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Bully-ProofYour Child

Healthy Lunch Box Challenge

Raising Confident

Kids

Motivate Your Middle School

Student

Back to School 2010

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14 7 Ways to Motivate Your Student

18 Kids Love Their Own Creative Space

6 Bully-Proofing Your Child

8 Healthy Lunch Box Challenge

12 Teenage Party Ideas

features

mckinneykidscontents

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Jack Arbuckle, a black belt in Taekwando and a member of the Dowell Band, is a 7th grader at Dowell Middle School.

Back to School issue 44

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contributing writers:

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Michael GroseMichel Jayne

Debra KnowltonRita Offen

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Cruel Behavior

Let me start by saying bullying is just cruel. Bullying includes a wide variety of

behaviors, but all involve a person or a group repeatedly trying to harm some-

one who is weaker or more vulnerable. It can involve direct attacks (such as

hitting, threatening or intimidating, maliciously teasing and taunting, name-

calling, making sexual remarks, and stealing or damaging belongings) or more

subtle, indirect attacks (such as spreading rumors or encouraging others to

reject or exclude someone). Bullying is cruel and the consequences and long-

term effects can be tragic.

Staggering Statistics

In a recent national survey of students in grades 6 to 10, 13 percent reported

bullying others, 11 percent reported being the target of school bullies, and

another 6 percent said they bullied others and were bullied themselves. Al-

most 30 percent of teens in the United States (or over 5.7 million) are estimat-

ed to be involved in school bullying as either a bully, a target of teen bullying,

or both.

Is Fighting Back the Answer?

Parents ask me if fighting back is the answer to

bullying. My answer is no. When children are en-

couraged to fight back, mustering the courage to

do so can cause the child to choose extreme mea-

sures of defense (e.g., bringing a knife to defend

themselves). Expulsion for your child or even more

tragic, injury or death is not what you want to see

happen in choosing to fight back.

Staying Cool is the Rule

Bullying involves looking for victims who are easy

to threaten. A child who reacts coolly is a much

less appealing mark. It’s not enough, though, to

tell your child to disregard the bully. Children need

specific training in how to stand up to a bully to

avoid a violent response.

Safety in Numbers

Children without friends are easier targets for

bullies. Children who group together with their

friends form alliances and tend to keep bullies from

socially isolating them so they can be bullied. It is

also easier to make a stand verbally with a friend(s)

standing beside you. For example responding to a

bully by saying, “Not again? No thanks.” A verbal

stand can diffuse a bully’s power over his victims.

This approach also builds your child’s self-confi-

dence without violence.

Facing a Bully Online

If you are being bullied online, don’t reply. This

may actually make the bullying worse. Instead, be

sure to tell a family member or another adult you

trust. If possible, block any more communications

from this person. My advice is to accept messages

only from people you know. If you get a nasty e-

mail, print it out or save it so that you can show it

to an adult.

What NOT to Do If Bullied

1. Think it’s your fault. Nobody deserves to be

bullied!

Bully-Proof Your Child

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2. Keep it to yourself and just hope the bullying will “go away.”

It’s normal to want to try to ignore bullying and hope that it will

stop–or hope that the person will start to pick on someone else.

But, often, bullying won’t stop until adults and other kids get

involved. So, report the bullying.

3. Bring a weapon to school hurt someone who has been bul-

lying you. This will always lead to tragic results for both parties.

4. Skip school or avoid clubs or sports because you’re afraid of

being bullied. Missing out on school or activities that you enjoy

isn’t the answer. You have a right to be there!

5. Think that you’re a “tattle tale” if you tell an adult that

you’ve been bullied. Telling is NOT tattling! It’s the right thing to

do.

6. Hurt yourself. Some kids who are bullied get so sad and

depressed that they may try to hurt themselves because they

think there is nothing else they can do. This definitely isn’t the

answer. Talk with an adult immediately and tell them how you

are feeling. They can help stop the bullying.

How Does Bullying Make My Child Feel?

