marlene slabbert - tall trees training

Congratulations on choosing the Tall Trees Parent Profile to explore yourunique parenting style.

Your children are shaped by your unique care, character building andcoaching efforts. Enjoy the journey, and be kind to those who do it

differently.

Parenting is the art of adding your design to the artwork your childalready is in order to leave a legacy that will outlive you.

- The Tall Trees Team -

This test is not a psychometric evaluation. Please read the FAQ section for Practitionerson our webpage - www.talltreestraining.com.

Marlene Slabbert

17 08 2016

TABLE OF CONTENTS

SECTION A: UNDERSTANDING THE TREE TYPES 3

SECTION B: THE VALUE OF FOUR PROFILES 5

SECTION C: YOUR UNIQUE TALL TREES SIGNATURE 7

SECTION C.1 • DISCIPLINE PROFILE 8

FIELDS OF GREATNESS 9

FROSTBITE 11

SECTION C.2 • NURTURING PROFILE 13

FOREST FIRES 14

SECTION C.3 • MENTORING PROFILE 16

FAST FORWARD 17

SECTION C.4 • PARENTING PROFILE 19

FORCES WITHIN 20

FERTILIZER 22

SECTION D: APPRECIATION TREE 24

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SECTION A: UNDERSTANDING THE TREE TYPES

1. Why am I called a tree?A variety of labels and terms have been used to describe personality, temperament, leadership styles and otheraspects of human uniqueness. Many people are wary of any kind of label, however it is impossible to talk aboutpeople without using labels. Father, employer, woman, cousin, teacher... all of these are helpful labels.

The Tree Type Profiles aim to make these inevitable labels positive and reflective of the diversity and beauty ofevery individual. Trees speak of potential growth, seasonal changes and variety. No two rose bushes are thesame. In fact, there are many thousands of rose hybrids and cultivars. The same is true of palms that vary fromtiny indoor varieties to the stately and tall palms that line the beaches of Florida. The same goes for pines andboxwood or Boxwood trees.

2. Why the specific four trees?Hettie Brittz, the developer of the Tree Type Profiles, chose tree names that would capture some of the keycharacteristics of the four basic temperament types and that would be easy to remember:

The Rose Bushes

Full of flowers that remind us of the rosettes worn by winners, as the Roses tend to be competitiveparticipators. They can be a bit prickly, though, being so independent, frank and confident.

The Pine Trees

As calm and refreshing as the fragrance we inhale when strolling through a pine forest, these peace- lovingindividuals also bring people together in the way we gather around the Christmas pine.

The Palm Trees

Associated with sunny holiday destinations, these “trees” love the fun side of life.

The Boxwood Trees

They represent those of us who are perfectly “pruned” and decorative – the shaped examples of the higheststandard. Not a leaf or twig out of place.

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3. Why am I a strange combination?

Our make-up as people reflects what we were created for. Our Tree Type, therefore, will be as unique as ourdestiny. The four trees represent the four core types, each of which can be the one dominant type in an individualor combined two-two (for example Pine-Rose) or three-three (for example the Pine-Box-Rose, which we call theContra-Palm for being everything but Palm) and some individuals even have all four in their make-up.

4. How can I learn more about my “tree type” andthat of others?There are several ways to learn more:

1. Read a book. The first Tree Type Profile was developed as part of the book Growing Kidswith Character 2.0. by Hettie Brittz in order to help parents understand the role of theparent-child relationship. This top-seller has transformed families and marriages bybringing greater understanding about our different “dialects”, needs and strengths. Thebook is still a valuable resource of temperament information with separate chapters foradults and children.

2. Contact a Tall Trees Facilitator and attend a Tall Trees workshop. These workshops givean up-close-and-personal look at the main tree types, as well as the combinations. Anadded benefit of attending a workshop is the experiential learning with and from others,while having a lot of fun. Booking a workshop is as easy as clicking on the “workshop” tabor contacting your nearest facilitator. Invite those you wish to understand better or host it atyour workplace.

3. Consider inviting others to do an online profile, too, and compare your results for helpfulinformation. You might discover that your communication styles are so dissimilar that it isno wonder that you have regular misunderstandings, or you might find that you have avery compatible mentoring style, explaining how effortlessly you can prioritise goalstogether.

4. Please visit www.evergreenparenting.co.za for more information on courses and for CD's,DVD's and related resources on the topics of temperament and parenting.

