mcguffys news prescott vol 5 issue 15

Tina’s Golden CombHair Salon & Day SpaW

alk-in

s

Welc

ome

145 King St WestBrockville ON

613-345-3383

All College Students5% o� products & services

High School - Guys $15 Gals $19.75Wash/Cut/Blow Dry

Products & ServicesBeer Pedicures for MenYoung Living Essential OilRacquel Welch WigsSunless TanningKevin Murphy Products

“where the customer walks all over them”Flooring Sales ● Professional Installation ● Complete Home Restoration

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Plumbing, Heating & Water Services Inc.

3526 County RD 26, Prescott, ONT.

Call the plumbing & water experts today!

PORTABLE RENTAL SIGNS· FLEET TRUCKS· PAINT PROTECTION· HEAVY EQUIPMENT· SOLVENT PRINTING· VEHICLE STRIPES· REAL ESTATE SIGNS· ILLUMINATED SIGNS

PROFESSIONAL [email protected] FAX: 613-925-1556

SPECIALIZING IN: VEHICLE WRAPS

C-Way TowingUnlocksBoosts

Tire ChangeFuel Delivery

613-498-7436 ~ 613-802-0287www.cwaytowing.com

Single vision eyewearlenses & frames $129.00

or1 year supply $199.00Acuve advance plus

(free trial fitting included)

After fifty years of good morning and good night kisses...

248 Park St., W., Prescott613-925-3784

www.chartwellreit.ca

MAYFIELDRETIREMENT RESIDENCE

It’s nice to know that things don’t change

in a Chartwell retirement residence

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303 Edward St., Prescott, ONT613-925-2410 (Fax)

613-925-1591

613 - 498 - 23954014 Hwy 29, Brockville, ON

(Just north of Tincap’s only tra�c light)

Open: Mon - Fri 9am - 5pm Sat 9am - 1pm

Gift Certi�catesMake Great

Gifts!

(Red or White)$89.99*30 Bottles of House Wine

(see store for details)

Experience the joy of wine making! Wine created by you!

Christie Aluminum Products

Custom windows that are a perfect �t!An air tight investment!High quality, energy e�cient vinyl windows and doors!

900 Industrial Rd, Prescott Ontario613-925-5374 (cell) 613-802-2874

Al Stuart2924 North Edward St., Prescott, ON.

613-925-3147 613-349-9352 (cell)

Heating & Cooling Systemssince 1904 In-home

Consultations

Gas furn

aces,

�replaces,

heat pumps a

nd

custo

m ductwork

Call us today

for your

furnace maintenance!

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StuartHeating & CoolingPete’s Music Exchange

Sales - Rentals - Repairs

MUSIC LESSONS

DRUMS-GUITAR-BASS-PIANO-VOCAL

23 Perth StBrockville, ON613-498-3453

Don’t

Go On Stage

Wi thout Us!

Your Local WEEKLY McGuffy’s EditionTo Advertise Contact Your Advertising Specialist

Jon: 613 342 [email protected]

Head Office: 306-446-2710 www.mcguffysnews.com

McGuffy's Business and Career Opportunities Across Canada! [email protected], OnYour Princecraft Mercury Argo Dealer

613-925-5560

Great Spring Prices On New Fishing Boats & Pontoons

VOL.

5

Issu

e 15 Prescott

Leeds & Grenvillewww.mcguffysnewsprescott.ca

Illness Of A Friend

Fish Story A man was being audited. The agent took a look at his paperwork and asked, “How have you been able to buy such a luxurious villa when your income is so low?”

“Last summer I caught a golden fish. When I took it off the hook, it said, ‘I am a magical fish. Throw me back and you can have anything you wish for.’ So I unhooked him, wished for a beautiful villa, and threw him back.”, answered the taxpayer.

“Now wait a minute,” said the auditor. “How can you prove this crazy story?”

“Well, you can see the villa, can’t you?” replied the taxpayer.

Sam and Jim met, for Jim was about to give Sam grave news: the illness of a friend named Matthew.

“Poor Matthew Smith! I’m afraid he’s goin’ to die.”“Sure, an’ why would he be dyin’?” asked the other. “He has gotten so thin. You’re thin enough, and I’m thin but by my

goodness, Matthew Smith is thinner than both of us put together.”

Empowering Thoughts

Don't You Hate...that awkward moment when you’re walking down a long hallway and someone you know is approaching from the other end?

What can you do after the initial wave? You can’t really yell all the way down at them, and it’s kind of creepy to just smile the whole time until they get close enough for a conversation.

Time to pretend-check your cell phone or tie your shoe.

