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Marion Balla, M.Ed., M.S.W., R.S.W., www.adleriancentre.com Ottawa, Ontario CANADA MANAGING LIFE TRANSITIONS NASAP 2017 Vancouver, British Columbia

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Page 1: NASAP 2017 Vancouver, British Columbia · “Oh, I’ve had moments, and if I had to do it over again. I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try to have nothing else. Just moment,

Marion Balla, M.Ed., M.S.W., R.S.W., www.adleriancentre.com

Ottawa, Ontario CANADA

MANAGING LIFE TRANSITIONS

NASAP 2017

Vancouver, British Columbia

Page 2: NASAP 2017 Vancouver, British Columbia · “Oh, I’ve had moments, and if I had to do it over again. I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try to have nothing else. Just moment,

Managing Life Transitions

“Who are you?” said the Caterpillar…

“I – I hardly know, Sir, just at present,” Alice replied rather shyly, “at least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.”

Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

2

Page 3: NASAP 2017 Vancouver, British Columbia · “Oh, I’ve had moments, and if I had to do it over again. I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try to have nothing else. Just moment,

Life is change;

growth is optional;

Choose wisely.

Karen Kaiser Clark

Page 4: NASAP 2017 Vancouver, British Columbia · “Oh, I’ve had moments, and if I had to do it over again. I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try to have nothing else. Just moment,

If change leaves you breathless,

learn to breathe differently.

Page 5: NASAP 2017 Vancouver, British Columbia · “Oh, I’ve had moments, and if I had to do it over again. I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try to have nothing else. Just moment,

The Talmud

We see things not as they are, but as we are.

The Talmud

Page 6: NASAP 2017 Vancouver, British Columbia · “Oh, I’ve had moments, and if I had to do it over again. I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try to have nothing else. Just moment,

The true journey of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having fresh

eyes.

Marcel Proust

Page 7: NASAP 2017 Vancouver, British Columbia · “Oh, I’ve had moments, and if I had to do it over again. I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try to have nothing else. Just moment,

Life

For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin – real life.

But there was always some obstacle in the way,

something to be gotten through first,

some unfinished business, time still to be served, or a debt to be paid.

Then life would begin.

At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.

Alfred D. Souza

iclipart.com

Page 8: NASAP 2017 Vancouver, British Columbia · “Oh, I’ve had moments, and if I had to do it over again. I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try to have nothing else. Just moment,

Early Memory Exercise

• Choose a memory related to coping with change under the age of 10 yrs.

• Describe what you see in the memory, focusing on the child’s experience.

• What feelings does the child experience within this memory?

• What strategies did the child use to manage change?

Page 9: NASAP 2017 Vancouver, British Columbia · “Oh, I’ve had moments, and if I had to do it over again. I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try to have nothing else. Just moment,

Early Memory Exercise (cont’d)

• How are the strategies and feelings different or the same in your life today?

• Rewrite the memory as you wish it could have happened. How would you change your response, the circumstances, the other people (if any present in your memory)?

Page 10: NASAP 2017 Vancouver, British Columbia · “Oh, I’ve had moments, and if I had to do it over again. I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try to have nothing else. Just moment,

Transition

Change is a shift in a life situation.

– Transition is the inner process through which people

– come to terms with a change, as they let go of the

–way things used to be and reorient themselves to the way things are now.

Page 11: NASAP 2017 Vancouver, British Columbia · “Oh, I’ve had moments, and if I had to do it over again. I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try to have nothing else. Just moment,

Transition

–Managing transition means helping people to make

– that difficult process less painful and disruptive.

– “…change is a wall and transition is a gate in that wall, it’s there for you to go through.”

Page 12: NASAP 2017 Vancouver, British Columbia · “Oh, I’ve had moments, and if I had to do it over again. I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try to have nothing else. Just moment,

Three Phases of a Transition Process

1. The process begins with an ending – a letting go.

2. Then moves to a neutral zone – being in two places, old and new.

3. Embracing a new beginning.

William Bridges

Page 13: NASAP 2017 Vancouver, British Columbia · “Oh, I’ve had moments, and if I had to do it over again. I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try to have nothing else. Just moment,

Transitions

• Transitions have both losses and gains within them.

• Transitions are a process not an outcome. • Transitions can only be managed in the present

time zone. • Transitions are managed more easily with

support and encouragement from others.

Page 14: NASAP 2017 Vancouver, British Columbia · “Oh, I’ve had moments, and if I had to do it over again. I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try to have nothing else. Just moment,

CREATIVE

SELF

Social

Relationships

(Social)

Occupational

(Work)

Intimate

Relationships

(Love)

Spiritual

Life Tasks

14

Page 15: NASAP 2017 Vancouver, British Columbia · “Oh, I’ve had moments, and if I had to do it over again. I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try to have nothing else. Just moment,
Page 16: NASAP 2017 Vancouver, British Columbia · “Oh, I’ve had moments, and if I had to do it over again. I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try to have nothing else. Just moment,

Making change happen: the change curve

Chaos

Awareness of

Loss Commitment to a New

Beginning

Reorientation and Explanation

Change:

Transition:

Endings:

Neutral Zone:

Beginnings:

Resonance:

Resistance:

Page 17: NASAP 2017 Vancouver, British Columbia · “Oh, I’ve had moments, and if I had to do it over again. I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try to have nothing else. Just moment,
Page 18: NASAP 2017 Vancouver, British Columbia · “Oh, I’ve had moments, and if I had to do it over again. I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try to have nothing else. Just moment,

Definitions

Stress: a response of the body to any demand made upon it.

