YOUR GUIDE TO

MELBOURNE’S

BEST BARS

SUMMER 2012/13

A moment of clarity.

MINIBAR 21:

INTRODUCTION

When you notice you’ve left the house bare-legged twice in a row and the salty breeze that crosses your brow is so surprising but so painfully

anticipated that it makes your heart hurdle a rib, you know that that special time has come. But sometimes we forget that initial craving for summer and slip into a languid groove which, while punctuated with festivals or parties here and there, ends up delivering a summer that just wasn’t that different

from the last one. It could be because summer makes us nostalgic, or maybe after a few days of plus-35 weather the medulla melts like a Lego dude on the dashboard. Either way, Melbourne is a living and breathing

animal that wants to play but it isn’t satisfied with endlessly fetching the ball and depositing it at your feet. This guide profiles some of Melbourne’s best bars, pubs and venues, and includes some ideas around seasonal specials, home-spun concoctions and life-affirming jaunts that you should consider

including in your schedule this marvellous summer. The smallest thing could lead you to something far more exciting. As The Band remind us: ‘Change is good / Change is now / Change is what / Change is how / Change is this /

Change is that / Change is where / Change is at.’

Enj oy MiniBar,Cheers,

Zoë Radas

MINIBAR 21 PG. 3

MINIBAR 21 PG. 4

CONTENTS

CREDITSPublisher

Furst Media9428 3600

Editor-In-ChiefAdam Morgan

Features and Bar Editorials Zoë Radas

Design and ProductionBaly Gaudin

Guest ContributorNick Taras

PhotographyCourtney Oder,Brandon Cook

Advertising Co-ordinatorAdam Morgan

NORTH

18. Agent 28419. Bimbo Deluxe20. First Floor21. The Leveson22. Luwow 23. The Royal Derby Hotel24. Whole Lotta Love

SOUTH

30. Red Bennies31. Elwood Lounge32. Hoo Ha33. Iddy Biddy34. Laika35. Lucky Coq

CBD

6. Asian Beer Cafe7. Fathers Office Speak Easy8 . Feddish Bar9. Melb. Central Lion Hotel10. Long Room11. Transit Hotel12. Trunk13. Young And Jacksons

14. FRUITY GOODNESS16. COCKTAIL CORNER

25. OLD MOUT26. LET’S GO OUTSIDE28. BUD WEISER

36. SUMMER SELECTIONS38. HOLGATE BREWHOUSE39. LUCKY DUCK CIDER Co.40. COCKTAIL CORNER41. T.W.I.N.G.T.E42. TRICKY NICKY’S TRICKY PICKYUPLINES

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MINIBAR 21 PG. 6

THE AIR OF THE EAST IN THE CENTRE OF THE CITY

Uplit stone deities greet you as you enter the gorgeous yet minimalistic Asian Beer Café, situated in the upper coves of Melbourne Central. Glowing lanterns dot the ceiling and walls, and long, elegant bamboo trunks hang horizontally over the 20 metre line bar.Effortlessly presenting a mien both sincere and humble, the furniture and ornamentation of this venue is rich in tradition, and includes recycled materials that have been around for 70 years as well as iron and wood from a cargo ship which was sunk by dastardly pirates off the coast of Indonesia.As you may expect the bar stocks a fantastic array of Asian beers, as well as brews from around the globe. If you want something to throw back in a hurry, there is a 15-strong menu of bombs, from the Agwa to the ‘Viagra’, and a list of colourfully-titled shots.The lovely outdoor balcony area is up among the bright, swaying branches of the street trees and must be one of the most scenic spots in the city for you and your pals to park on a sweltering evening.p: 9663 5486

w: asianbeercafe.com.auMon – Sat: 11am ‘til 1amSun: 11am ‘til 11pm

ASIAN BEER CAFÉLEVEL 3, MELBOURNE CENTRAL, MELBOURNE

La Trobe St

Little Lonsdale St

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MINIBAR 21 PG. 7

THE ROARING EPOCH OF SATCHMO PRESERVED ABOVE THE CITY

The 18th Amendment to the Constitution of the United States of America established prohibition of alcoholic beverages in the country. It’s emblazoned on a placard at the street-level entrance to Father’s Office Speakeasy, but ascend the stairs and you’ll find a lush rendition of a 1920s prohibition era bar, where the gals wear feathered headbands and the guys are in spats.Vintage pieces line the establishment including an original Swanston Street sign, and a view of the State Library provides a grand accompaniment to the rest of the décor. There’s a large wrap-around balcony, an opulent dining room with a tin ceiling and lazily roped lighting, art deco-inspired wall sconces and an industrial-style bar with custom made copper beer taps.The cocktail list offers delectable drinks both rough and sweet, as well as ample lashings of whisky and rum to reflect the ‘20s legacy. Punters can fill their bellies from the cosy dinner menu plus a bar menu with such delights as Cajun popcor n shrimp, Louisiana fried chicken wings and shoestring fries.

Little Lonsdale St

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p: 9662 3798w: fathersoffice.com.auSun – Wed: 11am ‘til 12amThurs: 11am ‘til 1amFri – Sat: 11am ‘til 3am

FATHER’S OFFICE SPEAKEASY249 LITTLE LONSDALE STREET, MELBOURNE

MINIBAR 21 PG. 8

AN ALL-IN-ONE DESTINATION OF CLASSIC COMFORT

With an enviable position facing the Yarra but still nestled amongst the stir of Federation Square’s action, Feddish is a naturally bright and clean-lined space. Its enormous River Terrace gives guests views of the water as well as the graceful bones of the Arts Centre spire, while the BMW Terrace (yes, they have two) provides a chance to inspect the geometric bends and metals of the fabulous BMW Auditorium, Feddish’s neighbour in the Square. A warm and inviting atmosphere pervades throughout the entire venue, encouraging you to try the extensive food menu which includes dishes like lamb loin and Tasmanian salmon, or perhaps a beverage package, which are rather inventively arranged: you may choose from the Standard, Premium or Indulgent drinks packages, which have each been assigned a list of drinks guests can select from. You then pay according to the number of hours you wish to stay and drink, per person. That certainly takes the bother out of deciding who gets the next round.

Lonsdale St

p: 9654 5855w: feddish.com.auMon – Sun: 12pm ‘til 10pm

FEDDISHRIVER TERRACE YARRA BUILDING, FEDERATION SQUARE, MELBOURNE

Flinders St

The Mighty Yarra

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MINIBAR 21 PG. 9

PROPER BRITISH QUALITY AND CHEER IN THE CITY’S CORE

For an authentic English public house vibe, where anyone who wants to sit back with a beer and a parma is welcome, you can’t go past the Melbourne Central Lion Hotel. With an amazingly extensive list of entertainments including live cover bands, a soundsystem pumping out both classics and hits, TAB facilities, loads of plasma screens showing the best sporting events as they happen, and even everyone’s secret passion, karaoke, this venue caters for all.The Lion’s Happy Hour runs Monday to Friday, from 4pm ‘til 7pm. After work drinks on a Friday are a boisterous confederacy with the addition of two-for-one basics to the usual hour specials, and on the last Friday of the month all pints are the price of pots.This venue prides itself on its service and inclusive nature, and you are guaranteed a generously mixed crowd when you rock up. For the uninitiated, try attending on a Tuesday for the venue’s very reasonable $15 parma and pot deal, and you may well find that the unpretentious character of the place calls you back before long.

