mastering mediation: training mediators in the college...

Mastering Mediation:Mastering Mediation:

Training Mediators in Training Mediators in

the College and the College and

University SettingUniversity Setting

11

University SettingUniversity Setting© 2001 by LRP Publications, Inc.© 2001 by LRP Publications, Inc.

Rick OlshakRick Olshak

Associate Dean of StudentsAssociate Dean of Students

Illinois State UniversityIllinois State University

About this program…About this program…

�� Designed for use with faculty, staff, and Designed for use with faculty, staff, and studentsstudents

�� Designed to be a skills workshop for mastering Designed to be a skills workshop for mastering the basics of mediationthe basics of mediation

�� Designed to strike a balance between lecture Designed to strike a balance between lecture

© LRP Publications, Inc.© LRP Publications, Inc. Image Image 22

�� Designed to strike a balance between lecture Designed to strike a balance between lecture and small group activitiesand small group activities

�� Designed to be complemented with ongoing inDesigned to be complemented with ongoing in--service trainingservice training

�� Examples are studentExamples are student--oriented but apply oriented but apply universallyuniversally

About this program…About this program…�� Presented at:Presented at:

University of Notre DameUniversity of Notre Dame University of TampaUniversity of Tampa

Illinois State UniversityIllinois State University Bowling Green State University (Ohio)Bowling Green State University (Ohio)

Emory UniversityEmory University UniversityUniversity of Delawareof Delaware

Penn State UniversityPenn State University Rutgers UniversityRutgers University

University of ChicagoUniversity of Chicago Cornell College (Iowa)Cornell College (Iowa)

University of ArkansasUniversity of Arkansas Concordia University of WisconsinConcordia University of Wisconsin


University of ArkansasUniversity of Arkansas Concordia University of WisconsinConcordia University of Wisconsin

Tufts UniversityTufts University Middle Tennessee State UniversityMiddle Tennessee State University

Association for Student Judicial Affairs Association for Student Judicial Affairs GehringGehring Institute (10 years)Institute (10 years)

Association for Student Judicial Affairs Circuit IVAssociation for Student Judicial Affairs Circuit IV

Association for Student Judicial Affairs Circuit VIIAssociation for Student Judicial Affairs Circuit VII

Central Illinois Dispute Resolution Services (community program)Central Illinois Dispute Resolution Services (community program)

College Administration Publications, Inc. SeminarCollege Administration Publications, Inc. Seminar

About this program…About this program…

�� Ground Rules:Ground Rules:

-- There is a great deal of material to cover…please be prompt.There is a great deal of material to cover…please be prompt.

-- Discussion and questions are encouraged…may sometimes need to Discussion and questions are encouraged…may sometimes need to

be abbreviated or moved to be abbreviated or moved to Parking LotParking Lot..

-- Please move around as comfort requires.Please move around as comfort requires.

-- Please take bathroom breaks at will.Please take bathroom breaks at will.


-- Please take bathroom breaks at will.Please take bathroom breaks at will.

-- Scheduled breaks and lunches will be announced.Scheduled breaks and lunches will be announced.

-- Please share whatever you are comfortable sharing, and bePlease share whatever you are comfortable sharing, and be

supportive of sharing by others. Please maintain the privacy ofsupportive of sharing by others. Please maintain the privacy of

anything that is disclosed during this program.anything that is disclosed during this program.

-- Programmatic questions will generally be referred to the host organizers.Programmatic questions will generally be referred to the host organizers.

Ice Breaker Activity: InterviewIce Breaker Activity: Interview

�� 1.1. Partner’s NamePartner’s Name

�� 2.2. Position / Job / DepartmentPosition / Job / Department

�� 3.3. Partner’s Definition of ConflictPartner’s Definition of Conflict

�� 4.4. Partner’s Definition of MediationPartner’s Definition of Mediation

5. 5. What does your partner hope to gain from training?What does your partner hope to gain from training?


�� 5. 5. What does your partner hope to gain from training?What does your partner hope to gain from training?

�� 6.6. If your partner could be any fictional character, whoIf your partner could be any fictional character, who

would she or he be, and why?would she or he be, and why?

Introduction to ConflictIntroduction to Conflict

�� What relationships of value What relationships of value

will we develop over the will we develop over the

course of our lives?course of our lives?


course of our lives?course of our lives?

�� Who will they be with?Who will they be with?

Introduction to ConflictIntroduction to Conflict

CONFLICTCONFLICT


�� What emotions do we What emotions do we

experience in conflict?experience in conflict?

Definition of ConflictDefinition of Conflict

CONFLICT is:CONFLICT is:�� an expressed struggle between at an expressed struggle between at

least two interdependent parties least two interdependent parties


least two interdependent parties least two interdependent parties who perceive who perceive incompatible goalsincompatible goals, , scarce resourcesscarce resources, and , and interference from othersinterference from others in in achieving their goals.achieving their goals.

(Wilmot & Hocker)(Wilmot & Hocker)

The PIN Model of ConflictThe PIN Model of Conflict

POSITIONS: WHAT WE STATE WE WANT

-----------------------------------------------------------------


-----------------------------------------------------------------

INTERESTS:WHAT WE REALLY WANT

-----------------------------------------------------------------

NEEDS:WHAT WE MUST HAVE


POSITIONSPOSITIONS

�� “You and your friends have no respect for others.”“You and your friends have no respect for others.”

�� “Quit using my stuff.”“Quit using my stuff.”


�� “Quit using my stuff.”“Quit using my stuff.”

�� “Give me $600 by the end of next week.”“Give me $600 by the end of next week.”


INTERESTSINTERESTS

�� “I want the cushions cleaned.”“I want the cushions cleaned.”

�� “I want you to be more careful when other people are over.”“I want you to be more careful when other people are over.”


�� “I want you to be more careful when other people are over.”“I want you to be more careful when other people are over.”

�� “Let me know when you are going to have other people “Let me know when you are going to have other people

over.”over.”

�� “Please show me some respect.”“Please show me some respect.”


NEEDSNEEDS

�� To be able to trust her roommateTo be able to trust her roommate

�� To feel respectedTo feel respected


�� To feel respectedTo feel respected

�� Not to worry when going away for a weekendNot to worry when going away for a weekend

A New View of ConflictA New View of Conflict

Conflict is:Conflict is:

RewardingRewarding InevitableInevitable HealthyHealthy

StimulatingStimulating OpportunityOpportunity GrowthGrowth


StimulatingStimulating OpportunityOpportunity GrowthGrowth

Positive ChangePositive Change CreativeCreative Win/WinWin/Win

HelpfulHelpful EnrichingEnriching LearningLearning

ConstructiveConstructive UnifyingUnifying ExcitingExciting

CollaborativeCollaborative VitalVital ProductiveProductive

A New View of ConflictA New View of Conflict

Conflict:Conflict:

�� 1.1. Is an inevitable part of every relationship of valueIs an inevitable part of every relationship of value

�� 2.2. Can be resolved so that both parties feel they haveCan be resolved so that both parties feel they have

“won” and without the need for someone to “lose.”“won” and without the need for someone to “lose.”


“won” and without the need for someone to “lose.”“won” and without the need for someone to “lose.”

�� 3.3. signals a need for change/evolution in a relationship.signals a need for change/evolution in a relationship.

�� 4.4. can be a healthy and enriching experience, can be a healthy and enriching experience,

strengthening relationships rather than weakeningstrengthening relationships rather than weakening

them.them.

�� 5.5. can be positive and productive, providing opportunitiescan be positive and productive, providing opportunities

for learning and mutual understanding.for learning and mutual understanding.

Conflict Styles and StrategiesConflict Styles and Strategies



AvoidanceAvoidance


AvoidanceAvoidance


AvoidanceAvoidance

Strategies:Strategies:

�� Ignoring the problem/conflictIgnoring the problem/conflict


�� Ignoring the problem/conflictIgnoring the problem/conflict

�� Denial of the problem/conflictDenial of the problem/conflict

�� Evasion of the problem/conflictEvasion of the problem/conflict

�� Joking about the problem/conflictJoking about the problem/conflict


AvoidanceAvoidance

When to Practice:When to Practice:

�� When the issue or relationship is unimportantWhen the issue or relationship is unimportant


�� When the issue or relationship is unimportantWhen the issue or relationship is unimportant

�� When there is no chance of a positive outcomeWhen there is no chance of a positive outcome

�� When risks of confrontation outweigh benefits of resolutionWhen risks of confrontation outweigh benefits of resolution

�� When other party has significantly greater powerWhen other party has significantly greater power

�� When one or more parties needs time to “cool down”When one or more parties needs time to “cool down”

�� When it is appropriate to let others resolve conflictWhen it is appropriate to let others resolve conflict


AvoidanceAvoidance

Disadvantages:Disadvantages:

�� Decisions made by default/without inputDecisions made by default/without input


�� Decisions made by default/without inputDecisions made by default/without input

�� Issues likely to remain unresolvedIssues likely to remain unresolved

�� Loss of influence in a situation or relationshipLoss of influence in a situation or relationship

�� Leads to selfLeads to self--doubt and loss of selfdoubt and loss of self--esteemesteem

�� May be unable to deal with conflicts in the futureMay be unable to deal with conflicts in the future

�� Demonstrates a lack of caring/investmentDemonstrates a lack of caring/investment


AccommodationAccommodation







�� Giving in or giving upGiving in or giving up

�� Denying one’s own needsDenying one’s own needs

�� Placing harmony in the relationship over Placing harmony in the relationship over

the issues in conflictthe issues in conflict




�� When one is wrong/other is rightWhen one is wrong/other is right


�� When one is wrong/other is rightWhen one is wrong/other is right

�� When there is a desire for harmony in the relationshipWhen there is a desire for harmony in the relationship

�� When relationship is more important than the disputeWhen relationship is more important than the dispute

�� When losses can be minimizedWhen losses can be minimized

�� When a party needs to “save face”When a party needs to “save face”

�� When one wants leverage for future conflictWhen one wants leverage for future conflict




�� Requires party to give something upRequires party to give something up


�� Requires party to give something upRequires party to give something up

�� Issues likely to remain unresolvedIssues likely to remain unresolved

�� Does not generate creative solutionsDoes not generate creative solutions

�� Can cause frustration and/or resentmentCan cause frustration and/or resentment

�� Creates a loss of influence in situation/relationshipCreates a loss of influence in situation/relationship

�� Can damage relationshipsCan damage relationships

�� Can foster competition over “niceness”Can foster competition over “niceness”


CompetitionCompetition






�� Hostile remarks or jokesHostile remarks or jokes


�� Threats and/or coercionThreats and/or coercion

�� Denial of own responsibilityDenial of own responsibility

�� Verbal argumentsVerbal arguments

�� Physical altercationsPhysical altercations

�� Covert actionsCovert actions




�� When immediate and decisive action is necessaryWhen immediate and decisive action is necessary


�� When immediate and decisive action is necessaryWhen immediate and decisive action is necessary

�� When the style will be rewardedWhen the style will be rewarded

�� When there is no relationship of valueWhen there is no relationship of value

�� When the issue is more important than the relationshipWhen the issue is more important than the relationship

�� Where a party needs to prove commitment/strengthWhere a party needs to prove commitment/strength

�� When total victory is desiredWhen total victory is desired

�� When competing can bring parties together/make both betterWhen competing can bring parties together/make both better




�� Strains/damages relationshipsStrains/damages relationships


�� Strains/damages relationshipsStrains/damages relationships

�� Requires that one/both/all be “losers” in conflictRequires that one/both/all be “losers” in conflict

�� Conflict may escalateConflict may escalate

�� Less likely to use constructive approaches laterLess likely to use constructive approaches later

�� May encourage covert actionsMay encourage covert actions

�� Can lead to stalematesCan lead to stalemates

�� Creates resentment and/or desire for revengeCreates resentment and/or desire for revenge


CompromiseCompromise







�� Both parties give and take to find a Both parties give and take to find a

“middle ground”“middle ground”

�� Offer a shortOffer a short--term resolution for term resolution for

“peace“peace--keeping”keeping”

�� Appeals to fair play/fairnessAppeals to fair play/fairness




�� When a temporary solution is neededWhen a temporary solution is needed


�� When a temporary solution is neededWhen a temporary solution is needed

�� When parties are of equal powerWhen parties are of equal power

�� When parties wish to save time and energyWhen parties wish to save time and energy

�� When doing so “seems fair” to all partiesWhen doing so “seems fair” to all parties




