MANAGING THE OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANT CHILD IN THE

CLASSROOM

UNDERSTANDING AND UTILIZING SYSTEMS DYNAMICS TO INTERVENE WITH SERIOUS BEHAVIORAL PROBLEMS

Jerome A. Price, MAMichigan Family Institute

www.mifamilytherapy.comjpriceatmfi@gmail.com 248-593-4784

THE NATURE OF

THE TRUTH(and the paradox of

diagnosis)

ISOMORPHISM BETWEEN SCHOOL AND HOME

Behavior patterns were learned at home Children come to school assuming that the

strategies they use at home will work at school. (So these strategies make sense to the child)

Understanding this can give everyone more patience as they work on disrupting these patterns.

The goal is for the child to become more resilient and able to move between strategies depending on what a given situation requires.

Ask parents how they handle these problems at home. (This can tell you what works or what isn’t working.)

POWERPOWER

Level 6Level 6 Serious Danger and HarmSerious Danger and Harm

Level 5Level 5 People Get HurtPeople Get Hurt

Level 4Level 4 Threatening Gestures and Threatening Gestures and Damage to Damage to

PossessionsPossessions

Level 3Level 3 The Beginning of DamageThe Beginning of Damage

Level 2Level 2 A Flair for the DramaticA Flair for the Dramatic

Level 1Level 1 The Petulant ChildThe Petulant Child

COMPASSIONCOMPASSION

The rules that parents and teachers are told The rules that parents and teachers are told to follow to be good parents are rules for to follow to be good parents are rules for raising and teaching normal children.raising and teaching normal children.

When a youth is more out of control, the When a youth is more out of control, the rules are different.rules are different.

Examples:Examples: A teacher should be positive but must know how A teacher should be positive but must know how

to exercise authority and direction when dealing to exercise authority and direction when dealing with a more troubled child.with a more troubled child.

A teacher must be able to have a flexible role as A teacher must be able to have a flexible role as needed.needed.

Dealing with Normal vs. Dealing with Normal vs. Abnormal SituationsAbnormal Situations

FLEXIBLE METHODS FOR TROUBLED SITUATIONS

Reward alone will often not be effective Traditional warning and consequence

systems will often fail. The child will engage the teacher for

the sake of engagement itself. Too much benevolence leads to anger. One’s own predictability is a teacher’s

worst enemy.

Life’s one damn thing after another…

Pathology is the same damn thing over and

over again …Dr. John Weakland

MOTIVATING PARENTS TO COOPERATE

Be as supportive and collaborative as possible Have a plan in case of resistance Understand that change comes from

discomfort, not from comfort Use destabilizing methods if necessary(i.e. call parents to get or accompany child each

day a certain disruptive behavior occurs.) This must be a team strategy including staff

and administrators

The Three Keys To Succeeding With A The Three Keys To Succeeding With A ChildChild

Key #1--ReactivityKey #1--Reactivity Who acts/ who reacts?Who acts/ who reacts?

The actor is in control.The actor is in control.

Who defines the meaning of each event?Who defines the meaning of each event? The person defining meaning is in control.The person defining meaning is in control.

Who succeeds in getting the other to feel guilty, Who succeeds in getting the other to feel guilty, frightened, or doubting oneself?frightened, or doubting oneself? The one influencing the other’s feelings is in control.The one influencing the other’s feelings is in control.

Who appears to have thought out their position Who appears to have thought out their position more carefully and is more prepared to stick to more carefully and is more prepared to stick to that position?that position? The person with the most rigidly set position is in The person with the most rigidly set position is in

control.control.

In a healthy balance..In a healthy balance.. Teachers act/children react Teachers act/children react

Teachers define/children accept or challenge Teachers define/children accept or challenge those definitionsthose definitions

Teachers plan their positions and stick to Teachers plan their positions and stick to them them

Teachers know when their own feelings are Teachers know when their own feelings are interfering with their common sense interfering with their common sense

Teachers give consequences/children modify Teachers give consequences/children modify their actions their actions

REACTIVITY HOT BUTTONS

You know when your hot buttons are being pushed when you feel:

Angry Hurt Confused Guilty

KNOWING YOUR EMOTIONAL COMPASS

Does this child remind you of anyone? Do your feelings seem similar to those

you have in other situations? Do you dislike this child and feel guilty

as a result? Are you denying your feelings because

professionals aren’t supposed to have them?

Observe your feelings…don’t judge them.

Steps to Being Proactive Steps to Being Proactive Identify the behavioral/emotional problem Identify the behavioral/emotional problem

present in the current situation.present in the current situation. Identify reactivity buttons.Identify reactivity buttons. Do little or nothing at the moment unless Do little or nothing at the moment unless

you have no choice.you have no choice. Make a plan for how you will deal with this Make a plan for how you will deal with this

situation the next time it happens or a situation the next time it happens or a consequence for what just happened that consequence for what just happened that will be shared several hours or days later.will be shared several hours or days later.

Motto #3:Motto #3:

Never threaten.Never threaten.Take action at the right Take action at the right

moment.moment.

LifelinesLifelines

EXPECT NORMALITYEXPECT NORMALITY

Understand AttributionUnderstand Attribution

(i.e. Tell child, “I know you can handle your (i.e. Tell child, “I know you can handle your feelings about this” …and believe he or feelings about this” …and believe he or

she can.)she can.)

