donrsquot know how or why my parents came to

love books so much perhaps books provided them an education

about the wider world a sense of adventure that was missing

from their lives or an escape from the dreary official speeches

that were regularly broadcast on state radio and television dur-

ing the reign of King Hassan

It was perhaps only natural that my siblings and I learned

to do the same from an early age I remember how we passed

copies of Asteacuterix to each other how we lent to or borrowed from

friends the latest issues of Pif magazine how we fought about

whose turn it was to read Boule et Bill When I began to read chil-

drenrsquos novels I found in Rabatrsquos many bookstores regular new

offerings from the Bibliothegraveque Rose or the Bibliothegraveque Verte

which included series by t he Comtesse de Seacutegur Jules Verne

Alexa ndre Duma s Georges Bayard and many others

Once when my best friend Nawal and I finished reading Les

petites filles modegraveles by the Comtesse de Seacutegur we wondered why

the title page said ldquoneacutee Rostopchinerdquo After much discussion

Nawal surmised that this must have been a disease with which

the author had been afflicted since birth It hadnrsquot occurred to

either of us that women in France might take on the names oftheir husbands since our own mothers following Moroccan

tradition kept their maiden names After reading The Three

Musketeers and The Count of Monte-Cristo we used our bed-sheets to make capes pretended our plastic rulers were swords

and faced off while screaming ldquoEn garderdquo

Of course none of the characters in these books looked or

spoke like anyone I knew In those days in the late 1970s nearly

all of the childrenrsquos literature that was available in Moroccan

bookstores was still in French The charactersrsquo names their

homes their cities their lives were wholly different from my

own and yet because of my constant exposure to them they

had grown utterly familiar These images invaded my imaginary

world to such an extent that I never thought they came from an

alien place Over time the fantasy in the books came to define

normalcy while my own reality somehow seemed foreign Like

my country my imagination had been colonized

I began to write when I was nine years old Unsurprisingly

the stories and poems I wrote were in French and featured char-

acters who said things like ldquoEn garderdquo I had just started the

fifth grade when Megravere Elisabeth the schoolrsquos director pulled

my father aside one morning and asked him which junior high

school he had in mind for me She suggested the Lyceacutee Descartes

where much of Moroccorsquos elitemdashbusiness leaders doctors law-

yers intellectuals of every persuasion government ministers as

well as thei r polit ical opponentsmdashsent its of fspring My father

said no he could not afford the school fees at Descartes In facthe had only agreed to send me to Sainte Marguerite because it

was relatively inexpensive and because my mother had insisted

D RISS C H RAI BI

LA

CI VI LISA TIO N

MA M E R E

PAR

ALEXANDRE DUMAS

Taha Hussein

THE

DA YS

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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29 FallWinter 2015 Move

When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same

school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum

el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine

At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were

taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled

with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still

the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-

language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from

the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi

al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the

Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese

Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-

moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some

of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved

each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a

classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-

els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan

authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-

tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren

It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read

adult literature on my own and independently from school that

I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-

ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos

La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a

sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin

Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book

that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment

of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read

lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was

as fertile ground for fiction as any other

And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature

nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in

French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after

all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-

latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss

Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was

ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a

particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made

it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I

was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train

in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco

medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-

ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my

hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat

or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-

matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely

be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study

linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in

a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in

an analytica l way

Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in

Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship

to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait

I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and

racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School

of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work

of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went

back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how

often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes

Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in

our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in

formal soireacutees French was de rigueur

Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-

guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles

and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in

English which made me think even more about the relationship

between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a

prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power

an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people

The education I had received had emphasized the importance

of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our

media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the

shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed

in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored

by the French government for free access to books The role of

Every time I went back

to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much

and how often we moved

between French and

Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not

went through life

switching between codes

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Oregon Humanities30

French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a

cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no

longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case

of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should

not be writing at all

I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish

after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried

to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of

me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that

stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have

immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the

native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow

me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred

to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic

languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought

Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my

days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use

English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the

linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh

perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a

child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-

gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the

same story

I have always written because I have always had the urge to

tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided

that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-

thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my

race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-

larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while

the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and

waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had

enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos

phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-

rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat

seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of

others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the

works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s

such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in

the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and

sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing

graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had

always told stories but now I wanted to be heard

This essay was first published in World Literature Today

Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami

Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The

Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The

Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy

Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for

Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016

Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16

and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for

more information and to buy tickets

Writing in French came

at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial

baggage that I no longer

wanted to carry I started

to suffer from a peculiar

case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic

perhaps I should not be

writing at all

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31 FallWinter 2015 Move

A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good

LORETTA STINSON

I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M

every day after work waiting for Bruce to

get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching

myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me

sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on

from a distance at whatever is happening to

me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie

and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-

kick of the star or I play a supporting role but

I am definitely not the star of this movie The

moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom

just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been

able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed

freak for fifteen years

Sun through the small rectangular win-

dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats

wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in

1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from

the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom

watchi ng my past present a nd future selves

do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental

after another waiting for the next bad thing

to happen and not getting out of the way even

when I see it coming The habit of living in con-

stant fear and the resignation that nothing can

ever change are the glue that holds me in place

This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting

on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on

Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on

hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the

future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who

can only be counted on not to be counted on

In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses

and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about

J U L I A N N A B R I O N

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Oregon Humanities32

detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot

change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-

ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what

the old-timers were saying Needless to say

I didnrsquot

Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go

home and try some new strategy to make Bruce

quit using I once read a book about how sugar

was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding

him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein

diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck

them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat

and beer is a very filling meal in itself When

he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put

in front of him but speed and alcohol are his

drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-

ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never

remembers what he does to me and since he

doesnrsquot remember I have to forget

It be what it be Bruce says about all things

unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color

electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it

be Today I see things clearly for the first time

Today I see myself on this couch waiting for

someone else to do the changing Today I see

that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be

my life until the day he kills me or he dies or

I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been

disappointed too many times Addiction his to

drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove

been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot

see my part until now

My only friend has been telling me for

months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I

have left many times for a day or a week but

Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop

drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs

to me for the first time that this is absurd and a

huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe

itrsquos me who needs to change and not because

that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction

is his business

Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll

be wasted because it was payday and most of

his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-

ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood

alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or

hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how

those will interact with his mood the kind of

day he had and if hersquos eaten

None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for

such a long time that I could Like every person

who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that

if I did all the right things I would figure out a

way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on

his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine

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33 FallWinter 2015 Move

I worked like some kind of crazy statistician

making up story problems to predict what he

might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job

and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without

eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito

at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos

left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going

to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-

ing home mistakes his second wife for his first

wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out

Please show your work

I have never been able to figure out the rec-

ipe for equilibrium His or mine

Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce

comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not

wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face

slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat

the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says

Itrsquos not really a question but I answer

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him

clearly for the first time I see his addiction in

action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have

nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest

thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can

do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look

at him for too long when hersquos been drinking

kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash

you just back away slowly and try not to piss

him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows

too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how

little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs

to believe because he has to be mad at some-

one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom

just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by

the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about

nothing that it was never my face that pissed

him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He

needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave

to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do

no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a

revelation

He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you

looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on

the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-

spread that covers its stained sagging cush-

ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier

mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore

afraid when hersquos like this and they should be

Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that

hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what

if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already

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Oregon Humanities34

dead or at least not living just existing on the

edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story

Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom

suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am

afraid of being killed

I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to

make a home The china teacups that I str ung

together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks

in the window like a mobile The plants my

booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the

sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the

bed my dad and I refinished before I left home

The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday

The fifteen years of history we have together

one year short of half my life tonight not all of

it bad He is no monster just a man struggling

wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to

face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo

He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo

He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo

Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He

screams them at me knowing how in the past

these are the very words that made me cling to

him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go

Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but

this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest

the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about

his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does

Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom

seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man

Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried

to help for his own good right This man Irsquove

tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody

made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when

I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself

Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the

usual responseI know three things tonight Number one

If I stay this will be my life until I die Number

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Oregon Humanities36

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37 FallWinter 2015 Move

M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN

he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline

somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and

believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he

turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean

for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees

in rows

My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home

at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York

City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for

rows of buildings

ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says

In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark

skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the

Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n

My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I

met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo

My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too

often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance

of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He

was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister

a year later

My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my

father a suit They seem happy in the picture

Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put

half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband

My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years

My grandmother died

All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a

life rocked with waves

P A I G E

V I C K E R S

JASON ARI AS

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Oregon Humanities38

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have

let that slip through thecracksrdquo

My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes

My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why

Grandma was hiding

Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here

To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-

vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where

we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We

have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo

I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened

My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next

closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed

a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time

tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the

process

Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends

Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his

giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist

until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again

We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in

the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-

ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-

lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be

Ama zons)

The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door

I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour

feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean

ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said

We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not

about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same

ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As

kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon

I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower

water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the

high tide after being beached again and again

One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom

decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia

One of my new Olympian friends flicked a

match that started a fire inside my mattress I

tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking

Mom came home and we put the burning

bed outside

This isnrsquot a metaphor

I slept on the floor of my bedroom that

night missing the ocean of Grayland while my

mom and sister shared their bed in the room

next to mine The next morning my mattress

was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-

ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a

popular song on the radio at the time One of us

would start singing the lyrics

How can we dance when our earth is turning

and then wersquod all join in

How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh

But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame

Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-

land That no matter how many times we

were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty

porous flotation device on which to try to

reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe

even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the

way we did as something gia nt and limit less

something to be feared and conquered some-

thing to be moved by

In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a

flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called

my name and the light receded back down the

hall disappearing into the living room and

slipping out the front door

We discovered that the flickering light had

left wax shapes on the carpet of our living

room that could have been bad pentagrams or

the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It

left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot

take any money It left us wondering if some

past boyfriend had found us somehow

Whi le we were out the next day somebody

hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment

door Mom winced at the divots denting the

wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing

mechanism once was with her hand

We left the dishes in the sink

We left no forwarding address

We boarded a bus

Two days later we were on the doorstep of

the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with

a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my

backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase

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39 FallWinter 2015 Move

in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever

received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer

trophies in the other

At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude

who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-

thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been

there were two concave smooth-skinned div-

ots She was always smiling I liked watching

how Jude listened

Before long the four of us moved into an

apartment between Portland and Gresham It

was right on the MAX line and right on the city

line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-

landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign

that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block

to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch

my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but

Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the

perfect space for her She said it was easier for

her to know where everything was in a smaller

environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond

than an ocean

One day Jude brought her new boyfriend

home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo

ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said

Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor

and said ldquo White peoplerdquo

I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was

wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what

ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to

a blind person

Red is the rage in your gut

White is the entrapment of the disabled

One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend

and her room became a closet again

We saw her a little and then not at all

Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to

Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally

almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of

my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday

cards and pictures that were inside it

Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-

day cards away

My wife and I began archiving our new fam-

ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with

the rest of them Our sons grew I became an

uncle My grandfather remarried and went

crazy My mother still has the same smile she

had when I was young

Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a

bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple

of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary

There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help

you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear

Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie

each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out

If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads

directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end

points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably

guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock

between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled

and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long

by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of

human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of

the Mayan calendar

In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and

I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of

the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam

When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-

land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else

ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says

one night while wersquore lying in bed

And I do

I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that

had to happen I listen to our breath

In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I

make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My

finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving

And then the line disappears

And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and

falling together

Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the

Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life

Poems and Stories of the Dead

If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between

Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous

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Oregon Humanities40

READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts

One hundred moves and not one of

them associated with the military

a job or being on the run

The Ledger

Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G

through a yard sale I picked up an old

ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-

ance Company of New York A large thin hard-

bound ledger black with a red spine eleven

inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by

insurance agents to track insurers and their

policies all entries written by hand There was

only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty

cents the rest of the pages were blank After

years of treasuring its antiquity but making

no entries of my own I tore the one used page

out and decided to start tracking al l my moves

before my memory lost track I sat down and

recorded all the moves I remembered over one

hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my

parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them

associated with the military a job or being on

the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-

derlust and exploration then relationships

and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad

landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just

being unable as a single parent to bear the rent

and high heating bills Once my oldest son and

I landed in a decent house that could hold us

indefinitely After three months I was drawn to

cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted

to gather them touch them fill their empti-

ness with our lives When I realized what was

going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in

that house for two years then moved to Hawai i

Now the kids are grown the grandkids are

teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos

no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-

foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a

semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided

me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she

said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo

As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot

out of my feet and sink into the ground I was

so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here

three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot

want to move

What have I lea rned th rough al l these

moves Adaptability being and living in the

now and that there is glory in both staying and

moving but it is much easier and cheaper to

stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland

Out of the Nest

I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E

back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze

tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last

time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex

where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs

Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot

stepped inside the apartment for eight months

To do so would risk my life

ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-

tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February

I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following

weekmdashfor six months

Left behind with Michael were our surro-

gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy

and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned

starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier

It was last October when I first developed

symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-

ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse

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41 FallWinter 2015 Move

This is where the plates layers of crust

crashed into each other in a fiery show

perhaps tens of thousands of years ago

Soon breathing was excruciating I took

shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain

Paralyzing fatigue set in

My endocrinologist suspected chronic

obstructive pulmonary disease which made

little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I

began scouring descriptions of lung conditions

Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity

pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung

Relief and terror flooded in

If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-

monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a

terminal condition in which scarring causes

respiratory failure within three to five years

Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif

caught early But the solution is drastic We

would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-

ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even

be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the

parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would

have a new ending

Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms

lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper

grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-

pice moments before plummeting

Today we are moving the last of our belong-

ings into our first house The kitties and birdies

have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed

While I cannot hold my babies I watch them

on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the

two-way speaker

From rescue feedings to teenage angst to

nighttime vigils during illness in caring for

these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging

from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety

Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey

take their first tentative steps toward flight

Today I learned the most painful lesson let-

ting go

MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene

Subduction Zones

T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK

were on an af ternoon in early Septem-

ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for

the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper

and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our

ankles

Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-

berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend

and is directly responsible for the creation of

Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back

then one that I sometimes imagined looked

like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus

Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of

the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale

their name suggests but the result of plates

shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-

tion led to the formation of the trio This is

where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into

each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-

sands of years ago Subduction zones are places

where great trauma lies

And here I was all these years later in the

shadows of these mountains loss everywhere

Later that day back at our apartment we

walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit

into anymore For more than a year we went

through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern

Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that

followed us Then one day our four-year-old

daughter started a conversation that shook me

ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo

I nodded

ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so

sadrdquo

Six words leapt at me

ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo

We moved back to Ash land where brig ht

red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-

hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot

know it then but we were charting our own

map however imperfect Healing crept up on

us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-

ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew

Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng

up the darkness Seventeen years passed

And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most

folks want to flee helps you see things more

clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in

its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along

VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities42POSTS

continued from previous page

Just to

underscore

how settled we

planned to be

we unpacked

EverythingEven the

heirloom china

which had never

before left its

boxes We were

here to stay

Dance Church

SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I

go to church Dance church A church

where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers

to recite A church where at first glance outsid-

ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon

arriving I see a few little munchkins running

around with oversize neon headphones on to

protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music

set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with

rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors

There are flowers candles pillow puddles

beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some

kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in

alignment with the morningrsquos intention

As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s

become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-

tainer in which I can move once again after

years of chronic freezing and dissociating A

trapped animal released back into the wild

wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom

in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism

evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with

anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our

spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist

The music awakens the holy spirit within

me and dances me through throngs of people

I am an antelope cut loose checking out the

creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns

bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms

Each stunning in their authentic movement I

see people falling in love with each other from

a distance I see a girl rocking four different

Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed

like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands

ldquopracticing dancingrdquo

This is the church of Miriam the biblical

tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of

years later I move here and I am reunited with

my self my best self my most curious mischie-

vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self

Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten

invited back in the room to whip her hair back

and forth I throw my head back in delight and

laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like

hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form

of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music

EMILY I BEDAL Portland

Again

M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R

upwardly mobile engineer That trans-

lated into at least one move per year until I was

eight and another address for high school I

moved every year in college one year twice I

moved three times during my first stint in Bos-

ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-

ment for the whole two years Then it was back

to Boston where I lived in five different homes

in five years

Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for

the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe

two years back East then back to New Mexico

in two different cities three different homes

Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates

what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo

From Albuquerque we moved to our present

home in Port Orford my thirt ieth

Moving has always been exciting cathar-

tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books

by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally

donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-

ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated

magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets

ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit

thatrsquos never happened In each new house

wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos

never worked

We vowed Port Orford would be our final

ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore

how settled we planned to be we unpacked

Everything Even the heirloom china which

had never before left its boxes We were here

to stay

Except it seems wersquore going to have to move

again but not for the exciting futures wersquod

always envisioned before Now we need doctors

and hospitals and a nearby airport for family

visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is

on the other side of adventure Now we need a

place to feel safe secure

So the sorting and throwing out is about to

begin yet again There are closets and drawers

that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to

dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of

booksmdashto give away This move exciting No

way The very thought of it exhausts me

Still those other feelings cathartic freeing

new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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43 FallWinter 2015 Move

Next theme Root

For the Spring 2016 issue tell

us your stories about rooting

around taking root being

uprooted or root-bound getting

to the root of a problem being

the root of the problem rooting

someone on Share stories and

ideas about beginnings origins

and foundations Analyze a

historical or contemporary

grassroots effort Describe

the tension between staying

put and being stuck Send your

submission (400 words maxi-

mum) by February 15 2016 to

postsoregonhumanitiesorg

Submissions may be edited for

space or clarity

Listen to Your Body

I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y

motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease

Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit

and spot-on timing Though she was confined

to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was

still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her

sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-

cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone

have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but

aching joints diminished strength and a fal-

tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back

Those maladies werenrsquot the result of

chronic disease More like lack of exercise At

some point in the past decade or so I developed

an aversion to any fitness routine That choice

has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo

class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community

Center

Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the

center for the past thirty-six years teaches

the dance-infused workout three days a week

Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at

the core of each class She dispenses praise as

we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform

deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements

and she encourages each of us to breathe and

listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably

youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying

ballet seriously By then her versatility as an

actress singer dancer and comedian had been

evident in community theater productions in

the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although

not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few

years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe

continues to lead a full life She can still stand

and press her palms flat to the floor despite

relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip

notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg

and stretch at the barre

A role model for agi ng wit h presence and

dignity Lynn maintains her considerable

charm and elegance and purposely keeps her

body and mind active Like my mother she

is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has

inspired me to accept what my body can do

today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow

Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for

getting up in the morning And by some mea-

sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE

Portland

Over the Hill

I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D

eleven times in three years I worked spring

through fall as a natural history guide in

Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure

where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned

into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply

moved around A lot With each new tempo-

rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked

clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was

nothing

At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the

person who would become my life partner

another seasonal worker We would move from

Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We

lived one magical off-season on a houseboat

on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the

ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught

me I loved wide-open spaces What could be

wider than the Pacific A fter one more season

of guiding I came back to the coast and decided

to stay

I volunteered my way into one steady job

and eventually landed another at the local

college After a few more seasons my partner

came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota

and we bought another together He built a

business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our

hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and

had a child Wersquod officially settled down

The economic hardships of rural living

however are real job opportunities decline

and can no longer support the life wersquove built

The accumulation of years no longer fits into

the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner

took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast

and we lived as a split family The split was tax-

ing though so we decided to make the move

to the city We left the first community of our

adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven

ourselves The only community our daughter

has even known Friends asked me not to go

Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart

still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the

sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes

at the memory of that moon over Tillamook

Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot

nothingmdashitrsquos every thing

NANCY SLAVIN Portland

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Oregon Humanities44

Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm

LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015

This intertwined story of two

teenage girls and their mothers

is set in New Orleans during

and after Hurricane Katrina

In her debut novel Urbani an

Oregon writer with Southern

roots brings a maternal touch

to the narrative handling trag-

edy with a careful soulfulness

and love This honest yet brutal

story will simultaneously break

and warm your heart

mdashAnnie Kaffen

At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015

Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French

Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the

Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural

French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-

tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans

and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a

snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland

Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015

Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the

Oregon physician and radicalrsquos

extraordinary experiences

from her early years working in

a textile mill in New Bedford

Massachusetts through her

activist years in Oregon includ-

ing a three-year term at San

Quentin State Prison Equi lived

openly as a lesbian beginning in

the 1890s and was one of the

first practicing female doctors

in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and

compassion for others with a

strong personal belief in social

and economic justice

mdashCarole Shel lhart

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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45 FallWinter 2015 Move

People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015

This debut collection from

Portland writer Margaret

Malone is filled with brief

bitterly funny stories about the

sort of people who tie them-

selves in knots in their heads

and feel uncomfortable in their

own skin and can never quite

bring themselves to say the

words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point

includes all of us

mdashBen Waterhouse

The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015

Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer

The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with

Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research

for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the

first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of

revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced

a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer

in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he

writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo

mdashMaggie Starr

To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for

Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon

Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205

Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe

Sasquatch Books 2015

Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter

Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt

to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography

in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers

a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden

rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance

sounds smells and much more

mdashBen Waterhouse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities46

Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson

February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum

1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg

CROPPINGS

Wendy Red Star Untitled

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities programs are

funded by the National Endowment

for the Humanities and the Oregon

Cultural Trust and by contributions from

individuals foundations community

organizations and corporations For

more information about Oregon

Humanities or to learn how you can help

more Oregonians get together share

ideas listen think and grow please

contact us at

921 SW Washington Street Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax

(503) 241-0024

ohmoregonhumanitiesorg

oregonhumanitiesorg

Staff

e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r

Adam Davis

facilitation and tra ining manager

Rachel Bernstein

communicationsprogram associate

Eloise Holland

editorassociate director

Kathleen Holt

development director

Kamla Hurst

program officer

Annie Kaffen

office manager

Mikaela Schey

director of finance and oper ations

Carole Shellhart

development associate

Maggie Starr

communications associate

Ben Waterhouse

program coordinator

Kyle Weismann-Yee

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Board of Directorsch a i r

Sona Karentz Andrews Portland

v ic e ch a i r

Janet Webster Newport

tr e a s u r e r

Jeff Cronn Portland

secretary

Matthew Boulay Salem

Paul Duden Portland

Kimberly Howard Portland

Nels Johnson Portland

Emily Karr Portland

Shannon Mara Bend

Win McCormack Portland

Alberto Moreno Portland

Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego

Ron Paul Portland

Denise Reed Astoria

Chantal Strobel Bend

Dave Weich Portland

Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED

Non-profit Org

US Postage

PAID

Permit No 1274

Portland OR

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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29 FallWinter 2015 Move

When my father saw that I was upset about not going to the same

school as my friends he tried to explain his decision ldquoYourfather is not a ministerrdquo he said in a soft apologetic tone Oum

el-Banin the public junior high near our house would be fine

At the new school I excel led in all the subjec ts that were

taught in French (mathematics physics biology) but struggled

with the ones taught in Arabic (hi story geography civics) Still

the change meant that I finally started to receive proper Arabic-

language instruction The curriculum focused on excerpts from

the classics of Arabic literaturemdashthe Mursquoallaqat al-Mutanabbi

al-Khansaamdashand slowly moved on to modern authors like the

Egyptians Naguib Mahfouz and Taha Husayn the Lebanese

Khalil Gibran and Elia Abu Madi and the Palestinian Mah-

moud Darwish Because our school did not have a library some

of our teachers set up their own ldquolending clubsrdquo This involved

each student donating one bookmdashany bookmdashin order to form a

classroom collection from which we could borrow Arabic nov-

els I donrsquot remember ever being assigned fiction by Moroccan

authors perhaps Moroccan authors were being taught to Egyp-

tian Lebanese or Palestinian schoolchildren

It was not until the age of fourteen when I started to read

adult literature on my own and independently from school that

I came across novels and stories featuring Moroccan charac-

ters in a Moroccan setting The first of these was Driss Chraiumlbirsquos

La Civilisation Ma Megravere which featured a heroine that was somuch like the women in my familymdashfeisty funny and with a

sharp sense of repartee I have a very vivid memory of my cousin

Hamid giv ing me a copy of Taha r Ben Jellounrsquos Harrouda a book

that felt deliciously transgressive because of its frank treatment

of sex The work of Leila Abouzeid was also a revelation To read

lsquoAm al-Fil was to discover that the ordinary stuff of our lives was

as fertile ground for fiction as any other

And yet because of my early exposure to French in literature

nearly everything I w rote in my teens and early twenties was in

French This did not seem to me especia lly odd at the time after

all many of Moroccorsquos writers used the colonial tongue Abdel-

latif Laacircbi Mohammed Khaiumlr-Eddine Tahar Ben Jelloun Driss

Chraiumlbi Fouad Laroui My parents thought that my writing was

ldquoadorablerdquo and praised it the way one might praise a child for a

particularly good magic trick or a well-told joke but they made

it clear that writing was not a serious option for the future I

was expec ted to do something sensible with my li fe and train

in a profession that could guarantee a decent living in Morocco

medicine engineering or businessOf course their warnings did not stop me I continued writ-

ing poems and stories and reading anything I could get my

hands on at the Kalila wa Dimna bookstore in downtown Rabat

or from the used booksellers in Agdal Still my parentsrsquo prag-

matic talk had all but convinced me that writing could merely

be a hobby and not a vocation and so I went to college to study

linguistics Since I could not make a living from using words in

a creative way at least I would be able to do it by using them in

an analytica l way

Af ter a bachelor rsquos degree at Moha mmed-V University in

Rabat I applied for and received a British Council Fellowship

to do a masterrsquos degree at University College London I arrivedin Britain shortly after Saddam Husseinrsquos army invaded Kuwait

I had been fairly apolitical until then but the dislocation and

racism I experienced in London the classes I took at the School

of Oriental and African Studies and my exposure to the work

of people like Edward Said changed all that Every time I went

back to Morocco I couldnrsquot help but notice how much and how

often we moved between French and Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not went through life switching between codes

Moroccan Arabic or Amazigh i n our homes with our friends in

our places of worship but in job interviews in fancy stores in

formal soireacutees French was de rigueur

Two years later I arrived in Los A ngeles to do a PhD in lin-

guistics I spent most of my days working on research articles

and conference papers that had to be written and delivered in

English which made me think even more about the relationship

between Arabic and French in Morocco French was not just a

prominent language in Morocco It was the language of power

an indicator of social class a means to include or exclude people

The education I had received had emphasized the importance

of French to the detriment of Arabic French was used in our

media our government and our businesses Nearly half of the

shows on Moroccan television were bought from and dubbed

in France There were no neighborhood public libraries so weoften had to depend on cultural centers like the one sponsored

by the French government for free access to books The role of

Every time I went back

to Morocco I couldnrsquothelp but notice how much

and how often we moved

between French and

Arabic All of us whether

we wanted to or not

went through life

switching between codes

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities30

French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a

cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no

longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case

of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should

not be writing at all

I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish

after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried

to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of

me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that

stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have

immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the

native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow

me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred

to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic

languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought

Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my

days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use

English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the

linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh

perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a

child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-

gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the

same story

I have always written because I have always had the urge to

tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided

that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-

thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my

race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-

larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while

the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and

waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had

enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos

phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-

rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat

seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of

others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the

works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s

such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in

the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and

sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing

graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had

always told stories but now I wanted to be heard

This essay was first published in World Literature Today

Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami

Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The

Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The

Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy

Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for

Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016

Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16

and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for

more information and to buy tickets

Writing in French came

at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial

baggage that I no longer

wanted to carry I started

to suffer from a peculiar

case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic

perhaps I should not be

writing at all

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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31 FallWinter 2015 Move

A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good

LORETTA STINSON

I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M

every day after work waiting for Bruce to

get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching

myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me

sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on

from a distance at whatever is happening to

me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie

and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-

kick of the star or I play a supporting role but

I am definitely not the star of this movie The

moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom

just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been

able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed

freak for fifteen years

Sun through the small rectangular win-

dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats

wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in

1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from

the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom

watchi ng my past present a nd future selves

do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental

after another waiting for the next bad thing

to happen and not getting out of the way even

when I see it coming The habit of living in con-

stant fear and the resignation that nothing can

ever change are the glue that holds me in place

This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting

on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on

Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on

hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the

future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who

can only be counted on not to be counted on

In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses

and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about

J U L I A N N A B R I O N

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities32

detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot

change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-

ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what

the old-timers were saying Needless to say

I didnrsquot

Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go

home and try some new strategy to make Bruce

quit using I once read a book about how sugar

was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding

him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein

diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck

them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat

and beer is a very filling meal in itself When

he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put

in front of him but speed and alcohol are his

drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-

ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never

remembers what he does to me and since he

doesnrsquot remember I have to forget

It be what it be Bruce says about all things

unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color

electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it

be Today I see things clearly for the first time

Today I see myself on this couch waiting for

someone else to do the changing Today I see

that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be

my life until the day he kills me or he dies or

I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been

disappointed too many times Addiction his to

drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove

been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot

see my part until now

My only friend has been telling me for

months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I

have left many times for a day or a week but

Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop

drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs

to me for the first time that this is absurd and a

huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe

itrsquos me who needs to change and not because

that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction

is his business

Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll

be wasted because it was payday and most of

his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-

ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood

alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or

hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how

those will interact with his mood the kind of

day he had and if hersquos eaten

None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for

such a long time that I could Like every person

who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that

if I did all the right things I would figure out a

way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on

his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine

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33 FallWinter 2015 Move

I worked like some kind of crazy statistician

making up story problems to predict what he

might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job

and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without

eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito

at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos

left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going

to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-

ing home mistakes his second wife for his first

wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out

Please show your work

I have never been able to figure out the rec-

ipe for equilibrium His or mine

Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce

comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not

wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face

slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat

the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says

Itrsquos not really a question but I answer

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him

clearly for the first time I see his addiction in

action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have

nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest

thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can

do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look

at him for too long when hersquos been drinking

kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash

you just back away slowly and try not to piss

him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows

too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how

little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs

to believe because he has to be mad at some-

one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom

just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by

the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about

nothing that it was never my face that pissed

him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He

needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave

to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do

no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a

revelation

He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you

looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on

the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-

spread that covers its stained sagging cush-

ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier

mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore

afraid when hersquos like this and they should be

Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that

hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what

if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already

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Oregon Humanities34

dead or at least not living just existing on the

edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story

Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom

suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am

afraid of being killed

I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to

make a home The china teacups that I str ung

together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks

in the window like a mobile The plants my

booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the

sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the

bed my dad and I refinished before I left home

The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday

The fifteen years of history we have together

one year short of half my life tonight not all of

it bad He is no monster just a man struggling

wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to

face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo

He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo

He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo

Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He

screams them at me knowing how in the past

these are the very words that made me cling to

him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go

Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but

this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest

the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about

his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does

Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom

seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man

Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried

to help for his own good right This man Irsquove

tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody

made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when

I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself

Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the

usual responseI know three things tonight Number one

If I stay this will be my life until I die Number

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Oregon Humanities36

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37 FallWinter 2015 Move

M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN

he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline

somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and

believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he

turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean

for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees

in rows

My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home

at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York

City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for

rows of buildings

ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says

In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark

skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the

Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n

My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I

met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo

My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too

often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance

of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He

was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister

a year later

My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my

father a suit They seem happy in the picture

Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put

half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband

My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years

My grandmother died

All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a

life rocked with waves

P A I G E

V I C K E R S

JASON ARI AS

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Oregon Humanities38

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have

let that slip through thecracksrdquo

My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes

My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why

Grandma was hiding

Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here

To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-

vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where

we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We

have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo

I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened

My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next

closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed

a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time

tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the

process

Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends

Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his

giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist

until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again

We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in

the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-

ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-

lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be

Ama zons)