La Trobe St

Little Lonsdale St

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p: 9663 5977w: acemelbourne.com.au/mclionSun – Thurs: 11am ‘til lateFri – Sat: 11am ‘til 3am

MELBOURNE CENTRAL LION HOTELMELBOURNE CENTRAL, LEVEL 3, 211 LATROBE STREET, MELBOURNE

MINIBAR 21 PG. 10

A RICH MIX OF EXPERIENCES AND GUESTS IN A GENEROUS AND STYLISH SPACE

It’s one of Melbourne’s largest venues, but retains the attention to grace and detail that some diminutive establishments struggle with. And that is because style runs through The Longroom’s very wallpaper, which is quickly discernible upon experiencing the excellent modern menu, culturally diverse crowd, prompt and gorgeous staff and luscious cocktails.The prize for tastiest cocktail can be torn in two, with half each pinned on the breasts of the One Night in Paris and the Red Velvet, however insiders recommend the Tequila Mockingbird as a treat for the canny tequila lover, and even as a surprisingly appealing choice for those who aren’t huge tequila fans.The pick of the food menu is the Porterhouse Salad, a lovely light dish absolutely perfect for the warm weather. Regulars remain rightly googly-eyed over the sushi bar, and on Tuesdays and Wednesdays the Midweek Tapas Feast is to die for. On Fridays and Saturdays the place goes off as live DJs spin commercial hits, house and sweet retro mixes.Keep an eye out for Australia Day and Australian Open parties: The Longroom knows how to throw them. Also, if you bring in your MiniBar guide this lovely bunch will give you a complimentary tap beer, house wine or basic spirit before 8pm (one drink per person per copy, only while summer lasts).

Little Collins St

Collins St

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p: 9663 7226w: thelongroom.com.auTues – Thurs: 4pm ‘til 12amFri: 4pm ‘til 3amSat: 5pm ‘til 3am

THE LONGROOMGEORGES BUILDING, 162-168 COLLINS STREET, MELBOURNE

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MINIBAR 21 PG. 11

INCOMPARABLE CITY SCENES THROUGH A SULTRY LENS

The premier place for understated elegance and a bit of vintage glamour, Transit is the city’s address for almost 360 degree views of our most beauteous icons, both structural and organic: the Yarra River, the Arts Centre Spire, Federation Square and the Southbank precinct. You can watch the twinkling orbs of the skyline while you loll on sumptuous sofas of leather, or get up to get down with some great live music.On Thursdays a jazz trio slinks out sophisticated classics and on Saturdays you’ll be treated to lively swing, funk and soul from 10pm.Sharp barstaff can put together a superior cocktail with some of the most delicately crafted adornments you’ve ever seen, and an impressive wine list of local and international drops will see you through until the small hours. Close to many of Melbourne’s cultural establishments, Transit attracts a smooth and cosmopolitan crowd which also isn’t afraid to kick up the ol’ heels.

Lonsdale St

p: 9654 8808w: transitcocktaillounge.com.auSun – Thurs: 5pm ‘til lateFri – Sat: 4pm ‘til late

TRANSIT COCKTAIL LOUNGELEVEL 2 OF TRANSPORT HOTEL, FEDERATION SQUARE, MELBOURNE

Flinders St

The Mighty Yarra

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MINIBAR 21 PG. 12

STRIKING ARCHITECTURE BEGETS A LEAFY AND SUN-FILLED OASIS

Trunk comprises a triple-whammy of awesomeness: a restaurant/bar (which serves the most incredible Crumbed Prawn and Avocado Slider you’ve ever clapped your mouth around plus some delicious pasta and duck dishes) in a beautiful 150-year-old building, an American-style diner (serving burgers and hotdogs amongst other treats) and an outdoor playpen in which to soak up the rays and chill for hours.The pretty tasty staff will whip you up a cocktail jug, and the Blue Lagoon is close to the top of the pile: Olmeca tequila, Blue Curacao, lime and pineapple juice. Otherwise you can sip on a range of beers including Kosciusko, Erdinger, Angry Man Pale Ale and Kirin while you’re listening to tunes ranging from Dolly Parton to Flying Lous to J Dilla.Sunday Sessions are set to begin at the venue as the weather heats up, and you’ll be able to bask in the melodies of some great Melbourne bands. Functions are a speciality, and there’ve even been a few marital knots tied at the place.Trunk has also just launched its Trunk Club, and if you’re a member you’ll receive some capital monthly surpises.

Lonsdale St

p: 9663 7994w: trunktown.com.auMon – Fri: 12pm ‘til 12amSat – Sun: 3pm ‘til 12am

TRUNK275 EXHIBITION STREET, MELBOURNE

Little Lonsdale St

Lonsdale St

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MINIBAR 21 PG. 13

A PLETHORA OF EXCITING CIDERS ALL ON THE ONE ROOF

It’s already an iconic point on the compass – if you were in any doubt, the uproar coming from any and every unlikely corner of Melbourne after Chloe’s scrape with a patron in 2004 should have you convinced – but this summer Young and Jack son’s rooftop area is the place to be for judicious adorers of cider.With potted plants, modgrass underfoot and lights festooned overhead, the Cider Bar stocks a marvellous list of beverages that you can’t get just anywhere. Dr Pilkington’s Miracle Cider, Napoleone & Co. Cloudy Apple Cider, three kinds of Kelly Brothers ciders including a Scrumpy which ferments in a French oak barrel behind the bar, the cheekily-named Old Mout Boysencider and fantastic up-and-comer Lucky Duck are just some of many outstanding Australian and New Zealand craft ciders available on tap.This is certainly the place to soak up the sun and get a couple of new and exciting kinds of fermented apple onto your palate this summer.

Flinders Ln

Flinders St

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p: 9650 3884w: youngandjacksons.com.auMon – Sun: 12pm – 12.30am

YOUNG AND JACKSON’S CIDER BARROOFTOP, CORNER SWANSTON AND FLINDERS STREETS, MELBOURNE

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During summer, sometimes a beer and a barbie is good. But you can’t do that every day, dummy, or you’ll look like Mickey Rourke pretty quickly (that man gets all his vitamins from whatever hors d’oeurve is still lingering in the molars of his paid escort). Ingesting a good kick of fresh fruit with your alcohol counteracts at least part of the diabolic Rourke effect, plus it secretly gives you nourishment and will help you to feel crisp when your very innards are drooping like hot sauerkraut. These ideas are so simple that a cat with macular degeneration could make them, so try ‘em to share with your mates while boosting your protein (growth and maintenance of your cells), fibre (good for your guts), folate (of course for the preggers, but helps create red blood cells even for those of us not currently breeding), magnesium (for bones, teeth and mental wellbeing), and all the vitamins of the alphabet rainbow.

