Manang Doris, my MOTHER

People knew her as Manang Doris of the Treasury Department, if not, the

Asset Department. A strong-willed intelligent woman with an infectious laughter,

Dolores Bandong Aromin Hernandez of Urbiztondo, Pangasinan served at the PCSO

all her life. She would have been very proud to have witnessed the 75th Anniversary

of the PCSO because her world, and our world used to revolve around the PCSO,

literally.

Doris, as she is fondly called by friends, is a graduate of BS Education Major

in Health Education and Home Economics at the University of the Philippines in

Diliman, Quezon City. Armed with a college degree from the premier university at

the age of 19, she applied at the PCSO and was first assigned as a teller at the

Treasury Department. There, she met and married Arturo Hernandez, Sr, also a

PCSO employee. They had three children, all of whom were educated in the schools

that are within stones’ throw away from the old PCSO compound in San Marcelino,

Manila. One of them is Monina. That’s me.

When I was young, I used to ask my mom why I had to go to Sta. Isabel

College and my brothers in Adamson University. She had a simple, yet practical

answer “Kasi malapit sa Sweepstakes”. That’s why we literally grew up at PCSO.

We would spend our weekday afternoons rolling along the grass and dirt of the

manicured lawn at the side of the PNB at the old PCSO compound, or running

around the rose garden surrounding the flagpole near the basketball court, or

pacing along the green wooden ramps by the tennis court, or playing charades at

the veranda near the PCSO Clinic or simply watching employees bowl at the PCSO

Bowling lane. As kids, PCSO was our paradise.

Even our weekends were spent in PCSO. As a child, I used to tag along the

San Lazaro and Sta. Ana Hippodrome where the lottery draw is being held. As

mommy went about her usual task, I would either sit quietly in one corner and

draw or go with her officemates and watch the horse race. Weekends were indeed

fun at the PCSO especially if mommy would end it with an ice cream cone for me.

Christmases were also unforgettable because of the generosity of PCSO. I

remember all the games and raffle draws where no one gets home empty handed.

As long as you have the guts to stand in front of the audience either to sing, dance,

act or say your piece, whether you win or lose, you will always have your treat.

Even summers were made special because of the PCSO-wide field trips to beaches

in Batangas or Cavite. It was like having a trip with your family because back then,

everyone knows everybody at PCSO. No wonder, mommy never thought of leaving.

In fact, mommy stayed on with PCSO until her last breath. She retired from

PCSO in 1999 with 45 years of service. Despite retirement, she would still regularly

visit her old office to have lunch and chat with her friends. These visits dwindled

only when she gradually grew weaker until her stroke in December 7, 2006. Even in

her hospitalization and death bed, PCSO has been a very big help. Reminiscing the

old days, mommy would have been very proud to have witnessed the 75th

Anniversary of the PCSO. Like what I said, her world and our world used to revolve

around it, literally.

Below are excerpts of my diary when my mommy was in her death bed. A

loyal employee of PCSO, Dolores Bandong Aromin Hernandez, served the PCSO all

her life. She had her first stroke in December 7, 2006 and died on May 14, 2007.

December 21, 2006

Visited my mom…her condition is getting worse…she has fever, dyspnea and

hypoglycemia…I haven’t seen her awake since Sunday… I saw her doctor at the

bedside pero I avoided him… I refuse to know her condition…her tracheostomy was

postponed because of her vital signs…ganito pala ang feeling when a loved one is

very sick…one refuses to think…emotions overpower one’s thoughts.

December 22, 2006

She opened her eyes and stared into nothingness Her eyes used to reflect her thoughts and emotions, But not today

I don’t know if its just because her eyes lacked its usual luster, or is it because she is not capable of thinking or feeling now.

The grayish-white ring around her iris is more pronounced, Her eyes are a picture of a cloudy mirror

--– no image of my face in sight, no reflection of the environment around me, Her sclera has the color of the sun. Mommy,

All I want for Christmas is that God give you the peace that you deserve.

December 23, 2006

Ganun pala yon. When a person you love deeply suffers, you suffer too…

Deeply. But yours is a different one,

Perhaps, more painful,

The main burden comes from the thought that she is suffering But the anguish, that which is more excruciating,

is the fact that you cannot do anything to ease her pain. Drama ba? Pasensya na.

Just verbalizing…

December 23, 2006

For the past few years, the PGH chapel has been a witness to my joyful moments…I

used to drop by to thank God for all the things that HE would give me, big or small,

positive or negative… I knew that it’s a sanctuary for aching souls because of the

pain in the faces of those occupying the pews… I guess, back then, I was the only

positive soul among the crowd… now, I join them in sorrow…

December 24, 2006

Within me, I know I wouldn’t want my mom to suffer

But my consciousness compels me to ask her to fight. I don’t know what she wants, Her face is a picture of pain.

I want her to fight death off For herself? or for us, her children?

If I ask her to fight death for us, am I being unfair to her? I don’t want to be unfair to her She gave us everything she could provide us

All I know now is that I don’t want her to suffer.

