miss pettigrew lives for a day
TRANSCRIPT
M
CHAPTERONE
9.15AM—11.11AM
issPettigrewpushedopenthedooroftheemploymentagencyandwentinastheclockstruckaquarterpastnine.Shehad,asusual,verylittlehope,buttodaythePrincipalgreetedherwithamorecheerfulsmile.
“Ah!MissPettigrew.Ithinkwehavesomethingforyoutoday.TwocameinwhenIhadleftlastnight.Nowletmesee.Ahyes!Mrs.Hilary,maid.MissLaFosse,nurserygoverness.Hmn!You’dhavethoughtitwastheotherwayround.Butthere!Iexpectshe’sanauntwithanadoptedorphanniece,orsomething.”
ShegaveMissPettigrewparticulars.“Thereyouarethen.MissLaFosse,5,OnslowMansions.Theappointmentis
fortensharpthismorning.You’llmakeitnicely.”“Ohthankyou,”MissPettigrewsaidweakly,nearlyfaintingwithrelief.She
clutchedthecardofparticularsfirmlyinherhand.“I’dnearlygivenuphope.Notmanyofmykindofpostthesedays.”
“Notmany,”agreedMissHolt,and,asthedoorclosedbehindMissPettigrew,“Ihopethat’sthelastIseeofher,”thoughtMissHolt.
OutsideonthepavementMissPettigrewshiveredslightly.Itwasacold,grey,foggyNovemberdaywithadrizzleofrainintheair.Hercoat,ofanondescript,uglybrown,wasnotverythick.Itwasfiveyearsold.Londontrafficroaredabouther.Pedestrianshastenedtoreachtheirdestinationsandgetoutofthedepressingatmosphereasquicklyaspossible.MissPettigrewjoinedthethrong,amiddle-aged,ratherangularlady,ofmediumheight,thinthroughlackofgoodfood,withatimid,defeatedexpressionandterrorquitediscernibleinhereyes,ifanyonecaredtolook.ButtherewasnopersonalfriendorrelationinthewholeworldwhokneworcaredwhetherMissPettigrewwasaliveordead.
MissPettigrewwenttothebus-stoptoawaitabus.Shecouldnotaffordthefare,butshecouldstilllessaffordtoloseapossiblesituationbybeinglate.Thebusdepositedheraboutfiveminutes’walkfromOnslowMansions,andatsevenminutestotenpreciselyshewasoutsideherdestination.
Itwasaveryexclusive,veryopulent,veryintimidatingblockofflats.Miss
Itwasaveryexclusive,veryopulent,veryintimidatingblockofflats.MissPettigrewwasconsciousofhershabbyclothes,herfadedgentility,hercouragelostthroughweeksoffacingtheworkhouse.Shestoodamoment.Sheprayedsilently.“OhLord!IfI’veeverdoubtedyourbenevolenceinthepast,forgivemeandhelpmenow.”Sheaddedaridertoherprayer,withthefirstcandidconfessionshehadevermadetoherconsciousmind.“It’smylastchance.Youknowit.Iknowit.”
Shewentin.Aporterinthehalleyedherquestioningly.HercouragefailedatringingfortheliftsoshemountedthemainstairwayandlookedarounduntilshediscoveredN°5.AlittleplateonthedoorsaidMissLaFosse.Shelookedatherwatch,inheritedfromhermother,waiteduntilitsaidpreciselyten,thenrang.
Therewasnoanswer.Sherangagain.Shewaitedandrangagain.Shewasnotnormallysoassertive,butfeargaveherthecourageofdesperation.Sherang,offandon,forfiveminutes.Suddenlythedoorflewopenandayoungwomanstoodintheentry.
MissPettigrewgasped.Thecreaturewassolovelyshecalledtomindimmediatelybeautiesofthescreen.Hergolden,curlyhair,tumbleduntidilyaboutherface.Sleepwasstillheavyinhereyes,blueasgentians.Thelovelyroseofyouthflushedhercheeks.Sheworethatkindoffoamyrobe,nomeredressing-gown,wornbythemostfamousofstarsinseductionscenesinthefilms.MissPettigrewwaswellversedintheetiquetteofdressandbehaviourofyoungwomenonthescreen.
Inadull,miserableexistenceheronewildextravagancewasherweeklyorgyatthecinema,whereforovertwohoursshelivedinanenchantedworldpeopledbybeautifulwomen,handsomeheroes,fascinatingvillains,charmingemployers,andtherewerenobullyingparents,noappallingoffspring,totease,torment,terrify,harryhereverywakinghour.Inreallifeshehadneverseenanywomanarrivetobreakfastinasilk,satinandlacenégligé.Everyonedidonthefilms.Toseeoneoftheselovelyvisionsinthefleshwasalmostmorethanshecouldbelieve.
ButMissPettigrewknewfrightwhenshesawit.Theyoungwoman’sface,whensheopenedthedoor,hadbeenrigidwithapprehension.AtsightofMissPettigrewitgrewradiantwithrelief.
“Ihavecome…”beganMissPettigrewnervously.“Whattimeisit?”“ItwasprompttenwhenIfirstrang.Thehouryounamed,Miss…Miss
LaFosse?Ihavebeenringingforaboutfiveminutes.Itisnowfive-pastten.”“MyGod!”MissPettigrew’ssurprisinginterrogatorswungroundanddisappearedback
MissPettigrew’ssurprisinginterrogatorswungroundanddisappearedbackintotheroom.Shedidnotsaycomein,butforagentlewomantofacedestitutionwasaveryseriouscrisis:MissPettigrewfoundcourage,walkedinandshutthedoorbehindher.“AtleastIshallaskforaninterview,”thoughtMissPettigrew.
Shesawthewhiskofdraperiesdisappearthroughanotherdoorandheardavoicesayingurgently,“Phil.Phil.Youlazyhound.Getup.It’shalf-pastten.”
“Pronetoexaggerate,”thoughtMissPettigrew.“Notagoodinfluenceforchildrenatall.”
Shenowhadtimetotakeinhersurroundings.Brilliantcushionsornamentedmorebrilliantchairsandchesterfield.Adeep,velvetycarpetofstrange,futuristicdesign,decoratedthefloor.Gorgeous,breathtakingcurtainsdrapedthewindows.Onthewallshungpicturesnot…notquitedecent,decidedMissPettigrew.Ornamentsofeverycolourandshapeadornedmantelpiece,tableandstands.Nothingmatchedanythingelse.Everythingwasofanexoticbrilliancethattookawaythebreath.
“Nottheroomofalady,”thoughtMissPettigrew.“Notthekindofroommydearmotherwouldhavechosen.”
“Andyet…why,yes!Quitedefinitelyyes,thekindofroomthatperfectlysuitedthelovelycreaturewhohadsoabruptlydisappeared.”
MissPettigrewcastasternlydisapprovingeyeabouther,butbehindherdisapprovalstirredastrangesensationofexcitement.Thiswasthekindofroominwhichonedidthingsandstrangeeventsoccurredandamazingcreatures,likehermomentaryinquisitor,livedvivid,exciting,hazardouslives.
ShockedbysuchflightythoughtsMissPettigrewtookherimaginationseverelyinhandandforceditbacktothepractical.
“Children,”ponderedMissPettigrew.“Wherecouldonepossiblyteachorplaywithchildreninanimpossibleroomlikethis?Inkordirtymarksonthosecushionswouldbedesecration.”
Frombehindthedoorofwhatwas,presumably,thebedroom,MissPettigrewcouldmakeoutaheatedaltercationinprogress.Thelow,pleasantlygrumblingtonesofaman’svoice,“Comeonbacktobed.”
AndMissLaFosse’shigh,exhortingvoice,“NoIwon’t.Ican’thelpitifyou’restillsleepy.I’mawakeandI’vegotalotofthingstodothismorning.Ican’thaveyoulyingsnoringhereallmorning,‘cosIwanttogetthisroomtidied.”
SoonthedooropenedandMissLaFosseappearedagain,almostimmediatelyfollowedbyaman,cladinadressing-gownofsuchbrilliantlycolouredsilkMissPettigrewblinked.
Pettigrewblinked.Shestoodapprehensive,clutchingherhandbaginquiveringfingers,awaiting
thechillinginquiryofwhatherpresencemeant.Hotwavesofnervousdreadmadeherperspirejustalittle.Shewasalwaysatherworstatinterviews.Suddenlyshefeltterrified,defeated,forlorn,beforeeverthebattlecommenced.Peoplelikethese…anykindofemployer…wouldneveragainpayherforherservices.Shestoodasdignifiedaspossible,stoical,terrified,awaitingherdismissal.
Theyoungmanglancedatheramiably,withoutatraceofsurprise.“‘Morning.”“Goodmorning,”saidMissPettigrew.Shefeltsoweakshesimplysatdownbangonachair.“Didsheroutyououtofbedaswell?”“No,”saidMissPettigrew.“Awonder.Earlytobeabroadandfullyclad,isn’tit?”“Itisthirteenminutespastten,”saidMissPettigrewseverely.“Ah!Upallnight.Don’tbelieveintheseall-nightbingesmyself.Ilikemy
sleep.DeadalldayifIdon’tgetit.”“Ihavenotbeenupallnight,”saidMissPettigrew,beginningtofeel
bewildered.“Ialwaysdidadmirewomen.”MissPettigrewgaveitup.Theseconversationalpyrotechnicswerebeyond
her.Shestaredathim.Hewasdapper,neat,brisk,withbrilliant,liquidbrowneyesanddarkhair.Hehadajuttingnose,afull-lippedmouthandalookabouthimthatsaidhewasnotamantoplaytrickswith,yetahinthecouldbepleasantenoughiffolkswerepleasantwithhim.
“Andyes,”thoughtMissPettigrew;“somewhereinhisancestrytherehasbeenaJew.”
Hesaidinaconversationaltonetonooneinparticular,“Well,youmaybeinahurryandsatisfiedwithorangejuice,butI’mnot.I’mhungry.Iwantmybreakfast.”
“Breakfast?”gaspedMissLaFosse.“Breakfast!Youknowmymaid’sleft.Ican’tcook.Ican’tcookanythingbutaboiledegg.”
“Ihateboiledeggs.”MissLaFosse’seyesswivelledroundtoMissPettigrew.Herexpression
becameimploring,beseeching.“Canyoucook?”MissPettigrewstoodup.“WhenIwasagirl,”saidMissPettigrew,“myfathersaidthataftermydear
“WhenIwasagirl,”saidMissPettigrew,“myfathersaidthataftermydearmotherIwasthebestplaincookheknew.”
MissLaFosse’sfacebecameilluminedwithjoy.“Iknewit.TheminuteIlaideyesonyouIknewyouwerethekindofperson
tobereliedon.I’mnot.I’mnouseatall.Thekitchen’sthroughthatdoor.You’llfindeverythingthere.Buthurry.Pleasehurry.”
Flattered,bewildered,excited,MissPettigrewmadeforthedoor.Sheknewshewasnotapersontobereliedupon.Butperhapsthatwasbecausehithertoeveryonehadperpetuallytakenherinadequacyforgranted.Howdoweknowwhatlatentpossibilitiesofachievementwepossess?Chinup,eyesshining,pulsebeating,MissPettigrewwentintothekitchen.BehindherMissLaFosse’svoicecarriedon,“Nowyougoandgetshavedanddressed,Phil,andbythetimeyouarereadybreakfastwillbeready.Icansetthetable.”
InthekitchenMissPettigrewlookedabouther.Everythingwasuptodate.Tiledwalls,refrigerator,electricoven,pantrystockedtooverflowing,but,“ohdear,howuntidy,”thoughtMissPettigrew!“Andyes,notclean.Whoeverhadchargeherewasa…aslut.”
Shetookoffhercoatandhatandsettowork.Soontheblissfularomaoffriedhamandeggsandcoffeefilledtheair.Shediscoveredanelectrictoaster.Toasttookitscorrectplace.Shewentbackintotheroom.
“Everythingisready,MissLaFosse.”MissLaFosse’sfacetookonabrilliantsmileofthanks.Herhairwasnow
brushedandherlipscarminedandafaintfilmofpowdergavebloomtoherface.Shestillworethegorgeous,silknégligéthatmadeherlooksobreathtakinglylovelythatMissPettigrewthought,“NowonderPhilwantedhertogobacktobed.”Thenblushedapainful,agonizingredofaghastshamethatsuchathoughtcouldeventouchthefringeofhervirginmind.Andthen…andthenshethought,“MissLaFosse.Itcouldn’tbe.”
“There,”saidMissLaFossesolicitously.“You’vegoneallred.It’scookingoverahotstove.That’swhyI’venevercultivatedtheart.Itsimplyruinsthecomplexion.I’mterriblysorry.”
“It’sallright,”saidMissPettigrewwithresignation.“I’vereachedtheagewhen…whencomplexionsdon’tmatter.”
“Notmatter!”saidMissLaFosse,shocked.“Complexionsalwaysmatter.”Philcamebackintotheroom.Hewasnowfullydressedandworealotof
ringswithveryshiningstones.MissPettigrewprivatelyshookherhead.“Notingoodtaste,”shethought.“Gentlemenneverwearallthoserings.”“Ha!”ejaculatedPhil.“Mynosesmellsbreakfastandmystomachsaysits
“Ha!”ejaculatedPhil.“Mynosesmellsbreakfastandmystomachsaysitswaitingforit.Stoutwoman.”
MissPettigrewsmiledhappily.“Idohopeit’scookedtoyoursatisfaction.”“Suretobe.Myhostessisauselesshussy.I’mgladshehasusefulfriends.”Hebeamedamiably.Thenabruptly,boldly,frankly,MissPettigrew
acknowledgedtoherselfthatshelikedhim.“Ido,”sheapostrophizedhershockedotherselfdeterminedly.“Idon’tcare.I
do.He’snotquite…quitedelicate.Buthe’snice.Hedoesn’tcarewhetherI’mshabbyandpoor.I’malady,sohe’spoliteinhiswaytome.”
Perhapsitwasbecausehewasdifferentfromanyothermanshehadevermet.Hewasnotagentleman,yettherewassomethinginhischeerfulpleasantriesthatsuddenlymadeherfeelmorecomfortablyhappyandconfidentthanallthepolite,excludingcourtesiesthathadbeenhermeasurefrommenallherlife.MissLaFossewasspeakingtoher.
“I’vesetaplaceforyou.Evenifyou’vehadyourbreakfastacupofnicecoffeenevercomesamissatthistime.”
“Oh!”saidMissPettigrew,touched.“How…howexceptionallykindofyou.”Shesuddenlywantedtocry,butshedidn’t.Surprisinglysheliftedherhead
firmlyandsaidauthoritatively,“NowyoutwositdownandI’llservebreakfast.Everything’sready.”
Philenjoyedhisbreakfast.Heateleisurelythroughagrapefruit,hamandeggs,toastandmarmalade,fruit.Thenheleanedbackcomfortablyinhischairanddugoutofhispocketapacketofvillainous-lookingcheroots.
“Dashitall,I’msorry,”heapologizedtoMissPettigrew.“Haven’tgotacigaretteonmetoofferyou.Alwaysmeantocarry‘emandalwaysforget.”
MissPettigrewflutteredinherchairandlookedalittlepinkwithpleasure.Shecouldn’tlookquiteasantiquatedasshehadalwaysimaginedifamanthoughtshesmoked.
“Idowishyouwouldn’tsmokethosenastythings,”grumbledMissLaFosse.“Idon’tlikethesmell.”
“Forceofhabit,”saidPhilapologetically.“Bought‘emwhenIcouldn’taffordcigars,andnowIdon’twantcigars.”
“Oh,well.Everyonetohistaste,”saidMissLaFossephilosophically.AllthistimeMissPettigrew’sdelicatefemaleperceptionshadbeenaware
thattheirhostesswasinahighstateofagitationbehindhersmilingfront.SuddenlyMissLaFossejumpedtoherfeetandmadeforthekitchen.
“Imusthavesomemorecoffee.”MissPettigrewfollowedherwithhereyes.Shesawherstopinthedoorwayandmakefranticsignsofappeal.Miss
Shesawherstopinthedoorwayandmakefranticsignsofappeal.MissPettigrewhadneverbeenanactressinherlife,butnowshegaveabrilliantperformance.Sherosetoherfeetwithjusttherighttouchoftolerantamusementinhervoice.
“I’dbettergomyself.She’squitecapableofpouringitoverherself.”InthekitchenMissLaFosseclutchedherarmfrantically.“Youmustgethimout.MyGod!WhatshallIdo!Youmustgethimoutat
once.Youcandoitwithouthisguessing.I’msureyoucandoanything.Please,pleasegethimoutforme.”
Shewrungherhandsindistress,herlovelyfacequitewhitewithagitation.Thekitchenpulsedwithdrama.NoonecouldhaveresistedMissLaFosse’sappeal,letaloneMissPettigrewwithhersusceptibleheart.Shefeltstrongwithcompassionandsympathy,thoughforwhatshehadn’tthefaintestidea.Yetbehindhersolicitude,ratherguiltily,MissPettigrewfeltthemostglorious,exhilaratingsensationofexcitementshehadeverexperienced.“This,”thoughtMissPettigrew,“isLife.Ihaveneverlivedbefore.”
Butfeelingpitywasn’tenough.Thislovelychildlookedtohertoact.MissPettigrewhadneverinherlifebeforedealtwithasituationthatneededsuchfinesse.Whatshouldshedo?Hermindrangedinpanicoverherpastlife.Fromwhatexperiencecouldshedraw?ShethoughtofMrs.MortlemaninthatGolder’sGreenpostandherterriblehusbandshehadmanagedsowell.Ifonly…MissPettigrew,fromnowhere,feltanamazing,powerfulassurancepouringintoherveins.Thisbeautifulcreaturebelievedinher.Shewouldnotfailher.CouldaMissPettigrewnotbeaMrs.Mortleman?
“Ihavenever,”saidMissPettigrew,“toldablacklieinmylife,andveryfewwhiteones,butthereisalwaysatimetobegin.”
“Hemustn’tguessIwanthimaway.You’resureyouwon’tlethimguess.”“Hewon’tguess.”MissLaFosseflungherarmsroundMissPettigrewandkissedher.“Oh,youdarling!HowcanIthankyou?Oh,thankyou,thankyou…you’re
sureyoucanmanage?”“Leaveittome,”saidMissPettigrew.MissLaFossemadeforthedoor.
Calmly,collectedly,fullpowersincontrol,MissPettigrewchidedhergently.“You’veforgottenthecoffee.”MissPettigrewfilledthecoffeepot,turned
aroundandwentbackintotheroom.Herheartwasthumping,hercheekswereflushed,shefeltweakwithnervousness,butshehadneverfeltsoexhilaratedinherlife.Thingswerehappening.MissLaFossefollowedmeeklybehind.
MissPettigrewsatdown,pouredoutanothercupofcoffeeforherselfand
MissPettigrewsatdown,pouredoutanothercupofcoffeeforherselfandMissLaFosseandwaited,withdevilishtact,forafewminutes.Thatmarvelloussenseofassurancestillupheldher.Phillookedsetforthemorning.AtlastMissPettigrewspoke.Sheleanedforwardwithhergentle,engagingsmile.
“Youngman,IamabusywomanandIhavealotofthingstodiscusswithMissLaFosse.WouldyoumindverymuchifIweresorudeastoaskyoutoleaveusalonetogether?”
“Whatthings?”MissPettigrewwasnotbeaten.“Oh!”saidMissPettigrewwithdelicatereserve.“Certainarticles…ofa
lady’sclothing…”“That’sallright.Iknowallabout‘em.”“Intheory,perhaps,”saidMissPettigrewwithdignity.“Inpractice…Ihope
not.Wearefitting.”“Idon’tmindlearning.”“Youchoosetojoke,”saidMissPettigrewsternly.“O.K.”saidPhilresignedly.“I’llwaitinthebedroom.”MissPettigrewshookherheadwithgentleamusement.“Ifthatsuitsyou…butIdon’tthinkyou’lllikesittingforoveranhourina
coldbedroom.”“Youcan’tbediscussingunderclothesallthetime.”“Thereareotherfeminineinterests.”“Can’tIlistenin?”“Youcannot,”saidMissPettigrewfirmly.“Whynot?Ain’titpureenoughformyears?”MissPettigrewstoodupanddrewherselftoherfullheight.“Iam,”saidMissPettigrew,“thedaughterofacurate.”Hewasquelled.“O.K.,sister.Youwin.I’llscram.”“Thecontaminatingeffect,”thoughtMissPettigrewseverely,“oftoomany
cheapAmericanfilms.”MissPettigrewherselfhelpedhimonwithhiscoat.AllthistimeMiss
LaFosseworeanairofvaguedetachment,asthoughshedidn’treallycarewhetherhewentorstayed,butonemusthumourthesemiddle-agedfemales.AndonceshewinkedathimatMissPettigrew’sexpense.MissPettigrewnoted,andhernew,indecorousselfgavefullmarksofapprovalforthedelicatetouchitgavetothewholeconspiracy.
“Well,goodbye,baby,”saidPhil.“Seeyouanon.”HetookMissLaFosseinhisarmsandkissedher,justasthoughhedidn’t
HetookMissLaFosseinhisarmsandkissedher,justasthoughhedidn’tcarewhetherMissPettigrewsawornot.And,ofcourse,hecouldn’tcare.MissPettigrewsatdownweakly.
“Ohdear!”MissPettigrew’svirginmindstrovewildlyforadjustment.“Kisses…infrontofme.Imeansuch…suchardentkisses.Notatallproper.”
Buthertraitorous,femaleheartturnedrightoverinherbodyandthoroughlysympathizedwiththelookofwhole-heartedenjoymentregisteredbyMissLaFosse’sface.AndeventhoughhewasobviouslyleftalittledrunkwiththereciprocatoryfervourofMissLaFosse’skisses,Philstill,verypolitely,rememberedtosaygoodbyetoherself.
AlastkissforMissLaFosse,alastwordforMissPettigrew,Philopenedthedoorandwasgone.
W
CHAPTERTWO
11.11AM—11.35AM
iththebangingofthedoorbehindPhil,thedooralsobangedonMissPettigrew’sexhilaratingfeelingofadventure,romanceandjoy.Shefeltsuddenlytired,inefficientandnervousagain.Shehadonlybeen
allowedtheprivilegeofseeingromanceforashorttime,butitwasnotreallyherportioninlife.Nowallthepractical,terrifyingworriesofherdailylifepouredbackintohermind.ShewasnowtheapplicantforapostandMissLaFosseherpossibleemployer.ShewouldneverlearnwhoPhilwas,orwhathislastnamewas,orwhyMissLaFossesourgentlywantedhimawaywhenshesoobviouslyenjoyedhiskisses.
Shepushedbackawispofstrayinghairwithshakingfingersandgatheredherselftogetherforthealwaysterrifyingordealofstatinghernegligiblequalifications.
“About…”beganMissPettigrewwithanattemptatfirmness.MissLaFosseswoopeddownonherandcaughtherhands.“You’vesavedmylife.HowcanIthankyou!You’vesavedmorethanmy
life.You’vesavedasituation.Iwasutterlylostwithoutyou.Inevercouldhavegothimawaymyself.Icanneverrepayyou.”
Theremembranceofsterndictums,“Tosucceed,seizeopportunitywhenitknocks,”cameintoMissPettigrew’smind.Withthelastremnantsofhercourageshebeganfeebly,“Butyoucan…”
MissLaFossedidn’thearher.Shebegantospeakurgentlyanddramatically,butMissPettigrewcouldseethatlaughterlitthebacksofMissLaFosse’seyesasmuchastosayshequiterealizedshewashopelessbuthopedMissPettigrewwouldhumourher.
“Isyourpulsefluttering?”askedMissLaFosse.“Isyoureyesightexcellent?”MissPettigrew’spulsewasfluttering,butshethought,“Onelietoday,why
nottwo?”“Mypulseisnotfluttering,”saidMissPettigrew,“Andmyeyesightis
excellent.”“Oh!”saidMissLaFosseingreatrelief.“Iknewyouwerethecalmkind.
“Oh!”saidMissLaFosseingreatrelief.“Iknewyouwerethecalmkind.Mineis,soIknowI’mtooagitatedtosee.Youknowthewayitisindetectivebooks.You’veclearedeverythingaway,orthinkyouhave,thenthedetectivesgoaroundsnoopingandtheydiscoverapipeoranalysesomeashandfindit’scigarashandthentheysay,‘Ha!Soyousmokeacigarnow,doyou,miss?’Andyou’redonefor.”
“Isee,”saidMissPettigrew,notseeingatall,completelybewildered,andwithvisionsofpolicemen,sergeants,detectives,descendingonMissLaFosse’sflat.
“Noyoudon’t.Imustexplaineverything.Nick’scomingthismorning.AtleastI’mperfectlycertainhe’llcome,justtotryandcatchmeout.He’swickedlyjealous.”
Sheexplainedthiswiththekindoftonethatsaid,“There,I’vetoldall,confessedall.NowI’mcompletelyatyourmercy,butIknowyouwon’tfailme.”
MissPettigrew,completelysubmergedinunknownwaters,didherbesttosurmountthewaves.
“Youmeananotheryoungmaniscomingthismorning?”shequestionedfaintly.
“That’sit,”saidMissLaFosseinrelief.“Iknewyou’dunderstand.Willyoucleareverythingaway,everysinglethingdowntohaircastings,thatmightfaintlyhintanothermanhasbeenpresent.”
ThewatersnearlywentoverMissPettigrew’shead,butshemanagedaweak,falteringvoice.
“Thesafestcoursewouldbenottolethimin.”“Oh.Icouldn’tdothat.”“Whynot?”questionedMissPettigrewinsurprise.“I’msortofafraidofhim,”saidMissLaFossesimply.“If,”saidMissPettigrewwithbrilliantcourage,“ifyouareafraidofthis
youngman,I…Iwillgotothedoorforyouandsayveryfirmlyyouare‘notathome‘.”
“Ohdear!”MissLaFossewrungherhands.“ButIdon’tthinkhe’llknock.Youseehe’sgotakey.He’lljustwalkin.AndIcouldn’tinanycase.Hepaystherent,youknow.Youseehowitis.”
“Isee,”saidMissPettigrewinasmallvoice.Shedidsee.Itwasnearlytoomuchforher.Sheknewsheshouldnowgatherherhatandcoat,elevatehernoseandwalkoutwithoutrageddignity.Butshecouldn’t.Sheheardhervoicesayingveryweakly,“Thencouldn’tyou…couldn’tyouhaveputofftheotheryoungmanlastnight?”
manlastnight?”“Ohdear!”saidMissLaFosse,againhopelessly.“It’ssoinvolved.Ididn’t
knowNickwascoming.Ionlygottoknowquitebychancelatelastnight.Hetoldmehewascominghometomorrow.He’sbeenaway,youknow.Ithinkhe…hedoubtsmealittle.SowhenPhilsaidcouldhecome,Isaidallright.AndthenwhenIheardaboutNickIcouldn’tputPhiloffwithoutaperfectlycast-ironexcuse,andI’mnotgoodatthem.AndIcouldn’tmakehimsuspicious.Hedoesn’tknowaboutNick.He’sgoingtobackmeinanewshow.Youseehowitis?”
“Isee,”saidMissPettigrew,shocked,excited,and,yes,thrilled.Thrilledrightdowntotheverymarrowofherbones.Whypretend?Thiswaslife.Thiswasdrama.Thiswasaction.Thiswasthewaytheotherhalflived.
“Soyouseewhatyou’vegottodo?”MissLaFossepleaded.“Youseehowvitalitis.You’resureyoucanmanage?”
MissPettigrewstoodstillandfoughtherfight.‘Standforvirtue’ranherfather’steachings.‘Castoutthesinner.Spurnhim.’Allhermaidenlyupbringing,herspinster’slifeofvirtue,hermoralbeliefs,raisedshockedhandsofindignation.Thensherememberedherplacesetattable,thecupsofcoffee,thethicklybutteredtoastpiledonherplate,which,hadMissLaFosseonlyknown,werethefirstfoodanddrinkshehadhadthatday.
“AsIsaidbefore,”remarkedMissPettigrew,“Ihaveexcellenteyesight.”Shewentintothebedroom.Whenshehadrapidlyerasedallpossiblemale
signsfromthebedroomandadjoiningbathroom,evendowntonailparings,shecamebackintothesittingroom.MissLaFossewasrecliningonthechesterfieldinfrontoftheelectricfire.Shehadbeenbusyherselfandclearedawayallthetell-talebreakfastdishes,butshestillworeherlovelynégligéthatmadeherlooklikeCircewithoutherwickedness.
“Now,”thoughtMissPettigrewmiserably,“itisreallybusiness.Nothingcanputitoffnow.”Shefeltasudden,unaccustomedstingatthebackofhereyes.Shehadlongagolearnedthattearswereneveranyuse.“Ohdear!”thoughtMissPettigrewsuddenly.“I’msotired,soterriblytiredofbusinessandlivinginotherpeople’shousesandbeingdependentontheirmoods.”
ShewalkedacrosstheroomslowlywiththehopelessdignityofthepetitionerandsatdownonacomfortablechairoppositeMissLaFosse.Shefoldedherhandsonherlapandheldthemveryfirmlytogether.ShenowbelieveditwasquitepossibleMissLaFossemighthaveafewstraychildrentuckedawaysomewhere,butwasbeginningtobedoubtfulwhetherherpastobligingwillingnesstohelpinthewayofdeceitwouldnowrecommendhertotheir
willingnesstohelpinthewayofdeceitwouldnowrecommendhertotheirmother.Motherswerequeercreatureswheretheirchildrenwereconcerned.Sauceforthegoosewasnotsauceforthegander.
“About…”beganMissPettigrewdesperately.MissLaFosseleanedforwardeagerly.“Iseverythingallright?”“Absolutely,”saidMissPettigrew.“Youcansetyourmindatrest.”“Oh,youdarling!”MissLaFosseleanedforwardimpulsivelyandkissedher
again,andthere,rightonMissPettigrew’sclaspedhands,felltwodropsofwaterandtwomoreweretricklingdownhercheeks.MissPettigrewflushedadelicatepink.
“Ihavenot,”saidMissPettigrewinhumbleexcuse,“hadmuchaffectioninmylife.”
“Oh,youpoorthing,”saidMissLaFossegently.“I’vealwayshadsuchalot.”“I’mglad,”saidMissPettigrewsimply.AfterthattheywerefriendsandMissLaFosse,tactfully,ignoredthetears.“About…”beganMissPettigrewagain.“It’sbecauseyou’resounderstanding,”brokeinMissLaFosseeagerly.“Ifelt
itatonce.I’mverygoodatfirstimpressions.Here’sawoman,Ithought,whowouldn’tletanotherwomandown.”
“No.Iwouldn’tdothat,”saidMissPettigrew.“Iknewit.I’vetrespassedonyourkindnessalot,Iknow,butdon’tyouthink
youcouldstayabit?Imean,Nickmightbehereanyminute.I’dappreciateitalot.”
“Stay,”saidMissPettigrew.“Yes,”saidMissLaFossepleadingly.“If…ifIcouldbeofanyassistance,”saidMissPettigrew.“Yousee,Nick’saverydangerousperson.That’swhyhehadn’ttolearnof
Phil.He’smoremoneythanPhil.He’smoreinfluencethanPhil.HemightquiteeasilydosomethingthatmighthurtPhil.Icouldn’thavethathappen.Imean,itwouldn’tbefair.Afterall,IledPhilon.Phil’swillingtobackmeinashow.Nickwon’t.He’stoojealous.Hewon’thelpmeaninchwithmycareer,andhowevermuchyoulikeamanyoustillwantyourcareer.SoyouseeIcouldn’thaveNicktryingtohurtPhil.”
“No,”agreedMissPettigrewfirmly.“Itwouldn’tbefair.”“IknowallthebadthingstherearetoknowaboutNick,butit’snouse.When
he’sthereIcan’tresisthim.I’vebeentryingtoforalongtime.He’sbeenawayforthreeweeksandI’vesurvivedquitebeautifully,soIthoughtnoworneveristhetimetobreak.That’swhyIwantyoutostay.MeethimaloneandIknowI’m
thetimetobreak.That’swhyIwantyoutostay.MeethimaloneandIknowI’mlost.AlreadyIcanfeelquiversofexpectation.Soyousee,whenIwaver,andIknowI’llwaver,Iwantyoutobestrongforme.”
MissPettigrewnowforgotallaboutheroriginalerrand.Forthefirsttimefortwentyyearssomeonereallywantedherforherselfalone,notforhermeagrescholarlyqualifications.Forthefirsttimefortwentyyearsshewasherself,awoman,notapaidautomaton.ShewassointoxicatedwithprideshewouldhavecondonedfarworsesinsthanMissLaFossehavingtwoyoungmeninlovewithher.Sheputitlikethat.Shebecameatoncejudicial,admonitoryandquestioning.
“Iwouldn’tthinkofadvisingnormally,”saidMissPettigrew,“butI’magreatdealolderthanyouandshallactintheplaceofamother.Ifyouareafraidofthisnewyoungman,wouldn’titbeeasytoseverallconnexionwithhim?Imean,hecan’tdoanythingtoyou.Justfixyourmindonthat.”
“Iknow,”saidMissLaFossesadly,“butyoudon’tquiteunderstandyet.”“IalwaysconsideredIhadaveryreceptiveintelligence,”hintedMiss
Pettigrewfalsely.“Iknowyouhave,”agreedMissLaFosse.“Iseeyouwillunderstand.”Sheleanedforward.“Haveyouever,”saidMissLaFosseearnestly,“hadstrangefeelingsinyour
stomachwhenamankissedyou?”“Where,”thoughtMissPettigrewwildly,“haveIreadthatthereissomething
inthestomachthatrespondstoosculation.Orwasitthestomach?Itdoesn’tmatter.Imustreassureher.”
“Don’tbealarmed,”saidMissPettigrewweakly.“Iunderstandthatitisascientificfactthatthestomach…”
“I’mnotalarmed,”saidMissLaFosse.“That’sjustit.Iloveit.It’snouse.Ican’tescapehim.HejustlooksatmeandI’mwaxinhishands.”
“Afirmwill…”beganMissPettigrewhesitatingly.“I’marabbit,”saidMissLaFosse,“andhe’sasnake.Whenasnakefixesa
rabbitwithitseyes,therabbithasnowill.Itstaysthere.Itwantstostaythere,evenifitdoesmeanitsdeath.”
“Oh,notdeath,”saidMissPettigrew,shocked.“Worsethanthat,”saidMissLaFosse.Shegottoherfeetabruptly,wentintothebedroomandreturnedwithasmall
packet,whichsheopenedandplacedonMissPettigrew’sknees.“Doyouknowwhatthatis?”“Itlooks,”saidMissPettigrewcautiously,“verylikeaBeecham’sPowder.
“Itlooks,”saidMissPettigrewcautiously,“verylikeaBeecham’sPowder.Verygood,Iunderstand,fornerves,stomachandrheumatism.”
“That’scocaine,”saidMissLaFosse.“Ohno!No!”Terrified,aghast,thrilled,MissPettigrewstaredattheinnocent-looking
powder.Drugs,theWhiteSlaveTraffic,wickeddivesofiniquity,typifiedinMissPettigrew’smindbyredplushandgiltandmenwithsinisterblackmoustaches,roamedinwildarraythroughhermind.Whatdangerousdenofvicehadshediscovered?Shemustflybeforeshelosthervirtue.Thenhercommonsenseunhappilyremindedherthatnoone,now,wouldcaretodepriveherofthatpossession.ItwasMissLaFossewhowasindanger.Shemustsaveher.Shejumpedtoherfeet,toreintothekitchen,scatteredthepowderdownthesinkandreturnedtriumphant.
“There!”shesaidbreathlessly.“Thatbitoftemptationisbeyondyourreachnow.”
Shesatdownweakly.“Tellme,”shesaidinimploringaccents.“YouhavenotContractedThe
Habit?”“No,”saidMissLaFosse.“Ihaven’ttakenanyyet.IfIdid,Michaelmight
see.There’snofliesonMichael.Ifhegottoknowhe’dwanttobeatthedaylightoutofme.He’sliabletobeatthedaylightoutofme.Thenhe’dbeofftomurderthemanthatgaveitme.”
“Michael!”saidMissPettigrewfaintly.“Notanotheryoungman?”“Oh,no!”deniedMissLaFossehastily.“Notabitlikethat.”Shestaredatthefire.“Michael,”explainedMissLaFossegloomily,“wantstomarryme.”“Oh!”saidMissPettigrewweakly.“Awoman’sgottolookoutforthesemen,”saidMissLaFossedarkly.“If
youdon’tyou’llfindyourselfbeforethealtarbeforeyouknowwhereyouare,andthenwhereareyou?”
BangwentallMissPettigrew’scherishedbeliefs:scatteredhernaiveimaginingsthatonlythemendreadedthealtar:goneforeverherformerunsophisticatedoutlook.“I’velivedtoosecludedalife,”thoughtMissPettigrew.“I’venotappreciatedhowmyownsexhasadvanced.It’stimeIrealizedit.”
Sheoughttohavesaid,“Mydear,agoodman’sloveisnottobescorned.”Butshedidn’t.Sheshuthermouthwithasnap.Noneofthatweakwomanstuffhere.ShesawhowridiculoushadbeenherwildthoughtsofprotectingMissLaFosse.MissPettigrewsatup.
“You’vesaidit,baby,”saidMissPettigrewcalmly,happily,blissfully.
“You’vesaidit,baby,”saidMissPettigrewcalmly,happily,blissfully.“Eh!”saidMissLaFosse.“Americanslang,”explainedMissPettigrew.“Ihearditatthepictures.”“Oh!”saidMissLaFosse.“Ihavealwayslonged,”explainedMissPettigrew,“sometimestouseslang.
Toletmyselfgo,youunderstand.ButIcouldneverpermitmyself.Becauseofthechildren,youknow.Theymighthaveheard.”
“Oh,quite,”saidMissLaFossebewildered.“I’mgladyouunderstand,”saidMissPettigrewsimply.“I’mgladyouunderstandaboutNick.”“Ofcourse,”saidMissPettigrew.Sheraisedherhead.“He’swickedandhandsomeandfascinating,”saidMissPettigrewinaclear
voice,“buthe’slifeandexcitementandthrills.”“Yes,”saidMissLaFosse.“Andthisgoodyoungman,thisMichael,whowantstomarryyou,hasallthe
virtues,buthe’sdull.Hehasnofire…noimagination.Hewouldstifleyourspirit.Youwantcolour,life,music.Hewouldofferyoua…ahouseinsurburbia,”endedMissPettigrewbrilliantly.
MissLaFossegaveheraquicklookunderherlashes.“Well…”beganMissLaFosseguiltily,“Idon’tknowthat…”“NeitherdoI,”saidMissPettigrewsimply.“Icannotadviseyou.Itwouldbe
impertinent.Myownlifehasbeenafailure.HowcouldIadviseothers?”“Oh,”saidMissLaFosse.Shesaidnothingmore.“Youlook,”saidMissPettigrewshyly,“solovelyinthat…thatarticleof
clothing.Icanquiteunderstandalltheyoungmenfallinginlovewithyou.Idon’tthink,mydear,youneeddecideaboutyourfutureyet.”
MissLaFosseleanedforward,asmilepartingherdelightfulmouth.“Doyouthinkso?”sheaskedeagerly.“Ikeptitondeliberately.Youknow,I
thinkthere’ssomethingsortof,well,especiallyfetchingaboutanégligé,don’tyouthink?Andmenaresodifficultinthemorning.”
Fromheronetremendousexperienceoflivinginahousewheretheeldestdaughterwasabouttobemarried,MissPettigrewagreedsagely.
“A…asortofwantonattraction.”MissPettigrewblushedforheradjective.“Veryhardforthementoresist.”
“Youunderstandperfectly,”saidMissLaFosse.MissPettigrewsuddenlyremembered.Shegaspedindistress.“But,MissLaFosse,”saidMissPettigrewinagitation,“you’reslipping
“But,MissLaFosse,”saidMissPettigrewinagitation,“you’reslippingalready.Youmustn’tdoit.Youshouldn’twanttobeattractive.Youshoulddressyourplainest.Youshouldtryandrepelhim.”
“Iknow,”confessedMissLaFosseguiltily,“butIjustcan’thelp…”Theyheardthefaintsoundofakeybeinggentlyinsertedinthelock.They
eachgaveawildglanceattheother.ThenMissPettigrewwastreatedtoabrilliantpieceofacting.MissLaFosselaybackquickly.
“Ialwaysconsider,”saidMissLaFosseinalazy,languidvoice,“thatbluesuitsmebest.Itbringsoutthecolourofmyeyes.”
Thedooropenedandshut.MissPettigrewsatindumbadmirationwhilesurprise,unbelief,joyinturnstookdeceitfulpossessionofMissLaFosse’sface.Shejumpedtoherfeet.Therewasaflutterofdraperies,arushacrosstheroomwithoutstretchedarms.
“Nick,”criedMissLaFosse.MissPettigrewavertedhereyeshastily.“Ohdear!”thoughtMissPettigrew.“Not…notagain…sopublicly.AndI
alwaysthoughttheyexaggeratedkissesonthefilms.”
M
CHAPTERTHREE
11.35AM—12.52PM
issLafossedisengagedherselffromthenewcomer’sarmsandMissPettigrewsawhimclearlyforthefirsttime.Graceful,lithe,beautifullypoisedbody.Dark,vividlooks:aperfectionoffeatureandcolouring
rareinaman.Brilliant,piercingeyesofadarkbluish-purplecolour:abeautiful,cruelmouth,abovewhichasmallblackmoustachegavehimalookofsophisticationandasubtleairofdegeneracythathaditsownappeal.Somethingpredatoryinhisexpression:somethingfascinatingandinescapableinhispersonality.
MissPettigrewroseslowlyfromherchairwithaqueerfeelingofhelplessness.SheunderstoodimmediatelyMissLaFosse’ssubjection.Itonlyneededonelook.Shehadseenhiscounterpartadozentimesonthefilms,young,fascinating,irresistibletowomen,supremelyassuredofhispower,utterlycallouswhenthemoment’sfancypassed.Shehadseentheheroineadozentimesnearlylosehappinessbecauseofhisattentions.ButtherewasnoherotosaveMissLaFosse.
“Queer,”thoughtMissPettigrewhelplessly,“onereadsaboutthesemen.Oneseesthemonthefilms.Oneneverthinkstomeetthemindailylife,buttheydoexistafterall.”
MissLaFossestoodawayfromhervisitor.Hercat’slookofcontentmentaftercreambecametingedwithanervoustension.NicknownoticedMissPettigrew.Hisfaceimmediatelydarkened.HeflungMissLaFosseanangry,questioningglance.
“Oh!”saidMissLaFosse.“Thisismyfriend…myfriend…Alice.”Shegatheredherselftogetherandmadeamorepoliteintroduction.“Alice,meetNick.Nick,thisismyfriendAlice.”“How-do-you-do?”askedMissPettigrewpolitely.“Howdo?”saidNickcurtly.HisglanceflickedoverherandMissPettigrewbecameawareatonceofher
age,herdowdyclothes,herclumsyfigure,herwispyhair,hersallowcomplexion.Sheflushedapainfulred.Herminddislikedhimatonce:her
complexion.Sheflushedapainfulred.Herminddislikedhimatonce:heremotionswereenslaved.
Itwasn’tonlygoodlooks.Hislooksweremerelyanextra,naturallyhelpfulbutnotnecessary.Itwassomethinginthemanhimself.Theroomwasinaninstantfilledwithhispresence.Allthewomenofanycompanywouldatonceberivalsforhisnotice.Perhapsitwasanaurathatsentoutwavesofchallengetothefemaleineverywoman.MissPettigrewfeltit.MissPettigrewrespondedtoit.Shecouldn’thelpit.HerfemininesusceptibilitiessimplyturnedtraitoronherandshewouldhavegiventenyearsofherlifeforhimtokissherashehadkissedMissLaFosse.ShealmostdidhateMissLaFosseforheryouth,herbeauty,hercharm.Notforlong,though.Shewasnotasstupidasallthat.
Hewasnotgood.MissPettigrewknewthat:fromwhatMissLaFossehadtoldherandfromsomethingaboutthemanhimself.Thatwaswhyhewassofascinating.MissPettigrew’sintelligencewasquiteuptothesubtleattractionofaspiceofwickednessagainstthedullnessoftoomuchvirtue.
“Ohdear!”shethought.“Thesemen.They’rewicked,butitdoesn’tmatter.Theysimplyleavethegoodmenstandingstill.IfonlyMichaelhadbeenalittlelessgoodandproperhemighthavehadachance,butasitis,againstamanlikethis,whatordinarymanhasalookin?It’snouse,wewomenjustcan’thelpourselves.Whenitcomestolovewe’rebornadventurers.”
Shesighed.Theproblemwasgoingtobeadifficultone.Shequiteforgotinherexcitementthatanyminuteshemightbeejectedsummarily.ShehadnowcompletelyidentifiedherselfwithMissLaFosseandfeltshehadknownherallherlife.
MissLaFossewasstandingeyeingthembothalittlenervously.Hersmilehadlostitslovelyassuranceandhadthatfaintlyplacatingnervousnessaboutitofawomanwholongsfor,yetdoubts,hercompletepoweroveraman.