5. Why is our spelling inconsistent?Tall Trees Leadership Profiles were developed in South Africa where our English has both American andEuropean influences. Some terms are spelled differently in British English than in American English (e.g.behaviour vs. behavior, colourful vs. colorful, and Fertiliser vs. Fertilizer). Working internationally, we have chosento use mainly British English but to use the American form where words have two acceptable spellings in SouthAfrican dictionaries. Some punctuation rules may also differ from your style guide. It is too costly, unfortunately, tohave a separate version for every language preference. We apologize and apologise to the language expertswho may have the urge to take up a red pen! That being said, please let us know if you see a bona fide error. Wedo want the reading of your report to be a joy.

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SECTION B: THE VALUE OF FOUR PROFILES

What is the difference between temperament,personality or leadership styles and character?

At Tall Trees Profiles, we embrace the fact that all of us were born with a certain temperament. It is simplythe way in which you are wired. Your temperament characteristics portray your thoughts, emotions andbehaviour and are needs-based.

Personality is derived from the Latin word persona which means mask. Personality is learned behaviour. Itcan then also be called a style profile – behaviour learnt to be able to cope in a certain environment / role /position, as is determined in your Tall Trees profiles. Therefore, your different parenting profiles are not thesame as your temperament, although we believe that your Tall Trees Parenting Profile is usually veryindicative of your true temperament. Florence Littauer puts it this way: “My temperament is the real me; mypersonality is the dress I put on over me”. Personality is how you express yourself to others and is usuallythe basis on which first impressions are built.

Character is the way a person chooses to perform good or bad, right or wrong in their lives. It is the waypeople think about and handle right and wrong. Character is thus formed by influenced behaviour (parents,church, school, role models). Sources claim that 50% of a child's character already exists at age 5; whereas70% of character is already formed at age 7. Robert Rohm describes it best when he says: “An individual'spersonality style does not determine if he is of good or bad character. His character determines how hehandles his personality style.”

Have you ever felt that a personality or parenting profile could capture how you care for your children'sneeds, but not how you discipline them? Sometimes a test or parenting profile forces you to choose onecontext – toddler training or teen mentoring. The report then becomes half a picture of a whole person,doesn't it? That is the challenge of any profile – profiles tend to be one-dimensional. The Tall Trees ParentingProfile endeavours to give a 3-dimensional perspective on you as a parent, taking into account how youfunction as a disciplinarian, a nurturer and a mentor for your children.

We acknowledge that parenting is not just making rules, celebrating birthday parties and signing permissionslips -- parenting is an approach to raising the next generation of adults in the best way you know how. It is ajourney that can stretch over decades. Therefore, your parenting profile will touch on various phases ofparenting - from before your children's birth to after their departure from your home. Parenting is forever!

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DISCIPLINE PROFILE

Your discipline profile relates to how you handle misbehaviour, rules and routine. Hereit will become evident how firm your grip is. Do you expect conformation and absoluteobedience or are you flexible and accommodating when it comes to your child's willand choices? Are you a natural at laying down the law or do you find it hard to enforceconsistent boundaries for your child's behaviour?

NURTURING PROFILE

Your nurturing profile gives clues to how you handle the daily emotional and physicalneeds of your child. It explores how you speak, cuddle, comfort, care and protect yourchild. It predicts how you would deal with your and your child's feelings during conflictas well as bonding times. Will you face conflict head-on, or do your best to keep thepeace?

MENTORING PROFILE

Your mentoring profile relates to what you view as the key elements of good parenting.It will reflect what you regard as success in this area of your life. What you want toteach your child, build into his or her character and equip him or her with for theirjourney into adulthood will become evident in this profile. Here you will gain insight intothe aspects that may need to be adjusted in order to guide your children well.

TALL TREES PARENTING PROFILE

Your Tall Trees Parenting Profile is a combination of the other profiles and thus gives abroader view of you as parent. We use this profile to predict what you need tofunction at your best, as well as the unique strengths that you have been blessed with.

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SECTION C: YOUR UNIQUE TALL TREES SIGNATURE

Dear Marleneyour Tall Trees Parenting Profile is a

Rose BushParenting is the art of adding your design to the artwork your child already is in order to leave a

legacy that will outlive you.

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SECTION C.1 . DISCIPLINE PROFILE

Your DISCIPLINE PROFILE relates to how you handle misbehaviour, rules and routine. Here it willbecome evident how firm your grip is. Do you expect conformation and absolute obedience or areyou flexible and accommodating when it comes to your child's will and choices? Are you a natural atlaying down the law or do you find it hard to enforce consistent boundaries for your child's behaviour?