The real act of marriage takes place in the heart, not in the ballroom or church or synagogue. It’s a choice you make - not just on your wedding day, but over and over again - and that choice is reflected in the way you treat your husband or wife. ~ Barbara De Angelis

Married couples who love each other tell each other a thousand things without talking. ~ Chinese Proverb

A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ come together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences. ~ Dave Meurer

Marriage. It’s like a cultural hand-rail. It links folks to the past and guides them to the future. ~ Diane Frolov & Andrew Schneider

Answer:

Guess The SloganFamous advertising slogans. See if you remember.

Betcha can’t eat just one. Lay’s Potato Chips

McGuffy's News Website Launch!!Attention Readers! Now even more fun for you/your friends and family. McGuffy’s News has

now launched our websites in Brockville and Prescott. You can go to www.mcguffysnewsbrockville.ca or www.mcguffysnewsprescott.ca and view our virtual paper and also check our JOKE OF THE DAY! (you can even submit a joke-clean of course!) or see our VIDEO OF THE WEEK! or CHECK OUT THE MOST COMPREHENSIVE COMMUNITY EVENTS CALENDAR IN THE AREA (you can submit events for non-profit groups ie schools/orga-nizations etc) and also view our COMMUNITY PHOTO GALLERY (You can send in your own pictures of events/pets/cars/boats/children/awards/school/funny photo’s/ garden/fishing/ etc. Anything you want to send to share with readers/and the community. We will also have Sudoku and Cross-words you can play, on-line games and a lot more!!!!

Check it out today and share with friends and family that McGuffy’s News is now on-line in your area!!!

Stump Grinding Free EstimatesTree Removal Fully Insured

Maple Heights Tree ServiceServing the Seaway and Ottawa Valley Professional...Yet Affordable

1-877-MAPLE-10(1-877-627-5310)[email protected]

DOUG CHAPMAN – PRESIDENT

“Advice You Can Bank On”

Patricia JohnstonBranch ManagerPrescott and SpencervilleRBC Royal Bank

302 King Street WestPrescott, Ontario

613-925-52651-800-769-2511

[email protected]

Helping You Is What We Do!

MACKAYSales Representative

HeatherBus: 613.925.0505

Fax: 613.925.0527Toll Free: 1.866.487.0077

[email protected] King Street, Prescott, ON.

Pick up McGuffy’s News every week!!

At over 85 locations inPrescott/Cardinal/Spencerville/Johnstown & Maitland

555 King St.,W, Prescott,On 613-918-0558 613-918-0608

Priyanka Saini RPT, (BSPT)

Moving You to Better Health• Orthotic (Gait Scan) • Hydrotherapy • Accupuncture • Graston Technique ® • Manual Therapy • Laser Therapy

CASH FOR SCRAP CARS FARM MACHINERY, ETC.

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613-341-1195 www.bonlenplace.com

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Renting

BonLen Place o�ers an independent Yet active adult lifestyle combining the advantages of serene country setting with nearby shopping, medical care & entertainment.Features & Benefits

Independent Carefree Retirement Living

Stunning 1 & 2 bdrm suites • Stainless steel appliances • Rich cherry cabinetry • Safety walk-in tubs • Small pets welcome • Protected by security entrance• All heat & hydro included • High speed internet available • Social activities & occasional group meals • All windows with blinds • Free laundry facilities with energy efficient appliances• Community room protected by power generator in case of power loss And much more!

VISIT

OU

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EW W

EBSITE W

WW

.MC

GU

FFYSNEW

SPRESC

OT

T.CA

!

Silly

Q

uote

Last Recital

Worth Keeping?

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door. ~ Milton Berle (1908 - 2002)

Marveling At The Moon

The footprints made by astronauts walking on the moon will not erode or blow away, as there is no wind or water on the moon.

Astronaut Neil Armstrong first stepped on the moon with his left foot.

What should you keep after you give it away? Your word!

My brother is a terrible musician. The other day he asked my sister if she had heard his last recital.

She replied: "I certainly hope so".

The Wolves Within (repeated by popular request)

Strange Music Notes

Bumper Sticker Humor

• Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.

• Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee.

• I believe we should all pay our taxes with a smile. I tried, but they wanted cash.

• Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

• Those who can’t laugh at themselves leave the job to others

A young boy clung tightly to his grandfather, Wolf Dreamer, as he fought back the tears. Piece by piece the story came out: a cruel classmate – unkind words – an injustice done – anger – and desire for revenge.

Wolf Dreamer said, “Grandson, let me tell you a story. I too have felt a great hate for those that would take, having no regard for those they hurt, having no sorrow for what they do. But hate is a thing that wears you down and does not hurt your enemy. It is like swallowing poison and all the while wishing your enemy will die.