“Comeandsitdown,”saidMissLaFossetoNickpropitiatingly.“Oh,mydear,”thoughtMissPettigrew,“thatothermannerismuchthebest.
A…asortofregalindifference.Thiskindofcreaturerespectsthat.Theminutehethinksyou’reallhis,you’lllosehim.”
Herworldlywisdomalmostdumbfoundedher.Shehadtocallhiminhermindcreature,upstart,mountebank,tosaveherselffallinginlovewithhim.Ifhehadonlyoncelookedather,kissedher,thewayhehadMissLaFosse,sheknewshewouldhavebeenhisslave.
“Whowouldeverhavethoughtit,”worriedMissPettigrew,“atmyage?Iamaverystupidwoman.AsifIdidn’tknowhethinksI’manoldbacknumberandwantsmeaway.”
IntruththeveryairroundNickwasthickwithangeratherpresence.Hehad
IntruththeveryairroundNickwasthickwithangeratherpresence.HehadcomejealouslypreparedtofindMissLaFossenotalone,buthehadnotexpectedaMissPettigrew.Thisoldfoolseemedsetfortheday.MissPettigrewfeltthesewavesofthought.Suddenlyallherolddeprecatingnervousnesscrowdedbackonher.
“ShouldIgo?”shethoughtinterror.“Afterall,Iamanintruder.IexpectevenMissLaFosseisthinkingI’maninterferingbusybodyandwishesIwouldhavethesensetogoanddidn’treallymeanshewantedmetostay.”
Hotwithdiscomfortshebegantotremblealittle.Allherlovely,newsenseofassurancevanished.ShewasMissPettigrew,theinefficientnurserygovernessagain,nervous,futile,helpless.Shefumbledatthebackofachair.ThenshelookedatMissLaFosse.
MissLaFossegaveherabrilliant,friendly,reassuringsmile.AndquitesuddenlyMissPettigrewwasimmune:safefromhisdislike:safe
fromhischarm.Hecouldturnonhisfascinationactasmuchasheliked.Shewouldn’tfallforit.Hecouldbeasrudeasheliked,andshethought,ifgoaded,hecouldbeveryrude;shewasimpervioustoinsult.Hereshewasandhereshewouldstay.OnlyMissLaFossecouldturnherout.
MissPettigrewsatdownonherchairagain,serene,composed,setfortheday.
Nickglaredather,metthesolidwallofherindifference,andturnedslowlytoMissLaFosse.
“Ithoughtyouwouldbealone.”MissLaFossejumpedathisdeadlytone.“Butyousaidtomorrow,”shepleadednervously.“Youdistinctlysaid
tomorrow.”“Iknow,butIpushedthebusinessthroughadayearlierandcamestraight
back.Ithoughtyouwouldbegladtohavemebacksooner.”“Oh,darling,Iamglad.”MissLaFossecametohimwithoutstretchedarms.
“I’vemissedyoulikehell.Ithoughtyou’dnevercomeback.”“Verybadbeginning,”worriedMissPettigrew.“Notatallthekindof
greetingtoleaduptoaparting.”Nicklookedplacated.Hegaveheraquickkiss,merelyasatasteofwhatwas
tocome,finishingwithanunderstandingglance.Obviouslyshedidn’tliketoberudetotheoldfool,buthedidn’tmindintheslightest.HeputhertoonesideandcametorestinfrontofMissPettigrew.
“Ididn’tcatchthename,”saidNickinhismostinsultingvoice.MissPettigrewsatsecurebeneaththemantleofMrs.Jackaman,four
MissPettigrewsatsecurebeneaththemantleofMrs.Jackaman,foursituationsprevious.Howsuperblyshehadcounteredtheinsultsofanabominablehusbandbyablandunawareness,untilblaspheminghehadtornfromthehouseandlefthertoalittlepeace.
“Pettigrew,”saidMissPettigrewhelpfully;“souncommon,isn’tit?Mydearfatherusedtosay…”
“Toouncommonnottoletittravelaround,”saidNickominously.“Ah!”saidMissPettigrewsadly.“I’veneverbeenagoodtraveller.I
rememberonce…”“I’vebeenawaythreeweeks,”saidNick,beginningtogetwarm.“Wellnow,Idohopeyouhadaniceholiday,”saidMissPettigrewkindly.
“Doyouintendtotravelmuchfurther?Theweatherhasbeensounsettled.”“IhavesomethingtosaytoMissLaFosse,”saidNick,gettingstillmore
furious.“Somethingyouforgottowrite?Butthere,thepostthesedaysisdisgraceful.
ButthetelephoneissuchaconvenienceIsimplycannotthinkwhatwewoulddo…”
“Ithoughtshewouldbealone,”saidNick,holdingbackanexplosionwithdifficulty.
“Greatminds…”saidMissPettigrewbrightly.“JustwhatIhopedmyself.IwassogladtofindMissLaFossealonetoday.I’vebeenlookingforwardtosuchalongchat,butitwasniceofyoutopopinasyoupassed.”
Nickwasredintheface.MissLaFossepainfullyawaitedtheexplosion.“Mostofherfriendshavetact,”saidNickpointedly,inalastragingeffort
towardspeaceableejection.“Therenow,”saidMissPettigrewcheerfully.“Iknewyouhad.Itmakesitso
mucheasier.Soniceofyoutounderstand.AssoonasIsawyouIthought…”“Tohellwithwhatyouthought.WillYouGo?”explodedNick.“No,”saidMissPettigrew.“!!!…???…!!!…???…!!!”“Oh!”gaspedMissPettigrew.MissLaFossestartedforward.ShethrewawildlookatMissPettigrew’s
shockedcountenance,andadistractedlookatNick’sragingone.“Nick,darling,dositdownandletmehavealookatyou.”Nickwastoodumbfoundedtoresist.Shehelpedhimoffwithhiscoat.She
pulledhimontothechesterfieldandsatdownbesidehim.NickgaveMissPettigrewonemoreglare,shruggedhisshouldersandproceededtoforgether.AsMissLaFossehadthought,thenégligéwasveryseductive.
BythistimeMissPettigrewwasgettingalmosthardened.
BythistimeMissPettigrewwasgettingalmosthardened.“Well,”shethoughtweakly,“theydon’tseemtomind.WhyshouldI?Ithink
before,perhaps,I’veheldtoonarrowviews.This…thislovemakingseemsaverypleasantbusiness.”
Shesatupandbegantotakequiteaninterestinthetechnique.“Ah!”thoughtMissPettigrewsagely,“withPhilitwasonlyabusiness,a
pleasantbusiness,butonlypartoftheday’sroutine.ButwithNick,everygesture,everycaressconveystheimpressionyouaretheonewomanintheworld.Whocouldresisthim?”
AfterawhileMissLaFosseandNickrelaxedforair.HenowtookMissPettigrewquitephilosophically.Iftheoldlady—everyonetoNickwasoldoverthirty-three—didn’tmindabitofpetting,hewasn’ttheonetodepriveherofherenjoyment.Sherathercrampedhisstyle,butitwasstillearly.Nightwas,afterall,thebesttime.Worth-whilepleasuresneverlosttheirflavourforalittlepostponement.
Hesatup.“Icoulddowithadrink.”“SocouldI,”agreedMissLaFosse.“Youknowwherethestuffis.”“O.K.What’llitbe?”“Well,”ponderedMissLaFosse,“mixmeoneofyourSpecials,Nick.There’s
awallopinthemthatsetsyouupfortheday.”“Anythingyousay.What’syours?”“Me?”saidMissPettigrew.“You.”“Adrink?”“It’sbeenmentioned.”MissPettigrewnearlysaid,“Oh,nothankyou,”inaflutterofgenteeldenial.
Butshedidn’t.Nother.Notnow.Shestoppedherselfintime:justintime.Shewasgoingtoacceptnoweverythingthatcamealong.
Fromthisoneday,droppedoutoftheblueintoherlap,shewasgoingtosavoureverythingitofferedher.
“Iwilltake,”saidMissPettigrew,withcalmness,withease,withassurance,“alittledrysherry,ifyouplease.”
Sheconsideredthe‘dry’theperfecttouch.NotSherry.Anyonecouldsaythat.“Drysherry.”Thatshowedpoise,sophistication,theexperiencedpalate.Itraisedherprestige.Shehadnoideawhatthedrymeant,butsheremembereddistinctlythehusbandofherlastsituationbutone,whohadalwaysterrifiedherbyhisboomingirritation,cursingthis‘damneddrysherry’andshewasquite
byhisboomingirritation,cursingthis‘damneddrysherry’andshewasquitesurewhathedidn’tlike,shewould.
Nicklookedunimpressed.“Sureyouwon’thaveaHorse’sFillip,too?”MissPettigrew’sresolutiontoexperienceeverythingwaveredalittle.“Oh,Ithinknot,”shesaidhurriedly,“notinamorning.Justalittledry
sherry,please.”Nickwentintothekitchen.MissLaFosseleanedforward.Shefeltresponsible
forNick’sbehaviourandhislanguagewasnotsuitableforladieslikehernewfriend.
“Youmustn’tmindNick’slanguage,”shewhispered.“Imean,hedoesn’tmeananything.It’sjustlikeyouormesaying‘Ohbother’or‘dratit’.”
MissPettigrewraisedherhead.Herexpressionbecameveryfirm.“Mydear,Idon’tliketobeunpleasant,butI’mafraidIdon’tbelievethat
excuse.IamalotolderthanyouandduringmylifetimeIhaveheardagreatmanypeoplesaytheydon’tmeanathing,whentheyknowperfectlywelltheydo.It’sjustaweakexcuseforabadhabit.IfIwereyouIwoulduseyourinfluenceonthatyoungmanto,well,moderatehislanguage.Youknow,mydear,intheendayoungmanthinksalotmoreofayoungladywhoinsistsondecoruminherpresence.I…Ihopeyoudon’tmindmytellingyouthis,butIam,asIsay,almostoldenoughtobeyourmother.”
TherewastheloveliesttwinkleinMissLaFosse’seyes,kindly,affectionate,butsheveileditdiscreetly.Shewouldn’thavehurtMissPettigrewforworlds.
“I’lltry,”saidMissLaFossemeekly.“I’lldomybest.I’mquitesureyou’requiterightaboutit.”
TheycouldheartheclinkofglassesinthekitchenandNickmovingabout.Hewashummingwithalow,cheerfulsoundapopulartune.Suddenlythehummingstopped,tobesucceededbyaterrifyingsilence.MissPettigrewlookedatMissLaFosse.MissLaFosselookedatMissPettigrew.HerfacewassuddenlystrainedwiththeexpressionofrigidapprehensionwornonMissPettigrew’sfirstviewofher.
ThekitchendooropenedandNickstoodonthethreshold.MissPettigrewfeltasuddenshiverrundownherspine.Allhispleasantamiabilitywasgone.Hisfacewasmenacing,frightening.MissPettigrewunderstoodatoncethatitwasnomerejokethatsomemenweretobefeared.Hervague,developingbeliefthatalltheseamazinginterludesweresomekindofcharmingjokeshehadbeenprivilegedtosharevanishedabruptlyandsherealizedshewasnowinthemiddleofanewsituationthatnolongerheldhumour.
ShesawMissLaFosse’slovelyfacegoalmostgreenwithfrightunderNick’s
ShesawMissLaFosse’slovelyfacegoalmostgreenwithfrightunderNick’sterriblestare.
“Sincewhen,”askedNickinalow,deadlyvoice,“haveyoustartedsmokingcheroots?”
MissPettigrew’sfirstimpulsewastoexplodeintogigglesandshesawthatthesameunbalancedmirththreatenedMissLaFossebehindherterror.Shecouldhear,quiteplainly,MissLaFossesaying,“Thenthedetectivesnoopsaroundandsays,‘Ha!Soyousmokeacigarnow,doyou,miss?’”
MissLaFossewasquiteincapableofspeaking.MissPettigrewsawthateverythingnowdependedonher.
Hermindwhirleddizzily,thenburstlikearocketintodazzlinglight.SherememberedMrs.Brummegan,herlastemployer:chestlikeahill,noselikeahorse,mouthlikeaclamp,chinlikeahatchet,voicelikearasp,mannercalculatedtoaweabrigadier.HerlifewithMrs.Brummeganhadbeentwoyearsofsheer,undilutedhell.Butshewasthankfulforitnow.Italllayinthemanner.Mannercanputoveranything,andwho,betterthanshe,knewjusthowMrs.Brummegandidit?NooneeverdareddoubtMrs.Brummegan.Thiswashermoment.
MissPettigrewstoodup.Shestalkedacrosstheroom,arroganceandcontemptinherstride.Shepickedupherhandbaglyingonachair.Sheturned:sheglancedatNick,chinup,eyesblazing,voicerasping.
“Youngman,”saidMissPettigrew,“ifthere’sonethingIcompletelyabominateit’stheeffeminatetypeofmanthatsnoopsroundahouselikeanold,peekingbusybody.IamMissLaFosse’sguest.Ifshedoesn’tmind,it’snobusinessofyours.IfIwanttosmokecheroots,I’llsmokecheroots,insteadofthosedamned,sillycigarettes.I’vereachedtheagewhenIcanpleasemyselfandImeantopleasemyselfandtohellwithyouropinion.Haveone.Icanrecommendthem.”
MissPettigrewopenedherbag.Shetookoutawornpacketofcheroots.Shehelditout.Itwasacrisis.Shesnorted,sheglared.
Nickwasvanquished.Hereachedout,tookthepacket,comparedthecheroots.Hedroppedthehalf-burnedendontherugandgrounditwithhisheel.HewalkedovertoMissLaFosseandstoodoverher.HesaidinasoftvoicethatmadeMissPettigrewshiver,“Youwouldn’tfoolme,wouldyou?”
MissLaFossemadealightningrecovery.Shewasnotanactressfornothing.Shejumpedtoherfeetwithapetulantgesture.
“Oh,forGod’ssake,Nick!Whenwillyoustophavingheroics?IsaidIwouldn’thaveanymenintheplace.Nowareyousatisfied?Where’sthatdrink,
wouldn’thaveanymenintheplace.Nowareyousatisfied?Where’sthatdrink,orhaveIgottogetitmyself?”
“Sorry.”HeflunganabruptarmroundMissLaFosseandkissedher.MissPettigrew
didahastydisappearingactintothebedroom.“Ohdear!”shegaspedtoherself.“There’stimeswhentwoarecompany.I
didn’tknowtherewerekisseslikethat.”ShewasinsuchatremblingstateofreactionafterMrs.Brummeganthatshe
feltlikecollapsing,butshedidn’tdare.ShehadtosustainMrs.Brummegantotheend.ShequiteforgotintheheatofthemomentthatitwouldbethebestthingpossibleifNickdidflyoffthehandleanddepartinarage.Nickhadfrightenedher.HehadfrightenedMissLaFosse.Hemustnotbeallowedtodoitagain.Afterahastyterrifiedglanceatherselfintheglass,shereturnedtothesitting-room.
Nickwasbringinginthedrinksonatray.MissLaFossewassittingquietlywiththeradiant,shininglookonherfaceofthewomanwhohasjustbeenthoroughlyandsatisfactorilykissed.ItcaughtatMissPettigrew’sheart.Itmadeherlooksodefenceless.ThenMissPettigrewrememberedagain.
“He’sgotheragain,”thoughtMissPettigrew,“butIwon’tlethim.I’llsaveheryet.”
Nickbroughtupherdrink.MissPettigrewtookherglasswithoutawordanddowneditlikeatoper,withoutasinglethoughtofitspossibleeffectonherwits.
“That,”remarkedMissPettigrew,“wasverygood.I’llhaveanother.”MissLaFosseandNickwerestillsippingtheirfirst.Nickgaveheran
admiringglance.Shehadgoneupinhisestimation.Theolddamehadguts:smokingcherootsandbendingherelbowwiththebest.
“Sureyouwon’thaveawhisky?”heofferedsolicitously.“There’ssuretobesomeinthecupboard.”
“No,thankyou,”saidMissPettigrewblandly.“Ipreferthemlightinthemorning.”
Hervoicehintedatdarkhoursofintemperanceintheevening.“Ohdear!”shethoughtwildly,“itcan’tpossiblybemespeakinglikethat.
What’scometome?What’shappeningtome?”Butshedidn’tcare.Notreally.Thethoughtwasonlyaguilty,placating
concessiontowardsherformervalues.Theexcitementofadventurehadenteredfullyintoher,andalso,perhaps,alittleofthewinetoherhead.Shewasreadyforanything.
Nickbroughtherdrink.“Youngman,”saidMissPettigrew,“whenyouarenotbeingafussyold
“Youngman,”saidMissPettigrew,“whenyouarenotbeingafussyoldwoman,Iquitelikeyou.”
“Thanks,”saidNickwithagrin.“You’realady.”Theydranktoeachother.ThisfriendlylittleinterludehadnotatalllessenedMissPettigrew’s
determinationtotearMissLaFossefromhisgrasp.Itwasmerelythepoliteexchangeofamenitiesduringanarmistice.
Theyfinishedtheirdrinks.Nickstoodup.“I’vegottoseeDalton.Business.OrI’dtakeyoutolunch.He’sputtingup
halfthemoneyandwe’reopeninganewplace.Can’taffordtooffendhim.Seeyoutonight.”
“Oh!”exclaimedMissLaFosse.Sheweakened.“When?”“I’llcollectyouwhenyourturnsareoverandwe’llcomestraightback.”MissLaFosse’shandwaslyingalongthearmofherchair.Heleaned
forward,closedhishandonherwristandstoodlookingather.MissLaFosseraisedhereyestohisandtheyremainedsilent.
MissPettigrewfeltafaintingsensationinsideandaqueerfeeling,thatwasalmostpain,rightinthepitofherstomach,preciselyasMissLaFossehadoncesaid.Thelookwasnotforher.Noonehadeverlookedatherlikethat,butsheknewexactlywhatMissLaFossewasfeeling:breathlessness,terror,ecstasy;aslowmeltingofallhersensestowardstremblingsurrender.AndthelookonNick’sfacemadeonewanttogivehimanythingheasked.EvenMissPettigrewfelttheeffect,knowingwhatsheknew.Toanoutsideritwastwoloversforthefirsttimecatchingaglimpseofinnocent,earthlyparadise:toaninsider,likeMissPettigrew,itwasaverywickedmanseducingadarlingladytoherdamnation.
YetonlybyaneffortofcommonsensecouldMissPettigrewkeepinmindthatNickwasreallyanevil,selfishman,whoayeartodaymightbelookingatanotherwomanwiththesamecompellingurge,whilepoorMissLaFossemightberuinedandbroken-hearted.MissPettigrewcouldneverforgetthecocaineandshewasnotanignorantfool.
BytheraptlookonMissLaFosse’sfaceandairofdefencelesssubmission,MissPettigrewknewshewaswavering:knewshehadwavered,butbeforeshecouldspeakthefatalwordsofsurrender,MissPettigrewcameintoactionlikeahowitzer.
ShethuddedacrosstheroomwiththeBrummeganstalk.Thesherrybottleandglasseswerestandingonthetray.Shesplashedoutanotherdrinkandliftedtheglassnegligentlyinherhand.Throughyearsofendurancesheknewtoa
theglassnegligentlyinherhand.Throughyearsofendurancesheknewtoacalculatednicetythedemolishingeffectofanegligentgesture.
“Youngman,”saidMissPettigrewinthemoststridentvoiceherthroatcouldcompass,“youcancomebackforadrinkifyoulike,butnolatehours,Iwarnyou.I’mnotasyoungasIwasandIwillnothavemyshortstayhereruinedbydisturbednightsleavingmehalf-deadnextday.IsleepwithMissLaFosseandwhileI’mhereshecomestobedearly,andI’mnothavingyouhangingaroundtoallhours.I’mtoooldafriendofMissLaFosseandtoooldmyselftopretendtobepolite,andthat’sthat.”
Nick’shandsprangfromMissLaFosse’sasfromahotpokerandhespunround.
“What?”“Whatwhat?”“Areyoustayinghere?”“YouknowI’mstayinghere.Isaidso.Untiltomorrowtheinvitationwasand
untiltomorrowIstay,andwhat’sitgottodowithyou,pray?”“???…!!!…???…!!!”explodedNickagain.MissLaFosseturnedastardedgazeonMissPettigrew,denial,indignation,
resentment,eloquentinherglance.MissPettigrewreturnedthelook,steadily,sternly,remorselessly.MissLaFosseremembered.Sheblushed.Sheralliedherdroopingforcesabouther.
“Yousaidtomorrow,Nickdarling,”quaveredMissLaFosse.“Telegramsarecheap,”statedMissPettigrew.“HowthehellshouldIknowmy…”“Iwaslonely,”falteredMissLaFosse,“withyouaway.”“I’mcomingroundtonight.”“There’sonlyonebed.”“Whatthe…”“Comeifyoulike,”brokeinMissPettigrewamiably.“Youcansleeponthe
chesterfield.Theysayit’shealthytosleepwithyourkneesbent.Butnothing,”sheeyedthecouch,“willmakemesleeponit.AtmyageIinsistonmyproperbed.”
Nickwasbeaten.Theolddamewashismatchandseemedtohaveaclaimonhospitality.Hemustcurbhistemperandmindhisstep.Thegirlfriendhadatemperofherownwhichcouldcropupatthemostinconvenientofoccasions.
Norhadheanyintentionofsleepingonalonelysofa.Hepreferredacomfortablebedforhisnightlyrest.Thecouch,plusMiss
LaFosse,mighthaveheldsomeinducement,butthecouchasaplaceofrest,withMissLaFossesleepingintantalizinginnocenceinthenextroom,heldnone.
withMissLaFossesleepingintantalizinginnocenceinthenextroom,heldnone.Hewenttohishatandcoatandpickedthemup.MissLaFossehoveredabout
himnervously.Heputonhishatandcoatinsilenceandmovedtothedoor.MissPettigrewsawfirmness,indecision,surrender,battleonMissLaFosse’sface.
“Ifshesuccumbsnow,”thoughtMissPettigrew,“sheislost.Icandonomore.Ifhegoesawaywithoutspeakingshewillprobablyrunafterhim.”
ThenNickspoke.“MaybeIshouldhavewired.”MissPettigrewdrewadeepbreath.MissLaFossetwinedherhands
nervously.Shegaveatimid,pleadingsmile.“I’m…I’mterriblysorry.”“Seeyoutomorrowthen.”“Tomorrow,”promisedMissLaFossehastily.“Maybe,”thoughtMissPettigrewgrimly.“Takeyoutolunch.”“Lunch,”agreedMissLaFosse.Hemovedandtookholdofherarmsabovetheelbowsandpulledhertohim.“Afterall,you’llkeep.”MissPettigrewthoughthisyoungfacewithitsoldlookofexperiencealittle
frightening.HetookholdofMissLaFosse’schinandtippedupherface.“Nogoodthingwasspoiledbyalittlewaiting.”Hekissedher.Thedoorclosedbehindhim.
I
CHAPTERFOUR
12.52PM—1.17PM
mmediatelythedoorclosedbehindNicktensionrelaxed.Itwaslikecomingoutofafogintoclear,brightair.MissPettigrewdrewalongbreath.Herlegsfeltwobbly.Reactionhadsetin.Shefeltweak,unstrung,thoroughlyupset.
Shefoundachairandsatdown.Suddenlysheburstoutcrying.MissLaFossewasstandingstaringatthecloseddoor.Nickhadgone.Shehad
lethimgo.Shedidn’tknowwhy.Shewasafool.Shehadneversomuchwantedhimasnow,whenhewasgone.Shewasonthevergeofrunningafterhim.MissPettigrew’stearsmadeherswinground.Sheforgoteverythinginconcern.
“Don’tdothat.Pleasedon’tdothat.”AlltheterriblethingsshehaddonecrowdedintoMissPettigrew’smind:the
liesshehadtold,thedrinkshehadtaken,theswearwordsshehadused.“I’veneversworninmylifebefore,”wailedMissPettigrew.“No?”marvelledMissLaFosse.“Never.Noteveninmymind.OurVicaroncesaidthattoswearinyourmind
wasjustasbadandevenmorecowardlythantoswearoutloud.Hedidneither.”“Whataman!”saidMissLaFosseinawe.“Hewas,”agreedMissPettigrew.“ButIdidn’thearyouswear,”consoledMissLaFosse.“Youmusthavebeentooupset.Isaid‘damned‘and‘hell’andmeantthem…
thatway.”“Oh!”saidMissLaFossewithareassuringbeam.“They’renotswearwords.
They’reonlyexpressions.Iassureyou,fashionschangeinwords,sameaseverythingelse.Ithinkthey’vequitecomeoutofthesinfulcategorynow.Therenow,whatyouneedisanotherdrink.”
Shewentovertothetrayandfurtherdepletedthesherrybottle.Shecamebackwithabrimmingglass.
“Comealongnow.It’sonlysherry.Iknowyoulikeyourdrinkslightinamorning.”
MissPettigrewlookedup.Hertearsbegantodry.Herfacetookonalookofdawningwonderandremembrance.
dawningwonderandremembrance.“Oh!”gaspedMissPettigrew.“Oh,Idid.Idealtwithasituation.”“Ohboy!”saidMissLaFossewithreverence.“Yousuredid.”MissPettigrew’seyesbegantoshinethroughhertears.Shewastremulous,
bewildered,unbelieving.“Idid.Isavedit.”“Oh,quick,”hurriedMissLaFosse.“Drinkyoursherry,andtellmehowyou
didit.”MissPettigrewrefusedit.“No,thankyou,mydear.IhavehadtwoalreadyandalittleIpretendedto
drink.It’sawisewomanwhoknowsherlimit.IhaveneverbeenrenderedridiculousbyalcoholyetandIhavenointentionofstartingnow.”
“You’resureyou’reallrightthen?”“Quite.”MissLaFosseswallowedthesherryherselfandsatdown.“Oh,quick,”sheimplored.“Quick.Ican’twaittohearanylonger.How…
Did…You…Do…It?Iforgotthekitchen.Ineverthoughtaboutthekitchen.Ineverlookedforanysignsthere.Rankcarelessness.Iwasborncareless.Youweremarvellous.”
MissPettigrewmadeahastydisclaimerofanybrilliance.“Itwasverysimple,”shesaidearnestly,“verysimpleindeed.Nothingreally
toit.Pleasedon’tthinkI’mcleveroryou’llbedisappointed.WhenIwastidyingthebedroomIdiscoveredthepacketandIthoughtmybagwasthesafestplaceforit.WhenNickcameinsoangryIrememberedandtherestallfollowed.Therewasnothingtoit,really.”
“Nothingtoit!”saidMissLaFosse.“Nothingtoit!Itwasbrilliant,marvellous.ThebestbitofactingI’veseeninyears.”
“Ohno!Itwasn’tacting.Itwascopying.”“Copying?”“ItwasMrs.Brummegan.”“Mrs.Brummegan?”“Mylateemployer.Ifyou’llforgivemespeakingilloftheabsent,adreadful
woman.”“ButIdon’tquitefollow,”saidMissLaFosse,bewildered.“Ienduredhertwoyears,”saidMissPettigrewsimply.“Ihadto.Iwasina
verygoodpositiontoknowtheeffectofherpersonality.Ididmybesttoemulateit.”
TherewasnowoolinMissLaFosse’sbrain.Hereyesshone.“Oh!”shebreathed.“AMimic.Abornmimic.God!Whataperformance!I
“Oh!”shebreathed.“AMimic.Abornmimic.God!Whataperformance!Iwouldn’thavesaidyouhaditinyou.Youwerewonderful.”
“Ohno,”deniedMissPettigrew,deprecating,thrilled,delightedasachild.“You’veneverthoughtaboutenteringtheProfession,haveyou?”“TheProfession?”“Thestage,youknow.”“Thestage!”gaspedMissPettigrew.“Me?”“There’sagreatdearthofreallygoodcharacteractresses,”saidMissLaFosse
earnestly.“Youknowhowitis.Theonesthatstartedyoung,whenthey’regettingonandhavetheexperience,theydon’tliketoberelegatedtominorroles.Theydon’tliketheoldboystosay,“ByJove,Irememberherwhenwewerebothyoung.Youshouldhaveseenherthen,myboy,whensheplayedleadin‘Kissme,Daddy’.”No.Theydon’t.Theyliketostayyoungandplayyoungleads,andwhentheycan’ttheyquit.Idon’tblamethem.I’lldoitmyself.”
“You’reonthestageyourself?”queriedMissPettigrew,tactfullyleadingthesubjectfromherownhistrionicpowers.
“Yes,”agreedMissLaFosse,“butI’mrestingjustnow,onlyI’mworkingwhileI’mresting.Ididn’twanttosignapoorercontractwhilePhilwasgettingreadytobackmein‘PileonthePepper‘,soIrefusedtosignasmallcontractandI’msingingjustnowattheScarletPeacock.”
“Averyoddname,”murmuredMissPettigrew,“ScarletPeacock?”“Very,”agreedMissLaFosse,“butit’sveryfetching,don’tyouthink?Nick
ispartnerinitwithTeddyScholtz.Nick’sabitconventionalandwantedtocallit’TheScarletWoman‘,andTeddy’sabitunimaginativeandwantedtocallit‘TheGreenPeacock.’Sotheycutforit,onlytheydidn’tknowthey’dgotholdofCharlieHardbright’sfakepackandtheybothcuttheAceofSpades.Neitherwouldgiveinandcutagain,sotheysplitthedifferenceandcalledit‘TheScarletPeacock’.”
“Howterriblyinteresting,”breathedMissPettigrew.“Imean,youknow,knowingtheinsidehistoriesofthings.I’vealwaysbeenontheoutsidebefore.”
“Yes,”agreedMissLaFosse.“You’recertainlyontheinsidewhenNick’saround.”
TalkingaboutNickbroughthimcloseagain.Shegotupandbeganfiddlingwithanornamentonthemantelpiecewithherheadhalf-turnedfromMissPettigrew.Hermerry,laughingfacewascloudedandalittleunhappy.
“Youseehowitis,”saidMissLaFosseinamuffledvoice;“hejust…getsyou.”
“Yes,”agreedMissPettigrew.
“Yes,”agreedMissPettigrew.“There’ssomemenlikethat.”“Assuredly.”“Youcan’texplainit.”“Nottoothermen.”“There’snowordsforit.”“Beingawoman,”saidMissPettigrew,“Idon’tneedany.”MissLaFosseleanedherelbowonthemantelpieceandrestedherbrowonthe
palmofherhand.Hervoicesoundedalittlehopeless.“He’sbadandIknowitandIwanttobreakwithhim.Whilehe’sbeenaway
thesethreeweeksIwasdeterminedwhenhecamebackIwouldfinisheverything.Ievenaskedyoutohelpmetobefirm.Butyousawhowitwas.TheminutehereturnedIwassoftagain.Ifyouhadn’tbeenthereI’dhaveagreedabouttonightandeverythingheasked,butyoumayn’tbetherenexttime.”
MissPettigrewsawthingsneededfirmhandling.Shewasgettingtoknowhernewroleandwasbeginningtofindacertainzestinattackingproblemsboldly.
“Sitdown,”saidMissPettigrew.“LookingbackIdon’tknowwhyIactedasIdid.Itwaspurelyautomatic.Ineverthought.Hehasavery…veryintimidatingpersonality.Youwereafraid.Iwasafraid.Butsomethinghadtobedoneaboutit,soIdidsomething.Iwasveryfoolish.IshouldreallyhavelethimdiscoveraboutPhil,evenifitmeantsacrificingPhiltohisanger,thenallwouldhavebeensafelyoverbetweenyou.IcannotthinkwhyIdestroyedtheopportunity.”
“ButI’msogladyoudid,”breathedMissLaFosse.“Sitdown.”MissLaFossesatdown.“Youneedatalking-to,”saidMissPettigrew.“Iwouldn’tbesurprised.”“Ifyoudon’tmind,”saidMissPettigrew,“I’lltalk.”“Notatall,”saidMissLaFosse.“Pleasedo.”“You’repityingyourself,”accusedMissPettigrew.“Youthinkit’sveryhard
youshouldbepickedouttoloveapersonyouthinkyoushouldn’tlove.Youdon’tthinkit’sfairandyou’realittleaggrievedatsomuchworryandsoyou’repityingyourself.”
“IsupposeIam,”agreedMissLaFossehonestly.“Inmylife,”saidMissPettigrew,“agreatmanyunpleasantthingshave
happened.Ihopetheyneverhappentoyou.Idon’tthinktheywillbecauseyou’renotafraidlikeme.Butthere’sonethingIfoundfatal:pityingmyself.Itmadethingsworse.”
“Iexpectyou’reright.”
“Iexpectyou’reright.”“Iamright.You’vegottofaceuptofacts.Idid.Myway,”saidMiss
Pettigrewsimply,“wasdumbendurance.ItwastheonlywayIcould.Ihadn’tthecourageforfighting.I’vealwaysbeenterrifiedofpeople.”
MissLaFosseturnedunbelievingeyesonher.“It’strue,”pursuedMissPettigrew,“youmustnotjudgebytoday’sevents.
I’veneveractedlikethatinmylifebefore.”“Icouldn’tdumblyendure.”“No,”agreedMissPettigrew.“I’mglad.You’dprobablykickbackandend
safelysomewhere.Butyou’vegotcourageandIhaven’t.”“I’mgladyouthinkso.”“Agreedtothecourage,”saidMissPettigrewfirmly.“Nowyou’vegottouse
it.”“Oh.”“He’sgone,”saidMissPettigrew.“Yes.”“Andwhenhewentthroughthedooryouthoughttheworldwentwithhim.”“Youdounderstandthings.”“Doyoufeelexactlythesamenow?”demandedMissPettigrew.“Well.No.Notnow.Notsobadly.Cometothinkofit.No.”“Imeanhe’saway,butyoucanbearhimaway.”“Well.Yes.”“Andtomorrowisn’ttenyearsaway?”“Why,no.Isupposeitisn’t.I’llsurvive.”“Well,youseehowitis,”saidMissPettigrewearnestly.“It’sonlywhenhe’s
there.Whenhe’sgoneyouknowyoucanlivewithouthim.Willyoualwaysrememberthat,sothathoweverharditisatthemoment,willyoupromisemethateverytimeinfutureheasksyoutodoanythingyou’llonlyagreetogivehimananswerlaterandwaituntilhe’sbeengonefifteenminutesbeforedeciding,whentheglamourhasceasedtofunction?”
“It’sadifficultpromise,”saidMissLaFosse,“butIgiveit.Iknowit’sformyowngood.Icanneverthankyouforwhatyou’vedoneformetoday.You’vesavedmetwice.Youknow,I’veneverturnedNickawaybefore.Ididn’tthinkIeverreallycould,howevermuchIhoped.NowI’vedoneit,anddoyouknow?Ifeelquiteallrightnow.Ifeelkindoffine.Ifeel,I’vedoneitonce,whycan’tIdoitagain?Ifeel,why,Icandoitagain…Ifeel,”saidMissLaFosse,warmingup,“justgrand.Free.MaybeIcanresisthim.”
“That,”saidMissPettigrew,“isthespirit.”
“That,”saidMissPettigrew,“isthespirit.”Sheleanedbackinherchair.MissLaFosseleanedbackinhersandsankinto
acontemplativedream.Theclockonthemantelpieceticked.SlowlyitstickingpenetratedMissPettigrew’sbrain.Sheturnedherheadandlookedattheclock.ThepointerswereracingroundandMissPettigrewrememberedwhereshewas.Therewasnothingtokeephertherenow.Goodmannersdemandedherdeparture.Shemuststatehererrandandgo.ShemustgiveupherpositionofequalityasMissLaFosse’sallyandtakehercorrectoneofhumbleapplicantforajob,whichshefeltinherbonesshewouldneverget.
SheknewtoomuchabouttheprivateaffairsofMissLaFosse.MissPettigrewhadenduredmanyhardknocksfromhumannatureandunderstoodhowintolerabletoamistresssuchasituationwouldbe.Shefeltahopeless,bitterunhappinessinvadeher.Buttherewasnothingshecoulddo.Shemustatlastgetherpresenceexplainedandendthiswonderfuladventure.
Shecouldn’tbeartodoit.Shehadneverinherlifebeforewantedmoretostayinanyplace.Shefeltshecouldn’tenduretoleavethishappy,carelessatmosphere,despitemomentaryupheavals,wheresomeonewaskindtoherandthoughtherwonderful.HowcouldshepossiblyliveoutherlifeneverknowingwhathappenedtoPhil,whetherNick’scharmsboredownMissLaFosse’ssusceptibledefences,whoMichaelwasandwhathewaslike?Shefeltthetearsoflonelinessandexclusionstinghereyes.
“I’llwait,”thoughtMissPettigrewdully,“threemoreminutes.I’llwait‘tilthepointersmovethreeminutesbeforespeaking.SurelyIcanhavethreemoreminutesofbeinghappy.”
Sheprayeddesperatelyforaknockonthedoor.AknockonMissLaFosse’sdoorheraldedadventure.Itwasnotlikeanordinaryhouse,whentheknockerwouldbethebutcher,orbakerorcandlestick-maker.AknockonMissLaFosse’sdoorwouldmeanexcitement,drama,anewcrisistobedealtwith.Oh,ifonlyforoncetheLordwouldbegoodandcausesomemiracletohappentokeepherhere,toseeforonedayhowlifecouldbelived,sothatforalltherestofherdull,uneventfuldays,whenthingsgrewbad,shecouldlookbackinhermindanddwellonthetimewhenforoneperfectdayshe,MissPettigrew,lived.
Butmiraclesdon’thappen.Noknockcame.Theclocktickedon.Threeminuteswereover.MissPettigrew,alwayshonest,evenwithherself,satup.Sheclaspedherhandsverytightly.Herfaceshadowedwithadetermined,pathetic,hopelesslook.
“There’salittlematter,”beganMissPettigrewbravely,“Ithinkweoughttogetsettled.Aboutmy…”
MissLaFossecameoutofherdreamwithasighandsmiledatMiss
MissLaFossecameoutofherdreamwithasighandsmiledatMissPettigrew.
“IwasthinkingofMichael,”sheconfessed.“Michael!”exclaimedMissPettigrew.MissLaFossenoddedwithahalf-shamefacedlook.“Idon’tcarewhoitis,”shesaidearnestly,“awomanalwayshasakindof
sentimentalfeelingforthemanwhowantstomarryher,evenifshehasnointentionofmarryinghimandthinkshe’sterrible.Itdoesn’tmatterwhoheisorwhathe’slike,heatoncebecomesamanapart.Isuppose,”MissLaFosselookedprofound,“itisthegreatestcomplimentthereisanditflattersyourvanity.”
MissPettigrewdidn’tlikeMichael.ShewantedMissLaFossetogetmarried.Marriagewasherbestsafeguard.Butsomehoworotherithadn’ttobeanordinarymarriage.Shedidn’twantanordinarymarriageforMissLaFosse.Shewantedsomethinghappyandromanticandbrilliant.ItsomehowhurthertothinkofMissLaFossesettlingintoobscuritywithadull,provincialnonentity,evenifhedidofferhersecurity.AndshehadtheimpressionthatMichaelwasallthesethings.
“Isuppose,”questionedMissPettigrewhopefully,“heisn’tinthelineforabaronetcy,oratitle,oranythinglikethat?”
“Ohno,”saidMissLaFosse;“notMichael.Nothinglikethat.”“Ithoughtnot,”saidMissPettigrewsadly.“HisfatherownedafishshopinBirmingham,”explainedMissLaFosse,“and
hismotherwasadressmaker.Buthecamesouthwhenhewassixteen.He’swhatyoumightcallaselfmademan.”
“Isee,”saidMissPettigrewincompletedisappointment.ShedetestedMichael.Sheknewjusthowconventionalandnarrow-minded
theseselfmademencouldbe.TherewasthatMr.SapfishinherFulburypost.Acontemptibleman.Noancestry.Nobackgroundbehindthem.Clingingtotheirnewstatuswithnervousrespectability.Fearfulofstrayingfromthestraitpathbecauseoftheirinsecurity.Frightenedtoexperiencelifethemselvessofascinatedbeyondcontrolbysomeonewhohad.MissPettigrewhadreadherpsychologyandknewofinhibitions.Theprizeintheirhands,whatthen?Terrorofwhispersandpeopletalking.“Hiswife,youknow…Watchful,nervouseyesforeverfollowingawife’smovements.PoorMrs.Sapfish!ItwouldbreakMissLaFosse’sspirit.Hewouldclipherwings.”
“Oh,notMichael!”prayedMissPettigrew.“Theremustbesomeoneelse.”“Isn’tthereanyoneelsewhowantstomarryyou?”askedMissPettigrew
“Isn’tthereanyoneelsewhowantstomarryyou?”askedMissPettigrewhopefully.
MissLaFossebrightened.Theconversationwasgettinginteresting.“Well,there’sDick,”shesaidhelpfully,“buthe’sgotnomoneyandsquints.
He’sareporter,andreportersneverdohaveanymoney.”“Nouse,”saidMissPettigrewfirmly.“Andthere’sWilfred,buthe’shadtwochildrenalreadybyDaisyLaRue,and
Ithinkheoughttomarryher.”“Undoubtedly,”agreedMissPettigrew,shocked,butwithawickedinterest.“Ithinkhewill,oncehe’sgotoverme.He’sveryfondofJoanandGeorge.”“Thepoordarlings!”saidMissPettigrew,allagog.“Sowe’llwashoutWilfred,”saidMissLaFossewithsuperbmagnanimity.“Andthere’snooneelse?”askedMissPettigrew,disappointed.“Well,no,Idon’tthinkso.Notatthemoment.Imean,well,Ihaven’tbeen
workingonanythingveryseriouslyjustlately.”“Well,”saidMissPettigrewwithgrudgingfairness,“Ihaven’tseenMichael
yet…”TheclockcaughtMissLaFosse’seye.“Goodheavens!”shegasped.“Lookatthetime.Quarter-pastone.Youmust
bestarved.”SheturnedimpetuouslytoMissPettigrew.“Oh,please!Dosayyoucanstay.Youhaven’tgotanotherappointment,have
you?Idon’tfeelabitlikelunchingalone.”MissPettigrewleanedback.Blissmadeherquitedizzy.“Ohno,”saidMissPettigrewinavoicewhich,ifvisible,wouldhaveshone,
“Ihaven’tgotanotherappointment.I’dlovetohavelunchwithyou.I’mfreeallday.”
T
CHAPTERFIVE
1.17PM—3.13PM
heylunchedathome,andMissPettigrewpreparedit.Shediscoveredtheremainsofacoldchickeninthepantry.Coldchicken,toher,wastheheightofluxury.MissLaFosseopenedabottleofLiebfraumilchandmade
herdrinksome.MissPettigrewsippeditslowlywithsterncaution,andbeyondmakingherfeel,ifpossible,alittlemorereckless,ithadnoilleffects.
Theyweresippingtheircoffeeincomfortableintimacywhenthebellrang.MissPettigrewlookedupwithalertexpectancy.Thingswerestartingagain.Herbodyjerkedinresponse,butMissLaFossewasbeforeher.Sheansweredthedoorandbroughtinaboxcontainingahugesheafofscarletroses.
“Oh,howlovely!”gaspedMissPettigrew.MissLaFossehuntedforthecard.“Untiltomorrow,”readMissLaFosse,“Nick.”“Nick!”saidMissPettigrewinaflatvoice.“Nick!”repeatedMissLaFosseinathrilledvoice.“Oh!Thedarling!”Shepickeduptherosesandburiedhernoseintheirfragrance.Overherface,
veryslowly,dawnedalookofsentimentaltenderness.“Oh!”shebreathedagain,“howsweetofhim!”ShelookedapologeticallyatMissPettigrew.“Hedoesn’toftensendthem.Imean,he’snotlikethat.Imean,itmeansmore
fromhimthansomeoneelse.”MissPettigrewsawMissLaFossewasslipping.Shesatupforaction.“Humph!”“What?”“Averynicegesture.”“Whatdoyoumean?”askedMissLaFosseinahurtvoice.MissPettigrewgaveanegligentglanceattheflowers.“Anyonecansendflowers,”saidMissPettigrew.“It’stheeasiestthinginthe
worldforamanwithmoneytowalkintoashopandsaysendabunchofflowerstoMissSo-and-so.Notroubletohim:noworry:nocare,andheknowsthateverysilly,sentimentalwomanistouchedbytheact.Odd!”saidMissPettigrew
everysilly,sentimentalwomanistouchedbytheact.Odd!”saidMissPettigrewconversationally,“theunderminingeffectofflowersonawoman’scommonsense.”
“Well!Itwasveryniceofhim,”saidMissLaFossedefensively.“Oh…very,”saidMissPettigrewsarcastically.“Well.Whatelseshouldhedo?”askedMissLaFosse,gettingalittleheated.“Aretheyyourfavouriteflowers?”demandedMissPettigrew.MissLaFosselookedattheroses.“Well,no,”sheconfessed.“Totellyouthetruth,I’veneverbeentoopartial
toscarletroses.Onegetssuchalot.Likeorchids.Allthemensendyouorchidsbecausethey’reexpensiveandtheyknowthatyouknowtheyare.ButIalwayskindofthinkthey’recheap,don’tyou,justbecausethey’reexpensive.Liketellingsomeonehowmuchyoupaidforsomethingtoshowoff.I’vealwayslovedthosegreatbronzechrysanthemumblooms.”
