My Friend Is A Square:

A Discussion on Square Dancing’s Potential for Friendship and Gratification

Hanna Marie Aven

29 April 2012

2

Abstract

The Sets in Order American Square Dance Society’s official publication, which

was written in the late 1970s, advertises the square dance as the “friendliest form of

couple recreation” and sets forth rules that are intended not as restrictions, but

rather “road signs” to attaining “maximum gratification.” In preparing to do my

research for this paper, I was unsure if I wanted to focus on the “friendliness” or

“gratification” of this activity, but as I observed and interviewed a specific square

dancing club I found that all aspects of square dancing reveal that both of these

features are epitomized in the relations that square dancing fosters.

In this paper I discuss a typical night of square dancing, as well as the

infrastructure of the dance community, and then show one particular way the

relational aspect of this activity is actualized. The practice of this dance has affected

the lives of those who I studied: In square dancing, an individual has one partner

that he or she returns to and hold close. At the same time the individual must always

share the dance with the entire square. In order to complete a dance a person must

trust his or her fellow dancers, but also must be especially mindful of the rules the

caller decides upon. These very basic concepts of the dance’s structure are reflected

in the club, which exudes an atmosphere of respect, trust, sharing, and a rule system

that depends on the call of a very few members. This attitude is illuminated on a

larger scale as well, as square dancing clubs have different moods, but the same

rules. They rely on one another for their own existence, and they encourage

interactions and community with other clubs, but always come back to their own.

3

Methodology:

In October 2011, I began square dancing with Club A at a location near to my

campus. My boyfriend and I have been attending lessons with this club nearly every

Tuesday night since we first attended their class. In early February, I conducted my

first formal interview for this project. Since then have conducted one additional

formal interview, as well as several informal interviews during Tuesday night

lessons and club meetings. Most nights I did not take vigorous notes; instead I jotted

down ideas throughout the night and wrote extensive notes when I returned home.

All regular participants in Club A’s gatherings were aware that I was making a study

of their meetings.

For this project, I read square dancing literature from the local public library,

as well as ethnographies from internet databases. The Sets In Order Square Dance

Association1 handbook that I refer to throughout this paper was given to me by my

informant Henry.

Throughout this paper, I will refer to my informants and the square dancing

club by aliases.

The First Time

The Monday after I went to the local fair, I received a call from a woman

named Bethany regarding the interest that I had expressed when speaking with her

at Club A’s square dancing booth: “Hi, this is Bethany from Club A. I just wanted to

let you know that we will be having a lesson tomorrow night at 7. We’d love it if

1 This handbook will be referred to as “SIOSDA” throughout this paper.

4

you’d come out and bring your friends! The first lesson is free.” Bethany informed

me of the club’s location and told me that the club would be meeting on the second

floor.

I was excited about going and had nothing else to do on Tuesday night, so I

began looking for friends to take with me. The majority of my friends had

homework to do and one of them got my phone call too late to make the decision,

but my friend Jordan decided to procrastinate on his homework and go with me.

We arrived at Hall A, a retirement and assisted living complex that rents out

one of its rooms to Club A. After signing in at the guest registrar and asking for

directions to what we called “the dance lessons,” we arrived in an open room with a

wood floor. To our right, there was a stage and to our left there were chairs set up in

rows that faced the dance floor.

Although I do not remember who was at lessons that night, or how exactly

we were greeted, I remember being overwhelmed with a sense of welcome. The

group was enthusiastic about introducing themselves and learning about where we

came from. I remember several people saying that they were “so glad” we had come.

When I first went out to the floor to dance, I was so nervous. Because my

sisters used to be on dance teams and I am usually teased for my clumsiness, I

assumed that I would greatly embarrass myself trying to learn the dance. As the

caller began teaching the group new moves, I noticed that the moves were only new

to Jordan and I; the other dancers seemed to know exactly what they were doing

and anticipating what move they would have to make next.

5

Within an hour, I was capable of doing some sort of dance. I was laughing,

and genuinely felt like I was part of the group. At one point, I looked at Jordan, saw

him laughing too, and realized that this night would not be our only square dancing

adventure. I was having too much fun to not come back. I recall speaking on the

phone with my father the next day, telling him, “Square dancing is what church

should feel like. When I went I felt welcomed, loved and not judged at all, but I knew

that those people would help me improve.”