�� Often leaves underlying issues unresolvedOften leaves underlying issues unresolved


�� Often leaves underlying issues unresolvedOften leaves underlying issues unresolved

�� Issue may become a recurring problemIssue may become a recurring problem

�� Parties required to give something upParties required to give something up

�� One/both/all parties may not be completely satisfiedOne/both/all parties may not be completely satisfied

�� Becomes an easy way out of creative conflict resolutionBecomes an easy way out of creative conflict resolution

�� Leads to “position padding”Leads to “position padding”


CollaborationCollaboration






�� Open and honest dialogue that is positive and Open and honest dialogue that is positive and constructiveconstructive


�� Willingness to listen to another viewWillingness to listen to another view

�� Emotions dealt with properlyEmotions dealt with properly

�� Seeking input from other partySeeking input from other party

�� Willingness to accept responsibility for one’s Willingness to accept responsibility for one’s actionsactions

�� Giving ground without “giving in” (reason v. Giving ground without “giving in” (reason v. compromise)compromise)




�� When the relationship is importantWhen the relationship is important


�� When the relationship is importantWhen the relationship is important

�� When a mutually satisfying outcome is soughtWhen a mutually satisfying outcome is sought

�� When both views/sides are too important to compromiseWhen both views/sides are too important to compromise

�� When underlying issues need to be addressedWhen underlying issues need to be addressed

�� When one wants to avoid destructive means for handling When one wants to avoid destructive means for handling

conflictconflict

�� When new and creative solutions are desiredWhen new and creative solutions are desired




�� Takes more time and energyTakes more time and energy


�� Takes more time and energyTakes more time and energy

�� Requires both parties to be committed to the processRequires both parties to be committed to the process

�� Makes a party appear unreasonable if he/she later decides Makes a party appear unreasonable if he/she later decides

against collaborationagainst collaboration

�� A collaborative party may appear weak to an aggressive partyA collaborative party may appear weak to an aggressive party


“Rick’s Conflict”“Rick’s Conflict”

House versus HawaiiHouse versus Hawaii

Let’s try:Let’s try:


Let’s try:Let’s try:

�� AvoidanceAvoidance

�� AccommodationAccommodation

�� CompetitionCompetition

�� CompromiseCompromise

�� CollaborationCollaboration


End of Section:End of Section:

Questions and DiscussionQuestions and Discussion

??


??

Mediation TrainingMediation Training

15 minute break15 minute break



Mediation and the MediatorMediation and the Mediator

Conflict Resolution Methods:Conflict Resolution Methods:

Methods Where PartiesMethods Where Parties

Control The OutcomeControl The Outcome


Control The OutcomeControl The Outcome


AvoidanceAvoidance

(Relatively) Successful Example:(Relatively) Successful Example:

John is a freshman who moves into a residence hall. He discovers that his John is a freshman who moves into a residence hall. He discovers that his

roommate Brent has political views that are sharply different than his roommate Brent has political views that are sharply different than his


roommate Brent has political views that are sharply different than his roommate Brent has political views that are sharply different than his

own (judging by the posters and slogans placed on Brent’s side of the own (judging by the posters and slogans placed on Brent’s side of the

room). John then places his political posters on the wall. When John and room). John then places his political posters on the wall. When John and

Brent are first together in the room, John begins asking Brent about his Brent are first together in the room, John begins asking Brent about his

hobbies and favorite sports teams. He discovers that he and Brent have hobbies and favorite sports teams. He discovers that he and Brent have

several shared interests. The two begin a friendship and mutually agree several shared interests. The two begin a friendship and mutually agree

that they will not have political debates until they know each other that they will not have political debates until they know each other

better.better.


AvoidanceAvoidance

(Relatively) Unsuccessful Example:(Relatively) Unsuccessful Example:

Karl is involved in a joint class project with Sharon. Sharon has been Karl is involved in a joint class project with Sharon. Sharon has been

very inconsistent throughout the semester and has made very little very inconsistent throughout the semester and has made very little


very inconsistent throughout the semester and has made very little very inconsistent throughout the semester and has made very little

progress on the final assignment. Karl chooses not to say anything, progress on the final assignment. Karl chooses not to say anything,

fearing he might be viewed as mean. He continues doing his portion of fearing he might be viewed as mean. He continues doing his portion of

the assignment without confronting Sharon. The night before the the assignment without confronting Sharon. The night before the

assignment is due Sharon gives Karl her portion, which is poorly written assignment is due Sharon gives Karl her portion, which is poorly written

and incomplete. The work is submitted the next day and both receive and incomplete. The work is submitted the next day and both receive

poor grades, even though Karl’s work was excellent.poor grades, even though Karl’s work was excellent.


DiscussionDiscussion


Kerri and Kendra are having a dispute over hosting overnight guests. Kerri and Kendra are having a dispute over hosting overnight guests.

Kerri is angry with Kendra for having intimate relations with her Kerri is angry with Kendra for having intimate relations with her


Kerri is angry with Kendra for having intimate relations with her Kerri is angry with Kendra for having intimate relations with her

boyfriend while Kerri is present. Kerri and Kendra talk and agree that boyfriend while Kerri is present. Kerri and Kendra talk and agree that

visitors will be limited to one night a week, and that there will be a visitors will be limited to one night a week, and that there will be a

“secret sign” placed on the door to let the other person know that the “secret sign” placed on the door to let the other person know that the

room is “occupied” and the other person should spend the night room is “occupied” and the other person should spend the night

somewhere else. This arrangement works out well for the remainder of somewhere else. This arrangement works out well for the remainder of

the year despite some minor inconveniences to both.the year despite some minor inconveniences to both.


DiscussionDiscussion


Bill and Beth are former dating partners who are fighting over whether Bill and Beth are former dating partners who are fighting over whether

or not to remain friends. Beth no longer wishes to date Bill or to remain or not to remain friends. Beth no longer wishes to date Bill or to remain


or not to remain friends. Beth no longer wishes to date Bill or to remain or not to remain friends. Beth no longer wishes to date Bill or to remain

friends. Bill does not believe that Beth feels this way, and is constantly friends. Bill does not believe that Beth feels this way, and is constantly

visiting and calling her. One night the two sit down and discuss the visiting and calling her. One night the two sit down and discuss the

matter. Beth agrees to be friends with Bill, but not to date him. Bill sees matter. Beth agrees to be friends with Bill, but not to date him. Bill sees

this as an opening to utilize the friendship to convince her to begin dating this as an opening to utilize the friendship to convince her to begin dating

again. Within two days, Beth is feeling pressured by Bill again.again. Within two days, Beth is feeling pressured by Bill again.


NegotiationNegotiation


Maya and Katana are both on the women’s tennis team. The team is Maya and Katana are both on the women’s tennis team. The team is

ordering jackets and has voted to place the appropriate seeding number ordering jackets and has voted to place the appropriate seeding number


ordering jackets and has voted to place the appropriate seeding number ordering jackets and has voted to place the appropriate seeding number

on each member’s jacket. Maya was third seed but dropped to fourth on each member’s jacket. Maya was third seed but dropped to fourth

after she was injured in the middle of the season. Katana was fourth and after she was injured in the middle of the season. Katana was fourth and

was promoted to third during Maya’s injury. Both feel that they should was promoted to third during Maya’s injury. Both feel that they should

be allowed to wear the higher seed on their jackets. The coach sits down be allowed to wear the higher seed on their jackets. The coach sits down

with the two and conducts a negotiation, during which time both women with the two and conducts a negotiation, during which time both women

agree to share the recognition of third seed.agree to share the recognition of third seed.


NegotiationNegotiation


Roger and Ivan are roommates locked in a dispute over use of the room. Roger and Ivan are roommates locked in a dispute over use of the room.

Roger likes to host small parties several times a week while Ivan prefers Roger likes to host small parties several times a week while Ivan prefers


Roger likes to host small parties several times a week while Ivan prefers Roger likes to host small parties several times a week while Ivan prefers

to keep the room quiet for study. The two cannot reach an agreement to keep the room quiet for study. The two cannot reach an agreement

and decide to meet with the resident assistant, Marcus, asking him to and decide to meet with the resident assistant, Marcus, asking him to

assist. The two explain their situation to Marcus. He informs them that assist. The two explain their situation to Marcus. He informs them that

residence hall policy explicitly states that quiet hours begin at 9:00 p.m., residence hall policy explicitly states that quiet hours begin at 9:00 p.m.,

so there should be no partying after that time. Marcus also warns Roger so there should be no partying after that time. Marcus also warns Roger

that if he becomes aware of any underage drinking, Roger will be that if he becomes aware of any underage drinking, Roger will be

referred to the disciplinary process. After the meeting, Ivan is still referred to the disciplinary process. After the meeting, Ivan is still

concerned because he and Roger have not reached an agreement. Roger concerned because he and Roger have not reached an agreement. Roger

is angry with Ivan for getting him into possible trouble.is angry with Ivan for getting him into possible trouble.


MediationMediation


Several students who reside off campus are in a dispute with their Several students who reside off campus are in a dispute with their

neighbors over loud parties that are taking place every weekend. The neighbors over loud parties that are taking place every weekend. The


neighbors over loud parties that are taking place every weekend. The neighbors over loud parties that are taking place every weekend. The

students and neighbors agree to involve a third party. They listen to one students and neighbors agree to involve a third party. They listen to one

another, and the mediator assists them to express their feelings and another, and the mediator assists them to express their feelings and

concerns. The students agree that the neighbors concern over noise is concerns. The students agree that the neighbors concern over noise is

reasonable, agree to limit their activities to two parties per month, with reasonable, agree to limit their activities to two parties per month, with

all parties ending by midnight. The neighbors, in turn, recognize the all parties ending by midnight. The neighbors, in turn, recognize the

stated need of the students to host social gatherings, and agree to contact stated need of the students to host social gatherings, and agree to contact

the students rather than the police if the noise begins to escalate.the students rather than the police if the noise begins to escalate.


MediationMediation


Jim and Leon are arguing over an incident in which Leon alleges that Jim and Leon are arguing over an incident in which Leon alleges that

Jim struck him. The two agree to have a neutral third party mediate the Jim struck him. The two agree to have a neutral third party mediate the


Jim struck him. The two agree to have a neutral third party mediate the Jim struck him. The two agree to have a neutral third party mediate the

dispute. While they are talking, Jim acknowledges striking Leon and dispute. While they are talking, Jim acknowledges striking Leon and

apologizes for his actions. Leon immediately calls off the discussion and apologizes for his actions. Leon immediately calls off the discussion and

insists that the mediator testify to Jim’s confession in the student insists that the mediator testify to Jim’s confession in the student

disciplinary process. Leon feels as though he has won his point, while Jim disciplinary process. Leon feels as though he has won his point, while Jim

is feeling betrayed by both Leon and the mediation process.is feeling betrayed by both Leon and the mediation process.


Nonviolent or Violent Direct ActionNonviolent or Violent Direct Action


Bill and Mary are entering a residence hall when several intoxicated Bill and Mary are entering a residence hall when several intoxicated

students begin shoving Bill and harassing Mary. They surround Mary students begin shoving Bill and harassing Mary. They surround Mary


students begin shoving Bill and harassing Mary. They surround Mary students begin shoving Bill and harassing Mary. They surround Mary

and Bill breaks into the circle, knocking down two of the students. Bill and Bill breaks into the circle, knocking down two of the students. Bill

grabs Mary and the two then run into the residence hall and call the grabs Mary and the two then run into the residence hall and call the

police. police.


Nonviolent or Violent Direct ActionNonviolent or Violent Direct Action


Dr. Franklin is an instructor for Jorge. Dr. Franklin has been under the Dr. Franklin is an instructor for Jorge. Dr. Franklin has been under the

impression that Jorge does not like him as an instructor, as he is impression that Jorge does not like him as an instructor, as he is


impression that Jorge does not like him as an instructor, as he is impression that Jorge does not like him as an instructor, as he is

continuously disagreeable in class and openly criticizes personal habits of continuously disagreeable in class and openly criticizes personal habits of

Dr. Franklin. One day in class Jorge interrupts Dr. Franklin. Dr. Dr. Franklin. One day in class Jorge interrupts Dr. Franklin. Dr.