January 8, 2007

Bakit ganun? Sabi ng doctor ng mom ko, for discharge na daw sya next week. I’m

worried. She’s still stuporous, with oxygen per tracheostomy and on NGT…she

needs utmost care…baka mamatay lang sya sa bahay namin? Nadidischarge ba

talaga ang stuporous patient? What if mag-arrest sya while in transport?

January 8, 2007

Pinaiyak ako ni Dr. M … I told her na for discharge na si mommy … eh stuporous pa

and with NGT… dami ko worries … I was exploring possibilities of getting a hospital

bed, kahit second hand, suction machine and oxygen equipment for home use …

until I said baka mamatay lang sa bahay si mommy… then Dr. M said, baka that’s

the reason why she will be discharged… so she would have peaceful death … I cried

… Sabi ko, akala ko kaya sya ididischarge coz resolved na yung infection … I

thought discharge is a positive thing … I feel so naive… Kahit nurse ka pala, basta

mahal mo ang nahihirapan, parang lahat ng pinag-aralan mo biglang nililipad na

lang ng hangin.

We did our best to prolong mommy’s life … she said, my mom is living on borrowed

time … I should give her daw the peaceful death that she deserves … akala ko,

everything is okay na … until now …

January 8, 2007

Imagine that … a loved one having respiratory arrest in front of you … tapos wala

kang magawa … I’ve seen that before … I was seventeen and I was studying for my

Natural Science Final Exam while looking after my lola at the same time … I was

alone with my bedridden and very weak lola in our house because my dad was out

to buy her medications … then it happened … it was around 10 am … she started

gasping for air in front of me … I had to call my dad’s office. Though I know that he

is not there, I did it just the same just to let someone know that something terrible

is happening … I was trembling … then it happened … it was so fast … just when I

heard my dad open our gate, my lola gasped for her last breath… I ran to my dad

and told him everything … dad called the doctor, but she was gone…she was 93

years old … I was mad … Nakakainis di ba? Namatay ang lola ko sa harap ko at

wala akong nagawa. Nakakainis yon.

January 8, 2007

Alam mo, alam ko namang Encephalopathy is irreversible … But these doctors, why

hide the truth behind the word “discharge” which sounds so positive for us … why

cant they just tell it to my face na they did their best, na hanggang dito na lang ang

kaya nilang gawin … na pauuwiin na nila kami kasi wala na silang magagawa pa

para sa mommy ko? Na kahit lahat na ng medical equipments eh ikabit nila sa

mommy ko, it cant save her anymore … My mother is dying… Please tell me the

truth… I can accept it naman eh … in due time … I may cry … but that’s normal …

mahirap kasi na pinapaasa pa kami … mas masakit di ba kung iba pa ang

magsasabi sa akin?

January 8, 2007

Mukha nga akong tanga eh … I was telling friends in UP na for discharge na si

mommy and I’m happy though may konting anxiety … yun pala, for discharge sya

to wait for death to visit her at home … or probably sa vehicle on our way home…

January 9, 2007

Now, they want to discharge her this week … on Wednesday na daw … may

clearance na … 2 doctors na lang ang hinihintay … minamadali naman ngayon ang

discharge … at least one had the courage to say that we should accept the fact na

they cannot do anything for her anymore … ang hirap … parang nagbibilang ako ng

araw…

January 30, 2007

I’m afraid. I’m in the hospital. When I got inside my mom’s room, I saw one of her

very close friends, Tita Tes. I’ve been looking for her for a long time to inform her

of my mom’s condition. But, I was not successful. Then, she told me her story. She

said that she dreamt of my mom last night. Apparently, my mom told her in the

dream that she is sick. This prompted her to look for my mom. No one told her that

my mom is in PGH. She said, she just took a cab and told the driver to bring her to

PGH. That’s why I found her inside my mom’s room. I don’t know what to feel.

January 30, 2007

Then, in the afternoon, my youngest brother came. He said he also dreamt of my

mom last night. He saw her without legs in his dream. Ano bang mga panaginip

iyan? Natatakot na ako.

February 1, 2007

When will this agony end?

February 2, 2007

Been doing my best for her. Been exhausting all means to take care of her.

Been telling her I love her. Ang hirap.

Been preparing myself all this time, But, I think, no amount of preparation would spare me the pain.

Pagod na ako.

April 12, 2007

It was December 7, 2006 when I thought my mom would leave us … but God is good. He gave her a longer life … today, we celebrate my mom’s 73rd birthday… and I THANK GOD for giving us another chance to prove our love for her… in the same

way, I thank God for giving us YOU (our friends and relatives) … coz you helped us through those very hard times in our lives … thank you for being there when we

needed help.

May 14, 2007

My mom, DOLORES BANDONG AROMIN HERNANDEZ, joined her Creator this morning at the age of 73 years. She was a very responsible daughter, a supportive

sister, a loving mother and wife and a woman of intelligence, strength and honor. I SALUTE the woman to whom I owe everything.

With all our love to our mommy, who gave us her BEST in this lifetime … may she find peace that only another life can provide.

--- Monina Hernandez Gesmundo