lost in myself

8/11/2019 Lost in myself.

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Lost inmyeslf

Robyn-Anne Knowles

Published by FastPencil


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Published by FastPencil

307 Orchard City DriveSuite 210

Campbell CA 95008 USA

[email protected]

(408) 540-7571

(408) 540-7572 (Fax)

http://www.fastpencil.com

The Publisher makes no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the

contents of this book and specifically disclaim any implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for a

particular purpose. Neither the publisher nor author shall be liable for any loss of profit or any commercial

damages.

Printed in the United States of America.

First Edition


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ContentsChapter 1 Chapter one . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1

Chapter 2 Chapter two . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5


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1Chapter one

The room stood cold, like the early morning on a

winters day. The tattered wallpaper hung off of

the walls from where I had flipped earlier that

morning. Screaming, tearing and smashing every-

thing that was in my sight. Now I am stuck with

nothing but a battered old room. I would give

anything to have you back.

I grabbed my pen and decided to put it to paper, after

all, this is the better option of the two. My skin is scarred

and the day has passed from what seems to be the worst

day of my life so far. Not only have I lost a friend but Ihave lost the only person who seemed to care. The only

person who ever gave a damn about what went on in my

life and especially the only one who did a single thing to

stop it.

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I can remember the days events like it is happening infront of me right now. The desperate sound of the packets

ripping open one by one, echoing in the hall way. The

needy screams and cries that hollowed out of the bath-

room right into my ears. I could feel your pain oosing

through the walls into my skin. The constant echo of its

all your fault running through my now broken mind. The

wind begins to howl and woosh through the vents making

the surrounding eery and deadly.

The tears cry louder and louder then all of a sudden,

they jolt to a stop. A deadly silence now rushes into the

house. The wind drops still with not a single sound but

that of the chimes sparking in the background. Sitting in

silence, with tears running down my cheeks. Finally, I pull

myself up from the soaking wet ground and race into the

bathroom which is when I realised, its all too late.

The room began to spin, like that spin that happens

when you stand up too fast. Silence floods the room, and

the deep red blood trickles towards my feet. I follow the

trail with my almost closed eyes right to your batteredwrists. The sight of a once pristine piece of work now

resembles that of a chopping board and your pale soft face

is staring up at me with hope and need.

The room becomes empty of all but you and me as I

reach down to feel the last glimpse of warmth from your

self-inflicted beaten body. It all happened way too fast,and there isnt a single thing that I can do any more. You

are broken beyond my repair, I just wish that I could fix

this one. To give you that chance, one more opportu-

nity to be who you always wanted to be.

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The wrappers still lay beside you, the razor stuck on thefloor. I cant help but imagine how this is my fault, if I had

gotten here sooner, if I hadnt have started the argument.

Maybe you would still be with me, here to tell me it is all

going to be OK and we could be friends again like before.

Instead I am kneeling here beside your broken body

telling you that I love you and wishing for you to come

back to me, all of which are pointless and in fact, never

going to happen.

Chapter one 3


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2Chapter two

My name is Rachel Buckland, and today is the

day that I decided to run away from home. Ive

had enough of all the arguments and fighting, of

all the hate that gets spilled upon me day in and

day out. I have got sick of the pain that leads me

to believe everything is my fault. The scars are

getting all too much, spreading from my legs to

my wrists. The hope and wishing that I was no

longer here has become all too much to handle. It

is because of all this, I have decided to flee from

the nest. I have desired to become the lonely bird

that stands on her own two feet out here in the

open. Not a single thing can touch me now. I am

free.

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Now, I feel the final tear drop run down my cheek andcrash onto the floor beneath me. The ground is hard and

cold as I curl up into the fetal position to try and keep

heat, why did I travel so far? I remember the looks on their

faces when I told them I was going out for a walk. The fear

and pain that they held as they knew I would never return.

I reach into my rucksack, pulling out the only thing that

I brought with me. I hold it to my chest, so tight that I

would never let go. The smooth soft silk like feel brushes

against my hands as I close my eyes. You are the only

person that I will miss whilst I am away. The only one that

understands the pain I am going through. This picture will

stay here with me forever.

The rain is getting faster now and my clothes are

soaked right through to my underwear. My long brown

hair is now stuck into thick rats tails as it hangs from my

head because of the rain. My once white t-shirt is now cov-

ered in muck as I lay on the hard ground. My feet begin to

ache as I have been walking for miles, I feel so alone. The

howl of the wind as it passes through the tall standingtrees in the beaten and battered forest opening. The leaves

crunch and crack under the feet of the unknown. I am not

here alone, but instead there are beasts and monsters out

there just waiting for a lost and lonely girl like me.

The dusk sets in as I reach for my rucksack, I quickly

close up the bag and begin to run, faster and faster into thedark, deep forest. I want to be free, free of all the hate and

sorrow. I want to feel alive again, in control, nothing to

worry about and no one watching over me. I want to hold

the power of my life in my hands.

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Chapter two 7


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lost in myself

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