mastering legal writing - seattle washington - 02...mastering legal writing june 8-10, 2016 | 18.0...

Mastering Legal Writing June 8-10, 2016 | 18.0 General CLE Credits

WSBA Activity ID #1010092

PowerPoint Handouts Table of Contents

Module 1 – First Impressions

Module 2 – Audience, Purpose and

Conventions

Module 3 – Large Scale Organization

Module 4 – Roadmaps, Topic Sentences,

Signposts and Transitions

Module 5 – Effective Sentences Part I

Module 6 – Effective Sentences Part II

Module 7 – Writing Concisely

Module 8 – Writing Precisely

Module 9 – Plain Language and Legalese

Module 10 – Gender-Neutral and Bias-Free

Language

Module 11 – Pronouns

Module 12 – Parallelism

Module 13 – Modifiers

Module 14 – Commas

Module 15 – Semicolons

Module 16 – Apostrophes (Possessive)

Module 17 – Writing Persuasively

Module 18 – Style

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c 2014 Laurel Currie Oates & Anne Enquist

First Impressions


First Impressions

• As you read the following letters, what images come to mind?

• How old is the attorney?

• What is the attorney wearing?

• What does the attorney’s office look like?

• How does the attorney treat the staff in his office?

• Would you hire the attorney?

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Audience, Purpose, and Conventions


Reader-Based Writing

• While some types of writing are writer based, legal writing is reader based.

• Thus, before you begin a writing project, ask yourself the following questions:

1. Who is my audience?2. What is my purpose?3. What are the conventions and/or rules that

govern this type of writing?

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Letters

• Who is your audience?

• What is your purpose?

• What are the conventions?

Hypotheticals

• The first letter is to an individual who wants to know whether he can sue his employer for terminating him from his job as a security guard after he missed work because he had to care for his son, who was sick.

• The second letter is to the head of Human Resources at a large corporation who wants to know whether the corporation is potentially liable because it terminated a security guard who missed work because he had to care for his son, who was sick.


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Memos





Questions

• In what ways are letters and legal memoranda similar?

• In what ways are they different?

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Briefs




Tricks of the Trade

• What strategies have you developed that help you keep your audience, your purpose, and the conventions in mind as you write?


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The Writing Process


The Writing Process

The writing process usually involves four stages:

Prewriting Drafting Revising Editing Fact gathering Focus on large- Focus on Focus on Legal research scale organization presenting grammar. Identifying and content information punctuation,

audience and clearly and and citation purpose concisely


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The Writing Process

Prewriting

Editing Drafting

Revising


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Large-Scale Organization

C2016 Laurel Currie Oates

The Big Picture

• Good writing starts with good content and good organization.


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Content

• Because this course is a course in effective writing, we do not spend much time talking about content.

• For example, in the following examples we assume that the writer located and understood the applicable law and how it applied to the client’s case.


Content

We do, however, offer the following general advice.

• Keep in mind that there are many different types of projects.

• Sometimes, you will need to write a brief, letter, or other document that involves an area of law in which you are well versed. For instance, if you are a prosecutor or a defense attorney you may need to write yet another brief in support or in opposition to a motion to suppress.

• At other times, you will be asked to write a document in an area of law about which you know very little.


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Content

• When you are well-versed in the area of law, you have a conceptual structure that you can use to guide you in updating your research or locating a case that has facts similar to yours.

• In addition, you have a conceptual structure that you can use to guide you in organizing your discussion of the law or in setting out your arguments. Put differently, you know the steps in the analysis and you can organize the discussion or arguments to reflect those steps.


Content

• When you don’t know the area of law, the process is more time consuming and more complicated.

• When possible, start by doing background reading in a practice book or, if the case is governed by a federal statute, a government website.

• In doing this background reading, your goal is to locate the applicable law and to identify the type of analysis that the law requires. Does the law require an elements analysis, the weighing of factors, or the balancing of competing interests?


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The Types of Analysis

Most, but not all, legal issues require one of the following types of analysis:

• An elements analysis

• A multi-part test

• A factor analysis

• The balancing of competing interests

• An issue of first impression


The Building Blocks


Facts

Issues

Rules

Specific Rules

General Rules

ApplicationAnalysisArguments

Conclusions

Analogous Cases

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An Elements Analysis

• You will need to do an elements analysis when the governing law sets out a list of elements or requirements.

• The governing law might be a statute, regulation, ordinance, common law rule, or court rule.

• The governing law may set out the elements explicitly, or you may have to infer that the law requires an elements analysis.



• Sometimes it will be clear how many elements there are: The statute, regulations, ordinance, common law rule, or court rule will number the elements.

• At other times, you will need to decide how many elements there are. In such instances, use common sense in determining whether to discuss requirements as separate elements or whether to combine them and discuss them as a single element.


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• You will also need to decide in what order to discuss the elements. In making this decision, consider the following:

1. Whether one element builds logically on another element,

2. Whether the courts typically discuss the elements in a particular order, and

3. Whether one or more of the elements are not in dispute.



1. If one element builds logically on another element, discuss the foundational element or elements first.

2. If the courts typically discuss the elements in a particular order, discuss the elements in that order.

3. If one or more of the elements are not in dispute, consider “raising and dismissing” those elements before discussing the element or elements that are in dispute.


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Example 1

• Does the following statute require an elements analysis? If it does, what are the elements and in what order would you discuss those elements?


Example 1

Text of Statute:

A person is guilty of the crime of failing to summon assistance if:

(1) He or she was present when a crime was committed against another person; and

(2) He or she knows that the other person has suffered substantial bodily harm as a result of the crime committed against the other person and that the other person is in need of assistance; and

(3) He or she could reasonably summon assistance for the person in need without danger to himself or herself and without interference with an important duty owed to a third party; and

(4) He or she fails to summon assistance for the person in need; and

5) Another person is not summoning or has not summoned assistance for the person in need of such assistance.


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Answer

• This statute requires an elements analysis. A person is guilty of the crime of failing to summon assistance only when all five of the listed elements, or requirements, are met.

• Note that some of the elements have more than one part. For example, for the second element to be met, the defendant must know both• (a) that the other person has suffered substantial bodily harm

as a result of the crime committed against the other person and• (b) that the other person is in need of assistance.


Answer

• Likewise, the third element also sets out more than one requirement: The defendant must have been able to reasonably summon assistance for the person in need (a) without danger to himself or herself and (b) without interference with an important duty owed to a third party.

• As a general rule, do not change the way in which the legislative body listed the elements. Do not list more elements. Instead, in discussing a particular element, let your readers know that the element has more than one part and then discuss all of those parts.


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Answer

• In this instance, the I would discuss the elements in the order in which they are listed in the statute: The legislative body has, in effect, listed the elements in chronological order.

• I might, however, discuss any undisputed elements at the end of the general rule section, raising and dismissing those elements and then moving on to the elements that are in dispute.


Answer

Option 1

• Introduce statute• Quote the applicable part of the

statute • Set out roadmap telling reader

which elements the State can easily prove and which will more difficult to prove

A. Discuss first element B. Discuss second elementC. Discuss third elementD. Discuss fourth elementE. Discuss fifth element

Option 2

• Introduce statute

• Quote the applicable part of the statute

• Set out one or more paragraphs raising and dismissing the elements that the State can prove. (Assume that the State can prove the first, fourth, and fifth elements.)

A. Discuss second element

B. Discuss third element


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Example 2

• Does the following common law rule require an elements analysis? If it does, what are the elements and in what order should you discuss those elements?


Example 2

Common law rule:

• To establish title through adverse possession, the party seeking title must establish that its possession has been (1) open and notorious, (2) actual and uninterrupted, (3) exclusive, and (4) hostile for the period established by the statute, which in this case is 10 years.


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Example 3

• Does the following statute require an elements analysis? If it does, what are the elements and in what order would you discuss those elements?


Example 3

Text of Statute:

Service of original process is made by delivering a copy of it to the person to be served with a copy of the complaint, petition, or other initial pleading or paper or by leaving the copies at his or her usual place of abode with any person residing therein who is 15 years of age or older and informing the person of their contents.


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Example 4

Does the following common law rule require an elements analysis? If it does, what are the elements and in what order would you discuss those elements?


Example 4

To prevail on their negligence claim, plaintiffs must show that the defendant owed them a legal duty, that it breached that duty, and that the breach was a proximate or legal cause of their injuries.


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• Sometimes you will be asked or will need to analyze all of the elements. In this situation, you will typically organize your discussion of the law as follows:

• Presume that there are three elements.


Organizational Scheme for Issue Involving an Elements Analysis

• Introduce applicable law. • List elements.• Set out other rules that apply to all of the elements, for

example, the rules governing the burden of proof. • Provide readers with roadmap.

1. Discuss first element.

2. Discuss second element.

3. Discuss third element.


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Disputed and Disputed Elements

• What you say about an element depends on whether that element is or is not likely to be in dispute.


Element is Not in Dispute

• An element not likely to be in dispute when both parties agree that the element is met or that the element is not met.

• If the element is not in dispute, all you need to do is identify the element, set out any rules that are used to determine if the element is or is not met, and apply those rules to the facts of your case.


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1. First element. (Presume that element is not in dispute.)

• Set out applicable rule(s).• Apply applicable rule(s). Put differently, set out your

conclusion and reasoning.



• In the alternative, you can discuss the undisputed element or elements as part of the roadmap that is at the end of the introductory/general rule section.


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• As part of roadmap, “raise and dismiss” undisputed element or elements. When you raise and dismiss an element, you explain why the element is or is not met.

1. Discuss second element.

2. Discuss third element.


Factor Analysis

• Element (in dispute)• Specific rules, including list of factors

• Discussion of first factor (not in dispute)• Rule• Application

• Discussion of second factor (in dispute)• Rule• Analogous cases• Application/Analysis/Arguments• Conclusion

• Discussion of third factor (not in dispute)• Rule• Application

• Balancing of factors

•C2016 Laurel Currie Oates

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Balancing of Competing Interests

• General Rule • Introduce and describe interests

(e.g. probative v. prejudicial)

• Discuss First Interest • Specific Rules• Application/Analysis/Arguments

• Discuss Second Interest • Specific rules• Application/Analysis/Arguments

• Balancing • Specific rules• Analogous cases• Application/Analysis/Arguments• Conclusion


Examples

• See handouts


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Roadmaps, Topic Sentences, Signposts, and Transitions

c 2016 Laurel Currie Oates

Roadmaps


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Roadmaps

A roadmap is just what the term implies: a “map” providing the reader with an overview of the document or a section of the document.


Roadmap

In this memorandum, we will examine three issues. First, we will look at whether the statute applies. If we find that it does not, then we will look at whether the defendant has an easement. If we find that an easement was created, we will then examine the scope of the easement.


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Roadmap

Our client would like to prevent or limit the use of a path across his property by the defendant. A statute exists that provides for public recreational use, while protecting the owner’s interest in his land, and we will argue that it applies to this case. The defendant will contend that the statute does not apply and that a prescriptive easement exists. If a prescriptive easement does exist, our client wants to limit the scope of its use.


Roadmap

In deciding this case, a court will consider three issues. The court will first determine whether the statute applies. If it does not, the court will then determine whether the defendant has an easement. If the court determines that the defendant has an easement, the court will then decide the scope of the easement.


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Roadmap

In this case, Ms. Olsen may be able to present clear and convincing evidence that the petition was not left at her usual place of abode. However, if the court decides that the petition was left at her usual place of abode, Ms. Olsen will have to concede that the summons was left with a person 15 years or older who was residing at the house where service was made. In addition, although Ms. Olsen can argue that her sister was not informed of the contents of the documents, it is unlikely that she can meet her burden of proof.


Roadmaps

• While the most common place for a roadmap is at the beginning of the document, you can use roadmaps in other places.

• For instance, the next example comes from near the end of a letter to a client.

• In the letter, the writer summarizes the facts and the law and then uses this roadmap to set up a discussion of the client’s options and the advantages and disadvantages of each option.


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Roadmap from the middle of aletter to a client

In this instance, you have two options. You can try to renegotiate the contract on more favorable terms, or you can default. The following paragraphs set out the pros and cons of each option.


Summary

We end this set of slides with three points. First, in some instances, a topic sentence acts as a roadmap. Look, for example, at the first sentence in this paragraph. The sentence “We end this set of slides with three points” is not only the topic sentence but also a roadmap. Second, while you want to include enough roadmaps, do not include more than the reader needs. If a roadmap would help the reader, include one. If it wouldn’t, don’t. Third, make sure that you fulfill the promises that you make in your roadmap. If you say that you are going to make three points, make three points.


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Topic Sentences



Topic Sentences

Topic sentences tell the reader what to expect from the paragraph. In addition, many good topic sentences explain the relationship between the prior paragraph and the new paragraph.

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Stated Topics Sentences

Ms. Olsen can make three arguments to support her assertion that her sister’s house was not her usual place of abode. First, Ms. Olsen will argue that, under the plain language of the statute, her sister’s house was not her usual place of abode. As the courts have stated, service must be made at the place where the defendant was actually living at the time the summons and complaint were served. In this case, the summons and complaint were served on a weekday, and on weekdays Ms. Olsen was actually living at the residential treatment house.



