My Name Isn’t Adam!“The Couples Marriage Survival Guide”

by Trevor J. Finn

Foundation

The Man and Woman in Eden [Genesis 2:4-25 NLT]

When the LORD God made the earth and the heavens, 5 neither wild plants nor grains were growing on the earth. For the LORD God had not yet sent rain to water the earth,

and there were no people to cultivate the soil. 6 Instead, springs came up from the ground and watered all the land. 7 Then the LORD God formed the man from the dust of

the ground. He breathed the breath of life into the man’s nostrils, and the man became a living person.

8 Then the LORD God planted a garden in Eden in the east, and there he placed the man he had made. 9 The LORD God made all sorts of trees grow up from the ground—trees that

were beautiful and that produced delicious fruit. In the middle of the garden he placed the tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

10 A river flowed from the land of Eden, watering the garden and then dividing into four branches. 11 The first branch, called the Pishon, flowed around the entire land of Havilah,

where gold is found. 12 The gold of that land is exceptionally pure; aromatic resin and onyx stone are also found there. 13 The second branch, called the Gihon, flowed around the entire land of Cush. 14 The third branch, called the Tigris, flowed east of the land of

Asshur. The fourth branch is called the Euphrates.

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15 The LORD God placed the man in the Garden of Eden to tend and watch over it. 16 But the LORD God warned him, “You may freely eat the fruit of every tree in the garden—17

except the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. If you eat its fruit, you are sure to die.”

18 Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” 19 So the LORD God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would call them,

and the man chose a name for each one. 20 He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him.

21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the LORD God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. 22 Then the LORD God

made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man.

23 “At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone,

and flesh from my flesh!She will be called ‘woman,’

because she was taken from ‘man.’”

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24 This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.

25 Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame.

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Practical Commentary

Adam was the first person made in the image of God and the first human being to share an intimate personal relationship with God.

His greatest mistake was that , he teamed up with Eve to bring sin into the world.Before God made Eve He already had given Adam complete freedom in the garden, with the responsibility to tend and care for it. But one tree was off limits, the tree of

the knowledge of good and evil. Adam would have told Eve all about this. Right?

She knew when Satan approached her that the tree’s fruit was not to be eaten. However, she decided to eat the forbidden fruit. Then she offered some to Adam. At

that moment, the fate of creation was on the line. Sadly, Adam didn’t pause to consider the consequences. He went ahead and ate. In that moment of small rebellion

something large, beautiful, and free was shattered…God’s perfect creation.

Man was separated from God by his desire to act on his own. In the case of man’s sin, however, God already had a plan in motion to overcome the effects of the rebellion.

The entire Bible is the story of how that plan unfolds, ultimately leading to God’s own visit to earth through His Son, Jesus. His sinless life and death made it possible for God to offer forgiveness to all who want it. Our small and large acts of rebellion prove that

we are descendents of Adam. Only by asking forgiveness of Jesus Christ can we become children of God.

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Why did Adam eat the fruit when he knew God instructed him not to? The answer can be found in the first case of peer pressure. Many spouses today do things to

please their mates at the expense of peace and avoiding confrontation. Lets face it, if your spouse asked you to pickup some groceries at halftime of the game you would probably say yes just to appease them so that you can continue watching the game

without further interruption. Ladies and gentlemen, I know that was a generalization but is the reality of your married relationship far off?

We are instructed in the Bible to leave [father & mother], cleave [be joined to one another (marriage)] and the two shall become one [spiritual and physical

reproduction]. The world has taught us to do things in the reverse. The two shall become one [sexual relations], cleave [move in together] and leave [ stay under

parents roof until we either get pushed out or they die and leave us the house]. No wonder so many marriages are in trouble. We have moved away from the divine order

of God. There is hope if we return to having an intimate personal relationship with God through His Son Jesus Christ and become committed to our marriage partner.

How do we become committed to one another? Following are some practical tips that can help your marriage survive the rough times and then thrive.

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In Genesis 2:24 & 25, it tells us the keys to a strong healthy marriage. A healthy marriage relationship is built upon commitment, companionship, complete oneness

and the absence of shame. Also remember the divine order God instituted, the husband is to be the covering for his wife & family and the wife is to be a helper to her husband. However that translates to you and your spouse, you both need to sit down and discuss the roles and order of your current relationship and make plans to adjust

going forward based on Genesis 2:24 & 25.

Here are something's men can do to love and cover their wives:• Love your wife

• Build an emotional connection with your wife• Study your wife and learn her subtleties

• Listen well, observe her mode and give gifts of love • Empathize with her feelings instead of solving her problems every time

Here are something’s a wife can do to be a helper to her husband:• Respect your husband

• Affirm your husbands desire to work and provide for his family• Understand his sexual desires to be with his wife

• He communicates without emotion and just wants the bottom line• He is a linear thinker and singularly focused

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Let’s move away from spending more time on getting [dating] our spouse and planning the wedding than actually working on having a successful marriage. Mark

Gungor says, “Marriages take courage, discipline and endurance.”

• Courage: It takes courage to work through all layers of "stuff" we haul around, from masks to defense mechanisms to the select relational cover-ups we’ve mastered over the years. It takes guts to face yourself, to say to your spouse, "This is me. I know I'm wrong and I'm not proud of it.“

• Discipline: When you look at successful people, you will find one thing in every case: it takes discipline to become successful at anything. Failure, for the most part, is due to people letting things slide. There is a lack of discipline. Here is a practical idea: Don't go to bed mad. It was the apostle Paul who wrote, "Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry." (Ephesians 4:26) Decide in advance (a secret to being disciplined) that whenever you get into a spat, you will at least quash the negative emotions associated with the argument. And do it before you fall asleep (this will make for some long nights). You might not get the issue resolved, but you at least get past the hurt of disagreement.