MissPettigrewmadeacarelessgesturewithherhand.“Thereyouate.He’snevereventakenthetroubletofindoutyourfavourite
flowers.Now,ifhe’ddonethat…!Well!There’ssomethingtoit.Butjusttowalkinashopandordersomeflowerssentroundlikeapoundofbutter…no!”saidMissPettigrew.“I’msorry.ButIcan’tgetexcitedoverthat.”
“You’requiteright,”saidMissLaFosse.“Ineverthoughtofthatbefore.It’sjustasyousay.It’sthelittlethingsthatshowaman’struefeelings.”
Shedroppedtherosesonthecouch.“Oh!”saidMissPettigrewhastily,“Idon’tthinkit’stheflowers’fault.A
littlewater,don’tyouthink…?”“Ofcourse.I’llgetsome.”MissLaFossefoundanemptyvaseandwentintothekitchenforwater.Miss
Pettigrewstoodup.Sheinturnpickeduptherosesandlettheirlovelyfragranceenvelophersenses.
“Oh!”thoughtMissPettigrew.“Ifamanhadeversentmeabunchofscarletroses,I’dhavelainonthegroundandlethimwalkalloverme.”
MissLaFossecamebackandMissPettigrewcarelesslypushedtherosesinthevase.Theirvividhueaddedonemoretouchofbrilliancetotheroom.
“Quarter-tothree,”meditatedMissLaFosse.“It’searly,butwe’redueattheOgilveys’atfiveandit’ssurprisinghowlongittakestochangeandgetyourfacemadeup.We’dbetterstartnow.Youmustcomeanddecidemyfrockforme.”
MissPettigrewfollowedherintothebedroom.That‘we’ranginherhead.Butshecouldn’tbelieveitmeantherself.SomeoneelsemustbecallingforMissLaFosse.Untilhecamethough(itwouldcertainlybea’he”)shewouldsavour
LaFosse.Untilhecamethough(itwouldcertainlybea’he”)shewouldsavoureverypreciousminuteleftwithherhostess.
“Abathfirst,”saidMissLaFosse.“Ihaven’thadoneyet.There’soneblessingaboutthisplace.Thewater’salwayshot.InmylastflatyoucouldneverdependonthehotwaterandIdolikeanicehotbathwheneverIwant.I’llgofirst,thenyoucanhaveoneandwecanchooseafrockforyou.NowwillyouturnonthewaterwhileIfindsomeclothes.”
Dazed,MissPettigrewwentintothebathroom.Dazed,sheturnedonthewater.Dazed,shelaidoutsoapandtowels.Shehadn’theardaright.Herearswereplayinghertricks.Evenifshehadheardarightshewasputtingthewrongconstructiononit.Shestoodgazingatthewaterpouringin.Shewasquitedrunknow.Shewasdrunkwithexcitementandexpectancyandjoy.Shewasdrunkwithanexhilarationshehadneverknowninherlifebefore.MissLaFossewasawickedwoman.Shedidn’tcare.ToherownknowledgeMissLaFossepossessedtwolovers,andwhoknewhowmanymoreshehadhad?Shedidn’tcare.SomewhereMissLaFossehadachildtuckedawayandneededagoverness.Shedidn’tcare.
“Idon’tcare,”thoughtMissPettigrewwildly,“ifit’stwochildren.”Shewentbackintothebedroom.“Yourbath’sready.”MissLaFossedisappearedintothebathroom.MissPettigrewsurveyedthe
room.Itwasingreatdisorder.Cobwebbystockingsofvariousshadesstrewedthefloor.Underwear,massesofsilkandlace,hungoutofdrawersanddrapedchair-backs.Frocksweretossedonthebed.
MissPettigrewshookherhead.“Tut…tut,”thoughtyesterday’sMissPettigrew.“Averyuntidychild.Very
slovenly.Noorder.Nocare.Badupbringing.Alady’sbedroomshouldneverbeinthisstate.”
Yesterday’sMissPettigrewsubsided.“Ohcharmingdisorder!”thoughtMissPettigrewluxuriantly.“Ohlovely
senseofease!Ohgloriousrelaxation!Noexampletoset.Nostandardtokeepup.Noladylikeneatness.”
EvenifonedidworkasgovernessforMissLaFosse,MissPettigrewwasquitesureMissLaFossewouldnevercomeroundwithpryingeyestoinvadetheprivacyofyourbedroomandjudgehowyoukeptit.ShefeltasoaringsenseofjoyjusttoknowtherewerepeopleintheworldaskindasMissLaFosse.ShestoodinthecentreoftheroomandbeamedroundhappilyuntilMissLaFossereturnedfromthebathroom.
returnedfromthebathroom.MissLaFosseworenothingbutapeach-colouredsilkdressing-gown.Asshe
movedcarelesslyhergownswishedapartandMissPettigrewhadaglimpseofbeautifullymodelledlimbs,offlawless,pale-colouredflesh.Herfacewasflushedadelicatepinkbytheheat.Thesteamhadfluffedherhairintotiny,curlingtendrilsroundherface.MissPettigrewregardedherwithshyadmiration.
“Youareverylovely.”“Well,now,”smiledMissLaFosse,“thatisveryniceofyoutosayso.”Shesuppedoffherdressing-gownunconcernedlyandbeganhuntinground
foranothergarment.MissPettigrewgasped,blinked,shuthereyes,openedthemagain.MissLaFossewanderedroundwithunselfconsciouscase,unawareofoffendinganydelicatesensibilities.
MissPettigrew,feelinghotandflustered,chidedherself.“ItisI,”thoughtMissPettigrewsternly,“whohaveanevilmind.What’s
wrongwiththehumanbody?Nothing.Didn’ttheLordmakeit,thesameasourfaces?Certainly.WouldHecreateanythingHethoughtwrong?No.Isn’titonlytheexigenciesofourclimatewhichhavedemandedclothes?Ofcourse.It’sallinthewayofthinking.I’veasilly,narrowmind.I’veneverseenanythinglovelierthanMissLaFossestandingthere.”
MissLaFossewasnowregardingherselfinthemirrorwithdetachedappreciation.
“ThoughIsaysitasshouldn’t,”saidMissLaFosse,“IdothinkI’vegotanicefigure.Imean,doyou?Yousee,it’ssoveryimportantinmyprofession.Loseyourfigure:loseyourfollowing.One’sgottokeepfit.”
“You’vegottheloveliestfigureI’veeverseen,”saidMissPettigrew.MissLaFossebeamed.“Yousaythenicestthings.You’dmakeanyonefeelgoodwiththemselves.”Sheslippedintoabitofsilkandlace.MissPettigrewgaveagentlesighof
relief.Shewasquitewillingtohaveheroutlookwidened,butshewasabitoldtomovetooprecipitately.
“Whatamess!”exclaimedMissLaFosse.“I’velostmymaid,youknow,andInevercankeepthingstidywhenIhuntclothesmyself.Now.Whichfrockshallitbe?”
Shehelduptwofrocks.MissPettigrewdrewadeepbreath.Eachwasravishing.Eachthekindoffrockfittofeatureafilmstar.Onehadabackgroundofmidnightblue,patternedinawilddesignofcolours.Theotherwasblack,withasilverdog-collarandwide,transparentsleeves,fastenedtightaroundthewristwithsilverbands,andasilvergirdleroundthewaist.MissPettigrewlikedthemboth.Shedidn’tmindwhichMissLaFossewore,butshelookedsolemn,
themboth.Shedidn’tmindwhichMissLaFossewore,butshelookedsolemn,wiseandknowingandpointeddecisivelytotheblack.Blackwasalwayssafe.
“Theblack,”saidMissPettigrew.“Withyourfairhairandcomplexionandblueeyes…perfect.”
MissLaFossestruggledintotheblack.MissPettigrewfastenedherup.“They’rebothnew,”saidMissLaFosse.“IwasgoingtogivethebilltoNick,
butifI’mgoingtotryandbreakwithhim,Ithinkit’sonlydecenttosendthebilltoPhil,don’tyouagree?”
“Oh,undoubtedly,”saidMissPettigrewfaintly.MissLaFossesatinfrontofthemirrorinpreparationforthegreatestriteof
all,thefacedecoration.Thedressing-tableboresomanybottlesandjarsMissPettigrewlostcountofthem.
“Now,Alice,”saidMissLaFosse,“sitdown.You’lltireyourselfoutstandingroundlikethat.”
Withthehappysenseofbeinglookedafter,neverexperiencedsinceshewaseighteenandtookherfirstpost,MissPettigrewfoundachairandpulleditclosetothedressing-table.
“Excuseme,”saidMissPettigrew.Sheflushedslightly.“MyrealnameisGuinevere.It’saverysillyname,Iknow,givenmebymymother,andnotatallsuitable.ShehadbeenreadingSirLancelotandGuinevere.Alice,asyousay,ismuchmoresuitable.Ilook,”saidMissPettigrewsadly,“muchmorelikeAlice.”
MissLaFosseswunground.“Nonsense,”shesaidecstatically.“It’salovelyname:aperfectlymarvellous
name.Andactuallyyourown.Itgivesyouimportanceatonce.It…itmakesyousomebody.”Sheloweredhervoice.“Myownname,”sheconfided,“isSarahGrubb.There!I’vetoldyouandIwouldn’tconfessittoanotherlivingsoul,butIthinkalotofyou.You’vesavedmyreputationtoday.WhenIwentonthestageItookanothername.IcalledmyselfDelysiaLaFosse.ImadeuptheLaFossemyself.Ithoughtitwasverygood.”
“Youlook,”saidMissPettigrew,“muchmorelikeaDelysia.”“Thankyou,”saidMissLaFosse;“IkindofthoughtIdid.”“What’sinaname,”quotedMissPettigrewdreamily.“Thehellofalot,”saidMissLaFossesimply;“adamned,snoopinglittle
newspapermanwithaspiteagainstmedugupmyrealnameonceandIdaren’ttellyouwhatIhadtodotomakehimkeepitoutofhiswretchedlittlegossipcolumn.”
MissPettigrewdidn’tdarethink.“RuinedI’dhavebeen,”continuedMissLaFosse.“Can’tyouseeit?Sarah
“RuinedI’dhavebeen,”continuedMissLaFosse.“Can’tyouseeit?SarahGrubb.Enoughtodamnanyone.WhocouldgetenthusiasticoveraSarahGrubb!Butthefateswerekind.Hegotdrunkasusualonenightandgotrunoverbyalorrysothatwasoneworrythelessforme.”
“Verykind,”agreedMissPettigrewfeebly.“What’sthefulllabel?”askedMissLaFosse,interested.MissPettigrew’switswerebecomingremarkablysharpenedinoneday.She
understoodatonce.“Pettigrew,”saidMissPettigrew.“GuineverePettigrew.Veryridiculous,I’m
afraidyou’llthink.”“Perfect,”breathedMissLaFosse;“absolutelyperfect.Amarvellous
combination.Andallyourown.NochanceofsomewretchedlittletykemakingafoolofyoubydishingupanEthelBlogg.You’resure,”pressedMissLaFosseearnestly,“you’veneverthoughtofgoingontheboards?Imean,withyourpowersofmimicryandallthat.Ihaveabitofinfluence,youknow.”
“No,”saidMissPettigrewfirmly,butwithanewsenseofimportance,ofprestige,orconsequence,“never.”
“Apity.”MissLaFosseshookherhead.“Agreatpity.Aperfectnamelostfromthelights.”
Shedrewthecombthroughherhair.“Youhavebeautifulhair,”saidMissPettigrewwistfully.Shelookedather
ownstraight,lustrelesslocksalittlesadlyinthemirror.“Itmakessuchadifference.”
“Allthedifferenceintheworld,”agreedMissLaFosse.“I’mlucky.Myhairhasanaturalwave,butifithadn’t,it’saperm,youwant.There’snothinglikeagoodperm,forworkingatransformation.Imean,evenifyoudogooutintherain,itstaysincurl.Notlikeamarcel,thatgoesstraightatonceandlooksworsethanitdidbefore.”ShelookedcriticallyatMissPettigrew.
“Ireallythinkwe’llhaveto.Idon’tmeantooffend,butdon’tyouthinkanoutsidersometimesknowsbetterwhatsuitsyouthanyoudoyourself?Alphonseistheveryman.He’llknowjustwhattodo.We’llgotohim.”
MissPettigrewsat,facepink,eyesshining,mouthtrembling.“Oh,mydear,”saidMissPettigrew.“Youcouldn’toffendme,butaren’tyou
forgettingthat…”Therewasaloudringatthebell.“There!”saidMissLaFosse.“Doyoumind…?”Mind!MissPettigrewwasonherfeetinaflash.Sheclosedthebedroomdoor
firmlybehindher.Oneneverknew.Herfeetnearlytrippedoverthemselveshurryingoverthefloor.Shestoodinfrontofthedoorforoneperfect,breathless
hurryingoverthefloor.Shestoodinfrontofthedoorforoneperfect,breathlesssecondofexpectancy;thensheflungitopen.
“O
CHAPTERSIX
3.13PM—3.44PM
H!”gaspedMissPettigrew.Shewasnearlyknockedoverbytheflyingpassageofafemalebodybelongingtoaladyofstartlingattractions.MissPettigrewgaped,blinkedanddevouredthemavidly.
Theladywasyoung,slim,arresting.Herfacewasofadeep,creamypallor,devoidofanycolourexceptthewickedredbowofhermouth.Hair,likeblacklacquer,partedinthemiddle,wascoiledinanelaboraterollatthenapeofherneck.Atinyhatwasperchedatanacuteangleatthesideofherhead.Blackbrowscurvedwithanunnaturalslantaboveeyesofasurprisinglyvividblueforabrunette.Long,blacklashes,asthickandcurledasthemostfamousoffilmstar’s,heldMissPettigrew’sfascinatedattention.Vividgreenear-ringsdangledfromtiny,shell-likeearssnugagainstherhead.Asshemoved,adelicateperfume,subtlyalluring,beguiledMissPettigrew’ssenses.Herclothes…MissPettigrewgaveitup.HerexperiencehadnotfittedhertodescribeParisianconfections.Theladyhadflungopenherfurcoatandtossedherglovesonthecouch.Obviouslyheretostay.MissPettigrewturnedandshutthedoor.
Thevisitorglanceddistractedlyroundtheroom.“Idon’tknowyou.”“No,”saidMissPettigrew.“IsDelysiain?”“Yes.”“Imustseeher.Isimplymustseeher.Icanseeher?”“Certainly,”agreedMissPettigrew.“Imean,”shethrewawildglanceattheclosedbedroomdoor,“I’mnot
buttingin.IhearNick’sback.”“MissLaFosseisalone.”“ThankGod!”“Ifyouwilltellmeyourname,”saidMissPettigrewhelpfully,“Iwill
acquaintMissLaFosseofyourpresence.”Thevisitorwasalreadyonherwaytothedoor.Shethrewasurprisedglance
overhershoulder.
overhershoulder.“That’sallright.Sheknowsme.”Shehurriedtothedoorandflungitopen.“Delysia.”“Goaway,”saidMissLaFosse.“I’vegotsomethingtotellyou.”“Iknow.Whenhaven’tyou.That’swhyI’msayinggoaway.I’mbusyjust
now.IfyoudistractmewhileI’mmakingupmyfaceI’llmakeamistakeandlookafright.I’llnotbelong.”
“I’vesimplygottotalktoyou.”“Guinevere,”calledMissLaFosse.“Yes,”saidMissPettigrew,immediateattention.“Edythe,meetGuinevere.She’lllookafteryou.Guinevere,meetEdythe.For
theloveofGodtakeherawayanddosomethingwithher.She’saterriblewoman,butI’llnotbelong.”
“Delighted,”saidMissPettigrewhappily.Sheshutthebedroomdoorfirmly.MissLaFossewantedtobealone.Miss
LaFosseshouldbealone.Sheturnedalittlediffidentlytohernewvisitor.Shewasnotquitesurehowonetalkedtoyoungwomenlikethis.TheycouldnotallbeassimpleandkindlyasMissLaFosse.
“Pettigrewisthesurname,”shesaidalittleapologetically,incasethevisitorshouldnotlikethefamiliarityofChristiannames.
“Ah!Mine’sDubarry.”“How-do-you-do?”saidMissPettigrewpolitely.“Lousy,”saidMissDubarry.“Howareyou?”“Oh…oh,fine,”saidMissPettigrew,gasping,buthastilyseeking
sophisticatedease.“Justfine.”“Thenyou’resafelymarried,”saidMissDubarrygloomily,“oryou’renotin
love.I’mneither.”“Neitherwhat?”queriedMissPettigrew,surprisedintorudeness.“I’mnotsafelymarriedandIaminlove.”“Oh!”saidMissPettigrew,thrilled,interested,franklycurious.“Howlovely.”“Lovely?”explodedMissDubarry.“Lovely?Whenthedirtydog’swalked
outonme!”“Oh,howtragic!”gaspedMissPettigrew.“Tragic’stheword,”groanedMissDubarry.“That’swhyI’vecometo
Delysia.She’sgotbrains,thatwoman,evenifsheisanaturalbeautyaswell.Don’tyoubedeceived.”
“I’mnot,”saidMissPettigrew.
“I’mnot,”saidMissPettigrew.“No,youwouldn’tbe.It’sthemenwhomakethemistake.Theyseeshe’sgot
thelooksandthinkshecan’thavethegreymatteraswell,andtheytrytotakeherforaride.Theirmistake,ofcourse.”
“Theydeservealltheyget,”saidMissPettigrewbelligerently,butwithoutthefaintestideaofwhattheyweretalkingabout.
“That’swhatIsay.Butshe’sgotbrains.Shegetsawaywithit.Ihaven’t,soIalwayslandinamess.”
SheglancedsounhappilyroundtheroomthatMissPettigrew’skindheartmelted.
“Haveaseat,”saidMissPettigrewkindly.“Thanks,Iwill.”MissDubarrysatdown.“Menareawful,”saidMissDubarrymiserably.“Iquiteagree,”saidMissPettigrew.Thesubjectoftheconversationstilleludedher,butshedidn’tcare.Shewas
thoroughlyenjoyingherself.Shewasinastateofspiritualintoxication.Noonehadevertalkedtoherlikethatbefore.Theveryodd-nessoftheirconversationsentthrillsofdelightdownherspine.Cometothinkofit,hardlyanyonehadevertroubledtotalktoheraboutanythingatall:notinapersonalsense.Butthesepeople!Theyopenedtheirhearts.Theyadmittedher.Shewasoneofthemselves.Itwastheamazingwaytheytookherforgrantedthatthrilledeverynerveinherbody.Nosurprise:theysimplysaid‘Hallo’,andyouwereoneofthemselves.Noworryingwhatyourpositionandyourfamilyandyourbankbalancewere.InallherlonelylifeMissPettigrewhadneverrealizedhowlonelyshehadbeenuntilnow,whenforonedayshewaslonelynolonger.Shecouldn’tanalysethedifference.Foryearsshehadlivedinotherpeople’shousesandhadneverbeenaninmateinthesenseofbelonging,andnow,inafewshorthours,shewasserenelyandblissfullyathome.Shewasaccepted.Theytalkedtoher.
Andhowtheytalked!Shehadneverheardthelikebefore.Theirridiculousinconsequence.Everysentencewaslikeaheadycocktail.Thewholeflavouroftheremarksgaveherawickedfeelingofsophistication.Andthewayshekeptherendup!Noonewouldeverdreamshewasnewtoit.
“Ineverbelieved,”thoughtMissPettigrewwithpride,“thatIhaditinme.”ShestoodbeamingdownatMissDubarry.MissDubarrysatstaringgloomily
attheelectricfire,quiteunawareoftheelationshewascausingherfriendDelysia’sfriend.MissPettigrewthoughtshemustdosomethingtolightenMissDubarry’sdistress.Shesoaredtotheheights.Withcarelessness,withease,with
Dubarry’sdistress.Shesoaredtotheheights.Withcarelessness,withease,withnegligentpoise,asfeaturedincountlessTalkies.
“Haveaspot,”saidMissPettigrew.MissDubarrybrightened.“That’sanidea.Blessingsonthewoman.”MissPettigrewresortedoncemoretothecupboardinthekitchen.Shecame
backwithaladentray.Shehadputonabottleofmostthingsshecoulddiscover.“Perhapsyou’llmixyourown,”shesaidwithcarelessairiness.“Everyoneto
theirownpoison,Ialwayssay.”MissDubarryrosewithalacrity.“JustalittleginIthink,and…where’sthelimejuice?Ah!Here.Ithinkagin
andlimewilldomegrand.”MissPettigrewwatchedherwithveiledconcentration.“What’llyoursbe?”offeredMissDubarryhelpfully.MissPettigrewstarted.Ahastyrefusalcametoherlips,thenshechangedhermind.Thiswasnotime
forsqueamishness.Ahostessmustdrinkwithherguest.“I’llmixmyown,”saidMissPettigrewrecklessly.MissDubarryretiredwithherdrink.HastilyMissPettigrewfilledaglasswith
sodaandjustcoloureditwithsherrytogiveitalookofauthenticity.Shereturnedtoherseat.
“Mudinyoureyes,”saidMissDubarry.MissPettigrewknewnohappyrejoinders,somadeoneup.“Washandbrushup,”saidMissPettigrew.Theydrank.“Another?”offeredMissPettigrew.“Idon’tthinkI’dbetter,”saidMissDubarryreluctantly.“Imean,ifwe’re
goingtotheOgilveys’,we’dbetterarrivesober.Imean,wenearlyalwaysleavedrunk.”
“Exactly,”agreedMissPettigrew.“Andthen,ifTony’sthere,I’llneedallmywitsaboutme.”“Precisely,”saidMissPettigrew.“SoI’dbetternothaveanother.”“Thebarhasclosed,”saidMissPettigrew.“Well,perhapsjustasplash,”saidMissDubarry.Shesplashed.Alreadyshelookedagreatdealmorecheerful.Herairof
funerealgloomhadalmostdeparted.SheregardedMissPettigrewwithinterestedcuriosityandmadenobonesaboutsatisfyingherinquisitiveness.
“FriendofDelysia’s?”
“FriendofDelysia’s?”MissPettigrewstaredathertoes,glancedattheclosedbedroomdoor,looked
backatMissDubarry.“Yes,”saidMissPettigrew.“Closefriends.”“Very,”liedMissPettigrew.“Well,”saidMissDubarry,“Ialwayssay‘afriendofDelysia’sisafriendof
mine‘.”“Thankyou,”saidMissPettigrew.“SheseesthingsinpeopleIdon’tandshe’salwaysright,soIfollowher
lead.”ThissoundedalittledoubtfultoMissPettigrew,sosheonlysmiled.“NewtoLondon,”diagnosedMissDubarrybrilliantly.MissPettigrewforboretotellherthatforthelasttenyearsallherpostshad
beeninandnearLondon.Suddenlyshewasashamedtoacknowledgeit.Obviouslyshehadgainednothingbythisadvantage.
“IwasborninavillageinNorthumberland,”sheprevaricated.“Ah!”saidMissDubarrybrightly.“Scotland.”“Well.Notquite,”saidMissPettigrew.“It’salongwayfromLondon,”saidMissDubarrydarkly.“Yes.Itis.”“Hereforgoodnow?”“Ihopeso.”“Ah.You’llsoonlearnthingshere.There’snoplacelikeLondon.Takestime,
youknow.Butyou’llsoonleavetheprovincesbehind.”“Doyouthinkso?”“Nodoubtatall,withalittleexpertadvice.”MissDubarrystoodupabruptly.ShecircledMissPettigrew,eyesintent,
expressionconcentrated.MissPettigrewsatpetrified.MissDubarryfrowned.Sheheldherchinbetweenthumbandforefinger.Sheshookherhead.Suddenlyshebarked,“Youshouldn’twearthosemuddybrowns.They’renotyourcolour.”
“Oh!”MissPettigrewjumped.“Certainlynot.Where’syourtaste?Where’syourartisticdiscrimination?”“Ihaven’tany,”saidMissPettigrewmeekly.“Andyourmake–up;’swrong.”“Make-up!”gaspedMissPettigrew.“Make-up.”
“Make-up.”“Me?”saidMissPettigrewfaintly.“You.”“Ihaven’tany.”“Nomake–up;,”saidMissDubarryshocked.“Why?It’sindecent,walking
aroundnaked.”MissPettigrewstaredatherblankly.Hermindwaswhirling:herthoughts
chaotic.Amentalupheavalrenderedherdizzy.Yes,why?Alltheseyearsandshehadneverhadthewickedthrillofpowderinghernose.Othershadexperiencedthatjoy.Nevershe.Andallbecauseshelackedcourage.Allbecauseshehadneverthoughtforherself.Powder,thunderedherfatherthecurate,theroadtodamnation.Lipstick,whisperedhermother,thefirststeponthedownwardpath.Rouge,fulminatedherfather,theharlot’senticement.Eyebrowpencil,breathedhermother,nolady…!
MissPettigrew’sthoughtsranwildly,chaotically,riotously.Asintomakethebestoftheworst?Shesatup.Hereyesbegantoshine.Allherfemininefacultiesintentontheimportant,earnest,serious,mightytaskofimprovingonGod’shandiwork.Thensheremembered.Shesatback.Herfaceclouded.
“Oh!”saidMissPettigrewinaflatvoice.“Mydear…atmyage.Withmycomplexion.”
“It’sabeautifulcomplexion.”“Beautiful?”saidMissPettigrewincredulously.“Notamark,notaspot,notablemish.Colour!Whowantsnaturalcolour?
It’salwayswrong.Aperfectbackground.Nobasetoprepare.Nohandicapstoovercome.Blonde,brunette,pinkandwhite,tanned,creamypallor.Anythingyoulike.”
MissDubarryleanedforwardintent.ShetippedMissPettigrew’sfacethisway:shetippeditthatway.Shepattedtheskin.Shefeltthetextureofherhair.
“Hmn!Agoodcleansingcream.Astrongastringenttotoneupthemuscles.Eyebrowsdefinitelydarkened.Can’tmakeupmymindaboutthehairyet.Nut-brown,Ithink.Complexionneedscolour.Definitelycolour.Bringsouttheblueoftheeyes.Wholefaceneedsacourseoftreatment.Shockinglyneglected.”
Shestoppedabruptlyandlookedapologetic.“Ohdear!Youmustexcuseme.HereIam,forgettingmyselfagain.I’min
thetrade,yousee,andIcan’thelptakingaprofessionalinterest.”“Don’tmindme,”breathedMissPettigrew.“Pleasedon’tmindme.Iloveit.
Noone’severtakenaninterestinmyfacebefore.”“Obviouslynot,”saidMissDubarrysternly.“Notevenyourself.”“I’veneverhadanytime,”apologizedMissPettigrew.
“I’veneverhadanytime,”apologizedMissPettigrew.“Nonsense.You’vehadtimetowash,haven’tyou?You’vetimetogetabath.
You’vetimetocutyournails.Awoman’sfirstdutyistoherface.I’msurprisedatyou.”
“Ahwell!”sighedMissPettigrewhopelessly.“I’mlongpasttheagenow…”“Nowoman,”saidMissDubarrygrimly,“iseverpasttheage.Themore
yearsthatpassthemorereasonforcare.Youshouldbeoldenoughtoknowbetter.”
“I’veneverhadanymoney.”“Ah!”saidMissDubarrywithunderstanding.“That’sdifferent.Youwouldn’t
believetheamountitcostsevenmetokeepmyfacefixed,andI’minthetradeandthatmeansnearlyninety-ninepercentoff.”
Shefoundherhandbagandopenedit.“Here’smycard.Youbringthatanytimeyoulikeandyoushallhavethebest
ofeverything.AnyfriendofDelysia’sisafriendofmine.IfI’matlibertyI’lldoyoumyself.Ifnot,I’llgetyouthebestleft.”
“Howwonderful,”gaspedMissPettigrew.Shetookthecardwithtremblingfingers.
“EdytheDubarry,”sheread,thrilled.“It’swellseenyou’renoLondoner,”saidMissDubarry.“Thatnamestands
forsomething.It’sthebestbeautyparlourinLondon,thoughitismyown.”MissPettigrew’sfacebegantoshine.“Tellme,”shebegged,“isittrue?Isitreallytrue?Imean,cantheseplaces
improveyourlooks?”MissDubarrysatdown.Shehesitated.Shehitchedherchaircloser.“Lookatme.”MissPettigrewlooked.MissDubarrygaveafriendlychuckle.“Ilikeyou.There’ssomethingaboutyou…well!Whatdoyouthinkofme?”“Ohdear!”saidMissPettigrew,muchembarrassed.“WhathaveItosayto
that?”“Justwhatyoulike.Idon’tmind.Butthetruth.”“Well,”saidMissPettigrew,takingtheplunge,“Ithinkyouhavevery…very
startlinglooks.”MissDubarrylookedimmenselypleased.“Thereyouarethen.”MissPettigrewwarmedtohertask.IfMissDubarrycouldbefrank,socould
she.“You’renotexactlybeautiful,likeMissLaFosse,butyoucatchtheeye.
“You’renotexactlybeautiful,likeMissLaFosse,butyoucatchtheeye.Whenyoucomeintoaroom,everyonewillnoticeyou.”
“There,”saidMissDubarryproudly.“WhatdidItellyou?”“What?”askedMissPettigrew.“WhatI’vebeentellingyou.”“What’sthat?”“YouandI,”saidMissDubarry,“areexactlyalike.”“Oh…howcanyousayit!”saidMissPettigrewunbelievingly.“Youdon’tlooklikethekindofawomantogiveawaysecrets,”saidMiss
Dubarryrecklessly.“I’mnot,”saidMissPettigrew.“AndwhenIseesuchaperfectlayfigureasyou,Ican’thelpspreadingthe
gladtidings.”“No?”saidMissPettigrew,bewildered.MissDubarryleanedcloser.“Myhair,”statedMissDubarry,“ismousecoloured…likeyours.”“No!”gaspedMissPettigrew.“Notreally.”“Afact.Ithoughtblacksuitedmebetter.”“Undoubtedly.”“Myeyebrows,”continuedMissDubarry,“andeyelashesaresandy-coloured.
Ihavepluckedmyeyebrowsandpencilledinnewones.Myeyelashes,aswellasbeingsuchadamnableshade,areshort.Ihavehadnewonesfixed.Black,longandcurly.”
“Marvellous,”whisperedMissPettigrew,atlastrealizingthereasonforMissDubarry’ssurprisingeyes.
“Ihavetheinsipid,indeterminatecomplexionthatgoeswiththatstupidcolouring.Ithoughtacreamypalloragreatdealmoreinteresting.”
“Absolutely,”breathedMissPettigrew.“Mynosewasadifficulty.Youscoreovermethere.ButMcCormickisa
marvelloussurgeon.Hegavemeanewone.”“No,”gaspedMissPettigrew.“Myteethwerethegreatesttrouble,”confessedMissDubarry.“Theyweren’t
spacedevenly.Fiftypoundsthatcostme.Butitwasworthit.”MissPettigrewleanedback.“It’sunbelievable,”shesaidfaintly,“quiteunbelievable.”“Iforgottheears,”saidMissDubarry.“Theystoodouttoomuch,but,asI
say,McCormick’samarvelloussurgeon.Hesoonputthatright.”“Itcan’tbepossible.”MissPettigrewwasalmostbeyondwords.“Imean,
you’renotyou.”
you’renotyou.”“Justalittlecare,”saidMissDubarry.“Itdoeswonders.”“Miracles,”articulatedMissPettigrew,“miracles;I’llneverbelieveawoman
againwhenIseeher.”“Why!”saidMissDubarry.“Wouldyouhaveusallgonakedand
unashamed?Mustwetakeoffthepowderwiththepetticoat,anddiscardtheeyeblackwiththebrassiere?Mustwerenouncebeautyandreverttothecruditiesofnature?”
“AllbutMissLaFosse,”continuedMissPettigrewfaintlybutloyally.“Isawherstraight…out…of…the…bath.”
“Oh,Delysia!”saidMissDubarry.“She’sdifferent.Shewasblessedatbirth.”Sheglancedatthebedroomdoor.Herfacecloudedoveragain.“Iwishshe’dhurry.I’minanawfuljamandshegenerallyseesawayout.”MissPettigrew’seyesbecamemisted.“Howlovely!”shethoughtsentimentally.“Isthereanythingmorebeautiful?
Womantowoman.Andtheysaywedon’ttrusteachother!”“There’snothinglikeanotherwomanwhenyou’reintrouble,”sighedMiss
Pettigrew.MissDubarryshuddered.“GoodGod!Don’tyoubelievethat,”shesaidearnestly.“There’snotanother
womanI’dcometobutDelysia.”“No?”askedMissPettigrewinsurprise.“Well,Delysia,she’sdifferent.Imean,withherlooksshehasn’tgottoworry
aboutmen.Youcantrusther.”“Yes,”saidMissPettigrew.“Iknowyoucan.”“Shedoesn’ttrytopinchyourmen.Imean,Idon’tmindflirting.Awoman
wouldn’tbehumanifshedidn’t,butthere’swaysofdoingit.Shedoesn’ttrytoturnthemoffyoubehindyourback.Shesaysthebestwhenyou’renotthere.”
“Justlikeher,”saidMissPettigrewproudly.“Ohyes.Iforgot.You’reanoldfriendofhers.Ohdear!Iwishshe’dhurry.
There’llbenotimeforhertothinkofanything.”“Howdidyoucometoownabeautyparlour?”askedMissPettigrew
tactfully,tryingtoturnMissDubarry’smindfromhertroubles.“Youlookveryyoung.Ifyoudon’tthinkI’mrude,I’mveryinterested.”
“Oh,that,”saidMissDubarry.“Thatwasverysimple.Ivampedtheboss.”“Vampedtheboss!”echoedMissPettigrewweakly.“Ohdear!However
couldyouthinkofsuchathing?”“Verysimple.Iwaseighteen…anapprentice.Hewasgettingon.They
“Verysimple.Iwaseighteen…anapprentice.Hewasgettingon.Theyalwaysfallfortheyoungones…ifyou’reclever,thatis.Iwasalwayscleverthatway,”saidMissDubarrysimply.“Ifyouact‘marriageornothing’theygenerallygiveyoumarriage.Iwasverylucky.Iwenttohishead,buthecouldn’tstandthepace.HegotanicetombstoneandIgottheparlour.”
“Wemustbefair,”saidMissPettigrewvaguely,notknowingwhattosay.“Iearnedit,”saidMissDubarrysimply.“Butthere!Youcan’texpecttoget
thingswithoutalittlework.Andhewasn’tabadsort.I’veknownworse.Iwasnofooleither.Ilearnedthatbusiness,eventhoughIdidgetmarried.It’spaidme.Doyouknow,it’sworththreetimesasmuchnowaswhenhepassedout.”
“Ibetitis,”admiredMissPettigrewsimplyandslangily.“Iputuptheprices.That’sbusiness.AndIchangedthenameofcourse.I
pickedDubarry.Imean,you’veonlygottothinkofDuBarryandyouexpectthings.Itstandsforsomething.Ithinkitwasaverycleverchoice.Atleast,”saidMissDubarryhonestly,“Delysiathoughtofit,butIwasquicktobeontoit.”
“Aperfectname,”praisedMissPettigrew.“Amarvellousname,”sheaddedrecklessly.
Shedidherbesttodisciplineherjudgment.Butitwasnouse.Shewascarriedaway.Whowasshetojudge?Wouldn’tshehavemarriedanymanwhohadaskedherinthelasttenyearstoescapetheMrs.Brummegansofthisworld?Ofcourseshewould!Whypretend?Whypretendwithalltheothersillyoldwomenthattheywerebetterthantheirsistersbecausetheyhadhadnochanceofbeingotherwise?Awaywithcant.MissPettigrewleanedforwardwithshiningeyesandpattedMissDubarry’sknee.
“Ithink,”saidMissPettigrew,“you’rewonderful.IonlywishI’dhadhalfyourbrainswhenIwasyoung.Imightbeamerrywidowtoday.”
“Alot’sinthechancesyouget,”consoledMissDubarry.“Alwaysrememberthat.Andgrabbingthemwhentheycome,ofcourse.”
“Eveniftheyhadcome,”saidMissPettigrewwithsadconviction,“Icouldneverhavegrabbed.Iwasn’tthekind.”
“Neversaydie,”saidMissDubarry.“You’llgetyourkickoutoflifeyet.”ShepattedMissPettigrew’skneeinreturn,andthedelicateseductivenessof
herperfumeagainassailedMissPettigrew’ssenses.“Whatalovelyscent,”admiredMissPettigrew.“Isn’tit?”saidMissDubarrycomplacently.“I’veneversmeltanythinglikeitbefore.”“You’rehardlylikelyto.I’mtheonlypersoninEnglandknowsthesecret.”“Howwonderful!”marvelledMissPettigrew.“Isitexpensive?”“Ninepoundsanounce.”
“Ninepoundsanounce.”“What?”gaspedMissPettigrew.“Ohwell!Itcostsmeten-and-six.”“Andpeoplebuyit?”quaveredMissPettigrew.“AsmuchasI’llsellthem.ButI’vefoundinthelongrunyoukeepasteadier
marketbypretendingthere’sashortage.Youmightsellmoreinthebeginning,butletthemoncethinkthere’splentyandthedemandwillsoonfalloff.Myclientsliketobeselect.”
“Ten-and-six,”saidMissPettigrewfaintly.“Ninepounds.”“Oh,that’sjustbusiness.Imean,nooneelsecanmakeit,soofcourseI
charge.Ifthesecretleakedout,thepricewouldcomedownwithabang.It’stheexclusivenessyou’repayingfor.”
MissPettigrew’sinterestovercamehershock.“Buthow,ifyoudon’tmindmyasking,didyoulearntomakeit?”“Well,it’salongstory,”saidMissDubarry,“toldinfull.IwasoverinFrance
buyingstock.ImetGastonLeblanc…he’sthegreatestexpertonperfumesthereis.Well,Imean,itwastoogoodachancetomiss,soIputinabitofovertime.Hisidea,ofcourse,wastocombinethetwobusinesses.I’mnofool.Itwasn’texactlymycharmsalone.Well,Ididn’texactlycold-shoulderhimandhegavemethesecretasanengagementpresent.Youknow!Costhimnothingandthesecretwassafeinthefamily.ThenIcamebacktoEngland.”
“ToEngland?”saidMissPettigrew,bewildered.“Ofcourse,”saidMissDubarryindignantly.“Well,Imeantosay!Hewasn’t
wantingtomarryme.HewaswantingtomarryDubarry’s.Itwasn’tasifIdidn’tknow.Idon’tapproveofthesecontinentalways.He’dneverhaveconsideredmeformarriagewithoutmybusiness.Well,that’smorethanIcanstomach.Idolikeamantoputabitofpassionintoaproposal.Englishmendon’twanttogetintoabusiness,theywanttogetintobed.We’rebroughtuptoexpectitandyoucan’tgetoverearlytraining.”
“No,”saidMissPettigrewindignantly.“Ofcoursenot.Theveryidea!Abusinessindeed!”
MissDubarrydugintoherhandbagandbroughtouthercompact.Sheproceededtopaintonanewmouthagain.MissPettigrewstoodup.Shestaredatherselfinthemirroroverthemantelpiece,atthetokensofmiddleagethatlaynotsomuchinlinesandwrinklesbutinmuchmoresubtlesuggestions,insomethingoldintheexpression:inthetirednessoftheeyes,inthelackofbrillianceabouttheface.Straight,lank,mouse-colouredhair:faded,tiredblueeyes:palemouth,thinface,dull,yellowishcomplexion.
eyes:palemouth,thinface,dull,yellowishcomplexion.“It’snouse,”thoughtMissPettigrew,“youcandowhatyoulikewithpaint
andpowder,butyoucan’tgetawayfromtheunhealthycomplexionbroughtbylackofgoodfood.AndIdon’tseewheregoodfood’scomingtome.”
Suddenlyshefeltflat,lifelessandterrifiedagain.Immediatelythenervousworrysprangintothefaceinfrontofher.Itwasageing,destructive.Itdemolishedallsignsofyouth.
MissPettigrewhastilyturnedhereyesfromherownimage.ShestaredatMissDubarry,sittinginherexpensiveclothes,withhersleek,blackhead,hercrimsonlips,thebeautifularrestingpallorofherface.
“No,”thoughtMissPettigrewhopelessly,“youcouldneveratanytimeturnmeintoher.EvenwhenIwasyoung.Itisn’tonlythepaint.It’ssomethinginsideyou.”
Shemovedtositdownagain.ThebedroomdooropenedandMissLaFosseemerged.
M
CHAPTERSEVEN
3.44PM—5.2PM
issLaFossecameintotheroom,blackdraperiesfloating,silvercollar,silvergirdle,gleaming,fairhair,likeapalegoldcrown,shining.Atonce,inMissPettigrew’sestimation,MissDubarrysankintotheshade.
“Ah!”thoughtMissPettigrewwithafeelingofpossessivepride,“artcanneverbeatnature.”
“Delysia!”criedMissDubarry,springingtoherfeet.“Ithoughtyouwouldnevercome.”
“Nowbecalm,Edythe,”beggedMissLaFosse.“Youalwaysgettooexcited.”“Sowouldyouifyouwereinmyplace.”“Yes.IsupposeIwould,”agreedMissLaFossesoothingly.“It’seasytalking
whenitisn’tyourself.ButhowhaveyouandGuineverebeengettingalong?Sorrytokeepyouwaiting.”
“Oh,fine.We’vehadagrandtalk.I’vebeenshowingoff.It’sasoothingfeeling.”
“Ohno,shewasn’t,”deniedMissPettigrewhastily.“ShewasonlytellingmethingsbecauseIasked.”
MissLaFossechuckled.“Ibelievebothofyou.”“Oh,Delysia!”MissDubarry’svoicebroke.Allherunhappinesscamebackintoherfaceagain.Shenearlywept.Herfacepuckered,butshecouldnotimperilhermake–up;.
Shesatdownonthecouchandtriedtogaincontrolofherself.“Iknow,”saidMissLaFossewithcomfortingsympathy.“I’mready.Where’s
thecigarettes…here?Haveone.”ShelitoneforherselfandMissDubarryandsatdownbesideher.“Now.Tellme.”
MissDubarrygulpedinthesmoke.“Tony’sleftme.”“No!”saidMissLaFosseincredulously.MissPettigrewsatalittleaway.Shefeltshewasintruding.Thesetwowere
realfriends.Theyhadforgottenher.Shefeltsheoughttogobutdidn’tlikejust
realfriends.Theyhadforgottenher.Shefeltsheoughttogobutdidn’tlikejusttowalkoutoftheroomwithoutaword.MissDubarryknewshewasthere,soitwasn’therfaultifsheeavesdropped.Shedidn’twanttogo.ShewantedinsteadtoknowwhoTonywasandwhyhehadleftMissDubarry,butshewasalsobeginningtohavealost,forlornfeelingthatalltheseexcitingpeople,withtheirexperiencesandadventures,shouldonlytouchherlifeforoneshortperiod.
MissDubarrynoddedherhead.“It’strue,”shesaiddully.“Butyou’vequarrelledbefore.”“Yes.Butnotrealquarrels.There’sadifference.”“Iknow,”agreedMissLaFosse.“What’shappened?”“Well.YouknowhowTonyis?He’ssojealousifyoujustspeakpolitelyto
theliftmanhethinksyouhavedesignsonhim.”“Iknow.Butyoumustconfessyou’veaveryintimatewayofbeingniceto
men.”“Yes,Iknowallthat.Butit’sjusthabit.Youknowthat.Untilyou’vemade
yourway,you’vegottobelikethat,andthehabit’sjuststuck.”“Yes,”agreedMissLaFosseagain.“Thereisn’tanyonebutTony.Youknowthat.Thereneverhasbeen.Imean,
youmightmarryforbusinessfirsttime,thewayIdid,butyoudon’tfallinloveforbusinessonceyou’resettledinlife.I’devenmarryhim,ifheaskedme.Buthe’sneverasked.”
“Perhapshedoesn’tliketo.Imean,it’salottogiveup,yourfreedom,withyourownbusinessandplentyofmoney.There’snoneedtogetmarried.Heprobablythinksitwouldbecheektoask.Thewayitis…well,it’sjustinthewayofaffection.Breakoffwheneitherofyoulikes.Butmarriageisserious.He’sprobablythinkingofyou.”
“Ithinkthat’swhathedoesthink.I’malmostsureitis.Iearnmorewithmybusinessthanhedoes,youknow.Iwouldn’tcareifhe’donlysayso,thenI’dknowwhereIwas.Imean,ifhe’donlysayhewasserious.I’dsoonmakehimagreetomarriage.”
“Menarefunny,”agreedMissLaFosse.“Well.Heexpectsitbothways.Metobefaithful,likemarried,yetnot
marriedandnothingevensaid.”“It’sthefunnywaytheyhave.Expectyoutoreadtheirminds.”“Well.Iwaswilling.I’dratherhaveTonythatwaythannoway,butIdidn’t
seewhyIshouldn’thaveabitofinnocentfun.YouknowhehadtogoabroadforsixweeksandIgotrunningaroundwithFrankDesmond.Nothingtoit,youknow.Justamusement.Well,apartyofusmotoredouttohisweekendplaceone
know.Justamusement.Well,apartyofusmotoredouttohisweekendplaceonenight.Theothersleftaheadofus.Ijuststayedforonemoredrink,andwhenwegottoFrank’scarthelightswouldn’twork.He’snomechanicandwehadn’tevenatorchtogiveuslight.Itwaspouringlikethedevilandblackaspitchandamiletothevillage,sowhatcouldIdobutstaythenight?”