The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door

I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour

feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean

ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said

We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not

about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same

ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As

kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon

I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower

water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the

high tide after being beached again and again

One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom

decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia

One of my new Olympian friends flicked a

match that started a fire inside my mattress I

tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking

Mom came home and we put the burning

bed outside

This isnrsquot a metaphor

I slept on the floor of my bedroom that

night missing the ocean of Grayland while my

mom and sister shared their bed in the room

next to mine The next morning my mattress

was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-

ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a

popular song on the radio at the time One of us

would start singing the lyrics

How can we dance when our earth is turning

and then wersquod all join in

How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh

But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame

Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-

land That no matter how many times we

were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty

porous flotation device on which to try to

reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe

even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the

way we did as something gia nt and limit less

something to be feared and conquered some-

thing to be moved by

In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a

flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called

my name and the light receded back down the

hall disappearing into the living room and

slipping out the front door

We discovered that the flickering light had

left wax shapes on the carpet of our living

room that could have been bad pentagrams or

the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It

left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot

take any money It left us wondering if some

past boyfriend had found us somehow

Whi le we were out the next day somebody

hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment

door Mom winced at the divots denting the

wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing

mechanism once was with her hand

We left the dishes in the sink

We left no forwarding address

We boarded a bus

Two days later we were on the doorstep of

the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with

a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my

backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase

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39 FallWinter 2015 Move

in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever

received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer

trophies in the other

At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude

who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-

thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been

there were two concave smooth-skinned div-

ots She was always smiling I liked watching

how Jude listened

Before long the four of us moved into an

apartment between Portland and Gresham It

was right on the MAX line and right on the city

line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-

landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign

that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block

to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch

my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but

Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the

perfect space for her She said it was easier for

her to know where everything was in a smaller

environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond

than an ocean

One day Jude brought her new boyfriend

home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo

ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said

Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor

and said ldquo White peoplerdquo

I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was

wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what

ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to

a blind person

Red is the rage in your gut

White is the entrapment of the disabled

One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend

and her room became a closet again

We saw her a little and then not at all

Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to

Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally

almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of

my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday

cards and pictures that were inside it

Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-

day cards away

My wife and I began archiving our new fam-

ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with

the rest of them Our sons grew I became an

uncle My grandfather remarried and went

crazy My mother still has the same smile she

had when I was young

Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a

bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple

of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary

There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help

you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear

Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie

each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out

If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads

directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end

points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably

guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock

between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled

and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long

by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of

human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of

the Mayan calendar

In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and

I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of

the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam

When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-

land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else

ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says

one night while wersquore lying in bed

And I do

I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that

had to happen I listen to our breath

In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I

make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My

finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving

And then the line disappears

And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and

falling together

Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the

Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life

Poems and Stories of the Dead

If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between

Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous

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Oregon Humanities40

READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts

One hundred moves and not one of

them associated with the military

a job or being on the run

The Ledger

Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G

through a yard sale I picked up an old

ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-

ance Company of New York A large thin hard-

bound ledger black with a red spine eleven

inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by

insurance agents to track insurers and their

policies all entries written by hand There was

only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty

cents the rest of the pages were blank After

years of treasuring its antiquity but making

no entries of my own I tore the one used page

out and decided to start tracking al l my moves

before my memory lost track I sat down and

recorded all the moves I remembered over one

hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my

parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them

associated with the military a job or being on

the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-

derlust and exploration then relationships

and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad

landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just

being unable as a single parent to bear the rent

and high heating bills Once my oldest son and

I landed in a decent house that could hold us

indefinitely After three months I was drawn to

cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted

to gather them touch them fill their empti-

ness with our lives When I realized what was

going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in

that house for two years then moved to Hawai i

Now the kids are grown the grandkids are

teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos

no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-

foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a

semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided

me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she

said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo

As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot

out of my feet and sink into the ground I was

so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here

three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot

want to move

What have I lea rned th rough al l these

moves Adaptability being and living in the

now and that there is glory in both staying and

moving but it is much easier and cheaper to

stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland

Out of the Nest

I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E

back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze

tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last

time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex

where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs

Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot

stepped inside the apartment for eight months

To do so would risk my life

ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-

tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February

I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following

weekmdashfor six months

Left behind with Michael were our surro-

gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy

and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned

starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier

It was last October when I first developed

symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-

ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse

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41 FallWinter 2015 Move

This is where the plates layers of crust

crashed into each other in a fiery show

perhaps tens of thousands of years ago

Soon breathing was excruciating I took

shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain

Paralyzing fatigue set in

My endocrinologist suspected chronic

obstructive pulmonary disease which made

little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I

began scouring descriptions of lung conditions

Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity

pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung

Relief and terror flooded in

If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-

monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a

terminal condition in which scarring causes

respiratory failure within three to five years

Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif

caught early But the solution is drastic We

would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-

ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even

be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the

parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would

have a new ending

Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms

lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper

grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-

pice moments before plummeting

Today we are moving the last of our belong-

ings into our first house The kitties and birdies

have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed

While I cannot hold my babies I watch them

on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the

two-way speaker

From rescue feedings to teenage angst to

nighttime vigils during illness in caring for

these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging

from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety

Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey

take their first tentative steps toward flight

Today I learned the most painful lesson let-

ting go

MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene

Subduction Zones

T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK

were on an af ternoon in early Septem-

ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for

the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper

and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our

ankles

Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-

berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend

and is directly responsible for the creation of

Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back

then one that I sometimes imagined looked

like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus

Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of

the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale

their name suggests but the result of plates

shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-

tion led to the formation of the trio This is

where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into

each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-

sands of years ago Subduction zones are places

where great trauma lies

And here I was all these years later in the

shadows of these mountains loss everywhere

Later that day back at our apartment we

walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit

into anymore For more than a year we went

through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern

Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that

followed us Then one day our four-year-old

daughter started a conversation that shook me

ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo

I nodded

ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so

sadrdquo

Six words leapt at me

ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo

We moved back to Ash land where brig ht

red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-

hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot

know it then but we were charting our own

map however imperfect Healing crept up on

us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-

ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew

Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng

up the darkness Seventeen years passed

And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most

folks want to flee helps you see things more

clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in

its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along

VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland

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Oregon Humanities42POSTS

continued from previous page

Just to

underscore

how settled we

planned to be

we unpacked

EverythingEven the

heirloom china

which had never

before left its

boxes We were

here to stay

Dance Church

SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I

go to church Dance church A church

where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers

to recite A church where at first glance outsid-

ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon

arriving I see a few little munchkins running

around with oversize neon headphones on to

protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music

set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with

rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors

There are flowers candles pillow puddles

beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some

kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in

alignment with the morningrsquos intention

As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s

become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-

tainer in which I can move once again after

years of chronic freezing and dissociating A

trapped animal released back into the wild

wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom

in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism

evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with

anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our

spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist

The music awakens the holy spirit within

me and dances me through throngs of people

I am an antelope cut loose checking out the

creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns

bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms

Each stunning in their authentic movement I

see people falling in love with each other from

a distance I see a girl rocking four different

Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed

like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands

ldquopracticing dancingrdquo

This is the church of Miriam the biblical

tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of

years later I move here and I am reunited with

my self my best self my most curious mischie-

vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self

Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten

invited back in the room to whip her hair back

and forth I throw my head back in delight and

laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like

hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form

of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music

EMILY I BEDAL Portland

Again

M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R

upwardly mobile engineer That trans-

lated into at least one move per year until I was

eight and another address for high school I

moved every year in college one year twice I

moved three times during my first stint in Bos-

ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-

ment for the whole two years Then it was back

to Boston where I lived in five different homes

in five years

Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for

the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe

two years back East then back to New Mexico

in two different cities three different homes

Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates

what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo

From Albuquerque we moved to our present

home in Port Orford my thirt ieth

Moving has always been exciting cathar-

tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books

by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally

donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-

ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated

magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets

ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit

thatrsquos never happened In each new house

wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos

never worked

We vowed Port Orford would be our final

ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore

how settled we planned to be we unpacked

Everything Even the heirloom china which

had never before left its boxes We were here

to stay

Except it seems wersquore going to have to move

again but not for the exciting futures wersquod

always envisioned before Now we need doctors

and hospitals and a nearby airport for family

visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is

on the other side of adventure Now we need a

place to feel safe secure

So the sorting and throwing out is about to

begin yet again There are closets and drawers

that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to

dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of

booksmdashto give away This move exciting No

way The very thought of it exhausts me

Still those other feelings cathartic freeing

new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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43 FallWinter 2015 Move

Next theme Root

For the Spring 2016 issue tell

us your stories about rooting

around taking root being

uprooted or root-bound getting

to the root of a problem being

the root of the problem rooting

someone on Share stories and

ideas about beginnings origins

and foundations Analyze a

historical or contemporary

grassroots effort Describe

the tension between staying

put and being stuck Send your

submission (400 words maxi-

mum) by February 15 2016 to

postsoregonhumanitiesorg

Submissions may be edited for

space or clarity

Listen to Your Body

I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y

motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease

Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit

and spot-on timing Though she was confined

to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was

still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her

sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-

cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone

have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but

aching joints diminished strength and a fal-

tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back

Those maladies werenrsquot the result of

chronic disease More like lack of exercise At

some point in the past decade or so I developed

an aversion to any fitness routine That choice

has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo

class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community

Center

Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the

center for the past thirty-six years teaches

the dance-infused workout three days a week

Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at

the core of each class She dispenses praise as

we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform

deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements

and she encourages each of us to breathe and

listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably

youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying

ballet seriously By then her versatility as an

actress singer dancer and comedian had been

evident in community theater productions in

the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although

not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few

years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe

continues to lead a full life She can still stand

and press her palms flat to the floor despite

relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip

notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg

and stretch at the barre

A role model for agi ng wit h presence and

dignity Lynn maintains her considerable

charm and elegance and purposely keeps her

body and mind active Like my mother she

is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has

inspired me to accept what my body can do

today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow

Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for

getting up in the morning And by some mea-

sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE

Portland

Over the Hill

I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D

eleven times in three years I worked spring

through fall as a natural history guide in

Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure

where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned

into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply

moved around A lot With each new tempo-

rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked

clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was

nothing

At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the

person who would become my life partner

another seasonal worker We would move from

Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We

lived one magical off-season on a houseboat

on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the

ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught

me I loved wide-open spaces What could be

wider than the Pacific A fter one more season

of guiding I came back to the coast and decided

to stay

I volunteered my way into one steady job

and eventually landed another at the local

college After a few more seasons my partner

came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota

and we bought another together He built a

business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our

hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and

had a child Wersquod officially settled down

The economic hardships of rural living

however are real job opportunities decline

and can no longer support the life wersquove built

The accumulation of years no longer fits into

the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner

took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast

and we lived as a split family The split was tax-

ing though so we decided to make the move

to the city We left the first community of our

adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven

ourselves The only community our daughter

has even known Friends asked me not to go

Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart

still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the

sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes

at the memory of that moon over Tillamook

Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot

nothingmdashitrsquos every thing

NANCY SLAVIN Portland

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Oregon Humanities44

Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm

LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015

This intertwined story of two

teenage girls and their mothers

is set in New Orleans during

and after Hurricane Katrina

In her debut novel Urbani an

Oregon writer with Southern

roots brings a maternal touch

to the narrative handling trag-

edy with a careful soulfulness

and love This honest yet brutal

story will simultaneously break

and warm your heart

mdashAnnie Kaffen

At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015

Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French

Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the

Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural

French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-

tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans

and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a

snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland

Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015

Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the

Oregon physician and radicalrsquos

extraordinary experiences

from her early years working in

a textile mill in New Bedford

Massachusetts through her

activist years in Oregon includ-

ing a three-year term at San

Quentin State Prison Equi lived

openly as a lesbian beginning in

the 1890s and was one of the

first practicing female doctors

in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and

compassion for others with a

strong personal belief in social

and economic justice

mdashCarole Shel lhart

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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45 FallWinter 2015 Move

People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015

This debut collection from

Portland writer Margaret

Malone is filled with brief

bitterly funny stories about the

sort of people who tie them-

selves in knots in their heads

and feel uncomfortable in their

own skin and can never quite

bring themselves to say the

words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point

includes all of us

mdashBen Waterhouse

The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015

Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer

The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with

Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research

for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the

first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of

revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced

a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer

in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he

writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo

mdashMaggie Starr

To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for

Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon

Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205

Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe

Sasquatch Books 2015

Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter

Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt

to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography

in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers

a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden

rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance

sounds smells and much more

mdashBen Waterhouse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities46

Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson

February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum

1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg

CROPPINGS

Wendy Red Star Untitled

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities programs are

funded by the National Endowment

for the Humanities and the Oregon

Cultural Trust and by contributions from

individuals foundations community

organizations and corporations For

more information about Oregon

Humanities or to learn how you can help

more Oregonians get together share

ideas listen think and grow please

contact us at

921 SW Washington Street Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax

(503) 241-0024

ohmoregonhumanitiesorg

oregonhumanitiesorg

Staff

e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r

Adam Davis

facilitation and tra ining manager

Rachel Bernstein

communicationsprogram associate

Eloise Holland

editorassociate director

Kathleen Holt

development director

Kamla Hurst

program officer

Annie Kaffen

office manager

Mikaela Schey

director of finance and oper ations

Carole Shellhart

development associate

Maggie Starr

communications associate

Ben Waterhouse

program coordinator

Kyle Weismann-Yee

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Board of Directorsch a i r

Sona Karentz Andrews Portland

v ic e ch a i r

Janet Webster Newport

tr e a s u r e r

Jeff Cronn Portland

secretary

Matthew Boulay Salem

Paul Duden Portland

Kimberly Howard Portland

Nels Johnson Portland

Emily Karr Portland

Shannon Mara Bend

Win McCormack Portland

Alberto Moreno Portland

Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego

Ron Paul Portland

Denise Reed Astoria

Chantal Strobel Bend

Dave Weich Portland

Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED

Non-profit Org

US Postage

PAID

Permit No 1274

Portland OR

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities30

French in my life became clearer Writing in French came at a

cost it inevitably brought with it a colonial baggage that I no

longer wanted to carry I started to suffer from a peculiar case

of writerrsquos block If I could not write in Arabic perhaps I should

not be writing at all

I went about the business of living I had a degree to finish

after all a nd I needed to find a job after graduate school I tried

to steer clear from writing but writing wouldnrsquot steer clear of

me I think that in some way we do not choose stories but that

stories choose us A braver writermdasha Ngu~gı~ saymdashmight have

immediately cast aside the colonial tongue and returned to the

native one but my literary Arabic was not good enough to allow

me to produce a novel The Arabic language is often referred

to as ldquoal-lugha al-rsquoarabiyya al-fushardquo or ldquothe eloquent Arabic

languagerdquo I sorely lacked that eloquence One day I thought

Why not try my hand i n Engl ish I was alr eady spending my

days writing my d issertation in English so perhaps I could use

English for my fiction too After a few tries I noticed that the

linguistic shift enabled me to approach my stories with a fresh

perspective Because English had not been forced upon me as a

child it seemed to give me a kind of salutary dista nce The bag-

gage that to me seemed inherent in the use of French to tell aMoroccan story seemed to lessen when I used English to tell the

same story

I have always written because I have always had the urge to

tell stories but I cannot pinpoint the exact time when I decided

that I should try to be published I know now that it had some-

thing to do with reading work after work in which men of my

race culture or religious persuasion were portrayed as singu-

larly deviant violent backward and prone to terrorism while

the women were depicted as silent oppressed helpless and

waiting to be liberated by the kind foreigner I t hink I had had

enough of ldquosurrogate storytellersrdquo to use Sherman Alexiersquos

phrase in his introduction to Percival Everettrsquos Watershed The surrogate story tellers told a version of Moroccomdashmyste-

rious exotic at once overly sexual and sexually repressedmdashthat

seemed entirely removed from my reality or indeed the reality of

others around me Until I came of age and started rereading the

works I had approached with great innocence as a childmdashbook s

such as Tintin in the Land of Black Gold for instance or Tintin in

the CongomdashI had not had the desire to go through the trouble and

sacrifice it takes to be a published writer Still as I was finishing

graduate school my writing path beca me quite clear to me I had

always told stories but now I wanted to be heard

This essay was first published in World Literature Today

Reprinted with permisson from Laila Lalami

Laila Lalami is the author of three novels including The

Moorrsquos Account which won the American Book Award The

Arab American Book Award the HurstonWright Legacy

Award and was a finalist for the 2015 Pulitzer Prize for

Fiction She is the first guest in Oregon Humanitiesrsquo 2016

Think amp Drink series appearing in Portland on February 16

and Bend on February 17 Visit oregonhumanitiesorg for

more information and to buy tickets

Writing in French came

at a cost it inevitablybrought with it a colonial

baggage that I no longer

wanted to carry I started

to suffer from a peculiar

case of writerrsquos block If Icould not write in Arabic

perhaps I should not be

writing at all

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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31 FallWinter 2015 Move

A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good

LORETTA STINSON

I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M

every day after work waiting for Bruce to

get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching

myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me

sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on

from a distance at whatever is happening to

me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie

and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-

kick of the star or I play a supporting role but

I am definitely not the star of this movie The

moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom

just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been

able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed

freak for fifteen years

Sun through the small rectangular win-

dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats

wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in

1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from

the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom

watchi ng my past present a nd future selves

do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental

after another waiting for the next bad thing

to happen and not getting out of the way even

when I see it coming The habit of living in con-

stant fear and the resignation that nothing can

ever change are the glue that holds me in place

This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting

on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on

Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on

hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the

future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who

can only be counted on not to be counted on

In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses

and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about

J U L I A N N A B R I O N

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Oregon Humanities32

detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot

change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-

ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what

the old-timers were saying Needless to say

I didnrsquot

Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go

home and try some new strategy to make Bruce

quit using I once read a book about how sugar

was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding

him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein

diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck

them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat

and beer is a very filling meal in itself When

he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put

in front of him but speed and alcohol are his

drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-

ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never

remembers what he does to me and since he

doesnrsquot remember I have to forget

It be what it be Bruce says about all things

unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color

electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it

be Today I see things clearly for the first time

Today I see myself on this couch waiting for

someone else to do the changing Today I see

that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be

my life until the day he kills me or he dies or

I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been

disappointed too many times Addiction his to

drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove

been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot

see my part until now

My only friend has been telling me for

months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I

have left many times for a day or a week but

Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop

drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs

to me for the first time that this is absurd and a

huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe

itrsquos me who needs to change and not because

that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction

is his business

Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll

be wasted because it was payday and most of

his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-

ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood

alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or

hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how

those will interact with his mood the kind of

day he had and if hersquos eaten

None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for

such a long time that I could Like every person

who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that

if I did all the right things I would figure out a

way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on

his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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33 FallWinter 2015 Move

I worked like some kind of crazy statistician

making up story problems to predict what he

might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job

and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without

eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito

at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos

left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going

to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-

ing home mistakes his second wife for his first

wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out

Please show your work

I have never been able to figure out the rec-

ipe for equilibrium His or mine

Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce

comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not

wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face

slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat

the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says

Itrsquos not really a question but I answer

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him

clearly for the first time I see his addiction in

action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have

nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest

thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can

do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look

at him for too long when hersquos been drinking

kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash

you just back away slowly and try not to piss

him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows

too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how

little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs

to believe because he has to be mad at some-

one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom

just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by

the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about

nothing that it was never my face that pissed

him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He

needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave

to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do

no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a

revelation

He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you

looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on

the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-

spread that covers its stained sagging cush-

ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier

mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore

afraid when hersquos like this and they should be

Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that

hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what

if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities34

dead or at least not living just existing on the

edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story

Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom

suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am

afraid of being killed

I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to

make a home The china teacups that I str ung

together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks

in the window like a mobile The plants my

booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the

sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the

bed my dad and I refinished before I left home

The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday

The fifteen years of history we have together

one year short of half my life tonight not all of

it bad He is no monster just a man struggling

wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to

face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo

He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo

He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo

Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He

screams them at me knowing how in the past

these are the very words that made me cling to

him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go

Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but

this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest

the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about

his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does

Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom

seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man

Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried

to help for his own good right This man Irsquove

tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody

made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when

I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself

Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the

usual responseI know three things tonight Number one

If I stay this will be my life until I die Number

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities36

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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37 FallWinter 2015 Move

M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN

he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline

somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and

believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he

turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean

for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees

in rows

My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home

at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York

City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for

rows of buildings

ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says

In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark

skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the

Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n

My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I

met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo

My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too

often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance

of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He

was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister

a year later

My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my

father a suit They seem happy in the picture

Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put

half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband

My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years

My grandmother died

All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a

life rocked with waves

P A I G E

V I C K E R S

JASON ARI AS

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities38

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have

let that slip through thecracksrdquo

My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes

My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why

Grandma was hiding

Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here

To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-

vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where

we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We

have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo

I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened

My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next

closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed

a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time

tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the

process

Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends

Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his

giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist

until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again

We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in

the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-

ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-

lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be

Ama zons)

The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door

I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour

feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean

ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said

We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not

about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same

ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As

kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon

I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower

water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the

high tide after being beached again and again

One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom

decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia

One of my new Olympian friends flicked a

match that started a fire inside my mattress I

tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking

Mom came home and we put the burning

bed outside

This isnrsquot a metaphor

I slept on the floor of my bedroom that

night missing the ocean of Grayland while my

mom and sister shared their bed in the room

next to mine The next morning my mattress

was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-

ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a

popular song on the radio at the time One of us

would start singing the lyrics

How can we dance when our earth is turning

and then wersquod all join in

How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh

But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame

Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-

land That no matter how many times we

were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty

porous flotation device on which to try to

reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe

even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the

way we did as something gia nt and limit less

something to be feared and conquered some-

thing to be moved by

In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a

flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called

my name and the light receded back down the

hall disappearing into the living room and

slipping out the front door

We discovered that the flickering light had

left wax shapes on the carpet of our living

room that could have been bad pentagrams or

the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It

left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot

take any money It left us wondering if some

past boyfriend had found us somehow

Whi le we were out the next day somebody

hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment

door Mom winced at the divots denting the

wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing

mechanism once was with her hand

We left the dishes in the sink

We left no forwarding address

We boarded a bus

Two days later we were on the doorstep of

the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with

a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my

backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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39 FallWinter 2015 Move

in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever

received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer

trophies in the other

At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude

who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-

thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been

there were two concave smooth-skinned div-

ots She was always smiling I liked watching

how Jude listened

Before long the four of us moved into an

apartment between Portland and Gresham It

was right on the MAX line and right on the city

line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-

landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign

that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block

to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch

my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but

Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the

perfect space for her She said it was easier for

her to know where everything was in a smaller

environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond

than an ocean

One day Jude brought her new boyfriend

home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo

ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said

Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor

and said ldquo White peoplerdquo

I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was

wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what

ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to

a blind person

Red is the rage in your gut

White is the entrapment of the disabled

One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend

and her room became a closet again

We saw her a little and then not at all

Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to

Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally

almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of

my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday

cards and pictures that were inside it

Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-

day cards away

My wife and I began archiving our new fam-

ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with

the rest of them Our sons grew I became an

uncle My grandfather remarried and went

crazy My mother still has the same smile she

had when I was young

Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a

bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple

of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary

There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help

you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear

Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie

each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out

If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads

directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end

points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably

guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock

between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled

and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long

by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of

human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of

the Mayan calendar

In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and

I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of

the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam

When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-

land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else

ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says

one night while wersquore lying in bed

And I do

I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that

had to happen I listen to our breath

In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I

make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My

finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving

And then the line disappears

And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and

falling together

Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the

Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life

Poems and Stories of the Dead

If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between

Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities40

READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts

One hundred moves and not one of

them associated with the military

a job or being on the run

The Ledger

Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G

through a yard sale I picked up an old

ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-

ance Company of New York A large thin hard-

bound ledger black with a red spine eleven

inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by

insurance agents to track insurers and their

policies all entries written by hand There was

only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty

cents the rest of the pages were blank After

years of treasuring its antiquity but making

no entries of my own I tore the one used page

out and decided to start tracking al l my moves

before my memory lost track I sat down and

recorded all the moves I remembered over one

hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my

parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them

associated with the military a job or being on

the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-

derlust and exploration then relationships

and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad

landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just

being unable as a single parent to bear the rent

and high heating bills Once my oldest son and

I landed in a decent house that could hold us

indefinitely After three months I was drawn to

cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted

to gather them touch them fill their empti-

ness with our lives When I realized what was

going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in

that house for two years then moved to Hawai i

Now the kids are grown the grandkids are

teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos

no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-

foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a

semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided

me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she

said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo

As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot

out of my feet and sink into the ground I was

so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here

three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot

want to move

What have I lea rned th rough al l these

moves Adaptability being and living in the

now and that there is glory in both staying and

moving but it is much easier and cheaper to

stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland

Out of the Nest

I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E

back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze

tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last

time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex

where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs

Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot

stepped inside the apartment for eight months

To do so would risk my life

ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-

tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February

I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following

weekmdashfor six months

Left behind with Michael were our surro-

gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy

and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned

starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier

It was last October when I first developed

symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-

ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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41 FallWinter 2015 Move

This is where the plates layers of crust

crashed into each other in a fiery show

perhaps tens of thousands of years ago

Soon breathing was excruciating I took

shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain

Paralyzing fatigue set in

My endocrinologist suspected chronic

obstructive pulmonary disease which made

little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I

began scouring descriptions of lung conditions

Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity

pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung

Relief and terror flooded in

If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-

monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a

terminal condition in which scarring causes

respiratory failure within three to five years

Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif

caught early But the solution is drastic We

would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-

ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even

be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the

parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would

have a new ending

Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms

lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper

grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-

pice moments before plummeting

Today we are moving the last of our belong-

ings into our first house The kitties and birdies

have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed

While I cannot hold my babies I watch them

on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the

two-way speaker

From rescue feedings to teenage angst to

nighttime vigils during illness in caring for

these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging

from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety

Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey

take their first tentative steps toward flight

Today I learned the most painful lesson let-

ting go

MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene

Subduction Zones

T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK

were on an af ternoon in early Septem-

ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for

the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper

and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our

ankles

Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-

berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend

and is directly responsible for the creation of

Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back

then one that I sometimes imagined looked

like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus

Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of

the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale

their name suggests but the result of plates

shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-

tion led to the formation of the trio This is

where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into

each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-

sands of years ago Subduction zones are places

where great trauma lies

And here I was all these years later in the

shadows of these mountains loss everywhere

Later that day back at our apartment we

walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit

into anymore For more than a year we went

through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern

Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that

followed us Then one day our four-year-old

daughter started a conversation that shook me

ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo

I nodded

ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so

sadrdquo

Six words leapt at me

ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo

We moved back to Ash land where brig ht

red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-

hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot

know it then but we were charting our own

map however imperfect Healing crept up on

us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-

ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew

Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng

up the darkness Seventeen years passed

And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most

folks want to flee helps you see things more

clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in

its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along

VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland

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Oregon Humanities42POSTS

continued from previous page

Just to

underscore

how settled we

planned to be

we unpacked

EverythingEven the

heirloom china

which had never

before left its

boxes We were

here to stay

Dance Church

SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I

go to church Dance church A church

where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers

to recite A church where at first glance outsid-

ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon

arriving I see a few little munchkins running

around with oversize neon headphones on to

protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music

set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with

rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors

There are flowers candles pillow puddles

beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some

kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in

alignment with the morningrsquos intention

As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s

become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-

tainer in which I can move once again after

years of chronic freezing and dissociating A

trapped animal released back into the wild

wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom

in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism

evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with

anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our

spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist

The music awakens the holy spirit within

me and dances me through throngs of people

I am an antelope cut loose checking out the

creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns

bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms

Each stunning in their authentic movement I

see people falling in love with each other from

a distance I see a girl rocking four different

Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed

like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands

ldquopracticing dancingrdquo

This is the church of Miriam the biblical

tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of

years later I move here and I am reunited with

my self my best self my most curious mischie-

vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self

Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten

invited back in the room to whip her hair back

and forth I throw my head back in delight and

laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like

hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form

of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music

EMILY I BEDAL Portland

Again

M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R

upwardly mobile engineer That trans-

lated into at least one move per year until I was

eight and another address for high school I

moved every year in college one year twice I

moved three times during my first stint in Bos-

ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-

ment for the whole two years Then it was back

to Boston where I lived in five different homes

in five years

Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for

the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe

two years back East then back to New Mexico

in two different cities three different homes

Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates

what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo

From Albuquerque we moved to our present

home in Port Orford my thirt ieth

Moving has always been exciting cathar-

tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books

by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally

donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-

ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated

magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets

ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit

thatrsquos never happened In each new house

wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos

never worked

We vowed Port Orford would be our final

ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore

how settled we planned to be we unpacked

Everything Even the heirloom china which

had never before left its boxes We were here

to stay

Except it seems wersquore going to have to move

again but not for the exciting futures wersquod

always envisioned before Now we need doctors

and hospitals and a nearby airport for family

visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is

on the other side of adventure Now we need a

place to feel safe secure

So the sorting and throwing out is about to

begin yet again There are closets and drawers

that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to

dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of

booksmdashto give away This move exciting No

way The very thought of it exhausts me

Still those other feelings cathartic freeing

new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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43 FallWinter 2015 Move

Next theme Root

For the Spring 2016 issue tell

us your stories about rooting

around taking root being

uprooted or root-bound getting

to the root of a problem being

the root of the problem rooting

someone on Share stories and

ideas about beginnings origins

and foundations Analyze a

historical or contemporary

grassroots effort Describe

the tension between staying

put and being stuck Send your

submission (400 words maxi-

mum) by February 15 2016 to

postsoregonhumanitiesorg

Submissions may be edited for

space or clarity

Listen to Your Body

I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y

motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease

Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit

and spot-on timing Though she was confined

to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was

still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her

sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-

cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone

have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but

aching joints diminished strength and a fal-

tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back

Those maladies werenrsquot the result of

chronic disease More like lack of exercise At

some point in the past decade or so I developed

an aversion to any fitness routine That choice

has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo

class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community

Center

Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the

center for the past thirty-six years teaches

the dance-infused workout three days a week

Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at

the core of each class She dispenses praise as

we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform

deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements

and she encourages each of us to breathe and

listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably

youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying

ballet seriously By then her versatility as an

actress singer dancer and comedian had been

evident in community theater productions in

the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although

not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few

years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe

continues to lead a full life She can still stand

and press her palms flat to the floor despite

relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip

notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg

and stretch at the barre

A role model for agi ng wit h presence and

dignity Lynn maintains her considerable

charm and elegance and purposely keeps her

body and mind active Like my mother she

is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has

inspired me to accept what my body can do

today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow

Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for

getting up in the morning And by some mea-

sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE

Portland

Over the Hill

I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D

eleven times in three years I worked spring

through fall as a natural history guide in

Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure

where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned

into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply

moved around A lot With each new tempo-

rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked

clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was

nothing

At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the

person who would become my life partner

another seasonal worker We would move from

Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We

lived one magical off-season on a houseboat

on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the

ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught

me I loved wide-open spaces What could be

wider than the Pacific A fter one more season

of guiding I came back to the coast and decided

to stay

I volunteered my way into one steady job

and eventually landed another at the local

college After a few more seasons my partner

came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota

and we bought another together He built a

business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our

hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and

had a child Wersquod officially settled down

The economic hardships of rural living

however are real job opportunities decline

and can no longer support the life wersquove built

The accumulation of years no longer fits into

the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner

took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast

and we lived as a split family The split was tax-

ing though so we decided to make the move

to the city We left the first community of our

adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven

ourselves The only community our daughter

has even known Friends asked me not to go

Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart

still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the

sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes

at the memory of that moon over Tillamook

Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot

nothingmdashitrsquos every thing

NANCY SLAVIN Portland

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Oregon Humanities44

Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm

LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015

This intertwined story of two

teenage girls and their mothers

is set in New Orleans during

and after Hurricane Katrina

In her debut novel Urbani an

Oregon writer with Southern

roots brings a maternal touch

to the narrative handling trag-

edy with a careful soulfulness

and love This honest yet brutal

story will simultaneously break

and warm your heart

mdashAnnie Kaffen

At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015

Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French

Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the

Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural

French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-

tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans

and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a

snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland

Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015

Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the

Oregon physician and radicalrsquos

extraordinary experiences

from her early years working in

a textile mill in New Bedford

Massachusetts through her

activist years in Oregon includ-

ing a three-year term at San

Quentin State Prison Equi lived

openly as a lesbian beginning in

the 1890s and was one of the

first practicing female doctors

in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and

compassion for others with a

strong personal belief in social

and economic justice

mdashCarole Shel lhart

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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45 FallWinter 2015 Move

People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015

This debut collection from

Portland writer Margaret

Malone is filled with brief

bitterly funny stories about the

sort of people who tie them-

selves in knots in their heads

and feel uncomfortable in their

own skin and can never quite

bring themselves to say the

words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point

includes all of us

mdashBen Waterhouse

The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015

Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer

The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with

Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research

for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the

first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of

revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced

a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer

in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he

writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo

mdashMaggie Starr

To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for

Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon

Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205

Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe

Sasquatch Books 2015

Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter

Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt

to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography

in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers

a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden

rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance

sounds smells and much more

mdashBen Waterhouse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities46

Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson

February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum

1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg

CROPPINGS

Wendy Red Star Untitled

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities programs are

funded by the National Endowment

for the Humanities and the Oregon

Cultural Trust and by contributions from

individuals foundations community

organizations and corporations For

more information about Oregon

Humanities or to learn how you can help

more Oregonians get together share

ideas listen think and grow please

contact us at

921 SW Washington Street Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax

(503) 241-0024

ohmoregonhumanitiesorg

oregonhumanitiesorg

Staff

e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r

Adam Davis

facilitation and tra ining manager

Rachel Bernstein

communicationsprogram associate

Eloise Holland

editorassociate director

Kathleen Holt

development director

Kamla Hurst

program officer

Annie Kaffen

office manager

Mikaela Schey

director of finance and oper ations

Carole Shellhart

development associate

Maggie Starr

communications associate

Ben Waterhouse

program coordinator

Kyle Weismann-Yee

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Board of Directorsch a i r

Sona Karentz Andrews Portland

v ic e ch a i r

Janet Webster Newport

tr e a s u r e r

Jeff Cronn Portland

secretary

Matthew Boulay Salem

Paul Duden Portland

Kimberly Howard Portland

Nels Johnson Portland

Emily Karr Portland

Shannon Mara Bend

Win McCormack Portland

Alberto Moreno Portland

Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego

Ron Paul Portland

Denise Reed Astoria

Chantal Strobel Bend

Dave Weich Portland

Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED

Non-profit Org

US Postage

PAID

Permit No 1274

Portland OR

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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31 FallWinter 2015 Move