Franklin begins screaming at Jorge, telling him that if there are any Franklin begins screaming at Jorge, telling him that if there are any

further outbursts, he will show Jorge what it means to be “taken out to further outbursts, he will show Jorge what it means to be “taken out to

the woodshed” and given an oldthe woodshed” and given an old--fashioned lesson. Jorge files a complaint fashioned lesson. Jorge files a complaint

with the department chair and with the university police.with the department chair and with the university police.


Conflict Resolution Methods:Conflict Resolution Methods:

Methods Where A Third PartyMethods Where A Third Party

Controls The OutcomeControls The Outcome


Controls The OutcomeControls The Outcome


Administrative ActionAdministrative Action


Connie and Carl are secretaries in the same office. Both wish to attend Connie and Carl are secretaries in the same office. Both wish to attend

the same professional development program, but can’t leave the office the same professional development program, but can’t leave the office


the same professional development program, but can’t leave the office the same professional development program, but can’t leave the office

unattended. Connie and Carl seek the assistance of their supervisor. She unattended. Connie and Carl seek the assistance of their supervisor. She

suggests that Carl attend the program, as it is more closely related to the suggests that Carl attend the program, as it is more closely related to the

work that he does. The supervisor also asks Carl to present a work that he does. The supervisor also asks Carl to present a

professional development session on what he learned at the next staff professional development session on what he learned at the next staff

meeting, so that everyone can benefit from what he gained. The meeting, so that everyone can benefit from what he gained. The

supervisor assures Connie that she may attend the program the next time supervisor assures Connie that she may attend the program the next time

it is offered if she is still interested. Everyone is satisfied with the it is offered if she is still interested. Everyone is satisfied with the

solution.solution.


Administrative ActionAdministrative Action


Felicia and Natasha are feuding over who will hold an important Felicia and Natasha are feuding over who will hold an important

leadership position in a student organization. The vote was a tie and leadership position in a student organization. The vote was a tie and


leadership position in a student organization. The vote was a tie and leadership position in a student organization. The vote was a tie and

neither is satisfied with leaving the decision to chance. Both agree to neither is satisfied with leaving the decision to chance. Both agree to

allow the group’s advisor, Dr. White, to make the final decision. Dr. allow the group’s advisor, Dr. White, to make the final decision. Dr.

White listens to each student’s arguments for why she should hold the White listens to each student’s arguments for why she should hold the

position, and he selects Felicia to fill the spot. Felicia is satisfied, while position, and he selects Felicia to fill the spot. Felicia is satisfied, while

Natasha is bitter. Natasha considers not participating at all after hearing Natasha is bitter. Natasha considers not participating at all after hearing

from other students that Felicia is one of Dr. White’s “favorite students.”from other students that Felicia is one of Dr. White’s “favorite students.”


ArbitrationArbitration


The Student Senate and one of its organizations are locked in a dispute The Student Senate and one of its organizations are locked in a dispute

over a budget proposal. The organization alleges that promises were over a budget proposal. The organization alleges that promises were


over a budget proposal. The organization alleges that promises were over a budget proposal. The organization alleges that promises were

made about the group’s ability to receive funding for an important event, made about the group’s ability to receive funding for an important event,

yet the funding was not included in the final budget. The two sides agree yet the funding was not included in the final budget. The two sides agree

to allow the Dean of Students to serve as an arbiter, as the Dean is not to allow the Dean of Students to serve as an arbiter, as the Dean is not

involved in the budget process and is perceived by both sides to be a involved in the budget process and is perceived by both sides to be a

neutral party. The Dean determines that a promise was made, but that neutral party. The Dean determines that a promise was made, but that

there was no specific amount of money indicated. He awards the group there was no specific amount of money indicated. He awards the group

half of the amount they requested, instructing them to engage in fundhalf of the amount they requested, instructing them to engage in fund--

raising events to earn the rest. Both sides are satisfied with the outcome.raising events to earn the rest. Both sides are satisfied with the outcome.


ArbitrationArbitration


Michael and Chris are disputing a utility bill of $150 for a period of time Michael and Chris are disputing a utility bill of $150 for a period of time

when Chris was technically on the lease, but not living in the apartment. when Chris was technically on the lease, but not living in the apartment.


when Chris was technically on the lease, but not living in the apartment. when Chris was technically on the lease, but not living in the apartment.

The two agree to arbitration and the arbiter rules that Chris owes The two agree to arbitration and the arbiter rules that Chris owes

Michael $75. Michael is upset that he is not getting his full payment, Michael $75. Michael is upset that he is not getting his full payment,

while Chris is angry that he has to pay anything for a period of time while Chris is angry that he has to pay anything for a period of time

when he was living somewhere else.when he was living somewhere else.


Judicial ActionJudicial Action


Jennifer is accused of harassing Dana by writing obscene messages on Jennifer is accused of harassing Dana by writing obscene messages on

her door. Jennifer offers no reasonable explanation for her actions, and her door. Jennifer offers no reasonable explanation for her actions, and


her door. Jennifer offers no reasonable explanation for her actions, and her door. Jennifer offers no reasonable explanation for her actions, and

it is evident that she simply dislikes Dana. The judicial board finds it is evident that she simply dislikes Dana. The judicial board finds

Jennifer in violation of university regulations and imposes several Jennifer in violation of university regulations and imposes several

sanctions, including instructions not to have further contact with Dana. sanctions, including instructions not to have further contact with Dana.

In Dana’s view, this is a successful outcome.In Dana’s view, this is a successful outcome.


Judicial ActionJudicial Action


Greg and Bill are roommates charged with violating quiet hours during a Greg and Bill are roommates charged with violating quiet hours during a

heated argument. Both are found in violation and are required to spend heated argument. Both are found in violation and are required to spend


heated argument. Both are found in violation and are required to spend heated argument. Both are found in violation and are required to spend

ten hours working with residence hall staff members. The two ten hours working with residence hall staff members. The two

understand that they should not have violated policy, but felt that there understand that they should not have violated policy, but felt that there

were important issues being addressed in the argument. No one is were important issues being addressed in the argument. No one is

offering to sit down with the two students and both are too angry with offering to sit down with the two students and both are too angry with

one another to discuss this calmly. one another to discuss this calmly.


Legislative ActionLegislative Action


Last year, the director of a university office received several complaints Last year, the director of a university office received several complaints

about the way that some of the staff members dressed. The director tried about the way that some of the staff members dressed. The director tried


about the way that some of the staff members dressed. The director tried about the way that some of the staff members dressed. The director tried

unsuccessfully to work with the two employees with whom he had unsuccessfully to work with the two employees with whom he had

concerns, but was not effective. During the summer both staff members concerns, but was not effective. During the summer both staff members

left the office and new staff were hired. The director has issued a new left the office and new staff were hired. The director has issued a new

dress code that is included in the orientation training materials. The new dress code that is included in the orientation training materials. The new

staff members think that the policy is appropriate. staff members think that the policy is appropriate.


Legislative ActionLegislative Action


Tara and Nikki are graduate assistants who share the same office. They Tara and Nikki are graduate assistants who share the same office. They

are arguing over what type of music to play in the office during joint are arguing over what type of music to play in the office during joint


are arguing over what type of music to play in the office during joint are arguing over what type of music to play in the office during joint

work hours. The dispute becomes a major topic of conversation in the work hours. The dispute becomes a major topic of conversation in the

office, and many staff members are inconvenienced by the dispute. The office, and many staff members are inconvenienced by the dispute. The

next week the director meets with all staff members and issues a new next week the director meets with all staff members and issues a new

policy under which no staff members are allowed to play music during policy under which no staff members are allowed to play music during

office hours.office hours.


Understanding MediationUnderstanding Mediation

Mediation is a voluntary and private process in Mediation is a voluntary and private process in

which a neutral third party (the mediator) which a neutral third party (the mediator)

facilitates the discussion and identification of issues facilitates the discussion and identification of issues


facilitates the discussion and identification of issues facilitates the discussion and identification of issues

between the disputants, the development of between the disputants, the development of

alternate solutions, and the nonalternate solutions, and the non--directed negotiation directed negotiation

of a mutually satisfying outcome to the dispute.of a mutually satisfying outcome to the dispute.


Mediation isMediation is

��VoluntaryVoluntary

��PrivatePrivate


��PrivatePrivate

��Neutral and NonNeutral and Non--directivedirective


The Successful The Successful

Mediator:Mediator:

�� Trusts the partiesTrusts the parties


�� Trusts the partiesTrusts the parties

�� Is neutralIs neutral

�� Has excellent listening skillsHas excellent listening skills

�� Creates a trusting environmentCreates a trusting environment

�� Is professionalIs professional

�� Is patient and flexibleIs patient and flexible

Creating the Mediation EnvironmentCreating the Mediation Environment

In Mediation:In Mediation:

Nothing is left to chanceNothing is left to chance..


Nothing is left to chanceNothing is left to chance..


CoCo--Mediation:Mediation:

Define the Role of Each MediatorDefine the Role of Each Mediator

�� Will the mediators be equal, or will one lead?Will the mediators be equal, or will one lead?


�� Divide the Introductory StatementDivide the Introductory Statement

�� Who will deal with audioWho will deal with audio--visual/equipment/facility needs?visual/equipment/facility needs?

�� Who is responsible for paperwork?Who is responsible for paperwork?

�� Who will write the agreement?Who will write the agreement?

�� How will a caucus be called?How will a caucus be called?

�� How will a decision to terminate be addressed?How will a decision to terminate be addressed?



Know the Style of Each MediatorKnow the Style of Each Mediator

�� What is your style?What is your style?


�� What is your coWhat is your co--mediator’s style?mediator’s style?

�� What do you like to do in mediation? What don’t you like?What do you like to do in mediation? What don’t you like?

�� What concerns do you have?What concerns do you have?

�� How are you feeling today?How are you feeling today?



After the MediationAfter the Mediation

�� Discuss what went wellDiscuss what went well


�� Discuss what could be improvedDiscuss what could be improved

�� Discuss your relationship as coDiscuss your relationship as co--mediatorsmediators


The RoomThe Room

Factors to ConsiderFactors to Consider

�� PrivacyPrivacy

�� SecuritySecurity


�� SecuritySecurity

�� ComfortComfort

�� LightingLighting

�� TemperatureTemperature

�� NoiseNoise

�� Neutral MessagesNeutral Messages

�� Rest Rooms and VendingRest Rooms and Vending


The TableThe Table

Why a Table?Why a Table?

�� The table creates a formal atmosphereThe table creates a formal atmosphere


�� The table creates a formal atmosphereThe table creates a formal atmosphere

�� The table creates an initial air of confrontationThe table creates an initial air of confrontation

�� The table offers protection and secure territory to each The table offers protection and secure territory to each

partyparty



Seating ArrangementSeating Arrangement

For single mediator:For single mediator:


DD DD

MM

tel.tel.

----------exitexit----------

D= disputantD= disputant M= mediatorM= mediator tel.= telephonetel.= telephone




For coFor co--mediation:mediation:


DD DD

M MM M

tel.tel.

----------exitexit----------





For coFor co--mediation:mediation:

DD ECEC DD


DD ECEC DD

M MM M

tel.tel.

----------exitexit----------

D= disputantD= disputant M= mediatorM= mediator tel.= telephonetel.= telephone EC= Empty ChairEC= Empty Chair




For multiple party mediation:For multiple party mediation:

DD D DD D


DD D DD D

M MM M

tel.tel.

----------exitexit----------



Other Factors:Other Factors:

�� SuppliesSupplies

�� Other Parties in AttendanceOther Parties in Attendance


�� Initial GreetingsInitial Greetings

�� Tardiness and AbsenceTardiness and Absence

The Six Step Mediation ProcessThe Six Step Mediation Process

Step One: Introductory Statement

Step Two: Telling the Story

Party A Party B


Step Three: Defining the Issues

Step Four: Generating Options

Step Five: Testing Options

Step Six: Writing the Agreement

Step One: The Introductory StatementStep One: The Introductory Statement

Purposes:Purposes:

�� Introductions/become familiar with disputantsIntroductions/become familiar with disputants

�� Describing the mediation processDescribing the mediation process

�� Describing role of mediator and establishing Describing role of mediator and establishing


�� Describing role of mediator and establishing Describing role of mediator and establishing

neutralityneutrality

�� Defining privacy and noteDefining privacy and note--takingtaking

�� Describing the caucusDescribing the caucus

�� Explaining ground rulesExplaining ground rules

�� Answering questions Answering questions




Party A Party B






Step Two: Telling The StoryStep Two: Telling The Story

Purposes:Purposes:

�� Hear complete perspectives of both partiesHear complete perspectives of both parties

�� Promote listening by both partiesPromote listening by both parties

�� Gather informationGather information

�� Question perceptions and assumptionsQuestion perceptions and assumptions


�� Question perceptions and assumptionsQuestion perceptions and assumptions

�� Find out what the parties wantFind out what the parties want


Alien ShoreAlien Shore

FriendFriend LoveLove

EnemyEnemy HatredHatred

ShareShare PrettyPretty


ShareShare PrettyPretty

GreedyGreedy UglyUgly

GoodGood HopeHope

BadBad DespairDespair


Are you hearing me?Are you hearing me?



