Marriage & Divorce

Recovering God’s purposes for life … Matthew 5:31-32

The Divine Commentary on the Law Matt. 5:17-48 Christ, the law and the Christian 5:17-20:God’s intentions behind the Law so that we may fulfill God’s heart requirements;-

in relationships to our brothers/sisters 5:21-26 in relationships to members of the opposite

sex 5:27-30. in relationships within marriage 5:31-32in our conversation (oaths) 5:33-37in relationships to our 'enemies' 5:38-48

Following in the master’s footsteps …

John 8:2-11

“Let him who is without sin among you be the first

to throw a stone at her …. “

“… Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no

more.”

Contemporary yet ancient struggles …

Domination and exploitation of others, ̶ Slavery, and particularly sex-slave trade

Equality and mutual significance of men and women

Pressure to redefine male and female so that all differences are eliminated

Sustaining long-term in-depth relationships,

esp. marriage

Historic Context Marriage in most cultures of that day was about a

man’s exclusive rights over (possession of) a woman for the purposes of child-bearing & inheritance.

A wife’s faithfulness was essential to be sure of the child’s identity, therefore strongly monitored.

A husband’s sexual liaison (“porneia”) with other single women were tolerated (especially with “pornai” or slaves)

A husband’s sexual liaison with a married woman was NOT permitted as it infringed the rights of the other man!

Marriage in the Ancient world

Some counter-cultural Biblical teaching Gen. 2:24 movement of the man to a new

centre for his life – his wife, to form a new family unit.

Deut. 24:1-4 protects a divorced woman by fully releasing her from the man, making her free to re-marry (her main hope of long-term protection)

1 Cor. 7:1-5 mutual possession of one another’s bodies in marriage

God’s challenges to the Ancient world

Historical Context of Matt 19:3-12:- O.T. basis –Deuteronomy 24:1-4. Contemporary to Jesus were two religious schools

of thought, named after two Rabbis: Shammai – a strict party, saying the sole ground for

divorce was the specific grave offence of adultery, with which Jesus here agrees using the characteristic of “porneia”

Hillel – a liberal party saying divorce could be granted for any cause whatsoever - including bad cooking or even merely if the husband found a woman of better complexion! The Pharisees tended to this view, as did much of the public, hence the question Matt.19:3 '… for any cause?'

Controversies over divorceMatt 5:31-32; 19:3-12

3 points of contrast in Matt 19:3-12:- Pharisees absorbed with the grounds for divorce

-Jesus: with the institution of marriage. Pharisees called Moses' words a commandment for

divorce -Jesus: a concession because of the sinful hardness of the human heart.

Pharisees (especially for men) regarded divorce lightly:-Jesus: seriously as an action against God, leading to adultery, except for the case where adultery is already taking place.

Focussing on Marriage not DivorceMatt 5:31-32; 19:3-12

Jesus: the high standard of the Kingdom of God Sexual activity in thought or action outside of

marriage is sin (5:28-30) Marriage is for life Divorce (“to set free and send away”) is only

to be considered in the case of a spouse who is characterised by “porneia” - sexual unfaithfulness

Any other reason for divorce puts both spouse and any subsequent partners in the wrong

The call to Faithfulness in MarriageMatt 5:31-32; 19:3-12

The “necessity” of Divorce Matt 19:8-9; Deuteronomy 24 the hardness of

the fallen human heart – self-willed & sinful God’s involvement with Divorce

The relationship between God and Israel ended when God divorced Israel - Isaiah 50:1-3, Jeremiah 3:1-12

God restores his unfaithful wife - Hosea 1-3 So Malachi 2:16 when God says “I hate

divorce,” he does so as one who personally knows the pain of it, not as a detached moraliser!

The agony of divorce …

Sense of betrayal Loss – a grieving process Damaged childhoods Loss of trust – uncertainty as “permanent”

relationships are broken Complexity of connections that are

partially but rarely totally disconnected:- Memory of sexual union and intimacy Children

• A Release from abuse Adultery Emotional/

physical

The grace of re-marriage Divorce as defined by God released a woman

from marriage in a protected way, thus allowing for an honourable re-marriage.

Purpose: Historically to protect the woman Morally to preserve the fallen human race from

sexual chaos Sociologically: to maintain the care of children

within family homes as stable as possible. Must be founded on humility, honest confession,

forgiveness, tolerance of the “other” and grace.