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FRUITY

GOODNESS

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BLOODY MARY

There’s a reason cafe waiters suggest a Bloody Mary when you turn up looking like a bum. This ancient remedy is full of good stuff to kick-start your machinery and includes that magical hair of the dog. Also excellent at any time of your drinking schedule, all you need to do is adjust the alcoholic component depending on whether you’re recovering or starting again. Simply mix all the ingredients up and chill.

To serve two bums, you need:

2 shots vodka

180ml tomato juice

A large pinch of salt

A large pinch of ground black

pepper

A dash of Worcestershire sauce

A few shakes of Tabasco

2 leafy celery sticks to garnish

Optional extras: horseradish,

garlic salt, lemon wedges.

FRUIT ICE CUBES

Frozen grapes are just about the best thing in the land. There’s something about the grape’s natural water to juice ratio that makes it the perfect consistency to eat when frozen – not like a rock, and not like slop. Just right, Goldilocks. You can also do cherries, raspberries or anything little and bouncy. Pop them in your cocktail, wine or vodka to keep it fricka-fresh.

VODKA WATERMELON ON A STICK

This one is easy as hell; you just have to make sure that during prep you prop the thing up somewhere well away from those clowns doing headstand competitions, or me when the playlist gets to Passion Pit.

You need:One whole watermelonA bottle of vodka (you could try gin too)Work out the best angle for the watermelon to sit up on. I know it’s round, but use some props to make it stay. Cut a circular hole in the top of its cranium, just a little wider in diameter than the top of your spirit bottle. Now, after taking the lid off of the bottle of course, carefully upend that thing into the melon. Jam the neck in good, about an inch, and then put the whole thing in your afore-prepared zone of safety. A few hours later when the vodka is all gone from the bottle, take the bottle out and cut the melon up. If you want to be fancy you can put an icy-pole stick through the rind, and everyone can bask with voddy-melon lollipops.

MANGO MARGARITA

Whole mangoes sure are amazing, but when you blend a mango you find you can get the heavenly flesh into your face far more quickly. This margarita recipe is so good you’ll probably be beer bonging them in no time at all. Simply put all the ingredients into a blender and pulse it for a while until the consistency is to your liking. If you think your potion needs diluting (you crazy) add a little bit of mango nectar to the batch.

To serve two, you need:

3 nips (90ml) tequila

2 nips (60ml) of cointreau or triple sec

2 nips (60ml) fresh lime juice

1 mango, peeled, seeded and sliced

1 cup ice

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MOJITO

WHISKEY SOUR

Ingredients50 mls of white rum½ cup of soda½ a lime, cut into wedges2 tablespoons of white sugar (or to taste)10 fresh mint leaves1 cup of ice cubes

Procedure1. Put the mint leaves and a lime wedge into a sturdy glass, and use a muddler to crush it all up and release the mint oils and lime juice.

2. Add two more lime wedges and the sugar, and do your muddling thing again.

3. Fill the glass almost to the top with ice, then pour the rum over the ice and top it up with soda.

4. Stir it up, taste it, and add more sugar if you like. Then garnish with a last wedge and serve that baby up.

Ingredients60 mls of bourbon (it doesn’t have to be a posh brand)20 mls of freshly squeezed lemon juice1 teaspoon of simple syrup (that’s regular sugar dissolved in an equal measure of water)1 or 2 teaspoons of egg white1 maraschino cherry to garnish

Procedure1. Combine the bourbon, lemon juice, simple syrup and egg white in a cocktail shaker with no ice (it’s easier to combine egg white with the other ingredients if they aren’t cold). Shake well for 20 seconds. Add the ice and shake well for another 20 seconds.

2. Strain mixture into a cocktail glass. Garnish with a maraschino cherry.

Be careful with the serpentine Mojito. This highball is so resuscitating that you can be fooled into ingesting far more than your fair share and may end up a purely corporeal mess, despite its conventionally low alcohol content (about 10 percent alcohol by volume, according to the original Cuban recipe).

The noble whiskey sour is positively ambrosial, and it’s hard not to feel pretty spesh while sipping it. Adding egg white to the traditional formula technically makes it a Boston Sour and who wouldn’t want to channel Faye Dunaway or Steve McQueen in the original The Thomas Crown Affair?

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UNDERSTATED CHARM, AUSTRALIAN STYLE

Within simple but sumptuous surroundings, Agent 284 proffers a drinking and dining experience which is akin to relaxing in something like Geoffrey Rush’s home (you’d imagine). Modern but quintessentially Australian, the exposed brick walls, panelled ceilings and floors request you to unbend and order one of the venue’s excellent cocktails or boutique beers. In addition the restaurant menu is affordable and impressive, and you can choose to dine on the street if you’d like to watch the Smith Street promenade and its various creatures of the evening.The restaurant is on the ground floor, with a bar in the character of the Big Apple up the stairs (with chrome lighting and awesome leather Chesterfield-style chairs), and there’s a private ‘Birdcage’ room for more confidential get-togethers.Amongst the original concoctions behind the bar, cocktails highly recommended are the Ginger Lilly and the Jack and the Beekeeper, while the best beer selections include Kung Foo Rice Lager, Murray’s Whale Ale, and the Endeavour Pale Ale.

Otter St

Stanley St

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p: 9416 0058w: agent284.com.auSun – Wed: 8am ‘til 5pmThurs – Sat: 8am ‘til late

AGENT 284284 SMITH STREET, COLLINGWOOD

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A FUN AND ECCENTRIC HAVEN FOR LOVERS OF TUNES

Incredibly, Bimbo’s has now been around for over a decade, but it’s a little cooler than your average ten-year-old (unless we’re talking Nathan Cavaleri back in the day). To celebrate, the flea-market palace is winding back the already atrociously cheap pizzas to their original price of $2 for lunch and $3 for dinner. Nostalgia! The huge range of round treats and mouth-watering hotdogs are best accompanied by a chilled brew to cut through the cheese. Bimbo’s best are 8 Wired Tall Poppy, Stone & Wood Pacific Ale, Epic Armageddon and the unpronounceable Weihenstephaner Hefe. Alternatively, the watermelon martini made with the venue’s own house-infused watermelon vodka is absolutely divine.On the way to the rooftop, stop to play at the secret circle whisper room and then head out to the leafy courtyard, Bimbo’s crown. With gorgeous hanging lamps, a complete bar and an excellent sound system playing sunburnt rock, grumpy disco and weirdo house, it’s the perfect summer spot to lounge like a lizard or get up and dance yourself clean.

