navigating acim

NAVIGATING A COURSE IN MIRACLES

Jason Lawrence23 March 2007

[email protected]

Navigating A COURSE IN MIRACLES

FOREWORD

The following is a personal account of my walk along a path toward understanding A COURSE IN MIRACLES (ACIM)1. It comes at the end of my journey through the 365 Lesson Workbook and many companion texts, some referenced here, relating the story of who, what, when, where, why, and how. My intent is to summarize my experience for myself as something of a “final paper” that might be submitted at the end of a formal academic exploration. Since my Teacher does not recognize form and cares only for content, I submit this treatise to other forms (bodies—people), which share my experience of this world, for evaluation. I make no claim to perfection or even accuracy. In fact, everything contained might be a lie. I believe the Buddha, in his most famous incarnation, would agree that it is up to each individual to test these principles out on his or her own. Just as depending on other people to choose our clothes or careers leads to a denial of Self, choosing our right mind cannot be done for us if we are to know again that same Self. Similarly, in keeping with the Buddhist teachings of “do your best” I can confidently say that I have done my best to represent my experience as accurately as I can.

This journey with ACIM began for me just after I was placed on a Temporary Disability Retirement List with an Honorable Discharge from the U.S. Air Force where I served as an attack pilot. On 18 July 2004, I was released from a psychiatric ward in which I had spent several months following statements of intent counter to supporting the “kill and destroy” mission I felt obliged to endorse previously. On 30 July 2004, I was temporarily retired for what the DSM IV would call under 297.1: “Delusion Disorder.” This was the truest statement the military ever made about my condition of walking this earth. Why? To me, to be delusional means to believe in illusions and assign value to them. If the Course, like the popular movie The Matrix, will have me believe I exist within an illusion, of course I must be delusional. It was shortly after my transition from psychiatric care to the “civilian world” that I was first introduced to ACIM. Skeptically, I gave a cursory look at its contents when an acquaintance of my mother’s loaned me her copy. The shear bulk and dense language were a quick turnoff. It wasn’t until several months later, when I was searching for another book at a local bookstore, that the Course again crossed my path. This time I nearly dropped it on my foot. Having bent the corner of the cover in front of the store clerk, I bought what I thought was a mistake. Needless to say, after reading this account, you will see my perception has changed. My hope is that this 33-page description, intentionally concise yet thorough, will be enough to help those on the fence to decide if this path is right for them. For me, applying the principles found in ACIM is helping to wake me up from this delusion and release my habituated pattern of attack. If it can bring a delusional attack pilot back to the folds of peace and happiness, perhaps it can help others. My only motivation is to serve the Spirit of Wholeness that is restoring me to sanity. We have nothing to lose and everything to gain by considering Its help and comfort. With that, I hope you find something of value in the following description. If not, bless you on your journey; we shall be together again soon.

1 A COURSE IN MIRACLES is a teaching device that came to the world through the collaborative dictation and revision efforts of psychologists Helen Schucman and William Thetford in New York City (see preface written in 1977 for more).

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23 April 2006Ken Wapnick WorkshopThe Magic Flute of Forgiveness

I drove past Temecula, latest home to the Foundation for A COURSE IN MIRACLES, a couple of days ago while on a road trip to San Diego with a friend. I briefly reviewed the map depicting the location of the Foundation on the back of an old “The Lighthouse,” a quarterly publication mailed free of charge to anyone on the mailing list. This not-for-profit organization was established in 1983 “to help students of A COURSE IN MIRACLES through workshops, courses, books, and audio and video tapes.” I was intent on attending a workshop with Kenneth Wapnick, Ph.D. at this location from the time a fellow student in Boulder introduced me to the idea of a similar “Hajj” some months before. I finally made it out. As my travel partner Joe and I traveled south on I-15 toward Rainbow Valley I made a call to register for the workshop being held on 23 April on my cell phone. When I returned to T-town from San Diego a few days later, alone, my journey was guided well by the Spirit. The morning of this particular gathering I thought I forgot the aforementioned map (I would later find it stuck between my seat and console). Fortunately, with The World’s Greatest Navigation Guide as my co-pilot, I didn’t get lost. How could I? Exiting the highway at Winchester, I was reminded of the fighter lingo brevity term meaning “out of ordinance.” Stating “Winchester” was a way to express to our flight members that we had better head out of Dodge with our empty guns and bomb racks. It must have something to do with Winchester repeating rifles. I suppose I was reminded of this as a symbol of my progressive farewell to arms since leaving the military just over a year ago. Passing back over the interstate, the next intersection I met was Jefferson, reminding me of our late president. Thomas Jefferson had an astute understanding of the teachings of Jesus Christ. He whittled the unnecessary bulk of the New and Old Testaments down to 46 pages. According to the ascended masters portrayed in The Disappearance of the Universe by Gary Renard (henceforth to be referred to as D.U. in keeping with military efficiency, accuracy, and acronymity):

ARTEN: Thomas Jefferson, considered to be the greatest thinker among your forefathers and the author of your Declaration of Independence, was also an expert on scripture. Over the years of his life he edited the Bible in order to make his own personal Bible. Of course he couldn’t make it available to the public at that time without being accused of terrible things, but it will be made available soon for those who want to see it.

To summarize, he left out the old scripture—what you call the Old Testament—completely. He didn’t leave in anything about J[esus] being God in the flesh. He didn’t retain anything about J performing physical miracles. He left out almost 200 pages of the New Testament, leaving only 46. But he kept in everything about forgiveness and healing and how you think. If the conservatives in your country want to dismiss A Course in Miracles as being too radical, perhaps they should listen to the visionary genius behind your nation’s roots, rather than wasting their time blindly defending the corporate-owned mockery of democracy it has become.

GARY: So Thomas Jefferson was able to cut through the religious and dualistic bullshit and get to what’s important. At the same time, I should remember that a lot of people

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need the bullshit until they’re ready to give up the unnecessary stuff and cut to the chase. There’s not really any sense in putting them down or trying to take the ideas they need away from them (pgs. 218-219).

At Jefferson, I symbolically chose my right mind with a right turn…heading north now. About two or three calm breaths later, I saw “Buecking” to my right; which, I think, is pronounced like “puking.” The Foundation was immediately ahead and to the left…a stone’s throw from the freeway. I know you’ll forgive the ridiculous connections I made in sharing my navigation. I was traveling with acute intentionality and awareness. I also know that this illustration will likely stick with you such that you can’t miss the place should you decide to make the Hajj yourself…to recap: I-15 out of San Diego, empty guns on the bridge at Winchester, choose a right minded President Jefferson, breathe, smile, breathe…to keep from “Puecking” to your right. You can’t miss it…unless your eyes are closed.

I arrived early, probably because I left early. I didn’t want to miss anything. I arrived at the Institute for the Teaching of Inner Peace before 08:00 (that’s 8 Of the Clock—O’clock—for non-militant or non-Euro types). With the Holy Spirit (or H.S.), I began reorganizing the cables and wires in my computer case that had managed to mangle themselves into a Gorgon Medusa wig of black cords. This seemed like a worthwhile endeavor given the time I had to wait. I first noticed movement inside the building due to pressure flexing of the exterior glass doors around 08:24. Someone must have entered the building from a side or back door. Several minutes later I witnessed a staffer bring trash to the dumpster…this kind woman invited me in to make myself comfortable. I think it might have been Gloria…Ken Wapnick’s wife. “There’s no point to you staying in your van….” “Van” did she say? Yes, van. But I was in a Tacoma pickup truck. I did own a conversion van just last year…hmmm. I let this bizarre exchange slide. Perhaps I had heard her incorrectly. I went inside, asked permission to take computer notes, and perused the bookstore for what I might buy later. The bookstore wasn’t to open until 09:30, workshop go time at 10:00. So many choices in that store!

The institute impressed me as integral from entry to bookstore. Even though the bookstore wouldn’t officially open for another 45 minutes, I received a welcome invitation to leave my stakeout post in my pickup truck to make myself comfortable inside. I felt as though it was a stakeout because I looked on this building and the people within with great criticism…a perspective not in keeping with Course principles. This was the moment of truth as it were. I have been studying the Text, Workbook, Manual and peripheral documents about the Course for just over a year. I was just beginning to take a place of being able to say, “yep, this is for me,” or “nope, this stuff is for the birds…next path please.” I have been a spiritual philanderer, or shopper if you will, since I moved to Korea following formal weapons training in the A-10 in Tucson, AZ. Throughout my short experience in this body, I have encountered many paths, principles, and precepts that all in one way or another fell short of my rigorous inspection. My expectation was that the Course and its proponents would demonstrate the same unsuitability that every other path thus far had. I had already been compelled to study the ancient Jewish rendition of Truth through the Old Testament, Torah, Pentateuch, Kaballah, yadah yadah…I read texts from Hare Krishna’s, The Dalai Lama, Jehovah’s

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Witnesses, Latter Day Saints (I nearly got baptized in the LDS church having worked with many Saints and talked with many missionaries at length), Shamanic leaders and Medicine Healers (I found Black Elk Speaks to be insightful), philosophers, and puppets. None of these sources resonated with me in the way that the message and story of ACIM had in the last several months. I was falling in love with these teachings and more importantly the Teacher, having accepted His guidance to lead me to Salvation. Wow, that sounds preachy. Let me re-state: …having chosen a symbol of my right-mind to help me see the world in a more peaceful, loving, happy way.

My spiritual commitment to Christ and His teachings was made following a transformational sweat lodge in the high Utah Mountains at a Gathering of wilderness guides. This cleansing ritual awoke in me the desire to commit to a path of love and light and to use this body to share the same message. I made this commitment publicly at a church in my hometown of Boulder, CO when I felt guided by the Spirit to be baptized at Cornerstone church on 11 September 2005. I was dunked in a hot tub fully clothed. The Jewish pastor there will periodically invite the congregation to demonstrate the commitment of their walk with Christ by “taking the plunge.” What a joyful experience. Even though the leadership at Cornerstone doesn’t lend any credibility to the Course and its Teacher, I feel a resonance with the open minds of the people that attend. So, I guess the point of this whole explanation is to illustrate a path that I feared would end in a disillusioned fracture of integrity. I was simply waiting for the honeymoon to end and see the farce that the Course truly represented through its cult following housed in this building.

This building represented something of A Holy Temple of A Course in Miracles, and I wondered what Y’shua (Jesus’ real name or J to some) would think. It was made clear to me that access was always open (as long as the doors were unlocked of course). J would certainly approve of that! As I sat in the back of the lecture hall, filled with lines of randomly placed grey/blue and purple chairs, I couldn’t help but notice that mine was perhaps the youngest form in attendance. I know that the Course does not exclude youngsters, but perhaps retired life allows more time for spiritual pursuits? Who cares about age? Ken Wapnick has the body of an old sage with the spirit of a child. Finally, here I was; face-to-face for the first time…I just met the man described in D.U.:

GARY: And the other original members of the Foundation for Inner Peace, the ones who joined with Helen and Bill and made the Course available to the world. You had Ken Wapnick, who was the next one to come on the scene and worked with Helen and Bill for a couple of years before the Course was published. He took on the job with Helen of organizing the Course into sections with chapter titles, using the right capitalization and punctuation. And Judy Skutch, who took the Course from Helen, Bill, and Ken’s hands out to all her friends and associates in the field of new thought….

PURSAH: …Judy and Bob were absolutely indispensable in their roles of bringing the Course to the world. Ken was identified to the group by J as the one who would be responsible for teaching people what the Course means. He became very close to Helen. Today, whenever the Course is translated into a foreign language, it’s Ken’s job to make sure that the translator truly understands every single line of the almost 1,300 pages. That doesn’t mean that Ken is the only teacher of the Course, but he will be viewed in the

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future as the greatest one. He’s the one whom students and scholars will still be reading hundreds, even thousands of years from now. And you, bright student, will have the opportunity to learn from him in this lifetime if you choose to [italics mine] (pgs. 94-95).

