A little more self-awareness would be good for everyone.

When you ask for people in power to listen to you – how many of you really do mean that you want to be heard, and how many of you are actually want them to simply accede to your request or to give you what you want?

Listening involves the act of hearing out the concerns of others, and engaging in active listening where clarifications can be made and questions asked, both ways. From the initial contact to the final end-point of whether the request is granted lies a whole range of processes including further committee discussions, feasibility analyses and so on. Just because you have been heard does not mean that your request will definitely be granted; similarly, just because your request wasn’t granted certainly does not mean that your voice was not heard as well.

However, when this distinction is not clearly understood, the situation quickly becomes a standstill. You complain that you were not heard as you were not given what you asked for; the people in power then responds that they have heard you, but were unable to grant you your wish. And you retort that if you didn’t get your goods, it meant that they weren’t listening to you. And so on, back-and-forth.

These remarks uncover an underlying sense of entitlement where you feel you deserve whatever you asked for – “If I ask for it, then I must have it.” There is a blatant disregard for all the processes that occur from receiving the suggestion to implementation (if possible at all), which reflects immaturity and disrespect on the part of the one making requests.

Of course, failure to deliver could very well be also due to poor communication and the lack of ‘listening’. With different priorities and objectives in mind, those in power could very easily pursue their policy interests without additional input from those they purport to serve. However it would be overly cynical if you were to label any initiatives which aren’t directly aligned to your pressing interests as being misinformed and misdirected.

Also – just because you got what you wanted doesn’t mean that they actually listened to you. It is far too easy to give goodies to hush unhappy voices - which you happened to want anyway. But that will be for a separate discussion.

----------

Perhaps we could all take a step back before making hasty conclusions. Both for the ones making requests, and the ones granting requests. More often than not, you would find yourself in both shoes in different circumstances anyway so try to understand both perspectives first if you can.

And perhaps – if you were not given what you wanted, then state clearly that you were not given what you wanted. If you were not listened to, then state clearly that you were not heard. And when the discordance becomes clear, it will be easier for everyone to resolve their differences.