Negotiation skills: using an NLP approach

Hugh RussellHugh Russellwww.e-russell.comwww.e-russell.com

hugh@e-russell.comhugh@e-russell.com

22ndnd April 2008 April 2008

Hugh Russell

“passionate sometimes twisted”

Hugh Russell

“passionate sometimes twisted”

Change the gameChange the game

Principled Negotiation.Principled Negotiation.

Established and developed at Established and developed at Harvard University.Harvard University.

Recommended reading:”Getting to Recommended reading:”Getting to Yes” Roger Fisher & William Ury.Yes” Roger Fisher & William Ury.

The workshopThe workshop

The workshop introduces you to The workshop introduces you to Principled negotiation: 4 elementsPrincipled negotiation: 4 elements The NLP presuppositions of effective The NLP presuppositions of effective

negotiationnegotiation The planning and process of negotiation.The planning and process of negotiation. The tactics of negotiation using an NLP The tactics of negotiation using an NLP

approach. approach. Using Milton and Meta model language Using Milton and Meta model language

patterns during negotiation.patterns during negotiation.

“ I wouldn’t dream of telling you to stick to principled negotiation all the time & there’s no way I would suggest that you can change easily so I promise everything I say you will want to hear which means you can let down your guard and relax as you let me help you achieve your goals

Your outcomeYour outcome

What specifically do you want? What specifically do you want? Where are you now? Where are you now? What will you see, hear & feel when you have What will you see, hear & feel when you have

it?it? How will you know when you have it? How will you know when you have it? What will this outcome get for you or allow you What will this outcome get for you or allow you

to do?to do? Is it only for you?Is it only for you? Is it ecological? For what purpose do you want Is it ecological? For what purpose do you want

this?this?

Presuppositions:Presuppositions: convenient convenient assumptions we can choose to accept when assumptions we can choose to accept when we negotiate with others.we negotiate with others. I would like you to read the I would like you to read the

presuppositions and decide if you presuppositions and decide if you agree it would be a convenient agree it would be a convenient assumption to believe during a assumption to believe during a negotiation. How would accepting, or negotiation. How would accepting, or not accepting the presupposition not accepting the presupposition impact on your thinking and the impact on your thinking and the behaviour you might choose to display behaviour you might choose to display when you negotiate with others?when you negotiate with others?

Negotiation SkillsNegotiation Skills

Outcome judged on 3 criteria:Outcome judged on 3 criteria:

1. Is it a wise agreement?1. Is it a wise agreement?

2. Is it efficient?2. Is it efficient?

3. Does it damage the relationship?3. Does it damage the relationship?

Wise AgreementsWise Agreements

Defined as one which meets the Defined as one which meets the legitimate interests of each side to legitimate interests of each side to the extent possible, resolves the extent possible, resolves conflicting interests fairly, is durable conflicting interests fairly, is durable and takes community interests into and takes community interests into account.account.

Principled NegotiationPrincipled Negotiation

4 basic elements:4 basic elements: Separate the people from the Separate the people from the

problem.problem. Focus on interests not positions.Focus on interests not positions. Invent options for mutual gain.Invent options for mutual gain. Insist on objective criteria.Insist on objective criteria.

3 categories of people 3 categories of people problemproblem Perception: Perception:

their maptheir map Emotion: their Emotion: their

statestate CommunicatioCommunicatio

n: their n: their structurestructure

Planning a negotiationPlanning a negotiation

Determine your outcomeDetermine your outcome Develop as many options as possible to Develop as many options as possible to

achieve that outcome & possible areas achieve that outcome & possible areas of agreement.of agreement.

Identify their outcome & interests.Identify their outcome & interests. Identify issues to be resolved & develop Identify issues to be resolved & develop

external standards to judge options.external standards to judge options. Determine your best alternative to an Determine your best alternative to an

agreement - BATNAagreement - BATNA

The process: OpeningThe process: Opening

1.1. Establish rapportEstablish rapport

2.2. Get consensus there is a basis for Get consensus there is a basis for negotiationnegotiation

3.3. Establish the other person’s Establish the other person’s outcome through the “as if” frame.outcome through the “as if” frame.

4.4. Get into a resourceful state – anchor Get into a resourceful state – anchor the statethe state

RapportRapport

Rapport is the process of building Rapport is the process of building and sustaining a relationship of and sustaining a relationship of mutual trust, harmony and mutual trust, harmony and understanding. This happens through understanding. This happens through matching the accessing cues from matching the accessing cues from words, eye movements and body words, eye movements and body language. language.

