microdot nlp1
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CONTENTS
NLP........................................................................................................................ 2
Why Study NLP?...................................................................................................... 3
What is NLP?..........................................................................................................4
Learning Strategy...................................................................................................11
RAPPORT............................................................................................................. 32
COMMUNICATION STYLES....................................................................................39
EYE PATTERNS.....................................................................................................43
Submodaitie!.........................................................................................................49
Per!ua!i"e #ommuni#ation.......................................................................................61
$YPNOTIC LAN%UA%E..........................................................................................78
PRECISE COMMUNICATION.........................................................................................100 An#horing............................................................................................................ 122
Strategie!............................................................................................................ 129
Re&raming............................................................................................................ 148
1. IDENTIFY THE BEHAVIOUR OR RESPONSE TO BE CHANGED........................155
2. ESTABLISH COMMUNICATION WITH THE PART WHICH IS RESPONSIBLE FOR
THE BEHAVIOUR ............................................................................................................155
3. SEPARATE THE POSITIVE INTENTION FROM THE BEHAVIOUR......................1554. ASK YOUR CREATIVE PART TO GENERATE NEW WAYS THAT WILL
ACCOMPLISH THE SAME PURPOSE...........................................................................155
5. ASK THE PART IF IT WILL AGREE TO USE THE NEW CHOICES OVER THE
NEXT FEW WEEKS RATHER THAN THE OLD BEHAVIOUR..................................15!
!. ECOLOGICAL CHECK ................................................................................................15!
SUMMARY........................................................................................................................15!
T$E PROCESS...............................................................................................................15"Inner Con&i#t..................................................................................................160
Re!o"ing the Inner Con&i#t..............................................................................160
Part! Integration U!ing NLP.............................................................................161
INTEGRATION OF CONFLICTING PARTS...................................................................1!2Specifc Steps or Helpi! "other to #$te!rate# %o&icti! Parts..............162
NLP 'echi()es* Parts $te!ratio......................................................................163
'he $+ea*..................................................................................................... 163
'he Patter*.................................................................................................164
Whe to ,se 'his Patter*...........................................................................16-
Integrating Conflicting Parts – The Visual Squash Technique.................................16-
The Visual Squash or Outcome Integration – Peter McNab..........................................167
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TO COLLAPSE NEGATIVE ANCHORS..........................................................................1"3
FOR LEARNING...............................................................................................................1"3
THE PROCESS..................................................................................................................1"3Future Pacing Technique.........................................................................................174
FUTURE PACING TO TEST.............................................................................................1"5ANCHORING RESOURCES TO CONTEXTS.................................................................1"5Future Pacing.................................................................................................176
Future Pacing: Making Your Client Stay Sold...........................................................178
Future Pacing is Life Enhancing........................................................................18-
)t)re Paci! i %oachi! a+ NLP....................................................................196
'he NLP /oalSetti! o+el..............................................................................199
NLP Setting and Achieving Goals.............................................................................204
NLP Setting and Achieving Goals.......................................................................204Steps for Creating NLP SMART Goals......................................................................208
7 Steps for Creating NLP SMART Goals..............................................................209
Take action....................................................................................................211
WELL-FORMED OUTCOMES !D "OL SETT#!" #! !LP......................................211,si! NLP 'ielie Process to eWrite Persoal Histor..................................21-
,+ersta+ 5o)r 'ielie NLP a+ 'ie NLP Lie 'raii!.......................217
READ #A BRIEF HISTORY OF NLP TIMELINES$........................................................220
THE EVOLUTION OF A PATTERN.................................................................................220THE POWER OF SUB%MODALITIES.............................................................................221
INNOVATIVE THINKING................................................................................................221
NLP TIMELINES IN A NUTSHELL................................................................................222NLP 'ielie 'echi()e.....................................................................................223
USING THE NLP TIMELINE...........................................................................................224
NLP
Welcome
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Welcome to the Microdot Neuro Linguistic Programming website.
As an avid student of NLP for some time now I've hungrily devoured and digested many
wonderful text boos and audio !rograms which have taught me a great deal.
"ne of the first things that I learned was that NLP is the study of subjective experience and# as $ichard %andler once said & if you're going to have a subective ex!erience# then
you really should have it yourself. If you learn only one thing from this website let it be
that you will be far better e(ui!!ed to understand another !erson's model of the world if
you've first invested some real effort in understanding how your own mind wors.
My !ersonal attitude and a!!roach to NLP has been one of healthy se!ticism. Although
I am a !retty o!en minded individual# the idea that I could radically change my world for
the better ust by changing the way I thin about it and interact with it sounded too good
to be true.
)he sim!le fact is that taing !ositive action and using the techni(ues of NLP myself has
given me all the !roof that I need that NLP is a useful collection of tools for !ersonal
develo!ment. My health has im!roved# I have better inter&!ersonal relationshi!s both at
home and at wor# my communication sills are im!roving every day. NLP techni(ues
are hel!ing me to im!rove my life today and into the future.
)his site is a wor in !rogress# started in *++,# which will grow to !rovide a wealth of
useful information as well as lins to external resources which should !rove useful to
those wishing to study and !ractice NLP for themselves.
I ho!e you enoy using it.
Why Study NLP?
Would you lie to improve your communication with the ability to 'understand' how
another !erson is thining whilst you're taling to them so that the two of you can
communicate more effectively with each other-
Would you lie to be able to communicate so effectively with others that you can easily
build better and more productive inter-personal relationships with them for win-
win outcomes-
Would you lie to be able to feel confident and comfortable whilst being interviewed
for that ob that you really# really want-
Would you lie to be able to ee! a cool head when all around you are losing theirs-
Would you lie to be able to replace limiting beliefs and undesirable behaviours in
yourself and others with more useful beliefs and behaviours-
Would you lie to have a way to set yourself clearly defined life goals and have them
come to fruition at a !redetermined time in your future# ust when you said they
would-
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Would you lie to be able to (uicly and easily su!er&charge your motivation to achieve
those goals ust as you desire-
Would you lie a way to reduce or even com!letely and !ermanently remove irrational
fears and phobias in yourself and others-
Would you enoy im!roving your ability to coach and motivate others to achieve their
goals and desires-
Would you lie a way to cancel out cravings for those things that you love to indulge in
but you now are bad for you-
Would you lie a way to be able to replicate excellence demonstrated by the people
you admire the most-
ou would- NLP has tools for all these things and many# many more.
Use the navigation links on the left or below to begin learning all about those tools#
how you can begin using them and which ones work best for you.
What is NLP?
Definitions of NLP
)here is no one single definition of NLP broad enough to enca!sulate the breadth and
de!th of the subect matter. NLP has as many definitions as there are !eo!le !racticingit.
"The name of the field refers to (Neuro) the human nervous system, including the brain
and the five senses, (Linguistic) the verbal and non-verbal languages ith hich e
communicate and (!rogramming) the ability to structure our neurological and linguistic
systems to achieve desired results" & /amie 0mart# 0alad NLP.
NLP was discovered by watching thera!utic ex!erts doing what they did and modelling
their behviour so that it could be taught to others to allow them to achieve the same
results.
)he best way to define NLP is to do it for yourself & to learn and !ractice the techni(ues
handed down to us by the creators and develo!ers of NLP and to measure by the results
that you get exactly what NLP means for you.