These feelings have warred within me many times. They have crept into my mind and my thoughts and my heart. I have struggled with them for most of my 80 years.

It is if there are two wolves inside me. The first one is good and does no harm. He is powerful and strong. He stands for freedom and independence, living in harmony with all around him. This first wolf does not take offense when no offense was intended. He will only fight when it is right to do so and he will only fight in the right way. But the other wolf, the second one is angry. He is wounded and in pain. That pain and anger drives him to lash out at those who cross his path. Because he is filled with anger, the littlest thing will cause him to lose his temper. He fights with everyone, all the time, for no reason. He cannot think because his pain and anger and hate are so great.”

“It is hard to live with these two wolves inside my spirit,” he said, “they constantly fight and battle to see which one will dominate my spirit.”

The boy listened silently, looked intently into Wolf Dreamer’s eyes.“Grandfather,” he asked. “Which one wins?”Wolf Dreamer solemnly replied, “The one I feed.”

• In 1909 British King Edward VII made a royal band wait so long for him to get dressed that they had to play the national anthem 17 times!

• The only member of ZZ Top not to have a silly long beard was called Frank Beard.

• Despite being the richest country in the world, Monaco has more people in its orchestra than its army!

Second BeginningsChildren’s and Maternity Consignment Store

190 King St. W. Brockville 613-498-1566

ToysChildren’s ClothesMaternity WearSpring JacketsRubber Boots

Children’sDresses

Baby ClothesSplash Pants

Soccer Cleats Tuesday-Friday 10am-5pm Saturday 10am-4pm

Bring In This Ad & Receive $2.00 O� (With Minimum Purchase Of $10) O�er Expires April 26, 2012C O U P O N

Advertise YourNon-Pro�t Community Event

in McGu�y’s News!

+ HST00

Word Ads Starting at$15.(50 Words or Less)

Call Jon613-342-0428Today!

jon@mcgu�ysnews.com

Qui

ck

Joke Q: Why are people always tired in April?

A: Because they just finished a march.

What Am I?

I am cracked, can be made, told or played. What am I? Answer: A joke

Caring for Your HouseplantsHouseplants add serenity and beauty to your home.

plus the added benefit of cleaner, healthier air. With a little luck, and these tips, growing healthy and hearty houseplants can be easy.

Place your plants in the sunniest parts of your home, especially in winter, or use artificial lighting that mimics sunlight. Keep plants away from extremes of hot or cold, such as drafty windows, fireplaces, or heater vents.

Although houseplants need plenty of moisture, too much water in the soil itself is harmful to their root systems. Do not water every day. Plants prefer to dry out between waterings, going days or even weeks, to the next watering. Provide proper drainage as well.

Clean plants absorb air more easily. Dust your houseplants regularly or clean them with lukewarm water, both on top of and underneath the leaves.

Johnstown Area OfficeTICO Certified* www.handatravel.com

HANDA TRAVEL15 Days

Auto & Museums TourMAY 20 - JUNE 3/12

GERMANY

*Escorted Group Sightseeing Tours from Ottawa !

For information: Wolfgang – 613-657-4535

16 DaysOktoberfest Tour

SEPT 17– OCT 2/12

RHINOGLASS

Your local Auto, Commercial & Home Glass Specialists

Auto Detailing Rhino Linings Spray

Auto Accessories

FREEESTIMATES

303 Edward St. Prescott, ON. 613-925-1941We Install What We Sell!

COMPETITION ROOFINGAND RENOVATIONS

“Over 20 years experience”Neil Black

Owner 613-348-3993New Installation or Re-shingle

General Repairs and RenovationsSatisfaction Guaranteed - Fully Insured

PO Box 94 Maitland, Ontario. K0E 1P0

Computer Repairing ServicesBuild A New ComputerOr Buy A Used Or Refurbished

PC Support Specialist Technician

http://www.pcin-house.com

Call:Gabriel DeRapp

925-1925

I COME TO YOU

HWY 29 Auto Service#3012 Hwy 29, Brockville, On613-342-5249

Exhaust Brakes/BearingsStruts Transmission Service

Early Spring Special!Save 25% OFF

We Help Keep Car Repairs Affordable!

SAM’S BRASS RACKSSAM’S BRASS RACKSLive Entertainment ~ Billiards ~ Darts ~ Shu�eboard

Big Screen ~ NHL Package ~ NFL ~ Nascar Sundays

AGE

OF

MAJORITY

Monday’s - Pool League 7pmThurdays - Karaoke

Fridays - Live Entertainment 8pm - 12pm

24 Perth St, Brockville, ON (613)498 1919

Sam’s April & May Line-Up:

May 4 Real DealMay 11 BacklashMay 12 Blues Daddy 3-7pm

May 18 The Journey Men

April 13 BacklashApril 14 Gypsy Moon 3-7pm

April 20 Jack Daniels BandApril 27 - Little CaliforniaApril 28 - Gypsy Moon

3-7pm

April 21 Annual Ice Breaker 8 Ball Charity Tournament $20 entry fee sign up at bar ( all day)

Cheap Flight

Qui

ck

Rid

dle What do you call it when a rabbit has an

accident with a knife? ~ A hare cut.