Jordan and I went back to square dancing the next week, and loved it even

more. We have been going regularly now for almost six months, and I have been

able to observe and hear stories about how the magic of square dancing took hold of

other people’s schedules, relationships and hearts.

Club A works to recruit members by performing in public and handing out

fliers, setting up informational booths at fairs, advertising in the newspaper, on the

internet, and sometimes on the radio, several dancers I spoke with cited word of

mouth as their reason for first experimenting with square dance.

Some dancers begin out of curiosity. After being invited by his friend to a

square dance lesson, Bob, a dancer of five years, went along to see what it was like.

At the start of the dance Bob wondered, “What’d I get myself into?” But after

returning a second week for lessons, Bob decided that he thought it was fun, and he

began to consistently attend lessons.

Other dancers start square dancing simply in hopes of quieting a nagging fan

of the dance. According to Jess, who is married to Caller A (the man who regularly

teaches Club A’s square dancing lessons and calls out the moves for each dance), the

6

main reason that she and her husband began dancing was to stop her mother from

“driving (them) crazy” about going to square dance with her. Jess claims that she

had to work hard to convince her husband, who never danced any more vigorously

than a head bob, to go to a single square dancing lesson with her, rather than watch

a televised basketball game.

Ten minutes after the lesson began, Caller A told his wife, “I absolutely love

this, but I want to do what that guy up there’s doing.” Jess says that while she

thought that the lesson was “okay,” her husband was “giddy” and “absolutely loved

it.” Caller A and Jess began dancing five to six nights a week, and within six months,

Caller A had attended class in Kansas City to learn how to make calls for square

dances, purchased his own square dancing records, record player and speakers, and

began professionally call for Club E in Chattanooga, Tennessee.

Jess’s mother quit square dancing two years ago at age twenty-four, but Jess

and Caller A carry on the tradition. Just a few weeks ago, a group of people ventured

into Hall A just to see what square dancing was like. Jess led the recruitment charge,

working to show the group how much fun square dancing is. Caller A changed the

dance schedule for the night and taught the new group how to dance. After 20

minutes of lessons, the group was dancing, laughing, flirting, twirling, and, most

importantly, having fun.

A Transforming Tradition

Today’s square dancing is derived from a tradition of festive dance that once

followed community events such as barn raisings, quilting bees and weddings on the

7

American frontier. Over the years, this social dance has evolved into an organized

series of calls, the dance’s callers have become “professional,” and the live bands

that once orchestrated the tune of a square’s movement have been replaced with

recordings of several different genres of music. Square dancing stands apart from

other forms of folk dancing because it is the only one directed by a caller who is at

liberty to choose and combine whatever moves he or she sees fit. This produces a

dance that greatly varies from song to song and depends heavily on the knowledge,

skill and imagination of the caller (Casey 3).

Square dance literature from the late 1970s and early 1980s boasts of its up-

and-coming nature and describes it as “the friendliest form of American couple

recreation” that not only creates friendships within a single city, but all over

America and throughout the world (Sets In… 1). Nostalgic, as well as modern, texts

paint pictures of wooden floors decorated with the colorful spinning skirts of

hundreds of women as their partners guide them around their square (Casey 3). The

dance exists in the minds of young adults as an activity imposed on them by a family

member or physical education class when they were younger; for myself, square

dancing initially seemed like the mere remnant of something “hokey” that was

meant for “old people.”

A Night Of Dance: More than Movement

Upon entering the square dancing environment, one immediately recognizes

the uniqueness of this hobby and is apt to draw many conclusions about its

character and intent. However, assumptions soon dissolve as a night of square

8

dancing unravels, and each portion establishes an environment of camaraderie that

is designed to provide the utmost comfort and enjoyment for the dancer.

On a night when Club A is teaching lessons, the schedule begins when Caller

A, or the visiting caller, begins playing a record. The club makes their way onto the

floor and forms a square2. The caller reviews moves that he has previously taught

the class, teaches new moves, leads the class in a patter3, and ends with a singing

call. As he teaches, he ensures that dancers never feel left out or ashamed when they

make mistakes. Caller A often teases the dancers about their mistakes, but does so in

a way that draws attention to the personality of the individual rather than the fault

of their movement. This causes the square to realize that the dance is less important

than the person dancing.

