manology by tyrese gibson & rev. run - read an excerpt!

7/29/2019 MANOLOGY by Tyrese Gibson & Rev. Run - read an excerpt!

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3/19

ManologySecrets of Your Mans Mind Revealed

Tyrese Gibson

and

Rev Run

with Chris Morrow

a TouchsTone Book

Publ is hed by Simon & Schus ter

New York Lo ndon Toronto Sydney New De lhi
http://bit.ly/Wi2Q2N


4/19

ouchstone

A Division of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

1230 Avenue of the Americas

New York, NY 10020

Copyright 2013 by yrese Gibson and Joseph Simmons

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book

or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information address

ouchstone Subsidiary Rights Department,

1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020.

First ouchstone hardcover edition February 2013

OUCHSONE and colophon are registered trademarks of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

For information about special discounts for bulk purchases,

please contact Simon & Schuster Special Sales at 1-866-506-1949

or [email protected].

Te Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau can bring authors to your live event.

For more information or to book an event contact the

Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau at 866-248-3049

or visit our website at www.simonspeakers.com.

Designed by Ruth Lee-Mui

Manufactured in the United States of America

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

yrese.

Manology : secrets of your mans mind revealed / by yrese Gibson and Rev Run.

pages cm

1. Man-woman relationships. 2. MenPsychology. 3. Interpersonal relations.

I. Simmons, Joseph. II. itle.

HQ801.97 2013

155.3'32dc23 2012047118

ISBN 978-1-4516-8184-0

ISBN 978-1-4516-8186-4 (ebook)


5/19

xv

inTroducTion

Tyrese

As I write this, my daughter Shayla is ve years old. Shes a beau-

tiul, intelligent, inquisitive, and vivacious little girl, ull o lie

and love. Without a doubt, she is, and always will be, the love o

my lie.

When I put her to bed, I have her say the ollowing arma-tions with me:

Whos the greatest little girl in the whole world?

Shayla, she responds.

Who can be anything they want to be when they grow up?

Shayla.

Who loves you unconditionally more than anything in the

world?

My daddy!


6/19

Introduction

xv i

I have Shayla repeat those words not only because she is

beautiul, and she is the greatest (at least in my admittedly biased

eyes), and she can be anything she wants to be when she grows

up, and I do love her more than anything, but also because I know

that i I dont reenorce those acts in her mind, eventually certain

people she meets or certain things that she may be exposed to or

experience in the world might trick her into thinking otherwise.

Or more specically, men will.

I believe that almost all little girls start o believing that theyare smart and beautiul and can accomplish anything, but ar too

many have much o that beauty, condence, and optimism stolen

by some o the men they encounter.

Maybe its a daddy who leaves one day and then never comes

back. Maybe its an uncle or preacher who steals not only their

innocence but much, much more. Maybe its a teenage lover who

whispers sweet nothings in her ear but then steps out behind her

back. Maybe later on its a boyriend wholl never commit, or a

husband who does but then still doesnt want to stay at home.

No matter what the situation, it seems like in a blink a beau-

tiul, condent young girl can be transormed into a sel-doubting

and despairing woman, not because there is anything inherently

wrong with her but because she could never gure out the menin her lie.

Tats why this book is about stopping that slide and helping

women regain that condence and positive outlook.

Not because all men are cheaters, manipulators, or pimps. No,

as Reverend Run and I hope to show you, there are plenty o good

men out there.

Instead, the truth is that no matter what heights your rela-

tionships have soared to, or depths theyve sunk to, there is always


7/19

Introduction

xvii

more you can learn about the men in your lie. Unortunately, in

this society we tend to stunt that growth by not conronting some

very basic, and sometimes raw, truths about men and their rela-

tionship to women.

As youll see, I happen to loveconronting truth. When I pray

at night, the number one thing I ask to be blessed with is clar-

ity, no matter what it reveals. As was mentioned in the opening

prayer, its impossible to be stressed or depressed about situations

and relationships that you have clarity on. Having grown uparound people who hid rom the truth and spent their lives con-

used and unclear, I never want to live like that.

I grew up in the Watts section o Los Angeles, in a house

dominated by dysunction. Where there was no ather. Where

when a man did show up, violence usually wasnt ar behind.

