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TRANSCRIPT
-
Making Relationships Work for Young Adults and Young ParentsBY MARLINE PEARSON
INSTRUCTOR’S MANUAL I N S T R U C TO R ’ S M A N UA L
• Instructor’s Guide with 13 Lesson Plans
• Engaging Student Workbook
• Includes Activity Cards, PowerPoint CD, DVD clips, and colorful posters
• New! HIV/STD/Contraception brochures and DVD
• New! Youth-produced films that focus on healthy decision-making
• Loads of activities: drawing, sculpting, skills practice, role-playing, stories, film, music and more
• Scenarios written by diverse youth
• Trusted Adult Connection activities
• Evidence-based
Unplanned pregnancy, single parenting, and troubled relationships threaten the wellbeing of many young adults, as well as their children.
Love Notes v2.0 was created for this vulnerable, high-risk audience. The lessons show them, often for the first time, how to make wise choices about relationships, partners, sex, pregnancy, and more.
The lessons integrate relationship skills with pregnancy prevention and other strategies for positive change. Rather than focusing on what to avoid, the course builds assets and appeals to aspirations. It offers new frameworks for decision making, along with untapped sources of motivation.
13 lessons for ages 15-24To order or for more information:www.Dibble.org
PO Box 7881Berkeley, CA [email protected]
In Spanish!WorkbookandResources
Love Notes VERSION 2.0
-
Copyright 2012 Marline E. Pearson
Introduction to Love Notes ............................................vInstructor Tips ..............................................................xiLove Notes Video and Resource Guide ........................xv
Lesson 1: Relationships Today .................................1• Relationships Today…• Defining a Vision • Choosing Reds or Greens?• Film: Antwone Fisher
Lesson 2: Knowing Yourself ...................................29• Good Relationships Start with You• Colors: Personality Style• Baggage: Examining the Past • Legacy of Past Hurts
Lesson 3: My Expectations—My Future ...............45• What’s Important to Me? • The Power of Expectations• Myself: My Future
Lesson 4: Attractions and Starting Relationships ..61• Relationship Pyramid • The Chemistry of Attraction• Infatuation-Love Match
Lesson 5: Principles of Smart Relationships ......81• Smart or Not-So-Smart?• Seven Principles of Smart Love• Seven Questions to Ask• Three Sides of Love
Lesson 6: Is it a Healthy Relationship ...............103• How Can You Tell? • Assessing My Relationship• The Importance of Fun• Breaking Up
Lesson 7: Dangerous Love ...................................127• Early Warnings: Red Flags• Types of Partner Violence• Dangerous Love’s Impact on Children• Drawing the Line of Respect
Lesson 8: Decide, Don’t Slide! The Low Risk Approach to Relationships ................153
• High Costs of Sliding • The Low-Risk Deciding Approach• A Brief Review • Making Decisions • The Success Sequence
Lesson 9: Let’s Talk About Sex ............................183• Let’s Talk about Sex• Intimacy: It’s More than Physical• Pitfalls of Sex-too-soon• Are We on the Same Page?• Drawing Lines and Pacing Relationships
Lesson 10: Let’s Plan for Choices ......................213• Increase Your Pregnancy Prevention Smarts• STDs and HIV Are for Real• Planning for Choices • Let’s Talk—It’s Serious
Lesson 11: What’s Communication Got to Do With It? ....................................245
• The Four Danger Signs • Relationship Check-Up • Angry Brains and Time Out Skill • The Speaker Listener Technique• Communication Patterns Learned in Family
Lesson 12: Communication Challenges and More Skills ................................275
• WWA for Effective Complaining• Button Pushers and Hidden Issues• Problem Solving Model• Daily Appreciations
Lesson 13: Through the Eyes of a Child ...........301• What a Baby Wants• What about Fathers? • Child Speak• Should We Live Together?• Co-Parenting Challenges• Planning for Success
Appendix ....................................................................347• Film Guide for Antwone Fisher• About the Author• Acknowledgements• Colored Activity Cards
Table of ContentsLove NotesMaking Relationships Work
SKU TITLE RETAIL
LN-1 Instructor’s Manual $399
LN-BP Love Notes 2.0 Research Basic Pack (reg. $696) $599 • Instructor’s Manual • 1 Abstinence/Contraception/ Human Development DVD • 1 “Toothpaste” DVD • 1 “Reflections” DVD
LN-GS Love Notes 2.0 Research Group Set (reg. $1,058) $799 • Instructor’s Manual • 30 student workbooks • 30 Colors Personality Sorters • 50 Pocket Protector Birth Control Brochures • 50 HIV Facts Brochures • 50 STD Facts Brochures • 1 Abstinence/Contraception/ Human Development DVD • 1 “Toothpaste” DVD • 1 “Reflections” DVD
INSTRUCTOR’S MANUAL I N S T R U C TO R ’ S M A N UA L
In Spanish!WorkbookandResources
-
Copyright Marline E. Pearson
-
Less
on
6 10
3
Ove
rvie
w
This
less
on o
ffers
gui
danc
e on
how
to te
ll if
a re
latio
nshi
p is
hea
lthy.
Util
izin
g a
clea
r thr
ee-q
uest
ion
fram
ewor
k th
at d
efine
s six
type
s of r
elat
ions
hips
, par
ticip
ants
w
ill c
reat
e sc
ulpt
ures
to a
naly
ze w
hat h
ealth
y an
d un
heal
thy
rela
tions
hips
look
like
in
the
real
wor
ld. T
he g
oal i
s for
par
ticip
ants
to d
evel
op a
dee
per u
nder
stan
ding
of t
he
diffe
renc
es a
nd b
e ab
le to
dev
elop
com
mun
icat
ion
skill
s for
dis
cuss
ing
heal
thy
and
unhe
alth
y re
latio
nshi
ps. A
self-
asse
ssm
ent e
xerc
ise
help
s par
ticip
ants
exa
min
e th
eir
own
rela
tions
hips
.
The
impo
rtan
ce o
f fun
in k
eepi
ng h
ealth
y re
latio
nshi
ps a
live
and
wel
l will
als
o be
ex
plor
ed. Y
outh
will
be
enco
urag
ed to
gen
erat
e a
list o
f fun
act
iviti
es to
do
with
frie
nds
or p
artn
ers.
Mos
t you
ng p
eopl
e w
ill e
xper
ienc
e re
latio
nshi
ps th
at d
on’t
wor
k. Is
sues
surr
ound
ing
brea
king
up
are
addr
esse
d in
the
final
sect
ion.
Issu
es in
clud
e: to
kno
w w
hen
it’s t
ime,
ho
w to
beg
in, a
nd m
ovin
g fo
rwar
d w
ith li
fe a
fter a
bre
akup
. Sp
ecia
l atte
ntio
n w
ill b
e gi
ven
to y
oung
par
ents
bec
ause
thei
r iss
ues a
re m
ore
com
plic
ated
.
• To
ana
lyze
the
diffe
renc
es b
etw
een
heal
thy
and
unhe
alth
y re
latio
nshi
ps
• To
dem
onst
rate
usi
ng a
thre
e-qu
estio
n gu
ide
in a
sses
sing
a re
latio
nshi
p•
To d
evel
op a
list
of f
un a
ctiv
ities
to k
eep
a re
latio
nshi
p st
rong
• To
ana
lyze
the
issu
es a
roun
d br
eaki
ng u
p •
To o
ffer a
dditi
onal
tips
to y
oung
par
ents
who
bre
ak u
p
Is I
t a
Hea
lthy
Rel
atio
nshi
p?
Go
als
Copyright Marline E. Pearson
Less
on
6 10
4
6.1
How
Can
You
Tel
l?
(35
min
utes
)
Act
iviti
es: R
elatio
nshi
p Sc
ulpt
ures
; Wor
ds th
at T
ell; A
sses
sing
My
Rela
tions
hip
6.2
H
avin
g Fu
n—It
’s Im
port
ant!
(5-
10 m
inut
es)
A
ctiv
ity: F
un B
rain
stor
m
6.3
Br
eaki
ng U
p (2
0 m
inut
es)
A
ctiv
ities
: Is I
t Tim
e? B
ette
r and
Wor
se W
ays;
Tips
for P
aren
ts
6.4
Trus
ted
Adu
lt C
onne
ctio
n (2
min
utes
) R
esou
rces
:6a
. Si
x Ty
pes o
f Rela
tions
hips
Act
ivity
Car
ds (c
lass
set):
(Loc
ate
colo
red
card
s in
bac
k of
m
anua
l. C
ut si
x ca
rds a
nd la
min
ate.