Topic Sentences

• Although not all paragraphs have stated topics sentences, most well-written paragraphs do, and those that do not have implied topic sentences.

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Implied Topic Sentences

• You will often use an implied topic sentence for the paragraphs in your statement of facts. Although you do not have a sentence that names the topic, the topic of the paragraph is clear.


Implied Topic Sentence

Beginning in July 2015, Ms. Olsen began spending less time at the treatment house and more time with her sister, Elizabeth Webster, who is 32. Both Ms. Olsen’s sister and the manager of the halfway house will testify that, during July and August 2015, Ms. Olsen spent weeknights at the treatment house and Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights at her sister’s house. Because she was spending time at her sister’s house, Ms. Olsen moved some of her clothing and personal effects into her sister’s house.

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Signposts


Signposts

• Signposts are like road signs that announce curves or changes in direction.

• They tell your reader that you are moving from one part of your discussion to another, from one argument to another, or from one option to another.


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Signposts

Perhaps the most common type of signposts are words like “first,” “second,” and “third,” which move your reader through your points one by one.


Signposts

• However, other words and phrases can also act as signposts: For instance, the phrase “in this case” announces that you are moving from setting out the law to applying the law to the facts of your case.

• Likewise, the word “finally” can act as a signpost, letting your reader know that you are moving to your final point.


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Exercise No. 3

See Exercise No. 3 in written materials.

In the example, identify the roadmap, topic sentences, and signposts.

• To convict the assailants, the prosecution must prove (1) that a theft occurred, (2) that the theft was accompanied by violence, and (3) that the assailant used a deadly weapon.



Exercise No. 3

First, the prosecution has proved that a theft occurred. The prosecution presented uncontested testimony that Jonathan Cooper put money in an envelope to deliver to the charity. Jonathan Cooper testified that he put the money in an envelope, and his uncle, Juma Cooper, testified that he saw Jonathan put the money in the envelope. Moreover, both Jonathan and Juma testified that the assailants took the envelope from Jonathan. The testimony of these witnesses was credible and uncontested. Thus, the prosecution has proved this element of the crime.

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Exercise No. 3

Second, the prosecution has proved that the theft was accompanied by violence. Violence is the use of unlawful force. Here, both assailants used unlawful force against the witnesses. According to Jonathan Cooper, one of the two assailants ordered him to lie down; when he did not, the assailant called to the other assailant, who had a gun. At that point, Jonathan complied. The second assailant then hit Jonathan with the gun and reached down and took the envelope from Jonathan.


Exercise No. 3

Third, the prosecution proved that a deadly weapon was used. A deadly weapon is “an instrument made or adapted for shooting, stabbing or cutting and any instrument that when used for offensive purpose is likely to cause death.” A gun meets this definition because it is adopted for shooting, and if used for an offensive purpose, is likely to cause death. Here, the prosecution has proved that one of the assailants had a gun: Both Jonathan and Juma testified that one of the assailants had a gun.

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Transitions


Transitions

• In addition to using signposts, you can use other types of transitions.

• Although the labels are not particularly important, most transitions fall into one of three categories:

• generic transitions,

• orienting transitions, or

• substantive transitions.


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Generic Transitions


Generic Transitions

• Generic transitions are words and phrases that make the connections between ideas explicit.


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Generic Transitions

In deciding when to use a generic transition, keep the following in mind:

• First, keep in mind that what is obvious to you may not be obvious to your readers. Consequently, in writing, put yourself in your readers’ place. Will the connections be obvious to your readers?

• If the answer is “yes,” you do not need to include a generic transition. If, however, the answer is “no,” include a transition or use some other device to make the connection clear.


Generic Transitions

• Second, do not include too many transitions. Not only do too many unnecessary transitions make your writing wordy, but they can also leave the impression that you are “talking down” to your readers.

• Third, pick the transition that best describes the relationship between ideas.


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Generic Transitions

• Finally, different individuals have different opinions about how many transitions should be used and, in a given situation, about which word or phrase would make the best transition. Consequently, if someone else is editing your work, you may get conflicting advice.


Orienting Transitions


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Examples

Example 1: Orienting transition that establishes the date

At about 5:00 p.m. on April 29, 2016, the victim left the shop where she works and began walking toward the taxi stand.

Example 2: Orienting transition that establishes atimeframe

During the last ten years, the Act has been amended four times.


Examples

Example 3: Orientating transition that establishes alocation

In the mines, the safety of the workers needs to be the top priority.

Example 4: Orientating transition that identifies a case

In Govender, the applicant sought permission to permanentlyremove the child, her daughter, from the jurisdiction of the court.


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Examples

Example 5: Orienting transition that identifies the

source of information

In its affidavit, the bank describes the factors that it considers in deciding whether to grant or deny an application for a loan.

Note that, in most instances, the orienting transition is placed at the beginning of the sentence. In addition, the orienting transition is often at the beginning of a section or paragraph.


Dovetailing


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Dovetailing

In woodworking, carpenters sometimes use a dovetail joint to join together two pieces of wood.


Example

Four families agreed to share costs and build a road. After the road was built, they all used the road to access their homes and farms.

Repetition of terms from one sentence to the next:

Sentence 1 Sentence 2. . . build a road. After the road was built, . . . .

Use of pronouns to refer back to an earlier noun:

Sentence 1 Sentence 2Four families they


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Example

Realizing that she could not stop in time to avoid hitting the taxi, Jenny Ling drove toward the edge of the road.Unfortunately, in taking this evasive action, Ms. Ling hit two children who were playing beside the road.

Sentence 1 Sentence 2drove toward the edge of the road. this evasive action, . .


Dovetailing

• One of the reasons that dovetailing works is that, in English, most sentences begin with an “old” point and end with a “new” point.

• The “old” point may be something that is common knowledge or that was set out earlier in document, for example, in the prior sentence.

Typical Sentence Structure:

“Old” point “new” point .


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“Old” to “new” pattern ina series of sentences

Sentence 1. Sentence 2 Sentence 3

Old new Old new Old new

A B B C C D


Sentence with“old” to “new” pattern

Four families agreed to share costs and build a road. After the road was built, they all used the road to access their homes and farms. As a result, the farms became more productive, which gave the families the money that they needed to buy additional land.

A B B C

Four families. . . build a road. After the road was built, . . . .


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“Old” to “new” pattern ina series of sentences

In some cases, what is “old” is a combination of several points that have already been mentioned.

Sentence 1 Sentence 2 Sentence 3

Old new Old new Old new

A B B C B + C D


Points “B” and “C” combineto make an “old” point

When the accused entered his hotel room, he was surprised to find two men rummaging through his suitcase. One of the men turned toward him, drew a gun, and aimed it at the accused. Under these circumstances, the accused had every reason to believe that he was being robbed and that his life was in danger.


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Example

You have already contacted a school for the blind and, through it, have recruited 20-25 volunteers to test the drone. Through these tests, you will determine the drone’s optimal size, how close the drone should fly to the user, and how to design the drone so it does not crash into other pedestrians or interfere with traffic .


Exercise

• Working with a partner, go through Exercise No. 3 in he handout and your written materials and identify the following:

• Generic Transitions

• Orienting Transitions

• Dovetailing


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Exercise No. 3

First, the prosecution has proved that a theft occurred. The prosecution presented uncontested testimony that Jonathan Cooper put money in an envelope to deliver to the charity. Jonathan Cooper testified that he put the money in an envelope, and his uncle, Juma Cooper, testified that he saw Jonathan put the money in the envelope. Moreover, both Jonathan and Juma testified that the assailants took the envelope from Jonathan. The testimony of these witnesses was credible and uncontested. Thus, the prosecution has proved this element of the crime.


Exercise No. 3

Second, the prosecution has proved that the theft was accompanied by violence. Violence is the use of unlawful force. Here, both assailants used unlawful force against the witnesses. According to Jonathan Cooper, one of the two assailants ordered him to lie down; when he did not, the assailant called to the other assailant, who had a gun. At that point, Jonathan complied. The second assailant then hit Jonathan with the gun and reached down and took the envelope from Jonathan.

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Exercise No. 3

Third, the prosecution proved that a deadly weapon was used. A deadly weapon is “an instrument made or adapted for shooting, stabbing or cutting and any instrument that when used for offensive purpose is likely to cause death.” A gun meets this definition because it is adopted for shooting, and if used for an offensive purpose, is likely to cause death. Here, the prosecution has proved that one of the assailants had a gun: Both Jonathan and Juma testified that one of the assailants had a gun.

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Effective Sentences: Part I

C 2016 Laurel Currie Oates

Common Sentence Patterns


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Sentence Pattern 1

One main clause with a subject and predicate:

_______ ________________________.Subject Predicate

Example:The employee alleged discrimination.


Sentence Pattern 2

An introductory phrase followed by a main clause with a subject and predicate:

___________, _______ _____________.Introductory subject predicate phrase

Example:

A year ago, the employee filed a lawsuit.


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Sentence Pattern 3

A dependent clause followed by a main clause with a subject and predicate:

__________, _______ _______________.Introductory subject predicate clause

Example:Although the company denied the allegations, it settled with the employee.


Sentence Pattern 4

Two main clauses connected with a coordinating conjunction:

______________ , coordinating _____________.Main conjunction Main Clause Clause

Example:The doctor prescribed medication, but the plaintiff did not take it.


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Sentence Pattern 5

Two main clauses connected with a semicolon:

_________________; ________________ .

Main clause main clause

Examples:

• The doctor prescribed medication; the plaintiff did not, however, take it.

• The doctor prescribed medication; however, the plaintiff did not take it.


Sentence Pattern 6

Compound Subjects:_______ Subject

and_______ _______________________.Subject Predicate

Example:The president of the company and the company’s comptroller signed affidavits.


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Sentence Pattern 7

Compound Verbs:______ _________________ subject verb

and _________________.

verb

Example: The company commissioned the rugs and then sold them internationally.


Sentence Pattern 8

Subject and verb followed by several relative clauses:

______ _______ that _____________,

Subject verb that _____________,

that ____________, and

that _____________.


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Sentence Pattern 8

Example:

The plaintiff must prove (1) that the summons was left at the defendant’s usual place of abode; (2) that the person with whom the summons was left was a person of suitable age and discretion; and (3) that the process server notified the person with whom the summons was left about the contents of the notice.


Problem Sentences


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Problem Sentences

• Incomplete sentences

• Run-on or fused sentences

• Comma splices


Incomplete Sentences

The following are incomplete sentences:

• That the employee had been late four times.

[relative clause]

• Although the employee had excellent computer skills. [subordinate clause]

• The supervisor reporting the problem. [no verb]


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Run-on or Fused Sentences

A run-on or fused sentence has two main clauses without a coordinating conjunction or punctuation.

• [The company employed 120 mechanics] [it also employed 25 people in the parts department.]

• [The corporation has offices in three cities] [the biggest is in Johannesburg.]


Comma Splices

You create a comma splice when you join two main clauses with just a comma.

• [The defendant paid the rent,] [his wife paid the

utilities.]


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Comma Splices

You can fix a comma splice in several different ways.

Comma splice:

[The defendant paid the rent,] [his wife paid the utilities.]

Corrected:

• The defendant paid the rent. His wife paid the utilities.

• The defendant paid the rent; his wife paid the utilities.

• The defendant paid the rent, and his wife paid the utilities.

• Although the defendant paid the rent, his wife paid the utilities.


Exercise

• In paragraph set out in the printed materials,

• which sentence or sentences are complete sentences?

• which are incomplete sentences?• which are run-on or fused sentences?• which sentences contain a comma splice?

• See Exercise No. 4 in the written materials.


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Answer

Sentence 1 is a complete sentence: It has a subjectand a predicate and, when read together, that subject and predicate set out a complete thought.

We represent Mr. Pillay.

[Subject] [predicate]


Answer

Sentence 2 is also a complete sentence: It has both a subject and a predicate.

Six months ago, Mr. Pillay purchased from Mr. Patel a building that had a small shop in the front of the building and living quarters in the back.


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Answer

Like the first two sentences, Sentence 3 is a complete sentence. The subordinate clause is followed by a main clause.

• When Mr. Patel sold the building, he told Mr. Pillay that the roof had been replaced five years earlier and that there were no problems with the plumbing or the electrical wiring.


Answer

Sentence 4 is an incomplete sentence. It is just a relative clause.

• Also that drainage was not a problem.


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Answer

Sentence 5 contains a comma splice. The writer has connected two main clauses with just a comma.

• [The roof had not been replaced], [it leaked when it rained.]


Answer

Sentence 6 is a run-on (fused) sentence. It has two main clauses back to back without a coordinating conjunction or punctuation.

• [The statements Mr. Patel made about the roof were false] [therefore, Mr. Patel should pay the cost of repairing the roof.]


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Four Strategies for Writing Effective Sentences


Strategies for WritingEffective Sentences

1. Write most sentences using the active voice.

2. When possible, use concrete subjects and action verbs.

3. When possible, place the verb near the subject.

4. Manage long sentences by using all three sentence slots.


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Strategy No. 1

Write most sentences using the active voice.

Quote from WordRake:


Active Voice

When you write a sentence using the active voice, the subject of the sentence does the action described by the verb.