1ere's a few definitions that I've learned from the various boos and audio materials that
I've studied to get you started2&
"NL! is an explicit and poerful model of human experience and communication #sing
the principles of NL! it is possible to describe any human activity in a detailed ay that
allos you to ma$e many deep and lasting changes %uic$ly and easily" - /ohn ". 0tevens
3now better nown as 0teve Andreas4 in the foreword of 5rogs into P$IN670 & $ichard
%andler 8 /ohn 9rinder.
http://www.saladltd.co.uk/salesteam/idevaffiliate.php?id=218&keyword=what&custom=8http://www.saladltd.co.uk/salesteam/idevaffiliate.php?id=218&keyword=catalog&custom=11http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steve_Andreashttp://www.dpbolvw.net/23100biroiq576989DB5FECDB69?url=http%3A//www.abebooks.com/servlet/SearchResults?isbn=0911226192&sts=t&x=34&y=12http://www.saladltd.co.uk/salesteam/idevaffiliate.php?id=218&keyword=catalog&custom=11http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steve_Andreashttp://www.dpbolvw.net/23100biroiq576989DB5FECDB69?url=http%3A//www.abebooks.com/servlet/SearchResults?isbn=0911226192&sts=t&x=34&y=12http://www.saladltd.co.uk/salesteam/idevaffiliate.php?id=218&keyword=what&custom=8
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"&t's an attitude that has to do ith curiosity, ith anting to $no about things,
anting to be able to influence things, and anting to be able to influence them in a ay
that's orthhile" - $ichard %andler in :sing our %rain 5or A 6hange.
"&t's an attitude and a methodology that leaves behind a trail of techni%ues" & $ichard
%andler
"or me NL! is the psychology of achievement and inter-personal communication" &
6hris 1oward
"an oners manual for the mind" & 6hris 1oward
istory of NLP
In the early ;
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the wor of Milton 1. 7ricson# an American !sychiatrist s!ecialising in medical hy!nosis
and family thera!y.
%andler and 9rinder modelled 7ricson and the ways that he used meta!hor and stories
to induce trance and to hel! !eo!le remove life long !hobias and overcome the effects of
trauma. )heir studies led to the creation of the second NLP language model & the MiltonModel# which described mechanisms for influencing !eo!le by use of !articular language
!atterns.
)he develo!ment of the Milton Model gave rise to a number of !ublications including
Patterns of the 1y!notic )echni(ues of Milton 1. 7ricson# M@ ?olume ; and later in
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A useful way to learn about a com!lex to!ic lie NLP is to brea itdown into smaller more manageable chuns# almost lie building blocs# so that you can
study and familiarise yourself with each individual bloc.
"nce you're ha!!y and comfortable with that first bloc you can grab hold of the next
bloc and tae a good loo at that one to familiarise yourself with how that one wors.
With a clear understanding of those two blocs you can begin to consider how those
blocs might interloc with each other# how they fit together. )hen tae u! a third bloc#
examine it closely# get a feel for how it wors and see where it fits with the first two# and
so on# your understanding growing ex!onentially the whole time.
:nderstanding the !resu!!ositions of NLP means that you have the first bloc in !lace
and are well on your way to understanding the big !icture of NLP and the very fact that
you have a structured learning strategy means that you can learn (uicly and easily.
Presuppositions of NLP continued!!!
"D# so let's examine the very first building bloc to reallyunderstand how it loos and feels. )he first bloc is one of the most im!ortant because it
forms !art of the foundation u!on which everything that follows is built. Let's tae a loo
at the !resu!!ositons u!on which NLP is based.
• )he ability to change the !rocess by which we
ex!erience reality is often more valuable than
changing the content of our ex!erience of reality.
• )he meaning of the communication is the res!onse
you get.
• All distinctions human beings are able to mae
concerning our environment and our behaviour can
be usefully re!resented through the visual# auditory#
inesthetic# olfactory# and gustatory senses.
• )he resources an individual needs in order to effect
a change are already within them.
• )he ma! is not the territory
• )he !ositive worth of the individual is held constant#
while the value and a!!ro!riateness of internal
andEor external behaviour is (uestioned.
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• )here is a !ositive intention motivating every
behaviour# and a context in which every behavior
has value.
• 5eedbac vs. 5ailure & All results and behaviours are
achievements# whether they are desired outcomesfor a given tasEcontext# or not.
@on't worry if some# or even all of these are confusing & that's "D as confusion always
!recedes understanding# remember-
"n the next few !ages we'll find out more about what each one of these actually means.
Presuppositions of NLP "xplained
0o# for clarity let's consider the full meaning of the
!resu!!ositions from the !revious !age ust to be sure we understand them so that we
can move on to the good stuff.
The ability to change the process by hich e experience reality is often more valuablethan changing the content of our experience of reality
In layman's terms# for exam!le# to the driver of a formula one racing car the ability focus
on safely and sillfully controlling the car at high s!eed against the cloc and his
com!etitors in order to win the race is liely to be more valuable than the increase in
safety he would get from driving around the trac slowly on his own.
Another good exam!le of a situation where there is limited sco!e to change the content
of the ex!erience is a ob interview & es!ecially if you really want the ob. A fairly
common techni(ue for calming the nerves by changing our ex!erience of reality is to
imagine the !erson interviewing you sitting in the nude & underneath the shar! suit theyare ust the same as you and I. )ry that one next time you go for a ob & but try not to
giggle out loudC
The meaning of the communication is the response you get
7ver heard the ex!ression 'it's not hat you said, it's the ay you said it - When we
communicate we assume that the words we use mean something & and they do & but the
meaning of a !articular collection of words might be com!letely different for the !erson
we are communicating with. et we are sur!rised when the !erson we are
communicating with res!onds to our communication in an unex!ected way.
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Acce!ting res!onses to our communications as a measure of their success and being
!re!ared to alter our communications to solicit the res!onse we are looing for instantly
em!owers us to become more successful communicators.
ll distinctions human beings are able to ma$e concerning our environment and our
behavior can be usefully represented through the visual, auditory, $inesthetic, olfactory,and gustatory senses
7verything we do inside our mind and body can be described in terms of things we see#
hear# feel# smell and taste.
Presuppositions of NLP "xplained #$%
The resources an individual needs in order to effect a change are already ithin them
If something is humanly !ossible then it's !ossible for you to do it too afterall# you're a
human being & aren't you-
)his !resu!!osition also includes the conce!t that we all !ossess resources such as
courage or sensitivity but that sometimes we are unable to access those resources under
certain sets of circumstances i.e. we may find it difficult to remain calm and logical in the
face of loud# angry and unwarranted verbal abuse# or to be logical and methodical whilst
ex!eriencing overwhelming excitement.
The map is not the territory
)his is one of my favourite !resu!!ositions and# in my humble o!inion# one of the most
significant underlying !rinci!les of the whole ethos of NLP.
"riginally coined by the Polish&American !hiloso!her and scientist Alfred Dor>ybsi it
relates to the !rinci!le that we# as human beings# do no o!erate directly on the world
but rather on a model of it.
In layman's terms we use the information we tae in through our five senses to build in
our mind an internal re!resentation or internal ma! of the world. As good as that ma!
might be# as it exists only in our own mind it is exactly and only that & a ma! and not
the territory itself# in ust the same way that even the best ma! of the :nited Dingdom#
even if it was made to scale# could never be the :nited Dingdom itself. )his !articular
to!ic area will be covered in more de!th in the Learning 0trategy section.
The positive orth of the individual is held constant, hile the value and appropriatenessof internal and*or external behavior is %uestioned
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In short# !eo!le are not their behaviours. All learning and hence behaviour is geared
towards ada!tation and so behaviour is context de!endant. As an exam!le you may
have ex!erienced being less !atient and chatty when you're feeling tired and run down#
but would it be fair to be udged as mean and grum!y on the basis of that single
incident-
NLP teaches us that we should acce!t the !erson 3including ourselves4 and be willing to
change the behaviour.
Presuppositions of NLP "xplained #&%
There is a positive intention motivating every behavior, and a context in hich every
behavior has value
A !erson who has money but s!ends very little of it may be considered by some to be
mean and behaving in a negative way but# if by doing so that !erson is able to !ay for
their children to have the best !ossible education# the !ositive intention of the behaviour
becomes a!!arent. 3)hat's a good exam!le of reframing by the way# more on that latertoo.4
eedbac$ vs ailure - ll results and behaviors are achievements, hether they are
desired outcomes for a given tas$*context, or not
We learn from our mistaes.
