Megamind: The Button of Doom As-Broadcast Script MEGAMIND: Citizens of Metrocity, long have I waited to give you your just desserts. Prepare to face the unbridled wrath of... my fantastic bargains! Welcome, welcome, citizens of Metrocity, to the evil lair yard sale. As you know, this is my first day as defender of Metrocity, and now that I'm no longer evil, I no longer need things that do evil. BOY: A terror teddy. Awesome! MEGAMIND: Excellent choice. Now, let the browsing commence. Minion! We're going to need more petty cash. Um... What's behind there, Minion? MINION: Hmm? Nothing. MEGAMIND: Aha! I knew it. MINION: Please, please, please. Can't we just keep the spiderbot? MEGAMIND: Minion, heroes don't drive around in creepy "spee-iderbots." MINION: See? Now you've hurt its feelings. Spiderbot, come here. CONCERNED MOTHER: Damien! We do not play with laser guns. DAMIEN: Come on, Mom. CONCERNED MOTHER: Put it back this instant. MEGAMIND: Madam, he's merely expressing himself. Besides, it's not a laser gun. It's a dehydration... DAMIEN: Oops.

MEGAMIND: ...gun. Uh... j-just soak her in some water. Not the toilet-- she'll be fine. DAMIEN: That is so cool. MEGAMIND: Yes, uh... free donuts with every billion-dollar purchase! MINION: Piece of junk? This satellite death ray goes up to 900 million volts. And has its own GPS. MEGAMIND: Let me handle this, Minion. For insurance purposes, I have to tell you to only use it for barbecuing. Not for evil. MAN: I don't like barbecues. MEGAMIND: I don't like barbecues. Shall we start the bidding? Bootwheel of death... sold to the soccer mom. SOCCER MOM: Yes! MEGAMIND: Can I get seven for the flamethrower? Sold to the chef. Excellent for crème brûlée. Do I hear ten bucks for the disguise generator? Sold to the women with the beautiful moustache. Sold to you, sir. Sold, sold, sold! Sold! Fantastic. The place is already looking less evil. MINION: Sir, now that we've gotten rid of all your evil things, how are we going to protect Metro City? MEGAMIND: Way ahead of you, Minion. MINION: What are you wearing? MEGAMIND: My new super-secret superhero super suit. I designed it myself to copy all of Metro Man's powers. Super boots. Super strength. And super X-ray, slash, laser vision. MINION: Um... yeah, I'm not sure if it's really... you.

MEGAMIND: Au contraire, Filet Minion. This is perfect for when we go on our first patrol of the city. What's that? MINION: It's the only thing I couldn't sell. Other than the death ray. Just a box with a button on it. I don't even remember what it does. MEGAMIND: But it must do something. Maybe it opens the "gir-age" door. Oh! Whoops. MINION: Oh, dear. MEGAMIND HOLOGRAM: Greetings, hero. You've just unleashed an unspeakable evil upon Metrocity. And you're really, really not going to like it. MEGAMIND: Where did it go? MINION: I don't know. MEGAMIND HOLOGRAM: Unspeakable evil, activated. MINION: Sir, what was the unspeakable evil? MEGAMIND: I've had a lot of evil plans over the years. MINION: Oh, you forgot. MEGAMIND: You should've catalogued them so I wouldn't have to remember. MINION: What?! MEGAMIND: This is actually your fault. MINION:

My fault? How is this my fault? MEGAMIND: I'm thinking. It could be anything. MINION: Remember the forget me bomb? MEGAMIND: Yes... no. What about the encyclopedia bombica? MINION: Oh, Rock'em, Sock'em kittens. MEGAMIND: Oh, they were as cute as they were deadly. MINION: The destructosaur. MEGAMIND: Wait, something beginning with "M." MINION: Oh, "M"-- that really narrows it down. Um...? MEGAMIND: Don't move. I think I remembered what it is. It's my favorite! It's the Mega Megamind. MEGA MEGAMIND: Oh, no. MEGAMIND: I transferred my evil personality into a giant "ra-bot." Man, I do good work. MINION: Really terrific stuff, but we should probably turn it off. MEGA MEGAMIND: White suit, white cape. If it isn't my old friend Metro Man. MINION: He thinks you're Metro Man. MEGAMIND: Well, I am defender of Metrocity now. This is the perfect time for me to debut my super suit.

MINION: Uh... MEGAMIND: Activate super strength! MEGA MEGAMIND: Whoa. Gross, I just stepped in a pile of hero. MEGAMIND: Activate super boots. Aah! MINION: Sir! MEGA MEGAMIND: ¡Olé! MEGAMIND: Right, I forgot about that. No! Time-out! Uh, oh, no. Activate super laser vision. Ow! MINION: Wha...? Where is he? Oh. Sir? Sir, are you in the invisible car? MEGAMIND: No. MEGA MEGAMIND: Are you a chicken? MINION: Huh? MEGAMIND: Get in. MINION: Oh! MEGAMIND: Oh, we're in trouble, Minion. I programmed it to never stop until it eliminated the hero. MINION: Ew. Ugh.