Reflective Listening: AttendingReflective Listening: Attending

�� Body PostureBody Posture

�� Eye ContactEye Contact

�� Nonverbal BehaviorsNonverbal Behaviors

�� Paying AttentionPaying Attention


�� Paying AttentionPaying Attention

�� Nervous BehaviorsNervous Behaviors


Reflective Listening: Summarizing/RestatingReflective Listening: Summarizing/Restating

ExampleExample

Student #1:Student #1: I am taking six classes this semester and I don’t have a lot I am taking six classes this semester and I don’t have a lot of time.of time.

Mediator:Mediator: You are saying that you are very busy because of your You are saying that you are very busy because of your


Mediator:Mediator: You are saying that you are very busy because of your You are saying that you are very busy because of your heavy course load.heavy course load.

Student #1:Student #1: Yes, that and the fact that I am working twenty hours a Yes, that and the fact that I am working twenty hours a week at the bakery.week at the bakery.

Mediator:Mediator: It sounds like you are balancing a very difficult schedule.It sounds like you are balancing a very difficult schedule.


Taking Notes: Method #1Taking Notes: Method #1

Party AParty A Party BParty B

notesnotes notesnotes

notesnotes **** notesnotes


notesnotes notesnotes ****


Taking Notes: Method #2Taking Notes: Method #2

Party AParty A Party BParty B





IssueIssue

IssueIssue


Reflective Listening: EmpathyReflective Listening: Empathy

�� Conveys Understanding, Not AgreementConveys Understanding, Not Agreement

ExampleExample


Mediator:Mediator: You must be under a lot of pressure taking a full course You must be under a lot of pressure taking a full course

load and working twenty hours a week.load and working twenty hours a week.


Reflective Listening: You / I StatementsReflective Listening: You / I Statements

�� “You” statements tend to attack and/or place blame“You” statements tend to attack and/or place blame

ExampleExample


Disputant:Disputant: You never show any concern for the feelings of others.You never show any concern for the feelings of others.



�� “I” statements tend to have the speaker assume “I” statements tend to have the speaker assume

responsibility for her or his feelings.responsibility for her or his feelings.

ExampleExample


ExampleExample

Disputant:Disputant: I feel angry when you stay up late at night with the light on I feel angry when you stay up late at night with the light on

because I am kept awake and have an 8:00 class to go to because I am kept awake and have an 8:00 class to go to

every morning.every morning.



�� Mediator “Modeling”Mediator “Modeling”

ExampleExample

Kyle:Kyle: Bill, you are the most inconsiderate person I have ever met. You Bill, you are the most inconsiderate person I have ever met. You

come in late, create all kinds of noise, turn on lights, and don’t care come in late, create all kinds of noise, turn on lights, and don’t care


come in late, create all kinds of noise, turn on lights, and don’t care come in late, create all kinds of noise, turn on lights, and don’t care

that I have an 8:00 class to get up for.that I have an 8:00 class to get up for.

Mediator (looking back and forth at Kyle and Bill): Kyle, you are saying that Mediator (looking back and forth at Kyle and Bill): Kyle, you are saying that

it makes you angry when Bill comes in late and makes noise and turns it makes you angry when Bill comes in late and makes noise and turns

on the light because it wakes you up and makes it difficult for you to on the light because it wakes you up and makes it difficult for you to

wake up for an early morning class?wake up for an early morning class?

Kyle:Kyle: Yes.Yes.


Reflective Listening: MirroringReflective Listening: Mirroring

�� Helps establish rapportHelps establish rapport

�� Matching postureMatching posture

�� Matching voice toneMatching voice tone


�� Matching voice toneMatching voice tone

�� Matching movement and breathingMatching movement and breathing

�� Matching metaphorsMatching metaphors

�� Be careful not to mimicBe careful not to mimic

�� Don’t mirror negative behaviorsDon’t mirror negative behaviors


Reflective Listening: ReframingReflective Listening: Reframing

�� One of the most critical skills in the mediation processOne of the most critical skills in the mediation process

�� Difficult to master / not generally “natural”Difficult to master / not generally “natural”

�� Restate what is saidRestate what is said


�� Restate what is saidRestate what is said

�� Remove negative languageRemove negative language

�� Reframing = Restating + DeescalatingReframing = Restating + Deescalating


Reflective Listening: Reframing (Example)Reflective Listening: Reframing (Example)

�� Using reframing to deescalate:Using reframing to deescalate:

Disputant:Disputant: He’s a liar. He said he would give me 20 dollars He’s a liar. He said he would give me 20 dollars

and then he only gave me five.and then he only gave me five.


and then he only gave me five.and then he only gave me five.

Mediator:Mediator: It sounds like you are angry because you did not It sounds like you are angry because you did not

get the amount you thought you deserved.get the amount you thought you deserved.


Reflective Listening: Reframing (Example)Reflective Listening: Reframing (Example)

�� Using reframing to challenge mindset of disputant:Using reframing to challenge mindset of disputant:

Disputant:Disputant: I’m so fed up with all of this I’ll do anything. I’m so fed up with all of this I’ll do anything.


Mediator:Mediator: It sounds like you really want to resolve this and It sounds like you really want to resolve this and

put it behind you.put it behind you.


Small Group Exercise: ReframingSmall Group Exercise: Reframing


Please reframe the statements in your book.Please reframe the statements in your book.



Statement #1Statement #1

Every time he has made promises to me he has broken Every time he has made promises to me he has broken

them. I can’t trust him.them. I can’t trust him.


ResponseResponse

You are concerned that because previous agreements You are concerned that because previous agreements

haven’t gone well that this one might not succeed either. Is haven’t gone well that this one might not succeed either. Is

there anything he could do that would help you trust him?there anything he could do that would help you trust him?




She is just so irresponsible.She is just so irresponsible.

ResponseResponse


ResponseResponse

What doe responsible mean to you? What could she do to What doe responsible mean to you? What could she do to

demonstrate that she is responsible?demonstrate that she is responsible?




He is telling you that he didn’t take it, but I know for a fact He is telling you that he didn’t take it, but I know for a fact

that he is lying. (spoken to mediator)that he is lying. (spoken to mediator)


ResponseResponse

You feel that he is not being honest with you. I know it is You feel that he is not being honest with you. I know it is

important to you that the truth is told today, but I need to important to you that the truth is told today, but I need to

remind you that I am not here to determine what took remind you that I am not here to determine what took

place. place.




She is always being unfair to me.She is always being unfair to me.

ResponseResponse


ResponseResponse

What seems unfair to you? What seems unfair to you?

How would you like to be treated?How would you like to be treated?

Let’s talk about what would make you feel better. Let’s talk about what would make you feel better.




He doesn’t care about what this has done to me.He doesn’t care about what this has done to me.

ResponseResponse


ResponseResponse

Tell us what this has done to you. You seem to feel as Tell us what this has done to you. You seem to feel as

though he doesn’t understand the impact that this has had though he doesn’t understand the impact that this has had

on you. What would help? on you. What would help?




What’s the point of discussing this? She’ll never agree to What’s the point of discussing this? She’ll never agree to

see my point of view.see my point of view.


ResponseResponse

Let’s imagine that she could see your point of view. What Let’s imagine that she could see your point of view. What

would happen then? would happen then?




I’m not going to give in on this until he does.I’m not going to give in on this until he does.

ResponseResponse


ResponseResponse

It sounds like you need him to work together with you on It sounds like you need him to work together with you on

this. What would be a good start? this. What would be a good start?




If she would just treat me with respect I might be willing to If she would just treat me with respect I might be willing to

work this out.work this out.


ResponseResponse

It sounds like respect is very important to you and that you It sounds like respect is very important to you and that you

want to resolve this conflict. How does someone want to resolve this conflict. How does someone

demonstrate respect to you? It sounds like you have some demonstrate respect to you? It sounds like you have some

definite ideas about what it would take to come to an definite ideas about what it would take to come to an

agreement. agreement.




He makes me sick.He makes me sick.

ResponseResponse


ResponseResponse

What is it that makes you feel this way? What is it that makes you feel this way?




She’s a racist.She’s a racist.

ResponseResponse


ResponseResponse

What is it that makes you feel this way? What is it that makes you feel this way?


Small Group Exercise:Small Group Exercise:


The Value of QuestioningThe Value of Questioning


OpenOpen--ended Questionsended Questions

ExamplesExamples

�� What happened?What happened?


�� Please tell me about the situation.Please tell me about the situation.

�� What do you think created this problem?What do you think created this problem?

�� What led you to take this action?What led you to take this action?


ClosedClosed--ended Questionsended Questions

ExamplesExamples

�� Did you yell at him?Did you yell at him?


�� When did this take place?When did this take place?

�� Where did you put the photos?Where did you put the photos?

�� Were you feeling angry at the time?Were you feeling angry at the time?


The Cash Register ExerciseThe Cash Register Exercise




Statements:Statements:

1.1. A man appeared after the store owner turned off his store lights.A man appeared after the store owner turned off his store lights.

2.2. The man who appeared did not demand money.The man who appeared did not demand money.

3.3. The man who opened the cash register was the owner.The man who opened the cash register was the owner.

4.4. Someone opened a cash register.Someone opened a cash register.



5.5. While the cash register contained money, the story does not state how much.While the cash register contained money, the story does not state how much.

6.6. After the man who demanded money scooped up the contents of the cash After the man who demanded money scooped up the contents of the cash register, he ran away.register, he ran away.

7.7. The owner of the store scooped up the contents of the cash register and ran The owner of the store scooped up the contents of the cash register and ran away.away.

8.8. The robber was a man.The robber was a man.

9.9. The robber demanded money of the owner.The robber demanded money of the owner.

10.10. The story concerns a series of events in which only three persons are The story concerns a series of events in which only three persons are mentioned: the owner of a store, the man who demanded money, and a mentioned: the owner of a store, the man who demanded money, and a member of the police force.member of the police force.



A cashier had just turned off the lights in the store when a A cashier had just turned off the lights in the store when a

man appeared and demanded money. The owner opened a man appeared and demanded money. The owner opened a

cash register. Everything inside the register was scooped cash register. Everything inside the register was scooped


cash register. Everything inside the register was scooped cash register. Everything inside the register was scooped

up, and the man then sped away. A member of the police up, and the man then sped away. A member of the police

force was notified promptly.force was notified promptly.




1.1. A man appeared after the store owner turned off his store lights.A man appeared after the store owner turned off his store lights.

Answer:Answer: UnknownUnknown


We do not know the gender of the owner, nor do we know if the owner and We do not know the gender of the owner, nor do we know if the owner and

the cashier are the same person.the cashier are the same person.

A cashier had just turned off the lights in the store when a man appeared A cashier had just turned off the lights in the store when a man appeared

and demanded money. The owner opened a cash register. Everything inside and demanded money. The owner opened a cash register. Everything inside

the register was scooped up, and the man then sped away. A member of the the register was scooped up, and the man then sped away. A member of the

police force was notified promptly.police force was notified promptly.




2.2. The man who appeared did not demand money.The man who appeared did not demand money.

Answer:Answer: FalseFalse


It is clearly stated that the man who appeared demanded money.It is clearly stated that the man who appeared demanded money.








3.3. The man who opened the cash register was the owner.The man who opened the cash register was the owner.



We do not know the gender of the owner.We do not know the gender of the owner.









Answer:Answer: TrueTrue


This is clearly stated in the story. In fact, we know that the owner opened a This is clearly stated in the story. In fact, we know that the owner opened a

cash register.cash register.








5.5. While the cash register contained money, the story does not state how much.While the cash register contained money, the story does not state how much.



The story does not explicitly state that there is money in the cash register. It The story does not explicitly state that there is money in the cash register. It

could be money, credit card receipts, or pickles!could be money, credit card receipts, or pickles!








6.6. After the man who demanded money scooped up the contents of the cash After the man who demanded money scooped up the contents of the cash

register, he ran away.register, he ran away.