He’ll be read hundreds and even thousands of years from now? That’s a bold claim! Throughout D.U., Gary speaks of Ken’s past connections to the Founding Parents of A Course in Miracles, his present ministry of its teachings, and his future impact on other students:

…I took a few hours…to listen to the tapes by Ken Wapnick that I had borrowed from my study group facilitator. At first I wasn’t enthralled by Ken’s style, which was very much like that of a college professor. After all, Ken was a scholar. As I continued listening, I realized that when it came to explaining the advanced metaphysical principles of the Course—as well as the everyday, practical applications of it—Ken was extremely helpful (pg. 154).

From Chapter 13, “True Prayer and Abundance,” in Gary’s book:

For the previous five years, ever since my study group facilitator had handed me some tapes by Ken Wapnick, I had occasionally listened to Ken’s teachings. I didn’t really like to read, and these cassette tapes were especially helpful to me in my understanding and application of the Course. Although it would be possible for me to study the Course on my own, I liked having help, and I knew I wanted very much to do a workshop with Ken in person….

….During the three days we spent in Roscoe, I got to meet Ken and chat with him a couple of times in the lunchroom. Two of the things that surprised me the most were his easygoing manner and excellent sense of humor—things that didn’t always seem as evident on his cassette tapes….

….A couple of years later, in June 2000, I would go to Roscoe and do a second workshop with Ken. This time I’d be surprised to find out that the Foundation was leaving Roscoe and moving 3,000 miles away to the city of Temecula in southern California. Although a little disappointed at first, I was sure Ken and his wife Gloria knew what they were doing and were being guided by Jesus—and I also knew that California was the Mecca of open-minded spirituality. I hoped I’d get to go visit the Foundation out west someday, but I’d always be thankful for the workshops in Roscoe and the chance to meet Ken (pgs. 345-346).

Perhaps you can understand now why I might be interested in meeting this man for myself. I’m not one to pass up an opportunity to learn something better, especially from a founding father as it were…not one to pass up an opportunity often anyway . I still delay.

My impressions mimic Gary’s. Ken met me with a warm smile and certain recognition; “Jason, I’d recognize you anywhere…especially with that nametag.” His whit was sharp and funny. I asked him for permission to record notes of the workshop on my laptop as the previous request fell on a woman who deferred me to Ken…the standard “runaround” I initially judged. He responded in the affirmative. Of course I wanted to

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take notes in order to get as much as I could out of the program. You’ll see them here paraphrased because while I type faster than I write, Ken speaks at about 125 words per minute. I can only finger bang on my gonculator (slang for computer) at about 55-57 wmp…which, coincidentally, happens to be about the same speed I travel the Interstate (in mph naturally) in order to maintain my peace of mind with regard to mpg, speed limits, and safety. Ken was tremendously accommodating and supportive. At one point, he emerged from the bookstore to check on my progress—having suggested I make the notes in Greek, as that is how many people perceived his speech—when he again greeted me with a warm touch on the neck and head.

What time does this 10:00 briefing begin? At a casual 10:04 according to my cell phone clock. Like I said, I was critical of everything from start time to workshop cost…$40 for a one-day seminar. My military indoctrinated attention to detail was not lost on my assessment of the Course and its “Teachers.” Ken marched up to the podium and announced the administrative details of the day: 13:00 lunch break…17:30 completion time. No food or drinks in the lecture hall, water is okay. I was briefly reminded of classroom expectations I failed to enforce at the expeditionary learning high school at which I had recently worked. Ken immediately answered the question of an attending student regarding the Course’s Concordance2. She had the wrong copy of what she had intended to obtain. Ken gently corrected her misperception. He also went on to describe to this curious and insistent woman (she couldn’t wait for the workshop to formally begin before asking her question) that she and others could identify various editions of the Course by the fact the no sentence numbers exist in the first edition. The second edition has sentence numbers, however, making for cumbersome annotation that you will see in the following notes3. Another woman asked a question about pride, and Ken, with what would become characteristic sarcasm and whit responded, “Pride is bad. Pride is a defense of how wretched you are.” The audience had a chuckle. I was beginning to lighten up at this point (advice I continue to receive from those that know me to be “intense,” “focused,” “driven,” or “heavy”).

The topic of discussion would be one of Mozart’s Operas: The Magic Flute was his last opera premiering in 1791…the end of his life came only months later. All of this occurred while his wife, Constanze, was pregnant with their 6th child. The story is a fairytale with a deep underlying spiritual lesson. Mason symbolism4 (Mozart was a Mason) reflects the underlying Freemason theme of spirituality as an individual pursuit and responsibility. The story has a sub-hero, a birdman that engages in a battle of light and darkness. The overriding theme: passing through the darkness. The story takes place in Egypt and involves the period where slaves and royalty would worship Isis and Osiris. The Magic Flute itself represented a symbol of forgiveness. Ken, over the next several hours, would labor to make this connection clear to his audience and similarly himself—the Course states: “The only way to have peace is to teach peace. By teaching

2 Aren’t footnotes fun? I had to look up concordance too. For your ease of reading: “an index to the words of a book (esp. of the Bible) with references to the places of their occurrence.”3 The Course comes in 4 sections: T=Text, W=Workbook for students, M=Manual for Teachers, C=Clarification of Terms4 You’ll see some of their symbolic contribution on the back of the U.S. dollar bill…the all-seeing-eye and pyramid.

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peace you must learn it yourself, because you cannot teach what you still dissociate” (T-6.III.4:3-4)5. Ken was using this group to gain the Peace of God by demonstrating his insight.

The following is a compilation of statements, quotes, anecdotes, questions, and answers from the workshop Ken facilitated this day…join me for a spell as I try to convey to you, the reader if you’re still allowing me to drag you through the mud, the shrewd skill with which Ken shares Course principles (you could always just borrow, buy, or steal a couple of his CD’s and listen in…you won’t be disappointed—unless you find that his New York Jewish banter comes too quickly to process, then you will be disappointed, but it’s always your choice to be disappointed, so don’t be ). After all, why should you read my notes? Well, good question. If you had been at the workshop, you wouldn’t need Jason’s Notes. However, even if you did attend, perhaps you could benefit from a refresher. If a refresher is not what you need, perhaps you could simply benefit from a different perspective. Another note6 about the following text: If any of this resonates with your truth filter as true, credit the Holy Spirit or the Source of all inspiration with its origins. Should you find anything questionable or downright objectionable, either re-tune your receiver or attribute the poor guidance to the ego, devil, dark side…whatever demonic or satanic archetype of fallacy with which you identify. No one is to blame for half-truths or misinformation just as no one is to receive credit where the Holy Spirit is really the Only Creditor. I hope you’ll embrace this method of documentation. Should you not, and you simply must know who said what, please purchase the tape, transcript, Course, and any other representations of the Truth that will satisfy you so that you can carefully analyze everything in detail. If what you find controversial lies in the fact that I paraphrase Ken (and where possible, directly quote), then consider this statement from the Course, “…those who seek controversy will find it. Yet those who seek clarification will find it as well” (C-Intro.2:1-2)7. I hope you find clarification in these words. Here it goes, a mishmash of Ken, the Spirit, the audience, and me (I try to clearly identify paragraphs where Ken is speaking with “Ken:” like this):

Ken: Tamino was given a magic flute by 3 ladies serving The Evil Queen of the Night. “O prince take this gift from me,” they said. This magic flute will protect you. You will be able to transform the sorrows of man. Pamina was the good daughter of this evil Queen. And Tamino took to liking her. According to instructions from Tamino’s visitors, playing the flute will help him find Pamina. The wild beasts gather. “Even wild beasts feel joy,” when the flute is played. Tamino must pass through trials of fire and water to become a man and become worthy to marry this woman on whom he dotes. The flute was cut from a thousands-year-old tree during a dark, stormy night. Playing the flute helps Tamino and Pamina to emerge from fire…then through the fall of water. Caves of fire and water vested. “Victory, victory noble pair…”

5 Here’s one of the aforementioned “notes.” Not this superscript “4” note, but the text reference. See “3”. The section is followed by chapter, subsection, paragraph, and line.6 Not footnote, go back to the text. Forgive my overzealous use of the notes…I’ll ease up now.7 Here’s another example of a reference to the Course. In this case C=the section titled “Clarification of Terms.” I don’t know how much clearer I can make this without actually putting ACIM in front of you and pointing to sections and saying, “see…and here.” But that’s the H.S.’s job, so ask Him/It/Her.

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Now me (not talking, just reflecting): Forgiveness is the flute that Jesus gives us to emerge from the “circle of fear.” “The circle of fear lies just below the level the body sees, and seems to be the whole foundation on which the world is based. Here are all the illusions, all the twisted thoughts, all the insane attacks, the fury, the vengeance and betrayal,” says the Course (T-18.IX.4:1-2). We have to overcome fear to emerge into the light and the temple of God. “For They Have Come,” says section-heading IX from Chapter 26 of the Course Text8. “Now is the temple of the living God rebuilt,” J goes on to say in paragraph 8, line 1 of the same section. Guilt is the great thought that prevents us from getting to the love on the other side…a barrier. Jesus is a miraculous figure that gives us the means to reach our goal. We are asked, “Why won’t you play this magic flute of forgiveness?” We refuse to take what will lead us through the fire and water of our lives (fear and guilt).

“This is not an ego free opera,” Ken says. The music is, but not the story. Our special relationship with our egos and ourselves is the principle barrier. To which I add, “What is the ego?” This gets at the heart of the Course’s message. The ego is: “Nothingness, but in a form that seems like something….We cannot really make a definition for what the ego is, but we can say what it is not” (C-2.2:2,4:1). That’s a bit vague. Better still, “The ego is the mind’s belief that it is completely on its own” (T-4.II.8:4). Does this sentiment remind you of anyone you know? Perhaps someone you might refer to as “cynical?” According to Microsoft Encarta:

Cynics, members of a school of Greek philosophers founded during the second half of the 4th century bc. Diogenes of Sinope is generally regarded as the founder, but Antisthenes, a pupil of Socrates, has also been proposed. According to Aristotle, Diogenes was a well-known figure, nicknamed Kyon, the Greek word for “dog.” The word Cynic may have been derived from Kyon and applied to the members of this school because of their unconventional mode of life, or from Cynosarges, a gymnasium where Antisthenes taught.

The Cynics contended that civilization, with its attendant ills, was an artificial, unnatural condition and that it should be held in contempt. Hence, they advocated returning to a natural life, which they equated with a simple life, maintaining that complete happiness can be attained only through self-sufficiency. Independence is the true good, not riches or luxuries. It follows that the Cynics were exceedingly ascetic, regarding abstemiousness as the means to human liberation. They did not propose the gratification of natural appetites so much as the nongratification of artificial ones [italics added].9

Allow me to draw your attention to the artificial nature of civilization, the underlying “dog” theme, and an understanding of the illusory nature of our independence. You see, in this backward world where everything stands as a symbol of our separation, consider for a moment a common symbol that represents the idea of unconditional love, loyalty, and innocence. Is it an accident10 that these ideas be projected on “Dog” or “man’s best

8 Here’s a little different technique for quoting the Course. The same section, chapter, subsection, paragraph, line rules apply.9 Microsoft® Encarta® Encyclopedia 2002. © 1993-2001 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.10 “There are no accidents in salvation” (M-3.1:6).

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friend?” According to the Course, in heaven, it is the eternal love of “goD” or “God” that is unconditional, loyal, and free from guilt. Later we’ll cover more examples of the inverted nature of the “reality” of the “world” and its thought system. For now, simply consider that this is possible. Furthermore, the cynical view that we are independent, self-sufficient and that this is good is as far from the truth as hell, but we’ll cover that in more detail later as well.

While independent seeking for salvation is consistent with Masonic philosophy (Mozart’s crew) and from another example, the message of The Exorcism of Emily Rose as printed on Emily’s epitaph (character portraying the demonic possession story of Anneliese Michel) “…work out your salvation with fear and trembling” (Phil 2:12, KJV)11. Now, whether or not you support what Saul turned Paul had to say about the message of Christ here, consider for a moment that the form, or the messenger, does not matter. Rather the content of the message should stand the test of consistency. Truth is consistent, I believe, or stillness would not be the essence of peace. To illustrate this further, let’s look at the description of Saul’s transformation to Paul and journey to Damascus. More specifically, let’s look for the consistency in this account: First, “And the men which journeyed with him stood speechless, hearing a voice but seeing no man” (Acts 9:7, KJV); second, “And they that were with me saw indeed the light, and were afraid; but they heard not the voice of him that spake to me” (Acts 22:9, KJV). Hmm. That’s odd. What did Paul’s witnesses to his encounter with Jesus on the road to Damascus really see and hear? How am I to make a foundation of faith on such a shaky account as this from “The Word of God,” or “The Inspired Word of God,” depending on the proponent? That’s but a glimpse at the depth and breadth of biblical inconsistencies. It’s no wonder I wasn’t satisfied by what the missionaries had to tell me about God’s Word. Now back to Ken.

