on a mission - geocities.wson a mission 3 chantelle hart (& lionel hartley) he gave me strength,...

On AMission

Chantelle Hart(With Lionel Hartley)

On A Mission 11111 Chantelle Hart (& Lionel Hartley)

On A MissionBy Chantelle Hart with Lionel HartleyPrinted in Broadcast and Lynda (Kerned 120%)Editing, type-setting & layout by Lionel Hartley

©1999 Chantelle Hart and Lionel HartleyAll rights reserved.

Illustrations by LDC Hartley ©Renewed1999Published by L & R HartleyP O Box 1471 Murwillumbah NSW 2484eMail: [email protected] electronic Edition 1999

DedicationThanks to the Lord my God who trusted in me. To my Editor whohas not only supported and taught me, but been a most faithful friendand publisher

— thanks also to his family who have loved me in their

home. To my three delightful children, more precious to me than lifeitself. To my family, especially my sister and young niece. Thanksfor everything! — Chantelle Hart

Mail to:[email protected]/freepublish


Contents:

Foreword by L Hartley, PhD

5. Here’s Some Comfort

20. You May Laugh!

31. Fond Times

42. A Sermon in Hospital

51. Full On!

59. Most Important

61. Of Most Interest


Hegave me strength,when I was weak,He saw my need,

he wondered if I'd see!

He gave me hope,where I had none,

He gave me courage,for the things done,

He gave me light,the presence of his love,

He gave me beauty,where I should have none,

He even gave me brain cells,where I should have come undone,

Yes I found a true faithful friendin God Above,

His love Won!


Foreword.

In Chantelle Hart's first published work,You've Got to Laugh Your Way Out, welearned of the traumas that she over-came during repeated stays in psychi-atric hospitals. In this, her second book,Chantelle Hart reveals something of thedriving force that enabled her to over-come.She boldly exposes her personality andhastily points the reader to the Sourceof Power in her life. A life that, thoughstill filled with struggles, has a mission.As with her earlier work, in editing andillustrating this book I have endeav-oured to stay true to her intent and yetretain her unique and refreshing style

Lionel Hartley, PhD


HERE’S SOME COMFORT

Do you know some of the greatestmen of God suffered from depression?Painter Vincent Van Gogh, U.S. Presi-dent Abraham Lincoln, British States-man Winston Churchill. How aboutCharles Haddon Spurgeon one of thegreatest preachers who ever lived? Bi-ble characters like King David “Howlong oh Lord? Will you forget me for-ever? How long will you hide your facefrom me? How long must I wrestle withthoughts and everyday have sorrow inmy heart?” Psalm 13:1-2.

Another interesting character inScriptures is Job. Not everyone hasbeen made aware of how God is able touse characters in the Bible for the les-sons of these days in which we live. It'strue He is still able to help us identifywith their experiences. We are able to


learn from these chosen men of God.Women also play a major rôle in Christ'slife. It is encouraging to know wewomen are not forgotten.

Others have felt like characters ofthe Bible who give us hope to know wetoo are able to find our way back to joyby telling us how God is able to work inour lives. Sharing their prayers and ex-periences with us along the way is ourhelping hand. Job, for instance, shareshis most intimate struggles, his hearteven failing him when he received re-jection from so many who were by hisside. To the point that he wonderedwhether God also had deserted him.But no! Instead, Job found a God whowas faithful. God was understandingtowards Job, allowed him to voice hiscomplaints.Eventually God spoke to Job to com-fort his soul. Not only did He explainhis position but gave Job back ten fold


all he had lost. Only God knew the rea-son why Job had to go through thistrial. Job was questioning God— thereis a lesson to learn from this man, don’tyou think? Luckily we are able to learnfrom him.We do not need to question God whenwe can read of characters in the biblewho have had this sort of experience.It teaches us faith, it teaches us thatGod is approachable while we are go-ing through difficult times, surely itteaches us that God is indeed faithful.

Many search for answers with quickfixes. Patience, or waiting on God, justat times seems too hard. (“Let's find away to make it right ourselves.”) Well,God makes all things beautiful in Hisin Hisin Hisin Hisin Histimetimetimetimetime! Christ is the real hope for heal-ing— healing for broken hearts. Heal-ing for lives that need a gentle touchand someone who understands thetroublesome world in which we exist.


There is so much suffering these dayswe need a Healing Touch! Surely theGod of heaven understands this morethan anyone else could possibly imag-ine. In Psalm 77:1-9 a man cried out forhelp. In verses 10-20 all becomes posi-tive. Even though a person can bedowncast, speaking to God allows thatperson to turn things around and ob-tain an attitude that the Holy Spirit isable to spend time with him. The HolySpirit's work is to draw us nearer toJesus, taking us boldly to our heavenlyfather. Uplifting the heart is to medi-tate on good. Many do not know thisyet it is true.

Prayer and reading the Bible are notsuch silly ideas after all. If you are read-ing this book and you have never knownthe Bible's Author, then ask for a Bibleto read and enjoy the influence it canleave in your life.We can all read and learn the things He


knows we need. Seek for yourselves,compare Scriptures and topics, withthe assistance and desire to learn morethat God is able to give to you.

Everyone has their good days andbad days. Highs and lows are not un-common. Extremes can occur whenweighty circumstances prevail. A manonce said to me “Don’t you think thereis a chemical imbalance?” When emo-tions are churned and tossed in largedoses there is a change that takes place.

Doctors may prescribe medicationto first release the tension. It is also pos-sible they may presume to diagnosethose people without looking furtherinto the cause which caused the depres-sion. Great stress can cripple indescrib-ably as was my case. I will not bore youwith the events that took place in mylife that made me collapse under thepressures of events or the number of


years I was down, but the truth is, I didhave shattered nerves. I am notashamed of it, my body has since beenturned around. Although there is somuch negativity is in the world, posi-tive moves can be made— it is possi-ble.

