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Getting Unstuck: Trust Behaviors & Repair Model MODEL Wendy Fraser, PhD 360-556-6056 [email protected] Repairing trust in groups and organizations, bridging understanding, and strengthening relationships Research shows that there are patterns of behaviors that support organizational effectiveness and strong relationships. In each category below there are suggested behaviors to strengthen trust. Purpose entails clarity about why the group exists. While this is primarily a leadership function, group members are also responsible for understanding the purpose and working toward it. Any uncertainty will adversely affect the rest of the pyramid. § Determine – purpose, direction, scope, priorities, and boundaries § Align – people, systems, and resources for success Roles of each person in the group need to be fully understood by everyone in that group. Any fuzziness about who is supposed to do what affects how work gets done, how people communicate, and how they interact. § § Establish – clear roles and responsibilities; mutual expectations; and accountability § Set-Up – people for success: delegate well and create support systems § Honor – agreements, commitments, and confidentiality Core Processes refers to getting work done effectively to carry out the purpose. § Improve – operations, relationships, and results; be open to new ways of doing things § Ensure – consistency, reliability, and responsiveness § Engage – people; broaden decision-making; ask for input Communication includes the nature, patterns, tone, methods, and intentions regarding how people communicate and make decisions § Listen – openly without judgment or interruption; and tune into the quiet voices § Check-in – on assumptions, intentions, and for mutual understanding § Seek – feedback; sound and current data; and new perspectives § Inform – share timely, relevant information; avoid surprises; be transparent and truthful § Foster – curiosity, open-mindedness, and engage in healthy challenges to conventional thinking Interpersonal Dynamics influences everything and everything above influences how people interact with one another. Personality style, family background, life experiences, cultural upbringing, education, racial, gender, age, and other social and diverse identities all have influence on our interpersonal dynamics. With trust issues, we tend to experience the interpersonal dynamics first. § Strengthen Relationships and Connectivity – invest time and energy into building others up; avoid gossip which erodes self-esteem and group connectivity § Respect – people’s unique contributions; honor differing perspectives and styles; be inclusive and welcoming § Invest – in the growth and development of others § Model – high standards, integrity, and vulnerability § Acknowledge – mistakes; your impact on others; and apologize timely and sincerely

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Page 1: New Getting Unstuck: Trust Behaviors & Repair Model MODEL · 2017. 6. 14. · Getting Unstuck: Trust Behaviors & Repair Model MODEL Wendy Fraser, PhD 360-556-6056 WendyFraser@comcast.net

GettingUnstuck:TrustBehaviors&RepairModel MODEL

WendyFraser,[email protected]

Repairingtrustingroupsandorganizations,bridgingunderstanding,andstrengtheningrelationships

Researchshowsthattherearepatternsofbehaviorsthatsupportorganizationaleffectivenessandstrongrelationships.Ineachcategorybelowtherearesuggestedbehaviorstostrengthentrust.Purposeentailsclarityaboutwhythegroupexists.Whilethis

isprimarilyaleadershipfunction,groupmembersarealsoresponsibleforunderstandingthepurposeandworkingtowardit.Anyuncertaintywilladverselyaffecttherestofthepyramid.

§ Determine–purpose,direction,scope,priorities,andboundaries§ Align–people,systems,andresourcesforsuccess

Rolesofeachpersoninthegroupneedtobefullyunderstoodbyeveryoneinthatgroup.Any

fuzzinessaboutwhoissupposedtodowhataffectshowworkgetsdone,howpeoplecommunicate,andhowtheyinteract.

§ § Establish–clearrolesandresponsibilities;mutualexpectations;andaccountability

§ Set-Up–peopleforsuccess:delegatewellandcreatesupportsystems§ Honor–agreements,commitments,andconfidentiality

CoreProcessesreferstogettingworkdoneeffectivelytocarryoutthepurpose.