Ken: “If you really want Pamina, this is what you have to do…” say Tamino’s messengers. Similarly, Jesus appeals to our desire to feel better. The Holy Spirit has to teach us the difference between freedom and imprisonment. We think that we will be imprisoned and destroyed by God. “You will feel better if you do what I say.” It’s not for him; it’s for us. Our pain comes from our own mistaken choice for the ego. Pamina says, “I will guide you, and love will guide me.” Jesus is the love that we seek and the means to get there. Jesus asks to be our guide. The question we should always ask, “Why don’t I do this?” We make judgments and criticize without thought. “Why do I go against what I have invested so much in?” Be aware of the most important information from the Course…that we have a SPLIT MIND. Our brains and bodies are simply projections. Ideas never leave their source. Brains don’t think, minds think: forgiveness or guilt. 1. We have a mind, 2. It’s split…into the right and wrong mind. Learn the lesson of shared interests in this world that will have us learn separate/split interests. You have the capacity to choose one or the other. Everyone has the same split mind. Examination helps us to understand. Forgiveness to destroy is a seeming spirituality and forgiveness still used for making the other separate. True forgiveness lifts the veil of

11 Goodness, this really is getting cumbersome. This is a reference to a section in a book called “The Bible.” This particular version is the King James Version (KJV) as commissioned by the late King. Are you still with me?

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ignorance that keeps us from the awareness that we are all one. There is the illusion of many, but there is only one. Ask yourself, “why do I not accept this magic flute that Jesus is offering?” “What’s wrong with me?” You’re fearful.

Yes, Ken, I agree that’s true. We are all fearful of the love of God and we project that fear onto everything from spiders to heights to “terrorists12.”

Ken: We would not do any of the attacking things we do if we were not afraid of love. All attack comes from fear. Frightened people can be vicious, but all vicious people are frightened. This is a desperate call that says, “please tell me that I am wrong.” Fear is a defense against the love. “Why would I turn away from love when I yearn for it?” We turn away because we believe in the insanity. And this self will disappear. The angry “I,” the guilty “I” is replaced by a kind, warm, right-minded “I.” In the end, only the non-“I” remains…all else disappears. Ego’s maxim: “if you can’t lick’em, join’em.” Playing the Magic Flute in the minor key…things get darker and darker. The music is discordant and dissonant. It feels good when we can justify our judgment. Love can be accepted, not taken, ingested, incorporated. Love is within; it only has to be accepted. Fear will have us distort and change it. Special love becomes a glorification of the ego, separateness. Red flag: differences, the ego identifies what is different…and it matters what you do and who you are. Specialness is a triumph of form over content. This book [ACIM] is not holy. Only the ego cares about form. Only the ego thinks there is a book that has to be studied. Love is not in a book, it’s in your mind.

The Course is essentially summed up in the previous paragraph. The principles it contains are holographic, like the mind, like our experience of the world. In a hologram, all of the information about an image is contained in the film-bound interference pattern made by lasers bouncing off of an object. If a plate of holographic film were to be split into a million little pieces, say of a picture of an apple, you would see before you a million little pieces of the same apple image. The resolution would not be so clear, but the symbol would remain. The Course is the same…Ken’s teaching method, therefore, in being consistent with the Course is holographic. So, save yourself some reading time and money and simply copy one paragraph of this description and you’ll have your apple. For the rest of us that need the truth restated and repeated a million times in a million ways, read on!

Ken: We have an illusion that there is a teacher, a book, a body…we want to get beyond the symbol even though symbols can be useful. Jesus does not care what you do. Whom you live with, where you live, your body…Jesus does not care. He only cares about the cancer of guilt in your mind, not your body. Bodies don’t have relationships…there are no relationships here. He cares only about the relationship in your mind. The journey to crucifixion is where you will go if you use the Course to be special. The journey to the resurrection will bring you home. Think of puppets…puppets don’t do anything. Eyes don’t see, ears don’t hear…bodies don’t do anything. This Course is not 12 Terror: “extreme fear.” If fear is a state of mind, how is it justified that we fight a state of mind in another country? It seems to me the true war is in our own conflicted minds that project that conflict outward, like bullets or other project-iles from the nose of an A-10 for example or from the hands of children in the form of projected rocks and sticks.

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about bodies. If you believe it is, you’re worshipping a god of specialness. First trial: moving from the body to the mind. Second trial: moving past guilt. Journey from the body and world to the mind and correct that by choosing again where the world/bodies/separation disappear and we awake with Jesus outside of the dream. The daily practice of forgiveness, the daily playing of the Magic Flute gets us to our destination. When you are defenseless, the beasts of the world will sit down…that may not be their experience, but it will be yours. You have no enemies when you play the Flute of Forgiveness. God is not your enemy. There is no projection of cruel and vicious people or microorganisms. The world of bodies is the world of dreams. Do not dismiss it, or turn your back on it, or deny it. Use a context, or new perspective to look upon it in a different way. There is a part of me that knows what I see is not what it appears. The right mind knows this is a dream. The wrong mind wants to be neglected, abandoned, betrayed, sick…such that it can make the “I” real and that there is a cause outside of this “self” worthy of blame.

Ken uses the illustration of puppets to describe the true nature of our human interactions. Quantum physics supports that we are all waves of potential inextricably connected. I’m reminded of the movie What the Bleep Do We Know? and it’s description of infinite potential. If we are not separate bodies interacting, but rather we are really one integrated whole…holy shit! Or should I say, “Wholly Shit.” In fact, that is where the term holy comes from…whole-e. The appearance of separate bodies is an illusion. At the atomic level (or uncuttable level—to use the Greek roots of atom), we are not separate bodies. Therefore, our perception of separate, disintegrated selves is illusory. Illusory in the sense that puppets acting out roles on a puppet stage with puppet hands and puppet problems have just as much impact on our true state…NONE! Plato described the same phenomenon in his Cave Allegory. In fact, the movie I Heart Huckabees also illustrates this same universal principle of interconnectedness. Cool. We’re surrounded by examples of this supposedly “radical” idea. And yet, we build up such a resistance to the truth that we totally miss what is under our noses. Back to Ken.

Ken: In the throes of my agony, I can detach and look differently. The real

investment in “unfair treatment” is a temptation of the Son of God. Beware of this temptation. The wrong mind wants to be unfairly treated. It’s psychosis to think a puppet can treat you unfairly except in the Twilight Zone. I must be real if I am being unfairly treated. I am the innocent person and you are the guilty one. We both cannot be innocent, we both cannot be guilty…it’s one or the other. If you’re beautiful, I’m ugly. Love makes no comparisons. Fear compares, specialness compares. My silent investment is that you betray me…you being a car, house, body, organism. We are innocent victims of a force beyond our control that has power to make us feel bad You’re not responsible for how people are, but how you experience them. Since puppets can’t treat you unfairly you must be projecting these ideas onto them. When you play the Magic Flute, the Wild Beasts become tame. People cannot betray, abandon, attack…the enemy is not outside, inside, or anywhere. The “enemy” is a decision to feel unfairly treated. Nothing happened! I am dreaming of exile. The forgotten Song, the Song of Prayer has never stopped…there is only one note and it has not changed. The Magic Flute reminds us of that. The words in the Course are just symbols of a love that is not of

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this world. You respond only to the love beyond the language and the teachings. Respond to the content and not the form.

Here Ken is trying to return to us our power to remember our True state, to reclaim the Peace of God. I once had a statistics teacher that frequently made his students aware of this obvious, yet ignored fact: “When you point your finger at someone else, look at how many are pointing back at you.” Try it. Follow these simple instructions—we’ll call this the “blamey-blamerston” finger pointing exercise: 1. Say, “I blame you for how I feel.” 2. Now extend your “pointer” finger (it’s okay, your mother won’t mind, this is just an illustration) 3. Notice the three fingers pointing back! Cool huh? We have habituated this pattern of blaming others for our problems. We are powerless to effect what happens to us because we are Victims! The world rewards victims. We have victim’s assistance, advocacy, and sympathy. All serve to validate a state of powerlessness. So, in this exercise, if three fingers of blame point back at us, then we must be the guilty ones right? Not quite. The ego would love for us internalize the guilt that we aren’t hurling on the world just as well. Unfortunately, that makes for some serious discomfort because guilt demands punishment. If we are 3x’s as guilty as that other S.O.B., then we are really screwed. Paybacks are a bitch! Fortunately, that’s not the case…or so the Course would have us believe. All of these shenanigans at which we wiggle our booger picker exist in our minds which God created and which He loves. Not “out there.”

Ken: The thought of guilt in the mind is the problem. The hate hides the guilt. The guilt hides the love. Special love has the thorns of hate as a rose has thorns. Jesus gives us the power to escape this with the flute of Forgiveness. He hands us the power of the mind to choose. He cannot play the flute for us! He can teach us to play it. He can remind us of its power. We have to play it! We come up with many excuses: I misplaced it, I don’t remember the notes; maybe I should play the oboe instead, this flute’s not for me. Regardless of the form of horror, we all experience the same horror. Everyone suffers…it is total. There are no gradations of suffering. If you’re in pain, you’re in pain. Loss is loss. It cannot be measured or compared.

Here Ken is drawing the connection between the story of The Magic Flute and our role in choosing our own salvation with the help of Jesus. We continually try to draw him into the dream on horses and tongues of fire. Instead, His Course will have us understand that J is outside of the dream beckoning us to come out and join him. “…[W]ork out your salvation,” I believe he says as no one can make choices for you.

Ken: Being in this world is suffering. Being in a body is tremendously painful. We desperately try to fit into a prison and we cannot. Nothing here can contain the glorious selves that we are. There is no gradation in pain. There is no hierarchy in pain. Jesus gives us the Magic Flute to make docile, quiet, and peaceful the Wild Beasts. We have the instrument. But we’re terrified of the instrument and of the temple of the living God being rebuilt. We would much rather live among pain, rotting flesh, blood because

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that establishes that we exist as separate. From page 1 to the end13 Jesus says: here is an instrument and it will help you. Understand the barriers you erect to use it. Be aware that “I have a split mind.” The right mind re-minds that there is no death. The wrong mind does not want to believe that. Be aware of this choice whenever a puppet threatens your peace of mind. Upsets are a choice against Jesus and his gift. “I’d rather play another instrument, another piece of music, anything but yours,” is our statement to Jesus when we allow a puppet to make us angry. This doesn’t make us bad or sinful, simply choosers of Hell.

Choosers of Hell? You mean to say that hell is here on Earth? The Course is very specific on this point. Our experience of this world and its inherent deception…what else could hell be? “The devil deceives by lies, and builds kingdoms in which everything is in direct opposition to God” (T-3.VII.2:6). “The self-deceiving must deceive, for they must teach deception. And what else is hell” (M-Intro.5:2-3)? Where else do we burn with desire? Where else is there “weeping and gnashing14 of teeth” but in our own frightful dreams? People that have slept near me have made it clear that I’m quite a gnasher. My dentist has confirmed the probability of this behavior with evidence of pulverized enamel.