Establish Rapport by…Establish Rapport by…

Matching & mirroring the other Matching & mirroring the other personperson• Physical mirroring/Body posturePhysical mirroring/Body posture• VoiceVoice• BreathingBreathing• BlinkingBlinking

Visual, Auditory & Visual, Auditory & KinaestheticKinaesthetic Match the modality the person is Match the modality the person is

in- VAK – use the predicates and in- VAK – use the predicates and predicate phrases of each of the predicate phrases of each of the representational systems.representational systems.

Auditory Auditory

If I could If I could TELL TELL you a way in which you a way in which we could (potential benefit or their we could (potential benefit or their values), you would at least want to values), you would at least want to HEARHEAR about it, wouldn't you? about it, wouldn't you?

So if this So if this SOUNDS GOODSOUNDS GOOD we can go we can go ahead and ahead and DISCUSSDISCUSS how to do it. how to do it. Can’t we?Can’t we?

VisualVisual

If I could If I could SHOWSHOW you a you a CLEARCLEAR way way in which we could (potential benefit in which we could (potential benefit or their values), you would at least or their values), you would at least want to want to LOOK LOOK at it, wouldn't you?at it, wouldn't you?

So if this So if this LOOKS GOODLOOKS GOOD to you we to you we can go ahead and can go ahead and FOCUSFOCUS on how to on how to do it. Can’t we?do it. Can’t we?

Kinaesthetic?Kinaesthetic?

If I could help you If I could help you GET A HOLD OFGET A HOLD OF a a CONCRETECONCRETE way in which we could way in which we could (potential benefit or their values), you would (potential benefit or their values), you would at least want to at least want to GET A FEEL GET A FEEL for itfor it , , wouldn't you?wouldn't you?

If this If this FEELS SOLID FEELS SOLID to you we can go to you we can go ahead and ahead and FIRM UPFIRM UP on how to do it. Can’t on how to do it. Can’t we?we?

Auditory DigitalAuditory Digital

This person talks to themselves. They will This person talks to themselves. They will want to know if your proposals make sense. want to know if your proposals make sense. They memorise by steps, procedures, They memorise by steps, procedures, sequences – they also exhibit sequences – they also exhibit characteristics of other rep systems.characteristics of other rep systems.

Use the following words: sense, experience, Use the following words: sense, experience, understand, think, learn, process, decide, understand, think, learn, process, decide, motivate, change, consider, perceive, motivate, change, consider, perceive, distinct, conceive and know. distinct, conceive and know.

The process: ExchangeThe process: Exchange

1.1. State areas of agreementState areas of agreement2.2. Anchor every state you can use later – e g Anchor every state you can use later – e g

words & gestures of others.words & gestures of others.3.3. State issues to be resolvedState issues to be resolved4.4. Probe for others outcomes in areas of Probe for others outcomes in areas of

disagreementdisagreement5.5. Develop options that include both parties Develop options that include both parties

outcomes – remember shared interests, ask outcomes – remember shared interests, ask for preference among options, emphasise for preference among options, emphasise objective standardsobjective standards

6.6. Get agreement on best option – close, Get agreement on best option – close, summarise & agree next step.summarise & agree next step.

TacticsTactics

1.1. Do not respond to a proposal with a counter Do not respond to a proposal with a counter proposal – restate, validate, clarify & probeproposal – restate, validate, clarify & probe

2.2. Avoid attack/defence exchanges – always Avoid attack/defence exchanges – always probe for outcome behind attack.probe for outcome behind attack.

3.3. Avoid value judgements e g “ That is Avoid value judgements e g “ That is ridiculous” ridiculous”

4.4. Label suggestions & questions e g “ Let me Label suggestions & questions e g “ Let me offer a suggestion..”offer a suggestion..”

5.5. Use “I” languageUse “I” language6.6. State: reason, explanation then proposal not State: reason, explanation then proposal not

reversereverse7.7. Accumulate “Yesses” and anchor themAccumulate “Yesses” and anchor them

TacticsTactics

Minimize the reasons you give when Minimize the reasons you give when stating a proposalstating a proposal

Test understanding & summarise – “So Test understanding & summarise – “So you think..”you think..”