Active voice

The company fired three employees.

subject verb direct object


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Passive Voice

• When you use the passive voice, the subject of the sentence does not do the action described by the verb.

• Instead, the real actor is identified in a prepositional phrase or is not mentioned.

Passive Voice:

Three employees were fired by the company.

subject verb prepositional phrase

Three employees were fired. subject verb


Passive Voice

• The passive voice is not the same as the past tense.


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Active Voice Passive Voice

Pasttense

The company firedthe employees last week.

The employees were fired by the company last week.

Presenttense

The company firesemployees.

Employees are fired by the company.

Futuretense

The company will fire the employees tomorrow.

The employees will be fired by the company next week.


Why use the active voice?

1. Sentences written in the active voice are usuallyeasier to understand.

2. At least when the subject is named, sentenceswritten in the active voice are shorter than sentenceswritten in the passive voice.


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1. Sentences written in the active voice are easier to understand.

• To understand an English sentence, the reader must identify both the “actor” and the “action.”

• In reading English sentences, readers expect to see the actor in the subject slot of the sentence and the action in the verb slot.


Question

Which sentence easier to understand?

Sentence 1:

James Wilson pulled the accused off Julian Botha.

Sentence 2:

The accused was pulled off Julian Botha by James Wilson.


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Question

Which sentence is easier to understand?

Sentence 1:The trucks were sold to the commission by Toyota at below market prices.

Sentence 2:

Toyota sold the trucks to the commission at below market prices.



2. Sentences written in the active voice are often shorter than sentences written in the passive voice.

You can usually eliminate at least two words byusing the active rather than the passive voice.


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Example

Active Voice:

James Wilson pulled the accused off Julian Botha.

[8 words]

Passive Voice:

The accused was pulled off Julian Botha by James Wilson. [10 words]


Example

Active Voice:

Toyota sold the trucks to the commission atbelow market prices. (11 words)

Passive Voice:The trucks were sold to the commission byToyota at below market prices. (13 words)


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In addition, when you write sentences using the active voice, you may avoid a common grammatical error: a dangling modifier.



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Dangling Modifiers

One of the more common grammatical errors is the dangling modifier, that is, a modifier that “dangles” because there is nothing in the sentence for the modifier to modify.

In the law, dangling modifiers frequently appear in sentences that begin with participial phrases, for example, phrases that contain a word ending in “ing.”

In applying, In concluding,In arguing,


Dangling Modifiers

• If the sentence starts with a modifier that contains a word ending in “ing,” the subject should identify who it is that is doing the action described by the “ing” word.

• In the following examples, the modifier is in italics and the subject is in red.


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Example

Sentence with dangling modifier:In concluding that the contract was enforceable, itwas assumed that Washington law applied.

Sentence with dangling modifier corrected:In concluding that the contract was enforceable,the court assumed that Washington law applied.


Example

Sentence with dangling modifier: Driving too fast, the pedestrian was struck and killed.

Sentence with dangling modifier corrected:Driving too fast, the driver struck and killed the pedestrian.


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When should you use thepassive voice?

Although you will want to write most of your sentences using the active voice, there are times when you will need, or want, to use the passive voice.


Reason 1

You will need to use the passive voice when you do not know who did the action.

1. The power lines were cut.(Use when you do not know who cut thepower lines.)

2. The car was stolen and then abandoned. (Use when you do not know who stole and abandoned the car.)


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Reason 2

You may choose to use the passive voice when the act is more important than who did the act.

Passive Voice:The accused was found guilty of murder.

Although you could write the sentence using the active voice (“The judge found that the accused was guilty of murder”), the point that the writer wants to make is that the accused was found guilty of murder and not that it was a judge who found that the accused was guilty of murder.


Reason 3

Use the passive voice when you want to de-emphasize the client’s act.

For example, if you represent the employer, you may not want to emphasize that it is your client that has not paid its employees.

Passive Voice:

The employees were not paid.


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Strategy No. 2

When possible, use concrete subjects and action verbs.



Concrete Subjects

A concrete subject is something that a person that can visualize, for example, a person, a place, or a thing.

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Example

Abstract subject:A decision was made by the district manager to eliminate all level four positions.

Concrete subject: The district manager decided to eliminate all level four positions.

Note that the first sentence uses the passive voice, and the second sentence uses the active voice.


Question

Which of the following sentences is easier to understand?

1. The awarding of damages will be left to judicialdiscretion.

2. The judge will decide whether to awarddamages.

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Question

Which of the following sentences is easier to understand?

1. The nature of the defendant’s argument was that he was “temporarily insane.”

2. The defendant argued that he was “temporarily insane.”


Action Verbs

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Action Verbs

An action verb is a word that describes an action.


Examples

Weak verb:

The owner of the land is South Coast Properties, Inc.

Action verb:

South Coast Properties, Inc. owns the land.

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Nominalizations



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Nominalizations

If you use action verbs, you can avoid nominalizations.

Definition:A nominalization is a verb that has been turned into a noun.

Verb Nominalizationapply applicationconclude conclusion decide decision


Example

Nominalization:

Mr. Wante was in attendance at each of these meetings.

No nominalization:

Mr. Wante attended each of these meetings.

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Example

Nominalization:

If the return is regular on its face, there is a presumption that the service is valid.

No nominalization:

If the return is regular on its face, the courts presume that the service is valid.



Expletive Constructions

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Expletive Constructions

When possible, use a concrete subject and an action verb and not an expletive construction.

The following are expletive constructions:

• it is

• it was

• there are

• there were



Example

Expletive:

In the present case, it is the accused’s argument that the witness’s identification is invalid.

Rewrite:

In the present case, the accused argues that the witness’s identification is invalid.

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Example

Sentence that has expletive construction:Notwithstanding the fact that the Respondent was advised of the date and time of the proceedings by fax transmission, there was no appearance for the Respondent. [Assume that it was the arbitrator who send the fax.]

Suggested rewrite:Although the arbitrator sent the Respondent a fax that set out the date and time of the proceeding, the Respondent did not appear.


Example

Sentence that has expletive construction:There was also a request for maintenance, permanent alimony, a beneficial interest in the matrimonial home andan order permanently restraining the Respondent from having contact with the Petitioner.

Suggested Rewrite:The Petitioner also requested maintenance, permanent alimony, a beneficial interest in the matrimonial home, and an order permanently restraining the Respondent from having contact with her.

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Exercise

• See Exercise No. 5 in the printed materials.


Exercise No. 5

1. The employee was dismissed by heremployer because she was late.


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Exercise No. 5

2. It can be argued that the halfway housewas not the center of Ms. Olsen’s domestic activity.


Exercise No. 5

3. There are multiple factors courts will usein deciding whether a public use qualifyas experimental.


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Exercise No. 5

4. In addition, judgment has already beenentered against Ms. Kobi, therefore, it isour duty to prove with clear and convincing evidence that the service of process was irregular.


Strategy No. 3

When possible, place the verb near the subject.

Researchers have found that most individuals have limited short-term memories. For example, most individuals can remember only a list of seven numbers or a list of seven words.


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Example

Subject and verb separated by more than seven words:

Information relating to Standard Bank’s customaryoperating procedures and the accuracy of the numbersthe contractor set out in the loan application will berequired by the court.

Revised so that verb is next to subject :

The court will require information relating to StandardBank’s customary operating procedures and the accuracyof the numbers the contractor set out in the loan application.


Subject-Verb Distance

• Placing the verb near the subject has another benefit: It makes it less likely that you will write a sentence in which the subject cannot do the action described by the verb or in which you have a singular noun but a plural verb or a plural noun and a singular verb.

• For instance, in the next example, it is the crops and not the field that were cut and slashed.


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Example

Subject-verb mismatch:

The field on which crops had been growing was cutand slashed by the accused.

Subject-verb match:

The accused cut and slashed the crops that hadbeen growing on the field.


Example

• A court, in determining whether something has been in public use and whether that use qualifies for the experimental use exception, uses a many-factored test.

• In determining whether something has been in public use and whether that use qualifies for the experimental use exception, the courts use a many-factored test.

• The courts use a many-factored test in determining whether something has been in public use and whether that use qualifies for the experimental use exception.


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Exercise

Rewrite each of the following sentences so that the subject and verb are near each other. See Exercise No. 6 in the printed materials.

1. The possibility that an intoxicated driver may decide to continue driving rather than be arrested after pulling over to the shoulder of the road is what influenced the legislature to revise the statute.


Exercise

2. Therefore, any discrimination to these protectedclasses in public establishments that have a connection to commerce is prohibited.

3. According to U.S patent law, an invention that is in “public use” for more than a year before the inventors file their application for a patent is ineligible for a patent.

•

. C 2016 Laurel Currie Oates

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Strategy No. 4

Manage long sentences by using all three sentence slots and other techniques designed to make sentences easier to read.



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Managing Long Sentences

There are three slots in a sentence: a beginning, a middle, and an end.

________, ___________ _____________.

beginning middle end


Managing Long Sentences

• Use the first slot to set out a transition or an introductory phrase or clause.

• Use the second slot to set out the subject and verb.

• Put modifiers in the third slot.


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Example

Writer has used all three slots:

In this instance, the corporation’s chief financial officer decided that it needed to reduce its costs by closing its two oldest factories and by forcing employees over the age of 67 to retire.


Additional Techniques

• Divide the sentence into two or more shorter sentences.

• Use punctuation to divide the sentence into manageable chunks.

• Use enumeration.

• Delete non-essential information.


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Example

Original

The land was purchased by the hotel chain in January 2014 in reliance on the municipality’s assurances that the necessary permits would be issued no later than January 2016 and that the municipality would encourage local banks to provide the hotel chain with financing at favorable rates.

Option 1

The hotel chain purchased the land in January 2014. In making the purchase, the hotel chain relied on the munici-pality's assurances that the necessary permits would be issued no later than January 2016 and that the municipality would encourage local banks to provide the hotel chain with financing at favorable rates.


Example (cont’d)

Option 2

In January 2014, the hotel chain purchased the land, relying on the following assurances from the municipality: (1) that the necessary permits would be issued no later than January 2016 and (2) that the municipality would encourage local banks to provide the hotel chain with financing at favorable rates.

Option 3

In January 2014, the hotel chain purchased the land, relying on municipality’s assurances (1) that the necessary permits would be issued no later than January 2016 and (2) that the municipality would encourage local banks to provide the hotel chain with financing at favorable rates.


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Exercise

• Rewrite the second sentence set out in Exercise 6 (Managing Long Sentences).


Question 2 Options

Original

Permission is being sought in this case by the petitioner to remove her child from the jurisdiction on the grounds that the move will improve the petitioner’s opportunities for employment, that the move will allow the petitioner to live near her sisters and that the move will allow her child to attend better schools.

Option 1

The petitioner seeks permis-sion to remove her child from the jurisdiction. The petitioner argues that the move will improve her opportunities for employment, that the move will allow her to live near her sisters, and that the move will allow her child to attend better schools.


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Question 2 Options

Option 3

The petitioner makes three arguments in support of her request to remove her child from the jurisdiction: that the move will improve her opportunities for employment, that the move will allow her to live near her sisters, and that the move will allow her child to attend better schools.

Option 4

In asking for permission to remove her child from the jurisdiction, the petitioner argues (1) that the move will improve her opportunities for employment, (2) that the move will allow her to live near her sisters, and (3) that the move will allow her child to attend better schools.


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Effective Sentences: Part II

© 2015 Seattle University School of Law

Sentence Structure for Lawyers

• Lawyers rely heavily on many of the same sentence patterns that are used in other fields.

• Addition

• Cause/effect

• Condition/result

• Comparison

• Contrast


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Sentence structure for Lawyers

• Given the nature of legal communication, lawyers also use other, less common, sentence structures extensively.

• Juxtaposition

• Concession

• Resumption after a concession

• Sequencing for emphasis

• Speculation


Addition

Simple addition (what is added is of equal weight)

• and

• also

• in addition

• Crimes of dishonesty include fraud and deceit.

• The driver hit the brakes and swerved right.

• The driver saw the cyclist, hit the brakes, and swerved right.


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Addition

• The fence between the fields was down, and Nevins’ sheep had moved onto Tolbert’s land.

• The pipeline will be laid under the river. In addition, it will cross the border.

• The pipeline will be laid under the river; in addition, it will cross the border.


Addition with more sophistication

• The second item gets more weight.• further

• furthermore

• moreover

• in fact.

• All parties to the settlement agreement were represented by legal counsel. Moreover, the judge in the case reviewed the settlement terms.

• All parties to the settlement agreement were represented by legal counsel;moreover, the judge in the case reviewed the settlement terms.


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Cause/effect (or effect/cause)

• because

• since

• so

• consequently

• therefore

• thus

• accordingly


Cause/effect (or effect/cause)

• Because Keita was in jail, he could not have witnessed the accident.

• Keita could not have witnessed the accident because he was in jail.

• Keita was in jail. Consequently, he could not have witnessed the accident.

• Keita was in jail; consequently, he could not have witnessed the accident.


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Cause/effect with more sophistication

• The “cause” is treated as a given.