Ken: All you need is a little willingness to see what you’re doing without judgment, to see that you’re choosing the wrong mind over the right mind. Look at your ego without judgment. You were being angry, spiteful, greedy because you were choosing to look with the wrong mind. Being in my wrong mind is a defense against the right mind. Forgiveness is still and quietly does nothing. It merely looks and waits and judges not. “Forgiveness…is still, and quietly does nothing….It merely looks, and waits, and judges not” (W-pII.1.4:1&3). To choose the wrong mind is to choose against the right mind. Recognize the cost of choosing the ego and you will be impelled to pick up the flute, play the melody…the ego hurts too much when you can hear the sweet sounds of harmony, the touches of sweet harmony without fear. Forgiveness does nothing. It just sits and allows the music to creep in. Replaying tapes of anger and hate is a defense against peace and awareness of the split mind. The miracle does not choose or awaken it establishes that you dream a dream and have chosen the wrong side of a split mind. You are the dreamer and not a dream figure. The miracle says you’re the dreamer. Forgiveness does nothing. Just sit quietly and see what you are doing. When the pain becomes excruciating, you will pick up the flute and play. You will remember that the flute was always there and you already know how to play and you played not because you were fearful. My ego, judgments, anger, specialness will make me miserable and unhappy. The forgotten song will be remembered. Your life externally may not get better. But you will feel better applying the Course principles.

Wow! That was dense. It’s time for a group break around 11:15. Ken comes over for another hug, embrace, and “well, did I get it right?” Yes, Ken, you extended the message of the Course with honesty, integrity, and clarity. Having been a “student” of 13 The Text of the Course is 669 pages, the workbook 488 pages, a 92-page Manual for Teachers…over 1249 pages! Egad! But it’s worth it.14 Bruxism: “Greek ‘brychein’ to gnash the teeth…the habit of unconsciously gritting or grinding the teeth esp. in situations of stress or during sleep.”

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the Course for just over a year (I began the workbook lessons on my “birthday” of 24 April 2005), it was easy to recognize the holographic message of Jesus through Ken’s pronouncements. Symbols. Becoming artful forgivers of the world’s symbols is our charge, and Ken illustrated (to take truth into the illusion by way of symbolic expression—words formed into sentences into meaningful thoughts—in order to lead us home) the use of Mozart’s symbol in the Magic Flute beautifully and coherently. Did you ever notice how the word “illusion” shares the same roots as “illustrate,” “illustrious?” No? Well, that’s what you pay me for. Ken joined the message of the Flute with J’s message in the Course such that students everywhere might begin to re-cognize, or to know again, the limitless nature of our interconnectedness. But enough lollygagging; we begin again at 11:46.

A question from the audience: “How do you know if you’re playing the flute correctly?”

Ken: How do you know you’re hearing the Holy Spirit? How do you know you’re forgiving? That’s the big question. The ego can sing sweetly, but in the long run, over time, you can tell. There are two parts to the test: 1. Being totally without fear and 2. Everyone around you shares in your perfect peace. You will know and others will know. It is relatively easy to fool yourself; it is more difficult to fool others. Let’s get back to the text on page 439: VII. The Consistency of Means and End.

Remember the earlier statement about the consistent nature of truth? Well, here’s where the Course details our inconsistent desires. Ken read about the first two paragraphs of this section. Imagine him reading this aloud by reading it to yourself. Now imagine a wise, old, Jewish, New York auctioneer, with a background in psychology and a slight stutter—I share this observation with nothing but a maximal extension of love to and for Ken and his spoken word, which can sometimes, sound like Greek:

We have said much about discrepancies of means and end, and how these must be brought in line before your holy relationship can bring you only joy. But we have also said the means to meet the Holy Spirit’s goal will come from the same Source as does His purpose. Being so simple and direct, this course has nothing in it that is not consistent. The seeming inconsistencies, or parts you find more difficult than others, are merely indications of areas where means and end are still discrepant. This course requires almost nothing of you. It is impossible to imagine one that asks so little, or could offer more.

The period of discomfort that follows the sudden change in a relationship from sin to holiness may now be almost over. To the extent you still experience it, you are refusing to leave the means to Him Who changed the purpose. You recognize you want the goal. Are you not also willing to accept the means? If you are not, let us admit that you are inconsistent (T-20.VII.1:1-2:4).

Ken pauses here to point out that this is a divine putdown by J. In effect, He’s saying we’re nuts if we don’t make use of what He’s offering in order to have what we’ve asked for. “…[L]et us admit that you are inconsistent,” because we don’t really know what we

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want, what our goal is. Ken continues reading through paragraph 2 with: “A purpose is attained by means, and if you want a purpose you must be willing to want the means as well. How can one be sincere and say, ‘I want this above all else, and yet I do not want to learn the means to get it?’” You’ve got me J. Truth be told, I’m really lazy, and I really would rather that you just rescue me from my own stupid choices. Can’t you just work all this out for me? Well, for others of you that also subscribe to this sort of resignation and victimhood, let me know how it works out. I’m going to try a different approach.

Ken: If we don’t practice playing the flute of forgiveness we’ll never get home. This resistance comes from not wanting to go home. Why do we reject what Christ offers? Where we find problems in the Course lies the root of our resistance to use it to go home. We say, “It’s too difficult, I can’t understand all of these double and triple negatives, I hate Shakespeare…” We don’t want the goal that the Course offers. That produces tremendous conflict. This is an expression of the ancient conflict between God and the Ego. Who’s the Author of my reality? Ego or God? This is the fundamental conflict. Personality theories put forth their own version of the fundamental conflict. The basic conflict is between God and the ego. It’s not the psychic mechanisms of Freud and others. This is the source of discomfort acted out here in the world. We attack the Course because we didn’t get what we wanted. We asked a special favor of God. He would not recognize our individuality. Because He would not, we made of Him an enemy. Kill or be killed. “Think not He has forgotten,” says the delusional thought system of the ego (M-17.7:4). We made an unloving father. We make the Course representative of an unloving thought system. “Jesus talked to Helen but won’t talk to me. What’s with this language of double negatives, iambic pentameter, I don’t even know what an ammeter is,” we whine. We make of Jesus an angry taskmaster shaking his finger, “forgive, damn it!”

Ken references Shakespeare (Edward de Vere, the seventeenth Earl of Oxford, according to Arten in D.U.) because “[m]any have noticed the writing style of the Course and its similarity in beauty to the writing of William Shakespeare” where iambic pentameter characterizes parts of the text and many workbook lessons (D.U. pg. 331). An iamb relates to a syllable in a word, and penta- as a prefix means 5. Meter is a form of measure. Putting it all together, iambic pentameter refers to the literary tool of 5 stressed and 5 unstressed syllables in alternating sequence as though in a musical “measure.” Here’s an example from Lesson 230: “Now will I seek and find the peace of God.” Pat it out on your thigh or desk or whatever: Now-1, will-2, I-3, seek-4, and-5, find-6, the-7, peace-8, of-9, God-10. Cool huh? Let’s try a more difficult example from Lesson 348:

“I have no cause for anger or for fear,For You surround me. And in every needThat I perceive, Your grace suffices me.”

Are you ready? The first line through “fear” = 10, the second line through “need” = 20, and finally the third line through “me” = 30. Are your socks still on? There’s more to this number scheme in the Course such as the 10 CHARACTERISTICS OF GOD’S

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TEACHERS in the MANUAL FOR TEACHERS, and the 5 Laws of Chaos in Chapter 23, section II. The fingers on our hands are great for remembering these principles. It seems J was right in saying that the world is the perfect classroom for forgiveness and leading us out of the dream. There’s so much more about the number conventions and where they appear in the world later. For now, let me demonstrate another connection for you through Shakespeare. You see, according to The Bible for Dummies and other respectable sources for Biblical Science (or B.S.—pun intended), the King James Version of the Holy Bible is the most widely distributed of all versions of this ancient collection of novel literature. It is thought that this particular version has Bill Shakespeare’s fingerprints on it. When King James commissioned this version’s writing, Bill would have been about 46 years of age. Test out this theory: count 46 words in from the beginning of Psalm 46 in the KJV and 46 in from the bottom (not including Se’lah which is something of a placeholder in prayer…like saying “amen” or “that’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout!”). What do you see? Oh yeah, his countenance “Shakes a Spear.” Did Shakespeare leave his mark on the inspired word of God? How could he leave such a coffee stain on this morally foundational text? Hmm. I wonder who else might have left prints from their grubby nubs on these pages? Paul? Luke? Mark? Never! ;-) Can we even see the Truth through all the muck anymore? Okay, enough about Shakespeare, iambs, and Psalms…if you want another great Shakespearean sonnet, check out Song of Solomon. Now that would make a great adult flick. I digress. Back to Ken.

Ken: This discomfort need not be. We don’t have to feel anything but love. “This course requires almost nothing of you. It is impossible to imagine one that asks so little, or could offer more.” We want to throw the book in J’s face and discredit His message so that we have an excuse to continue what we’re doing. We say, “The crucifixion was easy compared to what I go through…it was a bad couple of hours and then it was over. It pales in comparison to the years and years of abuse I’ve endured.” We say these things as though we’ve cornered the market on suffering and can never be asked to forgive such unforgivable misfortune. The flute does not make the fire better…it gets you through the fire. The H.S. walks us through the circle of fear. When J says the Course asks so little, it is asking us to let go of what does not exist. Nothing outside of me means anything. Drug addiction, homicidal ideations, external gurus, external books…all projections of the ego. J’s path reverses the projection of guilt. Forgiveness brings the projections back inside. This is how the Magic Flute leads us through danger…there is no danger! We are protected by the truth that there is nothing out there that can hurt us! Only our thoughts can harm us. “I can be hurt by nothing but my thoughts” [Lesson 281, check out the iambs in that one!]. The thought that hurts me is my mind’s decision for guilt and separation. We project the hurt outside, making other people the harmful ones. This is fundamentally dishonest. Then we ask the H.S. and Jesus to help us with our illusions, we make them more real. J and the H.S. are symbols of Love and the meaninglessness of the separation. In the holy instant there is no body. There is nobody. Bodies keep us separate. There is a space between. Bodies don’t join. Minds join. Bodies express in form the thought of separation. Different fingertips, identical twins with different personalities, snowflakes are none alike…GOD DID ALL THIS! We think. Nope. The fact remains we are not separated. Forgiveness undoes this “tiny, mad idea” (T-27.VIII.6:2). The journey that the Magic Flute leads us through

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outside to inside, from form to content, world to truth, darkness to light. The triumph comes from going through the darkness. Tamino is taught to be quiet in order to go through the darkness with the Magic Flute of Forgiveness. This world is full of darkness. What we call light in this world is artificial…bulb or sun…because it does not last. It is not permanent. It’s all artificial. The light of Christ is natural and true. It’s in our mind. There is “nothing so blinding as perception of form” (T-22.III.6:7). Form means separation. Contour, border, boundaries…all separation. There are forms that keep us separate. “Nothing so blinding as perception of form.” Our eyes show us this. The brain15 comes from the same thought that made our eyes…separation.

Ken launched into the above discussion with the passion of a desperate professor. His natural profession, like all of ours, is the Atonement, the “undoing” of fear, and the forgiven members of his audience are his means, or his ticket home (T-1.III.1:10 & 3:1). His desperation must come from trying to reclaim, remember, re-cognize the Peace of God for himSelf and for all of us. He is teaching peace to have it and to learn it (T-6.V.B). It becomes obvious that the juvenile questions emanating from his brothers serve as his greatest forgiveness lessons for this seasoned teacher.

Ken: Our forgiveness begins in the darkness by reversing it onto the dark thought of guilt. Bring the dark thought of guilt to the light of Jesus and his love in the right mind. I stand within your holy relationship, not the hiding nature of the special relationship. Bodies are a dark cloak to keep us hidden. His love is the end and the means. It’s that light that allows us to look at the world outside (projected from the darkness within). J is not in the world. Ask him not for help in the world; ask for help seeing there is no world. Be saved from your decision maker’s incorrect decision.The devastation I see outside victimizing everyone is a projection of guilt. Guilt says, “I destroyed heaven.” The miracle looks on the projected and the inner devastation and says, “Neither is there.” Forgiveness is the name we give to the process of recognizing the artificial nature of guilt. We’re giving up illusions. The bridge to the real world asks us to leave nothing for everything. What we are holding onto is nothing because it does not give us the peace of God. What value does it have then? What else could we want? “The period of discomfort…may now be almost over,” says J through the text of the Course (T-20.VII.2:1). We changed the purpose of relationships by changing teachers. If we choose guilt, then we choose the ego as our teacher. The happy marriage: I give you my guilt, you give me yours, and we’ll be miserable together. A lighthouse merely shines its light. We, as the ship’s captains, choose to go toward the light or away.