Where addiction, depression, and, sadly, even abuse became the

norm. Te adults in the house never really conronted or chal-

lenged the situation, and as a result, nothing ever really changed.

In a house where truths were under the rug, I wanted to take that

rug out to the ront yard, shake it up and down and beat it with a

broom until every one o the nasty, dirty little realities came all-

ing out and scurried away rom me.

Im blessed to have experienced a level o success I never evendreamed o coming up in the ghetto. wo movies I was eatured

in, Transformers: Dark of the Moon and Fast Five, broke box oce

records worldwide and collectively went on to gross $1.7 billion.

Several years ago I decided I was done with the music industry,

but at my ans urging last year I released an album called Open

Invitation-Reloaded, which was number one or two weeks and

eatured a single, Stay, that itsel was number one or eleven

weeks. Every day I think, Tank God I listened to my ans!


8/19

Introduction

xviii

I also wrote aNew York Timesbestselling book called How to

Get Out of Your Own Way, and one o the biggest thrills o my lie

was standing onstage with Oprah Winrey and Stevie Wonder in

Chicago during the taping o Oprahs nal show and having her

tell me, yrese, oh my God, I read your book and it was pow-

erul.

But the only reason that child who never imagined a lie be-

yond the streets was able to make his way to the big screen and

stand onstage with Oprah was that I wasnt araid to look past mycircumstances and address the unamiliar. I know how hard it can

be to change your perspective and attitude. I also know just how

rewarding those changes can be when you nally do make them.

In Manology I want to encourage you to look past what you

think you know about men and consider some o the insights

Reverend Run and I are going to share in this book. It isnt always

easy to share some o the less fattering aspects o your past, but i

this book can bring clarity to even one woman, then it will all be

not only worthwhile but perhaps even the most important thing

Ive ever done.

I know I can make a dierence because men are one subject

I happen to be extremely knowledgeable aboutspecically,

whats going on in our minds. Having made that journey rom thehood to Hollywood, Ive witnessed the ull range o the male spec-

trum. Ive seen what men do and think when it seems like they

dont have any uture beyond their block, and Ive seen what they

do and think when suddenly there arent any barriers between

themselves and their antasieswhen the true depths o their

desires, or better or worse, are not only tolerated but celebrated.

And those truths that Im going to share with you will oten

be raw, and parts may even make you uncomortable. But thats


9/19

Introduction

xix

how I give it to my riends, and i youre reading this, then I con-

sider you a riend too.

Each time you start to pick up this book you should hesitate

just a little, because what Im saying is hitting so close to home. I

Im not striking that nerve, then Im not being a good riend. Be-

cause in these pages Im peeling back all the layers and revealing

MY complete truth. Unapologetically.

Im OK with not everyone appreciating my perspective or my

honesty. My goal or this book is to promote a dialogue in whichwe can really talk about whats going on with your relationships

and expectations. When youre nished reading, hopeully there

will be some undamental shits in how you view men.

Instead o basing your lie on how youve been taught things

ought to be, you can make rational, controlled decisions on how

we actually ARE. For better or worse.

Obviously every time we say, Men do this or Men think

that there are going to be exceptions to those rules. You dont

need to look any urther than Rev and me to see that not all o us

are alike.

Also, I need to stress that just because I have insight into the

behavior and motivations o men, I am still very much a work in

progress as a man mysel. Ill tell you right now that Im in ther-apy or some o the things I experienced and witnessed during my

childhood, and while Im making great progress, I dont consider

mysel all the way home yet.

Im honored to be sharing these pages with Rev Run, but

I want to stress to you that theres no Reverend beore myname.

Im still just plain old yrese Gibson, and trust me, Rev and I have

very dierent views and perspectives, not to mention dierent

types o language we use to express our views.


10/19

Introduction

xx

Respectully agreeing to disagree is one o the oundations o

Revs and my riendship. In act, our riendship was actually born

out o a disagreement!

The conflicT ThaT

sParked a dialogue

It all started several years ago ater I received one o Revs Words

o Wisdom emails: You know! Tose inspirational emails you sawhim writing while he sat in that bubble bath at the end o every

Runs House.