We do not know who scooped up the contents of the cash register, nor do we We do not know who scooped up the contents of the cash register, nor do we

know if “ran” and “sped” signify the same thing.know if “ran” and “sped” signify the same thing.








7.7. The owner of the store scooped up the contents of the cash register and ran The owner of the store scooped up the contents of the cash register and ran

away.away.



The story does not preclude the owner from having done this, nor do we The story does not preclude the owner from having done this, nor do we

know if “ran” and “sped” signify the same thing.know if “ran” and “sped” signify the same thing.








8.8. The robber was a man.The robber was a man.



We do not know for certain that a robbery has taken place.We do not know for certain that a robbery has taken place.








9.9. The robber demanded money of the owner.The robber demanded money of the owner.



We do not know for certain that a robbery has taken place.We do not know for certain that a robbery has taken place.








10.10. The story concerns a series of events in which only three persons are The story concerns a series of events in which only three persons are mentioned: the owner of the store, a man who demanded money, and a mentioned: the owner of the store, a man who demanded money, and a member of the police force.member of the police force.



While a cashier is mentioned, we do not know if the owner and the cashier While a cashier is mentioned, we do not know if the owner and the cashier are the same person.are the same person.

A cashier had just turned off the lights in the store when a man appeared A cashier had just turned off the lights in the store when a man appeared and demanded money. The owner opened a cash register. Everything inside and demanded money. The owner opened a cash register. Everything inside the register was scooped up, and the man then sped away. A member of the the register was scooped up, and the man then sped away. A member of the police force was notified promptly.police force was notified promptly.


The Cash Register Exercise:The Cash Register Exercise:A Possible AlternativeA Possible Alternative

Marco had just turned off the lights in the gift shop when his friend Carl Marco had just turned off the lights in the gift shop when his friend Carl

showed up and told Marco that he needed back $50 that he had lent to Marco showed up and told Marco that he needed back $50 that he had lent to Marco

last week. Carl wanted to go to a concert that night and needed money to buy a last week. Carl wanted to go to a concert that night and needed money to buy a


last week. Carl wanted to go to a concert that night and needed money to buy a last week. Carl wanted to go to a concert that night and needed money to buy a

ticket. Marco didn’t have any money, but asked Roberta, the store owner, if he ticket. Marco didn’t have any money, but asked Roberta, the store owner, if he

could get an advance on his next check. Roberta rolled her eyes, telling Marco could get an advance on his next check. Roberta rolled her eyes, telling Marco

that this was the last time she would give him an advance. Roberta then that this was the last time she would give him an advance. Roberta then

opened the register and took out $50 (all that was left after cashing out the opened the register and took out $50 (all that was left after cashing out the

drawer) and gave it to Marco. Marco handed the money to Carl, who ran out drawer) and gave it to Marco. Marco handed the money to Carl, who ran out

of the store in order to get to the concert on time. Marco thanked Roberta and of the store in order to get to the concert on time. Marco thanked Roberta and

went home for the evening. Roberta then called her husband Dave, the local went home for the evening. Roberta then called her husband Dave, the local

sheriff, and told him to come and pick her up, since her car was in the shop.sheriff, and told him to come and pick her up, since her car was in the shop.


Shopping List QuestionsShopping List Questions

ExamplesExamples

�� What do you hope the gain through mediation?What do you hope the gain through mediation?


�� What are you seeking?What are you seeking?

�� Do you have a specific resolution in mind?Do you have a specific resolution in mind?


Probing QuestionsProbing Questions

To Test Boundaries/LimitsTo Test Boundaries/Limits

Mediator:Mediator: I get the sense that there is another issue that we have not I get the sense that there is another issue that we have not

discussed. Is this accurate?discussed. Is this accurate?


discussed. Is this accurate?discussed. Is this accurate?

OROR

Mediator:Mediator: I heard you mention some difficult personal I heard you mention some difficult personal

circumstances. Would you be willing to share what those circumstances. Would you be willing to share what those

circumstances are. Are they relevant to this conflict?circumstances are. Are they relevant to this conflict?


Probing QuestionsProbing Questions

To Gather InformationTo Gather Information

Mediator:Mediator: At the beginning of this session you mentioned that this At the beginning of this session you mentioned that this


Mediator:Mediator: At the beginning of this session you mentioned that this At the beginning of this session you mentioned that this

took place on a Saturday, but I have heard you say took place on a Saturday, but I have heard you say

Friday several times since then. Could you please help Friday several times since then. Could you please help

clarify this for me?clarify this for me?


Painting a PicturePainting a Picture

ClosedClosed--Ended Questions (Details):Ended Questions (Details):

“John, you said this took place over the winter. “John, you said this took place over the winter.

OpenOpen--Ended Questions (Outline):Ended Questions (Outline):

“OK John, why don’t you begin by telling us “OK John, why don’t you begin by telling us

what brings you to mediation today.what brings you to mediation today.


OpenOpen--Ended Questions (gain motivation and feelings):Ended Questions (gain motivation and feelings):

John, you said that after this verbal exchange Julius filed a John, you said that after this verbal exchange Julius filed a

Complaint against you. What were your reactions to this? Complaint against you. What were your reactions to this?

“John, you said this took place over the winter. “John, you said this took place over the winter.

Do you remember exactly when this happened?Do you remember exactly when this happened?

(or to get definitions):(or to get definitions):

I heard you say that you want Julius to treat youI heard you say that you want Julius to treat you

with respect. Help me understand what thiswith respect. Help me understand what this

means. How does someone demonstrate thatmeans. How does someone demonstrate that

they respect you?they respect you?


Questioning CautionsQuestioning Cautions

�� Don’t bombard a disputant with questions or ask questions in a “rapid Don’t bombard a disputant with questions or ask questions in a “rapid

fire” formatfire” format

�� Be careful not to offer suggestions through questionsBe careful not to offer suggestions through questions

�� Remember to control the process and not the content; mediators who Remember to control the process and not the content; mediators who


�� Remember to control the process and not the content; mediators who Remember to control the process and not the content; mediators who

dominate with questions can minimize the involvement of the dominate with questions can minimize the involvement of the

disputantsdisputants

�� Be sensitive to cultural differences with respect to asking questionsBe sensitive to cultural differences with respect to asking questions

�� Be careful not to ask too many questions beginning with “Why”; these Be careful not to ask too many questions beginning with “Why”; these

questions tend to put disputants on the defensive and create questions tend to put disputants on the defensive and create

discomfort, as well as a feeling of being attackeddiscomfort, as well as a feeling of being attacked


Question:Question:

�� What did we learn today that was new information, What did we learn today that was new information,

or what did we learn today that alters our view of or what did we learn today that alters our view of


or what did we learn today that alters our view of or what did we learn today that alters our view of

something we had already learned?something we had already learned?




Party A Party B






An Introduction to theAn Introduction to the

Role Play ActivitiesRole Play Activities


Role Play ActivitiesRole Play Activities

Introduction to Role PlaysIntroduction to Role Plays

Demonstration Role PlayDemonstration Role Play

It is October. Pat and Chris are 19 year old sophomores It is October. Pat and Chris are 19 year old sophomores living together in Western Towers, an underclass residence living together in Western Towers, an underclass residence hall complex. Last year the two became friends as hall complex. Last year the two became friends as freshmen and decided to live together for their sophomore freshmen and decided to live together for their sophomore year. The two moved in together at the end of August and year. The two moved in together at the end of August and


year. The two moved in together at the end of August and year. The two moved in together at the end of August and have been living together for about seven weeks. Conflicts have been living together for about seven weeks. Conflicts have occurred between the two and their resident assistant have occurred between the two and their resident assistant has recommended that they enter mediation in order to has recommended that they enter mediation in order to avoid a judicial referral for violating the noise policy for an avoid a judicial referral for violating the noise policy for an argument that took place last weekend. Both have agreed argument that took place last weekend. Both have agreed to mediation, each arguing that the other person should to mediation, each arguing that the other person should move out of the room.move out of the room.


When mediating:When mediating:

�� Be patient with yourself; you are practicing a new skillBe patient with yourself; you are practicing a new skill

�� Trust the process; it is there for a reasonTrust the process; it is there for a reason

�� It is better to go slower than faster; be deliberate and don’t It is better to go slower than faster; be deliberate and don’t


�� It is better to go slower than faster; be deliberate and don’t It is better to go slower than faster; be deliberate and don’t

rush yourselfrush yourself

�� Recognize the artificial nature of this environmentRecognize the artificial nature of this environment

�� Remember that these role plays will generally be harder Remember that these role plays will generally be harder

than “real life” mediation sessionsthan “real life” mediation sessions

�� Have some fun; this is your chance to make some mistakes Have some fun; this is your chance to make some mistakes

without anyone being hurtwithout anyone being hurt


When mediating:When mediating:

�� When in doubt:When in doubt:

•• RESTATERESTATE


•• RESTATERESTATE

•• REFRAMEREFRAME

•• VALIDATEVALIDATE


When roleWhen role--playing:playing:

�� Play the character as outlined in your script; do not add Play the character as outlined in your script; do not add

complicating detailscomplicating details

�� Provide opportunities for the mediators to be successful Provide opportunities for the mediators to be successful


�� Provide opportunities for the mediators to be successful Provide opportunities for the mediators to be successful

when it does not conflict with your character’s interests when it does not conflict with your character’s interests

and needsand needs

�� Provide general details to fill in missing piecesProvide general details to fill in missing pieces

�� Be kind; you are mediating next!Be kind; you are mediating next!

Role Play ActivityRole Play Activity

Role Play #1Role Play #1

It is April. Chris and several college friends rent a house next door to the It is April. Chris and several college friends rent a house next door to the

Johnson’s, a couple in their late forties. The house is about two miles off Johnson’s, a couple in their late forties. The house is about two miles off

campus. In January, Chris and his/her housemates decided to buy a dog to campus. In January, Chris and his/her housemates decided to buy a dog to

have as a pet. The dog (a black Labrador retriever), although less than a year have as a pet. The dog (a black Labrador retriever), although less than a year

old, is already quite large. The dog is normally kept in the back yard on a old, is already quite large. The dog is normally kept in the back yard on a

leash, though it has occasionally gotten loose. Three weekends ago, Chris and leash, though it has occasionally gotten loose. Three weekends ago, Chris and

his/her housemates decided to have a party, inviting about twenty people over. his/her housemates decided to have a party, inviting about twenty people over.


his/her housemates decided to have a party, inviting about twenty people over. his/her housemates decided to have a party, inviting about twenty people over.

At 11:00 p.m. the police showed up, telling the students that there had been a At 11:00 p.m. the police showed up, telling the students that there had been a

neighborhood complaint. Then last week, the Johnson’s complained to the neighborhood complaint. Then last week, the Johnson’s complained to the

police that the dog barks constantly, annoying the Johnson’s both day and police that the dog barks constantly, annoying the Johnson’s both day and

night. Four days ago, Mr. Johnson screamed at one of Chris’ housemates night. Four days ago, Mr. Johnson screamed at one of Chris’ housemates

because the dog had pulled up his wife’s newly planted flowerbed. Mr. because the dog had pulled up his wife’s newly planted flowerbed. Mr.

Johnson told the housemate to get rid of the dog, or he would take care of it for Johnson told the housemate to get rid of the dog, or he would take care of it for

them. When asked what he meant, Mr. Johnson responded that he “didn’t own them. When asked what he meant, Mr. Johnson responded that he “didn’t own

a shotgun for nothing.” Mr. Johnson attempted to have disciplinary action a shotgun for nothing.” Mr. Johnson attempted to have disciplinary action

taken through the university judicial system, but mediation was offered taken through the university judicial system, but mediation was offered

instead. Both parties (Chris and Mr. Johnson) have agreed to meet.instead. Both parties (Chris and Mr. Johnson) have agreed to meet.




Party A Party B






Step Three: Defining The IssuesStep Three: Defining The Issues

A Sample DiscussionA Sample Discussion

Mediator:Mediator: So it sounds like the issues that you have jointly agreed So it sounds like the issues that you have jointly agreed

that need to be addressed are: where to park the cars that need to be addressed are: where to park the cars

and who is responsible for snow removal on the and who is responsible for snow removal on the

adjoining lot. Is that correct?adjoining lot. Is that correct?


Disputant B:Disputant B: Yes, that sounds right.Yes, that sounds right.