Lights, bridges, lighthouses, ships…Ken draws on these symbols because they are familiar to us. The day prior to this workshop, I joined my sister and my nephew Jake, short for Jacob (or Yacov—Hebrew for “he who wrestles with God”) at a park near her house in San Diego. As Jake played on the various junglegyminy apparatuses, I noticed a young African American child sporting a red “Incredibles” jersey with the number 5. The 5 was not lost on me, but a much more significant symbol existed in the form of this young boy. He was playing a tune on an orange flute, standing on a bridge! The H.S.

15 The “split mind” is symbolized beautifully by our dual hemisphered brain, each the locus of different intelligence according to “science.”

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will use any situation or symbol to lead us home. Here I saw symbolized the flute of forgiveness on the bridge that the H.S. lays between truth and illusions: “The Holy Spirit mediates between illusions and the truth. Since He must bridge the gap between reality and dreams, perception leads to knowledge through the grace that God has given Him, to be His gift to everyone who turns to Him for truth” (W-pII.7.1:1-2). Thanks J! I hear you 5x5 good buddy (that’s loud and clear in radio-ese).

Ken: “You recognize you want the goal. Are you not also willing to accept the means” (T-20.VII.2:3-4)? We want escape from pain. Our resistance is in giving up our abuse stories, and being right about our victimization. We become our story of abuse and torture. We don’t want to let this go. When your body develops character armor, we become that armor, according to [orgone energist] Wilhelm Reich. We need to hold onto that abuse in order to validate our existence. If we let it go, we as bodies go. We do not know the thing we are unless we identify with that which can be abused, neglected, rejected. We don’t care about this pain. We care about being the “I” that is treated as such. Why do we keep coming here? Because that defines who we are. We are the unfair and innocent victims of a cold, cruel, world. How long shall we cling to this?

Ken’s comment, “Why do we keep coming here?” reminds me of a profound statement by a young man in the movie Waking Life. He is speaking to the main character as he walks with a purpose around a rooftop. The scene begins with the young man taking on a “normal” human form. When his soliloquy ends, he has somehow transformed…I won’t spoil this if you haven’t seen the movie. This is what he says:

A thousand years is but an instant. There’s nothing new, nothing different. The same patterns over and over. The same clouds, the same music, the same insight felt an hour or an eternity ago. There’s nothing here for me now, nothing at all. Now I remember. This happened to me before. This is why I left. You have begun to find your answers. Although it will seem difficult, the rewards will be great. Exercise your human mind as thoroughly as possible, knowing it is only an exercise. Build beautiful artifacts, solve problems, explore the secrets of the physical universe. Savor the input from all the senses. Feel the joy and sorrow, the laughter, the empathy, compassion…and tote the emotional memory in your travel bag. I remember where I came from and how I became human. Why I hung around. And now my final departure is scheduled. This way out. Escaping Velocity. Not just eternity, but infinity.

While not everything in this expression is consistent with what the Course teaches, it certainly speaks to our deeper longings and sensibilities, but more importantly a latent feeling of alienation.

An older woman in the audience made a statement in the form of a question as if to bring her thoughts to the Holy Spirit embodied by Ken for evaluation: “So, Jesus loves Hitler, Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld…not their body, but the Son of God that chose the ego in the form of these bodies. The process to love is forgiveness. I don’t forgive these men, I forgive their decision maker. Who do I love with Jesus?” This question is answered best by Ken’s own glossary of terms where he describes the “decision maker:”

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Mind: Knowledge: the activating agent of spirit, to which it is roughly equivalent, supplying its creative energy. Perception: the agent of choice; we are free to believe that our minds can be separated or split off from the Mind of God (wrong-mindedness), or that they can be returned to it (right-mindedness); thus, the split mind can be understood as having three parts: the wrong mind, the right mind, and the part of the mind (decision maker) that chooses between them [“decision maker” italics mine];

This woman was sitting in a reserved seat next to me. She was clearly in regular attendance at Ken’s workshops.

Ken patiently responds: He doesn’t have a decision maker [Jesus]. You love the person you truly are in loving Jesus. Hitler is a symbol of hate, Jesus is a symbol of love. When I love Jesus, I love the part of me that transcends the manifestation of Christ. It’s not about the person it’s about the symbol. Hurry up and forgive though or Bush will continue to make mistakes over and over and there won’t be a world left.

Another question: Why isn’t suicide escape?

Ken: There is a risk in thinking death is peace. Suicide is not an option if your purpose is to leave this wretched body and world…the thought of separation and guilt remains. There is not escape from what is made real. If you have made the wretched body and world real, then the thought will not leave its source. The right-minded choice to die, when the body is ready to be laid by, is accompanied by Mozart’s Flute, angel’s singing…Frank Sinatra.

Another question: Is the part of me that feels unworthy of love also a defense?

Ken: We often diminish our true worth by claiming, “If Jesus really knew what I am, he could never forgive.” Untrue! And yes, this is a defense. See the sense of unworthiness and leave it be. The way this Course fixes problems is to help us recognize there are no problems. Our ego asks, “but what do I do” about these problems. Forgiveness does nothing. Forgiveness looks and waits and judges not. Don’t work at this Course, just let the music come into you. Let it in. Hold up no more barriers. The ego analyzes, the Holy Spirit accepts. Analyzing is a subtle form of judgment. The ego is upheld by your interest in it. Withdraw interest by dispassionately looking upon it and letting it go. Read the Course with your heart to hear its music. Study and analysis distance when it becomes about the books and the letters on the page. The observed and the observer are one. You can’t really study anything. Duality states: there’s this book and this studier of this book…become the book. Teach with the love and defenselessness that allows recognition that you are one with everyone else. Connect with people by stating, “From my heart to your heart.” Stated with no interference. Looking also identifies the cost…yes? Look at yourself looking with judgment and judge not. Accept responsibility for the way you perceive the world as an instrument of separation. Perception is interpretation. Remember, you never get angry at a fact…you get angry at the perception of that fact.

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Ken returns now to page 439 in the text and continues: “If you are not, let us admit that you are inconsistent. A purpose is attained by means, and if you want a purpose you must be willing to want the means as well.” This is an address to J’s first two students of the Course, Helen and Bill. They had asked for “a better way.” This is the response. Helen complained that the Course wasn’t working. His response was that perhaps she had not applied the principles. Similarly, if Tamino says, “I won’t play the flute, but get me through the dangers anyway,” then the inconsistency is in us by refusing the means to the end. We must not really want the end! We must still be afraid of the peace of God because we continue to choose against it. [Ken reads from page 440 in the text] “How can one be sincere and say, ‘I want this above all else, and yet I do not want to learn the means to get it?’”16 This is meant to expose our resistance. It is meant to help us realize we have a split mind and that we have chosen the wrong mind and projected this result out…making the world. Okay, let’s take lunch.

Ken stops at 1 O’clock. We will begin again at 3 O’clock. The bookstore opens at 2:30. I walk out to my truck, eat a lunch of granola, honey, and peanut butter on a tortilla…all of which has been floating around in the back for over a month. I wander back inside to see the bookstore door closed. Bummer. I sit in the lobby and read an article in “The Lighthouse” about the theme of trauma and victimization from activities in concentration camps to rape. Ken writes about the Course’s perspective on these apparently painful worldly experiences. I wander back outside having now been overcome by a “fat puppy” tired sensation due to the pb-honeyola-tilla. I rest for a while in the front seat of my truck and drift into a state of deep relaxation. I am dimly aware of the sound of rain falling around me. With my eyes still closed I remember thinking to myself, “Oh, it must be raining outside.” I imagine the smell of wet pavement and wet foliage and it actually seems to drift into the cab of the truck. I open my eyes to see sunshine on a dry parking lot! What imagery though. I could have sworn that I actually heard rain falling on my windshield and upon the ground outside. It was then that I was reminded of a section in Part II of the workbook, 13 to be exact, titled “What Is a Miracle?” From paragraph 5 of this section:

Miracles fall like drops of healing rain from Heaven on a dry and dusty world, where starved and thirsty creatures come to die. Now they have water. Now the world is green. And everywhere the signs of life spring up, to show that what is born can never die, for what has life has immortality.

Thanks J. What a great image with which to come back to the world of form. I check my cell phone clock again: 2:25. I want to go inside to purchase a couple of books from the bookstore now. Ken and the rest of the group arrive and are in seats by 15:01. We cover a bit more administrivia before he takes a few more questions.

Question: I seem to be confused by the happy dream and my ego’s fulfillment. Is this the happy dream?17

16 Notice Ken’s use of repetition. He frequently re-petitions us to choose once again to look with our right mind. 17 On page 255 in the Course, J describes the process of waking up to heaven, “You will first dream of peace, and then awaken to it. Your first exchange of what you made for what you want is the exchange of

20

Ken: The Course is not referring to anything happening here when it alludes to a “happy dream.” It simply means when you choose a different teacher and you choose this regardless of what appears to happen in the world. This would apply in a death camp.

This woman presses further: Can I have the happy dream while I’m still in this lifetime?

Ken: It has nothing to do with being alive or not being alive. You go back and forth between happy and unhappy dreams.

Another question: Are you able to maintain happy states for long periods of time?

Ken: If people would stop asking me questions…if I could just listen to Mozart…I was perfectly satisfied listening to The Magic Flute but someone turned it off [gesturing toward a boom box onstage]. The Course is set up as a curriculum…study what the text is saying. Jesus told Bill to “study these notes.” Helen was a student listening to a college professor—J—verbatim. Once you have mastered the technical aspects, you let the inspiration take over. This represents going on a sort of automatic pilot. Throughout your day you are not necessarily conscious of the metaphysics, “is this level 1, level 2, is this my right/wrong mind…”. Rather, in each and every moment choose to see peace. There are a lot of people teaching the Course in different ways, different religions, and yet none of that is important. In the end, the Course is not important. What’s not important is what other people say about the Course. What is important is that you find an approach to the Course that is right for you. It is important that you find a set of symbols that get you from A to B. The Carpet of Time seemed to spin out billions of years and then it spun back as though it never happened (T-13.I.3:5-6). When you get to B, your own journey disappears. It is important for you to find a set of symbols with which you resonate. What difference does it make? If a person gets to Heaven with an orange instead of an apple, they still have arrived home.

Ken answers this question with mild jest, but the strain of frustration begins to show through. He must get the same questions time and time again. It’s no wonder that now the bulk of his ministry is through electronic medium. He’s been a champion of the Course since its inception. So many people have seemingly attacked him, his methods of teaching, and his philosophy that it must be taking a toll. Should we expect anything less from the ego? This course is the most threatening thing to the ego since Jesus!

Ken: Let’s go now to “I Need Do Nothing,” from Chapter 18, which was not initially part of the Course, but more of a special message for Helen (section VII, pg. 388 in 2nd edition). Do not take another’s path as your own when this one was made for you. Neither should you judge another’s path. There is nothing in this Course about groups or formal teaching. If you’re concerned with other’s use of the Course then you are missing

nightmares for the happy dreams of love” (T-13.VII.9:1-2).

the point. Study with whomever it is you feel resonates with your understanding of the Course. There’s nothing wrong with saying, “I resonate with Person B but not with Person A.” In the end, all are irrelevant because they are symbols. In the manual J refers to this as one form of many thousands (M-1.4:2). If it works for you, follow it. There is nothing wrong with making it important for you now. Do not then use it as a weapon against others. If you think J cares, read his book again! This Course does not need a defense; it needs only one perfect student. If you’re concerned with other students, you are saying the Sonship is more than 1. You are elevating form at the expense of content.