At that time, my perception o Rev was probably the same

as most peoples. I knew that he was one o the greatest rappers

o all time and that his group, the legendary RUN DMC, was

perhaps the most infuential in the history o hip-hop. But I also

knew him as the star oRuns House, as a man who managed to

navigate the turbulent seas o celebrity through nding God and

then used that aith as a oundation on which to build a beautiul

amily. Like a lot o men, especially Arican-American men, I was

extremely inspired by what Run had created. When the show -

nally ended, I was still searching or that inspiration, which is why

I ended up subscribing to his Words o Wisdom emails.While I loved receiving those emails, one day I got one that

I just couldnt cosign. I cant remember exactly how it was worded,

but essentially Rev was saying that once youre married, theres

zero room or indelity or misbehaving. Not because you dont

want to anger your wie but because you dont want to anger God.

I respected what he was saying, but I also elt that even ater

invoking Gods name in their marriage vows, most men will


11/19

Introduction

xx i

reuse to stay aithul i the sex is bad. Just on impulse, I sent him

a short note explaining my views, assuming that would be the end

o it. In my mind, there was no way that Run was actually sending

these messages out rom his own email account. I was content just

to foat my thought out into the universe and never expected it to

go any urther than that.

So imagine my surprise when several minutes later I got a

reply back saying, Is this really yrese? Te singer? I so, call me

back at this number. Rev.Huh? I was shocked, but I collected mysel and called Rev

immediately. Ater a little bit o small talk, we got into it and

started arguing about cheating. And arguing. And arguing. We

ended up staying on the phone or several hours until we nally

decided that wed just have to agree to disagree. But despite our

dierences, the conversation had been stimulating and inspiring.

We could both tell that a great new riendship had emerged.

Some people might call it a mentor/protg thing or a bro-

mance, but we started saying that Rev was my MAN-tor,

which, as well explain, is a term we coined or a man who teaches

another man how to mature and evolve. However you want to

label it, it was clear to me ater a ew more conversations that Rev

had quickly emerged as one o the major orces in my lie. Anyman who not only talks but also walks the word o God is my

hero.

Soon we began talking almost daily, chopping it up about

everything under the sunthe music industry, lms, our kids,

amebut particularly relationships, a subject I really respect his

opinion on. Its been said beore, but I really elt like Rev was a

hip-hop Bill Cosby. So when he talked about what it took to be a


12/19

Introduction

xxii

man o God and raise a amily with respect, spirituality and integ-

rity, I had to listen.

Whenever we spoke, I would try to get his opinion on not

only what was holding me back but also what was holding men

and women back in general. Because everyoneat least everyone

I knowwants something similar to Runs House in their own

lives. Maybe not down to the last detail, but a similar mix o re-

gality and ghetto love.

As Run will share, those conversations were incrediblyhealthy and motivating or him too. While hes evolved so much

over the years, he still has room to grow and speak. Speaking with

me gave him the energy to keep pushing in that direction. When

I would press him to go deeper into his truths, it orced him to

reexamine his own lie.

We started calling this process iron sharpening iron. Be-

cause just as only iron can sharpen iron, oten it takes two intel-

ligent, inquisitive, strong-willed individuals to sharpen each other.

I you just sit back and become comortable with what youve got,

youre never going to stay sharp. But i you have someone else

whos always pushing and challenging you, then the growth in

your lie and career will always be that much greater!

We both live our lives in the spirit o People who know bet-ter should do better. Our hope is that by learning the inner work-

ings on your mans mind, youre going to know what youre really

dealing with in a relationship. And armed with that knowledge,

youre going to do so much better at nding the happiness and

ulllment you deserve in your relationships.

OK, Ive said my piece. So now I want to let my partner Rev

Run have his chance to speak.


13/19

xxiii

Introduction

Rev Run

Since Tyrese just said that this book should be about raw, honest

truth, let me start by sharing some o my own:

I wasnt a big an o Ty the rst time I met him.

The story (and its one that I didnt even share with Tyrese until we

started working on this book) o how our relationship started o on

the wrong oot is this:

Back in the early 2000s, RUN DMC agreed to perorm at WattsDay, a charity event Tyrese was throwing in his old hood. I didnt know

him personally; we only did it because Jam Master Jay liked Tyrese

and wanted to help him out.

When we arrived to perorm, Tyrese was nowhere to be ound.

Still, we took the stage and launched into a set o some o our greatest

hits: Rock Box, Sucker MCs, Peter Piper, and Jam Master Jay.