After this “tip,” or set of songs and dances, is concluded, all members of the

square walk to the middle of their square and say, “Thank you!” in unison. Then

every person thanks each other person individually. The men shake hands with one

another, and the women side-hug both the men and the other women. According to

the SIOSDA handbook this is done because the dancers are applauding the caller, the

other dancers, and also themselves. It is important, SIOSDA says, to know that when

you dance, “it is you who did the job and it is you who experienced that wonderful

sense of accomplishment that comes with being a square dancer” (3). This custom

occurs after every tip and creates a sense of unity among the dancers while

simultaneously increasing each individual’s confidence in his or her abilities.

2 A square is made up of 8 dancers; one couple stands on each side. 3 A walkthrough of each dance move

9

Then the dancers disperse for break time. Sometimes Caller A dismisses the

group with comments like, “Let’s make a run for the donuts,” or “You’ve all worked

hard, and I’ve taught you a lot.” These, and comments like them, show that dancing

comes second to the comforts of snacks and rest. During the “break” time, people eat

refreshments, use the restroom and talk with one another about many things, but

not usually themselves. Jordan and I were often asked how school was going and

what we were doing over our holiday weekends. In the last month and a half of

participating with Club A, members began telling me more about their personal

lives. Though I do believe that their knowing of the research I was conducting

somewhat increased the likelihood of my informants telling me about their personal

lives, I also believe that this “break time” served and continues to serve as a tool for

increasing the my true companionship with the club.

The dancing begins again when the caller wants it to. Even though he gauges

the readiness of the dancers by the amount of conversation that is taking place, he

never allows the break to go too long. I have never observed a break lasting more

than ten minutes. The caller returns to the stage and turns the square dancing

record back on. He waits silently for the dancers to move back to the floor, but if

they do not respond (which is rare) he verbally beckons them to the floor with a

smile and, “Get on up here!” There was, however, one time I observed the caller pick

up the microphone and say, “You know, we’re not in a hurry. Let’s let the break go

longer.” The dancers, only one or two of which, had moved to the floor, laughed and

continued their conversations.

10

When the dancers finish taking a break and return to their squares, they

most often pick new positions in the square, but keep the same partner. The caller

teaches the dancers more moves, leads them through multiple patters, and performs

one singing call before another break occurs.

Since I have been attending Club A, we have always done at least two tips of

square dancing before a line and round dance cuer begins to teach. Line dancingand

round dancing are the square dance’s companion dances. Club A always breaks up

the pace and style of the night by teaching a different kind of dance: the line dance is

done in a line, and the round dance is done with two partners dancing with each

other throughout the song (much like ballroom dance). This partnership is made

throughout the world of square dancing. When square dancers from multiple clubs

join together for a weekend festival of dancing, line dances and round dances are

offered in between the square dance tips. The square dance community’s invitation

and encouragement of other types of dancing acts as another reflection of the

welcoming atmosphere in the square dance community.

At one point during a night of square dancing with Club A, usually just before

or directly after the line and round dancing is done, Doug, the president of the club,

starts a meeting. Sometimes, he stands on the stage and uses the microphone, but

other times he simply stands in front of the group. When Doug moves to his

position, he waits for the group to get quiet, and then he makes announcements.

At this point of the night, the “lesson” has technically ended, and the “class

members” are supposed to leave. I did not learn this for a very long time. Jordan and

I were the main couple taking lessons during this school year, and more often than

11

not we had to leave by the time the meeting started; because of this, we never knew

what happened during or after it. Once I began my official research on Club A,

Jordan and I started staying until the end of the night and found that the meeting

time was pushed back this year so that Jordan and I would be able to dance more. I

also learned that the dance done after the meeting was intended to be more

advanced, so that more experienced dancers can enjoy dancing the moves that they

are not able to do during lessons.

In the last few months the club members have been insisting that Jordan and

I stay after the meetings, and they have simplified the dances so that we can dance

with them. There have been some nights when the dancing would not have been

able to continue if we left; there would not have been enough people. There have

also been nights, though, when advanced dancers have continued to sit out so that

Jordan and I can dance the last dances of the evening.