A shift in perspective helps a woman move on for good

LORETTA STINSON

I WA T C H O P R A H O N T V A T 4 0 0 P M

every day after work waiting for Bruce to

get home from the bar but today Irsquom watching

myself watch Oprah on TV This happens to me

sometimes I suddenly find myself looking on

from a distance at whatever is happening to

me like Irsquom an actor in a made-for-TV movie

and Irsquom not even the star Maybe Irsquom the side-

kick of the star or I play a supporting role but

I am definitely not the star of this movie The

moment is happening to someone else and Irsquom

just watch ing it all unfold Itrsquos how Irsquove been

able to live with an abusive alcoholic speed

freak for fifteen years

Sun through the small rectangular win-

dows glazes the room in gold This is my favor-ite place of the close to thirty rentals and squats

wersquove had since we star ted liv ing together in

1980 Irsquom waiting for Bruce to get home from

the bar with whatrsquos left of his paycheck Irsquom

watchi ng my past present a nd future selves

do this same thi ngmdashsit on a couch in one rental

after another waiting for the next bad thing

to happen and not getting out of the way even

when I see it coming The habit of living in con-

stant fear and the resignation that nothing can

ever change are the glue that holds me in place

This will always be my life Irsquoll be waiting

on Bruce to change as long as I am waiting on

Bruce to change Irsquove been putting my life on

hold to be lived at some unspecified date in the

future and it all depends on Bruce Bruce who

can only be counted on not to be counted on

In all the family support programs Irsquovegone to over the years Irsquove heard the spouses

and partners of all t ypes of addicts talk about

J U L I A N N A B R I O N

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Oregon Humanities32

detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot

change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-

ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what

the old-timers were saying Needless to say

I didnrsquot

Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go

home and try some new strategy to make Bruce

quit using I once read a book about how sugar

was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding

him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein

diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck

them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat

and beer is a very filling meal in itself When

he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put

in front of him but speed and alcohol are his

drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-

ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never

remembers what he does to me and since he

doesnrsquot remember I have to forget

It be what it be Bruce says about all things

unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color

electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it

be Today I see things clearly for the first time

Today I see myself on this couch waiting for

someone else to do the changing Today I see

that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be

my life until the day he kills me or he dies or

I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been

disappointed too many times Addiction his to

drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove

been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot

see my part until now

My only friend has been telling me for

months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I

have left many times for a day or a week but

Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop

drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs

to me for the first time that this is absurd and a

huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe

itrsquos me who needs to change and not because

that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction

is his business

Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll

be wasted because it was payday and most of

his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-

ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood

alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or

hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how

those will interact with his mood the kind of

day he had and if hersquos eaten

None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for

such a long time that I could Like every person

who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that

if I did all the right things I would figure out a

way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on

his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine

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33 FallWinter 2015 Move

I worked like some kind of crazy statistician

making up story problems to predict what he

might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job

and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without

eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito

at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos

left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going

to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-

ing home mistakes his second wife for his first

wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out

Please show your work

I have never been able to figure out the rec-

ipe for equilibrium His or mine

Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce

comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not

wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face

slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat

the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says

Itrsquos not really a question but I answer

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him

clearly for the first time I see his addiction in

action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have

nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest

thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can

do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look

at him for too long when hersquos been drinking

kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash

you just back away slowly and try not to piss

him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows

too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how

little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs

to believe because he has to be mad at some-

one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom

just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by

the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about

nothing that it was never my face that pissed

him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He

needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave

to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do

no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a

revelation

He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you

looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on

the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-

spread that covers its stained sagging cush-

ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier

mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore

afraid when hersquos like this and they should be

Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that

hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what

if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already

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Oregon Humanities34

dead or at least not living just existing on the

edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story

Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom

suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am

afraid of being killed

I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to

make a home The china teacups that I str ung

together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks

in the window like a mobile The plants my

booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the

sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the

bed my dad and I refinished before I left home

The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday

The fifteen years of history we have together

one year short of half my life tonight not all of

it bad He is no monster just a man struggling

wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to

face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo

He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo

He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo

Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He

screams them at me knowing how in the past

these are the very words that made me cling to

him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go

Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but

this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest

the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about

his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does

Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom

seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man

Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried

to help for his own good right This man Irsquove

tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody

made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when

I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself

Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the

usual responseI know three things tonight Number one

If I stay this will be my life until I die Number

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities36

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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37 FallWinter 2015 Move

M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN

he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline

somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and

believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he

turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean

for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees

in rows

My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home

at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York

City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for

rows of buildings

ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says

In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark

skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the

Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n

My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I

met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo

My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too

often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance

of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He

was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister

a year later

My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my

father a suit They seem happy in the picture

Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put

half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband

My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years

My grandmother died

All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a

life rocked with waves

P A I G E

V I C K E R S

JASON ARI AS

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Oregon Humanities38

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have

let that slip through thecracksrdquo

My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes

My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why

Grandma was hiding

Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here

To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-

vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where

we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We

have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo

I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened

My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next

closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed

a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time

tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the

process

Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends

Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his

giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist

until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again

We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in

the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-

ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-

lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be

Ama zons)

The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door

I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour

feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean

ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said

We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not

about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same

ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As

kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon

I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower

water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the

high tide after being beached again and again

One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom

decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia

One of my new Olympian friends flicked a

match that started a fire inside my mattress I

tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking

Mom came home and we put the burning

bed outside

This isnrsquot a metaphor

I slept on the floor of my bedroom that

night missing the ocean of Grayland while my

mom and sister shared their bed in the room

next to mine The next morning my mattress

was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-

ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a

popular song on the radio at the time One of us

would start singing the lyrics

How can we dance when our earth is turning

and then wersquod all join in

How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh

But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame

Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-

land That no matter how many times we

were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty

porous flotation device on which to try to

reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe

even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the

way we did as something gia nt and limit less

something to be feared and conquered some-

thing to be moved by

In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a

flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called

my name and the light receded back down the

hall disappearing into the living room and

slipping out the front door

We discovered that the flickering light had

left wax shapes on the carpet of our living

room that could have been bad pentagrams or

the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It

left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot

take any money It left us wondering if some

past boyfriend had found us somehow

Whi le we were out the next day somebody

hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment

door Mom winced at the divots denting the

wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing

mechanism once was with her hand

We left the dishes in the sink

We left no forwarding address

We boarded a bus

Two days later we were on the doorstep of

the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with

a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my

backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase

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39 FallWinter 2015 Move

in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever

received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer

trophies in the other

At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude

who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-

thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been

there were two concave smooth-skinned div-

ots She was always smiling I liked watching

how Jude listened

Before long the four of us moved into an

apartment between Portland and Gresham It

was right on the MAX line and right on the city

line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-

landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign

that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block

to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch

my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but

Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the

perfect space for her She said it was easier for

her to know where everything was in a smaller

environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond

than an ocean

One day Jude brought her new boyfriend

home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo

ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said

Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor

and said ldquo White peoplerdquo

I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was

wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what

ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to

a blind person

Red is the rage in your gut

White is the entrapment of the disabled

One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend

and her room became a closet again

We saw her a little and then not at all

Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to

Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally

almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of

my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday

cards and pictures that were inside it

Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-

day cards away

My wife and I began archiving our new fam-

ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with

the rest of them Our sons grew I became an

uncle My grandfather remarried and went

crazy My mother still has the same smile she

had when I was young

Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a

bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple

of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary

There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help

you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear

Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie

each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out

If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads

directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end

points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably

guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock

between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled

and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long

by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of

human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of

the Mayan calendar

In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and

I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of

the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam

When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-

land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else

ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says

one night while wersquore lying in bed

And I do

I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that

had to happen I listen to our breath

In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I

make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My

finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving

And then the line disappears

And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and

falling together

Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the

Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life

Poems and Stories of the Dead

If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between

Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous

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Oregon Humanities40

READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts

One hundred moves and not one of

them associated with the military

a job or being on the run

The Ledger

Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G

through a yard sale I picked up an old

ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-

ance Company of New York A large thin hard-

bound ledger black with a red spine eleven

inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by

insurance agents to track insurers and their

policies all entries written by hand There was

only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty

cents the rest of the pages were blank After

years of treasuring its antiquity but making

no entries of my own I tore the one used page

out and decided to start tracking al l my moves

before my memory lost track I sat down and

recorded all the moves I remembered over one

hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my

parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them

associated with the military a job or being on

the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-

derlust and exploration then relationships

and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad

landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just

being unable as a single parent to bear the rent

and high heating bills Once my oldest son and

I landed in a decent house that could hold us

indefinitely After three months I was drawn to

cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted

to gather them touch them fill their empti-

ness with our lives When I realized what was

going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in

that house for two years then moved to Hawai i

Now the kids are grown the grandkids are

teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos

no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-

foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a

semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided

me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she

said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo

As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot

out of my feet and sink into the ground I was

so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here

three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot

want to move

What have I lea rned th rough al l these

moves Adaptability being and living in the

now and that there is glory in both staying and

moving but it is much easier and cheaper to

stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland

Out of the Nest

I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E

back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze

tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last

time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex

where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs

Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot

stepped inside the apartment for eight months

To do so would risk my life

ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-

tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February

I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following

weekmdashfor six months

Left behind with Michael were our surro-

gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy

and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned

starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier

It was last October when I first developed

symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-

ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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41 FallWinter 2015 Move

This is where the plates layers of crust

crashed into each other in a fiery show

perhaps tens of thousands of years ago

Soon breathing was excruciating I took

shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain

Paralyzing fatigue set in

My endocrinologist suspected chronic

obstructive pulmonary disease which made

little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I

began scouring descriptions of lung conditions

Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity

pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung

Relief and terror flooded in

If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-

monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a

terminal condition in which scarring causes

respiratory failure within three to five years

Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif

caught early But the solution is drastic We

would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-

ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even

be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the

parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would

have a new ending

Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms

lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper

grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-

pice moments before plummeting

Today we are moving the last of our belong-

ings into our first house The kitties and birdies

have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed

While I cannot hold my babies I watch them

on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the

two-way speaker

From rescue feedings to teenage angst to

nighttime vigils during illness in caring for

these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging

from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety

Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey

take their first tentative steps toward flight

Today I learned the most painful lesson let-

ting go

MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene

Subduction Zones

T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK

were on an af ternoon in early Septem-

ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for

the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper

and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our

ankles

Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-

berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend

and is directly responsible for the creation of

Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back

then one that I sometimes imagined looked

like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus

Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of

the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale

their name suggests but the result of plates

shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-

tion led to the formation of the trio This is

where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into

each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-

sands of years ago Subduction zones are places

where great trauma lies

And here I was all these years later in the

shadows of these mountains loss everywhere

Later that day back at our apartment we

walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit

into anymore For more than a year we went

through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern

Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that

followed us Then one day our four-year-old

daughter started a conversation that shook me

ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo

I nodded

ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so

sadrdquo

Six words leapt at me

ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo

We moved back to Ash land where brig ht

red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-

hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot

know it then but we were charting our own

map however imperfect Healing crept up on

us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-

ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew

Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng

up the darkness Seventeen years passed

And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most

folks want to flee helps you see things more

clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in

its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along

VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities42POSTS

continued from previous page

Just to

underscore

how settled we

planned to be

we unpacked

EverythingEven the

heirloom china

which had never

before left its

boxes We were

here to stay

Dance Church

SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I

go to church Dance church A church

where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers

to recite A church where at first glance outsid-

ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon

arriving I see a few little munchkins running

around with oversize neon headphones on to

protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music

set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with

rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors

There are flowers candles pillow puddles

beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some

kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in

alignment with the morningrsquos intention

As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s

become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-

tainer in which I can move once again after

years of chronic freezing and dissociating A

trapped animal released back into the wild

wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom

in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism

evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with

anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our

spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist

The music awakens the holy spirit within

me and dances me through throngs of people

I am an antelope cut loose checking out the

creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns

bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms

Each stunning in their authentic movement I

see people falling in love with each other from

a distance I see a girl rocking four different

Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed

like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands

ldquopracticing dancingrdquo

This is the church of Miriam the biblical

tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of

years later I move here and I am reunited with

my self my best self my most curious mischie-

vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self

Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten

invited back in the room to whip her hair back

and forth I throw my head back in delight and

laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like

hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form

of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music

EMILY I BEDAL Portland

Again

M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R

upwardly mobile engineer That trans-

lated into at least one move per year until I was

eight and another address for high school I

moved every year in college one year twice I

moved three times during my first stint in Bos-

ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-

ment for the whole two years Then it was back

to Boston where I lived in five different homes

in five years

Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for

the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe

two years back East then back to New Mexico

in two different cities three different homes

Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates

what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo

From Albuquerque we moved to our present

home in Port Orford my thirt ieth

Moving has always been exciting cathar-

tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books

by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally

donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-

ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated

magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets

ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit

thatrsquos never happened In each new house

wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos

never worked

We vowed Port Orford would be our final

ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore

how settled we planned to be we unpacked

Everything Even the heirloom china which

had never before left its boxes We were here

to stay

Except it seems wersquore going to have to move

again but not for the exciting futures wersquod

always envisioned before Now we need doctors

and hospitals and a nearby airport for family

visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is

on the other side of adventure Now we need a

place to feel safe secure

So the sorting and throwing out is about to

begin yet again There are closets and drawers

that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to

dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of

booksmdashto give away This move exciting No

way The very thought of it exhausts me

Still those other feelings cathartic freeing

new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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43 FallWinter 2015 Move

Next theme Root

For the Spring 2016 issue tell

us your stories about rooting

around taking root being

uprooted or root-bound getting

to the root of a problem being

the root of the problem rooting

someone on Share stories and

ideas about beginnings origins

and foundations Analyze a

historical or contemporary

grassroots effort Describe

the tension between staying

put and being stuck Send your

submission (400 words maxi-

mum) by February 15 2016 to

postsoregonhumanitiesorg

Submissions may be edited for

space or clarity

Listen to Your Body

I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y

motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease

Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit

and spot-on timing Though she was confined

to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was

still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her

sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-

cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone

have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but

aching joints diminished strength and a fal-

tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back

Those maladies werenrsquot the result of

chronic disease More like lack of exercise At

some point in the past decade or so I developed

an aversion to any fitness routine That choice

has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo

class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community

Center

Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the

center for the past thirty-six years teaches

the dance-infused workout three days a week

Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at

the core of each class She dispenses praise as

we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform

deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements

and she encourages each of us to breathe and

listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably

youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying

ballet seriously By then her versatility as an

actress singer dancer and comedian had been

evident in community theater productions in

the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although

not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few

years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe

continues to lead a full life She can still stand

and press her palms flat to the floor despite

relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip

notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg

and stretch at the barre

A role model for agi ng wit h presence and

dignity Lynn maintains her considerable

charm and elegance and purposely keeps her

body and mind active Like my mother she

is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has

inspired me to accept what my body can do

today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow

Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for

getting up in the morning And by some mea-

sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE

Portland

Over the Hill

I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D

eleven times in three years I worked spring

through fall as a natural history guide in

Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure

where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned

into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply

moved around A lot With each new tempo-

rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked

clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was

nothing

At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the

person who would become my life partner

another seasonal worker We would move from

Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We

lived one magical off-season on a houseboat

on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the

ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught

me I loved wide-open spaces What could be

wider than the Pacific A fter one more season

of guiding I came back to the coast and decided

to stay

I volunteered my way into one steady job

and eventually landed another at the local

college After a few more seasons my partner

came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota

and we bought another together He built a

business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our

hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and

had a child Wersquod officially settled down

The economic hardships of rural living

however are real job opportunities decline

and can no longer support the life wersquove built

The accumulation of years no longer fits into

the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner

took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast

and we lived as a split family The split was tax-

ing though so we decided to make the move

to the city We left the first community of our

adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven

ourselves The only community our daughter

has even known Friends asked me not to go

Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart

still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the

sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes

at the memory of that moon over Tillamook

Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot

nothingmdashitrsquos every thing

NANCY SLAVIN Portland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities44

Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm

LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015

This intertwined story of two

teenage girls and their mothers

is set in New Orleans during

and after Hurricane Katrina

In her debut novel Urbani an

Oregon writer with Southern

roots brings a maternal touch

to the narrative handling trag-

edy with a careful soulfulness

and love This honest yet brutal

story will simultaneously break

and warm your heart

mdashAnnie Kaffen

At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015

Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French

Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the

Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural

French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-

tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans

and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a

snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland

Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015

Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the

Oregon physician and radicalrsquos

extraordinary experiences

from her early years working in

a textile mill in New Bedford

Massachusetts through her

activist years in Oregon includ-

ing a three-year term at San

Quentin State Prison Equi lived

openly as a lesbian beginning in

the 1890s and was one of the

first practicing female doctors

in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and

compassion for others with a

strong personal belief in social

and economic justice

mdashCarole Shel lhart

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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45 FallWinter 2015 Move

People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015

This debut collection from

Portland writer Margaret

Malone is filled with brief

bitterly funny stories about the

sort of people who tie them-

selves in knots in their heads

and feel uncomfortable in their

own skin and can never quite

bring themselves to say the

words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point

includes all of us

mdashBen Waterhouse

The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015

Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer

The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with

Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research

for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the

first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of

revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced

a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer

in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he

writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo

mdashMaggie Starr

To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for

Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon

Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205

Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe

Sasquatch Books 2015

Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter

Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt

to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography

in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers

a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden

rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance

sounds smells and much more

mdashBen Waterhouse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities46

Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson

February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum

1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg

CROPPINGS

Wendy Red Star Untitled

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities programs are

funded by the National Endowment

for the Humanities and the Oregon

Cultural Trust and by contributions from

individuals foundations community

organizations and corporations For

more information about Oregon

Humanities or to learn how you can help

more Oregonians get together share

ideas listen think and grow please

contact us at

921 SW Washington Street Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax

(503) 241-0024

ohmoregonhumanitiesorg

oregonhumanitiesorg

Staff

e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r

Adam Davis

facilitation and tra ining manager

Rachel Bernstein

communicationsprogram associate

Eloise Holland

editorassociate director

Kathleen Holt

development director

Kamla Hurst

program officer

Annie Kaffen

office manager

Mikaela Schey

director of finance and oper ations

Carole Shellhart

development associate

Maggie Starr

communications associate

Ben Waterhouse

program coordinator

Kyle Weismann-Yee

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Board of Directorsch a i r

Sona Karentz Andrews Portland

v ic e ch a i r

Janet Webster Newport

tr e a s u r e r

Jeff Cronn Portland

secretary

Matthew Boulay Salem

Paul Duden Portland

Kimberly Howard Portland

Nels Johnson Portland

Emily Karr Portland

Shannon Mara Bend

Win McCormack Portland

Alberto Moreno Portland

Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego

Ron Paul Portland

Denise Reed Astoria

Chantal Strobel Bend

Dave Weich Portland

Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED

Non-profit Org

US Postage

PAID

Permit No 1274

Portland OR

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities32

detachment Irsquove heard people say you canrsquot

change anybody but yourself and Irsquove nod-

ded my head and smiled sagely like I got what

the old-timers were saying Needless to say

I didnrsquot

Af ter the meeti ngs and the therapy Irsquod go

home and try some new strategy to make Bruce

quit using I once read a book about how sugar

was the basis of all addictions so I tried feeding

him (when hersquod eat) a sugar-free high-protein

diet I bought vitamins and herbs and snuck

them into his food but speed freaks donrsquot eat

and beer is a very filling meal in itself When

he was just high on pot hersquod eat whatever I put

in front of him but speed and alcohol are his

drugs of choice They act like rocket fuel ignit-

ing his rage and precipitating his blackoutsThe blackouts last for hours for days He never

remembers what he does to me and since he

doesnrsquot remember I have to forget

It be what it be Bruce says about all things

unchangeable and unknowablemdasheye color

electricity his need to be highmdashit be what it

be Today I see things clearly for the first time

Today I see myself on this couch waiting for

someone else to do the changing Today I see

that this stuck-ness is all mine This will be

my life until the day he kills me or he dies or

I leave I canrsquot count on his recovery Irsquove been

disappointed too many times Addiction his to

drugs and mine to him are so habitual Wersquove

been doing a dance all these years and I didnrsquot

see my part until now

My only friend has been telling me for

months that when Irsquom ready Irsquoll leave and I

have left many times for a day or a week but

Irsquove always come back hoping he would stop

drink ing stop using stop hurting me It occurs

to me for the first time that this is absurd and a

huge waste of time It occurs to me that maybe

itrsquos me who needs to change and not because

that will fix him somehow Maybe his addiction

is his business

Soon enough Bruce will come home Hersquoll

be wasted because it was payday and most of

his check will likely be gone I calculate thescenarios that may or may not unfold depend-

ing on my husbandrsquos chemical screen for blood

alcohol crank any stray pharmaceuticals or

hallucinogens hersquos traded or bought and how

those will interact with his mood the kind of

day he had and if hersquos eaten

None of it I can control but Irsquove believed for

such a long time that I could Like every person

who has ever loved an addict Irsquove believed that

if I did all the right things I would figure out a

way to fix him A ll my ener gy was focused on

his recovery his addictionmdashhis life not mine

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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33 FallWinter 2015 Move

I worked like some kind of crazy statistician

making up story problems to predict what he

might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job

and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without

eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito

at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos

left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going

to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-

ing home mistakes his second wife for his first

wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out

Please show your work

I have never been able to figure out the rec-

ipe for equilibrium His or mine

Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce

comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not

wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face

slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat

the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says

Itrsquos not really a question but I answer

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him

clearly for the first time I see his addiction in

action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have

nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest

thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can

do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look

at him for too long when hersquos been drinking

kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash

you just back away slowly and try not to piss

him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows

too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how

little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs

to believe because he has to be mad at some-

one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom

just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by

the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about

nothing that it was never my face that pissed

him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He

needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave

to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do

no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a

revelation

He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you

looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on

the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-

spread that covers its stained sagging cush-

ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier

mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore

afraid when hersquos like this and they should be

Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that

hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what

if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities34

dead or at least not living just existing on the

edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story

Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom

suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am

afraid of being killed

I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to

make a home The china teacups that I str ung

together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks

in the window like a mobile The plants my

booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the

sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the

bed my dad and I refinished before I left home

The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday

The fifteen years of history we have together

one year short of half my life tonight not all of

it bad He is no monster just a man struggling

wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to

face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo

He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo

He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo

Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He

screams them at me knowing how in the past

these are the very words that made me cling to

him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go

Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but

this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest

the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about

his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does

Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom

seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man

Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried

to help for his own good right This man Irsquove

tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody

made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when

I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself

Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the

usual responseI know three things tonight Number one

If I stay this will be my life until I die Number

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities36

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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37 FallWinter 2015 Move

M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN

he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline

somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and

believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he

turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean

for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees

in rows

My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home

at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York

City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for

rows of buildings

ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says

In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark

skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the

Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n

My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I

met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo

My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too

often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance

of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He

was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister

a year later

My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my

father a suit They seem happy in the picture

Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put

half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband

My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years

My grandmother died

All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a

life rocked with waves

P A I G E

V I C K E R S

JASON ARI AS

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities38

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have

let that slip through thecracksrdquo

My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes

My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why

Grandma was hiding

Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here

To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-

vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where

we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We

have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo

I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened

My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next

closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed

a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time

tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the

process

Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends

Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his

giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist

until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again

We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in

the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-

ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-

lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be

Ama zons)

The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door

I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour

feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean

ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said

We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not

about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same

ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As

kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon

I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower

water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the

high tide after being beached again and again

One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom

decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia

One of my new Olympian friends flicked a

match that started a fire inside my mattress I

tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking

Mom came home and we put the burning

bed outside

This isnrsquot a metaphor

I slept on the floor of my bedroom that

night missing the ocean of Grayland while my

mom and sister shared their bed in the room

next to mine The next morning my mattress

was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-

ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a

popular song on the radio at the time One of us

would start singing the lyrics

How can we dance when our earth is turning

and then wersquod all join in

How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh

But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame

Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-

land That no matter how many times we

were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty

porous flotation device on which to try to

reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe

even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the

way we did as something gia nt and limit less

something to be feared and conquered some-

thing to be moved by

In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a

flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called

my name and the light receded back down the

hall disappearing into the living room and

slipping out the front door

We discovered that the flickering light had

left wax shapes on the carpet of our living

room that could have been bad pentagrams or

the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It

left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot

take any money It left us wondering if some

past boyfriend had found us somehow

Whi le we were out the next day somebody

hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment

door Mom winced at the divots denting the

wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing

mechanism once was with her hand

We left the dishes in the sink

We left no forwarding address

We boarded a bus

Two days later we were on the doorstep of

the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with

a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my

backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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39 FallWinter 2015 Move

in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever

received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer

trophies in the other

At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude

who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-

thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been

there were two concave smooth-skinned div-

ots She was always smiling I liked watching

how Jude listened

Before long the four of us moved into an

apartment between Portland and Gresham It

was right on the MAX line and right on the city

line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-

landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign

that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block

to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch

my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but

Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the

perfect space for her She said it was easier for

her to know where everything was in a smaller

environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond

than an ocean

One day Jude brought her new boyfriend

home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo

ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said

Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor

and said ldquo White peoplerdquo

I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was

wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what

ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to

a blind person

Red is the rage in your gut

White is the entrapment of the disabled

One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend

and her room became a closet again

We saw her a little and then not at all

Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to

Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally

almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of

my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday

cards and pictures that were inside it

Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-

day cards away

My wife and I began archiving our new fam-

ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with

the rest of them Our sons grew I became an

uncle My grandfather remarried and went

crazy My mother still has the same smile she

had when I was young

Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a

bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple

of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary

There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help

you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear

Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie

each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out

If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads

directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end

points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably

guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock

between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled

and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long

by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of

human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of

the Mayan calendar

In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and

I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of

the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam

When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-

land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else

ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says

one night while wersquore lying in bed

And I do

I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that

had to happen I listen to our breath

In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I

make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My

finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving

And then the line disappears

And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and

falling together

Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the

Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life

Poems and Stories of the Dead

If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between

Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities40

READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts

One hundred moves and not one of

them associated with the military

a job or being on the run

The Ledger

Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G

through a yard sale I picked up an old

ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-

ance Company of New York A large thin hard-

bound ledger black with a red spine eleven

inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by

insurance agents to track insurers and their

policies all entries written by hand There was

only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty

cents the rest of the pages were blank After

years of treasuring its antiquity but making

no entries of my own I tore the one used page

out and decided to start tracking al l my moves

before my memory lost track I sat down and

recorded all the moves I remembered over one

hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my

parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them

associated with the military a job or being on

the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-

derlust and exploration then relationships

and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad

landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just

being unable as a single parent to bear the rent

and high heating bills Once my oldest son and

I landed in a decent house that could hold us

indefinitely After three months I was drawn to

cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted

to gather them touch them fill their empti-

ness with our lives When I realized what was

going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in

that house for two years then moved to Hawai i

Now the kids are grown the grandkids are

teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos

no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-

foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a

semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided

me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she

said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo

As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot

out of my feet and sink into the ground I was

so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here

three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot

want to move

What have I lea rned th rough al l these

moves Adaptability being and living in the

now and that there is glory in both staying and

moving but it is much easier and cheaper to

stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland

Out of the Nest

I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E

back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze

tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last

time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex

where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs

Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot

stepped inside the apartment for eight months

To do so would risk my life

ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-

tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February

I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following

weekmdashfor six months

Left behind with Michael were our surro-

gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy

and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned

starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier

It was last October when I first developed

symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-

ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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41 FallWinter 2015 Move

This is where the plates layers of crust

crashed into each other in a fiery show

perhaps tens of thousands of years ago

Soon breathing was excruciating I took

shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain

Paralyzing fatigue set in

My endocrinologist suspected chronic

obstructive pulmonary disease which made

little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I

began scouring descriptions of lung conditions

Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity

pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung

Relief and terror flooded in

If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-

monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a

terminal condition in which scarring causes

respiratory failure within three to five years

Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif

caught early But the solution is drastic We

would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-

ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even

be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the

parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would

have a new ending

Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms

lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper

grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-

pice moments before plummeting

Today we are moving the last of our belong-

ings into our first house The kitties and birdies

have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed

While I cannot hold my babies I watch them

on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the

two-way speaker

From rescue feedings to teenage angst to

nighttime vigils during illness in caring for

these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging

from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety

Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey

take their first tentative steps toward flight

Today I learned the most painful lesson let-

ting go

MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene

Subduction Zones

T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK

were on an af ternoon in early Septem-

ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for

the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper

and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our

ankles

Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-

berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend

and is directly responsible for the creation of

Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back

then one that I sometimes imagined looked

like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus

Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of

the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale

their name suggests but the result of plates

shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-

tion led to the formation of the trio This is

where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into

each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-

sands of years ago Subduction zones are places

where great trauma lies

And here I was all these years later in the

shadows of these mountains loss everywhere

Later that day back at our apartment we

walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit

into anymore For more than a year we went

through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern

Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that

followed us Then one day our four-year-old

daughter started a conversation that shook me

ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo

I nodded

ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so

sadrdquo

Six words leapt at me

ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo

We moved back to Ash land where brig ht

red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-

hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot

know it then but we were charting our own

map however imperfect Healing crept up on

us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-

ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew

Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng

up the darkness Seventeen years passed

And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most

folks want to flee helps you see things more

clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in

its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along

VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland

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Oregon Humanities42POSTS

continued from previous page

Just to

underscore

how settled we

planned to be

we unpacked

EverythingEven the

heirloom china

which had never

before left its

boxes We were

here to stay

Dance Church

SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I

go to church Dance church A church

where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers

to recite A church where at first glance outsid-

ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon

arriving I see a few little munchkins running

around with oversize neon headphones on to

protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music

set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with

rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors

There are flowers candles pillow puddles

beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some

kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in

alignment with the morningrsquos intention

As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s

become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-

tainer in which I can move once again after

years of chronic freezing and dissociating A

trapped animal released back into the wild

wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom

in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism

evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with

anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our

spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist

The music awakens the holy spirit within

me and dances me through throngs of people

I am an antelope cut loose checking out the

creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns

bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms

Each stunning in their authentic movement I

see people falling in love with each other from

a distance I see a girl rocking four different

Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed

like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands

ldquopracticing dancingrdquo

This is the church of Miriam the biblical

tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of

years later I move here and I am reunited with

my self my best self my most curious mischie-

vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self

Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten

invited back in the room to whip her hair back

and forth I throw my head back in delight and

laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like

hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form

of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music

EMILY I BEDAL Portland

Again

M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R

upwardly mobile engineer That trans-

lated into at least one move per year until I was

eight and another address for high school I

moved every year in college one year twice I

moved three times during my first stint in Bos-

ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-

ment for the whole two years Then it was back

to Boston where I lived in five different homes

in five years

Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for

the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe

two years back East then back to New Mexico

in two different cities three different homes

Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates

what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo

From Albuquerque we moved to our present

home in Port Orford my thirt ieth

Moving has always been exciting cathar-

tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books

by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally

donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-

ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated

magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets

ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit

thatrsquos never happened In each new house

wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos

never worked

We vowed Port Orford would be our final

ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore

how settled we planned to be we unpacked

Everything Even the heirloom china which

had never before left its boxes We were here

to stay

Except it seems wersquore going to have to move

again but not for the exciting futures wersquod

always envisioned before Now we need doctors

and hospitals and a nearby airport for family

visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is

on the other side of adventure Now we need a

place to feel safe secure

So the sorting and throwing out is about to

begin yet again There are closets and drawers

that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to

dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of

booksmdashto give away This move exciting No

way The very thought of it exhausts me

Still those other feelings cathartic freeing

new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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43 FallWinter 2015 Move

Next theme Root

For the Spring 2016 issue tell

us your stories about rooting

around taking root being

uprooted or root-bound getting

to the root of a problem being

the root of the problem rooting

someone on Share stories and

ideas about beginnings origins

and foundations Analyze a

historical or contemporary

grassroots effort Describe

the tension between staying

put and being stuck Send your

submission (400 words maxi-

mum) by February 15 2016 to

postsoregonhumanitiesorg

Submissions may be edited for

space or clarity

Listen to Your Body

I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y

motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease

Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit

and spot-on timing Though she was confined

to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was

still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her

sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-

cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone

have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but

aching joints diminished strength and a fal-

tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back

Those maladies werenrsquot the result of

chronic disease More like lack of exercise At

some point in the past decade or so I developed

an aversion to any fitness routine That choice

has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo

class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community

Center

Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the

center for the past thirty-six years teaches

the dance-infused workout three days a week

Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at

the core of each class She dispenses praise as

we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform

deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements

and she encourages each of us to breathe and

listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably

youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying

ballet seriously By then her versatility as an

actress singer dancer and comedian had been

evident in community theater productions in

the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although

not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few

years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe

continues to lead a full life She can still stand

and press her palms flat to the floor despite

relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip

notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg

and stretch at the barre

A role model for agi ng wit h presence and

dignity Lynn maintains her considerable

charm and elegance and purposely keeps her

body and mind active Like my mother she

is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has

inspired me to accept what my body can do

today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow

Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for

getting up in the morning And by some mea-

sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE

Portland

Over the Hill

I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D

eleven times in three years I worked spring

through fall as a natural history guide in

Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure

where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned

into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply

moved around A lot With each new tempo-

rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked

clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was

nothing

At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the

person who would become my life partner

another seasonal worker We would move from

Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We

lived one magical off-season on a houseboat

on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the

ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught

me I loved wide-open spaces What could be

wider than the Pacific A fter one more season

of guiding I came back to the coast and decided

to stay

I volunteered my way into one steady job

and eventually landed another at the local

college After a few more seasons my partner

came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota

and we bought another together He built a

business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our

hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and

had a child Wersquod officially settled down

The economic hardships of rural living

however are real job opportunities decline

and can no longer support the life wersquove built

The accumulation of years no longer fits into

the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner

took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast

and we lived as a split family The split was tax-

ing though so we decided to make the move

to the city We left the first community of our

adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven

ourselves The only community our daughter

has even known Friends asked me not to go

Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart

still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the

sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes

at the memory of that moon over Tillamook

Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot

nothingmdashitrsquos every thing

NANCY SLAVIN Portland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities44

Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm

LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015

This intertwined story of two

teenage girls and their mothers

is set in New Orleans during

and after Hurricane Katrina

In her debut novel Urbani an

Oregon writer with Southern

roots brings a maternal touch

to the narrative handling trag-

edy with a careful soulfulness

and love This honest yet brutal

story will simultaneously break

and warm your heart

mdashAnnie Kaffen

At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015

Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French

Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the

Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural

French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-

tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans

and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a

snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland

Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015

Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the

Oregon physician and radicalrsquos

extraordinary experiences

from her early years working in

a textile mill in New Bedford

Massachusetts through her

activist years in Oregon includ-

ing a three-year term at San

Quentin State Prison Equi lived

openly as a lesbian beginning in

the 1890s and was one of the

first practicing female doctors

in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and

compassion for others with a

strong personal belief in social

and economic justice

mdashCarole Shel lhart

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4548

45 FallWinter 2015 Move

People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015

This debut collection from

Portland writer Margaret

Malone is filled with brief

bitterly funny stories about the

sort of people who tie them-

selves in knots in their heads

and feel uncomfortable in their

own skin and can never quite

bring themselves to say the

words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point

includes all of us

mdashBen Waterhouse

The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015

Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer

The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with

Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research

for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the

first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of

revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced

a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer

in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he

writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo

mdashMaggie Starr

To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for

Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon

Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205

Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe

Sasquatch Books 2015

Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter

Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt

to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography

in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers

a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden

rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance

sounds smells and much more

mdashBen Waterhouse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4648

Oregon Humanities46

Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson

February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum

1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg

CROPPINGS

Wendy Red Star Untitled

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4748

Oregon Humanities programs are

funded by the National Endowment

for the Humanities and the Oregon

Cultural Trust and by contributions from

individuals foundations community

organizations and corporations For

more information about Oregon

Humanities or to learn how you can help

more Oregonians get together share

ideas listen think and grow please

contact us at

921 SW Washington Street Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax

(503) 241-0024

ohmoregonhumanitiesorg

oregonhumanitiesorg

Staff

e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r

Adam Davis

facilitation and tra ining manager

Rachel Bernstein

communicationsprogram associate

Eloise Holland

editorassociate director

Kathleen Holt

development director

Kamla Hurst

program officer

Annie Kaffen

office manager

Mikaela Schey

director of finance and oper ations

Carole Shellhart

development associate

Maggie Starr

communications associate

Ben Waterhouse

program coordinator

Kyle Weismann-Yee

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Board of Directorsch a i r

Sona Karentz Andrews Portland

v ic e ch a i r

Janet Webster Newport

tr e a s u r e r

Jeff Cronn Portland

secretary

Matthew Boulay Salem

Paul Duden Portland

Kimberly Howard Portland

Nels Johnson Portland

Emily Karr Portland

Shannon Mara Bend

Win McCormack Portland

Alberto Moreno Portland

Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego

Ron Paul Portland

Denise Reed Astoria

Chantal Strobel Bend

Dave Weich Portland

Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED

Non-profit Org

US Postage

PAID

Permit No 1274

Portland OR

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33 FallWinter 2015 Move

I worked like some kind of crazy statistician

making up story problems to predict what he

might do If a two-hundred-pound alcoholicaddict has a shitty day at his shitt y factory job

and drinks two six-packs of Budweiser without

eating anythi ng except the gut-wagon burrito

at his 1100 am break and then injects whatrsquos

left of a gram of crank at 800 pm before going

to the bar to drink more beer and upon return-

ing home mistakes his second wife for his first

wi fe how long wi ll it ta ke him to pass out

Please show your work

I have never been able to figure out the rec-

ipe for equilibrium His or mine

Oprah is over and the news is on when Bruce

comes through the door Hersquos drunk but not

wired and ha snrsquot crossed t he line yet Hi s face

slants from the pitchers of Budweiser ldquoWhat

the fuck are you looking atrdquo he says

Itrsquos not really a question but I answer

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not looking but Irsquom seeing him

clearly for the first time I see his addiction in

action and how itrsquos driving him and how I have

nothing at all to do with it Itrsquos the weirdest

thing I feel at peace There isnrsquot a thing I can

do for him so I sit quietItrsquos best not to say too much and not to look

at him for too long when hersquos been drinking

kind of like running into a bear in the woodsmdash

you just back away slowly and try not to piss

him off The fights can start just by the way Ilook at him He says it rsquos my face My face shows

too much of what Irsquom think ing no matter how

little I say but maybe thatrsquos just what he needs

to believe because he has to be mad at some-

one and I happen to be available Tonight Irsquom

just watching him sta rt to spin I can see by

the way hersquos crashing around pissed off about

nothing that it was never my face that pissed

him off never anything I did or didnrsquot do He

needs a reason to fight with me so he can leave

to drink more and thatrsquos what he intends to do

no matter what I do or donrsquot do This idea is a

revelation

He asks me again ldquoWhat the fuck are you

looking atrdquo but this ti me hersquos yelling

ldquoNothingrdquo Irsquom not sure what to do I sit on

the couch and pick at the pink chenille bed-

spread that covers its stained sagging cush-

ions The cats are under the bed and our terrier

mutt is curled up small on the rug Theyrsquore

afraid when hersquos like this and they should be

Hersquos told me on more than one occasion that

hersquoll kill them i f I leave That hersquoll kill me tooDo I stay because he might Yes I domdashbut what

if he does kill me In so many ways Irsquom already

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Oregon Humanities34

dead or at least not living just existing on the

edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story

Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom

suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am

afraid of being killed

I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to

make a home The china teacups that I str ung

together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks

in the window like a mobile The plants my

booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the

sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the

bed my dad and I refinished before I left home

The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday

The fifteen years of history we have together

one year short of half my life tonight not all of

it bad He is no monster just a man struggling

wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to

face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo

He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo

He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo

Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He

screams them at me knowing how in the past

these are the very words that made me cling to

him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go

Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but

this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest

the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about

his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does

Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom

seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man

Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried

to help for his own good right This man Irsquove

tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody

made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when

I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself

Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the

usual responseI know three things tonight Number one

If I stay this will be my life until I die Number

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities36

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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37 FallWinter 2015 Move

M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN

he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline

somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and

believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he

turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean

for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees

in rows

My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home

at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York

City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for

rows of buildings

ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says

In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark

skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the

Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n

My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I

met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo

My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too

often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance

of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He

was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister

a year later

My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my

father a suit They seem happy in the picture

Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put

half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband

My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years

My grandmother died

All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a

life rocked with waves

P A I G E

V I C K E R S

JASON ARI AS

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities38

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have

let that slip through thecracksrdquo

My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes

My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why

Grandma was hiding

Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here

To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-

vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where

we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We

have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo

I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened

My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next

closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed

a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time

tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the

process

Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends

Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his

giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist

until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again

We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in

the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-

ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-

lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be

Ama zons)

The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door

I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour

feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean

ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said

We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not

about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same

ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As

kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon

I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower

water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the

high tide after being beached again and again

One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom

decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia

One of my new Olympian friends flicked a

match that started a fire inside my mattress I

tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking

Mom came home and we put the burning

bed outside

This isnrsquot a metaphor

I slept on the floor of my bedroom that

night missing the ocean of Grayland while my

mom and sister shared their bed in the room

next to mine The next morning my mattress

was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-

ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a

popular song on the radio at the time One of us

would start singing the lyrics

How can we dance when our earth is turning

and then wersquod all join in

How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh

But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame

Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-

land That no matter how many times we

were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty

porous flotation device on which to try to

reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe

even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the

way we did as something gia nt and limit less

something to be feared and conquered some-

thing to be moved by

In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a

flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called

my name and the light receded back down the

hall disappearing into the living room and

slipping out the front door

We discovered that the flickering light had

left wax shapes on the carpet of our living

room that could have been bad pentagrams or

the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It

left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot

take any money It left us wondering if some

past boyfriend had found us somehow

Whi le we were out the next day somebody

hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment

door Mom winced at the divots denting the

wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing

mechanism once was with her hand

We left the dishes in the sink

We left no forwarding address

We boarded a bus

Two days later we were on the doorstep of

the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with

a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my

backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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39 FallWinter 2015 Move

in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever

received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer

trophies in the other

At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude

who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-

thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been

there were two concave smooth-skinned div-

ots She was always smiling I liked watching

how Jude listened

Before long the four of us moved into an

apartment between Portland and Gresham It

was right on the MAX line and right on the city

line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-

landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign

that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block

to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch

my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but

Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the

perfect space for her She said it was easier for

her to know where everything was in a smaller

environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond

than an ocean

One day Jude brought her new boyfriend

home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo

ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said

Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor

and said ldquo White peoplerdquo

I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was

wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what

ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to

a blind person

Red is the rage in your gut

White is the entrapment of the disabled

One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend

and her room became a closet again

We saw her a little and then not at all

Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to

Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally

almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of

my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday

cards and pictures that were inside it

Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-

day cards away

My wife and I began archiving our new fam-

ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with

the rest of them Our sons grew I became an

uncle My grandfather remarried and went

crazy My mother still has the same smile she

had when I was young

Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a

bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple

of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary

There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help

you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear

Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie

each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out

If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads

directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end

points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably

guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock

between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled

and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long

by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of

human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of

the Mayan calendar

In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and

I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of

the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam

When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-

land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else

ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says

one night while wersquore lying in bed

And I do

I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that

had to happen I listen to our breath

In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I

make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My

finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving

And then the line disappears

And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and

falling together

Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the

Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life

Poems and Stories of the Dead

If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between

Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous

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Oregon Humanities40

READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts

One hundred moves and not one of

them associated with the military

a job or being on the run

The Ledger

Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G

through a yard sale I picked up an old

ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-

ance Company of New York A large thin hard-

bound ledger black with a red spine eleven

inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by

insurance agents to track insurers and their

policies all entries written by hand There was

only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty

cents the rest of the pages were blank After

years of treasuring its antiquity but making

no entries of my own I tore the one used page

out and decided to start tracking al l my moves

before my memory lost track I sat down and

recorded all the moves I remembered over one

hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my

parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them

associated with the military a job or being on

the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-

derlust and exploration then relationships

and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad

landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just

being unable as a single parent to bear the rent

and high heating bills Once my oldest son and

I landed in a decent house that could hold us

indefinitely After three months I was drawn to

cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted

to gather them touch them fill their empti-

ness with our lives When I realized what was

going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in

that house for two years then moved to Hawai i

Now the kids are grown the grandkids are

teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos

no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-

foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a

semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided

me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she

said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo

As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot

out of my feet and sink into the ground I was

so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here

three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot

want to move

What have I lea rned th rough al l these

moves Adaptability being and living in the

now and that there is glory in both staying and

moving but it is much easier and cheaper to

stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland

Out of the Nest

I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E

back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze

tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last

time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex

where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs

Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot

stepped inside the apartment for eight months

To do so would risk my life

ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-

tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February

I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following

weekmdashfor six months

Left behind with Michael were our surro-

gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy

and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned

starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier

It was last October when I first developed

symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-

ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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41 FallWinter 2015 Move

This is where the plates layers of crust

crashed into each other in a fiery show

perhaps tens of thousands of years ago

Soon breathing was excruciating I took

shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain

Paralyzing fatigue set in

My endocrinologist suspected chronic

obstructive pulmonary disease which made

little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I

began scouring descriptions of lung conditions

Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity

pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung

Relief and terror flooded in

If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-

monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a

terminal condition in which scarring causes

respiratory failure within three to five years

Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif

caught early But the solution is drastic We

would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-

ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even

be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the

parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would

have a new ending

Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms

lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper

grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-

pice moments before plummeting

Today we are moving the last of our belong-

ings into our first house The kitties and birdies

have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed

While I cannot hold my babies I watch them

on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the

two-way speaker

From rescue feedings to teenage angst to

nighttime vigils during illness in caring for

these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging

from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety

Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey

take their first tentative steps toward flight

Today I learned the most painful lesson let-

ting go

MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene

Subduction Zones

T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK

were on an af ternoon in early Septem-

ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for

the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper

and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our

ankles

Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-

berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend

and is directly responsible for the creation of

Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back

then one that I sometimes imagined looked

like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus

Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of

the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale

their name suggests but the result of plates

shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-

tion led to the formation of the trio This is

where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into

each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-

sands of years ago Subduction zones are places

where great trauma lies

And here I was all these years later in the

shadows of these mountains loss everywhere

Later that day back at our apartment we

walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit

into anymore For more than a year we went

through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern

Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that

followed us Then one day our four-year-old

daughter started a conversation that shook me

ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo

I nodded

ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so

sadrdquo

Six words leapt at me

ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo

We moved back to Ash land where brig ht

red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-

hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot

know it then but we were charting our own

map however imperfect Healing crept up on

us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-

ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew

Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng

up the darkness Seventeen years passed

And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most

folks want to flee helps you see things more

clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in

its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along

VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland

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Oregon Humanities42POSTS

continued from previous page

Just to

underscore

how settled we

planned to be

we unpacked

EverythingEven the

heirloom china

which had never

before left its

boxes We were

here to stay

Dance Church

SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I

go to church Dance church A church

where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers

to recite A church where at first glance outsid-

ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon

arriving I see a few little munchkins running

around with oversize neon headphones on to

protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music

set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with

rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors

There are flowers candles pillow puddles

beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some

kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in

alignment with the morningrsquos intention

As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s

become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-

tainer in which I can move once again after

years of chronic freezing and dissociating A

trapped animal released back into the wild

wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom

in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism

evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with

anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our

spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist

The music awakens the holy spirit within

me and dances me through throngs of people

I am an antelope cut loose checking out the

creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns

bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms

Each stunning in their authentic movement I

see people falling in love with each other from

a distance I see a girl rocking four different

Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed

like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands

ldquopracticing dancingrdquo

This is the church of Miriam the biblical

tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of

years later I move here and I am reunited with

my self my best self my most curious mischie-

vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self

Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten

invited back in the room to whip her hair back

and forth I throw my head back in delight and

laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like

hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form

of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music

EMILY I BEDAL Portland

Again

M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R

upwardly mobile engineer That trans-

lated into at least one move per year until I was

eight and another address for high school I

moved every year in college one year twice I

moved three times during my first stint in Bos-

ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-

ment for the whole two years Then it was back

to Boston where I lived in five different homes

in five years

Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for

the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe

two years back East then back to New Mexico

in two different cities three different homes

Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates

what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo

From Albuquerque we moved to our present

home in Port Orford my thirt ieth

Moving has always been exciting cathar-

tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books

by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally

donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-

ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated

magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets

ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit

thatrsquos never happened In each new house

wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos

never worked

We vowed Port Orford would be our final

ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore

how settled we planned to be we unpacked

Everything Even the heirloom china which

had never before left its boxes We were here

to stay

Except it seems wersquore going to have to move

again but not for the exciting futures wersquod

always envisioned before Now we need doctors

and hospitals and a nearby airport for family

visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is

on the other side of adventure Now we need a

place to feel safe secure

So the sorting and throwing out is about to

begin yet again There are closets and drawers

that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to

dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of

booksmdashto give away This move exciting No

way The very thought of it exhausts me

Still those other feelings cathartic freeing

new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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43 FallWinter 2015 Move

Next theme Root

For the Spring 2016 issue tell

us your stories about rooting

around taking root being

uprooted or root-bound getting

to the root of a problem being

the root of the problem rooting

someone on Share stories and

ideas about beginnings origins

and foundations Analyze a

historical or contemporary

grassroots effort Describe

the tension between staying

put and being stuck Send your

submission (400 words maxi-

mum) by February 15 2016 to

postsoregonhumanitiesorg

Submissions may be edited for

space or clarity

Listen to Your Body

I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y

motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease

Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit

and spot-on timing Though she was confined

to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was

still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her

sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-

cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone

have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but

aching joints diminished strength and a fal-

tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back

Those maladies werenrsquot the result of

chronic disease More like lack of exercise At

some point in the past decade or so I developed

an aversion to any fitness routine That choice

has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo

class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community

Center

Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the

center for the past thirty-six years teaches

the dance-infused workout three days a week

Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at

the core of each class She dispenses praise as

we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform

deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements

and she encourages each of us to breathe and

listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably

youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying

ballet seriously By then her versatility as an

actress singer dancer and comedian had been

evident in community theater productions in

the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although

not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few

years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe

continues to lead a full life She can still stand

and press her palms flat to the floor despite

relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip

notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg

and stretch at the barre

A role model for agi ng wit h presence and

dignity Lynn maintains her considerable

charm and elegance and purposely keeps her

body and mind active Like my mother she

is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has

inspired me to accept what my body can do

today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow

Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for

getting up in the morning And by some mea-

sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE

Portland

Over the Hill

I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D

eleven times in three years I worked spring

through fall as a natural history guide in

Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure

where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned

into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply

moved around A lot With each new tempo-

rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked

clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was

nothing

At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the

person who would become my life partner

another seasonal worker We would move from

Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We

lived one magical off-season on a houseboat

on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the

ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught

me I loved wide-open spaces What could be

wider than the Pacific A fter one more season

of guiding I came back to the coast and decided

to stay

I volunteered my way into one steady job

and eventually landed another at the local

college After a few more seasons my partner

came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota

and we bought another together He built a

business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our

hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and

had a child Wersquod officially settled down

The economic hardships of rural living

however are real job opportunities decline

and can no longer support the life wersquove built

The accumulation of years no longer fits into

the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner

took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast

and we lived as a split family The split was tax-

ing though so we decided to make the move

to the city We left the first community of our

adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven

ourselves The only community our daughter

has even known Friends asked me not to go

Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart

still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the

sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes

at the memory of that moon over Tillamook

Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot

nothingmdashitrsquos every thing

NANCY SLAVIN Portland

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Oregon Humanities44

Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm

LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015

This intertwined story of two

teenage girls and their mothers

is set in New Orleans during

and after Hurricane Katrina

In her debut novel Urbani an

Oregon writer with Southern

roots brings a maternal touch

to the narrative handling trag-

edy with a careful soulfulness

and love This honest yet brutal

story will simultaneously break

and warm your heart

mdashAnnie Kaffen

At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015

Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French

Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the

Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural

French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-

tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans

and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a

snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland

Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015

Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the

Oregon physician and radicalrsquos

extraordinary experiences

from her early years working in

a textile mill in New Bedford

Massachusetts through her

activist years in Oregon includ-

ing a three-year term at San

Quentin State Prison Equi lived

openly as a lesbian beginning in

the 1890s and was one of the

first practicing female doctors

in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and

compassion for others with a

strong personal belief in social

and economic justice

mdashCarole Shel lhart

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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45 FallWinter 2015 Move

People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015

This debut collection from

Portland writer Margaret

Malone is filled with brief

bitterly funny stories about the

sort of people who tie them-

selves in knots in their heads

and feel uncomfortable in their

own skin and can never quite

bring themselves to say the

words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point

includes all of us

mdashBen Waterhouse

The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015

Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer

The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with

Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research

for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the

first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of

revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced

a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer

in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he

writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo

mdashMaggie Starr

To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for

Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon

Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205

Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe

Sasquatch Books 2015

Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter

Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt

to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography

in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers

a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden

rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance

sounds smells and much more

mdashBen Waterhouse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities46

Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson

February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum

1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg

CROPPINGS

Wendy Red Star Untitled

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities programs are

funded by the National Endowment

for the Humanities and the Oregon

Cultural Trust and by contributions from

individuals foundations community

organizations and corporations For

more information about Oregon

Humanities or to learn how you can help

more Oregonians get together share

ideas listen think and grow please

contact us at

921 SW Washington Street Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax

(503) 241-0024

ohmoregonhumanitiesorg

oregonhumanitiesorg

Staff

e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r

Adam Davis

facilitation and tra ining manager

Rachel Bernstein

communicationsprogram associate

Eloise Holland

editorassociate director

Kathleen Holt

development director

Kamla Hurst

program officer

Annie Kaffen

office manager

Mikaela Schey

director of finance and oper ations

Carole Shellhart

development associate

Maggie Starr

communications associate

Ben Waterhouse

program coordinator

Kyle Weismann-Yee

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Board of Directorsch a i r

Sona Karentz Andrews Portland

v ic e ch a i r

Janet Webster Newport

tr e a s u r e r

Jeff Cronn Portland

secretary

Matthew Boulay Salem

Paul Duden Portland

Kimberly Howard Portland

Nels Johnson Portland

Emily Karr Portland

Shannon Mara Bend

Win McCormack Portland

Alberto Moreno Portland

Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego

Ron Paul Portland

Denise Reed Astoria

Chantal Strobel Bend

Dave Weich Portland

Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED

Non-profit Org

US Postage

PAID

Permit No 1274

Portland OR

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities34

dead or at least not living just existing on the

edge of his story But whatrsquos my own story

Is this what my life was supposed to be Irsquom

suddenly more tired of being afraid than I am

afraid of being killed

I look around at the junk Irsquove collected to

make a home The china teacups that I str ung

together with brass wire a nd hung from hooks

in the window like a mobile The plants my

booksmdashso many books The orange glow of the

sun as it goes from day to dusk Cats under the

bed my dad and I refinished before I left home

The quilt I made for Brucersquos long-ago birthday

The fifteen years of history we have together

one year short of half my life tonight not all of

it bad He is no monster just a man struggling

wit h addiction whorsquos unw illing or una ble to

face itHe says ldquoYou think yoursquore better than merdquo

He says ldquoYou think I need this shitrdquo

He says ldquoGet the fuck outrdquo

Only he doesnrsquot just say these words He

screams them at me knowing how in the past

these are the very words that made me cling to

him and beg to stay Love me Donrsquot make me go

Donrsquot leave me Thatrsquos my usual response but

this time itrsquos not theremdashthe ache in my chest

the shame Therersquos not a thing I can do about

his addiction Hersquoll do whatever it is he does

Irsquom watching myself sit on this couch and Irsquom

seeing him clearly for the first timemdashthis man

Irsquove tried so hard to please This man Irsquove tried

to help for his own good right This man Irsquove

tried to savemdashthatrsquos the truthmdashlike somebody

made me the boss of whatrsquos best for him when

I canrsquot even figure out whatrsquos best for myself

Bruce yells and turns red but I canrsquot muster the

usual responseI know three things tonight Number one

If I stay this will be my life until I die Number

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities36

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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37 FallWinter 2015 Move

M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN

he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline

somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and

believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he

turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean

for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees

in rows

My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home

at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York

City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for

rows of buildings

ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says

In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark

skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the

Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n

My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I

met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo

My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too

often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance

of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He

was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister

a year later

My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my

father a suit They seem happy in the picture

Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put

half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband

My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years

My grandmother died

All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a

life rocked with waves

P A I G E

V I C K E R S

JASON ARI AS

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities38

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have

let that slip through thecracksrdquo

My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes

My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why

Grandma was hiding

Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here

To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-

vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where

we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We

have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo

I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened

My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next

closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed

a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time

tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the

process

Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends

Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his

giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist

until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again

We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in

the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-

ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-

lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be

Ama zons)

The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door

I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour

feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean

ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said

We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not

about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same

ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As

kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon

I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower

water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the

high tide after being beached again and again

One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom

decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia

One of my new Olympian friends flicked a

match that started a fire inside my mattress I

tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking

Mom came home and we put the burning

bed outside

This isnrsquot a metaphor

I slept on the floor of my bedroom that

night missing the ocean of Grayland while my

mom and sister shared their bed in the room

next to mine The next morning my mattress

was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-

ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a

popular song on the radio at the time One of us

would start singing the lyrics

How can we dance when our earth is turning

and then wersquod all join in

How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh

But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame

Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-

land That no matter how many times we

were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty

porous flotation device on which to try to

reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe

even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the

way we did as something gia nt and limit less

something to be feared and conquered some-

thing to be moved by

In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a

flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called

my name and the light receded back down the

hall disappearing into the living room and

slipping out the front door

We discovered that the flickering light had

left wax shapes on the carpet of our living

room that could have been bad pentagrams or

the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It

left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot

take any money It left us wondering if some

past boyfriend had found us somehow

Whi le we were out the next day somebody

hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment

door Mom winced at the divots denting the

wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing

mechanism once was with her hand

We left the dishes in the sink

We left no forwarding address

We boarded a bus

Two days later we were on the doorstep of

the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with

a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my

backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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39 FallWinter 2015 Move

in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever

received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer

trophies in the other

At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude

who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-

thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been

there were two concave smooth-skinned div-

ots She was always smiling I liked watching

how Jude listened

Before long the four of us moved into an

apartment between Portland and Gresham It

was right on the MAX line and right on the city

line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-

landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign

that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block

to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch

my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but

Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the

perfect space for her She said it was easier for

her to know where everything was in a smaller

environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond

than an ocean

One day Jude brought her new boyfriend

home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo

ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said

Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor

and said ldquo White peoplerdquo

I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was

wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what

ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to

a blind person

Red is the rage in your gut

White is the entrapment of the disabled

One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend

and her room became a closet again

We saw her a little and then not at all

Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to

Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally

almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of

my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday

cards and pictures that were inside it

Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-

day cards away

My wife and I began archiving our new fam-

ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with

the rest of them Our sons grew I became an

uncle My grandfather remarried and went

crazy My mother still has the same smile she

had when I was young

Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a

bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple

of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary

There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help

you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear

Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie

each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out

If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads

directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end

points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably

guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock

between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled

and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long

by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of

human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of

the Mayan calendar

In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and

I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of

the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam

When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-

land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else

ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says

one night while wersquore lying in bed

And I do

I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that

had to happen I listen to our breath

In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I

make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My

finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving

And then the line disappears

And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and

falling together

Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the

Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life

Poems and Stories of the Dead

If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between

Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities40

READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts

One hundred moves and not one of

them associated with the military

a job or being on the run

The Ledger

Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G

through a yard sale I picked up an old

ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-

ance Company of New York A large thin hard-

bound ledger black with a red spine eleven

inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by

insurance agents to track insurers and their

policies all entries written by hand There was

only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty

cents the rest of the pages were blank After

years of treasuring its antiquity but making

no entries of my own I tore the one used page

out and decided to start tracking al l my moves

before my memory lost track I sat down and

recorded all the moves I remembered over one

hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my

parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them

associated with the military a job or being on

the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-

derlust and exploration then relationships

and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad

landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just

being unable as a single parent to bear the rent

and high heating bills Once my oldest son and

I landed in a decent house that could hold us

indefinitely After three months I was drawn to

cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted

to gather them touch them fill their empti-

ness with our lives When I realized what was

going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in

that house for two years then moved to Hawai i

Now the kids are grown the grandkids are

teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos

no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-

foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a

semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided

me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she

said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo

As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot

out of my feet and sink into the ground I was

so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here

three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot

want to move

What have I lea rned th rough al l these

moves Adaptability being and living in the

now and that there is glory in both staying and

moving but it is much easier and cheaper to

stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland

Out of the Nest

I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E

back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze

tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last

time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex

where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs

Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot

stepped inside the apartment for eight months

To do so would risk my life

ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-

tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February

I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following

weekmdashfor six months

Left behind with Michael were our surro-

gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy

and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned

starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier

It was last October when I first developed

symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-

ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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41 FallWinter 2015 Move

This is where the plates layers of crust

crashed into each other in a fiery show

perhaps tens of thousands of years ago

Soon breathing was excruciating I took

shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain

Paralyzing fatigue set in

My endocrinologist suspected chronic

obstructive pulmonary disease which made

little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I

began scouring descriptions of lung conditions

Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity

pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung

Relief and terror flooded in

If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-

monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a

terminal condition in which scarring causes

respiratory failure within three to five years

Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif

caught early But the solution is drastic We

would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-

ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even

be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the

parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would

have a new ending

Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms

lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper

grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-

pice moments before plummeting

Today we are moving the last of our belong-

ings into our first house The kitties and birdies

have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed

While I cannot hold my babies I watch them

on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the

two-way speaker

From rescue feedings to teenage angst to

nighttime vigils during illness in caring for

these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging

from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety

Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey

take their first tentative steps toward flight

Today I learned the most painful lesson let-

ting go

MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene

Subduction Zones

T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK

were on an af ternoon in early Septem-

ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for

the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper

and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our

ankles

Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-

berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend

and is directly responsible for the creation of

Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back

then one that I sometimes imagined looked

like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus

Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of

the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale

their name suggests but the result of plates

shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-

tion led to the formation of the trio This is

where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into

each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-

sands of years ago Subduction zones are places

where great trauma lies

And here I was all these years later in the

shadows of these mountains loss everywhere

Later that day back at our apartment we

walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit

into anymore For more than a year we went

through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern

Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that

followed us Then one day our four-year-old

daughter started a conversation that shook me

ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo

I nodded

ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so

sadrdquo

Six words leapt at me

ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo

We moved back to Ash land where brig ht

red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-

hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot

know it then but we were charting our own

map however imperfect Healing crept up on

us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-

ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew

Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng

up the darkness Seventeen years passed

And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most

folks want to flee helps you see things more

clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in

its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along

VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities42POSTS

continued from previous page

Just to

underscore

how settled we

planned to be

we unpacked

EverythingEven the

heirloom china

which had never

before left its

boxes We were

here to stay

Dance Church

SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I

go to church Dance church A church

where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers

to recite A church where at first glance outsid-

ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon

arriving I see a few little munchkins running

around with oversize neon headphones on to

protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music

set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with

rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors

There are flowers candles pillow puddles

beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some

kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in

alignment with the morningrsquos intention

As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s

become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-

tainer in which I can move once again after

years of chronic freezing and dissociating A

trapped animal released back into the wild

wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom

in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism

evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with

anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our

spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist

The music awakens the holy spirit within

me and dances me through throngs of people

I am an antelope cut loose checking out the

creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns

bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms

Each stunning in their authentic movement I

see people falling in love with each other from

a distance I see a girl rocking four different

Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed

like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands

ldquopracticing dancingrdquo

This is the church of Miriam the biblical

tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of

years later I move here and I am reunited with

my self my best self my most curious mischie-

vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self

Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten

invited back in the room to whip her hair back

and forth I throw my head back in delight and

laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like

hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form

of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music

EMILY I BEDAL Portland

Again

M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R

upwardly mobile engineer That trans-

lated into at least one move per year until I was

eight and another address for high school I

moved every year in college one year twice I

moved three times during my first stint in Bos-

ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-

ment for the whole two years Then it was back

to Boston where I lived in five different homes

in five years

Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for

the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe

two years back East then back to New Mexico

in two different cities three different homes

Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates

what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo

From Albuquerque we moved to our present

home in Port Orford my thirt ieth

Moving has always been exciting cathar-

tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books

by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally

donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-

ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated

magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets

ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit

thatrsquos never happened In each new house

wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos

never worked

We vowed Port Orford would be our final

ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore

how settled we planned to be we unpacked

Everything Even the heirloom china which

had never before left its boxes We were here

to stay

Except it seems wersquore going to have to move

again but not for the exciting futures wersquod

always envisioned before Now we need doctors

and hospitals and a nearby airport for family

visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is

on the other side of adventure Now we need a

place to feel safe secure

So the sorting and throwing out is about to

begin yet again There are closets and drawers

that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to

dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of

booksmdashto give away This move exciting No

way The very thought of it exhausts me

Still those other feelings cathartic freeing

new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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43 FallWinter 2015 Move