Tell the other your feelings if necessaryTell the other your feelings if necessary Use what & how questions rather than Use what & how questions rather than

why questionswhy questions Use conditional close _ “So if I did Use conditional close _ “So if I did

this would you do this.”this would you do this.”

Frames: Using languageFrames: Using language

Negotiation frame – “What can we both agree on”Negotiation frame – “What can we both agree on” Use agreement frame –”I appreciate and” “I Use agreement frame –”I appreciate and” “I

respect and…”respect and…” Use the purpose frame- “ For what purpose..”Use the purpose frame- “ For what purpose..” Use the “What if frame..”_ “What would happen Use the “What if frame..”_ “What would happen

if…”if…” Contrast frame – “How is this different?”Contrast frame – “How is this different?” Backtrack frame – “So you are saying” “ Can I Backtrack frame – “So you are saying” “ Can I

summarise” summarise” Use “as if” frame for creative problem solving – Use “as if” frame for creative problem solving –

“What would it be like if..?” “ Can we suppose “What would it be like if..?” “ Can we suppose that”.that”.

Ecology frame – “How will this be over the long Ecology frame – “How will this be over the long term?” “Who else is affected?”term?” “Who else is affected?”

ChunkingChunking

Chunking up means moving from the Chunking up means moving from the specific to the general eg “What is specific to the general eg “What is the intention behind this behaviour?”the intention behind this behaviour?”

Chunking down moves from the Chunking down moves from the general to the specific. e g “What general to the specific. e g “What other behaviour would also satisfy other behaviour would also satisfy this intention?” this intention?”

Key to negotiationKey to negotiation

You chunk up from the specifics of the You chunk up from the specifics of the disagreement to something you can disagreement to something you can both agree on. Unless you can find a both agree on. Unless you can find a shared area of agreement the shared area of agreement the negotiation is doomed.negotiation is doomed.

Once you have that shared area of Once you have that shared area of agreement you chunk down to smaller agreement you chunk down to smaller issues in the light of that common issues in the light of that common agreement.agreement.

Chunking up and downChunking up and down

To chunk up ask “For what purpose?” “What is To chunk up ask “For what purpose?” “What is your intention?” “What is this an example of?”your intention?” “What is this an example of?”““If you got that outcome, what will that get for If you got that outcome, what will that get for you?” Chunking up will help you get you?” Chunking up will help you get agreement.agreement.

To chunk down ask “What specifically To chunk down ask “What specifically do you do you wantwant?” “How specifically?” Any question that ?” “How specifically?” Any question that gets someone to be more specific. E g “They gets someone to be more specific. E g “They will never accept this” What prevents them will never accept this” What prevents them from accepting this?” Only chunk down as from accepting this?” Only chunk down as quickly as you can maintain agreement. quickly as you can maintain agreement.

A “nit picker” chunks down, down , down then A “nit picker” chunks down, down , down then mismatches. Try to keep them chunking up.mismatches. Try to keep them chunking up.

Using Language PatternsUsing Language Patterns

Milton Model: Milton Model: Using Hypnotic Using Hypnotic language patterns language patterns that speak directly that speak directly to the person’s to the person’s unconscious. unconscious.

Work of Milton Work of Milton EricksonErickson

Meta Model: Using Meta Model: Using specific language/ specific language/ questions to questions to recover deletions, recover deletions, distortions & distortions & generalisations. generalisations.

Work of Virginia Work of Virginia SatirSatir

Distortions – Meta model

Response. “How do you know I don’t want an agreement?” “ What outcome do you want?”

“Who says its bad?” Specifically how is it bad?”

“How specifically” “How does what I’m doing cause you to choose to feel angry?”

“How does her complaining mean that it won’t work…”

Mind Reading. Claiming to know someone’s internal state. eg “You don’t want an agreement”

Lost Performative. Value judgements where the person doing the judging is left out. eg “Its a bad thing to change your mind”

Cause – effect: Where the cause is put wrongly outside of self. Eg “You make me angry”

Complex equivalence. Where two experiences are interpreted as being synonymous. E g “ she always complains, it won’t work.”

Deletions – Meta model

Response. “Specifically who’s not communicating what to whom?” “How would you like to communicate?”

“How specifically?”

“About what/whom?”

“Who specifically does what they want?” “ What do they want?”

“Better in what way?” “Compared to what?”