)here is no such thing as failure & only feedbac. Achieving a less&than&desired outcome
is still an achievement. )he only way we can fail is to admit defeat and do nothing.
If we can sus!end our natural urge to feel bad whenever we are less than ;++Fsuccessful we can mae valuable learnings and tae them forward to im!rove our
!erformance on future tass.
)hat basically covers the original !resu!!ositions of NLP as described by $ichard %andler.
1ere's a cou!le of recent additions which I've found useful2&
+espect the other person's model of the orld .
)he world according to the other !erson's model is !robably somewhat different than the
world in your model# as you will discover in the section on $e!resentational Preferences.
%eing !re!ared to res!ect that model and even oin that !erson in their model is very
em!owering.
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ou are in charge of your mind and therefore your results
"r as $ichard %andler would say# who's driving the bus- ou areC
ll procedures should increase choice
NLP is all about increasing choice which in turn gives us more flexibility in our behaviour.
+esistance is merely a sign of a lac$ of rapport
$a!!ort in the context of NLP is a state of trust and res!onsiveness between you and
another !erson. %e !re!ared to wor on establishing a good ra!!ort as once you've
gained it whatever comes next will be a whole lot easier to achieve.
Learning Strategy
'ntroduction
In the !revious section we looed at the !resu!!ositions of NLP
and introduced the learning strategy around which this entire website is built# a sim!le
meta!hor which we labelled the building bloc$s of NL!
As you're now familiar with the conce!t of building bloc u!on bloc# base sill u!on
base sill we are ready to move on and begin looing at other tools that will assist in
learning these sills (uicly and easily.
A good way to ensure success when rising to meet a challenge such as learning a new
sill is to follow these five principles for success2&
;. Dnow your outcome
*. )ae !ositive action
B. 1ave enough sensory awareness to now if you're
being effective
G. 1ave behavioural flexibility
. "!erate from a !hysiology and a !sychology of
excellence
)hese five !rinci!les for success will be ex!lained in more detail on the next !age.
Learning (trategy #$%
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0o let's loo at the )ive Principles for (uccess in a little more detail to be sure we
fully understand them and what they are going to do for us.
1. Know your outcome
%efore embaring on a !articular course of action it's a good idea to now what you wantthe final outcome to be. As yourself & what's my outcome for this# what do I want-
If the outcome is something that will ha!!en some time in the future rather than in the
!resent it can also be good to ee! a written record of what outcome you wanted & and
why.
2. Take positive action
)he best way to get the outcome you want is to tae !ositive action and go through the
ste!s re(uired to get it. $arely do we get something we want without !utting in some
effort u!&front.
ou may be using this website with a s!ecific outcome in mind & enhancing your
communication and inter&!ersonal sills# beating a fear of flying# easily changing your
diet to include more healthy foods and ditch the bad foods for exam!le.
If you don't have an outcome for using this website# tae some !ositive action and
choose an outcome and then tae some more !ositive action and write it down 3we
generally mae stronger commitments# even if only to ourselves# to things we !ut down
in writing4.
3. Have sensory awareness to know if you are being effective
7ver found yourself enthusiastically sharing everything you now about something that
you're really interested in only to find that when you loo around to find out why the
other !erson has sto!!ed res!onding either their eyes have gla>ed over# they've fallen
aslee! or# worse still# they've left the room and you've been taling to yourself for the
!ast ; minutes-
our five senses# 3?isual# Auditory# Dinesthetic# "lfactory and 9ustatory4# are there for a
very good reason & they !rovide ex(uisite feedbac to allow you to gauge if your actions
are !roducing useful results & or not. Learn to use them well.
Learning (trategy #&%More on the )ive Principles for (uccess...
4. Have behavioural flexibility
$ichard %andler might say 'if something that you are doing isn't producing results, do
NT&N. else &f hat you're doing isn't or$ing, NT&N. else has more chance of
success' .
If you now your outcome# you've taen !ositive action to achieve it and you have
enough sensory awareness to now that you are not getting the results you want# youhave a choice to mae.
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ou can either carry on doing the same things and continue to !roduce unwanted
results# or you can ada!t your behaviour as necessary until you get your outcome. Which
one wors best for you-
*he Law of +e,uisite ariety
5rom the field of cybernetics comes the Law of $e(uisite ?ariety which states2&
'the greater the variety ithin a system, the greater its ability to reduce variety in its
environment through regulation'
In layman's terms in a system of interaction 3i.e. between individual human beings4 the
!art of the system with the greatest flexibility in it's behaviours will control the system.
As a useful exam!le consider the relationshi! between !arent and child. )he !arent is
ex!ected to behave in a certain manner# conform to certain !atterns of belief laid down
by his !eers as to how a 'good !arent' should behave. "n the other hand# in our society
we are more tolerant of behaviour demonstrated by children & they're only children
afterall. 1ence children often have greater behavioural flexibility than adults which they
often use to their advantage i.e. when they hear the magical chimes of the ice cream
van and# very often# they end u! controlling the system by ada!ting their behaviour until
they get their outcome & an ice cream. 3My tongue is very firmly in my chee as a write
this but I thin it illustrates the !oint very well.4
Another# !erha!s more succinct consideration is this & if you always do what you've
always done# then you'll always get what you've always got. 5lexibility increases choice.
Learning (trategy #.%More on the )ive Principles for (uccess...
. !perate from a physiology an" a psychology of excellence
1uman beings have certain !hysiologies intimately lined to certain emotional states and
we can utilise this !henomenon to maximise the results that we can !roduce.
Let's illustrate what we mean by this with a little exercise2&
5irstly I want you to slum! in your chair# allow your shoulders to
flo!# allow your head to flo! so that your eyes loo down toward the floor. Put a frown on
your face and imagine that somebody has ust given you a tas to do and that the tas
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is the one thing you most hate doing. )hen imagine that you'll have to do that same
tas# over and over# every day for the rest of eternity.....
1ow does that feel# !retty bad huh-
"ay# shae off that !hysiology and let's do something else instead. %y the way & canyou remember which shoe you !ut on first this morning-
N"WC 0tand u! nice and tall. Push your chest out# !ush your
shoulders bac and tae three dee! breaths# in through the nose# out through the mouth
breathing from the to! of your lungs and lift your eyes so that you're looing slightly
u!wards. Now imagine that helium balloons have been attached to the corners of your
mouth and the outer corner of each eyebrow and that they are !ulling your face u! into
a big silly grin. Allow the balloons to !ull that grin u! and out until it covers your whole
face.
N"W & maintain this !hysiology and the big# silly grin and )$ to feel sad. 9o ahead &
really try to feel sad & it's im!ossible.
As we will learn from the NLP communication model# !hysiology is intimately lined to
state and behaviour and a change in any one is reflected in the other two.
When we ado!t negative !hysiology we enter negative emotional states and !roduce
negative behaviours. 6onversely# ado!ting a !ositive !hysiology has !ositive im!acts on
both our emotional state and resulting behviours. When we act !ositive we !roduce
!ositive results.
"ur choice to o!erate from a !hysiology and !sychology of excellence changes our world
for the better and hel!s us to maximise the results that we !roduce.
NLP /ommunication 0odel
)he diagram below is a re!resentation of the NLP communication model as !resented in
the boo )ime Line )hera!y by )ad /ames and Wyatt Woodsmall. 6lic on the diagram if
you would lie a larger view 3which will o!en in a new window4.
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)he NLP communication model is another of the building blocs that forms the
foundation of all NLP techni(ues. Learn this one thoroughly and you're well on your way
to a solid a!!reciation of NLP.