Disputant A:Disputant A: Well, I guess that’s OK. (shrugs shoulders)Well, I guess that’s OK. (shrugs shoulders)



Mediator:Mediator: (to Disputant A) You seem not to be certain about this. (to Disputant A) You seem not to be certain about this.

Am I not correct in my assessment of our discussion so Am I not correct in my assessment of our discussion so

far, or is there something else that you think needs to be far, or is there something else that you think needs to be

discussed?discussed?


Disputant A:Disputant A: Well, now that I think about it, I really am concerned Well, now that I think about it, I really am concerned

about one thing.about one thing.

Mediator:Mediator: And would you be comfortable sharing this concern?And would you be comfortable sharing this concern?



Disputant A:Disputant A: I guess so. (turns to Disputant B) I don’t mean to offend I guess so. (turns to Disputant B) I don’t mean to offend

you or anything, but it is pretty difficult to sit here and you or anything, but it is pretty difficult to sit here and

listen to you say that you are ready to negotiate in good listen to you say that you are ready to negotiate in good

faith.faith.


Disputant B:Disputant B: (surprised look) Why?(surprised look) Why?

Disputant A:Disputant A: Well, it’s one thing to make agreements and another to Well, it’s one thing to make agreements and another to

live up to your word, and I just don’t think that people live up to your word, and I just don’t think that people

who choose to use drugs can act with integrity. who choose to use drugs can act with integrity.

(Disputant B gets visibly angry)(Disputant B gets visibly angry)



Mediator:Mediator: (to Disputant A) You are concerned that people who (to Disputant A) You are concerned that people who

choose to use drugs might not always live up to their choose to use drugs might not always live up to their

agreements.agreements.

Disputant A:Disputant A: Yes.Yes.



Disputant B:Disputant B: What I do in my house is none of her damned business!What I do in my house is none of her damned business!

Mediator:Mediator: So you think the issue is unrelated?So you think the issue is unrelated?

Disputant B:Disputant B: Of course.Of course.



Mediator:Mediator: (to Disputant A) What if Disputant B was able to live up (to Disputant A) What if Disputant B was able to live up

to any agreement that was reached today. Would the to any agreement that was reached today. Would the

issue of drugs still be of concern to you then?issue of drugs still be of concern to you then?

Disputant A:Disputant A: Well of course I would still be concerned about what Well of course I would still be concerned about what


Disputant A:Disputant A: Well of course I would still be concerned about what Well of course I would still be concerned about what

people in my neighborhood choose to do, but to answer people in my neighborhood choose to do, but to answer

your question, no, I guess it’s possible for him to live up your question, no, I guess it’s possible for him to live up

to an agreement on these issues.to an agreement on these issues.

Mediator:Mediator: The issues I listed a moment ago?The issues I listed a moment ago?




Mediator:Mediator: (to Disputant A) So you are willing to attempt to resolve (to Disputant A) So you are willing to attempt to resolve these issues today without discussing the use of drugs?these issues today without discussing the use of drugs?

Disputant A:Disputant A: Yes, I am.Yes, I am.

Mediator:Mediator: (to Disputant B) Disputant A says she is willing to (to Disputant B) Disputant A says she is willing to


Mediator:Mediator: (to Disputant B) Disputant A says she is willing to (to Disputant B) Disputant A says she is willing to continue, but I understand that the issue she has raised is continue, but I understand that the issue she has raised is a sensitive one. Are you still willing to discuss these other a sensitive one. Are you still willing to discuss these other issues today?issues today?

Disputant A:Disputant A: Yes, I want to get this worked out.Yes, I want to get this worked out.

Mediator:Mediator: Excellent. I am glad you could both agree to this. Now Excellent. I am glad you could both agree to this. Now let’s proceed together.let’s proceed together.


The ExchangeThe Exchange

Purpose of the ExchangePurpose of the Exchange

�� Allows the disputants to provide missing informationAllows the disputants to provide missing information

�� Provides for open discussion between the disputantsProvides for open discussion between the disputants


�� Provides an opportunity for disputants to express feelingsProvides an opportunity for disputants to express feelings



Conditions for an ExchangeConditions for an Exchange

�� Have the disputants been communicating effectively with the Have the disputants been communicating effectively with the

mediator?mediator?

Have the disputants demonstrated that they will abide by the ground Have the disputants demonstrated that they will abide by the ground


�� Have the disputants demonstrated that they will abide by the ground Have the disputants demonstrated that they will abide by the ground

rules?rules?

�� Do one or both disputants seem to need to respond to information that Do one or both disputants seem to need to respond to information that

they have heard?they have heard?

�� Do one or both disputants seem to need to express some emotions that Do one or both disputants seem to need to express some emotions that

they might be feeling?they might be feeling?



Handling an ExchangeHandling an Exchange

�� Active RoleActive Role

�� Passive RolePassive Role



Tips For New MediatorsTips For New Mediators

�� Trust the processTrust the process

�� Allow uninterrupted timeAllow uninterrupted time

�� Play dumbPlay dumb

�� List the issuesList the issues


�� Keep the list short and manageableKeep the list short and manageable

�� State the issues generallyState the issues generally

�� Focus on negotiable issues onlyFocus on negotiable issues only

�� Ask if the list is acceptable and completeAsk if the list is acceptable and complete

�� RESTATE, REFRAME, VALIDATERESTATE, REFRAME, VALIDATE



It is mid November. Tina and Beth are roommates at an apartment off It is mid November. Tina and Beth are roommates at an apartment off

campus. Both are juniors and have been living together since the beginning of campus. Both are juniors and have been living together since the beginning of

their sophomore year. The two have been very close friends until recently. their sophomore year. The two have been very close friends until recently.

Recently, there have been some problems with Tina not paying bills on time Recently, there have been some problems with Tina not paying bills on time

and writing bad checks. The problem got much worse last week when the and writing bad checks. The problem got much worse last week when the


and writing bad checks. The problem got much worse last week when the and writing bad checks. The problem got much worse last week when the

telephone was shut off. Beth apparently confronted Tina with some telephone was shut off. Beth apparently confronted Tina with some

information she had found in Tina’s desk and the two got into a screaming information she had found in Tina’s desk and the two got into a screaming

match. Tina stormed out and the two have not spoken since. Beth has asked match. Tina stormed out and the two have not spoken since. Beth has asked

for mediation because she feels she has lost $200 to Tina.for mediation because she feels she has lost $200 to Tina.

Poisons in CommunicationPoisons in Communication

CommandsCommands

�� You should…You should…

�� You shouldn’t…You shouldn’t…

�� You will…You will…


�� You will…You will…

�� You can’t…You can’t…

�� You must…You must…


ComparisonsComparisons

�� You’re just like…You’re just like…

�� You’re not anything like…You’re not anything like…

�� (Third person) would never (or would always)…(Third person) would never (or would always)…


�� (Third person) would never (or would always)…(Third person) would never (or would always)…

�� If I were in your position…If I were in your position…


ExaggerationsExaggerations

�� Lots of times (or always)Lots of times (or always)

�� NeverNever

�� ConstantlyConstantly


�� ConstantlyConstantly

�� EverybodyEverybody

�� NobodyNobody

�� Six times (when it was actually two)Six times (when it was actually two)

�� Weeks or months (when it was actually days)Weeks or months (when it was actually days)


Other PoisonsOther Poisons

�� ShamingShaming

�� IgnoringIgnoring

�� NameName--callingcalling


�� NameName--callingcalling

�� ThreateningThreatening

�� BlamingBlaming

�� ContemptContempt

�� AngerAnger


Exercise: Laundering LanguageExercise: Laundering Language





(John speaking to Mediator) “Michael has to pay me $75 immediately, (John speaking to Mediator) “Michael has to pay me $75 immediately,

or I am going to take him to court.”or I am going to take him to court.”


ResponseResponse

John, it sounds like it is important for you to be repaid, and that you John, it sounds like it is important for you to be repaid, and that you

need the money soon. What kind of time constraints are you facing need the money soon. What kind of time constraints are you facing

right now?right now?

Would going to court accomplish what you are after?Would going to court accomplish what you are after?




(Marcia speaking to Mediator) “He doesn’t know anything about (Marcia speaking to Mediator) “He doesn’t know anything about

relationships. If he was like my new boyfriend, he would know what relationships. If he was like my new boyfriend, he would know what

trust and respect really meant.”trust and respect really meant.”


trust and respect really meant.”trust and respect really meant.”

ResponseResponse

Marcia, I hear that you value trust and respect in a relationship. How Marcia, I hear that you value trust and respect in a relationship. How

does someone show these qualities to you?does someone show these qualities to you?




(Juan speaking to Mediator) “This has been going on forever, and in (Juan speaking to Mediator) “This has been going on forever, and in

all this time he has never bothered to listen to a word that I have to all this time he has never bothered to listen to a word that I have to

say.”say.”


say.”say.”

ResponseResponse

Juan, I’m not sure what you mean by “forever”. When did this conflict Juan, I’m not sure what you mean by “forever”. When did this conflict

begin, and how have you tried to communicate your feelings to Brad? begin, and how have you tried to communicate your feelings to Brad?




(Keisha speaking to Disputant) “How dare you say that. You should (Keisha speaking to Disputant) “How dare you say that. You should

have your mouth washed out with soap.”have your mouth washed out with soap.”


ResponseResponse

Keisha, I sense that Barb’s last comment upset you. What is your Keisha, I sense that Barb’s last comment upset you. What is your

specific concern? specific concern?




(Claude speaking to Disputant) “If you say that one more time, I’m (Claude speaking to Disputant) “If you say that one more time, I’m

going to beat your ass.”going to beat your ass.”


ResponseResponse

Claude, in the beginning of this session we agreed that no threats Claude, in the beginning of this session we agreed that no threats

would be made and that inappropriate language would not be utilized. would be made and that inappropriate language would not be utilized.

Are you unwilling to continue under the ground rules that were Are you unwilling to continue under the ground rules that were

established? established?


Anger in MediationAnger in Mediation

Anger is:Anger is:

�� A physical or psychological defense against somethingA physical or psychological defense against something


�� A response to not getting what we wantA response to not getting what we want

�� A response to our belief that we are being violated in some wayA response to our belief that we are being violated in some way


Managing AngerManaging Anger

�� Check your own emotions and don’t get angryCheck your own emotions and don’t get angry

�� Acknowledge the anger (VALIDATE)Acknowledge the anger (VALIDATE)

�� Restate / ReframeRestate / Reframe


�� QuestionsQuestions

�� Take a breakTake a break

�� Move on to something elseMove on to something else

�� CaucusCaucus

�� End the mediationEnd the mediation

CaucusingCaucusing

Caucusing is useful:Caucusing is useful:

�� If mediator suspects that one or both disputants has an underlying If mediator suspects that one or both disputants has an underlying

issue or hidden agenda that is affecting the mediation sessionissue or hidden agenda that is affecting the mediation session

�� If it would be beneficial to separate the disputants because they are If it would be beneficial to separate the disputants because they are

angry, tense, or hostileangry, tense, or hostile


angry, tense, or hostileangry, tense, or hostile

�� If one disputant seems to willing to concede points and not state his or If one disputant seems to willing to concede points and not state his or

her own needs, or is having difficulty communicatingher own needs, or is having difficulty communicating

�� If the mediator senses that one disputant is intentionally blocking the If the mediator senses that one disputant is intentionally blocking the

mediation process and preventing progressmediation process and preventing progress

�� If the mediator senses that one disputant is dealing with an extremely If the mediator senses that one disputant is dealing with an extremely

sensitive or personal issuesensitive or personal issue

CaucusingCaucusing

Questions:Questions:

�� Do I need to review discrepancies in information? Do I need to review discrepancies in information?

�� Do I need to deDo I need to de--escalate anger of hostility that a disputant may be escalate anger of hostility that a disputant may be

feeling?feeling?

Do I need to explore hidden issues or agendas?Do I need to explore hidden issues or agendas?


�� Do I need to explore hidden issues or agendas?Do I need to explore hidden issues or agendas?

�� Do I need to confront behaviors or attitudes that are blocking the Do I need to confront behaviors or attitudes that are blocking the

process? process?

�� Do I need to determine how committed the disputants are to achieving Do I need to determine how committed the disputants are to achieving

a resolution?a resolution?