Next theme Root

For the Spring 2016 issue tell

us your stories about rooting

around taking root being

uprooted or root-bound getting

to the root of a problem being

the root of the problem rooting

someone on Share stories and

ideas about beginnings origins

and foundations Analyze a

historical or contemporary

grassroots effort Describe

the tension between staying

put and being stuck Send your

submission (400 words maxi-

mum) by February 15 2016 to

postsoregonhumanitiesorg

Submissions may be edited for

space or clarity

Listen to Your Body

I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y

motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease

Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit

and spot-on timing Though she was confined

to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was

still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her

sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-

cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone

have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but

aching joints diminished strength and a fal-

tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back

Those maladies werenrsquot the result of

chronic disease More like lack of exercise At

some point in the past decade or so I developed

an aversion to any fitness routine That choice

has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo

class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community

Center

Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the

center for the past thirty-six years teaches

the dance-infused workout three days a week

Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at

the core of each class She dispenses praise as

we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform

deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements

and she encourages each of us to breathe and

listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably

youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying

ballet seriously By then her versatility as an

actress singer dancer and comedian had been

evident in community theater productions in

the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although

not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few

years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe

continues to lead a full life She can still stand

and press her palms flat to the floor despite

relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip

notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg

and stretch at the barre

A role model for agi ng wit h presence and

dignity Lynn maintains her considerable

charm and elegance and purposely keeps her

body and mind active Like my mother she

is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has

inspired me to accept what my body can do

today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow

Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for

getting up in the morning And by some mea-

sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE

Portland

Over the Hill

I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D

eleven times in three years I worked spring

through fall as a natural history guide in

Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure

where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned

into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply

moved around A lot With each new tempo-

rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked

clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was

nothing

At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the

person who would become my life partner

another seasonal worker We would move from

Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We

lived one magical off-season on a houseboat

on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the

ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught

me I loved wide-open spaces What could be

wider than the Pacific A fter one more season

of guiding I came back to the coast and decided

to stay

I volunteered my way into one steady job

and eventually landed another at the local

college After a few more seasons my partner

came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota

and we bought another together He built a

business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our

hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and

had a child Wersquod officially settled down

The economic hardships of rural living

however are real job opportunities decline

and can no longer support the life wersquove built

The accumulation of years no longer fits into

the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner

took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast

and we lived as a split family The split was tax-

ing though so we decided to make the move

to the city We left the first community of our

adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven

ourselves The only community our daughter

has even known Friends asked me not to go

Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart

still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the

sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes

at the memory of that moon over Tillamook

Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot

nothingmdashitrsquos every thing

NANCY SLAVIN Portland

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Oregon Humanities44

Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm

LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015

This intertwined story of two

teenage girls and their mothers

is set in New Orleans during

and after Hurricane Katrina

In her debut novel Urbani an

Oregon writer with Southern

roots brings a maternal touch

to the narrative handling trag-

edy with a careful soulfulness

and love This honest yet brutal

story will simultaneously break

and warm your heart

mdashAnnie Kaffen

At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015

Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French

Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the

Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural

French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-

tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans

and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a

snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland

Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015

Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the

Oregon physician and radicalrsquos

extraordinary experiences

from her early years working in

a textile mill in New Bedford

Massachusetts through her

activist years in Oregon includ-

ing a three-year term at San

Quentin State Prison Equi lived

openly as a lesbian beginning in

the 1890s and was one of the

first practicing female doctors

in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and

compassion for others with a

strong personal belief in social

and economic justice

mdashCarole Shel lhart

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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45 FallWinter 2015 Move

People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015

This debut collection from

Portland writer Margaret

Malone is filled with brief

bitterly funny stories about the

sort of people who tie them-

selves in knots in their heads

and feel uncomfortable in their

own skin and can never quite

bring themselves to say the

words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point

includes all of us

mdashBen Waterhouse

The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015

Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer

The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with

Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research

for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the

first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of

revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced

a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer

in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he

writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo

mdashMaggie Starr

To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for

Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon

Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205

Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe

Sasquatch Books 2015

Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter

Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt

to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography

in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers

a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden

rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance

sounds smells and much more

mdashBen Waterhouse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities46

Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson

February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum

1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg

CROPPINGS

Wendy Red Star Untitled

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities programs are

funded by the National Endowment

for the Humanities and the Oregon

Cultural Trust and by contributions from

individuals foundations community

organizations and corporations For

more information about Oregon

Humanities or to learn how you can help

more Oregonians get together share

ideas listen think and grow please

contact us at

921 SW Washington Street Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax

(503) 241-0024

ohmoregonhumanitiesorg

oregonhumanitiesorg

Staff

e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r

Adam Davis

facilitation and tra ining manager

Rachel Bernstein

communicationsprogram associate

Eloise Holland

editorassociate director

Kathleen Holt

development director

Kamla Hurst

program officer

Annie Kaffen

office manager

Mikaela Schey

director of finance and oper ations

Carole Shellhart

development associate

Maggie Starr

communications associate

Ben Waterhouse

program coordinator

Kyle Weismann-Yee

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4848

Board of Directorsch a i r

Sona Karentz Andrews Portland

v ic e ch a i r

Janet Webster Newport

tr e a s u r e r

Jeff Cronn Portland

secretary

Matthew Boulay Salem

Paul Duden Portland

Kimberly Howard Portland

Nels Johnson Portland

Emily Karr Portland

Shannon Mara Bend

Win McCormack Portland

Alberto Moreno Portland

Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego

Ron Paul Portland

Denise Reed Astoria

Chantal Strobel Bend

Dave Weich Portland

Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED

Non-profit Org

US Postage

PAID

Permit No 1274

Portland OR

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities36

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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37 FallWinter 2015 Move

M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN

he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline

somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and

believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he

turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean

for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees

in rows

My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home

at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York

City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for

rows of buildings

ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says

In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark

skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the

Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n

My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I

met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo

My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too

often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance

of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He

was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister

a year later

My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my

father a suit They seem happy in the picture

Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put

half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband

My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years

My grandmother died

All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a

life rocked with waves

P A I G E

V I C K E R S

JASON ARI AS

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities38

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have

let that slip through thecracksrdquo

My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes

My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why

Grandma was hiding

Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here

To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-

vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where

we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We

have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo

I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened

My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next

closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed

a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time

tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the

process

Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends

Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his

giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist

until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again

We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in

the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-

ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-

lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be

Ama zons)

The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door

I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour

feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean

ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said

We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not

about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same

ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As

kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon

I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower

water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the

high tide after being beached again and again

One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom

decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia

One of my new Olympian friends flicked a

match that started a fire inside my mattress I

tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking

Mom came home and we put the burning

bed outside

This isnrsquot a metaphor

I slept on the floor of my bedroom that

night missing the ocean of Grayland while my

mom and sister shared their bed in the room

next to mine The next morning my mattress

was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-

ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a

popular song on the radio at the time One of us

would start singing the lyrics

How can we dance when our earth is turning

and then wersquod all join in

How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh

But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame

Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-

land That no matter how many times we

were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty

porous flotation device on which to try to

reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe

even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the

way we did as something gia nt and limit less

something to be feared and conquered some-

thing to be moved by

In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a

flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called

my name and the light receded back down the

hall disappearing into the living room and

slipping out the front door

We discovered that the flickering light had

left wax shapes on the carpet of our living

room that could have been bad pentagrams or

the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It

left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot

take any money It left us wondering if some

past boyfriend had found us somehow

Whi le we were out the next day somebody

hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment

door Mom winced at the divots denting the

wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing

mechanism once was with her hand

We left the dishes in the sink

We left no forwarding address

We boarded a bus

Two days later we were on the doorstep of

the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with

a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my

backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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39 FallWinter 2015 Move

in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever

received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer

trophies in the other

At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude

who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-

thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been

there were two concave smooth-skinned div-

ots She was always smiling I liked watching

how Jude listened

Before long the four of us moved into an

apartment between Portland and Gresham It

was right on the MAX line and right on the city

line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-

landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign

that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block

to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch

my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but

Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the

perfect space for her She said it was easier for

her to know where everything was in a smaller

environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond

than an ocean

One day Jude brought her new boyfriend

home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo

ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said

Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor

and said ldquo White peoplerdquo

I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was

wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what

ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to

a blind person

Red is the rage in your gut

White is the entrapment of the disabled

One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend

and her room became a closet again

We saw her a little and then not at all

Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to

Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally

almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of

my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday

cards and pictures that were inside it

Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-

day cards away

My wife and I began archiving our new fam-

ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with

the rest of them Our sons grew I became an

uncle My grandfather remarried and went

crazy My mother still has the same smile she

had when I was young

Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a

bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple

of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary

There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help

you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear

Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie

each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out

If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads

directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end

points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably

guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock

between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled

and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long

by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of

human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of

the Mayan calendar

In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and

I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of

the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam

When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-

land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else

ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says

one night while wersquore lying in bed

And I do

I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that

had to happen I listen to our breath

In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I

make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My

finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving

And then the line disappears

And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and

falling together

Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the

Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life

Poems and Stories of the Dead

If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between

Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities40

READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts

One hundred moves and not one of

them associated with the military

a job or being on the run

The Ledger

Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G

through a yard sale I picked up an old

ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-

ance Company of New York A large thin hard-

bound ledger black with a red spine eleven

inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by

insurance agents to track insurers and their

policies all entries written by hand There was

only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty

cents the rest of the pages were blank After

years of treasuring its antiquity but making

no entries of my own I tore the one used page

out and decided to start tracking al l my moves

before my memory lost track I sat down and

recorded all the moves I remembered over one

hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my

parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them

associated with the military a job or being on

the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-

derlust and exploration then relationships

and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad

landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just

being unable as a single parent to bear the rent

and high heating bills Once my oldest son and

I landed in a decent house that could hold us

indefinitely After three months I was drawn to

cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted

to gather them touch them fill their empti-

ness with our lives When I realized what was

going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in

that house for two years then moved to Hawai i

Now the kids are grown the grandkids are

teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos

no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-

foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a

semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided

me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she

said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo

As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot

out of my feet and sink into the ground I was

so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here

three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot

want to move

What have I lea rned th rough al l these

moves Adaptability being and living in the

now and that there is glory in both staying and

moving but it is much easier and cheaper to

stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland

Out of the Nest

I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E

back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze

tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last

time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex

where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs

Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot

stepped inside the apartment for eight months

To do so would risk my life

ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-

tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February

I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following

weekmdashfor six months

Left behind with Michael were our surro-

gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy

and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned

starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier

It was last October when I first developed

symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-

ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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41 FallWinter 2015 Move

This is where the plates layers of crust

crashed into each other in a fiery show

perhaps tens of thousands of years ago

Soon breathing was excruciating I took

shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain

Paralyzing fatigue set in

My endocrinologist suspected chronic

obstructive pulmonary disease which made

little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I

began scouring descriptions of lung conditions

Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity

pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung

Relief and terror flooded in

If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-

monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a

terminal condition in which scarring causes

respiratory failure within three to five years

Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif

caught early But the solution is drastic We

would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-

ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even

be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the

parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would

have a new ending

Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms

lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper

grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-

pice moments before plummeting

Today we are moving the last of our belong-

ings into our first house The kitties and birdies

have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed

While I cannot hold my babies I watch them

on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the

two-way speaker

From rescue feedings to teenage angst to

nighttime vigils during illness in caring for

these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging

from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety

Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey

take their first tentative steps toward flight

Today I learned the most painful lesson let-

ting go

MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene

Subduction Zones

T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK

were on an af ternoon in early Septem-

ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for

the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper

and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our

ankles

Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-

berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend

and is directly responsible for the creation of

Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back

then one that I sometimes imagined looked

like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus

Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of

the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale

their name suggests but the result of plates

shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-

tion led to the formation of the trio This is

where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into

each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-

sands of years ago Subduction zones are places

where great trauma lies

And here I was all these years later in the

shadows of these mountains loss everywhere

Later that day back at our apartment we

walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit

into anymore For more than a year we went

through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern

Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that

followed us Then one day our four-year-old

daughter started a conversation that shook me

ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo

I nodded

ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so

sadrdquo

Six words leapt at me

ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo

We moved back to Ash land where brig ht

red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-

hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot

know it then but we were charting our own

map however imperfect Healing crept up on

us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-

ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew

Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng

up the darkness Seventeen years passed

And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most

folks want to flee helps you see things more

clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in

its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along

VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities42POSTS

continued from previous page

Just to

underscore

how settled we

planned to be

we unpacked

EverythingEven the

heirloom china

which had never

before left its

boxes We were

here to stay

Dance Church

SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I

go to church Dance church A church

where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers

to recite A church where at first glance outsid-

ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon

arriving I see a few little munchkins running

around with oversize neon headphones on to

protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music

set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with

rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors

There are flowers candles pillow puddles

beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some

kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in

alignment with the morningrsquos intention

As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s

become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-

tainer in which I can move once again after

years of chronic freezing and dissociating A

trapped animal released back into the wild

wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom

in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism

evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with

anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our

spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist

The music awakens the holy spirit within

me and dances me through throngs of people

I am an antelope cut loose checking out the

creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns

bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms

Each stunning in their authentic movement I

see people falling in love with each other from

a distance I see a girl rocking four different

Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed

like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands

ldquopracticing dancingrdquo

This is the church of Miriam the biblical

tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of

years later I move here and I am reunited with

my self my best self my most curious mischie-

vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self

Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten

invited back in the room to whip her hair back

and forth I throw my head back in delight and

laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like

hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form

of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music

EMILY I BEDAL Portland

Again

M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R

upwardly mobile engineer That trans-

lated into at least one move per year until I was

eight and another address for high school I

moved every year in college one year twice I

moved three times during my first stint in Bos-

ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-

ment for the whole two years Then it was back

to Boston where I lived in five different homes

in five years

Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for

the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe

two years back East then back to New Mexico

in two different cities three different homes

Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates

what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo

From Albuquerque we moved to our present

home in Port Orford my thirt ieth

Moving has always been exciting cathar-

tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books

by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally

donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-

ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated

magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets

ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit

thatrsquos never happened In each new house

wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos

never worked

We vowed Port Orford would be our final

ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore

how settled we planned to be we unpacked

Everything Even the heirloom china which

had never before left its boxes We were here

to stay

Except it seems wersquore going to have to move

again but not for the exciting futures wersquod

always envisioned before Now we need doctors

and hospitals and a nearby airport for family

visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is

on the other side of adventure Now we need a

place to feel safe secure

So the sorting and throwing out is about to

begin yet again There are closets and drawers

that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to

dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of

booksmdashto give away This move exciting No

way The very thought of it exhausts me

Still those other feelings cathartic freeing

new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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43 FallWinter 2015 Move

Next theme Root

For the Spring 2016 issue tell

us your stories about rooting

around taking root being

uprooted or root-bound getting

to the root of a problem being

the root of the problem rooting

someone on Share stories and

ideas about beginnings origins

and foundations Analyze a

historical or contemporary

grassroots effort Describe

the tension between staying

put and being stuck Send your

submission (400 words maxi-

mum) by February 15 2016 to

postsoregonhumanitiesorg

Submissions may be edited for

space or clarity

Listen to Your Body

I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y

motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease

Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit

and spot-on timing Though she was confined

to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was

still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her

sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-

cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone

have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but

aching joints diminished strength and a fal-

tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back

Those maladies werenrsquot the result of

chronic disease More like lack of exercise At

some point in the past decade or so I developed

an aversion to any fitness routine That choice

has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo

class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community

Center

Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the

center for the past thirty-six years teaches

the dance-infused workout three days a week

Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at

the core of each class She dispenses praise as

we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform

deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements

and she encourages each of us to breathe and

listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably

youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying

ballet seriously By then her versatility as an

actress singer dancer and comedian had been

evident in community theater productions in

the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although

not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few

years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe

continues to lead a full life She can still stand

and press her palms flat to the floor despite

relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip

notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg

and stretch at the barre

A role model for agi ng wit h presence and

dignity Lynn maintains her considerable

charm and elegance and purposely keeps her

body and mind active Like my mother she

is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has

inspired me to accept what my body can do

today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow

Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for

getting up in the morning And by some mea-

sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE

Portland

Over the Hill

I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D

eleven times in three years I worked spring

through fall as a natural history guide in

Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure

where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned

into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply

moved around A lot With each new tempo-

rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked

clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was

nothing

At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the

person who would become my life partner

another seasonal worker We would move from

Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We

lived one magical off-season on a houseboat

on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the

ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught

me I loved wide-open spaces What could be

wider than the Pacific A fter one more season

of guiding I came back to the coast and decided

to stay

I volunteered my way into one steady job

and eventually landed another at the local

college After a few more seasons my partner

came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota

and we bought another together He built a

business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our

hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and

had a child Wersquod officially settled down

The economic hardships of rural living

however are real job opportunities decline

and can no longer support the life wersquove built

The accumulation of years no longer fits into

the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner

took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast

and we lived as a split family The split was tax-

ing though so we decided to make the move

to the city We left the first community of our

adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven

ourselves The only community our daughter

has even known Friends asked me not to go

Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart

still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the

sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes

at the memory of that moon over Tillamook

Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot

nothingmdashitrsquos every thing

NANCY SLAVIN Portland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities44

Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm

LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015

This intertwined story of two

teenage girls and their mothers

is set in New Orleans during

and after Hurricane Katrina

In her debut novel Urbani an

Oregon writer with Southern

roots brings a maternal touch

to the narrative handling trag-

edy with a careful soulfulness

and love This honest yet brutal

story will simultaneously break

and warm your heart

mdashAnnie Kaffen

At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015

Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French

Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the

Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural

French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-

tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans

and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a

snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland

Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015

Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the

Oregon physician and radicalrsquos

extraordinary experiences

from her early years working in

a textile mill in New Bedford

Massachusetts through her

activist years in Oregon includ-

ing a three-year term at San

Quentin State Prison Equi lived

openly as a lesbian beginning in

the 1890s and was one of the

first practicing female doctors

in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and

compassion for others with a

strong personal belief in social

and economic justice

mdashCarole Shel lhart

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4548

45 FallWinter 2015 Move

People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015

This debut collection from

Portland writer Margaret

Malone is filled with brief

bitterly funny stories about the

sort of people who tie them-

selves in knots in their heads

and feel uncomfortable in their

own skin and can never quite

bring themselves to say the

words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point

includes all of us

mdashBen Waterhouse

The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015

Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer

The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with

Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research

for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the

first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of

revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced

a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer

in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he

writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo

mdashMaggie Starr

To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for

Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon

Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205

Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe

Sasquatch Books 2015

Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter

Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt

to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography

in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers

a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden

rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance

sounds smells and much more

mdashBen Waterhouse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4648

Oregon Humanities46

Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson

February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum

1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg

CROPPINGS

Wendy Red Star Untitled

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities programs are

funded by the National Endowment

for the Humanities and the Oregon

Cultural Trust and by contributions from

individuals foundations community

organizations and corporations For

more information about Oregon

Humanities or to learn how you can help

more Oregonians get together share

ideas listen think and grow please

contact us at

921 SW Washington Street Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax

(503) 241-0024

ohmoregonhumanitiesorg

oregonhumanitiesorg

Staff

e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r

Adam Davis

facilitation and tra ining manager

Rachel Bernstein

communicationsprogram associate

Eloise Holland

editorassociate director

Kathleen Holt

development director

Kamla Hurst

program officer

Annie Kaffen

office manager

Mikaela Schey

director of finance and oper ations

Carole Shellhart

development associate

Maggie Starr

communications associate

Ben Waterhouse

program coordinator

Kyle Weismann-Yee

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Board of Directorsch a i r

Sona Karentz Andrews Portland

v ic e ch a i r

Janet Webster Newport

tr e a s u r e r

Jeff Cronn Portland

secretary

Matthew Boulay Salem

Paul Duden Portland

Kimberly Howard Portland

Nels Johnson Portland

Emily Karr Portland

Shannon Mara Bend

Win McCormack Portland

Alberto Moreno Portland

Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego

Ron Paul Portland

Denise Reed Astoria

Chantal Strobel Bend

Dave Weich Portland

Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED

Non-profit Org

US Postage

PAID

Permit No 1274

Portland OR

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities36

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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37 FallWinter 2015 Move

M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN

he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline

somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and

believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he

turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean

for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees

in rows

My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home

at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York

City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for

rows of buildings

ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says

In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark

skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the

Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n

My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I

met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo

My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too

often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance

of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He

was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister

a year later

My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my

father a suit They seem happy in the picture

Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put

half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband

My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years

My grandmother died

All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a

life rocked with waves

P A I G E

V I C K E R S

JASON ARI AS

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities38

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have

let that slip through thecracksrdquo

My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes

My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why

Grandma was hiding

Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here

To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-

vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where

we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We

have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo

I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened

My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next

closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed

a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time

tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the

process

Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends

Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his

giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist

until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again

We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in

the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-

ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-

lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be

Ama zons)

The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door

I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour

feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean

ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said

We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not

about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same

ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As

kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon

I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower

water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the

high tide after being beached again and again

One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom

decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia

One of my new Olympian friends flicked a

match that started a fire inside my mattress I

tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking

Mom came home and we put the burning

bed outside

This isnrsquot a metaphor

I slept on the floor of my bedroom that

night missing the ocean of Grayland while my

mom and sister shared their bed in the room

next to mine The next morning my mattress

was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-

ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a

popular song on the radio at the time One of us

would start singing the lyrics

How can we dance when our earth is turning

and then wersquod all join in

How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh

But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame

Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-

land That no matter how many times we

were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty

porous flotation device on which to try to

reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe

even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the

way we did as something gia nt and limit less

something to be feared and conquered some-

thing to be moved by

In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a

flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called

my name and the light receded back down the

hall disappearing into the living room and

slipping out the front door

We discovered that the flickering light had

left wax shapes on the carpet of our living

room that could have been bad pentagrams or

the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It

left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot

take any money It left us wondering if some

past boyfriend had found us somehow

Whi le we were out the next day somebody

hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment

door Mom winced at the divots denting the

wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing

mechanism once was with her hand

We left the dishes in the sink

We left no forwarding address

We boarded a bus

Two days later we were on the doorstep of

the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with

a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my

backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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39 FallWinter 2015 Move

in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever

received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer

trophies in the other

At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude

who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-

thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been

there were two concave smooth-skinned div-

ots She was always smiling I liked watching

how Jude listened

Before long the four of us moved into an

apartment between Portland and Gresham It

was right on the MAX line and right on the city

line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-

landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign

that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block

to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch

my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but

Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the

perfect space for her She said it was easier for

her to know where everything was in a smaller

environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond

than an ocean

One day Jude brought her new boyfriend

home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo

ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said

Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor

and said ldquo White peoplerdquo

I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was

wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what

ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to

a blind person

Red is the rage in your gut

White is the entrapment of the disabled

One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend

and her room became a closet again

We saw her a little and then not at all

Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to

Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally

almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of

my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday

cards and pictures that were inside it

Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-

day cards away

My wife and I began archiving our new fam-

ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with

the rest of them Our sons grew I became an

uncle My grandfather remarried and went

crazy My mother still has the same smile she

had when I was young

Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a

bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple

of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary

There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help

you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear

Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie

each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out

If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads

directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end

points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably

guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock

between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled

and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long

by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of

human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of

the Mayan calendar

In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and

I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of

the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam

When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-

land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else

ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says

one night while wersquore lying in bed

And I do

I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that

had to happen I listen to our breath

In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I

make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My

finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving

And then the line disappears

And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and

falling together

Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the

Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life

Poems and Stories of the Dead

If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between

Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities40

READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts

One hundred moves and not one of

them associated with the military

a job or being on the run

The Ledger

Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G

through a yard sale I picked up an old

ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-

ance Company of New York A large thin hard-

bound ledger black with a red spine eleven

inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by

insurance agents to track insurers and their

policies all entries written by hand There was

only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty

cents the rest of the pages were blank After

years of treasuring its antiquity but making

no entries of my own I tore the one used page

out and decided to start tracking al l my moves

before my memory lost track I sat down and

recorded all the moves I remembered over one

hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my

parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them

associated with the military a job or being on

the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-

derlust and exploration then relationships

and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad

landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just

being unable as a single parent to bear the rent

and high heating bills Once my oldest son and

I landed in a decent house that could hold us

indefinitely After three months I was drawn to

cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted

to gather them touch them fill their empti-

ness with our lives When I realized what was

going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in

that house for two years then moved to Hawai i

Now the kids are grown the grandkids are

teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos

no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-

foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a

semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided

me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she

said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo

As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot

out of my feet and sink into the ground I was

so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here

three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot

want to move

What have I lea rned th rough al l these

moves Adaptability being and living in the

now and that there is glory in both staying and

moving but it is much easier and cheaper to

stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland

Out of the Nest

I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E

back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze

tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last

time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex

where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs

Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot

stepped inside the apartment for eight months

To do so would risk my life

ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-

tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February

I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following

weekmdashfor six months

Left behind with Michael were our surro-

gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy

and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned

starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier

It was last October when I first developed

symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-

ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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41 FallWinter 2015 Move

This is where the plates layers of crust

crashed into each other in a fiery show

perhaps tens of thousands of years ago

Soon breathing was excruciating I took

shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain

Paralyzing fatigue set in

My endocrinologist suspected chronic

obstructive pulmonary disease which made

little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I

began scouring descriptions of lung conditions

Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity

pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung

Relief and terror flooded in

If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-

monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a

terminal condition in which scarring causes

respiratory failure within three to five years

Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif

caught early But the solution is drastic We

would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-

ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even

be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the

parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would

have a new ending

Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms

lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper

grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-

pice moments before plummeting

Today we are moving the last of our belong-

ings into our first house The kitties and birdies

have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed

While I cannot hold my babies I watch them

on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the

two-way speaker

From rescue feedings to teenage angst to

nighttime vigils during illness in caring for

these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging

from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety

Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey

take their first tentative steps toward flight

Today I learned the most painful lesson let-

ting go

MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene

Subduction Zones

T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK

were on an af ternoon in early Septem-

ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for

the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper

and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our

ankles

Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-

berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend

and is directly responsible for the creation of

Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back

then one that I sometimes imagined looked

like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus

Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of

the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale

their name suggests but the result of plates

shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-

tion led to the formation of the trio This is

where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into

each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-

sands of years ago Subduction zones are places

where great trauma lies

And here I was all these years later in the

shadows of these mountains loss everywhere

Later that day back at our apartment we

walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit

into anymore For more than a year we went

through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern

Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that

followed us Then one day our four-year-old

daughter started a conversation that shook me

ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo

I nodded

ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so

sadrdquo

Six words leapt at me

ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo

We moved back to Ash land where brig ht

red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-

hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot

know it then but we were charting our own

map however imperfect Healing crept up on

us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-

ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew

Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng

up the darkness Seventeen years passed

And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most

folks want to flee helps you see things more

clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in

its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along

VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland

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Oregon Humanities42POSTS

continued from previous page

Just to

underscore

how settled we

planned to be

we unpacked

EverythingEven the

heirloom china

which had never

before left its

boxes We were

here to stay

Dance Church

SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I

go to church Dance church A church

where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers

to recite A church where at first glance outsid-

ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon

arriving I see a few little munchkins running

around with oversize neon headphones on to

protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music

set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with

rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors

There are flowers candles pillow puddles

beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some

kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in

alignment with the morningrsquos intention

As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s

become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-

tainer in which I can move once again after

years of chronic freezing and dissociating A

trapped animal released back into the wild

wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom

in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism

evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with

anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our

spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist

The music awakens the holy spirit within

me and dances me through throngs of people

I am an antelope cut loose checking out the

creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns

bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms

Each stunning in their authentic movement I

see people falling in love with each other from

a distance I see a girl rocking four different

Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed

like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands

ldquopracticing dancingrdquo

This is the church of Miriam the biblical

tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of

years later I move here and I am reunited with

my self my best self my most curious mischie-

vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self

Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten

invited back in the room to whip her hair back

and forth I throw my head back in delight and

laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like

hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form

of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music

EMILY I BEDAL Portland

Again

M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R

upwardly mobile engineer That trans-

lated into at least one move per year until I was

eight and another address for high school I

moved every year in college one year twice I

moved three times during my first stint in Bos-

ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-

ment for the whole two years Then it was back

to Boston where I lived in five different homes

in five years

Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for

the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe

two years back East then back to New Mexico

in two different cities three different homes

Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates

what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo

From Albuquerque we moved to our present

home in Port Orford my thirt ieth

Moving has always been exciting cathar-

tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books

by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally

donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-

ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated

magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets

ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit

thatrsquos never happened In each new house

wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos

never worked

We vowed Port Orford would be our final

ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore

how settled we planned to be we unpacked

Everything Even the heirloom china which

had never before left its boxes We were here

to stay

Except it seems wersquore going to have to move

again but not for the exciting futures wersquod

always envisioned before Now we need doctors

and hospitals and a nearby airport for family

visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is

on the other side of adventure Now we need a

place to feel safe secure

So the sorting and throwing out is about to

begin yet again There are closets and drawers

that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to

dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of

booksmdashto give away This move exciting No

way The very thought of it exhausts me

Still those other feelings cathartic freeing

new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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43 FallWinter 2015 Move

Next theme Root

For the Spring 2016 issue tell

us your stories about rooting

around taking root being

uprooted or root-bound getting

to the root of a problem being

the root of the problem rooting

someone on Share stories and

ideas about beginnings origins

and foundations Analyze a

historical or contemporary

grassroots effort Describe

the tension between staying

put and being stuck Send your

submission (400 words maxi-

mum) by February 15 2016 to

postsoregonhumanitiesorg

Submissions may be edited for

space or clarity

Listen to Your Body

I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y

motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease

Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit

and spot-on timing Though she was confined

to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was

still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her

sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-

cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone

have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but

aching joints diminished strength and a fal-

tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back

Those maladies werenrsquot the result of

chronic disease More like lack of exercise At

some point in the past decade or so I developed

an aversion to any fitness routine That choice

has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo

class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community

Center

Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the

center for the past thirty-six years teaches

the dance-infused workout three days a week

Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at

the core of each class She dispenses praise as

we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform

deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements

and she encourages each of us to breathe and

listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably

youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying

ballet seriously By then her versatility as an

actress singer dancer and comedian had been

evident in community theater productions in

the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although

not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few

years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe

continues to lead a full life She can still stand

and press her palms flat to the floor despite

relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip

notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg

and stretch at the barre

A role model for agi ng wit h presence and

dignity Lynn maintains her considerable

charm and elegance and purposely keeps her

body and mind active Like my mother she

is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has

inspired me to accept what my body can do

today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow

Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for

getting up in the morning And by some mea-

sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE

Portland

Over the Hill

I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D

eleven times in three years I worked spring

through fall as a natural history guide in

Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure

where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned

into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply

moved around A lot With each new tempo-

rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked

clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was

nothing

At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the

person who would become my life partner

another seasonal worker We would move from

Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We

lived one magical off-season on a houseboat

on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the

ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught

me I loved wide-open spaces What could be

wider than the Pacific A fter one more season

of guiding I came back to the coast and decided

to stay

I volunteered my way into one steady job

and eventually landed another at the local

college After a few more seasons my partner

came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota

and we bought another together He built a

business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our

hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and

had a child Wersquod officially settled down

The economic hardships of rural living

however are real job opportunities decline

and can no longer support the life wersquove built

The accumulation of years no longer fits into

the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner

took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast

and we lived as a split family The split was tax-

ing though so we decided to make the move

to the city We left the first community of our

adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven

ourselves The only community our daughter

has even known Friends asked me not to go

Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart

still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the

sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes

at the memory of that moon over Tillamook

Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot

nothingmdashitrsquos every thing

NANCY SLAVIN Portland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities44

Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm

LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015

This intertwined story of two

teenage girls and their mothers

is set in New Orleans during

and after Hurricane Katrina

In her debut novel Urbani an

Oregon writer with Southern

roots brings a maternal touch

to the narrative handling trag-

edy with a careful soulfulness

and love This honest yet brutal

story will simultaneously break

and warm your heart

mdashAnnie Kaffen

At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015

Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French

Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the

Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural

French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-

tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans

and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a

snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland

Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015

Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the

Oregon physician and radicalrsquos

extraordinary experiences

from her early years working in

a textile mill in New Bedford

Massachusetts through her

activist years in Oregon includ-

ing a three-year term at San

Quentin State Prison Equi lived

openly as a lesbian beginning in

the 1890s and was one of the

first practicing female doctors

in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and

compassion for others with a

strong personal belief in social

and economic justice

mdashCarole Shel lhart

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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45 FallWinter 2015 Move

People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015

This debut collection from

Portland writer Margaret

Malone is filled with brief

bitterly funny stories about the

sort of people who tie them-

selves in knots in their heads

and feel uncomfortable in their

own skin and can never quite

bring themselves to say the

words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point

includes all of us

mdashBen Waterhouse

The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015

Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer

The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with

Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research

for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the

first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of

revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced

a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer

in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he

writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo

mdashMaggie Starr

To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for

Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon

Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205

Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe

Sasquatch Books 2015

Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter

Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt

to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography

in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers

a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden

rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance

sounds smells and much more

mdashBen Waterhouse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4648

Oregon Humanities46

Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson

February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum

1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg

CROPPINGS

Wendy Red Star Untitled

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities programs are

funded by the National Endowment

for the Humanities and the Oregon

Cultural Trust and by contributions from

individuals foundations community

organizations and corporations For

more information about Oregon

Humanities or to learn how you can help

more Oregonians get together share

ideas listen think and grow please

contact us at

921 SW Washington Street Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax

(503) 241-0024

ohmoregonhumanitiesorg

oregonhumanitiesorg

Staff

e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r

Adam Davis

facilitation and tra ining manager

Rachel Bernstein

communicationsprogram associate

Eloise Holland

editorassociate director

Kathleen Holt

development director

Kamla Hurst

program officer

Annie Kaffen

office manager

Mikaela Schey

director of finance and oper ations

Carole Shellhart

development associate

Maggie Starr

communications associate

Ben Waterhouse

program coordinator

Kyle Weismann-Yee

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Board of Directorsch a i r

Sona Karentz Andrews Portland

v ic e ch a i r

Janet Webster Newport

tr e a s u r e r

Jeff Cronn Portland

secretary

Matthew Boulay Salem

Paul Duden Portland

Kimberly Howard Portland

Nels Johnson Portland

Emily Karr Portland

Shannon Mara Bend

Win McCormack Portland

Alberto Moreno Portland

Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego

Ron Paul Portland

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Chantal Strobel Bend

Dave Weich Portland

Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

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7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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37 FallWinter 2015 Move