Please keep the following in mind: This description is based on what parents with your personality stylewould naturally exhibit when disciplining their kids. If you are a grandparent, step parent, foster parent ora parent who has been influenced heavily by others' parenting ideas, you may have adapted your naturalstyle significantly. Read the below Rose Bush discipline profile and if it does not align well with yourexperience, ask yourself if and why you may be parenting in contrast to your nature. Your kids may be tooyoung for discipline (age 0 to 18 months is more of a nurturing than a discipline phase) or they may be tooold for your hands-on management of their behavior. In that case, it would be quite alright if you don't yetor no longer use this typical Rose Bush discipline approach. Your nurturing and mentoring styles may hitcloser to a bull's-eye description of your parenting! An Evergreen Parenting Course or workshop can helpyou understand discipline phases in your child's life. Let us know if you'd like a referral!

Your discipline style is that of a Rose Bush, making you an extremely focused child trainer. You embracebeing the parent and probably even value the days when your children challenge you. Winning thosebattles affirms your authority in the household and gives you a sense of moving in the right direction withyour children. Your spouse or fellow caregivers likely back off in discipline situations, knowing that you willstep up. You may not involve yourself with every detail of what you expect of your kids, but you are sure totell them clearly what to do and to check up on the important things.

Even when opposed by a tantrum or a teen tirade, you’ll likely stand your ground and refuse to be pulledinto extensive arguments. You’re the most likely parent to say: “Because I said so.” Your expectations willbe high and you may forget your children are still children. Few excuses will work to convince you to havegrace and patience with immature behavior.

If the same issue with a child keeps coming up and your efforts don’t make a difference, you’re likely tomake a decision to move on to the next thing, though. Even though you are decisive in your parenting, youalso have a tendency to walk away from an exhausting or tedious situation. “OK, I’m leaving. We’ll seehow you manage without a parent!” is what you may be tempted to think, say or even act on. You’re notgiving up on discipline; you’re simply changing your strategy or waiting for the right time to act.

Having to cope with single parenting or taking the lead in discipline is not a debilitating blow for you,because it affords you the luxury of disciplining your kids your way. Sharing the discipline task with anotherparent who takes an opposite approach, frustrates you.

When you give consequences for misbehavior, you expect opposition and emotion – two things you caneasily ignore. You separate love from law quite easily. You don’t need your child to like you and agree withyou, as your conviction weighs more than your popularity. In thinking ahead about the good long termoutcome of your training in your child’s life, you can set aside the discomfort of the moment.

Whatever house rules, discipline measures, consequences and rewards you decide to implement in yourhome, they will be logical. You don’t follow tips and tricks unless they make sense. Emotional and moralparenting ideas may sit uncomfortably with you until you see the practical benefit in your home. You can’tbe talked into these – you seek proof.

If you view parenting as one of your key roles, you’ll have a hard time taking off your discipline hat oncethe children are old enough to make their own decisions.

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FIELDS OFGREATNESS

These are theparenting tasksandresponsibilitieswhich you are anatural at.

This is where andwhen you shouldbe the primaryparent.

Play these partswith confidence.

When your family is headed for major changes (you enjoy it!)

Where a hundred and one things happen at once and prioritiesmust be set

When someone needs to keep perspective during turmoil

When your family gets distracted by short-term matters andneeds reminding of important concerns

Where someone needs to turn around a family crisis by takingan immovable stand

Where you can enter "new territory" with your family and be apioneer

When your family is tired and need a strong person to lean on

Where decisions with vast implications need to be made fast

When a defiant or oppositional child needs boundaries

When an unsure child needs direction and leadership

When serious family problems need bold and daring solutions

When a family member falls away suddenly and someoneneeds to step up

EMBRACE YOURFIELDS OFGREATNESS

Which FIELDS OF GREATNESS feel like your ideal tasks andsituations?

Mark the applicable bullets.

If you are unsure, ask your spouse or a close friend: "In which ofthese tasks and situations have you seen me do well?"

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EXPLOREYOURFIELDS OFGREATNESS

Look at one statement you embraced at a time. Now EXPLORE:

1. When was the last time this FIELDOF GREATNESS brought joy to yourhousehold?

2. How does this correlate with theFORCES WITHIN that you selected onpage 20?

3. Who is your parenting role model?Which aspect(s) of his/her examplewould you like to follow in making themost of this FIELD OF GREATNESS?

4. How does this FIELD OFGREATNESS help or hurt your familyrelationships?

5. Is there a link between these andyour current approach to parenting?

6. If applicable, explore your spouse’sFIELDS OF GREATNESS. How can youshare the parenting tasks wiselybetween you?

EXPLAINYOURFIELDS OFGREATNESS

Look at one statement you embraced at a time. Now EXPLAIN:

1. Who should you tell about theseFIELDS OF GREATNESS, in order forthem to let you parent from yourstrengths?

2. Which friends or family membersneed to know about these situations inwhich you can help or serve? Will youoffer to serve?