• Given

• Whereas

• Inasmuch as

• In light of

• Considering

• Owing to


Condition/result

• if/then

• Unless

• Until

• Use present tense in “if” “unless” or “until” condition clauses and future tense in result clauses.

• If the court hears Farhat’s testimony, then it will find the defendant guilty.

• The court will find the defendant guilty if it hears Farhat’stestimony.


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Comparison

• Similarly

• Likewise

• Analogously

• Like

• as in

• The driver in the Zeon case was temporarily blinded by oncoming headlights; similarly, the driver in our case was temporarily blinded by the loss of his contact lens.

• Like the driver in the Zeon case who was temporarily blinded by oncoming headlights, the driver in our case was temporarily blinded by the loss of his contact lens.


Contrast

• but

• however

• by contrast

• in contrast

• on the other hand

• on the contrary

• conversely

• nevertheless

• nonetheless© 2015 Seattle University School of Law

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Contrast

• Male employees are paid $15 an hour; conversely,females employees are paid $10 an hour.

• Jalish received a 20% pay increase; nevertheless, she is claiming wage discrimination.

• Although Chu’s father had told his daughter he would leave the farm to her, in his will he left the farm to his son.

• In his will Chu left the farm to his son, although he had told his daughter he would leave it to her.


Exercise

• Construct a sentence that contrasts the two following businesses and their actions. See Exercise No. 8 in the printed materials.

• Global Furniture, Inc. pays all of its employees a fair salary.

• Worldwide Toys, pays its managers an unusually high salary and its factory workers a low salary.


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Exercise

• Construct a sentence that contrasts an admission and a denial by the accused:

• Ms. Kelly admits buying a gun for protection.

• Ms. Kelly denies that she allowed her boyfriend to use the gun to rob the gas station.


Juxtaposition

• Juxtaposition is a sophisticated form of contrast.

• Placing two things side‐by‐side forces comparison and highlights differences.

• The victim in the Hernandez case was 22‐year‐old male; the victim in this case is a 6‐year‐old female.

• The victim in the Hernandez case was 22‐year‐old male. The victim in this case is a 6‐year‐old female.


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Exercise

• Construct a sentence that juxtaposes the ideas below:

• The victim described her assailant as a tall, overweight male with a tattoo on his neck.

• The accused is a male who is short and lean, and he has no tattoos.


Concession

• granted

• of course

• to be sure

• admittedly

• Of course the younger employees were paid a lower wage.


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Resumption after concession

• Still

• Nevertheless

• Nonetheless

• even so

• all the same

• that being said

• Of course the younger employees were paid a lower wage; nevertheless, they were paid a fair wage given their experience.


Exercise

• Construct a sentence from the points below that resumes the argument after a concession:

• Ms. Wilson concedes that she and her husband were arguing on the evening of his murder.

• Ms. Wilson claims that her husband was alive when she went to sleep around 10:00 p.m.


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Sequencing for emphasis

• End position in sequence + emphasizers

“especially” “most importantly” “particularly”

• Before awarding custody, the judge must consider the mental and physical health of all individuals involved, the child’s adjustment to home and school, the wishes of the parents, the wishes of the child, and, most importantly, the relationship of the child with the parents.


Creating emphasis

• End position + punctuation

• Colons and dashes create emphasis

[lead in] : [emphasized point] .

[lead in] ‐‐ [emphasized point] _ .

• The construction contract included a silent partner: his brother.

• The construction contract included a silent partner ‐‐ his brother.


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Speculation

• “if” + “would” “could” “might”

• Past tense in “if” clause

If [past tense][speculation], would [result] .

• If the witness saw the defendant’s car at the accident scene, he would have also seen the defendant.

might [result] if [past tense][speculation] .

• The judge might be sympathetic if she believed the accused was remorseful.


Speculation with nuance

Speculating about something that did not happen and possible result

• “if” + past perfect tense (“had”)

“would have” “could have” “might have”

• If the defendant had spoken to Mr. Torres, he would haveapologized to him, not threatened him.

• The tenants could have complained to the building manager if he had been available.


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Writing Concisely

C 2014 Laurel Currie Oates & Anne Enquist


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Important Notice

Teachers have long required students to write papers of at least five pages--instead of requiring them to write one, tight, evocative paragraph--on the person who has most influenced their lives. Is that fair? Can we really require our students to fill five pages, if we do not supply them with the useless words to do so? WordRake is answering that challenge. Beginning today, WordRake will donate all two trillion useless words to American Education in an ambitious new program: No Word Left Behind.•


Important Notice

Under the program, every child in America will receive a ten-year supply of “at all,” “It should be noted that,” “especially,” “bear in mind,” “in order to,” "the fact that," and thousands of other useless words and phrases. From New York to Los Angeles, Seattle to Miami, every child in the American Education System will be able to avoid writing sentences like:


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Important Notice

It made no difference.

and be fully equipped to write:

It should be especially noted that as far as I was concerned, it really made no difference at all to me.


Important Notice

Can you imagine how American Student scores will soar in international education competition? No longer will they have to write:

Benjamin Franklin had a younger sister named Jane.

They now can write:

Indeed, it is common knowledge that Benjamin Franklin had a younger sister who went by the name of Jane.


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Important Notice

Oh, the possibilities. The sentence:

Many students realized that the bloody hardships of war had not accomplished Sun Yat-sen’s Three Principles of the People.

could become:

It was during this time that many citizens, most particularly students, came to the realization that Sun Yat-sen’s Three Principles of the People had not yet been accomplished through the bloody hardships of war.


Important Notice

And:

To remain himself, Joyce rebelled against his fate.

could easily swell to:

That may be all the more true if we bear in mind that Joyce was driven by his fate into many rebellions in order to succeed in being himself.


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Important Notice

I am proud of our company, and I am proud to announce further that because of No Word Left Behind, WordRake CEO Jim, our entire engineering team headed by Chief Engineer Scott, and I have been invited by First Lady Michelle Obama to meet with her at the White House, where we will hand deliver a packet filled with useless words to Malia and Sasha Obama to use in their studies. We at WordRake will not rest until every child in America has all of the useless words needed to compete in school and later in the American business world.


Writing Concisely

Ten tips for writing concisely.


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Tip No. 1

Know what point you want to make, make that point, and then stop.

Give your readers just the flowers, not the weeds that often surround them.


Exercise

• You are writing a brief in which you are arguing that the defendant was grossly negligent.

• You asked your intern to research the issue and set out for you, in a sentence or two, the rules related to gross negligence.

• Your intern gave you the paragraph set out in Exercise 9.

• How would you edit the intern’s paragraph?


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Intern’s Paragraph

A pre-injury release is enforceable unless the negligent act falls greatly below the standard established by law for protection of others. Vodopest v. MacGregor, 128 Wn.2d 840, 848, 913 P.2d 779 (1996). Gross negligence is the failure to exercise slight care. WPI 10.07. Negligence is that degree of care which the reasonable prudent person would exercise in the same or similar circumstances. Nist v. Tudor, 67 Wn.2d 322, 331, 407 P.2d 798 (1965). Evidence of negligence is not evidence of gross negligence; to raise an issue of gross negligence, there must be substantial evidence of serious negligence. Id. at 332. Gross negligence must derive from foreseeability of hazards out of which injury arise. Id. at 331. Because a release of liability exculpates ordinary negligence, if it occurs, the plaintiff must establish gross negligence affirmatively to avoid enforcement of the release. Boyce v. West, 71 Wn. App. 657, 665, 862 P.2d (1993). [151 words]


Suggested Rewrite

A pre-injury release is enforceable unless the negligent act falls greatly below the standard established by law for the protection of others. Vodopest v. MacGregor, 128 Wn.2d 840, 848, 913 P.2d 779 (1996). To raise an issue of gross negligence, the plaintiff must present substantial evidence of serious negligence. Boyce v. West, 71 Wn. App. 657, 665, 862 P.2d 592 (1993).

[61 words]


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Tip No. 2

Use the active voice for most of your sentences.

Passive Voice:Three employees were fired by the company.[7 words]

Active Voice:The company fired three employees. [5 words]


Tip No. 3

When you can, use concrete subjects.

Abstract subject:The awarding of damages will be left to judicialdiscretion. [10 words]

Concrete Subject The judge will decide whether to award damages. [8 words]

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Tip No. 3

Abstract subject:

The nature of the defendant’s argument was that he was “temporarily insane.” [12 words]

Concrete Subject:

The defendant argued that he was “temporarily insane.” [8 words]



Tip No. 4

When you can, use action verbs.

Weak verb:

The case is an illustration of that point.

[8 words]

Action verb:

The case illustrates that point.[5 words]

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Tip No. 4

Weak verb:

The owner of the land is South Coast Properties, Inc.

[10 words]

Action verb:

South Coast Properties, Inc. owns the land.

[7 words]



Examples of weak andstrong verbs

reached an agreement

made a statement

drew an inference

made a recommendation

had a suggestion

gave consideration

agreed

stated

inferred

recommended

suggested

considered

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Tip No. 5

Do not overuse expletive constructions.

Reminder: In an expletive construction, "it is" or "there are" is used as the subject and verb.

Other expletive constructions: • It was• There was• There were


Example

Expletive:

In the present case, it is the defendant’s argument that the witness’s identification is invalid.

[15 words]

Rewrite:

In the present case, the defendant argues that the witness’s identification is invalid.

[13 words]

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Example

Expletive:

Notwithstanding the fact that the Respondent was advised of the date and time of the proceedings by fax transmission, there was no appearance for the Respondent. [26 words]

Rewrite:

Although the arbitrator sent the Respondent a fax that set out the date and time of the proceeding, the Respondent did not appear. [23 words]



Tip No. 6

Avoid throat-clearing expressions.

• It is generally recognized that . . . .• It is expected that . . . .• It is significant that . . . .• It is well known that . . . .• It is obvious that . . . .• It is clear that . . . .• It is important to note that . . . .

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Example

Expletive:

It was the legislature’s intention to encourage corporate exploration of new ways of reducing energy costs.

[16 words]

Revised:

The legislature intended to encourage corporations to explore new ways of reducing energy costs. [14 words]


Tip No. 7


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Tip No. 7

Prefer simple over pompous language.

• commenced• endeavor• prior to• pursuant to• subsequent to• utilize

began try before under after use



Examples

• It has been long established that the plaintiff bears the burden of proof.

• It is obvious that the plaintiff can prove the second element.

• The plaintiff must prove that . . . .

• The plaintiff can prove the second element.

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Tip No. 8

Avoid needless repetition.

• 3 a.m. in the morning

• a distance of twenty feet

• advance planning

• combine together

• depreciate in value

• during the year of 2007

• scrutinize carefully

3 a.m.

twenty feet

planning

combine

depreciate

during 2007

scrutinize

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Tip No. 9

Omit unnecessary prepositional phrases.

• all of the defendants

• some of the evidence

• none of the witnesses

• the family of the victim

• the reasoning of the court

all defendants

some evidence

no witness

the victim’s family

the court’s reasoning

Tip No. 10

Focus and combine.

Original: In deciding whether a release is conspicuous, the courts consider a number of factors. [cite.] Among the factors that the courts consider are the following: (1) whether . . . ; (2) whether . . . .

Rewrite:In deciding whether a release is conspicuous, the court consider a number of factors, including (1) whether . . . ; (2) whether . . . .


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Example

Original:

Testimony was elicited from Officer Morales. Officer Morales investigated the accident. Officer Morales testified that the “primary causal factor” of the accident was the intoxicated state of the defendant.

Rewrite:

Officer Morales, who investigated the accident, testified that the accident’s “primary causal factor” was the defendant’s intoxicated state.


Exercise

• In late October 2015, Kyle Nelson asked Frances Miles to house sit for him while he was away on vacation. Frances Miles is an acquaintance of Kyle Nelson. [29 words]


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Example

It is the night watchman's usual custom to terminate his rounds at 5 a.m. in the morning after carefully performing an inspection of each and every safe in the building. [31 words]


Exercise

• Complete Exercise No. 10.


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Exercise No. 10

For a period of two months during the year of 2015, Mr. Wilson aided and abetted a known felon by allowing her to utilize his flat as a place to hide from law enforcement officers who were looking for her.

[40 words]


Exercise No. 10

The prospect of potential drone deployment and use in domestic operations and missions has provoked considerable debate among many Americans. It has been argued that the use of drones by the United States’ domestic police forces is essential for the protection of the country's citizens from those engaged in the commission of crimes and terrorism. Others have made the argument that the use of drones deprives those who are citizens of the United States the rights that are guaranteed to them under the Fourth Amendment of the United States Constitution.

[90 words]


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Conciseness Contest

Round 1:

However, there is much deference given to federal agencies by the courts. In the landmark case of Chevron U.S.A., Inc. v. Natural Resources Defense Council, Inc.467 U.S. 837, 842 (1984), a schema of the courts authority over such agencies was created. If, upon action, the court determines that the agency's interpretation of a statute is reasonable or permissible, deference to the agency’s reading of the statute will be upheld. (71 words)


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Conciseness Contest

Round 2: There is a good argument that the interpretation of the material support provisions of the statute that have been issued the BIA in the decisions set forth above are contrary to law. First, In concluding that the provision of food and shelter comprise the provision of material support, the BIA’s decisions do not take into account that the test is not whether support was provided but whether there was the provision of material support. It is a well-established rule of statutory construction that in interpreting a statute each word should be given meaning. (92 words)


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Writing Precisely


Words Matter

• http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=Hzgzim5m7oU&vq=medium


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THINK CLEARLYWRITE PRECISELY


Principles of Precision

1. Use terms consistently.

2. Match actors with actions.

3. Compare like things.


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Use terms consistently.

