never too much feeling
TRANSCRIPT
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Never too much feelings
ruth lotter
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never too much feelings
ruth lotterVienna 2006
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the best
the best in my life is
that I am with meand no one's allowed to say anything
I feel what I want
I lost my illusions about myself
I laugh at youcause you’re worried about me
I stopped listening to your attemptsto say what to do
I don’t mind your beliefs of
what I should be
I am dancing, laughing, crying just for me
you are so ridiculous with your efforts to say anything
I am with me
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I dare
I dare to liveto see the best, to see the worstand when I am spread in thousand piecesI grow togetheras a new born child
I become richer and more beautifulbraver and stronger
my life allows me to start againlike a small child who never cares what tomorrow brings
everyone I meetis a hug for a new beginningand it doesn’t matter what the day looks like a new day brings new life
and courage for the next step
it tickles melike the sun on my nosethen I sneeze cause I am so surprisedI blow my nose as loud as I canI dare to live
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Where am I
how can I leave something on earth when I don’t exist
be the beginningand the end of the world
no forwardno backward
seeI am back again
too weak for the outside worldmy power comes back
but fate strikes me down again
I am alone just not existing
from time to timeI feel me
it's cold around meand my warmth is just enough for me
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sometimes
sometimes I am so big and so strongno one can do me any harmI can pull up trees withdraw any stormI am so strong
sometimes I am so small and fragilea breath of air is enough
to feel I am not alivelike a flower which is pulled up andfades away
sometimes I feelno questions anymoreand everything is a mysteryit could last for eternity
and be gone yesterday
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what a misery
it could be so easyanyway it’s so hard you knowthat life is sometimes such a misery
you thinkif you try to be smallsoon everything will be over
and you lean backin your easy chair of everyday lifeand you swing forward and backwardit comforts you and it is so finesun shines and everything is perfect
suddenlya thunderstorm comes and lightning strikes
and you thinkit’s like a rusty nail in your kneeand it starts again your misery when will you stop, you stupid misery why can’t you stop you start again and again, your bloody miseryI look at youit is ok, you annoying miseryI listen to youalthough it’s the last thing I want to do.
Could you come tomorrow?or maybe the day after tomorrow?or next week, you silly misery? you’ve come a hundred times you are more stubborn than I have ever been, youdamned misery.
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it’s ok, I know you belong to me, you are just mine you never give up and try the most stupid things for me
let’s sit down on the bench of time and we look into the countryand you tell me stories of my lifeand how you see itand you talk to my heart and my mind and my bellyit tickles and confuses me and I don’t know what
you sit next to me
you sleep with meand a day runs by and a month and a year we became friends in the meanwhile, my misery and Ibut I forgot why I call you misery
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Don’t swallow
oh, yes, I swallowand I don’t mind if you know when you hear what I tell between the linesbecause I tell some fantasiesI was never good in telling stories
But you are the first who listen and hear the swallowthe others didn’t hear
when I opened my mouthand shout out loudand when I cry, they couldn’t stand it. they said, forget itno one was interested in my tears
I was reserved in believing themthat I never opened my mouth
but this isn’t true I was shouting into a dense forestthe word were gone as if they were never said
But I said somethingand I never stopped saying somethinglike a mill which is turning around or evil ghosts werepushing meI couldn’t stop talking it hurtbecause it made no sense
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I cried into my pillows I don’t know that hurt more the things that happened to me orthat I could say whatever I want
and no one heart it.
finally I cut into my fingers, broke my toes and bumpmy headthis was real and I was comforteda fear remainsthat it won’t be heard the next timean unbelievable fear
if I don’t say anything I won’t be disappointed but I dare, again and again I trybecause I am so courageous, unbelievable corageousalthough it isn’t easy.