We must be aware that stories mayeither help or harm. Quite often you seetrue stories of success on television.Some lives so extreme that the nega-tives are focused on and not the posi-tives. One side only of really severe lifestories being promoted to the world istruly harmful. Please let me explainbefore any conclusion is made. Say, forinstance, a woman was raped. If she wasto watch a movie of that kind she wouldgo through all the negative emotionsthrough flashback. Her pain becomessomeone else’s enjoyment. How wouldthis woman feel afterwards? If anythingon television is too near to home for an


individual it may revive grief that hasnot been dealt with or faced. Many arein the world exactly in that position—watching terrible experiences canstrike fierce measures.

“One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”was a movie that was extremely popu-lar about twenty-five years ago. I was ayoung teenager enjoying myself likemany others at the drive-in. I thoughtit was a fantastic movie. It is amazingwhat growing up with such experiencescan achieve. I watched that movie outof interest like many others, yet when Iasked a certain lady what she thoughtof it, she said, “A bit too close to homefor me!”. She went on to explain thatshe was going through it in real life atthe time. I felt terrible, it did not evenenter my mind it would be painful forher. Doctors had suggested her futureinclude a similar operation to that de-tailed in the movie. No wonder she was


fearful and asked for assistance fromGod to cope. My fun was her pain. Oh,if only we shared more love and com-passion for others rather than concen-trating on our own pleasure.

Emotional trauma exists, not just inhospitals, but in our society, in ourworld. Years ago I wrote a poem for apainting titled “Nutty”. I was asked bymy father to look carefully at the paint-ing and write down what I saw. It wasgreat that he asked me to do this be-cause it was also a healing process forme. Being the sort of person I was, tobe able to write on this subject was en-lightening.

Illustration by Lionel HartleyCopyright, ©renewed 1999


“NUTTY”“NUTTY”“NUTTY”“NUTTY”“NUTTY”

What is nutty, I would like to know?Are they dangerous to othersOr do they glow?Do they hurt themselves or go wild?Is nutty to you— a child?There are nuts everywhere,They rape, abuse, kill, lie, steal.They don’t care!To me there are nuts everywhere!So why lock up innocent ones?Never mind, nutty people will seeIt is not just mental illness—But those who are poor.Poor in love with no compassion at all!

Nutty people cancancancancan see the light!They have the hope like any otherTo be righteous in God;For darkness can overtake your heartIf you don’t take time to start.So light is what nuts need to seeBless them, Oh Lord, and please bless me!“Send your angels everywhere!”“Send your angels everywhere!”


At the time of writing, my life had notimproved much. When that poem waswritten I saw something more thanwords. Did you? My father has a greatimagination and placing thosethoughts down on canvas is his way ofexpression, his gift from God.

Sometimes we need to understandthe background of lives in order to dwellupon the characters formed. I person-ally admire creative people because Igrew up with creative people. This qual-ity in my Dad was always appreciatedby us as children. A few, however, gavehim a hard time about his artistic flarebecause he was different from most inthose days. These days it is a popularform of art called abstract. I personallyused to think I was useless at art, butIt has been revealed to me that suchwas not true. In my high school days Ireceived a perfect ‘10’ mark, up until theteacher was told by a couple of girls who


had a problem with my ability that Ihad cheated. At the time it was very dif-ficult for me because these girls weresupposed to have been my friends. Itwas not easy being pretty and talentedat the same time. I certainly did notbelieve I was smart when it came toschool work or activities such as sports.I did not even believe I was attractive!

Chemical imbalances can start at ayoung age. It may slam down on us. Itmay enter our lives as we become older.It would be nice to share a story withyou at this stage. A lady gave me a callto brag about a statement she made toa man although this woman was aChristian. They had been arguing.Something in which he confided to herwas bought to surface as a weapon. Hetold her about a few-months-old childhe had lost. When he lost his temper ather one day (I suppose you could callthat a chemical imbalance.), she said


to him, “No wonder God took your childaway, you didn’t deserve him!” Shelaughed. Kindly I informed her thatsuch was a cruel statement and it wasnot true. “God did not take that child,He allowed itHe allowed itHe allowed itHe allowed itHe allowed it, there is a difference.” Myheart went out to this man— althoughhe was a total stranger. This womanhad a false impression of God. She knewno better, she honestly believed thatwhat she had said to him was true.Where did that belief stem from? Icould not identify with this lady overthis issue, so different from the Godwho personally helps me in my daily life.As much as I would of liked to rectifywhat she had said to him, it was to late,the damage had been done. Emotionalabuse comes in many different forms.

The man who use to abuse me physi-cally and emotionally heard my wordsof anger, “I hope you go down in a bigway.” When I later heard he was not


going well, I was sorry I had even saidthose words. Sure, I was no longer in-terested in him, but I would not havewished such ill health on my worst en-emy.

These were words spoken in haste. Ican admit to that now. Also bearing inmind that he is now finally healthy andgoing well. I would not like it to hap-pen to anyone you know. Why? BecauseI know what it feels like!

Denial is not good either. We are onlydeceiving ourselves and harming usalone. To lie also is destructive— bothto ourselves and to others around. Dis-honesty harms even if for good inten-tions. Lives will never improve while is-sues are not being faced.So chemical imbalance may be a legiti-mate cause. For those that are beingcalled crazy all the time— I’ve knownhow it feels. There is comfort to know


that one day it will all be opened— itwill be exposed. God does not need aclinical name for shattered lives— Heknows every important detail. Heknows our reasons for highs and lows.There is no cure except to face themand pray for sustaining power. To over-come fear and pain by working throughthem is difficult. I won’t pretend its not.However, I cancancancancan say this—”You can doit!” Even if that means seeking someassistance from a counsellor. Therewould be more shame for me if I wereto live my life that way and remain thesame, causing a lot of unnecessary griefto those I loved.