As a general rule, select a term and use it consistently.

For example, if you refer to the test as a two-part test, do not later refer to it as a two-prong test.

Similarly, be consistent in how you refer to a specific court. You will confuse your reader if sometimes you refer to the court as the “district court” and other times as the “trial court,” and at still other times as the “lower court.”


Use terms consistently.

Don’t refer to something as an element, then as a factor, and then as a requirement.

Confusing:To establish that the defendant is liable, the plaintiffmust prove three elements. In this case, the firstfactor is met.

Better:To establish that the defendant is liable, theplaintiff must prove three elements. In this case, thefirst element is met.


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Match actors with actions.

Make sure that the subject of the sentence can do the action described by the verb.



Incorrect• Cybersell reviewed

cases from other circuits that discussed personal jurisdiction based on websites.

• A case cannot review cases. Only a court can review.

Correct

• The Cybersell courtreviewed cases from other circuits that discussed personal jurisdiction based on websites.


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Incorrect• Dr. Han’s occupation as

an obstetrician has shown a diminished ability to provide consistent care and guidance for her children.

• An occupation cannot show a diminished capacity.

Correct

• Dr. Han’s occupation, obstetrician, may impair her ability to provide consistent care and guidance for her children.



• The court found (findings of fact)

• The court ruled(ruling on an objection or motion)

• The court held (use with holdings)

• The court granted/denied the motion

• The court determined

• The court followed

• The court concluded

• The court reasoned

• The court noted

• The court stated

• The court criticized

• The court questioned


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What don’t courts do?

Courts do not . . .

• argue

• claim

• allege

• assert



Plaintiffs and defendants

• ask

• state

• claim

• contend

• argue

• allege

• assert

• respond

• Plaintiffs and defendants do not apply the law

• Only courts apply the law


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Compare like things.

In comparing and contrasting cases, compare like things:

• Cases to cases

• Defendants to defendants

• Plaintiffs to plaintiffs

• Facts to facts



Incorrect:Unlike Baker, the release of liability is in a separate paragraph.

Baker release of liability

Correct:Unlike the release of liability in Baker, in our case the release of liability is in a separate paragraph.

Unlike Baker, in this case the release is in a separate paragraph.

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Incorrect:

Like the Perez case, the driver was not licensed to drive a commercial vehicle.

Correct:

Like the driver in Perez, in this case the driver was not licensed to drive a commercial vehicle.

As in Perez, in this case the driver did not have a commercial license.



Incorrect:

Unlike the other cases, the will was not recorded.

Correct:

Unlike the wills in the other cases, in this case the

will was not recorded.

While in the other cases the will was recorded, in this

case the will was not recorded.


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“Like” vs. “As”

• Both “like” and “as” can be used to compare like things.

• While both of these words can be used in a number of different ways, in law you often see the following constructions:

“Like” or “Unlike” noun or a pronoun

“As” “in”

• You would not say “like in.”


“Like” vs. “As”

• The facts in this case are like the facts in Bynes.

• Unlike the wills in the other cases, in this case thewill was not recorded.

• As in the analogous case, in this case the service was left with a relative.

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Exercise

1. Unlike Chu, the advertisement does not say that

“quantities are limited.”


Exercise

2. This case is analogous to the defendant’s actions inState v. Deatherage where late at night that defendant fled a stable after he was seen attempting to steal and carry away saddles and a horse.


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Exercise

3. Unlike Obanga, a contract case in which the judgeentered a verdict for the defendant our judge found for the plaintiff.

.


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Legal Language:Legalese and Terms of Art

Legal Language

Legalese Terms of Art

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Legalese

Although there is no agreed-upon definition, one scholar has defined legalese as “a word or phrase that a lawyer might use in drafting a contract or a pleading but would not use in a conversation with his wife.”

What are the characteristics of “legalese”?

• Very long sentences, particularly with lots of modifiers

• Use of “said” and “such” as articles

• Archaic words

• Foreign words

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Long, Complicated Sentences

The Applicant and First Respondent entered into a time charter on a New York Produce Exchange (NYPE) form, as amended, and which will be referred to as the ‘charter party’ whereby the Applicant chartered the MV Sylvia (‘the vessel’) from the First Respondent for the period specified in the charter party.

The overuse of “said” and “such” as articles

• It was snowing and icy on January 9, 2016, when Mr. Smith, the plaintiff, was driving home from work along a deserted highway in his 1995 Honda Accord with chains on said vehicle’s tires. Suddenly said plaintiff felt said vehicle jerk violently, and then said plaintiff heard a loud clanging of metal. Such clanging continued until such time as said plaintiff was able to pull said vehicle over to the shoulder of said highway. Upon inspection of said vehicle, said plaintiff realized that such clanging was caused when said chains had broken and then wrapped around the axle of said plaintiff’s said vehicle. “Oh, *!?/*!” said said plaintiff.

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Legalese: Archaic Words

• Hereafter• Herein• Hereinafter• Therein• Thereof• Therewith• Whereby• Whereupon

Legalese: Foreign Words and Phrases

• Infra Below

• Inter alia Among other things

• Bona fide Good faith

• Per diem Daily

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Example

• The charter party was continuously extended from 22 February 2000. Thereafter, the parties agreed, inter alia, that in the event of a dispute arising between them, which could not be amicably resolved, said dispute would be referred to arbitration in London. A dispute did indeed arise between the parties and, as mentioned hereinto before, is presently subject to arbitration in London.

Terms of Art

• Terms of art are words and phrases that have a specific legal meaning and for which there is no plain language synonym.

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Examples of Terms of Art

• Certiorari

• Negligence

• Habeas corpus

• Mens rea

• Stare decisis

• De facto

• Dicta

Our test

• Given the document’s reader and purpose, does legalese increase or decrease the writer’s ability to communicate with his or her readers?

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Gender-Neutral and Bias-Free Language

Avoid the generic use of “man.”

Biased Terms

• the common man

• the reasonable man

• man on the street

• Other?

Bias-Free Terms

• the average person

• the reasonable person

• the person on the street

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Techniques for avoiding thegeneric use of “he”

1. Revise the sentence so that the antecedent and its pronoun are plural.

Example: An employee cannot be dismissed unless he has violated a company policy.

Revised: Employees cannot be dismissed unless they have violated a company policy.


2. Revise the sentence to eliminate the pronoun.

Example: As a general rule, an employer is not liable for the work performed by his independent contractors.

Revised:As a general rule, an employer is not liable for the work performed by independent contractors.

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3. Repeat the noun.

Example: Court proceedings should not be used to embarrass or prejudice the accused or to deny hima substantial right.

Revised:Court proceedings should not be used to embarrass or prejudice the accused or to deny the accused a substantial right.

Gender-Neutral Job Titles

• businessman

• chairman• councilman• fireman• foreman • insurance man• landlord

• business executive, trader, shopkeeper

• chair, presiding officer• council member • firefighter• supervisor • insurance agent• owner, manager,

lessor

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Sexist Modifiers

Sexist Modifier

• female judge

• lady attorney

• male nurse

• woman doctor

Revised

• judge

• attorney

• nurse

• doctor

Bias-free Language

1. As a general rule, use the “person first” rule.

• disabled person

• epileptic

• diabetic child

• person with (who has) a disability

• person with epilepsy

• child with diabetes

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Bias-free Language

2. As a general rule, use the more specific term.

disabled physical disability

learning disabilities ADHD

deaf limited hearing

Bias-free Language

3. As a general rule, use neutral language.

stroke victim

individual who has had a stroke

afflicted with cerebral palsy

person with cerebral palsy

suffered a heart attack

had a heart attack

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Bias-free Language

4. As a general rule, emphasize abilities and not limitations.

confined to a wheelchair

uses a wheelchair

homebound

child who is taught at home

Exercise

Evidence of the defendant's other offenses may not be admitted as proof of the charged offense if the evidence is relevant only to show his criminal disposition.

© Laurel Currie Oates & Mimi Samuel 2016

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Exercise

A guardian is a man lawfully invested with the power, and charged with the duty, of taking care of another who, for defect of age, understanding, or self-control, is considered unable to administer his own affairs.


Exercise

• Summary judgment should be denied if the moving party does not sustain his initial burden of proof and if reasonable men would reach different conclusions from the evidence presented.


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Pronouns



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Pronouns

In using pronouns, follow these rules:

1. Each pronoun must refer to only one antecedent.

2. Each pronoun must refer to a stated antecedent.

3. Pronouns and antecedents must agree in person and in number (quantity).


One Antecedent

Rule: Each pronoun must refer to only oneantecedent.

• When either of two nouns can be a pronoun’s antecedent, the reference is ambiguous.

• To correct the problem, repeat the noun or rewrite the sentence.

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Example

The prosecutor held the sandwich in one hand and the telephone in the other, eating it while she talked.


Revised

• The prosecutor held the sandwich in one hand and the telephone in the other, eating the sandwich while she talked.

or

• Holding the sandwich in one hand and the telephone in the other, the prosecutor ate and talked.

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Example

• There is a difference between lawyers today and lawyers in the past: They are better writers.


Revised

• There is a difference between lawyers today and lawyers in the past: Today’s lawyers are better writers.

or

• There is a difference between lawyers today and lawyers in the past: In the past, lawyers were better writers.

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Example

Avoid using “this” without a summarizing noun.

• In contrast, in the present case the defendant had the drugs in her BMW and purposefully drove towards the Confidential Informant's house to sell the drugs,creating the connection between the basis for the arrest and the use of the vehicle. This is unlike Patton in which the vehicle was not used in the crime and was merely fortuitously nearby.


Rewrite 1

In contrast, in the present case, the defendant had the drugs in her BMW and purposefully drove towards the Confidential Informant’s house to sell the drugs, creating the connection between the basis for the arrest and the use of the vehicle. These facts distinguish this case from Patton in which the vehicle was not used in the crime and was merely fortuitously nearby.


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Rewrite 2

In contrast, in the present case, the defendant had the drugs in her BMW and purposefully drove towards the Confidential Informant’s house to sell the drugs, creating the connection between the basis for the arrest and the use of the vehicle. The fact that the defendant was driving towards the CI’s house distinguishes this case from Patton in which the vehicle was not used in the crime and was merely fortuitously nearby.



Stated Antecedents

Rule: Pronouns must refer to a stated antecedent

rather than to an implied one.

• When the antecedent is not specifically stated, the reader must make an inference and may make the wrong one.

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Example

Incorrect: The engineer’s work led him to a decision to start his own company.

Correct:The engineer’s work led the engineer to start his own company.

Example

Incorrect:

The judge’s decision reflected his judicial philosophy.

Corrected:

The judge’s decision reflected the judge’s judicial philosophy.


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Antecedent Agreement

Rule: Pronouns and their antecedents must agreein person and in number (quantity).

• Because pronouns derive their meanings from their antecedents, the pronoun must agree with the antecedent.

Example

Incorrect:An employee cannot be dismissed unless they have violated a company policy.

Correct:An employee cannot be dismissed unless he or she has violated a company policy.

Employees cannot be dismissed unless they have violated a company policy.


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Example

Incorrect:As a general rule, an employer is not liable for the work performed by their independent contractors.

Revised:As a general rule, employers are not liable for work performed by their independent contractors.

As a general rule, employers are not liable for work performed by independent contractors.



Collective Nouns

Collective nouns, such as "court," "jury," "committee," "crowd," "team," or "corporation," should take a singular pronoun when the writer is referring to the group as a unit.

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Example

Incorrect:

The court issued their decision.

Correct:

The court issued its decision.

Example

Incorrect:

The team lost their first game.

Correct:

The team lost its first game.


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Example

Incorrect:

The corporation amended their bylaws.

Correct:

The corporation amended its bylaws.



Collective Nouns

Use a plural pronoun to describe the acts of individuals.

• The committee took their seats.

• The members of the committee took their seats.

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Examples

• Peter’s dog died when he was 42

• After Matsui lined the ball off Martinez’s head, it rolled into right field.

• From WordRake


Example

These services are crucial because they help support school stability for thousands of homeless students, but it is expensive to transport students who cannot find housing or shelter near their school of origin, and it can result in long commute times for students getting to and from school.


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Parallelism


Parallelism

What is parallelism?

• In grammar, parallelism is defined as “the use of similar grammatical forms for coordinated elements.”


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Vocabulary

“Similar grammatical form” simply means that

• a noun is matched with other nouns,

• verbs are matched with other verbs,

• prepositional phrases are matched with other prepositional phrases, and

• so on.



Vocabulary

“Coordinated elements” are parts of a sentence joined by coordinating conjunctions, such as “and,” “but,” “or,” “nor,” and “yet.” (the FANBOYS words)

Sometimes coordinated elements are pairs, but often they are a series or a list.