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woman of souls
woman of souls -can't say what that means for meI feel it very softlydefinitely know you can mix it up with vulnerability
woman of souls -
can't sayhow it can be namedit's shivering in meand makes me unbelievably strongalthough you believepain makes me weak
woman of souls -
can't sayif it's mecause I am still learningto feel not only you as I did beforetoo long I was used living that waynow I know that wasn't right
man of souls -can't say what this means just thinkit's part of all of us we need courage to go forwardthan we dare to see our souls
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what make you believe?
what make you believethat my fragile heart makes me weak? with this fragile heart I can feel mebut also you and all the people I want to feel. with this fragile soul I knowthat others have one too with this fragile life I go forward to youand I know I live.
what make you believethat my open heart makes me weak? with this open heart I allowothers to hurt me. with my open soul I am going to makethat others dare to be more open. with my open life I go forward to you
and I know I live.
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what make you believethat my warm heart makes me weak? with this warm heart I’ll be touched
‘cause I feel the cold of your heart. with my warm soul I dareto be the hot-water-bottle of your souls with my warm heart I go forward to youand I know I live.
what make you believethat my weakness is not my strength?
with this weakness I knowthat you and I tooare fragile. with my weakness I can cryand also laughthat grasses starts to shiver. with my strengthI go forward to youand I know I live.
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last year
last year was so exciting
I was alone. suddenly people came into my life. would you have told methat an end will be the beginning of such a beautyI wouldn’t have had that fear
Last year was so excitingsuddenly I got the courage to think of tomorrow would you have told me
that I am able to do more than workingI wouldn’t have had that fear
Last year was so excitingI stopped expecting something and enjoyed today would you have told methat this is not so difficultI wouldn’t have had that fear
Last year was so exciting you appeared and I didn’t know anything would you have told methat life can be so wonderfulI wouldn’t have had that fear
Last year was so excitingI let the old fear behind me would you have told methat I am able to do thatI wouldn’t have had that fear
Last year was so excitingfinally I can feel again that I am livingand whatever you would have told meI wouldn’t have believed
because it had to be me to see it.
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questions everywhere
can you smell it?things happen in that worldnot only dirt and mud
my helplessness can be stolenI stand here while time is runningfasterand faster
do you still live?are you already dead?or both?or nothing?
how can I answer all your questions when your answers are given
from the very beginning.
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don't be afraid
fear is always a prison.a prison built in the pastlikes to reign us todayfettering us for tomorrow
pain is always a burden.a burden built in the past we don’t like to look at
there will be the answer for tomorrow
with our fear we can find the key for that answer. with our pain we can find the way to the lock. just open it and you’ll get your courage to find a better lifeto change your reaction for today
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deeply hurt
deeply hurtI've loved you the way you areI saw the best, I saw the worstI've loved what you might have beenI took the worst and hoped your heart and my love were able to show youlove is the way for a better worldI've been cheated
deeply hurt you loved the way you want me to be you saw just parts you didn't love what I might have been you couldn't see my different partsI am more than just an image you couldn't see all my sides, it hurts
I've been cheated
deeply hurtI see how different people see methey see more and morerecognizing what I amthey laugh with me and see me cry you couldn't bear my tearsnever discovered my laughter you couldn't understandthat I see only one way which knows bothlaughing and cryingI've been cheated, it hurts
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words
do you remember when I saidthat words mean nothing?
because I need the sound of your voice,the look of your eyesand you when you say something
and nowthe leftoversare words
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what a fear
do you remember the day
your heart was torn in piecesdevil took your heartpulled it in every direction with unbelievable pain
fear came to your lifebut you didn't like itfear was your enemy,
pulling you down your stomach became a peathere was no air
you tried to hideforbad the fearcouldn't forget the pain just forgot that your fearis sitting next to you
you startedto cut your life into piecesto see all you lovethat she can't put away everything and know when it’ll happen again
this fear belongs to you
you said you can't controlblind to see that she's a part of you you can't switch off like a light
now your fear sits next to you watching youfrom time to time you can feelshe's waiting that you understandthat she's your friend, your fear.