3. Which of your FIELDS OFGREATNESS are impacting yourhousehold positively? Do yousometimes celebrate this?

4. Do you need to speak to a life coachor therapist about making the best useof these FIELDS OF GREATNESS?

EXPANDYOURFIELDS OFGREATNESS

Look at one statement you embraced at a time. Now EXPAND:

1. Whose biography, autobiography,research or quotes can you read forinspiration to excel even more in thisFIELD OF GREATNESS?

2. Which training, study or exercisescan you pursue to maximise this skill?

3. Where in your family life andfriendships can these FIELDS OFGREATNESS be used more effectively?

4. How can you leave a legacy for the followinggenerations using your FIELDS OFGREATNESS?

5. Which bullet points on your FIELDS OFGREATNESS list did you NOT embrace? Aresome of them skills you are willing to work atacquiring? They may very well be within yourreach!

6. Which parenting responsibilities can youhand over to your spouse or a family memberwhose FIELDS OF GREATNESS differs greatlyfrom yours?

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FROSTBITE

These situationsbend you out ofshape and drainyou as a parent.

Delegate andmanage thesefrustrations aswell as you can,withoutneglecting yourrole as caregiver.

Children's crying, negativity, moaning or nagging - especiallyin a whiney voice

Underachievement: when your children don't perform as wellas you think they can

When you have to do things for your children that you thinkare not "your job"

Your children questioning your instructions or rules

Drawn-out conversations with your children about things youthink are unimportant

Losing control over your children and/or yourself in disciplinesituations

Having to explain something over and over again

Having to wait for kids who are slow, late or struggling

Overly emotional situations with your children

Having to respect teachers and authority figures who makemistakes with your children

When your children don't listen attentively while you speak

When your children change their minds or can't make theirown choices

EMBRACEYOURFROSTBITE

Mark the bullets that reflect the things you know hamper yourhappiness and fulfilment.

Be brutally honest.

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EXPLOREYOURFROSTBITE


1. How many of these unpleasantthings are currently present in yourfamily life? What does that mean foryour wellness?

2. Pick one that you can avoid bymaking a firm decision to change ahousehold habit today.

3. Who close to you causes youFROSTBITE, on purpose orunknowingly?

4. Read the FROSTBITE list of yourspouse, teens or other family members.Explore whether you sometimes causeFROSTBITE in their lives.

5. Compare the number of fulfilledneeds from your FERTILIZER list withthe number of FROSTBITE itemscurrently affecting your life. Does thisexplain your current stress levels or levelof happiness?

EXPLAINYOURFROSTBITE


1. Should you show your FROSTBITElist to someone in your family who maybe causing you frustration withoutmeaning to?

2. Whose FROSTBITE list should youask for, so that you don’t cause themharm?

3. Do you owe anyone in yourhousehold an apology for causingFROSTBITE in their lives?

4. Whose help can you ask to avoidburnout as a result of low FERTILIZERand high FROSTBITE levels? Asking forhelp is brave and humble, not weak.

EXPANDYOURFROSTBITE


1. What strategies can you implementin your home to lessen your exposure tothese FROSTBITE elements?

2. Which are unavoidable? How canyou learn to accept them? If you can’t,who can support or defend you?

3. Can you attend a programme or seea therapist that will help you deal withthese unpleasant issues? Are you willingto work towards solutions?

4. Do you know another parent whoshares your type of profile who hasovercome some of these challenges?Learn from them!

5. Are you willing to protect your familymembers from FROSTBITE by being anadvocate for them?

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SECTION C.2 . NURTURING PROFILE

The NURTURING PROFILE gives clues to how you handle the daily emotional and physical needs ofyour child. It explores how you speak, cuddle, comfort, care and protect your child. It predicts how youwould deal with your and your child's feelings during conflict as well as bonding times. Will you faceconflict head-on, or do your best to keep the peace?

Your Nurturing Profile suits the characteristics of a Rose Bush. You don’t need your children to be presentand close all the time. You aim to manage the amount of time spent in hands-on-parenting to yourcapacity at the given time. You can be actively providing in daily needs one minute – changing diapers,dressing toddlers, fixing snacks, driving teens to sports – and decide you’ve had enough the next minute.Delegating these chores to another adult then is easier for you than for many other parents who wouldrather be the constantly present caregiver.

You’ll try to maintain many aspects of your “life before children” once you have a family. You’re unlikely toallow babies, young kids, teens or grown children to determine the seasons of your life. You probably don’tdefine yourself in that way. As a result your needs at this stage may sometimes cloud your vision to theextent that you may miss theirs.