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Parallelism

Parallelism is easier to illustrate than

to explain.

Example

• The law firm has offices in Seattle, San Francisco, Tokyo, and Seoul.

• The law firm has offices in Seattle,

San Francisco,

Tokyo, and

Seoul.


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Example

• Everyone has certain inalienable rights:• to life,• to liberty, and• to the pursuit of happiness.

• Everyone has a right to life,liberty, andthe pursuit of happiness.


Example

Courts have found such a show of authority under the following circumstances:

1) the threatening presence of several officers;2) the display of a weapon by an officer; or3) the use of language or tone of voice indicating

that compliance with the officer’s request mightbe compelled.

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Example

First six months: • Use data and information gathered through surveys and

interviews to inform legislative strategy. • Work on legislative initiatives that will improve

identification and enrollment of homeless students. • Collaborate with our partners on legislative initiatives

that increase affordable housing for homeless families. • Examine policy options to increase affordable housing

in school districts with large populations of homeless students.

• Develop advocacy tools to assist partners in their affordable housing advocacy, and to preserve the housing trust fund.



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Structural Clues

• In speech, we often leave off words that mark parallel structures, most commonly, the word “that.”

• In writing, you will often want to insert the extra structural clue, especially to mark complex parallel structures.

Example

• To prove negligence, the plaintiff must prove that the defendant owed the plaintiff a duty; that the defendant breached that duty; that the defendant’s acts caused the plaintiff’s injury; and that the plaintiff was harmed.

• To prove negligence, the plaintiff must provethat the defendant owed the plaintiff a duty;that the defendant breached that duty;that the defendant’s acts caused the plaintiff’s

injury; andthat the plaintiff was harmed.


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Example

Incorrect:The second approach relies

more on the totality of the circumstancesthan employing a specific identificationprocedure.

Correct:The second approach relies

more on the totality of the circumstancesthan on the employment of a specific identification procedure.


Parallelism with Correlative Conjunctions

• In addition, parallelism is required for elements joined by correlative conjunctions.

• Correlative conjunctions are pairs of words such as "both . . . and”"neither . . . nor”“either . . . or” “not only . . . but also”“whether . . . or”“as . . . as”

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Examples

• Campbell's prior convictions are either similar oridentical.

• Neither the photographs nor the testimony provide proof of who actually committed the alleged assault.

• Not only does Raj raise money for NPR’s pledge drive, but he also produces one of the shows.

Parallelism with Comparisons

• Finally, when two elements are compared or contrasted, make sure that you use parallel structures.


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Parallelism with Comparisons

Many of the comparing and contrasting expressions use "than." Notice in each of the following pairs where the blanks are for the parallel elements.

More ______ than _________

Less ______ than _________

Exercise

• See Exercise 12 in the printed materials.


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Answer

1. The plaintiff alleges that he can no longer walk without a cane,that he can sit for only 30 to 60 minutes, andhe cannot drive.

Corrected:

The plaintiff alleges that he can no longer walk without a cane,that he can sit for only 30 to 60 minutes, andthat he cannot drive.

or

The plaintiff alleges he can no longer walk without a cane,he can sit for only 30 to 60 minutes, andhe cannot drive.


Answer

2. The company must either increase revenuesor it will be necessary to reduce

expenses.

Corrected:

The company must either increase revenues or reduce expenses.

or

If the company does not increase its revenues, it will have toreduce its expenses.


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Answer

3. A company is not only responsible to its shareholdersbut also customers and employees as well.

Corrected:

A company is not only responsible to its shareholders but also to its customers and

employees.


Answer

4. The argument relies more on emotion

than it does the law.

Corrected:

The argument relies more on emotion

than on law.


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Answer

5. The issues on appeal are whether the trial court erred in allowing the doctor to

testify,

the sufficiency of the remaining evidence, and

if the award of damages is excessive.

Corrected:

The issues on appeal are whether the trial court erred in allowing the

doctor to testify,

whether the remaining evidence is sufficient, and

whether the award of damages is excessive.


1

Modifiers

© 2016 Laurel Currie Oates

What is a modifier ?

Modifiers are single words or phrases that modify, or change, other words in a sentence.

“Modifier” is an all-purpose category.

• Words or phrases that modify nouns are adjectives.

• Words or phrases that modify verbs are adverbs.

• Prepositional phrases are common modifiers.

2


Example

The black truck on I-5 suddenly slowed.

• black truck• on I-5• suddenly slowed


What do you need to know about modifiers?

1. Keep modifiers close to the word they modify (otherwise they are “misplaced modifiers”)

2. Make sure the words they modify are in the same sentence (otherwise they are “dangling modifiers”)

3


Misplaced Modifiers

• The single word modifiers that are sometimes misplaced are the words “only,” “hardly,” “merely,” “just,” and “not.”

• When they move in a sentence, the meaning changes.

• Try to place them right before the words they modify.


Misplaced Modifiers

• Only the defendant thought that the car was rented.

• The defendant only thought that the car was rented.

• The defendant thought that the only car was rented.

• The defendant thought that the car was only rented.

4


Misplaced Modifiers

Compare the following sentences.

1. The defendant owned a cabin with his brother in New Hampshire.

2. The defendant owned a cabin in New Hampshire with his brother.

Misplaced Modifiers

Compare the following sentences.

1. The victim described her attacker as having a tattoo on his right buttock, which was shaped like a peace sign.

2. The victim described her attacker as having a tattoo, which was shaped like a peace sign, on his right buttock.


5


Exercise

In the following sentence, is there a misplaced modifier?

Under RCW 19.48.030, is the owner of a hotel liable for the loss of a guest’s $450 bracelet when the hotel maintains a safe for guests’ property and posts three notices stating that it has a safe embedded in other verbiage but when the guest failed to use the safe?

Corrected:Under RCW 19.48.030, is the owner of a hotel liable for the loss of a guest’s $450 bracelet when the hotel maintains a safe for guests’ property and posts three notices embedded in other verbiage stating that it has a safe but when the guest failed to use the safe?


Dangling Modifiers

• A modifier is “dangling” when the words that modifier modifies are not in the sentence.

• The most common place to find a dangling modifier at the beginning of a sentence.

6

Dangling Modifier

_____________, noun _____________.

modifier main clause

• Note that modifiers at the beginning of sentences often (not always) are based on a verbal with an -ingending.

• Make sure the first key noun following the comma describes who is doing the action.


Dangling Modifier

By calling attention to the defendant’s post-arrest silence, the jury was allowed to make prejudicial and false inferences.

Corrected:

By calling attention to the defendant’s post-arrest silence, the prosecutor encouraged the jury to make prejudicial and false inferences.


7

Dangling Modifier

Applying the majority rule to the facts, the benefit of the Bells having a healthy child outweighs the burden.

Corrected:

Applying the majority rule to the facts, the court will find that the benefit of the Bells having a healthy child outweighs the burden.



Dangling Modifier

You can also correct a dangling modifier by inserting the missing noun into the opening phrase or clause

Applying the majority rule to the facts, the benefit of the Bells having a healthy child outweighs the burden.

Corrected:

If the court applies the majority rule to the facts, then it will find that the benefit of the Bells having a healthy child outweighs the burden.

8


Exercise

1. The employee only worked at Acme Rentals for four months.

Corrected:

The employee worked at Acme Rentals for only four months.


Exercise

2. Custom-made towels ordered by the buyer imprinted with yellow happy faces satisfy the requirement of specially manufactured goods.

Corrected:Custom-made towels imprinted with yellow happy faces ordered by the buyer satisfy the requirement of specially manufactured goods.

9


Exercise

3. Using the balancing test, whether the defendanttestified at the prior trial will be considered.

Corrected: Using the balancing test, the court will consider whether the defendant testified at the prior trial.orIf the court uses the balancing test, whether the defendant testified at the prior trial will be considered.If the court uses the balancing test, it will consider whether the defendant testified at the prior trial.


Exercise

4. In measuring monetary damages to real property, two distinctions are made.

Corrected:

In measuring monetary damages to real property, courts make two distinctions.or When courts measure monetary damages to real property, they make two distinctions.

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Punctuation: Commas


The Rules

• While you do not need to know every punctuation rule, you do need to know

• those rules that affect meaning;

• those rules that make sentences easier to read and to understand; and

• those rules that well-educated individuals know and expect to see followed.


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Commas:

Commas that affect meaning


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Rule 1

Use commas to set off nonrestrictive modifiers.


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Vocabulary

A modifier is a word, phrase, or clause that “modifies” another word or phrase.

• A nonrestrictive modifier does not restrict or limit the word it modifies.

• A restrictive modifier does restrict the words it modifies.


Rule for Things

If you are writing about a “thing,”

• use a comma and the word “which” (, which) to introduce a nonrestrictive modifier,

and

• use “that” to introduce a restrictive modifier.


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Example 1

Nonrestrictive:The departments, which are well run, will receive additional funds.[All of the departments are well run, and all will receive additional funds.]

Restrictive: The departments that are well run will receive additional funds.[Only those departments that are well run will receive additional funds.]


Example 1

Non-restrictive

All departments

=

All departments

are well run

Restrictive

All departments

Departments that are well run


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Example 2

Nonrestrictive:

The accused broke the door, which was locked.

(There is only one door, and the accused broke that door.)

Restrictive:

The accused broke the door that was locked.(There is more than one door; the accused broke the door thatwas locked.)


Example 2

Nonrestrictive

• There is only one door, and that door was locked.

Restrictive

• There is more than one door; the accused broke the door that was locked.


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Question

What does the first sentence mean? What does the second sentence mean?


1. The factory, which employs more than 1000 workers, will be closed next year.

2. The factory that employs more than 1000 workers will be closed next year.

Answer

1. The factory, which employs more than 1000 workers, will be closed next year.

[There is only one factory, and that factory will beclosed next year.]

2. The factory that employs more than 1000 workerswill be closed next year.

[There is more than one factory. The factory that will be closed is the one that employs more than 1000 workers.]


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Rule for People

If you are writing about a person

• use a comma and the word “who” (, who) to introduce a nonrestrictive modifier, but

• use “who” (no commas) to introduce a restrictivemodifier.


Example 3

Nonrestrictive:

The commissioners, who took bribes, were prosecuted.

[All of the commissioners took bribes, and they were all prosecuted.]

Restrictive:

The commissioners who took bribes were prosecuted.

[Not all of the prosecutors took bribes; only those who took bribes were prosecuted.]


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Example 4

Nonrestrictive:

Attorneys, who intentionally prolong litigation for personal gain, misuse the legal system.

[All attorneys intentionally prolong litigation; thus they all misuse the legal system.]

Restrictive:

Attorneys who intentionally prolong litigation for personal gain misuse the legal system.

[Not all attorneys intentionally prolong litigation; only those who intentionally prolong litigation misuse the legal system.]


Question

What do each of the following sentences mean?

1. The witness, who observed the shooting, is missing.

2. The witness who observed the shooting is missing.


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Answer

1. The witness, who observed the shooting, Is missing.[Nonrestrictive. There is only one witness: That witness observed the shooting, and that witness is missing.]

2. The witness who observed the shooting is missing. [Restrictive. There is more than one witness; It is only the witnesswho observed the shooting who is missing.]


Question

What do each of the following sentences mean?

1. The uncle who lives in Istanbul has agreed to care for the child.

2. The uncle, who lives in Istanbul, has agreed to care for the child.


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Answer

1. The uncle who lives in Istanbul has agreed to care for the child.[Restrictive. There is more than one uncle. The uncle wholives in Istanbul has agreed to care for the child.]

2. The uncle, who lives in Istanbul, has agreedto care for the child.

[Nonrestrictive. There is only one uncle, and that uncle livesin Istanbul.]


Examples

Mr. W has retained me to help him with a recent accident at XYZ, Inc., which resulted in his boat being dropped from a crane and destroyed.

When Mr. W contacted XYZ, Inc., he was told that this loss would not be covered because of an exculpatory clause in his lease agreement, which absolved the company of any liability whatsoever.


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Variation

• Not all restrictive and non-restrictive modifiers involve the use of “, which” and “that” or “, who” or “who.”


Question

What can you infer from the following two sentences?

1. The defendant’s brother, Ivan, lives in Seattle.

2. The defendant’s brother Ivan lives in Seattle.


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Answer

1. The defendant’s brother, Ivan, lives in Seattle.[The defendant has one brother, his name is Ivan, andhe lives in Seattle.]

2. The defendant’s brother Ivan lives in Seattle.[The defendant has more than one brother: The brother whosename is Ivan lives in Seattle.]


Rule 2

While not everyone puts a comma between the next-to-last and last item in a series, in some instances failure to do so can affect meaning.


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Oxford Comma

I dedicate this book to my parents, the President and the First Lady.

Is the author dedicating the book to four people (hermother, her father, the President, and the First Lady)or to only two people (her parents, who happenedto be the President and the First Lady)?


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Oxford Comma

If you do not put a comma between the next-to-last item and last item in the series, the sentence is ambiguous.

I dedicate this book to my parents, the President and the First Lady.

If you include the comma, there is no ambiguity.

I dedicate this book to my parents, the President, and the First Lady.


