dating.notebook

1

November 19, 2013

Nov 17­7:56 PM

Why do people date?

Nov 18­8:15 AM

Dating- early 20th century, males and females met at church or community events in social groups- 1920s- men started asking females out by organizing and paying for the activity

- whether they accepted the offer depended on the activity and how much it cost- 1930s - "going steady" meant exclusive relationship- 1950 and 60s - dating became opportunity to spend time together for pleasure and romance

- teenagers began dating earlier and it became a common recreational activity, rather than a way to find a suitable mate

- 20th century - more casual approach to forming a relationship- 21st century - continuum of mate selection; often getting help from other sources to find a mate

Nov 17­7:59 PM

Murstein's Market Experience Perspective (p. 216)

- dating allowed individuals to learn to relate to the opposite sex and judge character so they could decide what personal qualities they desired in a marriage partner

Nov 18­8:10 AM

Murstein's Filter Theory

Copy the chart from page 215 into your notes

- individuals use the filters to screen out unacceptable marriage partners until they have selected one

Do these filters still apply today?

Answer discussion questions

dating.notebook

2

November 19, 2013

Nov 17­8:01 PM

Present Day Dating

hooking up speed dating

GPS mobile dating

online dating matchmaking services

In groups, critique ONE of these methods, examining the PROS and CONS.

Which methods are most effective today?

Nov 17­8:03 PM

People with more dating experience will have greater success in marriage. (p. 218-219)

Agree Disagree

Nov 17­8:05 PM

How do your parents divide the household

jobs and make major decisions?

Nov 17­8:06 PM

Companionate Relationships- men and women seek friendship, caring and support from their partners

- the purpose of marriage has changed from parenthood, thus the roles of spouses have changed also

- the new norm in Canada is companionate relationships - marriage or cohabitation relationship based on interdependence and equality

- focus on intimacy and commitment

- this occurs during the first years of a relationship

dating.notebook

3

November 19, 2013

Nov 17­8:07 PM

Predictable Stages of Marriage

- many couples get disappointed as marriage gets more difficult in the first 5 years

Stage 1: Relationships are romantic, warm and respectful, focusing on exploration, sexual attraction and idealization of partner. Individuals build self-esteem.

Stage 2: Conflict arises as individuals become more demanding to meet their own needs. Results in instability in the relationship and requires both partners to change their behaviour. Individuals feel let down.

Stage 3: Couples compromise and negotiate a relationship that meets their needs as well as possible. Relationship is more realistic, mature and stable.

Nov 18­11:32 AM

The Marriage Cycle (Family life-cycle theory)

There are many predictable developmental crises in a relationship:

- adjustment to marriage- birth of a child- teenage years- children leaving home- retirement- growing old together

Nov 17­8:08 PM

Negotiation

Traditionally...

Women - maintain and nurture the marriage and family

Men - pursued financial stability through personal fulfillment

Now roles have changed, women are pursuing personal fulfillment also

The traditional is considered the default role and need to be negotiated within the relationship

Nov 18­11:36 AM

Negotiation - a process of conferring with others to reach an agreement

When, where, how and with whom to eat, sleep, talk, argue, spend, work, clean, relax

Personal issues are not trivial and still require negotiation

Often ideas are negotiated by how each other responds. It also establishes boundaries for the relationship.

- need to communicate needs and concerns to their partners without defined roles

dating.notebook

4

November 19, 2013

Nov 17­8:08 PM

How will you divide housework and decision making?

Read text p. 221 - 227

Nov 17­8:08 PM

Matrimony as the Ultimate Adventure

Read p. 226-227 and answer the questions