Songs that never ailed to get a crowd hyped.

Just as we launched into Runs House, Tyrese pulled up in a

tricked-out truck. He jumped out, and immediately the crowd gravi-

tated to him.

But as soon as Runs House was over, Tyrese gave everyone a

wave, hopped back in his truck and drove o. He had listened to all

ooneo our songs and then broken out. This little punk is going to

leave during the middle of a RUN DMC set?I thought to mysel. When

were playing for free at HIS charity event. Oh, hell naw!

From then on, whenever Id see Tyrese on the TV, or hear one o

his songs on the radio, Id get a little annoyed. Little Tyson Beckord

pretty boy wannabe, Id say under my breath. As much as Id like to

think I was above that sort o behavior, the truth is I had let my insecu-

rities get the best o me.

So when he suddenly emailed me out o the blue that morning,


14/19

Introduction

xxiv

I was shocked. But as I reread his message, I could tell he probably

didnt even remember the incident at Watts Day. (Not only did he

claim not to remember it when I nally brought it up but he claimed it

didnt even happen. Trust me, it happened.)

Even though he was writing to challenge something I had said,

there was a tone o respect in his email. Rather than hold on to an old

grudge, I thought to mysel, Wow, dude actually reached out to me.

Let me hit him back and see what hes about. And as he just related

to you, we immediately launched into a heated debate over what Idwritten.

I cant believe you want to tell women that cheating is inevita-

ble, I told him ater he explained his position. You cant tell a woman

that. Its not right. Man, you just want to run amok on the earth, but

still have a woman in some sexy Victorias Secret thing waiting to

rub your eet when you get home at night. Sorry, it doesnt work like

that. You better go take out the trash and tell your woman you love her

on your way out to the garage.

Though that was just the rst o many disagreements we would

have, I could see that Tyrese had some important ideas to share, with

both me and the world. Weve been best riends since that rst con-

versation and talk on the phone at least once, i not more, every day.

Looking back, Tyrese reached out to me at the perect time in

my lie. His riendship was like a breath o resh air being blown into

my home. Though I was incredibly grateul or the success o Runs

House, I noticed aterward that my riends didnt want to hang out

with me quite as much. It was as i my lie looked too shiny, too per-

ect to them. I was eeling more like a monument to a certain ideal

than a living, breathing man.

The irony was that even though I dont drink, smoke, or chase

women anymore, I wasnt looking to separate mysel rom people


15/19

Introduction

xxv

who still did have a little bit o that wildness in them. What would

be the point o me having gained some wisdom i I wasnt willing to

share it with people who could use it? As youll read, I believe the best

way to help a man change or the better is actually through a type o

relationship I call MAN-torshipwhere one man can lead his riend

through example, rather than just preaching down rom that moun-

taintop at him. Thats the kind o relationship that helped turn my lie

around, and its the type o relationship I was looking to share with

someone else who might be in need o some direction.Thankully, rather than being intimidated by my reputation, Tyrese

was receptive to being MAN-tored. And truthully, he was not only

eager to nd out what sort o wisdom I could share with him but he

helped push me in a new direction too.

I our conversations have helped sharpenhim up, they denitely

helped loosenme up. Tyrese reminds me not to take mysel so seri-

ously as Rev Run and instead to have un with my marriage and my

reputation. Hes brought a lot o new energy into my lie and helped

me begin to have a much greater appreciation or my blessings.

One o our primary hopes or this book is that it can help sharpen

you up too. I you keep alling or the same type o guy without ever

nding true love or happiness, were going to show you how to avoid

alling into that trap and start meeting men who are actually better

suited or you. Or i you keep having men walk all over you, were

going to teach you how to establish a bottom line when it comes to

your relationship and actually enorce it. You know how countries im-

pose no fy zones over certain territories? Well, were going to show

you how to enorce no walk zones over yours.

For others, Manologywill help loosen them up when it comes to

the men in their lives. For instance, i youre obsessed about chang-

ing your man into something better, were going to teach you to let


16/19

Introduction

xxvi

go o that energy and instead become a acilitator o his evolution,

an approach that will earn his appreciation and respect instead o his

resentment.

I youve been having trouble communicating with your man,

were going to teach you when are the best times to talk to him.