Bullying can lead your child to feel tense, anxious, and afraid. It

can affect their concentration in school, and can lead them to

avoid school in some cases. If bullying continues, over time it

can begin to affect your child’ self-esteem and feelings of self-

worth. It also can increase their social isolation, leading them

to become withdrawn and depressed, anxious and insecure. In

extreme cases, bullying can be devastating for children, with

long-term consequences. Some victims of bullying feel com-

pelled to take drastic measures, such as carrying weapons for

protection or seeking violent revenge. Others, in desperation,

even consider suicide. Researchers have found that years later,

long after the bullying has stopped, adults who were bullied as

children have higher levels of depression and poorer self-esteem

than other adults.

How Can I Help?

At The Behavioral Advantage we can teach you effective strate-

gies for helping your child with bullying or any other problem-

atic behavior. Knowing how or when to help or even re-direct

will take practice. We can teach you how to execute behavioral

planning that will benefit all members of your family.

Please call us today. You deserve peace in your home. We can

help you. The first family consultation in your home is free.

If your child attends a non-public school and you think they

would benefit from behavioral consultation; please encourage

the school to contact The Behavioral Advantage at 972-635-

5668. Also, see our ad on this page.

alone is not necessarily nutritious enough. Calorie dense makes no sense if the meal

is not also healthy.

Tips To A Well Balanced Lunch Box

A lunch consisting of a lean meat, whole grain, low-fat dairy product and fruit

and/or vegetable is a well-balanced, healthy lunch. 1-2 to of these is good for a bal-

anced healthy snack. Packing a sandwich with lean meat or tuna fish is good – but

making that sandwich with whole grain bread, a good source of fiber, is even better.

However, unless from very early on a child is accustomed to eating brown bread,

kids usually become totally uninterested in their sandwich if it’s made with brown

bread. A good idea is to start off slowly but keeping the healthy sandwich on white

bread but making sure you have also packed their favorite fruit to compensate for

the brown bread. Include a few carrots and cucumbers as well, or their veg of choice

that is packable. Tell your kids that if they don’t want the brown bread they have to

eat a fruit and veg along with their sandwich.


Ahhh... the good ole lunch box / snack-

box challenge. And yes, if your good

parenting then you know it is exactly

that - a challenge! Oh sure it’s easy if

your just gonna throw any ole edible

item and beverage in there, but if you

are attempting to provide a healthy,

yet delicious snack or lunch for your

child, with the hopes he won’t trade it

for someone else’s junk food, then you

know the constraints of the situation.

A child’s energy, attention span and

stamina at school depends much on his

nutrition. Good parenting means giving

your child a healthy breakfast and lunch

or snack, which is just as important

as being in a good school and having

a good teacher. Just as important as

hygiene, and just as important as learn-

ing to be a nice person. Unfortunately

not all parents take the time to ensure

a nutritious meal and send their kids to

school with a box full of junk, making it

harder for the other kids to be interested

in their healthy snack, which furthers to

a parents frustration when the healthy

lunch or snack box comes home un-

touched.

Good parenting means recognizing that

it isn’t always a good idea to solely rely

on school cafeteria lunches, because al-

though the United States Department of

Agriculture (USDA) says school lunches

should provide one-third of a child’s

nutrition needs, meeting caloric needs

Good Parenting: Healthy Lunch Box Challenge


Pack a bottle of water instead of juice boxes. Most juice boxes

are high in sugar. However, water will keep a child hydrated

without the sugar rush, extra calories and a lowered immune

system. Water is also beneficial to the skin, as well many other

parts of the body. If your child insists on the juice then dilute

the juice in a water bottle.

Involve your child in the decision making of his lunch or snack.

This helps to alleviate swapping his food with others. Use the

opportunity to chat about healthy eating but try and make it

fun and entertaining and not like a classroom experience.

“Help keep your child from using his milk money for junk food by packing a dessert. You can satisfy your child’s sweet need

with tiny amounts of junk food mix in with

healthy foods.”

A small amount of M&M’s with trail mix, one cookie with yo-

gurt, fruits topped with raisins and a little caramel or choco-

late sauce or dipping sauce. Try making muffins or cookies

with pureed vegetables in the ingredients.

So if your going to make a lunch or snack box, take a few

extra minutes to make it count toward your child’s well being

and functionality through out the day. It will take some time

for your child to get used to his new foods so use the sug-

gestions above as well as be creative and before you know it

your child will be accustomed to his new healthy friends and

coming home with an empty lunch or snack box. As a parent

you will have earned an “A” in parenting for the healthy lunch

box challenge.