The Course has several radical passages. It clearly states that a Universal Theology is not possible. It states that this is one form of the universal curriculum among thousands. It does not call for churches, congregations, statues, money, or any other behavior or form. It merely asks that we forgive truly in order that we might experience again our true state. What other spiritual path describes itself with such modesty and neutrality? Furthermore, it states beautifully, “The truth itself needs no defense…” (T-17.IV.10:2). And even better, in Lesson 189, “…forget this course” (W-pI.189.7:5). Forget this Course?! Of course! In order to truly experience Oneness, we must let go of and forget everything except the peace and love of God. Name one church where the pastor preaches, “forget this book, it’s not important, it’s one path among many…in fact, you need not even come here for our gathering is merely a social phenomenon…the real work of salvation is done in your mind with the Holy Spirit.” He’d be out of a job and the building would fall from lack of upkeep. How beautiful! How empowering and attractive. How could anyone call this a cult in a derogatory manner? Where’s the ritual and idolization? The Course expressly warns against these things: “Whenever any form of special relationship tempts you to seek for love in ritual, remember love is content, and not form of any kind” (T-16.V.12:1) and “…those who make idols do worship them. The idols are nothing, but their worshippers are the Sons of God in sickness” (T-10.III.1:7-8). Who’s the cult leader? Ken? Ha! He’s about as cultist as…as…as an avocado!18

A question from the audience: Why can’t you seem to get away from this path once your on it?

Ken: It’s like spiritual flypaper, you’re stuck to it.

Questioner: Is that a legitimate question?

Ken: As illegitimate as any other question. It all relates to resistance. The right mind hangs on to truth.

18 While writing this I can remember a billboard in Pacific Beach, San Diego with a larger than life avocado. Angels are swarming this gargantuan green gourd with reverence and idolatry. Forgive me. I thought avocados were neutral…perhaps they are cultish. Choose another symbol for yourself that represents a benign and neutral expression of truth. Raisins perhaps? No…they have a woman with a basket and some singing dudes in claymation…hmm, I’m stumped. Maybe Ken is a cult leader. Uh oh…where’s the Kool-Aid?

Question: Meditation does me good but it still feels like this is my true path. Sometimes in the middle of it I think, “why couldn’t mine be meditation, it seems so much easier.”

Ken: Helen tried to leave it. She would leave notes in a taxi cab, the trash, put it into reports…she tried but her right mind kept bringing it back for her.

Another questioner: Would we be trying to take a shortcut if we saw in our minds that forgiving individuals…Bush, Rumsfeld, Cheney19…was achieved through forgiving the Sonship?

Ken: Yes, you have to deal with specifics before you can truly generalize. Let’s look at Lesson 122: “Forgiveness offers everything I want.” [notice any blank verse action here—a little 10 syllable iambic pentameter shiz20?] The way I keep love away and to hold onto this dream is to maintain grievances. To maintain and demonstrate separation is part of our wish. J would say, just as Freud: the goal of ACIM, just as the goal of psychoanalysis is to make the unconscious conscious. When I choose the ego it is purposive21. The right mind is the thought of the atonement, the separation never happened; therefore, I do not exist. The ego tells me guilt is so horrific that I must make up a world of bodies on which I can project the guilt of destroying heaven. J helps us to raise the veil. Freud noted to his daughter while viewing the façade of homes one day while walking near his…things are not so lovely behind the facades. His was a reference to the unconscious mind. Jesus says the same thing. This world is a place where starved and thirsty creatures come to die. It can’t be a nice place because it comes from the thought that we attacked God…separation, fragmentation, judgment, and death. If it’s not a nice place, we’ll make it into one…just wait! Wait until…something magical will happen and everything will be different. It won’t until you change the underlying thought.22 J lifts the veil so we can see the devastation and be taught that what we see is an illusion…made up…a fairytale to keep us from remaining in the mind. “What could you want forgiveness cannot give” (W-pI.122.1:1).23 All that we could want, forgiveness offers and more. It will give you peace, quietness, warmth, safety, sense of worth and beauty…why don’t we stick with what will give this? Because there is a part that wants neglect, abuse, misunderstanding…we want these things because we want the accusing

19 I recently saw this bumper sticker at a Nine Inch Nails concert: first line, “George Bush Sucks Dick…” next line, “Cheney Too…”. Ha, ha…get it? Draw it on paper…one line then the next. You’ll see. It’s funny. Apparently there are a lot of people judging Bush. He’s merely a symbol of our own wildly misguided selves that sees salvation in attack.20 Shiz: derived from “shiznit” and “for shizzel my bizzel.” It’s like saying, “stuff,” or, “for sure my biznicht.” Look at this “Shizzolator” example of something SnoopDogg (hip-hop artist…ask a teenager) might say: Perhaps a familiar statement, “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth, and the earth was void and without form. And God said, ‘let there be light,’ and there was”…now, let’s “Shizzolate” it: “In da beginning Dogg created da heavens ‘n da earth, ‘n da earth wuz void ‘n without form ‘n shit. And Dogg be like, ‘let there be light ‘n there wuz, know what I’m sayin’?” (http://code0range.net/node/261).21 No kidding, this is a word. I looked it up under purpose: “done with a purpose.”22 Gandhi said, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”23 Ken read this lesson from the beginning.

finger24 that points at another. In order to stave off God’s maniacal wrath, we created the world. I don’t want to think of God 6 times an hour! I want to think of this S.O.B. that wronged me. I willingly choose to suffer so somebody else will be punished besides me. Insanity! We choose to do it so that we can point the accusing finger, “Behold me brother, at your hand I die” (T.27.I.4:6). We revel in the pain. I once had a patient “in love.” His girlfriend left. He came to the recognition of the “exquisiteness of his pain.” He didn’t want to let it go. We all do this. I am not responsible for what you do, but I am responsible for how I respond. When I project guilt I say, “damn you to hell where God will punish you. I’m innocent because it’s one or the other.” We love to let people know how they have hurt us under the guise of being truthful and honest. This is not honesty. This is attack and that is our purpose. In this we hold up a picture of the crucifixion. “Look what you did to me.” Our insanity is so extreme that we would choose death just to be able to point that finger and say, “you did this to me.” J calls not for martyrs but for teachers. Teachers not through words but through demonstration. Who would I be without my scars? That is what defines us. We erect these defenses to protect this deluded self and we become the anger, hardness, defense itself. We become the ego’s lie and feel justified and that we are being validated as victims. We keep holding onto memories of childhood as though that is who we are today. Forgiveness says, “let it go, the past is over, the world was over long ago.” It’s not here anymore except in my memory. Sickness like memory is a defense against the truth. There is only right now where I can choose the ego or the Holy Spirit. Forgiveness is a threat because it lets go of the past and takes fear from the future. The fear is the initial motivator.

Ken mentions at the beginning of this statement the idea of making the unconscious conscious. “How did it become unconscious in the first place,” you might have asked if you were a good student (that was a “value judgment” joke…good). Excellent question. Consider the nature of this world through Eric Arthur Blair’s eyes. “Who in hell is that,” you ask? Boy, you are a sharp one. Consider the nature of the world of 1948 (the period when Blair wrote 1984—a synchronistic inversion of title and time) through George Orwell’s eyes:

Winston sank his arms to his sides and slowly refilled his lungs with air. His mind slid away into the labyrinthine world of doublethink. To know and not to know, to be conscious of complete truthfulness while telling carefully constructed lies, to hold simultaneously two opinions which cancelled out, knowing them to be contradictory and believing in both of them, to use logic against logic, to repudiate morality while laying claim to it, to believe that democracy was impossible and that the Party was the guardian of democracy, to forget whatever it was necessary to forget, then to draw it back into memory again at the moment when it was needed, and then promptly to forget it again: and above all, to apply the same process to the process itself. That was the ultimate subtlety: consciously to induce unconsciousness, and then, once again, to become unconscious of the act of hypnosis you had just performed. Even to understand the word 'doublethink' involved the use of doublethink (chapter 3)i.

24 Remember the “blamey-blamerston25” finger pointing exercise we discussed earlier?25 Etymology of this type of conjugation (the “…ey-…erston”) traces to coinage by a dear friend. I don’t think she actually has a registered trademark, but I wanted to protect her rights. I’ll stop with the footnotes now. Really . But how will I make unnecessary side comments? Ooh, ENDnotes!i http://www.online-literature.com/booksearch.php

Blair, born 6/25, June 25th, 1903 or the time of the “AntiChrist” as this date falls on the 25th week of the year, inverse to 25 December which lands on the 52nd week of the year where cultural Christians celebrate Christ’s, or God’s Only Begotten sOn’s, birth, on a coincident pagan holiday celebrating the sUn, beautifully portrays a now famous view of our world and political climate.ii “[C]onsciously to induce unconsciousness…,” the true purpose of the dual world our eyes perceive, of our special relationships, of forgiveness to destroy our brothers, of projected anger, guilt, and sin. In this passage, Orwell/Blair captures the idea of conditioning an inverted thought system, just as the Course seeks to right our wrong, or capsized minds. It’s no wonder I often feel as though I’m wandering through my “waking life” looking through a soda straw, unaware of the boomerangs of pain and projection I sling from my split mind until they reappear in my narrow field of view as “accidents” or “tragedies.” How quick we are to give away our power. Page 625iii of the Course marks Chapter 30, or “THE NEW BEGINNING.” It is this new beginning that will “…lead you from dreams of judgment to forgiving dreams and out of pain and fear” (T-30.Intro.1:5).

A question from the audience again: What about forgiveness and forgetting?

Ken: To forget does not mean you forget certain memories. To forgive is to let the charge of those memories go. Much like what you did yesterday or wore yesterday. You don’t think back on your actions or clothes with heated emotion. Back to Lesson 122: “It sparkles on your eyes as you awake, and gives you joy with which to meet the

ii Here’s is one of the aforementioned examples of the theme of 5. Notice 5x5=25 and 25x25=625. “5x5 good buddy,” was a radio reference…the young man in the park had “5” on his shirt…5 LAWS OF CHAOS describe the world according to the Course…6/25/1950 marks the day the “Cold War went hot” when the Korean War or “Forgotten War” began. What does a “Forgotten War” have to do with the Course? “…[H]istory would not exist if the same errors were not being repeated in the present” (T-4.II.1:3). Our remembrance is the key to our release. It’s not necessary to assign any particular importance to these occurrences. Simply smile on them and forgive the world for its insanity. Incidentally, I should note that the number 25 and its manifestation were at the heart of my delusional diagnosis. Having been in the 25th Fighter Squadron in Korea at 25 years old, my statement of objection occurring on 25 February, missing a deployment for which I had volunteered with the 25th Infantry Division, a pilot friend dieing on the same day, being passenger #25 on a Demilitarized Zone tour, being put into room 625 at a hospital on Travis Air Force Base in CA, being rated 25 out of a possible 100 points on a psychiatric global assessment of function scale…all serve as reminders to me of the true insanity inherent in our thoughts about this world. What’s more, 2 & 5 beautiful represent the “miracle of reversal” as described in Ken’s book about Helen and the scribing of the Course, Absence From Felicity, due to their inherent axis of symmetry allowing one to flip, spin, or fold and obtain the same “value” or its inverse…52. Ken described in this book, page 99, a symbolic dream in which Helen had about her neck a gold figure shaped something like the letter "m." The right-hand portion of the necklace was the Hebrew symbol for "r" or "resh." The left-hand portion was a mirror image, or reversal of the first. Some might say this symbol portrays the miracle of Moses' return from the Mt. with the 10 Commandments on the tablets...the inscription could be read either from the front or the back...the miracle of reversal. Furthermore, 2+5=7 also happened to be one of the more notable “fact families” I first learned when being indoctrinated into the mathematical world of 2+2=4 in the 2nd grade. Coincidentally, my chosen “gun number” while flying in Korea was 257…a tribute to my dad’s ’57 Chevy and our hunting experiences (this number was a way of anonymously tracking a pilot’s performance on a gunnery range so as not to give away his personal identity over the radio…when scoring bombs and bullets, the range operator would reference our scores to this gun number). iii See note ii. I don’t plan this stuff.

day….” Don’t say I never read you a nice thing…this is nice. “I don’t really want the peace of God. I want the peace of my special God that plays favorites…wheat and chaff, legitimate and illegitimate children of Abraham, chosen and rejected,” we say in support of the ego. The true God welcomes all. It excludes no one. Everyone must be in the circle of atonement. You cherish your individuality more than the peace of God. The unconscious wish of the ego to remain in existence is your resistance to these words and their application. To be vigilant for God and his kingdom means to be aware of how many and how often you want to exclude people. To say that you welcome people does not mean you issue invitations with an RSVP. You include them in your mind with forgiveness. Relationships don’t exist in the body. They exist in the mind. You can forgive a dead parent just as easily as a live parent. “Hurry up and die,” we might say, “so that I can forgive you.”

