lucy decoutere letter transcribed

7/25/2019 Lucy DeCoutere Letter Transcribed

1/6

Ju

l

y

9

2

00

3

J

ia

n.

m

i

ss

le

tt

er

s. th

in

k

th

e

a

d

v

en

t

of

e

m

ai

l

i

ns

ta

n

t c

o

m

m

u

n

ic

at

io

n

is

sy

m

p

to

m

a

ti

c

o

f

l

os

s o

f

p

a

tie

n

ce

m

a

y

be

re

s

pe

tt

fu

r

w

or

d

s.

M

a

y

b

e I

h

a

te

ce

ll

p

h

o

ne

s

be

c

au

s

e t

h

ey

ar

e

a

lm

os

t

t

o

o

e

as

y

.

A

n

d

f

o

r

m

e

if

h

a

ve

g

i

ve

n

m

y

t

im

e

to

b

e

w

it

s

om

eo

n

e

d

on

t

w

an

t

to

h

a

ve

m

y c

el

l

p

h

on

e

m

a

ke m

e

o

r

ra

th

e

r

p

ut

m

e a

t

so

m

e

o

ne

el

se

s

d

is

p

os

a

l.

A

n

d le

tt

er

s

ar

e

k

e

ep

e

rs

.

O

n

ce

d

e

li

ve

r

ed

y

o

u m

y re

r

e

ad t

hi

s

tu

c

k

it

u

n

d

er

y

ou

r

p

ill

ow

.

..b

u

rn

i

t.

.

.

w

ha

t

ev

e

r w

h

at

ev

e

r.

h

av

e

a f

ew

re

gr

e

ts

f

ro

m

th

is

p

as

t

w

e

e

ke

i

w

h

k

h l

d

ke

t

o

s

h

a

r

w

ft h

y

ou

N

o

th

a

t

w

o

n

t

d

o

m

ea

n

to

sa

y

th

a

t

w

a

n

t

to

c

le

ar a

w

a

y a

co

u

p

le

o

f

c

o

bw

e

b

s.

w

an

t

t

o

tr

y

t

o

pr

o

pe

r

ly

an

s

w

er

h

er

e

qu

e

st

io

n

s

w

hi

c

h y

o

u

p

o

se

d

t

o m

e

b

ut

w

a

s

un

a

b

le to


2/6

resp

on

d

to

be

cau

se

am

basicaHy

a

chicken

shit

am

a

very

fas

t

acc

ura

te

ju

dg

e

acc

isso

r

is

th

at

a real

wo

rd?

of

peo

ple

s

c

har

act

ers

Not

nec

essa

rily

She

is go

od

h

ate

him.

She

is

s

tup

id

Kinda

moreviscerahEnerg-etic

you kn

ow

And

rem

em

ber se

eing you

at th

at

p

arty

in

Banff

literally turn

ed

ar

oun

d

and

walked

t

he

oth

er

w y

T

hat

sparks

thin

g

t

hat

you dig

so

m

uc

h

Well, rat

her

th

an

th

e

m

ot

h

to

th

e

fl

am

e

it sho

ots

me

in

t

he

o

ther

dir

ecti

on

You w

ere too

sparkling

And

t

hen at

Karaoke

saw

you had

signed up

t

o

sing

not

really su

re how

m

ad

e

n

ac e co nn e c t i ons

b-utf-Ufk...

a-m

now

realizing

y

our

f

ace is e

ver

yw

her

e

at

all

ti

me

s

a

nd

t

hin

kin

g

it was

cool

you

w

ere

th

ere

But

w

hen it

ca

me

down

to

it

c

ou

ldn

t

talk to

you

Ju

st

couldnt


3/6

So

finally

at

the

BBQ

but it

seemed

you

were

talking to a number

of

women

and

was

torn

flattered that you were

in

to

hooking

up

later

but

pretty

sure

you

had

a

bit of

a

collection of

well

you

get

the

idea.