When there are two parenting tasks before you – one involving giving TLC for half an hour and onedemanding a quick fix without hugs and kisses, you may opt for the latter nine times out of ten. Somesentimental, emotional and physical nurturing needs exhaust you: sitting by a frightened child’s bed allnight; holding a crying teen in a drawn-out hug, writing a long letter for a child who’s away from home orhaving extended conversations about things in your child’s life that you regard as trivial or childish.

Parenting would be easier for you if you spoke, kids listened and obeyed, understood and reasonedlogically without talking back too much. It would be even better if they never cried, complained, becamehungry ant tired, needed a restroom or asked silly questions. If you think about it, it would be easier if theygrew up fast and understood and embraced your ideas. This means that the high-maintenance phase istough for you.

Many Rose Bush parents admit that they struggle to form a bond with their children until they are oldenough to have conversations with them. Then the conversations easily become arguments and by thetime the kids are old enough to be treated as adults the relationship is wonderful, or, if the conflict went ontoo long, there is little left of the relationship. This is where your Rose Bush thorns cannot be leftunchecked.

Even at bedtime or birthday celebrations, your words have a target to hit. Chit-chat seems like a waste.You speak your mind and may forget how powerful the impact of those words are. Your children may needmore gentle words and nurturing touch than you naturally give. If you could manage to set aside yourstrong persona and wear a softer self, they’ll be more likely to open their hearts to your encouraging wordsand even to your advice and correction.

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FOREST FIRES

These statementswill help you takean honest look atyourcommunicationstyle and yourapproach toconflict with yourchild.

Let's talk!

You are comfortable to give orders and corrections

You don't beat around the bush

You may find it hard to listen attentively to little kids or to longstories that seem to have no point

You feel the need to correct mistakes in what your children sayand do, sometimes with unnecessary sarcasm

You leave out details so that you can get to the point faster andyou wish others would do the same

You avoid emotional and sentimental conversations with yourchildren

You could be so set on making your point that you spoilmoments that could have been special bonding times withyour children

You don't avoid conflict; you sometimes head into it onpurpose in order to "clear the air", which can be intimidating

You may look down on a child who communicates slower,softer and less confidently than you

You may be prone to losing your temper and using harshwords with your kids

You can become hurtful when you fight to win at the cost ofharmony in the home

You can be a clear and powerful communicator when youadapt your tone and timing to fit the situation

EMBRACEYOUR FORESTFIRES

Read through the bullet points about your emotional andcommunication characteristics.

Do you agree?

Mark the truths about you.

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EXPLOREYOURFORESTFIRES


1. Are any of these FOREST FIREShard for you to read about yourself?

2. Have you experienced relationshipbreakdown as a result?

3. What aspect of your approach toconflict is nevertheless helpful?

4. Who in your household has theopposite FOREST FIRES to yours? Areyou willing to adapt your style tocommunicate effectively with them?

5. Does any aspect of your FOREST FIREScause FROSTBITE to those close to you?

6. Put your FOREST FIRES next to theirFERTILIZER and see how you can make lifeeasier for them.

7. Which speaking skill or listening skill isyour best asset in your parent-child-relationships?

8. When communicating with your family,how do you think you come across? Alsoconsider your body language and facialexpressions when answering.

EXPLAINYOURFORESTFIRES


1. Who’s FOREST FIRES list would youneed to see to understand and reducethe conflict in your family?

2. Which members in the householdshould you apologize to forcommunicating in a hurtful way?

3. What part of the way youcommunicate comes over differentlyfrom how you mean it? To whom shouldyou explain this?

4. Who in the household should youthank for using effective communicationwith you?

5. Would you ask your family tocommunicate more directly or moreindirectly, more written or more spoken?Why?

6. What about your emotionalresponses should your nearest anddearest know?

EXPANDYOURFORESTFIRES


1. Should you discuss anycommunication or emotional challengeswith a professional or family counsellor?

2. Make a chart with the top twoemotional and/or communication needsof at least three people in yourhousehold or family circle. Put it where itcan remind you how to speak to them.

3. List the two skills you want to workon in your communication style andinvite someone to give feedback aboutyour progress after a month.

4. Which course or books may help youin your parent-child-relationships?

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SECTION C.3 . MENTORING PROFILE

Your mentoring profile relates to what you view as the key elements of good parenting. It will reflectwhat you regard as success in this area of your life. What you want to teach your child, build into hisor her character and equip him or her with for their journey into adulthood will become evident in thisprofile. Here you will gain insight into the aspects that may need to be adjusted in order to guide yourchildren well.

You have the Mentoring style of a Rose Bush, making you the parent who sees parenting as a project. Youwant improvement and results in your children. You are fine with the challenges, because you believe allgood things come at a price. Parenting does not need to be easy to be worth all your input and effort.