“Well,obviouslynothing,”concurredMissLaFosse.“I’dhavedonethesamemyself.ButIsupposeTony’sgottoknow.”Thetearsnearlycamethrough.MissDubarry’smouthtrembled.“Yes.”“Isuppose,”queriedMissLaFossetentatively,“itwasallinnocent.”“That’swhathurts,”mournedMissDubarrypathetically.“Youknowwhata
fascinatingdevilFrankis.Itisn’tasthoughyouwouldn’thavelikedabitoffunwithhim.ButbecauseofTony,well,Ididn’t.AndnowImightjustaswellforallhe’llbelieveme.”
“Ohwell!Theysayvirtueisitsownreward.”“I’dratherhavethefun,iftherewardistobethesameinanycase.”“IsupposeTonywon’tbelieveyou.”“No.Ican’tdoanything.YouknowwhatareputationFrankhas.Tony
simplywon’tbelieveeitherofus…IevenloweredmyselftodraginFrank.Hesaysofcoursehe’dlieforme.”
“Ofcoursehewould,”saidMissLaFossedrearily.“That’stheworstofit.Imean,Tonyknowshe’dlie,sohowdoesheknowwhenhe’snotlying?Ohdear!It’sterriblydifficult.”
“Iknow.That’sthewayitwas.”MissDubarry’svoicechoked.Afewoftheprudentlywithheldtearsspilled
over.ShecaughtMissLaFosse’sarm.“Oh,Delysia!You’vegottothinkofsomething.Ican’tlivewithouthim.”MissLaFossemadecomfortingnoises.MissDubarrydabbedhereyes,then
shelookedupwithashowofindignation.“Cryingoveraman!Canyoubeatit?YoumustthinkI’mmad.Iammad.
Theidea!He’sahorrid,suspiciousbeast.Ineverwanttohaveanythingmoretodowithhiminmylifeagain.”
“Veryheroic,”sighedMissLaFosse,“butunfortunatelyuntrue.”MissDubarrycollapsedagain.“Ithoughtimmediatelyofyou.Ithoughtyoumightthinkofsomething.”“I’lltry,”saidMissLaFossehopelessly.“But…Tony!Andyoucan’teven
sayyoudidn’tstaythenight.”“Iknow.”
“Iknow.”“It’saproblem.”“Icamestraighttoyou.IheardNickwasback.Ididn’tknowwhetheryou’d
beavailable,butIriskedit.”“Ohyes.Nick’sback.”“Ithoughtyousaidhesaidtomorrow.”“Hedid.”“AreyoustillcomingtotheOgilveys’then?”“Ohyes.”“Whendidhecome?”“Thismorning.”“Where’shenowthen?”“Idon’tknow.Hedidn’tstay.”“What?”“Onlyanhour.”“He’snot…he’snot…wavering?”saidMissDubarry,aghast.“Ohno!Guineverewouldn’tlethim.Thatwastherealreason.”“What?Wouldn’tlethim?”“Shedidn’tlikehim.”“You’rejoking.”“Askher.”“He’llbebackanyminutethough?”“No.Tomorrow.”“He’snotcomingbacktonight?”“No.”“What?”“Guineverewouldn’thavehim.”“GoodGod!”saidMissDubarryfaintly.“It’sthetruth.”“Hestoodforit?”“Hehadnochoice.”“You’rekidding.”“HewasnomatchforGuinevere.”“Godsaveus!”MissDubarrymovedround.ShestaredatMissPettigrew.Awe,amazement,
incredulousdisbeliefshowedinherface.Dawningreverenceoustedallotheremotions.
“YouturnedNickoutofhisownflat?”“Ohdear!”flutteredMissPettigrew,“notasbadasallthat.”
“Ohdear!”flutteredMissPettigrew,“notasbadasallthat.”“Iwasinajam,”saidMissLaFosse.“Youtoo?”saidMissDubarryfaintly.“Nicksaidhewascomingtomorrow.”“Iknow.”“SoPhilstayedherelastnight.”“Goodheavens!”“IlearnedtoolateaboutNick.”“Obviously.”“Phil’sbackingmynewshow.Icouldn’toffendhim.Agirlneverknowsin
thislife.”“Ofcourseyoucouldn’t.”“Hedoesn’tknowaboutNick.”“Notgoodtactics.Iagree.”“Sotherehewas.”“Whathappened?”“Guinevereputhimout.”“No.”“Yes.”“Didheguess?”“Notanidea.”“AndthenNickcame?”“Yes,”saidMissLaFosse.“HefoundoneofPhil’scheroots.”“No!”gaspedMissDubarry.“Guineverehandledthattoo.Sheofferedhimanother.Shehadhimeatingout
ofherhand.”“HolyMoses!”breathedMissDubarry.“Andhefellforit?”“Thewayshedidit,”saidMissLaFossesimply,“you’dhavefallenyourself.”“Explain,”saidMissDubarryinaweakvoice.“Fulldetails.Nothingmissed
out.”MissLaFosseexplained.MissPettigrewtwittered,fluttered,blushed,made
littledisclaimingnoises.Herfaceshone.Shehadneverfeltsoproudofherselfinherlifebefore.Shehadthoughtnothingofitatthetime,butthewayMissLaFosseexplainedit,well,perhaps,afterall,shebadworkedamiracle.MissLaFosse’sobviousdelightinherachievementsentherintotheseventhheavenofbliss.Nick,itappeared,wasamuchmoreformidablecharacterthanshehadimagined,andthathadbeenbadenough.
“Whatawoman!”saidMissDubarry.
“Whatawoman!”saidMissDubarry.ShecameoverandtookMissPettigrew’shand.“Guinevere,”shesaidsimply,“thedisguisehidyouwell.”ShetouchedMiss
Pettigrew’sclothes.“Imadeamistake.You’rethegoods.”“That’swhatIthink,”saidMissLaFosse.Theylookedateachother.“IfshecandealwithNick…”saidMissDubarryweakly.“That’swhatIthought,”saidMissLaFosse.TheybothturnedandlookedatMissPettigrew.“It’sachance,”saidMissDubarry.“Noinstructions,”saidMissLaFossehastily.“Sheworksbetteralone.She’ll
thinkupsomethingwhenshegetstherightcue.That’sherway.Wemustn’tmuddleher.”
“Ofcoursenot.”“He’llbethere?”“Hesaidhewasgoing.”“What’sthetime?”askedMissLaFosse.“Ten-pastfour.”“OhLord!AndGuinevere’sstilltodress.You’retheverypersontoadvise.
Somethingthat’lldoforthisafternoonandtonightaswell.Sheneedn’ttakeoffhercoatthisafternoon.Wewanttolookasthoughwe’releavingwhenwearrive.YouknowwhattheOgilveysarelike.”
“Standup,”saidMissDubarryearnestlytoMissPettigrew.MissPettigrewstoodup.MissDubarryregardedherwithafrown.
“She’saboutyourbuild.”“That’swhatIthought.”“Yourthingsmightfit.”“We’llmakethem.”“Ohplease!”saidMissPettigrewinanervousvoice.“Ifyouwanttogo,
pleasego.Don’tworryaboutme.Icouldn’tintrudeonyourfriends.”“IntrudeontheOgilveys,”saidMissDubarryinasurprisedvoice.“IntrudeonTerence,”saidMissLaFosse.“IntrudeonMoira,”saidMissDubarry.“Theydon’tknowthereissuchaword,”saidMissLaFosse.“AslongasI’mnotputtingyouout,”saidMissPettigrewweakly,tooexcited
attheprospectoffurtherexcitementtostressherexcuses.“Butpleasedon’tletmebeanuisance.”
“Anuisance,”exclaimedMissDubarry,“whenit’syoudoingusafavour.You’vegottosaveme.Please,please,don’tforgetthat.”
You’vegottosaveme.Please,please,don’tforgetthat.”“Oh,Guinevere!”imploredMissLaFosse.“Youwon’tletmedown.You’ve
simplygottodosomethingaboutTony.”MissPettigrewsaidnomore.Whypleadagainstyourownhappiness?Shelet
herspiritssoar.ShesimplystoodandletelationpourthroughherlikeashotofNick’scocaine.Shedidn’tcarewhathappened.Shewasreadyforit.Shewasintoxicatedwithjoyagain.Pastquestioninganythingthathappenedonthisamazingday.ShewasbewilderedastowhatshehadtodowithTony,butthen,somanyoftheirremarkswereobscure,shesimplyletitpass.
“Wherearewegoing?”askedMissPettigrew.“ToacocktailpartyattheOgilveys’.”“Acocktailparty!”saidMissPettigrewblissfully.“Acocktailparty!Me?”“Whynot?”demandedMissDubarry.“Whynot?”echoedMissPettigrew.Herfacebecameoneshininglight.“Oh
women!”saidMissPettigrew.“Leadmetoit.”Theyledherintothebedroom.ShehadaquickbathwhileMissDubarryand
MissLaFosseconcentratedonMissLaFosse’swardrobe.SheputonsilkunderclotheslaidoutforherbyMissLaFosse.Shehadneverwornrealsilkunderclothesinherlife.Atoncetheymadeherfeeldifferent.Shefeltwicked,daring,readyforanything.Sheleftherhesitationsbehindwithherhome-madewoollens.
“Thepsychologyofsilkunderclotheshasnotyetbeenfullyconsidered,”musedMissPettigrewhappily.
Shecamebackintothebedroomlikeadebutante.Evenherlegs,quiteuncoveredbelowthelastshortfrilloflace,causedhernoblushes.
MissDubarrysatherinfrontofthemirror.“No,”saidMissPettigrewfirmly.“Ithinknot.I’dratherseethefinalresult:
nothingspoiledbywatchingtheintermediatestages,thankyou.”Theymovedherfromthemirror.Themostimportantmomentofthedayhad
arrived.“Theface,”saidMissDubarry.“Canyoudoanythingwithit?”askedMissLaFossenervously.“Withthattostarton,”saidMissDubarry,“I’lldoajob.”ShestoodawayandregardedMissPettigrew.Shewalkedroundher.She
cockedherheadononeside.Herbrowgrewcorrugated.MissDubarry,inherprofessionalguise,wasadifferentwoman.Nonervousness,worry,orindecision.Allgravity,firmness,competence:theexpertatwork.
“Lookatthatjawline,”saidMissDubarry.“Cleanasawhistle.Nomassof
“Lookatthatjawline,”saidMissDubarry.“Cleanasawhistle.Nomassoffattobemassagedaway.Lookatthatnose.Perfect.Youcandoalotwithaface…butanose!Thattakesasurgeon,andthere’snotmanywillriskthat.”
“Beautiful,”agreedMissLaFosse.“Whenyou’reoverthirty-five,”lecturedMissDubarry,“make–up;mustbe
sparing.There’snothingworsethanamiddle-agedwomanwithtoomuchmake–up;.Itaccentuatesherage,notlessensit.Onlyaveryyoung,unlinedfacecanstandthelavishemphasisoftoomanycosmetics.Theeffectmustbedelicate,artistic,thepossibilityneverstrainedthatitcan,afterall,benatural,sothatthebeholderisleftwonderingwhichitis,artornature.”
MissDubarrysettowork.MissPettigrewhadherfacepommelled,patted,dabbed,massaged;creamrubbedin,creamsmoothedoff;lotiondabbedon,lotionwipedoff.Herskintingled;feltglowing,healthy,rejuvenated.
“Well!”saidMissDubarryatlast,“it’sthebestIcandohere.It’snotlikemyownplace.Butyoucan’thaveeverything.”
ShelookedconsideringlyatMissPettigrew.MissPettigrewglancedbacknervously.Shefeltalittleguilty,asthough,somehoworother,sheshouldhavewaftedherselfintoMissDubarry’sshop,thoughitwasbeyondhercomprehensionthatanymorebottlesorjarscouldbeneeded.
MissDubarrytippedMissPettigrew’sfacetothelight.“Yousee.Ihaven’tblackenedtheeyebrowsandlashes.I’vemerelydelicately
darkenedthem.Wouldyousaytheyweren’tnatural?No.Youwouldn’t.”“Can’tbebettered,”agreedMissLaFosse.“You’reagenius,Edythe.”“Well,I’mprettygoodinmyownline,”acknowledgedMissDubarry
modestly.SheadmiredMissPettigrewamoment.“Now!”shesaidbriskly.“Thefrock.”“Areyousureyouwon’thavethegreenandgoldbrocade?”askedMiss
LaFossewistfully.“No.Iwillnot,”saidMissDubarryfirmly.“Muchtooelaboratefor
Guinevere.Shehasn’ttherightatmosphereforit.Notvulgarenough,ifyouwanttheexacttruth.Ifyouweren’tthekindofwomanwhocanwearanythingandlookright,Delysia,you’dhavenotasteinclothesatall.Guineverecan’tjustwearanything.She’sgottoberight.”
“Anythingyousay,”saidMissLaFossemeekly.“Theblackvelvet,”saidMissDubarry.Theyputiton.Forabreathlesssecondtheyhardlydaredlook.Butitfitted.
Notperfectly,butenoughnottonotice.“Ithoughtshewasaboutmyfigure,”saidMissLaFossewithasighofrelief.
“Ithoughtshewasaboutmyfigure,”saidMissLaFossewithasighofrelief.“Thankheavens,”thoughtMissPettigrewwildlyandextravagantly,“forshort
rationsandnomiddle-agedspread.”“Anecklace,”saidMissDubarry.“Somethingchasteandladylike.”“There’remypearls,”saidMissLaFosse.“They’renotverygoodones,but
whoknows?”“Theverything.”“No,”brokeinMissPettigrewveryfirmly.“Iwillnotwearanyone’spearls.
IshouldnotenjoyasingleminutethinkingImightlosethem.Thankyouverymuch,butno.”
MissDubarryandMissLaFosselookedateachother.“Shemeansit,”saidMissLaFosse.“WhenGuineveresaysnoshemeansno.”“Thejadeear-rings,”saidMissDubarry.“Thenecklacetomatch.Glittering
stonesarenotGuinevere’smediumofexpression.”MissPettigrewtrembledtowardsfurtherspeech,butMissLaFossesaid
hastily,“They’reonlyimitation.Youneedn’tworry.Arelicofmylesspalmydays,butEdythealwayslikedthem.”
Theywenton.“Andtonight,”saidMissDubarry,“shemusthaveaspray.Something
delicate,mainlygreenandcream,tocarryoutthecolourtouch,butonesingleflowermayhaveabrilliantcolour.Andrealflowers.Notartificial.Realflowersexpressherpersonality…somethingfreshandnaturalabouther.”
“Unspoiled,”saidMissLaFosse.“Andwithherbrains.”MissDubarryshookherhead.“Almostunbelievable,”agreedMissLaFosse.“You’dhavethoughtthedictatorialair.”“Notasignofit.”“ThankGod!”saidMissDubarry.“I’llchooseitmyself,”promisedMissLaFosse.“You’dbetter.Funny,howthesebrainypeoplesoseldomknowhowtolook
afterthemselves.Mindsmustbeaboveit.Noinsultmeant.”“Nonetaken,”saidMissPettigrew.“Andnow,”saidMissDubarry,“thehair.”SheletdownMissPettigrew’slocks.“Absolutelystraight,butthekindthattakesaperfectMarcel.Sometimesif
there’satraceofnaturalwaveitdoesn’tdosowell…oh!”MissDubarrylookedblanklyatMissLaFosse.“Youdon’tneedcurlingtongs.Yourhair’snatural.Youwon’thaveany.We’resunk.”
Youwon’thaveany.We’resunk.”“Wearenot.Ihave,”saidMissLaFossewithpride.“Yourememberthenight
MollyLeroylosthercurlsintheraincominghereandhaddragglyendsallevening,anditspoiledhernight…well,eversincethenI’vekeptapairformyguestsincaseofneed.AndIgotagadgetaswelltoheatthemwith.”
MissLaFosseproducedthewholeoutfitlikeaconjurerproducingarabbitfromahat.MissDubarrysettowork.
“Notimeforashampoo.Pity,butitcan’tbehelped.Fortunatelyherhairisn’tgreasy.Justafewloosewaves.Wehaven’ttimeforanartisticdressing.”
Hercleverfingersflew.MissPettigrewsatalmostunconsciouswithexcitement.Shehadnever,inallherlifebefore,interferedwiththesimplegiftspresentedbynature.“Why,”askedhermother,“attempttoimproveonGod’shandiwork?WillHebepleased?No.Hegaveyouthatfaceandthathair.Hemeantyoutohavethem.”MissPettigrewsatsavouringtothefullablissfulsenseofadventure,ofwrongdoing:adashingfeelingofbeingalittlefast:aworldlysenseofbeinginthefashion:awickedfeelingofguiltyecstasy.Sheenjoyedit.Sheenjoyeditverymuch.
“Finished,”saidMissDubarry.“Asideparting.Afew,loose,negligentwavesbackfromthebrow—theimpressionofbeingnaturalandjustalittlecarelesslydressed.Asophisticatedcoilatthenapeoftheneck—theideaofworldlypoiseforallthecarelessness.”
“There.”Shestoodawayfromherhandiwork.“MyHolyAunt!”breathedMissLaFosse.“Wouldyoubelievethathaircan
makesuchadifferencetoaperson?”“AmIready?”quaveredMissPettigrew.“Ready,”saidMissDubarry.“Fixed,”exclaimedMissLaFosse.“Asatisfactoryjob,”agreedMissDubarrymodestly.“Idon’tbelievemyeyesyet,”marvelledMissLaFosse.“It’sagoodsubject,”saidMissDubarry.Sheallowedenthusiasmto
overcomemodesty.“ThoughIsaysitasshouldn’t,I’mproudofmywork.”“CanIlook?”imploredMissPettigrew.“Themirror’swaiting,”saidMissDubarry.MissPettigrewstoodup.Sheturnedround.Shestared.“No!”whisperedMissPettigrew.“Yes!”chorusedtheMissesDubarryandLaFossejoyously.“Itisn’tme,”gaspedMissPettigrew.“Youintheflesh,”saidMissDubarry.“Youasmanintended,”encouragedMissLaFosse.
“Youasmanintended,”encouragedMissLaFosse.Thentheywerebothsilent.Thiswasasacredmoment.ThiswasMiss
Pettigrew’smoment.Theygaveitthehonourofsilentadmiration.MissPettigrewstared.Shecaughtthebackofachairforsupport.Shefelt
faint.Anotherwomanstoodthere.Awomanoffashion:poised,sophisticated,finished,fastidiouslyelegant.Awomanofnoage.Obviouslynotyoung.Obviouslynotold.Whowouldcareaboutage?Noone.Notinawomanofthatcharmingexterior.Therich,blackvelvetofthegownwasofsodeepandlustrousasheenitglowedlikecolour.Anartisthadcreatedit.Ithadthewicked,brilliantcutthatmadeitswearerlookbothdaringandchaste.Itintriguedthebeholder.Hehadtodiscoverwhich.Itsseverelinesmadeherlooktaller.Theear-ringsmadeherlookjustalittle,well,experienced.Nootherword.Thenecklacegaveherelegance.She,MissPettigrew,elegant.
Thatdelicateflush!Wasitnatural?Whocouldtell?Thatlooselycurlinghair!Noends,nowisps,nolankdrooping.Wasitherown?Shedidn’trecognizeit.Thoseeyes,somuchmorebluethanmemoryrecalled!Thoseartfullyshadedbrowsandlashes!Thatmouth,withitsfaint,provocativeredness!Wasitcoloured?Onlybykissingitwouldamanfindasatisfactoryanswer.
Shesmiled.Thewomansmiledback,assured,composed.Wherewasthemeekcarriage,thedeprecatingsmile,thetimidshyness,thedowdyfigure,theuglyhair,thesallowcomplexion?Gone.Goneunderthemagicof‘DuBarry’s’expertownerandmanager.
MissPettigrew,rapt,thrilled,transported,gazedatherselfasherdreamshadpaintedher.Alumpcameintoherthroat.Hereyesbecamemisty.
“Guinevere,”screamedMissDubarryinapanic.“ForGod’ssake,controlyourself.”
“Guinevere,”gaspedMissLaFosse.“Control,Iimploreyou.Yourmake–up;.Rememberyourdutytoyourmake–up;.”
MissPettigrewmadeavalianteffort.“Mostcertainly,”saidMissPettigrewwithdignity.“‘Englandexpects!’Iamquiteawarethatduecareisessential.”“Shoes,”saidMissDubarry.MissPettigrewtriedonapair.“Why!”marvelledMissPettigrew.“Theyareatrifletoolarge.”“Well,that’sablessing,”saidMissLaFossethankfully.“It’sbetterthantoo
small.We’llstopandbuyapairofsoles.”“Nowhercoat,”saidMissDubarry.MissPettigrewhadaterrifiedvisionofallhersplendourbeingeclipsedby
MissPettigrewhadaterrifiedvisionofallhersplendourbeingeclipsedbyhershabbybrowntweed.Butno!Shesuddenlyfoundherselfencasedinafurcoatsosoft,sosilky,soblissfullywarm,sheknewshehadneverknownluxurybefore.
“Oh!”gaspedMissPettigrew.“Oh!Ican’tbelieveit.AllmylifeI’velongedtowearafurcoat,justonce.”
“Nohat?”askedMissDubarry.“Noneofminearesuitable,”decidedMissLaFosse.“She’llhavetogo
without.Noonewillnotice.”Gloves,handkerchief,anewhandbag.“Ready?”askedMissDubarry,afteralasttouchtoherself.“Allset,”agreedMissLaFosse.“Let’sgetgoing.”Alastlookround:afinalinventory.Theyallmadeforthedoor.
M
CHAPTEREIGHT
5.2PM—6.21PM
ISSPETTIGREWfoundherselfwaftedintothepassage.Shewaspastremonstrancenow,pastbewilderment,surprise,expostulation.Hereyesshone.Herfaceglowed.Herspiritssoared.Everythingwashappening
tooquickly.Shecouldn’tkeepupwiththings,but,bygolly,shecouldenjoythem.
“Idon’tcare,”thoughtMissPettigrewrapturously.“Mydearmotherwouldhavebeenshocked.Ican’thelpit.I’veneverbeensothrilledinmylifebefore.Shealwayssaidbecarefulofstrangers,youneverknow.Theymaybeleadingmetodestruction,butwhocanpossiblywanttodestroyamiddle-agedspinsterlikeme?Irefusetocreditit.Idon’tknowwhythesethingsarehappening.Idon’tcare.They’rehappening.That’senough.”
“FeelingO.K.?”askedMissLaFossesolicitously.“Leadon,”saidMissPettigrewjoyfully,radiantly.“Taxi,miss?”askedtheporterdownstairs.MissPettigrewhadneverbeeninataxiforpurefrivolitybefore.Itwasthe
finaltouch:thegestureperfect.ShesatbackandwatchedtheLondonstreetsflypastherwiththesenseofbeinginadream,butaperfectlysensibledream.Nonightmareroundthecorner.Shedidn’tknowwheretheywent.ShehadalwaysbeenterrifiedoftheLondonmazeandhadneveryetlearnedtogetherbearings.Theystoppedandboughtapairofsoles.Theywenton.Theystoppedinfrontofahouse.Allthewindowswerelit.Theygotout.MissLaFossepaidoffthetaxi.Theyknockedandwereadmitted.NoonechallengedMissPettigrew.“We’reverylate,”remarkedMissDubarry.
Themaidledthemtoadressing-room.Therewerenootheroccupants.“That’sallright,Maisie,”saidMissLaFosse.“Weknowtheway.”Themaidleftthem.MissLaFosseandMissDubarrypowderedtheirnoses.“Comealongnow,Guinevere,”saidMissLaFosse.“Youmustpowderyour
noseagain.Itisn’tdonenotto.Lastgesturebeforeenteringaroom—powderyournose.Itgivesasenseofconfidence.”
yournose.Itgivesasenseofconfidence.”Withtremblingfingers,nervous,clumsy,contented,forthefirsttimeinlife
MissPettigrewpowderedherownnose.“Doyouknow,”shesaidhappily,“Ithinkyou’reright.Itdoesaddacertain
assurancetoone’sdemeanour.Ifeelitalready.”“Attaboy,”praisedMissDubarry.Theywalkeddownstairs.Frombehindacloseddoorcamehighsoundsof
revelry.SuddenlyMissPettigrewfeltqualms.Shestoodrootedtothespot.Stage-frightengulfedher.Sheforgotabsolutelywhatshenowlookedlike.Herglimpseshadbeentooshort.Shewouldneedsolidhoursofcloseconcentrationtogethernewimagesoakedin.Shesimplyfeltasshehadalwaysfelt:MissPettigrewpermanentlyseekinganewjob,nervous,incompetent,dowdyandshy.Shebegantoshake.Theywouldlaughather,stareather,makeremarks.Shecouldn’tbearit.Shecouldn’tfaceanymoreridicule.Shehadhadsomuchinherlife.
MissLaFosseandMissDubarryhadalsostopped.“We’rehere,”saidMissDubarryinaweakvoice.MissPettigrewstaredather.AllMissDubarry’sgayinsouciancehadgone.
Shelookedlimpasarag:drooping,nervous,moreterrifiedthanherself.Shewassosurprisedsheforgotherownnervousnessagain.
“Buckup,Edythe,”MissLaFosseimplored.“Youcan’tlethimsee.Everythingwillbeallright.She’sboundtothinkofsomething.”
TheybothturnedtoMissPettigrew.“Youwon’tforgetTony,”saidMissLaFosseurgently.“I’llpointhimoutwhenwegetin,ifhe’sthere,”saidMissDubarrywith
equalurgency.“Howkind,”thoughtMissPettigrew,touched.“She’ssofriendlyshewants
metoseeherformeryoungman,eveniftheyhavequarrelled.”“Ishouldlovetomeetyouryoungman.Thankyouverymuch,”saidMiss
Pettigrewearnestly.“There,”saidMissLaFosseproudly.“WhatdidItellyou?She’sthinkingof
somethingalready.”“Please…”beganMissDubarry.“Noinstructions,”beggedMissLaFosseagain.“Theyonlymuddlepeople.
Youmustletherdoherownact.It’sfarthebestway.”“Youwon’tforget,”saidMissDubarrywithalastdespairingreminder.MissPettigrewhadn’tthefaintestideawhattheyweretalkingabout,butso
manyoftheirspeecheswereoddandbeyondhercomprehensionshedidn’ttroubleherselfandtherewascertainlynotimetoquestion.MissLaFosseopened
troubleherselfandtherewascertainlynotimetoquestion.MissLaFosseopenedthedoor,andshewassweptin.
Sheblinked,dazzled.Theroomwasfullofpeople,menandwomen.Theirjumbledvoicesassaultedherears.Itwasalargeroom.Atthefarendwaswhatlookedlikeacounterandbehinditalotofbottles.Shehadverylittletimetogatherclearimpressionsbecauseattheirentrytherewereloudcriesandtheywereimmediatelysurroundedbypeople.MissLaFosseandMissDubarrywereobviouslypopular.
“Delysia.”“Edythe.”MissLaFossebeamed.AsurprisingtransformationtookplaceinMiss
Dubarry.Shelaughed,talked,joked.Nosignofdepressionorunhappiness.MissLaFossehadfirmholdofMissPettigrew’sarm.Shepilotedherround.MissPettigrewsaid‘How-do-you-do?’politelyto,shewassure,aboutahundredpeople.Noonestaredather.Noonelaughedather.Nohostessgaveherafreezingwelcome.Shedidnotknowforsurewhoherhostesswas.Shehadavagueideathatadreamywoman,inabrilliantscarletfrock,whosaid,“Delysiadarling,howgoodofyoutocome,”mightbeshe.Butthenanotherwomanindiaphanousgreensaid,“Delysia,mypet,howsweettoseeyou.”Sodoubtcouldenter.
Shefoundadrinkinherhands,placedtherebyacharmingyoungmanwithdark,wavyhair,acajolingvoice,andawickedtwinkleinhiseyes,butMissLaFossegaveanurgentshakeofherhead.
“Iwouldn’t,”shewhispered.“Imean,notthatdrink.That’sTerence’sown.I’llgetyouonemyself.Imean,Iwouldn’tliketohurtyourfeelings,Guinevere,butIdon’tthinkyou’reveryusedtostrongliquor,and,well,there’sTony,youknow,andthat’sverystrong.”
“Justasyouadvise,mydear,”saidMissPettigrew,flustered.“Iwouldn’tdreamofdoinganythingyoudidn’tadvise.”
MissLaFossebroughtheranother.“Now,”saidMissLaFosseinamoment’sbreathingspace,“wouldyoulikea
seat,and,ifso,where?Youmustn’ttireyourselfbeforetonight.”“Ithink,”saidMissPettigrewsimply,“Iwillstandjustoverthere,sothatifI
lookupIcanseemyselfinthemirroracrosstheroom.Pleasedon’tthinkthatpurevanitydictatesthiswish,thoughIadmitalittleispresent.Iamnotaccustomedtomyselfyet,andifIcanglanceupeverynowandthenmerelytoreassuremyselfofwhatIdon’tlooklike,itwillgivemetremendousstrengthandencouragement.”
andencouragement.”“Anexcellentidea,”agreedMissLaFosse.SheledMissPettigrewtothedesiredvantage-point.MissPettigrewatonce
tookasurreptitiouspeepatherselfinthemirror.Shegaveatremendoussighofrelief.Shestillretainedhernewpersonality.Therewaslittletodistinguishherfromanyotherwomanpresent.Verycarelesslysheloosenedherfurcoattoshowoffmoreofthevelvetgown.Shefeltsoelatedshedidn’tcarewhethershewasleftaloneornot.Shewasheretowatchandenjoyandremember.Thatwassufficient.Butshewasn’tleftalone.MissLaFossedisappearedafteratime,buttoMissPettigrew’ssurpriseothersimmediatelytookherplace.Infactaconsiderablenumberofpeopleinturntookherplace.Theyspoketoherpleasantlyandofferedherdrinks,which,ofcourse,sherefused,andseemedtoregardherwithdeference.MissPettigrewgrewmoreelatedandmoreexcitedeveryminute.Shecouldn’tunderstandit.Sheseemedtobeholdingquitealittlecourtofherown.Shedidn’tfindconversationatalldifficult,asshehaddreaded.Shemerelyagreedwithwhatanyonesaidtoherandsmiled,andtheyatoncelookedgratified.Ifshedidventurearemarkofherowntheytookitwithsuchalookofwonderingadmirationshebegantothinkshehadneverbeforehadachancetotestherconversationalpowerstothefull.
Shelaughedsomuchandshookherheadsomuch,everynowandthenshewassureshewasbecominguntidyanddishevelledandalittledisordered.Then,allshehadtodowastakeapeepatherselfinthemirroratoncetobereassured.NoMissPettigrew,governess,staredbackather,butastrangelady,whosedisarrayhadadistinctiveandbecomingcharm.
Andstillpeoplecameforalittlefriendlyintercourse.ShewashappilyinnocentofMissLaFosse’schattering.MissLaFossecouldn’tkeepagoodthingtoherself.Detailscouldnotbegiven,butabriefsketch,ofanimaginaryincident,couldn’tberesisted.
“Yes,”saidMissLaFosse.“ThemostbrilliantmimicI’veeverseeninmylife.”
“Goodparty,”saidReggieCarteret,varietystar,toFlorenceSomers,vaudevillebeauty.
“Moiracertainlydrawsthecrowds,”agreedMissSomers.“Who’sthelady?”askedReggie.“MissPettigrew.”“Don’tthinkwe’vemet.”“What?”Withassumedcondescension,“NeverseenhertakeoffMrs.
Brummegan?”“Mrs.Brummegan?”
“Mrs.Brummegan?”“Mrs.Brummegan.”“Neverheardofher.”“NeverheardofMrs.Brummegan?”“No.”Anxiously,“ShouldI?”“Youcertainlyshould.”“ThenI’dbetter.”“Can’taffordnottobeintheknowthesedays,”agreedMissSomers.“You’reright.Doesn’tpay.”“Well,bye-bye,”saidMissSomers.“There’sCharlie.Seeyouanon.”“Goodparty,”saidReggieCarterettoMauriceDins-more,superiorjuvenile
lead.“Prettyfair,”saidMauricecarelessly.“Theycertainlyalwaysmanagetogetthenewcelebrities.”“Celebrity!Who?”“MissPettigrew.”“MissPettigrew?”“NeverseenhertakeoffMrs.Brummegan?”incredulously.“Mrs.Brummegan?”“SurelyyouknowMrs.Brummegan?”“Oh…ah!Yes.Cometothinkofit,Ibelievewe’vemet.AttheDesmonds,
wasn’tit?”“Probably.”“MissPettigrewdoherwell?”“Brilliantmimic.KnockspotsoffDoraDelaney.”“Youdon’tsayso.”“Umm…don’tbreatheaword,butIbelievePhilGoldberg’sgoingtoback
her.She’safriendofDelysia’sandDelysia’sgotGoldberg…likethat.”“GoodLord!”saidMaurice.“Fact.FriendofGoldberg’s,well,whowouldn’twanttoknowher?”“Whowouldn’t?”agreedMaurice.Hehastenedaway.“Ah!Hello,Eveline,”saidMauricetohismoresuperiorladyjuvenilelead.“Howdy,Maurice.”“Metthelady?”“Whatlady?”“Mydeargirl,surelyyouknowher.”“Knowwho?”
“Knowwho?”“MissPettigrew.”“Oh…ah…MissPettigrew.”“Futurestar.”“Oh…er.Cometothinkofit,IbelieveIhavereadnotices.”“NeverseenherdoMrs.Brummegan?”“Mrs.Brummegan?”“Sure,”condescendingly.“You’veheardofMrs.Brummegan?”“Oh…er.Yes.SureI’veheard.SoshedoesMrs.Brummegan?”“Raisedtheroofintheprovinces,Iunderstand.”“Oh.Theprovinces!”morecoldly.“Londonnext,”blandly.“London?”“Sure.PhilGoldberg’sbehindher.Comedystarofhisnewrevue.Sharing
honourswithDelysiaLaFosse.”“Why,nowyoumentionit,IbelieveIheard,”agreedMissSomers.“Younevercantell.Nobodyoneday.QueenofLondonthenext.”“Ah,yes.ThinkI’llhaveawordwithher.”MissPettigrewreceivedthemall:eyesshining,faceradiant,hairloosening—
butveryartistically,stillinMissDubarry’swaves.Ear-ringstwinklingwithworldlysophistication:cheeksnowdevelopinganaturalflush:bosomheavingwithsomuchexcitement.
MissLaFossetouchedherarm.MissPettigrewturnedfromherlatestadmirer.“That’sTony,”whisperedMissLaFosse.MissPettigrewlooked;anaverage-sizedyoungman,withbrown,untidyhair,
hot,smoulderingeyes,andsomethingruggedandstubbornabouthisface.“Oh!”thoughtMissPettigrewinrelief.“Aniceface.Iexpected…I
expected…aloungelizard.Justshowshowyoucanmisjudgeagirl’sappearance.”
MissDubarryandTonyhadhadameeting.“Howdy,Tony?”saidMissDubarryairily.“Grandparty,”saidTonyequably.MissDubarrypassedon.Theywereverycoolandpoisedaboutit,very
modernandnonchalant.Afterthattheyavoidedeachother.MissDubarrywasfulloflifeinonecorner.Tonyfulloflifeinanother.
“Ah!”thoughtMissPettigrew.“Veryconsciousofeachother.Showingoff.Ohdear,whatapity!Showstheycareforeachother.”
LaterMissDubarrycameup.“That’sTony,”shewhispered.
“That’sTony,”shewhispered.“Iknow,”agreedMissPettigrew.ShelookedatMissDubarry.Tonywasn’tlookingtheirwayandMiss
Dubarrylethergazerestonhim.ForabriefflashMissPettigrewthoughtsheglimpsedasicklookinhereyes,thenTonyturnedandMissDubarrywaslaughingwithsomeoneelse.
SuddenlyMissPettigrewwasnotsointerestedinthepeopleroundher.Afterall,theywerestrangers,butMissDubarrywasherfriend.Shecouldn’tfeelsohappyagain,knowinghowMissDubarryfelt.
Sheedgedawayandfoundacornerbyherselfattheendofthebar.Shediscoveredahighstoolandsatdown.
“Ohdear!”thoughtMissPettigrewsadly.“Idohopethatyoungmancomestohissenses.Ican’tbearMissDubarrytobeunhappylikethat.Oneisyoungforsolittleatime.”
MissLaFossecameup.“Guinevere,”saidMissLaFosse,“meetTony,apalofmine.”“How-do-you-do?”saidMissPettigrew.“How-do-you-do?”saidTony.“Haveaconfab,”saidMissLaFossecheerfully.Shedisappeared.“Fetchyouadrink,”offeredTonyamiably.“Thanks,”saidMissPettigrewthoughtfully,“IthinkIwill.”“Ihavehadtwoalready,”thoughtMissPettigrewjudiciously,“andfeelnoill
effects.Onemorecandonoharmandanaffirmativeanswerseemstoimpressthemagreatdealmore.”
Tonyeyedhercritically.Helikedtothinkhewasanicejudgeofawoman.Henotedtheslytwinkleoftheear-rings,thesleekcutofthegown.Hejudgedaccordingly.
“Snake’sVenom?”“Oh…er.Isit?Yesofcourse,”saidMissPettigrew,somewhattakenaback.Tonybroughtadrink.MissPettigrewdranknearlyhalfinagulp.Tonyeyed
heradmiringly.ForawildmomentMissPettigrewwonderedwhetheritreallyhadbeenpoison.Shesatperfectlystillinherchair.Shedidn’tdaremove.Firerandownherthroat.Theroomheaved.Herchairswayed.Hereyesplayedtricks.Theneverythingsettled.Theroomwasnotmoving.Herchairwasquitestationary.Shewasstillseatedsafelyuponit.Shemadeatentativemovement.Shecouldstillretainherbalance.MissPettigrewbeamed.
Shefeltgrand.Shefeltbrimmingwithauthorityandassurance.Itwasamarvelloussensation.Shethoughtscornfullyofherformertimidself.Afutile
marvelloussensation.Shethoughtscornfullyofherformertimidself.Afutilecreature!Fear!Hadsheonceknownfear?Impossible.Shefeltsurgingwithpugnaciousintentions.Shewantedtodobattlewithsomeoneforthesheersakeofdowningthemgloriouslyandprovingherpowers.Sheeyedtheroomwiththelightofbattleinhergaze.Whowouldofferhercombat?
Tonywasstandingverysubmissivelybyherside.Hedidnotseemtowanttoreturntothecrowd.HestruckachordofmemoryinMissPettigrew’smind.ShesawthathiseyesfollowedMissDubarrywhenMissDubarrywasn’tlookingathim.Sheremembered.VeryslowlyandverycarefullyMissPettigrewstoodup.
“Ha!”barkedMissPettigrew.“Soyou’reTony?”Hestarted.“Sure.I’mTony.”“Iwantedtomeetyou.”“Verykindofyou,I’msure.”“Notatall.Stupidyoungmen,”saidMissPettigrew,“alwaysinterestme.”“What?”Tonygaspedinsurprise.“Stupid,”saidMissPettigrew.“Me?”“You!”“Oh!”saidTonyengagingly.“Ididn’tknowyouknewme.”“Toowell.”Helookedinterested.“Butwhystupid?”“Oh,youwouldn’tbeinterested,”saidMissPettigrewhaughtily.“Imerely
takeanacademicinterestinhearingofthefolliesofyoungpeople.I’mpasttheage,yousee,whenIcanbeayoungfoolmyself,sotheinteresthasnorepercussions.”
“What’sthatgottodowithme?”Tonyglared.“YouhappenedtobeoneIheardof.”MissPettigrewglaredback.“Who’sbeencallingmeafool?”demandedTonybelligerently.Hisfacebegantoglowerandhiseyestosmoulder.“Noone…precisely,”saidMissPettigrewwithcuttingmeaning.“Itwas
merelymyowninterpretationwhenIheard.”“Heardwhat?”“I’mnotatallinterestedingivingyoudetails,”saidMissPettigrewloftily.“I
merelyhappenedtothinkwhatafoolthatyoungmanwasandthoughtI’dliketoseehim.NowIhaveI’msatisfied.”
“Satisfiedwithwhat?”“Myinterpretation.”
“Myinterpretation.”“MyGod!”criedTony.Heglared.“Who’veyoubeentalkingto?Iwon’t
haveanybodygoingroundcallingmeafool.”“Youshouldn’tactlikeonethen.”“Me?”“Ofcourse,”saidMissPettigrewwithasurgeofpity,“it’snotallyourfault.
Youngpeopleneverhaveanydiscernment.Bythetimeyoureachmyage,you’llhavelearnedtoknowwhenpeoplearetellingthetruthandwhennot.”
“Idon’tneedtoreachyouragebeforeIknowwhenpeoplearetellingmethetruth.”
MissPettigrewsmiledcondescendingly.Tonywentredintheface.“Nowwhatareyougrinningat?”“Smiling,”saidMissPettigrewwithdignity,“andquitekindly.Butdon’t
mindme.Iliketohearyoungpeopletalk.Itamusesme.Howclevertheythinktheyare!ItmakesmegladI’vereachedtheagewhenit’shardtobefooled.”
“Noone’sfoolingme.”“Onlyyourself.”“What…”“Butthere!”saidMissPettigrew,nowbecomingcynical,“you’requiteright.
There’snothingtothislovebusiness.Whenyou’remyageyou’llrealizeitandbethankfulthatyoudidactintherightwayforstupidreasons.”
“Woman,”criedTonyfuriously,“ifyousayyourageandmyageagainI’lldosomethingdesperate.
“Butmindyou,”continuedMissPettigrew,“Ithinkthewoman’sjustaslucky.AsIsaidtoMissLaFosse,it’sagoodthingshe’sgotridofhim.Idon’tknowyourfriendverywell,butIdoknowwhenwomenaretellingthetruth.You’vegotto,inmyprofession.Childrenlieso.Onegetsasixthsenseforknowingwhenthey’relyingornot.”
“MyGod!”criedTonydesperately.“Whatthedevilareyoutalkingaboutnow?”
“Myprofession,”saidMissPettigrewwithdignity.“What’sthat?”“Iteach.”“Teachwhat?”“Children.”“OhLord!”saidTonyweakly.“Becalm,”heimplored.“Becool.Be
collected.Now…think.Whatarewetalkingabout?”MissPettigrewthought.Shepondereddeeply.Concentration,shediscovered,
MissPettigrewthought.Shepondereddeeply.Concentration,shediscovered,wasratherdifficult.Questionandanswer.Shehadaninspiration.
“Yourlatefiancéeofcourse.”“Edythe,”explodedTony.“Well,”saidMissPettigrewindignantly,confusingwhatshehadthoughtat
thetimewithwhatshehadsaid,“asIsaidtoher,whybotherwithayoungmanwhoisperpetuallymakingscenesmerelyforhisownenjoyment.Itgetsboring.”
“Idon’tcreatescenesmerelyformyownenjoyment,”saidTonyfuriously.“Well,”saidMissPettigrew.“Youcertainlydon’tthinkmuchofyourself.”“Holysufferingmackerel!Wherearewenow?”criedTonyindespair.
“What’sthatgottodowithit?”“Ohtut!”saidMissPettigrewforcefully.“Beyourself.Dowomenusually
forgetyouonceyou’reoutofsight?”“Theydonot.”“Nonsense.”“Nonsense.Nonsensewhat?Whatdoyouknowaboutit?”MissPettigrewlookedirritatinglybland.Hermindfeltbeautifullylightand
clear.Nothingtroubledher.Brilliantreparteesimplyleapedtothetongue.Thisyoungmanwasnomatchforher.
“Well,ifyouhadsuchaconceitofyourselfasyoumakeout,itwouldneveroccurtoyouthatanywomanwouldpreferanothermaninyourabsence.”
“Neithertheydo.”“Thenwhy,”demandedMissPettigrew,becomingindignantagain,“pretend?
It’sjustacowardlywayofgettingoutofanentanglement.Averycowardlyway,Ishouldsay.Oozingoutofthebackdoor.Distinctlysordid,”concludedMissPettigrewtriumphantly.
“Whatentanglement?Whosebackdoor?”criedTony,beginningtofeelliketearinghishair.
“Apaltrytale.Whydidn’tyousaybeforeyouweretiredandbeaman.”“Tiredofwhat?”“OfMissDubarry.”“I’mnottiredofMissDubarry.”“Well,goodgraciousme!”saidMissPettigrewwarmly.“Itseemsveryoddto
me.YousayyouarenottiredofMissDubarryandshesaysshe’snottiredofyou…well,really,whatisanoutsidertothink?”
“Who’saskingoutsiderstothink?”“Murderwillout,”saidMissPettigrewwithaglower.“Istartedbythinking
it.Istilldo.”“Dowhat?”