Dup
licat
e m
aste
r on
CD
)
6b.
Hea
lthy
or U
nhea
lthy?
flas
hcar
ds (L
ocat
e co
lore
d ca
rds
in b
ack
of m
anua
l. C
ut
card
s. D
uplic
ate
mas
ter o
n C
D)
6c.
Hea
lthy
and
Unh
ealth
y Re
latio
nshi
ps h
ando
ut (d
uplic
ate,
one
per
per
son)
6d.
Lots
of F
un (d
uplic
ate,
one
per
per
son)
6e.
Brea
kup
Tips
han
dout
(opt
iona
l)
6f.
Sur
vivi
ng a
Brea
kup
hand
out (
optio
nal)
Mat
eria
ls:
• C
D: P
ower
Poin
t Pre
sent
atio
n an
d D
uplic
ate
Mas
ters
•
How
Hea
lthy
Is th
is Re
latio
nshi
p? p
oste
r (Lo
cate
in p
ocke
t of m
anua
l)•
Scul
ptin
g m
ater
ials
—
Play
doug
h –
six
cont
aine
rs o
r mor
e if
tiny
ones
—
Pipe
cle
aner
s—
Po
psic
le/c
raft
stic
ks
Mat
eria
ls C
heck
list
Less
on
at a
Gla
nce
-
Copyright 2012 Marline E. Pearson
Less
on
6 10
5
—
Min
iatu
re m
arsh
mal
low
s or s
ugar
spic
e dr
op c
andy
—
Toot
hpic
ks•
Flip
char
t/bo
ard
• M
usic
Wor
kboo
k A
pplic
atio
n:•
IsItaHealthyRelationship?
(pgs
20-
21)
R
ead
thro
ugh
the
less
on to
be
fam
iliar
with
the
thre
e-qu
estio
n gu
ide
utili
zed
for
gaug
ing
the
heal
th o
f rel
atio
nshi
ps.
P
revi
ew th
e Le
sson
Six
Pow
erPo
int P
rese
ntat
ion—
espe
cial
ly to
see
the
pict
ures
and
de
scrip
tions
of s
culp
ture
s con
stru
cted
by
past
gro
ups.
L
ocat
e co
lore
d Si
x Ty
pes o
f Rela
tions
hips
Act
ivity
Car
ds (R
esou
rce
6a).
Col
ored
ac
tivity
car
ds in
bac
k of
man
ual.
Cut
.
G
athe
r scu
lptin
g m
ater
ials
. (M
ater
ials
are
reus
able
)
L
ocat
e co
lore
d H
ealth
y or
Unh
ealth
y fla
shca
rds (
Reso
urce
6b)
col
ored
act
ivity
car
ds
in b
ack
of m
anua
l. C
ut.
R
evie
w th
e w
orkb
ook
appl
icat
ion
Is It
a H
ealth
y Re
latio
nshi
p? (p
gs 2
0-21
)
D
uplic
ate
Lots
of F
un H
ando
ut (R
esou
rce
6d).
One
for e
ach
per p
artic
ipan
t.
D
uplic
ate
Hea
lthy
and
Unh
ealth
y Re
latio
nshi
ps (R
esou
rce
6c),
Brea
kup
Tips
(Res
ourc
e 6e
), Su
rviv
ing
a Bre
akup
(Res
ourc
e 6f
), an
d Ti
ps fo
r Par
ents
(Res
ourc
e 6g
). D
ecid
e w
hich
you
will
dis
trib
ute.
D
ispl
ay th
e H
ow H
ealth
y Is
this
Rela
tions
hip?
pos
ter.
Prep
arat
ion
Less
on
6 10
6
SECT
ION
6.1
Ho
w C
an Y
ou
Tell?
(PP
1) T
his s
ectio
n of
fers
par
ticip
ants
a cl
ear t
hree
-que
stio
n fr
amew
ork
to u
tiliz
e in
det
erm
inin
g w
heth
er a
rela
tions
hip
is
heal
thy
or u
nhea
lthy.
A fu
n sc
ulpt
ing
activ
ity b
ased
on
thos
e th
ree
ques
tions
will
hel
p pa
rtici
pant
s exp
lore
mor
e de
eply
wha
t a
heal
thy
rela
tions
hip
is an
d w
hat i
t is n
ot. T
he sc
ulpt
ing
activ
ity a
nd
a br
ief “
wor
ds th
at te
ll” a
ctiv
ity co
ntin
ue to
bui
ld la
ngua
ge sk
ills
for d
iscus
sing
heal
thy
rela
tions
hips
. Fin
ally
, par
ticip
ants
use
a se
lf-as
sess
men
t exe
rcise
to a
naly
ze th
eir o
wn
rela
tions
hips
. Be
gin
this
Sec
tion
with
thes
e po
ints
:
Toda
y w
e’re g
oing
to ex
plor
e the
diff
eren
ces b
etw
een
heal
thy
and
unhe
alth
y re
latio
nshi
ps a
lit
tle d
eepe
r.
Som
etim
es th
e diff
eren
ces m
ay n
ot b
e clea
r. If
you
have
n’t s
een
man
y go
od m
odels
of h
ealth
y re
latio
nshi
ps it
wou
ld b
e har
d to
kno
w if
one
is h
ealth
y or
unh
ealth
y.
So, h
ow ca
n on
e tell
if th
e rela
tions
hip
is he
alth
y an
d w
orth
stay
ing
in?
Ann
ounc
e th
at y
ou a
re g
oing
to sh
are
thre
e es
sent
ial q
uest
ions
that
can
be
aske
d to
de
term
ine
if a
rela
tions
hip
is h
ealth
y.
Ther
e are
thre
e que
stio
ns y
ou ca
n as
k to d
eter
min
e if a
rela
tions
hip
is he
alth
y. Th
e thr
ee
ques
tions
are s
impl
e but
impo
rtan
t, an
d ha
ve to
be an
swer
ed h
ones
tly. I
f you
do,
you
will
kn
ow if
the r
elatio
nshi
p is
heal
thy
or n
ot. T
hese
ques
tions
can
appl
y to
rom
antic
rela
tions
hips
and
frien
dshi
ps.
Dire
ct a
ttent
ion
to th
e H
ow H
ealth
y Is
this
Rela
tions
hip?
pos
ter.
Alte
rnat
ely
use
the
Pow
erPo
int s
lides
or w
rite
the
follo
win
g on
a
flipc
hart
/boa
rd: (
PP 2
)
• Sc
ulp
ting
mat
eria
ls•
Mus
ic
• Re
sour
ce 6
a. S
ix T
ypes
of R
elat
ions
hip
s A
ctiv
ity C
ard
s•
Reso
urce
6b
. Hea
lthy
or U
nhea
lthy
card
s•
Wor
kboo
k: Is
It a
Hea
lthy
Rela
tions
hip
? (p
gs 2
0-21
)
35 m
inut
es
-
Copyright 2012 Marline E. Pearson
Less
on
6 10
7
HO
W D
OES
IT F
EEL?
TH
REE
QUE
STIO
NS
TO A
SK
UN
HEA
LTH
Y
HEA
LTH
Y
Con
ditio
nal?
O
R U
ncon
ditio
nal?
Con
trollin
g?
OR
Equa
l, re
spec
tful,
Disre
spec
tful?
and
supp
ortiv
e?
Mos
tly se
xual/
mate
rial?
O
R A
ttrac
tion
on m
any l
evels
?
Ann
ounc
e th
ey w
ill n
ow d
o a
fun
activ
ity to
exp
lore
six
diffe
rent
type
s of r
elat
ions
hips
. Th
e si
x ty
pes o
f rel
atio
nshi
ps a
re C
ondi
tiona
l; U
ncon
ditio
nal;
Cont
rolli
ng or
Disr
espe
ctfu
l; Respectful,EqualandSupportive;MostlyaboutSexorMaterialThingsandSelfish;a
nd
Attr
actio
ns on
Man
y Le
vels
and
Giv
ing.