The Three Keys To Succeeding With A The Three Keys To Succeeding With A YouthYouth

Key #2—InformationKey #2—Information Do you know everything you need to know Do you know everything you need to know

about this child and his/her family situation?about this child and his/her family situation? Insufficient information will lead to Insufficient information will lead to

ineffective strategies.ineffective strategies. If you are predictable the child knows more If you are predictable the child knows more

about you than you may know about about you than you may know about him/her.him/her.

Be sure you know how the parents explain Be sure you know how the parents explain this situation and whether their approach this situation and whether their approach holds the child accountable.holds the child accountable.

Motto #4:Motto #4:You gain power when you don’t You gain power when you don’t automatically share what you automatically share what you

know.know. Information shared is power shared.Information shared is power shared.

Unless you’ve heard it from the Unless you’ve heard it from the source….you haven’t heard it.source….you haven’t heard it.

You need to gather information and not You need to gather information and not automatically share it with the youth or automatically share it with the youth or parents.parents.

The Three Keys To Succeeding With A The Three Keys To Succeeding With A YouthYouth

Key #3—CoalitionsKey #3—Coalitions Problem—Has the youth teamed up with adults who Problem—Has the youth teamed up with adults who

oppose school authority or with other school oppose school authority or with other school personnel to create dissention? personnel to create dissention?

Solution—Intervene to stop these alliances immediately.Solution—Intervene to stop these alliances immediately.

Problem—Does the youth base arguments on things Problem—Does the youth base arguments on things they say other people have said? they say other people have said?

Solution—Assume it wasn’t said until hearing from the Solution—Assume it wasn’t said until hearing from the other other party directly. party directly.

Problem—Has the youth teamed up with other Problem—Has the youth teamed up with other like-minded troubled peers? like-minded troubled peers?

Solution—Begin to gradually disrupt these relationships Solution—Begin to gradually disrupt these relationships however possible. however possible.

Motto #5:Motto #5:

You haven’t tried it unless You haven’t tried it unless you have tried it for a you have tried it for a

month.month.

SCHOOL FAILURE Refusing to perform in school sends

everyone scurrying to supervise and enforce performance.

Assess ongoing under-functioning vs. sudden change.

Assess true performance capability. Is this a High IQ/Low EQ child? Is the child’s capability truly limited? (Maybe C’s would be great despite what parents want to believe.)

Hold a school staffing early in the process to organize adults and gain information.(Guidelines for staffing later in training)

SCHOOL FAILURE (cont.)

Look for metaphor of other family member under-functioning or failing.

Put parents in charge of school attendance and work completion based on hypothesis.

Assess cycle to decide on more or less action needed by parent(s).

Clinical Team Meetings with Clinical Team Meetings with Schools, Probation Officers, etc.Schools, Probation Officers, etc.

Know how you want this meeting to Know how you want this meeting to end.end. When is a meeting helpful?When is a meeting helpful? 1) Any time family conflict 1) Any time family conflict includes school includes school issues.issues. 2) If parents are in conflict 2) If parents are in conflict

with the school.with the school. 3) If youth is triangulating the adults.3) If youth is triangulating the adults.

4) As a direct step to solidify the 4) As a direct step to solidify the hierarchy.hierarchy.

Steps for Carrying Out a Team Steps for Carrying Out a Team MeetingMeeting

1)1) Identify all of the important players.Identify all of the important players.

2) Know as much as possible about 2) Know as much as possible about each each person’s position regarding person’s position regarding the the problems.problems.3) Anticipate any person’s 3) Anticipate any person’s idiosyncratic idiosyncratic tendencies (i.e. tendencies (i.e. someone who must someone who must be the expert or be the expert or will resist the truth).will resist the truth).4) Have family and school personnel 4) Have family and school personnel plan the plan the meeting (i.e. timing and who meeting (i.e. timing and who should should attend).attend).5) Choreograph the discussion toward 5) Choreograph the discussion toward identifying a behaviorally specific identifying a behaviorally specific problem.problem.

6) If a solution doesn’t naturally evolve, 6) If a solution doesn’t naturally evolve, integrate everyone’s ideas into a integrate everyone’s ideas into a respectfully framed suggestion.respectfully framed suggestion.

7) Clarify what all adults will do in 7) Clarify what all adults will do in behaviorally specific terms.behaviorally specific terms.

8) Have youth join the meeting and 8) Have youth join the meeting and spend spend time framing this gathering time framing this gathering as a as a benevolent attempt to help by benevolent attempt to help by people people who value and believe in who value and believe in the youth.the youth.9) Speak to the youth’s strengths and 9) Speak to the youth’s strengths and invite invite his/her input as to what the his/her input as to what the problems problems are that need solving.are that need solving.10) A team leader will then present 10) A team leader will then present what the what the adults have agreed upon.adults have agreed upon.

RIGID CYCLE OF RIGID CYCLE OF INTERACTIONINTERACTION

PARENT SAYS NOOR INSISTS ON CHILD

FOLLOWING A DIRECTION

TEACHER EXPLAINS AND

CHILD ARGUES ORESCALATES INTO TEARS BASED ON

WHAT TEACHER EXPLAINED

CHILD CROSSES ARMS AND REFUSES

REVERSED RIGID CYCLEREVERSED RIGID CYCLE

TEACHER RESPONDSWITH A KNEE-JERK

REACTION

CHILD ESCALATESEXPLAINING TO SELF THAT THE TEACHER’S REACTION JUSTIFIES

THEIR OWN HOSTILITY OR ESCALATESBECAUSE INTERVENTION IS THE USUAL ONE

CHILD DISRUPTS CLASSVERBALLY OR MAKES

A DEMAND OF THE TEACHER