Enhanced Management

Training Program23 November, 2016

On Writing WellPart Two

Tom Wicker, New York Times

Why this worked• Got to the point quickly;• Information structured logically;

• most important items first;• background later.

Tom Wicker imagined what the audience

wanted to know

Why this worked• Brought in people;• Brought in empathy;• re-written.

“The first draft of everything is shit”.

Ernest Hemingway

To Review—

It’s time to radically re-imagine how we

write.

A special emphasis on audience needs.

A special emphasis on brevity and clarity.

A special emphasis on logical structure.

I can’t solve all your problems.

Important tools• Positioning statement;• Flesch-Kincaid readability score;• Vernacular eloquence review.

Our Problems

Our sentences are too long.

We structure our information poorly.

We fail to imagine what our audience needs.

Implications

We’re not engaging our readers.

No one wants to read what we write.

No one needs to read what we write.

We don’t have a point of view.

We don’t present a range of options.

We don’t explain the implications of various

options.

People don’t need to grapple with our point

of view.

We’re not communicating

effectively.

We’re not doing our job.

Why do we write too much?

We don’t know what people want…

so we give them everything.

We’re trying to protect ourselves.

We think no one is reading what we write.

We don’t talk about the value of clarity and

power.

No narrative…no voice…no story…no point…no interest.

Exercise One.

Discuss and report• What’s important in the document ?• What’s not ?• What are they really trying to say ?• How would you fix it ?

Report back

Lessons learned:• If you say everything, you say nothing;• Keep sentences short;• Structure is important.

Data dumps…

..are hard to structure.

No narrative…no voice…no story…no point…no interest.

Readers have to hunt for useful info.

Long, ponderous sentences

harm clarity.

When structuring a document,

apply critical thinking.

Ask three important questions:

1) What problem are we trying to solve ?

2) What does “good”look like ?

3) How will we know when we get there ?

Tools

Measuring text

readability-score.com

Govt. of Sask. briefing note.

Average Score = 30-36

Good score

Bad score

Aim for:• A score of 50 or better;• 10 - 15 words per sentence;• Grade level between 6 - 8.

Grade Six readability is hard to achieve, but it’s not “dumbing

down”.

B. ObamaM. Obama

H. ClintonD. Trump

0

22.5

45

67.5

90

Readability ScoresMajor Convention Speeches

July, 2016

B. ObamaM. Obama

H. ClintonD. Trump

0

2.25

4.5

6.75

9

Grade LevelMajor Convention Speeches

July, 2016

Text Analysis of recent govt. writing.

cominglementsunitization

re-locatables

Fall 2014

12 -15 words per sentence

Reading Ease score:

50 or better.

Readability grade level

6 to 8

Parting thoughts

In your documents/presentations….• convey a big idea;• covey what’s at stake;• Convince me I should care.

Exhibit a clarity of intent

• What problem am I trying to solve;• What does ‘good’ look like;• How will I know when I get there ?

Rejected opportunity cost

• What happens if I do nothing ?

An audience transformed

• The highest goal;• Now that I’ve read this, I know this;• Now, I have to do something.

A presentation template

We had a big idea• It’s important because—• This idea came from—• We talked to these people, and they said—

Here’s how our big idea changed

• We were surprised to discover—• New information created these new insights—• Here’s why these insights are valuable—

The value proposition

• Our big idea will improve a process/save money/• make life better for people in the following ways—

Rejected opportunity cost

• If we do nothing, here are the consequences—• Here’s what they are doing on other jurisdictions—

No that you now all this

• You must—

questions