Wacky Warning LabelsEvery year, the Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch (M-LAW) organization

holds a contest to find the wackiest warning labels on products, intended to highlight the potential for frivolous lawsuits. In recent years, companies have been coming up with more and more warnings on their products in the hopes of protecting themselves from lawsuits by consumers who have used their products in ridiculous ways. Since 1997, they've been collecting submissions for their Wacky Warning Label Contest, with submissions including the funni-est warning labels around. Here is a sampling of some past winners:On a carpenter's electric router: "This product not intended for use as a dental drill."

On a baby stroller: "Remove child before folding."

On a package of sleeping pills: "Warning: may cause drowsiness."

On a public toilet: "Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking."

Have a Cup of JoeTrivia Quiz: Test how much you know about one of the most popular beverages with this trivia quiz.

1. Who is believed to have first brewed coffee?2. Which composer wrote a whole cantata to coffee in 1732? 3. Where was the first prototype of an espresso machine created in 1822?4. What percentage of all the caffeine consumed in the United States comes

from coffee drinking?5. True or False: The typical coffee drinker has 3.4 cups of coffee per day.6. How old must a coffee tree be before it produces its first full crop? 7. How much coffee does a mature coffee tree produce per growing season?8. Which contains more caffeine: espresso or regular coffee?9. Cappuccino is so named because its peaks of foam are the same color as

what?10. True or False: All coffee is grown within one thousand miles of the

Earth’s equator between the Tropics of Cancer and Capricorn.

1. The A

rabs 2. Johann Sebastian Bach 3. France 4. 75 percent 5. True 6. Five years old7. O

ne pound of coffee 8. R

egular coffee contains m

ore caffeine (more caffeine

is lost during longer roast-ing) 9. Th

e robes worn by m

onks of the C

apuchin order 10. True

Answers:

• Each And Every One Of You• All Inclusive

• Elevate Up• Live Audience

Redundant Again

Acr

oss

Dow

n

You know you’ve booked a cheap flight when... • As you board the plane, you notice the co-pilot is frowning and wearing

an “I’m with Stupid” T-Shirt. • The Captain announces over the intercom the Flight is delayed while he

looks for his keys. • The Airline mechanics, wearing propeller beanies, seem to be pointing

and laughing an awful lot, and drinking something from inside brown paper bags.

CRO

SS

WO

RD

Letters "oo"

Bag Of MarblesJeffery has a bag of marbles: 75 aggies and 150 alleys.

He decides to sort them and places the bag on his bed. Beside it is a pile of alleys and a shoebox. To pass the time, he removes two marbles from the bag at random. If at least one of the marbles is an alley, he puts it in the pile and places the other marble, regardless of type, back in the bag. If both marbles are aggies he puts both marbles in the shoebox and takes one alley from the pile and puts it back in the bag. Eventually, only one marble is left in the bag.

What kind is it?Starting with an odd number, Jeffery removes 2

marbles at a time. Eventually there is only 1 aggie and 1 alley left. The alley is placed in the pile and the aggie is returned to the bag leaving the last marble an aggie.

Qui

ck

Quo

te There is a defining moment in every person’s life and within it, everything that that person is, shines its brightest. ~ Unknown

Funny Bunny

Q: What’s the difference between a bunny and a lumberjack? A: One chews and hops, the other hews and chops.

Q. What do you call rabbits that live at the North Pole? A. Cold.

Q. What do rabbits have that nothing else in the world has? A. Baby rabbits.

Q. How do you know when you’re eating rabbit stew? A. When it has hares in it.

Q: What did the rabbit say to the carrot? A: It’s been nice gnawing you.

Sudoku Solution Crossword Solution

WATTS’ SMALL ENGINESOutdoor Power Equipment Specialists

613 - 658 - 204810 Spencer St, Spencerville, ON

We Service

What We Sell!

Sale & Service Repairs to Chainsaws

We

Sharpen

Chainsaws

& Mower BladesBring In Your Riding Lawn Mower

For Early Spring Tune Up

109 Churchill RD Prescott, ON 613 - 925 - 1734

“The Dollar Store with a Difference”OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK!