Rose St

Kerr St

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p: 9419 8600w: bimbodeluxe.com.auMon – Sun: 11.30 ‘til 3am

BIMBO DELUXE376 BRUNSWICK STREET, FITZROY

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MAINTAIN YOUR STAMINA WITH A DISTINCTIVE COCKTAIL BEFORE YOU DANCE YOUR FACE OFF

For a quality venue where the beats are always slammin’ well into tomorrow, First Floor ticks all the boxes. Nowhere else that offers stretched opening hours and such a cranking dance floor has the level of dedication and originality shown by its staff, so while the lights are low and the limbs are wheeling to whatever blissed-out or disco beats are emanating from the decks, it’s always an inclusive environment.Adhering to its spontaneous ethos, drink specials are re-written up regularly and reflect the current passions or ideas of the bartenders, and this practice promises to continue through the next few months as staff invent ever tastier elixirs to tempt you. Having said this, the regular favourite Fitzroy Iced Tea is head and shoulders above your original Long Island Iced Tea, and is definitely worth a look-in. Check the venue’s website for its revolving list of great music events, which are sometimes held outside of normal hours.

Liecester St

Rose St

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p: 9419 6380w: firstfloor393.comWed: 6pm ‘til lateThurs: 8pm ‘til 3amFri: 10pm ‘til 5amSat: 7pm ‘til 5am

FIRST FLOOR393 BRUNSWICK STREET, FITZROY

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A VENUE FOR ALL OCCASIONS

The Leveson really is a venue for all occasions with its bar, restaurant, courtyard and function rooms. This inner city establishment which is open every day of the week is the place in North Melbourne for after work drinks, lunch or dinner with friends or a Sunday session sitting back enjoying one of the many local or imported beers in their spacious courtyard. Their diverse seasonal menu has a selection of tapas style items to share or the more traditional substantial size meals you would expect like their well renowned chicken Parma and steaks. Such favourites are always available and daily specials keep you guessing about their Menu so you always have plenty of choices. Private Functions are also covered with a choice of function menus which will wow your guests. Perhaps book their boardroom for a private dinner with friends or those clients you want to impress. If it’s not a private function you seek then you can become a VIP member and be kept updated with their hosted parties and big day functions which usually include well known DJs, pumping out those tracks you love to dance to. AFL Grand Final Day, Spring Racing, New Year’s Eve, Super Bowl Party whatever the occasion there is always an event coming up at the Leveson.

Queensberry St

Victoria St

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p: 9328 1109w: theleveson.comMon – Sun: 12pm ‘til late

THE LEVESON46 LEVESON STREET, NORTH MELBOURNE

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LOSE YOUR MIND IN THE DELERIUM OF THIS FABULOUS TIKI PALACE

Step off Johnston Street and into the fiery paradise of The LuWow and you’ll feel simultaneously completely lost and utterly found. Blasting vintage vinyl nuggets from the ‘50s, ‘60s and ‘70s, the venue offers expertly mixed and intricately decorated drinks and the most attentive and sharp (not to mention best dressed) staff around.Every Friday Saturday and the occasional Thursday you can move beyond the splendid front bar to The Forbidden Temple at the building’s heart, which hosts retro party bands, a vinyl DJ up in his treehouse booth, and the famous leopard skin-wrapped Go-Go Goddesses shaking their respective thangs all over the damn place. You can catch a bunch of stellar local and international acts this summer, as well as LuWow’s own Matt Dwyer and the Dynamites.If you’re overwhelmed by the stupendous choice of drinks, start with the overlooked gem The Don’s Zombie, an aromatic and luxurious concoction of syrups, old rums and juices from Don the Beachcomber’s original 1932 recipe.Every Wednesday the venue hosts Ye Olde Rum Club, during which the entire range of over 50 different rums are half price. Don’t waste time planning the rest of your night – leave it up to the rhythms of the vines.

Johnston St

Victoria St

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p: 9417 5447w: theluwow.comWed – Sat: 5pm ‘til late

LUWOW62/70 JOHNSTON STREET, FITZROY

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UNPRETENTIOUS CHOW AND CHEER JUST DOWN FROM THE PARK

When the memorabilia includes an ash-coloured photo from the 1920s depicting The Royal Derby Social Club – a large group of refined and mischievous gentleman in trenches and beautiful hats, posing outside the pub’s façade – you know this is a pretty special place. Playing the kind of old school alternative jams that you want to hear to but that nowhere else seems to want to give you, The Royal Derby is definitely a step above your average Brunswick Street hovel and you’ll have slipped into its laid back fold in no time.It’s got clean, wide open spaces including an enormous beer garden where all the rad action happens, such as the classic Spit Roast Sundays with live acoustic music. Along with the spit roast and steaks, have a go of the vegetarian curry or the New York style Buffalo Wings with blue cheese sauce, which are both highly recommended as complement to the Derby’s top brews: the wonderful Stone and Wood Pacific Ale, and the brand new one from Bulmer’s, the Ginger.Of course you can always grab a Melbourne Bitter long neck, because the Derby encourages you to be festively greedy (responsibly). If you want to only appear demure, pots are $2.50 during Happy Hour (5pm ‘til 6pm on weekdays).

York St

Eastern Hwy St

Bru

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p: 9 417 2321w: royalderbyhotel.com.auMon – Wed: 4pm ‘til lateThurs: 4pm ‘til 3amFri – Sat: 11am ‘til 3amSun: 11am ‘til late

ROYAL DERBY HOTEL466 BRUNSWICK STREET, FITZROY

MINIBAR 21 PG. 24MINIMINIMINIMINMINIBAR BAR BAR BAR B 212121211 PG. PG.PG. PGPG 24242424MINIBAR 21 PG. 24

THE TEXTBOOK PLACE IF YOU NEED SCHOOLIN’

With one wall depicting Plant and Page mid-rockout, in God-like size, with hair awry and double necked guitar pointing the way to the bar, and another wall adorned with the burning and descending Hindenberg, Whole Lotta Love already lives up to the promise of its title.There is a list of house standard cocktails appropriately named after various musical legends of yesteryear, but be assured the barstaff are totally ready to muddle up whatever it is you demand of their dexterous skills.If you’re into your single malts, the range available will floor you. Chosen by and named after one of Australia’s leading and most respected rock ‘n’ roll band managers, the Gregg Donovan Selection is served by the glass, but there is also a great list of local and international beers and ciders on offer.Everything at Whole Lotta Love is 100% vegan, cruelty free and enviro friendly, from the timbers used to construct the bar and benches, to the outdoor decking as well as everything edible and potable. The name of the game here is good times, wicked music and a warm and friendly atmosphere.