§ Improve–operations,relationships,andresults;beopentonewwaysofdoingthings§ Ensure–consistency,reliability,andresponsiveness§ Engage–people;broadendecision-making;askforinput

Communicationincludesthenature,patterns,tone,methods,andintentionsregardinghow

peoplecommunicateandmakedecisions§ Listen–openlywithoutjudgmentorinterruption;andtuneintothequietvoices§ Check-in–onassumptions,intentions,andformutualunderstanding§ Seek–feedback;soundandcurrentdata;andnewperspectives

§ Inform–sharetimely,relevantinformation;avoidsurprises;betransparentandtruthful§ Foster–curiosity,open-mindedness,andengageinhealthychallengestoconventionalthinking

InterpersonalDynamicsinfluenceseverythingandeverythingaboveinfluenceshowpeople

interactwithoneanother.Personalitystyle,familybackground,lifeexperiences,culturalupbringing,education,racial,gender,age,andothersocialanddiverseidentitiesallhaveinfluenceonourinterpersonaldynamics.Withtrustissues,wetendtoexperiencetheinterpersonaldynamicsfirst.

§ StrengthenRelationshipsandConnectivity–investtimeandenergyintobuildingothersup;avoidgossipwhicherodesself-esteemandgroupconnectivity

§ Respect–people’suniquecontributions;honordifferingperspectivesandstyles;beinclusiveandwelcoming

§ Invest–inthegrowthanddevelopmentofothers§ Model–highstandards,integrity,andvulnerability§ Acknowledge–mistakes;yourimpactonothers;andapologizetimelyandsincerely

Page 2: New Getting Unstuck: Trust Behaviors & Repair Model MODEL · 2017. 6. 14. · Getting Unstuck: Trust Behaviors & Repair Model MODEL Wendy Fraser, PhD 360-556-6056 WendyFraser@comcast.net

GettingUnstuck:TrustBehaviors&RepairModel MODEL

WendyFraser,[email protected]

Repairingtrustingroupsandorganizations,bridgingunderstanding,andstrengtheningrelationships

Trustmattersbecauseourdailylivesdependontrustingotherswhetherweareconsciousaboutitornot.Purchasingfood,seekinghealthcareadvice,drivingtowork,educatingchildren,banking–almostalldecisionsinvolvetrustingsomeoneelse.Sometimes,groupsexperiencedifficultiesinworkingtogether.Whenthesestemfromtrustissues,itmaycompletelyimpedegroupeffectivenessandproductivity.Inthiscase,youhavechoices.Doyouworkonrepairingit?Whatisthecosttorepairversusnotrepairing?Ifyoustillneedtoworkwiththisgroupof

people,thentrustrepaireffortsbecomenecessary.Thismodelbelowisresearch-basedandhasprovenusefulingroupsandorganizationsworkingontrustrepair.

Page 3: New Getting Unstuck: Trust Behaviors & Repair Model MODEL · 2017. 6. 14. · Getting Unstuck: Trust Behaviors & Repair Model MODEL Wendy Fraser, PhD 360-556-6056 WendyFraser@comcast.net

GettingUnstuck:TrustBehaviors&RepairModel MODEL

WendyFraser,[email protected]

TriggerEvent(s)

Sometimestrustwithinagrouperodesovertimebecauseofaseriesofsmallthings:missingsoftdeadlines,claimingemailswereneverreceived,ordoingsloppyworkknowingthatothersinthegroupwillfixit.Othertimes,trustexplodesoverasingleincident.

Reflect1) Asafirststep,whensomeonefeelstriggeredwithemotionsfromtrustviolations,it’simportanttoreflectontheexperience.Interviewthefeelings:“WhyamIfeelingthisway?”“Whydidthissituationbotherme?”2) Becauseweareoperatinginasystem,allpartsareinter-relatedandinter-connected.Peoplemustfirstconsidertheirowncontributiontothesituation.Everyoneplaysapartin

howthetrustviolation(s)happened–whetherconsciousorunconsciousaboutit.Sofirst,consideryourself.Thenconsiderothersontheteam–whatdidtheydotocontributetothesituation.Then,theremaybeinfluencesfromoutsidetheteamororganizationthataffectedthetrustscenario.

Understand3) Takethetimetofindoutwhathappened.Collectsoundandcurrentdataduringthefactfinding.Sometimes,it’sjustmisunderstandingormiscommunication.Gandhioftentalkedaboutseekingthe“ThirdTruth”whichmeansyoubringyourtruthaboutwhathappenedandI’llbringmine,andtogetherwecreatethethirdtruth.Ashumanbeings,wemissthingsordon’tknowwehadanadverseimpactonsomeoneelse.Thisfactfindingphaseiscriticaltoputtingtogetherasmanyofthepiecesofthepuzzletogetheraspossible.4) Acknowledgeyourpartandacknowledgeifanypainoccurredtotheotherperson(s)ifyoudidsomething.Evenifyoudidn’tmeanit,

acknowledgementmatters.And,ifanapologyisneeded,makeonesincerelyandtimely.