I youre having a dicult time getting your man to see what a

great thing he already has right in ront o his ace, were going to

teach you how to correct the condition that plagues too many relation-

ships: Male pattern blindness.

Ultimately, while Manologywill help demystiy the men in your

lie, the most undamental message to be ound in this book aint

even about them. No, at its core this Manology is about helping

women eel good about themselves.

Tyrese and I might disagree on a lot o topicsin act, our original

title or this book was I Beg to Differbut theres one goal that were in

rock-solid agreement on: we want to help women stop getting tripped

up by the men in their lives and start empowering themselves.

As athers ourselves, Tyrese and I have a vested interest in creat-

ing a more leveled playing eld between men and women. Remem-

ber, Tyrese has a daughter, and Ive got three o them: Vanessa, whos

approaching thirty; Angela, whos in her midtwenties; and ve-year-

old Miley. It would break our hearts to see a daughter o ours get

tangled up with a man who didnt treat her with respect or have her

best interest at heart. Just as we would never want to watch one o

our daughters become joyless just because she was boyless (a condi-

tion Ill speak on later).

I I could venture a guess, some o what Tyrese has to say in this

book will strike you as pure craziness. Dont worry, ladies, I will be

here to put a oot on his tail when he goes overboard or gets too ar

out o bounds on a particular subject. But even i we dont always


17/19

Introduction

xxvii

agree with what Tyrese is saying in these pages, we cant tune him

out. To do that would just be a dance aroundthe truth. To truly change

your lie, youve got to dance with the truth. Because without the truth

youre always going to be living a lie.

Frankly, at times its going to seem like both o us are promoting

or deending the sel-centered, egotistical stu that men do. So let me

say one thing to all the women reading this book: the core oManol-

ogyis sharing the secret thoughts o men. Not justiying their actions.

Again, with emphasis:This book is about sharingmens secrets.

Notjustifyingtheir actions.

That means that even though we might ask you to try to under-

stand some o the sexist, selsh, inconsiderate, annoying, thoughtless

and misogynistic things that men do, were not suggesting its right

or men to do them.

Were simply trying to help you identiy the needs, desires, con-

cerns, and insecurities that those actions arise rom so you can gure

out how to dealor not dealwith them. So that when you look at

your man, your lenses wont be clouded by ear, insecurity, conu-

sion or even love. Youll be able to look at him clearly and say, Hes

the one or me or I loved him, but its never going to work the way

I need it to. Its time to say good-bye.

Finally, I want to address the role that God plays in both my lie

and this book. Obviously, as a reverend, my relationship with God is

the most important one in my lie. It was God who helped me evolve

rom the swaggering rapper who meet this little girl/hair was kinda

curly/went to her house/to bust her out/I had to leave early to the

husband who tells his wie, I never want to leave your side.

Just as it was God who made me not only a better husband to

my wie but a much better ather to my children as well. Yes, its been


18/19

Introduction

xxviii

God who pulled me out o the darkness that had enveloped my lie

and helped me see just how beautiul lie can be. Its a role God can

play in your lie too. In act, one o my avorite Tweets to send out is

this quote rom Max Lucado: A womans heart should be so hidden in

God that a man has to seek Him just to nd her.

While I really do believe a woman should hide her heart with

God, I dont ever want it to eel like Im being too rough or strict with

my interpretation o His word. I anything, Im actually pretty lenient

in how I try to translate my understanding o Gods teachings intoeveryday realities.

No, I envision this book being applicable to everyones lives,

whether theyre Christian or not. The blueprints or success that Im

going to lay out are the ones that Ive learned through the Bible, but

they can be applied to any lie or situation.

The reason Im not so strict is that i theres one thing Ive learned

over the years about relationships, its that theyre rarely ever perect,

but theyre always precious. Try to move through lie understanding

that no matter how hard you work, or no matter how closely you ol-

low the blueprint, youre probably never going to experience a per-

ect man.

And thats OK.

What isnt OK is wasting your time with a man who not only isnt

perect but doesnt treat you as precious either. Manologywill help

you nd the clarity to make the right choices in your relationship and

move closer to the happiness that you deserve.


19/19

To keep reading, order your copy of

MANOLOGY today.Hardcover

eBook

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WHEREVER BOOKS ARE SOLD
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manology by tyrese gibson & rev. run - read an excerpt!

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