This can be a painful journey, yetwell worth it if you desire a normal life.As a Christian, God helped me crossthis bridge. He too is able to give youthe support and comfort you need toendure this road. He is more than will-ing to give you a helping hand, if that is


what you need! Do not look to othersfor answers or blame them, find solu-tions in your life. Find the direction thatis right for you.



You May Laugh

When I was writing this book I de-cided to try something that was sug-gested to me. For relaxation I placedwater in the bath with a piece of woodacross and begun to write. This reallywas a good idea, it was the longest I hadever stayed in the bath soaking. Nor-mally, I can tolerate it only for a whilethen get bored. Thanks to my eldestson who gave me some bath salts and anice candle for Mothers' Day, that is fornow what I am enjoying (I am the sortof person that needs variety in my life,and that includes my relaxing bath hab-its).

So if today you are content, happyand have peace, then that’s great. Ifnot, and there are those times, we needto explore our lives and make changes.(This includes me too). To evaluate ourlives is not really scary, it can be good,


because then changes can take place.Sure, some parts are hard, and it maynot even happen instantly. If we at leastlooklooklooklooklook at our own defects, then that is agood start to be able to admit it— be-ing truthful to ourselves and our Godat least. To look into and beyond ourcircumstances and situation can oftenbe a really beneficial. We need to be trueto ourselves, and in return we becometrue to others who surround us. Thisgives us the satisfaction of peace enter-ing our lives no matter our state. Goddoes understand for He is understand-ing.

Years back a Mobile Home was agood means for us to travel. This Ex-British-Army diesel bus, thirty footlong, had all the means of a comfortwithin a home. It had electricity, gas,and battery power. It had a shower andtoilet, so travelling to different placeswith different back yards and viewing


all sorts of sites was great. I must ad-mit that was the good side of travelling.Once near Gympie, while heading to-wards Mosman, a rest from driving wasneeded. As it was pouring down rain Idecided not to use the shower insidethe mobile home, but instead changedinto my swimmers and venture outsidewith soap, shampoo and conditioner. Itwas almost freezing, but enjoyable.Other people passing by thought so too,some smiled as they passed by in theircars, a few gave a wave, still some oth-ers laughed, some just stared withstunned looks of disbelief. For me it wasnice.

Do you know that there are manywho always live this way. In some areascreeks are used, others shower in therain, some parents even bath their chil-dren and themselves by garden hoseduring the day, even in winter months.These people or families do not have


the means to choose going indoors fora shower. Some have suspended buck-ets with holes in the bottom, otherssmall bags that can heat up through theday with the sun, leaving at least a shortwarm shower just before evening.These people are not mad, they just callit an alternative lifestyle. So sometimeor another we may all do things that arestrange. That’s normal.

As patterns in our lives form, thingsbecome familiar to us. This is the casealso for victims. Do many really under-stand the processes of behaviour? It isa area in which many really desire tounderstand and victims do not evenknow they are playing a major rôle. Forinstance, being an abused child canlead to allowing more abuse in theirlives. Some even themselves becomeabusers, which is tragic since they knowhow it hurts to be abused. Although thebehaviour of abusers is not something


I can claim to know a lot about, theytoo, like the victims, have a lot to workthrough— understanding that theywould be better people in doing so withmore quality of life for those aroundthem.

We may wonder why the world issuch a mess. Is it is because lives arebeing shattered in this manner morethan any other form?

However, the victims making thefirst move will help abusers look deeperinto their own lives. We often choose forourselves the sort of treatment we al-low into our homes and personal lives.



“Jesus CameTo Set Us Free”

Lord when our mindsare confused,

When our lives are a mess,What must we do?Where do we rest?

When no-one listensYou have an ear.

We can turn to youto dry our tears,Even when we

have judged others—How they should be,

We rest assuredthat where You are,

We ourselves are free!


Abusers will always return, becausethey know that the treatment has beenaccepted and will continue to do beaccepted. It is this pattern which needsto be broken! Lives are being turnedupside down with events that takeplace simply by compromising certainstandards— anchor points that areneeded within our lives. Breaking thecycle is extremely difficult, but this iswhere trained confidential counsellorsare able to assist you. It is your choicealone in the end. “What sort of life doyou desire to live?” is a very importantquestion and needs to be assessed withall honesty. It is sad that more and morelives are becoming shattered. Piecesneed to be replaced.

Laughter is good. It has been saidthat we should laugh at least ten min-utes a day (and more is even better). Itis easy for those who can laugh— tosome it comes naturally. Those who can


laugh during difficult times acknowl-edge that the joy is a real gift from God.

There was a lady in the same hospi-tal as I who tried to end her life, feelingthat she was just a burden on her hus-band and children. She had not laughedin four years. As she spoke, the desireto laugh again was really strong, but shecould not laugh. She wished laughtercould enter her life again. After listen-ing to her for a while I said “Do you wantto go play a game of ping-pong?”

She looked at me with disbelief, sheopened up her heart to me, poured outall her sorrow, and her wanting to bedead, my response was not what shewas expected. However she decided(with a little encouragement) to comewith me by my taking her hand andleading her to the games room.

What she did not know, was that the


thought of giving this lady some fun hadentered my mind. When we began toplay she was not overly excited aboutthe game. I missed the ball and shelaughed out loud and kept on laughingwhile I chased the ball to replace backon the table. She then had a smile, andlaughing while playing and talking toone another during our game. We wereboth heavily drugged with medicationso neither of us were any good at play-ing, but we were able to have fun!