Albion St

Stewart St

Lygo

n S

t

p: 9386 8808w: wholelottalovebar.comTues – Thurs: 5.30pm ‘til 11pmFri: 5.30pm ‘til 1amSat: 1pm ‘til 1amSun: 3pm ‘til 11pm

WHOLE LOTTA LOVE524 LYGON STREET, BRUNSWICK EAST

Nicholson St

MINIBAR 21 PG. 25MINIMINIMINIMMINIMINMINMINIMINIMINIMINIMININMINIMINM NMININIIMIMININMINININ BAR BAR BAR BAR BAR BAR BARBARBARBAR BARBAR BAR BARARBAABARBAB RR 212121221212121212121212212122121112 PG. PG. PGPG 25252525

OLD MOUT CIDER

PG. 25MINIBAR 21

Mout (pronounced moo-t) is named after the Moutere Valley in New Zealand, a place where fruit is carefully grown and lulled into a false sense of happiness before being crushed to death and turned into Old Mout Cider. In fact, the people behind Old Mout have been making cider there for more than 60 years. While Old Mout Cider Classic Apple and Scrumpy and Pear Scrumpy are modern twists on traditional styles, the innovative cider making team is never keen to sit still for too long, so when someone suggested other fruits, the team set about finding ways to do it with the real fruit flavour people had come to expect from Old Mout Cider.Blending cider with fruit wine is what sets Old Mout Cider fruit variants apart from the other fruit ciders on the market, as the real fruit gives it a well-balanced and not overly sweet taste. These days there are six variants in the range: Classic Apple, Scrumpy , Pear Scrumpy, Cranberry & Cider, Feijoa & Cider and Boysencider. Old Mout is perfect for cocktails, such as Boysencider Sangria, Cranberry Cosmopolitan and the awesome Scrumpy Mojito. They use 100% fruit with no cordials or concentrates. The manifesto is simple: “Our mothers bottled real fruit, so do we – that’s all we do.” For local stockists check out oldmoutcider.com.

PG. 26MINIBAR 21

LET’S GO OUTSIDE

According to a study recently conducted by the University of Sydney, 58% of Australians are deficient in the sunshine vitamin, letter D. In other crap news, our rates of skin cancer are completely up the spout. Scientists don’t really understand the correlation but it makes sense to presume that we should be using more sunscreen and also spending greater quality time in the sun. What could be more quality than hanging in a marvellous outdoor spot at one of Melbourne’s watering holes, where you can soak up drinks and rays without worrying if there’s sand in your phone? Nothing, naturally.Let us start the sojourn in the north. Northcote’s Peacock Inn Hotel boasts the largest beer garden in the suburb, plus a sweet rooftop area which goes particularly mad on a Monday. Just down the road is the beautiful stone Wesley Anne, the courtyard of which is thickly walled with flowering plants and creepers. To the west, in Brunswick East, hides The Alderman. Its back courtyard isn’t huge but it’s simple, with wood-bordered beds (at a good height for perching) keeping the meandering greenery gently at bay. The Royal Derby in Fitzroy provides a large outdoor deck with plenty of space between its solid darkwood benches, so you won’t be hyper-extending your spine to get to your mates’ table. In North Melbourne, The Leveson ‘s patio is absolutely enormous, with heaps of seating and elegant glass doors which fold back to join the internal and external spaces: perfect for group

get-togethers.Moving closer into town, West Melbourne’s Prudence has the greatest little shabby courtyard which feels a bit like Miss Havisham’s greenhouse: half open with dark wood-panelled booths (one highly coveted larger one) and lots of leafy vines. Siglo is neighbours with the Princess Theatre and is also The European’s top hat, if you will. It feels very Italiano in spirit, and its second-floor positioning means callers are given great views of the theatre’s gorgeous signage as well as Parliament House.Delving into the city’s heart, four old favourites are still doing everything right. The irrepressible Section 8 in Tattersalls Lane is almost completely open-air, with lanterns, colourful frescos, stacked wooden crates for seating and a dynamic crowd. It can also be counted on for incessantly cool beats emanating from the decks. For the best view you could wish for, the Rooftop Bar on the

PG. 27MINIBAR 21

seventh floor of Curtin House in Swanston Street garners drinkers of all sorts looking for a bit more air in their hair. On Bourke Street you’ll find the luscious Carlton Hotel (or the ‘Carlton Club’ to many). Its velour innards are accompanied by a great panelled balcony with palms and other verdure, and high wooden stools at each table. Trunk on Exhibition Street is all about the greenery. Old brick pavers create the base for a very pretty globe-strung courtyard, full of long branches and climbing plants.The relatively new Ponyfish Island, created by Mr Borazio of St. Jerome fame, is located on a wee island in the middle of the Yarra. It’s decorated with those little hanging baskets with flowers spilling out and large green buoys, and is a fresh favourite for out-of-towners. To find access you’ve got to slip below the Southgate footbridge.Coming into southside, The National in Richmond is streamlined throughout, opening into an elegant outdoor area with geometric trellises encouraging creeping saplings. A little further down the way is The Royal Saxon. Its large upstairs courtyard is lined with different materials: grey and clay brick, glass, weathered wood. It also has a beautifully twisted established tree at its centre. Look out for the sandwich board outside the doorway to Hoo Haa, located at the Windsor end of Chapel Street. You might imagine it’d be blocked in, but somehow its positioning gives the bar’s neat courtyard an incredible amount of light and warmth, moreso than many ground-level venues. Tucked a little way off of Chapel Street in Windsor, you will find the Windsor Castle Hotel. The sister bar of the Carlton Hotel, its beer garden sits under the sweeping wings of a Moreton Bay Fig tree. Finally, the Elwood Lounge sports a killer beer garden, with thick, budding plants that have ascended its walls and some very comely wrought iron seating.Hopefully this has given you a few options away from the muggy confines of your local. Just remember that Mother Nature can be a cruel bitch, so do the ol’ triple S and you’ll be experiencing the joys of the outdoor swill for many years to come.

Prudence368 Victoria Street, West Melbourne

Wesley Anne250 High Street, Northcote

Section 8 (cheap pho)27 Tattersalls Lane, Melbourne

Pony Fish Island Under the Southgate footbridge

Carlton Club, Palmz193 Bourke Street, Melbourne

The National344 Victoria Street, Richmond

Windsor Castle89 Albert Street, Windsor

Rooftop Bar @ Curtin House Level 7, Curtin House, 252 Swanston Street, Melbourne

Peacock210 High Street, Northcote

Alderman134 Lygon Street, Brunswick East

Elwood Lounge49/51 Glen Huntly Road Elwood

Hoo Ha1/105 Chapel Street Windsor

The Leveson46 Leveson Street North Melbourne

Royal Derby Hotel446 Brunswick Street, Fitzroy

Trunk275 Exhibition Street Melbourne

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BUDWEISER

The guys at Budweiser are getting their mitts into some of Melbourne’s best bashes this summer. You can enjoy Budweiser’s famously distinctive taste – achieved through its exclusive Beechwood Aging process – at any of the notorious warehouse parties that the good lads at KO-OP see fit to bless up with this year. Always full of legendary people getting down to the best new alt-rock and indie bands KO-OP can grab (and they do grab the best), make sure you keep a hawk-eye out for tickets to the next one.

Budweiser are putting themselves behind one of the coolest initiatives of the summer: Roof to Reel. Roof to Reel will get some of Melbourne’s best underground DJs out of the dark and sepulchral clubs around town and lift them up, saint-like, into the sunshine of the Rooftop bar at Curtin House. What better place to get saturated in sun and tunes with a delicious primo beer grasped in your hand? The recurring magic will be held Sundays from November 4 until December 20, and shall begin in the afternoon. Every week two DJs will be invited to play a two hour set each, beginning with The City Rises DJs to launch the whole thing. Every set will be recorded and replayed on Edd Fisher’s popular PBS show, Tomorrowland (106.7FM).

