Mentoring Skills

Mentoring is a way for two parties to share their experiences with one another, benefiting both parties.

Mentoring is usually a relationship between people of different statuses. The mentor is normally older or more experienced than the mentee.

Mentoring is used to help people through times of change and transition.

Mentoring is a learning process for both parties. You will learn about yourself, your mentee’s, and about relationships.

Rules & Guidelines

Encouraging Participation

Managing Meetings

Maintaining Contact

Rules & Guidelines

Read the Rules & Guidelines pdf

document in the Mentoring Skills

module on Blackboard.

Encouraging Participation

How can you encourage participation?By developing three important skills we will cover:•Questioning•Listening•Using Body Language

As a mentor, your role is to facilitate. This means encouraging your group members to participate in discussion and activities to aid their development and transition to UK life and education.

Questioning

There is a skill to asking the right question. Correct questioning is important in encouraging involvement and building an honest and open relationship with your mentee.

Asking embarrassing questions can have a negative effect on the relationship.

Closed QuestionsClosed questions require a specific answer, usually answered by a yes/no or a single word. These types of questions are limiting.

They can be useful to: •Verify information•Confirm understanding of facts•Confirm agreement or commitment•Get a decision where there are only two alternatives

Example: Have you been to Wales?

Hint: You should avoid asking too many closed questions in succession because this can be wearing and intimidating for the respondent.

Open QuestionsOpen questions are aimed at provoking an extended response. They require the speaker to answer in the way they see fit, with as much or as little information as they feel comfortable disclosing.

Open questions enable you to:•Establish a rapport and put the other person at ease•Encourage uninhibited feedback•Help to explore opinions in more detail•Create involvement and commitment•Check our understanding more comprehensively

Example: What do you enjoy about England?

How can I ask the right question?The two main types of question are:

Probing QuestionsThese questions build upon a previous answer to gain more information or clarification about what the speaker has said. These are often the most difficult types of questions to ask and can be a mix of open and closed questions.

Reflective Questioning This is a method of rephrasing what has been said and reflecting it back to the other person. This can be useful in testing your own understanding of what has been said, and it can encourage the other person to talk more.

Example: ‘So what you mean is …, am I correct?’

Justifying QuestionsThese questions provide an opportunity for further explanation of reasons, attitudes or feelings. They can provide useful responses to a question, but they can also come across as confrontational especially if delivered in a challenging way.

Example: ‘What makes you so angry?’‘You say this but are you sure?’

Hypothetical QuestionsThese are questions that pose a situation or suggestion. These can be useful if you want to introduce a new idea or concept, check that implications of an earlier answer are understood, or challenge a response without causing offence.

Example: ‘What if…?’

Other types of questions to consider:

Tips for questioning:

•Develop your own style. Tone of voice, body language and the speed you ask a question can all effect how someone reacts to your question.•Try to ask clear, concise and specific questions.•Pause to give time for responses when you ask a question- 10 second rule.•Avoid interrupting students answers.•Consider answers before responding. •Check your understanding by summarising and using reflective questions.

Things to avoid:

•Avoid asking long-winded questions, they will probably be misunderstood.•Don’t ask leading or loaded questions; they usually only demonstrate what you know rather than what the respondent knows or thinks.•Don’t use complex inappropriate language; you simply want to be understood.•Don’t assume the answer or jump to the conclusion that what you hear first is the complete answer.

Listening

‘There is an old saying that God gave us two eyes, two ears but only one mouth so that we could look and listen four times as much as we speak.’ (Parsloe 121)

There are three types of listening:

Peripheral Listening:This is done on a

subconscious level. For example, you may be in a busy restaurant talking to the people you are sitting with, while also picking up snippets of conversation

from another table. Active Listening:This is the type of

listening we should be doing. This involves

really concentrating on not only what is being

said but how and why it is being said.

Apparent Listening:This is the kind of

listening we do most of the time. We look as if we are listening but in fact we are not really

concentrating.

Why is active listening important?

•It will help create good relationships with the people you are listening to.•It means you don’t miss any important information.

Active listening is not easy! We are all guilty for switching off in conversations at some point. It is important that you concentrate on what someone is saying. Don’t try and formulate an answer while another person is speaking. Focus on listening.

How do you actively listen?

ResponseFrom student

InterpretationWhat have you

heard?

Understanding

EvaluationWhat do you do

with this information?

Reaction (Planning)Based on understanding and evaluation you plan

a response

Respond

A process for efficient listening:

• Choose a quiet room or area free from the distraction of other people and noise.

• Arrange seating to avoid physical barriers such as a desk, but don’t sit too close.

• Remove or ignore any other distractions and shut the door if possible.