)his model is a way of ex!laining how we tae information from the outside world into
our neurology and how that in turn affects our behaviours.
)he !rocess begins with an external event which enters our nervous system through the
five senses that mae u! our sensory in!ut channels2&
• isual & what we see
• 1uditory & sound# the words we hear and how
those words are said to us etc.
• 2inesthetic & internal and external feelings#
!ressure# texture etc.
• 3lfactory & the sense of smell
• 4ustatory & the sense of taste
)hese sensory in!ut channels are often referred to in NLP by their initial letters & # 1#
2# 3 and 4 res!ectively.
)he NLP communication model includes the notion that our five senses tae in u! to
*#+++#+++ 3two million4 bits of information !er second. )he notion further states that our
conscious mind can only !rocess =HE&* chuns of information !er second which e(uates
to a!!roximately ;BG bits !er second. It doesn't tae a math degree to see that our
fantastic senses mae available far more information than the conscious mind can
usefully co!e with & so what ha!!ens to the rest-
)he incoming information !asses automatically through a number of filters to reduce the
information down to the =HE* chuns or 3roughly4 ;BG bits that our conscious mind can
co!e with. )he filters do this by2&
Deletion & to attem!t to actively !ay attention to everything entering though our
sensory in!ut channels would not be useful. )hus we omit certain !arts of our current
ex!erience by selectively !aying attention to certain other !arts of it i.e. we focus on
what seems most im!ortant at any one !articular moment in time and allow the rest to
!ass us by.
A common exam!le of why deletion is necessary is that of the use of mobile tele!honeswhilst driving & statistics !rove that so much information is deleted when we try to do
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these two tass simultaneously that we end u! doing both badly and sometimes with
very serious conse(uences.
Distortion & occurs when we mae shifts in our ex!erience of sensory data by maing
misre!resentations of reality. @istortion is a ey com!onent of imagination and a useful
tool in motivating ourselves toward our goals. When we !lan we use distortion toconstruct a!!ealing imaginary futures.
As another exam!le as yourself a sim!le (uestion & would you recognise your best
friend if they changed their clothes or styled their hair in a different way- Without the
ability to distort reality the answer would be no. 7very time your friend changed a single
as!ect of their a!!earance# hair length# hair colour# clothing ty!e# clothing colour etc.#
you would have to learn that entire configuration and add it to the 'ma!' which you label
'my best friend'.
7ach time you saw your friend the only way you could be sure it was them would be to
mentally examine every 'version' of them in the ma! until you found one that matched
the !erson standing in front of you. Add in the fact that they loo different de!ending ontheir facial ex!ression# !hysical !osture# state of health etc.# etc. and the number of
combinations you would have to learn ust to recognise your friend would be hugeC If you
have more than one friend then you really have your wor cut out for youC
)hus we rely on distortion to allow us to identify a !articular thing or !erson over a wide
range of variance.
)he exam!le in the Presu!!ositions section for feeling less stressed during a ob
interview by !icturing the interviewer in the nude is also a good exam!le of distortion.
4eneralisation & is the !rocess by which we draw global conclusions based on one# twoor more ex!eriences.
A useful exam!le of a generalisation is that of a door. We learn that a door is usually a
conduit between two locations & an exit from one location and simultanously an entry
into another location. We also learn that most doors are fixed along one side about an
axis of rotation and that if we !ull or !ush on the o!!osite side of the door it will o!en in
one direction and close in the other. )his is a su!erbly efficient form of learning as once
we've learned how one door wors we have the neccessary information to deal with
doors of any colour# si>e# sha!e or com!osition in any location so long as they conform to
that basic ty!e and we can commit this information to memory for future use.
At it's best generalistion is an efficient means of learning information which can be
a!!lied globally. At it's worst it is the way we tae a single event and turn it into a
lifetime of ex!erience i.e. most !hobias arise as a result of a one&time learning.
=HE&* 3seven !lus or minus two4 re!resents the number of chuns of information that
the conscious mind can usefully attend to at any !oint in time. )o clarify# in o!timum
conditions i.e. calm# relaxed# (uiet# focussed# an average !erson could attend to u! to <
chuns of information at any one time. :nder less than ideal conditions i.e. noisy#
stressed and distracted by other things# an average !erson may only be able to attend to
chuns of information at any one time. Most of the time the average !erson can attend
to = chuns of information at any one time.
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6hun si>e is variable and usually relates to the com!lexity of each chun. 5urther
ex!lanations relating to chuning can be found elsewhere on this website.
NLP /ommunication 0odel cont!
)his !age continues from the !revious !age on the NLP communication model & the
diagram is re!eated here for ease of reference.
Learning about the the individual sensory filters and how they delete# distort and
generalise the information coming in through our five senses will be covered on the next
!age. 5or now it's more useful to close the loo! on the NLP communication model by
ex!laining what ha!!ens to the information once it has !assed through the filters#
!roviding the resultant =HE&* chuns or ;BG bits of data that the conscious mind can
usefully attend to.
0o far the data from the external event & the sights# sounds# feelings# tastes and smells#
has been filtered down to a manageable si>e. )his data then gets stored in our mind as
an internal re!resentation of that external event. 1ow that internal re!resentation 3I$4
com!ares with the external event will de!end on what the filters deleted# how the filters
distorted the data and whether any existing or freshly made generalisations werea!!lied.
It's also worth noting at this stage that generalisations can get revised as we mae new
learnings and these revisions can cause us to re&evaluate internal re!resentations we've
made about !ast external events i.e. we see things in a new light and have a different
a!!reciation E change our o!inions of something that ha!!ened in the !ast. $emember &
all learning and behaviour is geared towards ada!tation.
0o we have an internal re!resentation 3or thought if you !refer a 'user friendly' term4 of
an external event. )hat internal re!resentation and our evaluation of it is intimately
lined to our emotional state 3how we feel4# our !hysiology 3body !osition# sin colour
and tem!erature# muscle tone etc.4 and to our behaviour 3our actions4 for exam!le2&
• Jueueing for the latest big&thrill su!er&loo!ing gut
wrenching roller&coaster ride at our favourite theme
!ar we see the train flash !ast# hear riders
screaming# feel the vibrations resonate through the
structure under the 9&force. We may feel excited#
feel the effects of adrenaline on our body and
whoo! with excitement as we !ush to the front of
the (ueue. "n the other hand we may feel sic with
dread# attem!t to mae ourselves as small as
!ossible and then run in the o!!osite direction asfast as our now wobbly legs can carry us.
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• 1earing a !itiful 'miow' we loo u! to see a tiny
itten# successful in it's first adventure into tree
climbing. Problem is that it hasn't wored out how
to get down yet and it's cries suggest that it's none
too !leased about it. We may feel sym!athy for the
tiny creature# ado!t the !ersona of our favouritesu!er hero and rescue this brave fur ball from it's
!redicament. "n the other hand we may feel
disdain for it's 'obvious stu!idity'# snarl in it's
general direction decide that it should have thought
about how it was going to get down from the tree
before embaring on it's ascent and that it 'has to
learn some time'.
Now that we've considered two !ossible external events and seen how subectively we
could ex!erience very different emotional states# ex!erience very different changes in
our !hysiology and exhibit very different behaviours we understand the beginning and
end !oints of the NLP communication model.
)he 'bits&in&the&middle' that influence hich set or combination of state and !hysiology
we will ex!erience and which behaviours that might !roduce are the filters & so now it's
useful to understand more about how they wor and we'll begin to loo at that on the
next !age.
Perceptual )ilters
)his !age continues from the !revious !age on the NLP communication model & the
diagram is re!eated here for ease of reference.
0o now we understand that an external event !asses through !erce!tual filters which
delete# distort and generalise the incoming data# leaving a !acage of data that we can
usefully attend to consciously. We also understand that our conscious mind stores that
data in an internal re!resentation 3or memory4 of that external event which is intimately
lined with our emotional state and !hysiology which in turn influences our behaviours.
