melissa nicholson eip

7/30/2019 Melissa Nicholson EIP

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Melissa Nicholson

Instructor: Malcolm Campbell

English 1103

November 8, 2012

Alcoholism Killing Families

I am 27 years old and I had a mother who was an alcoholic for most of

my life. She was a homemaker and my father had and still does work all the time,

so I was always left to "babysit" my mother. I could never have anyone over

because she was always drunk. She would be emotionally, mentally & physically

abusive to me-and I would hide it from everyone because I was too embarrassed

to ever confide in anyone about it. My father thought his marriage was more

important than protecting my brother and I. He left us with her day after day and

year after year and would tell us, "I have to work, please just watch her and

handle it and don't make her flip out or anything" He never told her she had to

stop drinking, he would never let her hit rock bottom, he'd always save her...when

she got a DUI, he paid a lawyer $5,000 to have it dropped to a reckless driving

charge. He was the ultimate Enabler, and if I ever dared to confront him about his

enabling he would threaten to throw me out of the house. Because I always

pointed out the fact my mom was an alcoholic and he was an enabler and we were

dysfunctional, I became the black sheep of the family early on. I was always

called out for minor things, like making a C in history, or coming home 20

minutes late one time, etc. Those things would cause them to flip out on me just to

keep from focusing on my mom's alcoholism. Now at 27, I realize the effects of


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how I was raised started to manifest when I was around 16, but at the time I was

unaware. I started running with a rougher crowd of people, because most of them

too had a messed up parent, so I felt like they understood me. But running with a

rough crowd did nothing but introduce me to drugs, date guys that were jerks (but

all I knew was being hurt & treated bad, so it was normal to be close to people

who were horrible to me...I see that now at 27 looking back.) I do not know what

normal is, I just guess. -Anonymous

In his book titledAlcoholism, Herma Silverstein defines an alcoholic as

someone who suffers from three things: physical problems, such as hand tremors

or black outs; psychological problems like an obsessive desire to drink; and

behavioral problems that disrupt social or work life (Silverstein).

Alcohol has many long term effects on an alcoholics body. Many

alcoholics suffer from Alcoholic Liver Disease (ALD.) This disease is a term

which covers many different health conditions such as hypoglycemia; which is

low blood sugar. Another health condition is hyperuricema also known as arthritis

or gout. Fatty liver is yet another side effect which can lead to alcoholic hepatitis

or cirrhosis. The final health condition which falls under the title of ALD is

hyperlipemia which is the buildup of fats sent to the bloodstream. An alcoholics

blood is also under attack by the alcohol. Prolonged exposure to alcohol can result

in the breaking of capillaries and blood vessels. This breakage can lead to

hemorrhage and oftentimes even death. Some alcoholics have diabetes because

alcohol causes the pancreas to produce insulin and eventually their body stops

producing insulin entirely(K Mariah).


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Many people say that alcoholism is genetic. Jane Collingwood wrote an

article in which she cited a study done by Dr. Boris Tabakoff and his team at the

University of Colorado- Denver. This study used humans and rats to view

different genetic pathways that affected alcohol drinking behavior. During their

research the team discovered that drinking behavior is linked to pleasure and

reward pathways in the brain. The findings of this study, however, show that

genetic factors that contribute to alcohol dependence and alcohol consumption are

distinct genes (Collingwood).

According to Dr. Francesca Ducci with the National Institute on Alcohol

Abuse and Alcoholism, the exact gene which causes alcohol dependence has yet

to be discovered, however there is a strong correlation between alcohol

dependence and people who have alcoholism as a trait in their families. They

stated, Although the genetic bases of alcoholism remain largely unknown, there

are reasons to think that more genes will be discovered in the future. Multiple and

complementary approaches will be required to piece together the mosaic of

causation (Ducci).

In my own family, I have watched as alcoholism has been passed down

from generation to generation. No, they may not have found the exact gene which

causes alcohol dependence but I can speak from experience and almost assure you

that it is a genetic trait. Every male on my dads side of the family has passed

away from something related to alcoholism. My grandfather and all of his

brothers died from alcoholism. My father, much like his father is also killing

himself with alcohol.


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Families are affected differently by alcoholism; if the mother is an

alcoholic her children can be affected even as young as a fetus. When a child is

still in the womb, the amount of alcohol that the mother consumes is also

transported into the babies blood stream. This results in a disease known as Fetal

Alcohol Syndrome. Medical Dr. William C. Shiel Jr. stated that each year in

American, between 5,000 and 12000 babies are diagnosed with FAS. FAS is the

most common cause of mental retardation at birth (Shiel).

Not only are children effected in the womb, but growing up in an alcoholic

home has a lot of negative effects on children throughout their childhood and on

into their adult years. Statistics show that children who are raised in alcoholic

homes have a higher chance of becoming an alcoholic adult, or displaying harsh

and aggressive actions to those around them. An article on the livestrongwebsite

by Audreau Walding brought up an interesting point that children who are raised

in alcoholic homes often do not know what role they are playing in the family.

A lot of children are forced to take on a more adult role because their parents are

intoxicated all of the time. Children learn to fix their parents mistakes (Walding).