“Dowhat?”“Thinkyou’reaverystupidyoungman.”“Oh,youdo,doyou?”“Yes.Ido.”Theyglaredateachother.MissPettigrewhadneverbeensorudetoanyone
inherlifebefore.Suddenlysherealizedthis.Whathadshebeensaying?Shebegantofeelalittleflustered.Shediscoveredtheotherhalfofherdrinkstillinherglass.Sheswallowedanothergulp.Itranhotdownherthroat.Shefeltbetteratonce.Hedeservedallhegot.HehadhurtverydeeplyherdearfriendMissDubarry.Sherenewedherindignantglare.
“Afterthewayshecaredforyou.”“Oh!Shecaresforme,doesshe?”askedTonysarcastically.“Didn’tshesayso?”“Oh.Shesaidso.”“Don’tyouknow?”“Well,she…”“Ah!”saidMissPettigrewwithbrilliantsarcasm.“Youth’sdiscernment…”“Yes,shedid,”Tonyshouted.“Didn’tyou?”Tonyglared.Hegulped.Wentredintheface.“Yes,”saidTony,“Idid.”“Well,”saidMissPettigrew,“I’veneverheardanythingsillierinmylife.I
hopeshekeepsherpromiseandhasnothingfurthertodowithyou.”“Oh,shesaidthat,didshe?”“Yes,shedid,”saidMissPettigrewheatedly.“AndIfullyagreewithher.I
don’tliketobesofrank,butmyageallowsmealittlelicence.Aftermeetingyou,youngman,IthinkMissDubarrywillbemuchwisertofindsomeoneofamorestabletemperament,andmoresustainedpowerofthought.Marriageisaseriousbusiness.”
“Soyou’dmarryherofftosomeoneelse,wouldyou?”demandedTonyfuriously.
“That’swhatI’drecommend,”saidMissPettigrewwithequalanger.“I’mverygladshe’sfinishedwithyou.”
“Soshe’sfinishedwithme,hasshe?”“Hasn’tshe?”“Oh,hasshe?We’llseeaboutthat.”Tonyturnedandglaredaround.MissDubarrywassittingnearthem,quite
withinglaringdistance.Shehadedgedupverycarefully.MissPettigrewand
withinglaringdistance.Shehadedgedupverycarefully.MissPettigrewandTony,talkinginacorner,seemedfartooimportanttoherforhertoremainoutofreach.Shemustbeonhandshouldcircumstancesdemandherpresence.Theydid.
“Edythe,”calledTonyinalow,carrying,concentratedvoice.MissDubarrycameupnonchalantly.“Soyou’vefinishedwithme,haveyou?”saidTonyinalow,explosivevoice.MissDubarrydidsomerapidmentalgymnastics.Sheglancedsidewaysat
MissPettigrew.Somesubtleworkhadbeengoingonhere.Carelessnessmightruinsomething.Whenindoubt,repeatthequestion.
“HaveI?”repeatedMissDubarrycarelessly.“Soyoudon’tthinkI’mstableenough?”“Well,”askedMissDubarrycautiously,“areyou?”“Ha!”explodedTonyagain.“Soyouthinkyou’llmarrysomeoneelse.”“Well,”saidMissDubarry,stillwildlyfeelingherway,“Imean,I’mnotin
myteens.It’stimeIwasthinkingofsettlingdown…andifyoudon’twanttomarryme…”
“Soyouhopenevertoseemeagain,doyou?”“Oh!”saidMissDubarrywarily,“Iwouldn’tbesohardasallthat,Tony.
Thatwassaidintheheatofthemomentwhenyou’dhurtme.Idon’tseewhyweshouldn’tbefriends.”
“Friends!”saidTonywithanotherexplosion.“Friends!Soyoudidsayit?”“Well,yes,Isaidit,”agreedMissDubarryalittlenervously.This
conversationwasgettingdangerous.Shehadnoclue.Apityshehadn’tbeenabletogetbehindthecurtains,butthen,howcouldshehaveemergedwithdignity?
“SoyouthinkI’mthekindofmanyoucangetridofaseasilyasallthat,doyou?”demandedTony.
“Well,no,”saidMissDubarrywildly.“Imean…youalwayswereasucker.”“YoubetIam.”“Well,thereyouare.”MissDubarrycollapsed.“I’mgladyouagree,”saidTonybelligerently.“Womendon’tpickmeupand
dropmeastheythinkfit.”“Ofcoursenot.”“I’mgladyourealizeit.”“OfcourseIdo.”“Well,whataboutit?”“Oh!”MissDubarry’shearttooksuchawildleapshealmostexpectedtosee
itjumpoutofherbody.Herinstinctsweretoopenherarmswideandgather
itjumpoutofherbody.HerinstinctsweretoopenherarmswideandgatherTonytoherbosom,buthernativeguilesavedher.
“Oh,Idon’tknow,”saidMissDubarryhaughtily.“Nogirllikestobetoldshe’saliar,evenifsheisone,butwhenshe’sactuallytellingthetruth…”
“Ohwell.”Tony’seyessmouldered.“I’veapologized…butifthat’sthewayyoufeelaboutit…”
Hemadesignsofdeparture.“Tony,”wailedMissDubarry.“Edythe,”saidTonyinahuskyvoice.MissPettigrewstoodbeamingonthembenignly.Shehadverylittleideanow
whatsheandTonyhadbeentalkingaboutandtheirpresentremarkssoundedverycryptictoher,buttheresultseemedtopleasebothofthemandthatwasallthatmattered.MissDubarrylookedsohappyMissPettigrewforgaveTonyeverything.
Sheglancedroundtheroomalittleanxiously.Suchapublicdisplayofemotionwasatrifleembarrassingandonalady’sparthardlyquite…well,justhardlyquite.
Butnoonewastakingtheslightestnotice.Everyonewastalking.Noonelistening.TonycouldhavebeenmurderingMissDubarryinsteadofgazingatherwithsuchworshipforallanyoneintheroomwouldhavenoticed.MissPettigrewgaveamodestsighofrelief.
MissDubarryswunground.ShegazedatMissPettigrewwithwhatistechnicallyknownasastarrylook.
“Oh!”gaspedMissDubarry.“Youwonderfuldarling.”MissPettigrewlookedsurprised.MissDubarrygaveherahugandwhispered
inherear.“HowcanIeverthankyou?”MissPettigrewwasextremelypleased.Shequiteunderstoodareconciliation
hadtakenplace,butdidnotunderstandwhy.“Oh,mydear!”whisperedMissPettigrew.“Iwishyoueveryhappiness.”Regardlessofmake–up;,regardlessoftheimportanceofherappearance,
regardlessofthefactthatTonymightinadvertentlyseewhatshereallylookedlike,tearscameintoMissDubarry’seyesandoneortwoactuallyrolledover,leavingintheirtracksfaint,blacksmudgesofmascara.
“Oh!”gulpedMissDubarry.“Ilookasight.”“Youlookperfect,”saidTonyadoringly.“I’llhavetogotothecloakroom,”saidMissDubarryinafluster.“I’llcomewithyou,”saidTony.
“I’llcomewithyou,”saidTony.Theywentaway.MissPettigrewwatchedtheirprogresswithabenign,
maternal,indulgentgaze.“Thedearthings,”shethoughtsentimentally.“Justalittlelover’stiff.
Forgottenassoonastheysaweachotheragain.”Shegaveaverymildhiccup.“Tut,tut,”thoughtMissPettigrew;“indigestion.Imusttakesomemagnesia
tonight.”
M
CHAPTERNINE
6.21PM—7.25PM
issPettigrewwasextremelyhappy.Shefeltsodelightfullylightandairyshewasalmostsureshecouldmakethepassagetothedoorbysimplyfloatingthroughtheair.Shediscernedasmallportionofliquorstillin
thebottomofherglass.Shedrankitdown.MissLaFossewasgazingatMissPettigrewfromtheothersideoftheroom.ForthepastquarterofanhourallherinteresthadbeencentredinMissPettigrew’scorneroftheroom.ShehadnotedthelengthofTony’sstay.ShehadnotedMissDubarryjointhem.Hercuriosityhadreachedfeverheat.Thenanacquaintancehadblockedhervision,heldherinconversation,andwhennextshehadbeenfreetogaze,Tonywasgone;MissDubarrywasgone.
MissPettigrewwasstandingalonewitharakishair,faceradiant,eyesbeaming,hairalittleawry,anemptywineglassinherhand.
MissPettigrewwaslookingblissfullyhappy.MissPettigrewwaslookingtoohappy.MissLaFosseknewthatlook.Herheartmissedabeat.Herconsciencesmoteher.Guineverehadbeenontheloosealonetoolong.ShehadcompletelyforgottentowarnTonynottojudgeherfriendbythefurcoatandtheblackdress;amostreprehensiblelackofthought.Sheonlyhopedshewasn’ttoolate.
Shegaveadistractedanswertoafriend,rudelylefthimandploughedherwayacrosstheroomtowardshercharge,adubiouseyeontheemptywineglass.MissPettigrewgaveherabeamingwelcome.
“Guinevere,”saidMissLaFosseanxiously,“youhaven’tbeenimbibing?”“Imbibing?”“Thepinsaren’twobbling.”“Thepins?”repeatedMissPettigrew.Sheraisedherchinhaughtily.“Thelegs,”saidMissPettigrewwithmuchdignity,“areperfectlysteady.”“Demonstrate,”saidMissLaFossesternly.MissPettigrewwalkedtwostepsbackandtwostepsforwardagain.She
manageditwithcommendablesteadiness.“ThankGod!”saidMissLaFossethankfully.“Yoursuspicions,”saidMissPettigrewreproachfully,“hurtmedeeply.”
“Yoursuspicions,”saidMissPettigrewreproachfully,“hurtmedeeply.”“Nooffence,”apologizedMissLaFosse.“Mysuspicionswerenotofyoubut
ofTony.”“Acharmingyouth,”saidMissPettigrewsentimentally,“ifalittleerratic.But
yoursuspicionsareagainquiteunfounded.OnesmalldrinkonlywasallheofferedorIaccepted.”
“IknowTony’sdrinks,”saidMissLaFosse,stillgrimlydoubtful.Buthercuriosityovercameherworry.Shecouldcontainheranxietyno
longer.“Whereishe?”demandedMissLaFosseexpectantly.“Where’swho?”“Tony.”“Inthecloakroom,”saidMissPettigrewdreamily.“Oh!”exclaimedMissLaFossewithashockofdisappointment.“Where’sEdythe?”sheaskedhopelessly.“Inthecloakroom,”saidMissPettigrewsentimentally.“Oh!”criedMissLaFosseagain,excitementcharginghervoice.“Oh,
Guinevere,don’tsayit…don’tsayit…”“Saywhat?”“They’renot…together?”“Whynot?”askedMissPettigrew.“Tothepure,allthingsarepure.”“Oh,youdarling!”criedMissLaFosse.“You’remarvellous…you’re
wonderful…you’reamiracle.Howdidyoudoit?Didn’tIsayyouwould!Oh,I’msohappy!Ithinkyou’rethemostwonderfulwomanI’veevermet.Nobodybutyoucouldhavedoneit.TonyandEdythetogetheragain.”
MissPettigrewlookedworldly-wise.“Mydear!Allyoungpeoplequarrel.Itmeansnothing.Oncetheygottogether
again,itwasallquitesimple.Allthey…”“Ofcourseitwassimple…toyou.Nooneelsecouldhavebroughtthem
togetheragain.Youdon’tknowTonywhenhegetsabeeinhisbonnet…Ido.You’retheworld’smiracleworker.”
MissPettigrewgaveitup.Ifhercharmingfriendlikedtotalkinriddles,lethertalk.She,MissPettigrew,didn’tcare.Shedidn’tcareaboutanything.Sheonlyknewshehadneverfeltsodelightfullygayandirresponsibleinallherlifebefore.Letthemalltalkinriddlesiftheyliked.Ahabittheyobviouslyliked.Whatdidshecare?Nothing.
“Asyousay,”saidMissPettigrewbenignly.“Let’sgo,”saidMissLaFosse.MissPettigrewfeltastabofapprehension.Sheturnedawildlooktowardsthe
MissPettigrewfeltastabofapprehension.Sheturnedawildlooktowardsthedoor.Itseemedremote.Shewasabruptlyinvadedwithastrongdisinclinationtoattemptthepassage.
“Mydear,”saidMissPettigrewwithdignity,“ifyoudonotmindIwilltakeyourarm.Myheadisalittledizzy.Itistheheat,Ithink.Iamnotaccustomedtosuchacrowdedroomwithnowindowsopen.”
“Therenow!”saidMissLaFosseheatedly.“Iknew.Whatthehell’sTonybeengivingyou?YouwereallrightwhenIleftyou.I’lltakehisheadoffwhenIseehim.Heshouldhaveknown.”
“Oh!”gaspedMissPettigrew.“Please.Itisn’ttrue…itisn’tpossible…I’dnevergetovertheshame.Iassureyou,theheat.I’mpositivetheheat.”
“Therenow,therenow,”soothedMissLaFosse.“Ofcourseit’stheheat.Don’tgetupset.You’requiteallright.You’llbefinewhenwegetoutside.Theairinthisroomislousy.”
MissLaFossetookfirmholdofMissPettigrewandpilotedheracrosstheroom.Voicesassailedthemonallsides.
“Notgoingyet?”“Drunkyourfillalready?”“Thetap’sstillrunning.”MissPettigrewbeamedonthemallindiscriminately.MissLaFossefended
themoffwitheasyrejoinders.Theyreachedthedoorandescaped.InthepassageMissPettigrewstoppedandgasped.“Ohdear!Ihavefailedtothankmyhostessforaperfectlycharmingtime.
Whatwillshethink?Imustreturn.”“Notonyourlife,”saidMissLaFossehastily.“It’llkeep.Andinanycaseit
wouldn’tbefairtoshockMoira.She’snotaccustomedtoit.”MissPettigrewfeltagreatdealbetterinthecoolairofthepassage.“JustasIsaid,mydear.Itwasthehotairintheroom.”“You’vesaidit,”agreedMissLaFossewithatwinkle.“They’dtalkthehind
legoffadonkeyinthere.”“Ibegyourpardon,”saidMissPettigrew.“Hotair,”explainedMissLaFosse.“Oh!”saidMissPettigrew.Itdawned.“Hotair…Ohhowfunny!How
extremelyfunny!”MissPettigrewbegantolaugh.Shelaughedandlaugheduntilthetearsran
downherface.“Well,”saidMissLaFossecheerfully,“youhavehadoneovertheeight.”Butshefeltverypleasedhermildjokehadsuchanappreciativeaudience.
Butshefeltverypleasedhermildjokehadsuchanappreciativeaudience.Togethertheymountedthestairsinhilariousaccord.MissPettigrewrefusedfurtheraid.Shetookfirmholdofthebanistersanddrewherselfup.
Outsidethebedroomwhichwasbeingusedastheladies’cloakroomMissLaFossebeatatattooonthedoor.Thensheopenedit.
“Well,well,”saidMissLaFosse.“Domineeyesdeceiveme,oristhereamanpresent?Oh,shadesofvirtue,wherehastthouflown?”
“Cheeseit,”saidTony.“Delysia,”criedMissDubarry.Shewasnotidier,infact,agreatdealless
tidythanwhenMissPettigrewhadseenherdepartostensiblytorepairhermakeup.
“Edythe,”respondedMissLaFosse.Shesuddenlysmiledtenderly.MissDubarryflewtoherarmsandgaveherahug.
“Delysia.We’regoingtobemarried.”“No!”criedMissLaFosse.SheembracedMissDubarrywithequaljoy,then
firmlyremovedherfriend’sarmsandinsistedonembracingTonylikewise.Tonydidnottakeitamiss.
“Congratulations,youoldsinner.Whythedevildidyouwaitsolong?”Tonygrinned.“Ihadn’tthepriceofalicence.”“YoucouldalwayshaveborroweditfromEdythe.”“Well,”saidTonyseriously,“IthoughtI’dbetterwaitabitbeforeshowing
quitesoobviouslywhyIwasreallymarryingher.Imean,itwasnousethrowingawaytheshipforaha’porthofpatience.”
“Noneatall,”agreedMissLaFosse.“Therestraintdoesyoucredit.”“I’mgladyouappreciatemymanlycapabilities,”saidTonymodestly.“Oh,allofthem,”saidMissLaFosseearnestly.“I’llbegodmotherforthe
firsttwo,butafterthatIrefusefurtherresponsibility.”“Thethirteenthaswell,”beggedTony.“Itmusthavesomelucktocounteract
itsfatalnumber.”“Youdarling,”saidMissLaFosse.“Youcertainlydeserveanotherkissfor
that.”Shekissedhimagain.Tonyappearedtoenjoyit.MissPettigrew,bythistime,
wasbeginningtogethardenedtosomuchindiscriminateaffection.Nooneelseseemedtomindit,whyshouldshe?Shewasslightlypuzzled.Theatmospheredidnotappeartobequiteinkeepingwiththeoccasion.ShysmilesandblusheswerecompletelyabsentfromMissDubarry’scountenance,andanairofgraveawarenessofhisfutureresponsibilitydidnotmantleTony.Itwasverydifficulttogivevoicetoallthebeautifulandtendersentimentswhichsurelythemoment
togivevoicetoallthebeautifulandtendersentimentswhichsurelythemomentdemanded.Butshecouldcontainherselfnolonger.
“Oh,”brokeinMissPettigrewshyly,inaflutterofromanticenjoyment,“mayI…mayIoffermycongratulationsaswell.”
“Thanks,”saidTony.“Younglove…”beganMissPettigrew.MissLaFosseandMissDubarryswungtowardsher.Byacertainlookin
MissDubarry’seye,MissPettigrewknewshewasabouttodescenduponheragain.Shewasright.Shedid.MissPettigrewfoundthiswholesaledisplayofaffectionverybewildering,butextremelygratifying.Itwasnotatallinkeepingwiththerulesforagentlewoman’sbehaviour.Itlackedthatbecomingtouchofthe‘Englishreserve’soesteemedonthecontinent,butforonceMissPettigrewdidn’tcareadamnforagentlewoman’sreticence.
MissDubarryswoopedandgatheredMissPettigrewinamightyhug.“Oh,youdear,dearthing.HowcanIeverthankyou!”Tearsactually
trembledinhereyesagain.“Oh,Guinevere,”criedMissLaFosse,equallymoved,“whatwouldwehave
donewithoutyou?”“Icanneverrepayyou,”saidMissDubarryinaquiverofhappyemotion.“If
there’sanythingyoueverwant,cometome.Awrinkleremoved.Achangeofhair.Afreshface.”
“Whatthedevilareyoutalkingabout?”demandedTony.“Nothing,”chorusedMissLaFosseandMissDubarry.“Nothingformaleears,”saidMissLaFossekindly.“Apurelyfeminine
matter.”MissDubarrygatheredherwraps.“Seeyoutonight,”saidMissLaFosse.“We’llbethere,”saidMissDubarry.Thedoorclosedbehindthem.“Averydelightfulgirl,”saidMissPettigrew,“butalittlebeyondmy
comprehension.”“We’llscram,”saidMissLaFosse,“beforetherestpileup.”Theyleftthehouse.MissLaFossehailedapassingtaxiandbundledMiss
Pettigrewinside.Shestoppedataflorist’sandgotout.“There,”shesaidcheerfullyonreturn,“I’veorderedyourbuttonhole.Who
saidIhadnomemory?”“Oh,howkindyouare!”whisperedMissPettigrew,tearsinhereyes.“Afterwhatyou’vedoneforEdythe!”saidMissLaFosse.“What’sa
“Afterwhatyou’vedoneforEdythe!”saidMissLaFosse.“What’sabuttonhole?”
“But,”beganpoorMissPettigrew,“IassureyouIdon’t…”“Nodepreciation,”saidMissLaFosse.“Iwon’thearit.”TheyarrivedatOnslowMansions.Theywentintothebuilding,rodeupinthe
lift,walkedalongtoMissLaFosse’sdoorandMissLaFosseinsertedherkeyinthelock.
MissPettigrewhadastrangesensationofcominghome.Theafternoon’svisithadbeenanexciting,thrillingexperience,foodforthoughtformanyaday,butitwasnothinglikethefeelingasofcontentafteragoodmealwhichinvadedhertheminuteshecrossedMissLaFosse’sthresholdagain.Thesenseofsimplejoywassopoignantitwasalmostpain.Shewouldnotletherselfthinkoftomorrowwhenallthiswouldonlybeadream.Thiswastoday.
MissPettigrewbustledin.Sheturnedontheelectriclight:switchedontheelectricfire:punchedcushionstoplumpinvitation.Allthelightshaddeepcrimsonshadessothattheroomwasfilledwithacomfortable,red,glowinglookofwarmth.
MissLaFosseflungoffherfurcoat.“ThankGodforamoment’speace.”Shesankintoacomfortablechairinfrontofthefire.MissPettigrewtookoffherfurcoatandlaiditasidewithagreatdealmore
care.Theborrowedgowngaveheraluxuriousfeelingofimportance.Shecouldnothelpwalkingwithanewshowofdignity.Therich,blackvelvetcompelledasenseofmajesty.
“Sitdown,Guinevere,”saidMissLaFosse.“You’lltireyourselfout.”“I’mnotabittired,”saidMissPettigrewblissfully.“I’mmuchtooexcitedto
betired.”“LegsO.K.?”“Mylegs,”saidMissPettigrewwithreneweddignity,“werealwaysallright.
Myheadwasonlyalittlefuddledwiththeheat,thatisall.”“Haveityourownway,”saidMissLaFossewithagrin.MissPettigrewcameandsatbesideherhappily.Theelectricfiresentouta
glowofwarmthafterthechill,darkNovemberstreets.SheandMissLaFossewerealoneintheroomwithacomfortable,cosysenseofintimacy.Curtainsdrawn,doorsshut,chairsdrawnuptothefire.Shefeltitwasaboutthehappiestmomentinthewholeofamarvellousday.Butsheonlywantedittobeabreathingspace.Therewasagreatmanyyearsstretchingaheadofherwhichwouldbesimplypackedwithquiet,uneventfulperiods.Atthepresenttimepeacewasdecidedlynotherdesire.Quitethereverse.Somethingmusthappen
peacewasdecidedlynotherdesire.Quitethereverse.Somethingmusthappenagainsoon.Ifitdidn’tshewouldfeelcheated,butsurelythefateshadbeenfartookindtohersofartoturnroundanddeserthernow.Somethingwouldhappen.Shewouldbesensibleandenjoythisrelaxationwhileitlastedtoallowhertorecuperatebeforeeventsstartedhappeningagain.
“Idon’tknowaboutyou,”saidMissPettigrewdaringly,“butIcouldjustdowithanicecupoftea.”
“Oh!”saidMissLaFosse.“Theotherdrinkswereveryniceforachange,”saidMissPettigrew
earnestly,“andcertainlygiveonedelightfullyoddfeelings,butIalwayssayyoucan’tbeatareallynice…cup…of…tea.”
“You’requiteright,”saidMissLaFossekindly.“Ishallgoandmakeone.”“Sitstill,”saidMissPettigrewfirmly.“IfyouonlyknewhowI…howIenjoy
doingit…particularlyforsomeonewhoappreciatesit.”MissLaFosseallowedhertohaveherownway.MissPettigrewhurriedintothekitchen.Shemovedaroundinahappyswirl
ofbusydomesticity.ItwassodifferentworkingforMissLaFosse.Apangshotthroughherheart.Howblissfultoownaplacelikethisforoneself!Nevertoworkforanyoneelseagain:nevertositontheoutskirtswhileothersbaskedinthecentre:nevertobeignored,lookeddownon,disregarded.Shepushedthefeelingaway.Herdaywasnotyetover.Obviouslyitwasnotover.MissLaFossehadplannedforthenightaswell,orwhytheflowersfromtheflorists?
Theelectrickettleboiled.MissPettigrewmadethetea.SheputitonatraywithsomebiscuitsandcarriedittothewaitingMissLaFosse.
“You’requiteright,”saidMissLaFosse;“thisteaisdefinitelyrefreshing.”AboveherownfragrantcupMissPettigrewbeamedcontentedly.“Ialwayssay,anice,refreshingcupofteaandyou’resetupforhours.”“Whattimeisit?”askedMissLaFosse.“Nearlyseven,”saidMissPettigrew.“Ah!”saidMissLaFosseluxuriously.“HoursbeforeIneedchange.”“Iunderstand,”saidMissPettigrewwithcarelesssophistication,“thatyou
singatanightclub.”“That’sright.TheScarletPeacock.Nick’splace,youknow.”“Oh!”saidMissPettigrewwithforeboding.“Didn’tTonyandEdythelookhappy?”sighedMissLaFosse.Herfacetook
onadreamy,ruminatinglookofthefemaleripeforalittlemaleattention.MissPettigrew’sheartsankstilllower.
“Theculminationofalltrueromance,”saidMissPettigrewsternly,“is
“Theculminationofalltrueromance,”saidMissPettigrewsternly,“ismarriage.Unlessthethoughtofmarriageentersbothpartners’heads,youmaybesuretherewillbenopermanenthappiness.”
“You’requiteright,”saidMissLaFossemeekly.“AndIhope,”saidMissPettigrew,“youarenotcontemplatingmarriagewith
Nick.Ireallycouldn’tadviseit.”“Lordloveyou,no,”saidMissLaFosse,shocked.“Nick…married!He
wouldn’tbefaithfulfiveminutes.”“Icongratulateyouracumen,”saidMissPettigrew.“Hewouldnot.”“Buthe’sagrandlover,”saidMissLaFossewistfully.“Nodoubt,”saidMissPettigrew.“Allpracticemakesperfect.”“Hereachesmarvellousheights,”pursuedMissLaFossepleadingly.“Whatinterestsme,”saidMissPettigrew,“isthestayingpower.”“Oh!”saidMissLaFosse.“Yousee,”saidMissPettigrew.“Isee,”agreedMissLaFossesadly.“Timeyoudid,”saidMissPettigrewsternly.“Youdodampagirl’senthusiasm,”sighedMissLaFosse.“Onlywhennecessary,”retortedMissPettigrew.“You’regettingsostern,”saidMissLaFossewithatwinkle,“I’llbeafraidof
yousoon.”“Andverygoodifyouwere,”saidMissPettigrew.MissLaFossechuckled.“What’sinadrink!”“Oh!”MissPettigrewsubsidedinafluster.“Oh,mydearMissLaFosse…I
assureyou…youarequitewrong.Iwas…”“There…there,”soothedMissLaFosse.“Justajoke.Whataboutaspotof
dinner?WhatshallIorder?”“Dinner?”saidMissPettigrew.“Forme?Ohno,thankyou.I’mmuchtoo
excitedtoeat.Ishouldgetindigestionandpossiblyhiccupsagainandmynightwouldberuined.”
“I’mnotveryhungrymyself,”agreedMissLaFosselazily.“Shallweleaveitoverthen,andhaveabiteofsupperlateron?”
“Muchthebestplan,”concurredMissPettigrew.Shepouredherselfoutanothercupoftea.Thisinterludewasverypleasant,
butitwasgettingalittleprotracted.Somethingshouldhappensoon.ShehadonlyknownMissLaFosseforpartofaday,butsomethinghadhappenedthewholetime.Shesatwaitingforsomethingtohappennow.Shewouldhavebeengravelydisappointedifeventshadnotkeptuptostandard.Shewasnotabit
gravelydisappointedifeventshadnotkeptuptostandard.Shewasnotabitsurprisedwhenthebellrang.Sheleapedtoherfeetatonce,expectancyinhereyes,nervesattunedforbattle,murderorsuddendeath.MissLaFossemadepreparationsforuprising.
“I’llgo,”saidMissPettigrew.Butitwasonlytheflowers.MissPettigrewslowlyreturnedwiththepackage.“There,”saidMissLaFossewhensheopenedthebox,“theverything.”Asinglescarletrose,inanestoffeatherygreen,glowedwithabrilliant
colour.MissLaFossetrieditonMissPettigrew’sshoulder.“JustasEdythesaid,”exultedMissLaFosse.“Thatonetouchofcolour
againsttheblackgownandthegreenear-ringsandnecklacegivesjusttherightairof…of…!Perfect,”sheended,wordsfailing.
Shelaiditcarefullyonthetableandsatdownagain.SuddenlyasenseofguiltdescendedonMissPettigrew.
Alldayshehadacceptedbenefits,chatteredinequalitywithMissLaFosse,visitedMissLaFosse’sfriends.WhatwouldMissLaFossethinkwhenshediscoveredherrealmission?Noexcusetosayshehadtriedtotellher.Theyhadbeenveryhalf-heartedattempts.Obviously,hadshereallywanted,shecouldhavemadetheopportunity.TherehadbeennumerousperiodsduringthedaywhenithadneverevencomeintoherheadtotryandtellMissLaFosse.ConsciencesmoteMissPettigrew.
Shebegantotremble,tryingtopushawaythesmall,clearvoice.Shewantedtogowheretheyweregoingtonight,withapathetic,passionateeagerness.Shewantedtovisitanightclub,topartakeofitsactivities,tobeatonewiththegayworld.Simplyandhonestlyshefacedandconfessedherabandonmentofalltheprinciplesthathadguidedherthroughlife.Inoneshortday,atthefirstwinkoftemptation,shehadnotjustfallen,butpositivelytumbled,fromgrace.Herlongyearsofvirtuecountedfornothing.Shehadneverbeentemptedbefore.Thefleshpotscalled:themusicbewitched:densofiniquitycharmed.SheactuallywantedtotasteagainthewonderfuldrinkTonyhadgivenher,whichleftonewithsuchasenseofsecurityandpower.Therewasnoexcuse.Shecouldnotdenythatthiswayofsin,condemnedbyparentsandprinciples,wasagreatdealmorepleasantthanthelonelypathofvirtue,andhermoralshadnotwithstoodthetest.
Sheglanceddespairinglyroundtheroom.Thethoughtoflosingthislast,perfectfinishtoaperfectdayrenderedhersickwithdisappointment.ButshecouldacceptnofurtherkindnessfromMissLaFosseunderfalsepretences.Herconsciencehadbeentrainedtoorigorously.
consciencehadbeentrainedtoorigorously.ShecameandsatinfrontofMissLaFosse.“There’salittlematter,”beganMissPettigrewinahusky,quiveringvoice,“I
reallythinkweshouldgetsettledbefore…”“Ihadnomother,”saidMissLaFosse.MissPettigrewgaped.“Atleast,”amendedMissLaFosse,“therewasawomanwhobroughtmeinto
theworld.ButIdidn’tchooseher.Idon’tmissher.”“Yourmother!”gaspedMissPettigrew,shocked.“Shewasn’taverynicewoman,”saidMissLaFossesimply.“Infact,shewas
averyunpleasantwoman.Youknow,thekindthatsendsshiversdownyourbackwhenyouthinkofthem.Notgoodforchildrenatall.Averybadinfluence.Seeingyousittingthere,you’rejustthekindI’dchooseifIhadmychoice.Not,mindyou,”saidMissLaFosseearnestly,“thatyou’reoldenoughtobemymother.Iknowthat.Butthat’swhatIfeel.Youinspireconfidenceandaffection.I’mgladI’vemetyou.”
“Oh,mydear!”quaveredMissPettigrew.“Ican’tbearanymorekindness.No.Ican’t.I’mnotusedtoit.”
MissPettigrew’seyesfloodedwithmoisture.“Ifyouonlyknew…”shefaltered.Rat-tat-tat.Bang-bang-bang.Thump-thump-thump,thunderedsomeone’sfist
onthedoor.“There,”saidMissLaFosseinanannoyedvoice.“Whocanthatbe?Asif
theycouldn’tusethebellrespectably.SupposeI’llhavetoanswerit.”ButMissPettigrewwasonherfeet.Hertearshaddriedlikemagic.Shewas
electrified,galvanized,quiveringlikeahoundatthescent.Thatknockheraldednoordinaryvisitor.Conewasherconfession.
Shewasacrosstheroominaflash.Eyesbeaming,faceradiant,bodytensed,MissPettigrewflungopenthedoor.
“H
CHAPTERTEN
7.25PM—8.28PM
a!”thunderedaloud,masculinevoice.“Don’ttellmeshe’snotin,becauseIwon’tbelieveit.”
“Comein,”saidMissPettigrewecstatically.Thevisitorstrodeintotheroom:atallman,ineveningdress.Blackcoat,not
properlyfastened:silkhataslant:whitemuffler,floatingloose.Amagnificentbody,aruggedface,afighter’schin,apiercingeye,astormyexpression.AHerculesofaman:aClarkGableofaman.
Heflungoffhishat,toreoffhismuffler,castglovesonthefloorandglaredroundtheroomwiththequenching,thrilling,piercing,paralysingeyeofthetraditionalstronghero,butnot,likehim,silent.HisgazefastenedonMissLaFosse.
“So,youlittledevil,”hesaidfuriously,“I’vecaughtupwithyouatlast,haveI?”
“Ohdear!”saidMissLaFosse.Shedidnotevenrisetogreetherguest.Sheseemedfastenedtoherchairby
purefrightorshock,ordismay,oratleastsomestrongemotion,MissPettigrewdiagnosed.Strongemotions,however,atthemoment,wereMissPettigrew’smeat.Sherevelledinthem.ShegotreadytointerposeherbodybetweenMissLaFosseandapossibleassailant,butthelatestvisitorwhippedpastherasifshewerenotthereandtoweredaboveMissLaFosse.
“Well!Whathaveyougottosayforyourself?”“Noexcuse,”quaveredMissLaFosse;“noexcuseatall.”“I’mgladyou’refrank,”hesaidcurtly;“Iwouldn’ttakeevenabilious
attack.”“Ineverhavebiliousattacks,”saidMissLaFosseindignantly;“Inever
overeat.I’vegotmyfiguretothinkof.”“Standup.”MissLaFossestoodupobedientlywithaglimmerofsmilingreliefinher
eyes,buttoherown,andMissPettigrew’scompleteshock,theirateyoungmangraspedhershouldersandbegantoshakehersoundly.
graspedhershouldersandbegantoshakehersoundly.MissPettigrewstartedforwardwithacryofindignation;thenshestopped.
Shedidn’tknowwhy.Herewasastrangeyoungmanmaltreatingherfriendandshesimplystoodlikeastuffeddummyanddidnothingaboutit.Nordidshewantto.MissPettigrewgaspedatherself.Butquitesuddenlyshefeltthatthismagnificentyoungmanwasquitedependable,wouldneverreallyhurtMissLaFosseandthatMissLaFosseprobablydeservedallshewasgetting.Yes.MissPettigrewadmittedthattoherself.QuitefranklysheconfessedinherinnermostmindthatmuchassheadoredMissLaFosseshemustintruthfulnessacknowledgethatherfriendwouldbequitecapableofdoingsomedeedworthyofrighteousangerandobviouslythiswasacaseinpoint.Herwits,sharpenedbytheday’sadventures,wererisingtoamazingheightsofdiscernment.Theyleapedatunderstanding.FromthesmallscrapofconversationheardMissPettigrewdeducedimmediatelythatMissLaFossehaddonesomethingtotheyoungmanmeritinganger,forwhichshehadnoexcuse.Shehadadmittedthatherself.Thepunishmentthenwasonlyjust.Havingdealtwithchildrenallheradultlife,andwhat,afterall,wasMissLaFossebutagrown-upchild,MissPettigrewhadawholesomerespectforalittlerequisitepunishment.Shedecidedtoawaitevents.Plentyoftimetointerfereifitbecamereallynecessary.Firstshemustendeavourtograspwhatitwasallabout.
TheyoungmanceasedshakingMissLaFosse.“I’vebeenwaitingtodothatforthirtydays.Nowwhathaveyougottosay?”“Id…deservedit,”saidMissLaFossebreathlessly,butwithsurprising
meekness.Hegaveheragrimglance.“Sothat’sthestunt,isit?Youneedn’ttryandgetroundme.”“No…no!”saidMissLaFossehastily.Heloosenedhishold.“Becauseyoucan’tdoit…notthistime.”“I’mnottryingto,”saidMissLaFossehumbly.Hestoodback.“Ohyes,youare,butitwon’tworkanylonger.You’vemadeasapoutofme
forthelasttime.”“Oh,please,”saidMissLaFosseindistress,“don’tsaythat.Doanythingyou
like.Shakemeagain.”“Idon’twanttoshakeyouagain.”AsmileofreliefbrokethroughMissLaFosse’sagitation.“I’msoglad.Ididn’treallylikeit.”Hersmilebecamecoaxing.“Well,now
that’sover,aren’tyougoingtokissmenow?”
that’sover,aren’tyougoingtokissmenow?”“Ohno,mygirl.Idon’tshareanymore.”MissLaFosseraisedasudden,startledgazetohis.Heansweredherunspoken
questiongrimly.“Yes,I’mthrough.”“But…”beganMissLaFosse.“There’snomorebuts,nomoreevasions,nomoreexcuses.I’vefinished.
Youcanfoolmeonce,butnottwice.Idon’tstandthatfromanyman…orwoman.”
“Oh!”whisperedMissLaFosse.“I’monlylettingyouknow.I’madamnfooloveryou,andyouknowit,but
I’vegotlimits.You’vereachedthem.You’veplayedfastandloosewithmeforthelasttime.Youeithertoetheline…orIquit.”
Hislastwordsweregrim.MissPettigrewknewtheyweretrue.FeltthatMissLaFosseknewtheyweretrue.MissLaFossewentalittlewhite.MissPettigrewcameandsatdown.Herheartwashammeringwithexcitement.Shesettleddowntotheenjoymentofanewsituation,butkeepinghersensesalerttostepinanddoanyrescueworkshoulditbenecessaryandherpowerscapable.
“Well,”saidthevisitorgrimly,“I’mstillwaitingfortheexplanation.”MissLaFossecrumpledintoachair.“Oh!”wailedMissLaFosse,“Ifunkedit.”“Thankyou,”saidtheyoungman.“I’mgladtolearnyouropinionofme.”Heranhishandwithanangrygesturethroughhishair.Itwasverynice,thick
hair,smoothedbackinthemostcorrectmodernfashion.Notfair,notdark.Acomfortableinbetweenshade,whichleftamanaman,withoutcastinghimforablondherooraduskyvillain.Hewasnotexactlyyoung.Notinthetwenties.Perhapstheearlythirties,butallmen,underforty,wereyoungtoMissPettigrew.
“Oh,please,”imploredMissLaFosse.“Itwasn’tthat.ItwasjustatthelastminuteIfeltIcouldn’tgothrough.Oh!Ican’texplain.I’mterribly,terriblysorry.Idreadedwhenyoushouldcomeback.”
“Icanquiteunderstandthat,”hesaidcalmly.“Deliberatelytoraiseaman’shopes,‘tilhe’ssittingontopoftheworld,thensmash‘eminsmithereensforanewwhim,Isuppose!Itwasn’taparticularlycommendableaction.Ifyouhadn’tagreed…butyoudid.Thatmadeallthedifference.”
MissLaFossegavehimanotherpleadinglook.Suddenlyshebegantocryalittle.Thenew-comerfrowned,thenpouncedagain.HegatheredMissLaFosseinhisarmsandkissedher.Itactedmiraculously.MissLaFossegaveawatery
inhisarmsandkissedher.Itactedmiraculously.MissLaFossegaveawaterysmilethroughhertears.
“Inevermeanttohurtyou,”shegulped.“Ineverthoughtyou’dfeel…quitelikethat.”
“Stopmakingyoureyesredoryou’llblamemeforthatlater,”saidherkisserperemptorily.“Iknowyou’rejustdoingitforeffect.Unfortunatelytheeffectistellingonasusceptiblemale.I’llstopyelling,thoughI’mnotsorryIbawledyouout.I’ddoitagain,undersimilarcircumstances,onlytherewon’tbeanysimilarcircumstances.That,Ihope,isfirmlyinyourhead.”
Hisvoicewentalittlegrimagainonthelastwords.MissLaFosselookedathim.HelookedatMissLaFosse.Hebentandgaveheranotherkiss,thenputheronherfeet.Hefrownedatheramoment,thenturnedandgrinnedatMissPettigrew.
“How-d’you-do?Don’tmindourlittleskirmish.”“Notatall,”saidMissPettigrew.“Delysialikesanaudience.She’saccustomedtoit.Thetearswereforyour
benefittomakeyouthinkIwasabrute.”“Oh,please,”saidMissPettigrewinafluster,caughtbetweenloyaltytoMiss
LaFosseandsympathyforthisoddyoungman.“DoIlooklikeabrute?”“No,”saidMissPettigrew.“DoIlooklikeacannibal?”“No,”gaspedMissPettigrew.“DoIlooklikeawife-beater?”“Certainlynot,”deniedMissPettigrewindignantly.“There,”triumphedthenew-comer.“Whatmorecouldyouexpectinaman?
Notabrute,notacannibal,notawife-beater.Atestimonialfromyourownsex.Damnation,IthinkI’mtoogoodforyou.”
MissLaFossebegantogiggle.Shecouldn’thelpit.MissPettigrewsatupwithdelightedinterest.Thebigman’ssmilewasextraordinarilyengaging.
“Oh,please,”giggledMissLaFosse.“Dobehave.”“That’srudeness,”saidthevisitorindignantly,“that’singratitude.Thatcalls
forapick-me-up.Iwantadrink.GoodLord,woman,where’syoursenseofhospitality?Where’sthatadmirablegiftofatruehostess,anticipationofaguest’swants?”
“There’splentyintheback,”saidMissLaFosse.“I’llgetit,”offeredMissPettigrew.“You’lldonosuchthing.Icancarryabottle,can’tI?”Hebangedintoa
table.“MyGod,Delysia,whothedevilfurnishedthisroom,it’slikethe
table.“MyGod,Delysia,whothedevilfurnishedthisroom,it’sliketheseductionsceneinFromChorusGirltoDuchess”
“It’sverynice,”saidMissLaFosseheatedly.“Ichoseitmyself.”“Yourtasteisdeplorable.”Hechargedintothekitchen.Theyheardhimthumpingroundthekitchen,
clatteringchairsandtable,bangingcupboarddoors,rattlingglassesonatray.“Averynoisyyoungman,”saidMissPettigrewhappily.“You’vehitthenailonthehead,”agreedMissLaFosse.Suddenlyhowlsofragewereheardinthekitchen.“Oh!”saidMissPettigrew.“Oh!”saidMissLaFosse.Hisiratefaceappearedinthedoorway.“GoodGod,woman!”heroared.“HowmanytimeshaveItotellyouthat
Whiskey,W-h-i-s-k-e-y,isaman’sdrink?There’srumthere,there’sportthere,there’ssherrythere,there’seventhatdamn-awfulginthere,butnotonedropofwhiskey.Where’syoursense?Where’syourconsiderationforyourvisitors?”
“Ohdear!”saidMissLaFosseweakly.“Won’tanyofitdo?”“Itwillnot.AtthemomentIwantadrink.AtthemomentIfeelIneeda
drink.AtthemomentImusthaveadrink.Thatporterseemedtohaveanintelligentface.Iwon’tbeaminute.”
Hestampedacrosstheroomandbangedthedoorbehindhim.“Ohdear,”quaveredMissPettigrew.“That,”saidMissLaFossegently,“wasMichael.”“Michael?”gaspedMissPettigrew.“Michael,”saidMissLaFosse.“Good…goodgracious!”saidMissPettigrewfeebly.Shegropedforachairandsatdown.Ittookherquiteaminutetogatherher
facultiestogetheragain:banishherpreconceivednotionsofMichael:readjusthermentalattitudetowardsthemanintheflesh.Thenhereyesbegantoshine,herfacebecamepink,herbodyquiveredwithdelight.Shesatstraight.ShefixedshiningeyesonMissLaFosse.
“Oh,mydear!”saidMissPettigrewjoyfully.“Icongratulateyou.”“Eh!”saidMissLaFosse.“Whatabout?”MissPettigrewwasnottobedamped.Shewasnowapartisan,andthereisno
strongerpartisananywherethanamiddle-agedspinsterwithromanticideals.“IfIweretwentyyearsyounger,”saidMissPettigrewwitharadiantface,
“andcould,I’dstealhimfromyou.”“Wouldyoureally?”askedMissLaFossewithinterest.
“Wouldyoureally?”askedMissLaFossewithinterest.“I’vebeenworried,”statedMissPettigrewhappily,“secretlyworried,my
dear,thoughIdidn’tshowit,butithasgone.I’mquiteserenenow.”“Ididn’tthinkyoulikedMichael,”saidMissLaFosse.“Yourprevioustone
certainlygavemethatimpression.”“Ihadn’tseenhimthen,”apologizedMissPettigrew.“Itjustgoestoprovehowwickeditistoindulgeinpreconceivedideas.”“Andyourecommend…Michael?”saidMissLaFosseinsurprise.“Foryou…absolutelyright,”saidMissPettigrewfirmly.Allhertroubleshadfled.MissLaFosse’sfuturewasassured.Nolifewith
Michaelcouldpossiblybedull,obscure,frustrated.Afigforherridiculousfears.Hewastheperfectmate.MissLaFosse,marriedtoMichael,wouldcontinuetolivethegorgeous,colourfullifethatwasherdue.Whocouldimagineamediocreexistencewiththatyoungman?Allwaswell.Aloadhadbeenliftedfromherheart.