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far away from home
you told me you feel like a stranger you've forgot that it is you who is like a stranger
I failed to show you you can be at homebut your loneliness prevents an embrace
in the moment I could feela small safety arise you ran away
your loneliness made me freezemy heart became coldI had to go
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thunderstorm
yesterday I woke updreaming of a night with thunder and lightingthe morning was bright and clearthe sky clean and blue
suddenly I feltI could see with open eyes
what has happened
you stood thereunvarnishedknowing you lost your power you've had for years
now I understand
how strong I wascause I didn't forget who I was in spite of these years
yesterday I woke upand sawthat no one can come againto steal what I am
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Let me tell you
Let me tell you,I met a man.hearts touched.till now, I feel his embrace. with my feelingsWe dreamed to escape,into nowhere land.In this month we were so close
and nevertheless so far.
There was a fearWe couldn't stand together.I feel your fear.to be hurt,to be disappointed.I feel your fear of your nearness.
Let me tell you,I met a man.Exotic.till now, I feel his hands.I didn't say anything to himWe both dreamed something,something unreal.In these hours we were close
and nevertheless so far.
There was a fear we couldn't stand togetherI smell your fear.to be hurt,to be disappointed.I smell your fear of nearness.
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Let me tell you,I met a man.
We thought there is something growing.I can still hear his heartbreak.We talkedand didn't say a word.I dreamed about everythingand slept in peace.In these weeks we were so closeand nevertheless so far.
There was a fear we couldn't stand togetherI remember that fear.fear to be hurt,fear to be disappointed.
I remember my fear to fulfill expectationsI know that fear.
fear can tie up your throat,fear doesn't allow new things.fear belongs to your life.this fear,can be the beginningof a new life.
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oh, love
thinking about love frequentlyignoringlove is everywhere
searchingfor the one and only loveblind for the hundred ways of love
I don't want to arrest my love anymorelove should be around andbe seen with all her faces
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little stars
with every you,something new is coming into your lifethis new thing is a little starthat grows from the horizonand no one can take it awayonly you can forget your new little star.but you are the master of your sky with all the little stars above.
don't forget with every star your sky will be brighter, beautiful, glowing.go out and collect your stars.clean and polish them. be good to your starsand if one will leavea new one will come. always.the old one will leave his remarks in your heart. your heart will be brighter. beautiful. glowing.
don't forget.it's your life that makes you glow.
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I can’t hear any words anymore
if I say something
it will be possiblethat someone will come in daysand saybut you’ve said something days ago
oh, I know my clinging to words you’ve said days ago but they were only words after days
but when I feel somethingI know that’s true in that very moment I feel it
I fear the moment when words cling to meunchangeable like a mountain
till half of the mountain slides awayand me in the middle of it
so I don’t say nothing I touch you, I feel you, oh, I can smell youthis is the truth I can bear now
now I am noticing that I get used to you,I want to share the air that you breathbecause it’s so wonderful
I fear I am surfing on a wavethat pulls me downthere’s no air I can breathe anymore
but I learnt somethingI won’t forget anymore
I can surf on this wave and stay above
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you
you tell me stories and I am listeningthere are stories of laughter and I look into your facefeeling different stories of yours
you look at me and your eyes are askingas I read in your eyes and your handsfeeling different stories of yours
despite the questions I feel you are so closeI don't understand why I trust you so muchtouched by other stories of yours
you lie next to meI can't stop my hands touching youand my hands tell me stories of yours
I don't know what you've made with me
I know you make me laughI see my fear
anyway you are the first who come closeafter eternities
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thingamajig
the thingamajig with youis the best that could happen to meI couldn't stand anything as a thingamajigI would have to run away if it was something differentI don't know what this thingamajig isbut I know is it let me breath
long ago there was a bang
that struck like lightning and covered me like aavalanchethis bang nearly killed and chocked meimagining a nightmareplaying ball with my bellynot knowing how to breathe
the thingamajig with you
let me forget tomorrow cause it happens todaydon't wait for tomorrowand if it comes I will be happythe art of falling into illusions is forgotteninstead of a bang a thingamajig is herethe day after tomorrow the breathing continues
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feeling you
I don't know why I know what you needeven when you're not here
I don't know why I know that a step backis a step towards you
I don't know why I knowthat I could cry with you
I don't know why I knowthat our hearts touch
I don't knowif what I knowit's not just castles up in the sky
I don't knowif what I knowa stranger standing in front of me
I don't knowif what I knowis a fear appearing suddenly
I don't knowif who I knowis you.