B ut

I came back

to alifax

and

felt

like

an asshole

for

not

befriending

you

just

because Im

a

freak

so

called you up

And felt

ripped off

for not being there

for

that

extra

day

with

you.

was

absolutely

sure Id never

hear

from

you.

But

did And

what

found

is

youd say

things

was

thinking

about.

dont

know if you remember

say i ng t hat

you h ad[rnagine d w h at

my

life is

like

am paraphrasing here

and

that

you were really

basing

this

on...

well

nothing.

was

doing

the

exact

same thing.

But instead

of

saying

so

think said

something

ridiculous

like

is that

fun for you?

[or]


4/6

equafly

sentimental

But

h a hard

time

hearing anything

like

that

from

you

because

was

certain

you

were

saying

this

to other

people

so

couldnt

appreciate

it. Couldnt

absorb it.

decided

wanted to solve

the

mystery a

nd cmet oTo ron1oH dont

like

making

more

or less out of a

person than

they

are

without

knowing

them

wanted to see

you

figure

out really

where you

are coming

from

as

much

as one can

in a

few days

tried to

make

the trip

about

work

to

take

the

pressure off

visiting

you

but had

no

reason to

come to

Toronto except

to

hang

with

you

To be

sure that you were a

re

a f a W a b e pe

r son b soaTh N o t a

figment

bTmy

imagination AndT5da

safety

net of

people

to

see

things

to

do etc

but

felt

very vulnerable

though

tried to

be

there with an

open

heart

guarded

And was

sure

youd

never notice

That

was

my

biggest

mistake


5/6

We

hooked

up

for

dinner

and

you

totally

knocked

me out.

No

wonder

couldnt

eat

anything.

You

scared the hell

out

of

me.

Either

because

you

were reading

my

mind

or

asking me to

read it

for

you.

mean

really

what

on

Earth

could

be

better

than

lying with

you

listening

tornic having

pea ce

No thing.

Bti t

put

to

me

like

that

then?

really

could

not

deal.

Such

a

simple

thing

but

am used

to

spendingt4rne

wit h

people

men

suppose who are so

totally

unavailable emotionally

that

clearly

did

not know what to do.

Nuff

said.

But thats

the bottom line.

am

worried

that

gave

y mixed

messages

and

if

did

firstly

apolologize...

urn...

mean

Apologize

fuck

where is

my

4ity . a n d se

eond4y I hone

s t y

did

not

intent to.

loved

spending

time

with y

this

weekend.

You

are

hilarious.

And

really

loved seeing

you

becoming

progressively

more

relaxed

[with]

me.

Some

times

felt

a bit

left in

the

dust


6/6

like w

hen

c

oul

d

se

e

how th

e th

ing

you

No

bu

hav

e

sho

ws

a

co

oln

ess

can

onl

y

ex

per

ien

ce

bu

t

no

t ac

tua

lly

d

o

appreciate

your

advice

[w ith]

Trailer

Pa

rk

B

oy

s

T

he so

ngs

you

wri

te

th

at

I

ve

hea

rd

a

re re

all

y

bea

utif

ul

A

nd

ho

pe

th

at

my

vi

sit

d

idn

t cra

mp

y u too

m

u eh

really

have

to

go

to sleep

Its

ve

ry

at

e

J

ian

Y

ou

re gre

at A

nd

wan

t

t

o

kn

ow

mo

re

ha

ve

mo

re

fu

n

eas

y

tim

es

wi

th

y

ou

b

eca

use

it so ve

ry r

are

rig

ht?

Who

am

trying to

kid? How

many

other

me

n

rea

lly ge

t thi

s

wh

ole

ani

mal

kid

fuck

ing

th

ing

?

am

s

ad

w

e

d

idn

t

s

pen

dt

he

nig

ht

to

geth

er

co

uld

ha

ve

be

en mo

re op

en

w

ith

you

tha

n

in person

rathe

r th

an

[w ith] p

en

pa

per

fin

d

disc

los

ure

i

n

c

af

s

tric

ky

lo

ve

y

our

h

and

s

Lu

cy

lucy decoutere letter transcribed

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