my long distance relationship is failing
TRANSCRIPT
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Question: • I care deeply about a girl I met
in college • Her first relationship was long-
distance and he cheated on her
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• We were very happy initially • When I finished my studies I had
to move back home because of finances
• I can now only visit her every two months
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• I am saving so that we can move in together
• We use social media to communicate.
• I feel I am losing her
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• She still studies and works two jobs
• She is getting depressed and really nasty
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• She now shuts me out and blames me for not knowing what bothers her
• How do I get the situation back to normal?
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Answer: • If you help her she doesn’t
approve • If you don't help her she also
doesn't approve.
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• She is still not over the rejection of her first relationship
• She will do anything to ensure that she does not get rejected again
• She would rather do all the rejection this time round.
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• No matter what you do, you cannot change her.
• If she does not love and accept herself, nothing you do will change the situation.
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• A long-distance relationship demands a lot from both parties - especially trust and openness.
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• Here are your options: • Option 1: Continue with the
relationship, and understand that nothing you do can make her change.
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• Option 2: Continue with the relationship and encourage her to get counselling for her depression and for dealing with her issues from the first relationship.
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• Option 3: Put the relationship on hold until you live near enough for you to see her as often as possible.
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• Option 4: End the relationship and recognize everything you have learnt from your experience with her
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• Giving does not necessarily result in receiving
• You cannot change another person
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• You cannot help a person who refuses your help
• They are entitled to refuse your help if they feel that is right for them
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• This is a major life lesson for you.
• Take a step back and rather focus on how this relationship has helped you to discover things about yourself.