Div
ide
parti
cipa
nts i
nto
six g
roup
s and
dist
ribut
e on
e ca
rd (S
ix
Type
s of R
elatio
nshi
ps, R
esou
rce
6a) t
o ea
ch g
roup
. Ea
ch ca
rd
desc
ribes
one
of t
he re
latio
nshi
p ty
pes l
isted
on
the
slide
/boa
rd.
Hav
e sc
ulpt
ing
supp
lies i
n a
cent
ral a
rea
for t
he g
roup
to u
se.
If yo
u ha
ve a
ver
y sm
all g
roup
, thr
ee g
roup
s can
do
two
scul
ptur
es
each
—on
e fo
r eac
h of
the
cont
rast
ing
answ
ers.
Giv
e di
rect
ions
: (PP
3)
Ea
ch g
roup
has
a ca
rd th
at d
escr
ibes
one o
f the
six
type
s of r
elatio
nshi
ps. T
hree
are h
ealth
y an
d th
ree u
nhea
lthy.
Hav
e on
e pe
rson
read
the
card
alo
ud a
nd th
en d
iscu
ss:
•Haveanyofyoueverseenarelationshiplikethis.Whatbehaviorsdoyousee?
•Whatisitliketobearoundthiscouple?
•Ifyouwereinthattypeofrelationshiphowwoulditfeel?
Afte
r a sh
ort d
iscus
sion
get m
ater
ials
(pla
y do
ugh,
pip
e clea
ners
, cra
ft st
icks,
toot
hpick
s, an
d sp
ice d
rops
, and
mak
e a sc
ulpt
ure t
hat r
epre
sent
s tha
t rela
tions
hip.
Hav
e fun
. Thi
s isn
’t ab
out g
reat
art o
r mak
ing
thin
gs lo
ok re
al. U
se y
our i
mag
inat
ion.
Th
ink a
bout
sym
bols
and
imag
es. L
et m
e giv
e you
exam
ples
of w
hat s
ome p
ast g
roup
s hav
e do
ne.
Act
ivity
: Rel
atio
nshi
p S
culp
ture
s
Less
on
6 10
8
For t
he C
ontr
ollin
g/D
isre
spec
tful
rela
tions
hip,
one
gro
up sc
ulpt
ed a
dog
out
of p
lay
doug
h, an
d th
en m
ade a
colla
r and
leas
h ou
t of p
ipe c
leane
rs co
nnec
ted
to a
rem
ote c
ontr
ol
(alsoou
tofplaydough)heldbyalargepipecleanerstickfigure.
For t
he E
qual
and
Sup
port
ive
rela
tions
hip,
one
gro
up m
ade a
brid
ge. T
wo
pipe
clea
ner
peop
le w
ere o
n it.
The
diff
eren
t col
ored
pla
nks i
n th
e brid
ge re
pres
ente
d th
e uni
que t
hing
s ea
ch on
e bro
ught
to th
e rela
tions
hip.
The
y w
ere u
sed
to co
nstr
uct a
sa
fe st
ruct
ure f
or th
em to
on w
alk
toge
ther
. It s
ymbo
lized
a h
ealth
y m
ix of
indi
vidu
alism
and
toge
ther
ness
, and
supp
ort f
or ea
ch o
ther
.
Not
e: O
r, sh
ow e
xam
ples
from
the
Pow
erPo
int s
lides
. (PP
4-5
) M
ore
exam
ples
are
at t
he e
nd o
f the
slid
esho
w.
Let t
hem
kno
w th
ey w
ill h
ave
ten
min
utes
to w
ork.
Pla
y m
usic
w
hile
they
wor
k. C
all a
five
-min
ute
and
then
a o
ne-m
inut
e w
arni
ng to
kee
p th
em o
n tr
ack.
Proc
essi
ng th
e ac
tivity
:
Whe
n fin
ishe
d, th
e en
tire
grou
p sh
ould
get
up
from
thei
r sea
ts
and
trav
el fr
om sc
ulpt
ure
to sc
ulpt
ure.
Ask
eac
h gr
oup
to fi
rst
iden
tify
the
kind
of r
elat
ions
hip
they
hav
e (i.
e. C
ondi
tiona
l or
Unc
ondi
tiona
l; Co
ntro
lling
or S
uppo
rtiv
e and
Equ
al; o
r Mos
tly
Mat
eria
l/Sex
ual o
r Attr
actio
n on
Man
y Le
vels)
and
to re
ad th
e de
scrip
tion
on th
eir c
ard
alou
d to
eve
ryon
e ga
ther
ed a
roun
d th
eir s
culp
ture
(or t
he in
stru
ctor
can
read
the
card
). Th
en, t
hey
inte
rpre
t the
ir sc
ulpt
ure
and
desc
ribe
how
its f
eatu
res r
epre
sent
that
kin
d of
re
latio
nshi
p.
Use
the
desc
riptio
ns o
f the
ir sc
ulpt
ures
as a
sprin
gboa
rd fo
r dis
cuss
ion.
Tak
e a
phot
ogra
ph o
f eac
h sc
ulpt
ure
for l
ater
use
and
/or d
ispl
ay. B
elow
are
som
e po
ints
to a
id
your
dis
cuss
ion.
Cont
rolli
ng re
latio
nshi
ps ca
n ev
olve
into
abu
sive o
nes.
Eve
ryon
e sho
uld
be o
n th
e loo
kout
fordangersignsor“redflags”ifarelationshipfeelsatallcontrollingordisrespectful.
It is
not o
kay
for a
boy
frien
d or
girl
frien
d to
mak
e you
feel
bad,
call
you
nam
es, p
ut y
ou
dow
n, or
disr
espe
ct y
ou.
A he
alth
y re
latio
nshi
p m
eans
the o
ther
per
son
mak
es y
ou fe
el go
od
abou
t who
you
are.
-
Copyright 2012 Marline E. Pearson
Less
on
6 10
9
Post
the
phot
os o
f the
ir sc
ulpt
ures
with
a c
opy
of th
e de
scrip
tive
card
und
erne
ath.
Thi
s ca
n se
rve
as a
n im
port
ant r
emin
der a
nd h
onor
thei
r wor
k an
d cr
eativ
ity.
The
goal
of t
his b
rief a
ctiv
ity is
to c
ontin
ue to
bui
ld v
ocab
ular
y fo
r tal
king
abo
ut h
ealth
y an
d un
heal
thy
rela
tions
hips
. Shu
ffle
the
colo
red
flash
card
s Hea
lthy
or U
nhea
lthy?
(Res
ourc
e 6b
) fou
nd
in th
e ba
ck o
f the
man
ual.
(PP
6)
I’m h
oldi
ng a
stac
k of c
ards
with
a w
ord
on ea
ch on
e.
As I
say
the w
ord
and
hold
up
the c
ard,
I’d
like y
ou to
shou
t out
if y
ou th
ink i
t goe
s in
the
heal
thy
or u
nhea
lthy
rela
tions
hip
pile.
Ask
par
ticip
ants
to lo
cate
Is It
a H
ealth
y Re
latio
nshi
p? (w
orkb
ook
page
s 20-
21).
Intro
duce
:
In th
is ex
ercis
e you
will
hav
e the
oppo
rtun
ity to
asse
ss y
our r
elatio
nshi
p.
For t
hose
not
in a
rela
tions
hip,
you
can
eithe
r ass
ess a
pas
t rela
tions
hip
or a
rela
tions
hip
of
som
eone
you
know
well
.
Eith
er w
ay, i
t will
offer
you
insig
hts a
nd h
elp y
ou th
ink m
ore a
bout
the b
ehav
iors
that
re
pres
ent a
hea
lthy
rela
tions
hip.
(PP
7) In
stru
ct p
artic
ipan
ts to
read
the
intr
oduc
tion
and
then
to
not
ice
the
thre
e co
ntin
uum
s fro
m re
d (u
nhea
lthy)
to g
reen
(h
ealth
y). A
fter r
eadi
ng e
ach
set o
f que
stio
ns, t
hey
are
to m
ark
an
“x”
on e
ach
scal
e to
indi
cate
whe
re th
e re
latio
nshi
p fa
lls (o
r fel
l) in
the
cate
gory
. Afte
r the
y fin
ish
the
asse
ssm
ent,
inst
ruct
them
to
desc
ribe
thre
e be
havi
ors t
hat a
re p
erso
nally
impo
rtan
t and
whi
ch
plac
e a
rela
tions
hip
firm
ly in
the
heal
thy
gree
n zo
ne.