Once the one or two after-meeting dances take place, members of the club

begin packing up the snacks, and the caller starts putting away his equipment.

People stand around to talk with each other, until it one couple must leave. After an

evening of dancing is completed, the dancers leave satisfied and not overworked.

They have eaten, talked, danced, and maybe even made mistakes, but at the end of

the night they are certain that they have spent time with people who care about

them.

The Square that Encompasses All

12

Before a square dance starts, the caller calls, “Bow to your partner. Bow to

your corner,” and the dance begins. As the caller calls the moves, dancers are

required to react accordingly, performing the moves with a smile. As the caller lists

the moves that the dancers must make, a free flowing pattern of movement

transpires. Individuals trade partners, spin around the square, walk up to the

middle of the square to greet one another, and more. According to SIOSDA, “one of

the greatest attractions of square dancing is that it allows a person to obey a normal

and inherent impulse to move to music.” These moves are “comfortable” and

“natural” (3). While it is essential for every member to do their part in remembering

and properly performing each move, the simplicity of the dance makes way for the

greatest and most important challenge of the activity: enjoying oneself and

providing enjoyment for other dancers.

SIOSDA’s ground rules of square dancing include the commandments “Be a

courteous dancer,” “Be a thoughtful dancer,” “Be a friendly dancer,” and “Be a

cooperative dancer.” These rules serve to remind each dancer to think of other

people first. Doing this involves taking actions such as properly bathing oneself

before a dance, never passing by an empty square, and getting acquainted with

other dancers in the square. In addition to the rules set for benefitting others, rules

are also set to ensure enjoyment for self. The commands “take it easy,” “you’re never

through learning,” and “enjoy yourself– have fun!” remind each dancer that the

dance is not a competition or a showcase, but rather an experience. By focusing on

these rules, dancers can work to love the dance while being able to consider the love

that others have for the dance as well (3, 4).

13

These commandments keep a square dance moving. Considerate dancers

follow the calls of the caller and are contagiously fun to dance with. When dancers

are able to follow the rules, the caller is able to play with the rules, creating his or

her own combinations of the dance. As the caller make the dance more unique, the

dancers are forced to rely more heavily on each other: Partners are broken up and

individuals spin and are spun by people they might not know; dancers must trust

that their partner or line will participate with them in difficult, less-familiar calls;

and, should a mistake be made, each dancer must rely on the others to help them

mend it. The laws of the dance, as well as the camaraderie suggested by them, are

evident as the square spins and folds, but they are also evident outside of the

square.

In Susan Rasmussen’s ethnography on a Turag women’s wedding dance, she

discusses the cultural implications of dance:

By engaging (a dance), dancers literally embody, as well as symbolically evoke

certain relationships and idea. Dance occasions are highly structured, complex, and

labile to social situations. They include not solely dancers, but also audiences, and all

may act as commentators both within and outside the performance context. Dance

is no simple monologue; rather, dance, performer, and audience engage in a

dialogue. 3

The dialogue of square dancing is spoken by all who engage in the dance– it

is one of friendship, reliability, and ultimately enjoyment. This notion can be

recognized and supported by the important connections made between clubs. All

over the world, square dancing associations have been constructed. The clubs that

14

make up these associations work together to create a more enjoyable atmosphere

for every person who wishes to square dance.

The clubs are not only connected by their love for the dance, but they rely on

each other for their own existence. The number of square dancers has greatly

diminished4 in the past few decades; to boost numbers and member involvement,

the clubs participate in a competition that spreads across the association. The object

of this competition is to steal another club’s banner. The banner is a large felt or silk

sign that displays the club’s name and hangs on the wall during class and lessons. To

steal the banner, one club must bring an entire square to another club’s night of

dancing and dance a specific number of tips. In order to “get your banner back,” a

club has to bring an entire square to dance with the club that has stolen their

banner. Participating in this competition ensures that members will stay active

within the club, clubs will not die out, and that clubs will carry out their duty of

friendliness to all square dancers.

The extension of friendliness is hardly restricted to dancing with other clubs.

It is also embodied in feeding other clubs, having cookouts and parties with fellow

dancers, and supporting anyone and everyone who is interested in or participating

in the dance. Throughout my time with Club A, I have been amazed at their

generosity. I have been given over 25 square dancing dresses, skirts and shirts, and

Jordan has been given a variety of shirts. We have been offered rides to out-of-town

dances, and we have been invited to spend holidays with club members.

