like, what do you do all day?

8/14/2019 Like, What Do You Do All Day?

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Like, What Do You Do All Day?

By

Sunny Star

Registered WGA [email protected]



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Like, What Do You Do All Day?

FADE IN:

INT. HIGH RISE APARTMENT - DUSK

BOB, pale and dark haired stands in front of

his panoramic windows.

TIFFANY, blond, perfect bright red overly

long nails. She wears a caricature of a

corporate suit.

She is seated on the sofa, a small recorder

on the table in front of her. She is

examining her hair for split ends, and finds

them.

TIFFANY

What kind of name is

that for a vampire?

BOB

It's my name.

TIFFANY

It's so, like,

everyday. Common.

BOB

Sorry.

TIFFANY

Can't you have, like,

a really romantic

name. Like, Ceseare

or Roberto.

BOBBob. That's my name.

Make up another if you

like.



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TIFFANY

This is an interview,

you know? I'm

supposed to collect

the facts. If I make

up a name, it wouldn't

be like, real.

BOB

People are going to

believe that you are

interviewing a

vampire?

TIFFANY

They wrote a whole

book about it. Even

made a movie. Starred

Tom Cruise.

BOB

That was fiction.

TIFFANY

Some people didn't

think so.

BOB

I bet you were one ofthem.

He stares out the window, as dusk turns into

night.

BOB

I don't know why I

agreed to this. It's

stupid.

Tiffany grabs her recorder, the red lightstill glows.

TIFFANY

I thought you had a

story.

Tiffany appraises him, head cocked.



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BOB

I haven't been a

vampire that long.

TIFFANY

My luck to get a

newbie.

BOB

Sorry. Maybe we

should go out and get

a bite, or something.

Tiffany GIGGLES.

BOB

I didn't

mean...literally.

TIFFANY

Maybe we should go out

biting.

BOB

That's not what I

meant. I like to eat

alone. The biting

part. That's messy.

She walks over to him. Standing close. He

inhales deeply, savoring. He studies his

very pale hands.

TIFFANY

What kind of vampire

are you, anyway?

BOB

The usual kind.

She moves closer, tapping her toe

impatiently.



5

TIFFANY

You have a totally

uncool name, you eat

real food, and hardly

seem passionate about

anything.

BOB

I was an investment

banker, kinda

conservative, and had

a really bad date, OK?

Frustrated he runs a hand through his

slightly too short hair.

BOB

This doesn't come with

an owner's manual.

I've got to figure it

out as I go.

Tiffany is disappointed.

TIFFANY

I thought I was going

to get an exclusive.

Make my editor look at

me, you know?

BOB

Aren't there any two

headed aliens out

there to interview?

TIFFANY

Carla got that one

last week.

BOBI see.

Tiffany picks up her recorder and CLICKS it

off. She whirls around, thrusts it in is and

CLICKS it back on.



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TIFFANY

Let's start this all

over again. So tell

me, Bob, like what do

you do all day?

Wearily.

BOB

I sleep.

TIFFANY

Oh, really?!

BOB

It' not really sleep.

It's profound sleep.

TIFFANY

Aren't you supposed to

be dead?

BOB

Technically, that's

true. Dead during the

day. I only come out

at night.

He LAUGHS weakly.

She shoves the recorder at him. He takes a

step back.

TIFFANY

Where, exactly do you

do this sleeping, or

being dead?

He takes a step back, she stays with him.

BOB

I'll show you.

He leads her to the



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BEDROOM

She SQUEALS with delight. It's a normal

bedroom, dresser, mirrors with a coffin in

place of the bed.

TIFFANY

Open it.

He lifts the lid.

BOB

I don' think a coffin

is strictly necessary.

But- it effectively

keeps the daylight

out.

Tiffany leans over and caresses the smooth

satin.

BOB

Would you like to try

it?

She nods and climbs in.

TIFFANYThis is kinda fun.

She crosses her arms on her chest.

TIFFANY

Like this? Do you do

it like this?

BOB

It doesn't matter.

Comfort isn't anissue. I'm dead,

remember?

TIFFANY

Right.

She snuggles into the satin.



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TIFFANY

Close it.

BOB

I don't think I

should...

TIFFANY

Close it!

He drops the lid. It SLAMS down.

He stares at the closed coffin, rocking back

on his heels.

Silence.

He cracks the lid.

TIFFANY

Cool!

Opening the lid all the way.

BOB

I wouldn't know. It

doesn't matter much

when you're dead.

He extends a hand to help her out. He reacts

to the warmth of her hand.

TIFFANY

No dirt?

BOB

I'm a big city

vampire. I don't have

any dirt. And thegarlic thing- I like

pasta with garlic and

oil.



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TIFFANY

You don't have to get

all huffy. My readers

want to know.

BOB

I'm sure you're going

to tell them all about

your coffin

experience.

She studies her hair, before tossing her

head.

TIFFANY

Of course.

He walks into the

LIVING ROOM

Followed closely by Tiffany. He's beginning

to sweat.

BOB

Listen, I don't think

this has gone very

well.

TIFFANY

It's gone OK. I got

some good info.

BOB

Then let's call it

quits.

He's visibly sweating.

INT. CROWDED BAR - NIGHT

Bob is seated next to a BEAUTIFUL WOMAN.

Drinks are in front of them.

They talk and laugh MOS.

The lean into each other.



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The beautiful woman caresses him, biting him

on the neck.

Slowly he drifts downward, head resting on

the bar.

Daintily she wipes her lips, satisfied, she

leaves.

INT. LIVING ROOM

TIFFANY

Hey, you're not

listening to me!

BOB

You said something?

TIFFANY

Yeah! I want to try

the rest of it!

Seductively adjusting her suit. She points

to her neck.

TIFFANY

C'mon! Ya' gotta eat!

BOB

You don't know what

you're asking.

TIFFANY

What could it hurt?!

This could be a

personal experience

story!

BOBNot a good idea. I

still don't know how

this whole thing

works.



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She presses herself against him. He is

sweating profusely. His very white hands

tremble.

He grabs her up, and nibbles at her neck.

Her eyes half close, almost swooning. He

thrusts her away.

BOB

I hope you're happy.

She staggers back, her eyes popping open in

surprise. She looks a little pale. His

hands begin to warm with color.

He bounds forward, grabbing her up,

ferociously sinking his teeth into her neck.

She GROANS and becomes limp. He lets her

sink to the floor.

Her eyelids flutter open. She gets up.

Horrified, Bob steps back.

TIFFANY

It happened?

BOB

Yes.

TIFFANY

Oh wow! Like, cool!

She studies her pale hands. Examining her

unchipped nails.

TIFFANY

Like, how many

vampires are out there

named Tiffany?

BOB

Entirely too many.

She tosses her head, her hair swinging

forward, studying the ends.



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TIFFANY

Hey!

BOB

What?!

TIFFANY

How come I'm not

perfect?!

BOB

In case you didn't

get the point, this is

quite far from a

perfect existence.

Sleep all day, up all

night. It's not

normal.

Intent on her hair.

TIFFANY

You mean I'm gonna

have split ends

forever?!

Bob stares at her, horror-struck.

FADE OUT:

THE END.

like, what do you do all day?

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