Budweiser are showing themselves to be pretty on the pulse with summer parties and grooves, so it’s a good idea to check out their recently created Facebook page to keep up-to-date with what sort of super soiree they’re planning next.

SSSSOOOOUUUUTTTTHHHH

MINIBAR 21 PG. 30

A SUNNY SANCTUARY ABOVE THE CLAMOUR OF CHAPEL STREET

There isn’t a place in Melbourne quite like the illustrious Red Bennie’s. Bursting with mischief and roguery, it showcases the best in burlesque, circus, cabaret and comedy, while still making room to trot out unique live bands and some of Melbourne’s most masterly DJs.A sultry and dimly lit little place of decadence, the lush blood-red velvet curtains set the stage for a spectacular array of acts, many of which you just wouldn’t get to see in such an intimate environment anywhere else in Melbourne particularly on this side of the river.As for the menu, it is full and complete with roasted duck breast, braised pork belly and seared swordfish, and plenty of smaller choices as well. Cocktails cover the entire gamut, with the venue boasting a list that traverses Sours, Fizzes, Collins, Slings, Juleps, Mojitos, Martinis, Manhattans, Old Fashioneds, the Tiki-inspired and many more. There’s also a modest wine list if you feel like keeping yourself in line, but history says you won’t want to at this wild and classy little joint.

Elizabeth St

Commercial Rd

Cha

pel

St

Bal

mor

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t

p: 9826 2689w: redbennies.comThurs: 7pm ‘til 1amFri – Sun: 7pm ‘til 3am

RED BENNIESLEVEL 1, 373 CHAPEL STREET, SOUTH YARRA

MINIBAR 21 PG. 31

FOR A QUIET POT OR A RAUCOUS EVE THIS PICK IS JUST A STONE’S THROW FROM THE SHORE

After you’ve spent a few hours crisping your bones up on Elwood beach, the Elwood Lounge is the place to go to get re-amped. A vibrant and easy going venue, there’s a grand old fat-legged pool table, vintage lampshades nestled along the ceiling, and an affable group of staff ready for a chat and to cater to your thirsty wishes.The courtyard is a beautifully sunny spot to quaff a beer you can’t pronounce from a country you’ve never heard of, and enjoy every second of it. In fact, at any one time the Elwood Lounge has over 60 imported and local beers and ciders for you to select from. There’s also all local live music from Thursday to Sunday, with both an afternoon and evening session on Sundays, and you can expect to hear talent within the arenas of acoustic folk, reggae, funk and soul.If you’re an aspiring troubadour, there couldn’t be a more welcoming place to try your hand on the stage: the Lounge’s Open Mic Night, every Wednesday, is one of Melbourne’s best. This venue is definitely a hidden gem in the bosom of its sleepy little suburb.

Shelley St

Glenhuntly Rd

Bro

adw

ay

Rus

kin

St

p: 9525 6788w: elwoodlounge.com.auMon – Fri: 3pm ‘til 1amSat – Sun: 10-am ‘til 1am

ELWOOD LOUNGE49-51 GLEN HUNTLY ROAD, ELWOOD

MINIBAR 21 PG. 32

A SUNNY SANCTUARY ABOVE THE CLAMOUR OF CHAPEL STREET

Chapel Street can be a gauntlet during summer, but don’t let Hoo Haa’s discreet entrance fool you into thinking things need to be in your face to be good. Up the stairs you’ll find a simple, chilled space with cheeky but professional staff and a sun-soaked courtyard out back. Hoo Haa understands that summer is about great fresh food using local produce, lots of cocktails and plenty of beats.Having introduced an Aperitivo menu earlier in the year, it was such a hit the venue has decided to extend it in time for the summer months. The small, bite-sized bar snacks are designed so you can try an array of different flavours, and starting from just $1 each you’ll have enough clams left to try the Cock of the Rock cocktail, which tastes just like a Frosty Fruit (but clearly with alcohol).With DJs every Thursday, Friday and Saturday and no entry fee (ever), there’s many reasons to make the shuffle from the street up to this unassuming little nightspot.

Green St

Union St

Cha

pel

St

Tho

mas

St

p: 9529 6900w: hoohaa.net.auTues – Sun: 4pm ‘til late

HOO HAA105 CHAPEL ST, WINDSOR

MINIBAR 21 PG. 33

AUTHENTIC ST KILDA WITH A HEART OF LIVE MUSIC

It’s true that there aren’t a lot of places left in St Kilda that carry the original spirit of the area in their skin. Iddy Biddy bar feels right, clasping that mix of clean earthiness and the promise of good times together in a fist of kicked back vibes.Thickly framed tour posters and art nouveau prints hang on walls of exposed and mottled brick, and leather or corduroy sofas crouch around awesome electronic arcade tables (Pacman!). There’s live music six days a week, which is obviously amazing, and it’s served up in the form of acoustic, funk, soul and reggae, or with a Latin edge on Sundays.Do not go past the Japanese Donkey, a cockatil simmering with the fresh exotic flavours of sake, Asian honey syrup, lime and ginger beer. There are daily $8 breakfast and $13 dinner specials, and pretty great deals on pints, basic spirits and house wine from Sunday to Thursday.As is typical of the (dwindling) excellent venues in St Kilda, you can expect to mingle with an incredible assortment of types at this busy corner jewel, but they’ll all be happy and hip.

Blessington St

Dickens St

Her

ber

t S

t

Mit

ford

St

p: 9525 3320w: iddybiddy.com.auSun – Thurs: 8am ‘til 12amFri – Sat: 8am ‘til 1am

IDDY BIDDY35-39 BLESSINGTON STREET, ST KILDA

MINIBAR 21 PG. 34

A PLACE FOR THE DEBONAIR AND DASHING TO REPOSE

This little bar seems to have cherry picked the most lavish components of the globe’s four corners and collected them all into a stylish, decadent and chic assemblage at the ocean end of Fitzroy Street.Including a staircase crafted in the 19th century, resplendent art deco furnishings, exquisite French chandeliers and a range of stunning glassware compiled from myriad different places the world over, Laika attracts the sophisticated and those seeking an elegant and cultivated experience.The knowledgeable barstaff use original ingredients and methods where possible to create an arresting range of vintage classic cocktails – the list really is regal in length, but the best-loved include the Pisco Sour, Espresso Martini, Mojito, Romes Gin Fizz and the Hot Buttered Rum.Veterans in exclusive functions, you can hire out selected areas or the entire venue or to attend on a regular night and hobnob with Melbourne’s darlings there is a live band on Thursdays and Sundays, or live DJs spinning Motown, pop, disco and funk on Fridays and Saturdays.

