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Listen UP! The Pitfalls of Failed Conversations

A Workshop for the Public Risk Management Association

September 12, 2013

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Most lawsuits are the result of failed conversations – talk about risk!

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Today’s objectives

¨ Increase confidence when handling difficult conversations

¨ Provide tools for handling real conversations

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Your conversation

¨ Reflect for a moment on a situation you need to discuss with an employee.

¨ What is the situation¨ The reasons you haven’t addressed the

situation yet¨ The effect it has on you

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What makes a conversation difficult?

¨ Sensitive subject matter¨ We don’t know how to approach the topic¨ We are concerned about the reaction¨ We don’t like confrontation¨ History¨ Too busy attending to other job duties¨ Cultural issues¨ Relationship with employee¨ Legal concerns

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Types of difficult conversations¨ Confronting unacceptable behavior¨ Providing honest feedback on poor

performance¨ Sharing tough decision outcomes¨ Discussing a “taboo” issue like hygiene or

dress¨ Saying “no” instead of yes¨ Addressing opportunities for improvement¨ Terminating an employee¨ Your examples …..

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Benefits of effective conversations

¨ Behavior changes¨ Goals are achieved¨ Morale is improved¨ Work is distributed equitably ¨ Consistent management practices lead

to confidence in manager¨ Organization can take disciplinary

action if necessary¨ Legal risk is reduced

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Preparing for the conversation¨ Needs to take place on a timely basis¨ Arrange the time and place/privacy¨ Understand who should participate¨ Check your intentions¨ Prepare your core message¨ Have your facts¨ Know your policy¨ Be prepared with documentation¨ Prepare your opening comments

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Using Emotional Intelligence

¨ Emotional intelligence is the ability to know and manage oneself along with an awareness and ability to manage one’s relationships with others

¨ EI is a skill critical to the successful outcome of a difficult conversation

¨ 90% of managerial success is attributed to Emotional Intelligence

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¨ How do I feel..¨ Am I angry, frustrated,

nervous, intimidated, confident?

¨ Do I know my triggers?¨ What is my self-talk?

Self-awareness

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Self-management¨ How do I react …¨ Do I show my anger, frustration

etc.?¨ How do I behave under stress?¨ Do I accept responsibility for

my responses?¨ Can I control my feelings?¨ Do I have the ability to deflect ?

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Social awareness

¨ How do others feel..¨ Am I able to feel empathy?¨ Do I pick up on other’s

behaviors?¨ Am I a good observer?¨ Do I listen?

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Relationship management

¨ Do I work at building relationships?

¨ Can I handle conflict?¨ Do I collaborate?¨ Am I a role model?¨ Do I influence and persuade

others?

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Conducting the conversation

¨ Focus on the behavior¨ Keep demeanor

professional ¨ Get to the point¨ Work on mutual

agreement¨ Demonstrate respect

¨ Explain consequences¨ Avoid assumption/blame¨ Follow up/document¨ Discuss facts not opinions¨ Avoid a power struggle

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Dealing with potential responses

ExpectEmotions!

Lying Lack ofawareness

Crying

Denial

Silence

Refocusing

Sarcasm

Anger

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Follow up

¨ Document and share with person¨ The issue may require more than one conversation¨ Provide positive feedback when change occurs¨ Provide consequences for lack of behavior change¨ Remember, some habits are difficult to change

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Summary

¨ Conversations must take place¨ Preparation is key

– Process– Emotion

¨ Follow up is necessary - recap¨ Know and use your resources¨ May require more than one session

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Thank You!

For more information about this workshop and others, please contact Connie Poulsen Management Training and Consulting conniepoulsen403@gmail.com