Cards - Gifts - Party Time - Toys -Crafts Scrapbooking Supplies - Used BooksGifts

ByChris

- Custom Gift Baskets- Candles- Home Decor Catalogue Sales Merchant

HELPING PEOPLE BECOMEFINANCIALLY INDEPENDENT.

Daniel G RoddickFinancial Advisor111 King ST WPrescott, ONK0E 1T0613-925-0779 www.edwardjones.com

Member - Canadian Investor Protection Fund

North Grenville E.R.C.125 Prescott Street

Kemptville, ON K0G1J0613-258-6576 or 1-800-214-7066

South Grenville E.R.C.191 King Street EastPrescott, ON K0E 1T0

613-925-0222 or 1-800-925-0222

FREE EMPLOYMENT SERVICES AVAILABLE IN GRENVILLE COUNTY

www.cseconsulting.com

North Grenville E.R.C. 125 Prescott Street

Kemptville, ON K0G 1J0 613-258-6576 or 1-800-214-7066

www.cseconsul�ng.com

FREE EMPLOYMENT SERVICES AVAILABLE IN GRENVILLE COUNTY

South Grenville E.R.C. 191 King St East

Prescott, ON K0E 1T0 613-925-0222 or 1-800-925-0222

613-345-2110Brad Sharron, DD65 George St.Brockville, ON Excellent Service for over 14 Years!

Dentures made on site = Time+Cost E�ectiveMaximum bene�ts from the most advanced denture technology

“Smile WITH CONFIDENCE!”

• Complete - partial dentures• Relines • Repairs • Soft Liners• Implant denturesNo Referrals Necessary!

Denture SpecialistCountry Girl Cakes“The Perfect Wedding Day Starts Here”

Miranda Kenney - PellettAward Winning Cake Designer www.countrygirlcakes.org

[email protected]

As Seen On Slice TV’s ‘Cake Walk’

173 Shanly Rd, Cardinal,On613 - 341 - 7074

Call Today About OrderingThe Wedding Cake Of Your DreamsFree Consultations !

Special Offer!

2 For $10 Kleen-Flo

ConcentratedInjector Kleen

395ml #695 (KFL)

Canadian Hearing SocietyFree home or o�ce visits• improve communication

• improve safety in your home• assistive listening devices • hearing aid batteries

Please call us to �nd out more about our programs and servicesPhone 613-498-3933 TTY 1-877-817-8209

Or visit us at 68 William Street, Suite 205 Brockville, Ontario K6V 0A7

2 GOOD 2 B THREW 222 King St. W.Prescott, Ontario

Quality used furniture, collectibles, crafts, antiques, unique, retro...

Something for EveryoneTues- Sat 10am-5pmClosed Sun/Mon(by appointment or chance)

613.803.0100 / 613.340.9942 / [email protected] / [email protected]

~ FIND US ON FACEBOOK ~

Put Your Info

HERE!

Advertisein McGu�y’s

Great Results!613 342 0428


The Shake That Tastes Like A Cake!

613-341-7846 [email protected]

Start Your 90 Day Challenge!

www.overview.visalus.com

ViSalus Independent Distributor

LOSE WEIGHTSAVE MONEY

C - Way Services

Airport ShuttleTel: 613-345-4915

www.cwaylimo.comBrockville • Ontario • Canada

Your Business Should STAND OUT!and it will in your LOCAL McGu�y`s!

Call to place YOUR ad TODAY! 613.342.0428

A Fresh Perspective

John G. Miller Author of ... ‘QBQ! The Question Behind the Question®’, ‘Flipping the Switch ... Unleash the Power of Personal Accountability’, ‘Outstanding! 47 Ways to Make Your Organization Exceptional’,

http://www.qbq.com/ Denver, Colorado, USA 303-286-9900 [email protected]

Ways to Make Your Organization Exceptional#1 - Be a Blame Buster!

I suppose we all have a phrase or two that we can't stand hearing. Here's one for me: There's plenty of blame to go around! Often spoken by some-one in the media, it's a phrase that has become prevalent. Possibly because blame has become popular. Parents blame the schools, churches—and Hol-lywood—for how their kids turn out. Spouses blame each other (sometimes with their attorneys present). Employers blame the employees.

Workers blame management. Voters blame the politicians they elected. Politicians blame ... their predecessors. Coaches and players blame the of-ficials. Manufacturing blames R&D who blames HR who blames Marketing who blames Sales who blames ... the customer! And everyone blames the economy. Why not, it's so easy!

Blame also hurts us at home, not to mention in our communities, church-es, and schools. You see, at the very least, when pointing fingers, we're not using our time, energy and creativity to solve a problem. And all organizations have problems! And since schools, families, nonprofits, government agen-cies, and businesses are all "organizations," there are problems everywhere! Remember this:

Nothing gets fixed when we are fixated on who's at fault. The truth is, outstanding organizations do not "seek culprits." When

there is a Culture of Culprit Catching, we actually create more problems than existed in the first place. If you don't believe me, see costs of blame listed above.

