mindfulness-based emotional day 2 - siylishift to connection. practices 1 jlm & offering...
TRANSCRIPT
Mindfulness-based Emotional Intelligence for Leaders
DAY 2
• One insight you took away from day 1
• How did the homework go? What did you notice?
In Pairs – Free Flow
PerformanceLeadershipWellbeing
EIMindfulness
Neuroscience
Self-awareness
Self-management
Motivation
Empathy
Leadership
Roadmap
MOTIVATION
Discover
• A talks and B practices Generous Listening (bell)
• Switch roles (bell)
• Free-flow conversation
• What is your motivation for coming to work each day?
AlignmentEnvisioning
Resilience
Envisioning
Resilience
Alignment
Pleasant lifeLife of engagementMeaningful life
Dr. Martin Seligman
(hig
h)(lo
w)
CH
ALL
ENG
ES
(low) SKILLS (high)
AnxietyANXIETY
BOREDOM
FLOW CHANNEL
decr
ease
cha
lleng
e
incr
easi
ng c
halle
nge
increasing skills
increasing skills
Self-Awareness
Mindfulness
Alignment
Values
Journaling
• Choose 3 people you admire
• For each person, write what traits you admire, and in what situations they displayed these traits
Journaling
• Review what you wrote
• Create a list of 5 core values that you hold
In Pairs – Generous Listening
• What are your top values?
• How do these values show up in your life?
Comments
Envisioning
Resilience
Alignment
“In a sense, we learn from the past what to predict for the future and then live the future we expect.”
Regina Pally, The Predicting Brain
Journaling
What’s your best possible future?
If everything in my life, starting today, meets or exceeds my most optimistic expectations, what will my life be like in 5 years?
• Who are you and what are you doing?
• How do you feel?
• How are your relationships with others?
Discovering An Ideal Future
• A talks, B and C listen (bell) • Switch roles 2x (bell) • Free-flow conversation
• Share about what you wrote• Share about the process of
writing• Or, anything else
Comments
1 Touch chair fabric
2 Remember highest intention
Micropractice:Hands On Chair
Practices
1
2 Hands on Chair
Journal: values, envisioning
Envisioning
Resilience
Alignment
“An ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change.”
Merriam-Webster
Resilience in 3 steps Inner
Calm
Emotional Resilience
Cognitive Resilience
Explanatory Style
Explanatory Style PessimistOptimist
(1) Become aware of negativity bias(2) Mindfulness(3) Transformation
Cultivating Optimism
Resilience
Comments
EIMindfulness
Neuroscience
Self-awareness
Self-management
Motivation
Empathy
Leadership
• Let your values motivate you
• Intrinsic Motivators: Pleasant Life, Good Life, Meaningful Life
• Expectations predict outcome
• Resilience from equanimity and optimistic explanatory style
Key Points
EMPATHY
(a) The ability to experience and understand what others feel
(b) while maintaining a clear discernment about your own and the other person’s feelings and perspectives.
Thompson, 2001, J Consc Stud 8, 1–32
l Psychologizing
l Agreeing with people
Daniel Goleman, Working with Emotional Intelligence
What Empathy is NOT
Decety & Lamm, 2006, The Scientific World Journal
Self-awareness Empathy
Empathy affected by:• Perceived fairness• Perceived “in group”
or “out group”
Foundational Empathy Practices
• Seeing similarities
• Offering kindness
Just Like Me& Kindness
Comments
1 Settle the Mind
2
Offer Kindness3
See a similarity
Micropractice:Shift to Connection
Practices
1 JLM & Offering Kindness
2 Shift to Connection
Comments
Mindful Walking
Comments
Practices
1 Mindful Walking
Empathetic Listening
• A talks and B listens (bell)• B says “What I heard you feel is…” A gives
feedback and B responds until A is satisfied • Switch roles (bell)• Free-flow conversation
• Talk about a time when you overcame a challenge.
• Talk about someone in your life who you particularly appreciate and why.
• Anything you want to talk about that feels meaningful to you in some way.
Comments
Practices
1 JLM & Offering Kindness
2
Empathetic Listening3
Shift to Connection
EIMindfulness
Neuroscience
Self-awareness
Self-management
Motivation
Empathy
Leadership
• Self-awareness �Empathy
• Empathy is not psychologizing or agreeing
• Empathy is trainable• Practices: Just Like
Me, Empathetic Listening
Key Points
INTEGRATION
Communicating with Insight
Leading with Compassion
Communicating with Insight
Leading with Compassion
Self-awareness
Self-management
Motivation
Empathy
Three Levels
• Am I competent?• Am I a good person?• Am I worthy of love and respect?