Act
ivity
: Wo
rds
that
Tel
l
Act
ivity
: Ass
essi
ng R
elat
ions
hip
s
Less
on
6 11
0
SECT
ION
6.2
Hav
ing
Fun—
Its
Imp
ort
ant!
In t
his v
ery
brie
f sec
tion,
par
ticip
ants
will
lear
n th
at h
avin
g fu
n an
d co
ntin
uing
to h
ave
fun
is a
ctua
lly p
retty
impo
rtan
t to
succ
essf
ul a
nd h
ealth
y re
latio
nshi
ps. P
artic
ipan
ts w
ill b
rain
stor
m
and
shar
e id
eas f
or fu
n. (
PP 8
)
Intr
oduc
e th
e id
ea o
f why
fun
is so
impo
rtan
t to
heal
thy
rela
tions
hips
:
H
avin
g fu
n, b
eliev
e it o
r not
, is v
ery
impo
rtan
t to
a sa
tisfy
ing
long
-term
rela
tions
hip.
D
oing
enjo
yabl
e thi
ngs t
oget
her h
elps t
wo
peop
le fee
l con
nect
ed to
each
oth
er.
Whe
n co
uples
hav
e hap
py ex
perie
nces
to cr
eate
a p
ositi
ve b
ond,
it is
easie
r to
cope
with
irr
itatio
ns, s
tres
s, an
d to
tack
le th
e pro
blem
s of e
very
day
life.
Expl
ain
wha
t ofte
n ha
ppen
s to
fun
in lo
ng-te
rm re
latio
nshi
ps o
r mar
riage
s:
So, w
hat h
appe
ns to
fun
in a
long-
term
relat
ionsh
ip, m
arria
ge or
com
mitt
ed u
nion
? M
ost c
oupl
es
start
with
fun
as p
art o
f the
relat
ionsh
ip. A
s life
gets
busy
, cou
ples
often
let t
ime f
or fu
n sli
p aw
ay.
Itcanbetoughtofindfreetimew
ithwork,school,responsibilities,andchildren.
And
, whe
n th
ere i
s fre
e tim
e, it
is ea
sy to
slid
e int
o w
atch
ing
a lo
t of T
V sh
ows,
play
ing
gam
es on
the c
ompu
ter,
or F
aceb
ooki
ng.
A de
cisio
n co
uld
be m
ade t
o sp
end
som
e of t
hat
prec
ious
tim
e hav
ing
fun
with
a p
artn
er, f
riend
s, fa
mily
, or c
hild
.
Ther
e is n
othi
ng ag
ains
t TV
or co
mpu
ter g
ames
, or e
ven
Face
book
, but
it ca
n be
aw
fully
ea
sy to
mak
e the
m th
e maj
or th
ing
we d
o.
Did
you
know
rese
arch
show
s peo
ple a
re h
appi
est w
hen
they
are
out
doi
ng th
ings
, spe
ndin
g tim
e with
othe
rs or
wor
king
on so
me h
obby
or i
nter
est?
• Re
sour
ce 6
d. L
ots
of F
un h
and
out
5-10
min
utes
-
Copyright 2012 Marline E. Pearson
Less
on
6 11
1
Thos
e cou
ples
that
mak
e the
effo
rt to
do f
un th
ings
toge
ther
, no m
atte
r how
bus
y lif
e get
s, ar
e rew
arde
d. O
ver t
ime,
the c
oupl
es th
at ke
ep fu
n al
ive h
ave m
ore s
atisf
ying
rela
tions
hips
.
Rese
arch
on h
appi
ness
and
fun
also
tells
us i
t is i
mpo
rtan
t to
do d
iffer
ent t
hing
s fro
m ti
me
to ti
me.
A gr
eat i
dea i
s to t
ry ou
t new
activ
ities
for k
eepi
ng fu
n al
ive.
(PP
9) D
ivid
e in
to g
roup
s of t
hree
or f
our a
nd a
nnou
nce
ther
e w
ill b
e a
thre
e-m
inut
e co
mpe
titio
n. E
ach
grou
p is
to b
rain
stor
m a
lis
t of i
deas
of f
un th
ings
to d
o w
ith a
par
tner
or f
riend
acc
ordi
ng
to tw
o cr
iteria
: cos
t and
tim
e. S
ome
idea
s sho
uld
be fr
ee, s
ome
shou
ld c
ost j
ust a
littl
e, a
nd o
ther
s can
cos
t mor
e. S
ome
fun
idea
s sh
ould
take
less
than
a h
alf h
our,
an e
veni
ng, a
ll af
tern
oon,
the
who
le d
ay o
r lon
ger.
Tell
them
to m
ix it
up
and
striv
e fo
r var
iety
, fun
, and
cre
ativ
ity. B
ut th
ey a
ll m
ust c
ome
up
with
som
e fu
n id
eas t
hat a
re fr
ee.
(PP
10) W
hen
time
is u
p pa
ss o
ut L
ots o
f Fun
(Res
ourc
e 6d
). A
s gr
oups
repo
rt th
eir i
deas
for f
un, i
nstr
uct p
artic
ipan
ts to
jot
dow
n th
e on
es th
ey li
ke (a
nd th
eir o
wn)
on
the
shee
t. Su
gges
t th
ey ta
pe th
e lis
t on
thei
r ref
riger
ator
to re
min
d th
em o
f a v
arie
ty
of th
ings
to d
o fo
r fun
. A
dd id
eas a
s the
y th
ink
of th
em. I
n fa
mily
, frie
nds,
and
rom
antic
rela
tions
hips
, ind
ivid
uals
can
kee
p th
eir o
wn
list a
nd ta
ke tu
rns s
ugge
stin
g id
eas.
Not
e: T
his a
ctiv
ity
can
be a
ssig
ned
to d
o ou
t of s
essi
on if
tim
e is
lim
ited.
Act
ivity
: Fun
Bra
inst
orm
Less
on
6 11
2
SECT
ION
6.3
Brea
king
Up
This s
ectio
n lo
oks a
t man
y of
the
issu
es su
rrou
ndin
g br
eaki
ng
up: h
ow to
dec
ide,
why
it h
appe
ns, b
ette
r and
wor
se w
ays t
o en
d it,
and
mov
ing
forw
ard
afte
r a b
reak
up. S
peci
al ti
ps a
re o
ffere
d fo
r you
ng p
aren
ts. (
PP 1
1)
Intr
oduc
e th
e to
pic:
Ther
e is a
quo
te th
at sa
ys, “
Peop
le ar
e in
your
life
for R
EASO
N, a
SEASO
NoraLIFETIME.”N
oteveryfriendshiporromanticrelationshipismeanttolast.
This
prog
ram
has
giv
en y
ou th
e opp
ortu
nity
to le
arn
mor
e abo
ut y
ours
elf, r
ecog
nize
wha
t yo
u w
ant a
nd ex
pect
, and
how
to b
ehav
e in
a w
ay th
at g
ives
you
a v
oice
and
a ch
oice
.
Just
like
ther
e are
hea
lthy
and
unhe
alth
y w
ays t
o st
art a
rela
tions
hip,
ther
e are
hea
lthy
and
unhe
alth
y w
ays t
o end
one.
How
do y
ou kn
ow w
hen
it’s t
ime,
how
will
you
end
it, a
nd h
ow
will
you
mov
e on?
Take
a lo
ok at
this
slide
to re
view
all
the i
nfor
mat
ion
and
skill
s yo
u’ve
lear
ned
so fa
r to h
elp y
ou d
ecid
e if a
rela
tions
hip
is w
orth
it
or sh
ould
end.
(PP
12)
Intr
oduc
e w
ith p
oint
s bel
ow a
nd th
en q
uick
ly ru
n th
roug
h vo
ting
on th
e si
tuat
ions
.
It’s r
are f
or an
yone
to es
cape
hav
ing
their
hea
rt b
roke
n or
bein
g a
hear
tbre
aker
. Mos
t peo
ple
findthemselveson
oneorbothsidesandoftenmorethanonce.
Act
ivity
: Bre
ak U
p o
r St
ay T
oge
ther
?