MEGAMIND: It's out there, searching for me. MEGA MEGAMIND: Where are you, hero? MEGAMIND: Oh! MINION: Is it searching for me, too? MEGA MEGAMIND: And your mysterious friend, who's dressed up as Minion for some reason? MEGAMIND: But don't worry, we can live in here from now on. The brainbots can bring us snacks. MINION: Sir, that is crazy. We're gonna have to face this thing eventually. MEGAMIND: Did you miss what happened out there? The new me is an utter failure. MINION: Well... it's clear you're no Metro Man. MEGAMIND: I know I'm not Metro Man. MINION: I just mean... maybe you should stop trying to be him, and just be you. MEGAMIND: Really? Is that possible? B-But I sold all my evil stuff. MINION: Well... not everything. MEGAMIND: Ah! "Spee-iderbots." I don't understand. I thought everything was gone. MINION: I just couldn't part with our spiderbot, sir. I-I was thinking maybe we could still use him to patrol... heroically.

MEGAMIND: Minion, you sentimental simian, you! MINION: Oh... MEGAMIND: Hmm. Now I just need a plan. MINION: Hmm... MEGAMIND: Wait a minute! Ah! Boingo! MINION: I think you mean "bingo," sir. MEGAMIND: That's what I said. Boingo! MEGA MEGAMIND: Anyone home? Come out so I can squish you. MEGAMIND: Hey, Betamax! MEGA MEGAMIND: Ready for round two, hero? MEGAMIND: Yoo-hoo! Are you in the mood for a slice of hero pie? MEGA MEGAMIND: Only if it comes à la explode! MEGAMIND: Whoo! MEGA MEGAMIND: Where'd you go? MEGAMIND: Do you feel the taunting power of my eyebrow? MEGA MEGAMIND:

How dare you brow me? MEGAMIND: Ho-ho, yes! Whoa-ho! Whoa! Missed again! That's right, metal face. Follow me to your doom. Okay, Minion! Ready the death ray! MINION: Yes, sir! MEGAMIND: Prepare to meet your maker... me. MEGA MEGAMIND: Say bye-bye, Metro Man. MEGAMIND: Fire, Minion! Minion, fire. MINION: Slight problem here, sir. MEGAMIND: Slight problem? How slight? MINION: Uh, your super suit smashed the death ray controls. MEGA MEGAMIND: What the...? Impossible! MEGAMIND: Minion! Find the remote. MINION: Oh, right! You know, we should really mark these. Do you remember what it looked like? MEGAMIND: No, I don't remember what it looked like. Try the... MINION: Well, it's not that one. MEGAMIND: Minion, turn it off! MEGA MEGAMIND:

Aha! Peekaboo! MEGAMIND: Ah... ah! MEGA MEGAMIND: You can crawl, but you can't hide. MINION: What about this one? No. No. Ew. MEGA MEGAMIND: Talk about a crushing defeat. MEGAMIND: The old evil me is so annoying. MEGA MEGAMIND: Ow! MEGAMIND: Hurry, Minion! Whoa! I can't keep this up! Minion! What are you doing? MINION: Aha! I've got it, sir! MEGAMIND: Okay, Minion. On my Marco. MEGA MEGAMIND: I hate "spee-iders." MEGAMIND: Marco! MINION: Polo! MEGA MEGAMIND: Oh, no! MEGAMIND: Good-bye, old me. MINION: We did it! We did it!

MEGAMIND: Yes, we did, Minion. Now, let's go get the rest of our evil stuff back. BOY 2: No more school! BOY 3: We're free! GIRL: No parents! Freedom! BOY 4: Booger! DAMIEN: With our parents dehydrated, we can rule Metro City! CHILDREN: Yay! DAMIEN: Yes! MEGAMIND: Not today, or any other day, my sugar-fueled friend. DAMIEN: Oh, my goodness. MINION: I'll take that, thank you very much. MEGAMIND: I'd normally cart your heinies downtown, but I have a feeling your parents will offer you a far more severe punishment. A glass of water, Minion, if you please. CHILDREN: No... MINION: Well, sir, the weapons of justice are back where they belong. MEGAMIND: Let's just hope the city is ready for me.

MINION: I'd say it is, sir. MEGAMIND: Look! They made me my own signal. MINION: Us. They made us our own signal. MEGAMIND: Oh! Pull yourself together, Minion. Now, make a note. It needs to be a lot bigger. MINION: Yes, sir. MEGAMIND: Let's go patrol. Heroically. MINION: Yay! MEGAMIND: Yay! MINION: Ow, ow, ow. MEGAMIND: Whoa! Oh, what fun!