She stuck with me after that, andwhen I was being moved to another sec-tion, she began to hold onto me andcried for me to stay. I had no choice,although a nurse did say I could comeback and visit. Sadly, when the timecame, patients were not allowed to visitother patients. Instantly I hoped andprayed that someone else would go tothat lady to help her continue to laugh.


Find someone who needs to laughand laugh with them. We all need alaugh, and it takes happy people likeyou to start it.



Laugh TodayLike a toad sitting on a rock,

Making a tool to chisel the block,Little by little like a head in the jam,

We make others laugh.How? We don’t care a damn—

We do whatever it takes:Act like a clown?

Anything.Anything to make people laugh.

Laughter makes the world go round,If we make people (who are low) laugh as well,

The toad would be sitting in jam—Sweet as sweet as it could be,

That’s how I feel!Jolly, Jolly bubbling with ease,

When you set someone on a laughing trip,To some it is a breeze that flows through the air—

The happiness felt,Making them laugh

Leaving their despair. Laughter is what the world needs

in a good way;So think of a way

You can make someone laugh today!

Yes, laughing is important, it ishealthy, to the merry heart it is wisewhen we use it for good medicine!


Fond Times (The making of memories)

Fond memories are nice to have, re-ally. I believe it is more important thanmany are aware. Often people mistakethe past as something of sorrow and nobenefit for the present. Treat the pastas a friend and it will be kind to you!When speaking of the past to thosearound me in the mental hospital I be-lieve that it was not for my benefit, butfor the benefit of others.

To be able to express the past andbe comfortable doing so, may be ofgreat enlightenment for those who wishto enter into a world of acceptance.When in hospital there is little choicebut to dwell upon the past— to fight itonly makes it worse. Acceptance, andmaking the most of it while there, is farmore practical and conditions can ex-ist for coping with the traumas of thepast.


There was an exciting time I can re-member when an outing was being ar-ranged. It is nice when you are in hos-pital for any length of time, to receivepermission to go out. This time my fa-ther had telephoned the hospital to askif the family could take me out for a fewhours. When I received the news froma nurse, I was keen to get some freshclothing and was excited about goingon a outing with my family. They weretravelling a long way to see me whichmade it even more special.

When they arrived I was ready. Whenmy brother came in to get me I intro-duced him to a few patients and it wasnice to see that he was so friendly tothem. We went out to the car where myfather was waiting for us and startedto travel toward Ballina. When I askedmy father where we were going he said,“To look at houseboats and see how


much they cost to hire.” It was thrillingto be talking to my father and brotherboth on the way and when we arrivedat the nicest spot imaginable with wa-ter and houseboats in full view.

As we were stepping across onto aboat, I became so afraid. My senseswere clouded with medication and Iwas not confident enough to step onboard alone. My father noticed I washesitating and reached out his hand. Hetook mine and helped me across. (Ourfather in heaven does exactly thesame.)

As I gazed around the interior of thehouseboat, I found the cutlery on dis-play was shining brilliantly. It stood outas something beautiful. In contrast towhat I had become accustomed to inhospital, I immediately noticed that thebed quilts looked so amazingly rich withtheir lovely patterns and colours. When


my father opened a cupboard by eyeswere enlarged as I gazed upon the din-ner set. After the plainness of the hos-pital, this was better than any motel. Ibore the smiles, laughter, and excite-ment of a child in the fun company ofmy father and brother.

We then stepped off the boat, onceagain my father helped me step downbefore we went to a nearby shop. Myfather encouraged me to choose some-thing for me to take back to hospital. Ichose a few small gifts to add to thebuilding of a memory. We went back tothe car and returned to the hospital.When they dropped me off, I was ex-tremely sad to see them go. Tears en-tered my eyes, even though I retaineda smile on my face as I saw them off.

Then I went back into my room tobe alone. As I placed the gifts on mytable, I realised I had no reason to be


sad as a part of them remained with me.At that time I was even more fortunate,as a male nurse had arranged a roomfor me with what I considered the nic-est view in all the hospital. I had a lotto be grateful for— in addition to myfamily— I had a God that remained withme simply because I asked Him to.

More memorable times were createdwhen I was in another hospital when mymother came and visited me everydaywithout fail. She would catch a busearly in the morning, come and visit,and stay until the afternoon when vis-iting hours were over. Her effort andperseverance for so long was reallyamazing. That is real commitment. Shehas the patience of a saint. She taughtme to sit and wait for hours if need beand not become frustrated. By observ-ing her patience, I was able to learnmine. We did many activities together.She would help me to cover books, lis-


ten to me sing songs that I wrote whilein there, come for walks with me, sayprayers that were encouraging for bothof us and played games.

We were a very limited in what wecould do, but it made little difference,as we enjoyed each other's company.These precious times are worth remem-bering, don’t you think?My Nanna was in hospital for manyyears. She was a lady with a lovely per-sonality— full of fun and life, I was told.That was not the Nanna I knew: I onlyknew of her as a woman with faith andlove towards her God while she sufferedfor ten long drawn-out years on a hos-pital bed after suffering several strokes.

It was actually my experiencing herfaith that taught me mine.

These are fond memories— memo-ries for good. It is beneficial to weed-


out the fond memories and not dwellupon the destructive elements of thepast. Fond memories have been asource of faith which I used to estab-lish mine own faith as I went throughmy own hard times year after year. NowI hope to pass onto you that renewedfaith and a new insight into God— thatmaybe He has not forgotten nor failedto see. From generation to generation,God is good.