Nominalisations. Process words which have been frozen in time, making them nouns. Eg “There is no communication here”

Unspecified verbs. Eg “ This is nonesense”

a. Simple deletion eg “I am uncomfortable”

b. Lack of referential index. Fails to specify person or thing. Eg” They will do what they want”

c. Comparative deletion as in good, better, best, worst, more, less eg “This is a better option”

Generalisations– Meta model

Response Find counter examples “No One?” “What would happen if they didn’t find fault?”

“What would happen if you didn’t?” Also “Or?” “What outcome does this option get for you?”

“What prevents you?” “What would happen if you did?”

Universal Quantifiers. Generalisations such as all, every, always, never, everyone, no one etc. e g “No one’s interested” “They always find fault”

Modal operators of necessity as in should, shouldn’t, must, must not, have to, need to eg “ I have to take/get this option”

Modal operators of Possibility (or impossibility) as in can/can’t, will/won’t, may/may not, possible/impossible eg “ I can’t accept this offer”

Milton Model – hypnotic languageMilton Model – hypnotic languageMilton Model – hypnotic languageMilton Model – hypnotic language

Mind ReadingMind Reading.. Claiming to know Claiming to know someone’s internal state.someone’s internal state.

Lost PerformativeLost Performative. Value . Value judgements where the performer judgements where the performer of the value judgement is left out. of the value judgement is left out.

Cause – effectCause – effect: Where it is : Where it is implied that one thing causes implied that one thing causes anotheranother

Complex equivalenceComplex equivalence. Where . Where two things are equated, as in their two things are equated, as in their meanings being equivalent meanings being equivalent

Pace current experience.Pace current experience. Where Where the clients verifiable external the clients verifiable external experience is described in a way experience is described in a way which is undeniable.which is undeniable.

Utilisation.Utilisation. Utilise all that Utilise all that happens or is saidhappens or is said

“I know your curiosity is growing by the second”

“ And it’s ok to be concerned & want to feel satisfied”

“ As you sit here and relax….then I’m sure you will see/hear/feel…. ”

“Thank you for listening to me and

opening your mind to new possibilities…”

“ You are sitting here, listening to me, looking at me and I can see/feel/sense we’re close to agreement”

“I’m not sold” “That’s right you are not sold, yet, because you need more questions answered before you’re sold”

Milton Model – hypnotic languageMilton Model – hypnotic languageMilton Model – hypnotic languageMilton Model – hypnotic language

Unspecified verbs/Tag question designed to displace resistance

Double bind. Where the client is given two choices both of which are desirable separated by an “or”

Embedded commands. Sandwiching commands in the middle of a conversation to bypass the conscious mind & speak directly to the unconscious mind.

““And you can” “ Can you not”

“Do you want to start your homework now or in 10 minutes”

“ I wouldn’t dream of telling you to stick to principled negotiation & there’s no way I would suggest that you can change easily so I promise everything I say you will want to hear which means you can let down your guard and relax as you let me help you achieve your goal

SummarySummary

Preparation.Preparation. Appropriate opening to set the tone.Appropriate opening to set the tone. Exploration of each party’s interests.Exploration of each party’s interests. Creative development of alternatives.Creative development of alternatives. Objective criteria to evaluate agreements.Objective criteria to evaluate agreements. Conscious use of languageConscious use of language Appropriate closing to define the Appropriate closing to define the

agreement. agreement.

Example of Milton Model Example of Milton Model LanguageLanguage““I know by now you are wondering...and it’s a good I know by now you are wondering...and it’s a good

thing to wonder...because that means… You are thing to wonder...because that means… You are learning many things today...and all the things, all the learning many things today...and all the things, all the things...that you learn provide you with new insights things...that you learn provide you with new insights and new understandings. And you can, can you not? and new understandings. And you can, can you not? You are sitting here, listening to me, looking at me and You are sitting here, listening to me, looking at me and that means your unconscious mind is also here and that means your unconscious mind is also here and can hear what I say. And since that’s the case, you are can hear what I say. And since that’s the case, you are probably learning about this and already know more at probably learning about this and already know more at an unconscious level than you think you do and its not an unconscious level than you think you do and its not right for me to tell you, learn this or learn that, learn right for me to tell you, learn this or learn that, learn in any way you want, in any order. Do you feel this.. is in any way you want, in any order. Do you feel this.. is something you understand? I’m sure you do, don’t you. something you understand? I’m sure you do, don’t you.