• Re
sour
ce 6
e: B
reak
up T
ips
• Re
sour
ce 6
f: Su
rviv
ing
a Br
eaku
p•
Reso
urce
6g:
Tip
s fo
r Par
ents
20 M
inut
es
-
Copyright 2012 Marline E. Pearson
Less
on
6 11
3
Som
etim
es it
’s ha
rd to
know
if y
ou sh
ould
bre
ak u
p or
stay
toge
ther
.
Le
t’s lo
ok at
a few
situ
atio
ns. G
ive y
our o
pini
on b
y gi
ving
a th
umbs
-up
or th
umbs
-dow
n vo
te on
whe
ther
they
shou
ld st
ay to
geth
er or
bre
ak u
p.
Situ
atio
ns to
read
alo
ud: (
PP 1
3-14
)
1.
Your
par
tner
lies
to y
ou re
peat
edly
. If c
augh
t in
the
lie,
ther
e’s a
n ap
olog
y. It
hap
pens
aga
in a
nd a
gain
.
2.
He
only
trea
ts y
ou n
icel
y in
priv
ate.
In th
e ho
use
it’s,
“I lo
ve
you,
bab
y,”
but i
n pu
blic
he
igno
res y
ou, o
r tal
ks c
rude
ly to
yo
u. A
t the
mal
l, he
has
a h
abit
of p
oint
ing
out h
ot w
omen
an
d as
ks w
hy y
ou c
an’t
look
like
that
.
3.
Your
par
tner
is n
ice,
but
trut
hful
ly so
meo
ne e
lse
has c
augh
t yo
ur e
ye. (
*See
com
men
tary
bel
ow.)
4.
Your
feel
ings
hav
e ch
ange
d. Y
ou ju
st d
on’t
feel
the
sam
e ab
out h
im o
r her
as y
ou d
id th
e fir
st fe
w w
eeks
.
5.
The
two
of y
ou a
re fi
ghtin
g m
ore
and
mor
e an
d ar
e un
able
to re
ally
talk
thin
gs o
ut.
Your
par
tner
refu
ses t
o w
ork
on c
omm
unic
atio
n sk
ills.
Als
o, y
our p
artn
er p
uts y
ou
dow
n. A
rgum
ents
feel
scar
y so
met
imes
.
6.
Your
par
tner
’s fe
elin
gs a
re st
rong
er th
an y
ours
. She
or h
e is
pus
hing
for a
leve
l of
com
mitm
ent y
ou d
on’t
feel
or w
ant.
7.
You
feel
smot
here
d by
the
rela
tions
hip,
and
you
r par
tner
trie
s to
keep
you
from
do
ing
impo
rtan
t thi
ngs.
You
wou
ld li
ke to
bet
ter y
ours
elf b
y go
ing
to sc
hool
or
atte
ndin
g a
pare
ntin
g sk
ills w
orks
hop.
8.
You
wan
t you
r par
tner
to st
op d
rinki
ng so
muc
h or
usi
ng/d
ealin
g dr
ugs,
but h
e or
sh
e re
fuse
s.
Less
on
6 11
4
*Com
men
tary
on
situ
atio
n th
ree:
It co
uld
be y
ou’v
e got
ten
to k
now
each
oth
er b
ette
r, th
e lov
e che
mica
ls ha
ve se
ttled
, and
yo
u’ve
disc
over
ed y
ou tw
o are
not
a g
ood
mat
ch. M
ovin
g on
may
be w
ise.
On
the o
ther
han
d, if
you
are i
n a
heal
thy
mar
riage
or c
omm
itted
rela
tions
hip,
thin
k tw
ice.
Eveninthebestm
arriagesandlong-termrelationshipspeoplecanfindsomeoneelse
attr
activ
e fro
m ti
me t
o tim
e. It
is na
tura
l and
nor
mal
.
Act
ing
on a
perio
dic a
ttrac
tion
is en
tirely
som
ethi
ng el
se. I
f you
love
som
eone
and
are
co
mm
itted
, don
’t pu
t you
rself
in co
mpr
omisi
ng si
tuat
ions
that
mig
ht ta
ke y
ou d
own
the
path
of ch
eatin
g (e
.g. s
eein
g th
em a
lone
, pou
ring
out y
our h
eart
or l
isten
ing
to th
em p
our
their
hea
rt ou
t to y
ou).
Goingtodeeperlevelsofem
otionalintimacywhenyoufeelsom
echemistrywilldefinitely
put y
ou on
the p
ath
to ch
eatin
g. A
nd, w
hen
child
ren
are i
nvol
ved,
it’s
not j
ust b
etra
ying
yo
ur p
artn
er, b
ut ch
eatin
g on
you
r chi
ld.
Remember,mostaffairsdon
otstartw
iththefirstkiss.Theystartw
ithem
otional
intim
acy—
shar
ing
wha
t’s in
you
r hea
rt. W
ork
on g
reat
er in
timac
y w
ith y
our p
artn
er a
nd
ifyouarehavingdifficulties,pouryourheartouttoawisepersonwhodoesnothavesexual
chem
istry
with
you
.
Poin
t out
that
one
of t
he m
ost c
omm
on re
ason
s for
you
ng p
eopl
e br
eaki
ng u
p is
that
one
or b
oth
pers
ons’
feel
ings
cha
nge:
(PP
15)
Afte
r the
love
chem
icals
settl
e dow
n a
bit,
it be
com
es cl
ear w
hat
youseeineachother.Youmaydecideyoureallydon’tfitasa
coup
le. Y
ou m
ay h
ave v
astly
diff
eren
t prio
rities
or i
nter
ests
. It’s
no
t eith
er on
e’s fa
ult.
Your
per
sona
lities
just
don
’t w
ork
toge
ther
.
Dis
cuss
ion:
Co
mm
on
Reas
ons
fo
r Br
eaku
ps
-
Copyright 2012 Marline E. Pearson
Less
on
6 11
5
Or,
afte
r the
chem
istry
settl
es a
bit,
you
may
disc
over
pro
blem
beh
avio
rs. Y
ou m
ay d
etec
t issuesorproblemsthatm
akeitdifficulttohavearelationship.Oneorbothofyoumayneed
to d
evot
e som
e tim
e to y
our o
wn
deve
lopm
ent.
It’s s
mar
t to t
ake y
our t
ime b
efore
get
ting
too i
nvol
ved.
It is
even
mor
e im
port
ant i
f you
al
read
y ha
ve a
child
. It
is ha
rd on
child
ren
to d
rag
them
in an
d ou
t of y
our r
elatio
nshi
ps.
Rem
embe
r the
3-6
-9 R
ule!
Onc
e yo
u de
cide
to b
reak
up,
mak
e a
plan
. The
re a
re b
ette
r and
w
orse
way
s to
brea
k up
. C
ondu
ct a
qui
ck b
rain
stor
m. A
sk th
e gr
oup
to q
uick
ly id
entif
y so
me
real
ly b
ad w
ays t
o br
eak
up.
Don
’t sp
end
too
muc
h tim
e. Ju
st g
et so
me
exam
ples
. Add
the
follo
win
g if
need
ed: (
PP 1
6)
• G
et a
frie
nd to
tell
him
or h
er•
Do
it th
roug
h a
text
mes
sage
• C
hang
e yo
ur F
aceb
ook
stat
us b
efor
e te
lling
the
part
ner
• Sa
bato
ge h
is/h
er F
aceb
ook
• W
ait f
or a
figh
t and
giv
e th
em th
e bl
ame
• D
o th
ings
to m
ake
him
or h
er b
reak
up
with
you
• Ig
nore
him
or h
er in
the
hope
that
they
’ll g
et th
e m
essa
ge•
Be se
en w
ith a
noth
er p
erso
n, o
r wor
se, g
et in
volv
ed w
ith h
is o
r her
bes
t frie
nd•
Say,
“W
e ca
n st
ill se
e ea
ch o
ther
, but
let’s
just
be
frie
nds.”
How
man
y ha
ve h
eard
this
to c
over
up
the
trut
h, “
I’m ju
st n
ot th
at in
to y
ou”?
It c
an
give
som
eone
fals
e ho
pe. I
s thi
s fai
r? I
f one
per
son
still
des
ires a
rela
tions
hip,
“ju
st
bein
g fr
iend
s” c
an b
e to
rtur
e.