Commas:

Commas that make sentences easier to read and understand


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Rule 3

Use a comma to show your readers where the introductory phrase or clause ends and the main clause begins.

___________, _____________________.Introductory main clause

phrase or

clause


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Examples

1. In the present case, the police believe that the fire was set intentionally.

2. On Friday, the police arrested a possible suspect.

3. Although the building was destroyed, the items in the safe were not damaged.


Rule 4

In most cases, use commas to set off transitions and interrupters.

Transition, _________________________________

_______, interrupter, _________________.


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Examples

1. First, the photo establishes that the parties knew each other.

2. Finally, we can argue that our client was not properly served.

3. The court might, though, interpret the statute more narrowly.



Rule 5

Use a comma before a coordinating conjunction joining two main clauses.

__________, _______ ___________.Main clause coordinating main clause

conjunction

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Vocabulary

Main clause:Has a subject and a verb and can stand by itself as a complete sentence.

Coordinating Conjunctions:F (for)A (and)N (nor)B (but)O (or)Y (yet)S (so)


Example 1

The first parcel is zoned residential, and the second parcel is zoned commercial.

[The first parcel is zoned residential],

and

[the second parcel is zoned commercial.]

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Example 2

The accused denied that he stole the phone, but he did admit that he had been at the shop.

[The accused denied that he stole the phone],

but

[he did admit that he had been at the shop.]


Example 3

The University lab has developed new technologies that can reduce car emissions, and several companies have expressed an interest in buying that technology.

[The University lab has developed new technologies that can reduce car emissions],

and

[several companies have expressed an interest in buying that technology.]

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Reminder

• Do not, though, put a comma before every FANBOYS word.

• Only put the comma before a FANBOYS word if that word is used to join two main clauses or if another comma rule applies.



Example 4

The prosecution will be able to prove that Mr. Van Noorwyk’s fear was reasonable and that Mr. Christenson was armed with a deadly weapon.

No commas:

The prosecution will be able to prove

that Mr. Van Noorwyk’s fear was reasonable and

that Mr. Christenson was armed with a deadly weapon.

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Examples

Small firms typically enter unknown markets with low barriers to entry and may not succeed even if they address customer needs.

The clause does not in any way disclaim the negligence of XYZ, Inc. and only mentions losses due to fire, theft, storm, or Acts of God.


Examples

• Shortly thereafter, Mr. Fuller found out that his wife knew about the relationship, and he confronted Mr. Solomon by calling him on the phone.


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Rule 6

• Use commas to set off appositives.


Vocabulary

• Appositives are nouns or noun substitutes that follow another noun to identify it or further describe it.


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Examples

1. The company, Advanced Systems, has offices in

six countries.

2. The doctor prescribed a drug, Cipro, to six of his

patients.

3. Ms. Mateko, the attorney for the plaintiffs, and Ms.

Luko, the attorney for the defendants, are

discussing a possible settlement.


Rule 7

• Use a comma to set off nonrestrictive participial phrases.

• Note that nonrestrictive participial phrases can go either before or after the main clause.


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Vocabulary

• A participle is a word that has a verb as its root.

Verb Present Past Participle Participle

reason reasoning reasoned

apply applying applied


Examples

• The court ruled in the plaintiff’s favor, reasoning that the defendant had acted with intent.

• The company fired three employees, finding that all three had violated their nondisclosure agreements.

• Using the proceeds from the insurance, the owner rebuilt the restaurant.


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Exercise

• See handout.


Review

Rule 1: Use commas to set off nonrestrictive modifiers.

Rule 2: Use commas to separate the next-to-the last and last item in a series

Rule 3: Use a comma to show your readers where the introductoryphrase or clause ends and the main clause begins.

Rule 4: Use commas to set off transitions and interrupters.

Rule 5: Use a comma before a coordinating conjunction joining two mainclauses.

Rule 6: Use commas to set off appositives.

Rule 7: Use a comma to set off nonrestrictive participial phrases that modify the main clause.


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Answer

1. In this case, the issue is whether the arbitration clause, which requires that at least two of the three arbitrators be from specific countries, is enforceable.

Rule 3: Use a comma to show your readers where theintroductory phrase ends and the main clause begins.

Rule 1: Use commas to set off nonrestrictive modifiers.


Answer

2. In Jivraj v. Hashwani, a case decided by the UK Supreme Court, the Court held that a provision that required the arbitrators be members of a particular religion was valid,

reasoning that arbitrators are not employees.

Rule 3: Use a comma to show your readers where the introductory phrase or clause ends and the main clausebegins.

Rule 6: Use commas to set off appositives.

Rule 7: Use a comma to set off nonrestrictive participial phrases that modify the main clause.


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Answer

3. Because the arbitrators were not employees, thecourt held that the laws relating to discrimination didnot apply and that, therefore, there was no discrim-ination.

Rule 3: Use a comma to show your readers where theintroductory phrase or clause ends and themain clause begins.

Rule 4: In most cases, use commas to set off transitions andinterrupters.


Answer

4. The decision is not binding on our courts, but we canuse it as precedent.

Rule 5: Use a comma before a coordinatingconjunction joining two main clauses.


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Answer

5. The arbitration agreement that is in dispute in thiscase has provisions specifying that one of thearbitrators must be from the AEU, that one must befrom the U.K., and that the first two will select thethird.

Rule 1: Do not use commas to set off restrictivemodifiers.

Rule 2: Use commas to separate all of the items in a series.


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Punctuation: Semicolons



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Semicolons

You can use semicolons in two ways:

(1) to separate two main clauses not joined by acoordinating conjunction, and

(2) to separate items in a list.


Semicolons

Use a semicolon to join two closely related main clauses not joined by a coordinating conjunction.

________________; ________________.

Main clause main clause

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Incorrect:• The corporate headquarters is in Dubai there are branch offices in

Kampala, Johannesburg, and Shanghai.

Correct:• The corporate headquarters is in Dubai. There are branch offices in

Kampala, Johannesburg, and Shanghai.

• The corporate headquarters is in Dubai; there are branch offices in Kampala, Johannesburg, and Shanghai.

• The corporate headquarters is in Dubai, and there are branch offices in Kampala, Johannesburg, and Shanghai.

• Although the corporate headquarters is in Dubai, there are branch offices in Kampala, Johannesburg, and Shanghai.


Semicolons

• Sometimes, the second clause will start with a transition that highlights the relationship between the two main clauses.

• Common transitional words:• thus• therefore• however

• Put a comma after the transition.


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Example

The contract was not signed; therefore, it is not enforceable.

Other rewrites:• The contract was not signed. Therefore, it is not

enforceable. • The contract was not signed, and it is, therefore, not

enforceable. • Because the contract was not signed, it is not

enforceable.



Example

Incorrect:• The accused threatened to shoot Maureen Karnney

however he did not do so.

Rewrites:• The accused threatened to shoot Maureen Karnney.

However, he did not do so.• The accused threatened to shoot Maureen Karnney;

however, he did not do so. • The accused threatened to shoot Maureen Karnney, but he

did not do so. • Although the accused threatened to shoot Maureen

Karnney, he did not do so.

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Exercise

• Revise each of the following sentences using each four different techniques that we just have discussed.

1. Main clause. Main clause.

2. Main clause; main clause

3. Main clause, coordinating conjunction, main clause.

4. Dependent clause, main clause.


Exercise

Incorrect:1. One of the law firms has 25 lawyers the other has more than

100.

Rewrites. • One of the law firms has 25 lawyers. The other has more than

100.• One of the law firms has 25 lawyers; the other has more than

100.• One of the law firms has 25 lawyers, and the other has more

than 100.• Although one of the law firms has 25 lawyers, the other has

more than 100.


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Exercise

Incorrect:2. The doctor was one of the best in his field however the surgery

was not successful.

Rewrites:• The doctor was one of the best in his field. However, the surgery

was not successful. • The doctor was one of the best in his field; however, the surgery

was not successful. • The doctor was one of the best in his field, but the surgery was not

successful. • While the doctor was one of the best in his field, the surgery was

not successful.


Exercise

Incorrect:3. The summons was not served at the defendant’s usual place of

abode therefore the service was not valid.

Rewrites:

• The summons was not served at defendant’s usual place of abode. Therefore, the service was not valid.

• The summons was not served at defendant’s usual place of abode; therefore, the service was not valid.

• The summons was not served at defendant’s usual place of abode,and, therefore, the service was not valid.

• Because the summons was not served at defendant’s usual place of abode, the service was not valid.


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Semicolons

• Semicolons can also be used to separate items in a list.



Lists

If the items in the list are short, you can use commas to separate those items.

Example:

• The prosecution alleges that the accused stole a sewing machine, computer components, and a suitcase containing clothes.

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Lists

There are, however, times when you should use semicolons to separate items in a list. Use semicolons to separate the items in the list if

(a) some or all of the items in the list are long or

(b) any of the items in the list have internal

commas.

Example

To prove negligence, the plaintiff must prove that the defendant owed the plaintiff a duty; that the defendant breached that duty; that the defendant’s acts caused the plaintiff’s injury; and that the plaintiff was harmed.

the plaintiff must prove that . . . ;

that . . . ;

that . . . ; and

that . . . .


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Example

With the “that’s.”:

To prove negligence, the plaintiff must prove (1) that the defendant owed the plaintiff a duty; (2) that the defendant breached that duty; (3) that the defendant’s acts caused the plaintiff’s injury; and (4) that the plaintiff was harmed.

Without the “that’s”:

To prove negligence, the plaintiff must prove that (1) the defendant owed the plaintiff a duty; (2) the defendant breached that duty; (3) the defendant’s acts caused the plaintiff’s injury; and (4) the plaintiff was harmed.


Example

• To prove negligence, the plaintiff must prove the following:

• that the defendant owed the plaintiff a duty;

• that the defendant breached that duty;

• that the defendant’s acts caused the plaintiff’s injury; and

• that as a result of the defendant’s actions the plaintiff was harmed.


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Note

• If you use a colon to set up a list, the language before the colon should be grammatically complete, for example, the language should be able to stand by itself as a complete sentence.


Semicolons

• You should also use semicolons to separate the items in a list if one or more of the items in the list has internal commas.

• If you use commas both to separate the items in the list and to set off information within a item, you make it difficult for your readers to determine when you have finished setting out one item and moved to the next item.


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Example

We can call the following witnesses: Haroon Karmi,who sold the software; Martin Noori, who installed the software; and Syed Ramiz, the office manager.

We can call the following witnesses:

Haroon Karmi, who sold the software;

Martin Noori, who installed the software; and

Syed Ramiz, the office manager.


Example

I give my house and its furnishing to my wife, Anne Murphy; my cars to my son, Andrew Murphy; and the art collection in my office to my daughter, Amanda Murphy.

I give• my house and its furnishing to my wife, Anne

Murphy;• my cars to my son, Andrew Murphy; and• the art collection in my office to my daughter,

Amanda Murphy.


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Punctuation: Apostrophes



What do you see?

• Those old things in the corner are my husbands.

• Those old things in the corner are my husbands’.

• Those old things in the corner are my husband’s.

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Apostrophes

It is easier to form the plural possessive if you form the plural first and then apply the rules for possessives.

Singular Plural Plural Possessive

judge judges judges’ decision

family families families’ petition

child children children’s toys


Apostrophes

To show joint possession, put the apostrophe plus the “s” after the last noun; to show individual possession, put the apostrophe plus the “s” after each noun.

John and Elizabeth’s cars The cars are jointly owned.

John’s and Elizabeth’s cars John owns one car, and Elizabeth owns another.

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Question

What did the bank take?

• The bank repossessed Mr. Morrison and Mrs. Morrison’s car.

• The bank repossessed Mr. Morrison’s and Mrs. Morrison’s car.

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Writing Persuasively


State v. Patterson


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Create a Favorable Context



Defendant’s Brief

At 7:30 on Monday morning, August 12, 2013, twenty-two year old Dean Patterson finished his shift as a security guard and walked to his apartment. After having breakfast with his wife, Patterson went to bed and slept until about 1:00 p.m. At about 2:30 p.m., Patterson’s wife received a phone call asking her to work at the local hospital, where she is employed as a nurse. She got ready, and Patterson dropped her off at the hospital at about 3:10. When he returned, Patterson could not find a parking place close to his apartment and had to park several blocks away.

At about 3:30, Patterson called his wife to find out how long she would have to work. They had plans to go to a movie that evening, and he wanted to know whether he should change those plans. At about 3:50, Patterson took a load of laundry to the apartment complex’s laundry room.

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Defendant’s Brief(continued)

When he returned to his apartment, Patterson watched part of an old movie. At about 4:20, Patterson went back to the laundry room to put the clothes in the dryer. On his way back, he walked to where his car, an older model red station wagon, was parked to see if he needed to get gas. As he did so, Patterson noticed a parking spot much closer to his apartment and, after checking his gas, moved his car to that spot. After parking his car, Patterson got out of the car and, because the driver’s side door does not lock from the outside, walked to the passenger side to lock the doors. As he did so, he nodded to a parking enforcement officer who was driving by.


State’s Brief

On Monday, August 12, 2013, Beatrice Martinez was assaulted with a deadly weapon. At a show-up held thirty to forty minutes after the attack, Martinez positively identified the defendant, Dean E. Patterson, as her assailant. The next day, Martinez picked Patterson out of a line-up, once again positively identifying him as her assailant.

