module ten: conflict 1. conflict a disagreement between or among connected individuals a...
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Module Ten: ConflictModule Ten: Conflict
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ConflictConflict
A disagreement between or A disagreement between or among connected individualsamong connected individuals Each person’s position affects Each person’s position affects the other the other personperson Positions are to some degree Positions are to some degree interrelated and incompatibleinterrelated and incompatible
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The Nature of ConflictThe Nature of Conflict
Conflict is NaturalAll relationships experience conflict
Conflict Can Be BeneficialConflict is unavoidable but when managed well, has personal and relationship benefits
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Two Kinds of ConflictTwo Kinds of Conflict
Content: centres on objects, events, and persons external to the parties involved
- What to watch on TV- How to spend savings- Whom to invite over
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Two Kinds of ConflictTwo Kinds of Conflict(continued)(continued)
Relationship: concerned with the relationship between individuals
-Who is in charge-How equal is the relationship-Who has the right to set rules of behaviour
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Online ConflictOnline Conflict
Junk mailSpammingFlamingTrolling
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Principles of Interpersonal Principles of Interpersonal ConflictConflict
Conflict is inevitable—you cannot avoid it.Interpersonal conflict can occur in
computer-mediated communication as well as in face-to-face interaction.
Conflict can have positive as well as negative effects.
Conflict is heavily influenced by gender and culture.
The style of conflict you use will have significant effects on your relationship.
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Negative Aspects of Negative Aspects of ConflictConflict
Increased negative regard for the opponent
Depletion of energyIsolation from othersIncreased costs; decreased
rewards
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Positive Aspects of ConflictPositive Aspects of Conflict
Forces examination of a problemMoves toward potential solutionsEnables individuals to state desires—and get them
Prevents hostilities from festering
Increases understanding and meeting each other’s needs
Says relationship is worth the effort
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Conflicts and CultureConflicts and Culture
In collectivist cultures conflicts are more likely to centre on violating collective or group norms and values
In individualistic cultures conflicts are more likely to occur when individual norms are violated
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Variables in Conflict Variables in Conflict StylesStylesCulture
Factors to Consider:• Cultural Styles Vary
• Individualism/
Collectivism
• Ethnic Factors
• Biological Factors
• Self-Concept 23
Conflicts and GenderConflicts and Gender
Men are more apt to withdraw from a conflict situation than women
Men become more psychologically and physiologically aroused during conflict than women
Women want to get closer to the conflict; want to talk about it, resolve it
Women tend to be more emotional, men more logical
Ha ha…these are stereotypes – no real difference
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Variables in Conflict Variables in Conflict StylesStylesGender
Factors to Consider:
• Different “Approaches” to
Conflict
• Use Different Forms of
Aggression
• Power vs. Relational Issues
• Stereotypes 22
Conflict StylesConflict Styles
Competing: I win, you lose
Avoiding: I lose, you lose
Accommodating: I lose, you win
Compromising: I win and lose, you win and lose
Collaborating: I win, you win
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The Nature of The Nature of ConflictConflict
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Avoiding (lose–lose)
Accommodating(lose–win)
Competing (win–lose)
Compromising(partial lose–lose)
Collaborating(win–win)
When theissue is of littleimportance
When you discover youare wrong
When there is not enough time to seek a win–win outcome
To achieve quick,temporary solutions to complex problems
When the issue istoo important for acompromise
When the costsof confrontationoutweigh thebenefits
When the issue is more important to the other person than it is to you
When the issueis not importantenough to negotiateat length
When opponents are strongly committed to mutually exclusivegoals
When a long-termrelationship betweenyou and the otherperson is important
Factors to Consider When Choosing the Most Appropriate Conflict Style
Adapted from W. W. Wilmot & J. L. Hocker (2010). Interpersonal Conflict, 8th ed. New York: McGraw-Hill.
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(Continued)Factors to Consider When Choosing the Most Appropriate Conflict
Avoiding (lose–lose)
Accommodating(lose–win)
Competing (win–lose)
Compromising(partial lose–lose)
Collaborating(win–win)
To cool downand gainperspective
When the long-termcost of winning isn’tworth the short-termgain
When the otherperson is not willingto cooperate
When the issuesare moderatelyimportant butnot enough for astalemate
To merge insights withsomeone who has adifferent perspective onthe problem
To build up credits forlater conflicts
When you areconvinced that yourposition is right andnecessary
As a backup modewhen collaborationdoesn’t work
To develop arelationship by showingcommitment to theconcerns of both parties
To let others learnby making their ownmistakes
To protect yourselfagainst a personwho takes advantageof noncompetitivepeople
To come up withcreative and uniquesolutions to problems
Ad
ap
ted
from
W. W
. Wilm
ot &
J. L. H
ock
er (2
01
0).