“Whitevelvetandaveilandorangeblossom,”saidMissPettigrewblissfully.“Oh,mydear.Iknowit’spresumptuousinsoshortanacquaintance,butifyouwillonlyletmeknowthedate,ifit’sthelastthingIdo,I’dliketogettothechurch.”
“Oh,Guinevere!”chuckledMissLaFosse.“You’regoingmuchtoofast.”Herfacesobered.Shefiddledwiththefasteningofhersleeve.“Itisn’tassimpleasallthat.”“Whynot?”demandedMissPettigrewboldly.“Hewantstomarryyou,
doesn’the?”“Hedid,”saidMissLaFossedubiously.“Did!”MissPettigrew’sheartsank.“Youtoldmehedid,”sheimplored.“Ihadn’tseenhimthen.”“What’sthatgottodowithit?”“Well.Yousawhowhewas.”“Yes,”saidMissPettigrew,“heseemedalittleannoyedoversomething.”“Ithinkhewasveryannoyed,”saidMissLaFosse.“If…ifIcouldbeofanyassistance,”saidMissPettigrewhopelessly.“It’sverycomplicated,”saidMissLaFosse.“Notagain,”saidMissPettigrew.“It’snotaveryappetizingstory.”“Icanbearit.”“Well,”sighedMissLaFosse,“I’dbettertryandexplainbeforeMichaelgets
back.Michaelwantedtomarryme.Hekeptpesteringme.TheninarashmomentIthoughtifImarriedMichael,I’dbesafefromNick.SoIsaidyes.He
momentIthoughtifImarriedMichael,I’dbesafefromNick.SoIsaidyes.Hegotaspeciallicenceandwearrangedtogetmarriedatonceataregistryoffice.ThenNickcamethatmorning…and…well…Ijustdidn’tturnup.Michaelwentonablindandwhenabobbywastryingtorunhiminforbeingdrunkanddisorderlyhesockedhimoneandgotthirtydays,nooption.Ithoughthemighthavecooledoffbeforehecameout,buthedoesn’tseemtohavecooledoff.”
“Ablind!”saidMissPettigrewfaintly.“Sockedhimone.”Hermindwasinawhirlofexcitement.BygivingtheclosestattentiontoMiss
LaFosse’sstory,shehadmanagedtoconstrueitcorrectly.ThroughheartbreakingdisappointmentMichaelhadgoneoutandgotdrunkandstruckapoliceman.Hewasagaolbird:adrunkard:amanwhohadcommittedthemostheinousofsinsundertheBritishConstitution.Hehadassaultedapolicemanintheperformanceofhisduty.Hewasbrandedforlifewithaprisonrecord.Heshouldatoncebeconsignedtothelowestdepthsofhercontempt.Butwashe?Hewasnot.HewentrocketingstillhigherinMissPettigrew’sesteem.Shethrilledattheverythoughtofhim.Hewasamanamongmen.Allhersympathiespouredouttohim.Whowouldnotexcusefollywhencommittedforlove?EvenMissLaFossemustbemovedbythispowerfulproofofthedepthofhisheartbreak.SheturnedwithquiveringexpectancytowardsMissLaFosse.“Hewasquiteright,”MissLaFossewassaying.“IwasonlypretendingIfunkedit.Itwasn’treallythat.Ifitweren’tforNickIthinkImightmarryMichael…thoughIdon’tknow,”saidMissLaFossedarkly.“Ittakesalotofthinkingabout.Whenyouthinkhow…”
“Oh,butnow!”brokeinMissPettigrewbreathlessly,“Imeannow…whenyou’veseenthembothonthesameday…whenyouseethere’snocomparison…surely…”
MissLaFossestoodup.Sheleanedherheadagainstthemantelpiece.“Youdon’tunderstand,”shesaidinamuffledvoice,“Istillfeelthesame
aboutNick.”MissPettigrewhadnowords.HowcouldanywomanpreferNickbefore
Michael,howeverfascinatingNickmightbe?Theonewasgold,theotherjustgilt.Butwhowasshetoadviseayoungladywiththreeloversallatonce,whenshehadneverhadevenoneinallherlife!Shemadeavalianteffort.
“Oh,butmydearMissLaFosse,”saidMissPettigrewagitatedly,“please,pleaseconsider.Michaelisaman.Nickisonlya…adisease.”
“It’snouse,”saidMissLaFossehopelessly.“Haven’tItoldmyselfallthatbefore?”
“DoesMichaelknowaboutNick?”askedMissPettigrewsadly.
“DoesMichaelknowaboutNick?”askedMissPettigrewsadly.“Heknowswe’refriendly,”saidMissLaFossecautiously,“but,well,not
quitesofriendlyasweare.”“Ishouldhopenot,”saidMissPettigrewseverely.“Whattheeyedoesn’tsee…”saidMissLaFossesententiously.“Quite,”agreedMissPettigrewwithabandon,withoutathoughtforherold
moralstandards.“Andnow,”saidMissLaFossegloomily,“IsupposeI’llhavetosaygood-
byetoMichael.”“Ohno!”saidMissPettigrew,almostintears.“Well,yousee,”explainedMissLaFossesimply,“I’veneverfooledmyself
aboutMichael,evenifhethinksIhave..Iknewallalongatimewouldcomewhenhesaid‘theend’.Iwouldhavetosayyesorno.It’scome.Youheardhim.Hemeansit.IknowMichael.Ohdear.Iknowit’sdoginthemangerish.ButIdidn’twanthimtogo.”
“Ohplease!”beggedMissPettigrew.“Couldn’tyousayyes.Onceit’soveryou’llneverregretit,I’msure.”
“Idon’tknow,”saidMissLaFosseagaindarkly;“there’sreasonswhy…”Michaelbangedonthedooragain.MissLaFosse’sreasonsremained
unexplained.Shehastilypowderedhernose.MissPettigrewopenedthedoor.“WhatdidItellyou?”askedMichael.“Thatmanhasintelligence.Alittle
tact.Alittlepersuasion.Asmallinducement,andimmediatelythenecessaryisproduced.”
Heplonkedawhiskeybottleonthetable.MissLaFosseproducedacorkscrew.MissPettigrewbroughtglasses.
“Saywhen,”saidMichael.“When,”saidMissLaFosse.“Soda?”“No,thanks.”“Stoutgirl.”MissPettigrewstoodbracedforadventure.“When?”askedMichael.“When”gaspedMissPettigrew.“Oh,come!”expostulatedMichael.“Quitpressing,”saidMissLaFosse.“Guinevere’srefined.She’snotlikeyou.
Shedoesn’tgoroundgettingdrunkandbashingcoppers.Putsomesodain.”“Ialwayswantedtotastewhiskey,”saidMissPettigrewhappily.“I’venever
hadit,ever,evenwhenI’vehadacold,asmedicine.”“Wherewereyoubroughtup?”commiseratedMichael.
“Wherewereyoubroughtup?”commiseratedMichael.“Sipitslowly,”beggedMissLaFosse.“Bottomsup,”saidMichael.MissPettigrewsipped.Shepulledaface.Sheslippedherglasssurreptitiously
onthetable.“Ugh!”thoughtMissPettigrew,disappointed.“Notwhatit’scrackedupto
be.Whymenwastemoneygettingdrunkonthat,whentheycangetareallycheappalatabledrinklikelemonsquash…!”
“Ifeelbetter,”saidMichael.Heputhisemptyglassonthetable,tactfullyignoringMissPettigrew’sfull
one.“Haveanother,”offeredMissLaFosse.“Havetwomore.”Michaelgaveheracalculatinglook.“Gettingmedrunk,mygoodwoman,willnotaltermysentimentstowards
you.Ialwayssoberupeventu-ally.”“Ididn’tthinkitwould,”sighedMissLaFosse,“butonecanalwaystry.”“Well.Quittrying.It’snogood,”saidMichaelcalmly.“NowIfeelaman
againwe’llgetbacktobusiness.What’stheanswer,yesorno?”MissLaFossewentalittlewhite.Shestoodlookingbackathim.He
continuedtogazeathercomposedlyandhereyesdroppednervously.Hedughishandinhispocket,foundacigarette-case,litacigaretteandstoodwaiting,blowinglongspiralsofsmokeintotheair.
“Tearsintheeyes,”saidMichael,“curlsdelightfullydisarranged,frockjustalittletoolow,mouthpatheticallyquivering,expressionchildishlyappealing,willhavenoeffect.”
MissPettigrewfeltherhearttighten.MissLaFossecaughtholdofthebackofachair.
“This,”saidMichaelgently,“isforthelasttimeofasking.”MissLaFosseflungahopelessglanceofappealatMissPettigrew.Miss
Pettigrewdrewadeep,quiveringbreath.“Don’tyouthink,”saidMissPettigrew,notplacat-ingly,notpleadingly,not
persuasively,butcraftily,inanimpartial,conversationalvoice:thevoiceofadetachedonlookermerelytakinganacademicinterest,“don’tyouthink,onsuchamomentousquestion,alittletimeshouldbeallowed?Allultimatumshaveatimelimit.Thefemalemind,unlikethemale,isnotgiventoquickdecisions.Aquickdecisionisoftenrescinded.Theypossessnoneofthatmalepridewhichmakesthemsticktotheirword.Timemustbeallowedthemtosettleonapoint.”
Michaeldrewinalungfulofsmokeandexpelleditwithasharpbreath.
Michaeldrewinalungfulofsmokeandexpelleditwithasharpbreath.“Ha!Perhapsyouareright.Asyousay,duewarningisalwayssupposedtobe
givenofanultimatum.IhaveperhapsledherfalselytoexpectIwouldalwaysdancetohertune.Infairness,noticemustbegivenofachange.Aweek.Aweekwillalwaysgivemetimetodisplayallmybestpointsandperhapsswayherintherightdirection.”
MissPettigrewletoutadeep,soundlessbreath.MissLaFosselostherexpressionofstrainandatoncelookedmorecheerful.
MichaelswungroundabruptlyandfixedasterneyeonMissPettigrew.“Youappeartobeasensiblewoman.Lookatme.”MissPettigrewlooked,withnodifficulty.“DoIlooksober?”demandedMichael.“DoIlooksteady?DoIlook
honest?”“Ohdear!”saidMissPettigrewinafluster.“MustIanswer?”“Youmust.”“Ohdear…well.Notsober,”saidMissPettigrewearnestly.“Notsteady,
but…buthonest.”“What?”saidMichael,takenaback.Hegrinned.“Woman,there’ssomething
toyou.”HecameandsatbesideMissPettigrewonthechesterfield.MissPettigrew
thrilled.“Woulditharmhertomarryme?”demandedMichael.“Itwouldbetheverybestthingforher,”saidMissPettigrewwithdecision.Michaelbeamedcheerfully.“Discerningfemale,”heexulted.“YouandIarefriends.Didn’tIsayyouhad
sense?”“Youmentionedit,”saidMissPettigrew.“Haveyouanyinfluenceoverthatridiculousmistakeshecallsamind?”“Idon’tthinkso,”saidMissPettigrewunhappily.“Ithoughtnot.Shehasn’tgotthesensetoknowwhenaninfluenceisgood.”“Oh,butshe’ssonice,”beggedMissPettigrew.“She’sadamned,irritatingwench.”“Butverylovely,”pleadedMissPettigrew.“Yes,confoundher,butnotthesenseofamouse.”“Butdoessheneedit?”askedMissPettigrewearnestly.“Abitofgreymatterwoulddohernoharm.”“ButIthoughtmendidn’tlikebrainsinwomen.”“Ido.That’swhyI’mdifferent,soGodknowswhyIpickedonher.”“Shehassense,”saidMissPettigrewspiritedly.
“Shehassense,”saidMissPettigrewspiritedly.“Thenwhydoesn’tsheuseit?”“Idon’tknow,”sighedMissPettigrew.“Becauseshehasn’tgotany.”“I’mintheroom,youknow,”saidMissLaFosseinherlovely,chuckling
voice.“Bequiet,”saidMichael.“Thistalkisserious.Wedon’twantfolly
intervening.”“Ibegyourpardon,”saidMissLaFossemeekly.“Granted.”MichaelturnedbacktoMissPettigrew.“YouandIunderstandthings.”“Ihopeso,”saidMissPettigrewweakly.“I’vehadalotofwomeninmylife.”“Oh!”gaspedMissPettigrew.“I’veenjoyedthem.”“Oh!”alittleweaker.“They’veenjoyedme.”“Icanimagineit,”fainterstill.“ButI’veneverwantedtomarrythem.”“No.”“ButDelysia.She’sdifferent.”“Obviously.”“Marriageisaseriousbusiness.”“Assuredly.”“NowDelysia’salittledevilandthere’stimesIcouldflayheralive,and
obviouslysheneedsalittlephysicalcorrection,butI’mtheonlyrightmantodoit.ButIfeel,whichIneverdidwiththeothers,thatifDelysiareallysaidyesandmarriedaman,she’dplaystraightwithhim.Ineverfeltitwiththeothers.”
“It’sthemoralityofmymiddle-classupbringing,”putinMissLaFosseagain,veryeagertojointhisinterestingconversationaboutherself.“Whenitcomestomarriage,agirlcansomehownevergetawayfromherearlierinfluences.”
“You’renotinonthis,”saidMichaelcrushingly.“Oh!”saidMissLaFossemeeklyagain.“I’msorry.”“Thenactasthoughyouwere.”Heturnedbacktotheconfused,shocked,thrilledMissPettigrew.“You’reaclosefriendofDelysia’s?”“Yes,”liedMissPettigrewwickedly.
“Yes,”liedMissPettigrewwickedly.“Well,tellhernottobeadamnedfoolandthatI’mthemanforherandnot
thatblack-haired,oily,knife-throwingdago.Don’tthinkI’mblind.”“He’snotadago,”saidMissLaFossefuriously.“Ifthecapdoesn’tfit,”saidMichaelblandly,“howdoyouknowwhoI’m
talkingabout?”“You…you…”criedMissLaFossehotlyandinadequately.“Hisgreat-great-grandfatherwasanItalianandbloodwillout.Youcan’tfool
me.”Michaeljumpedtohisfeetandglaredferociouslyround.“Hasthatblankety-blankCaldarellibeenheretoday?Icansmellhimamile
away.”“OnlywhenIwashere,”saidMissPettigrewhastily,connectingCaldarelli
andNickatonce.“Ha!Thenyou’veseenhim?”“Yes.”“Abounder.”“Iagree.”“NotGod’sgifttowomen.”“Decidedlynot,”traitorouslyagreedMissPettigrew,sailingherfluttersatthe
remembranceofNick’sdark,passionateglances.“Notfittobeinthepresenceofalady.”“I’mnotalady,”brokeinMissLaFossehotly.“No,”agreedMichael,“you’renot.Savemefromladies.Iusedthewrong
word.Iapologize.”“Iacceptit,”saidMissLaFossewithdignity.“Notfittobeinthepresenceofawhitewoman,”amendedMichael
insultingly.“Saferaway,”agreedMissPettigrew.“Whatdoesheremindyouof?”“Ice-cream,”saidMissPettigrew.“What?”saidMichael.Hisfacelitwithjoy.“Woman,”hecriedindelight,“youracumenismarvellous.Icouldonlythink
ofhimsingingmushysongstomushyseñoritasinmushyfilms.”“Buthowlovelyhewoulddoit!”thoughtMissPettigrewwistfully.“Ice-cream,”crowedMichael.“Marvellous.Caldarelli’sice-cream.Aperfect
association.”HeswungroundtowardsMissLaFosse.“Ha!”saidMichaeltriumphantly.“Caldarelli’sice-cream.Shepreferstheson
“Ha!”saidMichaeltriumphantly.“Caldarelli’sice-cream.Sheprefersthesonofanice-creamvendortome.”
“Howdareyou?”criedMissLaFosseindignantly.“YouknowNick’sfatherneversoldice-creaminhislife.Andyourfathersoldfish.”
“Fish!”Michaeljumpedtohisfeet.Heexplodedintooratory.Hestrodeupanddown
theroom.MissPettigrewcastnervouseyesonchairsandornaments.“Youcomparefish…withice-cream,”criedMichael.“Fishhasphosphorus.
Fishfeedsthebrain.Fishisnutritious.Fishisbody-building.Fishhasvitamins.Fishhascod-liveroil.Fishmakesbonnybabiesbiggerandbetter.Mengivetheirlivesforfish.Womenweep.Theharbourbarmoans.Youcomparefish…withice-cream.Andlookmeintheface.”
“Ohdear!”chokedMissLaFosse.“Michael.Dobehave.”Hestoppedandgrinned.“Becalm.Ican’tthinkofanythingelse.Idon’tthinkcastoroilcomesfrom
fishortheallusionsmightbecomemorelurid.”MissPettigrewblushedandlookedawayhastily.MissLaFosse’sgazefellon
theclock.Michaeltooktheglanceasahint.“Fixedfortonight,Isuppose?”“I’msingingattheScarletPeacock.”“I’llcome.”“Ididn’taskyou.”“I’llmeetyouthere.Ihaveadatewithanotherfemale—purebravado—but
I’llgoandcancelit.Notveryscrupulousconductandnotusualbehaviour,butcriticalemergenciesneeddrasticmeasures.IfI’veonlyaweektomakeanimpressionI’dbetterstartatonce.”
Hegatheredhat,gloves,scarfinastormofactivity.HecameacrossandkissedMissLaFosse.MissPettigrewwatchedwithvicariouspleasure.Hisfacewentserious.
“Nofooling,”hesaidquietly.MissLaFossecaughtherbreath.“Iknow.”HecameoverandgaveMissPettigrewaresoundingkiss.MissPettigrew
didn’tseehimgoout.Shesatbackdazedandbreathlesswithbliss.Thedoorbangedbehindhim.
T
CHAPTERELEVEN
8.28PM—12.16AM
heroomwasquietforaminute.MissLaFossestoodsoberlybythefire.Thenshegaveherselfalittleshake.MissPettigrewcameoutofdeepwaters.
“Well,”saidMissLaFosse,whosevolatilenatureneverremaineddepressedforlong,“Idon’tknowaboutyou,butanykindofexcitementalwaysstimulatesmyappetite.Whataboutaspotofdinnerafterall?It’spastmyusualhour,butwe’vestillgotheapsoftime.I’llordersomethingtobesentup.Weneedn’thaveeverycourse.”
Shereachedforthetelephone.ShewouldlistentonorefusalfromMissPettigrew,whoprotestedgenteellyshecouldnottouchabite.MissPettigrew’sconsciencewasworryingatthecost.Shehadacceptedsomuchalreadyfromhernewfriend.
“Nonsense,”declaredMissLaFosse.“You’llsoonfindyourappetitewhenthefood’sinfrontofyou.”
Shewasquiteright.WhendinnerarrivedMissPettigrewfoundherappetitehadmiraculouslyreturned.Noone,broughtuponthedeadlymonotonyofinsipidstews,tastelessmince,toughroastbeef,whichhadbeenMissPettigrew’slifelongdiet,couldremainindifferenttothekindoffoodinwhichMissLaFosseindulged.
Butthoughthedinnerwasdeliciousenoughtoexcuseanyoneforgettinganythingbuteating,MissPettigrewwasnottobedivertedfromhermainpurpose.SomehoworotherMissLaFossemustbepersuadedtogiveupNickandmarryMichael.Throughsoup,fish,roastandsweetthebattlewenton,MissPettigrewontheoffensive,MissLaFosseontheretreat.MissLaFossewouldresorttostratagem.Whenshefoundherselftoohard-pressedbyMissPettigrew’ssternlogicshewoulddeftlyswitchtheconversation.WithgreatcunningshewouldbegintellingMissPettigrewsomehighlycolouredanecdoteofhervariedcareer,andMissPettigrewwouldgrowsoenthralledathearingthisinsidedopeon‘Howtheotherhalflives’shewouldbemomentarilysidetrackedfromhermainattack.Butnotforlong.TheminutethestorywasoverMiss
fromhermainattack.Butnotforlong.TheminutethestorywasoverMissPettigrew’sgunswereatoncetrainedontheiroriginalobjectiveagain.
TimefledunnoticedandjustwhenMissPettigrewwasthinkingtriumphantlythatatlastMissLaFosse’sresistancewaswearingthin,MissLaFossenoticedthetimeandjumpedtoherfeetwithacry.
“Ohdear!Lookatthetime.I’llhavetofly.I’malltochange.It’safterelevenandIpromisedtobethereattwelve.”
Shemadeforthebedroominanaccessofenergy,butMissPettigrewwasnotgoingtoletherescapewhiletheywerestillalonetogethertocarryontheargument.
“MayIwatch?”askedMissPettigrewwithsterndetermination.MissLaFossegaveuptryingtoescape.“Sure,”sheagreedresignedly.“I’mapublicfigure.”MissPettigrewensconcedherselfhappilyinachairbesideMissLaFosse’s
dressing-table.MissLaFosse’srushdieddown.Theritesofdressingdemandedaslowtempoandshewasnotonetobeundulyworriedaboutpunctuality.
Shetookoffherfrock.Shewentintothebathroomandcameoutagain.Shechoseaneveningfrock.ShesmiledcheerfullyatMissPettigrew.Shehadquiterecoveredherformergoodspirits.Shesatdowninfrontofhermirror.
“Idooftenthink,”shesaidcheerfully,“thatthenicestpartisthegettingready.”
MissPettigrewforoncewasnottobeputoffbyenticingdigressions.“CannothingIsaypersuadeyou?”imploredMissPettigrew.“Oh,Guinevere,”saidMissLaFosse,“youmakemefeellikeanungrateful
pig.”“Idon’tcare,”saidMissPettigrewsternlyandcourageously,“Imustspeak
mymind.YouknowinyourheartofheartsNickwillnotremainfaithfultoyou.Somedayyouareboundtogetolder.Hewillnotlookatyouthen.Whenheisfifty,hewillstillogletheyounggirls.”
MissLaFossesighed.“Ohdear!Youdomakeitsodepressing.”“Whynottaketheplunge,”beggedMissPettigrew,“andriskmarrying
Michael?Youknow,”addedMissPettigrewcraftily,madlyflingingtothewindslasttracesofhonourandvirtue,“ifitdidn’tworkyoucouldalwaysgobacktoNick.It’snotasthoughyouwantedtomarryNick.”
“Oh,Guinevere!”saidMissLaFossewithagrin.“Iknow.”MissPettigrewflushedguiltily.“Youartfulsinner,”accusedMissLaFosse.“YouknowperfectlywellI
wouldn’tdare.He’dbeathelloutofme.”
wouldn’tdare.He’dbeathelloutofme.”“Mydear!”expostulatedMissPettigrew.“Aren’tyou…aren’tyoualittle
extravagant?”“Iwouldn’tliketobetonit,”saidMissLaFosse.“Butthere’ssomuchinitsfavour,”pleadedMissPettigrew.“Tryandput
Nickentirelyoutofyourmind.ThenwouldyoumarryMichael?”“Ah!”saidMissLaFossedarkly.“I’mnotsosureaboutthat.”“Butwhy?”askedMissPettigrew.“He’sgood-looking.He’sgotplentyof
money—atleastheseemstohave.Helovesyou.What’swrong?”“He’snotrespectable,”saidMissLaFosseearnestly.“Nothingcouldmake
Michaelrespectable.Awoman’sgottosowherwildoats,butwhenitcomestomarrying!It’saseriousbusiness.She’sgottobecareful.There’s…there’sthefuturegenerationtothinkof.”
“Oh!”gaspedMissPettigrew,utterlyflabbergasted,windknockedoutofhersails.
“Thereyouare,”saidMissLaFosse.MissPettigrewrefusedtobedowned.Sherose.Sheclaspedherhands.Her
facebecameearnest,imploring.“Iamimpertinent,”saidMissPettigrew.“Iamforward.Iamrude.Youwill
turnmeout.ButImustspeak.Ilikeyoutoomuch.Ican’tseeyouunhappyinthefuture.Thislifeyoulead.Wherewillitend?Please,pleasemarryMichael.”
“Dear,dear,”smiledMissLaFosse.“Youmeantoputmeonthepathofvirtue.”
“IfIonlycould.”“Isitsomuchthebest?”“Indeed,indeeditis,”beganMissPettigrew.Thenstopped.Shewasnotfifty
yet,butsomedayshewouldbe,withnohome,nofriends,nohusband,nochildren.Shehadlivedalifeofspartanchastityandhonour.Shewouldstillhavenohomeormemories.MissLaFossewouldreachfiftysomeday.Supposeshereacheditequallywithouthomeandfriends.Whatthen?Howfullwouldhermemoriesbe?
“No,”saidMissPettigrew.“Idon’tknowwhetheritisthebest.”“Oh,mydear,”saidMissLaFossegently.MissPettigrewraisedherhead.Shespokebreathlesslyinarush.“Ihavenever,”saidMissPettigrew,“beenlovedinmylife.Iwanttoknow.
I’vealwayswantedtoknow.Therearehundredslikemewanttoknow.IsItWorthIt?”
“Yes,”saidMissLaFosse,“tome.”
“Yes,”saidMissLaFosse,“tome.”MissPettigrewsatdown.“Iamolderthanyou,”saidMissPettigrew;“Iamastupidwoman.Ihaven’t
yourbrains,noryourbeauty,noryourcleverness.Idon’tadvisemarriagefromvirtueorcustom,butfromexperience.Ihavenofriends,nomoney,nofamily.Ionlywishtosaveyoufromthat.”
“Oh,mydear,”saidMissLaFosseagain.“Aslongasheiskind,thatisallthatmatters.Ihaveknown,”saidMiss
Pettigrew,“inmylifealotofgoodpeople,butfewwereeverkind.”“Oh,Guinevere,”saidMissLaFosse.“Nowthefirstone,hewaskindtoo,”saidMissPettigrewearnestly,“but,
well,mydear.Iwouldn’tadvisemarryinghim.Idon’tliketojumptoconclusionsbutIthinktherewasalittleJewinhim.Hewasn’tquiteEnglish.And,well,Idothinkwhenitcomestomarriageit’ssafertosticktoyourownnationality.”
“Certainly,”agreedMissLaFossedemurely.“AndNick—well,Nickwillnotmakeyouhappyinthelongrun.Ithinkyouknowthatyourself.ButMichael,well,Michael!”saidMissPettigrew,herfaceshining,“Iwon’tsaymuchmore,becauseI’vebeenveryforwardasitis,butI’venevermetayoungmanIlikedbetter.Andhe’sallEnglish.”
“Infact,”saidMissLaFosse,“whatyoumeanisMichael’smadeaconquest.”“Yes,”saidMissPettigrew.“Youdarling!”saidMissLaFosse.Shecouldrestrainherselfnolonger.She
leanedforwardandhuggedMissPettigrewandgaveherakiss.“I’llthinkaboutit,Ipromise.”MissPettigrewfeltquiteweakaftersomuchexpenditureofforce.“Ohdear!Idohopeyoudon’tmindmebeingsofrank.Ijusthadtospeak.”“Mind!”saidMissLaFosse.“Me?Didn’tItellyouIhadnomother.Noone’s
evercaredtolecturemebefore.It’sbeenlovely.Iwouldn’thavemisseditforworlds.”
Sheturnedbacktothedressing-table.MissPettigrewwatchedoperationswithintenseinterest.Sheshookherhead.
“Mydear,”saidMissPettigrew,“doyouthinkthatsomuchmake–up;is,well,lady-like?”
“Iactedaladyonce,”saidMissLaFosse.“Whenitcomestomarrying,havingalordasahubbycanhelpnoendintheprofession.You’venoidea.Hewasalord.Orabouttobeonewhentheoldmandied.Ialwaysgetabitmuddledwithtitles.SoIputontherefinedact.Iheardhedidn’tlikelipstick—helikedkissing.Youseetheconnexion.Hewasabitcarelessabouttracesandtheold
kissing.Youseetheconnexion.Hewasabitcarelessabouttracesandtheoldlordhadverygoodeyesightandamoralnature.”
MissPettigrew,steppingontheacceleratorofherworldlywisdom,thoughtshesawtheconnexion.
“Well,Iactedthelady,”saidMissLaFosse.“Nolipstick,nolegsshowing.Youknow.Aloofandkeepyourdistance.Noneofthecome-hitheraboutme.Isawhimnextweekwithabitchofawoman,alllipstick,legsandlust.”
“Mydear,”brokeinMissPettigrew.“Imean,well,youknow,thereareotherwords.”
“Thanlust?Well,teachmeaworse.I’mwillingtouseit.”“No,no,”saidMissPettigrew,blushing;“the—er—femaledog.”“Butshewasn’tafemaledog.Shewasamongrelbitch.”MissPettigrewthoughtdiscretionthebetterpartofvalour.Shewasstill
bewildered.ShethoughtMissLaFosse’sexplanationveryun-explanatoryandabitinvolvedandnotatallclear,butattherateshewasprogressingalongtheroadofdissipationshewasmuchmoreinterestedinthelordwhodidn’tlikelipstick.
“Whathappenedtothelord?”“Hemarriedthelipstickandlegs,”saidMissLaFossesimply,“whentheold
mandied.Ilearnedmylesson.”Sheappliedherlipstickthoughtfully.MissPettigrewnoddedprofoundly.“Isee,”saidMissPettigrew,“thereareverymanypointstolearnincollecting
ahusband.Myignoranceisabysmal.”“You’lllearn,”saidMissLaFosse.“Iamwillingtobecoached,”saidMissPettigrewwithcomplete
abandonment,“butmydaysofconquestarepast.”“Neversaydie,”saidMissLaFosse.Sheappliedalastdabofpowder.“There.That’sthat.Nowcomealong,Guinevere.Yourturnnow.Removethe
oldtraces.”MissPettigrewhurriedintothebathroom.Shecameback,skinshininglikea
schoolgirl.MissLaFossegatheredtogetherthematerialsforremovingtheshine.MissPettigrewtookherplaceinfrontofthemirror.
Alreadytherewasamildlookofdisarrayaboutherperson.MissDubarry’sneatwaveswerealloutofplace.Hergownwasalittlecrumpled.MissPettigrewhadscrubbedherfacelikeaminerfromthepit.Thatsubtleairof‘chic’hadvanished.Theblackvelvetgownhadlostitssophisticatedair.Itseemedtohavesetindefinitecrumples.
setindefinitecrumples.“Tut,tut,Guinevere,”remonstratedMissLaFosse.“Youarefallingto
pieces.”ShesettoworkrapidlytoreconstructMissPettigrewN°1backagaininto
MissPettigrewN°2.“It’snouse,”saidMissPettigrewresignedly.“I’llcomeapartagain.DowdyI
alwayshavebeenanddowdyIalwayswillbe.”“Nonsense,”disagreedMissLaFossesternly.“That’smerelyaninferiority
complex.Ifyoucanlookgoodonce,youcanlookgoodalways.Merelyalittlepractice.”
“I’llneverhaveenough.”“Don’tbepessimistic.”“Youcan’tturnasow’searintoasilkpurse.”“Youcanturnragsintopaper.”“Onegirl’ssmart,onegirlisn’t,”saidMissPettigrew,warmingtothe
argument.“Bothhavethesamefigure.Youdon’tknowwhy.I’mjusttheisn’tone.”
“Purenonsense,”saidMissLaFosse.“Tummyin,shouldersback.That’sthesecret.Ifyouwillwalkwithaslouchyourclothinggetsaslouch.”
ShecompletedoperationsonMissPettigrew’sface.ShefirmlyandsecurelyfastenedMissDubarry’swavesbackintoplace.ShepinnedtheredroseonMissPettigrew’sshoulder.MissPettigrewsmiledradiantlyatherreflection.
“ForthefirsttimeinmylifeIamenjoyingbeingwithmyself.”Shedonnedherborrowedfurcoat.MissLaFosseappearedinamagnificent
blackeveningwrapwithawhitefoxcollar.Shehastilycollectedgloves,handkerchief,eveningbag.
“Mygoodness,Idaren’tthinkhowlateweare!”Shesuddenlydevelopedanothercrazeforspeed.Shefledforthedoor.Miss
Pettigrewtrottedafter.Ifthesmallvoiceofconsciencedidpipeup,MissPettigrewturnedawickedlydeafear.Notthekingandallhishorsesandmenshoulddepriveherofherenjoymentnow.Shehadanexcuse.Eventshadhappenedsorapidlyalldayshecouldclaimshewasnotquiteherself.Shewasinastateofmentalexaltationandthatcoversamultitudeofaberrations.
ShegambolledafterMissLaFosse,naturalcolourdeepeningtheartificial,eyesshining,breathexcited.Shewasboundforadventure,theSpanishMainanightclub.Theverynamefilledherwithaglorioussenseofexhilaration.Whatwouldherdeardeadmothersayiflifecamebacktoherbody?Towhatdepthsofdepravitywasherdaughtersinking?WhatdidMissPettigrewcare?Nothing.Freely,frankly,joyously,sheacknowledgedthefact.Shewasoutforawild
Freely,frankly,joyously,sheacknowledgedthefact.Shewasoutforawildnight.Shewasouttopaintthetownred.ShewasouttotasteanotherofTony’scocktails.Shewasagentlewomanrankeroutonthespree,and,ohshadesofamonotonouspast,wouldshespree!Shewasouttoenjoyherselfasshehadneverenjoyedherselfbefore,andallthesermonsintheworldwouldn’tchangehercourse.Shewassetfordeepwaters,themultitudinousseastoincarnadine.
ShetrottedbeamingdownthepassageafterMissLaFosse.TooimpatientfortheliftMissLaFosseskimmeddownstairs,MissPettigrewnotafootbehind.Ataxisquealedtoahaltattheporter’swhistle.MissLaFosseturnedtowardsthedriver,butMissPettigrewmovedheraside.Radiantly,haughtily.
“TheScarletPeacock,”saidMissPettigrew,“andmakeitsnappy.”Theygotin.Theywentroaringthroughthelightedstreets.MissPettigrewsatupstraight
andstaredwithglitteringeyesoutofthewindows.NolongerwerethedampNovemberstreetsdreary.Fairysignsgutteredonbuildings.Magichornshootedinsistently.Palacelightsshedabrilliantglowonthepavements.Avalonhummed,throbbed,pulsed,quiveredwithlife.Bowler-hattedknightsandlusciousladieshastenedwithhappyfacesfordelightfuldestinations.MissPettigrewhastenedwiththem,thoughmuchmorearistocraticallythanonherowntwolegs.Nowshe,herself,hadadestination.Whatadifferencethatmade!Allthedifferenceintheworld.Nowshelived.Shewasinsideofthings.Nowshetookpart.ShebreathedAmbrosialvapour.
MissLaFosse,seatedbesideher,slim,graceful,poised,groomeddowntothelastwickedlittlecurl,washerfriend.She,MissPettigrew,spinster,maidenlady,dullnonentity,jobless,incompetent,wasboundforanightclub,cladinsplendour:paintedlikethebestofthem,shamelessastheworstofthem,upliftedwithecstasy.
“Oh!”thoughtMissPettigrewblissfully,“IthinkI’dliketodietonightbeforeIwakenup.”
Theyarrived.
A
CHAPTERTWELVE
12.16AM—1.15AM
tallbuilding,discreet,dignified,metMissPettigrew’sgaze.Shestared.Herheartfell.SheturnedreproachfuleyesonMissLaFosse.WasMissLaFosselettingherdown?WasthisaNightClub?Amodestlightglowed
aboveadoubledoor.ACommissionairebowedpolitely.“Awretchedevening,MissLaFosse.”“Itisindeed,Henry.”MissLaFossemountedthesteps.MissPettigrewfollowedmuchmoreslowly.
Thedoorsopenedandclosedbehindher.MissPettigrewgasped.Avisionofsplendourburstuponhergaze.Theywereinalargefoyer.Shehadasenseoflightandcolour,musicandscent.Atthefarendabroadstaircasemountedtoregionsabove.Womenwalkedbyingorgeouseveninggowns.Menattendedthemintheirsuaveblack-and-whiteuniforms.Allwasgiltandglitter,voicesandlaughter.MissPettigrewrevivedagain.Hereyesbegantoshine.Thiswaslikeanightclub.Thiswasasthingsshouldbe.Thiswasasthescreenportrayedthem.Adooropenedontheirleftandasurgeofmusicthrobbedfromthehiddenroom.Hernosebegantotwitchlikeahoundafterascent.
“Thisway,”saidMissLaFosse.“Leadon,”saidMissPettigrew.MissLaFossemountedthestairway.MissPettigrewfollowed.Thepassages
upstairswereequallysplendid.Nomereshowdownstairshidinginferiorityabove.MissPettigrewnoddedwithapproval.Thiswasthething.
Theypassedvariousdiscreetlycloseddoors.Theywentintotheladies’cloakroom.Richcarpets,shadedlights,glitteringmirrors,attendantshoveringtoassistthem.Theytookofftheirwraps,powderedtheirnoses,shooktheirfrocksintoplace,andwentdownstairsagain.Anattendanthastenedtoopenthedoorofdoors.Theypassedthrough.MissPettigrewfalteredandstopped.Anopenspace,withashiningfloor,surroundedbytables,methergaze.Atthedistantendthebandwassilent.Alloccupantsofthetableswerefreetostare.AsMissPettigrewgazedpanic-stricken,theroomgrewbiggerandbigger.Shemustwalkacrossthatimmensefloorthecynosureofalleyes.Hercourageoozedoutofher
acrossthatimmensefloorthecynosureofalleyes.Hercourageoozedoutofhertoes.
“Nowremember,”whisperedMissLaFosseurgently,“tummyin,shouldersback.Youwillnoticetherearemirrors.Iwillseatyoustrategicallyandanoccasionalpeepwillgiveyoupep.Youlookswell.”
Shemoved.MissPettigrewtookadeepbreathanddivedafter.MissLaFossesmiledatsomeoneatnearlyeverytable.Atnearlyeverytablesomeonegreetedher.Theycrossedtheentireroom,andatthefarend,neartheband,MissLaFossestopped.
MissPettigrew’skneesweretrembling:herheartpounding.Afurtherordealawaitedher.Thetablewassurroundedbypeople.Dozensanddozensofvagueblobsoffaces.Shemanagedtoproducethesicklysmileofastrangerbuttingintoagroupoffriends.Whatmadimpulsehadbroughtherherewhereshedidn’tbelong?
Herterrorsweregroundless,herfearswithoutcause.Shefocusedhereyesatlast.TherewasMissDubarrybeaming.TherewasTonygrinning.TherewasMichaelleapingtohisfeet.Certainlytherewereotherpeoplepresent.Butwhatdidtheymatter?Shewasamongfriends.MissLaFosse.MissDubarry.Tony.Michael.Therecouldbeathousandotherpeoplepresent.MissPettigrew’ssmilespreadintoarealoneofbreathlessjoy.
“Wherethedevilhaveyoubeen?”demandedMichael.“You’relate,”accusedMissDubarry.“We’dgivenyouup,”saidTony.“Waiter,”calledMichael.“Morechairs.”Theywereseatedatlast.MissLaFossedidalittleunobtrusivemanoeuvring.
MissPettigrewfoundherselfinclearproximitytoamirror.Shehadaquickpeepforreassurance,butshewasbeginningtolosetheneedforit.Shewasengulfedinfriendliness.ShehadTonyononesideofherandMichaelontheother.MissDubarryhadflungahastywhisperinherear.
“I’msohappy.It’sallduetoyou.Don’tforgetyourpromisetovisitmybeautyparlour.”
MissPettigrewdidn’tyetknowwhatallthesepassionatethankswerefor,buttheirspiritmovedhertojoy.Herfacebegantoshineagain.
FindingherselfsoclosetoTony,however,shebegantofeelovercomewithembarrassment.Shemadedesperateattemptstorememberwhatshehadsaidtohimduringtheafternoon,butshecouldn’t.Sheonlyhadadefiniteimpressionthatshehadbeenveryrude:notatalllikeherself.Shebegantogrowhotatthethought.Undercoverofthegeneralbarrageofremarks,sheturnedtohiminshydesperationandtouchedhissleeve.Tonygaveheracomradelysmile.
desperationandtouchedhissleeve.Tonygaveheracomradelysmile.“Oh,please!”stammeredMissPettigrewinalowvoice.“Thisafternoon.I’m
afraidIwasveryrude.Ican’tremember.ButI’msureIwasrude.Ihaveafeeling.Idon’tknowwhattosay.I…I’mverymuchafraidMissLaFossewasrightafterall.Itmusthavebeenthedrinkyougaveme.I’mnotaccustomedtoit.Itmusthavegonetomyhead.I’mdeeplyashamed.WhatcanIsay?Please,pleaseforgiveme.Ididn’tmeantoberude.”
“Rude?”saidTony.“Tome?”“Yes.”“When?”“Thisafternoon.”“Idon’tremember.”“WhenIwastalkingtoyou.”“Wehadamostremarkabletalk.”“ButIwasn’tpolite.”“Idon’tmeetanypolitewomen,Iwouldn’tknowifyouwere,soIwouldn’t
knowifyouweren’t.”“Oh,please,”saidMissPettigrewinagitation,“I’mserious.”“SoamI.”“Butyou’renot.”“Notwhat?”“Notserious.”“OfcourseI’mnot.”“Butyousaidyouwere.”“I’msureIsaidnosuchthing.DoIlookthekindofablokewhonever
laughs?”“Ineversaidyouneverlaughed.”“Youimpliedit.Never,”saidTonybitterly,“didIthinkIlookedlikeHenry.”“Henry!”criedMissPettigrewhelplessly.“Who’sHenry?What’sHenrygot
todowithit.”“YousaidIneverlaughed.”“Isaidyouweren’tserious.”“WhyshouldIbe?IhavenoWhiteShip.”“Oh,please,”criedpoorMissPettigrew.“Idon’tknowwhatyou’retalking
about.”“Andyou,”saidTonyinavoiceofbitterdisillusionment,“areaneducated
woman.”“What’sthatgottodowithit?”
“What’sthatgottodowithit?”“DidyouneverhearofKingHenrytheFirst?”“OfcourseI’veheardaboutHenryI,”saidMissPettigrewhotly.“Thenwhypretendyoudidn’tandleadtheconversationastray?”“Ipretendednosuchthing.It’syouwhowon’ttalksense.”“Senseaboutwhat?”“Aboutthisafternoon.”“Butweweren’ttalkingaboutthisafternoon.”“Yeswewere.”“Nowwait,”saidTony.“Let’sbeverycoolagain.Let’sbecollected.Let’s
gatherourthoughtswithcare.Whatwerewetalkingabout?”“Aboutmybeingrude.”“Thenwhy,”saidTonysimply,“bringinHistory?”“Oh!”gaspedMissPettigrew.Shestaredathimhelplessly.Tonygazedstraightinfrontofhim.Miss
Pettigrewstruggledbetweenbewildermentandindignation.Suddenlylightdawned.Shegiggled.
“Youngman,”saidMissPettigrew,“Ithinkyou’reteasingme.”Tony’seyesslidround.Theyheldatwinkle.“Titfortat,”saidTonyslyly.“Idon’tknowwhatyoumean,”saidMissPettigrew,“butIexpectithas
somethingtodowiththisafternoon.IsupposeI’llhavetoapologizeforitaswell.”
“An!”saidTony.“Nowyou’reatitagain.What’sallthisapologizingabout?”“Myrudenessthisafternoon.”“Whatrudeness?”“Notagain,”beggedMissPettigrew,“please,notagain.”“Allright,”agreedTony,“butyou’dbetterphraseitdifferently.”“Myconversationthisafternoon.”“Ienjoyedit,”saidTony.“Iwasoutofmydepth,butIenjoyedit.Ilike
originalityinwomen.Onemeetsitsoseldom.Noapologiesarenecessary.”“Areyousure?”pleadedMissPettigrew.“You’renotjustbeingpolite?”“WouldI,”askedTony,“beconversingwithyounowwithsuchamiability
andjoyifyou,asacompletestranger,hadgrosslyinsultedmeintheafternoon?DoIlookthetypetoforgetinsults?Iwarnyounow,ananswerintheaffirmativewilldefinitelybecountedasthefirstinsult.”
“That’sright,”agreedMissPettigrewmorehappily.“It’ssuchaloadoffmymind.”
“Friends?”saidTony.
“Friends?”saidTony.“Friends,”saidMissPettigrew,completelyhappy.“Thereisnownoneed,”pleadedTony,“tokeeptheconversationonsucha
highintellectualplane.”“Noneatall,”chuckledMissPettigrew.“ThankGod!”sighedTony.“Myhistoricalanecdotesarestrictlylimitedto
HenryIneversmiling,WilliamtheFirstlandingin1066andtheCrownbeinglostintheWash.Connectedinsomemannerbyjokeonceheard.”
“Well,”cameMissLaFosse’scheerfulvoice,“ifyoutwocanstopflirtingforaminute,Guineveremightliketomeettherest.Apologiesforputtingthedangerouswomanbesideyourman,Edythe.”
