mintyfresh... fresher than Gaga’s used disco stickSaturday 1st October 2011

Freshers flee to the Founders Hall for freebies galore and taurine-based products to resurrect their spirits

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VICE PRESIDENT EDUCA-TION, MATT BENKA:

“Awhh, it’s limp!“(Apparently he was talking about a guitar.)

Hoarders at University of Bath rejoiced as the Freshers’ Fair 2011 kicked off, offering canny freshers the opportunity to walk away with a veri-table loot of freebies. Companies ranging from Dominos (who were provocatively inviting us to ‘eat them’), Vodafone (handing out free memory sticks), Las Iguanas (20% off) and Waterstones (a free book) all made an appearance, pedalling their wares to the masses. As well as the commercial side of the fair, stalls were run by UoB Security (who regaled us with tales of naughty antics at the bus stop

!EPIC FRESHER WIN!

We totally loved the effort made here by one dedicated fresher (if only we had your name!) and he seemed keen to tell us all about how fine his hunnies were, too. Let us know who

you are for some serious kudos.

CALLING ALL FRESHERS;

DO NOT MISS THE CHANCE TO CHEER ON/RIDICULE YOUR FRESHERS’ WEEK EVENT

MANAGERS AND SABBATICAL TEAM AT THE SABBS v FWEM CHALLENGE.

The last event of Freshers’ Week 2011 prom-ices to be a night of hilarity. Just for once, you freshers will not be the focus of our mockery and you will get a chance to put a face to the

elusive characters who are the the people we have to thank for what has truly been a

fantastic week.

Our reporter gets into the swing of things by showing off her pole dancing skills

and less-that-sensible footwear resulting in unnecessary injury) and student job opportunity companies such as Milk-round helping freshers look to the future. The Plug and The Tub also made their presence known, with

the Fuzzy Ducks drink voucher proving popular amongst the freshers... and the same could be said for the fluffy candy floss stall set up next door. mintyfresh took advantage of the sit-uation, stuffing our pockets with sweets and pos-ing as fresh-faced freshers to nab ourselves some goodies. One mintyfresh reporter even took to

the pole podium, showing off her (debatable) moves to the crowds, apparently in preparation for her appearance at the event later on. Sorry about that, guys. We couldn’t stop her. We hope you managed to bag a

The freebie fair gets into full swing as you freshers took our advice and arrived early!

This chick said the deals on offer were ‘clucking fantastic’ and that he was looking forward to a

‘good laying’ later on. Cheeky.

bargain; but don’t forget to check out the societies and activities fairs on Monday and Tuesday - look out for us at the bathimpact stall for your chance to meet the minty-fresh team. We’ll give you lollipops and ice cream. In the least creepy way possible, obviously.

11:00 to 18:00 Pic and Mix Day Come and try out everything our wonderful societies

have to offer!11:00 to 17:00 Trips and Visits

Loads of trips to places in and around Bath for under-grads and postgrads alike

20:30 to 23:00 Film Night - Princess Mononoke

21:30 to 02:00 TOGA PARTY!Get scouting the charity shops (or your beds) and re-

member to wear some kind of underwear...AM

PM

COMING UP TODAY

You guys were certainly alive in spirit (if not in cos-tume) as the weekend kicks off in red carpet style...

Brought to you by the bathimpact team

www.bathimpact.com

QUOTES OF THE NIGHT:

BEST Dressed Freshers

mintyfresh are LOVING these girls from East-wood 39, what a blast from the past!

- Anonymous fresher: “Who’s speedos are those?” “Some guy’s from upstairs.”- Ali G: “You wanna be my hunnie? You see my hunnies? They fiiiiinnne.”- Ed Tickle from Solsbury: “They’ve been tangoing me for a good two days...“

!EPIC FRESHER FAIL!While we were impressed at the efforts of pouring beer from the top floor into some-one’s mouth, we felt sorry for Calllum from

Quantock who just ended up (unsurprsingly) covered in the stuff...

These are the people we elected to run the SU at the end of last year. We are proud of our choices.

Derhill looks as though it’s not just a place for giant dances to cheesy tunes. One fresher living in the halls admits that she “Walked into the chaplaincy top-less” and screamed “YOU’RE ALL WASTING YOUR TIME!!” Taking atheism to another level, eh? On a lovelier note, two beauts from Nowhere In Particular shared a heartwarming story with mintyfresh to-night. With all the rivalry happening be-tween halls, these two flats have kept the fire door open all week which, although highly illegal, pleased us greatly. Also, awe-some outfits girls! Celebrities: Dead or Alive? mint-yfresh thinks the answer was probably ‘dead’ but seeing a lot of the people who’ve spent so long organising what has been

!FRESHER OF THE NIGHT! Nothing could have prepared mintyfresh for

what occurred on Mendip Level 3 tonight. We walked into a largely empty hallway and sighed in disappointment. Then we entered the kitchen. Kitty and George were caught giving a dramatic impersonation of what

anal relations would look like. The proud pair went on to give us more graphic illustrations, with Kitty screaming “Fresher!” and George threatening to shit on the dance floor if they

didn’t make the mintyfresh cut. Thongs were ripped, nipples peeped out and bum cracks made a bid for freedom. Housemate Jake bravely said what we all thought; “This

floor is fucked up morally.”

an amazing Freshers’ Week finally let their hair down gave us all a warm fuzzy feeling. Well done, guys. The hall first filled with impressive break dancers and then, slowly (very slowly), with various characters from Ali G to Scooby Doo. We never thought we’d see Smurfs, Geri Halliwell and Jessie J all dancing in the same room! When we got to the dancefloor we bumped into something that definitely made us look twice - turns out Zebra man and Ms Disappointed crossed paths and

decided to swap outfits. They might have confused pretty much nobody, but at least we can suggest it may have legitimately involved taking off clothes in toilets. The night began with a north-ern version of Lady Gaga, who was a little more than disappointing (it pains us to say this, although our Editor did get the only shout out of the night for hav-ing a coke can in her hair). As someone who has Gaga tattooed on the back of her thigh, our Ed can safely say this was a fail. Charlotte ‘Gaga’ Hopley performed somewhat half-heartedly, had her mask (for some reason) taped to her face, was a bit breathless, didn’t quite know all the words and couldn’t really sing and dance at the same time - a general prerequisite of stage performers. She even said “put your hands up” instead of using Gaga’s most famous phrase “paws”. Hmm. Her backing dancers, however, put on an epic performance, the male half of the team al-most flashed a little too much, let’s just say mintyfresh would have seen his pubes if they were there to see. They even had the most sombre members of the audience a little moist; “Oh.” said one onlooker. Nina Marie Clarke as ‘Pink’, who your mintyfresh reporters had the plea-sure of meeting before the set, was a last minute replacement for Amy Winehouse, who unfortunately couldn’t make it; lead-ing the event into much more alive and kicking waters (after all, she does have an album called ‘I’m Not Dead’). Nina was a genuine pleasure to talk to and unlike ‘Gaga’, had an interactive presence on stage, grinding on crew and photogra-phers alike during her set. She even ridi-culed Gaga as she dashed off stage shout-ing “I can do a costume change too!”. We approve! All in all, the turnout was, let’s face it… poor. You lot had better turn up tomorrow, we can’t imagine why you’d want to traipse all the way into town again. (Seriously, we’ve done the fresher thing, nights out in town kill your feet AND your wallets). Those who did attend had a thoroughly good night and stum-bled home with minimal effort. Now, off to the toga shop! See you tomorrow...

So is this a disappointed zebra or...?