Inte
rperso
nal C
on
flict, 8
th e
d. N
ew
York
: McG
raw
-Hill.
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What To Do
1. State ownership of problem2. Describe conflict in terms of the behavior,
consequences, and your feelings about it3. Avoid letting the other person change the
subject4. Phrase your solution to focus on common
ground5. Think what you will say first; be brief and
precise6. Disengage
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How To Do ItHow To Do It
• Listen to nonverbal and verbal cues • Respond empathically: genuine
interest/concern• Paraphrase problem; ask questions to
clarify• Seek common ground • Ask the other person to suggest
alternatives
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Resolving Conflicts Resolving Conflicts Through Through CollaborationCollaboration
Initiating conflict appropriately
◦ Think through what you will say before you confront the other person, so that your request will be brief and precise
◦ State ownership of the apparent problem◦ Describe the potential conflict in terms of
the behavior you observe, the consequences, and your feelings about it
◦ Avoid letting the other person change the subject
◦ Phrase your solution in a way that focuses on common ground
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Collaboration: Responding Collaboration: Responding to Conflict Effectivelyto Conflict Effectively
◦Disengage emotionally◦Listen to nonverbal cues as well as to the verbal message
◦Respond empathically with genuine interest and concern
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◦Paraphrase your understanding of the problem and ask questions to clarify issues
◦Seek common ground by finding some aspect of the complaint to agree with
◦Ask the person to suggest alternatives
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Before the ConflictBefore the Conflict
Try to fight in privateBe ready to deal with the conflict
at handKnow what you’re fighting aboutFight about problems that can be
solved
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A Model of Conflict ResolutionA Model of Conflict Resolution
1. Define the conflict:◦ Define both content and relationship
issues ◦ Use specific terms◦ Empathize◦ Avoid mind reading
2. Examine possible solutions:◦ Look for win–win solutions ◦ Weigh the costs and rewards of solutions ◦ Seek solutions in which both share the
costs and rewards
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A Model of Conflict Resolution A Model of Conflict Resolution
(continued(continued))
3. Test a solution:◦ Test mentally: how does it feel now? ◦ How comfortable is it? ◦ Test in actual practice: How does it
work?
4. Evaluate the solution:◦ Did it resolve the conflict? ◦ Is the situation better? ◦ Is the solution worth the costs
for each? ◦ Are rewards about even?
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A Model of Conflict Resolution A Model of Conflict Resolution (continued)(continued)
5. Accept or reject the solution:◦ If you accept, put it into operation! ◦ If you reject, test another solution or
redefine the conflict
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After the ConflictAfter the Conflict
Learn from the conflict and the process you used in trying to resolve it
Keep the conflict in perspective
Attack your negative feelings
Increase the exchange of rewards and cherishing behaviours
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Test YourselfTest Yourself
Complete the test on page 246-7
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Productive Conflict Productive Conflict Management StrategiesManagement Strategies
Fight activelyTalkBe supportiveUse face-enhancing strategiesUse empathyUse an open expressionPresent focusStay above the beltDon’t be argumentative
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Unproductive Conflict Unproductive Conflict Management StrategiesManagement Strategies
AvoidanceForceDefensivenessBlameSilencersHitting below the beltAggressiveness
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Verbal AggressivenessVerbal Aggressiveness
Inflicts psychological painAttacks the other’s self-conceptDisconfirmsSeeks to discredit the other’s view
of self
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Test YourselfTest Yourself
Complete this in your EZ Guide
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Argumentativeness: Argumentativeness: A Quality to be A Quality to be Cultivated – Cultivated – willingness to argue for a point of view on a willingness to argue for a point of view on a significant issuesignificant issue
Treat disagreements as objectively as possible
Avoid attacking the other personReaffirm the other’s sense of competence
Avoid interruptingStress quality and similaritiesExpress interest in the other person’s position, attitude, and point of view
Avoid presenting your arguments too emotionally
Allow the other person to save face 33
Win-Win MethodWin-Win Method
1. Identify Your Problem and Unmet Need• The ownership of the problem
almost always belongs to the person who raises the problem.
Win-win is rarely used. Buy-in to competition, lack of knowledge and the need for cooperation are barriers to using the win-win method.
HomeworkHomework
Complete Skill Buidling Exercise in your EZ Guide
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Have a great Day!!!Have a great Day!!!