linda mcphee (iss and linda mcphee consulting) presentation at writing research across borders...

Linda McPhee Consulting, cc by-nc-sa

Using Colour to Teach Revision !

for Readability!Writing Research Across Borders III, Paris Nanterre, February 2014!

Linda McPhee Linda McPhee Consulting, Clare UK www.lindamcpheeconsulting.com

& the International Institute of Social Studies (Erasmus University), www.iss.nl The Hague, NL

http://www.iss.nl


Using Colour to Teach Revision !

for Readability!Writing Research Across Borders III, Paris Nanterre, February 2014!

Linda McPhee Linda McPhee Consulting, Clare UK www.lindamcpheeconsulting.com

& the International Institute of Social Studies (Erasmus University), The Hague, NL

diverse students all need…

as a “one step” solution: as part of a process: planning

!

drafting !

testing !

revisingLinda McPhee Consulting, cc by-nc-sa

The unit of revision is the paragraph.

!

As few as 1 in 7 has an explicit topic sentence.

(Stern 1976)


What the writer meant us to see: Regional and urban planners in the Netherlands have become increasingly interested in urban management. They are responding to the increasing diversity of household types, which has led to a differentiation in demand. Their task is to develop public space in a way that will support such diversity. They will need to base their spatial investment plans on meeting this newly-‐emerging demand and understanding how it differs from the current range of living environments. Planners will thus need to know:


What the writer actually wrote (good draft!): Regional and urban planners in the Netherlands have become increasingly interested in urban management. The increasing differentiation in the demand for living environments, which has resulted from an increased diversity of household types is putting increasing pressure on them. There is a need to develop public space in a way that will lead to such diversity, e.g. basing their plans for new spatial investments on meeting this newly emerging demand and understanding how it differs from the current range of living environments must be clearly understood. We will thus need to know:


What the writer meant us to see: Regional and urban planners in the Netherlands have become increasingly interested in urban management. They are responding to the increasing diversity of household types, which has led to a differentiation in demand. Their task is to develop public space in a way that will support such diversity. They will need to base their plans for new spatial investments on meeting this newly-‐emerging demand and understanding how it differs from the current range of living environments. Planners will thus need to know:


What the writer actually wrote: Regional and urban planners in the Netherlands have become increasingly interested in urban management. The increasing differentiation in the demand for living environments, which has resulted from an increased diversity of household types is putting increasing pressure on them. There is a need to develop public space in a way that will lead to such diversity, e.g. basing their plans for new spatial investments on the features of the newly emerging demand. The features of the current range of living environments must be clearly understood. We will thus need to know:


light yellow (option

yellow no colour blue

Any phrase before the subject.

The subject, messenger, theme: Readers know this already

anything mid-‐sentence

the (most) important new part of the message

Shifting what’s yellow, and what’s blue, changes who readers are asked to see as the messenger and also changes the message: !Certain aspects of genetic diversity are entirely missed by pedigree-‐ based diversity. !While overall genetic diversity is rePlected by pedigree-‐based diversity, this misses certain aspects of genetic diversity. !Pedigree-‐based diversity only rePlects overall genetic diversity, and may entirely miss other aspects.


Think: documentary !

• steady shot • pan • zoom • cause-‐effect • list • chain of reasoning …and so on


6irst edit: Ndung’u and Ngugi, (2000), Collins and Wanjau (2011), Chirwa and Mlachila (2004), Crowley (2007) Ailkaeli et al., (2011) and Madishetti and Kimeme (2012) looked for factors underlying high IRS in Africa. Their Pindings showed factors of loan loss reserves, high operating costs, mounting statutory non interest bearing reserves, liquid assets and net worth contribute to a high interest rate spread in Africa. !


6irst edit w/colours (and my comments in green): Ndung’u and Ngugi, (2000), Collins and Wanjau (2011), Chirwa and Mlachila (2004), Crowley (2007) Ailkaeli et al., (2011) and Madishetti and Kimeme (2012) [will your readers ‘see’ these people?] looked for factors underlying high IRS in Africa. Their Pindings showed factors of loan loss reserves, high operating costs, mounting statutory non interest bearing reserves, liquid assets and net worth contribute to a high interest rate spread in Africa. [this blue is not new] !


second edit: The factors underlying interest rate spreads (IRS) in Africa have been the subject of many studies (Ndung’u and Ngugi, 2000, Collins and Wanjau 2011, Chirwa and Mlachila 2004, Crowley 2007 Ailkaeli et al. 2011, Madishetti and Kimeme 2012). Factors so far identiPied include loan loss reserves, high operating costs, mounting statutory non-‐interest bearing reserves, liquid assets and net worth.


What the writer said:

There is saying that if ill person gets very thirsty, shaiton will give her/him water and take her/his faith for the exchange of water. They call it shaiton’s vas-vas and that’s why family member sits and reads Qur’an, duo and repeats shahada. Borieva (1995) and Nasritdinov (1996) discussed on their research about similar before death rituals.


What the writer said: !

There is saying that if ill person gets very thirsty, shaiton will give her/him water and take her/his faith for the exchange of water. They call it shaiton’s vas-vas and that’s why family member sits and reads Qur’an, duo and repeats shahada. Borieva (1995) and Nasritdinov (1996) discussed on their research about similar before death rituals.


What the writer meant: !

The giving of water, reading the Qur’an and duo, and repeating of shahada are protection and show a folk belief that if ill person gets very thirsty, shaiton will give her/him water and take her/his faith in exchange. Similar deathbed rituals have been reported elsewhere (Borieva 1995) and Nasritdinov 1996).


Sample edit of a process: The samples were subjected to 30 cycles of ampliPication in a Perkin-‐Elmer model 480 thermocycler (Perkin-‐Elmer Cetus). The following cycling conditions were used: denaturation, 15s at 96o C; primer annealing, 30s at 65o C; and extension, 1 min at 72o C. The PCR products were analyzed by agarose gel electrophoresis in 1.5% agarose and were stained with ethidium bromide. The molecular size makers used were BglI-‐cleaved pBR328 DNA and HinfI-‐cleaved pBR328 DNA (Boehringer Mannheim, Mannheim, Germany). Samples giving discrepant results (by microscopy and PCR) and samples questionably positive by microscopy were analyzed at a lower annealing temperature (55 oC) and by a double PCR (the Pirst PCR product diluted 1:10, 1:100, and 1:1,000 and then reampliPied with the same primers).


!

!

• I came to realize that the human brain is amazing. Every time I write something I … see the yellow and the blue parts – F.M. (Tanzanian)

• My supervisors are amazed what kind of papers I write nowadays, compared to my Pirst writings. I also feel a lot more comfortable writing because I now understand how other people read. – J.W.K. (Dutch)

• I actually also got a compliment of one of the co-‐authors who told me my writing had really improved… . The comment was “You have been very successful in your writing lately. This is great!” — M.M. (Dutch)

• … editing is fun. I didn’t believe that before! — anon (USA native English speaker)

…people will practice what they enjoy.


Conclusion • colour helps authors visualise a text multiple ways

• the camera bundles key concepts

This approach: • gives more writer control

• 8its most learner levels

• empowers writers

• is self-rewarding (so writers are more likely to continue and improve)


linda mcphee (iss and linda mcphee consulting) presentation at writing research across borders...

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