Brai
nsto
rm: B
ette
r an
d W
ors
e W
ays
Less
on
6 11
6
Pass
out
the
hand
out B
reak
up T
ips (
Reso
urce
6e)
or u
se
Pow
erPo
int a
nd b
riefly
revi
ew: (
PP 1
7)
1. T
alk
to a
trus
ted
and
wis
e pe
rson
: Dis
cuss
the
reas
ons t
he
rela
tions
hip
does
not
wor
k. If
they
enc
oura
ge d
ram
a, c
hasi
ng
afte
r him
or h
er in
a d
espe
rate
way
, or w
on’t
keep
you
r con
vers
atio
n pr
ivat
e, th
ey a
re
not w
ise
or a
per
son
to tr
ust.
Tell
frie
nds a
nd fa
mily
whe
n yo
u’re
end
ing
it.
2. P
ick
a tim
e an
d pl
ace:
Pic
k a
priv
ate
plac
e. D
o no
t bre
ak u
p in
fron
t of h
is o
r her
frie
nds.
The
pers
on m
ay b
ecom
e em
otio
nal.
They
may
cry
, be
angr
y, o
r wan
t to
talk
. G
ive
him
or h
er th
e re
spec
t priv
acy
prov
ides
. Don
’t te
ll th
e pe
rson
righ
t bef
ore
a bi
g ev
ent s
uch
as th
eir b
irthd
ay, a
gam
e, p
erfo
rman
ce, o
r the
star
t of t
he sc
hool
or w
orkd
ay.
A g
ood
time
is a
Sat
urda
y or
Frid
ay a
fter s
choo
l or w
ork.
Thi
s tim
ing
will
giv
e yo
u bo
th
time
to st
art g
ettin
g ov
er it
and
to ta
lk to
supp
ortiv
e pe
ople
. Be
sure
to te
ll th
e pe
rson
yo
urse
lf.
Cau
tion:
If y
ou th
ink
the
pers
on m
ay b
ecom
e vi
olen
t, br
eak
up in
a sa
fe p
lace
. The
re
shou
ld b
e he
lpfu
l peo
ple
near
by a
nd p
rese
nt. S
eek
supp
ort a
nd a
dvic
e fr
om th
e lo
cal
dom
estic
vio
lenc
e gr
oup
to d
evel
op a
safe
ty p
lan.
3. M
ake
a cl
ean
brea
k: D
on’t
put i
t off.
Spe
ll it
out c
lear
ly. B
e ho
nest
and
dire
ct, b
ut n
otcr
uel.
Say:
“I w
ant t
o br
eak
up. T
his r
elat
ions
hip
is o
ver.”
Or,
“I d
o no
t hav
e th
e sa
me
feel
ings
any
mor
e.”
Do
not s
trin
g so
meo
ne a
long
.
4. H
ave
a m
etho
d to
avo
id c
ruel
ty: I
nclu
de in
you
r con
vers
atio
n w
hat y
ou li
ke a
nd
appr
ecia
te a
bout
the
othe
r per
son.
But
don
’t gi
ve fa
lse
hope
or m
ixed
mes
sage
s abo
ut
your
dec
isio
n.
Dis
cuss
ion:
Bre
akup
Tip
s
-
Copyright 2012 Marline E. Pearson
Less
on
6 11
7
Afte
r a b
reak
up, i
t is i
mpo
rtan
t to
have
a re
ality
che
ck. M
ost p
eopl
e w
ill h
ave
hear
tbre
aks.
Very
few
peo
ple
avoi
d ex
perie
ncin
g a
brea
kup
at so
me
poin
t eith
er a
s a
teen
ager
or l
ater
in li
fe.
Poin
t out
that
it is
nat
ural
to fe
el st
rong
ly:
Go a
head
and
cry.
Cry
ing
is a g
reat
way
to re
lease
you
r str
ong
emot
ions
.
It’s n
orm
al to
feel
mise
rabl
e whe
n so
meo
ne h
as d
umpe
d yo
u.
Pick
a go
od sh
ould
er on
whi
ch to
cry.
Fin
d a p
erso
n yo
u ca
n tr
ust;
a wise
per
son
who
has
so
me p
ersp
ectiv
e to o
ffer y
ou. A
wise
per
son
will
not
enco
urag
e youto“chaseafteryourex”orengageintherevengegam
e.
Brie
fly re
view
Sur
vivi
ng a
Brea
kup
hand
out (
Reso
urce
6f )
. (P
P 18
)
1.
Don
’t bl
ame
your
self
. The
re a
re m
any
reas
ons w
hy
rela
tions
hips
end
. Mak
e a
list o
f you
r pos
itive
qua
litie
s. U
ltim
atel
y yo
u w
ant a
par
tner
who
adm
ires y
ou, r
ecog
nize
s yo
ur q
ualit
ies,
is a
s cra
zy a
bout
you
as y
ou a
re o
f him
or h
er,
and
acce
pts y
ou a
s you
are
. Als
o, m
ake
a lis
t of w
hat y
ou
wan
t in
a pa
rtne
r. W
hat c
an y
ou le
arn
from
this
rela
tions
hip?
Rev
iew
som
e of
you
r w
orkb
ook
appl
icat
ions
and
do
som
e w
ritin
g on
wha
t you
lear
ned.
2.
Face
real
ity—
it’s
over
. Don
’t be
obs
esse
d w
ith w
inni
ng th
is p
erso
n ba
ck. Y
ou
can’
t for
ce a
rela
tions
hip.
It sa
crifi
ces y
our d
igni
ty to
beg
for a
rela
tions
hip,
to a
ct
desp
erat
e, o
r to
try
to c
hase
afte
r the
per
son.
3.
Stay
aw
ay fr
om th
e re
veng
e ga
me.
For
get a
bout
get
ting
even
or s
prea
ding
rum
ors.
It’s i
mm
atur
e an
d m
akes
you
a sm
all p
erso
n.
4.
Get
per
spec
tive.
Mos
t peo
ple
go th
roug
h a
num
ber o
f rom
ance
s bef
ore
findi
ng a
nd
com
mitt
ing
to th
e rig
ht p
erso
n. W
ith e
ach
rela
tions
hip
you
can
grow
wis
er a
nd m
ore
insi
ghtfu
l abo
ut y
ours
elf,
wha
t you
are
look
ing
for,
and
how
a re
latio
nshi
p sh
ould
be.
Mo
ving
Ahe
ad A
fter
a B
reak
up
Less
on
6 11
8
5.
Don
’t ju
mp
quic
kly
into
ano
ther
rela
tions
hip.
Som
e pe
ople
hop
into
ano
ther
re
latio
nshi
p rig
ht a
way
to m
ake
thei
r ex-
part
ner j
ealo
us o
r to
mak
e th
emse
lves
feel
be
tter.
This
onl
y le
ads t
o m
ore
prob
lem
s and
is n
ot g
ood
if yo
u ha
ve a
chi
ld. G
ive
your
self
time.
Iden
tify
wha
t you
wan
t to
wor
k on
and
do
for y
ours
elf.
6.
Get
out
and
do
thin
gs. A
fter y
ou’v
e gi
ven
your
self
time
to c
ry, g
et b
usy.
Don
’t w
allo
w in
self-
pity
. Sho
ot b
aske
ts o
r kic
k a
ball,
or g
o w
alki
ng, b
ikin
g, o
r fish
ing.
Ta
ke u
p a
hobb
y or
mak
e so
met
hing
. Get
out
side
. Sun
shin
e an
d th
e ou
tdoo
rs c
an b
e he
alin
g. G
ettin
g ac
tive
will
mak
e yo
u fe
el b
ette
r and
put
you
in a
pos
ition
to m
eet
new
peo
ple.
Cal
l frie
nds a
nd m
ake
plan
s.
7.
Rem
embe
r, th
ings
get
bet
ter w
ith ti
me.
Poin
t out
that
mos
t cou
ples
go
thro
ugh
diffi
cult
times
now
and
then
:
W
henarelationshipishealthyandsafe,parentsandchildrenbenefitwhenparentsstay
toge
ther
. It i
s wor
th th
e wor
k to
get
thro
ugh
the t
ough
tim
es.
O
n th
e oth
er h
and,
som
etim
es a
per
son
know
s the
rela
tions
hip
he o
r she
is in
has
no
futu
re,
yet t
he re
latio
nshi
p dr
ags o
n an
d on
. Thi
s is a
type
of s
lidin
g.