Michel Jayne (AKA The Parent Fairy) has 22 years parenting experience, with a teenager and preschooler under her wings. She extends an invitation for you to receive baby sleep help, on the house! Also get parenting tips, tricks and solu-tions to raising kids, having a good relationship with your spouse and keeping your family healthy.

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10 mckinneykidsmagazine Back to School 2010 www.northtexasmagazines.com

Personal power is the self-belief and confidence to know that you are capable of anything you set your mind to. It means you feel good about yourself, and that you do not rely upon others’ opinions to feel good about yourself. Such a strength is something we all want our children to have.

Our children are indeed born with such qualities. They believe they can do anything, and won’t give up until they do, or get what they want. Unfortunately though, through life they pick up messages to the contrary. But there are ways that parents can teach their children and empower them to have the confidence to try new things and focus on their abilities rather than their failures:

1. Lead by example. Our actions as parents are so powerful. Our chil-dren watch our every move. We cannot be telling our children what to do, if we do not follow our own rules. In fact, I would suggest that, in many things, children can learn perfectly just through watching us, rather than us telling them instructions. For example, as a child I would stand and watch my grandmother cooking. She never gave me lessons, yet when it was the time for me to start cooking, I knew what to do. Language is not the medium through which children learn.

2. Pope John XXIII said “See everything, overlook a lot, correct a little”.

Look for the best in your kids. Much that we try, it does seem that we have a tendency to see what’s wrong with something rather than what’s right, like the one stray sock in an otherwise tidy bedroom. Whatever your kids are up to, look for what’s good about them, and make them aware of it.

3. Correct their behaviour in a positive way, using positive language. For example, rather than saying “no, that’s wrong”, ask him “what could you have done better?” This way, rather than focussing on what’s wrong and drawing his attention to the idea that there’s some-thing wrong, you are getting him to learn from it and focus on a new possibility of behaviour.

4. Avoid negative labelling. Language is very powerful. What we say in front of our children matters. Phrases such as ‘she’s so…..’, ‘he can’t…..’ are a form of label, and imply that that’s the way they are and they won’t change. . Using terms such as ‘bad boy’, ‘silly’, ‘stupid’ is giving them labels, and kids wear such labels. Remember, it is not your child who’s silly, it’s their behaviour, and you can teach them just as well through positive language rather than negative.

5. Be mindful of what you say about your children. A comment about a child to another adult within the child’s earshot is even much more powerful than a comment to the child himself. So if you’re talking about your child, make sure it’s a positive, endearing comment!

Parents, being the role models, are in the best position to empower their kids to have the skills for success. It’s often the simple, everyday communication in our relationships that can make such a difference to encouraging our kids to be confident, courageous and happy.

Raising kids who are confident to try new things. Visit Rita Offen’s site http://www.chilledparent.com/Ebook.htm for her ezine.

5 Steps to Raising

Confident Kids

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The best teenage birthday party ideas are those that the kids are still talking about in

History class on Monday morning. In fact, the best parties are still being talked about on

Friday of the next week. If you want to throw that kind of birthday party for your teen

this year, consider the following ideas as jumping off points for your own creative ideas.

The best birthday party ideas for teenagers are those that speak to the teen’s individual

style, likes, and preferences. No one idea will be perfect for your teen, but you can use

these ideas to come up with the perfect ideas your teen will love.

Gift Card Matching Game

This game requires some financial investment so won’t be suitable for all parents, but

if you are planning a big party such as the sweet sixteen party and want to invest a bit

more in the fun, this is one teenagers absolutely love!

Buy an assortment of gift cards from stores that teens love. You need sets 2 identical

cards, so two $5 cards from Old Navy and two $10 cards from Abercrombie, and so

forth. You can include fast food restaurants, clothing stores, and movie theaters, bowl-

ing alleys, whatever your teens love.

Five and ten dollars a piece is more than enough, so they do not need to be expensive

cards. How many you purchase depends on how many guests you have coming and

how many prizes you want to give away with this game.