“Ohdear!”MissPettigrewturnedinaflusterandblushedforherrudeness,soontoforget
hermomentaryupsetinalivelyinterestintheotheroccupantsofthetable.Therewasastockyyoungman,withabullethead,fair,shorthair,brilliant,lightblue,waryeyesandanexpressionlessface.Helookedlikeanexplorer.Besidehim,veryclosebesidehim,wasagorgeouswoman.Shehadmassesofdeepauburnhairandgreatvioleteyes.Shewasnotplump,yetshegavetheimpressionofsoft,roundedcurvesandcomfortablehollows.ShehadanairofMonaLisa,theLadyofShalott.Allhermovementswereslowwithalazy,languidindolence.Shewasdressedinbrilliantpurple.Agreat,glowingemeraldshoneonherfinger.Besidetheotherwomen,soslim,modernandEnglish,sheseemedlikesomeluxuriousblossomfromanotherclime.MissPettigrewthoughtromanticallytheyoungmanmusthavebroughtherbackfromsomerich,tropicalland.
“Guinevere,”saidMissLaFosse,“meetJulian.Ifyouwanttomakeyourrivaltearherhairwithenvy,gotoJulian.He’lldressyou.Buthemakesyoupay.HehastostayfriendlywithmebecauseIowehimalotofmoneyandheknowsifhedoesn’tstayfriendlyIwon’tpay.”
Julian’smouthpartedandMissPettigrewhadaquickflashofwhiteteeth.“How-d’ye-do?”saidJulianbriefly.“Heneversaysmuch,”explainedMissLaFosse.“Hesimplysitsand
undresseseverynew-comerinhismindandthenre-dressesherassheshouldbe,andwhenshecomestohimeventually,whichshealwaysdoes,hejustgivesoneglanceandsaysatoncewhatshemustwear,soshethinkshe’smarvellousandalwaysgoesback.”
“Ohdear!”thoughtMissPettigrew.“Howembarrassingifhelooksatme.Ishallblushallover.”
shallblushallover.”“Well,youcan’tcomplainofmymethods,”saidJulianmildly,“iftheresults
aresosatisfactory.”“Rosie,”saidMissLaFosse,“meetGuinevere.Afriendofmine.”“Welcome,”saidRosie.“Youmustn’tordersteakandonions,”saidMissLaFosseearnestlytoMiss
Pettigrew.“Rosie’sonadiet.Shedaren’teatthemandsheadoresthem.Thetantalizingsmellwouldruinhernight.Orworse:shemightsuccumbandfalltotemptation.”
“Iwon’t,”promisedMissPettigrewhastily.“Iwenttoadoctor,”saidRosiegloomily.“Damnhiseyes.Whitemeat.
Chicken!Iaskyou?Iloathechicken.Nobodytoit.Nothingtofillagirl’sstomach.Norichfoods.Nofattyfoods.Nofriedfoods.Nopotatoes.Hardlyanybutter.Nocakes.What’sleft?Iaskyou?Isitworthit?”
“Ohyes,”chorusedtheothergirls,shocked.“Figuresmightchange,”saidMissDubarryconsolingly,“thenyou’llreach
thecorrectstandardquitenaturally,whilewe’llallhavetositaroundalldayandcutoutdancinganddrinkpintsofcream,‘tilwe’resickofthesightofit.”
“WhenI’mfifty,”saidRosiepessimistically,“whenIwon’tcarewhetherI’mfatorthin.”
Themusicstarted.“Shallwedance?”askedJulian.HeandRosietookthefloor.Rosiemeltedintohisarmswithaclinging
surrenderthatimbuedtheformalholdwithaclose,personalintimacy.Theydancedoff,cheektocheek.
MissPettigrewwatchedthemwithfascinatedeyes.“Whatalovelywoman!”admiredMissPettigrew.“I’veneverseenanyone
likeherbefore.Issheaforeigner?”“She’llgrowfat,”saidMissLaFossedarkly.“Youmarkmywords.Youcan’t
say‘no’always.”“She’saharemwoman,”saidMissDubarry.“Idon’tlikeharemwomen.
Theyletdowntheirsisters.”“Ido,”saidTony.“Theyknowwheretheybelonganddon’tgetideasinto
theirheads.Oneman,he’smaster.Theothersdon’texist.TheirplaceistheSeraglio.Theyseeknoother.Theirdutyistoprovidethefullquiverandattendtotheirlord’sneeds.Whatmorecantheyask?Whatmorecanheask?VerysatisfactoryIcallit.”
“Bah!”saidMissDubarryscornfully.“Ilikeindependenceinawoman.Sodomenthataremen.He’lltiresixweeksafterthey’remarried.Dashitall!
menthataremen.He’lltiresixweeksafterthey’remarried.Dashitall!Strawberry’sandcreamareallverywellforachange.Butforapermanency…!Fancylivingwithawomanwhoneversaidno.”
“IagreewithTony,”beganMichael.“Thewomenoftoday…”“Bequiet,”orderedMissLaFosse.“Noarguments.Weallknowyourideas.
Outofdate.Guinevere,meettheLindsays,PeggyandMartin.Marriedayearandnotseparatedyet.”
MissPettigrewturnedtotheremainingcouple.Bothhadsmooth,young,livelyfaces.Bothhadstraightbrownhair,blueeyesandcheerfulgrins.Theymighthavebeentwins.Martin’shairwasbrushedsmoothlyback:Peggy’swascutinafringeacrossherforeheadandbrushedsmoothlydownoverherears.
“Professionally,”explainedMissLaFosse,“theLindsayTwins.Betterpublicitythanhusbandandwife.Comedyturn.Revue,Varietyoranythingoffered.”
MissPettigrewmetallthesepeoplewithdelightedinterest.Herwide,shiningeyessurveyedtheroom.Thedrumsboomed:thecymbalsclashed:thesaxophoneswailed:theviolinswept:thepianocascaded.Themusicdraggedonetoone’sfeet.Madeonewanttodance.MissDubarryandTonymovedaway.TheLindsaysjoinedthem.MissLaFosseshookherheadunseenbyMissPettigrew.Ayoungmansangthroughamicrophone.Thelightsdimmed.Shufflingfeetmadearhythmoftheirown.
“Sothis,”saidMissPettigrewblissfully,“isaNightClub!AndIwastoldtheywerewickedplaces.”
MissLaFossethoughtofdiscreetlyshutdoorsupstairs.“Well,”saidMissLaFossecautiously,“therearenightclubsandnightclubs.
You’renotlikelytomeetRoyaltyhere.”“Ihavenodesire,”saidMissPettigrew,“tomeetRoyalty.Itwouldfillme
withtoomuchawe.IamquitehappyasIam.”Themusicstopped.Thelightswentup.Theirtablefilledagain.The
conductormadesignstoMissLaFosse.MissLaFossenodded.MissPettigrewheardherfriend’snameannounced.Astormofclappinggreetedthenews.ThelightswentdownandtherewasMissLaFosse,floodedbyaspotlight,crossingtheflooralone,completelyatease,withacarelessswingofhershoulders,amasterlyswayofherhips.Shereachedthegrandpianoandstoodleaningagainstit,onehandonhip,theotherlaididlyacrossthepolishedpiano-top.Sheworedaringlyagownofsheerwhite.Overasheath-likeslipofwhitesatin,whichoutlinedwithcunningdesigneverycurveofherfascinatingfigure,flaresoftransparenttulle,billowingtotheground,yetmanagedtoconveyanimpression
transparenttulle,billowingtotheground,yetmanagedtoconveyanimpressionofartlessinnocence.Therewasnocontrastingcolourexceptherbrightgoldhair.Thespotlightturneditintoanimbus.
TherewasacrashofchordsandMissLaFossebegantosing.MissPettigrewsatupslowlywithbreathlessattention.Herexperienceofprofessionalentertainerswassmall.Herexperienceofnight-clubentertainersconfinedsolelytoherviewofthematthetalkies,herlonesecretvice.Seeingandhearingoneinthefleshwasaltogetheranothermatter.Thewhitefigure,posingagainstthepiano,caughtherattention,withthatofeveryoneelseintheplace,andhelditbreathless.
TheprofessionalMissLaFossewasquiteadifferentwoman.WithoutanydefinablechangeofposeorexpressionshewassuddenlysurroundedwiththatcompellingauraoftheStar.Loungingagainstthepianowithindolentgrace,MissLaFossegazedroundtheroomwithaslow,indifferentglance.Lazylidsdroopedoverdrowsyeyes,whichwouldsuddenlyopenwidewithawicked,mockinghumour.Shehadadeep,huskyvoice.Itwashardlysinging.MissPettigrewwasnotquitesurewhattocallit.Sometimesitwasmoreliketalking,butitsentdelightfulshiversofenjoymentdownherspine.MissLaFossesanganaughty,delicioussong,called“WhenFatherleftfortheWeekend,whatdidMotherdo?”MissPettigrewenjoyedeverytantalizingminuteofit,eventhoughshewentquitepinkatwhatshethoughtsomeofitmightmean.Whenitcametoanendtheroomrangwithapplause.MissLaFossesangapopularsonghit,thenanother.Afterthatsherefusedtheencore.Shereturnedtotheirtable.
“O.K.,honey,”saidMissDubarry.“Youweregreat.NowonderNickdoesn’twanttoloseyou.GladI’mnotarival,orI’dhatetosaywhetherthefriendshipwouldstandit.”
“Whendoyousingagain?”askedMichael.“Abouthalf-pasttwo,”saidMissLaFosse.“OhLord!”Michaelgroaned.“MustIwaituntilthen?”“Noone’saskingyouto,”saidMissLaFossemildly.“Let’shaveadrink,”saidTony.MissLaFosseleaneddiscreetlyovertoMissPettigrewandwhispered
urgently,“Nowremember,don’tmixthem.Nothingmorefatalwhenyou’renotusedto‘em.”
“What’syours?”askedTony.“Iwillhave,”saidMissPettigrew,“asmallglassofsherry,thankyou.”Tony’seyespopped.“Iheardaright?”hesaidanxiously.“Theoldearsaren’tgoingbackonme?”“Whenyoureachmyage…”beganMissPettigrew.
“Whenyoureachmyage…”beganMissPettigrew.Tonylookedroundwildly.“Notagain,”heimplored.“You’renotstartingagain.Wasn’tthisafternoon
enough?Sherryitshallbe.”MissPettigrewlookedbewildered.“Trifle,”saidRosiesuddenly.“Spongecakeandraspberryjamandbeing
giddywithatablespoonfulofsherryin…I’llhaveawhiskey.”“Youandme,”saidMichael.“Waiter…”Theyalldrank.Variouspeoplestoppedattheirtable.MissPettigrewceased
troublingwiththesebirdsofpassage.One’scapacityforrememberingnamesandfaceswaslimited.
“Here’sJoeandAngela,”exclaimedMissDubarry.MissPettigrew’sfascinatedeyeswereonamanatthenexttablewhowas
slowlysinkinglowerandlowerinhischair.Soonhewoulddisappearoutofsightaltogetherunderneaththetable.Would,orwouldnot,hiscompanionsrescuehimintime?ShetooknonoticeuntilMissLaFossesaid,“Guinevere,meetMr.Blomfield.Joe,meetmyfriend,MissPettigrew.”
Shewassosurprisedattheformalityoftheintroductionsheturnedherhead.Joewaslookingdownather:abigman,notayoungman,possiblytheearly
fifties.Nosignofmiddle-agedspread.Whatmightbecalledawell-preservedfigure.Amanlookedbetterwithawell-coveredbodyinthefifties.Hewasimmaculateineveningclothes:shirt-frontgleaming,flowerinbuttonhole.Massivehead,powerfuljaw,humorouseyes,no-fooling-memouth,hairgreyingalittle,bluffmanner,genial,redface.
HisgazelightedonMissPettigrew’sfacewithsurprise.Thenhislipsparted,hiseyeslit,hisfaceexpanded,withasurprised,warm,friendlysmile.Onecontemporaryacknowledgedanother.MissPettigrewstaredinequalsurpriseathim,thensuddenlyherownlipspartedinashy,diffident,hesitantlyintimatesmile.Theygaveeachothergreeting.Heandshebelongedtoadifferentgeneration.Theyreachedcommongroundforamoment.
“Guinevere,meetAngela.Angela,myfriendGuinevere.”MissPettigrewlookedattheyoungwoman.“How-do-you-do?”saidMissPettigrewshyly.“How-d’do?”saidAngelainanindifferent,drawling,faintlycomplaining
voice.ShewasthefirstfriendofMissLaFossetointimidateMissPettigrewand
bringbackallheroldnervousness.Shewassoveryyoung,soveryhard,soverybrittle,soveryassured.SheseemedtoseestraightthroughMissPettigrew’s
brittle,soveryassured.SheseemedtoseestraightthroughMissPettigrew’sborrowedfinerydowntowhatMissPettigrewreallywasanddespiseher.MissPettigrewflushedalittlefornoreasonandsatfartherbackinherchair.
Angelawasdressedinavividscarletgownthatfittedherlikeasheath,outlininghigh,tinybreasts,slimdiaphragm,narrowhips,taperingthighs.Shehadpalesilverhair.MissPettigrewstaredatitwithfascinatedeyes;aplatinumblondeintheflesh.
“Dye,”thoughtMissPettigrewwithsternsatisfaction.“DearMissLaFosse’sisnatural.”
Angela’sfacewasalovelyexpressionlessmask,perfectastodetail,butwithnolifeinittogiveitappeal.Shehadgreatblueeyes,surroundedbylong,curlinglashes,astraightnose,alovelypinkandwhitecomplexion,aperfect,scarlet,rosebudmouth,acoiffurewithoutacurloutofplace.Shewasafinishedproductionoffeminineart,butMissPettigrew,nothavingseenhercomefromherbath,reservedjudgment.
MissPettigrewsighedinwardlyanddrewawayhereyes.Whatapitythatsuchanicemanshouldbecaughtbyayoungchit!Everysensiblewomanknewthatyoungcreaturesneverreallywentwitholdermenexceptforwhattheycouldget,butmenwerenotoriouslystupidandsusceptibleintheirmiddleage.
Mr.BlomfieldandAngelawereobviouslyintimatefriends.“Joinus,”saidMichael.“Ifwe’renotintruding,”saidJoe.“Apleasure,”saidRosie.“Thankyou,”saidJoe.Angelasaidnothing.Shehadonceheardthattoomuchtalking,toomuch
laughing,toomuchanimation,agedone.Apartfromtheprimaryconsiderationthatsheneverhadanythingtosay,shemeanttokeepherlooks.
“Waiter,”calledTony,“morechairs.”Theircirclewasenlargedbytheadditionofanotherminutetableandtwo
chairs.Thebandstartedatune.EveryonegotupanddancedexceptMissPettigrew,MissLaFosseandMichael.MissPettigrewbegantofeelalittleuncomfortablebecauseofMissLaFosse.Shewouldassurehershedidnotmindsittingoutadancealone.Shewouldtellhernexttime.EvenJoe,withratheramartyredexpression,waswalkingponderouslyaroundthefloorwiththeslimAngelainhisarms.Themusicstopped.Therewasanotherintervalofdelightfulgeneralconversation.Themusicstartedagain.
“Shallwe?”saidTonytoMissDubarry.“Ours,”saidJuliantoRosie.“Shallweshow‘em?”saidMartintoPeggy.
“Shallweshow‘em?”saidMartintoPeggy.Onebyonetheydisappeared.MissPettigrewlookedafterthemalittle
wistfully,thinkingofforgottenyouthandlostopportunities.Joestoodup.HeloomedaboveMissPettigrew,large,expansive,genial.“MayIhavethepleasure?”saidJoe.
M
CHAPTERTHIRTEEN
1.15AM—2.3AM
issPettigrewstarted.Shegasped.“Areyouaskingme?”asked‘MissPettigrewincredulously.“IfImayhavethehonour,”saidJoewithabeautifulbow.
“Alas!”saidMissPettigrewtragically.“Ican’tdance.”Joebeamed.“NeithercanI,”saidJoe.“Ionlypretend.”SerenelyhepulledoutTony’svacantchairandloweredhimselfcomfortably
besideMissPettigrew.Hesighedwithpleasure.“Tooold,”saidJoe.“Toomuchstomach.”“Youarenotfat,”saidMissPettigrewindignantly.“Goodtailor,”saidJoe,“goodbelt.Signsthough.”Hepattedhisstomach
comfortably.“Indeedtherearenot,”saidMissPettigrewstillindignant.“Justanicefilling-
out.Asplendidfigure,ifImaybesoboldastosayso.Middle-agedmenaremeanttobesolid.”
“AmImiddle-aged?”askedJoe.MissPettigrewlookedaghast.“Ohdear!”shethoughtindistress.“HaveIoffended?Somemenareas
touchyaswomenabouttheirage.Doeshepretendheisstillyoung?Imustsaysomething.”
Thenshethought,whyshouldshe?Hoity-toity!Shewouldn’twickedlyflatterasillyoldmanwhomshewouldneverseeagain.Shelookedathimseverely.
“Middle-agedyouare,”saidMissPettigrewwithspirit,“andmiddle-agedyoucan’tescapebeing.”
“Blessyou,lady,”saidJoeinhisbooming,comfortablevoice.“I’mgladyourealizeit.NowIwon’thavetopretendtohoparoundlikeatwo-year-old.”
Hesettledhimselflowerinhischairwithacomfortableairofpermanence.“Joe.”Angela’shigh,complainingvoicecameacrossthetable.“Shallwe
dance?”“No,”saidJoe,“wewillnot.Notthisone.Myfeetaren’tuptoit.”
“No,”saidJoe,“wewillnot.Notthisone.Myfeetaren’tuptoit.”Ifglancescouldbedaggers,thosewhichAngelathrewatMissPettigrew
wouldhavetransfixedher.MissPettigrewbecameallhotandflustered,butbehindhertrepidationwasawickedsenseofrapture.Forthefirsttimeinlifesomeonewasjealousofher.ShebecamesoexhilaratedwiththethoughtsheshelvedallideasoffairplayanddeliberatelyhopedJoewouldstay.Joelookedroundequably.Atthenexttabletheoccupantsmadehastetobeamathim.
“Oh,George!”calledJoecheerfully,“AngelawantstodanceandIdon’t.Whataboutit?”
Ayoungmanrosewithalacrity.“That’sgoodofyou,Joe.Comeandoblige,Angela.”Angelarosewithequalalacrity.Theydancedoff.“I’vealotofmoney,”saidJoe.“Ifindpeopleverywillingtooblige.”“Howsordid,”saidMissPettigrewsternly.“GeorgelikesAngela,”saidJoepeacefully,“andAngelalikesGeorge,but
shelikesmymoneybetter.They’llbequitehappy.”MissPettigrewdidn’tknowwhattosaytothis,sosaidnothing.“Well,well,”saidMissLaFosse’scheerfulvoice,“sittingoutalready.I’m
surprisedatyou,Guinevere.Comeon,Michael.Two’scompany’s,four’sacrowd.”
Theydancedaway.MissPettigrewsatandthrilled.Amanhaddeliberatelyelectedtositoutwith
her.Andsuchapresentableman!Noforcedcircumstanceseither.Hechosethesituationhimself.Evenifitwereonlypolitenessitwasaverynicegesture.Herfaceshonewithgratitude.
“Thankyouverymuch,”saidMissPettigrew.“Itisverykindofyoutositwithme.IwasbeginningtofearIwasspoilingMissLaFosse’sevening.Shewouldn’tdanceandleavemesittingalone.Nowatleastshecanhaveonedance.”
“Kind,”chuckledJoe.“MydearMissPettigrew,thepleasureisallmine.You’resavingmeachingbunionsandstabbingcorns.WhenIwasbornmyfeetwereonlymadetocarryeightpounds.Therestofmehasgrownoutofproportion.”
MissPettigrewsmiledatthemildjoke.Shewasalittlenervousaboutconversation.Shewasquiteunusedtoentertainingstrangementete-a-teteanddidn’tknowwhattosay,butshesoondiscoveredherworriesweregroundless.Talkjusthappened.Nodifficulty.Itsimplyarrived.
Thereweredrinkstobeofferedandrefused.Therewerepresentfriends.TherewasJoe’scareer.
TherewasJoe’scareer.“Corsets!”saidJoe.“There’salotofmoneytobemadeincorsets.Ifyoucan
getintouchwiththerightpeople.Idid.Ifyoucantakeaninchoffawoman’s…well,Iwon’tmentiontheplace,butyoucanguess…youcanmakeafortune.Talkabouttheageofcorsetsbeinggone!Myeye!You’venoideahowthesesocietywomenflytometogivethemtheperfectfiguretheylacknaturally.DoyouthinkJulian’sgownswouldlookthewaytheydowithoutmygroundworkunderneath?No,sir,theywouldn’t.Aprotruding,well,dashitall,youcanguess…backorfront,couldruinthelookofanycreation.”
MissPettigrewsatfascinated.Thiswasanamazingtopicofconversationbetweenamanandwomanmeetingforthefirsttime,butshefounditathousandtimesmoreinterestingthandiscussingtheweather.Itwasnotindelicate.ItwasBigBusiness.WhowouldhavedreamedyesterdaythattodayshewouldbesittingtalkingonequaltermswithBigBusiness!Hergentlemouthwastremulouswithinterestandsympathy.Joeexpanded.Angelaloatheddiscussingcorsets.MissPettigrewlovedit.Nomistakingrealinterest.Heeyedherprofessionally.
“Nowyou’vegotasplendidfigureforyourage,”saidJoeearnestly.“Idon’tthinkeven‘Blomfield’sCorrectCorsets’coulddoanythingmoreforyou.Howdoyoudoit?”
“Shortfoodandcontinualnervousworry,”thoughtMissPettigrew.ButtonightshewasCinderellaandrefusedtocontemplatehershabbybackground.
“Oh!”saidMissPettigrewnegligently.“Nothingatall.Iassureyou.It’sjustnatural.”
“Nochildren,”saidJoebrilliantly.“Iamnotmarried,”saidMissPettigrewwithdignity.“Menareblind,”saidJoegallantly.MissPettigrewwasweakwithjoy.Allthesecomplimentsweregoingtoher
head.Shecouldhavedonewithmore,butthedancecametoanend.TonylookedsternlyatJoe.Joesaidblandly,“Youthmustneedstakesecondplace,myboy.”
“Ha!”saidTony,“monopolizethebelle,wouldyou?”MissPettigrewsquirmedwithpleasure.Joestayedplantedinthechairbeside
her.MissPettigrewwasradiant.GeorgehadjoinedthepartyandsatwithunobtrusivelyadoringeyesonAngela.
“I’mhungry,”saidMissLaFosse.“Ican’tsinganymoreonanemptyinside.”“Ithoughtonewassupposedto,”saidJulian.“I’mdifferent,”saidMissLaFosse.
“I’mdifferent,”saidMissLaFosse.“I’mhungrytoo,”saidMichael.“Theeffectofmydinnerhasalsowornoff.”Supperwasordered.Themusicbeganagain,adreamy,meltingmelody.The
couplesleftthetableagainuntilsuppershouldarrive.JoelookedatMissPettigrew.
“Ourdance,Ithink,”saidJoe.“ButItoldyouIcouldn’tdance,”saidMissPettigrewwithdeepregret.“Iamquiteconfident,”saidJoe,“thatyoudotheOld-fashionedWaltz
perfectly.”MissPettigrew’sfacelit.“IsittheOld-fashionedWaltz?”“Itisso,”saidJoe.MissPettigrewstoodup.Joebowed.Heputhisarmaroundherwaist.Theyhesitatedafewbeatsthen
swungintothecrowd.MissPettigrewshuthereyestight.Thiswasthecrowningmoment.SeeNaplesanddie.ShesimplysurrenderedherselftoJoe’sarmsandthedreamy,liltingrhythm.
Joedanceditwell.Despitehisdarkhints,MissPettigrewfelthisbulkonlyasacomfortablepressureagainstherownbody.Inheryouth,attheveryfewsocialassembliesshehadattendedwhichpermittedalittlemildwaltzing,herlotforpartnershadalwaysfallenamongtheelderlygeneration,andMissPettigrewwellknewtheratherembarrassingawkwardnessofapartner’sover-generouswaistline.
“Perfect,”saidJoe.“Themoderngenerationdon’tknowhowtowaltz.Iwouldn’thavemissedthatforworlds.”
TreadingonairMissPettigrewreturnedtoherseatwithflushedcheeksandshiningeyes.
“Well,yougiddyoldfraud,”accusedMissLaFosse.“Tellingmeyoucouldn’tdance.YouonlywantedtositoutwithJoe.”
“Oh,please,”saidMissPettigrew,pinknowwithembarrassment.“IassureyoutheWaltzistheonlydanceIknow.”
ShewashaughtywithJoeforseveralminutesincaseheshouldthinkthings.Supperarrived.MissPettigrewfoundsurprisinglyshewasquitehungryagain.Shesettowithawill.
“Haveanice,”offeredMichael.“Iwill,”saidMissPettigrew.Hewinked.“Shouldbegoodhere.Owner’sspeciality,Iunderstand.”MissPettigrewrelapsedintogiggles,despiteMissLaFosse’sindignantglare
MissPettigrewrelapsedintogiggles,despiteMissLaFosse’sindignantglareatMichael.Buttheicewasamarvellousconcoction.MissPettigrewhadneverthoughtshewasgreedybefore,butthiswasnochilledcustard.Therewascreamandfruitandnutsandicecreamandawonderfulsyrup,allskilfullyblended.Sheslowlyturnedeachambrosialspoonfulroundhertongue.
Thebandstartedaslow,drowsyfoxtrot.Thelightswerelowered.Onlyadullglowpervadedtheroom.MissPettigrewlookedupwithdreamyenjoymentandsawNickapproachingtheirtable.Theicesuddenlylostitsflavour.
Nickcamethreadinghiswayslowlybetweenthetables,hisgazeonMissLaFosse.Hisfacewasquiteexpressionless,hiseyesblank,yetsuddenlyMissPettigrewshivered.Shehadafeelingthatonlyathinshutterofrestraintwasdrawnoverhiseyes.Anyseconditmightopentorevealtheminfullflame.
MissPettigrewglancedwildlyroundthetable.NooneelsehadseenNick.Theloweredlights,thetreaclymusic,therichfood,wereallconducivetoreposeandromance.Eachcouplehadedgedalittleclosertogether.Michaelwastheclosestofall.HisarmwasobviouslyroundMissLaFosseandhisbrownheadbentaboveherfairone.Hewastalkingearnestly.MissLaFosse’sfaceworeaserious,almostshyexpression.
Nickreachedthetable.“Delysia,”saidNick.“Ourdance,Ithink.”Everyoneatthetablewassuddenlystill.Thebandplayedon.Dancing
couplescrossedthefloor.Thelightsremaineddiscreetlylowered.Noonenoticedthetablesinthecorner.
MissLaFosse’sbodygaveajerkandhereyescameroundtomeetNick’s.Herfaceshonewhiteinthedimness.
“Oh!Nick!”saidMissLaFosseinadazedwhisper.Michaelwentrigid.Twomusclesoneachsideofhisjawstoodout.He
shiftedhisholdveryslightlyonMissLaFosse’sshoulder.“Sorry,oldman,”saidMichael,“Delysia’ssittingthisoneoutwithme.”“Delysiahasforgotten,”saidNickinaquietvoice.“Ihaveapriorclaim.”TurbulentthoughtsurgedthroughMissPettigrew’smind.Shegazed
hopelesslyround.Alltheothercouples,withdiscreet,non-committalfaces,weregazingsomewhereelse.ThiswasbetweenNick,DelysiaandMichael.NoneoftheirbusinessandNickwasn’tapleasantenemy.Nohelpthere.Butsomethingmustbedone.MissLaFossewasslipping.Thesnakehadfixeditseyesandtherabbitwashelpless.Slowly,inchbyinch,MissLaFossewasdrawingawayfromMichael’srestraininghold.MissPettigrewalmostsobbed.
ThereNickstood,ashandsomeassin,brillianteyesbeginningtoshow
ThereNickstood,ashandsomeassin,brillianteyesbeginningtoshowsmoulderinglights,darkfacebitterandcompelling,bodychargedwithatense,violent,jealousmaleanger,willing,forcingMissLaFosseintothebriefparadiseofhispassionatedesire.
MissLaFossewasalreadysittinguprightonherchair,herwideeyesfullonNick’s.
“Areyoucoming,Delysia?”saidNick.“I…”beganMissLaFosse.Shestoodup.WithaconvulsivejerkMichaelstoodbesideher.“Delysia.”MissLaFossecaughtinherbreathwithalittle,hopelesssound.Sheflunga
lookofwildappealatNick.“I’mafraidthisdanceisbooked,”saidMichaelinachokingfury.“Sorryifthere’sbeenamistake,”saidNicksmoothly,“butIhavesomething
tosaytoDelysia.It’simportant.”HeturnedthefullstrengthofhiscompellinggazeonMissLaFosseagain.
MissLaFossetookastepforward.“Lost…lost,”weptMissPettigrew’sthoughts.“Ifshegoesnowshewill
neverescapehim.”GonewasallMissPettigrew’sthoughtofherself.Everyfaculty,everynerve,
wasbentonthehopelesstaskofsavingMissLaFosse.Hereyesrangedwildlybetweentheprotagonists.Michael’sdesperateface,MissLaFosse’shelplessairofsubmission,Nick’shard,dark,compellingglance.
MissLaFossemovedahesitatingstepforward.HelplesslyMichaelexhorted,“Delysia.”
“I’m…I’msorry,”saidMissLaFossehelplessly.Shegavehimatragicglance.
“Oh!”thoughtMissPettigrew,hereyessmarting.“WhatwillMichaeldo?He’llgoonablindagain.He’llsockanotherpoliceman.They’llgivehimsixtydaysnexttime.WhatcanIdo?WhatcanIdo?”
Alightbrokeonhermind.“Wemightbeawhile,”saidNick.“Sockhimone,”hissedMissPettigrew.Michaelsocked.Nickwentdown,takingachairandatablewithhim.He
leapedtohisfeet,facepallid,eyesblindwithfury.Michaeldancedonhistwofeet,alookofunholyjoyonhisface:bodypoisedforaction,eyesshining,agloriousgrinonhismouth.
Nick’sfuriousleapcarriedhimalmosttostrikingdistance;thenhestopped.Thefaintest,tiniestquiverofhesitationcameoverhisface.Thefastidiousnessof
Thefaintest,tiniestquiverofhesitationcameoverhisface.ThefastidiousnessoftheLatin.Michaelcarednothingfordignity.Nickdid.Threewaitersrushedtointervene.Hedidn’tstopthem.Lightswentup.Dancerscametoastandstillandlookedroundinsurprise.Thebandblaredout.Morewaitersappeared.Voicesroseinababelofsound.MissPettigrewgrabbedMichael’sarm.
“Out,”hissedMissPettigrew,mistressoffate,kingmaker.Michaelobeyed.Reluctantly:butDelysiawasworthmorethanthe
satisfactionofagloriousbloodlust.MichaelgrabbedMissLaFosse’sarmandtowedhertowardsthedoor.She
went.TonygrabbedMissDubarry,JuliangrabbedRosie,MartingrabbedPeggie,GeorgemadehaywhilethesunshoneandgrabbedAngela.GeneralPettigrewurgedonthetroops.Joerumbledbehindher,“Neverdidlikethefellow.”
Theyreachedthedoorandtumbledintothevestibule,leavingbehindthebrayingband,theexcitedvoices,thesoothingwaiters,theragingNick.Thegirlshastenedtothecloakroom.MissPettigrewgrabbedherfurcoat;thentheyweredownstairsagain,themenwerewaiting,andtheyallspilledintothestreet.
Thecold,dampNovemberairstrucktheirfaces.Itwasraininginamiserable,half-heartedfashion.MissPettigrew’seyesblinkedinthegloomafterthebrilliantlightsinside.Inthedarknesstheyseemedafarbiggercrowdthaninside.Everyonewastalkingexcitedly,laughinghysterically.Thereseemedtobeabouttenvoicescalling‘Taxi,taxi’.Everyfemalewaslinkedpossessivelybysomemale.Allbutherself.Suddenly,inthecrowd,MissPettigrewhadalost,frightened,lonelyfeeling.Herbubbleofexaltationwaspricked.Suddenlysherememberedshewasastranger.Then,loudabovetheothers,avoicewasheardshouting,“MissPettigrew.Where’sMissPettigrew?I’mtakingMissPettigrewhome.Where’sMissPettigrew?”
CHAPTERFOURTEEN
2.3AM—3.6AM
“Here,”saidMissPettigrewinatinyvoice.Joeloomedaboveher.Hesaidnoword,buthisarmwentthroughherswith
thatglorious,proprietary,wardingmaleattentivenessneverhithertoexperiencedbyMissPettigrew.Shesimplyleanedonhimweakly.
Taxisappeared.Couplesbundledin.MissPettigrewmadetofollow,butJoe’sgraspwasfirm.Thetaxisdisappeared.Anothercruisedbyhopefully.
“Ours,Ithink,”saidJoe.“Whereto,sir?”askedtheman.“Justdriveon,”saidJoe;“I’llletyouknowlater.”MissPettigrewfoundherselfinthecold,darkinterior,outoftherain,alone
withaman.Thetaxiquivered.MissPettigrewquivered.Butnotwithfear.Withexcitement,withbliss.Herthoughtsracedwithsuchwildelationshewasalmostdizzy.Shecouldn’tbelieveit.
“ButIneveraskedhim,”thoughtMissPettigrewhappily;“hechosemeallhimself.Iwasn’tevennear.Hedeliberatelysaidhewastakingmehome.Iwasn’teventhinkingaboutit.Heneverneedhavesaidaword.It’sunbelievable,buthesimplymusthavewantedto.Whatotherexplanationisthere?”
Shewasweakwithsheergratification,butshethoughtthatsuchunrulyjubilationwasnotquitemodestandfeltguilty.
“Ohdear!”saidMissPettigrew.“WhataboutAngela?”“Angela,”saidJoecomfortably,“iswithGeorge.Didn’tyousee?Theywere
thefirsttogetinataxi.Hewillseeher,iflesssafely,quiteascompetentlyhome.”
“Won’tshebeoffended?”askedMissPettigrewtimidly.“I’llbuyherapresent,”saidJoe.“She’sneveroffendedifIbuyhera
present.”“Oh!”saidMissPettigrew,nonplussed.“Iwouldn’tworryaboutAngela,”saidJoeconsolingly.“Shewouldn’tworry
aboutyou.”“Totakeanotherwoman’sescort…!”beganMissPettigrew,halfinreal
“Totakeanotherwoman’sescort…!”beganMissPettigrew,halfinrealconcern,halfinawickedmeekness,becauseshewasthoroughlyenjoyingallthisreassurance.
“Youdidn’ttakeme,”saidJoe.“Itookyou.”MissPettigrewabruptlycastscruplestothewinds.Angelahadeverything:
youth,beauty,assurance,anotherman.ShecouldspareJoeforonenight.“Theaddress,”saidMissPettigrew,“isFive,OnslowMansions.”“Isn’tthatDelysia’saddress?”“IamstayingwithMissLaFosse,”liedMissPettigrew.“Youcan’tgothereyet,”saidJoeearnestly.“Ohdear,whynot?”askedMissPettigrewnervously.“Well,liveandletlive,”saidJoe.“They’veonlyjustgottogether,haven’t
they?They’llwantalittletimetothemselves.Didn’tyounoticetheygrabbedataxiontheirown?”
“Ohdear,whatshallIdo?”saidMissPettigrewwithasinkingheart.“That’seasy,”saidJoecheerfully.“We’lldrivearoundabitfirst.”“Inataxi?”saidMissPettigrew,scandalized.“Sure.Whynot?”saidJoe.MissPettigrewsatup.“Certainlynot,”saidMissPettigrewseverely.“Andthemetersimplyticking
round.Itwouldcostyouafortune.Icouldn’tdreamoflettingyou.Iamaverygoodwalker,Iassureyou.Perhaps,ifwegotout,wecouldwalkback.I’msureit’sfairnow.I…Iwouldn’ttroubleyoutocomewithme,onlyIamverynervousinthedark,andIknowIwouldn’tbeabletofindmyownway.”
Shelookedathimwithnervousapology.Joewentintoalowrumbleoflaughter.
“Ifthey’dallbeenlikeyouI’dbeawealthiermanthanIam,”chuckledJoe.Hefoundthespeaking-tube.“Driveround‘tilIgiveyouanaddress.”“Oh,please,”saidMissPettigrewindistress.“Listen,”saidJoe.“There’salotofmoneyincorsets.Mybankmanagereats
outofmyhand.”Hesankbackcomfortably.Hewasfindingitamostoriginalexperiencetobe
withsomeonewhoworriedthatheshouldspendratherthanthatheshouldnot.“Ifyou’requitesure?”saidMissPettigrewfromherrigidposture.“I’llbuyyouthetaxi,”saidJoe.MissPettigrewslowlysettledbackherself.Itwashisbusiness.Heknewbest.
Shehadnowquiteobviouslybetrayedherlackofwealthybackground.Shehopedhewasn’tlaughingather,butitwastoolatenowtomakeamends.
hopedhewasn’tlaughingather,butitwastoolatenowtomakeamends.Suddenlyshejustcouldn’tbebotheredtopretendanylonger.
“Iknowtherearepeoplewithalotofmoney,”saidMissPettigrewhumbly,“butIfinditquiteimpossibletothinkintermsofpounds.Icountinpence.”
“Once,”saidJoe,“mygreatestdissipationwasagalleryseatatamusichall.”“Oh,”saidMissPettigrewhappily,“thenI’mquitesureyouunderstand.”Shesettledmorehappily.ThecoldNovemberwindfoundchinksinthecab
andcamesweepingin.Shedrewherfurcoatwithluxuriousblissmorecloselyroundher.
“Itiscold,”saidJoe,andcalmlyputhisarmroundMissPettigrewandheldherclose.
MissPettigrewsatinataxiwithastrangemanandhehadtheeffronterytoputhisarmroundher,andMissPettigrew…MissPettigrewrelaxed.Shesankinherseat.Shelaidherheadonhisshoulder.Shehadneverbeensowickedinherlifeandshehadneverbeensohappy.Shewasn’tgoingtopretendanymore.Sheheardherownvoicesayingveryloudlyandveryfirmly,“Iamforty,”saidMissPettigrew,“andnoone,inallmylifebefore,hasflirtedwithme.Youmayn’tbeenjoyingit,butIam.I’mveryhappy.”
Shefoundhisfreehandandveryfirmlytookholdofit.Joe’sreturningclaspwaswarmlyreassuring.
“Iamverycomfortablemyself,”saidJoe.“Mr.Blomfield…”beganMissPettigrew.“WhynotJoe?”saidJoepersuasively.“Let’sthaw.”“Joe,”saidMissPettigrewshyly.“Thankyou.”“MyownisGuinevere,”offeredMissPettigrewtimidly.“SoIhadheard,”saidJoe.“IfImay…”“I’dlikeyouto.”“I’mveryhappytoknowyou,Guinevere,”saidJoe.“I’vehadawonderfulday,”saidMissPettigrewconfidentially.“You
wouldn’tbelieveit.Atfirstitwaswatchingthingshappentootherpeople,butnowIamrightinitmyself.I’llneverforgetthisdayinallmylife.Youaregivingittheperfectfinish.”
MissPettigrewwastheoddestladyJoehadeverputhisarmaround,buthefoundherodditygivinghimapeculiarsenseofcontentment.Shewasdifferent,andevenamaninthemiddlefiftiescanlikeachange.Certainlyheroddconduct,herbewilderingremarks,hershydelight,weresomethinghehadneverstruckbefore.Theygavehimamostcomfortablesenseofsatisfaction.What,
struckbefore.Theygavehimamostcomfortablesenseofsatisfaction.What,afterall,wasababyface…onlysomethingtolookat…againstthesenseofcomplacencyMissPettigrewinspiredinaman.
“Comfortable?”saidJoe,givingMissPettigrewacomfortingsqueeze.“Very,”saidMissPettigrewshamelessly.Thiswasobviouslyaperfectexcusetodrawhercloser,andJoewasno
slowcoach.Hedrewhercloser.MissPettigrewcame.“Idon’tcare,”saidMissPettigrewsuddenly,“whetheryouarewishingyou
werewithAngelaornot.”“Iamnot,”saidJoesolemnly,“wishingIwaswithAngela.”MissPettigrewturnedherheadalittleandlookedathim.Wasitthesherry
shehadtaken,orJoe’sencirclingarmthatgaveherasenseofaudacity?“Icannotunderstand,”saidMissPettigrewseverely,“howsensiblemenlike
youcangettakeninbytheyoungcreatures.YouonlysufferinthelongrunandIshouldnotliketoseeyouhurt.”
“Iamnever,”saidJoe,“takeninbyyoungcreatures.”“Oh!”saidMissPettigrewdoubtfully.“Yousee,”explainedJoe,“whenIwasakidIhadnofunatall.Noparties,no
dances,nogirls.Sothatnow,whenIhaveabitofmoneyandleisure,Ilikeabitoflifeandmovement.Ibuythemafewpresentsandinreturntheyarevery…charming.Theiryouthbringsbackmine.Webothgetwhatwewant,buttheydon’tfoolme.No,sir,notme.”
“Iquiteunderstand,”saidMissPettigrewsurprisingly.“Ihaveneverhadanyfunoramusement.To-dayhastaughtmealesson.Ihavediscoveredalotoffrivoloustendenciesinmyselfhithertoquiteunsuspected.”
“Excellent,”saidJoe.“Wecanenjoylifetogether.”Thewordswereonlyaphrase,MissPettigrewknew,butshehadasudden
visionofaliferich,varied;alittlevulgarperhaps.Hewouldgetdrunksometimes.Hewouldundoubtedlyshockher.Hewasnotrefined.Hewouldbringoddpeopletothehouse.Herstandardswouldbeturnedtopsy-turvy,butwhatasenseofease,ofsecurity,offullnesshewouldbringtoexistence!
Shestolealookathim.Big,bluff,hearty,ahinthecouldbealittlebrutalmaybe,butalsokindandconsiderate.Hewasnotagentleman.Hermotherwouldhavebeenshockedbyhim.Mrs.Brummeganmighthavecuthim,ifshehadnotfirstheardofhismoney.Herfatherwoulddefinitelynothaveadmittedhimwithinthecircleofhisintimates.Shewasloweringherdignityasawell-bredgentlewomaninacceptinghisattentions,butshehadsunksolowinoneshortdayshesimplydidn’tcarewhetherhewasvulgarornot.
Joe’sconventionallyencirclingarmwasnowdefinitelyawarm,comfortable
Joe’sconventionallyencirclingarmwasnowdefinitelyawarm,comfortableembrace.MissPettigrew,therewasnootherwordforit,simplysnuggledin.Shewasquiteshamelesslyhappy.
Therainoutsidehadnotstopped,butturnedtoahorrid,wetsleet,neithersnownorrain,thatplasteredonewindowofthetaxiwherethewindblewagainstit.MissPettigrewwatcheditfromtheserenecomfortofthewarminteriorofthetaxi.
“Youwerequiteright,”saidMissPettigrew.“It’snotanighttobeoutin.”“Catchyourdeathofcold,”agreedJoe.“Especiallyinthismoderneveningwear,”saidMissPettigrew.“Veryattractive,”saidJoegallantly,“butnotsensible.”“Norealwarmthinasinglegarment,”admittedMissPettigrew.“Wehavetowearsilktoo,”saidJoegloomily.“Wool,”saidMissPettigrew.“Idon’tcarewhatpeoplesay.Woolisstillthe
bestwearforwinter.”“Iquiteagree,”saidJoefervently.Thiswasavitalsubject.“Buttheyounggirls!”MissPettigrewshookherhead.“Silkitisandsilkit
hastobe.Nowarmthatall.Idon’tknowhowtheydon’talldieofpneumonia.Youcannotmakethemunderstandthattheylookbetterforwool.Awarmbodymeansaglowingface.Acoldbodymeansapinchedlookandarednose.”
“Whataboutthemen?”saidJoewithearnestgloom.“I’musedtowool.Iwasbroughtuponwool.Mymotherinsistedonwool.Ilikemywoollenvestandpants.ButdareIwearthem!No.Idon’t.They’dthinkIwasanoldfogey.TheythinkIshouldwearsilkaswellasthemselves.I’dblushiftheydiscoveredmeinwool.”
“Ipresume,”saidMissPettigrewscornfully,“youarespeakingoftheyounggirlsyouaresofondof.Youareaverystupidman.Youshouldrememberyourage.No.Iwillnotflatteryou.Youarenotayoungman.Youwillundoubtedlygetrheumatism.Yougostraighthometonightandtomorrowinsistonpurewoollenunderwear.WhetherIamrudeornot,letmetellyouthis.Theywon’tgetromanticoveryouwhetheryouwearsilkorwool.Soyoumayjustaswellwearwoolandbecomfortable.”
“Couldyou?”askedJoe.“CouldIwhat?”“Getromanticoverme?”MissPettigrewblushed.Shepositivelywriggledwithpleasure.Shelooked
almostarch.This,thoughtMissPettigrewdelightedly,isflirtingWhyhadshewaitedsolongtosavouritsenjoyment?
waitedsolongtosavouritsenjoyment?“I,”saidMissPettigrewsubtly,“amnotayounggirl.”“Ah!”triumphedJoe,whowasallthere.“Thenyoucould?”“Imight,”saidMissPettigrewcoyly.“Iinsist.”“Iamnotinthehabit,”saidMissPettigrewwithtremendousboldness,“of
gettingromanticovereveryhandsomemanImeet.”“Me?”saidJoe,pleased.“Handsome?”“Nomockmodesty,”saidMissPettigrew.“Youknowthereisnoneedfor
youtoworryoverlooks.”“Ireturnthecompliment,”saidJoe.Theywerebothpleased.Joebeamed.MissPettigrewfeltimmenselyatease.