Stressor: the factors in our lives that produce stress

"Stress is a necessary and normal human experience, a part of living."

Source: Hans Selye

Page 19: NASAP 2017 Vancouver, British Columbia · “Oh, I’ve had moments, and if I had to do it over again. I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try to have nothing else. Just moment,

Stress Mythology Listed below are some of the commonly held misconceptions

surrounding stress.

1. "All people experience stress in the same way."

2. "You always know when you're beginning to suffer from excessive stress

3. "Only weak people suffer from stress."

4. "People bring stress on themselves."

5. "Pleasant, happy events don't cause stress."

Page 20: NASAP 2017 Vancouver, British Columbia · “Oh, I’ve had moments, and if I had to do it over again. I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try to have nothing else. Just moment,

The Human Function Curve Good Stress Distress

The

Hump

Fatigue

Arousal/Stress

Perf

orm

ance

Breakdown

Exhaustion

Ill Health

Healthy

Tension

Comfort

Zone

Page 21: NASAP 2017 Vancouver, British Columbia · “Oh, I’ve had moments, and if I had to do it over again. I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try to have nothing else. Just moment,

Living in the Present Moment

Page 22: NASAP 2017 Vancouver, British Columbia · “Oh, I’ve had moments, and if I had to do it over again. I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try to have nothing else. Just moment,

Living in the Present Moment

Challenges:

•Tendency to focus on regret from past and worry about future – not the present.

•Hard to accept ever changing nature of things.

•Tendency to cling to pleasure, success or avoid pain, failure.

•Mind and behaviours are so conditioned by habits and boundaries of the past.

Page 23: NASAP 2017 Vancouver, British Columbia · “Oh, I’ve had moments, and if I had to do it over again. I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try to have nothing else. Just moment,

Living in the Present Moment

“Oh, I’ve had moments, and if I had to do it over again. I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try

to have nothing else. Just moment, one after another, instead of living so many years ahead

of each day.”

Nadine Stair Wisdom of 80 yr. old

Page 24: NASAP 2017 Vancouver, British Columbia · “Oh, I’ve had moments, and if I had to do it over again. I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try to have nothing else. Just moment,

Humour and Well-Being

• The medicine of the soul, or the sound of its healing is laughter.

• Humour is the key to opening the doors of Well-Being

Page 25: NASAP 2017 Vancouver, British Columbia · “Oh, I’ve had moments, and if I had to do it over again. I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try to have nothing else. Just moment,

Physiological Benefits

• “Inner Jogging”

• every system in the body gets a workout

• endorphins/opiates are released

• works the heart and lungs

• increases flexibility

• increases muscular strength

Page 26: NASAP 2017 Vancouver, British Columbia · “Oh, I’ve had moments, and if I had to do it over again. I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try to have nothing else. Just moment,

Psychological Benefits

• Humour gives us personal power

• Humour helps us to cope

• Humour provides perspective

• Humour keeps us balanced

Page 27: NASAP 2017 Vancouver, British Columbia · “Oh, I’ve had moments, and if I had to do it over again. I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try to have nothing else. Just moment,

Creating Humour What are the five characteristics of people who love to laugh and demonstrate a sense

of humour about themselves and their lives?

1. They have enthusiasm for life and for being alive.

2. They have belief in life and look forward while enjoying the journey they are travelling.

3. They demonstrate love for self and others and are open and accepting in relationships.

4. They forgive the mistakes of self and others.

5. They persevere in setting goals, taking responsibility and facing adversity without giving up or giving in.

Page 28: NASAP 2017 Vancouver, British Columbia · “Oh, I’ve had moments, and if I had to do it over again. I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try to have nothing else. Just moment,

when my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got

arthritis too. That’s love.

Rebecca – age 8

Love is…

Page 29: NASAP 2017 Vancouver, British Columbia · “Oh, I’ve had moments, and if I had to do it over again. I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try to have nothing else. Just moment,

when someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know

that you name is safe in their mouth

Billy – Age 4

Love is…

Page 30: NASAP 2017 Vancouver, British Columbia · “Oh, I’ve had moments, and if I had to do it over again. I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try to have nothing else. Just moment,

when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.

Mary Ann – Age 4

Love is…

Page 31: NASAP 2017 Vancouver, British Columbia · “Oh, I’ve had moments, and if I had to do it over again. I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try to have nothing else. Just moment,

when you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars

come out of you.

Karen – Age 7

Love is…

Page 32: NASAP 2017 Vancouver, British Columbia · “Oh, I’ve had moments, and if I had to do it over again. I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try to have nothing else. Just moment,

My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don’t see anyone else

kissing me to sleep at night.

Elaine – Age 5

Love

Page 33: NASAP 2017 Vancouver, British Columbia · “Oh, I’ve had moments, and if I had to do it over again. I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try to have nothing else. Just moment,

I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has

to go out and buy new ones.

Lauren – Age 4

Love

Page 34: NASAP 2017 Vancouver, British Columbia · “Oh, I’ve had moments, and if I had to do it over again. I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try to have nothing else. Just moment,

You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.

Jessica – Age 8

Love

Page 35: NASAP 2017 Vancouver, British Columbia · “Oh, I’ve had moments, and if I had to do it over again. I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try to have nothing else. Just moment,

Risks

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool

To weep is to risk appearing sentimental

To reach out to another is to risk involvement

To explore feelings is to risk exploring our true self

To place ideas, your dreams before the crowd is to risk loss

To love is to risk dying

To hope is to risk despair

To try is to risk failure

But risk we must

Because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.

Leo Buscaglia


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