Memories created through natureare lovely. A huge bold blue tongue liz-ard who used to come in from outsidewould wander around the hospital,even if visitors were present. I devel-oped an appreciation for the shrubs (orweeds) that I kept in my garden, andthe little flowers you could barely seeunless you looked for them. The sun toenjoy, the rain for a nice change, differ-ent seasons during the year to make itmore interesting for us by creating va-


riety in our lives— these things are forour enjoyment if we take the time toenjoy them. How sad when peoples livesbecome filled with whinging. Some donothing but complain. I would hate tobe in God’s shoes, trying to please eve-ryone— I know I would fail miserably.Have you any fond times you would liketo recall?

Can you believe: this I actually en-joyed filling up ten big garbage bagswith weeds out of a garden bed Iwanted to start. Mosquitoes hardlybothered me and the sand-flies I en-dured in masses. I am a very soft per-son, but life tends to toughen you some-times. I am learning not to concernmyself with small matters, or even someopinions: What people may say abouta thirty-year-old lady who can appreci-ate nature better by sitting up in a treeas people are walking by. (At least hermother could say, “You always did en-


joy nature.”) Such behaviour was notto be different but simply to have fun—the same goes for life in general. It isour outlook that counts. We each de-cide for ourselves, although some needto work harder at it, it is worth it. Thefinished product is to be happy.Through reminiscing on fond memo-ries, we can all learn to be content withour circumstances and situation.

Mental Institutions are ‘obligationhouses’— you're obligated to stay in andmake the most of it! If I had forgottenmy past then this sharing would nothave taken place. From past experi-ences we learn— learn to care and learnto share. We are like a garden, we needrefreshing showers, we need an extratouch to be happy, we need the Son ofGod to shine into our lives.

There are weedy people who cangrow too with a little loving kindness.


Yet sometimes a demonstration of lovecan set them back, as some are moreprovoked by love than revelling in thejoy of receiving it, I believe it is becausethey may want something you have, orthey are hurting deeply and lashing outbecause they find it is easier than try-ing to be happy, because they don’tknow how to be happy. They have notyet explored the calming breeze thatcools you down, leaving tenderness be-hind. The key is allowing forgiveness tobecome centred in your life.

Through God's grace, we are able toforgive without being caught up in aweb. To forgive abusers, ignorance, orwhatever else that is needed is the re-sult of Gods grace alone, and it is suffi-cient. I think that everyone wants tolike themselves more, and if they trulywant happiness they will seek to findit! The memory of someone’s kindnessand gentleness will always remain a liv-


ing image to be remembered. Peoplewho support others become an impor-tant part of fond memories. Brighten-ing lives of others along the way is thegift of God's presence. And it is thequiet times with Him that has taken meto such heights. He works within ourhearts, changing us, making us new.

This is not some fault in God want-ing to correct our lives, it is simply Hismercy. It is His touch that filled my lifewith joy and He can fill your's too. I amable to love other people cause He firstloved me, I am able to forgive mistakesbecause He first forgave mine, and I amable to share my experience because Iknow He cares for you too! The nicestpart of life is God’s love, that keeps usaware of his touch and faithfulness inour lives— how He is able to workthrough our lives to supporting an-other. God is always willing and able!


A Sermon In Hospital

I pause to recall a sermon I oncewrote during a time I was not attend-ing church. I wrote on a subject thatwas especially meaningful to me. Iwrote on the seventh-day Sabbath. Al-though I am a Seventh-Day Adventist,my not going to church at that time didnot diminish my belief on this subject.In fact I had, many a time, missed at-tending church over long number ofyears. In my heart I knew, that regard-less of my church attendance, the Sab-bath-day was still special time betweenGod and me. At that time, I did not at-tend because many issues had to beresolved in my own life and I did notexactly blend in— or so I thought. ButGod remained with me and He and Ihad many moments together. Writingthis sermon was just one.

I enjoyed writing the sermon, but the


guy I was living with at the time did not.He never saw beauty in my spiritual in-terest but only condemned me for itand made me feel like I was a total foolfor believing in God. He was ready toadmit me into the psychiatric hospitalinstantly, demanding that I was crazyand had a problem, simply because Ihad stayed up till late writing from myheart and enjoying looking up texts. Hebecame infuriated and said “That’s it,girl, you’re going into the hospital.”

In response I became afraid and an-noyed. I was not going to give this manthe satisfaction dragging me in thereagain, especially over my writing aboutGod's Sabbath.

While he was in the shower, I triedto make myself feel better by takingmyself to the hospital. He came alonglater with what I had written and I wasadmitted! That, remarkably, is how


other nurses and even a doctor wereable to read what I had written. OneChristian nurse appreciated what hadbeen written and encouraged me tocontinue. A certain male nurse asked ifhe could read it: somehow I knew thiswas not going to be in my favour, so Iwas hesitant to hand it over, but I did.

He read part of it, then looked at meas if too say, ‘she is crazy’. Anothernurse must have heard about it, cameand asked if she could read it, I trustedher a little more. When she returned thesermon she said she enjoyed it and itwas good. That is what I regard as dif-ferences in perception— one was openthe other closed.

There are other ways for a sermoninto reach into people lives. My aunty(a counsellor) came in for a visit withthe nicest bunch of flowers. After hav-ing a conversation with me she asked


me the question, “What have they gotyou in here for, you seem all right, youdon't appear to be crazy.” When mycousin heard I was in hospital he camein immediately to see if he could takeme home with him, and bring me backon a daily basis for medication andcheck ups. He mentioned somethingabout knocking the doctor out and tak-ing me and hiding me away.

I knew then I was to remain and Ilet him know that if God had me inthere for a purpose it was all right, andI would stay. But my cousin could notagree and said he would keep in touchby phone because it hurt him to muchto visit me.