M Y GREAT-GRANDFATHER TOLD MY GRANDFATHER THAT WHEN

he turned eighteen hersquod be on his own This was by the Pacific coastline

somewhere in Cali fornia My grandfather grew up swimmi ng in the waves and

believing in observing a solid hour of digestion to avoid cramping When he

turned eighteen he left home He married a beautiful woman He had a son and adaughter (my mother) and another son Together the five of them left the ocean

for an orchard in Colorado He gave up the waves for land He cared for fru it trees

in rows

My grandfather told my mother and my two uncles the story of leaving home

at eighteen When Uncle Danny graduated high school he moved to New York

City When my mother graduated she joined him They left the rows of trees for

rows of buildings

ldquoI moved as far east as I could go without crossing an oceanrdquo my mom says

In her Far East of America mom met a young man with a wide smile and dark

skin They wal ked through the rows of buildings together The man was from the

Dominican Republicmdasha half island in the ocea n

My mother always says ldquoI donrsquot know how old your father really was when I

met him He had good intentions but problems with the truthrdquo

My father had other problems too Problems with womenmdashas in too many too

often Problems with property a nd space perceptionmdashas in a n overabundance

of stolen stereos in the living room of their apartment after the rsquo77 blackout He

was too vir ile for his own goodmdashas in the birth of me in rsquo78 the birth of my sister

a year later

My parents were married in a small church My mother wore a blue dress my

father a suit They seem happy in the picture

Less than a year later my pregnant mother and I flew back to Colorado to put

half a continent and orchards of trees between us and her husband

My sister was bornMy grandmother was sick for years

My grandmother died

All the SameOceanFinding the horizon in a

life rocked with waves

P A I G E

V I C K E R S

JASON ARI AS

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities38

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have

let that slip through thecracksrdquo

My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes

My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why

Grandma was hiding

Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here

To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-

vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where

we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We

have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo

I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened

My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next

closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed

a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time

tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the

process

Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends

Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his

giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist

until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again

We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in

the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-

ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-

lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be

Ama zons)

The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door

I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour

feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean

ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said

We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not

about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same

ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As

kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon

I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower

water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the

high tide after being beached again and again

One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom

decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia

One of my new Olympian friends flicked a

match that started a fire inside my mattress I

tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking

Mom came home and we put the burning

bed outside

This isnrsquot a metaphor

I slept on the floor of my bedroom that

night missing the ocean of Grayland while my

mom and sister shared their bed in the room

next to mine The next morning my mattress

was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-

ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a

popular song on the radio at the time One of us

would start singing the lyrics

How can we dance when our earth is turning

and then wersquod all join in

How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh

But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame

Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-

land That no matter how many times we

were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty

porous flotation device on which to try to

reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe

even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the

way we did as something gia nt and limit less

something to be feared and conquered some-

thing to be moved by

In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a

flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called

my name and the light receded back down the

hall disappearing into the living room and

slipping out the front door

We discovered that the flickering light had

left wax shapes on the carpet of our living

room that could have been bad pentagrams or

the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It

left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot

take any money It left us wondering if some

past boyfriend had found us somehow

Whi le we were out the next day somebody

hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment

door Mom winced at the divots denting the

wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing

mechanism once was with her hand

We left the dishes in the sink

We left no forwarding address

We boarded a bus

Two days later we were on the doorstep of

the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with

a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my

backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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39 FallWinter 2015 Move

in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever

received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer

trophies in the other

At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude

who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-

thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been

there were two concave smooth-skinned div-

ots She was always smiling I liked watching

how Jude listened

Before long the four of us moved into an

apartment between Portland and Gresham It

was right on the MAX line and right on the city

line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-

landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign

that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block

to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch

my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but

Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the

perfect space for her She said it was easier for

her to know where everything was in a smaller

environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond

than an ocean

One day Jude brought her new boyfriend

home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo

ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said

Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor

and said ldquo White peoplerdquo

I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was

wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what

ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to

a blind person

Red is the rage in your gut

White is the entrapment of the disabled

One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend

and her room became a closet again

We saw her a little and then not at all

Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to

Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally

almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of

my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday

cards and pictures that were inside it

Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-

day cards away

My wife and I began archiving our new fam-

ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with

the rest of them Our sons grew I became an

uncle My grandfather remarried and went

crazy My mother still has the same smile she

had when I was young

Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a

bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple

of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary

There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help

you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear

Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie

each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out

If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads

directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end

points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably

guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock

between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled

and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long

by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of

human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of

the Mayan calendar

In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and

I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of

the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam

When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-

land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else

ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says

one night while wersquore lying in bed

And I do

I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that

had to happen I listen to our breath

In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I

make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My

finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving

And then the line disappears

And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and

falling together

Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the

Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life

Poems and Stories of the Dead

If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between

Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities40

READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts

One hundred moves and not one of

them associated with the military

a job or being on the run

The Ledger

Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G

through a yard sale I picked up an old

ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-

ance Company of New York A large thin hard-

bound ledger black with a red spine eleven

inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by

insurance agents to track insurers and their

policies all entries written by hand There was

only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty

cents the rest of the pages were blank After

years of treasuring its antiquity but making

no entries of my own I tore the one used page

out and decided to start tracking al l my moves

before my memory lost track I sat down and

recorded all the moves I remembered over one

hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my

parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them

associated with the military a job or being on

the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-

derlust and exploration then relationships

and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad

landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just

being unable as a single parent to bear the rent

and high heating bills Once my oldest son and

I landed in a decent house that could hold us

indefinitely After three months I was drawn to

cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted

to gather them touch them fill their empti-

ness with our lives When I realized what was

going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in

that house for two years then moved to Hawai i

Now the kids are grown the grandkids are

teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos

no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-

foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a

semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided

me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she

said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo

As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot

out of my feet and sink into the ground I was

so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here

three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot

want to move

What have I lea rned th rough al l these

moves Adaptability being and living in the

now and that there is glory in both staying and

moving but it is much easier and cheaper to

stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland

Out of the Nest

I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E

back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze

tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last

time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex

where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs

Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot

stepped inside the apartment for eight months

To do so would risk my life

ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-

tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February

I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following

weekmdashfor six months

Left behind with Michael were our surro-

gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy

and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned

starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier

It was last October when I first developed

symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-

ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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41 FallWinter 2015 Move

This is where the plates layers of crust

crashed into each other in a fiery show

perhaps tens of thousands of years ago

Soon breathing was excruciating I took

shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain

Paralyzing fatigue set in

My endocrinologist suspected chronic

obstructive pulmonary disease which made

little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I

began scouring descriptions of lung conditions

Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity

pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung

Relief and terror flooded in

If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-

monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a

terminal condition in which scarring causes

respiratory failure within three to five years

Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif

caught early But the solution is drastic We

would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-

ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even

be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the

parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would

have a new ending

Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms

lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper

grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-

pice moments before plummeting

Today we are moving the last of our belong-

ings into our first house The kitties and birdies

have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed

While I cannot hold my babies I watch them

on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the

two-way speaker

From rescue feedings to teenage angst to

nighttime vigils during illness in caring for

these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging

from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety

Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey

take their first tentative steps toward flight

Today I learned the most painful lesson let-

ting go

MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene

Subduction Zones

T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK

were on an af ternoon in early Septem-

ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for

the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper

and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our

ankles

Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-

berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend

and is directly responsible for the creation of

Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back

then one that I sometimes imagined looked

like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus

Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of

the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale

their name suggests but the result of plates

shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-

tion led to the formation of the trio This is

where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into

each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-

sands of years ago Subduction zones are places

where great trauma lies

And here I was all these years later in the

shadows of these mountains loss everywhere

Later that day back at our apartment we

walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit

into anymore For more than a year we went

through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern

Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that

followed us Then one day our four-year-old

daughter started a conversation that shook me

ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo

I nodded

ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so

sadrdquo

Six words leapt at me

ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo

We moved back to Ash land where brig ht

red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-

hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot

know it then but we were charting our own

map however imperfect Healing crept up on

us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-

ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew

Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng

up the darkness Seventeen years passed

And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most

folks want to flee helps you see things more

clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in

its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along

VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland

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Oregon Humanities42POSTS

continued from previous page

Just to

underscore

how settled we

planned to be

we unpacked

EverythingEven the

heirloom china

which had never

before left its

boxes We were

here to stay

Dance Church

SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I

go to church Dance church A church

where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers

to recite A church where at first glance outsid-

ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon

arriving I see a few little munchkins running

around with oversize neon headphones on to

protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music

set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with

rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors

There are flowers candles pillow puddles

beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some

kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in

alignment with the morningrsquos intention

As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s

become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-

tainer in which I can move once again after

years of chronic freezing and dissociating A

trapped animal released back into the wild

wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom

in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism

evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with

anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our

spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist

The music awakens the holy spirit within

me and dances me through throngs of people

I am an antelope cut loose checking out the

creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns

bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms

Each stunning in their authentic movement I

see people falling in love with each other from

a distance I see a girl rocking four different

Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed

like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands

ldquopracticing dancingrdquo

This is the church of Miriam the biblical

tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of

years later I move here and I am reunited with

my self my best self my most curious mischie-

vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self

Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten

invited back in the room to whip her hair back

and forth I throw my head back in delight and

laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like

hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form

of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music

EMILY I BEDAL Portland

Again

M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R

upwardly mobile engineer That trans-

lated into at least one move per year until I was

eight and another address for high school I

moved every year in college one year twice I

moved three times during my first stint in Bos-

ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-

ment for the whole two years Then it was back

to Boston where I lived in five different homes

in five years

Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for

the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe

two years back East then back to New Mexico

in two different cities three different homes

Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates

what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo

From Albuquerque we moved to our present

home in Port Orford my thirt ieth

Moving has always been exciting cathar-

tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books

by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally

donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-

ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated

magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets

ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit

thatrsquos never happened In each new house

wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos

never worked

We vowed Port Orford would be our final

ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore

how settled we planned to be we unpacked

Everything Even the heirloom china which

had never before left its boxes We were here

to stay

Except it seems wersquore going to have to move

again but not for the exciting futures wersquod

always envisioned before Now we need doctors

and hospitals and a nearby airport for family

visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is

on the other side of adventure Now we need a

place to feel safe secure

So the sorting and throwing out is about to

begin yet again There are closets and drawers

that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to

dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of

booksmdashto give away This move exciting No

way The very thought of it exhausts me

Still those other feelings cathartic freeing

new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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43 FallWinter 2015 Move

Next theme Root

For the Spring 2016 issue tell

us your stories about rooting

around taking root being

uprooted or root-bound getting

to the root of a problem being

the root of the problem rooting

someone on Share stories and

ideas about beginnings origins

and foundations Analyze a

historical or contemporary

grassroots effort Describe

the tension between staying

put and being stuck Send your

submission (400 words maxi-

mum) by February 15 2016 to

postsoregonhumanitiesorg

Submissions may be edited for

space or clarity

Listen to Your Body

I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y

motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease

Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit

and spot-on timing Though she was confined

to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was

still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her

sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-

cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone

have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but

aching joints diminished strength and a fal-

tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back

Those maladies werenrsquot the result of

chronic disease More like lack of exercise At

some point in the past decade or so I developed

an aversion to any fitness routine That choice

has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo

class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community

Center

Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the

center for the past thirty-six years teaches

the dance-infused workout three days a week

Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at

the core of each class She dispenses praise as

we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform

deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements

and she encourages each of us to breathe and

listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably

youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying

ballet seriously By then her versatility as an

actress singer dancer and comedian had been

evident in community theater productions in

the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although

not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few

years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe

continues to lead a full life She can still stand

and press her palms flat to the floor despite

relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip

notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg

and stretch at the barre

A role model for agi ng wit h presence and

dignity Lynn maintains her considerable

charm and elegance and purposely keeps her

body and mind active Like my mother she

is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has

inspired me to accept what my body can do

today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow

Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for

getting up in the morning And by some mea-

sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE

Portland

Over the Hill

I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D

eleven times in three years I worked spring

through fall as a natural history guide in

Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure

where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned

into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply

moved around A lot With each new tempo-

rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked

clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was

nothing

At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the

person who would become my life partner

another seasonal worker We would move from

Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We

lived one magical off-season on a houseboat

on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the

ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught

me I loved wide-open spaces What could be

wider than the Pacific A fter one more season

of guiding I came back to the coast and decided

to stay

I volunteered my way into one steady job

and eventually landed another at the local

college After a few more seasons my partner

came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota

and we bought another together He built a

business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our

hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and

had a child Wersquod officially settled down

The economic hardships of rural living

however are real job opportunities decline

and can no longer support the life wersquove built

The accumulation of years no longer fits into

the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner

took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast

and we lived as a split family The split was tax-

ing though so we decided to make the move

to the city We left the first community of our

adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven

ourselves The only community our daughter

has even known Friends asked me not to go

Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart

still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the

sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes

at the memory of that moon over Tillamook

Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot

nothingmdashitrsquos every thing

NANCY SLAVIN Portland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities44

Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm

LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015

This intertwined story of two

teenage girls and their mothers

is set in New Orleans during

and after Hurricane Katrina

In her debut novel Urbani an

Oregon writer with Southern

roots brings a maternal touch

to the narrative handling trag-

edy with a careful soulfulness

and love This honest yet brutal

story will simultaneously break

and warm your heart

mdashAnnie Kaffen

At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015

Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French

Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the

Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural

French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-

tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans

and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a

snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland

Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015

Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the

Oregon physician and radicalrsquos

extraordinary experiences

from her early years working in

a textile mill in New Bedford

Massachusetts through her

activist years in Oregon includ-

ing a three-year term at San

Quentin State Prison Equi lived

openly as a lesbian beginning in

the 1890s and was one of the

first practicing female doctors

in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and

compassion for others with a

strong personal belief in social

and economic justice

mdashCarole Shel lhart

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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45 FallWinter 2015 Move

People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015

This debut collection from

Portland writer Margaret

Malone is filled with brief

bitterly funny stories about the

sort of people who tie them-

selves in knots in their heads

and feel uncomfortable in their

own skin and can never quite

bring themselves to say the

words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point

includes all of us

mdashBen Waterhouse

The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015

Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer

The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with

Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research

for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the

first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of

revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced

a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer

in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he

writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo

mdashMaggie Starr

To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for

Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon

Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205

Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe

Sasquatch Books 2015

Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter

Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt

to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography

in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers

a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden

rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance

sounds smells and much more

mdashBen Waterhouse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities46

Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson

February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum

1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg

CROPPINGS

Wendy Red Star Untitled

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities programs are

funded by the National Endowment

for the Humanities and the Oregon

Cultural Trust and by contributions from

individuals foundations community

organizations and corporations For

more information about Oregon

Humanities or to learn how you can help

more Oregonians get together share

ideas listen think and grow please

contact us at

921 SW Washington Street Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax

(503) 241-0024

ohmoregonhumanitiesorg

oregonhumanitiesorg

Staff

e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r

Adam Davis

facilitation and tra ining manager

Rachel Bernstein

communicationsprogram associate

Eloise Holland

editorassociate director

Kathleen Holt

development director

Kamla Hurst

program officer

Annie Kaffen

office manager

Mikaela Schey

director of finance and oper ations

Carole Shellhart

development associate

Maggie Starr

communications associate

Ben Waterhouse

program coordinator

Kyle Weismann-Yee

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Board of Directorsch a i r

Sona Karentz Andrews Portland

v ic e ch a i r

Janet Webster Newport

tr e a s u r e r

Jeff Cronn Portland

secretary

Matthew Boulay Salem

Paul Duden Portland

Kimberly Howard Portland

Nels Johnson Portland

Emily Karr Portland

Shannon Mara Bend

Win McCormack Portland

Alberto Moreno Portland

Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego

Ron Paul Portland

Denise Reed Astoria

Chantal Strobel Bend

Dave Weich Portland

Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED

Non-profit Org

US Postage

PAID

Permit No 1274

Portland OR

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities38

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have

let that slip through thecracksrdquo

My grandfather said her spirit went to heaven while shielding his eyes

My sister kept looking for Grandma under the bed She kept asking why

Grandma was hiding

Irsquom trying to find the rhythm between the downbeats and the upstrokes here

To see what jigsaw fragments fit into our familyrsquos folklore Wersquore horrible archi-

vists There is no overarching opus to point to and say ldquoSee that Thatrsquos where

we come fromrdquo Nothing to say ldquoBecause of that this is where yoursquore goingrdquo We

have dwindling numbers We have a lack of traditions

We say ldquoTime ran away with usrdquo

We say ldquoI must have let that slip through the cracksrdquo

I have a vag ue recollection of the way things happened

My mother and sister and I moved from my grandfatherrsquos orchard to the next

closest town Grand Junction Lu and I started elementary school and followed

a giant irr igation ditch into the wilderness with a friend and from time to time

tried jumping our bikes down half staircases and somehow didnrsquot die in the

process

Mom got a good job with the city and started meeting less-than-desirableboyfriends

Eventually we moved from Colorado with one of these boyfriends and his

giant dog Puppy to Graylandmdasha town in Washington that doesnrsquot really exist

until yoursquove been there and even then becomes hazy when you leave again

We stayed in a sma ll single-story apartment by a clump of woods covered in

the mist bank ing off the ocean for eighteen months I can only vaguely remem-

ber the town Itrsquos fractured into three landmarks the gas station the Lamp-

lighter Restaurant and the sheriffrsquos house (whose daughters all appeared to be

Ama zons)

The ocean was a separate place only ten blocks from our front door

I can remember floating with my sister on a giant piece of foam we foundmdashfour

feet by four feet by one foot thickmdashout into the waves trying to make it over thecresting white peaks and into the stillness of the ocean

ldquoWhat were you thinking rdquo Mom said

We werenrsquot thinking Not about our grandfather swimm ing in the Pacific Not

about our father crossing a portion of the Atlantic Not about how itrsquos all the same

ocean that somebody schismed into different names to tr y to make sense of As

kids we were just on a piece of foam hand-paddling toward the horizon

I can still remember the way my skin itched like crazy under the warm shower

water after being so cold for so long after never successf ully pushi ng pa st the

high tide after being beached again and again

One day Momrsquos boyfriend and Puppy decided to leave and not come back Mom

decided wersquod move in case he ever did We packed a U-Haul and drove to Olympia

One of my new Olympian friends flicked a

match that started a fire inside my mattress I

tried to hide it but it wouldnrsquot stop smoking

Mom came home and we put the burning

bed outside

This isnrsquot a metaphor

I slept on the floor of my bedroom that

night missing the ocean of Grayland while my

mom and sister shared their bed in the room

next to mine The next morning my mattress

was a skeleton of scorched springs in the dump-

ster The Australian band Midnight Oil had a

popular song on the radio at the time One of us

would start singing the lyrics

How can we dance when our earth is turning

and then wersquod all join in

How do we sleep while our beds are burning and then wersquod laugh

But inside Irsquod feel a little pang of shame

Irsquod think of our giant piece of foam in Gray-

land That no matter how many times we

were beached we stil l had that tangible di rty

porous flotation device on which to try to

reach the horizon It felt familiar It felt safe

even though it wasnrsquot It knew the ocean the

way we did as something gia nt and limit less

something to be feared and conquered some-

thing to be moved by

In the middle of the night two months aftermoving to Olympia my sister woke to see a

flicker of light on the bedroom wall She called

my name and the light receded back down the

hall disappearing into the living room and

slipping out the front door

We discovered that the flickering light had

left wax shapes on the carpet of our living

room that could have been bad pentagrams or

the erratic shakiness of an unsteady hand It

left wax drippings on momrsquos ID card but didnrsquot

take any money It left us wondering if some

past boyfriend had found us somehow

Whi le we were out the next day somebody

hammered in the dead bolt on our apartment

door Mom winced at the divots denting the

wood She covered t he hole where t he lock ing

mechanism once was with her hand

We left the dishes in the sink

We left no forwarding address

We boarded a bus

Two days later we were on the doorstep of

the womenrsquos shelter in Portland Oregon with

a backpack apiece smelling of Greyhoundpeople and bus and station In addition to my

backpack I had a faux leather zip-up briefcase

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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39 FallWinter 2015 Move

in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever

received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer

trophies in the other

At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude

who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-

thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been

there were two concave smooth-skinned div-

ots She was always smiling I liked watching

how Jude listened

Before long the four of us moved into an

apartment between Portland and Gresham It

was right on the MAX line and right on the city

line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-

landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign

that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block

to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch

my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but

Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the

perfect space for her She said it was easier for

her to know where everything was in a smaller

environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond

than an ocean

One day Jude brought her new boyfriend

home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo

ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said

Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor

and said ldquo White peoplerdquo

I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was

wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what

ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to

a blind person

Red is the rage in your gut

White is the entrapment of the disabled

One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend

and her room became a closet again

We saw her a little and then not at all

Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to

Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally

almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of

my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday

cards and pictures that were inside it

Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-

day cards away

My wife and I began archiving our new fam-

ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with

the rest of them Our sons grew I became an

uncle My grandfather remarried and went

crazy My mother still has the same smile she

had when I was young

Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a

bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple

of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary

There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help

you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear

Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie

each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out

If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads

directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end

points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably

guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock

between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled

and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long

by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of

human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of

the Mayan calendar

In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and

I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of

the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam

When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-

land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else

ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says

one night while wersquore lying in bed

And I do

I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that

had to happen I listen to our breath

In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I

make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My

finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving

And then the line disappears

And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and

falling together

Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the

Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life

Poems and Stories of the Dead

If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between

Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities40

READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts

One hundred moves and not one of

them associated with the military

a job or being on the run

The Ledger

Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G

through a yard sale I picked up an old

ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-

ance Company of New York A large thin hard-

bound ledger black with a red spine eleven

inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by

insurance agents to track insurers and their

policies all entries written by hand There was

only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty

cents the rest of the pages were blank After

years of treasuring its antiquity but making

no entries of my own I tore the one used page

out and decided to start tracking al l my moves

before my memory lost track I sat down and

recorded all the moves I remembered over one

hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my

parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them

associated with the military a job or being on

the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-

derlust and exploration then relationships

and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad

landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just

being unable as a single parent to bear the rent

and high heating bills Once my oldest son and

I landed in a decent house that could hold us

indefinitely After three months I was drawn to

cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted

to gather them touch them fill their empti-

ness with our lives When I realized what was

going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in

that house for two years then moved to Hawai i

Now the kids are grown the grandkids are

teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos

no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-

foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a

semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided

me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she

said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo

As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot

out of my feet and sink into the ground I was

so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here

three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot

want to move

What have I lea rned th rough al l these

moves Adaptability being and living in the

now and that there is glory in both staying and

moving but it is much easier and cheaper to

stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland

Out of the Nest

I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E

back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze

tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last

time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex

where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs

Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot

stepped inside the apartment for eight months

To do so would risk my life

ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-

tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February

I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following

weekmdashfor six months

Left behind with Michael were our surro-

gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy

and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned

starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier

It was last October when I first developed

symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-

ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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41 FallWinter 2015 Move

This is where the plates layers of crust

crashed into each other in a fiery show

perhaps tens of thousands of years ago

Soon breathing was excruciating I took

shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain

Paralyzing fatigue set in

My endocrinologist suspected chronic

obstructive pulmonary disease which made

little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I

began scouring descriptions of lung conditions

Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity

pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung

Relief and terror flooded in

If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-

monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a

terminal condition in which scarring causes

respiratory failure within three to five years

Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif

caught early But the solution is drastic We

would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-

ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even

be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the

parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would

have a new ending

Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms

lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper

grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-

pice moments before plummeting

Today we are moving the last of our belong-

ings into our first house The kitties and birdies

have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed

While I cannot hold my babies I watch them

on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the

two-way speaker

From rescue feedings to teenage angst to

nighttime vigils during illness in caring for

these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging

from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety

Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey

take their first tentative steps toward flight

Today I learned the most painful lesson let-

ting go

MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene

Subduction Zones

T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK

were on an af ternoon in early Septem-

ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for

the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper

and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our

ankles

Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-

berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend

and is directly responsible for the creation of

Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back

then one that I sometimes imagined looked

like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus

Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of

the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale

their name suggests but the result of plates

shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-

tion led to the formation of the trio This is

where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into

each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-

sands of years ago Subduction zones are places

where great trauma lies

And here I was all these years later in the

shadows of these mountains loss everywhere

Later that day back at our apartment we

walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit

into anymore For more than a year we went

through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern

Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that

followed us Then one day our four-year-old

daughter started a conversation that shook me

ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo

I nodded

ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so

sadrdquo

Six words leapt at me

ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo

We moved back to Ash land where brig ht

red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-

hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot

know it then but we were charting our own

map however imperfect Healing crept up on

us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-

ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew

Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng

up the darkness Seventeen years passed

And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most

folks want to flee helps you see things more

clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in

its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along

VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities42POSTS

continued from previous page

Just to

underscore

how settled we

planned to be

we unpacked

EverythingEven the

heirloom china

which had never

before left its

boxes We were

here to stay

Dance Church

SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I

go to church Dance church A church

where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers

to recite A church where at first glance outsid-

ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon

arriving I see a few little munchkins running

around with oversize neon headphones on to

protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music

set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with

rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors

There are flowers candles pillow puddles

beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some

kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in

alignment with the morningrsquos intention

As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s

become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-

tainer in which I can move once again after

years of chronic freezing and dissociating A

trapped animal released back into the wild

wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom

in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism

evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with

anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our

spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist

The music awakens the holy spirit within

me and dances me through throngs of people

I am an antelope cut loose checking out the

creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns

bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms

Each stunning in their authentic movement I

see people falling in love with each other from

a distance I see a girl rocking four different

Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed

like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands

ldquopracticing dancingrdquo

This is the church of Miriam the biblical

tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of

years later I move here and I am reunited with

my self my best self my most curious mischie-

vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self

Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten

invited back in the room to whip her hair back

and forth I throw my head back in delight and

laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like

hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form

of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music

EMILY I BEDAL Portland

Again

M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R

upwardly mobile engineer That trans-

lated into at least one move per year until I was

eight and another address for high school I

moved every year in college one year twice I

moved three times during my first stint in Bos-

ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-

ment for the whole two years Then it was back

to Boston where I lived in five different homes

in five years

Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for

the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe

two years back East then back to New Mexico

in two different cities three different homes

Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates

what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo

From Albuquerque we moved to our present

home in Port Orford my thirt ieth

Moving has always been exciting cathar-

tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books

by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally

donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-

ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated

magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets

ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit

thatrsquos never happened In each new house

wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos

never worked

We vowed Port Orford would be our final

ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore

how settled we planned to be we unpacked

Everything Even the heirloom china which

had never before left its boxes We were here

to stay

Except it seems wersquore going to have to move

again but not for the exciting futures wersquod

always envisioned before Now we need doctors

and hospitals and a nearby airport for family

visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is

on the other side of adventure Now we need a

place to feel safe secure

So the sorting and throwing out is about to

begin yet again There are closets and drawers

that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to

dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of

booksmdashto give away This move exciting No

way The very thought of it exhausts me

Still those other feelings cathartic freeing

new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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43 FallWinter 2015 Move

Next theme Root

For the Spring 2016 issue tell

us your stories about rooting

around taking root being

uprooted or root-bound getting

to the root of a problem being

the root of the problem rooting

someone on Share stories and

ideas about beginnings origins

and foundations Analyze a

historical or contemporary

grassroots effort Describe

the tension between staying

put and being stuck Send your

submission (400 words maxi-

mum) by February 15 2016 to

postsoregonhumanitiesorg

Submissions may be edited for

space or clarity

Listen to Your Body

I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y

motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease

Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit

and spot-on timing Though she was confined

to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was

still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her

sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-

cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone

have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but

aching joints diminished strength and a fal-

tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back

Those maladies werenrsquot the result of

chronic disease More like lack of exercise At

some point in the past decade or so I developed

an aversion to any fitness routine That choice

has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo

class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community

Center

Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the

center for the past thirty-six years teaches

the dance-infused workout three days a week

Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at

the core of each class She dispenses praise as

we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform

deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements

and she encourages each of us to breathe and

listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably

youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying

ballet seriously By then her versatility as an

actress singer dancer and comedian had been

evident in community theater productions in

the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although

not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few

years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe

continues to lead a full life She can still stand

and press her palms flat to the floor despite

relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip

notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg

and stretch at the barre

A role model for agi ng wit h presence and

dignity Lynn maintains her considerable

charm and elegance and purposely keeps her

body and mind active Like my mother she

is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has

inspired me to accept what my body can do

today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow

Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for

getting up in the morning And by some mea-

sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE

Portland

Over the Hill

I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D

eleven times in three years I worked spring

through fall as a natural history guide in

Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure

where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned

into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply

moved around A lot With each new tempo-

rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked

clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was

nothing

At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the

person who would become my life partner

another seasonal worker We would move from

Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We

lived one magical off-season on a houseboat

on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the

ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught

me I loved wide-open spaces What could be

wider than the Pacific A fter one more season

of guiding I came back to the coast and decided

to stay

I volunteered my way into one steady job

and eventually landed another at the local

college After a few more seasons my partner

came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota

and we bought another together He built a

business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our

hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and

had a child Wersquod officially settled down

The economic hardships of rural living

however are real job opportunities decline

and can no longer support the life wersquove built

The accumulation of years no longer fits into

the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner

took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast

and we lived as a split family The split was tax-

ing though so we decided to make the move

to the city We left the first community of our

adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven

ourselves The only community our daughter

has even known Friends asked me not to go

Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart

still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the

sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes

at the memory of that moon over Tillamook

Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot

nothingmdashitrsquos every thing

NANCY SLAVIN Portland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities44

Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm

LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015

This intertwined story of two

teenage girls and their mothers

is set in New Orleans during

and after Hurricane Katrina

In her debut novel Urbani an

Oregon writer with Southern

roots brings a maternal touch

to the narrative handling trag-

edy with a careful soulfulness

and love This honest yet brutal

story will simultaneously break

and warm your heart

mdashAnnie Kaffen

At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015

Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French

Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the

Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural

French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-

tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans

and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a

snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland

Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015

Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the

Oregon physician and radicalrsquos

extraordinary experiences

from her early years working in

a textile mill in New Bedford

Massachusetts through her

activist years in Oregon includ-

ing a three-year term at San

Quentin State Prison Equi lived

openly as a lesbian beginning in

the 1890s and was one of the

first practicing female doctors

in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and

compassion for others with a

strong personal belief in social

and economic justice

mdashCarole Shel lhart

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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45 FallWinter 2015 Move