CaucusingCaucusing

The Process:The Process:

�� Discuss with your coDiscuss with your co--mediator whether or not a caucus is desired mediator whether or not a caucus is desired

�� If a caucus is desired, explain this decision to the disputants and If a caucus is desired, explain this decision to the disputants and

reiterate the rules of the caucusreiterate the rules of the caucus

The mediators keep one disputant in the room an assignment to work The mediators keep one disputant in the room an assignment to work


�� The mediators keep one disputant in the room an assignment to work The mediators keep one disputant in the room an assignment to work

on while he/she is waitingon while he/she is waiting

�� The mediators meet with the first disputant, taking notes that are The mediators meet with the first disputant, taking notes that are

separate from those notes taken in the joint session separate from those notes taken in the joint session

�� Ask the first disputant how she/he feels about the process and explore Ask the first disputant how she/he feels about the process and explore

any issues or concerns that the mediators may haveany issues or concerns that the mediators may have

�� Confirm if any information is to be shared with the other disputantConfirm if any information is to be shared with the other disputant

�� Repeat with other disputantRepeat with other disputant

CaucusingCaucusing

Building a bridge from caucus to joint sessionBuilding a bridge from caucus to joint session

Mediator: “Now that we are back in joint session, Chris, Mediator: “Now that we are back in joint session, Chris,

there is something that Ernie has been wanting to tell you, there is something that Ernie has been wanting to tell you,

but has been unable to do so for fear that you would but has been unable to do so for fear that you would

immediately judge him and not listen to his explanation. immediately judge him and not listen to his explanation.


immediately judge him and not listen to his explanation. immediately judge him and not listen to his explanation.

Would you be willing to allow Ernie to share this Would you be willing to allow Ernie to share this

information, as well as his explanation?”information, as well as his explanation?”

Chris: “Sure. I want to get to the bottom of this. What’s Chris: “Sure. I want to get to the bottom of this. What’s

going on?”going on?”

CaucusingCaucusing

A Sample CaucusA Sample Caucus

Mediator:Mediator: Carol, during the mediation session you have seemed angry Carol, during the mediation session you have seemed angry and I had to caution you several times about following the ground and I had to caution you several times about following the ground rules. Is everything okay? Are you still willing to continue?rules. Is everything okay? Are you still willing to continue?


Carol:Carol: Yes, everything is fine. I just can’t sit here listening to her lie Yes, everything is fine. I just can’t sit here listening to her lie like that.like that.

Mediator:Mediator: I understand that you want the truth to be told today, but I I understand that you want the truth to be told today, but I should remind you that I am not here to decide right and wrong.should remind you that I am not here to decide right and wrong.

Carol:Carol: Yeah, I know that.Yeah, I know that.

CaucusingCaucusing


Mediator:Mediator: That is helpful Carol, but the only way that mediation can That is helpful Carol, but the only way that mediation can work is when everyone says what they need to say, without fear of work is when everyone says what they need to say, without fear of being interrupted. As I mentioned, I have had to confront you on being interrupted. As I mentioned, I have had to confront you on several different occasions to allow Monique to speak.several different occasions to allow Monique to speak.

Carol:Carol: I’m sorry, but I get frustrated listening to her crap.I’m sorry, but I get frustrated listening to her crap.


Mediator:Mediator: I understand that, Carol, but I have to tell you that when I understand that, Carol, but I have to tell you that when you interrupt as you have been doing, it makes it difficult for Monique you interrupt as you have been doing, it makes it difficult for Monique to say what she needs to say and it makes it difficult for me to assist to say what she needs to say and it makes it difficult for me to assist both of you. I hope you understand that these interruptions need to both of you. I hope you understand that these interruptions need to stop. Can I count on you for this?stop. Can I count on you for this?

Carol:Carol: Yeah. I’ll stop. But aren’t you being a bit harsh, or violating Yeah. I’ll stop. But aren’t you being a bit harsh, or violating your neutrality or something?your neutrality or something?

CaucusingCaucusing


Mediator:Mediator: I am just reminding you that there are ground rules which I I am just reminding you that there are ground rules which I

need everyone to follow. If the ground rules cannot be followed after need everyone to follow. If the ground rules cannot be followed after

we come back together as a group, I may decide to terminate this we come back together as a group, I may decide to terminate this

session. I thought it would be more appropriate to talk to you about session. I thought it would be more appropriate to talk to you about


session. I thought it would be more appropriate to talk to you about session. I thought it would be more appropriate to talk to you about

this privately, rather than doing so in front of Monique.this privately, rather than doing so in front of Monique.

Carol:Carol: Okay, I appreciate that.Okay, I appreciate that.



Marcus is a sophomore student in Dr. Liz Epstein’s creative writing class. On Marcus is a sophomore student in Dr. Liz Epstein’s creative writing class. On

Marcus’ first two assignments, although he followed Dr. Epstein’s instructions Marcus’ first two assignments, although he followed Dr. Epstein’s instructions

explicitly, he received a D+ and a C. When Marcus approached Dr. Epstein, explicitly, he received a D+ and a C. When Marcus approached Dr. Epstein,

Dr. Epstein indicated that although Marcus followed the instructions, his Dr. Epstein indicated that although Marcus followed the instructions, his

writing did not show sufficient creativity and imagination. On the following writing did not show sufficient creativity and imagination. On the following


writing did not show sufficient creativity and imagination. On the following writing did not show sufficient creativity and imagination. On the following

assignment, Dr. Epstein was shocked to discover that Marcus had written a assignment, Dr. Epstein was shocked to discover that Marcus had written a

short story featuring a World War Two era Jewish creative writing instructor short story featuring a World War Two era Jewish creative writing instructor

who suffered hardships in a Nazi concentration camp. The story included a who suffered hardships in a Nazi concentration camp. The story included a

rather graphic physical description of the instructor, consistent with Dr. rather graphic physical description of the instructor, consistent with Dr.

Epstein’s appearance. The story also includes explicit depictions of forced Epstein’s appearance. The story also includes explicit depictions of forced

sexual activity. At the end of the story, Marcus included a comment to the sexual activity. At the end of the story, Marcus included a comment to the

instructor that said, “How’s this for creative…good thing it never happened.” instructor that said, “How’s this for creative…good thing it never happened.”

Dr. Epstein gave Marcus a failing grade on the assignment and referred the Dr. Epstein gave Marcus a failing grade on the assignment and referred the

case to the affirmative action officer. The affirmative action officer contacted case to the affirmative action officer. The affirmative action officer contacted

both disputants, and they agreed to attempt mediation. both disputants, and they agreed to attempt mediation.

Direct Challenges by DisputantsDirect Challenges by Disputants



Challenges to NonChallenges to Non--partisanshippartisanship

Disputant:Disputant: People like us… (implying that the mediator is People like us… (implying that the mediator is included)included)

Mediator:Mediator: You are saying that you have found…You are saying that you have found…


Disputant:Disputant: Don’t you think that anyone would…?Don’t you think that anyone would…?

Mediator:Mediator: How do you see it?How do you see it?

Disputant:Disputant: Do you listen to your music loud?Do you listen to your music loud?

Mediator:Mediator: My experiences are not relevant to your My experiences are not relevant to your dispute. What has your experience been?dispute. What has your experience been?


Challenges to NonChallenges to Non--directivenessdirectiveness

Disputant:Disputant: What do you think we should do?What do you think we should do?

Mediator:Mediator: I think you should decide what best meets your needs.I think you should decide what best meets your needs.

What options do you think you have?What options do you think you have?

Review Ground RulesReview Ground Rules

Disputant:Disputant: It’s a fair offer, isn’t it?It’s a fair offer, isn’t it?

Mediator:Mediator: I don’t have an opinion on that. What do you think?I don’t have an opinion on that. What do you think?


Mediator:Mediator: I don’t have an opinion on that. What do you think?I don’t have an opinion on that. What do you think?

Does the offer meet your needs?Does the offer meet your needs?

Do you think it’s a fair offer?Do you think it’s a fair offer?

I am not here to determine what is and isn’t fair.I am not here to determine what is and isn’t fair.

Disputant:Disputant: Shouldn’t Al do that?Shouldn’t Al do that?

Mediator:Mediator: Al, what do you think?Al, what do you think?

Let’s ask Al.Let’s ask Al.

Do you think Al should do that?Do you think Al should do that?


Challenges to NonChallenges to Non--involvement with Contentinvolvement with Content

Disputant:Disputant: Shouldn’t I be concerned about this…?Shouldn’t I be concerned about this…?

Mediator:Mediator: You clearly seem concerned about this.You clearly seem concerned about this.

Are you concerned about this?Are you concerned about this?


What is your concern?What is your concern?

Disputant:Disputant: Don’t you think this is a big issue?Don’t you think this is a big issue?

Mediator:Mediator: Do you think it is a big issue?Do you think it is a big issue?

That is for you to decide.That is for you to decide.


Challenges to Being NonChallenges to Being Non--judgmentaljudgmental

Disputant:Disputant: See what I mean? They’re all alike.See what I mean? They’re all alike.

Mediator:Mediator: What do you mean by that?What do you mean by that?


Disputant:Disputant: Don’t you think she’s acting a little weird?Don’t you think she’s acting a little weird?

Mediator:Mediator: I’m not sure what you mean by “weird.”I’m not sure what you mean by “weird.”

What do you mean by that?What do you mean by that?


Challenges to CredibilityChallenges to Credibility

Disputant:Disputant: You’re just a student. What do you know You’re just a student. What do you know about…?about…?

Mediator:Mediator: Tell me what you think I need to know.Tell me what you think I need to know.

Whatever you explain to me today.Whatever you explain to me today.

Disputant:Disputant: Are you planning to be a lawyer or counselor orAre you planning to be a lawyer or counselor or


Disputant:Disputant: Are you planning to be a lawyer or counselor orAre you planning to be a lawyer or counselor orsomething?something?

Mediator:Mediator: I am a mediator. You are both the experts about your I am a mediator. You are both the experts about your situation.situation.

Disputant:Disputant: What are your credentials?What are your credentials?

Mediator:Mediator: I am a mediator for the university, trained by certified I am a mediator for the university, trained by certified mediators. What is your concern?mediators. What is your concern?


Challenges to Control of the ProcessChallenges to Control of the Process

Disputant:Disputant: I want to meet individually right now.I want to meet individually right now.

Mediator:Mediator: I will meet with you both when it seems I will meet with you both when it seems helpful, but first I need to…helpful, but first I need to…


Disputant:Disputant: They can go first.They can go first.

I demand to go first.I demand to go first.

Mediator:Mediator: As a matter of habit, I always begin to my As a matter of habit, I always begin to my left/right.left/right.


Challenges to Control of the ProcessChallenges to Control of the Process

Disputant:Disputant: Inappropriate physical behavior (stands up, rolls eyes, sighs Inappropriate physical behavior (stands up, rolls eyes, sighs heavily, laughs, etc.)heavily, laughs, etc.)

Mediator:Mediator: DeDe--escalate by acknowledging concerns of the disputantescalate by acknowledging concerns of the disputant

Reiterate that each disputant will have an opportunity to talk Reiterate that each disputant will have an opportunity to talk in turnin turn

Review ground rulesReview ground rules


Review ground rulesReview ground rules

Indicate the difficulty that the behavior createsIndicate the difficulty that the behavior creates

Confront through caucusConfront through caucus

Take a breakTake a break

Terminate the mediationTerminate the mediation

Disputant:Disputant: You aren’t treating me with respect.You aren’t treating me with respect.

Mediator:Mediator: What leads you to say this?What leads you to say this?

Terminating a Mediation SessionTerminating a Mediation Session



Conditions for TerminationConditions for Termination

�� the mediator becomes aware of felonythe mediator becomes aware of felony--level criminal level criminal

activityactivity

�� the mediator becomes aware of any type of child abusethe mediator becomes aware of any type of child abuse

the ground rules have been consistently ignored by one or the ground rules have been consistently ignored by one or


�� the ground rules have been consistently ignored by one or the ground rules have been consistently ignored by one or

both disputantsboth disputants

�� threats of violence or harassment are made by any partythreats of violence or harassment are made by any party

�� the mediator feels that one or both disputants is no longer the mediator feels that one or both disputants is no longer

acting in good faithacting in good faith

�� one or both disputants walks out of the sessionone or both disputants walks out of the session


Tips for TerminationTips for Termination

�� When coWhen co--mediating, always discuss the decision to mediating, always discuss the decision to terminate with your partner prior to announcing a terminate with your partner prior to announcing a termination.termination.