CONTENT
FEELINGS
IDENTITY
Practice - Person AVerbalize each of the “3 levels” from YOURpoint of view:
1. Content (What happened?)
2. Feelings (How did I feel?)
3. Identity (What’s at stake?)• Am I competent?• Am I a good person?• Am I worthy of love?
Practice - Person AVerbalize each of the “3 levels” from the OTHER PARTY’S point of view:
1. Content (What happened from their perspective?)
2. Feelings (How do I think they felt?)3. Identity (What might have been at stake
for them?)• Am I competent?• Am I a good person?• Am I worthy of love?
Practice - Person BVerbalize each of the “3 levels” from YOURpoint of view:
1. Content (What happened?)
2. Feelings (How did I feel?)
3. Identity (What’s at stake?)• Am I competent?• Am I a good person?• Am I worthy of love?
Practice - Person BVerbalize each of the “3 levels” from the OTHER PARTY’S point of view:
1. Content (What happened from their perspective?)
2. Feelings (How do I think they felt?)3. Identity (What might have been at stake
for them?)• Am I competent?• Am I a good person?• Am I worthy of love?
Practice - Discuss
Discuss how it felt to have this
conversation with your partner
Comments
Verbalize the “three levels of the conversation”
1
2 Check your intention & decide whether to raise the issue
→ Am I competent?→ Am I a good person?→ Am I worthy of love?
• Content• Feelings• Identity
Start from the “third story”3
Problem-solve
4
5
Explore their story & yours
“Impact is not intention”
Micropractice:Difficult Conversations
Practices
1
2 “Impact is not intention”
Difficult conversations preparation
Communicating with Insight
Leading with Compassion
• What are some ways you feel when encountering someone in distress?
• What are some ways you react when encountering someone in distress?
Comments
Adapted from Singer & Klimecki, 2014. Current Biology.
Connecting with othersEmpathy
Compassion
• Self-related emotion• Negative feelings: stress• Poor health, burnout• Withdrawal & non-social
behavior
Empathic Distress
• Other-related emotion• Positive feelings: kindness• Good health• Approach & prosocial
motivation
Klimecki et al., 2013; Singer 2015
Greater activation in pro-social brain regions (red) versus empathy for pain regions (blue).
Lower physiological stress response (cortisol) in stressful social situations.
Compassion: interpersonal benefits
“Compassion may be defined as the capacity to be attentive to the experience of others, to wish the best for others, and to sense what will truly serve others.”
Joan Halifax
Jinpa, 2015
Compassion Makes Courage.“Having compassion for others frees us from fearing… it turns ourattention outward, expanding our perspective, making our own problems… part of something bigger than us that we are all in together.”
Compassion
• What came up for you in this reflection?
• Or, anything else you want to share
In Pairs
Comments
Micropractice:Compassion
Ask “What would be of service?”
Practices
1 Compassion practice
2 Ask, “What would be of service?”
Journaling
Share your commitment
• Who am I as a leader?
• How do I want to show up for others?
• What do I feel deeply committed to and what can I let go of?
• A talks. B, C, and D listen (bell) • Switch roles 3x (bell) • Free-flow conversation
• Who am I as a leader?
• How do I want to show up for others?
• What do I feel deeply committed to and what can I let go of?
Comments
• Emotional skills are trainable
• Mindfulness develops SA that enables all other EI domains
• SA: Pay attention to the body. From existential to physiological
• SM: From compulsion to choice
Practices:• Attention Training• Open Awareness• Body Scan• Mindful Listening• Mindful Conversation• Journaling• SBNRR• Self-Compassion
Day 1
• Motivation: Alignment, Envisioning, Resilience
• Empathy: Seeing Similarities, Offering Kindness
• Communicating with Insight
• Leading with Compassion
Practices:• Envisioning• Mindful Walking• JLM / Loving
Kindness• Empathetic
Listening• Difficult
Conversations• Compassion
Day 2
• Mindful Breathing• Three Breaths• Minute to Arrive• Open Awareness• Noting• Body Scan• Head, Gut, Heart,
Check-in
• Journaling• Mindful Listening• Mindful Eating• SBNRR• Self-Compassion• Acceptance
Micropractice
Practices Summary (D1)
• Journaling: values, envisioning
• Hands on Chair• Just Like Me,
Offering Kindness• Empathetic
Listening• Shift to Connection• Mindful Walking
• Difficult Conversations Prep.
• “Impact is not Intention”
• Compassion• Ask, “What would
be of service?”
Practices Summary (D2)
Comments
Next steps
28-Day Challenge
• Daily practices• Personal goals
& leadership commitment
• Buddy meetings
28 Day Challenge Capstone webinar &Post-program survey
Live Program
Buddies
• Ongoing Structure:‒ How are you doing? (5 minutes) ‒ How am I doing with my intentions and
practices? (10 minutes) ‒ How did this conversation go? (5 minutes)
• Everything shared is held confidentially.
Buddy Conversations
• Now:- Share intentions.- Set first meeting.
What do I take home from SIY?