Remove the cards from their original cardboard holders and attach each one to a blank

piece of paper. Arrange them upside down on a table and make sure the matches are

not near one another. Kids can take a turn trying to flip over matches, keeping the ones

they match up.

You may want to give each teen one try when they first walk in the door and then allow

them to take turns until everything has been won once all guests have arrived.

Celebrity Truth or Lie

Have your teen help you come up with

some true and false bits of trivia about

celebrities all their friends will know about.

Write each statement on piece of paper

marked with a number. Create an answer

key showing which numbers are correct or

false and then mix the papers in a bowl.

Allow kids to randomly draw out a piece

of paper and decide as a group which

ones are true and which ones are false.

Play with words and put in some trick

questions that may bring debate and

stump them a bit.

The Sports Party

If you want to get the teens up and mov-

ing, consider setting up a variety of sport-

ing events that they can compete with

one another in. You can play volleyball

over a couch or get outdoors to see who

can make the most hoops in a give period

of time.

Switcheroo Parties

Consider adding a twist to the party and

ask boys to come dressed as girls and girls

to come dressed as boys. You can also ask

guests to dress up as someone else com-

ing to the party (putting a list of guests

online may help). Everyone will get a good

laugh trying to guess who is dressed as

who.

Tiffany Wetherbee shares some fun teenage birthday party games as well as unique party game ideas for all occasions on her site at Games-for-All-Reasons.com

Teenage Birthday Party Ideas: Make It a Party They will Talk About on Monday

mckinneykidsmagazine Back to School 2010 1�www.northtexasmagazines.com


In order for your middle school student to suc-ceed within the educational process, it is important for parents to work on motivation management at home and in so doing encourage their children to do the best that they can. Here I have provided seven simple steps toward motivating your middle school student. By instilling proper motivational strategies, your student will have the drive and de-sire to achieve beyond their wildest imagination.

1. Show love and patience

As parents, we need to make patience and love

a top priority. Displaying this love and patience

sets the stage for how they as students receive

and retain educational information. Foundational

support and verbal encouragement are key ele-

ments in motivation management and helping

your child to develop interests and skills that

he/she will use in their lifetime.

2. Provide boundaries

Provide and encourage boundaries. Talk with

your child about certain TV programs, video

games and music. Be aware of your child’s

friends and activities that they engage in. Guide

them in helping to decide on how to make good

decisions about their lives.

3. Be a role model

Be an example for your child by showing a

continued interest in their education. Encourage

them to develop proper and fruitful study and

organizational skills. Don’t hesitate to commu-

nicate to them that you are also in a continual

process of education in your parenting and

career skills.

4. Teach responsibility

Teach accountability and responsibility. Provide

areas of attainable goals and teach your child

to complete the tasks they have set out to ac-

complish. Reward finished tasks and encourage

continual growth.

Motivation Management: 7 Ways To Motivate Your Middle School

Student


Teaching and molding our children to be involved in their educa-

tion is not an easy task, but once achieved can create a lifetime

of learning and success. This is especially important for middle

school aged children who are at such a crucial time in their lives.

They are at a crossroads where the decisions that they make may

dictate what level of educational success they experience in the

future.

We all need to constantly remind ourselves that we are not

perfect, nor does our child expect us to be. But if we attempt

to utilize available resources for guiding and encouraging our

middle school children, we hopefully will see them succeed in the

educational process and in life itself.

Debra Knowlton is a highly experienced tutor specializing in a variety of subjects and grade levels. Discover how online tutoring can help your child improve their grades and launch their confidence! Go to http://www.tutorfi.com/TutorDebsOnlineTutoring

5. Give variety

Offer a varied range of life experiences. Life is never just vanilla.

Help them to realize the wonderful variety of subjects that

education has to offer. Utilize resources for fresh and fulfilling

educational memories.

6. Acknowledge peer pressure

Keep abreast of life’s hazards of potential negative behavior.

Culture continues to offer potentially harmful activities. Know

the pressures your child does face on a daily basis. Help them to

distinguish between helpful and harmful endeavors.

7. Talk with your child

Communication is key. Always realize that your child faces many

issues that are of supreme importance to them. As their parent,

they look to you for understanding and guidance. Be honest

and humble. Never be afraid to communicate to them that you

don’t always know the answer. But do assure them that you will

always search for a resolution. Listen even if you don’t share

their intensity. Motivation management starts at home.