)he !erce!tual filters that !erform the deletion# distortion and generalisation !rocesses
are organised in layers thus2&
0eta Programs & are the most unconscious of the !erce!tion filters and are content
free i.e. they are not based on any !ast ex!erience or beliefs. Whether you see the glass
as half em!ty or half full is an exam!le of one of your meta !rograms.
alues & are the next most unconscious filter and are the first level at which the filtershave content as they are based u!on our ex!eriences to date. ?alues are those things
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we are !re!ared to fight for and also those things we try to live u! to. ?alues are those
things we are !re!ared to invest resources in to either achieve or avoid. ?alues are how
we now right from wrong# good from bad# what's im!ortant and what isn't# and they
are also how we decide about how we feel about our actions and the actions of others.
?alues are arranged in a hierarchy# usually with most im!ortant one at the to! and thelesser ones below. ?alues are also context de!endent & your values about what's
im!ortant to you in a relationshi! are !robably very different from you values about
what's im!ortant to you in your career. ?alues can also be lined to and vary with
changes in emotional state.
5eliefs & on one level beliefs are convictions that certain things are true or real and are
also generalisations about the state of the world around us. %eliefs are !resu!!ositions
that we have about certain things and can create or deny !ersonal !ower for us i.e. we
have a better chance of achieving an obective if we first truly believe we are ca!able of
doing so. If we believe that we will fail then the lielihood of that being our outcome
increases. In modelling an ability we admire in another individual and desire for
ourselves# finding out what the enabling beliefs are that allow that !erson to have thatability is vital.
1ttitudes & are collections of values and beliefs around a !articular subect. "ften we
are (uite conscious of our attitudes and often we share them with others i.e. '/ell that's
the ay & feel about'. 6hange made at the level of attitude is far more difficult to
achieve than change made at the level of values.
0emories & the collection of memories we build u! during the course of our lives dee!ly
affect both our !erce!tions and our !ersonality. "ur memories are who we are. 0ome
!sychologists believe that as we get older our reactions to !resent external events
actually have very little to do with the !resent# and are in fact reactions to gestalts &collections of !ast memories organised in a certain way around certain subects. 9estalts
are formed when a number of individual ex!eriences of the same ty!e get s(uashed
together to form one single generalised memory.
Decisions & the sixth filter# also related to memories are decisions which we made in our
!ast. @ecisions about who we are and what we are ca!able of# es!ecially negative or
limiting decisions# can affect our entire lives. )he decisions we mae may generate
beliefs# values and attitudes or they may ust affect our !erce!tions though time.
0ometimes we mae decisions unconsciously or at a very early age and then forget
them. )hese decisions may not get re&evaluated in the context of new ex!erience and as
a result can affect our lives in ways which were not originally intended.
*he map is not the territory
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In the !revious section we looed at the NLP 6ommunication
Model and learned how a significant amount of the information about the outside world is
filtered down to a si>e that our conscious mind can usefully attend to at any single !oint
in time.
It is useful now# having learned that nowledge# to return to one of the !resu!!ositions
of NLP & )he ma! is not the territory# and understand more about what that means.
)o reca! briefly# a!!roximately * million bits of information !er second !our in throughour five senses. )his information !asses through a number of !erce!tion filters which
delete# distort and generalise# leaving a!!roximately ;BG bits !er second which we use
to construct an Internal $e!resentation 3I$4 of the external event.
"ur I$'s combine to form our internal ma! of the world. As human beings we o!erate on
our ma!s of the world rather than directly on the world itself 3reca! com!lete4.
ery significant point coming up - pay close attention6
Now & given the obvious difference between * million bits !er second and ;BG bits !er
second# we clearly see that a significant amount of the incoming information is lost in the
selection !rocess. )hus we can also clearly see why our ma! of the world could N7?7$
%7 the world itself# ust as a ma! of the :D# even if it was built to scale by a team of
ex!erts# could N7?7$ %7 the :D itself.
We can also conclude that as we are all individuals and individually !ay attention to
different things that our internal ma!s will vary very significantly. 7ven if a grou! of
individuals are all !aying attention to the same external event# the very different
!erce!tual filters that they each have will mean that they are liely to selectively !ay
attention to different as!ects of that same external event and hence their individual
Internal $e!resentations will also differ from one another.
*he map is not the territory #$%
)here's an NLP oe which goes something lie & &f you have tenitnesses to a ban$ robbery and you intervie them all, ho many different stories ill
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you get0 120 No - the correct anser is 11 because there's alays one multiple
personality .
"ay# it's not the best oe in the world but it does illustrate another im!ortant !oint on
the theme of The map is not the territory & the differences between one !erson's internal
ma! of reality when com!ared to another !erson's ma! can be (uite striing. )his is theguiding !rinci!le behind another of the Presu!!ositions of NLP & $es!ect the other
!erson's model.
$es!ecting the other !erson's model em!owers us to communicate with that !erson
more effectively. We may need to sus!end some of our own beliefs# the ones based on
our model# to truly hear what the other !erson is saying 3we're not giving u! our beliefs
here# ust sus!ending them tem!orarily4. %y doing so we might# ust might# find out
something useful that we can use to enrich our own model. If the other individual can do
the same they too stand to gain more from the communication & a true win&win
outcome.
)ry this sim!le exercise to illustrate the !oint. 0it down with a !iece of !a!er and a !enand imagine taing a wal along a familiar street & !erha!s your local high street. As you
go# write down each landmar 3sho!# house etc.4 that you !ass. )ry also to include any
small details about each one that stic out such as the colour of the door or of any
signage# any !articular sounds or even smells that are associated with that !art of the
ourney.
As a friend or !erha!s a family member to undertae the same exercise by themselves
& do not com!are notes at this stage.
"nce you've both com!leted the exercise then it's time to com!are notes. )here are
liely to be a lot of similarities between the two but what we are interested in are thedifferences & and you may find a lot of them. )he differences illustrate how our internal
ma!s of the same external locations and events can vary significantly
)he final !art of the exercise is to wal that ourney for real to see whose internal ma!
best matched the real world and maybe even find areas where the real world is
com!letely different from either of your internal ma!s.
)+'"NDL7 *'P & reading about subective exerience and NLP is a good !lace to start
but always remember that actions s!ea louder than words. ou will learn far more from
getting out there and actually @"IN9 than you ever will from reading alone.
*he four stages of competence
It can be useful when beginning to learn a new subect area#
!articularly a multi&faceted subect area lie NLP# to recognise that our com!etence will
grow in stages. :sually this growth is in direct !ro!ortion to the amount of focused effort
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we are willing to invest in this learning. 1ere we cover four stages of com!etence as a
useful addition to our learning strategy.
(tage 8 we call Unconscious 'ncompetence because this is where we don9t know
what we don9t know.
At stage ; we may not even be aware that an o!!ortunity for learning exists. If we are
aware of the existence of some nowledge or a sill that we don't !osess# we may be
unaware of a !articularly good reason for ac(uiring that nowledge or sill# or of it's
relevance to us.
"nce we have recognised the existence of that nowledge or sill and of the benefits of
ac(uiring it for ourselves we are em!owered to move forward to the next stage.
A ty!ical exam!le of this would be learning to drive a car. )his learning o!!ortunity only
becomes available to most of us once we reach an a!!ro!riate age. %efore then we are
aware that one can learn to drive a motor vehicle# but there are no significant benefits in
trying to do so until we can usefully 3and legally4 use that sill.
(tage $ is where we move into /onscious 'ncompetence where we do know what
we don9t know.
We've already recognised that there is a worthwhile learning o!!ortunity available to us
and therefore that there is an area of nowledge or sill in which we are deficient. We
can now begin to thin about how we are going to constructively address that deficiency
and move toward com!etence.