Sheventuredanotherslyallusion.“Woollenunderwear,”saidMissPettigrew.Joe’sdelighted,boominglaughrangout.Hiswitswereneverslow.“Itleadsone’sthoughtsastray,”chuckledJoe,“butintherightdirection.”MissPettigrewlookeddemure.“Iwillreverttosenseandwarmveststomorrow,”promisedJoe.Acommonbeliefinwoollenunderwearwasabondtoshatterthelastbarrier
ofconstraint.Theyobviouslyhadimportanttastesincommon.MissPettigrewheldveryfirmlytohiswarm,freehand.Joe’sarmremainedaroundher.Theywerebothcontent.ToJoe,theknowledgethatathisage,fifty-five,hisarmroundawomandefinitelythrilledher,gavehimathrillinreturn.Itmadehimfeelyearsyounger.Withthosebrazenyounggirls,youwereneversure.
“Speakingofclothes,”saidJoe,“Iknowabitaboutclothes.Gottoinmyjob.Yourblackget-uplackedonlytheonetouch.”
“What’sthat?”askedMissPettigrew,faintlydashed,butintenselyinterested.“Pearls,”saidJoe.“Astringofpearlsandyouwereperfect.”“Pearls!”gaspedMissPettigrew.“Me?I’veneverevenownedanimitation
stringinallmylife.”“I’llbuyyousome,”saidJoesimply.MissPettigrewsatverystill.Ithadcomeatlast.Amanwastryingtobuyher
withpresents.Itwasthefirststep:acrucialmoment.Always,infilms,whenthemanproducedthefirstgiftofjewellery,youknewthatdangerhovered.Hewasthatsortofman!Nogoodmanofferedaladygifts.Notjewellery!Therewassomethingsinister,subtlyimmoralabouttheofferofjewellery.Chocolates,yes,flowers,handkerchiefs,extravagantdinnersandtheatres,butnotjewellery,notfurcoats.Furcoatsandjewellerywerethebadman’sbetrayal:thegoodgirl’swarning.
warning.“Allmylife,”saidMissPettigrew,“I’velongedforsomejewellery.I’dlove
some.”“I’llgetyousometomorrow,”saidJoe.“I’llaccept,”saidMissPettigrew.“Whynot?”askedJoeinsurprise.“Ladiesdon’t,”saidMissPettigrew.“Areyoualady?”“Yes,”saidMissPettigrew.“Iknewit,”saidJoegloomily.“Isuspectedit.Ifeltyouweredifferent.”“I’msorry,”saidMissPettigrewhumbly.“Itdoesrathercomplicatematters,doesn’tit?”saidJoesadly.“Doesit?”saidMissPettigrew.“Doesn’tit?”saidJoehopefully.“No,”saidMissPettigrew.“Ifinditmuchpleasanternottobealady.Ihave
beenoneallmylife.AndwhathaveItoshowforit?Nothing.Ihaveceasedtobeone.”
“Ah!”saidJoe,brightening.“Thatsimplifiesmatters.”“Whatmatters?”askedMissPettigrew.“Akissmatters,”saidJoetentatively.“Oh!”saidMissPettigrew.Shebecamebold.“I’mnotsosure.”“Then…supposewetryit.”Theytriedit.Inexpertly,itistrue,onMissPettigrew’spart,butJoe’stuition
wassound,histechniquepolished.WhenMissPettigrewatlastleftOlympusandcamebacktoearth,shewasa
changedwoman.Sheneverneedhangherheadagain.Shecouldnowspeakwithauthority.Shewasinexperiencednolonger.Shehadbeenkissedsoundly:withexperience,withmastery,withardour.HerfacehadsucharadianceJoefelthumble.
“I’veneverbeenkissedbefore,”saidMissPettigrew.“ThenI’maluckyman,”saidJoe.“Ishallmakeupforlosttime.”MissPettigrewstarted.“Ohdear!Ihadforgottenallaboutthetime.WhatwillMissLaFossethink?I
mustreturnatonce.”MissPettigrewbecameagitated.Joewasasensibleman.Heactedthe
gentlemanatonce.Hesatupandpickedupthespeaking-tube.
gentlemanatonce.Hesatupandpickedupthespeaking-tube.“Five,OnslowMansions,”saidJoe.Thetaxislowed,wheeled,turned.“IfImay,”saidJoe,“IwillcallatDelysia’sinthemorningandtakeyouto
lunch.”Reality,likeathousandtonsofbricks,cametumblingaboutMissPettigrew.“Iwon’tbethere,”saidMissPettigrewinaflatvoice.“Thatdoesn’tmatter.Wherewillyoube?”“Idon’tknow,”saidMissPettigrew.“Don’tknow,”saidJoeinsurprise.MissPettigrewslowlysatup.Sheturnedawayherhead.Shefoughttokeep
backweak,hopelesstears.“Ihavebeenleadingyouastray,”saidMissPettigrewinamuffledvoice.“I
amnotwhatyouthinkIam.Ineverthoughtyouwouldeverwanttoseemeaftertonight,soIdidn’tthinkyouneedknow.Imusttellyouthetruthnow.”
“Ioftenthink,”saidJoecautiously,“thattruthisthebettercourse,butifyoudon’twanttotellme…”
“Ihaveliedtoyou,”saidMissPettigrew.“IamnotreallyafriendofMissLaFosse.”
“Butshesaidyouwere,”saidJoe,bewildered.“Shewasonlybeingkind,”saidMissPettigrew.“TheseclothesIhaveon.
They’renotmine.They’rehers.Sheonlyloanedthemtomeforthenight.”“What’sthatgottodowithit?”askedJoe.“Thisfaceyousee,”saidMissPettigrewvaliantly,“whichI…Ithinkyou
like.Itisn’treallymine.MissDubarryandMissLaFossejustmadeitupontopofmyown.I’mreallyaveryplain,dowdy,spinster.Youwouldn’treallylikeme.”
“IthinkImight,”saidJoe,manfullykeepinghisfacestraight.“IhappenedtodoalittlethingforMissLaFossethismorning,”explained
MissPettigrewinatremulousvoice,“andsheverykindlyentertainedmealldayandbroughtmetonight,butshedoesn’treallyknowme.”
“Don’tyouthink,”saidJoe,“ifyou,well,beganatthebeginning.I’malittlebewildered.”
“ImetMissLaFosseforthefirsttimeinmylifethismorning,”confessedMissPettigrew,“whenIwenttheretotryandgetapost.”
ShethoughtshehadbetternottellJoewhatkindofapost,ashemightknownothingaboutthechild,orchildren,MissLaFosseprobablyhadtuckedaway,sosheskippedtheemploymenttactfullyandinastammeringvoicetoldJoethehistoryofherday’sadventures.Joewasdelightedwiththem.Hethumpedhis
historyofherday’sadventures.Joewasdelightedwiththem.Hethumpedhiskneewithappreciation.
“You’reaworld’swonder,”saidJoedelightedly.“WhatdoIcarewhetheryouareinworkoroutofwork!What’syourrealaddress?I’llcallthere.”
MissPettigrewflushed,thenwentwhite.Shestammeredpainfully.“Ihaven’tany.Iowemylandladyrent.ShesaidifIdidnotgetaposttoday,I
hadtoleave.Ihavenotgotapost.”“IfIcouldbeofanyassistance,”offeredJoetactfully.“Oh,perhapsyoucould.”MissPettigrewturnedwitheagerhopefulness.
“Youseemsuchanimportantman.Youmustknowalotofpeople.Perhapsamongyournumerousfriendsoneofthemmightbewantingagovernessandyoucouldatleastmentionmyname.That’swhatIam.Agoverness.”
“Oh!”saidJoe,whoseofferofassistancehadmeantamuchmoreimmediatepecuniaryadvantage.
“OfcourseIwill,”headdedhastily.“IamquitesureIwillbeabletofindyousomething.Havenofear.”
MissPettigrew’sfacelightenedwithpatheticrelief,thencloudedagain.“Ohdear!”shesaidindistress.“Ihadbetterbehonest.Imean,itwouldn’tbe
fairtoyou,givingapersonalrecommendation,notknowing.Iamnotaverygoodgoverness,”saidMissPettigrewhopelessly.“Itwouldhavetobeaverysimplepost.InmylastplaceI’mafraidthetermgovernesswasonlyapolitefictionforakindofnursemaid.Youhadbetterknowtheworst.”
“Iquiteunderstand,”saidJoe.“Thedifficultyisnotinsurmountable.”“Youaresokind,”stammeredMissPettigrew.“Andnow,”saidJoe,“I’mverylonelybackhereallbymyself.”HedrewMissPettigrewbackandhisarm,veryfirmly,wentroundheragain.TheyarrivedatOnslowMansions.Joedismissedthetaxiandcameintothe
buildingwithMissPettigrew.Thehallwasempty.Thenightporterwasnotinsight.JoepreparedtoascendwithMissPettigrewtohaveaprivatewordwithMissLaFosse,butMissPettigrewstayedhim.
“Ifyoudon’tmind,”saidMissPettigrewshyly,“Ihadbettergoupalone.MissLaFossehasbeenexceptionallygoodtome.Icouldnottakeituponmyselftobringupanuninvitedguest.Itwouldbetrespassingonherkindnesstoomuch.Icouldnotdosuchathing.Iamquitesureshewouldnotlikeit.”
“Justasyouwish,”saidJoe,valiantlytryingtoreachMissPettigrew’sstandardofpoliteness,andtoseeMissLaFosseasanoutragedhostess.Delysia,hewaswellaware,wouldn’tnoticeanythingamissifMissPettigrewarrivedbackwithtenstrangemen.
backwithtenstrangemen.“Hereismycard,”saidJoefirmly.“Youaretobetheretomorrowattwelve
prompt.IfyoudonotcomeIshallputdetectivesonyourtrack.Promise.”“Oh!”whisperedMissPettigrew.“Youreallythinkyouwillbeabletofind
somethingforme?”“Iamquitesure,”saidJoewithsuchameaningglancethatMissPettigrew’s
heartmissedtwobeats,“Iwillbeabletofindsomepositionforyou.”“Oh,thankyou,”saidMissPettigrewbreathlessly.“I…Iwouldn’ttroubleyou
only…onlyI’mgettingalittlecowardly.Itissoveryworryingbeingoutofaposition.”
“Notrouble,”saidJoe.“Apleasure.Nomoreworrying.”“Goodnight,”saidMissPettigrewshyly.“Andthankyouforthehappiest
nightofmylife.”Sheheldoutherhand,butJoewasnotaccustomedtosuchformality.Miss
Pettigrewwasoncemoreengulfedinaheartymasculineembraceandsoundlykissed.
“Untiltomorrow,”saidJoe.MissPettigrewwalkedupthefirstfewstairsalittledazedwithhappiness.JoeroutedoutthenightporterandinquiredMissLaFosse’stelephone
number.Hewaitedtenminutesandputthroughacall.“Hallo!”saidMissLaFosse’svoice.“Thatyou,Delysia?”inquiredJoe.“Yes,”saidMissLaFosse.“Who’sthat?”“It’sme,Joe,butdon’tsayanything.MissPettigrewthere?”“Yes.”“Keephertonight,willyou?”“Sure.”“I’llexplaininthemorning.Don’ttellher.”“That’sO.K.”“I’llbearoundearly.”“Nottooearly.I’llkeepthebird.”“Rightyouare.Good-bye.”“Good-bye.”Joehungupthetelephone.
M
CHAPTERFIFTEEN
3.6AM—3.47AM
issPettigrewwalkedupthefirstfewstairslikeasleep-walker.Herfeetsankintothedeepcarpet.Thebuildingwassilent.Dimlightslitthestairsandcorridors.Thequietnessinducedmeditation.Slowlyhersense
ofhappinessdeparted.Shefaltered.Herstepslagged.Herfairy-taleworldfaded.Shestaredinfrontofherataphantomfearwhichloomedahead.
Herdaywasover.Ithadbeenawonderfulday,butitwasover.Shesawherselfclearlyagainjustasshereallywas:asshehadbeenonherfirsttripupthesestairssoshortatimeago,penniless,outofwork,nervous,unattractive.Thatwasherrealself.ShehadbeensomethingalittleeccentricandhighlyentertainingtoMissLaFosseforaday,andMissLaFossewasaccustomedtoindulgeherwhims,butsheknewquitewellwhatMissLaFosse’sfinalreactionwouldbe.
Shewouldarrive,giveMissLaFossebackherclothes,putonheroldonesagain,returntoheroldself,lookalittleseedy,alittledown-at-heels,unprepossessing.MissLaFossewouldfeeluncomfortableandalittleirritatedandwouldwonderhowshecouldmostconvenientlyridherselfofanencumbrance.
MissPettigrewcouldn’tbearhertothinkthat.Anythingratherthanthat.Shemadeaterrifiedvow.
Shewouldrushin,pretendshewasinahurry,hustleintoherownclothes,givehastythanksandmakeaquickdeparture.MissLaFosse’smemoryofhershouldn’tbetingedbyasingleminute’sdiscomfort.
Havingmadethiscourageousvow,MissPettigrew’sstepsstillrefusedtoquicken.Insteadtheywentevenslowerandslower,whileshetriedtofightoffaparalysingterror.Mrs.Pocknallwouldneverletherinnow.ShewouldneverdareknockupMrs.Pocknallatthisscandaloushour.Shewouldhavetowalkthestreetsfortheremainderofthenight.Sheleanedtremblingagainstthewall.
Afterafewseconds’completesubmissiontopanicsheslowlyresumedherupwardclimb.ShereachedMissLaFosse’scorridor:sawthenowfamiliardoor.Wasitonlythismorningshehadlookeduponitasastrangedoorand
Wasitonlythismorningshehadlookeduponitasastrangedoorandapproacheditwithtimidapprehension,wonderingwhatreceptionithadforher,dreadingfailure,prayingforonceherfearwouldbewrong,neverinwildestimaginationdreamingwhatdidawaither?
“Butit’sover,”thoughtMissPettigrew.“I’vehadmyday.Ihavebeenverylucky.Someneverevenhavethat.Imustbebrave.”
Shetookanothersteptowardstheend.ThesilkyfurofMissLaFosse’scoatstillenvelopedher,butitwasonlythereinfact,notinspirit.InspiritMissPettigrewwasagainwearingheroldtweedcoat,herbatteredfelthat,herdown-at-heelsshoes.Inspiritshewastheineffectivegovernessagain,withneithercourage,initiativenorcharm.Nomanwouldeverlikeherasshereallywas.Flirtingwasacharminggame.Menknewyouexpectedthemtoflatteryouandgratifiedyourwish,buttheyexpectedyoualsotogreettheirremarksinlikespirit.Itwasonlyherstupidinexperiencewhichhadmadehertakeeverythingseriously.
Ifsheturneduptomorrowinhertrueguise,wouldnotMr.Blomfieldwonderwhatinheaven’snametodowithherandhowtogetridofherpolitely?Shewouldsitinanagonyofhurtandshameandembarrassment.Shecouldnotfaceit.Shewouldnevergonearhimagain.
“No…No.Neverthat,”whisperedMissPettigrewtoherself.“Atleastheshallalwaysthinkofmeashesawmetonight.”
ShestoodatMissLaFosse’sdoorwhilethesecondstickedaminute.Shecouldnotbringherselftoring,toendeverything.
“Youhavebeenverykind,mydear,”thoughtMissPettigrew;“Iwillnotembarrassyou.”
Sheliftedherhandslowlyandpressedthebell.Thebelltrilledinside.Therewasashortwait.Thedoorflewopen.
“Guinevere,”criedMissLaFosse.“Younaughtygirl.Yougiddyoldkipper.Wherehaveyoubeen?IthoughtI’dlostyou.Comeinatonce.HasJoeseducedyou?Tellmetheworst.”
“Imusthur…”beganMissPettigrewfeebly,stilldeterminedonherresolve,butMissLaFosse,standingthere,lookingaslovely,butmuchhappierthanthefirsttimeshesawher,andgreetingherwithobviouspleasureandwelcome,madeacowardofheragain.
“Comeintothefireatonce,”orderedMissLaFosse.“Youlookhalf-frozen.Michael,movethatsheerhulkfrominfrontofthewarmth.”
MissPettigrewwasdrawntowardsthefire.Michaelboundedtohisfeet.HedescendedonMissPettigrew.Shefoundherselfenvelopedinamightyhug.Heswungheroffherfeetandkissedhersoundly.
swungheroffherfeetandkissedhersoundly.“I’veneverwantedtohugawomansomuchbefore.No.Notevenyou,
Delysia.I’dhavestayedhereallnighttillyoucame.”MissPettigrewwasbewildered.Shehadnoideawhatallthisexuberancewas
about.Shewastoowrappedupinherowntroubles.Butthatdidnotmeanshedidnotenjoyit.Shedid.Shehadneverthoughtkissingwassotrulydelightfulbefore.Shewasgettinggreedyforkisses.Whatshewoulddo,whenshereturnedtoheroldlifeandnomorecameherway,shedidnotknow.Pinkwithpleasureshewasputonherfeetagain.MissLaFossehoveredsolicitously,beamingatthemboth.
“Letmehelpyouoffwithyourcoat,”offeredMissLaFosse.“Sithere,”saidMichael.Thefirewasglowingbrightly.Thechesterfieldwasdrawnuptoitsheat.A
potofcoffeeandcupsstoodonasidetable.Itscomfortingsmellfilledtheroom.Itsaromaseducedhercourage.MissPettigrewhadtoforceherselftospeak.
“Ireallymust…”beganMissPettigrewagainbravely.“Haveacupofcoffee,”saidMichael.“Youmusthaveacupofcoffee.Chills
aredangerousonanightlikethis.Givemeclearfrostanyday.”Hepickedupthecoffee-pot.MissPettigrewfoundasteamingcupinher
hand.“I’llhaveanother,”saidMissLaFosse.“SowillI,”saidMichael.“Sitdown,”saidMissLaFosseagain,tothestill-standingMissPettigrew.
“Drawuptothefire.There’ssuchaheaptotalkabout.Wherehaveyoubeensolong?”
“Mefirst,”saidMichael.“I’vesimplygottoknowhow…”Thetelephonebellrang.“Bother,”saidMissLaFosse,gettingup.“Atthishour!Howdotheyknow
I’mnotinbed?”“Knowingyou,Iexpect,”saidMichael.MissLaFossepickedupthereceiver.“Hallo!…Yes.Who’sthat?…Yes…Sure…That’sO.K…Nottooearly.I’ll
keepthebird…Good-bye.”MissPettigrewhadstoodupandlaiddownhercoffee-cup.Thetelephone
ringingwasalwaysmomentous.Itmightpresageanything.Michaelhadalsorisenandlaiddownhiscup.Hisexpressionwasslightlytense.IfthatbounderCaldarelliwastryingalast-minuteassault,he’dfinishhim.ByGod!Evenifhehadtomurderhim.
hadtomurderhim.“Allserene,”saidMissLaFossecasually.“Justapal.”MichaelrelaxedandturnedbeamingtoMissPettigrewwhowasstillstanding
alittleuncertainly,tryingtopluckupcouragetobeginherlittleactofexit.“Sitdownandtellmewhereyou’vebeen,”demandedMissLaFosseagain.“I’mfirst,”saidMichael.“I’vegottoknow.Ican’trestuntilIdoknow.How
didyoudoit?Howwasthebrainwaveborn?Howcouldarespectablemaidenladyprovokesuchashatteringofallthecanonsofgoodbehaviour?I’mnotconventional.Ineverhavebeen,yetImustconfessitneverenteredmyheadtofloutalltherulesandsockamanonthejaw.ThereIstood,likeastuckpig,andittookyouatthecriticalmomenttodirectmybraintothesensible,masculinedeedthatshouldhavebeendonemonthsago.”
“Oh!”exclaimedMissPettigrew,lightdawning.“Tellme,”pleadedMichael.“Whencetheinspiration?”MissPettigrewlookedalittlesheepish.Itwasallsosimplyexplained,butif
theylikedtothinkshewasmarvellous,shecouldnotresisttheflattery.“Expound,”beggedMichael.“EthelM.Dell,”saidMissPettigrew.“Eh?”saidMichael.“Riddle-me-ree,”saidMissLaFosse.“Simple,”saidMissPettigrewmodestly.“Toyou,”saidMissLaFosse,“nottome.”“Speech,”saidMichael.ThefloorwasMissPettigrew’s.Shetookit.“Oh!”saidMissPettigrewtremulously,“theexplanationissimple.Ihave
passedthroughlifewithverylittleexperience,butIstillhaveFeminineInstincts.Deepinthefemalebreastburnsaloveoftheconqueringmale.EthelM.Dellknewhersex.Allhermenwerehe-men.Iknowmysextoo,thoughIamstupidonothersubjects.Irememberedyouwereahe-mantoo.Youhadsockedapoliceman.IfNickhadsprungupandgivenbattle,allwouldhavebeenlost.Evenifyouhadbeatenhim,whichwasverylikely,seeingyouareabiggerman,hiswillingnesswouldstillhavebeatenyou.ButIbankedonthefactthatNickwouldfunkit.Heseemedthekindwhomight.Itwasagamble,butIriskedit.Itcameoff.Thatisall.”
MissPettigrewendedbreathlessly.“All,”breathedMichael.“Sheknowseverything,”saidMissLaFosseinawe.“Whatawoman!”saidMichael.“Whatawitch!”saidMissLaFosse.
“Whatawitch!”saidMissLaFosse.“Imustdohomage,”saidMichael.HekissedMissPettigrewagain.Allblushes,thoroughlyenjoyingit,Miss
Pettigrewsaidhappily.“YouwillmakeMissLaFossejealous.”“Thatyoumight,”agreedMissLaFosse.“Butevenifyoudidtakehimfrom
me,I’dhavetoadmitthebestmanwon.”“Iwassoterrifiedyouwouldchoosethewrongman,”gaspedMissPettigrew
inrelief.“Youhavechosentherightone,haven’tyou?”“Yes,”saidMissLaFosse.“Youbet,”saidMichael.“Therelief…!”saidMissPettigrewweakly.“You’venoidea.”“Sitdown,”triumphedMichael.“Drawupandexult.”“Yourcoffee,”worriedMissLaFosse;“itmustbequitecold.Ishallgetsome
fresh.Michaelshallhelp.”ShewinkedatMichael.Michaelfollowedherintothekitchen.“ThatwasJoeonthe‘phone…”whisperedMissLaFosseoutofhearing.Theybroughtbackhotcoffee.MissPettigrewfoundherselfbackinherchair
infrontofthewarmfire,coffee-cupinhand,vowforgotten.Shehadtoheardetails.
“Tellme,”saidMissPettigrewwithexcited,shiningeyes.“We’regoingtogetmarried,”saidMissLaFosse.“Atonce,”saidMichael.Theysatlookingliketwohappychildren.Itwasimpossibletohaveanyone
sointenselyinterestedintheirwelfareasMissPettigrewwithoutfeelinggratification.Itmadetheirmarriagenotjustoneamongamillion,butoneofsomepeculiarimportance.MichaelleanedforwardandtouchedMissPettigrew’shand,hishumourgone.
“Thankstoyou,”saidMichaelinalowvoice.“I’msohappy,”saidMissPettigrewshyly.“Allmyfearsatrest.”“SoamI,”saidMissLaFosse.“Thenyouapproveofme?”askedMichael.“Yes.”“Despitemy…flamboyanttemperament,”challengedMichaelwithatwinkle.“Becauseofit,”saidMissPettigrew.“Expoundtheoracle,”saidMichael.“Therearepeopleandpeopleintheworld,”explainedMissPettigrew.“Some
aremeantforquietdomesticity.Somearenot.MissLaFosseisnot.Neitherare
aremeantforquietdomesticity.Somearenot.MissLaFosseisnot.Neitherareyou.Itisrightyoushouldmate.It’sonlywhenthewronghalvesinsistontryingtojointhatyougetallthetrouble.”
“Thenyoudon’tbelievethewedding-bellsshouldsoundlikeclosing-time?”askedMichaelwithrisingspirits.
“Iamnoauthorityoninebriatepsychology,”saidMissPettigrewseverely;“thoughanoutsideobserver,I’vebeenontheinsideofmanymarriages.Thisold-fashionedideaofsettlingdownonmarriage,”lecturedMissPettigrewcarefully,“isquiterightinitsway,aslongastherightcouplesettlesdowntogether.Butiftherightcoupledon’twishtosettledown,theydonotceasetoberight.Thereisweightofevidencetosupportthisview.”
“Theweightofevidencehastakenaloadoffmymind,”saidMichaelsolemnly.
“It’sagreatcomfort,”saidMissLaFosse,“tobearightcouple.”“Ihavenowishtosettledown,”decidedMichael.“Domesticityisdead,”concurredMissLaFosse.“Twomindswithbutasinglethought,”saidMichael.“Andthatonebright,buthardlyproper,”saidMissLaFosse.“Once,”saidMissPettigrewcontemplatively,“Ithoughtotherwise.I
belongedtothesettling-downbrigade.Itwasmyhighestidealofmarriedbliss.ButtodayIhavelearnedalot.”
“Ah!”saidMissLaFossewithacumen.“‘Ihearthosegentlevoicescalling.’YougotonwellwithJoe.”
“Mr.Blomfieldisaverycharmingman,”saidMissPettigrewwithreserve.“Youcouldn’tcallhimasettler-down.”“Igatherednot.”“Butyoulikehim.”“Weseemedtohavetastesincommon,”saidMissPettigrewcautiously.“Harkatthewoman!”saidMichael.“Whatsirenstrainsarethese?Tastesin
common!PiggingintothefleshpotsofEgypt?WhathasshedonetoJoe?”“Iinsist,”demandedMissLaFossewithinterest,“onlearningwhatdark
deedsyouhavebeenuptowithmyoldfriendJoe.”“Yes,youngwoman,”saidMichael.“Explain.Youarrivewithcomplete
effrontery,noexplanation,three-quartersofanhourafterus,althoughwealllefttogether.”
MissPettigrewflushedandlookedalittleguilty.“Iknow,”joyouslyclaimedMissLaFosse.“Hekissedher.”“He’dbeafoolifhedidn’t,”commentedMichael.MissPettigrew’sfacewasacompletegive-away.
MissPettigrew’sfacewasacompletegive-away.“Iknewit,”triumphedMissLaFosse.“Youslyminx.Afterallyourlectures
tome.TakingpoorJoeforajoy-ride.Whatchancehadheagainstyourcharms?”
“Theseabandonedwomen.”Michaelshookhishead.MissPettigrewhastilygatheredtogethertheshredsofhertattereddignity.“Iassureyou,”saidMissPettigrewearnestly,“Ididitforthebest.Mr.
Blomfieldsaidyouhadjustgottogetherandwoulddefinitelynotwanttobedisturbedforalittlewhile.Hesuggestedashortrununtilyouhadtimeto…togetyourselvesadjusted.”
Michaelgrinned.“Soundman,Joe.I’llstandhimadrinknexttimeIseehim.”“Idon’tbelieveit,”saidMissLaFosse.“Youturnedthegladeyeonhimand
hecouldn’tresistyou.”SuddenlyMissPettigrewgiggled,lookednaughtilywicked,alittlearch.To
beteasedaboutaman!Itwasdefinitelyfascinating.“Iknewit,”repeatedMissLaFosse.“Tellmetheworst.”“Iadmit,”saidMissPettigrewwithguiltypleasure,“Mr.Blomfieldplaced
hisarmroundmeinthetaxi.Itwasverycoldandhedidnotwishmetogetachill.”
“Oh!Oh!”criedMissLaFosse.“Excuses!Suchexcuses!”MissPettigrewfoundthatshecouldnottellevenMissLaFosseandMichael
aboutJoe’skisses.Theywereprivatebetweenthemselves:tooprecioustobedetailedeventothebestoffriends.
“Oh,youtiresomeSphinx!”criedMissLaFosse.“Hekissedyou.Come.Confess.”
“Well,”saidMissPettigrewgrudgingly,“hedidkissmegoodnight.Iunderstanditisthecustomamongpeopleofyour…yourBohemiantendencies.”
MichaelandMissLaFosseburstoutlaughing.“Bohemiangirls!”criedMissLaFossejoyously.“AndoldSpanishcustoms!”“Staymewithflagons!”gaspedMichael.“Oystersarein.Herlipsare
sealed.”“Neversaydie,”chokedMissLaFosse.“Fetchmeatin-opener.”MissLaFosseteasedher.Michaelteasedher.MissPettigrewgrewpinkerand
pinker,hersmilesbroaderandbroader.Sheforgotallaboutdeparture.Theclockcreptround.
“GoodLord!”saidMichaelatlast.“Imustbeoff.”ItwasliketheknellofdoomsoundingtoMissPettigrew.Suddenlyshe
ItwasliketheknellofdoomsoundingtoMissPettigrew.Suddenlysheremembered.Shescrambledtoherfeet.
“Goodgracious!Iforgotthetimeaswell.Imustgotoo.Imustrush.HowcouldIforget?Imustchangeyourclothesatonce.Iwillfly.”
“Nonsense,”saidMissLaFosse.“You’restayingthenight,ofcourse.”MissPettigrewfoughtwithtemptation.Shecaughtholdofachairtosteady
herself.Shecouldnotspeakfortwoorthreeseconds.Shedrewadeep,quiveringbreath.
“Thankyou,”saidMissPettigrewatlast.“Youhavebeenverykind,mydear,butImustgo.YouandIhavehadaverypleasantdaytoday,buttomorrowwillbedifferent.Icannottrespassonyourkindnessfurther.Icouldn’tbearthisdaytobespoiledbya…ananticlimax.”
“Well,”saidMissLaFosse.“AfterthewayI’dcountedonyou!Ididn’tthinkyouwouldbesounkind,leavingmeinthelurchlikethis.”
“Inthelurch?”saidMissPettigrew,bewildered.“Ifyouwon’tstay,I’llhaveto,”saidMichael.“That’sallthereistoit.It’s
drastic,Iknow,andIhopenoonewilllearnforDelysia’ssake,butI’llhavetodoit.”
“That’sright,”saidMissLaFossefirmly.“Iwillnotbeleftalone.Nickmightturnupanytime.I’dbeafraidtobeleftalone.”
MissPettigrewlookedfromonetotheother.Theylookedveryserious,alittlereproachful.SuddenlysherememberedNickhadakey.DidMichaelknow?Hecouldnot.NowonderMissLaFossewasnervous.
“Ifyoureallyneedme!”stammeredMissPettigrew.“Iwouldn’tintrude…butifyoureallyneedme?”
“You’llstay,”criedMissLaFosse.“Iknewyouwouldn’tletmedown.”“Myeternalgratitude,”saidMichael.“I’dhatetocompromiseDelysia,but
I’dhavetodoit.Ican’thaveherupset.”“Certainlynot,”saidMissPettigrewsternly.“Iwouldn’tcountenancesucha
thing.I’llstayifyouaresureyouwantme.”ShethoughttherehadbeenquiteenoughcompromisingofMissLaFosse
already,evenifMichaelknewnothingaboutit.Itwashightimeasensiblewomanlikeherselftookcharge.AnditwasalmostamiraclethatMissLaFosseshouldreallyneedherforthenight.Thingsalwayslookedsomuchbrighterinthemorning.Shecouldsetoffinsearchofajobwithrenewedcourage.Shehadnotknownquitehowterrifiedshehadbeenofspendingthenightoutsideuntiltheneedhadgone.Thefloodofreliefthatpouredthroughherleftherquiteweak.
“That’ssettled,”saidMichael.“Isaidwecouldcountonyou.Where’smy
“That’ssettled,”saidMichael.“Isaidwecouldcountonyou.Where’smyhat?Where’smycoat?Where’smywoman?Goodnight,darling!Now’sthetimeforyourBohemiantendencies.”
“Yourcoat,”gaspedMissPettigrew.“Thebedroom.Iwillputitaway.”SheseizedMissLaFosse’sfurcoatandbeatahastyretreatintothebedroom.
Therewasanintervalofsilence.Thedoorbanged.“Allclear,”calledMissLaFosse.“Youcancomeoutofhiding.Nothingto
shockyourmodestynow.”
M
CHAPTERSIXTEEN
3.47AM—?
issPettigrewcameoutlookingembarrassed.“Iunderstand,”saidMissPettigrew,“thatyoungpeoplealways
prefertheirfarewellstobeinprivate.”“Youmakeanidealchaperone,”saidMissLaFosse.“I’lldoasmuchfor
you.”“Now,”saidMissPettigrew,“itisverylate.Ithinkyouhadbettergetstraight
tobedandgetagoodnight’ssleep.”“Ohno,”pleadedMissLaFosse.“I’mnotabittired.Dolet’ssitandhavea
littlechat.Menareallrightintheirplace,butIdolikeanicefemininegossip.”“Strangetosay,”saidMissPettigrewhappily,“I’mnotatalltiredmyself.”Theysatinfrontofthefire.“Soyou’rereallygoingtomarryMichael,”saidMissPettigrewcontentedly.“Yes,”saidMissLaFosse.“Ican’ttellyouhowgladIam,”saidMissPettigrewearnestly.“Itsetsmy
mindatrest.”“Wereyouasworriedasallthat?”askedMissLaFosse.“Iwas,”saidMissPettigrew.“IknewthatintheendNickwouldleaveyou
unhappy.Iknowthatitisveryeasyforanoutsidertoadviseandverydifferentwhenitisyourselfsufferingthepangsoflove,buttherearetimesinthislifewhenallisnotworthlosingforlove.”
“You’requiteright,”saidMissLaFossesoberly.“ButwithoutyouIwouldneverhavebeenfree.Itwasnouse.TheminuteNicksaid‘Come’Ihadtogo.”
Bothwomenweresilentamoment.Eachwasseeinginhermind’seyeNickslowlydisappearingfromtheroom,withhisdarkhead,hisbrilliantblackeyes,hisbittertongue,hiscompellingglances,hiswickedlittleblackmoustache,hislithe,felinebody.Nickhadlostthisonce,buthewouldstillcarryonhisconqueringways,stillbringjoyandsorrowtootherwomen.MissLaFossewouldalwayshatehersuccessors.MissPettigrewgavehimalastregretfultribute.Wickedhemightbe,butfascinatingheundoubtedlywas.
“Somemenarelikethat,”agreedMissPettigrew.
“Somemenarelikethat,”agreedMissPettigrew.“Yes,”saidMissLaFosseinalowvoice.“Nickwas.”MissPettigrewleanedforwardandcaughtMissLaFosse’shand.“Butnotnow,”pleadedMissPettigrewurgently.“Promisemenotnow.It
doesn’tmatterwhetherhecomesandgoesdownonhisknees,promisemeyouwon’tgobacktohim.”
ThedoorclosedfirmlyonthewraithofNick.“Neveragain,”promisedMissLaFosseearnestly.“Itwasjustasyousaid.
WhenMichaelstoodtoweringoverhim,IfeltasurgeofprideinMichael.WhenNicksprangtohisfeetinafury,IfeltasurgeofprideinNick.Andthen…whenhehesitated…Idon’tknow.Somethingjustwent‘click’insideme,andIsawthathewasalljust…justice-cream.Andhemeltedaway.Justlikethat.Hecouldn’tgetmebacknowifhetried.”
“Therelief!”sighedMissPettigrew.“Ican’tdescribeit.”“Suchaday!”saidMissLaFosse.“Everythingwentwrongandeverything
wentright.ButIdaren’tthinkwhatwouldhavehappenedifyouhadn’tcome.”“Ohdear!”saidMissPettigrew.“Ohdear!”Sherememberedsuddenly.ShehadnotyettoldMissLaFossewhyshehad
come.Shehadbeenwickedlyremissaboutituptonow,butshecouldnotsleepincomfortunlessherconfessionwasmade.Thetimehadcome.Shecouldevadeitnolonger.
“ThereissomethingImusttellyou,”saidMissPettigrewinastrainedvoice.“Yes,”saidMissLaFosseexpectantly.“It’swhyIdidcomehere,”saidMissPettigrewbravely.“Ihavetriedtotell
youonceortwice,butyoualwaysinterrupted.”“Ididn’twanttohear,”saidMissLaFosse.“Ittakesawaythefun,knowing
aboutpeople.Supposeyouhadcomesellingvacuumcleaners,whatananticlimax!Whocouldbethrilledoveravacuumsalesman?Youaren’t,areyou?”
“No,”saidMissPettigrew.“Butyoumustlistennow.”“I’mquitewillingnow,”saidMissLaFosse.“I’mreallyveryinterested.
ThereIwas,inthemostdesperateofstraits,andbang,outoftheblueamiracle-workerappearedandpulledmeoutofthefire.”
“Iamagoverness,”saidMissPettigrew.“IcameinanswertoyourinquiryatMissHolt’sRegistryOfficeforagoverness.”
Itwasoutatlast.Shelookedaway.Shesatinhertruecolours,asupplicantforMissLaFosse’spatronage.
“Myinquiry?”askedMissLaFosse.MissPettigrewnodded.
MissPettigrewnodded.“MissHoltgavemeyouraddress.”“Oh!”saidMissLaFossewithanexpressionlessface.Therewasapause.“Wouldyoulikeittobeaboyoragirl?”askedMissLaFosse.“Ohdear!”saidMissPettigrewnervously.“Imightnamethewrongsex.But
there!Isupposeweallhavepreferences.ImustconfessIfindlittlegirlsrathermoreeasytodealwith.”
“Wouldyoumindifthereweretwo?”askedMissLaFosse.“Oneofeach.”MissPettigrew’sheadspranground.ShestaredatMissLaFosseindismay,
thenlookedawayhastily.“Notatall,notatall,”saidMissPettigrewhurriedly.“Ihavehadtwobefore
quitefrequently.”MissLaFosseexplodedintoapealoflaughter.“Yousolemndarling!Don’tgetalarmed.Iwasonlyteasing.Ihaven’tany.”“Nochildren?”“Nochildren.Notevenaverylittleone.”“Ohdear,I’msoglad!”gaspedMissPettigrewinrelief.“ButyouthoughtImighthave,”saidMissLaFossewithaslydig.MissPettigrewlookedhere,lookedthere,blushedscarlet.“Ihumblyapologize,”saidMissPettigrewinafluster.“Pleaseforgiveme.
HowcouldIthinkofsuchathing!”“Oh,quiteeasily,”saidMissLaFossewithagrin.MissPettigrewlookedreproving.“Whosearethechildrenthen?”askedMissPettigrewwithdignity.“Whichchildren?”“Yourchildren…Imean…thechildren…thegoverness…theregistryoffice,”
saidMissPettigrew,gettingconfused.“Therearen’tany.”“No…nochildren?”“Noneatall.”“But…butyourinquiry?”“Foramaid.Mymaidhasjustleft.MissHoltmusthavemuddledthe
addresses.”“Ohdear!”saidMissPettigrewinaflatvoice.“Ofcourse.Therewasan
inquiryforamaidatthesametime.Irememberhermentioningit.ThenIwillbetoolatenow.Mypostwillbetaken.”
“Well,”saidMissLaFossecautiously,“Ihope,formysake,itis.”“Yoursake?”
“Yoursake?”“Ihaveapropositiontomake,”saidMissLaFosse.“Ihesitatetomakeit.I
knowyouarealady.Youwillnotbeoffended?”“Withyou,never,”saidMissPettigrew,secretlyinaflutter.“Yousee,”explainedMissLaFosse,“MichaelandIaregettingmarried.
Quitesoon.ButMichaelhasakink.Hewillliveinabighousewithbigrooms.Hesayshespentallhisyouthwithafamilyofnineallcoopedinalittleflatwiththewallsclosinginonhimandneveraroomtohimself,andHeWillHaveSpace.Hehashiseyeonabeautifulhousenow,butitisimmense.Wearebothtolivethere.Ican’tlookafterhouses.Iknownothingaboutlookingafterhouses.Ishallbeawayatrehearsalstoo.Iamdistracted.Doyou…couldyoupossiblygiveupyourpresentcareerandcometolivewithusandlookaftermyhouseforme?”
“Me?”whisperedMissPettigrewungrammatically.“Me…cometolivewithyouandMichael?”
“Iwouldn’tinterfere,”promisedMissLaFosse.“Iassureyou.Youcouldrunitjustasyouthoughtright.Therewillbemaids,ofcourse.Ihesitatetoaskyoutotakeonsuchwork,butitwouldbesomarvellousforme.IadmitI’mselfish.ButIcanseeitperfectly.Myhouserunsmoothly.Michael’smealsalwaysontime.Youaperfecthostessatmyparties,sothatforonceIcouldenjoymyselfasaguestatmyownpartieswithoutafrenzyofagitation,andknowingthateverythingwillbeabsolutelyright.Dopleaseconsiderit.Youneednotdecideatonce.”
MissPettigrewbegantotremble.Itwaslikeagreatlightburstingwitharadiancethatspreadandspread.Itwasfeargoneforever.Itwaspeaceatlast.Ahousetorunalmostherown.Howshehadlongedforthat!Marketing,ordering,likeanyotherhousewife.Nomorefrightening,horriblechildrenandtheirterrifyingmothers.Flowerstoputinroomsexactlyasshewantedthem.Shecouldtryherhandatcookingagain.Toreachforty,andnever,sinceshehadlefthomeasagirl,reallytohavecookedanythingproperly!Lonelinessbanished.Ohblessed,blessedthought!Itwasunbelievable.Itwasheavencometoearth.Itwasrest.Itwasrestatlast.
Suddenlyshebegantocry.Shebentherheadandwept.MissLaFossehastilyputherarmaroundher.
“Oh,Guinevere!”saidMissLaFosse.AfterawhileMissPettigrewdriedhereyes.Hernosewasalittlepinkand
herlidsalittlered,buthereyeswereshining,herfacealight.MissPettigrewlookedatMissLaFosse.“Youknowperfectlywell,”saidMissPettigrew,“thatyouaredoingmea
“Youknowperfectlywell,”saidMissPettigrew,“thatyouaredoingmeafavour,notyourself.Iamaverypoorgoverness.Iamaverybadgoverness.Ihateit.Iloatheit.It’sbeenadeadlyweightallmylife.Ican’tmanagechildren.Igrowmoreafraidofthemeveryyear.Eachpostwasworsethanthelast.Everyonewascheaper.Iwasreallyonlyanursemaidinmylast.Iamgettingolder.Soonnoteventhecheaponeswillemployme.Therewasnothingformebuttheworkhouse,andnowyouoffermeahome.Ican’tthankyou.Idon’tknowhow.I’mnotverygoodwithwords.ButI’lllookafteryourhousefrombasementtoatticsandyou’llneverregretit.”
“Now,Guinevere,youmustn’tworktoohard,”admonishedMissLaFosse.“Iinsist,”saidMissPettigrewradiantly.“Ican’thaveyouknockingyourselfup.”“Workyoulikeisapleasure.”“ThenIwon’thaveyoupleasingyourselftoomuch.”“Imusthavethingsdoneproperlyornotatall.”“Youcantellthemaidstodothem.”“Andhavethemputblueflowersinagreenroomandbreakthebestvases
andputdampsheetsonthebeds!Certainlynot.”“Youcantellthemiftheydon’tdothingsproperlytheymustleave.”“Ishallbetheretoseethattheydodothingsproperly.”“Youcan’tmakeyourselfilltryingtobeeverywhereatthesametime.I
won’thaveit.”“Areyou,”askedMissPettigrewindignantly,“oramIrunningthishouse?”“You,”saidMissLaFossemeekly.“Thankyou.”“Notatall.”Thequestionwassettled.MissPettigrew’sfacesuddenlyclouded.Shelookedapprehensive.“WhataboutMichael?”askedMissPettigrewnervously.“ItwasMichael’sidea,”reassuredMissLaFosseearnestly.“Hesaysyouare
hismascotandhedoesn’twanttoloseyounow.Hesaysevenifhedoesmarryme,hestillwantsacomfortablehomeandI’marottenhousekeeper.”
“Howgoodyoubothare!”saidMissPettigrewwithradianthappiness.“Heflattersme.Iwillbeanoviceatfirst,butIwillputmyheartandsoulintoit.Iwilllearn.Youneednotfear.Ihavecastoutfear.Iamanewwoman.”
AbruptlysheleanedtowardsMissLaFosseandsaidbreathlessly,intensely,“Doyoulikeme?”
“Likeyou?”repeatedMissLaFosseinsurprise.“OfcourseIlikeyou.”
“Likeyou?”repeatedMissLaFosseinsurprise.“OfcourseIlikeyou.”“Imeanreallyandtruly.Notjustpolitelybecause;outhinkIhelpedyoua
little.Doyoureallyandtrulylikeme?”“Ithink,”saidMissLaFossegently,“IlikeyoumorethanIhaveeverlikeda
womaninmylifebefore.”“Doyouthinkamancouldlikeme?”“IfIwerehisage,”saidMissLaFossedemurely,“andyouwereyours,I’d
falllikeatonofbricks.ItwasJoeonthe‘phonejustnow.He’scomingroundtomorrow.”
MissPettigrewstoodup.Herfigureexpanded.Hereyesshone.“Ithink,”saidMissPettigrew,“Ihaveabeauatlast.”
THEEND