4 Club A had 97 members in the late 1970’s. Since last October, I have never seen more than 25 people come to dance with the club.

15

When my informant Bethany’s father-in-law passed away, one of Club A’s

members suggested taking up a love offering. The offering would fulfill the request

made by Bethany’s father-in-law that his mourners donate to the church.

Additionally, donating money would also show love and support for Bethany and

her husband Gary, who is also a square dancer. Every member of the club agreed

that this offering was a good idea and gave money to this cause.

The generosity of these dancers is astounding, but what reveals the

friendliness of the square dancing community even more is the generosity of the

non-dancers who are a part of this community. Within Club A, I have come to know a

handful of individuals who do not dance but are present at every Tuesday night

meeting. Furthermore, they also attend dances that are not held by the club. Some of

these individuals used to dance and no longer do because of health complications;

others regularly dance with different clubs and come to visit without their usual

partner. These non-dancers act as the “audience members” that ethnographer

Rasmussen referred to. They, just as intensely as any of the dancers or callers,

reflect the ideals of the square dance.

These individuals spend their time in the audience talking to one another,

counting money for the club, and making sure there are enough drinks. They talk

with each other and the dancers, and encourage members to attend the specials5

that are being held by other clubs. Instead of being ostracized, these people are

essential and involved parts of the community. Although they do not physically

dance, they enjoy their time with the community and possess the trust and

5 Themed dances that have provide food than a usual night of dancing

16

friendship of the group in a manner that imitates every move that is done on the

floor.

Romance in the Square:

When my friend Jordan and I first ventured into the world of square dancing,

I was fiercely determined that despite our flirtation, we would remain only friends.

Less than a month after we began dance lessons, we were calling each other

sweethearts. In fact, it was Club A’s assumption of my romantic relationship with

Jordan that served as a catalyst to us making the decision to date each other.

As I continued to spend time with Club A, I found that we were not the first

couple to experience a change in our romantic relations. This specific type of

relationship is one of the many manifestations of square dancing’s ability to gratify.

According to my informant Jess, several romantic relationships begin in the square.

When asked if she had seen many romances blossom on the dance floor, she laughed

and replied, “Oh, I can’t tell you how many.”

Doug, the president of Club A, met his wife Grace at a square dance, and for a

long time was too tongue-tied to even talk to her. Timmy, who square danced and

round danced with his wife for over thirty years before she died of cancer, met his

current girlfriend Kate at a square dance as well. Jess also told me about a couple

who used to dance with Club A: The forty-seven and sixty-eight year old square

dance partners ended up getting married and now dance with a different club on

Saturday nights.

17

Some romantic relationships within Club A are slightly dramatic and

surprising. Although I have known throughout the entirety of my time with Club A

that Henry and Gail were married, Henry just told me that Gail used to be married to

Jeff, the club’s line dance cuer, who is a regular at Club A’s meetings. After Gail and

Jeff’s divorce, they continued to square dance together, but there was one night

when Gail ended up in Henry’s square. He asked if she was married, and when she

replied “no,” he got her phone number and called her up for a date. Months after a

failed first date, he asked her out again, and they ended up getting married. Even

though romantic relationships have ended and begun between the three of them, I

have never noticed any hostile blood between Jeff, Gail or Henry.

Square dancing does not only affect blossoming love; according to Jess and a

few of my other informants, dancing with people that you already love benefits the

relationship in a number of ways. It has been over a decade since Jess and her

husband began square dancing together, and she says that every time they go out to

dance it feels like a date. She described the “dating again” feeling saying that there

will be nights at dancing where they realize that they have not looked at each other

all week, and then “suddenly you’re holding hands…he’s swinging you around, and

you’re hanging onto him.”

My friend Bob, who is in his early seventies and has been square dancing for

six years, said that soon after he started dating his girlfriend Nancy he told her that

“any girl in (his) life has to square dance.” She started dancing with him last fall and

the two of them have been dancing five nights a week. Bob says that dancing has

made them grow closer to each other because it “opens the door” to doing other fun

18

activities: it gives them a way to start looking at things they enjoy doing together.