Marriage as God intended …

Some assumptions … God exists, he is personal, community

orientated (Trinity) and made us for relationships with himself and one another.

God has spoken: God has revealed sufficient absolute truth that we have a basis on which to learn to distinguish between what is right and wrong

God has a plan: God has a definite purpose in all that he does, therefore there are some definite reasons for marriage

Discovering what God intended

Genesis 1:26-31; 2:15-25 Human beings, male and female

reflecting and sharing his glory,as they, being distinctive and different

yet in perfect cooperative harmony, reproduce, work and manage the world

he had created.

Some key aspects of Biblical Marriage

Marriage is of Divine origin Creational – to do with original design for humans Complementary between two different genders

(Matt. 19:4-6) Relational in an exclusive, life-long and specific

sense The social relationship that anchors the wider

community (primary stable care base for children)

Some key aspects of Biblical Marriage

Marriage is Physical as well as emotional, physiological, spiritual

and social Intentionally linked with reproduction and parenting -

has as a fundamental possibility the bearing and raising of children who are the exclusive biological product of the male and female joined in marriage (conjugal definition)

Reflects covenant relationships between God and His people – faithfulness, life-long, exclusive, sacrificial love

At a personal level it is a gift/grace as an alternative to singleness

A biblical definition of marriage“Marriage is an exclusive heterosexual covenant between one man and one woman, ordained and sealed by God, preceded by a public leaving of parents, consummated in sexual union, issuing in a permanent mutually supportive partnership and normally crowned by the gift of children.”

John Stott

Defining yourself … Not by gender or sexuality, because God is

neither male nor female yet both masculinity and femininity find their source and definition in God

Not by married or single status, because marriage is not an eternal entity

But as a child of God part of the “image and likeness of God” on earth

(Creational identity) and “in Christ” (Redemption identity) Galatians 3:25-29

Consequences of sin Curse on serpent – animal world Warfare between Satan and the woman’s

offspring Increased pain in child-bearing

Conflict and tension between woman and man Curse on the ground making production difficult Increased pain in crop/fruit production Certainty of physical death

The key to restoration … submission

The Tree of the knowledge of good and evil… the authority to determine and define what is right or wrongI will do my own thing ..

Jesus Christ“I have not come to do my will but the will of God who sent me …”“My Father … not my will but yours be done.”

Restoring humanity - God’s plan

• By God sharing in our Humanity !Hebrews 2: 10 –18 - Christ died for us

• By Holy Spirit Transformation2 Corinthians 3:18

• By our daily choicesGalatians 5:16-24

Restoration in Christ …The new breed of humanity (2 Cor 5:17) “But in your hearts

set apart Christ as Lord …” 1 Peter 3:15

“… put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.Eph. 4:22-24; Col. 3:10

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” Ephesians 5:15-21

Practical restoration … in marriage

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ”

Ephesians 5:15-21

Husband Wife

Love Respect

Practical restoration … in relationships

Ensure that regarding male/female I am - informed by God’s plan (restoration)- not a pawn in Satan’s hand (destruction)

Resist the contemporary sexualisation of life. Connecting intimacy with other people

to intimacy with God.

Practical restoration … in identity

Learn to follow Christ faithfully with the measure of the gender that I

have.

with the single/married status that I have.

Seeking clarity on God’s intentions …

In God’s plan, why marriage? Genesis 1:24-31; 2:4-9; 15-24; 5:1-3; 9:1-7 – union of the different Matthew 19:1-9 – creational and permanent Ephesians 5:18-33 – The cosmic

significance of marriage 1 Corinthians 7:1-40 – Pastoral instruction

for a fallen world of marriage

Discovering what God intended Humans, both male and female, are “the

image and likeness of God” on earth. Intrinsic equality – made of the same stuff Absolutely necessity - both male and female Marital complexity

Adam given responsibility for Eve But must leave home to be joined to her

(woman taken out of man, but man must re-join with her to fulfil creational purpose) Gen. 2:18-25

Equal, distinct and complementary

A more detailed definition …

Marriage isthe voluntary sexual and public social unionof one man and one womanfrom different families.This union is patterned upon the union of God with his people the bride,the Christ with his church.Intrinsic to this union is God’s calling to lifelong exclusive sexual faithfulness.