The doctors did not often comprisewith my family. Even a trip out to lunchwith a family member was denied.Maybe my family were not use to therejection, but by this time I knew what


to expect. Fortunate I had a family thatcared. My family knew of my personal-ity, my beliefs, and my outgoing nature.This was nothing strange to them. An-other cousin (beside the one I men-tioned) and his wife visited on a regu-lar basis. Bringing me so many flowersI was able to share them with inmateswho had none. I even dried some outfor myself for the day I was to arrivehome to remember the visitations.

A lady who lived next door to me, notunderstanding why I was in there in thefirst place, came to visit me and sharesome wonderful laughs and smiles.Maybe these seem like small gestures,but if you know someone who is goingthrough this process now, then under-stand they need you while they are sort-ing out their lives. Many flowered mylife, and that in itself was more of a ser-mon than any amount of words thatcould be spoken.


God was able to use me several timeswhile I was in there. One lady I had thepleasure of being associated with hadscars all over her body and been admit-ted for a whole year with no leave. Sheexplained to me that voices she heardwere telling her to harm herself all thetime, they were entering into her headcalling themselves by name. I simplysaid “You come and get me next timeit happens.” She did.

As I spoke to her about the voices, Itold her to ignore the voices if they weretelling her to harm herself. I then askedher if she believed in Jesus and I sug-gested a prayer. Over time, she learntto pray and ignore the voices. After onewhole year of doctors treating her withmedication and giving her no hope ofever returning to her family, that wasall it took. (Plain and simple.) Shegradually began to dress nicely and go


out on leave: one day leave at first, thena few days at a time. She was recover-ing. She was so much happier andfriendlier.

A male nurse that had attemptedsuicide was placed within the ward. Hewas hard to get close to as I noticedthat he especially seemed fearful ofwomen. He did not carry a conversationas he was too busy staying distant. Oneday, when we were alone in a room, Isaid, “Have you had a hard time withwomen?” He admitted he did, addingthat he was homosexual. He seemedsurprised at my trying to understand-ing and to be non-judgemental. I thenasked him if he had tried to commitsuicide because he was lonely. Helooked extremely amazed at mystraight forward question and replied,“Yes”. I do not know what made me saywhat I did (except maybe the Lord giv-ing me the words).


So I learnt that he and I could be-come friends of trust. On the day of myleaving he offered to carry my bagsdownstairs for me, gave a kiss on mycheek and hugged me ‘goodbye’.There is so much more that could beshared, but these two will give you anidea with just how God is able to help.Maybe not all are acceptable to God'sworking, but some are prepared to trycause medical profession has giventhem no answers or solutions.

If people began noticing how theselittle things are able to help and encour-age, then that would be like a sermontoo. It is the little things that brightenour lives that makes the difference—how much more do people needing itappreciate it. Giving the lonely the op-portunity to express themselves (a fewnever will because they are afraid). Ireally hope and have prayed that heartswill be touched. You can enjoy a good


life if you work towards it and neverquit. By the grace of God I have beenable to do it, by this I believe it is possi-ble for you too. All things are possiblewith God.

When it is hard to work through orshare with anyone, remember that Godunderstands, and He can help youthrough until such time that you canface the issues that have torn your lifeapart. Do not be ashamed. Be braveand face what is shattering the life: thesooner it is done, the better you will feel.It won’t happen instantly, overnight,but it will take place— and you will no-tice improvements. It is your decision,it is your life, just as my life is my deci-sion— we all chose for ourselves, no-oneelse is responsible. So let us rememberthat no-one else is to blame— forgiveourselves and others for past mistakesand get on with living life and enjoyingthe glorious future.


Full On

There is no academic education inthe things I share. Education oftencomes with life experiences, as it haswith me. It is a different process but onewhich trains us in areas which bookscannot teach. It may have been a roughway to learn, but I have no regrets if ithas opened my mind towards God ortoward others in similar circumstances.

Some time ago, I thought of becominga counsellor and helping peoplethrough certain areas with which Iknew I could identify. Although I madesome initial inquiries but a part of meheld back. Maybe I was aware that cer-tain areas of my experience would runcontrary to the textbook and thatwould have been difficult for me person-ally. I would then have be totally hon-est with some of the answers as well asmyself.


Even though many encouraged me (in-cluding the G. P. that counselled me—he said that if I could get through thetheoretical knowledge part that mypast experiences would be a real ben-efit to counselling. Although this G. P.was not a Christian, he admitted thathe believed Christian faith had helpedme. I was one of his best survivors andhe doubted I would ever fall victimagain— the difference being whether ornot I accept it back into my life. Thatwill always remain my choice.)

What I do choose in my life now is justto love. It is not uncommon to admirepeople with a natural love. A family Iknow are so lovely, the mother in par-ticular is the most gracious, loving per-son. She seems really different at first,but as you get to know her you realisethat it is just her loving manner.


Other members of her family are thesame because of the love they receive.Because of her love, they worship Godtogether and have a loving environ-ment. This family helps, acts, talks asthough love exists (which it does). Asyou get to know them respect becomesno longer just a word.

Loving families seem rare these days,but loving environments do still exist.Sometimes, when it comes to really dif-ferent people— people who may (to us)look or act strange— their lifestyle al-ternative makes it difficult for us tonotice that these may be loving people.I used to live in a country town wherepeople were so different to those withwhom I was accustomed that I learntto accept the most peculiar.

It helped me to be non-judgementaland loving too, but the experiencetaught me to be extremely careful with


whom I associate. Company does makethe difference— for better or for worse.It still continues to be our choice— toaccept people for what or whoever theyare is nice, but to allow the unhealthyinfluences in their lives to combine withours is dangerous, especially if their in-fluence has been in an area that youhave successfully fought your waythrough.