Plus, Bob thinks Nancy “looks cute in her frilly skirt.” Bob and Nancy recently got

engaged and hope to be married soon.

In their ethnography on dance in Jane Austen’s novels, Daniel A. Handler and

Richard Handler discuss the romantic implications of a partner dance, and why it

leads to marriage. They suggest that dancing imitates the courtship process of

finding whether a partner is suitable or not: “Like marriage, dancing and courtship

involve cross-sex relations between near-status equals.” However, the two authors

are sure to point out that dance is unlike marriage, because it involves a “malleable

degree of particularity” in which an individual may “communicate their interest or

lack of interest in a potential partner” (Handler 324). Because dancing moves people

from being strangers to being partners, it can serve as “a process of selecting and

rejecting possible partners;” it is an activity that simultaneously allows a pair of

dancers to “playfully be a couple and, doubly playfully, to talk about it” (Handler

325).

This particularly special relationship is an important aspect of the square

dance. Whether you have been married to your dance partner for many years, met

your partner seconds before the dance began, or have been hoping to take that

person on a date for the past eight square dance lessons, while that person is your

partner you must commit to them. You must hold hands with that person, spin or be

spun by that person and follow the often-called command, “Go home,” and return to

your original position on the dance floor whenever it is asked of you.

19

Throughout the dance, partners temporarily switch and do the same moves

that they were required to do with their original partner with other members of the

square. Eye contact is maintained between dancers if they are ever across from one

another and smiles are used to increase intimacy between the non-partners. The

flirtatiousness of each dancer is never restricted to one partner, but is rather shared

without the square throughout the entirety of the dance. More advanced dancers in

Club A often tried to teach Jordan and I gender-specialized vocalizations, such as

long-drawn out feminine sighs and deep “Hoohah!”s, that could be added to specific

dance moves; by performing these sounds, the square increases the dichotomy

between the genders, and therefore increases the flirtation. Oftentimes, when going

through a patter with Club A, Caller A would tell the couples, whether they be the

original pair or not, to tell their partner things like, “Hello, beautiful,” or “Let’s go

home;” the dancers always either complied with the call or looked at each other and

giggled.

As a square dance winds down, the caller manipulates his calls in order to

move the individuals back into their original pairs. When the partners return to one

another, more experienced dancers take the opportunity to add flair to the dance

with their partner: the man might spin the woman, the two might bump hips with

each other, they might slap hands with one another, or they may do a combination

of the three. The return “home” is essential to the square dance; for even though the

dance is merely an imitation of courtship, shared love and flirtation, it is proven to

produce real romance and an actual “going home” once the evening of dancing ends.

The existence of these multiple romantic relationship, and even the cordiality

20

between ex-spouses, supports SIOSDA’s claim that square dancing is both “friendly”

and “gratifying.”

Conclusion

On my final night of square dance lessons, I was overwhelmed by a sense of

sadness. Although I plan to return to dancing next spring, the idea of being

separated from this loving community broke my heart.

In my time with Club A, I have learned how to enjoy something new, and I

have exercised a love for others. I have been treated as an equal but challenged to

improve. I have given and I have been given to. I have also found romance.

SIOSDA claims that square dancing is simply “friendship set to music,” and

my findings suggest nothing less. The dance itself, the community’s intra-club

relations, and the obvious embodiments and manifestations of friendliness all work

toward fulfilling the square dancer’s goal: maximum gratification.

21

Bibliography Casey, Betty. The Complete Book of Square Dancing (and Round Dancing). Denton:

University of North Texas Press, 2000. Print.

Handler, Richard and Daniel A. Segal. “Serious Play: Creative Dnace and Dramatic

Sensibility in Jane Austen, Ethnographer.” Man. 24. 2: 322-339. JSTOR. Web.

29 April 2012.

Rasmussen, Susan. “Zaraf, A Tureg Women’s Wedding Dance.” Ethnology. 34. 1: 1-

16. JSTOR. Web. 29 April 2012.

Reed, Susan A. “The Politics and Poetics of Dance.” Annual Review of Anthropology.

27: 503-532. JSTOR. Web. 29 April 2012.

Sets In Order Square Dance Association. Square Dancer’s Indoctrination Handbook.

Los Angeles: Sets in Order, 1978. Print.