You welcome every new phase in your child’s life as a mark of growth. Around each bend is a newopportunity to coach your child for real life. If these new seasons bring new difficulties, you’ll face themhead-on. You’re the likely parent to notice the need for extra classes, a better coach, a move to a newschool or a change in friends, because you are the one who constantly looks for ways to a better outcome.Occasionally in this process your children can’t help but feel like a project to be improved on instead of aperson to be loved and accepted.

If you have a content, peaceful child who cares little about achievement and competition, your mentoringstyle may clash with this child’s design. Mentoring them to the top of a mountain they never intended toclimb, can prove to look like a success at first, but like a burnt bridge over time. Your sheer willpower maynot be well received and your goals may not be appropriate for them. If your child has a disability or illnessthat hampers growth and potential, you’ll have a hard time adjusting your mentoring style to a lowerexpectation.

Your realism about life will make you into a mentor who wants to bring the best out of your children at alltimes. Even when they are still young you will be pointing them to the future and to adulthood. You’ll wantthem to be ready for the life that awaits beyond their eighteenth birthday and your front door.

Losing control and having no influence are scary thoughts in your world. If a child should ever throw youoff like a horse does its rider, you’ll be very firm in trying to regain the upper hand, sometimes using forceinstead of forging a stronger relational bond in order to have the horse welcome you back in the saddle, soto speak.

You’ll aim the mentoring of your children at instilling strong character and emotional control. When yourchildren seem ungrateful, you have the ability to become very strict. You’d want them to be driven,responsible and diligent. You have a big picture in the back of your mind about the “successful child.” Ifyou should discover along the way that your children can’t be mentored into being that ideal, you will needacceptance, empathy, open-mindedness, respect and the ability to embrace their uniqueness.

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FAST FORWARD

These FASTFORWARDgrowth points willmake you aneven betterparent if you canovercome someof the challengesin your particularprofile.

Regard them asseeds for growingcharacter andgaining maturity.

Are you ready togo forward fast?

Give more attention to your children's needs if you want morerespect from them

"Naughty" children can become very active helpers. Keepthem on your side!

Your kids that aren't fast-paced and determined like you, aredifferent, not wrong. Let them teach you patience

Blind obedience is hard - even for kids. Be willing to givereasons for your rules

Admitting your mistakes to a child is not weakness. It ismeekness and has a great reward

A delayed response teaches your child consequences; aquick-fire reaction teaches your child to stay out of your"range of fire". Calmness is key

Controlling people can be manipulative and even evil. Controlyourself first, certain circumstances second, and your childrenonly when absolutely necessary

Your children's trust in you will be based on whether they cancount on your visible and tangible love; not just on yourcorrection or direction

Acknowledge your children's contributions to your life - evenin the small things

Regularly answer this question honestly: "Am I achievingsuccess at the cost of my children?"

Taking a break from work will not set an example of laziness toyour children, but rather of balance and wisdom

Don't be too proud to ask for help on this parenting journey.Parenting makes us all humble, which in turn gives us the rightto exercise our parental authority

EMBRACEYOUR FASTFORWARD

IMPORTANT: If there is a big difference between your Mentor Profileand your other profiles, you may not identify with the bullet pointsunder the FAST FORWARD heading! They are based on the assumption that your life view will drive yourstrongest behaviours, but if you have grown and adapted much, youmay have overcome many of these challenges already. Examine theremaining habits in order to grow. Mark only those you agree youneed to work on.

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EXPLOREYOUR FASTFORWARD


1. Are they very few? Does your MentorProfile differ from your Discipline andNurture Profiles because you wereraised to approach life in a certain way,in spite of your personality?

2. If so, do you feel you have gained bythat, or do you feel you have lost a bit ofyourself in the process?

3. Have you been through tough times thatchanged your life view and therefore alsoskewed your Mentor Profile?

4. Are you spiritually mature and have youperhaps already grown in many of theseareas?

5. Which two areas (if any) would you like togrow in the most? What impact do these twoareas have on your family life?

EXPLAINYOUR FASTFORWARD


1. Do you have the courage to ask yourspouse or family which areas they wouldlike to see you grow in? Ask them tomonitor your growth and to give youhonest feedback.