In the exam!le of learning to drive a car# this is where we would boo some lessons with
a (ualified instructor and start learning the 1ighway 6ode.
*he four stages of competence #$%
)he fact that you've reached this !oint of the website means that
you've already achieved the first two stages of com!etence. Notice how good it feels to
have made so much !rogress so (uicly and notice what you say to yourself in your own
mind as you realise how much you've already learned.
(tage & we call /onscious /ompetence because this is where we know what we
know.
In stage B we focus on actually learning the nowledge or sills that we identified as
being of value to us in 0tage ;. )o learn effectively we have to actively concentrate and
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consciously thin about exactly what we are doing at every stage as we store the
learnings that will enable us to mae use of our new nowledge reliably# at will and
without assistance in the future.
In the later !arts of 0tage B we should be able to demonstrate the sill or nowledge to
other !eo!le# but we may not be able to teach it well to others yet. $e!eated !ractice isthe single most effective way to move from 0tage B to 0tage G.
In our exam!le of learning to drive a car# !assing our driving test would be a good
exam!le of the end !hase of 0tage B.
(tage . is nown as Unconscious /ompetence which is where we don9t know what
we know 3that is to say we become less consciously aware of what we now4 and
through continued !ractice the use of what we now becomes second nature and moves
from being a conscious to an unconscious functioning.
Peo!le who have been driving for a number of years usually demonstrate unconscious
com!etence. All of the sills re(uired to drive the car have become so entrenched in
their unconscious that they may be able to do other things at the same time. Peo!le may
describe o!erating at this level of com!etence is o!erating intuitively.
At this level of com!etence we may find that we can effectively teach what we have
learned to others. After an extended !eriod we may also find that as we do what we do
in an unconsciously com!etent way it has become so instinctual that we actually find
difficulty in ex!laining it to others. )his is why we must avoid com!lacency and
!eriodically chec our unconscious com!etence against new standards.
(et your outcome
7arlier in the Learning 0trategy section we covered the 5ive
Princi!les for 0ucces# the first of which was 3no your outcome. Dnowing your outcome
is im!ortant but it's even more im!ortant to ensure that your outcome is well thoughtout and will be useful.
I've had a few different obs in my relatively short but eventful life but I remember one
manager in !articular who often made what at the time seemed lie casual throw&away
comments but looing bac were !earls of wisdom.
"ne of those !earls# I feel# is !articularly relevant here & 'before beginning the climb
up the ladder of success, just step bac$ for a moment and chec$ that it isn't leaning
against the rong all'
0o we're going to tae a ste! bac here and consider useful methods which will hel! usto ensure that we set for ourselves what are nown in NLP as well formed outcomes.
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In NLP a well formed outcome must com!ly with certain criteria# i.e. it must be2&
;. 0tated in the !ositive
*. 0ensory s!ecific
B. 6ontextualised
G. 0elf achievable
. 7cological
K. Worthwhile
7m!loying these sim!le criteria in order to set well formed outcomes hel!s to ensure
that those outcomes will be successful in many ways including2&
;. Avoidance of unintended costs or conse(uences
*. $esistance to achieving the goal resulting from
internal conflicting feelings or thoughts about the
outcome.
"n the next !age we'll examine the criteria and the !rocess of setting well formed
outcomes in more detail.
Well formed outcomes in NLP
Well formed outcomes re(uire a little !lanning and !re!aration.
We can easily verify that our outcomes will com!ly with the !re&re(uisite criteria and
thus will be well formed by asing ourselves ust a few sim!le (uestions2&
:8! What specifically do you want;
%y establishing exactly what we @" want rather than what we @"N') want# we ensure
that our outcome is stated !urely in !ositive terms i.e. '& ant to feel confident about my
s$ills' rather than '& don't ant to feel orried and inade%uate every time & attempt
something ne '.
:$! ow specifically will you know when you have this;
We need some !recise measure which is observable through our five senses so that we
can now when we have our outcome. In the above exam!le this could be '&'ll see the
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evidence of my ability and ill $no &'ve done a good job ' or '4y design ill produce
sales for the business'.
:&! Where
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An ecological outcome is one which answers '56' to the following three (uestions & is it
safe to me- Is it safe to others- Is it safe to the !lanet-
Always ensure that your outcomes are balanced and ecological.
:>! What is the benefit of this outcome or which of your values will be fulfilledby achieving it;
Mae sure your outcome is worthwhile i.e. something that truly has a useful# !ositive
im!act on your life whether directly# or by !roxy by enhancing the lives of others around
you.
An excellent resource which covers Well 5ormed "utcomes in NLP in more detail is )ime
Line )hera!y and the %asis of Personality by )ad /ames and Wyatt Woodsmall
(ensory acuity
(ensory & relating to sensation# to the !erce!tion of a stimulus
and the voyage made by incoming nerve im!ulses from the sense organs to the nerve
centres.
1cuity & the level of shar!ness of a sense and it's usefulness in resolving fine levels of
detail.
0ight# sound# touch# smell and taste are the tools we use to !erceive what is going on in
the world & both within our own body and outside of it. It stands to reason therefore that
the most effective use of our senses will yield the highest (uality information. 1igher
(uality information in turn im!roves our chances of enhancing our !erformance.
"ur maor aim in the !ractice of sensory acuity is not necessarily to im!rove the senses
themselves 3we can only use the tools we have4# rather it is to im!rove our use of those
tools by increasing and enhancing our awareness of the information !rovided to us byour senses and to im!rove our abilities to mae ever finer distinctions in that
information.
"ne of the 5ive Princi!les for 0uccess covered earlier was have enough sensory
aareness to $no if you are being effective.
5rom the Presu!!ositions of NLP we learned that the meaning of our communication is
the response that e get .
0har!ly focussing our sensory awareness to accurately and fully measure the res!onses
that we are getting to our communication and thus verify if we're communicating
effectively is one very im!ortant use of sensory acuity.
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0ensory acuity also demands that our re!resentations about the information !rovided to
us by our five senses must be described using !urely sensory based descri!tions. We'll
find out more about what this means on the next !age.
(ensory based descriptions
(ensory based descriptions & what exactly do we mean by
that-
Always remember that confusion !recedes understanding.
Probably the best way to ex!lain what is meant by the !hrase sensory based
descriptions is with a small illustrative exercise.
)ae a good loo at the guy on the left. In fact# if you want to get
a really good loo at him clic on the image for a larger view.
Now# before you scroll down and read the rest of this !age# tae a !en and !a!er and
write down a descri!tion of the guy in the image above. ou don't need to write a huge
essay# three or four clear descri!tive !oints should do the tric.
"nce you've written your descri!tion you can go ahead and scroll down to read the rest
of the exercise.
1ere are some things you could have written to describe the !icture above2&
The man loo$s angry, as if he's pointing at somebody or something and shouting at
them
e loo$s scary, as if he's really annoyed
Now# whilst the !icture could lead us to believe that some of these things are true# can
we be certain- )he answer is no and in fact what we are doing is what's described in NLP
as a mind read i.e. we've looed at the !icture and made certain udgements without
nowing the truth.
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"ther mind reads about this !icture could be that the guy is !assionately singing o!era#
or that he's cheering his favourite football team as they score a goalC
A sensory based descri!tion of this image would include only those things which we can
verify with our own senses such as2&
is mouth is ide open is teeth and tongue are visible There is tension in the s$in
beneath his eyes and on the bridge of his nose The s$in at the outer edges of his eyes
is rin$led is left arm is raised is left hand forms a fist ith the index finger pointing
toards us
(ensory acuity - what to look for
In inter&!ersonal communication sensory acuity enables us to
notice subtle !hysiological shifts in those we are communicating with which in turn give
us an idea about how our communication is being received# to now if our
communication is going in.