�� Never demonstrate anger, or allow the disputants to see Never demonstrate anger, or allow the disputants to see that you are taking the situation personally. Maintain the that you are taking the situation personally. Maintain the


that you are taking the situation personally. Maintain the that you are taking the situation personally. Maintain the same tone of voice you have used throughout the session.same tone of voice you have used throughout the session.

�� State the reason that you are terminating the session to State the reason that you are terminating the session to both disputants in a clear and firm voice. Take ownership both disputants in a clear and firm voice. Take ownership of the decision and do not negotiate with the disputants.of the decision and do not negotiate with the disputants.

�� Place the responsibility for the action where it belongs. Do Place the responsibility for the action where it belongs. Do not apologize for your decision.not apologize for your decision.

Terminating a Mediation SessionTerminating a Mediation SessionTips for Termination, continued…Tips for Termination, continued…

�� State the consequences of your decision. In cases of felony State the consequences of your decision. In cases of felony behavior or child abuse, indicate to the disputants that behavior or child abuse, indicate to the disputants that you are required to report this information to your you are required to report this information to your mediation supervisor. If these conditions do not exist, mediation supervisor. If these conditions do not exist, indicate to the disputants how they may go about indicate to the disputants how they may go about reinitiating the mediation process if later desired.reinitiating the mediation process if later desired.

If possible and desired, develop a partial agreement over If possible and desired, develop a partial agreement over


�� If possible and desired, develop a partial agreement over If possible and desired, develop a partial agreement over any points that have been successfully resolved by the any points that have been successfully resolved by the disputants.disputants.

�� End on a positive note. This may seem difficult to do, but End on a positive note. This may seem difficult to do, but even in the worst mediation sessions it does no good to even in the worst mediation sessions it does no good to leave the disputants feeling that the situation is hopeless. leave the disputants feeling that the situation is hopeless. Even if future mediation is out of the question, you may Even if future mediation is out of the question, you may wish to review other options that the disputants may wish to review other options that the disputants may pursue.pursue.

Terminating a Mediation SessionTerminating a Mediation SessionSample TerminationSample Termination

Situation: Mike and Darice are involved in a mediation session to assist Situation: Mike and Darice are involved in a mediation session to assist them in resolving a dating relationship dispute. Mike has been them in resolving a dating relationship dispute. Mike has been continuously disorderly since Darice indicated her desire to cease the continuously disorderly since Darice indicated her desire to cease the dating relationship. Mike is making angry comments towards Darice dating relationship. Mike is making angry comments towards Darice and the mediator interrupts.and the mediator interrupts.

�� Mediator:Mediator: “Mike, I must interrupt and ask both of you for your “Mike, I must interrupt and ask both of you for your


�� Mediator:Mediator: “Mike, I must interrupt and ask both of you for your “Mike, I must interrupt and ask both of you for your attention. As you know, my role here is to assist both of you, and I attention. As you know, my role here is to assist both of you, and I have attempted to remain objective and neutral throughout this have attempted to remain objective and neutral throughout this session. I reviewed the ground rules with both of you at the beginning session. I reviewed the ground rules with both of you at the beginning of this session and reminded you of them several times when there of this session and reminded you of them several times when there were interruptions and name calling. Mike, your continuous were interruptions and name calling. Mike, your continuous interruptions and sarcastic comments throughout the session interruptions and sarcastic comments throughout the session demonstrate to me that you are not acting in good faith in this demonstrate to me that you are not acting in good faith in this process. I am unable to effectively carry out my responsibilities, and process. I am unable to effectively carry out my responsibilities, and am therefore terminating this session.”am therefore terminating this session.”


Sample TerminationSample Termination

�� Mike:Mike: “You can’t do that!”“You can’t do that!”

�� Mediator:Mediator: “You will recall that during the introductory statement I “You will recall that during the introductory statement I

made it clear that I do have this authority. I am now made it clear that I do have this authority. I am now

choosing to exercise it. There will be no negotiation of choosing to exercise it. There will be no negotiation of

this decision and I will report the reasons for this this decision and I will report the reasons for this


this decision and I will report the reasons for this this decision and I will report the reasons for this

termination to my supervisor. You may then address any termination to my supervisor. You may then address any

concerns that you may have about me with her.”concerns that you may have about me with her.”

�� Mike:Mike: “Aw, come on….I’ll be good from now on.”“Aw, come on….I’ll be good from now on.”

�� Mediator:Mediator: “You have had sufficient opportunities to demonstrate “You have had sufficient opportunities to demonstrate

your good faith and have failed to do so.”your good faith and have failed to do so.”


Sample TerminationSample Termination

�� Darice:Darice: “So where does this leave me? He has been “So where does this leave me? He has been harassing me for over a month.”harassing me for over a month.”

�� Mike:Mike: (yelling) “I have not been harassing you!”(yelling) “I have not been harassing you!”

�� Mediator:Mediator: “I will be happy to assist both of you in making an “I will be happy to assist both of you in making an appointment with my supervisor to review your options. appointment with my supervisor to review your options. Darice, it is my understanding that because this case is a Darice, it is my understanding that because this case is a


Darice, it is my understanding that because this case is a Darice, it is my understanding that because this case is a deferral of disciplinary action, charges may now be deferral of disciplinary action, charges may now be initiated through the dean’s office.”initiated through the dean’s office.”

�� Darice:Darice: “Okay.”“Okay.”

�� Mediator:Mediator: (to both) “Although I am disappointed by today’s (to both) “Although I am disappointed by today’s outcome, I am encouraged by the fact that you had both outcome, I am encouraged by the fact that you had both entered the mediation process in the first place. If future entered the mediation process in the first place. If future opportunities can be used in a more responsible manner, opportunities can be used in a more responsible manner, I am sure you will make better progress. Thank you for I am sure you will make better progress. Thank you for coming."coming."

The AgreementThe Agreement



Formatting the Agreement:Formatting the Agreement:

�� Separate the agreement into its individual components.Separate the agreement into its individual components.

Do not write a narrative.Do not write a narrative.

�� Avoid using terms like “respondent,” “complainant,” or “accused” Avoid using terms like “respondent,” “complainant,” or “accused” when referring to the disputants. Cite the disputants by name. Be when referring to the disputants. Cite the disputants by name. Be sure to level the playing field by referring to disputants on equal sure to level the playing field by referring to disputants on equal


sure to level the playing field by referring to disputants on equal sure to level the playing field by referring to disputants on equal terms (e.g., John and Mary, terms (e.g., John and Mary, notnot John and Dr. Mary Smith).John and Dr. Mary Smith).

�� Write out all dates and dollar amounts.Write out all dates and dollar amounts.

�� Be specific. Do not use terms such as “to be provided at a mutually Be specific. Do not use terms such as “to be provided at a mutually agreeable time.” The disputants should record all specific agreeable time.” The disputants should record all specific information in the agreement.information in the agreement.

�� Do not place blame in the agreement.Do not place blame in the agreement.

�� Avoid nebulous terms (e.g., soon).Avoid nebulous terms (e.g., soon).


Formatting the Agreement:Formatting the Agreement:

�� Agreements involving the transfer of money should be Agreements involving the transfer of money should be highly specific, noting the form of payment, deadline highly specific, noting the form of payment, deadline date, reason for payment, and addressing of payment.date, reason for payment, and addressing of payment.

�� Provide safety nets. Provide safety nets.


�� Provide safety nets. Provide safety nets.

�� If a disputant agrees to undergo counseling, this should If a disputant agrees to undergo counseling, this should be reflected in the agreement.be reflected in the agreement.

�� Avoid legalese.Avoid legalese.

�� Use the language of the disputants.Use the language of the disputants.

�� Both disputants should sign the agreement and be Both disputants should sign the agreement and be provided with a copy at the end of the session.provided with a copy at the end of the session.


A Sample Agreement: Example #1A Sample Agreement: Example #1

Agreement between John Carter and Dr. Mary SmithAgreement between John Carter and Dr. Mary Smith

�� John will pay Dr. Smith for the replacement of the window that he John will pay Dr. Smith for the replacement of the window that he broke last month while he was drunk. He will make sure that the broke last month while he was drunk. He will make sure that the window is replaced up to Dr. Smith’s standards.window is replaced up to Dr. Smith’s standards.


window is replaced up to Dr. Smith’s standards.window is replaced up to Dr. Smith’s standards.

�� The aforementioned John agrees to take care of replacing the The aforementioned John agrees to take care of replacing the window as soon as possible.window as soon as possible.

�� John agrees not to host more than one party a month at his house John agrees not to host more than one party a month at his house and will let Dr. Smith know in advance when there will be a party. and will let Dr. Smith know in advance when there will be a party. Dr. Smith will allow him to host this party as long as it ends at a Dr. Smith will allow him to host this party as long as it ends at a reasonable hour and does not get too loud. John must control his reasonable hour and does not get too loud. John must control his guests at all times.guests at all times.

�� Dr. Smith won’t call the police immediately if the party gets loud, but Dr. Smith won’t call the police immediately if the party gets loud, but will give John one chance to correct the problem.will give John one chance to correct the problem.


A Sample Agreement: Example #2 A Sample Agreement: Example #2

Agreement between John Carter and Mary SmithAgreement between John Carter and Mary Smith

�� Mary Smith and John Carter agree that there needs to be better Mary Smith and John Carter agree that there needs to be better communication between the two of them regarding parties that occur communication between the two of them regarding parties that occur at John’s house.at John’s house.


at John’s house.at John’s house.

�� John agrees to hold no more than one party per month at his house John agrees to hold no more than one party per month at his house and will end each party before midnight. He will communicate his and will end each party before midnight. He will communicate his intent to have a party to Mary at least two days prior to the party, intent to have a party to Mary at least two days prior to the party, and will do so by visiting her at home.and will do so by visiting her at home.

�� Mary agrees to let John know if there are any special concerns she Mary agrees to let John know if there are any special concerns she has related to the party, communicating these concerns to John when has related to the party, communicating these concerns to John when he visits.he visits.

�� John agrees to keep the noise of the party to a level where it can not John agrees to keep the noise of the party to a level where it can not be clearly heard in Mary’s house.be clearly heard in Mary’s house.


A Sample Agreement: Example #2, continued A Sample Agreement: Example #2, continued

Agreement between John Carter and Mary SmithAgreement between John Carter and Mary Smith

�� Mary agrees to let John know if the party is getting too loud by Mary agrees to let John know if the party is getting too loud by calling him and informing him of the noise level. Mary also agrees to calling him and informing him of the noise level. Mary also agrees to let John visit so that he can hear the noise level.let John visit so that he can hear the noise level.


let John visit so that he can hear the noise level.let John visit so that he can hear the noise level.

�� John agrees to answer the phone during parties and not let the John agrees to answer the phone during parties and not let the answering machine take the call.answering machine take the call.

�� John agrees that if Mary can not reach him and the noise level is John agrees that if Mary can not reach him and the noise level is deemed by Mary to be too loud, Mary may contact the police.deemed by Mary to be too loud, Mary may contact the police.

�� John agrees to reimburse Mary for the cost of the broken window. John agrees to reimburse Mary for the cost of the broken window. He will pay Mary $75 in cash by no later than February 3. He will He will pay Mary $75 in cash by no later than February 3. He will hand deliver this payment in person to Mary’s house. If John can not hand deliver this payment in person to Mary’s house. If John can not make the payment on time, he agrees to contact the mediation make the payment on time, he agrees to contact the mediation program to request an extension.program to request an extension.



It is early March. Jeff and Barb dated throughout the fall It is early March. Jeff and Barb dated throughout the fall

semester and into the spring. About three weeks ago, Jeff semester and into the spring. About three weeks ago, Jeff and Barb got into an argument and Barb told Jeff that he and Barb got into an argument and Barb told Jeff that he


and Barb got into an argument and Barb told Jeff that he and Barb got into an argument and Barb told Jeff that he wanted to end the relationship. According to Barb’s wanted to end the relationship. According to Barb’s complaint, Jeff indicated a lack of willingness to end the complaint, Jeff indicated a lack of willingness to end the relationship. To complicate matters, the two share a relationship. To complicate matters, the two share a history class and have been assigned to present a group history class and have been assigned to present a group project together. It is too late to switch groups (each group project together. It is too late to switch groups (each group has four students) and the project is worth thirty percent has four students) and the project is worth thirty percent of the final grade.of the final grade.

Wrap UpWrap Up

PARKING LOT (JOINT SESSION)PARKING LOT (JOINT SESSION)

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EvaluationsEvaluations

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