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Marriage!!!

Marriage a tradition that every country follows they have their own ways and

rules for this ceremony.

In India where I belong, since earlier times it is the ceremony where parents choose

the partners for their children who have crossed 1 years to spend their whole life

with. arents see the status, family bac"ground and #nancial position of the guy or

the girl and then select the most suitable out of them along with their children$s

approval. %hese are called arranged marriages& parents arrange everything for the

marriage of their child.

'ove(something that is immortal, a feeling that no one "nows why happens and

why people who are in love can$t stay apart and want to spend their whole life with

each other. )ith increase in freedom and girls and boys studying together in same

school and college, there has been an increase in the cases of love and love

marriages. It is not that in earlier times people never fell in love before marriage,love has always been there but at that time they never had that courage to go

against their parents and society. *ow, there are laws to protect people in love and

allow them to marry. +lso, these days girls and boys are more #nancially stable and

they don$t have to depend on their parents. o now people in love have the

courage to go against their family and society and marry the person they want to

spend their life with. arents have also become broad minded and are accepting

love marriages today.. but not every parent!!

arents thin" as compared to arrange marriages, love marriages brea" very easily,

to a point its true also and to a point its not true also. %here are cases where love

marriages have been successful and there are cases where arrange marriages arenot a success.

I am here not to say whether love marriage is a success or arrange marriage. I -ust

wanna share what I feel about why marriages fail whether its love or arrange.

)hen we ta"e a case of arranged marriage parents are older to us and are

eperienced so we respect their decision that they will ta"e best decisions. /ut

when it comes to marriage what they see is the family bac"ground, #nancial status

and all but what they don$t see is the compatibility of both the people who has to

stay together, whether their thin"ing matches or not. It is said and seen that

marriages are successful because of some ad-ustments and compromises that thehusband wife ma"e because of each other, and that$s true also whether its love or

arrange. In arrange marriage the husband wife "now that they have to compromise

in order to ma"e it a success and parents also support them and help them with

their eperience and love in starting a new life. %herefore in most of the cases

arrange marriages are a success. /ut.

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%oday the youth are so independent, and have been living a life with freedom and a

personal space, when they marry they don$t want compromises and any

interference in their personal space. + girl is also given the same freedom before

she marries and after marriage she starts epecting more or less the same freedom.

If their thin"ing don$t match, and nobody is ready to ad-ust, 0uarrels start and their

egos ta"e these 0uarrels upto divorce which are also being very popular these days.

I have seen many cases in my neighborhood that the girl after marriage when she

comes to husband$s house, she is epected to be a very good housewife, no matter

if she hasn$t wor"ed in "itchen at her own home. he is epected to be a good

homema"er and if she wor"s then handle both the household and her career or she

is made to choose to be a homema"er. %he girl, to live a happy married life starts

ad-usting to this family. If she ad-usts its good but if she doesn$t and chooses her

career, then 0uarrels in family start. +ctually the problem that I thin" is that when

the guy gets married he starts epecting his wife to be more or less similar to his

mom in household wor"s and the girl who doesn$t "now anybody more than her

husband wants him to support her everywhere, which he thin"s that she wants her

to go against his family. In arrange marriages when the girl is sent to her in laws I

have heard most of the time her parents saying beta, ad-ust "ar lena thoda bahut

to "arna padta hai, and I have also seen that when these girls do some mista"es or

argue with her in laws, the husband starts abusing her whether its physical or

mental. I have also seen in laws saying beta abhi se control "ar " ra"ha "aro is"o.

%he girl doesn$t say anything but when the abuse goes over her then she tells it to

her family or others and then we see that arrange marriages are also not successful

but its hid from society to not get a bad name of their family.

Its not that always it$s the husband$s fault, there are girls also who don$t want her

husband to be with his family, she wants him to leave his parents and thin" only

about their future. o there are husbands also who compromise for a peaceful

family.

In all these cases of arrange marriage, parents are always there to support their

children and there are more compromises and ad-ustments by husband and wife.

*ow when we see the cases of love marriages, the guy and the girl select their life

partners for themselves. ome parents accept it but some don$t because its against

their egos. 2r it may be that they have seen love marriages fail so they don$t want

their children to go for love marriages. In love marriages what the guy and the girl

see is only the husband and wife and they don$t reali3e that marriage is not -ust

between girl and boy, its between two families. If they marry very early and without

reali3ing the responsibilities that come after marriage, it fails. %hey have always

remain independent since their school and college and after marriage also they

want the same freedom, what they don$t thin" is that after marriage they are no

more two people, they are one, now its their family they have to go on with

.%245%657. /efore marriage, the guy was living on his parent$s money, was on

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his own and had no responsibilities. +lso the girl$s all the needs were ful#lled by her

parents, but after marriage the responsibilities come which the girl and the boy had

not thought of much. +lso the parents don$t support them emotionally because they

thin" that their children have gone against their wishes and the husband wife are on

their own, which results in 0uarrel and failure of the marriage. In love marriages if

parents would have been in support of the "ids and accept their marriage then itcould be a success, they are eperienced and they "now how to handle certain

situations which their children would face. +lso if the husband and wife could have

made some compromises which they mostly don$t do these days 8because of their

ego and freedom they have been living with9, they could have managed some

di:erences or arguments that come after marriage.

I am not married so I don$t "now eactly what problems are faced after marriage

but what I have seen in my family and neighborhood that after arrange marriages

the girl has to completely leave her family she has been living with since years and

ad-ust to a new family which ta"es time and also she cannot completely leave her

own parents where she belonged and who have given her the identity she is now. If

the new family gives her time for ad-ustments and treat her as a daughter then

de#nitely the family would be happy because a girl wants love and her family

becomes her world after she gets married. %he guy also faces problems in ad-usting

with a new partner as till now he was living alone and his mom was ta"ing all care

of him but now he has to be responsible for two people, so there should be

understanding and ad-ustments between them to stay happily and lovingly.

In love marriages also the guy and the girl may have chosen the partners on their

own but problems they face after marriage is same as people face after arrange

marriage but there parents support and here in love marriages parents don$t

because they are thin"ing about the society. arents thin" that their children have

brought a bad name to the family in society. /ut is it the main reason, I thin" *2,

parents don$t accept love marriages because its against their ego. %hey can allow

their children to study with their own preferences but when it comes to marriage

they cant allow them to select their own partners.