There is nothing wrong with a little boredom now and then.

Boredom can be good for kids’ mental health and well-being,

giving them the chance to muck around and take it easy for a

time.

Here are 5 ideas to help you unwind your kids:

1. Let your kids regularly stare into the ‘fire’: Ever sat around a

camp-fire and stared at the flames? If so, you will know how

calming it is. No exertion! No need to think! No need to talk to

anyone! Just a chance to chill-out and relax. The TV is the mod-

ern version of the camp-fire. Yep, TV used in this way is good for

kids’ mental health.

2. Let kids exercise without rules: Kids are the kings and queens

of play. Always have been. Until lately that is, when their lives

have become highly organised and scheduled. Free, child-initi-

ated play is the ultimate in relaxation. Fun games, games with

few rules and games that kids control help them to unwind

3. Let kids experience flow: Flow is a state we get into when we

are so engrossed in an activity that time disappears. It is the ul-

timate unwind. We get flow when we pursue our passions so en-

courage teens to find activities that they truly love and get lost

in. Free play generally takes young children to flow very quickly

so opportunities for unstructured play are essential.

Modern kids are busy kids.Regardless of age, their days are filled with activities.

Under fives do a range of adult-initiated learning activities de-

signed to give them the best start to their learning lives.

School-aged kids have a huge range of leisure and after-school

activities to choose from. It is not uncommon for kids to have four

and five extra-curricular activities a week.

Nothing wrong with kids being busy as long as they have plenty of

chances to relax and unwind.

Relaxation is a key to good mental health and well-being. It is an

important life skill for kids to learn.

Balance busyness with boredom

One way to ensure busy kids unwind is to make sure kids get

bored every so often.

There is a temptation to fill kids’ days with activities so that no

time is wasted.

“I’m bored!” is the last thing most parents want to hear their kids

say. Many parents feel compelled to do something to alleviate a

child’s boredom.

Helping Kids Unwind


4. Help kids calm down around bedtime: Have a bedtime rou-

tine that calms kids down rather than winds them up. You can

become part of this routine by reading books, telling nursery

rhymes, providing soothing back rubs and other ways.

5. Unwind with your kids: When I was young the best times I had

with my dad were spent in the backyard playing cricket. Sounds

like a cliché I know. It was fun because it was never a chore for

him. He loved it as it was a chance for him to unwind after work.

Find ways you can unwind and rejuvenate with your kids.

We want our kids to be busy and involved rather inactive and

apathetic. However activity needs to be balanced with unsched-

uled time so that perspective as well as everyone’s sanity is

maintained.

Developing a sense of ‘we’ not ‘me’ in your family

Have you a process to teach kids to solve issues without fists,

fights and put-downs?

Have you a system to give kids a voice in your family so your

kids cooperate more?

Do the words “math homework” strike fear in your child…or you?

What if we told you that we can change that fear into better grades and higher self-confidence, and eliminate the frustration, tears, and fights over math homework?

Imagine how much better homework time would be.

Discover how a better understanding of math can change your child’s attitude. Before you know it, your child could be crazy about math.

Your neighborhood center is at Orchid Center, 4100 W. Eldorado Pkwy. #220, McKinney. Call or visit to learn how convenient and affordable your child’s soaring self-confidence can be!

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Helping Kids Unwind Have you an easy way to teach kids skills such as giving compli-

ments, encouraging others and thinking positively?

If you answered no to any of these questions then consider add-

ing the Family Roundtable to your set of parenting strategies. It

will change the way you parent and how your kids behave.

“The Family Roundtable is a proven way to create a strong sense of ‘we’ in families, promote greater cooperation and teach

kids lifelong conflict resolution skills.”

Michael Grose is Australia’s NO. 1 parenting expert. He is the director of www.parentingideas.com.au, the author of seven books for parents and a popular presenter who speaks to audiences in Australia, Singapore and the USA. Get your FREE Chores and Responsibilities for Kids Guide when you visit http://www.parentingideas.com.au


In our basement is a place for our kids

to learn and create. It’s not a fancy

space, but it’s practical, spacious and

kid friendly. A kids’ art and craft desk,

a computer just for children, a piano

keyboard, a bucket of instruments, an

easel, and two kids’ tables with kid

sized chairs fill the space. The floor un-

derneath our “Learn and Create Space”

is linoleum that holds up well against

spills and abuse. Messes can be made

here and explorations are welcome. It

a good place for noisy play too. Our

“Learn and Create Space” welcomes

children to come, play and discover.