Christopher Ash

Understanding Marriage Covenant –leave and cleave Union – one flesh (conjugal union), the union

of distinctly different genders, the union of the two “others”

Image of God – in the union of the different genders there is the more fuller expression of God himself – male and female he made them.

Procreative possibility –creationally fundamental, yet in fallen world not always possible.

Faithfulness in speech & marriage All my words, even more so my promises, should

be faithful and true – and kept! How can I, the peacemaker/reconciler of Matt 5:9,

ever seek a divorce? Read God’s own example - seeking reconciliation with adulterous Israel (Hosea chps 1 & 2) right up to Christ's death.

Recognise the role of grace and forgiveness, without which we will be lost in a legalistic maze of marital disconnections

Understand that the concession (grace) of divorce with the in-built freedom to re-marry is critical.

Discussing Marriage …God’s Purposes for

MarriageDefinition of Marriage

Permissions

Prohibitions

Basis for defining marriage …

Society & its LawsDefinition of Marriage

Permissions

Prohibitions

How and why do people live in

initiate long-term relationships?

God’s Purposes for Marriage

Definition of Marriage

Permissions

Prohibitions

Basis for defining marriage …

The problem …

Eating from the Tree of the knowledge of good and evil… the authority to determine and define

what is right or wrong

I will do my own thing ..

Consequences of sin Curse on serpent – animal world Warfare between Satan and the woman’s

offspring Pain in child-bearing

Conflict and tension between woman and man Curse on the ground making production difficult Pain in crop/fruit production Certainty of physical death

Finding our identity & living in harmony

Men and women:- Understanding the conflict

and recognising my problem

Discovering what God intendedand seeking restoration

Debunking common myths

God is male

Man is superior to Woman

?

?

Debunking common myths God is male ?

God giving birth to the world, the Spirit “brooding” over the waters.

El Shaddai – God, the All-sufficient One God as “Helper” providing for the lack

in the other person – as Eve did to Adam. Jesus as protector, gathering us under

his wings as a hen does.

God is neither male nor female, but both masculinity and femininity

find their source in God.

Debunking common myths

God is male ?

Man is superior to Woman ?

God is neither male nor female, but both masculinity and femininity

find their source in God.Neither is superior to the other:

They were created equal to represent God as partners.

Discovering what God intended Humans, both male and female, are

“the image and likeness of God” on earth.

How do you define yourself?

How do you introduce yourself?I am defined:- by my personal history or by others appreciation of me or by what I do,

What is my image of myself?

False Images … I am God - Genesis 3:5 I am nothing – Genesis 4:14-15Female or Male is God -

Genesis 3:16

What does it mean to be in the Image of God? Genesis 1:26

• Male and female are visible reflections of who God is.• Yet distinct from God – not divine.• Having certain unique capacities unlike animals:-

Intelligent creativity A Developing knowledge Free-will, the ability to rationally/spiritually

choose Able to form human & spirit relationships To love profoundly, intimately and sacrificially

Image of God – What are the implications for life on earth?

• The dignity of human life• Equality among human beings• Universality of Ethics & Morals• Accountability/Responsibility to God• Community

Male/Female equality Male/Female Distinctiveness Male/Female Complementarity

Discovering what God intended Humans, both male and female, are “the

image and likeness of God” on earth. Intrinsic equality – made of the same stuff Absolutely necessary - both male and

female Marital complexity

Adam given responsibility for Eve But must leave home to be joined to her

(woman taken out of man, but man must re-join with her to fulfil creational purpose)

Equal, distinct and complementary

God created human kind in his image (Genesis 1:26)

Balthasar - a clear theological definition of self: “Without God there can be no human person:- Not merely in the sense that it is the divine

creative power and word which has brought human persons into existence,

Or in the sense that the human person is, in some deep mysterious sense, the image of God the absolute person,

But in the sense that it is the relationship to God as transcendent source and goal that calls forth from each individual his or her unique self-hood.”

The Image of God … As God’s Master Plan

• God created human kind in his image• Sin has damaged this image of God in

the human race• God in Christ re-creates the image of

God perfectly in humanity

2. Sin has damaged this image of God in the human race

• Distorted view of God, self & others (1 Cor. 2:11; Jeremiah 17:9)

• Unable to consistently do what is right (Romans 7:15-19)

• Yet still able to be creative & do good (James 3:9; 1 Cor. 11:7)