People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015

This debut collection from

Portland writer Margaret

Malone is filled with brief

bitterly funny stories about the

sort of people who tie them-

selves in knots in their heads

and feel uncomfortable in their

own skin and can never quite

bring themselves to say the

words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point

includes all of us

mdashBen Waterhouse

The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015

Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer

The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with

Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research

for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the

first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of

revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced

a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer

in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he

writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo

mdashMaggie Starr

To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for

Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon

Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205

Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe

Sasquatch Books 2015

Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter

Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt

to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography

in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers

a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden

rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance

sounds smells and much more

mdashBen Waterhouse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4648

Oregon Humanities46

Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson

February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum

1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg

CROPPINGS

Wendy Red Star Untitled

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4748

Oregon Humanities programs are

funded by the National Endowment

for the Humanities and the Oregon

Cultural Trust and by contributions from

individuals foundations community

organizations and corporations For

more information about Oregon

Humanities or to learn how you can help

more Oregonians get together share

ideas listen think and grow please

contact us at

921 SW Washington Street Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax

(503) 241-0024

ohmoregonhumanitiesorg

oregonhumanitiesorg

Staff

e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r

Adam Davis

facilitation and tra ining manager

Rachel Bernstein

communicationsprogram associate

Eloise Holland

editorassociate director

Kathleen Holt

development director

Kamla Hurst

program officer

Annie Kaffen

office manager

Mikaela Schey

director of finance and oper ations

Carole Shellhart

development associate

Maggie Starr

communications associate

Ben Waterhouse

program coordinator

Kyle Weismann-Yee

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4848

Board of Directorsch a i r

Sona Karentz Andrews Portland

v ic e ch a i r

Janet Webster Newport

tr e a s u r e r

Jeff Cronn Portland

secretary

Matthew Boulay Salem

Paul Duden Portland

Kimberly Howard Portland

Nels Johnson Portland

Emily Karr Portland

Shannon Mara Bend

Win McCormack Portland

Alberto Moreno Portland

Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego

Ron Paul Portland

Denise Reed Astoria

Chantal Strobel Bend

Dave Weich Portland

Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED

Non-profit Org

US Postage

PAID

Permit No 1274

Portland OR

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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39 FallWinter 2015 Move

in one handmdashwith every birthday card Irsquod ever

received inside itmdashand a sack of plastic soccer

trophies in the other

At the shelter we met a woman na med Jude

who was born w ithout eyes Itrsquos called anoph-

thalmia Where Judersquos eyes should have been

there were two concave smooth-skinned div-

ots She was always smiling I liked watching

how Jude listened

Before long the four of us moved into an

apartment between Portland and Gresham It

was right on the MAX line and right on the city

line A green sign that read ldquoWelcome to Port-

landrdquo was a half block to the west of us a sign

that read ldquoWelcome to Greshamrdquo a half block

to the east I wasnrsquot old enough to legally watch

my sister Jude watched usThe apartment had only t wo bedrooms but

Jude insisted that the walk-in closet was the

perfect space for her She said it was easier for

her to know where everything was in a smaller

environment She sa id shersquod rather be in a pond

than an ocean

One day Jude brought her new boyfriend

home and he said ldquoThey put you in the closet rdquo

ldquoShe likes it in thererdquo Mom said

Judersquos boyfriend shook his head at the floor

and said ldquo White peoplerdquo

I remember thinking that was a strangething to say since Jude his girlfriend was

wh ite I wonder ed if she even kn ew what

ldquowhiterdquo meant How do you describe color to

a blind person

Red is the rage in your gut

White is the entrapment of the disabled

One day Jude moved out with her boyfriend

and her room became a closet again

We saw her a little and then not at all

Eventually I gave my soccer trophies to

Goodwill the plastic gold figurines eternally

almost-kicking their little gold balls I got rid of

my faux leather briefcase but kept the birthday

cards and pictures that were inside it

Then one year I spring-cleaned the birth-

day cards away

My wife and I began archiving our new fam-

ily and my briefcase pictures got mixed in with

the rest of them Our sons grew I became an

uncle My grandfather remarried and went

crazy My mother still has the same smile she

had when I was young

Right now Irsquom typing this in the place whereI always write My laptop is in front of me a

bunch of CDs towering on either side a couple

of guitars hanging on the wall a record player a thesaurus an Oxford dictionary

There is a copy of a ldquoFeelings Circlerdquo tacked to my left Itrsquos supposed to help

you develop realistic characters At the middle of the circle are the words Fear

Anger Disgust Sad Happy and Surprise each isolated in its own piece of the pie

each word splintering off into how it is ultimately played out

If you follow the word Surprise diagonally toward eight orsquoclock it leads

directly to Confused and from there to either Perplexed or Disillusioned The end

points of Anger fan up and out leading to sixteen possibilities you could probably

guess at If you put your finger on Happy and ride the line down to six orsquoclock

between Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line that separates Fulfilled

and Courageous All of this i s printed on a sheet of paper that rsquos four hundred millimeters long

by four hundred millimeters wide and one millimeter thick The entire array of

human experience is displayed on what at first appears to be a cheap imitation of

the Mayan calendar

In about five years when our youngest son is finished with school my wife and

I plan to move to the coastmdashnorth of where my grandfather swam and south of

the spot where my sister and I found our piece of foam

When we move it wil l be the first time my wife has ever lived outside of Port-

land Itrsquos been a long time since Irsquove lived anywhere else

ldquoThink of all the things that had to happen for us to have even metrdquo she says

one night while wersquore lying in bed

And I do

I close my eyes I squeeze my arm tighter around her I picture every thing that

had to happen I listen to our breath

In my mind I put one finger on the word Happy at the center of the circle I

make a diagonal line through the Mayan Calendar of Emotions to five thir ty My

finger passes through Peaceful It lands on the line separating Hopeful and Loving

And then the line disappears

And a ll thatrsquos left is the air wersquore inha ling and exha ling our lungs r ising and

falling together

Jason Arias lives in Portland with his wife and sons His writing can be foundin many literary publications including Blue Skirt Productions NAILED the

Nashville Review Perceptions Magazine and in the new anthology (AFTER)life

Poems and Stories of the Dead

If you put your finger on Happy and ride the linedown to six orsquoclock between

Accepted and Powerful you end up on the line thatseparates Fulfilled andCourageous

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities40

READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts

One hundred moves and not one of

them associated with the military

a job or being on the run

The Ledger

Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G

through a yard sale I picked up an old

ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-

ance Company of New York A large thin hard-

bound ledger black with a red spine eleven

inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by

insurance agents to track insurers and their

policies all entries written by hand There was

only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty

cents the rest of the pages were blank After

years of treasuring its antiquity but making

no entries of my own I tore the one used page

out and decided to start tracking al l my moves

before my memory lost track I sat down and

recorded all the moves I remembered over one

hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my

parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them

associated with the military a job or being on

the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-

derlust and exploration then relationships

and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad

landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just

being unable as a single parent to bear the rent

and high heating bills Once my oldest son and

I landed in a decent house that could hold us

indefinitely After three months I was drawn to

cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted

to gather them touch them fill their empti-

ness with our lives When I realized what was

going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in

that house for two years then moved to Hawai i

Now the kids are grown the grandkids are

teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos

no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-

foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a

semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided

me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she

said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo

As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot

out of my feet and sink into the ground I was

so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here

three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot

want to move

What have I lea rned th rough al l these

moves Adaptability being and living in the

now and that there is glory in both staying and

moving but it is much easier and cheaper to

stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland

Out of the Nest

I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E

back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze

tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last

time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex

where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs

Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot

stepped inside the apartment for eight months

To do so would risk my life

ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-

tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February

I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following

weekmdashfor six months

Left behind with Michael were our surro-

gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy

and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned

starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier

It was last October when I first developed

symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-

ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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41 FallWinter 2015 Move

This is where the plates layers of crust

crashed into each other in a fiery show

perhaps tens of thousands of years ago

Soon breathing was excruciating I took

shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain

Paralyzing fatigue set in

My endocrinologist suspected chronic

obstructive pulmonary disease which made

little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I

began scouring descriptions of lung conditions

Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity

pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung

Relief and terror flooded in

If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-

monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a

terminal condition in which scarring causes

respiratory failure within three to five years

Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif

caught early But the solution is drastic We

would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-

ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even

be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the

parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would

have a new ending

Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms

lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper

grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-

pice moments before plummeting

Today we are moving the last of our belong-

ings into our first house The kitties and birdies

have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed

While I cannot hold my babies I watch them

on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the

two-way speaker

From rescue feedings to teenage angst to

nighttime vigils during illness in caring for

these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging

from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety

Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey

take their first tentative steps toward flight

Today I learned the most painful lesson let-

ting go

MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene

Subduction Zones

T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK

were on an af ternoon in early Septem-

ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for

the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper

and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our

ankles

Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-

berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend

and is directly responsible for the creation of

Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back

then one that I sometimes imagined looked

like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus

Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of

the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale

their name suggests but the result of plates

shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-

tion led to the formation of the trio This is

where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into

each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-

sands of years ago Subduction zones are places

where great trauma lies

And here I was all these years later in the

shadows of these mountains loss everywhere

Later that day back at our apartment we

walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit

into anymore For more than a year we went

through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern

Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that

followed us Then one day our four-year-old

daughter started a conversation that shook me

ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo

I nodded

ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so

sadrdquo

Six words leapt at me

ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo

We moved back to Ash land where brig ht

red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-

hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot

know it then but we were charting our own

map however imperfect Healing crept up on

us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-

ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew

Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng

up the darkness Seventeen years passed

And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most

folks want to flee helps you see things more

clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in

its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along

VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities42POSTS

continued from previous page

Just to

underscore

how settled we

planned to be

we unpacked

EverythingEven the

heirloom china

which had never

before left its

boxes We were

here to stay

Dance Church

SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I

go to church Dance church A church

where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers

to recite A church where at first glance outsid-

ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon

arriving I see a few little munchkins running

around with oversize neon headphones on to

protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music

set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with

rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors

There are flowers candles pillow puddles

beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some

kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in

alignment with the morningrsquos intention

As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s

become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-

tainer in which I can move once again after

years of chronic freezing and dissociating A

trapped animal released back into the wild

wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom

in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism

evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with

anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our

spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist

The music awakens the holy spirit within

me and dances me through throngs of people

I am an antelope cut loose checking out the

creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns

bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms

Each stunning in their authentic movement I

see people falling in love with each other from

a distance I see a girl rocking four different

Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed

like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands

ldquopracticing dancingrdquo

This is the church of Miriam the biblical

tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of

years later I move here and I am reunited with

my self my best self my most curious mischie-

vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self

Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten

invited back in the room to whip her hair back

and forth I throw my head back in delight and

laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like

hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form

of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music

EMILY I BEDAL Portland

Again

M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R

upwardly mobile engineer That trans-

lated into at least one move per year until I was

eight and another address for high school I

moved every year in college one year twice I

moved three times during my first stint in Bos-

ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-

ment for the whole two years Then it was back

to Boston where I lived in five different homes

in five years

Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for

the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe

two years back East then back to New Mexico

in two different cities three different homes

Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates

what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo

From Albuquerque we moved to our present

home in Port Orford my thirt ieth

Moving has always been exciting cathar-

tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books

by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally

donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-

ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated

magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets

ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit

thatrsquos never happened In each new house

wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos

never worked

We vowed Port Orford would be our final

ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore

how settled we planned to be we unpacked

Everything Even the heirloom china which

had never before left its boxes We were here

to stay

Except it seems wersquore going to have to move

again but not for the exciting futures wersquod

always envisioned before Now we need doctors

and hospitals and a nearby airport for family

visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is

on the other side of adventure Now we need a

place to feel safe secure

So the sorting and throwing out is about to

begin yet again There are closets and drawers

that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to

dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of

booksmdashto give away This move exciting No

way The very thought of it exhausts me

Still those other feelings cathartic freeing

new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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43 FallWinter 2015 Move

Next theme Root

For the Spring 2016 issue tell

us your stories about rooting

around taking root being

uprooted or root-bound getting

to the root of a problem being

the root of the problem rooting

someone on Share stories and

ideas about beginnings origins

and foundations Analyze a

historical or contemporary

grassroots effort Describe

the tension between staying

put and being stuck Send your

submission (400 words maxi-

mum) by February 15 2016 to

postsoregonhumanitiesorg

Submissions may be edited for

space or clarity

Listen to Your Body

I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y

motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease

Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit

and spot-on timing Though she was confined

to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was

still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her

sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-

cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone

have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but

aching joints diminished strength and a fal-

tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back

Those maladies werenrsquot the result of

chronic disease More like lack of exercise At

some point in the past decade or so I developed

an aversion to any fitness routine That choice

has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo

class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community

Center

Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the

center for the past thirty-six years teaches

the dance-infused workout three days a week

Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at

the core of each class She dispenses praise as

we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform

deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements

and she encourages each of us to breathe and

listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably

youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying

ballet seriously By then her versatility as an

actress singer dancer and comedian had been

evident in community theater productions in

the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although

not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few

years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe

continues to lead a full life She can still stand

and press her palms flat to the floor despite

relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip

notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg

and stretch at the barre

A role model for agi ng wit h presence and

dignity Lynn maintains her considerable

charm and elegance and purposely keeps her

body and mind active Like my mother she

is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has

inspired me to accept what my body can do

today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow

Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for

getting up in the morning And by some mea-

sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE

Portland

Over the Hill

I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D

eleven times in three years I worked spring

through fall as a natural history guide in

Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure

where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned

into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply

moved around A lot With each new tempo-

rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked

clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was

nothing

At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the

person who would become my life partner

another seasonal worker We would move from

Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We

lived one magical off-season on a houseboat

on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the

ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught

me I loved wide-open spaces What could be

wider than the Pacific A fter one more season

of guiding I came back to the coast and decided

to stay

I volunteered my way into one steady job

and eventually landed another at the local

college After a few more seasons my partner

came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota

and we bought another together He built a

business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our

hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and

had a child Wersquod officially settled down

The economic hardships of rural living

however are real job opportunities decline

and can no longer support the life wersquove built

The accumulation of years no longer fits into

the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner

took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast

and we lived as a split family The split was tax-

ing though so we decided to make the move

to the city We left the first community of our

adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven

ourselves The only community our daughter

has even known Friends asked me not to go

Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart

still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the

sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes

at the memory of that moon over Tillamook

Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot

nothingmdashitrsquos every thing

NANCY SLAVIN Portland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4448

Oregon Humanities44

Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm

LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015

This intertwined story of two

teenage girls and their mothers

is set in New Orleans during

and after Hurricane Katrina

In her debut novel Urbani an

Oregon writer with Southern

roots brings a maternal touch

to the narrative handling trag-

edy with a careful soulfulness

and love This honest yet brutal

story will simultaneously break

and warm your heart

mdashAnnie Kaffen

At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015

Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French

Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the

Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural

French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-

tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans

and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a

snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland

Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015

Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the

Oregon physician and radicalrsquos

extraordinary experiences

from her early years working in

a textile mill in New Bedford

Massachusetts through her

activist years in Oregon includ-

ing a three-year term at San

Quentin State Prison Equi lived

openly as a lesbian beginning in

the 1890s and was one of the

first practicing female doctors

in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and

compassion for others with a

strong personal belief in social

and economic justice

mdashCarole Shel lhart

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4548

45 FallWinter 2015 Move

People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015

This debut collection from

Portland writer Margaret

Malone is filled with brief

bitterly funny stories about the

sort of people who tie them-

selves in knots in their heads

and feel uncomfortable in their

own skin and can never quite

bring themselves to say the

words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point

includes all of us

mdashBen Waterhouse

The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015

Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer

The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with

Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research

for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the

first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of

revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced

a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer

in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he

writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo

mdashMaggie Starr

To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for

Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon

Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205

Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe

Sasquatch Books 2015

Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter

Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt

to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography

in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers

a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden

rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance

sounds smells and much more

mdashBen Waterhouse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4648

Oregon Humanities46

Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson

February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum

1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg

CROPPINGS

Wendy Red Star Untitled

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4748

Oregon Humanities programs are

funded by the National Endowment

for the Humanities and the Oregon

Cultural Trust and by contributions from

individuals foundations community

organizations and corporations For

more information about Oregon

Humanities or to learn how you can help

more Oregonians get together share

ideas listen think and grow please

contact us at

921 SW Washington Street Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax

(503) 241-0024

ohmoregonhumanitiesorg

oregonhumanitiesorg

Staff

e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r

Adam Davis

facilitation and tra ining manager

Rachel Bernstein

communicationsprogram associate

Eloise Holland

editorassociate director

Kathleen Holt

development director

Kamla Hurst

program officer

Annie Kaffen

office manager

Mikaela Schey

director of finance and oper ations

Carole Shellhart

development associate

Maggie Starr

communications associate

Ben Waterhouse

program coordinator

Kyle Weismann-Yee

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4848

Board of Directorsch a i r

Sona Karentz Andrews Portland

v ic e ch a i r

Janet Webster Newport

tr e a s u r e r

Jeff Cronn Portland

secretary

Matthew Boulay Salem

Paul Duden Portland

Kimberly Howard Portland

Nels Johnson Portland

Emily Karr Portland

Shannon Mara Bend

Win McCormack Portland

Alberto Moreno Portland

Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego

Ron Paul Portland

Denise Reed Astoria

Chantal Strobel Bend

Dave Weich Portland

Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED

Non-profit Org

US Postage

PAID

Permit No 1274

Portland OR

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

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Oregon Humanities40

READERS W RITE ABOUT MOVEPosts

One hundred moves and not one of

them associated with the military

a job or being on the run

The Ledger

Y E A R S A G O W H I L E C R U I S I N G

through a yard sale I picked up an old

ledger book from the Westchester Fire Insur-

ance Company of New York A large thin hard-

bound ledger black with a red spine eleven

inches wide by fifteen-and-a-half inches tallIt was probably from the early 1900s used by

insurance agents to track insurers and their

policies all entries written by hand There was

only one entry in it when I bought it for fifty

cents the rest of the pages were blank After

years of treasuring its antiquity but making

no entries of my own I tore the one used page

out and decided to start tracking al l my moves

before my memory lost track I sat down and

recorded all the moves I remembered over one

hundred starting in 1966 the year I left my

parentsrsquo homeOne hundred moves and not one of them

associated with the military a job or being on

the run In the beginning it was youthful wan-

derlust and exploration then relationships

and social upheavalmdashaka ldquothe sixtiesrdquomdashbad

landlords worse tenants and neighbors or just

being unable as a single parent to bear the rent

and high heating bills Once my oldest son and

I landed in a decent house that could hold us

indefinitely After three months I was drawn to

cardboard boxes and their qualities I wanted

to gather them touch them fill their empti-

ness with our lives When I realized what was

going on I gave the boxes away We stayed in

that house for two years then moved to Hawai i

Now the kids are grown the grandkids are

teenagers and Irsquove downsized so much therersquos

no room for overnight guests in this 450-square-

foot stand-alone one-bedroom cottage in a

semirural area Two years ago a f riend chided

me for daydreaming aloud about moving againldquoYou move away but you always come backrdquo she

said ldquoWhy donrsquot you just call this homerdquo

As soon as she said that I felt root s shoot

out of my feet and sink into the ground I was

so astounded I couldnrsquot move Irsquove been here

three years now and am getting lazy I donrsquot

want to move

What have I lea rned th rough al l these

moves Adaptability being and living in the

now and that there is glory in both staying and

moving but it is much easier and cheaper to

stay and wanderPAM J COOPER Ashland

Out of the Nest

I A M W R I T I N G T H I S F R O M T H E

back of a fifteen-foot U-Haul A breeze

tickles my face in the autumn heat It is the last

time I will lay eyes on the clamshell complex

where wersquove lived for sixteen yea rs

Or shall I say Michael has lived I havenrsquot

stepped inside the apartment for eight months

To do so would risk my life

ldquoThis is a drop-everything-and-go situa-

tionrdquo my endocrinologist said last February

I was to depart for my motherrsquos the following

weekmdashfor six months

Left behind with Michael were our surro-

gate childrenmdashonce-abandoned cats Snoopy

and Charlie plus Franny and Zooey orphaned

starlings wersquod adopted nine years earlier

It was last October when I first developed

symptoms shortness of breath chest tight-

ness coughing My doctors paid little heed Sodid I until it grew worse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4148

41 FallWinter 2015 Move

This is where the plates layers of crust

crashed into each other in a fiery show

perhaps tens of thousands of years ago

Soon breathing was excruciating I took

shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain

Paralyzing fatigue set in

My endocrinologist suspected chronic

obstructive pulmonary disease which made

little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I

began scouring descriptions of lung conditions

Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity

pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung

Relief and terror flooded in

If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-

monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a

terminal condition in which scarring causes

respiratory failure within three to five years

Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif

caught early But the solution is drastic We

would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-

ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even

be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the

parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would

have a new ending

Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms

lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper

grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-

pice moments before plummeting

Today we are moving the last of our belong-

ings into our first house The kitties and birdies

have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed

While I cannot hold my babies I watch them

on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the

two-way speaker

From rescue feedings to teenage angst to

nighttime vigils during illness in caring for

these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging

from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety

Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey

take their first tentative steps toward flight

Today I learned the most painful lesson let-

ting go

MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene

Subduction Zones

T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK

were on an af ternoon in early Septem-

ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for

the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper

and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our

ankles

Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-

berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend

and is directly responsible for the creation of

Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back

then one that I sometimes imagined looked

like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus

Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of

the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale

their name suggests but the result of plates

shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-

tion led to the formation of the trio This is

where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into

each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-

sands of years ago Subduction zones are places

where great trauma lies

And here I was all these years later in the

shadows of these mountains loss everywhere

Later that day back at our apartment we

walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit

into anymore For more than a year we went

through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern

Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that

followed us Then one day our four-year-old

daughter started a conversation that shook me

ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo

I nodded

ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so

sadrdquo

Six words leapt at me

ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo

We moved back to Ash land where brig ht

red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-

hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot

know it then but we were charting our own

map however imperfect Healing crept up on

us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-

ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew

Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng

up the darkness Seventeen years passed

And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most

folks want to flee helps you see things more

clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in

its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along

VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4248

Oregon Humanities42POSTS

continued from previous page

Just to

underscore

how settled we

planned to be

we unpacked

EverythingEven the

heirloom china

which had never

before left its

boxes We were

here to stay

Dance Church

SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I

go to church Dance church A church

where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers

to recite A church where at first glance outsid-

ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon

arriving I see a few little munchkins running

around with oversize neon headphones on to

protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music

set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with

rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors

There are flowers candles pillow puddles

beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some

kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in

alignment with the morningrsquos intention

As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s

become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-

tainer in which I can move once again after

years of chronic freezing and dissociating A

trapped animal released back into the wild

wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom

in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism

evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with

anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our

spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist

The music awakens the holy spirit within

me and dances me through throngs of people

I am an antelope cut loose checking out the

creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns

bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms

Each stunning in their authentic movement I

see people falling in love with each other from

a distance I see a girl rocking four different

Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed

like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands

ldquopracticing dancingrdquo

This is the church of Miriam the biblical

tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of

years later I move here and I am reunited with

my self my best self my most curious mischie-

vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self

Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten

invited back in the room to whip her hair back

and forth I throw my head back in delight and

laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like

hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form

of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music

EMILY I BEDAL Portland

Again

M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R

upwardly mobile engineer That trans-

lated into at least one move per year until I was

eight and another address for high school I

moved every year in college one year twice I

moved three times during my first stint in Bos-

ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-

ment for the whole two years Then it was back

to Boston where I lived in five different homes

in five years

Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for

the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe

two years back East then back to New Mexico

in two different cities three different homes

Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates

what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo

From Albuquerque we moved to our present

home in Port Orford my thirt ieth

Moving has always been exciting cathar-

tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books

by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally

donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-

ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated

magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets

ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit

thatrsquos never happened In each new house

wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos

never worked

We vowed Port Orford would be our final

ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore

how settled we planned to be we unpacked

Everything Even the heirloom china which

had never before left its boxes We were here

to stay

Except it seems wersquore going to have to move

again but not for the exciting futures wersquod

always envisioned before Now we need doctors

and hospitals and a nearby airport for family

visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is

on the other side of adventure Now we need a

place to feel safe secure

So the sorting and throwing out is about to

begin yet again There are closets and drawers

that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to

dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of

booksmdashto give away This move exciting No

way The very thought of it exhausts me

Still those other feelings cathartic freeing

new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4348

43 FallWinter 2015 Move

Next theme Root

For the Spring 2016 issue tell

us your stories about rooting

around taking root being

uprooted or root-bound getting

to the root of a problem being

the root of the problem rooting

someone on Share stories and

ideas about beginnings origins

and foundations Analyze a

historical or contemporary

grassroots effort Describe

the tension between staying

put and being stuck Send your

submission (400 words maxi-

mum) by February 15 2016 to

postsoregonhumanitiesorg

Submissions may be edited for

space or clarity

Listen to Your Body

I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y

motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease

Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit

and spot-on timing Though she was confined

to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was

still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her

sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-

cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone

have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but

aching joints diminished strength and a fal-

tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back

Those maladies werenrsquot the result of

chronic disease More like lack of exercise At

some point in the past decade or so I developed

an aversion to any fitness routine That choice

has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo

class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community

Center

Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the

center for the past thirty-six years teaches

the dance-infused workout three days a week

Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at

the core of each class She dispenses praise as

we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform

deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements

and she encourages each of us to breathe and

listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably

youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying

ballet seriously By then her versatility as an

actress singer dancer and comedian had been

evident in community theater productions in

the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although

not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few

years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe

continues to lead a full life She can still stand

and press her palms flat to the floor despite

relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip

notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg

and stretch at the barre

A role model for agi ng wit h presence and

dignity Lynn maintains her considerable

charm and elegance and purposely keeps her

body and mind active Like my mother she

is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has

inspired me to accept what my body can do

today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow

Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for

getting up in the morning And by some mea-

sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE

Portland

Over the Hill

I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D

eleven times in three years I worked spring

through fall as a natural history guide in

Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure

where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned

into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply

moved around A lot With each new tempo-

rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked

clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was

nothing

At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the

person who would become my life partner

another seasonal worker We would move from

Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We

lived one magical off-season on a houseboat

on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the

ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught

me I loved wide-open spaces What could be

wider than the Pacific A fter one more season

of guiding I came back to the coast and decided

to stay

I volunteered my way into one steady job

and eventually landed another at the local

college After a few more seasons my partner

came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota

and we bought another together He built a

business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our

hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and

had a child Wersquod officially settled down

The economic hardships of rural living

however are real job opportunities decline

and can no longer support the life wersquove built

The accumulation of years no longer fits into

the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner

took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast

and we lived as a split family The split was tax-

ing though so we decided to make the move

to the city We left the first community of our

adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven

ourselves The only community our daughter

has even known Friends asked me not to go

Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart

still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the

sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes

at the memory of that moon over Tillamook

Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot

nothingmdashitrsquos every thing

NANCY SLAVIN Portland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4448

Oregon Humanities44

Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm

LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015

This intertwined story of two

teenage girls and their mothers

is set in New Orleans during

and after Hurricane Katrina

In her debut novel Urbani an

Oregon writer with Southern

roots brings a maternal touch

to the narrative handling trag-

edy with a careful soulfulness

and love This honest yet brutal

story will simultaneously break

and warm your heart

mdashAnnie Kaffen

At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015

Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French

Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the

Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural

French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-

tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans

and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a

snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland

Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015

Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the

Oregon physician and radicalrsquos

extraordinary experiences

from her early years working in

a textile mill in New Bedford

Massachusetts through her

activist years in Oregon includ-

ing a three-year term at San

Quentin State Prison Equi lived

openly as a lesbian beginning in

the 1890s and was one of the

first practicing female doctors

in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and

compassion for others with a

strong personal belief in social

and economic justice

mdashCarole Shel lhart

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4548

45 FallWinter 2015 Move

People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015

This debut collection from

Portland writer Margaret

Malone is filled with brief

bitterly funny stories about the

sort of people who tie them-

selves in knots in their heads

and feel uncomfortable in their

own skin and can never quite

bring themselves to say the

words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point

includes all of us

mdashBen Waterhouse

The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015

Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer

The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with

Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research

for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the

first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of

revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced

a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer

in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he

writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo

mdashMaggie Starr

To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for

Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon

Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205

Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe

Sasquatch Books 2015

Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter

Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt

to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography

in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers

a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden

rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance

sounds smells and much more

mdashBen Waterhouse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4648

Oregon Humanities46

Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson

February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum

1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg

CROPPINGS

Wendy Red Star Untitled

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4748

Oregon Humanities programs are

funded by the National Endowment

for the Humanities and the Oregon

Cultural Trust and by contributions from

individuals foundations community

organizations and corporations For

more information about Oregon

Humanities or to learn how you can help

more Oregonians get together share

ideas listen think and grow please

contact us at

921 SW Washington Street Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax

(503) 241-0024

ohmoregonhumanitiesorg

oregonhumanitiesorg

Staff

e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r

Adam Davis

facilitation and tra ining manager

Rachel Bernstein

communicationsprogram associate

Eloise Holland

editorassociate director

Kathleen Holt

development director

Kamla Hurst

program officer

Annie Kaffen

office manager

Mikaela Schey

director of finance and oper ations

Carole Shellhart

development associate

Maggie Starr

communications associate

Ben Waterhouse

program coordinator

Kyle Weismann-Yee

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4848

Board of Directorsch a i r

Sona Karentz Andrews Portland

v ic e ch a i r

Janet Webster Newport

tr e a s u r e r

Jeff Cronn Portland

secretary

Matthew Boulay Salem

Paul Duden Portland

Kimberly Howard Portland

Nels Johnson Portland

Emily Karr Portland

Shannon Mara Bend

Win McCormack Portland

Alberto Moreno Portland

Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego

Ron Paul Portland

Denise Reed Astoria

Chantal Strobel Bend

Dave Weich Portland

Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED

Non-profit Org

US Postage

PAID

Permit No 1274

Portland OR

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4148

41 FallWinter 2015 Move

This is where the plates layers of crust

crashed into each other in a fiery show

perhaps tens of thousands of years ago

Soon breathing was excruciating I took

shallow butterfly breaths to lessen the pain

Paralyzing fatigue set in

My endocrinologist suspected chronic

obstructive pulmonary disease which made

little sense given that Irsquove never smoked I

began scouring descriptions of lung conditions

Nothing fit until I found hypersensitivity

pneumonitis specifically bird fancierrsquos lung

Relief and terror flooded in

If left unchecked hypersensitivity pneu-

monitis progresses to pulmonary fibrosis a

terminal condition in which scarring causes

respiratory failure within three to five years

Fortunately the disease is reversiblemdashif

caught early But the solution is drastic We

would have to moveI had developed a potentially fatal sensitiv-

ity to starlings I could no longer touch or even

be near them The book Irsquod been writing on the

parenting lessons of raising pet starlings would

have a new ending

Within weeks of relocating my sy mptoms

lessened Breaths no longer felt like sandpaper

grating my lungs I had stepped from a preci-

pice moments before plummeting

Today we are moving the last of our belong-

ings into our first house The kitties and birdies

have already joined us the latter living in anelaborate outdoor avia ry Michael constructed

While I cannot hold my babies I watch them

on a video monitor speaking soothingly on the

two-way speaker

From rescue feedings to teenage angst to

nighttime vigils during illness in caring for

these birds Irsquove experienced emotions ranging

from epiphanic gratitude to shattering anx iety

Irsquove felt pride in watching Franny and Zooey

take their first tentative steps toward flight

Today I learned the most painful lesson let-

ting go

MELISSA L MICHAELS Eugene

Subduction Zones

T H E H A R D E S T S T E P S I E V E R T OOK

were on an af ternoon in early Septem-

ber as I walked away from my sonrsquos grave for

the first time The cemetery smelled of juniper

and baked dirt and the heat rose up from our

ankles

Al l a round me were reminders of how theforces of nature could alter everything New-

berry Volcano lies twenty miles south of Bend

and is directly responsible for the creation of

Pilot Butte a constant presence in my life back

then one that I sometimes imagined looked

like the backside of a sleepy brontosaurus

Closer to the cemetery the elevated peaks of

the Three Sisters arenrsquot the gentle fairy tale

their name suggests but the result of plates

shifting deep in the earth One plate shiftedunder another and this process called subduc-

tion led to the formation of the trio This is

where the plates layers of cr ust crashed into

each other in a fiery show perhaps tens of thou-

sands of years ago Subduction zones are places

where great trauma lies

And here I was all these years later in the

shadows of these mountains loss everywhere

Later that day back at our apartment we

walked into a life that the three of us didnrsquot fit

into anymore For more than a year we went

through the motions We worked we tookfamily vacations to the coast and to Southern

Oregon and we tried to dodge the grief that

followed us Then one day our four-year-old

daughter started a conversation that shook me

ldquoMom we used to be so happy huhrdquo

I nodded

ldquoAnd then Dylan died and now wersquore all so

sadrdquo

Six words leapt at me

ldquoWhen will we be happy againrdquo

We moved back to Ash land where brig ht

red flags lined Main Street and the lush foot-

hills around us offered a sense of peace I didnrsquot

know it then but we were charting our own

map however imperfect Healing crept up on

us not all at once but in tiny flashes of kind-

ness Two more daughters were born a nd grew

Above us the moon kept rising and lighti ng

up the darkness Seventeen years passed

And I lea rne d that the sorrow that most

folks want to flee helps you see things more

clearly and feel things more deeply Perhaps in

its wake it will leave a baffling r ichness as themap leads you along

VA N ES SA HOU K Ashland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4248