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Tell the story from the client’s point of view.



Defendant’s Brief

At 7:30 on Monday morning, August 12, 2013, twenty-two year old Dean Patterson finished his shift as a security guard and walked to his apartment. After having breakfast with his wife, Patterson went to bed and slept until about 1:00 p.m. At about 2:30 p.m., Patterson’s wife received a phone call asking her to work at the local hospital where she is employed as a nurse. She got ready, and Patterson dropped her off at the hospital at about 3:10. When he returned, Patterson could not find a parking place close to his apartment and had to park several blocks away.

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State’s BriefPoint of View

On Monday, August 12, 2013, Beatrice Martinez was assaulted with a deadly weapon. At a show-up held thirty to forty minutes after the attack, Martinez positively identified the defendant, Dean E. Patterson, as her assailant. The next day, Martinez picked Patterson out of a line-up, once again positively identifying him as her assailant.

Emphasize the facts that support your theory of the case and de-

emphasize those that don’t.


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Techniques to Emphasize Favorable Facts and De-emphasize Unfavorable Facts

a. Airtime and detail

b. Positions of emphasis

c. Sentence length

d. Active and passive voice

e. Dependent and main clauses


Defendant’s Brief Airtime

Martinez stated that she was walking down Belmont when a car that had driven by earlier pulled in front of her. The man got out of his car, took one or two steps toward Martinez, and then pulled a gun from his pocket. As soon as she spotted the gun, Martinez screamed, looked away, and then, crying, ran across the street. The entire encounter was over in a second or two.

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State’s Brief Airtime

As she was walking north on Belmont, Martinez observed an older model red station wagon with a chrome luggage rack as it passed slowly by her. Moments later, the same car came down the street again. This time, the driver pulled his car in front of Martinez, stopping his car so that it blocked her path. As Martinez watched, the driver got out of his car and walked toward her. The man then took a gun from his coat pocket and pointed it at Martinez. Martinez looked at the gun, looked back up at her assailant, and then crying, ran back across the street to safety.


Defendant’s Brief Detail

Martinez stated that she was walking down Belmont when a car that had driven by earlier pulled in front of her. The man got out of his car, took one or two steps toward Martinez, and then pulled a gun from his pocket. As soon as she spotted the gun, Martinez screamed, looked away, and then, crying, ran across the street. The entire encounter was over in a second or two.

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State’s BriefDetail

As she was walking north on Belmont, Martinez observed an older model red station wagon with a chrome luggage rack as it passed slowly by her. Moments later, the same car came down the street again. This time, the driver pulled his car in front of Martinez, stopping his car so that it blocked her path. As Martinez watched, the driver got out of his car and walked toward her. The man then took a gun from his coat pocket and pointed it at Martinez. Martinez looked at the gun, looked back up at her assailant, and then crying, ran back across the street to safety.


Defendant’s BriefPositions of Emphasis

Because she was upset, Martinez was able to give the police only a general description of her assailant. She described him as being a short, white male with blondish-brown hair who was wearing glasses and a dark jacket. In addition, she told police that her assailant was in his early forties. Patterson is twenty-two.

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State’s BriefPositions of Emphasis

Martinez told the police that her assailant was a white male who was about 5’7” tall, that her assailant had wavy blondish-brown hair, that her assailant appeared to be in his early forties, and that at the time of the assault, her assailant was wearing a dark jacket and wire-rim glasses.


Defendant’s Brief Sentence Length

Because she was upset, Martinez was able to give the police only a general description of her assailant. She described him as being a short, white male with blondish-brown hair who was wearing glasses and a dark jacket. In addition, she told police that her assailant was in his early forties. Mr. Patterson is twenty-two.

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State’s Brief Sentence Length

Martinez told the police that her assailant was a white male who was about 5’7” tall, that her assailant had wavy blondish-brown hair, that her assailant appeared to be in his early forties, and that at the time of the assault, her assailant was wearing a dark jacket and glasses.


Active and Passive Voice

Example 1: Active Voice Patterson assaulted Martinez.

Example 2: Passive VoiceMartinez was assaulted.

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Defendant’s BriefSubordinate and Main Clauses

Later that day, the police searched Patterson’s car and apartment. In the apartment, the police found the gun issued to Patterson by his employer. The next day, the police held a line-up at the police station. Although Martinez identified Patterson as the man who had approached her, Clipse did not pick Patterson out of the lineup.


State’s Brief Subordinate and Main Clauses

A line-up held was held the next day. Although Clipse was unable to identify the man who had assaulted Martinez, Martinez identified Patterson as her assailant.

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Choose your words carefully



Choose your words carefully

Example 1:

Mr. Dean PattersonMr. PattersonDean PattersonPattersonDean the suspectthe accused

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Choose Your Words Carefully

Example 2:

said

stated

declared

asserted

alleged

affirmed

argued

By Jodi Rudoren, July 20, 2014, NY Times

JERUSALEM — The Gaza-based interior ministry advises its supporters in a YouTube video that whenever talking about the dead, “always add ‘an innocent citizen.’ ” In Israel, the message is quite different: Those same victims are described as “human shields” sacrificed by the “heartless” Hamas “terrorists” that rule Gaza.


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Exercise No. 14

Statement of Facts in Cowdery v. City of Seattle


Cowdery’s Statement of Facts

Before joining the Seattle Police Department, Officer Cowdery served as an Army medic for six years; in this role, he participated in the Gulf War. Cowdery Decl. ¶ 4-5. After leaving the Army, Officer Cowdery began serving Seattle as a police officer. During his five years of service, Officer Cowdery received many commendations and awards. Cowdery Decl. ¶ 3.

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Cowdery’s Statement of Facts (continued)

On November 27, 2008, a chain of events began that would alter Officer Daniel Cowdery’s career as a police officer. On that day, a bus crashed off of the Aurora Bridge, creating the first link in a tragic series of events. Within minutes of the department’s radio call, Officer Cowdery and his partner arrived at the scene. Expecting to encounter a twisted wreck of steel and glass, Officer Cowdery put on two pairs of the latex gloves the police department had provided.



However, the flimsy gloves proved to be inadequate for the chaos and tore quickly. Officer Cowderycontinued to re-glove until all of the available gloves had been used. Cowdery Decl. ¶ 7. Still wearing the torn gloves, the glass and debris cut Officer Cowdery’s hands; his knees became cut.

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One of the victims that Officer Cowdery tended to was a man with a badly mangled leg. Although the man was bleeding profusely and Officer Cowdery was wearing his last pair of badly torn gloves, Officer Cowdery used his training as a medic to assist him. Compl. ¶ 3.3-3.4. In helping him, Officer Cowdery’s cut his hands and his knees, and his uniform became so saturated with the man’s blood that he was required to dispose of it as bio-hazardous waste. Cowdery Decl. ¶ 10.


City’s Statement of Facts

Plaintiff Daniel Cowdery was hired as a police officer with the Seattle Police Department in 2000. Between December 3, 2008, and June 22, 2012, plaintiff filed five workers’ compensation claims.

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Plaintiff filed his first claim on December 3, 2008. In this claim, the plaintiff listed his injury as “blood exposure”. Ex. 3, Self-Insurer Accident Report W 311422. Although the plaintiff was exposed to blood while assisting at the scene of a bus accident, he never contracted HIV or hepatitis. Compl. ¶ 3.5; Ex. 5, ER Notes and Report. Accordingly, his claim was denied. Ex. 4, Order and Notice Denying Claim W 311422.



On December 23, 2008, plaintiff filed a second claim for injuries sustained during the WTO demonstrations. In this claim, the plaintiff listed his injury as “pneumonitis”. Ex. 9, Self-Insurer Accident Report W 341766. Plaintiff’s second claim was approved. See Ex. 13, Order and Notice Allowing Claim W 341766.

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On January 21, 2009, plaintiff filed a third claim, once again, for pneumonitis. See Ex. 12, Self Insurer Accident Report W 311703. This claim was combined with the second claim. See Ex. 14, Order and Notice stating that Claim W 311703 Duplicates Claim W 341766.



On June 22, 2009, plaintiff filed a fourth claim for neck, back, and chest pain as a result of additional injuries sustained during the WTO demonstrations. See Ex. 10, Self-Insurer Report W 342968. This claim was denied because plaintiff failed to provide a licensed physician’s report or medical proof of the injury. See Ex. 11, Order

and Notice denying Claim W 343968.

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That same day, plaintiff filed a fifth claim for depression. See Ex. 6, Self-Insurer Report W 342948. The fifth claim was consolidated with an earlier claim because the Department of Labor and Industries (L & I) determined that plaintiff’s fifth claim was a duplicate of his first claim. See Ex. 7, Order and Notice Stating that Claim W 342948 Duplicates Claim No. W 311422.

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Style


Style

• Once you have mastered the basics of writing clearly, concisely, and correctly, begin working on your writing style.


Make your writing engaging.

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Style

In developing your writing style, remember your

• your audience,

• your purpose, and

• the conventions.


Techniques

1. When possible, use the active voice and concrete subjects and action verbs.

2. When appropriate, select words that create vivid images.

3. Vary the length of your sentences and your sentence patterns.

4. Use punctuation to emphasize key points.

5. Use single word modifiers to your advantage.

6. Use parallel constructions to highlight key points.

7. When appropriate, use deliberate repetition.


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Techniques

When possible, use the active voice and concrete subjects and action verbs.

Examples:1. The keys were taken by Harris, who then ran out the

door.

2. Harris took the keys and ran out the door.


Techniques

When appropriate, select words that create vivid images.

Examples:

1. Harris took the keys and ran out the door.2. Harris snatched the keys and ran out the door.

3. Residents complained about the very loud noise coming from the factory.

4. Residents complained about the ear-splitting noise coming

from the factory.


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Techniques

Vary the length of your sentences and the sentence patterns.

• If you have too many short sentences, your writing will sound “choppy” and/or unsophisticated.

• If you have too many long sentences, your writing will be difficult to read.


Example

Sentences do not “flow”:

A process server went to Ms. Webster’s house on July 28, 2013. The process server asked for Elaine Olsen. Ms. Webster told the process server that “Elaine isn’t here today.” The process server then handed the summons and complaint to Ms. Webster. The process server told Ms. Webster that Ms. Olsen “needed to go to court.”

Sentence 1: A process server went . . . . [12 words]Sentence 2: The process server asked . . . . [7 words]Sentence 3: Ms. Webster told . . . . [11 words]Sentence 4: The process server then handed . . . . [12 words]Sentence 5: The process server told . . . . [14 words]


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Example

Sentences do flow:

On July 28, 2013, a process server went to Ms. Webster’s house and asked for Ms. Olsen. When Ms. Webster told the process server that “Elaine isn’t here today,” the process server handed the summons to Ms. Webster and told her that Ms. Olsen “needed to go to court.”

Sentence 1: intro, a process server went . . . . [17 words]

Sentence 2: dependent clause, the process server told . . . and

handed . . .

[32 words]


Techniques

Use punctuation to emphasize key points.

• Commas, colons, and dashes can all be used to set up a point in an appositive at the end of a sentence.

Reminder:

An appositive is a restatement of an earlier word or group of words. It is often a more detailed substitute for the earlier word or group of words.


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Example

Compare the effect of different marks of punctuation.

1. The construction contract included a silent partner, his brother.

2. The construction contract included a silent partner: his brother.

3. The construction contract included a silent partner—his brother.


More Examples

1. All of the prosecution’s arguments depend on the definition of one term, “expert witness.”

2. Throughout the United States, such an exchange of money is known by one name: bribe.

3. The defendant was motivated by only two things—greed and more greed.


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Techniques

Use single word modifiers to your advantage.

Examples:

1. A change made to the contract must be approved by both parties.

2. Any change made to the contract must be approved by both parties.

3. A change may be made to the contract only if approved by both parties.


Techniques

The most effective way to use “not” for emphasis is to place a comma before it and use it as a contrasting element.

Examples:• It is the taxpayer, not the tax preparer, who is

responsible for the accuracy of all information on the form.

• Ms. Chung’s express wish was for the jewelry to go to her niece, not her daughter.


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Techniques

Use parallel constructions to highlight key points.

Example:

• This development is a tribute not only to the good sense of the American people but also to the genius of the Framers of the body of the Constitution.

• not only to the good sense of the American people• but also to the genius of the Framers of the body of the

Constitution


Techniques

While needless repetition is ineffective, deliberate repetition can be a powerful strategy for emphasis.

• Key terms and key points should reverberate throughout a piece of legal writing. Like the dominant color in a beautiful tapestry, key words and phrases should be woven throughout to create an overall impression that this is what the case is about.


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Example

• Both women were abducted in the same locale. Both women were abducted at night. Both women were abducted while alone. Both women were abducted by the same man: Edward De Vries.


Techniques

You can also set up a pattern and then break that pattern.

Examples:

• The defendant acted under a common scheme, for a common motive, but with uncommon results.

• Daniel Klein was loyal to his parents, loyal to his wife, loyal to his friends, but disloyal to the company that had employed him for thirty years.


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