O
n ag
ain,
off a
gain
rela
tions
hips
are
real
ly h
ard
on ch
ildre
n. T
hey
are a
lso a
ssoc
iate
d w
ith
mor
e dom
estic
vio
lence
and
unpl
anne
d pr
egna
ncies
.
I
f you
know
the r
elatio
nshi
p ha
s no
futu
re, i
t may
be b
est t
o m
ake
a clea
r dec
ision
abou
t end
ing
it. C
hild
ren
do b
ette
r with
one
stab
le pa
rent
than
with
uns
tabl
e and
/or d
ange
rous
par
enta
l rela
tions
hips
.
Pass
out
Tip
s for
Par
ents
(Res
ourc
e 6g
) or u
se P
ower
Poin
t slid
e:
(PP
19)
Spec
ial W
ord
fo
r Pa
rent
s
-
Copyright 2012 Marline E. Pearson
Less
on
6 11
9
The
Basi
cs:
• D
on’t
drag
it o
ut. B
e cl
ear.
End
it fo
r goo
d.•
Don
’t ke
ep c
allin
g yo
ur e
x “j
ust t
o m
ake
sure
he/
she
is o
kay.
”•
Do
you
need
to ta
ke p
reca
utio
ns?
Cha
nge
lock
s? G
et h
elp
leav
ing
safe
ly?
• Te
ll fr
iend
s and
fam
ily. A
sk th
em fo
r sup
port
. •
Find
som
ethi
ng n
ice
(and
pos
itive
) to
do fo
r you
rsel
f if y
ou a
re fe
elin
g do
wn.
Rea
lize
your
bre
akup
can
be
hard
on
your
chi
ld.
• M
ost c
hild
ren
wan
t a re
latio
nshi
p w
ith b
oth
pare
nts.
• A
llow
you
r chi
ld to
talk
abo
ut fe
elin
gs o
f sad
ness
and
loss
—ev
en if
you
hat
e yo
ur e
x.
• Pe
rmit
your
ex
to st
ay in
touc
h w
ith y
our c
hild
. Don
’t in
terf
ere
with
his
/her
re
latio
nshi
p w
ith th
eir c
hild
.•
Regu
lar c
onta
ct is
impo
rtan
t for
you
r chi
ld a
s lon
g as
his
/her
pre
senc
e is
n’t
dang
erou
s.•
Do
not b
adm
outh
you
r ex
in fr
ont o
f you
r chi
ld—
even
if y
ou th
ink
he/s
he d
eser
ves
it. It
just
hur
ts a
nd m
akes
a c
hild
feel
bad
.•
Don
’t th
ink
just
any
one
can
subs
titut
e fo
r the
oth
er p
aren
t, no
t eve
n a
step
pare
nt.
Don
’t ho
p qu
ickl
y in
to a
new
rela
tions
hip.
• Fo
cus o
n be
ing
the
best
par
ent y
ou c
an b
e.•
Com
plet
e sc
hool
; see
k em
ploy
men
t. •
Lear
n co
mm
unic
atio
n sk
ills t
o he
lp a
ll yo
ur re
latio
nshi
ps, a
nd e
spec
ially
with
you
r ex
in c
o-pa
rent
ing.
*•
Take
a b
reak
from
rela
tions
hips
—gi
ve y
ours
elf t
ime.
•
Nex
t tim
e, d
on’t
slid
e, b
ut d
ecid
e. U
se th
e re
latio
nshi
p sm
arts
you
lear
n in
this
pr
ogra
m!
• It
take
s tim
e (o
ften
a lo
ng ti
me)
for a
rela
tions
hip
to d
evel
op w
ith a
step
pare
nt.
• Ex
tend
ed fa
mily
and
men
tors
can
hel
p ch
ildre
n if
you
are
pare
ntin
g so
lo.
*Not
e: L
esso
ns 1
1 an
d 12
teac
h es
sent
ial
com
mun
icat
ion
skill
s for
hea
lthy
rela
tions
hips
.
Less
on
6 12
0
(PP
20) A
sk v
olun
teer
s to
brin
g in
a g
ood
brea
kup
song
. A
sk
them
to b
e pr
epar
ed to
exp
lain
the
song
. The
y sh
ould
be
able
to
tell
the
grou
p w
hy th
e br
eaku
p ha
ppen
ed a
nd h
ow w
ell o
r bad
ly
the
brea
kup
is h
andl
ed.
If yo
u ca
n, p
lay
a fe
w li
nes f
rom
one
or m
ore
song
s in
a su
bseq
uent
sess
ion.
Ask
the
grou
p to
pic
k ou
t the
lyric
line
s the
y fe
el a
re m
ost r
evea
ling.
Par
ticip
ants
will
hav
e no
pr
oble
m fi
ndin
g m
usic
, but
her
e ar
e so
me
exam
ples
:
Car
rie U
nder
woo
d: B
efore
He C
heat
s; U
sher
: Bur
n; F
ort M
inor
: Whe
re’d
You
Go;
Avr
il La
vign
e: D
on’t
Tell
Me;
Chr
is B
row
n: S
ay G
oodb
ye; L
inki
n Pa
rk: I
n th
e End
; Mad
onna
: H
ung
Up;
Tay
lor S
wift
: Sho
uld
Hav
e Sai
d N
o; N
icke
lbac
k: S
houl
d H
ave L
isten
ed.
SECT
ION
6.4
Trus
ted
Ad
ult
Conn
ectio
n
Hav
e pa
rtic
ipan
ts c
hoos
e on
e. N
ote:
See
Con
nect
ion
Act
iviti
es C
heck
list (
Reso
urce
1c)
at
end
of L
esso
n O
ne fo
r the
se a
nd a
ll th
e TA
C a
ssig
nmen
ts.
1.
Hea
lthy
and
Unh
ealth
y Re
latio
nshi
ps h
ando
ut (R
esou
rce
6c).
Hav
e pa
rtic
ipan
ts a
sk
thei
r TA
C p
erso
n to
read
the
thre
e co
ntra
stin
g qu
estio
ns o
n th
e ha
ndou
t and
de
term
ine
if th
e qu
estio
ns m
ake
good
sens
e fo
r ana
lyzi
ng h
ealth
y or
unh
ealth
y re
latio
nshi
ps. A
sk if
they
hav
e ot
her i
deas
of h
ow to
judg
e a
heal
thy
rela
tions
hip.
2.
Cho
ose
one
of th
e br
eaku
p ha
ndou
ts (R
esou
rces
6e,
6f,
and/
or 6
g). H
ave
them
ask
th
eir T
AC
per
son
to re
mem
ber b
ack
whe
n th
ey w
ere
youn
ger.
Whi
ch ti
ps w
ould
ha
ve b
een
help
ful?
Act
ivity
: Bre
akup
So
ngs
-
Copyright 2012 Marline E. Pearson
Less
on
6 12
1
Reso
urce
s
Res
ourc
es lo
cate
d on
the
follo
win
g pa
ges:
6a.
Six
Typ
es of
Rela
tions
hips
car
ds (c
lass
set):
(L
ocat
e co
lore
d ca
rds
in b
ack
of m
anua
l.
Cut
six
card
s and
lam
inat
e. D
uplic
ate
mas
ter o
n C
D)
6b.
Hea
lthy
or U
nhea
lthy?
flas
hcar
ds (L
ocat
e co
lore
d ca
rds
in b
ack
of m
anua
l. C
ut
card
s. D
uplic
ate
mas
ter o
n C
D)
6c.
Hea
lthy
and
Unh
ealth
y Re
latio
nshi
ps h
and-
out (
Dup
licat
e, o
ne p
er p
erso
n)
6d.
Lots
of F
un h
ando
ut (D
uplic
ate,
one
per
pe
rson
)
6e.
Brea
kup
Tips
han
dout
(opt
iona
l)
6f.
Surv
ivin
g a B
reak
up h
ando
ut (o
ptio
nal)
6g.
Tips
for P
aren
ts h
ando
ut (o
ptio
nal)
Mat
eria
ls:
• C
D: P
ower
Poin
t Pre
sent
atio
n an
d D
upli-
cate
Mas
ters
• H
ow H
ealth
y Is
this
Rela
tions
hip?