As we say in QBQ!, leaders at all levels (that's you and me!) blame no-body—not even themselves.

That last statement is not a way of escaping blame. Since we all make er-rors, it simply means that if it's me that committed one, I don't have to beat

myself up over it. The right questions to ask are, "What can I learn from this experience?" and "How can I now work to solve the problem?"

Blame-busting questions like these we call them QBQs put me on the path of PERSONAL ACCOUNTABILITY and that path is always the place to walk. And no matter who caused a problem, QBQs always bust the blame.

Our society may constantly send the message that "there's plenty of blame to go around," but we can resist the temptation to do what's popular, trendy—and incredibly immature. (Yes, finger-pointing is an emotionally immature behavior.) Instead, each of us can rise above the urge to blame; each of us can be a Blame Buster. And when that happens, our organiza-tions can be Outstanding!

Application: Begin a dialogue using these questions: 1. How often do we search for culprits when something goes wrong?2. In what way does blame impact the morale within our organization?

What are the consequences?3. How will we benefit when finger-pointing is eliminated?4. What can I do today to bust the blame?

RebusA Rebus is a picture or word representation of a name, work or phrase.

How fast can you guess this one?

Answer:Ba nk Break in the Bank

Spring Has Sprung!Science has never drummed up quite as effective a tranquilizing agent as a sunny spring day. ~ W. Earl Hall

Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush. ~ Doug Larson

Is it so small a thing to have enjoy’d the sun, to have lived light in the spring, to have loved, to have thought, to have done. ~ Matthew Arnold

Johnstown Area OfficeTICO Certified* www.handatravel.com

HANDA TRAVEL15 Days

Auto & Museums TourMAY 20 - JUNE 3/12

GERMANY

*Escorted Group Sightseeing Tours from Ottawa !

For information: Wolfgang – 613-657-4535

16 DaysOktoberfest Tour

SEPT 17– OCT 2/12

RHINOGLASS

Your local Auto, Commercial & Home Glass Specialists

Auto Detailing Rhino Linings Spray

Auto Accessories

FREEESTIMATES

303 Edward St. Prescott, ON. 613-925-1941We Install What We Sell!

COMPETITION ROOFINGAND RENOVATIONS

“Over 20 years experience”Neil Black

Owner 613-348-3993New Installation or Re-shingle

General Repairs and RenovationsSatisfaction Guaranteed - Fully Insured

PO Box 94 Maitland, Ontario. K0E 1P0

Computer Repairing ServicesBuild A New ComputerOr Buy A Used Or Refurbished

PC Support Specialist Technician

http://www.pcin-house.com

Call:Gabriel DeRapp

925-1925

I COME TO YOU

HWY 29 Auto Service#3012 Hwy 29, Brockville, On613-342-5249

Exhaust Brakes/BearingsStruts Transmission Service

Early Spring Special!Save 25% OFF

We Help Keep Car Repairs Affordable!

SAM’S BRASS RACKSSAM’S BRASS RACKSLive Entertainment ~ Billiards ~ Darts ~ Shu�eboard

Big Screen ~ NHL Package ~ NFL ~ Nascar Sundays

AGE

OF

MAJORITY

Monday’s - Pool League 7pmThurdays - Karaoke

Fridays - Live Entertainment 8pm - 12pm

24 Perth St, Brockville, ON (613)498 1919

Sam’s April & May Line-Up:

May 4 Real DealMay 11 BacklashMay 12 Blues Daddy 3-7pm

May 18 The Journey Men

April 13 BacklashApril 14 Gypsy Moon 3-7pm

April 20 Jack Daniels BandApril 27 - Little CaliforniaApril 28 - Gypsy Moon

3-7pm

April 21 Annual Ice Breaker 8 Ball Charity Tournament $20 entry fee sign up at bar ( all day)

Cheap Flight

Qui

ck

Rid

dle What do you call it when a rabbit has an

accident with a knife? ~ A hare cut.

Wacky Warning LabelsEvery year, the Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch (M-LAW) organization

holds a contest to find the wackiest warning labels on products, intended to highlight the potential for frivolous lawsuits. In recent years, companies have been coming up with more and more warnings on their products in the hopes of protecting themselves from lawsuits by consumers who have used their products in ridiculous ways. Since 1997, they've been collecting submissions for their Wacky Warning Label Contest, with submissions including the funni-est warning labels around. Here is a sampling of some past winners:On a carpenter's electric router: "This product not intended for use as a dental drill."