2. Which members of your householdmay have been hurt by the habits onyour FAST FORWARD list?

3. Would you like to thank other parentsfor already having helped you grow inthese areas?

4. Whose FAST FORWARD would youlike to see? Will you encourage them ontheir FAST FORWARD growth pathwithout criticism?

5. Would you consider asking God totransform you from the inside out?

EXPANDYOUR FASTFORWARD


1. Who in the family circle will gain themost when you grow in these areas?

2. Which workshops can you attend topractice these new parenting skills?

3. What kind of a parent will you be fiveyears from now if you follow this growthplan successfully?

4. How will your family life change if youcan master at least a few of thesegrowth points?

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SECTION C.4 . PARENTING PROFILE

Your TALL TREES PARENTING PROFILE is a combination of the other profiles and thus gives abroader view of you as parent. We use this profile to predict what you need to function at your best,as well as the unique strengths that you have been blessed with.

Your overall parenting style is that of a Rose Bush. Your nature is to lead and take responsibility of keydecisions, making parenting less daunting for you than for many of the other “tree types.” You probably setout on the journey with confidence that it is a job you can do. If you did have fears, they would have comefrom the uncertainty about the emotional and hands-on aspects of parenting and the reality that it is time-consuming and relentless.

Your children look up to you – sometimes because you have proven that you can be forceful when needed,but hopefully mostly because you act with the dignity and authority that come with your right to parentthem. If this authority is based on real love and devotion, your strong parenting style will become a safeplace rather than a place of abuse or unhealthy control. Your challenge will come in at the balance point ofgentle care and firm discipline. If these can be kept on equal bases, your kids will reap the benefits ofgrowing up with respect and responsibility.

Your drive will ensure that your children grow up with a model of determination. You’re likely to remaincommitted and involved in your children’s lives even into adulthood. You avoid the nitty-gritty details whenyou can, by delegating some aspects of parenting to helpers in a support system, while keeping tabs onthe aspects you regard as the most important ones.

If your children achieve success and remain healthy and positive, parenting will seem easy to you. Thechallenges will be tougher when there are time-consuming troubles or problems beyond your control thataffect your children adversely.

Your desire to see your kids mature fast, may make you expect too much too soon. You don’t naturally givea lot of compliments and encouragement along the way, waiting for them to do exactly what you want.Perhaps being more accepting of their imperfect efforts will add to a sense that they are lovedunconditionally. Allowing them times of less scrutiny and training where they can just relax with you, willimprove your relationship tremendously. When they feel valued as individuals, they will always give aparent like you their very best.

In summary a Rose Bush parent like you will be protective of your baby, strict with a toddler and pre-schooler, a tough trainer for your school-going kids, reluctant to let your teens make their own decisions,but someday the proud parent of responsible grown children.

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FORCES WITHIN

These are yourunique parentingstrengths.

You make yourhome a betterplace by usingthese naturalgifts.

It's your thing!

Courage to take on new parental responsibilities

Determination, even when children are difficult and life is hard

A strong will which enables you to parent even wilful ormanipulative children

The ability to get a lot done in and outside of the home

Competitiveness with which you take your family to excellence

The ability to parent alone or with little help

Willingness to take on responsibility for your household andchildren

An affinity for practical and innovative problem-solving

A commanding style that makes you a natural disciplinarian

Forward thinking and drive to make sure the family neverstagnates

Strong decision-making skills and the willingness to bearconsequences

A steadfast approach which makes your family trust and followyour lead

EMBRACEYOUR FORCESWITHIN

Read through one bullet point at a time. Which are true about you?Embrace them by marking each point that applies to you.

To you your FORCES WITHIN are natural; in the eyes of those wholack these skills they are supernatural!

Be humbly grateful and celebrate these gifts in your unique design

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EXPLOREYOURFORCESWITHIN


1. How do you feel about having thisstrength?

2. Who in your extended family circleshares this strength with you?

3. How do they use this gift to parent, torelate and to serve?

4. How does this strength benefit you oryour children?

5. Can this strength be harmful if“overplayed?” How?

6. Whose FORCES WITHIN do you need toexplore for the sake of the relationship orteamwork in the family?

EXPLAINYOURFORCESWITHIN


1. Who should know that you have thisstrength in order to use your gift to theirbenefit?

2. How can you tell others about thisstrength without boasting?

3. Who has seen this gift in you before?Ask them to give you feedback aboutyour growth in this area.

4. Who in your household deserves anapology from you for being hurt by youusing this strength too little or too much?

5. Looking at the profiles of your familymembers, whose FORCES WITHIN willyou encourage and appreciate?

6. Who in the household have strengthscompletely different from yours?

7. Will you create opportunities for yourchildren’s or spouse’s strengths if theycannot create these themselves?

EXPANDYOURFORCESWITHIN


1. Using these particular strengths thatyou have marked, what legacy wouldyou like to leave for your children?

2. Look at the bullet points you DIDNOT mark. Are you willing to pick one towork on?

3. Which of the ones you DID mark areneglected at this point in time? Where,when and how can you serve yourhousehold by applying them more?