Pos
ter
(loca
te in
poc
ket o
f man
ual)
Wor
kboo
k A
pplic
atio
ns:
•IsItaHealthyRelationship?
(pgs
20-
21)
Less
on
6: R
ESO
URC
E 6C
12
2Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships
IS IT CONDITIONAL? You worry about not being “good enough.” Your partner makes you feel little. You feel like you have to have a lot of money, or be or look a certain way, in order to keep his or her attention or love. You worry a lot about being dumped. You can’t be the real you. You have to wear a “mask.” There is little trust or security.
CONTROLLING or DISRESPECTFUL? One partner needs to be the “boss.” He or she ridicules the words and actions of the other and shows little interest in his or her feelings. The controlled person worries about upsetting his or her partner and often avoids saying or doing things. The con-troller does not support his or her partner, and in fact often tries to hold him or her back. One partner thinks he or she is entitled to express his or her anger in any way he or she chooses.
MOSTLY SEXUAL OR MATERIAL? This relationship is based almost exclusively on sex. Or, it is about the material things a person can get out of this relationship. Or, the status one feels by being with him or her. Without this, there would not be much there. There is not a lot of fun or deeper getting-to-know each other.
UNCONDITIONAL?You both feel appreciated for who you really are. You don’t have to pretend or play games. You do not have to be perfect. You can tell each other about behaviors in each other that you don’t like. You support each other in making changes that you each decide to work on. You each show you genuinely care about the other.
EQUAL, RESPECTFUL, and SUPPORTIVE?Both partners treat each other well. Neither dominates or consistently “gives in.” Both partners feel respected. Each partner feels his or her thoughts, feelings, and needs are im-portant to the other. They know differences and disagreements are inevitable in relationships and do not put each other down when these occur. Both partners feel encouraged by the other to develop and better him/herself.
ATTRACTION ON MANY LEVELS?This couple has chemistry, but they also enjoy talking and get-ting to know each other. They have fun doing things together. They do things based on shared interests and are open to trying new activities that the other one values. They balance time together, apart, and with friends. This relationship is based on a lot more than looks, status, or material things.
Trusted Adult Wisdom: ........................................................................................................................................................................................
..................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
..................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
-
Copyright 2012 Marline E. Pearson
Less
on
6: R
ESO
URC
E 6D
12
3
Inst
ruct
ions
: Fi
ll in
eac
h bo
x w
ith o
ne fu
n id
ea. B
e su
re to
mix
it u
p—by
cos
t, tim
e an
d va
riety
. Pu
t thi
s up
on y
our r
efrig
erat
or a
nd a
s you
do
the
activ
ity in
the
box
writ
e do
wn
the
date
.
Lots
of
Fun
Less
on
6: R
ESO
URC
E 6E
12
4
1. T
alk
to a
trus
ted
and
wis
e pe
rson
: Dis
cuss
the
reas
ons t
he re
latio
nshi
p is
not
wor
king
. Mak
e su
re th
is p
erso
n w
on’t
tell
ever
yone
but
will
kee
p yo
ur c
onve
rsat
ion
priv
ate;
or e
ncou
rage
dr
ama
or c
hasi
ng a
fter h
im o
r her
in a
des
pera
te w
ay. T
ell f
riend
s and
fam
ily w
hen
you’
re
endi
ng it
.
2. P
ick
a tim
e an
d pl
ace:
Pic
k a
priv
ate
plac
e. Y
ou d
on’t
wan
t to
do it
aro
und
his o
r her
frie
nds.
The
pers
on m
ay b
ecom
e em
otio
nal—
perh
aps c
ry, b
e an
gry,
or w
ant t
o ta
lk. G
ive
him
or h
er
the
resp
ect t
hat p
rivac
y pr
ovid
es. D
on’t
tell
the
pers
on ri
ght b
efor
e a
big
even
t suc
h as
thei
r bi
rthd
ay, a
gam
e or
per
form
ance
, or t
he st
art o
f the
scho
ol o
r wor
kday
. And
, be
sure
to te
ll th
e pe
rson
you
rsel
f.
CA
UTI
ON
: If y
ou th
ink
the
pers
on m
ay b
ecom
e vi
olen
t, br
eak
up in
a sa
fe p
lace
. The
re
shou
ld b
e he
lpfu
l peo
ple
near
by o
r pre
sent
with
you
. See
k su
ppor
t and
adv
ice
from
the
loca
l dom
estic
vio
lenc
e gr
oup
to d
evel
op a
safe
pla
n.
3. M
ake
a cl
ean
brea
k: D
on’t
put i
t off.
Spe
ll it
out c
lear
ly. B
e ho
nest
and
dire
ct, b
ut n
ot c
ruel
. Sa
y: “
I wan
t to
brea
k up
. Thi
s rel
atio
nshi
p is
ove
r.” O
r, “I
do
not h
ave
the
sam
e fe
elin
gs
anym
ore.
” D
o no
t str
ing
som
eone
alo
ng.
4. H
ave
a m
etho
d to
avo
id c
ruel
ty: I
nclu
de in
you
r con
vers
atio
n w
hat y
ou li
ke a
nd a
ppre
ciat
e ab
out t
he o
ther
per
son.
But
don
’t gi
ve fa
lse
hope
or m
ixed
mes
sage
s abo
ut y
our d
ecis
ion.
Bre
akin
g U
p T
ips
-
Copyright 2012 Marline E. Pearson
Less
on
6: R
ESO
URC
E 6F
12
5
1. D
on’t
blam
e yo
urse
lf. T
here
are
man
y re
ason
s why
rela
tions
hips
end
. Mak
e a
list o
f you
r po
sitiv
e qu
aliti
es. U
ltim
atel
y yo
u w
ant a
par
tner
who
adm
ires y
ou, r
ecog
nize
s you
r qua
litie
s, is
as c
razy
abo
ut y
ou a
s you
are
of h
im o
r her
, and
acc
epts
you
as y
ou a
re. A
lso,
mak
e a
list o
f w
hat y
ou w
ant i
n a
part
ner.
Wha
t can
you
lear
n fr
om th
is re
latio
nshi
p? D
o so
me
writ
ing
on th
is
afte
r you
hav
e re
view
ed so
me
of y
our w
orkb
ook
page
s.
2. F
ace
real
ity—
it’s
over
. Don
’t be
obs
esse
d w
ith w
inni
ng th
is p
erso
n ba
ck. Y
ou c
an’t
forc
e a
rela
tions
hip.
It sa
crifi
ces y
our d
igni
ty to
beg
for a
rela
tions
hip,
to a
ct d
espe
rate
, or t
o tr
y to
ch
ase
afte
r the
per
son.
3. S
tay
away
from
the
reve
nge
gam
e. F
orge
t abo
ut g
ettin
g ev
en o
r spr
eadi
ng ru
mor
s. It’
s im
mat
ure
and
mak
es y
ou a
littl
e pe
rson
.
4. G
et p
ersp
ectiv
e. M
ost p
eopl
e go
thro
ugh
a nu
mbe
r of r
oman
ces b
efor
e fin
ding
and
co
mm
ittin
g to
the
right
per
son.
With
eac
h re
latio
nshi
p yo
u ca
n gr
ow w
iser
and
mor
e in
sigh
tful
abou
t you
rsel
f, w
hat y
ou a
re lo
okin
g fo
r, an
d ho
w a
rela
tions
hip
shou
ld b
e.
5. D
on’t
jum
p qu
ickl
y in
to a
noth
er re
latio
nshi
p. S
ome
peop
le h
op in
to a
noth
er re
latio
nshi
p rig
ht a
way
to m
ake
thei
r ex-
part
ner j
ealo
us o
r to
mak
e th
emse
lves
feel
bet
ter.
This
onl
y le
ads t
o m
ore
prob
lem
s, an
d is
not
goo
d if
you
have
a c
hild
. Giv
e yo
urse
lf tim
e. Id
entif
y w
hat y
ou w
ant
to w
ork
on a
nd d
o fo
r you
rsel
f.
6. G
et o
ut a
nd d
o th
ings
. Afte
r you
’ve
give
n yo
urse
lf so
me
time
to c
ry, g
et b
usy.
Don
’t w
allo
w
in se
lf-pi
ty. S
hoot
bas
kets
or k
ick
a ba
ll, o
r go
wal
king