We call this basement space the “Art

Area,” but a lot more than art is made

here. The art easel is used to play

school, our kid’s computer teaches

keyboarding, the art desk sets the

stage for creative exploration, a band

plays using the available instruments,

and the kid’s table and chairs are

perfect for crafting and other projects.

Once I filled the space my kids moved

right in and began to play. Today, it’s

a “hot spot” in our home. Everyone

small loves to do what they do best in

our “Art Area.”

When I was a kid I lived at the kitchen

table. I liked the space the kitchen

table gave me. I could go back and

forth between activities there. At one

end of the table would sit some test

questions that needed review. At the

other end a watercolor painting might

be drying. More towards the middle

of the table an afternoon snack would,

perhaps, sit half consumed. I was a kid,

so my stuff had a way of spreading like

spilled milk. By the end of the day the table was often buried in all my projects. I’m lucky

my parents tolerated my tendency to spread out. The freedom to fill the kitchen, with all

the activities for the day, allowed me a greater opportunity to learn and create.

I am thankful that my parents allowed me to take over the kitchen table. Today I like to

offer my own children the same freedoms. This is pretty easy since there are so many new

ways to set up a space that’s just right for busy kids. My favorite new space maker is a kid’s

table and chairs. Children don’t have to prop themselves at the kitchen table, or sit on

their knees anymore. These tables are just the right size for comfortable sitting. The kid’s

tables are just the right height for a child, and chairs that are “just right” are easy to find.

Today you can find matching table and chair sets, or you can mix and match if you prefer.

Kids Love Their Own Space to Learn and Create

mckinneykidsmagazine Back to School 2010 1�

You can also bring home a child sized kidney shaped table just

like the ones in a preschool classroom. These tables are just

the right height for children and they have loads of space for

multiple projects. Chairs that match are readily available. You’d

be amazed at the options that are out there.

“When I set up a space for our kids to learn and create I was deliber-ate. I considered everything I had

learned about kids, because I wanted to give my own kids a

really good place to grow.”

I traveled back to my undergraduate years, when I studied art

and education, and I thought about what I had learned about

environments that fostered creativity. I visited my graduate

school days when I read text books filled with suggestions for

helping kids learn to read and develop their basic academic

skills. I reflected on the many classrooms that I taught within.

I remembered the spaces I created for students and I remem-

bered the students that filled the spaces. I drew on my own

experiences as a teacher and a creative person. I pulled all of

this knowledge together to make the perfect space for my own

children to learn and create. There’s never been a day that I’ve

regretted the energy and resources I tapped into to make our

“Art Area.” My kids love their “Create and Learn Space” and they

use it every day. It’s just perfect for them.

As I sit at my computer I can look at all the evidence. It’s the

evidence that my kids are learning and creating. Their art desk

is covered in paper airplanes, buttons glued to construction

paper, pipe cleaners loaded with beads, and feathers poked into

a three inch diameter Styrofoam ball. The art easel is dressed

with a newsprint pad that is opened to a drawing of stick figure

people playing roller hockey. There’s also a table, about two feet

high, that’s stacked with unfinished crafts that will soon get at-

tention. A little chair sits and waits for someone to fill it. It won’t

take long before someone does fill it, because my kids can’t wait

to use their space to learn and create. They know it’s just perfect

for them, because they’re the ones that use it and they’re the

ones that love it.

Take some time to make a “Learn and Create Space” for your

children. You’re children will love it and they’ll use it. It’s an in-

vestment you won’t regret, and it will bring a lifetime of returns.

Alisa E. Clark, an educator for over 10 years with a Master’s Degree in Reading Education, reviews and consults with companies and schools districts about the latest tools and programs to enhance student learning. Her web site is at http://www.kidcubby.com.

We move this September to4260 W. Eldorado Pkwy, McKinney Texas

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