@uring inter&!ersonal communication !eo!le constantly mae very subtle shifts in their
!hysiology from moment to moment which we often do not consciously notice since theverbal !art of the communication taes the focus of our attention.
)he non&verbal elements of inter&!ersonal communication can often give us insights
about the communication that are not !rovided by the words being s!oen# which in turn
guide us in how to modify our communication in order to get our desired outcome.
Many !hysiological changes occur and here we'll loo at five maor changes which are
useful to notice2&
(kin colour & from moment to moment there are changes in a !erson's sin colour. )he
shift is usually from a whiter colour to a redder colour or what is commonly described asa blushing of the sin.
)he easiest way to loo for this is to imagine the !erson in blac&and&white and loo for
changes from light to dar. )his may sound odd but it's a useful way to monitor the shift
from !aler shades to redder shades by measuring it in terms of a shift from light to dar.
What we must avoid here is a!!lying our own meaning to that colour shift based on that
shift alone & we must stic to sensory based descri!tions.
We may loo at a !erson with a red face and assume that they are embarrassed and of
course we could be com!letely wrong & they could e(ually be angry or be hot from
exercising or the shift could be due to a shift from sym!athetic to !arasym!athetic
functioning.
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)he moment we ascribe meaning to a !hysiological shift we are guilty of mind reading.
We must stic to sensory based descri!tions in order to use our sensory in!uts cleanly.
(ensory acuity - what to look for
(kin tonus & the tone of the muscles underlying the sin#
!articularly of the face# is another useful indicator of !hysiology and non&verbal
communication.
We are looing to detect here if the sin of the face is tight or loose. )ight sin will tend
to loo more shiny than loose sin.
5reathing & an individual will change their breathing from moment to moment and what
we are most interested in is the rate and the location of the breathing.
%y watching the torso rising and falling we loo to detect if the breathing is fast or slow
and whether it is high in the chest or low in the stomach.
Lower lip si?e & a !erson's lower li! si>e changes from fatter and fuller 3loo for lines4
to thinner and more drawn out 3no lines4.
*he eyes & are they focused or defocused- Are the !u!ils dilated or undilated-
)he more time you s!end !ractising sensory acuity the more silfull you will become. 0et
aside some time each day to !ractice. "ften it is useful to focus on one element each day
and observe a number of !eo!le i.e on day one observe sin colour# on day two sin
tonus or breathing and so on.
$emember at all times that the ma! is not the territory. Dee! your sensory in!ut
channels clean by describing your observations !urely in sensory based terms.
As you !ractice sensory acuity you will become increasingly aware of things that you ust
never noticed before. ou will become increasingly and automatically aware of all of the
subtle changes that !eo!le mae in their !hysiology from moment to moment. )his in
turn will assist you in becoming a master of inter&!ersonal communications as you learn
to read ust where the other !erson is and how your communication is getting through.
Perception is pro@ection
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In the section on )he ma! is not the territory we examined the
notion that human beings o!erate on the world through internal mental ma!s# rather
than directly on the world itself.
)hrough this notion we learned that what we believe to be 'real' or 'true' is based u!on
the information we retain after our !erce!tions of the outside world have !assed through
a number of filters.
Another notion used in NLP which com!lements the notion of the ma! not being the
territory is that perception is projection and that we see things not as they are# but as
we are.
6onfused- )hat's right# you are but read on & enlightenment awaits you.
)o understand !erce!tion is !roection consider the filtering !rocess of generalisation. In
an earlier exam!le we considered the usefulness of generalisation when looing at a
door# and how we might use the generalisations we made about one door as an efficient
method of understanding how all doors wor.
When we come to another door rather than re&learning the conce!t and it's function
afresh we refer to the ma! we made earlier and a!!ly that ma! or pro@ect it onto this
new door. )hus we believe this new door is ust lie the door in our ma!# that it has the
same !ro!erties and will behave in exactly the same ways.
With something as sim!le as doors these !rocesses generally wor !retty well for us.
Peo!le however are entirely more com!lex than doors 3at least most of them are4.
Perception is pro@ection #$%
In order to understand our world we attem!t to a!!ly meaning to
it.
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"r# if we acce!t that each of us is a uni(ue human being and that each !erson's ma! of
the world is also uni(ue# in order to understand our worlds we attem!t to a!!ly meaning
to them & each of us attem!ts to a!!ly our own meanings to our world in order to
understand it.
In order to understand other !eo!le we attem!t to a!!ly meaning to their actions# theirbehaviours and their communications.
1owever# as incredible as we are as human beings we are limited in our ability to truly
understand other human beings# why they do the things they do# why they say the
things they say and what they truly mean when they do and say them.
)he only way we could truly understand another human being would be to actually
become them & to be born as them# to grow u! as them# to have exactly the same
ex!eriences# thoughts# environment and influences as them.
)ools which we use to get around these limitations include our imagination and our
ability to use our ma! of reality to !roect meaning onto external obects and events.
)hese are useful tools but they too are limited in that the !roections we mae# the
meanings we ascribe to the world around us and our understandings of it# are generated
from within & we !roect ourselves onto our world# we see things not as they are but as
we are.
Perception is pro@ection #&%
:seful exam!les of conce!ts such as perception is projection can
be found in the writings of 0te!hen $. 6ovey# such as this exam!le from The 7 abits of
ighly 5ffective !eople &
'& remember a mini paradigm shift & experienced one 6unday morning on a subay in
Ne or$ !eople ere sitting %uietly - some reading nespapers, some lost in thought,
some resting ith their eyes closed &t as a calm and peaceful scene
Then suddenly, a man and his children entered the subay car The children ere so
loud and rambunctious that instantly the hole climate changed
The man sat don next to me and closed his eyes, apparently oblivious to the situation
The children ere yelling bac$ and forth, throing things, even grabbing people's
papers &t as very disturbing nd yet, the man sitting next to me did nothing
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&t as difficult not to feel irritated & could not believe that he could be so insensitive as
to let his children run ild li$e that and do nothing about it, ta$ing no responsibility at
all &t as easy to see that everyone else on the subay felt irritated, too 6o finally ith
hat & felt as unusual patience and restraint, & turned to him and said, "6ir, your
children are really disturbing a lot of people & onder if you couldn't control them a little
more0"
The man lifted his ga8e as if to come to a consciousness of the situation for the first time
and said softly, "9h, you're right & guess & should do something about it /e just came
from the hospital here their mother died about an hour ago & don't $no hat to
thin$, and & guess they don't $no ho to handle it either"
:an you imagine hat & felt at that moment0 4y paradigm shifted 6uddenly & sa
things differently, and because & sa differently, & thought differently, & felt differently, &
behaved differently 5verything changed in an instant
Perception is pro@ection #.%
Acce!tance of the conce!ts of the map is not the territory and
perception is projection significantly increase our abilities to use our sensory in!ut
channels maximally and cleanly# to communicate more effectively and to bring to bear a
new and beneficial attitude of wanton curiosity which will lead us in the direction of all
manner of new and fascinating discoveries.
%y res!ecting the other !erson's model of the world or even willingly ste!!ing outside of
our own model and engaging momentarily with them in their model of the world# our
!otential for inter&!ersonal communication increases ex!onentially.
6ountless o!!ortunities for learning and growth will !resent themselves to us if we can
only sus!end our own beliefs and attitudes for even a short while.
%y resisting our natural in&built inclination to see the world as e are and instead to see
it as it is or even to see the orld as others see it we not only focus our sensory and
mental a!!aratus more usefully and !roductively# we actually stand to benefit from
innumerable o!!ortunities to continually enrich our own im!overished model.
RAPPORT
What is rapport;
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$a!!ort is one of the most im!ortant features or characteristicsof unconscious human interaction.