Understand that Ken shared this last sentiment with his trademark sarcasm. You can’t get that from text, so I’m telling you here. Ken can be tremendously sarcastic and irreverent in his philosophy and speech.

Ken: It’s a state of mind not to exclude anyone. “There’s not room for all of these bodies to march into my mind,” you might say. This is an error of form over content. At the instant of God’s peace, the holy instant, there is no body. No judgment = including everyone in thought without the body. Sounds lonely? It’s lonely to a body. “I don’t want to be with God because God is nothing,” is the statement of the ego. Jesus says, “go there, because there love abides.” When we’re in bodies, we’re already alone. We have the illusion that when we’re with a body, we’re with somebody…we’re really with nobody because bodies don’t exist. The fear of being alone is translated by the ego: “you need another body to not be alone.” The love of God is your nourishment. You can be with people without being needy when you recognize you need nothing (can get nothing) from them. Neediness of others is to cannibalize…to extend with expectations of receiving. Be aware you have a split mind to be a good student of this Course. Being in your wrong mind affirms the presence of the right mind and restores your power to choose…the flute of forgiveness. You have the power to choose. At least know you have it if even you don’t use it. Be aware of your split mind.

Ken made this statement nearly half a dozen times. Repetition induces the thought that this is an important point. “Be aware of your split mind.” I think it’s worth pointing out just where the Course says this split comes from. Consider the following ideas put forth in Lesson 68 in the first part of the Workbook for Students:

You who were created by love like itself can hold no grievances and know your Self. To hold a grievance is to forget who you are. To hold a grievance is to see yourself as a body. To hold a grievance is to let the ego rule your mind and to condemn the body to death. Perhaps you do not yet fully realize just what holding grievances does to your mind. It seems to split you off from your Source and make you unlike Him. It makes you believe that He is like what you think you have become, for no one can conceive of his Creator as unlike himself.

Shut off from your Self, which remains aware of Its likeness to Its Creator, your Self seems to sleep, while the part of your mind that weaves illusions in its sleep appears to be awake. Can all this arise from holding grievances? Oh, yes! For he who holds grievances denies he was created by love, and his Creator has become fearful to him in his dream of hate. Who can dream of hatred and not fear God?

It is as sure that those who hold grievances will redefine God in their own image, as it is certain that God created them like Himself, and defined them as part of Him. It is as sure that those who hold grievances will suffer guilt, as it is certain that those who forgive will find peace. It is as sure that those who hold grievances will forget who they are, as it is certain that those who forgive will remember.

Would you not be willing to relinquish your grievances if you believed all this were so? Perhaps you do not think you can let your grievances go. That, however, is simply a matter of motivation (W-pI.68.1:1-4:3).

I intentionally quoted this lesson up to this particular point. I will leave it up to the discerning reader to discover why. How do we work to let go of grievances? The Course does not leave us to our habituated devices here either…

Ken: Lesson 121 shows us the nature of joining with what we see as an “enemy.” “Now are you one with them, and they with you” (W-pI.121.13:2). Lesson 122 shows us the awful face we’ve projected on others that reflects that awful face we think we possess. “Forgiveness lets the veil be lifted up that hides the face of Christ from those who look with unforgiving eyes upon the world. It lets you recognize the Son of God, and clears your memory of all dead thoughts…” (W-pI.122.3:1-2). The world you see is an “outside picture of an inward condition” (T-21.Intro.1:5). What’s revolutionary is that I never knew I had an inward condition. I never knew I had a mind. The mind holds our power to choose and the ego tries to keep us out of it, mindless and in a body among other bodies. This course takes us on a journey from the mindless to the mindful, to become mindful instead of mindless. My attack on you is a defense against an imminent attack on me. The separation from God never happened. This is the atonement. The memory of God can then arise across the threshold of your mind. It was always there. We just covered it over with the veil of guilt and the veil of the world. J lifts the veil. Anger and attack thoughts make that veil. When we recognize that, the choice for the right mind is inevitable.

Question: Is the memory of God reinstalled by the Holy Spirit?

Ken: The memory of God is remembered rather than reinstalled. I don’t know who installs memories of God these days…the same people that wrote the Concordance perhaps. This path is easier than going to the yellow pages. Whether I’m 2 or 50 doesn’t matter. Children appearing here have already chosen to separate. The mind has a fully developed ego and Holy Spirit. The brain must develop. The ego loves poor innocent children. Because this proves adults can then not be innocent…one or the other…sinner and sinless. Who’s the sinner and who’s the sinned against? Victim and criminal. I would tend not to trust little children any more than I would trust adults. No one in their

right mind would come here [to “psycho planet” or the “un-merry-go-round” as described in D.U. pg. 115].

Question: What about the beauty of nature? Is it wrong to find peace watching a sunset?

Ken: Are you enamored with the beauty of nature? Do you need it to feel that sense of satisfaction? Is natural beauty now your salvation? Has it become a false idol? You know it is when you say, “I can have a nice day today if…” and the “if” exists outside of yourself. Time “away from it all” can have a dual purpose: 1. To escape (seek salvation without), or 2. To regain your right mind. The choice is ours. Be kind and gentle to yourself. If a retreat is helpful…can anything in this world offer what forgiveness offers us? The triumph over God says, “I don’t need your love.” What we can get from a bottle, public acclaim, another person…God would not give in terms of looking upon our specialness and make it real. Then we reject God. Empty promises are the negotiation of the world. It doesn’t undo the problem of perceived lack. Jesus is a mind dentist that goes after the source of our pain. He does not just numb the pain with Novocain and send us home. This Course is radical because it gets at the root. Radical means root.iv

Ken Returning to Lesson 122: “What fancied value, trivial effect or transient promise, never to be kept, can hold more hope than what forgiveness brings” (W-pI.122.3:5)?

We take a break with this thought in mind. Around this point, a woman in the audience approached me. “How did you come here?” she asked. Hmm. By truck, I thought sarcastically. “I was guided,” I answered with apparent confusion in my countenance. “How did you find Ken?” Ohhhh. I explained to her my impulsive search for truth, my attention to detail and inconsistency, and all that led me to seek out the supposed “best teacher” of Course principles the world will ever have. She affirmed my guidance by remarking I had found the real deal in Ken and his teaching style. She alluded to the many alternatives that exist in the world. The poignancy of this interaction was lost on me until a friend related stories of other self-styled Course “Master Teachers” parading the landscape these days. I guess I’m pleased to have been put on a more authentic path, but I certainly can take no responsibility. I go where I feel guided…sometimes that guidance is mistaken. This time, I feel confident it was not.

Ken, continuing with paragraph 4 after this break: “Why would you seek an answer other than the answer that will answer everything” (W-pI.122.4:1)? If you feel this is your path, watch how you resist it. Why would you seek another answer when this is the response to what you’ve asked? Now the celestial putdown: “Here is the perfect answer, given to imperfect questions, meaningless requests, halfhearted willingness to hear, and less than halfway diligence and partial trust. Here is the answer!” (W-pI.122.4:2-3). Our resistance is not in playing the flute, but to where playing the flute will bring us. Forgiveness is fine as long as it’s forgiveness to destroy…keeping us

iv Radical: Latin “radic-, radix root…of, relating to, or proceeding from a root…”.

within the world. As long as Jesus remains with us within the dream, the world loves and accepts. A Jesus that is without and beckons us to leave is a threat. “He the End we seek, and He the Means by which we go to Him” (W-pII.302.2:3). True forgiveness is a problem to the ego because it undoes the separation. How does your resistance manifest itself? Forget the lesson, forget repetition, forget even that there is a lesson!? A lot of students would get an alarm wristwatch to remind them of the hourly affirmation. This chews to hell awareness of our resistance to the lessons. You can understand that this undercuts the aim of the workbook. The idea is to become a master of the principles. You won’t know what your wrong mind does to sabotage without doing the workbook imperfectly, and then forgive your imperfection.

This was the first time I was aware of the passion behind Ken’s rigorous honesty with regards to the Course’s teachings. In previous discussions he makes it clear that it is not our concern how others will use the Course. Why then should he care if a wristwatch “chews to hell” resistance to Truth? Even though Ken is, and will be, lauded as the greatest “teacher” of the Course, consider what Arten and Pursah from D.U. have to say in response to Gary’s question about how long mastery takes on page 93:

ARTEN: Everybody asks that, and nobody likes the answer at first. The answer is it happens when it happens. Still, the time comes before that when you’re so happy that the question doesn’t really matter anymore! In any case, since the Holy Spirit is your Inner Teacher, you should always expect to be a student as long as you appear to be in a body. [italics mine]

Why was Ken so excited about this mechanism for internalizing Course principles? Does a wristwatch really subvert our awareness of our resistance to the love of God? I don’t know, but I do know that Ken’s tone seemed judgmental. As though students in a body that choose to use a wristwatch alarm are somehow poor students. I’m sure I perceived his message incorrectly, but I also recognize that Ken is just as much a student as I or any-body else. He also happens to exemplify the best traits a student could have. Finally, if Ken’s statement was in fact judgmental, it was most certainly a judgment of the idea of “chewing to hell” and not the people employing the technique…in other words, I think here he was hating the game and not the player so to speak.

Ken: Respect both halves of your split mind…the right mind that leads home and the wrong mind the keeps you in hell. Judge neither and attack neither. “God’s plan for your salvation cannot change, nor can it fail” (W-pI.122.5:1). Understand that God does not have a plan. We never left. Jesus uses our set of symbols laden with guilt and fear to lead us home…to include the anthropomorphism of God. This language meets us where we are. The Jews as “chosen people” depend on God’s Plan for salvation. The Suffering Servant of Isaiah and the references to Jesus in the New Testament…my God, it’s the same God, because the same ego wrote these accounts.

It’s important to note that Ken is illustrating a conventional belief that Paul created a “New Religion” in Christianity that simply mimicked the God of the Old Testament in a new skin. On page 264 of D.U., Pursah says this:

…Paul’s letters were eventually taken quite literally as Gospel. One of the reasons he thought the way he did was because he believed in the old scripture. We’ve stressed that Christianity was a continuation of the old deal in a new package. If you were to read Chapter 53 of Isaiah, especially Verses 5 through 10, you’d see the attitude of Christianity in a nutshell!

Okay, so now let’s look at the KJV:

Isaiah 53:1 Who hath believed our report? and to whom is the arm of the LORD revealed? [2] For he shall grow up before him as a tender plant, and as a root out of a dry ground: he hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, [there is] no beauty that we should desire him. [3] He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were [our] faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not. [4] Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of G-d, and afflicted. [5] But he [was] wounded for our transgressions, [he was] bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace [was] upon him; and with his stripes we are healed. [6] All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the LORD hath laid on him the iniquity of us all. [7] He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth: he is brought as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so he openeth not his mouth. [8] He was taken from prison and from judgment: and who shall declare his generation? for he was cut off out of the land of the living: for the transgression of my people was he stricken. [9] And he made his grave with the wicked, and with the rich in his death; because he had done no violence, neither [was any] deceit in his mouth. [10] Yet it pleased the LORD to bruise him; he hath put [him] to grief: when thou shalt make his soul an offering for sin, he shall see [his] seed, he shall prolong [his] days, and the pleasure of the LORD shall prosper in his hand.v

Hmm…at least this seems consistent with the bible’s rendition of Christ. Unfortunately, there’s nothing really new about it. Is new necessary? Has technology, or the new wave of doing things really made our lives any better? I submit that the answer is no. However, when it comes to a spiritual path, and I think many would agree (not that I need allies here), that something is not working with many of our current mainstream paths. Religion and Cultural Christianity seems to fall well short of answering the questions of creation and reality raised by science and integral Biblical Study.