Repair

5) Engageinrepairactivities.Dependingonthesituation,therearemanyapproachestosupportingteamsastheyworkthroughtrustrepair.Remembertoseekfeedbackalongthewaytogaugeprogress.Someteamstake6–36monthstoworkthroughrepairactivities.Bepatient.6) Createagreements.Teamsneedstructureandagreements–bothaboutprocess,rolesandresponsibilities,butalsoabouthowtheyintendtocommunicatetogether,howtheyintendtomakedecisions,who’sinvolvedinthoseandwhen.Butmoreso,agreementsonthehumansidetoo–likegroundrulesortheirownteamengagementbehaviorstheywanttoseeandexperience.

Evolve

7) Movingforwardwithtrustrepairmeansacceptanceandforgiveness,butitalsomeanshonoringnewagreements.Itmeansnotholdingpeoplehostagetomomentsintimebeforewhentheyletyoudown.Wemustletpeoplegrowandevolveandindoingso,weletourselveschangeandgrow.Remembertoappreciatethestepsforwardandnotplaythe“gotcha”gamebywastingenergyoncatchingpeopleslipbackintooldpatterns.Helpredirectthemandthesituation.Usehumor,patience,perseverance,andalittlegrace.

Page 4: New Getting Unstuck: Trust Behaviors & Repair Model MODEL · 2017. 6. 14. · Getting Unstuck: Trust Behaviors & Repair Model MODEL Wendy Fraser, PhD 360-556-6056 WendyFraser@comcast.net

GettingUnstuck:TrustBehaviors&RepairModel MODEL

WendyFraser,[email protected]

TheArtoftheApology(Lewicki,Polin,&Lount,2016)1. Anexpressionofregretfortheoffense…“I’msorry”2. Anexplanationofwhytheoffenseoccurred3. Anacknowledgementofresponsibilityforcausingtheoffense4. Adeclarationof“repentance”thattheviolatorwillnotrepeattheoffense5. Anoffertorepairwhateverdamagemayhavebeencausedbytheoffense6. Arequestforforgivenessforhavingcommittedtheoffense

SettingupyourWorkTeamforSuccess–beforeanyissuessurface1. Createastrongstructuralbase:Usecharters,setclearrolesandresponsibilities,createsupport

systems.2. Acknowledgepastandpresentrealities:Saywhereyouhavemessedupinthepast,howyou

learned,andwhatyouintendtododifferently.3. Beauthenticandtransparentaboutintentions,hopes,andissuesthatmayconcernyou:Beopento

changingyourmind.4. Havefaithandconfidenceinyourpeopleandtheirwork:Communicateoftentoyourteam;

Acknowledgeandappreciatetheirwork;andbeclearaboutyourexpectations.

Suggestionstohandletrustissues–duringthesituation(s)1. Refertotheagreements:Doesanythingneedamending?2. Acknowledgetrustissuesareemerging:Exploreandreflectontherootcauses;talkitthrough;be

willingtoalterapproach;andownyourpartinthesituation.3. Takethetime,havepatience,showempathy,andevenalittlebitofhumorcangoalongway.

Suggestionstohandletrustissues–afterthesituation(s)1. Acknowledgeyourpartandapologizeasnecessary(timelyandsincerely)2. Beintentional,transparentandwillingtoexploreallsides.Seekaneutralspacetodiscuss.3. Strengthenandmodifyagreements–likecharters,roles,responsibilities,anddecisions.4. Reaffirmandcommunicateintentions–createlearningstoriesandsharethemwidelywhile

honoringanyconfidentialagreementsmade.

Notes§ Takethetimetolistenandworkthroughtheissues.Itmaytakeseveralmeetings,weeksormonths.§ Beintentionalandtransparent.Youmustwanttorepairtheissuesandnotjustgothroughthemotions.§ Stickwithit…evenifitfeelsmessyanduncomfortable.Intheend,it’sworthit!