Fitzroy St

Victoria St

Acl

and S

t

The Esplanade

p: 9534 0002w: laika.com.auWed: 6pm ‘til lateThurs: 6.30pm ‘til lateFri: 6pm ‘til 3amSat: 5pm ‘til 3amSun: 4.30pm ‘til late

LAIKA9 FITZROY STREET, ST KILDA

MINIBAR 21 PG. 35

AN INSTITUTION FOR THE FUNKY AT HEART, WHATEVER THEIR EXTERIOR MAY BE

If you lined them up Usual Suspects style, it’d be difficult to tell which were customers and which were staff at the Lucky Coq. Embracing all kinds of human organisms including locals and legends, hippies and hipsters, bogans and beauties, ravers and reverends, Lucky Coq proffers a singularly quirky ambiance and some of the most refreshing beverages on the south side of town.With $4 pizzas and hotdogs and up to eight different kinds of full strength infused vodka, you’ll also find 13 different products on tap at the eclectic venue. Choice sips include the Blanche DuBois cocktail (cherry vodka, Tromba tequila, grapefruit juice and lime juice), and regulars also enjoy Little Creatures Bright Ale, Budvar and Mountain Goat Steam Ale.The venue’s live DJs are a giant drawcard, with a palpably vibrant club atmosphere on the weekend and the famous South Side Hustle DJ night every Sunday. Don’t be surprised if you see punters dressed up for the popular movie nights, either – there’s been a couple of wayward pirates in the past who partied on even though Pirates of the Caribbean was screened the week prior.

High St

St John St

Cha

pel

St

Tho

mas

St

p: 9525 1288w: luckycoq.com.auMon – Fri: 11.30am ‘til 3amSat – Sun: 12pm ‘til 3am

LUCKY COQCORNER CHAPEL STREET AND HIGH STREET, WINDSOR

MINIBAR 21 PG. 36GPG. PG. PG. PG. PG.PGPG.PG.GP 36363636363636363636363336311MINIMINIMININMINIMINIINIMINIM BARBABARBARABARBAARB R AR AR RRR 212121212121PG. 36MINIBAR 21

SUMMER SELECTIONS

As the oblique rays of summer’s sun begin their majestic course across the canopy of the next three months, the desire to imbibe something lighter and more befitting the weather than the usual rotgut will likely tap at the window of your consciousness. When you hear its call, don’t be stubborn. Be fearless! There’re plenty of drinks to choose from but a number of nectars from both the cider and beer families deserve special mention.

CIDER

As Victorian as Pink Heath (we’ve got one of the wussier state flowers, unfortunately), Golden Axe Apple Cider is handcrafted from primo Victorian apples. It’s got that perfectly subtle sweetness which comes from excellent fruit unchoked by extra sugar. The fragrant Somersby Apple Cider combines apple wine with the usual ingredients, which ensures it is still cleansing despite the more candied taste. For those who love the feeling of cool aluminium under their fingers, you’ll be pleased to know this one is available in a can (as well as bottled). That means you can play Wise Cider Wizards, which is brilliant. From locals East Ninth Brewing Company (of Doss Blockos Lager fame) is Fog City Cider, which is a cloudy blend of apples and pears. It is bitter-sweet and incredibly well balanced, considering the gumbo approach East Ninth apparently used to concoct it. Also a mixture of apple and pear is the really cutely labelled Spikey Norman, which is dry and subtle as well as low carb. The humble ginger root is enjoying a bit of popularity at the cider camp this season, with the delicious Bulmer’s Ginger having been added to the brewery’s artillery amid a lot of ballyhoo. Brand new and created by two bold Melbourne lads, Lucky Duck has made an incredible impression with its unique taste utilising Braeburn apples, known for their tremendous combination of bitters and sharps. Last from the ciders is the Kiss can, which is apparently one of the most popular beverages in Europe. Sounds a little vague, I know. However it is exceptionally tasty, combining pure Estonian apple cider with various fruit juices resulting in a range of variants including plum and cherry.

MINIBAR 21 PG. 37MINIMMINIMINIMINMINIMINIMINIMMINIMINIMINIMINMINIMINMINIMINMIIMIM N BAR BAR BAR BARBAR BARARBAR BARBARBAR RR 2121212121212122121222 PG. PG. PG.PG. 37373737

BEER

Fruit is normally king of the cider domain, but come summertime, beer cats want in on that mellow action too. Combining the quality of Belgian white beer with real strawberry juice, Früli Strawberry Beer is cloudy and yummy. It isn’t crazy sweet, and the ingredients label shows that the brewers didn’t muck about with weird additives. The eternally beloved Little Creatures Pale Ale will continue its well-deserved popularity as a summer swig, but don’t forget the gentle malts of the Bright Ale or the succinct bitternes s of the Pilsner. Our northern brethren are proffering the always chuggable XXXX Summer Bright Lager, which is light and mildly bitter. After outrageous success in its native arena, American brand Miller has exported its Miller Chill beer to Australia, a light and highly carbonated affair with lime and salt. In the same vein but arguably a superior brew is Budweiser’s Bud Light Lime, which is more crisp and bitter than the Miller. Monteith’s Summer Ale is a herbal spiced beer, brewed just for the warmer months. It’s bright and golden and has a little lick of Rata honey in there too. The cute ballerina/tarzan chick on the label of the Acme California Pale Ale is having a blast, isn’t she, the doll. This is a really clean-tasting but nicely malty mix for totally easy drinking. From the beautiful hamlet of Woodend just out of Melbourne, Holgate Brewhouse has created the delicious Holgate Mt Macedon Ale on site at its brewery-come-bar, as well as a number of other original varieties including a wonderful pilsner. Lastly, it’s difficult to go past Lick Pier (also from East Ninth), the one with the weirdly sexy leopard on the front, if you want an aromatic, dry and crisp ginger taste.

PG. 37MINIBAR 21

MINIBAR 21 PG. 38MINIMINIMINIMINMINIBAR BAR BAR BAR B 212121211 PG. PG.PG. PGPG 38383838MINIBAR 21 PG. 38

RUSTIC CRAFT BEER IN A CHARMING ENVIRONMENT

Hosting a lively mix of warm locals and curious visitors, the Holgate Brewhouse is situated in the heart of gorgeous Woodend, just next to the town’s lighthouse-like clocktower. Paul and Natasha Holgate oversee the brewing of all beers on site: you can see and smell the magical process happening. A relaxed and vivacious atmosphere permeates the solid brick establishment and the staff boast incomparable beer knowledge as well as good old-fashioned country hospitality, ma’am.Visitors must sample the excellent Holgate’s Road Trip IPA, or the Temptress Chocolate Porter for something a little more devilish. Aside from these favourites there’s also the Holgate Mt Macedon Ale, Pilsner, and White Ale just waiting to leap down your thirsty hatch. If you fear you’ll be on the floor by the time you get to taste all the fantastic beverages on offer, you can opt for the $15 beer paddle which will get you eight 90ml samples of the Holgate beers on tap. This bustling little world of beer is an enveloping place, and the perfect spot for a day trip. If you find you don’t want to leave, you can stay in one of the guest rooms which have been tastefully refurbished whilst retaining their 19th century heart.