• Endurance: Endurance refuses to cash in -- it pushes past quitting points. We live in a culture where we have come to expect things instantly.

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In high school I ran track as a sprinter and the 100 yard dash was my favorite event. At the time I never understood why I had to run sprints and distances above 100 yards at practice. My main focus was speed and quickness but my coach explained those are

two important elements but endurance is the other key. You see marriage is not a sprint it’s a marathon. Today’s society can be called the microwave generation. We

want things fast [cars, money, sex, checkout lines etc.] but a successful marriage should be able to endure. Not breakup at the whiff of trouble or crumble because we

don’t feel like being there anymore.

Mark Gungor says, “In a sprint, one of the most critical elements is the start. On the other hand, the start of a marathon is not important at all. It’s the endurance. He also

adds that, “Couples blame their start as the reason for their struggles. They are convinced that the poor start is the reason for their troubles, but they are wrong. It is not the start that leads to a failed marriage, but the unwillingness to endure the race.

You don't do marathons quickly. You have to spread out your energy over time. Endurance is what empowers a couple over the long haul. It will enable you to push through all familiar conflict zones for the 10,000th time without quitting. Scripture urges, "Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in.” (Hebrews 12:2) Study how He did it. Because He never lost sight of where He was headed -- that exhilarating finish in and with God -- He could put up with anything along the way: cross, shame, whatever. That's endurance. It makes marriages last.”

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A married couple are a team and on a team there are sacrifices to be made, compromises that need to take place. Everyone can’t be the star, the go to person or get the ball on every play, on a team. It goes back to roles and order. If you know your role and adhere to divine order it’s easy to defer to you wife in the area of balancing the checkbook because she is good at it or compromising with your husband to cook dinner several times a week because you get home before he does. Here are a few

quotes about teamwork that married couples should implement:

• "Teamwork is the fuel that allows common people to attain uncommon results." ~ Andrew Carnegie

• "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has." ~ Margaret Meade

• "Coming together is a beginning; keeping together is progress; working together is success." ~ Henry Ford

Next lets look at another practical way we can build strong successful marriages by taking a look at Ephesians 5:21-33

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21Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One). 22Wives, be subject (be submissive and adapt yourselves) to your own husbands as [a service] to the Lord. 23For the husband is head of the wife as Christ is the Head of the church, Himself the Savior of [His] body. 24As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands. 25Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26So that He might sanctify her,

having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, 27That He might present the church to Himself in glorious splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such things

[that she might be holy and faultless].

28Even so husbands should love their wives as [being in a sense] their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. 29For no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and carefully protects and cherishes it, as Christ does the church, 30Because we are members (parts) of His body. 31For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 32This mystery is very great, but I speak concerning [the relation of] Christ and the church. 33However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly]. [1 Pet. 3:2].

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Husbands love your wives as Christ does the Church. Wives respect your husbands, honor him, praise him and love and admire him exceedingly. If we can both maintain

our focus on these things especially when children come into the picture, while attempting to climb the corporate ladder and trying to keep up with the Joneses then our society will be better off for future generations. Here are six things to be on guard

with in your marriage:

1. Contempt, anger, hurt and bitterness.2. Control, not leadership.3. Conflict: exit, examiner and explosive approaches.4. Characters, people in your life that keep you from loving your spouse.5. Calendars, schedules, activities and ships passing in the night.6. Circumstances, anything good or bad that was or wasn’t communicated. It can

create a disruption in being intimate with your spouse.

Dr. Gary and Barbara Rosberg have five things to help us build a successful marriage:

1. Communicate! Couples lose touch with each other when they stop talking. To stay connected and satisfied with each other, spend time together daily.

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2. Forgive past grievances. Don't let any resentment reside in your heart. Confess it promptly; otherwise it will seek to destroy you. Forgiving graciously means releasing the offense and receiving your spouse back into your heart.

3. Serve each other daily. Do you know your spouse's needs? (Ask!) Are you inattentive? (Be a student of your spouse!) Don't put it off. Remember what worked before. Breakfast in bed? A phone call during the day? Ask God to open your heart so you can serve freely with the attitude of Jesus.

4. Celebrate who you are individually and who you are together. Pleasing your spouse defeats selfishness and promotes self-denial, which is the root of a great marriage. It builds intimacy and provides encouragement during tough times.

5. Guard your marriage. Be keenly aware of how easily distracted you can become. Be vigilant against distractions. Spend time daily in God's Word. Stay connected to Christ through prayer and getting to know him more intimately. Avoid falling into temptation traps.

I hope these tools will help you and your spouse to “Build Strong” and have a marriage that will thrive and stand the test of time. No man or woman is an island nor is

anyone perfect. It takes two people giving 100% to make a marriage work. Be blessed and I hope to hear about your marriage success story one day.

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Benediction

The definition of love I like most is, choosing to do something worthwhile for another at your own expense and seeking nothing in return. Love is a choice first and secondly an emotion. We must choose to love and respect our spouses daily!

1 Corinthians 13

Love 1If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a

resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but

have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always

trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

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8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know

in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I

shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. Amen!

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