When people around me go through adifficult time, I enjoy slipping them apoem, writing letters of encourage-ment, or even making up some littletreat to take to them as I visit. My ownexperience has made me the sort ofperson I now am: that which is now mycalling. When my children often askedwhy I come in contact with so manythat are ill I try to help them to under-stand that it is my area of ministry (onlyGod knows why).


Not all are easily touched by kindness:it takes different people to reach differ-ent people with different needs. I thinkit is kind not to gossip. Some with a dif-ferent perspective may not agree. It isstrange now looking back at my timein hospital when I wanted no gossip. Iwas hardly realistic.

Gossip can be destructive if we pass iton it. I personally try not listen to gos-sip and I tell myself that I find it bor-ing. I tell myself that I can have muchmore fun talking about things otherthan what others are doing in their lives(or being asked what is happening inmine).

Have you ever been more comfortablewith some more than others? The faith-ful friends are the ones you know willnot gossip— these are the ones you canfeel free to open up too. These are theones you can trust.


Good gossip! We need more good gos-sip! A most interesting determiner ofgossip is “If you can’t say somethingnice, maybe best not to say it at all.”Many do not even go to church becauseof gossip. Gossip is very opposite towhat love is: Love does not run peopledown. In the end you may find out thegossip was not true. Gossip is not usu-ally gospel. In fact if you hang aroundgossip (this has happened to me in thepast) you become no better than thegossippers.

We cannot always make people awareif they are doing it— I tried that onceand it was not successful. In an articleI was once shown, it said “You have tocut out the heart because its rooted sodeeply.” Things are not always how theyappear to be so we need to be careful ifwe wish to begin choosing sides.


I reckon the only good thing about gos-sip is that the truth may be finally re-vealed. Did you ever hear the words ofEric Clapton’s ‘Tears in Heaven: No-one Knows You When You're Down andOut’?

“Would you know yourname if I saw you inheaven? Would it be thesame, if I saw you inheaven? I must bestrong, carry on, ’cause Iknow I don’t belong herein heaven.”

We all do belong, and we also belong toone another, because what we do toeach other we do to our Lord. He feelsand bears the pain. He carries thosethat are left alone.

Heaven is a promise made to us— aplace the Lord has prepared wherethere will be no more hurt, pain, sor-row, suffering or death. It will be a place


of sincerity and love, full of delightfullyenjoyable times, no more nasty insults,no more accusations. Exciting timesexist ahead.

I personally believe we start here andnow with the love found in our Lord andGod. Responding to love ourselves andin return loving and forgiving ourselvesbecause God forgave us. As a naturalresponse we then desire to forgive oth-ers while lovingly impressing uponthem the distinction between right andwrong. For love is honest, and truth islike a kiss on the lips.



Most Important!

Ever wonder about time? Since I was achild, with a different health problems,I have been in and out of hospitals. Onlythe hand of God could have sustainedme through such trying occurrences.

But it was never a waste of time. It wasenduring and testing, but never awaste. In retrospect I have found it tobe a blessing, not only for me but forthe many others I met throughoutthose years. No-one but God reallyknew just how it would work out. At thetime, it was something I could not fullyunderstand— I just took everything asit came along (as I did the people I meetalong the way). I guess we all do that inour own way.

You will be able to relate to differentpressures that have occurred with yourown life— how you have been there for


them, or who have been there for you.Life works that way doesn’t it? So weare not alone in that process.

So when we start to realise we are ag-ing and that the years fly by, and wewonder where our years have gone—how quickly the days begin and comeand go, we can look back in our lives inone way or the other and say, “Well it’sbeen jolly good”. A hand up above hasbeen there to help us and we did noteven realise it at times. I may not haveeven believed the way I should have,but God is good after all. He's been inand through my life.

Time is valuableand there is a time andseason for everything!

Time is a healer, and our bodies aremagnificent in restoring. If I have ac-complished, by the grace of God, any


sort of improvement in my life then thatalone was something to be eternallygraceful for, or if others were touchedalong the way, then that is somethingto appreciate and admire God for too,and so our time goes on... we all havetimes in our lives when we have beenblessed all round.

Little things in our lives— they are allthere to fulfil a purpose. Our growth,helping others, learning so much as wego along— it may be forgiveness or lov-ing— when we can capture the beautythat God is able to mould out of ourexperiences along the way, then timeis valuable.

How do you feel, about your time? Howdo you feel about your state? Believeme, looking at ourselves, is not the key.If we look at ourselves for too long, itcould be rather discouraging and dis-tasteful, even if we're a good person.


Looking to the Lord our God, (now thatis someone worth looking at) will en-able us to have those special times.

If you are ill and going through a reallydifficult time, recognise that God canhelp. I am being honest here. You'redoing great, the biggest accomplish-ment you can achieve while ill in gen-eral is to cope with it, and if you're inthat circumstance now, then recogni-tion of God belongs also to you. Feelimportant about yourself regardless,because you are important to God. Iknowknowknowknowknow you are!

Well, everything falls into place. We allhave short lives, yet we can certainlymake the best of our time along theway. Valuable time— learning to rest inGod's care is so wonderful.

Do you lack motivation? Ever thinkwhy? Do you want to hang around


those successful? Jesus has been thatsuccess. I will be honest here. Whensomeone who has gone through a hardtime becomes well one day, (there arethose stories and dreams that do cometrue), it can be so difficult if we do notallow God to clear the stage. What I amtrying to say to those who have beenthere, for you— along the way— are cer-tain people who are special in your life.God has been special to me— He wason call twenty-four hours a day. Othersare just as special some of the time tootime.

We all have so much more to learn, andlove is the greatest lesson. Time is mostimportant, yet money takes an otherprize. How dreadfully sore, for thosewho are struggling, when support is sodesperately needed more than any-thing, and we hold back. Yes, there aresome who may abuse it, but should thatstop us?