Anslow St

Urquhart St

Hig

h S

t

Sch

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t

p: 5427 2510w: holgatebrewhouse.comMon – Sun: 12 ‘til late

HOLGATE BREWHOUSE78 HIGH STREET, WOODEND

LUCKY DUCK CIDER

PG. 39MINIBAR 21

Lucky Duck Cider Company is the brainchild of Colby Kitchin and Shane Capron - an Osteopath and a marketer. Self-confessed cider lovers, the pair were sipping a cider one rainy November Friday when they decided cider was their game. After consulting with a winemaker from the Yarra Valley and roping in an old friend to design the packaging, the duo then spent well over a year developing the apple cider. Trial batches of different apples, yeasts and slight tweaks in fermentation processes led to the final combination of Braeburn apples and ale yeast. Kitchin and Capron found the Braeburn apple could provide the bold apple flavour that was reminiscent of traditional Irish ciders that they liked, and also contained enough acid to produce a clean, crisp, refreshing drink. The ale yeast provided a creamy and malty mouth feel, described by Capron as “creamy soda-like”, that sets the beverage apart from others on the market.After 15 months of tasting, trials (and errors), more tasting and a few rounds of Klop in the park, Lucky Duck was released in February 2012. Two weeks later the team won Best Cider and Best Cider Producer at the Victorian Microbreweries Showcase, a vote cast by the 2000 attendees.With a limited budget for marketing (Kitchin and Capron are backing themselves 100%) they have resorted to some alternative advertising techniques. You may have spotted ‘Lucky’ leading Cadel and the rest of the Peloton up the mountain in this year’s Tour de France. Along with Colby’s brother Leigh, the Lucky force have been working tirelessly all year to produce, distribute and deliver their cider to Melbourne’s best bars, pubs, cafes and bottle shops. Their monumental efforts have produced something pretty special – make sure you check out Lucky Duck this summer.

Luckyduckcider.com

MINIBAR 21 PG. 40MINIMINIMINIMINIMINIMINIMININIMIMINIINIMINIMINMINIMINIMINIMINIMINIMINIMMINMININIMINNINIMINI BARBARBARBARBBARBARBARBARBARBARBARBARBARBARBARBARBBAABARRBBARRBBABAA PG. PG. PG. PG. PG. PGPGPG.PG. GPG.PG.PG.PG. PPGPGPG.PPG.GPGPG.GGPGGGG.G.PGPGGGPPPPG 4040404040440404040404040404040404040040400404040000

ZOMBIEIngredients10 mls of white rum50 mls of golden rum30 mls of dark rum10 mls 151-proof rum30 mls of lime juice1 tsp of pineapple juice1 tsp papaya juice1 tsp of superfine sugar

Procedure1. Stir everything together except for the 151-proof and pour into one of those tall skinny glasses which look like a vase (they’re called a Collins glass), which you’ve filled three-fourths full with cracked ice.

2. Float the 151-proof as a lid (by pouring it into a spoon and gently dipping it under the surface of the drink).

3. If the spirit moves you, take a match to the mixture. It will burn like a hag at the stake.

4. Garnish with mint or fruit or make a pretty little trim to lure the frolicsome in, by impaling a lemon slice or pineapple cube between two maraschino cherries on a toothpick. Absolutely bloody ripper.

This legendary mix will probably slap you around a bit, but what else would you expect it to do with a name like that? Just like the undead it creeps up on you with a barely audible moan and by the time your shoulder’s being chewed on it’s far too late to do anything about it. Just enjoy the flesh-spattered ride, I suppose is the best advice.

R RR RRR RR 212121212121212121212

MINIBAR 21 PG. 41MINIMININIMINIBBARBARBAR AR 21212121 PGPG. PG. PG. . 4144141

THE WORLD IS NOT GOING TO END

BUT SOME OTHER SHIT MAY GO DOWN

Instead of meteors or that monk on the hill getting KO’d by the giant wave, the end of the Mayan calendar has been interpreted by clever people all over as a revolution of consciousness. Ten years ago American countercultural icon, pop-scholar and Mayanism-lover Daniel Pinchbeck wrote that we are overdue for spiritual change, and nevermind he was essentially talking about modern shamanism, or that he capitalises ‘website’ and ‘internet’ in his book. The point is that if shit is going to get real in December, there’s some stuff you can do to convince the meteor hurtling towards Earth that no, the world is ending metaphorically, and look at what a bloody nice lot we are, all connected and reborn and so on. And if shit does not get manifestly real in a meteor way, then you will be positively contributing to the spiritual revolution. These suggestions have the benefits to both you and ‘them’ (the receiver of your goodwill) outlined so that even the most Scrooge-like among us can fathom the cosmic brownie points awaiting harvest.

PG. 41MINIBAR 21

Make your mum/dad a Christmas card.

You: Rediscovering refined motor skills not affiliated with texting.

Them: Delight with and appreciation of offspring.

Get all your spirit bottles out and make up a new cocktail with your friends. Name it something that marks it as born from this summer, The Summer We Survived The Apocalypse.

You: Drunken good times with Them.

Them: Drunken good times with You.

When you’re next at a chockers venue, take your empties up to the bar when re-ordering so the bussie doesn’t have to.

You: Kudos from the (hopefully cute) bar staff.

Them: Bussies won’t be slashed from tip to toe when their carry-load collapses under its own weight.

Plant something.

You: Reconnection with flora.

Them/It: The gift of life, hopefully long life depending what you’re like as a botanist.

Let someone go ahead of you at the supermarket.

You: Gives you a chance to recount your bottles of mixers, just in case.

Them: They’ll make it to their party with their own mixers a little more rapidly, and you’ll both bring fresh happy vibes with you to your respective festivities. It’s the way forward.

MINIBAR 21 PG. 42MINIMMINIMINIMINIMINIMINNMINMINIINIMINMINMINNNMINIMINMINIMINIM NN BAR BAR BAR BAR BARBARBAR ABARBARBABARARBARBARBARBARBAARBARRARBBARB R 212121212121212121212222212121221 PG. PG.PG.PG. PG. PGPG.PG.PG.PGPG. PG.PG.PGPG.PG.PGPG.GG 424242424242224244242244424PG. 42MINIBAR 21

TRICKY NICKY’S

TRICKY PICK-UP LINES

You like my hat? It looks better off… we should bang.

My name is George. I’m unemployed and I live with my parents.

If you don’t let me buy you a drink I’m going to kill myself.

I know what you’re thinking: too many jerks,

not enough Turks.

You know how Leo and Kate Winslet fall in love in Titanic? I wouldn’t die for you but we should bang in a vintage car.

[Have one of your friends approach a group of girls] “Hi. The King of the Turks

will see you now.”

My love for you is like diarrhoea, I just can’t

hold it in.

‘I like it when the beat goes da-na, da-na / Baby make

your booty go da-na, da-na’

Do you like sweets? ‘Cause I could be your Turkish Delight.

Your moustache is hot.How about some sex?

Can I buy you a Turkish coffee? [Girl refuses]. Whoa, that was a bit of a knee-

TURK reaction.

I DON’T WANT TO KNOW YOUR NAME / I JUST

WANT, BANG BANG BANG!’

You know what’s funny? I’ve spent $69 tonight. Pretty interesting, huh.

MEET LUCKYPROUDLY MADE IN MELBOURNE

Lucky Duck Cider