Oregon Humanities42POSTS

continued from previous page

Just to

underscore

how settled we

planned to be

we unpacked

EverythingEven the

heirloom china

which had never

before left its

boxes We were

here to stay

Dance Church

SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I

go to church Dance church A church

where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers

to recite A church where at first glance outsid-

ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon

arriving I see a few little munchkins running

around with oversize neon headphones on to

protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music

set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with

rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors

There are flowers candles pillow puddles

beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some

kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in

alignment with the morningrsquos intention

As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s

become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-

tainer in which I can move once again after

years of chronic freezing and dissociating A

trapped animal released back into the wild

wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom

in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism

evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with

anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our

spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist

The music awakens the holy spirit within

me and dances me through throngs of people

I am an antelope cut loose checking out the

creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns

bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms

Each stunning in their authentic movement I

see people falling in love with each other from

a distance I see a girl rocking four different

Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed

like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands

ldquopracticing dancingrdquo

This is the church of Miriam the biblical

tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of

years later I move here and I am reunited with

my self my best self my most curious mischie-

vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self

Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten

invited back in the room to whip her hair back

and forth I throw my head back in delight and

laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like

hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form

of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music

EMILY I BEDAL Portland

Again

M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R

upwardly mobile engineer That trans-

lated into at least one move per year until I was

eight and another address for high school I

moved every year in college one year twice I

moved three times during my first stint in Bos-

ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-

ment for the whole two years Then it was back

to Boston where I lived in five different homes

in five years

Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for

the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe

two years back East then back to New Mexico

in two different cities three different homes

Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates

what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo

From Albuquerque we moved to our present

home in Port Orford my thirt ieth

Moving has always been exciting cathar-

tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books

by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally

donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-

ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated

magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets

ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit

thatrsquos never happened In each new house

wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos

never worked

We vowed Port Orford would be our final

ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore

how settled we planned to be we unpacked

Everything Even the heirloom china which

had never before left its boxes We were here

to stay

Except it seems wersquore going to have to move

again but not for the exciting futures wersquod

always envisioned before Now we need doctors

and hospitals and a nearby airport for family

visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is

on the other side of adventure Now we need a

place to feel safe secure

So the sorting and throwing out is about to

begin yet again There are closets and drawers

that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to

dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of

booksmdashto give away This move exciting No

way The very thought of it exhausts me

Still those other feelings cathartic freeing

new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4348

43 FallWinter 2015 Move

Next theme Root

For the Spring 2016 issue tell

us your stories about rooting

around taking root being

uprooted or root-bound getting

to the root of a problem being

the root of the problem rooting

someone on Share stories and

ideas about beginnings origins

and foundations Analyze a

historical or contemporary

grassroots effort Describe

the tension between staying

put and being stuck Send your

submission (400 words maxi-

mum) by February 15 2016 to

postsoregonhumanitiesorg

Submissions may be edited for

space or clarity

Listen to Your Body

I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y

motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease

Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit

and spot-on timing Though she was confined

to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was

still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her

sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-

cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone

have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but

aching joints diminished strength and a fal-

tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back

Those maladies werenrsquot the result of

chronic disease More like lack of exercise At

some point in the past decade or so I developed

an aversion to any fitness routine That choice

has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo

class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community

Center

Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the

center for the past thirty-six years teaches

the dance-infused workout three days a week

Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at

the core of each class She dispenses praise as

we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform

deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements

and she encourages each of us to breathe and

listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably

youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying

ballet seriously By then her versatility as an

actress singer dancer and comedian had been

evident in community theater productions in

the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although

not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few

years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe

continues to lead a full life She can still stand

and press her palms flat to the floor despite

relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip

notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg

and stretch at the barre

A role model for agi ng wit h presence and

dignity Lynn maintains her considerable

charm and elegance and purposely keeps her

body and mind active Like my mother she

is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has

inspired me to accept what my body can do

today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow

Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for

getting up in the morning And by some mea-

sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE

Portland

Over the Hill

I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D

eleven times in three years I worked spring

through fall as a natural history guide in

Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure

where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned

into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply

moved around A lot With each new tempo-

rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked

clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was

nothing

At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the

person who would become my life partner

another seasonal worker We would move from

Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We

lived one magical off-season on a houseboat

on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the

ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught

me I loved wide-open spaces What could be

wider than the Pacific A fter one more season

of guiding I came back to the coast and decided

to stay

I volunteered my way into one steady job

and eventually landed another at the local

college After a few more seasons my partner

came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota

and we bought another together He built a

business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our

hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and

had a child Wersquod officially settled down

The economic hardships of rural living

however are real job opportunities decline

and can no longer support the life wersquove built

The accumulation of years no longer fits into

the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner

took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast

and we lived as a split family The split was tax-

ing though so we decided to make the move

to the city We left the first community of our

adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven

ourselves The only community our daughter

has even known Friends asked me not to go

Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart

still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the

sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes

at the memory of that moon over Tillamook

Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot

nothingmdashitrsquos every thing

NANCY SLAVIN Portland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4448

Oregon Humanities44

Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm

LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015

This intertwined story of two

teenage girls and their mothers

is set in New Orleans during

and after Hurricane Katrina

In her debut novel Urbani an

Oregon writer with Southern

roots brings a maternal touch

to the narrative handling trag-

edy with a careful soulfulness

and love This honest yet brutal

story will simultaneously break

and warm your heart

mdashAnnie Kaffen

At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015

Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French

Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the

Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural

French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-

tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans

and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a

snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland

Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015

Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the

Oregon physician and radicalrsquos

extraordinary experiences

from her early years working in

a textile mill in New Bedford

Massachusetts through her

activist years in Oregon includ-

ing a three-year term at San

Quentin State Prison Equi lived

openly as a lesbian beginning in

the 1890s and was one of the

first practicing female doctors

in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and

compassion for others with a

strong personal belief in social

and economic justice

mdashCarole Shel lhart

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4548

45 FallWinter 2015 Move

People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015

This debut collection from

Portland writer Margaret

Malone is filled with brief

bitterly funny stories about the

sort of people who tie them-

selves in knots in their heads

and feel uncomfortable in their

own skin and can never quite

bring themselves to say the

words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point

includes all of us

mdashBen Waterhouse

The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015

Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer

The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with

Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research

for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the

first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of

revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced

a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer

in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he

writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo

mdashMaggie Starr

To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for

Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon

Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205

Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe

Sasquatch Books 2015

Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter

Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt

to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography

in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers

a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden

rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance

sounds smells and much more

mdashBen Waterhouse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4648

Oregon Humanities46

Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson

February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum

1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg

CROPPINGS

Wendy Red Star Untitled

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4748

Oregon Humanities programs are

funded by the National Endowment

for the Humanities and the Oregon

Cultural Trust and by contributions from

individuals foundations community

organizations and corporations For

more information about Oregon

Humanities or to learn how you can help

more Oregonians get together share

ideas listen think and grow please

contact us at

921 SW Washington Street Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax

(503) 241-0024

ohmoregonhumanitiesorg

oregonhumanitiesorg

Staff

e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r

Adam Davis

facilitation and tra ining manager

Rachel Bernstein

communicationsprogram associate

Eloise Holland

editorassociate director

Kathleen Holt

development director

Kamla Hurst

program officer

Annie Kaffen

office manager

Mikaela Schey

director of finance and oper ations

Carole Shellhart

development associate

Maggie Starr

communications associate

Ben Waterhouse

program coordinator

Kyle Weismann-Yee

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4848

Board of Directorsch a i r

Sona Karentz Andrews Portland

v ic e ch a i r

Janet Webster Newport

tr e a s u r e r

Jeff Cronn Portland

secretary

Matthew Boulay Salem

Paul Duden Portland

Kimberly Howard Portland

Nels Johnson Portland

Emily Karr Portland

Shannon Mara Bend

Win McCormack Portland

Alberto Moreno Portland

Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego

Ron Paul Portland

Denise Reed Astoria

Chantal Strobel Bend

Dave Weich Portland

Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED

Non-profit Org

US Postage

PAID

Permit No 1274

Portland OR

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4248

Oregon Humanities42POSTS

continued from previous page

Just to

underscore

how settled we

planned to be

we unpacked

EverythingEven the

heirloom china

which had never

before left its

boxes We were

here to stay

Dance Church

SUN D A Y M O R N I N G S I N P O R T L A N D I

go to church Dance church A church

where there arenrsquot any hymnals pews prayers

to recite A church where at first glance outsid-

ers would believe we are all looney tunes Upon

arriving I see a few little munchkins running

around with oversize neon headphones on to

protect their little ears from the DJrsquoed music

set that will soon fill t wo hundred people with

rhythmic bliss No choreography no mirrors

There are flowers candles pillow puddles

beautiful fabrics Stretching rolling some

kind of contact improvmdashmen in tights kiltscapes I spot a ribbon dancer and a huge altar in

alignment with the morningrsquos intention

As a surv ivor of traum a this space ha s

become my sanctuary My lifeline My con-

tainer in which I can move once again after

years of chronic freezing and dissociating A

trapped animal released back into the wild

wit h new wings Here I experience fre edom

in my body delight anger ecstasymdashbaptism

evenmdashwithout exchanging a single word with

anyone We the self-anointed dancers put our

spirits into motion and receive one anotherOur very own liv ing holy Eucharist

The music awakens the holy spirit within

me and dances me through throngs of people

I am an antelope cut loose checking out the

creatures of Noahrsquos Ark Loving it Patterns

bodies in motion all shapes colors rhythms

Each stunning in their authentic movement I

see people falling in love with each other from

a distance I see a girl rocking four different

Hula-Hoops at once I see little girls dressed

like Thumbelina holding their mothersrsquo hands

ldquopracticing dancingrdquo

This is the church of Miriam the biblical

tambourine rocker alive and well thousands of

years later I move here and I am reunited with

my self my best self my most curious mischie-

vous sa ssy vu lnerable receptive badass self

Sanctified My inner child the child forgotten

invited back in the room to whip her hair back

and forth I throw my head back in delight and

laugh until I start to cry Does it sound like

hysteria Maybe it is but it is the truest form

of worship I know And luckily there are twohundred more like me who hear the music

EMILY I BEDAL Portland

Again

M Y D A D W A S A P O S T - W A R

upwardly mobile engineer That trans-

lated into at least one move per year until I was

eight and another address for high school I

moved every year in college one year twice I

moved three times during my first stint in Bos-

ton in Florida I managed to stay in one apart-

ment for the whole two years Then it was back

to Boston where I lived in five different homes

in five years

Wersquove now hopscotched around the West for

the last thirty-plus years California Santa Fe

two years back East then back to New Mexico

in two different cities three different homes

Our page in the fa mily address book illustrates

what could be diagnosed as a terminal case ofldquoit must be more exciting just over the hillrdquo

From Albuquerque we moved to our present

home in Port Orford my thirt ieth

Moving has always been exciting cathar-

tic freeing Each time wersquove given away books

by the boxful emptied junk drawers finally

donated no-longer-worn clothes dumped bro-

ken dishware Wersquove thrown out accumulated

magazines and emptied bursting file cabinets

ditching papers wersquod held onto for the IRS audit

thatrsquos never happened In each new house

wersquove vowed not to get bogged down again withstuff not to fill every drawer and closet Itrsquos

never worked

We vowed Port Orford would be our final

ldquoclean slaterdquo Our last home Just to underscore

how settled we planned to be we unpacked

Everything Even the heirloom china which

had never before left its boxes We were here

to stay

Except it seems wersquore going to have to move

again but not for the exciting futures wersquod

always envisioned before Now we need doctors

and hospitals and a nearby airport for family

visits and emergencies Our narrat ive arc is

on the other side of adventure Now we need a

place to feel safe secure

So the sorting and throwing out is about to

begin yet again There are closets and drawers

that need to be emptied dried-up paint cans to

dispose of and of course booksmdashboatloads of

booksmdashto give away This move exciting No

way The very thought of it exhausts me

Still those other feelings cathartic freeing

new Just maybe A N N EUSTON Port Orford

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4348

43 FallWinter 2015 Move

Next theme Root

For the Spring 2016 issue tell

us your stories about rooting

around taking root being

uprooted or root-bound getting

to the root of a problem being

the root of the problem rooting

someone on Share stories and

ideas about beginnings origins

and foundations Analyze a

historical or contemporary

grassroots effort Describe

the tension between staying

put and being stuck Send your

submission (400 words maxi-

mum) by February 15 2016 to

postsoregonhumanitiesorg

Submissions may be edited for

space or clarity

Listen to Your Body

I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y

motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease

Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit

and spot-on timing Though she was confined

to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was

still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her

sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-

cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone

have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but

aching joints diminished strength and a fal-

tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back

Those maladies werenrsquot the result of

chronic disease More like lack of exercise At

some point in the past decade or so I developed

an aversion to any fitness routine That choice

has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo

class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community

Center

Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the

center for the past thirty-six years teaches

the dance-infused workout three days a week

Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at

the core of each class She dispenses praise as

we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform

deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements

and she encourages each of us to breathe and

listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably

youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying

ballet seriously By then her versatility as an

actress singer dancer and comedian had been

evident in community theater productions in

the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although

not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few

years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe

continues to lead a full life She can still stand

and press her palms flat to the floor despite

relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip

notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg

and stretch at the barre

A role model for agi ng wit h presence and

dignity Lynn maintains her considerable

charm and elegance and purposely keeps her

body and mind active Like my mother she

is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has

inspired me to accept what my body can do

today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow

Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for

getting up in the morning And by some mea-

sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE

Portland

Over the Hill

I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D

eleven times in three years I worked spring

through fall as a natural history guide in

Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure

where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned

into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply

moved around A lot With each new tempo-

rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked

clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was

nothing

At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the

person who would become my life partner

another seasonal worker We would move from

Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We

lived one magical off-season on a houseboat

on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the

ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught

me I loved wide-open spaces What could be

wider than the Pacific A fter one more season

of guiding I came back to the coast and decided

to stay

I volunteered my way into one steady job

and eventually landed another at the local

college After a few more seasons my partner

came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota

and we bought another together He built a

business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our

hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and

had a child Wersquod officially settled down

The economic hardships of rural living

however are real job opportunities decline

and can no longer support the life wersquove built

The accumulation of years no longer fits into

the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner

took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast

and we lived as a split family The split was tax-

ing though so we decided to make the move

to the city We left the first community of our

adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven

ourselves The only community our daughter

has even known Friends asked me not to go

Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart

still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the

sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes

at the memory of that moon over Tillamook

Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot

nothingmdashitrsquos every thing

NANCY SLAVIN Portland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4448

Oregon Humanities44

Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm

LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015

This intertwined story of two

teenage girls and their mothers

is set in New Orleans during

and after Hurricane Katrina

In her debut novel Urbani an

Oregon writer with Southern

roots brings a maternal touch

to the narrative handling trag-

edy with a careful soulfulness

and love This honest yet brutal

story will simultaneously break

and warm your heart

mdashAnnie Kaffen

At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015

Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French

Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the

Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural

French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-

tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans

and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a

snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland

Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015

Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the

Oregon physician and radicalrsquos

extraordinary experiences

from her early years working in

a textile mill in New Bedford

Massachusetts through her

activist years in Oregon includ-

ing a three-year term at San

Quentin State Prison Equi lived

openly as a lesbian beginning in

the 1890s and was one of the

first practicing female doctors

in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and

compassion for others with a

strong personal belief in social

and economic justice

mdashCarole Shel lhart

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4548

45 FallWinter 2015 Move

People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015

This debut collection from

Portland writer Margaret

Malone is filled with brief

bitterly funny stories about the

sort of people who tie them-

selves in knots in their heads

and feel uncomfortable in their

own skin and can never quite

bring themselves to say the

words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point

includes all of us

mdashBen Waterhouse

The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015

Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer

The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with

Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research

for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the

first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of

revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced

a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer

in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he

writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo

mdashMaggie Starr

To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for

Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon

Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205

Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe

Sasquatch Books 2015

Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter

Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt

to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography

in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers

a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden

rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance

sounds smells and much more

mdashBen Waterhouse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4648

Oregon Humanities46

Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson

February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum

1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg

CROPPINGS

Wendy Red Star Untitled

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4748

Oregon Humanities programs are

funded by the National Endowment

for the Humanities and the Oregon

Cultural Trust and by contributions from

individuals foundations community

organizations and corporations For

more information about Oregon

Humanities or to learn how you can help

more Oregonians get together share

ideas listen think and grow please

contact us at

921 SW Washington Street Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax

(503) 241-0024

ohmoregonhumanitiesorg

oregonhumanitiesorg

Staff

e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r

Adam Davis

facilitation and tra ining manager

Rachel Bernstein

communicationsprogram associate

Eloise Holland

editorassociate director

Kathleen Holt

development director

Kamla Hurst

program officer

Annie Kaffen

office manager

Mikaela Schey

director of finance and oper ations

Carole Shellhart

development associate

Maggie Starr

communications associate

Ben Waterhouse

program coordinator

Kyle Weismann-Yee

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4848

Board of Directorsch a i r

Sona Karentz Andrews Portland

v ic e ch a i r

Janet Webster Newport

tr e a s u r e r

Jeff Cronn Portland

secretary

Matthew Boulay Salem

Paul Duden Portland

Kimberly Howard Portland

Nels Johnson Portland

Emily Karr Portland

Shannon Mara Bend

Win McCormack Portland

Alberto Moreno Portland

Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego

Ron Paul Portland

Denise Reed Astoria

Chantal Strobel Bend

Dave Weich Portland

Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED

Non-profit Org

US Postage

PAID

Permit No 1274

Portland OR

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4348

43 FallWinter 2015 Move

Next theme Root

For the Spring 2016 issue tell

us your stories about rooting

around taking root being

uprooted or root-bound getting

to the root of a problem being

the root of the problem rooting

someone on Share stories and

ideas about beginnings origins

and foundations Analyze a

historical or contemporary

grassroots effort Describe

the tension between staying

put and being stuck Send your

submission (400 words maxi-

mum) by February 15 2016 to

postsoregonhumanitiesorg

Submissions may be edited for

space or clarity

Listen to Your Body

I R E C E N T L Y T U R N E D S I X T Y-T W O M Y

motherrsquos age when she died of heart disease

Mom was a hoot a pistol with an acerbic wit

and spot-on timing Though she was confined

to a hospital bed the last time I saw her she was

still funny a s hell I inherited a modicum of her

sense of humor along with similar cardiovas-

cular issues I donrsquot smoke cigarettes let alone

have my motherrsquos two-packs-a-day habit but

aching joints diminished strength and a fal-

tering stamina inhabited my body awhile back

Those maladies werenrsquot the result of

chronic disease More like lack of exercise At

some point in the past decade or so I developed

an aversion to any fitness routine That choice

has taken a toll on my body So last January Ibegan attending the ldquoStretch and Movementrdquo

class at Portlandrsquos Northeast Community

Center

Lynn Boatsman an instructor with the

center for the past thirty-six years teaches

the dance-infused workout three days a week

Ballet its grace a nd adherence to balance is at

the core of each class She dispenses praise as

we pract ice basic foot posit ions and perform

deacutegageacutes plieacutes retireacutes and other movements

and she encourages each of us to breathe and

listen to our bodiesLynn is ninety-one but was considerably

youngermdashfifty-fivemdashwhen she began studying

ballet seriously By then her versatility as an

actress singer dancer and comedian had been

evident in community theater productions in

the Bay Area Bend and Portland Although

not invinciblemdashher right hip wa s replaced a few

years ago and one k nee now causes her fitsmdashshe

continues to lead a full life She can still stand

and press her palms flat to the floor despite

relying on a walking stick Artificial right hip

notwithstanding she manages to lift each leg

and stretch at the barre

A role model for agi ng wit h presence and

dignity Lynn maintains her considerable

charm and elegance and purposely keeps her

body and mind active Like my mother she

is also a hoot and a pistol Her tenacity has

inspired me to accept what my body can do

today and to a sk a little bit more of it tomorrow

Lynn tells us that our class is her reason for

getting up in the morning And by some mea-

sure itrsquos become mine as wellLAVONNE GRIFFIN-VALADE

Portland

Over the Hill

I N M Y M I D - T W E N T I E S I M O V E D

eleven times in three years I worked spring

through fall as a natural history guide in

Alaska but the rest of each yea r I wasnrsquot sure

where I lived I could fit ever yt hing I owned

into the back of my Toyota pickup so I simply

moved around A lot With each new tempo-

rary house or tent or cabin I barely unpacked

clothes out of my duffel bag Moving was

nothing

At the ta il end of tho se yea rs I met the

person who would become my life partner

another seasonal worker We would move from

Alaska to the lower forty-eight every fall We

lived one magical off-season on a houseboat

on the Oregon coast where the moon paintedyellow streaks over Tillamook Bay and the

ocean hushed us to sleep Alaska had taught

me I loved wide-open spaces What could be

wider than the Pacific A fter one more season

of guiding I came back to the coast and decided

to stay

I volunteered my way into one steady job

and eventually landed another at the local

college After a few more seasons my partner

came to stay too I sold the trusty old Toyota

and we bought another together He built a

business I worked my two jobs and we bothmade friends and worked on causes near to our

hearts Then we marr ied bought a house and

had a child Wersquod officially settled down

The economic hardships of rural living

however are real job opportunities decline

and can no longer support the life wersquove built

The accumulation of years no longer fits into

the bed of a pickup truck Last year my partner

took a job ldquoover the hillrdquo as we say at the coast

and we lived as a split family The split was tax-

ing though so we decided to make the move

to the city We left the first community of our

adult lives the first into which wersquod interwoven

ourselves The only community our daughter

has even known Friends asked me not to go

Coworkers wrote me a goodbye poem My heart

still aches for the smell of the ocean I miss the

sounds of waves and crickets Tears fill my eyes

at the memory of that moon over Tillamook

Bay Twenty-plus years later moving isnrsquot

nothingmdashitrsquos every thing

NANCY SLAVIN Portland

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4448

Oregon Humanities44

Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm

LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015

This intertwined story of two

teenage girls and their mothers

is set in New Orleans during

and after Hurricane Katrina

In her debut novel Urbani an

Oregon writer with Southern

roots brings a maternal touch

to the narrative handling trag-

edy with a careful soulfulness

and love This honest yet brutal

story will simultaneously break

and warm your heart

mdashAnnie Kaffen

At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015

Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French

Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the

Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural

French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-

tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans

and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a

snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland

Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015

Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the

Oregon physician and radicalrsquos

extraordinary experiences

from her early years working in

a textile mill in New Bedford

Massachusetts through her

activist years in Oregon includ-

ing a three-year term at San

Quentin State Prison Equi lived

openly as a lesbian beginning in

the 1890s and was one of the

first practicing female doctors

in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and

compassion for others with a

strong personal belief in social

and economic justice

mdashCarole Shel lhart

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4548

45 FallWinter 2015 Move

People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015

This debut collection from

Portland writer Margaret

Malone is filled with brief

bitterly funny stories about the

sort of people who tie them-

selves in knots in their heads

and feel uncomfortable in their

own skin and can never quite

bring themselves to say the

words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point

includes all of us

mdashBen Waterhouse

The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015

Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer

The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with

Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research

for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the

first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of

revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced

a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer

in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he

writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo

mdashMaggie Starr

To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for

Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon

Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205

Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe

Sasquatch Books 2015

Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter

Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt

to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography

in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers

a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden

rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance

sounds smells and much more

mdashBen Waterhouse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4648

Oregon Humanities46

Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson

February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum

1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg

CROPPINGS

Wendy Red Star Untitled

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4748

Oregon Humanities programs are

funded by the National Endowment

for the Humanities and the Oregon

Cultural Trust and by contributions from

individuals foundations community

organizations and corporations For

more information about Oregon

Humanities or to learn how you can help

more Oregonians get together share

ideas listen think and grow please

contact us at

921 SW Washington Street Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax

(503) 241-0024

ohmoregonhumanitiesorg

oregonhumanitiesorg

Staff

e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r

Adam Davis

facilitation and tra ining manager

Rachel Bernstein

communicationsprogram associate

Eloise Holland

editorassociate director

Kathleen Holt

development director

Kamla Hurst

program officer

Annie Kaffen

office manager

Mikaela Schey

director of finance and oper ations

Carole Shellhart

development associate

Maggie Starr

communications associate

Ben Waterhouse

program coordinator

Kyle Weismann-Yee

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4848

Board of Directorsch a i r

Sona Karentz Andrews Portland

v ic e ch a i r

Janet Webster Newport

tr e a s u r e r

Jeff Cronn Portland

secretary

Matthew Boulay Salem

Paul Duden Portland

Kimberly Howard Portland

Nels Johnson Portland

Emily Karr Portland

Shannon Mara Bend

Win McCormack Portland

Alberto Moreno Portland

Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego

Ron Paul Portland

Denise Reed Astoria

Chantal Strobel Bend

Dave Weich Portland

Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED

Non-profit Org

US Postage

PAID

Permit No 1274

Portland OR

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4448

Oregon Humanities44

Read Talk Thinkthings that ma ke you say o hm

LandfallEllen UrbaniForest Avenue Press 2015

This intertwined story of two

teenage girls and their mothers

is set in New Orleans during

and after Hurricane Katrina

In her debut novel Urbani an

Oregon writer with Southern

roots brings a maternal touch

to the narrative handling trag-

edy with a careful soulfulness

and love This honest yet brutal

story will simultaneously break

and warm your heart

mdashAnnie Kaffen

At the Hearth of the Crossed RacesMelinda Marie JetteacuteOregon State University Press 2015

Melinda Marie Jetteacute takes a microscope to Oregonrsquos French

Prairie in this historical study Originally the home of the

Ahantchuyuk Kalapuyans the area was resettled by bicultural

French Canadian and Indian families in the mid-nineteenth cen-

tury By examining the time of first contact between Kalapuyans

and Euro-Americans to the time of statehood Jetteacute provides a

snapshot of the advent of colonization in our statemdashEloise Holland

Marie Equi RadicalPolitics and OutlawPassionsMichael HelquistOregon State University Press 2015

Michael Helquistrsquos new biogra-phy of Marie Equi explores the

Oregon physician and radicalrsquos

extraordinary experiences

from her early years working in

a textile mill in New Bedford

Massachusetts through her

activist years in Oregon includ-

ing a three-year term at San

Quentin State Prison Equi lived

openly as a lesbian beginning in

the 1890s and was one of the

first practicing female doctors

in the Pacific Northwest Shefaced her life with courage and

compassion for others with a

strong personal belief in social

and economic justice

mdashCarole Shel lhart

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4548

45 FallWinter 2015 Move

People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015

This debut collection from

Portland writer Margaret

Malone is filled with brief

bitterly funny stories about the

sort of people who tie them-

selves in knots in their heads

and feel uncomfortable in their

own skin and can never quite

bring themselves to say the

words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point

includes all of us

mdashBen Waterhouse

The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015

Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer

The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with

Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research

for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the

first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of

revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced

a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer

in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he

writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo

mdashMaggie Starr

To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for

Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon

Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205

Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe

Sasquatch Books 2015

Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter

Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt

to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography

in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers

a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden

rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance

sounds smells and much more

mdashBen Waterhouse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4648

Oregon Humanities46

Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson

February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum

1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg

CROPPINGS

Wendy Red Star Untitled

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4748

Oregon Humanities programs are

funded by the National Endowment

for the Humanities and the Oregon

Cultural Trust and by contributions from

individuals foundations community

organizations and corporations For

more information about Oregon

Humanities or to learn how you can help

more Oregonians get together share

ideas listen think and grow please

contact us at

921 SW Washington Street Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax

(503) 241-0024

ohmoregonhumanitiesorg

oregonhumanitiesorg

Staff

e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r

Adam Davis

facilitation and tra ining manager

Rachel Bernstein

communicationsprogram associate

Eloise Holland

editorassociate director

Kathleen Holt

development director

Kamla Hurst

program officer

Annie Kaffen

office manager

Mikaela Schey

director of finance and oper ations

Carole Shellhart

development associate

Maggie Starr

communications associate

Ben Waterhouse

program coordinator

Kyle Weismann-Yee

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4848

Board of Directorsch a i r

Sona Karentz Andrews Portland

v ic e ch a i r

Janet Webster Newport

tr e a s u r e r

Jeff Cronn Portland

secretary

Matthew Boulay Salem

Paul Duden Portland

Kimberly Howard Portland

Nels Johnson Portland

Emily Karr Portland

Shannon Mara Bend

Win McCormack Portland

Alberto Moreno Portland

Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego

Ron Paul Portland

Denise Reed Astoria

Chantal Strobel Bend

Dave Weich Portland

Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED

Non-profit Org

US Postage

PAID

Permit No 1274

Portland OR

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4548

45 FallWinter 2015 Move

People Like YouMargaret MaloneAtelier26 Books 2015

This debut collection from

Portland writer Margaret

Malone is filled with brief

bitterly funny stories about the

sort of people who tie them-

selves in knots in their heads

and feel uncomfortable in their

own skin and can never quite

bring themselves to say the

words they desperately needto saymdashwhich at some point

includes all of us

mdashBen Waterhouse

The Last Love SongTracy DaughertySt Martinrsquos Press 2015

Joan Didion presents a particular puzzle for the literary biographer

The great journalist is still living but chose not to cooperate with

Oregon State University professor Tracy Daugherty in his research

for The Last Love Song A great deal of her writing has been in the

first person but usually as a narrative approach rather than a way of

revealing much about herself Daugherty has nonetheless produced

a comprehensive and readable biography of this fascinating writer

in the cultural context in which she has lived and worked As he

writes ldquoHer life illuminates her era and vice versardquo

mdashMaggie Starr

To have a new book by an Oregon writer considered for

Read Talk Think please send review copies to Oregon

Humanities magazine 921 SW Washington St Suite150 Portland OR 97205

Portlandness A Cultural AtlasDavid Banis and Hunter Shobe

Sasquatch Books 2015

Portland State University geographers David Banis and Hunter

Shobe aided by more than forty artists and researchers attempt

to illuminate the essential nature of Portland through car tography

in this entertaining and visually delightful book Each spread offers

a different perspective on the city with maps illustrating hidden

rivers restaurant density redlining and gentrification surveillance

sounds smells and much more

mdashBen Waterhouse

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4648

Oregon Humanities46

Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson

February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum

1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg

CROPPINGS

Wendy Red Star Untitled

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4748

Oregon Humanities programs are

funded by the National Endowment

for the Humanities and the Oregon

Cultural Trust and by contributions from

individuals foundations community

organizations and corporations For

more information about Oregon

Humanities or to learn how you can help

more Oregonians get together share

ideas listen think and grow please

contact us at

921 SW Washington Street Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax

(503) 241-0024

ohmoregonhumanitiesorg

oregonhumanitiesorg

Staff

e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r

Adam Davis

facilitation and tra ining manager

Rachel Bernstein

communicationsprogram associate

Eloise Holland

editorassociate director

Kathleen Holt

development director

Kamla Hurst

program officer

Annie Kaffen

office manager

Mikaela Schey

director of finance and oper ations

Carole Shellhart

development associate

Maggie Starr

communications associate

Ben Waterhouse

program coordinator

Kyle Weismann-Yee

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4848

Board of Directorsch a i r

Sona Karentz Andrews Portland

v ic e ch a i r

Janet Webster Newport

tr e a s u r e r

Jeff Cronn Portland

secretary

Matthew Boulay Salem

Paul Duden Portland

Kimberly Howard Portland

Nels Johnson Portland

Emily Karr Portland

Shannon Mara Bend

Win McCormack Portland

Alberto Moreno Portland

Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego

Ron Paul Portland

Denise Reed Astoria

Chantal Strobel Bend

Dave Weich Portland

Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED

Non-profit Org

US Postage

PAID

Permit No 1274

Portland OR

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4648

Oregon Humanities46

Contemporary Native Photographers andthe Edward Curtis Legacy Zig JacksonWendy Red Star Will Wilson

February 6 to May 8 2016Portland Art Museum

1219 SW Park AvenuePortland Oregon 97205(503) 226-2811portlandartmuseumorg

CROPPINGS

Wendy Red Star Untitled

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4748

Oregon Humanities programs are

funded by the National Endowment

for the Humanities and the Oregon

Cultural Trust and by contributions from

individuals foundations community

organizations and corporations For

more information about Oregon

Humanities or to learn how you can help

more Oregonians get together share

ideas listen think and grow please

contact us at

921 SW Washington Street Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax

(503) 241-0024

ohmoregonhumanitiesorg

oregonhumanitiesorg

Staff

e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r

Adam Davis

facilitation and tra ining manager

Rachel Bernstein

communicationsprogram associate

Eloise Holland

editorassociate director

Kathleen Holt

development director

Kamla Hurst

program officer

Annie Kaffen

office manager

Mikaela Schey

director of finance and oper ations

Carole Shellhart

development associate

Maggie Starr

communications associate

Ben Waterhouse

program coordinator

Kyle Weismann-Yee

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4848

Board of Directorsch a i r

Sona Karentz Andrews Portland

v ic e ch a i r

Janet Webster Newport

tr e a s u r e r

Jeff Cronn Portland

secretary

Matthew Boulay Salem

Paul Duden Portland

Kimberly Howard Portland

Nels Johnson Portland

Emily Karr Portland

Shannon Mara Bend

Win McCormack Portland

Alberto Moreno Portland

Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego

Ron Paul Portland

Denise Reed Astoria

Chantal Strobel Bend

Dave Weich Portland

Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED

Non-profit Org

US Postage

PAID

Permit No 1274

Portland OR

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4748

Oregon Humanities programs are

funded by the National Endowment

for the Humanities and the Oregon

Cultural Trust and by contributions from

individuals foundations community

organizations and corporations For

more information about Oregon

Humanities or to learn how you can help

more Oregonians get together share

ideas listen think and grow please

contact us at

921 SW Washington Street Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

(503) 241-0543 or (800) 735-0543 fax

(503) 241-0024

ohmoregonhumanitiesorg

oregonhumanitiesorg

Staff

e x e cu ti ve d i r e cto r

Adam Davis

facilitation and tra ining manager

Rachel Bernstein

communicationsprogram associate

Eloise Holland

editorassociate director

Kathleen Holt

development director

Kamla Hurst

program officer

Annie Kaffen

office manager

Mikaela Schey

director of finance and oper ations

Carole Shellhart

development associate

Maggie Starr

communications associate

Ben Waterhouse

program coordinator

Kyle Weismann-Yee

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4848

Board of Directorsch a i r

Sona Karentz Andrews Portland

v ic e ch a i r

Janet Webster Newport

tr e a s u r e r

Jeff Cronn Portland

secretary

Matthew Boulay Salem

Paul Duden Portland

Kimberly Howard Portland

Nels Johnson Portland

Emily Karr Portland

Shannon Mara Bend

Win McCormack Portland

Alberto Moreno Portland

Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego

Ron Paul Portland

Denise Reed Astoria

Chantal Strobel Bend

Dave Weich Portland

Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED

Non-profit Org

US Postage

PAID

Permit No 1274

Portland OR

7232019 Oregon Humanities FallWinter 2015 Move

httpslidepdfcomreaderfulloregon-humanities-fallwinter-2015-move 4848

Board of Directorsch a i r

Sona Karentz Andrews Portland

v ic e ch a i r

Janet Webster Newport

tr e a s u r e r

Jeff Cronn Portland

secretary

Matthew Boulay Salem

Paul Duden Portland

Kimberly Howard Portland

Nels Johnson Portland

Emily Karr Portland

Shannon Mara Bend

Win McCormack Portland

Alberto Moreno Portland

Pamela Morgan Lake Oswego

Ron Paul Portland

Denise Reed Astoria

Chantal Strobel Bend

Dave Weich Portland

Oregon Humanities

921 SW Washington St Suite 150

Portland OR 97205

CHANGE SERVICE REQUESTED

Non-profit Org

US Postage

PAID

Permit No 1274

Portland OR