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simply said
confusing you?don't think about itI confuse myself all day longbut I am used to it and you're not
if I say somethingit’s said for now only for now
it's no proclamation for eternity
can't promise anythingcause I have no ideahow it’ll be tomorrow and what’ll be said
if I look back
my reactions always differthere’s no pattern which says this will be the result
that's how I am
I only know you are not the only one who takes the riskbut without risk I can't come close without risk there is no love without risk we are dead
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excitement
it's not restlessnessit's excitementgoing through me when you lie next to me
shiver runsdown my backover my behind to the tips of my toes
so I lieand don't know howbecause it is so beautiful
and my body heats itself from inside out and the other way roundand it's so hot I have to keep distance
sleep can't catch me now
that's the restlessness you're talking aboutmy body is shakingforgetting what it is
but yesterday peace came over me when I lay next to youand your breath showed methat you've fallen asleep
Inside, deepthere was this peace which let me sleep
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if I could do what I want
I could sit for hours and watchhow you do something
I could sit for days and watchhow you talk to people
I could sit for weeks and watchhow you sleep
I could sit all my life and be gladthat you are alive
I want to sit for hours and feel what you are doing
I want to sit for days and feel
what you talk to people
I want to sit for weeks and feel what you dream
I want to sit all my life and be gladthat you are alive
so I sit here and I am happy
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embrace
just recently I caught myself with the question what's more beautiful
you lay in my armscompletely silent,breathing deeplyhumming softly
when my fingertips run over your face
or I lay in yoursand my hair is arisenevery part is affected by youlike a lightning going through me
or you lay in my lap
as it would be foreverI look into your faceand don't know anything more
than I am happybecause I don’t have any answers to any questions
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I am not thinking anymore
looking to the moon yesterdayI stopped thinkingcan’t see you next week, won’t see your smile, stopped thinkingI got used to you.
feeling the sunshine on my skin today,
I definitely knowI am a blessed childand dance through my life.I definitely knowhow much love I get.
seeing the morning star rise five hours agoI certainly believe
yesterday is goneand tomorrow will come.I certainly believeour world is turning around
suddenly I tumble to the Milky WayI am happy nowbecause I met youand I’ll see you again. I am happy now you became part of my life.
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kiss
morning dawn your lips longing to minetaste the sweetnesscan't stopnever forget just lipsdon't dare moredon't bare more
just a kiss
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one moment
looking in your eyes more than one secondmake me drunken of the wide wild seatouching your lips more than one secondmakes me fly around the worldmeeting you more than oncemake me unable to forget you in eternityseeing you for the first timelet me forget the time before
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reduced to survive
blind to see the love I feeldeaf to hear the love I needsweet and bitter taste the love I understand
I try to be smallto need not muchreduced to survive
to feel what I feeldon’t know what it is so new and very very
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for now and ever ...................................................................... 5
the best ..................................................................................... 6
I dare ........................................................................................ 7Where am I ............................................................................... 8
sometimes................................................................................. 9
what a misery ......................................................................... 10
Don’t swallow ........................................................................ 12
woman of souls ...................................................................... 14
what make you believe? ......................................................... 15
last year .................................................................................. 17
questions everywhere ............................................................. 18
don't be afraid ......................................................................... 19
deeply hurt.............................................................................. 20
words ...................................................................................... 21
what a fear .............................................................................. 22
far away from home ............................................................... 23
thunderstorm .......................................................................... 24
Let me tell you ....................................................................... 25oh, love ................................................................................... 27
little stars ................................................................................ 28
I can’t hear any words anymore ............................................. 29
you .......................................................................................... 30
you .......................................................................................... 30
thingamajig............................................................................. 31
feeling you.............................................................................. 32
simply said ............................................................................. 33excitement .............................................................................. 34
if I could do what I want ........................................................ 35
embrace .................................................................................. 36
I am not thinking anymore ..................................................... 37
kiss ......................................................................................... 38
one moment ............................................................................ 39
reduced to survive .................................................................. 40
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