If a favour is done, we ought to expectnothing in return but a thank-you andappreciation for the effort. Kind actsare sometimes misunderstood but Godabove understands the sincerity behindit— sincere hearts with right motivesthat act to help. To know that if Godeven loves someone like me then, be-lieve me, everyone can be loved by Him.

God does not see any of us as ‘nuts’, wedon’t grow on nut trees. If we weremeant to be nuts, we would be hangingon a tree right now in full nut swing.God understands, cares and loves peo-ple in every part their lives. Just be-cause I believe in God does not makeme strange. Just because He has writ-ten messages on my heart, even thecommandments. To all of us God's careis a safeguard. A life-saver!

God himself has feelings. He has hadto survive watching us go all different


directions, trying to find our own solu-tions and answers for everything, whenhe has been there all along waiting, witha great deal of patience.

Life is a sweet challenge. God is in con-trol of our lives. He is the CommandingOfficer who plays a rôle in reaching outhis hand to you! Capture his love andyou will never have any regrets nor willyou ever be put to shame. Our trust inGod is definitely not in vain. Pride hasno part in it— being humble before Goddoes, it has major rôle.



“Of Most Interest”

“There was a journalist in SouthAmerica who heard about a certainprison and the really terrible things thathappening inside to the prisoners. Witha journalist's interest in searching forstories, he wanted to know more aboutthe happenings that were taking place.So his idea was to enter into that prisonto find out for himself what really tookplace. A sort-of ‘behind-the-scenescase’.

This journalist told his family andfriends he was going on a holiday, a va-cation. However, he in reality enteredthe jail system and went through themost horrific experiences. No-one knewhe was a journalist.

But the length of time he stayed therewas long enough to write a story andreveal what people needed to know.”


What stands out to me most about thistrue story is that he volunteered. Heknew that it was going to be rough, evenhorrific, yet he still went in by his ownfree will. He was willingly taking ontrauma to reveal the truth. He helpeda lot of people by his brave mission.

“Wow!” Who would volunteer to dosomething so drastic just to find an ar-ticle? That was a good reporter. His ex-perience was the best research. Itmakes you wonder if his still recover-ing. I somehow hope he is having a realholiday this time. When someone is lit-erally being forced into a mental insti-tution (this needs to be a clear picture.)There may be screaming, kicking andpraying for help.

I would like to share with you just oneinstance where God personally helpedme. I was to have shock treatment. By


doctor's request he asked me to sitdown and wait on a chair beside an-other lady. There was no time for lostcontrol, or even tears. This was, how-ever, a place to lift a prayer. “What do Ido Lord?” With a soft answer implantedin my memory bank, “sit still and do notfight or talk”. When there is a room withhorrific-looking equipment visiblethrough a clear window, what else couldI do but go by any voice that was pre-pared to help me.

At the time I was not sure if this wasGod or if it was going to help me or not.But it was the only answer that cameto me.

Sitting still, not panicking, with myhands placed calmly in my lap. I sat.Like a sitting duck. Waiting. The doc-tor came up to me and said, “You seemall right now, you can go, we won’t giveyou shock treatment.” All I could say


was, “Thank-you” as I slowly walkedaway in relief.

One other time it was recommendedthat I needed shock treatment, butsomehow that close encounter passedby as well.

One very burly gentleman that cameinto hospital was angry. He had beenaccused of doing something that heclaimed he had not done at all. Doctorslaughed at him whenever he tried to letthem know it was not him. He said hedid not know what they were talkingabout for they had him mixed up withsome one else. Well, that was his story.

This man was annoyed, and looked atus who were patients, and said “Howcan you people take this treatment?Why don’t you fight back? There aremore of you!” This seemed like a solu-tion. But being the outspoken one I said


“ You'll soon learn that you obey therules or else you're in worse trouble.”He looked at me in disbelief.

He remained with us for two to threedays before he was dismissed from hos-pital with an apology they had made amistake. They had sought after someone else, and they had picked up thewrong man and accused him falsely. Hechallenged, “How is a ‘sorry’ goodenough for what you have put methrough.” As he walked out with hisbags. I turned to a person near me andsaid “ That poor guy”

The best time I think I ever had in hos-pital was when I suggested to all thepatients we sleep outside on the courtyard for the night. Late one afternoonmany of us were talking sitting on thegrass and the conversation moved tospiritual matters with lots of questions,different points of views, and even a Bi-


ble for us to read from (One guy whowas not a believer offered to fetch it forme). There we were having such a nicetime, we must have gone on for manyhours because the stars were out andit was getting late. There was only onemale staff member on duty and he wasoff to the side waiting for us to retire tobed, acting totally bored and reading abook. He did come over several timesand said we should go to our rooms andget some sleep, yet none of us weretired. We were alive and right into deepdiscussions on spiritual matters.

It was getting really late and once againthe male nurse came and asked us togo to bed. This time in a more demand-ing voice. “Hey! Lets go get some blan-kets and our pillows, and sleep out herefor the night,” was my suggestion. Thismale nurse could not believe it, we hadtaken our medication yet nothing wasworking for him. So we slept outside


under the stars! With the late night wehad, when we awoke the next morning,we went off to our own beds and sleptthroughout the day. The nurses com-mented that it had been great for thembecause they had a nice peaceful daywith all of us sleeping.

It only takes one day of difference tomotivate. It helped me to be able to talkto and fit in with these people. To openup the truth where it has been longoverdue. To have the institution appearto be fair and just would be a great helpto many.

Afterword by chantelle:

‘If what I have shared hashelped you, it has beenworth it. I would like to seeyou return home safely.’ CH

on a mission - geocities.wson a mission 3 chantelle hart (& lionel hartley) he gave me strength,...

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