4. Look at any characteristic you did notlike, but DID mark. Read more about itor discuss it with a mentor until youknow how to turn it into a positive trait.

5. Are you using your strengths to yourfamily’s utmost advantage?

6. Could your self-esteem be linked tohow many or few of your strengths areused/needed/appreciated?

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FERTILIZER

These are yourneeds.

When met, theyhelp you tofunction at yourbest.

They help youstay motivatedand effective.

Make sure youhave plenty ofthis in your life.

Seeing fast results when you put in effort with your children

Parenting responsibilities that are clearly yours to manage,without interference by other adults

Having property, space and time to yourself, that you don'tneed to share

Respect from your children for what you contribute to thehousehold

Immediate and complete obedience from your children

Acknowledgment for your part in your children's achievements

Permission to skip tasks in the home that don't seem to havepermanent impact

Tasks and achievements beyond the scope of parenthood, sothat you can occasionally set aside your parenting role andtake a break

Permission to skip the occasional social event when you seeno purpose in attending it

Acknowledgment that in some areas you make the bestdecisions for your family

The right to question parenting advice and expectations untilthey make sense to you

The sense that you and your children are "getting somewhere"and growing

EMBRACEYOURFERTILIZER

Read through one bullet point at a time.

Think about whether it applies to you.

Embrace and mark those that are true about you.

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EXPLOREYOURFERTILIZER


1. Have family or friends ever made youfeel ashamed for needing thisFERTILIZER?

2. How many of the selected items doyou regularly experience within yourcurrent family life?

3. Are any of these completely absentfrom your household?

4. How “full” or “empty” do you feeltoday? Do you think it relates to howmuch FERTILIZER you experience atpresent?

5. Who or which situations provide or couldpossibly provide them the best?

6. What can YOU do to get moreFERTILIZER even if your currentcircumstances and people around you DONOT change?

7. Whose FERTILIZER are you willing toexplore in order to help them be their best?

EXPLAINYOURFERTILIZER


1. Who should see this FERTILIZER listin order to understand your needsbetter?

2. Which two items of FERTILIZER doyou need the most? Who can you ask tohelp you fulfil your need for it?

3. Whose top two FERTILIZER needswould you be willing to accept and try tofulfil?

4. Who in your household is trying togive you FERTILIZER but keeps doing itwrongly? Are you willing to give themkind and humble guidance to do itbetter?

5. Are you, in turn, willing to becorrected by family members when youare not attentive to their needs?

6. Is there anyone you should thanktoday for helping to meet your needs?

EXPANDYOURFERTILIZER


1. We parent in seasons, depending onthe age of our children – babies,toddlers, teens, teenagers, etc. Howdoes the current age of your childrenimpact on the FERTILIZER you need?

2. Are there activities, hobbies,community efforts or volunteer work thatcould provide some FERTILIZER that ismissing from your family life?

3. Could you perhaps take initiative bygiving your nearest and dearest theirFERTILIZER first, and in so doing createa relationship that fulfils your needs aswell?

4. Unfulfilled needs can make youvulnerable to temptation. How will youguard your heart and your keyrelationships against this?

5. Are you willing to learn to get alongwithout some FERTILIZER, with thehelp of mentors or God or further insightinto yourself?

6. How will things change if you expectless FERTILIZER from your family andtake more responsibility for your ownneeds?

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SECTION D: APPRECIATION TREE

The fruit of the Appreciation TreeThe Appreciation Tree exercise **, when done with honest reflection, reveals to us where we stand in ourrelationships. This is where we will begin on the road towards true appreciation for all trees as tall trees. Valuingthose whom we once did not respect, accept or understand, requires a conscious decision, after all.

Do you have reservations about measuring your relationships in this way? Would you rather not identify theindividuals that you find hard to respect and appreciate? It can seem unnecessary, however, choosing to skip thisstep may become a choice to sweep the issues under the rug instead of facing what is placing strain on theserelationships.

No reflection = no decision = no action = no growth.

** Adapted from the Valuing Ladder of DiSC by Inscape Publishing, with permission

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Look at the phrases associated with each level of relationship as a guide to plot the relationships that youwould like to grow in. Use signs, initials or names to make notes of where you stand with each of theseindividuals. Diarise a date when you will revisit this page to re-evaluate your relationships and to gage yourgrowth.

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Thank you for taking the Tall Trees Parenting journey with us.

We trust that this information helped you to grow by embracing,exploring, explaining and expanding your unique parentingqualities in your family relationships.

If you have any questions or need some advice, please send usan email at [email protected].

Enjoy your family!

Best wishes,

The Tall Trees Team

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