MANAGING CONFLICT WITH ALOHA Nanette Miles CAA Summer Conference, 2017 July 21, 2017

Managing Conflict with Aloha

STRAW POLL

How many of you DO NOT think that Conflict is a big issue when meeting with students? How many of you DO NOT experience any type of conflict as you work with students? How about working in your departments with colleagues (faculty/staff)?

ARE YOU CONFLICT FREE?

Conflict Management

By the end of this presentation you will: • Have an overview of conflict &

communication styles • Understand that we can change the

way we address conflict • View conflict as an opportunity for

positive change • View tips for handling upset students

Conflict Management

It’s not whether you have conflict in your life, but how you deal with the conflict that makes

all the difference.

What is conflict?

Conflict is…

what happens when people disagree. a perceived divergence of interests. an OPPORTUNITY FOR POSITIVE CHANGE.

Conflict Management

People respond to conflict in different ways. We often use different styles in different situations. We all work with students, do we agree that these interactions may contain conflict? (straw poll) In what ways do we deal with conflict in terms of student interaction? (Ally McBeal & my e.g.)

Styles of Conflict Management

AVOIDANCE ACCOMMODATION

COMPETITION COMPROMISE

COLLABORATION

Styles of Conflict Management

Styles of Conflict Management

Accommodation: Is putting aside one’s own needs and concerns in order to satisfy the needs of the other person. Teddy Bear: Soft, round, large ears & mouth is sewn shut.

Styles of Conflict Management

Avoidance: Means that a person knows there is a conflict but chooses not to deal with it. An avoider walks away from the problem and may avoid the person with whom he or she is having the conflict. Turtle: Can pull head an legs into the shell.

Styles of Conflict Management

Collaboration: Working together in order to satisfy the needs of both people. It involves problem solving and assumes that both people can get their needs met. One party does not have to win at the other’s expense. It is win-win problem-solving. Owl: Is wise, have large eyes & can rotate their heads 270 degrees for multiple perspectives and viewpoints.

Styles of Conflict Management

Compromise: Giving up something in order to get something. It is an attempt to seek the middle ground. The down side is that both parties do not get what they want. Fox: No mouth, located in the center of the grid, (middle ground).

Styles of Conflict Management

Competition: Trying to win or make the other person lose by giving in. A person defends their position or pursues their own goals without regard for the needs of the other person. This style assumes that in order for one person to win, the other person must lose. Shark: Single-minded pursuit for prey (one’s needs) without regard of others.

Styles of Conflict Management

Conflict Styles Assessment

Purpose: to gain insight into your dealings with others Instructions: Answer the questions by focusing on a troubled relationship. (Write the name at the top of the page) Choose ‘A’ or ‘B’ statement that is most characteristic of your own behavior. Score your assessment Distribute Assessment & Scoring handouts (Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Management Survey) TIMED:15 Minutes to take Assessment

Conflict Style Assessment Discussion

Are you surprised by your results? (straw poll) Why? Poll: How many have results that are… Specific Conflict Style? Combination of Conflict Styles?

Take into consideration: relationship, situation, and how this affects our behavior.

Conflict Styles

Spouse? Parent? Child? Sibling? Friend?

Direct Supervisor? Co-worker? Colleague? Students? Upset Students?**

Which styles do you use most for a conflict with the following people?

Tips for handling upset students

• Stay calm (exercise self-control) • Don’t take it personally • Listen patiently – TRY NOT TO INTERRUPT • Actively sympathize (using non-verbal cues) • Paraphrase their story for clarification purposes.

**Apologize gracefully (I’m sorry you’re not happy with _______, let’s see what I can do to help) **Be careful & use this frugally.

• Find a solution: ask what they feel should be done, or offer options.

• Take a few minutes on your own…(self-care)

Tips for handling upset students

• Notice: the top four steps are the Accommodator • The next two steps are the Collaborator • The last step is all about Self Care The relationship is of high importance and the communication goal is also important, but see how your conflict style will change depending upon the situation.

Tips for handling upset students

Showing that you care by listening can make a huge difference for the speaker. (Showing respect) By listening patiently to the speaker, this action can de-escalate the behavior. (Speaker is validated) Interrupting can escalate the behavior. (Speaker is not validated or respected) Managing conflict with Aloha means supporting upset students by your actions and words. REMEMBER: Conflict is an opportunity for positive change!!

WORD CLOUD: ALOHA

Tips for handling upset students

Helpful Resources 7 Steps for Dealing With Angry Customers http://www.forbes.com/sites/thesba/2013/08/02/7-steps-for-dealing-with-angry-customers/ Eastern Washington University: Defusing Anger in Others http://access.ewu.edu/caps/facultystaffres/defusinganger

Online Listening Skills Assessments

Purpose: To Raise One’s Listening Self-Awareness How Good Are Your Listening Skills? https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/listening-quiz.htm Self-Assessment 8.3: Active Listening Skills Inventory: http://highered.mheducation.com/sites/0073381225/student_view0/chapter8/self-assessment_8_3.html Ask yourself: Where are my challenges with listening? What are my areas for improvement?

Questions & Answers

Please don’t forget to fill out the session evaluations.

Managing conflict with Aloha

MAHALO NUI

Nanette Miles nmiles@hawaii.edu CAA Summer Conference, 2017 July 21, 2017