On a baby stroller: "Remove child before folding."

On a package of sleeping pills: "Warning: may cause drowsiness."

On a public toilet: "Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking."

Have a Cup of JoeTrivia Quiz: Test how much you know about one of the most popular beverages with this trivia quiz.

1. Who is believed to have first brewed coffee?2. Which composer wrote a whole cantata to coffee in 1732? 3. Where was the first prototype of an espresso machine created in 1822?4. What percentage of all the caffeine consumed in the United States comes

from coffee drinking?5. True or False: The typical coffee drinker has 3.4 cups of coffee per day.6. How old must a coffee tree be before it produces its first full crop? 7. How much coffee does a mature coffee tree produce per growing season?8. Which contains more caffeine: espresso or regular coffee?9. Cappuccino is so named because its peaks of foam are the same color as

what?10. True or False: All coffee is grown within one thousand miles of the

Earth’s equator between the Tropics of Cancer and Capricorn.

1. The A

rabs 2. Johann Sebastian Bach 3. France 4. 75 percent 5. True 6. Five years old7. O

ne pound of coffee 8. R

egular coffee contains m

ore caffeine (more caffeine

is lost during longer roast-ing) 9. Th

e robes worn by m

onks of the C

apuchin order 10. True

Answers:

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You know you’ve booked a cheap flight when... • As you board the plane, you notice the co-pilot is frowning and wearing

an “I’m with Stupid” T-Shirt. • The Captain announces over the intercom the Flight is delayed while he

looks for his keys. • The Airline mechanics, wearing propeller beanies, seem to be pointing

and laughing an awful lot, and drinking something from inside brown paper bags.

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Bag Of MarblesJeffery has a bag of marbles: 75 aggies and 150 alleys.

He decides to sort them and places the bag on his bed. Beside it is a pile of alleys and a shoebox. To pass the time, he removes two marbles from the bag at random. If at least one of the marbles is an alley, he puts it in the pile and places the other marble, regardless of type, back in the bag. If both marbles are aggies he puts both marbles in the shoebox and takes one alley from the pile and puts it back in the bag. Eventually, only one marble is left in the bag.

What kind is it?Starting with an odd number, Jeffery removes 2

marbles at a time. Eventually there is only 1 aggie and 1 alley left. The alley is placed in the pile and the aggie is returned to the bag leaving the last marble an aggie.

Qui

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Funny Bunny

Q: What’s the difference between a bunny and a lumberjack? A: One chews and hops, the other hews and chops.

Q. What do you call rabbits that live at the North Pole? A. Cold.

Q. What do rabbits have that nothing else in the world has? A. Baby rabbits.

Q. How do you know when you’re eating rabbit stew? A. When it has hares in it.

Q: What did the rabbit say to the carrot? A: It’s been nice gnawing you.

Sudoku Solution Crossword Solution

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Worth Keeping?

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door. ~ Milton Berle (1908 - 2002)

Marveling At The Moon

The footprints made by astronauts walking on the moon will not erode or blow away, as there is no wind or water on the moon.

Astronaut Neil Armstrong first stepped on the moon with his left foot.

What should you keep after you give it away? Your word!

My brother is a terrible musician. The other day he asked my sister if she had heard his last recital.

She replied: "I certainly hope so".

The Wolves Within (repeated by popular request)

Strange Music Notes

Bumper Sticker Humor

• Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.

• Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee.

• I believe we should all pay our taxes with a smile. I tried, but they wanted cash.

• Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

• Those who can’t laugh at themselves leave the job to others

A young boy clung tightly to his grandfather, Wolf Dreamer, as he fought back the tears. Piece by piece the story came out: a cruel classmate – unkind words – an injustice done – anger – and desire for revenge.

Wolf Dreamer said, “Grandson, let me tell you a story. I too have felt a great hate for those that would take, having no regard for those they hurt, having no sorrow for what they do. But hate is a thing that wears you down and does not hurt your enemy. It is like swallowing poison and all the while wishing your enemy will die.

These feelings have warred within me many times. They have crept into my mind and my thoughts and my heart. I have struggled with them for most of my 80 years.

It is if there are two wolves inside me. The first one is good and does no harm. He is powerful and strong. He stands for freedom and independence, living in harmony with all around him. This first wolf does not take offense when no offense was intended. He will only fight when it is right to do so and he will only fight in the right way. But the other wolf, the second one is angry. He is wounded and in pain. That pain and anger drives him to lash out at those who cross his path. Because he is filled with anger, the littlest thing will cause him to lose his temper. He fights with everyone, all the time, for no reason. He cannot think because his pain and anger and hate are so great.”

“It is hard to live with these two wolves inside my spirit,” he said, “they constantly fight and battle to see which one will dominate my spirit.”