Physically, children who are raised in an alcoholic home have much

higher chances of suffering from anxiety disorders and even depression. Without

the love and compassion that a normal family life has to offer, children of

alcoholics often lose the sense of what normality is. As the children grow up,

often times, they have issues with trusting the people around them. When the

children could not even trust their own parents; how would society expect them to

be able to trust strangers? A lot of children suffer from low self esteem; growing


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up in a home where they do not have the love and support from family members

children tend to find themselves simply unable to be loved. The children are more

likely to be loners; either they simply cannot find someone who they can trust or

they are simply just too embarrassed by their parents actions to have anyone get

to close to them (Kropenske).

Arguments and violence are very common in alcoholic households.

Alcoholism tends to cause someone to be very angry and they tend to lash out at

those who actually care about them. Children come to fear their parents, when in

reality their parents should be the people that they always know that they can

come to and trust. Parents may care a lot about their children however their

addiction outweighs everything in their lives. Many parents who have an

addiction spend their money on it instead of supporting their children and the

needs that they have (Kropenske).

Children are not the only people who are put into stressful situations in an

alcoholic household. Alcoholism is generally referred to as a family disease,

because it does not just harm the person who is sick, but it harms the entire

family. Marriages in which there is an alcoholic spouse often result in divorce.

However in the instances when the marriage does stay together, the two people

are almost never happy with the situation. If a woman chooses to stay married to

an alcoholic she often times finds herself suffering from mental disorders such as

depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder because maintaining an alcoholic home puts

a lot of stress on the spouse who is not an alcoholic. Some people choose to keep

a family together because they simply think that it would be better for the


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children. This is not the case. Speaking from my own experiences, trying to hold a

family together just so your children think that they can have a sense of

normality is only going to harm them in the long run(Kropenske).

How do the spouses try to keep their families together? In some cases they

will fight to keep their alcoholic spouse from losing their job, by a task as simple

as calling their office and making up some excuse as to why they will not be at

work, although they are simply just to intoxicated to go in that day. An article

written by Buddy T. entitled Games Alcoholic Families Play states some of the

roles that members of an alcoholic family tend to fall in to. First you have the

rescuer; the rescuer is someone who goes behind the alcoholic when they are

intoxicated and takes care of them. Some examples of the role the rescuer plays

would be making sure they get in the house, and they get to bed after a long night

of drinking. The next role is the provoker; the provoker gets angry at the

alcoholic. They scream, and fuss, and push the alcoholic into drinking more by

simply being angry at them for their actions. The martyr, is the role in which the

family member is always hurt by the alcoholic, they are ashamed and make sure

that they know. This person is generally more likely to fall into some sort of

depression. Out of these three roles, each one of them plays an important part in

enabling an alcoholic(Buddy T).

I interviewed my mom who was married to an alcoholic for twenty-one

years about the effects that it had on her life. She gave me an interesting view on

the subject at hand. When I asked her why she stayed married to him for so long,

she said it was because of her children that she wanted her to children to be


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provided for. I also questioned her as to how she felt that over the years she had

enabled him. She responded to my question by saying that she used to drive him

around when he was drunk and she would keep him away from other members of

the family. She kept him away because to him, it was important that his family

never know how much of a stronghold alcohol had over him. Many women are

like my mom, they try to cover up for their husbands but only end up pushing

themselves deeper into depression. Due to the stress of being married to my

father, my mother has suffered with depression and anxiety for many years. I

asked her if she had one thing to say about people who live with alcoholic family

members what would it be, she said It affects everyone in the family, it runs

everyones life, and it hurts everyone. So, truly she also believes that alcohol is

indeed a family disease (Nicholson).

Alcoholism is something that affects a lot of families in America. I have

personally spoken with some representatives from Al-Anon, a help service for the

families of alcoholics. There is another group also sponsored by Al-Anon, which

is entitled Ala-Teen; this group meets specifically for teenagers who have been

raised in an alcoholic home and helps to teach them how to cope with the

struggles that they face on an everyday basis. The first thing to be understood

about trying to help someone who suffers from alcoholism is that you cannot

make them change. The only way that someone is going to try and change is if

they want to change. The only thing that you can do if you are in an alcoholic

situation is understand that you are loved, and no matter what things WILL get


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better. You need to go to the groups, and allow them to help you cope with

everything. Just remember, it is not your fault they are an alcoholic.


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Works Cited

Anonymous. I wasnt good enough for my mom to live for.Experience Project.

2012. Web. 05 Dec. 2012

Collingwood, Jane. Alcohol Consuption and GeneticsPsych Central2010. Web. 05

Dec. 2012

Ducci, F Genetic Approaches to Addiction: genes and alcohol.Addiction.

103(2008): 1414-28 Print.

Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Web MD. 1999. Web. 05 Dec. 2012

Nicholson, Sherri. Personal Interview. 05 Dec. 2012

K, Mariah. Alcohol Side Effects.Buzzle. 2012. Web. 05 Dec. 2012

Kropenske, V. Protecting children in Substance-Abusing Families. US Dept of

Health and Human Services. 1994. Web. 05 Dec. 2012.

Silverstein, Herma.AlcoholismNew York. Franklin Watts (September 1990) Print.

T. Buddy. Games Alcoholic Families Play. 2009. Web. 05 Dec, 2012

Walding, Audreau Effects of Alcoholism on a child.Livestrong. 2010. Web. 05

Dec, 2012

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