It can be described as a state of mutual trust and res!onsiveness between individuals or
grou!s of !eo!le.
"ther descri!tions of ra!!ort include being in synch# being on the same avelength and
commonality of perspective.
In inter&!ersonal communication the !rior establishment of a good ra!!ort can mean the
difference between a successful# !roductive communication and an unsuccessful# non&
!roductive interaction.
We can use ra!!ort in inter&!ersonal communication to encourage the !erson we are
communicating with to relax# to feel a sense of familiarity and comfort in their interaction
with us and to lower the barriers of resistance and become more rece!tive to our
communication.
7stablishing a good ra!!ort is also instrumental to the successful use of the maority of
the techni(ues within Neuro Linguistic Programming.
In order for many of the the techni(ues to be used with maximum effectiveness the
!erson on the receiving end may need to sus!end or change their beliefs# see things
from different !ers!ectives or even ex!erience a com!lete !aradigm shift in their
!erce!tions of the world.
5or some !eo!le# !rocesses which force them to ste! outside of their comfort >one by
vigorously shaing their model of the world will be immediately !erceived as !ositive#
interesting and even exciting. "thers may find the ex!erience confusing or even a little
scary. 0till others will ex!erience a whole gamut of mental# !hysical and emotional
res!onses. All of these res!onses are normal.
%y establishing good ra!!ort at the outset we can gain commitment from the other
!arty# conscious or unconscious# to trust the !rocess even when they do not fully
understand how the !rocess wors and what the ultimate outcome will be.
*he basis of rapport
1ave you ever had an ex!erience where you were chatting with a
!erson you had ust met and you felt as if you had met them before or that you hadnown them your whole life-
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1ave you ever formed an instantaneous connection with another !erson for no !articular
reason other than you felt that they were your $ind of person-
1ave you ever had an ex!erience where you were woring with another !erson on a
!articular tas and your combined in!ut led to the tas flowing effortlessly to com!letion
and !roduced results far in excess of what you had both originally thought !ossibleindividually-
1ave you ever had an ex!erience where your communication with another !erson was so
effortless and synergistic that you found yourselves com!leting each other's sentences-
)he chances are that you can answer es to at least one of these (uestions and if you
can then you have ex!erienced ra!!ort.
$a!!ort is something that we as human beings do naturally every day and often without
being consciously aware of it.
As a rule of thumb !eo!le lie !eo!le who are lie themselves. It's very easy to get into
ra!!ort with a !erson you identify with strongly# where there are common ex!eriences
and frames of reference that give you a common ground for communication and
interaction.
"ver the next few !ages we will identify ways in which we can actively build ra!!ort with
another individual even when we don't immediately have access to the common ground
that would cause ra!!ort to occur naturally.
Physiology and tonality
In ;
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7ver had a really difficult day# the ind where you feel lie you should really have ust
thrown the alarm cloc at the wall and stayed in bed-
@uring that really bad day when someone ass you how you're day is going you say & 9h
yeah, &'m having a +5LL .+5T day, never better .
)aing the words 3=F4 at face value the !erson asing the (uestion could easily believe
that you were indeed having a really great day 3demonstrating this in text wors
brilliantly because the words are all you have to go on# you have to imagine the rest4.
1owever# when we consider the sarcastic tone of voice em!hasising the words +5LL
.+5T 3tonality & B,F4# the loo of dismay on your face# droo!ing shoulders# droo!ing
head and the huge sigh as you force the words out 3!hysiology & F4 it becomes
evident once we have the full communication that the meaning of your communication is
actually the com!lete o!!osite of the words that you usedC
A ey !oint to remember is that in this exam!le !hysiology and tonality are heavily
exaggerated for em!hasis & in regular every day communication# shifts in !hysiology and
tonality are far more subtle and often so subtle that they are outside of our conscious
awareness.
0atching and mirroring
$emember that !eo!le tend to lie !eo!le who are lie
themselves. ou will tend to lie !eo!le who are lie you# I will tend to lie !eo!le who
are lie me.
)he most im!ortant ey to gaining instant ra!!ort with another individual therefore is to
mae ourselves lie them. "ne way that we can do this is to match and mirror their
words 3=F4# tonality3B,F4 and !hysiology 3F4.
Another im!ortant !oint to remember is that ra!!ort is not some new techni(ue that we
are learning here for the first time. )he state of ra!!ort is something that occurs (uite
naturally on a regular basis during our communication# without any conscious effort on
our !art. What we are seeing to learn here is how to actively and ra!idly create a state
of ra!!ort with another individual whenever we choose.
If the other !erson becomes aware that we are actively using s!ecific techni(ues to
create the ra!!ort state then it is highly liely that the state of trust and res!onsiveness
will be lost. )hus we will have a higher success rate if we match and mirror the most
unconscious elements of the other !erson's behaviour during the communication.
0omewhat conveniently the elements of communication that are most outside of our
conscious awareness are our !hysiology and tonality which# also conveniently# together
amount to
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)hus by matching and mirroring the !hysiology and tonality of the !erson we are
communicating with we can mae ourselves most lie them# and thus generate ra!!ort#
without their becoming consciously aware of the !rocess. $emember that subtlety is the
ey. Mae your matching and mirroring a feint reflection of the other !erson's behaviour
so that it does not become obvious to them consciously.
We can also match and mirror the words that are used by the !erson we are
communicating with. )his will obviously be more inside their conscious awareness but
will add to the ra!!ort as using some of the same words is a natural !art of
conversation.
Let's first of all consider some of the !arts of a !erson's !hysiology that we can mirror.
An exhaustive list is far beyond the sco!e of this article & there are infinite subtle
elements and nuances that we can match and mirror if only we have the sensory acuity
to notice them. 1ere are a few suggestions2&
Posture
• Are they sitting# standing# neeling# slouching-
• Are they relaxed or tense-
• Are they leaning in any !articular direction-
• Are their legs or arms crossed-
• Are their hands in their !ocets or holding an
obect-
• Is their head tilted in a certain direction-
• Are their feet together or a!art-
4estures
• @o they gesture with their hands in a !articular
way-
• @o they gesture with nods of the head or another
body !art-
• Are the gestures
largeEsmallEexaggeratedErestricted-
• Are their gestures toward a !articular !erson or
thing-
• @o they use gestures to assist in describing obects
or locations-
)acial "xpressions
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I s!ent some time considering useful ways to describe or define facial ex!ressions for the
!ur!oses of this article and came to the conclusion that as my model of the world differs
from yours# my subective descri!tion of a facial ex!ression would differ from yours.
1umans have B facial muscles which contribute in varying degrees to a myriad nuances
of facial ex!ression that we are ca!able of. If you have enough sensory acuity you will be
able to distinguish facial ex!ressions far more ex(uisitely than I can describe here in
mere words alone and# as a rule of thumb# if you can observe it you should be able to
matchEmirror it.
"bvious areas of the face to consider are the brow 3is it wrinled or smooth# raised or
lowered-4# the mouth 3including li!s# teeth and tongue4# the bridge of the nose 3wrinledor smooth-4# the eyes# the chees and chee bones# the aw and also loo for facial
symmetry or asymmetry.
If you want to find out more about facial ex!ressions you can learn all about li! corner
!ullers# nasolabial dee!eners and li! !ucerers by studying the 5acial Action 6oding
0ystem or 5A60.
5link rate
Not an obvious !art of !hysiology to match# some may say# but it can be more !owerful
than one might thin in establishing ra!!ort and it is very far outside of a !erson'sconsciousness.
5reathing
• $ate & is it fast and shallow or slow and dee!-
• Location & high in the chest# low in the stomach or a
the mid&line of the torso-
• Pattern & is it regular or irregular-
Avoid matching the breathing of a !erson with a res!iratory condition such as asthma &
distressing for them and unhealthy for you.
0atching and mirroring #cont!%
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