The boy listened silently, looked intently into Wolf Dreamer’s eyes.“Grandfather,” he asked. “Which one wins?”Wolf Dreamer solemnly replied, “The one I feed.”

• In 1909 British King Edward VII made a royal band wait so long for him to get dressed that they had to play the national anthem 17 times!

• The only member of ZZ Top not to have a silly long beard was called Frank Beard.

• Despite being the richest country in the world, Monaco has more people in its orchestra than its army!

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Qui

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Joke Q: Why are people always tired in April?

A: Because they just finished a march.

What Am I?

I am cracked, can be made, told or played. What am I? Answer: A joke

Caring for Your HouseplantsHouseplants add serenity and beauty to your home.

plus the added benefit of cleaner, healthier air. With a little luck, and these tips, growing healthy and hearty houseplants can be easy.

Place your plants in the sunniest parts of your home, especially in winter, or use artificial lighting that mimics sunlight. Keep plants away from extremes of hot or cold, such as drafty windows, fireplaces, or heater vents.

Although houseplants need plenty of moisture, too much water in the soil itself is harmful to their root systems. Do not water every day. Plants prefer to dry out between waterings, going days or even weeks, to the next watering. Provide proper drainage as well.

Clean plants absorb air more easily. Dust your houseplants regularly or clean them with lukewarm water, both on top of and underneath the leaves.

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Your Local WEEKLY McGuffy’s EditionTo Advertise Contact Your Advertising Specialist

Jon: 613 342 [email protected]

Head Office: 306-446-2710 www.mcguffysnews.com

McGuffy's Business and Career Opportunities Across Canada! [email protected], OnYour Princecraft Mercury Argo Dealer

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VOL.

5

Issu

e 15 Prescott

Leeds & Grenvillewww.mcguffysnewsprescott.ca

Illness Of A Friend

Fish Story A man was being audited. The agent took a look at his paperwork and asked, “How have you been able to buy such a luxurious villa when your income is so low?”

“Last summer I caught a golden fish. When I took it off the hook, it said, ‘I am a magical fish. Throw me back and you can have anything you wish for.’ So I unhooked him, wished for a beautiful villa, and threw him back.”, answered the taxpayer.

“Now wait a minute,” said the auditor. “How can you prove this crazy story?”

“Well, you can see the villa, can’t you?” replied the taxpayer.

Sam and Jim met, for Jim was about to give Sam grave news: the illness of a friend named Matthew.

“Poor Matthew Smith! I’m afraid he’s goin’ to die.”“Sure, an’ why would he be dyin’?” asked the other. “He has gotten so thin. You’re thin enough, and I’m thin but by my

goodness, Matthew Smith is thinner than both of us put together.”

Empowering Thoughts

Don't You Hate...that awkward moment when you’re walking down a long hallway and someone you know is approaching from the other end?

What can you do after the initial wave? You can’t really yell all the way down at them, and it’s kind of creepy to just smile the whole time until they get close enough for a conversation.

Time to pretend-check your cell phone or tie your shoe.

The real act of marriage takes place in the heart, not in the ballroom or church or synagogue. It’s a choice you make - not just on your wedding day, but over and over again - and that choice is reflected in the way you treat your husband or wife. ~ Barbara De Angelis

Married couples who love each other tell each other a thousand things without talking. ~ Chinese Proverb

A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ come together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences. ~ Dave Meurer

Marriage. It’s like a cultural hand-rail. It links folks to the past and guides them to the future. ~ Diane Frolov & Andrew Schneider

Answer:

Guess The SloganFamous advertising slogans. See if you remember.

Betcha can’t eat just one. Lay’s Potato Chips

McGuffy's News Website Launch!!Attention Readers! Now even more fun for you/your friends and family. McGuffy’s News has

now launched our websites in Brockville and Prescott. You can go to www.mcguffysnewsbrockville.ca or www.mcguffysnewsprescott.ca and view our virtual paper and also check our JOKE OF THE DAY! (you can even submit a joke-clean of course!) or see our VIDEO OF THE WEEK! or CHECK OUT THE MOST COMPREHENSIVE COMMUNITY EVENTS CALENDAR IN THE AREA (you can submit events for non-profit groups ie schools/orga-nizations etc) and also view our COMMUNITY PHOTO GALLERY (You can send in your own pictures of events/pets/cars/boats/children/awards/school/funny photo’s/ garden/fishing/ etc. Anything you want to send to share with readers/and the community. We will also have Sudoku and Cross-words you can play, on-line games and a lot more!!!!

Check it out today and share with friends and family that McGuffy’s News is now on-line in your area!!!

mcguffys news prescott vol 5 issue 15

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