Stage 1: Carefully Select

the location

• Look interested and maintain eye contact without staring.• Be patient- allow the person time to say all they want to say (within reason).• Always use their first name.• Maintain a relaxed posture.• Be encouraging by leaning forward, nodding, putting your head to one side

and smiling when appropriate.

Stage 2: Create the right

atmosphere

• Make listening noises like ‘Mmm’, ‘Yes’, ‘I see’.• Pause before responding to indicate you are digesting what has been said.• Keep an open mind- do not prejudge or interrupt.• Be sensitive to mood, facial expressions and body movements to

understand the full meaning of what is being said.• Use questioning techniques to seek more information, summarise and

check your understanding.

Stage 3: Practise helpful listening

behaviour

Understanding Body Language

Non-verbal communication can be just as, if not more important than verbal communication. Body language can be a good indicator of people’s emotions about a situation. It can also give you more information than the person is actually verbally communicating.

Being aware of your own body language as well as your students’ body language is important in creating a relaxed atmosphere.

Key Non-verbal signs:

Nervousness can be signalled by downcast eyes, hand over the mouth or frequently touching the face, shifting weight or fidgeting.

Anger or aggression can be signalled by a rigid or tense body posture, staring eyes, clenched fists or clasped hands, tightly folded arms, foot tapping and finger pointing.

A defensive or distrusting attitude can be signalled if someone sits with their crossed leg towards you while a willingness to trust can be signalled if the crossed leg is away from you.

Empathy can be signalled by smiles, open and positive gestures, standing or sitting close, eye contact or nodding and tilting the head.

Boredom can be signalled by picking imaginary fluff from sleeves, pulling at ear, stifled yawning or gazing around the room.

In Western Cultures direct eye contact is seen as positive. Meanwhile, Arabic cultures make prolonged eye contact

because they believe this shows interest and helps them understand the truthfulness of

a person. Whereas in Japan, Africa and parts of Latin America it is viewed as

disrespectful to make direct eye contact.

Islamic cultures generally don’t approve of any

touching between genders whereas

this is more acceptable in the

UK.

Many Mediterranean

cultures exaggerate grief or sadness

while most American men hide

grief or sorrow.

Be aware though! Body language is interpreted differently in different cultures:

Managing Meetings

Hopefully you don’t come up against any problems with your group, but it is handy to know how to deal with a problem if one does arise.

Think about your responses to the following questions:

•What will you do if your group members don’t get on?•What will you do if there is a clash in opinion?•What if one of your group members is very overpowering and doesn’t let anyone else speak?

Intervention and challenging

Protect students from interruptions, laughter and louder voices. Don’t be afraid to step in if a member is being overpowering, disrespectful to another member, or is bullying.

Remember:If you are having problems with your group or you feel uncomfortable, speak to the coordinator.

If your group members are not getting on. Listen to their problem and suggest ways it could be resolved. Try to remain objective and non-judgemental.

If a conversation is getting out of hand, try to take control of it without interrupting, so it moves forward and any differences are settled without conflict- Example: ‘Can we take stock and reflect on what you have said’.

How will you manage your group?Although mentoring is more about facilitating discussion and encouraging development than leading, you should think about how you will manage your sessions/meetings.

•How will you welcome people to your session?•Will you get the students to introduce themselves to each other? If so, how? •How can you make the session feel relaxed, enjoyable ad friendly?•Will you negotiate ground rules for sessions?•Will you use an ‘ice-breaker’?•What will you do if students expect you to teach them? •How will you ensure that individual members communicate with one another?•Will you have anything prepared to discuss in the first session?

From Transition Mentors -UCL

Commitment

• Make sure you make it to your appointments on time and prioritise your students.

• Reply to any emails, texts or phone calls as promptly as possible.

• Try not to agree to doing anything you think you cannot manage. This will lead to disappointing your students which could be damaging to the relationship.

Maintaining ContactPart of your role as a mentor is to make contact with your students regularly to make sure they are OK, and to check whether they need anything.

You should arrange to meet with your students once a week, but if a student does not come to a meeting make sure you contact them via phone or email to follow up with them.

You might be nervous about contacting your students, but they will be more nervous about contacting you! Don’t be afraid to send them a quick text to remind them of a meeting or event, or just to let them know you’re still there if they need you.

Contact DetailsIt is suggested that you provide your students with your contact details (mobile number and email) at your first meeting and make it clear to them they can contact you if they need to.

Don’t give up on anyone. If someone isn’t responding there could be a perfectly viable reason for it. Even if they don’t come to one meeting, invite them to the next.However, if a student is repeatedly not responding/not attending meetings let the Coordinator know.

Your Contact Details Here