Ken: Jesus purges these 2,500-year-old symbols of guilt and fear [biblical language] and uses them to lead us home. He turns around these ideas of the Second Coming and the Last Judgment and extracts the fear. Anything that bespeaks of God as a person, “he weeps, is lonely, father, hands, face, has a plan…” all are metaphors to correct what the ego has done. He transforms the language with a different content. Love rather than fear, guilt, and punishment. This may lead to some confusion. Some ask, “Why can’t he say it like he means it? Why do we need 600 some odd pages of Text, a Workbook for Students, Manual for teachers…?” If J were to simply state his message, it would have been something like, “This is a Course in Miracles, please take notes, ‘God is’…” would be the end of His statement. Your complaint is registered. “…[A] Oneness joined asvi One” (T-25.I.7:1). You will not understand what this means,

v http://www.messiahtruth.com/isai53a.html

therefore, your teacher must speak to you in the condition in which you are…at the bottom of the ladder, climbing to the real world at the top, speaking a language of duality. When you’re ready to accept others, new lines will appear to open eyes. The more you view something, the deeper you will access the message. The same applies to the Course. You will see things differently each time you view it. After the 7 th, 10th, 20th time, things will appear that weren’t apparent the first several times. Helen was driven up a wall by the sentence splicing, awkward grammar, imprecision…if you read it like a great and epic poem rather than a scientific treatise (with the heart to the heart) then you will glean its intent. You will understand where it is coming from if you desire to understand. In chapter 2, J says, “do not call a miracle a miracle of healing” (T-2.IV.1:3). This grossly contradicts a statement later (T-19.I.14:5). The content is consistent, not the form. Do not accept any compromise where death is a part. God is not a homo sapiens. His anthropomorphism is a symbol. Jesus is telling his little brother or sister [us] a nice bedtime story rather than the ego’s alternative. “Daddy loves you,” is the message. Later, when no fairy tales are necessary, he says: “GOD IS, good night.” It all depends on what we can accept without fear. Talk sweetly the way Jesus talks to us when you encounter others that are fearful. You should not aim to be metaphysically correct. Be loving. Tell them something that will make them feel better. The words don’t matter. God does not weep. “God is lonely.” That’s blasphemy. “God is incomplete without you.” That’s heresy! The spirit of the message, the content is kindness. You teach this Course on truth of content not form. Loving! Make them feel good

Hmm. I cannot yet accept this sentiment of Ken’s entirely. It is inconsistent with my sense of being truly helpful and with Gary’s experience with Arten and Pursah in D.U.. In the very earliest stages of Gary’s experience with these ascended masters, Arten says:

We’re not going to be easy on you or tell you what you want to hear. If you want to be handled with kid gloves, then go to a theme park. If you’re ready to be treated like an adult who has a right to know why nothing in your universe can possible work in the long run, then we’ll get down to business (pg. 6).

Perhaps Gary’s teachers understand what he can and cannot handle without fear and that the words do matter to him. Perhaps Ken is simply trying to emphasize the content of love. I still struggle with this idea that he puts forth though. I understand that the Course asks us, “Do you prefer that you be right or happy” (T-29.VII.1:9)? Perhaps my attachment to metaphysical accuracy is a desire to be right.

Ken: The inconsistency in form is part of J’s underlying purpose to get us home. “God’s plan for your salvation cannot change, nor can it fail. Be thankful it remains exactly as He planned it. Changelessly it stands before you like an open door…” (W-pI.122.5:1-3). Our home is beyond this doorway similar to the path secured by the Magic Flute. “Here is the answer! Would you stand outside while all of Heaven waits for you within” (W-pI.122.6:1-2)? Why are we fearful of going within? If you look in the mirror and see someone looking back, the litmus tests positive that you still want to be here. This is but another symbol of your resistance. Be aware of this without judgment. We want to stay on the outside of the temple which is why we need a Course, workbook,

flute…Jesus is looking at the underside of the facades by lifting the veil over the cesspool of guilt concealed by the body. Many people would not buy the Course if they knew what it said. Everyone wants a quick fix. The Course is not a quick fix. Your eyes gloss over grizzly and graphic passages about the ego.

Ken hit a chord for me here. The litmus test for my desire to return to heaven continues to show me my resistance. Here’s an example: the day before this workshop, I was sitting on a beach in San Diego. I had set aside this time to commit to memory the Course’s equivalent of the Lord’s Prayer:

Forgive us our illusions, Father, and help us to accept our true relationship with You, in which there are no illusions, and where none can ever enter. Our holiness is Yours. What can there be in us that needs forgiveness when Yours is perfect? The sleep of forgetfulness is only the unwillingness to remember Your forgiveness and Your Love. Let us not wander into temptation, for the temptation of the Son of God is not Your Will. And let us receive only what You have given, and accept but this into the minds which You created and which You love. Amen (T-16.VII.12:1-7).

Under normal circumstances, I find little difficulty in committing to memory quotations, sayings, or prayers. On this particular afternoon, with this particular passage, I encountered almost debilitating resistance. My eyes became heavy, my attention wandered, the ego put forth all manner of excuses for giving up the goal. When I had committed all but the last line of the prayer to memory I encountered the strongest resistance of all. I must have read and re-read that last sentence a dozen times. It was gibberish to me. I could neither make sense of the message, nor could I remember the words.

Robert Skutch, co-founder and director of the Foundation for Inner Peace, publishers of the Course, wrote in his book, Journey Without Distance, about Helen Schucman’s experience in taking down this section as The Voice dictated. Apparently, at this point in Helen’s scribing, she felt as though she had totally lost her mind (pg. 67). When Bill Thetford—Helen’s coworker and collaborator in writing the Course—read aloud what she had written the morning following dictation “[he] was barely able to finish without his voice cracking…[she] burst into tears. Instantaneously they each recognized that what Helen had been unwilling to comprehend the night before was clearly the Course’s version of the Lord’s Prayer” (pg. 68). I felt some consolation on this point. Even as I type this, I recognize that the for last couple of weeks I have been leaving an entire line out during recitation: “The sleep of forgetfulness is only the unwillingness to remember Your forgiveness and Your Love.” Good grief!

Similarly, I recently had a revelatory experience while “sleeping” one night of flying into a vast expanse of white light. These “flying” dreams are not uncommon to me. Typically, they precipitate from some imagery of loving contact…the kiss of a loved one, the touch of the same, or a loving gaze. This particular “flight” I was still aware of my body as I typically am in these experiences. I remember my chest and torso beginning to dissolve into the whiteness. As my face and hands also began to dissolve, I felt, or more correctly, thought, of a burning sensation on my lips and forehead. At that

point, The Voice said, “that is as much as you can accept without fear right now,” and I “awoke” from this experience. It took the previous two examples—memorizing the prayer, and the fear of my body dissolving into what appeared to be nothingness—to recognize just how deeply my resistance goes. Thank you Ken for helping me to be aware of this simple, yet truly revealing test of our unwillingness to let go of this world! I guess I’m not yet ready to be faceless. I must still identify with my pictured ID.

Ken: I as a separate person cannot pass into Heaven. I would much rather Heaven come to me. We say, “Save me Jesus, so I can feel happy and sinless here.” But I must walk through the valley of desolation. We need a thought system of protection in order to walk through the circle of fear. It means questioning the very premises of our existence and understanding the foundation of our existence lies on anger, fear, attack. From the text:

Forgive and be forgiven. As you give you will receive. There is no plan but this for the salvation of the Son of God. Let us today rejoice that this is so, for here we have an answer, clear and plain, beyond deceit in its simplicity. All the complexities the world has spun of fragile cobwebs disappear before the power and the majesty of this extremely simple statement of the truth (W-pI.122.6:3-7).

These are not heavy bands of steel that bind us. They disappear when you play the Magic Flute. What you thought was terrible and awful…nothing. Fear and the ego is this little mouse in the corner of the universe yelling its lungs out. The ego demands, coerces, kills, cajoles…ascend above the battleground and see that it is nothing (T-23.IV). Forgive and be forgiven. Then there is no guilt, no sin, no separation, no me. To keep me, I must keep all of these other things. Here is the resistance. I lose me. Forgiveness is the solution to hate: past, present, and anticipated hateables. The same applies to those we loved, love, and will love still with the Holy Spirit. When we stand before the final obstacle to peace we either pass through the last veil or wander off to come this way again (T-19.IV.D.10:8). Releasing our binds on others chained in guilt will release us. We have the flute and we put it down, even though it has our name on it. Then we forget where we put it and say someone took it. “Accept salvation now” (W-pI.122.7:3). Jesus presents us with both the gifts of the ego and the gifts of God. The ego offers gifts bound in time. God’s gifts are timeless. We are left to choose, to compare. The Course teaches us not to value what is valueless. The ego’s flute plays in minor key while God’s is a major C. These dreams of cobwebs are nothing. The world is one giant smokescreen to conceal the simple truth that God is not many but one and the problem is already undone. The world shows a myriad of problems that cannot be undone, ever. This is but a pack of lies built on nothing. “Nothing will come of nothing” (King Lear quoted in Ken’s Healing the Dream of Sickness, Part V). All we have to do is play the flute of Forgiveness. The wild animals will dissolve. “Open your eyes today and look upon a happy world of safety and of peace” (W-pI.122.8:1). Our minds eye yields vision. A world of bodies could not be safe. We are not only at war with God but also with everyone else. Heads of state fight because everybody fights and lies…that’s the nature of the ego system. The world has never left its source of deceit. To make the unconscious conscious is to make guilt disappear through our awareness. “In quietness it

rises up to greet your open eyes, and fill your heart with deep tranquility as ancient truths, forever newly born, arise in your awareness” (W-pI.122.8:3).

Ken finished the workshop with a quotation from The Gifts of God on page 117: “‘Choose once again’ is still your only hope. Darkness cannot conceal the gifts of God unless you want it so.” We then shared a moment of silence before he thanked us all for coming and we seemed to separate…

23 March 2007Preparing to leave for another Ken Wapnick seminar in Santa Fe, NM I began to reflect with a greater interest on some of my most profound forgiveness lessons of late:

7 Jun 04, Doc 1 of 7 (spent approx. 4 months observing): “Lt Lawrence has a bipolar illness...”

17 Jun 04, Doc 7 of 7 (reviewed file, spoke with family, interviewed for 2.5 hrs): “…Lt. Lawrence has a DSM IV diagnosis of Delusional Disorder (Grandiose Type) [297.1].”

24 Jun 04, Findings and Recommended Disposition of USAF Physical Evaluation Board: “Unfitting conditions…Delusional Disorder”

29 Nov 05, Findings and Rec…: “Unfitting conditions…Delusional Disorder, Unspecified Associated with History of Bipolar Disorder, Not Otherwise Specified…vii”

vii This process continues…no group of doctors/physicians has been able to cooperatively state what is really going on. Fortunately, I believe I am now experiencing the truest state of mind I ever have. There seems to be little consistency in either diagnosis or prognosis from the military establishment. Within the framework of the Course, however, everything about this process is beginning to make sense. You see, I believe we are all experiencing an insane condition while trying to reconcile dual states in a bipolar world where illusions dominate our awareness. What will the doctors say about me next? My inclination is that perhaps we have a shared interest in providing transition assistance for other veterans experiencing extreme mental states. Can I be “in” the world of attack/delusion/bipolarity/separation and not be “of” it? I expect the lessons will continue until I have fully released my attachment to form and IDentification. I still carry DD FORM 2, a military ID…it says: UNITED STATES UNIFORMED SERVICES, U.S. AIR FORCE RETIRED, CAPT/O3…LAWRENCE, JASON M with my smiling mug in the middle. It’s blue instead of the active duty green. Yes, that’s right…while the doctor notes refer to Lieutenant Lawrence, my withheld promotion was eventually allowed…I couldn’t possibly tell you why. I do know that it’s not an accident. So, that’s all I have to share for now. I hope that something contained within this piece resonated with you, the reader. Finally, it only seemed appropriate to end the endnotes with the symbolic number “7” due to its universal acceptance as a neat number…and because this whole diatribe is about looking at the symbols of the world in a different/better way…and because, well, no more because…it just felt right I extend to you unconditional love, lasting peace of mind, and happy trails along the paths you find your life taking!


ENDNOTES

vi I think I perceived “A Oneness joined is One” in Ken’s workshop. The Course can be quoted accurately with “as One.” It’s a fine point, I know, but whether the mistake lies in my perception or Ken’s rendition does not matter. What matters is forgiveness. Therefore, forgive us both for any mistakes. Corrections to this document will be duly noted. Should you find any, please don’t hesitate to contact me: [email protected].

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