Love & Communication

© Robert J. Atkins, Ph.D.

Masters & Johnson

“The issue is not ‘making love’ but ‘being loved’”

What is Sternberg’s Theory of Love?

What are the three parts of love?

Passion Romance & Sex

Intimacy Bondedness, closeness

Commitment Decision to love & maintain the relationship

Intimacy & commitment - most predictive of stability & longevity

How do these change over time?

Do you remember?

What are Sternberg’s three parts of love? Which two predict stability?

What are the characteristics of long-term successful marriages?

Parents had happy marriagesAdequate, steady incomeSimilar attitudes and personality styles

What creates success in the marriage of 300 couples?

My partner is my best friendMarriage is a long-term commitmentMy partner has grown more interesting over timeGood communicationShared interestsAbility to face and deal with conflictGood sex was not given as a reason for success

Do you remember?

What is not needed to create a successful long term marriage?

What are the characteristics of a successful long term marriage? What did the 300 couple study say?

Communication

Why can discussing sex can be difficult?

Clinical language is too clinicalStreet language is too crude

Are you an active or passive listener?

Active listening Listening for

meaning

Passive listening

Do you remember?

Why can discussion sex be difficult?What is active and passive listening?

What is unconditional positive regard?

Dr. Bob’s “I love you” test “No matter what happened, I still love you”

What is the problem with “Why” questions

The use of “why” in an argument: Makes the other feel like they are being judged Puts the other person on the defensive Implies they must explain to your satisfaction.

How can you get closure after criticism or an argument?

Focus on future changes both of you can make

Do not focus on who was right or wrong

Do you remember?

What is unconditional positive regard?What is the problem with “Why”

questions?How can you get closure after an

argument?

How do love traditions develop?

The story of the rose

Real love